Felix Andy Sykes
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Science Interview Television Harry Are chimps Hill people too? Fairground Science page 6 page 8 page 26 e student newspaper of Imperial College No. 1,360 • Friday • 20 October 2006 • ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk Massive outrage as More papers nothing happens under threat FUCIT Andy Sykes tions, with the President, Salima Omar was unable to attend to at- Editor-in-Chief Lanquaye, apparently telling the tend, due to prior commitments, other officers that she could han- and the meeting took place without Westminster University Union’s dle the bulk of the arrangements him present. However, the sabbs student newspaper, The Smoke, herself. eventually decided that it was not has faced censorship and possible The UWSU General Manager, the appropriate to discipline Mr Omar removal of the Vice President of head of the union staff, apparently without him being present, and Communications over allegations filed an official complaint against agreed to reconvene in a fortnight’s If something’s happening, they’re damn good at hiding it from us made in the paper about the state Rayhan Rafiq Omar, the VP Com- time. of Westminster University’s Fresh- munications, for allowing the is- Mr Omar, contacted by this re- ers’ Fayre. sue to go to print. It is not clear porter for comment, feels very A huge group of students and staff Governance Report autographed A piece in the second issue of The what the sabbs felt was inaccurate strongly about honouring his word gathered on campus yesterday, by the Union President, John Col- Smoke, titled “Fayre… Or Failure”, about the article, though they is- to the students that he serves. After as it was revealed that absolutely lins. They did bump into a certain reported on recent student com- sued an immediate ban and began the sabbs decided that they would nothing had happened during the online newspaper editor along the plaints about the Fayre, calling it removing the paper from its distri- deliberate on his case without him, week. The gathering protested by way, who could be heard yelling, “one of the most disorganised… in bution points and readers’ hands. he stated: “My responsibility is to going about their daily business as rather angrily, “why won’t you lot the recent past”. Examples of the Mr Omar, understandably furious, the students, not myself”, adding if nothing had happened, which is in make a mistake?” complaints were cited, such as a commented to Felix: “I’ve never that he could continue to help stu- fact what had happened. You see? FUCIT, that bastion of journalistic lack of a major bank stall for over- seen them do so much work.” The dents after being disciplined. Felix has assembled a special re- integrity, tried to obtain comment seas students to open an account, sabbs have also tabled a motion of The Smoke is independent from porting team, the Felix Undercover from the sabbs. Eric Lai, Deputy a lack of organisation for commer- no confidence in Mr Omar. the UWSU in terms of content, and Investigation Team, or FUCIT for President (Cakes & Snacks) was cial stalls as they arrived, and a bad The General Manager sum- funded by the union. Mr Omar and short, to try to get to the bottom of unavailable for comment, as he stall layout. They quoted an anony- moned Mr Omar to a disciplinary the other sabbs took decisions at this outrageous farce. This loose as- was wandering the halls ques- mous source as saying that UWSU panel meeting. However, this took the beginning of the year to make sembly of tireless men and women tioning passers-by: “Does anyone is running at a £10,000 deficit, and place via text message sent at it fully independent of any political of journalism scoured the campus know how to get the Internet on my that personal rivalries between the 10:15am, with the meeting occur- infighting within the union, and as from the broad, slightly blinding phone?” sabbs have been hampering opera- ring at 12:30pm the same day. Mr such, the only body that can remove white space of Dalby Court to the Ben Harris, Deputy President Mr Omar from his post is the Gen- lofty heights of the sabbs’ offices (Fluff & Stuff), initially displayed re- eral Meeting. in Beit Towers, trying to locate an luctance to talk to FUCIT, but then Mr Omar controls the funding of answer for you, dear reader, to the darkly muttered something about the newspaper, and although he eternal question: “What the fuck “ULU.. damn journalists.. NUS..” has a right to change content, he are we going to put on the front before collapsing into a immobile feels his role to be more of a guiding page?” heap. Jon Matthews, Deputy Presi- one, saying: “As long as I am in the Initially, FUCIT toyed with the idea dent (Pounds & Pennies), used his post, I will protect the students who of filling the page with lorem ipsum comment-making machine to say: write for The Smoke, and ensure and knocking off early to the pub for “It would not be appropriate for me what they are doing… can be pub- a few swift lagers and a stomach- to make comment at this juncture.” lished.” This reporter contacted the destroying Union chilli-with-nach- Sir John Collins (Punion Resident) UWSU President for comment; at os, but this plan was scuppered by officially refused to make comment, the time of going to press, no reply a rather angry editor wielding what before adding under his breath: has been received. he likes to call his “angry stick” and “Off the record, old chap, but being In other news, Felix’s previous threatening everything from frac- President is a fine old lark.” Shama news editor, Chris Miles, has suc- tures to forcible orifice insertion. Rahman, Deputy President (Girl’s ceeded in irritating the sabbs at Ejected from the Felix office by the Stuff), unfortunately could not hear Bristol University, after asking editor’s lackeys, FUCIT decided FUCIT knocking on her door, as the questions about the finances of the next best course of action would volume of her modern beat combo the Union in his new role as news be to wander up to Beit Towers and music was sufficient to vibrate editor of university’s student news- see if they could steal anything nearby fixtures. paper. The sabbs have threatened from the photocopiers that might When asked for comment by FU- the paper, Epigram, with withdrawl be horribly incriminating. Sadly, all CIT, Andy Sykes, Felix Editor, said: of funding and closure, and pos- the team located was a photocopy “What the hell are you doing back in sible removal of Mr Miles from his of some unidentified body parts here? I thought I told you go make The issue of Smoke that upset the sabbs and union staff position. covered with hair, and a copy of the up news. Here comes the pain!” 2 felix Friday 20 October 2006 NEWS [email protected] Abusive ex-student Elections much disrupts Ethos pool less of a farce now Andy Sykes An ex-student has been “abusive and out of order” while at the Ethos swimming pool, aggressively con- fronting staff and students after a training session overran. Ethos provides external coaches from an organisation called Fast Fins to the Swim & Waterpolo Club free of charge during their training sessions. These are usually split into two halves, with the swimmers in the first session, and the water- polo players in the second session. The trouble started when the first session overran. A member of the club, Ares Protopapas, became irate at the external coaches at Stephen Brown, standing as RON, amuses the voting public the poolside, asking them to hurry up and clear the pool. The coaches were in the process of concluding The Council elections have become the enthuisiasm of Mr Collins, the session, but this apparently was less farcical, with the Union Presi- which a few students lunching qui- not enough for Mr Protopapas, who dent, John Collins, changing the etly in the JCR found somewhat off- disrupted the end of the session rules to allow people to stand. putting if the heckles are to be be- and jumped in the pool. The GSA elections did have all lieved. The candidates for the GSA After the event, the club’s Presi- signs of becoming a classic Union can only be voted for by postgradu- dent, Sophie Mitchinson, sent an election farce, but a number of peo- ates, and several students then email to the club’s mailing list. ple are now standing for the avail- raised the question of why hustings The email asked members to try able posts after a heavy campaign for these positions took place in the to be punctual to training sessions of e-mailing and approaching post- JCR instead of the SCR. Mr Collins to prevent overrun, to stay out of graduates. However, the second- responded that masters’ students the pool until a coach has checked A pool session at Ethos was disrupted by an unruly ex-student ing appeared to be a problem, with are not permitted in the SCR, but whether the trainee is a club mem- many candidates having only one are still represented by the GSA. ber, and to wait patiently should or two seconders. Mr Collins decid- The RON campaign, run by the first session overrun. Mr Pro- smoke) rather inappropriate for the ley, head of Sport Imperial, stated ed to interpret the constitution re- Stephen Brown (RAG Chair) this topapas decided that this was not Ethos poolside.” Mr Protopapas’ that Mr Protopapas must abide by garding elections, which says that year, got a far better reception than sufficient, and sent an email to the complaint seems to be that he felt Ethos’ codes of practice, or he will candidates “normally require” ten any of the other candidates, with entire list, as well as the Rector, Sir he had been treated badly by the be banned from using the centre.