What this book is and what it isn’t 2 The halfling dilemma 3 Halfling 5 Half-elf 7 Half-dwarf 7 Gnome 8 Forest gnome 10 Rock gnome 10 Half-orc 11 Human-orc 14 Dwarf-orc 15 Elf-orc 15 Summary of stats 15 A note on languages 15 Sample file 1 It must be stressed that the title of the book is Throughout, the idea is, wherever possible, to chosen purely for provocative reasons in a use the existing rules to facilitate the ideas shameless attempt to shift more copies. It is not presented herein. I am not reinventing the advocating for all half-breed characters to be wheel here, merely making it spin in a different considered illegitimate. Rather, the opposite is direction. true. It is a celebration of diversity, and an opportunity to show a few more ‘happy families’ What is most notably different is the approach in our games1. to races that are of mixed parentage. THE BOOK OF BASTARDS is intended to provide some What this book is and inspiration and ideas for making your campaign just a little bit different, and the lore contained in it is meant to spark imaginative roleplaying, if what it isn’t not world-building, opportunities. This book is not an exhaustive guide to every The thinking behind these alternative rules possible permutation of a character’s genealogy came about due to dissatisfaction with the use cross-referenced back several generations so of the word ‘halfling’ to describe a race of you can make a character with 17’ darkvision beings who happen to be short, combined with and proficiency in Nature checks because their a (perhaps personal only to me) dislike of the mother’s uncle’s cousin twice removed was a existing half-elf race as it appears in the dwarf and their father smelt of elderberries. PLAYER’S HANDBOOK. I’m afraid I’m way too lazy for that! Not to I call it ‘the halfling dilemma’, and this is my mention that DUNGEONS & DRAGONS is a fantasy solution to the problem. world. It has magic woven into its very being, Of course, solution number one to the halfling pacts are being made with demons left, right, dilemma would be to simply rename them. Call and center, and interventionist gods provide them hin, or jollywobblers, or children of the corn, multiple miracles on a daily basis. and carry on as normal, with no changes to the In the face of all this handwavium, it strikes me rules whatsoever. that mathematical attempts to splice X amount I mean, you could do that, sure. But why just of race A onto Y amounts of race B for maximum rename halflings when you can give more color optimization are rendered essentially to them and step out from under Tolkien’s meaningless. shadow? If you really want to play a hobbit, Fair warning: if that’s your jam, then this ADVENTURES IN MIDDLE-EARTH might be for you. book won’t scratch your itch. Mechanically, you will find here only a few What it will do is offer up a few alternative rules changes from the core rules in the PLAYER’S for creating mixed-race characters with minimal HANDBOOK; mostly they are just tweaked a little, changes to the existing fifth edition DUNGEONS & for flavor and for logic. Hopefully, they will spark some ideas for roleplaying and act as DRAGONS game engine. seeds for adventures in your own games, This publication will deal with half-elves, half- without needing a degree in advanced dwarves, half-elf/half-dwarves, and half-orcs. mathematics before you can start rolling up SampleThis updated version spends a good deal more your next brave adventurer. file time on this latter race than before. 2 Furthermore, mechanically, they are given more The idea for this publication came from thinking than their fair share of racial abilities. A +2 stat about the word ‘halfling’, and the problem of bonus (to Charisma, of course) plus an the half-elf race being (in my opinion) an additional +1 bonus to not one, like everyone overpowered option compared to the other else, but two ability scores. An additional nonhuman races in the game. language, fine; but what’s this? Two bonus skill proficiencies, plus elven magic resistance and There are many other ideas that sprang from Darkvision? At once a little over-powered and these initial thoughts, about world-building and somehow horribly vanilla, in my opinion. the nature of magic in my game world; but those are for another time, perhaps. For now, I Then, recalling that this is to do with the halfling want to talk about what I have come to call the dilemma, consider halflings for a moment. Here halfling dilemma. is a race of people in-game with settlements of their own, a distinct language and rich cultural tradition, and their very own creator god. They The elf couldn’t take his eyes off the dwarf’s are, admittedly, on the short side, but it strikes muscular shoulders. There was something me that such a race wouldn’t be falling over about the way they flexed as she worked the themselves3 to self-identify as ‘halflings’. Surely bellows in her smithy that sent electric shivers that’s a pejorative term for a half-breed? down his spine. <Record scratch> It occurs to me that attraction comes in many forms, and beauty is most definitely in the eye Wouldn’t it make more sense to call half-elves of the beholder (with a small ‘b’). All sorts of ‘halflings’? Half-orcs, too? people find all sorts of other people attractive, and what makes one person hot under the Taken logically, a creature known as a halfling collar leaves another person cold. would be the offspring of two different races. A being that is half of one race and half of the There is no one ‘true’ ultimate form of beauty in other: hence, ‘halfling’. our world, but in most fantasy literature and games there is a tacit agreement that, actually, If the game lore establishes that everybody likes there is, and it’s elvish. But who’s to say that the look of an elf in a toga, it stands to reason elves have the monopoly on beauty? Why that they would be the prime source of such should it be the case that every other race, halflings, but the mechanics don’t match. Elves when confronted with the elvish aesthetic, is can mate only with humans. The same is true of humbled and faintly ashamed of their own orcs, but humans can mate with both.4 Well, race’s lot? well. Who looks good in a toga now? In lore terms, the issue I have with this comes Now, to be blunt, I’m pretty sure the plumbing when considering the race of half-elves. They is universal so why aren’t there half-dwarves? are described as being the go-to people to act Why aren’t orcs, described since the days of as ambassadors between all other races ADVANCED DUNGEONS & DRAGONS as ‘fecund’, because they combine the very best of human breeding with elves and dwarves and all sorts? qualities with the beauty and grace of elves. Wherefore art thou, dwarven Montague and Sample elvish Capulet? 5 file But why should members of other races react positively to a half-elf by default? 2 3 My answer, which conveniently does little fiddling with the actual rules of the game but does explore different approaches to character and roleplaying, is brutally simple: 1 There are many who strongly identify with the idea of a Kill off half-elves. character who is misunderstood; an outcast from society seeking acceptance and self-individuation in a world of dark dungeons and the daily defiance of death. That’s fine, To be clear, I mean half-elves as they appear in and I am in no way trying to eradicate this. In fairness, in a the PLAYER’S HANDBOOK. I still want half-elves in world of widespread magic where the single cantrip, my game, but I also want to see half-dwarves, Prestidigitation, takes much of the effort out of homemaking, the sort of folks who wish to spend their and half-elf-half-dwarves and half-orc-half-any- nights in caves sleeping in chainmail and their days rifling of-the-aboves. In a nutshell, I propose: through heavily-used handkerchiefs in the greasy pockets of recently-expired goblins for two copper pieces and a Half-elves as written are removed as a race small jade bead would need a really solid reason to leave home. But I digress. from the game. 2 The game, leaning on Tolkien, describes the ‘fine Halflings (the race) now become either featured’ elves as being ‘hauntingly beautiful to humans half-elves or half-dwarves. and many other races’ – but why must it apply to all humans? And why would they be beautiful to anyone who Furthermore, I suggest that, while unlikely, sees - prefers, even - beauty in the solid and heavyset; the an elf-dwarf union should be possible: their sort to call a spade a spade, like a dwarf (best not to indulge the ugly rumors that some dwarves also like to call children are known as gnomes. their spades by other names, like ‘wife’)? Finally, half-orcs can be the product of orcs 3 No matter how big their feet. breeding with dwarves, elves, or humans. 4 Orcs in DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS don’t share the ‘debased Luckily, with minimal mechanical tweaking, elves’ Tolkienesque origin story that might otherwise excuse this.