Disownment of Indo-Canadian Women
DISOWNMENT OF INDO-CANADIAN WOMEN
By
SWINDER KATJR JHEETA
B.A., The University of British Columbia
THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF
THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF
MASTER OF ARTS
in
THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES
(Department of Counselling Psychology)
We accept this thesis as conforming to the required standard
THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA
February 1988
® Swinder Kaur Jheeta, 1988 In presenting this thesis in partial fulfilment of the requirements for an advanced
degree at the University of British Columbia, I agree that the Library shall make it
freely available for reference and study. I further agree that permission for extensive
copying of this thesis for scholarly purposes may be granted by the head of my
department or by his or her representatives. It is understood that copying or
publication of this thesis for financial gain shall not be allowed without my written
permission.
Department of COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGY
The University of British Columbia 1956 Main Mall Vancouver, Canada V6T 1Y3
Date APRIL 25, 1988
DE-6(3/81) Abstract
This study explores the psychological and social
aspects of the experience of being disowned. Disownment
can arise at two levels. At the intrapersonal level
disownment is characterized by: the repression of
emotions, needs, and aspects of one's personality. At
the interpersonal level, disownment involves the
complete break in social, emotional, economic, familial
support and community relations. This paper examines
the relationship between the two. Ten Indo-Canadian women who had experienced an aspect of disownment were
interviewed. Results revealed that a variety of factors can precipitate this stressful event. How these women cope with the experience was determined by factors which either facilitated or hindered the adjustment process.
From the analysis of the data, disownment not only resulted as a consequence of a life transition but it also emerged as a transitional process. The disownment model is presented to provide a framework for understanding this underlying process. The three stage model of disownment describes the: 1) anticipation of
shift, 2) adjustment and 3) re-integration.
Implications of the model for counseling and research
are also discussed. iii
For
Jiwan Singh
Satwachan Kaur
Kuldip
Satpal
Sarbj it
and Iqbal iv
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Abstract ii
Dedication iii
Table of Contents iv
Acknowledgements vii
CHAPTER I - INTRODUCTION
Disownment 3 1. Definitional Considerations 3
2. Characteristics 8
Statement of the Problem 9
Indo-Canadian Women 10
Objectives of the Study 12
Definition of Terms 13
Overview 13
CHAPTER II - REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE
Theoretical Considerations 15
1. Value Conflict 16 2. Identification 16 3. Group Versus Individual Needs 19 4. Self-Esteem and Identity 20 5. Cultural Conflict 21 6. Threats to Identity 23 7. Threat to the Individual 25 8. Threat to the Family 26 9. Threat to the Community 27
Examples From Other Cultures 28
1. Shunning 28 2. Bann 2 9 3. Loss of Face 30
4. Sitting Shiva 31
Cultural Context 33
1. Bi-Cultural Context 33 2. Indo-Canadian Cultural Context 36
a. The Family 36 b. Extended Family 37 c. Family Obligations 37 d. Respect, Status, and Power 38 e. Significant Relationships 40 f. Authority and Decision Making 41 g. Status of Women 41 h. Dowry 42 i. Education 43 j. Courtship 43 k. Marriage 44 1. The Marital Relationship 45 m. Divorce 46 n. Family Conflict and Problem Solving 47 o. Expulsion and Disownment 48
3. Conclusion 50
CHAPTER III - METHODOLOGY
Research Design 51
1. Interview Format 51 2. Strengths and Weaknesses 53 3. Validity 54 4. Reliability 55 5. Pilot Study 55 6. Questions 56 7. Interview Schedule 57
Subjects 57 The Interview 60
1. Setting 60 2. Rapport Building 60
Data Collection and Analysis 61 Ethical Considerations 63
CHAPTER IV - RESULTS
Events Precipitating Disownment 64 Contextual Background 66
1. Role of the Nuclear Family 66 2. Role of the Family of Origin 68 3. Role of the Extended Family 70 4. Role of the Community 72 vi
Effects On The Individual 73
Factors Which Facilitate and Hinder Adjustment 75
1. Control and Decision-Making 75 2. Physical Proximity 76 3. Degree of Familial Loss 77 4. Degree of Individual Loss 79 5. Access to a Community 80 6. Cultural Expectations 81
7. Personality Differences 82
Coping Strategies 82
Re-integration Into the Family 84
Significance of Disownment 85
Summary of Results 86
CHAPTER V - SUMMARY AND DISCUSSION
Disownment as a Transitional Process 88
1. Stage One: Shock and Immobilization 90 2. Stage Two: Denial 91 3. Stage Three: Depression 92 4. Stage Four: Letting Go 93 5. Stage Five: Testing Options 94 6. Stage Six: Search for Meaning 94 7. Stage Seven: Integration 95
Three Stage Model of Disownment 98
1. Stage One: Anticipation of Shift 98 2. Stage Two: Adjustment 99
3. Stage Three: Re-integration 100
Implications for Counselling 100
Limitations of The Study 102
Suggestions for Future Research 103
Concluding Remarks 104
REFERENCES 107
APPENDIX A: Interview Schedule 114 APPENDIX B: Agency Request Form 117 APPENDIX C: Participant Request Form 120 APPENDIX D: Contributing Factors 122 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I would like to express my gratitude to Dr. Bill
Borgen, Dr. Frank Echols, Dr. Marv Westwood and Diane
Pollard for their support, guidance and encouragement.
I thank my family who supported me at all stages o this endeavour.
To the women who participated in this study, I am very grateful.
Finally I wish to extend my appreciation to my friends and colleagues who provided counsel and creative criticism. 1
Chapter I
Introduction
Shifts in trends from a "national to a world economy" and the creation of a "global village" identifies the need for cross-cultural communication, understanding and sensitivity to different world views (Naisbett, 1982; Toffler, 1983). With the increase of the world population in transit, more individuals find themselves in contact with people who share different cultural world views. This global movement is reflected on a much smaller scale within the Canadian context (Ramcharan, 1982;
Srivastava, 1974; Samuda, Berry and Laferriere,
1984 ) ) .
Immigrant groups arrive in Canada under varying circumstances. Some arrive to escape racial, religious intolerance and persecution, while others come for financial reasons in pursuit of a better quality of life. What these immigrants share in common is the "promise and expectation of developing, preserving and administrating their cultural identity" (Akoodie, 1984, p. 253).
For some of these immigrants, movement between societies and cultural contexts which differ in roles and values, can produce immense psychological and interpersonal conflict (Akoodie, 1984; Ballard, 1978; 2
Gosh, 1984; Sue, 1980). Opposing cultural codes,
rules of behavior, role confusion, loss of identity
and value conflict become problematic issues which
may impede the process of psychological adjustment in
the new culture (Levine, 1982). Transitions which
result as a consequence of immigration, represent a
challenge for the individual who must deal with
societal pressures and confront interpersonal
conflicts that accompany such changes (Adler, 1975;
Levy-Warren, 1987; Ramcharan, 1976; Sue, 1982). For
the immigrant the transition is an "inevitable period
of inner turmoil and intense self-consciousness"
(Park, 1928, p. 893).
Within the context of this larger cross-cultural
passage, the individual is faced with other life
transitions such as leaving home, marriage,
separation, and divorce (Schlossberg, Troll, &
Leibowitz, 1978). These life stage shifts, involve
changes in relationship roles which can produce
psychological distress. Within the cross-cultural
context where values, beliefs, and lifestyles clash,
such shifts can sometimes produce dramatic
consequences.
Since social roles provide "templates" for self-
conception, social identities become very important
(Breakwell, 1983). It is the reactions and
expectations of those who are important to the 3
individual that help to establish social identity
(Mead, 1934). These significant others act as
"mirrors" in which a person sees him or herself and
comes to forms his or her social identity (Sullivan,
1953; Mead, 1934; Cooley, 1902). Within the cross-
cultural context where values, beliefs and roles
conflict and demand contrasting responses, the
individual's "social role may demand one course of
action and his or her feelings for another"
(Breakwell, 1983, p. 10). When the individual can no
longer maintain the middle position he or she must
act to eliminate the psychological distress. But when the individual moves in favor of fulfilling
emotional needs he or she may face the risk of losing
his or her social role, social identity and self-
esteem. This typically occurs in the process of
being disowned.
Disownment
Definitional Considerations
Although the term disownment is not frequently
cited in the literature, its selection for the
purpose of this study arises out of popular usage
among the people affected. Disownment is defined as
the "act of disowning or the state of being disowned" 4
(Websters', 1974, p. 653). Disowning consists of two elements: "1) the refusal to acknowledge as belonging to oneself and 2) being dismissed or expelled from society of friends" (Websters', 1976, p. 652).
Disownment is the ultimate threat to one's need to belong and is far more complex than just the dismissal of friendships. The psychological, as well as the social aspects of the experience, warrant greater attention.
According to Branden (1971), an individual can disown aspects of himself or herself in several ways:
1) by repressing thoughts and memories that are regarded as immoral or humiliating; 2) by repressing emotions that conflict with his or her "notion of strength, maturity, sophistication" and sense of control; or by 3) repressing desires and "certain aspects of personality which seem incompatible with the standards of his or her significant others"
(p. 88).
Branden (1971) states that the individual disowns himself or herself in the name of protecting self- esteem. The underlying motive is avoidance of some aspect of reality, particularly thoughts that provoke feelings of rage, pain, frustration and fear.
These emotions are denied or disowned in order to maintain a sense of control in one's life (Welwood,
1983; Kaufman, 1985). 5
Since self-worth is tied to the approval of others, the individual makes certain that his or her behaviors "conform to the moral ideals" of significant others (Branden, 1971, p.88). Out of a misguided effort to achieve personal control and escape the fear of being hurt, the individual denies his or her real needs. Denial of needs and emotions begins in early childhood and extends into "more and more areas of one's emotional life resulting in a progressively deepening sense of self-estrangement"
(Branden, 1971, p. 34). Branden (1971), states that
"one does not destroy an emotion by refusing to feel it or to acknowledge it, one merely disowns a part of oneself" (p.34).
By disowning emotions that are perceived as threatening, the individual "diminishes his or her sense of self and induces feelings of self alienation" (Braden, 1971, p.50). Disowning aspects of the self limits development and "demands a consistent expenditure of energy" (Ewen, 1984, p.40).
According to Branden (1971), "it is not the unwanted feelings that sabotage healthy functioning but the denial and the unwillingness to experience acknowledgement of those feelings" (p.121). The consequence of denying feelings, positive or negative, is the impoverishment of one's sense of identity. The paradox is that by blocking negative 6 feelings the individual in turn blocks his or her capacity to experience pleasurable feelings as well.
According to Kaufman (1985), "emotional conflicts characterized by anxiety or shame are generated first in significant human relationships" particularly those in the family (p. 89). He states "we are taught to disown those parts of the self inside us which are disowned by significant others" (Kaufman
1985, p. 96). So, while acceptable parts remain at the level of awareness, disowned parts which result
In feelings of shame and guilt experienced in having failed expectations become repressed. "Contained in shame is the piercing awareness of ourselves as fundamentally deficient in some vital way (Kaufman,
1985, p. 8). By disowning parts of self that create unwanted feelings of shame, the individual learns to cope. This strategy of disowning, works effectively until sudden or unexpected events create "fresh encounters with shame" (Kaufman, 1985, p. 103).
Kaufman states that a number of factors may influence the intensity of the experience. These include: (1) importance of the part of self that has been exposed or shamed; (2) significance of other individuals' involved in the shaming; (3) how the shame was experienced - publicly or privately; (4) repetitiveness of the shaming; and (5) capacity of the individual to tolerate the shame (Kaufman, 1985, 7 p. 9). When the internal contradictions become too unmanageable the individual can no longer deny repressed feelings. In owning his or her emotional self, the individual runs the risk of threatening valued relationships. Especially if owning one's self threatens the group of significant others
(Breakwell, 1983). Either way, disowning aspects of one self and being disowned by significant others affects self-esteem and identity (Branden, 1971;
Breakwell, 1983).
According to Adler (1975) movement into different environmental experiences produce varying forms of personality disintegration. The disintegration effects deeper levels of affect and is intensely experienced. For individuals living in two cultural spheres, group versus individual interests and pressures to conform to cultural and social norms allow little room for individual expression. As the person struggles to make sense of this or her experience as a unique individual and as an obligated member of the family, confusion, frustration and depression are experienced. Characteristics
Disownment as a phenomenon does not appear to be restricted to any one specific cultural group.
Whenever an individual deviates from the norm he or she may experience some aspect of being shunned or disowned. Whatever the precipitating cause (whether its choice of sexual preference, intermarriage, abortion, difference in beliefs, divorce, or changing one's faith), the experience of total and complete separation from significant others effects the individual profoundly. Degree of disownment depends on the severity of the particular situation and upon the importance placed on the act by the group of individuals engaging in the separation. Value conflict, cultural contradictions, group versus individual needs, role expectations, and self individuation appear to be central to the experience
(Hostetler, 1980). Disownment is often the last resort or action taken by the family and by the community, to make their position clear to the individual (Breakwell, 1983).
Being disowned can be experienced in a variety of ways: at the personal, interpersonal, family and community level. Disownment can lead to confusion, alienation, and depression (Hostetler, 1980; Branden,
1941). Prior to the separation, the individual may experience isolation, rejection, helplessness, low self-esteem and depression. Friends and family members may coerce the individual to not break rules or over-step boundaries. Pressure to conform to social norms may be used to remind the individual of his or her duty to the family, the community and society as a whole.
Being disowned can be a stressful, if not traumatic, experience for some individuals. Only by investigating the experience of people who have been personally disowned can we achieve insight into the underlying issues and problems. In doing so, understanding can be achieved and lead to the development of models to assist individuals faced with such realities. To date, no such models exist.
Statement of the Problem
It was found through the author's clinical counselling experience that both men and women were being disowned. Full extent of this social problem was realized when a young woman was referred for counselling. Although a solid understanding of the
Indo-Canadian cultural background of the client was gained there were questions that still remained unanswered: What types of coping strategies do successful adapters employ? How can professionals 1 0 help clients make adjustments to such experiences?
What are the main events that lead to the disownment?
What type of role does the family, extended family and the community play in the disownment? What are the gains and the losses to the individual? And finally, what factors facilitate or hinder the adjustment process?
Recognizing that there were other individuals sharing similar experiences and seeking professional help, the need for the following study became evident. Review of the literature revealed that little research had been conducted on disownment within specific cultural groups. Lack of information on the subject, coupled with the increased reporting of this phenomenon, suggested the need for such research. Given the exploratory nature of the study, this investigation focuses on disownment as it is experienced by one specific group: Indo-Canadian women.
Indo-Canadian Women
Although Indo-Canadian women share a common historical and cultural heritage, they represent different religious, cultural, and social backgrounds. Their social and economic adaptation in
Canadian society is based on the "socio-economic, 11 educational, and occupational level of their husbands" (Ghosh, 1984, p.329). Integration into mainstream Canadian society is an individual process with education being the single contributing factor to their success (Ghosh, 1984).
For many of these women, the struggle is not an easy one. Influenced by the prevailing social norms of South East Asia, Indo-Canadian women remain conscious of their roles and the status that accompanies them (Ghosh, 1984). The sharp contrast between South Asian and Canadian value systems is compounded by "intimidation, differential treatment, and sexist attitudes both in the larger society and within their own group" (Ghosh, 1984, p. 328).
For women occupying the marginal space between two cultural systems, the conflict can become quite distressing (Bharati, 1983). Adjustment may become disruptive and lead to personal disorganization
(Levine, 1982). As women come to an understanding of their identity they may experience ambivalence, guilt, anger, and lack of self-confidence (Ballard &
Ballard, 1977). Parental and social expectations, conflicting group loyalties and pressures to conform place stress not only on the individual but on the family group (Ray, 1983). The transitional position that these women find themselves in "poses threats to 1 2
[their] traditional identities" and for some women it
can lead to disownment (Weinrelch, 1983, p.149).
Objectives of The Study
With the ever changing multicultural nature of
Canadian society there is a growing need for
literature on cross-cultural issues and concerns,
especially regarding how it affects the individual.
The main objective of this investigation is to begin
filling in the existing gap in literature by:
1) providing a detailed description of the phenomenon
of disownment, 2) contributing to the understanding
of the issues underlying the experience of
disownment; and 3) from the data, build models and
develop theory that would be beneficial to cross-
cultural counselors and educators. Although the
focus in this study is on one specific experience
(that of disownment) within one specific group (in
this case Indo-Canadian women), this study is necessary for increasing knowledge and understanding
of transitional experiences arising out of
immigration. 1 3
Definition of Terms
Community:
Refers to the religious and ethnic community to which the individual belongs.
Extended Family:
Includes relatives through the family of origin and relations through the in-laws.
Family:
"Husband, wife and their children, whether dwelling together or not" (Random House, 1975).
Indo-Canadian:
An individual originating from the Indian sub• continent. From any one of the following groups: Sikhs, Hindus, Pakistanis, Moslems, Ismalis, and Tamils (to name a few). Each group is distinct in its own dialect, religion, and social mores.
Mainstream Society:
Canadian society distinctly North American in its values and ideology.
Overview
Having outlined the nature of the problem in chapter one, the following chapter examines relevant literature pertaining to disownment as a concept and provides an examination of studies related to manifestations of this experience. Also presented is an overview of Indo-Canadian cultural characteristics that provides a background to disownment. is also presented. The third chapter outlines methodological 14 procedures, issues and concerns of the study.
Analysis of the results is in chapter four, while the summary, limitations of the study, directions for further research, and implications for counselling are discussed In chapter five. 1 5
Chapter II
Review of the Literature
In this chapter, three main topics are investigated. These include: 1) theoretical considerations; 2) the concept of disownment as expressed in other cultures; and 3) a discussion of the cultural variables which give shape to disownment within the Indo-Canadian community.
Theoretical Considerations
With regard to the transitional experience of immigration, Park (1928) states that the "conflict of cultures as it takes place in the mind of the immigrant is just the conflict of the divided self"
(p. 892). It is the conflict between "the old self and the new" (Park, 1928, p. 892). Central to the conflict are inconsistent and conflicting values; search for ethnic identification; group versus individual needs; self-esteem; identity; and cultural conflict. Threats to the individual, the family, and the community are evident in the conflict that is experienced (Breakwell, 1983; Cahn, 1987; Sue, 1981). 1 6
Value Conflict
For individuals that move between two different cultures, it is not surprising that values clash dramatically. Movement across cultures, places the individual in a vulnerable position. Since cultural values define what should be constant in society
(such as: knowledge, opinion and beliefs about the environment and about oneself) exposure to two different value systems creates internal inconsistency or what Festinger refers to as:
"cognitive dissonance" (Festinger, 1957). The inconsistency results in psychological discomfort and this distress serves as a motivator for the individual to reduce and eliminate the discomfort that is experienced. What the individual thus strives for is consistency between what he or she knows, believes, and does (Lecky, 1961). The difficulty experienced in reconciling value conflicts is effectively illustrated in the variety of ways in which people adjust to conflicting cultural demands.
Identification
In his research on Asian Americans, Sue (1980) outlines three distinct ways in which people cope with value conflicts. One alternative is to remain 1 7
loyal to the ethnic group, retaining traditional values and living up to the roles and expectations of
the parents. By conforming to the norms, standards, and values of the traditional family, the individual who brings honor to the family name is able to overcome any internal inconsistencies (Thompson,
1974 ).
The second alternative is to become overly
Westernized by rejecting traditional values. This individual prides him or her self in the ability to acculturate into the mainstream American society.
Often forced to reject the Asian side of the self, the individual is ashamed of anything that acts as a reminder of the denied identity. Refusal to accept his or her ethnicity may consequently lead to racial
self hatred and an identity crisis. The individual may become contemptuous of traditional customs, values, behaviors and even hate his or her own physical appearance. Since the individual cannot completely rid him or herself of traditional ways and cannot accept them as consistent with his or her belief system, the person is unable to move beyond the marginal space between the two (Sue, 1980).
The third alternative does not reflect such extremes. In this group, the individual rebels against parental authority, but moves on to developing an identity that allows for the 18 reconciliation of cultural heritage with the present situation. The individual attains self pride in his or ethnic and cultural identity (Sue, 1980).
As evidenced by the examples outlined by Sue
(1980), identification with the ethnic group is dependent upon degree of acculturation (Westwood &
Massey, 1976). The individual may: 1) have some identification with both groups that he or she moves between, or 2) choose to remain highly identified with his or her group of origin or 3) become highly acculturated to the broader culture. Whatever decision the individual makes, the choice affects the family as well as the community (Sue, 1973).
According to Keyes (1981), a person's choice of identification reveals that ethnicity is salient only as far as it serves to orient the individual's pursuit of personal interests. The socio-cultural milieu that is selected influences and shapes the personality of the individual (DeVos, Marsella & Hsu,
1985; LeVine, 1982). Those who attempt to simultaneously incorporate values from two diverse cultures must not only learn to conform to expectations of both societies, but at some point effectively resolve the conflict for themselves. 1 9
Group Versus Individual Needs
The struggle for the individual is really a
conflict of needs. While on the one hand he or she
feels the need for group membership, belongingness
and relating to others, the struggle for developing
self-identity independent of the group, creates
psychological and social tensions. According to
Fromm (1941) the need for being connected, that is to
"engage in meaningful relationship with others
encompasses the need for security, belonging and
feeling as one with the group" (p. 22). Sharing
interests and life situations provides the basis for
loyalty and sense of community. Affiliation with the
group provides the individual with information about:
the nature of the world (i.e., personal assumptions,
attitudes, beliefs, emotional expression, and
behavioral patterns) (Bowlby, 1980).
While emotional and psychological support of the
family fills basic needs for security and belonging,
it may not allow movement towards personal growth.
Conflicting pressures for belongingness and uniqueness become problematic. In societies where
"respect, deference to authority, and group
cohesiveness" are more highly valued than individual pursuits, individual interests must take a secondary position (Roshi, 1983, vii). 20
Self-Esteem and Identity
Self-esteem is tied to one's culture and sense of personal, social and ethnic identity (Adler, 1963;
Erickson, 1965). Self-esteem involves personal efficacy and a sense of personal worth (Branden,
1971). It is established and sustained through interaction with significant others (Kaufman, 1985;
Laing, 1969; Cahn, 1987; Rogers, 1961; Mead, 1968).
Laing (1969) states, "each person is always acting upon and acted upon by others . . . [and that all]
. . . identities require another in and through a relationship with whom self-identity [can be] actualized" (p. 102). Recognition of one's identity by others provides a feeling of self-worth and confirmation of one's presence (Cahn, 1987; Laing,
1969). Roshi (1983) states, "identity is rooted both in wholeness of self and belonging or identification with others" (p. vii).
Mead (1937) reports that individuals learn to interpret the world as others do in order to be accepted. Reactions and expectations of those who are important to us represent templates for our behaviour. These significant others are important to the establishment of social identities or social roles which provide a sense of self (Breakwell, 21
1983). Core roles are basically those that concern our identities and can either confirm, disconfirm or reject self-concept (Cahn, 1987).
Cahn (1987) reports that personal worth and relationship satisfaction depend upon the individuals capacity to understand others. "Communication produces perceptions of being understood" (Cahn,
1987; p. '5). Perceived understanding of significant others is important to the validation of self (Laing,
1969; Cahn, 1987). According to Cahn (1987),
"messages received from others can either confirm or deny mutual perceived understanding and self-concepts
(p. 30). Cahn, (1987) outlines three types of interpersonal communication. These include:
1) confirmation of self characterized by acceptance, and feelings of being understood; 2) disconfirmation of self which involves neither acceptance or rejection of self and 3) rejection of self.
Communication thus becomes central to feelings of personal worth, being understood, and validated.
Cultural Conflict
Individuals who identify with two contrasting or conflicting social groups experience psychological distress (Sue, 1973, 1980; LeVine, 1982). The
"duality of cultures produces a duality of personality or a divided self" (Stonequist, 1937,
p. 217). For individuals occupying transitional
positions in society redefinitions of self and
identity become special concerns (Weinreich, 1983).
Social roles based on cultural values and beliefs
can have a positive or negative affect on self-
esteem. For individuals moving in and out of two
cultural worlds, conflicting social roles can greatly
affect self-concept and identity. This conflict is
heightened by cross-cultural differences in rules
that govern and regulate interpersonal relationships.
Differences in communication styles create problems
in the areas of intimacy, friendship, and marriage
(Cahn, 1987). For the marginal individual caught in
the conflict of cultural differences, the dilemma is
basically one of "harmonizing and integrating the
various selves so that a stable character and a
meaningful inner life can be achieved" (Stonequist,
1937, p. 216).
According to Sue (1980) the individual attempts
to alleviate the stress by opting for total
assimilation or by electing to reject cultural values
of the mainstream in favor of those of her ethnic
group. Pressures to conform places stress upon the
individual and the group (Ray, 1984). Walker and
Heyns (1967) state, "in a situation where conformity
is instrumental to the satisfaction of one need and 23 non-conformity is instrumental to the satisfaction of another, the behavior that will occur depends on the relative strengths of the two needs"(p.93). The dualism is the most evident when the "individual's social role demands one course of action and his or her feelings call for another." (Breakwell, 1983, p. 10). Thoughts, feelings, actions, or experiences which challenge the individual's personal or social
Identity and self-esteem are perceived by the individual as threats (Breakwell, 1983; Branden,
1981). Thus anything which attacks self-esteem becomes a consequent threat to identity.
Threats to Identity
Breakwell (1983) reports, a "threat cannot be defined in terms of what is, only in terms of what it does" (p. 192). Threats to self esteem include:
1) attacking the individual; 2) attacking the individual's group membership; and 3) attacking the individual's group (Breakwell, 1983). The source of threat can be "the individual, other people, or the material world" (Breakwell, p.15). How the individual interprets the threat and gives meaning to it is based on the person's perceived understanding of the threat and upon other people's understanding of the threat. Breakwell (1983) states that the response to threats to Identity can take different forms. The individual can: 1) invalidate the threat by reinterpreting the information contained in the threat; 2) reconstruing identity by integrating the information to maintain consistent with self- evaluation; 3) physically moving away to evade the threat; or 4) by doing nothing (inertia) (p. 17).
According to Breakwell (1983), "threats to the identity of a group and threats to the identity of its members are never independent" (p. 25). Any
"objective challenge to the power of the group can be regarded as a threat to identity" (p. 24). The individual feels threatened if his or her "positive social identity is based upon that group membership"
(Breakwell, 1983, p. 23). Therefore, when the group is attacked the individuals self-esteem is also attacked. Another way in which the group can affect self-esteem is by denying the individual assess to the group whose membership he or she prizes highly.
In the case of disownment, the individual is denied access to the group. His or her social identity is called into question. Significant others are no longer available to validate the self. Social roles that once provided meaning and structure become lost. For the disowned individual this discontinuity produces psychological distress. Called into 25
question are the individual's self-esteem, social and personal identity. The family and the community also experience loss.
Threat To The Individual
For the disowned person who is denied access to the community that fulfills the need for ethnic validation, isolation is experienced. Ethnic denial leads to a feeling of insecurity and inferiority which inadvertently affects self concept and
"personal identity" (Hitch, 1983; Kitwood, 1983).
Separation from significant others is intensified by feelings of distress, anxiety, and tension associated with the loss of intimacy and social and ethnic validation. The breakdown of significant relationships creates the most damage because they affect the core of the individual's personality
(Altman & Taylor, 1973). Loss of these relationships threaten's role identities that are unique to the individual. The "destruction of social identities" through the collapse of significant relationships
"undermine valued support for self-validation" (Duck
& Lea, 1983, p. 70).
For the individual who is confronted with the fear of disownment or who has already been disowned, psychological costs run high. Exclusion and denial 26 of one's existence by others can produce depression, alienation, loss of self-esteem, and discomfirmation of self. "Emptiness and futility arise when the
[individual] is accorded no recognition by other, and if he feels he is not able to make any difference to anyone" (Laing, 1969; p. 17). Once inclusion and the experience of having something in common with others is denied, the individual looses the markers for interaction with others, that help define the self (DeVos, Marsella, & Hsu, 1985). Expulsion from friends and family produces guilt, shame and immense grief. Denial of affiliation rights and privileges isolates the individual and leaves the person feeling vulnerable and depressed. Isolation and social rejection impact on self-esteem and physical health.
"Frustration becomes despair when the person begins to question his or her own capacity to mean anything to anyone" (Laing, 1969; p. 69).
Threat to the Family
The cost of loosing one of its members impacts upon the family profoundly. Pressures to keep the members from engaging in inappropriate behavior may initially lead to coercion, gossip, emotional, or physical abuse on the part of family members. Family group interests that are in conflict with the 27 individual's need for self expression and personal fulfillment may consequently lead to a division within the family and create a volatile family atmosphere. Threat to family cohesion, traditional values, and group interests produce immense stress on the family system. To alleviate the stress the individual that introduces the threat of change may he eliminated. This action is not only for the benefit of the challenger but also serves as a reminder for other family members (Hostetler, 1980;
Branden, 1971).
Threat To The Community
The social costs to the community and society vary depending on the value of its individual members
(Aronson, 1980). If cultural identity and survival of traditional values are threatened, then pressure to keep group membership consistent and growing becomes imperative. Survival of the community becomes the focus of attention and familial group effort. Without the support of all the members, the community would not survive within the broader society (Hostetler, 1980). 28
Examples From Other Cultures
Examples from other cultures reveal that disownment is not a new phenomenon. Labels such as shunning, expulsion, excommunication, abandonment, and loss of face have been used to describe similar experiences to disownment. What is common across all these experiences is the loss of emotional, familial and community supports that challenge the individual's sense of self and emotional well being
(Hostetler, 1980). Degree of disownment depends upon the severity of the particular situation, the impact that the action has on significant others, and the meaning that it carries for the individual.
Shunning
Shunning, a Mennonite practice, excludes individuals from social interaction with members of a church congregation who have been censured for some serious infraction. In the Amish community, shunning or Meidung is practiced against members who: 1) leave the Amish Church to join another; or 2) marry outside the brotherhood. The primary purpose of shunning is to prevent members of the community from entering other religious groups and slipping into mainstream society (Hostetler, 1980). 29
As a means of social, cultural, and religious
control shunning would not he effective without the
support of the entire community. The rules
explicitly state that: 1) members receive no favors
from the shunned person; 2) members do not buy from
or sell to this individual; 3) no members, including
the family, eat at the same table with the
individual; and finally, the individual must suspend
any existing marital relations (Hostetler, 1980).
Bann
Prior to shunning, the individual exists in a
state of bann. The person is notified of the expulsion in advance. Once the individual has been informed of the offense he or she becomes an outcast,
"rejected by God and man" (Hostetler, 1980). The seriousness of the offense of breaking with tradition produces immense pressures on the individual and presents a strain on the relationship of the family within the community. Bann and shunning function as instruments of social control disciplining members to not overstep boundaries, and provide effective means of dispensing with offenders that threaten the livelihood of the community and the existence of the church (Hostetler, 1980). 30
Loss of Face
For many of the Eastern societies, one's role in the family and in the community are explicitly stated. Code of ethics, social mores, and filial piety are representative of Eastern cultural traditions. Implicit and explicit rules of conduct provide the framework within which the individual's behaviour is governed. Since the emphasis is on the group, relationships are highly valued (Okabe, 1983).
Understanding that the respect of the individual is intrinsically enmeshed with relationships in the family, loss of individual respect impacts upon the honor of the family as a whole (Kornfield, Ram Das &
Miyuki, 1983; Hsu, 1985). Loss of face for the individual in the eyes of the parents, family, extended family and in the community is considered a fate worse than death. While loss of face is an extreme reaction to the offensive actions, the fear of the loss of face serves as an effective means of discipline, social control, and ensures the maintenance of social, cultural, and religious traditions. 31
Sitting Shiva
In Jewish tradition, an individual who for
personal reasons feels reluctant to perform his or
her duty" Is disqualified from participating in
religious services (Donin, 1972, p. 201). One of the most serious violations is marriage with a person who
is not of the Jewish faith. By violating the act of marriage, through a mixed marriage, the very
"foundations of the Jewish marriage and its purposes
[become] absent" (Donin, 1972, p. 291). According to
Donin (1972), "if the home is weak, emotionally,
morally, and spiritually [then all of] Jewish life
and all its religious, educational, social
institutions mirror that weakness" (p. 121). Because
mixed marriages threaten the core foundation of the
Jewish faith, individuals who marry outside risk
exclusion from the Jewish community. The individual
brings dishonor to his or her family and to the
community as a whole. Separation from the individual
can be so complete that mourning may be expressed by
the act of sitting Shiva which is customarily used to
mourn the dead.
To summarize, disownment serves as instrument of
social control. By terminating an association with
the individual that threatens existing values,
traditions, beliefs, and social norms the group is able to keep members in control. The fear of disownment, excommunication, or Meidung is effective in inducing conformity among group members
(Hostetler, 1980). Because rules are so explicitly stated, any offense that is contemplated must be given serious deliberation. Knowing that when boundaries are overstepped they must be overstepped beyond the point of no return, the individual must ponder upon the prospect of living a marginal existence (Hall, 1981; Stonequist, 1937). According to Stonequist (1937), a marginal person is "one whom fate has condemned to live in two societies and in two not merely different but antagonistic cultures"
(p. iii). Motivation for breaking away from traditional values are multiple and varied. Some of these include: lack of personal fulfillment; absence of self-expression and control; individual needs; freedom of choice; and desire for expression of self- interest (Hostetler, 1980). Cultural contradictions, role expectations, and the presence of alternative choices, are central to the marginal shift when it does occur. When the individual moves in favor of owning his or her emotions, needs, and desires he or she is faced with the threat of being disowned by significant others.
The degree of disownment is greatly influenced by the voluntary or involuntary aspect of the 33 disownment. The individual may choose to voluntarily
leave the group or will be told that he or she can
longer belong. Loss of significant others, a shift
in reality system, confusion of identity, and group
loyalties may produce disbelief, shock, and disorientation. While some compromises are made in
the process of adjustment, loss of meaning and
intimacy derived vis-a-vis others can be the most
significant loss of all.
Cultural Context
In order to fully appreciate the complexity of
the experience of disownment, a closer examination of
the particular group studied in this research is presented. The following discussion of the Indo-
Canadian familial and cultural context is not meant
to be an exhaustive description but a presentation of
the more salient aspects of the cultural and social
spheres that gives shape to this phenomenon.
Bi-Cultural Context
Hall's (1981) distinction between "high context" and "low context" cultures is a useful concept for putting into perspective the two cultural systems that are instrumental in shaping the experience of disownment. By definition, a "high context" culture is one which reflects a high degree of involvement with relationships and stresses the importance of the context of events in which relationship occur. "Low context" cultures on the other hand are characteristically individual, goal oriented and focused on ideas rather than on events. "Low context" cultures are mainly concerned with material things and stress the importance of the message rather than on the context. While both high and low context cultural systems have their strengths and weaknesses, the sharp contrast between attitudes, values, beliefs, norms and social mores can be disorienting for the person moving between the two.
Movement between these systems creates conflict and can result in depression, and a sense of not belonging to either one of these spheres.
The culture to which the majority of Indo-
Canadians adhere, regardless of its various subgroups, fit within Hall's (1981) definition of a
"high context" culture. Importance is placed upon relationships in the family, extended family and the community. The family unit is highly valued, and children are taught to respect and honor relationships of authority (Ballard & Ballard, 1977;
Das & Bardis, 1979). In this context, a great deal of time and energy is expended in building and 35 maintaining action chains around relationships (Hall,
1982 ).
Since the purpose of the system is to maintain, support, and enhance family bonds, change is perceived as threatening to the family structure. In order to protect bonds, implicit as well as explicit cultural codes ensure that hierarchies of control within the family network are not threatened or disrespected. Because bending or breaking relationships have costs attached, "boundaries when they are crossed must be overstepped so far that there is no turning back" (Hall, 1982, p. 127).
The high context cultural background of Indo-
Canadians is concerned primarily with maintaining and enhancing investment in interrelationships. In contrast, Canadian culture closely approximates a
"low context" culture, one which is largely oriented towards the pursuit of ideas, things, and personal goals (Hall, 1981). In this context, individual choice, control over one's affairs, achievement, and success are emphasized over collective gain. This system is less bound by duty, obligation, respect and honor of familial ties and more directive in terms of individual achievement and independence. Self- reliance, individualism and personal control are characteristics of this system (Sue, 1980). The clash is essentially between the 'self and the 36
'collective' between two cultural spheres.. In the
next section a brief outline of one specific group is
presented. It is not presented as a exhaustive
description and therefore must be read with
discretion.
Indo-Canadian Cultural Context
The Family
The family plays a significant role in the life
of the individual. It provides security, belonging,
and a sense of identity. The family mediates between
the individual members and the external society. The
family is the chief socializing agent for the
individual. Through the family, he or she learns
about male female roles, ideology of the caste, the
community, religion, explicit values, beliefs, and
cultural traditions (Leaf, 1972). The family essentially controls marriage and economic resources,
determines the lifestyle of the individual, and provides the background for nearly all decisions and
actions that give definition to individual status
(Leaf, 1972). The family is instrumental in shaping
the individual's personality and identity.
Individual respect is intrinsically tied to family
respect and is inseparable from the family. 37
Extended Family
The extended family serves a variety of functions. Characterized by intimacy, restraint in
social relations, mutual assistance, and enduring relationships the extended family limits social mobility and social changes by binding individuals together (Das & Bardis, 1979; Zimmerman & Urnitran,
1975). The advantage of the extended family system
is that it diffuses dependency among a greater number of relatives and allows many members to pool their economic and social resources. For those who
initiate their own independence, the price of nonconformity is high. In the extended family
system, the only individual considered complete is
the married adult. Similar to the family of origin,
the respect and honor of the individual reflects upon the reputation of the extended family (Zimmerman &
Urnitran, 1975).
Family Obligations
While the family is important to the individual, the members are equally important to the preservation of the family. Without its members, the family would not function efficiently. By providing economic security, emotional support, and resources to draw upon the individual's need for security, belongingness, and personal dignity are fulfilled.
Keeping its members happy and content, the family fulfills its obligation to its members who in turn work for the benefit of the group as a whole.
Consequently, individual members remain "very conscious of the bonds of duty and affection within the family" (Ramcharan, 1982, p. 45).
Respect, Status, and Power
One of the most important values and most directly related to disownment of family members is that of respect. Reputation and honor are emotionally laden issues which govern every action of the family members. Wealth, prestige, status, and power enhance the respect of the family name. Status and power are crucially important for Indo-Canadians.
Status is given expression in relationships with people. The status is not of the individual per se but of the individual as a representative of the larger collective - that of caste and family (Leaf,
1972). For most Indo-Canadians, protection and increase in status are primary concerns. Status depends on one's caste membership and on the position of one's family relative to other families of the same caste (Leaf, 1972). While the status of the caste is fixed, the status of the family remains mobile. Two factors which determine the status of the family include: 1) "the power it can command
based upon the wealth, industry, courage, and
generosity of its male members" and 2) "on the
chastity and reputation of its female members" (Leaf,
1972, p. 192).
Given the degree of importance placed upon the
status of the family, a great deal of energy is
expended in protecting one's family status, and
engaging in activities which in turn raise status
further. According to Leaf (1972), status can be
increased by: (1) acquiring more land and wealth;
(2) Increasing the number of friends and
acquaintances to include prestigious and powerful
individuals, thereby increasing the sphere of
influence; or (3) preventing the occurrence of
"frivolous or elicit sexual relations" of female
family members (Leaf, 1972, p.97).
Striving for status is mediated within the
context of the family and the extended family. The
security system provided by the family and the caste helps the individual control sexual impulses thereby
striving for the goal of the group collective (which essentially is that of status). Since the family is
the crucial unit in Indo-Canadian society,
individuals live according to the rules and
regulations laid down by parents and enforced by the authority of elders. Given that relatives 40 participate in most events and major decisions in one's life, the individual does not have available to him or her the experiences necessary in developing a clear conception of the self (Leaf, 1972). Lack of self conception is related to the absence of decision-making opportunities in the areas of education, occupation, and marriage. Since parents make the decisions and relatives participate in the decision making process, the role that family and the extended family becomes crucial.
Significant Relationships
Since "relationships can do everything for one or against one", they become a valuable resource not only for the maintenance of existing relationships but also for the development of new social relationships through marriage (Pettigrew, 1972, p. 351). Relationships established by marriage provide strategic links between families.
Relationships provide resources for influence and accumulation of wealth and power. Money can also alter the status of the family vis-a-vis others.
Wealth enables the family to raise its position by achieving relationships with other families of equal or greater status. 41
Authority and Decision-Making
In Indo-Canadian tradition, the eldest male
possesses authority over the household. He is
bestowed with respect, loyalty, and deference.
Decision-making in the area of financial matters, marriage and discipline of children are part of his
role in maintaining a well respected family. While women make the day to day decisions, the major ones
are made by the male members of the family (Das &
Bardis, 1979). Authority is allocated to age and sex with males having greater authority over females
(Brah, 1978).
Status of Women
Within the context of the family, women play
important roles as daughters and as wives (Dhanjal,
1976). For women the focus of concern has been the family rather than the individual self. Since the complete adult is considered to be the married
individual, the status of a married women exceeds that of a single women despite age differences.
"Marriage is considered so essential that without it a women's life is considered blighted" (Kishwar,
1987, p.4).
Women are also responsible for maintaining the reputation of the family. Families raise their 42 daughters on the assumption that they will eventually marry. Efforts are made by all members of the extended family and community to ensure that women perform in good standing in their roles as daughters, wives, and as daughter-in-laws. Their roles not only uphold the status of the family they leave behind, but further add to the respect and honor of the new family they join (Dhanjal, 1976).
In the Indo-Canadian society, males continue to maintain preferential status over women. Unlike some males who are perceived to be precious commodities, daughters are assumed to be a burden (Kishwar, 1987).
Since women eventually leave their family home and become members in the household of their husband's family, they are considered a liability in that they do not contribute to the economic success of their family of origin.
Dowry
The dowry is the only source of wealth that the woman receives from her family. When the woman enters her husband's family, wealth in the form of inheritance from the family of origin does not accompany her. Although gold and other jewelry were traditionally recognized as the woman's personal security, the dowry essentially functions as a
"transfer of wealth from men of one family to those of another, with the women acting as the vehicles of transfer" (Kishwar, 1987, p. 6). As tokens of respect, the dowry is a public acknowledgement of male status and family honor, not an investment in the girl's future (Verghese, 1985). The dowry not only only enhances the status of both the groom's parents and the bride's family, it further defines a
"power relation between the man and the woman"
(Kishwar, 1987, p. 10).
Education
With the increase in economic pressures, women are encouraged towards higher education and employment. Education not only increases the attractiveness of the women but also raises the status of the family. However, for women, educational and professional interests still remain secondary to marriage. The underlying belief is that a "daughter is never considered settled if she is not married, not even if she has a well paid, high status
Job" (Kishwar, 1987, p. 4).
Courtship
Given that "boundaries of communal affiliation are sharply drawn" and that marriage between individuals is really a union of families of equal or 44 higher status, courtship becomes a socially disapproved custom. Contact between members of the opposite sex is discouraged and dating incurs censorship from the family as well as from the community as a whole. Strong identification with family respect or isat is a powerful deterrent for those contemplating dating, particularly for women.
Love or prem is perceived as illusory and impermanent
(Fruzzeti, 1982). While sex is considered an integral part of marriage it is not seen as the immediate or the ultimate aim of the marital union.
Continuation of the male line is the primary aim of marriage and the focal concern of the marital alliance (Fruzzeti, 1982).
Marriage
According to the traditional concept of the Indo-
Canadian marriage, marriage is an alliance between two families rather than a relationship between an individual man and woman. Arranged by the family, individual interests become subordinate to the goal of the family that of securing status and maintaining or enhancing its reputation. The woman has little choice in deciding the terms and conditions of the marriage. In fact, it is the "socioeconomic status 45 and power of brothers, uncles, grandparents,and cousins, that play an important role in determining the outcome of the marriage negotiations" (Kishwar,
1987, p. 5).
According to this concept of marriage, love is not perceived to be the basis for mate selection
(Fruzzeti, 1982). Love marriages create tension for members of both households and their respective kin and therefore, are discouraged arid condemned
(Fruzzeti, 1982). Love marriages are restricted because they not only risk kin and caste ties, but more•importantly they "challenge the male line, members of the line, and relatives in the building of further relationships through subsequent marriages"
(Fruzzeti, 1982, p. 12).
The Marital Relationship
The traditional marital relationship is characterized by male dominance and female dependence. The husband acting as the authoritarian figure dominates the marital relationship. The role of the wife is essentially one of providing service to the husband, family, and the extended family.
Since marriage carries implications for future relations and the honor of the families, permanence of the union is unquestionable (Thompson, 1974). 46
Marriage acts as, the main tie that binds families of similar status and, plays an important role in maintaining boundaries between groups (Leaf,
1972). Inter-caste, inter-religious, and inter• racial marriages do occur occasionally, although they are forbidden. The marital union is viewed as a life long commitment and divorce, although permissible is generally not condoned. Risk of loss of respect for both the individual and the family provide effective deterrents to such actions.
Divorce
When the family, which is the main center of life for the woman does not function effectively, it is the woman that assumes the responsibility for its downfall. A divorced woman who returns to her parent's home is often blamed for the failure of the relationship and is persuaded to return to her husband's home. The family pressure is largely connected to family respect and saving the family from disgrace and shame. "Bearing maltreatment from her husband without letting her parents know of it is not only a duty she owes to him but a duty she owes to her parents who spent so much on the wedding"
(Kishwar, 1987, p. 7). 47
Divorce is strongly disapproved and in some instances tabooed. Given the perception of marriage as a sacrament, divorce is usually sought only as the last resort. A woman clearly acknowledges and understands that the chances of remarriage with a member of her own community will be severely limited if she chooses to leave. She knows that "her world frowns on divorce and carries a stigma far greater than widowhood" (Verghese, 1985, p. 42).
If the woman does not return to her husband's home, she is encouraged to remarry as soon as possible. "Her parents may reluctantly take her back but her foothold in their house remains precarious because she is there on sufferance, not by right unlike the sons" (Kishwar, 1987, p. 7). In such situations women either succumb to family pressures or leave the community altogether (Ballard, 1978).
Once this happens, they become alienated from the extended family, the in-laws, and from their own families (Miller, 1987).
Family Conflict and Problem-Solving
In Indo-Canadian families, conflicts are kept silent and well hidden. Problems are dealt with in the confines of the family. If they are not 48
effectively resolved, extended family members and well respected elders of the community are asked to
act as an audience. Attempts are made to reconcile
differences that threaten relationships and family
honor or isat. Since group interests take precedence
over individual concerns, family cohesiveness becomes
the critical issue and the reputation of the family
is the main focus of attention. For family members,
pressures to conform or risk rejection from parents
and family act as effective means of controlling undesirable behavior. As a last resort, expulsion or
disownment of the person that threatens the status
quo of the family becomes an effective instrument in
controlling the behaviour of the remaining members.
Expulsion and Disownment
When interpersonal conflicts and marital problems
cannot be resolved within the family or the
community, the individual may be expelled. The group
initially exerts strong pressures in hopes of forcing
the Individual to reconcile differences. If the person does not comply to the pressures, he or she is
squeezed out of the community and the ties to other
existing relationships are severed. Consequently,
these individuals become isolated from the community and from each other (Thompson, 1974). Fear of
expulsion from the family becomes a strong factor in
the decision of the individual to pursue self
interests over those of the group.
In review of the Indo-Canadian cultural context,
areas of possible stress and change include marriage,
divorce, and career selection. When cultural rules
and norms are violated, stress is introduced into the
existing network of relationships. If the stress can
be reduced and eliminated through socially acceptable
means of problem-solving, then the system works
effectively. But when the conflict cannot be
resolved through traditional means, transitions such
as marriage, separation or divorce can produce
negative consequences such as disownment.
For women, transitions such as these carry
profound consequences. Separation from significant
others such as parents, siblings, extended family members such as grandparents and cousins including
the in-laws impacts on the individual's sense of self
and emotional well-being. The stigma associated with
being single, or divorced becomes an unshakable marker for life. For women, who cannot remarry, the
community can become a lonely place. Isolated from
friends, family and treated with disrespect in the
community, the number of possible relationships that
the women can enter into are greatly reduced. While 50 the transitional experience is characterized by loss, grief, and mourning for Indo-Canadian women, the experience becomes intensified to an extreme.
Conclusion
Review of the literature on the psychological and social, and cultural variables and examples from other cultures reveal that research on disownment is limited. One possible explanation for this may be the highly emotional aspect of the topic. Clearly, examples from other cultures indicate that disownment does occur and that it definitely serves an important function in disciplining and controlling the actions of family and community members. Only by investigating the experience of individuals who have been disowned, is it possible to achieve greater insight and understanding of the psychological effects. In generating more knowledge about this particular event, the underlying issues and dynamics involved in being disowned can be identified. From the descriptive data, models and theory can be developed that would be beneficial for counsellors and educators. In light of the material reviewed, the next chapter explains the procedures selected to investigate the the experience of disownment. 51
Chapter III
Methodology
Given the exploratory nature of this study, a
qualitative theoretical orientation was chosen
(Bogdan & Biklin, 1982; Hammersley & Atkinson, 1983).
Justification for the selection of a qualitative
design of this type was based upon the objective of
the study: to provide a detailed description of the phenomenon of disownment (Spradley, 1979). This
study focuses on providing knowledge and an increased understanding of the disownment experience. Once the data has been accumulated, models can be developed that would provide professionals with the information necessary in understanding the phenomenon more fully.
Research Design
Interview Format
The open interview was selected as the main form of data collection. Given the highly emotional quality of the experience of disownment, the
interview proved to be the most suitable strategy in obtaining information necessary in generating a more detailed and in-depth account of the event. The objective of the interview was: to discover new knowledge about the subjective and qualitative
aspects of the phenomenon of disownment.
Selection of an open-ended format, was based on
the focus of the study, which in this case was on the
individual's experience within a particular cross-
cultural context. According to Spradley (1979), the
interview technique is useful in uncovering cultural meanings which people use to organize their behavior
and interpret their experience. Analysis of the
interview data involved the search for constituent parts of a culture and the identification of
"relationships among the parts and their relationship to the whole" (Spradley, 1979, p. 92). The process of analysis required that all accounts be examined and "interpreted against the background of the context in which they were produced" (Hammersley &
Atkinson, 1983, p. 126).
Given the emotionally laden content of the subject matter, the interview covered five areas of focus. A non-directive approach in interviewing was chosen with some structure for the interview generated to keep the participants on track.
Attention was given to insuring that the interview remained open-ended so that the women could speak freely of their own disownment experience. 53
Strengths and Weaknesses
Although the interview technique appeared to be
the most suitable one in generating new data,
limitations of the approach were not overlooked. The
interview had some definite advantages as well as
some clear disadvantages. Some of the advantages
included: 1) greater opportunity to supply a more accurate and complete description of the event; 2) opportunity to check for comprehension and provide clarification and interpretation of interview questions, in order to reduce the chance of misunderstanding; 3) flexibility and control of words in the questions; and 4) a greater opportunity to evaluate the importance of the information by observing verbal and non-verbal responses (Gorden,
1980; Williamson, Karp & Dalphin, 1977).
Some of the disadvantages of the interview included: 1) the subject's need to present a desirable self-image; 2) low reliability due to difficulty in replication of the interview; 3) lack of standardization in the interview procedure; and finally, 4) no method to assess the accuracy of information with regard to generalizability.
(Gorden, 1980; Hammersley & Atkinson, 1983;
Williamson, Karp & Dalphin, 1977). Validity
In regard to Interview data, validity refers to the extent "to which data conform to the fact"
(Gordon, 1980, p. 40). That is, how valid are the findings both internally and externally? Internally, what is the ability of the questions to accurately assess the disownment? And externally, to what extent can the results from this particular sample be generalized to other segments of the population?
(Williamson, Karp & Dalphin, 1977, p. 83).
In this study, the threats to validity appeared in: the lack of standardization of the measuring instrument; in data analysis procedures; in the sample sample size; and in the non random selection of subjects in the sampling procedure. Recognizing these threats to validity, the approach was chosen on the basis of providing greater in-depth coverage of the disownment phenomenon. A claim to validity in selecting this type of approach as is reported by
Silverman (1985), "cases are not representative of a population but of some general principal", which in this case is disownment (p. 113). 55
Reliability
Reliability refers to the probability of consistency of results across time under similar settings. Some of the threats to reliability in this study included: 1) the emotional and physical well- being of the participants; 2) variations in the environment, for example the climate and the appearance of the setting; 3) lack of standardization in the measurement procedure; and 4) interviewer bias. For example, the interviewer might have unknowingly biased the results by giving verbal and non-verbal cues or might have introduced some bias in the manner in which the questions were asked and answers probed (Borg and Gall, 1983).
Pilot Study
The interview schedule was developed through three pilot interviews. The first interview schedule followed an open-ended question format. But the second interview had a more focused structure by refining the instrument salient questions began to emerge.
By conducting the pilot study, awareness of other concerns arose such as: the use of formal language during the course of the interviews; the influence of time of day and the environment on the emotional climate of the session; and finally, the threatening nature of some of the questions on the richness, depth, and quality of the data. These issues are later addressed during the data collection phase.
Questions
As previously described, the interview format had open ended-questions with the exception of a few closed-ended questions necessary for obtaining required demographic information. The interview started with open-ended questions with more threatening questions appearing toward the end of the interview. Less threatening questions were placed at the beginning in order to provide an opportunity for the respondent to become comfortable with the interview process (Sudman & Bradburn, 1983). Certain questions were asked to all women to establish some degree of focus across the interviews and to provide a basis for comparison. During the course of the interviews, verbal and non-verbal probes (such as eye contact and smiles) were used to encourage greater disclosure. Active listening, paraphrasing, and summarizing were used to facilitate more in-depth expression of thoughts and feelings (Egan, 1975;
Sudman & Bradburn, 1983). 57
Interview Schedule
The final interview schedule was divided into
five main sections (see Appendix A). The first
section focused on the description of the client's
experience with disownment and the main events that
lead up to the disownment. The second section
focused upon the role of the family, extended family, and other significant individuals. The third section contained questions regarding the personal experience of the individual with regard to gains, losses,
significant learning, and issues of control.
Questions in the fourth section dealt with adjustment, specifically in regard to factors which
facilitated or hindered the adjustment process. The
interview closed with demographic questions and an opportunity for the subject to finish with a
concluding statement.
Subj ects
Subjects for the study were selected on the basis
of their experience of being disowned. In this case,
a non-probability sampling technique, purposive
sampling, was used. This strategy was necessary due
to the emotional and traumatic nature of the experience. Purposive sampling was used to identify and locate individuals that were crucial to the study and could provide information about the relevant issues underlying the experience. Random sampling was not possible due to the limited number of individuals reporting the disownment experience: 1) the availability of women who had experienced some aspect*of disownment; and 2) the willingness of potential subjects to participate on a voluntary basis.
Subjects for the study were contacted through two agencies that deal specifically with immigrant groups. These two agencies were the main sources for potential subjects. Written consent was obtained from both agencies prior to the initial contact with the subjects (see Appendix B). Agency officials approached potential subjects, outlined the purpose of the study, acknowledged the voluntary and confidential aspects of the study, and requested the subjects' participation. Subjects were asked to consider the request before answering and were given the option to contact the researcher. From the eleven women who were contacted only one refused to participate in the study.
The ten female subjects in this study were from the Greater Vancouver area. Nine of the women were
Punjabi Sikhs and one identified herself as Hindu. Six of the women were born in India and the place of birth of the other four were Malaysia, England,
Kenya, and Canada. The age of the subjects ranged from 22 years to 42 years with the average age being in the early 30's. With regard to marital status, four of the women were divorced, three were single, two were separated, and one widowed. Five of the ten women had arranged marriages and two did not. For three of the five women, the arranged marriage was an important issue in the disownment. In only one case the issue of an arranged marriage was not relevant.
Only two of the women in the sample had children.
In terms of occupation, two of the women were homemakers, two unemployed, and the others varied in their field of work: professional librarian,
linguistic interpreter, community worker, secretary, janitor, and sales person. Six of the women had received some level of college or university training either in Canada, India, or Malaysia. Five of the women planned to continue further education. In addition to English, Hindi, and Punjabi some of the other languages spoken by these women were French,
Urdu, Chinese, and Malaysian. 60
The Interview
Setting
Arrangements with regard to interview schedules were discussed and the time and place most suited to the subjects were selected. While some subjects preferred the privacy of their homes, others chose settings that were conveniently more accessible but still provided privacy (such as a room in the referring agency). Depending upon work and personal commitments, the interviews varied anywhere from one hour to one and a half hours.
Rapport Building
In the initial stage of the meeting, the
interviewer shared with the subject the interest in the topic of disownment and the objectives of the study. Questions, concerns, and issues regarding the
interview and the formal written results of the study were addressed. Anonymity and confidentiality concerns were the most salient issues and were discussed at the onset. Subjects were informed of their right to refuse participation and withdraw from the interview if they so desired. 61
Before actually starting the interview, subjects were asked to give written permission to acknowledge their understanding of the purpose of the study (see
Appendix C). In the consent form, subjects were informed that the interviews would be audio-taped.
Again, issues regarding confidentiality were addressed. Subjects were informed that the tapes would be used exclusively for the purpose of the study and that upon completion of the study, the data would be destroyed. Subjects were further told that they had the right to turn the tape off during the interview if they so desired.
Upon completion of the interview, time was taken to debrief the experience, and any concerns that the subjects had after the Interview were addressed.
Some of these included: the fear of disclosing too much personal information; not providing enough information for the benefit of others; and fear of the interviewer breaching confidentiality. Apart from the concerns, all of the subjects welcomed the opportunity to share their experiences.
Data Collection and Analysis
All interviews were audio-taped after written consent was given by the subjects. Audio-taping was chosen as the method of data collection based upon the following factors: 1) taping would eliminate errors in recording data; 2) taping would free the researcher from taking notes thereby creating a conversational atmosphere; and finally, 3) it would provide a more complete description of the experience without any omissions in the data.
The completed interviews were then transcribed and each interview protocol was coded to maintain confidentiality. The transcripts were then read for key statements and repetition of key phrases. Index cards were used to sort, organize, and categorize these key statements into relevant domains.
By definition, a domain is "any symbolic category that includes other categories" (Spradley, 1979, p.
100). As a unit of analysis, each domain has a boundary and a cover term, and is characterized by a semantic relationship between two or more included terms (Spradley, 1979). Analysis of the domains provided an overview of the cultural context in which the phenomenon of disownment was shaped. Rereading the transcripts produced new categories and additional domains. This was done until all categories were exhausted (Spradley, 1979). ;
Within each of the seven domains of inquiry, smaller categories were generated. These categories were derived from the compilation of the key statements. Once the cover terms were generated, the 63 protocols were read again to assess the relevance of the categories. While salient categories were easily identified, some of the smaller ones required more time in sorting and overlapping. In instances where categories were similar in content and meaning, they were combined. Not all of the smaller categories were collapsed so that richness of data and individual differences would not be lost. The rationale behind overlapping or combining categories was to uncover commonalities across individual experiences and to make the data more manageable during the process of analysis.
Ethical Considerations
Recognizing the sensitivity of the experience which gives shape to the phenomenon of disownment, the key factors in the success or failure of the study were confidentiality and anonymity. Verbal and written assurances, although necessary, were not sufficient in and of themselves. What was required in the process of the study rested upon the trust and integrity of the researcher. Ethical considerations were not only issues to contend with at the onset of the study but they needed to be handled throughout the entire process of analysis, discussion and presentation of written results. 64
Chapter IV
Results
The results in this chapter are presented in six parts. These include: 1) events precipitating the disownment; 2) the contextual background which includes a discussion of the role of the family and the community; 3) effects of disownment on the individual; 4) the contributing factors of disownment that can facilitate or hinder the adjustment process;
5) coping strategies employed by the individual; and finally 6) how the individual perceives the significance of the event.
Events Precipitating Disownment
Review of the data reveals that a variety of events can lead to disownment. Some of these include: communication problems characterized by perceptions of not being understood, conflicting role expectations, individual personal differences, and familial and social expectations. While some events were more salient than others, there was clearly no one single cause. It appears that several factors interacted with each other and produced the eruptive shift. For eight of the subjects, lack of communication in their marital relationships, in the family, with the in-laws and the extended family was a major issue
(for example, reports of not being understood and thoughts and feelings of being devalued in the process of communication) . These women felt that they were not being heard or understood in these relationships. As one women stated: "Every day was a nightmare - lack of communication, our inability to express ourselves and to approach each other."
Other factors that appeared to be quite salient were: 1) the fear and threat of an arranged marriage; 2) cultural differences around dating and premarital sex; and 3) role expectations as dutiful wives and daughters. These factors were relevant for four of the women who were raised in Canada. For these four women mainstream, Canadian values, ideals, and lifestyles clashed with the traditional aspects of the Indo-Canadian culture.
What was common for all ten women, regardless of the specific precipitating event, was that at one point they all decided not to return to their previous roles. The decision to leave not to remarry and not to agree to an arranged marriage were all personal decisions. The severity of the disownment varied in relationship to the amount of control these women perceived themselves as having in the decision- 66 making process. All ten women reported surprise at the impact their decision had on themselves and others.
Contextual Background
Review of the seven domains reveal that disownment arises and unfolds in the context of the family, the extended family and the community. The event is given shape and meaning in relationship to significant others. The high context of the cultural background which stress the importance of relationships is evident in the following statement by one of the women in the study:
It is an adult oriented society. Your duties are towards adults. It is an extended sort of family. Your duties are towards each other. Then your self is lost.
Role of the Nuclear Family
For the married women in the sample, the marital relationships were typically abusive, dysfunctional, unhealthy, and unrewarding. Physical and emotional abuse, alcoholism, and absence of communication characterized these particular relationships. As one woman stated: 67
My husband didn't have too many good things to say about me. Even though I left the family for him. He still used that against me. He would say, 'Oh! you are bad, you left your family'. He would start beating me. I thought, now I am married and he is beating me, he is trying to correct me.
Denial of marital problems and refusal to acknowledge the need for change on the part of the spouses were further compounded by the lack of control over the decision-making for some of the women. As one women stated:
I had no control to do anything I wanted to do. Even if I did want too, somebody would come in and (and say) 'do your duties here.' Point out what I should do. So they made me aware that I was not in control.
For four of the subjects, disownment issues were not related to marriage but primarily to cultural differences and conflict with parental expectations.
As one women said, "They expected me to be like my sisters like all East Indian girls. Stay home, go to school, get married, and have kids." These four women reported feeling confused around the differences between Canadian and Indo-Canadian values and expectations. While they were expected to behave according to norms and standards of both societies they felt torn and frustrated. 68
In two cases, desertion by the spouse was the
major factor. With regard to the children, two of
the women saw their children to be the main reason
for staying in their relationships for the length of
time that they did.
Role of the Family of Origin
The role of the family of origin was significant with regard to the individual's sense of self-
respect, acceptance, and belonging. Pressure to
conform to role expectations as daughters and as wives were related to issues of shame, honor,
respect, and the intensity of guilt these women
experienced. Lack of communication . . . and in some
instances, the presence of physical and emotional
abuse, added to the denial of family problems.
Denial of the existence of problems, including
the occurrence of the disownment, was expressed to be
one of the frustrating aspects of the experience for nine of the women. As stated: "There was a real
denial on their part [that] there was something wrong." Another said, "Instead of reaching for help, or talking to me, he [father] was afraid of acknowledging that the family was not alright. I had to live at home pretending everything was okay." Yet another women stated, "... father closed his eyes to everything, he played a role, that was one of
helplessness and powerlessness . . . my mother, she
would say why don't you be quiet? Why don't you look
at me? I suffer too*. I wish she had stood up. I
understood that if she had stood up and she came to
me, she would get in trouble." And another said,
"still today, they haven't told anybody that their
daughter is separated. Finally, "my parents, they
did not want to own up to the fact that I was
divorced" (Case 4).
For three women connection with the family or at
least one member of the family greatly reduced the
impact of the disownment. For women who had little
or no support, the loss of contact with parents and
siblings was experienced as the greatest loss of all.
One woman reported, "I tried phoning my parents.
They would hang up on me. I tried visiting them and
my brother totally ignored me."
The major issues operating within the family of
origin concern family respect or "isat". For the women in the sample, acceptance by the family was the
initial step toward rebuilding relationships. For
two of the women, who re-established family ties, the main hurdle was one of working through guilt and
regaining some of the respect that was lost during
the disownment. In cases where the family lived
further away but continued to support the women 70
(either emotionally, socially, or financially) the
sense of failure, low self-esteem, and shame were the most difficult feelings to overcome.
Role of the Extended Family
The role of the extended family was the most significant in the provision or absence of emotional, social, and financial support. As one woman commented:
Uncle had a great role. Not a single day went by [without] a fight. He cut me down, he just totally shattered me, just about every day of my life. Every little punishment we received, was unnecessary, and unf air.
And another woman reported:
Every time Dad would be displeased with me, he would phone her [aunt] and she would start swearing at me. My relatives, they stopped talking to me. They never wanted to talk to me. Nothing to do with me.
After the disownment three of the women had the
support of at least one member of the family during the time of the event. Only two found support from extended family members such as uncles, aunts and cousins. For the married women, there was no support 71
from the extended family members through marriage,
(i.e., the in-laws). Regarding in-laws, two of the women repeated:
My husband's family, they were shocked. Because they thought that I am an Indian woman, and whatever they will do, I will bear that. And they never thought that I would take a step. So they are shocked.
In-laws ... it was a total disowning at the beginning. The son is always first and she feels that I have wronged them too. Because [I left] it's not my fault, but she feels it's my fault.
The most salient issues for the extended family involved family respect or "isat" and pride. As evidenced by statements such as: "You are disgracing us, ruining our name" and "My uncle, he's had a name to uphold, but [I] haven't fit into the norm." And f inally:
In my family, they shut the family out, overlooked the family for the sake of the community. They figured that because they were so grounded in the community that their family was well adjusted too. It was not. That was the downfall of the main characters: my parents, the uncles, the aunts - who were the governing force. They failed to recognize that the family was falling apart. Yet what was important to them was how well they were accepted in the community. 72
There was a definite movement in the level of
support received over time. For some of the women
who were reinstated back into the family, the
extended family gradually began to reconnect and
support these women. Family respect or "isat" and
the stigma that these women carried, however, still
remained intact. Thus, even when the women regained
some connection with significant others in the family
and the extended family, the struggle continued in
rebuilding their level of respect vis-a-vis these
relationships.
Role of the Community
In reference to the Indo-Canadian community, the I most salient issues were the absence of social
acceptance, group membership, and lack of understanding. In all ten cases, the women did not
feel supported by their community, after the
disownment. A sense of shame, disgrace, and
humiliation was experienced and it was reported to be
felt the strongest at the community level. The
stigma of being a single woman and the loss of status
and respect that accompanied it was the most
difficult aspect of the experience to overcome.
As one woman stated, "... society generally has
a very difficult time when a women is single. Whether she is divorced or she is by herself."
Another said, "every time I make some kind of approach or effort they look at it with so much suspicion and doubt". Finally, "when it comes to social gatherings they never invite me. This is the situation of a single woman in our community." Thus
". . . you don't get the same respect or equality that you would get outside of the culture." In reaction to the community, the women responded by breaking connections with the Indo-Canadian community. As one of the women said, "At certain points you have to, even if you don't want, you have to keep away." The woman learned that "... either you stay in the community or you don't". The most difficult and frustrating experience was reported by the women who worked with the community. The stigma of being single was a constant reminder of their plight.
Effects on the Individual
For the majority of the women, the intensity of the experience varied in relation to the loss of status. The women reported feeling a sense of humiliation and personal inadequacy. They felt isolated, condemned, and judged in their situations.
The stigma that these women found themselves living 74 with became unshakable. As one women stated,
"becomes a marker for life." Even in incidences where the women were abandoned and had little control over the situation, the women felt ostracized, mistreated, and labeled. These women found themselves outcasts, isolated, lonely with relatively few friends and limited opportunities to develop new relationships.
I find it really hard to be close to a few women friends I do have, hut I am so doubtful about what their husband's would think. How they would treat me if I got close to their family household that I really refrain from doing so.
The loss of significant relationships, coupled with the stigma of being single, produced an array of psychological problems. The psychological effects of disownment were manifested in several forms. Some of these included physical illnesses such as ulcers, insomnia, depression, and weight loss. Addictive behaviors such as alcoholism and smoking increased during the disownment process. Social skills were also problematic for three of the women. In order to cope with the many changes that the disownment acted as a catalyst too, the women employed a variety of coping strategies. Adjustment to being disowned was influenced by a number of factors which either 75 facilitated or hindered this process. In the next section, the major factors contributing to the adjustment of the disownment are discussed.
Factors Which Facilitate and Hinder Adjustment
Results reveal that several factors facilitate and hinder the process of adjustment. These include:
1) degree of control; 2) physical proximity to the family; 3) degree of loss experienced by the family;
4) Individual loses; 5) absence of support from the family and the community; 6) cultural expectations;
7) individual and personality differences; and 8) significance of the event.
Control and Decision-Making
So it comes to a point where you say, I can't handle it anymore. Something snapped inside of me. I said, no more. So it was either stay or leave.
For those women who initiated the break by leaving their husbands, leaving their homes, or attempting suicide, the degree of disownment varied across the family of origin, extended family, and the community. For those women who perceived themselves as having no control, as in the case of desertion, 76 the disownment experienced at the level of the family was less traumatic than the disownment experienced at the level of the community.
For women who had the support of the family, the process of adjustment was different from the experience of the women who were confronted with the loss of parents, siblings, or children. For the latter group, length of time engaged in the grieving process varied in relationship to the perception of control the women had in the events prior to the disownment. For the women who perceived themselves as having control in their lives and took the responsibility of their actions, reaching acceptance of the disownment situation took less time than for those women who viewed the events as being out of their control. The level of stress also varied in relationship to the amount of control these women perceived as learning in their lives.
Physical Proximity
The relationship between physical proximity to family and the experience of being disowned by the family of origin was quite striking. Five of the women who lived in close proximity to their families, perceived themselves as having been disowned. For three of the women, whose relatives and families 77 lived in India or across the country, disownment was not experienced as intensely. Two of the three women stated that if they were to return to India or if their families were here in Canada, the situation would have been very different. As one women stated:
If they were living here and relating to these people here, they might have been concerned about being out casted. But I know for sure that they would not have sacrificed me to anything like that. Although I'm sure it would have made some difference. Right now they know, even if they want to force me, they can't . . . Otherwise, they might have tried a little differently.
Degree of Familial Loss
They were shattered. They had no idea that one of their children could do such a thing. That leaving them, it was not heard off. You just don't leave family. You die, but you don't leave the family.
For the nuclear family, the family of origin, and the extended family the costs run high. In extreme cases, the loss of the relationship is grieved and mourned as an actual physical death. For example:
"Dad doesn't speak to me. He said to me you have died!, I don't know what better way to describe that
I have been disowned." 78
The experience of the loss of the woman appears
to he dependent upon the degree of value placed on
respect, honor, and family pride. Accompanying the woman is also the loss of honor or "isat" of the
family name. To illustrate, "He said, that you are bad and that you have ruined the family's name. You
disgraced me. You disgraced your mother. You
disgraced all our family."
Even when the family is aware of the emotionally
and physically abusive situations that these women
find themselves in, the fear of shame and disgrace within the community may in some cases block the
family from accepting the reality of the situation.
As one woman said:
He was trying to protect himself and he was trying to protect the family. Everyone thought his daughters were good. He had the best three daughters in the world. No one knew, what had happened in the family .
Once the reality of the situation shocks the
family into action it is often too late. The family
pays the high price of the loss of one of its female members. Embarrassment and humiliation is
experienced in failing to keep family members in
line. The shame is expressed behaviourally by
denying family members contact with the disowned woman. At a symbolic level the woman is perceived no 79
longer being alive in the family network. In doing
so, the entire family enters the mourning phase.
Some members may maintain contact with the disowned woman but pressure to break all ties may be exerted by the elders. By denying the existence of the woman, the family enters the grieving process of all
the losses involved.
Degree of Individual Loss
Loss of a life style, reputation, everything, self-respect. Sometimes you have to face it. You might end up losing your parents, the family, everything. You lose your identity as an East Indian. You can never go back. You can never get that respect.
For these women severity of the disownment varied
in direct relationship to the meaning that the losses
carried. Some of the losses included: the support
of friends and family, sense of security, health,
pride, self-respect, loss of potential children and
family life, and finally, the loss of valuable time.
The accumulation of losses at the personal,
interpersonal, familial, social, and community level
were not as debilitating as the loss of personal
meaning, cultural identity and group membership.
Adjustment to the accumulative losses required a 80
great deal of time and energy in working through the
grieving process. As one woman reported:
I can't sit with the Punjabi, where am I going to sit? I can't with the Canadians, where am I going to sit? I don't know where my position is. Not belonging to any group. So I am lost in this way.
Access To A Community
"It was a very hard, difficult period in my life,
but the steps that I took to become a part of this
society, some society, the Canadian society were real
learning steps." For some of the women, adjustment
to the disownment was facilitated by the availability
of support systems and access to public and community
services. Some found support in their field of work,
while others actively sought special organizations to
help in the transitions. In nine cases, separation
from the Indo-Canadian community was a necessary step
toward their adjustment. In all ten cases, access to
the mainstream community was the contributing factor
in their adaptation.
If I was back in India, I probably would not have had the courage to move out of the home. Even though I was miserable, I would have to go back to my father's home. My father was the type who would be very traditional. He would say, 'My honor is at 81
stake, my daughter has to go hack and I am not going to support you. Your coffin is going to go out of the house.' You just have to because, that's what our culture is . . . but here there are two, so I was able to make a choice.
Cultural Expectations
"My Mom and Dad taught me certain things. They got me married, so I had to be a dutiful daughter, mother, wife, and perform duty in society." Conflict in the area of cultural expectations, particularly with regard to role expectations, duty to one's husband, family, extended family, and the community was evident across all ten cases. As one woman said,
"You can do what is expected of you. You can live by the rules or not live by the rules. In other words, you can't go both ways." For the women in this study, cultural expectations, duty and obligation to others were expressed as reasons for staying in their families and in their marriages to the extent that they did. The guilt associated with having failed in their duties and expectations appears to have greatly hindered the adjustment process. 82
Personality Differences
Results showed that individual personality differences were important. Particularly with regard to the manner in which the disownment was perceived, dealt with, and resolved. Individual differences appear to he the strongest in the area of coping strategies that these women employed. The two women who were successful in re-integrating hack into the family were effective in their coping techniques.
Both talked of coming to a level of acceptance with themselves before attempting to bridge the gap back into the family. For the other eight women, feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth were barriers that blocked such movement.
Coping Strategies
The type of coping strategies that these women employed can be divided into two main categories: cognitive and behavioral strategies.
In the cognitive coping strategy category, denial served as an effective technique during the initial stage of the disownment. Once the women were able to work through the denial, come to terms with the reality of the situation, and face their losses, they were able to experience their anger. Because the women in the sample were at different stages of disownment, not all of the women had worked through the denial phase. One woman, was clearly blocked at this stage. While a member of her family had stated
she had been out-caste, she did not perceive herself as being disowned.
Another cognitive strategy employed by most of the women, was to shift negative thoughts to more positive thoughts. Refraining and challenging some of the negative attitudes required a great deal of time and energy (the length of time varied across the sample). Belief in fate or "kismat," was made reference to by all ten women. By focusing on the future, if not for themselves, then for the sake of the children, the women forced themselves to take control of their lives. Yet another effective cognitive coping strategy was to focus on the disownment event as an integral part of their spiritual journey.
In the behavioral category, crying was employed as an effective means of grieving the loss of the
spouse, the children, contact with family, and the
loss of the community. While their jobs provided
structure for some of the women, others had to force themselves to wake up and get on with the day.
Seeking professional help and finding the support of others with similar experiences were definite factors in establishing new social contacts.
While some of the women chose to sever all ties with the family, the extended family, and the community, others limited their contact with the family and the community. Three of the women used volunteer work as a means of reconnecting with and providing service to the Indo-Canadian community.
For these three participants, this experience was not as positive as they initially hoped. Instead of being understood or supported, these women were continuously being reminded of their low status position. For two of the women, reconnecting with one or more members of the family eventually led to being reinstated into the family.
Re-integration Into The Family
Being re-integrated into the family required a great deal of time and energy. Having the support of a brother or a sister greatly influenced the success of re-entry. The most difficult aspect of this stage was the struggle to achieve a level of acceptance that validated the participants' new found identity.
The two women who were re-instated back into the family recognized themselves as having changed and grown in the process. Although they were content, reminders of their loss of status greatly affected their feelings of self worth. Re-establishing family ties was perceived by both of the women to be worth the struggle and the pain. On the other hand, women who had not succeeded in establishing ties with their families or the community used their time to engage
in self-growth activities either through formal educational endeavors or through community and social
services.
Significance of the Disownment
I was so determined for them to not break me, that they broke me. Maybe it's possible that my rebellious attitude was a simple cry for attention, but I really felt I didn't want that kind of attention. But if it meant getting here in the process, I was willing to allow that. Simply because I wanted to open the road, the way for the rest of the children, because all the other children were a lot younger than I was, and I wanted them to not suffer the way that I was suffering.
In their experience, the participants reported having gained greater independence, peace of mind, personal strength and an increase in self confidence.
With the increase of self-control, there emerged
freedom, an increase in level of self-esteem, self
love, and acceptance. With a new found sense of self
there was greater recognition of personal potential, 86 determination to succeed, and a strong will to survive. For three of the women, the series of events triggered a spiritual awakening. Luck, fate or "kismat" were made reference to throughout the ten cases. Whatever meaning the women attached to their experience, all of the women spoke of personal growth and discovery of a new way of being in the world.
Summary of Results
To summarize, several themes emerged in the process of the analysis. Across the ten cases, these themes reflect the high cultural context in which disownment is given shape and expression. The role of the individual in the context of the family, the extended family and the community reveals that disownment can be triggered by any number of factors.
Intensity of the experience varied in relationship to the number of losses acquired and the perceived meaning of those losses to the individual.
Adjustment was influenced by such factors as control, physical proximity to the family, degree of loss experienced by the family and the individual, absence of support from the family and the community, cultural expectations, individual personality differences, and the significance of the event.
Drops in self-esteem were related to the loss of 87 respect and social acceptance associated with denied access to "significant relationships". In order to reduce the level of stress introduced by the disownment, the women employed a variety of coping strategies. Re-integration back into the family was reported by only two of the women. Although there were many negative aspects to the experience, the women also reported positive gains such as personal growth, strength, and independence. 88
Chapter V
Summary And Discussion
For the participants in this study, disownment was experienced as the final consequence of an unpredictable life event such as abandonment,
separation, and divorce. The psychological effects of disownment resulted from the accumulative effects of the losses and from the trauma produced by the transitional experience of disownment. Analysis of the data revealed that disownment not only occurs as an end result of one transition but it is also a transitional process in itself. One way to assist in the understanding of this particular phenomenon is to apply a stage model to the data.
Disownment As A Transitional Process
Hopson and Adams (1976) define a transition as an event in which "an individual experiences discontinuity in his or her life (p. 5). According to Hopson and Adams (1976) transition model, the seven stages involve an increase or decrease in level of self-esteem, which is directly related to the threat of a loss, or accumulation of several losses.
Brammer and Abrego (1981) state that some of the losses involve "subtle changes in relationship 89 comfort, or security in familiar surroundings" and produce perceived losses in the areas of "values, roles, and self identity" (p. 20). Accompanying the losses, is a decrease in self-esteem which results as a consequence of the "anger toward the person or event that is perceived as being responsible for the life change" (Brammer and Abrego, 1981, p. 20).
Reacting to the experienced losses, the individual enters the transition process which is characterized by the following stages: shock and immobilization, denial, depression, letting go, testing options, search for meaning, and integration
(Hopson and Adams, 1976; Brammer and Abrego, 1981).
Although these seven stages provide a useful framework for understanding the experience of the individual at the different stages, they do not fit every case. While some individuals move through the various stages in a relatively short duration of time, others may become blocked. Some people who take longer at one stage will feel the level of intensity less acutely at the other stages, or regress to earlier stages (Brammer & Abrego, 1981).
The rationale for selecting this particular model was based on the model's emphasis on shifts in self- esteem during the process of transition.
As a consequence of being disowned, the women in this study experience discontinuity in their lives, 90 which requires that they "develop new assumptions and behaviors" in response to the different situations in which they find themselves (Brammer and Abrego, 1981, p.19). Disownment, even though it is a traumatic event, has both positive and negative effects on the women and their families. Although the journey towards acceptance is frustrating and slow, movement through the seven stages leads to the "establishment of new life goals and directions that lead to greater satisfaction than before the painful transition took place" (Brammer and Abrego, 1981, p. 19). For the majority of the women in this sample, this statement describes their experience. The following section describes the data of the current study in terms of the seven stages model outlined by Hopson & Adams
(1976), and Brammer and Abrego (1981).
Stage One: Shock and Immobilization
For the women in this sample, the degree of shock varied with the level of intensity of the disownment experienced. For those women who maintained contact with their families and extended families, the level of intensity experienced was greater than for those women who lived further away from their families.
Contact with the community further added to the degree of shock experienced. Reaction to the shock 91 prompted the women to isolate themselves and engage in partial if not complete separation from their families, relatives, and the community. Shame and guilt, experienced through contact with significant others prompted the women to separate themselves, so as to maintain some degree of control and self- esteem.
Stage Two; Denial
During the transition process, denial plays a very significant role. Denial serves an important function in that it delays time and provides relief from emotional suffering (Brammer and Abrego, 1981;
Lazarus, 1979). Even prior to the disownment, there is denial of the seriousness of the family problems and marital discord. Only until the system is bumped by a crisis event, such as suicide, separation, or abandonment, is the problem finally recognized. But even then the event may be covered, denied, or never disclosed. Denial of the actual disownment serves as a protective mechanism against the reality of the seriousness of the separation.
The shock of the disownment is lessened through denial and avoidance by all people concerned. Denial of the woman's existence, characterized by such a statements as, "She is dead," or "You are no longer 92 my daughter," provides time for the family to grieve
the loss. But as the women reported, denial cannot
be maintained for too long because they are
constantly reminded of their reality by family
members, relatives, and community members.
Stages Three: Depression
After the shock, immobilization, and denial, full
realization of the change occurs (Brammer and Abrego,
1981). This stage is characterized by the spiral
downward towards intense sadness, helplessness,
loneliness, and in extreme cases suicide. Grief and mourning are strong reactions to the experienced
losses. Internalization of guilt, coupled with loss
of self-esteem and reputation adds to the confusion
and despair experienced at this stage.
The "rage accompanying the shame may either be
directed externally or inwardly" (Kaufman, 1985;
p. 106). When the rage is directed at the self, greater shame is experienced, which in turn
perpetuates and maintains the depression which
continues to spiral. This pattern which Kaufman
(1985) refers to as the "internal shame spiral" is
created by the individuals through their interactions with significant others. Isolated from family and friends, the intensity of the changes are experienced more acutely. Loss of significant others, and the burden of the disownment stigma keep the women in this stage the longest. As one subject stated, "hitting rock bottom and surfacing was the most significant aspect of the experience." All the women reported grief and acute depression. Two of the woman reacted by attempting suicide and one woman contemplated but did not act upon suicidal thoughts. Working through the anger, pain, and humiliation these women gradually begin to let go.
Stage Four; Letting Go
Towards the end of the depression stage where feelings are experienced deeply, the women learned to let go. In this study all the women explored new options and got down to the business of survival. If not for themselves, then for the sake of their children. For others, letting go occurred in reaction to their families, to show them that they could make it as single women. One way of letting go of the shame associated with the stigma was to let go of contact with other Indo-Canadian's and embrace new relationships in mainstream society. Sadness and anger appear to accompany this stage of letting go 94 and resolution required a great deal of courage and risk-taking (Brammer and Abrego, 1981; Cheikin,
1981).
Stage Five: Testing Options
Characterized by exploration and testing of new options, this stage produced a great deal of anxiety.
While on one hand, the women recognized the need to change, they were held back by feelings of guilt, shame, and resentment. Independence created confusion and disorientation, and required the learning of new skills and behaviors. One area where options were experienced to be very limited involved interpersonal relationships. The absence of friendships outside the family circle limited the size of their social networks. Lack of appropriate social skills and low self-esteem were hindrances to developing new relationships. For these women who had support of significant others, such as friends and siblings, validation of self-worth was possible.
Stage Six: Search for Meaning
The search for meaning was reported by all ten women to be a significant aspect of the experience.
Fate or "kismat" is questioned at the beginning, 95 middle and at the end of the journey and reflects the on-going nature of the women's search for meaning.
The significance and meaning that the women attributed to their experiences varied considerably but for all women it was definitely a concern. While four women perceived the event to be an integral part of their spiritual journey, the other women viewed it to be a necessary part of their self-growth. In their struggle the women worked to make their personal existence meaningful.
Stage Seven: Integration
The final stage in the transition process is integration. At this phase, new values and behaviors were tested and incorporated into the women's lifestyles (Brammer and Arego, 1981). In this study only two of the women had achieved integration.
These women arrived at acceptance of the situation, themselves, and others. Personal growth, strength, and independence was embraced with a sense of inner pride. Although the stigma of being disowned was still present, and only some respect from the family has been regained, there was hope and a strong will to survive. Reconnection with the family was considered to be a major accomplishment during this stage. While the community and extended family 96 members did not always acknowledge or accept the women totally, being reinstated back into the family was the first step in bridging the gap towards re• integration. The other eight women had not yet arrived at this stage.
To summarize, one of the main discoveries from the data was that disownment is a transitional process. Disownment varies in the degree of intensity and operates at the family, the extended family and the community levels.
Findings of this study lend support to the research related to disownment already discussed in chapter two. As expressed in the stories of the women, the journey begins in one cultural sphere and moves into another. The position that these women find themselves in is a marginal one created by exclusion from their families and from membership in the community (Stonequist, 1937; Hitch, 1983). The duality of their experience created conflict in the areas of values, role expectations, ethnic identification, group versus individual needs, inter• personal relationships, identity and self-esteem
(Weinreich, 1983; Breakwell, 1983; Cahn, 1987).
"Disconfirmation" of self by significant others, through disownment resulted in depression, alienation, and loss of self-esteem (Laing, 1969).
Disownment not only threatened individual self-esteem but family group identity as well (Breakwell, 1983).
Women who had strong identification with their ethnic
community had a more difficult time separating
themselves physically, socially and psychologically.
Break in continuity of self characterized by the
conflict between the old self and the new self
produced varying degrees of personality
disintegration (Adler, 1975).
The stigma that these women found themselves
burdened with disconfirmed the validity of their
experience and personal worth (Hitch, 1983). Re•
integration back into the family and availability of
supportive relationships provided access to
significant others who were able to provide some
validation and confirmation of personal worth and
social identity. Since disownment occurs in the
context of familial and social networks, this study
supports the research on the role that significant
others play in the validation or disconfirmation of
self-identity and self-esteem.
Three Stage Model of Disownment
While Hopson and Adams' (1976) seven stage model
is useful in describing the underlying process, a
simplified and more encompassing three stage model of
disownment is presented as another way of 98 conceptualizing the process. The disownment process can basically be divided into three stages which include: 1) anticipation of shift; 2) adjustment; and 3) re-integration. These three stages parallel the transitional model outlined by Hopson and Adams
(1977) and Brammer and Abrego (1981). The three stage model permits greater flexibility in understanding differences across individuals.
Stage One: Anticipation of Shift
Stage One corresponds with the anticipation of the impending shift within the family or in the marital relationship. This phase is characterized by fear and denial of the seriousness of marital and family problems. Confusion and anxiety around initiative to leave and lack of control keeps individuals grounded in this phase until events such as divorce, separation, abandonment, or suicide shocks them into action. Once the individual begins to accept inner feelings and acts to meet denied needs, they face being disowned. The conflict is one of accepting, that is owning one self or being disowned by significant others.
Motivation for breaking away from tradition include: the desire for personal fulfillment, independence, freedom of choice, and self-expression. 99
Whatever decision the individual makes, there is an
implicit understanding that there is no turning back.
When boundaries are overstepped, they must be
overstepped so far that there is no turning back
(Hall, 1982).
Stage Two: Adjustment
Stage Two of the disownment process is
characterized by depression and intense sadness.
This stage can be the longest and the most difficult
period to pass through. Feelings of intense guilt,
shame, and low self-esteem hinder the process of adjustment. Moving through this stage requires working through anger, grieving, letting go of the
losses, building self-esteem, testing new options, trying different behaviors, and developing new relationships. The most significant factors to
successful adjustment involve the establishment of new relationships that provide a sense of belonging and validate new found sense of self. Movement is made in the direction of the new community with the belief that here "only the new me will be known" and
that these new others will help the individual to
leave the old self behind (Kegan, 1982, p. 218). 100
Stage Three: Re-Integration
The third stage of the process is characterized by the individual's acceptance of the situation. In
this stage, there is greater acceptance of the self
and recognition of personal strength, independence,
and growth. Reconnection with one or two of the
family members or re-integration back into the family
is the most important aspect of this stage. Re•
integration back into the family which is a slow and painful process can have both positive and negative effects on the disowned individual's level of self- esteem. Some of the major difficulties in this stage concern the negative effects of the stigma which are still present. While the individual may feel good about his or her success, independence, and new found sense of self he or she may be shattered when the family does not recognize or validate these changes.
Common across all three stages of the disownment process are the emotional shifts and the drops in
self-esteem associated with the shame and stigma.
Implications for Counselling
The value of this study and the findings are
important to the professional practice of
counselling. These practical implications are 1 01 described as follows:
1. Effective counselling and therapeutic interventions require awareness and an understanding of the complexities of a "high context" culture when it conflicts with a "low context" cultural system.
2. The three stage model of disownment provides a useful guide for helping individuals adjust to the experience of a marginal existence and the accompanying problems.
3. The model when shown to the individual can help him or her understand what might be expected at the different stages with both positive and negative outcomes.
4. Examination of the possible routes successful women in this study took in re-integrating back into their families reveal what kind of strategies would be useful in helping others.
5. For those who were not successful or could not rejoin their families, support and counselling, focusing particularly on validation of self, is very important for adjustment.
6. Counsellor training programs and inservice training for community professionals would be beneficial for those who work with such cases.
7. Finally, the model assists individuals and their families in recognizing symptoms of distress, 1 02
taking preventive measures before disownment becomes an issue.
Although the individuals in this study were from a distinct ethnic group; generalizability of the model of disownment to other distinct groups is possible. Based upon the role the families played in the reported experience of these women, the counsellor is once again reminded that with many clients, the family constellation and dynamics cannot be ignored. Along with the awareness of the clients cultural world view, the counsellor needs a solid understanding of transitional process.
Limitations of the Study
In this study, limitations appeared in the areas of accuracy and validity of the data and in the interpretations. In the area of reliability of the sampling procedures, the major drawback of the purposive sample was that there was little control over the participants of the study. Thus, there was little assurance that individuals who were selected were representative of the general population. In this study, generalizability was reduced for the sake of increasing knowledge and depth of understanding of the phenomenon of disownment. 1 03
Suggestions for Further Research
While this exploratory study on disownment focused on the experience of women, additional research can be conducted in a number of other areas.
Replication of the study with members of other ethnically homogeneous groups would be useful to assess the relevance of the model proposed. A second area of potential research could be focused on families who have been disowned by an individual family member. It is believed that much like the individual, the family, may also move over through the stages of denial, depression, letting go of failed expectations, testing new options in parenting, and searching for meaning. Research in this area would be useful in helping families move through the transition more effectively.
Follow up on this study would be beneficial to determine the relevance of factors, such as lack of communication, in the disownment process. Another possible area for research could focus on individuals that typically mediate between the disowned person and the family. It appears that these individuals
(i.e., siblings) play an important role in the resolution of the disownment hut to what extent, still remains unclear. Useful information could be gained from the strategies that these individuals use in bridging the distance between the family and the individual. Research in these areas would be useful in investigating the validity of the model proposed in this study.
Concluding Remarks
In review, any number of events can precipitate the occurrence of disownment. How the individual adjusts to this stressful life event is dependent upon a number of factors which include: individual personality variables, access to community services, social support networks, contact with family, the number and significance of loses acquired, and accessibility to significant relationships.
Disownment which is embedded in the context of the family, the extended family, the ethnic community
(in this case the Indo-Canadian community) varied in degree and intensity. Intensity of the experience was affected by the number of losses accumulated.
Some of the most significant losses were status, group membership, and the loss of contact with significant others. The degree of importance placed, by the individual, on these loses gave shape and color to the experience of disownment.
The psychological effects of being disowned in some cases were dramatic. In response to this 1 05 stressful event, the participants in this study, employed a variety of cognitive and behavioral coping techniques. Despite the negative effects of being outcasted, isolated, and alone in their struggle there were definite rewards. Some of the gains included an increased level of tolerance of self and others, personal growth, independence, greater self control, and the courage to live on.
Given that culture is typically evolving and going through change, it is the view of the author that although the disownment process was difficult and disruptive to these women, there was a benign effect. More precisely, it was observed that by coping and redefining themselves in new ways these women were models for younger members of their families who became aware of other ways of being.
Changes at the personal, interpersonal, and at the family levels, brought about as a consequence of disownment, may be in fact the most adaptive for the changing make-up of the community. As more and more individuals begin to accept themselves and express their identities within the marginal space between two cultural worlds, they can help to bridge the cultural gap and bring about social change. Clearly cultural transformation must begin with the individual no matter how painful the process. These women in their struggle, demonstrated that the 1 06 process requires personal strength and a great deal of courage. As traumatic as the experience of disownment Is, the value of changes that take place as a consequence of disownment can not go unrecognized at the individual, social, and community levels. 1 07
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Interview Schedule 1 1 5
Interview Schedule
Different people experience being disowned in different ways. I want to understand things from your point of view. If you find any of the questions confusing, let me know so that I can clarify them.
I would like to remind you again that confidentiality will be maintained and that you have the right to refuse participation.
The interview will take between one to two hours. Do you have any questions or concerns before we start.
1. Being disowned is just one way of describing the experience. How would you describe your experience?
2. Would you say you have been disowned? Can you give me examples that would indicate this?
3. Can you tell me the main events that lead to the separation? What was significant about each one?
Now I would like to ask you a few questions about your f amily.
1. Can you tell me about some of your relatives who are important to you, and what they are like?
2. If I went to visit your family and I asked about you, what do you think they would say?
3. What kind of an effect do you think the disownment had on the family?
4. Would your family actually say you have been disowned?
5. What kind of relationship do you have with your family?
The next set of questions focuses on your experience.
1. How did the experience affect you?
2. What did you learn from the experience? What were the gains and the loses?
3. How much control do you feel you had in what happened? Who had the most or the least say? 1 1 6
4. How is your life any different from: a. Before the event? b. What it would have been like if you had not been disowned?
Different people adjust to these changes differently.
1. What do you think helped you to adjust? Can you give me examples?
2. We have talked about has helped. Now I would like you to think about what did not help. Can you give me examples?
3. You have told me what helped and what did not help. Now I would like you to think about what could have helped. In other words, what did you not try? What could others have tried.
4. How well do you think you are doing right now?
5. Is there anything else I should know?
We are nearly finished. Now I would like to ask you some general questions.
1. In what religion were you raised?
2. What year were you horn?
3. Where were you born?
4. What year did you arrive in Canada?
5. Do you speak any other languages?
6. What is your marital status?
7. What type of work do you do?
8. Are you presently attending high school, college, or other post secondary institutions?
Before we finish is there anything else you think I should know? 1 1 7
Appendix B
Agency Request Form Since the ethics committee at the University of British Columbia requires written proof of your agency's consent, please complete the following section.
Name of Agency Agency Official hereby gives permission to Swinder Jheeta to interview potential subjects for her study on the Experience of Expulsion (disownment). Appendix C
Participant Request Form Appendix D
Contributing Factors FACTORS CONTRIBUTING TO THE DISOWNMENT
Control Physical Proximity to Family
Degree of Loss to Personality Family "Isat" or Differences "Honour" DISOWNMENT Cultural Degree of Loss to Expectations the Individual "Isat" or "Self- Respect".
Support and Support and Access Access to to a Community Family and Extended Family