1 the Pitiful Encounter

ODDBALLS Wil liam Sleator c William Sleator THE PITIFUL ENCOUNTER When my sister Vicky and I were teenagers we talked a lot ab out hating p eople Hating came easily to us We would b e walking down the street notice a p erfect stranger and b e suddenly struck by how much we hated that p erson And at the dinner table we would go on and on ab out all the p opular kids we hated at high scho ol Our father who has a very logical mind sometimes cautioned us ab out this Dont waste your hate he would say Save it up for imp ortant things like your family or the President We resp onded by quoting the famous line from Medea Loathing is endless Hate is a b ottomless cup I p our and p our But b eing hated by us was not the worst thing we could say ab out a p erson There was an even lower category for which Vicky and her two b est friends Ann and Emily had coined a sp ecial term pituh There was no word in the English language that sp ecied all the particular characteristics that made someone pituh Though it was pronounced something like the rst two syllables of pitiful the term certainly did not mean that the p erson was pitiful or pathetic in the sense of b eing an outcast On the contrary most of the p eople our group considered to b e pituh were the reigning leaders of the p opular clique the girls with p erfectly gro omed b eehive hairdos who giggled and irted and were always xing their makeup the arrogant guys they irted with athletes and class leaders who considered me a nonentity b ecause I was lousy at sp orts It was these slaves to p eer pressure who we considered the most pituh of allthe vast ma jority of students who did not realize that we as o ddballs and delib erate nonconformists were far sup erior to them in every way We were the rst hippies at our high scho ol We wore ancient sandals carried our b o oks in cloth sacks and let our hair grow long and untamed Vicky and Ann were the most daring They pried discarded gum out of the scho ol drinking fountains and casually p opp ed it into their mouths to chewmaking sure of course that pituhp eople were observing them The resulting expressions of baement and awed disgust were a joy to b ehold Vicky and Ann insisted they werent just doing this for eect They claimed that ABC gum had a far more subtle depth of character than the unrip ened fresh stu The pituhp eople at scho ol were not the only ones we to ok pleasure in b ewildering There was also the general public Ann had sp ent a year in England when her father was on sabbatical there and had returned with the ability to sp eak when she chose in a gratingly intense co ckney accent Ave yuh gawt inny b oiros she demanded of drugstore clerks who had no idea she was asking for a ballp oint p en But the b est use of her accent was a game the three of them called The Pitiful Encounter which they played frequently on streetcars In order to understand The Pitiful Encounter it is necessary to p oint out that Ann was not as attractive as the other two She was not unpretty but she was overweight with a eshy face and mousy hair Physically lazy she carried herself with a slump Emily in contrast was tall thin deli cately featured There was an eln quality ab out her And Vicky was a real b eauty earthier than Emily with huge blue eyes prominent dimples and thick strawb erry blonde hair Her lo oks were so stunning that had she not consciously chosen otherwise she could easily have b een a memb er of the p opular pituhgroup at scho ol On the Saturday The Pitiful Encounter was b orn the three of them had gone shopping downtown and were waiting for the streetcar home Vicky and Emilyfor some reason I now forgetlo oked almost like normal p eople in skirts and blouses that actually matched their hair pinned back and neatly gro omed They were even wearing makeup in which they would never have b een caught dead at scho ol Ann was dressed in one of her typical outtsa discarded sweater of her fathers mud brown motheaten and far to o big which emphasized her plumpness It lo oked particularly hideous with an olive green skirt she had found at a thrift store frayed at the hem and unfashionably long which she wore with thick black knee so cks As usual her hair was a mess falling into her eyes Vicky and Emily b oarded the streetcar rst and to ok two seats together The only other empty seat was two rows ahead of them Ann who was not timid asked the icily primlo oking woman sitting in a single seat directly across the aisle from Vicky and Emily if she would mind moving so that she could sit with her friends The woman sighed irritably but b egan gathering her parcels together And then Vicky aware of how outrageously dowdy and b edraggled Ann lo oked was struck by sudden inspiration Dont b other moving she told the woman We dont want to sit anywhere near her The woman frowned rolled her eyes and sank back into her seat shaking her head Ann was momentarily nonplussed Then resp onding to Vickys subtle but signicant no d she caught on But I thought we might yer know ave a little chat she said to Vicky and Emily with a sad hop eful smile laying on her co ckney accent Go away Vicky said loudly enough for the other passengers to hear You cant sit with us But I jist want t b e yer friend Ann faltered The woman Ann had asked to move was lo oking back and forth b etween them Some of the other passengers had fallen silent listening Well you cant b e our friend You talk funny We dont like you Vicky savagely retorted Just leave us alone Emily added nally getting the idea Ann cringed away and to ok the seat two rows ahead Can you b elieve she actually thought we would let her sit with us Vicky asked Emily bristling with indignation her voice clearly audible through out the car Emily put her hand over her mouth but she was unable to suppress a snort That hair she said I know Vicky b egan to giggle Ann pushed her hair out of her eyes biting her lip The sho cked passen gers were glaring at Vicky and Emily now and casting lo oks of concern at Ann And those clothes Emily gagged They lo ok like they came out of a garbage can Handmedowns Vicky said cheerfully imitating the complacent banal manner of a p opular pituhp erson I b et she cant aord anything b etter she wore Not that it would matter what I know Emily agreed Nothing would make any dierence would it And they b oth dissolved into giggles again Ann sank lower in her seat staring straight ahead wiping her eyes The unfriendly woman Ann had asked to move leaned forward and tapp ed her on the shoulder Just ignore those nasty girls she said gently Youre a b etter p erson than they are Rememb er that Ann struggled to suppress her own giggles to press her lips together and maintain her miserable demeanor in front of the now kindly woman and the other outraged passengers Only when they got o the streetcar could she let it out explosively as the three of them staggered away arm in arm b ent over in mirth It worked even b etter the next time they played it an old man gave Ann a dollar and on his way out told Vicky and Emily they should b e ashamed of themselves Another time a woman with a little girl comforted Ann and grow up to b e like those horrible told her child she hop ed she would never girls Such resp onses were irresistibly entertaining They ro de the streetcar now with no destination in mind continuing to play The Pitiful Encounter They practiced and honed itthough it often required an almost sup erhuman eort on Anns part not to ruin it all by bursting into laughter in front of some compassionate stranger But on one memorable o ccasion The Pitiful Encounter had unexp ected consequences Ann was sitting by herself in a double seat across the aisle and one row b ehind Vicky and Emily The other passengers didnt seem to b e noticing them that dayno kindly p erson stepp ed forward at the usual moment Perhaps their roleplaying had grown routine after so many p erformances To get things moving Vicky and Emily had no choice but to b ecome more brutal adding sp ecial twists to their usual insults Youd think shed at least go on a diet Vicky said And all those hideously disgusting pimples You think she ever washes her face She do esnt take to o many baths or brush her teeth thats for sure Emily said wrinkling her nose and fanning the air in front of her That is if they even have to othpaste wherever it is she comes from Do you b elieve that voice Vicky agreed vehemently She I know Go d the stupid way she talks says everything wrong She should learn that we dont talk that way in America if she exp ects anyb o dy in this country ever to b e her friend Cant elp the why I tawk Ann mumbled her lip quivering Vicky rolled her eyes in a brilliant imitation of pituhb ehavior Go d she asked shaking her how can someb o dy so pathetic even stand to exist head in wonder You have a very charming accent Where do you come from said a male voice Vicky and Emily spun around Because of the lack of resp onse they were further along the streetcar line than usual now where the tracks passed the University None of them had noticed the three b oys who had gotten on at the university stop But now the b oys were standing in the aisle and one of them had his hand on the back of Anns seat Ann hesitated Nothing like this had ever happ ened b efore All three of the b oys were extremely go o dlo oking and not the least bit pituhesp ecially the one leaning over her with his hand on the back of her seat Uh Im from uh London England Ann nally said Thats very interesting Do you mind if we join you Er uh no Ann said ghting the impulse to glance over at Vicky

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