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VOL UME 36 .. APril 21, 2003 Your source for 'campus news and information . ISSUE 1085
Nappy Roots rock Mirthday THECURRENTONLINE .COM UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI - ST. LOUIS
Adam Schwadron(left) has . 'filed a coniplaint against Adam. SABC cuts Beumeler (right) for violations of Election Committee rules. . Schwadron "rafted a.letter . Current's pointing out Seumeier's alleged violations and sent it to the Committee members. He funding is asking to have Beumeler immediately removed' frOm . contention for the position of Student GQvemment . Association pre.sident. . to $0 '. ,. . " , Last year's newspaper received $38,200
BY NICHOLE LECLAIR . ' .... - ---~- -- _._.-.------~- " ------.- Features Editor • The Current will receive $0 from the Student Activities Fee Budget and $0 from the Student Services Fee Budget for fiscal year 2003- 2004. According to a letter signed by Orinthia Montague, acting director ()f . the Office of Student Life, the decision was based on "SABC funding priorities." --'--"-- I think there's been a substantial misunderstanding SGA e ection conteste of the law, but not of the [budget] request. Schwadronfiles complaint against Beumeler
- Stanford Griffith, Edltor-rn-:'C1ifel' BY JASC)N OUNGER - - . dividuals running for President In Sch.wadron s letfi:r. he outlined merel a 'municipal infraction.' not a were clearly marked in the Chatroom. The CUlTent --- -. -- -_. - _.- --- and Vice-President, Comptroller o.r fuur points that Beumeler violated: , misdemeanor or even a felony. As it Adam Beurneler was seen N~IJ)S Editor rep~ntative may post flyers or other . was pointed out in the debate of April campaigning inside the Chatroom by printed materials upon receiving • 'The . section RulCli, subsection. A 10, there is no offense on my record. William Melton and Benny Suen. This --,,-- The results of the Student . approval from the Office of Student states 'Any campaigning material By making these accusations he has is a clear \~ol atio n of Subsection A Government Association electionS a,re Life. Printed materials may not be found to be slanderous or in disregard been slanderous and in Jotal disregard under the campaign rules. The Student Activities Budget in,but as of now' nothing is set in placed on cars or campus walls. Check for the truth when explaining to people Committee has nine funding stone: with Student Life for allowable posting why they should not vote for me. • ''Finally, as volunteers were passing priorities. These give funding According to figUres released by site{;. Campaigning may not take place Individuals who heard these out flyers for the 'Change' slate, they preference to organizations that . the Student Activities Office, Adam .within a twenty-five foot distance of accusations either directly from Adam were telling voters that if they voted for enhance UM-St Louis's reputation, Beumeler defeated Adam Schwadron the pails. All . printed c:impaign Beumeler, or from those he told, would Beumeler they would receive a free encourage ·student leadership and by 13 votes, 212-199. If Schwadron materials relating to any students' A few people h.ave . . not be making an informed decision sample of Tommy Hilfiger cologne and interaction, contribute to the quality has. his way, however, Beumeler will candidacy . must have information based on facts, rather on falsehoods a card redeemable for a free Tommy of the student experience and show be disqualified from the elections regarding who paid for the printing of written letters about and accusations that he spread. Hilfiger camera from a local responsible use of past funds and completely, opening the way for the literature. Any campaigning [Adam] Beumeler and department store. This bribelY is demonstrate involvement in student Schwadron to assume the position of material found to be slanderous or in his actions. He used • ''Further, Adam Beumeler used flyers solicitation of votes and is highly government meetings and training. SGA president disregard for the truth shall make the the words felon and that had images of famous people improper in any election." When asked how' The Current Schwadron said Beumeler violated responsible candidates ineligIble fur expressing support for the "Change" Schwadron also said he aw failed to meet these criteria, numerous SGA campaign rules, office. felony to associate slate. These images were of former Frederick Eccher III, presidential Montague refused to comment Nor which should lead to his immediate with me. president George HW Bush, rap artist candidate, campaigning inside the was she willing to discuss the letter expulsion from the race. • ''Individuals seeking elective office and St. Louis native Nelly and Chatroom. Schwadron is moving to she had sent to Stanford Griffith, In a letter to the members of the may begin campaigning as soon as the - Ad.am Schwadron, SGA Chancellor Emeritys Blanche [M.] have Beumeler completely disqualified editor-in-chief of The Current, SGA election committee,.Sohwadron period officially opens. They may presidentIal candidate Touhill. Eacb flyer had a quote from the elections. which reads, ''Please carefully outlined four alleged violations of the continue their campaign until the last supposedly given by each person in Beumeler was unavailable for consider the decision to appeal. committee's rules. day of elections. The campaigning favor of the slate. These campaign corrunent. Much cpnsideration has already "A few people have written letters period will be determined by the materials were misleading in disregard Scwadron also said some students been given to the original request, about [Adam] Beumeler and his Committee. . for the truth, hy using persons well ·had problems ac ing the therefore,_ if there has not been a --,,-- known to the general public without My Gateway website in order to vote. actions," Schwadron said. "He used substantial misunderstanding or the words felon and felony to • ''The student newspaper The Current their consent. He cited two unnamed students who misinterpretation of the original associate with me. He told people that is the most praetical way to notify the for the truth shall make the respoIlSlole either could not log on when d ~ ' ired or request, the original allocation will he had info. on the other two entire campus community of candidate ineligible for office.' • "Additionally, the ' rules state could not vote at alL be upheld." candidates to discredit us." upcOIIDng and recent events. It should According to witnesses, Adam 'Campaigning may not take place In other election news. Kristin ''I thiak that there has been a The election committee rules . be used in conjunction With all phases Beumeler said that my past infraction within a twenty-five foot distance of Runde was elected vice president and substantial misunderstanding of the outline what is acceptable while ' of election activities, whether-as a fonn was a felony offense and that as 'such th'e polls.' The rules also state that there Benny Suen was elected comptroiler. law, bUt n~t of the request," said campaigning and what is worthy of .of advertising or 19 :annouDce el~tion he was the ethicail y superior candidate. would be t=inals designated in the Runde recei ved 398 votes but was Griffith, who believes that The disqualification: reSilJ.ts." . The infraction in question in fact was MSC as the official polls. These polls lillOppOSed, and Suen received 243. Current's funding was cut becanse of the content of the paper. ''Furthermore, I am sure the SABC realizes the effects such a cut will have on The Current," Griffith said. "But it may not understand how such a decision can affect the group President Floyd comes to UMSL and the University as a whole. Ignorance, however, is no excuse." BY JASON GRA!\!GER university to voluntarily corne News Editor together without a legislative mandate, without a gubernatorial see CURRENT. page3 mandate or a mandate by the federal UM System President · Elson government," Floyd said. "That says Floyd came to UM-St. Louis last a lot about the University of Missouri Monday to address the questions and System. That says a lot about IN DEX c:;oncems. of faculty and staff over the Missourians, and it says a whole lot propose<;! merger between the UM about the state ofhigber education in ,Bulletin Board 1 System and Northwest Missouri State the country right now." News 3 University. Floyd said he spent time with He also updated the chancellor Northwest Missouri State Pp" ident Qpjnions ____ ~_4~~ search, saying they are narrowing the Dean L. Hubbard and his senior Fare Thought 5 list. leadership to discuss the pos. ibility Floyd began by telling the of the merger. He said they agreed , n Science Column 5 audience the merger between the two several items to finalize the merger. Features 6&7 institutions would be the first of its ''There are a number of steps we kind in .the country. Floyd said no must pursue in order to finalize the ~ 8&9 state university and university system arrangement," Floyd said. "First of Arts & Entertainment 10 & 11 have voluntarily merged. He said the all, it has to have the endorsement of only other time happens is when a Board of Regents at Northwest The Villa~ Idiots 11 it Lishu QuI Tbe Curreri! state legislatures force a merger in Missouri State University."." A Parrot says 11. UM System President Elson Floyd came to UM-St. Louis last Monday to discuss the possible merger order.to save one of the institutions. ..---- -.. --.--.. -----. fl~sffieds __~ __~ __~ 1~3 of the UM System and Northwest Missouri State University. ''We will be the fIrst public see PRE3!DEHT FLOYD. page 3 + I.., Page 2 <11w ·Current April 21, 2.003
-- Stanford Griffith • Editor·tn·Chief Anne Bauer· Managing Editor Darren Woods' Ad Director Mindaugas. Business MCl1Ulger Adamonis _ Judi UnviJIe • Faculty Aduiser Jason Granger, fj,eg:j 1Jtf1btg~te Mike Sherwin • Photo Director Catherine A "EEtI· Milrquis-Homeyer' 0 Itor HaM Burns • Sports EdilOrl Man 21 Man 21 (cont.) Wed 23 Fri 25 Man 28 . Prod. Associate Monday Noon Series Career Services Career Services University Band Monday Noon Series Nichoie LeClair • Features Editor A resume writing workshop will be Elliott Reed • Cartoonist "Buttertlies and Butterfly Fanning A workshop on "How to Utilize The Percussion Ensemble Concert with 'Water Highways to the Hinterland" held from 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. in 278 Sara Porter • Features ksociate (Slide Talk)" will be the topic of Career Services," will be held from 11 Inter-Dist E. Desmond Lee Ens. will be is the title of this week's Monday MSC. The workshop is free, though the Monday Noon Series. TI1e a.m. to 12 noon in 278 MSC. The held from 7:30 p.rn. to 9 p;m. in the Noon Series. The series is held from Adam Bodelldieck.' Copy Editor registration is required. Call 516-5111 series is held in 229 JC Penney workshop is free, though registration Lutheran Church of Living Christ. The 12:15 p.m. to 1:15 p.m. in 229 JC Jamie Keny • Proofreader or visit Career Services in 278 MSC to Conference Center from 12: 15 is required. Call 516-5111 or visit event is free. For more information, call Penney Conference Center. Fred Shannon Hoppe • Prod. ""fanager register. For more information, call 516-5980 or 516-2263. p.m. to US p.m. and is sponsored Career Services .in 278 MSC to regis Fausz, associate professor of history, Rudy Scogyins • Cartoonist ter. For more information, call 516- 516-5111. UM-St. Louis, explains how, prior to by The Center for the Humanities. Amy Gonwa • Music critic The event is open to all audiences. 5111. Thur24 25 the Louisiana Purchase, the Missouri For more information, call Karen Chemistry colloquia . and lllinois rivers proved to be vital Student Life waterways for the success of a multi Lucas at 516-5699. "Controlling Gene Expression in Staff Writers Tues 22 From 7 p.m. to 11 p.m in the Pilo~ natural fur trade department upon Charlie Bright, Transgenic Plants: Factors, Domains, House on the 1st floor of the MSC is rural areas. The series is sponsored Kate Drolet, Rob Huesgen, Center for Teaching and a Cis Element That Work Casino Night Casino Night provides by The Center for the Humanities. Micah Issitt, Melissa NcCrary, and Le arning Together" is the title of the chemistry 21 the opportunity to gamble with a bank For more information, contact Karen Becky Rosner, Ashley Richmond As part of the GAlfA Brown Bag colloquia The colloquia will begin at Chemistry Colloquia· roll or $15,000 at any game. Five dol Lucas at 516-5699. Seminar Series, ·"Career Strategies for lars gets a bank roll, t-shirt and food. 4 p.m. in 451 Benton Hall. Coff~ The topic of the chemistry collo the 21st Century Academic" v.'.ill be will be served at 3:45 p.m. The event Staff Photographers At the end of the night, participants Kevin Ottley, quia is "From Cluster Glycosides presented from 12 noon to 1 p.m. in is free and open to · the public. The can use their winnings to bid on great Sara Quiroz, Lishu Qu to Metal Chelates: Is More Really the McDonnell Conference Room, prizes including a DVD player, a TV, colloquia is being sponsored by the Wed 30 Better?" The colloquia begins at 4 331 SSB. Students can find out what baseball tickets and a whole lot more. Department of Chemistry and Student Life 388 Millennium Student Center p.m. in 451 Benton Hall. Coffce they need to know to get a tenure-track Biochemistry. For more information, The Student Leadership Awards 8001 Natural Bridge Road will be served at 3:45 p.m. The vis position. The event is :free and open to contact Alexei Demchenko at 516- Banquet is from 6 p.m. to 9 p.rn. in St. Louis, Missouri 63121 iting speaker is Eric J. Toone, all students_ For more information, 24 University Band 7995. the Century Rooms of the MSC. Duke University, Durham, NC. contact Debbie Lewis at 516--4508. UM-St. Louis will be taking this Newsroom. 0/4) 516-5174 The Wllld Ensemble Spring Concert is Put it on Board! The event is free and open to the the time to honor exceptional students Advertising' (314) 516-5316 from 7:30 p.rn. to 9 p.rn. in the public. For more information, con Place your event on The Board in our and programs. Business. (314) 516-51 75 tact Alexei Demchenko at 516- Provincial House Chapel. For more upcoming edition; restrictions apply. Fax • Gl'I) 516-&311 7995. information, call 516-5980 or 516-2263. Call516-5174 for infoIDlation. campus 388 Jhl/ennium Student Center email . cU1TeIII@)jinx.lJmsi.edu website The s r • See a bttp://wwll '. tbecurren:online.com he Current is published weeI CURRENT, from page 1 • ~ ____ _ " • . • • •• ______. _ • • _ ___ •••• _ __ . ~_. ____• _____ ._._ •• __ . _. ______•• .--______._. __•• _ _ • ___ • ______• ______' __ " __ '_H'_", •• " _____• _ ___ ._. ____ • • ______• __• ___• ___ •• _ ••• _ ••••••• _ • • HH • ••• HH.__ •••• H ••• _ • • • _ •• _ •••••••• H H • • •••• , •••••,,_. _ _ H •••••_ ._••• __ •••• • _ _ •• __•.•••• _ _ .• _ ____• •••• • • • ••••• _ • • ____ •••• •• •••• •• • • _ .•• _ ••••••••• __ • ___ • ____ •• _ ••••• _ • • • •• _ •• ___ • __ • •• ''We believe that this severe and ensures that every student has a free zation based in Washington, D .C. that possibly fatal cut in our funding from subscliption to The Current at a cost works to protect the rights of student Division of Student Affairs tll\~ SABC is based on issues a few of approximately 10 cents per copy. journalists. Griffith said, "The Current students have had with the content of This is the flrst time that The would prefer not to have to take legal Office of Student Activities ~ The Current," Griffith said. 'The Current has been denied funding. Last action but is fully prepared to proceed, 8001 Natvral Bildge Road Current has never been notified of any year's funding was $38,200. In past with the assistance of the SPLC." $;. louis. M issoun 63121 -4499 misappropriation of monies or viola years, the amount has been similar. Jason Granger, editor-in-chief Telephone: 314 · 516·5291 Fax; 3!4 ~ 516- €747 tions of UM-St. Louis policy. The Current was initially awarded elect, agreed with Griffith. Though he April 11, 2003 E--mail , stuactv@ umslvma_umsLedu Therefore, the SABC, which is legal~ $40,000 for the upcoming year, but hopes the decision will be overturned ly a part of the state of Missouri this was changed to $0 when the at the appeal, he is willing to take Stanford Alan Griffith, The Current because it is acting as a subset of SABC reconvened on April 11. The legal action if the decision stands. ~ ! SGA, has illegally withdrawn funding Current's requests for an explanation . Asked what he would do in the . St. Louis, MO 63146 based on opinions and not facts." have been denied. worst-case scenario, if funding were Previous court cases have held that "I think we definitely deserve an not reinstated, Granger said, "If we public universities are part of the state explanation, which we are expecting don't have the funding, then I, as edi Dear Stanford: government, rather than private pub to hear this week at the appeal," said tor-in-chief, will be forced to close the lishers. Anne Bauer, managing editor of The paper. The Current will leave this The Student Activities/Student Service Fee Committee has completed deliberations on requests for Although the paper earns approxi Current. "I don't understand how they school and take every asset owned by allocations for fiscal year 2003-2004. The recommendations for allocations were based on the SABC mately 75 percent of its annual budget went from allocating us $40,000 to The CUlTent, including the name, with funding priorities discussed in th~ workshops your organization attended in October of 2002. " from advertisements, it is still depen nothing." The newspaper plans to it. If they want a school newspaper dent on the financial support granted appeal the SABC's decision on here, they won't be able to use The The Sludenj Ad1vities Budget Committee has approved a total allocation of $0.00 from the Stu dent by the SABC, largely for the annual Friday, April 25, though decisions are Current's name, flag or legacy." . Activities Fee Budget for 2003-2004. The funds will be available for use after July 1,2003. Your services fess for the telephones, com rarely overturned. Final SABC furiding results will be allocation has been awarded to support the following programs, services, or activities: puter network and · Internet. The The Current has contacted the made public after the appeals process money from SABC, however, mostly Student Press Law Center, an organi- on April 25 has been completed. Your organization has been allocated $0.00 from Student Services Fee Budget for the purchase of: PRESIDENT FLOYD, from page 1 If your organization wishes to appeal this decision an appeal form must be picked up and returned to • Chris Telker-Harris in the Office of Student Life, room 366 Millennium Student Center by 5:00 p.m. on ''Number two, it · must have the April 24th. An appeal hearing will be· scheduled for your organization at the time the form is approval of the Board of Curators, and submitted. Appeals will be heard on Friday, April 25th, beginning at 2:00 p.m, in the Student we will be meeting to discuss the same Government Chamber. question that the Board of Regents . ¥ discussed earlier. It has to have the Please carefully consider the decision to appeal. Much consideration has already been given to the endorsement of the general assembly." original request. therefore, if there has not been a substantial misunderstanding or misinterpretation of ,. Floyd also said he and Hubbard are the original request, the original allocation will be upheld. facing time constraints because the . end of the legislative session is PLEASE NOTE POLICY CHANGE approaching. Floyd called their sched The Committee has implemented a new policy for fisca l year 2003-2004 Student Activity Fee Budgets. ule "highly ambitious." They are still Organizations can no longer reallocate funds for a new program, however, funds may still be .; proceeding under the assumption that transferred to an existing progral1! within their budget. the merger will be completed by July 1,2003. When asked why none of the state schools in southern Missouri, includ ing Southeast Missouri State University and Southwest Missouri Orinthia Montague, Acting ~ State University, have been Jeff Griesemer, Comptroller approached about merging with the UM System, Floyd said the school has CC: Judi Linville to approach the System before consid erations are made. In Northwest Missouri State's case, the president of the school approached Floyd, and VISit the Universi ty Cente( s Home Page hnp : I/I.""~" . ums l.edu/servlceS/s!u act I , that's how the process got underway. ~ "This is not a hostile takeover," Floyd said. 'This is responding to what we believe to be the needs of Missourians." The above letter is the official letter from the Office of Student Life informing Stanford Griffith, edi Floyd also said there would be an tor-in-chief of The Current, of the Student Activities Budget Committee's decision to give The integration of research programs into Current no funding for the 2003-2004 fiscal year. Signed by Orinthia Montague, acting director of the Northwest Missouri State campus the Office of Student Life, the letter is considered final until appeal. The Current plans to appeal the 'f with the help of UM-Kansas City. He $0 allocation on April 25. With the help of the Student Press Law Center, an organization based in llshu Qui The Cumml said that they have already been on the Washington, D.C. that works to protect the rights of student journalists, the student newspaper cutting edge of alternative fuel "We will be t he first public university to voluntarily come together plans to proceed with legal action if necessary. As editor-in-chief elect, Jason Granger was recently research, and he expects that to con without a legislative mandate," Floyd explained in his speech at interviewed by the SPLC for an article for their media law review. Granger said that he intends to tinue. UlM-St. LQuis in the J.e. Penny auditorium on April 21. fight as long as hl\ needs,tQ. International students strut their stuff -. "TWO BIG THUMBS UP! A BRILLIANT FILIVII" -Roger Ebert, EBERT & ROEPER " ==~L..=; and very ""ell-acted!• • " -David Ansen, NEWSWEEK 11* ***! A tour de force." -c.w. Nevius, SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE ISUNDANciFiLMFESTIVAL\ ~ DRAMATIC COMPETITION 1 HUDSON RIVER ENTERTAINMENT CHERRY SKY fiLMS DAY 0 PRODUI:l10NS IIIlIn dRAILING JOHNSOH_ "BfTTIR LUCKTOMORROW · PARRY SHEN JASON TOBIN SUm.ANG ROGER fAN JIlHH CHO ill_KARIN ANNA CHEUNG ""DONNA TINACHARLES II'ISEMIAUfOMATIC IJIMICIlAElJ. GONZALES =sAN DilIEU '=YIlDJUHC HAN ATHICf lUCI[N COCHIT -- JOAN HUAHG .m.;USTAVO SPOLJANSKY MICHAEL MANS HEL MICHAEL COlE THDY CRAiG POON _JlIJUUEASAlO ERNESlD M. FORDNDAItlJUSTIN LIN .mIlJ ERKESlO M. FORONDA JUSTINLIN Mike Sherwin! ClJ7"mlI A I Rl .;zf!s- ~ I&JfMlIAN MARDUEl lJlllUilllltJlTJUSTIN UN ~'l'M'1 R :-== _ a...-. DI"._"' IIn ~ IIMSIIIII.'IUICDIl~" M"'-"" _~ Students In the MSC Monday were treated to a panoply of activities thanks to the International Students Organization. Here, a ~ I student from Azerbaijan performs a traditional dance routine. In addition to dance, the audience was treated to music and a STARTS FRIDA fiGurES 20 CINE demonstration of international fashions. S Li,db. & B'ptlst Chvrch Rd. 822·cln. Page 4 sal'a Quil'os. bY if.[ Photographer 5ta Raleigh Muns Katrina Matsch Matt Doughty Senior _ Sophomore Reference Librarian . Graduate Student German Business Psychology ----,,------,,------"------,,--- Purple. I guess because it's a Blue because H's my favorite It'd be green so I could sing the mixture of other colors, song that Kermit sings, and because It's a color that Maybe a light tilue because I'm and it's pretty. I think of It a soft-spoken and shy person • "It's not easy being green." .I can see. as a fun color. ----,,------,,------,,-....,..------,,--- iAprll il, LUUj Page 5 l!(JrtII -attack of the clones 7tdug-hts . Cloning has become big news in .the academic communities, however, that this would violate some intrinsic the scien~c world. If you have not who point out that many advances in morality. Others suggest that any · heard) qf the first cloned sheep, Dolly, medicine, especially recent develop human, created or otherwise, should , then you probably haven't watched ments in genetic therapy, seem equally be given some degree of legal protec TV.or read a newspaper for at least the vulnerable to the same "plaYing god" tion. I like bread and utter last fi,ve years. The recent controversy argument. Yet religious authorities Unfortunately, debates over BY STANFORD A. GRIFFITH turn sour.) When the butter is clean, work with a wooden , over ; scientists claiming to have suc- have not raised serious objections to cloning technology have been fraught Editor~in-CbTef . spoon or rubber spatula to press out any remaining liquid . • ' . cessfully cloned the first human was the development of such technologies. w;ith pervasive misconceptions that Discard this liquid. If desired, add salt to the butter. · front-gage news from the U.S. to Some scientists have defended tend to cloud more important issues. (Salted butter will keep longer.) North Kor;ea. cloning research with arguments about For instance, some have raised the Although high in saturated fat, butter has become a Transfer the butter to a clean container for keeping, "research for its own sake." Many question of whether a cloned person is staple of American cuisine. We spread it on our warm pressing with a wooden spoon or spatula to dispel any air seem to feel that scientific investiga an individual or simply another ver toast. Popcorn just isn't complete without melted butter bubbles. Refrigerate until ready to use. tion should not be motivated by sion of the "host," sort of like a fleshy coating each white pillow. Butter binds the dry ingredi morals or ethics but rather by a pure photocopy. This question brings back ents of cookies and browns the onions for a hamburger. GOOEY BUTIER CAKE desire to objectively investigate the reflections of the old natUre vs. nurture Even our gooey butter cakes are topped with butter. world and that the political and moral debate. In other words, to what degree But what exactly is butter? We all know it comes in A St. Louis favOlite is the gooey butter cake. As a non connotations of research are better left is our individuality inherently present cardboard boxes cut into four sticks wrapped in paper or native to this area, when I heard the name of this sweet to the realm of philosophy and politi in our "genes" or derived from our his foil and must be refrigerated. It comes salted or unsalted dessert for the [ITst time, I thought someone was joking. cal theory. tory and environment? and melts sitting on the counter. According to the U.S. After trying a piece, I discovered why this sticky treat Perhaps the feelings of illany scien Anyone familiar with the science Department of Agriculture, butter is a semisolid dairy deserves a place in the hearts and stomachs of St. tists are mirrored in the statements of behind cloning should be aware that a .' product containing at least 80 percent milk: fat made by Louians. John Robert Oppenheimer, who was clone is biologically not much differ churning cream. once quoted as saying, "There must be ent from an identical (monozygotic) lIb. store-bought yeast-raised coffee cake no barriers for freedom of inquiry." It twin. Technically speaking, a clone HOMEMADE BUTIER 1 112 sticks unsalted butter, softened BY MICAH L. ISSITT ..... ' ...... __ ... ------_•.. _-_..... _" ...... _ -_.- - -_ ... .. - _... . is notable that Oppenheimer, who is would actually be even more similar to 1 3/4 c. plus 2 TBSP sugar Science Columnist most famous for his role in the devel- the host than an identical twin at the In "The Boxcar Children," Jessie, the oldest daughter, Pinch salt . opment of the atomic bomb, seemed to moment of his/her creation, but the kept their butter wrapped in a cloth and submerged in a 1 egg In additi~n to the remaining ques take a different philosophical position history of the clone's life would neces cold stream. Unlike the "Little House on the Prairie" 3 TBSP light com syrup tions about scientific and biological regarding his role in the unfolding of sarily shape his/her personality and days, a butter churn and paddle are no longer necessary. 3 TBSP water .~ effects, th advent of cloning technol- history after he witnessed the first physical structure, so that within a While homemade butter tastes very different from store 2 tsp . vanilla extract ·ogy . and the possibility of human nuclear explosion. Taking a quote short time the clone would be an indi bought butter, the sweeter and creamer spread is often 1 3/4 c. flour · .cloning ~ve raised complicated issues from the Bhagavad Gita, vidual, rather than another version of more desirable than the sti,cks or even the whipped vari Confectioners' sugar, for dusting surroundlng ethics and morality. The Oppenheimer said of his experience the host. It has been well established in eties but is seldom made because of the time involved in ,, debate h¥ sp,illed out over the edges watching his bomb decimate scientific research that an individual is the process of turning heavy, cream into butter. Generously butter a 9-by-13-inch baking pan. of the ~cientific journrus onto the TV, Nagasaki, ''! have become death, the not simply a representation of his/her Cut the coffee cake into 2-inch pieces and press them · into the pulpits and over the floor of destroyer of worlds." . genes but a combination of genes and 1 pt. heavy cream, very cold in the baking pan to form a snug single layer. In a bowl • the oval office. At ~es in the history of science, environmental influences. Pinch salt, optional with an electric mixer on medium-high speed, beat the IndividuaIs from the scientific, reli researchers have become so focused Some opponents of cloning have butter, sugar and salt until very smooth. Add the egg. Beat gious, political and philosophical com on attainment of a goal that they failed used, as justification for their position, Refrigerate a quart jar for at least 1 hour. Pour the in the corn syrup until smooth. Add the water and vanilla munities 'have begun to ask questions: to critically examine the political, ideas taken from science fiction. cream into the cold jar. Tightly secure the lid and shake as and, when incorporated, decrease the speed to low and . "Is clonIDg moral?" "'Vhat is the legal social and ethical consequences of People have said that cloning technol hard as possible until chunks of butter start to form, 15 to add the flour, mixing until just combined. statUs Qf a cloned person?" "Are their research. Oppenheimer provides ogy is leading to a realization of the 30 minutes. Pour into a strainer set over a bowl. The . Using a fork, pierce the coffee cake all over. Pour the cloned I humans indi viduals?" a prime example. During the quest to horrifying visions created in Mary chunks in the strainer are butter, and the liquid in the bowl gooey butter batter over the top of the cake pieces, using In you can rna e your mar In the fast- paced world of journalism? AVAILABLE POSITIONS -Managing Editor -Web Editor· R EQUIREMENTS .-Business Manager -Distribution -Minimum 2.0 GPA -Advertising Manager -In good standing with Director -Copy Editor the University -Deadline for applying for -News Editor -Proofreader Managing Editor and -Features Editor -Staff Writers Business Manager is May 2 at 5 p.m. -Sports Editor -Photographers -Please have applications in -Production /' The Current office addressed -A &E Editor to Jason Granger, editor-in -Photo Director Associates chief-elect ~Production -Cartoonists -Jason Granger will contact Manager -Everything else applicants about interview times Page 6 April 21, 2UUj D spite the weather ... Students enjoy Mirthday BY KATE DROLET StaffWn'teT April 16 began with a forecast call ing for rain. However, clouds did not stop UM-St. Louis students from par ticipating in Mirthday, the University's annual spring carnival. Students joined in the festivities from noon until 6 p.m., despite dark clouds and occasional raindrops. Chartwells closed the Nosh and took grills outside. Students had a choice of hotdogs, hamburgers, veg gie burgers, bratwursts, pasta salad, chips, soda, water and lemonade. Snow cones and popcorn were also for sale. Concession benefits went to Delaney Belle Chenowith, the grand daughter of a UM-St. Louis faculty member, who has leukemia. The smell of funnel cake and cotton candy also hung in the air, completing the carni val atmosphere. Fifty student organizations were represented by a line of booths. Some, such as the Residence Hall Association and the Pierre Laclede Honors College Student Association, offered prizes and held drawings. Mirthday-goers had the chance to win candy, DVD players and other trea sures. ------.------James Young, freshman, music education, laughs as Edita Vitkute, and a friend who wished to remain unidentified lost a game of see M'RTHDAY, page 14 "musical simon," where Young would playa tune on the xylophone, and the other player would attempt to play the same notes. W,-ti-- 9 helps student's recovery BY SAR.A PORTER from an approaching vehicle. It was accident. However, she regained (LEFT) Jonnesse Features Associate enough to roD the car. enough of her memory and physical Triggs, junior, "The car flipped over at least six abilities to attend Florissant Valley in accounting, has times," Triggs said. 'The windows the fall of2001, with some assistance. written a novel Jonnesse Triggs, junior, account were broken; the top looked like it had "I had to take a lot of notes and use a inspired by her ing, takes gr~at pride in remembering been peeled open." Two of the passen tape recorder to recall what my experience . the events of her day, the classes that gers suffered serious injuries and had instructors said," Triggs said. "By recovering from she goes to and her friends' names_ to be hospitalized, while the other was mid-semester, I didn't need them any a serious injwy She takes pride because only two hardly injured at all. Triggs' injuries more. I got more out of the lessons by in a car acci years ago she could not remember the were the most severe. "I had landed on reading. But for a long time, I still had dent in events of what she COll'iidered one of my he.ad and broke my neck in three problems. Like, a year agD, if you had Febl'\lary 2001. the worst moments of her life: Feb. 9, places," she said. told me your name, about ten minutes (BELOW) This 2001, when she and three friends were Triggs had severe memory loss, a later I would say, 'What's your name photo shows in a car accident. symptom that frightened her because again?" the severe dam~ Triggs injured the left front lobe of she could not remember why she was Triggs is happy to say that she is age of the auto her brain, the section that affect'> mem in the hospital or even the events of the now fully recovered, with her memo mobile Triggs ory. She was injured so badly that doc previous days. ''I woke up, and I did ry intact. The only remaining sign of was riding in tors suggested that she would not be n't know why I was there,'" she said. '1 the accident is the sligbt tilt of ber during the acci~ able to continue v,':ith school. wasn't thinking straight. I seriously neck. ''I had a cone around my neck dent. "1 love to read, so I made that part thought I had been kidnapped." while I was in the hospital, so I adjust of my therapy," Triggs said. "I would While Triggs slowly began to ed my neck to it," she explained. make myself remember what I had regain her physical abilities. her mem "Now, people come up to me and say read. For example, I would read a ory lagged behind. "I asked, 'Whyam 'Your neck is funny. ", book, put it down after a few pages, I here?' 'What happened?' 'Who was Triggs is now seeking a publisher then try to recall what had happened." I with?' The more I asked, the more I for the book she wrote during her Triggs was also able to write for began to remember," she said. recovery. '1 found it cost $500 to pub EDITOR her therapy. This included writing a Triggs said that the struggle to lish it myself, so I'll take it to a pro novel of her accident. "I wanted to put regain her memory was complicated fessional," she said. Determined to see NICHOLE LECLAIR the book together for other people to by her mother's desire to protect her. the project through, she is encouraged leam from my experience," she said. "She wouldn't tell me [details of the by a dream she had. It is the same Features Editor Triggs was a college student in accident], no matter how many times I dream that inspired her through her Nashville, Tenn., at the time of her asked, because she didn't want to hurt recovery. accident. She had gone to visit friends me," Triggs said. "She had good inten phone: 516-4886 "I dreamt that I was a little girl and on Feb. 8, 2001, but says the meeting tions, but she also didn't allow me to I was looking outside of these woods," fax: 516-6811 turned into a serious argument. Not recover by keeping things from me." Triggs said. "Suddenly, this man said wanting to escalate the situation fur Another painful fact that Triggs' 'I'll help you,' and as we walked we ther, she decided to leave. 1'1 decided mother kept from her was the death of came to different things. We came to a that either I was going to leave early her grandfather. He had died while bridge, and I asked him if I could walk the next day or be injail for attempted Triggs was still in the hospital. "He across it; we came to water and I asked illwork homicide if I stayed with them a died in one of the rooms upstairs from if I could play in it. He didn't say any minute longer," said Triggs. me," she said. "1 wasn' t able to hold thing. But I sort of felt his answers, so The next morning she and her his hand or say goodbye. But he was a I was able to do those things. I know or school friends drove (coincidentally) to good man, so I know I will see him now that little girl· was me, and the Triggs County, Mo., and into a severe again in Heaven." man who helped me was God, and BY KATE DROLET storm. They drove into a wind pocket Triggs recovered slowly from her that I can do anything." 1- " - ...... I Staff Wn"ter I I School. Food. Clothes. Books. Deodorant Caffeine. College stu !dents require all or most of these UM-St.Louis learns which fork to use :necessities. The problem? All of in Century Room B at 12:30 p.m., consultant. The etiquette luncheon the word etiquette. This French word :these things cost money. While BY KATE DROLET feta cheese and raspberry vinaigrette waiting for lunch and a lesson in prop was co-sponsored by Career Services, meaning 'ticket' originated in the dressing. Everding assured the audi Isome students are fortunate Staff Writer I . er business etiquette. the Student Alumni Association and eighteenth century where manners lenough to have financially sup- ence that cutting salad is perfectly Teresa Balestreri, provisional the Black Business Student were a matter of life and death. Those acceptable. :portive families, many have to pay director for Career Sen':ices, began the Association. dining in the court would be banished :their own way to make it. Next the attendees received the "Unless you're waiting for a kid luncheon with a few opening remarks . Everding is a native of St. Louis. if they lacked proper behavior, she main course. They were served chick : According to Brockport.edu, ney, turn off your cell phone." and a welcome to those in attendance. Her first book on manners, "Pretty as explained. Those eating with royalty :the number 'ofcollege students en pice at a, fettuccini with lemon Maria Everding offered this eti Dana Rogers, president of the Black a Picture: A Guide to Manners, Poise would be given tickets reminding white wine sauce and peas with mush :from the ages of 16 to 24 in the quette advice to UM-St. Louis stu Business Student Association spoke and Style," was published in 1982. them of the important manners to use. rooms. :work force has increased fr0l1l 49 dents, faculty and staff on Tuesday, next. Rogers introduced Maria Since then, the Pretty as a Picture eti "Common courtesies will get you Everding demonstrated the proper 'to 57 percent since 1984. UM-St. April 15. Close to 90 people gathered Everding, a well-renowned etiquette quette program has been taught in :Louis students are part of this where you need to go, along with way to cut meat. She spoke on a vari more than 125 cities around the coun .good people skills and manners," :young, working class of citizens. ety of topics concerning etiquette and try. Everding received the Everding said as the first course of the answered questions while everyone : Kelly Stokes, junior, electrical Outstanding Alumna Award from luncheon was served. :engineering, works part-time at ate. Everding discussed the art of Patricia Stevens College in 1987. The first course was a chilled :White Castle illld attends school socializing, networking, maintaining a Since the publication of her first Spanish soup. The Gazpacho soup professional image, recovering from :full-time . book, Everding has written 'The Ritz was garnished with a bagel chip and : "I work on weekends. I don't embarrassing situations, facilitating Kids Etiquette for Today" and the parsley. Ihave any Friday classes, so that introductions, tipping, proper utensil [[gives me extra time]. I study dur nationally recognized "Panache that "Soup is eaten away from you, like use, excusing oneself, writing thank Pays." The latter is an etiquette guide :ing the week," Stokes said. a ship going out to sea," she said. you notes and other corporate behav directed towards college seniors and "And you never put the whole spoon ~ Time management is a crucial iors and expectations. She also gave young businesspeople. lpart of balancing work and school. in your mouth." some examples of meaningful conver Everding also founded The ;Brandt Ryder, graduate student, While everyone ate, Everding sation starters. 'biology, earns money working for Etiquette Institute, which trains eti explained how to remember which Curt Coonrod, vice chancellor of :the University as a teaching assis quette instructors. She has appeared in place settings go to a person. She Academic Affairs, attended the lun :tant. numerous St. Louis newspapers and instructed attendees to make a lower cheon. He found the lesson in eti : "As a TA, it's hard to balance journals and on the Today Show and case 'b' shape with their left hands and quette helpful. ''I didn't know that you Good Morning America a 'd' shape with their right hands. were supposed to pass the salt and ~ work and school. I always have She began the UM-St. Louis semi "Now you can remember that your pepper together," he said. "[Learning] ~ students asking questions and nar by inviting attendees to "relax and :sending me emails. I try to allocate bread is on the left and your drink is the conversation starters helped too." enjoy a dining tutorial." on the right. Also, [the words] 'fork' 'time to grade papers and prepare The last course was tiramisu. "Since I'm an etiquette instructor, :labs. Once I hit that threshold, I and 'left' both have four letters and 'Everding concluded the luncheon Llshu Qui The Current people like to watch me eat," :don't work anymore. That strategy 'spoon', 'knife' and 'right' all have with her favorite quote by George Guests to the "Etiquette Banquet" Tuesday learned proper man Everding said. ''I'm normal. I spill and five letters," she said. Bernard Shaw: '''There is nothing so fhas worked so far," he said. ners from Maria Everding, a nationally recognized etiquette con I drop things too." The next course consisted of radic easy to accomplish as politeness, and ( ------_.. __ ._--_.- .. _------"-_ .. __ .. sultant. Everding explained the origin of chio and butter lettuce with walnuts, nothing more profitable." see WORK, page 7 April Ll, LUUj Page 7. Wbat's SO good about Friday? BY KATE DROLET woman regretted her bet, while friends park, marveling at the perfection of the that he liked the atmosphere, and it -"-~ ---st~]lWriter-- "--- cheered on the young man. He reached day, when a bum approached him and changed his life. the two minute mark and died. demanded all of his money. The young The next drama showed a man and After the short piece, the room man refused, and the bum attacked, woman waiting at the pearly gates and Around 7 p.m., 200 people wan went dark and a movie screen read, pricking him in the arm with an remembering special moments in their dered around the Pilot House munch "Can past events affect the future?" unknown object. lives. The woman fondly recalled her ing on chicken wings and listening to Next, an old episode of the Simpsons Later that evening, the young charitable acts, while the man bragged the smooth sounds of the Dave played. During the short clip, Homer man's girlfriend discovered that he about his days as a corporate la'.'.'Yer. Matthews Band. All of them were managed to fix a broken toaster, only was bleeding quite a bit He went to When the man talked about being nice there to answer, "What is so good to find out that he had invented a time the hospital.. There he found out that he to his elderly neighbor, she wondered about Good Friday?" machine. As he was zapped back to the could have contracted a number of why someone who had spent his Jubilee Church from Webster time of the dinosaurs, Homer remem- hartnful, and even fatal, diseases. whole life taking care of number one Groves, through the church's 'UM Faced with the notion of death, the had waited so long to be kind. St.Louis student population, hosted --" -.,.--. young man began to worry. After a short clip from the movie their fourth TGIF event on April 17. Meanwhile, his best friend called to "Braveheart," Mallory spoke about the People of all ages mingled, enjoying Everybody knows lament that his wife had just left him importance of Good Friday. the snacks and comfortable atmos and say how he longed for stability in "Everybody knows that Jesus died on phere at the Pilot House. that Jesus died on life. Good Friday. But is it relevant to any Three guys and a girl took the Good Friday~ But is it The young man, through a series of one?" he asked. "Jesus was a person stage, assembled their band equipment conversations and thoughts, decided to like you and I were. He had to eat and and began the evening with Sheryl relevant to anyone? dump his girlfriend. When the hospital sleep. He had a hangout too. Me and Crow's "Every Day is a Wlllding received the test results, he called his my friends had a hangout. It was Road." This was followed by "Why - Brian Mallory best friend. McDonald's. Jesus had a hangout too. Does it Always Rain on Me?" Jubilee Church In the waiting room, the young man The Sea of Galilee was his hangout. It Brian Mallory, member of Jubilee Youth Leader had a revelation. The prick, he decid~ was his McDonald's." Church and leader of their youth group ed, was not a prick of death. It was Mallory then discussed the impact program, stepped onstage after they intended to wake him up to life and all of the death of Jesus on our lives today. finished. "TIus is our fourth TGIF --"--" -- of its possibilities. He leaves before "He did .that to be your friend, not just event," he said. "[TGIF] began from finding the results. for your Get Out of Hell Free card," he the idea that we all have something to bered the words of his father, "If you The band played another number said. 'Tonight is not about religion. share." He explained the evening's should ever go back to the time of the called "Good Souls" after the drama. You can get baptized in every church components-a mix of dramas, testi- dinosaurs, don't touch anything! The Going along with the "Can past events in St. Louis. You'll use a lot of gas, but . monials, movie clips and music~and smallest change can affect the future in affect the future?" thought, a clip from that won't show you what's so good called UM-St. Louis's Alex Kerford ways you can't imagine!" the movie "Back to the Future" about Good Friday." onstage. Homer proceeded to kill a mosqui played. _ Maria Curtis, sophomore, English, Kerford, sophomore, engineering, to. When the toast popped, he found · Rob Jearles, member of Jubilee is a member of Jubilee Church and welcomed all in attendance and invit himself back at home, where his chil Church, took the stage next. He gave a also leads the Christian Life group at ed everyone to relax and enjoy the dren were giants trying to kill him. For testimonial of his life and the changes UM-St. Louis, along with Alex evening. the rest of the episode, he spent his . he made. He talked about high school Kerford. ''I think the night went well," Mike Sherwinl The Current: Several people walked onstage and time trying to get his regular life back. and hanging out with his buddies and she said. "I've been involved with pre With food, music, multimedia presentations and drama skits, the prepared for the first drama. The story The audience laughed at the show, drinking. But, he explained, he never vious TGIFs. Friends have told me dlat TGIF event held Thursday night in the Pilot House was part cof was about a young man holding his but also began to ponder the question could find out what his purpose really it made them stop and think for a feehouse, part revival, and very well attended. .. breath. He had a bet with a woman that posed beforehand. was. minute about the meaning of life and After discussing Good Friday in Year Team at Jubilee. Scott performed he could hold his breath for two min Students performed another drama Once in college, Jearles ended up why they're here. [Tonight] was a very more detail, Mallory handed the nilc the song "I am Empathy" to conclude utes. With two minutes nearing, the after the video. A young man sat in the going to a friend's church. He found thought-provoking experience." over to Karl Scott, a member of the the evening. WORK, from page 6 _ ___ .______.. H._. _____. __ . ___ .___ . __ _. ______.. ______.. __. __ . _____ . ______...... _ .. "_ .. " .. _ .. ___~ .. ______. ______.. __.. ._ ._ __ _ ._. __. _ __ .__ " .... ___ .h •• _ _ ..... _ ...... __•• __•• _ _ • • h •• _ ____• _____ • __ • • ______• •••••• • • •••_ •• _ . _ •• _____ • •• _ ...... ___ ••_. ____ ••••••• __•• • __. _ StUdies have shown that working comes to scheduling classes. Students college provides, students need a time, such as: such as classes, work and eating. Fill ties in your life and categorize thern part-time can actually benefit stu who work full-time may also be break every now and then. Working 1. Put together a personal time in the spaces with extracurricular into most important, somewhat dents. Rather than watching television inclined to take on a lighter class load can take a large chunk: out of that chart. This survey should include activities and your allotted study time. important and least important. or sitting around, students challenge and decrease the number of courses much-needed free time. sleep time, time spent on personal 4. Don't be a perfectionist. Accept 7. Combine activities. Review themselves while earning money. For they take. Students who work full "I find [balancing work and hygiene and grooming, time spent on the fact that you cannot be absolutely notes while eating lunch. Make men those who are employed by the time are more likely to drop out of school] very difficult because when eating, travel time, time spent on perfect in all that you do. Instead, set tal lists of important activities while University, jobs can further their edu school than those who work part-time ever I need to be studying, I have to planned activities and number of achievable goals for yourself. folding laundry. cational experience. Working in their or not at all. work. I have to make time to relax so hours spent in class and work 5. Learn to say no. Donating your Working, whether out ot'necessity field of interest provides students a Maintaining a job can decrease or I don't go insane. Things can get pret 2. Figure out your study needs. time to everyone is a nilstake that will or preference, can be a great way to chance to gain experience and build a eliminate procrastination. Many stu ty hectic," said Justin Stein, freshman, Plan on two hOlITS of studying for easy inevitably lead to a burnout. Linlit enrich the overall college experience. field-specific resume. dents who work understand that "if it history. classes, three for somewhat challeng your commitments to what you can However, a job should not take prece Full-time employment can have a doesn't get done now, it won't get Virginia's George Mason ing classes and four for hard classes. handle without ri sking a mental . dence over education. After all, col negative affect on schoolwork. A job done." University offers some tips at 3. Plan out your daily schedule. breakdowIl. lege is much of what we're working to can limit a student's options when it With the rush of everyday life that gmu.edu to students about managing Schedule in the unavoidable activities 6. Prioritize. Make a list of activi- pay for. Flomelessries;s Awareness Week Monday 4/21- Friday 4/25 Monday 4/21 Tuesday 4/22 7PM: Awareness Speakers Dan Buck and Greg Vogelwhite, 8PM: Awareness Speaker Jay Swoboda, St. Patrick Center Editor-in-CbieJ, Whats Up Magazine PilotHouse Century Room B Tuesday 4/22 Friday 4/25 Cardboard Shantytoum Simulation Habitat For Humanity Experience, MSC laum Visit the Information Booth 2nd floor MSC to·a.m. - 2 p.m. daily Donations can be made at various on-campus locations! ;t Twizzlers Week ----Buy anything-- .'1 Yes, anything worth $5 ( '. , and use this coupon for Free Twizzlers Menu: April21-25 Monda~ ~ Herb Roasted hicken r ------III Tuesdal I Free Twizzlers I Pasta Bu et I With I Wednesday Strip Steak Lunch I $5 purchase @ I C-Store/U mart Thursday . I I Dijon Crusted Pork Loin I With coupon--expires I I 4/28/03 I Friday .. .. Grilled Salmon , ------.age 8 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _____ Riverman Steven McCoy pitches during Thursday's game against the '.. Noon vs. St. Joseph's [DH] Lincoln Blue Tigers. In seven innings, McCoy gave up 10 hits and 6 runs. The Rivermen lost the game 6-5. '. r ~ 00 Ifflu ~~ April 22 =: . 4 p.m. vs. Quincy [DH] Title IX is beneficial but has caused problems :: 24 ~. Legislation has created a new brand of inequity among different sports : 3:30 p.m. @ Quincy [DH] :: 26 If you have been living under a sports completely vanished at many or basketball, doesn't just hurt that pro has both directly and indirectly affect :.. rock and have not had access to a cal schools during the period when cuts gram. It hurts the sports world. Every ed the equality between different • Noon @ SL Joseph's [DH] endar, we are now in a new centmy. . were made. time funding is given to a new sport, sports. ~.. in Rensselaer, Ind. That's right. It's 2003 and, as athletes Regardless of the success of the that sport gets validated and is wel ,," and sports personalities, we have made aforementioned sports, each was fund comed as a new sport. For many PROPS AND PoTSHOTS :: 27 much progress. However, despite the ed in a sometimes arbitrary manner. years, SOCcer was not played in col - The elections here have already .,. progress toward improved gender The decisions were based upon popu leges or anywhere in the United States. been held, and I know its a little late Noon @ Indianapolis [DH] " equities, new problems have arisen. larity of the sport, rather than year-by However, once funding was given to it and somewhat annoying, but Adam ~: 30 And these problems go hand in hand year success, a sad commentary in col on the collegiate leve~ its popularity Schwadron is the man for SGA .... with that of Title IX legislation. legiate sports. grew. The same can be said for anoth President. He's the Babe Ruth of pol .sp;m. vs. McKendree [DH] Passed in 1972, Title IX stands as a Do such things happen here at UM er sport, lacrosse, which may.continue itics-very large an<;i gets angered easi- monument to diversity and a pillar to St. Louis? Well, for the most part, no. to grow as a new sport if it is respect ly. - ' i gender equity, However, in a noble If they do happen, they happen for dif ed as a true sport. - Who is this Dick Bums character ~: m O. attempt to level the playing field, it has ferent reasons or to a lesser extent. In the battle for funding are new from The Stagnant that has been •• created new inequities, underrn:iiling Recently, the softball, baseball and sports and old sports. For exrnnple, impersonating me? He really needs to :: April 25 -. the importance of all sports. volleyball programs each saw their .. The UM-St. Louis men's tennis gles 6-2, 6-2 for the 5-1 win. c teams finished in third place at the The Rivermen entered the tourn~ Great Lakes Valley Conference ment as the fifth seed and faced fourili Tournament with a 5-1 victory over seeded Bellarmine in the quarterfinal;: . Indianapolis on Saturday afternoon. UM-St. Louis beat the Knights easily, UM-St Louis took two of the three winning 5-0 to advance to the semifi doubles matches and then won three nals to face top-seeded Northem singles matches to put the Greyhounds Kentucky. UM-St. Louis lost a clo ~ away. The Riverrnen dropped an 8-3 doubles match in that one and was win at one doubles but took easy wins down 2-1 after the three doubl;' at two and three doubles. Mario matches. The Rivermen could not pUll Gruden and Rajan Saini won 8-2 at out enough wins in singles play, losirf$ two doubles, and Martin Damm and 5-2 • Martin Kardos won 8-1 at three dou UM-St. Louis will now wait Until bles. GLVC Freshman of the Year next week to find out if the team ; Mike Schaaf then won a 6-2, 6-4 earned a bid to the NCAA Regionals. It match at three singles for OM-St. would mark the second straight year Louis. Gruden picked up another team for the Rivermen to reach the region point with a 6-2, 6-4 win at four sin also They accomplished that feat for the gles, and Martin Damm won at six sin- first time in school history last year. : ;. RECAP THiRD PLACE MATCH: MISSOURI-ST. LOUIS 5,lNDIANAPOLIS 2 ,. Doubles: 1. Ross JohnsonlMarko Saulovic (UI) def. Matt VaulkhardlMike Schaaf (UMSL) 8-3 2. Rajan SainilMario Gruden (UMSL) def. Justin Linder/Chris Symmes (UI) 8-2 3. Martin DammlMartin Kardos (UMSL) def. Brandon CookiDustin Guthrie (ill) 8-1 Singles: ~ 3. Mike Schaaf (UMSL) def. Chris Symmes (UI) 6-2, 6-4 ' . 4. Mario Gruden (UMSL) def. Justin Linder (UI) 6-2, 6-4 6. Martin Damm (UMSL) def. Dustin Guthrie (UI) 6-2, 6-2 Riverwomen fall to UWP. Rangers in double header The Wisconsin-Parkside softball Parkside's bats exploded in the top of team defeated UM-St. Louis twice in the fifth, scoring sixth fUllS to give the a double header Saturday afternoon. Rangers a 7-3 lead. The Riverwomen The Riverwomen fell 7-6 in the first scored in the bottom of the fifth on an game, and the second game was called RBI single by Kulaitis, but would with three outs left in the bottom of only score two more runs in the bot the seventh to make the final score 3- tom of the seventh to make the final Three Rivermen ,earn GLVC honors, including All-Conference O. UM-St. Louis is now 12-24-1 over score 7-6. Daillelle Moore picked ;p , The UM-St. Louis men s tennis team :bad ihree Vaulkhard was 6-1 in conference competition on matches. all and 3-ll in conference action. the loss, moving her record to 3-8 .-- ,.. • Who is eligible? Females (ages 18+) in heterosexual dating relationships of a least 3 months duration may be eligible for participation. • How long will the study take? Estimated 1-1.5 hours. • What will I receive for my partici pation? Upon completion of the study, each member of the couple will receive $15 (total of $30) If you are interested in participating, contact our research office at (314) 516-5411 to determine if you are eligible for the study. N. lindbergh ext. 258 'Prim' use all roboles.oo ....er Inrenl"''', mm ar, not "",,~"Ie nfillanad timJgh /;\MCA using their ,,,,,,",I Plogitntl. All fine"," program,. indurling through ,111.1(1\ ore subje ------Mature tones ing into the world of adult contempo BY AMY GONWA along with the beat. Maybe this slow response was due to the fact that the rary, Feel turned up the volume and Music Critic group is a new and unheard of name, shocked the room with rhythm. The From the moment Feel began or that their style is not consistent ending was much more alive and full playing their calm, steady rock bal with the regulars of Mississippi of dedication. One eager fan jumped lads, the band was beaming with joy. Nights. on stage and helped ' the band close To kick off their set, the quartet The April 9, 2003 show was Feel's down the show with their version of began wjth their most recently com attempt to promote their self-titled an old Rolling Stones favorite "Can't posed song, "Down on Me." This debut release. " The charmingly play Always Get What You Want." 'The song became the constant for the ful lyrics of singer/songwriter Scott audience truly makes the ' whole group's mellow rock set to follow. Sax were evident in each song from show; they are the show," said Sax. The beats remained steady from the album. The ideas are simple and This statement proved itself to be true drummer Dave Shaffer, covered in a uplifting but at times repetitive, forc during Feel's perf0nnance. blanket of resonating vocals by Scott ing a monotonous tone into the music. Feel's debut tour has only just Sax. Mark Getten and Billy "You can't tour wjth the name Feel begun; St. Louis was the group's third Alexander kept the rhythm section in and just go through the motions," said stop on the cross-country ride. Feel is . check wjth their alternating bass and Scott Sax when I inquired about their accompanied on their tour by two guitar licks. experience on their first official tour. extremely talented. bands, headlining Feel's set was one of mixed emo You can see that the band does truly Luce and the Duce Project. The Duce . tions for the crowd. At the initial rise believe in what they are doing and Project is a dual effort in renovating of the music, the crowd sat calmly, ftnd a great joy in the art of making acoustic rock. Josh and Noah, two kind of swaying their heads, I'm not and performing their own music. The young men from Austin, Tx., proved sure if they were "feeling" the tune-s sound of the band that developed that they possess the capacity to move that the group was so gleefully dis throughout their set was that of soft, an entire room of people with one playing. By the end., there wa~ more eighties-influenced rock; and if you song. of a response and excitement from a enjoy easy listening, then this may be few members of the crowd, and some the band for you. Dave Shaffer, percussionist for Feel, keeps the DITOR even flocked to the stage to shake But just as I thought we were drift- see FEEL, page 11 ing the band's April 9th gig at Mississippi Nights. , CATHERINE ,.,.... ARQUIS-H OMEYER i bt.p, i j;1 e" iai,i; ...,' . A&E Editor ,.::. . ~.: phone: 516-4886 Film romances supernatural ~2 : fax: 516-6811 . ~ . .,.. BY CATHERINE camera work to support the emotional :.t MARQUIS-HOMEYER acting. In some ways, the flashback to A&E Editor the childhOod tragedy is the more compelling story, wjth very nice acting The title is from a poem, which is by the teen perfonners, Lindley Joyner ~A&E fitting, for this little independent film as 15-year-old Sam and Brooke Calendar aspires to be a poetic tale of supernat Hannan as Silvy, the beautiful 14- ural-tinged romance. year-old girl tragically bound in leg "Til Human Voices Wake Us" is braces. ," such a puzzling title that it was hard to There are a few ways to view the \ imagine what the film might about, story's events, but perhaps the easiest but clearly, the cast was irresistible for way to interpret them is to consider ::Movies indie film fans; Guy Pearce and most of the story as a dream prompted, Helena Bonham-Carter play the main by a mix of memories and re~ts roles. While the quote frolP T.S. brought out by the journey home. The Film openings are subject · Elliot's "The Love Song of Alfred 1. memory flashbacks are easy to follow, <> change. Prufrock" in the title hints at a sinister since Dr. Frank's thoughts always 'I return to the same summer, but in the :' aspect, the film that unfolded was , more romantic and less straightfor modern part of the tale, fantasy verses I ward than the tone set by the opening reality is harder to separate, if it sepa few minutes would lead the viewers to rates 'It all. Is Ruby real? Are coinci April24 believe. dences supernatural? How much is '1 "Til Human Voices Wake Us" is a fantasy? As the film progresses, the :. I puzzling supernatural tale that starts doctor's memory of loss increasingly ;, A Man - another Warhol out with a grounding in the ordinary drives what happens, like the uncon jl.m; this is the-one with a world. The film opens with Australian scious \',ishes of dreams. The script" 'fief apPearance by the psychiatrist Dr. Samuel Frank (Guy helps us little with solving the mystery · oman who shot him. Free, Pearce) lecturing On two kinds of for and lingers in the realm of questions...... he night only, Webster's getting: the accidental forgot-where ·Photo courtesy Capital Records and poetic metaphor, rather than .oore Auditorium you-put-your-keys kind of forgetting Helena Bonham Carter as Ruby and Guy Pearce as Dr. Sam Franks in the Paramount Classics retmning us to the rational. world in and the suppression of painful memo- . supernatural romance "Til Human Voices Wake Us," directed by Michael Petroni. which we started the story. "ndy Warhol Film Fest - ries. The introduction sets us up to Some film aficionados detest the "ebster Film Series' program think about memory and the tricks it attempt, but now Ruby caD no long heavily on the two stars, Guy Pearce remaining elusive and evasive about movie convention where surreal f films by the '60s pop art can play. Shortly, we see the stoic Dr. remember who she is. As Dr. Frank and Helena Bonham-Carter. One who she is or why she's there, things happen and in the end the char 'on continues with I, A Frank reluctantly returning by train to tries to help her to regain her memory, could hardly ask for a better combina Bonham-Carter, so good at being both acter awakens and we discover it was _ an, the film in which the the small outback town of his child the film takes a surreal turn and a larg tion for a romantic tale, with Pearce, romantically appealing and madden all a dream. This film: doesn't quite · oman who shot him makes hood after his father's death because er mystery draws them together. so marvelous as the star of the unfor ingly rebellious and indirect, works take that far~too-easy cinematic way .: brief appearance. The his father's final request was to be Thus starts a series ofcoincidences gettable "Memento," paired with her usual magic in the part. Pearce's out of non-rational events, but it seems inal film in the series, buried there. Dr. Frank is a tightly con and eerie events that mix in wjth flash Bonham-Carter, who cut her teeth on perfonnance is moving and poignant, hard to come to another view of the _'onesome Cowboys, will be trolled, unemotional man, but the back sequences of Dr. Frank's child "Merchant-Ivory" costume fIlms as the doctor's professional demeanor story, especially with the doctor's . hown on May 1. Free and death and his trip home rekindle hood memories. AB the childhood before switching to edgier, modern wjth Ruby melts away and his barriers remark that he never dreams. The 'De night only at Webster's unbidden memories. On the train, he memories. build up a story of young stuff like "Fight Club." Undeniably, against painful memories erode. device might be acceptable if the film · oore Auditorium dozes in his compartment and is awak love and u'agedy, questions are raised Pearce and Bonham-Carter bring the There is a certain art-film-as-goth created a larger metaphor for life or the ened by a young woman named Ruby about the enigmatic Ruby: Who is she right appearance and qualities to the ic-romance flavor to the film. With the human condition. This story seems a (Helena Bonham-Carter), who quizzes and why is she there? Soon we are screen for theSe. roles. Pearce, who . mysteries, eerie coincidences and touch too vague and formless to give the reserved doctor. When the doctor questioning if she is -mad., a ghost, a appears in a beard that conceals his ghostly references, the film is more us much beyond its own mystery to leaves the compartment briefly, he dream or a fantasy summoned by Dr. boyish looks and gives him a bit more feeling than substance. The many ref think about after the lights come up. April 25 returns to find her vanished. However, Frank's longings and regrets from long gravitas, plays the character as a cold, erences to the tragic poem and to liter While the atmospheric photography the mysterious woman suddenly reap ago. "TIl Human Voices Wake Us" restrained professional, or at least until ature and Shakespeare make the film and talented actors are winning, a bit pears in his hometown late one night, gives us plenty of puzzles but no real the mysterious Ruby reappears and seem as an almost studied attempt to more universal substance and a bit less standing on a bridge above a river. Dr. solution. sparks long-buried romantic longings. be poetic, an attempt not completely cinematic smoke and mirrors would - John Cusack stars I~entity Frank rescues her from the water after This dream-like tale is all flavor. Bonham-Carter's Ruby is outgoing successful. However, it is visually have made a stronger, more memo-: in a thriller about people she falls, in what may be a suicide and atmosphere and, hence, leans and refuses to be ignored, while beautiful, with some nice atmospheric rable film. tr.apped together in a hotel 'ith a murderer in their midst; directed by James E :a~gold (Girl, Interrupted). 1:1.:-':; ;1 A" I,'," I( ~uns in the Family - Michael Douglas, Kirk Douglas and more Douglas How to be decker than .thou guide f~mily, plus Rory Culkin, star BY SARA PORTER ster is someone that is impossible to body fat." and shallow this culture can be when in this comedy/drama about ... _._ .. ,bming to terms with one's Features Associate hold a conversation with unless, of Latham refers to all of the things it is pretending not to be. There is a f~mily course, the other person is a hipster. that a Hipster needs to know, includ- fine balance between promoting a cul Author Robert Lanham and . ing what bars that true Hipsters go to ture and using it to display its flaws, Movern Caller - indie film Admit it, you illustrators Bret Nicely and Jeff ("only ' those with monosyllabic and Lanham offers, for the most part, about Scottish girl whose know what a hipster Bechtel capture the so-called names like Bob, Shine, or Plant"), the latter. Many people who know aimless life takes on a new is. A hipster is the "hipster trend'" with "The what are some of the best Hipster uni hiIA~ters in their lives may get a good dIrection when she finds an type of person who Hipster Handbook," a funny, versities, such as NYU ('"Throw a chuckle out of this book, since they urpublished manuscript will only see inde wjtty and satirical book that copy of Film Cut Pro and you will hit can probably see friends or ·even pendent art films and pokes fun at those who a film student on.this campus, throw a themselves in it. . ~ising Victor Vargas - com considers fans of "Star Wars" and . think of themselves as hash pipe and watch them wrestle one On the fin side, this book has some edy with appealing young ''Lord of the Rings" as lower than "decker than thou." Of another to grab it first"), jobs and how serious flaws as well. It runs on far too stars about a quirky family; the dirt beneath their finger- course, hipsters never to act at job interviews ("avoid places long. Because it appears to be written cpming-of-age tale about . nails, A hipster is someone use the words "cool" that say we are looking for a 'straight by hipsters for hipsters, it gets really self-styled young teen heart who likes music bands and "uncool." It's shooter"'), hipster terms and the spe old after awhile, particularly for non breaker who sets out to win from independent labels always "deck" for good cific movies, music and books that hipsters. Reading it is like having a lqcal beauty Juicy Judy in and then complains that and "fin" for bad. While hipsters must have to be considered . conversation with a Hipster. After a N'Y's, Lower East Side they "sell out" when more on t1ie surface level, the hipsters (The Residents' Eskimos, the while, you either want to get as far 1 than five people like them. A book appears to be showing film "Buffalo '66" and lD. Salinger's away from them as possible or need to Cpnfidence ~ things get hipster is someone who all that is supposedly won "Franny and Zoey" are musts). restrain yourself from · doing physical complicated when con thinks that he is above com derful wjth this trend, it really "Handbook" also includes detailed harm. The satire makes good points artists unknowingly con a paring clothing and hair- takes some great jibes at these descriptions of common hipster types, but really puts non-hipster readers at l~calmob boss; stars Ed . styles, but then turns his people for their masked conceit such as Bipsters ("Blue collar hipsters a disadvantage because they may feel Burns, Dustin Hoffman their nose up at anyone and pretentiousness. who want nothing to do . with the that they are being set up for ridicule ,I who gets their clothes from Lanham gives the official leisure class Hipsters"), Maxwells, as well. Pbwer and Terror: Noam places like Wal-Mart or dictionary definition of a hipster Carpets, and CK-l's (gays, lesbians, And if I ever see another book with Chomsky In Our Times - , the malls. A ' hipster is as "one who possesses tastes, and bisexuals respectively) and Neo the word "deck" in it, it will be too f~lm about MIT linguist and someone who claims to social attitudes, and opinions Crunches (hippie Hipsters who swear soon. pplitical philosopher Noam bean individual, when deemed cool by the cool. The hip- they are not hippies because they Ironically, the people who may Chomsky, who was called all they are doing is ster walks among the masses of don't listen to Jerry Garcia). enjoy this book the least are hipsters "~he most important intel recycling trends from daily life but is not a part of them and '"The Hipster Handbook" does themselves, unless they have a good lect alive" by the NY Times. the last thirty years shuns or reduces to kitSch anything have some deck qualities. It is a bit sense of humor. But non-hipsters may Through April 27 only at and repackaging them held dear by the mainstream. A hipSter ingly savage satire at the hipsters close this book and be grateful that w'ebster's Moore Auditorium under a new name. A hip- illustration courtesy Anchor Books ideally possesses no more than 2% themselves, showing how pretentious they are not. April 21) 2003 ~Ise Current Just a hmt of grey and worth every penn BY AMY GONWA The sonic sounds bursting from Adam Carson's drums skills. and blunt, the group's unique sound ing. "Sing the Sorrow." Patience, ne~sevler~ Music en'tic AFrs sixth overall release and first API, which stands for A Fire will send them into crowds of all You can't go wrong buying the ance and a refusal to give in to major record label contract are a mor Inside, is pulling the carpet out from kinds. album, but your more monotonous modem music mold have proven "Will you join me in this dance of bid collision between heavy metal and under the less-conscious rock groups' They are not all about rough CDs may suffer a lack of playing time cessful for this Bay Area band. misery, cradled in impossibility," is an . punk rock sounds. The unpredictable feet. There is an air of revolutionary, sounds and screaming lyrics, as AFI with your new addition. The lyrical API's new CD will bring a avid invitation from API's anarchist pace and frightening rhythm of each deeply seated, raw human emotion proves in their track "Silver and ideas are not dark and dismal enough meaning to your definition ofhar(icorei ballad "Dancing Through Sunday." song could cause such side effects as spilling from "Sing the Sorrow." Cold." The song begins with a soft, to stunt your mood, but there is a sense punk rock. The API's newest release, "Sing the excessive head banging and an annful 'These waves of plastic fame are dry romantic piano interlude, which is of tragedy in "Sing the Sorrow." This approach to punk is one that will Sorrow" takes the listener on a pleas of tattoos. But, nonetheless, there is ing up and I smile / because you're eventually confronted by a melodic tragedy is not one that leaves you cry setting new standards in today's ant stroll through a raging fire. The something for everyone in between dying to become forever unknown," guitar rhythm. This break from loud ing, but one that makes you move. AFI native music scene. "Sing the ~n~~ .. ;". CD cannot be placed in any category, the lines of "Sing the Sorrow," from from API's "Paper Airplanes" demon ness is a grave addition to "Sing the has done it, and it's quite an accom is heavy, dynamic and packed with but you may find this uncharted terri the well-constructed poetry that drives strates the defiance the group is breed Sorrow" and screams that API is both plishment for a group that was formed sonic sound that will make any tory quite inviting. the tracks to the rigid pulse from ing in their album. Though chilling flexible and versatile in their songwrit- twelve years prior to the release of happy. ~I Using altemative modes of expression, these four men have redefined punk rock. AFI is the next band to look out for in 2003. They are not stopping until they are a household name. FEEL, from page 10 .. - ----_._------,-----_._-- --- _.. _-_ .__ .._. _.. ._ ------,.---.. - .._- ---_._---_..... ------Luce, which closed the night, is a roll. The sound is mellow and not to say the least. But eaCh individual blend of funky jazz, ska bmss and rock extremely different than what has been does truly encompass a great deal of and roll that electrified the small St. done for so many yean; in rock and emotion musically, and they do Louis venue. roll. The group's self-titled album, believe in what they are producing. If Got questions? To go to a Feel concert is to swing "Feel," will probably be a frequent you can settle for just another rock on the porch of mature-aged rock and flyer of the soft rock 102.5 airwaves, band, then Feel is for you. Can you help me understand this degree audit? What is a minor and do I need one? Can I retake a class Feel band members Mark Getten, bass, drummer Dave Shaffer, and vocalist/rhythm guitarist Scott Sax play April 9 at Mississippi Nights. The group is supporting its debut, self-titled album. to improve my GPA? Identity is I secret. Identity is a mystery. Identity is a Killer. CDLUMBIA~ & PICTURES LIJ cUnent *-----=- INVITE YOU AND A GUEST TO A SPECIAL SCREENING What are the pros and cons Stop by The Current offices at of dropping a class. 388 Millennium Student Center to pick up a complimentary screening pass for two to see Where can I IDENTITY find a tutor to 7:30PM help me with Thursday, April 24n, .--y-o-u-m-e-a-n-I-h-a-v-e-to--'----, th is class? Able Esquire 6706 Clayton Road St. Louis, MO 63117 apply for graduation? IDENTITY How do I do that? No purchase neccs;ary. While sUW1ics Jast. COLUWBIA. \. Passes 'V1lilable on • first-rome, first-sen-ed b>Sis. sony.com/ldentlty ~~ Participating """nsor; 225 Millennium Student Center 314-516-5300 VVWW.UMSL.EDU/SERVICES/ADVISING/ ~ ?kCurrent April 21,2003 , 1"~o,("l ~~E ~'llA~E \ ~. Adam 'g. 'Q~SBodendieck Well, time is almost up for us here Dear Waste of Space, answer your questions. Village Idiot Land. That's right, What we have to say to you is: Your first question is simple. You clock is slowly ticking down to ENJOY IT! Seriously man, you have gotta watch where you go to the bath end of our reign at the top. So sad it made. We wish we could be worth room, man. We strongly advocate see us go. Please, please don't cry. less wastes of space, but we have this bringing industrial strength sanitizer are always back issues of The noble endeavor here, and we unfortu wherever you go. Wipe down the you can read. Of course, if nately serve a purpose. Sucks don't rim, and you should be good to go. Student Activities Budget it? We will say that we recommend Not that it matters to you anymore; Imuni'j :tee has their way, there won't wearing pants. There are certain legal you've already got cauliflower grow any for you to read next year. constraints that go along with this ing on your little buddy (don't pick at that time, we will remain ever that you don't want to get involved it). in bringing you all the with. Besides, you don't want to be You second question was a little .. . err .. . fun money can buy. known in prison as the guy who likes trickier. However, after agonizing some people out there actu to drop trou. That could be bad, if and pouring over this question, we need our help. So, on to the ques- you catch our drift. have an answer for you (Truth be Really though, if you can go told, we took about 30 seconds think through life without giving a crap ing of this answer then went and Village Idiots, about the rest of the society, or even watched "Charles in Charge" reruns.) I have a question that students yourself, then you got it made. Think. [Jason's note: I want, I want Charles been pondering since the dawn of all the muffins you can spend you in charge of me ... DAMMIT! When time. Why is it, oh wise ones, that life eating. [Adam's note: We still will I learn to stop doing that?] FJ lf~ssursfeel the need to pile on so have yet to receive any muffins from [Adam's note: Jason, are you gay?] damn homework all at one our fans. We're beginning to think [Jason's note: I hate you, Adam.] all at the end of the year? It you don't love us anymore.] [Jason's Stay together with your woman. You no sense to me. I mean, are note: Never mind him, folks. He's were right when you said this could all total sadists with nothing bet very needy and is aching for your pre.sent a "strategic dating problem." to do with their time than to make approval. You may not know it, but You don't want to be known as the all suffer? Do they hate us? Do we every time we get hate mail, I have to herpes guy. Think of the taunts: bad? What is it ? hold him while he cries on my shoul "Here comes herpes guy." "Look out, -Signed, Totally Pissed Off der. It gets down right annoying at here comes little herpes man." ''Did times.] [Adam's note: Jason! You you know he has cauliflower grow Pissed Off, swore you'd never tell!] [Jason's ing on his little Jimmy?" At least This is something we know a lot note: Shut up Adam, you whiny with your girlfriend, you'll never We have been in college long baby.] have to have that uncomfortable con to know that college profes So, enjoy your life being worth versation explaining why you have a are indeed, sadists. However, less. If that's what brings you plea sharecropping farm below the belt or is not why they make you suffer sure, then have at it Who are we to why you are forever scratching your the end of the year. No, the reason criticize? Let he who is without sin crotch. Jason can attest to this as he give you all that homework is, throw the first stone .. . or something used to play hockey and oue of his simply, you (and by this we like that To be honest, for ordained teammates thought it'd be great to all students) are still as igno ministers, we know very little about put IcyHot in his jockstrap before a and stupid as you were at the the Bible. God bless the Internet. game. [Jason's note: That really ginning of the year. Yep. Think. about it. There is so much sucked.] In the long run, you'll be ofessors pretty much look at it like, great stuff on the Internet. Besides all thankfuL Plus, you won't have to ell hell, they've been in school the porn [Adam's note: We could worry about if your little problem is 's damn long, they aren't gonna really stop here.] [Jason's note: flaring up when you want to get to am anything new. Might as well Adam, you are one sick puppy.], making the sweet, sweetluvin'. She's ake their lives a living hell." which is great, where else could a already got it, so she can't very well Sorry to spring this on you now, couple of schmoes like us become get it again (Or can she? We're not t the truth must be told. Professors ordained ministers? Oh yeah, that really sure on this one.) So stay with te us. Can't stand us to be honest reminds us, we are legally able to do your lady friend. Trust us. (By the ow, we are sure some of you are weddings and funerals [Adam's note: way, we were serious about the bath ondering how we know this. Aren't those one in the same?], and room thing. We don't want to share lieve it or not, Adam can read we have very reasonable rates. And your funky disease with you.) . ds. It's kinda freaky sometimes, just think of how could it would be to -Love, Adam and Jason d it makes Jason feel very uncom say you had your wedding done by a rtable. [Adam's note: Jason, stop Village Idiot? We'll show up in tat So, another week has come and 'nking about porn please, you dirty tered jeans and t-shirts and hit on all gone. We're spent after all the hard tard.] [Jason's note: DUDE! Get the hot brides maids then exhaust the work we put in on this column. But at tta my head, ass.] [Adam's note: I liqour at your open bar. Doesn't that the end of the day, we rest comfort . ow you hate me, Jason. Stop think sound great? We. thought so. See our ably knowing we've helped you, our g it.] Of course, it does have one e-mail address below if you are inter lovely readers, with their problems. ctical advantage. Adam can always ested. We hope you all learned a valuable 11 when the chicks want to get him lesson. First: You are all stupid, the sack. It's something he always Jason and Adam, according to your professors. Police Officer ints out to Jason when they are out. Okay, so I have somewhm of a Second: If you are a worthless waste ason's note: He's usually in a problem My girlfriend and I recently of space, enjoy it. Third: Avoid the en stupor at the time.] discovered we have genital herpes. burners. They can haunt you for the Springfield Police Department Whoa .. .bit of a tangent there. What's really weird is, neither of us rest of your natural life. Fourth: rry guy. What we recommend is fool around on the side, so we have "Charles in Charge" has a catchy ite simple. Drop out of school. If no idea where this could have come theme song. Fifth: Jason really hates u do that, then you'll never have to from. I kind of want to break up with Adam. Thank you for playing and "Realize Your Potential... We Do!" al with those mean professors her, but on the flip side, this presents have a nice day. ain. (please do not write us and strategic dating problems. So, my If you have a question, send us an e mplain that We advocate dropping questions are two fold. 1) How could mail: [email protected] t of college. And please don't write we get herpes if we don't screw The City of Springfield, MO is seeking individuals ready for a telling us this isn't the proper around on each other? 2) What If you don't like e-mail, you can challenging and rewarding career in law enforcement. Starting rum for condoning dropping out.) should I do about my girlfriend? bring a question to us on the third -Love, Jason and Adam Breakup or not? floor of the MSC, room 388. salary is $30,617, plus clothing allowance and paid employee -Signed, Fire Down Below !!!DISCLAIMER!!! health insurance; the City of Springfield offers a competitive ben Adam and Jason, Adam Bodendieck and Jason I recently realized I am a worth Dearest Burner, Granger are by no means qualified to waste of space. I serve no pur Ylkes! Please let us know when efits package, below-average cost of living, annual advancement dispense advice. They are a couple of and have no direction in life. you are going to use one of the cam stupid college guys. Please dD not and pay-increase opportunities. I wake up in the morning, I pus bathrooms so we can not ever use send them serious questions. It will be 'f even put on pants. Seriously, I that one again. You crazy kid and assumed that if you send them ques no reason to be alive. Now, I am your crazy Sills. When will you tions, they are in jest and open to saying I'm going to off myself, ever learn? And what's with this two The current application deadline is May 16, 2003, for June 1, Adam and Jason's own particular I am confused about what to do questions for the price of one stuff? brand of humor: This column is the rest of my life. Please help Who do you think we are? We're 2003 testing. Successful applicants will begin their Academy in intended to be read as parody. So gonna have to charge you extra for there. June 2004. For qualified applicants, the Springfield Police this. But since you asked, we will -The Management Department will offer optional early hire dates beginning in December 2003. Applicants must be aU.S. citizen; 21 years of age at time of commission; possess 60 semester hours from an accredited col lege or 2 years full-time experience as a civilian or military police officer with arrest powers or po.ssess a Missouri Class A or B cer tification plus two years reserve or part-time law enforcement experience or possess 30 semester hourse from an accredited col lege or university plus 3 years Of- experience as a Springfield Police Cadet. Additional requirements include; no criminal record; excellent physical condition; no visible tattoos; other standards apply. To apply, call (314) 864-1607 and request an application or drop by 840 Boonville, Room 324 Springfield MO 65802. For more detailed information, visit our website: www.spriu2field m02ov.or2. We are committed to diversity and a drug free work place. Pre-employment drug testing. We comply with ADA. EOE/AAMlFNID 11 ,".r, "'VV.J l'age 1) Seeking roommate 4 speakers for sale Apple iMac Computer Roommate wanted for two-story AIWA STEREO RECEIVER Model Apple iMac 333MHz with 320mb VU St. Ann home. You get upstairs~ AX-100 RAM, 6gb HD, CD-ROM, USB , eth 2 - ZOO Watt Technics Speakers two private bedrooms and bath ernet, modem, keyboard , and with 40 words or fewer Z - 100 Watt Sony Speakers room. I am a teacher and grad stock mouse. EXTRAS: MacOS X The asking price for the entire student. All utilities included. 10.1, Imation SuperDi sk Drive, are·free to . package is $70. Apple Pro Mouse, custom CD Prefer grad student or profes Call Azlan at (314) 283-2190. students, faculty and staff sional. $400 per month; Please MacOS updates (9.2 & 10.1.5). &:, call Scot at 314- 73 3-0948. '90 Honda Civic shareware apps. $425. Email All classifieds are due via email by'5 p.m. on the Thursday before the publication date. [email protected] or (314 In addition to the name(s) of the advertiser, each classified submitted much contain automatic, 4-door, power win a student numbef or faculty/staff department and title(s) prior to publication. dows, AM.lFM, disc stereo, good 895-1302. . '96 Navy blue camaro, V6 body, runs great. $1000. Call 636- http://www.TheCurrentOnline.com [email protected] 1995 Chevy 5-10 3.8 Liter, Aut., Rear Wheel Drive, 346-8466. White, 190,000 miles manual Air Cond., Power Steering, Power speed, new engine w/ Pontaic Grand AM . Windows, Power Door Locks, Tilt new cat. converter& m 1994 Gray Metallic, 4 drs., AM/ FM, Wheel, Cruise Control, AM/FM Body & interior in good a lot of new parts. Professional •• • Need money? 1·bedroom apartment Summer roommate wanted stereo, compact disc system, CD ProNet on back. Asking $5000. maintenance, runs great. Need to Work as a telemarketer. Earn $8 One-bedroom apartment avail UMSL student seeking roommate Changer/Stacker, Dual Front 495-2293 Dusty or Shautel. able in June for a lease takeover. sell. Your best offer - call 314-727- per hour plus commissions and get from mid May - mid August to Ai rbags , ASS (4-whl), inside black Located in the Central West End. 0786, cell 314-713-4549. Like New Bedroom Set , .\ your own schedule. Call Carl at share a 2-bedroom apartment. leather, power seat, t-bar roof. If you are interested or know . Only a few years old. Excellent ;, 786-4444. Inside & outside excellent condi· anyone who is, please call me at Apartment has diswasher, laundry Notebook c omputer condition. Black and gold with 314~454- 3836. facilities on grounds,pool, AC, tion, four new . tires, excellent Student Assistant Needed Black Marble tops five piece bea~ mechanical and clean engine. HP model ze5170, Intel P4-2.0 The Faculty Resource Center is cable, fully furnished. Mansion Seeking roommate GHz, 512 MB DDR SDRAM, 40 GB room set. Set includes full size' seeking a student assistant ·· who Hills Apartments, super close to $8,500. Call 603-1545 . UM-St. Louis student, black ATA100 HD, DVD-Rom + CD-RW headboard with mattress and bo~~ has working of PC and campus (near the ball fields), 10 k~owledge female, early 20s, smoker, quiet, 1987 Chevy Cavalier combo, ATI 32 MB video, 15" XGA· spring, large ~ix drawer dressef Macintosh computers. MIS or com min. walk to the MetroLink. studious, keeps to self, serious 120xxx miles. This is not a good TFT screen, 10/100 NIC , 5.6K with mirror, a hutch/chest, and $260/month plus phone and elec puter science backg~ound is pre- minded. Seeking female roommate looking car, · but it runs great. modem, Windows XP Home + tons nightstand. Paid $1500, selling tric. If you are interested, call of bundled software, 3 yr. ext. ~ ferred. Stop by the Faculty to share two bdrm. apartment, $1000 or best offer. 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'A'hi1e VISIting the paper online, be • Save even more on your repayments sure and sign up for the email edition. by taking advantage of ' borrower It's the be t wa to tay informed benefits'that can reduce your interest beyond graduation. and it' fr e. rate by up to an additional 1.25% by The Current has teamed up wi·fh CarsForGrads.com to help graduating seniors making electronic and on-time find rebates on thei;rfavori,te cars. Visit WWW.thecurrentonline.com and click on STUDE.*.NT LOAN CO NSOLI DATION PROGRAM OUIi ad for more information. repayments. While vjsi~ing the newspaper online, be sure and sign up for the email edition. www.thecurrentonline.com www.slcp.com [t's·the best way to stay informed beyond graduation, and it's free. Page 14 '1k,Current April 21, 2003 M IRTHDAY, from page 6 Students also had the opportunity 'Fun Slide' offered slightly tamer promotional CDs and other informa to go on carnival rides. 'Dizzy entertainment for those who had tion. Dragons,' 'The Hurricane' and an out . already stuffed themselves with funnel At 2 p.m., students filled the Pilot of-control ferris wheel promised an cake. House in eager anticipation. The afternoon of ligbtheaded, nauseous Ri.dio station 105.7 The Point excitement rose as a DJ stepped onlli fun, while bumper cars and a giant joined in the day of mirth, giving out stage and said, "I'd like to welcome everybody to Nappy Hour!" Terry Marbry, freshman, secondary education, sat close to the stage. "[My favorite part of Mirthday] is enjoying the concert with friends and hanging out I'm a huge fan of Nappy Roots," she said while waiting for the show to begin. FInally, popular rap group Nappy Roots took the stage and began the Mirthclay concert They performed for an hour, singing various songs off of their February 2002 album, "Watermelon, Chicken and Gritz." The Kentucky-based outfit fired up the crowd, and before long people were dancing and singing along with the music. . "This is like a house party! Nappy Roots is at your house party!" they said. Mike Sherwinl The Cummt One band member pulled off his ABOVE: Awlka Vlsayachaipan, graduate student, business, writes out students' names in Thai bandana and tossed it into the crowd. while manning the Thai Student Association booth during the Mirthday celebration. Later, he emptied a bottle of water on the crowd. Halfway through the show, Nappy Roots honored victims of September 11, those fighting in the war and musicians that have died in recent years. "Who in here misses Tupac ShakurT' they asked the crowd. ""'" ''What about B.I.G.? Big Pun? f? Aaliyah? Lisa Left~Eye Lopez?" In L-__~~ __L- ~~-L ______~ ~ order to pay -tnbute to those fighting ABOVE: Students enjoy the massive slide set up Wednesday. and those who have ' died, the group BELOW: Amy Asinger, senior, psychology, and Brian Kennedy, told the audience to hold two fingers junior, history try out the "Bungee Run," where .students tether up as a symbol of respect and remem themselves to a bungee cord, run forward, and are quickly brance. snapped backward. After . the concert, band members signed autographs gave hugs, answered questions and took pictures with fans. . "My favorite part of peUorming for a college audience is that it's one big party_When the crowd is reciting your lyrics--that's connection," said "Gutcb" (Ron Wllsoo). "Scales" (Melvin. Adams) enjoys performing at colleges becau'ie of the diversity, "What you learn at college is oot so much out of a book You meet so many cultures," he said_ Other Mirtbclay events included volleyball, candle making, a talent competition to see wbo would be named the UMSL Idol, games and booths representing a variety of cam pus organizations. MIke Sherwin! 'lbe Ol1'l'W Mirthclay was sponsored by the ABOVE: A gyro-tron was set up on the first floor of Garage D. Students line up for their tum to University Program Board and the Mike Sherwinl ]be CummJ twist and spin. Office of Student Life. a~ ~ ~ '~ 4) s::. C/l ~ :iii ~------, ABOVE: Veloney Jack (In glass es), senior, psychology, sports a festive look during the Mlrthday celebration Wednesday. RIGHT: Nappy Roots performed Wednesday for a large crowd of "****-C.W, Nevius.!A SAN tour FRANClSCO deCHRONICLE students in the Pilot House. Ic OFFICIAL SELECl'ION .\ BELOW: Nick Baker, junior, sec \S~£Lq~lcyJdMPmm~ALJ ondary education, takes a ride on the bumper cars. -t-