I'm Listening 2
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"Pilot" Written by Nicole Conlan Based on current events and an un-current sitcom. INT. APARTMENT - DAY A smartly-appointed young professional’s apartment with all the Pinterest staples: tiny succulents, a basket-light suspended over a West Elm Peggy couch, word art that says, “Work hard and be nice to people.” It’s very comfortable; the only thing it lacks is any sign of a unique personality. The shower runs in the background while a podcast plays: MALE PODCAST HOST ... seven steps to aligning your personal brand with your company’s brand during these uncertain times. MAKAYLA MAGNUSSEN steps out of the shower. Early 30s and attractive mainly because she maintains such precise control over her laid-back appearance. She begins applying the many, many steps of her skin and makeup routine (jump cuts). MALE PODCAST HOST (CONT'D) Step one. Start a daily gratitude practice, listing all the ways you’re glad for your brand. After 20+ beauty products, Makayla has achieved the effect of looking like she’s wearing nothing at all. INT. MAKAYLA’S CAR - DAY Makayla listens to another podcast. FEMALE PODCAST HOST This is The Glance, a news blast for boss bitches. March 23rd, 2020. The big story is still Coronavirus, and I don’t mean that hangover after Taco Tuesday. Makayla laughs a little too hard, showing off for... no one? EXT. STARBUCKS DRIVE-THRU - DAY Makayla pulls into Starbucks, blasting Lizzo. INT. STARBUCKS - DAY Makayla waits for her coffee. She tries getting the attention of the very busy BARISTA. 2. MAKAYLA Hey! ... HEY! Excuse me! Startled, the barista drops the milk he was steaming. BARISTA Ah, dammit. Yes? MAKAYLA I just wanted to say, your shoes are so cool! BARISTA .... Okay. Americano for Makayla? He holds out a drink, which Makayla takes. MAKAYLA Oh my God, you spelled it right! You must really care. BARISTA (not looking at her) Venti green tea for Hassan! INT. OFFICE - DAY An open-plan office. Makayla stands at the sink and transfers her coffee to a reusable travel mug that says “The Future Is Female.” She throws the Starbucks cup in the trash and joins the staff gathered for a meeting. She playfully bumps into KEIKO (30s), a small woman whose entire wardrobe is from REI. MAKAYLA Hey work wiiiiife! Let’s talk after the meeting. I have an update on Hot Barista. This is as much a performance for other people as for Keiko. KEIKO I have kind of a busy day- MAKAYLA Trust me, this morning was huge. Makayla’s BOSS walks up to the group. BOSS Okay! Hello! First, I promise we’re taking your health seriously. We doubled our cleaning staff to sanitize all surfaces. (MORE) 3. BOSS (CONT'D) If you feel sick, please stay home. Okay? So, today’s blue sky items- MAKAYLA Ahem. BOSS Right. We have some announcements, so I’ll hand it over to our Head of People and Culture, Makayla. MAKAYLA Hey guuuyyss. This whole flu thing is pretty scary, and I want to make sure we take care of our mental wellness. So I’m instituting a mandatory gratitude practice for all staff. I’ll be coming around to check on that throughout the day. The staff all look at each other. BOSS Okay, great. So, moving on... INT. SPIN CLASS STUDIO - THAT NIGHT Makayla sweats it out in a class a-la SoulCycle, and she’s into it. Class members are separated with an empty bike between each rider. An INSTRUCTOR leads the class. INSTRUCTOR Fifteen seconds, come on! MAKAYLA Woo! We got this! The instructor looks at Makayla, then steps off her bike to pass out wipes. The stereo plays Cardi B’s “I Like It.” MAKAYLA (CONT'D) Oh, yes. INSTRUCTOR I have wipes, take as many as you need. Kick up that incline, ladies! MAKAYLA I like text-es from my exes/ When they want a second chance/ I like proving ni- The instructor cuts her off before she says the N-word. 4. INSTRUCTOR NEXT SONG. INT. MAKAYLA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Makayla sits in front of her TV with a Sweetgreen salad. Her Hulu “My Stuff” page lists one show: Frasier. It prompts her, “RESUME WATCHING: Season 4, Episode 6. She hits play. TV - NILES (O.S.) Don't be greedy! Your turn was over forty seconds ago! TV- FRASIER (O.S.) All right, Niles. Penthouse unit, fourth from the left. Makayla giggles. This might be the first time we’ve actually seen her have an honest reaction to something, without any posturing. It’s a rare moment of enjoyment that isn’t for the benefit of whoever is watching. INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT - THE NEXT MORNING Makayla listens to another podcast in the shower. PODCAST HOST ... these uncertain times, working from home gives us the opportunity to hustle even harder. INT. MAKAYLA'S CAR - DAY Makayla listens to her news podcast as she drives. FEMALE PODCAST HOST ...blast for boss bitches. March 24, 2020. It’s day 5 of the New York lockdown, and as other states follow, don’t make the same mistake we did: stock up on wine, fast! EXT. STARBUCKS - DAY Makayla is surprised to see a line of people standing at taped-off positions, 6-feet apart. She shivers - she’s not dressed to be outside in Minnesota in March. 5. When she gets to the front of the line, the same barista from yesterday is wearing a mask. MAKAYLA Grande Americano, please! Good to see you again. Or “see” you, behind the mask. Cool mask, bee-tee-dubs. BARISTA Wait over there, please. He points to another taped-off spot 6 feet away. Makayla walks over, then after a moment shouts at him. MAKAYLA This must be so stressful for you. It’s crazy they’re making you work! The barista loudly steams some milk. INT. MAKAYLA'S OFFICE Makayla transfers her coffee into the reusable mug, throws out her Starbucks cup, then joins the staff meeting. She playfully bumps into Keiko again. MAKAYLA Hey work wiiiife! BOSS Makayla, please. Everyone, we’ve decided to move the whole company to a Work-From-Home basis. The staff murmurs. Makayla is surprised, but quickly makes herself involved. MAKAYLA I’ll coordinate the transition. And I think, in light of recent events, what we really need is a gratitude circle. Everybody join hands. She extends her hands and the staff recoils. INT. MAKAYLA’S OFFICE - MONTAGE The staff packs up their desks. Makayla hovers over people, getting in the way, putting color-coded sticky notes on items (which her coworkers subsequently toss together in one box). After packing up their shared desk, Keiko waves at Makayla, who insists on a big hug. 6. INT. TRADER JOE’S - NIGHT Makayla stands in a long, long line. She looks at her cart disappointedly; it contains the dregs of the freezer department, some bruised vegetables, and canned bean dip labeled, “It’s NOT vegan, but you’d never know!” As she tries to wipe dirt off a carrot, her phone buzzes. She pulls it out and sees a notification from her Spin Studio: ALL CLASSES CANCELED DUE TO COVID-19. EXT. TRADER JOE’S PARKING LOT - NIGHT Makayla carries her groceries to her car, passing an older couple loading up. When they’re not looking, she takes a bottle of wine out of their cart. INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Makayla sits in front of the TV with a bowl of soup and puts on Frasier again. She visibly relaxes, to the extent that she accidentally spills the soup on herself. MAKAYLA Ow! Fuck! INT. MAKAYLA'S APARTMENT/BATHROOM - THE NEXT DAY Makayla listens to her daily shower podcast. PODCAST HOST ... sad that South By was canceled, but we’re pivoting to an online videoconference ideation sesh. INT. MAKAYLA'S APARTMENT/KITCHEN - DAY Makayla struggles with a malfunctioning Keurig. PODCAST HOST ... importance of sharing content in these uncertain times. Content has always been around. Some say books were the original content. INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT/LIVING ROOM - DAY Makayla sits on her couch with a mug of coffee. She takes a sip, grimaces. 7. FEMALE PODCAST HOST March 26th, 2020. With nearly every state locked down, some peeps are going viral by howling at the moon at 8:00 every night. Yass, kings, queens, and in-betweens! Makayla opens her computer and looks up a video of the howl. She clicks “Share Now” and types the caption “I love humans!” She’s about to hit “Post” when she’s startled by a knock on the sliding glass door that leads to what could laughably be called her “patio” - really just a small ledge with a railing that allows the developer to charge an extra $500 a month. EXT. BALCONIES - DAY Makayla slides open the door and gets blasted by cold air as she leans over the railing. She sees the knocking was caused by a fishing pole wielded by her neighbor ABBEY (45), leaning out her own window. Abbey is an aging Gen-X’er wearing pajama pants, an old Breeders concert tee, and big headphones around her neck. They shout at each other across their balconies. ABBEY Can you stop blasting talk radio through the wall? MAKAYLA They’re podcasts. ABBEY It’s every morning with this. I gave it a pass because you used to leave the house. But now, bummer! You’re here all the time. MAKAYLA I don’t think we’ve officially met- ABBEY Music is one thing, but Christ, how do you listen to that shit all day? MAKAYLA What are we doing out here? I’ll just come to your door and- ABBEY Ah ah! Social distancing! She gestures with the fishing pole.