CONTESTING CONVENTIONAL ORDER

TO PROMOTE EQUALITY: A LIFE HISTORY STUDY

Kathleen Mae Gates

A thesis submitted in conforrnity with the requirernents for the degree of Doctor of Education Department of Adult Education, Comrnunity Development, and Counselling Psychology Ontario institute for Stucües in Education of the University of Toronto

@ Copyright by Kathieen M. Gates 2000 National Library BM duBiMio= Ca mtionale uisitions and Acquisitions et Ea bgnphé ~~s ssivices bibliographiques

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TO PROMOTE EQUALITY: LIFE EISTORY RESEARCH

Kathleen Mae Gates, Doctor of Education, 2000 Department of Adult Education, Community Development, and Counseiiing Psycbology University of Toronto

ABSTRACT

This life history research explores the stories of women educators who contest conventional order to promote equality. Seven research participants, representing a variety of professions, were selected for the inquiry because of their pioneering public work to decrease inequalities consequent to ageism, classism, racism, sexism and stigmatization of people with chronic illness. The research focus was to explore the women's unique, historically situated experiences of contesthg conventional order to promote equality and to illuminate social pmcesses and conditions related to the phenornenon.

The theoretical basis of this life history research is located within the constnictivist paradigm; symbolic interactionism and critical feminist theory provided grounding for the study of social iife and human conduct. 1 shared formative life stones to situate my perspective as a researcher. Initially, the participants engaged in three loosely stnictured interviews. The research participants' stories were condensed and shaped hto profiles using their own words and accordhg to the research focus. 1 intmduce the profiles according to theoretical and contextual applications that arose hm the participants' voices and actions. The disjunctive moment-that space of deliberation, of simultaneously seeing the deficiencies of the status quo and of envisionhg new possibilities for action-is descnied diffenntly by every woman. 1 analyzed the profiles and supporthg documentation to identiQ a theme for each woman that comected different aspects of her life history. The themes represent each woman's particula. impetus for seeing injustice and constnicting acts to increase equality for segments of the population. The interconnections between themes are described from a social activism perspective. Finally, the "inclusive eye" is an image used to synthesize the research

findings. When research participants use an "inclusive eye" to see, their stories erode boundaries to advance the well-being of oppressed and non-oppressed people alilce.

iii To my parents

Jessie (Ross) Gates, 1905-

Archie Gates, 1894- 1975

You gave me hope. Acknowledgements

1 want to express my gratitude to the many people who were onstage and behd the scenes in the production of my thesis.

The wornen who are profiled in this study-Jasmine, Kat-, Lauren, Leah, Moira, Sarah, Winnifred-were generous beyond expectation. They push the borders of understanding what it rneans to contest conventional order to prornote equality from standpoints within thek own contexts. They welcomed me to stand beside them and to see original viewpoints and new vistas. 1 would like to thank each of them for their contriiution to my life work and for making the world a more inclusive, humane space with respect for differences.

Ardra Cole, my thesis supeMsor, has been my faithfùl guide throughout this research process. 1 would like to thank her for honouring my work, asking the right questions, encouraging me to listen to my own voice, and creating cornmunities and networks of leaming and support. Ardra's teaching and writhg provide living examples of ways to promote equality in the field of education. During our research group meetings, 1 was amazed by her ability to reflect on each person's work-in-progress with a profouod understanding of it and of the process issues related to it.

Patrick Diamond, a member on my thesis committee, was inspirational in providing quotations and references that have a direct bearing on my research. During the fmal cornmittee meeting, he cited sentences nom the thesis that hold profound meaning for me and he made me appreciate the value of my engrossrnent with the research participants. 1 want to lem how to make reflections that enable students' to see other dimensions of their work.

Jack Miller, another member on my thesis cornmittee, encouraged me to examine the spiritual and feminist underpinnings of the research that were not explicit in the research proposal. When 1took Jack's class, Tlie Contemplative Prdtioner, we began the class with the Buddhist lovingkindness meditation. That meditation experience transfonned my Iearning experience. Lovingkindness is the spirihial basis of this holistic research.

1 want to thank Janice Bell, University of Calgary, for acting as my extemal examiner. 1 first met Janice at an Externship hosted by the Family Nursing Unit in Calgary that was attended by nurses from around the world. The Externship integrated research, practice and education as related to family nursing in an impressive way. 1appreciate Janice Bell's appraisal of and valuable feedback about my research.

1 want to thank my Eends at OISE for their support, encouragement and inspiration. Rosalie shares her work and her poetry with me. Inez pushes rny borders with her images. Margie's creativity and optimism inspire me. Anna introduces me to dance as a metaphor for Me. Lois is a grounded and carhg presence for me. Jacquie listens attentively and shares perspectives with me. My fnends and colleagues in the School of Nming at Ryerson Polytechnic Univemw have been a wondefil and long-standing source of support to me. It is my hopthat we will do collaborative research work together in the friture.

Last, but not least, 1want to acknowledge my fhily. Thanks to my husband Don for valuing rny research so that, together, we couid make space for its completion. Thanks to my son Daniel for his editing, and typing-but rnostly for his mirthful laughter, his inspiring insights and his optimistic outlook. Thanks to my daughter-in-law, Shiva, for her support, openness and enthusiasrn for life and leamuig. Thanks to Lisa, my daughter, for her superb and ruthless editing, her compassion for others, and her cornmitment to exceilence. The love of my farniiy uplifts me. TABLE OF CONTENTS Abstract ...... Dedication ...... Acknowledgements ......

CHAPTER ONE

EMBARKING ON A NARRATIVE LNQUIRY

Purpose ...... The Research Questions ...... Contesting Conventional Order ...... To Promote Equality ...... Equality in o Canadian Context ...... Socia1 Actiw'sm in the Pursuit of equality ...... Defining the Disjunctive Moment ...... Human Experiential Space ...... Signposts for readers ...... Prepare for the "Box Car Mystery " ...... Be Open to Multiple Perspectives ...... Chapter One Summary ......

CHAPTER TWO

FORMATIVE LIFE ENCOUNTERS

The Role of Story in Meaning-Making ...... Recounting Formative Stories ...... Being My Parents ' Child ...... Conronting Dzrerence ...... Beginning with Myself ...... Stories of Simone Weil 's Social Activism ...... Our Family Unfolds ...... Empathy Promotes Inclusion ...... Growing Together Zhrough Dialogue ...... Chapter Two Summary ...... TBE CONSTRUCTIVIST PARADIGM: A SITE FOR LiFE HISTORY RESEARCH

Choosing Qualitative Reseuch ...... Using a Constructivht PPndigm ...... Ontology ...... Episemology ...... Positioning Symbolic Interactionism in Research ...... Critical Feminist Theory ...... Sensing Qualities of Connoisseurship Constructivism ...... Martin Heidegger ...... Rudo ff Dreiikurs ...... Madonnu Kolbenschlag ...... Michael White ...... Martin Luther King. Jr ...... Refections on the Disjunctive Moment in Activists ' Stones ...... Chapter Three Summary ......

APPLYING THE LIFE HISTORY RESEARCH METHOD Re-Searching Women9sStories ...... O..,. Research Participants ...... IntmbewingProcess ...... Obtaining Daunrentary Evidence ...... Weaving Women9sStories ...... Co~tsbuctionof Narrative Pro/ies ...... Contextualking the Profiles with an Introduction ...... Muking Thematic Connections Between Profies ...... Striving Toward Ethical Ideals in Life History Research ...... Autonomy ...... Nonmaleficence ...... Beneficence ...... Justice ...... Chapter Four Summary ...... PROFILES: RE-PRESENTING LIFE VIEWS

Prom One: Jasmine's Story ...... I call the two threads in my life the "hard" path and the "sojt " path ...... I come from the colonued world ...... Ifl warn 't an activist. I would be the peflect token ...... Anti-racism education is tokenried here ...... Problems dwing a collaborative research project ...... Students of coiour have been treated as badly or worse than I have ...... Everybody knows I am on the student f side ...... My faculty colleagues don't want to hear about racism in the cfassroonr ... I had a wonderfll childhood. lots of love. loa& of stim ulution ...... It was a trip ... that turned me into an activist ...... My family has shaped everything that I've done in my life ...... Look at the world around you to see how race plays a part ...... The roots of racism and ableism are dtrerent ...... To me the real activim comes in the risk-taking ...... Why are these people erperts oon us? ...... We take risks in doing social justice work ...... Profile Two: Moira9sStory ...... When I started job hunting ...... You 're still a teacher. onfy at a higher level ...... We are one race: the human race ...... Young people ... want change ...... Ifiunded the [ethno-cultura~association so we can be inelusbe as a people ...... It 's the simple things in life that I grew up with that I wont to pass on ...... Share a Loaf of bread and somebody doesn *thave to beg ...... We were dealing with the idea of loving and respecting each other ...... The welcome was not there ...... Racism is very destructive to sociev ...... We learnfiom each other ifwe take time to interact and understand ...... Igrew up knowing myself ...... I got my activefiror for community dewlopmentporn my teacher ...... I'm a human rights activist. and I live and breathe it ...... Profile Three: Sarah's Story ...... Ican think of experiences that stand out in terns of classism ...... We want o school newspaper ...... It came down to issues of multi~~1tura~ismand equity ...... TIe aBer rumbles of the publication of the newspaper have been exciting... There 's an mazing em'ronment at this school ...... I'd grown up in a second generation. Jihfamily ...... Drop me in a classroom andl'n OK ...... ne really amazing thing is that there is a bond ...... We teach jkom a position of power ...... We 're du& bound to make the kids aware of the larger power issues ...... A pedagogy about the wniing process ...... e...... b...... Iobserve apassivity ...... It would lie better iftheyfigured it tut with their own ingenuiîy ...... It 's a great fear of mine that one day nty enthusiasm will just go may ...... You begin with the student 's knowledge and experience ...... î%ethree inroads I've made ...... Profile Four: Winifred's Story ...... My wishfor influence is toward a collective goal ...... Social change is the pîece thar drives me ...... I carldn 't live wi!h the way certain knowledge is peripheralized ...... My loss of confidence ...... Findinga balance in li/e ...... Sou1 is a safe place to be wlnerable ...... I wus part of an underclass ...... Childhoodsoul moments ...... I chose to be a man and a lady ...... henotion of womanhood ...... I have role models in my extended family ...... 1always act as though something is possible ...... Profile Five: Kathryn's Story ...... I was struggling tofit in ...... Fonderjïd and also quite devastating ...... I wu an unwatered seed for so long ...... They were mentoringme ...... A tremendorcs shifr in identipfor me ...... Ithink the illness was a kind of epiphany ...... I was raised to be complirnt to authority ...... Concernjôr taking the lives of women seriousfy was always therefor me ... Leaming how to work throughfriendship ...... Wrilngfiom the Y"is probabiy going to be my most consistent fonn of resistance over time ...... I see religion and spiriruoity dtrerently ...... Love was incredibly important in that change process ...... Trunscendence happens in the sense-making ...... Proflle Slx: Laurea's Story ...... Would Ifind work with homeless people diverse and interesîing enough? ... Ijèft unprepared to do advocacy and political work walh the hodess ...... A group of us talk about how we achowledge ourpower ...... I went to the gym because I knew I had to ...... We told the story ...... I am choosing to take part in events that me hky ...... As a nurse I con speak out and challenge things ...... II takes a tremendars Rnowledge base ...... What 's going to muke a d~j'jierence? ...... I look bock on a very ordinary childhood ...... Cm you teach a heart connection? ...... Profile Seven: Leah's Story ...... The seniors 'program was based on the human growth movement ...... Our senior peer helping program tmtqforms and saves liws ...... mat do we have in common? ...... I went tofind "old people "for my thesis ...... It was crucialfor me to grow and to leam al1 the linse ...... I don't thinkit is bad to beselfsh ...... The Lmel of discovery is d~rerent ...... ***.**..*..... 1am aperson who neeb tofit in ...... The ideu of political correctness is about moving toward equulity ...... Situated howing is an important concept for me ...... My father didn 't how he was teaching me ...... My sister was a brilliant ucademic ...... I struggle to include more knowledge. more people ...... Chapter Five Summary ......

CHAPTER SIX

THEMES OF TRANSFORMATION

Common Themes ...... *...... Jasmine 's "Purpose" ...... Moira 's "Equity" ...... Sarah 's "Enthusiasm" ...... Winifed 's "Inclusion " ...... ,,...... *.... Kathryn 's "Growth" ...... *...... Lauren's "Passion" ...... Leah's "Diversity" ...... Kathleen S "Hope" ...... Social Activism and Intercoanecting Themes ...... Balance: Maintaining Personal Energy or Expenencing Bumout? ...... Gender Equality in the Fumily of Ongin ...... Being Authentic: A Soul Experience ...... Connecting Actions and Sense-Making: Ptactice-Based Tlieory ...... Connections to the Research Questions ...... Chapter Sir Summary ...... CHAPTER SEVEN

GATHERING WOMEN'S STORIES The uInclusive Eye" ...... 272 The Mandorla ...... 272 Figure I ...... 273 The Coloured Segments of the Id ...... 274 neEye. the Pupil und the Coloured Spirats ...... 275 Conclusion: Toward Soiidarity ...... 277 Afterwotd ...... 280

References ...... 281

Appendires Appendix A: Letter to Research Participants ...... 295 Appendix B: Letter of Consent ...... ,...CI...... 296 CHAPTER ONE

EMBARKLNG ON A NARRATIVE INQUIRY

Our era is rife with ineqyalities among people, and the global forces of militarism, nationalism and economic imperialism exacerbate these inequalities. The democratic ideals of fieedom, equality and justice are remote firom the experience of many people on the planet. From a giobal perspective, it would be easy to despair about the human condition. One source of hope is to be socially conscious and politically active citizens.

The vitality of a democratic culture is dependent on an active citizenry that is committed to creating a public good for al1 to share. Education is an essential institution that contributes to the public good because it provides hope and oppomuiity for the improvement of people's social and economic stahis. Local action is one way of promoting equality and building more inclusive communities.

Purpose The purpose of this inquiry is to leam more about our humanness by explorhg the life histories of eight women educaton whose practice is committed to promoting equality arnong various segments of the society. How do educatoa of diverse ages, cultures and professional disciplines experience the research phenomenon and how do their undersbndings, considered individually and collectively, contribute to a broader understanding of social activism? These educators are situated in unique contexts that both shape them and aord them novel possibilities for responsible action. Tbey are engaged in public innovations to decrease entrenched inequalities that are consequent to ageism, sexism, racism, classism and the stigmatization of the mentally ill. The research participants exert moral agency within theù resistance narratives.

Johnson (1993) asserts that the moral agent "is born into a web of narratives, and he or she mut define their own end (telos)by means of a narrative quest" (p. 153). It is this selgdirection toward worthy goals that gives meaning to our lives. The research participants that 1 selected are educaton who act to promote the well-being of groups

who have traditionally been disenfwichised. Only the person with mord imagination can challenge conformity to systems that sustain inequality by envisioning alternatives and

acting with others to promote justice. The inquiry explores the historical, cultural and

socio-political contexts of women educators who are mch agents of social change.

The Research Questions

The research questions that 1 explore in this life history inquiry follow:

1. What are the conditions of contesting conventional order to promote equality?

2. What is the experience of contesting conventional order to prornote equality?

3. What is the unique and historically situated rneaning of contesting conventional order

to promote equality fkom the individual's perspective?

4. How do the life histories of women educators illuminate the social processes

involved in contesting conventional order to promote equality?

1elaborate on the meaning of terms "contesting conventional order" and "to promote

equality" in the context of this research.

''Contesting conventionai order" is the act of challenging the validity of a

dominant, entrenched status quo that lacks originaiity and spontaneity. Educationai

researcher and philosopher, Maxine Greene (1993) refers to rhecnist of conventionalized routine and coasciousness" (p. 21 1) that pemits injustice to consolidate and continue in society. Individuals who contest it chip away at this cmst and thereby make a vitai contnïution to the building of a more democratic society. Most people, even those within oppressed groups, do not contest the conventional order because of téelings of vulnerability (hooks, 1994b). This inquiry is about the lives of women who nsk chalienging accepted traditions in order to provoke change toward more egalitarian noms.

The democratic principle of equality "encompasses fairness and impartiality, the acceptance that al1 people are equal, and the idea of being 'inclusive"' (Rolheiser Br

Glickman, 1995, p. 196-197). When 1 speak of the experience of the person who promotes equality, 1 am using the word equality in a particular sense. 1 do not mean equality as the existence of a homogenous sameness; such a situation would destroy individual distinctiveness and the mahix of a pluralistic society. Rather, 1 am speaking of equality that is created by democratic citizens in order to achieve "some broad measure of similarity if only to support a notion of membership that entails equality of rights, responsibilities, and treatrnent" (Wolin as cited in Elshtain, 1996, p. 75).

The experience of contesting conventional order to promote equality is, necessarily, dialogic and inclusive. In order to advance equality one must establish relationships and encounter difference. Charles Taylor elaborates on the dialogical process used in establishing one's public identity:

Mydiscovering rny own identity doesn't mean that 1 work it out in isolation, but that 1negotiate it through dialogue, partly overt, partly internai, with others.. .My own identity cnicially depends on my dialogical relations with others. (as cited in Elshtain, 1996, p. 66)

People need to develop understandings of some shared culture in order to bring into being new possibilities that advance equaiity. Dialogue that strives to baiance change and conservation avoids the singular focus on the present and the equally problematic reactionary stance (Elshtain, 1996; Patterson, 1997). It is a matter of conserving the good in gratitude to people's accomplishments in the pcrsi, and addressing the ailments of the present in order to constmct a betterfirture. The participants in this shidy act within their local situations to promote equality that relates to age, class, race, sex and health status.

Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and the equal and inalienable rights of al1 members of the human family is the foundation of fnedorn, justice and peace in the world and is in accord with the Universal Declaration of Human Rights as proclaimed by the United Nations.. . (Preamble, Ontario Human Rights Code, 1996)

Canada is, in cornparison to other countries in the world, an egaiitarian nation that promotes the welfare of most of its people. Jack Granatstein (as cited in Cayley, 1999)

States that Canada "is arguably the most successful society in the world" (p. 7). in this context, strong words such as "contesting conventional order," "oppression" and

''vuinerable people" may sound unduly harsh and thus alienating to the reader. 1 do not discount past accomplishments; however, there are groups of Canadian citizens-the homeless, the poor, and visible minonties-to name a few, who do not receive fiair opportunities, and in these instances "a communal effort to advance the good of al1 members of society is both necessary and pmper. .." (Thome, 1999, p. 16). The goal of the equality prïnciple is to create "a freer and more humane experience in which al1 shan and to which dl contribute" (Bernstein, 1983, p. 262).

The Canadian constitutional notion of "peace, order, and good govemment" (S.

9 L ,Constitution Act, 1867) attests to a concem for communal welfare. Canada's tradition and culture is oriented toward advancing the public good through coilective action. For example, the Canadian MulticuI~ralisniAct (1989) bas succeeded in promoting social integration and active participation among new immigrants to Canada (Kymlicka, 1998).

The working premise of this legislation is that both new immigrants and established

Canadians must change durlng the accommodation process; in counûies where new immigrants are expected to make al1 the changes, participation rates are lower (Mock,

1998).

Other sectors of society, including the judiciary, education and health care, are attempting to redress injustice caused by inequality. The Canadian Charter of Rights and

Freedoms, Section 15, outlines equality rights according to "race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, sex, age or mental or physical disability" (Constitution Act, 1982, p. 354). Public controversy about equality rights legislation persists because much of the meaning of these rights is yet to be detennined. Canada's national health guidelines, entitled Achieving Health for AI1 (Epp, 1986). state that the primary health challenge for

Canada is to reduce inequities because health and incorne are directly related. One effective way of achieving better population heath is to increase the income levels of the poor. The effects of inequaiity in the education sector miror the negative outcomes in the health care sector. In education, niiancially advantaged children tend to be higher academic achieven than theîr counterparts who have fewer material resources (Hertuig

& Runion, 1994). Thus, societal discrimination that occurs in multiple sectors perpetuates and reinfiorces a situation that privileges some people and oppresses others.

To make the issue of equaiity more complicated, it is possible for an oppressed group to also be the oppressor of an even more disadvantaged group. ui theory, the process of democratization requires us to examine the interrelation of systems of domination so bat the pursuit of equality cm itself be an equitable and collective endeavor and not a special interest group cornpetition (Giroux, 1993; hooks, 1994aj. At its deepest level, democracy is concemed with the manner in which society treats its weakest members and minority groups.

Socm Activism in the Pursuit of Ea-

"Social activism" is a term whose meaning denotes struggle toward change, but it does not necessarily entai1 an adversariai response. The expression, "contesting conventional order to promote equality," may seem to emphasize a strident, active, in- your-face public response that would exclude other more private non-conforming responses based on, for example, a sense of humour. Yet social activists are not confined to doing prescribed acts such as sit-hs or letters to the editor. They enact creative and dynamic responses to particula.situations with the intention of advancihg equitylequality. The participants that 1 selected act according to their particular circurnstances and they also have a way of being that is inclusive. They are conscious of and responsible for promoting the well-being of partjcuiar disadvantaged people. Maxine

Greene (as cited in Ayers, 1995) descnks the quest for increased equity in society: "Like Jean-Paul Sartre, I believe that it is only when you have a vision of a better social order that you fmd an existiag one of deficiencies 'unendurable"' (p. 322). The participants see existing inequalities and challenge them. While their practices are nsponsive to the local needs of others, they may or may not be in wide public view.

The varied women's stories advance unique constructions about the experience of contesting conventional order to promote equality. This inquky builds on the experience of educators who are already engaged in work to decrease inequities that nsult fiom ageism, classism, racism, sexism and the stigmatization of people with mental illness.

Some participants maintain their focus within a local classroom, while others work as members of extended comrnunities. There is no attempt to suppress this difference or to privilege one response over another. It is diversity, and similarity within that diversity, that can stimulate the reader's social imagination. The stories in this inquiry are not intended to present a right way to do social activism but rather to explore the experience of being conscious of and responsible for advancing egalitarian ideals in local settings.

The experience of the social activist entails "disjunctive moments," those decision times that offer altemate choices: one can either conforni or contest social inequality.

Chekhov's reflection is that people are inclined to be inactive in the face of others' suffe~g:'ive stifle any inclination our conscience has to direct not only our awareness, but our conduct" (Coles, 1989, p. 196). Everyone has the experience of both confocming to and contesring oppression. What conditions are associated with recognizing inequities in the established order and to chwsiag stniggie to ameliorate the situation? What happens at the disjunctive moment that enables one to overcome resistance to care? Defining the Disjunctive Moment bbDisjunctive"is an adjective that means separating, dividing, opposing or expressing an alternative (Webster's, 1989). in this inque, the term "disjunc tive moment" refers to the experiential place that people occupy when they contest conventional order to promote alternatives bat advance equality. It signifies a transformational node that expands consciousness beyond self to include a wider web of associations with othen. Moving from concem for self to concem for community precipitates this growth of consciousness. The "disjunctive moment" is a term that captures a condensed portrayal of the research phenornenon and it will be furthet developed in Chapter Three. The experience of the disjunctive moment can be constmed as a dueling of realitiedominant discourses clashing with resistance narratives.

Disjunctive moments arise out of complex human experiences rather than fiom a linear, steady-state version of reality.

Human Experiential Space (HES) is a terni that is used to descnie the complexity of human existence (Dimitrov, 1998) from which disjunctive moments arise. There are four features of this space. It is rnultidimensionai, chaotic, unbound by linear time and an unfolding continuum (Dimitrov, 1998). Our experience is comprised of innumerable interrelated factors, and our "ability for selfarganization appears in HES". 1 L). It is this self-organiuig capacity that enables us to attribute meanhg to our experience and to

"search for tnith, wisdom and spiritual growth" (p. 11). This inquiry focuses on the seK organizing and meaning-making abilities of individuais within piuticular and complex environments. People who an open-minded in this space are searching for truth; they maintain an uncertainty in their quest.

Meteorologist Edward Lorenz created the foudation for chaos theory when he established that slight variations result in radically different weather pattems within a short period of time (Lorenz, no date). This fuiding is knom as the bbbutterflyeffect":

The idea in meteorology that the flapping of a buttemy's wing will create a disturbance that in the chaotic motion of the atmosphere will become amplified eventually to change the large scale atmospheric motion, so that the long tenn behavior becomes impossible to forecast. (Cross, 1996, p. 1)

The complexity (or chaos) theory blurs the distinction between sciences and endorses the movement toward interdisciplinary research (Lonnz, no date). Dimitrov (1998) maintains that slight variations in human patterns result in "ciramatic changes in human daily experiences" (p. 1 1). Human experience is as dynarnic and unpredictable as the weather. It is vital to be attuned to the perspective and interpetritions of the penon experiencing the phenomenon because, according to chaos theory, it is impossible to predict what new patterns and rneanings will emerge.

HES is liberated from linear time. The present space is an amalgarn of past memories and friture hopes. The meaning that emerges in the experiential space may be unrelated to the present point in time. The person's selfsrganizing ability is connected to unique and formative life experiences. The experiential perspective is a crucible for the coacoction and emergence of new perceptions and rneanings at every point in time.

Finally, the HES represents hevolving continuumt" Dimitrov (1998) maintains that the

"chaotic dynamics of each human life has its own evolutionary trajectory" (p. 12). The person's selfsrganizing abilities develop throughout Iife; new understandings and meanings evolve as life continues.

These four features of the Human Experiential Space are salient to this inquiry and to the focus on the disjunctive moment. Since each person is self-organizing within a local situation, new understandings of expenence can be gleaned through stories. The disjunctive moment is a type of HES that is characterized by the emergence of decisions fiorn experience. The disjunctive moment is not a decision process to be determined by the rational analysis of a situation by an outsider. Mer, it entails "expenencing-in-vivo these situations" (Dimitrov, 1998, p. 6) so that a decision ernerges consequent to holistic engrossment by an insider. The decision emerges from and is constituted by the experiential domain. Theory, in this context, is not seen to be representative of practice but derived from it. 1 am interested in exploring the phenomenon of contesting conventional ordei to promote equality from the perspective of educatoa who experience the disjunctive moment in their lives.

Signposts for the Reader

1 want my thesis to engage readers as holistic leamers. Intellectuai ideas can challenge the mind without touching the heart and soul. The advantage of stories is that one can imagine variant readings of the text that arise fiom one's own experience.

in dngthis thesis 1bave combined Carol Shield's image of boxcars as chapters of a novel (interdependent yet separate parts of a whole) and Wolcott's (1994) image of the presentation of qualitative shidy as a mystery to be solved The box car image ceminds me to assemble each chapter with a distinct focus and boundaries, but to enmthat it is firmly connected to adjacent chapters. The chapters of rny thesis are simultaneously seEcontained and connected to the whole. When the mystery image is added to that of the boxcar, traveiers (readers) are given cues about how to solve the case of the phenomenon of egalitarian change. Cues about the meaning of the experience reflect a paradoxical unity: revealing-concealing. As Parse (1987) observes, "One cannot tell al1 there is about self to self or to others" (p. 164). Readers are encouraged to discem revealing-concealing unities of knowing from their own worldviews. The joumey includes ordinary sights as well as glimpses of the beyond; meaning "refen to both ultimate meaning and the meaning moments of everyday life" (Pane,Coyne, & Smith,

1985, p. 10). t I have an avid interest in reading fiom a wide array of subjects including philosophy, theology, psychology, anthropology, family theory and fiction by authots from around the world. I believe that this discursive and eclectic approach, when clearly focused, can provide new ways of thinking about the experience of social activists. The ethic of respect for differences is fiindamental to my understanding of expenences in context. The challenge for me is to mite with sufficient clarity so that readers have a notion of where I have been and where 1 am going. Van Manen (1992) describes the attributes of a scholar that I attempt to emulate: the scholar is "a sensitive observer of the subtleties of everyday life, and an avid reader of relevant texts in the human science tradition of the humanities, history, philosophy, anthropology. and the social sciences as they pertain to his or her domain of interest" (p. 29). 1strive to maintain a thoughtful, interdisciplinary approach to this human science research.

Chapbr One Summary This chapter signifies the beginning of a joumey to explore the textured life histones of educators who promote equality through their public actions. What are the conditions of contesting conventional order to promote equality? How does the research participant's particular perspective inform the general social processes of the phenomenon? Aspects of these research questions are outlined as they pertain to the inquiry. Social activism can be viewed as ways of being and doing that emerge out of

Human Experiential Space as precipitated by disjunctive moments. Signposts are presented to assist readers in understanding what to expect; there is an invitation to holistic learning and a warning about the eclectic and discursive pathway.

Chapter Two provides a life review of personal and culturai stories that influenced this research inquiry and imbued it with a moral purpose. By sharing stories close to my heart, I hope to situate my beginning understanding of the phenomenon. CHAPTER 'IWO

FORMATlVE LmENCOUNTERS

The research begins with rny prelùninary understanding of the in- as it evolved in my expenence and through connections with others. Mer a bnef description of the role of story in meaning making, this chapter chronicles my life encounters with stones of people who have enabled me to grasp new understandings about contesting conventional order to promote equality. Instead of presenting a theoretically based literature review, 1 respond to David Hunt's (1992) invitation to researchers: "Become the fiat participant in your study" (p. 116). The people who have propelled rny life interest in issues of social justice range from farnous public figures, to friends and colleagues, and to members of my immediate and extended farnily. 1 do not attempt to distinguish beiween the famous social activists and the "ordinary" colleagues, fiends and farnily when 1 connect the equality-oriented stories together.

The Role of Story in Meaning-Making

Our Iives are continually fonned by stones that enable us to reconstrue meaning and redirect our energies. Stories can encompass exnotional, moral, ethical, spiritual, and intuitive, as well as, rational ways of knowing (Heshusius & Ballard, 1996). Narratives provide insights about the connections between the "i~erlife" and social, political and moral issues in the society (Heshusius 8t Ballard, 1996). This inquiry feams the resistance narratives of people who act to promote equality in the public sphere; the storyteller's inner dialogue that bridges howing and responsible public action is of particular interest. Carolyn Heilbm (1988) States, "lives do not serve as models; only stories do that" (p. 37). This educational research uses stories based on subjective experience to expand and e~chrational knowing. Education about social cesponsibility that focuses exclusively on rational ways of lmowing disadvantages the knower: "That person will be given some understanding of society, but will not be taught to feel hjustices. .. ."

(Martin as cited in iemhgs, 1994, p. 293). Such a person will not be wihg to grapple with actual issues in the real world. Stories portray personal knowledge that can stimulate our imagination and enrich our perceptions of interconnections with others (Jennings,

1994). Searching for meaning within and between intenecting stories is of special interest to me. Shared stories are a resource to people because they enhance our understanding and expand our possibilities for action. I begin with my own stones.

Recounting Formative Stories This life review is comprised of a mosaic of stones about different people and these pieces are attached together by comrnon threads toward communal and social responsibility. The stones are ordered to provide more clarity about the evolution of my conscious awareness in comection with others.

1 seem to remember the 1930'9, before 1 was born. Archie and Jessie Gates, my parents, moved to southwestern Saskatchewan to brc& their homestead land for wheat crops using a newly acquired team of horses. Before my birth in 1944, they lived through the Great Depression and added a new baby to the family every two years. The prairie provinces were hard hit by interminable dust storms that carried away the precious topsoil during the parching heat of the summer. When 1nad about this p«idofhistory in a short story by Sinclair Ross, The Lamp ut Noon, it seems to awaken a vivid memory fiorn rny past. I imagine myself sitting at the kitchen table covered with oilcloth, watching the dust seep in around the door frame, and feeling my parents' quiet desperation at "watching the land blow away" (1968, p. 17). The long, cold winters compounded my parents' sense of powerlessness in the face of these hostile forces of nature. When I arrived, I bad six energeiic and talented oider sibiings and the fou older ones knew what hardship was. It was as if a family context was fiozen in place (mise en scène); the curtain could be stripped back at any moment to reveal the plagues of the

"dirty thirties." My parents' remembrances of that time were palpable, and 1 absorbed those experiences as though they were my own. Crites (1986) maintains that people develop hope and "psychic strength" in the present by combining a strong sense of self derived fiom past suffering with a desire for future "self-transcendence." Their suffering enhanced my parents' personal resilience. The experience of deprivation enabied them to actively participate in political activities to make governments more accountable for serving the needs of the electorate. The need for good governrnent, or, in Saul's (1995b) words, the creation of a "disinterested public good" through an active citizenry, was a political goal for my parents and one that continues to invigorate my quest for equality.

My sister, Isabel Evelyn died in 1933. She was denied medical relief supplies because my parents had the wrong political affiliation. My motb&d tu see the list of people who hud received nedicol relief;.she reported thut most of those on the list were

Conservative women with a weight problem. When she retold the story 1imagined ny proud mother ut age twenty-$ive, and in the depth of the Greot Depression.quiet& but flrmiy asking to see the list. viavrng it with cme, und then returning it to the ddiscomfited dispensers of entitlements to the prbileged. Bateson (1994) suggests that the enhanced sense of self of people in dominant positions relies on a belief that the other is Serior.

My mother's dignified stance probably challenged that sense ofsuperiority. As 1share this story, 1 grieve for rny parents and for al1 people who have experienced oppression.

Both of my parents were galvanized into action by their experiences of oppression in childhood and adult life. Their white, Anglo-Celtic, English-speaking heritage no doubt made ii easier for them to become community activists while their poverty and limited education militated against thern. My father was a founding member of the

Saskatchewan Wheat Pool, a cooperative set up to stabilize wheat pcices. My mother was a member of the school board for the district. They were both ardent socialists, believen that social justice for al1 was right around the corner with the appropriate political party in power. Tommy Douglas, a former Co-operative Commonwealth Federation (CCF) premier of Saskatchewan and originally a preacher, was on a first name basis with them.

He was a Christian rninister whom my parents respected because he was a "doer" as well as a "talker." 1 absorbed a basic distrust for institutianal power and a belief in personal agency.' Our riding of Swift Current, Saskatchewan, was the first area in Canada to institute hospitalization insurance in 1945. My parents were jubilant about this social revolution that later served as the impetus for the development of a compreheasive and universal Canadian health care system. Crites (1971) maintains that such a change

' In her fmt pub tished work (Dufiahont, 1999, my daughter List contestecl the "tendency of science to claim an undue level of authority" (p. 1 19) tbrough the use of scitatifîc discourse; she advocated more openness to reality by acknowledging that "there is agency in every buman endeavod (p. 1 16). Ker most ment publication challenges Supiwne Court âecisions to regdate justifications for infbgement of abonginai rights (Dufiaimont, 2000). Akhough Lisa never knew her grandpatents, tbis may represent intergenerationai transmission of their hlyheld belief in petsonal agency, "actually transforms comciousness.. ."@. 307). 1believe that this shift in consciousness occurred; my fmily saw the world as a fkiendlier place, one in which no one would be denied health care because of an inability to pay for it or their political beliefs. r When I was an eighteen-year-old student nurse assigned to provide care for patients on a surgical unit in a large hospital, I dutifully proceeded to change routine dressings. The third patient 1 approached was an elderly (in retrospect probably middle- aged) native Canadian man, Mr. Abrams, wbo had a leg injury. 1 spoke to him and called him by name but he did not answer. He continued to stare vacantly at the ceiling. 1 carefully unwrapped his bandage. I was confionted with a gaping wound that was approximately eight inches long and descended to the visible bone. The wound had been cnidely and carelessly sewn using a single, continuous suture that was loosely threaded in and out of his tissues every inch or so. Even to my inexperienced eyes this repair was a mockery. 1 had worked in the opentting room and 1 knew that standard wound closures wen done in layers of tissue proceeding from the muscle to the subcutaneous tissue and fmally the skin. No attempt had been made to do this so that the wounded leg could heal.

Given the extent of his injury, I was shocked by the idea that a medical doctor would treat a person like ihis. 1 spoke to Mr. Abrams again to determine how much pain he was experiencing. A Iow moan came from a place deep within him. 1 gently cleaned and bond his wound as best 1 couid. 1 recorded what 1 had seen. 1 spoke to the head nurse about the condition of his wound. She told me that the patient was an alcoholic. Did that explain the care he had mceived? At the time 1tbaught 1must be missing somethiag. How was 1 ;O reconcile this approach with my parents' acceptance of Native people? My response was a non-response. 1continued with my other duties; I never saw the man again. He became an anecdote in our residence mom discussions, but at a deeper level this incident continued to disturb me.

This story exposes the political nature of the dismiution of entitlements to people within a society. While ostensibly the goal of public institutions is both democratic and political, in practice inequalities and marpinalizations abound (Girowt, 1995). Reformen encounter resistance when as bey act in solidarity with the disenfranchised.

1 was drawn to explore social justice issues when 1 was a 22-year-old university student. 1 had difficulty making connections between inclusive spiritual teachings and responsible action in daily life. 1 was searching for a way to combine my newly found spiritual beliefs with the social and political action that my parents had modeled for me.

These are my lived-experience recollections fiom the summer of 1966:

1 am looking forward to a spending a week at a cottage with Aunt Chris. We are going to read and discuss a book by Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1969): me Cmof

Disciplesh@. As the person responsible for selecting books for the United Church library, she is very howledgeable about religious writinp We enjoy our philosophical and religious discussions together. She takes my beliefs and ideas seriously and her practical, no-nonsense approach to political and social issues inspires me. She makes comections between religious teachings and social justice issues that 1have not heard before. Aunt Chris and I agree that Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1969) makes a usefbl distinction between "cheap grace" and ''costly grace." The two of us drink weak tea and eat oatcakes beside the Iake as we read sections of his book and relate them to circumstances in our own lives. Spiritual beliefs are cheap when they don? translate into actions. Grace that is costly requires us to take risks and to step into the unknown as the situation requires.

Bonhoeffer was a Lutheran theologian who worked for the Iewish resistance in Gemany during the Second World War. He maintained that the confcssing church in Gemany was more concemed with maintaining the institution than with acting according to its teachings. Bonhoeffer challenged the staw quo of the church to act responsibly to oppose the evils of Nazism. His ethical entreaty was-do not withhold yourself.

At that time, this lived experience enabled me to connect two compelling interests: social activism and spirituality. Ultimately Bonhoeffe? opposed the horror of the Nazi regime while many other religious leaders were complicit in maintaining the conventional order.

1 do not recall who inaoduced me to the writings of Simone Weil when 1 was a young woman but 1 was very moved by her spiritual autobiography and reflections (Weil,

L973). Her writings were abstruse yet her ideas about inclusivity and solidarity with others have echoed in my mind throughout my adult life. Simone Weil, bom in 1909, was a brilliant French woman who gave herself in love to those who were aftîicted by poverty

------in 1933 Bonhoeffer was himseifanti-semitic. He was las concemed with the barring of Jews hmpublic office than with the bdgof baptized Jews hmseMces in the Christian church (Kubns, 1967). His biographer, William Kuhns (1967) reflects: 7'0wbat extent is au enviromnent responsi'ble for any man's [sic] thought?" (p. 62). or war. She died of tuberculosis at age 34 years after refusuig to have more rations than her compatriots in occupied France during Worid War II. Born into a secular Jewish family, she was a member of the French intellectual aristocracy. Her elder brother André has been described in the following way: "what Einstein is to physics he is to modem mathematics" (Cayley, 1995, p. 174). Wei1 (1973) descnied her talents as mediocre compared to those of her brother. yet she achieved much higher grades than Simone De

Beauvoir or Jean-Paul Sartre when she was a student at the Sorbonne in Paris (Cayley,

1995; Crosland, 1992). Her incisive mind and her cornmitment to practical action in solidarity with the underprivileged are qualities that distinguish her.

Weil's social activism was rooted in spiritual ideals and expressed in radical action. Weil (1973) States, "From my earliest childhood 1 always had also the Christian idea of love for one's neighbour, to which 1 gave the name of justice. . . ." (p. 3 1). At age

24 years, and after teaching for a year, she decided to take a leave in order to do a factory job at Renault Works. She strove to live according to the circumstances of her CO- workers: "As I worked in the factory, indistinguishable to al1 eyes, including my own, hmthe anonymous mass, the affliction of others entered into rny flesh and soul" (Weil,

1973, p. 33). Even prior to this factory experience, when she was Simone De Beauvoir's fellow student at the Sorbonne, Beauvoir admired Weil's capacity for compassion. Weil cried when she heard about a famine in China and Beauvoir reflected, "1 envied her for possessing a heact that could kat across the whole world" (as cited in Crosland, 1992, pp. 58-59). The two women did not become niends because Weil considered Beauvoir's focus on the metaphysical meaning of life to be a fiivolous one. Weil reportedly said to Beauvoir, "It's obvious you've never been hm&' (as cited in Crosland, 1992, p. 59).

Weil's commitment to practical action distinguished ber nom Beauvoir who had a more theoretical approach to life.

Weil, a woman of action, was a dauntless supporter of the oppressed. Simone De

Beauvoir (as cited in Crosland, 1992) recounts Weil's precipitous conduct at the front during the Spanish Civil War: "She demanded a rifle, .. . she was posted to the kitchen and upset a bowl of boiling oil over her feet" @p. 173- 174). In this instance, she became an ineffectual casualty. Later, Weil spent two days in Tunisia assisting her Jewkh parents to escape fiom the advancing German forces in France. The refugees were confined in a large, swelteringly hot and crowded hall. It was at that time, and under those circumstances, that Weil wrote a bcilliant exegesis on the founding principles of

Platonism (Cayley, 1995). Mer her parents had found asylum in Amenca, she "tried to get DeGaulle to &op her into occupied France" (Cayley, 1995, p. 18 1). Weil gave herself to practical acts of compassion. She once said, "A village idiot who loves the good knows more than Aristotle" (as cited in Cayley, 1995, p. 175). According to George

Grant (as cited in Cayley, 1995), Weil believed that to bow entailed intelligence illurninated by love: "only in loving something do you know what it is" (p. 187). The final words in Weil's journal before her death in 1943 affirmed her belief in the aeed to connect science to an orientation to the good (Cayley, 1995).

Charles Taylor (1989) has also advanced this idea that love or goodness ought to direct our lives. His views differ hmcontemporary moral philosophers in a way that is consistent with Weil's philosophicd perspective: This moral pbilosophy has tended to focus on what it is nght to do rathcr than on what it is good to be, on defining the content of obligation rather than the nahue of the good life; and it has no conceptual place left for a notion of the good as the object of our love or allegiance. (p. 3)

Scientific knowhg that is disco~ectedfrom notions of love and beauty is foliy. Weil's way of being provides an example for reconnecting intellectual and spintual biowllig by partaking in the good. in George Grant's words, ''Sirnone Weil to me is the suprerne teacher of the relation of love and intelligence" (as cited in Cayley, 1995, p. 173). Stories of Weil's identification with the poor serve as models for the creation of community that honours and cares for al1 its members.

Weil has influenced me during my adulthood in an equality-seeking direction. 1 becarne less willing to confom to unjust institutional order. 1 consciously avoid joining groups that marginalize othen. 1 am inspired by ber emphasis on equality in hurnan relationships and I strive to promote this by avoiding the temptation to be either a pleaser or a person who dominates (Weil, 1973). As a professor of nursing, 1 süive toward more collegial relationships with students. I seek congruence in personal and professional knowing. My husband Don and 1 have stniggled to develop, over a period of nearly three decades, a peer matriage. We have raised two children by hcluding their thoughts and feelings in family decision-rnaking from an early age, and by sharing our beliefs and uncertainties with them. As young adults they have a penchant for social justice and eqy aliîy. v Don and 1 were both younger children in our bitth farnilies and as such we were often uncornfortable when forced to take responsibility for conjugal family decision- making. Our daughter Lisa observed that we weie diffant hmmany fieswhere parents vied for control; in ours control was like a hot potato behg tossed back and forth between us. Perhaps that was one of the nasons we wen open to and desired the input of our children fkom a very young age,

Six months afier Lisa was bom 1 recall explainhg to my four year old, Daniel, that 1 was going to take her on the plane to Quebec City with me to visit fkiends. He slapped my face-hard. 1 gave him a whack on the bum, immediately felt guilty and inquired, "Do you understand why 1 spanked you?", to which he calmly replied with his hands folded in his lap, "Yes, do you understand why 1 slapped your face?" In that instant

1 really did wonder who the adult was. His directness was rewarded and my insensitivity to his fear of separation was checked. 1 took Daniel to Quebec city and left Lisa in her father's care. 1 recount this incident because it seems to epitomize aspects of the parent- child relationsbips in our family. We otten had confîict, but we stuck it out until new possibilities emerged. We enjoy one another's Company. We view everyone in the family as being of equal worth despite the differences in age and gender. A nom in the family is that everyone's voice should be heard.

1 conducted a family interview in 1995 related to my thesis topic; fkom the interview 1 bave selected one verbatim quote from Don (53), my son Daniel (age 23), and my daughter Lisa (age 19). 1share these ceflections because they reflect my famiy- oriented perspective, and my effort to integrate ways of knowing between the personal and professionai. The family stoties make my formative influences more transparent so that the reader can consider their influence on my interpretation of research remlts. Daniel addressed how his ideas about difference have changed in response to family, teachers, social situations, and travel:

I thuik the world and myself are more aware of differences. In elementary school, of the two hundred children, only two were black. I was isolated from large sections of the population with my limited perceptions. University and my time in Portugal with people fiom al1 over the world chauged that. People fiom dflerent backgrounds had a huge influence on me. 1 became more open to alternative ways of living. Since 1became a Baha'i, I'm more aware of how Christian-centric the culture is. There's a presurnption that people believe in Jesus the same way they do. 1 have rnany mernories of untraditional parents. it was an advantage. 1 was aware of the necessity of equality for men and women before it became broadly accepted.

Don spoke about his two-year experience as a stay-at-home father, eighteen years ago:

At that time I felt it was important, it had to be done. Absolutely no reason not to. Appropriate. One [male] manager at work said to me, "Why would you do that? Giving up your career." The suggestion on his part was that one shouldn't intempt a career to bring up children. 1 wasn't into career building at al1 costs. North Arnerican culture pressures men in the direction of fierce independence and career building. 1 challenge things often by not accepting them while Kathy is very outspoken.

Daniel had commented on the advantages of having untraditional parents when

Lisa elaborated:

I think you two are pretty weird. I've corne to believe in things that I don't think 1 would have without pemubing parents. 1 know people who assume that everything is more or less the way it should be; nothing needs to change in a big way. The way you were as parents was a glaring contrast. 1 bad a feeling of the possibility of big changes as opposed to finicky ones. You challenge things. That's just a good way to be. Some people are unwilling to challenge key concepts in our society. 1 used to think of myself as Canadian W.But why should 1feel more responsible for a single mother living in poverty in Richmond, British Columbia than for widows in Nicaragua or South Afnca? Our famiiy is united in the pumiit of openness to difference and the opposition of oppression and dominance. Our heroes include pre-eminent people. Mahatma Gandhi challenged the British colonizers by leading the Indian people on a salt rnarch to the ocean; this act helped to mobilize the people against their subjugation. Similarly, Martin

Luther King Junior's speech, "1 have a drearn. .." transformed world consciousaess. in botb instances these leaders sought justice and dignity for al1 and not the replacement of one oppressive regime by another. in addition to the farnous people who have advanced equality, there are ordinary people who do their part to advance inequities. Adneme Rich

(as cited in Daly, 1990) acknowledges the acts of these ordinary people through poetry:

1 have to cast my lot with those who age afier age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world. (p. 3 13)

This inquiry explores the voices of ordinary people who live and work to reconstitute the world.

My personal and professional interests merge in my focus to promote the quality of life of people who suf%erfkom dementia. My mother bas dementia. I try to ptepare students who are unfamiliar with the impact of this condition on individuals and their

Evnilies so that they can relate in a carhg marner. This effort does not go unnoticed. One student wrote in her final evaluation of me:

With Kathy's work with the aged, it was ver-helpful to have socneone who could give insight to their reactions, and hma different perspective. It broadened my knowledge considerably, as we tend to look at pain and anxiety nom a personal perspective. I have tried to integrate in my teaching what 1have learned nom people with the condition as well as nom their families. The afnicted people and their families are often the resource experts to the professional nurse.

This incident occurred in an acute care hospital when 1 was Selena's clinicai nursing teacher on a surgical unit The night nurse reported that Selena's assigned patient, Mrs. F., a seventy-five year old woman with dementia, had behaved in a confused, agitated and suspicious manner that was dismptive to other patients on the unit.

I had just introduced myself to Mrs. F. when Selena entered the room and explained to the patient that she was going to be her snidcnt nurse for the day. Mrs. F. became visibly upset by Selena's presence." You're the nurse who yelled at me and pushed me around yesterday." Her cornplaints against Selena had no basis in reality. Selena maintained a relaxed composure as she responded wannly, gently, and without discounting the patient's anger. She replied as ifshe was having an intimate conversation with an equal:

"1 know you think that 1 am a nurse who yelled at you. . ." Mrs. F. ,obviously taken aback by Selena's imrnediate and empathic response, agreed to give her a triai as her nurse. Selena's non-judgmental approach to Mrs. F. forged a bond of tnist and rapport.

As a student she became engrossed in "being with" her patient in a way that drew on preserved abilities, accommoâated for losses, and moa importantly, guarded dignity. In this instance, Selena's caring approach traasformed this vulnerable, elderly woman into a cheerful, cooperative patient who expressed high praise for her "special nurse." Selena's spontaneity and compassion inspired warmth and an enhanced quality of life for this elderly woman with dementia. This story reminds me of Jean Vanier's (1998) profound insight about establishing inclusive relationships with vulnerable people:

When 1 talk about "inclusion" of people, whether they are those with disabilities, beggars like Lazarus, or people suffering from A0S,1 am not tabgonly about st&g up special schools or residences or creating good soup kitchens or new hospitais. These are, of course, necessary. 1 am not just saying that we should be kind to such people because they are human beings. Nor is it a question of "normalizing" them in order that they can be "like us, " participate in church services, and go to the movies and the local swimming pool. When 1 speak of the inclusion of those who are marginalized 1 am affirming that they have a gift to give all, to each of us as individuals, to the larger forms of human organization, and to society, in general. @p. 83-84) inclusion is a hrne of heart that enhances the quality of life for al1 participants. Vanier's words speak of our deep need to belong together as members of the human family.

Nadine was a student of mine on an orthopedic unit in a general hospital. I was teaching her to cm for patients undergoing surgery during her fint clinical experience. 1 became very hstrated with her because, even with repeated wamings, she continued to perform procedures beyond her level of cornpetence that posed a diteat to patient safety.

Other students were shying away from her, probably sensing that she was not in the teacher's favour. 1 invited her to join me after work for coffee to try to resolve our

ongoing conflict. 1 told her that 1 recognized that she was an articulate, intelligent and enthusiastic young woman. i also listed a nurnber of incidents that had held potential

hazard for her patients and asked her to help me understand where she was coming hm.

Nadine, a black woman, had moved fiom a country in Africa a few months previously.

As a twelve-yearsld girl she had resided in a residential school that was located a great distance from her home. She cared for her il1 ten-yemld sister for weeks pnor to ber death; in fact she assumed sole responsibility for her sister's care. She explained that it was hard for her to rely on others now when she had been seKsufncient under such due circumstances. This ialk gave us an opening for interpreting our perceptions and for clarifjring how the hospital system works in Canada. It changed the tenor of our relationship, and she once more became an integral part of an inclusive student group.

Occasionally Nadine would catch herself ready to jump into a situation inappropriately, make eye contact with me, and we would both smile. She shared her stniggle with the clinical group, and members rallied around her with support. Other students no longer labeled Nadine as a problem, and she could once more flourish within a supportive network. As her teacher, 1 was relieved that 1 no longer approached her as different. She had been at a disadvantage in that atmosphere. Men 1 heard Nadine's story and she heard my concems there was an opening up of understandings between us.

A year later, 1 was standing in the hallway talking with another teacher when

Nadine passed by and spontaneously gave me a kiss on the cheek. We had compassion for one another. It required each of us to remain open to the other in relation, realiziag our differences, yet dwelling together until we could see ourselves in the other. The teacher, who occupies a position of power, is morally responsible to nurture an inclusive group in which each student has a sense of belonging (Paley, 1993).

Chapter Two Summary My description OSformative experiences provides an insider perspective of events that relate to this inquiry. David Hunt (1992) maintains that an insidesut approach to research enables the researcher to renew personal energy. 1use recollections of stocîes to Iocate myseifas a nsearcher. I explore stories that illuminate the social processes of contesting conventional order to promote equality. My formative life encounters span personal and professional experiences; it is not lirnited to my experience as an educator.

In this chapter, 1 relate my growth in understanding of the stmggie for eqyality hma developmental perspective.

Chapter Three examines the theomtical foudation of life history research as it is situated within the constructivist paradigm. Symbolic interactionism and critical feminist theory are described as the grounding for this inquiry. The process of becoming a comoisseur of the disjunctive moment is developed by reflecting on the stories of five social activists. THE CONSTRUCTIVlST PARADIGM: A SITE FOR LIFE HISTORY RESEARCH

This chapter presents the theontical bais of life history research and it consists of five major sections: choosing qualitative research; using a constnictivism paradigrn; introducing symbolic interactionism; seeing through a critical feminist Iens; sensing qualities of comoisseurship contnictivism. At the outset 1describe the rationale for my decision to use a qualitative research in the inquiry. Next, 1 outline my use of a constructivist paradigm with a focus on its ontological and epistemological elements.

Symbolic interactionism and critical feminist theory are introduced as they contribute to the researcher's perspective of the social processes that pertain to the inquiry. In the 1st section, 1 adopt the connoisseurship constnictivist approach in order to descnbe the many perspectives (qualities) that converge at the point of doubt-the disjunctive moment-of the expenence of contesting conventionai order to promote equali$. This section includes the description of five people whose works represent unique perspectives illustrative of the disjunctive moment. This description of the theoreticai underpinnings of life history research contributes to an understanding of its application in Chapter Four.

Choosing Quaiitative Research During the eighties. 1attended an interdisciplinary health sciences graduate program that endorsed a rigomus positivistic paradigm of research. My research interest related to my clinical work with family members of people who had progressive, untreatable dementia. Ultimately, 1 used a quantitative research design (pre-pst testing in a non-randomized controlled triai) to study the effect of a family support group intervention. 1 measured the intervention effect with two tools: a ~e~designedclient satisfaction questionnaire and a Profile of Mood States scale by Lorr and MacNaV. 1 did not have a ready merwhen participants told me it was hard to rank their moods accordhg to a Lichert scale because the questions did not seem to fit theu experiences.

(In fact, my mother also had dementia and 1 found it hard to contemplate numbered nsponses myself.) 1 wondered how 1could have selected better tools that would have measured more meaningful responses to the family support group "intervention."

Colleagues who were engaged in studies that yielded unambiguous measurable effects (e. g., enzyme levels, blood presmre readings) seemed to generate findings more suited to their inquiries. I enjoyed the interdisciplinary milieu and the shared cornmitment to developing improved health senrices; however, I regret that the option to use qualitative research for human science study was not available at that time and in that place.

Later, 1 undertook a phenomenological study of older Canadian caregivea about their experience of caring for a loved one (Gates, 2000). In part this study was inspired by Bowen' (1987) grounded theory nursing research in which she found that professionals and family caregivers have very different ways of setting priorities in the act of caregiving. 1 was impressed with Bowers' research because it captured the family caregivers' perspectives so well. In the same way, the phenomenological study that 1 undertook enabled me to explore the experience fiom the caregivers' perspectives, and to honour theu insider knowledge. The inte~ewsthat 1 had with the participants are mernorable to me; 1will never forget the poignancy of their oral accounts. There was a feeling that we, the cesearcher and the researched, were involved in a joint venture that put us on an equal footing. The elderly caregîvers who participated in the study were eager to share their experiences in order to help others in similar ckumstances. 1lesmed about quality of life issues from the perspectives of family caregivers. fiis research experience substantiated rny need to conduct human science research by establishing a holistic approach and reciprocal relationships with participants.

In summary, there were three primary reasons for choosing a qualitative approach to this inquiry. In the first place, 1 am committed to working in mutual relationships with the research participants in order to gain understanding of the phenomenon together. In contrast, a research approach rooted in positivist traditions is reductionistic because it limits the participants' responses to predetemined, researcher-selected, measurable variables that do not reflect the holistic nature of human responses (Denzin 8r Lincoln,

1994). Second, qualitative research enables me to perceive reality as a social construction linked to one's particular experience in interaction with others. The qualitative researcher actively participates in constructing data (Glesne & Peshkin, 1992). Rather than a single version of reality, multiple realities CO-exist(Denzin & Lincoln, 1994). This relativist stance safeguards peoples' uniqueness and honours their diversity. (This stance does not, however, exclude the possibility of similarities in difference). In contrast, positivistic research assumes that an objective reality exists and can be known by a detached and impartial researcher (Glesne & Peshkin, 1992). Finally, 1 chose to do qualitative research because it afforded me the opportunity to pursw a compelling, lifelong interest that bas social significance. It has been said, fiom a positivistic perspective, that if you can't measure it, it doesn't exist. There are important aspects of the experience of social activism that canwt be measured but they can be explored using a more expansive qualitative research design. Using a Constructivist Pandigm

The consûuctivist paradigm provides a touchstone for explo~gal1 the theoretical underpinnings of life history research. There is a brief introduction of the ontology and epistemology, followed by descriptions of constnictivist connoisseurship, symbolic interactionism and critical ferninist theory as they relate to the paradigm.

Oatoloev Ontology is concerned with the nahue of reality and how one cornes to know it

(Guba & Lincoln, L 994). From the constnictivist viewpoint realities are relative:

Realities are apprehendable in the form of multiple, intangible mental constructions, socially and experientially based, local and specific in nature. .. and dependent for their fomi and content on the individual persons or groups holding the constructions. .. . Constructions are alterable, as are their associated "realities." (pp. 110-1 1 1)

It is through difference and relatedness to others that we constnict and reconstmct our notions of reality. The aim of the research "is understanding and reconsîruction of the constructions that people (including the inquirer) initially hold, airning toward consensus but still open to new interpretations as information and sophistication improve" (Guba &

Lincoln, 1994, p. 1 13). The researcher, as an active participant in the inquiry, facilitates an opening of space for the existence of the diverse perceptions of self and others.

Constructions of this nature do not make a truth claim, but are "simply more or less infomed and/or sophisticated" (Guba & Lincoln, 1994, p. 11 1). Ontology has a nexus with epistemology. There must be consistency with the research worldview relating, for example, to the relativity of "truth." Epistemology poses the question, "What is the nature of the relationship between the knower or would-be knower and what cm be hown?" (Guba & Lincoln, 1994, p.

108). From the constructivist perspective, knowledge is CO-createdas the researcher focuses oa the inquiry through interaction with research participants and text (Guba &

Lincoln, 1994). Guba and Lincoln (1994) elaborate on the essential characteristics of knowledge in this paradigm:

Knowledge consists of those constnrctions about which there is relative consensus (or at least some movement toward consensus) among those competent.. .to interpret the substance of the construction. Multiple "knowledges" can coexist when equally competent (or tnisted) interpreters disagree, and/or depending on social, political, cultural, economic, ethnic, and gender factors that differentiate the interpreters. These constructions are subject to continuous revision, with changes most likely to occur when relatively different constructions are brought into juxtaposition in a dialectical context. (p. 1 13)

The pursuit of knowledge using the constructivist paradigm requires the inquirer to hold

multiple views in abeyance, and to sustain episodes of doubt. John Ralston Saul(1995a) defines doubt as "the space between reality and the application of an idea" (p. 1 10).

Doubt opens a dialogic/dialectic space to consciously use dimensions of intelligence:

intuition, moral imagination, reasoning, aesthetic appnciation and creativity (Saul,

199Sa). The crucial Wtw of the act of doubt in constructivism is that doubt "is the ody

activity which actively makes use of the human particularity" (p. 11 O). Knowledge that is

constructed by actively deliberating about diverse perspectives is supportive of an ethic

of respect for differences and the building of a more inclusive community of knowers. Positioning Symbolic Interactionism in Research

Symbolic interactionism is a research perspective and method that is employed to understand human conduct (Blumer, 1969). From this perspective, people are social creatures who establish meaning in their lives as a nsult of social interactions with others and with self. Situated within the constmctivist paradigrn, symbolic interactionism views

"individuals and theu stories as living illustrations of social conditions" (Cole &

Knowles, 1999, p.4). There are three fundamental premises of this methodology: people act according to the rneaniags that they ascribe to tbings, meanings arise "in the context of social interaction" (Blumer, 1969, p. 5) and people apply meanings to actions as a consequence of personal interpretations. These thm premises are now descriied in more detail and Paolo Freire's development of liberatory praxis is posited as an example of the application of this symbolic interactionism perspective.

The initial premise of syrnbolic interactionism is "that human beings act toward things on the basis of the meaning that things have for them" (Blumer, 1969, p.2). The person responds to things that are present in one's world such as physical, social and abstract objects (Blumer, 1969). Individual and collective actions are socially fomed

according to the meaning things in the world of experience have for people. In this

inquiry, the research participants' actions are based on the meanings that objects in the

world have for them includhg people, places and ideals such as justice d compassion.

The meanings that one scribes to encouaters are critical to the understanding of

symbolic interactionism. The second pnmise distinguishes symbolic interactionism hmother research approaches by specifying the origin of the meaning of things that determine human action: ''meaning. ..anses out of, the social interaction that one has with one's fellows

[sic]" (Blumer, 1969, p.2). In relation to this research, the meaning that things have for research participants is part of a social phenornenon and not the consequence of the intrinsic features of peopie, objects or ideds. Meanhg is constructed during the course of social interaction with self and others.

Premise thm builds the foundation for symbolic interactionism by elaborating the nature of the meaning-making process: "meanings are handled in, and modified through, an interpretative process used by the person in dealing with the things he [sic] encounters" (Blumer, 1969, p. 2). in this inquiry the research participants undergo "a process of interpretatim " (Blumer, 1969, p. 5). First, each participant must coasult with herself to detemine what distinctions to make about ber compiex world in order to contest conventional order to promote equality .S he cannot attend to everything, rather, she "has to point out to [henelfl the things that have meaning" (Blumer, 1969, p.5). This self-consultation is the result of an internat social interaction with oneself (Blumer,

1969). The second step of the interpretation process is a reflective act. The research participant "selects, checks, suspends, regroups, and transfonns the meanings in the light of the situation in which [she] is placed and the direction of [ha] action" (Blurner, 1969, p.5). This part of the process of interpretation requires the research participant to see herself os ifshe was someone else. She becomes externai to herseif. At the same time she has to imagine what it would be iike to be in another's position. This imaginative social positioning continually responds to changing things in the conte* In this inquiry, the premises of symbolic interactionism provide a theoretical basis for life history research. The life history ofa wornan educator becomes "a window into broader social and societal conditions" (Cole & Kaowles, in press, p.4 check reference).

Bertaw (198 l), a sociologist, maintains that the aim of research is "to acquire howledge about certain social processes; bearing in mind that, after dl, we live in societies where al1 social processes involve some fonn of domination" (p.33). Studying the life histones of activists who are situated in particular cultural, political, economic and historical

contexts is the way 1 seek knowledge about the social processes involveci in contesting

conventional order to promote equality. This inquiry focuses on lives in context as they

"illuminate the diaiectical process between the agency of individuals and the constraints

of social structure" (Sparkes, 1994, p. 165). My goal, as researcher, is to "undemand life

as lived in the present and as influenced by personal, institutional, and social histones"

(Cole, 1994, p. 3). Syrnbolic interactionism reveals the socially constnicted nature of the

meanings that people ascribe to objects, people and ideals, and also the interpretive role

that people assume through social interaction with self.

The research participants challenge oppressive practices of the established order

by taking actions that promote equality. This entails viewing one's responsibilities and

actions in a holistic maoner, empathizing with people who inhabit the situation one

chooses to attend to, and envisionhg new possibilities for egalitarian action. The

research participant's actions depend of the meanhg that people, physical objects and

abstract principles have for ber according to ber experience with self and others. The

disjunctive moment sustains space for doubt and openness between 'khat is" (conventional order) and a vision of "what could be" (possibilities for greater equality). It is an interpretive space that comects the research participant's imagination, intelligence, emotions and intuition withh a unique context of social experience.

Paulo Freke (1994) describes an incident that "seared my sou1 for good and all"

(p. 24) and transformed the way that be worked with oppressed people. He was making a presentation to parents in an economically depressed region of Brazil where the use of corporal punishrnent to discipline children was prevalent. Freire gave a theoretical lecture based on Jean Piaget's work that "argwd for a dialogical, loving relationship between parents and children in place of violent punishment" (p.23). At the end of his presentation a labourer put up his hand and questioned Freire: "Do you know where people live? Have you ever been to any of our houses sir?" (p. 24). Freire had failed to appreciate the meaning that parents ascnbed to their actions. The parents believed that corporal punishrnent toughened their children and prepared them for the cruelty that they would experience in life. Freire's interaction with this exhausted, impoverished father enabled him to understand ''the need, when speaking to the people, for the educator to be up to an understanding of the world the people have" (p. 26). In interaction with hself he also realized that he had used language that was too academic for most of his audience. The meaaing that arkes out of this social interaction for the social activist is twofold: gain an empathetic understanding of the meaning that oppressed people escnibe to their experiences and be open to change based on tearning fiom the people one serves.

Paulo Freire's (1994) practice-based theory development is an instance of symbolic interactionism and an illustration of social activism. He constmcted lmowledge about what it means to be an activist educator based on his interpretation of social interactions with oppressed people. Symbolic interactionisrn provides a foudation for life history study that honours the socially-consmicted nature of human actions and meanings.

Critical Feminist Theory

Critical feminist theory is linked to contesting social injustice toward people who are devalued because of their group affiliation: age, class, disability, homosexual/lesbian, race, gender. The practice of contesting conventional order to promote equality is based on complex and evolving social processes that are enacted to extend rights within the human community. In order to act in support of an oppressed group, one must see the group in its historical context, that is, "seeing how past circumstances have profound effects on the present" (Collins, 1998, p. 217). In addition, people who wish to advance egalitarian ideals must be cognizant of various sites of oppression and privilege. For example, Patricia Collins (1998) asserts that "Black feminism must come to terms with a

White feminist agenda incapable of seeing its own racism, as well as a Black nationalist one resistant to grappling with its own sexism" (p. 70). The stmggle against oppression requires an open and expanding critical theory that is committed to justice 'Yor one's own group andloi for other groups" (p. 276). Systems of domination create the problems of ableisrn, ageism, classism, homophobia, racism and sexism (hooks, 1989). This life history research explores systerns and structures that perpetuate inequalities between peoples rather than issues of individuai prejudice per se. Each research participant promotes equality in the public arena by taking the responsibility to contest dominant structures that silence or marginaiize groups of people. niey act as interpreters and builders of cultural change.

Narrowing the feminist theory lens while remaining within the constnictivist paradigm, 1 situate myself as a feminist who "sees gender as swially produced and historically changing" (Weedon, 1987, p. 4). Middleton (1993) maintains that socialist ferninists explore "interactions and contradictions between women's experiences of class, gender, and in some cases, race" (p. 15). This gender- and history-sensitive view cnables me to consider diverse perspectives and to examine how traditional knowledge and research methods express, or fail to express, perspectives comrnon to women, According to Harding (1996)' advances in feminist epistemology explore the degree to which the generation of knowledge conforms to male perspectives and excludes ''foms of knowing that have traditionally been characterized as fernale" (p.617). The use of stories in life history work provides an avenue for the expression of voice as distinctive to each research participant at the same time as it sustains a concem for the collective experiences of women who occupy different societal positions.

The life histories of women educators focus on the meanings that they ascnî to the research phenomenon. The stories bat they report may have intellecnial, emotional, spiritual, intuitive, relational and biological dimensions, none of which are suppressed.

This holistic approach to mearch in the human sciences is a way of "contesthg the

fabric of patriarchal culture, in which 'rational men' are valued more highly than

'emotional women"' (Kirkwood, 1993, p. 23). Honouring women's strengths in the

research pmcess is, in itseff, a way of contesthg conventional order to pmmote equality. Kirkwood elaborates: 'Terceiving emotionaiity and receptivity to emotional resporise as a skill, rather than a flaw in reasoning ability, requires a major shift in attitudes that support the subordination of women" (pp, 23-24), Life histocy inquiry expands the possibilities for a rich and complex understanding of social interactions because research participants are not required to erase any dimensions of human response when they malce meaning of their stories.

This critical feminist theory enables me to see the matters of inclusion and holism with more acuity. Inclusion of the "other" requires the ernpathic capacity to respect differences and to strive for justice for everyone. nie inclusion of difference also pertains to the featuring of women's voices in this inquiry; the profiles of the research participants' life histones and the research synthesis endeavours to honour the holism of women's responses. Each woman imaginatively disjoins oppressive, taken-for-granted aspects of conventional order fiom creative and innovative new altemates that aim to promote greater equality for a group of people. This disjunctive moment is both a decision and action point that serves as an intersection of personal experience and historical context. The richness of the research phenornenon of contesting conventional order to promote equality is explored by weaving strands of similarity and difference into a cohesive yet continually refonned and refined fabric.

Sensing QuaUties of Coonisseurship Constructivism 1shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and 1- 1 twk the one less traveled by, And that has made al1 the difference. -Robert Frost, TheRoad Not Taken" (as cited in Webster's dictionary of qyotations, 1995, p. 59) The constructivist paradigm that I use for the inquky is infonned by Eliiot

Eisner's view of comoisseurship. According to Eisner (1991) "coanoisseutship is the art of appreciation" (p. 68) but it does not necessarily connote "a Iiking for" (p. 68). Rather, co~oisseurshiprequires "that our experience be complex, subtle, and Uifomed" (p. 69).

1 am cornmitted to exploring the experience of constructing equality with the care, attention and deiiberation of a connaisseur. In the next section 1 will focus on various qualities of the disjunctive moment-the pivotal point in equality-making. The disjunctive moment denotes the inception ofthought and action that leads to social change to promote equality. It is the gist of the inquiry. I present the nature of the disjunctive moment from the perspectives of vaxious people in order to appreciate its qualities. This exploration of the disjunctive moment describes some complex and subtle dimensions of the experience.

1have had a compelling interest in the research phenornenon as it is abbreviated by the expression "disjunctive moment, " a gateway between alternatives. It is at this gateway of doubt that one has numerous encounters. One meets gatekeepers, those people of privilege who embody the power to exclude others. The "magic helpers" who encourage travellers to act authentically also wait at the gate. This portent may be experienced as chaos, but ultimately this disjunctive moment is a gateway to new potentialities for democracy-seeking citizens.

in this research the focus is on people who choose to contest (derthan to

conform to) aspects of conventional order that prornote inequality. The disjunctive

moment is that space of dehiration, of simultaneously seeing the deficiencies of the status quo and of envisionhg new possibilities for action. This distinguishing moment requires that the person be conscious of alternatives in order to make decisioas to acte

The form of the disjunctive moment has aesthetic and practical qualities. These qualities, that are of interest to the connoisseur, become evident through the processes of

"epistemic seeing, " that is, knowledge acquired through sight (Eisner, 199 1). Eisner

(199 1) identifies hvo types of epistemic seeing: "Primury epistemic seeing depends upon awareness of the particular. Secondary epistemic seeing nfers to seeing the particular as a member of a larger set" (p. 68). This inquiry investigates the gateway of the disjunctive moment as it pertains to both individuals' experiences as well as to similarities and differences experienced by the collective.

Schwandt (1994) defuies connoisseurship as "the art of apperception" (p. 129).

Apperception is an enhanced perception of what is at hand in the present because of intimate involvement with the phenornenon in the past (Schwandt, 1994). My apperceptions of the act of contesting the status quo to prornote democratic ends are multidimensional. Bernstein (1983) describes Dewey's deep cornmitment to "democracy as a moral ideai, a personal way of life to be concretely embodied in everyday practices"

(p. 26 1). Many people rnake valuable contriiutions toward the realization of this moral ideal. To explore the form of the disjunctive moment as a connoisseur, I have selected five people who represent varied perspectives of its qualities: Martin Heidegger, Rudolf

Dreikurs, Madoma Kolbenschiag, Michael White, and Martin Luther Kin& Jr. I begin with Martin Heidegger (1962) because he adâresses everyday practice or "modes of

Being-in-the-world" (p. 78). -Martin Heidegger (1962) was a German philosopher who became one of the great phenomenologists with work grounded in philosophical hermeneutics. He pmvided guidelines for an interpretive and systematic approach to the study of the meaning of human existence (Dreyfus, 199 1). Heidegger's ontological perspective attniutes fundamental importance to '%are" (Sorge) as the "Being" of authentic human existence

(Heidegger, 1962, p. 4 13).' Ontological caring encompasses concem for things and everyday practices, and solicitude toward self and others (Heidegger, 1962; Noddings,

1992; Waltea, 1995). The basis of ontology is to bring the meaning of being into clear view. For Heidegger (1962), Being-in-the-world is an indivisible unity; "Being" is always embedded in context. Epistemological issues related to this ontological perspective are apparent. The world is consmcted and not natuni1 (Heidegger, 1962).

Each penon has a unique and changing place in, and an ongoing interpretation of, the experience of Being-in-the-world.

Knowledge originates frorn thm distinctive and interconnected modes of Being- in-the-world: "ready-to-hand, " "un-ready-to-hanci" and "present-at-hand" (Heidegger,

1962). The ready-to-hand mode of engagement in the world is an integration of the actor with practical everyday activities that operate as expected and in a transparent way

it is ironie that Heidegger, a man who expounded on care as the essence of authentic being, was a self- confessed and unrepentant anti-semite. He joined the Nazi party in 1933 in exchange for an appointment as rector at the University of Freiberg (Cahoone, 1996).

"For Heidegger (and Gadamer) humanity is not, .- ultimately in controt of history" (Peters & Whear, 19M, p- 187) and therefore people do not have the agency to instigate social change. This mearch assumes that people do have the abïiity to contn'bute to democratic change as citizen agents. (Plager, 1994; Walters, 1995). The ready-to-hand mode "is the primary source of the researcher's understanding of the situation of the study" (Walters, 1995, p. 793). This emphasis on a pmeflective way of being honours the knowledge embedded in day-to-

&y experience and challenges the Western focus on "theoretical knowing" (Leonard,

1994, p. 48). Un-ready-to-band is the second mode of nlating that introduces an element of the unexpected when something is seen to be missing, or a problem develops. Usually the world pervades our experience in such a way that its features are routine and not attended to consciously. The un-ready-to-hand mode represents a disjunctive moment between the automatic, predictable performance of everyday activities and the disniption of this order by the introduction of a problem without a solution. Everyday aspects of the ready-to-hand engagement with the world are noticed more when this disturbance occm

(Heidegger, 1962). The present-at-hand engagement mode bboccuawhen the actor tums to the newly salient problem object. .. and begins to reflect upon the nature of the problem" (Brandhorst as cited in Walters, 1995, p. 793). The actor stands away ftom herhis situation and reflects upon it in an objective way. The investigator attends to al1 three modes of situated being in the act of interpreting meaning. Ready-to-hand, un- ready-to-hand and present-at-hand are al1 accurate and desired modes for interpreting meaning; however, ready-to-hand is primary and present-at-hand is derived fkom it

(Dreyfus, 199 1). These three modes of Being-in-the-world advance knowledge development in the human sciences.

1 was iaspired by Heidegger's holistic perspective of authentic human existence as an impulse toward the care of self and others. Heidegger's three modes of Being-in- the-world are germane to the perspectives of the research participants, the researcher, and the research question itself. In order to contest conventional order to promote equality, one must imagine alternative ways of being that embrace greater levels of care for self and others. Heidegger's un-ready-to-hand mode represents the disquieting space that exists when taken-for-granted routines of daily life are âismpted by the awareness that something is missing. Un-ready-to-hand evokes a contemplative sense of something bat is "not-yet" (Heidegger, 1962, p. 287). Heidegger (1962) elaborates on the process of the un-ready-to-hand disjunctive moment:

Bringing the environment closer in cucumspective deliberation bas the existential meanhg of a makingpresent; for envisaging is oniy a mode of this. In envisaging, one's deliberation catches sight directly of that which is needed but which is un-ready-to-hmd (p. 410)

This results in a disjunctive moment that precipitates a canful review of the taken-for- granted conventional order in the light of unexpected and problematic happenings. The person is then impelled toward reflection and new interpretations. Consideration of such disjunctive moments is mcial to the exploration of this research phenornenon because they accentuate moments of moral imagination and human becoming. To quote Epictetus

(Webster's dictionary of quotations, 1995)' "It is difficulties that show what men [sic] are" (p. 8). The ideas of Martin Heidegger contribute to my understanding of the salience of the disjunctive moment fkom a philosophical point of view.

Martin Heidegger's description of the three modes of king in the world-ready- to-hand, un-ready-to-hancl, and present-at-han&appeaI to my understanding of the human experience. Howard Gardner (1995) addresses the matter of resonance:

"Mersions of the world that strike us as king 'fair' or 'right' are those that seem to capture significant aspects of ouown experience, perceptions, attitudes, and intuitions'" (p. 185). 1 see social activists as "doers" who are provoked by new perceptions of injustice and informed by analytical reflection. Because change is ubiquitous,

Heidegger's perspective makes human response to change easier to apprehend. His assertion that the meaning of existence is to care for self and other is congruent with the social activist's perspective. 1 do not accept Heidegger's skepticism. Rosenau (1995) characterizes him as a skeptic wbo believes "no social or political 'project' is worthy of cornmitment" (p. 108). This inquiry is based on the premise that social activists cm make a positive difference in flairs of the world.

"You will never know what you can do until you do it." Rudolf Dreikws Tel Aviv, March 1963 (as cited in Temer & Pew, 1978, p. 340)

Rudolf Dreikurs was a psychiatrist and an educator who was widely known with regard to his ideas about social equality and human relations. His active career spanned

five decades. Dreikurs' teachings and practical demonstrations intluenced professionals

fkom a wide array of disciplines: teaching, social work, psychology, psychiatry, labour

relations and military defense. Dreikurs circled the globe to educate othen, and he was

particularly satisfied with the work he accomplished in Isniel during the sixties.

When Rudolf Dreikurs and hÎs wife Tee anived in Israel for the fht time in 1960,

he felt an immediate afnnity for the country: "1 feel part of this" (as cited in Temer &

Pew, 1978, p. 341). Initially the psychoanalytic community there greeted his work with

skepticism but its practicality and effectiveness ultùnately won theù support. I recount an

incident in which he challenged the statu quo to promote equality in his practice and teaching (Temer & Pew, 1978). Dreünirs' students had asked him to demonstrate his purposive approach with a group of clients. He was presented with a challenging situation-seven young adults, al1 of them stuttems. Although he had to work through a translater, by the end of the evening their stuttering behaviour had diminished. One of the participants was a disheveled and inarticulate young man named Yaacov. Whenever

Yaacov was asked a question, he responded using non sequihrrs. Dreikurs suggested to

Yaacov that he was eliciting the attention of others in a way that prevented anyone hm placing demands on him. The observers disagreed with Dreikurs' opinion because, in their judgement, Yaacov was intellectually compromised and beyond help. Severai months later, just before the Dreikurs' return to Arnenca, they received a visitor. At fvst they did not recognize Yaacov. His appearance and behaviour were transformed. He pnsented RudoIf Dreikurs with a book that was inscnied: "Thank you, Professor, for helping me to understand that 1 can be like al1 other human beings. -Yaacovn (p. 353).

Dreikurs had undeatood Yaacov's potential and assisted him to realize his choices: to continue to deflect meaningfûl interaction or to choose to be like "other human beings."

Dreikurs published his ground-breaking book, Children: The Challenge, in 1964, and it has remained a practical guide for parents who want to treat their children as equals. His biographers, Janet Temer and W. L. Pew (1978) describe bis legacy:

Dreikurs dedicated his life to the proposition that al1 men, women, and children are üuly equal in worth and digni@ and that only in a condition of social equality will we experience harmony, peace, and human actuaiization in the grandest sense. (p. 376) This propensity to advocate social equaiity was evident in Dreikur9syoung adulthood when he authored a collective (and cornical) disjunctive moment on the subject of child-

1 remember an incident which took place years later [after his childhood] in the large ornamental hall of the University of Bratislava, Czechoslovakia. Alfred Ader had been invited to give a lecture there, but he became sick and asked me to substitute for him. It was a mosr impressive forma1 setting with hundreds of dipnified academicians in attendance. 1 spoke about education. In the discussion 1 was asked whether 1 believed in spanking. Quite impulsively 1 answered, "Yes, 1 believe that everyone who abuses children should be spanked." I certainly evoked a shock reaction, because at that time spanking was still an acceptable educational method. In that moment 1 recognized the reason for my outburst: My identification with children-with al1 mppressed groups- was an effort to get back at my father who spanked me fkequently. (as cited in Temer & Pew, 1978, p. 7)

Dreikurs believed that childhood experiences have a profound impact on the convictions that people hold throughout life (Temer & Pew, 1978). His passion for social equality emerged at an early age and throughout his life he made distinctions between autocratic and democratic approaches. The separation or disjunction of these two approaches and bis choice to embrace democratic ends was apparent in his practice. The "deeply entrenched Freudian-mechanistic mode1 of child development" (Temer & Pew, 1978, p.

324) succumbed to Dreikurs' practical and respecthl methods of child discipline. As an eminent psychiatrist it would have been his prerogative io teach only elite groups but he chose to be involved in fiont-line work with educators and parents. For Dreünirs, the disjunctive moment is based on convictions arising hmchildhood experiences and resulting in choices according to new and Merent life cücumstat3ces. Humour is a special way of experiencing disjunctive moments; it has a leveling effect that can provide unexpected glimpses of ou.common humanity. Upon first meeting him, many of Rudolf Dreh' colleagues thought he was aggrcssive and unlikable (Temer & Pew, 1978). These same colleagues learned to love and respect him for the goodness and efficacy of his work. Drekhad a passionate commitment to and vision of social justice and human relations that challenged the status quo. His cornmitment to disseminating information and skills to parents, teachers, and mental health professionals popularized his democratic approach to childrearing and human relations in gened. His innovative practice endured long periods of professional scnitiny and censure. Ultimately, new applications of his egalitarian work extended into areas such as conflict resolution in the military. His willingness to take nsks and bis commitment to persevere as a learner and a teacher are important lessons for the social activist: have resolve and be creative on the path to promote equality.

Madonna Kolbenschlag, a member of a Roman Catholic religious order, is active in organizations that oppose the exploitation of children as sex slaves within the worldwide tourist trade. 1 attended a workshop that she held on Iungian psychology that related to dimensions of the ferninine. She presented an interactive mode1 of four ferninine archetypes located on two axes (Kolbenschlag, 1988). The vertical a's that joins the nurturer/mother with the lover/companion is entitied the attachment axis; it depicts relational energies that are endorsed by society and comfortably assumed by women. The horizontal component is the power axis that connects the wise woman and the earthbuilder; these dimensions of the fieminine are not commoniy expressed by women and the dominant culture does not support women's use of uiis energy. The wisewoman-earthbuilder axis has "the power to name, shape, build the major sectors of the social order: politics, science, the arts, religion, medicine, and law" (Kolbenschlag,

1988, p. 92). in order to draw on al1 sources of ferninine energy a person must connect with each of the four archetypes in the circle. According to this model, the failure to connect with one or more of these archetypes diminishes one's wholeness and authenticity?

From Kolbenschlag's (1988) perspective, the choice confronthg women is not between relational and power energies, or public and private responsibilities. An authentic person must exercise al1 types of energy and assume both responsibilities. The choice that confronts us is whether to adopt a "self-centered supermarket worldview, "

(p. 161) or an authentic self-in-relation worldview. The fmt stance is an acquisitive, addictive one that is comected to our consumer culture and exploitation of the environment. The second option represents a rebellion against prevailing market values, and the adoption of new values:

first, the value of the body and the affllmation of the body; second, the value of action and the necessity of being an activist; third, the value of spirituality and the sustaining energy of the spirit.. .: Not only our own personal wholeness, but the hvalof world order and ecology is at stake. (p. 97)

Women's achievement of this wholeness and authentic freedom is characterized by four experiences: "commitntent, " "openness to the stranger, " "relinquishent" and

"obedience to Emrh " (p. 162- 163). in terms of promoting equality, openness entails thinking "of those who are not like us as our teachers, particularly those who are poor,

Fmm the vrntage point of lungian psychology. every person bas feminine and mascuüne atîriiutes, so the application of this mode1 is not exclusive to women. disadvantaged, or stigmatized as outsiders" (p. 162). When the resources of people who are oppressed are valued, inequalities become more amenable to solutions.

Madonna Kolbenschlag's work combines feminist and spiritual views of women's agency. The femllust view of human authenticity and wholeness revolves around the integrated use of energy Born four archetypal sources: the numirer/mother, the earthbuilder, the lover/companion and the wise woman. Kolbenschlag's depiction of women as ''spiritual orphans, " alienated by their sex from patriarchal institutions, is a compelling one. The integration of archetypal energies is empowering; living within conventional order as spiritual orphans is disempowering. The experience of launching out as a wlnerable orphan to become spintually autonomous within an inclusive human fmily requires caring, practical action, loving cornmitments and wisdom. 1 am inspired by Kolbenschlag's work to stop the exploitation of poor children as sex slaves for wealthy tourists. Eric Fromm's insight that it is impossible to love one child if you don't love them dl, contributes to our understanding of the unity of the human farnily. The enomous enterprise of building a more inclusive human family is put into perspective by

Rabbi Tarfon's Talmudic quote: "It is not your duty to complete the work, but neither are you excused nom it" (benshea, 1993, p. 97). The spiritual orphan's work is to challenge the worldview that hoards power and exploits others and the earth.

The mode1 depicting the four ferninine archetypes embodies some of the dichotomies facing women who strive for a life of balance and meaning: local and global, private and public, work and play. This inquiry explores the lives of women who make public contriLbutions to pmmote equahty by workuig to dectease discrimination that relates to age, class, race, sex, or condition of health. The investigation of theù life stocies examines disjunctive moments in achuil life situations when decisions are made to contest oppressive aspects of the stahis quo. The mode1 provides a context for deliberation because it alludes to the multiple and often competing responsibilities that women bear. For Kolbenschlag (1988) the amerto the conflicts that confiont us is to commit "ourselves to behave in such a way as to assist in the creation of a more humane and just society" (Kolbenschlag, 1988, p. 178).

MiGhdMm

Michael White ( 199Sa) is an Australian narrative therapist who provides a uni*que perspective about abiding in the disjunctive moment between inequality and stmggles toward equality:

And when we discem contestation as the condition of life, the politics of inequality and marginalisation, of oppression and subjugation, of dominance and submission, of exploitation and resistance are foregrounded. The stniggles around gender, class, race, ethnicity, age, and sexual orientation, demand acknowledgment. (p. 2 17)

White engages clients in CO-generativedialogue that explores the dominant, problematic plot and seeks 'Mique outcomes" that serve to develop counterplots or preferred aitemate stories. Unique outcomes are defined as "experiences that would not be predicted by the plot of the problem-saturated narrative" (Freedman & Combs, 1996, p.

The b'externalization'' of problems is an example of a unique outcome in narrative therapy (Parry & Dom, 1994): problems are external (not intenial) to people. From this perspective, the problem of homeless people cesides in social policies that deprive people of the necessities of life and not in the particdarities of their personal situations. The difficulties are lodged in the socio-culhiral construction of beliefs, customs, labels and institutions and thus cïaccountabilityis asked of the sociopolitical system. . ." (Parry &

Doan, 1994, p. 53). Extemalizing problems makes them mon amenable to change because the process avoids blaming the "victim" and offers oppottunities for people to mite "agaïnst the problem rather than against each other" (Parry & Doan, 1994, p. 53).

When one understands reality as socially constnicted and consisting of multiple versions, then the possibility of deconstmcting dominant oppressive discourses arises

(Freedrnan & Combs, 1996). This deconstruction is analogous to the disjuactive moment because it entails processes that "subvert taken-for-granted realities and practices,"

(White, as cited in Freedrnan & Combs, 1996, p. 57) thereby making space for the existence of new stories. Once we are conscious of the negative aspects of dominant narratives that we have intemalized, we are fm to constitute new preferred realities for ourselves (Freedman & Combs, 1996).

1have observed Michael White's egalitarian presence with clients and colleagues as they explore difficulties in their lives with him. It is obvious that he is attuned to others' experiences in ways that include once-silenced voices, and honour incipient capacities. White (1995b)assisted Aboriginal people in Australia to change theù mental health services from a European psychology foundation to a narrative base that was congrwnt with theu cultual beliefs and expressions. His narrative approach foregrounds social inequalities, thereby opening space for people to author their own lives. Michael White (199%) demonsûated his narrative therapy approach by presenting actual videotaped sessions. 1 saw the following differences between his approach and conventional privileged expert therapy.

nie hope that was generated during the session was constitutive of the client's life

and his own. He compared the benefit that he derived from conversations with othea

to the experience of an orchid: "in touch with fiagile beauty." White suggested that

the fatigue that traditional therapists experience might result from a lack of shared

meaning.

White's collaborative approach honouted clients' experiences by assigning to hem

primary authorship in tenns of performing meaning. in contrast, the hierarchical

approach presents the therapist as the "expert" on the client's pmblems.

Narrative therapy enables clients to step into preferred identities, or to develop

counter-narratives as alternatives to dominant, oppressive ones. The traditional

therapy has the tendency to label or pathologize relationships (e. g. CO-dependence).

Michael White (1995b) showed videotape of a supervision session that he had had with a student counselor who expressed difficulty in working with hostiie clients. White used a postmodem, narrative approach to assist the woman to construct pceferred professional identities. Following the presentation, a young white male in the audience asked hirn, "Why didn't you just tell her what she was dohg wrong?" White's bemused response provoked laughter: "Don't you think enough generations ofwomen have taken advice fiom white male experts?" White's approach is congruent with Foucault's (1995) idea that the development of knowledge in the human sciences cannot be separated hm the use of power. Postmodern life does not invest in certainties or "right" answers.

Foucault's guidelines are rather abstract: to '"prefer what is positive and multiple, diffetences over unifonnity, flows over unities, mobile arrangements over systems.. ." (as cited in O'Hara & Anderson, 1995, p. 176). Michael White's practical enactment of these abstract ideas in his work with clients and colleagues is tnily inspiring. His work enhances my appreciation of the disjunctive moment as a postmodem moment, one that constmcts egalitarian counter-narratives rather than conforming to the oppressive metanarratives of the culture. c Martin Luther King, Jr. was a Christian preacher and a civil nghts leader who practiced "militant nonviolence." He was awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace in 1964.

King delivered the Massey Lecture Series in Toronto (Canadian Broadcasting

Corporation, 1967): 'Conscience for Change." Of his many notable accomplishments 1 choose to focus on his opposition to the Vietnam War, a subject that he discussed at some length during these lectures. I will use verbatim quotes fiom his lectures in order to illustrate the transparency of his inner struggle and moral reasoning. His decision to de@ the prevailing order and to publicly Iend his support to the anti-war movement was based on a historical perspective and many facets of the human crisis.

According to bel1 hooks (1994b), before making a decision to oppose the war and possLbly alienate many of his supporters, King reflected deeply on a verse hmthe Bible:

"And be not confonned to this world but be ye ttansformed by the renewîng of your mind, that ye may pmve wbat is that good, and acceptable, and peflect, will of Goâ"

(Romans, 12~2).This verse provoked his thoughts about the moral and spiritual need to oppose the injustice of the American war effort. "1 found myself obliged by conscience to end my silence and to take a public stand against my country's war in Vietnam" (King,

1967, p. 1 1). This decision took many factors into account:

Black soldien constituted 20% of the front lines troops, yet Black people made up

only 10% of the general population. These men were expected to assume high risks

on behalf of their country even though on theu ntum they would "be restored to a

grim life as secondçlass citizens.. ." @. 6).

Experience and history have testified that violence begets violence; conflicts are

resolved by "trustful give-and-take on both sides" (p. 12).

His advocacy of non-violent action in the ghettos was not justified if he failed to

challenge the violence enacted by his own goverment.

Military expenses were extracted from programs to assist the poor: "1 was

increasingly compelled to see the war not only as a moral outrage but also as an

enemy of the poor.. ." (p. 12).

Many of King's supporters objected to his leadership role in the anti-war movement;

they believed that he should confine his work to the civil rights movement. He

armed, 4 have worked too long and hard now agahst segregated public

accommodations to end up segregating my moral concem. Justice is indivisible" (p.

13). King (1967) explained his anti-war position to people who wanted to restrict his voice to matters of national interest. He thought about the peasants of Saigon who had undergone decades of state violence and considered the advantages of non-violence:

Here is the tnie meaning and value of compassion and non-violence, when it helps us to see the enemy's point of view, to heu his questions, to know his assessrnent of ourselves. For from his view we may indeed see the basic weaknesses of our own condition, and if we are mature, we may leam and grow and profit from the wisdom of the brothers who are called the opposition. (p. 16)

Thus, King speculated on the reconciliatory meaning of non-violence as an unconventional way of resolving conflicts.

Martin Luther King, Ir. was a temarkable man whose civil rights agenda and unrelenting promotion of justice changed the world. He envisioned a world of social justice that was powered by love rather than violence. He gave us a gift by sharing the conscious deliberations that preceded his actions. His contriiution to my understanding of the disjunctive moment relates to the hope that he models. His hope was comprised of love, compassion, passion for justice, and courage. 1 quote extensively fiom bel1 hooks

King testified that he had "decided to love" because he believed deeply that if we are "seeking the highest good" we "find it througb love" because this is "the key that unlocks the door to the meaning of ultimate reality." And the point of being in touch with a transcendent reality is that we struggle for justice, al1 the while realin'ng that we are always more than our race, class, or sex. When 1 look back on the civil rights movement.. .I see that it had the power to move masses of people to act in the interest of racial justice.. .because it was profoundly rooted in a love ethic." (p. 244)

King was a man of action. Although he was perplexed by the complexities of the war in Vietnam, he had the courage to act out ofthat uncertainty with the intent of curbing violence and arneliorating human suffiering. He railed against racism that thwarted equal opporhuiities for people of colour, and he ptaised efforts to promote

Wom. When Kiag presented the 1967 lecture senes in Canada he recalled that in

Negro spirituals "Canada" was a code word for "Heaven" because Canada was the destination of the underground railway. Canada symbolized hop. King's stories give me hope that we can conserve the good from traditions of the past as we contest present exploitation of people and the envimament. We are al1 cballenged to act in love to humanize our part of the world.

ctive Moment in Activists9 StQfifS

Connoisseurship entails assimilating diverse experiences and information so that one's perspective accommodates to a more sophisticated discernent of the phenornenon. Assimilation involves openness to perceive information that challenges, complements or contradicts previous understandings. Howard Gardner (1995) maintains that "the constmctivist believes that we see what we know" (p. 184). One's knowing is a progressive accomplishment that accrues with new understandings. Visual accommodation is the ability to adjust the eye to variations in distance; mental accommodation is the ability to adjust the mind to variations in difference. Thus, the comoisseur's tastes and judgements are based on a broad range of experience and mental distinctions that are open to revision,

The disjunctive moment in this inquiry represents a transitionai episode in which participants dispute domination and chwse emancipatory actions to oppose it. In a collective sense, thcy are traasfomsing culture by dispersing power in more egalitarian ways. The five people, narned above, whose works inforni the nature of the disjunctive moment do so in unique and pluralistic ways. Martin Heidegger ( 1962) provides an ontology that privileges care for self and others, and his three modes of existence correspond with everyday experiences, unexpected happenings and self-reflection.

Heidegger's meaning of cmis twofold: "anxious exertion" and "devotedness" (p.243).

When this lofty ideal of care is combined with astute cognitive perceptions (the the modes of Being-in-the-World), a framework for personal agency in the service of self and others arises. Heidegger's complicity with the Nazi regime rerninds us of our human fallibility and the contradictions that we live with when we fail to live up to our ideals at the moment of challenge.

Rudolf Dreikurs was a bombastic man with a detennined commitment to advance social equality by demonstrating his practices openly to heaith professionals, teachers and parent groups. Three aspects of the disjunctive moment illustrated by his pioneering ventures are the need to take risks, a willingness to be unpopular when advancing new and unconventional approaches, and the usefulness of an interdisciplinary approach in enacting social change. Dreünus' biography (Temer & Pew, 1978) is entitled "The

Courage to be Imperfect," and it chronicles his willingness to take risks and expose himself to the criticism ofien accorded to social activists. His belief in and commitment to his work enabled him to proceed in the face of formidable opposition. The ability to take public risks and to tolerate unpopularity may be difficdt for some women who are socialized to defer public rcsponsibility to men and to seek approval hmothers. This inqyiry explores stories of women from a variety of disciplines who take risks for the public good.

For Madoma Kolbenschlag (1988). two powerful processes intersect at the point of contesting conventional order to promote equality. First, she describes four dimensions of the feminine that need to incorporated into women's lives to achieve a fullness of human experience: numirer, loverlfnend, wise woman and carthbuilder. Secondly,

Kolbenschlag views oppressed people as the experts on their own lives and situations and thus rich resources for people who work with them. The holism of the dimensions of the feminine combined with the hurnility entailed in attending to the voices of othea, creates a space for participation, reciprocity and mutuaiity as an alternative to domination. In part, the participants were selected because they are engaged in the public domain as wise women and earthbuilders, and they valued and learned fiom the people with whom they worked. These processes of holism and reciprocity reflect a profound respect for self and othen that foster a relational way of knowing and a belief in difference as a source of enrichment for all.

Michael White is a charismatic Australian narrative therapist who strives to liberate people (individuals and groups) from oppressive systems by assisting them to constnict new stones that hold meaning and purpose for them. His clients are encouraged to explore how they have been recruited to hold oppressive beliefs about race, sex and ciass based on dominant social stnictwes and the experience of colonialism. For instance, he facilitated the transformation of the education system for mental heaith workers within

Australian aboriginal communities (White, 199%). In this instance, White used a postmodem approach to therapy that deconstnicted white privilege and assisted aboriginal people to design an education system accountable to theu narrative traditions.

He helped to de-center the European psychology educational program so that it could be replaced by a narrative preparation consistent with the beliefs and values of the indigenous community. White's work illuminates the disjuncture created when human experience is reinterpreted to account for the socid systems fiom which it is constituted.

When Martin Luther King, Ir. made a decision to contest the Vietnam War, he relied on spiritual teachings, an ethic of non-violence and political-economic pragmatics.

Like Dreikurs, he was persistent in promoting a social justice agenda and unafiaid of taking risks and meeting opposition to accomplish his goals. The nexus between King's opposition of racial injustice and his vision of a society of equals was bis cornmitment to love as the ultimate meaning in life. His faith in transcendent love continues to uplift people who saive for justice throughout the world.

Some of the thoughts, beliefs and actions of these five people are described to illustrate how personal lives are constnicted within historical context to provide various and unique renderings of the disjunctive moment. Personai actions are linked to contextually based perspectives: philosophical, interdisciplinary, feminist, postmodern and ethical. Life history research is based on a constnictivist approach that allows for the layering of meanings of the social processes involvcd in the disjunctive moment. The foregohg description of five storied lives provides a baseline for furiher exploration of the social phenornena as it relates to the research participants. Chapter Three Summary In Chapter Three I have described the theoretical bais of life bistory research as located in the constructivist paradigm. Within this paradigm, symbolic interactionism and critical feminist theory provide a theoretical uaderpinning for the research processes used to gather data and interpret fudings. The disjunctive moment-the moral hinge of democratic decision-making-is explored by descniing the different perspectives of five people: Heidegger, Dreikurs, Kolbenschlag, White and King, Jr.

Chapter Four pertains to the practical application of the constnictivist paradigm in this nanative inquiry. It deals with the collection and analysis of data and ends with a look at four ethical ideals as they relate to life history research. CHAPTER FOUR

APPLYING TEE LIFE HISTORY RESEARCH METHOD

As the seveath of eight childnn in a two-parent family, 1 learned to appreciate at an early age how 1 influenced and was influenced by that initial social network. When my social sphere expanded to include school, fiiends, colleagues and institutions, the meanings of my own stories evolved in response to social interactions and new interpretations. In particular, I attended to the stories of people who contested social injustice so that 1 could leam nom them. This life history research is an extension of that interest. 1 chose women who serve as role models of educators who make a diflierence by innovating new ways of working in solidarity with individuals dorgroups who are disadvantaged in some way. It is rny hope that their stories, and the multidimensional meanings reflected by their stories, inform our understanding of the social processes involved in contesting conventional order to promote equality.

Margie Buttignol(1998) defmes method as "the way that we choose to seek knowledge" (p. 129). The life history researcher employs the stories of research participants to constnict findings that are situated in cultural and political contexts (Hatch

& Wisniewski, 1995a) This fom of inquiry supports a practice approach to theory development, and it is my preference to lem in this experiential way. According to

Hatch and Wisniewski (1995b), life history research places "theoretical understanding in a practical light" (p. 117) and demonstrates a postmodem sensitivity to the presence of diverse realities and perspectives (Hatch & Wisniewski, 199%). Life history research is the study of people's lives within historical, psychosocial, cultural, economic and politicai contexts. The goal of a life history inquiry is to investigate a particular phenomenon by understanding a person's Meexperience in a manner that sheds light on both personal and social meanïng. Goodson (as cited in

Buckerfield, 1997) maintains that "the greatest strength of life history is its penetration of the subjective reality of an individual" (p. 36). This rnethod holds great promise for educational research because it transmits private stories into the public forum so that divergent and previousl y silent voices are inc luded.

Life history is interpretive in its approach. The world cannot be received dùectly; it is consûucted according to meanings that arise out of social interactions and the interpretations people make. The researcher constructs life histories by interpreting the meaning of text, in its many forms, as it pertains to the area of inquiry. Foms of text includes documentary evidence that "is used to cross-validate participant accounts"

(Cole, L 99 1, p. 186). Life history is based on texts ongiaating from a particular time and place in order to achieve a deeper understanding of the subjective, cultural, political and social aspects of the phenomenon of contesting conventional order to promote equality.

Re-Searching Women's Stories

1 invited seven women educatoa to participate in the study and they al1 agreed to do so. The women included in the in& met four criteria. In the fm place, each of them makes a public contribution toward demashg the inecpities experienced by a particular group (or grwps) of people. Second, the women are practice-oriented and actively engaged with the people they serve. They are open to Ieaming with and for others in a mutually respecthil mamer. The third criterion relates to four attitudinal traits: an inclusiveness toward others; optimisrn that positive change is possible; eagerness to innovate; and warmth and genuineness in interpersonal relations. Finally, each woman is an educator within the human service field. The disciplines represeated by these select women include nursing, health promotion, conmmer advocacy, gerontology, mental health and public school education. 1 chose to work with women who are mle models of mine; 1 was familiar with their work and their reputations as innovators in their fields. 1 briefly describe each research participant. More detailed idonnation about them will be provided in Cbapter Five in the introductions to their profiles.

1 selected the seven research participants fmm varied background and with diverse interests to participate in the inquiry. Winihd, the first participant, has an inclusive leadership style that encourages the voice of women within a patriarcbal pst- secondary education system. Kathryn, the second participant, aligns herself with

"psychiatrie swivors" and strives to include their voices in the planning and delivey of mental health services. The third participant, Lauren, is engaged in planning and advocating for the needs of poor and homeless people. Participant number four, Jasmine, is a university professor who supports egalitarian nform that relates to fitir and equitable treatment of students and health care clients in relation to factors such as race, ethaicity, class and semial orientation. Leah, the füth participant, bas developed extensive anti- ageist programming that includes older adults in oppommities for learning that were fonnerly resewed for younger people. Moira is the skth @cipant and she is a community and school consultant in anti-racist education- Finaiiy, the seventh participant, Sarah, is a high school teacher who works with children fiom disadvantaged backgrounds.

The decision to select participants fiom a variety of disciplines and life perspectives was deliberate and 1 believe that it can strengthen the reseatch. The

MacArthur scholars, Lester Brown and Patricia Noonan (as cited in Shekerjian, 1990) concur with this appraisal:

the fiiture belongs to people who can integrate across disciplines, a sentiment that closely echoes the 'surprising connections' defmition of creativity, the idea of colliding Mesof ceference that produce an unexpected twist. (p. 91)

The research participants represent varied ethnic, cultural and racial backgrounds as well as age groups. I chose to collaborate with women only because in my career 1 have had limited opportunity to work with men as colleagues of equal status. 1 wanted to avoid relational dynamics that reflected gender inequality: ".. .[qn our culture, men are more often likely to be the 'instruments' of the nomaiizing gaze, and women are more often likely to be the subject of this gaze" (Epston & White, 1994, p. 140). The seven profiles of these women, considered together, constitute a broader and more complex understanding of the phenornenon than a single profile would (Seidman, 1991).

During my initial telephom or personai contact with prospective research participants, 1 explained the nature of my research, the inte~ewprocess and the approximate time commitments entailed Before commencing the interviews the research participants were given copies of a Letter to Research Participants (see Appendix A) and a Letîer of Consent (see Appenduc B). The nrst letter briefly describes the purpose of the research and the expectations of pactkipants during the research process. The letter of consent delineates the rights and responsibilities of the researcher and the research participant. The research participants were informed that they would receive al1 trariscripts and profiles for review and revisions, and that they were &e to withdraw from the study at any tirne.

Research participants took part in three inte~ews,each approximately ninety minutes in duration as outlined by Seidman (1991). We established intemiew schedules that were mutually agreeable and research participants chose the venue. Because of their busy work schedules, it was usually more convenient for thern to meet at their work settings. When they came to my work setting, 1 arranged a pnvate and cornfortable room

for the interview. Al1 interviews were audiotaped and transcribed either by me or by an agreed upon transcriber. The interviews were loosely stnictured with a general direction

for each session.

During the fint interview the research participants were asked to recount concrete and current experiences that related to the experience of contesting conventional order to promote equality. They willingly shared actual situations in detail in order to make theu perspectives as clear as possible. Ardra Cole (1994) descriaes her experience as research participant: '4 was made aware that moa of my responses were imbued with affect of strong intensity" (p. 6). The research participants that 1 inte~ewedwere also strongly

invested in the experience of social activism. 1 was prepared to be personally involved in the interviews to ensure that our meetings were mutuai encounters. The first inte~ewset that 1completed was very dialogid. Upon tistening to the tapes 1realized there were times that I may have missed aspects of the htparticipant's perspective by participating too actively in the conversation. In subsequent inte~ews,1 focused on listening more and talking less but my determination to be open and straightfoward with participants remained. Am Oakley (198 1) maintains "that personal involvement is more than dangerous bis-it is the condition under which people corne to know each other and to admit others into their [ives'' @. 58). The research participants were not shply a means to an end for me; 1 was determined to be authentic, spontaneous and respectfil in my relationships with them. The fmt interview with each research participant was a time to establish rapport and to set the stage for a collaborative venture between equais.

During the second interview participants were invited to share autobiographical information about their insights, beliefs and actions that related to promoting equality.

This interview placed the research participants' thoughts, feelings and actions into a historical context. They usually provided a chronology of life events that included family, social and cultural influences. The direction of the conversation emerged according to memories that had compelling and formative effects on research participants. The continuous, unfolding and developmental nature of the life story was apparent in the connections fonned between the concrete, current experiences shed during the fm interview and poignant memones recouated du~ginte~ew two.

Dimitrov (1998) elaborates on the emergence of decisions hmour life stories:

[AlIl narratives are characterised by an intrinsic wholisticpower that reflects our unique ability to connect togekdiverse and seemhgiy disco~ectedevents into a coherent and meanin@ unity. This tmity mim,r [sic] the wholeness of human We. (p. 9) During this interview participants reflected on how earlier experiences shaped theu understandings and illuminated the meaning of current experiences.

During the finai session the research participants shared ideas and beliefs about the social and educational significance of their social activism work. The intewiew sessions overlapped because the research participants ofien established an agenda for the next meeting based on other information that was salient to their experience of the inquiry. For many, the research question took on political, philosophical, psychosocial and cultural dimensions. Factors that enabled and constrained their equality-seeking activities were discwed, and various sites of oppression were explored. For me these sessions were very engaging. Our times together were Uifused with laughter, sadness, intellectual ideas, ernpathic insights, aesthetic appreciation, surprise and shared hopes and dreams. r By happy chance, the research participants provided me with many leads about supplementary information that would deepen my understanding of their life stories related to the inquiry. in this manner, I acquired newspaper reports, student publications, legal documents, books by mentors, position papers, mission statements of community groups and economic and social development strategy guidelines. ûne surprishg acquisition was a thesis on personal, practica1 howledge that featured one of the research participants (Elbaz, 1980). in addition, 1obtained copies of books, articles, letters to officiais, development strategy documents and theses that were authored by research participants. Colleagues at my work setting also forwarded articles pertinent to my research subject. 1am an avid üstewr to Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) radio and they presented many lectures pertinent to the Me stories of participants and the research inquiry. These vaRed sources have provided substantive information for more complex and sophisticated understandings of the research phenornenon based on the life history method.

Weaving Women's Stories

The set of three audiotaped interviews for each participant was tcanscribed verbatirn, so that each set was approximately 100 pages in length. I colour coded each session consecutively: blue, yellow and green. 1 listened to the audiotape and read the transcript simultaneously when i edited so that I was irnrnersed in the experience both intellectually and emotionally .As I listened 1 would laugh and cry duing evocative moments. 1 did several edits. The first edit entailed deleting portions of the conversation that were unrelated to the inquiry. Ultimately, 1 seiected participants' phrases or sentences as titles for story segments. The segments were ordered to begin with curent and concrete happmings and progress to formative experiences. My fuial editing transfomed the vast amount of rich qualitative data to profiles that were 10- 12 pages of text in the research participants' own words.

At first 1 was reluctant to assume the researcher's voice in shaping the profiles; however, 1 grew into the responsibility. 1 knew that the mere condensation of the text would not do justice to research participants' life histories. I had to balance my interpretive voice to the research participants' voices of experience. Three guidelines assisted me to undertake the pmcess: 1ded myself, "How would the participants want their stories to be told?" 1 kept a copy of each edit so 1 codd revert to the original text whenever necessary. Finally, the research participants had aped to make necessary

revisions of their profiles to ensure that their experiences were represented fairly. My confidence was strengthened by the collaborative nature of the research. The research

participants were committed to developing a faithful account of their stories.

1 chose to introduce the profiles by providing the reader with a context for

understanding the research participant. Once again, the formulation of bis introduction

challenged me to be attuned to the research participants' perspectives. The introduction

has three elements: a glimpse of my response to an encounter with each participant, my

reason for inviting the person to participate in my study, and reflections about the

resonance that 1 found between the research participants' personal and practical

knowledge and the ideas of interdiscipinary scholars. 1 now elaborate on each of these

three elements.

The t'telement relates to my perceptions of the research participant.

Poknghome (1995) maintains that the life history researcher "needs to attend to the

embodied nature of the protagonist" (p. 17). 1 want the reader to have a sense of how the

research participant appears to me in action, attitude and appeanuice. We do not merely

inhabit bodies, out whole being is embodied. Thus a characterization of the research

participant's embodirnent ad& a criticai dimension to life history research.

Next, 1describe the reason that 1 wmted the person to participate in the inquiry

accordhg to her focus on social activism. #en 1was nflectîng with one participant about the satisfaction that 1 felt in conducting the inte~ews,shi: respoaded, ''You chose to inte~ewpeople that you like and admire." I realized that, while 1 honoured their varied works and disciplines, 1 also found them to be approachable and caring human beings.

Finally, 1 introduce the participants' profiles by descnbing theoreticai fnuneworks that emerge nom their storied accounts-thoughts, feelings and actions- of contesthg conventional order to promote equality. 1 weave together aspects of the person's practical knowing with ideas expressed by other theorists. The inierpretive act of expanding personal knowledge by incorporating other knowledge sources provides context for the profile "even ifthese are not part of the consciousness ofthe individual " (Goodson in

Buckertield, 1997, p. 35). The introduction clarifies, to some extent, the influence that I had on the constniction of the profiles by making some of my interpretative thoughts and reflections about them explicit. This exploration of context exposed me to many new ideas fiom diverse cultural perspectives. Polkinghome (1995) maintains that life history work *'cm be expected to include a recognition of the role the researcher had in constructing the presented life story and the effect that the researcher's views might have had in shaping the finding" (p. 19). 1 enjoyed explorhg the thoughts of scholars whose ideas became practical realities in the research participants' lives. Again the research participants were invited to mise any parts of the introduction that were not "faiWI, interesting, and respecdùl" in representing them. heCo- Betweep Pr-

Goodson (1995) maintains that the distinctive contribution of life history research relates to its capacity to embrace "stories of action wirhin theories of contat" (p. 98).

The research participants' stories reveal responsible action and awareness of where their stories are located within social context. It is my responsibility, as researcher, to interpret the stories of action faithfully, to explore points of intersechg meaning and to Wer contextuaiize the findings to broaden our understanding of the phenornenon: contesthg conventional order to promote equality. Goodson (1995) explains that stories are a point of origin in the meaning-making process. To derive meaning fiom stories it is important

"to see them as social constructions which allow us to locate and interrogate the social world in which they are embedded" (p. 98). In this inquiry the interrogation of the social world entails seeking anmers and information about oppressive aspects of conventional order that remain hidden fiom view. Given this consciousness of injustice, the inquiry also asks questions and seeks idonnation of educators who contest oppressive order to promote equality within their local spaces. The results that relate to thematic connections between profiles are social constructions of meaning that expands our understanding of the lived experience of social activism.

Striving Toward Etbical Ideals in Life History Research The ethical ideals of autonomy (seKdetermination), noamaleficence (to do no hm), beneficence (to do good) and justice have guided me in my relationships with research participants (includhg self) and tea. I maintain that fidelity is achieved through ethical relationships that impact both the resemh process and the construction of

£indings. 1will briefly descrii the application of each relational ethicai ideai. Autoaomv Autonomy was a consideration throughout the research process. Research participants were fkee to make decisions about pdcipating in the research and revishg transcripts and profiles to ensure accurate representation. Autonorny thrives in an egalitarian atmosphere and 1 was open and spontaneous in sharing experiences with them. In my writing 1 respected the intellectual autonomy of the participants by exploring difference and not suppressing it. 1 conducted loosely stnichued interviews to enabie research participants to have some control over the stories that they considered relevant to the research. 1 consider the promotion of autonomy to be a vital consideration in an inquiry that endeavoun to explore life experiences of promoting equality.

NonmELLeBccoce Nonmaleficence is a crucial undertaking in life history research. Ham can be caused to research participants if confidentiality and anonymity are not maintained.

These issues were complex ones in this research because the participants are well-hown public figures and it is dificult to safeguard their anonymity. Participants who disclose personal thoughts and strategies during the storytelling are at risk of feeling exposed if opponents recognize them in the research fmdings. 1 raised these issues with them and gave them time to consider material that they would feel cornfortable disclosing. 1 offered to disguise information that would make them feel vulnerable. The collaborative nature of this research did much to allay concerns. 1 treasured the personai knowledge that they shared with me but 1also elicited their ongoing feedback and consent. The ideal of not doing harm is of utmost importance in the research relationship. Iklwww The ideal of beneficence presents challenges to maintain a respectful and mutual researcher-researched nlationship and to reconstnict profiles and hcîings that accurately reflect the contributions of both parties. The reconstnicted text hcludes contextual evidence that locates the stories of educators in experiential ways that nuance our understanding of the social processes involved. The life history researcher contributes to knowledge by "illuminating the intersection of human experience and social context"

(Cole & Knowles, in press. p. 1, check reference). The ideal, to do good. is advanced when the linkages between human experience and social context are well developed; the worth of human science research is thus enhanced. Beneficence is a critical ethical ideal that, when addressed, can foster the well-being of the research participant, the researcher, and the research community.

Jwtb Justice is an ethical ideal that is entrenched in the experience of king researched and in the research processes. It requires a fair ntum to research participants who invested considerable time and personal cornmitment in this inquuY. As researcher, 1 also carry citizenship responsibilities to conduct the research with care so that the results make a positive contribution to society. These four ideais form a relationship-centered

Wework for monitoring the ethical dimensions of this research.

Chapter Fout Summary

In Chapter Four I descnid the pragrnatics of this life history work The particular interests of the participants, the intervîewing process, the seIcction of supplementary documentation and the construction process of each profile were al1 integrated in the dialogic creation of this research. The moral principles of autonomy, nonmaleficence, beneficence and justice have been usefil in dincting and focusing the scope of the inquiry.

Chapter Five profiles the narratives aromd which this inquiry is constmcted.

Each plot nflects facets of a common experience, with differences emanating nom a variety of factors that can best be explained in the participants' own words. CHAPTERFIVE

PROFILES: RE-PRESENTING LIFE VIEWS

The following seven verbatim accounts are derived fiom conversations with the participants and they foreground their unique respoases to the research inquiry. Each profile is preceded by my introduction of theoretical and contextual applications that arise from the participants' voices and actions. nie profiles are organized according to the research participants' verbatim key sentences or phrases that were obtained from the transcript text. The text of the participants' stories are written in a different script

[mis one, Tahoma] to render it more visually distinct from the rest of the thesis which is written in the more standard format of Times New Roman. My words as a researcher are distinguished in the profiles by the use of [square brackets]. The following life history sketches illustrate emergent dialogical meanings of the research questions.

Profile One: Jasmine's Story

The stniggle against apartheid required and itself produced men and women of courage. -President Nelson Mandela, 1994

1 knew Jasmine by reputation as a health and human rights activist before we met at a research seminar. Her open-mindedness, scholarship and ebullient persoaality impressed me. Her active participation and avid listening within the seminar group revealed her cornmitment to participatory work with others. Her self-defined identity as a global citizen was grounded in intensive interdisciplinary education and extensive international expenence.

I invited Jasmine to participate in my research because she is a univemty professor in the heaIt&field who is committed to the principle of equaiity in the academy, community Iifc and professional practice. She confimied my impression that her eqyity- seeking agenda was broad and encornpassed matters pertaining to race, gender, class, ability and sexual orientation: "You're right, it's not easy to peg me." I was conMnced that lasmine's clarity of thought about her responsibility in advancing huma.rights would provide valuable and unique information in explorhg my research question. As the youngest participant and an unmigrant woman of colour, Jasmine sihiated herseif generationally and culhitally duhg the interviews so that 1 could both leam about her experience and my own cultural location as a 52 year-old white woman. 1 wanted to preserve the forcefblness of ber oppositional stance against inequalities in the academy by attending carefully to her voice of experience.

Jasmine is a global thinker who consciously opposes individuals and structures that trample on the equality rights of othen. During the research interviews I asked

Jasmine about the advice that she would give to educators who want to promote anti- racism in their teaching. Her advice was, "Do whatever you cm do until you're a fblly- fledged ally... someone who will do whatever you can to deliver solidarity to people Ui stniggle." Additionally, she suggested that the spotlight should be reserved for people directly affected by racism-without placing al1 the burden of antiracist work on theù shoulders. Three important concepts related to the research question arise fkom her response: struggle, solidarity and group self-detemination. As a preface to Jasmine's profile, 1 will explore these concepts briefly as they relate to ideas of ùwe consonant

thinkers: Panicia Hill Collins, Tania Das Gupta and Nawal EI Saadawi. lasmine is a dissident who stniggles against oppression on two fionts. First, she uses the power of her privilege in society to advance the cause of others who are oppressed. Since she bas privilege as a heterosexual woman, for exarnple, she unites with lesbians to resist oppression related to sexual orientation. Second, Jasmine stmggles against injustice related to ethnocentrisrn, sexism and racism directed at her because she is an immigrant, a woman and a person of colour. Nawai El Saadawi (1997) defines the dissident as "the fighter who cmperates with others to struggle against oppression and exploitation whether personal or political" (p. 157). To oppose injustice is to stniggle

(Saadawi, 1997). The dissident's strugg le involves ethical, logical and emotional responses to actual life circurnstances (Collins, 1998; Saadawi, 1997). Jasmine descnies how experiences that occurred at different times and in different places enabled her to struggle against injustice in new ways.

In recent years, Jasmine has realized that her "struggle against racism will never stop" because people fiequently deny that their attitudes and behaviours have been shaped by growing up in a racist society. The intensity of the antiracism struggle is often heightened by uncontested white privilege. Group oppression is hidden when words such as "racism" and "exploitation" are de-racialized and replaced by neutral descriptors such as "ethnicity" and "divenity" (Collins, 1998); however, when individuals speak openiy about racism, as Jasmine does, it provides a footing for the voice of the collective

(Saadawi, 1997). Jasmine challenges her students to gain more personal and professional knowledge about oppression that exists so that they can be citizens and practitioners respoasible for and responsive to the needs of people hmdiverse raciai, ethnic and culturai backgrounds. Tania Das Gupta (1994) descnis barriers that exclude women of colour fiom obtahing equal access to conventional community services and employment. South

Asian women, in particular, have experienced a long history of Uistitutionalized racism and sexisrn @as Gupta, 1994). The pstfor justice as a humanizing force must go beyond individuai enterprise to encompass group responsibility and action. According to

Jasmine, educators who seek equality must strive to work in solidarity with people who struggle against discrimination. Das Gupta (1994, 1996) provides examples of collective actions generated by communities who resist racist oppression. During a union labour dispute at Superplastics, for example, two women's organizations (International

Women's Day Committee and Women Working with Immigrant Women) contributed to

the power of South Asian women employees by working cooperatively with them.

Similarly, South Asian wornen have developed an extensive network of services for theu

communities in major cities across Canada. Sivanandan, an anti-nicist author (as cited in

Das Gupta, 1994), refea to "communities of resistance" that oppose discrimination based

on gender, class, ethnicity and race. Coalition-building with people in stmggle is a form

of resistance and a way of becoming a "fully-fledged ally."

The self-determinhg group has the power to choose its own destiny. A group that

challenges social and econornic injustice struggles to actualize a collective vision of a

prefened future. Collin's (1998) Black ferninist criticai social theory focuses on equality

issues within mch a collectivist framework. The potential to oppose oppression is

realized within a group when it accumulates a critical mass, that is, a group size that

serves as a threshold to intempt habitual discriminatory khaviour (Collins, 1998). According to Collins (1998), to be a "critical mas" the people within the group must have "critical consciousness" and they must "take action" (p. 242). Jasmine also believes that 'ive need a critical mass and consciousness." She has initiated a project in her own ethno-racial community wherein women are ciaiming their voices and expertise, and sharing their stories with one another. At work Jasmine is the target of "students' racism which has support within staff and faculty" at the university. in the absence of a critical mass and collective redress, peoples' oppressive reaction to her activism causes her great anguish; however, her social activism, in itself, feeds and nurtures her. Group autonomy that simultaneously opposes injustice and forges solidarity serves as a potent antidote to entrenched inequalities that are taken for granted as conventional order.

Nawal El Saadawi (1994) nfers to the local and global struggle of human rights activists as a process of "decolonizing the imagination" (p. 155). From her perspective the dissident is an activist ''whose body and mind and spirit are inseparable" (Saadawi,

1994, p. 169). Jasmine is committed to traverse both the hard path of political resistance to oppression and the soft path of spiritual awareness of the "energy that connects ail life foms." Her focus on holistic health resemh, community work and education provides her with opportunities to merge these paths.

For the past 1200 years our people have been immigrants, refugees and migrants al1 over the world. Much of the globe is covered in our history and 1feel privileged to be part of it. When 1 was young we came to Canada. In my own life mobility and uprootedness have never bmught pain. 1have worked all over the planet since 1was 19: Costa Rica, aie Canadian Arctic, India, Ecuador, Nigeria.

That global identity plays a large role in my acts and spiritual paai.

e hno thein mv lih the rn hardI bath adthe rnsoR"

While 1 recognize the problematic aspects of the terms "hard" and "soft",

1 use them for their descriptive simplicity. The "hard" path is the political path of challenging awful structures like capitalism, racism and heterosexism. 1 have the most power to do that challenging where I have authority. So, as a heterosexual woman, 1 have privilege and a strong position Rom which to fight homophobia.

It is important to fight for the rights of al1 human beings. I dont think 1 have been as good using my middleclass privilege. It is tough challenging the material comfort that cornes with king a middleslass professional. 1try to live humbly. My husband is less materialistic than 1 am, so 1 am learning from him.

Material things clutter our minds and separate us from others. The places 1 dont have strength are king a person of colour, a woman and a first generation immigrant. 1 am a leWst, x, the "hard" path is about revolutionary struggle. The

"soft" path is the spiritual path that is nurhrring on an intemal level; it pays attention to Our emotions, minds and children. The "soft" path b working on ourselves to eradicate the oppressive things we do on an emotional level. My research in holistic health is one way of trying to merge these two paths. My passion at this point, both personally and profuonally, is holistic health. As 1 get older, 1 appreciate the soRness of life and the silence of meditation. 1find an ancient system of Buddhist meditation, called vipasyana, very nurturing. When we stop putting the extemal as our priority, we can listen to the incredible, interna1 universe. It is beautiful to listen to prana-llindi for that energy which conne- al1 life foms. Many activists are so pained in their souk that actnrist movements are fraught with emotional difficulties. For me, king an activist is totally linked to king a dixiplined meditation student. They are both about bringing justice to the world.

1 come from the colonized world and the language 1use to daim that is pemoJcc/ou~ It is a positive affirmation that 1come from the South World and 1 am connected to the vibrancy of millions of people. 1feel enormous responsibility to work for [members of my eaino-racial community] and immigrant women. So the activist part of my life is to feel solidarity with my sisten and brothers on the day-to-day level. My life is frarned by weaving those two threads together. We can't have a more just world until we are al1 working on ourselves.

isL 1WOU the prfect tokm There is no doubt that the most racism 1have experienced has been in this job as an academic in the past 5 yean. king an activist and a woman of colour are two things that come together in a very important nexus. If 1was a white male advist, my white male prMlege would saw me hma kt of the pain Iexperience here. If Iwas a woman of colour, and Iwasn't an activist, I would be the perfect token. Iwould obey the powen that be and they would love me. But Icome as this package and Iam a terrible token! Ican't begin to tell you the lack of respect Ihave felt from colleagues who are fairly serious white racists. They consider themselves to be vevery progressive feminists and I am constantly pointing out their warts. They have a hard time with that.

Iwill never sit and let the colour and gender count look good. Iwill pipe up every time. I was the only woman of colour on a board of a [large internationally-based] voluntary organization. They were trying to unleash some banned drugs-specifically for use with the immigrant women population. Iwas not going to stand for this. People on the board attacked me personally and said,

"You don't know what you're talking about." So Iphotocopied and distributed articles to them. They didnt invite me to re-nominate myself. It was quite

predidable.

Anti-racism education is tokenized here. There's one compulsory course

that focuses on anti-racism. I've had a great deal of emotional difficulty with that

course. Idon't like teaching it anymore because I've been victimized by the

students' racism, which has support within staff and faculty. When my students

get to know me, they see that I'm not this beast who's trying to tell them that

they're all racists. Some students aren't emotionally willing to examine

themselves as people who have learned to exhibit racist behavioun. Often a few students in one group fornent horrible situations that make my life nightmarish.

In terms of my pemnal life and need for job satisfaction, I'm literally putong my

body on the line, and 1pay for that in terms of my mental health. I've corne to the conclusion that king an activist academic is about king on the front line in this middle-dass, professionalizeû way. 1 get attacked. Ifs violent on an emotional level. It is an unspoken message, "You are supposed to be cleaning the floors in my office building. You're not supposed to be a voice of authority,

having power over me, giving me grades." It becornes more painful when

resistance isnt honest; "You're too cold a person." That's difîicult. In conbast,

some students have been clear about how much theylve learned: "You're a

wonderful person and that's helped me in ais course. Thank you for the bwe

Ci,nad/,nh/StOqd' %me rewards have made me realize how worthwhile it is. [A

mident group did a presentation] about lesbian health. For some of the

audience, it was an uncornfortable topic, but the lesbians and politicized ones

loved it. The goals of student assignments are to examine their own social

locaüon in terms of race, class and gender, to study a mmmunity (other than

their own) which has experienced racism, and to develop a professional praace

approach to racism. Students talk about how their practice is going to be set up

with translation and outreach semices to ethnoailtural comrnunities. So, in fict,

1 can see the ripples. Students corne badc afkr a year or bvo and tell me that

theylre süll leaming about these issues. As they move on in their lives and profestons, it is important that they were for& to look at their own behaviour and sodety around them [using] a magnQing glass.

iw dma colliporative 1 am the more expnienced researcher-- doing a research project with a faculty parnier. The partner complained to the program manager that the project wasn't going well. 1 have a patücipatoty, soda1 change research background, and so my approach is to include participants as central playen in the research proces. My pmgam manager said, "Absalutely not! You are to do the project that 1 tell you to do." Within the participatory research framework the researcher has a role but it is the respondents who shape the research. It is in their voice.

This so-called gmup of progressive people who are my colleagues are not willing to allow the research process to open them to the possibility of being criticized.

So, yet again, 1put al1 this work into something and get told that it is usekss. It doesn't feel good. Everybody tells me, "You're a star in the making, " and then to really insult me, "And a woman of colour to kt.Of course, you're going to get a lot of kudos." Nobody mentions the racism and sexism that I have to put

up with. It doesn't matter whether you are bright-you are just a woman of

colour. It is so demeaning !

I was acaised of favouring a student of colour by allowing her to miss a

dass. One day she phoned me in tears, 'Uhen 1read that [course] book I

remembered the bombing of my city. All of my pain came back. 1dont want b come to class to discuss it." Ço 1 said, "Please dont come to class, what can 1do to help you?" Nobody tells my white colleagues when they treat a white woman well, that it is wrong, or that &dents have b be white to do well in their courses. So the myth, if you are a person of colour in my class you will get a higher grade, is pure racism. This mident was asked to leave the program because she has "too thick" an accent and she doesnt write English well enough. I supported her, but 1 had to do it silently. She got victimized by racism within the program and none of my colleagues did anything. A couple of students wrote letters to support her. Eventually, she won her right to continue in the program.

knowr I am on the rtuppFt's side In the past few months 1 have kenable to contest the conventional order of racism in this place. The course manager came into my office and showed me a letter that a black student had written and said, "Do you think this is acceptable for a graduating -dent?" The letter had some grammatical ermrs, but it was clear. She needs to improve her English, but she speaks about five languages! She had nobody helping her and her life is difficult. When 1 first met her, she was a confident, comptent young woman and now she is much more frai1 and troubled. This program has devastated her. So the program manager says, "Are we going to set up two standards, one for white students and one for those who speak English as a second language?" I saM, "None of our white students speak these other languages, so a doubie standard already exists. They cant do the things that she does." Everybaly knows 1am on the studenrs side.

donI t want to -t raCjlm in the &$srnom It was difficult to get concems about acism in the classroom raised in a group forum so I arranged to have an individual meeting with my program manager. It took a long time for her to schedule that meeting. When the long awaited day arrived, 1 told the program manager about issues of racism and classisrn in a course, and she burst into sobs: 'YOUwill never understand what 1 go through." After mat, 1 am handing her tissues when this was my moment to talk. She didn't want my voice to be heard. My issues are never important enough to get addressed. When [people] get threatened, 1 am too pushy! 1dont handle oppression well on an emotional level. A fnend, who is the university professor, tells me to stand up for my rights because what they do to me is against university protocol. 1 booked a meeting with [a colleague] to talk about the way that this environment has been poisoned against me: "As the only woman of colour here, 1 have experiend a lot of mw."We had a good talk and she admitted that this place is faught with problerns around race. Usually when things get directed at me, everybody has an excuse of a bad day theylve had. 1 try to be compasrionate; nies, 1 understand how dinicult your life is, and there's still another issue of you treating me differentiy than you treat other people." If, as a university profmr, 1get invited to speak to an [ethnic] community group, that's comidered pemnal. University-community relations aren't important here. 1think the univenity has a responsibility to various communities and that's part of the reason we get funding. Unfortunately, univenities aren't places that serve social needs or aie public good for the most part.

A good university has a reputation for publishing and divenity of thought.

The research division was thrilled at how productive 1 was but the job offer 1 got was such a kick in my face. It was an offer to say, "You're dispensable." This univenity has a poor track record when it comes to the way its faculty and staff treat people of colour. I've taught at another university where 1 got treated very well. At sorne point 1 have set limits to mmy struggles for professional promotion because life isn't about fighting and nastiness. 1 only allow a certain level of the martial artist in me to come out. As Cve grown older, my spiritual training has taught me that Ys only worth putting out negativity if its going to bring positive things.

had a wondqdul CilllQbbOd* lots al love. 1- of 1 have grown up feeling loved and supported in my farnily. In many ways the love of Our farnily protected us from being brutalized by the racism we experienced as immigrants. However, my sister and 1 meto this country speaking five languages and very shortly thereafter became unilingually English speaking because we wantd to fit in and had been tidiailed for speaking our other languages. This is typical of South World immigrant children's experiences.

We moved into one of Canada's wealthiest neighbourhoods where there were veiy few people of colour. 1 have experienced, almost al1 my life, king the only shident of colour in the dass. 1 flourished in xhool al1 the way from kindergaflen to my doctorate. My dad encouraged us to read Shakespeare, Shaw and T.S. Elliott, as well as other literature, since we wete eight or nine yean old.

We had encouragement in our family to be bright and articulate. I had a wonderful childhood with lots of love and loads of stimulation. 1 was a confident kid who felt she could do anything in the world. At age five, 1 dreamed of king the Prime Minister!

wqg a MDto fa Thid World countrvl that &med me into an advie My parents twk my sister and 1 to [a Third World country] when I was

15. We went to stay where my mother grew up in the middle of a working-dass neighborhood. All over their neighborhood people with leprosy live on the sidewalks and beg. You see whote families living with al1 their possessions, literally, in one codong pot 1 had never seen that extreme economic deprivation as a child. 1 was president of the class, a super jd,and 1was in drama and debating. What did 1 want for my life? 1 wanted to be smart, rich and famous. 1 was honing myself for success. 1was a proâuct of imperialist wodd capitalism, and I wanted to become the perfect example of what white male suaess is about 1 have never doubted my ability to do it. When 1went to [a Third World country], it was the ernbodM experience of that massive human srnering which doused me with cdd water and said to me, "Man are you a selfish litüe thing.

Why do you want power and wealth? That is not what this worid should be about! You are xi lucky that you are not sitting there with leprosy and riding a skateboard because you dont have two amis and two legs anymore." 1felt a great connectedness to the people who 1saw suffering. This was my parents' homeland. So, 1 stopped wanting to be Mr. Brian Mulroney. As soon as 1got back to Canada Igot involved in Save the Children and UNICEF.

When 1 look back, that trip tumed me into an activist. University opened up a new level of acüvisrn to me that my middledass liberal worldview hadnt. 1 became immersed in lod

African country as a health adivM for a year. Inever wanted to daim this pemn of colour label; it was the most painful part of my identity to uncover. 1 am not as angry as 1was six yean ago when I became an anti-racism organizer in the women of colour community.

Children are the most important thing in our community. 1grew up with a total sense of self-importance. My grandmother was the oldest of 12. She was pulled out of xhod in grade 3 to help her mother raise the rest of the children.

She wanted to be a doctur; she's a very bright, capable woman. 1 love her so much. She has a huge impact on me. My mother and merare professionals.

My Meris truly brilliant and he continues to nurture the scholar in me. He was a great storyteller when we were Young. At bedtime he would say, 'You tell me what you want in the story ...the characten...," So my sister would say "1want a dragon," and Cd say, "1want the story to be about when you were litüe," and then she'd say, "1want the sky in the storytt-all these different liale things, and he would weave together this wonderful tale! The only man who has had any sadalization influence on me is my dad and he supported me in abçolutely everyaiing. What my family taught me was self-love, 1 learned to ûust myself.

My mother is my best friend. She was more like a sister because 1 had so many other influences. 1 was also brought up to take care of the body, parth/ because of my mother's illness.

The reason that 1 was so foitunate to have the extended family was because of the constant tragedy that was unfolding in our Iives. My mother nearly died many times. Mon[told] us, "There's no hope." No matter what happened to rny mother's health, 1 never once felt abandoned or neglected.

What 1 got out of that experience was, love your mother now because she might not be around, tell your parents you love them every day and take care of your own body because without your health you have little. My family has shaped everything that I've done. 1chose to go into the health field because 1 saw a si& woman al1 of my life and my grandmother wanteâ me to be a doctor. My parents never told me what b do. 1 had fkedoml attheworld~pylidr~yto#Chpwraœpbvra ppb

The first thing that 1 would suggest to educators who want to incorporate anti-racism into their teaching is that they look within themselves to examine how they, on an evewday practical level, expertence race. Until they do that, they're not ready to teach anybody else. The anti-oppression themes need to be undentood in a personal and political context. nrst and most important, look at the world around you to see how race plays a part in minute interactions.

Analyze events. Lod< at yourself in the mirroi. How do you treat Rrst Nations' people on the Street? How do you respond when you hear about 10,000 people dying in Rwanda? What triggers you? What doesn't? Educate younelf thoroughly by reading books, meeting people and taking workshops. Be comfortable and familiar with the sophisticated body of literature out there. Never pretend you have al1 of the answers! A good anti-racism educator is willing to work with students on al1 levels on which we experience and exert oppression. It boils down to king comfortable on that emotional level of dealing with people.

When 1 teach anti-racism 1 divide the workshop into probblms and solutions. We look at how racism manifests itself hmthe structural to the personal. The second half of the workshop ansvers the question-What are we going to do about racism? What are we going to do about our intemalized dominance or oppression? 1 ask dudents, "What contribution are you going to make to deal with the issue of race in your localky?" 1 lodc forward to working with people of colour because the agenda is different. What have we, as people of colour, been taught about the oppressive structures in this world? Why do we continue to give Europe and European descendants so much authority and centrality in our lives? How are we going to shed that yoke of mental colonialism? How can we start to love ourselver and our history, despite the self- habed, shame and self-blame that we%e been taught? That's a powerfùl agenda. My goal with anti-racism is to work with people of colour, because we suffer from racism. We need to feel rooted in who we are, so that we anhave solidarity and move fontvard with each other.

e roots of raCipm adabwm an di- [At this point Jasmine is responding to my inquiry about differences in oppression related to racism and ableism.] Ifs important to respect the person who has a physical disability as somebody who's been labeled and is probably in physical pain. People who don't have a perfect body elicit fear in us. You rnight be sitting in that wheelchair toclay, but I could drive home tonight and it could be me in that wheelchair tomorrow. I'm not that different. It's just Mme fluky thing. I'm talknig about how ableisrn gets shaped because 1want to contrast it to how racism gets shaped.

Racism against people of colour gets shaped because we live in this particular 500 year epodi in which Europe has dominated the world. If we lived in the Chinese, Greek or Persian empire, things would be different. Racism hua on a pemal level because somebody with darker skin, or sbnteâ eyes, gets judged and labeled. The mots of acism and ableian are different, alaiough fmr is the basis of mistrust. There's no thread linking together people with disabilities until they become disabled, but people of colour have the shared experience of colonialism. Each fom of oppression has its own historic mots and psychosocial manifetion and must be looked at as separate, yet linked to oothr foms of oppression.

me the in Berld< O bkjpO As a person who has lots of privilege in this society, Itm on the wrong side of many fences. I'm on the middle-dass side of capitalism. You were born as a peson who has privileges. You canY change mat. What you can change is how you relate to that privilege. Everybdy does it in Meir own way. 1 watched a

horrible incident on the Street where 1 saw a person of colour king beaten up

by a white person. The fint time 1 saw it, 1 was frozen; I'd only seen that kind of violence on TV. The next time, 1 phoned the police. And the third time, 1put my

body on the line and said, "Would you please stop beating that person up?" 1 took risks. To me the real activisrn cornes in the risk-taking. When we speak out

against the status quo in places where we have privilege, we stand to lose some

of those privileges. We stand to get judged and abused and maybe even

experience a tiny amount of the feelings that the people who we're trying to

defend feel. If you're going to seriously do anti-racist work, you're going to take

risks and you're going to make yourself look bad someümes. If you want to be a

sister to us as women of coîour, evev time you see, hear, fed, smell, or touch

radsm, intempt it. Intempt racism at every opporhinity. Show peopie that tky're important, they're valuable, they matter. Remember when 1was saying that as a heterosexual woman 1 have a role to play in lesbian solidarity work?

You're saying a similar aiing, "As a penon of European descent, 1 have a role in anti-racism." The mer part of that is that 1, as a heterosexual woman, should never take the spotlight away fnim a lesbian who may wish to be doing the ieadership work in the movernent against heterosexisrn. Do whatever you can do until you're a fully-fledged ally. A fully-fledged ally is somebody who will do whatever he/she can to cîeliver solidarity to al1 people in stniggle. In some ethno-racial communities people will say, "Yeu cal\ yourself a woman of our cornmunity and you're a lesbian? Women in Our community get married and have children." That is when 1 stand up, '1am a community rnember and a woman and ifs important for me to say to you that there are many definitions of what it is to be a woman..." to challenge those basic assumptions. In tkse heated moments, lesbians are up against the wall and people are firing at them.

By standing up too, they fire at me, "Are you a lesbian?" I try very hard to avoid sheltering myself by claiming heterosexual privilege in these moments.

In my own community, I've cornplaineci that al1 these non-comrnunity members, mosüy Europeans, are claiming tkexpertise about us. Why are aiese people experts on us? Sve initiated a project where we are king out own expetts and young women are interviewing older women. Hepefully, they'll publish a book of oral histories. 1have lads of energy for positive anti-racism work that says, This is who we are. Let's cherish it, les understand it, let's be critical of ounelves, let's root out discrimination that we commit against each other." Unforhinately, we have no funding. Cm doing this pmject out of love for my community. Good anti-racism work should benefit everybody, but it should benefit people of colour more.

Another example of who benefits from anti-racist work: [A major

Canadian city] has a folk music festival every year. It brings musicians (people of colour) from the Andes mountains, a tiny village in Guam ...al1 over the world. It's amazing. It's a white-nin organization that gets funding from Multiculturalism

Canada. The audience is whiteey're the ones who can afford to come and hear al1 of these "exotic" people of colour. Then the Asian comrnunity wants to do something... and the money is al1 gone. The folk fesüval has taken it. Thats not sdidarity work. People get into anti-racist work and go hogÿvild [without] realizing that they're stealing resources.

All of us have problems taking risks. 1wrote this letter [to] this extremely misogynist man, but 1 did not send it because 1 was not strong enough at the time. But 1 havent forgotten it. We have to realize our limits. In a way, 1 wish that 1 had gone ahead with courage and done it. I've just come back from South

Africa where I met people who senred jail tirne, and people whose sisters and brothen died because they spoke out against apartheid. We cant always be protecting ourselves. We take risks in doing social justice work. You can't do a revolution by yourself. We need a critical mas, consciousness and courage.

Profile Two: Moira's Story

Moira was a panel member at a Human Rights symposium that 1 attended. She shared her Local perspective as a co~nunitydevelopment worker while other panelists represented academic and global views. As an educator, Moira positioned herself clearly as a social activist for the audience of university students who were fiom diverse ethnic, racial, religious and cultural groups. She described local actions that advanced human rights by promoting inclusivity, respect, love and equality within her community.

1 invited Moira to participate in my research study because of her positive, practical and religious approach to confionting the injustices of inequality. Moira's articulate and compassionate ferninine presence during the presentation fostered a cohesiveness within the group; the audience became quieter, more attentive and less

fidgety when she spoke. Moira is a black woman who proclaims that there is only one race-the human race. She is committed to addressing discrimination as she encounten it daily and to democratizing institutions so that they serve people in a more equitable way.

Her expertise in conflict resolution and mediation offers new possibilities in human relations that can promote equality.

Moira's profile embodies a spirituai approach to relational and political issues

that confiont her on a daily basis, She strives to use Christ as a mle mode1 in the same way that he instnicted his followers: "...coafonn wholly to my example" (John 12:26).

Thus her "God-centered" concem for the poor and for the development of children poses a moral challenge to inequities entrenched in political and educational policies and institutions. 1 will introduce the reader to her experience by bnefly descniing three elements that were integral to her stories: the spintuality of women of the Afncan diaspora, the idea of equity and the dilemma of the widening wage gap.

While Martin Luther King, Ir. and Mahatma Gandhi serve as role models for

Moira, Christ is the most important one because he is an exarnple of "how one human being should treat another. To love absolutely, unconditionally." This sentiment is similar to King's belief that we ought to love every person simply because God does

(King, 1963). During her presentation and interviews, Moira spoke openly and unabashedly about the need for love and respect for self and others in the human rights stniggle. in my experience, social activists ofien begin their debate with a fiery challenge and not an olive branch of reconciliation. 1 was reminded of bel1 hooks' (1994a) incisive appeal :

In this society, there is no powerful discourse on love emerging either fiom the politically progressive radicals or fiom the Left. The absence of a sustained focus on love in progressive circles arises from a collective failure to acknowledge the needs of the spirit and an overdetermined emphasis on material concems. Without love, our efforts to liberate ourselves and our world community fiom oppression and exploitation are doomed. As long as we refuse to address Mly the place of love in struggles for liberation we will not be able to create a culture of conversion where there is a mass turning away nom an ethic of domination. (p. 243)

Moira contributes to a culture of conversion by speaking of the need for inclusive love in the struggle for a more just world. To many women of the AErican diaspora, including Moira, Iems is "a cosufferer, an equalizer, and a likrator. ..committed to social justice" (Coliins, 1998, p. 246). Placiag the love ethic as a central tenet of her kliefs, Moira enables othen to consider change hma position of equality and spiritual strength.

Equity is an idea that permeates Moira's discussion of her role as a human rights activist. How can teachers who emigrate fkom other countries without Canadian credentials become qualified? How cm the school curriculum be designed so that students see theu own cultures tepresented in it? How do we leam to share resomes in

Canada so that every family has adequate food and shelter? She delights in initiatives that challenge discriminatory behaviours related to race and sexuai orientation. She objects to

words and actions that exclude others. In particular, she states, 'The word race is self-

defeating and divisive." Her opinion is shared by Orlando Pattemon (1997) who replaces

the word race by ethnic group. In his recent book, Patterson (1997) presents a socio-

histocical perspective of the inclusion of Mo-Amencans into mainstream American life.

He contends that racial distinctions are not only meaningless but harmfùl to inter-ethnic

relations. Ethnic differences, on the other hand, give voice to self-perceived group

differences that are psychical radier than physical. Moira portrays people as equal

members of the human race who have intergroup and intragroup similarities and

differences. She maintains that people are al1 striving for the same thing; the bettement

of life for themselves and their children. In terms of equity, this pursuit of a better life is

impacted by societal and global forces beyond the individual's control.

Moira discusses the injustice of widely disparate income levels: "What is one

penon doing with billions of dollars in assets, while another person cannot feed breakfast

to oneself and childmi?" She reflects upon the worthy initiatives that were introduced by the previous social dernocratic provincial government and how those gains have been emded by the cumnt conservative govemrnent. It is her opinion that, in ou.present system, people focus on thek own needs rather than on a common welfan.

The dilemma of the widening wage gap between the rich and the poor poses a major threat to the social security of poor people and the stability of our society. Richard

Sennett (1998) compares two political models of advanced economies, the "Rhine" model and the "Anglo-Amencan" model. In the Rhine model, exemplified by Gemany and France, "labour unions and management share power, and the welface apparatus of the govemment provides a comparatively tightiy woven safety net of pensions, education, and health benefits" (p. 53). In contrast, the Anglo-American model, exemplified by Britain and United States, subordinates govemment to provide a freer rein for capitalist market forces that penalize the poor and advantage the rich (Sennett, 1998).

Sennett (1998) asserts that the bbbrutefacts of current wealth inequality in the Anglo-

Amencan regime are indeed staggering" (p. 54). While Canada has historical traditions of income support, socialized health care and accessible, high quality public education, these traditions have been jeopardized in ment years by fiinding shoddls and a lack of national standards. Canada is in the process of forfeiting its safety net in welfare, education and health by yielding to aspects of the Anglo-American mode1 of unfettered capitalism. As a social activist, Moira is cornmitted to decreasing the economic distance between the rich and the poor. Moira assumes a proactive stance in her community development work that süives to promote the collective good. When she works on policies within educational and govemmental institutions, Moira's hidden egalitarian agenda is "to show that positive change cmbenefit ail." I came to Canada in 1974 with five yean experience as an elementary xhod teacher. 1 was highly recommended by the minister of education in the

Caribbean. When 1 started job hunting, 1 went to the board of education because 1 wanted to continue teaching. 1 had a rude awakening. The director of human resources told me that 1 had to have a Canadian standard of education. 1 will never forget it. He said, "You have to go badc to school before you get into the classroom." 1 said, "1 have al1 rny awlentials, I'm a teacher." Teaching has nothing to do with letten behind your name, it has to do with an individual who loves children passionately and wants to see them prosper. 1 never did teach here. 1 was excluded like a lot of other people who came before me as well as those who are still coming.

A couple of years later 1 sat on the same school board on equity polky.

My idea was to get into politics to help change the systern so people mning with credentials would find a way to be induded. 1 helped to push that forward.

Recently, 1 sat on the Ontario Cabinet Round Table on Anti-Raciun and Ontario

Antidacism Worldng Group (OAWG). It was fantastic. When 1 went to an interview with the Minister of Citizenship, 1tofd her 1 wanted to get back into teadiing, but 1 couldn't deal with the process. She bld me, "You're still a teacher, only at a higher level." Ifs me, but 1 had never looked at it in that way.

1 make a community contribution. I'm in the xhool system doing presentations, talks and workshops. 1 volunteer 60% of my time. 1get paid as a selfsrnployed consultant with the public and private secton.

a am one race: the hwncq

I prornote equity and equality in institutions by benig involved on the boards to write policies. We al1 have hidden agendas, and mine is to show that positive change can benefit all. Eduation is where ifs at. If children do not have education, they are Io& Ifs like a chain reaction: no achievement, no hop. We can teach young people to teach: each one teach one. It is not happening in the system. There is discrimination because of greed, power and privilege. You want more than somebody else, x, you dont want to be equal. As a community development consultant, 1 fight for the basic rights of every marginalized hurnan king. 1 belong to the Mayor's Committee against Racism and Discrimination, and the only reason that we use the word racism is for [la& ofJ a better word.

The media is responsible for a lot of things mat are happening. So, if an article

in the newspaper bothen me, I'II cal1 the editor to put in my complaint.

Sometimes, 1'11 write an articie on behalf of the committee because if you hurt someone you hurt me. We are one race: the human race. Evemhere 1go some

people dont want to hear about it 1 believe the good Lord put me on earth

because 1 have a responsibility to my fellow human beings. If there's something

wrong, I'lI stop it at my own detriment I take risks every day. Canada is multicultural and we have to have a curriculum that reflects mat. So when we teach histo~/,show the heartbeat of the Natives who wonhipped the Mother Earth. What do we teach our children? If a child does something [wrong] and you say, "Oh well, Vs not that serious, " and next time the child will do the same thing, or worse. I'm not saying, "Lodc them up, " but 1 am saying show that child, "You hurt another human king. Think of yourself, how would you feel, how would you react." When you continue to overlook problems, what type of adults do you have in society? The prisons are filled. In the islands, you respect teachen and police oofcers because they are there to protect and guide you. Here ifs totally different. I dont respect police oficen. I respect the odd peson because 1 have Mends that are police offices, but the idea of that uniform and pisbl is around power. I'm driving down the road, (it happens to me al1 the time), and 1 have no ream to fear, but 1 see a police officer, and my heart leaps. It's fear. It goes back to eâucation from the home, school and institutions. So we have to change the curriculum to reflect who we are as a people. c The NDP Ontario government did some good things. They listened to the people [who] know how the systwn works. They had the Jobs Ontario program, and the youth program that came out of that. Another govemment came in and said, "It isn't working." It was working. 1saw it work. 1sat with employers, CEOs of businesses. That money helped tkmcreate another job, and their business expanded, so everybody benefited. Now we have nothing. Children are back on the street and in the mall, doing absolutely nothing. There are no jobs out there.

There's only so much that an employer can do financially.

1 believe in social activism that deals with human rights issues. 1 see liffle pcxkets of change. The Mayor's Committee honouo children and young people

[who] are involved in the xhools and that gives me hope. Young people come in here [an ethnoîultural information center] al1 the time to ask questions. They want change. They look at each other as brothers and sisters, as human beings.

1 tell people who use the words race relations, to use human relations instead, because Ys hurnan beings fighting each other. The word race is self-defeating and divisive.

faundcd the tethno --1 monso we be inwve iwobla We must change the education system, and we've got to stastait from the top. I'm coordinating a conference for the Mayor's Committee called Interaction

& Understanding. You interad to understand, you understand through interacüon. We're going to deal with racism in the school system and drurches.

If everybody does a bit, then we'll have a better worîd. Sometimes, people are so bogged down with their own [affiirs]. Inthis country we have so rnany laws and regulations [that] sit on the shelf and are not impkmented. We have so much mistrust, so many bad things happening. We have a soda1 safety net, yet children are hungry. How anyou have poverty in a counby that is so rkh? Ifs not balanced. You have to do what you have to do. For me, ifs king a social activist committed to human rights issues. It doesnt matter what shade of skin you've got, if you have a problern, and it's an issue that 1 can deal with, I will pull my sleeves up and be there for you. 1 founded the [ethno-cultural] association so we can be inclusive as a people. Scottish, African, Native, English, whatever, people volunteer their time; none of us get paid. We put on functions to mise funds to pay the bills. This is an outlet.

1 was the keynote speaker at a symposium dealing with ethno-cultural pdicy and equity at the [name] Board of Mucation. 1 was thrilled because young people in the audience were [given an] award for the production of a short video on anti-racism in the xhool system. Ifs an empowerment thing, not a black and white thing. Young people are saying, "We must stop this because this is our wortd." They are taking the lead to stop nameialling and jokes: "Well, no, ifs not a joke, if you hurt somebob/ by calling them a name, then it also hurts me."

If you can't change people's attitude, sometîmes you can change behaviour. But it gives me hope when schools invite me to speak because I'm giving them something positive. Good human relations make us what we are. 1 use the words love and respect a lot. Irsthe simple things in life that 1grew up with that 1 want to pass on. One of the greatest things in life is to respect. If you have no self-respect, you cannot afford to give it to anyone. You must be able to love who you are to give love. Discrimination is wmng. People get killed because of the colour of their skin, or their sexual orientation. This is totally wrong! "Who died and made us God?" Love is unconditional. 1 love you because of you.

Period! In the workplace people compte against each other for positions. If you want to cdimb the ladder, you must step over wmeone else, unless we work together to elevate together. Itls hard for young people today. We tell them to go to xhool, to get a good education and they do. Then they canY find a job. If we have cosp education, they leam what they want to do in life. And we dont teach [trades] in the system. We have to make so many changes.

[Moira dixussed her upcoming participation in a Corrections Canada conference]. The justice system, like the prison system, is outdated. Moving into the 2lst century, we should be looking at conflict resolution and mediation instead of locking people up. Soaner or later prisoners corne back into society and ifs a revolving door because they dont know how to react. The prison systern teaches you to steal and kill better. If you have self-respectt you will, in hm, respect another human king. Conflict resolution should ôe through evev insatution-the school system, the media, the justice system, religion-because people make up the system. Look at workplace cutôacks because of changes in technology. Instead of overtime, hire more people to work so every household gets incorne to feed the family. What is one pemdoing with billions of dollars in assets, while another pemn cannot get up in the moming and feed breakfast to oneself or children. There is someaiing very wrong with this picture. The social safety net has been eroded because so many people are depending on it.

Share a loaf of bread and somebody doesnt have to beg. We are in a system that looks after ourselves and to hell with the rest.

na with the idea of loving and each qfhat

1 took my community development training in conflict resolution in

ôttawa. 1 found out about MRA (moral re-armament) 3 or 4 yean ago from an

88 year-old senior [who] invited me, as part of the Mayor's Cornmittee, to go to a conference in Richmond, Virginia. The founder, Frank Buchman, got the idea of making people realize that if you are honest, unselfish, pure and loving, your life becomes easier. Last year 1 went to Caux, a beautiful place in a valley near

Geneva, Swiherland for the Sûth anniversary. It changed rny life forever. In one room, 1 met people from every walk of life and al1 four corners of the world. We were dealing with this idea of morality and spirituality in human beings, of loving and respecting each other. Letters came in from Bill Clinton, Helmut Kohl, the

Dalai Lama and different heads of @te. 1 had already started thinking like that, but it broadened my thought processes. c 1 came to this counûy two days before my twenv-first birthday in 1974.

Entering the airport was a culture shock. You're shoveâ in mis mm, questions are thrown at you. The tone of voie of the [white] woman who intervieweci me said, "You're a suspect." 1was traveling on my own, for the first time, to a new land with two young children. The welcome was not there. Although 1 had landed immigrant status, there was a fear. 1didn't see one pemof colour. My husband8sfamily was there to meet me. That was great.

The number game starts when you get the social insurance numôer.

Where 1 came from, you were known as a pnson with a name and birth certificate. 1 was leaming veiy fast. There was no one to tell me what 1 needed to do. (1 believe that should be part of the welcoming.) From that day at the airport, 1 prepareû myself mentally to work within the customs of a different world. I don't get upset [by] tone of voice: it might be that person's form of talking. 1 prepared myself for the simplest things [such as] locking the door.

Then 1 started asking questions automatically because 1 was taught as a child,

"If you dont know, you ask, that's why you have a mouth. You have two ean to listen, so you listen more than you talk."

It is a privilege being bom as a Caucasian-period. Society is set so that the colour of your skin matten with your health, your economic status, and other aiings. Who gets listened to at a meeting? Who gets support? At this community center that 1founded, people go to the [white] secretary because they think she's the authorïty. Sometimes ifsthrough ignorance, but most of the time (and Cm not making apologies), it is sheer racismePeople want to cover t up or make exaises, but when it ames to an adult, therets no excuse. kar sets up barries to keep you out: fear of change, fear of promotion. The wlour barrier is leamed behaviour. Parents teach children to disdminate because that's what they leamed. Racism is very destrudhre to Society.

We learn fmm each ornet if we take tirne to inmctand

1 grew up in a religious home, so Ihgrounded in religion: "Do unto othen as you would have them do unto you, " and, "Love your neighbour as yourçelf." Practicing what Christ did while he was on earth is a tall order. People

(and institutions) are either negative or positive in your life. What gets us into trouble is hypocrisy. My son and my daughter were raised to be honest so we can share, converse, and corne to a happy medium. 1 dont question different shades of sîcin and languages, because we learn from each other if we take time to interact and understand. Why are we not teaching children to respect each other?

Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. both worked on the issue of injustice. In my cornmunity Martin Luther King Jr. is a world figure, the be al1 and the end all. He was focused on the Afrkan diaspora, the Bladc community and the injusüœ of racism. He started by looking out for the basic human rights of this one group, but as he went along it became tk ideal for the disenfranchised. Mahatma Gandhi's fight was for human rights, which was inclusive. They were like forefathen of my time. c 1 grew up in my grandparents home although my mom and dad were alive. My grandmother raidmy sister and me to be strong. Long before women's lib, 1knew what liberation was al1 about. So 1 grew up knowing myself, respecting myself, and expectigngpeople to respect (not tolerate) me. She used to say, "Ifs good to be manied but you can't depend on your husband." She had everything covered from A to 2. She is 96 (years of age) and lives in England now. My grandfather was a very loving man [who] rai& us the way he would have raised boys. When 1 arrived here, 1 was prepared in the sense of knowing who 1 was. When it came to racism, 1 had heard and read about it, but 1 hadn't experienced it. Later, 1ûaveled, I studied-oing deeper into my own black history-and it grounded me as a woman of colour of the African diaspora. It made me sûonger. 1 can deal with whatever is thrown at me. I'm very practical.

1 dont blame people because of my circumstances. Both my grandparents were involved in empowering me.

My grandfather was the best any child could have. He was always supportive and gave me a positive outiook. He taught me to be strong, like my grandmother. My grandmother had high expectations of me. 1 leamed passion, nurhiring and caring from her. My grandmother was, and still is, very religious.

She walks the talk, she really does! My grandfather, who was a mason carpenter, taught me structure and building; f got the sbength from him. As hr as he was concemed, there was no difference between male and female once you could do the job. Both my grandparents were involved in empowering me.

When 1 was growing up, my grandparents, aunts, uncles and evevbody who lived in the village raised me. Children are not even part of the picture of the North American systern. That's why you have child poverty. When an election is coming up, govemments will throw some money in the pot for their political advantage. That's the hypoaisy 1 talk about; it is ingrained in every thing society does.

ot mv active fumr for compuqj'tv develwmwt fiom mv

My secondary school teacher had the greatest impact on me as a child.

She was like a mother, a sister. She now runs a mialjustice theatre Company and we're friends. Amah is a fighter. 1got my active furor for community development from her. Growing up, she gave me high expectations education- wise. She twk me under her wing because 1 was highly intelligent. She used to tell me that 1 was taking my intelligence for granted. She wants me to go back to school and get my doctorate, but I'm a social rat, down there in the gutter.

Thatk what matters to me. When Pm ready to retire, then SI1 do mething. A university professor in peace midies Md me, "Moira, you should be teadring the courses. You have the knowledge and skiIl."

My grandmother used to say that education is not common sense. Some highly educated people have no idea whats happening in the world. Take a lmk at your neighbours, and try to help whenever you can. Dont do it because you can get something in return, but you do get something positive. These are the ideals that I grew up with. 1cal1 it God-centered. 1 always wanted to be a xhoolteacher. The concept of teaching is Christ. Teaching is about love and understanding. Teaching is an exchange. You teach, someone leams, but at the same time that person teaches you. You're committed to impres upon that young mind, "Ufe can be simple, life can be great, and you can give." What mattered to me when 1 taught on the islands was seeing children aile because they got to write Meir name for the fnst time. You can build on that pride, because a path is set for that individual. [In Canada] we have children that dont learn.

human rjpbLI acahrist. and 1live adbme it

[People say], "1 didn't know you were marri4 with children and grandchildren. How can you find time to do al1 of it?"1 have a very good relationship with my husband, and he knows my passion. If someone calls and they need help, SI1 jump in the car and Ifmgone. If Ifmcooking, he will finish it.

We have an understanding. Sornetimes he may gnimbte because he wants to know why I'm out, wmetïmes seven da* a week. You must be committed ta what you do or else it bums you out. We respect each other. 1 love him for who he is. 1love him because he allows me to be who 1am. We do things together and we do things apart. 1 dill have rny identity. I'm open, ï'm out there, I'm with people, I love people. Somames, I'm si& because I'm overdoing it; Cm a diabetic. He'll see in my hce that I'm drained, and hetll get mad at me. 1 forget to take my medication. He'll tell me, "Oh my Cod, you're going to kill yourself."

We are busy doing things for everybody except ourselves. There are days 1 like for myself and days I want with my husband, nobody else. We must find time for each other.

If we teach our children to share from a very earîy age, then they grow up learning to appreciate, love and respect al1 the spiritual and moral things we pracüce. So you teach them how to play and respect each other in the sandbox.

When they get into class in xhool, you teach them how to be kind to each other.

Prolue Tbree: Sarah's Story 1 don't think of al1 the misery, but of al1 the beauty that still remains. -Anne Frank (as cited in benShae, 1993, p. 47)

Sarah's reputation as an inspùed high school teacher preceded her, so when 1 had the opportunit-to meet her 1was surprised by her quiet, engaging presence and attentive eyes. 1 was expecting that an English teacher who could generate enthusiastic responses fiom ber students would be more flamboyant and self-important. Sarah's open- mindedness, wannth and resolve fostered a satismg encornter.

1 invited Sarah to be a research participant becaw she made a deliberate choice to move fbm a school (high school A) with high achieving, advantaged students to a school (high school B) with Iower achîeving children hmdisadvantaged backgrounds. 1 was impressed by Sarah's entbusiasm for the change; it was not an act of charity. Sarah offers mon than her teaching expertise to others, she offers yetser tov, or " 'good impulse'-the innate, psychological, tendency to do gwd" (Soloman, 1996, p. 2). The socio-economic statw of these students creates inequities. Sarah's work is directed toward reducing inequities by teaching to optimize every student's potential and ac hievernent .

Afier Sarah agreed to be a research participant in rny study, she disclosed to me that she had been the sole teacher interviewed for a doctoral thesis, The Teacher's

'Practical Knowledge ': A Case Study (Elbaz, 1980). in part, Elbaz selected ber because of "her ability and interest in reflecting on ber experience" (Elbaz, 1980, p. 59). Sarah said that she was fascinated by questions pertaining to her practical knowledge: "What knowledge do you draw nom? What causes you to make al1 these on-the-spot decisions?' For Sarah, personal knowledge is grounded in expenence.

A cornmon feature of Sarah's earlier and current transcnpts is her capacity and determination to use personal knowledge (consciousness) to guide responsible action in teaching. Viktor Frank1 (1986) maintains that co~sciousnessand responsibility are two values that "make up the wholeness of the human being" (p. 5). According to Fd

(1985). people fmd meaning in their lives in three ways: "(1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude they take toward unavoidable sufferhg'' (p. 133). These thne ways of discove~g meaning in life are evident in Sarah's profile and they provide a structure for the reader to understand her experience. Within this framework, Sarah's profile is illuminated by theorists, such as Bnmer and Vygotsky, whose ideas focus on education. A work, for Frank1 (1985), is an accomplishment that one realizes by süuggling toward a frcely selected and worthy goal. Such a wotlt, imprinted with its author's signature, is an act of nsponsibility that reflects the very essence of being human

(Fd,1985). Lemer (1997) agms that work itself can be a humanking process because it is an opportunity to extemaiize ourselves in the world by sûiving, with others, toward noble goals. Work can be a mode of transformation for workea '90 actualize theù capacities as loving and creative human beings" (Lemer, 1997, p. 232). Jerome Bruner

(1996) focuses the conversation about work (oeuwes) on extemalized collective accomplishments that function in schools to "give pride, identity, and a sense of continuity to those who participate. ..in their making" (p. 22). The externalization of personal and communal achievements into the public arena makes them more amenable to reflection, negotiation and a sense of group solidarity (Bniner, 1996). Sarah's profile is rife with exarnples of personal and communal oeuvres. She acknowledges that work gives her deep personal satisfaction and a creative outlet. At Sarah's school, teachers and students sûuggled together to produce a "moving document" that included a picm and part of the story of every student. Sarah focuses on teaching methods that enable students to create works: "They need to publish wbat they write-to have it recognized, to have it polished, to share it with adults." Sarah believes that educators are responsible for acting

"to improve whatever little section of the world [we're] concemed about." Sarah is enthusiastic about belonging to a school staffthat is dedicated and innovative in its efforts to CO-createworks with students. Franki's (1985) second structure for realizhg meaning in life is linked to relationships and experiences. Frank1 (1985) maintains that it is through loving relationships bat one enables others not only to recognize their essential characteristics and potentials, but also to actualize these potentials. From an educationai perspective,

Vygotsky (Bruner, 1986) originated work about intellectual development that included his conception of the Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD). This zone is the space separating young peoples' actual level of growth as evidenced by "independent problem- solving" and theu potential level of growth that is apparent "under adult guidance or in collaboration with more capable peers" (Vygotsb as cited in Bruner, 1986, p. 73). The goal of the adult is to erect a scaffold to provide the student with recognizable concepts and ideas, so that intellectually the child achieves a "higher ground" than he or she would independently. A deliberate process to extend leaming experience from the ZPD ensures that students will not be bored by the familiar, or discouraged by material that is beyond their 'zone' at that tirne.

The challenge to the teacher is to continually alter supportive stnrctures at the expanding border of the student's cornpetence (Bruner, 1986). Sarah tells vivid stocks about her ways of challenging stuùents to the edge of their incipient capabilities. For example, she uses a scaffolding appmach to teach writing; she stipulates specific requirernents and encourages fiee flowing ideas within that structure. She also desmis experiences and relationships that represent personal thresholds of learning and crystallizing moments in ber own development. Watson and Baert (1998) make a case for experiential leaming: "The unexamined life might not be woah living; but lifk without experience is not worth examining" (p. D2). Sarah's Life is worth examining! Finally, Fdchallenges us to hdmeaning in life even amidst dering. Sarah is not sentimental about the suffering she encounters. In relatioaships with students she is a superb listener. She celebrates ethnic differences because of their aesthetic appeal and the oppomuiity to realize connections with others. Her attitude is characterized by a reflective observation that she made about former students who lived in abject poverty in a foreign land, ''The amazing thing is that there is a bond!"

This profile may seem a little abrupt at the outset, however it nflects Sarah's capacity to be on task in relation to her practical experiences in contesting inequities pertaining to classism.

I can think of experiences that stand out in terrns of classism; one

involves a school newspaper here at [high schod BI. When I first came, three

years ago, the head of the department was getting into the cyberworld for the

benefit of kids. He talked to me about a virtual community that Our students had

been invited to create and send b the equivalent of the Science Center in San

Francisco. 1 said, "What if we got every Md in grade nine to write about their

community and createâ a counterculture magazine? It will catch their attention

and let about 150 kids give a verbal pichire of Our community. Digital pichires

will show how many nations we are." It ended up that a few stellar kids, who

were vew interested in cornputers, did the cyber part of it. They had a chance to shine and to go to the Science Center here to show it to other people. That was very exciting. Meanwhile, 1had this enomous task of the papers hmkids in grade nine. We called for student volunteers to be typists and editors. This is an issue of equality, alsa We got kids who are very talented, very intelligent and who are not serwd well in this xhool because so much of our attention goes to the middle sedor. They formed a cadré, because there was afteer xhool work induding dealing with technologid and communication breakdowns. We ended up with a 60-70 page booklet with original art and a photograph of every kid.

This Wetincluded kids' ideas about drugs, love and friendship, and a lot of hem wrote about or drew a picture of their home country. It was a very moving document. For me it was a great boon because 1 got to know, from processing the pickires, a lot of the kids. So the grade nines, the babies of the xhool, got attention. They each, in whatever way they wanted, got a bit of their story told.

This idea of publishing is poweiful in the teaching of English or language arts. Until now, we've had the bulletin board or a writing folder. It was exciting to see that with a measure of extra effort there were benefits for the kids way beyond the time invested. They could put their creativity into an outside pmject.

Two of them appmached me at year end and said, "We want a school newspaper." c Now, I come from [high school A], and even there, produdng a school newspaper is a difficult task. 1 had my doubts but 1 didn't have doubts about these two kids. At the time 1 was not computer literate, so 1 knew I'd be beholden to other people for the basics of deskt-op publishing. 1 said, "Let's go ahead modestly." It took a long time, but we produced an 11 by 17 broad sheet

paper, front and back. At the same Ume, we were starüng to get an influx of

high-end computer equipment because the department head who had gotten on to th& virtual reality project made impressive corporate connections. We had a colour Xerox printer, a high end Madntosh and a desktop publishing program.

The kids went to work. 1 wamed them, "If ifs like [high school A] you'll see the

newspaper papering the floor within two hours of it king distributed. You might

want to seIl it so that the kids will value it." 1 was trepidatious that al1 of this

work would be disregarded. There's a lot of unpredictable behaviour at this

school. As 1 recall, we sold it for a quarter and kids were very respectful; they

bought and read it. We made a chart of the ten kids' photographs in it, so that

we had the genden, ethnicities and ages represented. The kids balked at ais;

"This is tao much work." 1explained why we had to do it. Now they always do

the charls. It was exciting! We got accolades and e-mail hmpeople outside the

board. Then they said, "Miss, next time we want it to really look like a

newspaper, can we do a newsprint newspaper?" My heart caught, because this

[meant] dealing with an outside printer. I dont howwhether these two girk were born leaders, or whether they were nurtured by so many people here that they emulated behaviour they saw. But they started a newspaper staff that got so big that 60 kids showed up. We produced three newspapen during the year.

A small group ended up doing most of the organization and they would corne to me for advice about thoiny issues.

EveryEhing seemed to open up an exciting can of woms and it did end up coming down to issues of multiculturalism and equity. February is a loaded month with cultural celebrations and we wanted to have a feahire about them.

Printing so rarely, we couldn't have hot news on the cover. We wanted to have a graphics format. We had to figure out what one image we could use for

Ramadan, African Heritage Month and Chinese New Year, and we were stupidly ambitious enough to think that we could make it into a collage. People had the same unspoken idea. So an art teacher brought me some art books for African

Heritage Month. We scanned into the cornputer what 1 thought was a beauüful

African carving to represent Africa and suddenly al1 these obj&*ons starteâ fiying. By showing a craft we were implying that Afncans were primitive, whereas, for Ramadan we were showing a famous Mosque; we were juxtaposing a craft with an edifice. We got into the idea that there arent edifices in Africa because of the dimate, and somebody said, "Well you've got to do a phobgraph of the pyramids." So we ran to the library, illegally unlocked the door, found a pichire of the pyramids and scanned it in. Then people said, "Pyramids arent AMcan." ûf course, this gets to the heart of the great debate about the ancient culture of Egypt. By this time 1 had staff members and the kids flying to work against a self-imposed deadline. We finally did the graphic with the pyramids, a

Mosque and a dragon that a girl had drawn. It was a terrible graphic. You canY put thedifferent kinds of artwork together. The achial product is ugly, but the proces was fascinating, and that happens again and again with this newspaper.

We tried a "What's Howhat's Nor' column, and some racial things got into it."WhaVs Hot" was a certain expensive brand name pant and what was "Not

Hot' was a certain kind of red pants. All the boys from Guyana Wear red pants and it was looked on as a slight. Some people said, 'But they're not hot, hose boys have to know that." We decided to distribute them free to the kids. You dont find one in the garbage, or on the floor. We puMished a teacher's guide that probes issues, so for about two days the classes are alive with discussion.

e after ru- of the mtionëarhave crdana The most recent thing we got [was] mentoring from a man working at

Young Peoples' Press. The organizaüon's mandate is to fnid student joumalism and get it published in the mainstream press. He was able to publish four refuge -dents' stories on the front page of [a sedion] in the [newspaper] last year. They were lovely -ries, simple and sensory. One of the girls who was published decided that she wanted to write an exposé of how girls hm traditional cultures are treated in school and in their families. Now, he is a professional joumalist and he showed them how to do a feature article, which meant intewiewing girls in the school. So, they interviewed Vietnarnese, Tamil, mainly Muslim girls. The girls said things you'd expect: "1 have a brother going to university, but I'm not going to go to university. I'II have to work for him, " and "I'm expected to be a virgin, but the boys aren't." They also exposed how some girls are physically abused at home because there's a rumour miIl that they're seen with boys. They laôoured over this feature and the kids who'd been inteiviewed didn't realize how powerhd publishing is. Anyway, the writers were attacked by the girls who had been interviewed, and they said, "But this is what you said." And as anyone who's been an immigrant, Cm finding out, realizes, you're no longer a Tamil, you're a Tamil who's living in Canada, and there's a complex lifestyle development going on. So the lead writer had to negotiate with her father who works in the Tamil community and will be recognized as [her] father. Therets no neat way to tie al1 this up except to say that the newspaper production has becorne a Channel for the more gifted, tenacious kids. The after rumbles of the publication of the newspaper have been exciting.

These girls [editors] have won wondemil scholanhips. They're on to more sophisticated desktop publishing and thevve opened a business to help people in the community make Web sites. I'm going to close down the newspaper. 1 dont have a group of up-and-coming kids who can cany on, and 1 dont want to take it on because 1would stop having an wi/khgrole and start having a mrirg mea~oundrole. It's not a student newspaper in that case. 50,I would like to go online with these new cornputen next year and have a living newspaper.

Actually it would be more dernomtic because anyone who writes something that is not blasphemous or inappropriate will be able to publish. Ifs up to us to decide how to make this ewiang, dernomtic and open, and not only for good writers and highly motivated kids.

The one thing that was clear as soon as 1 left [high schd A] is that it is clogged with egos. Even the production of aie newspaper was an ego thing. Kids overbooked themselves; it was part of the culture to be frenzied and busy.

People wanted their name on their column. It was essentially a consewative newspaper that reflected what Ws hear at home. Here [at high xhool BI the letters to the editor came out of my writing class. The kids are not capable of (1 hate that phrase, "not capable of')-they dont have experience with-letters to the editor. 1 set it up by teaching the format of a letter to the editor in da=.

There has to be more active teaching if we want kids to spontaneously write in their pieces of opinion. We didn't censor a lot, so it's pretty outspoken. The wonderful thing about this xhdis that ifs very supportive of kids and Wds' endeavours, and teachers' endeavoun.

There's an amazing environment at this school. For example, there was a cal1 on the P. A. for volunteers to sort out report cards. Well, the mmwas so

packed you couldnt get in to volunteer! There is a gmup of loosely connecteâ teachers who have a wondeml spirit: very hardworking, great sense of humour. They can let things roll off their back that at other schools would be huge sources of conflict, hurt or resentment. They have the attitude, "What can we by next to make this better?" They have ways of navigating the system so that you can get what you want, even though it seems impossible at first. It's an axiom in

[the city], that the tougher the teaching situation in the school is, the more knit together the staff is. IL doesn't mean the whole staff, but ifs a criticai mas.

There's an administration that is supportive, humane and underslanding of issues that the kids are facing. They understand that their lives are more complex than we can imagine by projectiongour own childhoods or adolescence.

n un in a second meration. Jwish fa-

My background was privileged, not in an economic sense, but in the sense that my parents got manied with a focus on king very devoted to the family.

According to their values, education was the most important thing. 1 was given everything 1 needed to get my education and was very much respectecl in the family for it. My immediate family is not an immigrant farnily. 1 remember (this is awhil to say) feeling merelief on parents' night that my parents didnt have an accent. I was aware that things had come easily to me. On the other hand, when 1went into English at univenity, I was with people who were from a white, Anglo-Saxon, Pmtestant background who knew things that 1didntt know because Itd grown up in a second generation Jewish family. 1got an awareness that 1 was at a cultural disadvantage-not a huge onedut there were things 1 didn't get in my background that other people could talk about easily. So that consbuct got into my head at univenity. I was blessed with an insight that I'd better not graduate and go right into teaching because 1 could see myself getong old and rigid in the teaching profeaion.

1 went to Israel on a clone of the Peace Corps. Immigrants had been brought from Middle Eastern and Afncan countries in the 5O8s, so by the 60's their kids were in xhwl. 1 went to teach in Israel and 1 saw things that 1 had never seen in my life. 1 was living in a rural setting, teaching [poor] kkls who came in with diseased eyes and wildness. The term "culturally deprived* was popular and these kids were classic. B grabbed me from an intelledual point of view: "What are these people going airough?" Also, from a practical point of view, "How and what do 1 teach?" 1 was 21 and 1 had no teacher training. But, drop me in a classrwm and I'm OK. So, through the medium of teaching, 1got a lot of excitement about these kids and communities. 1ended up in a research project. Their hy pothesis was you could take "culturally deprived" kids and teach them inductively. Their world was chaotic because it hadnt been mediated by parents because parents had been in trauma from the virtwl crossing from the

18th to the 2Oth century in coming to ïsrael. They had no language or explanation of the world; teaching deductively took too long. In English 1 would teach a rule and then show examples. The kids were in small clases with exha

Moring and work support in the home. They were also, this is key, placed in the &te schwl of Jenisalem aMts attached to the Hebrew university. So they were Mis bubble within a bubble. My awareness of the inequities was strong. 1 did have one dass with the cream of aie aop kids who were obnoxious and arrogant and spoke English because they were taken to the States every year.

The disparity between teaching these small classes in the project and then the difficulty of king insulted in the other clamroom really highlighted things for me. In Israel, it was an interesüng story in terms of equity. The feeling was that if kids from those immigrant groups could graduate from high xhool with enough skills to go into officer training in the army, that would be a shortcut to king absorbed in al1 the levels of the society. The army is the big socializing force of the country and most people go through it. Those were the crystallizing yean for me, the yean in israel.

there is a bond 1 didn't have children, and working in a place like this [high xhod BI satisfies a lot of those things. Nurturing goes on here: touching, wamth, openness. fhey're very candid and it satisfies something very deep inside me.

The other Ming is, you really do see results here! You can see a leap in a student here. Also, the kids are very appreciative, so there is a constant feedbadc that mosüy overcomes the dixouragement. In a wider sense, in terms how they measure out in [the city], the reuilts are discouraging. A lot of our kids were bom in refuge camps. My gwss is they were malnourished and tky weren't stimulated. EverVa,ing that werre reading abwt eady nurhiring didn't happen in their Iives. nien, they're battîing against bngwge and general knowledge deficits. [Administrators] ûy hard to get culturally neutral literature for the kids, but there are always problems. Inone of the standardized testing units there was a cottage and a dock. There wasn't a way of giving them a picture of it; there are so many gaps and no systematic way of filling them. Ifs a huge issue. In many cases the textbooks need to be written at a simpler level.

Because I'm interested in language, these things are, at the same time, discouraging but enonously challenging. 1keep on bouncing badc, "Well, let's try this, let's by that." There is good humour about falling on your face. A signifiant part of the staff is willing to be adventurous. Everyday there's at least one heartbreaking stoiy and also one great thing happens. Its that up and down. At [high school A], 1wondered, "Whatk it all for? These kids get so much at home."

Ifs in my nature to feel outside the mainstream. I've never felt marginalizeâ by anyone except myself. 1 get along fine without having the same values as a lot of the people around me. 1 sense that I'rn different, but 1donY think Ys bad or good. 1 was getüng the high marks in high school, so that puts you outside. 1 didn't have the beauty that got some girls very far. 1 wasn't part of a wealthy set and 1was very shy. 1 was younger than the other kids, so 1 never quite got what they were so excited about. They say that women are better obseirers because they're often outside the power. 1 donY pin it to king a woman, at all, 1 pin it on not being in the mainstream. Ceitainly, going to

Israel at that impressionable age was an opening ln other people who live in different ways. There is an aesthetic dimension. 1 cm buy tomatoes in the market along with the lady from Yemen. My aesthetics are toward ethnic or rougher things, not so refined. Whatever propelled me to China in my late 30s was a need to revisit that.

China was the matching bookend to Israel in the sense that 1 went to a por rural area. It was agriculturally a rich area, but the midents were poor and undemourished. Just to see the living conditions.. .the smells and how people gathered rice grains out of the garbage ...was a sensory bombardment. 1 dont mean in a bad sense, just a realization that you can connect with people [who]

[ive in different ways. The really amazing thing is that there is a bond!

No matter how much we try to teach equity, we teach tom a position of power. What mixes up disadvantaged kids is our attempt to deny that power. A simple example is that a teacher would say to a young kid, "Would it be OK if you sat down now?" The kid gets very confused, whereas if one says, Vou have to sit down now because we have to go on with the lesson, " ifs rnuch clearer. men kids get that kind of instruction at home and then this funier kind at xhool. The suggestion Is that s~alledliberal parents negotiate wlth their kids.

Al! of those things are power. In some situations one needs to be more pr-ptive in the classroom. Welve been on a binge of creativity in writing;

"Dont wony about the form, just express yourself." That is fine for kids who have rich experienœ and background and are invited to artkulate their ideas a lot. But for kids with more limited background, you should be more directive in teaching. 1, on my own, edged toward that. This landmark article aniwd at the same conclusion. I've thought about what they'll need when and if they go on to teTüa~/education. 1have a stance that you have to give kids scaffolding. IlII give structure... This is where you put your thesis, how you support your thesis, about how many sentences should be in this kind of paragraph..." which sounds anal. 1'11 be fieflowing in inviting their ideas, having them engage with each other and presenting a ridiculous point of view so that they can ûy their luck working with or against that. That's where it strikes a balance. In those newspaper stories they followed a structure, but they said profound things about their lives and experience within that.

to mMe the i(iPs amof the 1-er im There are power issues in the classroorn and in xhool life, but the larger power issues involve politics or dominant values in the society pressing in on us.

In some way we're duty-bound to make kids aware of that. You can often get into a discussion with the kids where they are disparaging about their community: "This is a community of drug dealers and rapists and Ys not safe in the streets." 1'11 say, "1 see the drug dealers in this neighbouhood as victims of

bigger drug dealers. These drug dealers are the ninners, the fall-guys and the

hit-men who are obvious to the pdiœ and who get put in jail. But the real drug

issues are doser to the wealthy secüons of aie city and to people who victimize

this neighbourhood. That makes me angry." Irm wing to push their borders. They'll often counter, "Yeah, they corne in their big cars and then they leave..."

Another example is, if there are education refoms coming down, 1 want to make them aware of how it affects the low socio-economic community that doesnt have a lot of resources. 1 tr/ to make them aware that they're in a structure and that maybe some of them want to do something about it, although I've got no prescriptions.

about the writiilg nmcq~~ We can do things to showcase them and ifs part of pedagogy about the writing process. They need to puMish what they write, to have it recognized, to have it polished, to share it with adults. They need specific reinforcements and compliments: "What you said is a mature remark because. .." They need to see themselves as succesmil, as potentially successful, and we can find ways to do it. It's important for kids to feel connecteed to a teacher here. Many of them find xhool, or their white rniddle-class teachers, alien. EstaMishing a relationship is a bridge to learning.

If Ican sense a glimmer of an idea, 1'11 reflect it badc to them with the vocabulary or the metaphor they need to get starteci. There's a lack of confidence although they know what they want to write about. What I've found very successful is that Sll give them a snappy opening sentence and somehow they Iive up to it A kid in this teenage dilemma essay was wanting to write about gangs and 1sensed that it was a real issw in his Iife. All year he has been bying to be bad: scare kids, be rough in class, not do his work. But he also has a strong connedion with me. Now, he's very bright and doesn't do work, so he's lost skills. He said, "How an1 start?" because I'd emphasized the importana of an opening that grabs the reader's attention. Isaid, "Well, what are gangs like?" and he said, 'IWell, you get in and Ys really cornfortable and you get a lot hm hem and then things go bad and you have to do things against the law and then the really hard part is getüng out." So 1 said, '70 me that sounds like quicksand, " and then he just ran with it. 1 fault myself, sometimes, on not allowing them to struggle long enough. But 1'11 always push them to get a millimeter further. I've developed skills in a class discussion, so that 80% of the time we can really hit a stride and keep on challenging each other. Ifs quite miraculous sometimes. A lot of it is reflecting badc to them what they said and tiying to frame it in a way that makes them feel good about the idea. In the writing process ifs easier to push them further by giving them an opportunity to rewrite and to express it better: "Why dont you put an example into this dialogue so ifs more lively." Kids who are excellent dont have models of super- excellent kids, so we have to concern ourselves about them also.

It is astounding and magical in the early stages of poetry writing when they choose something from nature that they can identify with like a tree, a mountain, or a bird. They give a portrait of themselves, a kind of extendecl metaphor. Ido one for myself [to share with them]. 1dont say, 'Tm a beaUtigfiil fiower in a garden." 1talk about being a flower at the badc of a garden, or a fiower in the shade, or something to show the complexi~of it. They do wonderfiil work. 1 remember one kid was a tree that doesn't flourish because its roots have been cut-this sense of not belonging anywhere. It sounds like a cliché, but he found it himself.

I've become more skilled in not allowing things to escalate, of knowing when ifs not going to work. I'd like to get to the win-win stage and both people corne out with respect. I'm getüng doser to that and 1try to put anger in a context in aie classroom.This is what worries me. .." The students' anger is near the surface and the esdation is rapid and painful. You have to find ways to keep it as a conversation. c men [with children who were refugees] 1observe a passivity. I'm aiinking of a couple of kids who look neglected: disheveled, thin, hungiy. My guess is that their parents are broken people. They're rnanaging in society but they dont understand their kids' Iives or have energy at the end of the day. If we respect the theory that cognitive development gets wired in those early years, 1canY imagine that aKKe kids were stimulated or even physically nowished in those years when their parents were undoubtedly in trauma. There isnY a lot to salvage. They drag to xhod, sleep on the desks, dont have their homework done, dont have a pencil or paper. It washes over them. 1 believe we really have to invest energy in preschool. t wo- if it oitwwith th@ own in-

Most of the kids dont have computers at home, so for a while 1 would schedule late nights at schod where I'd supervise the cornputer lab. Then 1 started noticing that other teachers got word-processecl work in. I had given up my time, organized the kids, taken attendance and sent a note home to give them an advantage that kids five miles east of here have. Itend to get things organized for them when it would be better if they figured it out with their own ingenuity.

of mimthat one mv enthvriprm will iyLtOp awm Ihave no idea what keeps up my enthusiasm. Ifs a great fear of mine-in the same way that enthusiasm is a gift that I've been blessed with-that one day it will just go away. 1hope it doesn't happen, but it could. There are days like that, or hours (1 shouldnt say whole days), and they're just awful. These times are different in that every mini-response is a chore and every approach by anyone is like, "What's expeaed of me now?" We al1 hit weariness or depression.

In a xhool like this you have to be so well balanceû al1 the time.

You have to be aware of what [Australian educators] cal1 embeddedness, that is, where the dudents knowledge and experience is. You begin with that and push the borden out The workshop leader gave us an example: Wo houses are adjaœnt to each other and aie product of their numben is 2915, so what are the numben? One of tk pieces of knowledge that you need is that houses skip numben. I started thinlang about the kids who live in the big apartment buildings. They probably have no sense of how houses are numbered on residential streets. Therefore, you cant do the math problem if you dont know that. That's an example of how we start at the wrong place with students and think they're having trouble with math. The teacher gives the kids a common experience, like an outing and then has them write about experience that is embedded in them. We're tiying to have the same kids taught by teachen who've had this training so they'll get it reinforced in a few classes evety day.

e thme inroa& 1v ve ma One of the inevitabilities in the choices I've made professionally is that 1 have little time or energy for recreational or professional reading. Balance is eveiyone's issue. 1 find it a stniggle in a relationship. We're really dragged out in the evening. Very few people at xhod have subscriptions to concerts or go out in the evening. That is a big issue. The three inroads I've made are that I'm 51 yean old and from rtow on things are not going to change remarkably, 1 get a creative outlet in my job and as somebody once said, "Don't worry about the dilemma, just watch it and honour it."There are few people who understand what a drain the teadiing day is. I'm blesseci with a mother who's more vigourous than any of her children, so 1 haven't hit those private hard spots ni life that happen. Ifs a great topic of conversation among Mends that Sve had for 15,20,25 years. Suddenly thete are new dimensions in life, whether Ys a hard menopause, an ailing parent or kidr who are having trouble. Everyone seems to be mrying a pack.

ProNe Four: Winifted's Story

This we know.. .al1 thuigs are connected, like blood which connects one family. Whatever befaUs the earth befalls the children of the earth. Man [sic] did not weave the web of lif+he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to hirnself. 4iefSeattle, 18 54 (as ci ted in Muller, 1993, p. 160)

1 first met Winified, more than two decades ago, when she was involved with public health professionals in organizing a "healthy cities" project. Her enthusiasm, vision and commitment to work cooperatively with others to devise practical approaches to community development struck me. Winified has participated in social justice activities since she was a university student, and she now develops teacbing strategies and initiates research projects that reflect her community and ecological interests. She is an academic who is active in interdisciplinary and global development work.

As a senior adrninistrator in an educational institution, she distinguished herself as an egalitarian leader with a special capacity to rnake faculty and staff feel welcomed and valued as peers. She nwtmd a caring community and encomged the participation of women and minority group members in decision-making processes. 1 invited her to take part in this research study because of her feminist leadership skills, commitment to equality and her reputation for creating inclusive learning and work environmentS. At the time of the inte~ews,Winikd had completed her appointment in the senior-level position and had decided not to continue in administrative work. When Winified chairs a meeting, she radiates warm interest and attentiveness towards other group members. She has a fiendly manner and a personal acknowledgement for everyone, regardless of status. Her collegial approach recognizes others' accomplishments and interests. Winified is deliberate, positive and organized in presenting new initiatives and theoretical perspectives. She is an excellent facilitator of a

'bc~sscrossingdialogue" between participants so that strategies and content include a composite of opinions and suggestions. 1 am rerninded of a Quaker proverb: "It is the not-me in thee that is to me most pncious" (Young-Bruehl, 1996, p. 1). in academe,

Winified expresses the ethic of respect for diflerences. As a leader she makes space for and values each person's unique contribution.

Winified was the fust woman 1inte~ewed for this inquiry. Upon reviewing the transcripts of the interviews, 1 realized that 1 had taiked more than I expected to duMg the sessions. We discussed ideas relating to equality based on the writings of Ursula

Franklin, John Ralston Sad, Toni Momson and bel1 hooks, for example. We also disclosed information to one another about our family backgrounds and relationships. On the one hand, 1 wanted to be an active participant during the interview, and, on the 0th- band, I wanted to foreground the research participant's perspective. in subsequent sets of interviews 1did less of the talking but 1 have no regrets about these interviews. Our conversations were cornfortable for both of us and also congruent with Winifred's inclusive leadership style.

This introduction to WiniEred's profile feahires three interrelated goais that motivate her leadership actions: to recreate fmny in the workplace, to promote equaiity for pexiphenilized woman-focussed lcnowledge and practice, and to attend simdtaneously to personal, community and ecological concerns. These three goals are about making connections that create solidarity and open space for differences. Her goals represent a holistic approach and a commitment to interdependence.

Wuiified related a metaphoc for ferninine leadership: to create a family in the workplace. From this perspective, leadership goals align with the goals of a healthy family; each penon's autonomy is encouraged at the same time as group cohesiveness is fostered. The workplace that Winified envisioned would be "a safe place to be vulnerable."

Martin Heidegger (1962) describes the experience of existing within a collective in which one is free to be authentic as "Being-at-home" (p. 233). Being-at-home entails a

&y-to-&y fmiliarity with one's environment and a sense of belonging within a group.

This condition enables people to be authentic and thus to express concern for self and others. In contrast, when a person is "not-at-home" she becornes hidden fiom herself and others. For bel1 hooks (1984), being-at-home is a safe "woman-centereâ" place where one fuds care, positive energy and fliation as a result of political action: 'Tt can be maintained only if women remain convinced that it is the only place when they can be self-realized and fiee" (p. 27). Creating a safe place for people to %e" is vital to

Winifkd's work.

Building on the metaphor of family in the wodrpiace, there are three components of family love that periain to work relationships: "other-oriented," cbactionsriented"and

'iuiconditionai" (Burr, Day & Bahr, 1993). Other-oriented love is committed to nurhrring the growth of people in an atmosphen of mutuaiity, respect and interdependence. It requires "a humility that acknowledges a need for othea" (BUT, Day & Bahr, 1993, p.

12 1). This is an inclusive posture that strives to capitalize on the strengths of al1 members of the group. Action-oriented love seeks practical ways to achieve cornmon goals and to express appreciation for the contniutions of others. Unconditional love is the valukg of people in a way that is independent of theù attributes, accomplishments or one's own self- interests. People simply have intrinsic worth. According to Winifred, community is about the acknowledgement of others: "a worker is not just the generator of a product, but is always a person."

Winified's cornmitment to the development of community that fostea growth, inclusion and unconditional regard is similar to Jean Vanier's (1998) description of healthy belonging:

In healthy belonging, we have respect for one another. We work together, cooperate in a healthy way, listen to each other. We leam how to nsolve the confiicts that anse when one person seeks to dominate another. In a tme state of belonging, those who have less conventional lmowledge, who are seemingly powerless, who have different capacities, are respected and listened to. in such a place of belonging, if it is a good place, power is not imposed fiom on hi&, but al1 members seek to work together as a body. The implication is that we see each other as persons and not just as cogs in a machine. We open up and interact with each other so that al1 can participate in the making of decisions. (p. 58)

Jean Vanier is the founder of L'Arche, an international comrnunity network for people with inteilectual disabilities. Winifked is inspired by his conception of community.

Wiifred crosses borders that exia in relation to gender, class, hierarchical relationships, sexual orientation and race. For exampIe, her leadership style incorporates both masculine and ferninine traits (Jarnieson, 1995): ambition and sensitivity to others; ability to take risks and interpersonal understanding; assertiveness and warmth. In the profile she chronicles her transition fiom king "a man and a lady," to becoming a person who embraces womanhood.

Winifkd recalled a debate within a study group about the pnoritization of race, class and gender. When she questioned the need to argue the priority of one over the other, she was criticized and her point of view was marpinalized. Winifred's organic and expansive approach that looked at social construction rather than at individual prejudices challenged the conventional view. Bell hooks (1994a) comrnents on this very issue:

Until we are al1 able to accept the interlocking, interdependent nature of systems of domination and recognize specific ways each system is maintained, we will continue to act in ways that undermine our individual quest for fieedom and collective liberation struggle. (p. 244) nie understanding that it is domination and not prejudice that is at the root of oppression makes it untenable to set relative values on sources of discrimination.

Winifred was concemed with the classification of knowledge that privileges engineering, law and medicine and marginalizes disciplines such as nursing and social work. Antonio Gramsci (as cited in Worsley, 1997) described the development of hegemonic culture. Such a culture is innoduced and maintained by a ding class. in order "to be huiy successful, people have to intemalue these ideas-red& klieve in them" (Woaley, 1997, p. 265). In order to contest the hegemony, countemilture movements must redefme the beliefs imposed on them that have become a cultural

ideology. Winifred regularly challenges beliefs that reveai the 'Wen for granted" nature of howledge that &as been peripheralized. Winined's leadership involves decision-makhg that is based on individuai, community and ecological perspectives. Dimitrov (1998) refers to the 'r~cîdstructure in the human decision space" (p. 8) that has three levels: egodecisioas, people-oriented decisions, and eco-decisions. This hctal structure achieves integrity, strength and the capacity to evolve only when the decisions at each level are interdependently linked to the other levels. Community decisions that later nap ecological disasters an faulty at their inception. Likewise, institutional decisions that reflect egoistic interests without regard to cornrnunity needs do not ultimately serve society. Only people-oriented decisions bat are inclusive of al1 constituents and linked to concems for ecological sustainability rnaintain the complex fracta1 structure. There have been centuries of exploitation, and unless the new millennium is charactenzed by conservation, the degradation of the natd environment and social disintegration will continue to worsen.

Winifred is a leader who promotes responsible decisionmaking processes that

encompass personai interests, hurnan concems and ecological compassion.

Winifked prefen to use a growth model rather than a production mode1 in

education. The growth model entails a holistic appmach to leaming that depends on

''factors that relate to a general envuonment ofgrowth rather than on any design

parameters set down externally" (Franklin, 1992, p. 29). There is an important distinction

to be made between these two models as they relate to complex hctal structure. Ursula

Franklin (1992) elabmates:

Production models are perceived and constmcted without links into a larger context. This allows the use of a particuiar mode1 in a variety of situations. At the same the such an appmach discounts and disregmis al1 effects arÎshg fkom the impact of the production activity on its surroundings. Such externulities are considered irrelevant to the activity itself and are therefore the business of someone eise (p. 27)

The growth model in education focuses on developing people's own capacities to become conscious of and responsible for personal-professionai lcnowledge. in contrast, the production model requins people to live up to forced expectations that are already framed and constricted to meet predetertnined outcornes. Franklin (1992) warns us about the consequences of relying on a hgmented, production-based approach to education;

"[p]rocesses that are cheap in the marketplace are often wasteful and harmfil in the larger context" (p. 28). A growth model, with an interdisciplinary perspective, has the potential to take relevant, contextual factors into account in the construction of knowledge that will sustain human, animal and plant life on the pla.net.

Winified and I met in a spacious, cornfortable private room for a mid-afternoon fitinterview. We elected to sit on the floor for cornfort's sake. The audio recorder was placed nearby and a sound test was completed. I briefly reviewed the focus for the fiat interview.

v wbh for ima1s tauvard a colleva a My kind of leadership has to do with framing something as opposed to power or prestige. My wish for influence is toward a collective goal. So what's important in a group is to recognize each person's contribution, and to help people see others' contributions. Tn/ing to provide a nurturing environment is important to me. People Iead in different ways. 1was in a meeting the other day and there was something not happening that 1think I could have made happen.

The chairing of the meeting was done with a task orientation. Maybe that is a difference 1could mak~focus on person versus on task. If you dont see the foais on people in a discussion, you can move it hmthe task by asking people,

"How are you feeling about how this work is proceeâing?" The other thing that 1 do in a meeting is editorialize. Somebody reportç on tkir work and 1 might be able to comment on their commitment or whatever, and 1 might also be able to make a link with someboây else's work. I make links and editorialize. 1 speak. 1 parücipate. 1 try to make a link berneen people as "starst' (key players), in order to let people see similarities and differences in their work. It's my way of facilitating equal participation.

It is a faith in democracy. 1 dont know what the outcome is but 1 do have faith in demoaacy. 1 didnt have anything to inhibit batfaith. Religious organizations may inhibit democracy because they see things in terms of hiearchy and order. 1 dont 1 have a sense of equality with shidents. 1 ask them to cal1 me by my first name. Last year I was frustrated with some çtudents. 1 found them so discourteous. 1wanted to distance myself from them. Then shortly after, 1 was reading a book by Bernie Seigel and 1 noted that he has his patients cal1 him by his first name. He has more than a patient-ddctdr relationship with patients; they share a struggle or puzzle on dealing with cancer, life and love. 1 had considered having the young people start to cal1 me

"professor," then 1thought, "No, that is not what I'm about. 1dont want to get respect through hierarchy." 1have a sense of cornmitment to the colledivity and the comrnunity. Students are going to becorne colleagues and alumni, and we need to realize that they are part of Our lives forever. Ifslike having children; it is a lifetime relationship.

Inorder to shape a univenity you have to shape a community. It is not a contractual relationship; it's a human relationship. I assume I have the right to say something to al1 levels of the [university]. Our administrative structure separates staff, faculty and students, and we miss the sense of relationship and continuity across lines that we want to nurture. 1use the word community to acknowledge our roles as human beings or citizens in a joint enterprize, whether ifs the university or a neighbourhood.

My inclination is always to be inclusive. 1 start from the broadest fiame and then 1 consider what makes sense and what works. It is an operational thing. In working on [a health promotion project a colleague] said, "You're king far too inclusive to want to include people from different univenities, faculties, student groups, community groups and so on. It's much better to be smaller, to have a think tank of very good people." 1aiought, "No. This is a movement that needs to get as many sectors and people as possible. It will slow us down but 1 believe in this." 1 know in some ways that my indusiveness is a weakness; 1have to consider what is important to the process. 1 sat in on a course about interpersonal skills that [a colleague] was teaching. 1participated with the students. One group proces exercke was very interesting to me. It had b do with king on stage or getting attention or getting recognized. My colleague asked people if they liked that. 1 said, "Yes," and everybody in the class including [my colleague] said, "No." Recognition made aiem uncornfortable. I couldnt believe it! That became the subject of discussion and then 1 began to believe (or to understand) that they were honestiy uncornfortable. 1 like to be recognized, 1 like to recognim ever/body. People had to work on giving and accepting recognition. 1 dont have to work on that, 1 love il, and 1 love to give it! So 1 have to do it with some care and make sure everybody gets recognition.

Ifs part of my soda1 agenda to make the workplace more the way aie family ought to be in respecthg each other. Cm rebelling against society's segregation between puMic and private, male adfemale. ûther leaders are efficient and focused on deliverables and measurements. 1 prefer the growth model. As a sodety, 1 think we're sacrificing notions of growth al1 over the place; our education system is getting more production-orienteci. Gardening, weaving and jazz are niemetaphors to use to represent growth, instead of targethg (a military meta phor). My authentic work involves peripheralized, interdisciplinav knowledge. 1 have taught in health and ecological areas. I've always been involveci in advocacy-those are old stories for me. What 1 mlly care about is health- physical, social, ecological and spiritwl-and the conditions for health.

From the late 80's we've had a recession and more experience of globalization. We have begun to realize the downside of capitalism. When 1say

"capitalism" 1 dont mean "capitalists" necessarily. Capitalism simply works to mate profit, and capital moves in a way that is totally dixonnected from community, or nations. It is hard for public policy to manage capitalism because it is international and laws are, at best, national. So this era is seeing the power of capitalism. On the plus side, 1 would argue that we have to humanize capitalism, but ifs a big stniggle. Where are the motives to change it in any serious way? The ultimate dyshinction of capitalism might be what it is doing to the environment. The logical outcome to that would be the end of the human species and certain othen. In& and micrmrganisms would probably survive, but thatk not very comforting to me. So 1 want to work on something that preserves human Iife and the environment.

1 speculate that we're going into an enof neo-feudalism. If we're losing systems of aie, we will probably re-invent them in local ways based on who one knows. That is my notion of neo-feudalism, and maybe theie's mehop there; it!s a way of building on something else. We never had perfed systerns of care but we did have an era that valued are, equality and putüng systems into place to protect people.

1 applied for [a senior management position] with confidence, interest and positive energy. When 1 was chair of a [program] for [several] years, 1was on a team among equals. In becoming a senior manager, 1 have to say it was not a success story. 1think 1was good, but 1 couldn't keep it up. 1 had the most experience of marginalkation and 1didn't like it. 1think of Doroaiy Smith's line:

"How things really work." Basically, it has to do with the hierarchy of knowledge.

Some people would openly say, "There are only three professions that count in ternis of a univenity's status: medicine, law and engineering." In other words, the othen are quasi professions. There were clear professional elite xhools and clear intellectwl elite disciplines. Health and social services was a "motherhood" collecüvity; there was a lot of respect for it, but it was always last in terms of resources.

Language is one of the ways that tells "how things really work." 1could see that certain knowledge was peripheralized, and 1didn't let it go unvoiœd in meetings. 1 would find ways of showing how things worked. So, for example, people often talked in ternis of male sports or military metaphon Where questions would be framed in military or sports ways 1might make a littk joke and bring people's attention to it. People often remind me that my view is not the dominant view. 1 dont need to be told its not the dominant view. 1 ûnow that. But 1 have a sense of what feels right. Insights come from the edge. Ifs from the experience of marginalkation that you see more clearly. c 1 was always very confident as a teacher and department chair here. But as [senior manager] 1 had a sudden loss of confidence. There was a discussion group (men and women) which got into a debate on the priority of race, class or gender. 1 questioned, "Why do we have to argue the priority of one over the other?" They are so interrelated... ifs a very male question. One of the men attacked me on mat, and another man later apologized for the other's am&.

But it felt awful; I'II never forget it Maybe Cm overstating that one experience, but it was hard for me to regain confidence. 1 had never been attacked in a public arena. I've really had quite an easy time; 1 was either in a family or a department that let me be leader. 1never knew what it was like to experience attack.

Intellectually, 1 have confidence in myself. It's more a question of time and finding balance in life. As 1 get older there are achial physical limitations.

This social action job is not done and how do you manage to do the work in a healthy, cornfortable and a not-painful way? That feels like aie struggle. 1 need to work on finding a balancuuhich indudes regeneration time for me. There seems to be a constant tension between working on causes and sustaining my life (or this thing that seems more personal, whether it's my bodily health or family life or whatever.) Ifs a struggle to give myself permission to look after myself. 1 dont feel entitled. Responsibility was a sunrival tool as a child but now ifs a tool of self-destruction. If Itmove* responsible as an older person, IfIl burn out, or die. 1 know that 1need to indulge myself. Sometimes ifs just giving rnyself blank time. 1find that really regenerative. It is much like letüng the computer go down, 1 need to do that.

1use the word sou1 a lot. Ilove it. It has to do with feeling peace, a sense of king whole, but also a sense of king valued because you exist rather than for what you can do. It's easier for me to give that kind of compassion to other people than it is to myself. When I1mstruggling with letting myself be, Itell myself that if 1 can let a sbeet person be, I should be able to let myself be. I feel

1 have to justi@ my own existence. The sou1 is related to unconditional love. 1 was lucky because 1 was able to achieve as a child. So I got a lot of love, but 1 earned it all.

king in touch with your sou1 is having a safe place to feel vulnerable.

There are not a lot of places for that now. 1find Vanier's L'Arche movement

desperately moving. That word "deli~erable~~is now used for the worker. To me,

a worker is not the product, but always the pem. Student leaming, ab, is

moving people intellectually and in their soul. Sdenœ courses that let students understand the ecology or interdependence of Iife systems could be quite wonderful, but that does not fit in with our university's structural ideals.

For me, so many Black women have been incredible inspirations in representing very strong matemal figures, and also powerful women. So Black wornen have been models for me in a real, very positive sense.

Soul is opposite to everything that our world is celebrating right now.

There was a Ume when human potential movements had some credibility. Now, you could seIl human development on the grounds that you'll have more flexible worken able to cope wiai differing demands and cultures in the workplace.

Workplaces are not geared to respect people for their intrinsic worth. Jean

Shinoda Bolen (1996) talks about how the experiences of cancer, chronic illness and depression help us get in touch with our soul. Well, the good news is, depression is on the rise! A higher incidence means that more people are doing that sou1 search. Most of Our institutions dont see our wholeness. 1 think the world is designed for families to do this, but they are a reproduction of what's in society, so there's as much chance of getting it in a family as there is in a workplace. It's a real gift if youlre got it in a family.

If you give of yourself, in a lot of ways, ifs tiring. There was a price that 1 paid in ternis of energy and giving of myself. Some of the giving was pmbably that as 1was dixovering womanhood, 1was alço experiencing discrimination as a woman in [the university]. Now, 1 dont think anybody ever directed that to me pemnally. But as 1 represented a body of knowledge and practice that was woman-focussed, 1 was somehow part of an underdass. So as 1was coming to love womanhood, 1 also had to recognize al1 the ways in which ifs peripheralized, and that felt extremely painful to me. It doesn't seem to cost some other women that much. 1 think if you're very confident in your womanhood, then you can move into battle. 1 couldnt enjoy the fight.

Confronting those very different values hurt me too much.

1 had support and recognition from my colleagues but my experience was humiliating. Itls humiliating for me to have to make the case. 1 dont experience positive energy of 'the fight." It's humiliating that the world doesn't respect aiese things. That's horrendously naive, but 1 experience it that way, so that was part of the prke. If you do it as a man or a "lady" it works, but if you try to do it rwted in a different value system, it doesnt The "lady" has no investment in that. Barbara Amiel is a good example of a "lady". There is something about the incredible power of that system.

1 have an aunt that 1 visited in New York on my own for a week a age 12 or 13.1 had time with her and talked to her about a lot of things about life. 1 was introûuced to Buddhism from her but 1also talked to her about marriage and family and what 1obsetved. 1was pretty cynical about marriage and fmily. I would have said the same thing to my mother but she would have denied everything. My aunt didnt My aunt reaffirrned me in my perceptions of the world and 1'11 identify that as a sou1 moment as a child. That somebody took me seriously in pondering the world in kind of a deep way, engaging with my innermst reflections was really moving. merkinds of sou1 experiences would be feeling loved and coddled like a pet. One grandmother spoiled me and that remains a wonderful feeling. 1 didn't have to do anything for my step- grandfather, he just loved me. * In terrns of my family, 1 probably would have said Mat it was a ver/ egalitarian family, and that 1had a voice. 1 did have voice, but, on reflecüon, it wasn't a very egalitarian family. The sexism was subtle, and it took me a little age and experience to undentand it. 1 was able to use my voice and presence as a child as a way of getting the attention and are that 1 needed. 1 had a lot of power and influence. 1found a pleasant way of dealing with passive parents in becoming a fiimily leader as a child. In retrospect, it probably was too much responsibility, but it felt good. 1didn't know anything else. The void of leadership would be a scary thing for a child to fel. My farnily accepted me as a leader. I could write the script. It was a big responsibility and 1got a huge amount of confidence.

My parents didn't like children and that was anotkr thing that helped me grow up quiddy. My Merwas always there for me. 1 was veiy dose to hirn. My Merseemed like a void, but it was a tnisting, positive void; almost Buddhist in its simplicity. My mother is not empathie. So 1 sought mothen al1 over the place.

As 1 get older I think of this as sibling seeking. When I was 5 or 6 years old there was a liffle boy across the sbeet who was mentally disabled and 1 played xhool with him and 1 taught him. But 1 didn't play. 1 never had a stuffed animal.

1 got a doll as an adult. 1 used to create "self-directed learning projects". 1 hated reading as a child but I knew it was important so 1 would get up early in the morning and force myself to read. 1 did it diligentiy. I think 1 was under- stimulated. king grown up, dating early, and starting to ddnk-all that was allowed. So there was no childhood.

As a child 1 ieamed not to want ta be a mother. 1 was interested in a career-that's a man thing, and 1 was interested in king pretty, sexually attractive and marriecl-that was the "lady" part. It was 0. K. for me to be a man and a lady; that was part of my family culture. But to be a woman who might be lesbian- sexuality that is not male oriented, or, to find some pleasure in reproducing (like a mother)-those things were abbolutely taboo. 1 couldn't be a mother and 1couldn't be a child. My diildhoodlessness and my childlessness feel important. ThaYs a big los! Some of the gains are about creating family in the worlq>lace. 1 have this need to mother. 1feel conneded with a lot of children

1 know and abto children 1 can't name. 1do like mat native peoples' sense of al1 the children being ours. As l've gmwn older 1 understand king a woman. c The picture of a man and a "lady" feels very important to me. Ifs

Catherine MacKinnon, a lawyer feminist, who first wrote about this and it rang so bue for me. The liberal view of feminism, that ifs fine to ôe a man, (Mat is, competent, working in the work world, responsible, organized, unemotional-all those things) and a "lady". Ifs positive to be that way. You are a sexually attracüve female, you're heterosexual and you have a family. You're the kind of woman who does it all, the supnwornan. mats what 1 tried to do during most of my twenties. As a teenager, 1 took a science route and dedded on a nice helping profession that 1 would like doing. 1 thought 1 would teach, and aiat would combine nicely with a family. 1 didn't corne to tems with being a woman until I was in rny aiirties and forties. 50 for me womanhood is more sensual and biological. It embraces the notion of a freer sense of sexuality mat builds in lesbian relationships. So itts less namlydefined and less sodally acceptable. As a young woman, 1 was anti-motherhood. 1 could transcend womanhood by king competent like a man, and elegant like a "lady". But 1 was not to k earthy- breastfeeding, home birth-yuck! So, 1 had to leam womanhood later in my life.

1 am an anornaly with the social change piece because my fimily [of origin] would have thought of itself as apolitical. But, if I think about my extended family, 1 have a lot of role moâeîs. 1 have a great aunt who was a sufhgette, and my grandfather worîceâ his way through Yale Medical School and then looked after poor people in [a major Canadian city]. A sense of &al justice came from those stories of justice and caring. At home, those fàmily stories were told with respect* So 1 had role models, and they were put forward seriously. There was a sense of the bigger picture that had other stories. It's different when the immediate family is not the only &OF/ you know.

1 grew up poor, but three-fourths of my extended family are fàirly wealthy. There's something different about king poor when your family was once wealthy, and 1 knew if we were ever studc there was Unde Clarence or someone who could help. It's different from being poor and only knowing poor

Pople.

Logically, from what 1 see, I could fed hopeless. Despair doesn't have so much to do with my own life as with the world. 1 was feeling depressed around

1994-1995 and it was related to the Harris govemment, Rabin's assassination, and the Quebec referendum. 1 need to consbuct hop. 1feel my sense of hope is contrived, and, at the same moment, latiw9ys act as b4uqqh snmeb4tirg 13 poss~O/eI'd put it under contradictions. Maybe 1 can't understand what ghres me hop. In some ways it's the survivor in me. Ifs papartly what 1 learned at a vew early age; 1was entitied to speak and to ôe heard. So 1 have faith that everybody is entitled to speak and be heard. ThaVs the notion of faith in democracy. It reminds me of reading Viktor Frankl's book, MWf *rd, &r

Man~iip.what happens in your life doesn't matter but your response to it does. 1dont want to respond to what 1see as though horrible things are inevitable, and so 1 will always ad.

Profile Five: Kathyrn's Story

The fïrst time 1 met Kat-, she was sharing community development research with a group of colleagues. 1 was stnick by the innovative partnerships Kathryn forged in working with and for "psychiatric survivors." tnstead of assuming an expert position, she shared power with psychiatric survivors, who have traditionally been marguialized in society. Her equality-seeking work challenges the status quo of the mental health system.

The very expression "psychiatnc survivor" cm be coastnied as a contestation. It foregrounds the resilience and woundedness of individuals with mental health problems and simultaneously indicates the sysiemic sbortcomings of the psychiatric establishment.

1 was keen to have a research participant who was an educator with a mental health care practice focus.

Kathryn's profile is an edited and condensed account of her verbath interview response to the research question. The inte~ewdata thernselves provide cues for the shaping of the profile. Kathqm's belief that "it is important to cross the private and public dichotomy in research" requires that her experience be represented holistically.

Kathiyn stated, "If there is one word that characterizes the last 15 years of my life, it is contestation." Her strong identification and farniliarity with the research phenornenon is apparent in the storied &ta. Kathryn places herself in different subject positions within her narrative: She moves hmthe storyteller of a womaa's Iife, to the reflective teachedieamer, to the public voice of the social açtivist. The -der will note that certain featurcs of narrative development stand out in her stories: âisjunctive moments and the enacûnent of responsibility. The disjunctive moment is a the of conflict or trouble that leads to destabilization of conventions that might have fomerly ken taken for granted.

Kathryn risks the secwity of the familiar in order to advance equality through responsible action; "it is not a nameless destruction .. .it is the creation of alternative fomthat are more amenabie, more equitabie."

in addition to the narrative construction noted above, two additional theoretical fnuneworks emerged €rom Kathryn's own thinking: Bakhtin's (1989) dialogic imagination and Demda's (198 1, 1989) poststnicturalisrn.

Bakhtin is especially concerned with heteroglossia, "the word of another" (as cited in Richter, 1989, p. 725), because it shapes the "ideological becorning" (Bakhtin,

1989, p. 783) of a person. Ideological becoming is "the process of selectively assimilating the words of others" (p. 783). Hence, the expression of one's voice contains the echoes of many othen (Bakhtin, 1989). Kathryn seeks to create meaning by engaging in dialogic relations with psychiatric survivon about their everyday lives. Because sbe is interested in exposing exclusionary discourses and assisting those without a voice to fhd one, in essence, she poses Baichth's (1989) question, "who precisely is speakhg and under what cucumstances?'' (p. 782). While Bakhtin (1981) focuses on uttetances as they embody the dialogic relation, Kathryn's appmach focuses on interpersonal relationships more generally (Burbules, 1993). In the profile, her consciousness spans the discomfiting space between wanting to '"nt in" to a privileged, hieratic, externaîiy authoritative discourse and choosing a relationship-centered, contextualized, internally persuasive discome. Bakhtin's (1989) concern with meaning within the didogic relatiooship is clear:

When thought begins to work in an independent, experimenting and discrirninating way, what ktoccurs is a separation between hternaily persuasive discourse and authontarian enforced discourse, dong with a rejection of those congeries of discourses that do not matter to us, that do not touch us. (p. 785)

In the sarne way, Kathryn's discourse chaiienges institutionaiized meanings, opening them up to multiple meanings derived from her encounters with the consumers and providers of mental health services. Listening to self and others in dialogue contnhtes to the emergence of divergent voices (Bakhtin, 198 1). It tends to promote equality by decentering privileged authocitative voices in order to include voices that had been silenced (Bakhtin, 198 1). Bakhtin's love of cacophonous dialogue and contestation opens space for the emergence of creative, new possibilities as a consequence of bridging diverse contextualized lives. Kathryn's experience of working within the swivor movement enabled her to deconstruct and refonn ber own identity and to discover her unique contribution; it was an experience of great turnult and creative imagination.

Demda challenges Western epistemology and structurai thinking as sources of

"tnith." He asserts thai meanhg cannot be Iked (Derrida, 1981). Structuraiists maintain that language consists of differences (de Saussure, 1996). Demda, the poststructuralist, uses the tem dtflérance to refer to both difference and deferral. Derrida contends that meaning only exists in a referential way through the defemil of meaning and the reliance on difference for meaning. When binaries, such as nature and culture, are examined, the meanuig of each terni is found to exist only in inextricable linkage to the other. The constructed nature of binary logic shows the interdependence and iastabiiity ofeach term. Michel Foucault, another prominent postsûucturalist, views Western culture's dualistic reasoning as an expression of dominance and subordination, and fixedom as a disrnantling of systems of power (Richter, 1989). Similady, Derrida seeks to decenter

'bconventional tmth" and dispel the "reassuring certitude" of Western empincism and p hilosohy.

Kathryn describes herself as a poststmcturalist. Ln her work she deconsûucts the binaries of public and private, health and illness, personal and professional, and helper and helpee. Her approach rejects established certainties in favour of opemess, curiousity and risk. Kathryn becarne aware that she was willing to risk more than others; "1 ended up further out on a limb than most people were!" She offers a lucid account of her evolving sensibilities that gain momentum fiom her "enonnous desire for growth."

Kathryn is an independent community-based scholar with extensive experience related to comrnunity organizing, policy developrnent, advocacy work, qualitative research and education. She descriies her stories chronologically according to three phases of engagement: eady impact, direct engagement, and mediated engagement.

Kathryn describes the complexity of these stages in her own words. During the early impact phase she was nconstructing her professional identity within an organization.

"The trick of this phase was rather unexpectedly t'ïnding myself in an organization within which 1 could puMe my professional ambitions and develop my professional skills well beyond what 1 bad experienced as a clinician. 1 fell in love with national community organizing and was deeply committed to national poiicy development. At the same time,

1 met amivors and the impact of that was directly on this process of self-construction. As 1 coastnicted myseîfone way, they deconstructed me the other, raising questions about the power relations of professionals and survivors within se~cesystems across the country. So, 1 was both (be)coming and going at the same time!" She resigned hm her job that had been both wondefil and devastating. "1 resigned at the point when the critical mass of nwivor thought in my life was too much for me to continue doing professionai construction within the [organization]. i had too many questions and that was part of my leaving and the decision to pursue doctoral work."

Throughout the direct engagement phase Kathryn was mentored by fnends within the psychiatnc survivor movement and ber academic pursuits (doctoral studies) provided a background for that activity. At the rnidpoint of this intense phase, Kathryn expenenced a serious illness or breakdown. This phase ended with the rupture of friendships. "I fully intended at this point, on the road to recovery and having been betrayed politically and personally, to leave the mental health field and head back into less activist and more professional kind of work. 1 wanted to put everything and everyone 1 had been involved with behind me. In fact, this was a root period of a piece of work in a different direction, much less difficult politically and more accepted by the rnainstream. It was not a givm that 1 would continue working with psychiatnc Nvivors at this point."

The mediated engagement phase was an unexpected time of reldedication and relimmersion when she developed her own voice, a stronger voice. In her life and work, she also developed new strategies for engaging with survivors bat was moderated by past experience. This fînal phase of Kathryn's narrative nflects a more self-protective, cautious and buffered way of behg. "Part of the caution is living in a body that is no longer nomial, that carries the mernories of a time of breakdown, the scars of the direct engagement period when I cared nothing for my bodily experience, only for my politicai experience. 1 live now with much more awareness of my body and the caution is to protect my physical being from too much stress. 1 am not cautious about my stand on issues but 1 won? allow my views to compromise other parts of my Iife. I am standing on my own terrain now, not survivor termin. 1 understand very clearly where they an and what 1 can contribute but my own independence is crucial to me now."

In addition to the engagement phases, Kathryn descnbes her relationships with sipificant people during ber formative years in terms of her understanding of the present. The entire narrative reflects Kathryn's cornmitment to grow and her detennination to build a humanistic place to stand. Itulics are used to identiQ Kathryn's ongoing reflections about her previously tnuiscnied ûanscripts. c 1 would have to go badc to the shift that happened for me moving to

Toronto from Saskatchewan. Prior to that time, 1 wouldn't have considered myself to be besomne contesüng order. 1 was still struggling to see how 1 could fit in. 1 was trying to understand that field of knowledge [psychology] and to comply in the sense of trying to do it well. When 1came here 1 was just looking for a job and 1ended up going into the national office of the mental health association. 1suppose in any other decade that might not have been such an earth shattering experienœ because it is a very conventional organization. But in

1983 a democratization of the mental health service system was happening. So, 1 met people who were working explicitiy hma soda1 justice, social change perspective. They were the first people 1 had met who were working in that way.

1 was mentored by that situation.

Up until that point 1 had been trying to conslnict myself as aie expert, the professional, and I walked into a situation in which there was a move to deconstnid professionalism. It was jolting to be sitting across the table from people who had been diagnosed with mental ilIneses, as equals, as people who were simply exchanging information and points of view! 1 am probably still working with the same dynamic. What does it mean to sit across the table from someone who has been devalued? So fi-, it would have been my relationship with people who were contesthg psydiiatric authority and the hierarchical manner in which the system was organized. And their embodiment of a different way of king in the world; they were attempting to live relationships with people differenüy. Professionalism is very much to exclude the familiar, to exclude the penonal, to draw barriers around you.

1was profoundly exciteâ. 1 may never have another time in rny life like that 1hated weekends. 1would be Mt upright at six o'clock in the moming wanting to go to wok. 1 wanted contact with these people. 1 wanted to be engaged with the community organizing and policy development on a national sale that we were doing there. I was totally captivated by it. 1 loved the fact that it was national in sape. 1 had gmnup in a small town in the prairies. 1 had a wonderful four yean there; wonderful and also quite devastating.

A couple of things began to happen. I began to meet people who had been through the mental health system. One of the shattering things about that was to dixover that they were real human beings with real life stories and they were not deviant in the way that 1 had been instructed to perceive them as deviant. In fact, everybody had a different story, a rational story for why they ended up where they ended up. 1 began to hear those stories and they went very deep into me. Hearing those stories and knowing those people, my intellechial hmework began to corne apart. It was distressing because [Il felt that the ground had been ripped out from underneath [me] but [Il had nothing new to stand on. At tttat time, 1 was learning a different way of king female in the world; a more instrumental ferninine persona. Multiple things were going on at once through that time period.

[It was] quite terrifying, aireatening. It was a deconstruction of a whole identity and the early formation of someaiing different. So the ongoing relationships with psychiatK patients were very important to me. 1became familiar with their life circumstanœs: poverty, the impact of treatment, the impact of medication, the impact of joblessness, instability, poor housing. The lived experienœ of the mental patient was very tangible. It is the differenœ between understanding it ainceptually and living and breathing and king able to taste and fel it.

The other thing that was happening was organizational resistance. 1 had expected that the organization would have the same response to the issues and people that 1 did. Finally, there was a very bitter separation within the core team, and at that point 1 did resign. It was my first experience of betrayal Rom close colleagues, but not my bst The key learning that came out of it for me was that even though I had been encouraged, particularly by the women in the team, to take control of the project that 1 was directing, when 1 actually did that, there wasn't a tremendous amount of suppoit. 1 found mat whole experience extremely difficult because my new identity was half forrned and 1 felt booted out of the nest too early. 1 very desperately wanted the growth; I was an unwatered seed for so long. Even though it hurt, it was very important to me. 1tend to think of myself as a fairly amenable, consensual Mdof person. But, Mends have reminded me that 1 am actually a very radical person. Wherever 1go, 1 tend to stir things up. 1 do ask questions. Somebody called me the steel hand and the velvet glove. 1 had that push at work, and 1 dixovered that some people dont have it. It was a shodc to me that some people were protecting things more than 1 was. 1 ended up further out on a limb than most people were. 1 like to feel alive. 1dont like to feel dead. 1am here for a short time. I dont like mediocrity. 1 like to PUS^, although I am learning to temper it.

It's just so clear, so much of what 1 talked about has to do with relationships; 1 do see contesting conventional order as a process of relationship. c 1 made a critical decision to work for the psychiatrie survivor movernent as a way of doing research. 1 began to work with some of the key leaders in that movement; it was a lot of life storytelling, of abçorbing through the skni, bones, as well as in my mind. It was a layer of mentoring that happened hmthe grassroots. There were certain funcüons that I began to leam to do for them and writing was one of them. What we were doing was grassroots cu~culum development, although 1didn't realize it at the time. 1 was in the eariy pmœss of leaming how to write with and for a movement that was not my own. [I was] beginning to sort airough insider or outsiders issues, how to locate myself, what words to use; it was a very anthropological experience.

1 was in tremendous fiux for a nurnber of years. 1 began to be mamed in a very different way, with more autonomy and less symbiosis than before. If there is one word that characterizes the last 15 years of my life it is probably contestation. Breaking forrn. [It] felt like a tremendously creative priod of my life. 1 really hooked into what 1 could do well and how 1 could make a contribution. It is not a nameless destruction of form, it is the creation of alternative forms that are more amenable, more equitable.

mat's one of the tensions of my life; conforming and contesting. One of the things 1 stN wony about, actually, is the extent to which I dont contest.

There is a desire [for] that comfort that you had as a child living in the social relations that were there and not having to contest them. Sometimes 1 have the yeaming for some kind of peace, and certainly to be through the illness experïence which has gone on for 6 or 7 years. At the same time, 1 know that it is about coming inb a different understanding of gender, race, patriarchy- things that 1 can no longer be blind to. Once you know and feel how you are located with those aiings, there isn't peace of mind or health. So, 1 have acquired mesadness in moving oirough this. 1 had a wonderhl five years,

even though 1 became quite iil.

YouVa&Cdme what Ihad Co gii up /h tems of alMis mnhsîlhg andl

=id ''of rihdandmy "T/Mt war/pd/& bue. 1ww /h Wwawii a

hewrd when #em ww a suund and@htshow by ~e padiament hi7ihgs OIat

was rerrunthg &e hiaKy of Onaob. PPart of me was aught up ih &?k@/Y

&hg namlLed. AnobCIerpsrt ofme was mn~ousof who5 &/hg /eRout rm al

CIljd! albiSe bhe. It wou/d be nite ib justh a tOu/r&twiB9outhav/irg Co ck, &i3

mn&nt mü@u//ig:"Who$ /e& ouPand "Wlnwe am I/iI aNof &l"T/rere just

wen Y ve~manyphesof HE, Rand ~~rnfo/ti~my~~/andpo/i~~/

~ns/a~xii=Sa,at WOA

1 never was diagnosed so it never had a label put on my illness. Who

knows what they would have applied if they could have. But for me, 1 think it

was about leaving western Canada and becoming a central Canadian, leaving the

mental health profession and becoming an ally of the survivor movement, being

a liberal and becoming a post-structuralist, or king a misogynist and becoming

a feminist. All those things were in play through this time and one has a rigM to

have a physical response to that change!

When 1first became il1 it was dear that 1was the one who was btally

messed up. While [survïvors] had been through =me bad sMF, they pretty much had it together. 1 had suppressed a bemendous amount of emotion. And 1 found aiem very vital, emotional, honest people and 1thought, "What a god damn relief bat must be." 1just envied them tremendously for the advantages of their marginalization.

You have a right to have a physical response to dramatic change, and thats a piece that we miss in our apprwch to illness, body and health. Sex is important in the change process too; it has to engage your body as well as your mind,

The woman my family, my mother in particular, prepared me to be, was quite inadequate for the woman that 1 had in my mind to be. The breakdown period was like reaching the limit of that gendered reality. You do nurturance and support, seek security from men, and are compliant to male authority in whatever guise it appean as a way of protecüng yourwlf. Like a chrysalis cracking, 1 had reached the limit of doing a woman that way in the course of this work. If 1 wanted to think, develop a aitical analysis, and develop a politic which would take in what I had observed and felt and hown about the world, [then] I could not do that from inside the wornan that she had bled into my soul. 1 couldnt do that. And x, it has been this sbuggle ta grow anew. When 1 thhk about it, 1 am a really poor choie to be sotnebody who would contest authority.

1was raised to be compliant to authority, and 1 leamed complianœ well. 1 struggle with it to this day. But through this whole set of experiences and relationships, it is like coming into a knowledge of how to contest. 1 dont aiink you ever arrive and 1 know that 1 am really good at it now in çome places, and very prin others. 1 have gotten pretty good at it with the mental health stuff, because 1 have [been] steeped in it, and exposed to it. But, for example, when 1 step into a classroom, the whok tfiing is changed. [In one instance], the authority that a vocal, not tembly supportive male could exert was very difficult for me [when 1 was] trying to occupy a more authoritabjve position in a classroom. As a woman, to learn to transform [compliance] is a huge and uneven piece of work. 1 went airough the deconstruction process, the de- professionalization process, that is critical to changing the nature of the system.

Sometimes we hear about "great Canadians," like kne Callwood, who are characterized as politically conxious. I'm always so startied by that because 1 wonder, where are aie places Mat she's not politically consdous? 1 talk here about "1 learned compliance well, and 1 struggle with it to this day" and thafs true. Ifs absdutely me. Coming into a knowledge of how to contest is the best you can do. It's not a unifonn thing you can achieve.

One women said to me after a presentation, "How can 1 get to where you are without going through what you have kenthrough?" The point is 1 dont think you can! Once you have been trained to assume authority over a group of people within a bureaucmtic, pmfessionalized systemCthat becornes part of your identity, and if you are going b change how that operates, you have to deconsbuct that identity and replace it with something else. And that is the hard stuff, and it is messy and ugly. It's not a pretty business. Not many people want to hear that message.

ncem for tp)dng the Iiv- of women seriowlv wrs alwaw thrra for m I rernember my brand of feminism as king part of rny girihood. I was the girk' sports rep to my high xhool because competition for funds between male and female athletics was important to me. 1 remernber the pressure to be on the cheerleader team and 1 would have dropped dead to be seen in that litüe outfit!

My mom never came to see me play, my father did. 1 was aie outstanding female athlete for my xhool. One of the anges 1 have is that my mom is strong in suppotting the male rnembers of the family: differential treatment, differential attention. The way 1 become visible in that environment is to prepare a meal, dean something, or tend somebody. Suddenly, you are visible in these very constrained ways.

imwtc~ work thmuah The whole issue of fkiendship became critical for me. It wasnY me with my professional skills going into aiis movement to help them [psychiatric survivon] out because of what they were laddng; it became me as somebob/ who lad

The friendships that 1 had based my work on came apart. And that left me in a real quandary around how to reread friendship. There was no instant anmer. It was a profound thing to learn; you have to actually enter the fire, take the risk, make yourself vulnerable, be damaged. My capity to corne back from mat, to integrate it, is a form of privilege. My understanding of friendship became more cornplex. 1 know what the variables are now, more than 1did before. Some of those friendships have gone just deeper for me. 1 think ifs very difficult to ôe oppositional on your own. You neeâ-I need-convesaüon. 1 know that when I'm talking to my friend [Kate], for example, I actwlly hear my language difierently, because 1know that she is hearing it. So 1will catch threads of my own experience, places where things ring false, places that sound true; nt is] a different kind of incarnation, 1 suppose. These people [survivors] had become my fnends. 1 have leamed that 1 need to work with them on a contract basis. The contract relationship is a far cry from, " 1am the staff, 1 am the professional, you are the patient, and we hm the helper-helpee relationship." Now they purchase my services and if they dont like what 1am doing, they dont hire me. I think I became il1 as a result of beginning to do authentic work, of having the question about my own legitimacy go deep. The subjective deconstruction that was going on inside of me canY be addressed through books and papers, [it] has to be nurtured in a face to face relationship. 1almost developed a sutvivor persona; in meetings 1 still feel like a survivor, an outsider.

from the m1 a is ~romlvgqjpg to k mv most consrnt tom of m 1 went to the autobiographical form to write myself in as someone who was very clearly creating knowledge of a parücular movement The survivors' stories are always told very personally, very much from "1, " and 1wanted to replicate that form within academia which has historically rejected it So, I began to pracbice resistance myself, as well as observing or documenting it. I'm going to be present as a writer who's both thinking and feeling. 1anticipated more

[resistance] than 1 got; 1think it was intemalized more than it was extemal. The thing 1 leamed was that if others dont like it, thafs fine, but I'm not necessarily going to rewrite it In teaching, the right cu~culumand information is not enough. There is a liberal notion that if you get the right information out there, people will rnake appropriate changes; it takes so much more. It's very hard to change. It takes a big impact. My storytelling includes difficult things, but 1 wouldnt be telling the

&OF/ unless there was contextualized meaning that knit it together for me as something worth doing. Its not a victim story, not at all!

I've learned to separate out native or innate spiritual impulses from the religious conventions that 1 grew up in.

1 did get the notion [as a child] that we are al1 equal in the eyes of Gd.

What would that actually look like? [In] my family, you dont aise yourself above anybody else. Everybody has a place. Basic acceptance is something that 1 canied into my work with the survivors.

Personal relationships, friendships, and love were important in that change proces. Even sex was important. 1learned a lot from corning to the end of that period. Eveming changed: they changed, 1 changed. And my coming out the other end was not something 1wanted to do. Ws taken me two years to realize that the leaving is also important. I continue to do the work but 1 do it from more distanœ, as one part of a number of things, rather than as rny in- breath and my out-bmth. There are other roles for me; classes that 1should be speaking in, things that 1 should be writing, analysis that 1 shouM be maknig, which canY be done from a place of king so deeply steeped in what's actually going on. But it was a sad leave-takhg.

Cm at odds with some of the mon New Age stuff around heakh and illness, the Bernie Seigel stuff. 1 think you can do absolutely everything and still not make a jot of difference to younelf, physically. But the tranxendence, for mel came in plunging into what the experience meant, and how it might be a wedge to change both who 1was and how 1 behaved. The dominant discourse, people argue, is not constructed, Ys given, it's natural. And so another task is to demonstrate oie constructed nature of [it]. So, transcendeme was in the sense- making and definitely not in the outcome.

The shift in universities to larger classrwms, fewer teachers, distance education and the teacher contact by e-mail really bothen me. 1 know that you can do a certain kind of leaming in that diredion. But when you're looking at social sciences, or nuning, where there's contact between people, the . relationship between the teacher and the shident is aitical. Ifs the modeling- ifs more than a bansfer of facts, it's a way of being with people that has to have context. Because 1 think 1 leam in conversation. Itsdialogic. Ifs not just the exdiange of information, it's also an exchange of life histories. The people I've leamed the most from have been that way. Through dkking mysdf in their histow, sharing mine, creating joint histories together. And I really believe that's how change happens. 1watch it, at the community development corporation where I am right now. Itk so difficult to work there, so why do people do that?

They do it because the people that they're working with become important to them. Relationships that sustain them ... If you dont have that going, people dont stay, projects fail.

Profile Six: Lauren's Story

After 1 retumed to Harvard, 1 realized I no longer could continue the practice ofcarhg for individual patients when al1 the world's children were at risk. The nuclear anis race was almost out of control-launch on waming and the end of verification! 1 watched people in the Harvard labs pouring and repuring solutions into test tubes with such dedication to science and such conviction that 1 thought to myself, "What are you doing that for, when we won? be around much longer unless we al1 do something?" -Helen Caldicott, 1980 (1996, p. 189)

Lauren is a nurse activist who works with poor people, especially the homeless.

She was an appropriate candidate for my study because she has more than a decade of interdisciplinary experience working with marginalized people. She believes that each person ought to assume social responsibility that promotes justice. In particular, Launn believes that nurses, in ncent years, have not done their part, individually or collectively, to advocate on behalf of wlnerable people in society.

Lauren's profile is an abbreviated, verbatirn account of her experience of contesting conventional order to reduce inequities in health between the rich and the pr.1 have stnictured the profile to reflect the three intellechial concepts that were dominant in Lauren's description of her experience: problem-solving, social justice, and developmentaî evolution. Her systematic thinking reflects a problem-solving process that incorporates Iogic, priority setting and creativity into the formulation of problems. She advocates for the fair treatment of poor people by interdependently devising solutions to address their problems. She traces her personal-professional development in becorning a nurse activist.

A problem that is observed, informed by relevant information and judged according to possible actions is already on its way to being solved (Dewey, 1963).

Lauren's careful scrutiny of individual and social problems mimics this problem-solving process. Her knowledge of a wide range of health problems, openness to the perspectives of others, nonjudgmental presence with clients and cooperative approach to cornmunity development ensures that many interacting variables are included in her problem

formulations. According to Basadur, Ellspennann and Evans (1 992). problem

formulation progresses from being aware of the problem to fact hding and, finally, to a

conceptualization of its structure. Lauren recounts her problem formulation beginning

with the dispeliing of myths about the homeless, and advancing to a MIer

conceptualization of individual and group problems associated with poverty.

Lauren belongs to the Toronto Coalition Against Hmelessness. This group

obtained limited standing in a coroner's inqucst that was looking into the deaths of "three

homeless men who fkoze to death on the streets of Toronto last winter" (Piatkowski,

1997, p. 2). She describes the expenence of anendhg the inquest hearings and her

disappointment with the subsequent govemment inaction in relation to the five-member jury's recommendations. The jury recommended tbat more money be ailocated to

affordable housing, services be extended to include street patrol and a "mobile unit," an increased number of pmgtams for the treatment of alcohol abuse be developed, and hostel and hostel outreach programs be expanded (Piatkowski, 1997). John Seweil, a former Toronto mayor, reflected that the provincial conservative government's inaction bas a human cost that will be measured in an increased number of deaths among homeless people (Piatkowski, 1997). Lauren is committed to working with others to pnvent these deaihs fiom happening.

in 1998, the fiftieth anniversary of the univend declaration of human rights,

Lauren was a contributor to an impressive document: 'bHomelessnessin Toronto: State of cmergency declaration." The United Nations' Cornmittee on Economic, Social and

Cultural Rights considered written documents and oral evidence before it condemned

Canada for its inaction on poverty (Lawton, 1998, Al 1). In panicular, "Ontario was told its welfare rates are inadequate. The committee called its Act to Prevent Unionization a

Wear violation' of the U. N. covenant on economic, social and cultural rights" (Lawton,

1998, Al 1). The committee also expnssed alami that the Ontario govenunent

"proceeded with its announced 21.6 per cent cuts to social assistance in spite of claims that it would force large numbers of people fkom theù homes" (Lawton, 1998, Al 1). In the spring of 1999, the electorate returned this offending provincial govemment to power with a majority government. Concern for the plight of the poor and homeless remains an ongoing moral and legal concem of anti-poverty activists and concemed citizens.

John Rawls' (1971) book, A nieov oiJutzce, revolutionized twentieth century moral philosophy by abandonhg abstract questions unrelated to everyday lüe for a

''theory to establish the most fundamental principles that ought to govern a mody decent society" (Rawls, 1989, p. 254). This theory, which will be discussed in more detail later, establishes fahess for ail as the basic idea underpinning justice (Rawls,

1995). The pervasive utilitarian approach to ethics, with its concem for the good of the majority, is unable to account for a disadvantaged minority within a social order.

Lauren's beliefs resonate with Rawls' (1989) assertions in three significant ways: social institutions have a duty to be tàir to everyone; every person bas a stake (and sbould bave a voice) in justice as it relates to faimess; and, in limited circumstances, the citizen has a right to engage in civil disobedience. In one instance, Lauren chose to disobey civil authority. The reader can decide whether Lauren met the three conditions that Rawls

(1989) outlines for the justification of civil disobedience:

when one is subject to injustice more or less deliberate over an extended period of time in the face of normal political protests; where the injustice is a clear violation of the liberties of equal citizenship; and pmMded that the general disposition of protest similarly in similar cases would have acceptable consequences. (p. 266)

Likewise, Rawls (1989) enjoins the ruling majority who abuse their power and authority to be responsible for correcting actions that justify opposition.

tn conclusion, Lauren descnies her life cycle evolution as a social activist. A ftamework that relates to ber development is the stage theory advanced by Edcson and

Erikson in 1950. Joan Erikson (1991) elaborates on the middle adulthood stage of

Generativity versus Stagnation; generativity entails "the maintenance of the world" (p.

124) and stagnation refers to times of uainvolvement required for remating self. Vital participation in the ta& ofcommunity building requins periodic repudiation of involvement in order to garner the personai energy needed to maintain physical and emotional heaith. Erikson (1991) wam that intense cmitive, caring efforts often lead to an overextension of generativity tbat requires a stagnation response for sudval; "some uninvolvement and reco~oiteringin the service of self-recreation" (p. 124). This time out afTords an opportunity to monsider priorities that include self-care pnor to recomecting with work and others. Lamn's süuggle sheds light on the dynamics of this developmental process.

ould 1fjyid work with homel~pledi- pnd~ cnouan2 1 fell into antipoverty work accidentally. 1 had my own classist values and

1 never wished to ôe worknrg with homeless people. The idea of seeing 99%

men, no children, no babies, few women, didn't appeal to me. 1 had big

questions about whether I could do it, whether 1 would find it diverse enough,

interesthg enough, but once 1 was there, my whole life changed. Dramatically!

In the initial yeao a million myths were dispelled from my head. 1leamed a lot

and still do. 1was sure that al1 1would be doing was foot are. Clinically, 1 was

surprised that people would aime in pregnant, needing birth control advice, and

with minor episodic or debilitating chronic illness. We had one person waiting for

a kidney transplant who couldnt afford the batteries in his pager. Every health

problem you see in a farnily practice?you see in homeless people.

It is astounding how little people cornplain given their circumstances. We

buried a 31-year-old man on Tuesday that 1have known for 6 or 7 yean. He

was blind, in a wheelchair and he had penonality plus! Years of homelesmess contributed to his health problems. There are so many people Iike mat. The damage that is done to somebody's self-esteern, spirit, and mental health by chronic homelesmess is shdng. There are major wncrete ways to prevent the pain, suffering and death of people and nurses know the solutions.

1fclt unwemred to do adv- and wlitical worû with the homelm What appealed to me was a strong nuning mode1 within a flatter health care structure Mat was not dominated by a board of directors, an outside hospital or physicians. I was interested in being a generalist nurse with an advocacy role. An obstacle to doing advocacy and pditical work with the homeless was Bat 1 felt unprepared. I had a special prhrilege to work with community worken and to learn from them. My understanding of the political landxape and my role in change is clearer now. 1 work in this obSer mddthat is cut off from and shunned by society; people are denied everything from respect to common good. People lrapped in this world have so much talent, fight, imagination, creativity and personality. Initially things shock you-some people have not eaten al1 day and othen slept outbde-then they become background.

It is not a conventional kind of nuning. Encounten happen al1 the tirne. If you are desewing, you are respectecl and a special relationship happens; that relationship has dangers because of the power imbabnce.

1 had a [baaalaureate] student nurse last fall. He was fantastic. He came with me one day when 1 saw a patient who was having diarrhea, and no vomiting. 1 knew that the &tubdie CoMpmgram had just starteci that week. 1 asked, "Where did you stay last night?" He told me that he had stayed in the tht of~e Cddprogram, w I asked Mm, "What did you eat?" This happens when people start getang this rich food. 1ruled out other things, but 1 knew. It's a different kind of nuning; Sm losing certain skills. On the other hand, 1 realize 1 am getting fi&-hand intensive training on the spot in this whole other area. 1 enjoy working with students and 1would be interested in teaching these skills in a multidisciplinary course.

ut how we a&vowlaQPe our wwqt

I think about the power imbalance a lot. As much as 1 can, 1 am involved in not holding that power. 1 use my power in fighting for people to get them what they deserve. If 1 am doing something public, like moderating a press conference, 1 insist that [the speakers are] not al1 male and that one of the speakers is homeless or formally homeless. When we are planning and organizing political sbategies, we adviowledge Our power, and ways that we can use it to put forward homeless people's agenda and to mmake it safe for them to be there. At times, homeless men and women get a chance to demonstrate their own Fer.

The coalition building mat happened a the "freezing deaths" inquest was a first of its kind in Toronto; a coalition of 28 organizations got standing at the inquest. [The Coroner's inquest into the freezing deaths of Bree homeless men resuited in a ~UF/verdict and recommendations to prevent further wrongful deaths.] It was one of the biggest leaming experiences of my nuning life. At one point, 1 had to put out a cal1 for more nurses because people were coming to the inquest who were homeless, pregnant, or sleeping outside. My role was attending to people's needs. We hireâ a lawyer and met with the coroner to tell him why we should have standing; 1 was preparing witnesses, even stepping in one day when our lawyer wasn't there to act. 1 would go home and write a nightiy newsletter that went out to thousands of people, including aie United

Nations. We worked on major adrenaline that whole summer! It twk its toll; one person ended up with meningitis, and nearly died. It taught us al! a lesson.

1knew 1had t~

CKtelevision calleci me at home on Sunday to get my response to a man found dead of the cold. 1 was on my way to the gyrn and literally thinking, "It is really cold out, 1 hope no one dies." I said, "1 will find out who can do the interview," but first I went to the gym because 1knew 1had to. 1 did an hour of cyding as hard as 1 couM. I was so angry that this man had died. When 1 came home 1 felt like 1 could continue. The hct that 1 knew 1needed to go to the gym was almost a fi&. 1am beginning to leam about self-are. 1think the biggest grief in mis work is the pain we see and the political and bureauaatic obstacles that are there to prevent solutions. 1told a metro politician aie news about the freezing death of a homeless man. To make it political and public we worked up a press release, called other coalition people for an emergency meeting, and called a press conference at the place where the man was found. We told the sbry and put political pressure on the province. We did a major appeal to the city's Cold Weather Alert Team, given this man had died, to do the next tier of alert which was opening up the armories. Making stories public can lead to political decisions that will help people.

1 was incredibly disillusioned by the Coroner's Act process. This was the six month anniversaiy of the Homelessness inquest verdict and so little has happened! 1 feel surrounded by death. Unnecessav deaths! We had al1 these deaths in the last hivo weeks. So 1wrote this open letter to Mike Harris [the premier of Ontario] from my hearl. [Excerpts] "1 have seen in real, human tens what makes people unhealthy: isolation, poverty, not enough food, inadquate housing," and, "Central to the solution is valuing human life and putting resources into efforts that value men, women and children." There are forces merging together in terms of concemed citizens groups and coalitions like ours.

We are a small coalition but we are pretty powerful! in events thlf anris& Increasingly, 1 am choosing (it is partly a moral decision) to take part in events that are too risky to &e pait of rny work. 1 was removed from the legislature last week by senirity guards. There is a history to it. We went to the

Minister of Housing for the fourai time to deliver the inquest verdict and to ask,

"What are you doing about this?" The next day we briefed the housing critic and that led to a fantastic couple of minutes of questioning around the government!~ culpability of inaction. At the end of it, 1 yelled out "Shame." 1 know the rules. 1 didn't plan it. It was an ernotional response. That was risky. There are issues specific to this cumnt political regime. In one agency the minutes of staff meetings are reviewed by provincial funden to see if there is any anti- government discussion. So people are being very careful.

If you look at nursing history there are incredible examples of antipoverty work. Wonderful stories! 1 dont like the oppressecl group theory about nurses; nurses have to take responsibility for weakness. We've ben too cautious, nursing bodies have been too cautious. Nuning is so silent and conforming. 1 dont feel particubrîy hopeful about nursing in Canada. There are times when we're responsible for letang horribk things happen. Thats a moral and ethical issue. How do you get nunet prepared to advocate and do political and community organizing over the long haul? There are few jobs that allow [nuises] to do that kind of work. There are things that 1can say that will get heard because 1am a nurse and people respect the things 1do. 1can speak out about a men's hostel in a way that is necessary whereas there are severe repercussions for men needing that service if they speak out. They can be barred, brutalized, and banned fnnn ever corning back in.

1 am involved in [a hospital's] reorganization to an integrated delivery system. We have to change our mindset about addressing issues in the community in an appropriate way. 1 said to them, "1 dont want another bus coming out on the streets for homeless people. We need to talk to homeless people and find out what they want. They may want to access services in the hospital-not on a bus!"

The biggest thing for me is that when you confiont conventional order, there are dangers ...not to scare people away. You suddenly becorne very public, and open for criticism. It involws criticizing authorities, and that's scaw It makes me uncornfortable, but 1'11 never stop doing it. I'm not going to rebeat in a shell. The biggest challenge is-how cm 1 keep doing what 1 want to do, and what Cm good at, yet teach, train and support other nurses to take the risk? If you're doing a clinic with poor people, food is a basic component, Feed thern and they wilt come. If it was 1920, we wouldnt be having the argument.

Public health deparbnents knew the connection between nutrition and

[tubercuiosis] TB. in this politicai ciimate we have to iobby for the food, bus tickets and entertainment. People live mis daily existence in drop-ins so letk make it rewarding for them.

We were often invited to do clinics by an agency or a cornmunity. We expiored the request, met with people [service usen and providers], and eventually got to know what the health issues were. When we did set up a clinic we were ready to evaluate it. We began doing conflict resolution with the housing managers because complicated housing problems were affecting people's health. That organization hired community and economic deveiopment staff to do housing work, and we werent needed anymore. That is a good outcorne!

I'm lucky. I can open my daybook and create my day. Throughout the day 1 may deal with 15-20 health pmblems. Ifs hard because sotnebody wiil tell you one &OF/ and another pemn will intempt and tell you that [she] just missed her period. There's not a lot of privacy. The best thing 1can do in my day is to come fresh and with energy. It takes a tremendous knowledge base, including community organizing and development. Ifs dear b me what 1do when someone tells me A, BI C or DmSome situations are complicated. 1 saw a woman today that 1 had never met before who had frostbite of her hands. So it was simple: look at her hands, dedde whether she ne& a referral, get her gloves and find out where she's going to sleep tonight*

In nursing, the concept of political action is foreign. To me, iVs a way of life. Social responsibility is part of king human. Political adivism can take many shapes and forms: a breakfast program for children, a child poveity action group, and a donation of money. There's so much neeû. Health care is political

in ternis of hierarchies, access, power, how dollars are allocated, who owns and operates it. Nurses need to develop worldviews that emphasize caring, equity?

and justice, and then act on that, at least in our professional lives. Within our work lives there has to be accountability to the world situation. It will necessitate conhonting authority given whatk happening in health care right now. I've had

nursing faculty say to me "Are you süll marching?" That comment is trivialiu'ng;

they see it as radical, crazy work that fits my penonality. It pains me the way they see [nurse activists] like me. Wefre labeled. Nurses say that 1 do good work

in a way that puts responsibility away from themselves. Ifs not something they

would teach or encourage or ever do themselves. Yet ifs sophisticated work that

needs b be learned and taught in nursing xhdsbecause it is how you

influence power. There are ways to involve nurses with very traditional views in

things they care about, whether Ws a- to abortion or home support for

seniors. Ifs a chance to leam the skilk and b do it. a diffemneez 1 had a delayed reaction to the death of a homeless Chinesenadian man and an accumulation of al1 the deaths; 1had to take a medical leave. All the talk about my work [during the interview] made me think more about it. Until recently, I've always managed to work with people in great suffering. 1dont pretend to share their worîd. My work is political, anti-poverty work. It is hard work. People doing this work now are up against enormous challenges. It was an unsettiing period for me because for the first time in my life 1 had no energy to think about work. 1was cving al1 aie tirne. 1wasn't depressed-it was clearly a grief reacüon. My workplace was incredibly supportive. 1had to get away from woik, poverty and homelessness and it was difficult to do because of that broken line bebveen my work and personal life. Two weeks away made me feel better.

Your point of talking to me was about challenging conventional authority, and it was strange for me to be in this space where 1 couldn't do it, 1 couldnt even think about it. Thats al1 changed, 1 had a good dear break. I feel healthy and sane and strong again. For a couple of months I've kenfeeling vulnerable and intensely drawn into a lot of horrible happenings. 1 had to step ba&. So, I'm not madly going from morning 'till night anymore. I've protected my xkdule. Tm king careful and gentie with myself. It felt good to give responsibility b other nurses and doctors,

We hold inquiries about homelessness and death at leart once a year. A panel of esteerned people hear tesümony and evidenœ that translates into usehl recommendations for policy change that goes to every level of govemment fiom the board of health to city council.

As things get meaner and leaner we have to figure out more creative ways to confront conventional order. Sometimes it can be fun, and it involves plotting. Last year we got $600,000 in emergency funds hmMetro to prevent further horneless deaths. It was masterrninded in that one person talked to every councilor, 1 used connections to embarrass the New Dernomtic Party caucus (they were proposing $130, UOO), and we called the press. Using the media is a theatrical event.

1 was the only girl and the oldest of four children. My mother and aunt are vew comptent women. My dad was exceptional as a male in that en, cooking dinner or feeding the kids. 1 was the apple of rny parents' eyes and also of my hivo sets of grandparents. My grandfather was my soulmate. He never thought badly of anybody and he was very open and caring. 1 have a special spirit fmm my grandMer. He was the only NDPer in our entire family. Being a girl, 1 was sodalized to look for approval extemally, to be gdand to be quiet.

That affect4 me because 1was a happy and healthy kkl, but incredibly shy and withdrawn. 1 was terrified about speaking in public. I would get physically ill. 1 am not sure when it began to change, but, for sure, it didntt change in nuning school! 1found diploma nursing schd horrible. Later, in women's studies courses, for the fist time, 1got positive reinforcement of my writing and thinking. So as [my] confidenœ built, 1 became clearer about who 1 was.

The Helen Caldicott film, "If You Lowe nikHane4 "was absolutely the turning point for me. She had an incredible drive and commitment to identify injustice and to say she was not going to stand for nuclear war. It wasn't for henelf, either; it was for the children. What drew me in, as a nurse, was being a mother. The response to me speaking out on nuclear disarmament was interesting. To this day, people are thankful when myself or another nurse speaks out on issues. Over the yean people have said to me, "If you know what you're speaking about, you'll be fine, " and I've discovered that's true. The confidence is in knowing what you have to offer.

As a young nurse, 1 was intimidated by people in authority and 1 felt very contained. 1 began to experience things in a different way when 1 was slowly inboduced to social justice. 1 had some great role models: physicians, nurses.

Lwt year was my fint year in the legal world of inquests. 1 went into that process king intimidated by coroners and lawyen. Now I am rot intimidated by either. 1 am still intimidated by the police and 1 deal with that group regulady. I feel lucky that oppottunities and experiences led me down a path of being a nurse in this field, because 1am totally driven by Fpassionately! Passion is something 1 feel, and I'm sure Vs connected to spirituality, but ifs hard to define. Hope is a good connecter; its a great one! 1 hate the word boundaries. Boundaries are about protecting yourself and not gening too close to clients. It is class-based. 1have boundaries that protect my personal life. But the issues 1 think about in rny work, 1 tbkabout in my private life [too].

Fnends 1 work with are Wends in my private life, so there is this huge [overlap] and it feels good 1 don't know if you can teach a heart comection. I think you bave to experience it, through your life and work. 1 was always a good nurse, but 1 was inexperienced. The heart connection is more like having pain or joy in your heart about their circumstances or struggles. Sometimes you feel especially connected with some person or group. One woman, who's native, that I've known for years, has indicated that she likes and trusts me. Over the years she's prostituted, had babies, and she's always known 1 wouldn't judge her harshly or be mean to het. She joined us recently on a demonstration weekend. It was quite joyful to see her there and she was proud about it.

Prolle Seven: Leah's Story

There was a wave of excitement among community service educaton when Leah introduced the training program for seniors that she had developed. The grouponented program was designed to foster the simultaneous growth of personal empowerxnent and peer support among seniors.

I invited Leah to take part in the research because her anti-ageist work redresses the oppressive approach frequently adopted by health service providers toward the elderly. Often seniors' vast potential and resources are uuacknowledged and they are thnist into a dependent mode. What was Leah's experience that prompted her to foster partnerships between professionals and older adults in the commMity based on relatioaships between equals? How did she think this program would benefit people?

How did her story evolve from the germination of the idea for a program to promote empowerment among seniors, to its development and implementation? And, as Leah noted to me, I chose participants for my research who attracted me. Leah's openness, curiosity and enthusiasm appealed to me. 1was confident that her stories wodd provide me with yet another example of emancipatory education.

Leah is an affluent Jewish woman who prizes situated knowing: she gains knowledge and wisdom through the experience of living. She positions herself within a

Talmudic tradition that values dialogue between generations, and with self and others.

Her knowing (consciousness) about the meaning of her life work evolves in a manner that is similar to Han's Selye's ethic of altruistic egotism. As an adult educator, Leah descnâes perspective transformation as a way of helping ourselves to construct meaning in our lives. The Talmudic method, the ethic of altniistic egotism and perspective transformation will be introduced briefly as a prelude to Leah's profile.

Talmud, meaning "leaming" or "study", refers to classical rabbinic discussion of the ancient code of Jewish Law. The purpose of this rabbinic commentary is to question and to ask "'why' and 'why not' of the Bible's stories" (Rosen, 1994, p. 13). The

Talmudic cornrnentary "invents alternative aspects of chamter and event, keeping all possibilities alive, in contrast to the Bible story, which allows only one" (Rosen, 1994, p.

13). The use of this method promotes openness to alternative possibilities, imaginative freedom, respect for others, sensitivity to tirne and place context, and tigorous debate about meanings (Rosen, 1994). Within this religious tradition, intcinsicness or personhood is a centrai feature: "Service to Torah can make no woman and no man into a thing of servitude" (Ozick, 1994, p. 93). Each person has intrinsic value and worth.

Intriasicness, as an ethical precept, bas been part of the spiritual consciousness of Jewish civilization since it was recordai in the book of Genesis that the human person is made in the Mceness of the Creator (Ozick, 1994).

Leah's approach emulates the Talmudic method. Her anti-ageist work relies on an interactive group process that promotes self-discovery and seif'iüsclosure among al1 participants. She models the learner role in the group by valuing diversity, and encouraging reciprocity and openrnindedness. Leah also explores, out loud, ber thinking as it relates to equality issues such as the equality of women. She posits her opinion at the same time as she opens space for altemate views. There is a tentativeness about her perspective because it remains open to ongoing conversation. Her conclusion is that women and men are different and should endeavor to achieve equality on this basis. Her consideration of equality for women reflects her capacity to argue with self and others to arrive at viewpoints that hold persona1 meaning within her life context. She traces a consciousness of her intrinsic worth, and the realization of the importance of relationships with others, to a cohesive family network.

It was Hans Selye's (1975) chenshed hope that the case of alüuistic egotism, derived fiom the biological sciences, would become the guiding principle for human ethics. He believed the motive for human enterprise ought to be "eam thy neighbor's love" @. 5). Innate selfishness is appmpriately expressed by acting according to one's natuml talents and honing thern in the service of others. Guiit feelings about self-cented acts are assuaged by the knowledge that benefits accrue to othen. Even altruism can be egotistical because it "eagenders gratitude" (p. 53). Thus, Selye (1975) asserts that cooperative and mutuaily supportive groups and nations can ernerge hman ethic of altmistic egotism. Selfishness and altniism are not conüadictory forces (Selye, 1975).

Leah expresses similat sentiments about her authentic life work, "1 don't thuik it is bad to be selfish. Obviously, 1 think that we make the world a better place if everybody 'cleans up' their own littie corner-that makes hem feel good, and that extends to others."

Perspective transformation is an approach to adult education that challenges social, cultural and psychological habits that constrain rather than facilitate meaningful persona1 change (Mezirow, 1991). Mezirow (1991) makes a distinction between instrumental and communicative leaming. Instrumental learning pertains to scientific and technical knowledge, while communicative learning focuses on explonng and explainhg the meaning of experience. Some communicative learning processes that promote a msfomed perspective are nflecting on life's meaning, exploring the socio-cultural foundation of problems, relying on dialogue to gain new insights, extemalizing

"psychological" problems, and acting in accordance with new consciousness (Beck,

1993). Perspective transformation advances an integrated worldview of knowledge as compared to the hgmented knowledge of a single discipline or subject. Leah celebrates integrated knowledge: "A Jewish woman gave a talk about the book of Ruth using sociological, philosophical, and literary references, woven back and forth. It was a masterpiece." Her parnits warned her against king an "educated fool" who relies solely on instrumental leaming discomected from life. Leah recognizes the opportunity that a perspective transformation approach cm offer." Women, especially seniors, think that it is bad to think of yourself We have to help people see the self, and the meaning of self in different ways."

Ihave never labeled my work anti-ageist but it strikes me that it is. My struggle for equality in general has made my work come out that way. The seniors' program Ideveloped was based on the human growth movement of the

60's in California. Seniors were disadvantaged in the sense that society (they) didn't see them as good candidates for learning; everybody thought older people couldn't change. (Idon't always believe what i/eysay, whoever Heyare. I wonder a lot about things.) Inthe 60's, it was the youth culture; if you were over 30, you were dead. Over the years, people have said to me, 'Why don't you do this program for younger people?" Isay, "When we started there were programs for younger people but [not] for older people." That is how it got triggered. The issues are different because of age, but the process is the same.

Part of the success of the groups may be because seniors are not made to feel different.

The bottom line of the program is to help people see, understand and value themselves so that they can see, understand and value others. Diversity is so important We try to help people in the group see that they can disagree and be different and that is, in fact, very valuable. We think we have to agree with everyone and we dont. Groups are wonderful because you reflect things you might not have dredged up on your own. There are more women than men. 1 cal1 the men that stay in our program The great men of the world" because it hasn't traditionally been a man's thing to talk like this.

1 did a focus group in [small town Ontario]. Their self-esteem tests had gone down after the program. 1 asked thern what they thought. They said,

"Well, my husband died in the middle," and ...other circumstances. 1 said, "But look, the scores went down: do you think that the program was rot valuable because of that?" They proceeded to tell me how valuable it was. The graph didn't show it, but people felt better and their expectations were changed.

Working with groups of seniors is selfish because 1 always come out ahead personally when 1 work with seniors. When you hear people's stories, you become a different person; there is a perspective transformation. There is a constant growth.

Dorothy had taken the program modules to become a senior peer helper after she retired ftom her job as ofïice manager. At that time she knew how to get a job done but, [interpersonally], she was quite bristly. She leamed to Iisten carefully and to use skills to open up conversation. When her minister found out about her new abilities as a fadlitator, she became a oneto-one caçeworker for eight people in her church. She di4 last spring aftet many pmductive yean as a senior peer helper. The eulogy at her funeral was about this transformation after her retirement. Her stepdaughter believed that she would never have had a close relationship with her without the program, while her husband said, "1 dont know if we would have been able to stay mamed if it hadn't been for the program."

One of the people that Dorothy helped was a woman whose husband had died a few monais previously. Dorothy invited her to attend a peer support group, and in fact, she drove her to the first two sessions. The woman attended but did not speak during those sessions. For the third session she came on her own and dedared to the small group, "1 got here myself today. I nearly died a thousand deaths, but 1 took the bus myself." She began to partidpate more. She stooâ straighter and looked more alert. One day someone commented on her beads, and she said, "My daughter gave them to me for my biraiday last year. 1 thought I'd never Wear them." On the last day she said to one of the leaders,

"Thank God for this course. It saved me. I didn't know what to do! I was considering doing something drastic to myself." Apparently this woman had been shut in for 6 years nuning her husband with Alzheimer's disease. Dorothy, with her new awareness of peer helping, was able to direct her toward a re-entry into life and living. The program provides seniors wilh an opportunity for growth and new directions. It is a model that is both acceptable and appredated by older adults* A powemil team of confident seniors emerge to promote and maintain good mental health; the community is enriched by this invaluable resource. Sometimes 1 walk into a group, like in "Timbuktu, " and 1think, "How am

I going to spend a whole day with these people? What do we have in cornmon?"

After twenty minutes it unfolds. 1 get swept away with these marvelous people. lïmbuktu look different, but it never is. There is reciprocity. 1 am growing and conxious of it. 1 am open. 1 articulate, to the best of my ability, if 1 get a eureka

Rom somebody. It is a gift, but it is also a gift to tell aie pemn that [Il have gotten that eureka. It is very energizing and important. A eureka for me is a perspective transformation; something happens and 1 see things in a different way or 1 am different. That is the moment of growth, of change. IL is wondemil and we build on it. Everything in the sdentific world is valued. we're] loddng at a different way to accumulate knowledge and become who we are.

As an educator, 1 tF/ to help people value what they know, and 1 want them to know that they are valuable. Age, education and disability dont limit people for me, as long as 1 can find a way to connect with them. 1 canY find a way to connect with everybody, which is always a shock to me! Ifs a huge disappointment, because Lord knoM 1hy!

Intertwined, at the same time as the program development, 1went to find bld people" for my doctoral thesis researth. I intervîewed people in theîr 60's (1 was in my Ws).When 1 came back hma s~alledinterview, I'd tell my husband, "1 had the most wonderful conversation with so and so, but she is not old." Then Iwould interview people in Meir 70's and 80's and the same thing would happen. They were ordinary, wonderful people in the community, so each time 1 would say, "Well, they aren't old." The people 1 interviewed were changing and growing. Al=, there was a wide age range of people in my life. 1 liked people because of what or who they were and 1 didn't make age divisions.

1 have always been attracted to a wide range of friends in ternis of age, or wcioeconornic background. 1 learn more from people when we arent al1 the same.

It was crucial for me to grow and to learn al1 the time. 1 learn the most from people, and 1 sought out diversity. I studied sociology in the 1950's. We were a small group of weirdoes in sociology; Iloved every weirdo and 1 was one of them. 1 learned from everyone.

1dont like to aiink that 1am a person who wants to save the woild, but 1 probably do. 1have always been a dogooder. What does it really mean to be a do-goder? My recent thinking is that it is selfish in a good sense. Selfishness makes me want to save the world because it makes me feel good. It is crucial to have an understanding of self to be selfish. Going to the baseball game does not make me feel good; sometimes it does if they ever hit the thing. Savîng the world makes me feei good. So, 1dont think it is altruistk, it is selfish. 1 remember the fint time 1 was sbudc by the notion, love aiy neighbour as thyself; if you dont love yourself then you cantlove your neighbour. 1 remember thinking, "That is really quite an unbelievable thought." It took me years to see it that way. 1 dont think it is bad to be selfish. Obviously, 1think that we make the world a better place if everybody 'cleans up' their own liffle corner-mat makes them feel good, and that extends to others." A lot of women, especially seniors, think that it is bad to be selfish, to aiink of yourself.

We have to help people see the self, and the rneaning of self, in different ways.

For me it has been an integration of the pemnal and professional. How can you work professionally without integrating your pemnal self? There are people who go through a day of work and then corne home and their life is quite different.

You couldnptdo this work unles it was authentic. c In [a small Ontario town], a woman runs a group that people love, and she does no selfdixlosure. Her self doesnt change when she runs groups. Her group will go as far as she will go. When facilitaton run groups as peen and as equals, they can really change and grow in the process. It is complernentary when you walk as you talk; the level of dixoveiy is diwerent. We al1 have so much to discover! If you only go an inch, it is beüet than nothing, but imagine if you can go 3 or 8 inches deeper with a person or group. People won%becorne as engrossed with each other or in their own growth if fadlitators dont do their own self-exploration and selfdiscovery. We have different relationships with al1 our friends, with al1 of the people in our lives. So, we share different things and we get dues hwn each other about where we will go; that happens in a group too. 1 don't find it hugely different to be working with senior's groups.

1 don't see myself as fortnally contesting conventional order, because 1 am a peson who needs to fit in, to feel grounded. 1 need community, but I am peripheral in every community that I am in. I need to feel that 1am not swallowed up. [Being on the periphery] means to me that 1 rernain free thinking.

If 1 am with a group that is extrernely social, 1 love to be social. But if 1 am only doing that, 1 feel terrible boredom. 1 love to be in the intellechial community, but

1 get my nails done because 1 need oiem to be nice. 1 am in a variety of communities. When you are swept away by conventional order, you become namw and [stop] growing. If you are not imperfeb, you are mainstream in these communities and you stop the search and struggle. Stniggling keeps us alive. If you are mainstream, you lose a sense of what the options are. If you don't have options, you dont have choice. Choice is important.

The term politically correct doesn't make me happy. You can train people who have never internalized differenœs to say new jargon correctly. It is a cover up for dealing with important issues. I dont become equal in your eyes because f am called a chairwoman. 1dont get upset if wmeone calls me a girl. 1happen to agree that people are equal, and different; equal is not the right word. Maybe we have to go overôoard and make it into a fetish in order get to the real issues.

The argument becomes the wrong issue.

In present day Judaism, many women want to be equal. One of the interpretations is that for women to be equal, to be the same as men, they must do the same aiings. For some people that works, but for me it just doesnt work.

1 can do the same as a man and süll not be seen as equal. 1want to be equal. 1 am prepared to do different rituals because 1dont think that men and women are the same at all. There are Mme things that men cannot do that women can do better, and that is what they should be doing. A lot of people dont agree with that. 1 think there is much that needs reinterpreting in Judaism around this issue. 1 gueo you have to start wiai the superficial in order to get new concepts and behaviour integrated. The idea of political correctness is about moving toward equality. The feminist movement was good for raising consciousness about equaliv and labeling was a way of king politically correct. Can a pemn be so diffise, or should each penon do a different thing so that it becomes something collectively?

There is a parable in kdaism that you are ôom with the whole Torah (a metaphor for al1 knowledge) in your head. An angel lo'sses you between your lip and your nose and makes that liale dent. The knowledge k süll in you but you have to spend the rest of your life restoring it. We are receptacles of knowledge and wisdom that cme badc [in] the experience of living. My thesis was about this stmggle to make meaning in one's life. 1 used the person intenriewed, my interpretation of what she said, and Jewish text. There are layes of how 1make sense of things and how 1 leam. 1dixovered that struggle is so important to me. In Jewish writing, the Talmud is designed in the center of the page, and around mis text are written commentaries. So in 1102 [C. E.] someone is saying,

"1think it means this, " and [another writer] in 1534, saying "1disagree with that Rabbi in 1102, and 1 think it means this and this. Then someone in 1812... People argue back and forth through the centuries. The interesting thing is how we learn and use al1 of ourselves, every place we are, and evety peson that we're with, so this continuation is forever. I've said some ordinary stuff about my father, and it cornes from my context. You've heard it, and you've got your whole context. Situated knowing is an important concept for me. We dont do it conxiously, but, in fa&, it's what we do al1 the time to grow and becorne transformed. 1 know this about myself; tk most leaming 1 have is in my interactions with people. 1 feel lucky to have a consciousness of what's happening, and not taking it for granted.

I have a wonderhil Mend who is a modem, orthodox Rabbi. 1 remernber studying with him in a group. We al1 looked at the text Someone said, "Would you comment?" (After all, he's a wonderful teacher.) Sorneone [else] said "such and such a Rabbi said this." My ffiend said, "First let% look at the text and see what we think now, and then we'll lad< at what people have said historically." 1 believe that he wanted to build yet another layer and not lose its freshness, and then go back. 1thought that was a wonderful approach.

My father and rny mother used to blk about I1educatedfools;" people who thought they were smart, but didnt "laiow how to turn the page." If it wasnt written in the book they didnlt know what to do! My father valued doing aiings, taking chances. He is vew wise. He always came up with the expressions: "You never know who you're going to leam frorn." You can lemfrom anybody; be open to that, be ready for it, and dont judge people. 1 believe that is ûue and 1 approach groups and people like that. He had a huge influence on my life.

My father has wondeml interpersonal skills, and people loved him. He didn't know he was teaching me, ever. He didn't have that conxiousness. He came to this country when he was 17 and never had the opportunity for fomal education. He had a tremendous admiration for his mother and his family; as the oMest child he remained a father to al1 of them. My grandmother was a tough, great lady [who] had women corning into her salon (kitchen) for great political and philosophical discussions and arguments She had no [formal] education, but she was an intelligent, knowledge-seeking person. My father admired that; it has a lot to do with who he is.

My sister and 1used to spend Friday nights arguing at the table with him.

Once my sister got to univenily, I believed whatever she told me. She came home with the question, "Is there a Gd?"Well, to my Mer, it wasn't a question, but he sat there, thought with us, let us argue it out, and let us yell at him. He's a quiet man. He allowed that kind of intellechial pursuit. My father maintained who he was at al1 times as [my sister and Il danced around philosophy and science, becoming cornpletely irreligious. That's tk way I've interpreted it. My father loved these arguments and discussions. Every Friday night he said the prayen; whether we wanted them or not, he did il. He was a wonderful model. My parents socialized with his brothen and sistes. Now that my parents are old and not well, his brothen and sisten never miss seeing him about airee times a week. It's quite rnarvelous; rny brother and I are struck by how wonderfully they support each other. When my grandrnother was sick and in [hospital] for a long time, he and his siblings visited her every day as a group,

[also] visiting with each other in front of her. Even when she had a stroke and couldn't speak, my father said, "How do you know she doesn't understand? As long as a person's alive, you have to keeep talking to them."

My father wasn't al1 great, but he certainly modeled king good to people.

When 1was about 13, the Gibson girl style was in: ainolines, circular poodle skirts, lacy blouses. My fathefs business was in the garment distrikt x, 1 went to the wholesalers who made crinolines, skirts, and blouses. Every place 1 went, 1 got someaiing and they didn't want to be paid! (My faaier was going to go badc and pay everybody.) 1 wid to my father, "Oh, can you imagine, they gave me whatever 1wanted and they tnisteâ me!" Thars my memory of the first time he said, "Remember, a good name is better than diamonds. It's very hard to build a good name, but Vs very easy to lose it." That was indible wisdom to give a young person. I've never forgotten. 1can visualize that moment, when I tell you the story. That was powerful leaming for me.

My mother used to cal1 him, in a derogatoiy way, "Father Abraham." One day, after years, 1 got the courage to say, "Mother, why do you think that's bad?

Thafs a wonderful thing to say about somebody. That's not an insult, and dont say it anymore." She stopped. It is not easy having a man who's langafteer everybody as your husband.

My faaier values learning and doing. Evev time 1 complained to him that work was getang hard, he'd never give me any sympathy, "It'swonderful!" Take chances, by new things, dont sit, dont wait, and take risks. He was still working at 91. [When he was] in his 804, he said, 'Tm so grateful that I don't have to wait around for the angel of death to come and get me," He valued king able to work. He had an adage, when he went to hospital; "Girls. . ." (nurses, thats the way he talks) ". . . don't do anything for me that 1can do for mysdf." He was a delight in the hospital because he wanted ta do everything, even while he was in intensive cm. 1 value that way of living. He always said "Hard work never ûilled anyboây, ifs the not doing and it's boredom that kills people." Those are some of the things rve leamed from him. c My sister had a big influence on me. She was brilliant; a real academic.

When she went to university, she spent her time in aie libary stacks. 1never was that kind of a student. 1 did well, but 1 spent most of my time drinûing coffee. Later, 1 realized what al1 that was ail about. That's how 1 leam. 1 value theory, but it wasn't enough for me, or maybe 1 couldnt get enough out of it. 1 needed exchange and interaction, very rnuch like the Talrnudic approach. That informs me. My sister had an incredible thirst to know, as long as she was in charge of the knowing. 1 always had very smart friends, and she always had dumb friends. That had to do with the fact that my needs and her needs were very different. She could get what she needed frorn books; 1 needed pers in order to leam. How has that affect& my ways of dealing with education? When people corne to my class I tell them, "If you've corne here for lectures, this is rot the class for you. Ifs not the way I do it, and ifs not what I'm good at doing. If you need that, go to someone who can be excellent at that for you. But this is a different way of ûnowing, of leaming. . ." I've tripped over myself ûying to be what I'm not, to offer what I cank Sometimes 1 get caught with people who süll have different expectations and 1 dont deliver. Other people love leaming this way and so do 1.

When 1 went to graduate SCtroolI found that this kind of learning was not only OK, but it had names: experiential, selfdirected, and reflective leaming. 1 give people permission to disaver in themsehres, so that they are not just leaming out of books. When 1 went to school this kind of [leaming] wasnt valued. Either you could memorize, or you were dumb.

inçlude mom bowl- mom gaap(p 1 stniggle (1 do get exhausted) to include more knowledge, more people.

There's almost nothing that doesnt interest me. If 1 hear people's stories I get parts of their world, because 1 can't get the whole world by myself. 1 put together conglomerates, pieces of people. If you share your world with me, and you can only do that if 1 include you, if we connect, then our worids get bigger.

My brother's family is wonderful and seems mainstream. 1 envy them in some ways because it look so easy. On the other hand, to me, Ys boring and a trap.

As soon as the periphery becornes mainstream, then 1 find new margins. The process of building is wonderful for me buseYs new and risky. Once the peripheral thing we've built becornes the status quo, it chokes; self-satisfaction cornes with it. The status quo gets stifling. There's that wonderful poem about an old woman who wears purple. Now everybody wean purple, so we need another poem!

Chapter Five Summary

This chapter presents two-part profiles of the seven women who act as research participants. 1 introduced the women's profiles by desmihg theories that arise out of thek achial experiences of contesting conventional order to promote equality. Next, 1 selected key elements in their stories to organize the verbatim accounts of their thoughts, actions and nflections. The narrative plots highlight a consciousness of oppressive aspects of daily life and the enactment of new possibilities for equality-based action.

Each woman's experience and perspective is embedded in the context of partidar social, cultural and economic circumstances. The profiles were reviewed and revised by the nsearch participants to ensure that their stories were portrayeci in a fair manner.

Chapter Six introduces the themes associated with the life stories of the research participants and die researcher. The research participants' themes cepcesent their particular impehis for seeing injustice and constnicting acts to increase equality for segments of the population. Interconnections between the themes are explored as they relate to social activism. And finally, research findings are examined as they link to the four research questions. CEiAPTER SIX

THEMES OF TRANSFORMATION

Storm clouds hold intense energy charges. When the charge reaches a critical point, there is an elecûical-charge separation in the form of a sudden strealc of illumination. This atmospheric event brightens the dark landscape and provides flashes of connection between earth and sky. In this life history research, earth represents the political, economic, cultural and social conditions that make up the cbaaging landscape.

Sky denotes the spiritual, emotional and intellectual synthesis of human experience. The thundercloud symbolizes the chaos, doubt and uncertainty that prevail as a result of the awareness of inequalities in the conventional order. Lightning represents the release of creative en= when research participants sûike new ways to promote equality.

Opemess to unsettied conditions and cornmitment to advancing equality provide the grounding for changes. Each woman's appmach to promoting equality is different, therefore the landscapes that are illuminated Vary. I have chosen themes to capture each woman's unique style of contesting conventional order to promote equality. The four ways îhat these themes interconnect in relation to social activism are explored. Linkages between the research fmdings and the research question form the conclusion of this chapter.

Common Themes

God asks nothing of any soui Save that which He [sic] has given it. Qur'an 65.7

For each research participant, includïng myself, 1 have identified a theme that I think encapsulates her way of seeking social justice. To a lesser extent, each theme emerges in the life histories of the other seven women. This chapter examines the social processes that mark the expression of the theme in the woman's life. The eight themes illustrate unique ways that women are moved to be conscious of and responsible for advancing equality within the public domain. Each woman's theme is represented by a distinctive colour. The seven women exhibit an array of distinctive colom according to their themes. Beneath the dominant theme colour for each woman, traces of the aii the other theme colours are evident. My discussion of each theme will draw from the women's interpretations of their experiences, various theoretical hneworks, and an appreciation of larger social contexts. In addition, I present interco~ectionsbetween themes that represent common and different interpretations of social processes as revealed in these life histones. Of course, this group of themes is not exhaustive. My hope is that it highlights important features of the voices of eight women who act to promote equality.

Jasmine's theme of purpose is a verb; "purpose" means "put forward, declad'

(Ayto, 1990, p. 42 1). The noun ''purpose" is defined as goal or desired result Rupose is an aspect of vital living: "Really to live is to be directed towards something, to progress towards a goal" (Ortega Y Gasset as cited in Webster's dictionary of quotations, 1995, p.

348). lasmine's deliberate and resolute goal to act as an ally to oppressed people is a recmnt theme in her stocies. In the public realm, she attacks problems headsn using an approach that is so clear and direct that it demands consideration and is sometimes seen as king aggressive. AIthough she is warm and caring, she does not compromise her activist goals even when they antagonize others. Jasmine acknowledges the nsks i'nhereut in behg an activist: "My faculty colleagues don't want to hear about racism in the classroorn. My issues are never important enough to get addnssed. Men people get threatened, 1 am too pushy! 1 don? haadle oppression well on an emotional level."

Change is hught with risks, ambiguities and uncertainties: "To embrace change is to embrace conflict, and it is naWio resent the pain that goes with it" (Pattemon, L997, p.200). Jasmine accepts the pain and refuses to confom to injustice to keep the peace or to be popular. She realizes that her adamant, knowledgeable communication style makes her an undesirable group member when confomity is expected. She acknowledges with laughter: "1 make a terrible token" for those who want a woman of colour "to make theu nurnbers look good." Jasmine's purpose is fum: her work life and her life work are directed towatd greater solidarity with oppressed people.

lasmine's trip to [a Third World country] at age fifleen transformed her into a social activist. At that time she asked herself, "Why do you want wealth and power? That is not what this world is about." This change occurred when she reined in her self- celebrating life purposes to take into account the penonhood and the needs of those who live in "extreme economic hardship." Jasmine then eschewed the pursuit of money and power, and began to respond to the needs of oppressed people with whom she felt comected. According to Jasmine (personal communication, 1999), her transformation into an activist was not dramatic or immediate; it emerged gradually within a few months of her rem to Canada. She chnicles her expanding theoretical and experiential horizons as a social activist: king involved in UNICEF, explorhg howledge about the roots of poverty, working with Aboriginal and blue-collar workers in the Arctic, promothg internationai health, initiating anti-oppression education. Jasmine expects people ofprivilege to recognize how they have benefited nom the oppression of others.

Jasmine's knowledge and compassion enable her to determine her responsibility toward others and that, in tum, iafuses her life with a sease of purpose. Her stories, imbued with meaning, connect the personal and political; we are encouraged to attend to, and to assume responsibility for, "the needs of strangers" (Ignatieff, 1986).

lasmine's purpose is to merge the "hard path" of revolution against oppressive structures with the "soft path" of inner spintual trsuisfomation. As a woman of colour, she is connected to the %brancy of millions of people" fiom the South World. She feels

"an enormous responsibility to work with immigrant women." She expresses an inclusive feminism that embraces the perspectives of lesbians, women of colour, women with disabilities and working class women. When these women are under attack, she stands with them as a stalwart ally. Her global perspective enables ber to recognize oppressive features of local environments and she is prepared to oppose them and put fonvard alternative possibilities to advance equality. Two social processes that characterize lasmine's work are sharing power and being an ally to oppressed people.

The bi-directional movement of people hmcenter to margin and hm"margin to center" (hmks, 1984) promotes more equal sharing of oppomuiities and power to contribute to the welfare of the whole. The ability of women, ethnic minorities and ok oppressed groups to use power effectively depends upon the challenges and opportunities that their contexts afZord (Patterson, 1997). Paîricia Hill Collins maintains that people hmvarious backgrounds can work together to respect the nghts of others: "White 'race iraitors,' femiaist men, and other individuais critical of their own prïvilege" (p.234) can contest oppressive aspects of established order. Jasmine's purpose is clear. she deliberately and openiy challenges program managers, board members, colleagues and students who exercise power in ways that oppress others. Jasmine nflects on the oppressive conventional order that accords Eumpean descendents "so much authority and centrality in our lives." Her experience of working at the university has shown her that there is unf" treatment of staff and faculty who are people of colour. This viewpoint corresponds to Orlando Patterson's (1997) socio-historical analysis of Amencan institutions. Pattenon (1 997) describes how the inclusion of bb~thers"into the power elite would threaten the status quo:

It is not just the presence of the fonnerly excluded that presents problerns for the establishment, but the fear that we might change the way we run things. These fears are indeed justifed, since it is tnie that if women and minorities are to be included in significant numbers at the top layers of the system, the rules will have to change. (pL65)

Exclusionary hiring and promotion practices promote the retention and advancement of people who fit into the existing structure. Jasmine concludes that universities "dt places that serve local needs or the public good" because the hoarding of power by an elite group fails to represent the various segments of the generai population. As a university professor she considen it part of her mandate to serve marginalized cornmunities.

lasmine's goal is to become an ally to oppressed people: "A fully-fledged ally is somebody who will do whatever helshe can to deliver solidarity to people in struggle."

Allies choose to unite with others who are oppressed by a dominant status quo in order to advance social justice for everyone. Gloria Yamato (as cited in Weedon, 1999) offers advice to white people who want to kcome allies to peopIe of colour: You can educate yomelves via research and observations rather than rigidly, arrogantiy relying solely on interrogating people of color. Do not expcct that people of color should teach you how to behave non- oppressively. Do not give in to the pull to be laq. Think, hard. Do not blame people of color for your frustration over nicism, but do appreciate the fact that people of color will often help you get in touch with that frustration. Assume that your effort to be a good Hend is appreciated, but don? expect or accept gratitude from people of color. Work on racism for your sake, not 'their' sake. Assume that you are needed and capable of being a good ally. Know that yod11 make mistalces and commit yourself to correcting them and continuhg on as an aily, no matter what. Don't give up. @p. 176-177)

According to black ferninists, white supremacy is such a pervasive aspect of the conventional order that white people who act as allies to people of colour are referred to as "righteous white people" (hooks, 1995, p. 188). It is Jasmine's goal to be a supporter of oppressed people whether or not she shares theù oppression.

People can be aware of injustice toward others and yet avoid meaninel involvement as an ally by engaging in three change mistance responses: 'paralysing",

"individualising" and 'patronising" (Tamasese & Waldegrave, 1993, p.57). People have a paralysing response when they feel guilty about the legitimate claim of the other but fail to act because of fear of conflict or reprisais. Their passivity perpetuates injustice.

Those who use individualising responses are also aware of injustices to others but try to limit their accountability by focusing on personal rather than institutional expressions of domination. Thus a man who daims to be a feminist "may still continue to benefit at every level in a patriarchal society, at their expense" (p. 58). Individualizing responses are problematic because the systernic privileges of king white, male, heterosexual andlor middle-upper class remain hidden and unaddressed. The patronising response occw when a so-cdled ally assumes the spokesperson role for the group subject to domination. Jambe recommends that allies unite with groups in order to assist them to meet their own goals under their own leadership. The outsider's appropriation of a leadership position within an oppressed group is often resented and ineffective.

In viewing herself as part of vibrant, historically oppressed groups, Jasmine seeks solidarity within her own community and with other disenhnchised people. She has experienced the contradiction of institutional policies that oficially support diversity while exclusionary practices remain intact. lasmine's purpose is clear. She shares power with people who have traditionally been disadvantaged. She upholds the principle of distributive justice: "good anti-racist work should benefit everyone, but it should benefit people of colour more." Jasmine's sense of purpose is dedicated to taking risks and growing in solidarity with oppressed people. She enjoins others to take part in the collective enterprise: "You can't do a revolution by younelf. We need a critical mass and consciousness. We need courage."

Moira's lifetime interest in equity was galvanized when she immigrated to

Canada as a young black woman. Initially, she was shocked at being treated like a suspect by a Canadian Custom's oficer and later at her exclusion fiom the teaching profession. Moira recognized the oppressive practices in ber adopted country and she decided to oppose them by initiating positive change. Many people would have felt embittered by the unjust treatment that she encountered but her commitment to fairness compelled her to act. Her work is mulrifaceted and it includes promoting the adoption of equity hiring policies at the school board, engaging in community work to enhance interculhuai understanding and developing programs for unemployed young ad&.

Moira fights "for the basic rights of every marginalized human."

According to Moira, "One of the greatest tbgs in iife is respect." Respect is the sense of worth or esteem that one has for people. Both her grandparents were involved in empowering her and she now extends that gifi to others. Moira embodies the leadership traits of an empowerer as described in Muller's (1994) research: she constructs alliances, respects people's capacities and worth, sbans power, has spiritual faith, takes risks and is gratified by other's achievements. She participates in govemment work groups to advance equity through anti-racist education and advocates a school curriculum that includes Abonginal history. Moira respects the efforts of others to promote equality; she was thrilled when high school students produced an award-winning anti-racism video.

Moira advances equity by encomging personal empowement and egalitarian relationships; her resilience and endurance in the face of hardship are comected to ber attitude of respect.

Moira advances the equity agenda by treathg people with respect within munial and cooperative relationships. Respectful relationships do not stem hmpositions of 4 subordination or dominance. Upon arriva1 in Canada, Moira did not accept the subordhate status that othen assigned to her as a result of systemic discriminatory practices. She maintains that children need to be taught to respect one another, and when children commit a wrong they need to reflect on how îheù behaviour hurts ohers. in human relations education Moira aiso teaches childmi to contest oppressive group behaviour. She teaches children empathic responses to resolve conaicts that arise when their pers are being taunted, such as, "If you hurt someone by calling them a methen it also hurts me." Moira leamed at a young age that a healthy self-respect is the basis of respect for others and respect for differences.

Moira maintains that "education is where it's at." From her perspective, al1 children need to learn to become active cooperative citizens and productive workers.

Educational policies that decrease inequities do so by promoting the collective good.

Moira takes her role in promoting equality seriously: she studies the history of the

African diaspora, she participates in reforming oppressive public policies and she dedicates many volunteer hours to the advancement of interethnic relationships. Her focus is on the education of children so that they become responsible and caring citizens wbo participate to reduce inequities between people:

If we bnng up our children to have howledge without the compassion, their attitude towards others is likely to be a mixture of envy of those in positions above them, aggressive competitiveness towards their peen and scom for those less fortunate ....Education is therefore much more than a matter of imparting the knowledge and skills by which nmwgoals are achieved. It is also about opening the child's eyes to the needs and rights of others. (Gyatso, 1999, p.206)

Moira believes in advancing the education of children by assisting them to gain knowledge, skills and compassion for others. As children develop a sense of empathy for others, it is easier for them to discem their public responsibilities.

Moira bernoans economic disparity in Canada: "What is one person doing with a billion dollars in assets, while another person can't feed breakfast to oneselfor children?"

Many Canadiaas do not enjoy the rights outlined in Article xm of the United Nation's

1949 Universal Declaration of Human Rights (as cited in Hum& 1999): Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for health and well-being of himself [sic] and of his fely, including food, clothing, housing and medical cmand necessary social senrices, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age, and other loss of livelihood.. ..Mothahoai and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. (p. 332)

Fifty years after the signing of this human rights instrument, Canadian society tolerates poverty, homelessness, hunger and a widening income gap between rich and the poor. In the opinion of George Bruntland (as cited in Hurtig, 1999) this represents a "policy failure that degrades people-those wbo suffer it and those who tolemte if' (pp.332-333).

Public education has a mandate to advance social equity by democtatic means. if children are concemed with the material reality of others who are less advantaged, they can choose responsible actions to promote our collective welfiue. John Ralston Saul

(1995a) posits a challenge:

Nothing prevents us fiom revising the schedule to build in four or five hours per week for public participation. Our failure to do something Iike this is a statement either about the state of the dernomtic ethic or about the real nature of power in our society. (p. 229)

The objective of decreasing inequities requires purposehl acts and a desire to participate in the creation of a more just society. Moira's committed work serves as an example for types of meaningful involvement in conmcting a more inclusive community.

This equity-seekîng process relies on educating an idormed and compassionate citizenry whose political concems go beyond self-interest. One is requîred to empathize with people who are in Iess forhinate circumstances, and to gain Ulfonnation about the their predicament. Empathy twined with respomiôility cm assist us indivïdually and collectively to forge a more carhg society bat does not negate the rights and aeeds of its vulnerable members. Moira promotes fair and just opportwiities to people in ternis of, for instance, education, jobs and correctional se~ces.Actions that enhance equity include policies to support diversity, education to enhance peoples' opportunities and full employment practices to bolster family economic health. Inequities have matenal human consequences in ternis of health problems, lower socioeconomic stahis, under- or unemployment, limited education opportunities and poverty. The advancement of equity is Moira's expiicit goal in her work as a consultant and a volunteer in educational institutions.

Sarah's theme is enthusiasm. She is enthusiastic about showcasing her students, pushing "them to get a millimetre fkther," and working with supportive colleagues who are willing to take risks. Clarence Day captures the uifectious power of enthusiasm: "You can't sweep other people off their feet, if you can't be swept off your own" (in Webster's dictionary of quotations, 1995, p. 120). The teacher who possesses enthusiasm is attuned to students' experiences and interests and promotes a Iearning environment conducive to growth and respect for self and other. Enthusiasrn engages people in the art of the possible and paves the way for notable accomplishrnents. Sarah's approach requires a readiness to make on-the-spot decisioos to create occasions that engage the students in active leaming.

Sarah's enthusiasm punctuates her stories about relationships with students, teachers and school administrators. Fmm her perspective, "establishing a relatiomhip is a bridge to learning," and optimizing the leaming of disadvantaged students is her way of promothg eqyity. Like a chee~gpuent helping a child ride a bicycle, Sarah guides her students until they can navigate safely and watches their propswith great pleasure-

The relationai patterns that she establishes with colleagues, individual students and student groups convey her fervent interest in maximiPng student learning. Her distinctive relationship style contributes to our understanding of contesting conventional order to promote equaiity.

Sarah participates in a school culture that is '%ery supportive of kids, and kids' and teachers' endeavours." When she and her colleagues encountered difficulty acquiring appropriate written materials, she was eager to hovate: 6'Well, let's try this, let's try that." She works cooperatively with other teachers to explore teaching approaches to facilitate student learning. Because many of her students lack experience common to children fiom the maiastream culture, a group of teachers participated in a workshop to learn how to use and expand the students embedded knowledge. Sarah describes the teaching approach: "The teacher gives the kids a common experience, like an outing, and then has them write about experience that is embedded in them." This innovative approach is a way of acknowledging that the teacher-student relationship involves an exchange. Students expand their experience and knowledge in a way that belongs to them, or is embedded in them, and teachers establish new and more effective ways of working with the children. Collegial support and encouragement enable teachers to be innovative in theù efforts to promote student leaming-

In her encountea with students, Sarah numins dialogue, confirmation and intellectual cornpetence. Sarah's dialogue with the students reflects her eady teaching experknces in Israel and ma.At that tirne she was open to and comected with "peaple who live in different ways." She asked herself two questions: "What are these people going thmugh?" and %ow and what do 1teach?" These inquiries illustrate her desire to gain an empathetic understanding of ber students and to teach them according to theù needs. She is athined to deeply personal aspects of their experience such as lack of confidence or passivity. Dialogue is two-way communication and Samh is open to their expressions of cating. She fmds it satisfjring to work with students who shiire thek

"wannth and openness" with her. When stucients were working on developing an extended metaphor as a self-portrait, she disciosed a metaphor of herself for them.

Dialogue "can be playful or serious, logical or imaginative, goal or process orienteci, but it is always a genuine quest for something undetemined at the beginning" (Noddings,

1992, p.23). She establishes dialogical relationships with students that engage both participants in a mutually gratiQing way.

Sarah confrms students on an individual basis. They need specific reinforcements and compliments: 'What you said is a mature remark because.. .' They need to see themselves as successful, or potentially successfbl, and we canfind woys to do it. " Confirming the best in students is a nsponsibility that warrants our avid efforts because it advances justice and the intrinsic dignity of the human person:

Most teachers waste their the by asking questions which are iniended to discover what a pupil does not know. whereas the true art of questioning has its purpose to discover what the pupil knows or is capable of biowing. (Einstein as cited in Caiapnce, 1996, p. 37)

Confirmation is the valkhtion of students' thoughts and actions so that we are moved toward the mlization of theù better potentials. To confimi another is to invest in hope for theu fiiture and for the worth of theu incipient contniutioa, Sarah establishes relationships with students to develop theù streagths so that they enjoy unique accomplishments. Sarah uses approaches to enhance students' writiug skills: "What I've found very successful is that 1'11 give them a snappy opening sentence and somehow they live up to it." She provides them with opportuaities to refme their written work by rewriting parts of it: "Why don't you put an example into this dialogue so it's more lively." Sarah is reflective about numiring students' intellechial autonomy:

"1 fault rnyself, sometimes, on not allowing them to stmggle long enough." She is determined to help the students distinguish themselves: They need to publish what they write: to have it recognized, to have it polished, to share it with adults." 1 read nurnerous published works by Sarah's students. Their works include prize-winning essays, sports stories, poetry and autobiographical sketches. The students' ideas and traditions are clearly expressed within carefully designed frameworks and Sarah uses a stnictmd leaming approach to achieve this result. The students acquire levels of writing cornpetence that they would not have attained independently. The students' intellectual works are achievements that are realized within the context of teacher-student relationships thaf are mutual, numving and stimulating.

Sarah is enthusiastic when she describes the skills she has developed in promoting class discussion: "Eighty percent of the tirne we reaily hit a stnde and keep on challenging one another. It's quite miraculous sometimes. A lot of it is refîecting back to thern what they said and tryîng to ûame it in a way that makes them feel good about the idea." The student-teacher interchange is an experience of "we-ness" and muniality. It was inspiring and amusing to hear her analyze events as "an excihg can of worms" and reflect that "the product was ugly but the process was just fascinating." Sarah structures communication practice so that writing, debating and analytical abilities cm flourish:

"1'11 be fiee flowing in invithg their ideas, having them engage with each other and presenting a ridiculous point of view so that they can try their luck working with or agakst that." Free expression within a süuctured format enables students to say

"profound things about their lives and experiences."

Sarah uses various teaching strategies to assist students to consider equity issues.

She taught students to design a chart to ensure contributions for the school newspaper represented school groups fairly according to gender, ethnicity and age. Students initially resisted this structure until Sarah explained its purpose and eventually they leamed to value and consistently use a chart for creating equity. Sarah innoduces the power issues involved in the exploitation of the poor by wealthy dnig dealers. Her response was emotional as well as intellectual: "That makes me angry." This response provides students with an opportunity to appreciate that many of the community problems have their sources in wealthy neighbourhoods. One student reacted: "Yeah, they come in theu big cars and then they leave." Sarah challenges the disparaging views that students have about theù own cornrnunities by farniliarizing them with broader contextual issues of power, politics and dominant values in society.

ûne of the reasons that 1 invited Sarah to participate in the research was her eagerness to affirm stwlents' intrinsic worih, and theù inchoate ideds and ideas. She shares her absorbing interest in student Ieaming with some of her colleagues and, together, they experiment with appmaches that build on students' baseline knowledge and experience. She structures oppominities for al1 children to sheand to express theü ideas. Sarah's devotion to her students' progress makes her receptive and cesponsive to theu thoughts, feelings, aspirations and circumstances. She is eager to design leaming opportunities that enable students to stretch their knowledge and ski11 base. Sdwas enthusiastic about starting an online living newspaper because it is more democratic and inciusive-%ot oniy for good writers and highiy motivated kids." Xn class, her reflective questions relate to openness to difference and a desire to make a difference in the lives of disadvantaged children by optimizing theu potential. Sarah's enthusiasm illuminates new paths for advancing student learning by honouring and developing their unique abilities in cooperation with colleagues and student pers.

The theme of inclusion operates in Winif'red's choices to advance equality.

Inclusion, derived from the sarne word as "enclosure" (Ayto, 1990), is an act of embracing in a comprehensive way. The value that WiniGnd places on inclusivity is apparent in her leadership style. She engages in multi-sectorid health promotion reseatch for vuinerable groups, facilitates everyone's group participation and establishes collegiai relationsbips with students. Using an inclusive approach, Winified can "bring forth values that matter to [her]. As an educator, her inclusiveness calls for the radical reinterpretation of such things as womanhooû, interdisciplinary studies and human ecology. Her interests in inclusive social justice involve both the human communîty and

"eco1ogy and the interdependence of life systems." As Winifked embnices womanhood, she redizes ways in which the fields of knowledge developed primarily by women have been tiîvialized in academïa.Wîdkd engages in work about the conditions of health- "physical, social, ecological and spiritual." She promotes educational initiatives to give students interdisciplinary experience that erodes professional barriers and provides a more holistic perspective of societal problems and solutions. The inclusion of people and the inclusion of knowledges are two foci that arise fiom Winihd's stories.

Winifked influences people to work together toward collective goals. As a leader, she recognizes everyone's contribution and assists people to recognize the contniutions of others. She focuses on people, rather than tasks, and moves the tasks forward nom that perspective. She facilitates group process by eliciting input and editorializing: "1 try to make a link between people as 'stars' (key players) in order to let people set similarities and differences in their work. It's my way of facilitating equal participation." Her first inclination is to be inclusive. When she was working on a health promotion project a colleague told her, "You're being far too inclusive to want to hclude people fiom different univeaities, faculties, student groups, community groups and so on. It's much better to be smaller, to bave a think tank ofvery good people." Upon reflection WUiifkd chose the more inclusive approach: "It will slow us dom," she said, "but 1 believe in this."

in her comrnitment to the collective, Winifked shies away fiom hierarchical relationships and develops a sense of students as equals: "Our administrative structure separates staff, faculty and students, and we miss the sense of relationship and continuity across Ihes that we want to numirp." She believes that her relationships with students are ongoing: "Students are going to become colleagues and alumni, and we need to reaiize that they are part of our lives forever." Winifted's collaborative way of engaging with others represents a co~ectedway of knowing that is distinct nom separate knowing:

Separate knowers ûy to subtract the personality of the perceiver from the perception, because they see persodity as slanting the perception or adding "noise" that must be filtered out. Connected knowers see personality as adding to the perception, and so the personality of each memkr of the group enriches the group's understanding. Each individual must stretch her own vision in order to share another's vision. Through mutuai stretching and shasing the group achieves a vision richer than any individuai could achieve alone. (Belenky, Clinchy, Goldberger & Tarule, 1986, p. 119)

Winified is fmly committed to sharing visions with others in order to achieve shared goals. Because she knows in a comected way, her inclusive way of being encourages full participation and the construction of knowledge fiom diverse viewpoints.

Winified is concerned about the peripheraluation of certain fields of knowledge.

From a health and ecological perspective, she would like to see an integration of knowledge so that students are moved "intellectually and in their soul." She believes that science courses that promote an understanding of ecology "or the interdependence of life systems" could achieve broader educational goals. Fragmented, specialized knowledge hides the interco~ectednessof life foms and disregards serious ecological issues. She is also concemed about the privileging of certain "elite" disciplines and the marginalization of other disciplines that are "wornen focussed." Winifked refers to the health and social service disciplines as the "motherhood collective": 'There was a lot of respect for it, but it was always last in tems of nsources." Cuffentiy,many structures and practices of the conventional order in university education operate to fiagrnent knowledge and to exclude or peripheralize the contniutions of some people and fields of knowledge. When the teaching of science is closely linked to industrial needs rather than broader contextual knowledge, short-term profitability is the priority. More inclusive knowledge bases would take into account long-term sustaiiiability, treaûnent of non- human creatures and the environment. The problems posed by speciaiized howledge relate to out limited understandings of ourelationships with people and nature. Stan

Rowe (as cited in LiWigston, 1994) offers a reconcephialization of the human condition:

In the crunch.. .the Ecosphere (Nature) ought to be valued above people on the basis of precedence in time, evolutionary creativity and diveaity and the complexity of a higher level of orgaaization. Conceivably, for example, present human population, expanded in size by technology, bas become an active evil, exceeding the sustainable limit, overwhelming the planetary environment. The ultimate crimes against the envuonment, crimes that also threaten the human enterprise, are fecundity and exploitive economic growth, both encouraged by the homocentric philosophy. (p. 194)

Winifted reflects on the destruction of the environment and the dificulties imposed by unfettered capitalism. She maintains that capitalism's goal "to create profit" is linked to its ultimate dysfunction-"what it is doing to the environment." Using fiagmented knowledge to pmmote economic growth and consumer consumption without consideration of its impact on people and the environment is ultimately destructive and irresponsible. Hurnans actions that have "temporary immunity to many normal ecological constraints"(LiWigston, 1994, p. 13) have produced the fmt speciescreated "ecospheric holocaust" (p. 1). What is required is a reversal of logic f?om exploitation to conservation.

Science knowledge that incorporates ecological concems is aimed at consenring the environment and promoting equality for hture generations: 'YTake care how you place your moccasins upon the earth, step with cm,for the faces of the fùture generations are

Iookhg up from the earth waiting for theu tum for 1Xe" (Lyons as cited in Mies & Shiva, 1993, p. 88). Wi&d advocates a more inclusive approach to knowledge acquisition that engages students in restoring connections between person and environment.

Winihd is concerned that social service and health disciplines receive fewer resources and less recognition than "elite" disciplines at the university. This concern is linked to her rebellion "against society's segregation between public and pnvate, male and fernale." According to Thompson (1992), two spheres of human action correspond to distinctions between the private and public. The huma.service disciplines, such as nursing and social work, have features in common that are characteristic of the private domain: invisibility, mutual relationships, intrinsic rewards, common language, caring ethic, Tdeology of connection" (p. 100). This sphere of human action focuses on numirance. Winifnd experienced discrimination as a woman who represented disciplines that were b'woman-focussed"and 'part of an underclass." Elite disciplines such as medicine and engineering, on the other hand, share common feanires that are expressed in the public domain: visibility, expert status, extemal rewards, fodlanguage,

"ideology of control" (p. 100). This sphere of human action represents power and influence in public decision-making that relate to governance by men. Winifkd's desire to desegregate public and pnvate, male and femaie challenges the traditional, enüenched patriarcbal values and the triviaking of feminist values.

Winifnd expresses fdith in the interrelated processes of democracy and hclusion.

She explores new possibilities for the inclusion of individuais and representatives hm diverse interest groups in her collaborative wock. By encouraging people to participate with one another, she believes that the sum of everyone's input yields a better resuit than the limited input of a more exclusive group. Winifred also promotes a more inclusive curriculum that integrates diverse knowledges in order to illuminate person-ecosphen interconaections. The privileging of expert lmowledge development in elite professions is a way of marginalizing the interdependent and more kctly applied knowledge that was traditionally "woman-based."

'nie strongest prisons are builtlwith walls of silence." -Mirilcitani (as cited in Yamamoto, 1993, p. 131)

Growth is an organic, developmental process that involves gradua1 change due to assimilation (incorporating as one's own) and accretion (growing together of separate parts). The process of assimilation is the taking in of new experiences so that one's structure of thinking and being is transformed. Exposure to a broad range of experiences enables one to make more complex mental accommodations. Accretion is an inteption process that joins separate parts of self-thoughts, feelings, senses and actions. in this inquiry, Kathryn uses deliberate, dynarnic and complex personal approaches to gain and apply knowledge within the psychiatric survivor movement. The processes of assimilation and accretion both contribute to ber huer transformation and authentic work. Kathryn achieves growth and transcendence by using experience as "a wedge to change both who 1was and how 1behaved." Her immersion in the movement enabled her to experience the "contexnüllized meaning" of her evolving story. Kathxyn received grassroots mentoring from psychiatric suwivors; "it was life storytelling-absorbing through the skin and bones as weii as the mind." Psychiatcic swvivors established a consumer movement to coatest dieu marpinalization within the fonnal mental health services structure. Theu oppression is linked to the erosion of Canada's social safiety net. According to Capponi (1999), psychiatric survivors suffer as a coasequence of three factors: increasing inequities "in access to both health care and pst-secondary education for low-incorne Canadians" (p.

252)' cufbacks in Employment Insurance benefits and reduced availability of social assistance income. She maintains that se~ceproviden' accountability to their clients is lacking:

We have created and sustained a dual dependency-that of worker and client-by fostering incnasing numbers of agencies and workers and programs and bureaucracies that are al1 supported by the public purse, without properiy detennining whether they will meet the needs of those in the greatest distress. (p. 253)

Therefore, the worker who seeks accountability to her clients needs to grow togethcr with them and to incorporate their perspectives of quality of life into her work. Growth in the numben of agencies that are unconnccted to the perspectives of psychiatric survivors actually divert resources from legitimate services.

As a beginning practitioner, Kaihryn fit into a professional-as-expert mental health care system. Later, she had the oppommity to work in a corisumersriented organization and new possibilities for growth amse hmthat context. Upon leaving that organization, she chose to situate ber academic studies and work within the psychiaûic survivor movement. According to Kathryn, "If there is one word that characterizes the last 15 years of my life it is probably contestation." During that time she changed her way of working, her way of king a woman and her way of king married She wants to mate changes that "are more amenable, more equitable." George Mead (1987) refers to the diffemt phases of self as "me" and Y", each of which is achieved through social interaction. The "me" self reflects the "conventionai individual; his [sic] ideas are exactly the same as those of his neighbors" (p.307). The "I" person exercises "a definite personality" and an "organized attitude in a way that makes a signïficant difference"(p.307). Such creative approaches require larger adjustments within the social group because of their novelty. These phases of self appear in Kathryn's work She engages in the "me" phase when she lems from psychiatric survivoa and develops "a survivor persona," and an "I'' phase when she uses autobiography as a "fom within academia, which has historically rejected it." Kathryn changes according to new understandings of the conventional order that she achieves through social interactions with self and others.

Kathryn's creativity is expressed in her consulting work with psychiatric swivoa to develop consumer-oriented and innovative mental health services. Initially,

Kathryn assumed that the organization and her colleagues "would have the same response to the issues and people that 1did." Kathryn discovered that she was more willing to take risks and to create novel approaches than many other people were. In part, the resistance may have been accentuated by the originality of her ideas: "There is not always encouragement and acceptance for those who try to introduce meanings for which there is no conceptual space in the social order" (Spender as cited in Adams, 1991, p. 139). Her desire for growth and her capacity to assert herself enabled her to translate niendships and mento~gexpetiences with survïvors into action plans to enliven consumer-based mental health care. At the same time as Kathryn was wocking to promote equity in her professional work, she was fashioning "a more instrumental ferninine personna." The women in her fmily had taught her constrained ways of being a woman: Toudo auminuice and support, seek security from xnen, and are cornpliant to male authority in whatever guise it appears as a way of protecting yourself." The saictures that thwart women's aspirations and provide limited recognition of the2 achievements are an old story. In Anne Hughes'

(1988) autobiography, written in 1796, she descnies acts of public charity that she kept secret hmor credited to her husband. in one case, she provided refùgees with food, clothing and shelter at her finids house, and upon visiting her fnend's house with her husband John, she coached her fnend to praise him for his good works:

I did wisper to her what to do, were uppon she did thank John veme prettie for his kindnesse for his ihought for a pore sowle; so letting him think that he had done all, which did please him, and he did Say he would do wbat he coulde. (p.39)

Social conventions obfuscate the actual capacities of people by privileging instnunentality as a male attribute and tnvializing expressiveness as a fernale attribute; both these attributes are valuable and necessary for both sexes. Kathryn's growth of a more instrumental personality enabled her to make distinctive contriiutions within the psychiatrie sunrivor movement by using innovative, instrumental approaches in conjunction with ber expressive empathic responses.

Kathryn's family taught her that "you don? raise yourself above anybody else," and this philosophy enables ber to estabiish egalitarîan and 8fowth-pmmoting relationships with survivors. Many autobiographers promote awareness and acceptance by breaking the silence that sunounds their ilInesddifferrnce/Stigmatizationthugh the sharuig of theu stories (Capponi, 1992; Frank, 199 1; Vomegut, 1975; Williams, 1992,

1994; Wright, 1993). Kathryn broke the silence suzrouuding mental illness by leaming to work with fiends and mentors within the movement: "1 was learning how to write with and for a movement that was not my own." Kathryn's autobiography explores "a social justice, social change perspective" that does not devalue people who are psychiatric survivors. Her accounts of working within the psychiatric swivor movement are similar to Jean Vanier's experience of living in comrnunity with people who have intellechial disabilities: "To some, it may seem strange for me to say that it is the weak, and those who have been excluded fiom society, who have been my teachers" (Vanier, 1998, p. 6).

Leming fiom and with people who have been margînalized in society is a matter of affirming others' and ones' own worth and shared humanity.

From Kathryn's viewpoint, learning is best achieved when teacher and student engage in a dialogical relationship wherein both information and life histories are exchanged. Albert Camus' autobiography (1995) pays tribute to such a relationship. He was raised in poverty in Algiers, the child of a sole-parent mute mother and an illiterate and dictatorial grandmother. He credited Louis Germain, his teacher and lifelong confidante, with changing his "destiny'. in the following excerpt Camus descnis

Germain's relationship with bis students:

No doubt they were taught many things in theu other classes, but it was something the way a goose is Med: food was presented to them and they were asked to please swallow it. in M. Germain's class, they felt for the nrst time they existed and that they were the objects of the highest regard: they were judged worthy to discover the world And even their teacher did not devote himself just to what he was paid to teach them; he welcomed them with simplicity into his personai life, he Iived that life with them, told them about his childhood and the lives of children he had knowu, shared with them his philosophy but not his opinions.. .(pp. 146- 147) in addition to sharing stocies with the children, Camus' teacher fed them when they were hungry, placed them near the stove when they were cold, and met with parents and clergy to advocate for their education. Louis Germain describes bis unconventional approach to teaching in a lettet to "my little Camus" the year before Camus died in a car accident: "1 believe that throughout my career 1 have respected what is most sacred in a child: the right to seek his own tnith. 1 loved you dl" (p.324). Kathryn welcomes people into her penonal life; her work as a teacher and a researcher is founded on personal knowledge and accountability to others. indeed, her cntical autobiographical work serves as an action mode1 for students who are studying ethics.

In her growth process Kathryn has undergone a metamorphosis. She describes her experience of breaking out of traditional womanhood as being abto a chrysalis cracking. The transformation fiom the simpler bard-shelled pupa to the butterfly entails arduous work and struggle, and ultimately a transfomed perspective. A woman asked

Kathryn bow she could attain similar growth without going through the painhl process.

Kathryn thinks that intemal struggle is a prerequisite for growth. Her transformation distanced her from simpler times: ''There just aren't very many places of ease, fit and comfort if my social and political sensibilities are at work." Kathryn changed who she was by assimilating a broad range ofexperiences. She also changed ber way of behaving by connecting ber thoughts, feelings and senses to creative acts. A genuine relationship with those who bave been labeled as deviant requires an orientation that is inclusive, equity-seeking and hopefui. Kathryn's growth relates to persoual fulfillment and to service: ''1 really hooked into what 1could do well and how I could make a contniution."

The fiiture of nursing depenâs on the ability of the discipline to reach out to diverse communities and to meet the health needs of those most wlnerable, (Hall, Stevens, & Meleis, 1994, p. 23)

Lauren's life changed dramatically when she began her antipoverty work in nursing. She challenged her own classist conventional attitudes and the myths that surround the "other world" that is inhabited by homeless people to become a "nurse activist". She shares her own professional development and challenges nurses and professional bodies: "We've been too cautious, nursing bodies have been too cautious.

Nursing is so silent and confonning." Lauren expresses the theme of passion openly: 4 feel lucky that opportunities and experiences led me down the path of king a nurse in this field, because 1 am totally àriven by it-passionately." La Rochefoucauld (as cited in

Webster's dictionary of quotations, 1995) States, "If we resist our passions, it is more fiom their weakness than fiom our strength" (p. 306). Lawn's strength is that she does not resist her passions. Her passion for social justice propels her to take risks, to develop community organization and practice skills, and to experience an emotional comection in work with poor people. These social processes-risk talring, community practice, connecting with the heart-proceed from her passions.

Lauren has a compeiling desire to work with poor people in an effort to improve their cucumstances. She reflects on four nsks that one eacounters in anti-poverty work.

First, the= is a danger tbat professionals wül hold the power rather than sharing it wîth the oppressed people that they serve. She and her colleagws discuss their use of power and enact strategies to prevent the hoarding of power by the care providers. For example, the planning group for a press conference ensures that selection of speakers includes men, women and consumers. When professionals fail to share power, there is a risk of disempowering the clients that they profess to serve (Northway, 1997). Secondly, when confronthg conventional order there are dangers: "You suddenly become very public and open to criticism." Because it is frightening to confiont authorities, Lauren ncommends that nurses be taught and mpported in risk-taking behaviour. Mason, Backer and

Georges (199 1) have noted that

Questioning and challenging that hierarchy is a difficult task for even the strongest among us, To do so demands that nurses develop empowement and a collective identity that will breathe confidence, understanding and boldness into nurses' political actions, actions that can transfomi the profession, health care and society. (p. 76)

The third risk is that one can feel marginalized within the nming profession because of its confonnist nature. Lawn observes that many of her colleagues trivialize anti-poverty work: 'They see it as radical, cray work that fits my penonality." Until social justice work receives more than lip service, people who engage in it will remain at the margins.

Lastly, there is risk of vulnerabiliw and illness because of being "being drawn into horrible happenings" on a day-to-&y basis. The risks inherent in social justice work can accrue to service providers and to conmmers. The consumer is at risk of king disempowend by service providers who are uawilling to share power. The se~ce provider is at risk due to the lack of professional support, exposure to negative public opinion and personal vulnerability. Lamn is masterful in organizing and orchestrathg actions to influence the political agenda. She initiates and participates in the staging of press conferences, the preparation of position papers, the organization of public meetings and the formation and work of an advocacy coalition. 1attended a public meeting that she helped to organize.

The people present included homeless people, media reporters, local politicians and other supporters. There was a sense of excitement and solidarity in the room as notabie scholars and homeless people made brief presentations. The goals of the meeting were clearly ouilined and everyone in the room had an opportunity to publicly endorse the cause. It was evident that the event had been carefully planned, yet an informal and fnendly atmosphere prevailed. 1 am reminded of Helen Caldicon's (1996) reflections on the mobilization of Australian public opinion in opposition to nuclear arms; "Yet again it was proven that small well-planned actions cm profoundly affect the political agenda"

(p. 354). Cornmunity development initiatives can draw together many different constituents in a harmonious and vocal opposition of public policies that show a reckless disregard for human welfare.

Lauren's activism is a compelling force. She demonstrates three methods of advocacy: "case advocacy", "class advocacy", "legislative advocacy" (Hardina, 1997, p.

54). She acts as nursing advocate in individual cases: 4 saw a woman today who had frostbite on her hands. So it was simple: look at her hands, decide whether she needs a referral and find out where she's sleeping tonight." Lauren uses her extensive knowledge base and familiarity with community and health services to assist individuals to address a broad range of health issues. Class advocacy entails "arguing on behalf of or in conjunction with a group, community, or population segment that is disadvantaged" (Hardina, 1997, p.54). Lauren participateci in organizhg a coalition of 28 organizations to get standing at a coroner's inquest into "fkeezing deaths" that had occurred on the sûeets of Toronto. This forum highlighted the needs of the homeless and resuited in recommendations to prevent Merüagic deaths. Legislative advocacy involves lobbying politicians for legislation to address inequities. Lama and her supporters brief politicians in order to iduence them and gain a voice in the iegislature. These carefully plotted efforts have resulted in substantive, though insuficient, gains of resource allocation. Because Lauren is passionate about developing strategies to enhance the health of vulnerable people, her example challenges a status quo that tolerates the desperate living conditions of the homeless. Mile people who distance themselves âom the homeless may feel detached, Lauren cares about them and their daily circumstances.

Her passion includes feelings of anger, grief, joy, fear and hop, and these strong emotions connect her to the people she serves and to theù shared goals.

Lauren describes a heart connection to the poor as "having pain or joy in your heart about their circumstances or struggles." She is enthusiastic about theu streugths:

"People trapped in this world have so much talent, fight, imagination, creativity and penonality." At the same time she is cognizant of what they are missing: "The darnage that is done to somebody's self-esteem, spirit and mental health by chronic homelessness is shocking." Lauren makes connectio~~swith homeless people as she lives at the margin of their lives. Lauren shares a story about a woman to whom she had a strong comection:

"One woman, who's native, bat I've known for years, has indicated that she mes and trusts me. Over the years she has prostituted, had babies, and she's aiways lmown 1 woulàn't judge her harshiy ot be mean to her. She joined us recently on a demoustration weekend. It was joyîùl to see her there and she was proud about it." The heart comection reflects an inner transformation that mediates social responsibility, compassion and action.

Passion is a theme that blurs any distinction between personal and professional; the suffering of others is personally felt. The small viçtories of stniggiing people become sources of joy. In order to express passionate concems, one must act upon a clearly articulated public purpose that includes many constituents. Lauren's desire to serve the homeless enables her to take risks, to develop professional knowledge and skills and to be emotionally close to their struggles. She is industrious and creative in fmdùig available avenues to advocate for homeless people including the media, political forums and direct cornrnunity service. Passion highlights oppressive aspects of the conventional order because it exposes inequities in such a clear light that they appear indefensible.

Marcel Proust (as cited in de Botton, 1997) wrote an essay about a young man who was bored with ordinary life circumstances but enraptured by costly artworks that only the very wealthy couid fiord. Proust proposed to tnuisform the young man so that he could appreciate the beauty of everyday existence by introducing him to paintings by

Jean-Baptiste Chardin at the Louvre in Paris. Chardin's subjects are mundane objects and happenhgs: he portrays people engaged in &y-to-&y activities such as reading, sewing, shopping and iastiucting children. Similarly, Chardin paints kitchen utensils, dishes and food in a marner that is "extraordinarily beguiling and evocative" (de Botton, 1997, p.

135). Proust speculated that the young man wodd have a new perspective: "When you walk around a kitchen, you will say to yourself, this is interesting, this is grand, this is beautifid like a Chardin" (Proust as cited in de Botton, 1997, p. 136). Leah, like Proust, sees the beauty and promise in "extraordhary-ordinas;" people and situations. Her work with senior's is an act of engagement, mutual leaming and transformation: "1 always corne out ahead personally when I work with seniors. When you hear people's stories, you become a different person; then is a perspective lransformation. There is a constant growth."

in ber relationships with others, Leah celebrates difference and makes connections so that participants gain from mutual sharing. Her theme of diversity is about valuing and respecting variety and unlikeness among people. Leah expresses cornmitment to diversity through her open-mindedness, cuiosity and eagemess to leam through experience with others. Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik (as cited in Besdin, 1979) describes receptiveness to another:

To recognize a penon is not just to identify him [sic] physically. It is more than that: it is an act of identifjring him existentially as a person who has a job to do that only he cm do properly. To recognize a penon means to affiithat he is irreplaceable. To hurt a person means to tell him that he is expendable, that there is no need for him. (p.221)

Leah's receptivity is more than a fiiendly disposition toward others. She affums others so that they feel that they belong and have something to contn'bute. Men 1 spend time with

Leah, 1 always experience myseif as an interesting person who can contnbute in a worthwhile manner to Our relationship and to the world. Similarly, in a group context she bas a disming interest and opemess to new perspectives that contnites to depth of sharing and disclomte that talres place. Her sûuggle for equality has led her to challenge the low expectations of seniors' leaming capacities and to ameliorate their disadvantaged position in society thugh public action. Leah's interest in working with seniors was piqued when she went to interview old people and could not fhd them regardless of age! She recalls her attempt to interview "old people" for research: "the people 1 inte~ewedwere changing and growing. They weren't old." The vaiuing of diversity is the prïsm that she uses to constmct equality. Three aspects of her personal-professional work in the public domain reflect ber diversity perspective: developing relationships that bridge differences, choosing a location outside of center and enacting a social change process to facilitate the empowement of seniors.

Differences in another appear to be assets only when one is accepting of self.

According to Leah, the prerequisite for caring relationships with others is self-love: "If you don't love yourself then you can't love your neighbour." Chaffee (1998) maintains that love for self and other are inseparable and synergistic:

Respect for your own integrity and uniqueness, love of yourself, canwt be separated nom love and respect for another individual. In this sense, love is indivisible: An active stnving for the growth and happiness of the person you love enhances your capacity to love. (p. 353)

Leah honours her unique lehgstyle: 4 know this about myself; the most learning I have is in my interactions with people." She recognizes that other people learn in different ways: "If you've corne here for lectures, this is not the class for you. It's not the way 1 do it, and it's not what I'm gooâ at doing." She uses her specific abilities to do authentic work: "For me it bas ken an integration of the personal and professional." She feels positive about her original contri'bution and the way it extends to others. In tems of divmity, Leah maintains "you can lem hmanybody; be open to that, be ready for that and don? judge people." She mates an atmosphere for two-way movement on the bridge between people who are diflerent. Age, education and disability are not impediments for her. She has a cornpelling warmth and sense of humour in her interactions with people. She expresses surprise when she is unable to establish a bridge with another person: "1 can't find a way to connect with everybody, which is always a shock to me! It's a huge disappointment because Lord knows 1 try!"

Sometimes, when Leah joins a group, she wonders, "What do we have in cornmon?"

Then afler a few minutes of sharing she says, "1 get swept away with these marvelow people. Then is reciprocity." She discloses information about herself and shares the

Uisights or "epiphanies" that she gains from other members of the group. She discovers similarity in difference and assists people to realize that it is acceptable, even valuable, to hold different opinions or views. Leah nurtures the ethic of respect for differences. In tenns of her own learning, Leah seeks diversity and strives to continually grow and

leam.

Leah's doctoral thesis, completed in the early 1980'9, explores the CO-creationof meaning through dialogue with people and text. Her valuing of diversity was evident at that tirne. She challenged the familiar and pwedthe Utlfamiliar. Du~gencounters with other cultures she learned to reinterpret her own world by incorporating aspects of the unfamiliar into it. Leah experienced the space mated between people who entend

into dialogue as energy-fdIed and tramformative. Leah values being part of diverse communities and she chooses to maintain a peripheral position within each of them. She welcomcs the search, risk, stmggle and choice of options that exist outside the mainstnam: "Men you are swept away by conventional order, you become nmow and stop growing." Four properties of marginalization are "intermediacy," bbdifferentiation,""power" and "voice" (Hall,

Stevens & Meleis, 1994, p. 25). By consciously maintaining a peripheral position, Leah enjoys the advantages of marginalization without experienciag its disadvantages. The property of intennediacy "refea to the quality of 'betweenness"' (p.25). From this standpoint, Leah acts as a mediator of diverse perspectives fkom center to margin. For instance, she calls the men who participate in groups "the great men of the world because it hasn' t traditionally been a man's thing to talk." Differentiation is a quality that refen to a center of dominant practices and beliefs and an increase in divenity with movement away fkom the center. Leah is a critical thinker who enjoys peripheral positions that provide flexibility and varied perspectives. The person positioned at the center exercises expert and coercive %erarchical power" whereas the person at the periphery uses the

"horizontal power" of innovation and opposition (Hall, Stevens & Meleis, 1994, p. 27).

Leah exercises horizontal power in ber experiential leaming approach to group learning.

Finally, the property of voice 'Ts defined as the languages and fonns of expression characterizhg marginalized sub-cultures" (Hall, Stevens & Meleis, 1994, p. 3 1). Leah believes that the dominant discourse silences older adults: "Seniors were disadvantaged in the sense that society didn't see them as good candidates for learning; everybady thought older people couldn't change." She amibutes the groups' success, in part, to the fact that "seniors are not made to feel different." She sums up her desire to be at the margins: "As soon as the periphery becornes mainstrearn, 1 find new margins."

Leah was part of a tearn that developed a practicd manuaI to guide others to conduct groups for seniors to prornote personal growth and to practice pm-helping skills. The manual inchdes content related to normal age changes, effective confrontation, life review, loss and grieving, and support systems. This content corresponds to the catalysts to change outlined by Lord and Hutchison (1993): life transitions, new information and confirmation of strengths. The group format enables seniors to participate in experiential leaming at theù desued level, either as participants or leaders. Lord and Hutchison (1993) defme empowerment "as processes whereby individuals achieve increasing control of various aspects of their lives and participate in the community with dignity" (p. 7). Dorothy was a group member and het story exemplifies this process. As a group participant Dorothy used strengths from her former office manager job and added new interpersonal skills to her repertoue. in the group program she became empowered to serve her cornmunity as church caseworker and to relate to ber family more effectively. The program offered new opportunities for growth and se~cethat enabled her to contribute to her own and others quality of life.

Leah's need to grow and lem leads ber to encounters with variety and difference.

She welcomes and celebrates diversity in her iife and work. Her enthusiasm to use her gih for self-fulnllment and to serve others is a mode1 for authentic action. Leah's appreciation of diversity promotes e@ty in social relations; she occupies a position at the margin that is open to many perspectives and voices. Leah's group work is an effort in community-building that empowea seniors, who are often devalued, to act as peer helpers for others. Part of the success of her program is based on the recognition that each petson has unique and distinctive gih to shm. Leah nflects on the value of diversity: "1 lemmore about people when we aren't al1 the same."

"Hope" is the thing with feathers- That perches in the soul- And sings the tune without the words- And never stops-at dl- -Emily Dickinson (as cited in Webster's dictionary of quotations, 1995, p. 201)

During one of my classes in the doctoral program rny teacher asked the students,

"What is the absolute foundation of your work?" 1 knew immediately that my answer was

'%ope." 1 require hope for creation. 1 recall incidents in my childhood when 1 vacillated between &opeand despair and it was the hope that ultimately surfaced. My mother was amuied to the suffering of others locally and intemationally, so my hope became intemivined with a sense of connection to disadvantaged people. Hope is not sentimental.

It bas practical expressions that involve taking stock of situations and then shaping a vision of the fùture to diminish inequalities and support social justice. I was inspired to hope by seven women educators whose life histories informed me fiom standpoints that were different fiom my own. According to Weedon (1999), standpoint social theory

"aims to take account of a range of different and interrelated forms of oppression" (p.

134). By interacting directly with oppressed people, the research participants gain clearer undetstandings of inequalities nom their perspectives. The standpoint becornes clearer as the distinctions between ideologies that zre taken for gnuited are challenged by views more consonant with the experience and conditions of oppressed people. Nancy Hartsock

(as cited in Weedon, 1999) describes how one standpoint cm reveal relationsbips that are concealed hmdiffemit standpoints:

[qhe concept of a standpoint rests on the fact that there are some perspectives on society fiom which, however well intentioned one may be, the mal relations of humans with each other and with the natural world are not visible. (p. 137)

Instead of the positivist's "conquering gaze from nowhere" (Weedon, 1999, p.149) the research participants are embodied in the world that they generate knowledge about.

Their standpoints may not be visible to othen. In this inquiry, 1 endeavour to make aspects of these various standpoints visible. My authentic service is to create visions that challenge conventions to promote equality and to share those visions with others.

Hope is a conviction that what is desired is also possible. Erik Erikson (as cited in Evans, 1969) maintains that hope is a profound human sentiment that is a part of our human evolutionary legacy: " .. . hope is a very basic human strength without which we couldn't stay dive, and not something invented by theologians or philosophers" (p. 17).

In this inquiry, the theme of hope is not simply equated with optimism. Saul(1995a) rerninds us that when optimism is advanced as an appropnate social attitude "it is an infantalizing force which removes the individual's conscious power to criticize, refuse and DOül3T' (p. 224). In other words, optimism can be instrumental in maintaining an unjust statu quo. Hope, on the other hand, recognizes that what is missing in an oppressive situation can be changed through imaginative efforts. Hope is enmeshed with doubt in the creative disjunctive moment that enables one to recognize injustice and to embrace new possibilities for advancing equaiity. For me, the Peace Mask conveys this synthesis of hope and suffiering.

On a recent holiday in British Columbia, 1had the opportunity to meet Sam

Robinson, a woodcarver from the Haisla Nation. He had done an exquisite carving called the Peace Mask. The mask is intended to stand at the entrance ofa Chief s home to welcome visitors. The smooth polished surface of the bleached cottonwood mask has six oval inlays of abalone, four large ones at the vertical and horizontal axes and two smaller ones to fonn the eyes. The facial features are distinctive: archeci eyebrows, high cheekbones, recessed eyes, flat nose and full lips. The composed facial expression has an air of mystery and sorrow; three tears nin down each side of the face. Masks are symbols of transformation that are equivalent to the metamorphoses of the chrysalis (Cirlot,

1990). The Peace Mask is an evocative artwork that conveys profound meanings.

1 remembered incidents with Native Canadian people from my experience as a young student nurse. I witnessed Mr. Abram, with a leg wound, receiving inhumane treatment in hospital. In a second incident, 1 accompanied a public health nurse on a home visit to follow up on school cornplaints that a 10 yearsld boy had repeated absences. When we arrived at the one-rwm home, the mother explained that her son spent the day searching for scraps of wood to heat their home; in fact the boy was just retuming nom mch a trip wearing clothes that were fat too light for the windy, cold autumn day. Public health senices had nothing to offer the family because shelter and clothing were not included in the mmdated services. These incidents highiight oppressive aspects of a conventional order that stigmatizes indigenous people and marginalizes the poor.

The Peace Mask is a symbol of the many things that 1have leamed fiom indigenous people since my student days. Changes in my consciousness that relate to promoting equality are reflected in the mask: the synthesis of peace and dering, the redefinition of beauty, the intersections of oppression and privilege, and the refusal to stigmatize. When the mask is displayed it symbolizes a welcoming gesture of peace and spontaneous tears of sorrow. The Peace Mask expresses the art of welcoming in a multifaceted way that embraces both presence of hope and good will, and a history of suffering. It is a powerful visual representation that engages one's emotions and aesthetic appreciation while its meaning remains ambiguous and unstable. The meaning of the

Peace Mask is connected to both the artwork and its title. Human encounters that generate peace are prefened sips of hope in a world where conflict and inequalities prevail.

The mask woodcarving presents features-broad nose, thick lips, and unapologetic tean-that do not conform to the idealized, ethnocentric European concept of beauty. The mask connotes a redefinition of beauty that is detennined fiom the inside and not extemally imposed. The broad nose is devalued as a diEerence that diverges hmthe, so-called, desirable nom. The thick collagen lips that are wwin vogue are a newly designated positive nom dissociated hmpeople nanually endowed with full lips. nie fm expression of emotions and feeling is a iiiiirating expression that contrasts to the mask of consirained intellectualism. The Peace Mask conveys hop because it featms a countenance of self-acceptance and emotional integrity that enable people to welcome others who are different, to make theu unique contniution to the world and to caullst peacefully with others.

The symbolic chgreminds me of the intersections of oppression and pnvilege that have shaped lives and e~chedor stilted the opportunitics of people. Histocically colonizers have been privileged because of the oppression of aboriginal peoples: indigenous people throughout the world have experienced centuries of genocide due to colonization. The present can be imbued with hope and meaning if we have the courage to examine our sites of oppression and privilege, and to assume responsibility for our positions in relationship to others. There is no way to compensate for al1 the injustices of the past but we can contest oppression in order to promote equality.

As a practice-oriented person, I am inspired by comrnunity work that contests the conventional order of labeling il1 people as different. 1 attended a mental bealth conference featuring Kiwi Tamasese, a Samoan family therapist fiom New Zealand. A group of Native Canadian dnunmea from a youth treatment center had been invited to perfom. The musicians were a combination of youth workers and youths in treatment but their particular roles were deliberately withheld. The disabling label was removed. Al1 the audience saw was a cohesive group of young males, sirnilarly dresseci, creating soulfûl music together. The group members acted in solidarity with one another. Their non-hierarchical alliance provides a positive example of the dignity and respect that egalitarian relationships between professionals and consumers can engender. Hope is one of the positive emotions that include humour, love, purpose and faith.

1enjoy creating new visions and possibiiities for action by reflecting on relationships.

The stories of people who are committed to transfonning oppressive aspects of their situations serve as models for me. The Peace Mask is syrnbolic of my own metamorphosis from a student nurse conforming to an oppressive systern into a person

lemming to contest injustice to promote eqyality. The visual woodcanring represents

ongoing processes of social justice work: experiencing victocies and hardsbips

simultaneously, re-defining normative States, recognizing intersections of privilege and

oppression, and refusing to label others. Like my parents, my quest to promote equality is

a spiritual jouniey that is connected to day-to-day experience. Hope fills the gap between

the realities of daily life and the vision of a preferred fiiture.

Social Activism and Interconneethg Themes

Each woman in this study has a distinctive way of being a social activist.

However, within these distinctive modes, their themes intersect to reveal issues of

cornmon interest and concern. Four issues arise that relate to social activism. In the first

place, there is an issue of balancing one's life to maintain persona1 strength and to

prevent burnout or dis-ease. It is important to note that iliness is not always associated

with burnout in this inquiry. Kathryn, for example, believes that it was natural for her

body to have a physical response to al1 the changes bat she underwent; it was part of her

process of transformation. Secondly, the presence or absence of gender equality within

their original families had an influence on their forniaton as activists. In the third place,

the women shared aspirations for personai growth in order to be authentic and to do

authentic work. And fmally, the research participants have a prociivity for leaming through concrete experience by connecting action and meaning. Preventing bumout, the effects of gender inequality, the quest for authenticity and practice-based theory are now descnibed.

Social activists who aiign themselves with disadvantaged people are often vulnerable to buniout because of the excessive and ummitting demands of their proactive work. Burnout is an experience of psychological collapse that is characterized by a tnad of human responses: baving negative perceptions of care recipients, disrespecthg one's own work and feeling profound psychological exhaustion (Janssen, de Jonge, & Baker, 1999; Omdahl & O'Domeii, 1999). According to Hans Selye

(1975)' "stress is the spice of life" (p. 83) whereas distress is "hannful, unpleasant stress"

(147). Many of the research participants descnie the challenge of achieving balance between positive conditions that energize them and negative conditions that immobilize them. Based on research tindings and the women's experiential knowledge, 1 now explore conditions that either contribute to burnout or provide an exnotional inoculation against it: laughter, affirmation of ideals, engagement in work, opposition and hostility.

Biological research has established what has long been hownwithin spirituai traditions: laughter improves people's heaith and ability to release tension (Wooten,

1996). According to Berk (1989a, 1989b) laughter strengthens the ability of the hune system to ward off illness and disease. When 1 was transding the research interviews, 1 noted that the women's stories were punctuated with laughter. Lauren values the gifb of the homeless people that she serves including their sense of humour. For research participants and care recipients alike, humour is an empowering form of ~e~expression: "Humor gives us a diffierent perspective on our problems, and, with an attitude of detachment, we feel a sense of self-protection and control in our environment" (Wooten,

1996, p. 53). Laughter changes the meaning of situations by transfomiing negative affect into feelings of hop and optimism (Cousins, 1979). Laughter is a powemil antidote to stress that protects these women from bumout.

An effective selficare strategy to prevent burnout arnong human se~ceproviders is to reinterpret and intensifi the meaning of one's ideals in practice (Hover-Knimer,

Mabbett, & Shames, 1996). This strategy can be realized by engaging in reflective practice that focuses on meanings created in particular situations through social interactions with others and self (Lauterbach & Becker, 1996). Kathrya, who is committed to growth, describes the consequences of ber intense self-reflection: "1 became il1 as a result of doing my authentic work, about having the question of my own legitimacy go vey deep." Her search for meaning was penetrating and she used the meaning of the experience to change both her identity and her actions. Jasmine's purpose is to bring justice to the world and she is true to this pupose even in the face of opposition. Her 'protection fiom burnout" resides in being both a "an activist" and a

"disciplined meditation student." For lasmine, her cornmitment to holistic health guides her to merge the hard path of social activism with the soh path of spiritual meaning. The person committed to a meaningful purpose possesses an energy that preserves one fiom the boredom, fear and pessimism that pncede and accompany burnout.

In this inquiry, the researcb participants are energetic supporters of oppressed groups. Their personal energy to engage in this work is increased when their attention is captured in the moment. ui Czikszentmihalyi's (1990) extensive research, he calIs this state of happy and engaged attention a i'fîow" state. Flow is

the state in which people are so involved in an activity that notbing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it. (p. 4)

Leah describes her absorbed engagement with senior's groups: "When you hear people's stories, you become a diffennt perron. 1aiways corne out personally ahead when 1work with seniors." At kt,when Leah entes a new group, she wonders what she has in common with them and then she is swept away by "these marvelous people." Similarly,

Moira describes a session at a moral re-armament conference she attended in

Switzerland: "It changed my life forever. In one roorn, 1 met people fiom every walk of life and the four corners of the world. We were dealing with morality and spirituality-of human beings loving and respecting each other. 1 had already started thinking like that, but it broadened my thought processes." Activists who are enthusiastic leamers and active group participants inmlate themselves from bumout.

When activists challenge injustices in the dominant order that are not publicly acknowledgeà, they enter into diffcu1t and often unpopular, unpleasant stniggles. For example, people who deny the systemic presence of racism in society meet anti-racist initiatives with opposition or even hostility. Marable (1996) attributes the denial of racism to The seductive illusion that equality betsveen races bas been achieved, and that the activîsm characteristic of the previous generation's &dom struggies is no longer relevant to contemporary realities" (p. 1%). The emneous perception of racial equality that impedes progressive change is cumntiy king challenged Hagey and MacKay

(2000) recommend anti-racist training to address ineqgalities that exist within the aursing profession in order "to make racialist discourse see-able" @. 55). Social activists take risks in aligning themselves with oppressed people, and these risks can nsult in tbreats to their health and well-being.

Jasmine's anti-racist work causes ber great persona1 distress because faculty and students at the University are uawilling to examine their racist biases: bbantira~ist education is tokenized here." She expressed concem about her mental health bccause of the intensity and dishonesty of the opposition that she encounten as an activist. Lawn experienced a delayed grief response to the accumulation of deaths of homeless people, and her disappointment at the lack of govemment action to protect these vulnerable people. She realizes that workea in this field ohput their own health at risk. Lauren safeguards her health by receiving collegial support, protecting her schedule, exercising at the gym and being gentle with herself. It is the lack of public consciousness and action about the plight of the oppressed groups that causes the activists' distress and dis-ease rather than their close association with vulnerable people.

Most of the women expressed some concern about achieving and maintainhg a personal balance that will enable them to continue their work. Laughter energizes hem by allaying stress and provoking positive feelings. The women are committed to achieving worthwhile purposes and this impetus pmvides strength and focus for them to do their work The research participants' ability to be immersed and pnsent in "flow"

States offea persona1 confirmation of connections with others. Finally, these women are conscious of injustices that are not part of the conventionai ocder and they take risks in their efforts to effect change in the direction of equality. John Rawls (1999) asserts that '%e family is a crucial case for seeing whether the single system-the basic sûuc~ordsequal justice to both men and women" (p.

162). From his perspective, gender eqdity mates a voluntary division of labour within the family that afTords equal oppomuiities for males and females. This primary institution is the comerstone for the equality of citizens of a democracy. Values that are attached to the family include "the freedom and equality of women, the equality of children as hture citizens.. ." (p. 163). In order to assess the inclusivity of public goveming systems, it is

useful to "map the ways in which our own thinking bas been afTected by oppression"

(Morales, 1998, p. 124). Among the research participants and the researcher there are

different family experiences that relate to gender equality: Kathryn, Winified and 1

experienced unequal gender famiiy relations whereas Lauren, lasmine, Leah, Moira and

Sarah were encouraged to be equal family citizens. Based on the life histories, these

formative experiences contribute to two different responses: resistance and entitlement. 1

explore these responses as they relate to the research phenornenon.

Although resistance by women is oflen pathologized, it cmbe a positive,

constructive and imaginative response to oppressive situations. in fact, a history of unjust

treatment is associated with "prudent, creative, and detemined resistance" (Wade, 1997,

p. 23). In childhood, when domination is bard to resist, the response may be muted as it is

in this Ethiopian proverb: "When the grand lord passes the wise pesant bows deeply and

silently farts" (as cited in Scotî, 1990, p. v). 1was raised in a family that gave material

advaatages and preferential treatrnent to its male members. As a young person, 1thought that my brothers needed extra assistance to "make it" as adults because, in my mihi, they codd not measure up to rny talented older sister. 1 was well hto my adulthood before 1 recognized the unequal status that women held in my family of origin. I was deteded to establish more egalitarian gender relatioaships within my family and at work.

My personal knowledge prepared me to challenge unjust inequalities and ultimately to undertake this research study. 1 find resisting, or 'pushing the boundaries" as Kathryn says, to be an energizing, validating and productive approach to advancing equality. Winified's power to resist gives her a clear view of the devaluation of disciplines that have historicdly been linked to home and to women: "As 1 was coming to love womanhood, 1 also had to recognize al1 the ways it's peripheralized and that felt extremely painfûl to me." Jane Martin (2000) claims that in the West we "assume that love, numulince, and the 3 Cs of cm,concern, and comectioiwll qualities associated with the private home and with womemun counter to education's raison d'être" (p.

49). The limited space for inclusive feminine perspectives was evident to Winifnd when she tried to resist a hgrnented way of examining oppressive power. She was humiliated and publicly criticized for presenting unpopular views about the interrelated nature of different fonns of discrimination. Resistance is a leamed behaviour that is acquired in incremental stages as one becomes conscious of different sites of oppression.

While al1 research participants demonstrated a resiliency or capacity to initiate and recover hmchange, the women raised in homes with greater gender equality expcessed a sense of entitlement that sustains them in their work. Entitlemeat dflm fiom the resistance msporw in that these women seem have less stniggie about their right to challenge conventional order. Their claim to power is a naturai extension of the respect and staais that they enjoyed within their family of origineThe childhood experience of equality prepares the woman to take her rightful place in the adult world .

Moira explains: Y grew up howing myself, respecthg myself, and expecthg people to respect (not tolerate) me." When she was subjected to racist treatment upon her arriva1 in Canada, her resolve to promote equity for herself and others was strengthened.

Sarah says that her parents were "very devoted to the family" and that her accomplishments were respected. Thus, Sarah wields a strong sense of self-eficacy as well as enthusiasm: "Drop me in a classroom and I'm okay." During her youth, Leah and her sister argued with their father and he "allowed that kind of intellectual pursuit." Her father's interpersonal skills nurtured her interest in people and in diversity. Leah leamed to welcome change and to be open to unconventional perspectives: "Everybody thought that older people couldn't change. 1 don? always believe what they say, whoever they are. 1 wonder about a lot of things." Childhood affinnation of equality rights provides these women with a sense of equilibnum; they approach challenges fkom a positon of strength and confidence.

The treatment of gender equality within a family generates different responses to social activism. The women who expenenced gender inequality during childhood learned to resist while those raised in egalibrian households felt entitied to express their persona1 agency. Resistance can be a creative and equality promoting force. Equality in childhood is a gift that sustains and uplih the adult person. Al1 the women in this inquiry are tiying to build authentic relatioaships as good neighbors to disadvantaged people. 1use the parable of the Good Samaritan as a metaphor of what it means to be authentic in relationship. Upon encoutering a Jew who is wounded at the side of the road, the Samaritan is moved by his predicament, tends to his injuries and makes provisions for his recovery. Ivan Illich (as cited in Cayley, 2000),

Benner (as cited in Hubley, 1997) and John Rawls (1999) provide different renderings of this story that illustrates the social processes involved in authentic relationships.

According to Ivan Illich, this story explores the Samaritan's embodied response to the suffering of another in the here and now. Although the Samaritan was fiom a different culture, he was "moved in his belly" and he 'iuiderstood the state of misery" of the wounded traveler. The Samaritan heard, sensed, and intuited what the wounded man wanted of him at that moment. Illich honours the authenticity of the Samaritan's presence in contrast to the abstract and disembodying nsponses of people who act according to parameters set out by institutions within contemporary society. To Illich an authentic relationship requires personal presence in the moment that is not hgmented or reduced to abstractions or fomulaic interactions.

Patrîcia Benner descnies the authentic nurse-person relationship in ternis of the

Good Samaritan parable. Compassionate care of the stranger is based on an awareness of one's own vulnerability and a willingness to be open to a mutual relationship. Paulo

Freire (as cited in hooks, 1994b) calls this alliance "authentic help":

Authentic help means that al1 who are involved help each other mutuaily, growing together in the common effort to understand the ditywhich they seek to tramform. Only through such praxidwhich those who help and those who are king helped help each other simultaneousl~anthe act of helping becorne fixe hmthe distortion in which the helper dominates the helped. (p. 54)

Authentic relationships open space for all participants to be fully present in ways that are original and genuine.

John Rawls (1999) maintains that the Good Samaritan story embodies political values as well as religious and philosophical ones. Two political issues related to justice apply in this instance. in the frst place, in a fiee and democratic state people "have a duty to assist other peoples living under unfavorable conditions. .." (p. 37). Secondly, people have a responsibility to reduce the gap between rich and poor because "such a gap oAen leads to some citizens being stigmatized and being treated as ideriors, and that is unjust" (p. 1 14). The political values that arise out of the Good Samaritan story relate to matters of democratic govemance and distributive justice. People in democracies have a duty to assist those in dimcult circumstances and a responsibility to respectfully include everyone in the human community.

The women's life histories are replete with references to authentic work, mutual relationships, respect for difference and inclusion of oppressed people. Sarah desmis the mutuality of her relationships with her students: 'Wurturing goes on here-touching, wannth, openness. They're very candid and it satisfies something very deep inside me." khn Miller (2000) maintah that a teacher who is such a caring presence "cm nourish the student's soul" (p. Ml). The student is contirmed by both giviug and receiving nuturance. Sarah welcomes a cornputer-based "living newspaper" for students because it has the potentiai to be a vehicle of leamhg for ail students: "It's up to us to decide how to make this excitings democratic and open, and not oniy for good wciters and highiy motivated kids." Her goal is to showcase every student's dents. Moira is dedicated to social justice work that empowecs people to treat one another with love and respect. She derives hope fiom young people who have the courage to confiont discrimination in their daily lives: "1 was thrilled because young people were given an award for the production of a short video on anti-racism in the school system. It's an empowement thing. Young people are taking the lead to stop name-cafling and jokes by saying, 'Well, no, it's not a joke, if you hurt somebody by calling them a name, then it also hurts me."' She practices the inclusive love ethic to prornote human relations within public institutions. Each research participant has a unique and particular way of intervening to aid wounded travelers without valorking the helper. The women are attuned to others in context so that they cm work with hem, in mutual relations, to achieve common goals.

Life history research is a way of seeking knowledge by exploring people's stories of action and sense-making within socially interactive situations. This inquiry provides first hand accounts of activists who interact with, and have empathic connections to, oppressed people. Although the research participants have strong academic preparation, theu theory "both grows out of and guides activism in a continuing spiralhg process"

(Bunch as cited in Martin, 2000, p. 37). Their practice-oriented work is infonned by the life circumsuuices of the people with whom they work and draws on theory as it relates to actual happenings. in contrast, Martin (2000) maintains that the academy typically relies on theory-based practice that is removed fmm the actuai lives of people:

In tuniing male and female members alike away hmthe iived experience of real people in the real world, and espec~*alIyhm society's desperately urgent problems, the academy creates a "brain drain" within the culture at large. (p. xxiv) The women in this research are committed to doing work that makes a daetence in the lives of the people that they serve. Such a practice-based apptoach is itseif a way of contesting conventional order withh the academy. The women's stories attest to the power of deriving theones of action by king irnmersed in practical realities.

Elbaz ( 1980) describes Sarah's capacity to use practical knowledge in her teaching. In this inquiry, Sarah tells stories of practice that make clear linkages between ber actions and ber ongoing interpretations of those actions. In one instance, she describes how she decided to provide more structure or scaffolding for students with more limited backgrounds: "1, on my own, edged toward that and a landmark article dvedat the same conclusion." Sarah is committed to work for positive change because the children that she works with are important to her: "Every kid counts."

Kathryn chose to challenge the academy's theory-based tradition that separates self and other, and "thought from action'' (Martin, 2000, p. 129) by engaging in practice- based theorizing: "1 went to the autobiographicai form to write myself in as someone who was very clearly creating knowledge of a particular movement." in essence,

Kathryn's original work was breaking the binaries between theory and practice: "the very idea that theory and practice are on par challenges the prevailing cultural assumption that a male-associated activity is better than a female one" (Martin, 2000, p. 133). Kathryn maintains that human se~cepmviders who are committed to work for change do so because "the people that they are working with become Unportant to them." The mearch participant adopt a ferninist approach that, accordhg to Vijay Agnew (1996), comprehends reality fiom the oppresseci people's standpoint. Social activism is comected to responsibilities and actions rooted in the world of experience. The women in this study forge original practice-based theory based on personal biowing that arises in response to others. To celebrate the originality entailed in the expression of practice- based theory, 1 descriie a "rainbow of possibilities."

In this life history research, each woman has a unique appeanuice that is visible in her visioning and re-visioning of her life work. I use colour to represent the ways that the women present themselves as people who contest the status quo to promote equality.

Lauren appears in purple to symbolize the spiritual connectedness of al1 people in a shared humanity. Jamine wears a bright red colour that reveals her highly visible, assertive and courageous connection to her life work. Sarah's intense orange colour conveys her embracing and stimulating pmence. My yellow miment reveals a perspective that radiates optimism. Kathryn's light green portents a sense of expectancy as tiny tencûils of new growth appear in the fertile soil. Moira's dark green garment nflects the harmony of old growth forests where diverse life foms flourish in shared environs. Winifred's blue robe illuminates an expansiveness that opens space for genuine dialogue and full participation. Leah's indigo apparel unites the complexities of life, such as joy and somw, in the spontaneity of the moment. In the next chapter there is an symbolic synthesis of the women's stories; their colours flow together in vivid spîrals that expand and contract creative possibilities.

Social activistn is a life ski11 ihat offers many rewards and possible pitfalls.

Personal energy can be preserved by expressing mirthfil laughter, working toward an ideal, king enthusiastically engrossed with others and anticipating opposition. Formative experiences of equality foster a sense of entitlement that enables one to coafbnt present situations with confidence. Conversely, the natumi reaction to the experience of gender inequality in childhood is resistance. The spirit is nourished when people are engrossed with one another in caring and compassionate ways and with mutual regard. Finally, the comection of sense-making and actions fosters a dialogical space for mutual decision making that promotes autonomy and human dignity. These four issues, illustrated by die women's stories, are important considerations for the development of skills related to social activism.

In this inquiry, the research phenomenon of contesthg conventional order to promote equality is examined hmfour vantage points: the conditions involved, the experience involved, its meaning from the perspective of the research participants and its social processes as illuminated by the life histories. The life histories explore conditions within society that are revealed by focusing on the research phenomenon. By conditions,

I mean the existing circumstances that are an inherent part of the phenomenon. Within the conventional order people adhere to points of view that are in conformity with those oftheir neighbours. In conhast, the research participants contest conventional order and resist conformity by developing novel and original ideas to initiate change in the direction of equality. The wornen in the study challenge entrenched habits by viewing the situation using equality lenses. innovations create an atmosphere of uncertainty because change dismpts the routine and has unpredictable outcornes. Certainty is a feature of elite groups who confonn to the status quo in a way that is nmoved hmthe concems of oppressed people. For example, merence is accepted witbin the conventional order untii oppressive aspects of it are challenged. The use of value neutral words to denote difference such as "diversity" and "ethnicity" are acceptable, even desirable, whereas words such as 'bracism" and "white privilege" are viewed as contentious and provocative.

The research participants grapple with the uncertainty and opposition that accompanies change fiom oppressive to more egalitarian social systerns. Social conditions that accompany the phenornenon of contesting conventional order include uncertainty and possibilities for change.

The expenence of the research phenomenon requires people who are open- minded and attentive to the needs, abilities and ingenuity of the "othei' in response to conditions of uncertainty. The experience of contesting conventional order to promote equality is a dynamic enactrnent of change that entails nsk-taking, being subject to criticism by opponents, viewing one's actions toward goals in a critical light and constituting new ways of advancing the well-being of disadvantaged people and society.

The research participants are actively involved in innovative work that holds no guarantee of success. Some of the research participants have the sense of swimrning upstream against an entrenched and unjust statu quo. Gramsci's words (as cited in

Casey. 1993, p. 156) reflect the notion of struggling against great odds: "Pessimism of the intelligence; optimism of the will." Research participants express this sentiment by their determination to act even when they believe that oppression, such as racism and the privileging of certain knowledges, will cernain a dominant force. I uncovered three nom that were an integral part of the research participants' experiences: agency, integrity and respect. They are bound together by these comrnon noms or relationai ways of king: they are agents of change, authors of integral standpoints and believers Ïn the dignity of the human being.

In this research, the unique and historically situated meaning of contesting conventional order to promote equality is elaborated hmthe perspective of research participants. Each woman cbronicles stories of deliberate acts aimed to contest the status quo to promote equality within her practice. The research participants al1 yeam to show concem and consideration to disadvantaged people and enhance theu opportunities and well-behg. The women describe a variety of sources that inspire their work: religious and spiritual teachings, the beauty of beauty, political goals, people who act as exemplars, pragmatic concems for the present, family influences. The niationships that they develop within the context of their work enable them to express themselves authentically. They realize bat, like equality, theù work will always be evolving and developing. There is no end and the transcendence cornes in the process of mabg meaning. They are sustained by their authentic work and uplifted by the advancement of others.

The final research question involves gaining knowledge about the social processes involved in contesting conventional order to promote equaiity. In this nsearch,

the quest for equality is directed at creathg a more level playing field so that people are

less disadvantaged because of their age, class, race, sex, sexual orientation or mite of

health.

According to Bertaux (198 l), ïve live in societies where al1 social processes involve

some form of domination" (p. 33). In this study aspects of domination in the conventionai order that are usually hidden are revealed The educators work in diverse ways to assist oppressed people to acquire oppoctunities and resources, and to build their capacities. The research participants are originators who do authentic work; they are conscious of inequality and they use theù talents to act responsibly. In theù transfomative work, the women are uplifted by the people they serve and oppressed by those who oppose theu efforts toward social justice. In this in- the creation of a more level playing field is always a joint venture between the people who are subject to discrimination and the research participants who work as their allies. It takes intense work to level the playing fieid at al1 because of the terrible irnbalance created over time and normalized within Western culture. The women educators use their knowledge, experience and power to work in concert with disadvantaged people to promote equality and citizenship entitlements.

Chapter Six Summary

in Chapter Six, 1 chose a theme for each woman who participated in the research as it mse out of her equality-seeking work and life. Rupose, equity, enthusiasm, inclusion, growth, passion, diversity and hope are the eight themes; each wornan has a dominant theme as well as a reflection of the other themes in her stones. The description of each person's theme included an introduction to relevant social processes. The interconnection of the women's themes was explored hmthe perspective of social activism. In particular four issues that pertain to social activism were described: personal energy, gender family relations, authentic king and practice-based theory. A "rainbow of possibilities" represents the women in this inquiry and illustrates theu unique way of being social activists. In conclusion, 1provide an overview of ways that the research hdings link to the research questions.

Chapter Seven joins together the women's life histories so that both diverse themes and deeper shared values (noms) are descnid in response to the research questions. Symbolicaily, the "Inclusive Eye" provides a synthesis of the three nom that emerged fiom the inquiry. Fuially, the movement toward uni@ among those who contest conventional order to promote equaiity is descriied. CHAPTER SEVERI

GATHERING WOMEN'S STORES

htead of posing existential questions that are too big to answer, the women in this inquiry have the capacity to acquire and use howledge pertaining to expetience- sized questions: What is my life about? How can I make a differeace? Rather than confonning to oppressive noms, they choose alternative ways of being and acting that oppose and ameliorate injustices. Paradoxically, it is in answering the cal1 of others that they discover answers for their own lives. They recognize spinhial bonds with others that traverse social, cultural, economic and political bordea.

Gathering is a metaphor for tying together the women's life histories as 1 explore the phenomenon of contesting conventional order to promote equality. The research participants are bound together by three cornmon noms or relatioaal ways of being: they are agents of change, authors of integral standpoints and believers in the dignity of the person. Al1 of the women act as change agents by perceiving existing inequities and

implementing plans to achieve a more egalitarian order. The women in this inquiry have heightened States of self-awareness and they maintain an integrated viewpoint that merges persona1 and professional aspects of their behg. Each woman's life history conveys her deep respect for others and respect for dflerences. These shared ways of king, when assembled with the original and unique themes that characterize their Me work, comprise responses to the research questions.

When the research process was comlng to an end, 1invited the cesearch participants to a gathering at my home. Five women came to dinner. Two things were apparent to me that evening. Each woman was very different fiom others-there was a splendid diversity. Secondy, there was a deep unity based on unspoken noms within the group. The women were receptive and responsive to the ideas, opinions and experiences of others that were both similar to and different fkom their own. The gathering represented another growth in consciousness and the reweaving of new and different stoties.

During the course of the evening, the group discussed the plight of the homeless in our city. Everyone was concemed about the danger, discornfort and indignities that these people expecience daily, aldiough there was no clear consensus about how the problem could or should be addressed. Lauren, the woman most closely associated with homeless people, had an infomed perspective that opened our eyes to new aspects of the situation. Her standpoint, based on first-band knowledge of the conditions of homelessness and the experiences of homeless people, provoked merdiscussion. No one acted in a dorninating or deferential way in the conversation. New understandings and perspectives emerged from this inclusive group atmosphere.

The themes that instigate change in our lives were reflected in our time together.

While each woman had particular hsights and approaches that expressed her uniq~eness, they also shared fllndarnental noms: agency, integrity and respect. The gathering illustrated bat the women's noms uifonn thek experiences of contesthg conventionai order to promote equality. The bbInclusiveEye" serves as a symbol to represent the womea's common noms and unique themes that emerge hmthis iife history research. The nomestablished in the gathering of women represent a broader system of princi ples underlyiug women' s way of being social ac tivists.

The uIa~lusiveEyew

The "Xnclusive Eye" (figure 1) is a symbol that 1use to sum up the responses to the research questions about the phenornenon of contesting conventional order to promote equality. The almond-sbaped figure is called a mandorla and it repnsents the overlapping and joining of two cùcles (Cirlot, 1990). In its horizontal position the figure takes on the appearance of a human eye. Its symbolically relevant features are the eye, the dark central pupil, the coloured iris with its eight multicolored segments and coloured spirals, and the octagonal shape of the outer iris. 1 describe the symbolic meaning of these relevant features according to the research participants' expressions of noms and themes. The mandorla symbolizes the meaning of the research participants' agency. The eight colours symbolize the themes and the nom of integrity. The eye, with its pupil and

Yis, symbolizes the meaning of the nom of respect.

Ilummhh The research participants' creativity and courage allows them to span the distance between seeing inequalities and acting responsibly to decrease them. In order to see and act they must unite the world of reality to the world of imaginative possibilities. Each circle is a world and the mandorla image cepresents the conjoining of these two worlds.

As agents of change the nsearch participants bear the risks of uncertain outcornes, resistance to change and loss of privilege that are associated with beuig aligned to margînalized people. Al1 the research participants are committed to using their talents to \Figure 1 do authentic work that enhances the well-being of others. The symbol highlights the capacities required of change agents in this inquiry: they mut see injustice, imagine

prefernd fiitures and act to achieve desired goals. The social activist is critically

conscious and acts responsibly. bementsT of th-

The eight colours that form the outer border to the Ws of the eye repcesent the nom of integrity. The outside colour of each segment represents a particular woman's theme and the underlying colours represent the presence of al1 other themes, though less dominant, in each woman's style. Each participant and the researcher are represented by a distinctive colour that corresponds to their authentic expression of self. The nature of each colour is clear in the same way that the character of the woman displays certain specific qualities; colour is distinct and forthright in the same way that the women are honest and holistic in their way of being. Each woman is moved io seek change for different reasons, and integrity is her unique self-expression. Lauren's passion is rnarked by a distinctive deep purple. Jasmine's purpose is depicted by vivid and militant red.

Sarah's enthusiasm is an energetic orange colour. My hope is the colour of sun yellow. A wam light green represents Kathryn's growth. A majestic dark green is the colour of

Moira's equity. Inclusion is Winifred's theme and it is portrayed by an expansive, blue colour. Leah's diversity is illustrated using a bnght, energetic indigo. These eight themes arc complete in themselves, yet, when taken together they fom a rainbow of colours that celebrates uniqueness and diversity. The integrity of these women is manifest in the expression of their unique gifb to achieve the common purpose of promoting equality. The eye is a sensory organ that aiiows us to see others, but not omelves, directly.

The women in this inquiry see others as equal and worthy of respect. Their fùndamental orientation to people reflects a central belief in the dignity and worth of othen. The eye symbolizes the research participants' respect for ciifferences as they focus on people who are disadvantaged in our society. The pupil becomes larger in darkened settings to accommoâate to diminished light. Similarly, it is often the stmggie of king present with oppressed people that enables research participants to achieve new perspectives and enhanced visions about ways of being that accord respect to others. Theu attention to the well-being of others is thoughtfil and empathetic, and, because it relates to their authentic work, ultimately confiiing to them. Mindfulness to othen enables educaton to live in-the-present, amuied to actual challenges and opportunities that arise in the moment.

The "inclusive eye" symbolizes the diverse and multiple ways that people have of sensing their realties. Everyone has blind spots or limitations that are present and beyond conscious awareness. We cm compensate for these normal blind spots by reflecting with othea to gain more complete viewpoints. The foreground-background phenornenon influences what we see in our lives. If we focus intensely on something close at hand, we automatically rule out a view of the "big picture." Conversely, if we attend only to the larger picture then we may be insensitive to issues that are ciose at hand. Our ability to interpret stimuli in the visual cortex is related to our fmilidty with the context and the value that we place on the objects that we see. The exploration of difference-culture, gender, age, sexud orientati01~-requiressome fwiarity with the life circumstances of the other and the willingness to attend to theu perspectives.

There are also commoa abnormaiities that impair people's visual abilities. For example, people with constricted visual fields develop tunnel vision and oaly see things in their central line of vision. These people have limited scope and do not visualize people, objects and ideals that people with "normal" vision cm see. In order to compensate for this disorder the person bas to develop flexibility in shifting the gaze in order to comprehend a broader visual field. The loss of visual acuity due to refhctive errors requins the use of corrective lenses. These people need to acquire viewing lenses that enhance their knowledge, skills and positive attitudes so that they can see the world more clearly. Vision is a pnzed sense. However, even when it is limited or absent, people can compensate by using the intellect and altemate senses to express love and respect for self and other,

The spirais of colour that maice up the iris of the eye symbolize transformation.

The coloured spirals are images of transformation that both expand and contract. The

inward moving spirals focus on the women's sense-making which starts with respect for

the nobility and dignity of others. The outer dïrected spirals symbolize the thoughts and

actions that corne out of this orientation of respect. The spirais are dynamic and the

women's colours flow into one another. Without exception, every research participant

relates to people in a respectfûl mamer that preserves human dignity and advances

equality- Conclusion: Toward Solidarity

An octagonal shape is fonned by joining the eight colours at the border of the iris of the eye. Symbolically, the octagon is a transitional state between the square and the cucle and it denotes a circling of the square (Cirlot, 1990). Thus, the octagon acts as an intemediary phase between the realities of life, represented by the square, and spintual perfection, as represented by the circle (Cirlot, 1990). The women's life histories create new visions of equality by connecting the existing world to animating forces of potentiality. Men research participants use an "inclusive eye" to see, their stocies erode the edges to advance the well-being of oppressed and nonsppressed peoples alike.

The circling of the square begins with the inclusion of eight women in this study, and the shape becomes more circular as the number of people working together toward equality increases. Diversity is a source of enrichment that provides a closer approximation of the perfection that is symbolized by the circle. Each time a new person joins the opposition to oppression there is a disconnection or disjuncture that challenges the existing geometric shape and provokes change. Solidarity increases as people who agree not to accept or tolerate injustice act to pmmote equality. The conversation goes on and new voices contriiute to a more inclusive community and a closer approximation to an order of equality.

In the discipline of education, social change that leads to greater equality is not reserved for the "Gandhis" of this world. Each person has a unique giA that can lead to authenticity and cespoasible se~ceto others. As educators, we have a duty to pemub and provoke democratic equality in our work with snideats, clients and coileagues by focusing simultaneously on the acnial world and the world of possibilities. According to

Charles Taylor (2000), finding one's own path is a "tem%le responsibility." Inclusive educators need to numire a sense of belonging, of king "at home", that encourages everyone to be authentic and to choose that difficult road. The research participants' stories offer instantiations of equality-promoting works that can assist others to find their ways within their um*quesituations. These models can inspire us to join togeîher with a common purpose to re-make our world in person-shed and interlocking pieces.

The significance of this research hinges on the connection between equality rights and original ways of promoting equality. The second half of the twentieth centwy has seen the ascendancy of human rights as a social order that begins with individuals and extends to groups. Half a century ago, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

(United Nations, 1948) shed a glimmer of human hop in the shadow of the horrors of the Holocaust. The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms was enacted in 1982.

According to the dissenting view of Madame Justice Claire L'Heureux-Dubé (Egan v.

Canada, 1995). the crw of Section 15, the equality provision, "is the promotion of a society in which al1 are secure in the knowledge that they are recognized at law as equal human beings, equally capable, and equally deserving" (p. 1066). The Honourable

Madame Justice Claire L'Heureux-Dubé (L'Heureux-Dubé, Bashevkin, Wilson, &

Baines, 2000) of the Supreme Court of Canada advocates usiag an "interpretive lens of equality" to develop an evolving meaning of equaiity that is context-specific. From her perspective, it is a matter of "rwting out inequality and injustice in differeat situations."

Every one of us is a guarantor of human rights and inditFerence to human rights is an injury to others. This research is significant because it provides concrete examples of people who see inequaiity in pdcular situations, constnict visions of more egalitarian human relations and initiate actions to transfomi particular situations. Rather than having contempt for ciifference, these women nurture a culhue of respect. Aftenvord

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CONTESTXNG CONVENTIONAL ORDER TO PROMOTE EQUiuïT'Y: T?IE EXPERIENCE OF EDUCATORS

Thuik you fbr y~urinteres in my dismuion rrrarch oa the expaienœ ofcomeniag conwnr*odordu to pmmote equrlity. I vdue the unique cornbution thu you cm mrke to my raidy and I am asind about the posiiiiiy of your participation in it The pupora of this kmr is to &mte some of rhoihi~wehwJrrrdydiKUsld~~yw~~on1&LCMofConiamfomtbayouwill bnd attache& (Aùapted from Buttignol, 1995, p. 35)

5. That my nal nrrnt, my busincu addrus rad othcr informuion thu miy persûnaily idQui@ me will nat k usedinthedacaormuits.

Dr. Ardn Cole (thair ai-, Tbe Dapnmem ofApplied Rycbology. Onirio (nstiaite fi Stucües in ~d*ktionI üï)