Warren Zevon: "Myride's Here" Danny Gibson
News Fred Barnes Is Finding Security Tightens around PAC Constuction You a Place to Stay Full-time gaurds keep area safe, intruders out Next Fall !by Jacqueline LaDuke by M. Zubair Hossain Unless you have Everyone knows how to climb security guard at the site is the construction site the been sneaking around near over or under a fence, but not a part of the regular Bard whole time. They walk As this year's room draw left hundreds the PAC construction site most people probably don't staff. There are 14 guards on around and make sure no of students in the TBA list, students wondered lately, you probably have not know that doing so could get the regular staff and they one is there and that there what the recent changes had brought them. noticed the newest addition them arrested. Anyone who couldn't afford to lose one per aren't any other safety haz Have the changes been for the better or for the to our campus: a security climbs over the fence at the night to watch the PAC site. ards. They must wear hard worse? Kline discussions were filled with guard monitoring the site at PAC site could be arrested, The current guards at the site hats at all times in case of resentment on the room draw process. night. but it's not likely for a Bard were handpicked and trained falling debris, which in fact, Current sophomores were the ones who suf The first question student to be arrested. If the by Ken Cooper himself. fell on a guard's head one fered most through the process. Unlike the pre everyone probably has is guard at the site catches a When looking for someone to night. Luckily it was some vious years, the the freshmen were happier 'Why?' Upon interviewing Bard student roaming around, man the site, he had to look thing small, and because of than the class above them. The Observer Ken Cooper, Director of the extent of his or her pun for someone that was not the hardhat, he wasn't hurt. found this rather odd, and thus decided to find Security, I was informed that ishment will probably be to only a certified security The guards must check in out for its readers what changes were made in many non-Bard people are have a talk with Cooper and guard, but someone who also with the dispatcher every the room draw process and how they have curious about the building, other members of the admin knew about construction. hour to let them know that affected the accommodation fortune of the stu and come a long way just to istration. But if an outsider One .of the guards, Ray, everything is alright. dents in general. see what it's like. We appre (such as one of the too famil worked at Bard last year So for now, you Previously,after the allocation of guar ciate the interest, but since iar Red Hook high school patrolling traffic going to must stay in your seats and anteed housing to the incoming freshman, the building is not finished kids) is caught, the local Manor and Robbins. Ray enjoy the beauty of the rooms were allocated to the seniors-to-be and yet, the area is 'raw' and a police will be called and it will loves Bard. Performing Arts Center from then the juniors and then lastly to the sopho raw construction site is dan be taken into their hands. I would have liked to the outside. Special permis mores. Given the housing shortage that Bard gerous. There are metal The administration isn't taking have been able to go to the sion can be granted to take a had been facing throughout the years, many poles people could trip on, this lightly. The reason for a site to meet Ray or one of the tour of the site if you want to students, especially sophomores, suffered electrical wires, water, mud, Security guard at the PAC other security guards to see do a project or something through the process. As Fred Barnes said while and other things that people site is because it is a dan,9er how it is to work on the site, related. However, because talking to this correspondent, 'It was incredibly could hurt themselves on, ous place where people (and but unfortunately I wasn't of the danger of walking stressful. ..and crazy time ... for the sopho especially at night in the dark, animals such as all of the able to. But, fortunately, I around in the site, the tours mores... and we ended up having a lot of sh.1- when most curious people wild cats that roam around had Cooper give me a brief must be escorted and due to dents moving off-campus who should have come to explore the site. north campus!) could easily description of what the the lack of staff, the tours are stayed on campus to be better students ... And There is fencing around the injure themselves, especially guards do. They work from rare. But if you would like to also they had to spend the summer thinking site, but the purpose it serves at night. 6pm - 6am (although I don't try to get in and see the site, about where they are going to be ... when they is more a warning than to The second ques think that one guard works a contact Ken Cooper in the should have been thinking about more impor actually keep people out. tion is probably "Who?' The 12 hour shift), and they patrol Old Gym. tant things and getting ready to moderate.' Thus, the previous room draw process did not do much justice to the sophomores who were ~~-- expected to moderate once they returned to August 1999 school after summer. Sophomore year has ~0~0,0 always been a difficult year for Bard students, with no guarantee of getting housing, and the • <\. s intense pressure of moderation. President April 2003 "\,\ov Leon Botstein felt intrigued by this state of s\-t~ affairs in the room draw process and thus $52 million decided to make guaranteed housing available co◊ to the sophomores in order to release this extra 2 105,000 sq. feet burden in this difficult year of their stay in Bard. Such has been the major change in the room draw process this year and it has been a diffi cult one to implement. In a conversation with 400-1000 flexible seating w/ 800 standard this correspondent, Fred Barnes said, 'Basically I sat down and went through every room on campus where people live currently, and how it Giving you a name to drop when you leave. worked out with juniors, '------...... seniors, freshmen and sopho mores, and then I took blocks of rooms and assigned them to juniors, sophomores and fresh men, and hence when you got the housing information pack March 2000 I ---- Constructionstarted age it was marked with either blue or pink. That was the only November 2002 t---- Projected Finish way in which we could distin guish what the rooms are for. So by doing that we were able to cut back on the number of ---Size people on the to-be- announced (TBA)list...And I have rooms that I keep out of room draw 20,000 cars/day - - - Capacity . ..continued on page 5 Re--enforceingroad, k - What They're Doing strengthening barriers.
P/a,ygroundEquipment? yup. <'.
Rumors that the mud pit behind the Camps Center is the future site of new ·m-l·/ ~ ~~-'°""I __, \.·. • ..._ ..·,···-.. .(;I I Ravine houses are incorrect. The mud will make way for a new Campus Center parking lot with 15- ui~Ul..-e ,h, ! --0., !\"'KT·< r ,r·, minute spaces. In accordance with Bard's hard on for footpaths, what once Vf\\,v was Ravine Road will be a trail behind the new toasters. Next to the cul-de-sac parking area at the back entrance of the '~ \i.·r•"J~ Campus Center will be Bard's own playground. Q.. ···-··----'+ A swing set, a gift from a previous graduating class, has recently been .., assembled. Horseshoe pits will be moved next to the swing and a tetherball set t:J"' C) is on order for placement there, as well. Also planned is a patch for 4-Square t,::I and picnic tables. ~... When all is said and done, the mud will turn to grass and the current p.. . ;:"' •• -c - \I '~, ,, -· .., li!II~ . : ,,,,;.. Campus Center driveway and unofficial parking lot will be strictly for delivery 0 ,_,,;;,,,,,~ ~> , I·, ll(~,:,.::? ,, trucks. Unauthorized vehicles will be ticketed. a' {II The hope is to get construction finished by commencement weekend, C) ·.c•-"_.., ·' --:.r<'!fh-"' ...... d- &e~:--¾( .w-~ ~~,. but 'I was told not told hold your breath,' said Alan Josey. ...C)◄
May 17,2002 Ne\vs J\nIntimate Portrait of Our Bangladeshi Classmates How a group of students from across the globe have come to rock your world. !by Jacob Cottingham ~------' I Reazur says what struck him. was that people thing through which you grow yourself. You Before I came to Bard, I knew precious little about in America were so orderly, "they usually form learn so much from helping other people ... The opportunity is there and it's so easy, peo Bangladesh, other than a rough idea of it's location and a concert a line to get something, whereas in for the country that George Harrison did in the seventies. As the Bangladesh there would just be a crowd." ple should utilize it." Reazur was on the SLC years went by it seemed I was meeting more and more students Because there is more order in work and most last semester and next semester will be from Bangladesh, and often they were very active in the campus other things, Reazur said it's easier here to Secretary of Central Committee and Mehnaz community. I began to wonder how a person ends up coming to get something done by yourself. Mehnaz said is Chair of the SJB, on the EPC, is Vice this school from across the globe, and perhaps why there seemed that the culture in regards to elders and class President of ISO, Secretary of the Economics to be a proportionally large number of students from Bangladesh. room situations is more formal in Bangladesh. Club, and a PC. She says that making the I talked with Mehnaz Rabbini, lmran Ahmed, Reazur Rahman, and She also feels "that as a woman, there is most of the experience here is important, and Hasan Faruq about life in Bangladesh and America, particularly at more freedom in America,' saying that the that includes "taking something back and giv Bard. restrictions in Bangladesh were mostly cultural ing as much as we can." With about 15 students at Bard from Bangladesh, it is the or social rather than political. While she does One of the ways that the Bangladeshis have country with the single highest representation of international stu n't feel these are "necessarily bad, there is a been able to integrate an element of their cul dents. Bangladesh is located north of India and beside the Bay of big difference." She also thought that in ture within the larger context of the Bard com Bengal in Southeast Asia, a 22 hour direct flight from America. America people tended to get more caught up munity has been through clubs. Of these, the Established in 1971, it is a country whose flat terrain is streaked with rivers that provide a fertile land which sustains the primarily agricultural economy. Nearly all of the students from Bangladesh are at Bard to .....,Bangladesh study in the fields of math, science or economics, and the majority are supported financially through the Levy and Distinguished Scientist scholarships. All of them have come from English Religion: 85% Muslim Medium schools in Dhaka, the capital of Bangladesh, where /~ 14% Hindu English is taught concurrently with Bangla from the beginning of Learn <( the schooling career. Because of student and government poli tics in Bangladesh, the continuity of an education in Bangladesh is often broken up. For example, a degree may take a year · Capital: Dhaka Language: lo119erto obtain due to strikes or unavailability of classes. Bangla Additionally, many US schools, particularly Liberal Arts colleges, give scholarships whose monetary value is hard to match at a Bangladeshi university. Mehnaz said that because Bangladesh is Ch so densely populated, only about one in ten high school gradu System of ates can get a higher education at a private, Bangladeshi universi Gov't: ty. Reazur added that he wanted a chance to <;losomething research oriented at the beginning of his college career, an oppor Co nstituti o na I tunity that would not be available so easily in Bangladesh. Parliamentary Most of the students at Bard knew at least a couple other Democracy Bangladeshis here before they came. lmran Ahmed and Hasan Faruq, both seniors, have known each other since the 4th grade. Reazur, a sophomore, and Mehnaz, a junior, both knew lmran and several other students casually. While knowing others here isn't a determining factor in whether or Ruled by: students come to Bard, it certainly seems not = · Mirii~tP.r ...... "1. more prominent in applications from the relatively few good Khaleda Zia --..J,-• English Medium Schools in Bangladesh. Mehnaz said that she miles knew many people in her high school that applied to Bard. Additionally, as none of the students I spoke with had been to the Established: US prior to beginning college, the presence of other students with a similar background eased the transition into a new cul- March 26,1971 ture. Reazur said since he knew lmran and Rahul Chowdury were both here, he knew he could make the adjustment. Mehnaz also mentioned that after she arrived she 'never had adjustment in the importance of their work and pace of Cricket Club figures prominently. Despite their Reazur problems just because everyone here is so friendly." many positions in Student government, both life. Rahman Now that he has been here for two years, Reazur·knows all the Another major difference Reazur sees lmran and Hasan said that their experience other Bangladeshis and says, "it's a very good community. between American and Bangladeshi life is in with the Cricket Club has been the most per Everybody's in touch with each other and hang out a lot...they are family values. He says that here, people do sonally rewarding. Saying "Cricket is in the a nice, friendly group." The other Bangladeshis very much ease not seem to stick up for their family as much blood of all South Asians," they described how the homesickness of the younger students, both Reazur and or support each other as strongly. He went on one of the smaller selling points of Bard when Mehnaz said. It is the little things, such as having someone who to say that "Bangladesh is a small country they were applying was a picture in a pam speaks the same native language, or misses the same foods, with a lot of people, but that the people do phlet depicting a Cricket team. However, that bring the Bangladeshis together as more than just fellow care about each other, and I guess we have when they arrived, it turned out that the students. For example, Reazur said that lmran, 'the best cook been able to present that image to Bard." Cricket team no longer existed. As Hasan ever,' taught him how to cook last summer. Mehnaz said that Yet, nearly all of the Bangladeshis I spoke explained, 'We had a vision we would form a lmran when she first came here lmran took her under his wing, talking with said that the opportunity to get to meet so team we'd play a game against another team Ahmed with her and introducing others to her as she adjusted those first .many diverse people was one of the things and beat the team." Over their four years at couple weeks. She thinks that Bangladeshis specifically bring a they most liked about life in the US. "For Bard, helped in no small part by the influx of strong sense of community from home. Although this is made example," lmran said, "my first roommate was more Bangladeshis, lmran and Hasan were easier due to the larger numbers of Bangladeshis at Bard, she a homosexual. That was the first homosexual able to this year field enough people to make believes that the sense of community would still be as strong were I met in my whole entire life." He said in a team. This has been the impetus underlying they fewer. lmran commented that it is not just the Bangladeshis Bangladesh, "I could never the fun of the games played outside the cam who make the college imagine meeting a person from pus center. This Spring when the team drove more comfortable, "Bangladesh is a small coun Estonia and becoming very down to Brooklyn and beat another team, saw saying "We came from good friends with them." the culmination of years of work, combined a different culture and try with a lot of people, but Reazur said, "meeting a lot of with the pressures of providing success at the are new to this one. people from different cultures exact moment. "We both had one last This one isn't going to that the people do care about has been the best part, espe moment to fulfill that dream." Hasan said. change for us, so you cially the music of different cul When they did, it was an experience whose have to adjust and each other, and I guess we tures." success was close to their hearts and made adapt. At Bard this is As a way of exploring and inter Hasan, "Personally, quite satisfied." much easier." have been able to present that acting with such diversity, many As for their future, all the students expressed The cultural differ of the Bangladeshis are very a desire to pursue Master's Degrees in the ences between their image to Bard." active in school extracurricu US. Mehnaz says after that she will most like homeland and the US lars, especially in student gov ly go back to Bangladesh and try to use her that struck several ernm·ent. This is partly due to education to help those in her country through Bangladeshis also the extraordinary opportunity they see in possibly an NGO. The others said they would tends to highlight the differences between communities. The main learning and experiencing from those endeav try to get some job experience here. lmran difference lmran sees between life in the US and life in ors that would not be available in Bangladesh. says that he feels he belongs to Bangladesh, ...; Bangladesh is the complexity here as orposed to the life in As well, Hasan says, the desire to 'how we and would like to r_eturnthere after some time g' Bangladesh. Saying that in his country, "life is much simpler. You can contribute and see what we can learn" is working in the States and Reazur feels similar t:r:I don't have as many rules with driving cars." Adding that although what prompts many of the students to partici inclinations to return and help influence his ~ Bard is more relaxed than most of the US, it still pales to life in pate in extracurriculars. In fact, they generally country 'at some point definitely." Hasan is f:l. Bangladesh where, "People enjoy their lives. They sing a lot." view the lack of participation in student gov more open-ended about his future plans, say- , O Part of that simplicity may come from the more homogeneous cul ernment with reproach. "I think it's sad," said ing he doesn't know where he will end up. g' ture of the people in Bangladesh. Because most of the population lmran, "The students here have an amazing ~ ...... " is of the same ethnicity and religion, where 85 percent are opportunity at Bard to get involved in some- -~... Muslim, complexities of race and diversity are not so pronounced. -- News
Renaissance? hell, I thought you said mushrooms... jby Jacob Cottingham
This past April 27. marked the occasion of the 11th Annual station attendant and a motorcyclist with a mustache guid Beltane Renaissance Faire, which in its own way is a sight to ed us to the Center. We had not seen a single sign yet and -r behold. I had seen signs posted somewhere in Red Hook the vague, openness of the word Renaissance began to during Spring Break advertising for "jugglers, clowns, drag make us wonder. We joked, "they're probably at least a l ons, vendors' and some other such ideas conjuring up the friendly cult.' Medieval Times. Later, I got an email about it and saw However, we were soon greeted by a handmade another sign announcing the day of the event. sign and two cop cars directing traffic up a small road. It I thought there would surely be some knights and was respectable looking. But any reassurances that provid wizards, at least someone with bells on the toes of their ed were soon negated when we approached the cashier shoes. I gathered some friends and my little brother to roadblock further up the road. There, a 16-or-so year old make the trek down around New Paltz under these pretens hesitantly told us the price - $7 per person over nineteen, es and search for adventure. plus parking. Thankfully, we had with us one under-19 and As we drove further away from more metropolitan one willing to lie about it in order to get $5 tickets. Then areas like Kingston, we became wary of the fact that the the cashier told us that if we worked afterwards we could "Faire' was being held at The get in for 1/2 off or something. I asked her what Center for Symbolic - kind of work and she managed to mum Studies, a name ble something about "clean up' , without being too specific ut the chores. We lined and pulled into rein field with probably 65 ter ther cars. Oh good, pre- we noticed, families. As we walked from our parked car to the There were several long beards and New Age ponytails. Run 'Faire' entrance, we of the mill families intermixed with guys wearing masks noticed the peculiar cross made out of feathers. We got inside the area cordoned off hiero section of America that for the Faire, and immediately found ourselves directly in glyphics and made up the crowd. It was obvi front of a booth advocating the legalization of pot. It was comets. We got to ous that there weren't going to be quickly obvious by the scent that the crowd was in agree New Paltz, then a local any jousting matches. A group of 14-15 mom directed us to Tillson, the year old rural/Goth looking girls in black moped by a ment. Things got weirder when we saw the band playing. small town where the festival was. There, a confused gas middle aged woman dressed nicely talking on a cell phone. Let's just say they didn't have keyboards in the Middle Ages. It wasa conglomera tion of several graying men and women playing about any instrument you could fit in a band. They had several huge, flu • •• . orescent, tie-dye tapestries in the back ~.... ground and plants on stage. They were playing some groovy kind of jam up the scales and the crowd was absorbing it. One gender-neutral looking person was dancing in front of the stage with a tod dler thrown upside down over the back. L The kid seemed to be loving it, and the she/him fellow seemed to be enjoying . :\, - the dance as well, throwing out one arm, 4 .•~,\ !""-»· ~d3 jumping forward from foot to foot. Some guy•lf\ ~Ide \eatheti,BlttS and a strings-across-the-front peasant shirt couldn't stop bobbing his head. ·.:.:.· . ~-·· ... Next to us was a guy dressed in green FE whose dance was pretty much a perpetu al "shake it all about" from the Hokey Pokey. There were lots of capes, some corsets, and several kids dressed up as knavish Little Prince's; specifically, the inspiration seemed to come from the book of the same name written by that French guy. Another person, in a creepy elongated mask, danced out into the crowd on stilts and later bounced up and down on the stilts to some pseudo-hip hop cranked out by the band. This got us moving away from the crowd and band toward a campfire. On the way we passed a dad juggling for no one in par ticular, and a sign taped to a huge rock· that said 'Respect Stone." It was inter esting because the stone was in some sort of primitive looking sundial forma tion. We kept walking down a little path that led to a field behind the hill. On our way there, some girl who honestly looked 15, asked me if I had any mushrooms or knew anyone who did. Friends, I tell you truthfully: I did not and I told her so. Right as she fled back to a cluster of her own friends, it was pointed out to me that a man in an orange shirt was apparently able to find some mushrooms of his own. The festivities on this side of the hill were centered around an intricate May Pole that occupied about 20 strands, and was woven together by people who had done this before. The combination of precise dance movements and weaving were pret ty conducive to the pan flute, lute, and -i ;., drum music that merrily played beside them. This represented probably the only t:r" n "Renaissance' activity at the festival. t:,;:i There was also a woman on a trapeze e: who was talking to some small children. i:i,. We walked over and she obliged us with a 0 er n(I) continued on next '1 page ... n< '1
May 17,2002 David Shein To Be Stand-In Dean Eyes too tired to read? What you need, comrade, are ... of Students jby M. Zubair Hossain I @!fJ!JJO!M®~!Lll!M® !fJO©lf{!/JffeJ~@U As the Dean of Students Erin Cannan steps away from the college on maternity Spring Fling happened; bands played; there were bouncy toys to jump on leave for Fall 2002, David Shein, Director and a climbing wall to boot. The BBQ generated quite a line. This confused of Academic Service, takes up her posi tion as Acting Dean of Students for the some people and made others ~lain hungry. semester. The Observer recently went down to Shein's office to find out how he felt about the transition. After a little harmless introduction it was time for us to get serious and get on with the inter view. Correspondent (C ): How do you feel about being appointed as the acting Dean of Students? David Shein (OS): Acting Dean of Students ... It's just for the Fall semester ... I'm excited. It's going to be exciting, interesting and I'm looking forward to ...sort of being involved in Bard in a different way. C: Why do you think that you were selected for the position? OS: (After a long and hearty laugh) I don't know. (still laughing hard) Ask Cannan. Well, lot of the work that I've been doing as the Direcfor of Academic Services over the last three years have required me to work closely with Erin Cannan and the other Deans of Students- following upon student concerns, working with students to make sure that they are doing well both academically and non-academically ...socially, emotionally, psycho -~"'~,h'.i logically and all other ways. And all this work that I've been doing makes -~\- t"- me fit into the socks ... that the Dean of Students is dealing with. The cur rent Deans of Students are all awfully busy doing their important things Fred Barnes, Assistant Dean of Students, Director of Residence Life, John '.:<'1;~ Kelly, Associate Dean of Students, Dean of First Year Students, and Jen Jimenez, Assistant Dean of Student, Director of Multicultural Affairs ... and I think it seemed that, in a sense, it would be easier to shift me over and find help here in Academic Services than it would be to shift one of those guys over. C: Is that all? OS: Hmm ...l'm devilishly good looking ...(with a hearty laugh) I think that apparently Erin and others have the confidence that I could do the job. I thank them for their confidence. C: Do you plan on making any changes next semester in the way the Dean of Students Office works? OS: No. My job is strictly to keep the ship afloat: it's the responsibility of an Acting Dean of Students while Erin is home with her family. My goal is to work with various offices and people in the student services and to help them do their job ... and help them all have a good experience here. C: Do you think that it would be difficult for you to bridge the gap between the work you do at Academic services and the work you will be doing at the Dean of Students Office? OS: The job there will be a lot different. Here, I do a lot of work with the . students on papers at Academic Services and the classes that they take. The interaction from there would be different...certainly a lot of the details would be different. The primary similarity is that both the Dean of Students and I, the Director of Academic Services, are here to help students suc ceed ...and I'll just help them succeed. That's basically it.
show of her trapeze skills. It was probably the first time I've ever seen an extended trapeze routine before, so it was mildly impressive Bard Student Awarded Fellows due to that alone. However, the tricks consisted mostly of just spin ning around the hanging bar and not falling off. Watching with us Nearly 1000 students from 60 private liberal arts colleges and universities was a man in a purplish mask in the shape of butterfly wings. He applied for the highly competitive Thomas J. Watson Fellowship. The Watson Fellowship was taking photos of the Trapeze art~st and talking with her on a first awards $22,000 for recipients to travel and study abroad. The only stipulations are that name basis. Then he turned to us and said the reason she couldn't the student must visit countries that they have never visited before, and that they do any other tricks was because this was a standing trapeze and not should not return to the United States for at least 365 days. Miya Buxton, an Asian Art a flying trapeze. Before we could even begin to feel ignorant, he History major and recent graduate of Bard, was one of sixty students awarded the pres motioned in the distance where there stood a large cage enclosing a tigious fellowship this year. genuine flying trapeze. Miya plans to travel to Benin, Cambodia, China, Japan, Laos, Malaysia, As we wete heading back up the hill, we ran into a bar Thailand, and Vietnam. Once there, she will study the domestic and sacred architecture tender some of us were friendly with. We chuckled with him and his of those countries as part of her independent research project titled "Of Home, Body friends a bit about the strangeness of the event and he mentioned and Landscape: An Exploration in Architecture." he had been to it before. He then added, 'Wait till the sun goes Bard was only recently added to the list of institutions that can apply for the down, and the kids go home, things really get crazy at the midnight Watson Fellowship. Every year the college will have an initial selection process and then fire.' I asked what kind of place was this Center for Symbolic Studies. nominate a maximum of four students for the Fellowship. Suddenly, the bartender and his pals became hesitant and clueless, 'what, is that where we are?' and 'Oh, uh, I have no idea what they do,' etc. We mentioned the trapeze. Apparently, you can take flying trapeze lessons at the place, he told us. Then he asked if we were { - byDumaine Williams - } tripping. Caught a bit off guard, we told him no. He said he was. We chitchatted a bit more and then went up the hill. · The sun was beginning to sink and a woman on stage was urging Barnes ...continued from page 2 us to 'stay con every year because there's always special circumstances that come up for which I've to get scious.' We some special accommodation ready." ambled out past When asked about the TBA list and what the college intends to do with it, Fred a table serving Barnes reassured, "What we have effectively done is basically have only a couple of people food with a from each group ...from the· pink and blue group ... on the TBA list and I'm going to start plac homemade sign ing those people into rooms starting next week sot there'll be very few people that will not that read "Ed's know where they will live when they leave for summer. If not everyone most people are Veggie Deli.' I going to get rooms." ., was practically The new room draw procedure has also contributed in cutting down the number of tr waiting for some students who intend to live off campus but partake in the room draw. A new policy one to invite me "tl:1 requires students to declare before hand whether they intend to live on campus or off cam ~ to hear some pus. Students who sign-up for a room and decide to give it up after the deadline will be ,; talk afterwards, 11- charged a fine $500. and all of us 0 And if you ask Fred Barnes whether the room draw changes have been for the bet a' were pretty ter or for the worse, he would definitely say that they have been for the better. "' much full on the ~" experience. ,;" May q, 2002 ;,,::f
:::~:>.s: much mo~e ab~o~'f't;:,:;t~·:;·;i~~xb•:~:~:: r;~~lly IH~;:tthI;··;;;~vie and I t. Holl wood Endin don't want to give any secrets away, or at least more than I already ;;,··· ·::{:~::: -::::}:::):":)::::=: have. I hate when people tell me what happens near the end of a film.} I'm not that familiar with Allen's work, although I do remember the new Woody Allen film kicks some _Erse :, this one Allen film that I was watching when I was younger. I think . •::::::: =~-~:,w,-;•·•/·::~~-.,.,;.P ->...::r.':::J::;::{:::::::::::::::::::::::::.....___ . ,;:::i: ··< -:❖- .. either it was on television or my parents were watching it on videotape. t i:to women because there are no I think it was about rich people and they were having a lot of sex, so I ·· by Michael Morini · T likable males in this film. Unless --~-~------think that made me ,. . ..,.,i,,,,,,,., ,,,,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,❖,,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,." ,,,,,,,.,,,,,,,,,,❖••"'•''',.,.,.,.,.,.".,. ..,,, /i~\;of course, you find Treat uncomfortable and ,,,THE NEW WOODYALLEN FILM, "HOLLYWOODENDING," I)li)Williams, star of the "Substitute" left the room shortly was a laugh riot. This movie sure was fun to watch. \i"f)films, who plays Hal, a hunk). '''with an all star cast featuring Woody Allen, Tea Leoni, rwhhere is the hot, sophisticated the start of the and Treat Williams this film gives non-stop laughs. r' Iproducer played by Tea Leoni It is about a film director named Val who hasn't had t· .?and the hot bimbo who thinks n and Howard a hit in ten years, played by Woody Allen (duh), who can't f .,.'.::ishe'san actress who chooses to I agreed that it seem to keep a job without quitting or getting fired. He {] #wear really tight and revealing e of his best in years. Hey, stumbles on a film in the works that is perfect for him to I) ''}clothing, played by Debra· direct, and being as it's produced by his ex-wife he lands ,,, "Messing. Tea Leoni just has the hell knows, but give it the Mike Morini the job. Unfortunately, right before the start of filming, those great eyes. I won't tell you Val becomes psychosomatically blind. The rest of the of approval, and film is Allen pretending he is not blind, walking into ain't half bad. things and falling off things. And if this doesn't toot your fancy, the women surely will (granted, you are attracted .
The X- by jedidiah clarke
MOST limber fingers (Rob WHEN I WAS ELEVEN AND Goblin, he was so funny. His Swift, Total Eclipse, Roe TWELVE years old, I spent my mask was a fixed grin, so whenev Raida, and Mista Sinista) summers at a day camp in er he would talk he would look like came together and put Riverdale, New York. Before long, he was smiling at you no matter together an album of music I made friends with two guys that what he said. There where some they would like you to hear were into superheroes and they great scenes full of drama where very much if you're interest showed me this magazine about Mr. Osbourne would talk to him ed. It's a solid album, a comic books called "Wizard.' self. In one such scene, he used state of the union of sorts, Through that magazine, we the mirror as a scene partner, and for the hip-hop DJ culture. learned of rumors of a possible in the other that crazy mask was The tracks range from bang Spider-Man movie. I can recall his scene partner. ing hip-hop tracks to battle being so excited when I heard Toby Maguire was great as tracks and even a taste of this. I can also recall becoming so Peter Parker. When he became rap/rock. morose when I realized that the Spider-Man he was frequently The album flows movie would be released years replaced with computer graphics well from beginning to end later than I hoped, during a time and I found that beth disappointing and the scratches and jug when I would be a larger, more and disturbing. It made me mad s gles are tip top, as expect troubled version of my prepubes- · when Peter Parl<.ergo\ bi\ by the ed, although anything less cent self. After I got over that, I radioactive spider on a class trip. would be a disappointment. promised myself that I would see In the comic, he was experiment The tracks with MC's are the Spider-Man movie as soon as ing with spiders in his house. I definitely the highlights of it came out. think the idea of him experiment the album. 'XL' feat. Large When I saw the movie it was ing with spiders and radioactivity Professor and 'The X' feat. exactly what I expected. It made in his room made him seem more Pharaoh Monche, Xzibit, me laugh very hard. I paid four like a wacko nerd. Another thing I lnspectah Deck, and Skillz dollars to see it, and that was the found disappointing was how are both sensational. The right price. There is something Peter Parker had webbing corning gold star however goes to about putting a comic book story out of his hands. In the comic 'Genius of Love 2002' feat. on the big screen that is inherently book, he invented web fluid and torn torn club and Biz funny. Even the movie 'Batman,' designed web-shooters. When he Markie, it's got that catchy which is my favorite comic book had the web-shooters, that added beat that got used in the movie, is so funny. I love the a whole new level of drama Mariah Carey/ ODB track scene where the Joker goes to a because you never knew when he 'Fantasy,' with Biz Markie museum and does graffiti on the would run out of webbing. Also, just being himself. paintings. And of course, you the great thing about Spider-man's The weak spot on know that scene where the Joker black suit was that the webbing the album is definitely the shoots Bob. Anybody who quotes actually came from the suit, and collaboration with Linkin movies or television shows could not from web-shooters because Park. Rap/rock is a genre quote that for you. the suit was actually an alien that of music that has definitely In Spiderrnan, I loved how loved Spider-man. helped further the reputation the Macho Man Randy Savage Kirstin Dunst also did a pretty of the DJ in pop culture, but was in the movie as the wrestler good job as Mary Jane, but her it all sort of sounds the named 'Bone-saw.• My favorite performance was upstaged by the same; and this track is no actor in the film was William large amount of ladies that hate exception. So far as the Dafoe. He had the most interest- her guts. On the car ride back straight up turntable tracks ing charac from the theatre, I was with these go, they're super tight, but ter develop ladies who could not stop talking they don't push the enve ment by far. about whether her breasts where lope at all.- It's the same At first he real, false, or covered in some sort crazy 4-8 table programs was just Mr. of padding. In my head, I told that have been popping up Osbourne, them to create lives for them at DMC competitions and on head of this selves. Whatever. I think the char compilations like 'Deeper corporation acter of Mary Jane should have Concentrations' and 'Return that invent been replaced by this girl named of the DJ' for a while. ed gadgets Gwen Stacey. Gwen Stacey was If you need a good which made this girl in the comic book that dose of sick scratching and it easier to Peter Parker liked before Mary funky beats than give this a kill people Jane. She died in the comic try, but if you've got all of and gave cause she fell off a bridge. She this covered with your own them to the should have been in the movie ,.; collection then pick up Army. and died there too. That would IJ"' something else, but don't Then,an have made it more exciting. n totally miss this, that would invention he Because people want money, the tg be a shame. was working ending of the movie left more than ~ on made enough room for a sequel. I i:l,. him go would like to see the super-villain 0 er crazy and Venom, but before that they could Illn he became do a whole movie about the '1 < the Goblin. Secret Wars. The possibilities are n As the endless. '1
May 17,2002 S'.:::r•:- Warren Zevon: "MyRide's Here" danny gibson
ON THE OFF-CHANCEthat you know who Warren Zevon is, allow me to announce the ey star who excells more at arrival of his latest album, My Ride's Here. On the greater offf-chance you both know fighting than at scoring. No who Warren Zevon is and care about Warren Zevon, I shall now offer a song-by-song competent review of this album review of this unique 10-track bible of wistful, eccentric folk-pop. This article was going would fail to point out that to be about why everyone ought to be totally into th'WZ, but, because the number of none other than DAVID LETTER people who adopt new opinions on music after reading record· reviews is zero, I will pro MANprovides the backing vide this list merely as fodder for those who are already converted. Remember, Mr. vocals on the chorus, continu Zevon has been pumpin' out the oots since before you were born; you cannot touch ing Zevon's longstanding tradi th'WZ. His new songs are as follows: tion of famous guest-artists. 1. "Sacraficial Lambs" WZ rox. An upbeat, upset romp about....something or other. It 7. "Genius" My pick for best mentions Saddam Hussein, if that's any indication of rts tone. song on the album, this brood 2. "Basket Case" Before you ask, this is NOT a Green Day cover. This is another rocker, ing, melodic feast displays but much more specific lyrically, lamenting some woman who done him wrong. Zevon's talent for weaving a 3. "Lord Byron's Luggage" real mood with carefully-chosen is a pretty great song. He words which create a subtly keeps singin' about how This article was going to be about fierce and bitter undertone. he's "still looking for why everyone ought to be totally Wowza. Them girls pain the old Fi love." More of that vin- salt good. tage Zevon desperation into th'WZ, but, because the 8. "Laissez-Moi Tranquille" here. Having mastered singing in 4. "MacGillycuddy's number of people who adopt new Spanish and Hawaiian on previ- ~------~ Reeks" This is a nice little • . . fi d' ous albums, WZ expands further into exoticism for a song without any English words rousing number with a op1n1ons On mUSlCa ter rea tng whatsoever, only French singing. This song is musically very silly and lyrically even sillier. very Irish jig-like sou~d in record reviews is zero I will pro- Classic WZ!! It, except most lnsh Jigs ' 9. "I Have to Leave" Zevon's cover tracks are always well-chosen, and this song Is no don't mention the NAS- vide this list merely as fodder for exception. The lyrics to this song feature his famous icon, "Old Velvet Nose" (a cigarette DAQ. In a similar spirit to smoking skull which has been printed in the liner notes of almost every one of his fan fav Mr. Bad Example, . those who are already converted. albums). It is an emblem has come to symbolize Zevon's commitment towards peculiari this is the sea shanty of ty and irony, a lyrical thread which unites all of his material. As WZ himself puts it, "It's the album. Supergood. hard to get too pompous when your trademark is a skull wearing your glasses!" 5. "You're a Whole Different Person When You're Scared" Most WZ albums have that one 10."My Ride's Here" This track comes as a bit of a surprise, being song title that's way longer than all the others (I was in the House when the House an upbeat, fun song, inasmuch as the closing number of every WZ album for the past Burned Down, Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead) and this album is no excep decade or so has been a touching ballad. I think this song might be about death or tion. This is sort of a dark, ominous anthem for the other Warren Zevon (the one nobcdy something. I'm into it. talks about). This song was co-written with author Hunter S. Thompson and features vocals exqusitely low in Mr. Zevon's range. And if you can expect nothing else from this festering garbage heap of a world, at least 6. "Hit Somebody (The Hockey Song)" It's no accident that the weightiest song on the there is a fucking Warren Zevon. album is followed by the most lighttiearted. This is a story-song about a would-be hock-
Wait. .. who is Bird__ of Prey?_____,;______;.______
7 ROCKSTARS DON'T GROW ON TREES,they're born in During 1971, Bird of Prey was determined to hit it big. his arms, and replace a Pittsburgh. Die Van Rock, Steve Goodlicks, Tommy They practiced incessantly, and began playing small sh·ows portion of his spine Groove-Deep, and Traps McGee comprise the band other throughout the Pittsburgh area. In some areas they were with synthetic materi wise known as "Bird of Prey." Conquering campus with a known as "The Jew Crew" which they didn't appreciate. At al. In one swift blow, blitz of rock'n roll magic, no one seems to know where this point they changed their names, in turn rejecting their Bird of Prey was no they've come from, or how long they'll stay. All we've known Jewish roots and rising to the status of local heroes. more. until now is that they're on a musical crusade, and the con In January of 1972, under their new names, the band The band used the version rate is alarming. They've been rolling over other released their debut album, "Boiling Point". Because the money they had made to bands like a Sherman tank refusing to stop until they've band's label was small and relatively obscure, only 250 help their friend, leaving reached the top ...again. These four men once climbed the albums were released. In February of 1972, Bird of Prey them broke and unemployed. perilous face of Mt. Rock, the same peak that has claimed was at the top of the Pittsburgh scene, "Boiling Point had They sent Traps to Le Montreaux, a so many talented lives. With the summit in view, they basted reached number 186 on the Billboard Music charts, and progressive Swiss institute where he would spend the next in the sweet, wetness of fame and fortune, only to tumble their popularity was increasing. As their following grew in thirty years undergoing intense physical therapy. Forced to and crash to the bottom, drying out over the next thirty Pittsburgh, and the U.S., it grew internationally as well, par- learn how to survive without the use of his arms, he eventu- years. ,.;-t1ally began playing drums again, with two pros The neutron bomb of the baby boom, thetic limbs. The other three band members Pennsylvania grew three stars richer in the 1950's. parted, and went their separate ways. Richard Furnbaum (Also known as Die Van Rock), Travis ;;;;2, Die Van Rock joined the air force and did Levine (Also known as Traps McGee), and Thomas two tours of Vietnam as a fighter pilot. His sec Drexler (Also known as Tommy Groove-Deep), were all ond tour was cut short by the withdrawal of U.S. born and grew up together in a Jewish Neighborhood in forces at which time he moved to Tampa, FL, Pittsburgh. Although the boys tried to stay out of trou and became a full-time paintball instructor. ble they were not without a few scrapes with the law. Steve Goodlicks rejected society and went on a Richard was especially as well known for his wild and pilgrimage to Tibet. He studied under Buddhist erratic behavior. He began to develop a life long rela monks to learn the art of Tibetan music with the tionship with his first love, alcohol. goal of attaining spiritual unity. In 1970, a new chapter of the boys' lives opened Tommy Groove-Deep went out west to California up as they met their future partner, Steven Goldstein and became a Hell's Angel. In and out of rehab (Also known as Steve Goodlicks). Steven had grown up treatment for a crystal-meth addiction he even on an army base in Detroit. His father was a green tually became the owner of a seedy bar in San beret, and taught his son the art of hand-to-hand com Francisco. bat. Steven was also a weapons specialist, but came to They would not meet again until January Pittsburgh to pursue other endeavors. A self-taught guitarist ticularly in Germany where rumors about Die Van Rock were 2002 when Traps finally left Le Montreaux. With some diffi he arrived in Pittsburgh with only the clothes on his back circulating. Word had spread that he was a Duke from culty he managed.to locate the other three members of the and a pearl white Fender Stratocaster. Steven moved into Stuttgart, which had spurred nationalist pride, sky rocketing band. Able to play drums again after thirty years of practice, the same neighborhood as Richard, Travis, and Thomas, their album to number three on the German charts. With he was able to contact and convince the other band mem where he immediately fell in with the boys. their success on the rise, and a bright future ahead, the bers to meet again in Pittsburgh. After spending some time It wasn't long until they all began playing music together. band wasn't ready for the tragic events looming in the together, the band decided to give it another shot. Like a Richard stole a bass and drum set from a pawn shop. When future. phoenix from the ashes, Bird of Prey was reborn. They asked in an interview with "Rolling Stone" magazine about In April of 1972, Traps McGee was in a severe automo embarked on a northeastern tour trying to raise money play how the band started the story came up. Richard said, "It bile accident. On his way home from practice, his car was ing anywhere they could. They signed a limited engagement was 1970, I knew I was gonna be a rock star, and there was struck by a school bus. Traps was rushed to the hospital but with the Bard entertainment committee, and have played only a brick and an eight-of-an-inch of glass between me and had suffered serious injuries. He had multiple fractures in two venues to date. Bringing back hits like "Call Me Bad," -I t:,"" stardom.' Richard brought the instruments to the group so both of his arms, a cracked sternum, three broken ribs, and and the infamous "Power Ballad," has initiated an enormous n they could bnng their music to the people. Thomas picked a broken t1ack. He received 172 internal and external stitch response as students rush out to find their only album. anx t,:i ~ up the bass, and Travis began playing the drums. A natural, es in his arms and back to hold in the metal pins that were iously awaiting their next one. After their re-emergence, who '1 Richard found himself at center stage. By taking the role of reconstructing his bones. He contracted a rare infection that knows where Bird of Prey will go next, but one thing is for p.. lead singer, Richard had finally found an outlet for his wild prevented blood from getting to his muscles. Advanced gang certain: Rock is reborn! 0 (j' behavior, and created "Bird of Prey." green set in, and the doctors were forced to amputate both "'n '1 n< '1 May 17,2002 1111
Last Week As I Was at a University and Then at a College in the Hudson Valley I Saw Two Beautiful Downtown Independent Film Guys for a Few Hours Each
THE FIRST WAS JIM JARMUSCH, who room up to questions and answers, which ing his Bolex as gave a lecture at the State University of he was much better at than lecturing. He his constant com New York at New Paltz on Wednesday, was also more willing to talk about him panion, running it the first of May. I went as part of the car self and his career than he claimed to be, when he sees a avan from John Pruitt's Contemporary but he also said that he would also talk .Jiscene of beauty, Narrative Cinema class, but Bard was about any of his other interests too. The '''g~ometimes shoot- represented by many who had found their first question came from Bard's own . mg for a few sec own means of getting there. At about Peter Hutton, something about Robert onds a day, some 7:30, Jarmusch, who is known for being Frank, but I don't remember exactly what times a whole that 'aging punk rock downtown hipster the question or answer was. (Actually, I minute. It was independent film guy' and whose films didn't bring a notebook, so anything I say made out of a include Stranger Than Paradise, Down he said is paraphrased.) Many people desire to film, to By Law, Mystery Train, Night on Earth, had specific questions about films, and a capture something Dead Man, and Ghost Dog, stood in the surprising number of questions were beautiful in the front of the lecture hall, in all black about related to his interest in music, camera, without clothes and gleaming white coiffure, with playing and listening to it. any preconceived out much of a lecture prepared. His discussion was slow-moving and idea of making He joked that the biology notes that suffused with dry humor, which makes anything beautiful were on the blackboard behind him were sense if you've see any of his films. One on for himself. In what he was there to talk about. The of his funniest stories was about working that se'nse it con only biology that made it into the talk had the RZA on the music for Ghost Dog, Jonas Mekas kickin' it with some local film doodes at the Woodstock Film Festival. tains, very truthful, to do with mycology, the study of fungi. prompted by a question from Bard's own very candid images, NYU were more interested in making He stated from the beginning that he Frank Musarra. The first time they met presented in a very honest way. commercials than with making beautiful doesn't really like talking about himself, was in a parked van in the middle of the Most of the happy people were pho films. As for the bullshit, he tends not to and so he just listed some of the things night, in the city, by the request of the tographed during idle moments of the deal with it much at all. He doesn't really that he likes: music, poetry, art, muscle RZA. He did an impression of day, and even if those idle moments last watch his own films when he's done cars, and for the last few years he has RZA. Trust me this story only a few seconds or a whole minute, with them, and he doesn't read been fascinated by fungi, enough so was funny. they add up to five hours in the film. How reviews. He really doesn't even to attend a mycology conference. He did good many of the titles contained the words He make films for any reason He spouted facts and anecdotes about impersonations. 'ecstasy' or 'beauty'? Beauty comes in other than to tell a story mushrooms, and it seemed to be some One had to do really doesn't different sized doses: it can be found in in his own way. What thing that we kept coming back to during with one of the something as simple as hearing your make films for any is important is simply the discussion. With what little he want first films he daughter practice her violin, or drinking doing what you to ed to volunteer about his own career, I was working reason other than to wine in Central Park, watching cars out do. honestly didn't think the lecture was on, a docu tell a story in his own side your window, the way a flock of birds going to last more than a half hour. mentary of takes off from a building, or snow. There A SIMILAR DEDICA He brought a film to show, which he William way. What is impor is also the beauty of the summer in New TION TO FILM is put on when he felt like he had talked Burroughs. tant is simply doing York City. According to the film, or my sufficiently, though it was not the film he One day, they characteristic of the interpretation of it at least, is that the second filmmaker of wanted to bring. The film he had wanted were all outside what you to do. beauty in life lies in the one or two min E3 to bring was his most recent project, shooting some the week, Jonas utes of every day that one can just Mekas, who is even more something that a producer in Europe put guns, and Burroughs observe one's surroundings and identify together, taking some directors whom he gave Jarmusch a small independent, even further them positively. downtown, and a heck of a lot liked, and asking them to make films that 'card players' under the Of course, omitted from the film are older. Jonas is of course the brother were exactly ten minutes long, but since table handgun' to fire a round from. the other 23 hours and 59 minutes when of Bard's own Adolfas Mekas. He visited it has not been released yet the producer Jarmusch ended up burning his hand, to people are working hard to scrape by. It us Friday, the third of May, and he also preferred him to show a different film. The which Burroughs only had to say, 'That's doesn't necessarily ignore the fact that brought a film to show, which was 276 fiJm he did bring was part of a little series why I wear these gloves.' the world is a miserable place, it just minutes longer than the one Jim of shorts he has been doing called He said he had fun working on Billy doesn't show it. Therefore it is not unre "Coffee and Cigarettes.' This particular Bob Thorton's Sling Blade, because Billy Jarmusch presented at New Paltz. alistically optimistic, rather it is one of the During his brief introduction to the film, he episode starred Tom Waits and Iggy Pop, Bob's friends were all 'redneck intellectu- most realistically optimistic things I have said that it was all right if people left and was made on the set of a Tom Waits als,' as he described them. They would ever seen. The song that he sings at the halfway through, and after the film he music video that Jarmusch had directed. do things like go to the Waffle House to sums up everything nicely, saying that he said that he was surprised how many It was very simple, black and white, com- discuss Schopenhauer. They told him a can't claim to know much about the world people remained there after all five hours. posed of only five different shots, What are the last words of any true but at least he can say that he saw some ,,.,,,i,:::i\;::wtrti;,:: The film, As I Was Moving Ahead beauty. only those two actors, "' · "'''"''''"'"''"''@· redneck? 'Hey, Occasionally I Saw Brief Glimpses of and a very minimal y'all, watch me do I have heard the complaint that it is Beauty, is Mekas's latest epic, compiled script. It was set in this!' contradictory in the sense that it is saying of material he has shot over the last 30 some kind of empty He also did a go out and enjoy life yet it is keeping the years and edited into twelve chapters. It bar or restaurant with good imperson- its audience inside a dark room for five is mostly footage of his wife Hollis, his steel guitar music on ation of an hours. People in the audience were sit daughter Oona, and his son Sebastian, ting, viewing the film intently, with their in the background. Englishman and every so often footage of Jonas's film The antagonism lll~J:11remarking on the hands on their chins while they should buddies P. Adams Sitney, Peter Kubeika, between the stars volume of creative have been laughing about, talking about, and a few others. Throughout the film, was at times amus- output from the and enjoying it physically. certain titles are repeated: 'Life goes on', • Not me. I am not exaggerating ing, but overall the ]t]lmrntm]J~ poet William 'This is a politcal film', 'This film is about film was pointless. I Blake, prompted when I say that this film made me feel nothing', 'I napped for half the day and give Iggy Pop credit by a question better than almost anything I have ever nobody punished me,' and a few others. for being a better from Bard's own experienced. It worked almost like pro Often the titles simply explained what actor than I expected. ,,;Daniel Lichtblau. paganda convincing me that Jonas was happening in the film. The film's Jarmusch said he has Jim Mekas is the wisest person alive. What's soundtrack sometimes was music, some made a few of these @ffffii@\:}[ilj armusch talked next? Cutting the 1,000 hours of video times was Mekas's own voice, and some shorts, all with a col- about graduate he has shot over the last 30 years into a times was other sound he recorded. piece maybe 20 or 30 hours long which fee and cigarettes school at NYU, He claims in the voiceover not to theme, .and he some- i11;rllll1 where he met would not be expected to be watched in know anything about people, that he day hopes to release Nicholas Ray, one sitting. Rather it would read more does not know anything about life, but I them, either in the- whose name like a book, a few hours here, a few think that isn't true. I think he has it fig aters or on DVD. seemed to come hours there, until you are done. Mekas is ured out better .than most people. First of Hopefully, all the up almost as often a diarist for life; his films and his writing, all, nearly every shot in the 5-hour film other 'Coffee and . . as fungi. A girl in as John Pruitt said, are parts of one long . , . Jim Jarmusch looking pretty damn happy about some- th d. has other people in it, the people he C1garettes 1I 1ms are thing or other. e au 1ence on-going project about himself. As I Was loves, and every person seems genuinely different from this whose impression moving Ahead Occasionally I Saw Brief happy. one. Not that it was bad, but if it could of NYU graduate school is 'a bunch of Glimpses of Beauty is just one chapter The material he gathered for the film barely keep its head above water for guys sitting around watching Last Year at about the joy of having a family whom .., was shot without any specific intention of twelve minutes, I don't know if a whole Marienbad with hard-ons" inquired of him, you love. t:T' making it into a film. Actually, something n hour of them would do well. "How do you deal with the bullshit?' His that his voice repeatedly says on the tJ:j After the film, he talked a little more answer was that Last Year at Marienbad ~ soundtrack is, 'I do not make films, I just "1 about mushrooms before opening the is not his favorite film, and the people at ~ film.' The film was made simply by hav- 0 a" (IIn "1 n< "1
May 17,2002 by louis monroe Malternatives • INSPIRED BY RECENT TELEVISION commer cials showing hip people drinking alternative malt beverages (Let's go see Serzio), I BJ's Original Flavored found myself once again at Bevways make your own six pack section, but this time seeking out bottles that contained fluorescent liquids with names such as Lion's Coo 1 e r ***112 Cosmo, Hooch Orange Brew and-Seagram's Wild Pink Lemonade. I can't say that I BBD- This with a Benson & Hedges 100 was excited at the prospect of consuming fifteen different kinds of alcoholic kool-aid, AD- Alcoholic ginger ale. I can feel my testicles shriveling. but hoped that after several they would create their own excitement. I was wrong. DU- Not as sweet as the berry flavor. Sparkly ginger ale- AD hit it on the nose. This stuff doesn't get you drunk, it makes your head hurt. When you think about it, CMB- A bit more subtle than the rest. Oisconce£1ingcolor, aftertaste of kiwi seeds. malternatives are even more profitable for manufacturers than beer-,because there is no fermentation process, except the initial distillation of the cheapest sugars around, and then more sugars and flavors are added until one cannot taste the dichloryl ethanol (don't call me on that one) burning their tongue. While malternatives have a rather short commercial history (I remember Zima com Lion's Cosmo ** ing out in the early 90's) they have quickly found a niche in the marketplace and a CMB- It's like what a cosmo tastes like after you puked it Lfp. For those that can't place in the hearts of underage drinkers and pedophiles everywhere. My drinking make it to the nearest hot spot, this drink is a trend-stopper in a bottle; anyone can companions tonight, who may or may not fall into either of the two categories I just recreate the scene in their own back yard. I would call this a humanitarian drink, it mentioned, chose to go by Color Me Badd, Bel Biv Devoe, Digital Underground and brings together all walks of life, without the high prices of an alterior venue. Arrested Development (yours truly) for the duration of the tasting. Two males, two CU- Colorful. Sweet. I like it. Too sweet. Too sweet. BEER SNOBS ALL AROUND! females, so as not to perpetuate the "chick drink" "myth." And away we go. AD- Red. I'm drinking makeup. Who wore the makeup? Zsa Zsa Gabor. BBD- Certified color added. Shit! You mean all those other colors I've been drinking are uncertified?
□ n-A- *** DU- A little too sparkly for me. Too fruity too, Maybe more spring water should have been added. I couldn't drink more than 18 of these, Don'l mixwith cigarettes. BBQ.. Very modem label. I wonder whose fingerprint the guys at Wet Planet Beverages lifted this from. CMB- Delicate melon air freshener taste. Reminds me_ot a pink convertible. A bit pukey; chewed bubblegum: after an hour ana halt .-· . .i •••••' .-> • •---•______. AD- For some reason I had theJmpression that this was a fa5.t~lestbeverage}alco holic spring water, but it actually ~stes like· veryber.ry. Gross'.. . A/ ··--·· The OriginalT 'Wisted Tea *** 112 AD- An original Sunday sneak-it-from-the-purse Bible Belt staple. ~e»c;a'a.a:l.2-a. BBD- All it's missing is tea leaves. (Regretfully, Bel Biv Devoe had to leave us here to ** go work on a paper) AD- Cinnamon toast crunch and beer. Corona and lime Tostidas. My stomach is cry CMT- A real tea bag aftertaste. Better than Mike's, but not a good option. Too ing. syrupy. BBD- This one at least looks like beer so you don't look like you're actually drinking DU- I hate iced tea. some lame agave shit if you pour it into a glass. CMB- No nectar here. Tastes like a watered down Corona. No way this comes from Mexico. Not a good experience. Appalling. DU- Disgusting. Beer with Sprite or lime. What's agave? Tastes like the saliva sweet bitter of your last beer before the night is over. .lltlllmllll11iill11i:lll1iif:!}.~~~----- . t•t=s
Hooch Hara Lemonade 112 AD- Lysol with alcohol. Please don't buy. DU- Tastes like shit! Woodsy. Really too sweet and disgusting. CMB--Now this is really something. Controversial, spicy, sharp. Brings me back to ninth grade.
ZIMA*112 Hooch©Range Bl"eW ** DU- All drinks thus far (and for the rest of the night) are twist offs??? Bitter beer face. 1 Smells like shit and tastes like DNA. More like sparkling wine. No good comments ~~~1:'~l~~:[cf~h-Omethiog mat c,eali,e about this. t~P AD- Liquid carbonated gummy bears. , CMS-Capri-Sun iike.'(can see small tjlildfen going buck wild on·this. Nice lunch BBD- I first drank this shit when it came out back in the early nineties. Now I know 'box aroma..Rough. Brings me back to my youth. why my folks gave it to me. AD~-Ta'$1esll~e Minute Maid. Alcoholic Co~e. isnext. CMB- Smells like BO. Easy access, definitely tastes like something. Once again, . Sprite, with a tinge of stale, dirty vodka. Possibly the worst thing I've ever tasted. Rick's Spiked Lemonade *** AD- Not unpleasant. Blake said something to the effect of, "If you will not defend the truth, then you may find yourself defending a lie. I think I may be doing that here. DU- Absolutely nothing to say CMB- Fairly unassuming. I feel as though I've been duped. Better mixed with water. :~::~:lttil.. \ll■~;~,r"~ Note to women folk: it has become clear that the malternatives industry is involved in a blatant attempt to encourage early sexual promiscuity- attractive colors, soft flavor, CMB- Onthefruitl~r:r&ii: Wo~h$h~4ld4rl~kifif~trh:ripfegh~t'.;:·.·:I;;:::l<:P ···•·•··•twist off caps, and occasional "unbreakable' bottle. g~~o~~6t1~~~=~~'(~~~ na~~¥i~~K~,i~A!)d~At ~~ 6tig:;:ttht~k[~~ _ifwas a Mystic and got yelled al by llJY friend's Mom> Mmm, that shit is good, good, good. I could drink a whole lofof these before getting drunk. . _____ AD- Sherbert while watching Drugstore Cowboy. What have I been missing all the~ -•Jeclt.s~;Hae8:;Pi nl M~yY), _2~_02 BARD'S LITERARYMAGAZINE, voice can be one of those ...lt became a form of storytelling for me to write a onjunctions, is immersed in con date and then make up something that happened. And it helped me deter The Contemporary temporary literary movements. This fall, Ben Marcus, who mine how to focus the book. I think I had to make up a past for the present was affiliated with Conjunctions in the 90's, published to occur. Literary Scene: Notable American Women, an imaginative novel fusing ele ments of science-fiction with anthro Q. In the book, The Silentist Movement has a somewhat unusual stance on ological and gender issues in a dar- language and motion. What is the social or political significance of these two ng and eccentric narrative. mediums of expression in the book? erican Women was only just pub- A. Maybe it's an attempt to turn modes of oppression (silence and stillness) s already established itself as an into elective modes of power. If people are controlled and made silent or novative novel that is representative still, could the silent and still people use their affliction as a power?... If peo fa certain strain of contemporary ple protest sound, they are protesting, in their way, people themselves. So it narrative. becomes people against the very concept of people-a shared, global self George Saunders calls Ben Marcus 'a genius, one of the most loathing. Motion is worse. What is a person without motion? ...lt was a by daring, funny, morally engaged and brilliant writers, someone chance to question as deeply as I could, and with few preconceptions, what Carrie whose work truly makes a difference.' people might be for, and who they might become. I will not try to summarize Marcus' novel, because I think that Hyde its eccentricity and contemporary thrust exclude it from simple Q. In the novel, women are the dominant group in society, but at the same categorization. If you are interested, however, in entering the time the flaws and weaknesses of the Silentist movement, coupled with a world of Notable American Women, in a virtual format, check wanting lack ofthe masculine, are present in the narrative. Many men that out Marcus' web-site, www.benmarcus.com. oppose the feminist movement have argued that the empowerment of women will result in women overtaking society. Do you feel that the book responds to this fear? Interview with Ben Marcus (Friday, April 05, 2002): A. There's probably no plausible way for me to claim that the book does not resonate somehow with the contemporary feminist debate, yet I would say, Q. How do you think the title, Notable American Women, probably dangerously, that my approach was (hopefully) more mythological fits with the larger project of the book itself? than political (which might only be saying that it is uncourageous in its A. The title was pretty nearly the first thing I had to go on. stance, lyrical rather than literal) ....l'd say though that the Silentists don't take The understatement of the word "notable" appealed to me. over very much, and that it might be more of a statement about power itself, It's so mild that there's almost something disparaging about regardless of gender. No one does very well with power in the book. No one. it.... The anthropological tone also interested me, plus the fact that the title makes the book sound like non- Q. What aspect(s) of writing this book was most challenging? fiction ...The title indicates the book should be about some A. Making it all hold together was pretty hard. I wrote it episodically, piece by thing very specific, but it's not clear what. It certainly isn't a piece, so I wasn't always sure how to order the chapters. I felt that I was telling title for a book about a family who raises their son to always starting over. Since it's not always story driven, I had to try to figure have no feelings. And I guess I liked the inaccuracy of the out how to create momentum, the sense of progression. The form was a title. hard one to work in: documentary mini-series as fiction. Q. The historical 'facts' interwoven with the narrative seem Q. Do you currently have plans for another book? to place the story in an alternate present, rather than an A. I'm looking forward to the publication this month of a book I did in collabo alternate time. Why did you choose this particular contextu ration with the painter Matthew Ritchie, called The Father Costume. This pro alization for the novel? ject has led me to collaborate with other artists, which has been pretty inter A. Using a fake chronology let me believe I was supporting the narrative, rati esting. This summer I hope to finish work on two books, one with Terry fying it, offering proof. Had I been a better writer I might have been able to Winters, the other with Jasper Johns. And I'm scratching away feebly at the include some of the false concepts, like the female Jesus, in the narrative beginnings of another novel. It's not even burnable yet. itself, but I'm fatally attracted to bogus authoritative voices, and the historical HAT...... ,.~-- ...... ,., ...... ,. __ ....,.. , __...... ,..... ? ~ "The string quartet tribute to "- 7 □ - (Bard studentsput on productionof Waiting for Godot) EVER GET HOME AFTER A LONG day and think 'I'd like to listen to some Moby,' but then realize that your Grandmother is on her by • "HEY ALL, THERE WAS AN actor should seem. His pertor- ~ .. way over, and she'll cut Patrick Rodgers adaptation of the play Waiting for manoe had power! Ian Schaff ~ you out of the will if she Godot performed at Bard a few weeks pantsed himself down the stretch of hears that 'Devil Music.' If so, this is definitely the CD • ago. It was produced and .--,------. the second act, which appeared for you: all the emotionally charged shortened musical directed by Bard student, . lby dan murray Ito plea$e the audience. The move- phrases we've been programmed to enjoy and that Franco Bulaon. I saw these · ·. · .·•···•·· ment he displayed proved to tne that drove Miles Davis insane, made by instruments that posters all around campus of these two punks ,.he was truly (iedicated to perfecting his perfor~ even the older folks can appreciate. looking weird, but it still Intrigued me, and thus I mance and role in this play, which ls very I sort of thought it was a joke at first, mostly decided to check it out. It was performed in Bard admirable. The Boy was in a trance for the whole because the back of the CD said 'The timeless quali Hall on two nights. I went Sunday and it rained play. He just kept staring and staring at the wall or ty of Moby's music is translated here into both power like hell. When I got there, there was a girl handing something, sitting)n the com~r oJthe stage, arid he ful and delicate arrangements utilizing the skills and out playbills and a sticker .fell out of it when I got to gallantryrose from his chair fot hlstwo scenes. t{e sensibilities of some of today's most progressive my seat. I went to pick it up and noticed it was one of co1ifronted Vladimir with an emphatic message ttiat string players." The first few seconds made me ask those 'Hello my name is .. : tags. The name was' Godot was not to ()Orne until tomorrow. Pozzo, played who broke the fiddler? But then the rest of the quartet already written on and it was Godot. I looked around by Matt Davis, added much spice to this play. Wearing starts playing (Is it still a quartet if there are five musi· and only a few people in the audience were wearing a royal purple colored robe, Davis shouted at his .$Jave cians?) and it is actually really well done. The pro them. I put mine on, kept it on after the show, and ran Lucky. When it wastheir tum to grace the stage.}Pozzo duction is excellent, using tasteful amounts of pan around Bard, thoroughly impressed with the performance, and Lucky would jump out from.~tnd a sheeted w~I. · and effects to increase the variety of string sounds, screaming my name was Godot. At first, I really wasn't ready to floor myself and the audlence with thei(fierce creating a very chill atmosphere overall: excellent for sure what the meaning was behind the name tags, but demeanors! Lucky too was grea.t Walker Swain played•· sleeping, painting, reading an interesting book, or cel then I 901 to thinking. Maybe Franco meant that the audi- Lucky, a tall, athletie freshmen basketball playei;from_ ebrating certain holidays. ence was Godot, and al.Ithe actors In the play werewait• . w~at I've hearc.(Thls guy knows,Ton,y Oa:pza.\,••Altof.a.•••. The CD includes Moby hit's like 'God mov 1 1 1 ing over the face of the water,· "Why does my heart i~ie~~~ ::r: t!lfor~ ~t~o~'d~J~it: :~~;~e~-:~~~~~~ ,r;:;t~l~rf,~t~'~:~),t· feel so bad?' and 'Navia." It also includes one origi eight o'clock and felt like I was waiting forever; but then break free from tll8bonds, yet apathetic to dolfu: I espe,-nal track inspired by the music of Moby titled 'Holiday noticed the actors getting psyched up in a closet some- cially loved it when the whofe- cast..except for the boy tn Rush,• which where in there. One member of the cast, Matt Davis, the comer, Jumped on him and brought hlm to tf}~!foor. sounds like was playing the piano when I arrwed and continued for t .. ····• Wh,(lt1J!la .play was finished, Davis, st11nr1hls Moby re-mix what seemed like forever. y,oklng at th9.:set; I fo~nd .••.E~o'd slate: p!¥yec:i the piaajagain lo the same tune, ing Danny myself fixated on a magnificent sculpture that was a ··••••shouting aftheaudiehce 1 "Outpigsl Out'hogsl' and Elfman's tree on the set. I asked around and found outit was soon. I found this thoroughly amusing and began to career from the craftsmanship of Ian Schaff, who played Estragon , stare at him and smile. Ur\forturi~tely, he did not · ..•.• 'Pee-Wee's in the play. notice this. I thir,k S_arnBeckett wouldget. a kick:out Big Having an extensive- .familiarity With Waiting for ofthls play. This wasan adaptati.6ri and 1huat~e ~, . Adventure' Godot already, I was .curious, to see h.?WFranco, {i.!i.~tor's intel'.P~~tlon and.t~~j;,/fth~. orlgjriatjff through the Ian, Matt, Walker and Sean would handle such work; It was deflriii:ely condensedJorsure. I})}' first 'Batman.' an arduous task. (must say they handled it wonder wha,t B~ckett would say about the 7 •T beautifully. The play was magnificently cast. Back to the Future reference •. Personally, I They do The meaning of the play was clearly pre- loved it. I got so toopired by this play, to cheat a little .., sented I felt. This play is about life, just live lite, do everything, experience all with the t:T' searching tor happiness .•• well this I .ROssiblycan, and for that 1wish to whole string (t play Just has everything, damn It! thank Franco Bulaon, Ian Scnaff, · quartet thing. A few tracks have uncredited percus t:J:l Franco Bulaon, who was also the and the other guys [Matt, Walker, 111 sion, but which sounds as though it could have been "1 director, did a great job as and Sean} for giving me such Ila made by the musicians on the sides of their instru Vladimir and at moments a ponderous insightful ments. There is also some synth cleverly hidden 0 seemed possessed, moment in my life of <:1' throughout a few of the tracks. (II !ike a true iives. I hope (t Even though it seemed like a silly idea at "1 first, this is actually a really solid CD, possibly better (t< "1 than Moby himself. May 17,2002 m Fashion at Bard, Baby. FASHIONFASHIONFASHIONFASHIONFASHIONFASHION FASHIONFASHIONFASHIONFASHIONFASHIONFASHION lbyMaura Roche I Spring has finally come and brought with it the wide z 0 variety of Bard's warm weather fashion. And, while the long I .; ~ (') t,;1 Ill '1 0.. 0 (j' rll (') '1 (')< '1 May 17,2002 Opinions • F1at1n · g Disorders: -H 0 W' Much lS the Media's Fault? Social icons shape interpretationsof body image by !Lola Pierson I about eating disorders and negative body tive body image caused by pictures of thin The actual issue at hand is not people's image, thinness is made to be a bad thing models. Attempting to simplify such a inability to cope with the differences and thickness a good thing. This is, in my complex issue leads to dangerous conse- between their bodies and those of icons, opinion, entirely counter-pro- Before I begin, I wish to say sev but the eral things. This is an article that is, for ductive. There obviously needs fact to be a revolution in media the most part, about two specific eating that with regards to how we view disorders: anorexia nervosa and bulimia Thinness is paraded in front those our bodies; however, the idea nervosa. I will from this point on refer to icons of replacing the word skinny these two eating disorders as "eating dis have with the word ugly and hoping orders.' I realize this is inaccurate, as of our faces as though it is not such a there are many eating disorders, but that will solve all of our prob strong please forgive it for simplicity's sake. I lems is just silly. What we hold should be emphasizing when would also like to point out that because the beautiful way to be, but over this article is written by a female and discussing eating disorders is the way not the shape of the icons we because 90% of those affected by eating we con put on a pedestal, but what disorders are female that it may contain a rather the only way to be. duct certain slant. specific characteristics of our our society lead us to even need For years. almost all of us have lives. such icons. been fed distorted ideas of body image. quences and is for the most part ineffec This obviously takes on a different form Certainly it can be said that what is desir In most discussions of eating tive at best. on the Bard campus. Not many students disorders body image is thoroughly able according to mainstream media is Most people affected with seri here wear clothes because they have explored, but the actual psychological rea not always normal or even healthy. ous eating disorders lie within the age seen them in fancy magazines on skinny soning behind why a person views his/her Thinness is paraded in front of our faces group that includes most students on this models. There is, however, a definite reac body in a poor light are rarely talked as though it is not the beautiful way to be, campus. The responsibility to treat eating tion to the aforementioned icons. This but rather.the only way to be. I think I can about. Generally, eating disorders relate disorders in a careful and knowledgeable reaction in and of itself is indicative of the safely assume that in almost any discus to the idea of control. In many instances a way rests on our shoulders. I certainly media's effect on everyone, particularly person will try to control to an extreme sion on this campus about eating disor don't have a concrete solution to eliminat people of our age group. There is no list of ders, the idea of what is put into their body to make up for ing negative body image and the need for rules that we can obey that will remove us a perfect body social entirely from the influence of the main being constantly icons stream media and the icons it creates. projected at us The actual issue at hand is not peo with Indeed we do need to find news and cul our entire lives whom ture somewhere. There are, however, would arise. we can steps that can be taken to lead us into a I pro ple's inability to cope with the clif identi new age of enlightenment with regards to pose, however, fy, but the media and its effect upon us. The that eating dis it is most apparent and pressing of these orders are not f ererices between their bodies and appar steps is to begin creating alternative only caused by ent media sources that convey the impor mainstream that tance of individuality and creation rather media, but also those of icons, but the fact that some than conformity and production. In order independent thing to achieve this though, there is a certain media sources needs level of scrutiny that must be acquired. I and perhaps to be do not in any way mean cynicism, but those icons have such a strong hold dra rather a personal evaluation of the T2 more important mati media's effect on each individual. We ly the reaction cally need to begin with ourselves. This, and to this idealized revalu only this, will bring control back into the body that we over the way we conduct our lives. ated. hands of each individual so he/she can are so frequent- The make his/her own decisions and lead us ly presented lack of control in other areas of his/her day we all stop idealizing media icons, I into a new age: one without social icons. with. I find that, even in the least cynical life. This is a much more complex illness am certain eating disorders will drop dras groups of people, in many discussions to treat than one simply involving a nega- tically. That's like, your opinion, man. The 'Dude's Newspaper' responds to Ms. Chance In the last issue of the Free Press, Kerry Chance, Associate Editor, wrote an opinions piece that men tioned the Observer. I would like to clarify several comments made in that piece. Ms. Chance says that she worked for the Observer for one year, and that during that time she watched as a feminist piece was cut as well as a piece involving "drug dealers so dear to the Editor's heart." I think it is important to mention that Ms. Chance worked for the Observer in the school year of '99 - '00, which is two years ago. She is not referring to the current Editor-in-Chief, or in fact, any of the current Editors. Tragically, our cur rent editors have not had any real contact with Ms. Chance. Ms. Chance states, 'The oft referred to and accurately described as 'The Dude's Newspaper,' the Observer should be mindful of the way that it curbs participation and shuts out potential writers on campus ... • Her support from this is citing the fact that there has been a lack of female Observer editors since Ms. Chance started the Free Press. As I have only been an editor for the last year, I cannot comment with honesty on the actions of my predecessors, but I can say that acquiring any editors at all has been a struggle, and we do not intend to shut anyone out. When the year started, the Observer had only myself, Michael Marlin, Jr., and Mike Morini as editors. Our Photo Editor and and prospective News Editor declined from their positions. Hence, in those issues the A&E Editor is Michael Merlini Jr., a fictitious combination of the two Mikes, and I doubled as News Editor. Despite the addition of Zubair Hossein and Dave Tramonte as editors, we have attempted to include whoever would be willing to do anything for our paper, regardless of gender. In fact, several of our more consistent and reliable writers are female, who feel as though they have as much say as any other writer. Really, the Observer would love anyone who would be willing to help us, and we print pretty much anything we are given. It doesn't matter to us whether a person is male, female, blind, deaf, American, black, white, or whatever. Even though Ms. Chance adds that the 'call for mindfulness' goes for her own paper as well, simply criticizing both papers doesn't make it any less implied that the Observer has been intentionally shutting out females, which we have not. I would like to add that the Observer Editors have no ill will, or "beef' with the Free Press. On the contrary, as we know first-hand the struggles that editors undertake, we have quite a bit of respect for them. As well, the mock 'Free Presss" that was recently produced was not a product of anyone involved with the Observer to my knowledge. Finally, if anyone has a problem, complaint, or heaven-forbid, compliment about the Observer, please feel free to write a Letter to the ..; Editor and tell us. For the sake of social graces, we'd rather print something ourselves and make any clarifications then, than have another paper print ambiguous 1:7" n c:i Ill "1 p.. 0 a' n"' "1 n< "1 May J8, 2_002 Opinions Bard Receives $100k Mellon Grant What is it? Do we need it? What do we do with it? by [Dumaine Williams organized by students that faculty mem for us, but they do need (and want) our has since been abandoned) was to use bers don't attend, and vice versa. The input. Erin Cannan admits that the the money to make structural changes to grant is a source of funding for events administration "didn't want to predict some of our dorms so that apartments that promote more reciprocity among our In January Bard administrators what people would want. We wanted peo could be added for professors. This sug students and faculty through collabora discovered that the institution could apply ple to be imaginative.' I know that Bard gestion was abandoned partly for_finan tion. for a grant from the Andrew W. Mellon students can be imaginative (... just look at cial reasons, but as students I am sure Foundation. However, there wasn't a lot Realizing that Bard students and the extensive list of student clubs that we that most of us wouldn't enjoy moving into faculty are extremely of time and the grant proposal had to be out dorms next busy, some of the compiled in a short four weeks. A group semester to find money will go into of approximately twelve administrators that we now purchasing software As students, we need to be met in January and started brainstorming shared the living for a centralized cal 1norder to find potential projects. In early space with our endar system that February I attended a meeting with the First Year Seminar will coordinate the proactive and make sure that same group of administrators. One of the professor. Some scheduling of main things that came out of that meeting administrators may events. Money may was that there was a desire to make a assume that this also be available to the money is spent in ways better connection between the academic arrangement would fund events similar and co-curricular life of Bard students. work (because it to the tea which The next step was to get input works at other members of Sands that will benefit us the most. from students and faculty. It became schools that a re hosted for guest clear that the residence halls were a comparable to speaker Judith resource that could be utilized in making Bard), but we know Butler. The money can be used to fund connections between faculty and stu have), but what I fear is that Bard stu what the reality is. cultural events (such as a foreign film dents. Subsequently, the Peer Counselors dents also tend not to be proactive. While this money has the poten series) that can be hosted in residence Students frequently know what and faculty members were contacted for tial of greatly improving the life of stu halls and organized by language profes suggestions. After receiving many sugges they want, but they don't usually do things dents (and faculty) through funding vari sors as well as students. tions, Dean of Students, Erin Cannan, and to get it. For example, I often go around ous programs, there is also the potential However, I must stress the flexi Assistant Dean of the College, Julia getting suggestions for the Student Life of going too far. One issue that I am wor bility of this grant. The events funded by Rosenbaum, took on the task of writing a Committee. I really like doing this ried about is that many students make a proposal for the Mellon grant. The pro the grant don't have to involve heavy intel because I get a good feeling for what the clear distinction between their academic lectual conversation. As Julia Rosenbaum posal described an initiative that wanted issues are on campus and I also get really and social spaces. Not everyone will explains, the grant money is expected to to 'design and launch innovative program ingenious suggestions. However, if I didn't appreciate coming home from class or the promote 'mutual interests that are not ming to link the academic and social life walk up and 'attack" people in Kline, this library and finding a group of professors necessarily related to the professors' dis of our students.' A few weeks ago Bard useful information would not have been and students discussing Shakespeare in cipline.' A good example of creative use received a $100,000 grant for this pur shared. Things would be so much more their lounge. We all need time just to pose. of Mellon grant money is a restaurant that effective if people took an active role and hang out and not focus on anything acad is funded at Bowdoin College. A student The grant is for two years and will made their views known. In reality, most emic, and often that time is spent in was given money to purchase equipment be initiated starting this fall. The current people are not going to ask what your con dorms. Therefore, a balance will need to for a restaurant. The student runs the plan is that a Residential Committee (con cerns and suggestions are, they are going be created and, quite frankly, a group of restaurant and the space serves as a nice sisting of an equal representation of facul to assume and act accordingly. administrators will not be able to find the ty members, adminis Many people balance that works for students. trators and Peer will read the The plan is that the Residential Counselors) will title of this arti Committee will spend the fall semester ·e~tabrishi'ti1;rfifiovati~e:programs a essentially oversee We have the res.oonsibility and d~ ~nddon- - elude that this then start dispensing money in the spring. 73 the grant money. The has nothing to Next semester students need to be very projected expenses do with them. vocal and let the Committee know what include funding this the power to make sure that We don't seem their suggestions/concerns are. This committee and a to realize that grant is for what we want to see imple small Peer Educator we are the most mented at Bard and what we consider to group. The Peer changes are made in our favor. integral part of be innovative. If you have questions/sug Educator group will this institution, gestions/concerns please email rosen be trained to act as atmosphere for faculty and students to and therefore we have the most power. [email protected] or [email protected]. an academic resource in residence halls, eat and-interact. Too often things happen on this campus essentially expanding on the current acad I am pretty sure that there are where students feel that decisions that emic resources available in dorms (such many creative ideas that we can come up affect us have been made without our The opinions and ideas expressed in as drop-in tutoring sessions). with as Bard students. I am writing this input. This article is intended to let stu the Observer.:d:oriofnecessarily reflect The major aspect of the project article to let students know that this dents know that many decisions will be the views,,oflh~ Obse;JtFs.taff. Each is that money is now available for stu money is available and that we can all made in the near future that will affect us, writei'fJia member of theBard dents and faculty members to collaborate give input as to how it should be spent. but we still have time to give input. Comrhtiolty who publish~s- hjs/her on events. There are many areas where can assure you that every cent of this Having $100.000.00 suddenly means views a(hfu/her own discretion\ If you faculty and student sponsored events money will get spent in the next two years. that significant changes are going to be would)j~i,to express you/bpihion in overlap in their focus. Instead of collabo As students, we need to be proactive and made, and as students we have both the the 6£sJrver,send it via'email to rating on events, often times the faculty \-,-,... ,. ;, . make sure that the money is spent in responsibility and the power to make sure [email protected], by carppus mail and student groups essentially compete ways that will benefit us the most. that these changes are made in our favor. because of scheduling conflicts. For to ,!;~~~~i~ice The administration has done a What's the worst thing that can ~~~~;!!\\fi:J1 example, there are many poetry readings very good job with securing these funds happen? Well, one initial suggestion (that • I.nten.sivetwo week summer counes offered in twcnt)' different languageson campus at SUNY New Pah. Study abroad without commit1ingto a full sem~1er... overseas !~ming vac.itions st11rtiug11t rwo weeksarc aw.ilablcin Fr-Jnce, Spain,Italy, Costa Rica & Mexico. Bestof all-~rn three credits in two weeks (or 6 credits in 4 weeks)and spend the mt of the summer howevcr you like! LANGUAGE IMMERSION ""'1 t:r' g INSTITUTE n tJ:'J (845) 257-3500 ..,II) A- [email protected] o WWW er ..,nIll < ..,n May .).J,2002 •1•- &J.J.M@~TI'~~ else talk in class. If you Do not take baths. Drink only bottled byMichael "lndie» Mafli(l.tJr don't know what you're talk water, but you must bottle it yourself ing about, make it seem like at some remote stream in European you do. Do not let anyone Mountains. Pretend to know every seem like they know more thing about European Mountains. than you do. Do not be shy. Produce art. Do not reproduce art. Do not laugh unless it's not Do not look at art unless it's the gen funny. Do not smile unless uine article. Pretend to know every The Bard Observe motivated by pity. Do not thing about art. Know the word 'art' read magazines. Do not in French, Italian, German, and Staff look at advertisements. Do Latin. Do not play the lottery. Do not see, read, or do anything not try to make money. Work for Spring 2002 that is remotely contempo free. Do not work for a company rary. Do not read newspa that has over 12 employees. Do not pers. Do not trust journal go to a zoo; if you do, feed the ani ists. Do not trust your mals. Do not own a dog. Do not Editor-in-Chief: friends. Do not trust the name your child John, Mike, Steve, Jacob Cottingham government. Do not trust Jeff, Bob, or anything relating to a your family. Do not trust pro biblical entity. Do not believe in reli fessors. Do not trust TV, but gion. Pretend to know everything News Editor: you shouldn't be watching it about religion. Do drugs, overdose, anyway, remember? Do not but don't die. Smoke cigaret1es M. Zubair Hossain trust me. Do not trust anyone but when not in the process of saying Welcome to the grand finale yourself. Do not reminisce about something. Drink more alcohol than of 'Almost Intellectualism." That's anything from your childhood unless water. Do not hesitate to offend peo A&E Editor: right; we have reached our final it's something that no one else ple if it proves your point. Do not installment of bastard righteousness remembers. Do not do anything that offend an intellectual. Be offended Mfke Morini and pompous pseudo-intellectual will make you truly happy, unless it's by capitalism. Be offended by these debate. I'd like to thank all the beau something that would make no one words. Be offended by the Buttguy tiful highbrows out there who have else happy, such as listening to a picture at the top of this column. Be Opinions Editor: followed my directions and criticisms monotonous buzzing noise. Do not offended by my hairstyle. Be offend Michael Marlin, Jr. since the column's conception over a like Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck ed by cell phones, telephones, year ago. But now we have reached or Daisy Duck (she's oppressed any telegrams, Morse Code, or anything our limit and we must move on to way) or Goofy or any thing Disney; that uses electricity. Be offended by Sports Editor: other things, but not before giving they're all Nazis, remember? what she said he said I said some DOs and DON'Ts for those of Pretend to know everything about Professor whatshisname said she Dave Tramonte who still wish to maintain a Nazis, even if WWII was 40 years said. Be offended that I said 'what respectable, lofty, and downright before you were born. Pretend to shisname" instead of 'whatsher omniscient intellectualism. Ladies know everything about WWII. Do name." Be offended by trashcans. Photo Editor: and Gents: Almost Intellectualism. not go to theme parks. Do not go to Be offended by recycling bins. Be Do not watch TV. Do not bowling alleys. Do not play minia offended by the way that guy's eye Paolo Vidali listen to the radio. Do not watch film ture golf. Do not buy anything ever, brow just twitched when you said the or go to the movies. Listen only to except maybe a $70 ticket to a word 'communism." Be offended by music that is performed right in front Broadway play. Pretend to know people having a good time. Be Copy Editor: of you and do not ever buy a CD. everything about a play you saw on offended by what's not yours. Be Ljese Mayer Do not buy clothes made in third Broadway for $70. Do not eat fast offended by people being offended. world countries. Do not buy clothes food. Do not eat food in name-brand Do not live in the real world. Do not made in the US. Wear only clothes packaging. Do not eat food not be part of a society. Always argue ~iter~: that have been thrown away or that grown in your own garden. Do not someone's point. Do not dream, 9e>n..tr.lq_!!!l!)9, 74 have some message on them that no use double negatives in your sen believe, dance, smell, relax, relieve, Lola Pierson, Elizabeth one understands but you. Do not tences infrequently. Do not eat Red comfort, hug, or live. And, most Daley,Andrew Schulze, wear anything colorful. Do not do Delicious apples (only Gala, Empire, importantly, do not read the Bard anything colorful. Do not play sports. or Rome). Do not own a computer, Observer. Juan Martinez, Dumaine Do not play games, except chess, but if you must, make sure it's a I wish we had more time, but never be the white side. Do not Macintosh. Do not mention Bill but that's it folks. lndie must depart WIUiam~}JacobGrana, talk to anyone else unless they are Gates without rolling your eyes. Do forever. But...Until next time, I'm a Sean'Sullivan,Jeff as intellectual as you; otherwise, talk not use deodorant. Do no use soap. bastard. Goodnight. down to them. Do not let anyone Eastman, Danny Gibson, Louis:Monroe, Patrick Rqdg~r~!Carrie Hyde, BarfYates:1.Maura Roche, ·-:-: ·::::-:-·:· Ethan.. Hochg~sang, VincentValdmanis, JacqulineLaDuke, Dan Murray .., t:7' n ~ ~ "1p. 0 a' Illn "1 n~ "1 May 17, 2002 Sports Observer Sports Page with your host Dave Tramonte Taking our "chances" with everything we print ,.,~~••F, , ,, ,1~ Red ~fi§.li~~f Hurricaoes'.beat'M! roron+~ hkJ+i;., ' · BillRom: ciaUyatti Carottn~ WILLlA' impact in On Sunday April 28, 2002 the average Bard student awoke to a rainy morning of Kline food, TV watching, and pleasant conversa tion in smoke-filled dorm rooms. On Sunday April 28, 2002 the Bard Rugby team awoke to their first and only home game of the entire spring semester. They showed up to the muddy, torn field behind Kline on that bone-freezing morning and Drew University, their opponent, arrived right on schedule, but the average Bard student did not make an appearance. This is not an article about the lack of school spirit. This is about how Bard Rugby played their best game in three seasons and beat Drew University 7-0. Had the field conditions been better Bard would have scored five more times. Due to a slippery ball there we're many blown chances when the ball slipped out of some one's hand on the tri line. Spring semeste,r Rugby is notorious for its lack of players, lack of coaching, and lack of funding. Luckily, that presumption on coaching was cast aside by Jacoh ~r~riwP' with the help of 'Big' John Nandor, and alumni Kimani Davis, who coached Bard Sports the team during the absence of the "real'coach, Jaco Visser. Although the magic of Intramural Softball lured many players away, the team per severed, drilling techniques and skills into their bodies that would assure future victory. Adopting the "Southern Hemisphere" style of play, (modeled on teams such as Australia and New Zealand) Bard practiced "skips"- passing the ball past adjacent teammates, "loops" running players around each other to receive a pass after being 75 previously skipped, and 'switches'- a football style handoff. This style coupled with the experience the team gained during the fall semester gave Bard Rugby new hope in their game against Drew University. ~Ji From the first minute of the game Bard was confident of victory. Drew was not a physically large team and their techni l!l cal skills did not match Bard's. \{ Bard won on that bleak morning because of one ingredient necessary for any victory: courage. Intimidation In Rugby is death: it keeps tackles from being made, it keeps passes inaccurate, and it makes a team feel like that they have already lost without playing. Bard had beaten Drew and they knew they could beat them on their own mud. The team sacrificed their bodies to the cold, to the rain, and to the tackle. The reward: victory at home. -·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·-·- Men's Tennis Team has a good season and the Mid East finally resolves its conflict Konl to watch 1 that is, if you could ever manage to take your eyes off his man-tastically cute butt. team played, like1 really good tennis Gino Fransman, aka Mr. Limp, had a blistering forehand :f:'.-:•.,:.·. that would devastate victims just before his mad karaoke skillsdevastated everyone in earshot Drew Schulze's Theteam fin~Jc ~~e regular si3ason7_; o:~;~'. and big first serve won him lots of points, but no phone num went 6-0 Within the HVMACconference, In addition to bers. Richard Saudek's topspin lob made his opponents the regular $e8$0n conference title, the team 1:11$0beat look siUy,but not quite as silly as he did back in the cir Sarah Lawerence to win the season ending tourney. The cus. Stevenson Gym will now have a couple of new shiny '"1 things io the trophy case. Ale> May 17,2002 Sports IKEEP PUNCHING WITH SEANSULUVANI Mike Tyson was recently interviewed at his training during his generation: been around - I've been in times where I've been camp in Maui, Hawaii for his upcoming fight on June around a guy for a long time and I'm trifling at times. 8th versus Heavyweight Champion Lennox Lewis. He 'You have to understand, Frank Bruno would not have I've been around a guy and I portrayed myself to be is reported to be trim already at 230 lbs., very close to been champion if I had not been in prison. Oliver something I'm not to get what I want, and I'm not like his fighting weight. He is showing a tremendous McCall would not have been champion if I had not these guys. · amount of dedication to training for this fight and claims been in prison. A lot of these guys would not have been that he is there to do a job, not have fun. Research champion. Michael Moorer would not have been cham Oll'ilhis Hsms~: shows that there is not one strip club in the vicinity of pion. Those guys would not have been champion if I his training camp. Co-trainers Stacey McKinley and had been around. They would have had no legacy. "Forget Abraham Lincoln, John Brown is the most pro Ronnie Shields reported that Tyson, who siarted camp None of those guys would have had a legacy. The best lific white man fighting for our cause, and we don't even two weeks ago with six sparring partners, is down to thing that happened to those guys and they should have a statue of the man. We don't even have a statue one. "We may need 25 more by the time we are fin stand on their mother's shoulders and kiss my ass of John Brown! Ask someone in school, who the hell is ished. I won't be satisfied unless Lewis gets wJohn Brown? A honky. A Southern honky. They some broken ribs or a broken jaw. That's ' :~iidon'tknow that, but who am I to explain that this what I'm looking for, I want to see something '@is a great man, the liberator of our people? A broken ...we practice on how to cave in all white man! A redneck! Who am I? I might be shot his ribs, break his jaw, crack his skull. I've in the head for that.' told Mike 'you have got to break something. If you don't break something we are not going to win." In this interview with a large On his Greatness: group of journalists lucky enough to be a part of the 24-hour plane ride to talk with the "They say I'm great, but do you know what's man, Tyson discussed his views and opin great? Out there, that's great,' pointing at the ions on a wide range of subjects. Pacific Ocean. "When I came here a couple of months ag0 I went out to sea and watched the His objective for the upcoming whales rise out of the water, _thengo right down to ithe bottom of the ocean again. II was like a guid- Lewis fight: ....ed missile just shooting straight up. That's power- {[im;/ul.' "My main objective is to be professional and pfaTyson says he regards the natural beauty of to kill him [Lennox Lewis]. That's really what @@Hawaiias proof of God's existence. He talked it comes to. He'll want to kill me because I i#Mabout Allah, and said that he is still a Muslim but sure want to kill him ...but still I love him. t:mhe is not as strict about the rituals and customs He's brilliant as an athlete, but I'm thE;man. I've just anymore- "God knows what is in my heart". got to get in proper preparation psychologically, be hun because I went to prison or they would not be existing gry and determined. Lewis has got a fight on his right now. They'd be a flash in the pan and would have hands. Winning the world championship again will made some money and opened up a restaurant or bar In conclusion, Iron Mike left with prophetic words: mean a great deal to me. But it will mean a lot to peo somewhere where they live at.' ple who are in prison, who really don't believe in the 'I'm Mike Tyson, and I'll always be Mike Tyson and system. I don't care if you are black, white, the Klan, when I die, you guys are going to make me bigger than Arian, a gang member, it will show that you can suc Does he enjoy his vast wealth? I've ever been.' ceed. that you are not garbage." Can I tell you something? That adds to the depression. On other fighters who've had success That-adds to the false sense of security, you know. I got to be around all these - I don't know who loves me. I've 76 Football Re-alignment can be confusing. That's why we decided to lay it out nice and easy for ya IAFCI INFC· ~---V\._ P./';0$ ' =:=.:::..,.:a•....i. -~ \).:0 •·•··A.A~~ Juan Martinez o'-" •.. ~}~ . ,\'C so\'o. 2r,-e ...... _~e~ -Y~ ,~• ~~) LindsayPark by Juan Martinez .e~ Inthi;:~i sco"l'l"o':l'='e~ ~< ~o~~ . 5,~'-~"-Q\'o-~\? like. 'f i::F =•mud,.!~\\::;: "{ot). "''~ infieldhani ..,::;;t:: . us:Jij.as_··.,,.. < .·;<·~·"/ ":' ._\·\f :'~·\\H :::iiii~m;;f;u «· S¢mg1'1~mtntimiem'tQ~·.:.\\'1 Swea(~ppi,pj!! I o:ur fliii!'.Iitt!!lrn;:t···· ra. __ en i~::~~ ... < ~... May 17,2002 Sports @@@l@ □ @~ JJ@fl@@W John Biando and Jed Clarke got a HM: Well, it's seemed pretty obvious from the regular chance to interview Howard Megdal season that the Moose of Death are poised to win ii . . all. But the race for second place is very close this about softball and life in general. year, no question. The team that really distinguished Howard, for those of you who don't know it~elf for me is the Wild Bunch- I've really never seen\ him is a senior from New Jersey and by a collection of uglier people in my life. You know, ' . . I've had people come up to visit, and ask, "What is the looks of his picture a crystal meth the deal with the tact that so many Bard students addict. He is a font of sagacity when it look like they have leprosy, or some other kind of comes to softball and a master of wit of disfiguring disease?" And, I mean, yeah, there are . some beautiful people, there are the Sarah sarcasm. Howard IS also desperate for Mosbachers on campus, but then, yeah- some of his first girl at Bard before he graduates these people look like they've been in a terrible war. and can be reached by calling ext. 4065. And it seems like the Wild Bunch assembled as ~------_.many of those people as possible. I mean, Dave Lang? Wow, there were some pretty potent drugs HM: Ready when you are ... involved there when he was conceived. Let me just JB+JC: Howard, this is Jed Clarke and John Biando. say, however, that several of the Wild Bunch does Wefd like to talk to you a little bit about intramural soft not conform to this archetype- there are some nor ball, and maybe find out a little candid information mal to good looking people there. But they are excep about the real Megdal. Just so you know, I'll be spell lions. beer with Nick Buffum- you'll see that these are good, checking this later. JB+JC: we like dave lang, so YOU can stroke it and fun people, and I'm really looking forward to playing HM: Thank God. If people found about about my poke it, pokemon. them in the first round, though I think Jurvis La Salle spelling problem, I'd never get laid again. HM: Hey, I have no problems with Dave Lang, he's a still gets upset about me making jokes about him in JB+JC: We're sure that isn't true Howard, we know fine human being. Its what's on the inside that counts! print, which makes very little sense, given how many that the people who sleep with you can't read anyway. At least, he'd better hope so. jokes people make about him out of print- you'd just First question. When future Bardians open the softball JB+JC: we think he is handsome. think he'd be used to it. Ice cream flavor- Chocolate annals many years from now, to look for a speck of JB+JC: Now, your team, the Moose of Death, has cherry cordial- itfs better than you think. wisdom to help them through the nuclear holocaust, changed a lot since its inception. What are the differ JB+JC: The aptly named B+G Bombers. their eyes will fall upon the year of 2002, and printed ences? HM: Boom- that's the only the only way to describe benieth, I'm afraid, will be only two words: "no beer." HM: Well, our infield is a little different- we had them- thank god there's no fence here in left or center Has the years new regime sucked the life out of intra Michael Mandlin at first base, and that was always an these guys can really hit. Ice cream flavor- Coffee mural softball? adventure- its 2:50, the game starts at 3, where's their hits are as powerful as a jolt of caffeine. HM: Definitely not. I've never really understood the Michael? And it'd turn out that he was still getting his JB+JC: Finally, the Hardballs. arguement that some people have, you need to have shoes on, which for some reason took 45 minutes. HM: I am in love with Kate Wolf- a beautiful catcher beer right at the field to have a good who talks dirty has always been my idea of a dream girl. Ice cream flavor- Rum raisin- surprisingly sweet, time. You can get drunk anywhere, and I" I I d be THEN come and play softball. There concerned_ al:out a little lascivious, and deeply satisfying. are plenty of area stores that accept JB+JC: Hm. fake IDs, there's rubbing alcohol in Who is the Shaq of Intramural softball? Health Services that goes down surpris soccer if I \/\BS fran HM: It'd have to be Brian Wolf, of the pack- he's so ingly easy- just tell them you have an good at every facet of the game- plus he's so baseball infection! They'll just be grateful you smart. B + G were playing him to pull, so he hits the aren't another student coming in with Latvia. fut I'm an ball the opposite way all afternoon! A great adjust ment. Also, did you know that Brian Wolf can sing? depression. Softball will never be soft- !Am • 11 ball without beer- but those Bard stu- er l can . HM: I went to this chorus concert, and the guy, I'd only dents who aren't industrious enough to known him on the softball field, and he has a solo, and get smashed without beer on the field it's fucking amazing! don't deserve to be here. The great actor and alco- And then we had to send a car to get him there. But JB+JC: I did not know that. And he plays Rugby, too! 77 holic John Barrymore used to fool his family by ·going he dicthlt the"balra ton-:-'Also, last ye-ar some~orou lf..yotJo.-were.mcharge of Bard lntrammal-sottball, what to the movies, pretending to be sober, but dousing his outfielders wouldn't show up, or they'd show up and sit would you change? popcorn with rum. We at Bard can certainly live up to down in the field, or leave if they didn't like where they HM: A few things- I'd like to see a fence around the his legacy, except for the part where he'd dropkick his were in the batting order- so basically, this year I whole field- even one light installed like they have in children. I think we can avoid that and still have a looked for people who weren't nine years old. "Save the parking lots and a couple in the outfield would good time. Though I'm sure it'd be fun. the nine year olds for courting," that's what my uncle allow us to play at night- we could have 2 AM games. JB+JC: We have a follow-up to the first question, always used to tell me. From jail. Scheduling some in Tivoli would do the same thing for though. Greg Dixon: the man; the myth; the semi- JB+JC: That's a good answer. Wefre going to give us- the field there has lights, and it costs like 30 dol colon; is on your softball team. Tell us about Mr. you a name of an intramural softball team, and we lars Dixon, both on the field and off. want you to give us a summary of your impression of JB+JC: That fence might interfere with soccer games. HM: Well, as a basketball coach, he was a welcome them, and what favor ot ice cream they'd be .. HM: See, I'd be concerned about soccer if I was from change from Phil Roloson, who took us to three JB+JC: The Moose of Death. tatvia. But I'm an American. So it hurts soccer? straight 1-19 years, and didn't really know much in the HM: A group of spirited individuals; I love each and Nope, I don't really care. way of 'game strategy' or 'interpersonal communica- every one of them, and will miss them terribly next JB+JC: Any last remarks about Softball, The Outside lions" or 'avoiding the extermination of the Jewish year. lcre cream flavor: Chocolate peanut butter cup World, your life, bard, etc? people' becuase of his 'affiliation' with the 'Large with that hard chocolate shell on top. HM: Well, I'm going to miss Bard, some of it. I've met Nazi Party', a splinter group of the Nazis for people JB+JC: Lisa Costa's team. a lot of people here who are very important to me, and over 6'4'. Greg's brought a lot of enthusiasm, and to HM: Lisa is such a sweetheart, and then some of them I'm going to miss being around them all of the time. I the people who are upset about his enforcing the rule don't show up- it saddens me, because she deserves also loved playing intramural softball, and recommend about no alcohol on the field0 first of all, drink right better. Ice cream flavor- Butter pecan, becuase it's a ed it to the propsective students I was hitting on, and NEXT TO THE FIELD! Is this very hard? It reminds really incredible flavor, so tasty, but it seems to get the even some i wasn't hitting on- becuase Bard softball is me of an article in one of these newspapers a couple shaft in this neopolitan Vanilla Chocolate Strawberry fun for everyone! I am hopeful that The Outside World of years ago about Bard being a police state- how world. A real injustice, like when her players don't continues to grow, I'll be running it from Boston next sheltered do you have to be to think that becuase show up for her. I've subbed for her team, and I'd do semester. I do hope that people at this school learn to there's this 300 foot space in which you can't drink, it again. take themselves less seriously, and more importantly, that suddenly its like we're in Soviet era Prague! My JB+JC: Yeah, the same thing happened with her team to respect the free speech rights of everyone. Stop friend at Rutgers, if he drinks on the street, he ends last year, when it was run by that Matt guy who would getting upset over Nell Carter jokes. No one makes up in jail! Has anyone at Bard ended up in jail unless yell all the time. · the leap from "Gee, Nell Carter is fat!" to "Gee, I he or she has blatantly made it the goal of the day to Circus Maximus, the faculty team. guess black people are terrible." Not even Nell Carter become arrested? Get over yourselves! "Oh boy, I HM: A team made up of many fun and enjoyable pro- is that upset about Nell Carter jokes, and she can be can't drink in this one tiny area, and have to walk 400 lessors and a man who spends way too much time subdued with a nicely made sandwich. And I hope feet away to become inebrieted enough to hit a soft- with his dog. Ice cream flavor- gosh, I don't know, that most of all, the tendencies I've recognized out of ball. My struggle in life is not unlike Gandhi's." what's the oldest flavor? Vanilla? Is there rock Ila- the administration, an attempt to make this place a Greg has done a great job here. People need vored ice cream? more straight-laced campus- that it is a temporary to understand why he's doing this, that he's not head JB+JC: The Wild Bunch. movement which quickly ends. Because without our of the Women's Christian Temperance Union. If some HM: When science goes horribly wrong, the result is individuality, we're just a safety school for Amherst one gets injured on the softball field, Greg gets sued. not unlike the Wild Bunch. Ice cream flavor- whichev hopefuls. And so many Bard students, who will say, 'Oh, what er flavor would make you most likely to retch uncon JB+JC: Amen. Thanks for your time, Ho-meg. ever, no way we'd sue .. .' Well, I'd not be so sure. I trollably. I guess it'd vary. HM: One more thing: mean, if you check the admissions statistics- 37% of JB+JC: Fiesty newcomers The Wolfpack. HM: Can you order me two orders of chicken fingers Bard incoming freshmen identified themselves as HM: A group of people I like, guys you'd like to have a and a bacon cheeseburger? I'm starving. belonging to the ethnic subgroup 'whiny little bitch.• beer with, girls you'd like to be dating you or your JB+JC: Yeah sure man, But I'm out of Bard Bucks. I'll And that's way up. It was 13% when I got here. friends. Ice cream flavor- chocolate chocolate chip- a try to make the quick gettaway though, and avoid the JB+JC: Wow. We can't say we disagree with you. Is good, satisfying flavor. security camera. .., HM: Oh, I have some. Just place the order, and get ~ it true that he hit a ball over 400 feet? JB+JC: Biando's Heroes. n something for yourself. I'll get ii. HM: You must've read that in The Outside World. I HM: A classy group of ballplayers- if Cal Ripken o;I JB+JC: Nell Carter always said you should never turn 11,l wouldn't trust that hastily assembled publication or its played Bard softball, he'd play for Biando's Heroes. '1 war criminal editor-in-chief. Ice cream flavor- plain chocolate- classic, reliable, down a free dinner. '1- JB+JC: Well, Jed doesn't read The Outside World tasty- Biando's Heroes. HM: How could you tell? She always talks with her 0 except for when he's in it. But I read it. Howard, we'd JB+JC: Jackie Harris, a team that belongs on the mouth full! • a' "'n like to know your predictions for who it's gonna come cover of GO, not on a softball field. '1 down to, and who's gonna take it all the way. HM: Funny enough, they get a hard time- but have a n< '1 May 17, 2002 -~- Sir Donald Bradman, scene left, was the Babe Ruth of Cricket. His career test average of 99.94 is almost dou ble of any other player ~¥~fg~,~~~~~~~f\OWwhat he 1s saying please come to our§~~- offlC0•anq ~~p!~IDJl:!9IU in history. me. ii/0, Bard Cricket Club Creates History ir, Brooklyn ·by· I~;-~-~bair HosSq.in Last Sunday, the 5th of May, 2002, Bard Cricket innings as a master defensive batsman keeping his this dream of making Bard proud of its cricket club. Club (BCC) captained by .lmran Ahmed went down to wicket intact for ten·overs. Later lmran Ahmed scored They worked hard with the cricket club and during the Brooklyn to play a match against the Brooklyn Bengal a quick twelve , changing the pace of the game dra last semester for the first time they were able to orga Cricket Club (BBCC). It was the fourth match the matically. Hasan with his injured wrist and aching nize a cricket match outside Bard with the help of a cricket club played outside Bard. The weather was back scored a total of twenty-six runs with two sixes member of the club, Saiful Islam. This being the last great and it was a gorgeous day for playing cricket. in the same over. He ended up being the highest match for both lmran· and Hasan, it was of great emo Winning the toss the captain of BBCC decided to let scorer for BCC. Near the end of the innings Mahmud tional importance to all the members of the team. The BCC bat first. Hussain played a nice innings of twelve runs. BCC team feli highly motivated and all' that they wanted Naimur Rahman and Saiful Islam were the opening was thus able to set a huge target score of 117 runs was to win, and they did, making Bard proud of its batsmen from for BBCC. The high target score raised the asking run cricket team. "Saiful played a !3CC. Mahriar rate to almost six runs an over. opened the Faced with the superb pace of Nikhil's bowling and a long innings as a bowling attack large target score BBCC felt crippled from the very of BBCC. beginning of their innings. Nikhil made the break master defensive Naimur, being through in the innings by taking the first wicket for an attacking BCC. BCC players felt overjoyed. Mahmud took a player keeping batsman in spirit wicket in his very first over. As BBCC was feeling decided to go crushed under the pressure lmran took a three wicket his wicket intact for the big hits haul in his second bowling spell leaving the BBCC from the very players in depair. Hasan made the final breakthrough for ten overs." beginning of the by taking a terrific four wicket haul bringing the BBCC innings. innings to an end. The bowlers were immensely Unfortunately helped by the eager fielders. Tapan Maniar caught a .______.while trying to magnificent catch that allowed for the dismissal of one hit a difficult ball for an over boundary he was caught of the best batsman of BBCC. Proper field setting by brilliantly by Fahim of BBCC. After this early fall of lmran helped the team to restrict BBCC to a total of wicket Reazur Rahman came in to stabilize the posi 102 runs. BCC thus ensured their victory for the first tion of the team. Reazur played sensibly scoring quick time outside Bard. runs. The long lasting partnership of Saiful and The victory was a dream come true for the whole Reazur set the stage for the team to put up a large cricket team. For four long years Hasan and lmran the target score for BBCC to chase. Saiful played a long founding members of the Bard Cricket Club have had "I'll meet you after school in the 7 E3 Playground" by Sean Sullivan On a rainy Thursday May 2nd at the arsenal was the uppercut. He was able Rhinebeck Rec Center, one extraordinary to hit Lenny with it real good quite a bit and exciting event took place on the out when Lenny would be bull rushing inside. fierd of a baseball field. A boxing match In the second round, due to his constant took place between two high spirited and pressure, Lenny was bound to take a few courageous freshmen, Asher Ross and hits, and Lenny Reibstein. Asher managed to bloody his It was scheduled for 8 rounds, at 3 nose. This did not appear to deter Lenny minutes per round. Most ordinary people one bit, as he kept coming forward wanti find it hard to maintain an energy level ng to impose his will. It seemed Lenny necessary for boxing for one full minute, was the type of fighter who is willing to let alone 24._ Both fighters came into the take two hits to get one in, which is often fight having trained very hard. I heard the case with many professional fighters, reports of Lenny doing as many as 500 and it is very commendable. sit ups per day! This fight was very In the third, Lenny's will hyped up among Bardians, and it seemed to be taking its toll on Asher, and showed with the turn out at fight time. he admitted to me in the corner he was Final Thoughts by Dave Tramonte Both these fighters came into the ring getting fatigued. I even noticed Lenny equally matched. However, the wide taunting Asher at times. However, in the spread opinion among Bard students fourth round, Asher was able to suck it I've learned a lot this semester because him being fired in Tampa was that Asher was the underdog. up and come out with renewed vigor. from sports. For one thing, when was ridiculous. The rams should be Daniel Castillo was given the job as This round went like most of the previous playing intramural softball always strong again as well. Referee, and he did a fine job, being rounds. However, after Asher loaded up make sure you see the ball before it More then anything though I completely impartial. with a powerful right cross to Lenny's hits you in the eye. I learned Rugby have learned that boxing really is a There was much controversy about head, causing Lenny to wobble a bit, the tournaments kick ass because I got "sport" and nothing close to a legiti when or even whether this fight would fight was stopped at. 1 :15 of the round. to buy an authentic Australian Rugby mate fight. If two people ever want to take place. On the ride there, with a The right cross prompted Lenny's corner Jersey and play on a team with a settle differences they shouldn't box packed car, Asher blasted his Ce[tic bat to throw in the towel leading to a TKO bunch of Italians from Long Island because it is more skill then aggres tle songs all the way. Looking out the stoppage. This was a smart move as it aptly named the All Stars. I also got sion. That pisses me off because so wjndow, one could see a trail of at least is best to stop a fight before any serious to see dutch nationals smoke and many people run around thinking they 10 or so cars behind us following to see injury can be afflicted. To his credit, drink and then go and play a game. can fight if daddy bought them some the fight. We weren't even the first ones Lenny did not stop the fight, quit, or want From Professional sports I've boxing lessons. In raw, animal, sur there. to stop fighting. He would have gone the ,, learned that the Hockey playoffs are vival of the fittest, no one throws up Both fighters made their way center distance if he'd been able to. really cool. I never really liked their two hands boxing style like the ring, shirtless and complete with proper This was one hell of an event. Hockey and lately I have been mak mascot for Notre Dame. You want to headgear and gloves. After a few One wonders if there are more like this ing myself watch it and gosh is it get real then b·ecome a pit fighter like moments into the first round, Lenny's one to come in the future. In boxing, exciting. the guys in UFC then we can talk team requested the fighters fight without there will always be a winner and a loser, In football with the expansion about "king of the ring.' Until then my headgear. Asher and I refused to comply however both have the chance to gain and with all the free agency move opinion stands that boxing is the car stating that headgear was agreed to the respect of their opponent and their ment next year should be awesome! dio of tennis with the physicality of since the beginning, plus without head peers. Regardless of the -outcome of this These last two superbowls have been the first quarter of football. Just don't gear the combatants would be at a larger fight, it takes a great amount of heart and awful to me. First it was the nazi-esc ever tell a good boxer I said that ..; risk of a bad injury. guts just to step into the ring and duke it Ravens and just a few months ago To make a long story short, if you l::T' Lenny was the aggressor throughout out one-on-one, unsure of what to the Pats stole a win with the help of want to know what a real fight looks () most of the fight, never relenting or for expect, and that is what both fighters the American government trying to like check out a hockey game. I'm td possessed on that evening of May 2nd, almost convinced they practice fight ~ going pressure. Asher combated this aid national pride. But hopefully next '1 j:l.. very well by sticking to the jab and cir 2002. Congratulations to both Asher year a good old-fashioned team can ing techniques in practice before cling the ring, a way of tiring the oppo Ross and Lenny Reibstien for putting it win it all. I'm looking at Pittsburgh to games. I just know pro Hockey teams 0- nent. He was able to keep Lenny at bay all on the line. come up strong with a good lineback hire local hoodlums to come in and encr () and not allow him to land many clean ing group, which includes Farrior, lecture for thirty minutes on the art of '1 punches. An effective weapon of Asher's Bell, and Holmes. Also I'm excited the first punch. And for that I say God ()< • '1 about the Tony Dungy led Colts bless them. r r.-.-May17, 2002 Ill Comic, by Hamish Strong ljHoroslcopesj 1/'. ~ •/, ,;,::;;;;::,,,--_.::~·-- , /, •-,• - down the hatches. ~ ~-- ,/",:::..;.,?', By Madam ,.,__., . //,. .. straighten the mizzenmast and say ~ ..... ,<:r_-~ ••• ~ ~i Babza kovsky-Sm ith, YYaaarrrgghhh. Remember, you can . .~ :..-:::- /;1/r'/ always sail to sunnier waters if //;? ...... ~;- / Contributing Psychic ,,...... ~~,:,:::::-~ ?;,,,- things get bad. The only storm you Astrologer can't sail through is the one that kills you. So be glad you're not a "Someday fate will take commercial fisherman or a luxury boat captain. Also take time to -'Tr/ over and I will lose my job." appreciate the fact that you have • friends and not just a bunch of gruff ·r'\.-- I Ila Leo--Remember that Cranberries co-workers who have Scandinavian song 'Zombie' where the lead singer names. said, "It's in your head," over and over and over again? These lines in Aquarius - Nothing much has been .both a literal and symbolical sense going your way. It's as if the stars will define your upcoming week. and planets have all aligned to fight Beware the undead, and look out for any ounce of happiness you could romance headed your way too. have into a pulp. The future my friend holds better things. Virgo-Life may seem crazier than Specifically I feel that travel and love the sequel to "One Flew over the are a necessary part of your upcom /1/&7:/AITo THE:Fc?,f "''le•U·'-TttE- Fv.v J,l-ly e~r-,.,1! IF yov -r4i9.,,... HT i'•V M. I.S~b $•""'E• Cuckoo's Nest," upsetting your ing months - and I'm not talking /\4AJD"'-. l"L•-r Po1AIT.~ (t>wf. "t.o ul'iltt...~ Cc,,....,L. ,~10,V) 'rt,v ,~aAatY 'P10N'T' ,-, , -'-'G'-t f-i~ t-'-A,fP6-H~.• 0 sense of balance, and leaving every about your drive home from Bard or O"l'>l Libra- Talk to more peo Aires - In times of strife and dis ple this week. Although comfort there are only 3 options - the school year has smoking, drinking or dealing (not as al~ost come to an end, in drugs). Depending on your levels you may feel like you of strife and discomfort you will still haven't met that choose one or two or all three of special someone, If these options. Follow your instincts, not:7ci'out and meet stick to your option, and like all -=JS ...... lots of people until you good mini-series, your efforts will be find them. Or, start \"Je.e;.. two:' (>h. ~ ~. ~(.)~ c:kl"\O. rewarded with epic music and a feel small; meet one person ing of intense satisfaction. Embrace at a time until you find the tears as if they were a pristine the one your looking for. ocean. Then you can talk about how great it would have Taurus - Whooey - talk about a been if you had met close call! I'm telling you, get down earlier in the year, and on your knees and thank your lucky hopefully both learn an stars (get it? cuz th is is a horo important life lesson scope). Now that you have avoided about being outgoing, certain unpleasant outcomes it's .______, or at least about meet- time for you to re-evaluate what it is ing people earlier than that matters to you. Though you Apostrophe by Braden Lamb the end of the year. escaped it this time, without a care ful exploration of your thought and Scorpio-Ah, the sweet smell &ade.11L.,,.,b, F>ro.Je.t'I LA\'\'\b, emotional process (respectively). of succe.ss! Okay, so really you will be destined to repeat these success has no smell, but it unfortunate, unwanted blunders does have a feeling. Right and times of trouble. Think long now it's your touch. Don't and hard and you'll come out all be stingy, pass that success right. around. A handshake here, a pat on the back there, it's Gemini - Ah, the end of the year, a not fun to be the only suc time of introspection and anlyzation. cessful one in a crowd - Like all people you've had your spread it baby, spread it. highs and lows this year. A constant Fun has been the name of need to feel productive has paid off the game and it will contin with a good number of projects and ue, Success and fun, resolutions. The time is now to tie there's nothing better. Go up loose ends and relax, knowing home, relax and beware. that with summer comes heat. You have the option to carry over your Sagittarius - if you had ten dol- RugbyTimes by Lenny Reibstein ·--...... ,._. ,.,___ productivity, build a dollhouse or a 11 ! , . lars would you give me $9 for a ----.-:-r...... ~ r. iA 7:,u,r,,..-.:;:- . , . · -~..· ~ · ~,,.._.....:_~...... :r.. .__ ::,, : tlow t.-."'.x. .. swimming pool, or just sit on your 11 )~,:t,._1,.- :;:-;,:;:-Mt~!~ ~\~~· --4;1 __; j '""""7•~~~,,. ";' ; dollar in quarters. Probably not, parent's sofa and catch up with the 1 ;.D_!'1.Y!O/J ,. ~-~ I~ h,\'~,~~~ ~ce ,,-.,.,.!,· l because sometimes even kids from 90210, Wait, that show i;t, flv<.J~: • , /f/4_ \ ~,~$' 'v"-~~·~----. . . / though things add up, they do was cancelled, guess you could just sit on the couch, :• -' · ,,,f f ,<.. • wti' · ' , .L' ...... j-. I I\\ ....• ~ l .!'' \ :---.,. .,...._,.. .•.. "'- -'•·,,, · ,·.··'..!i mat h t h.1s wee k . If you ' ve got a ,'"?. ✓ • __:_... · ,< ..111 L.+- ~ ...... ; .., ... ~·· ... ., ··'---· \ .... ·; ; , "'-- ,, .-, problem subtract it the add ·,c.1.t·'· •r.,."'". ·. f·- ..... --·-..... ·~,... ·.• .... l' ..~, '.' ..'2'·~-Y ·-·.·· · ·f1±.l'O"l'",;'iJ' \' .·,,,,=• ~· ' Cancer - All you have ever wanted i.. • •~ v" • b ...... - .....-1•- .....ii~ , -~~-~~. --,(1, : ; ;;. .,. _!:J.Vl ' - ,• .; . someth·1nggood to make up the 1 is routine. With so little time left, I "f \T(r:;·";:;:/~~,;::~~;;i; u "boJ:iql.\1. ! difference, multiply and you'll :-:z;~ Lllf7 TI I~r . suggest throwing caution in the --I • -~'"'-\' \\.,:t,~,,.•~;;,:;:.,,!;i~~_t-.·"·'.: JL~ IH. \..... -.1.' ~L,_J have a wonderful week .. Just wind, Spice up your life and the r:r C, · 1---.."-- ""-- '\· \{;y;·-·0.'i#• .."d : -~. • ., · r-"==>~~._. .. .-., ... ·.';'Pf' ·~ don't try any of that co-sine results will be a kind of sponta '--~ ~~;,,-.,..,::=-_:;+-,:-::?;;;;;·.•...... , , ' (::.;_,··--,.,...,,,~ " ·~\~' -.,:,./7 mumbo jumbo, irrational mathe- t::i:i :>;-...-- ;:-"'JV \t - .,w ... -:- ...... ,... • \li .,..- . . neous regularity of surprising events II) -..- ... _...... ·___ , ,. ·•-- •· , ~- , .. - • " mat1cs 1sthe root of all your ,; that will leave you speechless and ~ ...-1...~\J,,'k: ·~~-::::~~-iil~i',-.,'i{[f.:,/ / · -·- ---·- ~ - , ~- · · ...... : ...... woes, · i:i. ,:_~---,,--ll.,..._~ ~ . /lrxv (!l,;f l'kk_;J;,y... ,.ff,.,;, 11',,,,,,,-,A• yet, begging for more. Routine has ..... , ....._i,,, 1"' ~ .= 0 its rewards, but isn't it better not to er 71te Capricorn- If your timbers have '-~~ -;,/ , . ,, ~~r £Jf1 A1.-..s7'e,m,,,,\?I know what your rewards will be? "'C, · "-!! . ,...... ::,1P.f __,,.Jl,-;e,.,~t'J' 1-1, e /;4)(-/: been shaken this week, than its DU6- ,1.,, ; ~ . \ .\ ~~!f·. . l ...• ... , ...... ,._ ' · t/1,'. ~,,;,7 ~ /.. .,,.,t!,r,," 0 ,I' p:., ?, I C, •, , · !· ,. r,hle5 I ,; '• • '• .. '...... •• .. ••d ...... , •• 1.,...... :0..0...... '•"• ...... ,...... ,_ ...... :.... .-._..,.,,_...,.,,..,.._, .....::,: .... u•••••••• .( • • May _17,2002 Page 20 The Bard Observer May 17, 2002 I!)~ I!) • NEWS & FEATURES• The Observer ~ Security Tightens around PAC Construction i by Jaqueline LaDuke, p. 2 I really, really I Security Gau rd Ray and friends keep us safe and arrest the trespassers. needs a person An Intimate Portrait of Our Bangladeshi Classmates, I I by Jacob Cottinham, p. 3 I interested in I Hasan, Mehnaz, Reazur, and lmran have come to represent! being Opinions David Shein To Be Stand-In Dean of Students I I by M. Zubair Hossain, p. 5 I editor next I Don't know him? Well, you will soon. i~ year. i~ i i ~i And as usual, ~ :::-: .... -. -.~~·