The Fire in the Firefly: the Unspoken (Speaks)
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Northern Michigan University NMU Commons All NMU Master's Theses Student Works 5-2016 The irF e in the Firefly: The nsU poken (Speaks) Ania S. Payne Northern Michigan University, [email protected] Follow this and additional works at: https://commons.nmu.edu/theses Part of the Nonfiction Commons Recommended Citation Payne, Ania S., "The irF e in the Firefly: Then U spoken (Speaks)" (2016). All NMU Master's Theses. 87. https://commons.nmu.edu/theses/87 This Open Access is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Works at NMU Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in All NMU Master's Theses by an authorized administrator of NMU Commons. For more information, please contact [email protected],[email protected]. THE FIRE IN THE FIREFLY: THE UNSPOKEN (SPEAKS) By Ania Sonora Payne THESIS Submitted to Northern Michigan University In partial fulfillment of the requirements For the degree of MASTER OF FINE ARTS Office of Graduate Education and Research May 2016 SIGNATURE APPROVAL FORM The Fire in the Firefly: The Unspoken (Speaks) This thesis by Ania Sonora Payne is recommended for approval by the student’s Thesis Committee and Department Head in the Department of English and by the Assistant Provost of Graduate Education and Research. Committee Chair: Matthew Gavin Frank Date First Reader: Jennifer Howard Date Second Reader: Rachel May Date Department Head: Dr. Lynn Domina Date Dr. Robert J. Winn Date Interim Assistant Provost of Graduate Education and Research ABSTRACT THE FIRE IN THE FIREFLY: THE UNSPOKEN (SPEAKS) By Ania Sonora Payne This collection of nonfiction essays explores life and the way that we, as animals—humans, mammals, insects—engage the world that we all share together, both from a personal perspective and from a distant, 3rd person perspective. Some of these essays dabble in memoir, wherein I closely examine the intricacies of the relationships between my family members, neighbors, and friends. Other essays are driven by research and my relentless curiosity about the world around me—what goes on in the mind of the earthworm or chigger, the science of fear and the inevitability of death that surrounds us all. This collective narrative seeks to illuminate the interconnectedness of everyone by considering even the narrative of most miniscule organism. i Copyright by Ania Sonora Payne 2016 ii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS First and foremost, I would like to thank my thesis director, Matt Frank, for his continuous support and encouragement, and for always reminding me to remain curious and pushing me to keep researching, even after I thought that I had reached the end of my research rabbit hole. Thank you for broadening my definition of “creative nonfiction.” I would also like to thank my readers Jennifer Howard and Rachel May. Thank you, Jen, for introducing me to the world of the prose poem and for inspiring me to try my hand at one-page, language-driven essays. I want to thank Rachel May for her endless support and encouragement towards my writing, especially at times when I felt particularly burnt out. I want to thank my mother, Diane Payne, for introducing me to the illuminating, frustrating, yet rewarding world of creative writing at such a young age and for continuing to help me edit my essays, even when I send them to her on the night that they’re due for workshop submission. I want to thank my father, Roby Rajan, for teaching me to think critically about the world, and to always question everything. This thesis follows the format prescribed by the MLA Style Manual and the Department of English. iii TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction ................................................................................................... 1 After Death .................................................................................................. 11 When Fire and Family Don’t Mix ............................................................... 14 Aftermath .................................................................................................... 17 Crosswalks and Undergrounds .................................................................. 20 Hameen’s Wallet ......................................................................................... 35 The View From Above ................................................................................. 49 Terminal 1 ................................................................................................... 61 Brownish...................................................................................................... 63 Through The Banana Trees ........................................................................ 73 Like Kittens In A Grocery Store ................................................................. 78 Behind Closed Beaks .................................................................................. 81 Gateway Bugs ............................................................................................. 83 Things Fall Down ........................................................................................ 86 Signs of Drowning ....................................................................................... 95 Promises Made by the Superfast Ferry Website ..................................... 102 Thirst ......................................................................................................... 105 Porcelain .................................................................................................... 117 Tincture ..................................................................................................... 119 Burnt Petunias .......................................................................................... 121 iv In the Sauna .............................................................................................. 123 Used ........................................................................................................... 125 How to Become an Insomniac ................................................................... 131 Extensions on “Fire”.................................................................................. 137 The Rapture .............................................................................................. 145 On Luminescence ...................................................................................... 153 Alpha Gals ................................................................................................. 166 Circularity ................................................................................................. 186 Lenses ........................................................................................................ 190 Works Cited ............................................................................................... 192 v Introduction Everything has a narrative. The radiator in the corner of the living room can tell you about the Pennsylvania factory that it was assembled in, the hands that gathered around to screw its nuts and bolts together, and the lives of the people behind those hands, if you are willing to allow yourself to fall down a research rabbit hole. The potted succulent in the windowsill can inform you about the neighbors who walk down the driveway, day in and day out, and how these neighbors’ expressions change depending on what type of afternoon they’ve had at work—if you’re able to spend a day neglecting your human life and sitting with the succulent, experiencing the deliberate stillness of plant life. As Phillip Vannini, ethnographer, writes, Objects frequently structure the very way narratives unfold. Objects stimulate narratives, or they afford us access into them…objects acquire cultural meaning and power in the context of stories or narratives that locate, value, and render them invisible and important. Without such narrative storylines—be they accounts spoken by individuals or accounts that hold more general sway within a 1 population such as discourse—an object is rendered virtually invisible within a culture (60). After finishing this collection of essays, I hope that my readers develop an appreciation for the narratives of the seemingly voiceless—whether that be the plant in the windowsill, the orange that sits rotting atop the kitchen counter, the firefly or tick that crawls in the backyard, or the often overlooked narratives of underrepresented groups of people. As a woman who is half Asian-Indian, half White, I use about one- fourth of the essays in this collection as a means to explore my cultural identity. Because my skin is an ambiguous light-tan color, I can pass for almost any racial group. When I am near Mexico, strangers think that I am Latina. In Rome, I am Italian. In Madrid, a Spaniard. In certain areas of the American South, I am part African-American. “Brownish,” “The View From Above,” “Through The Banana Trees,” “Like Kittens In A Grocery Store,” and “The Rapture” all touch on what it means to be a racially “mixed” woman, both at home in the United States, and when I visit my father’s family in South India. “Brownish” explores this theme most extensively—following my experiences as a young child living on the border of Mexico all the way to my adult life in the YMCA sauna of Marquette, Michigan. It is human nature to be curious and to make assumptions about others. Children are loud about their assumptions and would bluntly ask me 2 “Are you white or black?” when I was growing up in Southeast Arkansas. Adults in the sauna approach the topic somewhat more subtly,