Student Newspaper of The University of Lethbridge • Volume 38 Issue 22 • www.themeliorist.com • Thursday, 3 March, 2005

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Tribute to an icon; A look Hidden treasures on the back at Hunter S. movie store shelves; a new Thompson's psychedelic weekly entertainment fea­ life. One of our society's ture. Our writers review counterculture heroes, obscure and under- appre­ Thompson's controversial ciated cinema classics. writings and exuberant Served with a generous style inspired the lives of helping of gourmet cheesi- many over five decades, ness. This week: Killer including two of our own Klowns from Outer Space. staff. Set' page 17 for tlu> first gripping See articles on pages 18 and 26. Instalment.

Index News - Pg 3 Entertainment- Pg 15 Sports - Pg 23 Letters to the editor - Pg 8 Comics-Pg 12 Caption Contest - Pg 22 Meliorist Information The MelioriNl I Thursday, 3 March 2003 I Page 02

Lance Semak - Production Manager Chris Hibbard - Copy Editor Meet the staff of ( [email protected] ) (c.editor(('Hhemeliorist.com) Hi, I'm Lance. I'm a second I'm Chris. I'm trained as a journalist (thanks LCC!) but after year Masters student Studying doing it for a year or so I am now a first year English major English. I do the layout of the with grandiose dreams of warping young minds as an English newspaper and many other excit­ teacher someday. I'm a glorified ing activities in the office. Alter I proofreader for the Meliorist and The Meliorist so if there are spelling and gram­ quit baggin' glue hack in '98, the blur in my brain dissipated, and mar mistakes in the paper they're David Green - Editor-in-Chief my destiny became clear: 1 must all my fault. When I'm not doing ([email protected]) stop the man who talks inside this I'm usually listening to tunes, Welcome to the mv head! watching movies, playing Frisbee, University. I hope you enjoy belting out semi-decent karaoke or your time here. Be sure to let just hanging around with the buds. us know what you think about the paper. Don Nguyen - Local Ad Representative Amber Herbison- Creative Designer ([email protected] ) ([email protected] ) Hi my name is Don and I am Hi, my name is Amber. I'm an art student who is interested in the Advertising Manager. If you design. I get lots of practice because I'm the Creative Designer would like to promote your busi­ for the Meliorist. That means that I ness to over 7000 students, get to create ads and mastheads for please give me "holla". If you our beloved school newspaper. In have a sense of humour please my spare time I try to sleep and eat Joseph Brunton - Business Manager read my Weekly Top 5 in the fea­ something, and I've recently been ([email protected]) tures section. If you lack a sense deemed "hostile". But I don't like Hello my name is Joe. I'm a or humour, please skip over it bananas. 3rd-year management student lost in a sea of newspapermak- and don't read it. Peace Out! ers. I like cake and want to be a racecar when I grow up. Nathan Sharpe - News Editor Vikramjit Gill- Webmaster ([email protected] ) ([email protected] ) Hey, I am your news editor, back for another year.I do the Hey, I am Vikram, a final year new media student. I love first section and if you like my working on computers and tech­ writing, great.Otherwise, just nology; that's why I'm here at think, your levy pays my salary. the Meliorist as Webmaster.

An autonomous body, separate from the U of L Students' Union SU-166,4401 University Drive West, Lethbridge, AB T1K 3M4 student Newspaper of the University of Lethbridge Craig Hamilton - Sports Editor Jaime Tremblay- Office Assistant mel^ioTism (meel'ye riz'm, me'le e-j, n. the ([email protected] ) ([email protected] ) doctrine that the world tends to become better Greatest sporting achieve­ Hey everyone. My name is Jaime, and I am a fourth year or may be made better by human effort ment? A hole-in-one on a 117- history major. I am back for one yard par three.Forget ability, this more year at the Meliorist as the was the most horrible shot of my The Meliorist is the student newspaper of the University of Lethbridge, pubkhed most Office Assistant. My duties include Thursdays throughout the academic year by The Meiorist PubSshing Society, an round. Hitting a seven iron, I filling the Features section in the autonomous incorporated body. Please address all correspondence to The Meiorist, skulled it, and sent a screaming paper and assisting the Business 4401 University Drive, Lethbridge, Alberta, T1K 3M4, or drop it off at room SU-166. shot flat and straight. Ithought it Manager and Editor-in-Chief. I am Deadine for submissions is Sunday at noon. The phone number is (403) 329-2334 or had rolled off the back of the not feeling very witty this morning, fax us at 329-2333. The Meiorist appreciates and encourages the writing of thought­ green, but when I walked up so this is the best you are getting ful, concise, timely letters. However, The Meiorist will only consider for pubication those tothe cup, there I found it. No out of me. ther than that, I hope letters which are signed by the author (special arrangements may be made fa those skill, pure luck. that you continue to enjoy the wishing anonymity, but absolutely no pseudonyms), contain the authors legible name, paper. Giddy up! address, telephone number and student identification number (address, I.D. and phone number not for pubication). Letters may be edited for brevity, clarity and legal­ ity. The Meforisf reserves the right to edit submissions and wil not print ibebus material. Jared McKenzie - Entertainment Editor And. ([email protected]) Editor-in-Chief | David Green Hey, I'm Jared. You may think that I hate all U of L the­ The Meliorist Publishing Society Board of Directors einc(ii) themeliorist.com atre productions and love only Heather Logan - Chair Business Manager | Joseph Brunton hipster music, but those are only David Green - Ex-officio [email protected] half-truths. I also like world music. Anyway, the Joseph Brunton - Ex-officio Advertising Manager | Don Nguyen Entertainment Section has Lance Semak - Staff Representative [email protected] moved this week. Don't worry, I know it's your favourite part of Gene Lublinkhof - Union Representative Copy Editor | Chris Hibbard this weekly paper, so you'll be Clay Campbell - SU Representative [email protected] able to find it on pages 11-14. Craig Monk - GFC Representative Production Manager | Lance Semak Fortunately, the awesomeness Andrew Keller - Student at Large [email protected] has remained. Distribution Manager | Byron Douichak [email protected] News Editor | Nathan Sharpe Notice of Meeting #5 [email protected] Meliorist Publishing Society Entertainment Editor | Jared McKenzie [email protected] The Meliorist Publishing Society's Board Meeting #s. Sports Editor | Craig Hamilton [email protected] January 17. at s;3Q pm in SU Conference Room Photo Editor | Niki Standing [email protected] Creative Designer | Amber Herbison c.designer (.a thcmcliorist.com AGENDA Office Assistant | Jaime Tremblay jaime.tremblay (u uleth.CQ - Approval of the minutes from WebMaster | Vikramjit Singh Gill - Job Descriptions Committee webmaster^ themeliorist.com meeting #4, held on December 13 Printing | Southern Alberta Newspaper Group - Policy Review Committee - Approval of the Agenda - Beefs and Bouquets - Items for Discussion: Contributors - Other Business Brian Heinrich, Angus Sutherland, DubbJay, Vince Chev, Bailey - Editor-in-Chiefs Report Thalheimer, Lindsey Schlachter, Luck) Pierre - Adjournment - Business Manager's Report Quote nl the week

'The man who doesn't read good books has no advan­ - Committee Updates tage over the man who can't read them." Mark Twain (1835 - 1010) News The Meliorist I Thursday, 3 March 2005 1 Page 03 News Women's Centre ousts males Who made them do it? the centre was nor in jeopardy of los­ He was concerned that the SU staff By Nathan Sharpe ing their funding. To date most of this maybe involved for personal reasons. News Editor funding has been coming from a gov­ Under the SU bylaws, personal activi­ ernment organization called Status of ties or political alliances "will not Women Canada (SWC) who have affect the ability of any Union repre­ commissioned a safety study at the sentative and employee to fulfill the ASON RUMER, VICK PRESIDENT university. Yet, the day after the ini­ responsibilities associated with Academic, has no idea what I am talk­ tial article was printed, Edwards sent his/her position." ing about when I ask him about the an email to the Campus Women's Thompson said that the CWC has Students' Union's negotiations with Centre collective (the voting body of been "cajoled and bullied" by the the Campus Women's Centre (CWC). volunteers) warning them that the Women's Studies Department, Status He does, however, mention that in the funding for their project - which of Women Canada, and certain indi­ Si's bylaws, "any matter that has to includes the salary of the center's only viduals from within the SU. He do with the operations of the SU must full time staff member - was in fact, in offered evidence of this by mentioning be brought up in the executive coun­ danger of being pulled. a meeting attended by representatives cil." He, along with Clay Campbell, the This was a direct contradiction to from SWC and the Women's Studies VP internal Affairs (half of the execu­ what she had previously told the Department. It was to discuss male tive), the General Assembly and the paper and she refused to comment volunteers within the centre even entirety of the student body have been further on SWC in later meetings. though none of the groups or individ­ left in the dark. Which begs the ques­ Debbie Nyczai, The Campus uals have jurisdiction over the centre's tion, why? Women's Centre coordinator in bylaws. member. Thompson agrees that Si per student levy, but this is not to The issue of having men volunteering charge of the safety study being con­ Representatives from both of these Edwards will likely be on the collec­ come until the fall semester. All stu­ in the CWC came to light in the ducted, said that she is aware that the organizations have neglected to tive after an initial probationary peri­ dents are to pay the levy but can February s issue of the Meliorist safety study monies are in jeopardy. answer specific questions about the od. No males are allowed on the col­ request that it be returned. and the CWC was then in the process She is afraid to say more because if Centre and its relationship to specific lective, and thus cannot vote on issues The Centre is located at SP 150 (by of deciding the fate of their male office this grant money is pulled, she loses individuals or organizations. pertaining to the centre. the tunnel in the SUB) and offers free sitters. her job. Edwards also said that she is now a In light of his recent dismissal from condoms, information about STDs, Recently it has been decided that In addition to her job being threat­ member of the Women's Centre col­ the CWC, Thompson says that in his domestic violence and other feminine men are not allowed to work inside ened, meetings and emails from lective. But when asked about this, the opinion "the existence of a campus issues. the centre, and as Loralee Edwards, Edwards have specifically excluded collective specifically told the women's centre objectifies the differ­ There are trained female staff on hand the President of the SU says "there her, even though Nyczai spends more Meliorist, "No she is not a collective ence between the two genders." in the office to answer any questions won't be men hanging around." time in the centre than any other per­ member". For now, if the SWC funding is cut, students may have. The Women's The three people from the SU who son. Edwards later retracted her previous Thompson believes it will be the end Centre also puts on special events have been meeting with the Centre Former volunteer Paul Thompson statement and said she was in the of the Women's Centre. The centre is during which male volunteers can over the past two months are Jon was not as lucky, "I have had my process of becoming a collective to receive additional funding from a help. Oxley, the General Manager, membership stripped away," he said. Edwards, and Kelly Andres, the VP He claims that being excluded from financial. All three are self-pro­ membership was only because he is a claimed feminists. male. He said that no one has ever Wal-Mart store closure won't One of the most interesting pieces of complained about him, a male in the information about the feminist-ori­ centre, and alleges that the people ented centre is the fact that in the making statements against him "are stop organizing, union says February 3rc* issue of the Meliorist, the ones that don't want men in the Edwards was quoted as saying that centre." Canada-wide unionization campaign underway

union," said Fawkes. "(These employ­ ers) don't give anything away, but International Women's By Patrick Szpak (negotiations) have a substantial level The Martlet of respect between both parties." (University of Victoria) When asked if Wal-Mart brings the Day Celebration to VICTORIA (CUP) same level of respect to negotiations, Fawkes answered: "Absolutely not. feature U of L students Wal-Mart respects nothing." Fawkes referred to recent fines given women's rights and women's univer­ JF^ksks WAL-MART DRAWS CRITI- to Wal-Mart stores in the U.S. for hav­ sal suffrage. The next year more that cism for its continuing efforts to halt Wal-Mart. ing used child labour and hired illegal one million men and women attended organized labour's attempts to gain a Fawkes said the union was undaunt­ immigrants, along with lawsuits SU Press Release IWD rallies in Austria, Denmark, foothold in its stores, one union says ed by Wal-Mart's closure of its store claiming systematic sexism. Germany and Switzerland. By 1917, the retailer can't stop them all. in Quebec and it would continue to Wal-Mart, however, refuses to be the initiative to mark a single day to The recently announced closing of a battle for union representation of depicted as a workplace ogre and has call for "bread and peace" was again store in Jonquiere, Que., will leave Wal-Mart employees across the coun­ launched campaigns in the U.S. and CROUP OF WOMF.N FROM THE taken by Russian women many of 190 employees without jobs in May. try. Canada to "set the record straight" by University of Lethbridge are co-coor­ whom were involved in the peace The workers, who voted to unionize "We haven't slowed down any," said trumpeting the company's allegedly dinating a celebration for movement. Today, IWD remains a with the United Food and Fawkes. "Whether it takes six months good relations with its "associates," its International Women's Day, March time to "call for change and to cele­ Commercial Workers in September or six years, it's inevitable" Wal-Mart name for employees, as well as its 8tn. The event, a lunehtime conversa­ brate acts of courage and determina­ 2004, had spent the last three months employees will have union represen­ charitable activities, which amount to tion featuring ten students and repre­ tion by ordinary women who have in negotiations with Wal-Mart but tation. over $30 million in Canada. sentative of the Campus Women's played an extraordinary role in the had failed to reach a collective agree­ The Jonquiere store was the first Groh dismissed recent criticism. Centre, will be held in the SU build­ history of women's rights." ment. Wal-Mart in North America to union­ "We're the world's biggest (retail) cor­ ing, Ballroom A, beginning at 12:15. The event held at the Student Union Wal-Mart officials claimed the clo­ ize and is being followed by another poration, and that makes us a target Students participating in the round- Ballroom A at the University of sure had nothing to do with union Quebec Wal-Mart in St-Hyacinthe. for criticism and scrutiny, whether table will be: Kristen Hause, Marcia Lethbridge will provide a forum for a negotiations and the shutdown was The U.S.- and Canada-based UFCW earned or not." Black Water, Kristen Haase, Corinne diverse group of students to voice due to the poor performance and lack has been waging a Canada-wide cam­ "We try to have as direct a relation­ Hepher, Eve Hunter, Lily Marquez, their current concerns, challenges, of profitability of the Jonquiere store. paign to get unions into Wal-Mart ship as possible with our associates. Megan Milne, Melanie Nicol, Sophia and successes as women in and of the "We were unable to reach an agree­ outlets. The union is supporting We really prefer a one-to-one kind of Purohit, Cindy Wong. Mistress of cer­ 21st century. Some of the issues stu­ ment with the union that would have organizing activities in Quebec, dynamic," said Bill Wertz, spokesper­ emonies will be SU's Kelly Andres. dents will address include: allowed the store to operate efficient­ Saskatchewan and B.C. stores. son for Wal-Mart International. Designated in many countries as a ly and properly," said Kevin Groh, The UFCW represents 230,000 Wertz's statement echoes the posi­ national holiday, International What's important to you now? What spokesperson for Wal-Mart Canada. workers across Canada. tion of Wal-Mart's U.S. division, Women's Day in annually commemo­ do you imagine will be significant Tom Fawkes, director of communi­ Fawkes is confident Wal-Mart will which also claims a preference for rated at the United Nations and cele­ issues for women 20 years from cations for local 1518 of the UFCW in eventually succumb to the UFCW and one-to-one relationships unhampered brated by women on all continents. now? What are some of the issues British Columbia, was not surprised points to successes the union has had by third parties such as unions. IWD originated at the turn of the cen­ that feminism has achieved or strug­ by the closure of the Jonquiere outlet. with other large corporations like In 2000, Wal-Mart terminated the tury with the first IWD held in the gled for that remain of concern to "Our members know that this corpo­ Coca-Cola, Zellers, the Real Canadian position of meat-cutter in all of its United States in 1909. In 1910, a you? ration will do anything. They are Superstore and Save-on-Foods. U.S.-based stores shortly after 12 Socialist International conference capable of anything," he said. "These companies are not pushovers. workers in Texas voted to join the held in Copenhagen proposed that a All are welcome. Bring your bag The UFCW is also attempting to They're hard, tough employers, but UFCW. Wal-Mart claimed the deci­ day be set aside annually t<» honour lunch. Refreshments and desert will unionize workers in the tire and lube they at least recognize the law and sion to do away with meat-cutters was the worldwide movement for be available. department of the Langford, B.C., right of their employees to belong to a unrelated to the union. News The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I I'ogc 04 University of Manitoba student CASA to stay union votes to leave CASA SU to remain in federal lobby group Student referendum on joining CFS a possibility

Joe Kalturnyk, head of the student CASA to address their concerns, but concerns at the provincial level. affairs committee, said CASA's poli­ CASA's structure made it difficult for Last semester the Canadian By Robert Kotyk cies had not "matured" enough students to offer feedback. By Nathan Sharpe Federation of Students made a pres­ CUP Central Bureau Chief throughout the group's existence. "In an organization, if you want to News Editor entation to the SU and it was consid­ "They've been around for nine years, find out what's wrong, talk to your ered as a possibility to make the move WINNIPEG (CUP) and they're just beginning to become members," he said. "I don't think this back to CFS. bilingual," he said. "That would be was rushed. I think this was a long HE STUDENTS' UNION DECID­ The CFS fee structure is much more okay if they were a provincial organi­ time coming as far as this last year, ED TO coNtinue membership with expensive though, with fees amount­ ni'. UNIVERSITY OF MANITOHA zation . . . (but) the fact that they're a and I'm pretty sure that they were CASA (the Canadian Alliance of ing to $7.20 per student. Rumer said STUDENT union has voted in favour of national organization .. . was a major aware of what was coming up." Student Associations) next year," that it would make no sense to make leaving the Canadian Alliance of In November, the student union voted Jason Rumer, the Vice President the switch to CFS if the SU was con­ Student Associations, the national problem." to become a prospective member of Academic announced on Monday, cerned with the fee structure of CASA. lobbying group it has been a member Marriott also asserted the council felt the Canadian Federation of Students, February 28th. the money spent on CASA - some $42,000 per year - would be better the other prominent national student CASA is the university's federal spent elsewhere. lobby-group. lobby group and represents almost "One of the issues (for) our council However, the policy committee has 300,000 students with 19 member not yet made a recommendation to schools. It was formed when member was that, for the membership fees that council about becoming a full mem­ schools of the Canadian Federation of we pay to CASA, the benefits were not ber of the CFS. Should that recom­ Students, the other Federal student there for students," he said. mendation come, a student referen­ lobby group, broke off and started CASA national director James Kusie, their own group, CASA. himself a former vice-president of the dum would take place to decide It costs approximately S2.75 per stu­ University of Manitoba student whether or not to join the group. dent at the U of L, while the union, expressed dismay over the Kalturnyk could not say when or if a University of British Columbia pays council's decision and asserted his recommendation would be made to eventually join CFS this year. only $0.70 per student. This has been Loralee Edwards, the Students' of for nine years. group had not been informed of its a major concern of the Students' Union President was concerned with The decision Feb. 10 comes after a concerns. Now the University of Manitoba has Union. the lack of return on the SU's invest­ review of the student union's national "I'm extremely disappointed for one dropped out of CASA, Red River The University of Lethbridge ment. She contacted Lethbridge affiliation by its student affairs com­ thing that (the student union) did College remains the sole post-second­ Student's Union decided we hadn't Member of Parliament Rick Casson mittee, which recommended in a decide to end relations with the ary institution in the province whose done enough to explore changing the who reported that CASA has not been report the union leave CASA. The organization," he said. "CASA was student union remains a member of fee model with CASA," said Rumer. contacted for an appointment by motion passed easily, with 24 council never informed of the motion. There the group. This is the strategy that the Students' CASA in the last few years. He also members voting in favour, four voting was no communication with the Kusie maintained, however, repre­ Union will be taking in the future with said that he had not heard of any against and one abstention. organization at all on any intentions." sentation in Manitoba would not be a CASA and the Students' Union will actions that CASA had taken in the According to Rob Marriott, the stu­ Kusie also criticized the student problem. see if they are able to change. last few years. dent union's director of public rela­ affairs committee's report, saying it "I think the Red River College "I felt we had not made our issues Without CASA or CFS, the University tions, the council had a variety of con­ did not fully reflect his group. Students' Association is a very strong public enough to the organization to of Lethbridge Students' Union would cerns about CASA, prompting the "It really failed to, in my opinion, student association in the province," justify leaving," said Rumer who be unrepresented federally so for the decision. provide any concrete examples to he said. "I'm not worried. . . I just admitted that the communication time being, the SU voted by a slim "There were a number of questions back up the claims that are contained would like to see as many schools with the federal lobby group has been margin to spend the next year trying raised around how well (CASA) actu­ within," he said. around CASA's table as we can possi­ minimal in the previous year with to bring about change in the fee struc­ ally represents students nationally," However, Kalturnyk said his commit­ bly have to really engage students in most of the SU's energies addressing ture of CASA. he said. tee gave enough time and notice to the process of effecting change."

Show us the money Thinking about an International Career ? University Administration reacts to Klein's promises about PSE

Seminar by Jean-Marc Hachey, author of the best seller The BIG Guide to Living and Working Overseas

The SAME SEMINAR will be presented twice:

Wednesday, March 9 2005

12 pm to 2 pm & 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm (SU 300 Ballroom B) 'If I were in student politics I would fore­ "Anything we can have to get students in see tremendous challenges ahead." the university is a good thing." Win»Fm Copy! • Entw on t/w Hoticebwd!! - University President Bill Cade - University Vice President Finance and Mr Hac/ieys book will also to offered at a ffl Administration Nancy Walker ww'ng tot $40 (mcludts git} during tin minu

many university administration members in X This two-hour seminar (presented twice on March 9th) Uberta, she is waiting for more details. n is full of tips and techniques describing: the skills for By Nathan Sharpe "Everything is up in their air right now," said being successful overseas, gaming international News Editor Cade. Hi' is optimistic and looks foreword to experience, step-by-step strategies for finding solving the access problems be admits are international work, and how international resumes are present. different from Canadian resumes. If you ever These access problems are to be alleviated by contemplated going abroad to study, volunteer, travel, In the wake of massive promises made 60,000 new post-Secondary spots in Alberta to intern or work, this seminar is for you! by Premier Klein and the Tories of Alberta. be opened by 2020, 15,000 of them in tbe next post secondary institutions are still filled three wars. Walker calculated that to be an X Jean-Marc Hachey is a leading authority on with questions. average of 600 new students for the U of Land international careers. He is a writer, consultant and "We don't have enough detail," said University although she doesn't know where they will all engaging public speaker who has shared his international of Lethbridge Vice President Finance and go, she said, "Anything we can have to get stu­ employment strategies with thousands of Canadians. Administration Nancy Walker. dents in the university is a good thing." Hachey's popular workshops crackle with tips, true University President Bill Cade also had con­ Walker explained that this increased access stories and Acadian humour, and have helped launch cerns, lie is in support of the tuition freeze but would be crucial and although the administra­ many international careers. he says that students should be "concerned tion, she admits "have no concept of what they about what happens alter that." I the government) will change" to accommo­ SPONSORED BY 1 ie is afraid that students still in university will date those students she is optimistic about • Faculty of Arts & Science lie ill for a "double whaminy" next year and be their integration. • International Centre for Students cautioned that "its conceivable the only people Cade also acknowledged, "tbe most important • Registrar's Office and Student Services that benefit will be students in their fourth [change] is the expansion of the system." • Faculties of Education and Management war [of study]" lie warned that there are fundamental and • Career & Employment Services Walker says tb.it tbe new move is positive and profound changes to be made in the future and that il has brought about more dialogue but aid. li 1 were in student politic, 1 would lore This seminar is free and all are welcome! admittedly has no idea what to expect, and like see tremendous challenges ahead.' News The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I Page 05

U9|.(J9UI2|T publicly funded, this paper, the gym and pool, Newsbites public transit, art projects, street maintenance, By Nathan Sharpe elections etc. The list is literately endless and News Editor money will inevitably be wasted on some things, your money. the pro-Syrian government, he had worked for An important part to this is that even if you years to encourage Lebanese independence. Y OU, THE BELOVED READERS, ARE ALL don't think that a particular facility or service Syria has been sticking its head up quite often shareholders, even if you don't know it. will help you, it may still be essential to others. I recently, handing over Saddam Hussein's half It sounds strange and I only realized this when don't mind having handicapped parking stalls li[ER E ARE THREE OF THE MOST INTEREST- brother Sabawi Ibrahim al-Hassan al-Tikriti on I was trying to convey this message to someone for instance, because I understand why they are ing news stories of the past week. Their choice Sunday, 27 February. Ariel Sharon also last week, but because you, the students, pay for needed, even if not by myself. If I was paying comes from my own bias, take that as you will. blamed the Syrian Government for supporting some of this paper, we have a responsibility to money to have parking stalls for the sole conven­ You may find my slant appealing, you may not, the terrorists that blew up the Tel Aviv night­ you. ience of luxury cars so their occupants would not I don't care. You may not see my news picks on club on Sunday. Syria is under intense pres­ More than just this paper though, the adminis­ have to walk, I may have an issue. the six o'clock news, that's OK...the real news sure from the United States tration of the university, the Students' Union, My point in this example is that as a sharehold­ rarely is. If you have an obscure but important even the government that taxes us. Money is col­ er, I don't need to directly benefit from all of my news article you feel the need to share, please 3. The Sankei national newspaper in Japan lected - often without the consent of the collectee investments. do so at [email protected] suggested on 28 February that the North - and then we all assume it goes towards great Now what you and I should be asking is, where Korean Government has made informal sug­ and wonderful things. Sometimes it doesn't does the money go? Public organizations need to 1. Ariel Sharon and his cabinet have begun to gestions that it may return to the bargaining though. maintain an open communication with their chart the final borders of Israel, approving table in June. This is only weeks after North For example, we at the newspaper, the "shareholders" so that those people know that withdrawal from the Gaza Strip and the move­ Korea officially announced that it possesses Administration, The Students' Union Executive, their cash is not being spent on. ment of the West Bank separation barrier. In nuclear weapons and that it was boycotting and Government officials all have to travel at We have a right to know - that is why there are an ironic twist of fate this most hawkish of multi-lateral talks on nuclear disarmament. partly your expense. If you knew that your $5 so many protests against public policy, such as Israeli Prime Ministers is vigorously encourag­ Neither U.S. nor Japanese governments would levy for the paper was going towards my 5 star the Iraqi war, Ballistic Missile Defense, tuition ing peace and co-operating well with Mahmoud confirm the report. South Korea, Russia and hotel and champagne, you, as a shareholder rates etc. If these shareholders feel that their Abbas, the new Palestinian PM. Sharon is still China met in Seoul on 26 February to discuss would have every right to feel bitter. The same money is being used inappropriately, they often exhibiting signs of wariness however in the strategies to lure the reclusive communist goes for the other aforementioned organizations; do not have the ability to take their money back wake of the Tel Aviv nightclub bombing on nation back to the bargaining table. North this is why publicly funded institutions need so they in turn, protest. Friday, 25 February. Korea is reportedly demanding concessions transparency. This is the beauty of democracy, the right to free just for showing up. Talks between China, This word transparency hold great meaning, its speech. In a society where money is taken from 2. The Pro-Syria government of Lebanon, led Japan, the US, South Korea and Russia have most important implication held in the account­ your pocket without your consent, you have the by Omar Karami resigned on Monday, 28 been going on since 2003 with little progress. ability to the public sector. absolute right to ask where it goes. February. This is the latest development of North Korea has a history of making grandiose The larger idea here is that as a monetary con­ I challenge you readers to find something frivo­ protests sparked by the massive car-bomb in claims against the US and its allies in the Far tributor to anything, you become a shareholder lous that you fund, but do so simply out of apa­ Lebanon that killed former Prime Minister East, most recently accusing Japan of plotting and your voice become important. Try and think thy. Now go ask them what they do with your Rafik Hariri. While Hariri had been a part of to invade. about all of the things that are at least partially money. Teach English Teach English Worldwide Start Your Adventure Today! World Class TESOL Certification in 5-days \ Over 25,000 Global TESOL Graduates are Teaching in 85 Countries ESL Teacher Training Courses Study In-Class, Online or by Correspondence Intensive 60>Hour Program Classroom Management Techniques .Call Today for a FREE Info Pack: Detailed Lesson Planning Comprehensive Teaching Materials Internationally Recognized Certificate 1-888-270-2941 ]ob Guarantee Included "It Changed GLOBAL Thousands of Satisfied Students my Life Forever" ********L_IIL. Oxford Seminars OLLfGf 1 -800-269-671 ^ www. oxfoidsemiiiais. <:c* News The Meliorist I Thursday, 3 March 2005 I Page 06 Serpent-tongued side show

his art because "it lends a By Nathan Sharpe greater impact to your work." News Editor He explained that when artists gather for a critique, "at the end everybody walks away." For him, his I STARTED OFF BY SHOVING A SAFE- piece is a total commitment. preconceived ty pin through my ear," says Erik "I wanted my work to be a little more judgments" wouldn't Sprague, AKA The Lizardman. "I meaningful," Sprague says. "It does­ listen to him anyway, and if kinda liked it," he says as he smiles n't end until I die, disappear and fade they were to take the time to talk to through his pointed teeth. from memory." him "they would see that the motiva­ The Lizardman, who I met at a recent Sprague says that people are natural­ tions to what I do are different." tattoo convention in Calgary, is a full- ly curious with his attempts at trying Sprague describes his primary moti­ time sideshow artist from Texas, and to remove his resemblance to human vation as simply making himself is truly a unique and gifted human beings. He tries to describe it by say­ happy. being. He can do an array of insane ing that people think in relation to When asked about his body he says "I stunts you would only see on a other things, and because he does not am happy with what I see as the ben­ sideshow, anything from standard look quite right as a human, they are efits to what I have done." freak-fare such as putting nails in his forced to create a new identity for He says that through it all, "it only head (via the nasal passages) to lifting him. "I get stared at a lot," he admits, works because I absolutely love it." weights from his body piercings. but he believes that peoples fascina­ When Sprague takes the stage this The Lizardman can also scare chil­ tion is natural. "That's the point. becomes as obvious as his tattoos. dren and make grownups vomit with Everyone is interested and involved in He does more than shock, he makes his mental floss trick where he lets his my artistic project." the audience laugh, scream, turn pet Cricket (an American rough green He says that by using your body as a away, and smile. snake) slither through his nose and performance piece "you vastly Sprague says that "dying out is unlike­ out his mouth. increase your impact on your view­ ly" because "the return simply isn't He also attempts tricks not suitable ers." there. for publication and you would have to His performance piece was not an The Lizardman believes that his mod­ see them to believe that they were overnight decision. It took him four ifications will never fade from their possible; but that is not what he can years to decide on the Lizard. Other taboo status because body modifica­ do with his body that makes him so ideas were a gargoyle, a full body tion has been around for a long time interesting, it is what he has done, maze, or a short story he wrote. and it still shocks people. Yet "you why and how. Ultimately, it was his childhood fasci­ can't find evidence of a human culture Something that is as shocking as his nation of the lizard man that took pri­ that has not modified the human split tongue, pointed teeth, Teflon sub ority. body." dermal implants, and full body tattoo­ "I used to draw split tongues on peo­ He looks nonchalant as he admits that ing, is the fact that he holds a degree ple," he says. he is not the only freak out there "I'm in philosophy and rather than finish­ Not everyone can understand or another drop in a fairly large bucket." ing his doctorate, he decided to dedi­ enjoy The Lizardman though; as some To come this far though, he says, "I've cate his life, and his body, to his art. people might call him a masochist. worked very hard to become a freak," He says he chose his body to exhibit But Sprague thinks that people with and he's proud of it.

RECEIVE A PREE 16OX SOO A WTTH THE OTJRCHASE OF A «* INCH OR FOOTLONO SUE

** CANNOT REE * JSEI> WITH ANY OTHER. DISCOUNT OR PROMOTION •*• OF1HER EXPIRES MARCH 16r2W» *«• U of L LOCATION ONLY The Meliorist I Thursday, 3 March 2005 I Page 07

--. mWMiTSiS M, cartoonist wanted... The Meliorist is looking for an interested amateur cartoonist /artist to illustrate an original weekly or bi-weekly comic strip. YOU" Any interested artists, please drop To lessen their workload! a line to [email protected] Students are free to contribute for more information. articles, editorials etc, to [email protected]

The important dates are listed below for those interest­ ed in running for Students' National Defense Union positions. ••I Defence rationale If you are interested in running, stop by the SU office at SU 180 or get some more information off their com­ prehensive website www.ulsu.ca. Options Les options You may also notice that the email addresses of several current Students' Union officials are listed so if you make font want to know exactly what your new job would entail, they would likely all the toute la know. Nominations open: 8:30 AM, Monday March 7, 2005 difference difference Nominations close: 4 PM, Friday March 11, 2005 No matter what your Peu importe la nature de vos Candidate Orientation Meeting: 5.00 PM, Friday March 11, 2005 university education, etudes universitaires, vous (Mandatory) Campaigning opens: 7 AM, Monday you can enjoy a career pouvez beneficier d'une March 14, 2005 with a difference in the carriere differente dans Town Hall Speeches , Q/A: Noon, Wednesday March 16, 2005 Canadian Forces. les Forces canadiennes. Campaigning closes: 10 PM, Saturday March 19, 2005 On-Line voting opens: 9 AM, Monday Engineers • Ingenieurs March 21, 2005 On-Line voting closes: 4 PM, Physiotherapists • Physiotherapeutes Thursday March 24, 2005

Social Workers • Travailleurs sociaux/ The Executive positions are listed Pilots travailleuses sociales below with their honorariums. President Doctors • Pilotes $i65o/month VP Academic Nurses • Medeclns $i20o/month Pharmacists • Infirm iers/infirmieres VP Administration $i200/month Naval Officers • Pharmaciens/ VP Internal Affairs pharmaciennes $i20o/month To learn more, contact • Officiers de marine The General assembly positions are listed below with their respective us today. honorariums following. Pour obtenir de plus amples 6 Faculty of Arts & Science Reps. 1 Faculty of Education Rep. renseignements, veuillez 1 Faculty of Management Rep. 1 Faculty of Health Science Rep. communiquer avec nous 1 School of Fine Arts Rep. des aujourd'hui. 1 Residence Rep. 1 Undergraduate Board of Governors Rep. 1 Calgary Campus Rep. 1 Edmonton Campus Rep.

Directors(2) Strong. Proud. Today's Canadian Forces. $300/month Faculty, residence and Board of Decouvrez vos forces dans las Forces canadiennes. Governors Representatives $50/month Calgary and Edmonton Faculty Representatives CANADIAN FORCES $200/month 1 800 856-8488 Wmcmmtm.1 * u— fJ".'•••?.»'.FI'll www.forces.gc.ca Canada More important than the money is the experience, go challenge yourself and win a position. The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I Page 08 I 4-ticrs to the Editor

Next week the Meliorist will begin the hiring process for 2005/2006 school year. All positions will be available:

- Editor m Chief - Sports Editor - Business Manager - Photo Editor

- Advertising Manager - Creative Designer

- Production staff - Office Assistant

- Copy Editor - Web Master/Technician

- News Editor - Distribution Manager - Entertainment Editor

Look in next week's issue for more information!

ARE YOU... enthusiastic, creative, highly motivated, outgoing, a team player?

DO YOU HAVE... an interest in student issues, leadership skills, a desire to participate? Students' Union General Elections will take place March 2005 for all positions. For more information contact the Students' Union room SU180 or www.ulsu.ca or CR0 Robert Trinh at [email protected]. The following is a schedule of dates: WHAT IT TAKES... Faculty Nominations open: 8:30 AM, Monday March 7th Rep, Board of Governors Nominations close: 4 PM, Friday March 11 Rep or Inter campus Orientation Meeting (Mandatory): 5:00 PM, Friday March 11 Represen-tative; a few Campaigning opens: 7 AM, Monday March 14 Town Hall Speeches, Q/A: Noon, Wednesday March 16 hours per week, assist with Campaigning closes: 10 PM, Saturday March 19 activities, attend regularly On-Line voging opens: 9 AM, Monday March 21 scheduled meetings. On-Line voting closes: 4 PM, Thursday March 24

Executive Council; 35 FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT OUR WEB SITE hours per week, initiate student activities, serve on WWW.ULSU.CA several committees. Op. Ed. The Mfllorlsi I Thursday, 3 M;irch 2003 / Page 09

that does not harm anyone involved. I here are offended by bikinis and skirts By Lance Semak do not understand women's groups that end above the knee. I admit that that classify the event as getting near I don't mind seeing a nice set of nude Hrst off, I'll admit my inherent to some sort of assault against breasts on a good looking girl, in fact bias toward the subject because I'm a women. It's the women's choice to get it's something I strive to see as often young male who loves the female up on the stage and flash their breasts as possible, but let's grow up a little body, SO I could never approach a sub­ to a camera and a crowd, and, by tak­ bit and learn that Girls Gone Wild is ject like this with objectivity in mind. ing note of their tremendous smiles; nothing but a peep show of something I firmly believe that freedom of they look like they're having a lot of we've all seen more times than we can expression is something that should fun doing it. count. never be tampered with unless the I have done some wild things in Every visual form of media has expression directly harms someone my time, and the excitement behind some content that involves nudity, else. A good example of this 'tamper­ breaking societal norms is a nice and why have all the protesters of ing' happened back in October when break from the rigorous schedule I such media been unsuccessful in stop­ some art that depicted a woman's follow. I've always listened intently to ping it? They have failed because it is breasts was censored in the Meliorist. people who have stories about doing only the opinion of those who do not I can't see the justification in such wild and crazy things when the oppor­ participate in the actions. I don't censorship; therefore I cannot see the tunity arises, and the ability to share think the girls participating are justification in banning Girls Gone wild activities, not to mention the degrading themselves or their gender Wild as a form of entertainment in actual act of doing them, might be in any way. They are simply breaking our country. If we were to move in appealing to these women. I've been monotony for a night. If you don't this direction, we would then have to flashed several times by girls in vehi­ like it, don't go. If you're shy or think ban stripping as well, an activity simi­ cles on the highway and on the streets your body is only worthy of your eyes lar to Girls Gone Wild that harms no of our beloved city, so it doesn't take a to see, don't flash a camera. But don't one. Thank God we don't have nude cameraman and a bottle of booze to sit on your pedestal and tell people beaches around here. make people do something crazy that who are having fun that what they are I guess what I'm trying to say is involves public nudity. doing is wrong unless it is hurting that Girls Gone Wild is a form of Let's face it, Lethbridge is in the someone. No one gets hurt at these entertainment for men and women 'Bible Belt', and some people around shows, and everyone has a good time.

This Issue: Should Canadian communities ban Girls Gone Wild?

The issue for next week - Was the funded tuition freeze a good thing for students in Alberta?

Women should be respected and resentative of just how depraved our By David Green treated with dignity, as should men. society is becoming. I can't help mak­ Yet when individuals are shouting at ing a general comparison with the While I am not usually in favor of someone to take off their clothing and Roman Empire, from which many outright banning anything that people let them see more than would normal­ nations of the earth today have may perceive as a freedom or a right, I ly be acceptable unless two people learned so much. What began as a would make an exception in the Case were becoming intimate, the dignity small backward group of people of Girls Gone Wild. There is an inher­ and nobility of both the spectator and became one of the greatest powers ent right shared by individuals across the performer are lost. Girls gone wild this earth has ever seen - only to fall to the globe to express themselves (with promotes not only drunkenness and barbarians. While there may be a a few exceptions in the area of inde­ debauchery, but it encourages women myriad of reasons for their decline I cent exposure). This right, coupled to lose themselves in the moment and believe that one of the main causes of with the rights and leeway's given to do things which they would never their fall was the depravity of their enterprising individuals who wish to usually do. I understand that people society. Near the end the Romans start a business which caters to con­ do have a choice when deciding to were no longer the studious, religious, senting adults, means that the afore­ attend and perform at these types of hard working, dedicated people they mentioned entertainment venue is events. But we must ask ourselves once had been; they were more con­ not illegal. Nor do I want anyone to what it is that our society is coming to cerned with gladiators in rings, sport­ think that that is why I think they when an entertainment venue such as ing events, killing, whoring, drinking, should be banned. No, it is an issue of this becomes the hottest ticket in etc. Much like our society is fast morality and societal ethics that town. I believe that we can and should becoming. We may not fall to foreign drives me to my exclusionary conclu­ be better than an evening of girls per­ invaders, but we will fall none the less sion. forming mini strip shows, making out when degrading immoral events such I believe that we are sons and daugh­ with friends, and getting totally ham­ as the Girls Gone Wild show are not ters of God, and that we have been mered in front of people just for the only allowed but promoted within our created in his image. As such we are chance to be on camera. society. all children with a noble birthright Girls gone Wild isn't the catalyst for and incredible heritage. the ending of the world, but it is rep­

This section is meant to be used as an opportunity for your voices to be heard and for important issues to be discussed, The ideas and opinions expressed do not reflect the opinion of the paper and are representative of the authors viewpoint only. Should you have an idea for the opinion question or wish to contribute some thoughts of your own, please e-mail me at [email protected]. Please keep submissions to between 350 - 450 words. Submissions may be edited for length and any libelous, racist, homophobic, bigoted, sexist, or profane content.

Thank you, David M Green Editor-in-Chief The Meliorist Publishing Society The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I Page 10 Club Information

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Accommodations best offer. Call for more Illustrator 7.0 Manual - $5 )LmMm&lHum(QL m detailed specs. Quickbooks 2001 Guide - $5 The Meliorist classifieds are Call James at 320-2385 Adaptec SCSI Card PCI - $35 Expose your now free! Email: Drop by the Meliorist office ads to more than Get your ad in by Monday at or email Joe at [email protected] 3, ZSOO students every week! noon to be included [email protected] 2-year-old HP computer for if you're interested. Only $1\°° per week for students Two roommates for summer sale, $700 OBO: Call 328- (or $3.°° for non-students) house. $25o/month includes 69o6or Services Drop by The Meliorist office SU-166 (next to the radio station) utilities, cable, internet, long email: any weekday afternoon to place an ad. distance, washer/dryer, and [email protected] Waxing: Categories include: -Eyebrows - $6.50 close to bus stop. May to • Accommodations August Computer printers for sale - -Upper Lip - $4.50 • Employment Call Carlie at 331-3882 HP Desk Jet 612C print­ -Other Services Available • General Merchandise Email: [email protected] er...$20, Cannon BGC 250 Call Chantelle at 894-0201 • Textbooks Bubblejet color printer...$10. * Vehicles Newer Westside home. Full use of house, kitchen, and Call 380-6765 or email: Lost and Found laundry facilities. Access to [email protected] Internet and cable. Lost watch at Ezzies. I'm $350/month offering a reward as the OOPS Call Dawn at 320-8220 Your junk might be some­ watch has great meaning to one's treasure, sell it in The me. No questions asked. Find the perfect roommate Meliorist classifieds! Contact me or return it to - On the cover of last week's issue, we wrote with The Meliorist classifieds! Ezzies. "Tegan and Sarah", with the correct spelling Show off your house or apart­ Email Selestia at selestia.tom- The Meliorist still has some as 'Tegan and Sara". We apologize for any ment to 3,500 students each of left over computer stuff for [email protected] week. sale: confusion. Adobe Photoshop 6.0 Due to a large amount of the - Last issue, we mistakenly referred to Sam General Merchandise Upgrade Mac - $40 suck, The Meliorist classifieds Lieff (DJ Profile) as Sam Liett, and some­ Aldus Pagemaker 4.0 Books - will be free effective immedi­ ately. Email your ad to classi- how managed to incorrectly associate him Computer for sale, 2.0GHz $5 processor, 384MB of ram. Photoshop 4.0 Manual - $5 [email protected] or with DJ Papercut. We apologize to both Mr. drop it off to our office at SU- Monitor, speakers, keyboard, Photoshop 5.0 Manual - $5 Lieff and DJ Papercut for these infractions. 166 by Monday at Noon. and mouse included. $550 or Photoshop 5.5 Guide - $5

It seems as though the students who expected by the employer and it O'Donnell who works for the Chinook interviewers. They like it when you r attended really appreciated the reflects highly during the interview. Health Region spoke about cover let­ ask them questions about their role 3 " Speaker opportunity to ask questions and get Sunlife Financial is currently hiring ters. She mentioned to never write a and the company. Series Event by real-world answers. for its new office in Lethbridge; jobs cover letter in first person (don't use are advertised on workopoliscam- T) but in fact speak on the basis of For everyone who attended, it was a MSS: Negotiating Steve Craig, UofL Co-op Coordinator, pus.com. employers needs. Another important valuable opportunity to gain new encouraged students to join the Co-op aspect to consider when writing a knowledge about job search process Your Future program where they can experience a Another effective speaker, Lisa cover letter is the presentation of the after graduation. There were a num­ structured and supportive working Palmarin, a manager at an accounting letter. Catherine noted how many ber of draws and prizes such as a MGT environment. Management students firm called Duncan Sabine Collyer & resumes and cover letters are omitted tn hoody, King of Trade and East Side On Wednesday February 9 the are encouraged to join the co-op pro­ partners, spoke about effective because of poor grammar. Mario's gift certificates, and CGA CD Management Student's society hosted gram in their second year and then resumes. She stressed on the fact the cases. more than 80 students for it's third of pursue internships for their third and resumes should be tailored according Barb Tremel, coordinator of staffing five Academic Speaker Series Events. fourth year. By participating in the co­ to the job you are applying for and and development at the City of Be sure to catch the next CGA speaker The focus of this event, ' Negotiating op program, 80 per cent of students should NOT mention skills and abili­ Lethbridge gave some informative series event in March! For all access Your Future', was to provide students usually gain full time employment ties that you really don't have. In tips when preparing for an interview. cardholders, remember that if you the opportunity to gain valuable after graduation. other words, be honest as much as you She said that one must be familiar attend three out of five of the Speaker advice and tips from industry profes­ can because employers can identify with their resume and bring a copy to Series Events you will receive the MSS sionals when searching for jobs and Michael Dunne, an HR consultant at your skills during an interview and the interview. A useful tip she gave academic Achievement Certificate. what employers look at when hiring. Sunlife Financial talked about the they wouldn't be impressed if your was that many types of interview Human Resource professionals from recruitment process at both Sunlife skills don't match the skills men­ questions (behavioural etc.) are avail­ various fields provided their insight Until then, on behalf of MSS, we and in any industry. He stated, when tioned on the resume. She also stated able on the Internet and they should and experience on various job search would like to wish you good luck for looking for a job one should talk to that it's important to highlight your be practiced with before an interview. topics such as the recruitment the rest of the school year! their friends who work for the compa­ strengths and emphasize them as She also mentioned to maintain eye process, resumes, cover letters and ny and read recent press releases much as possible in the interview. contact at all times and to have a firm interviews. All the speakers provided Lalit Thawrani before the interview. Knowing current handshake. Another important tip excellent advice and displayed a lot of VP Student Affairs issues occurring in a company is often Other than resumes, Catherine versatility when addressing questions. was to prepare some questions for the MSS The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2003 I Page II

What would you write on your By Don Nguyen, Advertising Manager, Proud Can Asian Once again, if you have a sense of humour, continue to read. If not, please turn to the next I I I tombstone? page and read something else. The top 5 this week is... THE TOP 5 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY BUT ARE NOT, IN THE OFFICE: I I I "Hated her history class 5) I need to whip it out by five. with a burning

passion." 4) Just stick it in my box. -Sarah 2nd year English 3) It's not fair; I do all the work while he just sits there!!!

LU "Rest in peace." 2) When do you think you'll be getting off today? -Jesse Doesn't go here. and the NUMBER ONE thing that sounds dirty If he did though, hefd be but isn't, in the office is ... in pre-engineering, 1) If I have to lick one more, I'll gag! I "I froze my head, *THIS COLUMN IS INTENDED ONLY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES but the good stuff's AND DOES NOT PORTRAY ANY PERSONAL OPINIONS OF THE WRITER OR still here." ANY STAFF MEMBER AT THE MELIORIST PUBLISHING SOCIETY. -Mtka 2nd year English

THE YUORLDS Yi/siROesr [¥*EB SITES "A good place O to park your bike. -Gary 2nd year z Management "D'ohU" -Katie o 4th year Accounting

"Buried alive." Look ma no hands -Chris A few of the pictures have words on them, but mainly the words are just the original phrase I st year www.explodingdog.com that the picture is based on. There are, however, exceptions; one title is "God put me here," which Psychology was expanded to say "God put me here to exam­ By: Jaime tremblay ine small things and it is driving me crazy." The Meliorist Office Assistant illustration is that of a guy with a magnifying glass and a bunch of bugs. Another picture is titled "this can't be the end," and then the illustration is of a person holding a bXPL0DINGD0G.COM, CREATED BY SAM map and standing at the end of the Earth, Brown, is basically a gallery of illustrations. There are plenty of pictures to check out; some "I told you I People send Sam phrases and he turns them into will make you laugh and some you might just was sick" a story. The story Is told through the use crude­ not understand. But it is always interesting to ly drawn stick figures and backgrounds. Some see how other people think. Vou can also send in -Howard of the pictures are very artsy, while others are your own phrase to Sam Brown and see what very literal. kind of image he comes up with for you. I Oth year Billionaire Playboy Studies The Meliorist i Thursday, 3 Mnrch 2005 1 Page 12 Fciiliircs

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Just Like Cats & Dogs by Pave T. pwpps

THE BACK OF MY NECK IS GETTING HOT THAT NEVER IS A GOOD SIGN.

"If I had any letters from my former employer, I wouldn't be looking for a job!" Career Services The Meliorist I Thursday, 3 March 2003 I Page I < careers and opportunities 29binixhoqqo bne zmm

GIS Specialist (March 20) - Town of Olds - Parks Labourer (Mar 25) - Camps Lohikan & Cayuga, Lake Greeley Camp, Pennsylvania - - Pinebrook Golf Club, Calgary - Pro Shop Assistant (May 1) JOBS, JOBS, JOBS!!! Camp Jobs (ASAP) - Enterprise Rent a Car, Lethbridge, Calgary and Edmonton - - Green Acres Foundation, Lethbridge - Summer positions Summer Intern Trainee (Mar 31) Hope you enjoyed your Reading Week break! Great summer and (April 30) - Gov't of Saskatchewan - many positions for summer students! full-time opportunities have been pouring in so please take the - Canadian Pacific Railway, Various Locations - Customer (ASAP) time to check them out on CES Jobs Online on Service, Administrative and Research, Finance and Accounting, - Parkland County - Pesticide Applicators; Horticulturist; Weed workopolisCampus.com. And if you need help with your career Information Services, Operations, Human Resources (March 31) Inspectors (Mar 4) planning, come in to Career & Employment Services (CES) in - Parkland Agri Services, Didsbury and Madden - Sales Assistant - Mountaineer Lodge, Lake Louise - Housekeeping Supervisor, B610 and talk to Cheryl, Diane or Pat! (ASAP) Front Desk Agent, Houseman. Professional Room Attendant - James Richardson International (Pioneer Grain), Various loca­ (ASAP) Career Counsellors back again this semester! tions - Facility Assistants (March 11) - Bos Scapes Landscape Contractors, Coaldale - Irrigation If you're a first-year students and cannot decide on a major, or if - Alberta Conservation Association, Edmonton and Northeast Systems Installers and Landscape Construction (ASAP) you're graduating and have no idea what to do with your degree, Region - Fisheries Technician (March 15) - Kilmorey Lodge/Aspen Village Inn, Waterton - various posi­ come in to CES and book an appointment with a Career - Canadian Mental Health Association, Lethbridge - Crisis tions. (ASAP) Counsellor. We've got them in our offices on a part-time basis. Intervention Team Member (March 4) - Sundance Lodges Campground, Kananaskis - various positions Alberta Cancer Board, Communities south and west of Calgary - inside and outside. INTERESTED IN LIVING AND WORKING ABROAD?! Sunright Community Worker (March 18) - Exalta 21 Inc./Banff Guide Services - Japanese-speaking Tour DON'T MISS THIS!! - Father Lacombe Chapel Provincial Historic Site, St. Albert - Guide (ASAP) Come to one of TWO free seminars by Jean-Marc Hachey, Bilingual Seasonal Historical Interpreters and Lead-Bilingual - NWT Recreation and Parks Association, various locations in author of The BIG Guide to Living and Working Overseas. Seasonal Historical Interpreter (March 31) NWT - Pool and Waterfront Supervisors (ASAP) DATE: Wednesday, March 9, 2004 - Fort George and Buckingham House Provincial Historic Site, - AB Sustainable Resource Development - Junior Forest Ranger ROOM: SU 300B Elk Point - Seasonal Historical Interpreters and Lead-Bilingual Program: Cooks (Mar 31); Participants (Apr 5) TIMES: 12- 2 pm AND 2-4 pm Seasonal Historical Interpreter (March 31) - Historic Dunvegan Provincial Park, Fairview - Seasonal FULL-TIME: INFORMATION SESSIONS/BOOTHS!!! Historical Interpreters and Lead-Bilingual Seasonal Historical - SemBioSvs, Calgary - Laboratory Operations Assistant (March • Glacier Park Inc. - Tuesday, March 8 from 9 am - 4:30 pm in Interpreter (March 31) 18) the Atrium. They will also be interviewing those interested for - Victoria Settlement Provincial Historic Site, Smoky Lake - - Alberta Conservation Association, Peace River-Habitat the positions at the Prince of Wales Hotel in Waterton this sum­ Seasonal Historical Interpreters and Lead-Bilingual Seasonal Technician (Temp) (March 24) mer. Stop by and talk to them. Historical Interpreter (March 31) - Government of Alberta, Alberta Infrastructure and • Certified General Accountants - Tuesday, Mar. 8, 12:15 - 1:30 - B.C. Grain Producers Association, Dawson Creek/Fort St. John Transportation, Edmonton and Calgary, Property Operations pm. Learn more about the designation! Sign up in CES or email - Research Technician (March 14) and Maintenance Interns (March 11) us at [email protected]. - Town of Inuvik - Day Camp Counselor (March 18) - Murray Chevrolet Cadillac Lethbridge - Accounts Receivable • Loma Linda University (Canadian University College campus, - The Bethany Group, Camrose - Student Nurses (ASAP) Payable Clerk (March 4) Lacombe) - Monday, March 14. Representatives will be in the - Bow Waters Canoe Club, Calgary - Canoe Camp Instructor, - Grasslands Group, Swift Current, SK- Executive Recruiter atrium from 10 am to 12 pm and will also be conducting a pres­ Canoe Guides/Instructors, Lesson Program Coordinator (March (ASAP) entation in W646 at 2:30 pm on their Master of Science in 11) - .lames Richardson International (Pioneer Grain), various loca­ Marital & Family Therapy program. - Canadian Food Inspection Agency, various locations in tions - Facility Assistants (March 11) • Hawaii Pacific University - Thursday, Mar. 31 - 10-3 pm in the Southern Alberta - Primary Inspector (March 4) - B.C. Grain Producers Association, Dawson Creek - Research Atrium - Town of Taber - Bylaw Enforcement Officers, Roads and Walks Assistant (March 14) Watch for more!! Laborers, Parks and Recreation Laborers (March 18) - North Peace Forage Association, Fairview- Beef Coordinator - FCSS - Town of Fort Macleod - Youth Development Program (March 18) Convergence needs Computer Science, IT and Engineering stu­ Coordinator and Community Programs Coordinator (March 18) - Value Village, Lethbridge - Retail Sales positions (ASAP) dents to volunteer at its annual IT Conference and Technology - Tim Horton Children's Foundation Summer Camps, various - Kenna Group (on behalf of BASF AgSolutions), Mississauga - Exposition at the Calgary Telus Convention Centre on May 17,18 locations - Camp Staff (ASAP) Customer Resource Representative (ASAP) & 19. A great way to network with future employers! Login to - National Gallery of Canada, Ottawa - Student Employment - NPC Group, based out of Edmonton but internationally orient­ register at www.convergexpo.com. Program (ASAP) ed - Legal Officer I or Special Accounts Officer (ASAP) - Sunnyside Greenhouses Ltd., Calgary - various positions in the - Maple Leaf Potatoes, Lethbridge - Research and Below is a listing of the jobs currently posted. Complete descrip­ greenhouse. (May 21) Development/Sanitation Specialist (March 4) tions can be found on CES Jobs Online through - Air Canada, Calgary or Edmonton Airport - Airport Agents - Sturgeon County, Morinville - Development Officer (March 4) www.workopolisCampus.com (you must come in and get the (Mar 25) - Alberta Cancer Board, Calgary or Edmonton - Tobacco Project ACCESS CODE), or in the Job Binder in our office. Keep in mind - County of Paintearth No. 18, Castor - positions with and Policy Developer (March 4) the following are just the ones sent specifically to our office. Agricultural Service Board (March 18) - National Gallery of Canada, Ottawa - Internship Program There are many more on the website. - Mountain Restaurant, Lake Louise - Servers, Dishwasher, Line (Various deadlines) & Prep Cooks (ASAP) - Ecolab, Calgary/Lethbridge - Account Manager (March 17) ON-CAMPUS RECRUITING (OCR) - Glacier Park, Inc., Waterton Prince of Wales Hotel - various - Jarislowsky Fraser Limited, Calgary - Assistant Portfolio On-Campus Recruiting is the process by which employers recruit hotel positions (ASAP) Manager (March 9) students for full-time and summer positions for May! Employers - Leduc County - Jubilee Park Positions & Light Equipment - Landmark Feeds Inc., Alberta and Manitoba - Territory most often come to campus to conduct their interviews. You Operators (Mar 4) Manager Trainee (Mar 4) must register for OCR in CES! (B610) Come in and ask us. - United Safety Ltd, AB and BC - Safety Watch Person (Mar 31) - Segue Distributors Inc., Calgary or Edmonton - Xerox Account - Town of Vauxhall - Lifeguard positions; Public Works Executive (Mar 15) Summer OCR positions: (for positions in 2005!) Assistants (Mar 31) - Yukon Family Services Association, Watson Lake, Yukon - - Bayer CropScience - Customer Interaction Center Summer - Copper Point Golf Club, Windermere, BC - Cooks, Youth Counsellor (Mar 10) Rep (Mar 4 to employer) Dishwashers, Wait Staff (ASAP) - Swift Trade Inc., Calgary - Proprietary Trader (ASAP) - Town of Taber - Assistant Urban Planner (March 18) - District of Houston Parks & Recreation - Summer Program - CANADEM - Junior Professional Consultant Program 2005- Coordinator, Lifeguard/Instructors; Parks Labourers (Mar 9) 2006. (ASAP) PART TIME: - County of Newell No. 4, Brooks - Planning and Development - Rack Petroleum Ltd., Biggar, SK - Front Desk Sales Rep. (Mar - Value Village, Lethbridge - Retail Sales Positions (ASAP) Technician (Apr 14) 3) - Lethbridge Family Services, DaCapo - Respite Provider (March - Canbra Foods Ltd., Lethbridge - Sales Administration; - Grasslands Group, southern SK - Service Manager - Farm 4) Corporate Accounting (March 15) Equipment dealership, Sales Assistant, Business Operations - Mervin Orr CA, Lethbridge - Accounting Technician (part-time - MacKay's Cochrane Ice Cream - Ice Cream Manufacturing Manager, Area Sales Rep-Farm Equipment; Sales Assistant; CE or full-time) (ASAP) Assistant (ASAP) Sales Rep; Trailer Sales Rep in Saskatoon , Town Administrator - FlygreatChina Travel Service, Lethbridge - Sales Rep (Mar 10) - City of Leduc - Geomatics Services Technologist Summer (ASAP) - Capital City Savings, Edmonton - Part-rime Tellers (ASAP) Students (Mar 18) - EnviroConsult Inc., Calgary - Environmental Scientist-GIS - BrainMass Inc. - Online Teaching Assistant (Ongoing hiring - University First Class Painters, Calgary, Lethbridge, Medicine Mapper; Administrative/ Personal Assistant (Mar 31) until 2006!) Hat - Franchise Managers (Mar 15) - Stone's Jewelry Ltd., Banff- Sales Clerk (ASAP) - Best Buddies Volunteer Campus Coordinator (ASAP) - Firefox Marketing - Special Event Staff across Canada for - Gregory, Harriman & Associates, Strathmore - CA Articling - Talisman Centre, Calgary - Spring Camp Instructors (Mar 4) Campbell's Soup, New Media, Oreo SpringFling (GTA only), Student (May 1) - Saskatchewan Watershed Authority, Regina - Technical Apple Demo Days (ASAP!) - Business One Solutions, Lethbridge area - Consultant (ASAP) Assistant for May-Oct. (Apr 5) - Girl Guides of Canada, Calgary area - Summer Camp - City of Calgary - Development Product Analyst-Quality Coordinator, Camp Counsellors, Counsellor in Training (Mar 24) Assurance (Mar 4) SUMMER: (also see SUMMER OCR positions ABOVE!) - Alberta Community Development, Cypress Hills Interprovincial - Dynamic Risk Assessment Systems, Inc., Calgary - - Agriculture and Agri-Food Canada, Winnipeg - Junior Policy Park - Resource Management-Wildland Firefighter Crew (Mar Programmers (Mar 4) Economist (ASAP) 31) - Libraiy of Parliament, Ottawa - Internship Program- - Multiple Sclerosis Society of Canada, Lethbridge - Fund - YWCA Edmonton- YoWoChAs Outdoor Education Centre, Parliamentary Information and Research Service (Mar 31) Development Assistant (March 24) Fallis - Summer Camp positions (ASAP) - Palliser Health Authority, Medicine Hat - Regional Human - Vauxhall Co-op - Summer Agronomist (ASAP) Camps Winadu for Boys and Danbee for Girls, Massachusetts - Resources Consultant (Apr 17) - Blue Lake Forest Education Society, Canal Flats, BC - Resource Summer Camp Counselors (ASAP) - Camrose Police Service - Constable (Mar 7) Person, Education Resource Person, Recreation Resource Person - Camp Okonoki and Canyon Church Camp, Waterton & - Communications Security Establishment, Ottawa - Computer (March 25), Camp Director (March 18) Elkwater parks - Lifeguard; Camp Director; Camp Counsellor Science Specialists, Analysts, Mathematicians (ASAP) - Gov't of Alberta Forest Protection Division, Grande Prairie - (Apr. 1) SATURDAT NIGHT

$3.25 Hibatis Safe, Clean, Different Kntcrtnlnmcnt The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I Page 15 Entertainment Girlsr* i one Wild She may sit behind you in geography class ...

Girls get wild in front of a videographer at the Roadhouse Large, nude breasts were plentiful, especially these ones Roadhouse shooter girls join in the fun

bars and show the crowds what was weather while I craved the Corona I "there are a lot more attractive people and that their only opposition was a under their shirts. left at the door of the bar, but some­ up here." He may be onto something small group from the Penticton The Girls Gone Wild team came times you have to freeze your a$$ of in By Lance Semak there, but I think California's beach­ Women's Centre protesting the event. out on the stage shortly after 11:30 the name of quality journalism. front might have us beat on that one. Production Manager He said there has been little p.m. with bright lights attached to I was shocked to see McCoy at Maybe I've watched too many Girls resistance to the event in the U.S. as their video cameras and it took no first because I expected to see Doug Gone Wild commercials. well. time at all for the females in the crowd Stanhope, the sleazy drunk guy from I asked if the blonde on the bar One interesting thing that I to get up on stage. The aforemen­ the videos, funneling a beer through a was with the team. It seemed to make learned while speaking with Mr. HIS YEAR VALENTINE'S DAY tioned blonde became the ringleader blow-up-doll or something. But Mr. sense: she was overly enthusiastic, McCoy was that the Girl's Gone Wild for most of the night, helping girls had something unique to offer those McCoy was a young, clean-cut guy overly naked, overly large and more tour is more about venue booking who didn't have a date or those whose onto the stage and assisting them in who was very sober and very hos­ than willing to help other girls feel rather than making movies. priorities differ from those of the ptflling articles of clothing either up or pitable. comfortable about being naked in Businesses like the Roadhouse pay to masses. have this team come and film young Girls Gone Wild stopped by the "Every girl that was willing to give the crowd flashers. Very little of the footage, if Roadhouse for their eighth show of and the cameras a good show received a free any, is actually used in the Girls Gone their 20-stop Canada tour spanning Wild films, so all of you that were hop­ from Nanaimo to Ottawa. Lethbridge Girls Gone Wild T-shirt, proof of the heroic act." ing for a doorway to the silver-screen was a sell-out like the seven shows will likely be disappointed. before. down. The bus the team travels in has a front of a room full of drunken Mr. McCoy made it obvious by Most people have seen the ads on Every girl that was willing to give tiled floor, leather couches, eight strangers. "I've never seen her in my asking me if the Roadhouse was usu­ T.V. that show young girls lifting their the crowd and the cameras a good bunks, one double bed, a good sized life," was McCoy's response. ally packed with a line-up on a shirts in the name of youthful reck­ show received a free Girls Gone Wild bathroom with a nice shower and a He informed me that the only Monday night. lessness. Some average party-guy, T-shirt, proof of the heroic act. huge plasma screen that sinks into a female on the tour was his gorgeous Many who didn't show up at the otherwise known as Doug Stanhope, The team then left the stage for a counter. girlfriend who did not participate in event, and other media sources such stands with a mic and a beer and half hour or so to take a break from McCoy told me that this particu­ any of the videos. She was responsi­ as The Lethbridge Herald, have drunkenly smiles to the camera. To filming. These filming sessions went lar bus was leased, but Mantra does ble for operating the merchandise emphasized the male-to-female ratio, most men, he's got a lot to smile on all night, and as more alcohol was own a $700,000 bus in the U.S. and table that sold hats, shirts and thongs. but I think they have it all wrong. about. The videos are filled with served, the shows were more frequent leases a third. Next came the inevitable ques­ Most of the men there were not many hot girl-next-door-like ladies and more women jumped up on the I asked Bill why Girls gone Wild tions about exploitation and the reac­ circling like vultures searching for a getting naked for a guy who repre­ stage. came up to barren and cold Canada tions from women's groups and such. hot score, instead they were at the sents every average party-guy in the Closer to the beginning of the for a tour, and his responses made a Mr. McCoy said that Mantra stage hooting and hollering at girls. world. The Girls Gone Wild video night, I was lucky enough to get an lot of sense. Entertainment concentrates on a high Without a doubt there were more series has made over Sioo-million. interview with Bill McCoy, production The girls up here can get into the level of professionalism, and that they men than women there, but there was The Roadhouse was packed early, manager of Mantra Entertainment, bar three years before those in the represent the company 24/7, and not still the show that was promised. It but it wasn't hard to see that there the company behind Girls Gone Wild. U.S., which means younger girls for the party. was like amateur night at a strip club, weren't as many women circling the I had to stand half-cut outside of the cameras. He said that they have been wel­ except one of the amateurs might be in your geography class. bar as usual. But really, it only makes their massive bus in what felt like -30 Mr. McCoy also assured me that comed at every event in Canada so far, sense. A strip club doesn't attract many females even on amateur night, so why would this event? The crowd patiently waited for the show to begin, and it was hard to see how they were going to get anyone to get crazy. Rumours spread that the Girl's Cone Wild team brought their own women, so there was some hope. Al about 10:30 p.m. the crowd was beginning to get a little reckless as girls grabbed their breasts and pre­ tended to Hash, while the incredibly sexy Roadhouse shooter girls gave me a show by licking each other's breasts and French-kissing. of nudity happened bar at around 11 p.m. where a blonde woman with huge artificial breasts took off her top and danced on top of the bar. Tbe crowd,, became rattier thick in that urea of the bai- immediately, she had no problem grabbing heads and grinding them between her legs. This The Girls gone Wild bus was decked-out with comfy bunks, a double bed, leather couches and big-screen plasma that sinks into the counter sparked a few others to jump up "" The Meliorist I Thursday, 3 March 2005 I Page 16 I nlii tllinmi ill Vera Drake: An Emotional Tale of Women's Rights

hot cup of tea. mere characters. This is especially evident in However, Vera's strength and love of others the many women we see Vera treat through­ By Jared Mckenzie goes beyond her family and friends, as she is out the film; their difficult lives are etched Entertainment Editor also performing illegal abortions for young onto their faces, and their terror (at both the women. Vera would be told to visit the girl in procedure and the alternative) erupts clear­ need at a specific time, and would induce ly from their anguished behavior. IF YOU WATCHED THE OSCARS ON SUNDAY miscarriages without exchanging any per­ Likewise, the performances by the main night, you may have been wondering about sonal information, or more importantly, characters are as superb as the directing. one of the nominees for Best Actress: Imelda money. Staunton is stunning: she exemplifies a Staunton, nominated for her role as the title Since Vera has no way to check up on any woman who is doing what she thinks is character in Mike Leigh's film Vera Drake. of her clients, she is not aware that the for­ right, yet is simultaneously naive about the While she was ultimately passed over for the mula she uses for "making them bleed consequences of her actions. Stan (Philip Academy Award, Staunton's performance is again" is in fact causing grave danger to Davis) is fantastic as a tired, middle-aged enchanting and heart rendering; the high­ many of the women. When one client man who is devastated his wife has kept light of an already fantastic film. (whose mother knows Vera from a previous such a secret from him. Sid (Daniel Mays) is Vera Drake describes a blue-collar family encounter) nearly dies in hospital, Vera portrayed as a self-assured son who cannot living in 1950's London; Stan, the father finds her secret revealed: turning her life deal with his mother's actions. Finally, Alex who works as a mechanic; Sid, a son who's upside down and tearing her family apart. Kelly as Ethel gives the audience a painfully concerned with trends and looks; and Ethel, Vera Drake is one of the most emotionally shy, awkward daughter; her performance the meekest daughter to ever hit the screen. draining films I have seen this year. Director creating a sharp contrast to Vera, whose At the center of the film is Vera, the matri­ Mike Leigh creates a perfect rendering of outgoing and loving nature is evident from arch who works as a housekeeper: her devo­ 1950's era London, drawing the audience in the first scene. tion to others is known throughout her to the complex lives of the Drake family. The combination of superb performances neighborhood, as she travels throughout the Furthermore, the screen brims with life with superior directing makes Vera Drake a town visiting shut-ins, taking care of her beyond the scope of this film: every charac­ fantastic drama. While Staunton was over­ mother, and inviting folks over for a home- ter (be they major or minor) has an unspo­ looked for the Best Actress statuette, her cooked meal. She is a character who believes ken narrative, a fascinating back story that performance carries this film to one of Mike any problem can be smoothed over with a demands they be viewed as real people, not Leigh's best.

f CD REVIEW: Sex and Truth Francine Pelletier's documentary is a frank mjjp>;; By Brian Heinrich discussion of women's sexuality "Anastasia, who is a sex worker, is so articulate. I made a By Misha Warbanski point of her pointing out her background because she does The Link (Concordia University) come from a broken home and was sexually assaulted and there are all those things. But at the same time . . . it's MONTREAL (CUP) something 1 honestly think she wants to do. She feels, rightly or wrongly, that it empowers her," Pelletier says. "I don't know if this is true of every sex worker, (but) I tend M ONTREAL BROADCASTER AND FEMINIST FkANCTNE to believe her when she says she still likes sex at the end of Pelletier is tiying to turn sexual stereotypes about women the day ... I believe that if sex workers want to organize or on their heads with her new six-part documentary, Sex, want to tell us themselves how it is, it can only be a good Truth and Videotape. thing." Interestingly enough, the documentary was inspired by In general, Pelletier sees women's sexual liberation as images of war. "It took the war in Afghanistan for us, on something very positive. For women who were involved in this side of the planet, to be immersed in, at least, the feminism in the '70s and '80s, sex was sort of the gift you imagery of Muslim women," Pelletier explains. "The image were handed, in the same way women of preceding gener­ of them veiled from head to foot is such a powerful and a ations were handed education or the right to vote, she says. disturbing one." There has been a certain feminist discourse — our bodies, She added that the contrast between those Afghani ourselves — that said we can define who we are and if we women and North American women is especially stark. so want, to be defined as sexually powerful and allowed our "On one hand, you've got women who are totally covered own sexuality. up, and on the other, you've got women who are totally Pelletier says, overall, sex has gotten better. The feminist uncovered, and it seemed to me that there was a disso­ movement allowed women to take ownership and under­ nance there." standing of their bodies, she argues. Better education, Pelletier sought out a wide variety of Canadian women more respect and the freedom the birth control pill afford­ from a diversity of backgrounds and experiences. "I just ed women, she says, have all contributed to women's by saxophonist/flautist Jean Derome, decided (to) interview women — I mean, really interview increased enjoyment of sex. is true to the style and spirit of the them. Let's just have them talk, which is not exactly a But not everything is perfect in this sexually liberated age. 1T MIGHT SEEM TO BE AN OXY- other pieces here. recipe these days for sexy TV." "I think that one woman (I interviewed) said it best of all. moron to speak of "great composers" The other players on the session are Perhaps not sexy television, but real television. From The sex generally has gotten better, and it is something in the context of an art form that is Ivanhoe Jolicceur on trumpet and actors to homemakers to sex workers, the documentary that is generally a positive force in most women's lives. But largely improvisatory in nature, but flugelhorn, Mathieu Belanger on clar­ creates a very frank discussion about many aspects of sex. at the same time, there is a terrible bullying aspect to sex­ there have been a few great jazz com­ inets, and Claude Lavergne on drums. Pelletier admits she could have explored the differences uality these days. Every woman, no matter who she is ... is posers, most notably Duke Ellington It's actually the inclusion of Belanger between cultures more. But while she didn't explicitly ask under some kind of order to be a sexual conqueror; you and Charles Mingus. that is crucial to the success of the questions about cultural or religious identity, she was able will, as this woman says, you will be a hotrie." Mingus' writing; deeply influenced album; while his alto clarinet roots to find some commonality. Pelletier found that while some younger women found by both blues and gospel as well as the the band both in the New Orleans and "I think what happens very quickly, from what I can see, their looks intimidated men, or felt societal pressures to be history of jazz, from its New Orleans swing traditions, his bass clarinet women from different ethnic backgrounds, the minute that a certain way, others felt the pressure to be perfect roots through to the avant garde; is brings to mind Eric Dolphy, who was they're second generation, kind of tow the western line," increased with age. And while women are expected to be unmistakable. As a bassist, his strong a member of Mingus' band in the Pelletier says. "I remember one of our interviewees grew sexual conquerors, the men Pelletier interviewed felt over­ sense of rhythmic pulse and habit of early '60s. up Muslim, but she doesn't necessary feel Muslim now. ly sexual women to be a turnoff. playing before the beat give his work a The only mis-step here is "Fable of She's not religious. She's a stand-up comic. She's also still "Despite all the gains we've made — and we've come a contradictory sense being simultane­ (George Dubya) Faubus," in which the a virgin, and she's hitting 20 soon, which in this day and long way - women still have such trouble accepting them­ ously both rooted and free. political imprecations of Guilbeault age is kind of old. selves, liking themselves and not beating up on themselves, All of which makes Montreal bassist and Lavergne detract from what is "So I think in a very indirect way, I think the reason she's feeling sure of themselves," Pelletier says. Normand Guilbeault's Mingus one of Mingus' most charming com­ still a virgin is she doesn't like the idea of just doing it, get­ While blatant oppression is no longer prevalent and Erectus (Ambiances Magnetiques) a positions, despite its subject matter ting it over with. She has a career and is into other stuff. I women are, by and large, given equal opportunities to men, much more challenging project than it (Orval Faubus was the Arkansas gov­ think she's waiting for the right guy, which a lot of women the work that needs to be done is the most difficult of all might appear at first blush. ernor who opposed integration at are. I think maybe her cultural background has something because, Pelletier says, the problems are invisible. The quintet surveys seven Mingus Little Rock). to do with it, but that would be the last thing she would It's easier to tackle a brick wall because you can look at the compositions, from the well-known Surprisingly, these are live record­ acknowledge." brick wall and say, 'We have to tear it down.' But when ("Pithecanthropus Krectus," "Tijuana ings, though only the polite applause A believer that prostitution should be legalized, Pelletier there's nothing to really point at except attitudes some­ Gift Shop") to lesser-known pieces at the end of each track indicates that says that while she does not doubt sex workers are often in times, or things that go unsaid, subtle nuances, it's harder such as the absurdly titled "All the this is the case; the quality of the difficult situations, it is not an excuse to write them off as to tackle. But I think women should just look inside and Things You Could be by Now if recording is excellent. poor, deluded women. While sex workers are often left out see if they feel perfectly happy with themselves. Sigmund Freud's Wife was Your Only "Faubus" prevents this from get­ of the discussion altogether, Pelletier made sure to include Sex, Truth and Videotape airs Mondays at 10 p.m. on CBC Mother." The one original, "MDMD," ting a rating better than 7.5 out of 10. their voice in her documentary. Newsworld. Entertainment The Meliorist Thursday. J March 2005 Page 17 Red carpet btfWinton/// runway After his monologue. Rock left the audience in strangled giggles as he introduced name after name of the Komplete Kraziness! top actors and actresses in course, followed by the Klowns who Hollywood. By Chris hibbard begin a night of bloody terror and The odds on favorite was The Copy Editor mayhem. Aviator, leading with n nods from the Academy. Despite this ridiculous premise, or perhaps because of it, this is a hilari­ Million Dollar Baby and Ray had This is the first edition of a new week­ ous film, with a savage sense of a respectable number of nominations ly Meliorist feature - It Came From humor, a sh*tload of imagination, and as well, including best director, best the Bargain Bin. Each week, a a generous helping of cheese. lead and supporting actors as well as Meliorist writer will entertain you By Lindsey Schlachter Starring no one famous, unless you best picture. readers with a review of a movie that Entertainment Contributor count the late John Vernon of Animal The night's biggest surprise was you have probably never seen. The House fame, who most of you readers just how many awards the Aviator only two criteria we use in selecting won't remember anyway, the make up took home by the nights end, 5 these movies are: a) It must be able to and the special effects are truly the HE RED CARPET WAS A awards, including best supporting be rented right here in Lethbridge. b) Of course, it is soon found out that the stars of this show. glow of lights, cameras, and stars actress for Cate Blanchett, whose role It must have never even remotely had Klowns have a single vulnerability. Soon, the Cove Crescent police are with beauty and glamour unmatched. as Katherine Hepburn had been a a chance at winning an Oscar. Enjoy They will explode if you hit them or swamped with calls about giant Hollywood Blvd. was the setting for favourite for the Oscar. But once these reviews and rent the movies just shoot them in their Giant Red Noses. Klowns killing local citizens, big hair, Hollywood's royalty coming together again, The Aviator director Martin for the heck of it. If anything, they'll What is utterly baffling about this big shoes, polka dot suits and all. for the industry's most important Scorsese was passed over. give you an amusing conversation movie is the fact that it ever got made These are Klowns with sharp fangs night, Oscar night, hosted by Chris Million Dollar Baby was the piece. at all. and large ears. There is a small Rock. biggest winner receiving four of the A person's face melts off after he is hit dwarfish Klown, an obese Klown, a Sunday night's Academy Awards academy's top awards including Best Killer Klowns from Outer Space, with an acid pie in the face. Balloon hulking angry Klown and a terribly opened with a monologue by Rock, Picture, Best Actress for Hilary Swank directed by the Chioto Brothers (oth­ animals act as the Klowns' blood­ ugly Klown. who seemed to have traded his "say (now a two time award winner), best erwise famous for their creature hounds. The Klowns zip around in a After zapping people with idiotic laser anything" attitude at the door for a supporting actor for Morgan Freeman effects in the movie Critters,) is a tiny Klown Kar, and the vampiric guns, the Klowns store them in cotton more subdued attitude. However, and best director for Client Eastwood. wickedly cheesy frightfest film that Klowns' only intention seems to be to candy cocoons and then suck their Rock wouldn't be Rock if he couldn't The least surprising award win­ should be seen by absolutely every­ consume the entire human race. If blood through giant curly straws at least add a few jabs to those in the ner was Jamie Foxx, with his portray­ one. that's not enough, Debbie even when they get hungry. public eye, dropping names such as al of the legendary singer/songwriter The premise is simple and self- appears in a shower scene, a requisite The dwarf Klown single handedly ter­ President George Bush, John Kerry, Ray Charles earning him Best Actor. explanatory. A teenage couple, Mike shot for those younger viewers. rorizes an entire motorcycle gang Jude Law and Denzel Washington. The awards given to Freeman and and Debbie, are necking at the local More you say? There can't be! But before effortlessly beheading the Rock couldn't help but jab at the Foxx added history to the Academy hot spot when they are interrupted by there is!! - A car careens into a brick gang's leader with a Giant Boxing President for the war with Iraq, stat­ Awards, making it the second time a shooting star flashing across the wall, and the sound of the crash is Glove. ing "It's like the Gap versus the that two of the top four acting honors night sky that lands in a nearby field. heard seconds before the car hits. Another Klown entertains a group of Banana Republic after hearing they have gone to black actors. A farmer and his dog are the first to K.K.O.S. is chock-full of great lines people waiting at a bus stop with like: "I don't believe in UFO's, but if have atomic tank tops. After the thou­ After the broadcast ended, it was die upon encountering the crash site, ridiculously complicated shadow pup­ they do exist then we're trapped in sand of Gap employees are blooded off to party the night away at several which now houses a Gigantic Circus pets on a wall. One of the shadows (a one right now!" and "They took your and dying in the jeans, they discover parties hosted by hotels or individuals Tent. When the young couple investi­ T-rex no less) eats the unsuspecting wife away in a balloon? Well you don't that the Republic had no such tank where the creme de la creme celebrat­ gates the shooting star they stumble victims, who are then shrunk and need the police pal, you need a psy­ tops for sale in the first place." ed late into the night. across the circus tent as well and stuffed conveniently into the Klown's chiatrist!" And if that's still not quickly discover that it is the Klown bag. Spaceship of an enough, John Vernon gets killed by a This Klown bag also contains popcorn alien race who Klown who turns him into a human eggs that hatch, turning into baby look like ventriloquist dummy. Klown heads on springs that eat you clowns. Oh, par­ So really folks - forget plot, script and alive. don me, I mean acting, and just grab some beers and Meanwhile, in Crescent Cove, the two Klowns. bask in the glory that is Killer Klowns young heroes are being chased all Escaping the from Outer Space. It is truly better l5U\*MA Ave. S.t Lethbridge, AB, Tl J rvT1, over town, as are there best friends. clutches of the when you're smashed. Or if you've * Phone: 32(W055 °° two ice cream truck drivers who are Klowns, Mike seen it already, see it again for the chasing tail. ^Mail: tjeachst@telusplanetiiee and Debbie very first time!! Available at These ice cream salesmen provide head into town Blockbuster Video on the Westside. excellent comic relief, being chased by to report this to The DVD even features an audio com­ Klowns all night and falling for the the local police. mentary, bloopers, and deleted We carry the following products: charms of two female Klowns with They are, of scenes. This is fromage filmmaking at (and other strangeness) enormous inflatable breasts. it's finest. Roleplaying Games: Dungeons and Dragons, Star Wars, Vampire, and more CKXU DJ profile: Board Games; Settlers of Catan, Axis ft Allies and other strategy games Nathan Schmidt What first brought you to CKXU, the spoken word show where I play various spoken Card Games: Magic die Gathering, Chez Greek and others University of Lethbridge's campus radio word discs that come into the station. I have station? also done the charts show as well as covered Miniature Games: Hero-CHx, Pirates of the Spanish Main, shows of various genres. I've always been interested in music to the point Star Wars collectible miniatures and otters that it was basically my primary interest. So With all those shows do you ever feel when I came to university I saw the radio sta­ overwhelmed? Comics: New monthly comics for files, tion and said "why not?" And I applied for a radio show. Sometimes I do, but I generally listen to music trade paperbacks ft back issues a lot and I'm involved in music for my degree, so Why did CKXU appeal to you? I usually know what I'm going to play each Supplies for comics (bass, boards, boxes), week. Also, the experience of broadcasting live cards (binder sheets, cards sleeves ft boxes) When 1 first saw the station, the first thing 1 is enough of a rush to keep on going. noticed was music the music posters covering the walls, so I thought that was pretty cool. Also, What do you enjoy most about being tin Dice: hundreds of sets for D&D, 1 thought there was something absurd about the the air? some sets for World of Darkness idea of me being able to legitimately broadcast a radio show, live to an entire region. Definitely getting calls on the request line. It shows that people are listening, and it provides Game related novels such as Forgotten Realms, Dragonlance, What type of shows do you do? some contact for those lonely hours in the Mechwarrior, Vampire, Exalted and more booth. I began at CKXU with show called "The Study ..., to TtamKkV' Saturday 11:30 Sessions" which broadcasts Sundays at 4:30. ()n What do you Study here at the University that show 1, along with my co-host Dhiren, play of I.ethbridge, and what are you hoping Pfy) an eclectic mix of modern music, with some to do? favourites being M83 and British Sea Power. Molt' recently, I've started another show with l am currently enrolled in Music for piano per­ co-host Crystal called "Tin-Pan Alley" where we formance. In the future, 1 would like to be play classical and jazz music which is at 1:30 on involved in music as a career, hopefulh per Sundays. Finally, at 3:00 on Sundays, 1 host a forming or involved with music in some waj The Meliorist I Thursday, 3 March 2005 I Page 18 Kntertnlnmcnt Going, going, gonzo

liantly eccentric author and coun­ movement called New Journalism. Journalists such as Thompson and he won he would decriminalize Compiled by Chris Hibbard terculture icon ever wrote or said. He was a hardboiled writer of the Tom Wolfe defined the era by infus­ drugs replace the streets with bike Copy Editor Thompson, who took his own life Hemingway school, snappy and ing themselves and their world- paths and rename Aspen, Colorado this month at the age of 67, was rec­ direct and fond of guns. He became views into their stories. Thompson "Fat City", amongst other things. ognizable for his incorrigible famous for often reporting and will probably be best remembered Sadly, he lost to the incumbent Republican sheriff. IN HONOUR OF THE LATE, GREAT behaviour, mumbling incoherence, writing while under influence of for the road trip book Fear And Hunter S. Thompson, we present to and fashion sense - fishing hats drugs and alcohol, leading both his Loathing In Las Vegas. In 1970, So without any further ado, you a small collection of some juicy with aviator glasses. Thompson's admirers and critics to define his Thompson ran for Sheriff of Pitkin Hunter S. Thompson ladies and quotes and excerpts that this bril­ rise began in the '60s during a work as "gonzo journalism." County, Colorado. He vowed that if gentlemen.

around us and the sky wasfidl of what looked saw, and if he didn't entirely conquer - he came only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals Tile music business is a cruel and shallow like huge bats, all sivooping and screeching as close as anybody we are likely to see in the and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood money trench, a long plastic hallway where and diving around the car, which was going lifetime of this doomed generation. to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume thieves and pimps run free, and good men die about a hundred miles an hour with the top and at least a pint of ether. like dogs. There's also a negative side. down to Las Vegas. And a voice was scream­ Tlie Edge... there is no honest way to explain it ing: "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn ani­ because the only people who really know I have always loved marijuana. It has been a If I'd written all the truth I knew for the past mals?" where it is are the ones who have gone over. source of joy and comfort to me for many ten years, about 600 people - including me - Then it was quiet again. My attorney had years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of would be rotting in prison cells from Rio to taken his shirt off and was pouring beer on his When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits - Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare and chest, to facilitate the tanning process. "What and millions of Americans agree with me. dangerous commodity in the context of profes­ the hell are you yelling about?" he muttered, It was the Law of the Sea, they said. sional journalism. staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, He has poisoned our water forever. Nixon will be remembered as a classic case of a smart Going to trial with a lawyer who considers man shitting in his own nest. But he also shit in your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not our nests, and that was the crime that history a happy prospect. will burn on his memory like a brand. By dis­ gracing and degrading the Presidency of the America... just a nation ofhvo hundred million United States, by fleeing the White House like a used car salesmen with all the money we need diseased cur, Richard Nixon broke the heart of to buy guns and no qualms about killing any­ the American Dream. body else in the world ivho tries to make us uncomfortable. You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when it's I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your insanity to anyone, but they've always worked eye. for me. History is hard to know, because of all the I woiddn't recommend sex. drugs or insanity hired bullshit, but even without being sure of for everyone, but they've always worked for 'history' it seems entirely reasonable to think- me. that every now and then the energy of a whole generation comes to a head in a long fine flash, I have a theory that the truth is never told dur­ for reasons that nobody really understands at ing the nine-to-five hours. the time — and which never explain, in retro­ spect, what actually happened. No man is so foolish but he may sometimes give another good counsel, and no man so wise that My concept of death for a long time was to he may not easily err if he takes no other coun­ come down that mountain road at a hundred sel than his own. He that is taught only by him­ and twenty and just keep going straight right self has a fool for a master. there, burst out through the barrier and hang out above all that... and there I'd be sitting in Publishers are notoriously slothful about num­ the front seat, stark naked, with a cast of bers, unless they're attached to dollar signs - whiskey next to me, and a case of dynamite in unlike journalists, quarterbacks, and felony covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses. we all enter the food chain, and not always the trunk . . . honking the horn, and the lights criminal defendants who tend to be keenly "Never mind," I said. "It's your turn to drive." I right at the top. on, and just sit there in space for an instant, a aware of numbers at all times. hit the brakes and aimed the Great Red Shark human bomb, and fall down into that mess of toward the shoulder of the highway. No point The reason most people play golf is to wear steel mills. It'd be a tremendous goddamn We were somewhere around Barstow on the mentioning those bats, I thought. The poor bas­ clothes they would not be caught dead in other­ explosion. No pain. No one would get hurt. I'm edge of the desert when the drugs began to take tard will see them soon enough. wise. pretty sure, unless they've changed the high­ hold. I remember saying something like "I feel way, that launching place is still there. As soon a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." That was always the difference between Every now and then when your life gets com­ as I get home, I ought to take a drive just to And suddenly there was a terrible roar all Muhammad Ali and the rest of us. He came, he plicated and the weasels start closing in, the check it out.

Lugs to ^.^os to °AWu yieew-i

h„„havea marnman, y *!„thing„s ,t«o ,,do„ . .Listenlsten), ppuUt dowdownn thosthosee off at 8:00. MarriageMarriage ofof Figaro,Eigaro, TheThe Beggar'sBeggar's Opera, and books and choose one of thhe following things to The Medium. All performances are fully staged do: 3) Enough Rock, I want Improv! TuesdayTuesday,, and sung in English. The performanceperform s are at March 8 has the U of L Improv Club presents AA 8:00 p.m. in the David Spinks ThTheatrei , with a 1) Post-Hardcore Show: Described by Chris Night of Improv in the David Spinks Theatre 2:00 p.m. matinee on March 5. Tickets are $9 Nelson of Much Music as "the best of Sparta (W425). The show starts at 7 and runs until 9, for students, and $15 regular, and are available meets the best of Mars Volta", Ghosts of Modern offering 2 hours of what is sure to be ridiculous at the U of L box office. Man are making a stop in Lethbridge on March (and possibly trashy) humour. Admission is a 3 (Thursday night) at tbe Tongue'n'Groove. This tiny $3 for non-members of the Improv Club, 6) Roadhouse Hockey: Get signed up now for Winnipeg-based four-piece is supporting their and $2 for members. The deals don't get much the Roadhouse's 3 on 3 hockey tournament. The new record, City of No Light, which has influ­ sweeter than this. games run on March 11 and 12, so get a team ences ranging from Fugazi to PJ Harvey and together and call 380-4210. The entry fee for a Ghosts of Modern Man play tonight at (Jang of Four. As well, Ghosts of Modern Man 4) International Women's Day: Head to theSU team is $100, and winners will receive cash Tongue'n'Groove will he supported by locals Atrophy Manuscript Ballroom A on March 8 at 12:15 for a great event prizes, You may think $100 is a little steep, but if and semi-locals Racing Home. For ticket infor­ in recognition of International Woman's Day. this hockey tournament is at all like the 1 mation, contact the Tongue'n'Groove at 320- The event features a generous handful of L of 1. Roadhouse golf tournament, it will be the best ELCOME HACK EVERYONE. 1 trust you all W 7074. students, as well as the Campus Women's $100 you have ever spent. bad a fantastic reading week, ami now you are ( nitre. The mistress of ceremonies for the event ready to buckle down for the next month or 2) Local Punks at the Can-. Surprise surprise, is Kelly Andres, chocolate and refreshments will i/ii) Call your friends in Edmonton and gloat: sc.bleah, Whenevei 1 come back from a holiday Anyway, Friday night (March 4) has locals be available, and we're all encouraged to bring a As of this writing, it is freaking gorgeous outside. l am pretty much useless, so I'm considering this Submission anil Raining Confusion headlining brown bag lunch to Ihe event. People are in shorts, tank tops, and week a write off. Luckily, it appeals that there 111 all ages show. Guests include Lady skirts...thank god winter is over (for now). So, are tons of events going on this week, so thai ( hambeiiain, Black Star, and Blueprint. Tickets 5) Formore 'Refined'Tastes: The Department ol get out and enjoy the warmth and sunshine, cos means those of US who are interested in live are $8, with proceeds going to Asian Tsunami Music is presenting.l// Opera Sampler, showing your friends in Edmonton are thinking their 8 music, art, and theatre on the local scale will Relief. The doors are at 7:30, and the show kicks four complete acts from famous operas like The degrees is balmy. The Melloriat I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I PQ^JQ Features Uncle Pooch's HOROSCOPE?

secret recipe Brought to you by the apprentice wizard Lucky Pierre Aries (March 21 - April 19) Mushroom Noodle Latkes Many moons ago, a drunk man said to me, "a smart fellow knows when to 4 tablespoons butter or peanut oil vomit," and this statement may pertain to you this week. It's hard to say, but 1/2 lb thinly sliced fresh mushroom caps, preferably crimini you might come down with a terrible flu, eat too much cherry cheesecake ice­ 8 scallions, including 3 inches of green top.sliced into long ovals cream or loose a vicious battle with John Wiser this week. Also, it's time for 4 large eggs you to buy some new cothes, just don't puke on them. l teaspoon salt Your lucky narcotic this week is Percocet. 1/4 teaspoon white pepper 2 tablespoons snipped or chopped fresh parsley Taurus 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (April 20 - May 20) 1/2 lb fine egg noodles You need to clean the toilet, but you're going to decide that Fear Factor is (cooked according to the directions on the package and drained) more important yet again. You will have a strange dream about a family pet viciously attacking you and you'll never look at the animal the same. 6 servings / 45 minutes prep Your lucky narcotic this week is Valium. 1. On high heat, heat 2 tablespoons of butter or oil. Gemini (May 21 - June 21) 2. Add mushrooms and scallions, and cook until the You're going to learn a lot about someone close to you this week, and it's mushrooms release all of their juices and are browned. about time. I can't tell you if it will lead to something good or bad, but I can tell you that it's going to be very bizarre. Just when you thought you knew it 3. Beat the eggs with the salt, pepper, parsley and garlic powder, and combine with the noodles and cooked mush­ all... You'll have bad gas for two hours tomorrow. rooms. Your lucky narcotic this week is heroin. 4. Heat the remaining two tablespoons of oil in non-stick pan until it is very hot and drop the noodle mixture in 1/4-cup amounts in the pan, flattening each pancake down. Cancer (June 22 - July 22) 5. Cook 4 to 5 minutes on each side until brown and crispy. Your hot cousin is thinking about coming to town this week, and your sick, twisted, perverted mind will send your eyeballs to areas on their body where 6. Blot with paper towels they simply shouldn't go. C'mon, it's your cousin! Even though Maxim says that you only increase your chances of having deformed children by .02 per­ http://www.recipezaar.com/112i11 cent by banging your cousin, it still doesn't make it right. Your lucky narcotic this week is acid on a crouton. Leo (July 23 - August 22) The stars have aligned very strangely for you Leo, so be prepared for a weird week. Your schedule will be flipped all over the place, and be ready for unex­ pected barriers. The good news is that you're going to have some sort of spiritual breakthrough. Even though Jesus hasn't offically spoken to anyone in quite some time, you might be the lucky person he gives a few secrets to. Your lucky narcotic is baby-blue ecstasy. Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Boy You need something to do this week because work and school is really getting By Chris Hibbard to you. Reading week was okay, but you're going to need something to spice up your week. The stars align for you Virgo and point to the Top Hat. If Grow up seed boy, go towards the sun you're female, you might be surprised at how interesting and ftm a strip club You want to be a plant right? Strive to be the one can be. If you're male and haven't been there, WTF? There are dangers that come with age Your lucky narcotic is cocaine. So enjoy being young Your leaves will wilt; the trimmer will come Libra You can choose to be wise (September 23 - October 23) or live to have fun Get outside with those who you love this week. If you stay in, you're just going to fight about the little things that make you want to punch each other Crack your shell egg boy, come outside and play in the face. Don't go out to eat this week though because the food will suck. You want to be a hawk right, and hunt for mice one day? Get a good recipe for something new and exotic and hit the grocery store. In, So take the world in your talons. Live a bird of prey out, in, out, the stars are really f*cking with my head this week. Your feathers will molt; your screech will say Your lucky narcotic this week is a big bag of shrooms. You live black and white while I live shades of gray Scorpio (October 24 - November 21) Keep on swimming sperm boy, first one out of the gate You want to be a man right? Wouldn't that be great? This week is going to be a cereal week for you, so the stars say. Go down to The womb is the most perfect place to be your local super market and buy a few new kinds. If you're an October baby, all the warmth and no hate I feel a vibe that you should go for bran flakes (you're about as regular as the You'll lose your tail; your belly will inflate weather around here) and if you were born in November, you should defi­ one day you'll be a daddy son nitely go for Count Chocula, if you can find the coveted chocolate master­ once you start to date piece that is. (Notice that the your stars told me of HST's death last week) Your lucky narcotic this week is mescaline. Slow it down speed boy, there's no need to run Life can last forever, you're not even twenty-one Sagittarius There are many dangers that come with age (November 22 - December 21) So enjoy being dumb You complain too much, and everyone is starting to notice. It will be tough Your memory will fade; you won't remember being young not being a baby about everything, but just think: no one will ever have to So you can choose be wise pretend to like you again - they actually will! Pay close attention to hygiene or live to have bin this week, and only shower every two days. Pheromones will give you an advantage with the opposite sex. Your lucky narcotic this week is a tube of glue. Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) Thinking yet? Get your @ss out of bed when the freakin' alarm clock goes off. The rest of By Bailey Thalhelmer the world is sick of the four-hundred bleeps (with nine minute breaks every so often) that it takes for you to crawl out of your stench-pit. Make sure you To look deeply into some art use protection this week. I don't know about other weeks, but the stars read To focuses on one part of babies or the "other stuff that is just too creepy and gross to talk about. To analyze and self actualize Your lucky narcotic this week is a bag of cheap speed. To scrutinize Is to Immobilize Aquarius To cut short (January 20 - February 18) To miss the sun Your golf score on the winter greens is going to kill your competition, and To miss the moon you should try the disc-golf course in Nicholas Sheran park. Get some good To miss life exercise this week to slim down that belly that you've noticed sneaking up on Is to die you. Get out of town this week and see friends. You deserve the break, just don't sleep with any of them as you're too far away for a repeat offense. To die Your lucky narcotic this week is peyote. To waste To rot Pisces To miscommunicate ones art (February 19 - March 20) You're going to do something very strange with a fruit or vegetable this week, and quite frankly, I shut down my communication with the stars once I heard about it. Hopefully you're just going to make a yucaflux. Your lucky narcotic this week is a sack of weed. The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I Page 20

Dog and a half naked Miss Piggy were wouldn't hurt to pull your pants up. getting pulled over for driving drunk I'm willing to concede very few in Colorado and bailing themselves points on this. To me it seems every Yes I am a out with my record and tape money, I time art and commerce meet we arc bought the album on CD. In the end all supposed to pretend we don't live these crooks ended up with way more in a free market economy anymore. Pirate of my tooth fairy, snow shoveling and Sorry I spoke to soon. We live in lawn mowing earnings then I would Canada and have a semi-socialized say anyone was entitled to. market economy. That's like an affir­ iDOWNLOA D MUSIC. THERE I SAID mative-action drug dealer. it. 1 don't care who knows it either. Then, some seven years ago now, I The kicker is that here in Canada we I'm tired of this socialist crap about remember spending all my time in have a little thing we call Cancon killing the music industry. I didn't every record store I happened by (Canadian content law). This is the hear any of you crying when the horse looking for a Joe South CD. I finally reason that Rita McNeil is allowed to and buggy industry perished or the had to have it ordered in from the pantaloon stores went into receiver­ USA. I got this disc only to find that grow to the size of a small province; ship. No. nobody said sh*t. Now all of on it were three songs that I loved and Kim Stockwood was allowed to write a sudden we're considered to part of the twenty-two songs that were absolute song about every grizzly bar rat she axis of evil if we download music. I crap. Later, I bought a Rolling Stones drags home; and Amanda Marshall want to know who makes the rules Greatest hits and almost all the songs ever appeared anywhere other than a around here - us or them. I liked were on one disc and for the second rate porn magazine. I spell Apparently it's them. We gained con­ other two songs I wanted I had to buy freedom from this Canadian conspira­ trol for awhile, whipped the music a whole other disc. This is how we cy against good taste with a capital "I" industry around by its ears and then lived. Do you remember? for Internet. promptly set it down and apologized. I appreciate that there are royalties I love my ability to hear a Bill That why we're us and they're them. attached to these songs but give me a Burn baby, burn Withers song, for example, that I've They have bling, bitches, SUVs with break. One of the greatest songs ever never heard before in a movie or TV little TV's and we've got nothing. All wiitten (as far as I'm concerned) is Hacienda Motel in Los Angeles, deader then disco. So I really don't show and later go to my computer and I've got is a '94 Bonneville with bad The Weight by The Band that is cur­ California - the very desk clerk that think they care what I do with their have it. Instead of having to go buy brakes and a rather lengthy and col­ rently being used by Singular Wireless shot Sam Cooke back in December tunes. the soundtrack and then find out that ored history with wildlife, the fuzz and on TV to try to get me to buy a cell '64. The other thing is that the corpora­ the song I want is on the second both ditches. I don't even have an phone. Even Bob Zimmerman (Dylan) The note says: If there is ever a way tions who aren't dead and still have soundtrack disc. Such was the case IPod. is tangled up in boobs in Victoria for my fans to access my music via a rights to these tunes are bastards and during the "Angus versus Boogie The only real constant in the evolu­ Secret commercials. What a sad state "world wide network" of "computers" I hate them. They killed Alan Freed, Nights" fiasco of 1999. I am willing to tion of musical media is that the con­ of commerce we're in when this hap­ someday then they have my permis­ made Michael Jackson into Whacko fight for this right. I'll personally kick sumer (us) has traditionally taken it pens. These were the prophets when sion to do so because this bitch just Jacko and they're the reason we have the crap out of Lars Ulrich and then firmly in our out hole - over and over. Kent State went down, but it's now the shot the hell out of me and I ain't bands like Simple Plan on the radio. download "Whiskey in the Jar" every I remember way back I started with Big Chill meets Viagra. On top of that, gonna make it. - Signed Sam"The If you are a teenage dude and just Thursday out of spite alone. records. I had the Muppets Family we, the young, trendy consumers, are Voice" Cooke picked up this paper by happenstance Markets adjust and because the music Christmas with John Denver on LP as supposed to be the idealists and float 1 have similar notes from John then take some free advice from a guy industry is adept at preying on dumb a child. Then when cassette tapes this market artificially. Yeah right. Lennon, Jimi Hendrix and Janis who grew up during the Marky Mark, people, I imagine they've got a lot of came along 1 had to buy The Muppet Well personally I am exempt. I have Joplin. The one from Ray Charles is New Kids On the Block, and Mr. Big high paid execs on the case to try and Family Christmas with John Denver note here at my house that was passed in transit as we speak. era - stop listening to Simple Plan, figure this one out. In the end the on tape. Then, right around the time down to me from my father and given If you missed the point then let me girls will start talking to you and guys market will have to adjust itself to John Denver, Fozzie Bear, Ralf The to him by the desk clerk of the 'splain it slower. All these dudes are will stop beating you up. And it evolution - not the opposite. On top of the universe

fish. If you ever get to see pelicans catching fish, it's pretty amazing how they are able to dive into the water from above, and come flying back out By: Don Nguyen with fish in their mouth. Advertising Manager After what felt like a long ride out towards the ocean, they anchored down the boat and every­ one started casting out their lines. The fish that we were fishing for were red snapper (hehe) and I H0PK EVERYONE HAD A GREAT reading sea bass. Two people had stingrays bite their week. I'm sure that most of you did exactly what lines. the week is called and were hitting the books. Words of advice: even if you think you don't get I don't exactly know what the purpose of the motion sickness, take some motion sickness break is. pills. I usually don't get sick but after anchoring I think it's a time in which the university gives us down, I started to feel sick and spent the rest of a week off so that profs can assign readings and the day inside with my head down trying not to have assignments and papers due the day we puke. What started out to be an awesome day at come back. Nonetheless, it is still nice to have a sea trying to catch the biggest fish on the boat week off so you can do whatever you want; like turned into one of the crappiest days of my vaca­ go home and see family, or as I did; go on vaca­ tion. tion. I was lucky to receive a trip paid for by the The next day we headed out to the other side of company I am going to work for this summer Florida towards Tampa Bay and to Clearwater down in the States. They paid my brother and I Beach. After three long hours of driving and to go down to Orlando, Florida for "training." being stuck in traffic a couple times, we arrived at a beautiful white sand clear water beach. It Let's just say, we did maybe a half hour of train­ Universal Studios, Florida ing and the rest of the time was spent vacation­ was my first time on a beach with white sand and ing. It was nice to get away and not have to it was downright awesome. We ended up meet­ Guys, board shorts are good because they dry off main attractions. A lot of times the shuttles are worry about anything since I had two midterms ing some people from Toronto and had a big easily and girls, think twice if you decide to wear cheaper and they can fit up to nine people in and a paper due the week leading up to the beach football game with them. The next two a white shirt. I'm not telling you that you can't those vans so the cost per person isn't that bad. break. days were spent at Universal Islands of but just warning you. Also with the shuttles, you can let them know We arrived in Orlando late Saturday night and Adventure and Universal Studios. Islands of On the other side of the park is Universal what time you want to be picked up from where met the owners and other managers of the com­ Adventure is the side with all the rides such as Studios. This side consists of rides such as Back you are dropped off so you don't have to worry pany at a time-share of the owner at the the roller coasters. They had a bunch of roller to The Future, Shrek 4-D, and Jaws. Not so about calling again. coasters and we hit them all up. The best one Westgate Lakes Resort. This place was awe­ much rides as buildings with seats and a big If you go to Universal and want to go to both out of all of them was the Fire and Ice Dragons. some! We had a pool and hot tub right outside screen. The rides take you through scenes and it parks, do it in two days. Standing in line can take This ride had two roller coasters going at once; the room we were staying in so everything was feels like you are actually in them. If you have up to an hour and a half so the day goes by fast. different from the other rides in the park very convenient. the opportunity to go to Orlando, here are some You can get a two-day two-park ticket for around because it was the only one where your feet hung On the Sunday morning, we had the day tips that will hopefully save you some bucks and $100 which is a pretty good deal compared to in the air. At one point on this ride, the two reserved for some deep-sea fishing. This was the to give you a heads up on what to expect. one-day rates. Bring the sunscreen and camera coasters go towards each other as if they are first time I had ever gone deep-sea fishing so I When you first get there and you need to take a because it is pretty nice down there, so you will going to hit each other and then loop backwards. was excited to go. After arriving just in time to cab to your hotel, expect to pay up to and around definitely want to take some pics while you are In addition to the rides, there were shows put on set out to sea, the charter company took us out $40 to get there. It cost us almost $10 before we down there. as well. One show we went to go see was Sinbad; about an hour and 45 minutes out into the even got out of the airport so it is expensive to No matter where you go, always remember that well worth the time to go see. If you go to Atlantic Ocean. On the way out we saw some get to and from the airport. At your hotel or just because Asians have slanted eyes, it does not Islands of Adventure, be prepared to get wet. cool things like dolphins and pelicans catching resort, ask if they have shuttles to some of the mean we can't see any less. Peace out! Che Meltorlrt I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I Page 21 Feature* Meliorist Crossword 2 3 4 5 6 10 12 13 14 HI 16 17 • ' I" 18 I• 20 H Everybody's 22 23 1 25 Irish 24 26~~ V' _LL2 8 129 30 ACROSS 52 Diva 90 Country 3 Cubic 39 Jubilee 81 Tidy ••• • 1 Auctioneer's Leontyne gentleman meas. 40 Irish actor? 84 Extended 31 3U 33 34 35 36 37 item 53"— been 92 — cotta 4 Philips of 41 Bite for metaphor • 6 Column had!" 94 Bruins' sch. "UHF" Bonzo 85 College 39 40 • 38 41 style 54 Baseball's 95 Compare 5 Saga 42 Freighter or courtyard W 11 Tiff Bucky 96 Castle 6 Knight's ferry 86 Amaze • 15 Wallace or 56 Evangelist feature wife 44 Pool shot 89 Tierra •44 43 45 46 47 48 Ayres Roberts 97 Greek 7 Planet, for 45 Magnon del — • 18 Revenue 57 Sag island one 46 Irish 90 Multiplied •50 51 • 49 53 19 Ann —, Ml 59 Bottled 99 Celtic 8 McGwire musician? 2X2 1 w | 20 Well- spirits? cultists stat 47 European 91 On the — 54 5OTB S6 57 58 ventilated 61 Box 100 Sociable 9 Noun suffix health vive 59 601 21 Have bills 63 Kind of starling 10 Balkan area resort 93 Significant 22 Irish carpet 101 Bluenose 11 Bar food? 48 — Patrick years 62 •63 64 mobster? 64 Fit for a 102 Actress 12 Whart Harris 95 Directional 61 S£ 24 Irish king Davis 13 Like 51 Torrid suffix •66 •67 singer? 65 Easy stride 104 Rainbow potpourri 52 Kelly's 96 Industrialist 65 68 69 1 70 26 Fluffy 66 Irish shape 14 Cobb and possum 97 — oil • female explorer? 105 Scholastic Hardin 55 Candle 98 Unbending 71 74 27 — contact 70 "East of abbr. 15 True-blue 57 Delhi wrap 99 Crusoe's wmm 72 73 28 Frighten Eden" 108 Irish 16 Tom of 58 Shoots the creator •76 77 30 Corduroy character composer? "Adam's breeze 100 "The A- 75 •78 •79 80 81 ridge 71 Dancer 110 Irish Rib" 60 A la King? Team" actor 31 Sean of Gregory boxer? 17 "You — on 62 Curb 101 Skier Mahre 82 83 84 85 86 1 "Colors" 72 They may 116 Infamous My Mind" 63 "Git, 103 Architectural 87 33 Covered be wild Amin ('65 hit) Garfield!" features • J thickly 73 Porthos' pal 117 Chip off 18 Complete 65 Bile 104 Aphrodite's 89 •90 91 88 92 93 36 In any way 75 Turn inside Woody's the cake producer lover 38 Furnish out block 23 Writer Rand 67 Circus 105 Evigan or 94 95 96 41 "The Dating 76 Cremona 118 Carve a 25 Oscar or sound Gumbel Game" craftsman canyon Tony 68 City in 106 Unwind a 98 99 producer 78 Clarinetist 119 Ill-tempered 29 Meyerbeer's Pakistan rind 97 • 100 42 Young Artie 120 Rock's — 69 Talk really 107 Some follower? 79 School Zeppelin "Huguenots— " big 109 Ashen 101 • 102 103 • 104 • 105 106 107 43 "Rigoletto" founded in 121 AMEX rival 31 Seal school 71 Dickens 111 Northwest­ composer 1440 122 Impres­ 32 Author villain ern St. 44 Adams' 82 Always, to sionist Ambler 74 Veneration 112 Marsh 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 apparatus Auden painter 33 Sahara 76 — code 113 Author 45 Home 83 Less 123 Elbow sight 77 Sea, to LeShan 116 117 118 119 wreckers? available 34 Turgenev's Seurat 114 Joanne of 49 "Make — 85 Bartlett bits DOWN birthplace 78 Decks have "Red double!" 87 Space — 1 Tackle a 35 O'Hare info four River" 120 121 122 123 50 Last name 88 Ally Walker bone 37 Wire 80 Grimm 115 Sturm — 1 1 • in fashion series 2 Lot size 38 Fired up creature Drang ©2005 by Kin1g Features Syndicate , Inc. World rights reserved.

How did you spend your 1 Last reading week?

Words To N P N week's E T S D O F G N \ 1 K S Find: 7. H O W G R H O M E W O R K D AIRPORT BARHOPP1NG V b .1 G N I N N A T N U S K N solutions DANCING V S H M A G O E D 1 V H E FAMILY / h FRIENDS 1 I. D N 15 O H Y E R G V 0 Q 1 —*&> GREYHOUND HOMETOWN F F, M G N I P P O H R A B V R HOMEWORK KARAOKE T R P R I A I R A V E L F t! o by Linda Thistle PARTY Rational Numbers READ G N 1 C N A D S H O P P 1 N G Useless Degree My Ass! Using the clues, simple arithmetic, ^•2 |3 |4 RELAX and a little logic, place a single digit • I V (K I Z A Y K 1 E O N T P E L S (0 to 9) in each empty box in the Tr) ' RESEARCH s b 5 • diagram To help you get started, one ' IK (• i » M i i"Xi. i 3D ' RQADTRIP digit has oeen entered m the diagram R J |)| I: I l< II k T n A F i \1 1 R P A R T Y O UKI " SHOPPING iciNrni IN ACROSS iNIJIIII WIN . SIGHTSEEING 1 N P 1 f E M V A (' A T 1 O N 2. Three less than 10-Down :(.' •• •Kit M Al I HSI M 5. Five less than 10-Across WM^^ Ilil'A NKIINti 7. The first digit is the sum ot IRWIN "Fl 14 V UK INS SLEEP S D P N I Y L U E K O A R A K the other digits \i •is DfcVUJ IPMI \i 9. 10-Across plus 15-Across "5 SUNTANNING 10 Twenty less than 1-Down 17 il I Hi. TRAVEL I T G O N K N A Y I. 1 M A 1- .1 11 One less than 1-Down VACATION 12 12-Down minus 15-Across 6. 9-Across plus 12-Across 13. Consecutive digits in 8. Five times 16-Down Ml l« HM \ti I I IN VIDEOGAMES V W 0 R K A R X X V T L O .1 ascending order 10. Seven times 1-Down w 15 11 -Across plus 4-Down NA\ K1ATK IS 11. The last digit is the sum ot ilPII'l i VISIT 17 Four less than 8-Down the othor digits I1AUI I N H G K Z 0 H C R A E E R 12. 2-Across plus 17-Across HINKfcK WORK s M Rklttll s DOWN 14. 10-Across plus 16-Down 1 The first digit is four times RATS 16. The first digit is three times KI.VXKS the last digit the last digit D R 3. Qgrte of 13-Across rearranged 4. 16-Down minus 5-Across

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and help fight off disease. Others are perhaps sitting beside someone on a ing takeoff and landing to ease ear Travel outright opportunists set to invade ten-hour flight who has one. If you're pressure. your immune system. at the mercy of a virus and must trav­ Decongestants make some people during cold el, there are some ways you can make jumpy, so avoid caffeine drinks if you Prevention a flight more comfortable. go this route. Antihistamines may One of the easiest ways to prevent a Carry a well-stocked mini-medicine also be helpful to alleviate swelling in cold is to wash your hands. Since our bag with you onto the plane. Even it nose membranes, but they tend to be By Stephanie Keeling hands are breeding grounds for you're feeling better right before the dehydrating. Many cold drugs have a microbes (good and bad) a thorough flight this may not be the case a few sleep-inducing effect, which might be hand washing can eliminate almost hours into the flight, where you are welcome if you can get relief from all of the transient ones. If you're on a confined, breathing recycled air, and snoozing. But if the flight ends and IT SEEM8 AMAZING THAT SEVERAL flight, wash your hands before and have lots of time to focus on your mis- you're still in a stupor, this is not a hundred people can fit on an airplane alter meals and avoid handling "com­ en- and the person sneezing behind good Idea. Be sure you understand and be transported to another conti­ munal" magazines, blankets, and pil­ you. the dosage and the "wear-off time of nent. What's even more amazing is lows. Colds affect your head and chest, any medicine as it relates to the that on each person's hands, more Some people, when they feel a cold which could mean swollen sinuses, a length of your flight. Rely on tried than to million bacteria are stowing coming on, reach for the Vitamin C, sore throat, plugged -up ears and and true medicines that have worked along for the ride. Add to that the echinacea, or Other anti-viral herbal general congestion. Drinking water is for you before. confined quarters and recycled air of remedies. But besides hand washing, very effective for thinning out If you're uncomfortable due to cold an airplane and you have a recipe for one of the most proven ways to pre­ mucous and it will help avoid dehy­ symptoms on a flight, the flight atten­ catching or sharing the cold you're vent a cold is to give your body a dration, which could magnify your dants may be able to offer you warm traveling with. So how can we keep fighting chance by eating well, drink­ symptoms. If your ears are congest­ Quids Or pain relievers. If you are these microbial passengers to a mini­ ing Quids, and avoiding stress. ed, consider using a decongestant seated beside someone with a rip- mum? tablet or spray a half-hour before the roaring, nose-blowing cold, you First, the good news. Not all of the Basing Cold Symptoms flight (since altitude changes occur might be able to arrange a change o\ bacteria living on our hands and body There's nothing worse than travel­ within the first portion of the flight). seat. If not, the in-flight movie might are the baddies. Some an- beneficial ling with a debilitating cold. Except Try chewing gum or swallowing dur­ seem especially appealing. Three Unes Free The Meliorist Thursday, 3 March 2005 I Page 22

Voty can submit your TL-F's to tlf(£5itnemeliorist.com or visit our website at www. thomeliorist.com/tlfs.ntm All TLF's MLJST be submitted via a valid uleth email account Please note that slanderous or offensive Tt-F's may b& adit&d or omitted , Wear your yoga pants with caution, you look aut related activities." the library being a quiet place to study. The cur anecdotes to an otherwise interesting psych lec- REALLY REALLY HOT in them. I can't concen­ lab is on the other side. ture. I guess the front row is where the only seri­ trate on anything else in class.... Gorditas! Gorditas! Taco souls are we. ous students sit. News flash! The Cur lab is on half of the nth Ralph Parfait! Stay away from the ham; C'est du I found my true love in the TLF's, where will you floor. The computer areas are meant for quiet Touch my monkey! Mauvais Jambon! find yours? and individual work. Some people! Rachel, thanks for the sherry and the cognac, I Delta house boys rule!! go Turbolaser! Can the DJs at CKXU stop playing mp3 cds on Tara Dobek is the hottest chick alive!!! will cherish the fragrant bouquet before I slam the radio, they sound like crap. back shot after shot after shot after shot! Go Tonto...Jump on it! Congrats AGAIN Jim, another World Record, Oh yeah!? Well I don't read very often! GOOD LUCK AT CI'S. The team! Dave's not home! Rotenburo, Awa o mimashita, mou deyo Damn you parking gestapo! When will you give I wasn't scared, I just peed, Hey Steve, if you're ever going to DM again, dark-helmeted knight me a break? The empty space next to me still had remember that magic missile hits l die 6 you kung-fu grip across the room time! Just go with the bowl hat idea, conform con­ idiot. That bugbear would have killed us. I'm your father, Luke form! The Zoonion waters down their drinks. Why do people drink imported bottled water The Velvet Tuxedo coat has been dissed. To So you have a Prince Albert. I am suppose to when Canadian water is the shiznit. avenge my coat I shall unleash its wrath on Why the heck do they have to put midterms look you in the eyes knowing this? Lethbridge all weekend. before reading week. I'm exhausted!!! If boys have wet dreams, do girls have dry How can my roommates not know who my nightmares? To the guys who sit in the back of geog. 1010a You like soy milk, and I like cow milk, and babies roommates are? and chat all the time. I don't pay for classes so like boob milk. Did you know that in Sweden Cindarella's carry on talking. Little Miss Hotshot in Ed 2500 SHUT UP! YOU name is Tuna? I say sexy things to myself when I'm daaan- ARROGANT, RUDE, AIR HEAD! GET OVER It's been 19 yrs... sling some yogurt my way. cing_ YOURSELF! Dutch Rice Krispies don't go "snap-crackle- pop," they go "pif, paf, pof!" J to the C to the M People who study while listening to music learn Hey gunz...lets hit the range!!—***sparks* I love you like a fat kid loves cake! 45% less than those who don't. Did you know that Utopia is the Greek word N to the F to the M The Atrium, this Friday, March 4th @ 2:30. for nowhere . . . I'll pose, but you gotta give me a leaf. Over ten residents are shaving their heads for Solve world hunger; eat a baby. cancer! Vanessa, If I was a golden eagle, would you Mommy, I wish we could be Mexicans. ruffle my feathers? ...and the REAL number one sign that you're a Come help us support the Kids Cancer Care loser is you can't think of anything funny to Don't stop now, we are in bat country. Farewell, Foundation of Alberta! Why do chix keep farting on the treadmills? write in the weekly top 5! Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Every time I'm done waiting, the hottest girl I'm sure glad that my tuition dollars buy me the leaves me a treat-cloud, To the shaved-headed gent in the library: no To the blonde near the door of Phil 1000b. chance to listen to the same students yap every need to be a prick to library staff ... do your Wow, you're super hot. class, adding their own personal experience and Every good boy deserves fudge. homework in advance next time. w.c.c. -1 love: how clumsy we are, how you look Don N. is a disgrace. at me, how you kiss me, how you hold me, how dreamy you are, you. - j.m.t Here's a suggestion for the weekly top 5: blank space. It would probably be funnier than Don. C SECTION: I miss you! Be prepared for a wild Thursday night! Love, Lindsay. The Meliorist's new website is riddled with spelling mistakes. Look into it. Hey guy in CS3710 with deep voice, SHUT UP, CAPTION CONTEST your talking in class annoys everyone. Be careful kids! Music you download from the Internet may contain subliminal messages from So much for skiing everyday.... now we all get to Al-Qaeda! write papers again!!

Its boys like you who make me think I am better Dude, my girlfriend keeps telling me to f#@* off. off at home on a Saturday night. Do you think she's trying to tell me something?

With all the doors locked up tight. I won't be Stay away from the Holiday Inn. thinking about you, baby. Am I an idiot? I think so. I'll never be what you Mmm... babyback ribs... nutritious and deli- want. - M Inc. cious! There's no reason we all can't live in an elitist Hey smokers, can you count to ten? How about society. Go fraternity! three metres? Stay the hell away from the build­ ings! Your smoking hurts my lungs. There is a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold, and she's buying a stairway to heaven. We want The Dudes! We want The Dudes.. The Union should book The Dudes because they will I would like to congratulate the Meliorist for hir­ blow those lesbians Tegan & Sara away! ing Don. You've figured out how to solve student apathy, by insulting the students. Jason: I'm so sorry. I love you SOOOOO much!! Lets make this work. I have yet to meet a real person that truly has nothing better to do than bitch about Don's top library Service Quality survey. Have you been 5 list. chosen? Drunken toilet fixing... far more fun than you'd AAOAC: Another Alcoholic For those of you who didn't know Math 3100 think! was a social hour, obviously you missed the memo. Go to Tongue and Groove tonight for PUNK ROCK with RACING HOME AND GHOSTS OF Quit changing the front picture on the Uleth site MODERN MAN!!!! Oi everyday. 000000000 give it to me!!!! "Local wiMMifa activist! Leger is the most brilliant dude on campus. •nnnfJnn of tits minds" What do you get for ten minutes? A better Thanx CKXU for bringing Tegan and Sara, library! Please complete your library survey. you're swell. Lovin' the warm weather that brings out the eye Man, this cold just won't go away, I mean you'd candy behind Piikani. Keep up the hard work think the alcohol would make it better. Mike!! . * *^ •••» ow capuonT anna your captions to afUcatOaai •Wirtrt." •» to win a $50 laiiawain" flit cortMcata*

Art student at the U of L says: "I'm into aut and People are so F-ing inconsiderate. So much for •^^rti.i..r...M>^)t>.rtil, t|,|H> Ihe Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I Page 23 SPORTS — Sports Throwing his weight around Jim Steacy prepares to take on the world

and became a highly recruited prospect coming Steacy bested an eight-time All American and faces every week. Each meet prepares him more into University. "There were probably more distanced himself further from his competitors for the ultimate goal of being in China in 2008 as By Craig Hamilton schools in the U.S. that were interested, but in the CIS. proud alumni of the Pronghorns program. there were offers from all over Canada too." Sports Editor With all of the controversy surrounding steroids With aspirations to coach and teach once his So why come to a small school with a track pro­ of late, Steacy also has strong opinions on their throwing days are over, perhaps Steacy will gram that suffers financially? use in track and field. "I haven't seen it in CIS, influence the next generation of track athletes, "The main thing was the coach. Larry (Steinke) aaa but on the professional level, it's definitely an just as local athletes have inspired him. "I like is probably one of the best technical coaches in issue." While new counter-measures have the idea that the small town guy can be success­ OR SOMEONE WHO OWNS A WORLD RECORD North America. So it just made sense to stay popped up over the past few years, many see the ful on the big stage." and could throw a beer keg through a third story here. I did get quite a few offers from the States, issue as infecting the sport, discrediting much of So do we, and we are seeing it everyday in Jim window, Jim Steacy doesn't like to talk about his but why go away to something that is going to be what takes place. "If you were looking to do it, Steacy. accomplishments much. When asked about his an unfamiliar training environment, meet all there are ways to, but I just contribution to the University of Lethbridge new people, and have to worry about an unfa­ keep my nose clean and avoid Pronghorn men's track team, Steacy simply side­ miliar setting for school and training when you everything like that. I've been steps the question, and places the praise on the have all the comforts of home right here?" tested a few times, and it's not coach and other team members. He talks about Lucky for us, not only is Jim strong, but he's the big ordeal that a lot of peo­ how his domination at every level of competition level headed as well. ple make it out to be. I just fig­ will be something he can look back on in 20 or With Steacy's help, the UofL track team has ure that if I have to do some­ 30 years, but that it's "not a big focus" right now. climbed into the CIS Top-Ten, but it's a group thing extra to increase my per­ Talking to Jim Steacy, you get the impression effort, as far as Steacy is concerned. ""It's a huge formance, then I'll just hang it that he doesn't even know how good he is. Of deal (to be in the top ten.) When a program that up." course, if you were to ask anyone else, it would doesn't have the funding or the exposure that After all is said and done, it be a different story. some of the bigger sports do, it's great to be able appears that Steacy is just The third year Kinesiology student has emerged to keep a keep a constant top ten team. Everyone enjoying the ride while as one of the premier throwers in the CIS, and on the team is doing great and we push each destroying the throwers that he with the 2008 Beijing Olympics in mind, Steacy other to do better all the time." will only improve from here on out. How good is While success at the CIS level is a great accom- the Saskatoon native? Just last weekend he | plishment for the time being, Steacy has bigger broke his own record in the weight throw en goals. route to his third Canada West title and another """"Obviously the dream is to make the Olympic world record for his age group. He out-distanced team, so 2008 is the main goal right now," says his closest competitor by more than five meters. Jim. "Being an optimist, I think that (my Jim Steacy is so good that in 2003, he broke the chances) are pretty good, and I've got three years Canadian junior record in discus; an event that to get to that level. For now, the training volume Steacy calls his "relaxation event." increases year after year, and physically I am Steacy started out in track in much the same way able to do more as I get stronger and get more that many of us are first exposed to the sport: throws under my belt, but right now it's just junior high gym class. "Track and field was strength gains and technique." IM 11 1IC* ise. mandatory back then as part of the phys-ed pro­ And what of his first world record breaking gram, and our teacher just said to find an event throw of a few weeks ago? "I knew that it was a that we liked," said Steacy. "I happened to like personal best, but I didn't know at the time how discus. That's what got everything started." good it was. My two previous throws were PBs Hair. Tannine & Nails While many of us were simply biding our time (personal bests), and I knew that the last one r \J until we could get out of mandatory gym classes, went a little farther, but it wasn't until after that Steacy stuck with the sport through high school, I knew it was a record." In setting the mark,

KATIE, ANN, STACIE, TIFFANY, CAT, CHELSEY, VANESSA, SALLY & MARISA-STARR "We take responsibility for your GOOD LOOKS!' MONDAYS ARE BIG HAIRY DEAL DAYS 15% OFT SAION SLKVICES

880 HERITAGE BLVD. WEST 394-3800 SPORTS The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2005 I Page 24 Moving on Hockey seniors leave Basketball seniors take to the floor for final time ice for final time

"With the season finishing up heading into reading week, the seniors of both men's and women's teams have taken to the ice with the 'Horns logo on their chests for the final time" Simon Straith, Angela Thompson, Nick Baldwin, jen Loraas-Pletsch and Joel Price. four players would be walking off the ice for the Absent from photo: Jaime Tschritter. final time. Joining Herman in their final game as Pronghorns were Robbie Hodgson, Kelsey as the leading glass man in the Canada West divi­ Norsworthy, and Kate Valikoski. While By Craig Hamilton sion. His teammate Simon Straith is one of the Norsworthy, Hodgson and Herman were in Sports Editor most accurate deep threats in Canada West and their final year of eligibility, Valikoski was grad­ has connected on 109 three pointers since join­ uating from the UofL after her fourth year with ing the team in the 2002/03 season. On the women's side, Angela Thompson has been a the program. IVF . SEEN A LOT OF THINGS IN THE FIVE YEARS These four players have been a large part of the that I've been covering basketball at the force from both inside and outside the paint dur­ success of the women's program over the past University of Lethbridge. I've seen Nick Baldwin ing her time at the UofL. This season, only four few years and they will be missed. Herman is the tally more double-doubles than a Tim Horton's other women in the Nation have made more fifth highest point getter in Canada West, junkie. I've seen Angela Thompson be more ver­ three pointers, while during her first few years flanked by seven UofA Pandas and two UofR satile than duct-tape, posting up on one play, and with the team, Thompson often led the 'Horns in Cougars. Jodi amassed 24 points over 18 games then torching her defender from beyond the arc rebounding. Tschritter has contributed to the this season, and led the team in assists. All com­ on the next. I've seen Simon Straith be more team in many ways over the past few years, tran­ bined, the four departing players provided 47 of accurate from a distance than a cruise missile, sitioning from a deep bench post player into a 92 points for the team on the year. once knocking down 10 shots from deep in a sin­ late-game necessity. Case in point? A few weeks On the men's side, five players bid farewell to gle game. I've seen Jamie Tschritter hand out ago Jaime not only converted two points to put the program, including team captain Ryan Epp. more rejections than Simon Cowell on a bad day, the 'Horns ahead of the UofC Dinos, but also By Craig Hamilton Billy Katelnikoff, PJ Lynch, Chad Kletzel, and but then clean the glass better than Windex. I've blocked the final UofC attempt on the defensive Sports Editor Dave Legge also laced them up for the final time seen Joel Price hustle more than Minnesota Fats end to seal the win. After all is said and done, with the team. The loss of the five seniors will in a room full of suckers. I've seen Jen Loraas- these are players who have performed week in leave big shoes to be filled, as three of the top Pletsch break more ankles than the mob and and week out for the Pronghorns, and have made five scorers on the team are departing. hand out more dishes than a soup kitchen. our experience as fans that much better. Katelnikoff led the team with 19 points, while Unfortunately, I won't be seeing any of that For those who are unsure of what the future W HEN A TEAM LOSES PLAYERS, THERE IS a stinging period of adjustment. When a team Ryan Epp followed up with 18 points in 28 again, and neither will you. These six players brings for the basketball program at the loses the core seniors that have been with the games. Lynch chipped in 11 points on the year. have hit the floor wearing the Blue and Gold for University of Lethbridge, fear not. The seniors all program for a number of years, that sting In an injury plagued-season, Kletzel spent the last time. agree that the teams that they are graduating increases ten-fold. Such is the case with the much of his time watching from the sidelines, as It is one thing to watch a team every once in a from are in good hands. "We are leaving behind University of Lethbridge Pronghorn hockey he played in only six games with the team. Dave while, casually enjoying the game, indifferent to a great core group of guys who will take over to teams. With the season finishing up heading Legge added two points on the year. whether they win or lose. It is something differ­ fill those roles," said Joel Price "Guys like (Tim) into reading week, the seniors of both men's and Both teams will look to the future within the ent altogether to watch a team night in and night Whitehead and Rich (Humphrey) will lead the women's teams have taken to the ice with the program for success. The men's squad will turn out for a number of years, rejoicing in victories team and keep it going. And one of the great 'Horns logo on their chests for the final time. to Shaun Norrie and Jarrett Parkyn for offensive and suffering through losses, but sticking with things about this team is that we had really great The women's team made up ground over the production next year. The two combined for 27 them regardless of the outcome. For true fans of chemistry both on and off the floor, and that final weeks of the regular season, and earned a points on the year and will make an effort to the Pronghorns over the past few seasons, these won't stop just because we are gone." Baldwin playoff berth that set them against the pick up where they left off heading into next six players have come to be some of the depend­ felt similarly about the Pronghorn team. "With University of Alberta in the first round of the year. The women's program will rely on Sam able faces that we look forward to seeing over the the new facilities opening up, and now that post season. While the Pandas swept the 'Horns Ward, coming back for her fourth season with course of the 20-game season. They are not so Connolly is a little more established here, there in Edmonton to knock them out of the playoffs, the team. Ward was the leading goal scorer for much distanced players as they are an extension should be no problem carrying on what we've the team ended the season in fine fashion, as the 'Horns, with 12 markers in 18 games. of our friends. We celebrate with them when the done. He's got his own group of alumnus now three players earned Canada West All Star selec­ We wish all of the departing seniors the best of ball drops on the gutsy drive of a close game, and who will be able to contribute, and help out the tions. Jodi Herman ended her career as a 'Horn luck in all of their future endeavors, and look we endure the sting with them when the ball program." Thompson echoed those sentiments as a second-team All-Star. forward to watching the new players next sea­ doesn't fall. We cheer them on after a great play, about the women's team. "There are definitely After the dust had settled against the Pandas, son. and hold our breath after a hard foul sends them people who are ready to step up and fill those to the floor. They are our team and it'll be tough leadership roles. The program in on it's way up, to see them go. and I know that it'll be successful." It's not like our support is purely emotional It has been a pleasure to watch these six play­ Big Rock Pronghorn either. This is a group of players that came to ers during their time here at the UofL, and as a perform, and the numbers show it. Nick Baldwin fan, let me be the first to thank them and wish Athletes of the Week will leave the team as one of the most prolific them well. And while we will miss them, there is rebounders to ever wear the Pronghorn logo. He a new crop of players ready to step up to the chal­ Press Release pulled down a franchise-record 22 boards in one lenge that their departure has created. On to next game earlier this season, and will leave the team for the week ending Sunday, February 13, 2005

Big Rock Female Athlete of the Week: Sam Ward - Women's Hockey Forward Sam Ward (Hanna, AB, 3rd year) was an integral part of the «**.. Pronghorn Women's quest to secure a playoff spot during the last weekend of the regular season. Friday night, Sam picked up two goals and one \ Rice & Dr. Rollingsap assists in a 3-3 tie with the U of M Bisons. Saturday night, in a must win game, Ward scored the first goal and assisted on another in a 4-0 victory. On the weekend, Sam had three goals, 2 assists and recorded nine shots on goal, while being a plus 3. On the season, Sam led the team in goals with 12 and finished second in points with 19.

Big Rock Male Athlete of the Week: Simon Straith - Men's Basketball Shooting guard, Simon Straith (Victoria, BC, 5th year) entered last week­ end knowing that it would be the last time he would don the "Horns blue 335 Columbia Blvd. West • The Parkview Dental Centre and he made the most of it. Friday night, straith picked up game high nine­ teen points during the Horns 83-70 victory over the U of R Cougars. $10.°° COUPON Saturday night, Simon continued to hold the hoi hand, -hooting 8 of 13 from the field and an in 'of 10 fri m behind the three-poinl an towards tjour next dental treatment coring another game high i • boundsandone Valid untii March 17, 20fJ5. One coupon per person. • Please mention the coupon when you book your appointment! The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2(K)5 I paf(e 25 SPORTS Forbes Collects Two Golds and A Temple Of Doom Chaney's displeasure with the officials. CW Record Illegal Screens are like holding in Football, you could reasonably call it every time down, further By Dubb Jay slowing the pace of the game. But Chaney's reac­ Press release Sports Contributor tion was, for lack of a better term, disgusting. He Regina, SK admittedly substituted Ingram into the game to send a message. That message? The Temple Owls didn't like the refereeing. Ingram fouled OUt in four minutes and the message had been ORTH-YF.AR PRONGHORN THROWER, Kate PORT HAS LONG BEEN CONSIDERED A delivered. The problem however is that Forbes won both of her events at the Canada microcosm of life, continuously showing us a Chaney's message was received heaviest by St. West Track and Field Championships in Regina mirror into our true selves that we otherwise Joes best player - John Bryant, eliminating his last weekend to take two gold medals, while set­ would never peer into. Often we see the side of senior season and possibly any future basketball ting a Canada West record in the weight throw. people through sport that they never showcase, for him. Was it Bryant's fault the screens weren't Tbe University of Lethbridge women's team never portray in their normal life. Occasionally, legal? finished in fifth spot, while the men grabbed through extraordinary coaching, some are able Chaney later apologized for the act and gave the fifth spot as well. to even tap into the inside of some athletes, himself a one game suspension. Temple On Friday, Forbes won the shot put with a unleashing the side that neither party new exist­ University responded by adding two more games throw of 13.76 meters to beat the UofC's Jessica ed. This is one of the great beauties of sport, but in penalty, but the damage had been done. St. Zelinka by only four centimeters. With the win, sometimes, just like in life some things are only Joe's tournament hopes are now exactly that, Kate remains undefeated in CIS competition in beautiful in theory. hopes. There head coach Phil Martelli is taking that event. On Saturday morning, Forbes con­ In other events over the weekend, Kendra Temple University coach John Chaney is a Hall the high road, refusing to comment, and Bryant tinued her prowess in the throwing events and Harper finished second in the pentathlon, of Fame coach for a lot of reasons. His ability to with his severely damaged elbow, well he hasn't set a new Canada West record in the weight recording 3493 points. Harper trailed Jessica tap into a player and tap into his potential is sued yet but you can bet we'll hear from him throw. Her toss of 19.02 meters breaks the old Zelinka, the eventual winner of the event, by certainly one. Nehemiah Ingram is one of again. mark of 18.30, set last year by Megan Reid from 833 points. Also, Jim Steacy collected his sec­ those players. Ingram is a young, but large bench John Chaney is a well-respected coach, with the University of Saskatchewan. Forbes exacted ond gold medal when he won the shot put event player for the Owls and Chaney has gotten him good reason. This despicable decision in the some revenge from last season as she beat Reid on Friday afternoon. On his fifth attempt, to buy into the zone defense and work hard and Liacouras Center will forever be his legacy. The by more than a meter. Kate is also the CIS Steacy distanced him self from the field by earn himself some playing time, spelling some of mark it now leaves on the great game of bas­ record holder in the weight throw, a mark she more than a meter, with a throw of 16.39 the starters on the team. The reason his number ketball is darker than any great one he left on set last year with a throw of 18.99. meters. was called against St. Joseph's however, John the game before it. Rage in the Ring "Back with a Vengeance"

last weekend at the Lethbridge Saskatoon. That fight was followed by super welterweight modified muay started landing a series of high kicks Exhibition grounds, and fight fans in crowd favorite and Lethbridge local thai bout that saw Bambrick come in the second round to take much of By Craig Hamilton town did not leave disappointed. Seven Quesnelle, who TKO'd Rick away with a unanimous decision. The the momentum from Hardy. As the Sports Editor With every fight that takes place, tht LaMonteange only 1:42 into the first Lethbridge fighter battered Jahnke bout wore on, both fighters came in crowds grow and the quality of fights round. with a barrage of kicks in the first close and utilized a handful of knees increases. The Rage in the Ring II fea­ As the under card fights carried on, round, eventually sending the visitor to weaken their opponents. Looking tured a number of great under cards Lethbridge fighters fared particularly to the floor. After Jay Percival and for the big shot in the fifth and final that led into the main events of the well in front of their home crowd. Levi Kump won their bouts, the main round, both fighters landed big evening. With more muay thai fights Four of five local fighters took their events took off, featuring the return of punches, but in the end it was Mills W HAT BETTER WAV TO KICK than they have scheduled in the past, matches, with the only loss coming by Lethbridge trainer and PFA original who earned the unanimous decision. tn off a reading week than by watching the evening was fast paced and full of way of split decision. Trevor Hardy to the ring. It won't be until October 8 that the grown men beat and batter each other action that bought the fans to their The evening featured three 'super The first of the two main events saw Rage in the Ring will return to to the delight of throngs of fans? The feet. To start off the night, the PFA's fights' that featured only one local Hardy both take and dish out big Lethbridge, as the PFA will pit some Progressive Fighting Academy put on Randy Mason took a unanimous deci­ fighter. Adam Bambrick squared off shots in the first round with England of Canada's top fighters against a another great mixed martial arts show sion from Scott Richards of against Regina's Jamie Jahnke in a native Gareth Mills. It was Mills who group of international opponents.

has averaged 20.4 points, 9.4 rebounds and 3.7 a dash for the playoffs this season. However, assists per game this season, was dealt from with the addition of two-time All-Star Baron Atlanta in exchange for Gary Payton, Tom Davis, you can tell they're trying to do some­ Gugliotta, Michael Stewart, and a future first thing. The Warriors acquired Davis from their round draft pick. Boston also sent Jiri Welsch to Western Conference basement buddy Hornets in the Cavaliers for a first round draft pick in 2007. exchange for Speedy Claxton and Dale Davis. There were a tew other mentionable moves Davis, who led New Orleans with 18.9 points per prior to last Thursday's mid-afternoon cut-off game, should be a nice addition to a struggling time. Keith Van Horn moved from Milwaukee to Warriors team as they look towards the seasons have ended at the same time as the trade dead­ Dallas as the Mavericks look to add, in the words ahead to rebuild. line, the teams would have had matching win of President of Basketball Operations Donnie In total, 29 players in 10 transactions were percentages. So really, there was no big surprise Nelson, some "versatility, experience and shoot­ dealt new homes last Thursday, some meant to that both teams took advantage of their last ing ability" to their roster as they look ahe make an impact on this season, some to fill a chance to make some executive decisions. the playoffs. Calvin Booth Alan Henderson and a couple spots on the bench, and others to hope­ The Sixers grabbed five-time NBA All-Star wad of cash were sent to the Bucks in exchange fully make a big difference next year. Either way Chris Webber along with Matt Barnes and for Van Horn. we should be in for a good end to this wacky Michael Bradley from the Kings in exchange for Golden State clearly isn't about to try and make NBA season. Brian Skinner, Kenny Thomas, and Corliss Williamson. Also leaving the Philadelphia roster was Glenn Robinson, who was sent to New Orleans in exchange for Rodney Rogers and Jama! Mashburn. Robinson, who was acquired in 2003 only played 42 games last season and has so far sat out entire 2004-2005 season. Of By Vince Chew all the Sixers' acquisitions, Webber will clearly Sports Contributor make the biggest impact on the team as he brings his presence, leadership and twelve sears of NBA experience - not to mention an average 21.3 points, o-"7 rebounds and 5.5 assists per O 11,1 COULDN'TTELL roi HOW OFTEN I'VE game - to the court in Philly. heard sports analysts saying things like, "if the I'm sure the fans in Boston, where they're still season ended today..." along with the regular celebrating their World Series and Super Bowl accompaniment of the who's in who's out playofl titles, would love to see their Celtics have a mumbo jumbo that those guys love to dismiss as chance to sweep professional sports (remember, the season creeps to its conclusion, tint you no Bruins) with an NBA Championship. The know, as cliche' as it is, it's a good way to look at odds are a little more against them in the NBA, teams' perspectives heading into the home­ however, seeing as though there's a realistic stretch, particularly when it comes to the trade chance that they may not even play In the post­ deadline. season. So let's look at the NBA, whose trade deadline In an attempt to close out the season strong, passed a week ago on Thursday, February 124th the Celtics have brought back a familiar face; at 3 p.m., ET. Antoine Walker. Walker spent his first seven Iverson and his Sixers have found themselves seasons in the NBA playing for the Celtics and to be in a division lead or-busl scenario with now he's on bis way back to Boston. Walker, who Pierce and the Celtics, and if the season were to SPORTS The Meliorist I Thursday. 3 March 2005 i Page 26 Good riddance to bad rubbish! NHL finally done with, and its about time

away by having to pay increasing tick­ et prices to watch a watered-down product. Expansion had hurt the By Craig Hamilton league. Sound familiar? Only now is Sports Editor the Major League Baseball fan base returning to pre-strike numbers, meaning that it took more than a full decade for the national past time to recover. How did they get back? Sadly N 1994 SPORTS ILLUSTRATED I for the NHL, baseball saw the chase published an issue with the following for two time-honored records intrigue headline: "Why the NHL's Hot and fans enough to start watching again. the NBA's Not." That won't happen in the NHL. My, how the mighty have fallen. In the course of ten short years, the National The biggest contributing factor to Hockey League has gone from top of the baseball renaissance came in the the heap in professional spoil to the form of Cal Ripken. Jr. breaking the bottom of the pile. It has been a com­ consecutive game streak in 1995. and plete reversal of fortune for which then again in 1999 when Mark players and owners have themselves McGuire broke the single-season to thank. homerun record. More than anything When the NHL season was supposed else, those two players drew fans back to start, but didn't due to the lockout. to the game by accomplishing amaz­ I was chatting with a few 'insiders' ing feats that no one had thought pos­ who informed me that both TSN and sible. If it took two record-breaking The Score would both be facing mas­ performances to get baseball fans sive personnel issues. Given that the back, what, then will it take to get season was in jeopardy, even- broad­ hockey fans filling rinks in the future? cast network was facing the problem Unless someone is going to be scoring of employing dozens of hockey 93 goals next season, or earning 16 experts, but found they had no hockey shutouts, it could be along time before to cover. Apparently this wasn't as big hockey fans return to the NHL. an issue as originally anticipated. In the new-style NHL that limits Instead of hockey highlights every scoring and offensive production, it night, we were subjected to 152 days muster for its war coverage. months ago, rather than be subjected retirement. Hockey had the chance to would take an amazing string of of the same repetitive rhetoric about Honestly, how was day 12 of the to 152 days of Nick Kyprios discussing take the reigns of the sporting world, events to bring fans back to the game the bickering between players and lockout any different than day 112? 'linkage'? but they dropped the ball. And if the in the same numbers, even ten years owners. It was 152 days of speculation The issues were the same, and every­ Think back to 1994. The NHL had NHL suffers in the same way that from now. Ironically, the one player and 'insight' that was encapsulated by one was discussing the exact same nothing but upside when compared to MLB did, it could be a long time who may be able to break some witty slogans and titles like "Season things. People met, people threw the other pro leagues. Major League before we are seeing a return of fan records is Sidney Crosby, and he's on Ice" or "NHL 2005: A Season on around random percentage numbers, Baseball was on strike, the NFL cul­ support. stuck in the minors because when the the Brink." Suddenly a strike in a people argued, and nothing got done. minated in a boring blow-out of a When the MLB went on strike, fans season was cancelled, so to was the hockey league merits intense graphics How many of us would have much Super Bowl, and the NBA was missing felt alienated by high-paid players draft. Best of luck hockey, but I really that onlv tbe likes of CNN could rather seen the season cancelled five out on Michael Jordan during his first who wanted more. Thev were driven couldn't give a damn anymore. Epitaph for a Odd jobs - Sports Writer moving targets

For a few fleeting hours, I was a 'golf professional' of sorts. I shagged balls, By Craig Hamilton learned the inner workings of the Sports Editor By Craig Hamilton grounds room, and talked my way Sports Editor into driving the ball picker around the range. Alongside the two guys that were HERE ARF ONLY A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE IN THE world charged with seeing that I didn't who I would genuinely like to meet. Each person on this ID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE cause too much trouble, I learned that list is there for a specific reason. They have all influenced just over 400 players in the NBA? The the perks to working at a driving me differently, be they athletes, musicians, spiritual lead­ PGA gave cards to only 296 players range far outweigh the actual bene­ ers, or writers, but I owe them all something. That group this year. When you think about how fits. All the balls you can hit and free decreased by one member on February 20. many people consider themselves to rounds of golf sounds pretty good to For better or for worse, Hunter S. Thompson is the rea­ be great basketball players and me. son that I started writing. I first read Thompson nearly ten golfers, the odds of going to the show On a good day, between 10,000 and years ago, for no reason other than that I was a high-school aren't exactly encouraging. The point 15,000 golf balls will be hit at a driv­ kid fascinated by the culture of the 1960's. The Beatles and is that professional athletes are few ing range. If you are the guy picking CCR were in my CD player while Timothy Leary and the and far between. So, with that in them up, they all seem to be heading Autobiography of Malcolm X were on my bookshelf. I mind, what can a person do to be at you. As balls zip past the cart, one heard about Thompson, and picked up his most famous close to the game that he or she loves? becomes all too aware that those hit­ work, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." It was instant. style, one of the finest works of his career is titled "The The answer is simple, if not glam­ ting them are likely aiming for you. There was something in his writing that was unlike any­ Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved." It was an orous. Over the next few weeks, I will After all, when I'm hitting balls, I'm thing I had ever come across. This was not a man telling early piece that he did for Scanlon's Monthly in his home­ be looking at sports jobs that aren't aiming straight for the poor sap driv­ the story of an event; rather, he was inserting himself and town of Louisville, Kentucky. While most writers would really 'sports jobs.' Those occupations ing the cart. Well, this time, I was that becoming the story around which everything else occurred. focus on the race itself, and perhaps on the enthusiastic that are in the business of sports but poor sap. Balls ricocheted off of the It was pure, unrefined, and gonzo to the core. high-class crowd, Thompson got loaded, and took to the aren't the sport themselves. I hope cage and dropped in from above like At the heart of "Fear and Loathing" was the Mint 400 infield with the rabble. His description of the race is the you enjoy it. enemy mortars. When you can tell the motorcycle race, and Thompson was sent by Sports best I've ever read. If you absolutely need to be a part of difference between a guy hitting a Illustrated to cover it. While the magazine eventually Thompson was an original. A unique voice that offered the sport you love, find something to wedge and a driver from how the ball rejected his story, Rolling Stone picked it up, and encour­ insights into politics, drug, sports, and life. He once told do that keeps you involved. For exam­ hits the side of your rig, you aren't in aged him further. He went on to cover the Super Bowl for Ralph Steadman, illustrator of'Fear and Loathing' that "I ple, if you're a golfer, try dodging golf a good position. Rolling Stone, and spent the weekend doing what any foot­ would feel real trapped in this life if I didn't know that I balls at 150 yards behind a thin sheet When my day at the range was over, ball fan would do in his position: drink in excess and gam­ could commit suicide at any time." At least he chose to of Plexiglas. Let me tell you, it's not I had collected hundreds of balls, ble profusely. Still, one comes away from the story with an stick around this long. "Buy the ticket. Take the ride." everything that it's cracked up to be. washed buckets of range balls, and understanding of what it was like to be there. From a bowl­ What few people realize, or at least what gets lost in the Over a reading week that was high­ been tagged by line drives off of the ing craze in Costa Rita to orgies at the Olympics to his lat­ gonzo translation, is that Thompson was, above all else, a lighted by some Madden 2005 and a tee. Of course, if working at a golf est idea on ESPN.com's Page 2 ol Shotgun Golf, he did it all damn fine sports writer. His stream of consciousness will few rounds of golf, I took to the other course is something you want to do, with a style that no one will ever equal. tell you more than a box score ever could. side of the driving range at Evergreen it's a small price to pay to be near the If you are looking for a prune example ol one of the gonzo Mahalo, good Doctor. Golf Center to see what life was like. game you love. COUNCIL WEEKLY UPDATE Disability Awareness Days By: Jason Rumer Students' (CAUS) made a mendations by CAUS and we •interactive activities VP Academic •tn(btTmtli)nrq{anftngrK«alstortesof'student5 living and Employment, this com­ announcements. with disabilities while attending post: 10 am - 4pm Student in Alberta. mittee makes decisions that As your Vice-President smwdary institutions When Premier Ralph directly affect funding to the Academic and the Vice-Chair Klein announced in Dec­ learning portfolio. The of CAUS I have been £>i March 4th, AT ember that post-secondary committee is made up of working hard to make sure Dv.GreeprWX education was to be the MLAs and government QF 'DisaMRyAw that your concerns, as UofL .Purpose; government's number one ministers. When we were students, are raised. The tfbring is a research priority, he wasn't joking. working on the presentation Students' Union has a very Iniwrsity ot Calgary, founder ol < iu> It jrkon Bi'oH hie sand Disability DfWc This year has already proven we wanted to recommend to important role in making sure a|«RT8 wheel cirair user effect ed by 1 h.i!idor to be quite exciting and it the committee three things, that the issues faced by appears as if it is only going to they are: a funded tuition students in Lethbridge are f!i(«jght.toyi«.ibytlie{>twlenb'UniviHtnt( UieUniwi'Mtyof'l.etbiiiidjieWaflt^tityCc'aiiuittt^ get better. Bill One will be freeze, a dedicated post- heard in Edmonton and announced on March 3rd and secondary endowment, and Ottawa. Every year you elect students like myself are changes to the Alberta student a new group of student international women's day excited about the possibil­ loan system increasing representatives to push the march 8th at 12:15 ities. No details have been monthly living allowances. envelope and lobby for student union ballroom a released yet, but it appears as Later in January, CAUS change. If you would like to Marcia Black Water if a dedicated post-secondary had the opportunity to meet be a bigger part of what's Kristen Haase featuring university endowment will be part of the with all post-secondary happening, then get involved. Corinne Hepher bill, ensuring that for many of lethbridge Eve Hunter education stakeholders in The election is coming up students Lily Marquez years in Alberta, funding to Megan Milne Edmonton including the once again and I would Melanie Nicol advanced education will be Premier and Advanced encourage you to either run Sophia Purohit Brought to you by the Cindy Wong secured. The details of the Education Minister David for a position, or to learn Women's Studies Faculty Campus Women's Centre and The Studer.ts' Union one-year tuition freeze will Hancock. At this meeting we about each candidate's also be announced and we Thank you to Super Sarr. mistress of ceremonies pushed the same three issues platform and make an Ag Grocery for their Kelly Andres look forwards to seeing what as our top priorities. educated vote. generous Buppoxt the plans are for the new Only a month later the If you have any questions for information call tuition fee policy. loralee edwards Alberta government made about what is happening 329-2221 bring your brown bag lunch and In August of 2004 the announcements to implement provincially, please stop me come enjoy chocolate and refreshments |"5 Council of Alberta University two of the three recom- in the hall or send me an email THE CAMPUS HANGOUT Test Bank Now On-Line Level 3 SUB Did you know that the as what type of questions are Remember that all of the test Open 11 am Daily Students' Union has a Test to be expected. If you are need to be returned by 4:30 THE UNION Full Menu Until 7pm Bank? Thanks to all of the interested in using this free pm everyday. BISTRO & BAR students, and even some service, stop by the Students' The Students' Union is SPECIAL professors, who have donated Union office (SU180). Just pleased to announce that the Soup and Sandwich Special to the Test Bank on a regular ask for a course by series (e.g. Test Bank is now available on­ UIO $6.50 $5.50 Every Day bases. We have old test, BIO 1000) and you can line. You can access the on­ Thursday - All Vegetarian Items assignments, and exams that review the file here in our line Test Bank by going to our Friday - Fish and Chips you can look through. The office. If you would like to web site at www.ulsu.ca and Monday-Steak Sandwhich ICW MENU IMS Test Bank can be used as a photocopy any materials you following the links. If you are Tuesday - Pasta Day Sushi, Onion Rings study aid to help you find what will need to leave your ID card having any problems with our Wednesday - International Day and a great dessert menu professors' test are like as well with the front desk. site, please let us know.

Level3SUB DAILY SPECIALS FOOD BANK Open 11 am Daily HCINON Full Menu Available to 7pm Monday-Jug of Union Draft with Nachos or Wngs for $13 BMRO&BAA Evening Specials, Appetizers, Platters Tuesday- Ginalyzers Mini Jug $10 CLUB COMPETITION Wednesday- Margaritas $3.50 Glass $9 Mini Jug THE CAMPUS HANGOUT Thursday- Happy Hour $2 Drinks from 4pm- dose The Students' Union is ing in the food drive are, looking to increase its stores PANIC, Ultimate Frisbee in the Food Bank and has Club, IVCF, Improv Club, MONDAYS TUESDAYS WEDNESDAYS FRIDAY challenged the campus clubs Apprenticeship for Humanity, to a food drive. Community for Discovering So You Think Open Mic Name That Student This event starts at noon Islam, and the Model United on Monday February 28th Nations Club. If any other You're Funnyl "liV Tune! Application and runs until noon on club wishes to participate, Search tor Lethbridge's Hosted by Hosted by DJ Steve Day Monday, March 7th. All they are still welcome to stop Funniest Amateur Comedian John Greensheilds Clubs have been invited to by the SU office, and pick up participate in the food drive as a collection map. If anyone Audience will vote on their The evening will begin favorite comics who will with a performance by Prizes To Be Won FREE a competition between clubs, would like to donate food on move onto the Semi-Finals John Greenshields and to see who can gather the behalf of a club, they can drop and onto the judges then the stage will be T-Shirts opened to the public PIZZA most food items. We will be it off at the SU office, and Backpacks Get one free slice of pizza with the purchase of one drink meeting in the Atrium on state which club they are 1st Place: $500 Glasses Offer runs from 3pm-5pm donating for. It will included 2nd Place: $250 All genres of music, poetry, Monday, March 7th at noon to improvisation, comedy and 3rd Place: $100 collect and display the food in the final count at the end ot" magic are encouraged. Performers are limited to 3 items gathered by clubs. The the drive. First place winner will also have a chance to open tor Yuk Yuk's at the songs, or 15 minutes per Happy Hour Happy Hour club that gathers the most For more information Blarney Stone performer. food will win a party in the contact Clay Campbell, VP To entei email your name and phone Acts can sign up on a talent Prices Prices Union Bistro and Bar, for Internal Affairs, at 329-5155 number to [email protected] sheet provided at the event their club members. Clubs or via e-mail at su.internal From 3pm to 7pm that are currently participat­ @uleth.ca Next Show Mar 7th at 7pm Next Show Mar 8th at 7 pm Starts at 5 pm A

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