June 1989 pRIMARY pOINT 9 Unfolding Family and ?- Just Do It! By Sensei Bodhin Kjolhede By Bruce Sturgeon

. Three a I would have traded Center member­ don't know if it's a charac- preparation. days week, prepare (Editor's note: This article is reprinted by they simply for in other dlliaer- add 1 hour, I don't skimp. permission. Itfirst appeared in Zen Bow ship membership groups. Iteristic of the times we live in, if I'm Rather, their karmic links to or if I am but 30 minutes. Asheville Newsletter, a publication of the Rochester lazy just poorly organized, Commuting- have even without their Zen Center, Spring 1988 issue.) persisted getting more and more I feel like there aren't is a small town. I know how lucky I am. to the Center. Clearly, they are still at­ enough hours in the day to get it all done. the course of two weeks recent­ Work- 9 hours. I know the 60 hour tracted to the Buddha's Way and those Overly, three Sangha members, inde­ A few weeks ago, while on a plane work week is the norm for "those who get who it and want to Bud­ practice support to the West I was on but I'm so far behind Be­ pendently of one another, expressed flight Coast, musing ahead", already. dha, and Sangha. disappointment that the Zen Center does my career, my family, my health, my Zen sides, I'm not as young as I used to be. It is time for the Zen Center to What is true direction? Who is? not have more family activities. "Our open practice- my and itself as a center of After the usual, inevitable state children's friends have so much they can up develop family reaching General Time with Spouse- 2 and other functions. Ours is of overwhelm, I decided to zone out and do with their churches and synagogues. community hours. This is a broad category including an and we must ac­ It's too bad our children can't involve entirely lay Sangha, that and make ourselves far more them selves more with the Zen center as a cept to the needs of religious community." The need for a responsive lay people. This is no means a new at the more family-centered, communal expres­ by thought in the last of we sion of Zen practice has become increas­ Center; couple years have taken some in the direc­ ingly felt by the Sangha, as it ma tures baby steps tion of a more com­ into the responsibilities of family like, widely embracing What is new is the full careers, and community obligations. munity. an whose Hundreds of Center members who sel­ conviction that this is idea time has come. Until now we have resisted the dom, if ever, attend daily sittings or ses­ to diversify out of concern that shins retain their membership year after temptation to do so would undermine the year, paying dues all the while. Why? training. That fear, I believe, is no valid. Surely not just for the community ac­ longer tivities, which have been scarce. If they wanted nothing more than social involve­ ments for their children or themselves, continued on next pag�

Bruce with his wife Cathy, Leon, Megan, & Michaela

read USA Today. There was an article scheduling, exchanging news, talking, as­ which assured me that indeed, there king ourselves how it is that people like aren't enough hours to lead a quality life; us have three children, etc. that the acceleration of time is the order Let me say, that at this point, 24 hours of the day. have already been used. The went on ac­ article to itemize the Intimacy/Sex- 4S minutes. Not tivities a for a composing typical day typi­ necessarily what you think. This also in­ cal I decided this be a person. might cludes hugging, kissing, snuggling and fruitful exercise for me to do. This is what just being there for each other. Let me say I came with-I add total up might my that USA Today points out that most hugs time was less than the USA typical Today last less than 15 seconds, and sex perhaps person. 10 minutes. True intimacy is difficult and Sleep- 8.0 hours. This is first on most people would rather tolerate Bob with and Sam Genthner, JDPSN, Maggie my list because it seems that, as a relative­ mediocre sex than have to deal with in­ ly new father, having children is basically tense intimacy. an experiment in sleep deprivation. What Children- 2 hours. We have three with bad dreams, drinks of water, sounds The Adventures of and Duck children ages 10,7, and two. The two Frog in the out of bed, night, falling changing hours includes about 15 minutes each one­ bottles, etc., I feel like a diapers, making on-one. The rest is "together" time which By Robert Genthner, Ji Do Poep Sa Nim POW. I would tell them what Honestly, could be group play, sitting on the porch, they wanted to know, if they would just is real?" asked Frog of the "What is real?" Frog asked again, this watching TV, or a bedtime story. ask. In fact, if I awaken for the first time Whatfloating rubber duck. He had ob­ time to himself as much as to anyone. Kitchen Patrol and Housekeeping­ since I went to bed the night before and viously mistaken a bath tub for a pond. Duck heard the question, but was losing l.S hours. Don't yell at me, I try to do it's morning, I have a sense of alarm that interest. Frog was losing interest in pursu­ my share and we have a cleaning service "Seriously," said Frog as Duck something must have happened to the to come once a I'm until its little air hole blew bub­ ing Duck. The question seemed be the week. Besides, getting laughed kids. Usually all it means is that I was so he could on his mind. used to dolls and children's clothes bles. was on a face cloth he only thing keep toys, Frog sitting dead to the world that I slept through my home. had mistaken for a "What is real?" sat on a bar of decorating my lily pad. Frog wife's getting up. So, sleep time occupies Errands- 30 minutes. the "What kind of questions are you as­ soap. 8 hours but in truth, I don't get that much Taking kids to school, to the cleaners, the king?" asked Duck. Duck was a practical Duck was long gone now. Perhaps, he rest. Besides, all of us have tried to get going the etc. There's sort. "You don't know the difference be­ had joined the flock of beautiful white more done by sleeping less. In the long post office, filling station, tween a bath tub and a pond and you want swans that Frog vaguely remembered run, it doesn't work. always something. to know what is real? Duck was irritated hearing flying overhead. Zen Practice- 1 hour. This includes Grocery shopping-1S minutes. and as he swam he had to avoid the Women take than it's a fact. away Frog sat and sat determined- half 15 minutes for bowing, the same for longer men, fish on its side. plastic floating crazy, but unable to let go. "What is real? chanting and 30 minutes for sitting, set­ Exercise- 30 minutes. Everyone Frog jumped in hot pursuit. "Please What is real? What is real?" The question tling in the right position, stretching, knows that you need at least 20 minutes . don't go." deepened. yawning, etc. of aerobic exercise each day plus 10 minutes for a "cool down". Duck saw the jump out of the comer When all of a sudden...Splashl Tai Chi Chuan- 20 minutes. An in­ of his eye. herited chronic lung disorder my Pets-10 minutes. attrition A voice called out, "Dad...day, could requires Through doing Tai Chi. we've weeded our and we have There was something about Frog he you give me a wipe?" pets only liked. it was his or the Personal 4S minutes. fish left. They do not require as much Perhaps, greenness It wasn't long before Frog emerged Grooming- care as such as cats or Of warts he didn't seem to know he had, but The basic S,S, & S dental care and pets dogs. soapy, wet and a little dazed. He toweled plus are not as or he was likable Duck. dressed. Take a few' minutes to course, fish quite responsive thought off, his son finish, on his shirt getting helped put either. take a good look at the beast in the mir­ loving, Perhaps, it was his persistence. It was and tie, and went to work. ror. Who am I? hard to say, but Duck definitely liked Frog although he would never admit this Eating- 1.S hours. This represents to anyone, especially Frog. three meals and a snack plus meal continued on next page 10 pRIMARY pOINT June 1989 offered, in fact, has been so narrow as to fall that now practices it in America. Without dilut­ Unfolding Sangha Sangha children grow up with a marvelous through the cracks in many people's lives. ing it. to in the life of a continuedfrom page 9 opportunity partake religious community. The annual Buddha's Birthday So...where exactly do we go from here? I Let us not imagine that the practice of Zen have our celebration and the occasional or enough faith in the wisdom of the San­ meditation is something separate from life In the Buddhist temples of both China and potluck pic­ to let it consensus or our ac­ nic have established a firm and fond gha decide, by vote, what in community. Our family, group Korea, there was much more going on than for­ ground activities and the our are on which to build a communal of programs Center will under­ tivities, meeting and social programs mal meditation. the monks were expression Commonly take outside the zendo. The of all for for our Zen As these ceremonies have ma­ very process opportunities training, applying divided into those who focused on and practice. study to decide in in is real so also have we--as students and getting together what direction the "the world." This the wodl: of those who devoted themselves to sit­ tured, adepts primarily moves will itself and enrich us Zen: our and of Zen as and as Sangha unify integrating practice realization The latter to their own com­ practice, teachers, parents. ting. usually kept as a I am amenable to life. As This is a rich basis for children and community. anything-­ with every aspect of daily the better to maintain the concentrative inviting pound. short of families to find a in the celebrations of Wednesday night bingo. Hakuin reminds us in his ChaPII in Praise of intensity of zazen practice. but in other sec­ place "Our and are the voice the the wisdom and Nor is there reason not to look to our own Zazen, dancing songs tions of the large temples other monks might Sangha. Moreover, of the we so. warmth of those in the non- dualistic Western churches and for Dharma"-il make them be busy with orphanages, small clinics, grounded synagogues ideas. faith that is Buddhism is a schools, and, in calamitous times, distributions precious resource, Every Sunday morning the streets in the Ar­ So, the Center will forge ahead now, not in until now largely unavailable to those who nold Park area are crowded with the cars of a new direction-s-our remain fixed on of food and clothing. This broad range of sights work for in the world. Members who of churches. What the Four Bodhisattvic Vows-but toward a was well suited to big, change parishioners neighborhood in and social work have had sprawling China, with its diverse peoples and engage political pulls these hundreds of families out of their new. balance, a new emphasis on the Zen Cen­ little and from pragmatic mentality-qualities for which organized support fellowship homes to Sunday services each week, and ter as a lay community. This is not so much a the This must and shall as America is also known. Sangha. change. what keeps them members, often not just decision as a natural outgrowth of change, a for but for The cer­ to the needs of the as it None of these observations are new to the years generations? worship, response Sangha is The Japanese, however, have never had The need has been voiced from time tainly. But it may well be as much the fellow­ rather than as it once was or as it could be. We much appreciation for mixtures and diversity. Sangha. that draws so the are on a to time over the but as the Center's ship many, community embarking far-reaching development From the Chinese Buddhist tradition they ex­ years, the week as well as to as work has been seen almost in support offered throughout that will have unfold gradually the Center tracted Ch' an (meditation), gave it the name exclusively adjusts to its new role. More than ever the San­ Zen, and applied their legendary standards of gha will be needed to plan and implement excellence and specialization, distilling it into these changes with care and cooperation. For a pure medication system largely unadulterated "The side... "lay" life involving now, the most pressing matter is how to work by social or political concerns. "Largely" be­ out the management of the day-to-day opera­ cause there were exceptions, big temples com­ and all other extra­ tions of the Center without relying exclusively plexes like Engaku-ji, for example, where children.families, on our small resident staff. Suggestions, com­ outside the sodo (training hall) a wide array of ments, and volunteers are more than welcome study and other activities and events could al­ zendo activities­ Sangha-community for the work before us. ways be found. In my own several months at two training temples in Japan, though, I don't has been remember seeing children or any appreciable largely neglected." signs of family or community activities. These temples concentrated on practice in the tradi­ terms of Zen training, those of us running the on Sunday. (It is also true that the transplant of Bodhin Kjolhede Sensei is a Dharma Heir tional, strict sense which Zen became by Center have our a on felt little choice but to shrug Judeo-Christian culture has head start to Roshi and is the Abbot known as "the Mind Sect." shoulders. the Western Buddhism of some two In Always underlying assumption millennia) of the in Rochester. The first priority of the Zen Center is prac­ was that Zen was for adults Zen we have the Buddha's own heart of only-in par­ per­ NY. tice and training, and will remain so. As ticular, single adults, or at least those who fect wisdom, "incomparable profound and Roshi's is to as best successor, my job pass on, could manage to attend daily sittings and ses­ minutely subtle"-why are so few people at­ I can, my understanding of the Dharma, which shins regularly, and for those who could enter tracted to it? Partly because it is incomparable in essence is no different from Roshi' s realiza­ the quasi-monastic'program of full-time staff profound and minutely subtle; never has Zen tion and that of his teachers and his teacher's training in Rochester. This model of Zen prac­ been practiced by masses of people. But surely teachers. This work will not It is change. my tice has proven too narrow. It is time now to we can find a way to make this jewel teaching paramount obligation, my calling, and can broaden our perspective on the role of the Cen­ accessible to more than the tin ulation never be neglected. Luckily, conducting daily ter to that of center as well as lay community Family & Zen?-Just Do It! kitchen, etc. This reminded me of the sittings and sesshins is also immensely fulfill­ center. training story about Dae Soen Sa Nim, who al­ to me, so there is no chance of our formal 9 ing From the it has as continued/rom page beginning been if the admonishes when a car, the rise and ways driving just training being eclipsed by growth Zen Center were a a fence straddling fence, drive the etc. Whatever are of a at the Center. If a car, you lay community spirit its dual as both zendo Birds--l5 minutes. I marking identity training fancy myself Just do it. Once when he was serious conflict were to arise between sitting doing- and community center. For two decades Roshi something of a birder. So, I keep feeding and other involvements, found reading and eating at the same practice community nourished the more or less Kapleau traditional, stations and a eye. the two would have to their sharp time. He said, "When and go separate ways, quasi-monastic training role of the Center, eating reading, even if it meant my the Center. But minutes. eat and read." leaving which came to earn for itself the label "the Reading Newspaper-lO just such an outcome is unlikely in the extreme. No At first, I insisted on the New York Times. boot camp of American Zen." A regimen of However, I think agree, even matter how and you'll family- community-oriented and retreats has been maintained Then for brevity, I switched to USA daily sittings with multi-tasking there are too many the Center becomes, there will always be some a full-time staff to follow a struc­ but found also, was too time con­ by required Today it, tasks to done in a in whose life circumstances permit them the get day. Many things tured work-training schedule. This emphasis suming. Finally, I settled on the news sum­ freedom to aside else, when actual practice receive less time than I put everything on and has been sitting disciplined training mary found on the front page of the Wall they feel compelled, to resolve the matter of have indicated and many get post poned vital in establishing a strong foundation for Streetlournal. The local birth and death. Such will find a to paper? Forget it, or more don't done at all. And people way and the likely, get . teaching, practice, enlightenment: not worth 5¢, much less a 25¢. forego, either in the short term or over many of course, of that I three pillars of Zen. But over time many of you've thought things years, the daily life of family and career in TV News- 45 minutes. haven't mentioned and allotted time to. those unable to participate in many sittings or Watching order to devote themselves to resident staff Show Morn­ sesshins--much less in the staff program­ 15 minutes of the Today (or For instance, Primary Point. my part-time training. came to see the Center as inaccessible. It was ing Edition on Public Radio) and the Eve­ computer sales, my on-going house The Center must its center: zazen. keep as if the Center, although with a leg on either ning Network News. I used to watch the remodeling, local politics or the public That is its marrow, its reason for being-to pro­ side of the could one foot. fence, plant only in-depth, hour-long McNeil-Lerher service! volunteering that is so important vide a practice environment for women and The other side--the "lay" side, that side of Report. Of course, this means that I do not in this era of the budget deficit. men who wish to develop the ability to main­ Center life involving children, families, and all know about local events, but if I a anything is tain one-pointed, stabilized mind in motion other extra-zendo Sangha-community ac­ Unfortunately, myfamily depend­ need to know, my wife will tell me. and at rest. Zen is, after all, the meditation sect tivities-has been largely neglected. ent on my pay check, so, my work is not of Buddhism, and zazen is not just one among General 60 minutes. I when it comes to time Now, however, we have grown enough­ Reading- negotiable shaving all many activities but is the basis of activity. subscribe to over 25 a month. and I've about all tall enough-to plant that second foot on publications already explained my This focus is that no sure­ something member, I at a book a month. are the other side of the fence. In fact, to wait any also manage least sleep. The things that suffer my wife, ly, wants changed; it is what attracted us all to longer would reflect an ignorance--"ignore­ Some is done during my work period my children, my Zen practice, Tai Chi, ex­ the Center in the first place, and what keeps us ance"--<>f the way things are. While our mem­ since some of it is work related. and Of course, have here. The the sesshin schedule, ercise, reading. you daily sittings, has leveled off to a its bership steady size, to but what do do when and even the of resident staff 20 minutes. This prioritize you regimen training, has from that of Gardening- may makeup changed drastically must be done? All I can is then, will continue. be a term for yard work since it in­ everything say the Center's early years. No longer are we fancy that I don't have time to think But let us now look to that the San­ cludes the really ways predominantly single young adults experiment­ mowing lawn, picking up about it. Moment to I do it­ gha can unify itself and enrich its sense of com­ ing with provisional jobs (often chosen, in the leaves and brush, pruning, etc. I call it gar­ moment, just How can we include children more in sometimes it feels like chaos. munity. late 60' s and 70' s, according to how much dening because at least part of this time is though the Center? Do members want to organize time off they allowed for attending sesshin). spent walking around my yard day-dream­ more social and recreational activities? Can we the of members must Today majority juggle ing about a Japanese garden. find more ceremonies, rituals and other obser­ the time of families, requirements growing Bruce is Editor vances to members of our Spacing out/Personal time- 60 Sturgeon ofPrimary keyed lay pluralis­ demanding careers, and sometimes social, I Point and leads a small in tic, contemporary American society? Let's political, and other community involvements. minutes. know that I spend at least this sitting group continue and crank much NC, where he lives with his meeting together regularly For most members these large areas of the time in the O-zone. Asheville, out a monthly local newsletter to keep better in 's life have been wife. Cathy and their three children, naturally put If you've read this far, you'll want to touch with each other. Let's "reknit our con­ before time at the Zen Center, where little Leon, and Michaela. know that these near­ Megan. to each use categories represent nections" other, to Gary Snyder's more than traditional training has been offered. 34 hours of time. Each words. In doing so we will inevitably find our­ For all but the handful of members who would ly day. selves reconnecting to the vast world outside devote themselves to their sitting practice--in The USA Today article suggests that the in ecumenical Center, perhaps approaches their own homes if not at the Center-the em­ the answer is multi-tasking every mo­ to social and activism. The abbot, for has been too political phasis of the Center narrowly ment. Flossing in the shower, reading the one, would love to get out in the marketplace focussed to be available. What the Center has paper while riding the exercise bike, more. watching the news while cleaning the