THE SONGS OF MIDSUMMERFEST

“Never forget that music is much too important to be left entirely in the hands of professionals.” -- ROBERT FULGHUM, Maybe (Maybe Not)

2005

Edition 1.17 The Do-It-Yourself Instant Country Lyric Kit how to get your achy breaky heart to beat in 4/4 time by Larry Tritten

You left me... and I'm but it really don't matter and you'll... because... (pick one) (pick one) (pick one) •taking soap and water to the back • I got my bottle and I got my dog • know I'm not a pig when you're seat of my car, and we're all goin' out tonight, makin' bacon without me, • having a Wild Turkey sandwich, • life's a two-lane blacktop and I'm • find my love among the leftovers hold the bread a goosed-up pickup Ford, in the icebox of your heart, • gonna chase Chastity till she ain't • you've been recycled-- you're • go on saving whales and chaste no more such a slut -- you've got NO redwoods, too, while I try to save DEPOSIT stamped on your butt, me from the memory of you, • sending you a postcard from • you called me donkey face for the • realize you can't get me out of Death Valley: Wish you were last time and now I'm hauling ass, your head (and you can't get me here, out of your pants), • flying out to Debbie, the gal who • my love's biodegradable (it gets • find that hell is all your old just did Dallas and Fort Worth, more degrading every day), flames burning brightly in one place, • in a state of confusion in a town • while you were dancing with the • find my Dewar's profile down on named Splitsville (and I'm living wolves, I was playing with the the post-office wall, on Civil Court), beavers, • getting used to being abused by • I'm a two-timing guy who just • regret taking the Bronco and you, met some triplets, going to Rodeo Drive, feelin' like a sheep in wolf's clothing without ewe, (pick one) angel, honky-tonk woman, baby, because... because... (pick two, alternate freely) (pick one, growl) • I don't like it when my girlfriend has a boyfriend, • your in-laws are outlaws but your own kin don't sin, • my life's an empty book without your name on every • heartache isn't something that a doctor can cure, page, • there's life after the death of love, at least below the • the only way I'd miss you is with a .45, waist, • my heart is broken badly but my liver's holding the • the safest sex I ever knew is the sex we never had, line, • you got the Midas touch: You made a muffler out of • we ain't Roy and Dale and this ain't no Happy Trail, me, and/but I'll... and/but (pick one and weep) (pick one, return to top) • rise from my ashes like the fabled phoenix does. • my new girl's husband bought the farm and now she's buying rounds. • never be able to give my heart to science now that • I guess the baby-sitter's my baby now. it's broke. • sure enjoy that Moosehead (though the antlers poke • I'll bury you not on the lone prairie but near the new my thighs). mall in Kankakee. • this is the end I want -- it sure looks good in shorts. •I'll give free love a try because it sounds like a good buy. Table of Contents

ACCOUNTANCY SHANTY...... 1 A WHOLE NEW WORLD ...... 17 YOU’LL BE IN MY TENT...... 17 ADDAMS FAMILY THEME ...... 1 BE A MAN...... 17 THE AERISH BALLAD...... 1 GET ON STAGE ...... 17 THE AGE OF MIDSUMMERFEST...... 1 DANNY'S SONG ...... 18 AIN'T GONNA RAIN NO MORE ...... 2 DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY...... 18 ALISON • ...... 2 DON'T WORRY, GO CAMPING...... 18 ALL THINGS DULL AND UGLY ...... 3 DOWN BY THE STATION ...... 19 ALPHABET SONGS...... 3 END OF THE WORLD • ...... 19 THE ALPHABET SONG...... 3 ENGINEERS’ DRINKING SONG •...... 20 THE MUPPET ALPHABET SONG ...... 3 LUMBERMAN’S ALPHABET...... 3 ERIC THE HALF-A-BEE ...... 22 THE SAILOR'S ALPHABET I...... 4 EVERY SPERM IS SACRED...... 22 SAILOR'S ALPHABET II ...... 4 EXISTENTIAL BLUES...... 23 ALWAYS LOOK OF THE BRIGHT SIDE FAST FOOD...... 24 OF LIFE...... 4 FESTERELLA & FRIENDS: THE ARISE ALL YE OF MIT ...... 5 PRINCESS COLLECTION ...... 25 ARHUS SONG ...... 5 A SCREAM IS THE SOUND YOUR VOICE MAKES.....25 ARISE YE OF MIDSUMMERFEST ONCE AT A LATRINE ...... 25 (ORIGINAL) ...... 5 I WANT ADVENTURE ...... 25 COLORS OF THE MIND ...... 25 ARISE YE OF MIDSUMMERFEST ...... 5 PARTNER MY WORLD ...... 25 ARISE YE SONS OF MIT ...... 6 FIFTY WAYS TO HOSE YOUR CODE...... 25 AULD LANG SYNE •...... 6 FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER THE BALLAD OF BUBBA • ...... 6 •...... 26 THE BALLAD OF 5.60 ...... 7 FIRE AND RAIN • ...... 27 THE BALLAD OF IAN DOWELL • ...... 7 FOUND A PEANUT...... 27 THE BARBARA SONG ...... 8 FUSION GIRL • ...... 28 BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO ...... 8 FUZZY WUZZY ...... 28 BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO ...... 9 GALAXY SONG...... 28 THE BARBARA SONG ...... 9 GOOD MORNING MERRY SUNSHINE ...... 29 THE BILLBOARD SONG ...... 10 GREAT GREEN GOBS...... 29 BILLBOARDS...... 10 GREEN EGGS & HAM...... 29 BLACKBIRD • ...... 10 THE GRINCH...... 30 BLOWIN' IN THE WIND • ...... 11 HELLO DELI ...... 31 BOSOM BUDDIES...... 11 THE HERRING SONG...... 31 BROTHERS’ RAP...... 12 THE HONEYMOONING COUPLE...... 31 BROWN EYED GIRL •...... 12 THE HOUSE AT POOH CORNER...... 32 A BUSHEL AND A PECK...... 13 HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE CAMPING CASANOVA...... 13 WINDOW ...... 33 CAMPING • ...... 14 HUNDRED ACRES...... 33 CATCH A FALLING STAR...... 15 HUNDRED ACRES (PART 2)...... 33 CATCH A PICKLED HERRING...... 15 HUNK OF TIN...... 34 THE CLEAN SONG ...... 15 HUNTING SONG, THE • ...... 34 COW IMAGINATION ...... 16 HYPOTHERMIA! ...... 35 CRAWDAD SONG (VERSION 1)...... 16 HYPOTHERMIA ...... 36 CRAWDAD SONG (VERSION 2)...... 16 ICE CREAM...... 36 DANNY BOY...... 17 I DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO KILL MYSELF OR GO BOWLING...... 36 DISNEY DOES MIDSUMMERFEST ...... 17 I LOVE TRASH ...... 37 IF ALL OF THE RAINDROPS ...... 37 M.I.T...... 56 IF I HAD $1,000,000...... 38 MISS POLLY ...... 57 IF IT'S RAINING ...... 38 MR. TANNER ...... 57 I KNOW AN OLD WOMAN WHO MORAL MAJORITY, THE •...... 58 SWALLOWED A FLY...... 38 THE MTA SONG ...... 59 IF I WERE A MOOSE...... 39 THE MUPPET SHOW THEME SONG ...... 59 I KNOW YOU RIDER • ...... 40 MY BLUE HEAVEN ...... 59 I’M A CAMPER...... 40 MY DING-A-LING...... 59 I'M A WOMAN...... 40 MY DOG ROVER ...... 60 IMMANUEL KANT ...... 41 MY FAVORITE THINGS...... 60 INTO THE AIR, JUNIOR BIRDMEN ...... 41 MY FAVORITE MSF THINGS ...... 60 I WANT TO KISS HER •...... 41 MYSTERIOUS WAYS •...... 60 THE IRISH BALLAD • ...... 42 NEVER SAY NO ...... 61 ISN'T IT AWFULLY NICE TO HAVE A NEW MATH • ...... 62 PENIS ...... 42 NORWEGIAN HOT DOG SONG IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN...... 42 (PØLSEFEST) ...... 63 IT’S OVER NOW...... 43 OCTAL DUMP RAP...... 63 IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING ...... 43 OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL EVENING...... 63 ITSY BITSY SPIDER (VERSION 1)...... 43 OLD MACDONALD'S FARM...... 64 ITSY BITSY SPIDER (VERSION 2)...... 43 ON TOP OF OLD SMOKY • ...... 64 THE JUICY MOOSE ...... 43 OSCAR MEYER SONG, THE...... 65 THE KIND OF LOVE YOU NEVER THE PARTING GLASS...... 65 RECOVER FROM...... 44 PLEASANT AND DELIGHTFUL...... 65 KING OF SPAIN...... 44 POLLUTION...... 65 K-K-K-KATY...... 45 POLLY WOLLY DOODLE...... 66 LAND OF CANAAN • ...... 46 POLLY WOLLY MOO-DLE...... 66 LANDSLIDE •...... 46 PUFF THE INFLATABLE DRAGON...... 67 THE LAST ROSE OF SUMMER ...... 46 PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON • ...... 67 LITTLE BUNNY FOO FOO...... 47 QUE SERA SERA ...... 67 LITTLE SKUNK SONG ...... 48 THE RAINBOW CONNECTION...... 68 THE LITTLE WHITE DUCK ...... 48 RAP UP (THANK YOU RAP)...... 68 LOCH LOMOND • ...... 48 ROUNDS...... 68 WHITE CORAL BELLS (4 PARTS) ...... 68 FIRE'S BURNING (4 PARTS) ...... 69 • ...... 49 OH, HOW LOVELY IS THE EVENING (3 PARTS) ...... 69 LULLABY AND GOOD NIGHT FROG ROUND (4 PARTS) ...... 69 (BRAHMS' LULLABY) ...... 50 GOOD NIGHT (3 PARTS) ...... 69 THE LUMBERJACK SONG ...... 50 RUBBER DUCKY...... 69 MANY RIVERS TO CROSS • ...... 51 RUM BY GUM...... 69 MARGARITAVILLE •...... 51 SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK ...... 70 CONJUNCTION JUNCTION...... 70 MAIRZY DOATS...... 52 A NOUN IS A PERSON, PLACE OR THING ...... 70 MEDICAL LOVE SONG...... 52 I’M JUST A BILL...... 71 MEMORY...... 53 SESAME STREET ...... 72 SESAME STREET THEME...... 72 MEN ...... 53 ABC-DEF-GHI...... 72 MICHAEL’S GOT A BABY •...... 54 BEIN' GREEN ...... 72 MICKEY MOUSE CLUB MARCH ...... 54 BREAKFAST TIME ...... 73 "C" IS FOR COOKIE...... 73 MIDSUMMERFEST BLUES (PART 1) •...... 55 C IS FOR COOKIE - OPERA STYLE! ...... 73 MIDSUMMERFEST BLUES (PART 2) •...... 55 THE COUNT'S LULLABY ...... 74 THE GROUCH ANTHEM ...... 74 MIDSUMMERFEST BLUES 89 ...... 55 THE GROUCH EXPLORERS SONG...... 74 MIDSUMMERFEST RAP 87 ...... 56 HEALTHY FOOD ...... 74 MIDSUMMERFEST RAP 89 ...... 56 I LOVE TRASH...... 75 I LOVE TRASH...... 75 I LOVE WHEN IT RAINS...... 75 THE TRAVESTY INTRO...... 93 I REFUSE TO SING ALONG...... 76 IN THE QUIET OF THE EVENING ...... 76 THE TREE TOAD...... 93 THE INSECTS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD ...... 77 TRY TO REMEMBER ...... 94 ON MY POND...... 77 PEOPLE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD ...... 77 TURKEY IN THE STRAW...... 94 THE RAINBOW CONNECTION ...... 79 TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR ...... 94 RUBBER DUCKIE ...... 79 THE UNICORN SONG ...... 95 LITTLE RICHARD'S VERSION ...... 79 SWAMP MUSHY MUDDY ...... 80 UPTOWN SONG...... 95 TADPOLE...... 80 VAN DIEMAN’S LAND • ...... 96 WE ARE ALL EARTHLINGS ...... 80 VOLCANO • ...... 96 SHE’S MY GIRL...... 80 WALTZING MATILDA •...... 97 SHE WENT INTO THE WATER ...... 81 WINNIE-THE-POOH...... 97 SHINE ON HARVEST MOON...... 81 WINNIE THE POOH ...... 97 SIT ON MY FACE ...... 81 STOUTNESS EXERCISE ...... 98 TIGGER'S SONG...... 98 SITTIN' ON THE DOCK OF THE BAY •...... 82 RUMBLY IN MY TUMBLY SONG ...... 98 SMUT ...... 82 THE RAIN RAIN RAIN CAME DOWN DOWN THE SONG OF THE KNIGHTS OF DOWN ...... 98 CAMELOT...... 82 HERO PARTY ...... 99 POOH IN THE HONEY TREE ...... 99 SOON IT'S GONNA RAIN ...... 83 HEFFALUMPS AND WOOZLES ...... 99 SPAM...... 83 HUM FOR A BLUSTERY DAY...... 100 I'M JUST A LITTLE BLACK RAIN CLOUD...... 100 SPAM...... 84 THE POOH WILL SOON BE FREE...... 100 SPAM...... 84 THE WIZARD OF OZ...... 101 SPAM...... 84 OVER THE RAINBOW...... 101 THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER ...... 84 DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD ...... 101 IF I ONLY HAD A ...... 103 THE STAR SPANGLED HAMMER...... 84 IF I WERE KING OF THE FOREST...... 104 STAR TREK: THE NICE GENERATION ...... 84 THE MERRY OLD LAND OF OZ ...... 104 SHE’S BIG E, SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND SHE’S WOMEN LIKE TO HAVE THEIR FUN MINE ...... 84 (AND DRINK MALT LIQUOR TOO) ...... 105 CAPT. PICARD’S NEIGHBORHOOD...... 85 THE MERRY OLD ENTERPRISE ...... 85 WONDERFUL TONIGHT ...... 106 STEPS IN THE RAIN • ...... 85 WONDERFUL TONIGHT (MSF VERSION) • ...... 106 THE STUFF SONG ...... 85 THE WORM SONG...... 106 SUPER SKIER...... 86 YEAR BY YEAR ...... 107 SUPERMAN'S SONG • ...... 87 RAIN SONGS...... 108 SWATTING SKEETERS...... 87 SWEET BABY JAMES • ...... 87 SWING LOW, SWEET CHARIOT •...... 88 TAKE ME BACK TO TECH ...... 88 TAPS...... 89 THAT FESTER OF OURS ...... 89 SOMEWHERE UNDER THE STARS ...... 89 DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD! ...... 89 WE’RE OFF TO SEE THE FESTER • ...... 89 IF ONLY I HAD LESS RAIN...... 89 IF I ONLY HAD MORE ART ...... 90 IF I WERE AN ACE PLAYING PAINTBALL...... 90 IT’S CALLED MIDSUMMERFEST ...... 90 THE OTHER DAY I MET A BEAR ...... 90 THEM DOG KICKERS ...... 91 THEM MOOSE GOOSERS...... 91 THERE'S A HOLE IN THE BUCKET...... 91 TIME WARP ...... 92 TOSS THE POT ...... 93

Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 1

Monty Python Accountancy Shanty It's fun to charter an accountant We're riding in the chopper And sail the wide accountancy Rickety-tickety-tin To find, explore the funds offshore The chopper made a sudden turn And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy I felt my stomach start to churn I prayed we wouldn't crash and burn... It can be manly in insurance Then our altitude leveled again, again, We'll up your premium semi-anually Our altitude leveled again. It's all tax-deductible We're fairly incorruptible We’re cruising in the chopper We're sailing on the wide accountancy Rickety-tickety-tin We’re passing o’er the Dowell wood Addams Family Theme When I saw the barn I understood The layout of the neighborhood... performed by Mike & Carla Guenette and Rich And I'm glad I went up for the spin, the spin, Schaffer at MSF 1989 I’m glad I went up for the spin. They're creepy and they're kooky Mysterious and spooky Still cruising in the chopper And all together ooky Rickety-tickety-tin The Addams Family We pass above the upper pond There's someone waving, it’s a blonde, Their house is a museum I’m feeling cool like I’m James Bond... When people come to see 'em And the pilot, he gives me a grin, a grin They really are a scree-um The pilot, he gives me a grin. The Addams Family More cruising in the chopper Neat Rickety-tickety-tin Sweet John Burns is on the trampoline Petite Three inches tall he looks to be He’s miniature, like Mini-Me... So come and get your shawl on And the size of a shrimp is Ian, Ian, (So get a witch’s shawl on(?)) The size of a shrimp is Ian. A broomstick you can crawl on We're gonna pay a call on We're landing in the chopper The Addams Family Rickety-tickety-tin I swear we’re landing in the drink The Aerish Ballad But just as we are on the brink We touch the ground, we’re in the pink... By Eric Lindblad And I’m ready to go for a swim, a swim, To the tune of “The Irish Ballad” I’m ready to go for a swim.

We took off in the chopper I’ve exited the chopper Sing rickety-tickety-tin Rickety-tickety-tin I thought we’d crash into the trees For fifteen bucks it’s worth the ride Instead we brushed the top-most leaves To see the campsite from the sky And now we’re flying in the breeze... I hope that you’ll give it a try... And the goose bumps recede from my skin, my Just check yes on your registration, -stration, skin, Check yes on your registration. The goose bumps recede from my skin. The Age of Midsummerfest We flew up in the chopper Performed in 1998 as part of “Broadway in Sing rickety-tickety-tin Royalton” by Guenette/Schaffer Productions I hummed "The Ride of the Valkyries" As we skimmed across the property new lyrics by Carla Guenette, Michael Guenette, The trees looked small like broccoli... Rich Schaffer, and Eva Patalas With the clues on them small as a pin, a pin, (to the tune of “The Age of Aquarius”) The clues on them small as a pin. When The Moon is in the Seventh House 2 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest And Jupiter Aligns with Mars And as as he fell, he shrugged and said, "It's Then Peace will guide the planets time to hit the hay." And love will steer the stars Humpty Dumpty fell right down and landed on This is the dawning of the age of Midsummerfest his head, The age of Midsummerfest So, all the horses and the men had scrambled Midsummerfest! eggs and bread. Midsummerfest! Rutted Roads and soggy camping Alison • Group photos and docks collapsing No more clean and pleasant toilets by Elvis Costello To drink water, better boil it performed by Chris Holm at MSF 1990 Ian Dowell’s grand endeavor {define: B7sus4 2 1 4 1 3 1 -1} Making friends that last forever Midsummerfest Intro Midsummerfest B7sus4 B Abm A C#m When the clouds on the horizon form And 89 is lined with cars B F#m Abm Then Ian rules the woods again And you can’t see the stars A E This is the dawning of the age of Midsummerfest Oh it's so funny to be seeing you after so long Age of Midsummerfest girl Midsummerfest! A Midsummerfest! And the way you look I understand that G#m7 C#m B Midsummerfest! you were not im pressed Midsummerfest! A G#m7 But I heard you let that little friend of Ain't Gonna Rain No More C#m Chorus: mine Oh, it ain't gonna rain no more, no more, it ain't D B7sus4 B7 gonna rain no more. Take off your party dress It rained last week and the week before, it ain't A E C#m gonna rain no more. I'm not going to get too senti mental Mary had a little lamb, so goes the tale of yore. B A G#m7 She loved that little lamb so much, she passed Like those other sticky valentines the plate for more. C#m B A bullfrog sat on a lily pad, looking up in the sky. He fell right off that lily pad, and got water in his A G#m7 eye. Because I don't know if you've been loving Oh, a peanut sat on a railroad track, it's heart C#m was all a-flutter. some body Along came the 5:05 - Oops! peanut butter. D B7sus4 B7 A cow walked on the railroad track, the train was I only know it isn't mine coming fast. The train got off the railroad track to let the cow Chorus go past! A E A B G#m I woke up in the morning, I glanced upon the Alli son, I know this world is killing wall. C#m The roaches and the bedbugs were having a you game of ball. B A E A B E The score was six to nothing, the roaches were Oh All ison, my aim is true ahead. A E A bedbug hit a home run and knocked me out of So I see you've got a husband now bed! A G#m7 A doctor fell into a well and broke his collar Did he leave your pretty fingers lying in bone. C#m B We think that he should tend the sick and leave the wedding cake the well alone. A G#m7 A farmer slipped on the old barn roof when You used to hold him right there in your rotten boards gave way, C#m hand Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 3

D B7sus4 A B C D E F G But did you give more than he could take H I J K B7 LMNOP Q R S and T U V A G#m7 W, X Sometimes I wish that I could STOP you Y and Z C#m from talking Now I know my A B C B A G#m7 Next time won’t you sing with me? When I hear the silly things that you say C#m B The Muppet Alphabet Song The Sesame Street "Alphabet Song" A G#m7 Amazingly Beautiful Creatures Dancing I think somebody better turn out the big Exite the Forest Glade. C#m light in my Heart I do D Jump like Kangaroo do Because I can't stand to see you this Listening to the Music B7sus4 B7 so Nicely Organ Played. way Quietly Rest the Sleeping Tiger Chorus Under the Vines by the Waterside X-marks-the-spot 'neath the Repeat and fade Yellow moon where the D B E A Zulu chief and I do hide My aim is true (Hey nan ay)

All Things Dull and Ugly Lumberman’s Alphabet Monty Python A is for axes that you may all know; And B is for boys that make them all go; All things dull and ugly, all creatures short and C is for choppers so early begun squat And D is for danger we often stand in. All things rude and nasty, the Lord God made CHORUS : the lot 'Tis merry, 'tis merry, 'tis merry are we No mortal on earth, so happy as we. Each little snake that poisons, each little wasp A derry, Lo derry, Ring derry dum. that stings Give us shantymen's grog and there'll nothing He made their brutish venom, He made their go wrong. horrid wings E is the echo that through the woods rang: F is the foreman, head one of our gang; All things sick and cancerous, all evil great and G is the grindstone so merrily goes round small And H js the handle, so smoothly 'tis worn. All things foul and dangerous, the Lord God I is the Iron that mark-ed the pine; made them all J is the Jov-al that's never behind; K is the keen edge our axes we keep Each nasty little hornet, each beastly little squid And L is the lice that over us creep. Who made the spiky urchin? Who made the M is the moss we patch-ed the cracks shark? He did And N is the needle we patch-ed our pants; O is the owl that hooteth at night All things scabbed and ulcerous, all pox both And P is the pine that always falls right. great and small Q is the quarrel we never allow; Putrid, foul and gangrenous, The Lord God R is the river we float our logs down made them all S is the sleds so stout and so strong And T is the teams that go jog 'em along. Alphabet Songs U is the use we put our teams to; V is the valley we draw our logs through; W is the woods we leave in the spring The Alphabet Song And this is all I am going to sing. Performed in 1998 Elisabeth Guenette & Meryl Brott 4 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest (Chorus) The Sailor's Alphabet I A's for the anchor that lies at our bow Sailor's Alphabet II B's for the bowsprit and the jibs all lie low A is the Anchor that holds a bold ship, C's for the capstan we all run around B is the Bowsprit that often does dip. D's for the davits to lower the boat down C is the Capstan round which we must wind, and (Chorus) D are the Davits on which the jolly boat hangs. Merrily, merrily So merry sail we, no mortal on earth like a sailor Chorus: at sea So hi derry, hey derry, ho derry down, Heave away, haul away, the ship rolls along Give sailors their grog and there's nothing goes Give a sailor his grog and there's nothing goes wrong, wrong So merry, so merry, so merry are we, No mortal on earth like a sailor at sea. E's for the ensign that at our mast flew F's for the forecastle where lives our crew E is the Ensign, the Red, White and Blue, G's for the galley where the salt junk smells F is the Fo'castle that holds the ship's crew. strong G is the Gangway where the mate takes his And H is the halyards we hoist with a song stand, and H is the Hawser that seldom does strand. (Chorus) I is the Irons where the stuns'l boom sits. J is the Jib boom that often does slip. I's for the eyebolts, good for the feet K are the Keelsons of which you've been told, J's for the jibs that stand by the lee sheet and K's for the knighthead where the petty officer L are the Lanyards that always will hold. stands M is the Mainmast so stout and so strong, L's for the leeside, hard found by new hands N is the Northpoint that never points wrong. O are the Orders which we must beware, and (Chorus) P are the Pumps that cause sailors to swear. Q is the Quadrant the sun for to take, M's for the mainmast, it's stout and it's strong R is the Rigging that often does shake. N's for the needle that never points wrong S is the Starboard side of our bold ship, and O's for the oars of our old jolly boats T are the Topmasts that often do split. And P's for the pinnace that lively do float U is the Ugliest old captain of all, (Chorus) V are the Vapors that come with the squall. W is the Windlass round which we must wind, Q's for the quarterdeck where our officers stand and And R's for the rudder that keeps the ship in X, Y and Z -- I can't put to rhyme. command or: S is for the stunsells that drive her along U's for the uniform, mostly worn aft T's for the topsail, to get there takes long V's for the vangs running from the main gap W's for water, we're on a pint and a pound (Chorus) And X marks the spot where old Stormy was drowned U's for the uniform, mostly worn aft V's for the vangs running from the main gap (Chorus) W's for water, we're on a pint and a pound And X marks the spot where old Stormy was Y's for yardarm, needs a good sailor man drowned Z is for Zoe, I'm her fancy man Z's also for zero in the cold winter time (Chorus) And now we have brought all the letters in rhyme Y's for yardarm, needs a good sailor man Z is for Zoe, I'm her fancy man Always Look of the Bright Side Z's also for zero in the cold winter time And now we have brought all the letters in of Life rhyme Monty Python Cheer up, Brian Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 5

You know what they say... Thy sons and daughters, oh MIT, return from far and wide Some things in life are bad And gather here once more to be renourished by They can really make you mad thy side, Other things just make you swear and curse And as we raise our glasses on high to pledge When you're chewing on life's gristle our love for thee Don't grumble, give a whistle We join all those of days gone by in praise of And this'll help things turn out for the best, hey MIT.

Always look on the bright side of life Arhus Song Always look on the light side of life If life seems jolly rotten by Anne Thøgersen & Tina Dahl Lundgren There's something you've forgotten performed at MSF 2001 by Anne Thøgersen, Tina And that's to laugh and smile and dance and Dahl Lundgren, Meryl Brott & Theresa Crafts sing When you're feeling in the dumps Arise Ye of Midsummerfest Don't be silly chumps Just purse you're lips and whistle (original) That's the thing by Mike Guentte performed at MSF 1997 by the Assembled Multitudes And, always look on the bright side of life Always look on the right side of life (to the tune of “Arise Ye Sons of MIT”) For life is quite absurd An. death's the final word Arise, ye of Midsummerfest You must always face the curtain with a bow Raise up your paintguns high Forget about your sin Remember ye our solemn oath give the audience a grin No paintballs in the eye... Enjoy it, it's you last chance of the hour Toast now him of this wondrous meet So, always look on the bright side of death Let not one face show scowl. Just before you draw your terminal breath Good health and fortune to you sir, Life's a piece o' shit And happiness, Ian Dowell! When you look at it Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true Full long on our behalf you've toiled You'll see it's all a show And gotten rained on too, Keep 'em laughing as you go And tho' your thoughts are oft half-boiled Remember that the last laugh is on you We sing our thanks to you!

And, always look on the bright side of life Through mud and muck we crawled and ran Always look on the right side of life Whilst you did urge us on. Come on, Brian cheer up 'Twas only with much strong restraint Always look on the bright side of life You weren't thrown in the pond. Always look on the right side of life Worse things happen at sea, you know And so, we raise our mugs on high Always look on the bright side of life As with this though we're left I mean, what do you have to lose Three cheers for Ian and the Dowells, You come from nothing God bless Mid-Summerfest! You go back to nothing What have you lost, nothing Arise Ye of Midsummerfest Always look on the bright side of life by Mike Guentte & Ian Dowell performed at MSF 1997 by the Assembled Multitudes Arise All Ye of MIT (to the tune of “Arise Ye Sons of MIT”) (The closest thing MIT has to a new alma mater.) Arise all ye of MIT, in loyal fellowship. 1. The future beckons unto ye and life is full and Arise ye of Midsummerfest good. Raise up your paintguns high Arise and raise your glass on high; tonight shall Remember ye your solemn oath ever be No paintballs in the eye A mem'ry that will never die, for ye of MIT. 6 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Toast him now of this wondrous meet And gather here once more to be renourished Let not one face show scowl by thy side, Good health and fortune to you sir And as we raise our steins on high to pledge our And happiness Ian Dowell. love for thee We join thy sons of days gone by in praise of 2. MIT. Arise ye of Midsummerfest Oh loyal sons of MIT, when clouds of war burn Applaud the Travesty red, Though in the works for quite a while In foreign land on distant sea, your battle line is T'was not all done til three spread, To you we raise our steins on high wherever you It's bound to win the best award may be An 'twill complete the set And join you voices from the sky, ye sons of Another o'erdone production MIT.} From mind of Mike Guenette Auld Lang Syne • 3. And who's the star of all these shows F C7 Well he's not one to brag Should auld acquaintance be forgot F Bb He wears a dress and holds a bear And never brought to mind? And says what's in the bag F C7 Should auld acquaintance be forgot His accents are most masterful A7 Dm C7sus C7 F When he is shilling beer And days of auld lang syne? He always can be counted on The Great One Rich Shaffir. Bb F C7 For auld lang syne, my dear, 4. F F7 Bb D7 Arise Ye of Midsummerfest For auld lang syne ; Prepare to Oooh and Ahhh Gm F C7 How multi-talented she is We'll take a cup of kindness yet The lov-e-ly Carla! A7 Bb Gm7 C7 F For auld lang - syne. As Dorothy or Star Trek doc, Or tootling clarinet, And here's a hand, my trusty friend As peerless mom or helping friend And gives a hand o' thine; All hail Carla Guenette! We'll take a cup o' kindness yet For auld lang syne.

5. For auld lang syne, my dear, No mud or rain will slow us down For auld lang syne; At least til weekend ends We'll take a cup o' kindness yet Together we will see it through For auld lang syne. This gathering of friends. The Ballad of Bubba • And so, we raise our mugs on high And do what we do best by Jo Ellen Saunders & Diane Sniezek We'll eat and talk and play and soak performed at MSF 1990 Let's start Midsummerfest! (to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”)

Arise Ye Sons of MIT C G I got in my truck and I put it in gear Music and lyrics by John B. Wilbur '26 C Arise all ye sons of MIT, in loyal brotherhood. I reached down back and got myself a beer The future beckons unto ye and life is full and F good. Cruisin’ down the broken line in this locality Arise and raise your steins on high; tonight shall C G C ever be Missin’ my Bubba who is far away from me A mem'ry that will never die, ye sons of MIT. Once more thy sons, oh MIT, return from far Miles, that is, across state lines and wide Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 7

I was drivin’ all night when I happened to see Were compressed to half its volume what the A big ol’ truck wrapped around a tree entropy would be I slowed down fast so I could pull near If two-thirds delta-sigma equalled half of delta-P. Suddenly I saw a man in the rear (2/3 ??=1/2 ?P) He said he guessed the entropy would have to View mirror, that is equal four Tying his shoes, down low, yeah Unless the second law should bring it up a couple more Slammed on the brakes nearly burned out my But then, it might be seven if the Carnot law clutch applied, I felt my Christian duty to help him as such Or it might be almost zero if the delta-T should He turned around slow an‘ looked me in the eye slide. And all I could do was heave and sigh The professor read his paper with a corrugated brow. Whew! For he knew he'd have to grade it and he didn't quite know how He said, pretty lady whatcha doin’ way out here 'Til an inspiration in his cerebellum suddenly Must get pretty lonely but with me you’ll have no smote, fear And he seized his trusty fountain pen and this is I need me a woman to fill my nights with ecstasy what he wrote: But first can you help me charge my battery? Just as you have guessed the entropy, I'll have to guess your grade, Charge what?! But the second law won't raise it to the mark you We got no credit cards out here might have made. For it might have been a 100 if your guesses all My heart began to pound and Bubba came to were good, mind But I think it must be zero 'til they're rightly This fella couldn’t tempt me, I’m not the cheatin’ understood. kind Glory, glory dear old thermo I saw him four weeks later walkin’ in the park Glory, glory dear old thermo He looked a lot better when I met him in the dark Glory, glory dear old thermo, We'll try again next term. The Ballad of 5.60 (To the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic") The Ballad of Ian Dowell • Free energy and entropy were whirling in his by Geoff Fitch and Ellen Williams brain performed at MSF 1988 With partial differentials and greek letters in their train (to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”) While delta, sigma, gamma, theta, epsilon and C G pi Let me tell you a story about a guy named Ian (??????? C Were driving him distracted as they danced The poorest computer hacker that you have before his eye. ever se’en Glory, glory dear old thermo F Glory, glory dear old thermo Then one day he was feeling like a boob Glory, glory dear old thermo, C G We'll pass you by and by. When up from the ground came a blue and Heat, Content, and fugacity revolved within his C brain white cube Like molecules and atoms that you never have to name. Intermetrics, that is And logarithmic functions doing cakewalks in his The ’Trix dreams, And partial molar quantities devouring chocolate Next thing you know Ian’s doing pretty well creams. He tells his old boss, “You can go to hell. They asked him on the final if a mole of any gas Fresh Pond is the place I wanna be” In a vessel with a membrane through which So he loaded up his moped off to seven-thirty- Hydrogen could pass three 8 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Concord Ave., that is the night was nice for rowing and this girl was Rotaries, and Burger King gone Not so perpendicular. Well, Ian’s really happy, he’s moved right in Space around the office is getting pretty thin So you let a man just walk right over you. He’s got his candy, his Macintosh, his basketball Who says dignified is what you are. too Such a wonderful lot of terrible things did And a pile of dirty clothes, this place is smelling happen like a zoo And now it's you can tell me…sorry.

Chimpanzees Bicycle Built For Two And elephants There is a flower Well, this boy’s got character, we’ll grant you Within my heart, that Daisy, Daisy! What he knows about Ada you could fit in a hat Planted one day But all around the ’Trix we’ve grown to like Ian By a glancing dart, ’Cause he’s the best ’Fest planner that there has Planted by Daisy Bell! ever be’en. Whether she loves me Or loves me not, Sometimes it's hard to tell; The Barbara Song Yet I am longing to share the lot - performed by Rogina Haase at MSF 1987 Of beautiful Daisy Bell!

(From “The Threepenny Opera”) Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do! I used to believe in the days I was pure, I'm half crazy, and I was pure like you used to be. All for the love of you! My wonderful someone would come to me It won't be a stylish marriage, someday I can't afford a carriage and then it would all depend on me. But you'll look sweet upon the seat Of a bicycle made for two. If he's a good man, if he's a fine man Wears a big cravat, smokes a cigar, We will go 'tandem' And if he's gallant and treats me like a lady, As man and wife, Then I shall tell him…sorry. Daisy, Daisy! 'Peddling' away Chin up high, keep your powder dry, don't relax Down the road of life, or go too far. I and my Daisy Bell! Look, the moon is gonna shine 'til dawn, When the road's dark Keep the little row boat cruising on and on, We can both despise You stay perpendicular. P'licemen and 'lamps' as well; There are 'bright lights Oh you can't just let a man walk over you, In the dazzling eyes cold and dignified is what you are Of beautiful Daisy Bell! Such a whole lot of things can happen So firmly say but sweetly…sorry. Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do! One day comes a man but what kind of a man, I'm half crazy, Do you know why he does what he does. All for the love of you! He walked into my room and he hung up his hat, It won't be a stylish marriage, And I just didn't know where I was. I can't afford a carriage But you'll look sweet upon the seat He was a lean man, he was a mean man didn't Of a bicycle made for two. own a cravat smoked no cigar. I will stand by you And God knows he never made me feel a lady, In 'wheel' or woe, there just wasn't time for…sorry. Daisy, Daisy! You'll be the bell(e) Chin up high my chin was down my shoes Which I'll ring you know! and I relaxed, but far too far. Sweet little Daisy Bell! Oh the moon kept shining on, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 9

You'll take the 'lead' We can sleep all day In each 'trip' we take, And the bars all have free lunches Then if I don't do well, Where the mail train stops I will permit you to And there ain't no cops Use the brake, And the folks are tender-hearted My beautiful Daisy Bell! Where you never change your socks And you never throw rocks Bicycle Built For Two And your hair is never parted Chorus: Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do I'm half crazy, 3. Oh, a farmer and his son, All for the love of you They were on the run It won't be a stylish marriage To the hay field they were bounding I can't afford a carriage Said the bum to the son, But you'll look sweet "Why don't you come Upon the seat To that big rock candy mountain?" Of a bicycle built for two So the very next day They hiked away, Michael, Michael The mileposts they were counting Here is your answer true. But they never arrived I'll not cycle Over the world with you. At the lemonade tide If you can afford a carriage, On the big rock candy mountain There won't be any marriage. Chorus: 'Cause I'll be damned, If I'll be crammed Version 2 On a bicycle built for two! 1. One evening as the sun went down And the jungle fires were burning, The Barbara Song Down the track came a hobo hiking, performed by Steve Dubin at MSF 2002 He said, "Boys, I'm not turning I'm heading for a land that's far away attr. to Harry "Haywire Mac" McClintock Beside the crystal fountain I'll see you all this coming fall Version 1 In the Big Rock Candy Mountain 1. On a summer day Chorus: In the month of May A burly bum came hiking 2. In the Big Rock Candy Mountain, Down a shady lane It's a land that's fair and bright, Through the sugar cane The handouts grow on bushes He was looking for his liking And you sleep out every night. As he roamed along The boxcars all are empty He sang a song And the sun shines every day Of the land of milk and honey I'm bound to go Where a bum can stay Where there ain't no snow For many a day Where the sleet don't fall And he won't need any money And the winds don't blow In the Big Rock Candy Mountain. Chorus: Chorus: Oh the buzzin' of the bees In the cigarette trees 3. In the Big Rock Candy Mountain Near the soda water fountain You never change your socks At the lemonade springs And little streams of alkyhol Where the bluebird sings Come trickling down the rocks On the big rock candy mountain O the shacks all have to tip their hats And the railway bulls are blind 2. There's a lake of gin There's a lake of stew We can both jump in And gingerale too And the handouts grow on bushes And you can paddle In the new-mown hay All around it in a big canoe 10 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest In the Big Rock Candy Mountain Chorus: Billboards 4. In the Big Rock Candy Mountain (Tune: Superfragilisticespyalladocious) The cops have wooden legs As I was walking down the street The bulldogs all have rubber teeth one dark and gloomy day, And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs I came upon a billboard and much to my dismay, The farmer's trees are full of fruit The sign was torn and tattered from the storm And the barns are full of hay the night before, I'm bound to go The wind and rain had done it's work and this it Where there ain't no snow what I saw: Where the sleet don't fall And the winds don't blow "Smoke Coca-Cola Cigarettes -- chew Wrigley's In the Big Rock Candy Mountain. Spearmint beer -- Chorus: Kennel Ration Dog Food keeps your wife's complexion clear; 5. In the Big Rock Candy Mountain, Simonize your baby with a Hershey's candy bar The jails are made of tin. -- You can slip right out again, And Texaco's the beauty cream that's used by As soon as they put you in. all the stars!" There ain't no short-handled shovels, No axes, saws nor picks, "So take your next vacation in a brand new I'm bound to stay Fridgidaire -- Where you sleep all day, Learn to play piano in your winter underwear -- Where they hung the jerk Doctors say that babies should smoke until they That invented work are three, In the Big Rock Candy Mountain. And people over 65 should bathe in Lipton Tea!" Chorus: (slowly)....in flow-thru tea bags.

The Billboard Song Blackbird • performed by Stephanie Budin at MSF 1991 by the Beatles performed by Ian Dowell and Teresa Lyons at MSF As I was walking down the street 1993 A billboard met my eye The advertisement thereupon G C G /// Made one laugh and cry Blackbird singing in the dead of night / A7 Am7 Adim The rain and hail had come that night Take these broken wings and learn to And washed it half away Em / Cm / The other half remaining there fly Made that billboard say: G A7 C / Cm / All your life Oh, smoke a Coca-Cola G / A7 / C Drink ketchup cigarettes You were only waiting for this moment See Lillian Russel rustle D7 G /// In a box of Oysterettes to a rise Pork and beans will be tonight G C G /// In a finish fight Blackbird singing in the dead of night Dr. Brown’s and a cow / A7 Am7 Adim Make your teeth so bright Take these sunken eyes and learn to Em / Cm / Oh, rum is good for horses see The best we have in town G / C / Cm / Castoria kills the measles All your life Just lay five dollars down G / A7 / C Teeth extracted without pay You were only waiting for this moment Costs but half a dime D7 G /// Epsom salts selling out to be free F / Bb / C / Carload at a time! Black bird fly F / Bb / A7 / Black bird fly Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 11

/ D7 / G / C friends, sisters and pals, Into the light of a dark, black night\break We'll always be bosom buddies, / G / C / G // if life should reject you, there's me to protect you. (Vera) If I say that your tongue is vicious, Blowin' in the Wind • (Mame) if I call you uncouth, by Bob Dylan (Both) It's simply that who else but a performed by Becky Sherman and Ian Dowell at MSF bosom buddies will sit down and 1994 tell you the truth. D G D (Vera) Though now and again I'm aware How many roads must a man walk down, that my candid opinion my sting, G Asus4 A (Mame) Or that my frank observation might Before you call him a man? scald; D G D I've been meaning to tell you for years Yes, and how many seas must a white dove you should keep your hair natural like mine. sail, (Vera) If I kept my hair natural like yours I'd be G Asus4 A bald. Before she can sleep in the sand? ...but darling... D G D Yes, and how many times must the cannon (Both) We'll always be dear companions, (Vera) my crony, balls fly, (Mame) my mate. G Asus4 A Before they're forever banned? (Both) We'll always be harmonizing, (Vera) Orphan Annie and Sandy, (Both) like Amos and Andy, Chorus: G A D F# (Vera) If I say that your sense of style's The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the as far off as your youth, Bm It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy wind, will tell you the whole stinking truth. G A D (Mame) Each time that a critic has written The answer is blowin' in the wind. your voice is the voice of a frog, Straight to your side to defend you I rush. How many times must a man look up, You know that I'm there every time the world Before he can see the sky? makes an unkind remark Yes, and how many ears must one man have, When they say Vera Charles is the world's Before he can hear people cry? greatest lush. Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he It hurts me. knows, That too many people have died? (Vera) And if I say your fangs are showing, Mame pull in your claws, Chorus It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy, will notice the obvious flaws. How many years can a mountain exist, (Mame) I feel its my duty to tell you, Before it is washed to the sea? its time to adjust to your age, Yes, and how many years can some people You try to be Lady Diana, when you’reLady exist, MacBeth. Before they're allowed to be free? Exactly how old are you Vera? The truth. Yes, and how many times can a man turn his (Vera) How old do you think? head, (Mame) Oh, I'd say somewhere in between thirty Pretending he just doesn't see? and... death. (Both) But sweetie, Chorus (Vera) I'll always be Alice Toklas, if you'll be Gertrude Stein. Bosom Buddies And though I'll admit I've dished you, I've gossiped and gloated, performed by Rogina Jeffries & Stephanie Budin at but I'm so devoted; MSF 1991 (Mame) And if I say that sex and guts, (From “Mame”) made you into a star,_ It's simply that, who else but a bosom buddy (Both) We'll always be bosom buddies, will tell you how rotten you are. 12 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest (Both)Just turn to your bosom buddy E7 For aid and affection, rain came for health and direction, A D A E7 for loyalty, love and for sooth, Down in the hol low p laying a new game Remember that, A D A who else but a bosom buddy Laughing, and a r unning, hey, hey. skipping will sit down and level, E7 will give you the devil, and a-ju mping will .. sit down and tell you the truth. A D A E7 in the misty morning fog, with our h earts a A Brothers’ Rap thumpin' and you By Bill Walsh and Ryan Condon D F#m D E7 performed at MSF 1988 M y brown eyed gi rl Y ou, m y brown A E7 We are the rappin’ brothers eyed gi rl Named Ryan and Bill We’re here to sing a song A D A So just sit still Whatever happened to Tues day and so E7 When we get together slow We go real far A D A He gives directions Going down to the old man with a transistor And he drives the car E7 rad io We check out chicks A D A girls and dames Standing in the s unlight laughing, hiding But we have more luck E7 Playin’ video games behind a r ainbow's wall A D A Slipping and a sl iding, hey, hey, A ll along the We check out cars E7 A In the Porche shop waterfall with you, But Burger King D F#m D E7 Is the Place where we shop my brown eyed g irl. Y ou, m y brown A I deliver papers eyed gi rl And I fill’em in So don’t ever say Bridge We didn’t give you nothin’ E7 D o you remember when we used to sing We go see Bond A D A E7 And feel real hot S ha la la la l a la la la l a la la la te da Then lay a patch Just like that In the parkin’ lot A D A E7 S ha la la la l a la la la l a la la la te d a la If you see us walkin’ A Don’t be a fool te d a Just come up quiet And stay real cool A D A So hard to find my way, Now that I'm all We’ll see you around E7 The train or the bus on my own In K B Toys A D A Or Toys’R’Us I saw you just the other day, my, how you E7 have grown Brown Eyed Girl • A D by Van Morrision Cast my memory ba ck there Lord. performed at MSF 1994 by David Allen, Ian Dowell, A E7 Steve Dubin, Jennifer Sydney & Mindy Wakefield Som etimes I'm ov ercome thinkin' 'bout it A D A A D A Makin' love in the green grass b ehind the Hey, where did we go days when the Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 13

E7 A Doin’ about 90 s tadium with you , No one’s behind me D F#m D E7 Thought we were cruisin’ my brown eyed gir l you, my b rown eyed But we were losin’ A We were missin’ girl Our transmission. We had to stop Bridge To pop The hood up. A Bushel and a Peck Oh fuck Melody - from Guys and Dolls, Frank Loesser, 1950 This sucks We’re out of luck. I love you a bushel and peck These damsels were buggin’ A bushel and peck No extra parts they were luggin’. And a hug around the neck A hug around the neck Then out of the night And a barrel and a heap A knight in shining ArmorAll A barrel and a heap We thought we were rescued And I'm talking in my sleep From this terrible close call. About you, about you Suddenly the light from a truck passin’ by us Illuminated a dude that was most heinous. Cause I love you a bushel and a peck We screamed. He speaks! You bet your pretty neck, I do “Yo baby yo Doodle, oodle, oodle, Don’t ya know Doodle, oodle, oodle, Your car won’t go Doodle, oodle, oodle oo Without a tow I love you a bushel and peck Unless I show A bushel and peck You what I know.” Though you make my heart a wreck Make my heart a wreck We stood around the car tryin’ to be helpful. And you make my life a mess He fixed the car while gettin’ an eyeful. Make my life a mess, yes Like he could help it. A mess of happiness (?) anything to look at, man. About you, about you He was Col. Sanders and we were finger-lickin’ Cause I love you a bushel . . . . good!

I love you a bushel and peck He said A bushel and peck “Yo baby yo And it beats me all to heck Don’t you wanna go Beats me all to heck To a campin’ trip And I'll never tend the farm That is most hip?” Never tend the farm We said When I wanna keep my arm “No baby no About you, about you We gotta go Cause I love you a bushel . . . . To our own soiree That is today.” Camping Casanova We didn’t know what other words to say So we got in our car and made our getaway. Written and performed by Diane Sniezek & Jo Ellen O-E-O, O-Yo-O, O-E-O, O-Yo-O Saunders at MSF 1991 Give me an M! Gropin’ in the dark, stumblin’ and fallin’ Give me an S! Suddenly we hear somebody callin’ Give me an F! “Yo, can I lend you a hand?” What does it spell? We took him up on his offer Midsummer, Midsummer, Midsummerfest! But handlin’ our (beep) was all he was after. Midsummer, Midsummer, Midsummerfest! We ran to the campsite Midsummer, Midsummer, Midsummerfest! This couldn’t be happenin’ Midsummer, Midsummer, Midsummerfest! Twice in one night What fright We were on our way Where’s our flashlight? 14 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest He’s worse than a bug-bite. He camps when it’s sunny, he camps when it’s damp. Here’s where the story starts to get thorny A This dude was horny All he needs is a tent, a sleeping roll Just when we thought this nightmare was over E He’s back A can of spam and a sack of charcoal. Again B7 The Camping Casanova He camps in the desert, He camps in the snow. He said A E “Yo baby, yo baby, yo baby yo He says “Baby, Come with me.” I say “No”. Yo baby, yo baby, yo baby yo Here’s your chance You see I like hot showers and I like ice To enhance The cool cotton sheets on my bed feel so nice. Your love life.” I’m afraid of little animals and scared of big We said bugs. “No baby, no baby, no baby no I like the feel of bare feet on a Berber rug. No baby, no baby, no baby no I can’t stand Port-a-Cans, community soap. Fat chance I say, “Baby, Stay with me.” He says “Nope.” Hang on to your pants We ain’t got time for no romance.” Bridge: A All weekend long he made us his mission. So I say “Why deprive yourself of the creature But we were too clever for him comforts We continually dissed him. E “Can I massage your feet? It’s taken man so long to invent?” Or any other part that might need my attention?” A Yeah, how about my big toenail. Maybe my split And he says something about Walden, ends. Thoreau “May I escort you to the latrine for your own B7 protection?” And back to Woodstock, livin’ his life in a tent .E For our protection we suggest you wear a full And then he went. Oh body condom. He walked into our tent one night Oh I can picture him now by a babbling brook By mistake he said. Slapping at mosquitos, slipping bait on a hook. Apparently Deep Woods Off ain’t deep enough. I can see the bear sniffin’ ‘round for something And since when did volleyball become a full to steal. contact sport? Oh bear, eat a hot dog. Don’t make my baby Spikes are over the net, not under the belt. your meal. This whole scenario would give me such a fright. The trip was almost over You’d think he coulda stayed with me tonight, We were loadin’ up the car. Casanova came a-callin’ With my air conditioner on, makes a nice breeze To see how we are. Kinda like the wind whistling through the trees. Parting is such sweet sorrow I got stars on my ceiling that glow in the dark Thank god we won’t have to see you tomorrow. I’ll open up the windows; we can hear the birds Yo baby yo in the park. Don’t ya know B7 We got to go I’ll put Wild Kingdom on my T.V. So..... A (segue into “Hit the Road Jack”) This might not be camping, but it’s pretty close. B7 Camping • Oh Honey, I’ll act as primitive as you want me By Christine Lavin to be. performed by Ian Dowell and Steve Dubin at MSF A This might not be camping, but it’s close 1992 E7 (12 bar blues) enough for me

E Oh I’m in love with a man who loves to camp. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 15

Hot and sultry summer night Yiminy what a fright Catch a Falling Star Holy mackerel! Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket (I just threw that in for the halibut!) Never let it fade away Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Catch a pickled herring Save it for a rainy day Put it in a barrel For love may come and tap you on the shoulder some Though it takes your breath away starless night Catch a pickled herring Just in case you feel you want to hold her Put it in a barrel You'll have a pocketful of starlight Serve it on a silver tray Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket (Silver, silver tray) Never let it fade away Then you know whenever you get hungry Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Here’s what you do Save it for a rainy day Get the pickled herring if you’re able For love may come and tap you on the shoulder some Eat it fast before it rots the table. starless night Just in case you feel you want to hold her Catch a pickled herring You'll have a pocketful of starlight Put it in a barrel (Pocketful of starlight, hm,hm,hm,hm,hm,hm) Never let it get away Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Catch a pickled herring Never let it fade away Put it in a barrel Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Save it for a rainy day Save it for a rainy day Never let it get away (Save it for a rainy, save it for a rainy, rainy, rainy, Save it for a rainy day day) For when your troubles start multiplyin' and they just might The Clean Song It's easy to forget them without tryin' performed by Erik Nottleson at MSF 1991 With just a pocketful of starlight Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket There once was a sailor Never let it fade away Who looked through the glass Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket And spied a young mermaid Save it for a rainy day With scales on her island (Save it for a rainy day) Where seagulls flew over their nests Save it for a rainy day She combed the long hair That hung over her shoulders Catch a Pickled Herring And caused her to tickle and itch by Stan Boreson The sailor cried out Performed in 1999 by Ian Dowell & Teresa Lyons There’s a beautiful mermaid A sitting out there on the rocks To the tune of “Catch a Falling Star.” The crew came a-running All grabbing their glasses Catch a pickled herring And crowded four deep to the rail Put it in a barrel All eager to share in this fine piece of news Never let it get away Which the captain soon hear from the watch Catch a pickled herring He tied down the wheel Put it in a barrel Save it for a rainy day And reached for his crackers And cheese which he kept by the door For you may get into a recession In case he might encounter a mermaid And you lose your yob He knew he must use all his wits But if you’ve got some pickled herring handy He cried, “throw out a line You’ll find things will turn out dandy We’ll lasso her flippers. And then we shall find Catch a pickled herring If mermaids are better before or be brave Put it in a barrel My young fellows.” The captain then said No matter what your friends may say We’ll soon break through her mermaiden.” Catch a pickled herring Put it in a barrel Heading to starboard they tacked with dispatch Watch the neighbors move away And caught the poor mermaid Right under her hair. Some people think that Limburger cheese is After a while one man noticed some scabs. Really a fright The crew came down with pox on their But until you smell some pickled herring on a This song may be boring 16 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest But at least it’s clean. You get a line and I'll get a pole, Babe. You get a line and I'll get a pole, Cow Imagination We'll go fishin' in the crawdad hole, Honey, Baby mine. by Lou & Peter Berryman Performed in 1998 by Ian Dowell & Teresa Lyons Sittin' on the bank 'til my feet get cold, Honey, E B7 Sittin' on the bank 'til my feet get cold, Babe, Cow Imagination on an average afternoon'll Sittin' on the bank 'til my feet get cold, E Lookin' down that crawdad hole, run to cud Honey, Baby mine. E B7 Pig imagination on the other hand'll tend to Yonder comes a man with a sack on his back, E Honey, run to mud Yonder comes a man with a sack on his back, A Babe, Slug imagination if it doesn't run to slime'll run Yonder comes a man with a sack on his back, E Packin' all the crawdads he can pack, to goo Honey, Baby mine. B7 A My imagination if it isn't on the blink'll run to The man fell down and he broke that sack, E you Honey, The man fell down and he broke that sack, Cat imagination is an ugly thing to picture for a Babe, bird The man fell down and he broke that sack, Hip imagination is an awful thing to have if See those crawdads backing back, you're a nerd Honey, Baby mine. Your imagination is a lovely Shangri-La Let me recommend a rendezvous with an I heard the duck say to the drake, Honey, imaginary moi I heard the duck say to the drake, Babe, I heard the duck say to the drake, Honey is a factor in the big imagination of a bear There ain't no crawdads in this lake, Tick imagination has a cottage for the summer in Honey, Baby mine. your hair Flea imagination is involved in exploration near Crawdad Song (Version 2) your knee Southern Evidently I possess the same imagination as a flea You get a line and I'll get a pole, honey You get a line and I'll get a pole, babe Bridge: You get a line and I'll get a pole A Am And we'll go down to that crawdad hole Is that a letter, a letter from you Honey, baby mine. E Is that the phone that rings What you gonna do when the lake goes dry, F#7 honey Who's at the back door, is that really you What you gonna do when the lake goes dry, B7 babe Or am I imagining things? What you gonna do when the lake goes dry Gonna sit on the bank and watch the crawdads Mother Nature left her own imagination in your die chromosomes Honey, baby mine. The typical tornado his imagination runs to mobile homes Get up, Sue, you slept too late, honey The bolt of lightning lies around imagining a Get up, Sue, you slept too late, babe golfer on a green Get up, Sue, you slept too late, I imagine calling you without I have to talk to That crawdad man's done passed your gate your machine Honey, baby mine.

Crawdad Song (Version 1) Standin' on the corner with a dollar in my hand, honey Southern Standin' on the corner with a dollar in my hand, get a line and I'll get a pole, Honey, babe Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 17

Standin' on the corner with a dollar in my hand Come stop your crying Standin' there waitin' for the crawdad man I'll be all right Honey, baby mine. Just zip your tent flap Zip it tight Danny Boy Yes, there is wildlife Traditional All around you Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling, And yes, it's dark, From glen to glen and down the mountain side; And you're scared The summer's gone, and all the leaves are falling; You come from city life and waterbeds 'Tis ye, 'tis ye must go, and I must bide. Hot running water and flushing heads My barn and cabin doors can't be broken But come ye back when summer's in the You can't stay there, don't you see meadow, To join in this event Or when the valley's hushed and white with You must stay in a tent snow; Your tears won't make a dent 'Til I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow; On me Danny boy, Oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And when ye come and all the flowers are dying, If I am dead, as dead I well may be. Be A Man Ye'll come and find the place where I am lying, And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me. To the tune of “Be A Man” from Pocahontus Let's get down to business And I shall hear, 'though soft ye tread around Cook those dogs and buns me, You signed the duty roster And all my grave shall linger sweeter be, Now your work's begun Then ye will bend and tell me that ye love me, And I shall sleep in peace until ye come to me. It's the saddest lunch I ever saw But you can bet before we're through Somehow I'll make a meal out of you Disney Does Midsummerfest Peformed by Cathy Concannon at MSF 2002 I'm never going to chew this up Say goodbye to those who knew me Why was I such a fool for digging in? A Whole New World To the tune of “A Whole New World” from Aladdin Be a man I could show you a pond (Be a man) Shining, shimmering, splendid You’ve got to eat all the food we bring you Tell me my friend now when did you last take (Be a man) A three hour drive No matter who the day’s chef might be He may even fill the grill with firewood I could give you a tire You’ll eat and then hope Carla’s cooking soon. Float it on some calm water Then over sideways and under on a Near death experience ride Get On Stage A whole new world One hundred acres to explore To the tune of “Go The Disatance” from Hercules I'll mark your every trail I have often dreamed I'll send e-mail Of a far-off place Just let me share my whole new world Where a great, warm campfire is waiting for me With you Then the dream would change To a dark nightmare And a voice keeps saying, "Girl, you've got to get onstage."

You’ll Be in My Tent I must find an act To the tune of “You’ll Be in My Heart” from Tarzan Even with no talent 18 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest But they say Oo, oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo You don't need taste or tact Don't worry I could play the spoons or sing Barney tunes Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo People do 'most anything to earn a Travesty Be happy mug. Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo Don't worry, be happy Danny's Song {Refrain} Kenny Loggins People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one Ain't got no place to lay your head And we've just begun, think I'm gonna have a Somebody came and took your bed son Don't worry, be happy He will be like she and me, as free as a dove The landlord say your rent is late Conceived in love, sun is gonna shine above He may have to litigate Don't worry, be happy {Refrain} Look at me, I'm happy And even though we ain't got money I'm so in love with ya, honey {Refrain} And everything will bring a chain of love Give you my phone number And in the mornin' when I rise When you worry, call me, I make you happy You bring a tear of joy to my eyes And tell me, everything is gonna be alright {Refrain}

Seems as though a month ago I was Beta-Chi Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style Never got high, oh, I was a sorry guy Ain't got no gal to make you smile And now a smile, a face, a girl that shares my But don't worry, be happy name 'Cause when you worry, your face will frown Now I'm through with the game, this boy will And that will bring everyody down never be the same So don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy now {Refrain} {Refrain} Pisces, Virgo rising is a very good sign Strong and kind, and the little boy is mine {Refrain} Now I see a family where the once was none Now we've just begun, yeah we're gonna fly to Now there, is this song I wrote the sun I hope you learned it note for note Like good little children {Refrain} Don't worry, be happy Listen to what I say Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup In your life expect some trouble Drink it up, love her and she'll bring you luck When you worry you make it double And if you find she helps your mind, buddy, take Don't worry, be happy, be happy now her home Try to earn what lover's own, don't leave her {Refrain, repeat, ad lib.} alone Don't Worry, Go Camping Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin and Steve Dubin Bobby McFerrin performed by Steve Dubin, Ian Dowell & Teresa Lyons at MSF 1990

Here's a little song I wrote All your friends have gone away, You might want to sing it note for note There's no one left with whom to play; Don't worry, be happy Don't worry--go camping. In every life we have some trouble When you worry you make it double Near Royalton there's a pleasant spot, Don't worry, be happy The dudes are cool, the babes are hot; Don't worry, be happy now So don't worry--go camping. Don't worry, go camping. {Refrain} Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 19

Don't worry, go camping. Don't worry, go camping. End of the World • Don't worry, go camping. Don't worry, go camping. by R.E.M. performed by Kirk Beitz at MSF ‘96 If you seek camping at its best, G C Then you should head for Midsummerfest, That's great it starts with an earthquake And don't worry--go camping. G Birds and snakes and aeroplanes The food, the games, the pond, the fun, C Are guaranteed for everyone, Lenny Bruce is not afraid So don't worry--go camping. G Look at me, I'm camping. Eye of a hurricane listen to yourself churn C Don't worry, go camping. World serves its own needs dummy serve your Don't worry, go camping. own needs Don't worry, go camping. G Don't worry, go camping. Speed it up a notch speed grunt nose street burn 'Cos when you worry the gnats do bite. C And that will keep you up all night, The ladder starts to clatter with dinner fight So don't worry--go camping. down height Bb The Travesty has just begun, Wire in a fire room represent the southern So sit back and join the fun, gangs And don't worry, 'cos we're camping. A In a government for hire and a combat site Look at me, I'm camping. {same as before} Lefty wasn't coming in a hurry Down By the Station With the furies breathing down your neck Echo Song Team by team reporters grapple trunk tethered Down by the station crop (Down by the station) Look at that low plane fine then Early in the morning Uh oh overflow population cornered (Early in the morning) But it'll do save yourself serve yourself See the little pufferbellies World serves its own needs listen to your (See the little pufferbellies) heartbeat All in a row Tell me that the reds are in the reverend in the (All in a row) right right? You patriotic patriotic slam fight right might See the station master feeling pretty psyched (See the station master) Turn the little handle G D Am (Turn the little handle) It's the end of the world as we know it Puff, puff, toot, toot G D Am (Puff, puff, toot, toot) It's the end of the world as we know it Off we go! G D Am C (Off we go!) It's the end of the world as we know it C/B Down by the station and I feel fine Early in the morning See the little pufferbellies Six o'clock TV hour don't get caught foreign All in a row tower Slice and burn return listen to yourself churn See the station master lock him in uniform Turn the little handle And book-burning blood-letting every motive Puff, puff, toot, toot escalate Off we go! Automotive incinerate light a candle light a motive Step down step down watching heel crush crush 20 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Uh oh this means no fear cavalier renegade With the man who takes me from this horse and steer clear leads me to a bar.” A tournament a tournament a tournament of lies The man who took her from her steed and led Offer me solutions offer me alternatives and I her to a beer decline Was a bleary-eyed surveyor and a drunken Engineer. It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) Godiva was a lady well-endowed there is no It's the end of the world as we know it doubt. (It's time I had some time alone) She never wore a stitch of clothes, just wound It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel her hair about. fine The first man who did make her was an Engineer, of course, G C G C G F But on just one beer an artsie queer had made I feel fine I feel fine Godiva's horse.

The other night I drifted nice continental trip to Ace Towing roams the Cambridge streets each find day and every night. Mount Saint Edelite Leonard Bernstein Towing cars and stowing cars to hide them out Leonid Brezhnev Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs of sight. Birthday party cheesecake jellybeans boom They tried to tow Godiva's horse, the Engineers You symbiotic patriotic slam foot neck right right said, “Hey!” Then towed away their towing truck, and now Engineers’ Drinking Song • the Ace must pay! D A Godiva was a lady who through Coventry did Rapunzel let her hair down for two suitors down D below, ride So one of them could grab a hold and give the G old heave-ho. To show the royal villagers her fine and pure The prince began to climb at once, but soon A came out the worst, white hide. For the Engineer rode up a lift, and reached G D Rapunzel first. The most observant man of all, an Engineer, A Caesàr set out for Egypt at the age of fifty three, of course, But Cleopatra's blood was warm, her heart was D A young and free. Was the only man who noticed that Go -diva And every night when Julius said goodnight at D three o'clock, rode a horse. A Roman Engineer was waiting just around the block! Chorus: D A Sir Francis Drake and all his ships set out for We are, we are, we are, we are, we are the Calais Bay. D They'd heard the Spanish rum fleet was headed Engineers. out that way. G But the Engineers had beat them, by a night and We can, we can, we can, we can, de -molish half a day, A forty beers. And though as drunk as ptarmigans, you still G could hear them say: Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum all day, and D A Venus was a statue made entirely of stone come along with us Without a stitch upon her, she was naked as a D bone. 'Cause we don't give a damn for any old man On seeing that she had no clothes, an Engineer A D discoursed, who don't give a damn for us! “Why, the damn thing's only concrete, and should be reinforced!” She said, “I've come a long, long way, and I will go as far My father was a miner from the northern Malamute. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 21

My mother was a mistress in a house of ill- repute. Princeton's run by Wellesley, and Wellesley's The last time that I was at home, these words run by Yale. rang in my ears, And Yale is run by Vassar, and Vassar's run by “Go to M.I.T., you son of a bitch, and join the tail. Engineers!” Harvard's run by stiff pricks, the kind you raise by hand, My father peddles opium, my mother's on the But Tech is run by Engineers, the finest in the dole. land. My sister used to walk the streets, but now she's on parole. If we should find a Harvard man within our My brother runs a restaurant, with bedrooms in sacred walls, the rear. We'll take him to the physics lab and amputate [Alternate: My uncle plays with little girls, my his balls. auntie raped a steer] And if he hollers “Uncle,” I'll tell you what we'll But they don't even speak to me 'cause I'm an do, Engineer. We'll stuff his ass with broken glass, and seal it up with glue. A maiden and an Engineer were sitting in the park. And should there be a Harvard man a-strollin' The Engineer was working on some research our Great Court, after dark. We'll fetch a pail of river glop and make him His scientific method was a marvel to observe drink a quart. While his right hand held the figures, his left The water of the River Charles can fix his every hand traced the curves. flaw, And the Engineers all drink it 'cuz it makes us I happened once upon a girl whose eyes were what we are. full of fire. Her physical endowments would have made M.I.T. was M.I.T. when Harvard was a pup. your hands perspire. And M.I.T. will be M.I.T. when Harvard's time is To my surprise she told me that she never had up. been kissed. And any Harvard SON OF A BITCH who thinks Her boyfriend was a tired Engineering scientist. he's in our class Can pucker up his rosy lips and kiss the The Army and the Navy went out to have some beaver's ass. fun. They went down to the taverns where the fiery I am a whore from Radcliffe and I fuck for fifty liquors run. cents. But all they found were empties for the I lay my ass upon the grass, my pants upon the Engineers had come, fence. And traded all their instruments for gallon kegs I'll let you rub my belly, or on Sunday fuck for of rum. free, But get off of me, you son of a B., if you're from An Engineer once stumbled through the halls of M.I.T. Building 10. That night he'd drunken rum enough to drown a An M.I.T. computer man got drunk one fateful dozen men. night. In fact, the only things there were that kept him He opened up the console and smashed on his course everything in sight. Were the boundary conditions and the coriolis When they finally subdued him, the judge he force. stood before, Said, “Lock him up for 20 years, he's rotten to An artsman and an Engineer once found a the core!” gallon can. Said the artsman, “Match me drink for drink, let's A graduate in chemistry went out to take a stroll see if you're a man.” Along the old Charles River bank, where all the They drank three drinks, the artsman fell, his compounds roll. face was turning green, That day he felt dejected at the bursting of a But the Engineer drank on and said, “It's only dream, gasoline.” 22 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest For he couldn't seem to find a trace of water in La dee dee, one two three the stream. Eric the half-a-bee. A, B, C, D, EFG A physics man from M.I.T. went out and drank Eric the half-a-bee. his fill, And then went to a strip joint 'cause he had Is this a wretched demi-bee some time to kill. Half asleep upon my knee? The motions that he witnessed there excited all Some freak from a menagerie? his nerves, No! It's Eric the half-a-bee. And he filled eleven napkins with equations of the curves. A fiddle-de-dum, a fiddle-de-dee Eric the half-a-bee. The bravest souls at M.I.T. are those in A.P.O. Ho ho ho, tee hee hee There is no place on earth, or off, that they won't Eric the half-bee. dare to go. They're just a bunch of volunteers, and happy I love this hive employee with their lot, Bisected accidentally For they know they're here to serve you, if you One summer afternoon by me. want them to or not. I love him carnally. He loves him carnally. An MIT surveyor once found the gates of Hell Semi-carnally. He looked the devil in the eye and said "You're looking well," The end. The devil looked right back at him, and said "Why visit me - Cyril Connelly? You've been through Hell already; you went to No, semi-carnally! MIT!" Ohhhh Cyril Connelly... Fornication, copulation, penetration, fuck, Blow job, hand job, rim job, ream job, Every Sperm is Sacred cunnilingus, suck, Eating beaver, dipping wick, slipping up the rear: Monty Python These words don’t mean a thing to me ‘cause There are Jews in the world, there are Buddists I’m an Engineer. There are Hindus and Mormons and then There are those that follow Mohammad, but I wandered into Simmons quite accidentally I've never been one of them And at the door a Simmons whore stopped and said to me I'm a Roman Catholic “You’ve really got a lot of nerve pursuing a And have been since before I was born degree And the one thing they say about Catholics is At a place where all the men belong to us like They'll take you as soon as you're warm M.I.T.” You don't have to be a six footer Eric the Half-a-bee You don't have to have a great brain You don't have to have any clothes on by Monty Python You're a Catholic the moment Dad came, Take it away, Eric the Orchestra Leader! because A-one, a-two, a-one two three four... {Refrain 1} (spoken) Every sperm is sacred Half a bee must philosophically Every sperm is great Ipso facto, half not-be. If a sperm is wasted But half the be has got to be, God gets quite irate vis-a-vis it's entity. Do you see? {Refrain 1} But can a bee be said to be Or not to be an entire bee Let the heathen spill theirs When half the bee is not a bee On the dusty ground Due to some ancient injury? God shall make them pay for Singing... Each sperm that can't be found Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 23

{Refrain 2} God bless America, and Old Glory too! Every sperm is wanted May she always wave o'er us with the red, white, Every sperm is good and existential blues! Every sperm is needed Hey, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, In your neighborhood Ba-be-de-ding-dong-existential blues. Hey, you can do what you want but lay off my Hindu, Taoist, Morman existential blues! Spill theirs just anywhere My blue suede existential blues! But God loves those who treat their Semen with more care Spoken: I was on a quest! To dream the impossible dream {Refrain 1} Walking down the road again, doo-dah, doo- dah, {Refrain 2} And I met these little people, little people Little people all around me Every sperm is useful Who looked up at me and said, "Hey, mister, are Every sperm is fine you tall?" God needs everybody's I said, "Yes, I'm tall, but who are you weird little Mine, and mine, and mine wonders?" Who looked up at me with their big, red, Let the pagans spill theirs bloodshot eyes and said: O'er mountain, hill and plain We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids God shall strike them down for The lollipop kids, Each sperm that's spilt in vain We are the lollipop kids! We'd like to welcome you to Munchkinland! {Refrain 2} I said, "Hey, weird little wonders, I'm on a quest To dream the impossible dream, {Refrain 1} Walking down the road again, doo-dah, doo- dah, Existential Blues Tell me, where do I go, who do I see?" They said, "Slow down, mister, in order to By Tom "T-Bone” Stankus proceed, one must go see The elusive butterfly has just tiptoed past my THE WIZARD!" door I said, "THE WIZARD? Well, where does this My buddy likes the Yankees; he says "Hey, T- wizard, old-wise-one, live?" Bone, what's the score?" They said, "You see that big, green, glow-in-the- I say, "Well, Reggie got 1 in 1 in 3, and 25 is 6 to dark house up on the hill?" 4." I said, "Yes, I see that big, green, glow-in-the- Is a left-wing really pinko? Colonel Sanders, dark house up on the hill." what a bore! "Well, there's a big, dark forest between you and You ask so many questions, what answers the big, green, glow-in-the-dark house up on should I choose? the hill Is this schizoid paranoia, or just existential And a little old lady on a Hoover vacuum going blues? 'I'll get you, my little pretty, and your little dog, Toto, too!' ." The amenities of life have been chasing my I don't even have a little dog, Toto. soul, Such predicaments I must forge ahead And my mind is transcendental, and I'm losing To dream the impossible dream all control, Walking down the road again, doo-dah, doo- And I'm sinking in the quagmire of illusion and dah. Thoreau, I said, "I can handle the little old lady, I can I cry out, "My name is T-Bone!" as a hound dog handle the forest digs a hole. But the very strange road you're sending me You ask so many questions, what answers down! should I choose? I've seen yellow stripes in the middle of the road Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies, or just existential before, kids, blues? But, uh, never quite that wide!" All right, tighten your shorts and sing like the Sailing, sailing, what is illusion? What is tru-uth? Duke. Sailing, sailing, over the existential blues. Follow the yellow brick road (Come on) 24 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Follow the yellow brick road (Everybody sing) Lord, o lord, I've been through hell!" Follow, follow, follow, follow, He said, "Slow down, son, relax." Follow the yellow brick road I said, "But, wizard, I have come so far to find If ever a wonderful wiz there was the truth of life!" The Wizard of Oz is one because He said, "Slow down, son, you've got me all Because, because, because, because, because, wrong. You see, how can I put this to you. Because of the wonderful things he does I've been sitting in this field for a long time, La-la-la-la-la-la-la, ha-ha! myself, and I've come to find the only truth is You're off to see the wizard here in this bottle." The wonderful Wizard of Oz! I said, "Wizard!" Whoa, I got a little tired of He said, "No, truly, son. In fact, I'd rather have Walking down the road again, doo-dah, doo- this bottle in front of me than dah. A FRONTAL LOBOTOMY!" I got a little tired of walking down this blinding How profound, Wizard! yellow road So pulled myself off to rest in this field of Some girl with psychic power, she said, "T- flowers, Bone, what's your sign?" And they smelled - Whoa - flowers smell pretty I blink and answer, "Neon!" I thought I'd blow nice, her mind. I think I'll just stretch out in this little field of She's reading Moby Dick by some fruitcake named Herman, POPPIES! POPPIES! POPPIES! poppies! She's chomping on a knockwurst, was the (Cough) duchess really German? Whoa, I'm having a strange dream, man! You ask so many questions, what answers But the flowers smell so good, should I choose? I'm getting pretty tired, and they smell so good Is this really Butte, Montana, or just existential I'm just gonna stretch out again in this little field blues? of Really Butte, Montana? POPPIES! POPPIES! POPPIES! Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies? OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! Is this schizoid paranoia? Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy! (SNIFFFFFFF) (Star Trek-like sound effects) DOROTHY! DOROTHY! DOROTHY! (mumble, mumble) La-la-la-la-la-la-la, existential blu-uuu-uuues! Along came old man in an El Dorado II, screeched to a halt, Fast Food An old man with a big red nose Toking a bottle of Yukon Jack This is an action song the actions will be given at the Strolled up to me and said, "Son." end I said, "Old man, don't bother me. POPPIES, The tune to this is a ram sam sam MMMMMMMMM!" He said, "T-Bone!" Pizza Hut a Pizza Hut I said, "Wait a minute, this old man knows my Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut name, he must be Pizza Hut a Pizza Hut THE WIZARD!" Kentucky Fried Chicken a nd a Pizza Hut It must be the Wizard McDonald McDonalds The Wizard of Oz Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut Why have you come to haunt me? O, Wizard of Oz. A Burger King a Burger King I said, "O, Wizard, old-wise-one, I've been on a Long John Silvers and a Burger King quest A Burger King a Burger King To dream the impossible dream Long John Silvers and a Burger King Walking down the road again, doo-dah, doo-dah Red Lobster Red Lobster And I met these little people Long John Silvers and a Burger King We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, Dairy Queen A Dairy Queen They said follow the yellow brick road Chucky Cheese and a Dairy Queen Follow, follow, follow Dairy Queen A Dairy Queen And I got tired Chucky Cheese and a Dairy Queen POPPIES! POPPIES! (etc.) Roy Rogers Roy Rogers Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 25

Chucky Cheese and a Dairy Queen I want adventure in the woods And pathways, perhaps with compass and with Actions map But for once it might be grand *Pizza Hut - Make shape of a hut in the air. If we finished when we planned *Kentuckey Fried- Flap elbows up and down in the And could eat our dinners while we still could manner of a demented stand. chicken. *McDonalds - Put hands on top of head and bribg Colors of the Mind out and down to produce (Tune – “Colors of the Wind”) the "Golden Arches". I roamed the hidden high trails of the forest *Burger King - Put hands on head with fingers up to Come play a silly theme-game in the woods make a crown Just stroll along and take your time and wander *Long John Silver - mimic sword play ‘Cause the clues you gather won’t do any good. *Rel Lobster - hold up arms and bring fingers down on thumbs like lobser claws snaping Partner My World *Dairy Queen - mimic milking a cow (Tune – “Part of Your World” from The Little *Chuckey Cheese - mimic throwing up a pizza Mermaid) *Roy Rogers - miminc riding a horse Look at this stuff Isn’t it neat? Festerella & Friends: The Don’t you think my campsite’s complete Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl Princess Collection The girl who has everything Performed at MSF 2004 by Cathy Concannon Look at this trove Treasures galore How may wonders can one backpack hold? A Scream is the Sound Your Voice Lookin’ around here you’d think, “Sure Makes She’s got everything.” (Tune – “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” I’ve got bug spray, flashlights aplenty. from Cinderella) I’ve got sweatshirts and raingear galore. A scream’s the sound your voice makes You want granola bars? I’ve got twenty! When you break a nail But who cares? No big deal. I want more! Your maid won’t perform your chores here And no one believes you’re too frail I want a park ranger, handsome and strong. I’ll never get lost ‘cause he’ll be there beside me. You can pout and cry all you want but you’re He’ll make sure that my sunblock covers my stuck here back. No fairy godmother’s coming to you Out where I walk You must get used to soggy sneakers Out where I hike The bugs, the dirt, the creatures Heck, even in my campsite at night And people who won’t bow to you. He’ll be with me Naturally Once at a Latrine Out of this world. (Tune – “Once Upon a Dream” from Sleeping Fifty Ways to Hose Your Code Beauty) I know I walked with you once to the latrine by Paul Simon I know you, you ran straight ahead words by Al Pena To get there well before me (to the tune of “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”) And even though it’s true That it was a dark and moonless night The problem's all inside your code she said to Oh yes, I know you me; I know you were rude Recursion is easy if you take it logically. And that’s why I threw I'm here to help you if you're struggling to learn Your very best shoes C, In the latrine There must be fifty ways to hose your code.

I Want Adventure She said it's really not my habit to #include, (Tune – “???” from Beauty and the Beast) 26 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest And I hope my files won't be lost or B7-9 misconstrued; to be free; But I'll recompile at the risk of getting screwed, B7 Em Am7 There must be fifty ways to hose your code. there m ust be fifty ways to leave your Em Just blow up the stack Jack, lover." Make a bad call Paul, Just hit the wrong key Lee, Em/G D6 CM7 And set your pointers free. She said, "It's really not my habit to B7-9 B7 Just mess up the bus Gus, int rude; Em D#dim7 GM9+5 You don't need to recurse much, I hope my meaning won't be lost You just listen to me. B+ or miscon strued. She said it greives me to see you compile again. Em D6 CM7 I wish there were some hardware that wasn't But I 'll repeat my self at the risk of being such a pain. B7-9 I said I appreciate that and could you please crude; explain, B7 Em Am7 About the fifty ways. there m ust be fifty ways to leave your Em She said why don't we both just work on it lover." tonight, Em Am7 Em And I'm sure in the morning it'll be working just fifty ways to leave your lover." right. Then she hosed me and I realized she probably G was right, Just slip out the back, Jack. There must be fifty ways to hose your code. Bb6 Make a new plan, Stan; Just lose the address Les, C7 Clear the wrong Int Clint, You don't need to be coy, Roy, Traverse the wrong tree Lee, G And set your list free. just get yourself free. (on repeat: Just listen to me) Just mess up the bus Gus, You don't need to recurse much, G You just program in C. Hop on the bus, Gus; Bb6 You don't need to dis cuss much; Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover • C7 by Paul Simon Just drop off the key, Lee. G { Em/G base-fret 1 frets 3 2 2 0 0 0} and get yourself f ree. { D6 base-fret 1 frets x x 0 4 3 2} { CM7 base-fret 1 frets x 3 2 0 0 0} REPEAT CHORUS { B7-9 base-fret 1 frets x 2 4 2 2 2} { D#dim7 base-fret 1 frets x x 1 2 2 2} :Second verse { GM9+5 base-fret 1 frets 3 2 0 2 0 3} She said, "It grieves me now to see you in such { B+ base-fret 1 frets x x 1 0 0 4} pain; I { Bb6 base-fret 1 frets x 1 3 3 1 1} wish there was somethin' I could do to make you smile again." Em/G D6 CM7 I said, "I appreciate that, and could you please "The problem is all inside your h ead," explain about the B7-9 B7 fifty ways?" she said to m e Em D#dim7 GM9+5 She said, "Why don't we both just sleep on it "the answer is e asy if you take it tonight; B+ I'm sure in the morning you'll begin to see the logic' lly. light." Em D6 CM7 I'm here to help you if you're struggling And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right; there must be fifty ways to leave your lover, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 27 fifty ways to leave your lover." Found a peanut just now.

REPEAT CHORUS twice. Cracked it open, cracked it open, Cracked it open just now, Fire and Rain • Just now I cracked it open, Cracked it open just now. by James Taylor D C G It was rotten, it was rotten, Just yesterday morning they let me know It was rotten just now, D Just now it was rotten, you were gone It was rotten just now. D A C Su zanne, the plans they made put an end to Ate it anyway, ate it anyway, C Ate it anyway just now, you. Just now I ate it anyway, D C G Ate it anyway just now. I walked out this morning and I wrote down D Got a stomach ache, got a stomach ache, this song. Got a stomach ache just now, Am C C Just now I got a stomach ache, Just can't re ember who to send it to. Got a stomach ache just now.

Chorus: Called the doctor, called the doctor, G A D I've seen fire and I've seen rain, Called the doctor just now, G A Just now I called the doctor, I've seen sunny days that I thought would Called the doctor just now. D never end. Penicillin, Penicillin, G A Penicillin just now, I've seen lonely times when I could not find a Just now I took Penicillin, D Penicillin just now. friend. C C D Operation, operation, But I always thought that I'd see you a gain. Operation just now, Just now an operation, Look down upon me, Jesus, won't you help me An operation just now. make a stand, You've got to see me through another day. Died anyway, died anyway, My body's aching and my time is at hand, Died anyway just now, I just can't make it any other way. Just now I died anyway, Died anyway just now. Chorus Went to heaven, went to heaven, I'm walking my mind to an easy time, my back Went to heaven just now, turned toward the sun. Just now I went to heaven, Lord knows, when the cold wind blows it can Went to heaven just now. turn your head around. There'll be hours of time on the telephone line to Wouldn't take me, wouldn't take me, talk about things to come. Wouldn't take me just now, Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on Just now Heaven wouldn't take me, the ground. Wouldn't take me just now.

Chorus Went the other way, went the other way, Went the other way just now, Found a Peanut Just now I went the other way, Went the other way just now. Tune: Clementine Found a peanut, found a peanut, Didn't want me, didn't want me, Found a peanut just now, Didn't want me just now, Just now I found a peanut, Just now they didn't want me, 28 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Didn't want me just now. She did with heavy water and palladium Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron Was a dream, was a dream, Yeah, he had a stadium Was a dream just now, Yeah, she had palladium Just now it was a dream, Yeah, she was a Fusion Girl Was a dream, just now. Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron

Then I woke up, then I woke up, We made it together and it was so sweet Then I woke up just now, Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron Just now I woke up, Just a few neutrons and a whole lotta heat I woke up just now. Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron Yeah, it was so sweet Found a peanut, found a peanut, Yeah, a lotta heat Found a peanut just now, Yeah, she was a Fusion Girl Just now I found a peanut, Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron Found a peanut just now. Fuzzy Wuzzy Fusion Girl • Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear by Bill Higgins Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? G C I was working in the Fusion Lab late one night Was he bare? D G Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron Galaxy Song G C Monty Python But I couldn't get my magnetic bottle to light D G Whenever life get you down, Mrs. Brown Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron And things seem hard or tough And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft G C And you feel that you've had quite enu-hu-hu- Yeah, it was late at night huuuuff G D Yeah, it wouldn't light Just remember that you're standing on a planet G C that's evolving Yeah, she was a Fusion Girl And revolving at 900 miles an hour D G It's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron reckoned The sun that is the source of all our power Then I met a chemist who was kinda pretty The sun and you and me, and all the stars that Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron we can see She told me that she came from Salt Lake City Are moving at a million miles a day Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron In the outer spiral arm, at 40,000 miles an hour Of the Galaxy we call the Milky Way Yeah, she was kinda pretty Yeah, she came from Salt Lake City Our Galaxy itself contains 100 billion stars Yeah, she was a Fusion Girl It's 100,000 light-years side-to-side Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron It bulges in the middle, 16,000 light-years thick But out by us it's just 3000 light-years wide She said, "You're wasting your time, and you're We're 30,000 light-years from galactic central bound to lose" point Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron We go round every 200 million years "Let me introduce you to a new way to fuse" And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron In this amazing and expanding universe

Yeah, you're bound to lose The universe itself keeps on expanding and Yeah, a new way to fuse expanding Yeah, she was a Fusion Girl In all of the directions it can whiz Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron As fast as it can go, at the speed of light you know What Fermi did under a stadium Twelve million miles a minute and that's the Da deuteron, ron, ron, da deuteron ron fastest speed there is Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 29

So remember, when you're feeling very small Mr. Cheese: and insecure I do not like you Sam-I-Am. How amazingly unlikely is your birth Sam: And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere Well do you like green eggs and ham. up in space Mr. Cheese: Because there's bugger all down here on Earth I do not like green eggs and ham. Sam: Good Morning Merry Sunshine Would you like them here or there? Mr. Cheese: Good morning, merry sunshine, I wouldn’t like them anywhere. How did you wake so soon? Sam: You've scared the little stars away, I could see you in a house, eating green eggs And shone away the moon. and ham with a mouse. I watched you go to sleep last night, Mr. Cheese: Before I stopped my play, Maybe you can’t hear. You got something in How did you get way over there, your ear? And, pray, where did you stay? Sam: No! I never go to sleep, dear, Mr. Cheese: I just go 'round to see I’m gonna make this perfectly clear: My little children of the East, I would not like them housewise here Who rise to watch for me. I would not like them mousewise there I waken all the birds and bees, You think you can convince me, Sam? And flowers on my way, Sam: Then last of all, the little child Mmm-hmmm. Who stayed out late to play. Mr. Cheese: Not for me, Green Eggs and Ham. Great Green Gobs (Tune: Old Gray Mare, except the line in caps which Sam: is the melody to "Good Evening Friends") What is with you? This is some lean cuisine. Mr. Cheese: Great green gobs You’re nuts! Looks like green cuisine. Of greasy, grimy, gopher guts, Mutilated monkey meat, Sam: Dirty, turdy birdie feet! Well would you, could you in a car? Three whole quarts of Eat them don’t deny who you are. All purpose porpoise pus You’re gonna like them you’re gonna see. And I forgot my spoon! You might like them up in a tree. BUT I BROUGHT MY FORK!!! Mr. Cheese: No, not in a tree Not in a car, would you let me be? Green Eggs & Ham No mouse no house not here or there By Dr. Suess & Moxy Früvous Cause you got the problem Sam performed by Ian Dowell, Teresa Lyons, Steve Dubin, And I do not care for a jellied spam David Fagan & Kirk Beitz at MSF 1997 And I do not like green eggs and ham. Narrator: Sam: Slam it! A train a train a train a train Hey kids listen up if you want to be sick Would you could you in a train? Cuz your dinner looks like something from a Or up in an aeroplane? Cronenberg flick How bout in the dark? Think twice before you cuss and shout damn We could drive and park, damn damn we could listen to the crickets and the pit bulls Let me tell you a story about Green Eggs and bark. Ham. Mr. Cheese: No, not in a plane not in the dark There was a little yellow man called Sam-I-Am. Not on a train not in a car Not up a tree Cuz I don’t like them Sam Sam: That’s me! Not in a schoolhouse, or a shoebox With a housemouse or a red fox 30 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Not here, there and everywhere Mr. Cheese: Didn’t even like the Beatles with the long, long Nothing makes a crowd disperse more quick hair. Than a great big puddle of sick

Sam: Others: Hey you lay off the Beatles buddy. He’s gonna try it! He’s gonna try it! Mr. Cheese: He tried’em! He’s gonna spew chunks! I lay on whoever I want, buddy. Mr. Cheese: Don’t buddy me, buddy. Say! Others: Sam: C’est? That’s French! Well, you don’t like green eggs and ham. Mr. Cheese: Mr. Cheese: Oh Mr. Perception, Sam-I-Am. Say! Sam: Not bad green eggs and ham Well I know that you’d like’em if you’d eat’em I believe I like them Sam-I-Am with a goat Sam: Mr. Cheese: (Yay!) Not with a goat in a coat by a moat Mr. Cheese: Sam: I’d eat them in a boat, with a billy-goat Now would you could you on a boat? I’d eat them in the rain, in the dark on a train Mr. Cheese: In a car, up a tree Tennison wrote, and I quote They’re pretty good, you see. Sam: So I eat them in a box,, with a fox. Oh please! I’d eat them in the house with the house-mouse. Mr. Cheese: I’d eat them here, If you eat it you’ll bloat and float like a boat I’d eat them there, I’m not interested in stuffing face in the rain on a I’d eat them in my Calvin Klein underwear. train I think you’re OK Sam-I-Am I should introduce you to my friend pain. Sam: Sam: I wouldn’t let you down you stubborn old man. (Heyyyy.) Mr. Cheese: Mr. Cheese: Say, we should share them, eh? Not in the dark, not up a tree We got enough Not on your fine china with Earl Grey tea Sam: No boxes, foxes, houses, mouses, husbands Are you kidding? I don’t eat that suff! and wives Others: Yeah - no spouses The Grinch Mr. Cheese: Why you tryin’ to make me eat that? Dr. Seuss I don’t like it; I wouldn’t serve it to a cat You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch I said already I don’t like them Sam-I-Am You really are a heel I do not like Green Eggs, Ham You're as cuddly as a cactus Sam: You're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch Mr. Cheese You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel You just think you don’t like them So you say You're a monster, Mr. Grinch And you’re beginning to remind me of Doris Day Your heart's an empty hole You say you don’t like this and you don’t like that Your brain is full of spiders Well you’re starting to sound like a finicky cat You have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch Try them, try them and you may find that you I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half like nothing better than foot pole Two greenish eggs over easy in the frying pan And to accompany this fine taste You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch We have Martian ham, pork from space! You have termites in your smile Mr. Cheese: You have all the tender sweetness Sam! If you get out of my face Of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch I’ll try that and puke all over the place Given a choice between the two of you Sam: I'd take the seasick crocodile (Good!) Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 31

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch You're the king of sinful sots Singing toora-loora-loo, poodles You're a heart of dead tomato Toora-loora-lay Washed with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch The birds were sweet, had sugary feet You're a three decker sauerkraut and And the herrings sang where they lay. Toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce But now that I am an old woman You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch My herrings I eat with a spoon With a nauseous super "naus" My nose has been sold and my bottom is cold You're a crooked dirty jockey And the dish ran away with the moon. And you drive a crooked horse, Mr. Grinch Your soul is an appalling dump heap Singing toodly-oodly-umpty Overflowing with the most disgraceful And a-toora-loora-lay assortment My song's at an end, my marshmallow friend Of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up And I toodled my poodles away. knots The Honeymooning Couple You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch You're a nasty wasty skunk performed by Stephen & Rogina Jeffries and Your heart is full of unwashed socks Stephanie Hesla at MSF 1990 Your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch G D The three words that best describe you are, and A honeymooning couple I quote G "Stink, stank, stunk!" was in a bed room C Hello Deli Packing up to go away Am D performed by Kim Moore at MSF 1987 in the middle of June (To the tune of “Hello Dolly”) Em G7 all of a sud den C Am Oh well hello deli, this is Joe, deli. argument broke out Would you please bring me some nice corned G beef on rye? listen to the Bridegroom A box of Ritz, deli, and some Schlitz, deli D G D Some chopped liver and a sliver of your apple listen what he shout pie, D Some turkey legs, deli, hard-boiled eggs, deli, Man he telling her: Some tomatoes and potatoes you’ve French G D fried. You get on top Don’t be late deli, cause I can’t wait, deli. Bm Deli without breakfast I will die. That’s the way it must go C D G D The Herring Song I am your husband you know G D Copyright (c) 1993 Neil Gaiman and Lorraine yes he telling her you get on top Garland Em Bm When I was a tiny little girl Don’t make noise shut your mouth C D G I ate my herrings with gusto That’s the only way it will work out My teeth were bright and my clothes were tight Am D G Especially 'round the bust, oh. Better get on top, ting-a-ling-a- ling Am D G Singing toora-loora-loo, toddy Better get on top, ting-a-ling-a- ling Toora-loora-lay My bust was tight and my nose was long If you hear commotion, behind de door And I drank my fortune away. Somebody fall down, boop (?) on the floor Somebody shout out you squeezing me hard When I was a sprightly young lass Well this time de lady, she telling de man I ate my herrings discretely yes she telling him you get on top My hair was my own and my pelvis bone That’s de way it must be And the birds in the air sang sweetly. 32 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest I am your wife now you know C Em Dm Man she telling him, you get on top Back to the house at Pooh Corner by don’t make noise, shut your mouth one, That’s de only way it will work out C Em Dm Better get on top, ting-a-ling-a-ling You'd be supr ised there's so much to be Better get on top, ting-a-ling-a-ling G done, Don’t talk how they grunting Em C Em and they breathing hard Count all the bees in the hive, chase all imagine me outside, Am How I going mad the clouds from the sky Quiet as a church mouse F Em Am listening to this thing Back to the days of Christopher Robin Bbmaj7 Well this time de lady and Pooh she start to sing (if you hear she) talk C Dm Em Both a we on top, that’s de way it must be Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to And de husband said yes I agree (definitely) Am Both a we on top don’t make noise, shut your do mouth F G C G F That’s de only way it will work out Got a honey jar stuck on his nose Both a we on top, ting-a-ling-a-ling C Dm Em Am Both a we on top, ting-a-ling-a-ling He came to me asking help and advice F G C Now I ain’t no peeping tom, ask anybody And from here no one knows where he goes But two a dem on top, this one I have to see Am Em down by de keyhole, I went and put me eye Well, I sent him to ask of the Owl if he's What I saw made me laugh till ah cry there It was a man and he wife F Dm And the two ah dem on top How to loosen a jar from the nose of a If you see dem in this funny pose G you know de two a dem sitting down bear. on top a suitcase It was a suitcase they were trying to close Chorus Both a dem on top, ting-a-ling-a-ling Both a dem on top close de blasted ting F Em Am Back to the days of Christopher Robin F Em Am The House at Pooh Corner Back to the ways of Christopher Robin by Kenny Loggins F Em Am Back to the days of Pooh C Dm Em Am Christopher Robin and I walked al ong It's hard to explain how a few precious things F G C G F Under b ranches lit up by the moon. Seem to follow throughout all our lives C Dm Em After all's said and done I was watching my son Posing our questions to Owl and Sleeping there with my bear by his side Am So I tucked him in, I kissed him and as I was Ee yore going F G C I swear that the old bear whispered "Boy As our days disapp eared all too soon. welcome home" Am Em But I've w andered much further to day than Believe me if you can I should I've finally come back F Dm To the House at Pooh Corner by one And I can't seem to find my way back to the What do you know G There's so much to be done wood. Count all the bees in the hive Chase all the clouds from the sky Chorus Back to the days of Christopher Robin C Em Dm G Back to the ways of Christopher Robin So, help me if you can, I've got to get Back to the days of Pooh Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 33

How Much is that Doggie in the Window? And I hope you won’t mind too much my complaining! How Much is that Doggie in the Window First and foremost (Jack Will) There’s no water (Bark Bark) I can’t Shower, though I ought’a The one with the waggely tail? Lots of talk of Winnie’s Pooh How much is that doggie in the window, By the way that’s a big issue for me (Bark Bark) I do hope that doggie's for sale! too!!!

I must take a trip to California, Though it’s lovely And leave my poor sweetheart alone; It’s too quiet If she has a dog she won't be lonesome, And the doggie will have a good home. Need a cell phone, Good Luck, try it Forget e-mail, Or hair dryers How much is that doggie in the window, As for toothaches, we can fix them, (Bark Bark) The one with the waggely tail? we’ve got pliers How much is that doggie in the window, (Bark Bark) There is splatball I do hope that doggie's for sale! There is hiking I read in the papers there are robbers, Next I’m fearing, mountain biking With flashlights that shine in the dark; But don’t worry, Don’t dismay My love needs a doggie to protect him, ‘Cause I’m sleeping with someone And scare them away with one bark! known as Ben Gay How much is that doggie in the window, (Bark Bark) Come on Movers The one with the waggely tail? Let’s go Shakers How much is that doggie in the window, (Bark Bark) Let’s get out of Hundred Acres I do hope that doggie's for sale! Let me go, oh, please don’t make me stay I don't want a bunny or a kitty; I’ve been here ONE WHOLE DAY I don't want a parrot that talks; I don't want a bowl of little fishies; He can't take a goldfish for walks. I’ve looked forward to the food How much is that doggie in the window, About as much as being nude (Bark Bark) The one with the waggely tail? I’d a loved a rack of lamb How much is that doggie in the window, But you know what I got - I got spam! (Bark Bark) I do hope that doggie's for sale! To my dear host Hundred Acres Ian Dowell I have not thrown In the towel by Sally Burke MSF 1999 But as far as for next year to the tune of “Camp Granada” Don’t invite me, I’m vacationing in Tangier!

Hello Movers Hundred Acres (Part 2) Hello Shakers by Sally Burke MSF 2000 Here I am at Hundred Acres It is very entertaining to the tune of “Camp Granada” Hello Movers, Hello Shakers 34 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest I’ve come back to Hundred Acres Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep This place should come with a warning Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep If you think you’re okay now just wait til morning. Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep

First things first, the latrine. I'm a little acorn round There’s a new one, it’s pristine. Lying on the cold, cold ground When you use it, think of me. Everybody steps on me I helped build it, so you’d better use a tree! That is why I'm cracked you see

This year Ian promised honey. Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep A sad story, not so funny. Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep When the nectar of the bees Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep Was enjoyed by bears, not poohs, but grizzlies. I'm a little TNT There’s another thing that’s scary. I'm as cute as I can be It’s the fire pit, it’s quite hairy. I can sing and I can dance Might just bring you to your knees I wear ruffles on my (oops, boys, take another ‘cause it’s filled with frogs and toads and S – N – guess) A – K – E’S I wear ruffles on my dress

Other issues? Take this show Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep You get stage fright? Better go Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep They sing arias, do clever skits Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep If you don’t have talent, trust me, it’s the pits. Actions: Yes sir all you movers, shakers Honk: Pull your earlobe You’ve survived these Hundred Acres Rattle: Shake your head back and forth quickly But before you shout Hooray Crash: Hit your chin with the heal of your hand Remember you’ve all paid for one more day. Beep: Hit your nose with your fingers

Tomorrow’s Sunday, what’s for lunch Hunting Song, The • Bet it’s Spam, just a hunch Could it be any more fun? by Tom Lehrer Add a three-mile uphill hike in blazing sun. F I always will remember, After hiking we make things clean C7 The short straw does the latrine 'Twas a year ago November, One lucky camper drives home the trash F Cm6 D7 It won’t be me ‘cause I paid Ian extra cash. I went out to hunt some deer, G7 C7 When we sit down to Sunday’s dinner On a morning bright and clear. And we vote for tonight’s winner F F7 Bb Let me offer you my plea I went and shot the maximum the game When you vote for No. 1, please vote for me. Bbm laws would al low-- F C7 Hunk of Tin Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a I'm a little hunk of tin F Nobody knows what shape I'm in cow. I've got four wheels and a running board I'm not a Chevy, I'm a Ford F I was in no mood to trifle, Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep C7 Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep I took down my trusty rifle F Cm6 Honk honk rattle rattle rattle crash beep beep And went out to stalk my prey; G7 C7 Grandpa's beard is long and grey What a haul I made that day! It gets longer every day F F7 Bb Grandma eats it in her sleep I tied them to my fender and I drove them Says it tastes like shredded wheat Cbm home some how, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 35

F C7 Oh my god, that guy was fried. Two game wardens, seven hunters and a F Chorus cow. Hypothermia! It'll get to ta. E7 Am The law was very firm, it [Minor] E7 We're singin' this here song Took away my permit And god knows that it's gone on way too long Am G F E7 But we do it because we're that sort The worst punish ment I ever en dured. And believe me this verse is the last resort. Am It turned out there was a reason, E7 Chorus Cows were out of season, Hypothermia! Am C7 It'll get ta ya. And one of the hunters wasn't in sured. Your limbs will drop off And then your lungs will emit a stunning cough. C7auG F People ask me how I do it, Chorus C7 Hypothermia! And I say, “There's nothing to it. Byow, byow. F Cmin7 D7 It'll get ta ya. You just stand there looking cute, You will seize up when it is below G7 C7 Negative thirty degrees out there. And when something moves, you shoot!” F F7 Bb [Major] And there's ten stuffed heads in my trophy This saga is sad but true. Bbmin When he came in from the storm he was blue. room right now. When we asked him what had he been up to, F C7 He just was quiet - Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a That's because his lips were frozen shut. F F7 FDim Bbmin6 F pure- bred Guern sey cow Chorus Hypothermia! Hypothermia! It'll get ta ya. (The Theme from Midsummerfest) I'll advise ya. Words and Music by Mike Guenette and Kevin Don't go out without Cunningham [Minor] [Major] Anything on but your BVD's Once a fella there was named Dan. Or you'll catch some strange disease If you could but only understand - And it's bound not to please He was a little out of his head, Anyone except the Arctic fleas. He didn't wear no clothes, He didn't go to bed [Major] Oh let my saga unfurl Chorus He was a nice guy, he wasn't a churl Hypothermia He just forgot into his sleeping bag to curl It'll get to ya. What he needed was a cuddly, warm girl.

[Minor] Chorus Your clothes would drop off in the snow. Hypothermia! Your feet would get so cold and It'll get ta ya. You never know just what you'll see. I would know you see. Cause it got to me. [Major] One night he sat near the fire. To me. He urged his poor voice on higher and higher. It got to me. What he didn't notice is that everyone else had retired. (16x) |: C | C | F | G :| 36 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest (3x) |: Am | Am | Dm7 | G7 :| (1x) |: Am | Am | G7 | G7 | G7 | G7 :| Ice Cream (7x) |: C | C | F | G :| by Sarah MacLaughlin (3x) |: Am | Am | Dm7 | G7 :| Performed by Cinda Lavely & Beth Siers at MSF (1x) |: Am | Am | G7 | G7 | G7 | G7 :| 2002 Your love is better than ice cream (8x) |: C | C | F | G :| Better than anything else that I've tried (1x) |: C | C | G | G :| And your love is better than ice cream (1x) |: F | F | G | G :| Everyone here know how to fight And it's a long way down (8x) |: C | C | F | G :| It's a long way down (3x) |: Am | Am | Dm7 | G7 :| It's a long way down to the place (1x) |: Am | Am | G7 | G7 | G7 | G7 :| Where we started from Your love is better than chocolate (8x) |: C | C | F | G :| Better than anything else that I've tried Oh love is better than chocolate Hypothermia Everyone here knows how to cry It's a long way down copyright 1994, iii guyz fr. seattle It's a long way down hypothermia didn't think it'd be that cold It's a long way down to the place hypothermia i never thought i'd be so bold Where we started from... but i jumped into the water 'cause my friends said that i otter I Don’t Know Whether to Kill now i wish that i was hotter than i'm feeling presently Myself or Go Bowling performed at MSF 1990 by Erik & Eliot Nottleson, hypothermia the mist was rising off the lake Bill Burleigh, and Michael Stewart hypothermia i knew that this was a mistake but could i refuse the bravery I think my bed’s a bus stop the way you come wraught by simple foolish knavery and go no, my mind held total slavery The more I think of you, the less I think I know ...over me oh, the vista was a taste of paradise Refrain: but the scen'ry is cold comfort when your flesh For better or for worse but not for long has turned to ice Thank God and Greyhound that you’re gone hypothermia i jumped in like a water rat hypothermia don't know what happened after I’m outta gas and I‘m outta luck that Got four bald tires on my pickup truck well, i think that i blacked out then i came up and gave a shout Refrain hey, it's a thing i'm not about to do again the surface of the lake looked calm to me The best you ever gave me was the worst I ever but the shock that hit my body brought me to got reality I’d be singin‘ the blues but my electric guitar’s hypothermia can you choose your own shot mistakes? hypothermia can you face the pain that makes? Refrain will you stand upon the shore where your thoughts alone can soar I wouldn’t mind gettin’ burned if I be near the or is life a little more flame than simply watching from afar? All this pain wasn’t earned she took all but the hypothermia did i do it on a bet? blame hypothermia it's not so much that i got wet it's the low, low centigrade Refrain inspired me to this serenade and turned my body to this shade I loved her so much that I had to linger of aqua blue I gave her a ring and she gave me the finger Refrain Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 37

I‘m afraid to come home without no warnin‘ Stay out Friday night til Sunday mornin’ {Refrain, ending with} ...Yes, I love, I love, I love trash Refrain If All of the Raindrops I caught her lyin’ and I caught a train She broke my heart and she caused me pain If all of the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops, Refrain Oh, what a world this would be! I'd stand outside with my mouth open wide, goin' If I fall again I won’t get up so slow Ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, Them that ain’t got love just don’t know If all of the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops, Refrain Oh, what a world this would be!

You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay If all of the rainbows were Chicken McNuggets here and BBQ sauce, My VCR has my Dixie Beer Oh, what a world this would be! I'd stand outside with my mouth open wide, goin' Refrain Ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, If all of the rainbows were Chicken McNuggets Honey I love you, it’s been fun and BBQ sauce, Been a long time leavin’ be a long time gone Oh, what a world this would be!

Refrain If all the mosquitoes were nacho Dorritos, Oh, what a world this would be! Time for me to move out, time for me to fly I'd stand outside with my mouth open wide, goin' Take your tongue out of my mouth cause I’m Ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, kissin’ you goodbye If all the mosquitoes were nacho Dorritos, Oh, what a world this would be!

I Love Trash If all of the blackflies were gorgeous guys and Muppets cute guys, {Refrain} Oh, what a world this would be! Oh, I love trash! I'd stand outside with my arms open wide, goin' Anything dirty or dingy or dusty Kiss, kiss kiss kiss, kiss kiss kiss, kiss kiss kiss, Anything ragged or rotten or rusty If all of the blackflies were gorgeous guys and Yes, I love trash cute guys, Oh, what a world this would be! I have here a sneaker that's tattered and worn It's all full of holes and the laces are torn If all of the moonbeams, were popsicles and ice A gift from my mother the day I was born cream I love it because it's trash Oh, what a world this would be! I'd stand outside with my mouth open wide, goin' {Refrain} Ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, If all of the moonbeams, were popsicles and ice I have here some newspaper thirteen months cream old Oh, what a world this would be! I've wrapped some fish inside it, it's smelly and old If all of the snowflakes were lemon tarts and But I wouldn't trade it for a big pot o' gold cupcakes I love it because it's trash Oh, what a world this would be! I'd stand outside with my mouth open wide, goin' {Refrain} Ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, If all of the snowflakes were lemon tarts and I've a clock that won't work, and an old cupcakes telephone Oh, what a world this would be! A broken umbrella, a rusty trombone And I am delighted to call them my own If all of the pinecones were chocolate covered I love them because they're trash ice cream cones 38 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Oh, what a world this would be! If I Had $1000000 I'd stand outside with my mouth open wide, goin' We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner. Ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, (But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we If all of the pinecones were chocolate covered would, we'd just eat more. ice cream cones And buy really expensive ketchup with it. Oh, what a world this would be! That's right, all the fanciest Dijon Ketchup. Mmmmmm.) If all of the snowflakes were Hershey bars and milkshakes If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) Oh what a snow it would be! I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green I'd stand outside with my mouth open wide, goin' dress, that's cruel) Ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) If all of the snowflakes were Hershey bars and I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel) milkshakes If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) Oh what a snow it would be! I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?) If I Had $1,000,000 If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love By Barenaked Ladies If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 Performed by Cinda Lavely and Ian Dowell at MSF If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 2002 I'd be rich. If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house) If It's Raining If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) (to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It") I'd buy you furniture for your house If it's raining and you know it clap your hands (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman) If it's raining and you know it clap your hands If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) If it's raining and you know it then your clothes I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile) will surely show it If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love. If it's raining and you know it clap your hands

If I Had $1000000 If the mud is only knee deep, stamp your feet I'd build a tree fort in our yard. If the mud is only knee deep, stamp your feet If I Had $1000000 If the mud is only knee deep, and you wish that You could help, it wouldn't be that hard. it were hip deep If I Had $1000000 If the mud is only knee deep, stamp your feet Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there. (Wouldn't that be fabulous) If the wind is really blowing, shake your head If the wind is really blowing, shake your head We could just go up and hang out. (Open the If the wind is really blowing, and your permanent fridge and stuff. There would be is going food laid out for us, little pre-wrapped sausages If the wind is really blowing, shake your head and things.) Mmmm. (They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre- If the temperature is falling, rub your hands wrapped bacon.) Can you blame If the temperature is falling, rub your hands them? (Well, yeah!) If the temperature is falling, and your spirits are appalling If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) If the temperature is falling, rub your hands! I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I Know an Old Woman Who I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an Swallowed a Fly emu) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) performed at MSF 1988 by Tom Meyer, Shannon I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them Sullivan, Andréas Harvey, Becky Sherman, Beth crazy elephant bones) Flannagan If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love I know an old woman who swallowed a fly I don’t know why she swallowed the fly If I Had $1000000 Perhaps she’ll die. We wouldn't have to walk to the store If I Had $1000000 I know an old woman who swallowed a spider We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside’r Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 39

She swallowed the spider to catch the fly I don’t know why she swallowed the fly If I Were A Moose Perhaps she’ll die. Fred Small I know an old woman who swallowed a bird If I were a moose and you were a cow How absurd to swallow a bird Would you love me anyhow? She swallowed the bird to catch the spider Would you introduce me to your folds That wriggled and jiggled and tickled insider Would you tell your friends "No moose jokes!" She swallowed the spider to catch the fly If I were a moose and you were a cow I don’t know why she swallowed the fly Perhaps she’ll die. Would you invite me to your club And risk a cruel bovine snub I know an old woman who swallowed a cat Would you lead me down the receiving line Imagine that, she swallowed a cat And boldly boast "This moose is mine!" She swallowed the cat to catch the bird She swallowed the bird to catch the spider Would your parents watch us graze That wriggled and jiggled and tickled insider Shake their heads, "It's just a phase" She swallowed the spider to catch the fly Or would they thank the stars above I don’t know why she swallowed the fly Their precious heifer's found her love? Perhaps she’ll die. Would your grandparents change their will? I know an old woman who swallowed a dog They'd really expected a Holstein bull What a hog to swallow a dog "For this we toiled before the plow - She swallowed the dog to catch the cat You bring home someone who's not even a cow. She swallowed the cat to catch the bird She swallowed the bird to catch the spider There's lots of proper stock around That wriggled and jiggled and tickled insider Like that nice young Guernsey at Farmer She swallowed the spider to catch the fly Brown's I don’t know why she swallowed the fly Or that last one we ridiculed and cursed Perhaps she’ll die. At second thought you could do worse

I know an old woman who swallowed a goat But if you think this thing will last She just opened her throat and swallowed the Could he learn to moo and eat our grass goat Shed his antlers in the dirt She swallowed the goat to catch the dog Could you persuade him to convert?" She swallowed the dog to catch the cat She swallowed the cat to catch the bird If our anatomies did not quite fit She swallowed the bird to catch the spider Would you make the best of it That wriggled and jiggled and tickled insider Would you nuzzle up so near She swallowed the spider to catch the fly And hum sweet cow tunes in my ear? I don’t know why she swallowed the fly Perhaps she’ll die. Or would you sadly break it off When all the hillside sneered and scoffed I know an old woman who swallowed a cow. "You know these moose are all the same I don’t know how she swallowed a cow. They're lazy, they're stupid, they come from She swallowed the cow to catch the goat Maine" She swallowed the goat to catch the dog She swallowed the dog to catch the cat It's true things slip a moose's mind She swallowed the cat to catch the bird That cows remember all the time She swallowed the bird to catch the spider Bulbous nose and knobby knees That wriggled and jiggled and tickled insider A coat that harbors ticks and fleas She swallowed the spider to catch the fly I don’t know why she swallowed the fly But a moose can be a handy thing Perhaps she’ll die. When hungry wolves come visiting In icy gust of winter storm I know an old woman who swallowed a horse Our fur is deep and dry and warm She’s dead of course. And someday should your milk run dry And farmer stare with baleful eye In dead of night I'd slip your noose 40 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest And lead you home to the land of moose If I were a moose and you were a cow I’m A Camper If hunters came to do me harm Performed by Sally Burke at MSF 2002 Would you hide me in the barn I came up from the suburbs Would all the herd come on the run Went to Hundred Aker Wood And glare until they dropped their guns? Want to show you my true side Don't know if I should Might you permit a goodnight kiss 'Cause I'm a camper Could you learn to love wet moose lips? C-A-M-P-E-R If I were a moose and you were a cow If you were a cow and I were a moose I can set up a tent I can climb up a tree I Know You Rider • I can fill any need Just call on me Traditional 'Cause I'm a camper performed at by Chris Holm at MSF 1990 C-A-M-P-E-R Refrain: D C G I can dig the latrine I know you rider, gonna miss me when I'm I can kill all the snakes D I can hike all the trails gone; And eat Ian's pancakes I know you rider, gonna miss me when I'm gone; 'Cause I'm a camper F C F C F C-A-M-P-E-R Gonna miss your ba by, from rollin' in your D I just 'bout at the end arms. Of my little ditty And 'cause I'm the best Lay down last night, Lord I could not take my Please vote for me rest; 'Cause I'm a camper Lay down last night, Lord I could not take my C-A-M-P-E-R rest; My mind was wanderin' like the wild geese in the west. I'm A Woman (Jerry Leiber/Mike Stoller) The sun will shine in my back door someday; The sun will shine in my back door someday; Well I can wash out forty four pairs of socks March winds will blow all my troubles away. And have 'em on the line You know I can starch and iron two dozen shirts 'Fore you can count from one to nine Refrain: I can slip up a great big dip up of lard from a I wish I was a headlight, on a North bound train; drippings can I wish I was a headlight, on a North bound train; Throw it in the skillet, do my shopping, and be I'd shine my light through the cool Colorado rain. back before it melts in the pan I'd rather drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow Cause I'm a woman log. W-O-M-A-N I'd rather drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow Let me tell ya again log. I'm a woman Than stay here in Frisco, be treated like a dog. W-O-M-A-N Well I can rub and scrub till this house shines I know you, rider, gonna miss me when I'm just like a dime gone, gone, gone; Feed the baby I know you, rider, gonna miss me when I'm Grease the car gone, gone, gone; Powder my nose at the same time Gonna miss your baby, from rollin' in your arms. You know I can get all dressed up Go out swinging with the M-A-N Jump in bed at five Refrain Sleep till 6 And start all over again Cause I'm a woman W-O-M-A-N Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 41

Let me tell ya again I'm a woman Into the Air, Junior Birdmen W-O-M-A-N Well now if you come to me sick you know that I'm gonna make you well Into the air, junior birdmen And if you come to me all hexed up you know Into the air, upside down; I'm gonna break the spell Into the air, junior birdmen And if you come to me hungry, you know Keep your nose up in the brown; I'll feed ya full of my grits And when you see all those birdmen And if it's loving you want, I can kiss you and With their shiny wings of tin give you the shivering fits Then you will know the junior birdmen Cause I'm a woman Have sent their boxtops in! W-O-M-A-N Let me tell ya again Dowell family version: I'm a woman Into the air, junior birdmen W-O-M-A-N Into the air, upside down; (I'll say it again) Into the air, junior birdmen Well, I got a twenty dollar gold fee that says Keep your noses to the ground; there's nothing that I can't do And when you hear the great announcement Well I can make a dress out of feeding sacks That you can win your wings of tin and I can make a man out of you Then all the junior birdmen Cause I'm a woman Will send their boxtops in! W-O-M-A-N Let me tell ya again I Want to Kiss Her • I'm a woman performed by Ian Dowell at MSF 1990 W-O-M-A-N I'm a woman G C G I'm a woman I was ridin’ on a train to Austin, Texas I'm a woman D Yeah I'm a woman When a very lovely lady sat next t‘ me C When she got up t’ eat Immanuel Kant G Monty Python She asked if I would hold her seat A Immanuel Kant was a real pissant I was more than happy to Who was very rarely stable D Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar And now there’s more I’d like t‘ do Who could think you under the table David Hume could out-consume Refrain: Schopenhauer and Hegel C D And Wittgenstein was a beery swine I want to kiss her but Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel G She won’t let me There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya C 'Bout the turning of the wrist I want to whisper sweet Socrates himself was permanently pissed D G Nothin’s in her ear John Stuart Mill, of his own free will C D With half a pint of shandy was particularly ill I want to hold her be hind Plato, they say, could stick it away G Em Half a crate of whiskey every day Closed doors and more. C A Aristotle, Aristotle I want to kiss her but Was a beggar for the bottle D Hobbes was fond of his dram She won’t let me And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart "I drink therefore I am" When she returned she said she was an actress She showed me an album of pictures of her Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed opening A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's Which she’d been sittin’ on pissed 42 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest She seemed as sweet as she could be And sent him off to Davy Jones But I could clearly see All they ever found were some bones She was the kind of girl And occasional pieces of skin, of skin Who stole men’s hearts and wrecked ‘em Occasional pieces of skin.

Refrain One day when she had nothing to do Rickety-tickety-tin Well I’ll never forget that train ride down to One day when she had nothing to do Austin She cut her baby brother in two We shared a seat and we shared our tales And served him up as an Irish stew But as my heart tries to leave her behind And invited the neighbors in, -bors in, Regrets are all I find Invited the neighbors in. Cause I though I’d get that girl in the end And when at last the police came by, Refrain Rickety-tickety-tin And when at last the police came by, The Irish Ballad • Her little pranks she did not deny To do so, she would have had to lie, by Tom Lehrer And lying she knew was a sin, a sin Dm Lying she knew was a sin. A bout a maid I'll sing a song Gm Dm My tragic tale I won't prolong Sing rickety- tickety- tin Rickety-tickety-tin Gm Dm My tragic tale I won't prolong A bout a maid I'll sing a song And if you do not enjoy my song C Dm You've yourself to blame if it's too long Who didn't have her family long. You should never have let me begin, begin Gm Dm Gm You should never have let me begin. Not only did she do them wrong, Dm C Dm C She did ev'ry one of them in, them in, Isn't It Awfully Nice To Have A Dm C Dm Penis She did ev'ry one of them in. Monty Python One morning in a fit of pique, Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis Sing rickety-tickety-tin, Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong One morning in a fit of pique, It's swell to have a stiffy She drowned her father in the creek It's devine to own a dick The water tasted bad for a week, From the tiniest little tadger And we had to make do with gin, with gin, To the world's biggest prick We had to make do with gin. So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas Her mother she could never stand, Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake Rickety-tickety-tin Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend Her mother she could never stand, Your Percy or your cock And so a cyanide soup she planned You can wrap it up in ribbons The mother died with the spoon in her hand, You can slip it in your sock And her face in a hideous grin, a grin, Don't take it out in public Her face in a hideous grin. Or they will put you in the dock And you won't come back She set her sister's hair on fire, Rickety-tickety-tin. It's Not Easy Being Green She set her sister's hair on fire, And as the smoke and flame rose higher, Muppets Danced around the funeral pyre, It's not that easy being green Playing a violin, -olin Having to spend each day the color of the Playing a violin. leaves When I think it could be nicer being red, or She weighted her brother down with stones, yellow or gold Rickety-tickety-tin. Or something much more colorful like that She weighted her brother down with stones, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 43

It's not easy being green Swoosh! went the fan It seems you blend in with so many other And made the spider fall ordinary things Off went the fan And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're No longer did it blow Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water So the itsy bitsy spider Or stars in the sky Back up the wall did go

But green's the color of Spring The itsy bitsy spider And green can be cool and friendly-like Climbed up the yellow pail And green can be big like an ocean, or important In came a mouse Like a mountain, or tall like a tree And flicked her with his tail Down fell the spider When green is all there is to be The mouse ran out the door It could make you wonder why, but why wonder Then the itsy bitsy spider why Climbed up the pail once more Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful And I think it's what I want to be The itsy bitsy spider Climbed up the rocking chair It’s Over Now Up jumped a cat And knocked her in the air by Neinke Beuling Down plopped the cat performed at MSF 1996 And when he was asleep The itsy bitsy spider It's Raining, It's Pouring Back up the chair did creep It's raining, it's pouring; The itsy bitsy spider The old man is snoring. Climbed up the maple tree He went to bed and he She slipped on some dew Bumped his head And landed next to me And he couldn't get up in the morning. Out came the sun And when the tree was dry Itsy Bitsy Spider (Version 1) The itsy bitsy spider The eensy weensy (or itsy bitsy) spider Gave it one more try Crawled up the water spout ('Climb' up arm) The itsy bitsy spider Down came the rain Climbed up without a stop (Wiggle fingers down from head to waist) She spun a silky web And washed the spider out Right at the very top (Throw arms to sides) She wove and she spun Out came the sun and dried up all the rain And when her web was done (Raise hands above head, make circle for sun) The itsy bitsy spider And the eensy weensy spider Rested in the sun Crawled up the spout again. ('Climb' up arm again) The Juicy Moose Performed at MSF 2001 by Elisabeth & Alex Itsy Bitsy Spider (Version 2) Guenette Written By: Iza Trapani (each line is echoed back to leader) The itsy bitsy (or eensy weensy) spider 1 There was a moose named Fred Climbed up the waterspout He like to drink his juice in bed (repeat verse) Down came the rain And washed the spider out Chorus: Out came the sun I sing Way-Oh, Way-Oh (wave hands in air above And dried up all the rain head) And the itsy bitsy spider Way-Oh, Way-Oh, Way-Oh, Way-Oh (do the Climbed up the spout again twist) Way-Oh, Way-Oh (‘stir the pot’) The itsy bitsy spider Way-Oh, Way-Oh, Way-Oh, Way-Oh (link fingers Climbed up the kitchen wall in front and do breakdancing move) 44 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 2 He drank his juice with care He never will escape the truth But he spilled it on his hair (repeat verse) At times like this when the moon is right, When the air is foggy like it is tonight 3 He’s a sticky moose He’ll think about what might have been He’s a moose full of juice (repeat verse) If he had not let her slip away Gfrom him.

The Kind of Love You Never Am I read about a woman Recover From Cm Em by Christine Lavin Who said she never regretted anything performed by Ian Dowell at MSF 1990 she’d ever done A G C G Such arrogant words always seem to be I know a couple; she sits in a rocking chair spoken C Bm D D7 Working puzzles, he watches TV up stairs. By those who then die young. Em She’s got a secret she has never let out: So here am I, looking at you A7 D Oh tell me what are we gonna do A man she thinks he never knew about. Am I destined to be a regret? Are you that one I’ll never forget? G C She hasn’t seen him in thirty years G C Years from now will we curse the day The mention of his name doesn’t bring on You let me let you walk away tears Isn’t this too dear a price to pay Bm Em For the freedom of going separate ways. If you ask her are there any regrets A7 D This is the kind of love you never recover from She’ll tell you no but she never forgets. Don’t tell me that I’m gonna find another one to take your place C D/F# I never will escape the truth If was the kind of love you never recover At times like this when the moon is right, Bm When the air is foggy like it is tonight from I’ll think how sweet life could be Em If you would only stay with me Even though she found another one to Oh stay with me. Am take his place This is the kind of love you never recover from D Don’t tell me I’m gonna find another one to take She never will escape the truth your place C D/F# Try to face the truth At times like this when the moon is right, Let me hold you close tonight Bm E Am The fog is lifted and the moon is so bright When the air is foggy like it is tonight Think how sweet life could be She’ll think about what might have been If you would stay with me D Oh stay with me. If she had just held onto him. C D I know a man who has done it all This is the kind of love you never recover He’s sailed the oceans, climbed the mountains Bm Em of Nepal from He lives high up on the Avenue C D With a beautiful wife, lovely children too This is the kind of love you never recover G C G But there’s a woman he still dreams about from Certain things he’s learned to live without If you ask him, are there any regrets King of Spain He’ll tell you no but he never forgets By Moxy Früvous If was the kind of love you never recover from Performed at MSF 2001 by Chris Campbell, Ian Even though he found another one to take her Dowell, Steve Dubin & Cinda Lavely place Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 45

Once I was the King of Spain (now I eat humble Remember, slower pizza's more luscious pie) The King of Spain never rushes!!! Oh... my unspeakable wife, Queen Lisa (now I eat humble pie) Once I was the King of Spain (now I eat humble) I'm telling you I was the King of Spain (now I eat I was looking for off-handed ways to improve us humble pie) (now I eat humble pie) And now I work at the Pizza Pizza I'm telling you I was the King of Spain (now I eat humble pie) Royalty, lord it looked good on me And now I'm jamming with Moxy Früvous! Buried in silk in the royal boudoir or going nuclear free K-K-K-Katy Or playing Crokinole with the Princess of Monaco Words and Music By: Geoffrey O'Hara Telling my jokes to the OPEC leaders, getting it Jimmy was a soldier brave and bold, all on video Katy was a maid with hair of gold, Like an act of fate, Once I was the King of Spain (now I eat humble Kate was standing at the gate, pie) Watching all the boys on dress parade. A palatial palace, that was my home (now I eat Jimmy with the girls was just a gawk, humble pie) Stuttered ev'ry time he tried to talk, I'm telling you I was the King of Spain (now I eat Still that night at eight, humble pie) He was there at Katy's gate, And now I vacuum the turf at SkyDome Stuttering to her this love sick cry.

I can't wait, I'm lowering interest rates, my K-K-K-Katy, beautiful Katy, people say: You're the only g-g-g-girl that I adore; "King, how are you such a genius? When the m-m-m-moon shines, There's a roof overhead and food on our plates!" Over the cowshed, It's laisez-faire, I don't even give a care I'll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door. Let's make Friday part of the weekend K-K-K-Katy, beautiful Katy, And give every new baby a chocolate eclair You're the only g-g-g-girl that I adore; When the m-m-m-moon shines, Once I was the King of Spain (now I eat humble Over the cowshed, pie) I'll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door. Hey Clinton!* Hey Yeltsin! Got problems? You phone me No one ever looked so nice and neat, I'm telling you I was the King of Spain (now I eat No one could be just as cute and sweet, humble pie) That's what Jimmy thought, Now the Leafs call me up to drive the Zamboni** When the wedding ring he bought, Now he's off to France the foe to meet. Now some of you are probably wondering how I Jimmy thought he'd like to take a chance, cam to be living in Canada See if he could make the Kaiser dance, after being royalty in Spain. Should I tell them, Stepping to a tune, guys?*** All about the silv'ry moon, Tell us, King! This is what they hear in far off France.

You see late one night when the palace was K-K-K-Katy, beautiful Katy, asleep You're the only g-g-g-girl that I adore; Out of my royal chambers and into the garden I When the m-m-m-moon shines, creep Over the cowshed, And I wait till the appointed time, when the moon I'll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door. is lighting the pitch K-K-K-Katy, beautiful Katy, At which point my peasant friend, who looks just You're the only g-g-g-girl that I adore; like me When the m-m-m-moon shines, Arrives and we make switch Over the cowshed, Prince and pauper, junior and whopper I'll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door. World made up of silver and copper Out of my own volition, I took a change of position So next time you drool in the pizza line 46 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest My blood is running dry, Land of Canaan • My skin is growing thin. For every time you find yourself by Amy Ray You lose a little bit of me from within. performed at MSF 1991 by Bonnie Leonard, Ian It’s just a raging cycle, why can’t we Dowell, Teresa Lyons and Carol Barrette Bring it all to the end of the line? From inside this existence, sweetheart, G C Time is not on my side. You can go to the east to find your, (To Chorus and Continue to End) G C your inner hemisphere. ----- Landslide • G C You say we’re under the same sky, babe; by Stevie Nicks you’re bound to performed at MSF 1988 by Ian Dowell and Teresa G Lyons realize, honey, it’s not C that clear. C G Am7 G C I took my love, I took it down. I’m not your promised land. Ah, oh no. G C G G C Climbed a mountain and I turned I’m not your promised one. ----- Am7 D a round, I’m not your land of Canaan, oh, sweetheart, G C Am7 waiting for you under the sun. I’m lonely tonight, And I saw my reyflection in the snow G Chorus covered hills, G C C G Am7 I’m missing you now. Wanting your love Till the landslide brought me down. G C and your giving it out. I’m lonely tonight Oh, mirror in the sky what is love? G C Can the child within my heart rise above? I’m lonely tonight. I’m lonely tonight. Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? G C Can I handle the seasons of my life? --- -(Go To Verse 2/3 or continue on to the End) I’m not your promised land D7 G D Em G Well, I’ve been afraid of chang ing, I’m not your promised one. C I’m not your C G Am7 promised land, ‘Cause I’ve built my life around you. G C D7 G D I’m not your promised one. ---- But time makes you bold er; D Em I’m not the land of Canaan, Sweetheart, Even children get older I’m not your land of Canaan. C G Am7 I’m not the land of Canaan, Sweetheart, And I’m getting old er, too. DX3(Omit 3rd) G C G Am7 waiting for you under the sun. I’m Oh, I’m getting old er, too. lonely tonight. C--G/B--G/A--G Oh, take my love, take it down. Climb a mountain and turn around, And if you see my reflection in the snow covered Verse 2 hills, Well the meaning’s changed (for what its worth) Well, the landslide will bring it down. Its just a senseless game. I should think of love, but its fear every time I And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hear hills, Your heartbeat strain. Well, the landslide will bring it down, It’s not the fallen man, Oh, the landslide will bring it down. It’s not the call of time. It’s just the London skyline The Last Rose of Summer Telling me you’re not mine. (To Chorus) (Die lezte Rose) from "Martha" Verse 3 performed by Cinda Lavely at MSF 1993 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 47

I've been here one whole day 'Tis the last rose of summer Left blooming alone Dearest Muddah, Darling Faddah All her lovely companions How's my precious little bruddah Are faded and gone Let me come home if you miss me No flower of the kindred, no rosebud is nigh I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me To reflect back her blushes, or give sigh for sigh. Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing I'll not leave thee, thou lone one Guys are swimming, Guys are sailing To pine on the stem. Playing baseball, gee that's bettah Since the lovelies are sleeping, Muddah, Faddah kindly disregard this letter Go, sleep thou with them. Thus kindly I scatter thy leaves on the bed Little Bunny Foo Foo Where thy mates of the garden lie scentless and dead. Little Bunny Foo Foo, Hopping through the forest So soon may I follow, Scooping up the field mice With friendship's decay, And boppin' 'em on the head And from love's shining circle The gems drop away. Down came the good fairy and she said When true hearts lie withered and fond ones are flown, "Little Bunny Foo Foo, O, who would inhabit this bleak world alone? I don't want to see you Scooping up the field mice O, who would inhabit this bleak world alone? And boppin' 'em on the head. A Letter From Camp I'll give you three chances, Allan Sherman And if you don't behave I'll turn you into a goon!" Hello Muddah, hello Faddah Here I am at camp Grenada The next day: Camp is very entertaining And they say we'll have some fun if it stops Little Bunny Foo Foo, raining Hopping through the forest Scooping up the field mice I went hiking with Joe Spivey And boppin' 'em on the head He developed poison ivy You remember Leonard Skinner Down came the good fairy and she said He got Ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner "Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don't want to see you All the counsellors hate the waiters Scooping up the field mice And the lake has alligators And boppin' 'em on the head. And the head coach wants no sissies I'll give you two more chances, So he reads to us from something called And if you don't behave Ulysses I'll turn you into a goon!"

Now I don't want this should scare ya' The next day: But my bunkmate has Malaria You remember Jeffery Hardy Little Bunny Foo Foo, They're about to organize a searching party Hopping through the forest Scooping up the field mice Take me home, oh Muddah, Faddah And boppin' 'em on the head Take me home, I hate Grenada Don't leave me out in the forest where Down came the good fairy and she said I might get eaten by a bear "Little Bunny Foo Foo, Take me home I don't want to see you I promise I will not make noise, or Scooping up the field mice Mess the house with other boys And boppin' 'em on the head. Oh please don't make me stay I'll give you one more chance, 48 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest And if you don't behave I'll turn you into a goon!" There's a little red snake playing in the water A little red snake doin' what he oughter The next day: He frightened the duck and the frog so bad and he ate the bug and he said Little Bunny Foo Foo, "I'm glad that I'm a little red snake playing in the Hopping through the forest water, hiss, hiss, hiss" Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head Now there's nobody left sitting in the water Nobody left doin' what they oughter Down came the good fairy and she said There's nothing left but the lily pad The duck and the frog ran away, I'm sad "Little Bunny Foo Foo, 'Cause there's nobody left sitting in the water, I don't want to see you boo, hoo, hoo. Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head. Loch Lomond • I gave you three chances And you didn't behave performed by Ian Dowell & Teresa Lyons at MSF Now you're a goon! POOF!!" 1989 F Gm The moral of the story is: By yon bonnie banks, and by yon bonnie HARE TODAY, GOON TOMORROW Bb braes Little Skunk Song F F7 Where the sun shines bright on Loch (to the tune of "Turkey in the Straw"... mostly) Bb F Oh I stuck my head in a little skunk hole, Lo mond, And the little skunk said, "Well bless my soul." Bb F Gm "Take it out, take it out, take it out, REmove it!" Where me and my true love were ever Well, I didn't take it out, so the little skunk said, Bb "If you don't take it out, you'll wish you did!" wont to gae, "Take it out, take it out, take it out!" F Bb PEE-U-O-O!! On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch I REMOVED IT! C7 F Lo mond. The Little White Duck Chorus: performed at MSF 1988 F Bb by David Lyons, Harriet Kupferman, Tim Steele Oh, you'll take the high road, and I'll take the C7 Written in 1950 by Bernard Zaritaky (w) and Walt low road, Barrows (m). F Bb F There's a little white duck sittin' in the water And I'll be in Scotland a fore ye; A little white duck doin' what he oughter Bb F Gm He took a bite of a lily pad and he flapped his But me and my true love, will never meet wings and he said Bb "I'm glad that I'm a little white duck sittin' in the a gain water, quack, quack, quack" C7 F F7 Bb Am On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Gm C7 F There's a little green frog swimming in the water Lo mond. A little green frog doin' what he oughter He hopped right off of the lily pad that the little 'Twas then that we parted in yon shady glen, duck bit and he said On the steep, steep side of Ben Lomond "I'm glad that I'm a little green frog swimming in Where in purple hue the Highland hills we view the water, ribbet, ribbet ribbet" And the moon coming out in the gloaming. There's a little black bug floating on the water Chorus A little black bug doin' what he oughter He tickled the frog on the lily pad that the little The wee birdies sing, and the wild flowers spring duck bit and he said And in sunshine the waters are sleeping. "I'm glad that I'm a little black bug floating on the water, buzz, buzz,buzz" Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 49

But the broken heart it kens no second spring Party on the mattress again Party in the meadow Though the woeful may cease from their Party on the dragon greeting Party at Ron Rogers

Chorus The Love Hut is a funky old place where we can get together. Love Hut baby, Love Hut bay-bee. Love Hut, that’s where we’re at, • Love Hut, that’s where it’s at. Revised Lyrics by Ian Dowell, Jo Ellen Saunders, and Diane Sniezek Singin’ and a dancin’ Everything else is blatantly plagiarized Skippin’ and a strippin’ performed at MSF 1990 Wearin’ next to nothin’ cause we’re going skinny dippin’ Eb = 4 4 6 6 6 4 The whole camp shimmies F7 = 1 3 1 2 1 1 The whole tent shimmies Ab = 4 6 6 5 4 4 The whole camp shimmies when everybody’s movin’ If you see a faded sign posted high on a around & around & around & around tree that says Everybody’s movin’, everybody’s groovin’, C7 Gm7 baby 15 miles to the Love Hut ! Love Hut, Folks linin’ up outside just to get dry C7 Gm7 Everybody’s movin’, everybody’s groovin’, yeah, yeah. baby C7 Gm7 Funky little hut, funky little hut I’m heading up the Vermont C7 Gm7 Hole in my tent and it‘s as big as a whale High way So much for that sale Looking for the campsite everywhere. Let’s go in the hut, it sleeps about 90 Maps lost and I’m pullin’ out all my hair, Come in, pick a spot, and park your heine (hi-knee) I got me a tent and I bought it wholesale (pullin’ out all my hair, ) The Love Hut is a funky old place and it looked real good till we unpacked. where we can get together. (lost all my underwear, ) Love Hut baby, Love Hut bay-bee. I got a Hibachi, it feeds about 20. Love Hut, that’s where we’re at, (never gonna get there. ) Love Hut, that’s where it’s at. So, hurry up, and bring the starter fluid, Honey. Bang bang bang on the door baby (knock a little louder baby) C7 Eb Bang bang bang on the door baby The Love Hut is a funky old place (I can’t hear you) F7 Ab C7 Gm7 Bang bang bang on the door baby where we can get together. (knock a little louder sugar) Love Hut baby, Love Hut bay-bee. Bang bang bang on the door baby Love Hut, that’s where we’re at, (I can’t hear you) Love Hut, that’s where it’s at. Bang bang bang on the door baby Bang bang bang on the door baby Wake up ...wooo... where’s the latrine ! bang bang (on the door baby) Seems like 15 miles from the Love Hut. bang bang (on the door) C Bb C bang bang (on the door baby) Well it’s set way back in the mid dle of bang bang (you’re what ?) Bb Tent pole - busted the woods C Bb C Gm7 Love hut baby love hut Just a stinky old pit and I got ta Love hut baby love hut take a shit ! Love hut baby love hut Love hut baby love hut 50 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest (Singin’ and a dancin’, skippin’ and a Then why do these tears come at night strippin’ at the Love Hut) Lullaby and Good Night (Brahms' Lucky Lullaby) by Britney Spears Lullaby, and good night, performed at MSF 2003 by Emily Goldman With pink roses bedight, Early morning, she wakes up With lilies o'erspread, Knock, knock, knock on the door Is my baby's sweet head. It's time for makeup, perfect smile Lay you down now, and rest, It's you they're all waiting for May your slumber be blessed! They go Lay you down now, and rest, Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl? May thy slumber be blessed! And they say Lullaby, and good night, You're your mother's delight, Chorus: Shining angels beside She's so lucky, she's a star My darling abide. But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, Soft and warm is your bed, thinking Close your eyes and rest your head. If there's nothing missing in my life Soft and warm is your bed, Then why do these tears come at night Close your eyes and rest your head.

Lost in an image, in a dream Sleepyhead, close your eyes. But there's no one there to wake her up Mother's right here beside you. And the world is spinning, and she keeps on I'll protect you from harm, winning You will wake in my arms. But tell me what happens when it stops? Guardian angels are near, They go So sleep on, with no fear. “sIsn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?" Guardian angels are near, And they say So sleep on, with no fear.

Chorus: Lullaby, and sleep tight. She's so lucky, she's a star Hush! My darling is sleeping, But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, On his sheets white as cream, thinking With his head full of dreams. If there's nothing missing in my life When the sky's bright with dawn, Then why do these tears come at night He will wake in the morning. When noontide warms the world, "Best actress, and the winner is...Lucky!" He will frolic in the sun. "I'm Roger Johnson for Pop News standing outside the arena waiting for Lucky" The Lumberjack Song "Oh my god...here she comes!" by Monty Python, Esq. Isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl? Leaping from tree to tree... She is so lucky, but why does she cry? As they float down the mighty rivers of British If there is nothing missing in her life Columbia... Why do tears come at night? The giant larch... The redwood... The mighty scotch fir... Chorus: With my best girl by my side... She's so lucky, she's a star We'd sing.... But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, Sing... thinking Sing. If there's nothing missing in my life Then why do these tears come at night C F Oh I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK, She's so lucky, she's a star G C But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, I sleep all night and I work all day. thinking If there's nothing missing in my life Chorus: Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 51

He's a lumberjack and he's OK, Bm C D G He sleeps all night and he works all day. But I can't seem to find my way over G Bm C I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, Wandering I am lost I go to the lavatory. Bm C D G On Wednesdays I go shopping As I tra vel along the white cliffs of Dover And have buttered scones for tea. Many rivers to cross Chorus: And it's only my will that keeps me alive He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, I've been licked, washed up for years He goes to the lavatory. And I merely survived because of my pride On Wednesdays he goes shopping And has buttered scones for tea. CHORUS: C G Ensemble: C G Oh I'm/he's a lumberjack and I'm/he's OK, And this loneliness won't leave me alone I/he sleep/sleeps all night and I/he work/works C G all day. It's such a drag to be on your own C G G/F#m Em My woman left and she did n't say I cut down trees, I skip and jump I like to press wildflowers. why C D (n.c.) I put on women's clothing Well I guess I have to try And hang around in bars. Many rivers to cross Chorus: But just where to begin, I'm playing for time He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps There have been times I find myself He likes to press wildflowers. Thinking of committing some dreadful crime He puts on women's clothing And hangs around in bars? (Eewwwww!) REPEAT FIRST VERSE CHORUS Ensemble: Oh I'm/he's a lumberjack and I'm/he's OK, I/he sleep/sleeps all night and I/he work/works Margaritaville • all day. by Jimmy Buffet performed at MSF 1994 by David Allen, Ian Dowell, I cut down trees, I wear high heels, Steve Dubin, Jennifer Sydney & Mindy Wakefield Suspenders and a bra. I wish I'd been a girly D Just like my dear papa. Nibblin' on sponge cake Watchin' the sun bake A He cuts down trees, he wears high heels, All of those tourists covered with oil Suspenders and a bra. Strummin' my six-string I wish I'd been a girly On my front porch swing Just like my dear papa. D D7 Smell those shrimp, they're beginnin' to boil Ensemble: Oh I'm/he's a lumberjack and I'm/he's OK, Chorus: I/he sleep/sleeps all night and I/he work/works G A D D7 all day. Wastin' away again in Marga ritaville Yes I'm/he's a lumberjack and I'm/he's OK, G A D D7 I/he sleep/sleeps all night and I/he work/works Searching for my lost shaker of salt all day. G A D Some people claim that there's a wo- Many Rivers to Cross • A G man to blame by Jimmy Cliff A G D performed at by Chris Holm at MSF 1991 But I know it's nobody's f ault G Bm C Many ri vers to cross I don't know the reason I stayed here all season 52 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Nothin' to show but this brand new tattoo But it's a real beauty Oh! A Mexican cutie {Refrain} How it got here I haven't a clue A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you Chorus: Wastin' away again in Margaritaville Fernsy Dair and Treesy Dair Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt And Little Birdsy Dwormies Some people claim that there's a woman to A Kiddley Dwormies too, wouldn't you? blame Now I think Medical Love Song Hell, it could be my fault Monty Python Solo (based on verse chords and chorus) Inflammation of the foreskin Reminds me of your smile I blew out my flip-flop I've had ballanital chancroids Stepped on a pop-top For quite a little while Cut my heel had to cruise on back home I gave my heart to NSU But there's booze in the blender That lovely night in June And soon it will render I ache for you, my darling That frozen concoction that helps me hang on And I hope you get well soon

Chorus: My penile warts, your herpes Wastin' away again in Margaritaville My syphilitic sores Searching for my lost shaker of salt Your moenelial infection Some people claim that there's a woman to How I miss you more and more blame Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox But I know Our lovely gonnorrhea It's my own damned fault At least we both were lying When we said that we were clear Coda: G A Our syphilitic kisses Yes and, some people claim that there's a Sealed the secret of our tryst D A G You gave me scrotal pustules wo- man to blame With a quick flick of your wrist A G D Your trichovaginitis And I know it's my own damned fault Sent shivers down my spine I got snail tracks in my anus When your spirochetes met mine Other lyrics: {Refrain} "Old men in tank tops Gonoccocal urethritis, streptococcal Cruisin' the gift shops ballinitis, meningo myelitis Checkin' out Chiquitas down by the shore diplococcal cephalitis, epididimitis They dream about weight loss interstitial keratitis, syphilitic Wish they could be their own boss choroiditis, and antertior u-ve-i-tis Those three-day vacations become such a bore" My clapped out genitalia Is not so bad for me Mairzy Doats As the complete and utter failure {Refrain} Every time I try to pee Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy My doctor says my buboes divey Are the worst he's ever seen A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you My scrotum's painted orange And my balls are turning green {Refrain} My heart is very tender If the words sound queer and funny to your ear Though my parts are awful raw A little bit jumbled and jivey You might have been infected Sing, "Mares eat oats and does eat oats, and But you never were a bore little lambs eat ivy" I'm dying of your love, my love Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 53

I'm your spirochaetal clown Men, men, men, men. I've left my body to science Men, men, men, men. But I'm afraid they've turned it down Men, men, men, men.

Memory It's great to be on a ship with men And sail across the sea, o Performed in 1998 as part of “Broadway in We don't know where we'll land, or when Royalton” by Guenette/Schaffer Productions It's great to be with men. new lyrics by Carla Guenette, Michael Guenette, Rich Schaffer, and Eva Patalas (ensemble) It's great to be with men.

Memory, turn your face to the moonlight Cause men can sweat and men can stink Let your memory lead you And no one seems to care, o Open up, enter in We'll throw the dishes in the sink If you find there the meaning of what happiness And clog the drain with hair-o is Then the weekend will begin (ensemble) And clog the drain with hair-o. Memory, all alone in the spotlight. Will we finish by midnight? Men, men, men. We so often run long. It's a ship all filled with men. I remember the time we guessed what was in So batten down the ladies room the bag. There's no one here but I’m so glad they had no gong. Men, men, men, men. Men, men, men, men. Burnt out ends of smoky days The stale cold smell of morning. There's men above, there's men below The bonfire dies, another night is over There's men down in the galley. Another day is dawning. (separately) There's Butch and Spike and Buzz and Biff Daylight, I must wait for my breakfast And one guy we call Sally And my bladder is screaming But it’s raining again (ensemble) I can’t take it--I’ll cook the oatmeal myself. And one guy we call Sally. Guess it’s my turn to pitch in. Men, men, men. Sunlight through the trees in summer. It's a ship all filled with men. Endless running around. You'll never have to lift a seat, Like a puzzle that has no answer, There's no one here but The Adventure runs aground. Men, men, men, men. Men, men, men, men. Talking, it’s so nice just to hang out. We’ve gone through this together We're men and friends until the end Through the wind and the rain. And none of us are sissies. When the sun comes the Fest will be a memory At night we sleep in separate beds too And blow each other kissies. Till next year; we’ll meet again. (ensemble) Men And blow each other kissies. by Martin Mull performed at by Ian Dowell, Bill Walsh, Doug Men, men, men. Beevers and Spunky Legelis at MSF 1987 It's a ship all filled with men. So throw your rubbers overboard There's no one here but (individually) Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-mennnnnnnnnnnnn.

(together) Men, men, men, men. 54 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest C Michael’s Got a Baby • Cause now he’s got to figure out C by Fred Small How to take care of her performed at MSF 1994 by Ian Dowell & Steve Em F Dubin And oh everything’s inside-out C Am Michael’s got a baby Cause nothing really matters now G The baby’s name is E.J. More than being close to her. They call her the Potato It’s short for Little Potato C Cause what’s the point of worrying F About a bigger apartment? Michael and Carla E.J. doesn’t care Together made E.J. About a bigger apartment. C They still love each other F They’re just a little more tired. All she cares about Is making up noises C C Michael remembers Dibbling juices The first time she turned over Biting people’s noses. He left the room for a moment She turned herself over. Dm G It doesn’t matter what she does F F Am Dm C G E.J. likes to sing along That girl’s com plete ly loved. With the songs on the stereo C (whistle) You might not call it singing Shows what you know. C Cause what’s the point of worrying Em F About getting that big job? And oh Michael has photographs E.J. doesn’t care Am Folders of photographs About getting that big job. G Which he will gladly show you F Em F All she cares about And oh these are different from the ones last Is the kitty out the window C week The motor cycle boom-boom C Have you ever seen such chubby cheeks And being a potato. G I like this one best don’t you? Dm G All his sorrows fall a way C F Am Dm C G Perfect strangers When E. J. wants to play. Step up to greet her Nobody’s a stranger (whistle) Once they meet her Mickey Mouse Club March F Mickey Mouse Club! Mickey Mouse Club! He doesn’t yell at other drivers Who's the leader of the club Cause it’ll just scare her That's made for you and me? C M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! She’ll look at him wide-eyed Hey, there! Hi, there! Ho, there! Who is this guy? You're as welcome as can be! M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! Em F Mickey Mouse! Donald Duck! And oh everything matters now Mickey Mouse! Donald Duck! Forever let us hold our banner high! Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 55

High! High! High! But I’ll be back next year, cause I’m hungry for Come along and sing a song more. And join the jamboree! M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! Midsummerfest Blues (part 2) • Interlude: We'll have fun: we'll meet new faces! by Bill Walsh We'll do things and we'll go places! performed at MSF 1988 by Ian Dowell, Bill Walsh, All around the world we're marching! Doug Beevers, Gavin Dowell Who's the leader of the club (12-bar Blues) That's made for you and me? M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! I’m going up north, going up to Royalton. Now it's time to say goodbye I’m bringing my spam and I’m meeting some To all our family... friends. M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! There’ll be a tub-o-gorp there, and a keg-o-beer. ADDITIONAL INTERLUDES: Laying in the sun, there’s nothing at all to fear. We have fun and we play safely! Look both ways when you cross crossings: Rain on me sunshine, now brown my bod. Don't take chances: Play with safety! God help those poor souls in traffic on Cape When you ride your bike be careful! Cod. Play a little, work a little. Sing a song while you are working! Oh Midsummerfest God, where did my woman It will make your burdens lighter. go? Do a good turn for your neighbor. I’m here all alone with my dog named Joe. You can learn things while you're playing. It's a lot of fun to learn things. But old Joe got mange and old Joe got fleas. My woman had ticks, but stayed away from Midsummerfest Blues (part 1) • trees. by Ian Dowell Oh Midsummerfest God, don’t let it rain on us. performed at MSF 1988 by Ian Dowell, Bill Walsh, Joe will get wet and they won’t let us in the hut. Doug Beevers, Gavin Dowell (12-Bar Blues) Oh Midsummerfest God, don’t let the food run out. I’m going up north, going up to Royalton. ‘Cause in Vermont, there ain’t no take-out. I’m bringing my spam and I’m meeting some friends. Oh grinder, nachos, fries, sundaes and a shake. God, how long will a Domino’s pizza take? I won’t get up there til after midnight. My flashlight will break and I won’t have no light. I’m sittin’ on this dock, bangin’ out these blues No woman, no food, what else can I lose? I’ll get lost for hours, but eventually found. My tent will collapse and I’ll sleep on the ground. Oh no, old Joe, Joe just croaked in the leaves. I lost old Joe, but I still got those fleas. I’ll be woken up early by people shooting trees. The oatmeal will be cold and in the pond I will Oh promise me, my little flea, freeze. That you will never itch on me.

I’ll go hunt for treasure but find only a skunk. Midsummerfest Blues 89 I’ll boat across the pond but my raft will be sunk. By Jo Ellen Saunders & Diane Sniezek I’ll tell a great joke, but no one will laugh. performed at MSF 1989 Campfire smoke will follow me and I’ll gag and cough. So we had another beer And it was perfectly clear The rain will come down and my tent it will leak To the ’Fest we must go My poor weary body the mosquitoes will seek. But we ain’t got no dough SO we singin’ the blues I’ll go home tired, wet, cold, and sore. Just to tell you the news We sold our souls to be here 56 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest

At first we were sad (Refrain) But now we are glad Cause we got the cash Back from the woods none too soon We came in a flash Back to my warm comfy dry bedroom I broke that mirror that told me to do And now we are here Up to where the wild things grow. So give us a cheer My shrink he says it screwed me up bad Midsummerfest Blues "If you ever to again, you'll surely go mad. Midsummerfest Blues M-m-m-mad! M-m-m-mad! M-m-m-mad! " But I'll go again you know I will Midsummerfest Rap 87 Midsummerfest, that addictive thrill. By Bill Walsh (Refrain) performed by Doug Beevers, Ian Dowell, John Legelis, and Bill Walsh at MSF 1987 Midsummerfest Rap 89 By Jo Ellen Saunders & Diane Sniezek I rolled out of bed, slime on my tongue, performed by Jo Ellen Saunders, Diane Sniezek & Mirror said to me "boy you look hung" Chris Holm at MSF 1989 You look like shit and you smell real foul Go talk to that cat named Ian Dowell Listen my children and you will hear He’ll fix you up for a little dough Exactly how the hell we got here Take you to the place where the wild things We robbed from the rich grow We kept from the poor Way up north past LL BEAN And all Ian says is gimme some more Where trees and the water and the hut is green. We say, yo, baby yo G-g-g-green! G-g-g-green! G-g-g-green! Don’t you know We got to go Refrain Part One: To Mid Summer Fest!!! Oh you'll shit in the woods, and you'll walk in the woods and you’ll sleep in the woods So we sat down together and had us a beer And you'll feel real good, yah you'll feel real This was Sunday, the deadline was near good Situation was desperate, we had to produce Oh you'll reel real good! Then the beer kicked in and we start to cut Refrain Part Two: loose Midsummerfest - ooh - ooh (4x) We went downtown to check out the scene Brushin' my teeth, tastes like Crest There was lots of people who could give us Said I'm gonna go to Midsummerfest. some green F-f-f-fest! F-f-f-fest! F-f-f-fest-er! We just started rappin’ to see what would Water'd them plants and killed the cat, happen Said “man, that was one furry dirty big rat.“ Soon there was a crowd and they all started So left the house, note on the door clappin’ Sayin' be back Monday, went to the store. Found that Ian strummin' that guitar Clap - Clap - Clap .... Said leave it alone and you'll go far. Yo, yo, yo, yo baby yo — yo, yo don’t you know Packed up the truck: spam...beer...Parkay, We got to go And a songbook for that rainy day. To Mid Summer Fest!!!

It rained three days, Hate them tunes We stood on that corner day after day Hate them people, Want a harpoon. Pullin’ in bucks to pay our way P-p-poon! P-p-poon! P-p-poon! Tonight we’d like to sing a sample or 2 So you all can know what we’ve been through In my mind I feel real sick In my ear is a family of ticks. M.I.T. They're real deep suckin my blood Gotta taste better than that gorpy crud. (To the tune of "Let It Be") C-c-c-crud! C-c-c-crud! C-c-c-crud! When I find myself in times of trouble, Drops on the tent, smells real mean Charles Vest comes to me, Man we're close to that latrine. Speaking words of wisdom: MIT. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 57

And now I find I'm losing What's remaining of my sanity. Mr. Tanner I'm told that that's expected: MIT MIT, MIT, what have you done to me? by Harry Chapin I think that I'm OD'ing; too much technology. Performed in 1998 Kelly Marold And even though the night is cloudy There's a light that shines on me. Mister Tanner was a cleaner from a town in the It must be a laser: MIT. Midwest. And if the light proves dangerous And of all the cleaning shops around he'd made I'll go to the infirmary his the best. Provided it is open: MIT. But he also was a baritone who sang while MIT, MIT, computer running free hanging clothes. Athena's at the stem of everything I see. He practiced scales while pressing tails and I wake up to the sound of lectures sang at local shows. Some professor's telling me His friends and neighbors praised the voice that du/dh=BS - du(dt). poured out from his Although the course seems difficult throat. The catalogue says it's elementary They said that he should use his gift instead of Everything's so simple: MIT. cleaning coats. MIT, MIT, you weren't true to me. You promised me an education, and gave me But music was his life, it was not his livelihood, misery. and it made him feel so happy and it made him And when I'm doing a problem set feel so good. I find they're all too hard for me. And he sang from his heart and he sang from There will be an answer: MIT. his soul. I'll go and threaten the tool next door He did not know how well he sang; It just made And he will do them all for me. him whole. Cheating is so simple: MIT. MIT, MIT, I'm as desperate as can be. His friends kept working on him to try music out If a B's a bit too much I'll settle for a C. full time. I gaze at the towering building A big debut and rave reviews, a great career to And emotion sweeps all over me, climb. Standing on the campus: MIT. Finally they got to him, he would take the fling. How many times I've thought of jumping A concert agent in New York agreed to have him From the buildings that I see. sing. That is not the answer: MIT. And there were plane tickets, phone calls, MIT, MIT, you don't agree with me. money spent to rent the hall. A dome is not a home: MIT. It took most of his savings but he gladly used them all.

But music was his life, it was not his livelihood, Miss Polly and it made him feel so happy and it made him Performed in 2000 by Ronni Marshak feel so good. And he sang from his heart and he sang from (to be sung mit an “henglish” accent) his soul. Miss Polly had a dolly who was sick, sick, sick He did not know how well he sang; It just made And she called for the doctor very quick, quick, him whole. quick And he came with his hat and a stick, stick, stick The evening came, he took the stage, his face And he came with a rap, tap, tap set in a smile. And in the half filled hall the critics sat watching (rap three times) on the aisle. He looked at the dolly and he shook his head But the concert was a blur to him, spatters of applause. (shake head) And he said to Miss Polly, “You must put her to He did not know how well he sang, he only bed.” heard the flaws. But the critics were concise, it only took four (shake finger) And he gave her some medicine and a pill, pill, lines. pill But no one could accuse them of being “And I’ll call back tomorrow with the bill, bill, bill.” overkind. 58 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest We're out to purge the nation of its humanistic (spoken) Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, bent. Ohio made his A separate Church and State we've simply given Town Hall debut last night. He came well up for Lent. prepared, but unfortunately his presentation was not up to contemporary Don't get us wrong, we still believe that prayers professional standards. will save our souls. His voice lacks the range of tonal color But when we want them answered we'll say'em necessary to make it at the polls. consistently interesting. And talk about successes we're as pleased as we can be. (sung) Full time consideration of another We sent Jimmy back to Georgia. We moved endeavor might be in order. Bonzo to DC. He came home to Dayton and was questioned by his friends. We socked it to McGovern and to Culver, Then he smiled and just said nothing and he Church, and Bide never sang again, We'll stack'em up like cordwood cause God is excepting very late at night when the shop was on our side. dark and closed. And that was just a preview of nineteen eighty- He sang softly to himself as he sorted through two the clothes. What we've got planned is sure to put the fear of God in you. Music was his life, it was not his livelihood, and it made him feel so happy and it made him Cause we're the Moral Majority, you'd better feel so good. mend your ways. And he sang from his heart and he sang from When we get done with liberals we're going after his soul. gays. He did not know how well he sang; It just made And when they've seen the light we'll have to him whole. concentrate on Jews. But what with all these commies, it'll be so hard Moral Majority, The • to choose. performed at by Ian Dowell and Bill Walsh at MSF (spoken) 1987 I want to talk to YOU about HEAVEN. Y'know (spoken) some of us are goin' to get there, and some of And we must endeavor to permeate every facet us are goin' to get there RICH. But NO ONE of society... is goin' ANYWHERE on a skimpy budget. Amen. You are my SHEEP and as your SHEPARD I want to FLEECE, er, INCREASE your odds G C D for SALVATION. As the Good Book says in It got crowded in the closet so we're finally Philodendron 7.13, "YOU AIN'T GONNA GET G NOTHIN' FOR NOTHIN'." It takes MONEY to coming out. run this Church, the TV programs and my C G A Cadillac. D'you have any idea what just one We're thumping on our Bibles and building of the little pinky rings cost me? D up our clout. We never seem to get good press it's always C G filthy lies. We're all the Lord's lieu tenants and there's Why you call my wife right now and never C D proselytize. nothing we can't do. And if we burn a book or two it's cause they're C G D so obscene. To prove this we're now making our political And heading up our list right now is Penthouse G de but. magazine.

Em Cause we're the Moral Majority we're launching Oh we're the Moral Majority we're holier than our attack. thou. We'll ride the train to glory, cause we got the By God we're here to tell you what we will and inside track. won't allow. We've got the goods on ERA, SALT II has got to go. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 59

There never was the slightest doubt the Bible told us so. The Muppet Show Theme Song Muppets The MTA Song G C Kermit: Now let me tell you of the story of a man It's the Muppet Show with our Very Special named Charlie Guest Star, _____! G D7 On a tragic and fateful day. Females: G C It's time to play the music He put ten cents in his pocket, kissed his wife It's time to light the lights and family, It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet D7 G Show tonight. And went to ride on the M TA. Males: Chorus: It's time to put on makeup G C It's time to dress up right Well did he ever return? No he never It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show returned, tonight. G D7 And his fate is still unle arned. Waldorf: Why do we always come here G C Statler: I guess we'll never know He may ride forever 'neath the streets of Waldorf: It's like a kind of torture Boston, Both: To have to watch the show G D7 G He's the man who never ret urned. Muppets: And now let's get things started Audience: Why don't you get things started Charlie handed in his dime at the Kendell Kermit: It's time to get things started Square station, Muppets: on the most sensational inspirational And he changed for Jamaica Plain. celebrational Muppetational When he got there the conductor told him, "One this is what we call the Muppet Show! more nickel." Charlie couldn't get off that train. {Blatt!}

Chorus My Blue Heaven Now all night long Charlie rides through the performed at by Cinda Lavely, Teresa Lyons, Derek station Clark & Ian Dowell at MSF 1991 Crying, "What will become of me? How can I afford to see my sister in Chelsea, When whippoorwills call Or my cousin in Roxbury?" And evening is nigh I hurry to my blue heaven. Chorus A turn to the right Charlie's wife goes down to the Scolly Square A little white light station Will lead you to my blue heaven Every day at a quarter past two. And through the open window she hands Charlie You’ll see a smiling face, a fireplace, a cozy a sandwich room. As the train comes rumbling through. A little nest that’s nestled where the roses bloom. Chorus Just Molly and me Now you citizens of Boston, don't you think it's a and baby makes three. scandal We’re happy in my blue heaven. How the people have to pay and pay? Fight the fare increase, vote for Walter O'Brien, My Ding-a-Ling And get Charlie off the MTA. by Chuck Berry Chorus performed by Ian Dowell at MSF 1992 60 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest When I was a little bitty boy My grandmother bought me a cute little toy Verse 2 Silver bells hanging on a string She told me it was my ding-a-ling-a-ling. I'm looking over my dead dog Rover Who died on the kitchen floor. Chorus: One leg is broken, the other is lame, My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling, The third leg is missing, the fourth needs a cane. I want you to play with my ding-a-ling.My ding-a- No need explaining, the tail remaining ling, my ding-a-ling, Was caught in the oven door. I want you to play with my ding-a-ling. I'm looking over my dead dog Rover Who died on the kitchen floor. And then mama took me to grammar school But I stopped off in the vestibule My Favorite Things Every time that bell would ring Catch me playing with my ding-a-ling-a-ling. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens Chorus Brown paper packages tied up with strings These are a few of my favorite things Once I was climbing the garden wall I slipped and had a terrible fall Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels Fell so hard I heard bells ring Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with But held on to my ding-a-ling-a-ling. noodles Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings Chorus These are a few of my favorite things

Once I was swimming cross turtle creek Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes Man, those snappers all around my feet. Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes Sure was hard swimming cross that thing Silver white winters that melt into springs With both hands holding my ding-a-ling-a-ling. These are a few of my favorite things

Chorus When the dog bites When the bee stings This here song, it ain’t so sad When I'm feeling sad The cutest little song you ever had I simply remember my favorite things Those of you who will not sing And then I don't feel so bad You must be playing with your own ding-a-ling. My Favorite MSF Things Chorus performed by Meryl Brott MSF 2004 Your ding-a-ling, your ding-a-ling Raindrops on Adventures, a warm day of rafting We saw you playing with your ding-a-ling. Chocolate fondue and all sorts of laughing My ding-a-ling, everybody sing Bullfrogs that croak and stars that are bright I want to play with my ding-a-ling. These are some things at MSF that I like

My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling, When I cook out, when I eat gorp I want to play with my ding-a-ling. When I sing camp songs I know I am in a magical place My Dog Rover Where Festers and Ian Make a time great (Tune: I"m Looking Over a Four-Leaf Clover) And for this time I’m glad Verse 1 Mysterious Ways • I'm looking over my dead dog Rover That I overran with the mower. by U2 One leg is missing, another is gone, One leg is scattered all over the lawn. G C(no 3rd) No need explaining, the one remaining, Johnny take a walk with your sister in Is stuck in the kitchen door. the moon. I'm looking over my dead dog Rover G D(no 3rd) That I overran with the mower. Let her pale light in to fill up your room. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 61

G C(no 3rd) Bb F You’ve been living underground, eat ing She moves in mys terious ways. from a can. G C G It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. You’ve been running away from what you Bb F D G She moves in mys terious ways. don’t understand. Oh G C It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. G(no 3rd) C/G Bb F She’s slippy. You’re sliding down. She moves in mys terious ways, yeah. G C/G She’ll be there when you hit the ground. Bb/G F/G G C/G We move through miracle days. It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. Bb/G F/G Spirit moves in mysterious ways. She moves in mys terious ways. She moves with it. She moves with it. G C/G Lift my days, light up my nights, oh. It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. Bb/G F/G Never Say No She moves in mys terious ways. Oh. Book and Lyrics by Tome Jones G C Music by Harvey Schmidt Johnny take a dive with your sister in the rain. Children! Lovers! Fantasticks! Geese! G D Let her talk about the things you can’t explain. How clever we are, how crafty to know! G C To manipulate children, To touch is to heal. To hurt is to steal. You merely say "No!" G D If you want to kiss the sky better learn how to Oooh, dogs got to bark, a mule's got to bray. G Soldiers must fight, and preachers must pray. kneel. And children, I guess, must get their own way. The minute that you say "No." C G She’s the wave. She turns the tide. Why did the kids pour jam on the cat? C Raspberry jam all over the cat! She sees a man in side the child Why should the kids do something like that? G C When all that we said was "No." It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. Bb F My son was once afraid to swim, She moves in mys terious ways. The water made him wince, G C Until I said he mustn't swim... It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. 'S been swimmin' ever since! Bb F 'S been swimmin' ever since! She moves in mys terious ways, yeah. It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. Oooh, dogs got to bark, a mule's got to bray. Lift my days, light up my nights, oh. Soldiers must fight, and preachers must pray. And children, I guess, must get their own way. Gm/Bb C The minute that you say "No." One day you’ll look back and then you’ll Gm/Bb see Why did the kids put beans in their ears? F G No one can hear with beans in their ears. where you were held how by this love. After a while the reason appears. C/G They did it 'cause we said "No." While you could stand , there you could Bb/G Your daughter brings a young man in, move Says "Do you like him, Pa?" F/G G Just say that he's a fool and then, on this moment, follow this feeling. You've got a son-in-law! You've got a son-in-law! G C It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. Oooh, sure as a June comes right after May, 62 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Sure as a night comes right after day, A You can be sure the devil's to pay simple, so very The minute that you say "No." Eb Make sure you never say "No." simple, that G7 only a child can New Math • B/C C by Tom Lehrer do it!! performed by Stephen & Rogina Jeffries and Ainsley Beardwood at MSF 1989 Now, actually, that is not the answer that I had in mind, because the book that I got this problem out of wants you to do it in base eight.But 342-173=169 don’t panic. Base eight is just like base ten really- if you’re missing two fingers. Shall we You can’t take three from two, have a go at it? Two is less then three, So you look at the four in the tens place. 342eight-173eight= 147eight Now that’s really four tens, So you make it three tens, You can’t take three from two, Regroup, and you change a ten to ten ones, Two is less than three, And you add them to the two and get twelve, So you look at the four in the eights place. And you take away three, that’s nine. Now that’s really four eights, Is that clear? So you make it three eights, Regroup, and you change an eight to eight Now instead of four in the tens place, ones, You’ve got three, And you add them to the two, ‘Cause you added one, And you get one-two base eight, That is to say, ten, to the two, Which is ten base ten, But you can’t take seven from three, And you take away three, that’s seven. So you look in the hundreds place. Now instead of four in the eights place From the three you then use one, You’ve got three. To make ten tens... ‘Cause you added one, (And you know why four plus minus one That is to say, eight, to the two, Plus ten is fourteen minus one? But you can’t take seven from three, ‘Cause addition is commutative, right!)... So you look at the sixty-fours. And so you’ve got thirteen tens, And you take away seven, Sixty-four? “How did sixty-four get into it?” I And that leaves five... hear you cry. Well, sixty-four is eight squared, don’t you see? (Well, you ask a silly Well, six actually question, and you get a silly answer.) But the idea is the important thing! From the three you then use one Now go back to the hundreds place, To make eight eights, And you’re left with two, And you add those eights to the three, And you take away one from two, And you get one-three base eight, And that leaves...? Or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, Everybody get one? And you take away seven, Not bad for the first day! And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, Refrain: And you’re left with two, F Hooray for new And you take away one from two, C7 B7 Bb A7 And that leaves...? math, New Hoo Hoo Math A Now, let’s not always see the same hands. One. It won’t do you a Right!! Whoever got that one can stay after Dm7 G7 class and clean the erasers. bit of good to re C A7 Hooray for new math view math. It’s so New-hoo-hoo math, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 63

It won’t do you a bit of good to review math. Of course we should tell you, this technology It’s so simple, stuff So very simple, Its 20 parts substance and 80 parts fluff. That only a child can do it! During this time will you have sat We've taught 9 Harvard graduate courses in Norwegian Hot Dog Song 40 minutes flat. (Pølsefest) VMS, CICS, procs and VM performed by Torgeir Johnson & Ainsley Beardwood Let's talk strategic - it's us against them. at MSF 1990 Seamless interface, that's where its really at Pølsefest, But we really dial, no it’s a file that we cat. laved af hest We'll build an expert system cause we're no smager bedst fools spist med brød It'll make a million dollars with only 3 rules og kechup, I told Jimmy Olsen from AT&T hvis du har If you want to be a winner just stick with me. først en pølse, siden mange flere, til den sidste stoppes ned med magt - urrhg!! I've got 102 kids from top notch schools They're building awesome tools Hotdogparty Now we're management fools. made of horses Why don't you buy DEC, that would be sublime tastes the best And we'd run it for you in our spare time! eaten with bread Just do what I say, we can make it come true and ketchup And all I ask for it is a billion or two. If you have HUH! first one hot dog, then many others till the last one is pushed down with force - urrgh!! Oh, What a Beautiful Evening (to the tune of “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” from Octal Dump Rap Oklahoma) new lyrics by Michael Guenette By David Allen Performed in 1998 as part of “Broadway in performed by David Adams, David Allen, Alan Royalton” by Guenette/Schaffer Productions Norquist, and Katie Schmitz at MSF 1987 There's a bright moonlit glow on the meadow We're Run-VMS with the Octal Dump Rap. (dark cloudy pall)* We want to turn around and become a bank There's a bright moonlit glow on the meadow Now this may bother you intellectually (dark cloudy pall) But its vertical markets where we really want The ferns are as high as an elephant's eye, to be An' it looks like they’re climbin' clear up to the And then we want to go and turn around sky. And throw technology at the problems you've Oh, what a beautiful evening, found. Oh, what a beautiful night. The great French philosopher Dubonnet I got a beautiful feelin' Said “Add robustness and do it today!” Ev'rything's goin' just right. Whatever you give 'em,they're gonna want more So say “done boom” and buy a grocery store. All the festers are singing and laughing That reminds us of 3 key words: All the festers are singing and laughing Quality, leadership and respect we’ll blurb. Those who watch us suppose almost anything Now that we've had a little fun goes, Let's build it over night whoa boom done. And it makes you feel good from your head to your toes. Now wait a minute gang don't be so quick to go Oh, what a beautiful evening, I gotta tell a story about my wife MaryJo Oh, what a beautiful night. And we can't stop here there's so much left to I got a beautiful feelin' see Ev'rything's goin' just right. We run 3000 lines from a lap-top PC Huh! Huh! All the sounds of the woods are like music All the sounds of the woods are like music 64 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest As you run through the trees please don’t catch Where they cut down the old pine tree, TIMBER! Lyme disease, And hauled it away to the mill, tra, la, la! Or next year Ian charges us Lyme vaccine fees! Oh, what a beautiful weekend, Old McDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o! Oh, what a wonderful fest. And on that farm he had a dog, I got a beautiful feelin' (switch tunes) Being here’s what I like best. Oh where oh where has my little dog gone? Oh Oh, what a wonderful fest! where oh where can he be? He's home, home on the range, *use alternate phrasing depending on weather Where they cut down the old pine tree! TIMBER! conditions... and they hauled it away to the mill, tra, la, la!

Old MacDonald's Farm Old McDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o! And on that farm he had a Sweetheart... Performed in 1998 Elisabeth Guenette & Meryl Brott (switch tunes) Version One: Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you, Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-ooh! Let me hear you whisper, And on that farm he had a cow, e-i-e-i-ooh! Oh where oh where has my little dog gone, Oh With a moo, moo here and a moo, moo there, where oh where can he be? Here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo, He's home, home on the range, moo, Where they cut down the old pine tree, TIMBER! Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-ooh! And they hauled it away to the mill, tra, la, la!

Version Two: Old Mc Donald had a farm, e, i, e, i, o! Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-ooh! And on this farm he had a car, And on that farm he had a cow, e-i-e-i-ooh! (switch tunes) With a big cow, little cow, little cow, big cow, Fat See the U-S-A in your Chevrolet America is cow, thin cow, thin asking you to... cow, fat cow, Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you. Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-ooh! Let me hear you whisper.. Actions: for each verse, make the appropriate Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone? Oh "big", "little", "fat" and where, oh where can he be? "thin" actions for each animal. He's... Home, home on the range. Where they cut down the ol' pine tree, TIMBER! Version Three: And they hauled it away to the mill. tra, la, la! Old MacDonald had a sea farm, e-i-e-i-ooh! And on that sea farm he had an octopus, e-i-e-i- On Top Of Old Smoky • ooh! F With and arm, arm here and an arm, arm there, On top of old Smoky, Here an arm, there an arm, everywhere an arm, G7 C G7 C arm, All cover'd with snow Old MacDonald had a sea farm, e-i-e-i-ooh! G7 I lost my true lover, Other Verses: C F C crab: pinch, pinch here.... For courtin' too slow shark: jaws, jaws here.... swordfish: swish, swish here.... A-courtin's a pleasure, jellyfish: jiggle, jiggle here.... And parting is grief, A false-hearted lover Version Four: Is worse than a thief. Old McDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o! And on that farm he had a tree... For a thief he will rob you, (switch tunes here) And take all you have, Where they cut down the old pine tree, TIMBER! But a false-hearted lover And hauled it away to the mill, tra, la, la! Sends you to your grave.

Old McDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o! She'll hug you and kiss you, And on that farm he had a home... And tell you more lies, (switch tunes) Than the cross-ties on railroads, Home, home on the range, Or stars in the sky. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 65

They'll tell you they love you, and leisure time to sit awhile. To give your heart ease, There is a fair maid in this town, But as soon as your back's turned, that sorely has my heart beguiled. They'll court whom they please. Her rosy cheeks and ruby lips, I own, she has my heart in thrall; Oscar Meyer Song, The Then fill to me the parting glass, Good night and joy be with you all. performed by Brad Hathaway at MSF 1987 My bologna has a first name Pleasant and Delightful It’s O-S-C-A-R. performed by Cinda Lavely at MSF 1995 My bologna has a second name It’s M-E-Y-E-R. T'was pleasant and delightful on a bright Oh I love to eat it every day summer's morn And if you ask me why I’ll say When the green fields and the meadows were “Cause Oscar Meyer has a way laden with corn With B-O-L-O-G-N-A.” and the blackbirds and the thrushes sang on every green tree The Parting Glass And the lark's oh they sang melodious at the breaking of the day.

Well a sailor and his true love wh went a - walking that day. Said the sailor to his true love; "I am bound far away, "I am bound for the East Indies, where the oloud cannons roar, "And I'm bound the leave my Nancy; she's the girl that I adore."

Said the sailor to his true love: "I must be on my way, "For a oops our topsail is a -hoisted, and our anchor's away, "And our good ship is awaiting the next flowing Em G D O, all the money e're I’ve had, tide, G Bm D "And if ever I return again, I will make you my I’ve spent it in good compa ny bride." Em G D And all the harm that e’re I’ve done, Then a ring from off her finger she instantly G Bm Em drew, A las! it was to none but me Saying take this, dearest william, and my heart G Bm will go too. And all I’ve done for want of wit And as they were embracing, her tears softly Am Em Bm D7 fell, To mem'ry now I can’t re call Saying, " May I go along with you?" "Oh, no, my Em G D love, farewell." So fill to me the parting glass; G Bm Em Pollution Good night, and joy be with you all. Tom Lehrer O, all the comrades e're I’ve had If you visit American city They’re sorry for my going away You will find it very pretty And all the sweethearts e're I’ve had Just two things of which you must beware They’d wish me one more day to stay Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air But since it falls unto my lot That I should go and you should not Pollution, pollution I gently rise and I softly call They got smog and sewage and mud Goodnight, and joy be with you all. Turn on your tap And get hot and cold running crud If I had money enough to spend, 66 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest See the halibuts and the sturgeons Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day Being wiped out by detergeons Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly Behind the barn, But they don't last long if they try Down on my knees Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day Pollution, pollution I thought I heard You can use the latest toothpaste A chicken sneeze And then rinse your mouth Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day With industrial waste Fare thee well, Just go out for a breath of air Fare thee well, And you'll be ready for Medicare Fare thee well my fairy fay The city streets are really quite a thrill For I'm going to Lou'siana If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will For to see my Susyanna Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day Pollution, pollution Wear a gas mask and a veil He sneezed so hard Then you can breathe With the whooping cough Long as you don't inhale Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day He sneezed his head Lots of things there that you can drink And the tail right off But stay away from the kitchen sink Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day The breakfast garbage that you throw in to the Bay Fare thee well, They drink as lunch in San Jose Fare thee well, Fare thee well my fairy fay So go to the city For I'm going to Lou'siana See the crazy people there For to see my Susyanna Like lambs to the slaughter Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day They're drinking the water And breathing, cough, the air Oh, a grasshopper sittin' On a railroad track Polly Wolly Doodle Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day A-pickin' his teeth Southern With a carpet tack Oh, I went down South Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day For to see my Sal Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day Fare thee well, My Sal, she is Fare thee well, A spunky gal Fare thee well my fairy fay Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day For I'm going to Lou'siana For to see my Susyanna Fare thee well, Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day Fare thee well, Fare thee well my fairy fay Oh, I went to bed For I'm going to Lou'siana But it wasn't any use For to see my Susyanna Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day My feet stuck out Like a chicken roost Oh, my Sal, she is Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day A maiden fair Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day Fare thee well, With curly eyes Fare thee well, And laughing hair Fare thee well my fairy fay Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day For I'm going to Lou'siana For to see my Susyanna Fare thee well, Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day Fare thee well, Fare thee well my fairy fay Polly Wolly Moo-dle For I'm going to Lou'siana Tune: Polly Wolly Doodle For to see my Susyanna Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 67

Oh, we've got a cow down on our farm, C Em F C Moo-oo-oo-oo-oo! Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff We always milk her in the barn, F C Am Moo-oo-oo-oo-oo! And brought him strings and sealing wax, One day she drank >from a frozen stream, D7 G7 C Moo-oo-oo-oo-oo! And other fancy stuff. And ever since then she's been giving us ice cream, Chorus: Moo-oo-oo-oo-oo! Oh! Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea And frolicked in the autumn mist Puff the Inflatable Dragon In a land called Honah Lee. (repeat) Lyrics by Bonnie Leonard & Ian Dowell Together they would travel performed by Bonnie Leonard at MSF 1991 On a boat with billowed sail, Jackie kept a lookout perched on Puff's gigantic tail. Chorus: Puff, the inflatable dragon Noble kings and princes would bow whene'er Lived in Royalton pond, they came. And floated in the pouring rain Pirate ships would lower their flags When all the others were gone. When Puff roared out his name. (Repeat) Chorus Little Ronnie Rogers Loved that rascal Puff A dragon lives for ever, but not so little boys. Until he played Chubby Bunny with him Painted wings and giant rings make way for and coated him with fluff. other toys. His eyelids stuck together. One grey night it happened: Jackie Paper came He fell into the pond no more. He almost drowned, But he was saved And Puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his By Donald Tan-and-Blond. fearless roar.

Chorus Chorus

Puff drifted along the shoreline His head was bent in sorrow; green scales fell And slipped beneath the dock. like rain. Something came and popped his tail Puff no longer went to play along the cherry From underneath a rock. lane. His head, It bent and wilted, Without his lifelong friend, Puff could not be His tail dragged in his wake. brave. So pass the fluff and patch him up So Puff the magic dragon sadly slipped into his Then pucker up and take a... cave.

Chorus Que Sera Sera When I was just a little girl Oh, Pond toys live forever I asked my mother, what will I be And so do Midsummerfest songs. Will I be pretty, will I be rich So, Please make up another verse Here's what she said to me. Come join and sing along. Que Sera, Sera, Chorus Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours, to see Puff the Magic Dragon • Que Sera, Sera C Em F C What will be, will be. Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea. F C Am When I was young, I fell in love And frolicked in the autumn mist I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead D7 G7 Will we have rainbows, day after day In a land called Honah Lee. Here's what my sweetheart said. Que Sera, Sera, 68 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours, to see Rap Up (Thank You Rap) Que Sera, Sera What will be, will be. by Diane Sniezek & JoEllen Saunders We showed up late at the campsite Now I have children of my own Cause we got lost turnin’ left & right They ask their mother, what will I be We almost started buggin’ Will I be handsome, will I be rich But then we spotted Doug an’ I tell them tenderly. We knew we had arrived and there was a lot of huggin’ Que Sera, Sera, Whatever will be, will be We woke up early on the next day The future's not ours, to see Nature was callin’ but we didn’t know the way Que Sera, Sera Those bushes were green What will be, will be. Our need was keen We couldn’t waste no time to find the latrine! The Rainbow Connection The sun was up and we were ready for some Muppets action, Performed byJulien & Anne Lafleur, Steve Dubin and Stomachs were grumblin’ and demandin’ Lauryl Jacobs at MSF 2004 satisfaction Why are there so many songs about rainbows Oatmeal was gone, And what's on the other side They ate all the bread and jam Rainbows are visions but only illusions They said, “Hey, no problem, we’ve got plenty of And rainbows have nothing to hide Spam.” So we've been told and some choose to believe it The weather was fine, the people were jivin’ I know they're wrong, wait and see The rest were in the woods shootin’ and Survivin’ {Refrain} Someone said, “Hey Di, Someday we'll find it where’s you camouflage?” The rainbow connection I said, “I’d rather stay out her and get a The lovers, the dreamers and me massage.”

Who said that ev'ry wish would be heard and We played all day and into the night answered The Travesty was dynomite! When wished on the morning star When the act was over, Somebody thought of that, and someone Before we left believed it They said, “ We’d like to give you a parting gift.” Look what it's done so far What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing Wow! A mug! It looked real fine And what do we think we might see It said “Midsummerfest 1989.” I couldn’t believe it, {Refrain} look at it shine I rapped my little heart out, now that mug was All of us under its spell mine!! We know that it's probably magic So, what I’m tryin’ to say, in my own way: Have you been half-asleep and have you heard Midsummerfest was more than okay voices It was ragin’, a blast, I've heard them calling my name That place was really jammin’ Is this the sweet sound that calls the young Thank you, Ian, for doin’ all the plannin’ sailors The voice might be one and the same Rounds I've heard it too many times to ignore it It's something that I'm s'posed to be White Coral Bells (4 parts) {Refrain} White coral bells, Upon slender stalk, La da da dee da da do Lilies-of-the-valley La da da da da dee da do Deck my garden walk. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 69

Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's Oh don't you wish true! That you could hear them ring? But that will only happen Doo doo doo doo, doo doo When the fairies sing. {Refrain} Fire's Burning (4 parts) Every day when I Fire's burning, Make my to the tubby Draw nearer, I find a little fella who's Draw nearer, Cute and yellow and chubby In the glowing, In the glowing, Rub-a-dub-a-dubby! Come sing and be merry. Rubber Ducky, you're so fine And I'm lucky that you're mine Oh, How Lovely Is the Evening (3 Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of you. parts) Oh, how lovely is the evening, {Refrain} Is the evening; When the bells are sweetly ringing, Rubber Ducky, you're so fine sweetly ringing; And I'm lucky that you're mine Ding, dong, ding; Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of - Ding, dong, ding. Rubber ducky, I'd like a whole pond of - Rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you! Frog Round (4 parts) 1.bananas (low voice) Doo doo, be doo 2.knee deep (medium) 3.tea and coffee (high) Rum by Gum 4.Hear the lively song by The Kingston Trio Of the frogs in yonder pond Away, away with rum by gum Crik, crik, crikkety crik, Rum by gum Brrrr....uh Rum by gum Away, away with rum by gum Good Night (3 parts) The song of the temperance union. Part I: We're coming, we're coming our brave little Good night to you all, band. And sweet be your sleep. On the right side of temperance we do take our stand. Part II: We don't use tobacco because we do think May silence surround you, That the people who use it are likely to drink. Your slumber be deep. Away, away with rum by gum Part III: Rum by gum Good night, good night, Rum by gum Good night, good night. Away, away with rum by gum The song of the temperance union. Rubber Ducky Muppets We never eat cookies because they have yeast And one little bite turns a man to a beast. Rubber Ducky, you're the one, Can imagine a sadder disgrace You make bathtime lots of fun, Than a man in the gutter with crumbs on his Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you; face?

Woo woo be doo Away, away with rum by gum Rum by gum Rubber Ducky, joy of joys, Rum by gum When I squeeze you, you make noise! Away, away with rum by gum The song of the temperance union. 70 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest (Hey that's clever) We never eat fruitcake because it has rum Eat this or that, Grow thin or fat And one little bite turns a man to a bum. Never mind, I wouldn't do that Can you imagine a sorrier sight I'm fat enough now! Than a man eating fruitcake until he gets tight? Conjunction Junction, what's your function? We're coming, we're coming our brave little Hookin' up phrases and clauses that balance, band. like: On the right side of temperance we do take our Out of the frying pan and into the fire. stand. He cut loose the sandbags, We don't use tobacco because we do think but the balloon wouldn't go any higher. That the people who use it are likely to drink. Let's go up to the mountains or down to the seas. Away, away with rum by gum You should always say Thank you, Rum by gum Or at least say Please! Rum by gum Away, away with rum by gum Conjunction Junction, what's your function? The song of the temperance union. Hookin'-up words and phrases and clauses in complex sentences like: Schoolhouse Rock "In the mornings, when I am usually wide awake, I love to take a walk through the gardens and down by Conjunction Junction the Lyrics & Music by: Bob Dorough lake, where I often see a duck and a drake, and Performed by: Jack Sheldon I wonder as I walk by what they'd say if they could speak, Conjunction Junction, what's your function? although I know that's an absurd thought." Hooking up words and phrases and clauses. Conjunction Junction, how's that function? Conjunction Junction, what's your function? I've got three favorite cars that get most of my Hookin'-up cars and making them function. job done. Conjunction Junction, how's that function? I like tying up words and phrases and clauses. Conjunction Junction, what's their function? Conjunction Junction, watch that function! I've got and, but, and or. They'll get you pretty far. I'm going to get you there if you're very careful. Conjunction Junction, what's your function? And! I'm going to get you there if you're very careful. That's an additive, like this and that. But! A Noun is a Person, Place or Thing That's sort of the opposite, not this but that. Lyrics & Music by: Lynn Ahrens And then there's Or. O-R, performed by Kelly Marold at MSF 1996 when you have a choice like this or that Well, every person you can know, And, but, and or get you pretty far! And every place that you can go, And anything that you can show, Conjunction Junction, what's your function? You know they're nouns. Hooking up two boxcars and making 'em run A noun's a special kind of word, right. it's any name you ever heard, Milk and honey, bread and butter, peas and rice, I find it quite interesting. (Hey that's nice) A noun's a person, place, or thing. Dirty but happy, digging and scratchin'. Losing your shoe and a button or two, Oh, I took a train, took a train to another state. He's poor but honest, sad but true, The flora and fauna that I saw were really great. Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! I saw some bandits chasin' the train. I was wishin' I was back home again. Conjunction Junction, what's your function? I took a train, took a train to another state. Hooking up two cars to one When you say something like this choice Well, every person you can know (like a bandit Either now or later or an engineer) Or no choice: And every place that you can go (like a state or Neither now nor ever. a home) Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 71

And anything that you can show (like animals and plants or a train) I’m Just a Bill You know they're nouns-you know they're Lyrics & Music by: Dave Frishberg nouns, oh ... Performed by: Jack Sheldon performed by Kelly Marold at MSF 1996 Mrs. Jones is a lady on Hudson Street. She sent her dog to bark at my brother and me. Boy: Whew! You sure gotta climb a lot of steps We gave her dog a big fat bone, to get And now he barks at Mrs. Jones. to this Capitol Building here in Washington. But I She's a lady who lives on Hudson Street. wonder who that sad little scrap of paper is?

Well, every person you can know (Mrs. Jones, a I'm just a bill. lady, or a brother) Yes, I'm only a bill. And every place that you can go (like a street or And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill. a corner) Well, it's a long, long journey And anything that you can show (like a dog or a To the capital city. bone) It's a long, long wait You know they're nouns-you know they're While I'm sitting in committee, nouns. But I know I'll be a law some day At least I hope and pray that I will Oh, I took a ferrv to the Statue of Liberty. But today I am still just a bill. My best friend was waitin'there for me. (He took an early ferry.) Boy: We went for a walk on the island You know, Gee, Bill, you certainly have a lot of patience And in the middle of summer it started to snow, and When I took a ferry to the Statue of Liberty. courage. BILL: Well, I got this far. When I started I wasn't Well, every person Vou can know (like a friend even a or the captain of a ship) bill, I was just an idea. Some folks back home And every place that you can go (an island or a decided they wanted a law passed, so they sea) called And anything that You can show (like a statue, a their local Congressman, and he said, "You're ferry, or snow) right, there oughta be a law." Then he sat down You know they're nouns-you know they're nouns and wrote me out and introduced me to Congress. Oh, I put a dime in the drugstore record And I became a bill, and I'll remain a bill until machine. they Oldie goldies started playing if you know what I decide to make me a law. mean. I heard Chubby Checker, he was doin'the twist I'm just a bill And the Beatles and the Monkees, it goes like Yes I'm only a bill, this! And I got as far as Capitol Hill. I put a dime in the drugstore record machine. Well, now I'm stuck in committee And I'll sit here and wait Well, every person you can know (the Beatles While a few key Congressmen discuss and and the debate Monkees, Chubby Checker) Whether they should let me be a law. And every place that you can go (like a How I hope and pray that they will, neighborhood or a store) But today I am still just a bill. And anything that you can show (like a dime or a record machine) Boy: Listen to those Congressmen arguing! Is You know thev're nouns. all that discussion and debate about you. A noun's a special kind of word BILL: Yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones. Most bills It's any name you ever heard. never I find it quite interesting even get this far. I hope they decide toreport on A noun's a person, place, or thing. me favorably, otherwise I may die. A noun is a person, place, or thing. Boy: Die? BILL: Yeah, die in committee. Ooh, but it looks like I'm 72 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest gonna live! NOW I go to the House of On my way to where the air is sweet Representatives, and they vote on me. Can you tell me how to get, Boy: if they vote yes, what happens? How to get to Sesame Street... BILL: Then I go to the Senate and the whole How to get to Sesame Street thing starts How to get to... all over again. Boy: Oh no! ABC-DEF-GHI BILL: Oh yes! sung by Big Bird (Carroll Spinney) I'm just a bill Music and Lyrics by Joe Raposo & Jon Stone Yes, I'm only a bill And if they vote for me on Capitol Hill ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ Well, then I'm off to the White House It's the most remarkable word I've ever seen Where I'll wait in a line ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ With a lot of other bills I wish I knew exactly what I mean For the president to sign It starts out like an "A" word as anyone can see And if he signs me, then I'll be a law. But somewhere in the middle it gets awful "QR" HOW I hope and pray that he will, to me But today I am still just a bill. ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ If I ever find out just what this word can mean Boy: You mean even if the whole Congress I'll be the smartest bird the world has ever seen! says you It might be kind of an elephant should be a law, the president can still say no? Or a funny kind of kazoo BILL: Yes, that's called a veto. If the president Or strange, exotic turtle vetoes You never see in a zoo me, I have to go back to Congress and they vote Or maybe a kind of a doggie on me again, and by that time you're so old ... Or particular shade of blue Boy: By that time it's very unlikely that you'll Or maybe a pretty flower become a law. It's not easy Naah, not with a name like that, Uh uh! to become a law, is it? ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ BILL: No! It's the most remarkable word I've ever seen But how I hope and pray that I will, But today I ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ am still just a bill. I wish I knew exactly what I mean MAN: He signed you, Bill Now you're a law! It starts out like an "A" word as anyone can see BILL: Oh yes!!! But somewhere in the middle it gets awful "QR" to me Sesame Street ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ If I ever find out just what this word can mean I'll be the smartest bird the world has ever seen! Sesame Street Theme Music and Lyrics by Joe Raposo, Jon Stone & Bruce Bein' Green Hart sung by Kermit the Frog (Jim Henson) Sunny Day Written by Joe Raposo Sweepin' the clouds away On my way to where the air is sweet [Greetings! Kermit the Frog here, and today I'd Can you tell me how to get, like to tell you a little bit about the color green. How to get to Sesame Street Do you know what's green? [cue music] Well I Come and play am for one thing. You see, frogs are green, Everything's A-OK and I'm a frog. And that means I'm green, you Friendly neighbors there see?] That's where we meet It's not that easy bein' green Can you tell me how to get Having to spend each day the color of the How to get to Sesame Street leaves It's a magic carpet ride When I think it could be nicer being red or yellow Every door will open wide or gold To happy people like you-- Or something much more colorful like that Happy people like It's not easy bein' green What a beautiful It seems you blend in with so many other Sunny Day ordinary things Sweepin' the clouds away And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 73

Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water But it is not as good as a cookie Or stars in the sky Oh and the moon sometimes looks like a C But green's the color of Spring But you can't eat that, so ... ] And green can be cool and friendly-like C is for cookie, that's good enough for me, yeah! And green can be big like an ocean C is for cookie, that's good enough for me Or important like a mountain C is for cookie, that's good enough for me Or tall like a tree Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C, yeah! When green is all there is to be Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C, oh boy! It could make you wonder why Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C! But why wonder, why wonder? (Cookie Monster eats the cookie) I am green and it'll do fine Umm-umm-umm-umm-umm It's beautiful! And I think it's what I want to be C Is For Cookie - Opera Style! sung by Marilyn Horn (I believe, correction Breakfast Time welcome) Words and Music by Jeff Moss The scene is an Egyptian setting, with Marilyn Me want a soft boiled cookie lying on an Egyptian-style lounge And a glass of cookie juice on the side Oh, the sky has turned grey, Or for a change one morning And the world seems sad and blue. Me will have cookies scrambled or fried All the laughter's gone away. It isn't hard each morning Guess there's just one thing to do... To keep me satisfied (reaches down and, grinning, pulls out a great Just give me a soft-boiled cookie big cookie) And a glass of cookie juice on the side C is for cookie, that's good enough for me Sometimes I have a bowl of some crunchy C is for cookie, that's good enough for me cereal C is for cookie, that's good enough for me I'd even have some orange juice too Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C On other days my favorite is boiled eggs and (she is joined by a choir) toast C is for cookie, that's good enough for me And sometimes a stack of pancakes is the C is for cookie, that's good enough for me breakfast I love most C is for cookie, that's good enough for me I'd drink a glass of milk or a cup of cocoa Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C Or even have a cup of tea A round cookie with one bite out of it So many things a fella can eat for breakfast Looks like a C. That's why breakfast is so much fun for me A round pita bread with one big bite out of it Also looks like a C, "C" Is For Cookie But it's not as good as a cookie. Oh... as sung by Cookie Monster (Frank Oz) (duh!) And the moon sometimes looks like a C, written by Joe Raposo Yes the moon sometimes looks like a C, But you can't eat that, SO... [Now what starts with the letter C? C is for cookie, that's good enough for me Cookie starts with C C is for cookie, that's good enough for me Let's think of other things C is for cookie, that's good enough for me That starts with C Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C Oh, who cares about the other things?] C is for cookie, that's good enough for me C is for cookie, that's good enough for me C is for cookie, that's good enough for me C is for cookie, that's good enough for me C is for cookie, that's good enough for me C is for cookie, that's good enough for me Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C Cookie, Cookie, Cookie, C is for cookie, that's good enough for me Cookie, Cookie, Cookie starts with C! C is for cookie, that's good enough for me Cookie Monster: (coming in from the side) Did C is for cookie, that's good enough for me me hear somebody say cookie? Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C (he eats the bottom cookie of the giant cookie- [Hey you know what? pyramid, which then collapses) A round cookie with one bite out of it (embarrassed) Oh. Thank you. (he leaves) Looks like a C A round donut with one bite out of it Also looks like a C 74 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest All: We go where we have never gone before The Count's Lullaby To explore, explore, explore! Girl Grouch: Soggy nights in leaky tents copyright 1977 Orange Grouch: Attending cultural events Go to sleep, my little bat, Oscar: Riding camels through the heat Oh, say good night to your black cat. Grey-Green Grouch: Feeling cranky, feeling Do not put on your nightgown, beat You'll be sleeping upside down. Girl Grouch: Broiling in the midday sun Go to sleep my little goblin, All: Is sweaty, sticky, grouchy fun! While your cradle is a wobblin', We go where we have never gone before I will sit and count your snoring To explore, explore, explore! Even though you think it's boring. Oscar: Travelling the world we see Count the footsteps up the stairs, Grouches who live differently Count the creaking of the chairs, Orange Grouch: But everywhere they get their Count the clouds that fill the sky, kicks Keep on counting, don't ask why. Girl Grouch: From all the same revolting tricks! Go to sleep, my spider dear, Grey-Green Grouch: In Spain or France or While you're dreaming I'll be near. Birmingham There's a full moon in the sky They all have ways to holler - Shining on my lullaby. All: Scram! We go where we have never gone before The Grouch Anthem We explore, explore, explore! sung by Oscar The Grouch and The Grouch Chorus Healthy Food Announcer: Please rise for the Grouch Anthem. Written by Christopher Cerf Oscar: No, no, no. For the Grouch Anthem, you stay sitting down. Down in front there! Now 1987 Splotched Animal Music BMI brace yourself, I'm gonna sing: Grouches of the world unite! sung by Cookie Monster (Frank Oz) in a rap format Stand up for your grouchly rights! Well, me known for eating cookie, Don't let the sunshine spoil the rain When me don't, they shout, Just stand up and complain (heheheh) "Look, he trying to throw loyal fans a curve! Let this be the grouches' cause: What he doing eating fish, Point out everybody's flaws! Or vegetable dish? Something is wrong with everything Man, he sure got a lot of nerve!" Except the way I sing! Well, me answer you straight, (Cue Grouch Choir ooing in the background) When me filling up plate, Spoken: Taking only cookies is all wrong! You know what's right with this world? Nuttin! 'Cause you also got to eat You know what gets me hot under the collar? Fruit or veggies and meat You name it! If you want to be healthy and strong! And the next time some goody-two-shoes smiles Word up! ( not in this translation, but CM does and tells you to have a nice day, just say this on the video ) remember: (Chorus) Sung: Healthy food! Don't let the sunshine spoil the rain, Boy, it taste so good. Just stand up and complain! Me one healthy dude Just stand up and complain! 'Cause me eat healthy food. Me love it boiled or stewed, The Grouch Explorers Song Me love it whole or chewed. sung by Oscar the Grouch (Carroll Spinney) and You'd feel just great if you'd assorted grouches Eat some healthy food! Me promise that when you eat varied menu, Orange Grouch: Gliding through a smelly You get more out of every meal. swamp You need balanced diet, Where mosquitoes come to romp Come on and try it! Oscar: The fun of being first to see Not believe how great you'll feel! The fungus on a rotten tree Grey-Green Grouch: Steamy Jungles Munch some carrots or beans Orange Grouch: Icy Peaks! Or poultry or greens, Girl Grouch: Not a decent meal in weeks! Along with your chocolate chip. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 75

And banana or plum Anything dirty or dingy or dusty Will make you go, "Yum!" Anything ragged or rotten or rusty Nutrition--- it really hip! Yeah, I love trash ( repeat chorus ) I got me a sneaker that's tattered and worn There broiled spring chicken, It's all full of holes and the laces are torn Grapes ripe for picking, A gift from my mama the day I was born And swordfish, tuna and trout. I love it because it's trash And apple and cherry, Oh, I love trash And all kinds of berry, Anything dirty or dingy or dusty And broccoli and Brussel sprout! Anything ragged or rotten or rusty There lettuce, tomato, Yeah, I dig trash Boiled new potato, I got me a newspaper thirteen months old There spinach and celery and beet. I've wrapped up a fish Milk and honey and cheese, And it's smelly and cold Peanuts, peppers, and peas, But I wouldn't trade it for a big pot of gold Pears and peaches and cream of wheat! I love it because it's trash ( repeat chorus twice ) I love it because it's trash I've got a clock that won't work I Love Trash And an ol' microphone A broken umbrella and a rusty trombone sung by Oscar the Grouch (Carroll Spinney) And I'm delighted to call them my own Written by Jeff Moss I love them because they're trash Oh, I love trash 1970 Festival Attractions, Inc. (ASCAP) Anything dirty or dingy or dusty Oh, I love trash! Anything ragged or rotten or rusty Anything dirty or dingy or dusty Yeah, I love Anything ragged or rotten or rusty Yeah, I love Yes, I love trash Trash! I have here a sneaker that's tattered and worn It's all full of holes and the laces are torn I Love When it Rains A gift from my mother the day I was born sung by Bob McGrath and Oscar The Grouch I love it because it's trash Oh, I love trash! Bob: Pit pitter pat Anything dirty or dingy or dusty Pit pitter pat Anything ragged or rotten or rusty Pit pitter pat Yes, I love trash Pit pitter pat I have here some newspaper thirteen months I love when it rains old It's thrilling I wrapped fish inside it; it's smelly and cold When it's spilling But I wouldn't trade it for a big pot o' gold! And just filling I love it because it's trash The drains Oh, I love trash! When dear Mother Nature's showers Anything dirty or dingy or dusty Fall from space Anything ragged or rotten or rusty Well every lazy daisy Yes, I love trash Stops I've a clock that won't work To wash And an old telephone It's face! A broken umbrella, a rusty trombone That And I am delighted to call them my own! Pit patter I love them because they're trash That Oh, I love trash! Pit patter Anything dirty or dingy or dusty Is so welcome Anything ragged or rotten or rusty You know Yes, I love, I love, I love trash! Those hours When it showers I Love Trash It helps the flowers Grow this version sung by Steven Tyler, who else?! I'm not one of those You want to talk some trash? Who sits around Oh, I love trash And complains 76 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest I love it Ernie: Like "Farmer In The Dell" or "Old I just love McDonald Had A Farm" or maybe "What's When it rains The Name Of That Song" Oscar: Hey Bob? I like when it rains too! Bert: No Bob: Really Oscar? Ernie: So if you have a lot of choice, Oscar: Pit You'll love it that you've got a voice Pitter pat And even though the notes you sing are wrong Pit Bert: ERNIE!! Pitter pat Ernie: You'll do a favor for us I like when it pours! If you lift your voice in chorus Winds whipping For a swinging sing along song And hats ripping (Duet: singing these parts at the same time) And folks slipping Bert: I refuse to sing along I won't Outdoors So please don't ask me if I want to 'cause I don't Love to muddle Although for you I would do almost anything Thru a puddle Along is one way which I do not want to sing Skip Ernie: Ole Buddy, it'll make you happy And run When you start to sing a snappy Bob: Oh Oscar! Little number that will bounce you right along Oscar: In a trash can Like "Farmer In The Dell" or "Old McDonald Had Or an ash can A Farm" or maybe "What's The Name Of That Life is fun Song" Bob: That pit patter So if you have a lot of choice, That pit patter You'll love it that you've got a voice Will cause flowers to bud And even though the notes you sing are wrong Oscar: But mainly You'll do a favor for us And quite plainly If you lift your voice in chorus It makes a lot of mud! For a swinging sing along song (snickers) Bert: Ernie!!! Bob: I'm not one of those Ernie: Please Bert, you'll like it too Who sits around We'll sing together, just me and you And complains Bert: AARGH!! Oscar (at the same time): Even though I No, I refuse to sing along that's it!!!! Easily complain And in the bathroom it's ridiculous, I quit!! That's Bob: I love it that! Oscar: I just love.. That's that! Both: When it raaaains! Ernie: Gee Bert, that was terrific! Oscar: I hope it never stops! Bob: So do I Oscar In the Quiet of the Evening Oscar: We agree? sung by Kermit Bob: Of course we do! Oscar: Oh egad uhhhhhhhhh! When I listen, in the quiet of the evening Transcribed by a friend of the archive What do I hear? Water dripping, dripping I Refuse to Sing Along In the quiet of the evening Ernie: Gee, Bert, it's so much fun, I know you'll When I listen, in the quiet of the evening like it once we've begun What do I hear? Bert: Ernie, I've gotta wash my hair, I've gotta Crickets chirping, chirping scrub my toes In the quiet of the evening Ernie: We Bert, will have a ball, if I can get you I hear a bullfrog croaking all night long to sing at all (Hi, Uncle Ben!) Bert: No, I refuse to sing along I won't A hoot owl hooting his evening song So please don't ask me if I want to 'cause I don't When I listen, in the quiet of the evening, argh! Although for you I would do almost anything What do I hear? Along is one way which I do not want to sing Dogs bow-wowing Ernie: Ole Buddy, it'll make you happy What do I hear? When you start to sing a snappy Cats meowing Little number that will bounce you right along Brown bears snoring, tigers roaring Bert: No! Oh, it’s the sound of Mother Nature murmuring low (let yourself go!) Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 77

Argh...when I listen, in the quiet of the On my pond (on my pond) evening...Argh! On my pond This is the loudest quiet I’ve ever listened to! Look at the grass all around me Will you guys keep it down! It's green as the smile on my face Somebody’s trying to sing out here! Look at the trees they astound me Argh! I’m gonna go find me a quiet swamp! Wow, what a beautiful place There's a spot The Insects In Your Neighborhood Where no one lives But quiet little fish sung by Ernie On my pond (on my pond) Hello, Mr. Caterpillar, inching along I see On my pond Oh a caterpillar crawls around Nature lets me His tummy rubs along the ground Come and visit But you're bound to get a big surprise Any time I wish 'Cause they grow up into butterflies On my pond (on my pond) And how are you Mr. Grasshopper? Very On my pond hoppy? Look at us all A grasshopper will leap and hop We're enjoying You wonder does it ever stop A breath of sweet country air They're the kind of insect you might see (a boat goes by trailing fumes, Kermit coughs, Eating grass beneath a shady tree a family turns up a boombox loud) It's a cricket! Look! Hey! This is getting annoying Now crickets are those chirpy things Please keep it down over there! To make that noise they rub their wings Wait a minute! Who said you If you hear that noise the chance is good Could dump your garbage here? There's a cricket in your neighbourhood On my pond (on my pond) And there it is in the thicket! A cricket in the On my pond thicket! Cleaning it all up again Hi Mr. Bee, looking for your honey? Could take us years and years A honeybee will buzz around On my pond (on my pond) Wherever flowers can be found On my pond They will look for nectar they can take Keeping it clean to begin with So that honey they can later make Yes that's the smart thing to do You'll find that ants are everywhere (fish pop up with their faces covered in gas They always crawl from here to there masks) They're little but they're very strong (Don't let them cover our fins with And they like to work the whole day long Any more black slimy gooooooo!) So these are the insects in your neighbourhood Save a place where I can sit In your neighbourhood, in your neighbourhood Just me, myself and I Yes these are the insects in your neighbourhood On my pond (on my pond) They're the insects that you meet On my pond When you're walking down the street Keep the water fresh and clean They're the insects that you meet each day! And peaceful as a sigh On my pond (on my pond) On My Pond On my pond (repeat as people start picking up garbage) words by Sarah Dukee Isn't it a lot nicer with everything all cleaned up music by Paul Jacobs like this? On my pond (on my pond) sung by Kermit (repeat and fade) with a fish background chorus (background fish in brackets) People In Your Neighborhood There's a place sung by Bob (Bob McGrath) and the Anything Where I can sit Muppets Just me, myself and I On my pond (on my pond) Written by Jeffrey Moss On my pond (the parts between the brackets [ ] are spoken) Where the water's Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood? Fresh and clean In your neighborhood? And peaceful as a sigh 78 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest In your neighborhood? Well, they're the people that you meet Say, who are the people in your neighborhood? When you're walking down the street The people that you meet each day They're the people that you meet each day (a blue muppet, I believe, walks onstage) (additional verses from the book "People In My [Bob: Oh, hi there, little fella.] Neighborhood" Volume 7 of "On My Way With [Anything Muppet #1: Hello.] Sesame Street") [Bob: Hey, listen, know who you could be if I (pic of Cookie Monster dressed in a chef hat and gave you this little hat and this bag to go over apron behind the counter of a bakery, your shoulder?] muching cookies, natch) [Anything Muppet #1: I could be a laundry man.] The baker is the one who makes [Bob: No, not a laundry man.] Your bread and rolls and pies and cakes [Anything Muppet #1: How about Santa Claus?] If you want something sweet to eat, go see [Bob: No no no, not Santa Claus.] The baker in the bakery [Anything Muppet #1: What's wrong with Santa (pic of Guy Smiley-like teacher in front of class Claus?] holding a globe) [Bob: There's nothing wrong with Santa Claus, A teacher works the whole day through but...] To teach important things to you [Anything Muppet #1: Don't you like Christmas?] He'll teach you things you won't forget [Bob: Oh, I love Christmas. But you could be the Like numbers and the alphabet postman.] (pic of Herry monster in red-white striped pants [Anything Muppet #1: A postman, hmmmm ...] just like a barber's pole cutting the hair of Guy Oh, the postman always brings the mail Smiley-like muppet) Through rain or snow or sleet or hail A barber has a great big chair I'll work and work the whole day through You sit in it, he cuts your hair To get your letters safe to you He'll snip and clip and never rest Bob and Anything Muppet #1: Until your haircut looks its best 'Cause a postman is a person in your (pic of Prairie Dawn-like muppet driving a bus) neighborhood The bus driver drives fast or slow In your neighborhood To take you where you want to go He's in your neighborhood When you get in and pay your fare A postman is a person in your neighborhood She will drive you anywhere A person that you meet each day (pic of Telly wearing a dentist's uniform) [Anything Muppet #1: I'll see you around.] A dentist cares for all your teeth [Bob: Okay.] The top ones and the ones beneath (AM#1 leaves, bumped into AM#2 as he enters) So if you have an aching tooth [Anything Muppet #2: Hey, watch it. Where ya He'll fix it quick, and that's the truth goin'? To a fire?] (pic of female muppet in a doctor's uniform) [Bob: Hey, speaking of a fire.] The doctor makes you well real quick [Anything Muppet #2: Fire! What fire? Help! If by chance you're feeling sick Help!] She works and works the whole day long [Bob: No, there's no fire at all. But do you know To help you feel well and strong who you could be if I gave you this little shiny (pic of blue adult male muppet in grocer's outfit) red hat?] The grocer sells the things you eat [Anything Muppet #2: Yeah, Santa Claus.] Like bread and eggs, cheese and meat [Bob: No, not Santa Claus.] No matter what you're looking for [Anything Muppet #2: Little Red Riding Hood?] You'll find it at the grocery store [Bob: No, no, no, not Red Riding Hood, you (pic of Grover working on a shoe with a could be a fireman.] hammer) [Anything Muppet #2: A fireman? Holy smoke!] The shoemaker is always there Oh, a fireman is brave it's said To take care of the shoes you wear His engine is a shiny red With his hammer, nails, and glue If there's a fire anywhere about He'll fix your shoes as good as new Well, I'll be sure to put it out (pic of the back of Rodeo Rosie handing over a Bob and Anything Muppet #2: fringed vest to the drycleaner, a green adult 'Cause a fireman is a person in your male muppet) neighborhood The cleaner is the one who knows In your neighborhood How to clean and press your clothes He's in your neighborhood He'll take a jacket, suit, or vest Anything Muppet #1: And clean it so you'll look your best And a postman is a person in your neighborhood (pic of Oscar The Grouch, naturally, driving a All: garbage truck) Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 79

The trash collector works each day Rubber Duckie, I'm awfully fond of you; He'll always take your trash away (woh woh, bee doh!) He drives the biggest truck you've seen Rubber Duckie, joy of joys, To keep the city streets all clean When I squeeze you, you make noise! Rubber Duckie, you're my very best friend, it's The Rainbow Connection true! (doo doo doo doooo, doo doo) sung by Kermit (Jim Henson) CHORUS: written by Paul Williams and Kenneth Ascher Every day when I Make my way to the tubby Why are there so many songs about rainbows I find a little fella who's And what's on the other side? Cute and yellow and chubby Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, (rub-a-dub-a-dubby!) And rainbows have nothing to hide. Rubber Duckie, you're so fine So we've been told and some choose to believe And I'm lucky that you're mine it Rubber duckie, I'm awfully fond of you. I know they're wrong, wait and see. (repeat chorus) Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, Rubber Duckie, you're so fine The lovers, the dreamers and me. And I'm lucky that you're mine Who said that every wish would be heard and Rubber duckie, I'm awfully fond of - answered Rubber duckie, I'd like a whole pond of - When wished on the morning star? Rubber duckie I'm awfully fond of you! Somebody thought of that (doo doo, be doo.) And someone believed it, And look what it's done so far. What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing? Little Richard's Version And what do we think we might see? (spoken after smoking piano riff) Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, Well, here I am in my tubby again. And my The lovers, the dreamers and me. tubby's all filled up with water and nice fluffy All of us under its spell, suds, honey. And I've got my soap .... looky We know that it's probably magic.... here ... and I got my washcloth ... look at this Have you been half asleep ... and I got my nifty scrub-brush, honey, just And have you heard voices? scrub, just scrub. And I got my big, BIG, fluffy I've heard them calling my name. towel to dry me off when I'm done. And I got Is this the sweet sound that calls the young my piano. And there's one other thing that sailors? makes tubby-time the very best time of the The voice might be one and the same. whole day, honey. And you know what that is? I've heard it too many times to ignore it. A very special friend of mine, my very favorite Is it something that I'm supposed to be? little old friend .... (music starts) Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, (sung) The lovers, the dreamers and me. Rubber duckie, you're the one La, la la, La, la la la, La Laa, la la, La, La la You make bathtime lots of fun laaaaaaa Rubber duckie, I'm awfully fond of you (reprise from "The Muppet Movie"): Rubber duckie, joy of joys Why are there so many songs about rainbows? When I squeeze you, you make noise That's part of what rainbows do. Rubber duckie, you're my very best friend, it's Rainbows are memories, sweet dream true reminders -- (patented-Little Richard-ooooooh!) What is it you'd like to do? Every day when I All of us watching and wishing we'd find it, Make my way to the tubby I know you're watching it, too. I find a little fella who's Someday you'll find it, the rainbow connection, Cute and yellow and chubby The lovers, the dreamers, and you! Rub-a-dub-a-dubby Rubber duckie, you're so fine Rubber Duckie And I'm lucky that you're mine Rubber duckie, I'm awfully fond of you sung by Ernie (Jim Henson) Oh every day when I Written by Jeffrey Moss Make my way to the tubby I find a little fella who is Rubber Duckie, you're the one, Cute and yellow and chubby You make bathtime lots of fun, 80 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Rubby-dub-dubby Tadpole, take your time to be Rubber duckie, you're so fine A big, green grown-up frog like me And I'm lucky that you're mine Rubber duckie, I'd like a whole pond of you We Are All Earthlings Rubber duckie I'm awfully fond of you! Words by Sara Compton Music by Jeff Moss Swamp Mushy Muddy Some of us have feathers sung by Oscar the Grouch (Carroll Spinney) Some of us have fins Swamp Mushy Muddy Some of us are furry Swamp Mushy Muddy And some of us have skins Swamp Mushy Muddy We swim and hop and slither For a more pleasant spot And leap and soar and run A grouch could never wish And we all live together Swamp Mushy Muddy On a planet of the sun Swamp Mushy Muddy We are all earthlings Swamp Mushy Muddy We are all earthlings Is where grouches love to fish Spinning around together When I throw my pole in On a planet of the sun Or when I go trollin' We live in the desert I always catch a rubber tire or a pan We live inside a tree It's ugly and smelly We live high in the mountains And awful Or deep beneath the sea And fishing is unlawful We live in tents and cabins And the air is like my garbage can In houses just for one Oh, it's littered and crummy there And we all live together Filth and ooze and debris On a planet of the sun So I lay on my tummy there We are all earthlings In the slime is where I'm gonna be We are all earthlings Swamp Mushy Muddy Spinning around together Swamp Mushy Muddy On a planet of the sun Where I can fish for trash Floating down a river That floats upon the foam Swinging through the trees Swamp Mushy Muddy, you're icky Climbing up a mountain You're tacky, blach and yicky Going with the breeze Mushy Muddy, disgusting and cruddy All of us can have a happy healthy place to be Swamp Mushy Muddy, you're my second home If we can float and swim and climb in earthling You can see the dead flies falling harmony From a poison ivy bud We are all earthlings It's revolting and appalling We are all earthlings How I love my Mushy Mud! Spinning around together Mmmm On a planet of the sun Spinning around together Tadpole On a planet of the sun sung by Kermit the Frog (Jim Henson) Tadpole, wiggling in the water She’s My Girl Brand new world is there for you to see by Tom Lehrer Lots of time till you grow to be Performed by Ian Dowell at MSF 1997 A big frog like me Tadpole, haven't got a worry Sharks gotta swim, and bats gotta fly, Biggest job is swimming peacefully I gotta love one woman till I die. Wonder if you know you'll grow to be To Ed or Dick or Bob A big frog like me She may be just a slob, Changes happen as time passes by But to me, well, Soon enough, you'll be grown She's my girl. With a home on a lily pad And some tadpoles of your own In winter the bedroom is one large ice cube, Oh, little tadpole, wiggling in the water And she squeezes the toothpaste from the Far from all responsibility middle of the tube. Take your time till you grow up to be Her hairs in the sink A big frog like me Have driven me to drink, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 81

But she's my girl, she's my girl, she's my girl, And I love her. Shine On Harvest Moon The girl that I lament for, Words by Jack Norworth and music by Nora Bayes- The girl my money's spent for, Norworth (1908) The girl my back is bent for, The night was mighty dark so you could hardly The girl I owe the rent for, see, The girl I gave up Lent for For the moon refused to shine. Is the girl that heaven meant for me. Couple sitting underneath a willow tree, For love they did pine, So though for breakfast she makes coffee that Little maid was kinda 'fraid of darkness tastes like shampoo, So she said, "I guess I'll go." I come home for dinner and get peanut butter Boy began to sigh, looked up at the sky, stew, Told the moon his little tale of woe: Or if I'm in luck, It's broiled hockey puck, "Oh, shine on, shine on harvest moon up in the But, oh well, what the hell, sky. She's my girl, I ain't had no lovin' since January, February, And I love her. June or July Snowtime ain't no time to stay outdoors and She Went Into the Water spoon, So shine on, shine on harvest moon - for me (to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic") She went into the water and she got her toes all and my gal !" wet. She went into the water and she got her toes all I can't see why a boy should sigh, wet. When by his side is the girl he loves so true, She went into the water and she got her toes all All he has to say is: wet. "Won't you be my bride, But she didn't get her ...... wet, yet. For I love you, Why should I be telling you this secret, She went into the water and she got her feet all When I know that you can guess?," wet. Harvest moon will smile, She went into the water and she got her feet all Shine on all the while, wet. If the little girl should answer "yes." She went into the water and she got her feet all wet. "Oh, shine on, shine on harvest moon up in the But she didn't get her ...... wet, yet. sky. She went into the water and she got her ankles I ain't had no lovin' since January, February, wet... June or July Snowtime ain't no time to stay outdoors and She went into the water and she got her shins all spoon wet... So shine on, shine on harvest moon - for me and my gal !" She went into the water and she got her knees all wet... Sit On My Face Monty Python She went into the water and she got her thighs all wet... Sit on my face and tell me that you love me I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too She went into the water and she finally got it I love to hear you o-ra-lize wet. When I'm between your thighs She went into the water and she finally got it You blow me away wet. She went into the water and she finally got it Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you wet. I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly Yes, she finally got her bathing suit wet! Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine If we sit on our faces In all sorts of places And play, 'til we're blown away 82 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest And as the judge remarked the day that he Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay • acquitted my Aunt Hortense, To be smut it must be ut-terly without redeeming performed by Jens Karlsson & Steve Munier at MSF social importance. 1991 Por-nographic pictures I adore, indecent C E magazines galore, Sittin' in the morning sun I like them more, if they're hard-core. F D I'll be sittin' when the evening come Bring on the obscene movies, murals, C E postcards, neckties, samplers, Watchin' the ships roll in Stained-glass windows, tattoos, anything, more, F D more, I'm still not satisfied. Then I watch 'em roll away a gain Stories of torture used by debauchers, C A Lurid, licentious, and vile, make me smile. Yeah, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay Novels that pander to my taste for candor give Am A me a pleasure sublime Watchin' the tide roll a way Let's face it, I love slime. C D Sittin' on the dock of the bay All books can be indecent books, though recent C A Wastin' time books are bolder, For filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the I left my home in Georgia beholder. Headed for the Frisco Bay When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. I have nothing to live for I can tell you things about Peter Pan Look like nothing gonna come my way And the Wizard of Oz, there's a dirty old man! So, I'm just gonna sit on the dock of the bay Watchin' the tide roll away I thrill to any book like Fanny Hill, and I suppose Sittin' on the dock of the bay I always will Wastin' time If it is swill, and really fil-thy. Who needs a hobby, like tennis, or philately? Bridge: I've got a hobby- C F Re-reading Lady Chatterly. But now they're Look like nothing gonna change trying to take C F It all away from us unless we take a stand and Ev'rything still remains the same hand in hand we fight C F G For freedom of the press, in other words smut (I I can't do what ten people want me to do love it!) Bb G7 Ah, the adventures of a slut. Oh, I'm a market So I guess I'll re main the same they can't glut I don't know what compares with smut. Hip hip Sittin' here restin' my bones hooray let's hear it And this loneliness won't leave me alone For the Supreme Court. Don't let them take it Two thousand miles I roam away. Just to make this dock my home Now, I'm just sitting on the dock of the bay The Song of the Knights of Watchin' the tide roll away Sittin' on the dock of the bay Camelot Wastin' time from Monty Python and the Holy Grail Look, my liege!

Smut (fanfare) by Tom Lehrer performed by Stephen & Rogina Jeffries and Ainsley Camelot! Beardwood at MSF 1989 Camelot! Camelot! It's only a model. Smut, give me smut and nothing but, a dirty Shh! novel I can't shut If it's uncut, and unsub-tle Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. I've never quibbled, if it was ribald, Let us ride...to.....CAMELOT! I have devoured where others merely nibbled, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 83 song: Spam We're knights of the round table, we dance whene're we're able. Yankovic Weird Al We do routines, and border scenes, and UHF footwork imp-e-cable; Performed by Chris Campbell, Steve Dubin and Ian We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and Dowell at MSF 2004 jam and spam alot. Spam in the place where I live. (ham and pork) Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it We're knights of the round table, our shows are now. (oh boy) for-mid-able Spam in my lunchbox at work. (it's the best) The many times, we're given rhymes, that are Really makes a darn good sandwich, any way quite un-sing-able you slice it at all. We're often mad in Camelot, we sing from the If you're running low, go to the store. diaphragm a lot! Carry some money to help you buy more. The tab is there to open the can. Though we're tough and able, The can is there to hold in the spam. Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable, Oh, spam on the table at home. (ham and pork) Between our quests, we seek incest and Think about selection, are there different flavors impersonate Clark Gable, now. (let's eat) It's a busy life in Camelot: Spam in my office at work. (it's the best) Think about the stuff it's made from, wonder if I have to push the pram-a-lot! it's mystery meat. If you need a spoon, keep one around. Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Carry a thermos to help wash it down. Camelot. It is a silly place. Now if there's some left, don't just throw it out. Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now. Soon It's Gonna Rain Spam in my pantry at home. (have some more) Think of expiration, better read the label now. Book and Lyrics by Tome Jones (oh boy) Music by Harvey Schmidt Spam breakfast, dinner or lunch. (it's the best) Think about how it's been pre-cooked, wonder if Hear how the wind begins to whisper I'll just eat it cold. See how the leaves go streaming by Now once you start in, you can't put it down. Smell how the velvet rain is falling Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown. Out where the fields are warm and dry The key is going to open the tin. Now is the time to run inside and stay The tin is there to keep the spam in. Now is the time to find a hide-away Oh spam, spam. (ham and pork) Where we can stay... Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy) Soon it's gonna rain, I can see it. Spam, spam. (it's the best) Soon it's gonna rain, I can tell. Really makes a darn good sandwich any way Soon it's gonna rain, What are we gonna do? you slice it. Spam in the place where I live. (have some Soon it's gonna rain, I can feel it more) Soon it's gonna rain, I can tell Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie Soon it's gonna rain, What'll we do with you? now. (let's eat) Spam in the place where I work. (you're We'll find four limbs of a tree obsessed) we'll build four walls and a floor Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's We'll bind it over with leaves some kind of meat. and run inside to stay Spam in the back of my car. (ham and pork) The tab is there to open the can. (spam any Then we'll let it rain, we'll not feel it place that you are) Then we'll let it rain, rain pell-mell The can is there to open the spam. (spam any And we'll not complain, if it never stops at all place that you are) we'll live and love within our own four walls Oh spam. 84 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest C G F C Spam What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's G C Upt last gleaming Non Album Tracks G C G C Once upon a time I had some spam Whose broad stripes and bright stars Am D7 G Then that wasn't good enough, and I needed through the peri lous fight some tree C G F And I tired of that and turned to saurkraut. O'er the ramparts we watched were so After I kicked the kraut habit, pickles caught my C G C fancy. gallant ly streaming C G Spam And the rockets' red glare, the bombs Dm F Save Ferris bursting in air Introducing Save Ferris C G F C It's pink and it's oval Gave proof through the night that our flag Spam Am D7 G I buy it at the mobil was still there Spam C F Dm It's made in Chrernobyl Oh say, does that star-spangled banner yet Spam Gsus G When I was a child wa - ave C G C F C Am My family was so poor O'er the la nd of the free and the home We didn't have the finer things in life to eat G C So we had a plan of the brave In a big blue can A government substitute for meat To get me to eat it at dinner The Star Spangled Hammer They said I'd grow up like Bruce Jenner by Steve Munier He was a winner that never knew defeat performed at MSF 1990 And when he got hungry He cracked open that special treat (To the tune of “The Star Spangled Banner) S-P-A-M Don't you know it's my best friend S-P-A-M Again and again Oh say can you see the hammer in the pond So go and forget your O-S-C-A-R Where so loudly we fought There's one meat by-product that's best by far About how to keep the bottom calm There was Ian and Erik And the rest of the crew Spam Who worked and struggled Monty Python To make these new improvements here for you Monty Python Sings There was the whackers(???) the paint and the fridge Lovely spam, wonderful spa-a-m, We gave the latrine a new roof Lovely spam, wonderful S Spam, Soon Midsummerfest would be here Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am, Oh say was it worth it to Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am, Be here with us today SPA-A-A-A-A-A-A-AM, In the land of Ned SPA-A-A-A-A-A-A-AM, And the home of the Festers LOVELY SPAM, LOVELY SPAM, LOVELY SPAM, LOVELY SPAM, LOVELY SPA-A-A-A-AM... Star Trek: The Nice Generation SPA-AM, SPA-AM, SPA-AM, SPA-A-A-AM! performed by Mike & Carla Guenette and Rich Schaffer at MSF 1990 The Star Spangled Banner by Francis Scott Key She’s Big E, She’s Beautiful and C G C Am She’s Mine Oh say can you see by the dawn's (To the tune of "She's Sixteen, She's Beautiful, and Dm G She's Mine") ear ly light She comes on like a dream, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 85

Her engines run clean, C F G C Her warp drive is perfectly fine, You never really know when it will rain. She's Big E, She's Beautiful, and She's mine! Sometimes I seek peace and quiet Her impulse run true, and sometimes peace of mind. Her transporter too, And there's a piece of my heart Her anti-matter mixer’s on-line, that someone else is guarding. She's Big E, She's Beautiful, and She's mine. Just when I think all the pieces fit another one comes along, Capt. Picard’s Neighborhood but on a mountain top all the pieces are in harmony (To the tune of "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood") It's a beautiful day on the Enterprise, (refrain) A beautiful day to extemporize... Let's have some fun, Tucked inside my backpack but not hurt anyone... are things for camping life a canteen, a flashlight, and dry underwear The viewscreen’s blank, so what the heck, The weather don't seem to matter much I think I'll go down to the holodeck! it's whether you like yourself 'cuz if the company's good there's not much more to need The Merry Old Enterprise (refrain) (To the tune of "The Merry Old Land of Oz") With a patch patch here and a fix fix there (reprise) And a couple of re-route tries It will rain, it will rain We’ll get the shields up again Try and keep the joy, let go the pain On the merry old Enterprise. You can never really know when it will rain.

Steps in the Rain • The Stuff Song by Rogina Jeffries by Lou & Peter Berryman performed by Rogina Jeffries and Stephanie Hesla at performed in 1999 by Ian Dowell & Teresa Lyons MSF 1992 C F G One day some friends went camping and me G C G C I had always considered my habits aust ere I rode a long A7 D7 Am F G ‘Cause I don’t have a boat or a big a cross a little valley to a wooded hill chandelier C F G D7 G As we snuggled in sleeping bags each night But then recently something be came very G C C the rain came tumbling down clear C D G D7 G but every morning there were good times all When I found myself building a nother new G D7 a round shelf

(refrain) D7 G D7 F G I’m no an tiquer with hundreds of lamps And as I walk through my life G D7 G C F And I’m not a phila telist, though I have every step brings a little sur prise stamps F G C C G D7 'cuz you never really know when it will rain Nor am I a nu mismatist such as my F G G It will rain, it will rain gramps C F C G D7 G bringing drops of joy and drops of pain But I run a mu seum in spite of my self 86 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Ties, for example; I’ve dozens of those I’m ashamed to admit I have too many socks I have ties that are thin and go down to your And infusers, and shovels, and pencils, and toes clocks And a couple so wide you don’t need any And enough pairs of glasses to fill a shoe box clothes And fedoras and paper clips up the wazoo And a plastic bowtie when you squeeze it it Sorting it all into bins would be wise squirts But I ran out of Rubbermaid boxes that size Ties that new, and a few from my youth And for labels, I don’t have the office supplies And a wool one I wore on a whim in Duluth So it looks like I have some more shopping to And a doozy I bought in a mall in a booth do. And a few I invented with glitter and paint.

Leftover paint for the ceiling and floor I have paint for old wood that was painted before Super Skier I have paint I forget what it’s for anymore And a color for only where nobody looks performed by Henry Lyons & Stephanie Budin at Red for the car that I drove as a teen MSF 1992 And a can of a hideous lemony green Well they called him Superskier, as he sat And a hundred percent of the shades in between around the sundeck, With instructions on painting in handyman for he swore that he would never take a spill. books. When they finally brought him down they had to use three toboggans to carry all the pieces Books in the cupboard and books overhead down the hill. And a shelf of quotations from guys who are dead Refrain: A collection of classics I never have read Well he was comin' down that slope doin' 90 And an unopened book about keeping in shape miles an hour when he caught an edge of his Waterproof books about building a yacht ski And the story of Spam which I read and forgot Well his clothes they were fast but the slopes A debunking of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not they were faster that's the last 'er super skier And a hist’ry of myst’ry, and Dickens on tape. we shall see.

Tape: I have some that is stronger than glue Well he hollered "What the hell?" as he lined And electrical tape in both yellow and blue them parallel, he figured there was nothing I have for the pool or to patch a canoe more to learn, Even thought I don’t own a canoe or a pool And as he started on his way he shouted Tape for my car that’s reflective and red "¡Anda-le!" assumin' that he'd never have to I have tape for the trunks of my trees in the shed turn. I have leftover tape from a gash in my head I have tape you apply with a packaging tool. (refrain)

Tools I have lying around everywhere Well he was slippin' down that slope doin' 90 Like a pump for replacing the air in a spare miles an hour when a mogul flipped him in the And a circular saw and a carpenter square air, And a fairly elaborate socket array His jumpin form was fine, till he ran into that Hammers and planes and a ratcheting wrench pine, two one-legged skiers left from there. And a workbench of drills, and a drilling extension (refrain) That fits in a rack on the back of the bench Over lithium grease in an aerosol spray. When he left that tree at last he was movin' twice as fast, both halves were skippin' Spray for my hair, I have cream for my face moguls like a feather, I have dandruff shampoo with an apricot base He said if I must be a split personality, how can I I have bottles of aloe all over the place ever keep my knees together? And a case of deodorant germicide soap Now while I rinse, couldn’t somebody quick (spoken) Give a person perspective on what makes him One ski headed west, the other headed north, tick 'cause both of them you see were runnin Tell me why, in a world full of hungry and sick freer, I need herbal emollient and soap on a rope? Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 87

And folks up on little knell, looked up scared as F C F hell, said "It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Their planet crumbled but Superman he SUPERSKIER!" --No, its a bird. C Am G forced himself to carry on (refrain) Am G Dm G Forget Kry pton and keep going (slower) Well the moral of my story, though my story's Chorus kinda gory, for all you sundeck Charlies there's still hope. Am G Am G F You buy the fastest clothes you can. Tar zan was king of the jungle and lord Then talk skiin' like a man.... C G (faster) over all the apes Am G Am G F But, don't let people get you on the slopes! But he could hardly string together four C F C G (refrain) wo rds: " I Tar zan, you Jane"

And let's get Charlie off the MTA! F C F C Some times when Supe was stopping Superman's Song • crimes by Crash Test Dummies F C F C performed by Ian Dowell and Teresa Lyons at MSF I'll bet that he was tempted to just quit and ‘96 Am G turn his back on man F C F C Am G Dm G Tar zan wasn't a ladies man Join Tar zan in the forest F C F F C F C F He'd just come along and swoop 'em up But he stayed in the city and kept C Am C F C un der his arm changing clothes in dirty old phonebooths G Am G Dm G Am G Am Like that Quick as a cat in the jungle Til his work was through and nothing to F C F C G Dm G But Clark Kent, now there was a real gent do but go on home F C F C He would not be caught sittin' aro und in no Chorus Am G jungle scape Swatting Skeeters Am G Dm G Dumb as an ape doing nothing (to the tune of "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles") I'm forever swatting skeeters, Chorus: Little beasts that buzz and bite. F G C They're always nigh, Superman never made any money saving In earth and sky, F And like my dreams they come at night. the world from Solomon Grundy They are always hiding, C F C They are everywhere, And sometimes I despair the world will never I'm forever swatting skeeters, F G Little demons of the air. see another man like him

F C F C Sweet Baby James • Hey Bob, Supe had a straight job by James Taylor F C F Even though he could have smashed {A7sus 1 0 3 0 2 0 0} C Am G {E7sus 1 0 3 2 2 2 0} through any bank in the United States D A G Am G Dm G There is a young cowb oy, he l ives on the He had the strength but he would not F#m F C F C r ange, Folks said his family were all dead Bm G D His h orse and his c attle are his o nly 88 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest F#m comp anions, Swing Low, Sweet Chariot • Bm G D He w orks in the s addle and he sl eeps in performed by Bill Walsh, Erik Nottleson, Diane F#m Sniezek & Jo Ellen Saunders at MSF 1989 the c anyons, Chorus: G D A C F C W aiting for su mmer, his p astures to Swing low, sweet chari ot, Em7 A7 G7 c hange. Coming for to carry me home, C F C G A7sus D Swing low, sweet chari ot, And as the moon rises he sits by his f ire, G7 C Bm G D Coming for to carry me home. Th inking about wo men and gl asses of A C F C b eer, I looked over Jordan, and what did I see, G A7sus G7 And cl osing his eyes as the doggies Coming for to carry me home, D C F C ret ire, A band of angels coming after me, Bm G D G7 C He s ings out a s ong which is s oft but it's Coming for to carry me home. clear, E7sus E7 Asus A If you get there before I do, A s if maybe s omeone could hear. Just tell my friends that I'm a-coming too.

{Chorus:} The brightest day that ever I saw, D G He says g oodnight you m oonlight When Jesus washed my sins away. A7sus D ladies, I'm sometimes up and sometimes down, Bm G D But still my soul feels heavenly bound. R ock-a-bye sw eet baby Ja mes, Bm G D I never went to heaven, but I been told, D eep greens and bl ues are the co lors I The streets of heaven are paved with gold. choose, E7sus Take Me Back to Tech Won't you let me go down in my I wish that I were back again at Tech on Asus d reams, Boylston Street, G A7sus D Dressed in my dinky uniform so dapper and so And r ock-a-by sweet baby J ames. neat. I'm crazy after calculus, I never had enough; Well the first of December was covered with It's hard to be dragged away so young, snow, It was horribly awfully tough! And so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Hurrah for Technology, 'ology 'ology oh, Boston, Glorious old Technology, 'ology 'ology oh! The Birkshires seemed dream-like on account of Back in the days that were free from care in the that frostin', 'ology varsity shop, With ten miles behind me and ten thousand With nothing to do but analyze air in an more to go. anemometrical top. The differentiation of the trigonometric pow'rs There's a song that they sing when they take to The constant pi that made me sigh in those the highway, happy days of ours. A song that they sing when they take to the sea, Hurrah for Technology, 'ology 'ology oh, A song that they sing of their home in the sky, Glorious old Technology, 'ology 'ology oh! Maybe you can believe it, if it helps you to sleep, Take me back on a special train to that glorious But singing works just fine for me. institute, I yearn for the inspiration of a technological toot. Chorus I'd shun the quizzical physical profs the chapel and all that, But how I'd love to go again on a scientific bat. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 89

Hurrah for Technology, 'ology 'ology oh, that's where you'll find me. Glorious old Technology, 'ology 'ology oh! M-A-S-S-A-C-H-U-S-E-T-T-S Somewhere off in the forest people go, (and) they go off to the forest, why is it I can't go? I-N-S-T-I-T-U-T-E-O-F-T-E (but) C-H-N-O-L-O-G and Y comes after G Ding Dong the Witch is Dead! (and what does that spell?) Ding Dong the Witch is Dead! The Massachusetts Institute of Technology! Which old witch! Hey! Ah, Never mind!

E to the U du dx! We’re Off to See the Fester • (to the tune of “We’re Off to See the Wizard”) (aka the Tech Cheer) C G7 C E to the U du dx, E to the X dx! Follow the muddy dirt road! Cosine! Secant! Tangent! Sine! C G7 C 3 point 1 4 1 5 9! Follow the muddy dirt road! Integral, radical ??dv Dm7 F G7 Slipstick, slide rule, M.I.T.! Follow, follow, follow, follow, WE ARE HAPPY - TECH IS HELL Am7 D7 Dm7 G7 T-E-C-H-N-O-L follow the muddy dirt road! O-G-Y! M.I.T. RAH! RAH! RAH! (quick pause) C G7 C M.I.T. RAH! RAH! RAH! You're [We're] off to see the Fester, M.I.T. RAH! RAH! RAH! Dm7 G7 C Technology! Technology! Technology! That Fabulous Fester of Ours. F Em Dm Taps We hear he is a Whiz of a Fiz Day is done; gone the sun, Am7 D7 G7 From the lakes, from the hills, from the sky. if ever a Fiz there was. Dm7 Cdim C Am7 All is well, safely rest. If ever oh ever a fiz there was, God is nigh. Dm7 G7 C that Fester of Ours is one because Fading light dims the sight, F Em F And a star lights the sky, gleaming bright; be cause, because, be cause, be cause, From afar, drawing nigh, Em7 D7 falls the night. be cause.... G7 D7-5 Am7 D7 Thanks and praise for our days Be cause of the Fabulous things he 'Neath the sun, 'neath the stars, 'neath the sky; G7 As we go, this we know: does. God is nigh. C G7 C You're [We're] off to see the Fester, That Fester of Ours Dm7 G7 C C F C G7 C That Fabulous Fester of Ours! Somewhere Under the Stars (to the tune of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”) If Only I Had Less Rain Somewhere under the stars in Royalton [song, to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain"] there's a Fest that I heard of once in a Bulletin. I could get my socks and shoes dry, Somewhere off in the forest people play and ogle at the blue sky, and the games that they play and not be in much pain... last all through the night and day. And no bugs would be hatchin' Some day I'll get into my car and the mildew not be catchin' and drive until I'm far far from the city... If I only had Less Rain! Where troubles melt like M&Ms and you spend time with lots of friends, I could hike and not get soggy, 90 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest See far without the foggy, Would be "Hit Some", not "Dropped Gun", not and keep dry all my grain... "Missed" Opponents would show respect to me. With the warmth I'd be feelin' No teammates would say "Aw, heck" to me. I could be much more appealin' Though my gun might jam I would fire "blam" If I only hadLess Rain! "blam" At each suspicious place If I, if I were ace! Oh I could keep me dry and hike or sleep outside How? Courage! I could pitch my tent and never even fret What makes a bear out of a cub? Courage! that by next dawn, What makes a bunny out of a chub? Courage! I'd be all wet. What makes the camper seek the latrine, in the dead of night, I would not be just a cushion, when she's not too keen? a'squelchin’ and a sqwooshin' What makes this mountaintop so green? All drenched with mold and stain... Courage! What makes the man dive in the pond? I'd be healthy and hearty Courage! and I'd be fun at a party What makes the crayfish bite his hand? If I only had Less Rain! Courage! What makes the salamander spot? What makes the Travesty so hot? If I Only Had More Art What've they got that I ain't got? [song, to the tune of "If I Only Had a Heart"] When a man's a hopeless actor He should accept that factor It’s Called Midsummerfest not try to play a part... [ to the tune of "The Merry Old Land of Oz"] Flex! Flex! Flex! Yo! Baby! Yo! But that lack I am ruein' Our egos aren't repressed. For the Travesty is brewin' That's what we're like while we're up here, If I only had more Art! It's called Midsummerfest.

If I had a shred of talent, Splash! Splash! Splash! Splat! Splat! Splat! my stagetime would be well spent, We have no time for rest. my tears would break your heart... That's how we spend our days and nights At each Midsummerfest. I could laugh like the loonies Play on Broadway and the boonies We get up at ten and stuff ourselves till one If I only had more Art! And by evening time, the Travesty's begun. Jolly good fun! Picture me, A balcony, Above the voices go The talent's mixed, the prizes fixed, Encore! Encore! and Bravo! We act like we're possessed I've got a fan! Oh, man! and pass out mugs to all who come to our Midsummerfest. To pretend and not be jeered at, or joke and not be sneered at Ha! Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! would be good for a start... The Other Day I Met a Bear Get a laugh or a titter I could be a heavy hitter, performed by David Duseau at MSF 1989 If I only had more Art! (call & response with recap)

Call: The other day If I Were an Ace Playing Paintball Response: The other day [to the tune of "If I were King of the Forest"] I met a bear If I were an Ace Playing Paintball I met a bear Not Tyro, Not Fair Shot, Not Wus... A great big bear My record scores playing paintball A great big bear A way up there Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 91

A way up there Runnin’ ‘round kickin’ Every dog what seen. The other day I met a bear How to be a dog kicker; A great big bear a way up there Don’t need a ticket. Find an old dog, I looked at him Haul off and kick it. He looked at me I sized up him Them Moose Goosers He sized up me by Mason Williams And so he said performed in 1998 by Ian Dowell, Chris Campbell & Why don’t you run Steve Dubin For I can see You have no gun How ‘bout them moose goosers? Ain’t they cluse(?)? And so I ran Up in them boondocks Away from there Goosin’ them moose. But right behind Goosin’ them huge moose, Me was that bear Goosin’ them tiny, Goosin’ them middle(?) moose And then I came In they heine. Up to a tree Look at them moose goosers. A great big tree Ain’t they dumb? In front of me Some use an umbrella, Some use a thumb. The nearest branch Them obtuse moose goosers Was ten feet up Sneakin’ through the woods I’d have to jump Pokin’ them snoozy moose And trust my luck In they goods. How to be a moose gooser: And so I jumped It’ll turn you puce. Into the air Get your gooser loose But missed that branch An rouse a drowsy moose. A way up there There's a Hole in the Bucket But don’t you fret There's a hole in the bucket, And don’t your frown Dear Liza, dear Liza I got that branch There's a hole in the bucket, On my way down. Dear Liza, there's a hole.

Them Dog Kickers Then fix it, dear Henry, by Mason Williams Dear Henry, dear Henry Then fix it, dear Henry, performed in 1998 by Ian Dowell, Chris Campbell & Dear Henry, fix it. Steve Dubin How ‘bout them dog kickers? With what shall I fix it, Ain’t they crumbs? Dear Liza, dear Liza? Kicking them doggies With what shall I fix it, In they bums. Dear Liza, with what? Kickin’ them afghans, Kickin’ them mutts, With a straw, dear Henry, Kickin’ them puppy dogs Dear Henry, dear Henry Poor little butts. With a straw, dear Henry, Look at them dog kickers. Dear Henry, with a straw. Ain’t they cute? Some use a shower shoe, But the straw is too long, Some use a boot. Dear Liza, dear Liza Them dad-gum dog kickers, But the straw is too long, Ain’t they mean? Dear Liza, too long 92 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Then cut it, dear Henry, Dear Henry, dear Henry Dear Henry, dear Henry In the bucket, dear Henry, Then cut it, dear Henry, Dear Henry, in the bucket. Dear Henry, cut it. There's a hole in the bucket. With what shall I cut it, Dear Liza, dear Liza? Time Warp With what shall I cut it, Dear Liza, with what? Rocky Horror Picture Show Riff Raff With an axe, dear Henry, It's astounding Dear Henry, dear Henry Time is fleeting With an axe, dear Henry, Madness takes its toll Dear Henry, an axe. But listen closely Magenta: Not for very much longer The axe is too dull, I've got to keep control Dear Liza, dear Liza I remember doing the time warp The axe is too dull, Drinking those moments when Dear Liza, too dull The blackness would hit me And the void would be calling Then sharpen it, dear Henry, Dear Henry, dear Henry All Then sharpen it, dear Henry, Let's do the time warp again Dear Henry, sharpen it. Let's do the time warp again

With what shall I sharpen it, {Refrain} Dear Liza, dear Liza? It's just a jump to the left With what shall I sharpen it, And then a step to the right Dear Liza, with what? With your hands on your hips You bring your knees in tight With a stone, dear Henry, But it's the pelvic thrust Dear Henry, dear Henry That starts to drive you insane With a stone, dear Henry, Dear Henry, a stone. Let's do the time warp again Let's do the time warp again The stone is too dry, Dear Liza, dear Liza Magenta The stone is too dry, It's so dreamy Dear Liza, too dry Oh fantasy free me So you can't see me Then wet it, dear Henry, No not at all Dear Henry, dear Henry In another dimension Then wet it, dear Henry, With voyeristic intention Dear Henry, wet it. Well secluded I'll see all With what shall I wet it, Riff Raff With a bit of a mind flip Dear Liza, dear Liza? Magenta You're there in the time slip With what shall I wet it, Riff Raff And nothing can ever be the same Dear Liza, with what? Magenta You're spaced out on sensation Riff Raff Like you're under sedation With water, dear Henry, Dear Henry, dear Henry All With water, dear Henry, Let's do the time warp again Dear Henry, with water. Let's do the time warp again

How shall I get it, Columbia Dear Liza, dear Liza, Well I was walking down the street just having a How shall I get it, think Dear Liza, how shall I? When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise In the bucket, dear Henry, He had a pick-up truck and the devil's eyes Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 93

He stared at me and I felt a change Time meant nothing, never would again Chorus

All The Travesty Intro Let's do the time warp again Let's do the time warp again by Kermit the Frog, Cortland Budin & Stephanie Hesla {Refrain} performed at MSF 1990 (to the tune of “The Muppet Show”) All Let's do the time warp again It’s time to make the music Let's do the time warp again It‘s time to light the lights It’s time to get things started Toss the Pot at Midsummerfest tonight by Thomas Ravensloft We all got here late last night Set tents up in the rain Chorus: Dodged kamikaze bugs Toss the pot, toss the pot: let us be merry, And we must be all insane And drink till our cheeks be as red as a cherry. Pond water in our oatmeal We take no thought, we have no care, Pond water with our lunch For still we spend and never spare; And now the end result is a Till of all money our purse is bare, Toilet paper crunch we ever toss the pot. We’ve all been dodging paintballs Chorus We call this a good time As we go bravely crawling We drink, carouse with hear most free: Through the mud and muck and slime A hearty draft I drink to thee; Then fill the pot again to me, We’ve all been stuffed with steaks now And ever toss the pot. Had beer poured down our throats And so you’ll find this funny Chorus We think you’ll find this funny We hope you’ll find this funny And when our money is all spent; The sell our goods and spend our rent, At the most sensational, celebrational, Or drink it up with one consent, inspirational, Midsummerfestival and ever toss the pot. This what we call the Travesty

Chorus The Tree Toad When all is gone, we have no more: Performed by Ian Dowell at MSF 1997 Then let us set it on the score, (Tune: Auld Lang Syne) Or chalk it up behind the door, and ever toss the pot. F C7 A tree toad loved a fair she toad Chorus F Bb That lived up in a tree; And when our credit is all lost, F C7 Then we may go and kiss the post, She was a fair three-toed tree toad And eat brown bread instead of roast, A7 Dm C7sus C7 F and ever toss the pot. But a two- toed toad was he.

Chorus Bb F C7 The two-toed tree toad tried to win Let us conclude as we began, F F7 Bb D7 And toss the pot from man to man, The she toad's friendly nod ; And drink as much now as we can, and ever toss the pot. 94 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Gm F C7 I cracked my whip and leader sprung, For the two-toed tree toad loved the I says good-day to the wagon tongue. ground Chorus: A7 Bb Gm7 C7 F That the three-toed tree toad trod. Turkey in the straw, turkey in the hay, Turkey in the straw, turkey in the hay, F C7 Roll 'em up and twist 'em up a high tuckahaw, Now three-toed tree toads have no care And play a little tune called 'Turkey in the Straw.' F Bb Oh, I jumped in the seat, and I gave a little yell, For two-toed tree toad love, The horses ran away, broke the wagon all to F C7 hell, But the two-toed tree toad fain would share Sugar in the gourd and honey in the horn, A7 Dm C7sus C7 F A tree home up a bove. I never been so happy since the day I was born. Oh, I went out to milk, and I didn't know how, Bb F C7 I milked the goat instead of the cow. In vain the two-toed tree toad tried; A monkey sittin' on a pile of straw, F F7 Bb D7 A-winkin' his eyes at his mother-in-law. He couldn't please her whim . Well, I met Mr. Catfish comin' down stream, Gm F C7 Says Mr. Catfish, "What do you mean?" In her tree toad bower with veto power, I caught Mr. Catfish by the snout, A7 Bb Gm7 C7 F And I turned Mr. Catfish wrong side out. The she toad ve toed him ! Well, I came to a river and I couldn't get across, So I paid five dollars for a blind old hoss; Try to Remember He wouldn't go ahead, and he wouldn't stand still, Book and Lyrics by Tome Jones So we went up and down like an old saw mill. Music by Harvey Schmidt As I came down the new cut road, I met Mr. Bullfrog, I met Miss Toad, Try to remember the time of September And every time Miss Toad would sing, when life was slow and oh so mellow Old Bullfrog cut a pigeon wing. Try to remember the time of September Oh, I had an old hen and she had a wooden leg, when grass was green and grain was yellow She was the best darn hen that ever laid an egg; Try to remember the time of September She laid more eggs than any hen on the farm, when you were a tender and callow fellow And a little competition didn't do her any harm. Try to remember and if you remember Well, if frogs had wings and snakes had hair Then follow And automobiles went flying through the air; Follow follow follow... Well, if watermelons grew on a huckleberry vine, We'd all have winter in the summertime. Try to remember when life was so tender That no one wept except for willow Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star Try to remember when life was so tender That dreams were kept beside your pillow Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Try to remember when life was so tender How I wonder what you are! That love was an amber about to billow Up above the world so high, Try to remember and if you remember Like a diamond in the sky. Then follow Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Follow follow follow... How I wonder what you are!

Deep in December it's nice to remember When the blazing sun is gone, Although you know the snow will follow When he nothing shines upon, Deep in December it's nice to remember Then you show your little light, without a hurt the heart is hollow Twinkle, twinkle, all the night. Deep in December it's nice to remember Twinkle, twinkle, little star, The fire of September that made us mellow How I wonder what you are! Deep in December our hearts should remember And follow... Then the trav'ler in the dark Thanks you for your tiny spark; Turkey in the Straw How could he see where to go, If you did not twinkle so? Oh, as I was a goin' down the road, Twinkle, twinkle, little star, With a tired team and a heavy load, How I wonder what you are! Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 95

In the dark blue sky you keep, and Through my curtains often peep, Now Noah was there and he answered the For you never shut your eyes, callin' Till the morning sun does rise. And he finished up the ark as the rain started Twinkle, twinkle, little star, fallin' How I wonder what you are! And he marched in the animals two by two And he sung out as they went through As your bright and tiny spark Chorus: Lights the trav'ler in the dark, "Hey Lord, I got you two alligators and a couple Though I know not what you are, of geese Twinkle on, please, little star. Two hump back camels and two chimpanzees Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Two cats, two rats, two elephants but sure as How I wonder what you are! you're born Lord, I just don't see your u--ni--corns." The Unicorn Song by Shel Silverstein Well, Noah looked out through the driving rain, Impromptu performance by the crowd at MSF 1988 But the unicorns were hiding - playing silly C Dm games, A long time ago when the earth was green They were kickin' and a-spashin' while the rain G C was pourin' There was more kinds of animals than you'd Oh them foolish unicorns. ever seen [Repeat second chorus] C Dm They'd run around free while the world was And then the ark started moving and it drifted being born with the tide, C Dm G And the unicorns looked up from the rock and But the loveliest of them all was the u-- ni-- cried, C And the water came up and sort of floated them corn away, That's why you've never seen a unicorn to this Chorus: day. C Dm Chorus: There was green alligators and long "You'll see a lot of alligators and a whole mess necked geese of geese G You'll see hump back camels and chimpanzees Some humpy back camels and some You'll see cats and rats and elephants but sure C as you're born chimpanzees You're never gonna see no u--ni--corns." C Dm Cats and rats and elephants but sure as you're born Uptown Song C Dm G C By Jo Ellen Saunders & Diane Sniezek The loveliest of all was the u-- ni-- corn performed by Jo Ellen Saunders & Diane Sniezek at MSF 1989

But the Lord seen some sinnin' and it caused (To the tune of “Hard Day’s Night”) him pain He said "Stand back - I'm gonna make it rain It’s been a hard day’s night So hey brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do, And donations have been slim Build me a floating zoo." It’s been a hard day’s night And our future’s lookin’ grim Chorus: And you take two alligators and a couple of So what we’d just like to do geese Is swindle money from you Two hump back camels and two chimpanzees And then we’d feel all right Two cats, two rats, two elephants but sure as you're born You know we work all day Noah, don't you forget my u--ni--corn. Yo! Ebenezer come on and pay It would be worth it just to shut us up 96 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest So put some money in our cup Our cots are fenced with wire, and we slumber when we can, We’d like to pack up the show And we fight the wolves and tigers which infest Cause to Vermont we must go Van Dieman’s Land. Before the full moon’s light There came a lass from sweet Dundee, Jean If we could go, Bill would stop sending his thugs Stewart was her name, If we could go, Ian would give us both hugs For fourteen years transported, as you may Hugs (oooh!) know the same. Our captain bought her freedom, and married It’s been a hard day’s night her off-hand, And we are running out of luck And she gives us a good usage here, upon Van It’s been a hard day’s night Dieman’s Land. If you don’t help us, we’ll be stuck Although the poor of Scotland do labour and do We’d like to make ourselves clear toil, We’d like to get outta here They’re robbed of every blessing and produce of And have another beer the soil; Your proud imperious landlords, if we break their Van Dieman’s Land • command, They’ll send you to the British hulks, or to Van performed by Ian Dowell & Teresa Lyons at MSF Dieman’s Land. 1990 Dm Dm C Volcano • Come all ye gallant poach- ers that Dm C By Jimmy Buffett ramble void of care, that (Intro: instrumental CHORUS twice) Dm F C walk out on a moonlit night wi’your CHORUS: Dm Bb Dm G dog, your gun and snare. The I don't know. F harmless C F D hare and pheas- ant you I don't know. Dm Bb C Am G C have at your com- mand, not I don't know where I'm a-gonna go when the Dm Am Dm C D G thinkin’ on your last ca- reer up volcano blow. Dm Bb Dm on Van Dieman’s Land. (Repeat CHORUS) ‘Twas poor Tom Brown from Glasgow, Jack Williams and poor Joe, G C G (G D G) We were three daring poachers, the country will Ground she's moving under me. did know; G D G (G D G) At night we were trepanned by the keepers in Tidal waves out on the sea. the sand, G C G (G D G) And for fourteen years transported unto Van Sulfur smoke up in the sky. Dieman’s Land. G D G (G D G) Pretty soon we learn to fly. The first day that we landed upon this fatal shore The planters that came round us, full twenty (sing CHORUS twice) score or more, They rank’d us up like horses, and sold us out of My girl quickly say to me, hand, "Mon, you better watch your feet. And yok’d us to the ploughs, my boys, to plough Lava come down soft and hot. Van Dieman’s Land. You better love me now or love me not."

The houses that we dwell in here are built of (sing CHORUS once) clod and clay; (instrumental CHORUS twice) With rotten straw for bedding, we dare not say them nay; No time to count what I'm worth, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 97

'Cause I just left the planet Earth. And he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his Where I go, I hope there's rum! tucker bag Not to worry, mon, soon come. “You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me”

(sing CHORUS twice) Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me G C G And he sang as he talked to that jumbuck in his But I don't want to land in New York City, tucker bag G D G “You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me” Don't want to land in Mexico. (NO, NO, NO!) Down came the squatter, riding on his G C G thoroughbred Don't want to land in no Three Mile Island, Down came the troopers, one, two, three G D G “Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your Don't want to see my skin aglow. (NO, NO, tucker bag? NO!) You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me”

Don't want to land in no Commanche Sky Park, Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda Or in Nashville, Tennessee. (NO, NO, NO!) You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me Don't want to land in no San Juan Airport, “Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your Or the Yukon Territory. (NO, NO, NO!) tucker bag? You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me” Don't want land in no San Diego, Don't want to land in no Buzzard's Bay. (NO, Up jumped the swagman and plunged into the NO, NO!) billabong Don't want to land on no Ayatollah. “You'll never catch me alive,” cried he I got nothing more to say. And his ghost may be heard as you ride beside the billabong (sing CHORUS twice) “You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me”

Waltzing Matilda • Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda “You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me” performed by Ian Dowell at MSF 1990 And his ghost may be heard as you ride beside C E7 Am the billabong Once a jolly swagman sat beside a “You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me” F Fm6 billa bong Winnie-the-Pooh C G7 Under the shade of a coolibab tree C E7 Am Winnie the Pooh And he sang as he sat and waited while From "Winnie the Pooh and A Day for Eeyore" Fm his billy boiled Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. C G7 C Sherman “ You'll come a-waltzing, Ma tilda, with me” ( [Narrator:] This could be the room of any small boy, but it C F just Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda happens to belong to a boy named Christopher C D7 G7 Robin. Like You'll come a-waltzing, Ma tilda, with me most small boys, Christopher Robin has toy C E7 Am animals to play And he sang as he sat and waited while with, and they all live together in a wonderful F Fm his billy boiled world of C G7 C make-believe. But, his best friend is a bear You'll come a-waltzing, Ma tilda, with me called Winnie the Pooh or Pooh for short. Now Pooh had Down came a jumbuck to drink beside the some very unusual billabong adventures, and they all happened right here in Up jumped the swagman and seized him with the hundred glee acre wood. ) 98 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest With a hefty-happy appetite I'm a hefty-happy Chorus: Pooh. Deep in the hundred acre wood where Christopher Robin plays Chorus You'll find the enchanted neighborhood of With a hefty-happy appetite he's a hefty-happy Christopher's childhood days Pooh. A donkey named Eeyore is his friend and Kanga and little Roo Tigger's Song There's Rabbit and Piglet and there's Owl, but From "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day" most of all Winnie the Pooh Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman Winnie the Pooh performed by: Paul Winchell [Tigger] Winnie the Pooh Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are He's Winnie the Pooh wonderful things Winnie the Pooh Their tops are made outta rubba, their bottoms Willy nilly silly old bear are made outta springs Their bouncy trouncy flouncy pouncy fun fun fun Stoutness Exercise fun fun But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is From "Winnie The Pooh and the Honey Tree" I'm the only one Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. I'm the only one Sherman performed by: Sterling Holloway [Pooh] Rumbly in my Tumbly song ( [Pooh] From "Winnie The Pooh and the Honey Tree" Up - Down - Up ) Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman When I up, down, touch the ground it puts me in performed by: Sterling Holloway [Pooh] the mood Up, down, touch the ground in the mood Hum dum dee dum {smacks lips} for food Hum dum dee dum I am stout, round and I have found speaking I'm so rumbly in my tumbly poundage-wise Time to munch an early luncheon I improve my appetite when I exercise Hum dee dum dum {ripping sound} {hits head on branch} ( Oh stuff and fluff Oh I wouldn't climb this tree, if a Pooh flew like a {ties his back together again} bee But I wouldn't be a bear then, and so I guess I That's better. wouldn't care then There's some honey and I'm a Pooh bear and {reflection in the mirror talks back} that's all I do care and so I'll climb there Thank you I'm so rumbly in my tumbly, time for something Now, where was I? {smack's lips} time for something {grumbling sound from stomach} {branch breaks} sweet ... to eat Oh, yes, I'm rumbly in my tumbly. Time for something sweet ) The Rain Rain Rain Came Down I am short, fat, and proud of that and so with all Down Down my might I up, down, up-down to my appetite's delight From "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day" While I up, down, touch the ground I think of Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. things to chew Sherman ( Mmm, like honey, milk, and chocolate ) Chorus: The rain rain rain came down down down Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 99

in rushing rising rivlets For truly they're the heros of the day Till the river crept out of its bed So we say Hip Hip Hooray for the Piglet and the and crept right into Piglet's Pooh For Piglet he was frightened with quite a rightful Piglet and Pooh are our heros fright for deeds bravery and generosity [Men:] Hip Hip Horray And so in desparation a message he did write Hip Hip Horray Hip Hip Horray for Winnie the Pooh ( [PIGLET] Help! ( [Piglet:] P-P-Piglet And Piglet too... ) Me! ) Pooh in the Honey Tree [Women:] From "Winnie The Pooh and the Honey Tree" He placed it in a bottle and it floated out of sight Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman Chorus: performed by: Sterling Holloway [Pooh] And the rain rain rain came down down down so Piglet started bailing Bears love honey and I'm a Pooh bear Yum Yum Yum Yum [Men:] {slurp slurp slurp slurp} He was unaware atop his chair Yum Yum Yum Yum while bailing he was sailing Time for something sweet

[Women:] Chorus And the rain rain rain came down down down Winnie the Pooh and the flood rose up-up-upper Winnie the Pooh Willy nilly {Pooh bear winks} silly old bear Chorus: Pooh too was caught and so he thought Heffalumps and Woozles [Pooh:] From "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day" I must rescue my supper Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman Chorus: Ten honey pots he rescued enough to see him They're black they're brown they're up their through down But as he sopped up his supper They're in they're out they're all about The river sopped up Pooh They're far they're near they're gone they're here They're quick and slick and insincere [Men:] Beware Beware Be a very wary bear And the water twirled and tossed him In a honey pot A Heffalump or Woozle is very confusel The Heffalump or woosel is very sly Chorus: - sly - sly - sly ... rain rain rain came down down down They come in ones and twoosels when the rain rain rain came down down down but if they so choosels ... (fade) before your eyes you'll see them multiply - ply - ply - ply

Hero Party They're extra-ordinary so better be wary Because they come in every shape and size From "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day" - size - size - size Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman If honey is what you covet you'll find that they We never will forget our hero of the wet love it Our quick thinking unsinking Pooh bear Because they guzzle up the thing you prize And Piglet who indeed helped out a friend in need 100 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest They're green they're blue they're pink they're I'm just a little black rain cloud, hovering under white the honeytree They're round they're square they're a terrible I'm only a little black rain cloud, pay no attention sight to little me They tie themselves in horrible knots They come in stripes or polka-dots [Pooh and Christopher Robin:] Everyone knows that a rain cloud never eats Beware Beware Be a very wary bear honey, no not a nip

{musical interlude} [Pooh:] I'm just floating around over the ground They're extra-ordinary so better be wary wondering where I will drip Because they come in every shape and size - size - size - size {sound of bee buzzing}

If honey's what you covet you'll find that they ( Christopher Robin? I think the bees S-U-S-P- love it E-C-T something Because they guzzle up the things you prize [Christopher Robin:] They're black they're brown they're up their Perhaps they think you're after their honey? down [Pooh:] They're in they're out they're all about Why it may be that. You never can tell with They're far they're near they're gone they're here bees. ) They're quick and slick and insincere Beware Beware Beware Beware Beware .... Oh, I'm just a little black rain cloud hovering under the honeytree Hum for a Blustery Day From "Winnie The Pooh and the Blustery Day" {Pooh is subdued by the bees} Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman The Pooh will Soon be Free Scored and Conducted by Buddy Baker From "Winnie The Pooh and the Honey Tree" performed by: Sterling Holloway [Pooh] Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman Hum dum dum ditty dum Hum dum dum Hurray for you Hurray for me Oh the wind is lashing lustily Hurray, Hurray And the trees are thrashing thrustily The Pooh will soon be free And the leaves are rustling gustily So it's rather safe to say Dum da dum pa rum pa rum pa rum That it seems that it may turn out to be Now the time has come for proving what the diet It feels that it will undoubtedly did to Pooh It looks like a rather blustery day, today And since we pledged he'd be unwedged that's It sounds that it may turn out to be what we're going to do Feels that it will undoubtedly He'll be pulled and he'll be tugged and Looks like a rather blustery day today eventually unplugged We'll have a tug of war To open rabbit's door

Think heave-ish I'm Just a Little Black Rain Cloud Think ho-ish From "Winnie The Pooh and the Honey Tree" And out the Pooh will go-ish For Hi-Ho the matter has made the Pooh un- Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. fatter Sherman performed by: Sterling Holloway [Pooh], Jon Heave! Walmsley [Christopher Robin] Ho! Heave! [Pooh:] Ho! Heave Heave Heave Heave Heeeeeeeeave Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 101

The Wizard of Oz MUNCH:You've killed her so completely, that we thank you very sweetly.

Over the Rainbow GLINDA:Let the joyous news be spread, Music: Harold Arlen; Lyrics: E.Y. Harburg the wicked old witch at last is dead.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, CHORUS: Way up high, There's a land that I heard of MUNCHS:Ding dong the witch is dead. Once in a lullabye. Which old witch? The wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is dead! Somewhere, over the rainbow, Wake up you sleepy head, Bluebirds fly. Rub your eyes, get out of bed! Birds fly over the rainbow, Wake up the wicked witch is dead! Why, oh why, can't I? She's gone where the goblins go, Below, below, below, Someday I'll wish upon a star Yo-ho, and open up and sing, And wake up where the clouds And ring the bells out. Are far behind me. Ding dong the merry-oh! Where troubles melt like lemon drops Sing it high, sing it low. Away above the chimney tops Let them know the wicked witch is dead! That's where you'll find me. MAYOR:As mayor of the Munchkin City, in that Somewhere, over the rainbow, county, of the land of Oz, Bluebirds fly. I welcome you most regally. Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then, oh why, can't I? MUNCH1:But we've got to verify it legally! To see ... If happy little bluebirds fly above the rainbow MAYOR:To see? Why, oh why, can't I? MUNCH1:If she . . . Ding Dong the Witch is Dead MAYOR:If she? DOR:It really was no miracle, what happened was just this: MUNCH1:Is morally, ethically The wind began to switch, the house to pitch, And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch, MUNCH2:Spiritually, physically Just then, the witch, to satisfy an itch, Went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a MUNCH3:Positively, absolutely hitch. 1,2,3:Undeniably, and reliably dead! MUNCH:And, Oh!, what happened then was rich. MUNCH:As Coroner, I must aver, I've thoroughly examined her, MUNCHS:The house began to pitch, the And she is not just nearly dead, pitching took a switch She's really most sincerely dead. And landed on the wicked witch, in the middle of a ditch, which MAYOR:Then this is a day of independence, Was not a healthy sitch- For all the munchkins, and their descendants. uation for the wicked witch. (repeat last 4 lines) MUNCH1:If any!

MUNCHS:Who began to twitch, and was MAYOR:Yes, let the joyous news be spread, reduced to just a snitch, The wicked old witch, at last, is dead. Of what was once the wicked witch. CHORUS: MUNCH:We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly. MUNCHS:We represent 102 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest The Lullaby League, The Lullaby League, The MUNCHS:Who began to twitch, and was Lullaby League, reduced to just a snitch, And in the name of The Lullaby League Of what was once the wicked witch. We wish to welcome you to Munchkin land. MUNCH:We thank you very sweetly, MUNCHS: We represent for doing it so neatly. The Lollipop Guild, The Lollipop Guild, The Lollipop Guild, MUNCH:You've killed her so completely, And in the name of The Lollipop Guild that we thank you very sweetly. WE WISH TO WELCOME YOU TO Munchkin land. GLINDA:Let the joyous news be spread, the wicked old witch at last is dead. MUNCHS:We welcome you to Munchkin land. Tra La-la-la-la-la La-la-la La-la-la CHORUS: La-la-la-la-la La-la MUNCHS:Ding dong the witch is dead. MAYOR:From now on you'll be history. Which old witch? The wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is dead! MUNCH1:You'll be his. . . Wake up you sleepy head, Rub your eyes, get out of bed! MUNCH2:You'll be his. . . Wake up the wicked witch is dead! She's gone where the goblins go, MUNCH3:You'll be history. Below, below, below, Yo-ho, and open up and sing, ALL-4:And we will glorify your name. And ring the bells out. Ding dong the merry-oh! MUNCH1:You will be a bust Sing it high, sing it low. Let them know the wicked witch is dead! MUNCH2:Be a bust MAYOR:As mayor of the Munchkin City, in that MUNCH3: Be a bust county, of the land of Oz, I welcome you most regally. ALL-4:In the Hall of Fame. MUNCH1:But we've got to verify it legally! To MUNCHS:Tra-la-la-la-la La-la-la La-la-la Tra- see ... la-la-la-la La-la (repeat twice but stop on the last La-la as if the MAYOR:To see? witch of the west just landed.) MUNCH1:If she . . . Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" MAYOR:If she? DOR:It really was no miracle, what happened was just this: MUNCH1:Is morally, ethically The wind began to switch, the house to pitch, And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch, MUNCH2:Spiritually, physically Just then, the witch, to satisfy an itch, Went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a MUNCH3:Positively, absolutely hitch. 1,2,3:Undeniably, and reliably dead! MUNCH:And, Oh!, what happened then was rich. MUNCH:As Coroner, I must aver, I've thoroughly examined her, MUNCHS:The house began to pitch, the And she is not just nearly dead, pitching took a switch She's really most sincerely dead. And landed on the wicked witch, in the middle of a ditch, which MAYOR:Then this is a day of independence, Was not a healthy sitch- For all the munchkins, and their descendants. uation for the wicked witch. (repeat last 4 lines) MUNCH1:If any!

MAYOR:Yes, let the joyous news be spread, Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 103

The wicked old witch, at last, is dead. For any individ'l In trouble or in pain. CHORUS: DOR:With the thoughts you'd be thinkin' MUNCHS:We represent You could be another Lincoln, The Lullaby League, The Lullaby League, The If you only had a brain. Lullaby League, And in the name of The Lullaby League F We wish to welcome you to Munchkin land. SCARE:Oh I! C MUNCHS: We represent Could tell you why The Lollipop Guild, The Lollipop Guild, The Dm G7 C Lollipop Guild, The ocean's near the shore. And in the name of The Lollipop Guild D D C WE WISH TO WELCOME YOU TO Munchkin I could think of things I'd never thunk be fore, land. Am G And then I'd sit, and think some more. MUNCHS:We welcome you to Munchkin land. Tra La-la-la-la-la La-la-la La-la-la I would not be just a nothin', La-la-la-la-la La-la My head all full of stuffin', My heart all full of pain. MAYOR:From now on you'll be history. I would dance and be merry, Life would be a ding-a-derry MUNCH1:You'll be his. . . If I only had a brain.

MUNCH2:You'll be his. . . ------

MUNCH3:You'll be history. TIN:When a man's an empty kettle, He should be on his metal, ALL-4:And we will glorify your name. And yet I'm torn apart, Just because I'm presumin', MUNCH1:You will be a bust That I could be kind and human If I only had a heart. MUNCH2:Be a bust I'd be tender, I'd be gentle, MUNCH3: Be a bust And awful sentimental, Regarding love and art. ALL-4:In the Hall of Fame. I'd be friends with the sparrows, And the boy who shoots the arrows, MUNCHS:Tra-la-la-la-la La-la-la La-la-la Tra- If I only had a heart. la-la-la-la La-la (repeat twice but stop on the last La-la as if the Picture me, witch of the west just landed.) A balcony, Above a voice sings low, ``Wherefore art thou, Romeo?'' If I Only Had a ... I'd hear a beat, klunk klunk, how sweet! C C Just to register emotion, SCARE:I could while away the hours, Jealousy, devotion, Am Am And really feel the part. Con fering with the flowers, I could stay young and chipper, C G C And I'd lock it with a zipper, Con sulting with the rain. If I only had a heart. F F And my head I'd be scratching, ------G G While my thoughts were busy hatching, C F C LION:Yeah, it's sad, believe me missy, If I only had a brain. When you're born to be a sissy, Without the vim and verve. I'd unravel every riddle, But I could show my prowess, 104 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Be a lion, not a mou-wess, Ha ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ah-NUT. If I only had the nerve. If I, if I were rey.

I'm afraid there's no denying, DOR:Your majesty, if you were king you I'm just a ``dandy'' lion, wouldn't be afraid of anything? A fate I don't deserve. I'd be brave as a blizzard. LION:Not nobody, not no how!

TIN:I'd be gentle as a lizard. TIN:Not even a rhinoceros?

SCARE:I'd be clever as a gizzard. LION:Imposserous!

DOR:If the wizard is a wizard who will serve. DOR:How about a hippopotamus?

SCARE:Then I'm sure to get a brain. LION:Why I'd thrash him from top to bottomus.

TIN:A heart. DOR:Supposen you met an elephant?

DOR:A home. LION:I'd wrap him up in cellaphant.

LION:The nerve. SCARE:What if it were a brontosaraus?

ALL:Oh! We're off to see the wizard LION:I'd show him who was king of the forest! The wonderful wizard of Oz. We hear he is a wiz of a wiz, ALL BUT LION:How? If ever a wiz there was. If ever, oh ever, a wiz there was, LION:How?! The wizard of Oz is one because, Courage! Because, because, because, because, because What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! Because of the wonderful things he does. What makes the flag on the mast to wave? (music: da de-dil de-dum de-do) Courage! We're off to see the wizard What makes the elephant charge his tusk, in the misty mist If I Were King of the Forest or the dusky dusk? LION:If I were king of the forest, What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Not queen, not duke, not prince, Courage! My regal robes of the forest, What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Would be satin, not cotton, not chintz'. Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? I'd command each thing, be it fish or fowl, Courage! With a ruff, and a RUFF, and a royal growl. What makes the Hottentot so hot? (RUFF.) What puts the ape in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got? As I click my heel, all the trees would kneel, And the mountains bow, and the wolves kowtow, ALL BUT LION:Courage! And the sparrow would take wing, LION:You can say that again. If I, if I were king. The Merry Old Land of Oz Each rabbit would show respect to me, MUNCH:Ha-ha-ha Ho-ho-ho, The chipmunks genuflect to me. and a couple of Tra-la-la's Though my tail would lash That's how we laugh the day away I would show compash' in the merry old land of Oz. For every underling If I, if I were king, ALL:Buzz-buzz-buzz Chirp-chirp-chirp Just king. and a couple of La-de-da's That's how the crickets crick all day (Orchestra really loses it's cool now, but soon in the merry old land of Oz. comes back to earth) We get up at twelve, and start to work at one. Monarch am I, and I shall reign, Take an hour lunch, and then at two we're done. Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 105

MUNCH:Jolly good fun! Some women like to dress up nice In all them fancy styles ALL:Ha-ha-ha Ho-ho-ho, They like to act real stinky-like and a couple of Tra-la-la's And use their feminine wiles That's how we laugh the day away But good ol’ girls like us in the merry old land of Oz. We never even bathe (repeat last four lines) We smoke and drink And sure we stink MUNCH1:Pack, pack here But boy the fun we have MUNCH2:Pack, pack there MUNCH3:And a couple of brand new straws. Women like to have their fun ALL:That's how we keep you young and fair, And drink malt liquor too. In the merry old land of Oz. We sit at bars And smoke cigars MUNCH4:Rub, rub here And spit out when we chew MUNCH5:Rub, rub there We like to cuss MUNCH6:Whether you're tin or bronze And make a fuss ALL:That's how we keep you in repair, We love a dirty fight In the merry old land of Oz. But we are perfect ladies So you better treat us right MUNCH7:We can make one dimple smile, another frown. We like our menfolk rough and tough DOR:Can you even dye my eyes to match my Forget that fluff and lace gown? If anyone is rude to us MUNCH7:Uh-huh! We’ll sock’em in the face DOR:Jolly old town! And hard times make us lonely But not for very long MUNCHS:Clip, clip here We’ll pull into a roadside bar Clip, clip there And then we’ll sing our song We give the roughest claws LION:That certain air of savoir-faire, Women like to have their fun In the merry old land of Oz. HA! And drink malt liquor too. We sit at bars SCARE:Ha-ha-ha And smoke cigars TIN:Ho-ho-ho And spit out when we chew DOR:Ha-ha-ha-ha And there ain’t no occasion LION:HA! At which we won’t raise a glass ALL:That's how we laugh the day away, So if you think my manners stink In the merry old land of Oz. Then you can kiss my ass. (repeat last two lines) ??? Women Like to Have Their Fun About a toothless grin They take one look, that sets the hook (And Drink Malt Liquor Too) And then we reel’em in. By Lee Brennan They are so taken by our charms performed at MSF 1988 That there’s no need to flirt by Rogina Haase, Stephanie Hesla, Ainsley When menfolk see us comin’ Beardwood, Sue Smith They yell “fellas, hit the dirt” Women like to have their fun They times they are a’changin’ And drink malt liquor too. On that you can depend We sit at bars But we will be enjoyin’ life And smoke cigars Until the bitter end And spit out when we chew And all the troubles that we face We like to cuss They ain’t a heavy load And make a fuss We just turn’em into music We even like to dance And we take’em on the road Our specialty’s the Can-Can Like they do in Paris, France So if you like to have some fun 106 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest And drink malt liquor too. C D You all come down and set a spell I'll say, "My darlin', you were w onderful And we can have a brew Gsus G And we can tell you stories to night " And you can be our friend But just like every story Wonderful Tonight (MSF version) This song has got to end. • Wonderful Tonight By Eric Clapton & David Allen performed at MSF 1994 by David Allen, Ian Dowell, by Eric Clapton Steve Dubin, Jennifer Sydney & Mindy Wakefield Intro: It's late in the evening, G D/F# C/E D she wants some dry clothes to wear,

she puts on her bug stuff G D/F# C/E and brushes her soggy hair It's late in the evening, she's wondering D And then she asks me what clothes to do I look alright wear. and I say yes, G D/F# C/E you're at MSF tonight. She puts on her make-up, and brushes D We go to the travesty her long blonde hair. and everyone turns to see C D G D/F# this beautiful lady And then she asks me, do I look all who balances on one knee Em right, and then she asks me C D7 G did I do alright And I say yes, you look wonderful to night and I say yes you were quite a klutz tonight repeat Intro You were quite a klutz because you fell of the We go to a party and everyone turns to see dock into the pond This beautiful lady that's walking along with me and the wonder of it all, is that you just don't And then she asked me: "Do you feel alright?" realize, And I said: "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight" you nearly drowned.

It's time for the bonfire, Am Bm C D7 and I've got an aching head And I feel wonderful, be cause I see My tent would be nice now, G but the latrine calls instead the love-light D/F# Em in your eyes and then I tell her C D7 C as the stars come out bright then the wonder of it all is that you just I say my darling D7 This was wonderful tonight. don't rea lise how much G The Worm Song I love you. by Meryl Brott MSF 2000 repeat Into Bye bye worm, It's time to go home now, but I've got an aching Bye bye worm, head Thanks for coming to play today So I give her the car keys and she helps me to Now you're in the soil and gone away. bed Bye bye worm, And then I tell her, as I turn out the light Bye bye worm, I say: "Darling, you are wonderful tonight" Bye bye. Oh my darling, you are wonderful tonight Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 107

And to not get damp Year by Year Year by Year! sung to the tune of “Day by Day” from Godspell new lyrics by Carla Guenette (repeat from top) Performed in 1998 as part of “Broadway in (at end of repeat, then continue:) Royalton” by Guenette/Schaffer Productions Year by Year! Year by year by year by year by year... Year by Year! Oh dear lord, three things I pray

To jump on the tramp To have fun at camp 108 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Trivia: In every show that Tom Jones and Harvey Rain Songs Schmidt (The Fantasticks) wrote, there is at least one song about rain.

Song Artist Album Song Artist Album A Hard Rain's A- Dylan Bob Non Album Rain Gonna Fall Tracks Everytime That It Brooks Garth Garth Brooks A Little Fall Of Rain Les Les Miserables Rains Miserables (Act 2) Falling Of The Rain Joel Billy Cold Spring A Little Rain Waits Tom Bone Machine Harbor A Rainy Night In Pogues Non Album Fire And Rain Taylor James Non Album Soho Tracks Tracks Acid Rain Silverchair Misc Songs Flowers Never Simon And Parsley Sage After The Rain Angels Face To-Face Us Bend With The Garfunkel Rosemary And After The Rain Cockburn Dancing In The Rainfall Thyme Bruce Dragons Jaws Fool In The Rain Led Zepplin In Through The Ain't Gonna Rain Cave Nick And Let Love In Out Door Anymore The Bad Freight Train Blues Dylan Bob Bob Dylan Seeds Garden In The Sinatra Frank Best Of Frank Alligator Brain Ten Hands Be My Guru Rain, A Sinatra 3 Another Rainy Queensryche Empire Georgia Rain Kadison Painted Desert Night (Without Joshua Serenade You) Go Where The Radio To Have Or To Another Song Cracker Non Album Rain Goes Architecture Be About The Rain Tracks Gravity's Rainbow Benatar Pat Gravitys Appalachian Rain Berg Matraca Lying To The Rainbow Moon Handful Of Rain Savatage Handful Of Rain Ballet For A Rainy XTC Skylarking Hatful Of Rain Del Amitri Waking Hours Day Have You Ever Creedence Non Album Bangkok Rain Cult Ceremony Seen The Rain Clearwater Tracks Black Cloud Rain Hart Corey Non Album Revival Tracks Have You Ever Tyler Bonnie Faster Than The Black Summer Clapton Eric No Reason To Seen The Rain? Speed Of Night Rain Cry Heart Full Of Rain Raye Collin I Think About Blue Eyes Cryin' In Newton John Come On Over You The Rain Olivia Heavy Cloud No Sting Ten Summoners Box Of Rain Grateful Dead Grateful Dead Rain Tales Bring Down The Dio Strange Heavy Rain Hall And Change Of Rain Highways Oates Season Candles In The Melanie Non Album Here Comes The Eurythmics Non Album Rain Tracks Rain Again Tracks Caught In The Rain Quarterflash Back Into Blue Here's That Rainy Sinatra Frank Best Of Frank Cold Haily Rainy Unknown Non Album Day Sinatra 5 Night Tracks Here's That Rainy Törnqvist A Night Like This Cold Rain Crosby Stills Csn Day Rebecka Nash Hill Country Rain Walker Jerry Country Rain Cold Rain And Grateful Dead Grateful Dead Jeff Snow Hold Back The Duran Duran Rio Colossal Rains Paradise Lost Icon Rain Common As The Wilcox David Non Album Horses Through A Crosby Stills Box Set Disc1 Rain Tracks Rainstorm Nash Consider The Rain Tikaram The Sweet I Can't Stand The Turner Tina Private Dancer Tanita Keeper Rain Cry Like A Costello Elvis Lyrics Wanted I Can't Stop The Kiss Peter Criss - Rainstorm Misc Rain 1978 Crying In The Rain A Ha A Ha I Feel The Rain Fall Red House Songs For A Crying In The Rain Everly Non Album Painters Blue Guitar Brothers Tracks I Listen To The Craven Promise Me Crying In The Rain Whitesnake 1987 Rain Beverly December African Juluka Work For All I Think Its Gonna Unknown Non Album Rain Rain Today Tracks Dont Rain On My Misc Non Album I Wish It Would Griffith Nanci Little Love Affairs Parade Tracks Rain Early Mornin Rain Peter Paul Non Album I Wish It Would Collins Phil But Seriously And Mary Tracks Rain Down Early Mornin' Rain Lightfoot, Lightfoot! Ice Out In The Rain Easton Madness Money Gordon Sheena And Music Early Morning Rain Moxy Fruvous Non Album In The Rain Madness Absolutely Tracks Incomplete Eastern Rain Fairport What We Did On It Aint Gonna Rain Unknown Non Album Convention Our Holidays Tracks Europe After The Foxx John Assembly It Aint Gonna Rain Unknown Non Album Rain No More Tracks Europe After The Kreator Renewal It Can't Rain All Siberry Jane The Crow Rain The Time Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 109

Song Artist Album Song Artist Album The Time It Never Rains Dire Straits Love Over Gold It Never Rains Dire Straits Love Over Gold It's Just The Rain Journey Trial By Fire It's Just The Rain Journey Trial By Fire It's Raining Tjomas Irma Non Album It's Raining Tjomas Irma Non Album Tracks Tracks It's Raining Again Supertramp Famous Last It's Raining Again Supertramp Famous Last Words Words It's Raining Men Weather Girls Non Album It's Raining Men Weather Girls Non Album Tracks Tracks It's Raining On Grease Grease It's Raining On Grease Grease Prom Night Soundtrack Prom Night Soundtrack Jaswant's Rain Borrowers Best Of The Jaswant's Rain Borrowers Best Of The Borrowers Borrowers Just A Little Rain Unknown Non Album Just A Little Rain Unknown Non Album Tracks Tracks Kingdom Of Rain The The Mind Bomb Kingdom Of Rain The The Mind Bomb Laughter In The Sedaka Neil Non Album Laughter In The Sedaka Neil Non Album Rain Tracks Rain Tracks Let It Rain Clapton Eric Eric Clapton Let It Rain Clapton Eric Eric Clapton Let It Rain Hine Rupert The Deep End Let It Rain Hine Rupert The Deep End Let It Rain Marshall Amanda Let It Rain Marshall Amanda Amanda Marshall Amanda Marshall Let The Rain Come Childs Toni Union Let The Rain Come Childs Toni Union Done Done Live The Rain Mcguire None Live The Rain Mcguire None Michael Michael Look At The Rain Meat Puppets Huevos Look At The Rain Meat Puppets Huevos Looks Like Rain Grateful Dead Non Album Looks Like Rain Grateful Dead Non Album Tracks Tracks Mandolin Rain Hornsby Bruce Way It Is Mandolin Rain Hornsby Bruce Way It Is May Sunshine Rain Dada Puzzle May Sunshine Rain Dada Puzzle Midnight Rain Poco Under The Gun Midnight Rain Poco Under The Gun Mission In The Grateful Dead Non Album Mission In The Grateful Dead Non Album Rain Tracks Rain Tracks More Than Rain Waits Tom Franks Wild More Than Rain Waits Tom Franks Wild Years Years Mr. Rainmaker Warrant Cherry Pie Mr. Rainmaker Warrant Cherry Pie Mulu The Rain Dolby Thomas Flat Earth Mulu The Rain Dolby Thomas Flat Earth Forest Forest Naked In The Rain Dio Dream Evil Naked In The Rain Dio Dream Evil Naked In The Rain Red Hot Chili Blood Sugar Sex Naked In The Rain Red Hot Chili Blood Sugar Sex Peppers Magik Peppers Magik No Rain Blind Melon Blind Melon No Rain Blind Melon Blind Melon November Rain Guns N Roses Use Your Illusion November Rain Guns N Roses Use Your Illusion I I On The Rain Shudder To Ten Spot On The Rain Shudder To Ten Spot Think Think One More Rainy Deep Purple Singles A's And One More Rainy Deep Purple Singles A's And Day B's Day B's One More Rainy Deep Purple Shades Of Deep One More Rainy Deep Purple Shades Of Deep Day (Lord, Purple Day (Lord, Purple Evans) Evans) Only Happy When Garbage Garbage Only Happy When Garbage Garbage It Rains It Rains Outside The Rain Nicks Stevie Non Album Outside The Rain Nicks Stevie Non Album Tracks Tracks Pencil Rain They Might Be Lincoln Pencil Rain They Might Be Lincoln Giants Giants Pouring Rain 5:11 Fishbone Truth And Soul Pouring Rain 5:11 Fishbone Truth And Soul Pray For Rain Bad English Backlash Pray For Rain Bad English Backlash Pray For Rain Ten Hands The Big One Is Pray For Rain Ten Hands The Big One Is Coming Coming Prayers For Rain Cure Disintegration Prayers For Rain Cure Disintegration Purple Rain Prince Purple Rain Purple Rain Prince Purple Rain Queen Of Rain Roxette Tourism Queen Of Rain Roxette Tourism Radium Rain Cockburn Big Radium Rain Cockburn Big Bruce Circumstance Bruce Circumstance Rain Beatles Past Masters Rain Beatles Past Masters Volume Two Volume Two Rain Candlebox Candlebox Rain Candlebox Candlebox Rain Cult Love Rain Cult Love Rain Erasure Cowboy Rain Erasure Cowboy 110 Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest Song Artist Album Song Artist Album Rain Lost In Reality Lost In Reality Bikinis Rain Madonna Erotica See The Sky About Young Neil On The Beach Rain Rundgren Faithful To Rain Todd Seeing A Rainbow Kruger Kris Non Album Rain Shonen Knife 712 In The Stormy Tracks Rain Skinny Puppy Rabies Night Sky Rain Uriah Heep Magicians Seems It Never Hammond Non Album Birthday Rains In Albert Tracks Rain Child Max Webster High Class In Southern Borrowed California Shoes September In The Sinatra Frank Best Of Frank Rain Covered Cat Shudder To Get Your Goat Rain Sinatra 6 Think Shadows In The Police Zenyatta Rain Dogs Waits Tom Rain Dogs Rain Mondatta Rain King Counting August And Shadows In The Sting Dream Of The Crows Everything Rain Blue Turtles After She Gathers Rain Collective Soul Collective Soul Rain King Sonic Youth Daydream Shelter From The All About Eve All About Eve Nation Rain Rain Must Fall Queen The Miracle Shelter From The Angels Angels Greatest Rain On The Mellencamp Scarecrow Rain Scarecrow John Silver Shoes In The Hine, Rupert The Deep End Cougar Rain Rain Rain Rain Roxy Music Flesh Blood Silvery Rain Newton John, Physical Rain Street Pogues Hells Ditch Olivia Rain Tree Crow Rain Tree Rain Tree Crow Singing In The Kelly Gene Singing In The Crow Rain Rain Rain When I Die Alice In Dirt Singing In The Martyn John Bless The Chains Rain Weather Rain's Comin' Schon Neal Late Nite So Central Rain R.E.M. Reckoning Down (I'm Sorry) Rainbow Man Pogues Hells Ditch Soft Rains Of April A Ha Scoundrel Days Raincloud Banks Tony Bankstatement Standing In The Husker Du Non Album Raindrops Keep Bacharach Non Album Rain Tracks Falling On My Burt Tracks Summer Rain Alphaville The Breathtaking Head Blue Rainfall Cockburn Further Summer Rain Carlisle Runaway Horses Bruce Adventures Of Belinda Rainin' Sponge Rotting Pinata Summer’s Rain Savatage Gutter Ballet Raining Ultimate Another Stormy Sunshine Rain King's X Dogman Sacrifice Night Sure Got Cold After ZZ Top Rio Grande Mud Raining In Counting August And The Rain Fell Baltimore Crows Everything Tears In The Rain Triumph The Sport Of After Kings Raining On Our Twain Shania The Woman In Ten Days Of Rain Stewart Rod Every Beat Of Love Me My Heart Raining On The Grant Amy Non Album That Rainy Day Fortunes Non Album Inside Tracks Feeling Again Tracks Rainkeeper Rhodes Happy Rhodes Vol I The Coming Rains Cockburn The Charity of Rainmaker Kansas In The Spirit Of Bruce Night Things The Earth, The Color Me Now And Rainy Day People Lightfoot Cold On The Sun, The Rain Badd Forever Gordon Shoulder The Rain Carter Carlene Little Love Rainy Day Sun Spinal Tap Break Like The Letters Wind The Rain Roxette Rainy Day Women Dylan Bob Non Album The Rain Song Led Zeppelin Houses Of The 12 35 Tracks Holy Rainy Days And Carpenters Weve Only Just The Sun & The Depeche A Broken Frame Mondays Begun Rainfall Mode Rainy Night In Franks Passion Fruit The Sun And The The Sun And Tokyo Michael Rain The Rain Red Rain Gabriel Peter So The Trip To Adventures Sea Of Love Rhythm Of The Cascades Non Album Bountiful (When Rain Tracks The Rain Comes Rider In The Rain Newman Little Criminals Down) Randy Thoughts On A Cockburn Bruce Cockburn Right As Rain Rosetta Stone The Tyranny Of Rainy Afternoon Bruce Inaction Through The Rain Cinderella Still Climbing Run Between The Benatar Pat Seven The Hard Tinseltown In The Blue Nile A Walk Across Raindrops Way Rain The Rooftops Running In The New Model Vengeance Train Running Low XTC Big Express Rain Army On Soul Coal Same Rain Phillips Sam Martinis And Waiting For The Judybats Native Son Bikinis Rain Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 111

Song Artist Album Rain Walk Between Fagen Donald Nightfly Raindrops Walk Out In The Clapton Eric Backless Rain Wash The Rain World On World On Edge Edge Watercolours In Roxette Joyride The Rain When It Rains It They Might Be Misc T Snows Giants When It's Raining Pm Dawn The Bliss Album Cats And Dogs Where The Rain Helloween Master Of The Grows Rings Who Let In The Lauper Cyndi Twelve Deadly Rain Cyns...and Then Some Who Will Stop The Asia Aqua Rain ? Who'll Stop The Heaven 17 The Luxury Gap Rain Who’ll Stop The Creedence Non Album Rain Clearwater Tracks Revival

Cacophony: The Songs of Midsummerfest 113