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THE SWEETHEART CONNECTION the OFFICIAL Trl-ESS NEWSLETTER F OR WIUES and PARTNERS WINTER 1994 the Sweetheart Connection Is Published Four Times Yearfy

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THE SWEETHEART CONNECTION the OFFICIAL Trl-ESS NEWSLETTER F OR WIUES and PARTNERS WINTER 1994 the Sweetheart Connection Is Published Four Times Yearfy / • THE SWEETHEART CONNECTION THE OFFICIAL TRl-ESS NEWSLETTER f OR WIUES AND PARTNERS WINTER 1994 The Sweetheart Connection is Published four times YearfY. SubscriPtion costs are: $12 Yearly for four issues. or a wife/Partner may join Tri-Ess seParatelY from her Partner for a cost of $1 o. She will receive membershiP and the Sweetheart Connection. If she chooses to receive The Femme Mirror. her annual cost wm be $25. Letters. comments and articles are encouraaed and may be sent to the editor: Linda Peacock. Director. Tri-Ess Wives Partners Concerns. PO Box 24031. Uttle Rock. AR. 72221. For further information. can so 1-227-8798 after 5 PM CST on weekdays or anytime on weekends. ~TUI?!:'~ LIAV Wtil:~ T() Tl:LL Gwendolyn SPencer. TaPestrY Julie Freeman. The Devil Woman As winter sPrites dance across the No matter how many meetf n" one may landscaPe. attend. no matter how many aender And YOU stand In nature's naPe. birthdays one may eel ebrate. no matter Glance into the barren land how many outreach actlvf ti es one may Know the warmth of where YOU stand. Partlcf Pate In. It Is still astound Ina how · many individuals are STILL deeP In the Stand for riaht and do no wrona. closet. unaware of suPPort arouPs for the For in rii!hteousness. you wm be stroni!. transi!endered and their famllf es and Know "that just as no season comes before friends. You would have thouaht by now its time. words can have meanini! outside that everYone must be out • there have the rhyme. just been too many talk shows on aender and too many movies on crossdresslna for anyone to be left In the dark. But PerhaPs in the dark Is where many Prefer to remain. CertalnlY. we know that sociefY is still hostile and that openness and candor in the wroni Place at the wroni! time. unfortunately. leads t~ neaatlve results. But the closet may NOT be where the Individual wants to be. It Is where he believes he must stay in order to "~ha..-e Y()UJ" d..-eams. Y()UJ" Ideas. Preserve a relatlonshiP that means much Y()UJ" values. Y()UJ" h()pes. and to him. It millht be his familY. It mfiht be Y()UJ" fear"§ •••••••••••••••••• his job. It mliht be a close frf end. What can we tell this ind Ivi dual? What can we r-esutts." tell someone who has already lost family (June Read in RefatlonshiPs: because of his revelations? What can we One SteP On the PathJ tell someone who believes that he can "cure" his behavior. that crossdresslni! is not worth it if it means losine a loved one. I wish we had the answers. Some have been lucky: they decided to be honest and open. knowina they were takine a risk. and it worked out: their family members were suPPortive and their friends did not turn their backs. But others have not been so A LI: I I l:l? t=l?()M luckY. Divorce and broken relationshiPs A t=l?ll:~() dot the sender landscape - Perhaps not any more unusual than socf efY's. but does I~ ~l:ttl? MH that matter when there is hurt and Pain? I know from my own involvement with the Dear Ms. Peacock. sender community that crossdressins does not so awaY. that decidine to "quit" does Our never havina been "formally" not work. that trYina to stifle what Is a !ntroduced. I must demur to the more natural behavior will cause more formal address. I don't. however. stand heartache and desPair in the lone run than on formalities. so let me aet rlsht to the beine honest and incorPoratins the Purpose of my wrltlnat. crossdressina into one's life in a Positive manner. - I am slnsle. I have been a member of Trl­ Ess for a Sood many Years. MY name Is So my heart eoes out to those who retreat not unknown amona readers of The to their closets because they have been Femme Mirror for reason of my service hurt or fear beins hurt aeain. All of us as a member of the editorial staff for a need to work tosether to find ways to helP number of Years and my current activity individuals deal with fear and reJectlon of beina a contributlna editor to the and continue to work in the areas of Publication. MY "slnale" status has education of those who do the reJectlne. Precluded my havlna a· direct Personal There are no easy answers to so many of interest in affairs within Trl-Ess directed our communifY's questions. Let us at toward wives and Partners. Nonetheless. least keep the hotlines soine: let us I have been a consistent and strona continue to be there for suPPort. suPPorter of the family atmosPhere and the orientation within Tri-Ess which suPPorts the family and those in committed relatlonshiPs. In fact. Ive had and still Possess a Powerful sense of affinity for spouses and Partners of crossdressers of all sorts. This makes me somewhat more suPPortive of the workinas of SPICE than would be the case were I a fYPical slnale. As a result of my concern for spouses and Partners. l'Ve often Identified more with "I have wept In the nlaht fvr the spouses and Partners when Problems have shvrtness vf slaht. that tv arisen than with the crossdresser svmebc>dYs need made me involved. This has aotten me some strona bllnd; but I never have yet felt criticism bY some within the sisterhood a tlnae vf rearet fvr belna a who seem to think because I am a little too kind." (4nvn~vus) crossdresser. I should naturally "side" with the crossdresser. MY sYmPathies in leaders do for spouses and Partners who aeneral. lie considerably more with the have suffered what can be seen in no spouse or Partner than with the male other liaht than as a loss. be it loss of a crossdresser. I have to admit. dream. loss of a fantasy. loss of innocence. loss of trust. loss of traditional I just finished readina Your "Good-byes" values. loss of whatever. The work is. as article in The Femme Mirror. I like it verY YOU say. vital and needs to be shared much. Intuitively. You deaf with the core across the socioloslcal spectrum. issues found in the Process of arief resolution. You deaf with loss. the triuer I aPPfaud Your stickinl! to Your suns when of the Process. You deal with self-imaae those who detract offer criticism about and the assau-lt thereon which follows foss. your chooslna to attend mainly to the You deal with time. the areat healer. as spouses and Partners of heterosexual - well. In fact. you touch on all the crossdressers. As YOU know. I'm sure. elements -of the arief resolution Process Tri-Ess as a whole has been scored which rwhen I suffered the fndlanifY and roundly _for focusinai exclusively on loss of a wife divorced me after havina heterosexual crossdressers and their been married 25 YearsJ I named: Fears. families. We've been called all manner of Tears. Sad. Mad and Glad. Frances bad names and our leadershlP attacked Kubla-Ross. MD. writina in her famous Personally on many occasions by those text. "On Death and DYinst." sPoke of arief - who by choice or by occasion of Persistent resolution as a five steP Process in which isnorance have refused to co·mPrehend the the stePs were often concurrent. only way a small l!rouP with limited interminsled in no Particular order. but resources can do any sood Is to focus ultimately all had to be exPerienced. their enerSY. time. talent and resources on BasicallY. those five features of the a clearly Identified tarl!et POPulatlon. Process rePeat in everY case of loss. be PeoPle don't seem to understand such a the loss larae or be it small. The one focuslna is not meant as a discrimination critical thine l'Ve found as a PsYcholoaist technique based on some sort of notion of workina with arief stricken People is also beina better or more lmPortant than constant. This constant thins is. the only someone else. but is rather. a recosinition way out of the arief Process is throuah it. of the reallfY of the situation. No slnsle This sounds trite. I know. but it remains individual and no small orsianlzatlon such the fact of the matter. Denial of i!rief. as Tri-Ess can succeed to any desiree rePression of feellnes. an such common whatsoever when trYlnll to be all thlna to PSYcho defensive methods slmP(Y Prolonl! all PeoPle. Success _comes oniY by the aaonY of the ordeal. With the helP of marshalllnl! available resources and a carina Person. someone who will merely aPPIYina them where your talents wm listen and suPPort. Pfowina straiaht ahead allow YOU to do the most stood. as in "damn the torPedoes. full sPeed ahead." wor_ks to shorten the time In the KeeP the faith. Hanl! In there and do the Process and to lessen the dePth of the aood work YOU are clearly called to do! arief. This works. however. only when Respectfully. Dr. J. Reviere. New Mexico one is suPPorted emotionally and the suPPortlns Person does not have to be a rEd. note: Dr. Revlere wrote me last June trained Professl onaf but does have to be a 30th. and I found the letter to be eloquent truly carina. LISTENING. lovina Person. and a confirmation of what I feel I must one who is wise enouah to keep advice to do in this communiw.
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