Volume 11, No. 4 UrbanTrends SPECIAL EDITION A quarterly newsletter published by

and the Black Youth Sexuality Media Part 2 Dialogue...Discussion...Debate Who’s Teaching Sex? The Media or the Home

Maisha other young men to have sex with the there’s sex. Hamilton- young ladies that they go out with. If Bennett, Ph.D., they don’t “score,” they’re teased. MEE: Media seems to exert a powerful is founder and influence… executive director MEE: Is the environment driving more HAMILTON-BENNETT: Yes. Media de- of Hamilton Life young people to be sexually active or is Ins-titute, Inc. and finitely reinforces this kind of sponta- it just personal choice? founder and CEO neous sexuality. No need for commit- of Hamilton Who- HAMILTON-BENNETT: The environ- ment, no need even for love. There’s listic Healthcare. ment probably has a lot to do with it. In just people living in the moment. There’s Dr. Hamilton- television and in music videos, which a lot of in and out of the bed and a lot of Bennett is a li- are extremely popular among young casual relationships. Messages to censed clinical psychologist and motivational speaker people, sexuality is definitely the norm. young people [say] sex has a certain whose topics include “African Cultural In music videos, the lyrics and songs value that’s independent of anything Influences on the Psychology of African promote sex –– not love, but sex, Americans” and “Men and Women in primarily. Magazines, newspapers, even ...Continued on page 2 Relationships.” She has written several the soap operas, are very sexual now essays, including Black Children, Handle and kids are influenced by that. With Care and Afro-American Women, Hormones haven’t changed; the Poverty and Mental Health. Her expertise has hormones that young people had in the What’sInside made her a sought-after personality on the ’60’s, ’70’s ’80’s or ’90’s — it’s all the talk show circuit and in magazines such as WHO’S TEACHING SEX? THE MEDIA OR THE same. But what people do with the Essence, Ladies Home Journal and Ebony. HOME: Maisha Hamilton-Bennett, Ph.D. hormones is different. People now feel like they have permission to be sexual . . .PAGE 1 MEE: What is the overall landscape of because society says that’s how every- THE VILLAGE IS NO LONGER RAISING OUR sexuality among Black urban youth? one is. CHILDREN: Asa G. Hilliard III, Ph.D. HAMILTON-BENNETT: The majority are A lot of films, for example, show boy . . . PAGE 3 probably sexually active. There seems meets girl, man meets woman, fall in to be a hard-core, but very small group, love, or at least there’s a sexual attrac- TAKING RISKS: A HEALTHY PART OF tion, and they go straight to bed. that is trying to hold off for marriage or GROWING UP: Beth Richie, Ph.D. for permanent or ongoing relationships. There’s not much about birth control, . . . PAGE 4 But I think they’re in the very definite there’s not much about protected sex. minority. If a young lady declines sex, It’s either left to the imagination or PARENTS HAVE AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN she’s considered odd and the young there’s absolutely none being used. SHAPING THE SEXUAL ATTITUDES OF THEIR man will say, “If you don’t want to have There’s rarely a film where anybody gets CHILDREN: Jawanza Kunjufu, Ph.D. sex with me, I’ll go to somebody else the sex history of the person to see if who will.” A lot of young ladies are they have been exposed to HIV or any . . . PAGE 5 feeling reluctant to say no, because they other STDs. Or to see if there’s any think that it may jeopardize their oppor- compatibility, or any thoughts about SEX: CAN WE TALK?: Gail E. Wyatt, Ph.D. tunity to have a boyfriend. Young men becoming a parent. It’s just, people’s . . . PAGE 7 are also encouraged or expected by eyes meet, there’s a spark and then From Hamilton-Bennett (continued) TheEditor else, a sort of stand-alone activity that have an older boyfriend. That man is not When you’re trying to influence has a value of its own, unrelated to rela- only like a father, but he’s also the lover. people’s behavior, whether you’re tionships or reproduction. Then [he] may or may not choose to have protected sex and [may] expose trying to get them to practice safe And we can’t leave out the music the young lady to pregnancy and sexu- sex or to buy the latest fashion gear, videos; those messages are very ally transmitted diseases. Because he’s strong. Because they’re associated it makes sense to use every means older, she may not know how to say with music, that kind of gets into a available to reach them “where they “no” or how to assert herself in the rela- person’s spirit. [Youth are] vibrating to are.” The first step, of course, is tionship. understanding where that is. Then the music, and those messages become much more ingrained in them you figure out what it will take to get because of the way the message is MEE: Are there other ways that poverty them where you want them to be. delivered. impacts the development of Black One of the keys to that is relating to youth sexuality? the audience on its own terms. Many HAMILTON-BENNETT: There are a lot times that calls for non-traditional Hormones haven’t changed of children, too many, who are growing approaches that require you to “think ...but what people do with the up in homes with a single female as outside the box.” head of the household. In some cases, hormones is different. People certainly not the majority, this mother is Over the years, MEE has led the way now feel like they have drug-addicted, or is very poor and may in helping social and commercial be using her own sexuality as a way to marketers understand this some- permission to be sexual help pay the bills. [She] may be a prosti- times complex process, especially tute, [or] even less formally, just having because society says that’s boyfriends who come around who buy when it comes to ethnic or urban groceries and who help out around the audiences. We’ve also made a how everyone is. house. commitment to share what we’ve -Maisha Hamilton-Bennett learned with you, our readers. To Because poor people tend to live in smaller houses, there’s less privacy, and help in that process, we’ve brought children are exposed to their mother’s MEE: What other social contexts impact together some of the most distin- lifestyles. Middle class mothers would risky sexual behavior? guished experts in their fields, who keep it more private, because there are have their own ideas about improv- HAMILTON-BENNETT: A lot of the kids corridors and doors. However, a lot of ing sexual and reproductive health who are less economically advantaged times the proximity of a [low income] outcomes in urban communities, come from homes that are totally shat- mother’s sexuality to the young person even if it means shaking up “the tered, so they’re not consistently getting is very close. There are sounds that are system.” We think you’ll find their the love and support from parents that carried; there are people who are takes on youth, sexuality and the they crave and that they need. Many of coming in and out who are called media insightful and challenging to them are coming from homes where the “Uncle.” budget is very, very tight, so they’re not the status quo. getting money to buy the things that the MEE: What about access to healthcare or media pumps into their brain that they sex education as variables in the equa- Feedback to the first set of interviews “need” to have — the shoes, the tion? with these brilliant minds (UT 11, Vol. clothes, the designer jeans. They’re 3) indicates that they caused a lot of using sexual intimacy to replace some HAMILTON-BENNETT: I don’t think people to look at our most pressing of the other sources of love that may be that [health clinics are] the main route urban issues in new and different prevalent in more affluent communities. that young people would prefer to go in order to get information about sexuality. ways. We think you’ll find that this Probably what the kids crave even more It seems too foreign, too far away, too group has the same impact. than sexual intimacy is love from some- body who really cares genuinely about formal, too old school. Because [to them], the people who are teaching [in Enjoy! them as a person. A lot of times people look to their sex partner for love and schools] and who are working in the caring and they don’t really find that. clinics are old, usually [from] their They only find the physical closeness parent’s generation. Maybe if the sex where skin touches skin, but the heart educators in the clinics could hire the doesn’t touch the heart and the mind peers of these young people, it would Pamela Weddington doesn’t touch the mind. be a lot easier for [them] to go to these Editor places to get information. Many young ladies who don’t have a father in their household, for example, ...Continued on page 9 – 2 – The Village is No Longer Raising Our Children

Asa G. Hilliard detached from the children. When I tion of African people into American III, Ph.D., is a was a child, all my Saturdays were and European society, but it was the professor of Urban supervised by Mr. Moseley at the disintegration of the African commu- Education at Geor- YMCA and my Sundays were under nity. gia State University. the supervision of Sister Ruby. My He is a founding Tuesdays were all under the supervi- MEE: Can reclaiming traditional African member of the sion of Mr. Porter, my Boy Scout Association for the values and beliefs affect the choices Study of Classical master. I see much less of that now. our youth make about sex? So, if the adults are not there to pass African Civilizations. HILLIARD: Social institutions can shape He is also the co- the messages on, then you have to ask character in any direction that you developer of a — what messages are young people popular eductional getting, from whom are they getting choose. You just have to put energy in. television series, Free Your Mind, Return to those messages, and how do they It would mean not just changing what the Source: African Origins. He has value and respond to the messages we think children get, but it would be produced videotapes and educational mate- that they get? changing the communities within rials on African history through his production which those young people reside. The company, Waset Education Productions. adults’ own behavior is the real community, so unless we surround MEE: What are some of the things you Young people have made a children with the behavior that we want notice about Black youth today when it radical change in their sexual them to exhibit, there’s almost no inter- comes to sexuality? vention that I can think of that a young behavior...It’s what you might person will take seriously. They’ll say, HILLIARD: Young people have made a “Well, that’s a case of do as I say and radical change in their sexual behavior predict from a community that not as I do,” and they’re not going to do — it occurs earlier and it occurs more that. often. It occurs in light of the AIDS has begun a kind of disinte- epidemic, without reference to the gration, because young dangers. It is more dispassionate, in MEE: Our research has shown that the sense that it’s very casual. No really people are fundamentally on urban Black youth are major media necessary intimate relationship is there. consumers. What impact does this It’s what you might predict from a their own and without mean- have on their attitudes? community that has begun a kind of ingful adult guidance. HILLIARD: They’re not only major media disintegration, because young people consumers; the culture that they create are fundamentally on their own and -Asa Hilliard is a major profit center for our without meaningful adult guidance. economic system. [And] it’s both of those things together that have us in MEE: How do myths and stereotypes MEE: Do those kinds of changes in our trouble. For example, media consump- about Black sexuality influence our lives have a direct correlation to the tion is dictated by people who don’t youth? loss of traditional African values? have anything to do with our commu- nity. Time Warner is fundamentally in HILLIARD: In the Western world, partic- HILLIARD: Yes. I’ve said on many occa- charge of the media that we see, and ularly in the United States, there’s so sions that the highest priority that I BET, for example, is under Viacom. The much media, [and] the adult values, have for the rest of my life is the issue of fact is that, in the end, the decisions norms, expectations are transmitted socialization. A community has to about the content of the media are not through it. Advertisements directed obligate itself to intergenerational in our hands. towards adults are heavily dependent cultural transmission  to pass on our on sexuality. If you want to smoke a values, beliefs and behaviors to our Let’s take rappers; you have all kinds of cigarette or sell a car, you’ve got to children. That is probably the most rappers. Hip-hop culture has people have a beautiful woman  anything serious task that we perform. This who have very high values and some has to be associated with sexuality. tradition almost anywhere on the who have very low values. But what [African] continent has a formal struc- sells are the people with the low values, I think the first thing we have to ture as well as an informal structure. the ones that will dishonor women. You acknowledge is that we have this Communities were organized so that can’t go for decades doing that and pattern among adults  of leadership, anybody older than you was a teacher, not have that show up in some way. if you will  that may be unintended including young children. Aunts, uncles No self-respecting community would leadership, by our behavior. More what and families felt free — and obligated raise its children on most of the fare we we do than what we say. Few adults  to say things to children. I think the see on MTV if they had a choice. My are saying anything, but their behavior turning point for us in a dismantling, community wouldn’t make those says everything. disintegration process was with inte- Adults in the communities that I see are gration. It supposedly was the integra- ...Continued on page 10 – 3 – Taking Risks: A Healthy Part of Growing Up

Beth Richie, they’re struggling about “Am I that for young people for the rest of their Ph.D., is an asso- person [that the media portrays]” or lives. ciate professor of “Am I myself?” They are thinking, “How Gender and Wo- do I get what I need in a way that MEE: How are young females currently men’s Studies at the doesn’t contribute to the image that defining their intimate relationships University of Illinois folks have of me?” and “What’s with males? at Chicago. She has expected of me around sexuality and been engaged in reproductive health?” RICHIE: Well, there are a couple of several research pieces to that. One is that we’ve made projects designed a mistake to assume that intimacy is to explore violence MEE: So, how do youth navigate the connected with sexuality. I don’t know against women in stages of sexual and reproductive that it always isn’t, but I’m [also] not low-income African health? American commu- convinced that it always is. So, in the nities. Currently, she is leading a multi-million RICHIE: There are set, standard oppor- search for intimacy and connected- dollar research project, sponsored by The tunities that adolescents need [in ness, I’m not convinced that low- Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, on order] to successfully negotiate those income kids necessarily get it through women and youth issues at Rikers Island troubled waters. You need adults dating relationships. Correctional Facility. Richie is the recipient of around you who care about you, who The young girls that I talk to often talk several national awards recognizing her hold you accountable, but also give about this deep connection with their outstanding work. you slack. You need peer relationships homeboys, with their [male] friends. It that are tight, but that you also know sounds almost like an intimate [sexual] MEE: How are media images affecting how to let go of when they don’t work. relationship, but it’s not. These are the sexuality of our youth? You need opportunities to take risks in people who they turn to for support, a safe environment. You need chances RICHIE: Young people in low-income for recognition, for affirmation, but not to experiment; and when you fail, you Black communities are facing a whole necessarily people they’re sexual with. set of stereotypical, media-driven, [But] I think a lot of our strategies have negative images of themselves You need opportunities to assumed that the person that you’re in today–– [as] hypersexual, sexually irre- take risks in a safe environ- a sexual relationship with is the person sponsible, not concerned with that you’re having a deep emotional ongoing intimate relationships, [partici- ment. You need chances to relationship with. I’m not sure they’re pating in] high risk-taking kinds of the same people. behavior. Low-income African experiment; and when you American youth are up against this fail, you need a chance to MEE: Why do young girls seem to be whole wall of images about them that having these two types of relationships they don’t want to accept. [Yet] young recover safely from it. with males? people who I talk with can’t help but be influenced by those images. -Beth Richie RICHIE: I just don’t know. It seems so different from either what I remember Young women deny that they’re need a chance to recover safely from it. or what I read about or have seen. But I involved in sexual relationships, even You need to learn from the conse- think the good news is that these are when they are. They deny that they quences of that and pick up and go places where girls feel gender parity — need reproductive healthcare, even on. I think most adolescents need and that’s a really good thing. Whether when they do. They tend to minimize those things — around work, school, she has real or perceived power with a intimate relationships, even when spirituality — but they also need them male peer, it almost doesn’t matter, they’re deep in them and sometimes around sexuality and relationships. because it gives her a place. So part of need help getting out of them. So, If you’ve got class privilege, race privi- what we need to do is [have her] there’s a way that their ability to deflect capture that, work with that and take it social reactions to them actually puts lege, or if you live in a safe environ- ment, then you recover. You learn your with her to school and to sex and to them in vulnerable positions. There’s a health and to her job. There aren’t a lot parallel set of images — hypersexual- lessons from when things don’t work. You become a different kind of adult of places where young Black women ity, irresponsibility, being a player — feel real power. that young men face that has them when you learn those things as an equally not accessing services or adolescent. White kids and middle reaching out to adults for support. class kids have more opportunities MEE: What social context explains so than kids of color or in low-income much risky sexual behavior among How do young people negotiate that urban communities. There, everything Black urban youth? struggle, deflecting these social becomes much, much more compli- images, while they’re trying to take RICHIE: I think families are really cated. Those same things that some- stretched  now, even more than care of themselves? Adults who work times are healthy stumbles [instead] with young people need to know that become falls that have serious impact ...Continued on page 11 – 4 – Parents Have an Important Role in Shaping the Sexual Attitudes of Their Children Jawanza homicide. One of every 50 African boys need fathers. [But] little girls need Kunjufu, Ph.D., American males are HIV infected and them, too. [In many teen pregnancies], is president of one of every 160 African American there’s a five-year gap between her African American females are HIV infected, so it’s very age and his. She’s between 11 and Images Publishing serious. 16; he’s between 17 and 25. When Company. He is an girls have not been hugged and educational consul- nurtured by a man, a father, then they tant with the com- MEE: Why do you think myths, like the begin to look to young males to give pany and an author one about not getting pregnant the who is continuously first time you have sex, are still being them some direction. on the lecture perpetuated? And what’s really unfortunate is that circuit. Dr. Kunjufu many mothers, while they’re much offers more than 30 KUNJUFU: And that’s just one of many. tougher on their girls, some mothers different workshops There are some others — the with- to varied audiences on issues such as drawal concept, that, “I promise you, raise their daughters and love their African American male/female solutions and baby, when I feel myself coming, I’ll sons. It’s one thing for a mother to raising the Black male child. He has written withdraw.” Wrong. Bad idea. That teach her daughter to be sexually more than 20 books including To Be Popular does not work. There’s research out responsible. [But] then all they do with or Smart The Black Peer Group and there that’s saying 50% of teen-agers their sons is give them a box of Restoring the Village, Values and Commit- condoms, that’s it. Then he comes ment: Solutions for the Black Family. What we need is for men to back, [and she asks] “You mean you went through the box that fast?” –– MEE: According to a survey conducted stay at home with their chil- and all she does then is give him in the Los Angeles County School another box of condoms. We need District, 72% of African American high dren. Fatherlessness is a de- much more from mothers than that. school students reported that they mon greater than racism or were not virgins, compared to 57% of MEE: Do you have any suggestions? Latinos, half of Whites, and 27% of poverty. Asian students. Any thoughts on that? KUNJUFU: What we need is for men to -Jawanza Kunjufu stay at home with their children. KUNJUFU: My first concern would be Fatherlessness is a demon greater do not use contraceptives, and you how this group is defining “sex.” We than racism or poverty. We’ve looked know that’s primarily the males, in need to learn from the Asian commu- at three factors: the race of the child, terms of condoms, even though there nity, where only 27% of their teens are the income of the child and whether are now female contraceptives out sexually active. The [numbers for the] the daddy stayed. And the one that there. What we’re talking about is that White community could be higher has the greatest impact on children, most sisters listen to the brother who from the perspective of oral sex and including this issue of teen-age preg- does not want to use condoms. anal sex. But you can do a lot of things nancy and sexuality, is whether the with numbers because, for example, My major concern here is the definition daddy stayed. in the White community, while the of “sex.” And we’re not [just] talking My research shows that when young figures are almost the same between about teen-agers, we’re talking about girls lack goals, they make foolish Blacks and Whites in terms of being the [former] President – “I did not have mistakes. We need to give our chil- sexually active, they outnumber us sex with that person.” When we talk dren something that they value so with regards to abortions. So, let’s not about words like “oral,” can you just much they would not want to lose it. think everything is whistle-clean in the use the one word by itself? Oral what? When little girls know they’re going to White community. They just have The same thing with anal, they’re Temple, Spelman or Howard, they abortions and we don’t. On the other connected to something. So our youth have less chance of becoming preg- hand, though, youth [of all races] still believe Clinton. As long as there is no nant early. I don’t believe you’re at risk believe that you can’t get pregnant the penetration, then we did not have sex. because you’re low-income or from a first time you have sex. Yet the So, oral sex is not sex. Anal sex is not single parent home. I believe you’re at research is showing that about one in sex, because there is no penetration; risk when you don’t have any goals. 20 youth will become pregnant the there is no pregnancy. Can you have very first time that they have sex. an STD from oral sex? Can you get AIDS from anal sex? Yes, you can. MEE: How important are religion and But just looking at our figures, 72% is spirituality to reclaiming morals and unacceptable. [And] there are some values around sexuality? other issues here that are more signifi- MEE: What is the role of the parents? cant for us. For example, AIDS is now How do they influence their children’s KUNJUFU: The first dilemma is that we the number one killer for African sexuality? have to get the youth into the church. American males. It’s now exceeded KUNJUFU: We talk a lot about why ...Continued on page 10 – 5 – From the President We’ve said for years that Black urban youth are The expert interviews we’ve shared with you in among the biggest consumers of entertain- these last two issues are just part of a much ment media. They buy more CDs than most bigger research project that has spanned nine other populations, watch the most television, cities and more than 2,000 young people. and are often the make-or-break factor for We’ve been looking at how media impacts urban movies. When you talk to young people youth sexuality and assessing how MEE and on a consistent basis like we do, you find out other communicators can successfully incor- that they often closely identify with the most porate healthy sexuality messages into various popular rappers or with the characters in their forms of media. favorite movies or TV shows. This is a critically important project because, At the same time, however, these entertainers, unfortunately, our youth are disproportionately depending on their individual life stories, may affected by many public health issues that or may not have street-level credibility when it threaten their future—HIV and other sexually- comes to behavior change. For example, how transmitted diseases, teen pregnancy and can a rapper whose videos often show him dating violence, among them. In order to derail glorifying weed give a believable, “don’t do these negative trends, we must creatively drugs” message? More often than not, our develop solutions—by any means necessary. research shows, young people truly look up to The new information gained through this the folks in their own backyard, who have research has the power to revolutionize enter- walked a mile in their shoes and who have tainment appealing to Black youth. We have dealt with the negative consequences of their enhanced the ability of directors, scriptwriters, choices. producers, musicians and others involved in the entertainment industry to weave positive Still, it would be foolish not to take advantage messages into entertainment that accurately of reaching youth “where they are,” by imbed- reflects the lives of urban youth, and at the ding pro-social messages into the entertain- same time, educates and moves them to ment media they so voraciously consume. That change behaviors that put them at risk. was our original intent when I founded MEE Productions over a decade ago. And we are Look for our exciting research report in the next just as committed to that goal today as we’ve few months. We hope that these youth-gener- ever been. ated insights into not only “what to say” but “how to say it” will lead to the development of Interestingly, other social marketers are finally programming that relates to urban youth on realizing, some for the first time, that there’s their own terms and, at the same time, helps merit in creatively sliding some positive them develop and maintain a healthier and messages into entertainment programming. higher standard of living. Since entertainment is everywhere, why not use it to give good messages? Why not throw in a little uplift and education into the mix? We understand that people of color come from an Peace! oral culture tradition, where information is shared and passed down through storytelling. That makes imbedding messages in entertain- ment a natural fit. Ivan Juzang Effectively bringing together culture and Founder and President communication was the genesis of MEE’s MEE newest research on Black youth and the media.

– 6 – Sex: Can We Talk?

Gail E. Wyatt, you knew something, you were proba- MEE: What can be done to remedy Ph.D., is an author bly doing something. Actually, that’s this? and professor of not true; the more you know, the less WYATT: I think we need educational Psychiatry and Be- you do. havioral Sciences at programs and documentaries to Drew University and speak about our history, [and] about MEE: UCLA. She is a Where do you think young people the images directed toward young licensed clinical are now? teens. [We need to] talk to them on psychologist and a WYATT: What I’ve documented [about] camera and let them tell us just how research scientist women is that curiosity is the main confused they are about who they are with the National reason that most teens have sex for and where they’re going. Institute of Mental Health. She has the first time. Their friends are talking conducted research about it. Not that their friends are MEE: What are some other issues in the areas of women and AIDS, sexual necessarily engaging in it, but they say affecting the sexual and reproductive socialization, behavior and decision-making they are. There’s a hype around it. health of urban youth? and influences on adolescent sexuality, There is a pressure on our teens to WYATT: Somehow reproduction has among others. Dr. Wyatt’s numerous scientific engage in sexuality far too early and gotten to be the ethos of adoles- publications and books involve ethnic and for the wrong reasons. To be curious cence. Sixteen is about the average cultural considerations, methodological issues about something that can kill you is in research and the effects of sexual victimiza- age of intercourse in America and contributing to why it is killing us tion on women. Her new book, No More that’s a sad commentary for a today. And we, as a community, are Clueless Sex: Ten Sexual Secrets that Work Western civilization. It should be quite not standing up to this. We’re not for Both of You, is due out in Summer, 2003 late—in fact, college educated African saying anything about it. and is co-authored by her husband. Americans tend to have intercourse around the age of 18 and 19. So we MEE: How do you feel culture impacts Curiosity is the main reason definitely know that poverty and sexuality and behavior? that most teens have sex for education have a big role in delaying WYATT: You have to understand some of these experiences. culture. It’s basic. African Americans the first time...There is a pres- Pregnancies need to be planned and have not really had the opportunity to sure on our teens to engage in anticipated or [else] what we do is take the time to define their sexuality; cycle ourselves back into poverty, it’s pretty much been defined for us. sexuality far too early and for where we’re not any better able to The template that’s been set in manage with our grandchildren than America is for us to accept what other the wrong reasons. we were our children. Children are people think about us. So, I wrote having children and grandmothers are -Gail Wyatt Stolen Women to try to set the record so young that they can’t even grand- straight. The book starts in Africa, parent. Our people are really suffering Without making too many generalities, identifying some of the common traits because we’re not doing our job. of sexual attitudes and practices, and I can tell you that economics and explains why people got so many poverty can very much set the template for a different kind of sexual MEE: How are young people defining distorted perceptions of African- their intimate relationships? descended people when we came to experience. Kids today are very much America. targeted by the media, particularly WYATT: I think intimate relationships are poor kids, and they don’t hear any defined today by what we used to call We’re not what people think we are. other message than that they are irre- “dating.” If you’re dating, that means We’re not promiscuous people who sponsible. that you are intimate. And if you’re inti- are irresponsible and cavalier about What I see is a very unfocused group mate, that means you’re having sex. our bodies. In fact, African-descended There used to be a time when dating people are very conservative. Part of of young people who don’t have a dream. They don’t have a vision as to meant you went out together and you the rules for sex are based on what were getting to know each other. Now people think and believe. And those what our agenda needs to be for the st it means [there is a] fast forward to people get those attitudes from 21 century, because I don’t think we, as adults, have said it for them. It isn’t sexual intimacy and that sometimes people who raised them. So it’s kids are having sex [in order] to get to passed along. something they set for themselves. It’s something teens can’t do. [Young know their partners. Given slavery and the whole epic people] are very much suspect to this [myth] of us being so promiscuous, whole notion that somehow their MEE: Hip-hop culture is very male- Black families tended to counter that bodies are more important than their driven. How does that impact gender by telling their children absolutely minds, and that the “booty call” really roles in intimate relationships? nothing. Because the thinking was if is what it’s all about. ...Continued on page 8 – 7 – Wyatt (continued) WYATT: Hip-hop culture is always being MEE: How important is religion or spiri- that’s an adult kind of entity. portrayed as male oriented, very tuality to reclaiming or recovering Well, children are going to experience chauvinistic, and very women-nega- some of the traditional values around sexual pleasure. What parents need to tive because a lot of women in the hip- sexuality? acknowledge is that touching your hop culture dress like boys. They’re WYATT: Spirituality is an extremely basic body feels good. It’s one of those very rough women. They curse, part of our survival. We have used that special perks that we have to aim they’re very hard and they could kick kind of future orientation as a way of towards. There’s nothing that parents your behind in a heartbeat. They’re enduring the hardship that we’ve had are going to be able to do except drive pretty much like warriors. introduced to us in this country. But their children underground so that [the But you [also] see the other side of religion and spirituality also need to be parents] have absolutely no part in that image — almost-naked women stretched a bit. Spirituality and reli- their sexual experience. And that’s not who are celebrated in all the maga- gious beliefs need to incorporate self- going to help [young people] “get to zines, including Black magazines. We acceptance and acceptance of all Cleveland.” go from one extreme to another. Well, It’s like having something very special, where’s a teen supposed to fit into a temple. Now, how do you keep this that? Either you dress like a guy or you Warnings and threats are not temple up until you get ready to open go to school with your cleavage and successful in helping kids to the doors of the temple and let navel showing and you get your body someone come in? That’s the mainte- piercings. know what to do. It’s like nance that parents need to acknowl- Girls are being mistaken as whores, saying, “Honey, I want you to edge. They need to know how the prostitutes, sex workers. And boys are body works. being mistaken as gang members go to Cleveland today.” Well, Many parents don’t have a clue as to when they don’t want to be, but they how do you get there? That’s how they got the children that they’re want to look that part so they’re not now trying to explain sex to. Sex singled out. Kids are just lost. We what we need to be teaching education is as important for children really need to take control of what’s as it is for parents. It needs to be a happening to kids in the way that they kids. family endeavor. You don’t have to are defining who they are. -Gail Wyatt know it all. I can just say, “Hey, let’s go to the bookstore or the library. Let’s MEE: What do you think those dynam- people. We really need to push our get a whole bunch of books and let’s ics bring to intimate relationships? churches and ministers  if they’re sit down on Sunday evening, family WYATT: Well, either the girl is going to not moving fast enough  to attend time. You take a chapter, I’ll take a kick your butt if she doesn’t like what the Black Religious Summit at Howard chapter, [or] I’ll read to you until you you’re doing or she’s going to be a University every July to hear the [are old enough to] read. And literally very passive vestibule for your semen messages about planned pregnancy, make this a part of the family dialogue. sexually transmitted diseases, HIV or any other disease that you have to UT offer her. Where that leads a negoti- and sex education. But I [also] think ated relationship is nowhere. that we as individuals have to take our own beliefs and our spirituality to task MEE: What about communication in and sit down with God and get right. I relationships? don’t think anybody can do that for us. WYATT: There is no communication. MEE: What do you think about Black Kids are not talking to [their] partners parents who tell their teen daughters and coming up with some sort of plan. absolutely not to have sex, without If you come up with a plan, [it could be fully providing information to help them that] “we’re going to go to school, make an informed decision? we’re going to get our education and we’re going to kiss and touch each WYATT: Warnings and threats are not other, but there is not going to be any successful in helping kids to know sex until we’re this age or we’re at a what to do. It’s like saying, “Honey, I point where we can afford the conse- want you to go to Cleveland today.” quences. And when we do [have sex], Well, how do you get there? That’s we’re going to use condoms and what we need to be teaching kids. contraceptives, so we can plan what- Many parents feel that you shouldn’t ever activities may result from our touch your body. You should not sexual activity.” masturbate. You should not experi- ence any kind of pleasure because – 8 – Hamilton-Bennett (continued) MEE: Do you think that African Americans embarrassment. We want our kids to MEE: What can young people do to differ in the way that we address sexual- do what we tell them to do and not what change the current statistics? ity versus the way mainstream does? we have done ourselves. HAMILTON-BENNETT: Females need HAMILTON-BENNETT: I think so. Many A lot of times I think the parents have a to ask themselves whether the purpose Black parents have a tendency to say, hard time being the sex educators for their life is to be used by somebody “Don’t do this because I said so” and as a sex object. Is the purpose of their that’s the end of the dialogue. White The best sort of sex education life to be impregnated by somebody? parents have more of a tendency to To become infected with an STD? To be dialogue with their kids about the is within the home...but used by some man looking for some reasons and maybe share their own maybe that’s part of the empty kind of intimacy that, when the stories more with their kids. There’s morning comes, was meaningless to more of a give and take. embarrassment. We want our them? Or is the purpose of their life to be a singer, to dance, to write, to teach Whites were probably much more sexu- kids to do what we tell them æ all of these different things that ally active, at least in the school that I they’ve been gifted to do. went to, than the African Americans. to do and not what we have They started earlier and were much done ourselves. For males, ask yourself whether the more open about it. In fact, many of purpose of your life is to go around and their parents gave them birth control -Maisha Hamilton-Bennett have as many women as you can find? and said, “Here’s birth control. Do it. To impregnate as many young girls as Just be safe with it.” Black parents, on you can? To have babies and abandon because their own choices were not the other hand, were saying, “Don’t do them? If the young man is educated good. But we’ve got to find a way as it” and refused to give birth control. We around valuing the gifts that he has, his parents to say, “I made some mistakes. can’t just tell children “this is it,” because purpose may be to be a carpenter, a But this is what I think I should have there’s no room for questions, there’s no teacher, a plumber, an athlete and done and this is what I’m suggesting room for dialogue. maybe to sing or write, too. All young you think about doing.” people need to be educated about the Adults, maybe because we have to [Our traditional values say that] positive purpose for their life. work, have turned a lot of responsibili- sexuality associates sex with a commit- ties over to other people. Instead of the When people find out what their gifts ted relationship and to reproduction for parents working with the kids, now and talents are and they start to do the perpetuation of life. Sex is a way that we’ve said, “Let the schools do it; they those things, their own currency in their two people become one, and should be have sex education. I don’t have time, own eyes goes up. They see value in sacred. [Positive sexuality] is two people it’s embarrassing. As a parent, I don’t themselves and they are not willing to committed to each other who are have to do that.” throw away or waste who they are in devoting their lives to each other, who some meaningless sexual encounter. What we need, though, in terms of solu- are trying to build a family together. tions, is for all of us to have more family Sexuality has got to be put into a UT meetings, more around the dinner table context of a loving, positive, respecting or coffee table [time where we] sit down relationship. I think right now we see sex and talk back and forth. Sharing stories more as a recreation. is a really good way to educate.

MEE: How can some of our traditional African values and beliefs help our chil- dren make better decisions? HAMILTON-BENNETT: Traditionally, African families talked about sex. It was not this deep, dark secret that you could only talk to your friends about. It was a normal and natural part of life. We’re so schizophrenic in this country. On the one hand, everything [in the media] has sex messages on it. And yet, as parents, we're embarrassed to talk about sex with our children. The best sort of sex education is within the home, with parents being role models, saying, “Not only do as I say, but do as I did.” But maybe that’s part of the – 9 – Kunjufu (continued) Hilliard (continued) It used to be, before we moved to the adults knew more than the children. choices for exposure. We have to be urban areas, that 60 to 70% of our Adulthood was based on information. looking at the big picture — what the children went to church. But now it’s But if children now are watching the kid is doing, what the parent is doing down to 30 and 40%. The group that’s same television shows that we watch, and what the economic structure is missing in action in the church are (and that’s the way we acquire infor- doing. We have to gain control of all of males –– young males. mation — many of us don’t read), that in order to make something posi- young people think that they know tive happen. Isn’t it ironic that the ones causing the what adults know. So, you have this greatest havoc in our communities, over-developed body, this overex- young Black males 12 to 19, are least MEE: It’s apparent that you believe that a posed mind. represented in church? lot of the answers to the issues involv- ing urban Black youth lie in our We have three types of churches: 1) MEE: Media has certainly played a role heritage. entertainment churches — they sing in shaping our views and thoughts HILLIARD: Yes, I think it lies in our and dance, but don’t attract young about the sexuality of Black people. heritage, but I would say even more people; 2) containment churches –– What can television and radio, for strongly that it lies in our taking charge only open on Sunday from 11 o’clock example, do to promote healthy of the processes that transmit to one, closed the rest of the week sexual values? and took your money with them; and [messages]. And of course, I would 3) liberation churches –– open seven KUNJUFU: Radio really is the way to hope heritage would be what we trans- days a week, almost 24 hours a day; reach the Black community. I don’t mit. I, without any apologies, would say they not only attract elders and monitor Tom Joyner all the time, but I that the African heritage is a better women, but young people and men. think with the kind of reach that he has guide to what our children ought to be These churches have “night-overs” nationwide, we need to have as many doing than anything that we’ve seen so where teen-agers come in on Friday at ads as possible that promote respon- far. 6 p.m. and don’t leave until Sunday sibility. Teen pregnancy’s been declin- afternoon after church. We have to ing, but it’s still unacceptable. The MEE: Then how could we use the media have churches that are willing to figures are still too high. as a vehicle to promote African values provide those kinds of programs for Robert Johnson clearly says all the and beliefs? young people. time that the “E” in BET was never for HILLIARD: Right now, the only media education; it was always for entertain- that we could have a modicum of MEE: When is a good age to discuss ment. It was never about liberation; it control over is the Internet. At the sex with a child? was always about making money. And moment, you can put anything out they feel they make more money with KUNJUFU: The research shows that there that you want to put out there, entertainment than they do with our youth are active as early as 10, 11, where before you had to wait until education. For our youth to have the 12 years of age. But the adults are not Hollywood put your movie out. If we hormones kicking in the way they are having “The Talk” until [youth are] 14 or had a conscious community that was and then watching those videos, if 15. What children want is a strong mobilized, [the Internet] is a tool that they aren’t saved they do not have a message on abstinence, from a moral could be used to get our message chance. perspective. But they also want across. adults, primarily their parents, to have more than a talk, an ongoing conver- MEE: So, these videos fuel their sexual MEE: What advice do you have for us in sation where there’s a dialogue. It’s urges? defining sexuality in the Black commu- not just the parents talking down to KUNJUFU: No question. But let me go nity? the child. In one of my books, I talk further. Remember the commercial we HILLIARD: A rear view mirror, where we about the “terrible trick.” What I mean used to have on drugs, in terms of the would consider where we were before, by that is this trick between an over- impact that drugs would have on your both in the United States and also on developed body, and an overexposed brain? It’s the same impact here with the African continent, as the basis for mind. regards to sex. Unfortunately, the TV trying to design something that we The first point of this trick is that you shows and the videos, they show the might have power over. Right now, it’s have an over-developed body. Be- beauty of sex. That’s what Satan hard for most folks to have a vision of cause of all the red meat in our diet, wants us to see –– the beauty of sex. an alternative to what kids are experi- because we are the only mothers that What about the consequences of encing. I think that vision could come give our children milk from another sex? We need to show pictures of from what we’ve already done. animal – you go into a high school what it looks like having gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia and AIDS. Youth That’s where Sankofa comes in. I have now, [and] you can’t tell the youth from a Sankofa bird [figurine] that is reaching the adults. We are growing faster than need to see that. Media can be used positively. back to get an egg that it takes out of ever before. It used to be that the way its behind. The egg is the symbol of you measured adulthood was that the UT ...Continued on page 11 – 10 – Richie (continued) taking provides opportunities to learn how you want to do things. I don’t think you learn how you want to do things because somebody says, “Here’s how you do it.” That’s how behavior change lasts over time  not because you’re afraid of what the consequences might be (which is where a lot of risk reduction programs are). But instead because you took safe risks in a controlled enough environment, with people who were going to help you process the mistake and get over it, [people who] are going to give you slack but hold you accountable. That’s how people become healthy adults. three, four, five years ago. They feel so about a way to engage young people [But] some risks are more dangerous tapped out trying to provide basic in their resistance [to the stereotypes than others. As adults, we also need to material resources just to survive. One mentioned earlier] as well as provide say, “You know what, that was over the of the consequences is that they’re not services to them, it can feel more real line. Taking that gun to school? That always able to do the other kinds of than a service that only looks at kids as was too risky.” But even if you take that things, like spend time with their kids if [the provider is saying], “Yeah, see, I gun to school is there some way to talking about sex or dealing with a kid knew you were going to come back recover from that besides getting who they think is involved in risky pregnant.” I try to give them chances kicked out of school? behavior. to do things, including risky behavior. I really want to stress that. You [only] You know that summer trip to Europe I think they want to, I think they know learn how to not take risks because that middle class kids take, where how. I think they just can’t. Another you took risks and “look what there’s often sexual experimentation part of our work has to be to change happened.” and use of alcohol? But then the trip’s that. over and they come back and they’re [Even though] it’s expensive and time- still going to go to college. It doesn’t consuming to think about deep, long- MEE: Could increased availability and mean that they’re in some [emotional] term, one-on-one relationships, they accessibility of sexual and reproductive place that they’ll never come back work. [When] kids can say “there’s this healthcare services make a difference? from. There’s no parallel thing that one person, it may not be some of my happens in low-income Black commu- RICHIE: Even though they can’t take family, but there’s this one person who nities, where you get that chance to the place of family, they need to feel like part raises me, part respects me, holds just “go wild” and then get back to the family. They need to feel close; they me accountable, gives me slack”  it real life. You end up going to jail for need to feel open. [Service providers] makes a tremendous difference. those same kind of things. need to have built in a number of Sometimes that’s what peers do, you chances for kids to fail and still be able know. But I think there also needs to to come back and get service. And be an adult influence in it. UT they need to be consistent. Whoever is working with the person needs to work MEE: Should we reframe how we look at continued with them for a long time, if they can. Hilliard ( ) risky behavior, then? They need to be comprehensive; they potential and the bird is reaching back. need to deal with “I need some RICHIE: I think of it in the biggest sense. They say, “Well, you’re going back- clothes” or “I’m trying to figure out this The best things that have happened in wards.” No, I’m going backwards in other thing,” as well as “I need some the world are because somebody took order to go forward. I’m going back protection because I’m having this a risk. They took a risk and it worked. and pulling from the past something sexual relationship.” Probably for all the times it worked, that has the potential to come out of there were fifteen times it didn’t work. that egg and become fully developed in It’s a tall order to do that, but I think that That’s what social movements are the future. I think Sankofa is the funda- distant, institutionalized, bureaucratic about. That’s what change is about. mental principle that would get us out service just won’t work, because it That’s what brilliance is about. I really of the mess we’re in. doesn’t tap into the developmental or believe in risk-taking as something that socially-constructed needs of young will make things better. UT African American urban kids. On the smaller scale, I think that risk- If we can get youth providers to think – 11 – Subscription Coupon _____ YES, Please send me a one-year subscription (four issues) of UrbanTrends at the rate of $79.00 What’sNext... _____ YES, Please send me the next issue of UrbanTrends for $39. Coming to you in the next

_____ My check is enclosed for $ ______Checks should be made payable to MEE Productions Inc. issue of UrbanTrends...

_____ Please charge my American Express credit card $ ______“IMPACTING YOUTH TO SAVE Card No. ______Exp. Date ______OUR COMMUNITIES” Subscriber Information: •HEALTH ISSUES AFFECTING URBAN Name: ______YOUTH Title: ______

Company Name: ______• CLOSING THE ACHIEVEMENT GAP Address: ______THROUGH EARLY LITERACY INITIATIVES City/State/Zip: ______• TEEN SEXUALITY TRENDS Tel: ______Fax: ______

Email Address: ______• PARENTING IN THE “REAL WORLD:” Checks should be mailed to MEE Productions Inc. CULTURALLY-RELEVANT GUIDANCE 340 N. 12th Street, Suite 503, Philadelphia, PA 19107 or you can order through MEE’s Website at www.meeproductions.com. FOR CAREGIVERS UrbanTrends This newsletter is printed under the registered trademark of MEE Productions Inc. and should not be reproduced, reprinted, or distributed without the express permission of MEE Productions Inc. Permission to photocopy for internal use can be granted by calling MEE Productions Inc. at 215.829.4920.

APUBLICATION OF MEE PRODUCTIONS INC. 340 N. 12th Street, Suite 503 Philadelphia, PA 19107 E-mail: [email protected] www.meeproductions.com