SUICIDE The Forever Decision New 3rd Edition By Dr. Paul G. Quinnett Dr. Quinnett is a clinical psychologist and the Director of the QPR Institute, an educational organization dedicated to preventing suicide. He has worked with suicidal people and survivors of suicide for more than 35 years. Author of seven books and an award- winning journalist, he is also a Clinical Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science at the University of Washington School of Medicine, Seattle, Washington. Compliments of the QPR Institute Suicide: the Forever Decision For those thinking about suicide and for those who know, love and counsel them. DISCLAIMER Both author and publisher wish the reader to know that this book does not offer mental health treatment, and in no way should be considered a substitute for consultation with a professional. The identities of the people written about in this book have been carefully disguised in accordance with professional standards of confidentiality and in keeping with their rights to privileged communication with the author. TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION Introduction ...........................................................................5 CHAPTER1 You Don't Have to Be Crazy...................................................7 CHAPTER2 An Idea That Kills ................................................................ 11 CHAPTER3 Don't I Have a Right to Die?................................................. 13 CHAPTER4 Are You Absolutely Sure?.................................................... 19 CHAPTER5 One Step Back, Please.......................................................... 25 CHAPTER6 The Bug in the Cup ............................................................. 27 CHAPTER7 Loneliness .......................................................................... 31 CHAPTER8 The Good News About Depression....................................... 39 CHAPTER9 Angry Enough to Kill Yourself? ........................................... 45 CHAPTER10 Maximum Stress ................................................................. 50 CHAPTER11 Too Hopeless to Hope.......................................................... 58 CHAPTER12 Drugs, Booze, and Fatal Mistakes ......................................... 67 CHAPTER13 They Won't Love You When You're Gone, Either ................. 72 CHAPTER14 For Those Who Have Tried ................................................. 79 CHAPTER15 What If You Don't Succeed?................................................. 83 CHAPTER16 The People You Leave Behind.............................................. 87 CHAPTER17 Time Heals ......................................................................... 92 CHAPTER18 Getting Help ........................................................................ 94 CHAPTER19 A Philosophy of Life .......................................................... 101 EPILOGUE Epilogue ............................................................................ 105 1 INTRODUCTION Dear Reader; I don't know who you are or why you are reading these words. I only know that you have picked up this book and, for the moment, you are reading it. It is my hope that if you need this book, you will continue to read it. As an author, it would help me a great deal if I knew more about you. But I don't and, unless we meet sometime someplace, we can never know one another. So we are stuck right here in the beginning. We are strangers and that is the way things will be between us. But this should not stop us. At least it will not stop me. I am going to write this book directly to you, as if you were sitting with me in my office. My office is a warm room. It is quiet and private. We have comfortable chairs and the phone doesn't ring. No one will disturb us in my office. It is the office in which I do what psychologists often do-listen to people, talk with them, and try to help them with life's problems. At the outset I must assume a couple of things about you. And while it is dangerous to make assumptions about people, because of our relationship, I will have to do it. I will assume that because you are reading this book, you have thought about taking your own life, or that you have already attempted to do so. Either way, I will assume you are greatly troubled and that you have considered ending your life. Assuming this to be true, I am going to talk to you about the pain of living and the consequences of dying, so far as I know about them. I am going to talk to you about suicide. And because your life is at stake, I am not going to fool around. I am not going to kid you. I am not going to mince words. Rather, I intend to be just as honest and straightforward as I know how to be. And because I have known many people who have wanted to kill themselves and too many who have, I have some idea of what kind of mood you are in at the moment. I know you may not be up to reading a book. But maybe you could read this one. I will keep it short. One of the reasons I have written this book is that suicide is an unpleasant topic. People do not like to talk about it. They do not like to hear that another human being is so troubled that he or she is considering self-destruction. But this silence is not good for us. It is not good for the troubled person and it is not good for those of us who may wish to avoid the fact that someone we know is so desperate and so alone that ending his or her life seems the only solution. It is time we talked, and talked candidly. Some people may argue that a book of this kind should not be written and that, somehow, talking plainly about suicide will increase the chances that a reader may die by suicide. I do not believe this is true, and several research studies support my opinion. Rather, it is my feeling that the more we learn about dying, the more we learn about living. And, when we have learned more about both, maybe we are better able to fully live all of the life we have left to us. Another reason I have written this book is that many people kill themselves without ever knowing that help was just phone call away. You wonder, in this modern age, how this can be. But it is true. So maybe this book will find its way into the hands of someone who never knew 2 help was there and where to find it. Maybe this book will give someone that little bit of courage they need to ask for that help, or to hold on for another day or another week or until their life changes for the better and the thoughts of suicide begin to fade. Just one more note. I do not have any magic answers or quick solutions to life's problems. I don't think anyone does. So I won't offer you any easy ways of living or simple solutions to the pain and suffering that seem to be a part of all our lives. But because this book is about suicide and nothing less than your life is at stake, I won't apologize for what I have to say to you that you may not like. For all I know, this book may be the last thing you ever read. Paul Quinnett 3 CHAPTER 1 YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE CRAZY The first thing I want to tell you about suicide is that you don't have to be crazy to think about it or, for that matter, even to try it. Suicide is a solution. No matter what anyone tells you, suicide does solve problems, at least your problems. And if you succeed, it solves them once and for all. As you have no doubt already figured out, once you are dead nothing can hurt you anymore. Once you are dead you are beyond feeling bad. Once you are dead you can't possibly care what happens anymore. Whatever pain you are in, it will end just as soon as you stop breathing. Since there is no point in kidding each other right here in the beginning, I won't argue with you that suicide doesn't work. It does. Or at least it seems to. Before this time in your life, my guess is that when you heard people say they felt like killing themselves, you thought they were crazy. Now, if you are in that same place, maybe you can see how they felt. For whatever reasons people think it, most of them will say you are crazy for thinking about suicide. Or, if you kill yourself, they will say you must have been crazy to have done it. But the truth is that most people who kill themselves are not mentally ill, at least in the way we think of people who are “out of their minds.” Yes, people who are psychotic sometimes kill themselves, but most people who die by suicide are people just like you and me; people who, for reasons I hope you will explore with me, have decided that life is just not worth living anymore. The great majority of people who attempt or complete a suicide are so sad or hopeless or angry that they simply can't stand life anymore. Or they have been dealt such a terrible blow by life that they are overwhelmed and can see no other way to end the feelings of loss, stop the suffering and regain control over their future. But they are not crazy. And, most likely, neither are you. Later in this book I will talk in detail about depression, loneliness, anger, hopelessness, stress, and how these states of mind can influence us and trigger our thoughts of suicide. But for the moment I encourage you to try to read the book through from front to back so that you will understand the hows, the whys, and all the risks and consequences of trying to kill yourself. One of the things that happens when you begin to think about suicide as a way out is that you begin to feel better, sometimes a little better, sometimes a lot better. After all, when you've been stuck with a problem for which there seems to be no answer, finally finding one is a great relief.