“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1511 FELIX 17.02.12 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 TALKING TO THE SABBATICALS As nominations open for this year’s Union elections, Felix talks to the current Sabbs to fi nd out what exactly they have been doing for you: Page 6 Black tie for Summer Ball SCIENCE Sit-down formal dinner back on the menu for this year’s event

Matthew Colvin der to make the dinner viable, there will It is currently planned for one cash bar been approved by the Union’s Executive be a minimum attendance fi gure. If this to be located in each venue, but should Committee and a “Summer Ball Forum” In a paper brought to Imperial College fi gure is not reached by a yet-to-be con- the number of tickets sold approach will be organised to receive feedback Union Council last Monday (February fi rmed date, the dinner will be cancelled 1,500, a cashless system will be consid- from the student body. 13) Deputy President (Finance & Servic- and refunds will be provided to those af- ered. Speaking at the Council meeting, Mind-reading es) Michael Foster outlined plans for this fected. The fairground also makes a return, Foster confi rmed that this year’s Ball year’s Summer Ball, which will see the Though entertainment is also yet to be alongside fi reworks and the after-party would see “a return to the style of 2010 machines return of black-tie and a formal dinner. confi rmed, it is expected that acts will be (priced between £5 and £7), which will and earlier” while maintaining a “very The event, to be held one week later spread across the Queen’s Lawn Stage begin at 11pm in the Union building, fi n- conservative and low-risk budget”. This Page 8 than usual on Saturday 23 June, is cur- and the Great Hall, with one headline ishing at 5am. follows last year’s Summer Ball, which rently planned to begin at 5:30pm with act performing on each, accompanied by In the passed paper (calling for Coun- broke from tradition and took the format a formal sit-down dinner held in the support from bands and DJs. Entertain- cil to agree to the general plan for the of an all-day festival. The event saw ap- Queen’s Tower Rooms. The capacity ment will run from 8pm until midnight event) Foster writes that the goal for proximately 1,500 tickets sold, after a for this will be 350 people. Menus and and tickets will be priced between £25 this year’s event is to be “fun and af- projected attendance of 3,850, and saw prices have yet to be confi rmed. In or- and £30 pending further budget analysis. fordable”. The preliminary budget has an approximate loss of £100,000. BOOKS

COULD YOU Alexander Karapetian RIG THE NATIONAL Taking a look at this year’s Picocon lineup STUDENT Page 28 SURVEY? Page 3 FOOD Possibility of impersonating students Results could be biased in A Fairtrade food Imperial’s competition favour Page 30 2 Friday 17 february 2012 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS What’s on UNION ELECTIONS CLASSIFIEDS Medic RAG Week It’s that time of year again... Yes ladies and gents, ICSM RAG Week is here! Consider this Freshers’ Week take 2, except bet- ter, because this time round you’ve all had prac- tice! Get involved – it’s for charity so anything goes It’s one of those (and when I say anything, i mean ANYTHING!) All the money raised will be going to the Teenage Can- cer Trust. Join the Facebook group for more info! weeks.

Monday 20 February • 6am: Commuter Collect (SK/City) • 7:30pm: RAG Games (Reynolds) Need to sell some- Tuesday 21 February • 12pm: Midday MONEY (SAF Building/City/SK) thing? • 10pm: RAG @ Boujis (SK)

Wednesday 22 February • 10am: Invasion (London) – meet in SAF Building Invasion of the Stick Men – I’m claiming royalties for the inevitable fi lm at 9:30am. Theme: OLYMPICS Let us know. • 7:30pm: RAG does Sports Night (Reynolds) So here we are again... Thursday 23 February Please. • 10:30am onwards: Circle Line Collect (SAFB/ Prepare yourselves for weeks of SAF Pad/Reynolds/Circle Line) • 10pm: Circle Line Afterparty at Walkabout, campaigning: lecture theatres littered with Shepherds Bush sugary bribes and outlandish heartfelt Just so we’re clear, Felix accepts no responsibility Friday 24 February for services bought or sold, capiche? Good. • 7:30pm: RAG Review (Reynolds) promises; campus littered with fl yers that • 9:30pm: RAG BOP – THINGS THAT CHILDREN LIKE & THINGS THAT LIKE CHILDREN (Reynolds) really do need recycling.

Don’t miss out. You’ll regret it if you do! Things are a little different this year, as Lizzy Kostov – ICSMSU RAG Chair 2011/12 Faculty Union elections are being run at the same time, so why not take the time Lolcat of teh week Cupcake Sale to read up on the latest goings on at Help Project Nepal raise funds for a school build- imperialcollegeunion.org/elections? ing project at their Cupcake Sale on Monday 20 February in the Junior Common Room. Editor

CUPCAKES Cupcakes FOR SALE! An apology for last

Help us to raise funds for a school building project in Chitwan, a rural town week’s Hangman: in Nepal.

Project Nepal Editorial – Page 12

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2012.

Editor-in-Chief Matthew Colvin Deputy Editor Charles Betts News Editors Sophia David Alex Nowbar Reporters Tim Arbabzadah Alexander Karapetian Philip Kent Features Editors Katy Bettany Stephen Smith Sports Editor Indy Leclercq Sports Rookies Gabriel Oppetit Johnny Wong Science Editors Kelly Oakes Alexander Karapetian Politics Editors Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Technology Editors Chris Bowers Feroz Salam Comment Editors Tim Arbabzadah Samuel Horti Arts Editors Will Prince Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Mark England Simon Hunter Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Alex Ramadan Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang Television Editors George Barnett James Simpson Film Editors John Park Lucy Wiles Games Editor Laurence Pope Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Food Editors Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas Travel Editors Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson Online Editors Chris Birkett Philip Kent Jonathan Kim Puzzles Captain James Hook Photo Editor Miles Robertson Copy Editors Carol Ann Cheah Iulia Gherman Philip Kent Jonathan Peek Annina Sartor FELIX Friday 17 february 2012 3 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS Flaws exposed in NSS Union to lobby council Student survey data could be skewed over Exhibition Road

Alexander Karapetian Tim Arbabzadah quotation marks, everyone can rest as- sured it’s absurd. In a paper brought to Union Council on The ‘roundabout’ in question is lo- Monday 13 February by Deputy Presi- cated outside the Business School. This dent (Welfare) Nicolas Massie, the is, unlike every other roundabout, just Union proposed to lobby Westminster a crossroads with a circle painted on it. City Council about multiple concerns The paper also raised concerns over the with the new Exhibition Road layout. “800 metres [of Exhibition Road] with- The paper pointed out the “uncertainty out assisted crossing”. about the boundaries of the road on the The paper was ultimately passed, west side, particularly the tactile bor- and it was decided that the Union Rigging away? Information gained from the TeachDB database includes name, CID, and year ders”. should lobby Westminster City Coun- It went on to point out that the “use of cil to clarify several points, including the ‘roundabout’ (Prince Consort Road “whether it is a shared space”. Another Alexander Karapetian search again for third year and got a (or the student) batting an eyelid for and Exhibition Road) is unclear and issue to be lobbied for is to put up signs list of 200. Since we can’t be sure all suspicious activity. has increased the risk to cyclists”. informing people of the rules of the Students from the Department of third years are in their fi nal year, we’ll Felix contacted Jason Parmar, Dep- When even the Union begins to use road. Computing have teamed up with Fe- go with the dataset of fourth years. uty President (Education), about the lix to uncover methods which can be The information we got? Stu- ability to fi ll in the NSS many times, Jonathan Peek used to skew data being submitted to dents’ pictures, their login, their full since students were confused as to the National Student Survey (NSS) in fi rst name and last name, the degree what happened to their responses. In favour of Imperial College. they’re on, their CID number and year an inconsistent manner, accessing the The fl aws rely on the availability of entry. All in a neat, tabular and ma- NSS using the introductory email and of basic information required to pose chine readable format. With this in- attempting to complete it subsequent- as another student in the survey, and formation, it would be a piece of cake ly causes it to fail with the response: the process can be automated to mass to produce a proof of concept appli- “Thank you for your interest in par- impersonate entire departments. The cation that can automatically harvest ticipating in this survey. You have NSS is a survey for fi nal year students fi nal year student data from this data- already completed the survey”. Ac- conducted by Ipsos MORI, the second base, cross reference it with another cessing it via their website and click- largest market research organisation service like Facebook (made even eas- ing through to “complete the survey”, in the UK, on behalf of the Higher Ed- ier using their new social graph pro- however, allows students to redo it an ucation Funding Council for England gramming interface) for their day and unbounded number of times, leaving it (HEFCE). The results from the NSS month of birth (never mind privacy unclear what the impact is on results. have been used heavily to determine settings, some profi les show more to Jason Parmar contacted Senior As- student satisfaction levels and affect the Imperial network by default) and sistant Registrar (Quality Assurance The unveiling of the new Exhibition Road, not lobbying in action university rankings. fi ll in the NSS as all of them by itself. & Data) Rebecca Penny, who spoke Entering the NSS via thestudent- with Ipsos MORI and confi rmed that survey.com requires the responder to “students can complete the survey enter the institution they are currently “Anything less than more than once, however only the fi rst enrolled at, their student number (CID response they submit will be counted Sponsored Editorial in Imperial’s case), the fi rst letter of total veracity is a in the results”. their fi rst name and the fi rst four char- James Greenhalgh, a DoC student, acters of their last name. Along with disastrous breach of and Tom Wilshere, Computing De- merely the day and month (not year) partment Representative, told Felix of birth, this information is all that reputation” their feelings on the matter, saying: More student cuts is necessary to undertake the survey. “for a survey so important in inform- Upon entering these details, the NSS ing the immediate future decisions of claims to “check [them] against the And this is just one database in one thousands of school leavers, anything National Student Survey 2012 target department – if such a thing exists in less that total veracity is a disastrous Discount haircuts for Imperial population” for eligibility. DoC, could other departments within breach of reputation”. Little do they know many universi- Imperial provide such accessible re- James raised his concerns and said students at Fresh Hairdressers ties and their departments provide da- cords? In fact, taking other universi- that “if these bugs have existed in pre- tabases of students with their associ- ties’ engines and similarly readily vious years then newspapers are not ated information to enrolled members. available information into account, only foolish to provide such heavy More student cuts for Imperial To book an appointment, Take our Department of Computing’s suddenly the results of the NSS don’t weighting to the results, but also dam- students at South Kensington’s call 0207 823 8968. Ask for a (DoC) TeachDB database for instance. seem so trustworthy anymore. aging”, adding that this “cavalier ap- FRESH Hairdressers. student discount and bring your Students from this department can log What if some students have already proach to the futures of school leav- Men’s cuts £22 Imperial ID. in using their basic credentials and are fi lled in the survey, however? Funnily ers, especially given the increased Women’s shampoo and cut faced with a full search engine for stu- enough, the exposure of a second fl aw fi nancial burden they face, and to the and shake dry £28 dents, staff, degrees, courses, UTAs, makes our automated rigging process future of already embattled academics Women’s shampoo, cut and GTAs and books. Think in terms of even more tempting. A student can shows yet another fundamental fl aw blow-dry £38 the database Mark Zuckerberg used to fi ll in the NSS as many times as they in our country’s obsessive need to All of our cuts are done by grab students’ pictures and start Face- want, with their fi rst response taking arbitrarily order all public establish- highly experienced stylists. book back in Harvard. precedence over all others. Simply ments”. Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to Felix logged into the DoC TeachDB put, one can write code to automate The questions which remain are 4.30 (sorry no discounts on network and performed a search for fi lling in the survey by impersonat- how long these problems have existed Saturdays). all students in their fourth year. No ing many students on the fi rst day (or and whether other universities have We are only 70 metres from other details were required and we even the fi rst few hours) of the survey been exploiting the issues described. South Kensington tube station can confi rm wildcard searches such opening, and overwrite all their future Could Imperial’s drop below UCL be as these are allowed. What resulted responses with 100% satisfaction for explained by us simply being more was a list of 160 students. We ran the everything eligible without the system honest? 4 Friday 17 FEBRUARY 2012 FELIX News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar NEWS [email protected] New clubs at risk of rejection given chance Proposals to determine viability of new ventures include test events

Sophia David then presenting their application to a the prospective club with facilities to would join the club and whether they Monya Zard, Deputy President (Clubs committee at a meeting. The commit- book a room for a test event, put up have any suggestions for improve- & Societies), told the applicants that New proposals set out by the Union tee then decides whether to accept or posters using the Union logo, create ments. After the event, the applicants the committee “felt there was not could mean that some prospective reject the application. However, often a Facebook group using the Union’s must update their New Club Form enough ‘substance’ to be a club.” She clubs and societies at risk of rejec- the Committee must make decisions name and provide direct support from and, currently, resubmit it to the New added, “The social aspect seemed tion must hold a test event in order leading to the acceptance of clubs the Deputy President (Clubs & Soci- Clubs Committee for a final decision rather minor and for the activities you to judge their viability and popularity. which subsequently become unsuc- eties) and relevant Union Staff to run to be made. want to run, such as attending confer- The suggested changes aim to ease cessful, or the rejection of proposed the test event. The NCI would also Currently, clubs are often rejected if ences, running campaigns and rais- decisions made by the New Clubs clubs whose applicants are told to re- provide support and training to the the prospective club overlaps with ex- ing awareness it would be better to Committee on whether to accept or apply once certain issues have been prospective club founders so that they isting clubs, the proposed club is not use the recently developed Campaign reject “border-line” applications of addressed. are in a stronger position if the club feasible given the resources required, system in conjunction with both the clubs whose future success is unclear. If implemented, the proposals is approved. the club has previously existed but Gender Equality Officer and Deputy However, the proposals are yet to be would not change the submission pro- The test event would be attended was closed due to lack of interest, President (Welfare).” approved by the Clubs & Societies cess but allow the committee a third by the Deputy President who would there are concerns over committee Rejected applicants can reapply as Board. choice rather than accepting or reject- provide assistance as well as evaluate experience, the interest in the club is many times as they like, or appeal The current process for the creation ing the application immediately. If its success. Attendees would also be questionable or if the proposed club the decision to the Clubs & Societies of new Clubs, Societies & Projects they feel the club is viable but would asked to fill in a short feedback form does not have enough events to deem Board but should this be unsuccess- involves the interested group fill- benefit from a test run, they could de- which would ask whether they en- it viable. ful, they cannot reapply to further ing out a New Club or Project Form cide to put it into the New Club Incu- joyed the event, if they would come Recently, an application for a Gen- New Clubs Committees. available from the Union website and bator (NCI). The NCI would provide to similar events again, whether they der Equality Society was rejected. Comment: Page 14 FELIX Friday 17 february 2012 5 NEWS Nominations open for Union Big Elections

Alexander Karapetian Paul Beaumont worked with Jonathan one system. As a result, all positions opens, and a number of technical (as Parmar tweeted that the hashtag of the Philip Kent Kim, responsible for many web projects are shown in one list and can be hard to well as aesthetic) improvements have week should be #loveyourrep for Rep including FelixOnline, to produce the navigate. Beaumont told Felix that this been made. For instance, the stats will Week. On the suggestion of a hashtag Nominations for the Union’s ‘Big Elec- new website’s features. was due to “there being one overseeing now be pushed to clients from the server war, Beaumont explained that he be- tions’ opened on Monday 13 February When the 2011 Sabbatical and Stu- returning offi cer” and that “things will rather than the browser frequently pull- lieves “the Union’s tweeting as much with students able to put themselves for- dent Trustee elections opened, the site change once nominations close”. It is a ing data, reducing load and the poten- for the elections as it is for rep week, ward as candidates for departmental and crashed due to high demand, causing all constitutional requirement that the list of tial of crashing. When the nominations and the reps have had more of a physi- sabbatical positions. The site’s look and other resources on the server to become all positions is shown, and Union Presi- website went live and the Union adver- cal presence across campus”. He added feel has been radically changed from temporarily unavailable. This was due tised that they were open, the site was that the “elections will get physical in a previous elections, and the voting sta- to the marketing and elections systems still not accepting logins to the elections couple of weeks”. tistics have reportedly been revamped. being on the same server which hosts “Elections will get system. Beaumont explained that “the The electronic ballot box for voting The decision to make the elections clubs’ and societies’ webpages, Dou- server was tested for a fortnight and its has also been improved, with candi- different came from the central services gal. The union has four servers: Pinky, physical in a couple time had gone out of sync by twenty dates’ manifestos and pictures being manager and marketing departments in Perky, Dougal and Heeps, of which minutes in that period”, adding that “it’s displayed on the voting screen, shuffl ed the union, who believe the change will Beaumont is in charge of the latter two. of weeks” fi ne now since the server is safe and se- for fairness. A brief explanation of the increase turnout even more. The new Steps have been taken to ensure such cure in one of the College’s datacenters, Single Transferable Vote (STV) system logo and redesign was used to improve a crash does not happen this time, with and the server has been set to autosync is also provided, and the list of sec- usability and rid the elections website the voting website being moved to the dent Scott Heath’s interpretation of the time”, assuring it will never go wrong onders (constitutionally made public) of the previously used grey and green Perky server in order to restrict access constitution has resulted in the display again. may be used in the marketing website. colour scheme, bringing the site in line to union staff only and prevent high de- of the number of seconders a candidate The offi cial Twitter hashtag for the Beaumont told Felix that he is “happy with imperialcollegeunion.org and eAc- mand taking down other vital resources. has being capped at the maximum of 20. elections is #voteicu, which started to with how the system’s been received” tivities. Union Systems Administrator The Big Elections include faculty The statistics website will go live receive use around the same time as and that he thinks “everyone’s taken it and RCSU Vice President (Operations) and departmental positions all under around the weekend before voting Deputy President (Education) Jason well”. Driving Lessons For Imperial Students

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To make inquiries and book lessons, call 07808 610 898 6 Friday 17 FEBRUARY 2012 FELIX News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar NEWS [email protected] Thinking of running? It could be you... As nominations open, Matthew Colvin speaks to two of this year’s Sabbatical Offi cers about their time in offi ce Michael Foster Monya Zard Deputy President Deputy President (Finance & Services) (Clubs & Societies)

The DPFS is responsible for the Imperial has over 300 Clubs, So- fi nances of the Union; the bars, cieties & Projects. The DPCS is in Metric, shops and Clubs & Socie- charge of overseeing all of them – ties all fall under his remit from Freshers’ Fair onwards

hat have you enjoyed most? as quickly as I had thought. I’m confi dent that hat have you enjoyed most? and you realise the scale of some of the things that I think it’s working in the some move can be made, though. The other main Freshers’ Fair! It was a lot of you’ve got to do, and also as other things keep get- Union and being part of a manifesto points included an improvement in the work and was very stressful, ting added onto your project list, it becomes a little team. It’s a very good atmo- standard of bar service; things have improved but it was defi nitely the most bit harder to achieve them all in the time frame sphere to work in and it really gradually for the past few months but with the ex- rewarding experience of the you imagined. helpsW you do your role and also to see that you perience and knowledge of our new management yearW so far; it was such a huge event and it’s some- help other people do theirs as well – everyone’s the standard will increase at a much regular rate. thing that you know you have to get right because Is there such a thing as an average day? got something to contribute and build on. Specifi - I’m also very satisfi ed with the progress of online it’s going to be the new students’ fi rst experience While there is some answering of emails and club cally within my role, I’ve enjoyed getting stuck fi nances. of Student Activities. The reason it’s so reward- questions, you could also be mediating between into policy and operational matters, and making ing and why I enjoyed it so much was because you club committees. You could have a meeting with decisions on how we run commercial services. Is there such a thing as an average day? have to rely on the fact that volunteers are going be college, talking, for example, about Sport Imperial I’ve also really enjoyed seeing online fi nances re- There is such a thing, as a lot of my time is taken there – that’s not just the club members, but also or Arts Imperial or about trying to get some more ally develop and be rolled out in a big way – obvi- up by admin! There are also various little tasks the Management Groups who come there on the money from the IC Trust for Tour Funding. On the ously I’m building on the work of my predecessors – almost housekeeping – such as responding to day at 7 in the morning to help you set everything other hand, you could have meetings with exter- but it’s good to see that fi nally come to fruition. queries on fi nancial matters. When that’s all done up. It’s stressful because you know you are relying nals like BUCS or National Governing Bodies – so I take the chance to look at how we provide func- on people who aren’t necessarily paid to do the job there’s never really a typical day. What have you enjoyed least? tions and dinners at the Union, at what we’re do- they’re doing, but one of the things that makes it At the beginning it was hard to manage my time. ing for the Summer Ball, at new ways of clubs so great is that everyone pulls together to make it a What have you gained from being DPCS? I found that the admin was taking up a lot of my saving money or how better to streamline our on- fantastic event on the day! Defi nitely being calm under pressure – there’s a time and that was hard because it meant that I line fi nancial systems. lot going on, and you have to be able to juggle all couldn’t focus on what I came into the role to do. What have you enjoyed least? of that. I’ve really enjoyed all the different things Also, I think it’s fair to say that I didn’t enjoy the What have you gained from being DPFS? The times when people come to you with some- that you get to do in one year that you probably backlash from the Responsible Retailing Policy I have learned about how to manage my time, thing that they’ve left right until the last minute: wouldn’t get to do in any other job. I’ve sat on and the new bar nights procedure. I understand how to prioritise my tasks and how to generally be maybe it’s an event that they’re having that eve- recruiting interview panels, which have been re- the backlash, but it’s never a nice thing to receive more effective. I’ve also learned to do what will ning or in a week and they’ve not sorted something ally great fun but on a personal level the thing I’ve criticism and it’s quite stressful. I was able to re- have the most impact and to accept that there are out. You just have to be prepared to drop every- gained the most is that the people you work with spond to criticisms and of course I’m glad for the some smaller things that I can’t resolve as quickly thing to help them with their problem, because become your friends. In particular this includes the experience, but at the time it was very diffi cult. as I would like – that’s been diffi cult to do because although you could try and tell them afterwards Management Groups and Club Chairs who come every club is important, every club has its own “next time, don’t leave it so late,” at this point they and see you and who work with you on an almost What has been your biggest challenge in the problems and similarly different parts of commer- want to have the event. You do get the satisfaction day-to-day basis. It’s incredible the amount of time role? cial services have their own problems, but there in knowing that, afterwards, they are grateful for they put in and they do become really good friends. The biggest challenge has been trying to com- are some bigger issues that need to take priority your help. municate to the student body that, while we are at the expense of others. Further, I think I’ve also What advice would you give to those consider- here to represent them over their time at Imperial learnt the importance of not just making decisions What has been your biggest challenge in the ing running for DPCS? and their student experience, there has to be an but also communicating them effectively and in role? The fi rst thing to say is that you don’t have to have implicit acceptance that the Union is also a busi- good time, and the rationale behind them. Learning how to manage your time. As I’ve said, been the chair of a club or been involved in the ness. There are times when the Union does have people come in at the last minute with things that Union before. Even if you were the chair of one to make money and that may not go down well What advice would you give to those consider- need doing but at the same time you get a lot of club, there are 300 at Imperial and the variety of with some of the traditions of the clubs but we do ing running for DPFS? enquiries from people, a lot of clubs that ask you stuff that we do is huge – there’s no way you’d need to make sure that the Union sticks around for If you’re concerned that you don’t have the ex- for help, and you also want to achieve the bigger know all the answers to the questions anyway. You years to come. perience, then that’s a non-issue, we have very goals that you set for yourself that year. Learning don’t have to have any prior experience, but what good training. We can bring you up to speed how to manage all of those and learning how to fi t do you have to have is a passion for Student Ac- How far have you delivered on your manifesto very quickly and there is an extensive handover them all into your day can sometimes mean work- tivities. You have to have lot of energy to dedicate points? period so you can learn the ropes very quickly. I ing very long days, or it can sometimes mean being to the role, because sometimes you’ll be working Not yet, but we’re just over halfway through the would also say that if you are passionate about fi - prepared to shift everything in your calendar at the long hours and sometimes you’ll have to do things year. One of my manifesto points was about the nance and commercial services, and you see a lot drop of a hat. that aren’t really the most fun jobs in the world, but Summer Ball so that’s only just ramping up now. of things that you have ideas to change and you hopefully this year we’ve managed to eliminate a Another of my points (which is a regular appear- think could be much better, then you’ll always How far have you delivered on your manifesto lot of those. Actually, one of the things we’ve been ance on DPFS manifestos) was about cashless have something to contribute. There will be a staff points? working on is making the role less admin-based payments. We are looking into our suppliers of team around you who have got the experience to I’d say I’m just over halfway through. Some of and more ‘get out there and make actual changes’. payment systems and we’re also looking to work help you implement your ideas and you certainly them are a lot more long term than Freshers’ Fair, The things you’ll learn in handover will cover with college to see if they are willing to help us won’t be isolated. You’ll fi nd it quite a satisfying particularly looking at storage. Ultimately, you what you have to know and no-one knows all the with that. However, because we need to look at experience to try and make a difference in the way come into this job thinking you’re going to achieve answers – even now in February I’m still looking all the options available to us it’s not happening fi nance and services are run. everything on your manifesto, but once you start up the answers to questions! FELIX Friday 17 february 2012 7 Features Editors: Katy Bettany Stephen Smith [email protected] FEATURE Gate crashing the Oxford Climate Forum Caroline Wood escapes London for a sustainable future

ery early on Saturday erty to care about climate change?” were ambitious and most exciting solution was in spite of political and funding issues. people are scared to listen to warnings morning, whilst Freshers discussed with a refreshingly realistic called DESTERTEC. DESERTEC’s vi- Jeremy Leggett, described by the Ob- about peak oil. There is a deeply rooted were making their way stance. Yet despite the stimulating topics, sion is to harness solar energy from de- server as “Britain’s most respected green defence of the status quo, and we need home from Fabric, I was heartfelt talks and optimistic vibe, I was serts, and transport the energy generated energy boss”, a social entrepreneur, and seismic change that can make green ideas venturing across London still not feeling particularly inspired. via international grids. Yes, that’s deserts author of The Carbon War and Half Gone go viral and go global. Vfor an entirely different reason. I was bat- Over lunch, a friend from Oxford (meaning Africa and the Middle East) gave a compelling closing speech. Prag- So there you have it. A great day came tling my way through the bitterly cold walked us round the beautiful grounds of and international grids (meaning politi- matic and persuasive, Jeremy left us with to an end. 200 people ventured out of morning air so that I could catch a train Worcester College (a depressing remind- cal negotiations). I told you it was ambi- some motivating closing thoughts: we can Oxford’s town hall, into the freshly fall- from London Paddington to Oxford in or- er of how ugly the Sherfi eld building re- tious. However, given the fact that in just use existing technologies to get where we en snow, feeling motivated and inspired der to attend the annual Oxford Climate ally is) and we all agreed that we were im- 6 hours deserts receive more energy from want to be. If we mix and match exist- to keep working towards a sustainable Forum. The Oxford Climate Forum is pressed, but not blown away. We came to the sun than human-kind consumes in a ing technologies, we can domestically future – my sceptical friend from UCL the country’s highest-profi le conference the conclusion that the reason we weren’t year, it seems the idea is worth pursuing provide enough energy for the UK. But included. on climate change organised entirely by high on inspiration was because all the students bringing leading thinkers and talks had been focusing on the problems, doers under one roof to discuss the key but none of them provided any solutions. environmental concerns facing the global Luckily, the afternoon sessions served community. As a sustainability enthusiast, up plenty of what we wanted. “The not even the malfunctioning heating sys- Greenest Government Ever?” session tems on Great Western trains could deter kicked off the afternoon. Tom Burke, my excitement about this event. It was founding director of the think tank E3G, 7am on a Saturday morning, I was sat on former Executive Director of Friends of a (literally) freezing cold train and I was the Earth and visiting professor here at raring to go! Imperial College London (and UCL) was Unfortunately, things weren’t entirely one of the more enigmatic panellists from this session. On energy politics of the future, he urged us to take collective ac- “How can we tion, to get involved in politics, and boldly summed up the session by saying “If equitably share the you’re under 40, you’d better start doing burden of climate something!” Mark Lynas kept mid-afternoon sleepi- change?” ness at bay by conducting a fun and in-

that idyllic. I’d managed to persuade a “If you’re under 40, friend from UCL to come with me, and whilst I was feeling gleeful and inspired you’d better start as we trundled past frost-covered fi elds glittering in the morning sun, she was doing something!” feeling tired, cold and in desperate need of caffeine. I sure hoped that this event would be worth the journey. teractive session called “Future visions”. The fi rst talk of the morning was from Using the DECC 2050 energy pathways lawyer Polly Higgins, who pledged that calculator, he managed to get an audi- we need to govern the planet’s right to ence of 200 to predict the UK’s energy life as we do for humans. In order to do supply and demand in 2050. The good this she believes that Ecocide is the miss- news is that, with current technology, we ing 5th Crime Against Peace and that it can make it to a zero carbon economy should sit alongside genocide as an in- by 2050 (just)! The bad news is that us- ternational crime throughout the world. ing our demand predictions, we need to She made a convincing argument and be wildly ambitious about the number of managed to express what can sometimes offshore wind-farms, solar panelled roofs sound like hippy-speak in an authorita- and biomass power stations we can install tive manner. However, I was not blown in under 40 years... away. Imposing laws and trying to change But unsurprisingly, like any true Impe- social attitudes is not, in my view, the best rialite, my absolute favourite session of pathway to a sustainable future. the day was called “Can Technology Beat Other morning sessions threw up diffi - Climate Change?” Dr. Ralph Clague of cult questions such as “do developing na- Gordon Murray Design Limited, a world tions have a right to rapid development or leader in automotive design, showed us a responsibility to develop sustainably?” how the vision of electric powered cars and “how can we equitably share the bur- could become a reality. He showed us den of climate change?” The issues raised prototype low carbon city cars (which were tackled with vigour, intellect, and are thankfully much prettier than the G- enthusiasm, with speakers from a broad wizz) and talked us through their new range of backgrounds, including aca- effi cient production process called iS- demia, business, and charity offering a tream (commendably admitting that it far-reaching and deep range of expertise. was indeed named iStream as “anything Even seemingly impenetrable questions sounds cool if you put an ‘i’ in front of such as “how can you ask people in pov- it”). In my view, the most visionary, most 8 Friday 17 February 2012 FELIX Science Editors: K e l l y O a k e s Alexander Karapetian SCIENCE [email protected] In brief Mind reading programs? networksandservers.blogspot.com New Horizons nearly at Pluto Alexander Karapetian

Scientists from the University of California, Nasa’s New Horizons probe has entered the fi nal Berkley, have been able to successfully deter- stage of its journey to Pluto. It is currently twenty mine fragments of people’s thoughts by decod- three times the Sun-Earth distance away from ing brain activity caused by words they hear. us, and is due to reach its fi nal destination on The study has given researchers further in- July 14, 2015. sight into how the brain processes language It won’t be staying for long, however, and will and paves the way for devices that may be fl y past the dwarf planet gathering as much data able to help those without the power of speech. as it can before it gets too far away again. From Researchers believe this may be the fi rst step there, the probe will continue past Pluto’s moon to primitive brain implants that can monitor Charon and then to the outer reaches of the solar people’s thoughts and speak on behalf of them. system. The study held in the US showed that a com- Getting data back from such a distance will be puter could play back words that the patients a challenge. At the moment, the probe just over heard by analysing their thoughts, though the three light hours away from Earth, so a round trip words played back were sometimes not clear. for commands to reach the probe and data to Speaking to The Guardian, Robert Knight, come back would take over six hours. director of the Helen Wills Neuroscience In- Kelly Oakes stitute, said “this is exciting in terms of the ba- sic science of how the brain decodes what we hear. Potentially, the technique could be used to develop an implantable prosthetic device to aid speaking, and for some patients that would be wonderful.” Swearing for Scientists “The next step”, he continued, “is to test whether we can decode a word when a person by Maria Veiga imagines it. That might sound spooky, but this could really help patients. Perhaps in 10 years Neural networks are used to simulate brain activity, but cannot interpret thoughts it will be as common as grandmother getting a new hip.” The study involved playing a series of words from before and those that were new. The list it would be diffi cult to differentiate between to the patients for up to ten minutes while re- of words included “Waldo”, “structure”, and an inner monologue and words intended to be cording their brain activity from electrodes “property”. The scientists got their best results said aloud, therefore impacting any ability to placed across the surface of their brain. The top when activity was recorded in the superior tem- aid the speechless. of the patients’ skulls had been removed previ- poral gyrus, above the ear. Brian Pasley, a sci- Though the scientists’ work must not be un- ously in an operation to treat intractable epi- entist on the team, compared the technique to a derestimated, Guardian blogger Mo Costandi lepsy, allowing this procedure to be carried out. musician who could hear a piece in their mind wrote that “we are nowhere near being able to The activity from the electrodes showed that the just by knowing which notes are played. decode and reconstruct such complex neural brain broke down sound into their constituent The study raises implications for potential activity [as our extremely rich stream of con- frequencies and the program kept track of this. mind reading programs, though the scientists sciousness]”, and that “it may, in fact, never be Another collection of words was then played point out that it would require the skull of the possible”. It is likely that “your thoughts will to the patients to see whether the program could participant being opened up. Even if a device remain private for a very long time.” differentiate between words that were repeated were to exist without such intrusive measures, DOI:10.1371/journal.pbio.1001251 World’s thinnest pane of glass unveiled

Philip Kent leaking into the process. need to form, such as unreactivity. Conventional glass (as found in windows) is This provided an opportunity to investigate A paper in 1932 by William Holder Zacha- made of silicon dioxide – also known as sil- the properties of the rings within glass. One riasen hinted at the atomic structure of glass, ica. The process used to create the graphene, of the properties discovered was that the glass which at the time was unexplored. This de- in this instance, involved a quartz substrate was not covalently bonded to the graphene – duction was based purely on the properties of on carbon. When air leaked into the process, this would cause an unacceptable amount of glass known at the time. For example, the fact this caused the carbon to be oxidised (and the strain within the molecule. This can be seen it does not have a crystalline structure indicat- quartz subsequently reduced). This forms sili- in graphical models, which show a large mis- ed that molecules within it are not symmetric. ca in the same structure of glass – yet just three match between the lattice of graphene and the This work now appears to be vindicated fol- atoms thick, making it effectively 2D. glass. lowing new research reported in Nano Letters, This research is important for two reasons. Instead, the van der Waals interactions cause which shows that a 2D layer of glass imaged The fi rst of these is to allow direct imaging of the attraction to occur, resulting in a stabilisa- using Transmission Electron Microscopy molecules, some of which may not occur natu- tion effect within the glass. This shows that (TEM) has an extremely similar structure to rally. graphene could be a core component of pro- that deduced in the 1932 work. The other reason is that it opens the door to duction of new 2D substances. As with many scientifi c discoveries, this one synthesising a wide variety of other 2D mol- As for the 2D silica-based glass, this could was partially accidental. The team intended to ecules through the use of a graphene substrate: have a use in electronics, namely semicon- make graphene for an experiment; however, it may be possible to produce a glass from alu- ductors, or as gate insulators in semiconduc- unintended consequences actually resulted in minium oxide with this technique. Addition- tors. This is thanks to the ease of which the graphene with a layer of glass forming instead. ally the graphene support removes the need graphene and glass can be stripped from the The researchers suspect that this is due to air for the variety of conditions that 2D materials starting copper. FELIX Friday 17 February 2012 9 SCIENCE Little leaps to the end of Malaria My body Eliot Barford on the small things that could add up to getting rid of malaria for good clock and I

Wikipedia Tim Arbabzadah t the start of this month, a statistical analysis How many times have you ended published in The Lan- up staring at Facebook at 3am on a cet claimed that deaths Monday? If you’re me, the answer is due to malaria world- too many to count. A lot of people Awide are almost twice as high as was out there have trouble keeping their thought – 1.24 million in 2010 rather sleeping pattern in check. It can be than 655,000, as estimated by the World very detrimental to your life (and Health Organisation (WHO). While really annoying). It seems my body there is controversy over the study’s clock just wants to troll me con- methodology, its implications for the stantly, smugly making me stumble international malaria eradication drive bleary eyed out of bed after too little are troubling – the WHO also estimated sleep. The recent freezing weather that 216 million people became ill with doesn’t help. It makes the warm con- malaria in 2010. Fortunately, these are fines of the covers look incredibly not the only large numbers associated appealing. with the disease: annually, US$2 billion A new study led by Imperial sci- is contributed for malaria control mea- entists has found a link between dia- sures, and over US$600m for research betes and a person’s body clock. To and development to fi ght it. Progress be less cryptically vague, the study is being made, and funnily enough, it found a link between the gene MTN- tends to involve much smaller things. R1B and type 2 diabetes. MTNR1B Two recent advances have illustrated codes for MT2, a receptor for the how the tiniest things can make the hormone melatonin. Melatonin regu- greatest difference. lates the sleeping cycle and also the Around 50 antimalarial drugs are in release of insulin, which is what reg- development right now. The pace is ulates the level of sugar in the blood. high because researchers are trying to The postulation is that mutations in fi nd replacements for artemisinin, the the MT2 gene could disrupt both the principle malaria treatment worldwide, sleeping cycle and the release of in- before it is rendered useless by spread- sulin. Thus, people with the muta- ing resistance. In January, an Ameri- tions will not be able to control their can group at Washington University blood sugar level correctly. Therein in Missouri solved the structure of an lies the link between the MT2 gene enzyme, a protein which catalyses a re- and diabetes and explains the con- action, that is needed by every parasitic nection between two seemingly un- cell to grow. It provides an example of connected things. A person carrying how exploiting the subtle differences these mutations will not definitely between our cells and malaria parasites A very high magnifi cation micrograph of maternal malaria develop type 2 diabetes, but the risk may allow us to cure the disease. that they do, compared to someone Plasmodium, the microbe that causes without said mutations, is increased. malaria, is a protozoan and therefore challenge to overcome in development target in rabbits. They exploited a weak- because it works so hard to avoid be- The study looked at 7,632 Euro- part of a separate kingdom of life to of new treatments. ness in the parasite’s infective strategy ing recognised by our adaptive immune peans and included 2,186 individu- animals and plants. However, its bio- Drugs are essential to cure people in- revealed only in November by a group system. PfEMP1 protein, the main pro- als with type 2 diabetes. In total, the chemistry shares some peculiar features fected with malaria, but eradication is a at the Sanger Institute in Cambridge. tein to which we do become immune, MT2 gene can have forty mutations; with plants due to an ancient evolution- fantasy unless a vaccine to prevent in- Malaria parasites multiply by invading comes in 60 different versions so that all were tested to see what the ef- ary event in which it took on an alga as fection is developed. A vaccine called and parasitising red blood cells (RBCs), the parasite can repeatedly change be- fect would be. Four of these, which an “endosymbiont”, a permanent resi- RTS,S has shown promise, as reported and until recently it was thought that tween them before the body can elimi- are, luckily, very rare, were found dent of its cells, similarly to the way in in Felix on November 4 last year. How- they used such numerous ways of gain- nate it. People who live where malaria to completely stop the melatonin which plant cells acquired their photo- ever, RTS,S is not very effective com- ing entry that no one method was used is common become infected many from binding to MT2. These highly synthetic chloroplasts. The relic of this pared to other vaccines and its protec- by every strain. The Sanger group test- times during their lives, never develop- increased the risk of type 2 diabetes alga, known as the apicoplast, performs tion may not last long. It will save the ed several strains and discovered that ing full immunity, because Plasmodium developing. certain chemical reactions for the para- lives of many children under fi ve, who every one needed a particular RBC pro- is so adept at evading our defences. The hope is that this discovery site very unlike those done by our cells. suffer over 80% of deaths from malaria, tein to get its foot in the door, a protein However, in rabbits, a vaccine grant- and mechanistic link can be used to Cell membranes are made of mol- but better vaccines will be needed to called basigin. ed immunity to PfRh5, of which there gauge the diabetes risk of an indi- ecules called phospholipids such as stop the disease spreading entirely. Basigin’s exact function remains un- is only one copy. Why? PfRh5 seems to vidual and tailor medical treatments phosphatidylcholine, which the parasite In December, a team based at Oxford known, and scientists originally rec- have escaped natural selection for vari- to their needs, a small step towards must synthesise to grow and divide. It University demonstrated a new vaccine ognised it only as the determinant of a ation because the immune system does personalised medicine. does this in the apicoplast via a plant- rare blood group, Ok-, found in a hand- not normally ‘see’ it. The reason why like chemical pathway subtly different ful of Japanese families. Nonetheless, remains unknown, though it may be be- from our own, which includes a step a parasite protein called PfRh5 binds cause it is only released by the parasite that never happens in our cells. The Want to write for to basigin and is somehow crucial for at the moment of invasion, straight into Washington group’s protein is respon- invasion. The Oxford group produced the unlucky RBC. This is important be- sible for this reaction. The team has Felix Science? a vaccine by incorporating PfRh5 into cause it may mean that all Plasmodium worked out its exact structure and is try- a virus and used it on rabbits, who de- strains rely wholly on PfRh5 to infect ing to explain its activity at the atomic Email us: veloped immunity. The antibodies in our blood. By ‘showing’ it to the im- level. If someone can use this informa- science.felix@ their blood prevented all parasite strains mune system with a vaccination, pro- tion to develop a drug that blocks it, from infecting blood cells. tection far greater than that from RTS,S malaria parasites could be killed with imperial.ac.uk This leap forward was unexpected. could be achieved – perhaps enough to no harm to patients – the most diffi cult Malaria is a successful disease precisely thwart malaria for good. Sleeping like a log... 10 Friday 17 FEBRUARY 2012 FELIX Technology Editors: Chris Bowers Feroz Salam TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Tips & Hacks Providing internet to all

Release windows hurt box office The Aurora Team

A joint study by researchers from Wellesley College Can you imagine a day without the internet? and the University of Missouri has found that US Today communication touches every aspect of box offi ce takings are largely unaffected by piracy, our lives from social networking to business. and instead point to large international release We exploit information technology to enhance windows (the time from American national releas- the learning experience through the use of the es to releases across the globe) as a signifi cant internet, supported by online initiatives such as factor in decreased overall revenue for movie fran- podcasts and Virtual Learning Environments. chises. Factors identifi ed as contributing to this However in countries such as Morocco, Thai- large window include the need to support legacy land, India and Nepal, social and economic theatre systems that still depend on expensive development is restricted by a lack of commu- 35mm reels and the cost of promotional jaunts nications infrastructure. across the globe for the leading cast members. The Aurora project aims to provide internet This probably has some relevance towards tele- access to communities in rural areas, bringing vision programming as well, with top American TV key social benefits and enhancing learning. shows often airing for the fi rst time internationally Run by a team of students from the Electrical a few seasons after their national success. While & Electronic Engineering Department, we aim international television operators are naturally to achieve this objective by creating wireless wary of betting on shows that haven’t been previ- networks, coupling long range transmitters ously tested, it is only a matter of time before it with an existing electricity grid. The key is becomes unprofi table to even bet on successes, Wi-Max technology – offering a range of up to given the ease with which pirated versions can be 10 km from a single router. By connecting Wi- accessed online. As the endless battles between Max routers in relays, we can get information tion. We successfully managed to get a trans- tive, be bold and run with your creative ideas copyright owners and pirates continue, it might be to very remote locations. mitter on loan which will enable us test the – we know first-hand that Imperial will always time for the movie industry to focus their energies Founded in October 2011, the progress has technical feasibility of the project right here in support you. Create the future. on something they can actually control. been remarkable. One of our team members London. Therefore, our next step is to conduct went to Morocco last December and conducted a live field test by creating a Wi-Max network a location feasibility study – which proved Wi- in Imperial College; we are in the process of Max was viable to implement in the region. We completing licensing agreements for this. The Aurora Team consists of Mehvesh have fostered excellent links in industry with With this and our remaining location feasibil- Internet Service Providers, energy companies ity studies just on the horizon, we believe we Tariq, Sriram Kannan, Giri Kesavan, be.ez LA Robe 13 Black Addict and RuggedCom – a specialist Canadian based will soon achieve our ultimate goal of enabling Sonal Rashmi, Jegadeesh Sitham- company manufacturing Wi-Max products schools in communities to use our WiMax net- parathas, Wayne Yeang, Minoru who are one of our close industrial partners. work to enhance education in the near future. Nanayakkara, Sumedha Kodaman- Thanks to fantastic support from our depart- After seeing this project developed so much, chali and Sathesh Elangovan. ment (in particular Dr Kristel Fobelets) and just from an idea put forward by a few stu- supervisor, Prof Kin Leung, a few of our team dents, we are sure that every one of us can had the chance to visit the RuggedCom office make a difference in this world. So we would www.aurorawimax.co.uk in Lancaster and see Wi-max technology in ac- like to encourage each of you to take an initia-

A new ‘best’ method for creating passwords?

Chris Bowers will be familiar with the xkcd comic about a combination of alphanumeric characters and password entropy, I’m sure, but it seems this symbols, as this massively increases the search Sturdy and dependable “Your password will expire in 10 days. Would also isn’t the answer. The problem lies in find- space that a hacker would need to test every you like to change it now?” This is the message ing a good balance between memorability and combination of. However, a hacker would only that greets me when I log on to Outlook Web security. Unfortunately, many hackers aren’t resort to this brute forcing when simpler mea- The be.ez is a sturdy bag that has clearly been Access. I was first told my password was go- stupid, so “Pa55w0rd” isn’t going to fit the bill sures – such as dictionary attacks – have been designed keeping your laptop in mind. There are ing to expire at the end of January, so why have – that and its variations would be tried in most exhausted, but the padding essentially forces enough pockets to carry a few peripherals and I not yet done so? The act itself of changing the dictionary attacks. “P@s5w()r1}” is consid- any hacking attempt into that huge domain. pens with you, as well as enough space for a small password is by no means a complex task – but ered much stronger, but is far less memorable. Once this technique is being used, the biggest sheaf of papers. That said, the bag is quite small; instead it’s the creation of its replacement that Instead, the solution relies on ‘padded pass- factor in the security of your password is its don’t expect it to carry anything more than a small takes time and effort. words’. The concept is simple – take a fairly length, which of course the padding only helps. refill pad in addition to your laptop. In terms of The problem is, of course, security. While memorable password (let’s use Lond0n as an The memorability of the password is also not style, the bag looks quite attractive when shut I don’t think my accounts are going to be the example), and add a small ‘pad’ to it, increas- too bad – “Lond0n” by itself isn’t too taxing – I’m not so sure about the gaudy ‘raspberry’ in- targets of everyday hacking, I still wouldn’t ing both the length and complexity of the fin- for example, and it’s easy to pick a pad that terior of the review piece we received, but that’s feel comfortable leaving my emails open to ished product. In our example, we could pad suits you – “&*(“ are neighbours on the key- possibly a question of personal taste. The inner anyone who tried “123456” in the password with “.**” and end up with “.**Lond0n.**”. board, but still an effective pad. Additionally, sleeve is well cushioned and should protect your field. We have all been encouraged to conjure Of course, the padding doesn’t need to be the those without a great memory for passwords laptop well. Overall, the Black Addict is very good up complex combinations of upper and lower- same everywhere, nor does it need to be at ei- could write down either the pad or the base at keeping your laptop safe – the combination of case letters, numbers and symbols, but these ther end. This is the key to the system – you password without fear, as discussed before. the no-nonsense bag and memory foam sleeve tend to be less than easily memorable. This has could give away the base password to anyone, In essence, these passwords are not too dif- mean you won’t have to handle your notebook too led people to possibly not bother with anything but as long as they don’t know your pad(s) and ferent from a random, strong password with carefully. A very dependable option that doesn’t complicated, or leaving a note of their pass- where padding exists in the password, they still all the right elements. However, being easier look too shabby either. word lying around. wouldn’t be able to access your account. to think up and remember brings them to more New discussion in the area, however, hopes In technical terms, there are a few factors at people. Given their security, this can only be a to alleviate these issues greatly. Many of you play here. It is still highly recommended to use good thing.

12 Friday 17 february 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] FELIX On rigging the NSS A note on last week’s Hangman

In last week’s Felix, an article was published in the Hangman section which many readers felt incited sexual violence, trivialised rape and generally Alexander contributed to the idea of a rape cul- ture. I would like to take the opportu- nity to assure readers that this was in Karapetian no way our intention, and we all agree that a piece of content which does this is wholly unacceptable. ur front page story this Following complaints addressed per- week uncovered a meth- sonally to me, or otherwise, I have tak- od students from the De- en the decision to end the Hangman partment of Computing section for the foreseeable future. The found to be able to mass offending article, quite simply, failed Oimpersonate fi nal year students in the Na- Not sure if meme or caption. Oh, wait, caption. Oh well... in its ill-judged attempt at humour and tional Student Survey (NSS), effectively did not warrant publication. We are skewing the results in favour of Imperial. now taking the time to carefully con- Of course, the aforementioned technique access to as much birthday information If you’ve not completed it and you sider how any section designed with of programmatically scraping an internal as they’d expect. The problems which don’t receive a phone call, it is possible the sole intention of being humourous database for the names and CID numbers may arise here are that cross referenc- you have been impersonated. If a pro- can feature and simultaneously exist to of fi nal year students may be easy, but is ing the Imperial student database against gram can use a database to do it, don’t the same standard as the rest of this rigging the NSS really that simple? Facebook will not match those who go hesitate to think your friends can’t. Yes, publication. The level of offence that Let’s look at the information required by nicknames or have different names I’m looking at those of you who’ve Hangman caused is not something that to fi ll it in. We need the fi rst letter of the than the ones they use with friends. posted pictures of your ID cards online should be admired or actively sought student’s fi rst name, the fi rst four letters Although the Facebook privacy set- on Facebook or Twitter, exposing your after. of their last name, their CID number and tings work in the malicious person’s fa- CID numbers on potentially the same This incident has highlighted several their day and month of birth. Everything vour, it’s likely this gives a lot of prob- page your date of birth resides. Don’t major flaws in our quality control pro- but the latter is trivially found in the in- lems and increases the amount of effort help usher in an era of NSS trolling. cess, for which I take full responsibil- ternal databases described, so a program required to execute a successful cross So even if we get around all this, ity. As a result, I am taking concrete could theoretically automate scraping reference by an order of magnitude. Peo- there’s one more obstacle. Not every- steps to ensure that this does not hap- this data and autofi ll the survey to pose ple think they are being more private if thing in the survey is multiple choice, pen again. Alongside the removal of the as the students. The problem lies with they do not show their age (and therefore there are some boxes which require text Hangman section, any future section the date of birth, however. If the NSS their year of birth), but what they do not input. Unless we defi ne unique respons- with the intention of comedy or sat- required the student’s year of birth too, know is that it is the day and month they es for each student, there’s a fair chance ire will be held to more stringent con- it would be more complex to determine, need to protect for the case of personally the NSS engine will detect patterns and tent guidelines and I will ensure that but not impossible. The TeachDB data- identifi able information for use within be alerted to suspicious activity. For a the consequences of every article we base from the Department of Computing the NSS. malicious programmer with enough publish are considered fully. I am also gives us the year the student started their An additional barrier is the problem motivation, it’s not too infeasible, how- making certain that our writing team is course, and we can make a few assump- of scraping this data programmatically. ever. fully educated on and sensitive to top- tions to determine their probable age, and One used to be able to see a breakdown I contacted the Deputy President ics that could cause offence if handled as a result, their year of birth. of friends’ birthdays by month, but now (Education) Jason Parmar, who told me improperly. Of course, this isn’t perfect, and there’s we get the data categorised as “Today”, that even so, it’s “widely accepted as Of course, humour does have a place a good chance we’d lose more than half “Tomorrow”, “Later This Week” and so the “current” measure for student satis- in Felix, but now is the time to take a of the dataset of students to imperson- on. By making it relative to the current faction”, and that “this may change in serious step back from the events of ate because of it, but that still means a day, Facebook’s made it harder to scrape the next decade”. Tom Wilshere, Com- last week and refocus our attention fair number of students are still vulner- birthday information, questioning how puting Department Representative, into something that actually deserves able. The crux in our method is that the easy this last nugget really is to obtain. believes “this discovery completely a place in this publication. We need NSS requires the day and month too, A further fl aw in the NSS system was undermines the NSS as a reliable and something that sits comfortably along- something that isn’t available in (at least) exposed in the article, showing that re- trustworthy source of information for side such reasoned debate and con- this database. One may trivialise the dif- gardless of the amount of times a stu- ranking satisfaction in universities”, tent such as that I have had the privi- fi culty of obtaining this information at dent fi lls in the survey, only their fi rst and that “it seems ridiculous that stu- lege of editing, and not something that fi rst, thinking it wouldn’t be too hard to response is counted and they are not dents (or indeed universities) could pushes the boundaries of offence for cross reference with Facebook, especial- warned in certain cases that they have easily spam the system to improve the the sake of an article that barely pro- ly since students leave more information already completed it. If this were the oth- results for their departments”. vides a modicum of humour. open unwillingly to the Imperial net- er way around, it would be much more With the commonplace nature of au- I do deeply regret my own personal work. I take issue with this suggestion. If devastating. Should the NSS take your NSS called tomated spam e-mailing systems with failure in not having taken action to pre- you take a look at facebook.com/events/ last response only and we had a correct you up and intelligent text generators that can pass vent this happening in the first place, birthdays you’ll notice it’s actually quite automatic program to mass impersonate told you to do the Turing test and deceive humans into and I would like to reassure readers challenging to obtain birthday informa- students, we could run the code on the the survey? thinking they are human too, it’s not that after this incident the content that tion. very last day (if not hour) of the survey, Vent at the farfetched to wonder whether students goes into any section will be radically Even if one created a fake Facebook ac- overwriting all previous responses. The annoyance by at this university or elsewhere have rethought before publication. count, added a few people from Imperial fact that it’s the fi rst response, however, commenting taken advantage of the exploits defi ned as friends until they had enough mutual provides a workaround by making use of online at: above. If executed right, they’d poten- friends to confi dently auto-add most Im- the phone call one receives upon forget- felixonline. tially go undetected and possibly get perial people, they still wouldn’t get full ting to do the survey. co.uk away scot-free… FELIX Friday 17 february 2012 13 COMMENT Keep up: this is the new feminism

ear Sir – The word tion and this is a problem in itself. It’s a “feminism” is meant to societal problem. be on opposite ends of The author may well be correct in the spectrum with “sex- deeming WSET’s angle inappropriate ism”. Arguably it is the considering their platform, but I also Donly means to combating sexism, but believe that we should not live in fear of I hear this word being misused on a these stereotypes. Whether you believe daily basis. If even the most forward- that gender is entirely a social construct thinking students often disregard the or not, social conditioning has led us to true meaning of the word, how can it this current state of mind that unfortu- be used to combat sexism effectively? nately has resulted in a disproportional Veronica Gouvea In order for this to happen, we must praising of a woman’s achievements fi rst ensure that we have a true under- and a likewise higher than normal “un- standing of what “feminism” entails. derstanding” of the lack thereof. Any Modern feminism is nothing like the sensible human being would agree that bra burning activism that took to the this is unfair. So, the question remains: streets in the 60s, and it is certainly not how can we change this? Accountably, that crap that Sarah Palin claims to sup- there are multiple ways of going about Natasha Walter, author of Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism port. Modern feminism is much more this, but which is the most effective? intricate and subtle; it’s not because What we are trying to fi ght in WSET we have lost our spirit, it’s because it is the root cause of the problem: getting variety of means that include provid- a confl ict will not resolve the remains can be. This type of feminism is led by more women into SET careers. In a way, ing visible role models for younger of the battle, and the recent proposal to strong women all over the world that “toying” with the current disputes does women: proven to be the most effective inaugurate a feminist society at Impe- are demonstrating with ease that their little to add to or remove from the root method to combat sexism. We believe rial falls directly in the eye of the storm. contribution to our advancement is just cause because it is an attempt at chang- that fi ghting for specifi c causes is more Although sexual violence is a major as important as any of their male coun- ing people’s mentality without any real effective because realistically, what is issue that deserves all of our attentions terparts (and no, I do not mean just in a experience. It is a broadly accepted fi ghting for ALL feminist causes going and efforts at Imperial, perhaps a femi- reproductive sense…). Good examples view in philosophy that we only learn to do? Fighting for a cause is always nist society is not the most progressive of modern day feminists include the and develop through tangible change in better when the aims and objectives are way to tackle such issues, especially likes of Natasha Walter, who fully em- the form of experience, and although clearly stated, and not broad and un- since these issues are at the heart of bodies this new, passive form of activ- the author raises some excellent points, achievable. our social responsibilities and should ism, and Facebook COO, Sheryl Sand- what he fails to do is provide tangible Although in legal terms men and be targeted by all regardless. Instating berg, living proof that we are more than solutions to the highlighted issues. Get women are now equal, there are traces such a society may possibly be coun- capable of playing in the “big leagues” angry? Is that really the answer? of old-fashioned sexism that are inevi- ter-productive in terms of truly achiev- with all of the boys. Most of the time, when sexist com- table due to countless reasons includ- ing common ground. Not that they The article on sexism in last week’s ments are made, they tend to be just ing, but not exclusive to, the fact that wouldn’t have just cause for their plat- issue of Felix convincingly presented a to get a reaction out of the target audi- it was as recent as 1965 that women in form. They would have plenty of just general critique of the lack of feminist ence, and I think the majority of us are France required their husband’s per- cause, and we would be happy to sup- efforts at Imperial, pointing out that we intuitive enough to judge whether each mission to work abroad. This roughly port all of their motions as I am sure the are doing more to promote sexism than case is malicious or not. Of course, in coincides with the time that the par- majority of you reading this would also to discourage it. The author condemned the former, ‘get angry’ is certainly the ents of current 20-40 year olds began agree, the debate is whether this would Women in Science, Engineering, and way to go, but in that regard I’d like work. The unfortunate outcome: a be the best platform to do so? Such a Technology (the only society on cam- to think that that is what the majority trickle down effect and remnants of society should have been instated many pus to carry out feminist activity) for of us are doing anyway; and if it isn’t, that mentality haunting us till this day. years ago; which makes me question the promotional material used for a then it’s what we all should be doing. I am not trying to say that the issues whether doing so now would simply club night. The material in fact aimed In WSET we try to stick to the post- we currently face will disappear along add to the divide? For those who think to challenge the stereotype of women positivist approach to feminism: TOO with that generation; they may or they that such a platform would provide le- in SET and to say that any woman can MUCH CRITICISM, NOT ENOUGH may not. What I can say is that as we gitimate ground for progressive work be ‘sexy’ and be in SET, but was unfor- SOLUTIONS. move towards a society relying more then please sign the petition at http:// In WSETWSET we try to tunately (and quite understandably…) There are so many types of femi- and more heavily on mental strength www.ipetitions.com/petition/icwrs/ interpreted as ‘objectifying women’. nisms: Marxists who are critical of the and moral fi ber, the biological differ- and help make this happen. stick to the post- This can rather rightfully be taken for status quo, linking women’s oppres- ences become obsolete with regards to In the words of Isabel Allende, a misguided approach to try and reap sion to the exploitive nature of capital- progression. Yes, there is still sexism. “The time is right to make fundamen- positivist approach the benefi ts of the constructed gender ism, liberals who value individuality Yes, as a woman you will be looked at tal changes in our civilization, but for differences that we encounter daily and privacy, egalitarians who believe and treated slightly differently than as a real change we need feminine energy to feminism: TOO in university life, but the bottom line in no differences between men and man at Imperial (and let’s be honest… in the management of the world. We “ is: how is marveling over a couple of women, existentialists who celebrate generally in the positive sense), but this need a critical number of women in MUCH CRITICISM, beautiful belly dancers any different to our natural differences, and also differ- should no longer be something to fear. positions of power and we need to nur- the way the varsity rugby players fl aunt ent waves (fi rst, second, third) etc. At The war is over, now it’s time for us to ture the feminine energy in men. I’m NOT ENOUGHH their masculinity? Men do the same WSET we fi ght to maintain the ‘status pick up the pieces and put them back talking about men with young minds thing, auctioning off themselves, and quo’ by getting women into science, together with a new vision in mind. of course… old guys are hopeless, we SOLUTIONS just because it is WOMEN auctioning empowering women within science, We need to focus on what we as indi- have to wait for them to die off!” – off WOMEN, it has caught your atten- and encouraging diversity through a viduals can do. Turning this back into couldn’t have put it any better.

We’re always ”looking for people to get involved and join the discussion in Comment. How do I do this you say? Excellent question, well done for asking, you’ll be Jeremy Paxman in no time. It’s simple, you just email [email protected] with an article, or even just an idea! 14 Friday 17 february 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] Evidence for sexism in the Union?

nequality irritates me, particular- earned corporate sponsorship. However, that people of other races can’t be rac- ly as it is so prevalent within our this means that the NCC’s suggestion ist; it’s simply saying that the two sides society. Women are oppressed that we form a subgroup under WSET aren’t equal. The NCC asking what a on many different levels; here would be a little diffi cult as we have dif- feminist group will do for male equality at Imperial the most recent evi- ferent aims; they don’t want us, and we is every bit as ridiculous and bigoted as, Idence for this is the refusal by the NCC want autonomy. say, asking what an LGBT group will do (New Clubs Committee) of a Gender When we mentioned that we would for the well known problem of hetero- Equality Society. The reasoning of the want to run campaigns to tackle the sexual discrimination. Union is as follows: we don’t need widespread sexual violence women ex- Considering we go to a university another women’s society as we have perience in our society, the NCC were that’s 70% male and has 3 separate all- WSET and a Gender Equality Offi cer. quick to ask what we would be doing male drinking societies, is asking for a Marissa Lewis Our attempts to set up this society were to stop male rape or support male rape separate, independent women’s group instead relegated to ‘campaign’ status victims. There’s a meme for this line really that unreasonable? After all, there within the Union, which, although no of questioning in feminist circles; it’s are a whole host of issues that female one seems to know what this is, seems called ‘what about teh menz?’ Now, this students are subject to, even when they fair enough on the face of it all. The might seem a bit dismissive as, after don’t attend such a male-dominated The iconic photo of Emily Davidson problem is that this comes at a time all, men do get raped too and it is ev- university: a recent survey by the NUS when Felix is in trouble with the Tele- ery bit as awful as when a woman gets found that 1 in 7 female students are graph for joking about Rohypnol and raped. However, until 50, 000 men get victims of “serious sexual assault or vio- these things more important than the others have pointed out how anti-fem- raped every year in the UK and until lence” while at university; eating disor- quest for women’s rights. After all, Em- inist the only Women’s society at Im- 1 in 3 men can expect to get raped in ders are at their highest ever prevalence ily Davison did not throw herself under perial is (see last week’s Felix). There their lifetimes (admittedly impossible to in our age group, and women are chroni- the King’s horse for the right to play An- seems to be no time like the present for get truly accurate fi gures as up to 90% cally underrepresented in student unions gry Birds. a feminist or women’s rights group at of rapes remain unreported), it isn’t an (with only 22% of university presidents Adding fi nal insult to injury, the Clubs the Union. Pity those in power disagree. issue of gender equality. Rape is a gen- being female). What is Imperial actu- and Societies Offi cer seemed to suggest Kelly Osborne WSET’s goals, as outlined on its dered issue because the overwhelming ally doing to ensure the welfare of fe- that somehow our petition of 20 names website, are: “Promoting SET careers majority of perpetrators are men and the male students? And, more importantly, (the requirement to start a new society amongst women in College” and “En- overwhelming majority of victims are why was a society that aimed to allow at Imperial) was invalid as 6 signatures EmilyEmily DDavison did hancing the fl ow of girls in SET depart- women, suggesting that our society has students to discuss these issues and cam- were from people who worked at the ments at University”. We aimed to set a problem with violence against women. paign on behalf of our female students Union. This was because both of the au- not throthrow herself up a group to tackle more traditional Asking that men take the lion’s share of deemed to lack ‘substance’ and rejected? thors work at the union and took our pe- feminist issues, such as the prevalence responsibility for this issue isn’t sug- The clubs that successfully passed tition into work, which people were keen under the King’s of rape in today’s society, domestic gesting men can never be raped or that our NCC were a new App develop- to sign. However the Deputy President abuse, or the objectifi cation of women in women can never be rapists; the same ment society and a Harry Potter society (Clubs & Societies) claimed these peo- horse for thee right the media. Upon speaking to the WSET way that asking white people to take the (Pottersoc). Although we would like to ple “did not care”; last time we checked “ committee they admitted they are not lion’s share of responsibility for institu- point out we have nothing against apps it was not a requirement to be a misogy- to play Angryry BBirdsirds keen for extra groups underneath them, tional racism isn’t saying white people or Harry Potter in principle, it is a little nist to work at the Union but apparently as this would further divide their hard- can never be discriminated against or insulting that the NCC views either of it helps according to the NCC. This ”week’s potential scandal

eep breaths everyone. some baselines set down, and at an insti- particular, has some great people who do there are only two ways to pass through Let’s open with the state- tution that is so fundamentally racked by everything they can to combat inequal- Imperial as a woman – either you get by ment that no-one fi nds issues of gender divide, Hangman prob- ity and bad examples being set. But let’s being what Imperial’s male contingent rape funny. So let’s do ably stumbled too far last week. not pretend, as many commenters online expect you to be, or you shut yourself off that: it’s not funny. No- It’s gone downhill. While the Tele- tried to, that men are in any way hard from that world entirely and only com- Done likes to see or hear about anyone graph article that announced this story to done by. municate with other female students. being abused in such a way. I’m not the world was about as well-constructed At the same time, jumping to the con- Neither outcome seems favourable, and particularly interested if you think male as the drunken, rambling tweets that clusion that we need an armed feminist all the shouting and commenting I’ve rape is under-represented, or if rape law cited it (one proclaimed “Rape is hilari- society ready to kick ass, chew gum seen since the article went live seems to only protects women, or anything like ous, right? Imperial College thinks so!”) and live their lives in an independent, only push towards these two outcomes. that. This is not Reddit. Rape isn’t ha- it was hard to summon the effort to laugh thoughtful and personally satisfying way (Incidentally, Mrs. Geek appears to ha funny, plain and simple. I’ve never at the article. Hangman could hardly be seems like a knee jerk in the opposite di- have gotten through by doing neither of Angry Geek seen an episode of Friends about some- defended. rection. We shouldn’t need to do this. We these things, one of many attributes I fi nd one getting jovially drugged, abused and So in the week between me writing shouldn’t need to get to the point where admirable and worthy of great respect. dumped somewhere. this and it being published (editors will- we have to have a fucking Union society Yes, this is your Valentine’s Day present. Similarly, I’m not one for making com- ing) there’ll be various things happening to remind people that women are a group Yes it does count. Love you.) edy sacred. Free speech is excellent, with – lots of people will have Opinions and that needs representation. It is, to me, ut- So let’s bear something in mind, as we ... we’rewe’re trying to the exception of television about video- Views and these may or may not involve terly unacceptable that Imperial would scrabble for what can be done at Imperial games, and if you want to loudly an- the phrase ‘PC-crazy’ in a context other need to drop to this level. – we’re trying to build a community in build a community nounce to everyone on the 93 from Wim- than a Starcraft convention. Let’s be On Twitter, from time to time, Mrs. which everyone is happy, treated equally, bledon how much of a bigoted twunt you clear, though – before we start having a Geek’s name pops up in relation to vari- and in which jokes can be made if they in which everyone are by telling an offensive joke to your debate on the topic of women, men and ous things. She is a student at Imperial are appropriate. Don’t be heavy-handed friend then by all means please go ahead. Imperial – that we exist in a man’s world, like myself, and through her eyes I occa- in our search for a solution, and don’t let is... treated equally But once we get above the nattering-in- still. There are pockets of exemplary be- sionally get glimpses of how bizarre our personal prejudice against a minority af- “ ” a-pub level of joke-telling I feel we have haviour, and the department I’m in, in community is. Oftentimes it feels like fect how we treat the majority. FELIX Friday 17 february 2012 15 COMMENT

The RCSU is challenging ICSMSU at the Tuesdayay Quiz Night on February 28 in FiveSixEight. Ahead of this, the Comment pages of Felix aare taken over to see which is better. ICSM VS RCSU

RCSUSU IS BETTER ICSM IS BETTBETTERE Paull Beaumont RRCSUCSU VVicei President (Operations) SuzieSuzie Rayner ICSMSU PresidentPreside runun thethe inherentinh risk of making myself shine, with an enviable buddy scheme – some- hankfully, as someone who will has been wwrittenritten by a gentleman whwhoo moon- unpopular in writing this: and so I shall thing I won’t deny them. I would ask though, now never run for an ICU posi- lights as the ‘Systemystem Administrator’ ffor ICU. endeavour to explain why – as uncontro- if this cannot be attributed more to the fact the tion, I don’t have to people please. Doesn’t sound half as coolool as Medic PPresident. versially as possible, but without question medics have more time to be social than us hard- But I’d like to think I’m fair. So If “I did nothing all day”, ththee ststudentsu and – the RCSU is better than the ICSMSU. working scientists? Having lived with medics why am I here? I think that be- the faculty would have cut the funding a long IFor my argument to hold, one must first accept for two years, the number of nights they stumble Tcause Imperial has made it so. time ago. In fact, the Presidential salary is the that this is a rather fucked up playing field. The home as opposed to walk suggests they had too From Day 1, I’ve been disliked for my sub- most protected funding. So more importantly, Faculty of Medicine donate large sums of money much time to kill. Yes – I guess I am just jealous. ject. As a fresher, many IC students walked why have RCSU not been offered the money to the ICSMSU. They have a paid-for-by-College But then, the RCSU serves a greater purpose away once they found out my career ambitions. to enhance their services to students and pro- President working on ‘stuff’ full-time (or, more than just this social lark the medics thrive on. But not ICSM. That is where you are protect- vide a full time RCSU officer? Because they commonly, curled up on the sofa in her office Unlike their students, ours now have a wealth of ed. And therefore, why would any are clearly not offering enough. wishing she’d stuck at playing doctors and nurses opportunities open to them on graduating. Virtu- student ask advice from ICU I didn’t know what RCSU stood for when I instead of taking a year out). If this whole ‘Fac- ally any job is at your fingertips with the letters when they can ask it from got this job. I live and breathe medicine, the ulty Union’ thing was golf, the Medics have the ARCS after your name (Associateship of the ICSMSU? This advice, our medical school and every person in it. And maximum handicap of 36 whilst the RCSU are Royal College of Science). To this end the clubs and societies, the because ICSM is such a fantastic place and playing as pros at 0. Not fair. RCSU takes it upon itself to organise ca- excellent welfare (kind- Medicine a fascinating career, that is more than And so, it is on this basis that I will build my reers talks that will benefit our members’ ly recognised) and end- enough for me. argument. I quite happily smile and nod when a futures; we don’t just act as a drain on their less meetings are my I wish I knew more about RCSU to be able Medic tells me how amazing their Union is over members’ student loan by holding fancy daily routine. I haven’t to tell you what we do better, but I don’t. Nor RCSU. Inside, I’m dying – yearning – to scream bops, etc. organised a single event. do I really want to; any list of events that a “BUT LOOK AT THE PLAYING FIELD”. I And so – for fear of wittering on too So it probably isn’t a fair union has offered that includes a Cake Sale has somehow think they may think me mad for doing much, I conclude as thus: ICSMSU, comparison. a lot to answer for. Giving credit where due, so, though. as a union, is good – but given And as for my wages, ICSMSU did get branded condoms following Readers of this publication will no doubt how- its resources should be so you’re just jealous. To be the RCSU example. But we got more. ever have spotted the numerous successes of the many times more brilliant honest, the torrent The sad thing is we need you as much as you RCSU this year. Autumn Ball. Oktoberfest. Made than the RCSU. But it of unnecessar- need us. Without scientists we don’t have the In Chelsea Pub Crawl. Book Sale. Welfare Week. just isn’t. To return ily targeted medicine to make people better. But without Charity Cakes Sales. Careers Talks. Alumni Din- to the analogy abuse the medics, who has skills to understand what ner. Winter Ball. Science Challenge. RAG Ball. of me scream- was wrong in the first place? All of these have been on the back of a team of ing “PLAYING Speaking as the offspring of two mathemati- crack-pot scientists, working hard behind the FIELD” at some cians and a once student of Further Maths, scenes. No full-time staff – no labour costs. No poor medic – I have nothing against scientists. In fact I thousands of pounds, flooding our accounts like caught up in this very nearly studied it in its purest form. the torrent of vomit flowing through Reynolds. fierce inter-faculty But the limiting factor was the lifestyle, What have – with all these extra resources – rivalry – I would and ultimately the purpose. At least when the Medics’ Union achieved then? Erm. Oh, this like to make a sug- my parents studied maths you could get a is awkward. Their social calendar is, like, “pad- gestion to the medics. job with it. ded” with the RCSU events (read: that woman in Ditch your sabbati- According to the Guardian’s League Ta- charge is piggybacking the RCSU). The events cal President and refuse bles for 2012, 100% of Medical Students that the Medic Union cook up themselves – un- (most of) College’s mon- from Imperial College have a career af- der the, may I stress, direction of paid-sabbatical ey. At least that way, our ter 6 months. Not that I expected to find Miss Rayner – are only as good as the RCSU’s, playing field would then anything less. Mathematics, for want of an and only marginally more frequent. be levelled. If then you RCSU example, has 77%. As Faculty Unions, we also handle welfare are still better than us, I So, as I get back to my Sunday afternoon weeks and the rep system on behalf of the DPE. may consider accepting of ICSMSU work, I ask can you blame us? Many would argue that this is where the medics defeat... Scientists, which % would you prefer? Disclaimer: If you read this as anything other than a bit of banterous free advertising for our joint event, then you read too hard. 16 Friday 17 February 2012 FELIX

Music Editors: Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto Mark England Alex Ramadan Simon Hunter MUSIC [email protected] Kadhim’s totally hot Simply the Bestival? album of the week Kadhim Shubber on the festival that rounds off the summer with a bang

James Mossahebi The Black Keys ressing up: probably the reason I El Camino love going to Bestival every year. Bestival In 2010, a pair of twins I know Nonesuch Records dressed as colonial-era hunters 2011 and chased the other festival- Where: Isle of Wight Dgoers who had so foolishly dressed as characters When: 6–10 September from The Fantastic Mr Fox. (Last year, well, a How much?: £179.95 [inc. picture speaks a 1000 words [see right].) There’s no greater pleasure than writing about a topic booking fee] that you enjoy, so I will do my best to add some Who: New Order, the xx, Sigur Isle of Wight hate into the next 300 or so words, Rós, Friendly Fires, Justice, Hot just to balance things out. Oh, errors of judgement. How I know you well! Last Let’s get started. In 2009, Duncan Thomson Chip, Soulwax, De La Soul, term, just as we were heading off for Christmas, and Sammi Gardiner, residents of the Isle of Teebs, Azealia Banks, Four I wrote in a throwaway comment, which I’d now Wight, had a Star Wars-themed wedding. Worst Tet B2B Caribou, Gold Panda, like to dispose of properly, that the Black Keys’ still, they had the wedding on the 4th of May so latest album El Camino is a ‘dud’. Well, it is time they could say, “May the 4th be with you”. On Buraka Som Sistema, and more to make amends. Using all the powers of apology the other hand: De La Soul, New Order, Jus- Oooh-errr! that I acquired as Felix Editor last year, let me now tice, and pretty much the whole freakin’ Brain- say, “I was wrong”. feeder crew are playing Bestival this year. On a This change-of-heart occurred on the road from personal note, Gold Panda, whose Lucky Shiner Bollywood Tent – you’ll see. But if I’m honest, Osama Bin Laden was a big fan of ales from Alexandra Palace last week. We all know how dif- tour I missed, and whose Lucky Shiner album is Bestival is a bit... errr, middle-class. In fairness, the Isle of Wight... Moving swiftly along, the fi cult it is to admit changes of musical taste – probably the best electronic album since Alex- the music is a good few fl oors away from main- theme this year is Wildlife, which is a guarantee God, forbid I should ever start enjoying Lana Del ander Bell patented the fi rst electric loudspeaker, stream, but I’m afraid there’s no way I’ll be able that someone will completely ignore the theme Rey – so do not view this Damascene conversion is on the roster. (I hope you’ll excuse me a little, to argue that a festival with luxury teepees and, and ‘dress up’ in a full-body spandex suit. Non- lightly. I was returning from the Black Keys gig ‘HOLY FREAKIN’ YEAAAAH’). new this year, “wood-burning Scandinavian hot douchebags, take note: your costume is key – get at the aforementioned venue, through a blizzard Aside from the music, Bestival always impress- tubs and a sauna area” is anything like the rough- it right and you’ll be a muthafuckin’ BAWWS. of snow that sadly didn’t stay until the morning, es with the amount of alternative activities there and-tumble of Reading & Leeds festival; there’s Alas, I’ve used up all my space. Tickets are when I realised my coolness towards El Camino are. Last year I ‘starred’ as the hotel receptionist no ritual tent burning for one thing. I don’t know £179.95 [inc. booking fee], which considering was misplaced. in Ghostbusters; the year before I ran across tubs about you, but I can’t help but look back at my that most gigs cost between £15-20 nowadays My fi rst taste of the Black Keys came from the of cornstarch goo (as I believe is the scientifi c 17-year-old self at Reading and think that’s not and you’re going to see far more than 10 artists, superb mash-up of their album Brother with Big term for it). There’s a fantastically eclectic mix necessarily a bad thing... is still pretty good. I’ve got mine – student loan, Boi’s debut, Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of of stuff to do when you’re not skanking out in the Ok, next reason to hate the Isle of Wight: thank you – don’t forget yours. Chico Dusty. It has jazz, style, and an unquantifi - able something that gets you moving in your chair. When I fi nally listened to the original, Brother, I found myself standing from my chair, leaping on the table, and dancing like I imagine I would if my life was a movie... Blacks Keys rock a heart at the Ally Pally I should say that all of this happened about a year after everyone else had listened to Brother. “Hey man, have you heard this sweet-ass album?” Simon Hunter room to see warm-up act Band of Skulls, one most recent album, El Camino, to whip the kids – “Yeah, Kadhim, like a year ago; why are we still thing became glaringly apparent: the crowd, up into a fury. I would like to note at this point friends?” But then, a new album appeared on the Like most people who spent the better half of generally speaking, were pretty short. It turned that we hadn’t just gatecrashed some underage horizon. I could love the Black Keys and get down their teenage years during the mid-noughties, out that the gig was a 14+ event, something I’m gig, but as at most gigs there was an (in this case and jive, at the same time as everyone else. Holy my music tastes were fairly rigidly constrained not sure even existed when I was a young ‘un. signifi cant) age gradient away from the stage, fucking hallelujah! The fi rst single, ‘Lonely Boy’, to the world of indie rock. My iTunes library The depressing feeling that I was potentially al- and we’d managed to get quite close to the front. seemed to live up to my dreams – a ragged chain- was full of guitar bands and the ideal school most a decade older than some of them was bal- The next hour was crammed with driving saw guitar riff and an impeccably cool music video. night involved necking a few tins, getting on the anced by the fact that I was guaranteed a crack- blues-rock rhythms, interspersed with some of But when the album came out, I felt let down. It train and sweating copious amounts in the poor- ing view. the gentler efforts from El Camino and others wasn’t the hell-raising party I had expected. There ly ventilated gig venues of Leeds. These days Band of Skulls delivered a solid performance, from their earlier albums including decade-old was a change of tone; it was less bombastic and there are maybe three guitar bands that I pay any occasionally coaxing the crowd into movement debut The Big Come Up. As they left the stage more introspective. Instead of screaming, “MY real attention to, with the rest of my attention beyond default head-nodding. Not being hugely to play the ‘How long can we keep the audience NEXT GIRL [bumb bumb bumb] WILL BE NOTHING falling on the world of electronic and hip hop aware of Band of Skulls myself, their brand waiting while we sip Champagne?’ game, I was LIKE MY EX-GIRL!” here they were singing woefully, music. Thinking about it, I’ve probably been to of ballsy rock was tight and produced several left hoping that when they inevitably returned “Operayyytor please, put me back on the line … … two gigs featuring bands playing ‘actual instru- stand-out numbers. the encore would just keep going. As it was, told my girl I’d be back, Operayyytor please, this is ments’ in the past year. Perhaps this makes me As the clock approached half nine, Dan Auer- their following rendition of ‘Everlasting Light’ wrecking my mind.” less qualifi ed to comment on this whole thing, bach and Patrick Carney a.k.a. The Black Keys left me in awe as beams of white light exploded It was only when I saw them live that I began perhaps it makes me more so, perhaps I couldn’t led the band onto the stage, their unconventional out from the enormous mirror ball suddenly sus- to appreciate El Camino’s softer touch (and upset- give a tuppeny fuck either way. setup belying where the strengths of the band pended above the stage. They fi nished the gig tingly realised that much of its energy had been Regardless, there I was last Saturday being lay. Usually, the drummer is hidden away at the with a couple more songs as the words “THE stripped out by my laptop’s tinny speakers). Broth- presented with a ticket to see the current kings back; here, Patrick assumed his raised position, BLACK KEYS” lit up in incandescent bulbs er and El Camino felt much less in opposition and of blues rock – The Black Keys. It was a gig centre stage behind his kit, Dan to the right with above the band’s heads. more like a complementary yinw and yang. I’d been meaning to get tickets to for ages, yet bassist Gus Seyffert and keyboardist John Wood To say this was the most fun I’d had at a rock never followed through. Luckily though, my behind. The band delivered the kick of a donkey gig for a long time wouldn’t really mean much. If you feel the need to point out that @theblackkeys girlfriend decided to excel herself and mop up as they started with songs from 2010’s album, To say this was the most fun I’ve had at any gig have fi ve other albums, then tweet, “you don’t know my incompetence, purchasing a couple of tickets Brothers. Unfortunately it took a while for the for a long time might mean more. Either way it shit!”, @kadhimshubber. Otherwise, tweet @Imperi- and surprising me. crowd to respond and I began to worry that this was great to remember how much fun I used to alLibrary complaining about their Inceptrance. We rocked up to Alexandra Palace and, winc- younger generation of rock fans had lost the art have in those grimy venues in Leeds and that ing, I immediately sunk fi fteen quid on a couple of ‘losing your shit’. Thankfully, all it took was I’m not too old to get stuck into a ‘pit’ every of drinks. As we made our way into the main the rendition of an effort from The Black Keys’ once in a while. FELIX Friday 17 February 2012 17 MUSIC The Fresh Prince of Kentucky George Jeffery’s A beginner’s guide to Mark England on the coolest, baldest, and beardiest man in town post-hardcore onnie ‘Prince’ Billy, aka Will presents an eerie warning to “watch out for Oldham, is a name who should my silent thoughts”. The track ‘You Don’t be on everyone’s lips. Instead, Love Me’ stands out as a heart wrenching Lesson 6: Reuben in the current landscape of in- account of a man who sings to his lover die-folk/Americana he has been “you wouldn’t pass the time with me, except overlookedB for the watered-down beige-athon you’re tired of all your friends”. The brutal that is Mumford and Sons. Many commend- honesty of Oldham’s words are sometimes able elements of the current scene can be seen disconcerting but, sang against a beauti- in Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy’s prodigious output; ful setting of lilting guitars and a choir of the stark, naked beauty of Bon Iver, the lyrical swooning backing singers, one can fi nd a twist of Conor Oberst and Laura Marling’s theme of hope lining the album. Throughout this collection of anti-love songs, he never gives up that his perfect woman is “lying “Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy curled somewhere lonely” waiting for him. I fi nd it refreshing that Will Oldham is embodies the DIY ap- a man who refuses to play the media and promotion game. There is little or no build proach that I cherish” up to an album release and this means that each record feels unexpected when it does As promised, this week I will be beginning my ram- ability to take your breath away with a tune. arrive. His latest album, Wolfroy Goes To page of digging up dead, old UK post-hardcore Thankfully, Mumford’s equation for success Town, may have passed many by but it de- How you doin’? bands. The fi rst band to be mentioned is, obvi- (an abundance of waistcoats, combined with serves to be listened to by a large audience. ously, Reuben. Despite their ten-year lifetime and inane choruses) is nowhere to be seen on any It successfully continues his style of mixing numerous outstanding releases, they failed to of the Prince’s eleven albums. hauntingly beautiful melodies with dark sub- is that Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy embodies the gain any mainstream success (as is the story for I was fi rst introduced to Oldham with jects although does not reach the heights of DIY approach that I cherish, and combines most bands in this series). For some reason, the the astonishing album Beware, which, along previous releases. it with lyrics so distressingly fragile that one good post-hardcore bands from the UK seem to with Down in the Light, is normally consid- Some of my friends cannot understand why, cannot help but connect with him. So, I urge all come from Surrey and Reuben are no different. ered to be his best work. The lyrics are at as an avid listener of lo-fi New York punk, I all the wannabe Mumfords out there to put to They formed in 1998 and their intense live times so intimate that it can be an awkward would recommend something which argu- down their accordion and pick up a copy of shows made them a household name in the under- fi rst listen. On ‘Beware Your Only Friend’ he ably verges on country music. My response Beware to listen to the master at work. ground music scene, gaining a lot of fans and ad- miration from other bands. This continued despite not releasing their fi rst full-length until 2004. The three albums they released in the following three- year period were all incredible and it’s a shame cently released album Habits and Contradic- they didn’t achieve higher levels of popularity, es- Rama’s Hip-Hop tions. The song samples a live Lissie cover of pecially within the UK. However, I personally think the Kid Cudi track ‘The Pursuit of Happiness’ their fi nal album, In Nothing We Trust, was their for the chorus and also features critic’s favou- best. From listening to any selection of Reuben’s Tune of the Week rite A$AP Rocky. In an album with a gen- songs, you will realise that their style is incredibly eral tone of moody introspective aggression, diverse. There are some songs you could listen to ‘Hands on the Wheel’ is a relatively upbeat and not notice it’s the same band at all. Some of Schoolboy Q affair with tight production courtesy of Best their tracks are mellow and some (quite a lot in Kept Secret. fact) are heavily pop-infused, unreconcilable with ‘Hands On The Wheel’ The song is one of the most accessible on post-hardcore even a little bit. (feat. A$AP Rocky) the album and is a good introduction to the This brings me to the reason why I prefer the versatility of Schoolboy Q’s rapping. The most recent album: because it’s the rawest. De- album also contains features from the other spite their diverse sound, I have to say that for members of the Black Hippy Crew who are me, I like the heavier tracks and In Nothing We As the imaginatively named title of this col- helping to reinvent West Coast rap. If you’re Trust delivers forceful riffs and ridiculous drum umn would suggest, each week I hope to bring a fan of the old-school hardcore hip-hop remi- smashing by the truckload. Their widely varied you a top notch hip-hop tune. This week’s niscent of N.W.A. I would recommend check- South Ken street cred setlist saw them attract all different types of peo- song comes courtesy of Schoolboy Q’s re- ing out the album. ple to their live shows. Perhaps the most engaging thing about them though was their unique sense of humour always present in their videos and gigs (watch their ‘Michael Jackson’ video on YouTube).

Fitzcarraldo! For these reasons, Reuben were one of the gems of UK alternative rock music and all we can do Be sure not to miss... is hope that one day they will return, but for now check out the recommendation below and come Body/Heat back next time for more UK post-hardcore thrills!

Cafe Oto Wednesday 22 Feburary Writer’s Recommendation Sonic Youth bassist Kim Gordon goes solo, alongside “constant in A test of what we’ve learnt so far: listen to the song the free rock universe” Bill Nace, ‘Crushed Under the Weight of the Enormous Bullshit’ following their collaborative tape on and you should recognise some of the bands and al- Ecstatic Peace. bums mentioned in the song from previous lessons. Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto 18 Friday 17 February 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected]

Top 10 Box Offi ce fi lms in the UK this Tim loves Timothy week Tim Arbabzadah discusses the fi ve-decade-spanning James Bond series

he James Bond franchise tively – of course the action sequences (I hate that word) is one weren’t exactly 100% plausible. that has been going for 50 Why do I think these fi lms are over- years now. It’s amazing looked? Maybe it’s because there are how everything about the only two of them. Perhaps it’s due to Tfi lms – from their genre to the charac- the massive gap between the second terisation – has evolved and changed Dalton fi lm and the fi rst Brosnan fi lm? over time. This gradual change in genre Maybe they’re just not good and I just is interesting because it sort of paral- think they are. It’s hard to tell. I think lels the general changes in society, not it’s more a fact that, in a way, they to mention in values. The original fi lm, were almost ahead of their time. Had Dr. No, as well as the fi rst few, were def- they been made today, everyone would initely much slower paced. They built praise the harder edged, deeper Bond 1) The Woman in Black up much more gradually, and there was and the great balance between realistic – 12A – Daniel Radcliffe, much less action. The plot didn’t play and fantastical in the suspended dis- Janet McTeer out too quickly; I guess some may say belief world of Bond. Licence to Kill it was too slow to move on the story, was certainly not a fl uff action fi lm. but that’s all a matter of taste. I would To start with, Felix Leiter, James’ best 2) The Muppets – U – Ja- personally say that the later Bond fi lms friend, has his wife killed and is later son Segel, Amy Adams have evolved into being almost an ac- brutally mutilated, with his legs bitten tion fi lm. At times, they basically are off by a shark. That’s pretty damn in- just a big gunfi ght. The point I’m ter- tense. James Bond then goes on a solo 3) Star Wars: Episode I ribly making is this: life is lived today revenge mission against the drug dealer - The Phantom Menace at a much quicker pace, back when (the responsible. He’s angry. Sounds a bit – U – Liam Neeson, Ewan excellent, well, in terms of playing the familiar? In my view, it’s the fi lm that McGregor, Natalie Port- part, not in terms of some of his more the terribly titled Quantum of Solace man abhorrent personal views) Sean Con- should have, and could have, been. nery was 007, everyone was in less of It must be said that in my mind Pierce a rush – yes, I sound incredibly old... Brosnan is what James Bond looks like. 4) The Vow – 12A – Each Bond fi lm, in many way, refl ects I did like his wry humour and that he Channing Tatum, Rachel the era it was made in. It even fell into injected a lot of levity into the role. McAdams the trap of the Blaxploitation era in Live His character was at ease and detached and Let Die. enough to almost fi nd it all quite fun. Each actor who played Bond brought It’s just because he is the one that I have 5) Chronicle – 12A – something different to the table. Each grown up with. I remember watching Dane DeHaan, Alex Rus- Bond was different. Some fundamen- Die Another Day in cinemas. At the sell, Michael B. Jordan tal constants remained, but the exact time, to a 12-year-old boy, it was fuck- mix of traits differs wildly from actor ing amazing. Hindsight, and re-watch- to actor. I may not really have time to ing it, tells me that maybe I was a bit 6) Journey 2: The Myste- properly dissect each one individually, hasty in that conclusion. I also didn’t rious Island – PG – Josh so if I leave out your favourite, then it’s realize Rocky 3 was ridiculous until see- Hutcherson, Dwayne probably due to space restraints. ing it again recently; my judgment as a “The Rock” Johnson, Mi- In the fi rst fi lms Bond was much more child was all over the place. chael Caine brutal. He was coldly detached, but you Daniel Craig hasn’t fully proven him- could always sense a hint of moral fi bre self to me yet. Casino Royale was great in there that the job hadn’t managed to and a refreshing change in direction. I 7) The Descendants – knock out of him yet. He still retained feel a bit harsh to dismiss him on the 15 – George Clooney, the charm and raw attractiveness. basis of QOS. It wasn’t his fault that Shailene Woodley, Amara Then you have Roger Moore, who the script wasn’t good and when asked Miller brought out the super suave side. Al- what the plot was, most people can’t though, it must be said, it did get a bit give a satisfactory answer. ridiculous during his tenure. Proof: The take home message, if there is 8) War Horse – 12A – a space battle with LASER guns in one, is that each fi lm represents the era Jeremy Irvine, Emily Wat- Moonraker. A bunch of good and bad it was made in to some degree. It is a son, Tom Hiddleston guys have a fi refi ght in spacesuits. quite interesting point (yeah I would Huh? Is the reaction you’re looking for. say that wouldn’t I? I wrote this after Then it comes to the man that I think all) that something as seemingly non- 9) Jack and Jill – PG has been unfairly forgotten to a large consequential as fi lms about a badass – Adam Sandler, Katie extent, Timothy Dalton. His two offer- spy can throw up a point about how Holmes, Al Pacino ings are two of my favourites. He was times have changed. It seems like the the macho, angry, ruthless spy who had two Timothy Dalton fi lms were a bit a job to do and wanted to do the right ahead of their time and therefore aren’t 10) Man on a Ledge - thing. His fi lms defi nitely took the fi lms thought of too kindly, but time will in a much darker direction. They were judge them well. Watch The Living 12A - Sam Worthington, defi nitely ‘grittier’, to use the current Daylights and Licence to Kill and make Elizabeth Banks, Jamie buzzword. They still had Q and some up your mind. You must at least like Bell, Ed Harris one-liners, however they were more ‘re- the title song to The Living Daylights, I Look at those blue eyes... swoon... alistic’, as it were. By that I mean rela- mean come on, it’s by a-ha. imperialcollegeunion.org/elections Make a Impact! Check online to see more information about all the positions.

Standing for election is your chance to change Imperial for the better. The Big Elections

2012 has even more positions than ever before including ones in your own faculty. the

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FELIX Friday 17 February 2012 23 Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles fi [email protected] FILM Some fi lms to avoid on a date Whether it’s extreme violence, naked ladies, or weird psychos, there are fi lms that are simply big no-nos

The Human Centipede 2: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Full Sequence Part 1

If you’ve seen the fi rst Human Centipede fi lm, you Vampires, werewolves, vampires having a minor dis- may well have been pretty disgusted. It wasn’t nice, agreement with werewolves, a bit of running, a bit of was it? But this one is worse. This story follows Mar- slow motion vampire-y jumping, a girl pregnant with a tin Lomax, a depraved maniac obsessed with the fi rst vampire-human hybrid monster, said girl’s pregnancy fi lm, and his insane urge to create a twelve-person craving being a nice cup of blood... yep, this is a spec- ‘centipede’. You can imagine how it goes. This movie tacular fi lm. Not only will the love interests (and I use has not been released into any UK viewing format: the term ‘interests’ lightly) bore the pants of all par- the British Board of Film Classifi cation deemed it “un- ties, but the strobe lighting and reasonably graphic doubtedly tasteless and disgusting”. birth scene are likely to make some feel dizzy.

Irreversible La Belle Noiseuse

Directed by Gaspar Noé, this French fi lm was re- Seriously – any fi lm in which we can see the fantas- leased in UK cinemas without much question, al- tically gorgeous Emmanuelle Béart standing totally though admittedly with an 18 certifi cate. This is starkers for two hours while modeling for a painting, surprisingly lenient considering a hugely graphic should not be a boring fi lm. Unfortunately, the fi lm is rape scene which goes on for what seems like many four hours long... and the other two consist of close- uncomfortable hours, not to mention some spec- ups of the painter at work. So not only are you pa- tacularly extreme and gory death-by-fi re-extinguisher- rading naked lady in front of your date, you are also bludgeoning. Certainly not the best date fi lm by any boring her rigid. I mean, at least have Béart do star- means. jumps, or something.

Honourable mentions: Fatal Attraction, Titanic, Pink Flamingos, Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire, I Spit on your Grave, The Last House on the Left, Misery, Requiem for a Dream, Revolutionary Road, American Psycho, Showgirls, Striptease, xXx, The Fast and the Furious series, and any fi lm by Lars von Trier Harry Potter and the Deadly Woman

The Woman in Black eral hundred people all having nervous to something new. and makes him associate more with the breakdowns at the same time. So it was Let’s be honest – when you heard creepy past of the mansion’s stories. A Director James Watkins a risk adapting this sepulchral, haunting about this fi lm you were pretty sure it nearby landowner (Hinds) tells Kipps Screenwriters Susan Hill (novel), tale to the screen, where popcorn tends wasn’t going to be worth seeing. How- about a mysterious, cloaked old woman Jane Goldman (screenplay) to distract from the terror. ever, thanks to its well-styled, very Ed- who has been seen at the window of the Cast Daniel Radcliffe, Ciarán Hinds, Janet McTeer But adapted it was. Central Televi- wardian setting and some clever story old house from time to time. Even learn- sion made a television production of The changes by screenwriter Jane Goldman, ing this, Kipps (foolishly) decides to Lucy Wiles Woman In Black, which was broadcast this version actually feels less like a re- spend the night at the old house to fi n- on Christmas Eve 1989 and repeated just make, and more like you’re rereading an ish his paperwork, and learns a lot more Anyone who has seen Susan Hill’s eery once since in 1994. This version was old story with new eyes, realising things about the old woman, who pays him a tale The Woman in Black on stage will very successful, and is often described you didn’t get before, and the whole fi lm visit or two… know that the performance is terrify- as one of the most creepy, paralysingly trembles with freshly scary resonances. Director Watkins is a true expert in cre- ing. Even people who say they don’t get scary screen adaptations of a ghost story Radcliffe actually gives a pretty con- ating a permeating sense of dread, and he scared got scared in the theatre at this ever made. vincing and mature performance as Ar- keeps you holding your breath with sus- one. But that’s just it – in the theatre, it’s So, having worked wonders with this thur Kipps (extraordinary considering pense for as long as possible before the dark…the woman is creepy as hell…oh version, why take the risk and make it he still looks like he’s twelve years old, shock actually makes you jump. Don’t god, why is the rocking chair rocking again? Well, aside from the fact that the bless him), who is a lawyer summoned be mistaken by the 12A certifi cate – true, on its own…oh my god why have the rights to the version made by Central to a slightly dilapidated, remote mansion there’s no blood or gore, hardly any mon- lights gone out….OH MY GOD THE Television are M.I.A. (which is pretty to settle the recently-deceased owner’s sters and ghosts in this fi lm, but that’s ex- WOMAN IN BLACK IS SCREAMING creepy), Daniel Radcliffe will certainly estate. In one of the major twists from actly what makes it so terrifying. Like all RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!! I mean – you bring in a wide audience as the self-con- Hill’s original story, Kipps is a young of the best ghost stories, The Woman In really get into it when there are sev- fessed ex-alkie graduates from Hogwarts widower, which perhaps affects him, Black only gets better in the retelling. You’re on your own this time... 24 Friday 17 February 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] Love, Lust, Sex, Passion, W Felix Film looks back at the past eight decades of cinema, hand-picking the most touchi

The 1930s: The 1940s: Casablanca

Queen Christina It was an easy one to decide, this. With endlessly quotable dialogue from its If you want to watch a love story where a magnificently nostalgic script, along monarch gives up a throne for love, don’t with a high-profile Hollywood pairing be- watch Madonna’s latest, W.E., which is a tween two actors that has subsquently bland, dull retelling of this century’s great- been copied but never defeated, this est romance. Watch instead the divine, story of unfulfilled love, regret and sac- majestic Greta Garbo’s Queen Christina, rifice is simply irresistible. The sudden in which she plays a Swedish queen, torn appearance of an old flame (Ingrid Berg- between her loyalty for her people and man) is bad news for a local bar owner her love for a Spanish nobleman which (Humphrey Bogart) living in Morocco, is much criticised by her country. Garbo, away from all the violence sweeping the talented Swedish beauty who was through Europe during the early years of the Queen of MGM (the fi lm production the Second World War. They both have company that “owned” her) in the 30s a chance to escape to America but his had a string of fi lms that were released love seems to have turned up with a and proved to be instant hits. Her pierc- new man of her own. Ending with one ing gaze, large and clear eyes, and thick of the bravest, most heart-wrenching but comprehensible accent, make her scenes of all time without a hint of any the perfect heroine in a tragic love story. over the top sugary sweetness, Casa- Closing with one of the most unfogettable blanca is the one essential black and close-ups of Garbo’s strikingly beautiful white film that must be watched even face, Queen Christina is an emotional, for those who aren’t so keen on old- heart-breaking love story. fashioned style.

Other worthy nominees: Dark Victory, It Other worthy nominees: Now, Voyager, Happened One Night, Gone with the Wind It’s a Wonderful Life, The Lady Eve, Gilda

The 1970s: Love Story The 1980s:

Love stories and tragic, tear-jerking dra- On Golden Pond mas don’t come much thicker than this. The famous “love means never having to Not all love stories need to be about say you’re sorry” line was coined here, young, immature, attractive couples as two awfully pretty star-crossed lovers discovering the ups and downs of com- Ryan O’Neal and Ali MacGraw are sepa- mittment with many tragic events along rated and put through hardship by their the way. What is more deeply touching differences in wealth, class and even- is the bond shared for decades, which is tually poor health. This may have more what is shown On Golden Pond between manipulative emotional pit falls than Norman (Henry Fonda) and Ethel (Katha- any other fi lm you may experience in the rine Hepburn.) The fi lm is as much about future, but it remains a fi rm favourite their long-lasting love as well as the un- amongst the most romance-loving au- easy relationship shared by Norman and dience members. Based on a phenom- his daughter, played by Jane Fonda (no enally popular book, the fi lm turned out prizes for guessing how she’s related to to be a massive hit too, raking in over Henry Fonda). It’s a calm and collected a hundred million dollars back in the fi lm of many similarly styled performanc- 70s States alone, on a modest budget es, with a careful, close perception of a of $2.2m. The Oscar winning score also typical family life. An absolute must for plays a huge part in creating a sombre, anyone looking to be blown away by the rich, melancholy atmosphere, another superb portrayal of everlasting affection something to break your heart in the and dedication, and even for the coldest fi lm’s most tender moments. cynics who always struggle to sit through a number of corny romantic fi lms. Other worthy nominees: Harold and Maude, Annie Hall, The Way We Were, Other worthy nominees: Out of Africa, Coming Home Moonstruck, When Harry Met Sally, Reds FELIX Friday 17 February 2012 25 FILM Warmth, Beauty, Desire ing and memorable movies – ideal for a quiet, intimate, romantic night in

The 1950s: An Affair to The 1960s: Bonnie and Remember Clyde

Although not without its cheesy moments, The strong word-of-mouth success of this and the misunderstanding that tears this was the prime reason Warren Beatty, the couple apart is no doubt painfully frustrat- star and producer, walked away with a large ing to watch, the sizzling chemistry that sum of cash and Faye Dunaway was pro- Cary Grant shares with Deborah Kerr sim- pelled into stardom in her debut role. In the ply melts away any little missteps this may tricky roles of a couple of bank-robbers and have made on the way. Despite its second eventual killers, Beatty and Dunaway make half drifting more towards the tragic side of one heck of a duo and their team, consist- love, there is plenty of sassy, quick-witted ing of Gene Hackman, Estelle Parsons and, banter between the two that allows sparks is one worth rooting for – which is why the to fl y. Add to that the sensational original tragic fi nal scene, shot with such effective song written by Harry Warren, Harold Adam- speed, accuracy and sudden close-ups, son and Leo McCarey, and you get one of has more impact. Even through the tough- the most iconic love stories of all time. The est, potentially life-threatening situations, Empire State Building became more popu- this brave couple copes by relying on and lar due to the romantic setting of this fi lm, having faith in each other. They commit and although rather poorly adapted by Nora crimes, and Bonnie even goes so far as Ephron in her Sleepless in Seattle, An Affair to cheerfully exclaim “we rob banks!” but to Remember thankfully has its reputation their convincing passion and committment intact. have a thing or two to teach us all.

Other worthy nominees: Roman Holiday, Other worthy nominees: The Umbrellas of From Here to Eternity, A Star is Born, The Cherbourg, Splendour in the Grass, West Country Girl, The African Queen, Singin’ in Side Story, Doctor Zhivago, Breakfast at Tif- the Rain fany’s

The 1990s: Ghost The 2000s: Atonement

The late Patrick Swayze was always asked War drives a lot of unfortunate lovers by fans to utter the word “ditto” to them apart, and nothing is more heart-breaking and if you’re unsure as to why that is, to see than two people who could have watch Ghost and fi nd out that sometimes, and should have been able to spend the words “I love you” are often overrat- more time together. Due to a little girl’s ed. Even in death, Sam’s (Swayze) soul misguided imagination, Robbie (James lingers on Earth in order to complete his McAvoy) is separated from his true love one fi nal task: keep his girlfriend Molly Cecilia (Keira Knightley); fi rst being es- (Demi Moore) safe from those who had corted to prison, then to the front line him killed. Molly struggles to move on of the First World War. Will they ever re- of course (especially after that pottery unite? It’s unclear throughout the course scene, no-one would) but not everything of the fi lm but what is apparent is the two is a complete downer. With a killer comic lovers’ painful longing for the years and relief performance from Whoopi Goldberg years they remain apart. The fi nal mo- as the sole person who can communicate ments of the fi lm, handled so well in their with the dead soul of Sam, it achieves sheer modesty and sincerity with acting a nice balance between tragic romance veteran Vanessa Redgrave shining in her and hysterical comedy, never undermin- brief scene, are devastating yet incred- ing or sacrifi cing one another. Another ibly satisfying. Although it covers a long well-played chart-topper came from this duration, it is a neatly condensed, highly – The Righteous Brothers’ “Unchained watchable affair, immaculately presented Melody.” by a truly talented English director, Joe Wright. Other worthy nominees: The Bridges of Madison County, Jerry Maguire, One True Other worthy nominees: Away From Her, Thing, Beauty and the Beast, The English Once, Brokeback Mountain, The Notebook, Patient Amelie 26 Friday 17 february 2012 FELIX Games Editor: Laurence Pope GAMES [email protected] Virtual dating for those despondent Valentines Once more Valentine’s Day rolls around, and once more my evening date is a bottle of vodka and video games. The result? Tongue-in-cheek dating profi les for video game females. I may need to kick the habit

Alyx Vance (HL2 Series) Samus Aran (Metroid Series)

From: City 17 From: Zebes The Good: Feisty yet incredibly practical ac- The Good: Has a great body and gorgeous tion girl with energy and brains to spare. looks. The Bad: Packs heat. On no account leave The Bad: That is, if you can get her out of the relationship on a sour note. her suit. Mr Right: Prefers the strong, silent nerdy Mr Right: Tony Stark. type. Having a PhD in theoretical physics is a plus. sporting her impressive Power Suit with more weaponry than your average mid-sized occupied Earth has moulded her into a battlecruiser. After a hard few weeks or technical whizz quite capable of holding months scouring the galaxy of evil expect herself in a fi re fi ght, all the while keeping a tigress on your hands with a dire need to her looks intact. She lives for the moment, get out of her Power Suit and relieve some because you never know when the next tension, if you know what I mean fellas. Hunter strike is a-coming. Still, you can probably see the problem Those wanting a simple life may wish to arising here. Love and relationships will steer clear however. Expect to be running take second fi ddle if the Space Pirates or to keep up with her, both physically and the Metroids start becoming a problem mentally, never settling down for too long. again, and Samus isn’t one to put it all be- Alyx certainly isn’t one to take the easy If the term ‘strong independent woman’ hind her for another few minutes snuggling If you’re looking for the best of both worlds, route through life, and whilst she’ll come were to be applied to anyone it’d apply to on the couch. Expect to be left behind twid- brains and beauty, then Miss Alyx Vance is back for you no matter what, it can make Miss Aran. As an ex-soldier and bounty dling your thumbs whilst she’s out saving your best bet. Growing up on a Combine- for an exhausting relationship. hunter Samus is well-versed in combat, the galaxy for the umpteenth time.

Bayonetta (Bayonetta) Princess Peach (Mario Series)

From: Vigrid From: The Mushroom Kingdom The Good: Indulges in a whole host of fe- The Good: Well-mannered, generous and tishes, some of which you’re bound to enjoy. rich. Also a Princess. The Bad: Indulges in a whole host of fetish- The Bad: Has a bad habit of being kid- es, some of which you’re bound to be utterly napped by large sentient reptiles. sickened by. Mr Right: Portly southern-European gentle- Mr Right: A man to whom ethics, morals men with large moustaches and a talent and decency have no meaning, or medieval for plumbing and go karting. dungeon keepers (often one and the same). riches, in excess of $1bn, will certainly cottage with a white-picket fence. Instead make life a whole lot easier. you’ll be getting an action-packed sex- Be prepared for some very interesting crazed thrill ride. mood and personality swings however. On the other side, an action-packed sex- Whilst at times Peach will display some crazed thrill ride is ALL you’ll be getting. lethal punch and kick combos, she’ll also A fetishist’s wet dream. Bayonetta is a Sounds fun now, but a few months down suffer sudden relapses, somehow inca- witch, but don’t go thinking about the ugly the line and you’ll be completely knackered pable of even rudimentary self-defense. sort with warts and all. No, Bayonetta is a with a woman (sorry, witch) still to please. A blonde beauty with a heart of gold, the These lapses are often taken advantage gun-toting, demon slaying seductress with Moreover, whilst some of her fetishes may sweet Princess Peach will certainly never of by a large ferocious kidnapping reptile. legs all the way up to Heaven. The vanilla be hot, others will inevitably scare the liv- let you down. Don’t assume that she’s all Should this occur, be ready to go out and amongst you will do well to steer clear – ing daylights out of you – keep in mind that looks and no brains though – she’s prov- rescue her to keep the relationship ticking Bayonetta is not the girl for those of you this wild cat is a witch who kills demons en herself adapt at go karting, football over. Alternatively contact the Mushroom looking to raise a nice family and own a using BDSM techniques. and even hand-to-hand combat. Her vast Kingdom’s friendly local plumbing service.

Fancy writing in for Felix Games? We don’t bite! Email [email protected]. Have a Weighted Companion Cube: FELIX Friday 17 february 2012 27 Fashion Editors: Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang [email protected] FASHION Embracing diversity in fashion Munim Islam and Alice Yang interview fashion’s top activist and All Walks founder Caryn Franklin

fashion industry expert ments including Fashion Targets Breast “is an initiative to broaden the body and ideal that sells more for them.” earned my living from it, but I can see for over 30 years having Cancer, and the recently launched All beauty ideals we currently see in our In fact, Ms Franklin feels that the in- its faults and that is why I am vocal.” co-edited i-D magazine, Walks Beyond The Catwalk campaign, fashion media”. It promotes inclusivity dustry has shrunk in terms of diversity Of course to assist with such cam- renowned for its rebellion Caryn Franklin is an activist, not just in the industry “creating a message to all and individuality since she entered it in paigns, All Walks has pulled in the to conventional views to- in fashion but in regard to the general women”. the 80s when she swapped a life in the precious voluntary time of fashion’s Awards art, fashion and music, and pre- racial, size and age discrimination that Although at fi rst to some, it may seem army for art college, in part because the crème de la crème; from world famous sented BBC’s The Clothes Show for over exists in the modern world. like an initiative against the thin ideals shoes were “ugly”. As a result of this, photographers such as Rankin and Nick a decade, Caryn Franklin is anything but Her latest project, All Walks, found- current fashion modelling holds, Ms Caryn Franklin’s All Walks models fea- Knight, to the eccentric Vivienne West- your ordinary fashion journalist. With ed alongside model Erin O’Connor Franklin assures us that All Walks was tures women who would not otherwise wood – the voice of All Walks Beyond no less than four books under her name and former PR guru/fashion journalist not designed to discriminate any group be commonly seen in the industry. From The Catwalk is most defi nitely not a si- as well as a range of charitable commit- Debra Bourne of people: her current favourite Naomi Shimada, lent one. “We never say ‘real’ women because generally considered a plus-size model very thin models are real too, they’re a at a UK size 14 that Caryn describes as projection of femininity and beauty our a “curvy, sassy, clever model who sees industry prioritises. But they’re not the beyond modelling”; to the 82-year- only body ideal, which is why we’re old Daphne Selfe and Sheila Atim, an trying to broaden it. We’re not trying 18-year-old with a “very obvious Afri- to stamp these women out or get rid can heritage”, Caryn’s pick of models of them, as some seem to think!” for All Walks defi ne diversity. After such a distinguished career in In the name of promoting such ide- the industry, Ms Franklin recognises that als, All Walks has merged politics with there is a lack of ethnic diversity within fashion, from sparking debates in parlia- fashion. “It’s always been institutionally ment, putting on live shows during Lon- racist. Brands will justify it as it’s what don Fashion Week and creating exhibi- sells. Magazines will be reluctant to tions at the National Portrait Gallery, to feature black cover girls, because they touring the country in order to educate feel they don’t equal the magazine sales college students. Caryn’s message is of white women. Advertising wants to spreading. reach as many customers as possible “Fashion is full of possibilities and and feels that it is the Caucasian beauty opportunities. I love the industry. I’ve All Walks Founder: Caryn Franklin Dazed, confused and just a little hungry Alice Yang embraces her inner rebel as she investigates the quintessential rule-breaking magazine

orn in Hertfordshire in We Go Along. Although labelled as a valuable as the stark ingenuity the pho- Cooper, Alice Dellal, Cheryl Cole and to break down those barriers, encourag- 1996, John Rankin Wad- visual history, this book is far from just tographs themselves provide, and that Heidi Klum to name just a few. If any- ing everyone to strip themselves of their dell has come much fur- a collection of its controversial cov- alone is more than enough to provide a thing, this is 500 pages affi rming that masks and live life as they really want ther than most ex-account- ers and iconic photographs. Rather, its lifetime’s worth of feverish encourage- time has not made Rankin more afraid to. ing students, inspiring interviews documenting conversations ment to venture upon one’s own mission millionsB of people worldwide with his between the magazine’s to contrive the ravishing imagery which renowned collection of portraits. From founders, and its snip- lives inside each and every one of us. top models and famous celebrities to the pets of insight into In fact, it is this blazing need to Queen, all the way to the less glamor- the scenes behind the continuously express himself, as well ous Mugunga refugee camp in Congo, publication’s glossy as the realisation that he will for- his hefty Mamiya camera has seen it all. pages, makes this ever hold a craving to be inspired Yet perhaps Rankin is best known book so much more by those around him, that has led for the runaway success of Dazed & than just an exhibition Rankin to his most recent project Confused, the original cool rebellious of pictures. Such Hunger. A darker portrayal magazine that broke boundaries and in- wise words of the visions that eat at troduced unconventional new talent to from these gi- those blessed with the creative industry. Having started out ants of the talent, the bi-annual as a black and white fold-out poster, this new gen- magazine that is experimental brainchild of Rankin and eration of Hunger is still Jefferson Hack now sits on the shelves fashion in its early days. alongside the industry giants Vogue and journalism But of course, Harper’s Bazaar, becoming a stimulus and pho- being Rankin, for the evolution of newer cult maga- tography the engraved zines such as i-D and Vice. makes gold names on 20 years on and Rankin’s team have the text its consuming reunited to bring us the journey of ‘the in this debut cover is LEFT: Dazed & Confused: Making It Up As We Go Along Written by Jeffer- magazine that broke all the rules’ in picture- already covered son Hack, Edited by Jo-Ann Furniss. Rizzoli Publishers £35 RIGHT: Hunger (Issue 1) £4 Dazed & Confused: Making It Up As centred book as in stars; Dominic 28 Friday 17 FEBRUARY 2012 FELIX Books Editor: Maciej Matuszewski

BOOKS [email protected] The pick of this year’s Picocon A look at some of the books by the Guests of Honour at Imperial’s Sci-Fi convention

hatred and fear of certain aspects of through throughout the series. Per- that Lila is unwillingly dragged into Keeping it Real what proves to be a very interesting haps more importantly for a science- despite a hatred and revulsion for this world are actually completely jus- fantasy fusion the magical system is secretive and different race – and the by Justina Robson tified… just in time for them to be consistent, interesting and logical. It magic that comes with them. In her completely transformed. contains interesting elements such as undercover mission to protect per- I mention that the world is interest- the “games” that are essentially magi- haps the oddest elf in all the realms With a title like Keeping it Real and ing, but what I should probably say cally enforced wagers that can have – Zal, lead singer of a rock band ris- a cover illustration of a semi-cyborg is the ‘worlds’ plural are interesting. ing rapidly to superstardom despite super woman you might be forgiven Keeping it Real is set in a hemorrhag- the fact that “elves don’t rock” – Lila for assuming the first book of Justina ing mash up of the realms of men, “a hemorrhag- has to try to ascertain the validity of Robson’s Quantum Gravity series is elves, demons, fey and elementals, ing mash up of the death threats that lead into a much the kind of escapist trash that has us all bleeding into one another to some bigger and more complex plot than all hating on Stephanie Meyer. The degree. In contrast to Robson’s ear- realms of men, elves, she or her superiors ever imagined. fact that the series is entitled Quan- lier works this is not, at least in the Add to this the identity issues inher- tum Gravity gives some hint that first book, particularly science heavy, demons, fey and el- ent in a 21 year old who’s been rebuilt there may be more to things than in- and if you’re the kind of person that with largely prosthetic, or in fact ro- stantly meet the eye, and this is defi- needs a logical explanation as to why ementals all bleeding botic, body parts, unable to return to nitely the case. a supercollider would explode and her home or her family and friends. A Though Lila Black is a massively create passages into magical realms into one another” 21-year-old who has, of course, made enhanced superhuman spy, there are a then perhaps this series isn’t for you. the mistake of getting into a roman- number of departures from the sort of Overall the science is reasonably tic game with Zal along the way (this self-sufficient, badass feminist char- believable if not always explica- extreme consequences and are often is perhaps a little predictable… but acter whom you would expect here. ble and this leaves time free in the entered into unknowingly by humans who really cares so long as it’s hot, The series, now onto its fifth book, Lila comes with flaws aplenty, which short novel to flesh out what I (and unable to play them out as confidently right?). has been extremely successful and I initially crop up as just this. Later the I assume Ms Robson) think to be the as the elves and other magically en- Keeping it Real has all the elements look forwards to finding some time to details of the accident that left her at more important issues of Lila herself, dowed beings from the other realms. needed for an enthralling read and consume those that I haven’t gotten death’s door become more and more as well as the colorful and disparate Book One focuses primarily on the delivered in a humorous and effort- round to. clear and what looks like an irrational worlds that she walks the character elves and the Elvish realm and culture less manner I’d really recommend it. Alex Savell

forced by her company to testify at and 901, the AI she works with, strug- England that is not to unrecognisable Silver Screen a court case that will determine the gle to fi nd their place in the world. from the country today. It took a bit legal rights of artifi cial intelligences This naturally leads on to the compel- of getting used to high stakes intrigue by Justina Robson and various extremist groups would ling theme of what is consciousness playing out in places like Manchester, like nothing better than to see her as the book asks: how do we defi ne a an unusual setting for this kind of lit- dead. Welcome to the world of Silver human being? erature, but it certainly added a sense Anjuli O’Connor is having a tough Screen – Justina Robson’s cyberpunk It’s also refreshing that, instead of of intimacy to the story, and a feeling time – her oldest friend has just died masterpiece. the default cyberpunk setting of a that the situations it described could after trying to upload his conscious- At its core this book is a fascinating sprawling megacity, much of the ac- really happen. ness to the internet. She is being journey of discovery as both Anjuli tion in Silver Screen takes place in an Maciej Matuszewski

running Shadows of the Apt series. ing idea that gives a very attractive, lets up the pace afterwards as it fol- Empire in Black The series is set in an intriguing uni- almost steampunk-like, feel to the lows the desperate attempts, spurred verse populated by a number of differ- novels. on by his being present at the brutal and Gold ent humanoid races – each named af- This fi rst book in the series deals capture of the city of Myna seventeen ter, and sharing certain characteristic with the beginning of the war of years previously, of Stenwold Maker by Adrian Tchaikovsky (such as wings) with, a specifi c insect conquest waged by the Wasp Empire to prepare his people for the deadly or arachnid species. This is a world against the Beetle city-states of the onslaught of the Wasp armies. In were magic and relatively advanced Lowlands. The opening chapter grabs short, a perfect book for anyone who Empire in Black and Gold is the fi rst technology, such as ornithopters and you instantly with its vividly de- likes well written action and intrigue. book in Adrian Tchaikovsky’s long steam power, coexist – an interest- scribed battle scene. The book rarely Maciej Matuszewski

Double Vision fought by humans and their machines truth as to why they require her ser- novel are its likeable, well developed against a truly alien extraterrestrial vices. characters; especially Cookie her- Picocon 29 will be held species on a distant planet. Employed The best word that could be used to self – a massive science fi ction fan by Tricia Sullivan by the Dataplex Corporation to record describe this book is “weird”, but in with whom the target audience will at the Union on Satur- whatever she sees, Cookie also has to a good way. Little clues, and the use have no trouble empathising with. If day 18 February from deal with her ordinary life as an in- of the second person narration in the you like the general feel of Philip K. 10am. Double Vision follows Karen ‘Cookie’ secure, overweight person. However, vision chapters, help to unnerve the Dick’s work but want something that Orbach, a self proclaimed psychic, not all is as it seems with her visions, readers and gradually point them to is ultimately a bit more comprehen- See icsf.org.uk/picocon who, whenever she looks at a tele- and soon she begins suspect that her the surprising, but very satisfying, sible, this is the book for you. for more information vision screen, sees visions of a war employers aren’t telling her the whole conclusion. Another big plus for this Maciej Matuszewski FELIX Friday 17 February 2012 29 BOOKS Better read than Dead Games editor Laurence Pope reviews Yahtzee Croshaw’s epic MMORPG parody

eath is a real nuisance. The choice to write from a fi rst per- you can sympathise with despite his You can’t move, you son perspective was a wise decision. terminal undead status. He hasn’t got can’t see, you can’t – Yahtzee is able to transpose both his superpowers, he’s not special, and he’s well, let’s be honest thoughts and his feelings into the pro- as fl awed as the next man (or zombie, here, you can’t do much tagonist Jim, an undead low-level mage, if you’d prefer); yet by the end of the Dat all. The best you can manage is a bit resulting in a character that’s more like book you fi nd yourself rooting for him of basic decomposition, but it’s not re- Victor Meldrew than Frodo Baggins. to succeed in his desire to fi nally “re- ally something to brag about (not that Jim is an unheroic and irritable char- quiescat in pace”. you can talk anyway). On the plus side acter driven only by a strong desire to Juxtaposing Jim is a range of colour- though, you do get some well-deserved be dead again, constantly irked by his ful characters that serve to work up his shuteye. That is, unless you’re awak- companions; his mundane thoughts (congealed) blood pressure, including ened by a rogue necromancer who runs are at constant odds with the fantasti- Slippery John the inept thief and Barry monthly entertainment nights for his cal world he is forced to inhabit and the the Vicar. By the end of the story most undead minions. reality shifts he has to face during the of the supporting characters’ paths have This is Mogworld, the debut novel by story’s progression. intertwined but at no point does it ever Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw, most famous feel forced – they interact with one an- for his scathing online video game re- other seamlessly, despite how utterly views and opinion pieces for The Es- “Mogworld has been ridiculous everything gets towards the capist. Regular viewers will be able closing chapters. to pick up on his style of humour very described as what One word of advice before picking up quickly, though those unfamiliar with Mogworld: if you can’t tell me what an the Australian-based British-born game Terry Pratchett would MMO is, or what WoW is all about, you reviewer may need to take a chapter or may want to think twice before reading. two to adjust. have written had he Yahtzee has done an excellent job of Mogworld has been described as what balancing general humour against video Terry Pratchett would have written had been addicted to game humour, but ultimately many of he been addicted to video games in his video games” the subtler jokes will be missed, and the youth. In his book Yahtzee takes the overall story, whilst far from complex, magical fantasy genre and tips it on its will be better appreciated by those read- head, blending fantasy elements with ers who know how to tell their FPSs his knowledge and passion for gaming. And yet he still remains a lovable apart from their RTSs. Not to spoil too much, but the world the character. Despite his fl aws you can All in all, Mogworld remains one of characters inhabit isn’t quite all that it sympathise with his plight, the only my favourite books, funny and some- seems. Maybe you can work it out if I sane man in a world full of blood- what fresh despite some minor repeti- tell you that the “Mog” of Mogworld crazed suicidal barbarians, corrupt tion of jokes I’ve already heard from his is actually an acronym for something guild offi cials and terminally depressed online review series. A fun, immersive else… citizens. He’s the straight man, one read all round. Jim has clearly had better days

Jim has had better days A moving reminder of simpler times A look back at Le Petit Nicolas – Goscinny and Sempé’s nostalgic masterpiece

Maciej Matuszewski these were collected in book form. first person narration. While constant rivalry between books’ covers with equal prominence Nicholas is an ordinary boy living younger readers will cer- the Nicholas’ father and to that of Goscinny. His drawings are I know what you’re thinking – sure- in an unspecified city in 50s France. tainly find Nicholas’ ex- his neighbour, Mr Blé- a vital addition and complement the ly this can’t be a review of a se- Each story focuses on a specific epi- periences, and how he durt, who are neverthe- stories perfectly. They are simple, re- ries of children’s stories in Felix. sode in his life – from a school pho- describes them, funny less described by the minding you of childlike sketches, but Well, if the television section can it is clear that the sto- boy as “friends”, the full of joy and youthful energy. I can’t review My Little Pony I can review “while it can clas- ries are also cleverly occasional petty quar- imagine how they could capture the the Nicholas books. Indeed, while designed to evoke nos- rels between his parents, feel of Goscinny’s writing any better. it can classified as children’s lit- sifi ed as children’s talgia in older audiences. and his mother’s empty The stories are very short – most erature, I for one think that the main Nicholas’ short attention threats to move back with can be finished in under ten min- appeal of the series is for adults. literature, I for one span, constant falling out with her mother, never fail to utes, so you can get through them Le Petit Nicolas, as the eponymous his friends only to get back raise a smile. There is even if you don’t have a lot of free protagonist and narrator of the sto- think that the main together as if nothing had a childlike innocence time. Indeed, they’re the perfect way ries is known in the original French, happened later the same day and charm to this all to relax and remind yourself of your was created in 50s by René Goscinny, appeal of the series and his general immaturity that is very appealing. more carefree days. It’s a shame best known for his work on the Asté- serve to pleasantly remind Any review of these that the Nicholas stories aren’t as rix comics. Goscinny wrote over two is for adults” us of our own childhood. books wouldn’t be popular as they should be in Eng- hundred short stories about the red Another common element complete without a men- land but you’ll probably be able to sweatered seven year old –- first in of the stories is commentary tion of the illustrations. find them in any bookstore, such as the Belgian paper Le Moustique and tograph to his parents buying him a on the absurdities of the adult The name of the illustrator, the excellent Daunt Books, that has later in the highly respected Sud Ouest bike. The humour is derived mainly world from Nicholas’ young Jean-Jacques Sempé, quite a good children’s and foreign lit- Dimanche. It was not long before from his understandably childlike viewpoint. Descriptions of the rightly appears on the erature sections. Pleasant reading! 30 Friday 17 february 2012 FELIX Food Editors: A n a s t a s i a E l e f t h e r i o u Michael Krestas FOOD [email protected] Eat your heart out The secrets of a lobster saltysoul.wordpress.com www.gourmetotaku.com So you think love comes from the heart? Anastasia Eleftheriou Although Valentine’s Day has passed, the Food Section would like to suggest to its readers a The next time you see live lobsters at a res- repulsive yet interesting cake to eat with your taurant market, don’t be afraid of them! You beloved one. will see that they’re pretty easy to cook and As everybody knows, and as memes have been enjoy. making clear the past days, Imperial students Lobsters are very expensive though, and are way more savvy than any UCL geek, and that is not only because they are very popular, are certainly aware that a real heart isn’t in the but because it’s very diffi cult to fi nd them. shape of upturned buttocks. They live in holes and caves in deep waters I fi nd it of great importance that we reject and don’t get out of them very often. anything that presents, makes use of, or even There are two kinds of lobsters; the fi rst one www.foodbeast.com glorifi es the Valentine’s Heart. It’s time some- lives in warm waters and has no callipers and one stepped up and defended this magnifi cent the second one lives in cold waters and has organ, beating at 80 bpm, continuously pumping two enormous ones. Keep in mind that a lob- blood so that we can keep trying to weaken it ster should be alive to have a good taste when living a life full of responsibilities and deadlines you will cook it, as the lobster’s meat quality to meet. is altered very, very quickly. If you feel guilty The Lily Vanilli bakery in London, sharing my boiling them alive (although some people be- views, has decided to offer customers this ex- lieve that the nervous system of a lobster is traordinary and irresistible piece of... cake! too simple for it to feel any pain at all), put Scarily realistic but delicious, with a red velvet them in the freezer for 20 minutes to let them sponge, cream cheese frosting and blackcurrant become numb and then boil them. and cherry ‘blood’, this sweet human organ is Female lobsters are more tasty than male the best way to say your darling: “I love you. I ones and here is the way to distinguish be- love you and always will do. Now eat your heart!” tween the two; if you compare a male and So do you think you’re up to the challenge? a female lobster of approximately the same Eating a blood-red cake in the full size of a bleed- size, the female one has a wider tail to allow ing human heart? Just don’t eat your heart out! some space for its eggs. Michael Krestas In order to boil your lobster, you will need salty water, enough to cover the lobster com- pletely. Grasp the live lobster behind the Grilled, spaghetti or sushi? The choice is yours! The Lily Vanilli Bakery claws and drop it head-fi rst into the boiling water. Boil the lobster for 10 minutes for the fi rst lb of weight and then three more minutes for each extra pound. Once cooked, drain the to make your guests’ lives easier. You can ei- the lobster in half with a sturdy knife. lobster immediately and serve hot. ther use lobster crackers to crack the shell in Whichever your choice, make sure you en- You shouldn’t serve the lobster as it is, try order to reach the meat or cut the claws and joy it with the right person!

“One human heart please, without the artery...” Fairtrade Cooking Competition Olivia Tillbert, ICU Fairtrade Society Treasurer, announces the kick- The Imperial Food Awards off of the second Imperial Food Awards. This time we go Fairtrade! are back again for the he annual Fairtrade Fortnight is Each participant will receive free entry to a Spring Term. soon upon us! To kick-start the Fairtrade Fortnight event of their choice, in- festivities the ICU Fairtrade So- cluding the popular All You Can Eat Ben & ciety is hosting a competition to Jerry and Cheese & Wine nights! Therefore, fi nd the most scrumptious ethical the earlier the entry the greater the choice of This time we’re going Tchef at Imperial! events!

Fairtrade in association with ICU How to enter: Prizes: 1. Simply cook your amazing meal (it can be The lucky winners will receive the following Fairtrade Society. any type: starter, breakfast, tea, dinner, des- Fairtrade Fortnight starts on February 27 prizes: sert, etc.) 1st place: £30 voucher for EthicalSuper- 2. Write up your recipe including the ingredi- store.com We can’t wait to receive your ent brands used. The recipe can be inspired by Judging entries: 2nd and 3rd place: A Fairtrade Cookbook existing ones, however, your personal twist The competition is judged by how good the (TBC) recipes at food.felix@imperial. should be added. presentation of the meal is, how tasty the 3. Shoot some photos of your meal and the recipe reads and the percentage of Fairtrade Deadline: ac.uk. For more info, check the ingredients you used. products used in the recipe. The presentation The deadline for submissions for the competi- 4. Send in points 2 and 3 to: food.felix@im- and recipe categories are judged democrati- tion is Saturday 3 March. article on this page! perial.ac.uk cally on the Fairtrade website. Each category Remember, Fairtrade products can be rec- is weighted equally and amounts to a total ognised by the trademark printed on their Group and multiple entries are welcome! score, defi ning the winner! packaging (see above image). 80ss& 90 Friday 24 February 20:00 - 02:00

Only Drink Offers House spirit from 20:00 & mixer – £2.20 £3.50 Vodka Redbull – £3.00 Free entry before 20:00 in Metric Jägerbomb – £3.30 Drinks From 20:00 Nick Offers in Metric Bright Wednesday nights Stella 4% £2.00 Boddingtons £2.00 Metric Friday nights Friday 17 February House spirit & £2.20 20:00 - 02:00 mixer Only Vodka Redbull £3.00 £3.50 Free entry before 20:00 Jägerbomb £3.30 imperialcollegeunion.org/metric 32 Friday 17 february 2012 FELIX Travel Editors: C h r i s R i c h a r d s o n Dushi Arumuganesan TRAVEL [email protected] Wishing you were here Welcome to the jungle Wandering through the misty morass: India’s Western Ghats

‘Surfi ng in Kuta’ by Sonny Tumbelaka

Travel on your doorstep A revitalising coconut scrub after a rough day at the offi ce

Chris Richardson fore letting me head out in search of tigers. help in various construction processes by mov- Thekkady sits alongside the Periyar Tiger ing heavy materials. In this camp you can tell By the time I hit Kerala I was more than ready Reserve, making the 5 o’clock start for the full that the elephants are well looked after: they for it: with Rajasthan’s dusty forts a distant day safari that little less tragic. I only spent a have a beautiful home, respectful owners and memory I was ready to hit up something a few days ambling through this gorgeous na- a more-than-ample food supply. Giving the el- little more tropical. That’s the incredible thing tional park but could have easily spent more – ephants a coconut scrub after a rough day at about Kerala: after a short and breezy (read: unfortunately, the tigers are elusive at the best the offi ce is a must for visitors to Thekkady. forty hour and mosquito-infested) coastal of times, with some workers only catching a Having been tempted by Dolly’s artisan train down from the north, you fi nd yourself glimpse of a dozen or so in a decade’s work. Keralan culinary skills, I spent my last night in paradise. Of course, to the rational mind Regardless, the various trek routes and abun- in town attempting to replicate some of the Side streets of seedy Soho that doesn’t doubt the existence of continental dance of other animals make it worthwhile. results. I spent far too much time in India in drift, this shouldn’t really come as much of a In just a few hours I managed to tick off just cooking classes but could have easily kept go- shock. But I was still in awe of the abundant about everything but the tiger, including ele- ing: in spite of the results being sub-par the Get there: Boris bike (‘cause it’s faster) African-esque fl ora and fauna at my disposal. phants, bison and vibrant birds. All of this hard feast is always a delight. Plus it’s a great place See: Endless cocktail and blues bars After adjusting to communist Kerala for a work was concluded with a relaxing bamboo to hook up with other backpackers on a similar Eat: Mezze to share at Yalla Yalla few days we opted to take a local bus through raft across the park’s tranquil lake. circuit. Thekkady was a great place to dabble Cost: £5-15 for nibbles for 2 the windy Western Ghats to Thekkady, an un- with Keralan cuisine, what with all of the nec- tainted town with lots of things on offer. For essary ingredients literally being taken from Hop away from Piccadilly’s tourist-fi lled pavements some reason Thekkady seems to evade some the garden outside the family home. and delve into the side streets of Soho. You’ll be “Head to Thekkady and people’s schedules, but I’d list it as one of In short, don’t bypass Thekkady if you’re in pleasantly surprised by the swanky bars offer- my favourite Keralan destinations. For this the area (and indeed, go out of your way to be ing free music all nights of the week (see: Ain’t get lost in the under- leg of the trip I’d arranged a home stay with in the area): it’s sure to be a high point of your Nothin’ But), cheap and delicious eateries, and a the lovely Cyriac and Dolly at Pepper County growth” trip. The locals are humble, the nature serene, resident B@1 (formerly the Red Lion pub, Marx’s (PepperCounty.com) – be warned that hostels and the sights, sounds and smells as alluring as old hangout) that trumps its lousy Hammersmith can be really hit or miss, so if visiting be sure ever. When you’re bored of temples and forts, counterpart. to have a look at the thriving home stay scene. Thanks to tips from Cyriac I managed to head to Thekkady and get lost in the under- The home stay was lovely: Pepper County avoid a lot of the tourist traps in the town: ev- growth. Planning a trip? Want some quick advice from comes equipped with beautiful bedrooms, ery taxi driver and hostel owner seems to know experienced travellers? Have a travelling tale to views of the surrounding countryside and a about an ‘elephant sanctuary’ in the town, but Planning a trip to Kerala? share with Imperial? commercial farm that Cyriac will gladly show usually these amount to nothing. Cyriac ar- Drop us an email at [email protected], or you around. Here I really felt at home as Dolly ranged for me to visit a proper elephant train- Kerala Holidays (KeralaHolidays.com) were send us a tweet using #FelixTravel served up the best Keralan cuisine I had the ing camp, where I was able to help care for awarded as India’s Best In-Bound Tour pleasure of eating: egg curry, sweet cardamom the elephants and see how the villagers incor- Operator 2011, and offer tailor-made tour pancakes and frosty beer. Cyriac is a brilliant porate them into village life. With just a few packages for groups of all sizes. Visit the host, and took me up to some viewpoints be- simple commands, the elephants are trained to website and check out some testimonials.

34 Friday 17 february 2012 FELIX

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Spirit of Adventure with Mick Fowler Exploration Society invite “the Mountaineer’s Mountaineer” to Imperial College

Nathaniel Bottrell of the White Cliffs of Dover by using Since 2010 Mick is also the Alpine you can work in the tax offi ce and be an world’s top explorers. The society is Sara Arbós Torrent ice climbing gear. This adventure was Club President and is always enthusi- incredibly interesting person! there for people to hear about other’s met by a small audience upon comple- astically encouraging all young active With the opening up of the Himalayan experiences, or who have the desire to Ever sat in the Library, staring out of the tion and was reported in the local media. alpinists to join it! The AC is a great Mountains, there are many valleys un- explore themselves. window and wondering what else you source of help and advice when plan- explored and summits unclimbed. Only There’s an adventure to be had every- could be doing? On the last day in Janu- ning your next (or fi rst!) alpine ad- a modest amount of the Himalayas has where! ary, Exploration Society helped fuel the “A 65ft ice stack at venture. (More information on www. been summited, there is plenty of area The next talk will be on the adven- imagination of adventure by hosting a alpine-club.org.uk.) to be explored and adventures waiting tures of an Imperial College Kayaking talk by Mick Fowler. St Pancras station” Mick comes across as a modest guy to be had... expedition to Sri Lanka. It will be on Mick Fowler is a British mountaineer who just likes an adventure. I’d recom- Exploration Society organise many March 6 at 6:30pm in the RSM LT 1.31. but not your ordinary mountaineer. He, mend his talk to anyone. So it turns out talks throughout the year from the Hope to see you all there! as voted in a poll by the Observer, is My favourite tale involved Mick as- “the Mountaineer’s Mountaineer” and cending the fi nest ice climb in London. has been described by Sir Chris Bon- You wouldn’t think London was great ington as “one of the greatest moun- for its ice features, but on this occasion taineers”. What does this mean? Well, there was a 65 ft ice stack on the outside he’s not just another climber who talks of St Pancras station. While “belayed about nothing but climbing routes and to a handy parking meter” he ascended makes a conversation about Physics to fi nd the ice stack had formed from a seem more interesting. He is someone leaking toilet outfl ow. This landed Mick who takes adventure to new heights and some attention by the media and police Win prizes for you inspires you to try something other than service. The ice fl ow was then axed by the latest console game during your free the fi re service to prevent Mick dam- time. aging the building. Ironically, the fi re and your university I arrived at the talk to fi nd a near- service caused more damage than Mick full Physics Lecture Theatre (LT1) and had when climbing it. Mick standing at the front waiting to Apart from the unusual, Mick has also start. Mick began by informing the au- obtained many fi rst ascents of Himala- The Ernst & Young dience that he works for HM Revenue yan Mountains. His last ascent was the and Customs and enjoys exploratory Kajaqiao in China with Chris Watts. His climbing in his spare time. If you think previous ascent, of Siguniang in China University Prize-Tagging we have already climbed all there is to with Paul Ramsden, won Mick the pres- climb, you couldn’t be more wrong. tigious Piolet d’Or (France) and Golden Competition You just need to look around and see Piton (USA) awards for his route. To what is interesting. date, Mick has achieved the fi rst ascents During the talk, Mick relayed many of fi ve conventional rock climbs, fi ve stories of previous climbs and the ex- sea cliffs, nine sea stacks, six ice climbs periences that surrounded them. In the and eleven mountains. If you want to Visit our facebook 70s, when fl ares were in, Mick and two know more about Mick’s adventures, he climbing partners pioneered the ascent has published four books. page for the chance to win great prizes Nathaniel Bottrell for you and £10,000 for your university. facebook.com/ EYUKcareers

© Ernst & Young 2012. Ernst & Young is an equal opportunities employer and welcomes applications from all sections of the community. The UK fi rm Ernst & Young LLP is a limited liability partnership and a member fi rm of Ernst & Young Global Limited. Mick Fowler, not your conventional tax offi ce resident FELIX Friday 17 february 2012 35 CLUBS & SOCIETIES Vintage bar night for hockey club Alexander Karapetian Alexander Karapetian dancefl oor. Their exhilarating mashups in the future” and that “the club is an fi lled Vintage with avid students who extremely nice venue”. The Imperial College Hockey Club braved the snow to come out and ex- This was the fi rst event of its kind for (ICHC) hosted a bar night at Vintage, perience an invigorating clubbing at- this year’s ICHC committee, and the formerly Chateau 6, on Thursday last mosphere. Coupled with the fair drinks weather conditions on the night raised week. The event was open to all stu- prices, the barrage of over 150 students concern for turnout, but Jason told Fe- dents and served as a way for both had an overall air of positivity about lix they were “extremely pleased with students involved in sports and others the event. how it went and would probably look to to blow off some steam before the all- We asked Jason Ye why he chose hold [an event] there again some point important Varsity games this March. Vintage for the venue rather than Met- in the future”. ICHC found it particu- The event was organised by ICHC ric or the Union, and he explained that larly interesting that “there were quite Club Captain Jason Ye and Social Sec- “by holding it at Vintage, [they] were a few people who bought their tickets retaries Guy Khosla and Gilles Stassen, not exposed to any fi nancial risk or on the door, including members of the with tickets costing £5 and including a costs”, what with there being no mini- public who were just looking to get out free shot when bought online. Tickets mum bar spend, minimum attendance, of the snow”. This, in turn, worked in were also available on the door and stewarding costs and other limitations. their favour, as “the mix of ICHC mem- the venue fi lled up rapidly as the eve- While hosting a “We Are Metric” night bers, Imperial students and the public ning progressed. The organisers had in the Union would require the event to contributed to an amazing atmosphere secured drinks deals with Vintage that end at 11pm, Vintage stayed open three inside”. kept their attendees’ drinks fl owing, hours later, and the ICHC were able Vintage has previously been used by with beer and Jagerbombs at £2, vodka to negotiate “very favourable drinks many Imperial Clubs & Societies for mixers at £3 and a surprise addition deals” because they supplied their own various events as Chateau 6 before its of Sex On The Beach cocktails at £3 DJs. rebranding. With an extensive range of following the generosity of the venue’s “The fact that it was an event open cocktails, its prime location opposite staff hours before the event kicked off. to everyone and not just the Hockey Fulham Broadway station and numer- Two ICHC members, Joe Andrews Club made it a great night”, Jason con- ous rooms for gathering or dancing, and Josh Freemont, (Jolt DJs) provided tinued, adding that Vintage “seemed the ICHC executed a fun fi lled event the music and served as the DJs for the pretty receptive to holding more events for all. When they break out the pens, it’s time to get out

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www.imperial.ac.uk/accommodation 36 Friday 17 february 2012 FELIX Puzzles Editor: James Hook

PUZZLES [email protected]

Last Week’s Quick(ish) Crossword 1 2 3 4 4 5 6 7 8 Solutions Across Down 9 1. Plan esp. deviously (6) 1. Rain containing some ice (5) 4. Non-commissioned oi cer 2. Celebration before All Saints’ 10 11 10 above corporal (8) Day (9) 10. Obstruct light; outdo (7) 3. Be dejected and apathetic (4) Nonogram 11. Question with two possible 5. Person who can recall images answers (7) with unusual vividness (7) 1211 12 13 12 15 12. Ancient Turkish city; 6. 1964 fi lm with Honor Black- equivalent of avoirdupois for man as Pussy Galore (10) 14 13 gold measurements (4) 7. Pointer (5) 13. Heraldic bearings of e.g. a 8. Spore-bearing body of a fungus 151316 1417 18 1915 1620 17 family (4,2,4) (9) 15. Relating to lack of digestion 9. Impressionist painter - works 16 16 21 before excretion; nicer tile include Luncheon of the Boating anag.) (9) Party and Dance in the Country 182217 23 182419 1920 25 16. Class of compounds cotain- (6) ing NO2 (5) 14. Constricting the neck of 19 18. Obsession or madness (5) something (10) 19. 1977 Woody Allen rom- 15. The focus of public attention 262120 22 21 22 23 23 24 com with Diane Keaton (5,4) (9) 21. 11th century woman who 17. Supposedly future-predicting 25 rode naked in a tax protest (4,6) items (3,6) 23. White salty Greek cheese (4) 19. Mountainous European 2624 25 27 26. More i lthy or grubby (7) microstate (7) 27. Hand over (7) 20. State containing Las Vegas (6) 28. Message sent via making 22. Boring tool (5) and breaking an electrical con- 24. Main heart artery (5) 2628 29 nection (8) 25. It has a wavelength of 475nm Crosswords 29. Separator of Africa and (don’t pretend you need to look Arabia (6) it up!) (4)

QUICK(ish) - Across 1 geriatric 6 mimic 9 blinded 10 aerosol 11 row Word Wheel 12 square meals 14 psyche 15 Nonogram – Snake Charmer L E carnegie 17 roulette 19 lyceum 22 black beauty 23 dim 25 laid out 27 TARGET: 21 N A saharan 28 comet 29 dependent 2 5 Down 1 gabor 2 railway 3 andy 1 2 2 1 1 B schleck 4 radius 5 chairman 6 mar 1 4 1 2 1 1 1 2 1 2 1 1 2 5 Make as many words of at least U C 7 mustang 8 colosseum 13 monty 2 5 7 5 2 1 2 1 1 2 3 1 8 1 2 4 letters as you can, always using the python 14 parabolic 16 attested central one. NO plurals, conjugated 1 2 18 uranium 20 endorse 21 runs up verbs, comparatives or superlatives, A M 24 monet 26 opt 5 1 2 because I said so.. There is always at least one 9 letter word. 2 1 1

2 1 4 2 2 ChessSoc Chess CRYPTIC - Across 1 panorama 5 skater 9 alpha 10 grand slam 12 3 3 2 trustee 13 ablated 14 ideate 16 1 19 chaste 20 aspire 24 romance 25 eyesore 27 half-baked 28 plaza 1 2 29 rather 30 reallege Down 1 plan- tain 2 neptune 3 roast 4 magnet 6 2 3 1 kid gloves 7 tolstoy 8 remedy 11 1 6 amazon 15 trainable 17 streak 18 delegate 19 camelot 21 iron age 5 1 1 22 arthur 23 needle 26 expel 3 2

5 1 1

5 1 1

3 1 1 Chess The cells in a grid have to be col- to see what a typical solution looks oured or left blank according to like. The overall solution should yield ”White has a simple piece win numbers at the side of the grid. some sort of picture, or as good as a here, 1. d5 Ne7 2. Qa4+ picking up The numbers measure how many picture can look in monochrome on a the kinght on e4” unbroken lines of filled-in squares 15x15 grid. there are in any given row or col- As usual, answers to: puzzles.fe- umn. Look at last week’s solution [email protected]. FELIX Friday 17 february 2012 37 PUZZLES

FUCWIT SLITHERLINK League Leader Board The Felix University/College- 2 3 2 TTeams:eams: Wide Invitational Tournament Elbowfart 110 League is both new and im- proved, with prizes for both the 2 2 1 1 2 2 Cryptic Crosswords? The Jailbaits 100 winning team and the winning individual. 3 1 0 3 No Thanks! Pegasus & Parrots 82 Points are awarded for each 2 2 puzzle solved, double if you’re 1 2 Having trouble with the Paddy Got Bummed 55 the fi rst correct solution. 2 3 3 Felix cryptic crosswords in the sports section? No Cum Puzzling Sluts 40 The competition is hotting up, each wave of solutions more 132 idea what it all means or Team Nuclear 21 climactic than the last. Can you would like to know why really afford to miss out? 133 2 2 some answers are as they Ludibrium Lads 14 are? Contact puzzles.fe- [email protected] with IIndividuals:ndividuals: 223 2 2 Send your solutions to puzzles. the subject line “Cryptic Jeremy Neale 113 [email protected]! 1 3 Help”. You’ll be sent an 29 introduction to how cryptic WaelWael Aljeshi Aljeshi 37 2 3 2 3 2 3 crosswords work and what to look out for. Each week The aim with Slitherlink is to make one the info you need to get the one you’ll also receive com- Contributions wanted! continuous closed loop by connecting logical answer (though waiting a plete explanations to the the dots. The numbers in each square week to see the solution will also answers in the previous If you’d like to contribute by sending in puzzles, comics or even some ed- indicate how many edges of the square do). Answers to puzzles.felix@im- week’s Felix cryptic cross- iting, e-mail [email protected]. Be they horrendously compli- are part of the loop, so if it contains a perial.ac.uk, as the puzzles team word. cated things or funky picture puzzles you think readers would like, do get “2”, you know that two and only two recieves one self-addressed Val- in touch. General suggestions are also welcome. out of four edges have lines. That’s all entines card per correct solution.

56 teams, 28 matches 10 sports, 1 winner

Varsity 2012 Who’’s game? Tickets FREE for Imperial students! Imperial College vs Imperial Medicals - Wednesday 21 March

You must register for your free JPR Williams match ticket online by 7 March, or you will need to pay the full price of £10 at the gate. Matches at Harlington, Wilson House, Ethos and The Stoop Stadium, Twickenham, home to Harlequins RFC

www.imperial.ac.uk/sports/varsity 38 Friday 17 february 2012 FELIX Sport Editor: I n d y L e c l e r c q SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League Hockey: Pre-Varsity tension builds ...where do you stand? Christopher Walmsley

Team P W D L F A Diff Index 1 Fencing W1 9 9 0 0 1152 741 36 5.00 2 Rugby W1 2 2 0 0 77 0 -20 5.00 3 Tennis M1 4 4 0 0 38 10 -232 5.00 4 Tennis W1 5 5 0 0 56 4 -18 5.00 5 Ultimate Frisbee 1st 3 3 0 0 45 9 -20 5.00 6 Hockey W1 10 9 1 0 39 3 5 4.70 7 Rugby M1 10 9 0 1 242 149 -103 4.10 8 Fencing M1 9 8 0 1 1075 847 28 4.00 9 Badminton M1 9 7 1 1 59 13 0 3.67 10 ICSM Hockey W2 6 5 0 1 29 5 -2 3.50 11 Table Tennis W1 5 4 0 1 19 6 -124 3.20 12 Badminton W1 10 5 4 1 49 36 0 2.90 13 Fencing W2 8 6 0 2 699 647 93 2.75 14 ICSM Badminton W1 4 3 0 1 18 14 0 2.75 15 Netball W1 8 5 0 1 334 252 -9 2.63 16 Squash W1 5 3 1 1 11 9 -12 2.60 17 Tennis M2 6 3 2 1 40 32 -64 2.50 18 Lacrosse W1 7 5 0 2 101 37 -3 2.43 19 Hockey M2 9 5 2 2 27 22 2 2.33 20 Basketball M1 10 7 0 3 662 583 0 2.30 21 Fencing M2 9 6 0 3 1078 908 52 2.00 Another one bites the astroturf 22 ICSM Hockey W1 4 2 1 1 23 9 -12 2.00 23 Football M3 8 5 0 3 15 15 24 1.63 24 Lacrosse M1 5 4 0 3 71 36 -9 1.60 Jason Ye the heroics and diving tackles of B. Man Briggs close range, having either rounded the last de- 25 Football M1 9 4 2 3 15 14 228 1.33 Hockey at right back it may well have been fi rst blood fender or the goalkeeper, only to have our shot 26 ICSM Badminton M2 4 1 2 1 15 17 14 1.25 to the Medics. blocked by the last man’s stick on the goal line. 27 ICSM Football M2 7 4 0 3 15 12 -2 1.14 IC Men’s 2s 1 Halfway through the fi rst half came the It was clear that we were going to need more 28 Basketball W1 9 5 0 4 505 404 77 1.00 Imperial Medics 2s 1 breakthrough for IC. A scuffed undercut was than just hitting the ball in the general direction 29 Football M2 8 3 2 3 20 22 46 0.88 plucked by a Medic midfi elder above shoul- of the goal to succeed in securing the win in 30 Badminton M2 8 4 0 4 22 34 0 0.50 der height and this led to the umpire giving a this match. 31 ICSM Football M1 2 1 0 1 4 6 1 0.50 The second encounter between IC Hockey free hit to us. While the Medics were protest- Unfortunately halfway through the second 32 ICSM Netball W1 2 1 0 1 82 72 2 0.50 Men’s 2s versus their Medic counterparts was ing against the decision, the quick thinking of half the Medics prevailed in getting an equal- 33 ICSM Netball W2 2 1 0 1 52 50 -3 0.50 always going to be an exciting fi xture and it did Fresher Ed to self-pass and set up a breakaway izer. A mixup in central midfi eld as to which 34 ICSM Netball W4 2 1 0 1 47 50 -40 0.50 not disappoint. Off the back of a mediocre per- attack paid dividends, with a lovely through- players they were marking led to a 4 on 3 over- 35 ICSM Rugby M3 4 2 0 2 88 90 28 0.50 formance in deepest, darkest and dirtiest Ports- ball to Captain Slow who swept the ball into load in our 22, leading the Medics to sail the 36 Rugby M2 10 5 0 5 92 132 -6 0.50 mouth last Wednesday, we were completely the goal for IC. ball past Glory Hole’s outstretched left hand 37 Squash M3 6 3 0 3 10 19 -77 0.50 ready to spring back to winning ways. Needless to say, the Medics were furious at from the top of the circle. 38 Table Tennis M2 6 3 0 3 53 49 -37 0.50 A completely new-look Medic side from what they saw as an unfair advantage gained The rest of the game saw both sides push for 39 Hockey W2 8 3 1 4 10 32 79 0.13 the one we played last term, along with several after the self pass. After a prolonged consulta- the win. Some last ditch defending by the stir- 40 Netball W3 9 4 0 5 185 157 -52 0.00 ringers from their 1st XI intrigued us somewhat tion between the umpires it was decided the ling back four ensured that the Medics stayed 41 Futsal M1 7 3 0 4 31 40 13 -0.14 as the Medics 2nd XI have failed to win any of goal should stand, prompting one of the Med- out. Unfortunately our short corner routines 42 Golf Mixed 1st 6 1 1 2 7 10 4 -0.17 their games this season and languish at the bot- ics to agriculturally hurl his stick in anger about were once again woeful, something that should 43 Table Tennis M1 5 2 0 3 38 47 -12 -0.40 tom of our BUCS league. thirty feet. Ironically, C. Bell decided to ask the be changed. The indecisiveness of the short 44 Futsal W1 3 1 0 2 2 11 52 -1.00 The match started with a fl ourish. Some ex- umpire to send him off which didn’t happen. corner striker led to the Medics poaching the 45 ICSM Badminton M1 3 1 0 2 10 14 170 -1.00 cellent passing littered the fi rst portion of the It reached half time with the score at 1-0, ball from unnecessarily on multiple occasions, 46 ICSM Rugby M1 3 1 0 2 52 104 4 -1.00 fi rst half, with the seemingly frequent distribu- and some choice words from B. Man Briggs and this led to many of our chances simply 47 ICSM Rugby M2 3 1 0 2 32 135 -22 -1.00 tion channel of B. Man Briggs, Boris, Meat- such as “no more beef” were taken on board by squandered. 48 Lacrosse W2 3 1 0 2 15 21 -9 -1.00 spin, Soggy Biscuit, GTG and Strap-on com- certain members of the team. With the fi nal score 1-1, it was probably a 49 Football W1 7 2 0 5 4 43 13 -1.43 pletely ripping apart the Medic midfi eld. The Once the second half got underway it be- fair result for both teams. However, with IC 50 Rugby M3 10 2 0 8 100 120 -39 -2.20 preliminary symptoms of an impending defeat came increasingly clear that the Medics’ keep- Mens’ 2s having the only team to not have won 51 Squash M1 5 1 0 4 3 22 -19 -2.20 obviously didn’t settle well with our Medic er and defenders were actually in a league of or drawn their Varsity Match at least once in 52 ICSM Netball W5 4 0 1 3 25 185 -9 -2.50 friends and they fought back with a couple of their own. There were possibly fi ve or six op- the last two years, the hunger to conquer on the 53 Netball W2 6 1 0 5 123 200 -4 -2.50 crafty attacks down both fl anks. If it wasn’t for portunities where we could have scored from 21st March is now stronger than ever. 54 Squash M2 6 1 0 5 11 18 -160 -2.50 55 Squash M4 6 1 0 5 3 15 -7 -2.50 56 Hockey M3 7 1 0 6 8 20 8 -2.71 57 Hockey M1 10 1 0 9 9 46 82 -3.10 58 Basketball M2 3 0 0 3 142 266 411 -4.00 59 Fencing M3 5 0 0 5 424 656 36 -4.00 Interested in Sport? Email [email protected] 60 Hockey M4 9 0 0 9 3 67 64 -4.00 61 ICSM Basketball M1 1 0 0 1 46 64 35 -4.00 62 ICSM Hockey M1 3 0 0 3 6 26 3 -4.00 Want to contribute to Felix? or drop by the Felix office 63 ICSM Hockey M2 3 0 0 3 3 19 101 -4.00 64 ICSM Hockey M3 1 0 0 1 0 3 -2 -4.00 in Beit West Basement 5 points for a win | 2 points for a draw | -4 points for a loss Help us to edit this Web: www3.imperial.ac.uk/sports Facebook: Search ‘Sport Imperial’ Twitter: @SportImperial section! No prior experience necessary! FELIX Friday 17 February 2012 39 SPORT Women’s cricket at Lord’s Cryptic Crossword 1,511

IC Cricket 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Natasha Coral Cricket

9 10 The eagerly awaited BUCS Women’s Indoor Cricket Championships took place on a cold January morning at the world famous Lords Cricket Ground. 11 12 After a fantastic performance in Southampton, the girls were excited about taking on the tough competition brought to London by Exeter, Bristol, 13 14 15

Southampton, Birmingham, Lough- 17 borough, Leeds Met and Durham. On the day, the team consisted of 16 17 18 19 Priya Patel (Captain), Celeste Van den Bosch, Mithila Patkunan (wicket- keeper), Natalie Jones, Mitali Mishra, Romi Korotana and Natasha Coral. 20 21 24 22 23 24 After a tense warm up and some nerve- The ladies in front of the pavillion end... Howzat! wracking observations of the bowling talent being shown off in the next door 25 26 nets, as well as the impressive and also won. the fi nal and subsequently lost. It must sometimes unnecessary size of some of The last match of the day was against be pointed out, though, that Lough- the opposing teams, Imperial took on Durham, whose team consisted of borough’s team consisted of mainly Bristol, who bowled aggressively and England and county players. Impe- England players. We were thankful we 27 29 28 batted well. Sadly, Imperial lost. Our rial were not hopeful, but were given weren’t up against them! spirit, however, was not as we watched a better game by Durham who recog- Thanks go to our supporters who an exciting match between Birming- nised that we weren’t the strongest turned up with foam fi ngers and noisy ham and Loughborough and geared up team there though we still managed balloons and who took some great pho- to take on the formidable Leeds Met. to get a couple wickets against them – tos, seen on the Sport Imperial face- Across Down There had been some aggressive be- an amazing catch by Natasha, bowled book page. We may have lost, but our haviour shown by Leeds Met towards by Priya, and a run-out by our quick team spirit was defi nitely the best and 1. In sermons, terrible beast (7) 1. Church service in front of Bristol, which they did not lessen thinking wicket-keeper, Mithila. Dur- we are more determined than ever to 5. Non-permanent worker queens incomplete European muscle against us. Their competitive game ham also won, and indeed went on to go back next year and show everybody frames of mind (7) manipulator (7) seemed to have worked though, as they play Loughborough, their rivals, in what we’re made of! 9. South Easterners drink fluid (5) 2. Prickly thorn gives direction (5) 10. For locating objects in tundra 3. Speed within totem pole (5) darkness (5) 4. Cloud of anger in cluttered mistake 11. East African citizen hit English (3,4) piano curiously (9) 5. Rough terrain shoe (7) 12. Enlist two points and turn without 6. Killing eccentrically erring mud (9) Fencing: Women’s 2nds see off King’s fifty (5) 7. Ancient tree (5) 13. Beautiful German and one 8. Unused Knight, we hear, add! (7) American in tirade (7) 14. Spaceman is roast blasted before Helen Pennington previous matches had both been loss- by an even greater margin, with a fi - 15. Dear Sir mutilated the attackers (7) zero, we hear (9) Fencing es.The situation initially looked dire, nal score of 45-13. This meant that the 16. Stir wet stormy tornado (7) 16. Pooh’s bouncy friend gets royal as one fencer was clearly ill, and two epee team, composed of Helen, Slavi 18. Grind, ie. grain, an African state (7) catch (7) Women’s 2nd 135 people were injured from the week be- and Rebecca Razey (Becky), needed 20. One gram toilet house (5) 17. Cock list holding ball (7) King’s College 1st 62 fore. only four points for a draw and there- 22. Butchered 17 without rivers 18. Crazier hard fruit layer (7) The foil team, composed of Jenifer fore a technical victory, or fi ve points precedes track back specialist (9) 19. Cross the late sportsman (7) Mizen (Jenny), Sarah Chakera, and an- to win completely. Helen, Slavi and 25. Greek letter publication in reverse, 21. Cook 1000 meal making a On Wednesday, the Women’s 2nd chored by Stephanie Martinez (Steph), Becky fought valiantly, trying to keep endless publication (5) mathematical statement (5) Fencing Team faced King’s for the 8th dominated the piste, taking the lead in the opposing team with a total score 26. Lift up and destroy completely, 23. Man-eating giants king goes BUCS league match of the season. The the fi rst match and holding onto it to of less than 60 points. The epeeists we’re told (5) awkwardly (5) team needed a win to defend their cur- win 45-35. After foil, the team fenced almost, but not quite, met this target. 27. Apparatus to produce energy about 24. Genial ibis contains crime cover rent ranking of 3rd place in the league, sabre, during which Helen Pennington, they won 45-14, producing a fi nal thespian (7) story (5) and to boost team morale as the two Slavina Georgieva and Jing Quek won score of 135-62 to Imperial. 28. Breathe about steeple (7)

FELIX NEEDS SPORT YOU SPORTISSUE 1511 17.02.12

IC Taekwondo Kicking up a storm

IC Taekwondo in medal haul at the WTF London International open

Sammy Trinh reports

mperial College TaeKwonDo Korea (the home of the exciting sport.) able to observe a number of other competi- All the hard work and training paid off, his fi nal match in style with a technical (ICUTKD) has returned to its ICUTKD put forward a team of six fi ght- tors including European champions and with everyone winning medals. Inspired knockout that ended the match in a matter World Taekwondo Federation ers for the intermediate level sparring cat- the aforementioned Korean gaining insight by his chat with the olympian, Bhavesh of seconds. (WTF) roots this year, and recently egory, and came back strong with a six into their fi ghting techniques and experi- Patel was the fi rst to start and went on We look forward to our next major com- entered its fi rst WTF competition medal haul. ence. With most of the team having started to claim bronze. His team-mates were petition, this time with other university inI a long time. On Sunday 5th February, At the start of the competition, every- this year, and being from a wide range of equally successful, with Mayghal Vijapura clubs at the British Student Taekwondo Brentford Leisure Centre was host to the one was welcomed with a demonstration martial arts backgrounds and abilities, the also winning bronze, James Ko and Kaki Federation (BSTF) national champion- Taekwondo London International Open given by the Korean team from Yong In London Open served as a good starting Liu winning silver medals, and Roy Lam- ships next month. Check out our website, 2012, with competitors from all over the University, one of the top three institutes point to their competitive careers, giving bert winning gold. The most experienced www.icutkd.co.uk to see more pictures world – notably a team of specialists, dedicated to studying martial arts in Korea. them a great opportunity to put their skills member of the team, Chris Dancel, also and videos. We train weekly, on Mondays, which included an Olympic athlete from Throughout the rest of the day we were to the test in a competitive environment. brought back a gold medal and fi nished 6-9pm in the Union Gym. TECHNOLOGY COMMENT MUSIC FILM TRAVEL

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