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v m WHO ( \KKS■ ;' TWe 'cyLs?were oblauied whok saJe - from -a any residents of SJiowalter and, Spotsw.x>d In resp onse to students highly'-publicized com donH'sticate<.l cat distnhutor in Staunton They have welcomed-the news of the mice elimination project |)l;iinl.s about rat infestation in university housing,WMI tx'enspecially bred for hunting mice, but have had no* but others were less enthusisatic "I hate caLs ' datS hiivc l>ej'n imported from St.uinfun to (•limirialo on the-jolK'xpenence. except the past te^ days at Diane Zuenfuegas. a Shpwalter resident said 'If ilii' •pest* .lames Madison.I'niversity. they can't kill the damn things with all 'those-' ..All rvsidont.s of Spo'Lsw,*>d 'dorrn_iind Showalter Reject tn'gan training the cab; for their 'special chemicals;, then I ought to be able to move into. Ap.ii'lnu'iit-s have l>een providwi with malo'eat.s ti "assignment at jSlflast week. The cats were all. Howard-Johnsons with all those freshmen " v rhminate the mice that.have Uiken up residence.in .r-fi,sed in captivity and had to be given mice catchjjig 'One Shywalter resident insisted on being supplied a •he" university housing And. students if] (JreeJc instructioD 0fl a one-to-one basis: Reject n<>t. only python snake but university officials considered the. iMHising repojtedly are IntHHlihg their own mice SC shows the cats how to stalk, find and grasp a mouse. ggjMgjj, top radieal ' ' .- ,--^—•- -they, can get permission-,to have cats arfmnd._tiut -lwt-he-a4so itemonst rates the best way 10 coasume .1 house ' ' ■. • rtiouse '■' '.' • -•- Walter Bitter, said he didn't think the cats "would \Vh\ .should S|M>tsw(X)(l IH' the only 'dorm to have (Some Spotswood resuienLs saidjhe eab- seemed : make a dent in' the rat population"' in Spotswood pussy tuit.s ' said l,d\,i Gator, .1 ineinher o( Silly Silk confused it first, devouring five inch eocKroaches because everyone leaves the door open all'the time silly sorority, ' Thes probably wont appreciate tht'iii instead of the small brown mice And one cat even anyway and those little devils, keep marching right on am'waj;' • consumed a marijuana cigarette before it* owner in" <■ . ■. •■; ■_. Director ol Rodent Kiadifuatioir |{odne> Reject could stop him . . I'hough Reject called the program a complete .Mil the cat> should In.- 'able to "cut the numln'rot '•Rut he's okaTiiou We've started tying his fegs to sUCiess. housekeepers complained the cats ^ere ittiCC'in half injust tuodays ' Sources §aS 'hat vsuuid the chair aiaddanglmg mice iH'I'ore him a_t nuv.iHr.'.c "pooling all over the place There's-nothing mure tody leave a;few thousand ratS for later mopping uy He seems to be latching oii real .quick, said FreddY drsgustJttg ti'.an cleaning up after cats chat ayi I been ('\ci'cises - - " •—. Hi . ■• . ■ • hoiisehroke. (leraldine Moppitt said i • ^ '. i -I. • P. " -, . / ' ' I
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'» CGM gives Funds to Kennedy, P senate retains remaining money *. . HVOI.IVK. TOJ.IKM Money .which the student. * • "/rmithit • A*MK!a!ioi! &*& ■' "in trie Catholic Campus Ministry tasi week -is been donated to Sena'or- ■X£d Kennedy's campaigi M had requested thelSSC fo iend seven delegates ! . i'riife for Jus! ■ . ■ >r _ ni-'i.. ,, ..M..JM i i, ,„, venfton BUI n igried to be kept secret "■Irottl the -MiA -the "religious roap transferred ,the mono- i d ') andidate >;,. •' According tp Ktudent ions an ""Teresa ■ ''•' ' ■ •-• endorsing; Bree ze screws ijp again
• . ,..-- harji ■' op.1 " i . iV.idh.•!• i'»hly: "wSi'S'j'-'.*■: •". ■ • ' ais'q • • ■ . : ' ■" ntsTSTi lent naiSqaote^ bu ' »a|lj,; opposi ' I "' lei .. Pei ' ■ '■'■' to look fooli^li i!i last, week;s •sonaifj y^-, d"! thai , Cniiege of • • FJal i _)! We paper 'Weber was quoted as Iteep • sending him money much . rjf a .lillerei!.^' sa.ying 'I: think the Soviet swjiepeogle'^ej up^etea Those Surma v. oll4ctflJns!3usi .';«>;,- ,: . ' Mulianiv, , Won't .keep ' • - i now . ....
.■ water ,«.' *e a'sjied,, the ; /tie region .] :'.'ail> don ! ■ • : ' : - for help-'" .. A gross error appeared u ■ know what" all "the -luss is :.,-! "week s police log *hifh- .ii■ ■ ■ ■■;* •; After • leceivmjj THK RRKK/K discovered stated that William Nahi!. se\ era I ."'complaints • from SaloWttZ wa? arrested in thi the mom-. actual picky people who wigh Ux 4 festjnation 'in •an'-interview, menS room Of Wilson Hail an: • remain anonymous. • the charged witti' sodomy Vl * with: • Beth Welch. I'LV reporter who :.rhade the coordinator ."'..,' tually Kduardo Vuicei '.< alivged error rechecked her " Al1je,rtson was" afri'sU-'^:. Welch', told The Bfteze notes listened to the tape ot Prettj ""s.^ri "Dav Ma .jixiting a; .ii! in on the ■ lecture and eathe W' the baihrbbi! wall and (io oiii •- a current SCiA presidljsfft a> conclusion fhal Weber .said rtia'rged_ - witti .-i«ton.'. well as a Catholic will be MARTIN A PRt)FK.SSKl) t'aihoficJ refused to ( ominenl ahoul nothing 61 the—stirt ' As a
...... ,,Whaeijg^i was ^h^yti up ■ ■ —t'TU^wnsusi- •>( N'»A luivds ..._- • iii-f 1 «ssaii - wanting ca«paigiV*w$«!a-4?hfc TfnJSPTol feCtfSS^CSs V8& Saiowitz the day rrTter thJ • has gone too far The folk firm Weber s contention that group. ha« begun' singmc'. student groups, said" € ■■'> incorrect stoxy'i ran should b>' justices he .Cus in nt'\e!and attending tshlinted campafgn sqnas at mass . Suddith. finance committee a convention ai the .time In -Father Bill wears Kennedy chairman He explained that ' "<>i:t-:. IMAT corner to allegedly made the misquote buttons on -the back of his .next ;.ear ■■ $JS90-,-d3d actn ' Though-the.Ilreezr, as usual: < knee" ■ again The • Br£ei< white robes ' . 'fund will be" .split" among about S4.IMH) a year for- each Of scre'.ved up Keporter tm\i* us - . said. Treasurer Jeff bravely adnut^ its error we Martin,had-no comment -iT.uors. ■ feel he tfpelflf$ i« in-oide.r f-,acri(i misijunled ever>o.;i'- n Student Activities coor-. "Although some 6 "<"■■ .\\\V Kolander. rubbing his' hands' the last edition.,but this time '-. .dinator Chris Sachs said that Students ha.ve declared their . tjogether Well call the someone? had the nerve to ; even if' the 'gretig iloes. bring candidacy vn be senators m pa'5imerit our undergraduate complain if ',\ivy* wi»re «i] scholarships We :<■ .n.^iys' A paragraph in test week - the Pope to .IV.!' ■; cannot legislative , ce interview wiutJMl sexologist ZMM :nnr. m \\u' mm ang "Tfiave more than tw, masses a presiderti Itohin . Laaybenoe. felt we deserved some com-~ putting.'owt the paper, they'd pensation anywav those IM- ^icnr> Feelgood Was week m the Warren Lmver said the organuation has : keeptheir.danui mouth shut' weekly Tuesday night- * inatlverUmth 'left out of' sitj« I'nion. "Those Catholics decided not to hold eleotiens 'Hie lire* /• T'le paragraph, Kacfio quoted Dave Martin H> tust destroy the- asthetjc as in previous years, but to meetings take up a lot of time saying something As • "and the' merital striun ol. ,, as printed, read "Thougfi beauty of the place, he sa j perrnit current senators tc i; any .people w'OOId tend to usual °\!art:n - rid both I serve life terms, as is the ttog hk" we have sonie power : .After this incident the. was. --i'lvph '!;aiii,jii;'..a!l ,ot... disagree, I think sex is harro Sftorth repeating ' t-ouc ■-'■'',.' •prQcedure for Supreme i Col The t^iragraph .should regrets this ooo boo US '•' ■ ' ' f* / » V
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7 n> n\K\ i.i< i M™*W 5SS vou'rv "..t the Marvd '"^[^ "We, pi)l\. vvaul to'" talk In ,oe'hinK' hut airold. m.n- .■:.: .. . . J-larris/jitburV''. : ' ■ ' turhan,. ■ -.; win " . Av.it.tKah khot! : . ..Ihesi-ymemh.-r BUt'f.effi.- . . told Mi*' lurrner shah Of Ipafi . : ... ' -' . ' •■•^'•vvnf- tor. Apa1h\ ■■ 'Week •< ; I'hiii-sday trv thtf' H'rst Wl n Corte .iheiivrht«?rrupt«t- the ' * dispersed. V- '■'"onfe'"'.;.■.' -'■•'• ■ .'••rirs pj l> rnirfute-dekite:,, m . h.M>-.!-divaisVi-iii• !o. teii:ihr:. .M'>nk:t.e -.nviil/ttl the de-^'.."' ' !or .'the W.arren L njversit} Union ' • men' dune -'was dp ., To?l«'V.
. .-. ■: '-. >unre • -just.- faking it. Khomeini said i (trite offense to that.' - give various i ■ V >hah Mohammed Ke/a i'a'hiai. i resptmded from his- Itiafct' shift hospital.bed set up reasons for apathy in'thrVV-1 t' Fiiteen.AmeneaTt ; 3 1 -'r« neh' physicians, w.ho. 0ne of the digest debate » meeting- Stu.Dent sajd >■ ■■ had treated hjiTi ;n the rioted. ..- : 1 ■ id 'mre-wi-th' the e^ej) ttorr.gr -4-i-fiw-d-ff»Hnfeotrt-T *m.in Sia'tf- and.fan.; ; 'as* v. f-e S f arimngham die j'ni-.i'i'' sha{i during tlu- ■ K U.railoidi tar.- ofl .'.,,- 'held ■■■'•■ te! ■! monitored his Thursday at JaMit--. M.m Anatfier'-'adei:' Ac;,; -,' condition >lt*kJ-" geL_jk-.IV- M>' Llt- But although ih'e fytffVi, vyft* ff|..^.cen.W were .'atchmg. "ll.<\\l.-XS>«i|tl -.nfc\ •Wldei;. puii|'(.:/i.M| - ■:;,;. \!i; e Airhead added . yiin\ >fb/arie!i peradre1 - howed up "(it the ' / -'.; !e[ ' . Slin'TT^- . ■' >•(• as translator for the •'*(H;W w»- shouldn.' I .•ittec. the i;et,ate -i,-. j he lebate' ana Pk\ CimUf had It on a Thursaav night. Hn-e/e. -in percent. sa,d - presideni ojf.'" ,.).\n> fre •Fat : ''on!.- _ PreD.-M . ■ dm not attend because "they .Derelict SocMy, >.erve .■>< look bad. he said "I thoug'-ht would not be a problem Society '. president a«d .had- never heard of the more students would come to dUxieratoV ;with ( rairer organizer of the debate sao "..i.oilah or the former shah They knew that nobod\ Wonkde of CHS \('u> hear me say. And.that's the here would stir anything up." B«t it was the only rirght .Anofher.io-perv-:.: -..,-! 'they way it is' in person " Is it not true that for vVil^s 'Ke/,aFablavi (tw shah could were sick of .hearing about. •he said "And they needed a \ou torturtni hundreds of our place nobody had "ever heard dnakp ;;t" rn;f\ and &> percent sa$ THKHKBATF. was difficult people'.' . Khomeini ..ehafged . i if the six students attending they went, to a .party inSfead of" ■ "You inust have Aaldied loo to schedule at JMU, according JMU security assigned one . the delate four vsere Breeze - I always go to Theta t'hi on toConte "The L'PB had been many. late-night mirror Thursday tiights,." ; Jo* Blow officer to the debate to movies" reporter-- We wanted to get trying to book the Iranians for out of the office, reporter said Why ruin a tradition for maintain order T just told' .. -H 'Yea. but it w.is better 'than Cireek week activities he ' them to wake me up w-hen it . PR ' "Spineljess. said wjth.'.a'.. a lousv debate'" . said "But we got them first " your crackpot reign.,' the shrug ( BS newsman ("ralter was over." Officer L B ; shah replied. You think you Conte added that officials Arrested said 'Y'eal! we went down ' VVonkitesaid he wished a feu wanted the-.first of-its kind .have some divine knowledge • persons had shown.up In order to increase at- ' •of how Iran Vs to be ruled: but some.- beer at . Duke's sand debate to be held at an ob- tendance at this • week s 1 for the .event It made me that's a lot of bunk' decided .to -see if we could gel scure location where security on T\'. Stay Survey "added debate, kegs of beer will be. "\Vh\ don't you rust admit' served • you're seared .ot me? the ayatollahsaid "h it nv. white ran OTHKK students, at . On April Fool's Day robes or what'V the debate were there'lor ,■ 1 purpose "1 thought this was ".'SUfired of you' " the shah where the Nurd ciuh was
Kevin Mondloch . Chuck Cunningham The best choice JOHN CONNALLY ^ ^ |ft touring is here. A candidate who '$ practiced alot
- -J- W FmDay frk* Tonight you can sample the .■ delights of the seashore right here -^5^ ^53f iffi,dowii^wnHaaisonbu^l It's^our People who know 'All You Can Eat.^.Seafood Buffet! K-.M on steamed shrimp crab Iggs, tried shrimp, clam strips, oysters, go Peugeot tried ot baked lish. crab cakes, vhrimp create, seafood newburg, Pi clam ohimder and .ill the extras' Plus our flfcnous salad bar '-': v:f" "-S'4»V^nd lle Blacks take over UPB here; t permit two ''white programs* IMA WHITE upcoming events planned by year. In a move designed to in- the BPB (Black Program Henderdad added that crease black-oriented Board) include concerts by possibilities for this year's programming at James Michael Jackson, Donna "white shows" include Barry Madison University, the Black Summers, the Commodores, Manilow and Andy Gibb. Student Alliance has taken Earth Wind and Fire, George Former UPB chairman over the offices of the Benson, and of course, a Suzanne McSpace said this University Program Board. repeat performance by action was prompted when the "From now on, we're Mother's Finest. UPB invited the BSA for in- determining the program- He added that the board will put. "Maybe we asked the ming at JMU," said Billy permit the formation of a BPB wrong people," she said, Henderdad, BSA vice Majority Affairs Committee, adding that the Student president. "No more minority which will direct White Government Association has affairs committees, no more Awareness Day and be per- promised to fund the new Woody Allen movies." mitted to obtain two white- board 95 percent of the student According to Henderdad, oriented cultural events a activities budget next year. Spend Your Next Semester at JMU's Other Campus Tehran, Iran for only $1.98 above normal fees you get... Tuition: Choose from a variety of courses . in Art, Literature, Theatre, History, MEDICAL SOCIETY President Skip Wagner performs his first sex change operation in the Warren University Union ballroon. Terrorists Tactics ^Government and He uses techniques emphasised in the award-winning biology . department here. Russian Studies l \ Room: Across the street from the University 157 Warsaw Ave. of Iran. In walking distance of most Turn at fight at JMU's front entrance major points of interest. Five minutes THRU WEDNESDAY from the American Embassy. Twelve Budweiser ?6 oz. cans 2.69 minutes from the Airport. V Schmidts 6 pk. 12oz. 1.69 Activites: Frequent Field trips to famous Schlitz 6pk. 12oz. J.99 sights, oil refineries and student seminars Excursions to such places as Saudi Arabia, ALSO-grocery items - snacks-candy Afganistan -frozen foods-magazines-and more Send Application to: • COMPARES SAVE* Prof. Itollya Cockamamee 434-7948 Director, JMU Semester in Iran Open til 12 Nightly Enrich Yoi^^perience^^endja^Semester in Tehran 'Digest'demands The Breeze cease publication Food Services Director. President Ronald E. Carrier Robert Griffin announced give the go ahead to Robert today that The Breeze must tiffin, director of Food .cease publication im- Services to annex Luigi's and mediately beause it is in Stop-In, because they are in illegal competition with the illegal competiion with Food Dining Hall DIGEST, (no Services. .organization on campus is In his ruling earlier today, allowed to be in competition Carrier said, "Even though with any item Food Service v the stuff Food Service sells {produces.) isn't anything like the food Hank Moody, a former Luigi's and Stop-In sell, Griff manager of contract dining tells* me that it is food be has been named editor-in- serves, and we can't permit chief, ace reporter and head any competion with JMU f-noro Dy eo| KagrufcnMcinnc* copy editor. Moody's Food Service, so we must DISCO D-HALL workers practice for opening of "Harrisonburg's own Studio 54." replacement has not yet been annex them. Besides, it is in named, but is believed to be the popular interest of growth out going student manager, of my college." Pete Furry. When asked to • ;• i. comment, Furry only grinned. Disco d-hall Moody quoted himself as By EOJ REGRUB- make out under the salad bar i There will be no tables or saying that the DIGEST would chairs, Students must dance be expanding to tabloid size NEKCENHCS with a student manager, fall Griffin said fresh Luigi's (Following are the excerts asleep or simply not show up at all times while eating. As in and 32 pages. "The name is the past, only the finest, most being changed to INDIGEST, pizza will be replaced with from a specially granted and at all. frozen D-hall pizzas. bery much edited Breeze "D-Hall 4 will be our sado- delicious food will be served. because it is more related to "D-Hall 2 will be the Greek what is inside, Moody "Cheaper cost was not a interview, today with Hank masochism dining hall. factor in the decision," he Moody, editor of the IN- Students will be greeted by a dining hall. Since they need a smiled," said Moody. separate place to live, student said. 'They just taste so much DIGEST, where he reveals his checker dressed only in high Moody mused, "The better." A wide variety of plans for the new theme park heeled leather boots and manager Brain Daily figured DIGEST is a lot older and a lot they needed a separate place pizza will be served, in- dining halls, starting April 1. covered with chains. better than The Breee cluding, hot, cold, burned and "D-Hall 5 will be the space to eat also. Line 2's only anyway. In fact, the DIGEST beverage will be beer. No soggy. hall. It will be carefully "After sewing a student is the oldest college food Grifiiriffin said he expects the decorated with spaceships, with truly delicious looking dishes or utensils will be service publication in the provided. All food will be name will change soon but powerhitters.astronaut food (we hope to be able to country. Its even older than refused to comment on the pictures and tokemasters. make some) Line 4 staff will thrown at the students. Food some of the food we serve," fights will be both permitted rumor that it would become Students should be spaced out grab the plate back and dump grinned Moody. Carry-yer-pizza. before entering, but for those it on his feet. Students will be and encouraged. who aren't, there will be drugs tripped as they go down the "There will be a large open in the munchies. salad bar and force-fed somat. space in the center of the room Any one who sits down to eat covered with spilled beer and "Line 5 staff will be spacy will promply be tied to their food, so Greeks may feel free and do anything possible to chair and beaten. to lie down and wallow to flip you out. (Incidently, as "Harrisonburg's own Studio music in it after eating. you may have noticed, they 54 will be in D-Hall 3. Proper "Phi Mu sorority has have been practicing this for disco dress will be required. already been granted a several years in preparation Our staff, dressed in the concession to operate Line 2. for this.) Line 5 staff may be latest, popular, fancy, in- "Dining hall l will be expected to sing Christmas dividually tailored gold shirts reserved for preps and other carols (off key), refuse you and dresses will be enforcing misfits that don't really sevice, throw vour food at vou. the dress code. belong in college. flit MARK* IT Featuring TOPS FOR EVER YONE From Fashion Tops to T-shirts (long & short sleeve) And Other Accessories Specializing In Transfers iMiiietteringand numbering custom printing Greek lettering NEW LINE OF SPRING & SUMMER WEAR Night - Shirts .Soccer Shirts JLXL & XXXL T-Shirts Create Your Own T-Shirt Design from Any: / Slide Photo Drawing Album Cover Clipping color or blk./wht. 10-9 Mon. ■ Sat. 434-4824 Located in Valley Mall ;.,„...... >. -;;v- >Y»A» » «.».»»?.» fill ♦ » M.f.'.'t •"!' »»»»».» *.*»»#»•» BRM l» 7T«e«for«jfoft. Announcements Dukettes Geology lecture Honors day Alcoholics Hunger week Are you concerned about There will be a meeting for you or your friend's drinking all people interested in trying Dr. Charles H. Shultz. HONORS DAY will be ob- Hunger Awareness Week, out for Dukettes at 4:00 p.m., chairman, dept. of Geology. served at 10:50 a.m., Thur- sponsored by Bread for the or drug problems? Recovered April 1, in Room 353 in Godwin Slippery Rock State College, sday, in Wilson Hall World, is March 31-April 2. alcoholics will be available for talking 6-7:00 p.m. every Hall. Please come dressed for Slippery Rock, Penn., will be Auditorium. Classes will be Featured activities are a practice. If you are interested the guest lecturer of the dismissed at 10:35 a.m. to literature booth outside D- Tuesday, at Emmaus House, 317 S. Liberty St. No ap- but unable to attend, call Geology Seminar on April 3. enable students and faculty Hall 5 from 11:00 a.m.-2:00 Casey Showalter at 6778. At 3:30 p.m.. Dr. Shultz will members to attend the fi.m. each day, John Denver's pointment is needed, just stop present a technical lecture on program. Shirley Faye ilm "I Want To Live", shown the "Geology and Geologic Turner, a home economics at 6 & 7:00 p.m., March 31 and History of the Grand education major will deliver April 1, in Miller 101, and a Canyon." At 8:00 p.m., he will the Honors Day Address. She dinner at 6:00 p.m., April 2, in present a more general lee has attained a 3.976 grade the Ballroom of the WUU. hire entitled: "Traveling-A point average in her academic Contract students may use IQJQ^Q^ £ Raft Trio Down the Colorado work. President Ronald E. their I.D.'s for the meal. All River through the Grand Carrier will preside over the others are $1.50. Proceeds go £ Canyon." Both presentations program. The Madisonians, to Harrisonburg Meals-On- r will be given in Room 224 of under the direction of Sandra Wheels. For more in- Miller Hall. Refreshments Cryder will, provide the formation, call Kathy at 433- v.i will be served and students musical part of the program. 0148 or Phillis at 433-8212. and the general public are Presents: V. ** r cordially invited. *• 1 Chicago Style Pizzas :•:• Subs & Deli Sandwiches ■V as BbiWxioe ABC on Premise The Hotel Restaurant Mgt. i Club of JMU is sponsoring a Old Mil & Michelob ON Tap chicken Bar-B-Que Saturday, Daily Lunch specials from 11 - 2 :00 April 12 at Harrisonburg Fire Station Hose Co. 4 across from Plus your Favorite Import Beers Roses. The price is $1.50 per naif a chicken. It begins at 10:00 a.m. and will last until the chicken is sold out. ** At Two Locations I No 1: 1010 S. Main No. 2 433-1101 1059 S. High In front of the JMU entrance 433-0077 I :§ ON CAMPUS DELIVERIES DINE IN OR TAKE OUT April 3, 8 p.m., BlackweU •:•: starting at 6 pm - 11 pm S>en 7 Days a Week Auditorium :::: Mon - Thurs. on - Thurs. Til Midnight •:•: Honor Moore and Victoria :* Last Call at 10:30 Fri & Sat. Til 2 a.m. Rue will hold a joint lecture- discussion on contemporary theater. All are welcome. *****************************>& Pbyunulogyclub The Psychology Gub wil meet at 7:00 p.m., Tuesday, in Burruss 212. Jonah Hiner wil John Carpenter speak on parapsychology. Elections for next year's officers will also be held. All couMnt decide between are welcome to attend. Marine Biology and Law. AERho There will be a very im- girtant meeting of Alpha His counselor psilon Rho, the National HonoraryBroadcasting could have helped. Society at 6:15 p.mn., Wed- nesday, in Room D of the If he'd only asked. You see, that's what counselors WUU. Elections of officers for are for. They can help you plan your career before next year will be the main you graduate. Which is precisely the topic of our subject on the agenda. next issue of "Insider"—the free supplement to your college newspaper from Ford. Easier mass We'll tell you how counselors can help take the mystery out of planning a successful career. By There will be an Easter figuring out what you're best suited for... and then Sunrise Mass on April 6th at helping you go after it. Success doesn't have to Purcell Park in Shelter No. 3. be a big secret—if you plan it right. It will begin at 5:00 a.m. Bring a blanket or chair to sit on. A And while you're checking out the next issue of donation of 50 cents is "Insider," be sure to check out Ford's exciting requested. Cars will leave lineup for 1980. They've got some great ideas for from behind Wilson at 4:40 a.m. Please contact Kris getting you wherever you're going, in style. Gregory if you can drive or help with the Mass. "Insider"-Ford's continuing series of college newspaper supplements b coming Theater workshop next week. Look for it. April 2, 3:30 p.m. Purple & Gold Room, Godwin Hall. FORD Victoria Rue will conduct a workshop in Theater and FORD DIVISION performance—limited to 25 >, 3ord people. You are asked to bring several short pieces of poetry and prose. To reserve a place in workshop, call the English Department at 6202. ^^M***************************^ * ■ Don't Forget To VOTE TODAY Government & Honor Council Elections 9 am- 7 pm April M980 1st University Union VOTE TODAY!!! rt .»* IV f Honor Council Wrespofice, JMU students arrested in raid Budweiser 6pk cans 2.09( By BRENDA STARR their glorious destiny—the suspects the police rounded up In a series of unexpected final solution to rid JMU of all were either self-inflicted or midnight raids, the Honor vicious cheating scum." accidents. Code Police took into custody Some controversy, To an incident described by RC or Diet Rite Cola 1.09 several hundered JMU however, has arisen con- JMU freshman Dick Batten, students who are allegedly cerning tactics used by the in which he reports that he 8 pk 16 oz bottles plus dep, guilty of Honor Code offenses Honor Code Police in was repeatedly beaten with Significant because it is the gathering evidence and taking cudgels by members of the first time Honor Code in honor violators. HCP, Rack replied that the President Kevin Rack's newly "I can't believe this is suspect had fallen down some Welch's Grape Jelly or .88 formed band of crack honor happening," said one student steps while trying to assault enforcers have seen action, who was arrested and charged. an officer. Jam 21b the the roundup is viewed by with taking food out of D-Hall. "And take that student who many as a toughening of "I walked into my room last claims we pulled all her council policy. night and there were all these fingernails out to get her to "I know there are cheaters people in funny uniforms confess to cheating on a Jiff Peanut Butter 28 oz 1.99< out there," said Rack, Physics lab," said Rack, looking through my things. "what really happened was reached for comment the next When I asked them what they morning, "and before my that she was trying to throw a were doing, they knocked me blender at an Honor Code Keebler Deluxe Grahams term of office is up, I mean to over the head and arrested ferret them all out." officer, but it wasn't un- me." plugged, it turned on by ac- For three months Rack has The student later admitted or Fudge Strips & Fudge 99 been training the police, cident, and off went her to the charge after 48 hours of fingernails—it wasn't our which he outfits and pays with interrogation. AAarshmellow Cookies funds from the Honor Council fault." When asked whether he All students found guilty of budget, and they are now thinks such suspects are ready to seek out honor code Honor Code offenses are to be treated too brutally by sent to labor camps in West Hunts Ketchup 32oz .81 violators, he said. members of his honor squad, "They have been trained in Virginia, if, according to Rack indicated that while be Rack, they aren't shot trying assault tactics, interrogation thought no treatment was too and information gathering," to escape first. brutal for honor code "Today Madison, tomorrow Ann Page Kosher or .81 continued Rack, " and have violators, injuries reported by the World," Rack said. Polish Dill Pickles 32 oz • Jelly Eggs 16oz .6^ .OF HOT, THINLY SUCCQ PRIME RIB ON A SESAME. SEED BW MEAT 60 GOOD YOU WONT MEED A SAUCE.. MELTED CHEESE 15$ EXTRA Jostitos round tortillo .71 Prime Rib chips-all flavors 6.5 oz WITH SAIAD FROM OUR 3AUD BAR AfJO Chef-Boy-Ar-dee .9< FREA1CH FRIES $3.99 Frozen Pizzas 13oz WITH FRENCH FRIES ONLY $2.99 WITH SAIAD BAR ONLY $3.49 SAWDWICH ONLY $249 Kitchen Treat Pot Pies 4/$ 1 Beef, Turkey & Chicken 6oz ft ft ft ft ft ft ►Kitchen Treat Entrees .99 ishua. all varieties 24 oz Introductory Price ►Marvel Frozen French 2/.99< Fries. 16ozpkgs. U.S.D.A. 9 o Prime Rib CHOICE — ■■*■ ^—■>■ ___^_ Sarvad from Medium Rara to Wall Don* Asparagus Tomatoes Pineapples .99 eachi -zm*- ■"•» * AvailaMa * 6-10 Daily (Jamestown bacon .99 Veole Sausage .691b Food so good! A&P Franks 1.291b •Served Covered with Au Jus Sauce •Baked Potato or French Fries (Gwaltney Great 1.29 lb •Toasted Grecian Bread •Salad Bar Bologna \ Party hats requiredof faculty, group 'spitballs'Dr. Scranton By GOPHER T. DIRT \ Party Hat Plan" which he paper wads and shoot spit- According to Dr. Thomas indicated would be a "strictly balls at Dr. Scranton. Scranton, vice president of observed affair that should "I'm sick and tired of student affairs, all faculty contribute to students' overall Scranton's stupid analogies," members will now, in an at- educational experience." said senate member Dr. tempt to improve student- Scranton indidcated that the Ralphe Copen, "this is faculty relations, be required party hats must be worn at all something I've wanted to do to wear party hats and carry times but the noise makers for a long time." noise makers to class. are only to be used by After Scranton left the room "This move," says teachers to underline a par- crying, senate members Scranton, "should put into ticularly important point. opened the floor to discussion perspective all comments "When a professor deems an of faculty pay policies, the made by teaching faculty in a issue of great value," said main topic of senate debate learning situation." Scranton, "he has only to blow since 1932. Instead of con- Scranton announced this on the noise maker to draw it ventional debate tactics, plan that he termed "a modest to the students' attention." senate members organized proposal" to astonished themselves into two teams— faculty members at the Scranton made an analogy those opposing current pay Faculty Senate meeting last between his new plan and the proposals and those in favor, Thursday. Cuban Missile crisis of 1962: and played marbles and "I just don't understand it," "We can envision student- Yahtzee for the decision. said one faculty member, teacher relatons as those "It's alot more fun this "first we get used to the Nixon between the USA and Cuba in way," said senate member masks, then its the clown 1962," concluded Scranton. Baker Boning, who was later costumes and now party "The party hat idea should, ejected from play for un- SGA PRESIDENT Dave Martin shows off new classroom attire hats." like Kenndy, solve sportsmanlike conduct for faculty, at Thursday's faculty senate meeting. everything." Among other topics Scranton continued to This proposal, however, was discussed at the meeting were describe his plan for the not greeted with widespread faculty plans to aid the em- carrying of noise makers and accpetance among members battled insurgents in the wearing of party hats, of the Faculty Senate, who Afghanistan and the faculty PROUDLY known as the "Noise Maker- proceeded to jeer, throw picnic, to be help next week. 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Fri. 8:30 'til Calf For An Appo/nfmtnf or Drop In To 1*2 = Usa owtas, amw.4 B© awJ s+Vr* N^ Set For Yoursuff - Elaine's Taftnt atfvices c,«uc*n efW/ 2|**1«*M' CALL 433-1588 1433 South Main Street Technics • Sanyo Plus • Kenwood • Bose • ADC • Gibson • Martin Ovation • AKP • Moog P.S. Plenty of free parking in rear of Salon Hapft Mj fola Ihj f™ Wfafr,[service & quality for more than 25 years m J ***+*****■*»»*+** *»,#'*» +>>+m*****">m.'***"*** ** 'l ******** [-*'»•«' • THE LIARS CLUB, shown here In the only official club portrait, being rejected by the Commission on Student Services Thursday may have to remain outside the Greek establishment here after on the grounds of being socially unacceptable. After a lengthy and often as a viable alternative to Former Interfraterniry mission's vote. "Who could volleyball competition, as well heated debate, the Liars Club Greek organizations here, has President Bill Hardy, who was ask for a more appropriate as the overall intramural was rebuked by the Com- come under constant verbal quoted in the Breeze last bunch of guys to carry the championship. mission on Student Services in barrage from the thousands of semester as calling the Liars letters of the Greek These same sources also its request for official students snubbed during its "a bunch of snobs," said he alphabet?" he asked. alleged that the Liars Club university approval as a three-year history of semi- was relieved to hear of the financed the estimated 275 Greek organization. open, semi-closed and vastly commission verdict. parties held on the third floor "The moral and ethical wasted parties. Sources close PETTY LISTED as among of Ikenberry Hall during the standards of the Liars Club to the 40-member organization the club's achievements the three semesters they were leave a great deal to be claim it was this student THE LIARS CLUB'S "socializing of some 300 fresh- based there through the sale desired," said Commission pressure that forced the club proposed constitution defined men women, who otherwise of paraquat-tainted member Stuart Small. to seek refuge under the one of the organization's main may have ended up going marijuana, obtained at cheap The club, organized in 1977 Greek banner. goals as "striving to stay as gay." Petty also said the club wholesale prices from a intoxicated as possible while "went a long ways toward former Liar now living in maintaining some semblence improving the quality of drugs Tiajuana. But Liars of decency except when ab- on campus." He refused to vehemently denied the solutely unnecessary." elaborate, but sources allege allegation as "preposterous." "Maintenence is the key to that the quality of the Liar's One Liar said "the guy in our existence," the club's drugs may very well have Tiajuana was never a Liar seargent-at-arms said played a large role in the and his prices were far from Sruort Hall, a college Liars President Glenn Petty club's tremendous success in cheap." preparatory girls said in an interview from intermurals two years ago, Tanzania that he was when the Liars won the ALTHOUGH MENTION of boarding school, disappointed by the com- basketball. soccer and the club's alleged drug abuse never came up during the grades 6-12, is seeking commission's debate, it was a select few young obviously on the members SCUBA minds "Those clowns- buzz _ women to become around this campus like bees college interns who will in the spring," said Dr. Dick DIVING Tater. teach or counsel one They even make the TKE's period a day and lock good, another com- mission member commented. supervise dormitory UNDERWATER PHmOGWHY Hcwever comjiiisson ^—** Course begins soon. A complete and challenging member Albert Falsehood and extracurricular life. coursein recording the beautiful underwater en- said the "moral and ethical We offer room, board, vironment. standards of the club in question" were not up to the and a $1000 stipend in commission to judge. "After exchange for the FLORIDA KEYS DIVETRIP all, I'm sure we've all drank May 4-11. Only $60 boat charter for beautiful coral our share of 'Hurt City punch,' practical teaching reef diving. done our share of drugs and experience of the socialized a few freshmen girls in our younger days," he college student's life. BIMINIDIVETRIP Aug.U-17 said with a mischievous look Interns' schedules are $398 for 17 exciting dives in his eyes. "And if everyone knew what the members of arranged so as not to in the Bahamas. Also this commission did on interfere with their includes Lodging, food, weekends, none of us would be airfare. here to judge anyone!" college courses. A HUSH FELL over the Inquiries should be YMCA&PADI commission's 0 chambers as addressed to: SCUBA COURSES the commission absorbed Falsehood's words. Acodemic Dean begin in May. Dr. Elizabeth Funston Stuart Hall PASSAGES objected to Falsehood's Register now for statement, saying "I've never Stounton. Va. 24401 431-2177 socialized a girl in my life, let courses or trips alone a freshman, and the M E. Watr St, fUrrijonoyfi most exciting thing I do on (Acton From Irttl* Racquet) wmm- - i . 'Gone with The Breeze* It was just a typical production night,.. By MARTY STEVE'S END other minute to know if we had Everyone was lying around, her copy out, Tennis was sipping a few beers and telling breathing down my neck crude jokes. It was production about something, but who night at The Breete, and those cares because I wasn't Due to th« uncontrollable circumstances 28 pages were still blank. listening to him anyway, and I the article on "James and Doiley The whole gang was couldn't find Charles to Madison: More Human Than You Think." was rejected by the Founder's assembled because all kinds prof read some stuff and I had Day committee: namely. Chairman I.M of important campus news to go to the bathroom. Proud,- Dr. jumu Allways. and Dr. had been gathered together Then of course the Gopher Gold The S.OOO word article was considered too shallow by several and it was going to be a hell of inevitable happened: Kris history professors and students who a paper. (It usually is needed something in two previewed the article. We'll try harder anyway.) column and we were running next time. Heading the cast was the everything in one column; resident editore (sorry, but Cindy and Vance decided don't worry folks, we have a torun Short Takes at the last correction department that's minute; Mark wanted some the best in the state and they'll bizarre record review run in be sure to catch the mis teak.), 2.875 pica and Susan was Theresa Squeal and her crying in the corner; Bill was sidekick managing editor, sipping coke out of a film Moron Smiley. The news cannister, ...when the blasted editors Cindy EUess and computer started going on the Vance Richard's son were blink, the developer ate busy deciding who was going Theresa's copy and the to put the page numbers down. headliner refused to print Over a far obscure corner of anything. Here it was 9:00 the office was the sports p.m. on a production night- editor, Tennis Smith, the crucial is the only word to hay wire. The editors started the typewriter (now it works The editors stopped pulling famed Oscar Madison of JMU. describe this time slot-when pulling out their hair and fine-I always wonder what The Feature editors were all the machinery was going everyone else's. Tennis kicked was wrong with it.) (Continued on Page 26) somewhere in the vicinity; inillllllHWIMIIIMIMIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMIIIIIIIIIIIIIItMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIWIIIIIIIIIimillllllllllllllllllll IIIIIIIIIIU Mark was probably with Kim IIIHtHlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllMIIIIIIIIIHII and Susan Terpaid was get- ting frustrated because her copy wasn't out and Mark 4 hadn't written any cut-lines. The photography editors can't be seen because Bill Taran- tula and Chuck Fuzio are in the dark (I always wonder about photographers.). Let's see I know I'm forgetting someone. Oh yeah. There's = Scott Wormer who thinks he's i a comic strip character come alive, and there's Russell "Moneybags" Fleetwood, resident business manager and professional swindler. In the production depart- ment we have the underclass loonies, Charles Dambowic (WHO?) and Marty Steve's End. There's the infamous ads department, but they're so stuck up they only come in to work when we're not here. Kris (what kind of name is that for a girl) Carl's son, the quiet and efficient editorial editor is cussing out the Eoduction managers for not ving the copy out. And the infamous Donna Sizeless and Louis Eacho, Eacho, Eacho, are off chatting tete-a-tete in some corner about who knows what. Wait our faithful ad- '■*■» ■... (*-!»■— IMU'.. .snsers, Ncckowhat ... an** Wendyken, just walked through the door. This is going to be an exciting evening. Theresa Squeal leans diligently over her board ::'■ measuring the space for her headline. Suddenly with a burst of energy unknown to her (and even her closest = friends), she sneaks into the I production room. = "Mar-tha, Charles, could X you please rerun this tape in 17.5 pica, " she cooed very sweetly. She hurriedly added, i "but first you have to dig it out I of the tape box." And as she sneaked back out of the room, I think I heard her mumble "thank you" before I hummed the phone book at her. Like I said before, it was an average production night. We didn't have enough typists to do all the paper copy, and Moron and Vance were editing on one VDT (no,that's not a disease for all you laymen) and Fuzio was typing nasty personals on the other one. Susan kept coming in every GAMBY-'S DISTRIBUTORS AAT.CRAWFORD § ^HIMIIIIII Illlltllllllinilllllllll IIMII1IIIIHIMI tlllllllllirilllllllMIIIIIIIIIIM ll4IIIMIIIIIMIIIItllll^lMIIIIinillltMlilllllllllMIIIIIII1llllllirilllllllllllllll llll Illllllllllllll f^ ■ Sound values in Harrisonburg is out; \ Playboy won't come «u;Hips and smiles don't sell magazines.' ly HOT LIPS LUCY That smell really cramps my Playboy has announced that style." it will no longer move its According to Stan, the headquarters to Harrison- stockholders of Playboy were burg. unprepared to take on the The multi-million dollar fearless Harrisonburg publication had considered community. the transfer to serve as a "We know when we're training ground for jour- whipped," Stan sighed. "After nalism students at James all, JMU doesn't even pay its Madison University. nude models a decent wage." However, due to insufficient Stan commended several employees available and university officials for their widespread community op- support of the move. position, this move has been "Chris Wacks was a big abandoned. help," Stan said. "He even Stan the Stud, editor-in- agreed to let us use h:- ^iice chief of the arousing literary in exchange for a date with the masterpiece, was disap- first centerfold." pointed at the news. "I was sincerely looking ACCORDING TO STAN, forward to coming to JMU ana Student Government trying out a new crop of President Dave Marshtan, chicks," he said. "These girls gave his wholehearted sup- are so naive and easily port to the project, stating, manipulated—I was gonna 'hell we'll take all the money have a ball." we usually give to The Breeie "However, I could find only and give it to Playboy. "After one girl built well enough to be all, trash is trash. If we're my centerfold, and she had going to read, it might as well her heart set on becoming a be stimulating," Marshtan nun," Stan sighed. "Even I'm said. no competition for the pope." Reporters for The Breeze later learned that Marshtan STAN ENGAGED in an had been offered a job with extensive recruitment Playboy as a lay-out artist campaign to no avail. "Face upon graduation. it, those chicks at JMU need to "Even though some officials A — Pioneer SX780 FM/AM/FM Stereo Re- try Mark Eden. -Hips and did their best, it just wasn't ceiver. DC power output of 45 watts per chan- smiles just don't sell good enough," Stan said. nel minimum RMS at 8 ohms, 20-20,000 Hz, magazines." Playboy will now relocate in with no more than 0.05% THD. Direct-readout "It was bad enough that I a small town in the northern left and right channel power meters, FM BEST had such a poor selection," part of Alaska. "The girls up there aren't as frigid as those muting, tape monitor, tuning meter, low filter, Stan continued. "To top that special off, little old ladies kept at JMU," Stan said. "Some of loudness control. FM signal to noise ratio throwing rotten apples at me. the Alaskan Huskies are 80dB (mono), 72dB (stereo). 29 lbs. This symbol indicates cuter." prices below our 959022EUX*2*4Z 19893 $375.00 regular low buyer scode B — Pioneer HPM60 Four-way Speaker Sys- tem. 150 watts RMS per channel 10" cone 18 GARDEN FRESH INGREDIENTS woofer. 4" cone midrange. 1 V*" cone tweeter. Best specials GREAT FOR LUNCH, ALONE OR WITH Super tweeter. 24" high. A 5AM TMWL fwi r\ /x-\ ri mini 932388EUX15997 $260.00 expire: April 19,1980 C — Pioneer FM/AM/FM Stereo Receiver Model SX680. Power output of 30 watts per IFRESHis18 G, _,,rs • channel minimum RMS at 8 ohms, from 20- 20,000 Hz, with no more than 0.1 % total har- monic distortion. 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JNCH! 900257EUXl*99Z 13994 $199.00 18 GAF ITS • GREAT' HAMBURGERS J WITH See many incredible values such as these in the Best Spring Sale Catalog, a sampling of the HARRISONBURG hundreds of brand name items featured, at Best Products. -.' i 1 ■ .'Iff *-*-*. ■ 1.1 * 1 111> 1 * 1 it* . 11 .. 11 - • • I 1 - ttsBo punk, punk, and more punk Sutton leaves Breeze, joins Debris By MARK SUTTON It came as a surprise to ^eryone. "I mean, here it was. just a normal production night, and all at a sudden, Sutton jumps up off his chair, I mean, Id never seen him jump up off of anything, and says 'I quit!' and storms out," said Frizzy Beale, Editor of The Breeie And then he was gone. Two months later, after having been imcommunicado for two months, Mark Sutton emerged. As lead guitarist for Debris. "Hell, why not," he said as he reached for his 23rd RC cola of the day (it was 12 noon). ThrBreeze had become a dead end. Nobody read the damn thing anymore, and ' what with Frizzy and Riled (Moron, managing editor) getting on my case about running so many articles about the band, I just decided to move on to greener pastures." "After all," he con- tinued,"the band was paying me one hell of a lot beter for running Debris articles than the 75 cents a month section editors are getting since the '79 budget cuts. I mean, who can live on 75 cents a month?" The true details about the head when Beale and Moron Reaction at The Breeie to decision on Sutton's part/to" called Sutton to task for Sutton's decision to leave the leave The Breeie and /join running all these Debris ar- paper and persue a career in Debris, are sketchy, since all ticles every issue. Sutton punk rock were mixed at best. MARK SUTTON, tormtr Folio Editor, rocks out with Dobrts In his first performanc* the parties involved are in- justified this by saying simply with tho group. Sutton loft tho Srooio to porsuo a caroor In rock and roll two months Donna Sizeless, Sleeze ago. veterate liars "they pay me better." Frizzy survey expert, was heart- This much, however, is and RUed then told Dr. Mark broken at Sutton's departure. known. that be would now come in "Now there's nobody else on every Monday to be told what the paper who's mentally ill," comment on the departure, band," he said, "mental in- MARK SUTTON had been stories to run. Sutton she mourned. but were seen uncorking a receiving payoffs in excess of stability is an asset Jor anjL^-^v retaliated by running two Frizzy Beale and Riled bottle of champagne at press group. y 1000 percent of his salary for weeks of blank pages. Moron, on the other hand, time. running articles about the In the meantime. Debris Drummer Drew Gardner, were quite glad to see the who attended the same reform band Debris. Sutton was were readying themselves for doctor go. AND WHAT of the band? writing and photographing thier first national tour, which school as Sutton, was also *it was pure hell, waking up Most of them seemed happy to pleased at the move. "I feel the articles himself, on film he was to open with an ap- on Tuesday and Friday have Sutton aboard, and and Charles A. Faziazio really at home with him up Carance on "Saturday Night mornings and Having to face expressed an admiration for front there." " Now when I (photo editor 1) were stealing ve," and end with ten shows another one of those damn his fast, sloppy guitar style. from The Breeie at Carriervilles Elbow Room. throw my drumsticks, I don't punk rock sections," said "He's real good, I mean, he have to worry about hitting Sutton would tnen lay the The band was not looking Moron, "they really could ruin never really cares what he articles down on the page at 10 forward to doing these gigs Jim or Jack. .my day." plays," said Kevin O'Hare, "I Sutton's first date with the p.m., each production night, without the support of their Frizzy also talked in terms wish I was that lazy." after Frizzy and Riled had trusty publicity director. So band will be on "Saturday of being relieved. "It's Vocalist Jim White was also Night Live," this week at gone home. These Debris they put in a call to Sutton to something like having a tumor pleased with Sutton's decision articles would usually cover ask him to reconsider his 11:30 p.m. EST. removed from a place to join Debris. "Mark can add The Breeze will cover the the hole reserved for "some decision about running blank precariously near your a new dimension to this classical article" which pages. event in it s entirety. 1 former features editor Dean Sutton, who had gotten the The Folio section now falls ^Hn|i >.H(gi|..|>i>i.|>i| M^ I V "Nasty Mofo" Honeychop was band their Epic Records into the hands of former co- supposedly writing back at contract, was glad, according editor Susan Turbojets. home under his rock. to all involved in the decision, She has expressed a desire At mis same time Sutton to flee The Breeie to never again run anything Beale arrested was playing guitar and So on March 29, he signed a having to do with punk rock singing lead for the notorious contract to stay with the band for as long as she lives. Bagland Spanish Inquisition untill 1988, as lead guitarist, Photo editor 2 Wild Bill Neo-Fusion Band. After producer, manager, road Tangerene was somewhat sad By ALICE COOPER recording several LPs with crew, lighting director, and to see Sutton depart. "After this group and getting publicity director. Breeze editor'Frizzy Beale was arrested today and all," he said, "he still owes me charged with attempted murder, assult with a deadly nowhere, he left them to According to Kim Perine, a case of beer." concentrate on Yellow the guiding force behind weapon and carrying a concealed weapon today after an Sports Editor Denise Smith- attempt to assasinate the band Debris Sunday in Journalism, and writing Coca anything rational that Sutton field said that he didn't even Cola commercials which does, the contract will pay in Spotswood Hall. realize that Sutton was gone. Beale's lawyer, Not Successful, was unavialable at featured the Ayatullah excess of $3 million dollars "I thought I heard less press time for comment. Khomeini. over the next eight years. arguments around here, but I It is believed that Beale was driven to this desperate Frizzy Beale and Riled In addition, Sutton will thought that Frizzy and Riled Moron, in the meantime, had recieve one 1965 Mustang GT action when she learned that Debris had been booked had just given up since they into a national tour, while she was still unemployed. been taking massive quan- convertable with pony in- were both going out into the tities of flack for their ap- terior, one 1986 Shelby 350 "But they have no tallent, especially not Sutton," she •world to be unemployed." could be occasionally heard screaming. parent support for the punk GTH, one 1967 Mustang GTA Curio editor Tricia Fish movement at Madison. Their Managing Editor Riled Moron simply snickered into convertable, one 1967 Mustang was said to be shocked at her sleeve when asked for comment. friends, all committed Barry GTA fastback, a 2,000 watt Sutton's sudden departure. Manilow freaks, were sending Dwooian Yangstee, last years Breeze editor, will power amp and seven pairs of "He left without finishing his return to his old post untill the trial is over. Yangstee is them nasty notes in the night AR 90 speakers, several story for Curio," she and painting "no more punk" currently writing a part-time fishing column for Pioneer RT-909 reel to reel screamed. "Boy, if I get my Carrierville's Daily Propaganda-Hype. on their door in sheeps blood. -tape decks, and 15 Fender hands on him I'll kill him. The i situation came to a Stratocasters. The News Editors refused to %V- »■■,»> V n l^H ^ll.Hfr Volume lf Number 1 April 1, 1980 Carrier Remodels Bathroom By EL ECTRON In a gallant, selfless effort to follow the nation's economic cutbacks, James Madison University President Ronald Carrier has institutionalized the luxurious master bathroom in his Oakview estate. Gone are the black Jacuzzi sunken tub, mirrored walls, gilt faucets, white shag carpeting and corner window overlooking a garden. In its place are a white ceramic tub with overhead shower, a toilet and sink. White and black tiles replace the carpet and a small window sheds light on the bare walls. Dressed in a white terry cloth towel with "Ronnie" monogrammed on the side, Carrier spoke with a University News reporter in his new bathroom yesterday. "I just want the students to know that, even though their tuition pays for me to live in this house, I'm just as concerned as the next guy about conservation." Carrier said while tugging his towel tighter across his waist. "I'll miss watching the birdies chirp in the garden every morning, wat- ching myself in the mirrored walls to see if I get all the soap off my back, and rolling on the shag carpeting to dry off, but, like I said, even though the other bathroom was essential, this one should further prove my dedication to my university, the state and nation," he said. The major problem with the new set-up is that the Carrier will have to JMU President Ronald Carrier and his wife before their institutionalized bathroom find a new location to hold his private meetings with members of the General Assembley, formerly held in the pool-size Jacuzzi with the philosophy of "you scrub my back; I'll scrub yours." Carrier's wife, Edith, suggested that the institutional bathroom posed another problem. "When visitors _,\ come and visit the, house, they exoect . ^..~»_. *»•»—. a tour. Well, I never used to show them the bathroom because it was so erotic. Now, I can't show them the bathroom because it's so normal- people wouldn't expect such quaint ness from Ronnie, she said. But showing that he is normal is something Carrier is striving for, as he continues plans for remodeling the rest of the house and grounds to demonstrate that since students must pay higher tuition, he too should be affected by the inflation and energy crises. The floor-to-ceiling windows in their daughter's section of the house will be replaced with brick; however, a skylight will be added to the roof there so "my baby can tell when it's night and day—it usually takes her weeks to find her way out of the multi-level, multi-room house," said Mrs. Carrier. Carrier is thinking of turning his backyard into a mini-country club ■■■■HiHaHl where for only $2,000 each month students and faculty can enjoy the trampoline, tennis courts and The present master bathroom proves Carrier's dedication to the University . swimming; >poql in. Carrier's, .back,, -.yaeiv.ViV ■ ». a =>»'JV> >rrnu'vi *iY ! POQ» Two Newattlre Stability Added To Faculty Dress By I LUV RON tie outfit for both male and female Faculty attire for "any occasion" KDfessors. White shirts with black has been introduced by academic wties or knotted ties are man- affairs vice president Dr. Thomas datory, while a black jacket and pants Stanton to the James Madison may be suited to the individual's University Faculty Senate. ■ needs. Some faculty may opt for a Stanton unveiled his new dress code plaid wool scarf thrown casually at Thursday's meeting but was quick about the neck, while others may go to caution that "this plan is luce a the casual route with designer jeans weed. Either it grows on you or it to complete the outfit doesn't." "It's important to have some Long dismayed by the disparity of element of stability in young peoples' faculty apparel, Stanton said he lives. I think the white-black contrast thought some guidelines should be on our chests will do the trick," established for the university's Stanton said. "Why, I already have leadership sector. "After all, we're students saluting me as I walk down here to set an example, preserve the hall," he said, straightening his morality and respect the goodness of bowtie. the American ethic. And although I'm The proposal was passed sure our students understand our unanimously by the Faculty Senate, motives, our dress needs to com- after only five hours of debate and 26 Ptxito by Flank Fraifofo "ement that attitude." members were asked to leave the Professor UA. Sharp* even does his laundry Stanton proposes a modified black meeting.- fci the newfoculty outfit. Niece Carries on Name at James Madison U. By KISIS BUTT Chopin, Bach, and Beethoven, with The James Madison University some Scott Joplin to be included as a Music Department delights in an- bonus at the end of her studies at nouncing that their newest piano James Madison University. student is a direct descendant of Although Miss Madison has never James Madison University's great met her famous ancestor, she said she namesake, James Madison. feels as if "I know him like my dad- Madelene Madison, a seven-year- dy," after discussing Madison with old from Jamestown (ironically, not history professor Dr. Daymond named after the great patriot James Ringledine and the Founder's Day Madison) is the great-great-great speakers from the past 10 years. grand niece twice removed of the "I want to go to James Madison university's founder, James Madison. University when I grow up," Miss Miss Madison will be under the Madison said after an appointment instruction of experienced keyboards with an admissions counselor. professor Dr. Ivory Delite as she "Purple and gold are my favorite engages in a eight-week study of colors." Piano student Fee Increase Welcomed Here Madelene Madison By I. LUV RON own toilets," Carrier said. "And hot include a coach for each athlete and a The executive committee of the dogs, hamburgers and french fries 200 percent increase in women's University James Madison University Board of will replace that damn fancy food scholarships while the men's program Visitors has announced a $500 per they've been serving in the dining receives only a 198 percent increase. semester increase in tuition and room hall— Spinach quiche, stuffed Such measures are necessary to News and board fees for the 1980-81 flounder, and steak once a week. Who comply with Title IX, which prohibits academic year. do they think they're feeding over sexual discrimination in federally- The University News is "I hate to raise those fees but how there, the governor of Virginia?" supported educational programs , published to promote faculty, else do you expect to grow out .of our » The remaining 3480 semester in- " r'Heck, our little girls have been staff, 'students an POQ»fhf# I Pcy four ~T Groundbreaking rituals, 3 p.m. Skywatch Program, 11 p.m. every Friday until midnight Sunday, Sunday, rooftop, Burruss Hall. In- Madison Memorial Library. 8,200 terpretations of Mr. Moon's facial students needed to dig foundation for acne will be offered by three local new library addition. Shovels dermatologists. provided, courtesy of Ronald Carrier, university president. Saw Hole Gallery,8 p.m.-midnight, 1-5 Auditions, 7 p.m., Thursday, a.m. and whenever you get the urge. President's conference room in The annual hole show features photos Wilson Hall. Stand-ins for Ronald and art renderings of local cavities. Carrier needed for future over- Manholes, potholes and assholes are bookings Applicants must two eyes, a among the many crevices displayed nose and a mouth. Ears optional. in this multi-dimensional ex- travaganza. Also featured will be local talents in action, demonstrating JMU Journal. 6:30 p.m., WVPT-TV, the aesthetics of sawing holes. Commune Concert, 12 p.m., Monday, Chainsaw fanatics are welcome to WMRA. The nightly sounds recorded (channel 51) Toilet maintenance on attend all festivities. Sponsored by live from the joint residence of 26 the James Madison University Pickled People Exhibit,9-9:05 JMU students on South Main Street. campus will be featured on this half- The School of Fine Arts and Com- weekend mornings at the Harrison- Parental guidance suggested. hour show produced by Veedee Clap, munication, Dean Fondle MacHokey. burg-Rockingham Historical Society, a Radio-TV intern in the university s 301 S. Main St.. Prominent citizens Communication Arts department. from Harrisonburg's past are ?"artworks Art Kxhibit.noon-5 p.m., preserved in lifesize jars (com- irst day of each month. A display of pliments of the Ladies Auxiliary) in U News, now, you dolt. Carrier Current Affairs, 6:56 p.m., Tuesday, last month's student parking tickets this exhibit featuring Thomas remodels bathroom, to the praise of WMRA. JMU psychologists discuss are represented in this show that was Harrison and George Keezell. Dr. the Harrisonburg, Rockingham and the faculty-student rendevous now expanded throughout the two-story Daymond Ringledine, of James university community. See the front circulating on the university campus. house to accommodate the 10,000 Madison University's history page. entries. department, will be on hand to explain their significance to the community. New Unimage Photography Exhibit, 24 lours a day, Monday-Sunday. Second floor closets, Duke Fine Arts Building. Blank photos are featured in Fashion Show, 1 p.m., Wednesday, this student and faculty exhibit in Duke's Grill. Sorority sisters will which the photographers themselves model this season's newest addition to explain what their pictures would the prep look: Izod pitguards, haye represented if they had only specially designed to prevent the removed their lens caps when taking embarrassment of underarm stains Dr. F. Agot, physical education Ms. E.Z. Hooke, university relations the photographs. Sponsored by the incurred during prime party gatoring. assistant professor, attended the secretary, has accepted the position JMU art photography faculty. second annual "I am Woman" con- of General Assembly lobbyist. Her vention at Finnochio's female im- new office will be Suite 1000, Con- personating parlor in San Francisco. Women's wrestling, 2 p.m., Tuesday, fidante Inn, Richmond. Office hours 8 Agot will be demonstrating his fin- p.m. to 8 a.m. and by appointment. Hostages Armchair Tour, take-off Main lobby, Madison Memorial dings in Godwin's male locker rooms time, 6 p.m. atOakview estate in front Library. Heavy weights will be this Sunday at 2 a.m. of the living room fireplace. Tour the featured in this double-bruiser with Dr. Sin Soared, professor of religion U.S. hostages in Iran from the Mary Baldwin College and Eastern and philosophy, has been published in comfort of flying armchairs, financed Mennonite College. Ms. Con Celt, instructor of asser- National Lampoon magazine. He by the Student Government tiveness training in the JMU Coun- doesn't remember what he wrote. Association's leftover budget and seling Center, has been awarded first organized by the JMU Armchair Tour Erotic Dance Exhibition,5 p.m., place among 121,000 other contestants Committee. Help celebrate the Dr I.M. Unsure, associate professor Friday, Grafton-Stovall. Students of in the national Me Decade com- of human sexuality, has been named hostages' ISO-day anniversary. erotic dance will exhibit their skills as petition. Ceit won for her essay, "Why Iranian students will be on hand to the father of Mrs. Unsure's baby boy the final examination for their class. I was a success in the 70s and will after three months of research serve beer, wine and mixed drinks to Their grades will be based on become even better in the 80s." visitors. M-16s will be provided by the audience reaction and participation. committee. Wear a yellow ribbon. Hillcrest Faculty Club Lunch Specials of the Day- .* - * • .: ■*5a "*. .- Today - Six oz. ground beef patty Wednesday - Chopped steak with onions Thursday - Ground chuck delight Friday - Quarterpounder with fries Monday - Hamburger a la mode /- Lunch hours -11 a.m. to 1 p.m. • i H > 'Elastic Supression': Faculty punk for the masses By MIKE SHUTTY (Un- would be complete withour a state of emergencey, and derground correspondent) "Elastic Suppression" was vocalist, Deploris Nets, who ordered the Mortar Board to in the middle of their version Despite repeated intrusions while stomping her blood red send in some undercover of Keith Richard's new by a determined clan of heels into the floor would agents to infiltarate the rocker, "Ode to the Montreal conscientious students in- thrust the microphone at the faculty punk event in order to Parhment," when the Mortar cluding Mortar Board's crowd with phallic arrogance determine what proportion of Board swat team crashed chastical swat team, Quebec's demanding total par- the faculty had been con- through the plastic security weirdest musical digression ticipation. And like a circus of sumed. force. What followed could "Elastic Suppression" schizophrenic minds, they "It was a horrifying ex- only be described as chaos. In carried Madison's first responded with a frensied perience," one agent recalled. their white crusader suits, faculty punk event into retalliation of gross ob- "All my beloved professors, armed with oversized replicas scandalous proportions scenities mixed with garbled even the quiet ones who of the symbolic 'teacher's resulting in the destruction of intellectual comment. always bring their textbooks ruler' (a punisber dating back D-Hall's exclusive dinner "It was orgasmic," a to class, were jumping on to the one room schoolhouse), theatre last Sunday night. business professor com- tables, spilling grain alcohol the swat team immediately Although cleverly mented later. "There's all over their clothes. Some took to violence. masqueraded as an in- nothing better than opening up were hypnotized by the "This was my first teacher vitational gourmet, it became the mind and getting uprising," swat team coor- increasingly clear early in the aggressive. Academia is just library reported seeing a African dancers, but others, dinator, Ed Zonk said. evening that such secretive a bunch of social ab- "bald-headed professor in they were all hands. My heart "Usually we just seek out and madness could not go un- stractions: but this, this is alien clothing clinging to a was shattered and bruised; punish misguided students noticed or ignored by the real—I can feel it." lamp post mumbling my intellect was begging that who fail to do their homework, student body. No, it was like a The group's reactive stance something about having to his was a charade or a product but this is big time. We sizzling bombshell begging for was reflected in their lyrics make-up a test for Monday." of some mind-expanding drug. rounded them up—like cat expression. Devastation which blatantly denied the It was a jolting scene. But it wasn't, students don't lingered heavily in the air like role of Amercan in- SGA president, Dave take drugs, teachers do," he (Continued on Page 20) a haunting neurosis. In the dividualism—it was a rather Martin, immediately declared added. tense moments before the pessimistic, yet rudely band appeared, one sensed the awakening: restless impatience of un- certainty. I'm just a burn-out without "Man, it was like preparing your body babe. Bagland band rocks out to dive into an abyss," one Simply a black, insensitive professor recalled. "After a carbon spot-lifeless and cool. week of dodging anxious By JOHNNY B. GOODE example of minimalism—one the John Nothing to say, nothing to Bagland Spanish Inquisition chord), "The Morning After," students who constantly pull think about, Oh no! They're saying bad at my coat tail for grades, I Neo-Fusion Band; "Smell Ya and "Beefeater Gin Meets the words A member of the null set, no Later." Porcelain God," which was ready to change the personality. Lasagna at D-Hall! game-plan and just lose it." Yes, the boys from Bagland features an ascending syn- Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! are back with another exciting Without a stage call or even Yea, our political views thesizer solo by keyboard the briefest forewarning, the double album, "Smell Ya wizard Greg "Gonzo" Horton. Anderson sings again on have really had a diverse Later." This is the band's first huge silvery curtains swung effect on our audiences," Horton also sings on one "General Hospital Blues" open revealing the "Sub- album without guitarist Mark track, 'Enter the Tomb," where he states: guitarist, Dorsia Spikes, Sutton who has left the band which is about Sunday mor- mission," including their cast explained later. "Student because "the name's too f—' of fifteen African dancers governments have banned us ning dorm life. I need you Monica long." He has since joined In some of the band's New Like a dog needs a bone... garbed with strings of from most campuses across Debris, a local punk rock fluorescent trinkets depicting the country, but what do they Wave matrerial, vocalist Ken I need you Laura band. "Iggy" Anderson steps into Like Allen Jr. needs a home various religious absurdies. know—fat college students, Despite the absence of Their sexual virulence was heads boasting of cerebral the limelight to render a tremendously provoking, Sutton's incomprehensible heavy metal medley of the Powell does a Chuck Berry excellence, a million brain vocals and kinky hair, this is Statler Brothers' greatest controlling a thousand eyes at cells packed like sponges with still a dynamite album. tribute, which features once in an inviting blend of useless verbage dating back hits, which he handles in true "Reelin' and Rockin", "My primal fantasies. Guitarist Bryan Powell has Slim Whitman fashion. Ding-a-ling," and the classic to antiquity. Excel, ex eel-be reportedly reached Level II of Drummer Andy Dalshiem With capricious exor- individual bah. its. like a toy the Mel Bay correspondence "Nadine." Powell missed the bitance, female guitarist, you find in Capt' Crunch, has a long solo on "Bug Eyed recording of the band's fourth mail order guitar course. His People," and a shorter one on album, "Kenney Burger Dorsia Spikes, clenched a meaningless," she added with seven-minute feedback solo on huge brass slide roughly a laugh. "The Fat Lady Sings Again." Blues," when he drove 2000 caressing her chromed Dobro "Madison Wind" is He also shares vocals with miles for Berry's autograph, As one psychology professor remarkable. The lyrics also Anderson on "Oh No!" which producing sadistical slashing put it, "I play with little white defy belief: only to find his hero in jail. sounds crashing off the back rats all day and help students features Tim "Don't do me Among other dazzling wall like a slave-master's like that" Hughes on electric tracks on this LP, Chip Bird- play with little white rats all The Madison Wind feedback trumpet and Mike. whip. day—little games with little It's cold as hell sail adds a little country rock The crowd responded in- rules—it's a psuedo world. Rowe on electric unicycle. Dr. flavor with "The She Year stantly, circling the stage Just give me some gin Norman Sinjin Polevaulter Plan" and "The CBS For me, punk is the essence." And ail is well. (alias Paul Wehr) adds drunkenly spellbound and About halfway through the Method." euphorically drugged by the . .Yeah, yeah, yeah ... physio-electromagnetic guitar Guests appearing on this second set. it became ap- on this one. The lyrics here band's captiveness. parent that the secret bash album include Ann Pood, Other hard-rocking tracks are also superb: Powell's girlfriend, who sings had been discovered. Several which merit attention include BUT NO PUNK scenario students returning from the "Wasted" (an exellent Oh no! Lost my key down (Continued on Page 26) Billbored's Top Ten 1. "Do You Remember Rock *N' Roll Radio" Jerry Weaver 2. "Accidents Will Happen"-US Olympic Boycott 1 3. "(YOU GOTTA) Look Sharp"-Gator Girl I I 4. "Mummy's Boy" Anwar el-Sedat I I 5. "Rock Lobster" JMU in Florida I I «. "Uncontrollable Urge"-Minority Recruitment I I 7. "Problems" Bani Sadr I I 8. "Fear of Music"-Tfae Breeze Ban on Punk (New I Wave) I Photo by Johnny Rotten 9. "I'm So Bored With the USA"-Puerto Rico's In- I ELASTIC SUPPRESSION. Whit in th« hell i» tlaitic *uppr«tiion You tall ma. I hatathUitupJd goddamn |ob anyway I How do I get dependence I anyway, and why do I allwayi gat stuck writing crap Ilka this? out at thlt chickan outfltftrrfTf I 10. "Eat To The Beaf'-Spotswood's Mice I . ' - ! -4^- Ayatollah rocks to top of pops with 'SomeHostages' Bv BILLY SHEARS psychological trauma that Come back, come back, come Goo A Joob,'•'] Khomeini la-shion, hopping "across 'the The robe and turban are mast be his own Fifty extra back to where you once displays the kind .of guitar Stage in the same way Chuck black, the eyes are blacker dishes, fifty extra glasses-.. belonged work that has become, his Berry does Actually! Chuck • still, but the,beard is a striking r fifty extra napkins gee fella Come back, come back, come trademark With one foot in Berry does it. the way, white* Yes, Ayatollah * if it was me. I would tell all. back to where you once the bjues-psychodeha of Ayatollah does Ayatollah has ; Ruhollah Khomeini is showing those inconsiderate Yankees . -i*... belongedc Clapton and "Hendrix., and boon a Found a long time, and I ,V signs of physical age. but the to go home You don't need i, ■ Come back Pahlavi. come other in his ".own brand - of do not think we. even need-to man still wants to jam After them. .-.'.■ '."', home i uncompromising amplifier argue about who started it' . last year's "The Ayatollah s Lyrically, "Hostages'' is the ■•■■.' destroyer, and to the leye. a It is my wish for you dear White Album," I for one ex Ix'M tiling that ever happened LeVs geC away from the frenzy of movement almost readers that you get to see. this . pec ted the old guy to go play to Khomeihi There seems to lyrics, they make me feel so unbecoming of his' seventy performer He does not have shufflehoard .somewhere, but be an underlying concept in inept You could not get them nine years to be live it could t>e a here he is again with an album this "alburn", although it is either, could you.' rtiovie With this ' album and that is sure to a classic. much too opaque for me to Musically. Ayatollah has I had the privilege of seeing enough prayer. poor "Some Hostages." figure out He seems to be once again shown as why he the Imam ljve irvconcert, last Ayatollah may be saved from Last year's "White Album"" working through a character has been called the master of year in his ''I Don't Like the fifty intruders in his home contained some well-produced of his creation he calls his instrument, the electric • Sdtan" world tour After he One thing for sure though, this disco cuts such as "A Drum of Shah" guitar In-such rockers as "I spit bjood and breathed guy tours, and he is a guv. you Beethoven" and "You Should Am the Eggman, I Am The .fire,the real action started He must see him bo do not -be... Be Dancing. But If You Are Hey Shah, don t make it bad Walrus. I Am the Imam. Goo played guitar in unrelentless afraid to release anv dollars Not, You Should Be Snorting Take chemotherapy and make Cocaine it better Khomeini's fine falsetto Remember our hit men will be, vocals worked well with the there soon Elvis goes Muzak on new LP musical accompaniment of Then you can start to feel his band, the Khomeim-ettes deader from the Mormon Tabernacle is an unpardonable flaw for Hey Shah, don't be afraid Bv TOM KINNAHAN We- all felt somewhat The world gurgles down the Choir there-but as a whole it any easy-listening venture— enlightened That is why if We are to go out and get you the kiss Of death The minute we get under your drain before our eyes falls short, of its mark. It just anyone did expect a new Economies spiral, wars rage, doesn't make you feel like Naturally there are the album from this guy—and skin v'' > Then you begin to feel deader terrorism' runs rampant, and .you're in an elevator, or even that's what he is. a helluva there is always there is "The a department store, and that (Continued on Page 261 —-guy—they certainly did not Bomb" What will save the expect anything quite like It has a good beat,, and the \Jlji0mi4f*mm *4f* Some Hostages " But as we missus and 1 love to dance to "World from certain * Faculty-* all should have known, the it, but why does it have to be destruction'? ■ ■ Ayatollah has not stayed in so abstract? Why is it the Elvis Costello feels easy listening muzak is the future i Continued from Page 19) sequently been in the .mainstream of Ayatollah cannot say what he stitutionalized It had been an has to. say in plain English? of popular culture—"Really progressive music by nestling New Wave," he calls it "I just eerie and climatic night, but it« into any successful grooves. All the songs on this album - was finally over Elastic We should have expected a contain some form of. this want to f—n' calm everybody tie" concept, but I cannot for the down," he said in a recent Suddenly a fire exploded Suppression will never be radical change. You fooled us interview. from Spikes' Marshall stack. back wild guy! life of me figure out what it is. See -if you can: Unfortunately, Costello's sending an electrical potential As one student summed it Inspired by the in- first easy-listening album on steaming across the room up, "I never realized the conveniences that fifty drop-in the Muzak label is a disap- ionizing the entire crowd The powerful black magic that guests can bring, "Some Pahlavi was a man who faculty froze in ecstasy, but Hostages" is this radical shift thought he was a leader pointment. The album entitled punk music can have, or any But he knew it couldn't last. i Get Off On Elevators,'' has the Mortar Board members rock music for that matter I The Ayatollah no longer wants were able to liberate them vow never to listen to music us to dance to the executional Pahlavi left his home in some good moments—a hot Tehran, Iran, for an Egyptian violin lick from the Montoyani from the disaster Several again, for I am a "university beat of dropping bodies, but man " now wants to express the palace Strings here, tasty harmonies faculty members have sub- '•■ .'..-•'■ ' ... • ■ - .'■ - . .*, -• -,L .4 . • Sleazers 'harmless little loonies* YAf makes plans to take over The Breeze By I'.K. Spineless like Konald Keagari," nothing they can pr"i,nt without committing suicide" for added The Young Americans for remarked member BaFrie our approval," one YAFer Anyone including President Although most Sleazers. now Fascism announced ' plans Gold Water. .. . . • claimed. • Ronnie Carrier to try to fall under the* category of he/e over the "weekend to Once known as the top leftist YAF dictator Chuck control The Breeze. being "harmless little begin infiltrating and even- newspaper in the nation, The "Cunning" Ham said he Those "long—haired loonies," Ham said he has not tually taking over The Breeze Breeze now has the notable believes most of The Breeze - sniveling twits" used to decided exactly how to deal YAF spokesmen- say they distinction of being an ab- staff has now reached '.'an constantly libel our up- with the highly dangerous and are just tickled pink at the solute "status quo".organ of almost human state," sup- standing young fascist reactionary fbrces sparked by opportunity to take' over the extreme rightists, according porting the YAF principles of population at JMU and warp the liberal influence of Vance campus newspaper. "James to YAF sources who also government control and trie their minds with liberal Richard Sun and Mark. Su Madison University students claim to have successfully implementation of a "master idealistic thoughts, according Ton "There is'no need" for are so politically ignorant, planted several facist-leaning race." to Ham However, the new worry, YAF will eliminate they think we are just some editors, writers and Sleazers spend their time in them wh#n it is appropriate,", conservative group who proofreaders on the Jt'ST TWO years ago Ham Geek Row "and stay out of he said support a liberal subversive newspapers'payroll "There's noted that it would be "like trouble for the most part, he YAF officials say they will support current Breeze news editor C.L. More as next ear's editor-in-chieT Besides Breeze honored for surveying excellence £ ing such a dedicated YAF member, More is also.known for her ability to consume By St'ZIE SURVEYOR efficiency of surveys." Sarnie cited a number of Breeze editor Frizzy Beale The Breeze. James Madison large amounts of alcohol This is the first time The reasons behind the award was deeply touched by the "Give her a six-pack a night, University's award-winning Breeze has been honored for choice survey award "I always publication, has received yet its surveys, although they knew those cub reporters of and she will probably submit another honor to all of our demands," Ham have been a favorite of "Man.^those dudes at that mine were on to a good thing," said Harris _ Polls rated the students for some time ' Breeze are pretty cool," she said as she wiped tears campus newspaper first in the According to Sarnie Sur- Sarnie commented "They from her eyes. "I'm sure \ nation tor excellence »ini "WE WILL be eliminating veyor, chairman of the take the time and dedication gonna miss those surveys what'.' little controversial ^tujveying techniques, calling awards committee, The to interview 150 JMU students when I graduate " the publication "the finest in topics are left in The Breeze," , > -a Breeze was chosen from a for each and every survey According to Beale, the Ham noted Comic strips such ..the country in accuracy and field of over 10.000 papers they complete." paper is considering a new as Madisonman that make fun Sarnie was especially im- weekly column, "Sample of anything at all will not pressed by the wide range of Survey Subjects." appear and neither will that topics covered in Breeze sickening editorial page that surveys ," "As long as we can make at cuts down everthing Carrier SOUTH HAMPTON least 150 JMU students happy, and the Student Government "If you want the answers. -all is not lost." Beale sobbed Association does, he added. COIN LAUNDRY The Breeze has gorihem.'' he President Ronnie Carrier Although YAF has not said That paper ean tell you was impressed with The decided exactly what they will ' the future of marriage and Breeze's latest honor "Those allow to appear in The Breeze. Tired of waiting in line for your sex, the future of the country guys at that Breeze office are they said in the meantime and even the world, how on the ball." Scarrier said. "I they will just fill the empty dorm's washer ? Come to students'feel about the fools just can't imagine constantly space with ridiculous and who are playing around in the having to interview 150 JMU harmless articles by Sally Southhampton and end your wait. government and even the fate students, especially with the Survey.. of long distance romances." weird schedules they often Things are coming along 1425 S.Main 434-526-0 Sarnie continued keep.' right on schedule, according to Ham "Now that we have "Gosh, those students at A recent Breeze survev The Breeze right where we JMU 'can build their lives revealed that students are want it, we have plenty of time around the results of The very happy about the award before the 1984 elections to Breeze's surveys." he said i According to 150 randomly-, gain control over all the BACK ALLEY just wonder if those apathetic polled students, surveys are campus, and propel Ham into college kids know how lucky the best thing since curfews the early presidential -the\: are.'.' Z—_—, 1— wer-e. abolished—and—sex -primaries: ■——. BIKES decriminalized NO¥ SPRING SHIPMENT OF Scotland BICYCLES IN Ya*d AMD MORE A*& r...... - ,, -A—. ON THE WAY!!! ($155.00 and up ) prewnte: Student Night Every Thursday Night *1.50 all night long with ID Bicycles and Mopeds! . Sales and Service Featuring Uw Entertainment 434-9484 .Open 10-6 Tues.- Sat. ScoHaniiari Upstairs,on the corner of • ■--.'■■ . Water and Main in MDeilahfe Pino Chfeken Down to wq Harrisonburg. We also have backpacks,locks, i' and a full line of accessories. DOOM open tt 7:30 US Mtootfi For info cad 433-1113 IDHIIHIIHIIMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMIMIIIMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIirillllllllllllllHIIHIIIHUIHIIIIIIMIIIIIMIIII WatkerindictedbyROTQ CHECK OUT THESE faces death penalty By M08HY BEGIN Moose head also intercepted fumes. SPECIALS! The Army ROTC Depart- three transmissions between Second Lieutenant Randy ment's military honor society Walker and 2nd Lt. Randal Dragon was arrested in here has indicted 2nd Lt Alvin Dragon, who is assigned in Heidelbery, Germany after Walker on two counts of high Germany, said the spectral two ounces of cocaine feU capital offenses. Walker faces source. Dragon supplied from behind his ears, said Little River Band the death penalty. Walker and J C. Snaman, Cap. Raymond Unger. Dragon The Scabbard and Blade alias King Koke, with an concealed the drugs by using "Backstage Pass" Honor Society charged average of two gigagrams of Dippity-Do on his sideburns Walker for violating Articles cocaine every semester, said said Unger. 104 and 117 under the Uniform the source, (one gigagram Walker, Dragon, and Code of Military Justice. equals 1,000,000,000 grams). Snaman face court martials, Firefall According to the formal Snaman, a well-known which are punishable by ii charges made by Lt Col. sniffer, was honorably death. A $75,000 bond has been Undertow" Delrdre Triplett, "Second discharged from the Army set for Dragon and Snaman. Lieutenant Alvin Walker did ROTC program after the Walker is being held in con- without proper authority battalion staff found that he finement until the court Bob Seger communicate and correspond would not smell artillery martials convene. with the Palestine Liberation Organization in violation of "Against the Wind" Article 104, and the 2nd Lt. did write provoking editorials in The Breeze, in violation of Kenny Rogers Article 117. Isn'trael's intelligence service, Moosehead, is "Gideon" responsible for the charges against Walker, said a ghostly source. Moosehead in- tercepted seven secret Pat Travers Band transmissions between II Walker and Yasser Arafat of "Crash & Burn the PLO. The intelligence service was given a tip by Staff Sgt. Maj. Al Willner, said the source. "That vicious and double- COME SEE THE WORLD'S dealing Lt. (Walker) not only FIRST TALKING PINBALL misrepresented himself to the ■ J battalion staff, but he also did attempt to recruit students for MACHINE AT the PLO cause with his sen- sitive and inciting editorials in The Breeze, said Willner. Walker was also charged with a number of felonies ranging from being addicted to marijuana to smuggling cocaine from Germany. imniMtMHMiimmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimi' It was Walker who supplied The Breeze staff with "Mass Flip*!!!! quantities of cocaine," said AT THE BODY SHOP 1st Lt. Margot Boublik. Three ounces of cocaine fell out of FASHION IS Walker's nose at the pre-trial, thus providing the honor IN THE BAG! society with concrete Mon - Thurs 10am - 11pm evidence, said Maj. Jay Chambers, sniffing con- Fri & Sat 10am - 2am stantly. "We knew for some time Sunday 12pm - 11pm Baggies that Walker operated the biggest cocaine smuggling - by Calvin Klein, Fury, Michel, ring on campus, but we didn't 82 S. Main know his source," said Maj. Downtown Harrisonburg Chic, and Rumble Seats Michael Dillion. ..:'■ — m - in denim, khakis, brights, SUMMER SALES POSITION pleats,modified and full Interviews: Tuesday, April 1 Men's and Ladies Tops - long sleeve, short sleeve, knits, Earn $200 per week in Virginia. terries, oxfords, westerns, If you are interested in sales and want a terrific summer job in the Harrisonburg area, interview with University Directories on Tuesday, brights, stripes, and gauze April 1. » We need you to sell advertising for the yellow page section of your Dresses campus telephone directory. - by Gunne Sax, PBJ, You Babes, We offer: * liberal commissions and bonuses. and Plain Jane ♦ an all expense paid training program • long and formal, Easter, class, at our home office in Chapel Hill, NC. street, and sun * opportunities to sell at other universities. - Sign up for an interview at the Office of Career Planning and Place- ment. There's a detailed job description there too! University Directories P.O. Box 2145 TtoTk« riir«l.tutpm -MMfafl •* - On- —TIM cXrt-^ Squar*- Chapel Hill, NC 27514 1 HsnaNHM St., HwilianSwil OpM Immdwf mU FrM*r NifhH 'ft'» p.m (919)929-4131 Opm My 10 MI I* S p.m. Vikings attack campus, sororities By BRENDA STARR After surveying the brighter side, remaining The few lone survivors of damage, President Ronald students will be able to the Viking raid last Sunday Carrier who returned receive more personal help night that reduced the James yesterday from the governor's from their professors and next Madison University campus mansion in Richmond where year's freshmen class can be to a smouldering pit of ashes he and his family sought enlarged greatly." and broken corpses are still a refuge, indicated that it would bit bewildered and upset over take several years and Carrier has instructed the the experience that most of millions of dollars to repair JMU health center to them say has ruined the damage caused by the distribute all the Empirin and spring semester. marauders. As for the 5,000 Sudafed necessary to heal "There were men in horned students left dead or maimed student wounds. helmets running about in the wake of Viking violence, "Tomorrow," concluded hacking at students with said Carrier: "Well, of course Carrier optimistically, "Is broadswords. The campus it's a great tragedy, but on the another day." was in flames, there were bits and pieces of charred bodies •WtS/S «£ vVO^R lying everywhere. It was a definite bummer." the small stream that runs not look any different from This is how Nosmo King, through the middle of the regular party goers. "They one surviving JMU freshman campus and out onto Newman acted pretty normal," said describes the trauma of being Lake, where they raped and Gardner. "They drank a lot of a victim of the first Viking pillaged the sorority houses. beer and made grabs at the attack in 900 years. "I really Fatt indicated that campus little sisters, so when they would not like to do it again, police were powerless to aid suggested that we all go out he added. students in repulsing the and sack the sorority houses, Other survivors have their marauders because they are we just went along. I guess the own tales of horror to tell, as is not American citizens and any horned helmets should have the case with Dave Letson harm done to them might tipped us off, though." who inadvertently saved his cause an international in- From Greek Row the life from the Viking scourge cident. Vikings moved 6Ver to Lake by locking himself in his room "Anyways, they only pay us Complex where they met with to study early Saturday to distribute parking tickets," some resistance from morning. said Fatt, "we sure as hell Chandler and Shorts but were "I had to study for this test aren't going to fight Vikings." welcomed with open arms by on Monday," said Letson, "so ' Eyewitness accounts in- residents of Eagle. I missed two parties Saturday dicate that Vikings were That the Vikings were ac- night, but when I came out joined in their rampage tive enough to stage this Monday morning the whole across campus by many JMU devastating raid which campus had been blown away fraternity members, who claimed over half of the . . I sure wasted my time." were seen with Vikings laying university's students, is a Campus police are still waste to Wilson Hall and the N question that perplexes baffled over why Viking complex. members ot the JMU history raiders chose to sack JMU, a "Well, we didn't know they department. land-locked university of no were Vikings or anything, "I thought the Vikings had apparent strategic value. said Bob Wilson, a member of settled down, become fanners "I don't know why they TKE, currently in custody at and embraced Christianity picked on us," said Chief the Harrisonburg station sometime in the 10th Cen- Eustace P. Fatt, "UVa would house with all the other male tury," said history instructor seem the obvious choice or members of Greek Row. "We Dr. Dana V. Sadarananda, maybe the Eastern Men- just thought they were guys "but, then what do I know." nonites." out looking for a good time." Whether the Vikings have According to survivors' Greg Gardner, a member of indeed become farmers in the reports put together by Fatt, Sigma Pi, explained that the past centuries, and whether the Vikings skillfully Vikings crashed their the JMU raid is merely a fluke navigated their longships up fraternity party, but they did occurence, is a question that cannot yet be answered. But the Vikings last official act of crucifying all campus ACCORDING TO A Breeze nrvey of 15* Christians along the road up to (randomly selected, of coarse) JMU shaieafc. ! Tired of your old Party Routine?; living with the same person for a long period of D-Hall, indicates to some that time can lead to identity crises. The above they have not yet fully girts have been roommates hi Fredericks oa adopted Christianity. Hall for four years and now are inseparable Do you need a new en viromen t friends. to induce Better Highs & Deeper Downs? , _ Cissy and Buffy Dayis's Well, abandon that drab House of Fine Living collegiate Brew Bash and crawl r into the depths of the: Enjoy an exclusive weekend in complete luxury. THE Keep it in the family, after all how do you think COALMINES!!!! we kept Uncle Bill hqppy!\!? . , . . Experience the culinary expertise of Mr. French. Every weekday 3-8: Black Lung Happy Hour TOWELS AND MARGARINE PROVIDED (Hardhate provided) Call at least a week in ^Once you've crawled down it's advance for reservations. hard to catch your breath!!" 3536 W.QuilinSt. 435-4142 8855 South High St. 123-4344 * l ^■".^„v*%V»r«*..rrrrV«»«rifr»tf «»#..«•• ...,««..,', V. .V/«\V«V.V*.V*%* * * ss£ra%4£* iu i ;i£?rccrm,v«v. «• v«v« Sports By SCOOP SMITH aqj pies ..iXriA saijaJSUJBO James Madison Univer- aqj JO sanwioaSid sity's sports team will no J3UJB3 aqi si iniM longer be called the Dukes, dn auioo pjnoa i SOUJBU -quo according to the school's 3U1 pUB 'SU1MUW SBM I„ ouioaaq suooBid JOIJJBQ am President Ronnie Scarrier. M After long, sleepless hours jo uoisjaA aieuiaj /*au aqi |U of contemplation, Scarrier felt women's director athletics it was time for a change. "I Dr. Leotus Morrison. "That thought about it for a long just won't do, that just won't time," Scarrier said. "Now, do. Nobody's ever called me a that all of our teams are at the pigeonette before, and they're Division I level, it's time we not going to start now." got a Division I name." Baseball coach Brad Scarrier has proposed to the Babcock refused comment, university's Board of but did spit a wad of tobacco Directors a name, which in juice on the reporter's shoes the President's words would after being asked the really jazz up the school's question. athletic image. He introduced Despite all the apprehension the name "The Carriers," and about he new name, Scarrier the new mascot would be a plans to continue with the "Carrier Pigeon." process of changing the JMU got its. first nickname school's nickname. from its former President "Listen, people laughed at Samuel Duke, and Scarrier the Greeks, too, when they believes it's only fair the used to run around naked school keeps up with the when they started that thing times. they called the Olympics. Just "Listen, it's only fair I get look how far that has come, some credit for building this now. athletic program," Scarrier said. "After all, I've done more for this university's athletic department in my few years as President than Dukes did in all of his years. "Let's get down to facts. Hell, they were still playing basketball in Keezle Hall when he left, and we didn't even have a football team. Now we've got a post-season - tournament basketball team and a Division I football team, almost. How, can I let this unjustice continue longer than , it already has?" As far as the new Dukes is concerned, Scarrier said he'll leave it up to Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity and the Nelson family to "figure out what to do with that dog." • ''It's not my problem,'' Scarrier said. "I don't have that fat, bee die-eye mutt slobbering all over my house and I didn't spend half my yearly budget for it. I've got more important things to do with my time, like finding just the right pigeon for the new mascot." A spokesman for SPE and the Nelsons said yesterday the two parties will sue Scarrier for breaking a verbal -o-.. JWnt to always use the dogs as the school's "symbolic leader." Scarrier replied to the WERE ARE THEY NOW? Members of the Tailey (second from right) to a law student at remark by simply saying. 1976 basketball team watch the action against UVa. and Jim Talder (far right) to a model for "This school needs only one Baltimore College. Telly Latum (far left) to a Barbazon of Washington. Oh yes. Herb Snow symbolic lead, and that's me seventh-year student at JMU, while Barry (second from left) to the head cook at D-Hall. with my pigeon on my Lincoln (center) to a banker in Farifax. Jack shoulder. What else could a By VLADIMIR TEELSKI This excuse led some Senator Edward Kennedy else can I do but play school ask for." Protesting the United reporters to strengthen their immediatley criticized what basketball?" A reporter on The university's athletic States' ignorance in choosing view that many Soviet of- he called Carter's hesitancy. the scene answered, "Good heads and coaches have presidential candidates, the ficials really don't take 'Hell, I'd send a team now question Uliana." Or mixed opinions over the Soviet Union announced Brezhnev seriously either. even if I had to be on it,' "Schevski quectinski change. yesterday they are boycoting Initial world reaction to the Kennedy said. Uliana ski." "Well, to tell you the truth, the Moscow Summer Soviet boycott was mixed. Informed sources say International Olympic I'll have to look at the films Olympics. President Carter said he Kennedy would participate in Committee President Lord first, to make any decisions," In making the startling would have to meet with 103 the long distance swimming Killanin fueled speculation "Shia JMIT* footb*» coach announcement, the Soviets' adv wors to deride US. policy events, While hts ruiitored thai the games- would he* »■ Challace McMillin. "I'm not described Jimmy Carter as But, Carter added his ad estranged wife Joan will take moved to an alternate site, by sure some of my recruits incompetent and weak. minstration was not surprised part in the women's shot putt calling the Soviet action know what a Carrier Pigeon Ronald Reagan, they said, by the move, and he hinted event. "unprecedented in Olympic is." was too off the wall and that U.S. may now be con- Many Russian athletes were history." He added privately "Gees, I don't know about conservative to be taken cerning forgeting about its visably distraught by the "Thoughs dirty commies, you this," said basketball coach seriously. boycott movement. sudden action. Uliana can't ever trust anything they Lou Campanelli. "Maybe I The Soviet News Agency "We've got to consider this Semenova, a 7'2" member of say through interpreters." can tell the players the new Tass said aging President a victory for our side," said the women's basketball team, Cities frequently mentioned name will make them lighter Brezhnev favored the decision Carter. "I knew my actions fought back tears as she told as alternatives are Montreal on their feet, almost to the to boycott and woulH have would cause the Soviets to an interpreter,"Heiklen and Tehran. Most sources in point of flying. Yea, that made the annouu nment backoff. I guess they can't say 7'2ski". Jknwseyski aqwuedki Washington believe the only really could work." himself except thai he and I'm a weak president skvedski skcrt kmevenski U.S. team particpating in a The major concern from the Reagan were hunting for anymore." sxvhe wqell playski basket- Tehran Olympics would be a women's department is what convolescent homes together. Democratic candidate ballski." Or "I'm 7'2". What rifle team of Marine sharp- shooters. ' • ■ ■ Smith finally makes Athlete of the Week By DENNIS SMITH especially when your as talented as I This week's The Breeze James am," explained Smith. Madison University Athlete of the He's probably been to more spor- Week has quietly went about his work ting events in his four-year collegiate this year with little or no recognition, career than most students go to in although he so justly deserves it. their lives. Still some tell him he .' While other athletes have days off doesn't know what he's talking about, or can slip by with less-than-inspired which may be true sometimes but performances, this man is always most of the time he's probably the under the gun. Like a fine point guard, most knowledgable person at the he makes his team run. And when he even, I think. has a bad everyone looks at meanly. He lettered nine times at Yorktown The Athlete of the Week is 6'4", 220- High School and made the first team pound, senior sports editor Dennis All-Patriots squad He was recruited Smith, the pride of Arlington, (wined and dined) by several top Virginia. basketball schools including Man, when you .talk about never Delaware St., Campbell College, getting the credit so richly deserved, Austin St. and Mount St. Mary's. this is the man that comes to my mind (Pretty impressive, hu). first. He's already played in 46 games He made the Arlington County 12- this year, averaging no point a game, and-under basketball all-stars as well but he sure does try hard. as averaging a tough 28 points a game Every Sunday and Wednesday for champion Wayne Insulation. morning , afternoon., night "I guess you could say I had a newspapers he slaves over his pretty illustious career," Smith said. newspaper pages beyond the call of "But, the highlight had to be when I duty, often times until early the next hit a shot with two seconds to win morning. Wayne Insulation the 12-and-under Yet, the very next day, exhausted title. and worn out from an awesome effort, he gets phone calls from out ranged "Then of course there was that time fans: "What do you mean 35 tur- I held Hawkeye Witney of then novers is a lot," "Do you realize I have DeMatha, now N.C. State to a mere 43 gone to the backwards skiing points in three quarters. And how nationals five times in the last four about that time I actually tackled years," "Come on now, I only got a Eric Sievers, now Maryland's star- page last night, what's going on," ting tight end. I mean that's really "Boring, my game wasn't boring, just was really exciting." because half the fans left and the Now he's leading those tough SPE others fell asleep, what does that football and basketball teams to prove." dominance, not only on the field, but Last season he joined the ranks of in the newspaper. JMU All-America by winning first in Dennis Smith is the glue that holds the SCJ sports writing contest, but together the entire Breeze staff. somehow the article got buried on the "Without him, I don't know what I'd second pages, talk about no respect. do," said the Breeze editor Threasa Then his coach had the nerve to say Speale. "He's probably the greatest "You sure fooled thoughs people human I've ever met." didn'tyou." I mean enough is enough. Smith agreed, "I am probably the Then the SCJ forgets to send him his greatest person she's ever met. I just gold medal, and instead he receives a try to convey all my knowledge to her, copper plated letter opener sue but sometimes it overwhelms her months later. Give this poor guy a little mind." break. Anyway, next time you pick up a Still, despite all this he has the Breeze this semester or the ability to keep his head up and fight Washington Post after that, just think even harder for what he believes in— about Dennis Smith, refered to oftens himself. as "D.R." He's my hero and I sure he "You've got to believe in yourself, is yours now. Bless this man. TrampaneB gains AP coach of the year By WASKALY WABBIT basketball.'' Today in an announcement "I guess just having all my that surprised both players friends and fans write two and fans throughout the hundred letter each, to nation, the Associated Press various reports help a lot," named James Madison said Trampanelli. University basketball coach After winning the award, Lou Trampanelli the I960 Trampanelli recieved offers coach of the year. from Georgetown, Maryland Trampanelli out distanced and DeMatha High School to UCLA's coach Larry Brown, replace their coaches. Louisiville's Denny Crum and "Why just have a good Maryland's Left Drissell for coach, when you can have a the honor. winner like Lou," said one Trampanelli, who is known athletic director. "I mean, the fors his four-corner stalls with Tramp has a hell of a way of a two point lead with five coaches guys and talking to minutes remaining, was the press. He's my top choice picked by thew wire service's to replace Righty, oh I mean sports editors. Lefty." "Who cares how he coaches basketball, he's willing to talk Trampanelli is looking over to reports at any time," one the offers, but is expected to voter said. "One tgime I stay at JMU because his called him up at four in the family is so happy in the morning and he just started valley. talking about basketball. "I mean, we don't even have Later I found out he makes to worry about getting recording of tapes for mugged or anything like we reporters early in the mor- had in Jersey," Campanelli ning. I mean he's a hell of a said. "The only thing we have BARNY TOOTHLESS demonstrates a new record in the newly formed Ice-Cream toss guy to do that. Sometimes to watch out for is the Red event in JMU track this season. He holds the event at 79 feet, three inches and a lick. when I'm lonely, I just call Necks' souped up cars him up early in the morning They've hit five or six kids on J oori 3 just to hear him talk about our street." .. ..,. ___ . -.. -.. -,.-„-■ .- — mmammmn i.jn«MMin«mm«M«MMMn • flbgs with him on "Broken Down is a monumental rock the diversity of Emerson, Chrysler Duster Shuffle," a masterpiece—a tribute to Lake, and Palmer and song many people can surely everything great about rock combines them with the talent relate to. Pond also sings lead and roll-sex, drugs, alcohol, and intellect of both Kiss and vocals on "I Ain't Gonna media hype, arrogance, and Devo. In fact, the develop- Clean Your Room No More." lots of feedback. Compared to ment of this band may have Guitarist Mark Williams their other albums like "I Was reached its peak—an almost appears on "The Old Man a Teenage Bag" or "Moving supernatural status. The meets the New Wave" and Off Campus," this LP hits words of vocalist Anderson adds something totally alien right at the heart of the probably best sum up the to this band—musical talent. American college-age scene. public's reaction to the band (But who needs it, really.) This album adopts the power when he states, on "Living in PtWfO OY Fl#l»fc rrAZrOfO Overall, "Smell Ya Later" of Led Zepplin, the social Weaver," "I can't believe statement of Pink Floyd, and you're human!" By REA PORTER Eleven people were editor Theresa Beale. "I had * Breeze- trampled to death and 81 to run away." each other's hair, and Susan others were injured during a When asked why they a got her copy, Kris got her two * Muzak -*—*• massive stampede to exit the tended the concert, mos column cut-line, Mark's (Continued from Page 30) churnin" urn of raunch and Debris concert, at James audience members indicated pictures developped, Tennis roll. It's hard to out-do Root Madison University's Godwin that they were misled by got a last minute sport story obligatory covers of Boy Slim and the Sex Change Hall last night biased reviews in the Breeze which no one was interested in "Yesterday" and "Tie a Band on the title track, but Officials say that the band's The Breeze replied that due anyway, Scott finished Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Old Boone handles it beautifully "music" caused the crowd to to lack of funding, they could Madisonman before 4:00 a.m., Oak Tree", but one wonders if with her raspy vocals and rush to the door in a state of not afford a reviewer, and had Cindy and Vance decided to the inclusion of "Ave Maria" provocative moans. Boone manic nausea. Due to security to rely on a tone-deaf volun- cut the Short Takes after all, is really appropriate. The only can handle slow songs too, as regulations, only one of the teer. Bill and Chuck were still in the up-beat number of the she proves on "LividWaste", doors unlocked. Unable to In order to prevent similar dark room, Moron and collection—a sweetened a hauntingly beautiful ballad cope with the unbearable incidents in the future, the Theresa were reminiscing version of "Macho Man"— dedicated to her fiancee, Ted drone, the crowd panicked University Propaganda Board about high school track and also fails miserably, despite Nugent. and charged through the door. (UPB) is initiating a new other unmentionable things, some sharp background Boone and her band. One eyewitness claimed program which would make it Donna was injhe corner of the vocals from Alvin and The Trashed Dwarves, planned to that it was the appearance of compulsory to file out row by room getting drunk, and Chipmunks. appear at JMU for this year's the band's newest member, row when exiting concerts. Charles and I were just Debbie Boone, on the other graduation ceremonies, but Mark Sutton, that caused him Training classes are packing up to leave for tne hand, knows what ass-kick in', unfortunately the show had to to flee. "I just couldn't handle already underway to teach the night before any more major glue-snortin' music is all be cancelled due to pending it any more," said Breeze TKE escorts how to count. problems came up. about. Her latest release, obscenity charges in three "Boogie 'Till You Puke," is a major cities. THE FOUR TOPS DANCE & SHOW Why Tuesdays are >•• something else at 0PresentedBy: THE STAUNTON- AUGUSTA JAYCEES SATURDAY, APRIL 12-AUGUSTA EXPO Our SHOW STARTS9:00 P.M. Budget Banquet Tickets available at Charles Smith Shoes Set-ups included -- Limited Tickets * $1.99 CLOUD NINE SNORKEL GLASSES (firewater) II ust : V.i '■ Hull ItHftjml Ihinuy-.Hi I IHIHI >nv !'•■ .;' ■ :■..:.■" ,l! i! .VJ:.". 1 M '■ :.r, (j.'U" l' ■. . ' ' "•'llllll TfHH.I'." - Ill"-'|- Bu'HPini' i •' Aril ,i . ■ .1 ■•• • - If rffc ' : •!•• 11 liii> sf»»v; WlllKU'?" I.t I !. ' ' 'I •'•-."• Hi-' I'll"""1- 'V- $3.98 Student* don't forget your ID U good for 66 E. Market St. Friday night till 9 ■ 15% discount on all regular price order*. Wo are something else - • - - - * y UPB EVENTS More Entertaining Than Humanly Possible! Student Coffeehouse Special Guests from Frostburg College f SIR LEW GRADE and MARTIN STARGER present A JIM HENSON PRODUCTION FOSTER THE MUPPET MOVIE" Executive Producer MARTIN STARGER • Produced by JIM HENSON Written by JERRY JUHL & JACK BURNS • Directed by JAMES FRAWLEY & Music & Lyrics by PAUL WILLIAMS and KENNY ASCHER < Co-produced by DAVID LAZER Starring The Muppet Performers JIM HENSON • FRANK OZ • JERRY NELSON CATRON RICHARD HUNT- DAVE GOELZ Co-starring CHARLES DURNING and AUSTIN PENDLETON Special Guest Stars EDGAR BERGEN • MILTON BERLE • MEL BROOKS Guitarist and Flute Player JAMES COBURN • DOM DeLUISE • ELLIOTT GOULD • BOB HOPE MADELINE KAHN • CAROL KANE • CLORIS LEACHMAN • STEVE MARTIN RICHARD PRYOR -TELLY SAVALAS• ORSON WELLES • PAUL WILLIAMS Soundtrack available on Aliantic Records and Tape* Read The Bantam Muppet Movie Book Friday April 4 8:00 "xl:^* GCNERAl AUDIENCES ^rD Thursday April 3 7:30 & 10:00 Chandler Hall G/S Theatre Friday April 4 7:30 only Saturday April 5 2:00 only FREE SPRING FEVER!!! u April 19 8:00pm Wilson Had liROW* VASSAReimms Tickets go on sab Monday. April 7 0P6 Office *S.50 w/ID *6.S0 public I • 1 Vi • 1 ( '. fttt) »>' « • •>*-*»*«-*■>.-*&.*» »»<* v %.»**•*• i Classifieds FocSale FOR SALE: Loft...full sire. ..EXCELLENT con- dition-sturdy... easily assembled. Contact Carol 4862. TYPING: professional work, new IBM equipment. Thesis, resumes, manuscripts, term papers, etc. 433-8685 days. FOR SALE: 1976 Mustang II, Ghia, new motor, PS, PB, AC, 6 cyl., excellent condition. 867- 5375 after 5:00 p.m. COLLEGE TYPING AND EDITING SERVICES: Ex- pert typing and editing of theses, term papers and other reports. Paper provided. Free delivery and pick up. Twenty yean of experience Call 828- 3357. TYPING SERVICE: Over 10 yean experience; dteer- tations, theses, etc. 80 cents Sr page, you furnish paper. 11 Mrs Price, 879-9835. FOR SALE: Electronic Equipment Rack. Standard panel width, 66^" panel space. Bud Model RR-1264. Brand new—$55. Call 6625 (8- 5) and ask for Dave Trout. For Rent VENDETTA: Punk rock band for hire. Under $100. Call 433- 1445. ROOMS FOR RENT: 12 m month lease $60.00—120.00 per month. Utilities included. Call 234-8247 1 OR 1 BEDROOMS FOR RENT: preferrably to a male. Share whole house with two college students. 7 minutes walking distance from JMU. $105 a month plus utilities. Available immediately. Call 433-9765 weekdays from 3-8 pmrr Wanted CAMP FOR MENTALLY RETARDED CHILDREN NEEDS COUNSELORS, WSI, riding instructor. Sign up for interviews on Friday, April 11th, at Placement Office - or write Camp Shenandoah, Mountain Falls Route, Win- chester, Virginia 22601. MEN! WOMEN! JOBS ON SHIPS!: American. Foreign. I ♦ No experience required. Excellent pay. Worldwide tPwatpSummer job or career. Sena $3 fbr information. SEAFAX, Dept. K-2, Box 2049, Port Angeles. Washington 98362. LostT LOST: 1982 class ring, fake silver with jade stone. Lost in Library area Please call Bill or Rex. 433-8098. Reward will be paid. Personals OLD MAN: Didn't think this little girl could keep up with you, did you?! LITTLE GIRL VOTE GAIL LEROY FOR Yoko, SGA SECRETARY! Vote Gail Leroy for SGA Secretary! Vote Gail Leroy for SGA secretary! Vote Gail Leroy for happy deluxe persona SGA secretary! ATTENTION GREEKS! Greek Week 1980 will be April I love you 11-18. There will be lots of good times for everyone so get psyched! —John PLEASE SUPPORT Gail Leroy for SGA secretary. She's got the knowledge, experience and dependability to make the best SGA secretary ever. Vote Gail Leroy! ittttiit: t4 e:.tint(ti.i.,- . ,. , ,-><-, k %i tst .- . > i -. . < ( . . I . . ...;'. i' i ... : )>)>• MIIMll It) )•• i » ► ' , - TO THE SMILING JACKS Personals of Holly Court. Its been a pain in the +-$$!?& living STUDENT GOVERNMENT with you this year, (this is no ELECTIONS are today on the April fool's joke.) The other first floor of the Warren Smiling Jack. University Union!!!! WANT THE SGA TO WORK HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FOR YOU? Want a secretary SANDY: Lots of Love, Mom who knows what to do? Want and Dad. all these things and much more too? Vote GAIL LEROY SANDY: Just think you are for secretarv no longer a "teenybopper", but you're still a lot younger G IS FOR THE GIRL who'll than me. Russ. get the job done; A is for the attitude that makes it all fun; GUESS WHO: Why are you I is for the interest that's got so afraid of playing tennis to be there; L is for the with me? I won't cast a spell leadership that she will share; on you but I will win. I suppose Put them all together and you know that a WIZARD you've got GAIL—our next can't be beaten. I'm looking SGA secretary. J & K. forward to the formal. WIZARD: Thanks so much for WIZARD. all you did this weekend...I NATURAL FOODS COOKING have a great time. "The Fog" AND NUTRITION CLASS: did it to me Sat. night! Learn to shop for and prepare CHRIS SACHS, student activities coordinator, "...There'll always be sun- wholesome and inexpensive shine when I look at you; hired this Nazi party anti-campaign truck to direct and complete control over the students vegitarian dishes. Call protest today's SGA elections. "I want to have Something I can't explain, Waylisa^33-0657 (477 E. and the university all by myself," he said. just the things that you do..." Market St.) for more info. GUESS WHO $4.00 per class. $20 per course. DON'T BE A FOOL this April LOUIS AND DONNA- I Fool's Day. Vote Gail Leroy should write something ex- BAGLAND for the SGA! tremely libelous about you DON'T BE A FOOL! Deter- guys right now to get ya'H mine your future by voting in back for almost putting in that HOTWAX today's Student Government correction about me. I heard Elections!!! you two posed for the gay story? For more laughs, see NEW HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIDDO: Donna Sizemore and Louis from your Kelwee. Hope to be Eacho on back page. They're USED around for the rest. Love the ones in the closet. Always. STOLEN K.C.: Road trip to Fisher- DAVE "BAG, FAG" LPS sville; it will be a good time. Martin—That wasn't a nice Tractor fuel by the pool? name to call me sue months Happy 21—No Nuke the Whales! TRICIA FISCHETTI— marathon editor—aren't you GAIL LEROY: Your glad it's over? Move over secretary of the SGA. Vote for Breeze, Curio is coming! her and stay informal. NELSON FRANKS—I owe DEAR PUNKIN: Congrats you a big glaggle—no more on entering your third decade! posing for drunkie pictures, Those 1st two sure put your you spazface. I may just use ole Dad through the Wringer! them against you someday. 433-0090 Love, DAD. You never know about people, do you? Get your share of Duke! Sigma Phi Epsilon is selling $.50 portions of pedigree English Bulldog AM v Cuttoor I I t Buy a piece of JMlPs mascot! 1 nininimmnMtii II ■ ^UA___U _n_ 111111 Slander and libel 20/20 foresight: Duke speaks from above By DUKE THE WONDER DOG You just can't keep a good dog down—(at month's preview least that's what my mother used to tell dad)—so once again I've returned from doggie heaven to speak to my "people" and Around campu$ let them in on the scoops only I can see from this vantage point. ■ • This month, the Student Government Association will dump off First of all, I have to denounce that im the $150,000,000 it has left in its budget for this year. Key pur poster side-of-beef Duke III. His mother was €> ' chasesinclude a bowling alley for the unrecognized Bowling club, a poodle and his dad was a toy Datsun—not a real-live dolphin for the Porpoise club, the Brooklyn Bridge to even American—can you imagine? And that span Newman Lake, and half of the World Trade Center to serve mutt has the nerve to try and take MY as a dorm for the freshmen overflow next semester. place! Don't believe him, faithful alums; I The SGA deserves a round of applause. Only a wise fiscal policy hear he also has Greek heritage. And we all man for this job than you did in your own could lead to such a huge budget surplus at the end of a school know about Greek gifts, just ask any Trojan, presidential balloting. I'm all for Gregory year. It's a good thing they didn't waste any money on stupid (no, not the drug store kind.) Peck myself, I mean what's Ronald Reagan ventures like Chrysalis, The Breeze, or Black Emphasis Month. Now that's out ot the way, it's time to get got that ole Greg doesn't? Certainly not any One suggestion for the SGA though—if you do happen to run out down to business, and I mean doggie Oscars. I also thought about endorsing our of things you can buy before the end of April—why not throw business, right—the SGA. After that old founder and namesake Jimmy another successful dance—like the one at Christmas? horrible letdown last year, how could you do Madison—but he's not too interested in it to me again, alums? I mean don't y'all coming out of retirement. Too bad. •This month The Breeze will win first place in the Harrisonburg know how to pick a president? It doesn't Back to the business at foot. I want to tell Daily-News Record's contest for college newspapers. Managing matter if he's on the ballot, just organize a y'all that I really am envious—I mean, even editor Pat Burpy of the News-Record, along with the student body mass write-in petition for the best man for up here we don't get fed Alpo every night of JMU, base The Breeze's high ratings on its hard-hitting, in the job. And the obvious man for the job is like y'all do in D-hall! depth investigative reporting. Some of the more outstanding of Madisonman. Now that guy has real school But I guess even such a meaty diet can't these articles include: apple picking, the Susan B. Anthony spirit—JMU is in his heart. But y'all blew it. help the old JMU football team; all it does is dollar, U.S. flags on the bottom of suite chairs, the various Better luck next time. stay in their heads, I guess. The JMU aspects of Greek life, and the number one entry—Newman Lake Speaking of elections, my look-alike (you Dukes' (I still turn over in my grave when ducks. know, Uncle Ron), will announce his can- they invoke my name for those clods) motto "They're following after our tradition, and I think it's great," didacy for governor of Virginia soon. Seems this year should be: It's not important Burpy said. We agree. Keep up the good work, gang. his living quarters off Port Republic Road whether you win or lose if you're only in are getting a little cramped. I guess the Division II! •This month it's time for apathetic students to get in gear. With governor's mansion is a bit larger.... Uh oh. I feel my presence in this world all the crises on campus: higher tuitions, bad food at D-hall, Sorry, but I can't give you any advice on waivering. Could be a Duke III sabotage exams around the corner, a new SGA president, and overcrowded whether or not to vote for Uncle Ron, effort. I've got to cut my message short—so living conditions—one would expect to see some good old student though. It could be good for Virginia—we just a few last words to my alums at The reaction. Well, students will have a good chance in a couple of might even expand into Maryland, maybe Breeze, who are kind enough to give me a weeks, and they'd better not miss it. even inherit some of that state's surplus forum from which to speak: Remember, the That's right, Spring Fever weekend is soon here again, and the budget. term yellow journalism was only coined by golden opportunity to protest Madison-style presents itself: Mass While we're talking about big business— the man whose prize-winning cherry tree public orgy. Isn't that what we want here at JMU—the right to the presidential election isn't too far off— was peed on by some dog! (And let me tell drink in private, to drink in public, to drink until we can't drink and I hope y'all can do better in picking the you it was probably me.) See ya next year! anymore? Well here's our chance to show the administration we believe what we stand in, (or is that stand in what we believe for?), anyway, Protest, Madison! Go for the Gold!-(cause it's on sale at Werners). Dine-A-1 Around the nation «_ g «» « •This month we will see signs of encouraging economic growth \Hi & for the nation. Business will prosper with the help of federal subsidies, which are part of the president's wise new budget policy of massive government spending. The plan being, of. till «l|fflv!l course, to spend all the money in the federal coffers so we can 00 declare bankruptcy and start all over with a clean slate. CO „SS._g p e >^g If this fails, the nation may have to go with "Plan B"—get in- s volved in a war. And fortunately, this wouldn't be too hard to do 8 s>8 5 S5-o3 »$_*__... 15? 5J>g either. • The U.S, South Africa, and Taiwan will announce their plans for an Alternate Olympics this month in lieu of attending the official games in Moscow. The U.S. is boycotting the Moscow games, while the other two countries weren't invited anyway. No other H'lJililftfllitt r- "XZ wAsmpKt *e boycott. In all fairr?—, A-j# .c*aught, to halt any grain shipments to our allies that won't support us in this. j That would be the only sensible thing to do. it4 qra7lfPi|ii w5i!l_*|tf"a_f_r illflll-li _lS£ Around the world ■£■%%■ \U\ iw a-5 ^in^all-erlousness- the^^^^^ • The Ayatollah Khomeini will announce later this month his following people must UK* the blalm: Cindy Elmore was Olive To. Libel, I. plans for deindustrializing Iran. "It is in the spirit of our Islamic Amdis Gutting, and Ima White, Bobby revolution that we continue backwards," the aging and mentally Girerdi was Brand* Starr, Gopher T. deficient revolutionary leader leader said. Dirt and Moshv Begin; Jo* "Qe^Btbeze Schnackenburger was Eo| Regrub The U.S. should help in this effort—we could certainly spare a Nekcenhcs; Donna Sliemore was Hot few surplus bombs for a good cause like this. Lips Lucy, Suil* Surveyor, and Hataro Money. Kevin Millar was Dan Wrather and Gorgi Prestopopich; Louis Eacno •Italy will not have a change in government this month. was PR Spineless, and Trlcla Flschettl Head Theresa Beale was Dara Lict •Margaret Thatcher won't wear a hat. Head's slave Maureen Riley Dennis Smith was Scojopjejiilh -id himself. David Tool war^ntoiirin1" Crook Russell Fleetwood Teelski; Mark Sutton was Alice Cooper, •Even though Pierre is prime minister of Canada again, Feature editors Vance Richardson and Cindy Johnny Rotten, and himself, Alvln Margaret will still not return to him. Walker was Billbored and Prime Elmore Minister Botha. Martha Stevens was Libelous editor Kris Carlson Marty Steve's End; Bryan Powell was •Doonesbury joke preview: What's black and white and red all Debris editor Mark Sutton and Susan Terpay Johnny B. Good*, Mike Shutty was himself, and David Letson was Billy over? Rhodesia. Layout and design Dennis Smith Shears. JMU mascot editor Scott Worner Kris Carlson wrote 2010 foresight and Cheap shots Bill Tarangelo and Charles Fazio Duke speaks; Kevin Crowley was himself, Chris Kouba was Ronald Quote of the month Publisher No one will take the blame Caricature and Mlk* Skram; and Brian Advisers Does it look like we have any advice? Daley was A Mouse. Theresa Beale was l Luv •President Ronald Carrier will announce to the JMU student Lawyers Ralph Cohen and F. Lee Bailey Ron and Klsls Butt; Maureen Rlley was body on the week before graduation: "Due to inflation, the cost of Newsroom oooo Business 6596 El Ectron; Bill Tarangelo was Bill individual diplomas has gone up $190 each. Students must pay this .Elsewhere 6JW __. Bandolito; and Charles A. Fazio was nominal fee in the records office by April 30." ' __. Photo. : >• 7 .vmn*mmvmwmm**mr*mmwmmrr*****r*miimm Illiterate biters Supports Mark Sekim for SGA president To the editor: will later have to eat, MARK only argues within itself. With It is with great pleasure that remove the political wheeling candidate for SGA president, SEKIM has done no active a group of two or three and dealing from the SGA. I endorse the candidacy of campaigning, so I'd like to MARK SEKIM, as a write in friends, MARK SEKIM could With the aid of a strengthened on today's ballot. STUDENT'S MARK SEKIM for SGA take this opportunity to effectively implement his president. I've worked for campus police, he will have OF JMU UNITE. YOU HAVE outline some of his ideas. ideas without wasteful the power to make and en- years with MARK SEKIM in MARK SEKIM wants to NOTHING TO LOSE BUT bureaucratic resistance. force rules without consulting YOUR BRAINS. the Rockingham County make the SGA work for you One of those ideas is a one- anyone, eliminating the need Communist Party and I know instead of itself. He feels that MikeSkram day school week. Students to make deals with anyone. Chairman, Rockingham that he gets the job done no a smaller SGA of only two or could return home for the matter what it takes. Because This power will not be abused County Communist Party three members who work well other six days each week, thus because MARK SEKIM knows he doesn't like to make together could accomplish saving the university and the campaign promises that he what you want. I am confident more than a large body that country great amounts of that once he is in office, there energy. Classes would will not be a single student Volunteers literally run on the 24-hour who will have a bad thing to clock that day, and students say about MARK SEKIM's would be provided with coffee administration. minorities Rights for mice! and No-Doze paid for with And above all else, MARK To the editor: their student activity fees. All SEKIM won't become SGA Our government properly To the editor: can type, that doesn't make the dorms would be converted president without your help. In response to the article in understands your university's me be able to tell what is or to classrooms, and the His name won't appear on the failure to meet numerical the March 28 issue of The isn't poison. After all, lots of univeristy could increase its ballot, but it is perfectly Breeze concerning mice in objectives for enrollment of you college students can type, enrollment greatly. legitimate to write it in. minority students. Spotswood Hall, I would like to but you still eat at the dining MARK SEKIM wants to Support the Communist Party present our side of the issue. For this reason, we are hall, right? writing this letter as an ap- We mice feel that we have a A Mouse reasonable explanation for plication for the position of Having a good ole' time Minority Recruiter of James infesting the beat-up, run- Spotswood Hall down old dormitory instead of Some more letters Madison University. With a large surplus of staying out in the fields where To the editor: To the editor: you humans are used to seeing minority persons who are A letter If the draft goes through, we Homosexuality in the closet prepared for immediate us. won't need the rooms at at JMU? I thought it was The life of a field mouse is a To the editor: transfer to your university, Howard Johnson's anymore. transvestites who were into our government can assure hard one. We are constantly How come we had ravioli in Ronald Caricature the Dining Hall on Flounder's clothes. your compliance with SCHEV struggling to keep up an Ronald Caricature adequate food supply for our Day? and HEW guidelines. colony. We must always be on Ronald Caricature To the editor: JMU will never again have vigil against weasels, foxes, James Madison University to violate Title VI ofthe Civil is a part of Harrisonburg. Rights Act in the future. On dogs, cats, and other To the editor: this you have your word. predatory animals. And since A letter Harrisonburg is not a part of What's all this I hear about To the editor: James Madison University. Prime Minister Botha Dr. Ronald Carrier has begun making chairs out of fags in Union of South Africa expansion on JMU, we have Of course I think Greeks Don't forget it. Ikenberry ? I thought you just fought a losing battle to should be treated just like "TheTownies." said the fags were in the preserve our underground everyone else. I'm no racist. this letter was signed by 356 closet. burrows in the field across Ronald Caricature Harrisonburg residents Ronald Caricature Interestste 81. BSA letter I don't mean to sound like I'm begging for sympathy. To the Editor, I'm not. Up until now, we field We. the undersigned mice have accepted our lot in To the editor: members of the Bolshevik life without complaints. We Student Alliance(BSA) are have gotten along. enraged by the lack of But in recent months, things pupilkiders Russian events sponsered by have changed. Ever since the the University Program new athletic facility has been Board. All the other campus under construction, our minorities get UPB events. homes, our food supply, and bangaahion Blacks got the Harlem Globe several of our dear kin have Trotters, the Orientals got been plowed under on an "China Syndrome," the «Mf. almost daily basis. Obviously, Spaniards got "Casablanca" we have had to find a new cokespoon and the Greeks got "Animal home. House." What about us? We So one night about five get nothing. weeks ago, our entire mouse All they run is bourgeoisie, colony, about 370 of us, packed democratic movies like "Dr. all our worldly belongings, Zhivago." Heck! They don't and trekked to Spotswood even speak Russian in that Hall. We had considered movie! Hanson.Ha]I, *»*{ there are too We demand our rights! We many big mean animals in want a totally Russian dor- that dorm. Besides, we all like underwear visHe mitory in N-complex, a din- that funny blue smoke that besthi ning hall menu written in pervades the halls in Spot- Russian and Russian swood. It makes us feel good. iLedZephbucUe urinals!ones that flush over And now the humans in into neighboring urinals). riwood are up in arms We are ever so deeply t us living there. They chained waUett concerned with human rights- say we are filthy animals, and as we Russians so often are- a health hazard. I guess and feel ours are being they've never been in Giftord. hies violated. And we're not even filthy. We We hope the UPB will react take showers right alongside* like Russians always have and them every day. They iust support up with open paws, never look atthpir **»♦ '"bile -i\^~> uh, I mean hands. they're ^*Washing. Gorgi Prestopopich We really don't want much, (7025 signatures ac- just a warm place to sleep. companied this letter). fte've found plenty of grass and weeds to feed on, and NkmgbootM there's no end to the bugs around here we can eat. After tatteredcuft A letter all, cheese isn't the only thing To the editor: we mice consume. I thought that presidential So all we ask is that you ,'TH6 eoee primaries determined who humans stop putting out that From the Preppie Anti- had lasting support, not just poisoned food for us to eat. defaniation League momentums of glory. Just because I'm a mouse who. Ronald Caricature »■■■■»» ..— --—-.. r_.TTT__ 1 r—rTWintimi O^TT^^VC': : i;n rT(.>« i i rll r- -»V i vi'n > t 1 • • f Gay taskforce begins closet inspections <* A MULTITUDE OF perverts hide in an N- complex dorm before the task force in- tervenes. CLOSET DWELLERS often put up a fierce fight before succumbing to Security. Stability By HETERO HONEY Florida Citrus Growers and Safety forces. A task.force has been for- Association, ROTC, and med to search out and expose teams of Buiding and Grounds * the estimated 800 gay students housekeepers, exterminators, here, most of whom are still exterminated, the problem the weather." locksmiths and plumbers. should disappear," Carrier remains to be seen. believed to be hiding in According to Carrier, a Carrier is considering "Anybody can look in a closets. said."We'd really like to nip calling in outside help to widespread rumor is cir- this thing in the bud before damn closet," Carrier said. "Straightening out this culating that the Freak conduct the mass search, "But, sometimes it takes real campus is my top priority for they have chance to including Anita Bryant, and system on campus is really no multiply." talent to know what is really the coming academic year," more than a mass gay an elite brigade of Argentine lurking in there." said James Madison Carrier is particularly Nazis. organization. concerned over the thought Students are being issued a University President Why else would members of "I wanna straighten this warning by Carrier. He has "Ronnie" Carrier in a Breeie that members of the faculty thing out before it gets out of the same sex wanna spend so could be gay. ordered them to "go straight interview last week. much time together?" he hand," Carrier whined. "I got before it's too late," and had Carrier's concern was "Some of my colleagues my eyes on the White House." asked. "I've heard some very have looked at me kinda the slogan scribbled on all the aroused by an article about an strange noises while walking Whether the task force will bathroom walls and on d-hall underground gay group which starry-eyed on occasion," he truly be effective in com- by Freak Row late at night." said. "Hell it's probably just trays. "I just hope they get the appeared in the Breeie If indeed the rumor is true, batting the closet dwellers message," he concluded. several weeks ago. the Freak system is going to "I really thought I was freak out, according to running a clean operation Carrier. here," Carrier said. "Gosh, Members of the Interfools we're gonna build a chapel Council and the Panhellacious and everything. How can we were contacted for their allow such behavior to con- reactions to the rumor. tinue right here under our "We're just having a good noses?" he asked, in- time," said Freddie credulous. Fraternity of Kappa Sick. The task force began the "When we start playing pass ^'^•t searches sr-^time oui, Jiere is just no telling •lammt- early Saturday. By midday, what we might do. But if we do there were reports of some 43 engage in gay activity, it's closet dwellers exposed, and just for the sake of ad- 23 taken into custody. N- venture." complex accounted for most Peter Preppie, a member of of the arrests Teta Gay also commented on the rumor. "Ronnie is just The closet searches are jealous cause we got the expected to continue chicks and he don't," Freddie throughout the week. commented. "We encourage Beginning Wednesday ex brotherhood and go by the Krienced professionals will motto, 'if it feels good, doit.'" Id sessions to rehabilitate Sallie Sorority, member of the offenders in order that Silly Silly Silly, expressed they return to society. We concern over the mass closet don't wish to harm any of search. "If they start rum- them, one official said. maging through my closet, "If they're in there we're they're gonna wrinkle my gonna find 'em," Carrier said. alligator shirts and my "Closets are for brooms, khakis," she said, pulling up clothes and drugs, not her sagging gator socks. people—if you want to call According to Sallie, she and them that. It's just not normal her sisters are going to pay to hang out in dark, musty Ronnie a persuasive visit. closets." "All the sisters just bought The task force consists of monogram bikinis," she said. troops from Security, Sin- "We'll show him who's gay cerity and Safety as well as and who's not." volunteers from the Young "If we can just locate the CREATURES FROM THE dark shudder at camera light, while being led away by ROTC Americans against Fags, the gay leadership and have it cadets.