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V9 al 1a 2CLJ 9h 1 RED WALK 3

" Marjorie Mae Cookingham, Delta Gam, evinced another reason for her popularity by wearing a striking, backless gown with a The white chiffon velvet top that met and tied in a panel tie at the back. The neckline was shirred and the skirt was black crepe. Mary Elizabeth Pell, Kappa, wore a divine ethereal gown of misty L orchid shading into purple tulle, and bespeckled with purple sequins over an orchid slip. The skirt was extremely full below A the knees, and the stand-up sleeves were full and militant. * Jo Dorsett, Theta, wore a heavy crinkled dress of yellow crepe T and with it a dinner jacket featuring short, slit sleeves. The decolletage neckline was extremely low cut. Maxine Piowaty, E Delta Gamma, wore a midnight blue crepe evening gown trimmed in midnight blue velvet and Laura Kenner, Theta, was lovely in a two-piece misty pink crepe beaded in silver with matching S silver slippers and jewelry accessories.

T o At other gala evening affairs Mary Katherine Steinkamp, Alpha 0, wore a sheath-like black chiffon velvet gown with a high shirred neckline trimmed with twin rhinestone clips. It tied in Thing the back with white satin faced ties and it had deep sleeves. Her gloves were of shirred chiffon velvet and her wrap was of the same material trimmed with deep white lapin cuffs and a Puritan lapin collar. Juanita Spors has been wearing a Delft blue Eisen- Yrwe burg afternoon dress trimmed with self material buttons. Be- neath the wind-blown collar is a large flower and the belt has Browne a wind-blown ruffle on it.

* Susan Jane Dikeman, Pi Phi, is lovely in a black crushed satin " The latest fashion decree is to "get into print'' particularly in back formal with a small train in the back. Its simplicity is those new, gay prints that suggest brighter days ahead. And the enhanced by two beaded straps in the back and a huge rhinestone last word in print is a clever dress with splotches of spring colors buckle. Mary Law Warner, Theta, chooses an ice-green satin and a new scarf top set off in pleated frills. It's also smart to with epaulets bordered in fur. Its jacket ties in a small bow at "keep tabs" on your shoulder fastening them with button or the back of the waist lending it a princess effect. Her slippers bows and to wear two layers of collar and two layers of jabot. are of ice-green crepe. Jane Hayes is A bib of pique, hankies tied into big bows and lingerie scarf col- vivacious in an Alice blue lars serve remarkably well in topping off the modish gown and crepe with small puffed sleeves and an extremely high neckline properly framing the face. and Dorothy Morris is attractive in a black crepe with long, net sleeves embroidered in silver. Another Delta Gam attraction has " Hats are intended to give you a new point of view, being brim- been Miriam Schies in a white crepe trimmed with green velvet less and off the face. The trend is a development of the popular about the neck and waist. Winifred Flood is intriguing in a bright tiara fad for evening. Some of them are made of a new straw orange crepe with a silver yoke cloth, paille etoffe. Another interesting chapeau style is that of and a high neck, the skirt slighly the eighteenth century shepherdess with ribbons and flowers in flaring at the bottom. great quantity. Vionnet features one with rows and rows of rib- bon brought around the neck and tied under the chin. A new ® Marianne Squibb, Alpha Chi, has a lovely billiard green after- fashion in gloves is that of the old favorite, kid, with wide, in- noon dress with gold mesh cuffs and gold mesh belt featuring a tricately worked antelope cuffs. Modish clips are used lavishly high cowl neck fastening in the back with gold buttons. Mary to ornament today's frock, especially the brooches made of pre- Louise Rariden, Alpha Chi, prefers a rust colored satin formal cious wood with signs of the Zodiac. Jewelry is once more having its day too, as the modistes declare one should wear earrings, with rhinestone straps and five matching rhinestone bracelets, necklace and bracelet all at the same time. It is not only per- earrings and a star hair ornament. Sally Hiestand, Alpha 0, missible but fashionable to wear a strand of pearls with a sweater. shows what the well dressed co-ed should wear for afternoon by donning a black silk crepe with a Mandarin black embroidered " As for sparkling jewels, the Miami Triad was certainly a glam- collar and a detachable embroidered scarf collar. The sleeves are orous sight to behold with its gorgeous array of gowns worn by slit just below the shoulder below which is an embroidered pocket the feminine guests-sequins, beads, rhinestones, semi-precious cuff from which run numerous Gibson girl pleats. jewel trimmings, glittering lame-proving that all is not gold that glistens. Barbara Moore, Kappa, wore a chartreuse crepe the " " " jacket of which was designed in crystal beads. Its peplum, short train and high neck which buttoned in the back made it atttrac- tive, but its ruffled sleeves which fall almost to the floor added "Darling, am I the first man you ever loved?" an indefinable air of distinctiveness. "Yes, Reginald, all the others were fraternity boys." * Theta pledge, Rosemary Humphrey's gorgeous auburn hair was shown off to an advantage in a white waffle weave crepe, tightly fitted and evolving into a deep, dance flounce at the bot- tom. The drop shoulders featured narrow straps of rhinestones and jade and the wide sash belt met in a large bow at the back. Tourist: "Officer, please come at once! My car just hit Georgiana Lanman's blonde attractiveness was enhanced also at the Triad when she appeared in an Evening Blue satin with a student!" square, but pointed, epaulets which were repeated in a ruffle Bloomington Stalwart:" (yawning) "Too bad, it's Sun- sewed on in points at the knee line. A perfect vee cut out in the back and buttons added to the back interest. day, you can't collect your reward except on week days." BORED w A L K Vol. IV JANUARY, 1934 No. 4

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DON H1ROLD SHANNON M. JOHNSON KATHERINE BERG Godfather Editor-in-Chief Grad Mgr. ROBERT MOORE, ELSA ESKEW JOHN SEMBOWER KENNETH CRUM Advertising Mgr. Associate Eds. Exchange Editor TOM MARTIN Ass't. Circulation Mgr. VINCENT jIIPPEN- HAN1I{ POND LED DAY STEEL Circulation Mgr. Ass't. Publicity Mgr. Publicity Mgr.

DEPARTMENT STAFF MEMBERS HEADS Elizabeth Burnett Lucille Meyers Henrietta Bulliet Dorothy Moss Margaret Ann, Evans 1Guth Sass Doris Ward Anna Margaret Cameron Lloyd Wilkins YETIVE BROWNE Lela Scott Dick Evans Loy Baxter Evelyn Conrad Louis Nie Dick Ewing LAURA GRIMSHAW Warren McDermed Harry Campbell Kathleen Mason Max Williams Joann Keller Helen Light William Browning Walter Nichols FRITZ PURNELL Elizabeth Hillix Virginia Hunter Rosemary Lavelle Harve Stackman Jane Hayes Dorothy Rcketts ED VERMIL ION Don Miller Eleanqr Dodson Charles Flowers Margaret Stark Wilbur Pell Marjorie May Cooking- Elizabeth QGrber BEULAH HOADLEY Francis Nipp ham Grace Thompson Eunice Toothaker Bob Van Namee Helen Mattice BEATRICE RHOEM Frances Brindley Ann Ashcraft Ralph Ehrman ADVERTISING STAFF FRED BARRETT, PROCTOR MOORE, Student Advertising Managers CHARLES tJNYAN, Assistant Manager Francis Nipp Joann Keller Eunice Toothaker John Schoelch Helen Hanson Beatrice Rhoem Gordon Stringer

Copyright 1933 by the Bored Walk Publishing Co., Inc. Published eight times during the school year from October to May inclusive by students of Indiana University. "Enteredas second class matter at Bloomington, Ind., under the act of March 3, 1879, Applica- tion for re-entry. at Spencer, Ind., pending." Office: Assembly Hall, Indiana University. Subscription rates one dollar the year. Single copies fifteen cents. Exclusive reprint rights granted to O

Table of Contents

The Latest Thing ...... 3 Knotholes in the W alk ...... 11 Borings...... 16 Faces of the Month.. 1 Sports ...... 20

Sealing Wax ...... 22 ORED WALK 5

Fred G. Hitchcock Arnold Berg

Life Insurance General Insurance & Annuities

Located Freeman And Pauline PEOPLES INSURANCE & REALTY CO. (Formerly Quad Beauty Shop) Most experienced operators in Bloomington Kresge Bldg. Phone 2754 Professional hair cutting by a man barber. Phone 6050 On the Quad

LITTLE THINGS Little notes well hidden, Scraps held fast in hand, Make a pupil brighter, Help him understand.

Thus examinations, Undoubtedly Trying though they be, Hold no fright for wise ones Who shun catastrophe. -Octopus The best place to eat

Freshman to Soph: "You know, we're pals pure and in Town simple. I'm pure."

Steaks, Chops and I call my boy-friend "Omelet" 'cause he needs "Egging"

. . . Sea Foods

"It's all your fault that I flunked that quiz. You remem- a specialty ber when I asked you how much a million dollars was?" "Sure, I remember." "Well, a helluva lot isn't the answer." -Shine Cable Coffee Shop . .*. MR. CONSTANTINE, Prop. Things are so bad in Hollywood that King-Kong is 419 East Kirkwood working for an organ grinder. -Medley

Phone 6333 BELL CLEANING WORKS QUALITY SERVICE CLEANING PRESSING DYEING

415 E. 5th Phone 6333

_. 6. JAN UAR

LIST OF ADVERTISERS

are just around the corner w a i t i n g for you- Bell Cleaners 5 Bookstore .. 27 They're yours for the asking at Cauble's Coffee Shop 5 THE. Chesterfield...... B. C. MODERNISTIC BEAUTY SALON Edgeworth . 9 -PHONE 3737- Ford ...... 24 Freeman And Pauline 5 "I think I'll go on a bender," said the fly as he started crawling around a pretzel. -Lyre Harris Grand Theatre . 9 Home Laundry ... 25 Hotel Washington 26 Chem. Prof.: Come, come, give me the answer, please. Johnson's Creamery 7 Student: I can't say it but it's on the tip of my tongue. 'Nother stude: My Gosh, don't swallow it-it's arsenic. Lucky Strike ..... 2 VooDoo Midland Press...... 26

Modernistic Beauty Salon . 6

Maid: I'm sorry, but she said to tell you that she is not Peoples Insurance:. 5 at home. Gish: Oh, that's all right, just tell her that I'm glad I Princess Theatre ...... 9 didn't come. -Annapolis Log Rotruck's Cafe ...... 7

- - - Sinclair Studio ...... 5 University Commons ...... 24 IF THE AD SPOKE THE TRUTH G. B. Woodward 6 .. "We used to have to pay our little brat, Jimmie, to take his milk. Now we beat hell out of him with a baseball bat, and he likes it fine!" adver- -Colgate Banter STUDENTS-Patronize the tisers in the BORED WALK. They are loyal supporters of your university and "We Will Bond and Insure You" back of its enterprises. The BORED C. B. WOODWARD CO. H orjoratertI WALK especially recommends them DistrictAgency to the Freshmen as having the highest Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Co. quality wares, highest possible interest LIFE INSURANCE AND ANNUITIES in you as a student, and the highest Ralph J. Nelson, Mgr. esteem for your Faculty. Help bring CITIZENS TRUST BLDG. PHONE 2131 BLOOMINGTON, IND. back prosperity by buying now. BORED WALK 7

1 Whit W hmern CAMPUS CALENDAR U UNION BUILDING ACTIVITIES

Tuesday, Jan. 23, 30. Feb. 6, 13. Indiana University Law Faculty Luncheon. 12 noon. Colonial Tea Room. Wednesday, Jan. 17, 24, 31. Feb. 7, 14. Psychology Dept. Luncheon. 12 noon. Colonial Tea Room. Tuesday, Jan. 30. University Council Meeting. Wood- burn Room. 7 p. m. Thursday, Feb. 8. School of Music Concert. Alumni Hall. 8 p. m. Friday, Feb. 9. Unnion-A. W. S. Dance. BASKETBALL January 15 Ohio State, there " 31 Wabash, here February 5 Iowa, here " 10 Illinois, there " 17 Chicago, there WRESTLING February 2 Iowa, there 3 Cornell College at Iowa, there 10 Central Y. M. C. A. of Chicago, here 17 Iowa, here THEATRES PRINCESS AND HARRIS GRAND tea i "Let's fall in Love," with Edmund Lowe and Ann Southern. "Design for Living," with Frederic March and Miriam Hopkins. H ow do 1 know I'm not getting "Roman Scandals," with Eddie Cantor. "Once to Every Woman," with Fay Wray and Ralph Bellamy. some of that other 99%/?2.. . . "Four Frightened People," with Claudette Colbert. "Man of Two Worlds," with Elissa Landi. "I hear all this talk about raw milk and pasteur- "His Double Life," Lillian Gish and Roland Young. "Cross Country Cruise," Lew Ayres and Alice White. ized milk. I don't know anything about milk. And I wonder how many people do. But when doctors ROXY say that only pasteurized milk is safe milk . Coming Attractions: well, even a fellow my age can get the idea. When "Bed of Roses," Constance Bennett. one of them says that only I per cent of the raw "What Price Innocence." milk sold is fit for me to drink, it doesn't take me "Woman I Stole," Jack Holt and Fay Wray. "Ex-Lady," Bette Davis. very long to make up my mind that only PASTEUR- "Jimmy and Sally," Jimmie Dunn and Claire Trevor. IZED milk goes into MY tummy!" "Double Harness," Ann Harding and Wm. Powell. "I Loved A Woman," Edward G. Robinson and Kay Francis. We quote from Dr. Albert V. Stroesser, writ- "Love, Honor, and O' Baby," Slim Summerville and ZaSu Pitts. ing in a recent issue of "Everybody's Health": ".... .it has been stated that only one per cent or even less of all raw milk on the market is fit for feeding children . . " If it's true for children it's true for grown-ups, too. Insist upon Johnson's Pas- ROTRUCK'S CAFE teurized milk. Next To Princess Theatre

You can recommend it to your friends.

Open Lunches All Night and Short Orders Pasteurized Dairy Products 8 JANUAR

COLUMBIA WAX °r SLIM George Olsen . . . Far from being a bad band. C There's a Home in Wyomin'! They should give the cowboy songs back to the Indians. That boxers' song (T Last Round Up) gave the boys bad ideas. M Let's Go Bavarian. With Ethel Shutta, assisted by t M trio, makes a good recording.

E Fran Frey . . . Olsen's former feature man with his os N band which could be worse. Puddin' Head Jones and Sittin' On a Log. O. K. if yo T must have these tunes. S Sunny Greer. . . Ellington's band under Sunny's name. Don't get me wrong folks. I am not trying to plug my Beggars Blues. Another of the Duke's jobs. name. After all records are slim and that's. what I am Bernice Cummins . . . Has a nice trombone man (Don writing about. I have been asked to give a little dope on get me wrong, I mean he plays his instrument well). the new records-well my advice is not to worry about It's Oh, It's Ah. The title sounds like a combination buying any, just come in and I will play them for you. of dentists' and doctors' agony yells, but it will do. There I go-never could stay away from business very By the way, I hear that Bernice is going to break long. dov and hire a torch singer. Best buys: Duke Ellington's, now recording, exclusive- ly for Victor, Rude Interlude. Casa Loma's THIS IS ROMANCE, Ramona's NOT FOR ALL THE RICE IN BRUNSWICK DISC CHINA, Louis Armstrong's HONEY, DO! and SNOW Leo Riseman . . . A great work on the Whiteman style. BALL (vocal best yet), and Ted Fiorito's TEMPTATION. Smoke in Your Eyes. A fair tune, but the vocal is little cloudy. Orchestra is swell. VICTOR RECORDINGS The touch of Your Hand. A pretty waltz, but Wayi Don Bestor . . . nothing to write home about. King is still the waltz king. Beautiful Girl. A nice swing tune, but the orchestra Mine. A greedy title from the show "Let Em' Eat Cake doesn't do it justice. Another bad vocal rendition. There's a Ring Around the Moon. A little better. Must Casa Loma... A great band, but someone is spoiling then have rehearsed this one. You're Gonna' Lose Your Gal. Not up to Casa Lon standard. Jan Garber Duke Ellington . . . The king of colored aggregations. could have done a better job ar Rude Interlude. Gigantic! One record full of screwy that isn't saying much. chords. Class it along side of Mood Indigo. Freddie Martin .. . Another band. Dallas Doings. The Duke still sits on his pedestal. Dal- My Dancing Lady. Another record. las seems to be giving St. Louis and Memphis a run for the song titles. Mildred Bailey and the Dorsey's . . . A great combinatio Doin' the Uptown Lowdown. Good treatment, but th Connie Boswell ... The best (She's from New Orleans too). lyrics are as dumb as the freshman that wondered wl1 Dinner at Eight. Swell singing, but not enuf. Too much Rome couldn't be built on a day-bed. of Victor Young Orch. Give Me Liberty or Give Me Love. Grade A.

Louis Armstrong . . . The high note artist. Abe Lyman ... Always reliable. Honey, Do! Great if you like Louise. On the other side When You Were the Girl in the Scooter. Another til Louise sings Hoagy's SNOW BALL as it should be "sang." eared set of lyrics.

*** Ramona ... The queen of the piano not to say anything of her vocal doings. "It's this depression," said the boy, as they struggled o Annie Doesn't Live Here Anymore and Not For all The of the hollow in the old parlor davenport. Rice In China. Both fine. The life of a squirrel is summed up in a nutshell. Eddie Duchin ... Another good piano pounder (Me and Eddie). "@"0" After Sundown. A nice peppy rhumba. Hotcha! Deke (wanting a loan): "Do you remember the old say Dark Clouds. Eddie does it nicely although the tune ing, 'A friend in need is a friend indeed?'" isn't much. Other Deke: "Yes, stranger." BORED WALK 9 Bloomington Theatre Attractions If mildness is all you want PRINCESS HARRIS GRAND-NOW! NowePlaying George BANCROFT

She electrified the world in U1 "Morning Glory."

AND NOW SHE DIPS HER SOUL ROMANCE! inyour pipe

Out on bond. Into Bondage. Dynamic story See him in "BLOOD Engagement Through MONEY" Wednesday with Coming To The JOAN BENNETT Princess PAUL LUKAS Very Soon FRANCES DEE JEAN PARKER "DESIGN Edna May Oliver For Douglass Montgomery MILDNESS is important. But is mildness the only Henry Stephenson LIVING" Prices 10 & 35c, Balcony 2sc-Daily 25c Mainees virtue in a pipe tobacco? Then try ticker tape sometime. You'll find it very mild, very cheap. But if you really enjoy a pipe, mildness alone is not enough. You want flavor-the rich, full-bodied flavor of the THIS FUNNY WORLD OF OURS finest tobacco. Edgeworth is made from the tenderest leaves of the burley plant-the "mildest pipe tobacco Eggs are funny things, that grows." In the blend and treatment of these leaves They're white on the outside; lies the secret of Edgeworth flavor. It is the result of They're white and yellow on the inside. more than half a century of experience. They splash when they fall. Write for FREE Booklet Hens are funny, too. on the Care of Your Pipe

They cackle as they lay the above mentioned, To get the real satisfaction of pipe smok- Or as they chat over the backfence, ing, send for a free copy of "The Truth About Pipes.'' It contains much practi- f About the plumpness of the lady next door.

smokers. Larus & Bro. Co., RichmondY *0*0* Va., Tobacconists since 1877. :

"This is a hell of a dump," remarked St. Peter as he sent Ask your dealer for Edgeworth Ready-Rubbed- +R another load of sinners down. -Dirge or Edgeworth in Slice form. Sold everywhere. Alt sizes, 15g pocket package to pound humidor din. y Also sizes in vacuum-packed tins.

"Young man, take your hand off my daughter's knee." "Excuse me sir, I was just going to say what a nice joint you have here." -VooDoo

,0. , MADE FROM THE

Prof. (sternly)-When the room settles down I will be- gin the lecture. Stude.-Why don't you go home and sleep it off? TH AT GROWS 10 JANU

IT'S A JEKYL-HYDE WORLD AFTER ALL

Did you know that- 1. Carl Fliessbach, S A. E., otherwise a perfect gentle- man, is also adept at breaking noses? 2. Jack Lutz, Acacia, who seems to know all about everything, was recently seen at a lecture on sex ethics? 3. Linville Baker, Delta Chi pledge, greatly enjoys, be- sides his class work, talking to Vera (Gables) Hill- samer? 4. Don Dischinger, Phi Delt pledge, besides being a blooming Lochinvar, is also an accomplished teller of lousy tales? 5. Bill Combs ("Harry High-school" from Princeton) knows every pretty pair of ankles on the campus. but still remains one of our dateless eds? 6. Jack Holloway, Sig Pi, who is majoring in chemistry. has a passion for complicated legal terms, and keeps the S. P. laws in a constant uproar? 7. Helen Rasler, A. D. Pi, such a nice girl, too, can't cook, and simply can't keep from calling fraternity houses and boressing by the hour? "Come on Throckmorton, let's look up naughty words 8. Alice Menefee (sssh!) who is so accomplished in the in Webster." social arts, doesn't really have to wear those specs? 9. Janet Seward, Kappa, who is usually so considerate of others, is heartlessly causing a couple of young men to flunk in her German class this semester? 10. Pauline Ford, Z. T. A. who appears so shy and re- ABOUT WEARING A PIN tiring, has a hidden capacity for drawing hermits and woman-haters out of their retreats?

Into the life of every sorority gal there comes a time ,0,0, when she notices that some mug is giving her plenty of attention. If he is from a good fraternity his days of free- Phi Mu-"Ihab a code in by node." dom are numbered, because the sorority gal and her sisters S. A. E.-"Come on up and I'll Vicks it." consider him fair game and they usually don't miss. The trap is set. By the careful and clever manipulation of physical attractions, soft lights, exotic perfume, sweet music and a line, the prey is led into the trap, that is, a spot where he feels the urge to Put his Pin on her. She is then Wearing a Pin. Now the successful little gal may wear the mug's pin on her dress above her heart, or she may use it to hold up a brassiere or sumthin'. The latter method is known as Wearing a Pin Under, the sense of which is not easily dis- cernible. Since the mug believes that the pin gives him exclusive Dating and Necking privileges, the gal has a heck of a time getting her extra Dating and Necking, but most of them manage it. The mug, of course, being a Dumb Kluck, rarely sus- pects anything, and she would be considered something akin to an Ass by her sisters if she sat around and twid- dled her thumbs while the mug was out bragging about what a swell gal he had. This goes on for some time, maybe a year, maybe a month, until he finds out or she gets tired, or vice versa, "1 would like to draw $15 from my account, please.' or both. Then there is a Scene and she either throws his pin in his face or sends it next day Express Collect along with fifteen pounds of limestone slabs dug up from the sorority back walk. -K. Crum ... BORED WALK 11

BORED " t + WALK '

Vol. IV JANUARY, 1934 No. 4 Knotholes in the walk e

Now that the Jingle Bells season is anyway?" Just after a relatively finally over-and we are convinced painful vacation experience, we seem that no song that was ever written is to hear, in a mighty crescendo of more overworked than that one- response, some three thousand voices we turn our attention with a sigh of echoing as one, "Who? Me!" either relief or resignation to a Let us make an attempt to quash, struggle with term papers and finals. once and for all a favorite and very It's downright unfortunate the way tiresome little trick that several everything seems to come just when profs have been known to pull on to re- we need peace and relaxation unsuspecting and sleepy students. cover from a vacation. But it always Let us rise in defense of a long suf- will. As has and it probably always fering student-body and avoid its of we write this, we are only aware repetition and the consequent disin- be three term papers that must terested embarrassment that makes knocked out before our debt with the it such a nuisance. Never again, if at any time, but they have arranged University can be cleared. There are anyone reads this and takes its les- to insure enjoyment of the program several other profs, tho, that have son to heart, need students gasp and as well. The Union Board recently been going around with a malicious guess when asked whether the fig- received a catalog from them an- and foreboding glint in their eyes. ures on the courthouse clock are in nouncing their entry into the liquor They will pop out with the good Roman or Arabic numerals. Regard- business. We suggest as a motto, news one of these days. Happy land- less of your eyesight or lack of ob- ings "Any brand with any band." It to you. servation-thanks to our present hu- would be interesting, we think, to Let us pass on to you one of the manitarian impulse-you can pipe check over some of the mail they year's prize boners. A co-ed, being up en masse and squelch his little receive. For example, "Please quote unable to find the keys to one of her scheme by announcing the truth that prices on Hal Kemp and 'White traveling bags, left it at school he does not expect you to know. Will take Charlie Agnew if Thanksgiving, but decided that she Horse.' There are no numerals of any kind necessary, on the condition that you couldn't get home Christmas with- on the darn thing. Bear that fact substitute 'Old Forester' at the out it. In desperation, she dragged eternally in mind; a great many same rate," or, "Enclosed find five it, with a certain amount of assist- members of the faculty regard it as dollars. Please send a piccolo player ance, down to a local locksmith to an item of paramount importance. and a quart of Scotch." have it opened at all costs. The But do consider all the circumstances boner showed up when it proved to Several years ago, in a College before you use this bit of informa- have been unlocked all the time. As on Indiana Univer- Humor article tion. A prompt and accurate answer an added item of interest, it was sity, the Bored Walk's worthy god- might be more than some old boy's empty except for a newspaper and a father, Don Herold, went so far as to weak heart could take. pair of wool socks. include "the damned old Monon" in A most versatile and enterprising a list of the school's blessings. We have done our part. You'll organization, the M. C. A. They not "Who," said he, "wants to go to have to count the windows in the only will book any band anywhere school on the New York Central, Student Building tower yourself. If 12 JAN UAR

you get stuck, don't say we didn't warn you. It's funny the way little things can accumulate until a very trivial inci- dent all but blows the lid off and marks the limit of emotional endur- ance. We got all steamed up over a borrowed watch the other day and only a really quite creditable self- control and the lack of an axe pre- vented us from qualifying as one of the principals in a messy axe- murder. Neither side of the argu- ment had much logical basis, but we are fully convinced that only a verdict of justifiable homicide could have been fair to us if our impulse had outweighed our judgment at the time. Of course, no jury would

"Sssh, officer she's asleep."

Four and twenty Alpha Chis, Undressing in the dorm, Just to show the Delta Chis An example of good form.

have returned such a verdict, and no possible case could have been made out for the defense, but the fact re- mains that, at the time, it was not only justifiable but all but inevi- table. And it wasn't even a good watch. It didn't keep time-Stand- ard Time, that is-and the maker alone could figure its internal ar- rangements and needs. If we ever do get hung, lay it to something like that. There must be a wonderful view from the top of the Union Building. It seems a trifle unjust to restrict "Good Lord! A thousand miles and me with a it to janitors and visiting senators. piccolo player." Or don't they allow senators up there either? BORED WALK 13

BORED WALK'S CROSS WORD

"Good day Madam and I'll have Fuller Brushmen aren't like that."

HORIZONTAL 1. Word showing very great disgust. JUST MEN IN GENERAL 4. Junior class president who sleeps in his Sphinx cap. (First of two articles by a learned contemporary) 7. In case that; provided. Men are what women marry. They have two feet, two we 8. Initials of a member of the football team. Yes, hands, and sometimes two wives, but never more than one have one. collar or one idea at a time. Like Turkish cigarettes, men 9. Go away! (In our own vernacular.) are all made of the same material the only difference is 11. Every. that some are better disguised than others. What one usually scratches. 13. Generally speaking, men are divided into three classes Butler who is really in love 15. Initials of Sig Chi from ... husbands, bachelors and widowers. An eligible bache- home town gal. with the lor is a man of obstinacy, entirely surrounded by suspicion. 16. Exclamation heard frequently in shady spots on Husbands are of three varieties: prizes, surprises, and con- house verandas. sorority solation prizes. Making a husband out of a man is one of 18. Before noon. the highest plastic arts known to civilization. It requires 19. What we get in classes but don't get during exam science, sculpture, and common sense, faith, hope and week. charity . . . mostly charity. 21. Expression of contempt. (In our own vernacular.) If you flatter a man it frightens him to death, and if you 22. Weather forecast for Tuesdays in Bloomington. don't you bore him to death. If you permit him to make 23. What we want in a boring class. love to you he gets tired of you in the end and if you don't VERTICAL he gets tired of you in the beginning. If you believe in 1. The Pi Phi who made a name for herself as the everything you soon cease to interest him and if you argue campus Mae West. with him in everything, you soon cease to charm him. If 2. Initials of the girl who suddenly lost interest in Proc you believe all that he tells you he thinks you are a fool, Moore a few days ago. and if you don't he thinks you are a cynic. 3. Halfdimes. S. A. E. rhine. If you wear gay colors and rouge and a startling hat, he 4. Sig Chi, Sphinx and Tottering Veterans president. hesitates to take you out; if you wear a little brown toque 5. Delta Chi Iron Man. Football player. (Initials.) and a tailor-made, he takes you out and stares all night 6. Everybody's palsy-walsy. The best nose for news on at a woman in gay colors, rouge and a startling hat. the campus. If you join him in his gaieties and approve him in his 9. Initials of fraternity mentioned several times in above smoking, he swears you are driving him to the devil; if lines. you don't approve of smoking and urge him to give up his 10. Myself. gaieties, he vows you are driving him to the devil. If you 12. Exist. are the clinging-vine type he doubts whether you have a 14. Abbreviation for southern state. brain, and if you are the modern advanced woman he 17. Initials of fine baseball man. doubts whether you have a heart. If you are silly, he longs 19. What not to be on Saturday night. for a bright mate and if you are brilliant and intellectual, 20. What every coed dislikes. (In theory.) he longs for a playmate. 24. Initials for the theme song of exam week. If you are popular with other men, he is jealous; if you Find key to puzzle on page 25 are not, he hesitates to marry a wallflower. 14 J A N U A

1111Ii

The BORED JANUARY Vol. IV 1934 No. 4

" of Indiana University

LL semester long the student body has struggled with a fair amount of patience and calm through courses and classes and profs. We have succeeded, most of us, in get- ting away with a good many things that neither rime nor reason nor pure expediency could excuse, but the end of our heigh-day is at hand. The time has. come when sophomores and freshmen and seniors and juniors are all to be butchered to make a Roman holiday for the members of the Faculty Club. Of course, the papers have to be read, more or less, and a certain amount of discretion in the matter of grades must be exercised, but all in all it is a far more pleasant time for the instructors than for the students. Exams are tough, too tough to be passed with a last minute boning. The semester has gone too far to be overtaken in these last days of grace. Study is essential, beyond a doubt, but-What's on at the shows? BO R E D W A LK 15

PERUSING THE NEWS

O 00

AND $3,500 IS ALL IT WILL COST YOU (Headline in the San Francisco Examiner.) Did you say $3,500?

CLOSED BANKS' ASSETS RELEASED BY RAINEY (Headline in the San Francisco Examiner.) Been saving for a rainy day, prob- ably.

* *0* "Better lay off the water-cress, Minnie, you been HAMLET SUFFERS IN FIRE walking in your sleep lately." (Headline in the New York Times.) To burn or not to burn.

" "."

SALLY RAND QUITS PICTURES IN HUFF (Headline in the Rochester (Ind.) Daily News Sentinel.) The Traveling Salesman Who-For adults only With four wheel brakes and free wheeling?

e e e It seems that there was a young lightning rod salesman by darkness one night as he was travel- IT'S MUSICAL CARGO who was overtaken ARRIVING ON REX; ing in the rural district. As there was no hotel near, he TOSCANINI ET AL. decided to try to put up at the next farm house he saw. (Headline in the New York Evening Post.) After about five minutes he sighted one and swung the car Smith? into the driveway. He went up to the house and knocked * * * at the door. It was opened by a shapely blond who ap-

PROSECUTOR DEMANDS NOOSE peared to be about eighteen years old and whom he took (Headline in the San Francisco the farmer's daughter. When asked what he wanted, Examiner.) to be No noose is good noose. he explained his plight to her. The girl then asked her

"0e0e father if it would be all right for the young man to remain

NEW SILVER RUSH there that night. He said it would. BARES OLD MINT (Headline in the Indianapolis Star.) After a good old-fashioned country dinner the farmer A life saver. asked his daughter to conduct the salesman to the guest " 0"e room. She took the lamp and led him to a small room and LOST: Mounted tire between Washington and Market on Alabama bid him good night. Next morning he came downstairs St., Sun. bright and early. When asked how he slept, he replied (Ad in the Indianapolis Star.) "Very well." Then after a breakfast of waffles and coffee Mounted on a white or black horse? he thanked the farmer and was on his way. 16 JANU

BORINGS

The pin market is on the upward trend and bids fair to The lad is getting pyfy conscious...... It seems t reach a new high during the season of pins, proms and daf- Dave Study, fygam child prodigy, is falling in love aga fodils ...... Betty McGannon, Longhorn dee gee flash, In a page of one of his notebooks a note was found readi was recently adorned with the essayee medal of Harry "Dear Evelyn, I love you, I love you, and I love yo- Davisson. That Texas drawl had a lot to do with the lassoo- ...... Gilbert Szeleszki Shake (name pronoun< ing...... z. t. a. Billy Collins has an a. t. o. pin, but it Sceleszki) fygam prex has written to Hollywood to fj isn't the one mentioned in the last issue. Condolences due out how Crosby and Columbo got their starts as crooner Harmon Green ...... According to the better guessers, ...... z. t. a. Dewey called Memorial Hall and ask Jane Shacklett is concealing Chuck Runyan's sigmanu for Noel Bailey. Have they started installing housefath jewelry on her person...... Innovation in the Pin- as well as housemothers? ...... Afraid of becomi ning game: pyfy Hazel Dikeman wears Woody Todd's stoop-shouldered from carrying it, sigmakappa Dorot lamdaki badge during every date and then returns it when Becker returned deltaki Gruber's pin. AND she sent he takes her home ...... kiomega Zimmerly returned back in a taxi...... fidelt McDaniels and theta B. from Xmas vacash with an essayee tag...... Eugene Brown are engaged in a series of debates on the topic "V Behmer has been "wearing the saddle" at the beta house Morrie Kiss Betty Ann Goodnight." We'd like to kn lately since his brethren caught him calling his Ohio girl who takes the affirmative ...... sigmanu pledge Lo "my dear little fairy princess" in a letter...... A and kappa pledge Thomas have become so accomplish number of people who attended the Triad thought Fred at contract bridge that they challenge all comers. Accord Barrett had entered a Walkathon. Maybe Fred ing to Long, they play the new "clinch" system...... thought so too before the end of the evening...... George Osborn "Suthern lovah" of the sigpy house si Word comes from the fygam abode that the newly-created that he is really being true to the Mississippi heart-thr Mazola twins, Dick (Mazo) Swan and Bob (Crisco) Roy- but the pyfys offer so much consolation to a lonely he ster, are supporting a petition to cause the Gables booths that he can't stay away from them...... Charlo to be substantially widened ...... kappa Martha Helme Thampson is toting the badge of Hughes Lewis, kappad is startipg a rogue's gallery or something similar on her taro ...... the sigep Twyman-deltazeta Nicholas dressing table. She has Ray E. Miller's photo alongside fair must be getting more serious than ever. She has the photo of the physy whose pin she wears intermittently. returned the badge for some time...... lamd ...... sigmakappa Nidrah Dunn is having fun. She Coffee tried to date kappa pledge Fulk for weeks. He fina flaunts her womanly wiles around thetaki Don Myers until got a date for a Union Building dance with the popu he gets in a pin presenting mood and then refuses to take singer only to find out later that Slim Lamar's orchestra v it...... Nothing like working on schedule. lamdaki to play for the struggle...... Bill Spiegel with a kapi Jim Miller has set the date in March for the pinning of sig pin at Smith has averaged one date a day with kap sigma kappa Fergusen. Cigar stores and confectioneries Driesbach. He probably eats grapenuts for breakfast... please note...... This month we present the Union .... The sigpy rhines were given the reins for a day at th building to deegee pledge Huffman and Pete Cuthbert for house recently. The first official act was to prohi their adeptness at dancing in dark corners without stum- Biedinger's accordion playing...... Did Alice Kul bling over furniture ...... delt Thory Johnson is at- ever tell this one at the house? She breezed into Sciei tracted by something or other at the deegee house. And 40 for a conference group in psychology and talked it isn't wallpaper...... deltaky Fuqua and the "Boy Hernly Tout for about five minutes before discovering s back home" have joined the Forgotten Man Society. And was in another class which was in session...... all because Marcella Loge is getting fluttery about lamdaky there a mutual understanding when Rosemary Humphre Max Fritz...... sweetest sobriquet of the month: theta greenie, says to Austin Robinson, fydelt, "I do a. t. o. Behrens has been calling kiomega pledge Mary know you from Adam?" ...... From all appearan Ellen Sharp "Battle Axe."...... The mutual yen of pyfy Mary Welsh, and Stan Atkinson are getting roman kappa pledge Grubb and sigmanu McGaw is evaporating...... Dick Finchum has become a member of ' ORED WALK 17

i Anti-roommate Club. Carrol Kern visited him during Soon vacation. Before the visit Dick had two girl friends. after the roomy's arrival he had none...... Jack Root, riffle ex-Michigan law student, seems to be making the five with Eloise Coffing. Doc Snyder must be about date laps behind, for the expromqueen broke her Triad with him...... Charlotte Sputh, kappa, wore a sigki tag the other night just to wake up her fysy. It almost put the Third street loved one to sleep...... Rumor has it that Helen Mattice has aspirations of becoming third zyther tooter with the Lamar note factory. At least she hipped around over the country with the band during vacash...... Alice Menefee tripped blythely through the wrong door while in Aurora during vacash and then tripped not so blythely out again according to a duet of sigpi witnesses. Alice in wonderland. And was her physiog- nomy pinkish hued...... Elise Frick, kappa, is all fancied up in a new coiffure. All eligible men with wander- ing badges please call for appointments...... beta pledge Chittick and kappa pledge Artes appear to be seriously considering enrollment in a woo and coo course ...... theta Jane Malcolm is not yet ready to wear the "Shall I wrap it up or will you wear it?" fygam tag. The home town heart-throb still cracks the whip it appears...... Mary Baum has added another pin to her collection. This latest was formerly the property of that charmer Dick Stanbro ...... fysy Bud Bryan is all atwitter over Jeanne Pettinger for the moment...-- Lowey's sigki secretary took the dee gee's papa, mama, and .... And Hopesy-wopesy Hildebrand and Fredsy-wedsy two sisters to dinner while she attended the fysy Dick seem to be renewing the old interest. Lovesy-wuvsy gobble fest. Nice sort of fellow to have around when the will find a waysy-aysy...... Popular Pell, kappa family drops in. pledge, is still looking for a boy friend who will give her heart-throbs in a big way, so say some of her confidantes. Try parting the toupee on the other side of the block, The Pharisee Kelso...... Vivian Gavitt was seen holding a pitcher of cold water while bidding bon nuit to fygam Hewins in The Union tower stands firm and tall the z. t. a. vestibule. Evidently she doesn't trust the man. And stretches out its arms to God, ...... Have you ever visited in Winchester? It's a Asking His blessing upon all ducky spot to hit, providing you're dee gee Burkhart and The campus, even on the Quad. visiting delt Oliver...... Sally Hustand is going lovey-dovey of late. Joe Lauramore is the dovey...... "Lord," it says, "Deliver these pyfy Floy Frank and delt Marshall Hewitt are tiffing. This Sigma Nu's and SAE's. is the tiffing season...... Blue ribbon Xmas gift: Forgive Your children, Pi Phi's, Theta's; Pajamas presented to z. t. a. Hoagland by sigpy Gibson. Stretch a point, smile on the Beta's. Red Ribbon Xmas gift: Bottle of champagne received by Condone the sins of these transgressors, Helen McCartney...... "How to Work the B. F. for Freshmen, seniors-yes-professors. a Diamond" by Mary Kate Steinkamp will be on sale at Exercise your vaunted power, the bookstore within the next few days ...... s. a. e. tower Chattin has been wearing a see-my-pearly-toothums ex- Says the heaven-reaching pression since he badged Mary Elizabeth Bond...... And smugly, proudly, smiles around, Marjorie May Cookingham is getting fluttery over s. a. e. Forgetting the first floor on the ground. Fred Sims ...... pyfy Bell and fygam Bowers are nix- ing the old combination...... Omar Pangborn after And thus the tower, lordly, strong, bidding a fond farewell to a theta greenie said "It doesn't With its head far in the air, mean a thing to you, does it?" The clever lass replied, Takes the burden of its song "No, does it mean anything to you?" ...... Charlotte From the men who put it there. 18 JANUA

gang as far as purpose goes. G. D.-(Perplexed, but beginning to grow a trifle Why, certainly, there's a purpose. Pond-What? G. D.-Why, uh, why-think of the publicity. Kaufman-What publicity? G. D.-That's your problem. Hornbostel-(Waking up suddenly) What? Pond-How about a pledge? Parks-Who? Schrader-That's just it. I move we adjourn. G. D.-There's a motion ahead of you. Schrader-What? An improbable play about impossible people. G. D.-I don't remember, but there was one. An Dramatis Personae-Members of Dragon's Head, from I think that we should form a sister chapter, call i the head dragon, Biddinger, all the way through to the Scorpion's Sting, or something. tail dragon, Fox. Rensberger--I move that we form a sister chapter. G. D.-Motion carried. We'll make Mary Ellen Scene-the den of the Dragon's Head-an organization president of it, and coed sponsor for us. for those who belong to all other organizations, and who, Chorus-What! having no new worlds to conquer, created one. The cur- G. D.-Meeting's adjourned. tain discloses eight of the nine members assembled for Fox-(Enters as the group breaks up) What? their first meeting. (Curtain) Grand Dragon-(rapping for order) Listen, you muggs ought to know by this time how an organization is run. Let's get goin.' Where's Fox? Lesser Lizard-(probably Schrader) Oh, he'll be draggin' in in a minute. What's up for to-night? Grand Dragon-I can hardly suggest it from the chair, but I think that we should give a vote of thanks to the man whose foresight and determination is to blame for the founding of this club. Rensberger-I move that we give "Nobe" a vote of thanks. Grand Dragon Biddinger-Motion carried. Thanks, boys. Parks-Worthy Grand Dragon, may I ask first just what the purpose of this lodge is? I've been asked, and I hate to say that I don't know. G. D.-What? Weir-What's the object of all this? G. D.-What? Kaufman-What do you care, you're in, aren't you? Parks-You mean I'm out, four dollars and ninety-five cents worth of key. Pond-Well, gold's high, now. I move that we vote on "I'll knock once more and if they don't answer a man to bring our number up to an even ten. We haven't kick in the damn door." had any publicity lately. G. D.-What, no publicity! Then pledge a man, by all means. Or expel one. No, better pledge one. Rensberger-Who is there left, that we haven't asked. First Stude: Well, I have been in this class two mo that is deserving of the honor? and I can't figure out what all of this has to do with Parks-What honor? nomics. G. D.-What? Second Stude: No wonder. It's a class in English Weir-You know that there's really not much to this erature. -Exch 19 BORED WALK Faces of the Month

Bob Crasher

Ruth Turley Helen Marie Fulk

Ui Chas. Hornbostel Ul

* Bob Crasher. The scene is dent" more times per woman Ivan Fuqua says of him: "Best changing so rapidly that soon than anyone else in school with man this university ever saw." the ex-lads of the school will the possible exception of Mary All American; member of the find nothing familiar except Ellen Todd, to the great delight cross country team; in the pink the aroma from Owen Hall. of Dr. Hale of the English de- of condition for the coming Among the old landmarks that partment. She was Editor of season, and deserving of all will be only a memory next the "Student" during the last honor. spring is Bob Crasher, the summer session, is president of * Helen Marie Fulk, the little president of the Tottering Vet- Theta Sigma Phi, and recipient Memphis gal that helps Slim erans and the Best Dressed of toolittle photographic pub- Lamar draw the crowds into Man on the Campus. He has licity. In an effort to partially the Commons every afternoon, been in school since 1927, but correct this oversight, we pre- and to the dances around and has finally decided to graduate, sent her with this issue. about each week-end. She sang and in honor of the occasion, * Charles Hornbostel gains a frequently over Memphis radio we are presenting his picture place through his recent win- before coming here, made a big for a final evaluation. In spite ning of the 800 meter race at hit in Chicago during vacation, of his activity in the past, he the K. of C. meet in New York. and has developed "Changes" has either been too modest, too He is one of the most valuable into a face, voice and figure lazy, or too broke to get him- men on the track team, capable theme song that takes all the self Arbutused more than once at any distance from the quar- prizes. in the past five year-books;. so ter on up to the mile. This this may be your last chance to spring has been predicted by a Note: (Just in case you're see him in print. good authority as the time to interested) she is the first girl * Ruth Turley distinguishes her- mark his breaking of his own to sing regularly with a n y self by appearing in the "Stu- world's record in the half mile. Campus Band.-Advertisement. 20 JANUARY

From

junk heap and gathering together a group of the best swim- I~j9-ock(er mers in Indiana history in the face of apparently unsur- mountable odds, will introduce his aquatic charges shortly NRoom after the start of the semester. The mermen, after band- ing themselves together in the Dolphin club, have waged a victorious fight for sufficient funds to carry on, and need By only to show a fraction of this determination in their meets John Sembower to make the kind of showing that the fans will like. Charley Hornbostel gave a preview of what Indiana will have to offer in indoor track this year when he defeated a brilliant field, which included Gene Venzke, in easy fashion in the featured 800-meter event of the K. of C. games. The approaching Millrose and New York A. C. heralds the most dif- The opening of the new semester games will see Indiana men appearing on the boards, and winter sports season. ficult portion of Indiana university's rumors persist that Indiana trackmen may go to California itself in early The basketball team, after distinguishing in the late spring for a meet and broaden the already ex- fine possibilities, took season competition and revealing tensive field of competition the Hoosier thinlies compete in. a layoff for final examinations and rest following them and will not be seen in action until Wabash appears on the In- diana floor, Jan. 31. Indiana will have a score to settle in this game. The Cavemen humbled the Crimson 26-22 in the only non-Con- ference upset suffered by the Deanmen, and they won't be very good natured toward their Crawfordsville rivals. Coach Dean is drilling more and more of his famous fast breaking attack into his men, and the Hoosiers are becom- ing a faster stepping outfit as the days go by. For the first time in several years Indiana seems to have the material to show off to good advantage the tactics Coach Dean likes best. Vernon Huffman is playing the pivot and center positions as Branch McCracken used to do, and may restore the dynasty of fine centers such as McCracken and the unforgettable Jack Winston. The opening of the second semester athletic campaign is the signal for the swinging into action of three Indiana teams which have been rounding into shape rapidly. The national and Big Ten championship Indiana wrestling team In general Indiana's athletic outlook for the new school loom already has overcome an attack of infections and colds and semester is bright, and Western Conference prospects be one of should be in pretty good shape to go on the mat in the brighter than ever. The basketball race should opening meet here Jan. 20 against the University of Chi- the most torrid in recent years with a wealth of good ma- cago grapplers. terial in no less than five camps, and a lot of upsets ap- Fears that financial problems might force the curtailment parently in the offing. of the athletic program to such an extent that a fine wres- With the financial situation generally improving through- tling team might have to languish at home were set at ease out the country, the directors of Big Ten athletics are like- when the announcement of an eight-meet card with four ly to be surprised when they check over their figures o home appearances was released by Coach Billy Thom. earnings in basketball and the other indoor sports. Iowa Thom's enthusiasm in building up his wrestling team here is leading the parade in the way of large crowds with is catching and the matmen always manage to distinguish 20,000 spectators at its first two hardwood encounters, but likely to themselves, even if it is financial trouble they are wrestling. the rest of the Big Ten, and Indiana included, are Coach Bob Royer, after raising swimming out of the hear a gratifying clicking of the turnstiles this spring. BORED W ALK 21

A young sailor was cast away on a desert island. After CLASSIFIED ADS he had been there for nine years he espied a figure on a neighboring island. Braving the sharks, he swam there to find a sweet young woman awaiting him. Approaching her, U he said: "How long have you been here?" FOR QUICK RESULTS "Why, I've been here six years," she said. "Six years! Why, I've been on my island for nine long CALL AD TAKER 73971 years." "Why, you poor man, all alone for nine years! Well, I'm going to give you something you've been wanting for a Ask For Gertrude long time." Said the sailor: "Lady, you don't mean to tell me you've WANTED: University woman, attractive, popular (and got beer on ice!" unpinned, please), for a little contest in the near -Amherst Lord Jeff. future. Must be well known, liked and have other necessary qualifications. Pi Beta Phi House (Please do not apply unless you have between 56 "What sort of toothbrush do you want?" and 86 credit hours). "Lemme have a big one-there's thirty men in our fra- ternity." -Froth WANTED: One second-hand diplomat's uniform and one second-hand (yes, again) copy of "How to Brush up on Your Russian in one Short Month." Nobe B. 4888 How do you like my new dress? It reminds me of a popular theatre-standing room only. to act as BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY: For young man -Owl companion, secretary, and walking assistant (in- cludes scaring away mean dogs) to elderly man. * * * Geo. Jewett, Phi Gam BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY for right man. Send $2 for "Why do you suppose Kipling said he'd rather have a pipe than a woman?" my instruction book on how to clean up on Christ- mas seals and cards, Chinese book Matches, dance "Dunno, unless it's because it's easier to get a pipe hot." bands, Siwash "pass-outs," etc. Follow my plan for -Owl easy money. Ray E. Miller

FOR SALE: The following at specially reduced rates: One complete prom queen ensemble, one book on "How to be a Prom Queen." Call Eloise, 2165

FOR RENT: One instruction book, "How to be Popular with the Opposite Sex." (I've completed it). James Orlando Ballou

FOR SALE: One Junior Class presidency. It's not what it used to be, but who knows, it might come back. R. A. Cook, S A E

WANTED: Fraternity pin. Will not be particular as to owner. Live in town, have car, etc. Or what have you? Elise F. 6119 SITUATION WANTED: Body-guard; seven years ex- perience as gossip)-columnist's escort. Would like to locate in college town. Oscar Strongfort, Box 251, Chicago INSTRUCTIONAL SERVICES: Let us help you over- "Gee, granpa didn't you even kill a teeny weeny come your repressions. Be domineering, express your feelings. Learn how to protect yourself against Indian?" injury, insult, libel, slander, etc. Fifteen minutes a day. Jiujitsu in five easy lessons. Red Roadlie, Gen. Delivery 22 JANUA

" SEALING WAX by BOB MOORE

Objection (Over-ruled)

I'm getting tired of being wired For two-inch sound, of being bound, Prometheus-wise, to narrow skies. In four-foot beat my thoughts repeat, So that I say, in different way, The same thing over and over and over. I wish that I could write, for once, a line a whole page wide, but see How these columns limit me.

" " "

Prayer for the Abolition of Fish Day

A fish must live a lovely life; Perplexed by neither clothes nor wife Ambition Realized He swims or dozes at his will Or eats by strength of codicil. Where appearance is concerned His outlook varies with the tide; Thirty-four is just about His eyes are trained on either side Like the year we'd scarcely learned And if one view's confusing, say, To like before we rang it out. He calmly looks the other way. He makes his home north, south, or west, The funeral Wherever suits his fancy best; pyre of thirty-three, Candles He lives or loves or loafs or broods burned at either end, Is all that indicates to me According to his passing moods, That And is the captain of his soul some-I trust-have lost a friend. In creek or ocean, depth or shoal. I have been known, at time, to wish The chilly, dampish, leaden skies That I might have been born a fish; That I've been used to still persist, So that my life might be as tidy- And still, around me, mocking lies On any day, that is, but Friday. Slip evanescent through the mist.

* * * The sun still rises as before The days still pass, I'm just as broke, And I presume there are no more Lines on a Graham Cracker Folks to offer me a smoke.

I can rant and rave at will. The years are equal in my eyes, At tendencies to imbecile Except that New Year's Eve has gone Behind the actions of the lads Permitting me to realize Who give their hearts, and shirts and dad's- A legal headache with the dawn. To gain the favor of some miss'

In hopes of finding lasting bliss e e " In a kiss. Opportunity I've been known to offer proof That no simple minded goof The New Year offers me a chance Stands a ghostly chance for show For making sundry resolutions; With any woman that I know. No drink; no flyers in finance; A seeming day is always night- No cuts; no loans, no restitutions; Don't ask me to admit I'm right, More sleep, less sleep; more own, less borrow- Because I might. I'll make a list first thing tomorrow. BORED WALK 23

Winter Song WRONG NO!

You wake at night and toss and shiver, "Hello, Sugar, how's your conduct? . . . Oh, you know Congealed from cuticle to liver; who this is! It's old Araby himself, your big sandman! You wrap your knees around your neck I've got news for you. You're the lucky girl I'm dating Until your spinal cord's a wreck; tonight! . . . Now don't interrupt. I'll be there at eight You stretch out straight and touch a block sharp, so dust the parlor and get out the album.... Now, Of ice so cold that it would shock now, you listen; I'll do the talking! And give the folks some Insensible the probing toe sleeping powders, and your kid brother some prussic acid. Of a hardened Eskimo. I'm not selfish, but I like to keep myself for you, alone! You're cold above, beside, beneath; ... What ... Ugh! ... Is this you, Mrs. Thompson? Why, The brisk staccato of your teeth I thought you were Helen! Ha-Ha! May I talk to Helen, Punctuates the frozen air. please? . . . Hello! . . . Listen, Mrs. Thompson, I was just The only consolation there kidding you . . . Hello! Hello!" -Widow Is that your bed is just as warm As any other in the dorm. "0"6

She: "What shall I wear tonight, dear?" He: "Whatever you look best in, darling!" On the Futility of Traveling in a Circle She (vainly): "Oh, but I really should wear some clothes!" You drag yourself reluctant from -Exchange A peaceful bed and grit your teeth And let the tottering brain-cell hum And swear you'll win your laurel wreath Old Maid: Has the canary had its bath yet? And bust yourself into a niche Servant: Yes, ma'am. You can come in now. In the Hall of Fame before The sun-that noble demon which -Pell Mell Awakened you-has set once more. You bathe and dress and stagger off About the day's affairs, and think How very nice a cup of coff- Ee would fit in, or how a drink Would pep you up. You rush and sweat And miss your lunch, and end in doing Nothing much, while you forget Things that really should be done; And all the things that you had brewing Boil away before the sun Has ceased to offer you its light. Another futile day has gone; You welcome rest concealed in night And barely get to bed by dawn. You never have the slightest yen For doing the one thing you ought to, And that's beginning over again The way you know you've really got to.

"Jones, "Here's where I cut a good figure," said the college girl, the boys have decided they'd like Tiger Rag as she sat on a broken bottle. for a while." -Californian Engineer 24 JAN UAR

IT HAPPENED AT MIDNIGHT! "Twas indeed a strange procession. The lights burn dimly in a damp, ill-furnished room, situated somewhE in the heart of our state's capitol city. The door was su denly kicked open and the burly villain entered, shovi PLAY SAFE before him as abject an example of femininity as was e seen. She staggered, and nearly fell on the slimy flo, and it was apparent that she was suffering from pure, u adulterated fright. At the sight of her distress the heartle SEE THE NEW brute behind her laughed, and cried, "Aha! My pro beauty. I have you in, my power!" Oh, it was all ve melodramatic. He guided her toward a small door, opened it, and kick V-8 her inside. Then he turned to a rack on the wall whi was loaded down with weapons of various sorts. It w More Power plain to be seen that here, indeed, was a madman. ] chose a shiny axe from the collection of torture instr ments, hefted it, and stepped inside the small room w: More Speed the cowering innocent. For a brief moment his eyes rested on her, feasti Greater G as Mileage themselves upon her graceful figure which literally shout its youth and chastity to the world. His eyes were gliste ing--his breath came and went in short, gasping sobs. raised the axe-higher and higher-it poised in mid-air j Graham Motor Sales Co. a second and then crashed down to find its mark in I top of her skull. She gasped, and sank limply to the flo while the villain stepped back and watched her with sat v-8 v-8 faction in his eyes. Her childish brown eyes were turned to him for a br moment as she lay sprawled upon the floor. Two lone tee meandered slowly down her cheeks, and she opened I mouth as if to speak, but no words came. Her eyes, li limpid pools of misery, closed for a brief interval, and th IT'S reoponed to gaze passionately at him once more. The fie chuckled. MART Once more the axe rose and fell. This time the ke TO blade struck squarely between her eyes, and with a 1; gasping, tremulous, shudder, she died. He stepped ba and looked at her, satisfaction written across his angu DANCE features. But look! Perhaps vengeance is at hand! Behi AT him the door is opening slowly. Yes, she shall be avenge and the dreadful wrong righted, for peering through I crack we see the face of a man. Ah! The door is thro, wide and he steps inside, whipping from his belt a kni THE SODA 5HOP The villain whirls to confront the intruder. A gleam recognition appears in his eyes. ON "Hello, Bill! Here's some more veal for the hung thousands. Gee! There's a big demand for veal, ai SATURDAY there?" -Harry Campb

WITH I knew a girl named Passion, I asked her for a date; I took her out to dinner, MLIMLAMAR And gosh, how Passionate. -Fri and his BAND

Our idea of an optimist is the guy who sits in the 1 Indiana University Commons row of the gallery and winks at the chorus girls. -Rammer-Jame OREE W ALK 25 - KEY TO CROSSWORD PUZZLE

Horizontal.

1. Damn. 4. Cook. 7. If. 8. E. A. (Ettore Antonini). 9. Scram. 11. Each. 13. Self. 15. M. M. (Max Mainsfield). 16. Otii. 18. 1:

22. Rhin. 23. Cigarette.

Vertical.

1. Dikeman. This is our sensational new way to advertise-giving away 100 cash prizes totaling over $5 000.00-besides thousands in EXTRA cash rewards Not a cent of 2. A. F. (Aice Fry). your money needed now or ever to win $2,500.00. 3. NVichols. o- Can YOUI Fid 4 Dogs Tel in Picture Above? 4. Cras~her. Tell me quick! Some are upside down. Hundreds have won big cash rewards in other campaigns con- ducted by men in this firm. Here are a few: Anna 5. O. E. (Otis Edwards). WNJacobson, N.. J.-$5000.00, Dennis Beemer. Mich.- $z s $4,740.00, Mrs. Kate Needham. -Ore.-$4,705.00, I. Nystrom,. Ore.-$3,700.00. Helen Shick. Pa.- 6. Kai nman. $2,565.00. Now comes your chance. You are GUAR- ANTEED to win a cash reward if you take an active part. Not a lottery. No luck needed. Hurry-get 9. Sig Chi. started quick by finding 4 dogs. Not a cent of your money needed. In addition to giving Buick I will pay 10. Me. tO $O002, EXTRA 12. Am. for Pronptness to First Prize winner. Not only one person, bu hundreds will be rewarded. In case of ties, duplicate 14. La. prizes will be given. All the money to pay prizes is in I the Bankers Trust Co. at Des Moines. I invite you to look us up through any bank in Des Moines, any credit 17. 0. E. agency business house, magazine, newspaper, railroad IWON *UTE Q QUICK 19. Stag. ,.I Send no money. Mark dogs found, clip picture, mail quick-or write on penny post-card bow many dogs you find: -For replying. I ill tell you how you 20. Past. may also win big EXTRA cash rewards and $2,500.00 too. Answe NOW ! '1ell me which you.want to win- 24. L. R. (Last Roundup). Merrol~eimhsonMgr.1Dept. 000, e' Moines,1Iowa - - * willbe paidtoanyworthychar- iyif anyone can prove that we dotot really giveaway all these thousands of dollars in cash prizes-or that all this prize money is not on deposit in the bank. -" _

A ni and a small boy were riding in a train one day. ITpon entering, the boy had left the door open. Sh ol.Wd1 the man, "Get up and shut that damn door! Were you raised in a barn?" Home Laundry. The boy arose, closed the door, returned to his seat, and began crying. The man felt a bit remorseful and went over DRY CLEANING to the boy.

"Son, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," he said softly. Rug Cleaning

"Oh, you didn't hurt my feelings," said the boy, "but I Moth Proofing

was raised in a barn and every time I hear a jackass bray 309 South Lincoln Phone 6344 it makes me homesick."-Juggler. 26

IN INDIANAPOLIS

Ideally located in the heart of downtown shops HOTEL WASHINGTON is just a step from everything worth while. OR at least three weeks now we've been suffering from th dread malady Examinitis. We've awakened in the middle c Single Rooms, the night from visions of being smothered in a shower of blan blue books all marked with great red "F's." We twitch and tur With bath ------$2.00 a lovely grey green whenever we hear Without bath ------the word Finals. For days we've been 1.50 actually praying for a broken right arm or a touch of measles, but here it is the day before and we haven't so much as Double Rooms, sprained an eyebrow. There's nothing cN left for us to do now but to find out the With bath ..... $3.50 up color of the textbook from some fellow sufferer and breeze over to the twentieth \ century inquisition. After all, wasn't it Tablecloth Cafeteria Thomas Jefferson who tweeped, "Four from 7 A. M. to 2 P. M. score and seven years from now you won't give a damn whether you flunked English Literature 314; so what the hell." Cafe Service from 5 P. M. to The supreme insult to the I. Q.s of 8 P. M. 50 & 75c. American people in general is the abun- dance of hill billy programs on the radio. It's gotten so tha whenever we turn on the radio at least three-fourths o: Garage Service the stations are playing "She'll be Comin' Roun' th' Mountain" o: At some other equally inane and unmelodious ditty. In fact, on our Hotel Entrance own little four-tuber we can tune in 10 stations. But we con sistently get this mountain moaning at 13 places on the dial. Onl3 the other day we discovered that the 3 extra places weren't sta. Washington tions, or hill billy programs, but simply violent static areas. Al "truthfully a of which brings us to the conclusion hotel" that if all the hill billy (socalleglJ Habtgood A . musicians were laid end to end, .. . .they wouldn't be able to play HApP Y. their fiddles and the world would bi a far more pleasant place to live in been barging past that noblh r structure,We've the Wellhouse for a num, ber of years now and some way o other the old thought factory ha: failed to fathom its reason for being there. Once during our long and bene- ficial scholastic career do we remem HE MID-LAND PRESS offers to ber stopping at the glorified part and student organizations bench for a gulp of gurgle. The feebl< TBstudents stream that rolled out of the fountain a thorough and sympathetic understanding- of their satisfied our thirst just about as muel printing and publishing problems. as if we'd opened our mouth in gentle spring shower. And to top i Fraternities and sororities will find a helpful serv- all off, in our struggle to get a feu ice in the issuance of chapter or national publica- drops of drip, we slipped off the peda and cracked three molars on the edge of the basin. Hence, we tions. have a suggestion to make. With all the other improvements on the campus underway why not try to make the Wellhouse useful It will be a special privilege to help work out a as wellhouse ornamental? Many's the time we've buzzed past the format on prospective publications. spot on the way to an eight o'clock after getting up, just in time to miss breakfast. If an extension of the You are invited to visit our plant or to submit cafeteria could be installed there, just - your problems for suggestions and quotations. fancy how pleasant it would be to be able to reach out a hand, snatch a hot- T p Q dog and continue the mad scramble to- wards Kirkwood without slackening pace. Ever since we first came to this burg we've wondered why Noah got so much publicity because it rained on him for forty days and forty nights. We've been here for three years and it seems that it's been raining from the moment we 4. first hopped off the Monon, but no one's offered to write our biography. When we SAMUEL R.GUARD 6 PANY INC., PRINTERS AND PUBLISHERS walk to class we feel precisely the same as we did in our younger days when we t,, waded barefoot in the gutter until a chagrinned parent yanked us out and thwacked us on the thwack- ing place. The sad part about the whole thing is that there isn't quite enough water for boats. We're SPENCER . . INDIANA all in favor of damming up the Jordan to provide enough water so that we can paddle to class in a canoe. And wouldn't it be slick to hire a gondola to take you to the Union building for the Prom? MAXWELL J. HALL.