Counselor Corner

We’re in this Together! #5

SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL LEARNING​ (SEL)​

Over the last three weeks, we’ve been exploring the field of social emotional learning. In using the RULER framework from the Yale Center on Social , we’ve touched on ways we can help our children recognize in themselves and others, find the source of different emotions and how help learning a descriptive vocabulary enables children to better express what they are thinking and . The “E” in the word RULER represents the ability to appropriately express emotions.

Labeling and expressing emotions are linked. Children cannot share with us their thoughts and without having the descriptive words. Identifying and labeling emotions is a critical step in the development of emotional intelligence. As the emotional vocabulary expands, children can be encouraged to use terms like “hurt” or “hopeless” rather than “ok” or “fine.” It is through the vocabulary that they begin to develop greater self-awareness and recognize how their emotions their actions.

Dr. On Feeling and Expressing... Podcast

EXPRESSING EMOTIONS

We should cry. . .we can’t cry in front of other kids!

Expressing emotions can be tricky. As adults, we’ve learned the unspoken rules referred to as “display rules.” These are the cultural rules or etiquette regarding . These display rules on how, when and where to express or not express emotions cause us to modify our behavior. As adults, we regulate our emotions and we also have learned to regulate when and how to display those emotions. As parents, we will whisper to our children, “this is not the time or the place,” as we help them learn what is socially acceptable.

We help our children learn the cultural and social display rules because we know that emotions can help us or hinder us. For children, their emotional state can influence attention, memory and learning. Decision making, creativity, mental and physical wellbeing are all influenced by our emotional state. When children feel safe, their brains are open to and are motivated to learn. Intense emotions, such as , despair, and can cause children to disengage, become distracted as they think about the source of their . Parents and teachers both have a role in assisting children in appropriately expressing emotions. That means knowing how and when to display our emotions, depending on the setting, the peoplewe’re with and the broader social context.

5 Ways to Help Your Middle-Schooler How to Handle Their Emotions How to Help Your Child Express Feelings

USING “I” MESSAGES ​

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An I-message is a great tool to teach children so that they learn to accurately and effectively express their feelings. When parents model the use of I-messages delivered in a neutral speaking voice, with good eye contact, children learn to deliver their I-messages the same way. Every I-message uses a simple 3-part formula which is always delivered in the same order:

1. Behavior 2. Event 3. Feeling

EASY TO USE “I” STATEMENT FORM FROM THIS: TO THIS:

CONTACT HOURS FOR COUNSELORS

Liz Guidry Rosemary Kelly

[email protected] [email protected] ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ Monday, Wednesday, Friday 7:00 AM-9:00 AM Monday-Friday

Tuesday and Thursday 4:00 PM-6:00 PM 11:00-1:00

512-774-4056 512-387-6436

ACTIVITIES TO DO TOGETHER

I-Messages It’s easy to teach kids the ideal ways to express their emotions but certainly harder to put these concepts into action in our own lives. Below is an activity that parents and children can do together. Begin by writing in their own words on the sand castle pieces in each column to fit the specific situations your students are experiencing. Using the list that you’ve created together, your child can choose one word from each column to create their I-message.

FEELING JOURNALS

Journaling is a great way to help kids process their feelings and better communicate their ideas.

How to create and use a feelings journal to promote discussion

Another type of journal is a visual journal: draw, paint, collage

An easy prompt: How do you feel today?