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"Mr. Monk and the Bad Twin" Written by Ethan Banville

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MONK "Mr. Monk And The Bad Twin" Written by Ethan Banville "Mr. Monk And The Bad Twin" 4-29-10 1. TEASER FADE IN: EXT. SPORTSBAR -- NIGHT (NIGHT 1) We establish a chain type sportsbar. It’s late. INT. SPORTSBAR -- NIGHT (NIGHT 1) Inside, WAITERS in horrid uniforms zip to and fro delivering greasy meals riddled with cheese. A few are gathered singing “happy birthday” to a woman in rumpled business attire. She’s surrounded by others in business attire who sing poorly along. The song finishes and one of the waitstaff breaks off and moves across the restaurant, stopping by a large party of MEN. In front of all of them are polished off dinner plates, empty glasses and pitchers. The guest of honor, MARK, sits at the head of the table wearing a top hat and a T-shirt that reads “Dead Man Walking.” There are only two glasses in front of him. One empty, one half-full with water. A server walks up with a tray of shots and begins doling them out. One of the men at the table, STEVE, picks up his shot and stands. STEVE (raising his shot) Okay, I’d like to make a toast. JIMMY (heavily inebriated) Yeah, more garlic toast. The guys laugh at JIMMY’S idiocy. STEVE Thanks, Jimmy. (then) I just wanted to say congratulations to Mark on finding himself a great girl and best of luck to him and Shana as they enter into the rest of their lives together. The guys all give a goofy “awwww.” MARK Thank you, Steve. STEVE Hey, man. A week from now you’ll be wishing me the same thing. (MORE) "Mr. Monk And The Bad Twin" 4-29-10 2. STEVE (cont'd) (raises shot) To Mark. Everyone picks up their shot. Mark smiles as they all slam a shot. He doesn’t touch his. Instead he sips his water. STEVE (cont’d) You’re not gonna drink with us? That’s bad luck. MARK Sorry, no can do. I haven’t checked my blood sugar in hours. TODD Yeah, last thing you want to do is die the night before your wedding. MIKE If he’s smart he does! The guys laugh at the stupid joke. MARK (stands) Alright, guys. I’m outta here. They all react “C’mon”, “You’re kidding,” etc. STEVE It’s only nine o’clock. Mark exchanges hugs with the guys. He goes to hug Steve. STEVE (cont’d) (holding up shot) C’mon, buddy. One for the road. MARK It’s all you, Steve. See you in the morning. Mark exits. Steve slams the shot and moves away from the party. He takes out his phone and starts to dial. INT. APARTMENT -- LIVING ROOM -- A LITTLE LATER (NIGHT 1) We HEAR the sound of KEYS JINGLING, then a DOOR OPENING. Mark enters and tosses his keys on an end table. They land next to a picture of a young couple. The man is Mark. He has his arm around a beautiful brunette who’s wearing an engagement ring. "Mr. Monk And The Bad Twin" 4-29-10 3. INT. APARTMENT -- BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS (NIGHT 1) Mark enters and begins unbuttoning his shirt. He tosses it over a chair then goes to the nightstand and opens the drawer. Sitting down on the bed, he pulls out a blood sugar meter and some test strips. He pricks the tip of his finger then squeezes a drop of blood onto the strip before sliding it into the meter. Numbers pop up on the screen. He reads it, then puts the meter on the nightstand, then opens the cabinet door below the drawer on the nightstand. Inside is a mini-fridge. He opens the door revealing an insulin pen and some bottles of insulin. He pulls out the insulin pen. It’s the high-end kind with the data screen on the side. He inputs some numbers then pulls off the cap. He lifts up his shirtsleeve and injects himself in the LEFT SHOULDER. He places the insulin items back in the fridge and closes it. He lays down on top of the sheets and clicks the TV on. INT. APARTMENT -- BEDROOM -- LATER (NIGHT 1) Mark is now asleep, having dozed off with the TV on. A WOMAN enters the doorway. Standing next to the picture we saw earlier, she appears to be the woman in the picture. Dressed in casual clothing, she’s wearing a pair of rubber exam gloves. She watches Mark sleeping. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out an insulin pen as she crosses to Mark. She sets a measurement on the pen, then jabs Mark in the same SHOULDER he injected himself in earlier. Mark wakes with a start. MARK (squinting his eyes awake) Shana? Suddenly ashen, his eyes roll back and he collapses on the bed, unable to lift his head. The woman places the insulin pen she injected him with on the nightstand then exits the room. She returns a moment later with a bottle of dark rum and a glass with some ice. She places the glass on the nightstand and pours a drink. She pulls a syringe from her other pocket and uses it to suck the rum out of the glass. She carefully taps the needle, making sure to get the air bubbles out by squirting some of the rum out of the needle into the air. She then injects rum into the same spot she injected the insulin. The groom's eyes close and he collapses completely. The woman smiles, puts the needle back in her pocket and exits. FADE OUT. END OF TEASER "Mr. Monk And The Bad Twin" 4-29-10 4. ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. DR. KROGER’S OFFICE - THE NEXT DAY (DAY 2) MONK sits across from DR. KROGER. DR. KROGER (laughs) So it was the same guy? The same one you had arrested when you first joined the force? For the same crime? MONK People don’t change. DR. KROGER You’re right about that. MONK (looks worried) Really? DR. KROGER Adrian, I-- MONK (stands up, begins pacing) I knew this was a waste of time. How much money have I spent? Monk begins straightening things out in Dr. Kroger’s office, touching lamps, etc. DR. KROGER Adrian, sit down. MONK Why? You just said this was pointless. DR. KROGER No, Adrian, what I meant was that most people don’t change because they never take the steps to move on. You’re doing great. It just takes time. MONK How much time? At this rate, I’ll be dead by the time they let me back on the force. "Mr. Monk And The Bad Twin" 4-29-10 5. Monk starts moving the coffee table back and forth, trying to find its “place.” DR. KROGER Adrian, please stop. MONK Why? If this is what I’m going to be like the rest of my life, I might as well enjoy it. Dr. Kroger removes his glasses and rubs his forehead. EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING -- LITTLE LATER THAT DAY (DAY 2) NATALIE and Monk pull up outside of a small apartment building. Natalie pulls down her visor, does a quick makeup check, then gets out. Monk goes to get out, but stops, seeing Natalie’s visor still down. He puts it up, but then decides it would be better with both visors down. He’s about to get out, then sees that only one cup holder is out. He goes through the same process with that. Natalie opens his door. NATALIE Mr. Monk, what are you doing? MONK Just making everything right. She waits a beat as he adjusts the seats to be even. NATALIE Okay, that’s enough. She pulls him out of the car. MONK Why do you have to always ruin my fun? NATALIE Fun? You go to therapy four days a week to try and stop doing this. Since when is it fun? MONK (condescending) Natalie, I’m never going to stop this. You see, people don’t change. They never change. I’m just having fun with what I’m cursed to do until I die. "Mr. Monk And The Bad Twin" 4-29-10 6. He begins adjusting the windshield wipers, trying to make them “even.” NATALIE (exasperated) Oh, my god. (grabbing his hands) Mr. Monk, you’re not going to do this ‘till the day you die. You keep at this, I’ll kill you way before then. LT. DISHER approaches. LT. DISHER Hey, Natalie. Monk. (reading from notepad) Deceased is a Mark Solakian, twenty- eight, bookstore owner. Looks like he went out last night to his bachelor party -- his wedding was today. NATALIE Yikes. LT. DISHER I know, right? Anyway, he goes to his bachelor party, drank a little too much, comes home, gives himself his usual bedtime insulin -- he was a diabetic -- then goes to bed. The insulin combined with the alcohol drops his blood sugar too low. He never wakes up. MONK So this was an accident? NATALIE Wow, his fiancé must be heartbroken. LT. DISHER She is. That’s who requested Monk. MONK Why would someone request me to consult on an accidental death? LT. DISHER I dunno. You can ask her yourself. C’mon. I’ll introduce you. They follow Lt. Disher into the building. "Mr. Monk And The Bad Twin" 4-29-10 7. INT. APARTMENT BUILDING -- HALLWAY -- MOMENTS LATER (DAY 2) Monk and Natalie follow Lt. Disher down the hallway. MONK Introduce me to who? NATALIE The fiance.
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