The Table of Contents Cover: Picture by Seth Akakpo-Lado

Question Mark Exclamation Point - short story by Patrick Bowey ...... 3 Scrivener Journey - poetry by Sam Davis ...... 34 Sandwiched Between Oreos - short story by Ian Normile ...... 35 Whole - poetry by Andrew Kafoury ...... 36 artwork by Alex Trunko ...... 37 Spring Ray’s Trip to the Pharmacy - short story by Isaac Williams ...... 38 Ascent - artwork by Christian Weishaar ...... 42 The Dance - short story by John Higgins ...... 43 artwork by Jacob Stange ...... 47 2015 Ode to a Muni Bond - poetry by Mr. Andy Lange ...... 50 Work in the Field - artwork by Angelo Marcallini ...... 51 The Water - short story by Suneh Bhakta ...... 52 1 The De Smet Jesuit High School Literary Sad Child artwork by Connor Larson ...... 56 Magazine

Editor John Higgins Moderator Robert Hutchison Special Thanks to Laurie Kohler and Emily Dames ‘Then why isn’t he here’ he out of anxiety. Someone next to Little Green Men thought. Back up in his room, him, a kid, no older then 17, pulled Timmy’s attitude reverted to its out a small silver cross from under cheerful innocent self as he com- his shirt, kissed it like it were the by Jonathan Strickland menced with the grand battle he love of his life, and quickly tucked had orchestrated. Waves of little it away. His lips mouthed a short Little Timmy sat alone in his kitchen; the dining room was too green men collided against a brick prayer as he stared blankly at his bedroom; a summer breeze flowed big for just the two of them. “When wall of grey soldiers. “We’re losing boots. Thinking it might be his through an open window rustling you finish eating and clean up men!” Timmy said in a deep tone. last chance to do so, the young curtains and papers alike. Sit- your bowl then you can go back to Followed by various bangs and man pulled out a small photograph ting cross-legged on the oak floor, your toys okay?” pew-pew-pews Timmy said again from his pocket; a boy, his son, Timmy admired his most recent in the disgruntled voice, “We need smiled at him with all the joy and creation: two large armies of toy “Okay mama!” Timmy piped as to push them back! You, you, and innocence any child should have. soldiers stood opposite each other he sat in the chair opposite her. you with me!” He grabbed the “Hey Richie!” a man behind on an imaginary battlefield, one soldiers to whom he had called him shouted over the roaring army green, and the other grey. “So are you excited to start and pushed them forward into winds, “Helluva vacation eh?” Making sure not to knock any of kindergarten honey?” His mother enemy lines. One figurine stood Richard felt a strong hand pat his them over, Timmy stood up and, asked. out in front of the group; Timmy’s soldier. “We’re gonna be okay man, assuming the role of General for hands whipped around knock- “Do I have to go mama, can’t I just get up the beach fast as you the green army, gave a hardy ing over grey troops in the man’s just stay home?” can, you’ll see your boy again I salute. He then knelt down and wake as he cut them down almost promise!” Suddenly, an explosion was about to start what seemed to single-handedly. His comrades fell “No sweetie, you and all the rattled the boat to its core, gears be the battle of the century in his all around him as he continued other boys and girls have to go.” started spinning, and the front bedroom when his mother called onward. They both enjoyed a hefty bowl of wall of the vessel dropped. from the kitchen. soup and Timmy did as his mother A young man stood cramped asked and cleaned up his dishes “OUT, OUT, OUT!” one of the “Timmy! Lunch is ready, come inside a small iron boat, sur- after they were both finished. Be- soldiers cried. Bullets snapped wash up!” Her somber tone went rounded by younger and older men fore galloping back up to his room, through the floating coffin as both unnoticed by Timmy as he was too who all looked just as uneasy as Timmy waited a moment. boys and men charged out onto the perplexed with the plastic spec- he. The sky was a dusty grey as sloppy red sands of France; the tacle on the floor. they sloshed forward towards an “Mama, when is Papa coming equally gloomy beach. Ocean spray whole place smelled of death and home?” he questioned. His mother “Just a minute mama!” He regularly covered the huddled nothing could be heard above the stopped washing her bowl and shouted, hoping she could under- men, and off on the distant sands unending drone of gunfire. Rich- placed it on the counter beside her. stand that he was desperately they could hear the crackles of ard ducked his head and charged She leaned her hands on the sink needed to command his soldiers. gunfire and thuds of explosions; forward, sand spat up at his heels and took a deep breath. the closer they crept the louder it as he dove behind a jack-shaped “Not in a minute, now Timo- all grew. hunk of metal where a group “It’s bad luck to ask that thy!” She countered. With a sigh of still-breathing bodies were Timmy. You’re daddy Richard’s do- of momentary defeat, Timmy went “Door drops in 30!” a deep huddled. The men he was with ing some real good work for those downstairs to eat voice shouted from a heightened only moments ago were gone; they kind folks across the ocean; they seat at the back of the boat, his either didn’t make it out of the “I made your favorite chicken need his help. Now go play, and hands clamped around a small Higgins at all or were torn apart soup dear,” she was seated at know that your papa loves you steering wheel. The young man by heavy German machineguns. a small table they kept in the more than anything in the world.” looked over his gear one last time The boat itself had been engulfed Timmy walked out without a word. Invest by Mr. Andy Lange

Invest when you’re young Uncle Sam does allow Tax-free it will grow If you pay taxes now

No thank you tax man I’ll keep what is mine Go get someone else Keep your 1099

Money markets and CDs artwork by Zachary Katigbak I guess but no thanks in a hellish flame. “Thank you sweetie, I’m glad Need no FDIC you like it.” She smiled wide at Leave those at the banks “Move up the beach! Get to him and they continued eating. that seawall NOW!” an older man “Are you excited for your first day At Merrill, Schwab, or Ed Jones boomed. of second grade tomorrow?” she You will find asked. An account just for you “Fuck this I’m staying!” an- It’s one-of-a-kind other man shouted back. “Oh boy am I, Joe and Dillan are going to be there and we’re Stocks and bonds; ETFs “If you stay here you DIE here going to have lots of fun.” he excit- Many investments to try corporal! Now move!” edly responded. Tax-sheltered returns Can grow to the sky “MORTARS!” “You’ll have a wonderful time,” his mother affirmed, “I just know Richie heard the blood- Retirement savers unite it.” After they finished, Timmy curdling cry too late as the world We’re well on our way was cleaning their bowls and cups erupted under his feet. The vehicle for us while his mother wiped off the Is a Roth IRA Timmy and his mother sat table. down for dinner. “I made chicken “Hey mama,” Timmy said soup.” His mom said tenderly, softly. “your favorite.” They both sat with full bowls and ate in silence. “Yes dear?”

Breaking the quiet tension, “When is papa coming home?” Timmy spoke up, “the soup is deli- cious mama.” again. Louder than before. excruciating pain I have ever felt. I had Santa Claus Isn’t to limp the rest of the way through the “Magic?” Jordan said, still woods. laughing. “I can’t believe you still Coming to Town believe in this baloney! You are such a When I got out of the woods, I child!” saw that I beat him back to the house. I limped back to our house and I waited by Christopher Noonan Tommy, with tears in his awhile for him to come home and talk eyes, pushed Jordan out of the way and to him about this whole Santa Claus My name is Brian. I was in sixth was just about to be dropped on my lit- started running. I got up from my chair business. I must have waited for hours. grade. Christmas was coming around. I tle brother. The truth about Santa Claus. and went up to Jordan. “What the heck Where the hell was he? Did he get lost was so happy I could barely hold in my I wanted to get up and stop Jordan right man! Why did you do that?” in the storm? I just waited and hoped he excitement. It was very rainy at school then and there. But for some reason, was ok. I wanted to go look for him by one day, so for recess I just hung around I couldn’t move. I should’ve moved. “What did I do?” said Jordan “He myself, but then I might get lost myself. and worked on my homework. While But I didn’t. I stayed where I was, and was gonna find out sooner or later I knew I needed to wait for my parents. doing so, I see my little brother Tommy watched Jordan tell Tommy the truth. anyways.” Oh man my parents. What were they talking to his best friend Jordan about I felt like a statue about to witness a going to do to me? Tommy was my re- “Well it should’ve been later!” I what they wanted to get for Christmas. tragic event, and helpless to do anything sponsibility. Why didn’t I stop Jordan? I wanted to listen to my brother to make about it. said. I then start running after him. He sure I got him the thing he wanted for ran out of the school doors into the By the time my mom and dad came Christmas. Jordan gave a little chuckle and storm and started running back home. home, they asked where Tommy was said “I can’t believe this! You are such When I ran out the door, I lost sight of and why I walked with a limp. I told “I really hope that I get that new a child!” him. He was still young, so I knew the them what happened and that he hadn’t RC Airplane for Christmas! Those only place he could run to was back returned home yet. My mother tells me things look so cool!” Tommy said. His “What? What is it? Just tell me!” home. Luckily, I knew a shortcut back to go to bed and everything will be ok. face lit up with excitement. I knew I had to our house he still didn’t know about. I could sense a disturbance in her voice. “Dude, Santa Claus isn’t real. He’s bought the right thing then. It was a path in the woods that only I A sense of worrying. I went upstairs just a made up character made by par- and a few of my buddies knew about. in my room and lay in my bed. I just ents. I still don’t know why they would Jordan shared Tommy’s excitement. The rain made it harder to go by this stared at the ceiling thinking. I couldn’t come up with such a fake lie.” “Dude, those things are so awesome! path, but I just had to make it before believe what was going on. It was all I’ve been begging my parents to get me Tommy. While running back home, Tommy’s face lost all its color. my fault. I couldn’t sleep so I started one for Christmas. They keep telling me my mind started racing. It was my job my way back downstairs. I was halfway how expensive it is so I don’t know if “How could you say that? Santa Claus to bring Tommy to and from school is real! He is!” Tears started coming down when I see my mother and father they will get it for me or not.” safely. Now he’s off all by himself talking to each other. down his eyes. and it’s all my fault. Why didn’t I stop Tommy had a look of confusion on Jordan when I had the chance? I was “Tommy, get a grip of yourself. “Honey,” my father said, in his face. “Um, why would you ask your so scared. If I didn’t get home in time Face the facts. Do you really believe his most soothing voice, “everything is parents to get you one for Christmas? before Tommy…actually, I didn’t want that some fat man could travel millions gonna be alright. I just know it is. The Can’t you just write a letter to Santa and to think about that. I started climbing of miles in one day? On a sled with police said they will send out a search he will make it for you?” over logs, rocks, mud holes, everything. reindeer no less! Oh, and if he’s so fat, party and they will find him safe and I tried climbing this small cliff, but how does he even get into the chim- sound. Don’t worry.” “Oh, you don’t know yet do you?” the rain made it all slippery. I grabbed ney’s?” onto a branch to pull me up, but the “How can I not worry!?” my “Know what?” “He uses magic” Tommy said in branch broke! I started sliding back mother yelled. Tears were coming down Oh no. It was happening. The bomb a soft voice. Jordan started laughing down the hill and I landed on my leg. I her cheeks. “Our son is missing and heard something crack. It was the most you’re telling me to not worry?! I’m a mother! It’s my job to worry! I just My dad grabbed her and held her know something bad happened, I just tight. know it! I can feel it.” The police officer took a deep “Honey, it’s gonna be fine. He breath and said “We found him on the probably just got lost. The police will side of the road. Pretty beat up. We find them.” believe he was hit by a car. The driver must have gotten scared and dragged “I can’t just sit here and wait the body to the side of the road. I’m so while my baby boy is alone. I’m going sorry for your loss. I have a little daugh- out to look for him too.” ter myself. Not much older than your Tommy. If you need anything, don’t be Just then, the door bell rung. afraid to call.” And he gave my father My mother quickly ran to the door and his card, and went back to his police car opens it. At the front door is a police and drove off. officer. He took off his police cap and looked at my mother, his eyes filled I couldn’t believe it. My little with regret, like he was about to say brother was dead. He died sad. If people something drastic. He told her “I’m sor- die, they should die happy and with no ry ma’am. We found your boy Tommy.” regrets. My brother died with the loss of his imagination. I was never able to give “No…no.” My mother started fall- him that RC Airplane he wanted. It now ing down, like her legs just turned to just sits on his old dresser, still wrapped, jelly. “NOOOO!” she yelled. She started with the tag saying: crying like I’ve never seen before.

To: Tommy From: Santa Claus

artwork by Chris Mausshardt tions just as easy as the first one. tomorrow at your interview. So Parable of Preparation Eric filled out the exam, and he just like Eric, you need to prepare was done within about ten min- yourself the best you can, but most by Matt Meyer utes. Eric turned it in and asked importantly, you need to have the teacher why the test was so faith and believe. You can get the A man just out of college also know that some of you are easy. The teacher replied, ‘You had job. I know you can. You just have named Henry visited home to get just about done with it and ready faith. You believed. You knew all to know it. It’s not about what the some tips from his dad. At three for summer. So, I have come up you had to do was try your hardest other seventy percent of the class o’clock the next day, Henry had with a proposition for you all. and prepare yourself, and I want- does or believes; it’s all about what a very important job interview. You can have your grade curved ed to reward those who remained you believe and what you do.” Hen- Henry didn’t think that he could right now and not take the exam, because of their faith in their abili- ry’s father got up and left. get the job. or, for those of you looking to get ties.’ Son, anything can happen that last boost in your grade, you Henry asked, “Dad, what can take the exam and have the should I do to prepare myself for curve applied after.’ The teacher the job interview tomorrow? I am then asked for a show of hands. Parable of the Two very nervous about it, and I need Roughly 70% of the class chose help.” not to take the exam. The teacher Hunters stated, ‘Ok, those of you with your His dad told him he needed to hand up, you are done with this by John Brennan have faith, do his best, and study class. Congratulations on a hard hard. semester of work. Have fun and be safe. You are now done with There once were two deer first hunter shot carelessly and That answer didn’t satisfy my class. You may go.’ Now, there hunters. One was interested in often with no regard to waste. If Eric, and he was still nervous. were only about fifty kids remain- hunting purely for the fun in ob- the size of the antlers didn’t sat- ing. The teacher gave warning, taining his trophy and showing off isfy him, he walked away from the His father noticing this asked, ‘This is the last chance you have. his prized mounted deer head. The deer letting it lay dead to spoil. “Son, have I ever told you of my If you don’t leave now, you have other hunter enjoyed the hobby for The second hunter was me- old college friend Eric?” to take the exam.’ Another twelve quite a different reason. thodical, patient, and clear in his kids left. The teacher watched the The second hunter prepared purpose. His goal was to quietly The son answered, “No, I don’t last few walk out the door, and for the hunt by making food plots, wait for the largest deer, so he think you have.” then he turned to his students. cleaning up trails, making sure could share the meat of the animal He said, ‘For those of you remain- stands were safe, and even sighted with his neighbor who was without His dad told the story, “I was ing, I wish you luck. Study hard in his gun. He had a map of the work and could not feed his family. just about your age, and it was and come prepared. Thanks, class farm and set up game cameras to He did not care about the trophy; the week before final exams. My is dismissed.’ Now, my old friend track the deer in advance of the only for the people who couldn’t friend and roommate, Eric, took Eric was one of those few students season. This gave him information provide food on the table for their an Organic Chemistry class. The remaining. I remember Eric study- on the best place to hunt. family. class was so difficult that the class ing for hours on end each and ev- average was around a 50%. To ery day that week, and then, exam The first hunter didn’t re- The first hunter worried about help with this, the teacher curved day came. Eric went to his exam. ally care for all the prep work his own selfish want for the big- the class, and he proposed a ques- He read the first question, ‘How that should be done before every gest prize he could display. The tion to the students. The teacher many Oxygen atoms are in H2O?’ season. second hunter, who was caring said, ‘Students, I know we have Eric was shocked. The entire exam and giving, was the model for all covered a lot in this class, and I was filled with about twenty ques- On the day of the hunt the hunters. Parable of the Parable of the Student Fourth-Line Hockey During Finals Week by Haydn Boldt Player While finals week was ap- putting it off for a while.” proaching fast at DeSmet, every by Will Carter student was frantically trying to Matt asked him, “What if right maintain their study habits and now I said I have three million dol- After practice one day, a and skills. When it came time to keep up with all of their subjects. lars waiting for you in the back of hockey coach began a speech about choose the captain for the team, I For Johnny, however, it was my car? All you have to do is wake work ethic and growth. Then, one chose the fourth-liner.” another case. It had been the first up tomorrow morning at 2:00 and forward on the fourth line asked day of finals and he knew he failed run all the way from your house to his coach, “Why do I put forth ten The fourth-line player looked the first two exams. He had been DeSmet. What would you do?” times more effort than the first- at his coach in bewilderment, won- desperately trying to stay on task Johnny, now laughing, said liners in practice yet still are not dering why he would ever choose and study as much as possible for “I’d be right here waiting for you as good as they are? What is the a fourth-liner over a star player as every subject, but other events at 2:00 AM to bring me that two point in trying if I will never be as captain. The coach told him that a and distractions caught his eye million dollars.” accomplished as them?” player can be the reincarnation of keeping him from the books. Even Mario Lemieux, but if he does not though he realized he was putting “Exactly!” said Matt, “So The coach dwelled on this put the blood, sweat, tears, and off his work, Johnny complained to you’re not a procrastinator. You question for a while, and finally every piece of his heart into the all of his friends explaining that it just need to realize that people replied, “Once, I coached a team game, he will never be successful. was just procrastination keeping who achieve good grades on these up in Minnesota and I had two In life, if you do not give one- him from studying. exams understand how important polar-opposite players. One was hundred percent of your effort into this is to their life. Successful peo- so skilled that he was a legend in something you strive to become, “I really want to study but ple know that in order to succeed Minnesota, and claimed to have you will never reach your goal. whenever I think I want to my they have to make it a mentality the filthiest mitts in high school; mind tells me to put it off,” he and set their priorities straight; I had him on the first line. The The coach then told the player, would always say. “I am such a make studying for the exams the second player had played hockey “I want the team’s captain to be procrastinator.” only thing on your mind and when all of his life, but never had the someone who displays remarkable you complete that goal, you’ll feel same talent as the first player; effort and encourages the entire He then one day went to one of so much better.” therefore, I put him on the fourth team to equal him in his work his good friends, Matt, and asked, ethic, and forming a stronger team “Why am I such a procrastinator?” line. The first player never tried at As the next two days went practice and did not do any ad- as a whole. Fourth-liners are the Matt looked at him and by, Johnny walked out of DeSmet ditional training, while the second heart and soul of the team.” laughed, saying, “Procrastination knowing that this summer was player was on the ice every single is something that doesn’t exist. It’s going to feel ten times better with day working on his fundamentals The player never complained about his skills again. made up; you just don’t have your a few more A’s riding on his report priorities straight.” card.

Johnny said in reply, “What do you mean? I have my priorities straight, I just can’t study without and shines upon this land like the The emperor continued, “Son, Parable of the Emper- sun, how do the poets feel?” in life, like the rain and the moon there will be people who look up The son replied, “The poets are upon it and look down upon it. The or’s Wise Decision well for they have such a beautiful same goes for you and me in life, event to write about.” there will be people who look up upon us and look down upon us. by Michael Tran The emperor smiled and con- tinued, “And the robbers, how do “What should we do with those A long time ago in Ancient Chi- son were walking in the market they feel?” that look down upon us?” the son na, there lived an emperor who was place when a monk came to the asked. wise and well-loved throughout the emperor to commend him for such The son replied, “They are an- land. One day, the leader of his a wise decision and gave him a gry for the light from the moon will The emperor replied simply, army came to him and said, “Your blessing. The farmer that had lost give them away.” “Look up.” majesty, we have caught the man his crops due to the man came up responsible for burning our crops. to the emperor. Filled with rage, What shall we do with him?” he lunged at the emperor with a knife. The emperor’s guards Some people thought that since quickly threw him to the ground the man had caused such damage and threw him into prison. The em- within the community, he should peror’s son, traumatized from such be put to death immediately. The an event asked his father, “Father, emperor looked at the man as the why can all the people not see that man looked back with embarrass- you made a wise decision, but must ment and shame. The emperor go and commit such cruel acts to- knew that the man was ashamed wards you?” for what he had done. However, the emperor also knew that he should The emperor looked at his son carry out some form of justice. He and asked, “Son, when it rains how looked into the man’s eyes and said, do the farmers feel?” “I exile you from this great land.” His son replied, “The farmers The man was taken out into rejoice for they know their crops the wild and exiled. Most of the will flourish.” emperor’s people thought this was fair, considering that the man only The emperor was pleased with burned down a small portion of a his son’s response and continued larger crop and that death was too to ask, “Son, when it rains, how do much of a punishment. However, the merchants selling their goods others thought the emperor’s deci- here in the marketplace feel?” sion was unfair, they believed that the emperor should have made The son replied, “They would an example out of the man and to be disappointed, for one would be a show others that such an act made fool to shop in the rain.” the community weaker. The emperor was pleased with One day, the emperor and his his son’s response and asked, “Son, when the moon is bright at night artwork by Zachary Katigbak him and could probably kill him. tight end. The Loners But then Will thought maybe if he talked back and was beaten up he “I know you have hated me would be able to leave this school ever since your high school crush by Ben Uxa or get attention. So instead of say- fell for me instead of you, but if ing anything, he just gave the me- you have a problem, you come talk Will was having a great they could do something about it. diocre kid the finger. When the kid to me. I really do not want to have dream, like any other teenage boy How about your counselor?” saw him he gave him the devil’s to tell anyone about this, espe- would, when all the sudden the look and said, “You’re dead.” Will cially Coach.” noise in which he hated the most “I have, but they all just think quickly ran away and headed for There was a complete silence went off, “Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! I’m lying and tell me ‘I have better somewhere where he could hide- in the bathroom until Chad shout- Beep!” He woke up looking at a things to do and worry about than the bathroom. He hid in the stall, ed “FUCK YOU!” and walked out. ceiling wall, and realized that he a kid who is struggling in his first fearing that the monster would week of school.’ Can you please do follow him. He then heard the door was awake and out of his dream. “Hey man, sorry you had to something?” open and his heart started to beat He rolled over and looked at his deal with that guy, he just is a big as fast as a phone book in a dryer. clock, and said “Ugh, I just want fat jerk, but I would never say that “Tell you what- if you are still He looked through the crack of the this week to be over.” It was Mon- to him. My name’s Mitch, what’s upset by the end of this week, I stall door, but could see no one. day morning and Will was dread- yours?” ing high school. He rolled himself will take you out of the school and He then quickly texted his parents place you at the other high school down the stairs to the kitchen saying, “Help, I need to get out Having a look of confusion on in town.” where his mom was making him of this place ASAP. PLEASE!!!” his face, Will said “My name is breakfast and his dad was rushing When he looked up from texting, Will agreed and then eats his Will Walton, nice to meet you.” around getting ready to go off to he saw the huge kid staring at him breakfast and got ready to go. work. and said “Gotcha.” The kid ripped M&M and invited Will to Before he walked out the door, his open the door, and grabbed him come watch their game on Friday mom says “Will, don’t you ever “Mom, can I please not go to and said “You’re going to pay.” night. After finding out that Will forget that I love you.” His father, high school? Everyone is mean to Will tried pleading his case, but was good with numbers, he asked still rushing around, did not say me and I hate going to a place that the kid just laughed in a creepy him if he would like to become anything to his son, until his wife I don’t feel welcomed.” kind of way. their manager and statistician. signaled for him to say goodbye. Will gladly accepted, and they “But honey, you’ve only been The giant was about to dunk then gave each other a high five there for about a week. Trust me; I He then shouted to Will “Have Will’s head in the toilet, when a good day and I love you too!” and said to each other “See you know that you will be able to make someone shouted “STOP!!! What around.” friends. Just wait a little bit more; the fuck do you think you’re doing I know you will be able to settle in Chad? Are you seriously going to When Will came home, sometime.” During school, Will was beat this kid up? You could ruin he had a smile on his face. As he still having a hard time fitting in the team’s playoff chances this walked in the door, his mother “But Mom! Everyone does with the people and lifestyle. He season.” It was Mitch McCoy, the rushed to him and said, “Are you cruel things to me. I have had stu- was tripped in the hallway by a quarterback of the varsity football okay? Oh my gosh, I saw your text dents yell at me, call me names, student who looked like he could squad, who came in to help save and was nervous sick the whole spit at me, laugh at me, and other play in the NFL. Instead of saying Will. day. What happened? I will take cruel things.” sorry, he said “Watch where you’re you out of there right away.” “Just because you’re the team walking nerd!” Now Will couldn’t “Well, have you told any of captain hot shit,” exclaimed Chad fight back or say anything because Will responded, “I’m fine mom, the teachers or principal? I’m sure Cunningham, the team’s offensive the guy was ten times the size of I actually have some good news, but I will wait to tell you when dad told Mitch to lead his team away, gave the play, and then when “Man, why in da hell did gets home.” Mitch had a grin on his face and team went to the line of scrim- Coach give Mitch da game ball. stood up and yelled, “Everybody mage, he went up to Chad and Dude can’t even carry this team. At dinner his mother was up! Now we got six minutes to put his shirt and said “Hey, for I hate how we do all the work and anxious to hear what he was going play our hearts out, let’s take it to one play let’s put everything aside we bust our ass and he gets all the to say, finally saying “Well, tell us the field and show them what we and stop acting like me hate each credit.” what happened, c’mon I’m dying to are made of!!!” Will noticed that other.” hear the big news!” all the players yelled and were Scott was nodding his head as motivated by his words, except for When he was done saying that, Cordarelle said this. “Yeah, and I “Okay!!! Are you ready…? Chad. He just calmly walked out of all Chad had to say was “Whatever hate how he feels like he needs to I love this high school!!! I made the locker room and onto the field. man.” control this team both on and off some new friends today, and then Throughout the game, the teams the field. He ain’t Coach, so why I was asked to be their manager were neck and neck. Will could Mitch came to the line and try acting like one.” for the football team.” He then tell that there were several points got set, then yelled “HIKE!” He explained all that had happened where the team was not in sink dropped back in the pocket, then “Scott, you know he is Coach’s that lead up to that point of the throughout the game- While on saw Chad open and threw a deep favorite? It’s because he acts like a day. After it all, his parents were offense, Mitch never passed it to bullet to him, which made the fucking little suck up and most es- ecstatic and thrilled to hear that his tight end Chad, even if he was whole crowd go on their feet. Chad pecially because his dad is loaded he made friends and loved going wide open. He would frustrate the caught it, then soared into the end with money and if Coach don’t there. Both his parents had some- team because he decided to run zone and scored the game winning let Mitch do what he wants then thing to look forward that Friday the ball himself a lot of the times touchdown. The whole team went his dad will stop being a booster. night, which would be watching and he would always bitch to them nuts, and even Will ran onto the I hate how some people act like the football team play and most and tell them what to do, even if field to celebrate. Mitch ran up to fucking know-it-alls and get important seeing their son be they were doing this right. At one Chad hoping for a chest bump, but everything they want cause their happy. When Will went to bed that play in the game, Chad was tired instead found himself chest bump- parents are loaded.” night, he was so excited to go back of Mitch’s bitching, and instead of ing the air. Mitch could not take hearing to private high school that he now blocking the other team’s lineman, In the locker room Mitch was their conversation about him any- loved. He was thinking about all he let him run right at Mitch and given the game ball. This easily more, so he quickly grabbed his the people that he would become hit him so hard that it looked like pissed off Chad- “What the hell! phone and quietly left the locker friends with at his high school. He a bus had hit him at 100 mph. C’mon Coach you know if it wasn’t room. slept good that night, real good. Coach called a timeout right away, for me we would not be celebrating and called the players over to the right now. I hate how you always “Cordarelle, you know we sidelines. do everything for Mitch; he’s such haven’t even gotten to the worst The football game that Will and most awkward part yet- Mitch “What the hell is going on out a suck up! That’s it, I’m out!” Chad had been waiting for the whole is going to want to have an after there?!?! You two need to get your stormed out of the locker room. week had finally come. During party tomorrow at his house like shit that together and stop acting their time in the locker room, he After all the players left the he always does after every win. like a bunch of bitchy teenage girls noticed that neither Mitch nor locker room after the game, Mitch I don’t get why he feels like he and start play the damn game like Chad said anything to each other realized that he forgot his phone wants to do this- whether it be the superstars that you are!!! You or went over the plays or did a pre- in his locker. As he reached his to make friends or show off his guys got ten second left to give our game ritual. They even didn’t look locker, he heard footsteps walking home.” team a victory, so go out there and at each other. Chad was Mitch’s through the locker room. It was win it for your team.” tight end, so Mitch depended Mitch’s top wide receivers, Cor- “Yeah, he acts like a fucking dictator, and after we win, he feels greatly on him for protection and Back at the huddle, Mitch darelle Revis and Scott McCanty. being a receiver. When Coach like he needs to show his gratitude towards us on da win.” After Chad heard her say that, much this is going to hurt my that his dad was not around, but he quickly turned around and reputation and future? I could get then he would remember that he “Well Cordarelle, let’s just go rushed back to Mitch and Lyla. in so much trouble. UGH! You’re is the only person who has been in but not talk to him and just stay “Why are you into this control crazy to think that I don’t care his life for so long. on Chad’s side. I’ll even get every- freak? He’s just going to control about you- I love you so much. For one to do it so it could hopefully your life, and make you do things you to do something like this must While watching T.V., Chad make a statement. for his benefit and not give a shit mean that you don’t care about heard stumbling footsteps coming about what you want to do. You me. I need to leave and let this up to his front door- he knew who When Mitch walked out should have someone who will all sink in.” After this dispute, all it was and became fearful. His dad of the locker room, he saw Chad love you with respect and give you three went their separate ways to busted the door open, and stum- leaning on the fence by the football excitement. That someone could be think things over. bled through the house. When he field and walked up to Chad and me.” stumbled upon the television room said “Hey man look, you’re a great Since Chad lived close by where Chad was, he just stared at athlete but the obvious choice for “Lyla honey, what is he talk- his school, he walked home. We he him for a while. the game ball was me because I ing about?” opened the door, he shouted “Pops, am the leader of this team and I’m I’m home. You here?” After say- “So, how’d my boy do out the one who threw the ball. I know Lyla was quiet and just tried ing this, complete silence had just there?” you understand this.” to pretend like she didn’t hear flowed through the whole house. anything. Chad looked very in- Chad did not like the thought of “It was great! We won and I “Are you fucking serious right trigued by this conflict. “Oh, you this, because he knew that his dad got the game-winning touchdown now? You’re such a little bitchy didn’t tell him?” was probably out drinking, which catch! Although, I was not given dictator on our team, you feel you he usually did almost every night. the game ball. Instead it had been need to control every player’s life Chad looked very confused. Chad did not have really anymore given to Mitch, which pisses me and tell what to do and what not “Tell me what?” family besides his dad, his mother off, but it is what it is.” Chad said to! You got to stop being so self- had left them around the time this while trying to block out the “Well Mr. Perfect, your so centered and listen to guys around when he was in elementary school stench of alcohol. called girlfriend has had sex with besides your parents and Coach.” and he did not have any siblings. me several times during your His father looked at him in As far as living went, he lived in a Chad then walked away relationship and enjoys it, which dismay. “Boy, what have I told you very small house, and had numer- without saying anymore. Just as is why we have done it several over and over? I want a winner in ous jobs to help pay for their ne- he was walking away, he heard a times.” this household, someone who is cessities and to make ends meet, familiar voice and stopped to this. always given the game ball! God especially since his father was in After hearing Chad say this, dammit!!! If you can’t do that then no state to be able to have a stable “Mitch baby, you played great Lyla quickly tried to defend her- I’m gonna have to give you a les- job. Instead of Chad’s dad taking out there, you looked so sexy out self. “Baby I can explain! You see, son!” there. I don’t care what anyone I always have wanted to make love care of him, Chad had to take care has to say badly about you, just with you, but you seem to never be of both himself and his father. Not After hearing this, Chad knew know this- you were the best one in the mood because you’re so fo- only was Chad’s dad an alcoholic, that this was going to be one hell out there and you carried the team cused on football. You never show but he also was an abusive parent. of a night for him. Before this on your back the whole entire time how much you care for me, unlike Whenever Chad did not meet his happened, he popped open a fresh of the game.” It was Mitch’s girl- Chad who has respected me and father’s needs, his father felt like beer to take away his angers and friend and Chad’s old crush, Lyla. has shown love for me. he needed to give him a beating sadness. She had smooth brunette hair, an to teach him a lesson. All that amazing body, the face of an angel, “You had sex with this prick! I Chad dealt with in life made him The next day, the whole and smelt like roses all the time. can’t believe you would do some- become more and more anger with team, including Will, went to a thing like this. You know how the world. Chad sometimes wished party at Mitch’s house. At the party, Will noticed that most of Mitch just stood there help and pulled Mitch back and game winner!” the people were centered on hang- having a number of things go- told him to calm down. When ing with Chad and leaving Mitch ing through his head. He really Chad got up slowly, he went up to “Great for him. You think I out in the cold for being a suck up. wanted to give Chad a lesson, but Mitch. give a shit about it?” Mitch tried talking with anyone, knew that there would be conse- but every person just turned their quences. If he beat him up, Coach He did not say a single word “Dude, Coach was talking shoulder to him. Will also saw how could get furious with him and but just stared at Mitch. Without about you; you’re the one who Mitch was the only one not drink- bench him. Not only would his saying anything, he just walked made the ‘tremendous touchdown’ ing at a party hosted by him. Will parents be upset him throwing a out of Mitch’s house and on his last Friday.” decided to join in a conversation party, but they would especially way home. “That is probably the biggest with Mitch and not drink as well. hate for him to get in a fist fight. load of crap that someone could He himself would be put in danger give to me just to try and make “So Mitch, how come you don’t because he knew that Chad would It was that time again, me feel better. You know Coach is drink?” fight back. But if he didn’t fight practice after the first day of the talking about Mitch.” back, the team and everyone at school week. After the fight oc- “Well, I just don’t want it to the party would see him as a weak curred at Mitch’s house Saturday “No he’s not! You have always hurt my football career. Plus I person instead of the leader that night, tensions seemed to be pretty wanted to go to Oregon and play don’t feel like I want to embarrass he should be seen as. There was high- neither Mitch nor Chad talk- D1 ball and have the chance to go myself in front of anyone if I were also a slight possible chance that ed to each other, they didn’t even to the pros.” to get drunk. The only reason I someone at the party would feel look at each other in the eyes, and offered to have a party here was the urge to call the police. This there was just complete silence. “Yeah, but I’m still not believ- because I knew that I would not moment would affect the person The whole team tried throwing ing you, because Coach doesn’t have been welcomed at anyone that he is supposed to be and hurt the whole event under the bus, but give a shit about where I go, all he else’s house.” everything that he has worked for knew that the topic would some- cares about is Mitch and to make up to this point. Mitch closed his As the two were talking, Chad how come up at some point. sure he goes to a great college. If I eyes and took a deep breath. It felt stumbled upon them looking tried to impress scouts or try and like this decision took hours, but wasted. “Dude, dude, dude, guess get full rides to colleges to play in real time it took about fifteen what?” Cordarelle Revis was rush- ball, I would have to do it myself.” “Hey everybody, look at these seconds. Finally, he walked up to ing towards Chad. two losers here. You know that Chad and without any hesitation, “Dude, you need to start no one likes you guys. I can keep socked him right in the mouth and “What?” believing in yourself! Fuck Mitch! taunting you and you want do said “You get the hell out of my His pussy ass wouldn’t do shit at nothing about it.” Mitch just was house, you drunk bastard!” But “You’re not going to believe Oregon and we all know it, even silent and stared at him. Chad Chad would not go down without this!” Coach.” kept taunting them- “C’mon why a fight, and tried fighting back “What? Dude tell me!” Chad “Dude, I’m still not believing you not want to fight?” but was easily beaten the crap out of since he was drunk. When was so anxious to hear what Cor- what you say. Hell, Coach could “Because I’m more civilized Chad fell to the ground, Mitch still darelle had to tell him. be talking about our Tre Dawson.” and know that my ass would be kept punching him. Each time he (Tre had an impressive game-win- “I was walking by Coach’s of- handed to me by Coach and my brought his fist back to wind up ning TD run about a month ago). fice, and I overheard him talking parents.” for another punch there would “I’m not buying that he’s talking be more blood that was dripping on the phone to what seemed to about me, I’m just not.” “You’re such a goodie-goodie, from it. Will tried ever so hard to be a scout from Oregon about our you pussy.” pull him back, but finally the rest great offensive player who made When the players walked of the team saw that Will needed a tremendous touchdown for the out onto the field, Mitch walked past Chad. Before Chad could say “MITCH! Get your ass over here!” anything, Mitch quickly told Chad “Please don’t tell Coach what had Mitch walked over slowly and happened over the weekend, it looked like he was going to shit would be beneficial for both of us.” bricks. “Yeah Coach?”

“It would benefit us both? Or “So what’s this fight I heard would it just benefit you, ’cause we about between you and Chad?” all know that even if I told Coach what happened, he wouldn’t do “Well, you see- I was- he nothing and just let you be, but he was- Alright, I only beat him up would punish the hell out of me.” cause he was drunk at my house and calling me a pussy in front of As the team lined up for everyone. I had to defend myself, stretching, Coach walked by Chad you understand that Coach. Don’t and saw that he had a black eye, you?” bruised chin and cheeks, and a busted lip. At that moment, Chad had the look of the devil and seems “I see the father has not been liked he wanted to kill Mitch, and so nice to you lately. You okay?” he knew that Coach was going to punish him hard. “My father ain’t done squat to me lately.” “What the fuck is wrong with you! Chad you need to get your “Well, if it wasn’t your father, fucking heading out of your ass than who was it?” and start to use a word I like to call control. You’re done! You’re “Coach, I’d rather not say.” not playing this Friday, even if we really needed you.” “C’mon Chad, I care about every player on my team and I “Are you serious Coach? I can’t want to know who did this to you. believe I’m the one at fault, when You are one of my most important Mitch is the one who had people assets to this team. I need you.” over at his house and supplied the alcohol!” Chad knew Coach was just blowing smoke up his ass, so he “I don’t give a rat’s ass about just replied, “Alright, fine. It was what Mitch did! You’re the one Mitch. But I know you’re not going who is at fault. Now get the hell to believe me because you feel he off my field!” is a perfect person.” Chad just stared at both Coach Coach just stared at Chad. and Mitch and finally turned Finally he looked away towards around and stormed off the field. the other players on the field. While rushing of the field, he took artwork by Zachary Katigbak off his helmet and threw it across youth group at my church. I think away and rolled his eyes know- need, especially misfits like Chad. the field. Will noticed this and it would really be beneficial for you ing that his dad was wrong and if I just hope to God Chad finally quickly went to pick up his helmet and help guide you on a path to he had known the type of person finds a stronghold tomorrow.” and brought it back into the locker greatness.” Mitch was he would take back room. Coach just looked back at what he said. “Were you even all the players warming up, and “No way! Ain’t no way am I go- watching the game, we barely one. seeing that they all had stopped he ing to some place that tries to lift I bet if we had played Chad, we Will waited outside the looked dazed and confused. “Wan- people up by telling them a bunch would have won by a lot more.” church doors for Chad to show up na run a play?” of BS.” Chad quickly got up to for a while now. Finally he saw walk out of the locker room. “Will, now you know how I Chad coming towards the church. As Will walked into the feel about you taking sides with a locker room and set Chad’s hel- “Fine, I guess I will just have criminal. He is no good at all and “Don’t you just love being met next to where he was sit- to tell the principal that you’re the he is the type of person who is here? I mean, to know that Jesus ting. Without saying anything, one who pulled the fire alarm this going to waste their life by doing is in the presence and that he is Chad took his helmet and banged morning.” stupid things.” always there for you. Everything into against the lockers. “FUCK about this place makes it so peace- COACH! FUCK MITCH!” “How in the world did you find “No, see that’s where you’re ful and happy.” out about that?” wrong. I know that Chad is just “Chad, what the hell is wrong like you and me and that he has a “Calm down dude. Stop mak- with you?” Will knew that he “Let’s just say I know people. heart and conscience, but he just ing this place seem like this is the shouldn’t have said this. So, you want to reconsider it?” does not know it yet.” best place in the world. I mean, I would rather be at home right now Chad turned around and “Hrrgh. Fine, I guess I’ll go to “Will, stop fighting with me. watching Sunday Night Football stared at Will, giving him the this worthless meeting with people Just believe what I am saying is than come here. I’m only doing sense that he was going to beat who have no life.” true and he is bad news.” this because I don’t want you to the shit out of him. “What’s wrong let out the secret about me pulling with me? What the hell is wrong “YOU’RE WRONG!!!! You the fire alarm. Now, how long do I don’t know him as much as I do. have to stay?” with Coach and Mitch? That’s the “And Mitch McCoy has carried He could have a thousand prob- question that you should ask.” his team to the state championship lems going on in his life but just “You can leave when I say you game. Even with the absence of “Listen, I see that both of them does not have the decency to speak can.” their star tight end Chad Cunning- are asses, but you need to calm out and ask others for help.” ham, Mitch seemed to have carried down and try to block out all of the As they walked into church, his team through. Mitch is by far negativity that is in your life. It “Will, why are you being so they saw that a man was standing the best one-” seems to me that you’re not alone- stubborn with me? I am your fa- in the front pews with a group of ther. You know what…. Go to you other teens sitting around him. As you have the whole team on your Will shut off his car as he side, I know they are.” room!” Will and Chad walked up, the man pulled into his driveway. As he said “Will, so glad you could join came inside to his home, his dad “Why should I listen to you? “Thank God, I was waiting for us this afternoon. I see you have quickly rushed to him. Hell, you could just be doing this you to tell me that! I’d rather be brought another disciple.” up there then be in a room with cause Mitch or Coach told you.” “What a game! They were someone as annoying as you!” Will “Hey Reverend Tim! I am so unbelievable! That Mitch guy “I’m only helping you because stormed up towards his room, happy to introduce to you Chad looks like a great guy, one who can no one else seems like they will. went in and slammed the door Cunningham, a classmate of mine become a great leader.” Tell you what, how about this shut. “I hate how my dad never and an elite tight end for our football team. He wants to become Sunday night you come to the “Sure he is.” Will just turned is proud of when I help people in closer to God and become more “And so that would be beating and a half, the two walked out of hearing yelling from his office. open just like all of us. Isn’t that someone or something up?” the church together. “Chad, I want right Chad?” you to follow the ways that we Will just responded by saying “SHUT UP! You don’t know talked about, and accept those who “Oh, nothing Coach. You know, it’s “Sure, whatever.” Chad looked me, so why do you feel that you play an important part in your just teammates being teammates. down after mumbling that. need to help me?” life. Remember- hold your friends We like to tease with each other.” close, and your enemies closer. Reverend Tim Tom looked “Oh, but I do know you. Will I’ll see you tomorrow evening.” “Then, let’s hit the practice very intrigued by Chad’s character and some of the others have told Chad turned and walked down the fields.” and personality. “You know Chad, me about your problems and church steps, while having a little As they were walking out into can I bring you back to my office wanted to help you out but did smile appear on his face. and have a talk with you and get not know how. So that is why they the practice fields, Mitch walked to know you better?” came to me for advice.” up to Will. “Hey man what hell! Why did you stick up for Chad “Ahhhh, sure I guess.” “I can’t believe you guys.” As usual, there was ten- back then? I was trying to get Chad just sat there in silence for a sion in the locker room, but for him to get angry so he would get “Great. Now for the rest of you while. once Chad had not started it. In benched for the championship I want you to work on the normal fact, it was Mitch who had started game this Saturday. You saw how activities.” Reverend Tim finally spoke it. the team was out there without out. “Chad, I’m only going to ask him last week. We were unstop- As the two walked into Rev- a simple question, and I ask that “So Chad, did you hear about pable.” erend Tim’s office, Chad had this you give me an answer, and it can the game on Friday? Looks like look of frustration on his face. be simple as one word- What is the you have no value to this team “Are you kidding me? We Reverend Tim Tom could obviously one thing you want most in life?” anymore.” barely won. You know what, Chad tell that Chad had some lifestyle and the others are right. You are issues. “So Chad, I can obviously “Respect.” Chad still did not Chad quickly turned around so self-centered and thick headed tell that you have some personal look at Reverend Tim. and started walking towards that you don’t know how others issues in your life. Could you Mitch. When Will had heard Mitch feel. You know, Chad could be go- please tell me about them?” The two sat in silence for a say that and saw Chad walking ing through a lot of shit right now, while again. Finally, Reverend his way, he quickly rushed to hold and all he needs is a friend to help “Why the heck would I want Tim spoke out. “You know Chad. back Chad and whispered to him him along the way. You need to to tell you? You’re not going to be Jesus once said ‘Do to others as to get him out of the trouble that stop thinking about yourself and able to fix them. I mean, that is if I you would like to be treated.’ I he would be in. your role as a leader, and start had any.” think if you lived by this you could helping those that lag behind.” clearly see how to be a changed “Don’t do it man. It’s not worth “Chad, why do you keep block- man in the world.” it, you are better than that. Just Before Mitch could respond, ing people out of your life who try think of what Reverend told you Will quickly rushed up towards to help you?” Chad let this phrase sit in his last night. Just ignore him.” the front of the line. head for a while. After thinking “Excuse me? I get along with about it, Chad spoke out. “It all “How the hell am I supposed to While the team was everyone in my life just fine. I started when my mom left.” Rever- ignore him when he does not know practicing, a man in a dress shirt don’t need help for a guy named end Tim Tom looked at him with a when to shout his fucking mouth?” and tie with dress pants started Reverend Tank Top to become little smile. walking onto the field. He walked happier in my life and with the “Hey Hey Hey!!! What the towards Coach and started talking people in it. If I ever had a prob- After talking with Rever- hell is going on in there?” Coach to him. Coach then looked towards lem I would take care of it myself.” end Tim Tom for about an hour rushed into the locker room after Chad. “Chad, come over here son.” gency. Please!” vulgar words or phrases. It made Chad finally looked up at Chad looked very confused, but Mitch start to realize that maybe Coach, took a deep breath and just quickly rushed over. About an hour later, Will was right, and that he needed said “An understanding on life.” Reverend Tim arrived at Chad’s to start changing his ways in life. After he said this, he got up and “What’s up?” house. “What’s up Chad?” walked towards the door to leave As the team was sitting in the Coach’s room. The man took off his sun- Chad stared at him for a locker room, Coach walked in and glasses and looked and Chad very while, and then just burst into said “Chad, I need to see you in my “Hey, Chad.” sickly. “Son, my name is Detective tears saying “My dad’s dead!” office for a minute.” Chad walked Harrison; I am with the detective into his room still looking very Chad turned around slowly. unit for the Dallas Police Depart- “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry depressed. “Yeah Coach.” ment. Son… well… oh how do I to hear that. How can I be of any say this? Well, we found your dad assistance?” Chad then had a long “Look son, I know I have “I just wanted to tell you that dead behind a bar this morning. conversation with him about how been a hard ass on you this whole I am proud of you, and no matter He died from alcoholism. After his whole day went. After having a year, but the reason why I do it what I still believe in you, and looking through every piece of conversation, the Reverend left his is because I care about you and I I know that you are the best on evidence and connecting the dots, house, but before leaving he gave feel you are the one with the most this team. So it’s time you started we suspect that it was not suicidal him some advice. potential out of all my players to acting like a leader and show your and that he just over dosed. I am make it to the pros. This is com- teammates what you are made really sorry to tell you this, if there “Chad, let Mitch be willing to ing for the bottom of my heart, of. Take care now and get ready is anything that you need please come into your life. He will once he and I mean every word that I for the big game tomorrow.” After tell me.” realizes his faults. And if he does say. I am hard on you because I Chad had heard this, he turned not, well you still will have others want to teach you lessons that and kept walking. As he walked Chad just stared at the ground including Will and I. Now are you can allow you to be the one from away he had a little smirk on his in deep silence. Finally he looked sure you will be okay?” the team who succeeds the most. face and felt a bit better. That up at Coach. “Coach, may I please I also wanted to let you know that quickly went away after he saw “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” be excused from practice?” I talked to one of the coach’s from Mitch walking his way. As the two passed each other, neither said a The next day, Chad sat in Oregon last week and he said that “Oh course. If you need any- word but just kept staring at one silence everywhere he went. He they really want a player like you, thing at all please let me know another. Each had been waiting talked to no one, and just sat as one who is unstoppable. They of- too.” for the other to apologize first and if he were waiting for something. fered you a scholarship! They want you man!” understand their fault. “I’ll be fine.” In the locker room, Mitch walked up to Chad and sat next to him. Chad just kept staring away After Chad left the locker “Hey man, I heard about the bad into the distance. He finally looked room, he quickly rushed home. news yesterday, and I just wanted at Coach and said “Is that all “Well folks, today is the big day When he got home, he started to say that I am sorry about what Coach?” here in Dallas. Two of the city’s yelling and screaming, and even had happened to him. It is always best high school football teams will started throwing objects about him hard to lose someone as close as a “Chad, what can I do to bring be going head to head in the state house. He finally decided to call parent.” back the energy in you?” championship game. Of course, Reverend Tim’s cell number. there has been a lot of emotion Chad kept staring at the “My father.” within Mitch’s team, especially “Come on...Come on…Come ground and mumbled “Go away.” with the death of Chad’s father. I on…… Hello Reverend Tim. Can It surprised Mitch that he would “Come on Chad, I am for real. just hope that kid finds a way to I please speak with you as soon say this, mainly because he felt What do you want that will make block out his emotions and play the as possible? I am in a huge emer- that Chad was going to say more you livelier, besides your dad?” game of his life. And let’s hope to see a great team effort, especially give us the ability to strengthen that. I realize now that not only do After Mitch said this, Chad between the unstoppable Mitch and as a brotherhood and become one I want myself to succeed, but I also pulled him close in and stared at the horrific Chad. Now moving in order to reach the goal that want my… our team to achieve him for a few seconds, and then he onto the coaches-” Coach turned off we strive to accomplish. May we greatness. Now you can hate me finally smiled and answered “Let’s the radio as he pulled up to AT&T ask you that you block out all the after all is said and done after this do this brother.” After that the two Stadium. As the team got ready in hatred that we have against team- game, but for our last game as rushed down the tunnel with all the locker room, there was a great mates and ask that you give those teammates let’s go out there and their adrenalin rushing through sense of quietness in which no one the strength to find peace and win this for our team and town, as them and felt like they were on spoke to each other and just went joy.” After Will had said that part, well as for one another.” the top of the world as the stadium off into their own world and pre- Mitch squeezed the hand of Chad lights hit them. pared themselves in their own way and gave him a tiny smile. “And for the game that was ahead for finally Lord, we ask that you allow them. Finally, Coach walked out us to come out with the win today of the coach’s office, looked around and bring a state championship to The New Age and said “You boys look ready.” He this school. In Jesus name Amen.” then turned towards Will and gave by John Higgins him a big smile. After Will said this, Cordarelle rushed to the center, which then I woke up the next day and the routine to take the subway “Will, why don’t you lead us in made the whole team enclose in a immediately thanked God I was together. prayer on this beautiful day!”” circle and come closer to him. With still alive and had a family. I their fists in the air, Cordarelle could still see smoke from Lower We didn’t really do much talk- “Yes sir, Coach!” shouted “For sixty minutes, let’s Manhattan out my window, and I ing on the train, but there was one play the game of our lives! We would eventually get used to see- thing she said that has haunted All the players gathered won’t stop ‘til the finally whistle ing wisps of smoke instead of the me to the present day. around in a circle and bowed blows! CLEAR EYES! FULL Towers I knew and loved. The first their heads. When Chad saw that HEARTS!” In which the team day was definitely the hardest of “Jerry,” she said, “I have a he had to hold Mitch’s hand, he responded “CAN”T LOSE!” The them all. really bad feeling about today. I refused. whole team then rushed out of the don’t know why, but my moth- locker room and through the tun- Well, that’s not necessarily erly senses are telling me some “Ahh hell no! Ain’t no way am nel which led onto the field. Before true. Day Zero, as I liked to call it, crazy stuff is gonna happen today. I going to hold hands with this Chad could get too far, Mitch was the worst day. Just… be careful, ok?” guy!” pulled him aside. The New Age, Day 0 “Ok, Mom,” I said, slightly “Just shut the hell up and for “Now what do you want?” puzzled at the thought. I got off once just act for 20 seconds that 1 hour before attack the train at my stop about ten you like each other!” After Coach “Look man, I know you want blocks north of the place where had yelled at him, Chad rolled to win this just as much as I do. The Parker Residence both of my parents worked, the his eyes and reluctantly grasped This is our final senior game, we place where they met, and the I woke up at 7:45 that morn- Mitch’s hand. both need each other. We need this place I liked to call my second ing to get ready for school. I had State Championship title. I know home: the Twin Towers of the “Dear God, we thank you for to report to homeroom by 8:30, that I have been a whole jerk to World Trade Center. this opportunity that you have and classes started at 8:45. Mom you and the team this whole time, given us, and we ask that you give made me some waffles, and soon but it’s just because I am competi- Mom was an accountant for us the strength and courage to go we were ready to catch the train. rd tive and I want to succeed. I just some bank on the 53 floor of the out there and play with all our I had to get off two stops before wanted to say I’m sorry for doing North Tower, and Dad was a law- hearts and minds. We ask that you she did, so it just became part of yer for a firm on the South Tower’s 29th floor. They met by chance Instinctively, I looked out “How do you know it’s gonna doing here?” he shouted at us. when on a coffee break outside the window, just in time to see collapse?” she asked me, puzzled. the Towers. Dad was talking to a what looked like a commercial “Don’t you know this thing’s coworker and wasn’t paying atten- airliner plunging into the side of “You know how you had that on fire?” tion, almost ran over Mom, and the North Tower at about the 100th really bad feeling earlier? I just the rest, as they say, was history. floor. I knew Mom was okay, but have a feeling in my gut that that “We’re aware, Dad,” I said, “I that didn’t mean that some of my thing will have collapsed by the saw the plane go in with my own I walked two blocks west to my friends hadn’t just watched their end of the day. Let’s head back to two eyes. School sent us home.” generically-named high school that parents die. I instantly knew that my place and wait for Mom; you “May I ask what you’re doing nobody beyond our little section of the thing was going to collapse, can call your parents from there here?” asked Sarah. the district really cared or knew and I also knew in my heart of since you live so far away. It’ll be about. We liked to call ourselves dangerous to take the train under hearts that Mom would get out in “I guess I’m here for the same “Twin Towers” High School, since the Towers.” time. reason you two are,” he smiled. we were the closest school to the “Sounds good to me,” she said Towers. I walked in, stopped by Within two minutes, the prin- “The officers were telling me as she took my hand in her own. my locker, and went to say a quick cipal came on over the PA and said I should go back up to my office, As we walked out of the school hello to my beautiful girlfriend to us, “Attention, students. In light but—“ Sarah. She had auburn hair and of recent events, school is can- together, we both looked south, striking blue eyes, with an amaz- celled for the day. Go home, and toward the Towers, then north, “You had a bad feeling about ing personality to boot. She gave get in touch with your families. toward my house. going back up. Yeah, I know,” I me a quick kiss, and fixed my dirty Stay safe.” We didn’t need to be interrupted. “All day people have For reasons that to this day blond hair, which was spiked up told twice. Nobody in New York been telling me they’ve got a bad neither of us know, we turned and from leftover bedhead. knew it yet, but the world had just feeling about something or an- started walking the ten blocks experienced the most dramatic other.” She looked me in the eyes and change in recent history. south. said, “I’m getting a weird vibe to- “Let’s go outside and get some The New Age, Day 0 day, and I don’t know why… What The New Age, Day 0 fresh air,” said Sarah, “The stupid about you?” AC isn’t working in here.” Ten minutes after attack Thirteen minutes after attack “Yeah, I am too, but only be- North Tower Lobby The New Age, Day 0 cause my mom said she was too.” “Twin Towers” High School It was then that the bell rang, and Fifteen minutes after attack I quickly found Sarah. The Sarah never dropped my hand I kissed Sarah goodbye and ran up even as we sat in the lobby of the to my third-floor homeroom with first thing out of my mouth was, “I In front of the North Tower guess you were right.” North Tower waiting for my moth- a view of the Towers. I got in just er to come downstairs. The fire- as the “Oh-Crud-You’re-Late Bell” “Have I ever told you how She responded with a tearful, men and police officers who were rang. For the last fifteen minutes Jerry’s mother and I met, Sarah?” “Is your mom okay?” and a strong staffing the makeshift operations before the world as we knew it asked my dad. embrace. center in the lobby told us the ended, I talked sports with my plane blew out the elevators, so Even though she’d heard the friend Zack. The Yankees were “Yes, she’s fine,” I managed to everyone who was getting out had story literally a thousand times, on track to make a hell of a run gasp out. Sarah let go of me and to take the stairs. I was extremely Sarah politely said, “No, I haven’t. that year, and we were definitely rd I added, “She’s down on the 53 surprised when I saw Dad walking Would you mind telling me?” pumped. We were making a bad floor. She’ll have plenty of time to toward us while we waited. joke about the Red Sox when we get out before the building col- “No,” said Dad, “but I can heard a jet flying low overhead. lapses.” “What on Earth are you two show you. You see, we were walk- ing right about here, and I was hit it lower than the North Tower, The New Age, Day 0 dust had cleared to a point where busy talking to one of my cowork- so the weight of the floors above it was reasonably safe to venture ers on a coffee break and not the ones that were damaged would One hour, ten minutes after out of the still burning North paying attention. Mrs. Parker and be greater.” attack Tower. Mom said goodbye to her I ran into each other and spilled stairwell companions and Mom, coffee all over each other.” “Makes sense to me,” said Sar- Outside the North Tower Dad, Sarah, and I all made our ah as the papers coated the ground way north to the house. “And the rest, as they say, is around us. We decided to just stay “Okay,” said Dad, “I think it’s history,” I added as we all stared out there until Mom got down. We time to get her.” The New Age, Day 0 up at the Towers along with every- decided that if she wasn’t with “Let’s go, then!” I said, “We’re one else in the world. us in an hour we’d head into the 102 minutes after attacks on borrowed time already.” North Tower to find her ourselves. It was then that we heard the The Parker Residence We took one last look up, and, second plane. The New Age, Day 0 to our horror, saw the South Tow- We got home and immedi- The New Age, Day 0 Forty-five minutes after attack er start to give way and collapse. ately turned on the TV to see the With a mighty roar one of the news. We already knew what Twenty minutes after attack Base of the North Tower tallest buildings in America came would be all over the screen, but crashing down in a cloud of smoke we wanted to hear the thoughts Base of the South Tower About forty-five minutes after and dust. We sprinted into the of others. Sarah and I asked if we the first plane hit, I noticed people North Tower and up its stairs to could have a few minutes alone. The papers started coming start to jump from areas around escape the debris cloud. We were We walked with heavy feet into down soon after the plane hit. the impact sites. I tried not to safely on the second floor when the my room and shut the door behind look up after the first one. Some roar died and an even more eerie us. We walked over to my bed and Papers from the North Tower people were becoming hysterical quiet fell upon Lower Manhat- sat down on the side that had a already covered the ground around over it, and for some reason they tan. We exited the stairwell onto view of the North Tower out my its base. Now, the South Tower kept looking up. Suddenly, some- the balcony on the second floor. window. I put my arm around had unleashed a kind of surreal one’s cell phone rang. He picked The inside of the lobby looked Sarah as she quietly wept into my snow of paper. Nobody said it out it up, and we noticed his jaw drop normal, but through the windows shoulder. loud, but we all knew it was a ter- in shock. After a few minutes he all we saw was gray and dust. All rorist attack now. There was no hung up and announced, “They three of us were standing there in “What’re we gonna do when way two planes would crash into hit the Pentagon.” People started shocked silence when we heard a this is over?” she said through the both of the Towers in one day by speculating as to what would be voice say, “What on Earth are you tears. accident. I hoped and prayed that next. Would it be the Capitol? The doing here?” We turned around to the South Tower would hold long Sears Tower? The Empire State see a very disgruntled Mom stand- “The way I see it,” I said to enough to get a decent amount of Building? The Hancock Center? ing in the doorway of the stairwell her, “the instant the first plane people out. The White House? More hits to fin- with her coworkers, all of whom hit, the world as we knew it came ish off the Pentagon or the Tow- were exhausted from a very long to an abrupt end, but it was one “The South Tower’s gonna be ers? climb. Dad, Sarah, and I all ran of those headless chicken types of the first one to come down,” I said, to Mom to give her a hug, and we ends. We didn’t know that a new breaking the eerie silence that We were worried. all just stood there in a personal age had begun until the second had fallen over the city that never moment of silence for all who, as plane hit. Then the chicken that sleeps. “Still no sign of Mrs. Parker,” of that day, were unable to share a was the old world finally real- sighed Sarah. “We’ll go in at about ized it was dead and laid down in “Why would you say that?” moment like that ever again. ten minutes to ten,” said Dad. submission. Now, a new chick has asked Dad. “Well, it looks like they About ten minutes later the hatched from its egg, and the next few years will determine how the After a somber dinner and Eventually, things in Manhat- cently far along in the construction new age will play out. We’ll just some exchanging of stories of the tan returned to relative normalcy. of four new towers to replace the have to play it by ear, just like day, we all went into the living Sarah and I grew up, finished old ones that fell. This September we’ve had to do before, and we’ll room to watch funny movies in an high school, and went to college 11, in particular, was one of great have to do again.” attempt to cheer ourselves up. together at Syracuse. At the end of national pride. We had brought senior year, at the end of gradu- justice to Osama bin Laden. It Upon finishing, Sarah looked Needless to say, it didn’t really ation, I proposed to her. She said may have taken almost ten years, into my eyes with a tearful smile work. yes. We were married on Septem- but we finally did what needed to that somehow broke me. I started ber 11, 2009. be done. crying too, and we both continued A similar event occurred at looking out the window, comfort- breakfast, only this time compar- A few months before the tenth Over time, as a country, we ing each other. Then we heard ing how much sleep we got after anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, had started to heal. The end of that now-familiar roar that herald- all we’d seen. Sarah and I then President Barack Obama came Osama bin Laden made that pro- ed the collapse of the North Tower sluggishly packed up for school. on the air on all the news stations cess easier on many people. and the deaths of hundreds of to tell us that Osama bin Laden, people still trapped in the doomed The New Age, Day 1 who planned the attacks, had The New Age, Year 100 skyscraper. been killed in a raid by the Navy “Twin Towers” High School S.E.A.L.s in Pakistan. The country September 11, 2101 On the news that night, we Somehow we managed to get celebrated almost as much as it saw more in-depth footage of the World Trade Center to school on time. The halls were had when we won World War II. attack on the Pentagon, and heard strangely silent. Nobody wanted It’s been one hundred years stories of American heroes who, It was sickening. to talk to anybody about anything. since the world changed forever. quite possibly, prevented the de- Some of the more inconsiderate struction of the Capitol by bring- Sarah and I did not celebrate. and immature class clowns made I may be 115 years old, but I ing down United Airlines Flight 93 We didn’t think a person’s death, jokes, but were quickly silenced by still feel great. People today are in a field in Pennsylvania, killing no matter how evil, was a thing nerds and jocks alike. September living to be at least 120 on aver- all on board. The fact that that to celebrate. So we just sat on our 12, 2001, was not a day for laugh- age. We’ve found cures to almost happened gave us all a little boost couch and cried. ter or happiness. The most inter- every disease out there minus, of of hope that helped us get through esting class that day was history. The New Age, Year 10 course, the common cold. In the that night. years that have passed, the United The teacher threw out his les- States and the world eradicated The New Age, Day 1 September 11, 2011 son plan for the day so we could another disease from our planet: The Parker Residence discuss the events of the previous National September 11 Memo- terrorism. It took about thirteen day. We unanimously decided it rial years from the beginning of the Sarah stayed with us that was terrorists, and then proceeded War on Terror to get the Arab night in our guest bedroom, seeing to compare it to previous historical Ten years had passed since the nations to work with us. It took a as it would have been absolute events. The most terrible thing we day the new age began. It seemed group as radical as the infamous chaos trying to get her home in the could think of prior to September as if it had gone by in the blink Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, mess. She managed to get in touch 11, 2001, was December 7, 1941, of an eye. The new memorial was who also called themselves the with her parents around dinner the day Pearl Harbor was at- open to the public for just the one Islamic State of Iraq and the time to tell them she was okay. tacked. day. Many New Yorkers found Levant, to get them to realize that They agreed it would be better for time to stop by and reflect for a they needed to do something about her to stay with us until things The New Age, Year 9 while as they looked down into the it along with the Western world. cleared up a little bit. empty footprints where the Towers May 1, 2011 once stood. By then they were de- The fight was bloody, but after ISIS was destroyed, terrorist be dealing with radically different organizations never again took a Middle East today. In essence, by foothold in a Middle Eastern na- attacking the United States, al- tion. Wars have been fought since Qaeda condemned themselves and then, but in a more conventional all other terrorist organizations to nation-versus-nation sense. The their destruction. last war fought ended ten years ago. Since then none have been As I look up and see the “new” fought anywhere. World Trade Center above me and the voids left by the fallen Towers Now, looking back a hundred below me, I can definitively say years, I can see how the attacks that the world has changed for the of September 11, 2001, ended up better. changing the world for the better. If not for the events of that day, Welcome to the new age, my the War on Terror would never friends. have been fought, and we would Why I Draw by Jonathan Strickland

Recently, People have asked me why I draw. I used to say just because I could. Because it was fun. Because I wasn’t half bad at it. But now, I know it’s so much more than that. I draw to live. I draw to love. I draw to hate. I draw to hide, To run away from it all, If only for an hour or so. I draw for moments when I can’t speak, For when no words come, But an image does. I draw for her, For him, For them. For dark days, With nowhere to go, artwork by Jonathan Strickland No one to talk to. I draw. ing bush on it I just then noticed. “And how are you planning on I started to wring my hands. We doing that?” the tall one said with What the Funeral is all stood up straight and slowly a chuckle. turned and walked up the deep steps towards the pulpit. Michelle Andrew looked around at the For and Tommy had told me what they walls of our rather unimpres- were going to say, but I didn’t pay sive cafeteria, just soaking in the by Connor LoPiccolo much attention. Something nice, memories and the potential he something proper, something that always felt the place had. “I want would make people cry. I had three to be a teacher here,” he said pages front and back of scribbling looking back at the tall one. “I’ve “We have some people who he looked at me with a tight smile on loose-leaf that was folded into never seen happier people than my wish to say a few words about the and gave me a slight nod. thirds weighing down the breast teachers here. They’re excited and departed before we end here today,” pocket of my coat. interested and really WANT to be said the tired priest. Father Han- Click-Clack here. I don’t want to get old and sen hadn’t lost a young parishioner One time we were at some one day realize tha-” My black shoes hit the tile with in a few years and regardless of school event hosted in the caf- a sound that reverberated through his smartass attitude we could all eteria where we had to impress Just then Tommy kicked the church. I turned and faced tell it had hit him hard. I looked alumni and be on our best behav- Andrew and gave him a look that the altar, not knowing what to do around and saw Michelle and ior and fake our way through the said “Hey, idiot, this is one of the with my hands. I saw Michelle and Tommy stand up a few pews ahead night. We were standing in a circle sellouts who DOESN’T like hear- Tommy making their way up to the of me. It was time. with Tommy Anderson, Alex Kell- ing that the kids he’s giving money altar and started to hurry to catch ner, and a junior we didn’t really to plan on having a less than six- up with them then slowed when I As the piercing sunlight beat know all that well. With us were figure salary.” remembered where we were. down on the back of my already two alumni, one sort of fat with scarlet neck and flecks of grass a comb over to cover an obvious Recognizing his near gaff, whipped into my face from the Family friends and teachers Andrew did his best to recover. always asked the same stupid bald spot and the other tall and orange and black weed-eater in lanky but with an air of being very “Realize that I never gave back to my hands, I looked over at An- questions then; nobody but An- this place that I love so much,” he drew really knew: “So where you proper and important. The tall one drew. Despite being hunched asked us those questions and we said. over and having a few strands going to college? What you gonna study there?” all gave the same answers until it of brown hair soaked with sweat came to Andrew. “Well, there’s more ways to hanging down just over his eyes, ‘give back,’ as you call it, than Most of us bullshitted our I could see that trademark smile. Michelle was the first to go. just being a teacher,” said the tall Whenever we worked, Andrew way through situations like that. one with the same chuckle, which “Well I’m looking to go to so and so I can’t really remember what she always smiled. Come to think of it, said. It’s weird when you’re in was followed by an obligatory Andrew always smiled whenever university if I can get the money agreement from the fat alum and and I’d like to study so and so field front of that many people and we did anything. He always had they’re all looking at something students. this air about him that every- then I can go and be a so and so doing so and so things,” we’d say. near you. It’s hard to tell whether thing was going to be ok. Of our you should look out into the crowd, “Oh well you’ll figure it out, group of friends, Andrew had the All of it bullshit, changing at the you seem like a bright kid. Say drop of a hat. But not him. or at what they’re looking at. She most brains; he had his entire life began. “The first time I met him…” how’dya do in school anyhow?” planned. said the fat one after another sip I walked up to the green out of his scotch. carpeted chancel and bowed in “You know, I just want to be I stood up. Alex swung his feet happy,” he said with that smile on out of the pew onto the white rustic unison with Michelle and Tommy “I do pretty well sir; just trying toward the tabernacle. It had a his mouth and brightness in his tiles that all led to the altar. As I dark green eyes. to get by,” said Andrew. passed him and buttoned my coat, red and orange mosaic of the burn- “Oh shut up! Andrew here he had everything going for him always cared for Marty. Maybe. I He laughed lightly. “I don’t got a 35 on his ACT and has a 4.2 (which he did), but because de- can’t really be sure anymore. think I could ever stand to live in a GPA. He’s one of our brightest,” spite that he never looked down on place like this” he said. said the junior who was just trying those who didn’t. He was kind. He Michelle stepped back from the to help. was accepting. He was chivalrous. white marble pulpit, clutching her “Why’s that? What makes this He loved everyone. scattered papers with hands that so bad?” I said. “Holy shit kid and you want were shaky and fingers that were to TEACH?” said the fat one, who Andrew only ever had prob- rigid. Tommy wrapped his arms “I mean nothing is wrong with had been overserved. “Damn if my lems with one guy, Marty Mat- around her and whispered some- a big house or anything. Some of kids had those numbers I’d ship thews. We always made the joke thing into her ear. She whispered my best friends have big houses, ‘em off to Harvard!” that you could never trust a something back. As she walked I swear!” we both smirked. “I just person with two first names; in towards me, Tommy stepped up to think that I’ll be happiest as a “I’m just very lucky to have the Marty’s case the idea held true. the pulpit and pulled his crumpled teacher and honestly a teacher gifts I do,” said Andrew, obviously On paper, most people would up papers out of his right pocket. won’t be able to live in a house like embarrassed. “If you’ll excuse me, think that the two would have I gave her a hug. “You did great that,” he said casually nodding I need to go say hi to a few family been great friends. Marty and kiddo,” I said. With that, she his head towards the house. “I’ll friends. I hope you enjoy the rest Andrew had a lot in common and started bawling. She wasn’t going probably just end up living in a of your evening gentlemen,” he the two together probably could to make it so she elected to just go dishwasher box on the side of the said, going for a handshake. have done so much if they had and sit back down. road.” ever just wised up a bit. But this “Go ahead son, and good luck wasn’t on paper; it was life. Marty On that day we had already “Not a fridge box?” to ya!” the fat one said as they was one of those guys that just been to eight houses and it was shook hands. really wanted to be liked and went about two in the afternoon. The “Well, I don’t want to be through his high school career just sun was still high enough to send greedy,” he said “Yes you have a good evening trying to get a leg up, especially on its searing heat down on us but “Well what about your family? too young man,” the tall one said. Andrew. Everything that Andrew not so high that the end of the They gonna live in your box with believed in or tried to do Marty day was out of sight. We always Michelle had just gotten you?” I said. actively worked against. If Andrew worked at these huge houses through some anecdote. She had brought up an idea during a meet- with more yard than anyone ever choked up a bit, but so far she Just then I saw something I ing, Marty shot it down. If Andrew needed, but I guess you can do hadn’t broken down. “That’s how had never seen in Andrew: uncer- got a question wrong in class or on that when you make that much I’ll always remember him; as he tainty. It was only for a second, a test, Marty berated him saying money. was.” What a bunch of bull. Don’t and I’m not sure if he knew I saw he was stupid. If Andrew stuttered get me wrong, Michelle loved him it, but it was there. or yawned or did anything less The house we were working and even had a thing for him last than perfectly Marty pounced at on belonged to some big shot CEO year that never really panned out, “Well,” he said, opening the the opportunity to make fun. We or CFO or something of the area’s but I don’t think very many will door, “let’s get to it. I’m savin up all knew that Marty was a dick, leading BioMed company. He was remember him for who he really for that nice Whirlpool box for me but no one ever really confronted 32 years old. Sometimes I would was. and the kids one day.” him about it. Andrew was fine laugh about the fact that a guy with it. He always made excuses only 15 years older than me had I tell myself that I didn’t want That was who Andrew was; that much money. never one to like another ridicul- for Marty whenever we would get to push him, and that’s why I let frustrated. “Oh he’ll come around, it go. The truth is that I didn’t ing him, but never rash enough “Wouldn’t you love to live in a don’t worry about it,” or “you want to ruin my image of a man I to assert the dominance he could big house like this one day?” I said know what, maybe he’s just going looked up to. I didn’t hold myself have if he wanted to. He was our to Andrew as we pulled up in my through some stuff right now,” to the same standard that I held friendly giant, being an extremely beat up rust red Honda Civic one he’d say. In a weird way that I Andrew. And how could I have? He lanky 6’3”. Andrew was our hero. day. He was my hero. Not because never understood, I think Andrew was everything good I saw in the world. And I was me. orange hat turned backwards, welcomed; mine is in the landfill about it for a while. That was our wearing a neon green shirt two off highway 130. last summer as high schoolers, or Being twice Michelle’s size, sizes too big and old blue jeans at least that’s how we saw it at the Tommy had to position the mi- with frayed bottoms held up by the Andrew stood there for a sec- time. We knew that we’d spend the crophone further up. This action only belt he owned and green from ond. And then another. And then next few months worrying about was accompanied with a loud the knees down on account of all 10 more. Emotionless. Expres- scores and scholarships and “leav- EEEEEEEEECCCCCKKKK the grass that had been thrown at sionless. Catatonic almost. For a ing our mark” or whatever. So we from the metal mic holder that them, Andrew slowed as he came second, I thought that I saw a tear spent that summer like it would resounded in the silent room of a to where the bricks met an island begin to well up in his eye. Just as never end. By this time in my high thousand people. “Um, I’m not a of ivy with a Paper Birch stand- quickly as he had stopped, Andrew school career, I had found a pretty very good speaker and this is the ing in the middle. I always hated resumed his work. He pulled the solid group of friends. When we first time I’ve done something like those trees. If the wind got blowin’ sign out of the ground, trimmed drank, it was only socially and we this, so you guy’s will have to bear hard enough we had to pick up the area it inhabited, and replaced were usually safe. The only one of with me if you don’t mind,” Tommy all the little bits of bark that flew it where it belonged. He gave me a us that didn’t was Andrew, but he said, looking down at his wrinkled off at nothing. The whir of the sideways glance, and I could see a was cool about it. We all actually papers. Stihl trimmer came down to a tinge of embarrassment come over cared about each other, not just lazy growl and he straightened his his face. I realized that I too had how the others could help us but So we got to work. I started back, looking up at an unassuming stopped working and was standing how their week was or what was trimming along the sidewalk that sign sticking out of the ground. straight up and staring at him. going on in life. ran up a hill from the driveway to the front door of the house. “So, I don’t really know what “Hey, get back to work you We were all pretty smart kids Andrew trimmed around the free- I’m doin here, so I just… wrote lazy piece of shit!” he said with a back then, sometimes too smart standing trees and where the yard a letter… here goes hope you like smile. for our own good. We would drive met the road. it—well not--yeah you know what around talking about our place in I mean,” Tommy said, clearing his “I just didn’t want you to look the world and what it even meant Andrew, his back to me, was throat. He was terrified. He could bad!” I said. to be a joyful person. Looking back walking down the line of bricks shoot shit on us like it was nothing on it, Andrew usually initiated that stood vertically between the but put him in front of this many “I don’t really know why any these conversations. grass yard and black asphalt, hit- people with a microphone AND tell of this—stuff—happened,” Tommy ting the left over grass missed by him not to cuss? The guy had no said. He’d been goin for a while “What do you guys think the his Uncle Jack on the big mower. clue what to do. and was on his last page. “Ya greatest good is?” he said one Those weed eaters sent little green know man I just miss you,” he said night when we were hanging out specks flying, cutting from the It was one of those tacky looking down at the closed black on top of a parking structure not bottom and shooting them out at “Welcome to our family!” signs casket centered in front of the al- far from Campion that overlooked random. It was like if someone private schools put in new stu- tar. “And this sucks. And I’m sorry. an ever-scenic apartment complex knocked out the bottom layer of dents’ yards. We all got one when I should’ve—“ Tommy extended his on the left and an outlet mall on the pyramids or the Eiffel Tower we were accepted to Campion Prep arms resting on the pulpit fully, the right. There were three rea- and they just forgot about gravity put in ours. The year’s senior class pushing himself back a bit so he sons people came to the parking for a second, at least until they would all write a nice note on the could have a second. He needed structure: to throw things off, to crashed. It’s like if the Statue of back of one and deliver them to it. Taking a deep breath, he began hook up, and to talk. Very rarely Liberty got cracked at the knees the houses, usually putting them again. “I shoulda told you that I were the three mutually exclusive. and then flew off somewhere, only in the front lawn. It was a nice loved you man. I shoulda told you to fall into the ocean a short while sentiment and, from the perspec- every chance I got.” Which ‘him’ “Your friend, Tommy,” Tommy later. A feeling of weightlessness tive of a young man entering into did Tommy love though? said. Without turning around, followed by a reminder of reality. a world he expected to chew him Tommy took a step back from the up and spit him out, it served as And with that, everything pulpit and walked down to take his With ear buds in, camo and a reassuring reminder of being went back to normal. I even forgot seat by Michelle. He didn’t bow or anything. I’m pretty sure he and believe in a God that sends some- God weren’t exactly on speaking one to eternal damnation because terms at that point. I was alone. they happen to be guilty when This wasn’t the plan. They were they die! That’s not justice, even supposed to be up here for me. With by our standards.” me. Now I was alone. I wanted to take a step towards the pulpit. To “God doesn’t send people to just come out and say what was on hell; they choose to end up there. those pages. But my body wouldn’t And I think there IS a place for let me move. Those papers were too all the ones who want to make it heavy. But I had to. So I stepped to heaven but can’t because they forward. aren’t in a state of grace.”

“What do you mean ‘greatest Sometimes these conversa- good?’” said Michelle, one of our tions got so filled with rhetoric and friends from Loretto, an all-girls semantics that eventually one of Catholic high school. us would change the subject back to the original topic. “Like, the thing that is of the most value in this world I guess “I think the greatest good is or maybe that which we as free Truth. Like “big-T Truth,” I said. agents ought to strive for,” said Andrew. It was my turn. Shit. What was I supposed to say? His mother was “Well I guess the obvious an- in the first fucking row and she swer would be God,” said Tommy. had welcomed me into her home countless times. Was I supposed “If there is one you mean. If to tell the truth? Fuck the truth. its existence can’t be proven then The truth was devastating. The we can’t for sure call it the great- truth was horrible. The truth was est good. Aquinas claims that the too painful to bear. I took a deep epitome and source of all favorable breath and stepped forward to the virtues is God, so I guess my ques- pulpit. Oh shit fuck damn. This tion now would be which of those was it. This was the last word. I virtues is most important?” said might’ve been the only one who re- Andrew. ally knew him. And now I’m pretty sure I had to lie about him. “I think it’d have to be justice,” said Michelle. Andrew stuck out his bottom lip a little and gave a slight nod “No, mercy outweighs justice,” towards me. “Why?” he said. said Tommy. “Well we’re all sitting here “It’s not like God isn’t just or talking about “what if” and “may- something. There’s heaven and be” situations, but I think that hell,” said Michelle. it’d be most valuable if we knew whether there even IS a God or “Oh come on! You can’t really even if there is a solid Truth,” I artwork by Matt Quinley said. He sat with his back to the that I ever have!” meant by it. It made me think. wall and his elbows rested on his Like really contemplate what this Andrew turned around and knees. I could tell by his face that He was pacing now and throw- life is even supposed to be about. looked down to the little lake (or he wasn’t thinking; he already ing his hands about wildly. I’d And then I saw that stupid wel- big pond, depending on preference) knew the answer. He was choos- never seen Andrew act this way. come sign in that fucking yard.” that the apartments surrounded, ing. Choosing, I think, whether and squinted his eyes like he was to tell me the truth or not. Some- “Are you ok bud?” I said. “You don’t need to worry about looking for something. times I wish he hadn’t. a family you don’t even have yet He turned his head to me and Andrew. Go and be happy. Be a We spent the next hour talk- “I don’t know anymore,” he there was something in his eyes teacher and have a family in live a ing, star-gazing, and sitting in said in soft voice. I’d never seen before in anyone. It happy life,” I said. silence. People came and went was loneliness. until, around midnight, only I was dumbfounded. Andrew He stopped pacing, put his Andrew and I remained. We were was at a loss for words. This didn’t “I don’t think I’ve ever really fingertips together and closed his sitting down against the two-foot happen often. Actually, it didn’t been ok. I’ve always done well get- eyes in frustration. “I don’t think thick concrete wall that overlooked happen ever. ting by. I’m smart and funny and you get it. I CAN’T be happy. an alley between the parking people like me but damn it I don’t The way I see it I have two roads structure and one side of the outlet “You who know me know that I like me. Happiness? There are so ahead of me. I can do the get rich mall. get a little flustered and go on tan- many better things!” thing. I don’t like saying it like gents a lot, so I ask that you bear that but you know what I mean. I I realized I’d been standing with me here,” I said, looking down I sat there not knowing what could do whatever I wanted! But there in silence just a bit too long. at the sloppily handwritten mess to say. for some reason the things I want I reached into my breast pocket in front of me. I started to read. “I to do won’t secure the kind of fam- “I’ve walked through this life and pulled out my sheets of paper. never wanted to go to Campion. I ily life I want. I could make all the like I have everything figured out The crinkling sound of the pages never wanted to break my hand, money in the world, but I’d never and it got to the point where I unfolding filled the church and an injury that would cut short my be happy.” echoed off the walls. I pressed my baseball career. But most of all, I even started to believe my own lie. hands down on the middle of the never wanted to have to say good- I wanted all of it to be true. I still “Then go be happy!” I said. page and spread them out, trying bye.” It was the start of the biggest want it all to be true,” he said. to flatten them. Really I was just lie of my life. And it was one that “There’s the shitty part! If I do “What made you start think- buying time. I’m supposed to say needed to be told. what will make me happy, I won’t ing like this?” I said. these words. I’m supposed to feel make money and my family would “Well,” I said, “what’d it used suffer because of it.” this way. I’m supposed to lie. “You asked about my family.” to be?” “Andrew teachers aren’t all One of the things that I always “Who, Marge and Phil?” I said. liked about the friends I had then Andrew let out a short, sharp, poor if that’s what you’re thinking. was our ability to be in a comfort- laugh. “When people ask me what “No, at work one day. You They can support their families.” able silence. We didn’t need to I want to be, I say happy. That asked about whether my family He started pacing again. I worry or feel awkward in those was my greatest good. My happi- would live in a box with me or don’t think he had really heard moments. But this was not that. ness. Me.” not.” This silence was unbearable for me. “Because, and I’m not trying me and for some reason I just had “What’s wrong with that?” “Shit man, you know I was just to be sexist, I just want my wife to know. kidding. I didn’t mean anything to have the choice to be a stay at “What’s wrong with that? by that.” I hoped that that would home mom. And I want my kids What’s wrong with that?!” Andrew “What’s your “greatest good” bring him down. to be able to go to any school they Andrew?” stood up. “What’s wrong with that want and not worry about loans is that I really don’t care about “It doesn’t matter what you like us. And I want to give back to Silence. anything but that! I’m not sure my community in some way. And I want to have it figured out; I want what to do, I rested my left hand that what I said had some impact family and close friends attended. to know the answer NOW dammit on his left shoulder and looked out on him. I like to think that what I The rest of the funeral goers were not later. I just want to—I don’t over the parking structure. “You’ll saw was just an outburst, a vent- back at the church for the recep- know.” He stopped pacing. I could be ok, bud. I know this is freak- ing session. I like to think a lot of tion. It was one of those days that see the weight of whatever was go- ing you out now, but in a couple things. I like to think that Andrew you want to call beautiful but the ing on in his head give way as he months we’ll look back on this died somewhat in a good place in circumstance wouldn’t allow for it. slowly fell to his knees with this and realize that there was noth- life. Nobody really knows what After sitting through the service look of utter despair on his face. ing to worry about. Plans change. happened, but the road was slick given by our parish priest and “I’m just so fucking lost,” he said. It happens. You’re human and and his tires were bald. He prob- school president, the closed casket that’s ok.” Even as I said it, I felt a ably came around the turn too fast was lowered into the grave. It was I was about halfway through. weird anger well up inside of me. and flew right off the side. The probably only a few feet but seeing There was the part of me that was I felt lied to, betrayed. What was medical examiner had to use den- that darkness envelop the wooden reading, eulogizing, and the other stranger was that Andrew and I tal records to identify the crushed box made me feel like the drop was part of me was thinking about the went our separate ways that night up and charred remains. The of- hundreds. As this was happen- ramifications of this lie. On the and I really don’t know if what I ficial report said that Andrew had ing I looked around. Michelle was one hand, I thought, his family said made any difference at all. crashed a little after midnight and crying hysterically with her head and everyone who claimed to know wasn’t found until about two. He buried in Tommy’s shoulder. His him are gratified in that. Isn’t that The summer went on. There died around 1:30. eyes were red and puffy from cry- good? But I’m lying. Well not lying. were parties and weekends spent ing, but now he was just watching He really was like this to these at Tommy’s lake house if only I was just finishing up. They’d the casket silently. I think he’ll people, so it wasn’t a lie. They saw just to stave off remembering that liked what I had said so far. It did always blame himself a bit since him this way, and who was I to school was about to buckle down their image of him justice. That’s we were out at his lake house. ruin that image for them? It would on us and with it our descent into what the funeral is for, isn’t it? Alex stood on Tommy’s left, his lip be wrong to do so, right? Fuck, I the hellish college application To comfort the people that knew curled up in anger as tears flowed don’t know anymore. I wanted to process piled on top of our already the departed? To reassure them from his eyes. I felt like I should’ve scream. I wanted to tell them what strenuous schedules. Andrew and that they did in fact know them? been like that. Crying or tearing I knew. I wanted to share the truth. I grew apart. Or rather, I realized None of them did. None of them up. But I couldn’t feel it. I wanted to stop the lie. But they that we had always been apart. He will. That’s my burden. “Things needed it, so I kept on reading. acted like nothing had ever hap- don’t always go our way. We lost In some sick and twisted way, pened. There was a silent under- Andrew. And we miss him. I miss the Andrew I knew died on that That was the moment. That standing between the two of us him. But it would be unfair for parking structure. What was left was when Andrew became human that it hadn’t. It was easier that me to stop living my life because was a lie. The person they buried in my eyes. It was unfair to see way. A couple weeks later, on the of that pain. Worse it would be that day wasn’t my friend; he was him as more than that before, I last night of the summer, I asked unfair for him. I won’t speak for the shell of a man that I choose to admit, but I couldn’t help it. The Andrew if everything was alright. anyone else, but, as for me, I’m remember as great. I like to think Andrew I thought I knew was com- not half-living anymore. Tommy that in those last moments MY passionate, noble, funny, heroic “I’m honestly doing great,” he talked about how we don’t say that Andrew came back. I like to think even. But this? This hunched over, said with one of those big grins. we love each other enough and he’s that he regained control and for nearly sobbing kid was so far from But I couldn’t really be sure that right. So I’m going to start. Not for those last moments lived again. I that. He was broken. he wasn’t just saying that to make me. For Andrew. For MY Andrew.” like to think that our friendship me feel better or like I helped or There. I did it. And in that moment wasn’t a fabrication to make the I stood up and walked over something. I could never know he was back. I was him and he sorry sap they were burying feel to him. He knelt with his knees when he was telling the truth was me. But it wasn’t the him they important. I like to think that I spread and ankles touching, sit- anymore. knew, it was the one I did. could know whether he was ever ting back on his feet. His arms real. I like to think that, but I hung limp, fingertips hanging I like to think that he really Andrew’s body was buried on a don’t really want to know the down to the concrete. Not knowing was doing great. I like to think bright mid-August morning. Only truth.