• Abstract and Figures
• Public Full-text

Chapter 1: It doesn’t need to be said that even Hikigaya Komachi can get angry “What if?” This is a “what if?” scenario. What if life was like a game where you could load up a save file and go back to a point where you could alter your choice? Would your life change in any way? The answer is a resounding no. Only those who were blessed with choices would benefit. To those who never had those choices in the first place, that hypothetical scenario was meaningless. As such, there would be no regrets. More accurately, it was life itself that was the epitome of regrets. That’s how it was. There was also the “little too late” scenario. Once you got started on “what if” scenarios, you wouldn’t see the end of it. Nothing would change regardless of the answer you gave. The moment you had settled on a decision, it was already too late to take it back. Ifs, parallels, and loops were constructs that didn’t exist in this world. In short, the scenarios in life were all linear. Preaching for possibilities was nothing but a futile effort. I was fully aware of how wrong I was. The world, however, was a bigger perpetrator than I was. It was ridden with wars, poverty, discrimination and a bunch of other things. Job hunting could easily go unrewarded with absolutely no offers. Even part time jobs took your pocket change as collateral damage, particularly in the cases where you had to cover the missing amount from your own pocket when you had to do a money count. So where exactly did this world’s truth exist? A truth defined by the wrongdoings of this world couldn’t be called a truth at all. On the other hand, the truth may very well be in the form of all that was wrong in that world instead. But, was there any meaning in trying to prolong something that was bound to end? Eventually, you’ll lose everything. This was an absolute truth. But still, even so. The eventual loss of everything had beauty to it. The eventual end of everything had meaning to it. Even things like temporary repose, a combination of stagnation and uncertainty in life, would eventually be something you couldn't deal with anymore. Coming to terms with these truths was what you should be doing. One day, sure enough, you’ll look back on the things you had lost as if they were treasures you had come to adore and as if they were similar to the happiness of drinking sake by yourself. × × × What an unpleasant morning. The clear weather skies were accompanied with a chilly wind that softly shook the windows. In the room was a relaxing space that invited napping temptations. Really, what an unpleasant morning. It was the Monday after getting back from the field trip that finished up the break. Mondays gave preemptive rise to feelings of melancholy. After I forced my sluggish body out of bed, I squirmed my way towards the washroom. I looked at the mirror with half-awake eyes. Reflected every time was me. …Hmph, the same as always. Indeed, I was as unchanging as ever to the point that it was sort of anti-climactic. Everything reflected in the mirror compromised the basic fundamentals of what made me: the feeling of not wanting to go to school, the feeling of wanting to just sit around all day and do nothing, and the feeling of oncoming homesickness moments after I leave the house. But there was something different. The water I splashed on my face was colder than usual. With the autumn season over, it was safe to say it was now winter. November was coming to a close and what remained of the year was just one more month. My parents had left early for work to avoid the commuting rush. The upcoming seasons were prime time for when people would barely make it on time to work or when people took late hours since it was unnecessarily crowded. As expected, people were still weak to the winter mornings even after becoming an adult. After all, anyone would want to stay cooped up in their futon until the very last second. Even so, they all had a reason why they needed to continue working. There was little doubt there were people who acted based on proactive reasons. But, on the flip side, there were people who only acted that way because society had demanded that of them. To avoid being the odd one out, they went with the flow but at the same time, making sure it was a natural transition. In short, people acted only when there was something to gain and nothing to lose. My face that was reflected by the mirror was clearly as normal as any other person. But my eyes that stared directly back at me wasn’t by all means ordinary; the rottenness in the eyes were nothing short of being at the pinnacle of all high schools throughout. But that was what made it me. That was what made it Hikigaya Hachiman. Satisfied with my unchanging self, I left the washroom. When I entered the living room, my sister Komachi was standing in the kitchen. She took a daunting pose as she stood in front of the teapot. Since my parents had finished their breakfast early, the menu was already set to be Japanese. Once Komachi brought out the tea, everything was ready. The water began boiling as soon as I pulled out the chair. Komachi poured the water into the teapot and quickly raised her head. “Ah, morning onii-chan.” “Yep. Morning.” We exchanged our morning greetings. After, Komachi spoke with an impressed tone. “…You seem kinda wide awake today.” I titled my head when she said that. Was I normally that bad of a morning person? Wait, no, on second thought, of course I’d be weak in the morning. My blood pressure wasn’t low by all means but you probably couldn’t say the same for my motivation. That said, Komachi wasn’t always entirely wrong when she pointed something out to me. But true enough, I really was fully awake today. “…Aah, well, the water was pretty cold when I washed my face earlier.” I blurted out the first thing that came to mind as my reason and Komachi looked at me dubiously. “Uh huh… I’m pretty sure there’s nothing different with the water though.” “It got pretty cold all of a sudden, didn’t it? Anyway, hurry up and let’s eat so we can go to school.” “Ah, okay.” She carried the tea kettle over to the dining table while making a lot of stepping noises with her slippers on. It seems that my family did not pick Ayataka as the brand of tea to be in the tea kettle. After we sat in our seats, we clapped our hands and gave thanks for our food in sync. During the winter season, the Hikigaya household Japanese meals consisted of primarily warm meals and miso soup. The miso soup’s purpose was to warm up your body before you head out. Overflowing love from mom, I suppose. I blew at my miso soup to cool it down since I was the owner of the sensitivity of a cat’s tongue. When I looked at Komachi who was doing the same thing, our eyes met. Komachi placed her bowl on the table gently and slowly spoke up. “…Hey.” “Hm?” I responded and gave her a glance that suggested her to continue. When I did, Komachi asked me as if she was probing something. “Did something happen?” “Nothing at all… Instead, think about this. Absolutely nothing happened in this life of mine. They say that an evil may sometimes turn out to be a blessing in disguise. So, on that assumption, it might be better for something to happen after all. Like, if you contracted some chronic disease, you’ll end up going to the hospital often but on the contrary, you’ll end up being healthy. In that sense, if nothing happened then that means there might possibly be a storm brewing up soon.” I spat those words in one breath only to have Komachi blink at me in surprise. “What’s wrong, onii-chan?” Completely normal. A completely normal reaction. She asked without the slightest hint of being affected. I mean, everything I said was completely stupid, but aren’t you going to say something about it? I really had to rack my brain to come up with all that too… As expected, Monday completely threw me off. “Well, you know… Basically, nothing happened.” I carried the sunny side eggs up to my mouth with a quick motion. But still, were sunny-side eggs more of a Western dish or a Japanese dish? After hearing my reply, Komachi answered indifferently. Komachi pushed her tray aside to learn forward and peered into my face. “Heey, did you know?” “What? Mameshiba?” [1] Or maybe she was a sheltered cat which meant she was a sheltered princess. Wait, maybe she was the rice monster Pappu[2], we’re in the middle of breakfast after all. There was no way she was acting like Flabby Panda[3] either. Komachi wasn’t flabby in the slightest. In the first place, leaning forward meant emphasizing her chest so it might be better for her to get a little flabbier there. Actually no, there’s no need for that.

Load more

  296

Copy Link