Five star Bouncing around In good company Taking aim The Chemical Drum and bass at the Union with Dennis Quaid excels in his new The Rifle and Pistol Club hit Brothers, page 15 Brian Gee, page 16 movie, page 18 the road, page 22

The student newspaper of Imperial College ● Established 1949 ● Issue 1317 ● Thursday 24 February 2005 ● www.felixonline.co.uk

Election results Next year’s Imperial College Union President, Deputy Smoke free Masterful Medicals Presidents and Felix Editor were elected last week by a record number of students. Over 22% of the student body voted. bar on trial uNEWS page 2 By Dave Edwards Felix spoke to students in Confidence vote Editor Da Vinci’s earlier this week, The President of Imperial and opinion was divided over College Union faces a motion Smoking will be banned in the issue. of no confidence at an emer- Da Vinci’s Bar for a three Timothy Brinded, in his first gency Council meeting tomor- month trial period beginning year of an electronic engi- row evening. The motion on Tuesday 1 March, Imperial neering course, said: “It’s alleges that he is “guilty of College Union announced this probably a good idea to keep gross misconduct”. week. some sections smoke-free... uNEWS page 2 The bar, on the South when this place gets really Kensington campus, will be packed, it’s quite smoky, and Attack on Felix smoke-free all day every day some people don’t like it.” A Christian evangelist web- during the trial period, and Another first year student, site has launched a scathing the ban will be enforced by a smoker studying chemical attack on a science article staff. engineering, had a different published in Felix. The web- The idea was proposed and point of view. She told Felix: site has also accused The passed at the Trading and “I think they shouldn’t ban Washington Post and CBS Retail Committee, following it. A lot of people smoke in News of “journalistic un- suggestions from students via here, dBs isn’t as nice, and integrity”. The Utheni o Union’sn has strategicfour b reviewars t o ctheho Unionose f Barrom isn’t: as wel- uSCIENCE pagedB 4s Cprocesslub, T h ande U ‘Yoursay’nion B a feed-r, Dacoming.”Vinciʼs Cafe Bar, back forms. A government White Paper I built Southsidethe Wye Bar and the CharingonC publicross health,Bar. published in “So, at long last, Southside is November last year, outlined coming down. After all this plans to outlaw smoking in all time it has outlived its useful pubs serving prepared food purpose and has to go. Good by the end of 2008. Smoking riddance say most of you – will be banned in workplac- perhaps a few are nostalgic, es and most enclosed public but for me its demise has a areas, but will still be permit- special meaning as I actually ted in pubs which limit their helped build it.” food sales to snacks such as uCOMMENT pageBi g7 scDaree Vinci’sn tv, wBar,ee kwherely tr ismok-via quizpeanuts, com e anddy, c crisps.lub Private ing will soon be banned members clubs will also be Sport & society nights, inexpensive bexemptar pric fromes a thend ban. Our bumper sport sectionsoft driSameenanks, plu Misbahuddin,s a safe an thed f un pDrla c Johne to Reid,mee t the Health includes in-depth Varsity ycov-our fUnion’sriends . DeputyWedne s Presidentdays an d FSecretary,ridays ʻ t said:il la te “People. do erage plus other reports and (Finance and Services), told not have the right to dam- results. Felix: “The trial will be used to age the health of others... We uSPORT page 21 make a decision as to whether will ensure that people will there should be a permanent be able to go to their work- non-smoking outlet. We need place, or choose to go out for to get student feedback and a meal or a drink, without the THIS WEEK assess the social and finan- damage, inconvenience or News page 2 cial impact of the ban.” pollution from second-hand Science page 4 A senior member of Union smoke.” Comment page 6 staff voiced opposition to the Simon Clark, of smok- Columns page 8 Souproposals:th “IC knowhari nofg noX other Wers’ye group Forest, said: “We Clubs and Societies Kensinuniversitygton that has tried this vehemently oppose what has page 11 and met with a positive out- become a systematic attempt come. There has been very to demonise smokers.” What’s On page 13 little discussion or investiga- The national chain JD Music page 14 tion into this whole subject.” Wetherspoon recently Nightlife page 16 Ms Misbahuddin said: announced plans to ban Arts page 17 “Other unions have tried sim- smoking in its London pubs Film page 18 ilar things – some working from May this year and Coffee Break page 20 and some not – but we can nationwide from May 2006, Imperial Medicals captain Peter Russell lifts the JPR Williams Cup after his team beat only give it a go and see how ahead of government regula- Imperial College by 20 points to 8 in the 2005 rugby Varsity match. Reports, results and Sport page 21 it works in practice.” tions. photos from the expanded Varsity day: pages 24-28 Felix 2 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

NEWS [email protected]

Issue 1317 Wye students want answers Editor Dave Edwards College management will finally address Wye students on the changes affecting Business Editor Numaan Chaudhry their campus, but this may not be enough to satisfy a disgruntled majority

Science Editor By Nichola Hawkins fast, on issues including mini- Darius Nikbin Wye correspondent bus provision, club funding, Music Editor the Union’s dissociation from Andrew Sykes This Monday, the Deputy the Wye Beagles club and the Rector of Imperial College, losses made by Imperial’s Nightlife Editor Professor Sir Leszek summer balls when Wye’s Simon Clark Borysiewicz, will travel to own ball is expected to break Wye to speak to students. even. But the main issue of Arts Editor The event, arranged at the evening was, inevitably, Paola Smith the request of Wye College the restructuring and the Union Society President future of the campus as a Books Editor Dawinderpal Sahota when centre of learning at Imperial Martin Smith the Deputy Rector met with College. Film Editor him in January, will be the When security came to lock Alan Ng first chance Wye students up the building at midnight, have had to hear from those many questions remained Felix involved in determining the unanswered and students Beit Quad future of their College. pointed out that some of their Prince Consort Road The Deputy Rector has colleagues who had not been London SW7 2BB been tasked with the restruc- so interested in the hustings Telephone: 020 7594 8072 turing of the Faculty of Life might also like to hear about Email: [email protected] Sciences, a process set to the future of Wye. As a result, Web: www.felixonline.co.uk result in the closure of all Union President Mustafa Arif but one of the undergradu- has also arranged to visit Wye Registered newspaper ate courses (BSc Applied on Monday, and he will be tak- ISSN 1040-0711 Business Management) at ing questions. Wye. The Wye College Union Copyright © Felix 2005 The lack of information Society will be holding their Printed by Sharman and given to students so far has own question and answer ses- Company, Peterborough caused resentment amongst sion this evening (Thursday). the Wye population, as have Whilst Wye students will the proposals themselves, as hopefully welcome this late An angry Wye student questions Imperial College Union officers about the future of his demonstrated by responses gesture towards communica- campus at the recent election hustings. Wye students will be keen to discover more about to the Union’s recent online tion, many are disappointed the College’s plans for the campus when the Deputy Rector visits next week survey. that the Deputy Rector does This resentment was par- not intend to take students’ at each campus over the aca- was due to information being cantly less forthcoming. ticularly apparent during the questions. Furthermore, the demic year. ‘leaked’ by staff unions. The Department of recent sabbatical election Rector’s face-to-face event at The proposed closure of The Department of Environmental Science and hustings at the Wye campus, the Wye campus, which last most courses at Wye was Agricultural Sciences subse- Technology and the Division at which students seemed less year took place during the announced in August. Some quently issued a statement of Biomedical Sciences will concerned about quizzing the Easter holidays, has yet to students first heard about the guaranteeing that all cur- also be significantly affected candidates than about asking be announced for this 2004- plans through the national rent students would be able by the restructuring process, some questions of the current 5 in spite of the College’s press while they were at home to complete their degrees at but with less drastic changes president and his deputies. Spectrum intranet saying over the summer, although Wye, but longer term infor- for biology and biochemistry Questions came thick and that an event will take place the College has said that this mation has so far been signifi- students. Election results Union President may announced face dismissal By Dave Edwards and Societies) by 816 votes to By Dave Edwards Mr Arif said: “I’m happy to Editor 672 for James Thatcher after receive and respond to criti- votes for a new election had Mustafa Arif, President of cism done in the right way. Next year’s Imperial College been reallocated. Imperial College Union, faces I think the author [of this Union President, Deputy The new Deputy President a motion of no confidence at motion] and his supporters Presidents and Felix Editor (Education and Welfare) will an emergency Council meet- should think long and hard were elected last week. be Sarah Khatib, who over- ing tomorrow evening. about whether all this silli- The turnout reached a came Aleks Corr by 911 votes The motion, proposed by ness is in the best interests of record high of more than 2800 to 802 in the final round. Tom Tibbits, a postgraduate the Union as a whole.” votes – over 22% of the stu- Rupert Neate was elected in the physics department Mr Tibbits claims that dent body. Mustafa Arif, the as Felix Editor with 962 votes and member of the Union’s the President is running current President, expressed to 668 for Darius Nikbin after Executive Committee, alleges the Union “in a very elitist, his pleasure at the turnout, the other candidates’ votes that the President is “guilty of undemocratic, uninclusive saying: “The Union is now had been reallocated. gross misconduct and breach way.” He told Felix: “We [the in a much stronger position Ms Misbahuddin’s cam- of the constitution and regu- students] cannot tolerate to legitimately represent stu- Sameena Misbahuddin, paign was largely based on lations”. Mustafa Arif at a recent leadership that doesn’t take dents than at any time in its next year’s Union President her experience as a Deputy A paper calling for greater Union Council meeting us into account.” history.” President, but the option of accountability was passed The motion requires a two Sameena Misbahuddin, the a lot of work ahead, as always, taking a second sabbatical by the Council in December not enough time to do eve- thirds majority of Council current Deputy President but I’ll do my very best to year may not be available (see Felix 1310), mandating rything so you’ll just have to members. If it is passed, Mr (Finance and Services) was justify the faith of those who to future candidates, after a the President to give various trust me as a leader’.” Arif would be suspended for elected as President, over- supported me.” paper restricting terms of sab- explanations and responses. The motion claims that Mr one month on full pay and coming her nearest chal- Tim Aplin will be the new batical office to a maximum Bad management at elec- Arif is “demonstrating an atti- accommodation, and then lenger Morten Olesen by 1126 Deputy President (Finance of one year was passed by tions, an under-represented tude that is inconsistent with dismissed. votes to 862 after the other and Services), with 930 votes the Union Council last week. Executive Committee and the Union’s status as a stu- Mr Arif may appeal against candidates’ votes had been to 510 for Edward Piggott and Since the paper proposes a unauthorised increases in dent-led democratic organisa- the Council’s decision, but reallocated. 289 for Re-Open Nominations, constitutional change, it must costs were just some of the tion.” It also makes other alle- he would need to call a gen- Ms Misbahuddin told Felix: after Robin Avery had been still be passed by a second issues raised. Mr Tibbits gations against the President eral meeting attended by at “I was delighted to be voted disqualified. meeting of the Union Council argues: “The President’s and his style of management least 200 students within five President and I’m looking for- Simon Matthews was elect- and by the College Council response was inadequate, which cannot be released for College days. This meeting ward to it immensely. There’s ed as Deputy President (Clubs before it comes into force. and along the lines of ‘there’s legal reasons. would then have the final say. Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 3

NEWS [email protected] Imperial at the height of fashion

By Dave Edwards

Prominent designers such as Boyd and Calvin Klein put their creations on show at Sunday’s Imperial College Fashion Show, held in aid of Macmillan Cancer Relief. The event, which sold out in advance, was held at Sketch in Conduit Street, Mayfair, a fantastic venue well ahead of its time. All the clothes were mod- elled by Imperial students, and some students’ own designs were also exhibited at the show. Collections included ‘For Freetime’, based on urban streetwear; ‘For Playtime’, mostly featuring underwear; ‘Sometime’, with wedding out- fits; ‘Our Time’, designed by Imperial students; and ‘Night Time’, featuring evening wear. Macmillan Cancer Relief is a UK charity that works to improve the quality of life for people living with cancer. All the money from ticket sales was donated to the charity, raising over £10,000. Raffle prizes including holi- days and a signed Chelsea shirt were given away at the after-party, and a the overall total raised is likely to be in the region of £15,000. The show was hailed as a great success. Two students model clothes at the Imperial College Fashion Show, held in aid of Macmillan Cancer Relief Crisis at the Science Museum

By Tom Simonite and ment. “They’ve known about permanently. David Osumi-Sutherland this strike for over a month,” The current crisis over he claimed, “but have chosen ownership of the library col- To the disappointment of to keep it quiet.” lection, which is housed at crowds of half term visi- Chilvers went on to explain Imperial’s central library, was tors, the staff of the Science that the immediate cause of precipitated by a massive rise Museum went on strike last the strike, the dispute over in the rent Imperial charges Wednesday to protest erosion pay, was the last straw in to the Science Museum for of pay, alleged mismanage- what he sees as a string of use of space for its collection. ment and job losses. Science problems caused by misman- As the museum cannot afford Museum library staff also agement and government to pay, Imperial has offered a protested to highlight prob- underfunding. compromise whereby it will lems caused by the planned “We think there has been take control of around 65% of transfer of most of their dreadful mismanagement of the library, with the remain- multi-million pound collection this museum,” he says, citing der being split between the to Imperial College, and the a recent large-scale restruc- museum and the British related job losses. turing as a prime example. library. Interviewed on the picket “Many staff feel that they One of the protestors, line, Emily Boise, negotia- were wrongly re-graded. It museum-library liaison offic- tions officer for the union created a lot of bitterness,” er Nick Wyatt, claims that Prospect, called the 2.5% he claims, adding that it com- loss of the museum library pay offer “unacceptable”, pounded the problems caused could compromise open pub- and “well below inflation and by the lack of any systematic lic access to the collection. offers made by other muse- promotions procedure at the In addition to threatening the ums”. In an official statement, museum. jobs of science museum staff, the museum countered that The official museum state- the resultant loss of exper- the 2.5% offer was in line with ment argues that the re- tise could cause problems for inflation over the 12 months structuring actually served the many students and staff covered, and that rises above to bring pay at the museum who use the collection and inflation had been granted in from some of the lowest in archives. previous years. the museums sector up to the Clare Jenkins, Director of “I think it’s disgusting that national average. Library Services at Imperial you should do this during Despite their differences, College, counters that the half term,” shouted on irate both sides seem to agree increase in Imperial’s charges visitor outside the museum. that the major underlying was simply designed to bring “I’ve come all the way from problem is government the charges to the museum in Portsmouth with my son to underfunding. The museum line with those paid by College help him research a GCSE claims to have lost almost departments. She adds that project,” he continued. £8m in government funding Imperial has given a com- Chris Chilvers, branch since 1997. According to the mitment to continue to allow secretary of Prospect at the protestors, this had led to the open public access to the col- Science Museum staff protest against an “unacceptable” pay offer, alleged mismanage- museum, blamed the manage- closure of ten galleries, eight lections after the transfer. ment, job losses and a massive rise in rent charged by Imperial College for library space Felix 4 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

Science [email protected] Religious right attacks Felix Science A Christian evangelist website has launched a scathing attack on an article published in Felix. Darius Nikbin explains how the controversy began and why it should end

A website endeavouring “to versial. The Iberian penin- tors. They should learn from evangelize the world via the sula, in particular, has had a their mistakes and not repeat internet with the Good News notorious history of priests them; to practice their reli- of Jesus Christ” has attacked ordering heretics to be gion without imposing their an article published in Felix scythed in their thousands. ideas on other people through Science in January. The Inquisition that began in violence. The article, printed in Throughout history, atroci- Felix issue 1310, was enti- “The website has ties have been committed tled ‘Science, religion and a accused The in the name of God. Kings, case of history repeated’ and queens and presidents have described the events follow- Washington Post, waged war with a sword in ing the Lisbon earthquake of CBS News and one hand and a ‘holy book’ 1755. It contained the offend- in another, proclaiming the ing statement: “Religious Felix of ‘journalistic words of a prophet and impal- priests roamed the streets un-integrity’...” ing their next victim on a pike. hanging people, accusing In the modern world, religion them of heresy and blaming the 15th century and only offi- should play a very different, them for the earthquake.” cially ended in 1834 (when the less political role. A reporter for the Catholic last burning took place) was Unfortunately, the articles Exchange website has in the a period during which many published on the website meantime been investigating thousands were killed and completely ignored the cen- this event and found that there even more were subjected to tral thesis of my original is ‘no historical evidence’ torture, usually on the basis In 1633 Galileo was forced to kneel in front of the Inquisition and recant his belief in the article, which was that natu- for priests having commit- of their religious beliefs and Copernican planetary system. He was then imprisoned for life (painting: C Banti, 1857) ral disasters force people to ted such acts. Consequently, sometimes because they just question the nature of their the site has accused The looked a bit odd. religion through the ages. who claim that the number were killed purifying a race. own belief. Whether priests Washington Post, CBS News This behaviour should not They clearly feel any slur on of deaths inflicted by the In both cases, revisionists actually roamed the streets and Felix (amongst others) reflect in any way on the the name of any priests in Inquisition has been vastly attempt to reroute events to executing heretics in the of ‘journalistic un-integrity’ modern church or its val- the past is a slur on their exaggerated. But, equally, suit their present day ideo- aftermath of the earthquake and running pieces that have ues. The Pope has frequently entire religion today. But, in there are people who dimin- logical ends. In both cases, is really a moot point. It may made ‘highly inflammatory ackowledged “methods that defending the indefensible, in ish the number of Jews the crimes should never be be nothing more than a myth, allegations’. Since then, the had nothing to do with the beginning to identify with the killed during the Holocaust. forgotten. but if so, it is a myth that debate has spread to various Gospel”. But the Catholic brutal religious regimes of On the one hand, you have At the same time, people has gained a great deal of internet discussion baords. Exchange website seem to the past, they could become millions killed for the sake living today should not feel credence, simply because it The role of religion in geno- believe that they have to a part of that history. of purifying a religion, while that they have to apologise carries with it a great deal of cide has always been contro- defend the repute of their There are revisionists on the other hand millions for the actions of their ances- meaning. Ordinary women, extraordinary innovations

By Robin Wilkinson public awareness. In fact, has had from her husband, Science Communication the only reason I know that Ian. this event exists is because Inventors’ profiles will also Wendy Brodie has just I stumbled across the BFIIN be raised as they are the sub- had one of her remarkable website. ject of a new reality TV series, achievements recognised. In There is a lack of support the BBC’s Dragons’ Den. between the everyday mini- for those in the general public This is surely the crest of an miracles of marriage, teach- who have bright ideas. This is oncoming wave, now that DIY ing special needs children, unfortunate, as people with and makeovers have been and raising three kids of her everyday experience are usu- done to death. Encouraging own, she has managed to ally the best placed to see such innovation in Britain design and produce an inven- how improvements and inno- is a good thing – as Japan’s tion. MITI reports, British ideas The Bodyflik is a cheap “British ideas have have accounted for 55% of the and simple device that is accounted for 55% of world’s inventions over the used to sweep water from last century, and those billions your body before using a the world’s inventions of pounds are lost every year towel, meaning that your for the last century” when ideas are taken abroad. towel stays warmer, drier With a new consciousness of and cleaner. It won a high vations could be made. our nation’s bright sparks, commendation at this year’s Wendy’s tale begins in a perhaps more homegrown annual British Female very normal way – having had ideas like the Bodyflik will Inventors and Innovators an idea and thinking, “some- develop. Network (BFIIN) Awards. body should really make Suffice to say that Wendy You may not have heard that,” nothing much hap- Bodyflik: the new hi-tech towel that won a design award for Wendy Brodie is looking forward to the of them, but the BFIIN has pened. Nothing happened for summer months when been running the Awards for a while. This is where grass- was a self-made man and orders were coming in. Ever are blossoming and becom- the Bodyflik should real- several years. Considering roots ideas frequently end up: therefore fully acquainted since, she has become more ing more accessible as the ly take off. It is already that their manifesto states suspended in limbo in one with the struggles required aware of what support is out public perception of inventors on sale through Ebay or that “the Awards were estab- person’s head. They do not to get an idea off the ground. there and the agencies that changes from solitary indi- www.bodyflik.co.uk. lished in 1999 to provide inspi- have the backing or knowhow This gave him a sympathetic help people develop their viduals working alone in their The BFIIN Awards are ration for women seeking to to get the idea going. disposition towards helping ideas. garden shed or attic to ordi- organised by the Global turn their unique ideas into Wendy was lucky: a string of viable ideas get into produc- But most people do not nary people who go to work. Women Inventors and commercial propositions”, it coincidences led her into con- tion. know where these channels This could make all the differ- Innovators Network (GWIIN) seems a shame that there versation with the owner of After a year of hard work of help are. Wendy is hope- ence to other inventors who and were held on Wednesday was no fanfare and conse- a plastic injection-moulding and setbacks, Wendy’s idea ful that this may be about to may not have the luck and 16 and Thursday 17 February quently a complete lack of factory, John Walters. John was made flesh and the first change – agencies and clubs personal support that Wendy 2005. Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 5

SCIENCE [email protected] The science of ice skating News It’s not too late to enjoy a traditional winter sport. But do you understand the physics involved? Zoë Corbyn elaborates on the motto, “know thine ice” in brief Recently, while splayed out essentially trying to squeeze electrons reflecting the ice. Mars pictures on the chilly floor of the it into a smaller space. Surprisingly, they didn’t fol- Somerset House ice rink, it Because water takes up less low the simple trajectories reveal frozen sea occurred to me that my skat- space than ice, the liquid expected of an object bounc- ing abilities might improve if form becomes more favour- ing off a solid state. Instead A huge, frozen sea lies just I understood a little more of able than the solid form. The they were scattered, as if hit- below the surface of Mars, the science. more pressure, the greater ting a constantly changing a team of European scien- Let me tell you up front in the inclination for the ice to surface. tists has announced. Their case you harbour vague hopes become water. The property The ‘quasi fluid layer’ assessment is based on pic- of rescuing gauche and medi- manifests itself in the lower- may be thicker or thinner tures of the planet’s near- ocre ice rink performance by ing of the freezing point when depending on the tempera- equatorial Elysium region reading this article: knowing ice is exposed to high pres- ture. Lower temperatures that show plated and rutted the science will not save you sures. give rise to fewer layers features across an area 800 from your cold watery doom. But while all this is eminent- whereas if the ice is warmer, by 900km. The team think a But, fear not, such knowledge ly sensible, it is not enough to the number of slippery layers catastrophic event flooded the will almost certainly deepen explain why ice is slippery. increases. At around –20°C landscape five million years your ice skating experience The problem is that it the ice drastically decreases ago and then froze out. They and after all, isn’t a richer, requires enormous pres- in slipperiness so it just about tell a forthcoming edition of more enjoyable encounter sures to lower the freezing resembles any other solid. At Nature magazine that sedi- with the substance what it is point of water significantly. just under –160°C, the layer ments covered the ice, locking all about? Consider a simple calcula- is as little as one molecule it in place. The reason ice skating can tion. Now I don’t want to give thick. be so much fun is because ice away my life ambitions, but As to why ice is so slippery has a uniquely low coefficient let’s suppose I am an Olympic compared to other solids, this of friction, which is why skat- champion figure skater with is thought to be because the Intel builds first ers can glide so effortlessly a mass of 60kg (plus three chemical bonds that hold the continuous laser across it. So the prime ques- gold medals). My sharp skate Ice-skating: just how do skates glide on the surface of ice? water molecules together are tion, then, for any aspiring has 2cm² of contact area. The much weaker than the bonds with silicon scientific ice skating enthusi- entire pressure exerted by can glide as frictionlessly as spaces in the ice structure, joining other solids. ast is: what makes the ice so my skate is only just under adults. If pressure was the and create a smooth surface Researchers from Intel have slippery in the first place? 30 atmospheres. Which, when reason for slippery ice, this for easy gliding. ‘Fast ice’ vs ‘slow ice’ created the first continu- you apply something called simply wouldn’t be so. The ‘quasi-fluid layer’ is not ous laser beam using silicon The pressure myth the solid-liquid coexistence actually liquid water but ice The phenomenon may help components, a development exposed curve in the water phase dia- The current theory molecules vibrating very rap- to explain the difference that could herald significant gram, equates to a tempera- idly. The ice molecules have between ‘fast ice’ and ‘slow advances in communications The classic explanation was ture drop of only a few tenths So what is going on? The prob- an unusually high degree of ice’, terms sometimes used and medicine. Researchers to attribute it to pressure. of a degree. lem seems to have been solved vibrational motion, several in ice hockey games. ‘Fast overcame the problem of two- The pressure of the skate Indeed, it turns out that you in the late 1990s by a chemist, times that of the molecules ice’ is harder and colder with photon absorption by using blade was said to melt the need to apply a pressure of Gabor Somarjai, and a physi- deeper in the bulk of the ice. a smoother surface, while a technique from the world surface of the ice, causing about 120 atmospheres just cist, Michel Van Hove, of the But importantly it is only in ‘slow ice’ is warmer and soft- of semiconductors: it created a small layer of water to be to lower the freezing point Lawrence Berkeley National one direction, up and down. er. Hockey players generally positive and negative regions formed. This created a lubri- of water by 1°C. Note also Laboratory in California, who If the atoms moved from side prefer ‘fast’ ice because the around the path of the laser cant, lowering friction. When that 120 atmospheres of pres- studied the slipperiness of ice to side, the ‘quasi-fluid layer’ passing and skating is easier. light, which “vacuum” away the pressure was removed, sure would likely shatter the on an atomic scale. would literally become liquid Figure skaters prefer softer electrons and provide a clear it was thought the ice froze ice! So according to this the- According to them, the ice (which is what happens above ice for their landings. road for the laser. over again. ory you would only be able to itself is intrinsically slippery. 0°C). Based on the theory, as Certainly it sounded pretty skate on ice which was just You don’t need to melt the ice Somorjai and Van Hove the ice temperate increases, plausible and for a number below freezing. But the ice we to skate on it because the ice investigated the phenom- skaters need to move through of years no-one much both- generally skate on is much has a ‘quasi-fluid layer’ that enon using a technique a greater number of ‘quasi NASA sets space ered to investigate. Certainly colder at below –5°C. coats the surface and provides called electron diffraction. fluid layers’. Hence more fric- shuttle launch it is true that increasing the If it is a bit early in the a permanent lubricant. When They bombarded a thin layer tion occurs slowing the skater pressure on ice will lower morning for all this, just think pressure is applied, the mol- of ice with a stream of elec- down. The extra layers also, date for 15 May its freezing point. When you of light objects like hockey ecules in the layer compact trons. Detectors recorded the no doubt, cushion falls – even put pressure on ice, you are pucks or small children. They into underlying interstices, or angles and velocities of the if you do still get wet. NASA has set 15 May as the launch date for the first shut- tle mission since the Columbia Felix guide to resurfacing an ice rink accident two years ago. “The Vorsprung durch science challenge right now is clo- ● Temperature of ice for hockey is about –9° C sure of an awful lot of paper. The vehicle can’t launch until all the paperwork is done,” a ● Temperature of ice for figure skating is about –5.5° C spokesman said. The board that investigated the fatal ● The vehicle that you see on a rink after a skating 2003 Columbia accident rec- session is called a Zamboni. It is a mechanical ice re- ommended NASA make 15 surfacer. To resurface, it uses the following procedure: changes before resuming 1. Scrape the ice surface and collect the resulting shuttle flights. ‘snow’ 2. ‘Clean’ the ice by putting down water to loosen any Test for canine dirt from grooves 3. Collect the excess water and dirt personalities 4. Apply a thin layer of heated water that freezes and creates a new smooth surface Dogs show huge differences in personality, according to a US scientist who has devel- oped a test to assess canine character. Dr Sam Gosling, of the University of Texas, I, science rates the dogs on four key traits with positive and nega- A science magazine for Imperial tive extremes. He adds that his work suggests pets should be matched with owners who have similar personalities. For more details, contact us now at The work was presented at a [email protected] I did not know that: a Zamboni in action major science conference in Washington DC. Felix 6 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

Comment [email protected] The Home Office Everything I want to talk about tional students. STATE OF ment doesn’t quite wash, because ders to Tory politicking designed this week seems to have something Historically, international students if you apply to the Foreign Office to pander to irrational xenophobic to do with a certain government have been exempt from charges to THE UNION (whilst you are abroad) you only fears. How on earth this is all sup- department... renew their visas. Last year, without pay £36 for a visa. The much higher posed to realise Tony Blair’s stated any consultation, the Government charge only applies when you are desire to make the UK welcoming Immigration and asylum introduced a £250 charge (£150 if already in the UK and wish to renew to diverse international students is you have time to wait for a postal your visa. (Yes, you are better off beyond me. This afternoon (well, yesterday, by application). This caused endless simply going to Paris for the week- the time your read this) there is grief. Now the Government are pro- end and applying via the British And finally a picket taking place outside the posing to raise the charges even embassy there.) Home Office, organised by the NUS further to £350. The real reason for these charg- Yes, I know we are British ‘sub- International Students’ Campaign. Why are they doing this? Well, es is because the government has jects’, not ‘citizens’. However, I This will be followed by a lobby officially, it’s because the Treasury identified international students as am a republican. A hereditary of MPs organised by the Aldwych wants all immigration services to a cash cow to fund its immigra- head of state is a relic of the mid- Group (the students’ unions of the cover its costs (so the UK taxpayer tion and asylum policy. The policy dle ages and should be abolished Russell Group of leading research- doesn’t pay for the administrative itself (to crack down on the “flood” well before anyone needs to worry led universities). The issue at hand? overheads that apply to each visa MUSTAFA ARIF of “uncontrolled” immigration and about whether Camilla can become Visa extension charges for interna- application/renewal). This argu- UNION PRESIDENT “bogus” asylum seekers), itself pan- Queen. The joy of... ROLE After the highest ever response to take part, to improve turnout so UNCLE SAM Student Written Statement (SWS) you remember will be repaired as if (50%) to the Student On-Line that the College will take student has been sent off to the Quality by magic... Evaluation (SOLE) from taught feedback seriously. Assurance Agency. Written by the undergraduates, the College has Departments are asked to take Union, the SWS represents the views Entertain introduced its next initiative in comments on board, discuss them of Imperial students on a variety of direct student feedback, ROLE, with their student reps, and imple- educational issues, taken from the Come to Entertain, the charity which is for Postgraduate Research ment improvements where possible. questionnaire conducted last term. extravaganza – it’ll be great! It’s this Students. Exercises like ROLE are all part The College will very soon be Saturday, 26th February, and tick- ROLE, which adopts a similar for- of the broader context of improv- told which departments are going ets are available from the Union mat as SOLE, was trialled success- ing student representation for post- to be selected for “Discipline Audit Reception, Beit Quad. See the ban- fully in two departments, encoun- graduate students. The College does Trails”, which means “a bit of a nose ner on the Union website (www. tering few errors and achieving a want to improve things for students; around”, in English. You should be union.ic.ac.uk) for more details. high turnout. It is now being con- it can only do this if it know what able to tell if the QAA auditors are ducted in all departments (apart you want! coming to a department near you, Re-dress yourself from Civil Engineering, as this was SAM RORKE as all the staff will be working twice one of the pilot departments) from QAA Audit as hard and looking stressed, and Look out for a great new fashion 21 February to 6 March. All research DEPUTY PRESIDENT suddenly, those fixtures and fittings show with a difference, Re-dress students are strongly encouraged As you may now be aware, the (EDUCATION & WELFARE) that have been defective as long as Yourself [see page 17 for details]. The laughing policeman

Most people will never have any the language you speak or because they will take you to the local police How can I complain? contact with the police in their lives, you have committed a crime in the ADVICE SERVICE station. unless perhaps a crime has been past. If you believe this is the case, The police should treat you fair- committed against them or their cat you can complain. Your right to a record ly and with respect. If you are has gone missing. unhappy with the way you were Sometimes, however, people can Where can I be stopped and If you are searched, the police must treated, you can complain. If you feel be unfortunate and find themselves searched? give you a written record of the you were treated differently because in the wrong place at the wrong time search straight away unless, for of your race, nationality or ethnic – perhaps a crime has been commit- You can be stopped and searched in example, they are called away to an background, you can complain of ted close by. In this sort of situation, a number of areas including: emergency. Alternatively, you can direct or indirect race discrimina- the police may spot you and decide ● a public place get a copy from the police station tion. to search you. ● anywhere, if the police believe you at any time within 12 months of the It will help if you keep the record When you find yourself in this posi- have committed a serious crime. search. that the police gave you. tion, it is always good to know your If the police have reason to believe The police must write down: You can get advice from, or com- rights and know what the police can there may be serious violence, then ● your name, or a description of plain to: and can’t do. they can search everyone in an area NIGEL COOKE you ● your local police station for weapons, without needing a STUDENT ADVISER ● your ethnic background ● your local police authority What is a ‘stop and search’? good reason to search each person. ● why they searched you ● a Citizen’s Advice Bureau This might happen near a football ● when and where they searched ● the Information and Advice Police officers can stop and talk to ground, for example. ● that you must wait to be searched you Centre you at any time. But they should A police officer can stop a vehicle ● what law they are using and your ● what they were looking for and ● your local Race Equality Council only search you if they suspect you at any time and ask to see the driv- rights anything they found ● the Commission for Racial are carrying: er’s licence. If the police have good ● their name ● whether they are taking any Equality ● drugs reason to think your car contains ● the station they work at action ● a solicitor. ● weapons stolen goods, drugs, or weapons, ● why they chose you ● the names and numbers of the ● stolen property they could search it even if you ● what they are looking for officers who searched you. If you have any questions about this ● items that could be used to com- are not there. But the police must ● your right to be given a record of The police will ask for your name, article or feel the police have treat- mit a crime. leave a notice saying what they have the search straight away. address and date of birth. You will ed you unfairly, please contact The done. If the officer is not in uniform, they also be asked to say what your eth- Information and Advice Centre. Why me? must show you their identity card. nic background is. You do not have Don’t let your concern turn into What happens before a If you are in a public place, you to say what it is if you don’t want to, a crisis. Make the Information You should not be stopped or search takes place? only have to take off your coat or but this information helps show if and Advice Centre your one-stop searched just because of your age, jacket and your gloves. the police are stopping and search- shop for all your welfare issues. race, ethnic background, nationality, The police officer must normally If the police ask you to take off ing people just because of their race Telephone: 020 7594 8067. Email: religion or faith, the way you look, tell you: more than this, then in most cases or ethnicity. [email protected]. Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 7

COMMENT [email protected] It’s time to speak out

“First they came for the commu- Wednesday 2 March to join Babar’s Act, and, apparently, assaulting a targeted by our state and its police nists, and I didn’t speak up because family and supporters in a demon- police officer. Neither of these things force. And, I thought that sitting for I wasn’t a communist. stration outside the court. This is were true, and as my solicitor later three hours in a cell is not particu- Then they came for the Jews, and not just an act of solidarity, but a confirmed after I had been released larly pleasant, even when you know I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t chance, through large numbers, to without charge, I had been arrest- you are soon going to be let out. At a Jew. continue to put pressure on those in ed for two reasons. Firstly, it was the time of writing, Babar has been Then they came for the trade the legal system who will be making the National Day of Disobedience in prison for 4810 hours and faces unionists, and I didn’t speak up a decision about Babar’s future. against the occupation of Iraq, and I extradition to a country with the because I wasn’t a trade unionist. This demonstration will be pre- was therefore holding a megaphone death penalty, for a ‘crime’ which Then they came for me, and there ceded by a showing of the recent on a demonstration that directly there is not sufficient evidence to try was no one left to speak up for me.” BBC documentary about Babar’s challenged the Government, and him for in Britain. Imagine how that Martin Niemöller, German pastor case, which will be introduced by a which they therefore wanted to stop must feel. member of his family and shown in COLIN SMITH as soon as possible. Secondly, laws I appreciate that many people On 2 and 3 March, the next stage SAF Lecture Theatre 2 at 6pm on are currently being considered to reading this may not have expe- of Babar Ahmad’s extradition Monday 28 February. WELFARE CAMPAIGNS ban demonstrations (and the use of rienced directly the full force of hearing takes place at Bow Street As I have pointed out many times OFFICER megaphones) in Parliament Square, what we have come to call ‘jus- Magistrates Court, near Covent before, this case is not just about and an arrest for violent conduct tice’. Neither have I. But I would Garden. As Babar’s wife said at an Babar, and it is not just about would help that case enormously. encourage anyone who is in princi- ‘End the Occupation of Iraq’ stu- Muslims. It is true that Asian peo- on rights to demonstrate, the intro- Sitting there, the first thing I ple against what is going on in the dent teach-in held recently at LSE ple, immigrants, and ethnic minor- duction of ID cards and many other thought about was Babar Ahmad. world today, to stand up and oppose and attended by many Imperial stu- ity groups are being targeted, vic- moves towards a ‘police state’ are Now, I am not trying to compare my it. Whether it is the anti-war demon- dents, the family are “hoping for the timised, and used as scapegoats things that will affect each and every situation with Babar’s on any level, stration on March 19, or the demon- best, but expecting the worst”. inthe current climate of fear sur- one of us. or to complain about my ‘traumatic stration at Bow Street Magistrates This article is a call for everyone rounding the ‘war on terror’. Tony I had my own very small taste of experience’. But I did think, if they Court on March 2, you must speak in Imperial to come with myself, Blair’s recent pathetic apology to this clampdown last Tuesday, as I are prepared to do this to a white out. Because even if you have never our president Mustafa Arif and the Guildford Four should highlight ended up sitting in a cell for several British male, imagine what it must met Babar, or don’t think that any many others in the official Imperial how it was previously the Irish who hours in West End Central police sta- be like to be arrested as an ethnic of these things have anything to do College Union delegation which is were treated in this way in Britain. tion. I had been arrested for breach- minority, or an immigrant, or anyone with you, who will speak out when it meeting at 9am in Beit Quad on But it is also true that restrictions ing Section 5 of the Public Order else who is unfairly victimised and is your turn? I built Southside After over 40 years, the Southside halls of residence will finally be demolished this summer. Paul Rogers looks back to 1962, when he helped build Imperial’s favourite concrete monolith

So, at long last, Southside is com- weekday and eight until four on ing down. After all this time it has Saturdays. outlived its useful purpose and has The work involved anything and to go. Good riddance say most of you everything – sometimes totally bor- – perhaps a few are nostalgic, but for ing, other times great. Best was me its demise has a special meaning working as a labourer for the car- as I actually helped build it. penters doing second fixing in the Fast backward to June 1962. I’d penthouse flats on the top floor. just finished my first year, was living Great views over London, a good at home in East London and needed gang to work with, and the foreman some money. My dad was an iron- so far away in his site office that he monger and spare-time builder so only checked up on us a couple of I’d learnt a few things and reckoned times a day. a labouring job on a building site Some of the other work was soul- was just right. Rumours were rife destroying. For one week, I spent of the cash to be got – the Victoria the entire time chipping away at Line was being excavated and some excess plaster at the base of the said you could make 20 quid a week bedroom walls so that the skirt- (£300 in current money and twice ing boards would fit. Several times, what most casual jobs paid then), through sheer boredom and care- so I set off for Central London to try lessness, the hammer slipped out my luck. of my hand. Once it went over my It turned out that the Victoria Line shoulder and chipped the under- wasn’t interested in students, but neath of the hand basin. If whoever there were loads of office blocks is in room 421 looks under the basin going up all over the City, so pros- and spots a chip, that means they pects looked good. Time after time, never did replace it. though, the site foremen said they The bane of all our lives was wanted experience, even for labour- Norman the foreman, always on ing, and hours of fruitless searching the prowl and ready to “stop you a left me thoroughly daunted. By mid- quarter” (15 minutes’ wages) for the afternoon I thought I’d at least try my smallest infringement. Perhaps he luck around South Ken. The whole of was only doing his job, but the one Imperial College was like one vast saving grace was that he knocked off building site – physics and chemi- at noon on Saturday, leaving a hand- cal engineering were completed, but ful of workers on site for the last most of the engineering buildings four hours of the week. Work would were still being worked on. be set but it is astonishing how fast So, too, was Southside. It was up really well-motivated labourers can to roof height but was a hive of activ- work. We’d usually get everything ity with a couple of hundred people done in a couple of hours, with the working on site. More to the point, rest of the afternoon spent sunbath- Coming down after 40 years: the Southside halls of residence will be demolished the contractors were prepared to ing on the roof or throwing stones take me on, provided I’d work a 60- at the rats that would venture out back to student life, and Southside bit possessive about it. is living in Southside as one of the hour week for £17.50 including site from under the floor of the canteen opened the following year, to much Now, after 42 years and over 15,000 last ever residents! bonus. That was more than good hut ten floors below, where Linstead acclaim and appreciation (yes, real- student residents, it is all coming So it really ended up a bit of a enough compared with bar work or Hall now stands. Does Linstead ly). I actually got one of the rare down, to be replaced by some bit family affair, and, when you watch anything else around, so, for that have rats? If so, they are probably postgraduate rooms in the place a of ‘modern’ architecture that prob- it coming down, spare a thought for summer, I left home each day at 100 generations down the line from couple of years later, and greatly ably won’t last nearly as long. An one old Imperial lag, because just 6.30am, travelled across London and those original colonisers. enjoyed it, perhaps because of the added irony is that my youngest son one little bit of my life will be coming worked from eight until six every At the end of the summer it was added satisfaction of being just that started at Imperial last October and down with it. Felix 8 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

Columns [email protected] Medics vs Imperial vs Medics vs Imperial

sank their teeth into you and pulled before the medics accuse Imperial These guys are not always like until you graduate. you apart. of being sad, it’s mirror time. Oh, this, and most importantly they That’s why medicine is difficult, Now I’m not saying that rivalries and Imperial people tend to stop aren’t the majority. Even allowing it’s the sheer volume of facts you aren’t good. They are great for keep- being a student earlier – by getting for that though, it’s always fun to need to know, not the difficulty of ing spirit alive in the university, and jobs. Which means proper clothes. I watch them for a while, and some- each individual one. There is no for giving a little bit of light-heart- would love proper clothes! times it’s nice to be part of such abstract mathematical theorem ed competition and banter (or not 2. All medics are loud, vulgar, mayhem. involving 20 dimensions. There are, so light-hearted in the case of the obnoxious, fat, stupid, rich snobs. On the topic of stupidity, med- however, about 40 billion pages of Varsity match, as was so helpfully Now, I think you’ll find that most ics are not stupid – hell, they do textbook to read. Which is partly demonstrated by the supporters last of those adjectives only apply to a have to get some pretty good grades why they tend to drink more heav- Wednesday evening). But seriously, select group of people, who I will to get into Imperial, like everyone ily – there’s so much more random do you really want a football derby not name (think of a club... begins else here. They may not have the crud to forget. by TRISTAN LANE atmosphere? With riots breaking with R... ends in Y...), and even these in-depth knowledge of astrophys- But also don’t forget that med- out, screaming children, and burn- guys and gals aren’t exactly that bad, ics that someone doing astrophysics ics are here longer (unless you do So, apparently there’s some sort of ing houses? I thought not, but if only when they get drunk togeth- might have, but that’s not the point a PhD, or a few masters courses) friction between Imperial College you’re not careful, it could very well er. But nights when this happens of medicine, especially at under- so they might be a bit upset at still School of Medicine and Imperial happen at the next sports night; and (sports nights etc) are well publi- graduate level. You need to learn being students... College. Why is it that both sides not just in your own befuddled head. cised, and if you find that behaviour a very large range of things to suf- In other words, what I’m trying to seem to think the other side are So, in order to try to stop such a offensive, you can avoid the throngs ficient detail so that you don’t kill say is... friendly rivalry, yes. Angry complete losers? But most impor- thing, let’s look at the arguments... of sweaty drunk men (or not, as you people, and occasionally help some. banter/attacks/slagging off, no. Until tantly, who’s to blame? 1. Imperial students are sad losers like). That’s it. No specialist knowledge next year’s Varsity match anyway. Both sides have reasonable argu- who do nothing but book work and ments. Well, they would be reason- look at computer screens all day. able if they were true. The medic It’s difficult to accuse someone argument is that Imperial is full of of that when they are in the pub sad idiots who do nothing but work with you. It’s especially difficult to and look at computer screens all get into a drunken fight with one day. The aforementioned sad idiots of them. Yes, some people do work do not like washing and definitely extremely hard and do not tend to do not know what girls look like... venture out into the wild world of or maybe a few of them actually socialising. However, these people are girls. The Imperial argument is are few and far between – if they that all medics are stupid, arrogant, don’t socialise they cannot breed, public school boys. Now can anyone and so gradually over the years this see where the arguments fall down? species has gently hit a dead end. An No? Really? evolutionary cul de sac, perhaps. Right, well I think it comes down But still, Imperial cannot be that to stereotypes, and also the people dull if Brian May did physics here. you notice. Who do you notice when Just remember, that complete ‘loser’ you’re walking down the street? The who never leaves his room might normal people, the loud obnoxious well be writing the next Bohemian people, or the losers? That’s right, Rhapsody. Or he may be a serial you notice the people who are out killer, whittling spinning tops out of of the ordinary. The vast majority of human tibias. Best not to provoke people, on both sides of the fence, them. are ordinary, nice people – the peo- All people who go to Imperial (all ple you said hello to on your first of it, including the medical school) day, before the seething rivalries are clever and quite swotty, so A scene from the crowd at last Wednesday’s Varsity match: rivalry? What rivalry? The girl about town end DIY and marriage plans are so separate occasions, he dropped the er it’s my inimitable charm, or the nothing else. Sadly, good-looking not where I’m at. I kept to Dr Ruth’s biggest clanger – he flashed his unrivalled paucity of my irreverent men seem to think that’s all they advice – date different types to see tie at me, and said: “Ted Baker”. banter; it’s quite easy to beat me need to keep a woman happy – per- what works best for you – and this To make things worse, he jangled in the visual department, since I’m sonality is just chilli sauce on the is what I get. Constant calls when his watch and went “Hugo Boss”, not conventionally attractive by any kebab. I’d told him I’d call him when I was and tugged at his suit lapel, before standards. What’s more amazing is that the comfortable with seeing him again. saying “Austin Reed”. I was visibly I can’t walk into South Kensington unconventionally attractive Miss He only got the hint when I changed unimpressed. without bumping into someone who Woods has got the air-headed piece my telephone number. He continued by telling me about has, in previous years, pre-court of unbelievable aesthetic pleasure Let’s talk a little background here his properties, which he spent the injunction, followed me home. It’s best known as the purple dinosaur – Nick is a 32-year-old Asian enter- weekends doing up. He’d not been difficult to turn up in College once a finding limp excuses to turn up at tainment tycoon. He owns a port- out in six months – no gigs, no exhi- year to pay my tuition fees without her door and chat to her flatmates. by STORMY WOODS folio of properties littered around bitions, no sightseeing, no evening being accosted along the way by He feels that roses, badly written London, and drives a Porsche classes – shocking. Even more one of the countless spotty, greasy gothic poetry, childish drawings and Using conventional wisdom, and Boxster. I met him at a media pro- astounding was the fact that I didn’t excuses for men who see me as heart-shaped chocolates are the general Imperial female experi- fessionals networking event, for the get a word in edgeways, having to their dream girl. Sadly, they don’t way forward. The way forward to ences, it is most generally the male launch of Smooth FM. We got on learn about his customised BMW have the perceptiveness to realise a psychiatric unit, more like, for party in an intimate situation that well, he asked me out for dinner, and ZX3, his trips to Café de Paris and they’re not ideal for me. Since when assuming I’d take to such tacky tends to avoid the female post-alco- we somehow ended up at a Lloyds his issues with my appearance, in have holey jumpers been cool? Since demonstrations of affection that a hol-fuelled-rumpus until he is con- bar in London. particular my hair being tied up! when has wearing the same holey pre-school object of affection would fronted post-avoidance with anger He’s tall, dark and cute to look Had he not paid for my Western plat- jumper for weeks on end been cool? have the good sense to reject! and strife. This week, Stormy Woods at, with lightly tousled hair and an ter, I’d have got up and left. Thank What about bathing, what about I’m surprised most women fall for is taking on the role of the very Austin Reed suit. He’s responsible God my best friend “got dumped” hygiene, and washing clothes? these things come Valentine’s day same men she despises so intently. for providing me with most boring otherwise I’d have killed myself by Accents are another point of dis- anyway – it’s meant to be a day of I just don’t get it. Which part of date in history; and having proved choking on an overcooked chicken pute. I hate guys who don’t realise celebrating your partner and their “we’ve just gone out for a drink, himself pompous, insecure and bone. I’m shuddering at the thought that having an alluring Lancastrian worth, something you could do with not as a couple” does he not under- arrogant, he decided to con himself of him as we speak. Ugh. accent does not make the content their company alone. Lisa Simpson stand? Older men are supposed to that I would fall for his materialistic Hmph. Nick is not the only guy I’m of their speech interesting. “I got is right: “Romance is dead. It was be more with it – more frank, play- smarm. That’s right, in order to add avoiding. Somehow, I’ve managed to trollehd whaal my bro woz taykin’ acquired in a hostile takeover by ing fewer games, and respecting insult to the injury caused by asking acquire a few unwanted admirers a wazz”. If visually stimulating, Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, more boundaries. Clinginess, week- whether I was homosexual on three around College. I don’t know wheth- they’re good for a quick pull and and sold off piece by piece.” Sign up now! Why not get active in the community whilst you’re at Imperial College London? It doesn’t matter if you work or study in Imperial – volunteering will have always something to offer you! We have over 250 volunteering opportunities in our database, so there should be a project for you.

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Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 11

Clubs & Societies [email protected] Ten things I can do that you can’t EPISODE FIVE: The toothbrush

JUGGLING CLUB help extinguish the flames is 1 2 also a good idea, since when your trousers have ignited By Chris Rowlands and your pubic hair is heavily singed, the last thing on your I’ve been feeling a bit guilty of mind is how to pull the pin out late, for a few reasons. One of of the damn fire extinguish- those reasons, which involves er properly. The next most an unnamed Sabbatical important thing is not to wear Officer, a rubber chicken and artificial fibres, since they’re the entire cast of Cats, will much more flammable and remain mercifully untold, make you look like a chav whereas the more pressing [see picture 1]. reason is that most of these Spinning the toothbrush is articles have used props that relatively easy – start in the some people may not have position shown, with the bris- ready access to. After a guilt- tles pointing away from you. wracked few days and one Do not apply toothpaste, as it moment of inspiration, I’ve will get everywhere. Note the discovered the perfect prop, foil between the wick and the owned by (nearly) everyone: plastic – this is an important the toothbrush! factor in preventing the han- WARNING: Whilst great dle from melting all over your fun, the following trick can be feet [see picture 2]. dangerous. By trying it, you Dip the wick in paraffin, are accepting responsibility shake off the excess and get for your own actions, and a lighter ready. You may wish nobody here is responsible if to try a few practice spins you mess it up. If you want first, to get used to it. Once 3 4 further advice on safety, you’re ready, light the wick please contact juggling@ic. and start spinning [see pic- ac.uk, preferably before ture 3]. Swing the toothbrush something goes wrong. in a circle that starts with Of course, this being the handle moving away from Imperial College Juggling you. To keep it spinning you Society, simple toothbrush must move your finger in a manipulation is not sufficient. small, gentle circle – if you try Therefore, in order to make to do it too fast, it will just fall the photos more entertaining, off, and whoever catches it this toothbrush will be on fire. will not be best pleased. The key is to keep it moving, Sadly, this is an experi- since if the toothbrush spends mental art form and we’ve any significant length of time not quite discovered an effi- pointing upwards, the flames cient way to stop. The cur- eat away at the plastic handle rent method is to either wait and you’re suddenly holding until the paraffin runs out, a handful of hot molten plas- or wait until it burns your tic and chlorine fumes. This finger and you drop it, as per tends to make brushing your our blurred, but entertaining teeth with it afterwards much photo [picture 4]. more difficult. So that’s it. If you fancy join- As with any activity, safety ing in with any of our weird is paramount. The important and wonderful juggling activi- safety tips are firstly to have ties, email [email protected] a fire extinguisher and fire and come along on a Tuesday blanket present at all times. evening from 6pm at the Having a friend present to Union. 1. Choose your toothbrush; 2. Make suitable modifications; 3. Set it alight; 4. Find a better way to stop than this Thank James it’s Friday

IC RADIO maximum duration of week- back-to-back tracks played at of our lucky listeners. Simply worst offenders to our vir- Musically it’s all over the end left, with minimum barri- 4pm. Essentially it gives me answer the disgracefully sim- tual cesspit of despair. Past place, for which I make no ers to reaching it. 20 minutes to try to think of ply question, drop us an email victims have included Kerry apologies (it’s my show, deal The Friday Show I spend my Friday after- something insightful to say... and you could be in for a free McFadden, Kilroy, the @ with it). It’s mostly main- noons presenting possibly after which I fail to do so. night out. symbol and virtually all of the stream pop and rock, with a Presented by: the most under-prepared two At 4.30 I’m joined by In the second hour, the studio major supermarket chains. bit of eighties cheese here James Robinson hours of programming you’re Duncan Pearse and André is overwhelmed by the pres- Sometime before 6pm, the and there, and whatever else Style: Mainstream pop, likely to hear on IC Radio. The Refig, to discuss the latest film ence of Matt Cunningham, emperor of the TBR empire takes my fancy. Your requests, rock and chat result is normally amusing, releases. Our resident critics whose official purpose is to Martin Archer pops in (we messages, comments and When: Fridays 4–6pm hopefully entertaining, and at always have something to say deliver the week’s showbiz really must get the locks abuse are all welcome by text How to listen: the very least a harmless bit about the week’s new movies, and entertainment news, changed) and tries to plug and email. www.icradio.com of background noise to keep and will hopefully guide you but it tends to descend into his show amidst a verbal tor- So why not kick of your you company as the working in your cinematic choices for an all-round chit-chat and rent of abuse. It’s all in jest... weekend with me from 4pm, Friday afternoons are great week draws to a close. the weekend. Thanks to the bitching session. The latter honest. on 999AM in Southside and aren’t they? For a start, there We kick of with the snap- marvellous people at Odeon is partly down to another one We’ll also take a romp Linstead Halls, on 1134AM are still more than 60 hours pily-titled ‘Non-Stop Five at Kensington, we also have two of our hastily compiled fea- through the week’s papers across Wye (thanks to the IC to go until the hell of Monday Four’, which somewhat unim- pairs of tickets to give away tures, the dreaded ‘Scumbag’, and the other issues of the Trust) or online at icradio. morning. Plus you have the aginatively consists of five every single week to some where we consign the week’s day. com.

Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 13

What’s on [email protected] £2.50 Every penny of your ticket A small town in 17th century lust and sexual repression in THURSDAY Featuring R&B and hip-hop price goes to the tsunami America is rocked by allega- the town? ALL WEEK from Joe Ransom in the appeal. tions of witchcraft. But are Tickets are available from 24 FEBRUARY launch for his FabricLive CD. Get your tickets now - they these accusations real, or are the SAF building and Charing Plus Bar Shisha in the Union will NOT be available on the they a cover for the greed, Cross sites now. FILMS: VUE CINEMA, Dining Hall. Carlsberg and door. For more details visit lust and sexual repression in Contact: FULHAM BROADWAY UNION EVENTS Tetley’s £1 a pint in dBs bar www.entertain-event.co.uk. the town? [email protected] Student discount ALL WEEK MUSICAL THEATRE all night. Contact: [email protected] Tickets are available from HIDE AND SEEK (15) SOCIETY presents Contact: [email protected] the SAF building and Charing Daily: 1.30pm, 4.20pm, 7pm, CHESS Cross sites now. UNION EVENTS 9.50pm. Fri and Sat only: 7.30pm Contact: SPORTS NIGHT 12midnight. Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad UNION EVENTS [email protected] 8pm–1am SPANGLISH (12) £4.50/£6.50 SPEED DATING Beit Quad Daily: 12.05 (not Sun), 2.50pm, Chess is an emotional, dip- 8pm MONDAY £1 5.50pm, 8.45pm. Fri and Sat lomatic and sporting bat- Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross UNION EVENTS Carlsberg and Tetley £1 a pint only: 11.30pm. tle, which sees loyalties and Hospital 28 FEBRUARY STA TRAVEL QUIZ NIGHT all night in all bars. HOTEL RWANDA (12A) friendships stretched to the £3 entry + £2 to participate 8–10.30pm Contact: [email protected] Daily: 12.30pm (not Sat or limit. It is an incredible work The first ever speed dating Beit Quad Sun), 3.10pm, 6.10pm, 8.40pm. of musical theatre: with a bop. Organised by Imperial COLLEGE EVENTS FREE Fri and Sat only: 11.10pm. solid, complex and twisting Marrow. DEPUTY RECTOR AND Cash and beer prizes on offer. LIFE AQUATIC (15) storyline woven around very Contact: [email protected] UNION PRESIDENT Get a team together and see Daily: 12noon, 2.40pm, deep and interesting charac- SPEAK TO WYE how much you really know. 5.20pm, 8.15pm. Fri and Sat ters, it fuses together a wide STUDENTS Contact: [email protected] THURSDAY only: 11pm. variety of musical styles from Wye campus SHALL WE DANCE (12A) orchestral to choral, rock to Turn to page 2 for more 3 MARCH Daily: 12.10pm (not Sat or pop. Tickets are available details. Sun), 2.30pm (not Sat or Sun), from Union reception in Beit SATURDAY Contact: 5pm, 7.20pm, 9.40pm. Quad and on the door. For [email protected] VERY IMPORTANT IN GOOD COMPANY (PG) more information, visit www. 26 FEBRUARY WEDNESDAY FELIX PUBLISHED Daily: 6.20pm (not Tues), union.ic.ac.uk/mtsoc. 10am onwards 9.15pm. Fri and Sat only: UNION EVENTS 2 MARCH Pick up the next issue from 11.45pm. SPORT CIVIL LIBERTIES TALK your department or the Union THE SPONGEBOB ARTS FEST 2005 RSM BOTTLE MATCH 6pm building. SQUAREPANTS MOVIE JAZZ BIG BAND From 9am Lecture Theatre 2, SAF FREE BABAR AHMAD Contact: [email protected] (12A) 8pm Harlington Sports Ground building THE BIG Daily: 1.40pm, 4pm. Sat and dBs, Beit Quad £10 FREE DEMONSTRATION Sun only: 11.20am. FREE For those interested in sport Could you be in danger of los- Bow Street Magistrates Court, UNION EVENTS THE MAGIC and tradition and who are up ing your liberty? Come along Covent Garden MEDICS’ MAIN PLAY: ROUNDABOUT (U) for an old-style fierce varsity and learn more. 8am–12noon ‘THE CRUCIBLE’ Daily: 1.50pm, 4.15pm. Sat game, the Bottle Match is for Contact: [email protected] Former Imperial College stu- 7.30pm and Sun only: 11.30am. you. Turn to page 21 for more dent and staff member Babar Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad SON OF THE MASK (PG) details. Ahmad’s defence hearing £5 Sat and Sun only: 10.40am, FRIDAY Contact: UNION EVENTS takes place today. A delega- A small town in 17th century 12.55pm. [email protected] MEDICS’ MAIN PLAY: tion from Imperial College America is rocked by allega- LAURA’S STAR (U) 25 FEBRUARY ‘THE CRUCIBLE’ Union will be protesting to tions of witchcraft. But are Sat and Sun only: 11.10am. 7.30pm try to save others from going these accusations real, or are OCEANS TWELVE (12A) UNION EVENTS Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad through his horrific ordeal. they a cover for the greed, Daily: 1pm, 3.50pm, 6.45pm, UNION MEETING MUSICAL THEATRE £5 Contact: [email protected] lust and sexual repression in 9.30pm. EMERGENCY COUNCIL SOCIETY presents A small town in 17th century the town? MEET THE FOCKERS 6.30pm CHESS America is rocked by allega- Tickets are available from (12A) Union Dining Hall, Beit Quad 7.30pm tions of witchcraft. But are UNION EVENTS the SAF building and Charing Daily: 12.20pm, 3pm, 5.40pm, The Council will consider Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad these accusations real, or are MEDICS’ MAIN PLAY: Cross sites now. 8.30pm. Fri and Sat only: a motion of no confidence £4.50/£6.50 they a cover for the greed, ‘THE CRUCIBLE’ Contact: 11.20pm. against Union President Chess is an emotional, dip- lust and sexual repression in 7.30pm [email protected] RACING STRIPES (U) Mustafa Arif. See page 2 for lomatic and sporting bat- the town? Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad Sat and Sun only: 10.30am, details. tle, which sees loyalties and Tickets are available from £5 12.40pm, 2.50pm. Contact: [email protected] friendships stretched to the the SAF building and Charing A small town in 17th century CLOSER (15) limit. It is an incredible work Cross sites now. America is rocked by allega- Daily: 6.30pm (not Tues or of musical theatre: with a Contact: tions of witchcraft. But are Wed), 9pm. Fri and Sat only: UNION EVENTS solid, complex and twisting [email protected] these accusations real, or are 11.40pm. MUSICAL THEATRE storyline woven around very they a cover for the greed, SOCIETY presents deep and interesting charac- CHESS ters, it fuses together a wide 7.30pm variety of musical styles from Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad orchestral to choral, rock to £4.50/£6.50 pop. Tickets are available TUESDAY Running an event? Chess is an emotional, dip- from Union reception in Beit lomatic and sporting bat- Quad and on the door. For 1 MARCH tle, which sees loyalties and more information, visit www. friendships stretched to the union.ic.ac.uk/mtsoc. Tell us about it! limit. It is an incredible work UNION EVENTS of musical theatre: with a PARAMOUNT COMEDY solid, complex and twisting CHARITY BALL ON TAP Felix will print your listings free of charge. storyline woven around very ENTERTAIN 7.30pm Just email [email protected] with LISTINGS in the deep and interesting charac- 8pm Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross ters, it fuses together a wide Great Hall, Sherfield Building Hospital subject field, and tell us: variety of musical styles from £10 £4 • the name of the event orchestral to choral, rock to This Saturday’s Entertain Featuring John Moloney, Sean pop. Tickets are available charity ball is a one off special Percival and Noel Britten. • who is running it from Union reception in Beit in aid of the Tsunami appeal. Contact: Quad and on the door. For Highlights include funky soul [email protected] • the time more information, visit www. band Our Souls, rock band • the location union.ic.ac.uk/mtsoc. Cartel, London superclub resident MacPherson, the UNION EVENTS • the cost (if any) Imperial Jazz Big Band, a MEDICS’ MAIN PLAY: ARTS FEST 2005 variety of other specialist DJs ‘THE CRUCIBLE’ • a brief description of the event AFTERSHOW PARTY playing Rock, Cheese, House 7.30pm • a contact email address 8pm–2am and RnB, a great magician, Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad Beit Quad two huge bars and hot food. £5 Felix 14 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

Music [email protected] Some such jazz (and indie) Scene favourites the Kaiser Chiefs finally bring out their debut album, Monade’s pseudo-jazz stylings fail to impress, and Portobella don’t cover us in punk

an original work. The influences are ALBUM REVIEWS easy to spot: the aforementioned Oh My God could have easily come from The Kaiser Chiefs a Beta Band album, Time Honoured Employment Tradition has Merseyside influenc- (B-Unique) es (Zutons, anyone?) and there’s a HHHII general throwback to any number of jumpy mid-nineties bands. Traditionally, at the beginning of each Pillaging the past never harmed a year, the music press go crazy over band’s career though – just ask any who will be the ‘next big thing’. Last of the myriad of rock bands around year all the trendy magazines proph- today. You Can Have It All – one of esised the rise of Franz Ferdinand, the standout tracks – is a beautiful who have now gone on to take the piece of sixties-era pop in the vein world by storm. But their predic- of The Kinks and The Moody Blues, tions don’t always come true – how and Saturday Night (which features big are Black Rebel Motorcycle Club ex-Blur guitarist Graham Coxon on in comparison, for instance? the motorbike, trivia fans) is a joyful So far, we’ve had two main bands homage to Supergrass, with driving competing for the most hype gener- guitar lines and background ‘oohs’ The Kaiser ated this year. There’s the genuinely intact. Chiefs: one of thrilling Bloc Party with their first So are the Kaiser Chiefs worthy of them has a release Silent Alarm, and now we the hype they’ve received? Well…... tambourine have the Kaiser Chiefs with their es. No. Sort of. There’s enough proof debut, Employment. Success is here that the Kaisers know how ous successes; whilst stark images not seen since circa 1995. Listening to Monade’s new album, almost guaranteed for the Leeds to put together a catchy album, and colours usually adorn dance Viva La Difference! appeals to A Few Steps More, I was instantly four-piece, having already been with appealing hooks and flowing acts’ LPs. So what does the smould- your childish side. Pop-princess reminded of Mitchell. The pseu- given the NME seal of approval in wordplay intact. But the fact that ing grin of Portobella’s half Italian track titles such as Freakin’ In do-jazz backing almost verges on the form of the ‘Radar Award’ at last they wear their influences heavily front women, Luciana Caporaso, Stereo and Spellbound reflect the lounge but is saved from toppling week’s ceremony. But do they live up on their sleeve stops this collection brandishing a broken microphone weak songwriting and limited tal- over the edge by a twist of French to their hype? from becoming as memorable as it suggest? Jumping to conclusions, I ents of the band, but there’s a little lyrics and ambient links. The album It all starts off reasonably well, with could have. expected some spoilt brat, wannabe something that manages to capture comes across as sleep music, lull- Everyday I Love You Less And Less, The Kaiser Chiefs need to create lesbian making trashy, thrash metal your imagination. Like the rubbish ing you into a false sense of comfort a cheeky opener with its fuzzed-up their own unique niche before they with howling banshee vocals. How bands from your childhood that you wherever you are but by the end is keyboards and ska rhythms, and its can start taking over the world. wrong could I be. still love although you know they are as boring as a party political broad- talk of dumping someone whilst pro- Viva La Difference! is the badly undeniably pants, Portobella have a cast. Perhaps trying to expand on their claiming “And my parents love me / File under: titled to-be-released album from time and a place to be played, and as And my girlfriend loves me”, leading Smart indie with classic influences Portobella, a variation on the name such fit the bill perfectly. fan base, the track listings not only you to wonder how many girls he’s If you like this, try: of one of the most famous markets If you are looking for a blast of include English and French titles, got hidden away. A slew of decent The Futureheads – The Futureheads in London. As one of the three bands cheesy-electro-rock-pop to do the but also Spanish and German; the tracks follow on from this; there’s who were documented for MTV’s astro to in your room when no-one point of this isn’t clear since all the the explosive I Predict A Riot, which Matthew Hartfield Break Point, they are looking for is looking, Portobella are the answer, singing is blatantly French. Like despite previous reviews in this a base from which to launch their although they won’t keep you up all Rammstein, the foreign language paper (see Felix 1301) is a great album. night. vocals put the album in a different song mapping out urban decay, and Portobella Their second single, the album’s light, which would probably be its the recent release Oh My God with Viva La Difference! title track, was only released this saving grace, if lead singer Laetitia (Island) File under: its trippy verses building up into a month, apparently delayed due Punky synth-pop Sadler could muster up any vocal crashing chorus. HHIII to huge club success, and follows If you like this, try: variation. It’s a far cry from her A few tracks in, though, you’ll get a Covered In Punk, Portobella’s first Annie - Anniemal Stereolab experience. nagging feeling that you’ve heard it Album covers tend to be a bit of a single, which came out in summer The music is nothing inspiring. all before. It’s not surprising, since in giveaway: anything abstract general- 2004. The song is a joyful mix of Nick Simpson The organ-style Moog can be heard general Employment plays as if the ly means some weird or exciting new bubblegum vocals and naff guitars on many tracks with jazzy drumming Chiefs have been grave robbing the music; run of the mill artist pictures to Filthy/Gorgeous-style bass. Best breaks for inane keyboard solos. The Britpop tomb rather then producing are intrinsic to follow ups of previ- described as a pop cross between Monade diversity between songs is about two Guano Apes and Peaches, Portobella A Few Steps More beats per minute, other than that serves up synthetic backing to (Too Pure) it all merges to form a mass of dreamy vocals and raucous rants. HHIII grey. Only one track past the upbeat Spend The Night floats on synth- opener of Wash And Dance has any strings with dubious echoes of a It seems like the end of an era. continuity and finesse (Sensible Et drum pad every ten seconds, show- Every week, a rock or rhythm and Extensible), which is a pity since the ing a softer side to the group, com- blues legend dies aged 60. album started with promise. pared to the ‘in your face’ approach Most recently, Doobie Brothers I really can’t get excited by this of most of the album. The lyrics drummer Kieth Knusden and cou- album, neither can I bring myself aren’t really supposed to mean any- ple of weeks ago, Jim Capaldi. One to dislike it. Being the middle-of- thing (being aimed at clubbing) and of the most innovative drummers the-road LP it is, A Few Steps More are vaguely based on the title of of his time, Capaldi played with will fade into obscurity, being played each track – they are just another Traffic. Their album, John Barley at middle-class dinner parties up component in the mix. Corn Must Die, was the first I ever and down the country. Maybe they Almost a viable Eurovision entrant, fell in love with, instantly relating to haven’t heard of Joni Mitchell but the sound of Portobella walks the fine the jazz, blues and folk-influenced now you have, you don’t need to line between acceptable and cheesy songwriting. Somewhere between listen to this poor adventure of the europop, and could be considered as then and now I discovered Hissing same vein. London’s take on the Scissor Sisters, Of Summer Lawns by Joni Mitchell. Although it was the only album of although not a touch on the camp File under: gods of pop. Meet Me At The Y Bar hers I have ever got on with (the Easy-listening jazz is one of the highlights of the record: eighties had a bad affect on her If you like this, try: supported by thick background music), she found a niche and devel- Feist - Let It Die fuzz, Caporaso sings loveable punky oped an original and easy-going jazz- Monade: middle-class easy listening, apparently vocals carrying a pop chart melody ish sound. Nick Simpson Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 15

MUSIC [email protected] Button-pushingly good The Chemical Brothers, long-lived stalwarts of the indie-dance scene, have returned to their roots and brought us their genre-hopping new record

genre-bending nature of Push The and the vocally dexterous, Jay-Z- ALBUM REVIEW Button, making some purists feel sounding Mos Def, to the Casio the Chemical Brothers have flown keyboard dedication from the eight- The Chemical Brothers off course. ies, Close Your Eyes. That’s not all Push The Button Come Inside is a demonstration – the Brothers have also tried to (Virgin) of the initiative used throughout latch onto the R’n’B/crunk fad with HHHHH the record. Touching on old school Shake Break Bounce, incorporating with chilling vocals, huge electro retro Space Invaders samples into a With the invasion of R’n’B into every bursts and thundering bass hooks, rapid bare beat and Spanish guitar. aspect of the music industry, pow- the track evolves into a hyperactive Unfortunately this becomes a brief ered by the stream of exciting new mix of build-ups and breakdowns. let down in the middle of a great acts that continues to flow out of It finishes by blending into The Big album, trying too hard and end- America, British dance is suffering Jump, a rollercoaster of electronica ing up as a poor trip-hop wannabe. a recession. frenzy and a sampling master class. Probably the most unexpected ele- Glastonbury saw one of Orbital’s The industrial sounding Believe ment on the album is the slide blues last gigs, and popular support for moves the album in a fresh direc- guitar that plays throughout the Underworld and Basement Jaxx is tion, featuring up-and-coming Bloc penultimate track Marvo Ging with waining, despite some awesome live Party’s Kele Okereke on vocals, surprisingly great results. performances. exploding out from a beat heavy There are plenty of five star albums One of the greatest British dance shell with a potency only rivaled by about but the careful construction of acts, with a constantly evolving The Prodigy. Push The Button is on another level; The Chemical Brothers: they’ll punch you, they’re not kidding sound, is the duo, Tom Rowlands and One of the hidden gems on Push seminal it most definitely is. A joy Ed Simons, two ex-medieval history The Button is the phenomenal Hold to listen to, it is a display of amaz- appeal but they help The Chemical Drawing from their contemporar- students who met at Manchester Tight London, brought to life by ing album composition, an all but Brothers raise the bar in what ies such as Faithless and Leftfield, University in 1988. Push the Button Anna-Lynn Williams’ (Trespassers) forgotten art that barely features on seemed a drained genre. Admittedly, Rowlands and Simons have built is the brand new album from the vocals and has more than a pass- any modern releases. Rowlands and with exception to Galvanize, the on experience, creating something Chemical Brothers, who were initi- ing resemblance to the sounds of Simons suck you into their world album lacks the vocal catch phras- a bit special: a summary of why ated into the mainstream by 1999’s Sneaker Pimps and Air. Reminiscent from the first bars of the opening es symbolic of previous works and British dance is undoubtedly the Surrender with tracks such as Hey of Underworld but with vision never track and don’t let go for the whole there is an overwhelming sense best in the world. A defining exam- Boy, Hey Girl and Let Forever Be heard before, Incubus-style whale 60-minute journey; something I had of refinement, which might not be ple of their previous work Push The debuting high in the charts. noises top off a surreal, 5am experi- to repeat straight away. The sound to everyone’s taste. The Chemical Button is not, but it does everything The album follows the Brothers’ ence. By the time you reach Surface of Push The Button will haunt clubs Brothers have also run the risk of else you’d expect from veterans of history of collaborations, including To Air, yet another job well done, the for years to come. It is an instant overwhelming the listener by incor- the festival circuit. Richard Ashcroft, Noel Gallagher album is over. A guitar-ballad versus classic and benchmark for albums porating a vast range of influences So if you don’t have tickets to their and Bobby Gillespie, by kicking off dance track finale, it has awe-inspir- in the vague vicinity of the dance to the album, but looking back it felt upcoming show, go and find a tout to a flying start with a helping hand ing finishing touch sound effects genre. like a natural progression. The live because it will the best laser-fest from the talented Q-Tip (A Tribe that leave a warm glow inside. The welcome return of The show experience has certainly made you’ll ever go to. But if being pum- Called Quest) on Galvanize. This It might sound corny saying there Chemical Brothers, once more the Chemical Brothers more aware melled into submission by one of the extrovert rampage is the first sin- is something for everyone on the LP, changes the way we look at music. of the pressures of follow-up albums, most sublime live shows around isn’t gle from the album and has topped but I will anyway, from the military- Not only will the plethora of rock, but I love this production. Clean but your cup of tea, there is no excuse download charts since its release. themed hip-hop joint that is Left indie, rap and hip-hop vocalists not clinical, it provides a healthy not to own the album, whatever The track immediately shows the Right, featuring milky bass breaks on the album add to the universal shot of dance that we all need. you’re into. Matthew Hartfield The Marble Index are huge in Canada, but over here they merit little more than a gig at the Betsey Trotswood, capacity 60. Felix questioned them closely on fame and booze

would be (whisper it quietly) new- what we really want to do, we’re that its mostly for putting out their LIVE REVIEW wave. INTERVIEW not doing it to fit into a scene. It’s own stuff: “Somewhere down the A new-wave garage band, you honest. road, if things go well, we wouldn’t The Marble Index scoff! Whatever next, punk-funk? The Marble Index “We came together on our own, we rule out trying to sign other bands, The Betsey Trotswood It’s not instantly obvious as they “Expensive coaster of suck” weren’t put together by any higher but right now, it’s just for our own HHHII launch into A Lot Of These Things, forces,” adds Ryan, before a discus- thing.” with Brad’s lazy Canadian drawl, sion about Busted ensues. Incredibly, they recorded the This is a very strange occurrence. but then you notice that Ryan is The band have been called “electric Just to give you have an under- album in Wigan. That’s Wigan, On the other side of the Atlantic, attacking his bass in a way I could garage pop”, but they’re not too standing of how huge they are, this England. “There’s a great producer Canada’s The Marble Index would only describe as angular. keen on that description. Brad (gui- band have toured with the Pixies. there, John Kettle [Moco, Roller, be playing venues equivalent to As they yelp their way through tar/vocals) told me: “I don’t like the Out of all their support slots, they’ve Tuuli]”, Ryan explains. the Astoria here, or even Brixton single I Believe and the melodically whole garage connotation, because found that the highlight. Adam: “We went there to test Academy when supporting bands brilliant Not So Bright, you can see it implies everything that came out Brad: “I think musically our some stuff out, and we really liked like The Pixies. Here they’re play- how The Marble Index have built up around the time of The Strokes. We favourite had to be the Pixies. The working with him [Kettle] and the ing The Betsey Trotswood, a lit- such popularity. These are rocking kinda have a rough sound, it isn’t Dears are mates of ours, so it’s studio. I’m sure we could have gone tle underground cavern where I tracks that would not sound out of meant to be really shiny or clean, always good to see them, and Hot other places if we wanted to but we patiently sit through David Gray place on the radio, albeit XFM or but I wouldn’t go as far as garage.” Hot Heat was good, but that was a felt really comfortable there. That wannabes The Motorpool, with the likes. Adam (drums) sees it differently: while ago.” They’ve been playing was the main reason for going to about five other people. Five! There I’m desperately trying to decipher “With pop together it almost fits. I huge venues recently, Brad says: Wigan.” are people in Canada who would kill what I have written about the rest of don’t think you could call it pop on “Most of them were between five Asked to comment on this, ahem, for this opportunity. the set, but a mixture of excitement it’s own, or garage on its own. If and nine thousand capacity.” Adam: constructive criticism, “This is Instead of going through the and LOUD seems to have turned you’ve got to label it I guess garage- “We felt comfortable there.” an album for those who get their motions in what they confess to my careful journalistic musings into pop is OK.” Brad has been heard to say “every rocks off on indecipherable lyrics being the smallest venue they’ve something deposited by an inebriat- Those cursed words “The Next time the booze is free flowing, we and annoying guitar. For everyone ever played, The Marble Index treat ed spider. I think I’ve written “Holy Big Thing” have been bandied always get into some trouble!” else it’s just an expensive coaster it as a chance to let off some steam, no! Disco bassline! What are his around when describing the band. They laugh nervously. Brad elab- of suck”, they laugh, before finally and rip through a devilishly noisy hands doing?” in conjunction with Ryan (bass) said: “We started hear- orates: “We’re paying for it [the responding. set. We Can Make It and, rather confus- ing it at the beginning of 2003, there booze] tonight! That’s the way it is, Adam: “You know who wrote that? So what do they sound like? The ingly, “Nice! Chords above the 12th was some hype in Canada.” They when the booze just keeps coming It was that huge Nickleback guy [a ‘garage’ term gets lazily thrown fret + rawk. Bleeeed!” for the furi- laugh. “It’s better than saying ‘the you people just say things... I’ve put fan, I presume, not just a big guy around a lot, that sound of 2002. Is ous finisher Creamin’. next piece of shit’!” my foot in my mouth a few times, from Nickleback).” that fair? Sure, they have the ener- Most certainly more than a one They’ve described themselves I’m sure I’ve made some enemies Brad: “In context, if you take it gy and presence of The Datsuns, trick pony, seriously sharp rock plus as “the real deal”, although they when I was sauced up. I’m sure we from someone whose favourite band but not the fret-wankery or massive what I can only describe as inhuman don’t seem to remember who said it. all have, but when it goes free, we is Nickleback, then I don’t really boredom factor. They also have the bass lines equals a band on the up. Adam elaborates: “I think when we all seem to take advantage of the mind. I wouldn’t expect someone melodicism of The Vines, but with It’s only a matter of time before they said ‘the real deal’ we were refer- freedom of alcohol!” to be a fan of Nickleback and us. It out a spastic spoilt-kid singer. In win England over too. ring to the fact that we’re not faking They even have their own label, doesn’t really throw me off.” fact, a good genre I’d stick on them James Millen it, what we do is genuine to us, it’s ‘Death Of Records’. Brad explains James Millen Felix 16 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

Nightlife [email protected] What’s your type? If you’re looking for funky house then The Cross is...

between the rooms made it impos- ed and I was interested in saving CLUB REVIEW sible to find a place to settle unless energy for the last action in the you could handle the freezing wind main room provided by French DJ, Type Fourth Birthday in the garden. It is said that over David Guetta. The Cross 50% of the people moving around in David Guetta has burst onto the HHHHI a club have absolutely no idea where forefront of the London club scene they are going, and we spent most with a residency at Type and regu- The last time I went to a party that of the first hour just moping around lar slots at Turnmills’ City Loud had been hyped as much as Type’s and leaning against walls. However, thanks to the overwhelming success fourth birthday was when I went to once the Audio Bullys took the decks of his Fuck Me I’m Famous parties see Fat Boy Slim at Turnmills last we were fortunate to find ourselves in Ibiza. At City Loud, he played year and I had a terrible time. The in an enclosed area adjacent to the a flamboyant set including some fact that I had flu was no help, but main room with convenient bar funked up electro and some lively the main problem was that there access, comfy seats and more than 4/4 house music that included some were way too many people. enough room to move. catchy remixes of well-known tunes, The Cross is a much smaller venue I had never heard the Audio Bullys and his performance at Type was than Turnmills, with about half the before, but their set really justified slick and classy. Guetta whetted the capacity, and with a line-up includ- their billing and their name. The crowd’s appetite for some old skool ing Audio Bullys, Seb Fontaine and crowd were driven to the point of with Smack My Bitch Up but the David Guetta in the main room and euphoria by some uplifting funky set did not really get into full flow support from the likes of Wes in house and then suddenly, without until about 5am when he savagely room 2, there was good reason to be warning, the Audio Bullys played dropped Josh Wink’s Higher State worried that I might spend six hours What A Difference A Day Makes, a of Consciousness. jammed between some fat, sweaty song that sounds more like a lullaby The high was sustained as a series chav scum. and certainly had the less empa- of uplifting diva tracks were reeled French house-meister David Guetta My girlfriend chatted up the pro- thetically challenged declaring love off, including some of Guetta’s own moter during the week and guaran- for new people. The pattern con- work such as last summer’s Ibiza commercial and a bit cheesy and I mulletted German superstar, Timo teed us six guest list spots, but three tinued with a big drop followed by hit Stay. had my own doubts, but the venue Maas. So that should be excellent of the party immobilised themselves 99 Red Balloons and finally Bang As the night drew tantalisingly turned out to be spot on and the too. long before the security search Bang (Baby Shot Me Down) from to a close, the atmosphere in the delivery of a few old favourites real- became relevant. The rest of us the Kill Bill soundtrack which made main room was electric and when ly topped off a quality night. As I File under: were pleased to find, however, that emotional wreckage of anyone who the promoter failed to bow to crowd went into the club, the PR smugly House, many Types as ‘guests’ we were quickly ushered had let the Bullys get on top. pressure to allow one more record, boasted the quality of the line-up If you like this, try: inside with the minimum of fuss. Seb Fontaine was next up and the sense of disappointment was they had that night. The next Type, City Loud @ Turnmills My fears about overcrowding were although his set was typically profi- palpable. on Saturday 12 March, features Seb justified as a constant flow of people cient, the club was still very crowd- Some might say that Type is too Fontaine and Wes as well as the Oliver Richardson Subdued? No, this is Sub Red... CLUB REVIEW

Sub Red Imperial College Union HHHII

You might remember that last week I was telling you to get yourself down to Sub Red. I did, and camera in hand I even managed to snap a few of you bouncing around dBs in the process. I had been sitting in the Union Bar for a good few hours before the night had even started, but was looking forward to the line up of DJs for the evening. First up were IC Radio’s Spindle and Chug, not quite play- ing back to back but between them dropping some heavy tunes. Sadly, as is often the case at the Union, the room was empty for the first few hours. Stepping in and out now and then to check out the tunes, I was impressed by the calibre of the music and the mixing on offer. It’s just a shame there was hardly any- Bryan Gee (right) lays down the drum and bass for the Sub Red revellers at the Union last Friday. Look closely and you might see a girl... one around to hear it. As the night progressed slowly, Things rolled along nicely in terms here were clearly loving the music, by all. The fact that there was vodka can be arsed to spend time in your people started arriving and filling of the music, and drum and bass and giving it plenty of the old D&B plus mixer for a pound a pop all Union. Make some effort and the the place up. Spindle and Chug’s sounds bloody good over dBs’ new bounce and snap movements. night was the icing on the cake of only way is up. set was followed by MacPherson. Turbosound PA system, complete Finally, headliner and Movement what turned out to be a top night. The Union’s Venue Manager, and with big-ass bass bins to resonate resident Bryan Gee put in an Ok, so the place wasn’t packed out, File under: the brains behind the Sub Red you inside and out. Gradually more appearance. By this time, the place and as usual the male/female ratio Drum and Bass night, he’s played at such places as and more people did arrive, though was about as full as it was going to wasn’t so great, but in spite of those If you like this, try: superclub Fabric. His mixing style the place was far from full. No mat- get, but there were enough people things Sub Red is a quality night out Movement @ Bar Rumba is damned fast and involves lots of ter though – as I always say, the here intent on partying that things – if nothing else it’s a very cheap quick chops and cuts between beats emptier the room, the more space like that didn’t really matter. Gee’s pre-club outing. The only way it’s Simon Clark and tracks. Bouncy. to dance around in! The people set was suitably honed and enjoyed going to get better is if more of you Nightlife Editor Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 17

Arts [email protected] Gut-wrenching Free time: how to spend it, if you still remember what it is Tatum Fjerstad goes beyond the West End

Tejas Verdes following a young girl through her ture victims. The verbal descrip- OK, so I’m feeling a little jaded and the Ottoman Empire over a thou- 7 - 26 March torture. Colorina, played by Shereen tions of methods of torture are worn out: term grinds on as it always sand years. Much of it is spectacu- The Gate Theatre, Martineau, is a fictional charac- nauseating on a level that paral- does, and the work load isn’t getting lar. The Matisse exhibition, opening Pembridge Road, W11 ter that playwright Fermín Cabal lels with the film Schindler’s List. any lighter, in fact the thought that on 5 March, will be a somewhat created based on real testimonies Don’t go for happy fuzzy warm there aren’t even four whole weeks less physically taxing affair as it will Every once in a while I go to the given by torture survivors in Chile. feelings, be prepared for gut- of term left is becoming a truly be housed in the smaller space at theatre and see a production and I The all-female cast of five could wrenching, heart-tugging disgust. frightening prospect! However, what the Academy, the Sackler Wing. The stagger away drunken with excite- not fail to move you. Martineau Even if you don’t go for the act- is really getting to me is the fact exhibition will include many of the ment and say to myself, “This is plays Colorina intelligently and you ing, or the new look at torture, the that I’m missing out on so many artist’s vividly colourful paintings why I love theatre, this is why I am always want more of her. The other set and its designer Dick Bird do great opportunities to see exhibi- and, exceptionally, also a number of here.” Tejas Verdes at The Gate characters are people that have been definitely deserve your applause. tions and performances. Due to end textile works. theatre is the most recent pro- touched by Colorina in some way. If anything, this remarkable rendi- of term ‘scheduling issues’, I’m hav- The Tate Britain currently has the duction to give me those feelings. Diana Hardcastle playing both tion of a forest is vivid and strik- ing to give up my ticket for second highly acclaimed Turner, Whistler Right off, I’d like to apologise – I The Friend and The Informer ing. Tree trunks dripping with part of Wagner’s Ring at the Royal and Monet exhibition on. This charts have nothing bad to say about this gives you a heart-wrenching sap surround the audience, while Opera – with my luck, I’ll never hear the influence of Turner’s work on show. Tejas Verdes is 70 minutes of look at how terrible it can be to standing on several centimetres Terfel’s Wotan! That was my rant, that of the two rivals. This runs until monologues performed promenade- befriend someone and give them up. of soft dirt and cobblestones. As I I’ll move on now. 15 March. style. So ladies and gents keep your Gemma Jones, who is known walked into the dark theatre, I could There are a number of exhibi- In terms of performance arts, knees bent and relaxed (three peo- from such films as Bridget Jones: smell the outdoors and I clutched tions on in town these days that don’t forget to look out for the really ple fainted during the performance On the Edge of Reason, delivers my overcoat, as I felt transported really ought to be seen. At the Royal good student offers from the London I saw and it was rather distracting). an amazing performance as The out of London into a chilled forest. Academy, Turks is currently run- Philharmonic. The run of Beethoven Tejas Verdes, meaning green Gravedigger. Her eyes are pierc- The play closed on 19 February, ning, (I have managed to see this symphonies is over, as are a series roofing tiles, was the Auschwitz ing and it’s impossible to look away but a new run has been announced and a review will soon follow), and of concerts putting Sibelius centre- of General Pinochet’s regime in as she describes her personal sick- for March. If you didn’t go the first what looks to be a fabulous Matisse stage, but there is still a lot more Chile. This torture and detention ening encounter with Colorina. time round, you missed an experi- exhibition will soon open. Turks is out there. Check their website www. camp was in use for almost a year While it seems impossible, Tejas ence, one that would have stayed a massive exhibition charting the lpo.org.uk for programme details as and could hold up to 200 prisoners. Verdes gives the audience a new with you forever, don’t miss your cultural and artistic influences that well as the offers. Paola Smith The audience is taken on a journey look at torture, torturers and tor- second opportunity. found their way into what became Arts Editor Strike a pose! Recycling fashion event to raise money for TRAID

Garbo and Monroe, Dietrich and possibility of recycling household planet, moving away from the cur- kind of recyclable waste, for exam- daring. Proceeds from the event will DiMaggio, now it’s your turn. Here’s waste into fashion items, be they rent throwaway culture. ple, junk mail, bubble wrap, plastic go to TRAID, Textile Recycling for your chance to strut your stuff on clothes or accessories. The fashion show will be held on bottles or old clothes. The possibili- Aid and International Development. the catwalk as a model or as a fash- The project encourages the pos- Monday 14th March 2005 at dBs ties are of course endless. Tickets for the event are priced ion designer in a 21st century eco sibility of self expression, environ- Bar, Beit Quad. Doors will open at The aim of the night is to have fun, at £8, £4 students/concessions. style. mental awareness and fun through 6pm, and the parade will begin at to express ourselves and to raise There will be prizes for the top three The ‘Re-dress Yourself’ project, (re)creating fashion from recycled 7pm. We will advertise for design awareness. The project team want designs. All you need is your own being organised and led by Central waste. It’s a chance to redress the teams and/or individuals from the to encourage all members of the imagination... Library librarian Nadia Aref-Adib, balance between what we perceive local College community. Each team College community to come togeth- For more information, contact some of her colleagues and the stu- as waste and what we can do to or individual will design a piece of er for this event. So start collecting, [email protected]. dents’ union, aims to highlight the ensure a sustainable future for our clothing or an accessory from any get organised and think big, bold and Marilyn Clarke

Re-dress and recycle: could you find a trend-setting fashion item here? Felix 18 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

[email protected] Film Listings: page 13 Looking for good company? Dennis Quaid plays a middle-aged ad exec faced with a new boss who’s nearly half his age... and who also happens to be sleeping with his daughter

In Good Company roses for Doryea either. He is an eager achiever who thinks that his Director: Paul Weitz life will all be sorted out the minute Starring: Dennis Quaid, Topher he achieves his promotion. Grace, Scarlett Johansson, However, disaster strikes. Doryea’s Marg Helgenberger wife of seven months leaves him, Length: 110 minutes and he soon realises that, in his Certificate: PG eagerness to achieve, he is left with HHHHI no friends. He tries to make friends in the company, but it’s difficult due We first join Dan Foreman (Dennis to corporate cutbacks. He manages Quaid) as the Head of Marketing to build quite an odd relationship at Sports America. He has dedi- with Dan, despite Dan’s opposition. cated 21 years of his life to the He gets to know the Foreman family, magazine and has managed to gain and meets Dan’s tomboyish daugh- quite a good reputation in marketing ter Alex. through building relationships with There is an instant attraction his clients. between Alex and Doryea. Since Unbeknown to Dan, Sports Alex has just transferred to NYU, America has been taken over by corporate giant globe.com and, “Quaid slips into his despite his years of experience, he will soon be demoted to Assistant role as if the part Head. Further adding insult to inju- ry, his replacement, Carter Doryea was written for him” (Topher Grace), has no experience in marketing and is only half Dan’s they manage to keep the relation- age. Doryea is a business school ship a secret from Dan. However, at prodigy, and he changes the depart- Dan’s birthday party, the cat is let Men and their balls... ment of marketing by introducing out of the bag. corporate synergy to boost ad sales In Good Company is actually Dan’s family troubles, which make relationship develops. It helps achiever to perfection. However, in Sports America. based on a phenomenon happen- him seem more realistic to the view- the audience view Doryea as the the movie doesn’t manage to bring This is an unfortunate moment ing in our world today – corpo- ers. The movie also makes fun of lonely, needy, confused young man out the acting talents of Scarlett for Dan to be demoted because his rate takeovers, cutbacks and the Doryea’s awkwardness and vul- that he really is. Their relationship Johansson. wife (Marg Helgenberger) is expect- old being replaced with the new. nerability, to make the character also adds a softer, feminine appeal Overall, In Good Company is a ing another baby, and his daughter, Nevertheless, the movie manages more endearing to the audience. to the movie which helps it relate surprisingly good movie. Surprising Alex (Scarlett Johansson) has trans- to avoid becoming a documentary Therefore, the plot becomes more to both female and male audiences because it has a down-to-earth ferred to a more expensive college, condemning corporate takeover, by unpredictable as the audience is not despite the story focusing on the theme which manages to shine New York University. Therefore, allowing the viewers to look through led to favour either Dan or Doryea. two men. despite the high-flying conspiracy despite the embarrassment and the the lenses of Dan and Doryea. The introduction of Alex and The casting for this movie is bril- theories we have grown used to. fact that he disapproves of Doryea’s Through Dan’s perspective, Doryea’s relationship is another liant. Dennis Quaid slips into his role It has a strong and unpredictable methods, Dan has to stay in his job we manage to observe the nega- brilliant mind-twister in the plot. A as the fatherly businessman as if the storyline, and is definitely a movie to and become Doryea’s ‘wingman’. tive effects of corporate takeovers. considerable amount of the movie part was written for him. Topher keep you ‘in good company’. Things aren’t exactly a bed of However, the movie focuses on is dedicated to showing how their Grace plays the fresh-faced eager Angela Yuen Lee Ever get the feeling you’re being played?

Gaddis (John C Reilly) takes the right every step of the way. They Criminal role of the professional con man. He agree to split the three quarters Director: Gregory Jacobs knows the tricks of the trade and of a million between them, but can Starring: John C Reilly, Diego Luna, is looking for a new partner in the Rodrigo really trust a professional Maggie Gyllenhaal, Peter Mullan business. Luckily he finds just the con man? Length: 88 minutes right man in the form of a desper- Criminal lacks the big names that Certificate: 15 ate Mexican named Rodrigo (Diego can be found in the Ocean’s Eleven, HHIII Luna). Richard manages to rescue but to be honest I think this isn’t Rodrigo from a failed attempt to rip really a big name movie. Reilly does I’m sure we’ve all had that feel- off a casino waitress and takes him a good job as the con man and Luna ing. The feeling of pure contentment under his wing. carries the part of the inexperienced when we observe something that Desperately needing money to sidekick very well. I found the dis- goes to plan. Every little detail fits pay off his father’s gambling debt, trusting relationship between these nicely into place. Two such examples Rodrigo decides to stick around to two rather amusing to watch and of what I’m describing are Ocean’s learn a few things and profit from adding a little something extra that Eleven and Catch Me if You Can. Richard’s experience. It eventually other films of this sort possess. Watching these films and seeing becomes clear that Rodrigo has a The plot is strong (although basic) these con men cheating people out gift that Richard doesn’t have, price- all the way through, and is easy to of their money is very satisfying to less in the con man world. He looks follow so you won’t have to struggle watch. Why is this so, if it is obvious- like a nice guy. They both find that in to keep up with what’s going on. ly wrong? I believe it’s because they order to make the big bucks they’ll This might not be everyone’s cup of look so smooth when they’re ripping have to rely on one another. tea, but I’d had a long day. people off. No panicking, no sweat, However, when the chance to Another aspect of the film which Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jake’s little sister! they’re just cool at what they do and make it big comes along by selling I enjoyed was that it showed how you can’t help but admire them and a fake of the most valuable piece things don’t ever go exactly as individuals who catch on to their wasn’t amazing and will never be want them to get away with it. of antique currency in America planned, since along the way to mak- dirty scam and who each want a an epic but honestly, there are far Criminal is the latest film released to wealthy media tycoon William ing their sale to Hannigan, Richard share of the money. worse ways to spend an hour and a into the con man genre and takes a Hannigan (Peter Mullan), Richard and Rodrigo find in order to succeed Frankly I can’t say there was half at the cinema. slightly different approach. Richard and Rodrigo need to play their cards they need the help of more and more anything I hated about the film. It Stephen Smith Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 19

FILM [email protected] In step with most chick flicks Like the tango, Shall We Dance is absolutely routine

sis that all men with a wife, 2.5 kids Shall We Dance and a dog undergo, and he real- Director: Peter Chelsom ises something is missing in his life Starring: Richard Gere, Jennifer (obviously tango lessons). Lopez, Susan Sarandon Blankly staring outside the win- Length: 107 minutes dow of his train whilst commuting Certificate: 12A home one day, Clark sees a beautiful HHIII young woman (er... Lopez) staring out of one of the windows above a Shall We Dance was originally a sign for a dance academy. Intrigued Japanese film that won a huge audi- by her solitude, the tortured look in ence, both in Japan and the western her eyes and obviously her figure, world. Clark madly stumbles off the train There are three things I utterly and enrols in the dance academy to despise when it comes to movies. get closer to her. Number one: Hollywood remakes of Clark’s plan backfires – he is small low-key productions that ruin instead taught ballroom dancing by the warmth and small scale of the original film. Number two: romantic “...mind-numbingly comedies. Number three: Jennifer Lopez. Therefore it was with an predictable and understandable sense of trepidation that I entered the cinema to watch clichéd every step a Hollywood rehash of a romantic comedy with Jennifer Lopez. of the way” The actual plot is surprisingly like- able and my original sense of impend- Miss Mitzy (Anita Gillette) whilst ing doom vanished quite quickly. Lopez, who is later known to be Although predictable and clichéd at a dancer named Paulina, remains many, many points throughout the aloof and cold – in her own words: Jennifer Lopez with yet another astoundingly bad performance film, you find yourself actually enjoy- “I prefer not to socialise with stu- ing it. The movie starts off with an dents.” thing but that crucial something, ter’s role as aloof and detached, Overall, this is not a bad movie to introduction to the very creatively Funnily enough, Clark turns out and Sarandon’s portrayal of the she has taken it a little too far and watch if you don’t want to involve named John Clark (Gere), an over- to have a hidden talent for danc- unsaid but still strong love that appears wooden and impassive – the use of a single brain cell. It worked businessman commuting to ing. What an amazing coincidence. exists between a middle-aged mar- indeed, you would be forgiven for is mind-numbingly predictable and from his office every day. He Also very unpredictably so, his wife ried couple is exquisite. In fact, the mistaking her in some scenes for and clichéd every step of the way, arrives home every evening to his gets suspicious of her husband’s entire cast perform consistently well her wax reproduction in Madame and some scenes are slow-moving. graceful wife (Sarandon) and his two absences from the house and sus- and deliver strong performances, Tussauds. One commendable point However, the characters are defi- children and his dog but you get the pects that her husband is having an really bringing their characters to that cannot go overlooked, however, nitely novel and engaging, and I am impression that everything in his life affair. Clichéd? No, not at all. life. is that her dance scenes with Gere sure Jennifer Lopez’s inclusion in is pretty boring and predictable. The performances by the cast are The entire cast, that is, apart from were completely flawless. The lady the film will certainly have a part to At the time of his latest birthday, strong – Gere fits in quite nicely as Jennifer Lopez. It appears that in can move – I’ll give you that – and play in the film’s grossing at the box Clark is hit with a quiet midlife cri- the middle-aged man with every- her attempt to fit into her charac- so can Gere! offices. Marya Ziauddin Hide and seek OUT NEXT WEEK Released on Friday 25 February at Vue Fulham Broadway: Released: 25 February ● Hide and Seek Director: John Polson Starring: Robert De Niro, Dakota Fan- ● Spanglish ning, Elisabeth Shue ● Hotel Rwanda Length: 101 minutes Certificate: 15 ● Life Aquatic Hide And Seek revolves around a widower (Robert DeNiro) and his Visit www.myvue.com/student for daughter (Dakota Fanning). They more details. move states and Emily (Fanning) soon creates an imaginary friend Vue Fulham Broadway are giving named Charlie. you the opportunity to win posters Imaginary friends can sometimes for these new releases. Just answer seem so real... For Emily, her games this question: with her imaginary friend have become anything but simple and Who is the odd one out and why? innocent. Instead, she finds herself a) John Polson in the middle of a series of increas- b) Martin Scorcese ingly nightmarish acts that even c) Oliver Stone her father David (Robert De Niro) As part of the build-up for the cannot stop. Who – or what – is release of Hide And Seek, 20th Email your answers and which mer- Charlie? Century Fox have generously chandise you would like to win to After a highly anticipated wait, provided you with the opportnity [email protected]. Usual Felix Hide And Seek arrives on British Stop Fann(y)ing around! to win a t-shirt and cap! competition rules apply. screens this week. So why is it so All you need to do to win is be highly anticipated? You only have to I would reveal to you the mystery ping a film to US cinemas without one of the first to tell me: Alan Ng look at our American counterparts behind Emily’s sinister unnatural the final reel for the first time in Film Editor to discover why. hobby if I knew... but the guys at the studio’s history, accompanied How much did Hide And Seek In the opening weekend, Hide And 20th Century Fox would turn me by some very angry looking butch make, in pounds, on its opening Seek toppled Meet The Fockers from into mush. men. weekend in America? the top of the US box office chart, Besides, I don’t know anyway. Not Therein lies the movie’s main sell- raking in $22miilion. Highly impres- least because of the fact that Fox ing point, which been the main drv- Email your answer to film. sive considering that it’s a horror have employed extreme measures ing force in admission in the opening [email protected]. Usual Felix rules movie with a limited audience – not to conceal the twist ending. Fox have weekend. ‘Be the first to discover apply. only due to appeal, but also rating gone to unprecendented lengths to the twist’ and ‘find out before some- Alan Ng restrictions. protect the top-secret twist, ship- body else does’. Alan Ng Felix 20 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

CoffeeCoffee BBreakreWitha Davidk Hasselhoff Hey there Hoffff ffans!ans! TThehe gguysuys aatt CCoffeeoffee BBreakreak hhadad a llittleittle eelectionlection ttoo find themselves a mascot, and I won! Awesome! You get to see me every week (maybe). It almost reminds me of when I was on TV. Send your answers to [email protected]

Eight Things We Hate About You Issue 1315 Answers Dear David A favourite pastime of Imperial people seems to be moaning about how shit the College is, while Not many points available that week, the Hoff doesn’t just hand simultaneously doing absolutely nothing about it. We’re proud to continue that tradition at Coffee Break. them out willy-nilly you know. Almost everyone who entered got There are eight moans here, and eight pictures too. You get a point for matching which picture goes to full marks, except for the Araldite Sniffers, who didn’t give us any which desciption, and two for telling us who it is we’re moaning about explanations. The Hoff is a harsh mistress indeed... Embarrassing brother Prince William writing about his ginger-pubed sibling, and his bad habits (drinking, Nazism, being ginger, etc) Drugs are bad, mmmkay? Kate Moss moaning that nobody approves of her relationship with junkie ex-Libertines frontman Pete Doherty. I wonder why? I’ve been a naughty boy Michael Jackson, who’s very wor- 1 2 3 4 ried about his upcoming court case. The less said about that, the A. They spend their Wednesday B. You have to feel sorry for these C. Far too many of them are more D. Apparently Imperial is a ‘world- better. afternoons chasing round/egg guys (and it’s mostly guys). They intrested in furthering their own class institution’. But it’s being let shaped balls around, then go to spend rougly 90% of their waking career rather than doing the job down by this lot who frankly, have it the union to get pissed (in shirts day stuck in front of monitors typing they have now better. It’d be nice way too easy. They spend half their and ties, the knobs) and sing about stuff that nobody understands or to see just one who can form a sen- course on holiday, picking up peb- FUCWIT LEAGUE their sexual prowess. But they’re at cares about. It’s pointless, just like tence that makes sense to a normal bles, making sandcastles and drink- 2004-5 Imperial, they don’t have any! their future careers. person. ing sangria. 1. Araldite Sniffers 189 points

2. Smith & Wesson 188 points

3. The Illegitimate Bionic Progeny of Jeremy Beadle 134 points

4. Management Slackers 127 points

5. Team Willy J 93 points

6. Team Robin 81 points

5 6 7 8 7. Schoolboy Error 80 points

E. There aren’t many of these at F. There are far too many of these at G. Ever had friends from another H. They hate the rest of us, and we 8. Caledonian Conspiracy 57 points Imperial, so it’s a little unfair to pick IC. Far, far too many. They’re every- uni come and visit? When they see hate them. Why are they here? They on them, even if they deserve it. If where, like rats with acne. It’s this this place, the look on their face is resent being part of the College, and 9. Forever Throwing Doubles 47 pts you do certain courses it’s probably which gives Imperial its geeky repu- usually priceless. It’s an embarras- we’re sick of them. Can’t they just possible to go days without seeing tation. Can we not have a limit or ment. We deserve so much better! join Royal Holloway or something? 10. Team Bulwer 42 points one. Well, an attractive one at least. something on how many we have? Of all the things people moan about, We don’t care if they’re ‘better peo- It’s enought to make you like UCL. Please? this is pretty much number one. ple’ or not. 11. Eastbound and Down 40 points

11. Kings of Kensington 40 points 1 Horoscopes 13. The Schist Ones 38 points

2 Aries Leo Sagittarius 14. Withnail and I Society 31 points With the Moon in your sign this week you’ll Saturn rises in your sign this week, signify- You think they like you but they don’t. Give incur the wrath of an angry and vengefull ing increased libido and odour. Looking up, move away and never come back. 15. Rod Watson’s Super Army 29 pts God. Single? You’ll find your match at a for love? You’ll find the partner for you in a Single? Love is all around you, it’s every- 3 secret underground cock-fight phone box on Gower Street where you go 15. Oliver Carson 29 points Taurus Virgo Capricorn 4 The letter E may be lucky. Or maybe F. Or Whatever you do, don’t cross any roads Nice going dickhead, how’d you manage 17. Tinkerbell 21 points any of the others. Doesn’t really matter. to get barred from daVinci’s? Single? Love 2 Single? It’s gonna stay that way Libra is ringing you every night, breathing heav- 18. KPN 11 points 5 Despite the opinion of your peers, you’re ily down the phone Gemini still 100% behind your evil leader’s plans. 19. Natasha Kundi 10 points Mars is in your love sign this week, mean- Single? Love is found dead and rotting in Aquarius 6 ing you’ll have an insatiable urge to get it a canal Single? Course you are! You’re an 20. Shatner’s Bassoon 9 points on. It’s not gonna happen Aquarius. Get over it Scorpio Answers to 7 Cancer Scorpios suck. Change your sign and get Pisces [email protected] So you’re a Cancer huh? That’s pretty back to us in a week Look, just cheer up and get over it, okay? ironic. Why? Oh, nothing, no reason... Bladder control is never mastered over- There are prizes for the top teams 8 Single? Love is found at the hospital night. You’ll improve. Luck dances with the at the end of the year! devil in the pale moonlight Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 21

SPORT [email protected] The 103rd Bottle Match

By John Sykes ken arm and our female play- Royal School of Mines er got a lot of abuse! President For those interested in sport and tradition and who are up Oxford v Cambridge, Yale v for an old-style fierce varsity Harvard, Imperial v Medics, game, the Bottle Match is for Celtic v Rangers, Liverpool v you! The games take place Everton... so you think you’ve this Saturday and tickets seen rivalry? Not until you’ve are on sale now in the RSM seen this, a rivalry that both office (mainly at lunchtimes). divides and unites people Contact our Sports Officer, from the grass it’s played on [email protected], for right up to some of the top more details. boardrooms in the world. The Bottle Match, a rugby ITINERARY match played between the Royal School of Mines (RSM) Squash and the Camborne School 7pm, Friday 25 February of Mines is one of the fierc- est and oldest fixtures in the Ladies’ hockey country, if not the world. 9am, Saturday 26 February The 2004-5 season marks the 103rd year of this event, Left: the RSM run to victory in the centenary Bottle Match in 2002. Right: lifting the trophy Men’s hockey with the first match occurring 10.30am, Saturday 26 in 1902, which is thought to was won by Camborne by 11 South Africa! Though both a lifetime remainder of win- shows that RSM rugby are February have resulted in an honour- points to 3, however the RSM colleges have undergone tur- ning the bottle and are much on an eight Bottle Match able draw. More games were won it back the following year. moil recently with the chang- appreciated by the players. unbeaten run. This year, cap- Football played between 1902 and 1920, In 1947, ‘the Bottle’ was deco- es to the faculty structure The Bottle Match is now a tain Eddy Poulding hopes to Midday, Saturday 26 February though records are not clear rated with the crests of both at Imperial and the move- positive festival of sport as, lead his legends-in-the-mak- about the results. Except colleges. ment of Camborne School of over the last century, football ing into history. The football Rugby for the war years, however, The Bottle Match is the Mines to Falmouth, one thing and hockey have being added team drew last year five all, 2pm, Saturday 26 February a match between Camborne high point of both Camborne’s remains: the spirit of these to the weekend’s fixtures. to retain their cup as current and the RSM has been played and the RSM’s year. Played two unique institutions, rep- Most recently, squash has holders, after being a hango- SUPPORTERS’ PRICES every year since 1921 (during alternatively in Cornwall and resented at this most special also been added on the Friday ver-induced five-one down at the war, RSM students were London, the matches are sup- of occasions. night. Apparently, the first half-time. Supporter’s match ticket: £10 evacuated to Camborne and ported by vast and dedicated Since the 1950s, players on squash match occured when Both the ladies’ and men’s (including travel to and from played for them!) crowds of current students the winning side have been a couple of players made the hockey teams lost last year, Harlington with a choice of The fixture acquired its and alumni. From those who presented with personal tank- mistake of turning up to the though they’ve been training start times, 8am, 10.30am and name in 1946 when some can’t be there, messages of ards from the South African bar one night with squash hard recently (in what seem 11.15am, and a free T-shirt). RSM students liberated a good luck come in to the play- based company Union rackets – and so a tradition like Arctic not West London two foot high tin bottle off a ers in the week preceeding Corporation/Gencor. This was born. In the near future conditions) and hope to set Supporter’s dinner ticket: £12 Bass-Charrington beer lorry. the match, by letter, fax and, tradition continues, with the we hope to add golf and a boat the record straight. Camborne (including all you can eat feast, It has been used as a run- in this modern age, text and tankards provided by Michael race (though only across the won last year’s squash tour- party and presentations at ning trophy ever since. The email, from places as far away West and the Mining Journal. Serpentine!) nament, though only because Lorenzo’s, South Kensington, first ‘Bottle Match’, in 1946, as Canada, Australia and Such presentations provide A recent results roundup one of our players had a bro- 6.30pm).

Felix Crossword 1317 by Snufkin

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Across Down 1. Justice, prudence, temperance 1. Urban type of Honda (5) and fortitude – qualities embod- 2. It’s sweet to vroom, but not at ied by Ximenes? (8,7) home (7) 9 10 9. A musical man for all seasons? 3. I’ll pray for queen? Maybe not! Hello again! I’m afraid this week (7) (3-6) I wish to register a complaint. It’s 10. Mexican port depicted in stamp I 4. Vital passage slightly altering incredible how few of Imperial’s collected (7) introductory treatise (10,5) 10,000 students seem able to solve 11 11. Criminal, fine one, ruined decent 5. Ovulate and interact, playing the Felix crossword. A basic prin- bloke – using this? (10,5) this? (7,8) ciple of charity suggests that there 12. Orally examine Bohemian (5) 6. Brief transfer (5) must be more successful solvers 13. Daffy isn’t cuter in shades (9) 7. Smashed figurine’s no good – can out there – more than three, that is 12 13 14 15. Vain error corrected in Florentine this person put it together? (7) – so if you’re a member of this silent course (5,4) 8. Shares first quarter with dealers brotherhood, please do send in your 4 7 17. Instruments for blowers, regu- (9) solutions. larly (5) 12. Spanish writer confused verse Right, now I’ve got that off my 3 0 19. Flexible semi-rationalist philoso- with cant (9) chest, a few words about this week’s 15 16 17 18 phy (15) 14. Portuguese place of trade in puzzle. It’s not thematic, though 22. Trident represented in Shivaite London shopping centre (9) some of the entries are related. 22 Upanishads long ago, basically? 16. Recoiling from headless vomit- across is rare, but easily verifiable (7) ing (7) online; in any case, I always try to 19 20 21 23. Policemen – they almost number 18. Check up – am I folding? (7) give obscure answers easy clues. 500 (3,4) 20. Rossum’s Universal Robots ini- Good luck! Snufkin 24. Scales perhaps hung above tially produced in the old Cornish astrologer’s shop? (4,2,3,6) city (5) Issue 1316 solution 22 23 21. Doctor for most of Florentine C R U S T A C E A N D A B B A family (5) R C S U A E R T L C S O R I N E R U P T M O A B E T T I N G A E A G T E N G A R U O T F L 24 M E L L O W E S T E B R A V E P A L A O I N I R D V O I A R S T Y L I R C R O S S I N G S K R E I S S R I S T H S L E R Last week’s winner is Robert Evans (MSc Advanced Computing) L E N G T H E N S O O F F A L Send your answers to [email protected] or bring this page down to the Felix office in A A E E A U S S I B E L I U S R A M B O N C O A L M I N E S the West Wing of Beit Quad. Each week, we’ll choose a winner and print their name, thus G T E A V S E E P S A B N C H providing them with almost unlimited kudos and self-satisfaction. Everyone who provides E A S T E R N L R T K N I F E us with a correct solution will get an entry into our prize draw at the end of the year S I I S R I D K O R E A S O E T O S S D C O R N E R S H O P Felix 22 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

SPORT [email protected] Rifle and Pistol Club Medics go under on their travels the knife FOOTBALL usual tactic of threatening SHOOTING afternoon of shooting, despite each player to motivate them. our narrow loss. Hopefully Imperial Medicals Knowing his violent past, the Southampton 385 this will become an annual Men’s 3rd 1 Fifths needed no more rea- Imperial 382 event and I am sure that we Imperial Men’s 5th 4 son to finish the game off. will meet them again next The IC dominance continued By Sam Dash year – hopefully to win. By Adam Masters in the second half with more football worthy of the ‘beauti- Once again we set off to a Bristol 3 In the quarter-final of the ful game’ being played. faraway place to challenge Imperial 1 ULU Football Men’s Reserve More chances were created another formidable enemy. Plate, Imperial Fifths took on and before long there was a This time it was Southampton By Geoffrey Quint ICSM Thirds for the chance breakthrough. Oz swung in a University Rifle Club, who to achieve cup glory and corner from the right that was won last years BUSA small- On 22 January, the Imperial prove their footballing pedi- majestically hammered home bore championships and clay pigeon shooting teams gree in what has always been by centre back Mike Nikolich shoot four times more often took part in their first ever a grudge match. from close range, making than we do. friendly against Bristol Despite transportation it two-one to IC. More pos- We set off in our usual University. Having set off problems, the Fifths finally session turned into another style, with plenty of time, and from South Kensington, the reached Teddington to goal soon afterwards. Once arrived before the opposi- journey was uneventful until encounter very windy con- again, Oz got the assist as he tion. We had with us a team we reached Membury serv- ditions and an ICSM Third clipped a through ball past of eight people, including a ices, perhaps partly due to a team with only ten men. It the medics’ defence to leave strong four man team. large proportion of the team was clear from the off that it Clement with a golden oppor- The Southampton team nursing hangovers. The serv- was going to be a game of two tunity, which he calmly took finally arrived, and we were ices proved revitalising and halves. Despite the numerical as he tucked the ball past the shown around their small but we continued the voyage after advantage, the experienced ‘keeper. pleasant range. We got shoot- a 20min heated ‘discussion’ Fifths were not complacent The Fifths were all over the ing straight away, with the over which route to follow the and set their stall out early. medics like a rash despite the details carefully worked out rest of the way. Control of the midfield was arrival of their eleventh man. so that two members of each We arrived at Bristol’s reg- vital and the IC players gave New signing, Nicaraguan team were shooting at the ular shooting ground just in 103% to achieve this. goalkeeper Lester, did not same time. Time went by with time to witness the start of Within ten minutes, an touch the ball in the second both good and bad scores a lovely Westcountry shower event rarely seen in football half, and that is not an exag- being registered. Eventually that would last the remain- occurred. The medics’ goal- geration. The final nail in the it was clear that we were loos- der of the day. The Bristol keeper hit a peach of a goal coffin came about 15 min- ing, but only by a small mar- team turned up half an hour kick that was urged on by utes from the end, as Adam gin, which we were pleased later and after a short con- the wind. The ball bounced Masters played a ball across about. The overall match frontation with the manager, on the edge of the IC penalty the medic penalty area to find score was taken as the top over the fact we brought our area and continued towards Danny Wilson in space. Wilson four from each team, giving a own cartridges, the fun com- goal, flying in just under the cut inside and drilled the ball maximum score of 400. menced. crossbar. into the bottom right corner We were even more pleased The stands, located within a After realising that this with the ferocity of a crazed when we realised that we small wooded area, were var- must have been divine inter- wild animal. The last ten min- had time left to have a bit of ied and proved challenging vention to give the medics a utes were quite scrappy but fun. We decided to have a fun for all. At the end of the 50 bird head start, the Fifths began nothing could detract from a shoot... a very rapid fun shoot. sporting, each of the Bristol to show why they have such a well earned four-one victory We shot ten rounds in 60 sec- teams were ahead, apart from good record in ULU Division for IC Fifths. onds. This is a pretty hard the ladies’ team. To finish the 2. Daniel Knott demonstrated A special mention must task, which explains why the day, the men’s teams shot a his class as a box to box go to the back four, includ- top score was only 66 out of flush – 80 clays launched from player, being first to the ball ing the Fifths’ most consist- 100, not 98 as it had been in an elevated position in front all over the shop. Urged on ent player, Sami ‘the beast’ the previous shoot! of you and shot as a team by captain and winger Osman Taipalus, who is the subject We then retired to a pub of four guns. Whilst Imperial Ozturk, the Fifths started to of nightmares for any striker to enjoy a buffet of tasty proved stronger in this dis- demonstrate their calibre by who has played against him. cheap food and beer. The cipline than Bristol, it would stringing together a number The organisation and techni- Southampton team were not be enough to change the of intricate passes. The sexy cal ability of the defence has even kind enough to get us leader board and Bristol won football continued until a been a strong foundation for a couple of bottles of wine for the day 3-1. period of pressure resulted in this IC outfit to build on. coming second! Most of the Despite the result, the day IC’s French prodigy Clement Once again, Imperial pride team returned to London that was thoroughly enjoyable and Audoin clipping a cross in was defended, but a rematch evening, but a few stayed to a great practice for when we from the left. The ball landed looms as these two sides will experience the student night- shoot against Bristol again at the grateful feet of top face each other in the league life in Southampton. at the BUSA Championships Top and bottom: Konrad Skorko takes aim. Centre: scorer Cemal Akcaba who very soon. A good perform- All in all, it was a great next week. Imperial shooters in Southampton stroked it into the bottom left ance here saw the mighty corner for the equaliser. Fifths march on to the semi- At half time, Oz used his finals. Results

LSE Men’s 6th 3 HOCKEY WEDNESDAY SATURDAY Imperial Men’s 6th 1 GKT Women’s 2nd 0 16 FEBRUARY 19 FEBRUARY Imperial Men’s 7th 1 Imperial Women’s 2nd 1 SOAS Men’s 2nd 0 FOOTBALL FOOTBALL Imperial Women’s 1st 4 RSM Men’s 1st 5 RVC Women’s 1st 0 Royal Free Men’s 3rd 2 LSE Men’s 2nd 1 Imperial Medicals Men’s 3rd 3 Imperial Men’s 4th 1 Imperial Men’s 2nd 0 Holloway Men’s 2nd 0 King’s Men’s 5th 3 Imperial Medicals Men’s 2nd 1 VARSITY DAY RESULTS: Imperial Men’s 3rd 3 Imperial Medicals Men’s 4th 3 SEE PAGE 24 St George’s Men’s 2nd 0 Imperial Medicals Men’s 3rd 6 St Bart’s Men’s 3rd 3 Imperial Men’s 5th 5 SUNDAY King’s Men’s 3rd 1 20 FEBRUARY Red army? Imperial’s fifth football team Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 23

SPORT [email protected] Frisbees in the wind

ULTIMATE FRISBEE DD1 3 DD1 took control and never Imperial’s second team beat- Lisa and Stas as they made usual, the typical obscure Curve 2 let their dominance with the ing LSE’s first team! The up ground, giving him options British weather kicked in and London Winter League 4 disc slip. weather conditions meant in the end zone. An easy throw at during one point it even After 20 minutes of action, that both teams played a lot and a calm catch completed started snowing! But a little By Alex Dunnett and this game was heading for a DD1 2 of zone defence, however the well deserved move. bit of snow didn’t stop DD2 Su Chian Phang rare frisbee scoreline of nil- Sixth Form Falmer 6 the experience gained from from trying to score upwind. nil. Eventually, though, Disc recent DD practices helped DD2 5 A contested foul on the other London Winter League Doctors won the first point Yes, we did get beaten by a DD2 to win the downwind KCL (Thrown) 4 hand did and that meant that (LWL) brings together an whilst trying to throw into bunch of sixth formers, how- points quickly and put on the one of DD2’s scores had to be eclectic mix of Ultimate a force 5 gale! Coming back ever it was our fourth con- pressure on LSE’s offence. If the match against replayed. The tight scoreline teams from the south east on downwind was a piece of cake secutive hour of ultimate and Everyone put in a stellar per- Equilibrium was big, DD2’s was an accurate portrayal even the most cold, wet and as DD soon doubled their they were helped along by formance and LSE were left a match against Thrown was of the numerous chances windy of Sunday mornings. advantage. A cracking defen- five of London’s finest play- bit sore by the loss. bigger! King’s ultimate team both teams had. If the match LWL never fails to provide sive block from Naiff merely ers. We failed to score into the practise with DD on a weekly had been played earlier or if great spirited contests and, enforced the Doctors’ author- wind, but still played our best 6ffu 12 basis and are good friends, DD2 had been allowed a despite the howling gales, ity further, combined with the disc of the day in the open- DD2 1 which made the match even break, the scoreline might last Sunday was no exception ever growing consistency of ing passes of the game with more important. With Thrown have favoured Imperial’s sec- as Disc Doctors (DD) pitched Kris Wong with the disc in Manny in exceptional defen- The second match against attacking into the harsh wind, ond team. Well, we like to up on Wandsworth common hand. sive fettle. 6ffu, a team of sixth form- DD2’s zone worked effec- think so anyway! to prove their worth. ers, was obviously DD2’s tively and efficiently, allow- DD1 3 The wind was never going hardest game of the day. ing the Doctors to intercept All in all, it was an excellent DD1 13 Chain Pier Pressure 1 to allow ultimate quality to Their opponents had several and score the first point. It day for DD2, as we showed Ltd Release ‘Ladies’ 0 shine through, but a three- national level handlers and was a great match and the real grit and determination. It Our third consecutive match one record for the day showed more than eager high school game spirit was marvellous was the icing on the cake that Opening the day’s play with a was a spirited affair against DD’s strength. Only five runners to give DD2 a runa- as jokes and encouragement we finished in the top half huge upwind pull (the equiv- a motley crew of Brighton’s weeks remain until the South round. However, both teams were passed between the of our group. It will be a sad alent of kick-off), the Disc finest. Another gale had mus- East University Regionals agreed that the point of the teams. time at the end of the year Doctors first team asserted tered by this point, culminat- – watch this space! match was a quick, smooth when many members of the pressure from the start. Their ing in “the comedy moment of and downright sexy play from Curve 3 club will be leaving, (hope- zonal defence proved impen- the day” as Stylish launched a DD2 6 DD2! A long huck was thrown DD2 2 fully) moving on to better etrable and, combined with simple five yard scoring pass LSE (Equilibrium) 5 over the stack by Finny and things. But never fear, there some patient play into the which caught the wind and was perfect for a sneaky cut This was DD2’s third hour- are definitely more than a wind, DD soon cleaned up ended 30 yards downfield! DD2’s first match of the day from G. He was well sup- long match in a row and legs few quality players waiting to the mismatched contest. Despite this minor setback, ended with the right result: ported by hard running from were beginning to tire. As take over! Two matches, 16 goals!

HOCKEY swift and solid goal. Luckily it us up to an even six by scor- was enough to shake us into ing her second of the day. action and that was the last The forwards were excel- By Jenny Ashworth that goalie Suzie saw of the lent at standing on the goal- ball, thanks to our unyield- posts even though Nush Imperial Women’s 2nd 6 ing defenders Suzie M, Fiona, wasn’t there to remind us all Goldsmith’s Amanda, Chloe and Maria not every 30 seconds! Women’s 2nd 1 letting a single ball past! Huge thanks from all the The equalising goal came team go to Martin, Jon and The ladies seconds are soon after though, with Suzie Sam for braving the cold and immense this season, hav- O knocking the ball past their resisting the temptation of ing only lost one match (our goalie and into the corner of Harlington’s bar to umpire first, and that’s before we the net. This was swiftly fol- for us. You did a great job found our lovely goalie Suzie, lowed by Lauren’s ‘goalpost’ guys! the first proper goalie we’ve sweep to take us into the lead, So the Seconds’ current ever had). For the first time then Clare’s stunning strike unbeaten string continues. ever, we actually have not from the penalty spot area. We left the pitch on a high, just enough players to field a Goldsmiths then got scared, ready for the joys of a bowling team, but also reserves! and pulled all of their play- social with the boys’ Seconds, Victories have come over ers back into the D, making a fabulous end to the day! many prestigious teams who it tricky for our attackers to Special mention must go to have previously thrashed us: get in. Anna kept up her val- Jen, who suddenly learnt how UCL Thirds, Sussex Seconds iant efforts, running straight to actually hold a bowling ball and GKT Thirds, to name but through the Goldsmith’s properly and proceeded to a few! We are also through to defence to try to advance on beat some blokes (who won’t The Imperial women’s second hockey team the semi-finals of this years goal, supported by Suzie O in be named and shamed here!), ULU Cup, having previ- left midfield always running Claire’s fabulous strike, and lets of their local pub, and into the goal, we failed to find ished it into the net. ously always gone out in the clear of her marker into free Maria for getting quite drunk despite being locked in by back of the net until 20 min- Anna, not content with first round, by winning our space for the passes. quite fast and throwing a ball the landlord (it wasn’t open- utes had passed, when Eline scoring her first goal of the quarter-final nine-nil (six of Half time came too quickly, backwards! Roll on Sunday’s ing time yet, we got let in scored. This was the inspi- season, had to go better than which were scored by Eline, with us still only being two match! specially) we still managed ration we needed and was that and scored a hat-trick who was sorely missed in goals in the lead – not a large to find our way to the pitch, swiftly followed by a second to match Eline’s, with one the Goldsmiths match – how enough margin for our liking! St Bart’s Women’s 2nd 0 where the umpires were try- from Lauren, then another spectacular goal from a top many blokes are worth miss- Thanks to our inspirational Imperial Women’s 2nd 10 ing to persuade some local from Eline herself. D strike. Fiona also scored ing hockey for, hey?) talk from captain Claire kids that they really didn’t Our half time talk from her first of the season – not Anyway, enough show- (unfortunately not playing Sunday was a cold cold day, want to be playing football on Captain Claire was swift, but bad for a defender! Ten goals ing off, down to the match due to injury – get better soon but still 11 valiant ladies the St Bart’s Astroturf. to the point, in summary: in total (count them up if in question. We turned up at Claire, we miss you on the (plus Captain Claire to organ- Eventually the game got “You lot are way better than you don’t believe us!). ‘Most Harlington slightly apprehen- pitch) we started the second ise us all) met up at South underway, but due to the bit- the opposition, score more injured of the match’ went to sive, as we knew Goldsmiths half with renewed energy. Kensington tube station ter cold and howling wind, goals!” Suzie O, who came off worst were top of our BUSA league More goal pie was to swiftly ready to make the long trek we got off to a slow start with Taking her advice to heart, in a battle with the ball and and had drawn with the one to follow. Jen started with into East London in the most the ball coming straight to we did! Eline completed her her lip, but being dedicated team that had beaten us. another goalpost sweep, roundabout way possible, our end and the opposition hat trick in style, taking a to her game (and thankful for However, we had faith in our pushed straight through the thanks to the District Line granted a short corner. But forward pass from Amanda her gumshield) she carried solid defending and speedy goalie. Marianne, having being out of action again! thanks to goalie Suzie’s fabu- to the centre of the D and on playing regardless! attacking to win through once crossed the ball for that goal, In true Imperial style we lous save, followed by Suzie knocking it past their keeper, Over yummy food provided again. was then determined to grab arrive late, only to be told M’s spectacular clearance, Clare A pushed two in from by St Bart’s (in the same Unfortunately our faith her share of the limelight, there were no changing the ball went hurtling back to sharp angles, and Radha pub where we got changed), was shaken when, seconds executing a hit from the edge rooms. Rather than strip off where we wanted it. picked up a strong hit out Fiona was named man of the after the whistle had blown, of the D which hit the mark! at the side of the pitch, we Despite valiant efforts by from the opposition, pushing match and we all went home Goldsmiths tucked away a Clare A then went on to take opted to change in the toi- Jen to keep knocking the ball it back to Lauren who fin- happy. Felix 24 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

SPORT: VARSITY DAY 2005 [email protected] Varsity expansion a great success

By Morten Olesen ventured out to support their then, following a swift pint, and JPR Williams himself, well as generous alcohol con- this event a great success. teams. The afternoon pro- the cavalcade made its way who awarded Jon Underwood sumption, they were unable We all believe that this The third annual Imperial vided some excellent compet- to Richmond for the big first with the Man of the Match to disturb the overall run- can continue to grow as a Varsity day took place last itive sport of a high standard. team rugby game. award. Medicals captain ning of the day and pretty sporting spectacle in future Wednesday, 16 February. All the scores are below, and The JPR Williams Cup, Peter Russell was delighted much every other supporter years, as well as improv- As most people will know, reports appear on the next the main event of the day, to receive the winners’ tro- enjoyed a fantastic time. Many ing the sometimes scrappy this year’s format was few pages. attracted over 1000 students, phy. enjoyed the rest of their night relations between Imperial extended to include three Trophies were presented by staff members and guests. The afternoon and evening at the after-party at Imperial students and the Imperial hockey matches, two foot- Nick Gore (Sport and Leisure The atmosphere was electric were interrupted a couple of College Union, although Medicals. ball matches and four rugby Sports Development Officer as the two teams fought out times by some unfortunate some medical students opted We look forward to see- matches. and main event organiser), a highly competitive match incidents between Imperial to go to the Reynolds Bar at ing all of you next year at Despite sub-zero wind chill Max Marsden (ICSM Sports (see back page). and Medical supporters. Charing Cross. Harlington, Richmond and at the Harlington sports Officer) and Morten Olesen Presentations were made Clearly fuelled by the intense Many thanks to all those at the Reynolds Bar for the ground, hundreds of students (ACC Vice Chairman) and by Professor Rees Rawlings atmosphere of the day as involved, who helped make after-party.

8 Rugby: Men’s 1st 20

0 Rugby: Men’s 2nd 17

5 Rugby: Men’s 3rd 10

0 Rugby: Women’s Sevens 20 7 Football: Men’s 1st 1

3 Football: Men’s 2nd 1

3 Hockey: Men’s 1st 4

0 Hockey: Men’s 2nd 1

Imperial College 2 Hockey: Women’s 1st 1 Imperial Medicals

Thirds rugby goes right to the wire

VARSITY DAY 2005 the Medicals’ injuries started RUGBY to take their toll. The Imperial pack exploited holes in the Imperial Men’s 3rd 5 tired defence and ran in a Imperial Medicals well worked try which gave Men’s 3rd 10 them a deserved lead going after extra time into the break. Five-nil down at half-time By Pete Brown and the medics were forced to David Muthuveloe make a number of key changes to replace the battle- Following their humiliating scarred players. Tactics were 27–0 defeat at Teddington also changed, to spin the ball a fortnight previously, wider and make use of the Imperial’s Third XV hosted swift wingers. the Medicals Third XV again, The ball was kicked off into this time as part of the the midfield, where it stayed expanded Varsity day. This for half an hour with lim- game would prove to be a ited opportunities from both much closer affair. sides to break the stalemate. After a delayed kick-off The pack excelled at the set- caused by an administrative pieces though and Craig and blunder, the match started Gary worked hard in the sec- slowly with some unexpected ond row to help win some Imperial pressure. It soon great line-out ball and control became clear that the game the scrums. was going to be played at As the final ten minutes ground level with both teams approached, both teams were turning down the opportu- showing signs of fatigue and nity to convert penalties into the medics took the opportu- points. nity to make some more sub- The Medicals defended stitutions and bring on fresh well, led by Wino putting in legs. This resulted in some some thundering tackles in strong pressure, set up by the pack, and soon had the James at scrum half, who took chance to take the offensive the initiative to command the with some strong running in midfield. Following a number the centre. Unfortunately it of phases drawing more and Imperial Medicals apply pressure close to the Imperial College try line on their way to a narrow victory soon became clear that the more of the Imperial back- Medicals would not be able line into the pack, the ball bonus! fumbled balls and last ditch tory was there for the tak- effort was rendered redun- to play their natural rucking was popped blind to Jig who The conversion was missed Imperial defence meant the ing. The game was wrapped dant by the blow of the final game, as the Imperial pack made a strong, elusive run and the scores were tied at ever-growing crowd were in up as Harry (a late substitu- whistle within a minute of the used their weight and sup- over the line to celebrate his five each at full time. for a finale similar in stature tion), now limping on a re- restart. port in defence to turn pos- first game back after a year The captains decided on a to the closing stages of the fractured fibula, fed Ash at Imperial gave it their all to session over on numerous and a half with the equalis- nail-biting extra time period World Cup final! electric pace who shunned the last, but at the end of the occasions, resulting in the ing try. An anteriorly dislo- of ten minutes each way. The second half of extra the three-man overlap to skin day the resilient, well-drilled medics squandering some cated shoulder (the other one The first half was dominated time continued in a similar his opposite man and score monster that is the Medicals strong scoring opportunities. this time, though) and a sub- by medic possession but a fashion to the first, and the under the posts off a 15 metre Third XV deserved their vic- As half time approached, luxed AC joint were an added combination of exhaustion, Medicals sensed that vic- run. Piers’ fluffed drop goal tory. For more information, contact the Union’s Welfare Campaigns Officer, [email protected] Felix 26 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

SPORT: VARSITY DAY 2005 [email protected] Comfortable win for Imperial football Firsts

VARSITY DAY 2005 friends three times, winning for tapir-look-alike Oli to tap pinged a superb through ball star – forced the ball through breathtaking treble of goals. FOOTBALL comfortably on each occa- in from six yards. to guess who... yes, who else to Timur. He rounded the He might look like a goat, but sion, with an aggregate score Minutes later, Tweedman but Mathan. Running onto the ‘keeper but could only strike boy this lad can play! Sponsored by of 14–2, the last match being a whipped in a corner from the ball, he barely broke stride in the post from an acute angle. At seven-nil, the game was 7–1 mauling – close?! But hey, right, but Pat Farr had clearly lofting a precocious first time The ball rebounded to Mathan, all but done. Certainly Carlos we didn’t mind, if the medics decided that scoring was just lob from 25 yards over the who thought, “instead of com- did not deserve to concede, thought they’d win, then all too easy. Instead, he directed advancing medic ‘keeper. pleting my ‘trick, why not bag but with an eye for symmetry, Imperial Men’s 1st 7 the more fun it would be. a powerful downward header Finally, just in case Imperial another assist”, and laid off Imperial saw it fitting to give Imperial Medicals However, whilst an easy vic- to the now stationary Oli, who thought the first half couldn’t to Berks, who drove the ball away a last minute penalty, Men’s 1st 1 tory was expected in the days raised a hoof to deflect the get any better, Javier ‘the home in jubilation. which provided the smallest leading up to the game, ten- ball into the goal. bull’ smashed home a 30 yard Such unselfishness could of consolations to the medics. By Michael Berks sions were high and rumours With the pre-match nerves free-kick to leave the score at not go unrewarded, and the So, seven-one again, maybe were rife of medic ringers. now well and truly dispersed, a resounding five-nil at the Imperial crowd did not have lightening does strike twice? First, let’s set the scene. Did someone spot Ashley Imperial’s football started break. to wait long for the final coup Well, one thing is certain: Sometime last June, a room Cole in a St Mary’s hospi- to flow. Timur combined With the game already over de grace. After some intricate congratulations go to every is filled with the leading lumi- tal waiting room? As it was, with Berks, before intel- as a contest, it was natural possession football, stand-in Imperial player, not one of naries of Imperial sports. the only ‘ringers’ were Steve ligently switching the play that the second half would be right back Les Dennis played whom didn’t play his oppo- Taking place are the initial Morgan and Elliot, both bona to Imperial’s right, and into a something of an anticlimax. the ball into Mathan’s feet. nent off the park. discussions of bringing foot- fide medics, and, inciden- Mathan’s territory. This time, However, there were still two With his back to goal and three Finally, there is one serious ball into the festival of sport tally, both present during last the mercurial winger pulled important matters to resolve. defenders in attendance, the point that needs clearing up. that is the annual Varsity con- year’s 7–1 thrashing. out an outrageous nutmeg Firstly, Mathan’s hatrick, danger to the medics looked There has been a lot of talk test between Imperial and And so to the game itself: to get to the by-line, before and secondly Berksy’s as yet minimal, but having turned of ‘hating’ medics. On behalf our medic counterparts. At at this point, if the reader firing a cross-cum-shot that unopened account for the his first man and nutmegged of Imperial firsts, I would some point, the ICSM repre- is a medic, they are advised the hapless ‘keeper could season. the second, Matty pulled the like to go on record as say- sentative turned to the com- to give up now, as it all goes only spill into the net. Three- Some tenacious play from ultimate playground trick ing: we don’t hate medics. In mittee and said: “The football downhill from here... nil, and the boys in blue had JR – actually it might have out of his locker. Yes, the fact, we quite like them. After will be excellent, it’s always a After a hectic opening ten barely broken into a sweat! been Woodcock but I’ve Sri Lankan wizard knocked all, they’re just footballers. close game between us and minutes, giant Finnish centre More was to come, and goal already mentioned him twice the ball one side and ran And besides, we play them, their firsts.” back Kimo fired a 60 yard ball four was the best yet. This and JR deserves a mention around the other side of the we beat them, we get three Ein minuten bitte! Last into the path of the flying Sri time, Chris ‘my left foot could for being awesome through- last defender, before slotting points. If only we could play season we played our medic Lankan Mathan, who squared perform surgery’ Woodcock out and looking like a rock into the corner to complete a them every week! Seconds seal football double

VARSITY DAY 2005 exert their superiority with FOOTBALL Caruso uncharacteristically heading over when unmarked Imperial Men’s 2nd 3 from six yards and Dom Imperial Medicals Booth forcing a good save Men’s 2nd 1 from the opposition ‘keeper. When the resulting corner By Ian Robinson was not properly cleared, John Slavin took control of Much fuss has been made in the ball for IC before laying recent times of the supposed off for Andy Kosinski to volley rivalry between Imperial home exquisitely from a wide College Football Club and angle. their medic counterparts. With a one goal lead, IC With a recent record, how- began to feel a little too com- ever, of 15 victories and one fortable and immediately draw in IC’s last 16 matches took their foot off the gas to against the medics, the allow the medics back into rivalry was beginning to look the game. A well worked long as one-sided as Arsenal’s throw routine caused chaos local rivalry with Leyton in the IC box after it was Orient. This was evident the not properly cleared, and two previous Saturday when IC’s men appeared unmarked at reserve team looked to have the back post to fight over ended any hopes of the med- who would slot it home. ics being represented in ULU The next 15 minutes con- Premier League One with a tained little drama as both 4-0 demolition of their Firsts. teams sensed they could win With this result in mind, the game and fought over IC’s captain Pricey was a lit- every ball in the centre of tle worried that his players the park. IC finally edged were going soft and would ahead with only a few first take pity on the medics’ half minutes remaining, when inability to play football. In Jan Marchant took control order to combat the problem, of a Caruso pass inside his he dropped many of his star own half and went forward names and brought in some unchallenged before rifling of IC’s third team players to into the bottom corner from freshen up the side. around 30 yards out. The After a rousing team talk score remained two-one until reminding the players of the half time. importance of winning the The second half began inaugural football Varsity with a renewed effort from match, the new look IC the medics to get something Seconds took to the pitch with from the game, but the tight Imperial Medicals apply pressure close to the Imperial College try line on their way to a narrow victory their minds focused on the job IC defence kept them at bay at hand. It was expected that with solid work in particular on the game thanks to some to calmly slot the ball home hit the target when it seemed IC, all that was left of the the medics would be fight- from Will MacAdie and Tom solid work in centre midfield from 15 yards out. At this harder to miss. afternoon at Harlington was ing equally hard to get their Trump. A goal-line clearance from Andy Easter and some point, the medics realised The final result was prob- for Caruso to pick up the foot- hands on the trophy for the from Caruso was the nearest teasing runs from substitute their dream was over and IC ably a fair one and the med- ball Varsity trophy on behalf first time, and this proved to the medics came to scoring. Dal. A breakthrough finally took firm control. A cameo ics should be commended of the club and head off to be the case during the open- As the half drew on, the came for IC when some neat appearance from John Scott for their brave and spirited Richmond for several beers, ing exchanges. It wasn’t long, medics began to tire and IC play between Dal and Matt should have yielded further display. With the first team some singing and, er, oh yes, however, before IC began to started to assert themselves Gready released John Slavin goals but twice he failed to result already in the bag for some rugby. Felix Thursday 24 February 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 27

SPORT: VARSITY DAY 2005 [email protected] Imperial women Virgins split for triumph despite Varsity sevens contest

VARSITY DAY 2005 From the beginning, there towards the IC line ensued, bizarre umpiring RUGBY SEVENS was early pressure from resulting in a virgin try under Felix’s medic side. Good the posts for medics debu- Imperial Women’s 1st 0 phase play led to an early tante Jennie. VARSITY DAY 2005 came shortly after half time domination, another goal Imperial Medicals score by Cocky from the wing. The medics continued to HOCKEY from the medics, who caught would come, and indeed it Women’s 1st 20 She then missed the conver- push IC for the remainder of Imperial on the break to bring did. Within seconds of the sion, but the medics were up the match, making good use Imperial Women’s 1st 2 it back level. restart of play, Imperial By Easy five-nil. of a forced overlap to send Imperial Medicals Enraged Imperial players worked some magic and beat After the restart, IC captain Scotch over for a final try Women’s 1st 1 then pushed up the pace, the Medics ‘keeper at last, This was a first for the Gump and her team applied near the end. Despite the creating a plethora of great proving that they were wor- Virgins. As there is no ICSM good pressure until a turno- attempts of the IC team to By Hannah Marshall goal-scoring opportunites, thy of a victory. women’s rugby team, the ver forced Killer to race back snatch a try in the dying sec- again denied by an impres- More pressure ensued and medics and non-medics usu- to make an excellent cover onds with a canny chip for- Ladies’ hockey has histori- sive medic goalkeeper who the chances kept on coming. ally play on a team together tackle and deny Udders a wards, the match was over cally seen some bitter bat- kept them in the match. The medics were confined to (as the Virgins), but for the score. Unfortunately for the all too soon with the medics tles fought between these two Eventually the breakthrough their defensive half for the sake of Varsity tradition we IC girls, Spandex is rarely victorious 20-0. Imperial teams. Inkeeping came, and Imperial crept one majority of the match, until an split ranks to play seven-a- kept out at such short range, In the end, Cocky was voted with recent form, history in. It wasn’t until they were unfortunate incident saw two side rugby. and she got the second score medics player of the match, repeated itself with Imperial celebrating the goal and get- of their players run into each Due to a few injuries, and a for the medics, which sent and Gump and Killer shared emerging outright winners. ting ready for the restart that other. One suffered an injury few less regular players, the them to half time leading ten- the honours for the defeated The first half saw Imperial the umpire reversed his deci- to her neck and was taken medics recruited some help nil. IC team. Fineage ensued with dominating play, stringing sion, pressured by the med- away in an ambulance (we’re from Cocky and Sala, who At the beginning of the sec- virgin pints also consumed by together some smooth moves ics defence, who disputed glad to report that she’s OK have played for the Virgins ond half, Udders was called Cherrypicker for last week’s and passing effectively around whether the ball had crossed now) and the match was then before, and Jennie who to the medics’ three-man defeat at LSE and Jennie for the determined medic side. the line or not. So it was still conceded by the medics with played her virgin match. scrum as Captain Kitty was her virgin match and virgin Imperial remained frustrated one-one! ten minutes remaining on the Captain Felix’s mum was also off thanks to the rolling sub- try. by a solid medics defence, As a consolation, the clock. present to watch her daugh- stitute system. This call was Here’s hoping this new however, and only managed umpire gave a penalty stroke Overall this was an emphatic ter play rugby for the first obviously a good one for the event can be continued at to capitalise on one of their to Imperial, which was saved victory for Imperial, with a time. medics as more pressure next year’s Varsity! many onslaughts on goal, by the ‘keeper. Imperial misleadingly close score. making it 1-0 at half time. remained unfazed and con- We look forward to the next An out of the blue reply vinced that, with all their clash! Medicals claim slender but deserved hockey win Fancy doing some VARSITY DAY 2005 megaphone. Yes, we did have ling. HOCKEY a girl playing for us… well Andreas and Tight Lips kept spotted, and don’t give up the the bench warm, essential on Imperial Men’s 2nd 0 degree, love! such a cold day, and rolled volunteering? Imperial Medicals And so to the game... as on and off for various play- Men’s 2nd 1 usual the umpires should ers as the legs tired. In goal, have gone to Specsavers, Alex, fresh from being called Why not get active in the community whilst you’re at Imperial By Pikey but apart from that it was a to the centre circle before closely fought encounter with pushback at Canterbury to College London? It doesn’t matter if you work or study in Imperial had prepared so some nice play from both check that he wasn’t a girl well... what could possibly go teams and plenty of healthy with his golden flowing locks Imperial – volunteering will have always something to offer wrong? Relegation from our banter from the sidelines. the Sunday before, was as BUSA league the previous From what I can remember it solid as ever. you! We have over 250 volunteering opportunities in our Sunday against Kent after involved a lot of Imperial pos- Both teams had some really some dubious umpiring in session and some awesome good chances, but the respec- database, so there should be a project for you. deepest darkest Canterbury defence particularly from tive defences kept the opposi- had left us highly motivated Tyson, who, despite the abuse tion at bay. However, despite to restore at least some raining in from the sidelines, Muff Daddy’s sliding tackles, pride to our season by beat- stood up and took it like a Dribbles’ awesome charging The easiest way to get regular updates about volunteering is ing Imperial Medicals Second woman despatching attack down of short corners and XI. after attack to the safety of Tyson’s general ‘nobody gets by signing up to our mailing list. You will receive all the latest Indeed, the Wednesday the sideline. through me’ attitude, eventu- before the Varsity game Italian Job, Mr Potato Head, ally the medics carved open opportunities on a weekly basis, directly to your email inbox. had been excellent prepara- Dribbles and the Imperial an opportunity following tion, having salvaged a last legend that is Muff Daddy a short corner and scored, Simply send us an email to [email protected], gasp three all draw against meant the defence looked sending their supporters into Reading Seconds with a typi- impenetrable. Mothercare wild jubilation. clearly stating that you want to receive the weekly news cal ‘cometh the hour, cometh and Brandon Lee attempted Imperial fought back hard the man’ goal from Pikey from to boss the midfield with their and dominated the second bulletin and we will do the rest! about 30cm out. own special style of whinging, half and thought we might And so it was that on 16 much like the rest of the sea- get back into it. We nearly February the Seconds son. Still, consistency some- did. Brandon Lee’s drag met at noon for the quick times pays! flick was heading goalwards Imperial Volunteer Centre dash to Harlington aboard The wide men, FCUK, our with the ‘keeper beaten all Mothercare’s yellow fun-bus secret foreign import which ends up only for it to smash email phone check out for our 1.30pm pushback. We nearly blew the club’s already into Pikey’s arse as he ran volunteering 020 www. Imperial Volunteer Centre completed our now legendary overstretched budget, and towards goal. @ 7594 imperial.ac.uk/ dynamic stretching warm- James Howard, attempted And so it wasn’t to be. Fair imperial.ac.uk 8141 volunteering South Kensington campus up, including sumo stretch- to probe and unsettle their play to the medics and they Union Building ing, much to the assembling defence. Up front, Pikey probably deserved to win, if Beit Quadrangle East Basement Linking opportunities crowd’s amusement including looked isolated at times but only because they took their Prince Consort Road still succeeded in injuring at chance when it came. Well one exceptionally loud medic IN PARTNERSHIP WITH IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION girl who seemed to think she least one of their players with done to all those who took London SW7 2BB was a comic genius on the his usual unorthodox tack- part. Felix 28 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 February 2005

Sport [email protected] Medicals make it three in a row with Varsity victory

An Imperial Medicals forward leaps to claim the ball at a line-out during last Wednesday’s JPR Williams Cup match, as a packed crowd of supporters watch on

VARSITY DAY 2005 tory in three years. advantage inside the first was forced into touch. After The first 30 minutes of the down. RUGBY The match, an annual fixture five minutes, a lead that 25 minutes, with the Medicals second half were tight and Imperial fly half Jon between Imperial Medicals they would hold throughout forwards again applying tense, with the two packs Spencer brought his side a Imperial Men’s 1st 8 and Imperial College Rugby the match, as their forwards pressure inside the Imperial evenly matched and the glimmer of hope as he kicked Imperial Medicals Football Club, was the show- brought the ball within five half, a penalty allowed Morris score locked at eight-five in a late penalty, but deep into Men’s 1st 20 case game on last week’s yards of the Imperial line and to extend the lead to eight- the Medicals’ favour. With stoppage time Tim Sinnett expanded Varsity Day [see captain Peter Russell crashed nil. ten minutes to go, it seemed had the final say as he darted By Dave Edwards pages 24-27 for further cov- over to open the scoring. Fly Imperial closed the gap as though the next score under the posts to put the erage]. It was attended by half James Morris missed a just before half time, as the would decide the game. The result beyond doubt. Morris In a closely fought match Williams himself, a former difficult conversion from wide backs took play well inside Medical forwards made the converted to leave the dominated by the forwards, Wales international, and an on the right. the Medicals half. The for- crucial move, applying more Medicals 12 points ahead at Imperial Medicals Rugby enthusiastic, partisan crowd Imperial almost hit back wards took over and captain of their relentless pressure the final whistle – a slightly Football Club claimed their of around 1000. soon afterwards, as Raphael Mike Hicks touched down as and driving a maul over the flattering scoreline, but the third JPR Williams Cup vic- The Medicals took the Diguisto broke through but they drove beyond the line. line for Ben Allin to touch victory was well deserved.

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