Opinion: Pouring a cup of holiday fear—Page 7 SCBHei Holiday movie guide—Page 9

;||mSKs San Francisco FOGHORN THE UNIVERSITY OF SAN FRANCISCO NOVEMBER 30, 2000 VOLUME 97, ISSUE 9 Volunteerism New President Inaugurated Christopher A. Bess Peaks at Holiday FOGHORN STAFF Amid thunderous tones blar­ ing from St. Ignatius Church's Season pipe organ, swirling colors of academic robes and a general air USF community members of pomp and circumstance, rich and powerful San Francisco per­ sonalities, including Mayor organize and facilitate aid projects Willie Brown and Archbishop William J. Levada, joined the fac­ Jessica Dryden-Cook Castano and his friend ulty, students and other members MANAGING EDITOR watched in amazement as turkey of the University of San Fran­ Arnold Castano, a University and cheddar cheese sandwiches cisco in officially welcoming the of San Francisco MBA student, and almond-studded bear claws Rev. Stephen A. Privett, S.J. as the and his friend tightly hugged the disappeared from the once full 27th president of the University brown bags overwhelming with bags and brought elated grins to of San Francisco. extra food as they approached a the rowdy group. St. Ignatius Church was the group of homeless people sing­ "It's such a wonderful feeling venue for two days of official ing on Haight Street. to be able to give to others and events, including a Mass of the COURTESY OF MEDIA RELATIONS "We're passing out food to­ to be a part of helping someone's Holy Spirit on November 17 and Rev. Stephen A. Privett, SJ. welcomes Mayor Willie Brown to the night, are you hungry?" The life," Castano said. "I like to get an inauguration ceremony on inaugural ceremonies held November 18 in St. Ignatius Church. grubby bunch halted their musi­ my friends together and make November 18. The mass and in­ cal rendition and flashed their [volunteering] an event, to share auguration celebrated both ration ceremony: "Educating for erally seen in one place, toothless smiles. They began the experience with everyone." Privett's new leadership and the a Just Society." Saturday's inauguration filled the searching through the left over Castano's and his friend's ef­ deaths of Jesuits and women em­ While the mass was well-at­ church almost to capacity and sandwiches and pastries from fort is just one example of USF's ployees at the University of Cen­ tended and began with a long li­ began with an even longer pro­ Crossroad's Cafe, which are left holiday giving and volunteering tral America eleven years ago. turgical procession of acolytes, cession, mostly composed of pro­ outside its doors at the end of the spirit. From food drives to toy The dual themes were empha­ lectors, eucharistic ministers and fessors and administrators in full night. University: Page 3 sized by the title of the inaugu- more Jesuit priests than are gen­ Local Personalities: Page 2 McLaren Business School to A Fractured Peace Move to Army Training Site Panel addresses Mid-East conflict

Leah Hltchlngs the best hope for peace," Zunes New business building to create more room for new NEWS EDITOR said. "It's the opposite. The US The University of San has been screwing things up." faculty and social space for students Francisco community contin­ In contrast, Brysk said, "I ued its discussion of the think it's naive to say that the Mill Shah Middle East conflict and its re­ US is causing this conflict. ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR schools offer their students simply Fundraising activities are al­ percussions for students on This violence has been occur­ Prior to his departure from the in regards to space and environ­ ready underway but won't kick November 27 in Crossroads ring for centuries, since the University of San Francisco, Rev. ment, and we can do the same for into full gear until designs and lay­ Caft. A panel of speakers gave rule ofthe Ottomans." John P. Schlegel, S.J. designated the our students," he added. outs for the building are approved their viewpoints and opinions The two speakers disagreed present ROTC building as the fu­ The third reason for the new and final. on the conflict in a forum over the truth of certain points, ture site for the new McLaren building is the technology issue. University Advancement and called "A Fractured Peace." The and Brysk took offense at some School of Business and Manage­ "I think we would be offering the School of Business and Man­ speakers included Stephen of Zunes' topics. ment. students the highest quality of edu­ agement are partnering in Zunes, associate professor of "I have problems with some Still in the preliminary plan­ cation," Muscat said. fundraising endeavors. politics and Seth Brysk, the di­ of Zunes' facts," said Brysk. ning stages, the new building will The next several months are The question of the current rector of San Francisco Hillel. Both Zunes and Brysk at­ likely be built in what is called the planning stages, according to Mus­ McLaren School of Business and Assistant professor of politics tacked Yassir Arafat. "Arafat is "underhill" area of the University cat. Management is also an issue. •Cynthia Boaz mediated the really slimey," said Zunes. "The of San Francisco Lone Mountain "The most important thing right "Right now we're part of a dor­ discussion. Palestinian Authority officials Campus between the new Jesuit now is getting the drawings created mitory,' said Muscat. Both Zunes and Brysk have Rolexes, Mercedes cars residence, Loyola House, and the and approved, and the dean of the Once the building is finished, it called for a peaceful end to the and villas." School of Education. school [Gary Williams] is oversee­ is likely that the McLaren building fighting, but each had a differ­ Brysk said, "The Palestin­ The actual building is expected ing much of that." Williams is in will revert to dorms, an obvious ben­ ent perspective on the issue. ians have the reputation of not to take up from 50,000 to 70,000 Asia and was unable to comment. efit for students living on campus. WhUe Brysk emphasized the being good negotiators. If only square feet and will be structurally importance of negotiation be­ the Palestinians had another designed to "hug the side of the tween Israelis and Palestinians, Nelson Mandela." hill," said Eugene Muscat, Associ­ Zunes focused on the inappro­ After the two men spoke, ate Dean of the School of Business priate actions of the US gov­ they fielded questions from and Management. ernment and its involvement students. Topics discussed in­ "We've outgrown the current in the conflict. cluded the role of Palestinian business school facilities," said "As a Jew, as an Israeli citi­ children in the conflict, the re­ Muscat. zen, the recent round of vio­ ality of a peace and the nego­ He said that there were three lence is something that deeply tiation skills of each side. main reasons why the University of troubles me and Israel," said One student, a Palestinian, San Francisco decided that it was UNIVERSITY of Brysk, who works with Jewish addressed the speakers and time to build a new business school IV**—. ..•••: students at USF, SF State Uni­ audience with an impassioned building. versity and other institutions. description of her background "We've added faculty and don't "It's scary and tragic. I think and emotional reactions to the have anywhere to put them," he a n S both sides really want to end conflict. "What's underpin­ said. £ . <*ool this." ning a lot ofthe violence now "There are also no real social Zunes cited the US as the is that it's a war between teen­ spaces in the present building for cause of much of the Middle agers," she said. "I'm Palestin­ students to informally meet or just Eastern violence. "There's a ian, but we are all part of the have a cup of coffee," he said. The future site ofthe McLaren School of business will be at the current myth out there - that the US is human race." "I've seen what other business ROTC location. San Francisco Foghorn NEWS November 30, 2000 Local Personalities Turn Out for Inauguration

From Front Page academic regalia. It took more gural theme of "Educating for a than 15 minutes for the inaugu­ Just Society." Levada said that the ral procession to move com­ Church is "proud of this univer­ pletely from outside the church sity" and praised the papal docu­ on Fulton Street to the first sev­ ment "Ex Corde Ecclesiae," which eral pews in the nave, while the he said, "invites us to renew co­ organist accompanied the stop- operation between the Church and-go foot traffic with festive and its universities in educating works by Telemann and Gigout. for a just society." Aside from Levada fur- a brief musical ther remarked interlude, upon the ap­ speeches by "Fr. Privett, I am propriateness members of delighted the respon­ of holding the the University, sibility for affordable inauguration The City, and upon the anni­ the Society of housing has been versary of the Jesus ac­ transferred directly Jesuit martyr­ counted for to you." dom in El Sal­ most of the vador, calling two-and-a- —Willie Brown it "an expres­ half-hour long MAYOR OF SAN FRANCISCO sion of ceremony. Af- — newfound soli­ ter an invoca­ darity of the tion to "The Spirit of Wisdom, Church in the Americas." Love and Peace" by Maureen Welcoming Privett on behalf

Pryor, executive director of Uni­ of the California Province of the COURTESY OE MEDIA RELATIONS versity Ministry, Dr. Esther Society of Jesus was Rev. Thomas Rev. Stephen A. Privett, SJ. and the Most Rev. William J. Levada, Archbishop of San Francisco, react to one of Madriz, an associate professor of Smolich, S.J. Smolich spoke the numerous speakers at the inauguration ofFr. Privett, the 27th president ofthe University. Speakers included sociology, welcomed Privett on about "creative fidelity in Jesuit Mayor Willie Brown, Professor Esther Madriz, Jenny Go, executive director ofthe Jesuit Education Conference behalf of the University. Madriz mission" and warned that of East Asia and Oceania, and Rev. Thomas Smolich, S.J. ofthe California Province ofthe Society of Jesus. spoke of her ongoing bout with Privett's is "at times a thankless cancer and called USF "a great job." Speaking of the Church in inaugural ceremony, reaction to was the desire for intense per­ place to work"; however, she also Jenny H. Go, executive direc­ general, Privett said, "Church is the event, and Privett's speech, in sonal growth, along with USF's used her time at the podium to tor of the Jesuit Education Con­ a. symbol of all things which particular, was positive. need to serve the world," challenge the new president to ference of East Asia and Oceania, point us in the right direction According to sophomore Stanfield said. provide af­ spoke on be- and send us home." Because of its Mark Jwayad, "Fr. Privett's speech Reacting to the entire cer­ fordable hous- half of the de­ connection was actually emony, John Galten, director of ing for faculty, veloping coun­ with the very moving to the St. Ignatius Institute, called it, in addition to "This is not just tries of the Church, me, being a "very impressive for its dignity the Loyola another institution world. Speak­ Privett said, "The ceremony was performing and the excellent remarks of the Heights com­ locked in a grim ing upon the USF has a uplifting and moving. arts major. His speakers. Ms. Go's talk was espe­ plex currently place of Asian higher goal I wasn't the least bit emphasis on cially beautiful and challenging." under con­ struggle for survival schools in the than other the arts and on Archbishop Levada, who had struction. Ad- with other institu­ "Jesuit family universities. tempted to head for promoting been at the inaugural mass the dressing tions." of universi­ "This is not the door early." USF's name previous day, didn't seem tired of Privett directly, ties," Go de­ just another —Most Rev. William J. will hopefully USF as he munched finger foods Madriz said, —Rev. Stephen A. scribed the de­ institution Levada make us a bet­ at the reception. "The ceremony "Onsite, af­ Privett, S.J. sire of Jesuit locked in a ter school. I'm was uplifting and moving. I ARCHBISHOP OF SAN FRANCISCO fordable hous­ UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT institutions in grim struggle excited." wasn't the least bit tempted to ing is your Asia to work for survival Senior head for the door early," said challenge, Fr. with those in with other in­ Gerlie Collado Levada. Privett," provoking a wave of the West. "Come to Asia," she stitutions," Privett said. The said, "I think that for the first Mobbed by well-wishers, and laughter from the crowd. said. "There you will be able to president went on to discuss "the time I understood the impor­ no doubt tired from a long day, Mayor Willie Brown, who listen deeply to us — our hopes centrality ofthe performing arts" tance of social justice to the the new president said, "This is a spoke immediately after Madriz and dreams. Together we can to Jesuit institutions throughout school. I left proud to be a part great place to be." to welcome Privett on behalf of weave our dreams to sustain the their history, quoting a sixteenth ofthe ceremony and of this com­ The City, capitalized upon promotion of justice." century critic who said, "There is munity." Madriz's remark about afford­ The actual inauguration ofthe no one like the Jesuits for doing "The stories, especially about able faculty housing. new president took only minutes. pirouettes." the struggle of Salvadorans to Correction "Fr. Privett," said Brown, "I am Dominic Tarantino, chairman of He described the necessity of survive during the war, were very delighted the responsibility for the Board of Trustees, commis­ "art for humanizing persons." powerful," said Professor Julio In our story of Novem­ affordable housing has been sioned Privett to serve the Uni­ Describing humanity, Privett Moreno, who grew up in El Sal­ ber 16, "Students Accuse transferred directly to you." Af­ versity by "finding God in all said, "We are knowers and lovers; vador. Professor of Bias Against Is­ ter a roar of things through we are head and heart." Quoting Professor Mike Stanfield was rael," we inadvertently did laughter, the excellence in St. Augustine, Privett said, "Our also moved by the new not contact Asi Bercovitch mayor said, education." hearts are inherently restless." president's speech. "The most for her comments. "But there's "I think that for the ASUSF Presi­ Privett expanded upon this profound message that I heard still MUNI." first time I under­ dent Holly idea, saying that the source of this Brown then stood the importance Hogan then restlessness is the desire for truth. went on to of social justice to moved to­ "Discovering the truth...is its praise USF's wards Privett, own reward and delight because leadership in the school. I left carrying the we are actually designed to the commu­ proud to be a part of shining Chain know," Privett said. What we are nity and the the ceremony and of of Office in her designed to know, he went on to Win prizei diversity of the hands. As say, is the "Fullness of truth and student popu­ this community." Hogan was se­ love, which we believe is God." lation. Taking —Gerlie Collado curing the From his experiences in El Sal­ on the royal STUDENT symbol of vador, Privett gave personal Those of you that registered for a "we favored presidential depth to his convictions. He by Queen authority spoke about a man who lost both Foghorn email account on Victoria, Brown anticipated fur­ around his neck, Privett light­ of his legs to the violence of sol­ ther cooperation between the ened the solemn moment by pat­ diers and was forced to move, foghornonline.com, you should University and The City. ting her on the arm. with his wife, from the land he "As mayor of this city, we look Privett rose to give his inau­ had worked all his life. The man have been notified through that forward to continuing our close gural address and was greeted by and his wife went to a lake where relationship with USF," said a standing ovation from the large he could fish all day, every day, email account ifyou were the Brown. After praising the crowd. Neither long nor compli­ his wife carrying him to and from University's commitment to so­ cated, Privett's address focused the boat. While Privett said, winner of the mp3 player and/or cial justice and architectural im­ upon the central role of the "Compassion devoid of reason provement, the mayor concluded Church in the University: leading leads to useless sentimentality," additional prizes. his remarks by stating, "We stand students to a life that will bring he attempted to demonstrate the ready, willing and able to follow them to their "eternal home." practical necessities of social jus­ your lead." Privett spoke of St. Ignatius tice through his real life observa­ The Most Rev. William J. Church as a neighborhood land­ tions. Congratulations! Levada, Archbishop of San Fran­ mark that lost children use to At the reception in the cisco, spoke about Privett's inau- find their way home. McLaren Complex, following the San Francisco Foghorn NEWS November 30,2000 NEWS BRIEFS University Participates in World AIDS Day The University of San Francisco campus will commemorate Various Volunteer Projects thel3th Annual World AIDS Day on December 1 by hosting a week of activities to inform students about the HIV virus and AIDS. Spon­ sored by the Student Health Education Program and over fifteen other From Front Page USF departments and student organizations, the theme of this year's collections to cooking for others, AIDS Day is "We All Make a Difference," focusing on the global im­ the holiday and Jesuit spirit is 1 pact of AIDS. The AIDS Memorial Quilt will be displayed in the also apparent throughout the L McLaren Complex from November 29 to December 1. Also on No­ campus. I • 1 vember 29, a panel, made up of a physician, an HIV positive patient, Operation Shoebox - <# i ( and an HIV test counselor, will meet. There will be a HIV/AIDS Health Over 70 shoeboxes were filled ^HMMP II Fair from 12:30 p.m. to 1:30 p.m. on November 30 in McLaren 252. I with toys, school supplies, hy­ Also on November 30, there will be an AIDS Memorial Reflection giene items, like a toothbrush or •iff? Service that will refelct on the impact of HIV around the world. For a comb, candy, clothes and small >H:- • '_? '»t more information on any of these events or to pick up a red ribbon, picture books as part of the Stu­ i|§ contact the Student Health Education Program at x6702 or stop by at dent Athlete Advisory Board r ..*___!. UC201. sponsored community service *'k ' . 9 m project called Operation Christ­ 4r mas Child. * " M> K 7 4 *94 The project is part of a na­ '± «*3s»-' '•*£**•' SSiPPB a NATO and NWO tional endeavor based in North #Rv-l n Two senior NATO Supreme Allied Commander briefing officers, Carolina to collect gifts for im­ COURTESY OF ALUMNI RELATIONS Lt. Colonel Peter W Reynolds of the British Army and Commander poverished international chil­ The USF Alumni Association assisted in organizing a Thanksgiving food Werner Schmitt of the German Navy will join the university com­ dren. One of the project's guide­ drive for the Sacred Heart Catholic School and Parish. munity for a lunch time discussion tomorrow from 12:30 p.m. to 2 lines is to not include war-related p.m. in the Faculty Lounge. NATO's new strategy for dealing with items, such as toy guns, toy sol­ people nutritious meals in an en­ Grads Give Back international crises, NATO enlargement, Bosnia mission and the fu­ diers or knives. vironment where the homeless In a partnership with the Sa­ ture of SFOR, NATO and Russia, and the current events in Kosovo "I agree with the policy be­ can relax and regain their self-re­ cred Heart Catholic School and are a few ofthe issues that will be addressed. For more information, cause the countries we are send­ spect. "In sharing a meal with the Parish, the Alumni Association contact Cynthia Boaz in the department of Politics at x5766. The ing these toys to, some of them shelter guests, we put a human assisted with a Thanksgiving event is open to the entire university community. are in serious civil wars or battles face on the problem • of food drive for the parish's needy with other countries and I think homelessness, facing the poor families. we shouldn't promote violence in with humility They pro­ a society that's prone to that sort and compas- vided 70 fami­ Spanish Christmas of thing," said Laura Danner- sion, strength­ lies—up from The Music Minor at USF will present and sponsor a rarely heard Baird, SAAB vice president for ening our re­ "For the most part, last year's 65— Spanish and Latin-American music concert called Candlelight Christ­ internal affairs. solve as a com­ people gave stuff we with all the es­ mas from Spain and the New World. The performers are the San Danner-Baird said the event munity of faith requested, but we sentials to pre­ Francisco Back Choir and the Coro Hispano de San Francisco who was a success, with an over­ to work for so­ pare a Thanks­ will be joined by the Conjunto Nuevo Mundo in spectacular joint whelming support from the Col­ cial justice," ac­ also got pantry giving dinner, performance celebrating the rich musical heritage of Spain and the lege of Professional Studies and cording to the leftovers from 1973 including 20- Spainsh-speaking New World. From the ethereal strains of polychoral the athletic teams. Parish's press like cans of Spam." pound turkeys, motets to jazzy dance rhythms of folk-inspired villancicos, this excit­ Reach Out and Cook for release. purchased ing ensemble will present a luminous and joyful program of Renais­ Someone The out­ —Don Morgan with the funds sance and Baroque treasures from the diverse culture that inspired The St. Ignatius parish is or­ reach project ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF ALUMNI RELATIONS collected from such artists and composers as Juan Bautista Comes and Carlos Mejia ganizing their annual event of will take place an alumni Godoy. The concert will be held in St. Ignatius Church on Saturday, cooking and serving dinner to from Decem­ fund raiser. December 16 at 8 p.m. and on Sunday, December 17 at 4 p.m. at homeless people at the San Fran­ ber 3 tol6 and January 14 to Feb­ Assistant Director of Alumni Calvary Presbyterian Church at Fillmore and Jackson. Tickets are cisco Interfaith Council Shelter ruary 3. The cooking will take Relations Don Morgan's office $18 to $20. For discounted tickets, contact Music Coordinator throughout the winter months. place in the Xavier Hall kitchen. was piled high with donations of Alexandra Amati-Camperi at x2072. The goal of the Shelter Meal Volunteers are needed in two all the fixings for a Thanksgiving Program is to feed homeless shifts daily. dinner: canned cranberry sauce, gravy mix, potatoes, canned yams, and pumpkin pie filling. OFF THE HILLTOP "We had canned food every­ where, stacked to the ceiling on both sides of the office," said Porn Star Addresses Crowd nounced capitalism and advo­ Morgan. "For the most part, Nina Hartley, a well- cated the decriminalization of people gave stuff we requested, known porn star and self-pro­ prostitution. but we also got pantry leftovers claimed feminist, spoke to a She said she strongly be­ from 1973 like cans of Spam." crowd of 250 people this week lieves in having safe and sober Morgan said the Spam and at the University of California sex. other non-Thanksgiving food at Berkeley. "My own code of ethics is was donated to the Parish's Se­ Hartley, a 12-year sex busi­ to treat a person respectfully." nior Food Shelter. ness veteran who has been in She said she loves her job The food drive couldn't have more than 550 pornographic and has no regrets, but admit­ been a success without the help of movies, is a Berkeley native ted she has had to make some the Student Alumni Association. and registered nurse. difficult decisions because of Members organized the food as it At 21, she became a strip­ her career. came in, boxed it for transporta­ per and said she quickly fell in "At one point in my life I tion to the parish and assembled love with the sex business. thought I would one day have the food boxes for the families. "I am always happy to hear kids," she said. Elizabeth Santiago, a senior, about people who grew up on "But then I realized that was a key organizer for the event. my movies," she said. between the ages of 13 and 18 "It was a lot of fun and it went "At least they are watching they hate you anyway, and I really smooth this year because a woman who is having fun," didn't want my kid to come there was more organization," she added. home one day crying Santiago said. Although many women 'Mommy, Johnny's mommy Flexi Food for Families criticize her for her profes­ says you're a whore,'" she Over $26,000 was donated by sion, Hartley said it has helped added. USF students in this year's her gain understanding of Hartley ended the talk on Thanksgiving Flexi Food Drive, sexual relationships. a note of female sexual em­ organized by University Ministry, "In the real world, men powerment. which supplied more than 650 have to jump through a lot of "Use your power for good, families with Thanksgiving hoops to get sex," she said. not evil." meals. "Women's bodies are say­ —The Daily Californian Last Monday, students, faculty ing yes, but their words are The University of and staff volunteered their ve­ saying no. In movies, wpmen California, Berkeley hicles to transport food to St. want it just as bad as men do. Peter's Elementary School in the

It is not 'how much money do COURTESY OF AI.UMNI RELATIONS Mission district and St.Anthony's you make, how big are your Senior Erin Terbush participated in the Thanksgiving food drive. Foundation in the Tenderloin. shoulders' but rather T want it, you're cute, we have time,'" Send press releases and calendar listings to: Leah Hitchings said Hartley. News Department NEWS EDITOR Contact us at- San Francisco Foghorn Attention: News Department Mill Shah Along with a healthy dose 415.422.6122 (MAIN) ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR of sex advice, Hartley de­ 415.422.2751 (FAX) 2130 Fulton Street [email protected] ( E-MAIL) San Francisco, CA 94117-1080 San Francisco Foghorn NEWS November 30, 2000 President Privett Addresses University

Fr. Privett's address, as deliv­ and alluring place where we long ered at his installation as the 27th to be. For Jesuit universities "that president ofthe University of San place" is the common destiny of Francisco, November 18,2000 in all men and women - not just a St. Ignatius Church. select number of the best and the I am confident that 58 years brightest, the deserving and the ago, my mother, Peg, who is sit­ -enterprising, the articulate and ting here next to my older brother, the witty. In fact, no one of us will John, never thought that all of us ultimately find our way home would be in St Ignatius Church, unless all of us do. I am reminded half a block up from the hospital of a young volunteer church where I was born. My mother has worker in Guatemala, who told told us that she came out of the me that he learned from his two- anesthesia after year experience my birth to the that if all the beautiful voices people of the of the Mercy I am honored to have world were Sisters singing placed in a High Mass, be­ been chosen the single-file line, cause the ma­ 27th president of the he would be at ternity ward University of San the very front was right un­ Francisco, and I am of that line. der the chapel. And he could She thought, privileged to accept spend the rest for a moment this charge from the of his life try­ that she was Chair of our Board of ing to get fur­ . waking up in ther ahead in heaven. While I Trustees, Mr. the line or he have no illu­ Dominic Tarantino. could turn COURTESY OF MEDIA RELATIONS The audience, including Archbishop William J. Levada, gave Fr. Privett a standing ovation at his inaugural sions about —Rev. Stephen A. around and having died look back at address. and gone to Privett, S.J. the all the heaven, I am UN1V1 RSI IV PRESDIFM people behind considerable talents and their en­ versities is well documented. An ing humanly together in this honored to him — four- tire academic careers to serving as 18th century critic wryly ob­ world. The compassionate have been cho­ fifths of the the moral compass in a country served, "There is no one like the promptings of our heart point us sen the 27th president of the Uni­ world. He chose to do the latter where the vast majority of poor Jesuits for doing pirouettes." Jesuit homeward. To muffle our heart's versity of San Francisco, and I am and that has made all the differ­ Salvadorans were the victims of a commitment to the arts was voice with hollow assertions that privileged to accept this charge ence, for him and for them. mindless violence and terror, sav­ driven by an underlying convic­ it's not our problem or by con­ from the Chair of our Board of In my own Catholic tradition, agely directed toward maintaining tion that exposure to the finest stantly changing the subject is to Trustees, Mr. Dominic Tarantino. .there are numerous stories in the privileged status of a small but expressions of the human spirit take a fork in the road that leads Dom is a person of warmth, in­ which Jesus describes festive wealthy and powerful elite. These results in people absorbing some­ nowhere." telligence, compassion, and integ­ meals where the poor, the de­ University martyrs whom we re­ thing of that spirit. We have vivid Pleas of the heart are not the rity. The University is proud to spised, and the shunned make up member today pointed out to an descriptions of dramatic produc­ only voice calling us home. The claim him as an alumnus. His af­ the guest list; stories where the entire nation the narrow and steep tions at Jesuit voice of reason fection for and commitment to people we would seat at head pathway home that they walked, universities is our heart's USF, coupled with his persuasive tables don't even make it into the but too few were willing to follow. wherein "a boy most needed abilities, prevailed in my decision banquet room. Jesus told these They exercised their human and speaks as he Achieving the full­ and trusted to come home to San Francisco. stories to draw a sharp and reveal­ academic responsibilities with the drops from a ness of our humanity companion on requisite rigor and the marshal­ cloud to stage. Anne Lamott, in her autobio­ ing contrast between the way — the goal of a life's journey. graphical work Traveling Mercies, things are and the way he thought ling of compelling evidence that Europe, Asia, Reason is the relates the story of her best friend things should be. Our world is a is the heart of the academic en­ Africa, humanistic education strongest and who got lost one day when she was place where 40,000 people die terprise. May their passion for the America, borne — requires that we clearest voice only 7 years old. Anne writes, "the each day from easily preventable truth and their courage in its tell­ through the air attend to the full in the conver­ little girl ran up and down the diseases; it should not be this way. ing continue to be a model and an in chariots, en­ sation that is streets ofthe big town where they Our world is a place where $2.4 inspiration for all of us at the Je­ ter from the complexity of the authentic edu­ lived but she couldn't find a single billion dollars a day is spent on suit University of San Francisco. four corners of human person. We cation. If it is landmark. She was very fright­ weapons of destruction, while The University of San Fran­ the earth. Here are knowers and true that rea­ ened. Finally a policeman stopped three billion people live on less cisco is where Ignatius Loyola, the is performed, son without to help her. He put her in the pas­ than two dol­ founder of the after Indian lovers. We are head compassion is senger seat of his car and they lars a day; Jesuit order, fashion, a and heart. ruthlessly nar­ drove around until she finallysa w where the total wanted Jesuit sportive —Rev. Stephen A. row, it is cer­ her church. She pointed it out to assets of the The University of San universities to dance." These tainly true that staged spec­ Privett, S.J. the policeman, and then she told wealthiest 358 Francisco remains be — in the compassion him very firmly,'yo u could let me individuals ex­ center of a tacles of sight UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT uninformed by out now. That is my church, and I ceed the com­ unequivocally com­ great city. To and sound reason degen­ can always find my way home bined annual mitted to critically Ignatius' con­ were not ars erates into from there.'" income of the assessing the way sistently strate­ gratia artis of that growling MGM mere sentimentality. And senti­ This church in which we are poorest 45% of gic way of lion from my childhood, but art mentality is a dead-end street. assembled, with its twin spires the world's things are so that thinking, im­ for the sake of humanizing per­ Sentimentality evokes the and spacious dome, dominates population; it our teaching, our portant cities sons who make the culture that novelist's image of Russian nobles the local landscape and, for many, should not be scholarship, our drove the shapes us all. May challenging in­ weeping profusely at the death of symbolizes the University of San this way. The dividuals and influencing culture Mimi in the opera La Boheme students, and alumni economy, were Francisco. For the lost child in the University of the seats of to more effectively reflect the full while their servants literally froze story, the church was not "home" San Francisco make this world government, depth ofour graced humanity re­ to death outside on the streets of but the place from which she remains un­ more like the place it the centers of main a hallmark of education at St. Petersburg. could always find her way home. equivocally the Jesuit University of San Fran­ should be. religion and Achieving the fullness of our For me, church is a metaphor for committed to the arts; all the cisco. humanity — the goal of a human­ all those "landmarks" — wise and critically as­ —Rev. Stephen A. Privett, key institutions I would qualify the old saying istic education — requires that we compassionate mentors; challeng­ sessing the way SJ. and influences that "home is where the heart is" attend to the full complexity ofthe ing human experiences; a reveal­ things are so UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT of culture ema­ with Augustine's insight that our human person. We are knowers and ing book or movie; an inspiring that our teach­ nated from the hearts are inherently restless, be­ lovers. We are head and heart. While talk or a touching story — all ing, our schol­ great cities. cause our ultimate satisfaction — knowledge by itself will not take us those things that point our lives arship, our stu­ Ignatius our final home — is beyond our home, the attainment of knowledge in the right direction and send us dents, and alumni make this wanted Jesuit universities to be own ability to construct. But we is among the most satisfying of all home. For that reason, "church" is world more like the place it should urban institutions so that they must attend to that interior land­ human achievements. Discovering an apt metaphor for a Jesuit uni­ be. May this critical sensitivity to could influence culture through mark, the restlessness of our very the truth — whether in mathemat­ versity, whose responsibility, at the injustices of our world con­ scholarship and teaching; so that human hearts, if ever we are to ics or literature, botany or law, or­ one level, is to help each of us and tinue as a driving force behind the culture — whose all-pervasive in­ find the path that leads us all ganizational theory or nursing — all of us "find our way home." Jesuit University of San Francisco. fluence is as taken for granted by home. I recall novelist Andrew is its own reward and delight be­ A Jesuit university is not just These past two days, the spec­ us as water is by fish — itself Pham's reflections upon looking cause we are naturally oriented to one more institution of higher tre of our martyred colleagues would support a humane way of into the pleading face of a child know, even if our thirst for knowl­ education locked in a grim and their cook and her daughter being together in the world, which beggar in Vietnam to whom he edge is unquenchable. Intellectual struggle for survival with other at the Jesuit University in El Sal­ is, after all, the goal of humanis­ had just given all the money in his satisfaction comes in bits and pieces such institutions. The vision of a vador looms large in our celebra­ tic education in the arts and sci­ pockets. He writes in Catfish and — more in the search for knowl­ Jesuit university does not lock on tion and in our consciousness. ences. Mandela: edge and truth than in their pos­ These renowned and gifted itself, but looks beyond the imme­ The centrality of the perform­ "Our capacity to feel the mis­ session. If our hearts are restless, so scholar-teachers dedicated their diate horizon to that mysterious ing arts in the earliest Jesuit uni­ ery of another is central to our be- New President: Page 5 San Francisco Foghorn NEWS November 30, 2000 New President Focuses on Social Justice From Page 4 are our minds. Restlessness is the Intelligence and compassion, graduates are first generation col­ ranges topically fromreligion' s role in one of the world's great cities; a core of our humanity. The Catho­ knowledge and love, head and lege students. Providing a quality in the lives of new immigrants to "church" — a place where all who lic tradition maintains that our heart together — and only to­ education to immigrants and the trademark law to the biological ef­ have lost their way may return to deepest desires — to know and to gether — will lead us all safely sons and daughters of immigrants fects of ozone depletion to applied find their way home again. Apro­ love — are of God, and far from home. On the eve of India's inde­ will forever be a heart-felt concern economics to controlling pos of this, I cite the concluding being doomed pendence and of the Jesuit University of San schizophrenics' paragraph in to frustration in face of Francisco. inner voices to Chesterton's bi­ impel us be­ nearly insur­ This is a University community telecommuni­ ography of yond ourselves This is a University mountable where students, faculty, and staff cations man­ May this University Charles toward the full­ community where challenges, learn from each other; where di­ agement — and be "church" - a Dickens: ness of truth when Gandhi versity is not a political agenda, but all topics and is­ "...com­ and love, which students, faculty, and was asked what the necessary ingredient of a qual­ sues in between. place that warmly radeship and we believe is the staff learn from each he feared most, ity education in the 21st century. Our faculty's welcomes all who serious joy are person of God. other; where diver­ he replied, We learn from hearing each other's scholarly work have lost their way not interludes These re­ "hardness of stories. The more diverse our sto­ does take them in our travels flections re­ sity is not a political heart in the ries, the richer the learning expe­ out of the class­ and points them home; but called for me a agenda, but the educated." rience. Dr. Ruth J. Simmons, who room and away toward that house rather our twilight walk necessary ingredient Gandhi would was just named president of Brown from students, with many mansions travels home toward Lake view with satis­ University, told a New York Times but vitalizes and are interludes Suchitoto in El of a quality education faction and reporter her story about shopping enriches the that is our home. in comrade­ Salvador over a in the 21st century. hope the rich as an African-American woman at learning envi­ —Rev. Stephen A. ship and joy, decade ago. I —Rev. Stephen A. blend of aca­ Bloomingdale's, Saks Fifth Avenue, ronment for all Privett, S.J. which through can still see two demic rigor and Ferragamo in New York City; our students. UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT God, shall en­ figures darkly Privett, S.J. and human how she was followed around by These are schol­ dure forever. outlined UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT „___„„„;J ^ _ suspicious department store clerks arly teachers The inn does compassion against a set- who seemed convinced that she who actively en­ not point to that constitute ting sun bril­ was about to shoplift something— gage students in their search for the the road; the road points to the education at liantly reflecting off the water. A not an uncommon experience for knowledge proper to each discipline inn. And all roads point at last to the Jesuit University of San Fran­ woman was lifting a man out of a black and Latino Americans. Dr. and for those broader truths that an ultimate inn, where we shall cisco. small rowboat and dragging him Simmons said that she will retell serve as the points against which we meet with Dickens and all his In my eight weeks as president, from the water's edge up the her story to Brown students, be­ may chart our lives' course. characters: and when we drink I have discovered that the Univer­ shore. I asked my friend what was cause, "If we could get a cadre of We are proud of those whom again it shall be from the great sity of San Francisco is uniquely going on. She explained to me that leaders who are bold enough and we have educated. You alumni are flagons in the tavern at the end positioned to remain a landmark the young man lost both legs courageous enough and intelligent an important part ofour story. You of the world." not only for the citizens of this when the Salvadoran army at­ enough... we could change soci­ are the value added to society by May comradeship and serious great city but for the all the peoples tacked a group of unarmed, inno­ ety." Educating students for bold, Jesuit education at the University joy animate the Jesuit University of ofthe Pacific Rim, whom this city cent campesinos working in the courageous and intelligent leader­ of San Francisco. The story that I San Francisco and give us a little opens its arms to and embraces. cornfields. Without legs this ship that changes society is what tell with anecdotes and statistics taste of the satisfaction that we all The diversity of our city and our campesino could no longer work we are about at the Jesuit Univer­ and illustrations, you alums tell by will finallyenjoy . May this Univer­ University community closely mir­ the land he loved. So he and his sity of San Francisco. who you are, as much as by what sity be "church" - a place that ror the rich complexity of our wife came down from the moun­ In my first few weeks here, I you say. I ask you today to tell the warmly welcomes all who have lost world. The University of San Fran­ tains to the lake, where she could learned that the University of San story of the University of San Fran­ their way and points them toward cisco first served Irish and Italian put him in a boat each morning Francisco is uniquely graced with cisco more loudly and clearly than that house with many mansions immigrants who otherwise had no and he could row out to deeper administrators, faculty and staff you may have done in the past. that is our home. May this access to quality education. The waters and fish all day. In the keenly attuned to its mission and Ours is a rich and endearing story morning's celebration of compan­ original roster of student names evening, he rowed back to shore deeply committed to promoting which all of us have had a hand in ionship and joy strengthen our has expanded over the years from where she waited to gently lift him student learning in the Jesuit hu­ writing. Let us continue to write it sense of solidarity with the entire Cleary, O'Brien, Pinasco, and up and drag him to the shack that manistic tradition of the arts and well and tell it with passion and human family and give us suste­ Vanzinni, to include Nguyen, was their home. Together — and sciences. Our faculty actively pur­ pride. nance and purpose on our journey Aquino, Takashi, Gonzales, and only together — were they able to sue and create knowledge through I began with the assertion that home. Chang. We are proud that after 145 eke out an existence. outstanding scholarship which this University is a global landmark Thank you. years, 25 percent of our under­

6 Taps of foreign and domestic "water/' two "water"-tenders, and weekly "water" specials.

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Leah Hitchings News Editor more +-V\«n Convenience. Matt Larriva Opinion Editor So, CA provided under Myra SandOVal Scene Editor William Fairbourn and Florid* I AW, I h*ve Meg K. Kelly Christopher A. BeSS Chief Copy Editors Editor-in-Chief Jonathan Martinez SportsWeek Editor decided fo con-red- Mark McNee Bexie Towle Photography Editor Ginny Zeppa Production Editor +his inAcciArafe an 4 Jessica Dryden-Cook Janelle Noble Online Editor Managing Editors complex recount Business and Advertising Lia Steakley order +0 ensure George Sanchez Dinika Amaral Business Manager Support Staff Executive Editors Mill Shah Assistant News Editor w* wu tu tu John Beveridge and Chad Mahalich •Ui Ma. wu Assistant SportsWeek Editors b1U Lauren Gallagher and Natalie Shahmiri *l bu tututii * Assistant Scene Editors * bU tU bU... Nada Johnson Assistant Copy Editor Donna Rosenthal Faculty Adviser

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SUBMISSION Letters to the Editor POLICY Calling fora n end to controversy tigation, durnig the course of Break Up Needed Columns for the Opinion section and Dear Editor: which I met and discussed the While we value the merits Letters to the Editor are gladly ac­ As this semester rumbles to Recent issues of the Foghorn matter with students in Professor cepted from students, faculty, staff a close, we return from our of hard work, more than three have contained reports and letters Zunes's class, "Government and and alumni. first brief holiday since Labor months of constant hard work calling into question the academic Politics ofthe Middle East." Day. It is clear that the long, becomes counterproductive: All materials must be signed and in­ professionalism of Professor J. Academic freedom lies at the clude your printed name, address and uninterrupted stretch be­ quantity over quality. Stephen Zunes of the Politics De­ heart of the academic enterprise, telephone number for verification. tween summer and Thanks­ While we are indebted to partment. Amongst other things, and administrative action to cur­ giving unnecessarily strains the Administration for their Professor Zunes stands accused of tail that freedom requires clear and Please include your University Status the endurance of both stu­ benevolent concession in pro­ allowing his political biases to compelling evidence of abuse: O (class standing or title). dents and professors to the viding a Thanksgiving holiday, compromise the academic integ­ have found no such evidence, and We reserve the right to edit materials breaking point. this four-day weekend, is stra­ rity of his teaching and of creating accoridingly, consider the matter submitted. All submissions become the While national holidays tegically positioned to suffer an environment hostile to the ex­ closed. property ofthe San Francisco Foghorn. flash by without so much as a from end-of-term assign­ pression of opposing views. At the Columns ofnotmorethan 600 words passing glance from the Ad­ ments. request of Professor Zunes and Stanley D. Nel should be submitted by 5 p.m. on the ministration, the quality of All too often, the holiday others, I have conducted an inves­ Dean, College of Arts and Sciences Monday before publication. student work declines, profes­ sacred to our families is per­ sors' patience runs thin and verted by the heartless de­ Letters of 350 words or less should be submitted by 5 p.m. on the Monday we all end up losing too much mands of academia. BY before publication. sleep and assuming an unat­ A fall break halfway Getting You tractively haggard appearance. through the semester would LAUREN Shorter letters which get to the point What many universities restore the mental and physi­ have a greater chance of being pub­ GALLAGHER lished than long, rambling diatribes. have done to counteract the cal health of students and fac­ Through It... seemingly interminable ulty in preparation for the sec­ Anonymous letters are printed at the drudgery of the fall semester ond half of term, mercifully The papers are in, the finals are waiting for your return. Ah yes, discretion ofthe Editor-in-Chief. is budget time for a fall break. avoiding needless suffering. finished and the laundry is dirty these are the joys of being home If possible, material should be sub­ One small week in the Speaking of needless suf­ because the journey home is not for the holidays. Unfortunately mitted on disc (any format, middle of term would allow a fering, we wish you all the best far away. The bliss of mother's this is also mother's chance to re­ Macintosh/PC). period of recuperation from of luck throughout finals a cooking, the peace of one's own mind you that you're 5 months papers and sporadic midterms. happy holiday season. Editorials are written by the Foghom bathroom and the comfort of that behind in your chores, and that editorial staff. sweet spot on the couch that's just Jump: Page 7 Give Up, Gore The time has come for Al an embarrassment to him, his Gore to concede the election. party and our nation. While a recount was clearly nec­ While it must be incredibly essary to confirm a winner, con­ difficult to come so close to the scientious civil servants con­ highest office in the land and ducted recounts both by ma­ lose by an infinitesimal margin, chines and by hand in close the opportunity for a dignified counties. In accordance with withdrawal from the race has Florida law, the re-count was arrived with Florida's certifica­ certified. tion ofthe election results. The vice president has Gore's statement that he is missed an opportunity to be a not concerned with the negative real hero in this race. By con­ public opinion in response to ceding, he would put the stabil­ his continued pursuit of the ity of the nation ahead of indi­ presidency is admirable in prin­ vidual gain. ciple, but likely to be perma­ Though it is unfortunate that nently damaging to his politi­ the popular and electoral votes cal career. did not coincide, this nation op­ For his own good and the erates under the rule of law as good of the nation, Al Gore specified in the Constitution. should cease his futile attempt Al Gore's continuing at­ to take the election and begin HOW "THE £L£CT70AJIS wouu) -HA^E tempts to take the election getting used to the idea of pri­ through legal maneuvering is vate citizenship. ©2000 (ERRY DZ1KOWSKI—SAN FRANCISCO FOGHORN San Francisco Foghorn OPINION November 30,2000

Matt Larriva Election Reflection LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT November seventh was a long time. This has created more public BY LESLI POCOCK night for me. I was up until 4 am on distrust than Watergate. I also seri­ Cup an emotional roller coaster, taking a with a friend complain and eat prove that just a few votes do count ously doubt that this will be a two- few other people along with me. jellybeans. All hope was lost, when a in our elections. We have also man­ term presidency. First we heard that Gore had Florida, voice came through the halls, they aged to throw a bit more cynicism I just have two requests. First, I (you should know that although I took Florida back. We stayed up al­ out into a world overburdened with would really like it if the economy of don't love Gore, I really don't like most the whole night hoping for it. I found myself wondering if my didn't collapse in time for me to Bush) there was hope maybe Gore some word, but there was nothing. vote had actually been counted or graduate and get a job. Also, if might actually win. Then about an For the next few days I sat glued to if it were possible for ballot boxes there is anyone out there, just a hour later I heard that they were tak­ CNN. Still nothing. Recounts were to be misplaced or for some ma­ single politician/willing to tell me Holiday ing Florida back "It was too close to fought about, puncture marks and chine to read it wrong. the truth, please do. I want so call." Later that night I was huddled "chads" were topics of discussion This week Florida declared that much to find a leader I believe in. in a friend's room with a few other everywhere you went. I just came to Bush was the winner, about five You don't have to be perfect, just Bush haters, we were talking when the conclusion that the only solution minutes later Gore contested the re­ tell the truth, and it would be great Fear suddenly the room fell silent: they is to kick Florida out ofthe union. count. I have no idea who will be if you weren't a bigot. So, this is it, my dear readers. This were giving Florida to Bush; he was The whole thing has become in­ running the country for the next is the final issue ofthe first semester. the winner. We screamed, we cried, sane! Bill Clinton was right, though. four years. I do know that whoever Lesli Pocock is a senior commu­ It has been such an honor and a then we went to the front desk to sit If we have done one thing, it is to gets the job will have a very hard nications major. privelege to sit in front of this com­ puter week after week, hour after hour, meal after meal, ditched class after ditched class, to bring you the Santa Missing, Presumed Dead things that have been weighing on my mind. Now it is time to join the 'Tis the season to be jolly, my the family retires to their separate BY CAMILLE POND rest ofthe University community in foot. This is supposed to be the quarters to wait for dinner to be preparing for every college student's time of year filled with good tid­ replaced with a 36-hour mara­ served so they can hurry up and over receiving. worst nightmare: finals. ings and joy, but in reality all we If there was anybody out there thon of "A Miracle on 34th Street" eat and get on with their lives. AS Express had better stock up see is overcrowded shopping that still remembered the true and 14 different parades running Now, I may seem a little bitter on No Dose, the Bookstore really malls and depressed family mem­ meaning of the season, he or she simultaneously on every channel. towards this holiday time, but I needs to invest in the cd "Whales bers. Don't get me wrong, I am probably died around the time of Midnight mass can now be easily am only being honest. There are Alive" by Paul Winter (because it is by no means a "Grinch" or a Laura Ingalls and her little prai­ replaced by watching the "Trinity plenty of other people out there relaxing), and Crossroads should be "Scrooge," I am merely someone rie. Today it is all about pasting Bible Network" for 45 minutes who feel the same way, but they required to have Jolt and Redbull on who is fed up with the superfi­ on the best fake smillee in oror- at 9 pp.m . eastern standard are just too afraid to say it. This every shelf. This is "Finals Season" cial happiness and mass pro­ der to milk the mostt prepre - ^^^^ timetirr . Oh, and the fun year as you are pulling on your and the stress for all of us is about to duced commercial joy that this sents out of as many han s just begun, for it is green and red wool sweater with ny ^fl^^^^. begin. time of year brings. Relatives relatives as possible. only Christmas Eve. the cute little Santa and tiny little Tell me, who sat down and de­ come out of the woodwork The little nativity The party does not reindeer on the front, stop and cided that we have less than two screaming "Gimme, gimme," and scene on the liv­ really get under­ think about what this time of year weeks of classes left? This is insane. television shows like "Family ing room coffee way until Christ­ really means to you. Hopefully Wasn't it just last week that I decided Matters" and "Saved By the Bell" table might as mas morning. At you will be brought back to when to cut my history class and not have tried to teach us the real mean­ well be your this time the this time of year was about more to worry about cramming? Now, all ing of Christmas. Ifyou ask me, younger whole family than just getting presents, but was of a sudden, some higher being we should all take a gallon of brother's GI Joe action gathers around the tree about being with the ones you thinks that I should have to cry and Nyquil and sleep until January figures set up in a festive holiday and anticipates pushing the love and being content with that. twitch every night, thinking about 6th. Hopefully, by then, people arrangement. person next to them aside to get So, in closing, to you and your the end of the semester. I cannot will have put away their flashing "Baby who? our Lord what?" is the first grab at the presents. Fif­ kinfolk this holiday season, may comprehend how fast this semester Christmas lights and jugs of egg- probably what most people are teen minutes later when all the there be much joy in your world. has gone by, and how soon it is that I nog, and remember that they re­ thinking. The religious aspect of presents have been unwrapped Camille Pond is a freshman En­ will be forced to stay up for 345 con­ ally do not care about thy neigh­ this holiday time has all but been and at least 4 out of 7 people are glish major and the Assistant Opin­ secutive hours working on papers bor or the importance of giving completely forgotten. It has been disappointed with what the got, ion Editor. and midterms. There is a beloved Christmas diddy that goes, "..walking in a Win­ ter Wonderland." Looking around ...It Being the Holiday Season at the numerous dorm rooms, it seems that there is no "wonderland," From Page 6 members to serve as the audience. game, and will take the game out­ some sort of guitar. Plant yoursef only a "wasteland" of paper, empty she's been crushed beneath the Turn on the camera and proceed side to play with Fido in the front in the middle of the floor, and be­ Cherry Coke bottles and tissues full weight of the extra work. As she to dump Lysol on the floor, dance yard. You are then allowed to let gin your performance. Sing boldly ofthe remnants of that flu that went hands you the bucket, the mopfthe around with the mop, letting your­ your muscles rest up after the min­ one moment, then mumble for the around a month ago. This is the true Lysol, and the death of all toilet self slip and slide and crash onto iature game, so that your arms have next 4 bars, alternate singing stlyes setting for this "holiday" season for bowl brush, you pray to your the linolium for shock value. Then enough strength to use the TV and keys so as to keep your college students. guardian angel to send Mr. Clean, converse with the bucket and let it clicker. mother's attention. Ask your Maybe the "Finals Season" should or you can try some of the follow­ evolve into cursing. Stomp on the 4. Become the inquisitive child mother if this in any way resembles be marketed the same way as Christ­ ing excuses/activities: bucket and beat it with the mop. and ask your mother why she has what she remembers from her mas has been. That would put all of 1. Compliment your mother on Conclude by standing still and had to take up all of your chores? youth. Whatever she responds, us here at USF in a much more fes­ her appearance, "Wow, are those screaming "domestic frustration" Why hasn't dad pitched in? It is now implore her to do her own dem­ tive mood. I am thinking Finals pants the right size? They're look­ at the top of your lungs, and then time to bring up the classic phrase onstration, otherwise you will con­ Cards that say, "Wishing you and ing a bit baggy, have you lost collapse on the floor. Unplug the "a man's home is his castle." If a tinue with yours. If she refrains your roommate a happy finals sea­ weight? It must be all of these ex­ phone to make sure that your fam­ man's home is his castle, then that from her performance, beg her in­ son." How about professors plac­ tra chores that are keeping you so ily can't call 911, and follow with makes him the king of that castle, cessantly until she gives you a ing final essay questions on a dradel fit. While I've been hiking up and a lecture describing your much cel­ and makes his wife the queen and demo. She will then let her Janis and spinning their way through their down the San Francisco Hills, ebrated method of producing art any children would then be princes Joplin spirit free, and will become students' exams? I believe we all ' you've been keeping well by scrub­ live, so as to have the most pro­ or princesses. Royalty never sub­ so exhausted after the show that should put energy bars on a plate and bing everything in sight! How found affect on the audience since ject themselves to the household she will announce her need for a a glass of Safeway Vodka mixed with wonderful for you mom! I'm so they identify with your pain most chores, especially cleaning the nap. When she wakes up, continue Odwalla Orange Juice in front ofthe happy for you!" With any luck, easily when they physically see it. kitchen floor. As you and your to praise her for her impressive bathroom door for Cramta (the mother will blush with embarrass­ 3. Remind your mother of all mother are members of royalty, performance so that she forgets mythical firgure who delivers essays ment, and begin to talk about how those times that you enjoyed the abandon the kitchen and all other about the kitchen floor. As a new during the cramming hours to col­ she'd been wondering if the extra freedom of your youth by passing chores leaving your father a note star she must naturally get a new lege students who have been good work had made any difference, Sunday afternoons in death-bound reminding him of his duty to assign wardrobe if she is to further her all year). With practices like these, I while you tell her to keep up the ultimate frisbee matches. Don't let the chores to someone other than career, so it is now time to shop till honesdy believe that we could be a good work and that you'll dash out her forget all those times you called the royal family. Proceed to go out you drop. lot happier as we enter this period and get her that new pair of pants home for advice about how to take and spend the royal budget. Best of luck with all activities of torture. at Macy's. care of your busted knees, elbows, 5. Remark to your mother how involved with the holidays, espe­ Well kids, Matty here is not go­ 2. "Oh mom! This reminds me and bruised shins. .Explain how closely the mop resembles some of cially those that involve cleaning. ing to share with you his "wit," ifyou of a great art exhibit that I saw in sore your body is, and that St.Mary's the interesting hairdos that you've Even if none of these suggestions will, until February. Dry your eyes, The City one time. There's art all Health Clinic recommended at least witnessed in Haight Ashbury dur­ actually succeed, you will have get something to eat, take a nap and over the place up there, in the gal­ 3 months recovery time to avoid ing your time in San Francisco. had a pretty good time trying to be comforted that I will soon have leries, in the art schools, inside, chronically sore muscles. Follow up This would then lead to a discus­ persuade your mom to abandon much to talk about. I will miss you outside, it's great!! There's even this with a light demonstration of the sion ofthe music that people with the housework, and perhaps even so, and you, my dear readers, will be stuff called performance art and game with a paper plate (one of these hairdos often play on Haight discovered an artist or pro- on my mind as I sit in front of my everyone gets a big kick out of it." those foam ones that have more Street. Remind your mother that Frisbee player in your midst. compter, drink my energy drinks Before your mom can shove the weight) but be sure not to put out her generation is partially respon­ Happy Holidays!! and enjoy my steaming hot cup of mop in your hands, get the too much energy otherwise mother sible for this free form of music, quadruple espresso. camcorder, put it on the tripod and will not be convinced. Hopefully and proceed to demonstrate using Lauren Gallagher is a sophomore Happy Holidays and Merry grab any other nearby family mother will become hooked on the the mop as a wig and the stick as English major Stressmas! The Smuin Ballets of San Francisco 11/30 12/1 presents its alternative twist on the Tina Turner brings her soulful traditional Nutcracker performance Thursday Friday presence to the Arena in Oakland with its production of "The Christ­ Experience British pop stars BBMak Bring in the new season with the tonight with Joe Crocker. Take mas Ballet." Although the Nut­ in the intimate of setting ofthe Whistleaires' "Big Christmas Special", advantage of this opportunity to see cracker is a Christmas classic that is Fillmore tonight for only $20!!! a variety show filledwit h music, this larger than life star before her not to be missed, Smuin provides a Jessica Riddle opens. Tickets laughter and dance. Includes Santa, tour comes to its close. Tickets are creative alternative with the first act available with no service fee at the tiny elves, puppets, and General-Erno $37-$89.50 and are available by featuring Bach's "Magnificat" and Fillmore (at Geary) on the night of the talking ape as special guests. "It's calling (415)-421-8497 or by visiting Corelli's "Christmas Concerto." The the conert from 7:30pm-10:30pm. more fun than a fruitcke!" Produced www.ticketmaster.com. second act quickens the pace with the For more information call (415)- by Exit Theatre. Tonight is opening introduction of swing, rock, and 346-6000. night, and will show on Fridays and R&B. Enjoy this much acclaimed Saturdays through December 16th. The San Francisco Opera presents company opening night!! Tonight at Tickets are $10 for students, seniors, Mozart's "The Magic Flute." One of 8pm at the Yerba Buena Center for rd The Boston Pops Orchestra makes a and Theater Bay Area members, $14 the true classics of opera, and highly the Arts 700 Howard Street (at 3 ). stop tonight in San Francisco on its general admission. Shows at "Exit recommended for all ages "The Tickets are $30-$35. Call (415)-978- Stage Left" at 156 Eddy Street. Call Magic Flute" is almost sold out!! 2787 to charge by phone 7 days a annual Christmas Tour. Keith th • Lockhart conducts with Rob Mathes (415)-673-3847 for more informa­ Tonight and December 6 are the week 1 lam-6p or online at as a special guest. Traditional and tion. Tickets available at Tix Bay only dates left to see it this month! www.tickets.com. Visit Area at Union Square or at Tonight's curtain is 8pm, and at www.smuinballets.org for more contemporary holiday pieces will be th performed, with the CSU Fullerton www.sffringe.org. 7:30pm on the 6 . Tickets range information about this exciting University Singers providing the from$23-$165. Call (415)-864-3330 company. vocals. The show is at Davies to order tickets 10am-6pm Mon.- Symphony Hall at 8pm. Tickets are The A.C.T. Master of Fine Arts Sat., visit the'box office at 199 Grove $28-$48 and are available by calling Program presents Osoar Wilde's "On Street, 10a-6p Mon.-Sat., or order (415)-864-6000 (10a-6p) or by the Importance of Being Earnest" them online at sfopera.com 24 hours 12/7 visiting sfsymphony.org. and George Farquar's "The Beaux a day. Stratagem." Both comedies explore Thursday social and class issues and dive into A public forum will be held in plots filled with the innocence of McLaren today to promote knowl­ Ifyou support the Pro-Life move­ 12/3 edge of the history of African and ment, come share your thoughts with romantic youth. "Earnest" opens tonight and runs through December Native Americans. A panel of the Students for Life in the Parina th ,h Sunday representative students will share- Lounge UC tonight at 9pm. All 15 . "Stratagem" oens December 8 , th The USF Department of Fine and their various impressions, struggles, activities will be discussed, with and runs through December 18 . At Performing Arts Presents "Winter and challenges as apart ofthe special attention on the projects for magic Theatre, Fort Mason, Building rd Hour", an informal showing of new program dialogue, along with a the second semester. Questions call D, 3 Floor. Tickets are $5 for dance works, followed by a question response from a guest speaker Native (415)-831-4146. students, full-time teachers, and seniors with valid ID, $8 for A.C.T. and answer session. Come and American scholar Ward Churchill. subscribers, and $10 general admis­ experience the art of dance.. .for Today from lpm-3pm in McLaren sion. Tickes can be purchased at the free!!! At USF Lone Mountain Center. Presented by the University th Now through December 27 , the A.C.T. box office at 405 Geary Street Ballroom 330 Parker, Level "G." of San Francisco Race and Ethnic American Conservatory Theater (415)-749-2ACT, online ww.act- Politics Students. presents Charles Dickens' "A Christ­ sfbay.org (no discounts available mas Carol." Come see a classic tale online), as well as at the door. o brought to fife by some of the Bay 12/6 0) Area's most highly acclaimed thespians. Call (415)-749-2228 for Q Through January 28, 2001 the Jewish Wednesday tickets, or visit act-sfbay.org. Also USF's Center for the Pacific Rim available at the A.C.T. box office on Museum San Francisco presents • "Light, Life, Libeskind: a Look at the present the Kiriyama Pacific Rim 415 Geary at Mason and all BASS Briefings featuring Bruce Cumings. o ticket outlets. New Jewish Museum San Francisco. The exhibit will feature drawings, Author of "Korea's Place in the Sun: CO compuer renderings, and models that A Modern History (1977), Cumings >• display the ideas for the museum's is a noted East Asian scholar, and will future home in the Yerba Buena be interviewed by Marsha Vande o Center arts district. Located at 121 Berg, an editor with "The World Steuart St. between Mission and Report." At 5:45 pm Lone Mountain Howard Streets. Open Thursday, Room 100, reception and Friday, and Sunda from 1 lam-5pm. booksigning will follow. Reservations Call (415J-788-9990 for more recommended; call (415)-422-6347. information. Visit www.pacificrim.usfca.edu for 0) more information.

0)

Compiled by... Lauren Gallagher The Scene Calendar is a weekly listing of events at and around USF. To have an event listed in the Scene Calendar, mail (e- or snail-) or bring your information to the Foghorn office no later than one week before the requested date of publication.

Contact us... 415.422.6122 2130 Fulton Street San Francisco, CA 94117 [email protected] Although finals are just around the corner, they bring with them the holiday movie season. Al­ though we caught a glimpse this past week with "Unbreakable" and "The Grinch," the best is yet to come. Movie studios generally release some of their best products at the end ofthe year as potential Oscar contenders (just think 1997's "Titanic" and last year's "The Green Mile"), and since this has virtually been a lackluster movie year, the Best Picture winner may be one of the ten films listed below. Make sure you leave enough time over break to catch a few of these.

10. "The Family Man." geniality" joins the growing trend of short weeks after leaving "ER") stars 12/15- Nicolas Cage stars in this butt-kicking female action heroes, in this black comedy by the dazzling romantic comedy as a fast-lane Wall something that appeals to broader Coen Brothers ("Fargo") as the Street investment broker who has audiences thanthe typical male ac­ leader of a trio of chain gang escap­ consistently made his career his top tion film. ees, on the lam and in search of trea­ priority. One Christmas morning, sure in the 1930's deep South. Also a magical opportunity presents it­ 8. "Couching Tiger, starring John Goodman and self and he wakes up to find that Hidden Dragon." Coen Brothers favorite John his Ferrari and girl­ 12/22 - Chow Yun Fat Tuturro, the film is sure to over­ friend have become a ("The Replacement Kill­ flow with colorful characters mini-van and wife, ers") and Michelle Yeoh and witty dialogue, as all three his college sweet­ ("Tomorrow Never Dies") of these actors are amazingly heart. This film, star in this period martial arts gifted and the Coen Brothers set the reminiscent of the romance from acclaimed precedent for black comedy. perennial favorite director Ang Lee ("The Ice "It's A Wonderful Storm"), Yun Fat plays a 6. "What Women Want." 12/ Life" is sure to delight retiring martial artist who 15 - Mel Gibson stars in this roman­ audiences of all ages. entrusts his sword, the tic comedy as a chauvinistic adver­ Green Destiny, with lifelong tising executive who, after a near- 9. "Miss Congeniality." friend Yeoh. When a skilled death experience, can hear what 12/22 - Sandra Bullock stars in thief apprehends the sword, how­ women are thinking. At first he tries and produces this action/comedy ever, an action-packed chase ensues to use his "talent" to outwit his boss about a determined but below av­ (with fight choreography by but because of his discoveries erage FBI rookie who must pose as "The Matrix's" Yuen Wo- eventually changes his ways. a beauty pageant contestant in the Ping). The film dazzled Helen Hunt also stars, and Miss United critics and crowds alike at her charming personality States pag­ this years Cannes Film IP'- comes through vibrantly eant, which a Festival and the word on in the film's trailer. A bit terrorist has the internet is that this of a departure for Gibson, threatened to film is a masterpiece. "What Women Want" really bomb. The With such a broad appeal 4# required that he put his image trailer is hi­ and promising word of mouth, on the line by experimenting larious and is this could be one of the most suc­ with what women go through every provoking cessful foreign language films ever day. Gibson has proven himself as a interest in released in the United States. great comedic actor (evidenced by the film. In the "Lethal Weapon" series), and the same vein 7. "O Brother, Where Art with the lack of good date films this as "Charlie's Thou?" holiday season, "What Women Angels," 12/22 - George Clooney (who' Want" should be a success. "Miss Con­ signed on to this project just two Check out the Top 5: Page 1? r "#

1 B* ^ Contact us... 415.422.6122 2130 Fulton Street San Francisco, CA 94117 fJNLY 1 [email protected] 10 San Francisco Foghorn SCENE November 30, 2000 ROADSIDE ATTRACTION Shock Rocker Returns with 'Holy Wood' Marilyn Manson compares his latest with Beatles' 'White Album'

Andrew DeFrancis landing in the number FOGHORN STAFFWRITER one spot of the day's Marilyn Manson's back, but is his message most requested songs (and act) becoming increasingly irrelevant? many times. The pon­ The shock rocker's fourth major album rails derous power that against all the same enemies, the media, the flows through this government and God, but there is a notable song is reminiscent of difference: it exhibits the "The Beautiful previously short in sup­ People," the band's ply musical talent. first smash hit. In Well it looks like the Though Brian Warner "The Love Song," attraction has to pack it (Marilyn Manson) is one Manson taunts society up and get going. It was JTUiSIC of our generation's most for their love of guns fun while it lasted, talented "showmen," crit­ and respect ofthe gov­ right?...Congratulations =M 37 ics often question his ac­ ernment, and he sub­ to Padre for a beautiful tual musical talent. Be sequently advises that inauguration mass. warned, though, as the "we should look Colliding the past (the musical audacity seen in "Holy Wood (in the away." "Coma Black," images of the Salvadorian Shadow of the Valley of Death)" may influence similar to the track martyrs) with the present your opinion. Blamed for the atrocity of Col­ "Coma White" on umbine and usurped by the likes of Limp Bizkit 1998's "Mechanical (his inauguration) and the and Eminem, some may argue that Manson's * Animals" is poignant future—the student group nihilistic approach has somewhat worn out its and unforgettable traveling to Georgia to welcome. Although "Holy Wood" arrived amid with its enchanting protest the school of the little fanfare (and little popularity, debuting at melody and its surreal Americas. The protest is a number 13 on the Billboard 200 two weeks lyrics. Dealing with beautiful sign of the new ago), it is his most ambitious and mature al­ lies, love, and death wave of non-violent bum to date and is likely to remain on the charts the song is one of the activism and conscious­ for some time. most meaningful ness... the inauguration Manson returns to the well once more on tracks in the band's was a moment symbolic "Holy Wood," completing the trilogy begun repertoire. From the of what to expect under with 1996's "Antichrist Superstar;" interestingly mellow "Target Audi­ ence (Narcissus Nar­ "the rookie." Good luck enough, he hopes to turn the trilogy into both a novel and a film. Manson has been speaking cosis)" and "The No­ BARRY BRECHELSEN & TUNES.COM INC. Padre...On the note of of "Holy Wood" of late as the modern-day bodies" to the bone Singing of'Disposable Teens," Marilyn Manson has returned to enlighten goodbye, thank you equivalent to the Beatles' "White Album," and crunching "The Fight the world about God, love, violence and the media. Maureen. One of the few in its multifaceted 19 tracks, one might concede Song" and "Born persons that is a living to his statement. In his first major studio album Again," the band cuV example of the Ignatian Manson had very few "slow" rock tracks. As he plays their tapestry of musical diversity and im­ tener, "Holy Wood" is a welcoming surprise ideal, faith in action and became more musically mature over the years, he plicit messages. among the current scene of popular music. Both the notion "to heed and added more of these "slow" tracks, and the band Readers might be asking if this Marilyn literary and philosophical allusions abound in not to count the cost." is now at the point that over half of the tracks on Manson album actually displays musical talent; "Holy Wood," and the album questions how the Thanks friend. We "Holy Wood" are slow. While slow is not the yes, one may distinguish the talent if he can set media exploits death in our violence-loving so­ wouldn't be the same moniker of talent, the band more impressively aside Manson's Goth look and over hyped anti- ciety, citing Christ, Kennedy and Lennon as ex­ without you...Just a tip: exhibits their ability by slowing the music down God message. This intelligent, divergent gem amples. While many hypercritical religious fa­ rather than punching out the melodies. Watch those who claim to is only accessible to those who give it an hon­ natics condemn the man, a brief reading of his This densely packed album has many high­ est opportunity and, unfortunately, the media lyrics allows one to recognize that he doesn't work with the intention of lights and evokes a strange multitude of emotions. has portrayed the band as a menace (although necessarily complain ofthe Church but rather our best interest. Politics The firstsingl e offthe album, "Disposable Teens," that is part of Manson's shtick and he has not of our conforming to society and its strangle­ and the interest of the has gained popularity on modern rock stations, helped dispute the image). To the tuned-in lis- hold on our lives. greater community often seem diametrically opposed. This isn't just a national concern; this is a 'DO NOT ENTER': The Vagina Exposed local concern that can happen (and may) in our Ensler brings unique collection of stories of womens vaginas to the stage own community. At this point the worry isn't just Dave Mulligan dating lights or props, just her and her mi­ FOGHORN STAFFWRITER who will take the White crophone. Signs of this successful connection House, it's the reality that Vagina. Vagina vagina vagina. Shocked? were more dramatic, such as when the crowd no matter what, there will Uncomfortable? Embarrassed? You shouldn't joined Ensler in screaming the word "cunt" be no progress in the next be, at least according to author, playwright and over and over again as part of the monologue women's rights activist Eve Ensler. four years. I'm glad I've entitled "Reclaiming Cunt," an investigation In her latest production, "The Vagina of alternative vocabulary used to describe the got a ticket for another Monologues," Ensler pre­ vagina. country come June...I sents a compelling col­ At moments like these, one could not help hope the point of this lection of stories based but wonder if a man had any place in the column for the last year upon personal interviews mostly-female audience. But is "The Vagina and a half was not that it with hundreds of women Monologues" intended only for a female au­ angered some and made about their vaginas. dience? I had assumed not, at least until the others feel good. The While some are outra­ production's public relations contact discov­ point was to make REV J geously hilarious and ered that The Foghorn had given the assign­ someone think, to foster others sadly horrifying, ment to a male critic. She demanded that the the notion that compla­ all of them are enlighten­ job be transferred to a female, which only ing as to the often-ignored role of the vagina cency equals silent death. made me more curious and excited. Why was in the female experience. Question everything she so opposed to a male review of "The Va­ "I was worried about vaginas," writes gina Monologues?" around you. Things don't Ensler. "I was worried about what we think change until we take While it is impossible for a man to under­ about vaginas, and even more worried that we stand what it is like to have a vagina and the action to take a change. don't think about them." emotional experience that accompanies it, to The failure for me was not But Ensler doesn't have to worry anymore, say that "The Vagina Monologues" is intended whether anyone read this at least not about those who have already at­ only for a female audience is to miss one of column, it was if this • tended the performance. After seeing "The Ensler's greatest intentions in her production. column didn't elicit Vagina Monologues," one cannot help but re­ Only by facing those issues that one finds

emotion, action or even alize the many reasons that the topic of vagi­ COURTESY OF ENCORE COMMUNICATIONS shocking, uncomfortable or embarrassing thought. But I guess nas should not be avoided. Explore the mystery, humor, pain and power may one hope to overcome ignorance and these are all just optimis­ Themes of the monologues include sex, hidden in vaginas with Eve Ensler. achieve understanding. Taking into consid­ tic dreams. I'll see some childbirth, masturbation, rape and genital eration the effect that males have upon the of you down the road. mutilation, all of which are addressed through sexual and emotional development of females, Signing off... a variety of forms. Some consist only of sta­ eluded a raincoat, Armani only and a "DO it is vital that such sexual ignorance be over­ tistics that need no explanation, such as the NOT ENTER" sign. come. "The Vagina Monologues" is a giant step fact that two million women are genitally mu­ Perched on a stool and gently swaying her towards this goal. "I am with you in tilated each year. Others are lists of real an­ bare feet back and forth, Ensler achieved an "The Vagina Monologues" is running Rockland."-Allen swers to questions such as, "If your vagina got incredible sense of intimacy and connection through December 3rd at the Alcazar Theatre, Ginsberg dressed, what would it wear?" Answers in- with the audience. There were no intimi­ 650 Geary St. San Francisco Foghorn SCENE November 30, 2000 11 Letting It All Hang Out foocf 'Naked Boys Singing is just that: naked, singing and dancing, all night long

Kjersti Egerdahl its catchy chorus and FOGHORN STAFFWRITER raunchy verses. "Naked Boys Singing"—for two hours. "Nothin' But the Ra­ A Taste of Sicily And they're not kidding. One cast member dio On" fails to live By Gilbert Marquez, Jr. described it as "Phallus in Wonderland." The up to its great title. actors are actually only naked 90% of the "Rockin' The Rock" time, but that's enough for almost anyone, talks about the joys If you are walking in except maybe the loud of San Franscisco: "I North Beach coming man in the back row get my jollies/On the from St. Peter and who yelled "Take it off!" trolleys." It moves every time someone on to extol the ben­ Paul's Church, one of appeared in a costume- efits of being locked the first restaurants you an ta e tne up on Alcatraz, ide­ will see is Trattoria Jioat&— -d — ^ ^ '* °^ y T did alizing prison sex Volare. A small replica M J lY A homogenous with a cute swing of Michelangelo's crowd of about 90 men dance break. in their 30s and 40s Among the cast, "David" greets you at packed San Francisco's Theatre Rhinoceros the strongest voices the door and when you making outsiders feel a bit unwelcome. In belong to Brantner enter the warm place, the full house there were about 15 women and James Quedado. in the whole crowd. "Bonanza"-style music Quedado's voice, you it is decorated with made a pleasant ambience for crowd-goe.rs however, sticks out many pictures and who were eager to see these naked boys do too often. Brantner, JOAN MARCUS artifacts from Sicily and their thing. The stage itself was set with a fresh from Wiscon­ Don't know what you're missing? What are you waiting for? Head over to Italy. The dim lighting frame painted in brightly colored rectangles sin, is "finding San Theatre Rhinoceros to catch these seven hot boys doing what they do best: and two swiveling flats in the back, colored Francisco . . . every­ singing in the nude! gives it an intimate on one side, black on the other. A lone pi­ thing it's reputed to feeling but the space ano player provided accompaniment. be." Tom Orr's voice suffices, helped by his essentially the same throughout, with the always seems to be The first number began with the cast of boundless energy. Better known as the au­ main focus on the actors. The lighting is not crowded. Nonetheless, seven handsome guys flexing behind a thor ofthe parody "Dirty Little Showtunes," fantastic and the theater is small and not very clothesline hung with strategically placed fortunato has to strain after the high notes, well equipped. It improves in the second act, this follows the Italian boxers. The boxers fell and the song "Gra­ but he gets three feature songs because he's but more color would have given a lot more tradition of being close tuitous Nudity" began, as the guys danced the cutest boy. Arturo Galster has the same variety to the abundance of skin color with those eating around and sang their hearts out. Most of problem, and Steve Clay's voice is breathy throughout the acts. The lack of most cos­ around you. the numbers were just plain silly, though. In the entire time, but these two are staples of tumes does not create too much visual mo­ "The Naked Maid," with Isaac Brantner, the gay theatre. They have acted in several notony, though, as one might expect it to. Brantner relates the joys of his job while shows like "'Dirty Little Show-tunes!" and Dancing and singing is what these guys do When you start to order, dancing with brooms and dusters. "Window "Naked Brunch" and "Showboys." The di­ best and from their show at the Theatre Rhi­ you will find out that To Window," in which Jared Fortunato strips rector, F. Allen Sawyer, directed "Dirty Little noceros, these seven brave souls prove that for his neighbor and wonders when they will Showtunes" (a pattern emerges!), as well as they can sing, dance and act with or without there are no waitresses be together, is merely a fluffy love song. many other shows like "Hot Pants Homo," clothes. This "musical man-o-rama" is funny and that the waiters do "Fight The Urge," however, is a showcase of but has never worked with naked actors be­ and generally well-produced, but most of all, not speak fluent En­ tongue-in-cheek comedy. fore. Musical Director Joe Collins, otherwise it's just plain naked. glish; they speak just In another part of the play, three little known as Ms. Trauma Flintstone, has years Catch these cuties at Theatre Rhinoceros, jocks, stuck in the showers with three big hot of experience on such well-known musicals 2926 16th St. through December 3. $20 for enough to get by. jocks, struggle to keep themselves under as "South Pacific" and "Kiss Me Kate." Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday matinees Features a large selec­ control. "Perky Little Porn Star" showcases Technically speaking, "Naked Boys Sing­ and evenings; $25 for Friday and Saturday tion of Sicilian dishes, Tom Orr's scintillating stage presence with ing" is simple but effective. The set remains matinees and evenings. the menus have a wide variety of pasta dishes to choose from. The Swinging in Polka Dots and Circle Skirts portions are large and sizable enough to be Squirrel Nut Zippers heated up dance floor in their Bay Area appearance worth the price.

Lauren Gallagher ering attention to their blend of jazz, rock and The Zippers have done well for themselves, According to a good ASSISTANT SCENE EDITOR POP- holding their own amidst the flood of other friend of mine who is Often credited with the revival of swing, the Full of nonstop energy, the show was given swing bands. Remaining consistent in their knowledgeable in Italian Squirrel Nut Zippers made a much anticipated a boost each time the band played an old fa­ popularity and artistry, and with their fans appearance at the Great American Music Hall vorite such as "Blue Angel." Katherine Whalen showing no sign of declining from their de­ cuisine— not too a couple weeks ago. The crowd was more than provides the vocals, and her sultry sounds votion, the Zippers gave a splendid perfor­ different than Sicilian mance. In fact, "Bedlam Ballroom," in com­ prepared to swing the night away decked out managed to mellow the wired crowd. Echoeing cuisine— this restaurant in polka dots of all sizes, of Billie Holiday, with well-rounded, deep and bination with the current tour, will undoubt­ circle skirts, wing-tips seductive tones, Whalen adds a twist of girlish edly contribute to their fan base and help to is true to its roots and and a spectrum of zoot playfulness, reminiscent of Betty Boop. Some revive the swing movement for a long time to heritage. Trattoria Volare suits. The hall was look­ new songs were played with "Stop, Drop, and come. will surely satisfy your Roll" was the most popular. Although space ing good, its chandeliers appetite, and maybe if sparkling through the was limited, many found a way to bounce to musi ] the - catchy tune. you're lucky, you'll have concert haze, adding to the retro ambiance. The Pleased to receive a the owner sing to you intimacy of the Great literal showering of while pouring you a American did not go unnoticed as couples gifts from the Zippers glass of wine. tried to warm up their dancing moves, only to with buckets of find the floor too tightly packed. Neverthe­ beaded necklaces, many fans went wild less, the smaller setting seemed to be a second Trattoria Volare as "Squirrel Nut Zip­ home for the Zippers as they made their en­ (415)362-2774 trance by parading through the crowd. Once per" candies were on-stage, the band seemed no less distant from tossed into the 561 Columbus Avenue their fans, and the mood of an exclusive bebop' throng. The encore (near Vallejo) featured one of their club prevailed. most popular tunes, Authentic Sicilian The enthusiastic crowd was not surprising "The Ghost of Cuisine as the Zippers' irresistible sound has been cap­ Stephen Foster" per­ Moderate to high tured on five albums. Their October release formed before the "Bedlam Ballroom" is the latest. The origins animated short that noise level of their unique sound go back to a simple din­ was projected on the Casual dress ner among friends in 1993 in Chapel Hill, backdrop. James Appetizers $5-$9; North Carolina. Their first complete album Mathus' vocals "The Inevitable Squirrel Nut Zippers" was pro­ Entrees $7-$20 duced in March 1995 and their second release matched the black Some vegetarian RACHEL BLECKMAN/jAMTV MUSIC NETWORK "Hot" in 1996. One of their singles, "Hell" and white cartoon dishes, hardly any brought the sound of the Zippers to the air­ perfectly and the en­ Singing both new and old material, the Zippers gave a heartfelt perfor­ waves, bringing them into the public eye, gath­ tire hall sang along. mance to Bay Area fans. vegan dishes 12 San Francisco Foghorn SCENE November 30, 2000 Dear Tiffany: Bringing hope to the hopeless

Dear Tiffany, ance of divine Providence. I am supposed to graduate in May and I While you might feel that after you've Voices am terrified. I have friends who can't wait graduated you will immediately become ^jree/a>a/fi•m&uori to get out. Some are even graduating in De­ superannuated, nothing could be further Jazz Voices cember to finish a semester early! Others from the truth (for most of you). No, have internships, job prospects or letters of when you graduate you will still be young *:*Kr*; Women's Voices reccommendation for grad school. I have and full of promise, no matter what you nothing—not even the desire to leave. Sure eventually decide to do with your degree. Men's Voices classes can get annoying and papers are a Do not fear the world; rather, have fun burden, but (in my opinion) this definitely with it. and more... beats real life. Do I need to have a plan for 4& after graduation? Couldn't I just stick around a while longer? Dear Tiffany, Emergency! Emergency! OK, I ate too Thursday, December 7 Graduphobe much when 1 went home (they totally forced me) and now I'm fat! How can I lose 5 Gill Theatre $fc Dear Graduphobe, pounds fast??? As a probable candidate for the honour 6:00PM ofbeing the first student in recent history Fat Girl to carry her undergraduate career into double digit years, I am probably not the Dear Ms. Girl, purest source of admonition upon your Five pounds? This is an emergency? quandry. And has the name of this prestigious col­ Yet, I can tell you this: despite my own umn been changed to "Dear Tiff^Craig" inability to free myself of this institution without my knowledge? (and it of me), I strongly recommend that Ladies of USF, you are far too con­ you do everything within your power to cerned about your weight. If I hear one graduate on time. Extra semesters here get more slim, attractive young lady com­ expensive (let me tell you!) and a long un­ plaining that she is fat, I am going to dergraduate career leads only to debt and scream. Instead of worrying about out­ manual labour. It is a vicious cycle. ward appearance, why not first concern Your fears of graduating appear to be yourself with the welfare of your soul? directly linked to your lack of a post- Vulgar vanity will annoy your friends and graduation game plan. Losing sleep over destroy your only immortal part. this will get you nowhere. The Lord works My advice for those 5 pounds? Chuck in mysterious ways: instead of unproduc­ your bathroom scale in the nearest reposi­ tive worrying, focus upon each present tory, and you'll have rid yourself of about task and leave your fate to the gentle guid­ 5 pounds of useless metal.

Oops, Tiffy did it again—she played with your heart, got lost in the game (oh baby, baby), but her views do not necessarily reflect those of the good old Foghorn. Send the fruits of your entelechy—be it atramental or white as the driven snow—to [email protected].

Scene's Guide to Holiday Movies From Page 9 bers present at the White House during the situa­ tion in order to paint a historically accurate repre­ 5. "Traffic." 1/12 - Michael Douglas stars in sentation. this ensemble thriller (directed by Steven Soderbergh of "Out of Sight" fame) as a U.S. judge whose strict 2. "The Emperor's New Groove." 12/15-In drug-control policies are tested when he discovers this animated musical/family comedy (with songs that his teenage daughter is addicted to cocaine. by Sting and Tom Jones), the selfish young emperor Other interrelated stories include those of under­ of a mythical mountain kingdom is magically trans­ cover DEA agents in San Diego, a wealthy drug formed into a llama, forcing him to depend on a baron whose wife takes over the business when he sheep-herder to return him to the throne. This film goes to jail and a border police officer who sees an has such an extensive production history that a six- opportunity to seize power from his corrupt boss. part story was written about it on the premiere un­ The film, which claims to be neutral on the sub­ official Disney website (www.mouseplanet.com). ject of the drug war, is bound to be a controversial Originally intended as an epic to rival "The Lion conversational piece. Soderbergh's films have al­ King," it has evolved into a Broadway style musical, ways featured big names (for less than their typi­ packed full of laughs (for both adults and children). cal salaries), and the chemistry among the actors Many have compared "The Emperor's New Groove" in his films is astounding, prompting high expec­ to the Disney flop "Hercules" from a few years ago, tations for "Traffic." and while the similarities are striking, Disney is con­ fident that they have a hit on their hands. 4. "Vertical Limit." 12/8-Chris O'Donnell scales K2 in this action/adventure about a moun­ 1. "Cast Away." 12/22-Tom Hanks stars (in tain climber who has sworn off the sport after the a story he originally conceived) in this adventure as tragic death of his father. Notified of his estranged a wealthy FedEx engineer who is stranded on a sisters' predicament on the second tallest moun­ desert island by an unexpected storm during a rou­ tain in the world O'Donnell must reconsider his tine overseas trip. Isolated for over four years, he previous oath. One of the most visually impres­ reevaluates what is most important in his life. Upon AwlrewNoretii sive films this holiday season, this big-budget film first hearing about this film over the summer, I has the masculine market cornered over the first immediately recognized a parallel to CBS' hit show couple of weeks of December. "Survivor" and was immediately anticipating its release. Over the past months the buzz surround­ 3. "Thirteen Days." 12/20 - Detailing the ing Hanks' performance in "Cast Away" has been JFK administration's reaction during the two week increasing and the film is looking to do as well as long Cuban Missile Crisis incident in 1962, this "Forrest Gump" both critically and commercially film is about an incident that brought the world (both have the same director, Robert Zemeckis). /Wednesday, iDec. 6th the closest it's ever been to the brink of World War This is one you don't want to miss. III. Kevin Costner stars in this political drama as Crossroads] Cafe . ^ the Kennedy administration's chief of staff during Well, that wraps it up for this year's holiday this crisis. The producers based the film upon vari­ movie preview. Good luck on your finals and have ous sources, including testimonials of staff mem­ a safe holiday season. San Francisco Foghorn SCENE November 30, 2000 13

st6r AN APARTMENT SEARCH INFORMATION SCEHE MEETING FEATURING with CELESTE L COSMOS "Tis the season, my twinkling ones. The turkey is dried out and the pumpkin pie is reduced to crumbs—it's time for the real festivities to begin. This is a magical time Off-Campus Student Panel of year, marked by glowing menorahs, spiked eggnog, promiscuous mistletoe, the Tenant Advocacy Agency colorful."first fruits" of Kwanzaa, and the celebration of a new year (or winter sol­ stice). But before we can drown ourselves in the bubbly, we must wade through the Apartment listing Agencies slue of holiday parties and gift giving. Not sure what to get that certain someone? Don't worry, I have asked a representative for each astrological sign to fill out a Office of Residence Life Staff survey that will uncover the inner sign and what they really want this season! This is the Astrological Gift Guide! Tuesday, December 5,2000 Aries (March 20—April 19) friends and gossiping. 6:00 pm - 7:30 pm Color: Red, the flashier, the better. Music: whatever is on Alice or z 95.7. Phelan Hall Glass Lounge Hobby/Activity: Anything spontane­ Reading Material: Cosmo, Maxim, ous! We love to be surprised. Or feeling hello? like a kid, you know, like making tents in Beverage: diet soda—We love the Refreshments the living room with bed sheets. new Pepsi One! Music: A compilation CD—We love Place to spend $100: Sharper Im­ the variety. age—all the things you don't need but Reading Material: Flashy, showy, rationalize that you do. University of San Francisco hipster mags like Wired, Wallpaper and Office of Residence Life Nylon. It's all about the eye candy, baby! Libra (September 22—October Beverage: We make the BEST 22) margaritas, with enough flavor ta-kill- Color: Does Burberry's plaid count? yah! Hobby/Activity: sun bathing in a hot UMMm$ Eastern Christian Place to spend $100: Hands down, desert near a crystal clear pool. Urban Outfitters. Where else can one buy Music: Brittney and the Boy Bands, chartreuse fuzzy pillow, a punching nun need we say more? Association hand puppet and beaded picture frames? Reading Material: 100 Best Law School or Chicken Soup for the Soul: Edi­ Taurus (April 20—May 19) tion 107. Are you Color: Black—simple, classic, el­ Beverage: Anchor Steam Beer— Orthodox/Assyrian Church of the East egant, like you. brewed in The City. Eastern Catholic Hobby/Activity: We're film buffs, es­ Place to spend $100: Nordies. They pecially fiimnoi r (Hitchcock is a God!). have the best shoe sales and return policy. or just interested in Music: lazz, as hip and cool as it gets. We love that place Bruno's in the Mis­ Scorpio (October 23—November • going to different Eastern Christian parishes sion district, with its hot sounds and cool 21) • Bible study and prayer decor. But please, no Kenny G. Colon Gray, it's the new black. We also • info meetings Reading Material: Trashy romance like PMS 321 (it's a shade of green). novels, the trashier, the better.. .but only Hobby/Activity: Watching CNN, 24- • social activities and more! to critique how they oppress women, of 7. course. Music: Techno, deep house, trance, Contact Beverage: We enjoy the finer things trip-hop, acid jazz, house, electronica, Rostom 415-819-4214 in life, perhaps a nice white wine from jungle, drum 'n'bass, progressive...oh, Maria x8294 Sonoma or Napa—of course, we sup­ and Irish folk port all local endeavors. Reading Material: Computer manu­ Stephen x8279 Place to spend $ 100: On movie tick­ als and cheater guides to video games. or e-mail [email protected] ets to all those odd yet cinematically Beverage: Tequila shots! for more information breathtaking flicks at the Embarcadero Place to spend $100: Circuit City, (they don't take student Ids, what a bum­ where service is state of the art and the mer). stereo section rocks!

Gemini (May 20—June 20) Sagittarius (November 22—De­ PRE-GAME SOCIALS Color: Blue, any shade, any variance. cember 20) Hobby/Activity: Is partying consid­ Color: Light, pale green. All are invited for ered a hobby? Well, I know it's an activ­ Hobby/Activity: Cooking—We're ity! addicted to those Fate Ladies on PBS. "food, games, prizes, Music Oldies but goodies, you know, Music Classical (but only because we anything I can sing along to. hope it'll make us smarter). face paint, sign making Reading Material: Bar guides, the Reading Material: How-to guides— pink section, and of course the Scene from caulking a shower to implement­ i \ and live entertainment section of the Foghorn to find out all the ing feng shui in a room. latest happenings. Beverage: Red, red, wine, you make Beverage: Beer, any shade, any vari­ me feel so fine...(N o boxes, please). ance. Place to spend $100: Williams and Place to spend $100: Costco! We can Sonoma—a cook's gadget celestial pal- December 1st buy 5 pound bags of pretzels, blue jeans and a package of frozen steaks all in one Women BB v. UMASS place—with my indecisive mind, this Capricom (December 21—Janu­ place is close to heaven! ary 19) Color: dark rich browns Socials are held at 5:43vpm Cancer (June 21—July 21) Hobby/Activity: New York Times x Color: White. It's simple yet classy, Crossword puzzles and speaking (or pre­ on the first floor of the December 2nd airy yet stable. tending to speak) foreign languages. Hobby/Activity: Exploring new Music Alternative genres, like punk, University Center Men BB v. Fresno State places, you know, breaking out of our world music or folk shell once in a while. Reading Material: Biographies— Music: It's only rock'n'roll, but I like people fascinate us. it, yeeeaaahh! Beverage Coffee, preferably French Reading Material: short, pithy pieces roasted espresso. that crack us up, preferably on the 'net, Place to spend $ 100: The MOMA gift ATHLETIC CLUB RALLY like salon.com. and theonion.org. store. Beverage: Water—refreshing, All are invited for FREE food, quenching and zero calories! Aquarius (January 20—February Place to spend $100: Home Depot, 17) music, games, prizes, because I always like to tinker with stuff Colon Sunny colors, like salmon, and contests, ans live to make my abode more comfortable— lemon meringue. and I just love those orange aprons. Hobby/Activity: Poker, pool, chess, entertainment fiomZ95.7 , and playing the guitar. Leo (July 22—August 22) Music Local bands. USF Cheerleader, Dance Colon Silver, shiny, malleable and oh Reading Material: George, Mother Team, Step Team,^iascot so precious. Jones, New Republic—we're politically ac­ Hobby/Activity: Skiing, camping, tive. and other spetialguestsli*- - spelunking, repelling—do you see a pat­ Beverage: Sangria! It's all bueno. we celebrate and meet our Men and Women DONS and their coaches. tern here? Place to spend $100: Those trendy Music: Country—toe-tapin', line- yet hidden stores in SoMa. dancin', 10-gallon-hat-wearin'. Rallies are Held at 12:3()! DECEMBER 5TH Reading Material: Anything on the Pisces (February IB—March 19) New York Times Best Seller List Color: Pastels—they make me feel in Hamey Plaza on the Beverage: Red Bull, because I need the pretty. JANUARY 25TH wings! Hobby/Activity: Yoga and Za Zen following dates: Place to spend $100: An out-doorsy meditation. store, like Eddie Bauer's or REI or Big 5. Music Anything our aura would like. JANUARY 30TH Reading Material: Philosophy (not Virgo (August 23—September the GEC required stuff). 21) Beverage: Chai lattes, Gluvine (a Ger­ Color: Dark purple, like the color of man spiced wine drink), or carrot juice. an amethyst. Place to spend $100: Paying off my +^J BROUGHT TO YOU BY USF DONS Hobby/Activity: Hanging out with tab at the pub. 14 San Francisco Foghorn SPORTSWEEK November 30, 2000

Student Employment

Nursing Students—Groves Nurses Registry Inc., CM YQL/ 5f\Y is hiring Hospital Attendants/CNA's for float posi­ tions in Acute Staff Relief. Perfect for nursing students who have completed at least three clinical L-O-C-A-L rotations. (CNA Certificate not required.) Work around your school schedule and gain valuable nursing knowledge in various acute care areas. For C-O-N-T-E-N-l many years, Groves Registry has helped hundreds of students through school and has long been a favorite of motivated RN students. We recognize equal pay for equal work. This means you receive the highest rate of pay reguardless of what hospital you are assigned to. Pay is $12.00 per hour. Phone today for an appointment.

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USF Outreach Ministry's 15th Annual Giving Tree

CELEBRATE THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS By sharing your love with a child in need.

You are invited to come decorate The Giving Tree in Crossroads on Monday, December 4th at 4:30PM • Gift tags can be found at the base of the tree

Each tag has a child's age group • After choosing a tag/tags, please register in the book • Estimated cost per gift should be approximately $10-$ 15 • Please wrap the gift and place it under the Giving Tree before Wednesday, December 13th

Thank you for bringing joy to a child at Christmas!

MAY ALL BLESSINGS OF THE SEASON BE YOURS! San Francisco Foghorn SPORTSWEEK November 30,2000 15 STUDENT TRAVEL u&Dev's Change YOUR World! Losers of the Week JLM

eyed, complaining loser. 4.) Fourth up, are those Blue and White greed driven maniacs, known only as the L.A. Dodgers. Well, surprise surprise, the Dodgers are spending more money, to try to buy the biggest and best franchise, in true LA style. I think that we at Stu and Bev have cracked the code! They have their own money print in LA, and it is undocumented by the CIA, because they were sports fig­ bought out. Well, probably not, ure is Anna but it really makes you stop and Kournikova. Now think now doesn't it? men, I know many of you wor­ 5.) To wrap up this list of atro­ ship her as a goddess, and I my­ cious behavior, is none other self have even been captivated by than the Kansas City Chiefs. her beauty, but this isn't the Miss They have not been greedy, America pageant, she's awful at poorly behaved or even done tennis. All the hype about her is anything necessarily bad. Unless, | San Francisco just because she's attractive. She you can justify losing to the 0-11 has failed to win a tennis tour­ San Diego Chargers! It is incred­ FOGHORN The wallowing waste that nament, most recently losing to ible to me, that any team, espe­ is sports trash, returns to the Martina Hingis. If she could ac­ cially the Chiefs, could play so limelight in Stu and Bev's top five tually back up the slightest press poorly, that they are a disgrace to losers of the week. The column coverage that she's received, I the sport of football. Hey, maybe Online took a brief break, but rest as­ would be utterly thrilled because now that the college champion­ sured, Stu and Bev's is back, and God knows, there isn't much to ships are coming up, they can www.foghornonline.com • is still committed to exposing the look at on the tennis courts, but drop down to that level of play, filth ofthe sporting world... her performance (what she and maybe squeak out a victory. As we announced earlier this year, the Foghorn And Now here's the top five: should be judged upon) is lack­ Honestly, that game was one of 1.) Opening up Stu and Bev is ing even a hint of excellence. the most disgraceful events in none other than Seattle Mariner 3.) The meat in this loser football history. They say, "On teamed up with CampusEngine.com to provide star, Alex "show me the money" sandwich is non other than ex- every given Sunday, a team can Rodriguez. He is asking the Sonic coach Paul Westphal. win," but on every given Sunday the students ofthe University of San Francisco Mariners for $200 million in ex­ Westphal was fired recently for a the Chiefs never fail to play atro­ change for eight years of his ser­ verbal confrontation with Gary ciously. with the ultimate web portal. This issue repre­ vice. "Hey A-Rod, your entire life Payton, on the court, and because We at Stu and Bev apologize isn't even worth half that, you're he could not get Vin Baker to play for our absence, and promise to playing a game!" Rodriguez is "motivated." Poor guy, I really provide continued coverage of sents that jump into the realm of online. the top of the list because his feel for him.. .NOT! He needs to the filthy figures in our all too greed epitomizes everything that shutup, and start acting like he's unfriendly sports world. Next se­ We hope you'll make the jump with us by is currently wrong with profes­ got a pair. He's paid more than mester, we'll tackle management sional sports, and furthermore, the president of the United madness, player problems and visiting www.foghornonline.com, where not only is this request simply States, to lead a bunch of grown team turmoil, because we shall ridiculous, it's the fans (you and men to play a game...and he is never leave a rock unturned un­ I) who are going to suffer, be­ complaining about politics being til the sports scum is unveiled for you'll find online stories, discussion groups, cause the ticket prices will just go too much for him to handle. the world to see. up to pay the salary. And that is Westphal, you're a spineless sissy, Until next time, we salute the free e-mail, online polls, and much, much the part that kills me! and the Sonics need someone few remaining athletes that still 2.) Nipping at A-Rod's heels as who can handle the rigorous keep our ever-fading hope in more. this week's most questionable pressure, rather than a teary- sports alive.

The Foghorn is now hiring dedicated-SportsWeek staff writ­ ers for the 2000-2001 academic year. Inquiries can be directed to Jonathan Martinez at x8015.

Perks include: •Free admission to all sporting events •Monetary compensation

Resume enhancing opportunities |f San Francisco FOGHORN •B San Fmnciico FOGHORN

NOVEMBER 30, 2000 VOLUME 97, ISSUE 9 The Sharks Taking a Bite Out

Last Wee of National Hockey League Men's B-Ball Women's B-Ball Montana St. 71 Jonathan Martinez Stanford 92 But spending money isn't to get squandered by disap­ Goaltending has been the key USF 66 USF 66 SPORTSWEEK EDITOR what has automatically made the pointment; and seeing great in the Sharks success this year, un­ USF 54 USF 96 Ah... the smell of fresh ice is Sharks one of the best in the players pass through the organi­ doubtedly, but the Sharks have Appalachian St. 52 Fulerton 56 in the air. The cold feeling of a league over the last couple sea­ zation (i.e. Sandis Ozolinsh). had a balanced attack The only soda frostsyou r hand. The sight Long Beach St. 76 USF 105 sons. The Sharks have finally We have sat through coundess part of their game that they need of men missing teeth appears. found some chemistry, some­ USF 74 UC Riverside 51 hours of futility and nothingness, to improve upon is their power And the craving for blood and thing they had been lacking un­ and yet here we all are, united as play percentage. But they have Volleyball Rugby fights, as well as the desire for a til recent years. Moreover, the Sharks fans. Now we can truly made up for that shortcoming by Northern Arizona 4 USF 30 Stanley Cup, arise. Yes my Sharks have never had a go-to be happy that being the 2nd USF 1 San Jose St. 15 friends, it is hockey season. guy until Owen Nolan started the Sharks are best penalty New Mexico 4 USF 28 And of living up to an awesome killing team in USF 1 UC Santa Cruz 10 course, we all his potential team. This year, the Sharks the NHL. The know what last year. This year, Loyola Marymoun' 3 have been putting on Sharks, going that means, As good as we As good as the Sharks into the week­ USF 0 a show this year, and now don't we? thought the Sharks we thought have been end of No­ It means that the Sharks putting on a for the first 15 vember 24-26 were last year, they Quote we are in for were last year, show, and for games of the season had given up another season are even better this they are even the first 15 league-least they played without Drew Bledsoe ofthe New England of lackluster year. better this games of the 39 goals in a Patriots in the National Football play by our year. They are season they their team captain mere 19 own local and beginning to played with­ was recently interview by ESPN's Owen Nolan. games. beloved San win the close out their team Going Dan Patrick. This is a quote from Jose Sharks, right? 2-1 games that they were fre­ captain Owen into to that interview. Well, that would have been an quently losing last year. Also, in Nolan. Now tonight's accurate oudook on the Sharks this early season, they are not that he is back, the Sharks are an home game against the Anaheim DP: What's the dumbest team season some years ago, while we getting blown out in their loses. even better team. Mighty Ducks the Sharks have rule in football? were still in high school. But Recendy, they lost to the defend­ But the key to the Sharks suc­ posted a Sharks best record of things have changed since we were ing Stanley Cup champion New cess this year is their (13-5-2-0). The Sharks are off DB: Steroid testing for quarter­ littie freshmanhighschoolers . Jersey Devils 3-2, a team that goaltending. Some were skepti­ to a franchise best record and are The Sharks are finally a good they had beaten a week and a cal about rookie Evgeni backs. There really should be a looking more like a team in team. The Sharks' front office half earlier by the same score. Nabokov taking over for the in­ which fans can be proud. Fans kind of a sight pretest. I mean, has finally decided that the fans Fans in the Silicon Valley have jured Steve Shields at the goalie have been waiting for nine pa­ look at us — we're a bunch of have been robbed of their been very supportive of the position, but Nabokov fit right tient seasons and it looks like the money long enough and decided Sharks over the last nine seasons. into his starting role. Nabokov skinny, weak guys. We just kind of tenth season is a charm, as the to spend the necessary funds to The last nine seasons have not embarked on an 11-game un­ Sharks are poised to be one of stand back and chuck the ball mold the Sharks from an under­ always been so peachy either. We beaten streak (tying a Sharks the best teams in hockey. No around. achieving bunch of miscreants as adamant fans of the Sharks record) and had an NHL-lead- wonder fans have kept the Shark into a balanced National Hockey have suffered through nine los­ ing 12 wins and 1.81 entering the Tank at ninety-eight percent ca­ League Stanley Cup contender. ing seasons; playoff upsets only weekend of November 24-26. Briefly pacity these last nine years. Laura Tinetti was named to the 2000 All-West Coast Conference The Turkeys of the Century Honorable Mention Volleyball John Beveridge team. She had a career year in (two in the American League to the Braves in six games, Cleve­ in professional basketball, or pro­ ASSISTANT SPORTSWEEK EDITOR Central, one in the East) in the land had not seen the postseason fessional sports history, has per­ this her senior and final season as The Thanksgiving feast has last eight seasons, the United since 1954. That year, Cleveland formed as bad as the San Diego/ a Lady Don on the Hilltop. unfortunately ended, but it leaves States hadn't entered the first went on to lose to the New York Los Angeles Clippers. The fran­ no better time than to talk about world war the last time the White Giants in a four-game sweep. chise, which started in 1970 as the some of sports worst professional Sox put together a World Series Since 1960, the Indians racked up Buffalo Braves, moved to San Di­ franchises. These "turkeys" will winner, in 1917. The infamous twenty-seven losing seasons, fin­ ego in 1978 and then to Los An­ This Week hopefully live to see a brighter Black Sox scandal of 1919, in ishing in last-place seven times. geles in 1984. In the franchise's day, but it will not be this one. which eight Cleveland's 31 (going on32)yearsof existence, Men's B-Ball In regards to major league men were sus­ two world they have put together only five vs. BYU baseball, I could go back over one pended for champion­ winning seasons, last coming in Thurs. Nov. 30@ 7p.m. hundred years to find a suitable throwing the That year, Cleve­ ships, 1920 the 1991-92 campaign. That was "turkey." However, for my time 1919 World and 1948, both the firs t year the Clippers had been vs. Fresno St. and yours, teams mentioned will Series, did not land went on to occurred dur­ to the playoffs since 1976, and so Sat. Dec. 2 @5:30p.m.. be those still currently in busi­ help the White lose to the New ing election far it remains the last. The Clip­ at Xavier ness. Sox fortunes York Giants in a years. Maybe pers have been so bad that many The boys from the north and either. What 2004 will be ofthe top college players have told Tues. Dec. 5 @ 4:30p.m. southside of Chicago make the year did Alaska four-game sweep. the year the the Clippers not to select them on vs. Cal Poly SLO ultimate "turkey" list. The Chi­ and Hawaii Since 1960, the drought ends. draft day, fearing they will follow Sat. Dec. 9 @ 7p.m. cago Cubs, winners of a mere become states? Indians racked up The Na­ the footsteps of such draft picks like Ken Norman, Benoit Ben­ sixty-five games in 2000, have not The same year twenty-seven losing tional Football Women's B-Ball won a World Series since the the White Sox League gets jamin and recently Michael Theodore Roosevelt administra­ last reached seasons, finishing only one "tur­ Olowakandi, though he may vs. UMass tion (1901-1909). Theyhavenot the World Se­ in last-place seven key" team, the prove his critics wrong. When Fri. Dec. [email protected]. won a National League pennant ries. times. Tampa Bay they drafted Danny Manning in vs. UC Berkley since 1945. Since 1945, the Cubs My final Buccaneers. 1988, he was one of the most have compiled forty losing sea­ "turkey" selec­ Up until the dominant college basketball play­ Fri. Dec. 8 @ 5:15p.m. sons, hitting rock bottom in 1962 tion (baseball past four sea­ ers of all-time. 26 games into his vs. Montana St. and 1966. Both in'62 and'66, category) goes to the Cleveland sons, Tampa Bay was a consistent career, he went down with a knee Sun. Dec. 10 @2p.m. Chicago would win 59 games and Indians. Though the mid-90s to doormat. They were the team injury that put him out for the lose 103. At least the fans still 2000 Indians have been one of that gave the 49ers Steve Young. season. Maybe the most famous Volleyball show up to the ballpark. baseball's better franchises, the Before 1997, the Bucs had fifteen anti-Clipper act occurred when As for the Southsiders, they baseball gods did not treat Chief consecutive losing seasons. They Danny Ferry, a star at Duke, de­ NCAA Tournament have not faired much better than Wahoo's (the team mascot) tribe have been an NFL team for only cided to play in Italy rather than Fri. Dec. 1-Sun. 17 @ TBA their friends from the North. too kindly years previous to their 25 seasons. play for the team by whom he had Though they have compiled success. Before reaching the Basketball only gets one "tur­ been drafted: the Los Angeles Clippers. * denotes West Coast Conference match three division championships World Series in 1995, only to lose key" as well because no other team