“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1514 09.03.12 The student voice of Imperial College since 1949 UNION ELECTION MANIFESTOS PULLOUT Make up your mind on where to place your vote this year using our eight page guide inside!

TECHNOLOGY THIEF CAUGHT IN The secrets of the Fire alarm used as opportunity for student thefts: Page 5 Election website Page 10

ARTS

Some like it dramatic with ICSM Page 18

TELEVISION £10 million awarded to College Healthcare Sophia David country submitted bids for the award cal investigative sciences at Imperial est research discoveries into clinical Imperial College Healthcare has been which were judged based on the qual- College Healthcare NHS Trust and practice to benefi t our patients.” awarded over £10m from the National ity and volume of medical research head of experimental medicine, said, Set up in 2001, the McMichael Institute for Health Research (NIHR) they support, and the strength of their “This is a very prestigious award and Clinical Research Facility has recent- to develop new treatments. The Trust partnerships with universities and in- is a testament to the excellent clinical ly reopened on the ground fl oor of the successfully bid for the funding to dustry. The award will fund research research already happening in Impe- Imperial Centre for Translation and support its newly refurbished Well- nurses and technician posts as well rial College Healthcare Trust. Experimental Medicine at Hammer- It’s time to fi re up come Trust McMichael Clinical Re- as support studies into treatments for “This funding, and the strong part- smith Hospital. It specialises in the search Facility at Hammersmith Hos- conditions including cancer, diabetes, nership between Imperial College design and implementation of early the Quattro! pital. stroke and obesity. London and our Trust, will ensure that phase clinical trials including fi rst- Healthcare trusts from around the Martin Wilkins, director of clini- we are well placed to translate the lat- time-in-human trials. Page 27 2 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS

What’s on MANIFESTO PULLOUT CLASSIFIEDS Promises are made, will they be ICU Cinema Friendly girl from Imperial looking for female stu- dents to share a 3 double bedroom fl at at Esher Gar- Spring All-Nighter kept? dens, Southfi eld (District line Wimbledon direction). Large living room, recently furnished, family bath- room and separate toilet, balcony, c o m m u n a l Tuesday 20th March 2012 gardens, double glazing, close to town centre, 18 mins walk from Southfi eld tube station, 24hr bus be- tween Wimbledon and Putney Bridge (2mins walk). It’s that time of the term again... It’s time for Internet connections available and all bills are in- the epic film-fest that is the ICU Cinema Spring cluded with the exception of telephone. All-Nighter. Rooms are £110 per week and £130 per week per person. No pets and no smoking. Six films. Contact 07715452186. 6pm to 7:30am. Tuesday 20th March 2012. Medium sized double room available in fl at on a pri- 18:00 Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol vate, gated community in West Brompton. 24-hour 20:45 Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows security, parking space, swimming pool/gym com- 23:30 The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo plex, and in walking distance of West Brompton/Ful- 02:30 Puss in Boots And when I say RON, I don’t mean Ron Paul ham Broadway tubes and the bus routes of the 430 04:30 Moneyball and 74, which pass college. 06:00 Attack the Block Room is £635 a month including gas, electricity, It’s time to sit down and take a look at this phone, water and internet. Has double bed, fi tted Tickets for the whole night are £10 online (avail- wardrobe with chest of draws and bookshelf. Fully able until 4pm on the night) or £12 on the door. year’s Union Election manifestos. Don’t equipped kitchen and two bathrooms (bathroom will be shared with one other person). Flat has no living Buy online at forget that you can take the conversation to room but we are quite chilled out and hang around in http://tickets.icucinema.co.uk/ the kitchen or one of the rooms. Twitter using the hashtag #voteicu We are both busy Imperial MSc students. Looking If you can’t make the whole night, tickets for indi- for a female fl atmate of any age to come join us. vidual films will be available on the door for £3 a Editor Viewing by appointment on Wednesday afternoon film. or weekend. If interested in looking around, email As usual, there will be a range of bottled beers, [email protected] or call 07715452186. ciders and soft drinks, sweets, popcorn, crisps, and chocolate on sale throughout the night. All-you- Just so we’re clear, Felix accepts no responsibility can-eat hot food and hot drinks will also be avail- for services bought or sold, capiche? Good. able for just £5 per person. This includes hot dogs, a range of toasties, pot noodles, soups, tea, coffee Contact [email protected] to place your clas- and more. sifi eds! Find out more about the lineup on our web site: http://www.icucinema.co.uk/ Lolcat of teh week

Felix, Beit Quad, , London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2012.

Editor-in-Chief Matthew Colvin Deputy Editor Charles Betts News Editors Sophia David Alex Nowbar Reporter Aemun Reza Features Editors Katy Bettany Stephen Smith Sports Editors Indy Leclercq Sports Rookies Gabriel Oppetit Johnny Wong Science Editors Kelly Oakes Alexander Karapetian Politics Editors Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Business & Finance Editors Will Prince Deepka Rana Technology Editors Chris Bowers Feroz Salam Comment Editors Tim Arbabzadah Samuel Horti Arts Editors Will Prince Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Mark England Simon Hunter Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Alex Ramadan Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang Television Editors George Barnett James Simpson Film Editors John Park Lucy Wiles Games Editor Laurence Pope Food Editors Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas Travel Editors Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson Online Editors Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim Kadhim Shubber Puzzles Admiral James Hook Photo Editor Miles Robertson Copy Editors Carol Ann Chea Iulia Gherman Philip Kent Ravi Pall Jonathan Peek Annina Sartor FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 33 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS

56 teams, 28 matches 10 sports, 1 winner

Varsity 2012

Tickets FREE for Imperial Who’s game? students! Imperial College vs Imperial Medicals - Wednesday 21 March Registration for free student match tickets has been extended for 1 week only! Register online by 14 March, or you will need to pay the full price of £10 at the gate. Matches at Harlington, Wilson House, Ethos and The Stoop Stadium, Twickenham, home to Harlequins RFC

www.imperial.ac.uk/sports/

Election campaigning begins Sponsored Editorial Matthew Colvin More student cuts Campaigning for this year’s Union Elections began in earnest on Monday, with candidates for the available po- Discount haircuts for Imperial sitions given the opportunity to show students across Imperial their creden- students at Fresh Hairdressers tials. Wednesday saw the second-ever ‘Meet the Candidates’ live televised More student cuts for Imperial To book an appointment, hustings take place, broadcast by Im- students at ’s call 0207 823 8968. Ask for a perial’s student television network FRESH Hairdressers. student discount and bring your STOIC from the West Basement in Men’s cuts £22 Imperial ID. Beit Quad. The 80 minute broadcast Women’s shampoo and cut saw candidates, running for the sabbat- and shake dry £28 ical positions, faculty union presiden- Women’s shampoo, cut and tial positions and four student trustee blow-dry £38 positions, take to the screen to deliver All of our cuts are done by their manifesto points and respond ‘Meet the Candidates’ is now available online highly experienced stylists. to questions sent in by email or over Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to Twitter. Whereas last year’s broadcast 4.30 (sorry no discounts on was not made available following the parison to last year’s hour delay. tion that is notably absent of a running Saturdays). event, this year’s is now available to The format marks a notable differ- candidate is ‘Graduate Students’ As- We are only 70 metres from watch from the Union’s election web- ence in the hosting of hustings, follow- sociation President’, who represents South Kensington tube station site. In addition, the live stream found ing previous years of holding the event Imperial’s postgraduate student body. no signifi cant delays and met its pro- in the Union Building. Voting opens on Monday 12 March jected start time of 6pm, in stark com- Regarding available roles, one posi- at one minute past midnight. unionpage THE SUMMER BALL 2012 h e Summer Ball YOU Asked For Saturday 23 June 19:00 - 02:00 Transformed South Kensington Campus Funfair, Fireworks and Formal Dinner Black Tie Dress Code Summer Ball Ticket Live Bands and DJs Af ordable Price Formal Dinner A erparty Ticket +£40 +£602:00 - 06:00 £30Rising to £35 4 May Buy your ticket now at imperialcollegeunion.org/summerball Bike Auction 12 March 2012/12:00pm your sabbaticals

Nicolas Massie Deputy President (Welfare) Dr Bike there from 12:30-14:30 [email protected] 14 March Police Marking 12:00-16:00

Keep up-to-date with your Sabbaticals at: imperialcollegeunion.org imperialcollegeunion.org/sabbs FELIX Friday 09 march 2012 5

News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS

Sponsored Advertisement Break-in at Beit Hall Fire alarm in halls leads to stolen cash and jewellery

Alexander Karapetian in them being more vulnerable in a got back to find my cash had gone, it Aemun Reza situation such as this. It is assumed was shocking”. Felix contacted Neil that the thief travelled from room to McIntyre, warden at Beit Hall, who Student residence Beit Hall was dis- room, checking for unlocked doors. said that the “thefts are being inves- rupted on Wednesday 29 February The thief was later caught by secu- tigated by the police”. following a series of thefts that took rity. Halls in Prince’s Gardens such as place during a fire alarm. Following Eastside and Southside and their con- the alarm, which began at 1am and stituent sub-halls have mechanisms lasted for 45 minutes, students who “I didn’t think twice to automatically lock doors when left their doors open during the com- students leave their rooms. This, motion returned to find items such as about locking my although resulting in an increased cash, jewellery and personal items amount of people being locked out, missing. Concerns were soon raised door [...] it was helps to protect their assets. Most as to whether the fire alarm was set other halls require physical keys to off with the express intent of creat- shocking” open and lock doors. ing the opportunity to raid students’ After the thief was caught, the sto- rooms. len items were retrieved and students Due to room doors in Beit requir- A student, speaking to Felix anony- were urged to declare if they had any ing keys to be locked, many affected mously, said: “it was 1am and I was items missing to the wardening team. students were already used to leav- so tired that I didn’t think twice The team aims to successfully return ing their doors open, which resulted about locking my door,” adding, “I all the items to the students. 6 Friday 09 MARCH 2012 FELIX Features Editors: Katy Bettany Stephen Smith FEATURES [email protected] Student protests: one year on Luke Sheldon asks where the student movement is now, twelve months after it began

Josh Towers n the student march last the main dissenting voice shifted to term, as 10,000 people a more radical ideology. A number of protesting against the student unions, who were originally government’s Higher against the fees, ended up removing Education white pa- their opposition in an attempt to work Oper trundled through a path laid out with the government. by 4,000 riot police, a chant rose up: Meanwhile those left on the streets “Lets go back to Millbank, Na-Na- became radicalised by the lack of con- Na-Na, Hey!” But what is the student cession from the state, and the severe movement now? police oppression that accompanied Is it merely nostalgia for a sudden, the protests. As the protests pro- short fi ght back against the fee in- gressed the students were joined by creases in 2010; or, with the imminent school children and anti-cuts protes- NUS week of action, has it developed tors (not all mutually exclusive). The into a sustained campaign to prevent scenes became more violent ending privatisation and increased competi- with the near death of Alfi e Meadows tion in our already heavily socially from a police assault. divided university system? The more radical groups of the stu- Here, I discuss how the student dent movement organised in occupa- movement has gone from Millbank to tions and formed bodies such as the the fi rst NUS-supported action since Education Activist Network and the (happening next week). National Campaign Against Fees and Cuts. These students called for the NUS president of the time, Aaron Por- ter, to resign due to his lack of support “I sat in planning for, and even condemnation of, the oc- cupations and protests after Millbank. meetings with devout Since this split there has been little TTories” interaction between these two groups. No ifs, no buts... However, due to the treatment of Porter the new NUS president, Liam On 10 November 2010 the NUS Burns, used a more pro-activist stance people with little money, leading to of action from 12–16 March where here for an education.” organised a 50,000 strong march that during his campaign. Up until now complications that caused many stu- they want students walking out of This is not surprising, as not only fi lled the streets of London. In the nor- this had lead to very little, with Mi- dent unions to pull their support and campuses and lecture theatres across did Imperial have no involvement in mal treatment of marches this was be- chael Chessum (head of the National not pay for coaches. the country. the fi rst wave of student protest but ing given mild media coverage and al- Campaign Against Fees and Cuts) re- Even though £9,000 fees will be im- With higher fees seeming almost also the changes will probably have most no political attention until 2,000 marking how poorly the student demo posed in autumn this year, the action inevitable the NUS have changed tack little effect on Imperial, with them students pushed past police lines into in the Autumn of 2011 was supported against the government’s plans are and are focussing on government plans more likely to harm the universities the Conservatives’ Millbank HQ. The by NUS. picking up again - after a year of qui- has to overhaul the university system. attended by the poorest students. lobby was destroyed, parties started The march was organised by few escence. The NUS are calling a week The coalition’s plans involve the Although, once again, the plans are and a sudden dynamic changed in the rapid privatisation of universities, moving away from the NUS and the debate. A movement that had received Ahmed Peerbux with not just the go ahead given to student unions with student activists reasonable cross-party support within low-end private providers, but also the and more radical student unions call- the student population – I sat in plan- encouragement for current universi- ing for a ULU feeder march on the ning meetings with devout Tories – ties to privatise. This poses the issue 14th of March ending in parliament now seemed to have split. of not just a reduction in the quality square. With thousands already con- On one side remained those who of education as fees are siphoned off fi rmed, there are calls on the NUS to believed change would happen by to pay board members, but also asset support it, but there appears to be si- marching serenely from A to B, writ- stripping – where valuable parts of the lence on their part. ing letters to MPs and calling on the university, such as buildings and land, The student movement was begin- NUS to lobby on their behalf. The are sold to line the pockets of those ning to appear aligned as the week other half demonstrated over the fol- same lucky board members. of action against the privatisation of lowing two months how they believed The plans also allow the market fail- universities approached; but cracks the current political avenues were de- ure of universities, which could cause along old faults are starting to open funct, and how direct action was the great disruption to learning and the again and the ideological divides seem solution – from occupying tens of uni- possibility that hidden costs (for lab unlikely to heal. While the opposition versity buildings (in one case for nine equipment, fi eldtrips, materials) will to the rest of the government plans, of months!) to attempting to storm par- creep in on top of the fees. which the fee increase was merely a liament on the day of the vote. Imperial, however, is unlikely to start, begins to build, it seems the stu- This spectrum of action has always take part in the week of action. Not dents will not fi ght back united. existed but the autumn of 2010 was only does it have no obligation (with The NUS seem set on toeing the unique in a generation for the sheer it not being a member of the NUS or line with the political class and do not quantity that abandoned the establish- ULU) but the president, Scott Heath, want a repeat of Millbank. But after ment line. As the Newsnight reporter states that, “it is the same week as the a year of anti-cuts and anti-capitalist Paul Mason observed, overnight Lib- union elections and we will be helping action, there are large sections of the eral Democrat supporters had morphed the students take part in the democra- student community who have disaf- into black-bloc anarchists. cy here instead…also we won’t be en- fected completely from party politics In both political views and actions David Cameron looking suspiciously like Bashar al-Assad couraging a walk out as students come and seem unlikely to return. Voting Opens the Monday! It’s nearly time to vote... 2012 Check out all of the candidates’ manifestos online at imperialcollegeunion.org/elections. You can also re-watch our Meet the Candidates show.

How do I vote? It’s quick and easy! You can vote online from any computer. Head to imperialcollegeunion.org/elections. Here you will fi nd information on all the positions and candidates and a nice big red VOTE! button. Or use your mobile phone. Not near a computer? Fancy voting right now? Good plan. Point your phone’s browser to the handy URL bit.ly/voteicu This will take you straight to the voting page. No messing around. Or scan the QR code here with your mobile.

imperialcollegeunion.org/elections 8 Friday 09 March 2012 FELIX Science Editors: K e l l y O a k e s Alexander Karapetian SCIENCE [email protected] In brief Stuck like superglue

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Lift off for Japanese houses Annina Sartor not only at 37°C and neutral pH, mimicking a by Alexander Karapetian mammalian cell, but also at 4°C in high con- Scientists at the University of Oxford have centrations of detergent and under acidic con- developed a pair of protein fragments dubbed ditions. This was true not only in vitro but also ‘SpyTag’ and ‘SpyCatcher’ that form an in- when tested inside Escherichia coli bacteria. credibly strong bond. Within minutes of be- This development is a leap forward towards ing brought into contact the protein fragments the goal of being able to combine different form a covalent bond so strong that when put proteins at will and with ease. Unlike previ- under pressure, the protein breaks away from ously discovered non-covalent equivalents, the apparatus before the bond breaks. It is ef- which can be broken by suffi cient shear forces fectively a biomolecular superglue – except, within milliseconds, the SpyCatcher:SpyTag due to its good specifi city, without the possi- complex cannot be broken by molecular mo- bility of accidentally sticking to the edge of the Inspiring: Streptococcus pyogenes tors. Other existing approaches binding bio- test tube or other unwanted molecules. molecules using covalent bonds are similarly The discovery was inspired by Streptococcus strong but slow, associated with poor yields, pyrogenes, which causes infections ranging in that, if they were able to successfully engineer or in need of reaction conditions hostile to severity from sore throats to toxic shock syn- the protein in such a way as to allow the cre- common life forms. drome. The bacterium uses the FbaB protein ation of two separate fragments which would Unfortunately, unlike other mechanisms, to bind to human cells before invading. The form this covalent bond again once brought SpyTag is not traceless. Also, the rate of bond particular strength of this link is caused by together, the same mechanism could be used to formation between SpyTag and SpyCatcher the protein’s shape. Rather than simply being attach other molecules to each other. is too slow to be effective inside living cells; made of a chain of covalently bonded amino The bond is not only very selective, forming diffusion is likely to occur before bonding. acids held together by comparatively weak between SpyCatcher and SpyTag rather than With further research and optimization, how- forces, FbaB forms amino acid loops which any other molecule in the cell environment, ever, we may soon see the dream of biological Not actual levitation method are subsequently held together by an additional but it also forms in a large range of conditions. Lego come true. covalent bond. The team of scientists reasoned The team successfully repeated the experiment DOI: 10.1073/pnas.1115485109 A Japanese company has devised an unusual so- lution to help defend homes against earthquakes – involving levitation. While other disaster-resis- tant homes provide solutions such as using elas- tic iron to be able to move with an earthquake, Stem cells help stop biological clock this method devised by Air Danshin Systems lifts the house above the ground. Air Danshin claim that the technique it is not Sarah Byrne when injected into the ovaries of mice whose only effective, but a third cheaper than many fertility had been destroyed by chemothera- other earthquake-proofi ng systems and requires Most women will at some point in their lives py. The same mice went on to produce viable little maintenance. A set of powerful compres- encounter the ticking biological clock: the re- offspring. Similar results were achieved in sors is installed around the home and, when an alisation that their fertile years are limited, restoring the fertility of elderly mice. earthquake hits, a vast amount of compressed and if they wish to start a family, they cannot The potential implications were clear: could air is released underneath the home, lifting the wait much longer. This is because we have there be a similar mechanism in humans, and structure. The response time is within one sec- only the supply of oocytes or egg cells we would this allow us to develop new fertil- ond, and structures can levitate up to 3cm using are born with, and when they’re gone, they’re ity treatments for women? Common causes this method. gone. At least that is the conventional view of of infertility include damage to the ovaries When the house is lifted, indoor valves control how the female reproductive system works. from chemotherapy or disease, or premature the fl ow of air under the house, keeping the struc- But research published recently in Nature menopause, when there are relatively few fol- ture stable. Following the earthquake’s end, the Medicine suggests that there may be more licles leading to the supply of oocytes run- house is then lowered onto a reinforced concrete going on than we had previously realised. ning out at a relatively early age. If the stem foundation for extra stability. The system is cur- Several years ago a team of researchers, cells could effectively cure or reverse these rently being implemented across Japan, and is led by Jonathan Tilly at Harvard Medical conditions in mice, then why not in humans? live in 88 sites thus far. The company was estab- School, studied the dynamics of ovarian fol- That was the question the recent research Time might not be running out, after all lished in 2005 to sell this technology, originally licles (which produce oocytes) in mice, by set out to answer. Applying similar tech- invented by Youichi Sakamoto. measuring the rate at which they mature and niques to tissue from human ovaries, they The news comes as Japan nears its fi rst year are released or simply die. They found that were able to isolate what appeared to be the – clearly an unusual set of circumstances. since the Fukushima disaster, where a series of something did not add up. Given the mea- human equivalent of mouse OSCs. The hu- Additionally there are serious ethical issues failures at the nuclear power plant following an sured rate of degeneration, there should have man experiments did not go as far as the around fertilising human oocytes and creat- earthquake and tsunami caused devastation. been few or no healthy follicles left by the mouse ones, however. Ovarian tissue from ing embryos for research purposes. What the The company hopes to expand the system in time the mice reached adulthood. However healthy young women is rarely available for researchers were able to do, however, was to larger and more critical structures, though issues this is not the case; like most animals mice research and in limited supply. In this case transplant human ovarian tissue containing involving gas, electricity and water lines still need retain reproductive potential throughout their the donors were transgendered and under- human OSCs into mice. These were shown to ironing out. adult lives. Further studies of the biochemi- going sex reassignment surgery, and had produce immature but healthy follicles, con- To better promote the technology, the company cal activity in the ovarian cells suggested an agreed for their ovaries to be used in this way taining tiny new human oocytes. has created some videos in-house demonstrat- intriguing possibility. Was it possible, the re- The researchers advise caution however. ing model homes fl oating as well as the mecha- searchers asked, that the follicles were actu- There is much work to be done and many nisms being used on live people. By showcasing ally being renewed, and producing new oo- questions to be answered before there is any- such safe and possible measures of dealing with cytes throughout the mouse’s life, by rare and possibility of OSCs becoming a tested and an earthquake, the company potentially paves Want to write for Felix previously unknown stem cells in the ovary? proven fertility treatment for humans. How- the way to a future of fl oating houses and power This was a controversial suggestion which ever the results are promising, and with in- plants, with the onslaught of earthquakes leav- Science? initially met with some scepticism; however, fertility a major and growing problem in the ing the homes of thousands and critical systems some years later such cells (oogonial stem Send us an email. developed world particularly, any hope for intact. cells, or OSCs) were indeed isolated from women and couples facing this diffi cult situa- mouse ovary tissue, and shown to spontane- [email protected] tion will surely be welcomed. ously generate new oocytes both in vitro and DOI: 10.1038/nm.2669 FELIX Friday 09 March 2012 9 SCIENCE Less sea ice, more mercury Bottoms up in zero-G Carys Cook pollutants. The mercury and bromine complex is subsequently deposited on Declining sea ice in the Arctic Ocean land and in ocean waters. Emma Houghton-Brown may be indirectly causing mercury fall- Younger seasonal sea ice, that forms out in the lower atmosphere, a NASA- and melts annually, has a higher salt Drinking in space can be a messy affair. led study suggests. The study reveals content than older perennial ice, sug- In the absence of gravity liquid fl oats re- that the increasing replacement of multi- gesting the disappearance of old ice quiring all drinks to be sucked up from year ice by saltier seasonal ice is driving will cause an increase in bromine ex- a pouch using a straw – a particularly the increased release of salt ions such as plosions. Perennial sea ice has declined odd sensation when having your hot bromine into the atmosphere, which then in surface area by half on average since coffee in the morning. But now, thanks interacts with various atmospheric com- 2000, and replaced by saltier seasonal to NASA astronaut Dr. Don Pettit, sip- ponents such as pollutants and ozone. sea ice, suggesting that global warming ping from an open top cup is possible, The team of researchers from the may cause more bromine explosions in even in the zero gravity. UK, USA, Canada and Germany com- the future. Dr. Pettit, a member of the Interna- bined data from NASA, European Space Son Nghiem, a NASA scientist based tional Space Station (ISS) crew, occu- Agency and Canadian Space Agency at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in pies his spare time in space by conduct- satellites with fi eld observations and an California and leader of the study com- ing fascinating experiments for school atmospheric model in order to observe mented: “Shrinking summer sea ice children via video and inventing useful bromine release and establish the atmo- has drawn much attention of exploiting gadgets. It was during the STS-126 spheric height at which the process oc- Arctic resources and improving mari- mission to the ISS that he fi nally be- curs. time trading routes, but the change in came fed up of feeling “like an insect” Bromine occurs as dissolved ions in sea ice composition also has impact on sucking up all his beverages and so, in seawater, and becomes incorporated the environments. Changing conditions 2008, he created the Zero-G Cup. into sea ice upon freezing. Upon inter- in the Arctic might increase bromine To make the cup Pettit folded over action with solar radiation at the bound- explosions in the future.” plastic sheet and sealed it with yellow ary layer between the atmosphere and The study found that mountain ranges “space-tape” to form a teardrop shaped sea-ice surface, salt ions (such as bro- bordering Alaska and Canada act as vessel with an acute angle along one mine) are oxidised into reactive spe- physical boundaries to the occurrence side. This shape creates a meniscus cies and released into the troposphere. of bromine in the lower atmosphere, that, due to surface tension, keeps most Cascades of chemical reactions then oc- revealing that the chemical reactions of the liquid at the bottom. At the same cur, termed the ‘bromine explosion’, to associated with the bromine explosion time it allows a small stream to run up produce bromine monoxide which goes in the Arctic Ocean are contained in the the side by a force called capillary ac- on to react with mercury and other toxic lower 2km of Earth’s troposphere. This guy is on a mission to fi nd the lost Arctic sea ice tion. Inspired by the fuel delivery meth- od of rocket engines, Dr. Pettit knew that due to the acute angle of the cup’s cross-section, liquid would be drawn up the side and rest next to the lip. The Zero-G Cup not only allows hot Cumulative culture makes us different drinks to be sipped from an open top – greatly satisfying for coffee lovers such as Pettit. But, as a video from the ISS Sophia David and capuchins. Children, rather than accumulate knowledge. shows, also allows the crew to make adult humans, were used to help re- The authors state, “The puzzle-box celebratory toasts! In the 21st century, our minds are brim- move cultural effects since adults have experiment reveals clear and character- In order to improve the crude initial ming with concepts from iPhones to ge- been more exposed and infl uenced by istic differences in cumulative cultural design, Dr. Pettit teamed up with de- netic testing to superstring theory, that society. The scientists hypothesised that learning and patterns of social inter- signer Travis Baldwin to come up with could not have been entertained by our children, but not chimpanzees or capu- action among children, chimpanzees, a more robust space cup, from which human counterparts centuries or millen- chins, would show evidence of cumula- and capuchin monkeys. The children an espresso can be sipped in stylish nia ago. This is because our species has tive learning, and also sought to discov- responded to the apparatus as a social comfort. The base is small to keep the a unique capability for “cumulative cul- er the underlying explanations. They exercise, manipulating the box together, coffee in place by surface tension, deep ture”, a process through which knowl- found that after 30 hours, only 1 out of matching the actions of others, facilitat- grooves allow the coffee to climb the edge accumulates over time and tech- 33 chimpanzees had reached stage 3 of ing learning in others through verbal sides and the small indentation at the top nology is advanced iteratively. On the the puzzle and similarly, after 53 hours, instruction and gesture. In contrast, the keeps liquid in place at the lip. Due to other hand, we can reasonably assume no capuchins had reached stage 3. By chimpanzees and capuchins appeared its popularity with the crew NASA has that the ideas inside the minds of other contrast, after just two and a half hours, to interact with the apparatus purely now adopted Pettit’s cup as standard kit animals today are not vastly different Superstring theory – a product of a signifi cant number of children had as a means to procure resources for for the ISS and any other manned space “cumulative culture”? from those centuries ago. Therefore, reached the most diffi cult stage. themselves, in an entirely self-serving fl ights it launches in the future. a team of scientists from University To determine the underlying mecha- manner, largely independent of the per- Dr. Pettit is currently on the ISS as a of St Andrews are seeking to explain nisms, the authors fi rstly reasoned that formance of others, and exhibiting re- member of the Expedition 30 crew and what is special about the human mind mans. For example, imitation, teaching, if a factor, such as teaching, causes stricted learning that appeared primar- is continuing his scientifi c demonstra- that allows us to gradually accumulate language and helping others. Addition- cumulative culture then a species that ily asocial in character.” tions. NASA and the American Physi- knowledge. A study reported this week ally, characteristics of other animals teaches (humans) should perform bet- This study provides valuable new cal Society (APS) have teamed up to in Science investigated the differences that may prevent cumulative culture in- ter on the task than a species that does insights into the phenomenon of cu- share his unique videos from the ISS in the capacity for cumulative cultural clude scrounging of resources, as well not (chimpanzees and capuchins). Sec- mulative culture, a powerful capability with students, educators and science learning among humans, our closest as the tendency of dominant individuals ondly, they hypothesised that when which largely explains the remarkable fans around the world. Using every- relatives, chimpanzees, and capuchin to monopolise resources, thereby pre- teaching occurs in a particular species, success of the human species in colo- day objects from Earth, Dr. Pettit dem- monkeys. venting subordinate individuals from it should be positively correlated with nising almost every terrestrial habitat onstrates physics in a series of videos There are various hypotheses regard- learning. task performance. Using this reasoning, on the planet and becoming globally called “Science off the Sphere”, which ing the cognitive capabilities, or social In order to examine the mechanisms and testing a number of hypotheses, the dominant. The research also paves the includes a demonstration of the Zero-G conditions, that are required for cumu- behind social learning, the scientists scientists found that teaching, commu- way for understanding when precisely Cup and can be found on the Physics lative culture. These include aspects of used a puzzle-box with three stages of nication, imitation and helping others, these uniquely human socio-cognitive Central website. And this time Dr. Pettit social cognition that are either exclu- increasing diffi culty to test three- or largely only present in humans, likely capacities evolved. has even added a physics challenge for sive to or substantially enhanced in hu- four-year old children, chimpanzees contribute to the ability of humans to DOI: 10.1126/science.1213969 the viewers! 10 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX Technology Editors: Chris Bowers Feroz Salam TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Tips & Hacks The power behind the web Apple announce... “the new iPad” Jonathan Kim discusses the election site’s technologies

While we were all busy watching the Union Elec- tions Hustings, it turns out Apple was simultane- ously revealing “the new iPad”. That’s right – at the time of going to print there is no mention of the official name of Apple’s new tablet. Both iPad 3 and iPad HD have been touted, but the speakers consistently referred to the latest device as “the/ this new iPad”. Strange, but on to the actual thing itself. Some of the rumours did come true, with the new iPad sporting a retina display weighing in at 2048 x 1536 (that’s 3.1 million pixels), and a better camera that now allows you to record in full HD. Other specifications include a quad-core A5X chip, 4G compatibility (which is perhaps more exciting for our American cousins), and ten hours of battery life (nine if using 4G). Interestingly, the iPad 2 will remain on sale, but at $100 cheaper – further out-pricing the tablet’s struggling com- Prepare to see some funky stuff going on at the stats page petitors. In other news, Apple also announced the new Apple TV, supporting 1080p and featuring a slicker interface, but no word of an Apple smart he web is changing. Sites such as and although it works it has its problems. First got this far then you probably want to know TV. Facebook and Twitter keep you of all it doesn’t change anything about how the how it was done). We are using some cutting hooked by constantly updating in server is operating since the JavaScript is sim- edge technologies that make it even easier to real-time any activity that hap- ply doing what an overzealous user could be implement real-time connections – specifi cally pens in your social network. This doing by refreshing the page manually all the Node.js and Socket.io. Node.js is a new server isT incredibly powerful and last year the Union time. Secondly it can result in lots of unneces- side platform that runs JavaScript on the server used this to create the incredibly successful re- sary requests as the data may not have changed using Google’s V8 runtime engine (it powers Bring on some Raspberry Pi al-time voting statistics page. Along with a lot since the last request. Finally, and more practi- Chrome) and it is blazing fast! It is completely of people, I was glued to the page during elec- cally, once this is set up the developer has no asynchronous, lightweight and currently the tion week, transfi xed by the moving bars and control about when the user will request this darling of the web development community. I animated numbers that were constantly chang- data and so with a large enough active users, could go into Node.js a lot more, but that will ing as students placed their votes. Technically requests will come in all the time. This can be have to be a topic for another article. Socket. however, it was a far from perfect system that io is where the magic happens. As it states on caused the entire union server to grind to a halt. its website “It’s care-free real-time 100% in Ja- This year Paul Beaumont came to me with the “...it lets us forget about vaScript”. Since WebSockets aren’t supported suggestion that I have a go at improving it, and by all browsers (I’m looking at you Internet I would like to share some thoughts on how the older browsers (I’m look- Explorer) to enable real-time communication technology behind the new system is shaping we need to fall back to older technologies. today’s world wide web. ing at you Internet Ex- Socket.io does this all for us by supporting all Traditionally, websites have been a very browsers from IE 5.5 onwards, while giving a simple affair. Servers, essentially large com- plorer)” consistent development interface. Essentially it Eagerly awaited and extensively promoted, the puters, sit in some dark damp basement wait- lets us forget about trying to support old brows- Raspberry Pi debuted at the end of last week to a ing for someone to browse to the site that they ers and just concentrate on writing cool appli- massive response that sent sales websites crash- host and, when this happy event occurs, pres- incredibly taxing for a server as it will need to cations. Together, Node.js and Socket.io, allow ing. Priced at £22 and targeted at children learn- ent to the browser all the information that it deal with all these requests one at a time and us to very quickly implement an interactive ing to program, the Pi runs a Linux OS on an ARM needs to display the site. Once this is fi nished it can amount to the same effect as a Denial of and real-time experience for the Union stats. chip. It provides users with the ability to plug in a the relationship between the browser and the Service Attack which is usually employed by As a small test of how it all might work, a monitor, keyboard and mouse and get going. Con- server ends until the browser navigates to an- hackers wanting to overload a website so it can small box was added to the sidebar that shows siderably cheaper than any competing device on other page. This system works very well and longer function (groups such as Anonymous how many candidates are standing and how the market, the Pi makes its savings by reducing is all that static websites, such as Wikipedia, use this type of attack to bring down large cor- many seconders there are. This is updated (us- aesthetic appeal in favour of bare bone features. BBC News and Felix Online, need. However porate websites). This can be further exacerbat- ing Node.js and Socket.io) every second and so Whether the Pi will actual get children program- web developers wanted more. They wanted ed if the information that is being requested is far everything seems to be running smoothly! ming is another question, however. Despite the websites to be more dynamic. They wanted the complex and takes time to generate, which was At all times the server, not the browser, is in widely reported low price, users will still need the website to update with new content without us- the case for the elections stats last year and the control of how often the statistics are updated aforementioned monitor, keyboard and mouse to ers having to continually click the refresh but- reason it brought the union server to its knees. and this means that there is only one request get started; a decent monitor will probably cost ton. In short they didn’t want the relationship Obviously simply using AJAX is not a good at a time (from the server) as opposed to mul- many times more than the card itself. Even as- between browser and server to end once the solution in the long term and so we had to turn tiple requests from different browsers. In the suming the use of a family monitor, the device site is displayed. to new technologies to implement a true real- unlikely event that the server is overloaded, I alone seems quite dull. The eventual success of One solution is to use JavaScript. JavaScript time connection between the browser and serv- can dive in and change the frequency at which the chip will depend upon developing program- is a scripting language that all modern brows- er. One such technology is called WebSocket. it updates to prevent a recurrence of last year’s ming software that makes development attractive ers support and is almost universally used to WebSockets allow a server and a browser to crash. to kids. Programs such as ‘Ruby for Kids’ (which provide a more interactive and dynamic ex- open up a persistent connection through which WebSockets, and the advent of the real-time is intended to go on the Pi) are exactly the sort of perience for users. It can also be used to fetch information can be sent by either party. This web, are a fundamental change in how the web thing the Pi developers should look for; the trick in information from the server through a group of allows the server to push information to all works. Instead of sites being static and entirely getting children using the device will not lie in the technologies collectively called AJAX. This al- browsers whenever there is a change as op- dependant on user interaction to update, they hardware, but in slick software that drags percep- lowed developers to fake a real-time connection posed to browsers constantly asking for new can now just sit there and new information is tion of computing away from Excel spreadsheets by making a browser regularly ask the server information. Through this method the server fed directly to them. It makes things like on- and towards the grand designs of Skyrim or Grand for new information and so keep the page up controls the rate at which users receive new line chat trivial and sites such as Facebook and Theft Auto. to date without refreshing. This is the system information. Twitter even more addictive. I’m sure you will that the previous elections stats website used, Now to be a bit more technical (if you’ve see what I mean when the stats page launches! FELIX Friday 09 MARCH 2012 11 Politics Editors: R a j a t J a i n Joseph Letts [email protected] POLITICS Dulce et Decorum est Basel Chamali argues that there is no peaceful solution in Syria

s the “Arab Spring” un- a peaceful movement to gain freedom folded, many Syrians from an autocratic, dictatorial and op- looked on with envy, pressive regime. However, people can hoping for a chance only take so much, and after months to ride the waves of of vicious and inhumane attacks on ci- Achange. Yet, after a few failed at- vilians and after seeing whole families tempts – the fi rst being on February 5 slaughtered for opposing the regime, 2011 – many had lost hope. However, people began losing hope in a peace- no one had envisioned the regime it- ful resolution and decided to take the self providing the spark for the revo- armed route. It began with army de- lution. fectors creating brigades to defend the Syria’s regime has long been known civilians against the attacks from the for its ruthlessness and brutality, and regime. Now it has spread to normal its people for their calm and peaceful civilians. These freedom fi ghters are nature. However, the Assad regime funded by donations from Syrians crossed a line on February 27, which and other friends outside Syria and destroyed the fear barrier in many Syr- buy weaponry one or two rifl es at a ians. Twenty primary school children time, which then have to be smuggled had been arrested and tortured for into Syria through the border. How- writing anti-government graffi ti on the ever, despite all these restrictions and school building. When an attempt to limitations, they have become a for- free their children resulted in the hu- midable force in many cities that the miliation of the parents by the mayor, regime’s forces fear. Take Homs as an protests erupted in the city with the example. It is well controlled by the chant “death rather than humiliation” rebels- the army forces bombard the echoing loud in the protests. The re- city from a distance but can hardly gime tried to use brute force to bring make their way into the city without back order, but all that did was cause fearing an attack that will eliminate anger among Syrians and start coun- more than half of the group. trywide protests. Personally, I feel that the only sal- For the past year the Syrian revolu- Homs’ latest celebrities: Though low in numbers, armed rebels are high in popularity vation is by force. The regime knows tion has defi ed all the odds. Many had that it has no way out and is fi ghting to predicted its demise very early on, but the last man, so it would be delusional it seemed that the more force the re- Beres, one of the founders of MSF, “The only salvation is Homs, Hama and Idlib were heav- of us to think that at some point they gime used, the more determined the visited one of the fi eld hospitals in ily attacked and their citizens did not will rethink their strategy. They will people became. Every attack by the Homs and was surprised at the amount by force. The regime vote. Regardless of the outcome, the continue to kill and their methods and regime led to more areas joining the of work done with the few tools avail- fl aws of the constitution and the time manner will only intensify. The free- revolution. Every death led to a funer- able to the doctors. knows it has no way it came at made many Syrians reject dom fi ghters are growing in numbers al-turned-protest. The regime tried to adopt certain it out right. and strength by the day; they were able The regime intensifi ed its operations reforms to reduce the intensity of the out.” Another possible way out was sug- to hold off the regime’s attack on Baba to crackdown on the freedom move- protest movement and reduce pressure gested by Tunisia: give Bashar Al- Amr for around a month, protect the ment. Deraa, the suburbs of Damascus, on it. However many people saw these Assad immunity and allow him to journalists in Homs, and even smug- Idlib, Hama and the coastal cities all reforms as too little too late, most responsibilities of the government to- seek refuge in Tunisia and so stop gle them out to safety, which is much faced heavy military operations. The never meeting the demands of the wards its citizens. Anyone reading it the bloodshed in Syria. This plan more than can be said for their respec- regime closed off these cities, causing people. The new constitution would would have assumed they were read- has many fl aws. Firstly, the regime tive governments. These fi ghters have shortages in water, food, electricity, have been very well received if it had ing a constitution of a country that is not only Bashar; taking him out no fear – talking to them fi lls me with and fuel, and systematically detained been brought in at the beginning of fully respected human rights, not one of the equation will bring his brother hope as I see their determination and and tortured the citizens, in an attempt the revolution. However, the regime that at the same moment was carrying or some other family member in to strength. Whenever an alternative so- to force the people into submission. began by accusing the protesters of out mass atrocities across the coun- fi ll his place and the situation won’t lution is suggested their response is to But all that was nothing compared to being conspirers, American opera- try. That aside, there were many other change. This family regime has been refuse. Their goal is to eradicate the what Homs went through. The city tives, Mossad operatives or al-Qaeda small laws that caused people to have in place since 1970, a change to the regime that for years has done nothing was systematically bombed using extremists, among many others. It at- many objections to the constitution. fi gurehead will do little to change the but kill, torture and abuse Syrians. artillery shells and multiple missile tacked the protests and incarcerated Examples of these include: giving the way it is run. The only way to effec- Regardless of what route the revo- launchers; the water, electricity, food, many activists as it looked to quell the president two seven year periods in tively change the current situation will lution takes or how long it lasts, one fuel, and communications were totally rebellion. offi ce that don’t include any previous be to completely uproot the regime. thing is for certain: Syrians have de- cut off and the army drove people out When that failed, the regime tried time in offi ce, meaning that Bashar That aside, many Syrians, myself in- cided on their goal. This regime will of their homes to use them as sniper declaring an amnesty but fi rstly many will be in offi ce until 2028, know- cluded, would not accept this sugges- lose this battle; it’s but a matter of dens. of those detained during the revolu- ing how the election process will be. tion to end the confl ict. It is an insult time. The question remains however: Hospitals became slaughter houses tion were excluded. Anyway, by the Secondly, it gave parliamentarians to the thousands who lost their lives how many Syrians are willing to still – injured protesters faced torture and time the amnesty came protestors had immunity from law as well as giving and others who were affected by the stand by it as it kills their fellow broth- even death in hospitals, which led to changed their demands from asking them the right to offer people an am- brutality of the regime. I don’t think ers? the formation of fi eld hospitals – make- for freedom to asking for the fall of nesty from any previously committed many Syrians can bring themselves shift clinics where doctors treated pa- the regime. crimes. Many thought that this will to tell these people, especially the or- tients with rudimentary equipment. It Finally, the regime tried to pass off just lead to the same situation as we phans who lost their parents, that their became a crime to carry medication, the new constitution as a very worth- have now, where people can do what- sacrifi ces were in vain as we have de- Got something to say? blood bags or medical equipment – an while and forward reform. To be hon- ever they like without fearing any cided to let the culprit go free. Send your articles to attempt by the regime to eradicate any est I wasted my time reading the full repercussions. However, the biggest Finally, militarisation, although con- kind of opposition it faced. However, constitution. It began by lining out and most fundamental fl aw was the troversial, is something that many Syr- [email protected] this was far from sucessful. Jacques all the rights of the citizens and the fact that on the day of the referendum, ians agree on. The revolution began as 12 Friday 09 MARCH 2012 FELIX Business & Finance Editors: Will Prince Deepka Rana BUSINESS & FINANCE [email protected] Whose line is it anyway? More Airports for the UK? Everyone knows success in business is all about the chat (cough, cough). Below are fi ve faces from the business world along with quotes from them. Is the sky the limit, or will it never take off? Plane crazy or runway success? But, using a complex algorithm we’ve jumbled them up. Can you work out the source of each of these pearls of business wisdom?

1. Well, you know, I was a human being before I became a busi- nessman.

2. Reputation is more important than the last hundred million dollars. PromoNew shots international for the rail stationlatest Grand Theft Auto game were met with a lukewarm critical response

George Howard mitted 480,000 landing and takeoff slots. Back The main opposition to this plan, as with any in the 1990s, Heathrow offered more destina- airport expansion, is found amongst the ranks Ever since its conception, the future expan- tions than any other European airport, yet re- of the environmentalists. The chosen location sion of Heathrow airport has been the topic of cently has been faced with increased competi- is apparently the home of some birds, which discussion of many a government. Generations tion from hubs in Europe, including Frankfurt run the risk of falling out with their man-made of our ‘representatives’ have used the topic to and Amsterdam. These two have 53% and fl ying cousins should the plans go ahead. How- 3. Beware of geeks their political gain, including the current co- 45% of capacity as transferring passengers, ever, are we seriously advocating that the wel- bearing formulas. alition, who opposed the famous 3rd runway compared to Heathrow’s 35%. This, along fare of a few birds should stand in the way of to help them garner support in the leafy west with the availability of more runways, has al- the continued recovery of the British ecoomy? LoLondonn suburb of Richmond Park. Now worry lowed them to offer increasingly more destina- Also, I understand that Heathrow’s current not, thisth is not an article about government tions and services. Meanwhile, Heathrow has neighbors fi nd it rather grim living in its fl ight popolicy;licy; you’ve had enough of those from me slipped to fi fth in term of destinations offered, path. It seems simply ludicrous that we as a foforr a while.w Instead, I’d like to take a moment and will continue to slide if nothing is done. society should put the lives of a few birds in to outoutlinel what is possibly the most exciting, ahead of the living standards of our citizens. and vitalv project for kick-starting the UK’s Unfortunately, we live in an increasingly bu- fafailingiling economy: the Thames Hub. “Heathrow handles just reaucratic state, where projects of this nature ProposalsPro for an airport in the Thames es- move from committee to committee without tutuarya have existed since the 1940s, but none under 70 million passen- various governmental bodies at a glacial pace. have caught the public attention as much as Take the recently opened Heathrow Terminal 4. If you can’t make it the current offering from Foster & Partners. gers per year” 5: it took 20 years to progress from its de- good, at least make it This is the same fi rm that brought you Hong sign conception to its eventual opening, and it look good. Kong and Beijing Airports, Wembley Stadium wasn’t even a particularly ambitious plan. In and London City Hall, amongst many other What this means is that the already strug- contrast, Beijing airport’s Terminal 3 took just projects. Widely publicized by Boris Johnson, gling British economy is set to lose out on a over four years to be ready. Lord Foster’s latest airport in the Thames es- great deal of new trade and investment, espe- The rapid expansion currently taking place tuary would be a complete overhaul of trans- cially from emerging markets such as Brazil in China is fueling continued growth and port in the South East, updating vital rail and and China. Studies show that we stand to lose Beijing Airport, as the second busiest in the road links, and other important infrastructure between £8.6 and £12.8bn of investment as a world, has already been deemed by the central including a much needed update of the aging result of the limitations posed by Heathrow’s government as at capacity. Work has already Thames barrier, and new hydroelectric power lack of capacity. New connecting routes are started on what will be the world’s biggest facility. The main argument behind the case for urgently needed to tap into the vast potential of airport, with a capacity of 130 million, and a 5. You’re fi red! a Thames Estuary airport lies in the need to these new markets and Heathrow, even with a breathtaking 9 runways. And furthermore, they maintain London’s status as a hub airport. This new 3rd runway, is not placed to do this. plan to accomplish this all in time for a 2017 is an airport where there are a large number of Projects of this nature are never cheap, and opening. passengers passing through each year on fl ight Boris Island is no exception. Coming in at Now it would unrealistic to expect as rapid transfers. This enables the airport to serve a £50bn in total, the airport itself holds a price progress as occurs in China. Their effi ciency wider network of destinations and to sustain a tag of £20bn and the associated infrastructure is one positive that comes out of building in a high frequency of services due to the demand a lofty £30bn. However, to put this in perspec- one-party state. However, it is about time the for fl ights. These transferring passengers allow tive, a new terminal and runway at Heathrow British government took some decisive action. more direct fl ights to more destinations to be would cost at least £9bn. Furthermore, the To quote Boris Johnson “there is no doubt that economically viable from London, thus giving plans for the Thames Hub include sourcing to do nothing would lead to economic stagna- access to cheaper and more frequent services much of the funding from private investors, tion” thus leaving London unable to compete for UK-based businesses and residents. thus relieving the burden on the Treasury cof- on an international level. London needs to Currently, Heathrow handles just under 70 fers. Put simply, although an expensive option, maintain its airport hub status, and this is be-

Buffet; 4. Bill Gates; 5. Alan Sugar. Alan 5. Gates; Bill 4. Buffet; million passengers per year, more than any it is by no means fi scally unachievable, even in coming increasingly diffi cult by the day as the

1. George Soros; 2. Rupert Murdoch; 3. Warren Warren 3. Murdoch; Rupert 2. Soros; George 1. other European airport, squeezed into its per- the current economic climate. rest of the world surges ahead. FELIX Friday 09 MARCH 2012 13 BUSINESS & FINANCE Imperial College Hackathon launched Applications abound as students take to their screens, writes Sangjin Lee

Bob Xu mperial College has one of the best Computing and Electrical Engineering Departments in the World, producing the most disci- plined and talented software de- velopersI and programmers consistently. These programmers often benefi t from high salaries and fabulous perquisites from their employers. Imperial Col- lege prides itself on this monumental achievement. However, students often observe the lack of ambition for entre- preneurship and technological innova- tion among Computing Undergraduates – please correct me if I am wrong. To this rather depressing phenom- enon, I have attributed many reasons. There is no incentive for undergraduates to become innovative or entrepreneur- ial, and the bureaucracy that exists in Imperial College stops any such move- ment. The administrators are unwill- ing to help and they themselves do not have any incentives to help either. This has been exemplifi ed by possibly high catering prices on weekends that clubs and societies cannot pay for and many diffi culties in booking venues (it would have been very convenient for the par- ticipants of Imperial College Hackathon Security at the event was tight, but the guy in the hat still managed to wander in for the nibbles to have stayed in the venue after 11pm to continue coding rather than being dis- missed by a security guard). In addition, Hackathon on 25th and 26th of February were excited about being able to have student activities with their swipe cards. ticipants and sponsors were surprised by there is no major software or investment sponsored by JP Morgan, Facebook and a role in changing the world and mak- Before lectures start, we often have the originality of ideas and how much banks led challenges or competitions in . Hackathon is es- ing a dent in Imperial College. After the trouble printing off materials due to they could actually do in a limited time Imperial. In Imperial College, there is sentially the culture that built Facebook, intense coding, the participants returned overloading of the system and ineffi - of 24 hours. Now the participants have incredible number of talented students Google and Microsoft, and Hackathon’s again very early on the Sunday morning cient system that the ITC team has built to move their ideas forward to make it and they are just not given the chance essence is summarized in its fi rst fi ve to continue on their project with inten- for our college. In addition, there has commercial and implementable in a to excel. letters: HACKA. Each letter captures sity and vigor. been increase in the use of tablets and school environment. This would defi - one element of the event: (H- Hidden laptops in the lecture theatre to assist nitely need help from both the faculty Needs; A- Associational Thinking; C- our learning. The two teams that won members of all departments and admin- “Hackathon is es- Cracking code; K- Killer concept; A- “Both participants the Imperial College Hackathon devel- istrators. Without their help all these Action Now). oped an application that allowed instan- fantastic ideas would be buried and entially the culture On Saturday morning sixty software and sponsors were taneous uploading of relevant lectures would never rise again. If the admin- developers gathered in 060ABC Skemp- on each day. This removes the need to istrators could only help to push such that built Facebook, ton Building. They were obviously very surprised by the orig- print lectures every day and the need technological innovations in our school, excited and the organizers could sense to download lecture notes from black- Imperial College Undergraduates and Google and Micrsoft” the excitement of participants whether it inality of ideas...” board. The application automatically Postgraduates would become more and was induced by redbull or genuine en- delivers the relevant lecture notes ev- more innovative and entrepreneurial, thusiasm. We also had engineers from ery day based on your course, date and and that will tremendously benefi t our To circumvent this problem and ac- both Facebook and JP Morgan, a tech- Development of the application cul- location. Such an application enhances school. This could possibly happen by celerate entrepreneurship in Imperial nology associate and digital accelerator minated with a pitch in front of judges and accelerates the digitization of learn- arranging meetings between participants College, Imperial Innovation launched manager from Imperial Innovations to from JP Morgan, Facebook, Imperial ing materials and eliminates the need of Hackathon and ICT department, and Imperial Digital Accelerator on Janu- overlook the event. Simon Cross from Innovations, and student entrepreneur to actually attend a lecture. The second having the Rector push our ideas. ary 19th to “facilitate entrepreneurship Facebook explained why Hackathon and alumnus of Imperial College Milen team developed an application named After Imperial College Hackathon, in the digital space at Imperial College”. was such a central part of Facebook and Dzhumerov. Nine teams presented their HEATNOTE that allowed live visual Facebook and JP Morgan took all the Imperial Digital Accelerator aims to the achievements that it has made such work and each idea was not only fasci- presentation of materials that were not contact details of the participants to provide funding, mentorship and legal as the development of Timeline and nating but also intriguing in its applica- understood in the lecture. Such a system possibly recruit all these talented par- and accounting advice. They are orga- many other applications. tion. Two teams developed applications allows for the lecturer to identify which ticipants to their fi rm. Imperial Digital nizing seminars with serial and student Fueled by presentation by Facebook under the names Imperial Foodie and part he has to re-clarify and this system Accelerator took in three teams to its entrepreneurs to provide real examples and JP Morgan, software developers IEAT to assist in the digitization for the does not stop the fl ow of the lecturer program to provide mentorship and fi - of how technological innovations and from various parts of Imperial College purchase and payment of food using at all. This winning team received fi ve nance. JP Morgan and Facebook and entrepreneurship proceeds as an under- London and other universities gathered our swipe cards. If such a system were hundred pounds in cash and praise from other software companies are willing to graduates or as a postgraduate. and started to develop applications implemented, students would be able developers. Other teams also developed sponsors this event next year. In fact JP This, however, was largely a depart- based on the theme “Improving Impe- to purchase food much more easily and fantastic websites and applications such Morgan wants to have their own Hack- mental effort and we still noticed lack rial College.” With free pizza in one track their eating habits. This, however, as News4D and IMPEK that could be athon with Imperial College students of student effort in such technologi- hand and the other hand on the key- wasn’t the most innovative of the ideas used immediately. after the success of our event. Next cal innovation. The Imperial College board, programmers in groups of six as Duke University and California In- The fi rst Imperial College Hackathon year, the event will be not only bigger, Hackathon committee hence decided to or seven developed their applications stitute of Technology (Caltech) have al- was not only successful, but also invigo- but better. You better join it or you will organize the fi rst ever Imperial College from morning to dawn. The developers ready been at the forefront of digitizing rating for organizers to watch. Both par- regret it. 14 Friday 02 MARCH 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] FELIX Sri Lanka’s Killing Fields Election fever strikes again at Imperial

It can only be election season. College is at the mercy of constant flyering, its walls plastered with the faces of candi- dates hoping to take on the various po- Visakan sitions of responsibility that are availa- Balalumar ble for those keen enough to seek them out. After a solid week of campaigning, opinions are invariably going to differ n Wednesday 14th March, across college in a wide number of re- Channel 4 will broad- spects: is it just for the CV? Do candi- cast ‘Sri Lanka’s Kill- dates even know what they are running ing Fields: War Crimes for? As ever, year on year, these ques- Unpunished’ at 10.55 tions will be asked of the candidates. pm.O The program is a sequel to the criti- If anything, people can now be held cally acclaimed and RTS-award winning to account with greater ease than ever documentary released last year, under a before, and such questions as those similar title, which shocked and horrifi ed previously listed will become less and viewers worldwide. The documentary less redundant as individuals are held is set against a backdrop of brutal war ‘Sri Lanka’s Killing Fields: War Crimes Unpunished’ will air on Wednesday 14th March, to greater scrutiny. The advent of Twitter crimes and human rights violations by the 10:55pm on Channel 4 especially allows a constant barrage of Sri Lankan Armed Forces, once alleged, questions for candidates who are will- now confi rmed by a report commissioned ing to answer, public for all to see. It is by the UN in 2011. The report concludes phones. The video evidence, recorded boy who has been executed. It also asks the immediacy and urgency of hustings that 40,000 Tamil civilians were killed by both victims and Sri Lankan Army questions of those still ruling the coun- taken to the next step of its natural pro- in the fi nal few weeks of Sri Lanka’s 27 soldiers, was described by Channel 4 as try. Shocking new evidence suggests that gression, and allows those interested to year civil war and that “most civilian “some of the most horrifi c footage it has some in the highest tiers of command engage with candidates instantly. casualties in the fi nal phases of the war ever broadcast”. Whilst the documentary were complicit in crimes against human- Of course, saying that, it is a shame were caused by government shelling”. examined the atrocities committed by ity, including the current President Ma- that this year’s hustings (outside of the The panel who conducted the report, both sides, particularly disturbing were hinda Rajapakse, his brother, Defence faculty unions’) were not held in a public however, were barred by the government the sexual assault of deceased Tamil Ti- Secretary Gotabhaya Rajapakse, and two place, such as last year in FiveSixEight. from entering Sri Lanka during the 10 ger rebels and the systematic execution former army generals who have been Meeting your critics face to face affords month period over which they gathered of bound prisoners by the Sri Lankan made diplomats and gained immunity the option to bring across more person- evidence. Upon release of the report po- Armed Forces. The program also detailed since the conclusion of the war. ality in your answers, and allows for an litical fi gures around the world, including the government’s shelling of areas that it With England’s cricketers set to tour instant view into the thoughts of many David Cameron, demanded an “indepen- had previously declared “safe-zones”, the island this month and Sri Lanka of Imperial’s voters. Merely sitting in dent, international investigation”. How- which raises the question of whether confi rmed as the venue for the coming a closed-off studio with one individual ever, these calls have been repeatedly the military operation had indeed been Commonwealth Heads of Government leading a smaller and more intimate in- ignored by the Sri Lankan government, an orchestrated act of genocide against meeting in 2013, this documentary is an terrogation does not bring across the who continue to maintain that the war Sri Lanka’s Tamil minority. Sri Lanka’s opportunity for the international com- same form of College-wide emphasis was carried out with a zero-civilian ca- Killing Fields was screened at the UN in munity to press for an independent, in- that these elections should really be sualty policy. The upcoming Channel 4 Geneva and New York and also shown to ternational investigation and a chance aiming for, rather viewing the live broad- documentary, and its predecessor, show politicians in the House of Commons, the for some form of justice for Sri Lanka’s casted hustings back gives the impres- how urgently an independent investiga- European Parliament and various mem- Tamil community, who have been failed sion of a very small and very contained tion is really needed. bers of the US Senate. Whilst the pro- and forgotten by the world. event. The documentary, a forensic inves- gram triggered strong reactions around However, there is no denying that the tigation into the events of the fi nal few the world, condemning the actions of Sri If you would like to take action please audience that the live broadcast has weeks of Sri Lanka’s civil war, was Lanka’s security forces, the perpetrators sign the e-petition, titled “Independent, the potential to command is far greater meticulously put together after hours of have yet to be brought to justice. international investigation into war than that allowed by hustings. The cost trawling through photographs, amateur The upcoming sequel contains conclu- crimes in Sri Lanka” on http://epeti- of this with regards to a personal touch footage and videos recorded on mobile sive new evidence, which points to the tions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/14586. (And must be considered. involvement of offi cials at the very top remember to confi rm your signature by At the very least, I can take this op- levels of both the Sri Lankan army and clicking on the email generated in your portunity to offer some insight for those government. ‘War Crimes Unpunished’ inbox). For further information about candidates running for Felix Editor. ...new evidencee focuses on four main areas: the deliber- the upcoming documentary please visit Make sure you are prepared for a year ate bombardment of civilians and even a http://www.channel4.com/info/press/ unlike any other. Late nights, balancing suggestssuggest that some hospital in the so called “No Fire Zone”, programme-information/sri-lankas- communication with a vast amount of the humanitarian blockade to starving killing-fields-war-crimes-unpunished people across College and outside of in the highest tiers and wounded civilians already trapped Got an opin- on the Channel 4 website. The original it, and racing against an ever encroach- in dire conditions in the confl ict zone, ion on this documentary is widely available either ing deadline that will just, never, ever of command were the slaughter of civilians escaping the article? Then on Channel 4’s website, or on Channel go away. All that being said, it’ll be a “ confl ict zone (despite the Sri Lankan head over to 4’s YouTube channel. For further infor- fantastic year. Best of luck with your complicit in crimes Army saying it was mounting a “rescue felixonline. mation about the campaign for an “in- campaigns. mission”) and summary executions of co.uk to get dependent, international investigation” against humanitymanityani stripped and bound prisoners, including your voice please visit http://iiicampaign.com/wel- ” haunting video footage of a 12 year old heard. come/take-action. FELIX Friday 09 MARCH 2012 15 COMMENT Hangman’s dark sense of humour

ebruary 10th’s edition of Fe- that it exists to make us laugh. But is that it is handled correctly. So what about lix managed, in two articles, all there is to it? I don’t think so. It also the controversial Hangman article? The to highlight the issue of sex- exists to challenge and provoke thought criticism that it has received seems to be ism at Imperial College, in on taboos, the establishment and our en- based on the article’s perceived trivialisa- two very different ways. One trenched notions of society. Often, there tion and encouragement of rape and the Fwas a straightforward, serious article on is a strong sense of irony, and I would objectifi cation of women. Was that re- the issue of sexism, while the other was note that an episode of The Simpsons ally its intention? The article described the (now infamous) satirical “Hangman featured a police offi cer telling road-rage rohypnol as “anything but nice” and took Guide to Get Laid”. Not surprisingly, offenders to “Fire a weapon at your TV a generally abusive tone to the would-be perhaps, the reception enjoyed by these set, pick a fi ght with someone weaker rapists that it was supposedly instructing, articles has been extremely different. But than you, or write a threatening letter to a suggesting quite the opposite. Steven Abnett despite their differences, are the overall celebrity”. This is obviously ironic satire, Indeed, the only part of the article that viewpoints of the articles really that dis- just like the Hangman article, but I won- even comes close to promoting the use of similar? der if those objecting to Hangman also rohypnol is its description as “the perfect The viewpoint of the fi rst article is pret- want to see The Simpsons banned. Given mixer … for some girl who is probably ty obvious: sexism exists at Imperial, and its popularity, I doubt it. just using you for free drinks”, and this it’s bad. It would be pretty hard to argue In the case of black humour, humour is such a warped and absurd description that sexism isn’t bad, and I’m not going acts as an emotional release: it serves as that I struggle to see how anyone with to. An example was given of a group of a coping mechanism to dampen negative half a brain could believe that it is meant “lads” classifying women in a lecture by emotions to a horrible situation by trying to encourage such behaviour, particularly their looks. Such comments are certainly to see a bright side, however absurd. This given the content of the rest of the article. immature and crass, but are they indica- is probably why people who deal with Quite rightly, the article portrays the at- tive of a deeper prejudice? That’s ques- these issues every day (soldiers, police, tacker as a “waste of oxygen” and the So it’s not Hammertime, then? tionable. It’s probably just an outlet for undertakers, doctors etc.) are widely re- victim as just that – a victim, while high- sexual frustration and a backlash against garded as having a dark sense of humour. lighting and laughing at the absurdity of ...the HangmanHa the large social power that women at Im- If anything, by dampening negative emo- any justifi cation that a rapist might try to sexism and objectifi cation, one express- perial have. While not wanting to make it tions, black humour actually makes it use. ing this via argument and one via satirical article hhas sound like women, or people in general, easier to talk about issues such as rape, If anything, the Hangman article has black humour, so the different reception are commodities, supply and demand ar- and I’ve often found that people with succeeded in its satirical purpose by they received is largely unjustifi ed. succeeded in its guments do apply to romantic/sexual op- such a sense of humour are more likely making people think about the issue portunities as well, and I’ve heard groups to be willing to discuss such issues seri- and reminding us that yes, unfortunately Disclaimer: Just to make it clear that satirical purpose by of young women in female-dominated ously rather than burying their heads in there are people in existence who think there are no vested interests at work here, “ environments making similar comments the sand and pretending that everything that rape is trivial or acceptable, and I have no involvement with the Hangman making peopleple think in the past. is okay with the world. that these people are among the worst in section, and this is the fi rst piece I’ve Regarding the Hangman article, I wish Given the purpose of satire and black society. However, I don’t think that the ever written for Felix. Therefore, please about the issuesueue to ask a simple question: what is the pur- humour, I would therefore argue that writer(s) of the article is/are among them. send all your Hangman hate-mail to the pose of humour? The obvious answer is no topic should be off-limits, as long as Overall, the two articles are both against usual address. A revision” of dietary laws

ne of the overarching but not one to annoy God, I would tra insight that can be proven or de- on its own during Ramadan surely is. themes displayed by like to propose an alternative formal- bunked (pork AND beer is okay). All As with quantum mechanics, the re- the main religions of ism of how these restrictions should I need to do now is to test this, by see- sults that the mathematics predict can the world is a set of be observed. ing if I will go to Heaven if I consume be counter-intuitive: it seems to be dietary restrictions. An Seeing as every religion I know of both of these in tandem, or if God will perfectly halal to eat pork during Ra- Oexample is Islam, and its recommen- is simply someone’s interpretation of laugh me away from the Pearly Gates. madan, but only during the day. If the dation/order that you abstain from God’s words, I’ve taken it upon my- Not only are the food items them- sun’s set, you better go for chicken. alcohol and swine. Many of these self to develop my own interpretation selves subject to restrictions, but their Of course, this theory only works dietary restrictions were possibly in of these dietary laws. Intuitively, one method of preparation and time they if the terms “pork” and “halal” are response to practical issues in the so- would consider the “sin” of eating are consumed are also factored in to properly defi ned, which is where I hit ciety in which the religion was born something haram or non-kosher to the religious equation. It is forbid- a snag. Consider, if you will, a hy- into. It’s reasonable to propose that be additive: eating a ham sandwich den to eat an animal that has not been pothetical pig/cow hybrid. Or a cow avoiding pork and alcohol was a very with a beer is worse than just hav- slaughtered in the proper manner crossed with this hybrid, to make an Veli Akiner good idea at the time of the birth of ing a beer on its own. So beer is a -1 mandated by the Quran: the blood is animal only 25% pig. At what point Islam because of the hazards of either against your name and the sandwich drained to minimise suffering and a is the pig DNA no longer enough to in an arid climate: pigs rot quickly in is a -1, giving you a total of -2 against prayer said for the life of the animal make the animal porcine? Even more the heat and harbour salmonella while your case for making it into Heaven. that is being deliciously taken. It’s speculatory is the halal status of an alcohol is a diuretic. Instead, I propose that in any given also forbidden to eat or drink anything animal slaughtered improperly, only In the modern world, where water instance these are instead multiplica- in the day during Ramadan, when one to be re-slaughtered in a halal fashion. and refrigeration are plentiful, the ra- tive, so in this lunch we would have is supposed to empathise with those Of course, neither of these scenarios tionale behind these rules of thumb the negatives cancel out and you’d who have no choice but to starve. The are currently achievable, and so my has been lost and you fi nd many peo- instead get a positive answer, negat- general rule of my theory is that any refi ned “rule of thumb” will hold for ple following such dietary laws just ing the sin (“the sin’s in the sign”). even number of nutritionally based now. I will leave it to the faithful of for the hell of it. The same goes for As any usurping theory, this explains sins in tandem cancels out any net sin. the future to further revise it when Judaism, which is even crazier about all the observations that the old one While it is debatable whether eating these dilemmas become practical is- what you can and can’t eat. As a fan does (i.e. that consuming pork or beer a sandwich and drinking beer after- sues, i.e. when the laws no longer suit of several of these forbidden goods sends you to Hell), but provides ex- wards is simultaneous, doing either the circumstances. 16 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] Keep the Cat free!

n last week’s Felix, I had intended thing at all, means the ability to publicly complaining, no matter how forcefully, University would be happier if we printed to publish an article which exposed criticise authority. It means the ability for a will not work. We must shout angrily in only those articles to which they had given what I believe are serious problems writer to publish inconvenient truths with- any way possible about how terrible the their approval. What kind of newspaper with Imperial’s Careers Advisory out fear of reprisal, and the ability for him/ issue is. We must publish articles, write behaves in such a way? How would we Service. It detailed how the service her to criticise anyone without the loom- blogs, inform national newspapers. We react if The Guardian only printed articles Ihas been susceptible to privatisation, it ex- ing threat of legal action. must attempt to give the College “brand” a which had received the government’s con- plained why so much of our career advice Whenever I print an article or blog post bad reputation, and thereby make ignoring sent? is just advertising for the fi nancial sector critical of a person or institution, I am our complaints fi nancially unwise. And if In the words of George Orwell, “Every- and it criticised the College for allowing asked why I did not raise the issue with this means resorting to defamation then so thing in our age conspires to turn the writ- such an important service to become bi- them privately beforehand. It is, they say, be it. er, and every other kind of artist as well, ased towards wealthy corporations. easier to solve problems without making The importance of student journalism in into a minor offi cial, working on themes Before the article could be printed, how- them public. This may be true, but I do not this uphill struggle should not be under- handed down from above and never tell- ever, a member of College staff emailed write about these issues simply because I estimated. It is by far the best method we ing what seems to him the whole of the the Felix editor asking him not to publish want them to be solved. I write also be- have for rallying support behind a cause truth.” it. She said that it contained accusations cause I want to expose the behaviour of and, evidently, for troubling the estab- This small battle has been lost, but we “which could be considered defamatory” those in power, and I want students to be lishment. But when student journalism is will not be swayed by Imperial’s apparent in its “serious claims about a College aware of the true motives of the people silenced, Universities can get away with attempt to silence criticism. From now on, Stephen Smith service and its staff”. The email implic- they are supposed to trust. If all issues anything. Who but Felix can constantly we will seek out College scandals with re- itly threatened Felix with legal action if it were solved privately, then students would question Imperial’s authority and actions? newed vigour, and we won’t forget what printed the article. Understandably, it was be made ignorant of events about which I Imperial College is a University of sci- the role of the journalist really is: to speak not published. believe they have a right to know. ence and, as such, ought to be a place the truth to power. Who butbu Felix can This raises very serious questions about Imperial is a company like any other, where criticism is accepted, and never si- the independence of Felix, and its ability and therefore seems to put its fi nancial lenced. If the College disagreed with my A fully referenced version of this article is constantlyconstanconsta question to report on mistakes, lies and corruption wellbeing ahead of the welfare of its stu- article - even if they thought it was factu- available at rustylight.blogspot.com within the College. After all, what is a stu- dents. Consider, for instance, the issue of ally incorrect - they could easily have writ- Imperial’s authorityuthority dent newspaper for, if not to print stories coursework feedback. Students had been ten a response to be printed the following [The views expressed in this piece and sec- like the one in question? Are we simply complaining for years about the quality week. That is how debate works in news- tion are those of the author alone. The ar- and actions?? meant to paraphrase press releases from of the feedback, but it was not until Im- papers and magazines. It does not work by ticle in question was not published due to “ the College and the Union? Are we noth- perial’s dramatic drop in the most recent banning controversial writing. factual inconsistencies. In order to clarify ing more than a long-winded advertise- University league tables that the College Student newspapers, in particular, have any misunderstanding, Felix will investi- ment for those with power? actually did anything about the problem. traditionally been the voice of opposition gate claims made regarding the Careers Freedom of the press, if it means any- So it is with any such issue. Formally at Universities, but it appears that our Advisory Service in the near future – Ed.]

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www.imperial.ac.uk/accommodation Friday 16 March 20:00 - 02:00 Only £3.50 Free entry before 20:00 Drink Offers from 20:00 in Metric House spirit & mixer – £2.20 Vodka Redbull – £3.00 Jägerbomb – £3.30

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Album Launch 90Drinks From 20:00 Offers in Metric Wednesday nights Stella 4% £2.00 Boddingtons £2.00 Friday nights House spirit & £2.20 Only mixer TONIGHT! Vodka Redbull £3.00 £3.50 Jägerbomb £3.30 20:00 - 02:00 Free entry before 20:00 imperialcollegeunion.org/metric 18 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX Arts Editors: W i l l P r i n c e Eva Rosenthal ARTS [email protected] The Poet’s Column Hot? Or Imperial Hot? Can’t pay, Code{poems} is a project calling on programmers to summon their creative energies and write po- ICSM Drama set the stage alight with ems entirely in code. The brainchild of Ishac Ber- won’t pay, tran, submissions in most coding languages are accepted, so long as the poem is less than 0.5KB a little cross-dressing and a lot of fun and, naturally, compiles. For more information, check out http://www. codepoems.com/ Christopher Witham the attention needed in all aspects of its per- must see formance, but there appear to be no signs of Here’s one poem in code: In the year 2000, the American Film Institute this in the production. Staging is handled in- Laurence Pope named Some Like It Hot the greatest Ameri- credibly well and credit here must go to the can comedy fi lm of all time. At the time of its directors, Tom Philips and Katherine Kennet. Once more I managed to wangle my way into release, it won three Golden Globes and an Scenes of long dialogue are kept interesting watching DramSoc’s second spring term Academy Award. It is surely a huge undertak- and the pace never slows. Even violent scenes, production, Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay!, Nobel ing, then, to successfully bring a story with which in many productions of this kind can laureate Dario Fo’s 1974 farcical comedy, such pedigree to the stage. This is the chal- appear childish, are handled extremely con- involving pseudo-pregnant women, confused lenge that ICSM Drama have set themselves vincingly. Jonathan Buckley and Mike James’ husbands and a suspiciously similar-looking this term, and from what I’ve seen, they have portrayals of Jerry and Joe respectively must string of police inspectors and undertakers. I indeed been phenomenally successful. also be mentioned. Cross-dressing and putting was promised a barrelful of laughs, and I cer- on a silly voice is diffi cult at the best of times, tainly didn’t leave empty handed. but not only is this managed rather naturally, CP?WP! revolves around two frustrated “The energy shown by both actors give fantastically amusing perfor- housewives, Antonia and Margherita (Sophie mances. Hernando Kofman & Sinéad Ward), inciting the cast never lets up... However, what really struck me with this chaos in their local supermarket and making play was the entire ensemble’s absolute atten- off with a stack of goods. Life is far from sim- all performers deserve tion to detail throughout. Not a single lapse in ple, and very quickly their husbands (played characterisation could be seen throughout the by Tommy Partl & Tom Cunningham) grow commendation” whole performance, and the effort put in here suspicious. Cue a bizarre revolutionary po- gives the element of believability needed in liceman (Hasan Al-Farhan) and you have counterweight the plot’s absurdity. The energy a recipe for chaos (and hilarity!) as the two For those who have seen neither the fi lm shown by the cast never lets up and for this all women do all they can to evade both arrest nor stage adaptation, Some Like It Hot begins performers deserve commendation. and the ire of their hubbies. in 1929, where two musicians in a speakeasy Many more words of praise could be written witness the Saint Valentine’s Day massacre. about this play, but all comments boil down to Struggling to make money by fi nding work one simple thing: the play is incredibly enter- “More than once the cast elsewhere, they disguise themselves as women taining. Nothing has been lost in the transfor- in order to be part of an all female musical act mation of this classic fi lm onto the stage, and ended up giggling during and along with the rest of the group they make ICSM Drama are on to a defi nite winner. their way to Florida. On the journey and at the exaggerated scenes” destination much hilarity, of course, ensues. Some Like It Hot runs from Wednesday 14 It is very easy with the type of humour pre- – Saturday 17 March in the Union Concert sented in the play to become complacent of Hall It sounds very weird at fi rst – you might fear that a play about women stuffi ng bags of fruit and veg down their coats would struggle to remain fresh and funny throughout. Thank- fully this was not the case as the energetic cast kept the script from falling fl at and en- sured the physical humour and over-the-top scenes were delivered with aplomb. It’s clear that the actors involved have been enjoying themselves during rehearsals. An advantage of watching full performance re- hearsals is that you get to see the little blips that occur when there’s not a large judging audience present. More than once the cast ended up giggling during particularly exag- gerated scenes, and it was great to see them still enjoying their roles, even after weeks of practicing. The failure of Hasan’s fake mous- tache to stay on his face didn’t help matters much, though its repeated picking up and sticking back on only added positively to the farce. Even with its low budget and small produc- And a few haikus that aren’t: tion team Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! doesn’t fail to impress. If you’re suffering from Monday The Web site you seek blues, this is the perfect remedy. But please, Cannot be located, but for the sake of DramSoc’s fi nances, don’t Countless more exist. start holding up the front of house and begin stuffi ng tickets down your shirt. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! shows from 11 – 13 No one hears your screams. March at Metric. Tickets on the door: £3 Birmingham’s attempt to match London Fashion Week fell a little short of the mark for students, £5 non-students. FELIX Friday 09 march 2012 19 ARTS ¿No Pablo Inglés? Tate Britain examines the relationship between modern British art and Picasso

Silvia Davey Although laid out chronologically, portunity to see so many of Picasso’s the collection displays such a variety works collected in the same space, I remember being mesmerised when of styles that as I left, slightly over- which I was able to fully appreciate seeing Picasso’s ‘Guernica’ for the fi rst whelmed; I could not help but agree with the help of the detailed descriptions time in Madrid; the same happened to with Geoffrey Grigson’s description of and explanations provided for every the millions of Brits who were able to Picasso as “Belonging to all movements, painting. Amongst the highlights are a see the imposing painting when it was- yet outside them all”. Ranging from ex- hypnotizing ‘Head of a Woman’, the in- fi rst exhibited in England. It must be said pressionism, cross hatching and papiers tense ‘Nude, Green Leaves and Bust’ (in that it did take them the odd 30 years to colle (collages), neo-classicism, cubism which one of Picasso’s numerous lovers actually start appreciating Picasso’s art. is represented) the ‘Nude Woman in Red I found it hard to understand how this Armchair’ (used to publicize the exhibit) could have been the case when I walked “(Picasso)... an ever and fi nally ‘The Three Dancers’ which into the fi rst room of the exhibition. It retains all of its glory for the fi nal room. contained a variety of Picasso’s stunning developing, experi- Sadly, the ‘Guernica’ was left in Madrid paintings and prints, those that were fi rst but a couple of stunning preparatory The Three Dancers (1925) exhibited in London between 1910 and mental modernist” sketches and studies for it are displayed. 1914, and at the time widely rejected As promised by the second part of the and negatively criticised. Particularly exhibition’s name, you are not going to parisons between Picasso’s work and for the sake of anyone who fi nds it a for- breathtaking is his etching ‘The Frugal with its typical elements (the guitar, jugs be visiting a purely chronological dis- that of Grant, Lewis, Nicholson, Moore, eign concept. Meal’, which was the fi rst of his works and lemons) to purely abstract art with play of those of Picasso’s pictures that Bacon, Sutherland and Hockney a bit In 1960, The Times said about the Tate to enter a public British collection. The bonelike forms, it is impossible to classi- were particularly admired or hated by forced and far fetched. Still, the rooms Picasso exhibition that the “Curiosity exhibition then continues with an im- fy Picasso as anything other than an ever the British; you will also explore how that contain British art, which are inter- aroused by the magic name of Picasso pressive number of Picasso’s works, developing, experimental modernist. his art inspired and infl uenced seven spersed with those displaying that of the appeared to be the chief attraction”. which reached England during different Without a doubt, what I most appre- great British modern artists. Although Spaniard, are enjoyable and provide a Such was the case for me, and the art periods of the 20th century. ciated from the exhibition was the op- interesting, I sometimes found the com- brief introduction to British modernism, defi nitely did not let me down.

Imperial College Interfaith and Chaplaincy Centre presents: BUSINESS & RELIGION: IN DIALOGUE

THURSDAY 15TH MARCH 6.30 – 8PM BUSINESS SCHOOL LGS

01&/&7&/5t"--8&-$0.&

Christian speaker: Marcus Bateman; Vice-President Corporate Payments for Barclays Corporate. Lay Anglican Minister. Hindu speaker: Alpesh Patel; Trader. Financial Times columnist 2004 - 2009 and contributor to Sky, CNBC and BBC. Jewish speaker: Maurice Ostro; Chairman of Fayre Share Investments. Vice-Chairman of the Council of Christians and Jews. Muslim speaker: Tarek El Diway; Author of ‘The Problem with Interest’. Editor at www.islamic-finance.com.

Chaired by Rory Fenton, IC Interfaith Officer 2010/11.

For more information: www.imperial.ac.uk/chaplaincy or contact: [email protected]. ICU BELLY Come and see the bellydancers perform at their annual showcase this Th FELIX election special Friday 09 MARCH 2012 1

Voting opens Monday 12 March at 00:01 Voting closes Friday 16 March 23:59 Visit imperialcollegeunion.org/elections to vote and for further information ELECTION PULLOUT Remember RON! (Page 7) DEPUTY PRESIDENT (WELFARE) Binayak Basnyat

ourse: 3rd year Computing. needed and take new initiatives to in- “More Volunteering Opportunities” - Organise charity fundraising sports Project Leader of volun- troduce preventive measures so that Volunteering can be one of the most tournaments. teering group Project Ne- everyone can have an overall enjoy- rewarding ways to make a difference “Tackle academic issues as preven- pal, IC Football team and able experience. in local or international communities. tive measures” Department of Computing “Departmental Responsibility for Stu- I want to: - Reading week for every course. CSociety. dent Welfare” - Make it easier for students to initi- - Scrapping midnight deadline. (You Having spent the past three years at Leaflets and posters are not enough. ate new volunteering societies. (From will still receive equal expected work- Imperial, I have had my share of prob- - Senior tutors to chase up students few months to 2 weeks) ing hours for completion of each lems. The welfare system has helped lagging behind which could be a result - Build new partnerships with volun- coursework but you don’t have to skip me get through the intensive course of various issues other than academ- teering organisations to fast track our social activities.) that all of us face. This has strength- ic. All students come here with 3 or students. - Recorded lectures. ened my belief to stand up for this more A’s and there should be no ex- - Promote new opportunities avail- - Term Exams instead of all exams position to improve the system where cuse for lagging behind. able via dedicated website. in May. Jack Hewitt

or the last year, as RAG cers and Faculty Unions, significantly contracts and a blacklist of landlords International Students chair, I’ve chaired a man- reduced RSMU’s storage issues and and estate agents known to mistreat - Write regularly for Felix about the agement group of projects, sat on the Entertainments Commit- students. Union, how it works and what it can represented them at the tee. I’m both very experienced and - Hold an alternative careers fair, do for you Clubs and Societies Board, committed to the cause, having giving a different look at employment - Set up a gym buddy system for the andF been an active member of Union faced massive problems with hous- - Hold termly hall meetings, in every gyms on all campuses, both for Halls Council. I’ve chaired the New Proj- ing and as an international applicant hall, to stay connected with Freshers and course-mates ects Committee (overseeing the cre- who’d been to London twice before and the problems they face - Reinvigorate Imperial Home Solu- ation of new student-run projects), uni. - Make Smoking Quit-Kits readily tions to get more on there, photos written for Felix regularly, organised available to students and floorplans metric nights, a successful Jailbreak, If elected I will- - Hold monthly ‘Sabbatical Surger- - Provide a list of student discounts bike auctions with the current DPW, - Provide a housing guide giving ies’ - Ensure buddies are assigned on the Union Website and in pre-arriv- worked with all the Sabbatical Offi- information on basic housing law, before Freshers’ week, especially for al information, and budgeting advice Rebecca Lane

y name is Rebecca across every department. There care, I will campaign to further in- for purchasing food on campus. Lane and I am a needs to be an effective feedback crease the resources of the Student As a third year student, I feel that third year physicist. mechanism regarding personal tu- Counselling Service, meaning any I have the experience to represent I have had first-hand tors and there should be staff in student feeling isolated gets help undergraduates, but also the level experience of many every department committed to as promptly as possible. I will also of maturity to represent the voice of ofM the problems faced by Imperial student wellbeing. I think there also raise awareness about help avail- postgraduates at Imperial. students and feel that I can build on needs to be a more uniform peer able to students to reduce the stig- Support my welfare campaign, existing welfare policies. support service from department ma attached to asking for support. vote for Rebecca Lane. We all know how much of a high to department. Some faculties have I will also campaign to find a so- pressure environment Imperial can buddy systems; I think there needs lution to the lack of bike storage, be, and I am committed to making to be a robust model rolled out to provide basic bike tools in all sure that students receive the high- throughout college. lock-ups and continue to rally for a est possible level of pastoral care Aside from departmental pastoral prepay top-up college card system Reuben Margerison

hy should you vote that so few of these items are recov- creased across the whole of Impe- campus there does appear to be a lot Reuben for Deputy ered is the poor quality CCTV. There’s rial’s halls at a rate way above mar- of choice. A closer look, however, re- President (Welfare)? no point in having CCTV if you can’t ket value. This is especially important veals that the same sandwiches crop Because YOU’RE see anything! Better quality CCTV is following the tragic announcement of up in every café. A vote for me secures worth it. absolutely necessary around campus, the closure of Clayponds. If elected, I a look at how we can improve the food WThere are three main points that I and something that I would fight for. It promise to fight for the best value ac- across campus, with exciting and im- would fight for: is a great shame that it is not already commodation available, for both Post- portantly varied menus that cater for in place, to act as a deterrent to all graduates and Undergraduates, an all tastes and dietary requirements. 1. Better CCTV crimes, including theft and sexual issue which as a hall senior is close When people think of South Kensing- assault. to my heart. The future’s bright - the future’s Reu- ton, they don’t usually think ‘crime’, ben for Welfare. but a large number of thefts occur on 2. Fairer Accommodation 3. Better Catering campus, and one of the main reasons Accommodation charges have in- Food is a basic requirement, and on 2 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX election special

Voting opens Monday 12 March at 00:01 Voting closes Friday 16 March 23:59 Visit imperialcollegeunion.org/elections to vote and for further information ELECTION PULLOUT Remember RON! (Page 7) DEPUTY PRESIDENT (CLUBS & SOCIETIES) Joachim Dias

[No manifesto submitted]

Henry Whittaker

’m Henry Whittaker, a 4th year tainments Board Treasurer I have - Bring financial power to club officer house developer Civil Engineer. I would like to be tried to look after the A&E club fi- and Management group level - Make metric a usable space for clubs your DPCS next year. I have been nances and guided the A&E clubs - Create a training website that can be - Have transparency on expenditure heavily involved in clubs since my through budgeting, including working searched and students ca contribute on new staff first year and have worked with with Union staff to improve eActivities to Please vote for me putting an enthu- IUnion staff on many events, helping and solve problems brought to me by - Overhaul club finance system, and siastic, experienced and committed to deliver years of fresher’s weeks my clubs. improving eActivities student in charge of your clubs and and summer balls. I have experience I feel my experiences from Dramsoc - Create an online Volunteering projects next year. If you are interest- of a range of club activities and events and A&E has given me essential database ed in my plans, find out more or share through my role as Dramsoc technical knowledge of how the Union works - Better system for annual Budgeting, your own ideas at my website: director. and ways to improve it. using realistic budgets www.voteHenry.co.uk. Vote for Through my role of Arts and Enter- I would like to: - Create a new union shop, with an in- Henry!

DEPUTY PRESIDENT (FINANCE & SERVICES) Stefan Nubert

have worked for ICU as a Senior a weekly basis, I know what does Being both a sportsman and pas- more appealing to students. Steward/Entertainments Offi - and what doesn’t work at ICU. I sionate about arts, I want to give I want to see entertainments cer and have been involved in know where money is being wasted sports teams the ability to ‘take lead by student input, pushing for Clubs and Societies, from RSM that could be better utilised for the over’ Sports Nights and open up Fri- the reintroduction of the Entertain- Vice-President to GSA Treasur- benefit of students. I want to give day nights to Arts and Ents societ- ments Sabbatical position. Vitally, Ier, as both an undergraduate and students free entry to their own stu- ies so they can use their own ideas the finances saved through these post-graduate. I feel I have the best dents’ union by reviewing staffing and creativity, removing the expen- changes will allow budgets to be all-round knowledge and experience costs, the entertainments budget sive entertainments people don’t improved, and costs to be cut, for for the DPFS role. On top of this, I and the products ICU sells. Utilis- want to see and changing the music Clubs and Societies. have external fi nancial experience ing sponsorship will help reduce the policy. I will overhaul the Summer from working in consultancy. costs of Union events and also drive Ball, We Are Metric and Bar Night Having managed ICU events on down mini-bus hire costs. templates to make them viable and Chandana Shankar

hroughout my time at Im- ness experience. Last year I used this make the bars extra money, which will 5. Sell better value evening food for perial I have been heav- knowledge to resurrect the dormant then be used to support Welfare and longer ily involved with the Union, Cinema Society, and can do the same Clubs and Societies. 6. Introduce catering quality control at primarily chairing Cinema now for your bars. the point of service and the Arts & Ents Board. I have 10 key policies; each is a re- I will: 7. Give student DJs a chance SittingT on many Union committees, alistic solution to the problems and 1. Remove entry charges to the bars 8. Bring back barnights including Council and the Executive complaints the Union has repeatedly 2. Employ more student staff & im- 9. Simplify club officer finance training Committee, I have already made fi- faced. The Union is here for you, and prove their training 10. Strip out bureaucracy in club fi- nancial decisions at every level. In my policies will make your experience 3. Stock a regularly changing selec- nance procedures past summers I’ve worked in private less expensive and life more enjoy- tion of well-kept ales equity and at Citigroup, which has able. I will provide you with opportu- 4. Introduce a separate, quick ser- To see how I plan to do all this visit granted me a great deal of extra busi- nities for flexible employment and will vice, lunch menu VoteShankar.com FELIX election special Friday 09 MARCH 2012 3 ELECTION PULLOUT DEPUTY PRESIDENT (EDUCATION) Douglas Hunt

s Deputy President (Edu- versities outside Europe. role and responsibilities of being First Brand Managers. Additionally, cation) I will: - Increase SOLE participation DPE, whilst currently having a con- I have actively shown a passion in - Work towards achiev- rates across the college and make tinuous dialogue with Jason Parmar the education Imperial offers by ing personalised feed- sure the results are acted upon. (current DPE). Furthermore I am working with the current DPE on back on exams through -Raise awareness of student rep- used to dealing with teaching staff Notebox and being involved in the Apersonal tutor meetings. resentation. that resist change, I know what im- buddy system for the last two years. - Improve graduate prospects by - Carry on the current DPE’s work, provements students want and I ap- I am not doing this for my CV, creating an Imperial student forum which includes campaigning for lec- preciate that issues can take more as I have already secured and de- for internships and year in industry ture podcasts and improving the than one year to solve. ferred my dream graduate job. The placements. buddy system. I have shown a strong interest only reason I want to be DPE is to - Encourage faculties and de- in education from working in nurs- improve the quality of education at partments to set up exchange pro- As Chemistry Departmental Rep- eries, inner-city London schools Imperial. grammes with other world class uni- resentative I fully understand the and being one of Imperial’s Teach So don’t be a mug, vote for Doug!!! FELIX EDITOR Timothy Arbabzadah

’m currently the Comment Edi- pact your degree like feedback. • Adding another page of purely • Personally handing out copies of tor and love writing for, editing, • Ensuring the College, the Union, comedy content to make lectures Felix every Friday during lunchtime and reading Felix. My plan for and those in positions of power are that little bit more bearable. by the JCR, so I can instantly get Felix is the following: held accountable for their decisions. • Redesigning the paper to make your thoughts on the paper. • A fun and more enjoyable All while explaining what decisions it more visually appealing and keep • Felix office parties, open to all, Felix,I without sacrificing the serious taken by senior figures mean to you it fresh. At the moment it’s very with free drinks and food. If elected, side. I’m aiming for a perfect bal- the students. professional but it sometimes has you’ll hear that there “ain’t no party ance of the two. • Cheaper adverts for Clubs and a wall of text feel. I would train the like a Felix office party”. • More investigative reporting to Societies. They shouldn’t feel priced section editors to fully use Photo- get news stories, and exposés on out of advertising their events, espe- shop as well as InDesign to make Full manifesto: votetim.co.uk all aspects of student life. Ranging cially when there are other streams sure the paper looks great each from the social life to things that im- of revenue. week. Alexander Karapetian

rom the first day I started top of issues at Imperial, providing ply voice your criticisms. ensure my sections were produced at Imperial I knew I was you with weekly news and relevant As your Editor, I will bring back to the highest standards in both going to dedicate myself features. Hangman and make sure Felix is content and coverage. I aspire to to Felix. Since then, I’ve A vote for me is a vote for Trans- kept humorous by introducing two bring this rigorousness to the whole served the paper for three parency, Stability, and Professional- new subsections to it to keep you paper. Felix is an award winning Fyears undertaking various roles in- ism. We’ve been your voice since entertained. We need more comics, publication, and your vote can keep cluding News Reporter, Photogra- 1949 and we need to stay true to more wit, more investigative journal- it that way. Vote Alexander Karape- pher, Copy Editor, Web Editor, News this in an open and social manner. ism and more satire, and I mean tian. For full details of my ideas, Editor (2010-11) and Science Edi- If elected, I will set up and man a Mock The Week style repartee lo- visit www.alexkara.com. tor (2011-12). Having always had a Felix stall in the JCR every week to calised to Imperial. keen interest in writing and journal- give you a platform to approach us, I love Felix, and with the experi- ism, I’ve worked hard to stay on ask questions, get involved, or sim- ence I’ve gained, I’ve been able to Laurence Pope

stand before you, possessing as allowed under the constitution, tion has the potential to offer up discussion with the printers and the fi nest qualities of two in- in order to inform fellow students of good, satirical humour. I won’t im- weekly assessment of the number fl uential men - the integrity and what goes on and why, as well as pose hard and fast rules upon the of wasted copies. Likewise, I hope honesty of Rupert Murdoch, keep the Union on its toes. section, and will judge each piece to reduce the number of adverts combined with the power and Regarding recent controversies, I on its own merit. I will continue to found in the paper, though only if Ipopularity of Nick Clegg. Actually, believe that whilst Felix should aim encourage new writers to write for this does not come at the cost of hold up - best ignore that. to conform to the standards set by the paper, emphasising its more reduced quality. Transparency in politics is impor- the British press (minus the phone relaxed nature - Felix isn’t an exclu- Laurence Pope - for a phone-hack tant - no one appreciates secretive hacking) Hangman deserves great- sive society! free Felix. politicians. Should I become editor er freedom of expression. Should Over time I wish to refine the num- I would use my place in the Union Hangman still be cancelled I will ber of issues printed each week, re- to report on as much Union politics bring it back, as I know the sec- ducing wastage. This will be through 4 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX election special

Voting opens Monday 12 March at 00:01 Voting closes Friday 16 March 23:59 Visit imperialcollegeunion.org/elections to vote and for further information ELECTION PULLOUT Remember RON! (Page 7) STUDENT TRUSTEES (FOUR NEEDED)

Nathaniel Bottrell

ello! I started Imperial ber of positions in a variety of roles, change, one of which students may ed last year and reviewed at the in 2004 and next year which include Treasurer and Presi- not know about. The union is apply- last trustee board meeting, is soon will be my fi nal year as dent of two clubs, and chair of the ing for charity registration and by to be published. If elected, I would a PhD student. This year Recreational Clubs Committee (a law is required to register with the ensure the targets set by this docu- I am a student trustee. Management Group of the union). Charity Commission. Having already ment are met by the union. Vote for HIf elected for a second term, I know As RCC Chair, I sat on both Coun- served a term as a student trustee, me to ensure the union remains on I can serve the union’s major stake- cil and Exec, which has given me I have the background knowledge to target. holder, YOU, with the confi dence the a great understanding of the union put forward an opinion from the stu- role deserves. (including knowing the constitution). dent’s perspective. Vote for me to I believe a student trustee should A vote for me, is a vote for experi- keep continuity through the charity have a good understanding of the ence. registration process. union, and I do. I have held a num- The union is undergoing a major The 5 year strategic review, start- Hitesh Hassani Chandershekh

ola Que pasa! I’m a someone who is not afraid of step- I feel that this simple truth is some- Spindian (Spanish-Indi- ping outside the boundaries in or- time forgotten at Imperial College. If an) ChemEng guy and I der to do what is right for you; I am elected I will guarantee that this will want to be your Student the person. not be the case. Trustee. I will always strive to support stu- So to make your voices heard; HThe most important part of a uni- dents in whichever which way I can Vote Hitesh Hassani for Student versity is its students, and it is my and I assure you that if I were elect- Trustee! belief that students should have ed I would wholeheartedly bring for- a greater say in decision making ward your ideas and relay these to within the college and union, I be- the governing body so that all stu- lieve your voice must be heard! The dent needs and desires are met. governing board of the union needs I believe that students matter and Lejon Chua

he call to becoming a stu- mander in the Singapore Armed munity. Yet, year after year, there is ties and attributes. In particular, the dent trustee requires utmost Forces. Responsible for the lives of a lack of international representation job of a student trustee fits my driven, integrity and prudence. I be- 30 men under my charge and charting within the union. I desire to be the shrewd yet stolid nature and my keen lieve strongly that my past directions and plans for the unit as a unique international voice as part of interest to provide checks and bal- experiences have shaped whole. the independent body within the union, ances pertaining to finances. It also theseT two cardinal values in me and 2) Took on a professional multifaceted spurring constructive changes that taps on the key strengths I possess empowered me to want to commit to role in TUV SUD, a german certifica- would affect the larger community. as follows: the few yet highly crucial roles that a tion company (i.e. admin, laboratory, 2) Having relished the university expe- a) A calm confidence to be able to size student trustee undertakes. on-site). rience that the ICL and its community things up within a short time, make has granted me thus far, I want to fur- sound judgements and decisions that Previous Experiences: Motivations: ther enhance it for others in a position would impact at the large scale, yet 1) Armoured-Infantry Platoon Com- 1) ICL has a highly international com- that draws the most out of my abili- possessing a ...[word limit reached] Taehyun Lee

hy should anybody So I stayed up all night, for days, Do you have what it takes? Some what I have, for better or worse, I vote for me as a Stu- thinking about what to write here so people ask me. Do I have what it will try my best. dent Trustee? Well, that you all get an accurate descrip- takes? I ask myself sometimes. I that is a good ques- tion of who I am. know that I am not perfect. I know tion and I will answer I am a fresher (like 1500 others this and you have all the right to thatW at the end. here), studying computing (like 150 criticize me for who I am not. But at But first I thank every one of you others here). I am also an Asian the same time, acknowledge me for reading this manifesto this instant (like 100000 here) specifically Ko- who I am. because it means so much to me rean (like 100 others here), but If you vote for me, I promise you that you are. Not only that you all what distinguishes me is that I want that I will do all I can to make the are thinking about who to vote for, this Student Trustee more than any- better, more you all care where your votes go to. one and I know I can do this. enjoyable place for all of you. With FELIX election special Friday 09 MARCH 2012 5 ELECTION PULLOUT STUDENT TRUSTEES (FOUR NEEDED) Xingyang Lin

y name is Xingyang • Facilitate communication between • Create a database of the commu- to the board at any time Lin (Tracy) and I am a the board and students nication between students and the • Student Opportunities Page on 2nd year Mathemat- • Make sure that interests of the board our website that highlights key op- ics student, running student body always come first • Annual report on the work we portunities which students can get for the Student Trust- when making decisions. have done involved with. eeM of the Student Union. 3 ways to make our work more ef- 3 ways to share your ideas and It is your union. Vote for me to 3 objectives: ficient, transparent and representa- make complaints: make your voice better heard and tive: shape the future of the union. • Continue to increase awareness • Focus groups for students to about the Student Trustee position • Survey students before the board share their ideas among students making decisions • Email contact for students to get Nicolas Massie

he Trustee Board had three observer for this past year as Deputy pushed for support for student vol- I want to spend one more year broad functions. It over- President (Welfare) I feel adequately unteering and we now have a staff making the Union everything it can sees the Union’s long-term prepared to provide an informed, member who works on that full time. be. strategy, it approves BIG useful and representative voice. As DP Welfare I spend every day decisions (i.e. things that Over the years (this is my sixth tackling the issues facing us and I care about the Union Tcould have legal or serious fi nancial year here) I’ve seen things that have already achieved five of my I care about us implications) and it is the ultimate needed doing and done them. As seven manifesto points. I have the experience to exercise board for appeals against certain de- Social Clubs Committee Chair I in- We will soon have to register as a good judgment cisions. As a member of Union Coun- creased funding to cash-strapped charity. This is a complex procedure. I will stand up for clubs and stu- cil for three years, Union Executive clubs and improved the Union’s I’ve been involved in preparations for dents in a fair trustee board Committee for two, and having sat online club management system. over a year - we need trustees who on Trustee Board as a permanent As Community Action Group Chair I know what they’re talking about. Vote Massie, your trusty trustee. Daniel Stoddart

o you want someone countable to the student body. We those in power know that they must who will always listen are still feeling the consequences take these views into account. to you? Someone who of last year’s costly summer ball, The Union is run by the students, is not afraid to fight for but who is fighting for you, the stu- for the students. Vote for me if you your right to be heard? dents, to make sure that in saving want someone who will fight to DSomeone who will do their best the Union’s finances we do not de- make sure it stays that way, and to make sure that what is done is stroy all that is good about it? make sure you get YOUR say! what the students want, not what is I will be open to any suggestion easy? or idea that students have about I am that person. how we can make our Union better. I believe that the Union needs I will make sure that these ideas are to be more transparent, more ac- heard by those in power, and that Cora Xydas

eing a student trustee ted to strongly supporting decisions and increase student satisfaction! and sports societies, I know stu- is a great responsibility; ensuring I believe that I not only have ideas dents from all courses and all years, it means having a vote • A fair split of the budget be- and strong enough convictions to and discussing my university experi- in the most important tween under/postgraduates and make other members of the Board ence with them has made me real- decisions taken by the postdoctorates respect my views, but also that I am ize what changes ought to be done. BUnion. From dealing with the budget • Greater activity of clubs and so- open-minded enough to consider Giving ME a place among the stu- to supporting the various depart- cieties in cooperation with UK and other opinions and find the best dent trustees assures you YOUR mental unions, the Union trustee worldwide charities to involve stu- agreement, as I did as a member points will be heard, because the Board does everything. In my view it dents in broader challenges! of trustee boards before I joined reason I’m campaigning is to reach is essential that students are repre- • Closer solidarity between students, Imperial. a position where I can make a sented by tough people to make the a stronger “academic welfare” to As a second year biologist, closely change for you! Union hear their voice. I am commit- support them in their hard times involved in many of Imperial’s music So remember : vote for Cora! Joseph Andrews, Thomas Cosnahan, Yiming Hong, and Liam Noad are also running for the Student Trustee position, however the candidates did not submit manifestos 6 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX election special

Voting opens Monday 12 March at 00:01 Voting closes Friday 16 March 23:59 Visit imperialcollegeunion.org/elections to vote and for further information ELECTION PULLOUT Remember RON! (Page 7) CGCU PRESIDENT (only open to students of the Faculty of Engineering)

Temi Ladega

he role of the President of bers, CGCU execs, faculty staff and and others to provide a greater diver- need it. the CGCU is to ensure that Sabbs to better the student experi- sity of events and opportunities. I believe in supporting students, you, the engineers of Impe- ence. I am aware of and embrace the - I will work towards supporting and working for societies and building this rial have the best academic history and the traditions of the CGCU developing engineering societies to union because I care. and social experience that and aim to continue the good work bring back the fun in being an Imperial Let’s work together to make the thisT faculty can provide and if elected that has been done to build our faculty engineer and provide opportunities for CGCU great. I will do this to the best of my ability. union back to its former glory. all students to network with Alumnus. Vote Temi. In the past two years at Imperial, I If elected I will endeavour to see the - I will work to increase faculty trans- have served as a Year Rep, Hall Se- following fulfilled: parency in terms of academic affairs nior, Sports Captain and a Dep Rep - I will work towards building a great- and will endeavour to make the CGCU allowing me to build my experience of er interdepartmental cohesiveness work for its students, so that you can working with students, society mem- through working with events officers get the support you need when you Jialin Li

am Jialin Li, and I’m delighted your suggestions not only to be dent because I care about our fac- I’m young but experienced. I to announce to run for the heard but also to be fulfilled; you ulty, and I care about you. For any founded China’s only national stu- CGCU President for the coming want the faculty to support your suggestions or complaints from any dent union for international schools, year. dreams as well as supporting you to of you, I would never say “no this and it’s still expanding and develop- We engineering students are become a successful engineer, and cannot be done or changed”, even ing. Vote me for change, and I’ll de- theI future of the world! What we gain you want to make a difference dur- you want to have lectures on the liver you promises. from the university will determine ing the most wonderful 3 or 4 years Moon, I would always tell you that what the society will gain from us, in your life but just need someone “let’s push it forward together, to so everyone’s wellbeing matters! to help... Yes, I know all this. What see how far we can get”. You know I know you expect more from this I need is a chance to make this all that unlike scientists, there is noth- college. You want your hard work to come true for you. ing impossible for engineers! (No of- be seen and rewarded; you want I’m running for the CGCU Presi- fence! :D) ICSMSU PRESIDENT (only open to students of the Faculty of Medicine)

Shiv Vohra

take great pride in the fact fundamental changes next year, Welfare Clubs & societies are the life- that we have such an enthu- which will impact on virtually all as- Welfare support is paramount to blood of ICSM. I will strive to en- siastic student body at ICSM, pects and year groups of the medi- the wellbeing of our students. I am sure that their budget is protected which is the cornerstone for cal school. This is exactly where my very eager to operate an open-door as far as possible. I’m also commit- the success of ICSMSU. experience lies, so I firmly believe policy, and to continue with welfare ted to ensuring that clubs are kept II’ve been immersed within IC- that I can effectively oversee the campaigns. fully informed regarding any devel- SMSU for two years, and I would implementation of these changes opments with the ongoing BUCS absolutely love the opportunity to to ensure an effortless transition. Finances issue. step-up my contribution by becom- With inevitable funding cuts, it’s ing the next President! Careers imperative that we increase our Entertainments As a current Academic Officer, Our students consistently excel self-generated income in the im- The timing of RAG week, STFYD I’ve forged close working relation- in the UKFPO applications. I will do mediate future by looking for new and the Summer Ball needs a fun- ships with Faculty staff, which is everything to ensure that our stu- sponsors. damental rethink, primarily due to vital for ensuring that the voice of dents are fully equipped to continue final year restructuring. the student body is heard and that to succeed, in the face of upcoming Alumni there is an effective channel of changes to the UKFPO system. Our Alumni will play an increasing- Sites & Services communication between students ly important role in sustaining our fi- I will endeavour to continue the and Faculty. Biomedical Sciences (BMS) nancial security in the longer term, fantastic work of the current SU With BMS now entirely part of the and it’s essential that we continue regarding Reynolds redevelopment. Education Faculty of Medicine, I believe that to develop and expand the relation- Ultimately we’re at ICSM to be- this is an excellent opportunity to ship with our Alumni Association. Above all, it would be a great hon- come some of the best doctors in fully integrate BMS students into our to serve you because you make the world. Final year is undergoing ICSMSU. Clubs & Societies ICSM everything that it is! FELIX election special Friday 09 MARCH 2012 7 ELECTION PULLOUT RCSU PRESIDENT (only open to students of the Faculty of Natural Sciences)

James Tsim

he RCSU needs a president partments are available and the oppor- • Open up a vast array of opportuni- I am friendly and experienced individ- with great ideas and the mo- tunity to view your exam papers after ties to students who want to gain expe- ual: I am a RCSU Faculty representa- tivation and ability to make results. rience and join the teams in the RCSU. tive in the council, so I know what the them become reality. The • Introduce recorded lecture mate- • Provide you with top-class work- RCSU wants and needs. I am also Trea- RCSU is here to inspire stu- rial on Blackboard, so students can shops and career talks, helping you surer of Artifact Imperial, Pimlico Tutor dentsT to embrace opportunities, and I review past lectures. take the first steps towards a success- and sit on the Union’s Entertainment have the enthusiasm to encourage stu- • Provide students with sufficient ful career. Strategy Group, working to improve the dents to get involved. printing credits. • Strive to make Social Events better entertainment at Imperial. There is so much the RCSU can do • Organise inter-university social than ever before, keeping them cost- I am posed to take on new chal- for you. Vote James Tsim because I will: events, so you can network with stu- effective, fun and a night to remember. lenges, and now want to turn my full • Work to ensure a full set of past dents on your course from different • Improve student feedback on as- attention and efforts to developing the papers and answer schemes in all de- universities. signments. RCSU. John Xin Zhan

I take great pride in the fact that • organise more non-banking Above all, it would be a great hon- we have such an enthusiastic stu- events for the scientists and keep our to serve you because you make dent body at RCSU, which is the up the good work of other events RCSU everything that it is! foundation for the success of our such as the Winter Ball Union. Having been a member of • introduce more interactive RCSU, I would absolutely love the events, such as the Science Chal- opportunity to step-up my contribu- lenge tion by becoming the next President! • host more talks on internships As RCSU President, I will ensure and how they work, increasing stu- to: dent awareness • Improve your overall study expe- • Improve the buddy scheme rience

Think this year’s election manifestos are pretty dreadful? So does RON.

If you want to re-open nominations in search of a candidate more suited to the job, place your ‘1’ next to RON when it comes to voting time, and make your voice heard! Don’t waste your vote, you can rank RON above any candidate who you think might not be such a great choice. VOTE

RONto Re-Open Nominations 8 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX election special

Voting opens Monday 12 March at 00:01 Voting closes Friday 16 March 23:59 Visit imperialcollegeunion.org/elections to vote and for further information ELECTION PULLOUT Remember RON! (Page 7) PRESIDENT Henry Abbot

s the current Athletics ning and the experience of dealing red tape, as well as providing new sive ethos and allow people to casu- Clubs’ Committee Chair with College to get students what UROP-type placements for students ally drop by. I represent a fifth of Im- they want. This is why I am the can- to work at the Union over the sum- perial’s students at vari- didate best suited to being your mer to help prepare societies for voteabbot.com ous Union committees next Union President. the new year Aincluding Council and the Clubs - Restore the funding to Club and and Societies’ Board as well as If elected I will: Societies for 2013/14 to at least several College committees. The - Use my integrity and experience the level available in 2011/12 Union President’s job is very similar to effectively represent the student - Remove regular entry charges to to this; being the public face of the body, rather than myself the Union. It is unfair for the resi- Union, helping and directing the run- - Trust students more. Employ- dents of Beit to have to justify their ning of the Union and representing ers know how great Imperial’s stu- existence to the union staff and the student body on lots of College dents are, but it doesn’t seem the paying to get into the bar because committees. I have both the neces- Union does. I will give student of- the nightclub is open doesn’t make sary knowledge of the Union’s run- ficers more power and reduce the sense. Let’s give the Union an inclu- Paul Beaumont

ur Union needs some- the law, whilst putting the fun back • I want the Union to become a place I have more manifesto points on one with realistic ideas into our bars. students go to relax throughout the my website: icpaul.com. If success- and improvements. I • I promise to stop door charges for day – using Metric as a break-out ful, I will make the necessary chang- have the experience entry to our own Union. space by day, and as a club at night. es to take our Union from strength and dedication to be • As it’s financially viable (RCSU • I want to make the Union more to strength. OPresident from roles as RCSU Vice- does it), I want an ‘open bar’ Sum- transparent and better communi- President, the Union’s System Ad- mer Ball. cate the work it does for students. ministrator and Finance Society • I promise to spend time with stu- Vice-President. I have worked hard dents: currently hardly anyone sees As the only candidate from a Fac- this year organising events and rep- the people that represent us. ulty Union, I have experience in resenting scientists to their Faculty: • I promise to improve our online sys- dealing with representation to Col- now I want to use this experience. tems, saving time for club officers. lege. I promise to battle for fairer • I promise to put money back in stu- exams, better feedback, affordable • I promise to revise the new Re- dents’ pockets by introducing more halls’ rents and reinstating the hall sponsible Drinking Policy to follow student jobs in the Union. senior subsidy. Abdul Patel

he sabbatical officers are cally and internationally in addition (audio and visual recordings of all The most important part of any here to ensure that your to holding many other posts such as lectures) union is its students and this is time at the college is as the Union’s Court Advocate. Com- -Implementing a cashless card the only time you really/ truly have pleasant as it could be, bined, this makes me one of the system to be used around college your say. I will ensure your voices and, if elected, that’s ex- most experienced candidates going which can be topped up (similar to are heard and promise you better actlyT what I intend to do. for this position. an oyster card) representation. -Driving the Union to provide great- As Student Trustee, I sit on the If elected I will ensure the er transparency, accountability and Vote experience, Vote dedica- highest board in the Union, over- following: reduced bureaucracy tion, but most importantly, Vote for seeing Council, Executive Commit- -Putting constant, active pres- -Greater involvement and inclu- someone that listens and cares. tee, Court and all Faculty Unions. As sure on the college to address is- sion of underrepresented groups such, I am well aware of the Union’s sues such as poor teaching quality, such as post grads and internation- Vote Abdul. finances and operations. Being the inadequate feedback and lack of al students. most senior student ambassador, I resources -Generating additional revenues represent the college both domesti- -Pushing for a podcast system by renting out facilities over summer Vote from Monday at imperialcollegeunion.org/elections Y DANCING hursday 15 March in Metric at 7.30pm – shimmies, glitter and sequins... 22 Friday 09 MARCH 2012 FELIX Music Editors: Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto Mark England Alex Ramadan Simon Hunter MUSIC [email protected] Kadhim’s totally hot Triumphant return for The Cribs album of the week Simon Clark heads to ULU to reignite his passion for garage rock

I’m creating an ultimate revision Spotify playlist he band that once claimed to be for next week’s issue. Please email your sugges- “more northern than killing your tions to [email protected], or post it on the brother’s kestrel” have certainly Felix Facebook page. evolved somewhat since those plucky early days in Yorkshire pubs.T With more time spent across the pond Quantic & Alice than not in the last few years and opening a Russell set with a blasting performance of new track Look Around The named for the city Chicago (Chi-Town); have Corner the Jarman brothers swapped Wakefi eld for Springfi eld? Tru Thoughts No. Even though their music has taken a 2012 more garage rock Americana feel over the past couple of years, this owes more to an evolution of their sound under the wings of producers “We’ve come for your kestrel” such as Steve Albini (Nirvana, Pixies) rather than a determined shedding of their status as the archetypal indie-pop northern band, The vourite Cribs tracks before the main event. No One’ prove their new sound is just as rele- Do you know anyone who says, “Music is crap Cribs still have their feet well and truly plant- Albeit slightly reminiscent of Lad-rock types vant ever in these tough times indie based out- nowadays?” Let’s be honest: those people are the ed on the dales. on the Carlsberg’s, the hearty unity of the fans fi ts; but I digress. With Johnny Marr no longer most boring people you know. In fact, you’re not Once labelled the “biggest cult band in the is something I believe you can buy into which babysitting, the adolescent nature of any Cribs even sure why you know them anymore. Everytime UK” by Q, as soon as you enter any Cribs gig defi nitely adds to the experience. gig is back with a vengeance, fl ying toilet rolls you hang out with them you fi nd your brain warning you feel like you have just stumbled into a As they walk onto the stage any questions and stage invasions still all the rage. you, with fundamentalist zeal, “Get the fuck out of family reunion, an experience which is exem- regarding their passion are quickly addressed, The interplay between the twins with guitar, here before I cut off the oxygen to myself”. plifi ed by the fact the intimate nature of ULU and this transfers quickly onto the crowd. bass and vocals is a natural chemistry which Quantic & Alice Russell are two of the UK’s makes you feel like you could be in your Aun- The brothers quickly work their way through is there for all to see and with solid drumming fi nest, if the not the fi nest, independent artists. ties front room. The community spirit amongst a mixture of old and new without giving the by the little one it’s very tight performance Both release through the sublime Brighton label the dedicated is as strong as ever, whilst my audience time to come up for air. Hits such all round. Even now at their fi fth outing, the ‘Tru Thoughts’. Since the millenium they’ve been sympathy was with the support band compet- as ‘I’m a Realist’, ‘Men’s Needs’ and ‘Hey raucous power of a Cribs gig is something I carving out a space away from the mainstream of ing with more than a few lairy individuals as Scenesters’ work the old faithful into a frenzy, would urge anyone who hasn’t experienced to British music for soul, funk, gospel and blues. And they perform acapella renditions of their fa- whilst new tracks ‘Anna’ and ‘Come On Be a go and watch. my god is that space a good place to be. The album whisks you off to all corners of the globe, with ‘I’d Cry’ leaving me with fl owers in my hand outside a Cuban restaurant, stood up by my long-legged Habanera date; with ‘Travelling Song’ dropping me slumped drunk in a New York jazz Reviewed in 60 Seconds bar; and ‘Boogaloo 33’ throwing legs and arms in ★★★★✩ all directions on some Ozzie beach. ★★★★✩ It’s the kind of music that I’d love the director to Got an album you want use when shooting the biopic of my life. Boys of a certain age who have read Jack Kerouac’s On the to shout about? Road, or watched a Godard fi lm or two, are prone to bouts of solipsism like this. Put more simply, when wandering the streets of Soho drunk, we fall into the trap of narrating the night in our heads, Send us a short review with a with suitably ostentatious imagery, and friends transformed into ‘characters’ who are then blown rating and we’ll be your soapbox all out of proportion. I should confess: I do this almost all of the time. And from now on, whenever I imagine my life being a billion times cooler than The Pharcyde Alcest it is (what’s a billion times zero?), Quantic, Alice Labcabincaliornia Les Voyages De L’Âme Be sure not to miss... Russell, and the Combo Barbaro will play on in my head. Veronica Falls I’ll end by beseeching you to dive into ‘Tru Thoughts’’ back catalogue. There’s gem after gem; Most people know a few songs by A Tribe This ambient black metal album somewhat Scala it’s perhaps the best independent label this side Called Quest; they brought us jazz infused fails to deliver in its promise of black metal Wednesday 14 March of the millenium. This latest release, Look Around hip hop with rhymes worth paying attention but does deliver an incredible range of mate- the Corner, does credit to their record of putting to. Perhaps it’s because ‘Tribe beat them to it, rial; largely Slowdive style shoegaze, it occa- Go down to the Scala on wednesday out great music, and its title is wonderfully sug- but these days fewer people seem to be aware sionally drops into its genre tag with visceral night to hear some beautiful, C86 gestive – softly prodding the UK public to check of The Pharcyde. There are many similari- distorted basslines and fast, heavy drumming. tinged, lo-fi pop courtesy of Veronica out what’s going just down their street beneath ties between the two groups but this, their sec- Opting out of the brutal catharsis usually of- Falls. I have had thier self titled de- the ostentation of modern pop. ond album, really raised the game in terms of fered by metal, this album makes use of sung but on repeat for the past few months production. Employing the late Jay Dee (J vocals to produce chilling moments of beauty. and I cannot reccomend them highly I’ll confess, this album isn’t actually out yet – it’s Dilla) on half the tracks saw numbers such as The sound isn’t densely layered and indi- enough. They combine elements of out on the 2nd of April. If you think I should only ‘Runnin’ and ‘Drop’ really change the game in vidual instruments are easy to pick out, but The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart review albums that have been reviewed already, terms of sampling and production. Both tracks if Xasthur and My Bloody Valentine both and Orange Juice into an end result tweet, “Do it again or I’ll show you what for” @kad- sounds as fresh today as they did when they lay within your tastes it’s defi nitely worth a which is both swoon-some and fan- himshubber. Alternatively, tweet @tru_thoughts and were released 17 years ago. listen. tastically hummable. ask them for a promo copy. Simon Hunter Ross Gray Mark England FELIX Friday 09 MARCH 2012 23 MUSIC

Is Springsteen still the Boss? George Jeffery’s A beginner’s guide to Michael Krestas fi nds reason to celebrate with the release of Wrecking Ball post-hardcore ruce Springsteen is fi nally back. After the unfortunate death of his long-time friend and music Shapes companion, saxophonist Clar- Lesson 9: ence Clemons, the Boss has been preparingB for the release of his 17th studio al- bum titled Wrecking Ball packed with a tour across the US and Europe starting late March. For those of you not belonging in the hard- core fans of Springsteen you may have the im- age of an American wearing a red bandana and singing a patriotic anthem called ‘Born In The USA’ back in the 80s. This is not what Bruce Springsteen has been for the past 40 years of his career; at least not just that. His music has been inspired by fi gures like Bob Dylan and Elvis and has also been a great inspiration for fellow New Jerseyan Bon Jovi, the Foo Fighters and many more. Springsteen’s work has always been about “judging the distance between American reality and the American dream — how far is that at any given mo- This week’s band and the last two I’ve reviewed ment.” as he mentioned at a press conference Bruce wants to know why you haven’t bought the album It was out March 5th! (Meet Me In St. Louis and Blakfi sh) are all related held in Paris mid-February. by the fact that they are (or used to be) signed to From the iconic Born To Run and the strug- UK-based record label ‘Big Scary Monsters’. On my gle to escape from a dead town, to the massive ers”, “the fat cats”, “the greedy thieves” who Alive’, which incorporates portions of Johnny quest of the past few years to fi nd new and ever- hit album Born In The USA inspired by the destroyed everything and their actions were Cash’s ‘Ring of Fire’. The song is fi lled with better alternative music I’ve learnt that you tend pain and despair the Vietnam War brought to left unpunished. Different characters arise, voices of those that died making a stand “Well, to fi nd all the best bands somehow clumped to- the Americans, to The Rising and its elevating similar to each other, sharing the same feel- I was killed in 1963 one Sunday morning in gether and the goody bag labelled ‘Big Scary Mon- spirit after the 9/11 hit, Springsteen has always ing of anger and disgust. They seek salvation Birmingham”/ “Well, I died last year crossing sters’ is a prime example of this. Despite it being a embedded in his music and lyrics traits of the and cleansing through criminal methods – Is the southern desert”. Their spirits, however, one-man independent jobby, for some reason the American society, backing up the blue-collar this where we’re heading? At that point ‘The live on and their “souls will rise to carry the majority of genuinely good UK-based alternative guy, judging those responsible for the decline Depression’ reveals the vulnerability of the fi re and light the spark”. bands are affi liated with this label. Many of the of his hometown, for the constant fading of the working man. Hope is long, long gone and all Wrecking Ball is no Born To Run or Born In bands signed to BSM are not in any way hardcore American Dream. the narrator needs is the love of his companion The USA. Personally, I would place it some- and so if you are more partial to softer indie mu- Wrecking Ball is an album inspired by the during these hard times. where between The Rising and Magic, label- sic then I would strongly recommend checking out latest fi nancial and socio-economic crisis. The other half of the album has a more up- ling it as one of Springsteen’s best albums dur- their collection because it’s a blinder. That said, The album opens with ‘We Take Care Of Our beat tone. ‘Wrecking Ball’ sets the “image ing the past 20 years. It’s so amazing to see a the post-hardcore bands are amazing too, Shapes Own’. The artist assesses the current situation where something is destroyed to build some- 62-year-old rocker carrying the same spark he being one of them. This trio are again from Bir- of his homeland before he strikes the listener thing new”. The optimism is carried on on had when he was performing in Asbury Park mingham and formed in early 2008. Releasing with a series of questions the rest of the album what I think is the best song on the album, 40 years ago. Having been experiencing with their fi rst EP just fi ve months later, the band had tries to answer: ‘Land Of Hope And Dreams’. Containing various music types and singing, he presents a already gained attention amongst hardcore fans “Where’s the love that has not forsaken me elements of Curtis Mayfi eld’s ‘People Get stunning piece of work which combines rock, and this response to their music escalated. Just Where’s the work that’ll set my hands, my Ready’ and demonstrating Springsteen’s Cath- folk-rock, gospel and even hip-hop elements. another seven months later and they had been soul free olic upbringing, the song marks the movement Although not an original E Street Band record, snapped up by BSM and recording EP number Where’s the spirit that’ll reign rain over me “from guys who are really very angry to guys the production by Ron Aniello, joined together two, The Pasture, The Oil. After it’s release in Where’s the promise from sea to shining whow are angry but constructive”. The song’s about 40 musicians, including many guest per- May 2009, their fan base grew far wider and even sea” spiritual intro followed by Steven Van Zandt’s formers - Tom Morello plays electric guitar in ‘Zankyo Records’ in Japan wanted a piece of the The next few songs, ‘Easy Money’, ‘Shack- magical mandolin and Big Man’s emotional two songs – creating a solid album that came action. The next couple of years saw them tour led And Drawn’, ‘Jack Of All Trades’, ‘Death saxophone moment join perfectly with Spring- to remind us that Bruce Springsteen, living with the incredible Glassjaw and Pulled Apart By To My Hometown’ take a look at the injustice steen’s passionate voice and meaningful lyrics. through his 4th career decade, has so much to Horses before recording their debut full-length that has surrounded the actions of “the bank- The album closes with the uplifting ‘We Are say, so beautifully. with Eskil Lovstrom of Refused fame. This album, Monotony Chic, was again met with ubiquitous and well-deserved critical acclaim. Shapes are known for their explosive sound both live and on record. This sheer aggression is then met with calculated off-beat rhythm and intricate guitar work to make In other news... something which is not only fascinating but phe- nomenal to listen to. If it’s possible, the music is even better live when it’s being smashed into The supergroup Gorrillaz have released an accompanying video your ears by three Brummie men losing their shit to their Converse-promoting song, DoYaThing. The song, featuring on stage. As I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know, the incredible talents of James Murphy and Andre 3000, has this band is actually still together and they gig in been cut down from its epic thirteen minute duration to a more London often. Their next show is 17 March at the YouTube-friendly fi ve-or-so minutes. Covering the mundane activ- Wilmington; you better be there. ity of getting up in a morning in less-than-ordinary house (think gimps, bowls of ears and a bus-sized creature laying on the roof), Writer’s Recommendations the video is an animated marvel. But to appreciate the song prop- Watch the video for ‘Trampled By A Horse’. Truly ri- erly hunt out the unabridged version. diculous. Missing breakfast inspiration? Give ear-on-toast a try 24 Friday 09 MARCH 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] Ten new releases to look out for

We Bought a Zoo (16 March) Aimed at a large Christmas audience in the States, the signifi cant delay in the U.K. release suggests the studio is banking on the warm, spring reception here in Europe. Which is just as well, because Cameron Crowe’s feel-good family drama involving lots of furry animals (the title makes this clear) is an ideal fi lm for both the older and younger generations. In a very Jerry Maguire-type of plot, Matt Damon, who plays a likable widower, quits his job in the city and decides to relocate to the quieter, brighter countryside with his two young children, and ends up buying a zoo for his house. Let the redemptive reconnection between a parent and kids begin, as well as blossoming new romance with a local hottie (Scarlett Johansson).

The Hunger Games (23 March) Based on the popular young adult novel, industry experts are hopeful that the ticket sales for this will match the hype that went with the Twilight franchise. While it’s still too early to be making bold estimates like that, the Battle Royale-esque plot involving a futuristic world in which 24 unfortunately selected teenagers are fi rst trained and then forced to fi ght for their lives until there is only one survivor, a “game” that is watched by everyone. Intense and gripping, although the 12A certifi cate suggests there will be less blood. This also has the advantage of having secured two rapidly rising stars of Hollywood as the main leads: the Oscar-nominated, gutsy Jennifer Lawrence and The Kids are All Right’s Josh Hutcherson.

The Kid with a Bike (23 March) The Grand Prix winner at last year’s Cannes Film Festival (the second highest honour), the Dardenne brothers have once again succeeded in delivering a compelling, emotional roll- ercoaster ride. Abandoned by his own father to a foster home, 11 year-old Cyril falls into trouble as he tries to reconnect with his distant father and also retrieve his lost bicycle. He befriends a local hairdresser who agrees to care for him during the weekends, as well as a local gang member who manipulates the boy’s need for a stable father fi gure to take him under his wings. It has already been hailed as one of this year’s most gripping, intriguing and exciting, despite what may sound like a slow, bog-standard, foreign indie drama.

Titanic 3D (5 April) Say what you will about the three-hour long fi lm where essentially a boy and a girl who aren’t supposed to fall in love do so anyway, whilst a gigantic ship sinks after hitting an iceberg that jeopardises the lovers’ plan: the fact remains that James Cameron’s Titanic walked away with 11 Oscars and a cool 1.8 unadjusted billion dollars at the worldwide box offi ce. One of the world’s most beloved fi lms is back, this time with a 3D conversion; considering that Cameron is the man who started this recent obsession with the extra dimension, he must have done a remarkable job. An unmissable cinematic event for fans, and perhaps even fi rst-timers may fi nd themselves hooked and tearing up at Leo and Kate’s doomed romance.

This Must be the Place (6 April) A word of advice – brace yourselves before you get even a glimpse of the poster of this fi lm. Sean Penn has never looked this scary. And this is the man who’s played convicted criminals in the past. No, this time he’s a bored, retired rock star, a soft-spoken, slightly spaced out individual. After his estranged father’s unexpected death, he goes on a very personal trip around America to fi nd an ex-Nazi offi cer who tormented his Jewish father in Auschwitz. This kind of eccentric character is absolutely ideal for the kind of diverse and unique actor that Penn is, and a self-discovery road-trip is always a good starting point for a touching and beautiful journey of what appears to be an interesting character. FELIX Friday 09 MARCH 2012 25 FILM r over the Easter break

The Cabin in the Woods (13 April) Before you roll your eyes and dismiss this as yet another predictable slasher horror in which attractive youngsters are killed off one by one by a deranged psychopath after the group makes the foolish mistake of going to an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere, have a closer look at the trailer. To start off with, these unfortunate people are harassed by not one serial killer, but instead a secret, well-organised group which seems to be equipped with hi-tech terrorising resources. Produced by Joss Whedon, the man behind Buffy and this summer’s much anticipated Avengers Assemble, The Cabin in the Woods could be that rare horror fi lm that carries with it some originality as well as some genuinely scary moments.

Jeff, Who Lives at Home (20 April) From the director of Cyrus, 2010’s well-received indie comedy, comes Jeff, Who Lives at Home, the heart-warming yet unexpectedly funny story of the aimless slacker Jeff (Jason Se- gel) living in the basement of his mother’s (Susan Sarandon) house, and his married brother (Ed Helms). “You may not be able to change your dysfunctional family, but destiny, you can take control of,” is the tagline this fi lm is trying to sell. When his brother suspects that his wife (Judy Greer) may be cheating, Jeff helps with the spying process. The Duplass brothers, having both written and directed the fi lm, have assembled a killer cast, and all the festival attention this has been receiving bodes well for the fi lm’s overall quality.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (20 April) This must have been an absolute nightmare to fi nance and advertise for, given its highly unappealing title – fi shing itself is an acquired-taste kind of activity, take this to the Yemen and you’ll have an even smaller audience. But Lasse Hallström, known for his heart-warming dramas (Chocolat, Hachi: A Dog’s Tale, Dear John), is the reliable man in charge telling the story of a fi sheries expert (Emily Blunt), a consultant (Ewan McGregor), and a hopeful Sheik (Amr Waked) coming together to bring the sport of fl y-fi shing to the desert of Yemen. Despite the seemingly bland subject material, Blunt and McGregor form a likable team, and Kristin Scott Thomas pitches in some fi ne comic performance as an ambitious politician.

Albert Nobbs (27 April) Glenn Close is now a six-time Oscar nominee thanks to her latest passion project. Adapting a play she performed around thirty years ago, her performance has won rave reviews since its release last year, and it fi nally hits the screens here. The tragic story of a woman living dis- guised as a male butler in 19th century Ireland to survive and make ends meet in the sexist society, Close never sets a foot wrong in portraying the paranoid woman trapped within the walls she built for her protection. It’s a touching, gentle and subtle drama that also makes good use of its excellent ensemble. Janet McTeer also nabbed an Oscar nomination as the person providing support for Close, whereas Mia Wasikowska is her usual charming self.

American Reunion (2 May) The original American Pie gang is back, 9 years after their American Wedding stint. Times have changed, their living situations have changed, but have they really grown up? Jim (Ja- son Biggs) and Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) are busy bringing up their two year-old son, Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) is a married househusband, Oz (Chris Klein) has a new hot squeeze, and Stifl er (Seann William Scott) is still Stifl er, but with a job this time (we see him defecat- ing in a picnic basket so maybe thankfully for the audience, he hasn’t quite matured). Also back are Jim’s Dad (Eugene Levy) and Stifl er’s Mom (Jennifer Coolidge) who end up in the same bedroom. Will the destined pair fi nally hook up in this instalment? Only time will tell. 26 Friday 09 MARCH 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] Two spies who love me

This Means War one-night stands, is actually thinking of settling down with the girl who he Director McG is truly taken aback by. Tuck, reeling Screenwriters Timothy Dowling, from his divorce and struggling to con- Simon Kinberg, Marcus Gautesen Cast Reese Witherspoon, Thomas nect with his son whilst having to deal Hardy, Chris Pine with the cold-shoulder treatment from his ex, also fi nds something deep and John Park meaningful during his time with Lau- ren. Yes, there is nothing romantic, ethi- With a love triangle that is as impossi- cal or legal about how these two spies bly good looking as this one, it’s diffi - constantly have their eyes on this wom- cult to know which pair to root for. But an by spending some hi-tech valuable to put things simply, it’s a showdown I spy...with my little eye...something beginning with H... national resources – but this is McG’s between a young James Bond (Hardy) world. It’s not supposed to be taken too and a young Ethan Hunt (Pine) who seriously. And once you get past the are also best friends. “I know that you in-love Lauren appears, it’s no more a A part of what makes this such a medienne Handler. Her dialogue is rich issue regarding invasion of privacy, it would take a bullet for me, I would for nice bromance, but a full-on war, hence watchable experience is the entirely with dry, sarcastic and sexually charged turns into an entertaining romp. you as well.” Awwwww. Their bro- the title. A slight misunderstanding in- convincing chemistry Hardy shares zingers, and with her deadpan deliv- With appealing leads, McG sustains mance is shown in none other than a volving a blind date and a chance en- with Pine. They’re cheeky, funny, and ery of the well-written lines, she is an the intrigue surrounding his love trian- loud, kinetic action scene on the rooftop counter at a video rental store, the two seem uninhibited as they appear scene invaluable addition to the already im- gle but where he fails to truly impress of a tall Hong Kong tower, something men meet her within minutes, and are after scene bickering like two immature pressive cast. This allows Witherspoon is with his action scenes which never director McG (Terminator: Salvation) completely taken by her. Witherspoon, little boys. As they spy on Lauren she room to develop her character more and fi nd enough momentum. As a subplot, should be familiar with. But it’s noth- the talented comic actress who can do has no problem sharing all the intimate although Handler’s role may be plagued these two CIA agents manage to anger a ing special, with a modest scale that this kind of simple role in her sleep, is details of her two relationships to her with predictable clichés of a borderline dangerous mobster. And surprise, Lau- seems to be a waste on the two talented effective in showing us just why these blunt gal-pal confi dant Trish (Chelsea alcoholic, sex-obsessed, middle-aged ren gets caught in the middle of some- young actors. And just from watching two tough guys are bending over back- Handler). FDR (Pine) has small and woman, the fact that she adds a whole thing deadly. What follows is a highly the fi rst ten to fi fteen minutes or so of wards to impress her. The snarky, sly delicate hands – and this has more trou- lot more quality laughter into the fi lm unsatisfying car chase, followed by one uninspired, highly ordinary footage, we interception of various dates begins, bling implications, and Tuck (Hardy) is works out as a massive plus. anti-climactic shoot-out in which Lau- immediately begin to worry whether with the two spies, who have access to British – which apparently means the Despite the obvious humour that ren makes her ultimate decision, all too the rest of the fi lm will be as mediocre. plenty of CIA’s most advanced resourc- same thing. Hilarity ensues as the two drives a lot of the fi lm’s fi rst half, soon, with a far too convenient solu- Things get more interesting however, es, smartly outdoing one another in the spies are powerless to stop her. the script also remains faithful to the tion to give everyone a happy ending. for both the leading men and the audi- most spectacular ways. It’s a nonsense It’s not all about the bromance how- more romantic side of the two sets of It will make you cringe, but because of ence, when Witherspoon enters the pic- screwball comedy, worked to maximum ever: because Witherspoon is paired relationships. FDR, the womanising, its consistent build-up, ultimately it’s ture. As her bright and perky unlucky- effect with the occasional action added. with a priceless comedic supporting co- club-hopping playboy who lived on an ideal fi lm for a brainless night-out.

Total mayhem and carnage... just your average night at Metric

Project X ducing use of the unsteady cam – pos- imagine Costa could have been a funny, night’s about changing the game.” continues, which is all it takes to justify sibly the MOST ANNOYING fi lming over-the-top character, always goading Project X was supposedly inspired by its existence in this day and age. Director Nima Nourizadeh type ever. his pal into ever-more-risky territory; a similar event in Australia a few years The ending concludes with the boys Screenwriters Matt Drake, Michael The premise, admittedly, is hugely un- here, as adamantly enacted by Cooper, back when, thanks to a moronic Face- defi nitely feeling the life-changing con- Bacall Cast Thomas Mann, Oliver Cooper, original. Like all the other many fi lms he’s just loathsome, venal and without book post, hundreds of people turned up sequences that must be paid for their Jonathan Daniel Brown of this type, the motivating factor in the humor, and that he pointedly identifi es for a house party, resulting in uncontrol- delinquency. However, the fi lmmakers screenplay by fi rst-timer Matt Drake and himself as Jewish won’t endear him to lable mayhem and madness…and a bill still imply that, even if they do nothing Lucy Wiles Michael Bacall (Scott Pilgrim vs. the guardians of the religion’s reputation. for the parents of thousands of aussie further of any use in their whole lives, World, the soon to be released 21 Jump dollars. In Project X, after a slow and they’ll always have this one massive A distinctly unfunny teen-exploitation Street) is the urgent and uncontrollable slightly tedious start, it seems like every- event; here lies the problem of the fi lm’s comedy about an epic all-night party that need for teenage boys, specifi cally of the “Have teenagers al- one in North Pasadena between the ages lack of point-of-view, leaving it to the quickly collapses into anarchy, Project X geekish persuasion, to get laid. In this of about 16-18, plus a few older party- viewer to decide if the party was a good/ also is a clever kind of clean page; view- tale, this is exactly what lanky nice guy ways been this mo- goers and a bunch of younger hopefuls, bad/absolutely horrifi c thing. ers can project whatever feelings they Thomas (Thomas Mann) would like for has gathered at Thomas’ house for a Aesthetically, the fi lm just does your have about the degenerative behaviour his 18th birthday, so plans are hatched ronic?” party of awesome proportions. The DJs head in, unless you can cope with the on display, since the fi lm itself offers for an epic, lady-fi lled blowout the night pound classics into the calm neighbour- nausea that comes with ‘home-cinema’ very few opinions. In that way, produc- his parents leave town for the week- hood, the alcohol fl ows all too freely, effect fi lming. Under the pretext that a ers manage to provide a cultural, genera- end…you can see the problems arising The format is predictable, but what slutty girls strip off and jump in the pool, raver is fi lming the party, fi rst-time di- tional and even political theme to debate, already. Project X does manage to do is remove an unsuspecting dog is sent airborne via rector Nima Nourizadeh and cinema- one that will captivate a portion of the Unfortunately, taking control of things all the usual elements of cuteness from multiple balloons, a piñata spills Ec- tographer Ken Seng swing the camera teenage demographic it shows, just as is Thomas’ pal Costa (Oliver Cooper), the equation; being a nerdy teenager stasy tablets, all morals and inhibitions around repeatedly and unfortunately it alternately angers, infuriates and dis- a rude, crude, grubby little creep who has always involved a certain amount fade, Thomas’ parents Mercedes ends induce a strong feeling of seasickness. gusts other, probably older, audiences. ignores rules – notably those laid down of awkwardness, angst and anxiety, but up underwater, and the drug dealer turns The images tend to be dark and random, From watching the fi lm, several ques- by Thomas to do with limiting the party there usually is some fun attached, and up with a fl ame thrower. They meant it the music incessant; this is certainly not tions are raised. Firstly: have teenagers to two or three dozen guests and not al- the usual teen fi lms tap into that nearly when they said awesome proportions. the fi lm to see when hungover, or with always been this moronic, or does Proj- lowing them in the house. Costa keeps universal insecurity and apprehension Amazingly (and somewhat unrealisti- a headache. From a production point of ect X set new boundaries? Secondly: reassuring Thomas that everything will connected to the rites of passage. Here, cally), the cops only visit once and leave view, the set is such carnage that you did earlier generations approach having be fi ne, and not to worry about it, while there is none of that – the desperation after they are turned away by some legal must imagine the vast amount of clear- a good time with such serious planning making sure drugs will be widely avail- level is too high; it’s all about getting chitchat from Costa, who aspires to be ing up for retakes would be horrendous. and forethought? And thirdly: does this able courtesy of a horrifi cally unsavory booze, getting drugs, getting sex, and lawyer. Eventually, however, the party And where on earth was the movie shot fi lm set the standard for the nausea-in- dealer. In another movie, you could all immediately. Or, as Costa says, “To- becomes major media news even as it so as not to bother the neighbours?! FELIX Friday 09 March 2012 27 Television Editors: George Barnett James Simpson [email protected] TELEVISION Today your diary entry will read: “took a prozzie hostage and was shot by three armed bastards!” Spotify playlist

George Barnett with each oth- James Simpson er. But is Alex still Some of the best music from the My name is Alex Drake, I’ve just been shot and alive? soundtrack to all twenty-four episodes. that bullet has sent me back to 1981. I may be At the http://tinyurl.com/a2aplaylist one second away from life, or one second away end of from death. All I know is that I have to keep series fi ghting: fi ght to live, fi ght to see my daughter, two, Alex “One has simply fi ght to get home. wakes up not experienced the Alex Drake (the smoking hot Keeley Hawes) tro comes screeching in 2008, having delectation of mu- is a trained police psychologist and negotia- to a halt and out steps DCI accidentally been shot sic from the era of tor who has recently been researching the case . Screw forms and by Gene during the foiling of Thatcher until one of , an offi cer who claimed to have bureaucracy, Gene is a cop- a group of corrupt offi cers – but there’s has availed oneself been sent back to 1973 after being hit by a car per from the good old days of gut i n - no bullet wound on her forehead. Is she dead? of this playlist.” in 2006. stinct and steel-toecap boots. Alex Drake is his When she returns, it’s 1983 and the increasing G Howard In the fi rst two of the fi ve series (Life On new DI. bureaucracy in the force arrives in the shape of Mars), Tyler was in a coma for some time after Over three series (and twenty-four one-hour DCI (Daniel Mays) – there to investi- the car accident. On regaining consciousness, episodes) as the team gate Gene’s conduct. his accounts of DI Gene Hunt (), punch, kick, shoot The exquisite aura of evil which manifests it- the whole of The Woman in Black. All of which DS () and DC Chris (and subject to self around Keats is of Rickmanian proportions, is rather fi tting, but we’re already far enough Skelton (Marshall Lancaster) were dismissed as psychoanalysis) which, combined with his fantastic socially- into spoiler territory! fantasy, but for Alex, it’s all about to get very most of Lon- awkward deport- All in all, Ashes is brilliantly thought out and real. don’s crimi- ment, is more some of Gene Hunt’s witty quips will have peo- Lured into a disused nal low-life scary than ple surrounded by armed bastards and fi ring up shipping container by scum, Alex imaginary Quattros (or should that be Quattri?) a seemingly mentally and Gene de- for some time to come. Watch it! affl icted man with velop some- a revolver, Alex thing of a is shot in the love-hate head and wakes relationship up to fi nd her- self in a brothel (and dressed as a top-class prosti- tute, phwoaar)... in 1981. The red Audi Quat- BBC

FFireire up the 28 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX Games Editor: Laurence Pope GAMES [email protected] The impact of immaturity Keir Little discusses why the gaming community needs to buck up its ideas if it ever wants to be taken seriously

aming has boomed recently: its popularity, company profi ts and presence in popular culture are at a level unimaginable twenty years ago. No one bats an eyelid ifG you say you play videogames, and the stereo- type of a game player being a ‘nerd’ (and all that comes with it) is thankfully being broken down. Games have become a form of entertainment just like television or literature. Unlike other media, though, gaming culture — that is, its players, de- velopers and critics — has a lot of growing up to do. Whereas once videogames were toys for children, the vast majority of popular games now are made for, marketed to and played by adults, though a glance at any games discussion forum online would have you thinking quite the oppo- This isn’t a great stereotype... site. “What’s disappointing is the extreme ease with They look content now, but wait until someone breaks their killing streak which casually racist, bid she actually be good at what she’s playing — mainstream games – Alyx Vance from Half-Life sexist and homophobic then, the conclusion will be quickly reached that 2 is a scientist dressed in normal clothes; Samus she’s either fat, ugly or slutty. Aran from the Metroid game series is sexy with- slurs are used” Misogyny is inherent in games more than any out being sexist and wears armour that looks like other entertainment media. Browse the shelves of it could defl ect more than a raindrop. This seems a game shop and see how many covers feature to be largely overlooked by the community, ...but let’s be honest, neither is this one Screaming profanities at one’s killers and a woman who’s essentially just ridiculously pro- though, and the fact that these characters appear gloating over one’s enemies is par for the course portioned curves in a few square centimetres of in countless “video game babes” lists (this publi- in online games. They wouldn’t be the same clothing. Any that don’t, fl ip them over and see cation included) is cause for some concern. people will begrudgingly stop watching the without it, but what’s disappointing is the ex- how many have a support character who plays I’ve mentioned ‘mainstream’ gaming as, like show. Usually, the series’ earlier, good episodes treme ease with which casually racist, sexist and the same role. Gaming is a medium where one fi lms, there are big blockbuster games as well are still fondly remembered. When a game series homophobic slurs are used. While these are in- doesn’t just hire an attractive actress, but designs as smaller, artier ‘indie’ games. Unlike fi lms, changes, or an individual game fails to deliver on dicative more of lack of thought than anything a character from the ground up to be a walking no game so far seems to have bridged the gap, promises, the internet becomes fi lled with fans’ else, when a real female voice is heard in a game sex object, with physics to control the jiggle of and been a piece of artistic impression while rage. For example, the recent announcement that things take a turn for the worse. A woman playing each individual breast (yes, really!). This is of- also appealing to a wide audience. Unlike any Mass Effect 3 will allow gay relationships (male, an online game can expect to be propositioned fensive not only to women, but to the men who other media, games are unique in that they can of course — otherwise there’d be no complaint) for sex, threatened with rape, insulted on her skill play games, suggesting that a real, developed fe- use the player’s actions as part of the storytell- has resulted in several angry outbursts, the most or intelligence or demanded to reveal herself, just male character is something we’re not interested ing; the game mechanics themselves can be part ridiculous being that the idea is non-canon — in for daring to appear in the game room. God for- in. That’s not to say there are none of these in of the plot and symbolism. My favourite exam- a roleplaying game, where you choose exactly ple of this is Bioshock, which subverts its own whom you want your character to be. One of gameplay to deliver a twist I can honestly say my favourite games, Team Fortress 2, was made is better than any fi lm I’ve seen (and yes, I’ve completely free-to-play last June, nearly four seen The Usual Suspects). Yet still, Bioshock is years after its initial release. Owners who bought a game largely about shooting people or hitting the game soon after its original release date re- them with a wrench. Its atmosphere is beautiful; ceived an in-game badge to show their ‘veteran’ its twist magnifi cently dealt, but its plot is little status, which provoked outrage. “I paid for this more than ‘objectivism is bad.’ While games that game,” people complained, “and all I get for it is can be called works of art exist, there are not any a badge?” seemingly oblivious to the four years which have a plot comparable to a good book they’d spent playing it. or fi lm. Is this because of a lack of good writ- One could point out that such childish behav- ers working for major game developers, fans who iour can be seen in any pub or football stadium, cannot enjoy a deep plot, or just that developers and they’d be right. But gamers are seeking new- are afraid to release something that doesn’t ap- comers to the hobby, and for it to be recognised peal to the lowest common denominator? I hope as a legitimate entertainment and art form. I men- it’s merely the latter. I’m sure gaming can do bet- tioned the old stereotype of a gamer is breaking ter, but with the utter lack of sensible storyline or down, but a new one is taking its place – that of believable characters in any current blockbuster self-absorbed lazy lads, doing nothing better than games, it’s going to take a long time. Gaming sitting around, drinking beer and playing on the needs its Dark Knight. Xbox. If the gaming community— vocal, obnox- Finally, the gaming community is self-entitled ious and ever-present on the internet — wants to to an extreme. When a television series goes in shake this image before it’s too late, they’ve got a Explain to me why someone would wear armour vulnerable to a pair of blunt scissors the wrong direction, critics will complain and lot of growing up to do. FELIX Friday 09 march 2012 29 Fashion Editors: Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang [email protected] FASHION Fashion’s big re-shuffl e Jacobs, Pilati, Sander, Simons and Slimane; Alice Yang brings you the latest amid a designer overhaul

s a month of high-fashion draws to an own future plans, the heads of YSL validated strong his best collection end with yards of lace, cashmere and rumours by naming Hedi Slimane as the house’s new yet, Simons de- leather erupting lavishly off the Paris creative director. parted to a standing catwalks, the unavoidable fact is that For those out-of-the-know, Hedi Slimane is noth- ovation and an a tornado of names is what belies the ing less than a fashion legend in his own right. Hav- encore; it was centreA of its storm. ing held a cult following whilst he was creative a monumental There has been an explosion in terms of change at director at Dior Homme in the 2000s, and known end to his ma- the top of fashion this season, morphing the familiar for his introduction of the super-skinny silhouette jestic journey horizon of creative designers as we know it into a (i.e. the driving force behind the male skinny jeans of infl uential completely new landscape. Fuelled by the rumour revolution); Slimane was, and still is, the menswear simplicity with mill created by keen-eyed journalists anxious to designer of our time. In fact, Chanel’s own fashion the house. pair-off displaced designers with prospective houses, mogul Karl Lagerfeld puts Slimane’s suits down as Given the such turbulence has been envisaged ever since the the reason he lost a remarkable amount of weight in infl ux of scandal involving John Galliano kicked-off nearly a 2001. newly dis- year ago. This new appointment of Slimane to YSL is noth- placed de- The biggest news to date: Hedi Slimane has re- ing short of a homecoming given that he led their signers, as well placed Stefano Pilati as the creative director at Yves menswear designs in the late 90s, yet it is still a big as the prospect of Saint Laurent. jump for the house. Not only will this be the start further reshuffl ing, Late last week, after numerous mumblings, the of Slimane’s career in womenswear, it is photogra- a waterfall of poten- French luxury house confi rmed that Stefano Pilati phy he has dedicated himself to these past 5 years, tial candidates has would not be renewing his contract after this season. and so understandably, the fashion world watches on cascaded the fash- Although the house claimed in a statement that Pilati with high expectations and even higher tensions. No ion blogosphere to had been “instrumental in rebuilding and reposition- doubt YSL’s show next season will be one of the most try and answer its ing” the label, guiding it to become “a contemporary highly anticipated. golden question: reference in high fashion”, Pilati’s tenure at YSL has From one reinstatement to another, the headline Who will be the Yves Saint Laurent AW 2012 2012 2012 Sander Sander AW AW Jil Jil Haider Ackermann AW 2012 not been without its bumps. In fact, it was widely news from Milan fashion week was that Jil Sander new creative director Versus AW 2012 speculated a couple of seasons back that Pilati would would be making a return to her eponymous label 40 at Christian Dior? be replaced at the house since it emerged he had lost years after she founded it, following the release that Having ruled out Riccardo Tisci and Azzedine despite stating, “I am at Vuitton, and I am very happy favour with the label’s chief executives, owing to the Raf Simons would be leaving his post at the helm of Alaïa last season, London designer Christopher Kane there” himself last year. Add onto this rumours that line’s accessories selling better than its clothes. the house this season. became the center of speculation last week follow- Raf Simons or Stefano Pilati may make Dior (or Yet having followed on from Tom Ford, Pilati’s Having recently completed his highly acclaimed ing his collaboration with Donatella Versace on a even Louis Vuitton) their new home, as well as the 8 years at the house have been an overall success. ‘couture trilogy’ for the label, Raf Simons’ farewell Camden-inspired acidic-tie-dye collection for the dif- sweet sound that Galliano himself may return to the Greatly concentrated on precision tailoring and show was a breathtakingly simple one. With a fl ow fusion line Versus. throne, and the torrents currently underlying the fash- luxurious fabrics, Pilati’s designs were sensual and of petal pink and ivory coats daintily clutched at the Yet as soon as Kane had ruled himself out of the ion world are fast becoming as intricate as a political seductive, with a heavy hint to the Parisian elegance chest, which morphed into a procession of shiny black race, the rumour mill turned to Haider Ackermann, power swap. Saint-Laurent himself had strived for, but which PVC and leather dresses, Simons’ fi nal parade brought another of fashion’s most talented new designers, af- Its all change at the top of fashion as designers and were somewhat lost amongst Ford’s sexually pro- tears into the eyes of those that watched. Heralded as ter it was reported that a bouquet of fl owers had been houses alike line up for a big game of musical chairs, vocative pieces. sent to Dior’s HQ earlier this week with a congratula- yet we must remember that it is the CEOs who are In fact, Pilati’s last collection on Monday seemed tory message for him. This has since sent editors and playing God. This leaves the creative visionaries in almost prophetical. Elegant bare-backs, glittering “Hedi Slimane has re- bloggers alike into a fl urry, as not only was Acker- second place behind the money jiggling of chief ex- chain mail dresses and leather wasp-waisted jack- mann popularly conceived to be “too edgy” for the ecutives, and unfortunately, such expressively fragile ets; Pilati’s fi nale infused darkened sincerity with a placed Stefano Pilati as legendary label, it is well known that Karl Lagerfeld imaginations have a tendency to get caught up and sparkle of fl oral romance, as if hinting that he would has named Ackermann as his preferred replacement swallowed in whirls of media attention and unwar- emerge from the thicket of changeovers as a bloom the creative director at at rival French house Chanel. ranted pressure. So as fun as this game of Guess Who of freshness. Inevitably, following the Louis Vuitton show on is, let’s hope for the benefi t of all that this storm is But alas, before Pilati has managed to reveal his Yves Saint Laurent.” Wednesday, Marc Jacobs also re-entered the scene coming to an end.

Hedi Slimane Stefano Pilati Jil Sander Raf Simons Marc Jacobs Christopher Kane Haider Ackermann John Galliano 30 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX Books Editor: Maciej Matuszewski

BOOKS [email protected] A Handmaid’s Tale Jacek Dukaj’s Ice A political and philosophical alternate history thriller

Maciej Matuszewski

I fi nd it rather disappointing how so few of the books available to readers in this country are written by foreign language authors. Sure, you can fi nd translations of all the French and Russian classics in the larger bookshops but not much from other countries and certainly nothing contemporary. I’m somewhat at a loss to explain this phenomenon. Other European countries don’t seem to have this problem, with some bookshops devoting up to half their fi ction section to translations. I think that it’s a great loss for the British public – foreign litera- ture is a way of immersing yourself in new cul- tures without leaving your home – it broadens the mind and gives you a new viewpoint. I bet that not many of you have even heard of Hen- ryk Sienkiewicz, despite the man having won a Nobel Prize in Literature. It seems that, in gen- eral, publishers have seemingly decided not to run the risk of giving their readers something different. I was therefore pleasantly surprised when I heard that the independent British pub- lisher Atlantic Books will be putting out an English translation of Jacek Dukaj’s acclaimed Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale often ap- science fi ction alternate history novel Ice be- pears on people’s lists of recommended novels. Un- fore the year is out. fortunately, I have a somewhat bad record at reading Ice is set in alternate universe during the must-read books so I only picked it up last week. 1920s, where the 1908 Tunguska event un- Perhaps, however, I should begin to pay more atten- leashed creatures known as “lute”. Looking tion to such highly recommended books since The almost like angels made of ice they move at a Handmaid’s Tale is honestly one of the best books I glacial pace but bring endless winter wherever have ever read. they venture. As they move through Siberia, Set in the near future where a crisis brought on by and later European Russia, agriculture collaps- mass infertility has allowed a Christian fundamental- es and people fl ock to cities to fi nd new live- ist government to take over the USA, renaming it the lihoods and protection from the deadly cold. Republic of Gilead, the novel follows Offred whose The lute have, however, created a whole new only worth to the regime, as a low class but fertile industry, transmuting anything that they pass woman, is, in her own words, “a womb on legs”. through into strange new materials, such as an This is a chilling and bleakly believable tale of life incredibly light and strong steel or coal that, under an oppressive totalitarian and fundamentalist when burned, produces darkness and not light. regime. One of the most famous quotes from the This has all drastically altered the balance of novel is “nolite te bastardes carborundorum” but the power on the continent – the First World War fact is that we see everybody, even those who have has never happened and the European powers positions of power or who the reader had thought maintain an uneasy peace. were strong, being ground and broken down by the Benedykt Gierosławski, who provides the harsh societal and political climate. novel’s narration, is a poor mathematician liv- Let me guess, this novel is set in Imperial Russia? The focus is of course on Offred – stripped of her ing a Warsaw that is still occupied by the Rus- family, her identity and even her old name – now re- sian Empire. He earns a pittance working as ferred to only by the name of the man to whom she a private tutor but everything changes when, separatists; Polish terrorists and freedom fi ght- cinating and we do see glimpses of brilliance is providing her services. While forced to maintain a one morning, he is awakened by functionaries ers; and the mysterious members of the Church but Dukaj wallows in the worst excesses of quiet and pious outer demeanour through her fi rst from the Ministry of Winter who inform him of St. Marcyn, lead by Rasputin himself, who pseudo-philosophy, resulting in pages of pages person narration we see her desperate struggle to that they want him to travel to Irkutsk, deep worship the Ice. I have never before read a of what, to me, is just meaningless drivel. This maintain her identity, and hope for a better future, in Siberia, to fi nd his father, who they believe book that explores political intrigue with such also leads to some rather weird moments. The despite all that surrounds her. has developed an ability to speak with the lute. depth. fi rst line of the protagonist’s narration is: “It The true strength of the book is its language and This thrusts him into a world of political in- was on the eve of my Siberian Odyssey that I narrative style. Offred’s account is structured as if trigue, as various factions try to control him fi rst began to believe that I don’t exist”. This she were directly addressing the reader. There is a and his father for their own ends. This ele- “...most of the book is doubt leads him, a few chapters in, to suddenly great deal of nonlinearity as she goes off on a tan- ment is the greatest strength of Ice. The book switch from fi rst to third person. I do often en- gent or remembers something important from the is long and slow paced, allowing this complex spent exploring the na- joy elements of weirdness but here they don’t past. This makes us feel like we’re in her head – political situation to be explored in great de- have any depth. They’re fun to read but they making everything feel more real and immediate. tail. We see a picture of how power in the Rus- ture of logic...” just don’t add anything. She begins to feel like a real person so we can’t help sian Empire is dangerously fragmented – the I should probably say here that I’m not try- but feel for her. list of the people and organisations trying to ing to discourage you from reading Ice. I This is a powerful novel that works on every level. control Benedykt is quite impressive. We have Unfortunately this element is not the main recognise that books like these can often be Atwood is a masterful author and I thoroughly recom- Szulc-of-the-Winter, the governor of Irkutsk; focus of Ice. Rather, most of the book is spent subjective and it certainly has been popular in mend that you check this and her other work out. Pobiedonoscew, head of the Siberian mining exploring the nature of logic, and how the fab- Poland, winning numerous awards. You should Maciej Matuszewski monopoly Sibirożeto; Rappacki, the Russian ric of reality itself has been affected by the certainly give it a go, even if only to try some- Minister of Winter; the Tsar himself; Siberian arrival of the lute. This could have been fas- thing different. FELIX Friday 09 march 2012 31 CLUBS & SOCIETIES The business of religion College Chaplain Andrew Willson discusses the ongoing conversations resulting from the Occupy movement

Andrew Fok he camp of Occupy Lon- on Islamic banking and fi nance. Marcus don has fi nally been evict- Bateman is Vice President of Corporate ed from outside St Paul’s Payments for Barclays Corporate. His Cathedral. I had visited the current area of responsibility is Product site and talked with a few Management for Faster Payments. He Tpeople. I liked the way they focused at- is a Licensed Lay Minister (LLM) in tention on the how the current econom- the Church of England. Maurice Ostro ic crisis is being handled. The camp is Chairman of Ostro Minerals (UK) highlighted the close links between the and Chair and founder of Fayre Share Cathedral and the City of London. Yet Investments. He is also a trustee of the it also had wide support from local UK Anglo-Israel Association and the Coun- Churches. Their members feel the eco- cil of Christians and Jews. nomic issues themselves and hear the This is not about fi nding complete stories of hardship from their partner agreement. Religious communities communities in developing nations. have good questions. Yet, like St Paul’s The existing systems of banking and they cannot avoid their own involve- regulation have led us to this place of ment in the current systems. No one is economic instability and rising inequal- pretending that religious communities ity. The world wide Occupy movement have all the answers. Rather we want to focuses the demands of people around The relationship between religious traditions and business could provide a new angle to the Occupy movement widen the debate about issues that affect the world for new thinking and new all human beings. There is a sense of ur- ways of doing business, ways that of- gency. Religions with long memories – fer some stability for our futures. Much seen within different religious frame- The Jewish idea of ‘sabbath’ ques- fi nance and business. They will be in- like political campaigners - know that of the outcry about recent bonuses for works. Our religious traditions have tions the purpose and scope of work, vited to answer questions from students if current practice is not reshaped with bankers at RBS comes from a sense that long histories and have adapted to dif- while the idea of ‘shalom’ gives a ho- about how their own faith engages with justice then those with the most power after the greatest wake-up call in eco- ferent economic systems over the cen- listic vision of prosperity. Christianity their business practice and what in- will shape things for their convenience nomic history nothing much seems to turies. Religions have views about the asks how the poorest are to share in sights it offers for shaping the current and at the expense of the majority. have changed. Instead austerity, fi nan- purpose wealth, and how to combine general prosperity. situation. Members of the panel are cial instability and increasing inequality justice with our personal economic At a time of economic uncertainty drawn from the Hindu, Muslim, Jewish Business and Religion : In Dialogue seem to be all that is offered. needs. For example, Islamic banking maybe dialogue with the religious tra- and Christian faith traditions. Alkesh Thursday 15 March, 6:30-8pm in Student concerns about debts and em- asks fundamental questions about the ditions about fi nance and business can Patel, is a trader and columnist for the the Business School LGS lecture ployment options – and how these play purpose of money. In Hinduism there is give an new angle to the debate. Stu- Financial Times. Tarek El Diwany was theatre. out around the world - now feature in the idea that fi nancial success needs to dents from Imperial Interfaith and the head of the Islamic Finance department For more see www.imperial. the conversations we hear as Chaplains. be seen alongside true devotion if the Chaplaincy are bringing together a pan- at Prebon Yamane in London and a ac.uk/chaplaincy or ‘Imperial Inter- In a multi-faith team these concerns are success is to bring goodness into life. el of people with varied experience of bond trader. He now writes and consults faith’ on Facebook.

Reporting on the latest from Raincatcher Imperial Following on from the success of their recent Metric Night, Raincatcher is busy obtaining sponsorship for the ambitious Water Carry Walk

Pavitar Singh Devgon attention by showing what a physi- cal feat this is to carry water long In the latest fundraising endeavour, distances. Given that this walk has open to both Raincatcher members earned Raincatcher a lot of publicity and members of the public, each and donations in the past, we hope person will carry 10 litres of water this year’s will be a success too! approximately 10 miles from Tower As mentioned, you don’t have to Bridge to Imperial College. The Wa- be part of Raincatcher to participate. ter Carry Walk is taking place this So if you want to come along and Saturday (10 March) so it’s not too help out our charity, experience what late to join in, but do get a move hundreds of children have to do, or on! As well as being a way to col- if you just want to show off your lect sponsorship for our project over muscles, come along and join in! For the summer of building a rainwater every participant raising over £100, harvesting system, this event helps to we will provide a free Raincatcher highlight the importance of a sustain- T-shirt! able water supply. So what are you waiting for? Get Each day in Tanzania, hundreds of involved! Sponsorship forms are children as young as 5 have to carry available from our website: www. clean drinking water similar distanc- raincatcherimperial.org. You can es from government-owned and dis- also find out details about our proj- tributed supplies back to their homes. ect and donate to us through Virgin We’re trying to bring this to public Money Giving on the site! 32 Friday 09 MARCH 2012 FELIX Food Editors: A n a s t a s i a E l e f t h e r i o u Michael Krestas FOOD [email protected] Chocolate & Oat Cookies by Brigitte Jessica Janssen Imperial Fairtrade Fo

Brigitte’s second submission for the Fairtrade Food Awards: Flourless Intensely Chocolate and The second Imperial Food Awards have ended – Anastasia Eleftheriou and Mich Oat Chewy Cookies. Brigitte Jessica Janssen’s Gooey, Fibre And Mango infused Blackberry ST Muffins earned her the top prize: a £30 voucher for online shopping 1 site ethicalsuperstore.com. Congratulations!

Ingredients 30g jumbo oats 2 eggs 185g self-raising flour 40g Fairtrade demara sugar 25g mix of pumpkin + sunflower seeds 25g Walnut Halves Who said delicious cookies can’t be Fairtrade? 1 tsp vanilla extract 1/2 tsp baking powder 50ml milk Ingredients 150ml natural yoghurt 1 Fairtrade mango 255g Fairtrade Demara Sugar 1/2 Fairtrade lime 85g Fairtrade Cocoa Powder 75g Blackberries 3 eggs (whites) Muffin cases (makes 16) 2 tsp Vanilla Extract 100g Jumbo oats Method Baking paper 1. Preheat the oven to 180 Degrees Celsius 2. Squeeze out the juice of the lime into a bowl. Method 3. Break the walnuts into smaller pieces using a mortar. 8. Equally distribute the batter into the cases 1. Preheat the oven to 180 Degrees Celcius. 4. Carve out as much of the mango flesh as adding a few blackberries into the cases as 2. Separate the egg yellows and egg whites. possible and purée it using food processor. this is done so that they are in the middle of 3. Mix the egg whites with the rest of the ingredi- 5. Combine all the ingredients, except the the muffin. ents well. berries, making sure that it is mixed well in 9. Place the tray into the oven for 30 min- 4. Lay out the baking paper on a tray and scoop a bowl. utes, letting them cool in the tray once taken the batter onto the tray to form the cookies. Makes 6. Line a cupcake tray with muffin cases. out. The muffins may be quite gooey, so they ~10 depending on sizes. 7. Chop the blackberries into halves. should be solidified in the fridge. 5. Place into the oven for 7 minutes and let it cool on the tray afterwards. Jordan Purvis and Alison Lee took the second spot with their ND Coffee and Walnut Cake! For a little more inspiration, the 2 prize takes the form of book Leon: Ingredients and Recipes

Ingredients Finally, add in the milk slowly while constantly beating the mixture. The For the cake: mixture should give a smooth consistency 50g walnut pieces (add less or more milk depending on this). 225g Fairtrade light brown sugar Pour the cake mixture into the baking tin 225g soft unsalted butter and bake in the oven for roughly 30 minutes, 200g plain flour or until the sponge has turned brown or feels 6 teaspoons Fairtrade instant espresso springy to touch. A sharp knife can be used powder to pierce the cake layer to check whether the The Fairtrade Fortnight 1 teaspoon of Fairtrade cinnamon baking is done. 2 1⁄2 teaspoons baking powder After baking, leave the cake to cool on a ends tonight. Don’t miss 1⁄2 teaspoons bicarbonate of soda wire rack. 4 eggs cm cake tin Start making the buttercream frosting by the Market Stall @Sherfield, 2 x 15ml tablespoons milk boiling some water in a small saucepan and Method adding the espresso powder. 11.30am and Soapmaking For the espresso buttercream frosting: Preheat the oven to 180 Degrees Celsius/ gas Sieve the icing sugar in a bowl and beat 350g Fairtrade icing sugar mark 4. Bash walnuts to a rubbly powder in the butter with a wooden spoon. Add in class @ Union 175g soft unsalted butter (leaving little bits and pieces will be fine) the hot coffee liquid mixture slowly and mix 2 1⁄2 teaspoons instant espresso powder, with a rolling pin and mix with the rest of well. MR3, 6pm. dissolved in 15ml of boiling water the dry ingredients. Once the cake has cooled down enough, Cream the butter and sugar together, spread the espresso buttercream frosting on Others: and beat in the dry ingredients and eggs top of the cake and decorate with walnuts 25 g walnut halves, or enough to decorate 20 alternately. and some cinnamon powder. FELIX Friday 09 march 2012 33 FOOD ood Awards: The Results ael Krestas sift through the entries in search of Imperial’s best cookery maestros The final main competition winner, Faye Thomsit, fired up the fruits and created a Foxy RD Fairtrade Sunshine Soufflé, winning a copy of Just Desserts: 50 sweet surprises using Fairtrade 3 ingredients

Serves 2 12g Tate & Lyle Fair trade Gran Sugar whites in gently, without losing any air. Suitable for vegetarians, coeliacs and 1kg Spoon the mixture into the ra- those who are dairy intolerant. Free Range Egg separated mekin and cook for 25 minutes. (or one white, to ½ yolk if scaling up) Do not open the oven door You will need during this time, as this will One Plate Method cause the Soufflé to collapse. Two Ramekins (or an old Gü pot, good For the Soufflé grease the ramekin with Dressing the plate; Use the spare ra- for reuse) oil, then finely grate the chocolate into mekin to mark the centre of the plate; A Saucepan or Microwavable bowl the ramekin and roll it round the sides. then lay the papaya cubes round the ra- Oven set to 150 Degrees Celsius Place 25g of dark chocolate in con- mekin in a circle. Next lay the mango tainer in warm/simmering water (make slices out like rays of the sun, spreading Ingredients sure the container does not touch the from the papaya. Between each piece 1 Papaya/pawpaw cut into cubes bottom of the saucepan, or the choco- of mango, place a round of banana, 1 Mango cut into slices late will burn), alternatively melt the then sprinkle on the coconut if desired. 1 Banana Fairtrade, sliced diagonally chocolate in the microwave, using short Place the honey and lime in the Dried ribbon cut coconut (optional) bursts, checking and stirring regularly. saucepan, 5 minutes before the souf- ½ Juiced Lime Whisk the egg yolk to firm peak (bit flé is cooked, warming into a dress- 1 tsp Traidcraft Wild Blossom Fair stronger than soft), then whisk the yolk ing, and drizzle over the fruit sal- Trade Honey and the sugar together. Drizzle the ad. Take the soufflé from the oven, Oil melted chocolate into the yolk mixture. place on plate, serve immediately. 30g Tesco Finest Fairtrade Organic Add the whites bit by bit into the yolk 70% Plain Chocolate and chocolate mixture; then fold the Enjoy with a partner or a friend.

Runner-up Nicholas Greenwood’s Fairtrade Coconut Runner-up Stephanie Lim takes on a Maple Banana Cornflake Cakes Loaf

Makes approx. 6 large Ingredients 2 Eggs Ingredients 1 Egg Yolk 100g cornflakes 7 tbsp Unsalted Butter, 5tbsp Fairtrade honey melted 60g unsalted butter 1 tsp Vanilla 60g Fairtrade icing sugar 1 2/3 c Flour 70g desiccated coconut 3/4 c Fairtrade Sugar 25g Fairtrade milk 1/2 tsp Baking Soda chocolate 1/4 tsp Baking Powder 25g Fairtrade white 2 tbsp maple syrup chocolate ½ tsp cinnamon 25g Fairtrade dark ¼ tsp nutmeg together until well mixed gether until well incorporat- chocolate 2 ripe bananas with a fork or potato mash- ed and there is none of the 15g butter Pinch of Salt er. Set aside. In another dry mixture left. Pour into medium size bowl add the the prepared pans and for Method Method flour, sugar, baking soda, one large loaf, bake for 50- 1. Melt the unsalted butter Pre-heat your oven to baking powder, and salt. 60 minutes until toothpick 2. Mix in honey 350°F and prepare your Whisk together to mix. inserted into center comes 3. Sieve icing sugar into loaf pan(s) by coating with Pour the banana mixture out clean. Cool on a wire mixture cupcake cases topping butter. Set aside. In a me- over the flour mixture, and rack in the pans. Store 4. Add cornflakes and mix 7. Melt chocolates sepa- 9. Dust with a little coconut dium bowl add the banan- add the nuts to the mix- in air-tight containers in 5. Add Desiccated coconut rately with 5g butter each 10. Place in fridge for 1 as, eggs, egg yolk, melted tures. With a large spatula slices or chunks (or whole 6. Separate mixture into 8. Add chocolate as a hour to set butter, and vanilla. Mash fold all the ingredients to- loaves) in the refrigerator. The runners-up each win free entry to a Fairtrade event of their choice. Many thanks must go to the ICU Fairtrade Society and especially to Olivia Tillbert for co-organising and sponsoring the Awards. 34 Friday 09 MARCH 2012 FELIX Food Editors: A n a s t a s i a E l e f t h e r i o u Michael Krestas FOOD [email protected] Make your own nuggets by Anastasia Eleftheriou It’s all about Me Me Stephen Gallagher pays a visit to the Vietnamese restaurant

passed Me Me almost every day in my second and third years of College, but only ate there once. I returned again last night to satisfy the crav- ing I’ve been having for Vietnamese food.I From the outside it looks pretty stan- dard. Menu in the window, bright sign and a bright welcoming look to it. Go inside and the guy will be sitting there playing Warcraft on his laptop, oh the authenticity. He does greet us, before he lets his female counterpart show us to our table. The front of the restaurant looks quite cramped, but towards the back it widens out, and there are Better and healthier than KFC! some bigger tables. The menu is very inter- Words cannot describe how hungry I am esting, and has a wide selection of Vietnam- We all love nuggets; it’s the fi rst choice, possibly ese food, and the westernised classics. They after burgers, that we usually choose to eat at a have written all the names of the authentic mer; which with summer fast approaching, I still want to drink it. It also came with a lit- fast-food restaurant. Despite the addictive taste dishes in green, which immediately attracts am filled with excitement for London in the tle plate of vegetables, mostly bean sprouts, of the fast-food nuggets, they are really bad for our me to them. They all have a good English summer time. again mixed with some very fresh herbs, and health; and it’s not only about fat and frying. We description, so you know what you’re in for. The mains came in little metal pots with a taste of lime. I wasn’t sure they belonged cannot be sure of the quality of the chicken used As for drinks, don’t expect any high quality lids, which I thought was a nice touch. I like together, but eaten separately they were a for their production, basically because we cannot wines or beer, but the jasmine tea went down taking a lid off food, it’s like unwrapping a good contrast; maybe that’s the intention. even recognize whether it is chicken at all. They a treat. present. We ordered Pork Kho, which had Overall I found Me Me to be very satisfy- could have used literally any cheap material that We got summer rolls for starters. I know a pungent smell (in a good way.) The meat ing – they had very authentic food without tastes good. what you’re thinking, are they just the same was very tender, and fell apart easily. This, trying to be one of those fashionable ‘real For those who enjoy eating nuggets very often greasy deep fried things you get in a Chi- for someone who isn’t an expert with chop- thing’ restaurants that can charge ten times and are concerned about health problems or they nese restaurant, just with a different season. sticks, was appreciated. The taste was im- the price because some food critic says so. want to keep fi t, I will explain in simple words how Oh how wrong you are. A summer roll lives pressive. It wasn’t due to a great combination Stick to the green highlighted food on the I used to make delicious nuggets at home that are up to its name. They have prawns, the fresh- of flavors; it was the one powerful flavor menu and you are sure for a good experience. low in calories. est herbs (mint and coriander mainly), add that made this dish. I later learned that the Firstly, you need to preheat the oven to 200 de- some rice vermicelli noodles all wrapped sauce is made from fermented soybeans. Me Me grees and put a non-stick baking sheet to a pan up in rice paper. Then dip it in a slightly The smell somewhat reminds me of a brew- www.memerestaurant.co.uk and grease it with butter. Take 2 chicken fi llets and spicy peanut sauce, and take a bite of sum- ery, not the most pleasing to the nose, but I 565 Fulham Road, SW6 1ES pound evenly until they are about half their original thickness. Cut up the fi llets in pieces and season with salt and pepper. Then you need 3 bowls. In the fi rst one put half cup of fl our, in the second one 2 eggs (yes, you do need to whisk them before) and in the fi nal one a cup of breadcrumbs, some parmesan and orega- Going vegan: third week’s the charm no. After that you just put each piece of chicken in the bowls in order (fl our – eggs – breadcrumbs) www.examiner.com and you place them in the pan. For extra taste, Clare Cheng cereal. spread some olive oil on top of the nuggets. Hannah Cox If you have a sweet tooth then perhaps al- They need approximately 30 minutes in the mond milk would be for you. Despite its wa- oven, but don’t forget to turn them after the fi rst Milk was such an important part of our diets tery-ness, it is sweet and nutty. It’s very nice 15 minutes in order to get a brown colour on both before veganism and we’ve been finding it with tea even though it doesn’t mix very well. sides. To make it a healthy supper serve it with hard coping without it in our cereal and tea. With cereal however it’s not so good. salad, or for a complete meal serve it with chips So we thought this week that we’d investigate I’m sure for some out there oat milk is nice, and ketchup or mayonnaise. four different alternatives to cow’s milk to see but I have to admit we really didn’t like it. It’s which one we liked the best. fair to say on its own it was quite interest- The four milks we chose were classic un- ing and oaty. However with cereal and milk sweetened soya milk, almond milk, rice milk it was disgusting because it had too much of and oat milk. We investigated each milk on its its own flavour, making it a sour accompani- own and then with tea and shredded wheat. ment. It was as wrong as mixing orange juice It’s fair to say that soya milk was the closest Here’s your ‘worrying-looking cow’ fi x of with tea or cereal. alternative to cow’s milk – perhaps there is a the week, enjoy! So for now we’re going to stick with our reason why it’s already the most popular alter- good old soya milk. If anything, Jordans native. In tea we couldn’t taste the difference Country Crisp with Chunky Nuts tastes bet- compared to cow’s milk, but then again we shouldn’t be considered as alternatives to ter with sweetened Alpro Soy soya milk. So have been drinking soya milk for two weeks cow’s milk, for example in the way that co- in conclusion if you’re looking for an alter- already and are enjoying it. It also goes well conut milk isn’t considered an alternative. In native to milk, whether you’re vegan or just with cereal, being very close to skimmed milk. its own right, rice milk was really nice. It was health conscious, soya milk is the one for No fowl play here In our opinion we felt that the other milks kind of creamy and mixed well with tea and you.

So what you need to do now is try the recipe and give me feedback! I’m sure you’ll love it! This is all for the MS Trust! Please sponsor Hannah and Clare at uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/goingvegan HangmanFELIX Friday 09 march 2012 Erection Special!35 NOW 100% TYPO FREE! Hangman Stands as most obvious choice for all Sabbatical positions. Turns a “new leaf” after incident with national paper President Vice President (felix)

Vote Change. Vote Hangman for President. I’m not sure As Hangman, I’ve been part of Felix for four years. That how I’m going to change anything, but I sure am enthusias- hands down gives me the most experience over any other tic. If elected I probably won’t drop out, and if that happens candidate. If elected, and I will be elected (or else), I prom- I really really really want to make everything at the Union ise that I’ll redesign the paper. By redesign, I mean get rid way better than it currently is. I’m talking about a whole new of. No more paper, instead Felix will give every student an website with a working search function. How about having iPad 3 with the issue automatically being pushed out ev- Metric open during the day? I even want to try to get more ery Friday. In fact everything will be automatic. I’m talking students involved. Not sure with what exactly, but I’m sure automatic layouts, automatic spelling correction, automatic there’s something for them to do. What I’m really looking content generation and even automatic dictation. On top of forward to is all the super long meetings with various Col- that I’m going to get rid of all adverts. No one likes adverts. lege committees. I personally fi nd them super fun. Actually Maybe I’ll even quadruple the Hangman pages (I’ll make fuck this, the above is all bollocks. Surely you should know my mind up later). On top of all that, every Wednesday will Hangman better than that? I know College and the Union be free Felix party night in the Felix offi ce. It’s guaranteed inside out, and I’m going to wreck this place up. Vote for to be better and more intimate than Metric. Drugs not pro- me and Save Imperial! hangman hangman vided but suggested – for the sheer scandal, obviously.

Vice President (Education) Vice President (Welfare)

My name is Hangman, and if there is one thing I will do for you My extensive expertise in the realm of welfare has been it’ll be getting you a 1st for your degree. If elected I will lobby documented publicly over the years. Known as a fi gure- college continually to make all degrees equal. That way ev- head amongst senior College offi cials for pioneering the eryone can stop being boring and sleeping in the library all Hangman Wellbeing Survey, I, Hangman, care about all the time. However I’m not just a one trick pony, I’d also like peoples. There have been accusations in the past that I to unextend the college day, with the aim of eradicating all discriminate against race/gender/sexuality/age/species pre-12pm lectures. I never made it to those anyway. In fact (delete as appropriate), however my strong pastoral back- axe humanities completely and there may be room for lunch. ground has taught me to discriminate equally. If elected, I I also want to make sure everyone does the NSS. I’ll achieve promise to try my hardest to do absolutely nothing, much this by creating a policy stating you will not qualify for you like those in the role before me, and let me tell you – doing degree (which will be a 1st) unless it is completed. To speed nothing IS doing something! I, like the current welfare sab- up the process some departments have begun collecting batical, am more than happy to play with condoms, cry to student details and falsifying the survey (Conputing). This chick fl icks and annoy the fuck out of everybody. So vote should be College wide. Lastly I’ll bring back the feedback for stagnation, vote for pointless expenses and vote for re- policy, for it to never be completed as usual. hangman hangman dundancy. Hangman, never there for you.

Vice President (Clubs & Societies) Vice President (Finance & Services)

Hi I’m Hangman. Unfortunately I don’t conform to the recent Money, I’m all about the Money! Hangman is rolling in dol- winning trend of being a female candidate for DPCS, howev- lar. So much so, If I’m elected I’ll fl oat Imperial College er just like every other successful candidate I do have great Union on the FTSE 100. More so, I’m going to change the administration skills. I can use Outlook, Word, PowerPoint currency to $ICU just because I can. I’ll reduce costs by and can operate a telephone. This makes me more than eliminating all permanent staff and with the money saved suitably qualifi ed to frustrate Clubs & Societies by being we can have an open bar... all year round! Not just the rude, ignoring their pleas for help and generating false in- Summer Ball! Speaking of balls, I’m single handedly go- formation which obviously highlights the inadequacy of this ing to balance the gender ratio by consolidating Goldsmith role. I promise to merge all Clubs & Societies against their Students’ Union into one simple easy-to-manage organisa- will into just one Club and one Society. Furthermore I will tion. Who said debt consolidation was limited to the extrav- again cut Club & Society funding so that we can increase agant? With a background of being the treasurer of both the money available for me to go on holiday and do sod all. the Gender Equality Society and Tamil Society; I hands There’s nothing new here, we all know that four permanent downs have the experience needed to do a job a profes- staff members already do this role. So if I’m going to be the sional with several legitimate qualifi cations should be hired usual waste of air, I may as well do it at your expense. hangman hangman to do and manage. 36 Friday 09 MARCH 2012 FELIX Puzzles Admiral: James Hook

PUZZLES [email protected]

FUCWIT Nonogram – Creature Feature League Leader Board The Felix University/College- Wide Invitational Tournament League is both new and ALL BETS ARE OFF improved, with prizes for both the winning team and the win- ning individual. We’re removing the lead- Points are awarded for each erboard for one week only puzzle solved, double if you’re the fi rst correct solution. 7 9 in order to ramp up the 1 2 2 2 3 10 1 6 8 11 1 4 5 4 3 sheer excitement of the The competition is hotting up, each wave of solutions more competition to unprec- climactic than the last. Can 1 1 edented levels. Could you you really afford to miss out? be in the lead? There’s 4 only one way to fi nd out... Send your solutions to puzzles. 5 get puzzling! [email protected]!

5

8

7 8 A Class Partnership. 9 We’ve got together with Apple to oer you a special 2 6 discount of up to 15% on Mac hardware 2 5

2 2 We’ve got together with Apple to oer you a special discount of up to 2 2 15% on Mac hardware and software, available through the Apple on Campus Online Store. 1 1 Mac is perfect for student life

1 1 With the Mac, everything you need to share your ideas in new and creative ways is included. You can even run Windows. Get your discount 2 2 on a Mac – and a wide range of heavily discounted software and accessories – at the Apple on Campus online store.

Simply make sure you are on the University network, then visit the An old favourite returns, as ever: the Nonogram! The cells in a grid have to be coloured or left blank according to numbers at Apple on Campus Online Store. You can also order over the phone and the side of the grid. The numbers measure how many unbroken lines of filled-in squares there are in any given row or column. ask all your questions by calling a Mac expert on 0800 072 1154 The overall solution should yield some sort of picture, or as good as a picture can look in monochrome on a 15x15 grid. As usual, answers to [email protected]. www.apple.com/uk/go/save

Wordoku Cryptic Crosswords? Enron Maze No Thanks! Oh no! Andy Fastow, Sudoku with words, it’s Z U S the Chief Financial Having trouble with the Felix cryp- that simple. Every row, Officer of Enron, tic crosswords in the sports sec- column and 3x3 box must R M has been accused of tion? No idea what it all means contain the letters in the PRISON playing the market or would like to know why some grid once and once only. Y G in the company’s fa- answers are as they are? Contact Along one of the rows or Y vour! Help him navi- [email protected] columns, a chemically rel- gate the maze of his with the subject line “Cryptic evant word or phrase will I R M fraudulent behaviour Help”. You’ll be sent an introduc- appear. Nine-letter words and emerge into a six tion to how cryptic crosswords are hard to fi nd, you know. I year prison sentence! work and what to look out for. Send your solutions over U T R Points are on offer for Each week you’ll also receive to puzzles.felix@impe- those speedy enough complete explanations to the an- rial.ac.uk. Don’t forget, G Y Z to work their way swers in the previous week’s Fe- if you have any ideas for through this terrible lix cryptic crossword. new puzzles, let us know! situation. FELIX Friday 09 march 2012 37 Sport Editor: I n d y L e c l e r c q [email protected] SPORT WA K EImper ial g rab Fencing: Women’s 2nd team two podium fi nishes defend 3rd place vs Brunel

...Continued from Back Page team … on water)! Despite a strong per- Gema Wright Ballester intermediate won a wakeboard, whereas formance, Antoine still didn’t quite cut Fencing 1st place men’s advanced was rewarded the mustard (again). After missing out with… a onepiece jumpsuit? on the onepiece jumpsuit, he may never Women’s 2nd 112 Despite the horrendous fashion prize know what it feels like to walk around Brunel 1st 101 up for grabs in the men’s advanced, An- looking like the purple Teletubby. toine Desmet was ready and fuelled on BUCS beckons in June.... caffeine and sugar when he took to the WAKEimperial, IC’s Wakeboarding On Wednesday, the Women’s 2nd Fenc- Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the best fencer of them all? water for the fi nal event of the day. Quite club runs sessions every Wednesday af- ing Team successfully defended their a remarkable change was observed in ternoons for all levels and abilities. Taster current 3rd place ranking in the BUCS the number of photographers and crowd sessions are offered to non-members for league match away against Brunel. The start in sabre, in which Slavi Georgieva, Ballester (Gemma) of Imperial fought anticipation from the previous category £13. This includes transport to a local two hour journey (thanks to many “mi- Helen Pennington and Jing Quek (Jin- valiantly, and settled for a respectable (women’s advanced), and the men didn’t wakeboarding club, 4 hours of cable nor” delays) westbound along the Pic- gles) striked in a comfortable and confi - 25-45 score. disappoint. Whereas last year’s advanced Wakeboarding, with equipment and wet- cadilly line was thankfully made much dent 45-27 win. Knowing they were only trailing by category was dominated by “blind” suit provided. Boat wakeboarding is also more entertaining by the trusty tube Brunel responded (although with the two points, the epee team of Rebecca tricks, this year’s stars went above and available. driver, who provided an amusing and help of some questionable refereeing) Razey (Becky), Helen Pennington and beyond with almost physics-defying See http://www.WAKEimperial. thorough guided tour of the local land- boldly, starting to up their game dur- Slavi Georgieva fought ruthlessly to end “switch” tricks and even a double S- co.uk or wakeboarding@imperial. marks at each station. ing foil, but Sarah Chakera, Stephanie the match on a high note, 42-29, produc- Bend (think China’s Olympic gymnastic ac.uk The match itself began with a good Martinez (Steph) and Gema Wright ing a fi nal score of 112-101 to Imperial.

Imperial 8-ball pool team : A very successful BUCS

Shyam Pankhania The 2nd round of qualifying began 8-ball Pool with an emphatic 3-0 win for Stan- ley, but Captain Carlos who received On Thursday 23 February Imperial a bye into qualifying round 2 failed to College’s 8-ball Pool 1st team con- get out of fi rst gear and his opponent sisting of Elwin Carlos, Max Chalm- won 3-1. Max Chalmers match went ers, Stanley Cheng, Andy Leung and to a decider in which he potted six reds Shyam Pankhania boarded the 9.30am after the break and had the chance to train from London Euston to the pretty serve a Dish on his opponent (potting ghost town that is Great Yarmouth, off the break and clearing up). How- Norwich. Our base for the duration of ever an error from “Magic Max” cost the tournament was the bustling Vaux- him and his opponent Garry Rayment hall Holiday Park where all the univer- Jr went on to pinch the match. In the sity teams resided (the ones that didn’t fi nal match of the day Shyam Pankha- end up on the streets that is!). After nia went 2-0 behind to Geraint Evans registering and catching a glimpse of of Durham 2nd’s, but the determined the 36 pristine Supreme Pool tables “Shamful” was just about to dish up a the anticipation kicked in and we were handful. With the teams support and ready to get the ball rolling. some gritty tactical pool Shyam lev- The qualifying matches for the indi- elled the match at 2-2. Shyam grabbed vidual championships were played on his chance in the fi nal frame to com- Day 1 and were fi rst to three frames. plete an outstanding comeback to book Stanley Cheng our resident 9 ball his place in the last 128. Well, there are more than eight balls in this picture... [sorry – Sport Ed.] player started well against Mike Kay The individual tournament resumed of Aston and secured the match with on Day 3 with the matches extended “Stan it in specials” and an audacious to fi rst to four with Stanley Cheng were in the Shield alongside three spirits that evening the team embarked in the past, but this was a low! Joking- double on the winning black. The only and Shyam Pankhania looking to gain other fi rst teams and one second team. on an arduous forty minute walk to ly he suggested “What next?” Impe- thing Stanley didn’t do in a hurry was a place in the last 64. Stanley shared The format was that each player in a Planet Poppadum and sampled the de- rial won the tie 6-3 with Andy Leung return the white ball to the director af- the opening two frames with James team would play single frame matches lightful Indian cuisine that Great Yar- playing “Leung pots” to win both his ter the victory! “Take it to the Max” Paul of Manchester 2nd’s, however against two players in the opposing mouth had to offer. rubbers. Regrettably results didn’t go Chalmers was next up and edged into Stanley went on to suffer a 4-2 de- team, with the winning team being the On Day 3, Imperial drew 5-5 against our way and although we beat Medway a 2-1 lead and eventually sealed the feat. All hopes now rested with Shyam fi rst team to secure 6 frames. After a the group leaders Aston with El-Win 2nd’s 6-3 Imperial fi nished the group match by continuing Imperial’s grow- “Shamful” Pankhania. Unfortunately 5-5 draw against UEA 1st’s, Imperial Carlos fi nally waking up and comfort- in 4th with two wins, two draws and ing tradition of doubling the black in. Ifan Williams of Cardiff controlled the took on a Sheffi eld team with Mid- ably winning both his frames and Stan- one loss. Unfortunately Andy Leung couldn’t opening exchanges and after Shyam lands Snooker Cup fi nalist Abhishek ley continuing his tremendous form. We thank the tournament organis- pull through his match losing 3-0 to potted several outstanding yellows, he Raj. El-Win Carlos ended his losing Imperial 1st’s then comfortably beat a ers, the players and all those involved Stephen Brooks from Warwick 1st’s. went on to knock in his opponents yel- start by edging a scrappy win over Ri- drunken Nottingham Trent 1st’s, how- with BUCS Pool 2012 for making it Finally at 6.00pm Shyam Pankhania low after potting a diffi cult long black; shi Aggarwal however this was only ever this was after Elwin lost against an incredible tournament. Next year was able to get his tournament off to therefore going 1-0 behind. Ifan Wil- after missing a cuttable black to lose his drunk opponent Jason Dalton who we return as contenders and hope- a fl ying start by clinically disposing liams was too good on the day and ran against Abhishek Raj. Imperial ended attempted to chat up the referee be- fully we will be as “safe as caravans”. of his opponent Paddy Brown from out with a 4-0 victory to end Imperial’s Day 2 with one draw and one loss and tween frames and insisted on taking a Best of luck to the Imperial Snooker Sheffi eld 3-0, to which Max Chalmers run in the individuals. to reach the last 8 we needed to win sip of his pint between every shot. El- Team who are defending Champions commented “He’s having a stormer!” In the team tournament Imperial our remaining matches. To raise the Win had suffered embarrassing defeats at BUCS! 38 Friday 09 march 2012 FELIX Sport Editor: I n d y L e c l e r c q SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League Hockey Men’s 3rd pull off upset versus ...where do you stand? Queen Mary 1sts

Team P W D L F A Diff Index Keshava Murthy Chances were few and far between, with nei- This set back didn’t deter IC for too long, and 1 Fencing W1 9 9 0 0 1152 741 36 5.00 Hockey ther keeper making a save, with the 0-0 half they straight away found themselves in front. time score refl ecting that. A great ball from Designer V found Dirty 2 Rugby W1 2 2 0 0 77 0 -20 5.00 Men’s 3rd 3 3 Tennis M1 4 4 0 0 38 10 -232 5.00 At half time, the message was clear – attack Whaler in space, before he arrogantly roofed 4 Tennis W1 5 5 0 0 56 4 -18 5.00 Queen Mary 1sts 0 down the wings. IC had noted the frailties in the ball into the top of the net, 1-0, and it was 5 Ultimate Frisbee 1st 3 3 0 0 45 9 -20 5.00 the Queen Mary full backs and decided to fo- just about what IC deserved. 6 Hockey W1 10 9 1 0 39 3 5 4.70 cus on exploiting this. The QM midfi elders were starting to get 7 Rugby M1 10 9 0 1 242 149 -103 4.10 On a cold Monday night, the Imperial College IC began the second half well, with the more and more frustrated, and one of them 8 Fencing M1 9 8 0 1 1075 847 28 4.00 Hockey Club’s Men’s 3rd XI stunned a team wing wizards (Pappity-boopity, Cockerel fi nally hit tipping point and was sent off for 9 Badminton M1 9 7 1 1 59 13 0 3.67 two leagues above them with a thumping 3-0 and Fresher Ed) all tormenting the Queen swearing at the ref. IC sensed an opportu- 10 ICSM Hockey W2 6 5 0 1 29 5 -2 3.50 victory to progress to the ULU Cup semi- Mary’s full backs, but the goal just would nity and pounced. Free Willy and Pappity 11 Table Tennis W1 5 4 0 1 19 6 -124 3.20 fi nals. Losing a lot of players to work com- not come. The pressure, however, did its job. combined down the left to send Designer V 12 Badminton W1 10 5 4 1 49 36 0 2.90 mitments left the 3rd XI with just 10 players. Queen Mary’s were on the back foot, which through on goal to double the advantage and 13 Fencing W2 8 6 0 2 699 647 93 2.75 To make up the numbers, Dirty Whaler and allowed for both Fresher Tom and Designer put IC in the ascendency. 14 ICSM Badminton W1 4 3 0 1 18 14 0 2.75 Udara stepped up to make the numbers. V to boss the midfi eld. Fresher Tom’s fl at The third goal came from a breakaway 15 Netball W1 8 5 0 1 334 252 -9 2.63 Following a great series of results (10-1, passes out wide routinely stumped the Queen down the right. QM packed into the IC D, but 16 Squash W1 5 3 1 1 11 9 -12 2.60 2-0, 3-0), the 3rd XI were full of confi dence Mary’s midfi eld, while Designer V exploited a quick break from Bum Tablet saw him into 17 Tennis M2 6 3 2 1 40 32 -64 2.50 and raring to go. Stand-in captain Fritzl gave a the spaces that were opening up. To consoli- the opposition 25, where he squared for Tha- 18 Lacrosse W1 7 5 0 2 101 37 -3 2.43 rousing team talk reminding us that to win, we date this dominance, Eager Beaver and Fritzl run. Tharun’s pass (which some would call a 19 Hockey M2 9 5 2 2 27 22 2 2.33 just needed to play simple hockey. picked up any scraps offered to the QM for- mis-hit) looped straight to Designer to slot in 20 Basketball M1 10 7 0 3 662 583 0 2.30 The fi rst half was a timid affair, with neither wards. his second, and IC’s 3rd. 21 Fencing M2 9 6 0 3 1078 908 52 2.00 team dominating the game. IC were fi nding it The breakthrough almost came within the A huge win over a team two leagues above 22 ICSM Hockey W1 4 2 1 1 23 9 -12 2.00 hard to break down the Queen Mary’s mid- fi rst 10 minutes of the half, when Dirty Whal- them (and the league above the Men’s 2nds) 23 Football M3 8 5 0 3 15 15 24 1.63 fi eld, while the opposition failed to fi nd their er broke through the QM defence and played sees the 3rds go second in Big Guns and po- 24 Lacrosse M1 5 4 0 3 71 36 -9 1.60 way through the organised defence of Free a neat 1-2 with Tharun, before squaring for tentially look to set up a fi nal against the Med- 25 Football M1 9 4 2 3 15 14 228 1.33 Willy, Eager Beaver, Fritzl and Bum Tablet. Fresher Ed, who contrived to miss the ball. ics 2nd XI. 26 ICSM Badminton M2 4 1 2 1 15 17 14 1.25 27 ICSM Football M2 7 4 0 3 15 12 -2 1.14 28 Basketball W1 9 5 0 4 505 404 77 1.00 29 Football M2 8 3 2 3 20 22 46 0.88 30 Badminton M2 8 4 0 4 22 34 0 0.50 31 ICSM Football M1 2 1 0 1 4 6 1 0.50 32 ICSM Netball W1 2 1 0 1 82 72 2 0.50 33 ICSM Netball W2 2 1 0 1 52 50 -3 0.50 34 ICSM Netball W4 2 1 0 1 47 50 -40 0.50 35 ICSM Rugby M3 4 2 0 2 88 90 28 0.50 36 Rugby M2 10 5 0 5 92 132 -6 0.50 37 Squash M3 6 3 0 3 10 19 -77 0.50 38 Table Tennis M2 6 3 0 3 53 49 -37 0.50 "I'd already done an internship here so 39 Hockey W2 8 3 1 4 10 32 79 0.13 I knew it was a great place to work. I've 40 Netball W3 9 4 0 5 185 157 -52 0.00 41 Futsal M1 7 3 0 4 31 40 13 -0.14 been able to jump right into running really 42 Golf Mixed 1st 6 1 1 2 7 10 4 -0.17 big projects in a way I never expected. 43 Table Tennis M1 5 2 0 3 38 47 -12 -0.40 44 Futsal W1 3 1 0 2 2 11 52 -1.00 I also like that there's a hammock in the 45 ICSM Badminton M1 3 1 0 2 10 14 170 -1.00 office. It makes me feel like a pirate." 46 ICSM Rugby M1 3 1 0 2 52 104 4 -1.00 47 ICSM Rugby M2 3 1 0 2 32 135 -22 -1.00 Ben Emmett Red Gate Graduate 48 Lacrosse W2 3 1 0 2 15 21 -9 -1.00 49 Football W1 7 2 0 5 4 43 13 -1.43 50 Rugby M3 10 2 0 8 100 120 -39 -2.20 51 Squash M1 5 1 0 4 3 22 -19 -2.20 52 ICSM Netball W5 4 0 1 3 25 185 -9 -2.50 53 Netball W2 6 1 0 5 123 200 -4 -2.50 Join the fun at Red Gate, with graduate jobs 54 Squash M2 6 1 0 5 11 18 -160 -2.50 for software and test engineers, marketing 55 Squash M4 6 1 0 5 3 15 -7 -2.50 specialists and many more. 56 Hockey M3 7 1 0 6 8 20 8 -2.71 57 Hockey M1 10 1 0 9 9 46 82 -3.10 @redgatecareers 58 Basketball M2 3 0 0 3 142 266 411 -4.00 www.red-gate.com/careers 59 Fencing M3 5 0 0 5 424 656 36 -4.00 60 Hockey M4 9 0 0 9 3 67 64 -4.00 61 ICSM Basketball M1 1 0 0 1 46 64 35 -4.00 62 ICSM Hockey M1 3 0 0 3 6 26 3 -4.00 63 ICSM Hockey M2 3 0 0 3 3 19 101 -4.00 64 ICSM Hockey M3 1 0 0 1 0 3 -2 -4.00 5 points for a win | 2 points for a draw | -4 points for a loss Web: www3.imperial.ac.uk/sports Facebook: Search ‘Sport Imperial’ Twitter: @SportImperial FELIX Friday 09 march 2012 39 SPORT Cryptic Crossword 1,514

Kendo club recieve visit 1 2 3 4 5 5 6 7 8

9 from Hitotsubashi 10 10

11 12 12 13 15

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1. Eastern toads mixed up in Rolls-Royce, 1. Before tea, President Jim to go back on a car (8) his word? (7) 5. Note one’s food intake involving fi nan- 2. Boat found in angular kale (3) cial matters (6) 3. Cutting flower for greater flow of air (10) 10. Plan for possibility of money launder? 4. Former painting put up outside (5) (4,4,7) 6. Really want to sell idea, lacking leader (4) 11. Morning person with low voice to like 7. Vegetable, perhaps? (5,6) interminable diplomat (10) 8. Toilet strangely reliant (7) Going at it with a Ken-do attitude 13. Tea on seat with back removed (4) 9. Gets upset about everything and nothing, 15. Neutered, lacking energy at sea guar- measuring food with these (8) anteed job (7) 12. Place for judge can be fiery substitute Chris Kelley nate the opponent & psyche up your- clared the winner. After the fi rst seven 17. Elemental form is nothing. Best begin- (5,6) Kendo self) to your opponent. Well, nothing matches we were in the lead, though ner ever! (7) 14. Countryman domain hit lightly before except for a few rounds of drinks after- the students from Japan quickly turned 18. Complain about weather in country (7) outbreak of violence (10) On Wednesday morning last week wards. However, this was only a small things around in the later rounds. Both 19. Thus papa managed love for singer (7) 16. Absurd loan deed a virtual certainty (4,4) 20 Japanese students from Hitotsub- glimpse of fi ne Kendo. The main event sides fought valiantly till the end with 21. Clean without using water (4) 18. Ghost to prevent woman from entering ashi University Kendo Club in Tokyo, was still to come. the fi nal match lasting well over 10min- 22. Commercial wordings lead to psycho- initially (7) alongside their teacher: Chida-Senpai, That following Saturday the students utes with neither side showing any sign logical dependencies (10) 20. Disgusting blood types picture (7) were greeted by members of the Impe- from Tokyo were greeted by a much of defeat. 25. Communist representative thoroughly 23. Country surrounded by rising assistance rial College Kendo club at Ethos Sports larger crowd with members from do- The day was rounded off with an hour searched milkman (6,3,6) (5) Centre. jos around and outside London making of sparring and a great social meal in 27. ‘Annah’s pretentious talk straying from 24. Harness concerning what’s fashionable With the formal greetings from both a total of 60 “kendōka” (person who Eastside Bar with our new friends from the point (6) (4) universities swiftly over, the Hitotsub- practises kendo) on the day. The day the East. After waving our fi nal good- 28. Batted as abnormal description of 26. Greek island hidden from Greek Oscars ashi students were eager to know what began with a performance by Chida- byes we quickly wrote plans in our dia- something inappropriate (3,5) (3) our club was made of. Later that night, Senpai himself and one of his students. ries to hopefully meet again, though this through a spirited session of “Degeiko” The demonstration was of an ancient time it will be on their side of the world. (training at a different dojo to your own) form of “kata” (the essence of Japa- nese swordsmanship linking modern- day kendo to the teachings of the many early kenjutsu schools) passed down through generations of pupils from the Nothing says jikishinkage-ryū school of combative swordsmanship founded in the mid- ‘welcome’ more than 16th century. Each stage of the per- formance symbolises each of the four running through seasons, ranging from explosive and intense movements to represent Sum- training drills... mer, to the more slow, reserved pace of Winter. This was followed by the moment “ we had all been waiting for. When we strapped on our “bogu” (armour) and in the Union gym, we put our guests to fought in a friendly individuals compe- the test. Nothing says welcome more tition versus the Hitotsubashi students. than running through training drills, The traditional rules being the fi rst sparring and demonstrating your “Kiai” player to score two clean hits on the (war cry used to both” intimidate/domi- other within a two minute match is de- From the land of the rising sun to the land of the permanent cloud SPORTISSUE 1514 09.03.12

IC Wakeboarding Flying high WAKEImperial, IC’s Wakeboard society, take on their fi rst competition of the year – and get some serious air in the process

Clare Desmet reports

aturday the 3rd of March high, as one member voiced his displea- one of the event’s sponsors. Meanwhile, warded over riders with a more cautious that he wasn’t letting his injured collar marked the fi rst Imperial Col- sure with “I hope you die in a car crash”- Tom Jones and Jake Gillespie set out to approach. It took the eventual winner a bone or absence of training for the last lege Wakeboard competition type sentiments. show last year’s winner and team mem- 360 spin on the fun-box to snatch the two months hold him back. Whilst Gary of the year. Held at Princes Once out on the water, the sun came ber Gary Willis, that they too could catch fi rst-place victory from Danielle’s hands. showed his ever-present calm under pres- Waterski club, west of Lon- out and the general good will prevailed. the judges’ eyes. Jake a.k.a. “Guy in the A minor disappointment once you con- sure through textbook sliders and switch Sdon, the Imperial Wakeboarders decided First up was the men’s beginner category. Hawaiian shorts” came through after two sidered the awesome (?) synthetic wallet skills, it was the fl amboyant Tim that to show their unity and team strength by Unfortunately the warm-up session had group heats, to earn a place in the 5-man awarded for second place (right, Dani- made it through to the fi nal four. Fellow arriving en masse in a union minibus. claimed its fi rst victim as Oli pulled out fi nal, but was unfortunately outshined by elle?). As Oli pointed out, at least there wakeboarder Antoine described Tim’s Unfortunately certain members of the due to illness and injury. Being the true more consistent riders. were the free cans of energy drink to run in the fi nals as “simply fl awless” club hindered this impressive arrival by student representative of Imperial, he Club president Danielle Barnes was award yourself as you deemed fi t. and it wasn’t long before he was grin- valuing either sleep or sightseeing (read then strategically set about earning back “in it to win it” in the women’s inter- Straight out of the starting dock, and ning on top of the podium. And why not, – getting lost) above the targeted 11am his competition entrance fee in cans of mediate group, showing that style and a into a check-me-out style Raley ( super- considering that Tim, 1st place men’s arrival. Team morale was not particularly energy drink – which were offered by certain degree of risk taking can be re- man trick ), Tim Thio showed everyone ...Continued on Page 44 SCIENCE BUSINESS FILM BOOKS FOOD

Biological Plane talking about Easter treats to get Alternate history is Fairtrade Awards Superglue discovery the Thames excited for centre stage winners announced Page 8 Page 12 Page 24 Page 30 Page 32