Alexa, Episode 79

GOOD GIRLS TALK ABOUT SEX Transcript – Alexa, Episode 79 LEAH: Before we get started today, I want to give a quick explainer of what’s happened with this week’s episode and why it’s going to sound a little different than I expected even 72 hours ago. A different version of this episode was loaded into the feed as usual on Thursday morning. However, it quickly became clear that I’d made an error in the production of the episode. So, in fairness to our guest, Alexa, I pulled the episode so we could fix it. As you’ll hear in the full intro in a moment, our guest, Alexa, is Deaf and we did the interview through an ASL interpreter. It was my first time doing an interview with an interpreter, and it didn’t occur to me to send the transcript to Alexa in advance of the release to confirm that the translation accurately reflected what she said. As soon as she saw it, Alexa emailed to let me know there were some issues. We’ve taken the last three days to go through the issues and discovered that while long portions of conversation are fine, there are some significant mistranslations that cannot and should not stand. There is too much misunderstanding and misrepresentation of women’s thoughts and feelings in this world already; I do not wish to be part of continuing that harm. I considered hiring an actor to revoice the interpreter’s entire half of the conversation so it would sound seamless for you. But no matter how good an actor is, they’ll never be able to capture the freshness of having the conversation in the moment. So instead, I’ve decided to leave Courtney’s translation intact for most of the interview. But I am going to break in several times to read you the corrected version that Alexa has provided me over the last couple days. Each time I do that, you’ll hear this sound so you can keep track of what’s happening [DING] Many thanks to Liz Zirk and Gretchen Kilby for helping to get this episode reworked on the fly. And, of course, huge thanks to Alexa for your grace and understanding through this topsy-turvy process. I think you’ll find this episode fascinating and I’m so glad that you finally get to hear it! Okay, now on to the show… [MUSIC] LEAH: Welcome to Good Girls Talk About Sex. I am sex and intimacy coach Leah Carey and this is a place to share conversations with all sorts of women about their experience of sexuality. These are unfiltered conversations between adult women talking about sex. If anything about the previous sentence offends you, turn back now! And if you’re looking for a trigger warning, you’re not going to get it from me. I believe that you are stronger than the trauma you have experienced. I have faith in your ability to deal with things that upset you. Sound good? Let’s start the show! [MUSIC] LEAH: Hey friends. If you watched the Netflix series “Deaf U” that premiered in October 2020, you almost certainly remember Alexa. With long blonde hair and an electric personality, she was the breakout star of the show. Her storyline was buzzy because it involved raw conversations about getting pregnant by another cast member and having an abortion. She also talked about her difficult relationship with her father, describing herself as having daddy issues that make romantic relationships challenging. Watching the show, I immediately knew that I wanted to interview Alexa because she spoke so openly about dating and sexuality, plus I’ve been wanting to have a Deaf or hard of hearing person on the show for quite a while. But public figures are often reticent to talk openly about their sex lives, so I sent Alexa a DM without much expectation of hearing back from her. Imagine my delight when she said yes to doing an interview! As you’ll notice, the rhythm of this conversation is a little different than usual. It’s the first time I’ve ever done a conversation through an interpreter, and it took some time for me to relax into that flow. Many thanks to our fantastic American Sign Language interpreter Courtney Farbman. Courtney explained to me before we began that the grammar structure between ASL and American English is different, so there would be times when she’d have to wait until Alexa or I were done with the thought before she could begin translating. That naturally results in lots of long silences. There were also pauses in the midst of translating when Courtney would finish parts of Alexa’s thought, then wait to take in the next piece of what she was saying before translating that. We’ve edited out most of those blank spots, but it still doesn’t flow in the same way a conversation between two hearing people does. In the spirit of diversity and representation, we have not been overzealous in trying to make this sound like a conversation between two hearing people. Okay. Alexa is a 24-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, straight, monogamous, with a sporty body. At the time of this broadcast, she is dating fellow “Deaf U” cast member Braxton. I am so pleased to introduce Alexa! So, Alexa, welcome. Thank you for joining me today. ALEXA: Thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to be here for this. LEAH: Awesome. And so that people know, the person whose voice you’re hearing is our interpreter Courtney. So, the first question I ask everyone is what is your first memory of sexual pleasure? ALEXA: The first memory that I have of actually feeling horny or trying to figure out what are these sexy feelings. Are you asking about specifics? The first time I felt horny or the first time I had an orgasm? What is it that you’re looking for? LEAH: Some people will talk about being four years old and humping their teddy bear, and other people will talk about their first kiss and having those feelings, so it’s whatever it means to you ALEXA: Hmm. Well, I know growing up, I was a very sexual kid. I’m trying to figure out how to definitely talk about this. I’m trying to figure out how to identify myself. It was a young age, but it was common. It’s common for kids around those ages to start figuring out what feels good and everything else going on. [DING] LEAH: Hey it’s Leah with the first audio break-in, as promised. Here is the rest of Alexa’s response: “My mom noticed that I started self-gratifying at a very young age. I was doing it everywhere, even when she had guests over. I was around 6 or 7 and I remember her telling me that it was okay to do these things but that it should be done somewhere private like a bedroom. I didn’t really understand why I needed to stay in the room when we first talked about it. But later I understood sex and sexuality is a personal decision, and private. Many people are uncomfortable with the topic. So I kept it in the bedroom going forward with my self-pleasure. And then, as I got older, I developed into a woman. Men began to notice that and started testing my boundaries, and I went along with it because I wanted to explore that too. And then having to figure out how to talk about boundaries in a way that everybody understood, and what kind of impact that could have, figuring what is and what isn’t good. Looking back, I guess it was when I really started growing up, probably around the age of puberty when I noticed, “Oh, this is how I interact with boys. This is what makes me feel embarrassed and this is what feels good.” Okay, now back to the interview. ALEXA: And I think it’s really important, the reason why I’m so open on TV, I feel like if you keep it on private, people keep seeing sex as a taboo topic, and it’s not. And at first, that’s how I felt when I first started, figuring out what I shouldn’t tell anybody. When is it too soon to start having these conversations? And how I can and can’t go about it? How do I talk about these feelings of arousal that I’m having, or anything else? But once I started making these decisions for myself, it got easier to decide. LEAH: I completely agree with you. Part of the reason I do what I do is because sex was such a taboo subject for me well into my late 30s and early 40s. And then finally, in my early 40s, I started learning how to talk about it, and I don’t want women your age to have to go through all those years. ALEXA: Yeah. I really, really appreciate that you do something like this, and I feel a lot of people do feel like you have to keep sex hidden and that it’s such a taboo topic, but it’s really not. It’s a very normal part of life and I feel like people need to have these conversations, because it’s important to be able to talk to each other especially if you’re going to be intimate.

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