THE THE Adar I 5763 • February 2003 JJewishewish U.S.A. $3.50/Foreign $4.50 • VOL XXXVI/NO. 2 OOBSERBSERVERVER

CLICK HERE FOR TABLE OF CONTENTS THEJJewishewish Adar I 5763 • February 2003 OOBSERBSERVERVER U.S.A.$3.50/Foreign $4.50 • VOL XXXVI/NO. 2

THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) 0021-6615 is published monthly except July and August by the Agudath Israel This is the full Table of Contents of the print edition of the of America, 42 Broadway, New York, NY10004. Periodicals postage paid in Jewish Observer.The web edition contains only a selection of New York, NY. Subscription $24.00 per articles (indicated in color). Click on the title to go to the year; two years, $44.00; three years, $60.00. Outside of the United States (US beginning of that article. Navigate using your browser’s menu funds drawn on a US bank only) $12.00 surcharge per year. Single copy $3.50; and other options. foreign $4.50. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: The Jewish Observer, 42 Broadway, NY., NY. 10004. Tel: 212-797-9000, Fax: 646-254-1600. Printed in the U.S.A. 5 Remembering the Columbia

RABBI NISSON WOLPIN, EDITOR HE SRAELI LECTIONS EDITORIAL BOARD T I E JOSEPH ELIAS Chairman 6 The Rise of Tommy Lapid and His Shinui Party RABBI ABBA BRUDNY Yonoson Rosenblum JOSEPH FRIEDENSON RABBI YISROEL MEIR KIRZNER RABBI PROF. AARON TWERSKI 15 Solomon’s Nightmare: Custody Disputes in Divorce DR. ERNST L. BODENHEIMER Z”L RABBI Z”L Cases, Dr. Sylvan Schaffer Founders 19 Don’t Judge the Book by its Cover, Rabbi Yaakov Yosef Reinman MANAGEMENT BOARD AVI FISHOF, NAFTOLI HIRSCH 21 Piercing the Dark of Night: Remembering the Illuy, ISAAC KIRZNER, RABBI SHLOMO LESIN NACHUM STEIN Rabbi Mordechai Pogromansky, l”xz RABBI YOSEF C. GOLDING Managing Editor Rabbi Eliyahu Berney

Published by 31 From the Depths, a Zest for Life, Agudath Israel of America Rabbi Hillel Goldberg U.S. TRADE DISTRIBUTOR ISRAELI REPRESENTATIVE Feldheim Publishers Intnl. Media Placement 33 When the Priceless Gets Priced Out, 200 Airport Executive Park POB 7195 / 5 Even Israel Nanuet, NY 10954 , ISRAEL Mrs. Barbara Bensoussan BRITISH REPRESENTATIVE BELGIAN REPRESENTATIVE M.T. Bibelman Mr. E. Apter Grosvenor Works Lange Kievitstr. 29 Mount Pleasant Hill 2018 Antwerp BOOKS IN REVIEW London E5 9NE, ENGLAND BELGIUM 36 “If There’s Anything I Can Do…” by Rebecca Bram FRENCH REPRESENTATIVE SOUTH AFRICAN Rabbi Bamberger REPRESENTATIVE Feldbaum, reviewed by Reva Rubenstein 21 Boulevard Paixhans Mr. V. Taback 57000 Metz PO Box 51552, FRANCE Raedene, Johannesburg 2124 SOUTH AFRICA SWISS REPRESENTATIVE 37 Letters-to-the-Editor Mr. S. Feldinger Leimanstrasse 36 4051 Basel, SWITZERLAND About the cover: The safety and security of Eretz Yisroel and its inhabitants are depend- THE JEWISH OBSERVER does not assume responsibility for the Kashrus ent on the study of Torah, as we find in the :Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi said, of any product, publication, or service “What is the meaning of: ‘Our feet were standing in your gates, Jerusalem’? (Tehillim advertised in its pages 122,2) Who caused us to prevail in battle? The gates of Jerusalem – wherever they were © Copyright 2003 engaged in the study of Torah.” Makkos 10a.

February 2003 Cover photo courtesy of Ponevezh , Bnei Brak. Photo on page 6, courtesy of VOLUME XXXVI/NO. 2 SUBSCRIBE TO THE JEWISH OBSERVER. CLICK HERE. We join the American public, as well as the world over, in mourning the terrible loss of human lives in the Colum- bia disaster, wherein the space shuttle car- rying seven astronauts, including Ilan Ramon h”i, an Israeli, disintegrated over Texas on Saturday, February 1. We take special note of the emphasis that Ilan Ramon, not known to have been observant in his personal life, focused on the Jewish aspect of his identity. It seemed that he recognized that in the eyes of the world, he functioned not only as an ambassador at large for the State of Israel, but, in effect, was also a represen- tative of Klal Yisroel. As such, he took pains to demonstrate that the essence of Klal Yisroel is most faithfully conveyed by adherence to the laws of kashrus,as reflected in his diet; the personal memen- tos he took aboard with him – includ- ing a mezuza and a small Sefer Torah entrusted to him by a Holocaust survivor who had used it at his bar mitzva in a concentration camp; his acknowledge- ment of the advent of Shabbos; and a stir- ring declaration of “Shema Yisroel, Hashem Elokainu Hashem Echad!” when the Columbia passed over Jerusalem – a declaration of Kiddush Hashem heard throughout the world. This tragic episode has moved even ostensibly irreligious people, Jew and gentile, to recognize, as they cast their gaze to the skies, the Hand of the Cre- ator in determining the fate of man’s dreams and aspirations. The President of the United States was inspired to say: In the skies today we saw destruction (What a pity that Kol Yisrael and and tragedy. Yet farther than we can see Galei Tzahal – Israel’s national radio net- there is comfort and hope. In the words works – in line with their general rejec- of the prophet Isaiah,“Lift your eyes and tion of broadcasting religious thought look to the heavens: Who created all and sentiments, chose, in their report- these? He who brings out the starry hosts ing of the President’s remarks, to excise one by one, and calls them each by name. precisely these noble sentiments from Because of His great power and mighty the full text of his speech!) strength, not one of them is missing.” We pray that soon we will merit to The same Creator who names the witness fulfillment of the Prophet’s stars also knows the names of the vision, “Ki miTzion…. The Torah will seven souls we mourn today. come forth from Zion and the word of The crew of the shuttle Columbia Hashem from Jerusalem” (Isaiah 2,3) – did not return safely to Earth. Yet we neither filtered nor impeded, but can pray that all are safely home. May amplified and expounded by Jewish G-d bless the grieving families, and may media, for the benefit of Jewish ears, G-d continue to bless America. Jewish hearts, and Jewish neshamos. ■

The Jewish Observer, February 2003 5 THE ISRAELI ELECTIONS Yonoson Rosenblum

What it Portends, What We Must Do Reuters I. SHINUI’S PLANS FOR of Israeli politics brought Shinui six Even though Sharon remains the over- THE CHAREIDIM Knesset seats with his non-stop attacks whelming choice of the electorate for on the chareidi community. prime minister, only 26% of those polled wo stories dominated the recent Prior to the recent elections, The New believe he has a solution to Palestinian Israeli elections. First, Israeli vot- York Times and Newsweek both profiled terrorism. Confidence in his economic Ters bid adieu to the Oslo process, Lapid, and the Jerusalem Report put him leadership is no higher. An electorate that at least as long as Yasser Arafat still heads on its cover with the caption “The Power sees no hope of either major party solv- the Palestinian Authority. The parties Broker.”After Shinui captured 15 seats ing the most pressing problems con- most closely identified with Oslo – Labor in the election, the description as 1 and Meretz – were reduced to a total of “power broker” could not be dismissed, As of this writing, it is still too early to know whether Sharon will find a way to bring Shinui 25 seats, and the Likud, under Prime and indeed Prime Minister Sharon was into a government with one or more of his tra- Minister Ariel Sharon, a staunch oppo- quick to call Lapid and ask him to join ditional religious party allies, especially as Shinui nent of Oslo from the beginning, the new government coalition. has ruled out joining a coalition with any charei- jumped to 38 seats, making it Israel’s Shinui has always been known as a di parties, except during a national emergency, and its platform is anathema to the National Reli- dominant party to a degree not seen one-issue party, and that issue is “stop- gious Party as well. since the old days of Labor hegemony. ping the chareidim.”Still, it would be a 2 In order to wrest control of the Likud Central The other major story was the meteoric mistake to attribute the entire swell of Committee from his chief rival Binyamin rise of Tommy Lapid’s virulently anti- support for Shinui to hardcore anti-reli- Netanyahu, Prime Minister Sharon engineered religious Shinui Party1.The Lapid phe- gious voters. Widespread disgust with a massive registration drive of new party mem- nomenon serves as an important warn- the Likud corruption scandals caused bers to choose a new Central Committee. That Central Committee then picked the list of Likud ing to the chareidi community of certain some voters who were intending to vote Knesset candidates. Much evidence has accu- long-range social trends in Israel. for Likud to look elsewhere2.For most mulated that families with close connections to Almost defunct four years ago, of those voters, Labor, with its platform organized crime acted as voting contractors in Shinui revived its fortunes by choosing of unconditional negotiations and uni- the registration drive and then used their con- trol over blocs of Central Committee members Lapid to head its list in the 1999 elec- lateral withdrawal, was not an option. to solicit bribes from candidates in the Likud tions. The outspoken “Archie Bunker” Many drifted to Shinui for want of any internal primaries. alternative. In addition to the vote-buying scandals in the Rabbi Rosenblum,who lives in Jerusalem, is a A wave of national despair over the Likud itself, the police are currently investigat- ing a number of allegations against Prime contributing editor to The Jewish Observer.He possibility of finding any solutions to the is also director of the Israeli division of Am Echad, Minister Sharon and his sons. Those investiga- the Agudath Israel-inspired educational outreach security situation or the current eco- tions were the subject of massive press coverage effort and media resource. nomic doldrums further helped Shinui. during the campaign.

6 The Jewish Observer, February 2003 fronting the country feels freer to indulge demands repeal of the Tal Law, which Also last summer, Shinui’s number- itself in the pleasure of “sticking it”to the for the first time formalized in legisla- two man, Yossi Paritzky, fired off a let- chareidim by voting for Shinui. tion the draft deferment for yeshiva stu- ter to Ha’aretz urging that the state of Whatever the reasons that voters have dents, and the institution of civil mar- Israel should not permit any religious moved to Shinui, those voters must at riage – first for those couples unable to judges. The cause of his ire – an opin- least be comfortable with the party’s vir- marry religiously, and later for all cou- ion by Stephen Adler, Chief Judge of the ulent anti-chareidi line.3 Though Lapid ples who prefer a civil marriage. Labor Court, in which he ruled that has made some attempts recently to flesh Shabbos under the statute governing out his views on other issues, Shinui’s Playing the Hate Card “Days of work and rest” begins at sun- raison d’etre remains its anti-chareidi down and not at midnight, as a Tel Aviv agenda. That agenda consists of two apid does not confine himself to district court had ruled.5 parts. The first – a plan to “dry out” the his issues. He seeks to arouse a vis- Ignoring the fact that two non-reli- chareidi community by cutting off gov- Lceral hatred of chareidim, and gious judges had joined in Adler’s opin- ernment subsidies to individuals and delights in expressing his contempt for ion, Paritzky argued that the opinion institutions who do not toe the line. The every aspect of Jewish tradition. Shinui’s could only be explained by the yarmulke second – a dramatic reordering of the number two man Yossi Paritzky has even that Adler wears. In his anti-religious religious status quo. introduced Knesset legislation to keep frenzy, Paritzky led himself into an obvi- Shinui’s Knesset leader Avraham stores open on , the one day ous absurdity: according to his reading Poraz recently outlined for Ha’aretz the viewed as sancrosanct by virtually all of the statute, all businesses would have party’s legislative agenda upon entering Israeli Jews. to remain closed on Motza’ei Shabbos the government. “First of all, we’ll One of Shinui’s campaign handouts until midnight. demand everything that does not shows a baby in a crib surrounded by One wonders whether Lapid and Par- require legislation: an end to pay- seafood and pork. The baby boasts, “I itzky would be dismayed to find that ments to fictitious yeshivos, an end to eat what I want when I want it. That their fulminations against religious payments to . In short, we want means I exist.” immigrants and judges only serve to to end the preferential treatment of the Shinui shamelessly traffics in the same prove the rabbinic dictum, “Hatred chareidim. We’ll immediately dry up stereotypes of haredim that anti-Semites breaks all protocol.” that flow of funding.” Lapid proposes once employed vis-à-vis all Jews. Lapid’s a complete cut off of funding to charei- portrayal of kashrus certification, for II. WHAT HAPPENS NOW di schools unless they agree to a core instance, as a tax on consumers – rather curriculum of math, English, history, than as an advertising expense designed y the time this issue of The Jew- Zionism and citizenship.4 to lower per unit costs by increasing ish Observer arrives, the coalition The second part of the Shinui agen- demand – can be found today on neo- Bnegotiations to form a new gov- da includes abolishing the Religious Nazi websites as well. After the Dolphi- ernment will likely be completed and Affairs Ministry, government financing narium homicide bombing in which over Prime Minister Sharon will have chosen of the Conservative and Reform move- 20 young immigrants from the FSU – one of the two major options facing him ments, and an order by the Trans- many of them not Jewish – were killed, the morning after the elections. Either portation Minister ending the ban on Lapid filled the airwaves on Shabbos with he will have opted for a narrow coali- public transportation on Shabbos.Those pure incitement. He charged, without any tion of the Likud’s traditional allies initiatives can all be achieved without basis, that the burial society had refused among the right-wing and religious par- any new legislation. to bury the victims and compared the ties or a grand “secular coalition” of On the legislative front, Shinui burial society to the Islamic jihad: “The Likud, Labor and Shinui. The latter 3 The past two and a half years of warfare with Islamic jihad attacks live youths while the would be the first Israeli government the Palestinians inevitably bring the issue of the burial society strikes at dead youths by without religious representation. Com- draft deferment for yeshiva students to the fore, refusing to bury them.” plicating matters for Sharon is the fact and that pattern has been exacerbated by the sig- Last summer, Israelis were inspired that Labor leader Amram Mitzna says nificant increase in reserve duty for those who serve in the army. when a group of 400 North Americans Labor will not sit in a national unity 4 Economic dependence on the government has made aliya in the midst of the ongoing government led by Likud, and Shinui long been the point of vulnerability for the charei- violence and deepening recession. Not insists it will not sit with any chareidi di educational system. Sooner or later that Lapid. He told an interviewer from a parties. Of the latter promise, at least, dependence virtually assured that conditions Florida newspaper, “Quite frankly, we can be sure. would be placed on government support. Of late, proposals for curricular changes in the chadorim Israel could do without [religious Even if Shinui once again finds itself and yeshivos ketanos have come from Likud Edu- North American Jews].”Even the sacred outside the governing coalition, how- cation Minister Limor Livnat, not just from cow of immigration did not cause him 5 All Israeli holidays, including secular ones like Shinui. to bite his tongue. Independence Day, begin and end at sunset.

The Jewish Observer, February 2003 7 ever, it would be a serious mistake to In the area of dramatic cuts in the families headed by full-time Torah stu- believe that its influence will not be felt. social transfer payments, it appears dents are designed to parallel unem- The other major parties will attempt in inevitable that the next government will ployment insurance, they too will be cut, various ways to appropriate the issues move in the direction of Shinui. As the perhaps drastically. Child support pay- that Lapid has popularized.6 Running poorest sector of the population, the ments, which make up a considerable against the chareidim has long been con- chareidi community will feel these cuts portion of the chareidi family budget, are sidered the safest and surest path for cur- most intensely. The previous govern- also prime targets for the budget cutters. rying public favor. The rise of Shinui will ment was forced to cut billions of shekels The dramatic cuts in chareidi fam- only reinforce the popular political from the budget in the middle of the fis- ily budgets are likely to be accompanied wisdom. cal year due to plummeting tax revenues, by severe cuts in government payments and experts unanimously predict that to the major chareidi institutions. billions more will be have to be cut from Already, funding for students in yeshi- AREIVIM the just passed 2003 budget because of va gedola under the age of 18 has been the declining economic situation. stopped – a particularly serious blow to HOTLINE Globalization has made it unthinkable the Chassidic yeshivos.The Education that any country, Israel included, can Ministry has also proposed limiting From crisis to control. continue to incur large budget deficits. funding of yeshivos ketanos to only those Helping our boys and girls To do so would lead to a downgrading with over 150 students – a virtual null of Israel’s international credit rating and set. With the education budget to be cut Parents: 1-866-6AREIVIM the implosion of the economy. The Inter- by hundreds of millions of shekels, Teens: 1-866-OURGUYS national Monetary Fund imposes budg- chareidi institutions can expect to Email: [email protected] et austerity on poorer countries seeking share proportionately in this cut, and All calls are confidential. its aid, and even the economically they will consider themselves fortunate lknhkt hcm ic iuhm ic b’’gk advanced countries of Western Europe to do that well. are subjected to steep fines by the Euro- In short, for reasons only partially pean Union if they incur budget deficits related to Shinui’s proposals for “drying New Tapes on in excess of 3% of Gross National Prod- out” the chareidi community, thousands uct. These iron rules of economics will of families may find their personal Melachim Beis not be suspended for Israel. income diminishing dramatically just as Finance Minister Silvan Shalom has tuition costs increase sharply. Interpreting The Message made increasing the rate of the partici- /The Unique Belt pation in the labor force – Israel’s is the III. WHAT CAN WE DO? Appreciating our Mentors lowest in the industrialized world – the Observe the Righteous centerpiece of his economic plan. His ypically, the chareidi communi- Activating Hashem’s Blessing goal is to break patterns of generation- ty was slow to recognize the A New Lease on Life to-generation poverty in much the same magnitude of the threat posed by What Can You Lose? T way that the Clinton welfare reforms did Lapid. Once again, we find ourselves 1 free sample tape upon request in America. Accordingly, cuts in unem- responding to a situation of vital inter- 3 tapes for $18, 6 for $32, ployment insurance, and onerous con- est at five minutes to midnight, if not with free booklet ditions on recipients, occupy pride of five minutes after midnight. Yeshiva Fund Box 82 place in his budget slashing plans. Since An overall strategy for dealing with Staten Island, NY 10309 the income supplement payments the Lapid phenomena would first received by approximately 10,000 poor address the anti-religious hostility of the Israeli media. With the sole exception of Applications now being accepted for Elul 5763 / August 2003 6 Holland provides a good example of this process. Prior to the 2000 Dutch elections, Pim The Rabbi Naftali Riff Fortyn broke a longstanding taboo by making the threat of Moslem immigration to Dutch socie- Yeshiva ty and culture the centerpiece of his campaign. The success of the eponymous Fortyn List Rabbinical College – High School (named after Fortyn, who was assassinated in the course of the campaign) led every Dutch party SOUTH BEND, INDIANA in the recent January 23 election to place restric- For more information, contact Rabbi Yisrael Gettinger tions on immigration and the preservation of Holland’s national character at the top of their Telephone (574) 291-4239 Fax (574) 291-9490 electoral agendas.

8 The Jewish Observer, February 2003 the Jerusalem Post, there is not one paper from the government a disproportion- budgets, is required to refute the in the country with a regular chareidi ate share of the national resources. claim of chareidi extortion. A few such columnist. Not surprisingly, Lapid and Shinui had Hareidi, Inc., a book-length studies have been made on the local Shinui have received almost a free ride “exposé” of this phenomenon by level, including one dealing with the in the mainstream Israeli press. Lapid Ha’aretz journalist Shahar Ilan, trans- Jerusalem education budget. The has been treated as the celebrity of the lated into Russian and distributed in the study of Jerusalem’s educational budg- election season, and his party turned Russian-speaking community. Among et demonstrated that contrary to the into the “hip” party of the smart set. Ilan’s fantastic charges is the claim that popular perception chareidi schools Only Ha’aretz has openly criticized the average chareidi family is subsidized are the victims of significant dis- Lapid – not because of his anti-charei- by the state to the tune of 17,000 shekels crimination. Many such similar stud- di tirades, of course, but because he is (over $35,000) monthly. So far no full- ies, however, are required, if the siphoning off the traditional anti-reli- scale refutation or analysis of Ilan’s data chareidi community wishes to gious vote from the paper’s preferred has been undertaken though the book respond effectively to either popular party, Meretz. has been widely cited in Israel. perceptions or those of Treasury A full-page headline in last week’s A systematic, professional analysis budget-cutters. Once again no fund- Ma’ariv proclaiming “Seculars attacked of the national budget, as well as local ing has been forthcoming to do such on the streets of Bnei Brak,”will briefly indicate the extent of the press problem. Back after its 1st The article begins: “It is not recom- Digest of Meforshim Successful Year! mended for secular Jews to walk on the for the 16-17 yr-old bachur streets of Bnei Brak at night, lest they yjvkl rtb yjvkl Bethel be beaten by a private security compa- l”xz rijla lavms g”hrhm ny hired by residents of the city.” The Available at Livestock Farm clear implication is that Bnei Brak has LEKUTEI Farm & Wildnerness Summer Program hired a security company to keep secu- c/o Yitzchok Rosenberg Learn under Rabbi 4-84-8 lar Jews off its streets. 1445 54th Street WeeksWeeks In fact, the security company was , NY 11219-4228 Shmuel Brazil, renowned mechanech and mashpiah. hired because of an ongoing problem 718-854-6701 Do genuine farm work: sheep, with gangs of youths in the area who 20 Volumes on Torah, Perek, Medrash, cows & chickens, gardening, were terrorizing and robbing charei- Megilos, Talmud, and Tehilim. construction, and more! di youth. There was no sanction, rab- Proceeds of sales distributed among Intensive backpacking, binic or otherwise, for preventing sec- Yeshivos and used for reprinting of mountain biking, hiking volumes out-of-print and canoe trips ular Jews from using the streets of Bnei DYNAGRAFIK 845-352-1266 Brak. Yet this improbable claim was PRICE: $8.00 PER VOLUME 845-425-4559 not only reported in Ma’ariv,but picked up eagerly by all the morning radio talk shows. To counteract such distorted news stories a group of trained volunteers needs to be organized to call in to radio talk shows. The leading newspapers also have active on-line discussions of news items, and there too a well-organized cadre of volunteers could make an QUALITY SERVICES impact. A little more than a year ago, a Since 1966 young presented the Am FOR Echad-Israel office with precisely such THE FINEST a plan for training volunteers, but the 623 CORTELYOU ROAD project ultimately went nowhere for lack IN (Off Ocean Parkway) of funding. PHOTOGRAPHY BROOKLYN NY 11218 None of Lapid’s tirades against the AND VIDEO chareidi community – not even the army issue – so resonates with the secular pop- (718) 941-5500 ulation as the charge that chareidim are “bloodsuckers,” constantly extorting

The Jewish Observer, February 2003 9 projects in a credible fashion. this or that Chassidic group], and who will rotate with whom.” IV. DO WE BEAR PART OF THE BLAME? Admittedly, there are serious limits on what the chareidi world can do to he remarkable jump in support lessen the hatred. We will not cease to for a party based on arousing vis- be chareidim and send our yeshiva Tceral hatred of other Jews should bachurim to join the army en masse,or be a matter of concern for all Israelis. empty the kollelim in order to silence our Most disturbing is that Shinui is even critics. That is too high a price to pay more popular among educated young for secular approbation. voters than among the general popula- At the same time, it would be a mis- tion. Lapid is “cool.” That popularity take to think that there is nothing that reflects the degree to which our young we can do to improve the situation. The are cut off from any sense of themselves first step is to unequivocally disassoci- as Jews. ate ourselves from those who bring dis- One would expect the Lapid phe- grace to the Torah in the name of reli- nomenon to have provoked some gion. Here we should learn from the soul-searching in the chareidi com- settlement enterprise, which has been munity. Yet to a remarkable degree that delegitimized in the eyes of the vast has not occurred. We have not yet majority of Israel’s Jews, in large part due addressed the question: Have we con- to the actions of a relatively small num- tributed in any way to the present sit- ber of violent settlers. uation in which young Jews do not hes- The same can happen to us as well. itate to express their contempt for all Many who witnessed the first stirrings things Jewish? of a mass teshuva movement after the Shahar Ilan is no friend of the Yom Kippur War blame the Shabbos chareidi community, but one can share stone-throwers on the Ramot Road with some of his wonderment over the lack having dampened the spirits of secular of self-scrutiny occasioned by the rise of Israelis. Torah Jewry became identified Lapid. “Has the chareidi community in the public mind with the stone- considered how it is possible that a party throwers. Today, the descendants of whose main message is ‘stop the charei- those stone-throwers, now moved to dim’ has doubled its strength in the polls Ramat Beit Shemesh, blacken the name and sprung from six to 12 mandates?” of Torah in the same way by throwing Ilan writes. “Has a rabbinical commit- rocks and sending burning shopping tee been appointed to investigate this carts hurtling at motorists hours after failure?…. Hard to believe – but the the end of Shabbos. answer is No. A survey of editorials in A community that feels itself under the ultra-Orthodox media shows there constant attack finds it difficult to dis- has been no debate on issues like – How avow those who wrap themselves in the did we make ourselves so hated?…. By mantel of believing Jews, but when they contrast, there is … public debate … in falsify the Torah by their actions, we have the chareidi media about who will be no choice. United Torah ’s fifth Knesset Similarly, a community under siege is member – the representative… [from loathe to ever concede any point to its

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10 The Jewish Observer, February 2003 critics. But sometimes a proactive strably false. Virtually every major med- response from us would be the best ical referral organization in the country defense. For instance, one of the Shinui’s was founded by chareidim, and there are top agenda items is the closure of all the dozens of chareidi organizations devot- religious councils around Israel. What if ed to the needs of the entire community. we were to admit that there are, in fact, The media, however, focuses almost many sinecures on the religious councils exclusively on Zaka, as if it were the and members drawing large salaries for exception proving the general rule of doing little or nothing? What if we were chareidi indifference to the well-being 1537 50th Street, to agree that only the very largest cities of secular Israelis. Brooklyn, NY 11219 require two chief , one Sephardi Chareidi representatives on the Knes- (718) 854-2911 and one Ashkenazi? By showing a will- set Budget Committee are regularly ingness to confront the waste of public described as holding up the passage of funds, we would thereby strengthen our the state budget until the Treasury case for essential funding. guarantees continued funding for Lapid has made “religious coercion” chareidi institutions. On occasion, we GittyGitty one of his signature issues.“Let me help have haplessly played into this percep- you go on enjoying yourselves,”he tells tion. The Big Family Law, which young audiences. As Yair Sheleg, him- increased child allowances only from the PinterPinter self a frequent critic of the chareidi fifth child on, is a classic example. At a Experienced Shadchan world, pointed out in the January 22 time of budgetary constraints, passing for all age groups Ha’aretz,religious coercion is a fake a law that primarily benefited only for the Orthodox Jewish community. issue. Not a single piece of religious leg- chareidim and Arabs, and offered little Rabbinical references available islation has been introduced since 1993, additional support for the vast major- and even that was only to restore a long- ity of children living under the pover- Home: (718) 338-1765 standing administrative ban on the ty line, was a major tactical blunder. Pager: (917) 486-5655 import of the non-kosher meat, which had been struck down by the Supreme THE LEADER IN GLOBAL CELLPHONE RENTALS Court. In every area, including most dra- matically commercial activity on Shab- bos, the religious “status quo” has been SATELLITE eroding. Nevertheless cries of “religious coer- PHONES cion” succeed in rallying the secular pop- “The Name You Trust” AVAILABLE ulation. In part, that reflects fears of a religious takeover caused by the rapid growth of Shas. Shas and Shinui exist in DOMESTIC CORPORATE ACTIVATIONS perfect symbiosis. Each derives its • Cellphone Rental for over 150 countries strength, in part, from fears of the other. In such a situation, it is particularly • Nationwide delivery available incumbent upon us not to do anything •Voice mail & text messaging to encourage such fears. No threats to • Guaranteed lowest rates turn the Knesset into a Beit Knesset; no musings about legislation to make the • 24 hr. customer support recitation of Tehillim mandatory during •Fax & data service the moment of silence observed for fall- • Itemized bill en soldiers. • Call waiting Counteracting the “Us Only” Image • Caller ID

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The Jewish Observer, February 2003 11 The Large Family Law became a ests of the chareidi community. They secular brethren – not just for the pur- lightning rod for criticism, and ren- are also charged with demonstrating pose of kiruv, but to give them a feel- dered all child allowances vulnerable to the relevance of the Torah to every chal- ing of connectedness. The thousands of the budget cutters in the Treasury. Not lenge confronting Klal Yisroel.The avreichim organized by Lev L’Achim surprisingly, the first cuts in child insistence that every major issue – not who go door-to-door in non-religious allowances proposed by Finance Min- just those dealing with mixtures of milk neighborhoods asking, “Is there any- ister Silvan Shalom were aimed at those and meat – is within the ambit of the thing in the Torah you would like to who do not serve in the army. A law gedolei Torah is what distinguishes the study?” provide the model. designed to provide benefits for charei- chareidi parties from Mizrachi. To From a young age, we must instill dim and Arabs begat an Emergency make that clear, our elected represen- our children with a determination to Economic Plan designed specifically to tatives must speak in the name of the make every interaction with non-reli- cut benefits to those groups. gedolim on all the major issues. gious Jews – and there are many such We must broaden our measure of The election propaganda of United interactions – an affirmative one. In political success to include more than Torah Judaism in the recent campaign addition, we must ensure that those simply the size of the budgetary allo- indicates the party’s appreciation of this occasions when secular Israelis are cation secured. Larger budgetary allo- point. That propaganda plays up the 7 The case of Rabbi Gafni shows some of the cations must be balanced against the party’s support for social legislation and obstacles placed before chareidi MKs who wish cost of increased secular hatred and the the efforts of MK Rabbi Moshe Gafni to demonstrate the Torah’s concern with every further alienation of the secular pop- on behalf of the environment.7 This aspect of Israeli life. The media gives no cover- age to his efforts as head of the Knesset Com- ulation from Torah. promising start, however, reminds us mittee on the Protection of the Environment. Counteracting the image of selfish of how long it has been since the gen- Ma’ariv even ridiculed the UTJ election ads for chareidim requires not only the avoid- eral Israeli public knew, for instance, of portraying the party as champions of the envi- ance of tactical blunders but also the views of Rabbi Shach l”xz on the ronment. In response, the chairman of the Soci- ety for the Preservation of the Environment wrote recalling the primary purpose of reli- settlements, or other major national the paper lauding Rabbi Gafni’s efforts and rebuk- gious representatives in the Knesset. issues. ing the paper for deeming it inconceivable that Those representatives are charged not Above all, we must do everything a chareidi representative could be so involved in just with protecting the narrow inter- possible to share the Torah with our an ostensibly “non-religious” issue.

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12 The Jewish Observer, February 2003 more or less forced into contact with The pervasive lack of hope among without a positive vision of Jews in the religious establishment are positive the Israeli Jews and their lack of sense Eretz Yisroel, they will ask themselves experiences. Batei din (religious of their own place in the panorama of whether the struggle is worth it, and courts), for instance, should start on history of the Jewish people are not head for safer places. Among the upper time, and litigants leave impressed with unrelated phenomena. Those lacking socio-economic strata to which Lapid the dignity and concern shown them. any vision of what brought us to this has exclusively pitched his message, Unfortunately, the opposite can be the Land, any sense of themselves as the many are doing so already. case. bearers of a glorious tradition, can find When we combat the Lapid phe- Every Jewish bride is required to reg- no real purpose in persevering. nomenon, we do so not only to save our- ister with the Chief Rabbinate, where They will fight the Palestinians selves but on behalf of Klal Yisroel.It is she typically hears a cursory review of because they have no wish to leave the incumbent upon us to anwer those who some relevant halachos in a group of land in which they were born or to speak only to the fears of secular Israelis similarly uninterested young women. commit suicide. But at some point, with a vision of hope. ■ A pilot project in selected localities to provide each new bride and groom with a specially trained counselor to discuss Jewish marriage over several Simcha Guidelines individual sessions proved a great suc- cess. Yet rather than expanding to meet THE VORT • The menu for the seuda is limited to 3 the requests from other localities, it • The Vort celebration is to be courses followed by a regular dessert. shriveled due to lack of funding. discontinued. The L’chaim (held at • No Viennese table and no bar. the time that the engagement is V. THE LARGER MEANING OF THE MUSIC THE LAPID PHENOMENON announced) should also not turn into a Vort. • A band may consist of a maximum of hareidim have good cause to fear THE WEDDING 5 musicians (one of the musicians may act as a vocalist) or four musicians and one Tommy Lapid and the enactment • Only 400 invited guests may be of any part of the Shinui pro- additional vocalist. C seated at the chassuna seuda. gram. But secular Israelis should be • A one-man band is recommended. equally concerned about what he reveals • The kabbolas panim smorgasbord about secular Israeli society. He has pro- should be limited to basic cakes, fruit plat- FLOWERS & CHUPA DECOR vided a chilling snapshot of the nation- ters, a modest buffet, and the caterer’s • The total cost of these items for the entire al soul. standard chicken or meat hot dishes. wedding should not exceed $1,800. The general malaise and hopeless- ness reflected in the popularity of a FOR THE FULL VERSION OF THE SIMCHA GUIDELINES one-issue hatemongerer is the first AND THE ACCOMPANYING KOL KOREH, source of concern. Messianic move- please email [email protected] or call 212-612-2300 ments, both secular and religious, in Jewish history have always sprung We the rabbinical signatories — barring familial obligations — and unusual and from such despair. The entire Oslo extraordinary circumstances — will not participate in or attend a wedding celebration that process was an outgrowth of the shock disregards these guidelines. (Rabbinical Listing in formation) occasioned by the first intifada when Rabbi Shmuel Birnbaum Rabbi Eli Simcha Schustal Rabbi Elya Ber Wachtfogel Israeli tanks proved incapable of Rosh Hayeshiva, Mirer Yeshiva Rosh Hayeshiva, Bais Binyomin, Stamford Rosh HaYeshiva, Yeshiva Gedolah of South Fallsburg quelling stone-throwing youngsters. Rabbi Rabbi Yisroel Rokowsky Rosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Gedola of Philadelphia Rabbi Yisroel Simcha Schorr Rabbi Chaim Boruch Wolpin That hopelessness is exacerbated by Rosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Karlin Stolin Rabbi Shmuel Kaminetzky Roshei HaYeshiva, Yeshiva Ohr Somayach the alienation from any sense of one’s Rosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Gedola of Philadelphia Rabbi Aryeh Rabbi Zecharia Gelley Rav, Khal Adas Jeshurun own Jewishness. (See “Israel on the Rabbi Rosh Hayeshiva, , Lakewood Brink,” by this author in The Jewish Novominsker Rabbi Yisroel Tzvi Neuman Rabbi Lipa Margulies Rosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva & Mesifta Torah Temimah Observer,Nov. ’00, pp. 6-8.) Without Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Feigelstock Rosh Hayeshiva, Beth Medrash Govoha, Lakewood Rosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva of Long Beach Rabbi Dovid Kviat that alienation, Lapid would be Rabbi Dovid Tzvi Schustal Rabbi Moshe Wolfson Chairman, Conference of Synagogue Rabbonim Rosh Hayeshiva, Beth Medrash Govoha, Lakewood unthinkable. The Palestinians’ belief in Mashgiach, of Agudath Israel their future triumph has been fueled to Rabbi Aron Moshe Schechter Rabbi Yeruchem Olshin Rabbi Shlomo Mandel a very large extent by their sense that Rosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Chaim Berlin Rosh Hayeshiva, Beth Medrash Govoha, Lakewood Rosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva of Brooklyn the Jews of Israel have lost all connec- Rabbi Yosef Rosenblum Rabbi Mattisyahu Salamon Rabbi Ephraim Wachsman tion to their roots. (Ibid,pp.8-10.) Rosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Shaarei Yosher Mashgiach, Beth Medrash Govoha, Lakewood Rosh Hayeshiva, Meor Yitzchok

The Jewish Observer, February 2003 13 Dr.Sylvan Schaffer

Custody Disputes That Put Orthodox Children At Risk And What Can Be Done

a court to send his sons to spend sev- their mother and out of yeshiva. The The article by Dr. Sylvan Schaf- eral weeks during the summer with his children are now attending public fer provides valuable information ex-wife, who, despite attending Bais school and Ahuva has very limited and insights in regard to matters that Yaakov schools from childhood, has contact with them. must be addressed in marital sep- abandoned religious observance. To aration agreements and in court orders dealing with children whose “ back” at her former husband, she * * * lives are so seriously affected by the takes the boys to non-kosher restaurants, dissolution of a marriage. Sadly, with enrolls them in a Catholic day camp, and hese anecdotes are based on real considerable frequency, in the bit- takes them to a circus on the Seven- cases*,some of which were terness that often attends divorce, teenth of Tamuz (a fast day). Tbrought to the attention of Agu- the parties lose sight of the best inter- • Baruch Isaacs, who still wears a dath Israel of America in search of legal ests of the children. We have in the yarmulke and a beard, is awarded cus- assistance in resolving these dilemmas. past addressed the need for tody of Avi, his teenage son, after a pro- Imagine the trauma and shame for chil- greater civility and less confronta- * tracted court battle. Dena Isaacs’ lawyer dren brought up to be strictly observant tion in the divorce process . Unless assumes that Baruch will certainly keep and yireiShamayim,who are forced to we rid divorce of the extreme per- Avi in a yeshiva, and therefore the cus- get into a car on Shabbos,sometimes in sonal bitterness, the ability to accomplish the laudatory goals tody agreement states only that the boy front of their friends and neighbors. Pic- that Dr. Schaffer addresses will be must attend “a Jewish school.” Baruch ture the horror of a caring parent, a hard to achieve. Where war is the then moves to Connecticut, where he shomer mitzvos,who is watching this first order of the day, children enrolls Avi in a Conservative day school. occur after pleading in court to prevent become pawns in the battle and The mother’s legal challenge to this this scene! ultimately its first casualties. To min- move is rejected by the courts. It is our responsibility to do whatever imize collateral damage, religious • Batsheva Yellin is ordered by a court possible to make certain that these divorces must also be civil. to drive her children on Shabbos to meet unfortunate situations are either avoid- with Mark, their father, who is no longer ed or minimized. First, however, it is *For example Dr. Meir Wikler’s “Two ‘Ex’s’ and a ‘Why?’” (March ’93) and “From Step- observant. essential to understand how helpless and Families to Blended Families” (Nov. ’96). • Ahuva Sanders, who became obser- vulnerable children become trapped in vant sometime after her marriage, files such a state of affairs. for divorce and is granted custody of her alman Abraham, father of three four young children. Her ex-husband, ROOT CAUSES OF TRAGIC SITUATIONS sons who attend a yeshiva day Stanley, then charges that the children Zschool in Chicago, is ordered by are being raised in a cult and persuades hese scenarios are the end result a judge to take the children away from when child-custody disputes Sylvan Schaffer J.D., Ph.D. is both an attorney and clinical psychologist who practices law and *The names and identifying details of these cases Tarise between divorcing spouses psychology, and is affiliated with NYU, Einstein have been changed to protect the confidentiali- who differ in their religious observance Medical School, and Hofstra Law School. ty of the parties. and philosophy. This happens in two

The Jewish Observer, February 2003 15 primary ways: first, both parents were Reform, or failed to spell out the myr- edgeable about family law, but also originally observant and one later iad ramifications of “raising a child as familiar with the full range of needs of began to stray from observance; or sec- an Orthodox Jew”: Shabbos, Kashrus, an Orthodox family. If such an attorney ond, the couple was originally non- and educational influences. Thus, the is not available, experts may be enlist- observant and one party became more critical details of a child’s religious ed with whom the attorney would con- religious and raised the children in this upbringing may be left up to a judge to sult about these issues. One such expert manner with the consent of the non- define, and he may have little knowledge is the rabbi, who can explain the vital practicing parent. When these parents about such matters, or may harbor neg- religious details to the attorney. Also, the decide to divorce, the religious upbring- ative myths about Orthodox religious attorney can consult with Orthodox ing of the children becomes an issue, practices. attorneys who can highlight key points and sometimes may be used as a Such cases may ultimately be dealt that should be included in the separa- weapon despite the damaging impact it with through litigation by attorneys and tion, custody, or visitation agreement, may have on the children. expert witnesses who are familiar with and indicate time-tested approaches to In addition – this is especially true for such issues and the psychological avoiding unfortunate cases similar to families living outside of large Ortho- impact they can have on the children, those in the opening anecdotes. dox communities – when the couple but this method is usually pursued as a Although the other parent may not begins the divorce process, they may last resort. Litigation is generally resort- cooperate prior to going to court, the engage attorneys who themselves are not ed to only after other methods have been Orthodox parent may attempt to bring Jewish or observant, and therefore may tried and failed, since trials are very cost- the other party to a beis din,which not be familiar with the religious ly, and the child may already be in the would certainly be conversant with the nuances and requirements that must be traumatic situation while the lengthy lit- religious issues. In addition, the parties put into matrimonial agreements in igation process grinds on. Also, the out- may seek mediation with a knowledge- order to protect the children. For exam- come of a trial is uncertain, since a judge able, neutral party so that these issues ple, the agreement may say that the chil- will make the decision, which is then may be dealt with in a non-adversarial dren must be raised as “Jewish,” with- imposed on the parents. environment. out defining the specifics of what that means, i.e. Orthodox, Conservative or AN ALTERNATIVE: EARLY PREVENTION SOME IMPORTANT POINTS

ar more effective is early preven- here are several points that are MASTER DAF tion. Planning for the religious important in formulating sepa- 4-5 blatt per tape Fneeds of the children must begin Tration custody, and visitation • very early, and the rabbinate can play a agreements. First, religious issues should • Each Daf is read, translated, and explained very important role in making their con- be dealt with explicitly. Sometimes, they slowly and clearly in just gregants aware of the need for such are actually overlooked. Second, gener- 20 minutes planning. The rabbi often has been al terms such as “Jewish,” “kosher,” or • $4 per tape (plus S&H) involved with a couple since the early “” do not in themselves • Subscription rate: $3 per tape stages of their relationship, including the convey enough information. Such terms (plus S&H) premarital period. need modifiers that are more specific. A rav may detect early warning signs For example,“kosher” should be defined 1-718-435-5438 • 1-800-966-6026 and then speak to the couple about his as to the specific types of hashgacha A project of the Slabodka Yeshiva observations. He may suggest ways to (rabbinical supervision) that are accept- strengthen their marriage before the able. Examples of the types of schools divorce process even gets under way. should be given, or specific schools Such prevention, aimed at preserving should be named. If something is too MALOHN shalom bayis,enhances the spiritual and difficult to define or specify at that time, MIFAL psychological environment of the chil- one can name a rabbi whose definitions MIFAL dren, as well. will resolve ambiguity problems, thus Visiting New York? There may be times, however, when avoiding litigation. Beautiful rooms, with kitchen facilities, in the marriage cannot be saved and the It is also important to include the heart of Boro Park, by day or week. parties begin the divorce process. This specifics about the future of the children’s Near Shuls, take out foods, etc. Profits to stage is not too early to launch the pre- religious upbringing. These include: Mifal Torah Vodaas. vention process, aimed at avoiding the the type of shul that the children will tragic scenarios that opened this article. attend; the distance from shul within Call (718) 851-2969 At this point, the parent should seek out which they must live; who will pay for NO T.V.’S an attorney who is not only knowl- the yeshiva education, and until what

16 The Jewish Observer, February 2003 age; the specific neighborhoods and cities ment, they are usually upheld by the should provide emotional, financial, that are acceptable; the living arrange- courts. If religious observance issues are and informational support to the fam- ments in the home (especially who else not spelled out clearly, the result is quite ily in a time of personal and spiritual will be living in the home); remarriage; often the horror stories recounted at the crisis. With proper planning and care, what name the children will call a new beginning of this article. the children can be spared such trau- spouse; which parent has control of reli- Parents need to take these actions as matic experiences. ■ gious standards; standards of religious early as possible in the custody process. practice in the non-observant parent’s Courts may question a parent’s sincer- home during visitations, and methods ity if an activity, which is labeled as objec- of verification; bar mitzvas and weddings tionable, has been allowed to continue (religious, financial, and family issues); for a long period without protest. It travel outside the country (i.e. studying should be emphasized to a judge that the in Eretz Yisroel); role of grandparents; child’s religious observance is of inter- Weekly arbitration by beis din;choice of doctors est even to a secular court, since its lack Torah newspaper seeks and therapists; summer camps; visitation of continuity may have negative impact schedules (especially as they involve on a child’s psychological stability. EXPERIENCED Shabbos and Yom Tov); and other similar issues. A COMMUNAL CONCERN NEWS It is essential to make the agreement FEATURE clear enough so that judicial involve- hese religion-based custody cases ment may be avoided or minimized, and provide the Orthodox commu- WRITERS the religious definitions are not left open Tnity with an opportunity to Please fax resume to for a judge to interpret. If religious assist children who are suffering great- observance issues are spelled out clear- ly, and whose lives may be drastically (718) 692-4873 ly in the visitation and custody agree- altered by the ordeal. The community

The Jewish Observer, February 2003 17 Yaakov Yosef Reinman Don’t Judge the Book by Its Cover

The December issue of The Jewish Observer discussed “The Dangers of Dialogue,” in response to the recently published book, One People, Two Worlds, which consists of a dialogue on fundamental principles of faith between Rabbi Yosef Reinman, a recognized Torah scholar, and , the leader of the Association of Reform Zionists of America. The appearance of the book prompted the Moetzes Gedolei Hatorah to issue a declaration rejecting the book’s premise, and therefore the book itself. Rabbi Reinman accepted the decision of the Moetzes Gedolei Hatorah and cancelled a promotional tour with the co-author. This move won the praise of many Torah leaders, but was criticized by the secular media. Reflecting on the episode, Rabbi Reinman has written the following article for the Jewish Week. With permission from the author and the Jewish Week, we are reprinting it in full.

he media have been busy for curiosity. We also connected on a per- Ammi offers us the answer.“The Jew- months with One People, Two sonal level, and I loved it and them. By ish world needs you,”he calls out to the TWorlds, the book I co-authored withdrawing from the tour, I had to Orthodox,“to bring your love of Torah, with Ammiel Hirsch, and the promo- forgo meeting hundreds of people discipline, commitment, knowledge tional tour from which I withdrew after under similar circumstances. A great and passion to the Jewish world…. The two appearances in deference to the loss. enemy is not . The Council of Torah Sages. Now that the But why did I withdraw from the enemy is apathy, assimilation and igno- dust has settled somewhat, I would like tour? And even more important, why rance. We should see ourselves as allies to add a few remarks and observations was this opportunity for an Orthodox in our common struggle to sustain and of my own. rabbi to meet non-Orthodox people ensure Jewish continuity.” A few weeks ago, upon his return such a rare phenomenon? You see? There are strings attached from his now solo appearances on the tour, Ammi wrote a piece for the Jew- ish Week (01-03-03) in which he lament- ed the missed opportunity for the Orthodox. He had met “thousands of Jews… precisely the people Rabbi Rein- man wanted to reach − mostly non- Orthodox Jews eager to learn more about Torah and the Orthodox world.” It was indeed a missed opportunity. My message resonated well with the peo- ple during the first two appearances − in the “State of World Jewry” forum at the 92nd St. Y and at a book fair in Indi- anapolis − despite my long caftan, beard and peyot.After the presentations, many people approached me with com- ments, questions and an overwhelming Rabbi Reinman,a Talmudic scholar, author and historian, lives in Lakewood, New Jersey.

The Jewish Observer, February 2003 19 to these wonderful opportunities. So denies the binding nature of Halachah let go of the religion of their ancestors, Reform laypeople want to hear and learn and, by doing so, rejects the Judaism of that the national memory of Sinai is still from Orthodox rabbis? Fine, but only our ancestors. Reform laypeople know etched into their chromosomes, that if those Orthodox rabbis acknowledge this full well, and that is why they are deep down they know that the divine Reform rabbis as allies. It is like a par- so eager to learn about Orthodoxy, the covenant between the Creator and His ent using the children as pawns in a religion of their ancestors. They don’t people is real. marital struggle. If the Orthodox rabbi display the same interest in Conser- Fifty years ago, a group of leading stands on the stage side by side with a vatism and Reconstructionism, which Orthodox sages erected a firewall Reform rabbi, then he can speak to the are just different flavors of the liberal between the Orthodox rabbinate and the people. Otherwise, no visitation. stream. Reform rabbinate, forbidding any offi- During these last few months, I cial contact whatsoever between the two; ut Reform rabbis are not our col- have met and heard from numerous they placed no restrictions, however, on leagues in the work of perpetu- non-Orthodox people yearning for a contact with Reform Jews as individu- Bating Jewish continuity. Reform stronger Jewish identity, and I wondered als. The sages felt that sharing common ideology embraces moral relativism, what motivated them to set themselves platforms with movements so antithet- denies the divine authorship of the apart from American society. Then it ical to the religion of our ancestors Torah, denies the divine covenant, struck me that the laypeople have never would give them an aura of legitimacy they did not deserve. Since then, Ortho- doxy has flourished, but the lines of communications with our non-Ortho- dox brothers and sisters have been shut down. Their rabbis have told them that the Orthodox hate them and do not consider them authentic Jews − absolute lies − and then they have stood guard over the people to make sure that no Orthodox rabbi speaks to them unat- tended.

o why did I write my book when I knew that our revered sages dis- Sapproved of sharing platforms with Reform rabbis? Was I breaking away and setting out in a new direction? Heaven forbid. There is a deep sense of desperation in the Orthodox commu- nity at the disintegration of the non- Orthodox world. There is a feeling that time is running out and that something must be done. The rabbis who author- ized and supported this project decid- ed, based on several fine distinctions, that it was an exception to the rule. To mention just one of these distinctions, since I am an independent scholar and writer rather than a member of the rab- binate, my participation was considered “individual” rather than “official” con- tact; I mention this distinction in the book several times. We felt we could thus circumvent the rabbinate and speak directly to the people. We were wrong. The media com- pletely ignored my explicit distinctions and depicted the exchange as a break-

20 The Jewish Observer, February 2003 through, a breach in the Orthodox wall when I was sitting Shivah for my father they do not allow you to meet Ortho- of rejection − which it was never meant last week. The sages just set policy; they dox rabbis, read the books I mention in to be. Most did not even bother to read never tell individuals what to do, and the Afterword. If you need more guid- the book. They just looked at the cover they certainly never threatened me in ance, write to me at the email address and, to my horror, painted me as the any way whatsoever. Their declaration ([email protected]) that appears Rosa Parks of interdenominational dia- treated me with kindness and respect, there. logue. I have yet to see one serious, in- and when I issued my brief statement As Ammi mentioned, when we were depth review of the book. of acceptance and withdrew from the at the 92nd St Y, the moderator asked The declaration of the Council of tour, they were surprised and respond- me, “If someone has a choice between Sages simply reaffirmed what we already ed with a nice complimentary state- watching the Sopranos and learning knew − that the distinctions had failed ment. I have only good things to say Talmud with a Reform rabbi, what to register with all those people eager to about them. would you advise him to do?” Things portray the book in a light that suited In retrospect, the premise of the book had been going so well, and now this them better. Under these circumstances, was a mistake. But what is done is done. bomb. I tried to wiggle out, but the the tour would just compound the error. The book has taken on a life of its own, moderator pinned me down. What What could I say? They were right. and I hope and pray that it does only could I do? So I took a deep breath and And so, I withdrew. Unfortunately, the good and no harm. Ultimately, the book said,“He should watch the Sopranos.” media ridiculed the Council of Sages as will stand as convincing evidence that There was an audible gasp from the beady-eyed ayatollahs issuing fatwas Orthodoxy is intellectually sophisticat- audience. I was mortified. against me and my family and bans of ed and compelling, that our rejection of Afterward, Richard Curtis, my wise excommunication against anyone who dialogue does not stem from fear and friend and agent, told me,“Don’t worry. dared pick up the book. This was all that our expressions of love for all Jews People will respect your intellectual hon- nonsense. are genuine and sincere. esty. And besides, many people will go The members of the Council are home wondering, What is so bad about wise, intelligent, highly principled peo- n the meantime, I urge all my Jew- learning Talmud with a Reform rabbi? ple, most of whom I have known for ish brothers and sisters not to allow Why would he say something like that?” years; two of them paid their respects Iyour rabbis to hold you hostage. If Why, indeed. ■

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The Jewish Observer, February 2003 21 Reva Rubenstein BOOKS elech says. “The troubles of my heart condition in his room when you think have expanded.” Rav Hirsch, however, he’s sleeping….” IN translates the pasuk to mean – “Trou- Even suggestions such as not bles have widened my heart.” Vicari- bringing flower arrangements and REVIEW ously, we gain depth of feeling as we are stuffed animals to a patient who will confronted with the effect our words be in a hospital for a short stay and have on others. For example, did the may be inconvenienced by trans- “If There’s Anything I Can Do…” by woman begging for a donation know the porting it home. Rebecca Bram Feldbaum, (published by effect of her words “Ani almana – Chazal tells us that when Feldheim Publishers, Nanuet, NY/ I am a widow” when she Reuvain saved Yosef Jerusalem, 2003 $21.95) addressed Mrs. Feld- from death at the baum on her first hands of his brothers, ow often do we, as caring Jews, visit to the Kosel the he would have carried reach out to help someone, only day after shiva? Is an him on his shoulders Hto find we’ve caused more harm elementary school back to his father had than good? How often does our “chizuk teacher aware that as he known that his call” weaken the receiver to distraught she teaches Bereishes deeds would be tears? Are our pick-me-ups taken as put- and the deaths of recorded for genera- downs? And do we find ourselves yet our forefathers, that tions in the Torah. again wondering, “What should I have the young child in One gets a twinge of done or said?” class could be reliv- similar lost opportu- This new book by Rebecca Bram ing his own father’s nity when reading Feldbaum is a volume in sensitivity death? the last chapter, training. A widow at a young age, with The scope of her “Acknowledgements.” four small children, she shares her book goes far beyond How real and sincere experiences in an open, heartfelt way. this. It is loaded with are her thanks to all Reading of her first confrontation with practical suggestions those who stood by her in the title “widow,” of her husband’s that would make rec- difficult times! Here are people who funeral, of her children’s experiences, she ommended reading for gave generously and kindly by being true does much more than open her heart to high schoolers. They could be directed friends. These are accomplishments us. She opens our hearts. to chapters such as “Do’s and Don’ts For each of us should strive to emulate in “Tzoros levovi hirchivu,” David Ham- Hospital Visits.” For example, “Do not our circles. Reading Mrs. Feldbaum’s speak to a family member in the hos- acknowledgments is gentle mussar for Mrs. Rubenstein, who lives in Monsey, NY, has been the Jewish Observer layout artist for many years. This is her first pital room as if the patient isn’t there. all of us. literary contribution to these pages Do not discuss the patient’s medical Just as the Chofetz Chaim opened up a whole new field of guarding one’s tongue from slander, Mrs. Feldbaum – You can! Just call on her modest scale – opens up a world I wish I could The Yitti Leibel of guarding against causing emotional “ Helpline. pain. She touches on topics of divorce, H OURS: remarriage, childlessness and loss, while speak to a Monday-Friday...... 8am -12pm teaching caring and gentleness. Monday-Thursday ...... 8pm -11pm You may wonder why such a book Sunday...... 9am -12pm, 9pm -11pm has a bright blue cover with yellow stick- frum therapist 718-HELP-NOW ums scattered around. In fact, as much (718) 435-7669 as it tells of sadness, this book will make you laugh as the author’s inner simcha, Chicago...... (800) HELP-023 humor and bitachon glimmers through on the phone Lakewood...... (732) 363-1010 Cleveland...... (888) 209-8079 many pages. Somber, of course, but Baltimore...... (410) 578-1111 never morbid, this is a unique testimo- without giving Detroit...... (877) 435-7611 ny of a true ma’amin,which teaches, San Diego...... (866) 385-0348 inspires and prods its readers in uplift- kgkuh ban, jh'v suxht c, r' anutk crul uuhkvgko g"v uuhkvgko crul anutk r' c, suxht jh'v ban, kgkuh )bpyrv h"t thhr ,ak"v( thhr h"t )bpyrv ing, practical growth. You can judge this r' hagh'v ci r' nav sus crtui g"v crtui sus nav r' ci hagh'v r' my name. ,ak"v( xhui c' )bpyr book by its cover, and you’ll open it and ” Dedicated by Mr. & Mrs. Shmuel Boruch Wilhelm turn to its wisdom again and again. ■

36 The Jewish Observer, February 2003