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Making Connections Online FEATURE ] MAKING CONNECTIONS ONLINE IT WAS 2004. I WAS 17 YEARS OLD AND HAD BEEN TRYING TO SURVIVE HIGH SCHOOL. BY ALEXANDER PLANK To say that making friends was incredibly diffi cult for me would have ILLUSTRATION COURTESY OF ISTOCKPHOTO.COM OF COURTESY ILLUSTRATION been an understatement. My grades were suffering, and I had been recently diagnosed as an autistic person. I was depressed and my parents didn’t know what to do; they were beside Making themselves and were afraid that I wouldn’t even make it to graduation. Connections Something was missing in my life and I needed to fi ll this void. In an effort to Online fi nd support, I went online to meet other Wrong Planet: A Web people like me. Unfortunately, at the time, the few autism communities available had Community for Those at most a couple hundred active members. on the Spectrum Consequently, I realized that I needed to create a new online community. I called it WrongPlanet.net because I felt as if I were 56 AUTISM ADVOCATE • FIRST EDITION 2010 ] MAKING CONNECTIONS ONLINE Fostering a Community Back in 2004, I had the idea that I needed ...I believed that I could foster a community of people who to fi nd others who were like me because would not misinterpret my intentions because their brains these people wouldn’t just understand would be wired similarly to mine. where I was coming from, but would understand me on a social level as well. What I mean by this is that I believed that from a different planet and had somehow, Aspies [people with Asperger’s] I could foster a community of people who through some cosmic event, mistakenly are usually very intelligent; they can would not misinterpret my intentions crashed into Earth. This feeling is just lack an ability to formulate their because their brains would be wired common among autistic people. opinions and knowledge in a socially similarly to mine. acceptable way. ...It is hard for us to You see, autistic people can be very speak in person or on the phone even. It turns out that the niche I had identifi ed social, especially among our own kind. We hear too much around us; we get in creating Wrong Planet fi lled a need A lot of the problems we face in social walked over in conversations or do the for many others. After only 5 years, we interactions are the result of other people opposite. Writing is just the preferred now have a community of more than misinterpreting our intentions. We form of communication because it shows 33,000 people who have cumulatively frequently try to communicate with our dedication to our thought. It also doesn’t posted more than two and a half million peers and can become very frustrated allow you to interrupt and throw us off messages. when we can’t fi t in. The following quote course, or off what we meant to say. from a Wrong Planet member sums up ~ Emoal6 My website has grown to not only include these frustrations: individuals on the spectrum, but also a 58 AUTISM ADVOCATE • FIRST EDITION 2010 MAKING CONNECTIONS ONLINE [ large community of parents, professionals reason for this is because the social facade Here’s an example from my forum of and siblings of those on the spectrum. that exists while interacting in person someone introducing themselves to my What is even more interesting is the fact is not required on the Internet. This community: that these different sub-communities makes us much more comfortable sharing Subject: I’m normal; everyone else is are able to not only coexist together, but personal details and makes it easier to crazy. also to help each other by answering one connect on a more intimate level. The I just learned about asperger’s not 3 another’s questions and giving each other following Wrong Planet member writes days ago, and have to say I’m shocked insight into their different perspectives about the stresses of direct conversations: that everything that i know to be me is and experiences. aspie symptoms. Certainly sheds light on I think that the child-like nature of my why i stare at people (like Jane Goodall speech is caused by the stress and Interacting Online studying apes). confusion of real-time conversation. The Internet and social media (Facebook, Starting to understand the wrong planet I become very anxious knowing that concept. i live in the sticks where a MySpace, Twitter) have allowed autistic someone is expecting a response few shots of whiskey and no one can tell people and their families to communicate immediately as this does not give me who’s who anyway. in ways that were not thought possible time to process what they have said or to even 10 years ago. Autistic people are translate my reply into something they Facilitating Connections can understand. less likely to feel inhibited when they are Among Parents ~ Aphonos sitting before a computer screen. The As I mentioned earlier, parents play a large In many ways, the autistic mind is role on Wrong Planet. When a mother or geared towards the types of interactions father connects to WrongPlanet.net, they that occur on the Internet. We can be frequently read the posts of those on the very literal, and the Internet requires spectrum. I’ve heard from many parents people to be literal. For instance, even a who say that reading other autistics’ posts neurotypical (a person who isn’t on the gives them valuable insight into the mind autism spectrum) will not know you’re of their own children, who may or may not being sarcastic on the Internet unless you be speaking. I think this is an incredibly ILLUSTRATION COURTESY OF ISTOCKPHOTO.COM OF COURTESY ILLUSTRATION explicitly say so; for example, through the signifi cant way to bridge the gap between use of an emoticon (or smiley). an autistic person and their neurotypical What’s great about interacting online is parent. you can reach an entire “planet” of people I’m amazed at how positive people can with whom to interact. In essence, it be when they fi nd hope on the Internet has made the world even bigger and has in others’ success and knowledge. When allowed people like me to fi nally fi nd other parents initially learn about a child’s autistics with whom we can relate. diagnosis, they’re very infl uenced by the message they hear fi rst, which may not be a positive one. Parents who initially What’s great about interacting online is you can reach an fi nd a network of support are better able entire “planet” of people with whom to interact. to help their child. If parents fi nd a more negative environment fi rst, they are less positive and often become depressed or start looking for someone to blame. The following parent writes about the support FIRST EDITION 2010 • AUTISM ADVOCATE 59 ] MAKING CONNECTIONS ONLINE she received from fellow Wrong Planet How Wrong Planet and managed to graduate high school members: Has Helped Me without being single. When I fi rst joined WrongPlanet, I was a After creating Wrong Planet, I began to College was tough for me, and I think I mess. My fi rst son had been diagnosed feel less alone in the world. I wasn’t as probably wouldn’t have survived it if I had with Asperger’s and I didn’t know much depressed and my grades improved from been at it alone. Having the community about it. I was scared that he wouldn’t I created was helpful in not feeling so be able to reach his potential. I was D’s and F’s to B’s and A’s. With the help scared that my former happy, sunny of people on the dating section of my isolated. I met an artist on my website who child had disappeared, to be replaced website, I was able to fi nally meet a girl became my fi rst long-term relationship. by a very anxious, unhappy boy. I was suffering clinical depression and on anti-depressants. I came to WrongPlanet and immediately many members stepped in to mentor me and my sons through. We had therapy from an excellent clinic, but we wouldn’t have made such leaps and bounds without WrongPlanet. - Smelena Finding Love Autistic people from my website have also met and fallen in love. These are people who may have never found anyone if they hadn’t been able to go online. Another great thing to hear about is divorced parents of autistics meeting each other through the Internet and eventually getting married. It’s hard for these divorced parents to fi nd understanding partners, so it makes sense that they would try to fi nd a partner on an autism community site. According to Mandi: I met my fi ancée on the internet. I kind of stumbled into my relationship. We started out as friends, just talking and learning more about each other and going on “friend dates.” If chemistry is good, both people will feel the same way. When you both know that you really like each other, Autistic people from my website have also met and fallen in then you know that there is something love. These are people who may have never found anyone if special. Both of you have to be completely open and willing to talk and listen to each they hadn’t been able to go online. other. When a relationship is real, it will just fl ow together and happen naturally.
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