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Applying Psychology to Everyday Life Applying Psychology to Everyday Life A Beginner’s Guide Kenneth T. Strongman University of Canterbury, Christchurch, New Zealand Copyright © 2006 John Wiley & Sons Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex PO19 8SQ, England Telephone (+44) 1243 779777 Email (for orders and customer service enquiries): [email protected] Visit our Home Page on www.wiley.com All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London W1T 4LP, UK, without the permission in writing of the Publisher. 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Other Wiley Editorial Offi ces John Wiley & Sons Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, USA Jossey-Bass, 989 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94103-1741, USA Wiley-VCH Verlag GmbH, Boschstr. 12, D-69469 Weinheim, Germany John Wiley & Sons Australia Ltd, 42 McDougall Street, Milton, Queensland 4064, Australia John Wiley & Sons (Asia) Pte Ltd, 2 Clementi Loop #02-01, Jin Xing Distripark, Singapore 129809 John Wiley & Sons Canada Ltd, 22 Worcester Road, Etobicoke, Ontario, Canada M9W 1L1 Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Strongman, K.T. Applying psychology to everyday life : a beginner’s guide / K.T. Strongman. p. cm. Includes index. ISBN-13: 978-0-470-86988-8 ISBN-10: 0-470-86988-7 1. Psychology, Applied. I. Title. BF636.S767 2006 158–dc22 2005026871 British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN-13 978-0-470-86988-8 (hbk) 978-0-470-86989-5 (pbk) ISBN-10 0-470-86988-7 (hbk) 0-470-86989-5 (pbk) Typeset in 10/13pt Scala and Scala Sans by SNP Best-set Typesetter Ltd., Hong Kong Printed and bound in Great Britain by Antony Rowe Ltd, Chippenham, Wiltshire This book is printed on acid-free paper responsibly manufactured from sustainable forestry in which at least two trees are planted for each one used for paper production. To Averil, again, and to Thomas, my grandson Contents CONTENTS About the author ix Preface xi 1 Psychology in life 1 2 Emotional life: recognising feelings and emotions 9 3 Emotional life: regulating emotions 25 4 Motivational life: hunger, thirst and sex 39 5 Motivational life: from sensation-seeking to self-actualisation 55 6 Social life: forming and maintaining relationships 71 7 Social life: communicating one to one 87 8 Social life: communicating in groups 103 9 Social life: leadership 119 10 Inner life: personality 133 11 Inner life: the self 149 12 Intellectual life: learning 165 13 Intellectual life: memory and thinking 181 vii 14 The lifespan: bringing up children 197 15 The lifespan: growing older 213 CONTENTS 16 When things go wrong in life 229 17 A healthy life: self-help 245 18 A healthy life: therapeutic help 261 19 Life in general 277 References 283 Index 285 viii About the author Kenneth Strongman obtained his degrees at University College, London, and ABOUT THE AUTHOR worked at the University of Exeter for several years. He has been Professor of Psychology at the University of Canterbury in New Zealand for 25 years. He is a Fellow of the Royal Society of New Zealand, Fellow of the British Psychological Society, and Fellow of the New Zealand Psychological Society. His current position is Pro-Vice-Chancellor (Arts) at the University of Canterbury. He is also Chair of the Humanities Council of New Zealand. He has published ten books. ix Preface PREFACE I began by wanting to write a book entitled something like Where Psychology Has Gone Wrong. The reason for this desire came from thinking that psychology is a far more interesting and stimulating subject than it would appear to be from a glance at some academic texts and journal articles. Also, many students begin their psychological studies with enthusiasm and then rapidly have to come to terms with the subject not being quite as they thought that it might be. Somehow, it all seems rather remote from everyday issues and problems, in fact, not to put too fi ne a point on it, rather remote from people and what they do. However, those close enough to me to receive my confi dences about the pro- posed book gently suggested that it seemed a hint negative. So, instead I thought of writing something not only about where psychology had lost its way, but also about more positive and interesting directions it had taken and where it might go more positively in the future. This still seemed somewhat negative. Finally, then, came the idea of picking the eyes out of psychology, of amassing in one place all of those aspects of psychology which have been developed in an interesting and practically useful way. When it came to looking for them, then there they were. There was also the further consideration of identifying the potential readership. This was an easier problem. The book is intended generally for any person who wishes to fi nd out a little about psychology in a way that would be useful to them in their everyday world, be it at work or at home, when alone or in the company of others. The book is also intended specifi cally for any student who is required (or wishes) to study psychology for one year as part of some other training (teaching, medicine, paramedical services, police work, and so on). It will give them a reasonably thorough grounding in many (but not all) aspects of psychology, but will also ensure that this grounding occurs in the everyday world. In the end, this is not a didactic book. It has a much more practical set of aims – to be useful and stimulating and, above all, to communicate and engage. Psychology can be both surprising and fascinating. Returning to the point made at the start of this preface, I am now in a posi- tion of easily identifying those aspects of psychological research that (in my view) have been, let us say, less than riveting. They are simply all of those parts of psychology not included in Applying Psychology to Everyday Life, but the thought of writing a book about them is also less than riveting. This was the better way to do it. xi ᭣ CHAPTER ONE Psychology in life PSYCHOLOGY IN LIFE Some examples Jeff is a man in his forties, happily married with a growing family. Currently, he is in the neurological ward in a hospital, recovering from the effects of a particularly traumatic car accident. Driving home in murky conditions, he was sideswiped at great speed by a young man who had been banned from driving. He had stolen a car and simply lost control on a bend travel- ling much too fast for the road conditions. Jeff suffered a broken leg, a broken arm, several broken ribs, a punctured lung and considerable brain damage. All the breakages have recovered and the lung is mending well. Jeff has had brain surgery and again, from a surgical or medical viewpoint, his scars are healing well. However, some of the time he is unable to recognise his wife, his children, and other members of his family and his friends. He can remember how to clean his teeth and all of the events of the day, but he cannot remember much of his previous life. This is extremely upset- ting both to him and to his family and friends. The specialists who are dealing with Jeff keep talking about the effects of brain damage and what functions might or might not recover in ‘cases like yours’ and the likeli- hood of one part of the brain taking over from another. Mary is an air stewardess, working on a domestic route, having had consid- erable previous experience on international routes. She has just arrived at her fl ight for the morning. She had been called in suddenly, although not expecting to be rostered on, because three other people had telephoned to say that they were sick. She is feeling very under par. The previous weekend, her boyfriend of some three years said that he thought that they should have a time apart for two or three months because ‘things didn’t seem to be going very well’. And in the middle of the night, her period had started, waking her with a series of very painful cramps. She had been suffering from endometriosis for some time and it seemed to be getting worse.