JAN/FEB 2006 • TEVES/SHEVAT 5766 VOL. XXXIX NO . 1 USA $5.95 (Outside NY area $6.95) Foreign $7.95 SUBSCRIBE TO THE JEWISH OBSERVER! CLICK HERE CLICK HERE FOR TABLE OF CONTENTS This is the full Table of Contents of the print edition of the Jewish Observer. The web edition contains only a selection of articles (indicated in COLOR). Click on the title to go to the beginning of that article. Navigate using your browser’s menu and other options. THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) 0021-6615 is published KIDS AT RISK – AN OVERUSED PHRASE? monthly except July & August by the Agudath Israel of America 7 7 INTRODUCTION 42 Broadway, New York, NY 10004. Periodicals postage paid in New DEALING WITH THE PROBLEM: AN UPDate York, NY. Subscription $25.00/year; 2 years, $48.00; 3 years, $$69.00. 8 MY SON ON THE REBOUND, Mrs. Pasternitzky Outside of the United States (US funds drawn on a US bank 11 WHY ARE THERE STILL CHILDREN AT RISK? only) $15.00 surcharge per year. Yosaif Asher Weiss Single copy $$3.50; Outside NY area $3.95; foreign $4.50. 17 A DECADE OF AT-RISK EFFORT INSPIRES HOPE FOR THE POSTMASTER: FUTURE, Rabbi Shaya Cohen Send address changes to: The Jewish Observer 21 THE PIERCED TEEN IN THE LOBBY, Rabbi Yakov Horowitz 42 Broadway, NY, NY 10004 Tel 212-797-9000, Fax 646-254-1600 23 INSIGHT INTO THE DROPOUT PHENOMENON, a review Printed in the USA article (Off the Derech, by Faranak Margolese), by Rabbi Nisson Wolpin, Editor Avrohom Meir Gluck Editorial Board Rabbi Joseph Elias, Chairman OF PREVENTIONS AND SOLUTIONS Rabbi Abba Brudny Joseph Friedenson 34 26 “AT LEAST WE SHOULD SAVE OUR CHILDREN,” BASED Rabbi Yisroel Meir Kirzner Rabbi Nosson Scherman ON AN ADDRESS BY RABBI MATISYAHU SALOMON, Prof. Aaron Twerski Rabbi Yoseif Reinman Founders 30 “IT’S 3:00 PM. (10:00 PM IN YERUSHALAYIM). Dr. Ernst L. Bodenheimer Z”L Rabbi Moshe Sherer Z”L DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR TEEN-AGE SON AND Management Board DAUGHTER ARE?” Rabbi Aryeh Z. Ginzberg Naftoli Hirsch, Isaac Kirzner, UR HILDREN REATED QUAL UT OT THE AME Rabbi Shlomo Lesin, 34 O C : C E , B N S , David Singer, Nachum Stein Mrs. Leah Steinberg Managing Editor 40 A GENERATION AT-RISK: ARE BNEI TORAH IN THE Rabbi Yosef C. Golding WORKPLACE IMMUNE? Debbie Maimon Published by Agudath Israel of America ALSO: U.S. Trade Distributor Feldheim Publishers 47 LETTERS FROM RABBI MORDECHAI GIFTER l”xz, 208 Airport Executive Park Nanuet, NY 10954 54 WRITTEN IN HIS YOUTH, Dr. Yitzchok Levine British Representative 50 HALACHIC DECISIONS, Yehudah Levi M.T. Bibelman Grosvenor Works 54 ENCOUNTERS WITH GEDOLEI YISROEL: CHAZON ISH, Mount Pleasant Hill London E5 9NE, ENGLAND THE MAN AND HIS VISION, Rabbi Shlomo Lorincz, french representative prepared for publication by Yonoson Rosenblum Rabbi Bamberger 21 Boulevard Paixhans 57000 Metz, FRANCE ON THE AGENDA israeli representative 52 THE WINK OF THE IGUANA, Rabbi Yisrael Rutman Intnl. Media Placement POB 7195 / 97 Jaffa Road Jerusalem 94340, ISRAEL BOOK REVIEW belgian representative 60 SAYING GOODBYE, BY NEAL C. GOLDBERG, PH.D. Mr. E. Apter Lange Kievitstr. 29 AND MIRIAM LIEBERMAN, C.S.W., reviewed by 2018 Antwerp, BELGIUM Mrs. Judy Kaiser south african representative THE JEWISH OBSERVER does not assume Mr. V. Taback responsibility for the Kashrus of any product, PO Box 51552, 61 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Raedene, Johannesburg publication, or service advertised in its pages 2124 SOUTH AFRICA NDEX OF UBJECTS AND UTHORS © Copyright 2006 64 I S A , australian representative Dr. A. Dinnen VOLUME XXXVIII, NOS. 1-10 77 Birriga Road January/February 2006 / VOLUME XXXIX Bellevue Hill, NSW 2023, AUSTRALIA NO. 1 SUBSCRIBE TO THE JEWISH OBSERVER! CLICK HERE. The Jewish Observer KIDS AT RISK – An Overused Phrase? Introduction When The Jewish Observer devoted of the new awareness and interest, to the topic once more. Some readers an entire issue to the theme “Children on Agudath Israel of America expanded might well respond: “Kids at Risk… the Fringe… And Beyond” in November Project Y.E.S., which is dedicated to deal- Again?” No, not “again.”… Still. It does 1999, it achieved an unprecedented ing with Children-at-Risk, and arranging not go away that quickly. circulation (over 20,000 additional cop- for mentoring for those who can ben- In preparing to return to the subject, ies were printed and sold), followed efit from it (… and there are many). In we found it worthy of a rarely employed by another issue featuring a Readers’ addition, we are gratified that there has “Special Double Issue,” wherein we will Forum as well as additional articles on been much broader recognition of the offer insights on the progress being the subject in March 2000. problem, with sensitivities raised and made – as experienced and reported The extraordinary reaction was both initiatives taken by many others. by people on the frontlines – as well as encouraging – people care! – and As part of this new awareness, a series proposals for prevention and solution. intimidating – is the problem that of forums dedicated to the topic was We hope that the attention The widespread? While we do not offer a held at the recent National Convention Jewish Observer – and its loyal reader- scientific survey of the situation, we can of Agudath Israel of America, which ship – give to this topic will continue safely surmise that people have become actually inspired much of the discussion to increase the sense of urgency of the keenly aware and deeply concerned, in this issue. problems we face, while curtailing their which was our goal. Indeed, in the wake Thus, now, six years later, we return continued spread. N.W. 7 JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2 0 0 6 I. Dealing with the Problem: An Update Rochel Pasternitzky My Son on the Rebound “Kids-at-Risk” or “Kids-in-Pain”? A Process That Could back backfired. Tough love didn’t work. I Cried For Both of Us Take Five Years Neither did begging, manipulation, consequences or coercion. None of y crumbling life began to ears ago, I cried to anyone who these brought the slightest change in change when The Jewish seemed to be in a position to attitude, behavior or attire. Nothing MObserver “Kids at Risk” issue Yhelp. No rabbi, professional, or worked – he drifted further and further arrived in November 1999. Countless friend could fathom the depths of my away until he was completely “off the times, I read and reread the poignant pain or comprehend the desperation derech,” hardly recognizable as the son opening article, “Thoughts of a Mother,” of my daily existence. Well-meaning we had reared. and each time, I cried, for both of us. friends covertly questioned my parent- I was just an ordinary mother… Had she read my mind? Her expressions ing skills. I couldn’t comprehend how with an extraordinary amount of pain of pain and despair, hopes and dreams this had occurred! Our children were searing through my heart, unlike any I were mine, as well. Her tefillos were my protected from the outside world in a had ever known. Isolated and alone, I tefillos. We shared the same incompre- safely-sealed home environment. I had couldn’t imagine ever laughing again. hensible challenges of motherhood. always tried to be a good mother and “Hashem” I cried, “What went wrong? How I longed to sit and talk (and cry!) to do all the right things. What do I do now? Please help me, and with her. My son – beloved and bright, please, please return to me my precious Then it hit me. If she and I shared charming and charismatic – showed son!” The hopelessness and helplessness common feelings, thoughts and experi- early signs of teenage rebellion. Soon, were overwhelming. ences regarding our children, then surely yeshiva was exchanged for pool halls as It’s a process, we were told; it could (unfortunately), hundreds more moth- religious observance steadily declined. take five years. (Five years? Each pain- ers could likewise relate. I dreamed of He chose a different derech – the low filled day felt like an eternity!) We uniting desperate, frum mothers of off road – from the one intended. All were encouraged to implement the 4 the derech kids around the world. The attempts to “fix” him, and bring him C’s – Compassion, Communication, dream became my passion and a very “Rochel Pasternitzky,” MSW, has been coun- Connecting, and giving up Controlling. realistic, yet formidable, challenge. How seling parents of “at-risk” teens for several Most importantly – unconditional love to begin? years. She is the founder of chizukandcoach- – to love him……no matter what! And An email support group seemed [email protected] and can be reached to always keep the front door open. to be the obvious answer, though a through the JO office. We did. few, not-so-minor obstacles presented 8 The Jewish Observer themselves. First of all, I was techni- shared with Rabbi Wolpin were included They demonstrated their care by “being cally challenged. I considered it a major in the follow-up “Readers Respond” there” – listening to him with respect triumph each time I successfully logged March 2000 issue (pages 6 and 29). and understanding and supporting him on to a computer. Furthermore, though Last week, I called Rabbi Wolpin with kindness and genuine love. They I knew email list-servers (mailing lists) again with an update. “Dovie’s” mother bonded on a neshama level and never existed, I was clueless about beginning recently burst into tears of joy and tried to change him. They appreciated and coordinating one. Yet, filled with inspiring support from mechanchim, colleagues and friends, I proceeded.