"Pilot"

Written by Nicole Conlan

Based on current events and an un-current sitcom. INT. APARTMENT - DAY A smartly-appointed young professional’s apartment with all the Pinterest staples: tiny succulents, a basket-light suspended over a West Elm Peggy couch, word art that says, “Work hard and be nice to people.” It’s very comfortable; the only thing it lacks is any sign of a unique personality. The shower runs in the background while a podcast plays: MALE PODCAST HOST ... seven steps to aligning your personal brand with your company’s brand during these uncertain times. MAKAYLA MAGNUSSEN steps out of the shower. Early 30s and attractive mainly because she maintains such precise control over her laid-back appearance. She begins applying the many, many steps of her skin and makeup routine (jump cuts). MALE PODCAST HOST (CONT'D) Step one. Start a daily gratitude practice, listing all the ways you’re glad for your brand. After 20+ beauty products, Makayla has achieved the effect of looking like she’s wearing nothing at all.

INT. MAKAYLA’S CAR - DAY Makayla listens to another podcast. FEMALE PODCAST HOST This is The Glance, a news blast for boss bitches. March 23rd, 2020. The big story is still Coronavirus, and I don’t mean that hangover after Taco Tuesday. Makayla laughs a little too hard, showing off for... no one?

EXT. STARBUCKS DRIVE-THRU - DAY Makayla pulls into Starbucks, blasting Lizzo.

INT. STARBUCKS - DAY Makayla waits for her coffee. She tries getting the attention of the very busy BARISTA. 2.

MAKAYLA Hey! ... HEY! Excuse me! Startled, the barista drops the milk he was steaming. BARISTA Ah, dammit. Yes? MAKAYLA I just wanted to say, your shoes are so cool! BARISTA .... Okay. Americano for Makayla? He holds out a drink, which Makayla takes. MAKAYLA Oh my God, you spelled it right! You must really care. BARISTA (not looking at her) Venti green tea for Hassan!

INT. OFFICE - DAY An open-plan office. Makayla stands at the sink and transfers her coffee to a reusable travel mug that says “The Future Is Female.” She throws the Starbucks cup in the trash and joins the staff gathered for a meeting. She playfully bumps into KEIKO (30s), a small woman whose entire wardrobe is from REI. MAKAYLA Hey work wiiiiife! Let’s talk after the meeting. I have an update on Hot Barista. This is as much a performance for other people as for Keiko. KEIKO I have kind of a busy day- MAKAYLA Trust me, this morning was huge. Makayla’s BOSS walks up to the group. BOSS Okay! Hello! First, I promise we’re taking your health seriously. We doubled our cleaning staff to sanitize all surfaces. (MORE) 3. BOSS (CONT'D) If you feel sick, please stay home. Okay? So, today’s blue sky items- MAKAYLA Ahem. BOSS Right. We have some announcements, so I’ll hand it over to our Head of People and Culture, Makayla. MAKAYLA Hey guuuyyss. This whole flu thing is pretty scary, and I want to make sure we take care of our mental wellness. So I’m instituting a mandatory gratitude practice for all staff. I’ll be coming around to check on that throughout the day. The staff all look at each other. BOSS Okay, great. So, moving on...

INT. SPIN CLASS STUDIO - THAT NIGHT Makayla sweats it out in a class a-la SoulCycle, and she’s into it. Class members are separated with an empty bike between each rider. An INSTRUCTOR leads the class. INSTRUCTOR Fifteen seconds, come on! MAKAYLA Woo! We got this! The instructor looks at Makayla, then steps off her bike to pass out wipes. The stereo plays Cardi B’s “I Like It.” MAKAYLA (CONT'D) Oh, yes. INSTRUCTOR I have wipes, take as many as you need. Kick up that incline, ladies! MAKAYLA I like text-es from my exes/ When they want a second chance/ I like proving ni- The instructor cuts her off before she says the N-word. 4.

INSTRUCTOR NEXT SONG.

INT. MAKAYLA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Makayla sits in front of her TV with a Sweetgreen salad. Her Hulu “My Stuff” page lists one show: Frasier. It prompts her, “RESUME WATCHING: Season 4, Episode 6. She hits play. TV - NILES (O.S.) Don't be greedy! Your turn was over forty seconds ago! TV- FRASIER (O.S.) All right, Niles. Penthouse unit, fourth from the left. Makayla giggles. This might be the first time we’ve actually seen her have an honest reaction to something, without any posturing. It’s a rare moment of enjoyment that isn’t for the benefit of whoever is watching.

INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT - THE NEXT MORNING Makayla listens to another podcast in the shower. PODCAST HOST ... these uncertain times, working from home gives us the opportunity to hustle even harder.

INT. MAKAYLA'S CAR - DAY Makayla listens to her news podcast as she drives. FEMALE PODCAST HOST ...blast for boss bitches. March 24, 2020. It’s day 5 of the New York lockdown, and as other states follow, don’t make the same mistake we did: stock up on wine, fast!

EXT. STARBUCKS - DAY Makayla is surprised to see a line of people standing at taped-off positions, 6-feet apart. She shivers - she’s not dressed to be outside in Minnesota in March. 5.

When she gets to the front of the line, the same barista from yesterday is wearing a mask. MAKAYLA Grande Americano, please! Good to see you again. Or “see” you, behind the mask. Cool mask, bee-tee-dubs. BARISTA Wait over there, please. He points to another taped-off spot 6 feet away. Makayla walks over, then after a moment shouts at him. MAKAYLA This must be so stressful for you. It’s crazy they’re making you work! The barista loudly steams some milk.

INT. MAKAYLA'S OFFICE Makayla transfers her coffee into the reusable mug, throws out her Starbucks cup, then joins the staff meeting. She playfully bumps into Keiko again. MAKAYLA Hey work wiiiife! BOSS Makayla, please. Everyone, we’ve decided to move the whole company to a Work-From-Home basis. The staff murmurs. Makayla is surprised, but quickly makes herself involved. MAKAYLA I’ll coordinate the transition. And I think, in light of recent events, what we really need is a gratitude circle. Everybody join hands. She extends her hands and the staff recoils.

INT. MAKAYLA’S OFFICE - MONTAGE The staff packs up their desks. Makayla hovers over people, getting in the way, putting color-coded sticky notes on items (which her coworkers subsequently toss together in one box). After packing up their shared desk, Keiko waves at Makayla, who insists on a big hug. 6.

INT. TRADER JOE’S - NIGHT Makayla stands in a long, long line. She looks at her cart disappointedly; it contains the dregs of the freezer department, some bruised vegetables, and canned bean dip labeled, “It’s NOT vegan, but you’d never know!” As she tries to wipe dirt off a carrot, her phone buzzes. She pulls it out and sees a notification from her Spin Studio: ALL CLASSES CANCELED DUE TO COVID-19.

EXT. TRADER JOE’S PARKING LOT - NIGHT Makayla carries her groceries to her car, passing an older couple loading up. When they’re not looking, she takes a bottle of wine out of their cart.

INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Makayla sits in front of the TV with a bowl of soup and puts on Frasier again. She visibly relaxes, to the extent that she accidentally spills the soup on herself. MAKAYLA Ow! Fuck!

INT. MAKAYLA'S APARTMENT/BATHROOM - THE NEXT DAY Makayla listens to her daily shower podcast. PODCAST HOST ... sad that South By was canceled, but we’re pivoting to an online videoconference ideation sesh.

INT. MAKAYLA'S APARTMENT/KITCHEN - DAY Makayla struggles with a malfunctioning Keurig. PODCAST HOST ... importance of sharing content in these uncertain times. Content has always been around. Some say books were the original content.

INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT/LIVING ROOM - DAY Makayla sits on her couch with a mug of coffee. She takes a sip, grimaces. 7.

FEMALE PODCAST HOST March 26th, 2020. With nearly every state locked down, some peeps are going viral by howling at the moon at 8:00 every night. Yass, kings, queens, and in-betweens! Makayla opens her computer and looks up a video of the howl. She clicks “Share Now” and types the caption “I love humans!” She’s about to hit “Post” when she’s startled by a knock on the sliding glass door that leads to what could laughably be called her “patio” - really just a small ledge with a railing that allows the developer to charge an extra $500 a month.

EXT. BALCONIES - DAY Makayla slides open the door and gets blasted by cold air as she leans over the railing. She sees the knocking was caused by a fishing pole wielded by her neighbor ABBEY (45), leaning out her own window. Abbey is an aging Gen-X’er wearing pajama pants, an old Breeders concert tee, and big headphones around her neck. They shout at each other across their balconies. ABBEY Can you stop blasting talk radio through the wall? MAKAYLA They’re podcasts. ABBEY It’s every morning with this. I gave it a pass because you used to leave the house. But now, bummer! You’re here all the time. MAKAYLA I don’t think we’ve officially met- ABBEY Music is one thing, but Christ, how do you listen to that shit all day? MAKAYLA What are we doing out here? I’ll just come to your door and- ABBEY Ah ah! Social distancing! She gestures with the fishing pole. 8.

ABBEY (CONT'D) Keep your germs and your stupid business playlists away from me, and we don’t need to speak again. MAKAYLA Okay, but actually I think we should get to know each other since- Abbey closes the door. Makayla shrugs, then goes back inside.

INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Makayla returns to the couch and opens her work Zoom. A beat. COWORKER Tim, I think you’re muted. BOSS (TIM) Oh, thanks. So, today we’re just- Dogs barking loudly through the speakers. BOSS (CONT'D) Hey, whoever’s dogs are barking, can you mute yourself? A baby cries. COWORKER What? BOSS Anyone in a noisy space, please mute yourself. The noises stop. BOSS (CONT'D) That seems bet- MAKAYLA Guys, if we all mute ourselves, things will go a lot faster. BOSS Thank you. So today, let’s figure out workflow. I’m letting teams set your own KPIs, just have team leaders report by EOD. Okay? MAKAYLA And real quick, I just want to say- 9.

Nearly everyone logs out of the Zoom chat. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) Oh wow, we need to talk about Zoom etiquette. BOSS Makayla, actually I’m glad I have you here for a quick private chat. MAKAYLA Cool! Let’s have an ideation sesh! BOSS No, not that. There’s no easy way to say this. We have to let you go. MAKAYLA What? BOSS The lockdown is going to make it hard for all businesses. We need to make cuts. And frankly, since we’re out of the office, we just don’t need an office manager. MAKAYLA I’m not the office manager. I’m the Head of People and Culture. BOSS We give everyone fun titles so we don’t have to pay you more. Keiko does payroll, but her title says Wage Distribution Rock Star. MAKAYLA I don’t think you know just how much I mean to people here. The boss holds back a smile. BOSS I do. But, there’s some good news! Since we’re firing you instead of reducing your hours, you can file for unemployment! MAKAYLA I... Can I at least count on you for a recommendation letter? 10.

BOSS Oh! Uh! I mean definitely reach out, you know, when you get there. Things are going to be pretty crazy with the transition to remote. But yeah. Reach out! MAKAYLA Can we at least hold a virtual going-away party? I could organize- BOSS I don’t think we have the bandwidth for that right now, but look out for an email from HR. MAKAYLA Okay, wait, but I- The Zoom window closes, replaced by a popup that says, “The host has ended the meeting.” Makayla stares at the screen for a moment. In a daze, she stands up, then sits back down. Gets up again, takes a few steps towards the door, and then realizes she can’t go anywhere. She starts hyperventilating a little. She slides open the patio door and takes some deep breaths of fresh air. When she comes back to Earth, she shakily picks up her phone and scrolls through her contacts until she lands on “WORK WIFE! (Keiko)”. She Facetimes her. Keiko picks up MAKAYLA (CONT'D) (sadly) Hey work wiiiife. KEIKO Hey, can we talk later? I’m bus- MAKAYLA Keiko... I just got fired. KEIKO Whoa... Really? MAKAYLA Firing people was my job. I didn’t even get to do my job to myself. KEIKO Makayla, I’m really sorry. 11.

MAKAYLA Like, maybe I should call Tim back, and fight for my job, and get him to re-hire- KEIKO (quickly) I think you should move on. MAKAYLA Hm? KEIKO This is a good time to start fresh. Somewhere else. Maybe another city. Makayla thinks. MAKAYLA You’re so right. I’m tired of playing second fiddle and backseat driving my own life. KEIKO What? MAKAYLA It’s time to go from Makayla the person to Makayla the brand. I’m launching my own business coaching and personal development consulting firm. That’s what the world needs right now. (too sincere) Girl, thank you. You’re more than just my work wife. You’re a soul sister. KEIKO Bye, Makayla. MAKAYLA Okay bye Kei- Keiko hangs up. Feeling a little better, Makayla wipes her tears away and returns to her computer. She types a little, but gets stuck. Looks out the window, refocuses, types, gets stuck again. She stands up and walks to the kitchen, where she aimlessly looks inside cabinets. After a moment she realizes what she’s doing and shakes her head. 12.

MAKAYLA (CONT'D) Come on, focus. She sits back down, wrings her hands while reading her words. She picks up her phone and tries to Facetime Keiko again. No answer. She immediately tries again. Same result. Without thinking, she opens Instagram. After scrolling through 7 or 8 identical blonde influencers, she stops on a video by “Gnar_Grant420”, featuring a smiling doofus standing on the edge of his deck. This is GRANT (35), a good-looking, jacked dude with nothing happening behind his eyes. INSERT - PHONE GRANT’S FRIEND (O.S.) Send it!! Grant backflips off the deck. Makayla opens up her contacts again and scrolls to one marked “Grant DO NOT ANSWER.” Her thumb hovers over his name, but she thinks better of it. She puts her phone away. She turns on the TV and hits play on Frasier. The cold open plays in the background while Makayla retrieves Skinny Pop, bean dip, and the stolen wine from her kitchen. TV Hey baby I hear the blues a-callin’ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs Makayla hums along with the theme song. She struggles to uncork the wine, until it POPS. TV (CONT'D) And maybe I seem a bit confused, Yeah maybe, but I got you pegged She drinks straight from the bottle, then pours some Skinny Pop into the bean dip and eats it like cereal. TV (CONT'D) But I don’t know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs / They’re callin’ again. FADE OUT. 13.

INT. MAKAYLA'S APARTMENT - MUCH LATER Makayla is passed out on the couch with her back to the TV. It’s dark out now; who knows how many hours she’s been lying there. Frasier’s studio audience laughs in the background. TV - FRASIER (O.S.) ... of course, she’s suffering from delusions. But who’s to say some delusions aren’t beneficial? TV - NILES (O.S.) You’re certainly benefiting from the delusion that that tie goes with those socks. TV - FRASIER (O.S.) Testy today, are we? Seems like you need to talk to someone. Beat. TV - FRASIER (O.S) (CONT'D) (LOUDER) I said, seems like you need to talk to someone. Makayla stirs a little. TV - FRASIER (CONT'D) You there. You! Marsha! Micky? Makayla starts and falls off the couch. The studio audience laughs. She gets her bearings and looks at the TV. Staring back at her from the screen is FRASIER CRANE himself. FRASIER WAVES AT MAKAYLA. Her eyes go wide. FRASIER Yes! You! With the chocolate on your face! Makayla wipes a smudge off her face. MAKAYLA (wigged out) It’s bean dip. 14.

FRASIER Oh god, it’s worse than I thought. The studio audience laughs. Makayla cautiously crawls forward and taps on her TV screen. FRASIER (CONT'D) Oh, for god’s sake, I’m not a fish in an aquarium. Ooh! Caviar! The studio audience laughs as FRASIER SAVORS SOME CAVIAR. Makayla screams and staggers back to her couch. MAKAYLA Wh... What’s happening? FRASIER I’d say you’re suffering from narcissistic delusions resulting from a breakdown of the ego. She desperately scans the label of the bottle of wine. FRASIER (CONT'D) What kind of wine is that? MAKAYLA Just... Trader Joe’s brand. I’m trying to see if it went bad. FRASIER MAKES A FACE. FRASIER It started out bad. No, I’m afraid I’m not here because of a sour bottle of Two Buck Chuck. If I had to guess, I’m here because... how to put this delicately... your life is completely falling apart. MAKAYLA How dare you talk to me like that?! 15.

FRASIER You’re talking to you like that. I’m in your head. Typically when someone conjures up a vision like this, it’s because they need a coping mechanism to deal with some kind of traumatic situation. Makayla thinks, then sits cross-legged in front of the TV. MAKAYLA I mean... I did just lost my job. FRASIER There you go. MAKAYLA Plus there’s the global pandemic. FRASIER Ah, yes that does complicate- Global pandemic?! MAKAYLA Yeah, we’re all locked in our homes because there’s a really contagious virus out there. If you’re in my head, shouldn’t you know this? FRASIER LEANS AWAY FROM THE TV. FRASIER (WORRIED) Yes, yes. Of course. Would you mind... backing away from the TV a little bit? FRASIER GRABS A BOTTLE OF CLEANING SOLUTION FROM OFF CAMERA AND CLEANS THE TV SCREEN. MAKAYLA What am I doing?? This is insane. I’m delirious and tired. I’m going go sleep this off. 16.

FRASIER Okay! Well, when you’re ready to talk, remember, I’m listening. HE SMILES AT HER. Makayla stares at him, wide-eyed. FRASIER (CONT'D) You know? Like I say on my radio show! “I’m listening!” MAKAYLA This is not happening!! FRASIER I think it very much IS hap- Makayla interrupts him by turning off the TV. She shakes her head, freaked out, then goes to bed.

INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT - THE NEXT DAY Makayla stumbles out of her bedroom. On her way to the kitchen, she looks at the TV, but thinks better of it. She opens her coffee canister... but there’s nothing in there. MAKAYLA Fuck. She grabs her keys and mask and is about to exit, but pauses. Tentatively, she walks to the TV and turns it on. She selects an episode of Frasier at random. It plays for a moment. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) ... Hello? No one reacts. Makayla knocks on the screen. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) (louder) Hello? ... Can you hear me? Just to be sure, she shouts. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) Can you hear me?! ABBEY (through the wall) Yes! Shut up! Makayla jumps, then settles when she realizes who it is. 17.

MAKAYLA Sorry! She turns off the TV and walks out the door.

INT. TRADER JOE’S - DAY Makayla walks down the coffee aisle. As she passes a woman in a mask, she steps in her path a little. MAKAYLA Hi! Oh, I’m smiling at you, but you can’t see it behind the mask. She avoids Makayla and continues walking away. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) Okay, fine. Sorry I’m trying to spread positive energy. She bends down and studies the coffee. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots some familiar shoes - the barista. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) Oh my god! Hi! So good to see you! Makayla walks after the barista, who backs away. BARISTA I... don’t think I know you. He keeps backing up. Makayla follows him. MAKAYLA Oh! You don’t recognize me! Makayla takes her mask off. BARISTA NO! A security guard sees what’s happening. SECURITY GUARD Ma’am! Secure your mask, and stay 6 feet away from other customers. MAKAYLA Oh, no, we know each other! BARISTA No, we don’t. 18.

MAKAYLA No, come on! Why don’t we go for a social distancing walk and catch up, that’ll jog your memory! Makayla turns to the barista, who is now backed up against a freezer. Makayla keeps walking towards him. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) This is going to be such a funny meet-cute. I’m Makayla. She holds out her hand to shake. The barista cowers away. SECURITY GUARD Okay, that’s it. Security grabs Makayla and leads her out of the store. MAKAYLA Wait, hold- Don’t touch me! Why do you have hospital gloves? Don’t you know nurses need those?!

INT. MAKAYLA'S CAR - DAY Makayla sits in her car, humiliated. She puts her head in her hands, then realizes she’s touching her face with her gloves. MAKAYLA FUCK. She pulls the gloves off and throws them in the backseat, then sits for another moment. She pulls out her phone and tries to Facetime Keiko. No answer. Holding back tears, Makayla opens the Hulu app. She pulls up Frasier, and there he is, right on her phone screen. FRASIER Hello again! Did you manage to sleep me off? MAKAYLA You know the answer to that. FRASIER You know, I think I figured out why I’m here. Would you say you have a hard time being alone, Makayla? 19.

MAKAYLA I mean, I’m very independent. ... But I am a people person. FRASIER That’s straightforward enough. We just need to find some ways for you to feel a sense of togetherness. Let’s think about what coping skills you already have. This isn’t the first time you’ve been alone in your home. How did you handle it when you were there under normal circumstances? MAKAYLA I listen to a lot of podcasts. FRASIER Podcasts? MAKAYLA Oh, right, you’re like, old. FRASIER IS OFFENDED. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) A podcast is an audio recording of a conversation. FRASIER Oh, a radio show. Like what I do. MAKAYLA Kind of. Except it’s not like, on a radio station. People make them on their own. FRASIER When you put it that way, it sounds like any idiot could have a podcast. FRASIER LAUGHS. Makayla doesn’t. 20.

FRASIER (CONT'D) Oh, god. The medium of radio has gone the way modern art. Complete rubes think “Hey, my kid could do that.” Well. At least listeners no longer have to put up with ads. Makayla is silent again. FRASIER (CONT'D) Are you serious?! Why even listen? MAKAYLA I guess... they make me feel like someone else is there. FRASIER I see. Well, you must have a trusted friend that you can go to. MAKAYLA She’s not answering my calls right now, but, Keiko. My work wife. FRASIER We can explore the Freudian implications of that term later. But maybe she doesn’t realize how important this is. We can become so accustomed to seeing our loved ones that we overlook their pain. Like the time Lilith was awarded sole custody and Niles signed us up for a Bunraku puppetry workshop. Makayla thinks for a moment. MAKAYLA You’re saying I need to go show her how much I need her? 21.

FRASIER If she’s actually your friend, she’ll be happy to see you. MAKAYLA You’re right. I can’t think why she wouldn’t want to see me. Let’s go! Makayla starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot.

EXT. KEIKO’S HOUSE - DAY Makayla pulls up in front of a modest duplex, bumping into the car in front of her. She gets out of her car, runs up to the house, and rings the bell. Keiko tentatively opens the wooden door, leaving the glass storm door closed. When she sees Makayla she’s stunned. MAKAYLA Hey work wiiiiife! Keiko is muffled behind the glass door. KEIKO Makayla? What are you doing here? MAKAYLA I miss you, girl, can I come in? Makayla reaches for the handle on the storm door, but Keiko hurries to lock it before she can open it. KEIKO (incredulous) No! It’s a pandemic! How do you even know where I live? MAKAYLA Oh, I still have everyone’s emergency contact paperwork. KEIKO ... You need to leave.

INT. MAKAYLA’S CAR - SIMULTANEOUS Still mounted on the dashboard, FRASIER RECLINES ON THE COUCH LISTENING TO AN OPERA. SUDDENLY, HIS MOZART IS REPLACED WITH MAKAYLA’S LOUD RINGTONE. FRASIER JUMPS UP. 22.

FRASIER Oh, good Lord! HE WALKS FORWARD, TOWARDS THE PHONE SCREEN, AND SEES AN INCOMING CALL, FROM “MOM.” FRASIER (CONT'D) Gah, how do I turn this off... HE TRIES TO INTERACT WITH THE ICONS ON MAKAYLA’S PHONE, BUT INSTEAD OF HITTING DECLINE, HE ACCIDENTALLY ANSWERS IT. FRASIER (CONT'D) Damn. Damn!

INT. SUBURBAN HOME - INTERCUT Makayla’s mother SUZANNE (60) stands in her homey kitchen, filled with a lot of decorative cows. SUZANNE ... Hello? Sweetheart? Frasier thinks. Then, in a high falsetto: FRASIER (AS MAKAYLA) Yes. Hello. This is Makayla.

EXT. KEIKO'S HOUSE - SIMULTANEOUS Makayla and Keiko on opposite sides of the storm door. MAKAYLA I haven’t seen you in forever, I miss you! Plus I have to tell you more about hot barista, I- KEIKO SHUT. UP. I don’t care! KEIKO’S WIFE (O.S) Everything okay, hun? KEIKO Yes, everything’s fine. MAKAYLA There’s someone else in there, but you won’t let me in? Come on. 23.

Makayla jiggles the door handle. KEIKO She lives here! She’s my wife. MAKAYLA You’ve been seeing other wives?! KEIKO Oh my god, she’s my WIFE wife. MAKAYLA ... OH! I didn’t realize... I don’t see... gay... ness. I’m very woke. KEIKO Jesus Christ. MAKAYLA This is why we should catch up! I can’t talk to you since I got fired because of this dumb pandemic. KEIKO HA. It wasn’t COVID. You got fired because no one likes you. MAKAYLA ... What?

INT. MAKAYLA’S CAR - SIMULTANEOUS FRASIER PRETENDS TO BE MAKAYLA. SUZANNE Are you okay? You sound sick. FRASIER Yes, I’m fine, just... allergies. SUZANNE How are you doing? I heard you’re all locked up over there. FRASIER Yes, I’m... in my apartment. SUZANNE Well, don’t blame us! If you stayed in Sioux Falls like your father and I wanted, you could come with us to the Grittners’ block party tonight. (MORE) 24. SUZANNE (CONT'D) It’s 60 degrees here, they might get out the Slip n Slide! FRASIER Aren’t you worried about- SUZANNE Of course, you wanted to go somewhere “cooler.” I hope hanging around all those hipsters was worth wearing that mask. You know how sensitive your skin is. I’m sure you’re going to get another rash.

EXT. KEIKO'S HOUSE - SIMULTANEOUS Makayla is dumbstruck as Keiko lets her have it. KEIKO No one at Host Hub could stand you. Someone started a subreddit just to post memes about you. Makayla looks at her shoes. KEIKO (CONT'D) You are selfish. You are overbearing. You have substituted a personality with platitudes from self-help books. KEIKO’S WIFE (O.S.) Hey, that’s really good, hun. You should write that down. KEIKO (angry) Thank you. ... I always felt like I had to be nice to you because you were kind of my boss. But maybe the nice thing would have been to tell you this a long time ago. MAKAYLA Okay. I guess I should leave. But I just want to say... Keiko’s expression softens a little. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) I’m going to send you my résumé, and if you could forward it out to your professional network-- 25.

Keiko shuts the door in her face.

INT. MAKAYLA’S CAR - SIMULTANEOUS FRASIER IS BARELY HOLDING THE CONVERSATION TOGETHER. SUZANNE I think you should ignore what the governor says and go see your friends. It’s not good being cooped up all day, no one to talk to. FRASIER (AS MAKAYLA) Actually, I am talking to someone, a rather gifted psychotherapist. Handsome, too. SUZANNE Hm. Well, you know I think all that psycho stuff is a load of hogwash. FRASIER FROWNS and the studio audience loses it. Makayla sadly gets back in the car. SUZANNE (CONT'D) But I guess I’m glad you still have a job with health insurance. FRASIER LOOKS AT MAKAYLA. She ignores him. SUZANNE (CONT'D) Kendall, you know, the Lee’s daughter? She just lost hers. They tried to hide it from me because they were embarrassed, but I saw on Facebook. I think that’s why these states are shutting down. They want people to lose their jobs. That’s socialism for you. MAKAYLA Hey, I gotta go, mom. SUZANNE Okay, well, your father and I love you, and if you get sick of that shoebox apartment of yours, you can always come home. You’re still one of us, after all. 26.

MAKAYLA Love you too, mom. Bye. Makayla hangs up and turns off her phone before Frasier can say anything to her. She starts the car and backs out of the driveway.

EXT. BALCONIES - DAY Makayla stands at her balcony holding a few pairs of sneakers. She removes the laces and ties them into a long rope with one shoe at the end. She swings it over to knock on Abbey’s sliding glass doors. She makes contact, but no response. She tries again and hits the door, but accidentally drops the shoe. MAKAYLA Shit. SHIT. Abbey comes out. ABBEY What?! MAKAYLA Oh! Hey girl! I was thinking, since there’s this disease going around, we should introduce ourselves in case of like, an emergency or something. I’m Makayla. ABBEY Fine. I’m Abbey. Makayla pulls out her phone. MAKAYLA I’ll AirDrop you my contact info. ABBY I gotta turn that off. MAKAYLA What do you do for work? ABBEY I’m an audio engineer. MAKAYLA Cool! I don’t know what that is, but I support women in STEM. (MORE) 27. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) I’m launching my own side hustle and becoming a personal branding consultant. ABBEY Oh... my God. MAKAYLA It’s crazy that we’re all working from home now. I miss my work friends, don’t you? ABBEY Coworkers are not your friends, they’re people you get paid to endure. I’ve always worked from home, specifically to avoid them. MAKAYLA I guess you’re kind of my coworker now. Ooh! You could be my new work wife! My work-from-home wife! ABBEY Never call me that again. MAKAYLA Do you want- ABBEY Look, you have my phone number in case there’s a gas leak and you need to see if I’m alive. Short of that, do not bother me again. She goes back inside, leaving Makayla alone on the porch.

INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON Makayla sits back on her couch among a lot of empty Taco Bell wrappers. She turns on the TV. FRASIER IS WAITING FOR HER. FRASIER Until you find someone real to talk to, I’m going to keep coming back. Makayla thinks for a moment. Then throws her head back. MAKAYLA Ugh, FINE. I’ll text my ex- boyfriend. Are you happy?! 28.

FRASIER If you think he’ll respond, and you have no one else... Maybe that’s not the worst idea. MAKAYLA Oh, really? She opens her laptop and types. She turns the computer around to play Grant’s homemade commercial CUT TO:

GRANT’S COMMERCIAL Grant stands on a lacrosse field, holding a stick with a ball in it. A friend stands way downfield behind him. GRANT If you’re like me, you care about one thing: Sending it. Grant turns around and launches the ball at his friend. A few iPhone-quality clips of Grant doing extreme sports. First, skiing over a cliff. CAPTION: Chamonix, France FRIEND (O.S.) Send it! Kayaking in white water. CAPTION: Futaleufú River, Chile FRIEND (O.S.) (CONT'D) Send it! Playing cornhole at a brewery. CAPTION: Melbourne, Australia FRIEND (O.S.) (CONT'D) Send it! In his garage, Grant shoves a surfboard into a suitcase. GRANT Sending it has taken me all over the world. But getting my stuff there is harder than backdooring a barrel at Teahupo’o. He pronounces this last word with a heavy Tahitian accent, to let you know he’s basically a local there. 29.

On a golf course, Grant lines up a tee shot. GRANT (CONT'D) That’s why I created SendIt, a company that sends your gear wherever you need to send it. Just give your gear to us... FRIEND (O.S.) Send it! Grant tees off. Grant on a mountain bike. GRANT ... and we’ll meet you at your destination. You’ll be mountain biking Mount Kinabalu in no time. FRIEND (O.S.) Send it! Grant rides off a jump. In a suburban park, Grant catches a frisbee from his friend. GRANT Send it with SendIt, so you can send it. He holds the frisbee up, revealing the SendIt logo. FRIEND Send it! Grant throws the frisbee. His friend runs into traffic to catch it, and the video cuts out before he gets hit by a car. CUT BACK:

INT. MAKAYLA'S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON FRASIER IS AGHAST. Makayla puts her laptop aside. FRASIER That man is a sentient water ski. MAKAYLA I shouldn’t text him. 30.

FRASIER Well, on the one hand, you open yourself back up to a man who, I imagine, has never read a book. Or been in the same room as a book. On the other hand, you’re losing grip on reality. It could be grounding to reach out to this moron. MAKAYLA He does own a business. FRASIER Let’s not stretch the definition of “business.” But, you’re locked down, you can’t go over there. And hey, maybe he’s lonely, too. MAKAYLA Hm. So you’re saying it’s a good idea to call my ex? FRASIER Yes! Well, I think so. Since I’m a manifestation of your psyche, you could just be using me to validate a decision you’ve already made. MAKAYLA Hm. I’m going to text him anyway. FRASIER I think that’s for the best. FRASIER PICKS UP A GLASS OF WINE, but Makayla pauses him. ALTHOUGH HE’S FROZEN IN SPACE, HIS EYES STRAIN FOR THE GLASS. Makayla smooths her hair, then calls up Grant on Facetime. When he answers, he’s riding an exercise bike. GRANT Yo, Makay-kay! How are you? 31.

MAKAYLA I’m good, how are you? GRANT Killer! Matty and I are doing an indoor triathlon! MAKAYLA Oh, is now a bad time? GRANT No! No no, not at all, I’m really pumped you called. He clearly wants to talk to her. It’s actually kinda sweet. MAKAYLA I’m just checking in, seeing how you’re holding up. GRANT I’m okay. Matty’s here, and we’ve been chilling, hard. MAKAYLA I bet having someone around helps. GRANT You alone over there? Makayla’s eyes flit over to FRASIER, STILL FROZEN, STILL STRUGGLING TO GET TO HIS WINE. MAKAYLA Yeah. Looking for a way to change the subject, Makayla spots her computer, still open to Grant’s video. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) Oh, I saw your commercial. It’s cool! How’s SendIt? GRANT Business is down since no one’s traveling. The ad’s getting a ton of unique impressions, though. MAKAYLA That’s good. GRANT The specs on the new GoPro are so gnarly, it’s got... 32.

MAKAYLA Mm hmm. As Grant drones on, Makayla closes the window with his video, then notices the one behind it. It contains the unshared video of people howling. She thinks for a second. GRANT ... but if we can’t ship, we can always pivot to video. Right? MAKAYLA Yeah, sure. Hey, have you seen these videos of people howling? GRANT Oh, yeah! Those are tight. And the organic reach on them is bonkers. MAKAYLA That’d be cool to do here, right? It would bring people together? GRANT For sure! Grant’s friend (MATTY) yells to him off camera. MATTY (O.S.) Grant, you ready to swim? GRANT Hey, Mack, I gotta go, Matty’s done filling up the bathtub. MAKAYLA Okay. I’m gonna get a howl going! GRANT Awesome! Maybe I’ll be able to hear you all the way in St. Paul! MAKAYLA Well, you’re 15 miles away, so probably not. But thanks anyway. GRANT You never know. I gotta go, I’m trying for a new PR on the swim. But I’m really stoked you called! I’d love to talk again soon. MAKAYLA Yeah! Maybe! 33.

GRANT Shibby. Okay! Bye He hangs up. Makayla puts her phone aside and starts typing on her laptop. MAKAYLA (V.O.) Minneapolis peeps! Let’s get our own howl going tonight! Quick montage of Makayla sharing the video, making a Facebook event, posting on Instagram, sending a mass email. MAKAYLA (V.O.) Let’s celebrate our wolf pack tonight at 8:00 PM! You’ve got four hours to practice. Let’s howl! Makayla looks pretty satisfied with herself. FRASIER GGNNNNGH. NNNGGGHHHH. Makayla notices FRASIER, STILL FROZEN. She unpauses him. FRASIER (CONT'D) GUHH!!! NEVER. DO. THAT. AGAIN. MAKAYLA Sorry! But I just had a great idea that I think is really going to bring people together. FRASIER That’s wonderful! I guess, then... this might be goodbye. It’s been a pleasure, Makayla. They smile at each other. She’s about to turn the TV off when she has a thought. MAKAYLA So, what happens to you now? Do you like, die? FRASIER Actually, I’ve never thought about it before. Oh god. Oh GOD. MAKAYLA I’m sure you’ll be fine! 34.

FRASIER Wait! Are there any other things you need help with, any latent psychoses? Compulsive behaviors? MAKAYLA No, I really think I’m okay now. FRASIER Kleptomania? Maybe give that a try! MAKAYLA I’m gonna go. FRASIER What if I become your new digital assistant! Just say Okay, Frasie- She turns off the TV. After a moment, she turns it back on. This time, it’s just a regular episode of Frasier. FRASIER (CONT'D) Excuse me, Niles, but I’ve got news for you. Copernicus called, and you are not the center of the universe! She sighs with relief, then turns off the TV again.

INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Makayla paces her apartment. She keeps fussing with her phone, which she set up near the sliding glass doors to record the howl. She checks her watch, then opens the door. The watch counts down... 7:59:57, 58, 59... 8:00.

EXT. BALCONIES - CONTINUOUS Makayla steps as far outside as the meager patio will allow and throws her head up at the sky. MAKAYLA Ah-ROOOOOOOOOO!!! She doesn’t hear anything, so she tries again. MAKAYLA (CONT'D) Ah-ROOO! Woof woof ah-ROOOOOO!!! 35.

Still nothing. She strains her ears, but no response. She starts breathing hard as dialogue plays through her head. KEIKO (V.O.) You got fired because no one likes you. SUZANNE (V.O.) It’s not good being alone all day. FRASIER (V.O.) Figment of your imagination. GRANT’S FRIEND (V.O.) Send it! FRASIER (V.O.) -you have a hard time being alone, Makayla? Being alone? Alone. Alone. She keeps howling, but these ones are more guttural screams. MAKAYLA AAAUUUGGHHHOOOOOOO! GRAAARRROO! She’s cut off by Abbey sharply opening her glass doors. ABBEY SHUT. UP. SHUT UP! MAKAYLA Oh. Sorry. I’m just... having a hard time being alone. ABBEY It’s been, like, one day. MAKAYLA Yeah, but it was a really hard day. ABBEY Well. It’s only going to get worse. MAKAYLA Is that supposed to make me feel better? ABBEY I’m just being realisti- MAKAYLA I lost my job, my friends don’t want to talk to me, and also I guess I’m scared of dying. 36.

Abbey softens a little. ABBEY Okay. That’s a bad day. I’m sorry. MAKAYLA How do you do it? Be alone all day and not go crazy? ABBEY I guess I just... like myself. Makayla holds back tears. They stand together for a moment. ABBEY (CONT'D) I’m gonna head back inside. MAKAYLA Oh, wait, Abbey. ... If I like, need anything... Can I talk to you? ABBEY ... No. Makayla does that thing where you’re trying not to cry, but you’re still shaking and making a high-pitched noise. ABBEY (CONT'D) Okay! Just... only in emergencies. Makayla smiles and nods, still trying not to cry. Abbey shuts the door, and Makayla looks out into the silent evening.

INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Makayla lies on her couch in the fetal position. She fishes the remote out from the cushions and turns on the TV. FRASIER STARES BACK AT HER FRASIER So. I see I’m back. MAKAYLA Yeah. FRASIER The howl wasn’t a complete loss. Now you get to be a lone wolf. MAKAYLA That makes me sound like a school shooter. 37.

FRASIER Or a cowboy! MAKAYLA There’s just... I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I can’t go anywhere. I just have to sit here. Feeling like this. FRASIER Maybe learning to sit and feel like this is what you’re supposed to do. Makayla takes a deep breath. She sits up and closes her eyes, trying to simply BE, but soon she’s crying again. FRASIER (CONT'D) Easier said than done, I suppose. Makayla’s phone bings. She fishes it out of the cushions. MAKAYLA It’s Grant. FRASIER I can’t wait to find out what he’s backflipped off now. INSERT - MAKAYLA’S PHONE Makayla opens her Snapchat app and taps on an unread message from Gnar_Grant420. Grant stands on the deck at his house, dressed in a wetsuit. The caption reads, “651 where u AT?!” He howls. GRANT Ah-ROOOOOO!!! ROO ROO! Hell yeah! Matty! Matty, get in here! MATTY (O.S.) OoooOOOOOooOOOOOohhhhh! VOICE (O.S.) Hey, shut the fuck up! Makayla smiles, just a little. FRASIER Maybe he’s not all bad. Can I see that again? 38.

MAKAYLA It’s Snapchat. Messages disappear. FRASIER Why would you want your messages to disappear, unless... Oh... OHHH. Makayla’s phone bings again. MAKAYLA He sent me another one, if you want- FRASIER I don’t! MAKAYLA So... How long are you going to stick around? FRASIER I think that’s up to you, not me. MAKAYLA Yeah. ... I should go to bed. FRASIER Okay, and if you need to talk- MAKAYLA I know. You’re listening. FRASIER I was actually going to say don’t wake me up. I’m playing squash with Niles tomorrow morning. Makayla laughs. FRASIER (CONT'D) I’ll see you tomorrow.

INT. MAKAYLA’S APARTMENT/BATHROOM - NIGHT Makayla walks to the sink, looking at her phone. INSERT - PHONE: Makayla scrolls through podcasts. Her thumb hovers over one. She thinks better of it and opens Spotify. 39.

As the music plays, she begins her 20-step makeup removing and cleansing process, which leaves her looking as fresh- faced as if she were wearing makeup this whole time. She looks at herself in the mirror - really looks.

END OF EPISODE