Issue 3, Winter 2008 BucksEnsō County Journal BucksCountyAikido.com 802 New Galena Rd., Doylestown PA 18901 (215) 249-8462

weakness and weight. I helped get her comfortable adjusting pillows, bed, sheets. Then I rearranged fur- niture trying to keep her from fall- ing out of bed. I listened for her re- quests for help, then I just listened to her breathing. Was it strained or pained? Did she need more pain medication? Finally I just listened for her breath. Did it stop?... No, there it is.

Hospice has a booklet that describes the final stages of death (life?). Signs to watch for in the months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and moments before death. Could it re- ally be so universal? We watched diligently and noted these changes. cid and asked if I would sleep with We wondered, was it days, hours or Being Martial her. She was in a failing marriage minutes? Finally, we just waited. by Patti Meisenbach-Lyons and had she not been terminal, they Could this be martial, holding my would have divorced. Impending dying sister’s hand? To me, being martial is seeing what death does not fix a bad relationship. needs to be done and taking action. I saw in that moment what was be- I see now that we shared the mar- This sounds easier than it is because ing asked of me and I was there tial spirit. She, facing her death the sort of seeing I’m talking about without hesitation. The days that with fierce courage and grace. Me, comes from a place of clarity, not followed were long and difficult. At bravely walking with her as far as I clouded by ego, personality, preju- first there were visits from friends, could go. Oh, what a gift she gave dices, etc. It is not what I think but soon it was only hospice and me, to put my years of practice to needs to be done, but what needs to priests who came. I helped to bathe use. be done. One does not have to train her, brush her teeth, give her pain in to be martial, but medication, massage her arm swol- In Buddhism, the Eight-fold training does give us opportunities len from lymph edema. Path speaks of Right View, Right to see openings and ways of taking Thought, Right Speech, Right Ac- action. As difficult as the days were, the tion, Right Livelihood, Right Ef- nights were even harder, longer. fort, Right Mindfulness and Right This past year I helped take care of She was restless at night. There Concentration. To me, ‘right’ is not my sister during her final days of a were trips to the bathroom, then the some specific set forth by someone battle with breast cancer. When I portable commode. We fell the first else, but rather our own knowing of arrived, she was still somewhat lu- night. I was caught off by her what is right through clarity. Clarity Continued on page 2 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008 1 that comes from practicing, through training, through sitting.

When someone asks if I have ever had to use my martial skills, they are looking for stories of fighting off parking lot attackers or city street muggers. Movie scenes, I think, not the mundane reality of having trained oneself daily for years to develop awareness, patience, com- passion and the ability to see what needs to be done and do it.

Surrendering by George Lyons It has been a year of grief for Patti and me. In January, Patti’s sister resolution. With our culture’s inter- frontation is a chance to see if we Barbie died from breast cancer at est in martial arts as a form of enter- can drop our small self to encom- the young age of forty seven. Then tainment, its meaning has been over pass a larger view. The desire to pre- our cat, Hissy Fit, was run over by simplified. Imagining only its brut- serve the self is surrendered so that a car. Finally one summer night as I ishness, this group naturally met we can be unconditionally present. put out the trash, our wonderful dog me with suspicion. While I couldn’t Without an agenda, we allow every Daisy was killed by a hit and run deny this aspect of the martial arts, opening and in this alert state there driver. They were all so young and we had to get past the idea of it sim- is ironically no opening. it seemed out of order. This couldn’t ply being a strategy for pummeling have been their time. The reality of the other guy. As we talked, I could In a practical martial sense, meeting it was hard to take but there was see their interest in how Aikido each moment without our thoughts nothing to be done but surrender to techniques blend with the intentions as intermediary, we are faster, more the truth of it. of the attacker. The ideal of no one adaptive, open to the unexpected. getting hurt was well received but To find this though, we have to face I didn’t like Zazen when Chiba ultimately we had to get past this our existential fear. We have to sur- Sensei first introduced it to me. At too. It’s not that these elements are render self. twenty five, I had no love for sitting not a part of Aikido, but there is so and doing nothing. I trusted him, much more if we are willing to dig Sometimes preparing to sit Zazen, but I also wanted to see for myself deeper. to die on my cushion, I remember how this motionless sitting could a poem for the deceased that speaks have anything to do with what I Without an agenda, we al- from the point of view of the per- considered a dynamic martial art. low every opening and in this son who has passed saying, “Tasks The advice to sit and “die on your alert state there is ironically I have left undone must stay that cushion” sounded like surrendering no opening. way”. It’s hard to let go of the ac- and contrary to the idea of defend- tivities of life, to drop our self im- ing yourself that the martial arts It’s true to say that in Aikido and portance and self involvement... seem to espouse. Zazen we are studying how to fully to stop worrying about preserving present ourselves. It’s also true to ourselves. Our practice gives us a I recently gave a talk and demon- say that in these practices we work chance, but sticking with it is not stration to a group studying conflict to fully surrender ourselves. A con- easy. We get little support from a

2 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008 society that misunderstands martial training, thinking it at best a dis- Ten Thousand cipline for children and at worst a forum for our animalistic nature... Things Within sitting Zazen, doing nothing, unpro- by Ben Bowles ductive. condition vb 3 a: to put into a prop- It’s natural to have doubt and dis- er state for work or use 5 a: to adapt, miss what’s not immediately evi- modify, or mold so as to conform to dent. Even when we have faith we an environing culture b: to modify get discouraged and wonder if we so that an act or response previ- will ever be able to lift the veil that ously associated with one stimulus obscures our view. But I believe, in becomes associated with another quiet moments, at our still point, we all intuitively know that when we there was no need to look back finally drop what we are trying so after that day when your every cell hard to protect we will not only be was depleted relieved, we will have resources be- when the gap between the echoes of yond our imagination. In this there your parched heart increased is no time to waste. and you swore you would not get Accepting vulnerability up again

Allowing every opening how was it that you drew the bow metaphysical way, i.e., psychologi- cally, mentally, spiritually, etc., then Sitting like a mountain acquired your target it could stem from our physical be- Training at the center of the took aim ing. In aikido, one of our objectives is to bridge the physical with the universe and fired the truest arrow of your immaterial and realize the interde- life? Without a cloud in sight pendence of all of our facets, inter- Often when thinking of condition- nal and external. To hone the mind ing, the first thing that comes to correlates with a change in phy- Two-Month mind is the process of refining the sique, even if it is a slight change in Introductory Course body and the modern standard of how one walks or uses a certain part athletic training – repetitions of of their body; when body or mind Begins January 13 muscle movements, weight training, changes the other is right there with treadmills with O2 monitors, adher- it. Aikidoists use conditioning as a Classes meet twice a week, ing to a specific diet, monitoring means to study this dynamic, but Tuesdays and Thursdays, 6-7 PM. variables for development. Though it should be completely clear what The cost of the course is $150 and these exclusively physical meth- conditioning is and is not. Merriam- includes one uniform (do-gi). ods are practiced the world over, Webster’s defines condition as, “to they reflect a limited perception of modify so that an act of response Classes are open to teens and what conditioning is about. Gener- previously associated with one adults. No prior experience is ally speaking, we limit our sense stimulus becomes associated with necessary. of health to the physical realm, as- another.” Conditioning does not suming that if our bodies are in mean progress but preparation, re- proper working order and aestheti- fining our connectedness in order to For more information, visit cally pleasing, then we are healthy. react according to our environment. www.buckscountyaikido.com At the least, we do not think that This study of action-reaction is very or call (215) 249-8462. if something is wrong with us in a martial, yet the patience and dili-

Continued on page 4 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008 3 gence it requires would characterize patterns, concentration, memory, obstacle that arises in our lives. I a peaceful mind, perhaps one that is and faith are all subject to an inter- find that to prevent practice from not overpowered with fierceness. nal conditioning that corresponds becoming obsessive, it is important Our training allows us to examine to what we do physically. Though to condition the mind. both sides of the physical-spiritual spiritual training is not the science sword along with the many virtues of athletic development, the tools A Zen buddhist monk who lived in and vices, advancements and im- of understanding physical training New York City once commented, pediments that we encounter along allow us to make useful analogies “Imagine if we could train ourselves the way. to the spiritual. For instance, in the to come back to our breath every spiritual realm, as in the physical, it time we saw a pigeon.” For local Although aikido is a spiritual art, it is possible to reach a plateau. Any- practitioners, this was a meaningful is not necessarily safe to assume time we feel a lack of change in our notion relating the countless pigeons that spiritual development takes lives it is a reflection of a plateau. of the city to the individual’s prac- precedence over physical develop- The usual emotional response is tice of mindfulness. The corollary ment. The long-established equiva- boredom and a sense of futility. I for aikidoists is the sense of muscu- lence between body and mind is have wondered many times what lar extension that characterizes our more of a subject for study than the is the point of such arduous train- ideal of movement. Though it is a debate between which is greater – ing when I do not perceive personal physical quality we are looking for, the physical or the spiritual – and change or progress. I become with- we cannot find it without our mind’s aikido calls us to closely examine drawn, even depressed at my status. recognition of the proper feeling. the relationship between these two. I fail to feel connected to training Our sense of discernment is perhaps Body and mind cannot be developed partners and perceive the teachings what is conditioned most of all in without each other and both act like from behind an emotional veil. The training. We are constantly noticing two mirrors positioned opposite one aikido world shrinks to what I am differences through our eyes, hands, another, each continually reflecting doing within myself and loses the feet, essentially our whole bodies. the other. It is tricky to determine expansiveness of the whole uni- When the mind enters the picture as which comes first in the matter – verse from which it is born. Yet in an intellectual tool, it is very useful the spiritual or the physical. Does hindsight, it was during those same in the process of accepting duality. the body reflect the spirit, or vice moments that something internal Oftentimes, we establish ourselves versa? To say that one is more im- was breaking down that allowed in a fixed position or opinion with portant than the other is to establish me to express something deeper. disregard for the opposing view. The a kind of hierarchy. Yet in a spiritual Somehow we generate the strength aikidoist should be able to clearly way, there is no comparing, no bet- we need but thought we were not see both sides of a two-sided argu- ter or worse, no more important or able to muster. This kind of break- ment before choosing a side if nec- less important. The spiritual and the through is like a lotus in the mud, essary. It is like adopting a god’s- physical coexist like a matched pair requiring a dirty, challenging envi- eye view of a conflict between two and if we are following O’Sensei’s ronment in which to bloom. I don’t people – yourself and your attacker. suggestions for training, then we think that it is the breakthrough that Personally, I have found this ability are looking at both. evidences the spirit as much as per- to be a blessing and a curse. To its severing through the mire of train- merit, I am able to sympathize with Body and mind cannot be ing. To me, though, perseverance a lot of different perspectives, even developed without each other is an important aspect of spiritual ones that conflict with one another. and both act like two mir- practice, one of the three pillars of The problem arises when it comes rors positioned opposite one buddhism – faith, doubt, and perse- time to choose my own perspective. another, each continually verance. Conditioning is overcom- “Wait a minute,” I tell myself, “both reflecting the other. ing the barriers that prevent us from sides make sense here, so where practicing freely and continuing to do I stand?” Like some strange Once the door is open to the world train despite the resistance we gen- self-negator, I conceive of sensible of the spiritual, the opportunities for erate. But there is a danger in resort- counter-arguments to my own point conditioning are limitless. Thought ing to training with every personal of view, sometimes leaving myself

4 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008 dumbstruck as to where I themselves. Which do stand, what I believe. The you think would be an en- awareness-training in aiki- vironment that was more do led me to examine why likely to induce a transfor- I often found myself in mation – one in which ev- this position, and I gradu- eryone hinted at or even ally came to find my own told you what to be and convictions in situations how to conduct yourself, where previously I would or one in which every- not have. Moreover, when one around you set an ex- I am confronted with a ample? Personally, I take dualistic argument, I look Gandhi’s advice to heart, for the transcendent reso- “Be the change you wish lution. More often than to see in the world.” I feel not, there is a third side that if everybody was the to a right-wrong, black change they wanted to see and white argument and I find it is hours on the mat. Like visiting a re- in the world and in others, eventu- one of the most difficult perspec- vered holy site from the past, it con- ally others would make a choice for tives to find. Ironically, when I have veys a character which reflects its themselves to change or not. The encountered it, I am stunned by its constituents, our good-heartedness, logic of the situation hinged on the simplicity. Like regular training, I and, at times, our darkness. If we individual absorbing the qualities condition myself to look beyond condition in our environment prop- that surrounded them. The process the two sides presented and find the erly, I see the dojo as a microcosm of immersing oneself in the training uniting principle behind them. for our interactions with the world at environment seems like a version large. Here we practice compassion of osmosis to the western outsider, Thus, in addition to cultivating one’s toward fellow students in prepara- but immersion is full of conscious ki, physical prowess, and qualities tion for meeting our fellow citizens and subconscious study, learning of mind, it is also the training envi- of the world. The question is, how on levels that transcend intermittent ronment that has to be conditioned. do we condition ourselves to help training and connect us with some- When the community as a whole others? What does compassion look thing very deep within ourselves. responds, or doesn’t respond, to an like? I think it is one thing to do event, it reflects the collective con- things for other people, a common Through aikido, I discovered some- ditioning of the dojo. Certain aspects modality for expressing a desire to thing within me that is indestruc- of aikido tradition are critical - the help someone. But sometimes the tible. In a way, I think of the pos- degree to which students respect the better thing to do in order to help sibility of someone attacking me as dojo, dedication to regular training – someone is to present them with an a non-threat because a part of me but more importantly, the degree to opportunity, something by which cannot be destroyed, regardless of which students support one another, they can understand how to help the outcome. Even under the worst the sincerity of their interactions, themselves. Whether they take what imaginable circumstance, am I truly and using the dojo as a place to is presented or not is their decision. in danger? Instead of fearing physi- practice compassion are aspects of To me this is a manifestation of the cal harm, what concerns me are the communal conditioning that influ- uke-nage relationship. An uke who internal mechanisms of my mind. In ence the spirituality of the environ- is willing to relinquish their balance terms of self-awareness, if I were to ment. Many times when I have en- presents the nage with the opportu- be cocky and arrogant about being tered our dojo alone, I can feel the nity to fully express the technique, unbeatable, I would underestimate sanctity of the space. Like waves in the chance for the nage to learn. On those around me, attackers and a pool minutes after you get out of the other hand, if the nage takes non-attackers. I would be placing the water, the empty dojo emanates their partner’s center, it is an op- myself above others, detaching my- the ki of our social interactions as portunity for the uke to learn how to self from the global community and much as our individual spirits and move with the technique and save removing my compassion. As aiki-

Continued on page 6 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008 5 doists, we should always be aware lazy, angry, anxious, fearful ­­– did I of when we separate ourselves from Where Are All mention selfish? By paying atten- others. We are at a great risk of los- tion I realize what’s good about me ing our humanity when we do that. The Warriors? as well as what needs improvement. And still, sometimes I perceive ai- It’s hard – sometimes I drag myself kidoists as a kind of super-race con- kicking and screaming to the mat. ditioning themselves far beyond the As an aikido student I’m a complete reaches of average people: we are beginner, out-performed by stron- in excellent shape, we are commit- ger students. Hey – I’m a skinny ted to a universal truth, we strive to Kraut, barely 145 lbs., but I assure be virtuous, and so doesn’t the rest you that inside me beats the heart of of the world have some catching up a Warrior. I started sitting zazen de- to do? As I see it, if anything were cades ago and have come to realize different about the rest of the world, that by paying attention and facing I would not have this very moment myself, I’m slowly growing, slowly that I am given right now. I would improving, slowly maturing. Did I not have had the opportunities that mention I’m slow? were presented to me. What I have in this moment is as good as it gets In focused zazen we face ourselves- in this moment, but that doesn’t ap- lose ourselves and become one with ply to just my circumstances but the the world. Peace of mind takes con- universe as a whole. On Saturdays I see them – a room centrated effort. Facing yourself is full of warriors in the dojo, swing- the toughest part of training with Physically, our training should be ing sticks- throwing bodies. Strong the biggest reward. Lose yourself challenging, but it should not feel faces determined to train, deter- and gain the universe. Lose your thankless. If we condition ourselves mined to gain skill and strength. fears and gain a calm and peaceful to be sincere, our gratitude for the mind. It is difficult to train consis- opportunity to practice will grow. Yet in the early morning hours in tently, but that’s ok. With me it’s The list of things to condition in ai- the zendo, there are few to be seen. always been two steps forward, one kido training is nearly infinite. This Only a handful of students make step back. It’s a process. is triumphant in that our spirit al- the effort. Where are the warriors? ways has opportunities for growth. To sit zazen and to face yourself is We fall – we brush ourselves off- The bittersweet part is that as we are the hardest part of training. To face climb back onto the cushion. Lots continually training ourselves and yourself fully and honestly is the of work still to be done! Lots of polishing our ten thousand aspects, hardest part of life. room for improvement! we also have to condition ourselves to let go. If we relinquish our ideas Speaking for myself – I often avoid Calling all Warriors! Show your of progress, the goals we hope to myself, often avoid facing myself Face! accomplish, and our conceptions on the mat. There are many things Show your True Self! of what aikido is about, we clear about myself that I don’t like, that our minds and we allow our spirits I do not want to deal with. Often the zendo is open… the expressive power they long for. lazy and too often selfish. I would Gassho, Though nothing may seem more rather sleep than get up early to go Roman difficult than the physical demands to the zendo. I’d rather distract my- of aikido, letting go of all the things self from the realization that I have I have come to know and love may so much work to do. When I sit in be the greatest challenge of my zazen without distractions I have to life. come to grips with the truths of my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. We are all like that. I can be nasty,

6 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008 onstrated. I was also intrigued by How Do You the teaching style that was offered Searching Know? by Sensei – focusing on the obser- by Paul Fricker by Brian Stoudt vance of the technique, the silent instruction which encouraged the One of the things I have found to “What brought you here to train?” matching and blending of the move- be so unique about aikido, and per- This is a question heard occasion- ment, as well as subtle suggestions haps one of the reasons I enjoy it ally here at the dojo usually di- offered by senior members. Instant- so much, is the way in which it is rected toward beginning students ly, I knew that this dojo was for me. taught. The notion that the burden but occasionally senior members as of learning is on the student to steal well. The usual answer consists of, When beginning my search for a from the teacher, rather than the “I came across the website,” or “I dojo, I read an article that stated, teacher giving his knowledge to the have wanted to take up martial arts “You needed to understand the ba- student, allows for self discovery for years and a friend recommended sic features of a given style before of the art. I think it is this process this dojo.” It wasn’t until the basics choosing where to take class.” I of self discovery that allows us to class party last August that I heard a now know that while it is impor- make the art our own. very unique answer: “I didn’t want tant to understand the basics before to go to a McDojo.” choosing a style, it is equally if not When I studied Tang Soo Do, I was more important to realize that in taught very specifically how each At first I had to take a moment and many ways that style chooses us. technique should be done, what think about what that meant. As I This may sound overly philosophi- the correct hand position was at thought about it, I realized that this cal and a bit mystical; however, after any given moment, the exact posi- creative expression referred to the hearing many of the stories of how tion my feet should be in etc, etc. “fast food way” of teaching martial fellow students have come across After only a few years of study, it arts. These “McDojos” take in as Sensei, Patti and Bucks County Ai- seemed to me that the only things many students as possible, training kido, I believe this now more than left to learn were new techniques them in a cookie-cutter-type system ever and count myself as one of and new forms. While this certain- – teaching stances, blocks, punches, the lucky ones that “found” Bucks ly kept me busy, I never paid much and assorted kicks – and systemati- County Aikido. attention to the basic techniques I cally go through a certain set of de- had learned, except to make sure I fined skills to achieve was still doing them the way I had the next “belt.” been taught. I think that is why I eventually stopped studying. I had That expression has become bored with the art because definitely stuck with I had not learned anything new in me. Ever since, I quite some time. I wasn’t actually can’t help but com- studying anymore; I was just re- pare this cookie- hearsing the forms and techniques cutter method of I already knew. Perhaps there was teaching to my ex- more to that art that I simply didn’t periences at Bucks see because I was so young at the County Aikido. time. But at the time I stopped prac- The moment that I ticing Tang Soo Do, no one had cor- sat and observed a rected me on any of the most basic class of aikido at punches or kicks in several years, or BCA, I was struck in any way let me know that there by the balance be- was more to them than I realized at tween intensity and the time. So unlike aikido where suppleness that se- after more than three years of inten- nior members dem- sive study, I still know that there are

Continued on page 8 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008 7 many levels of even the most basic definitive conclusions this way I can sometimes see others going techniques I have yet to unravel. since every encounter is different through this process as well, and and every connection with anoth- I often struggle with how much I When watching a demonstration er person unique. The important should tell them. My instinct is to during class, I try to find that next thing is to continue searching, to tell them what they’re not doing or piece I’m missing, figure out what fully experience this encounter now. how to improve their technique be- sensei is doing that I am not or how For me the greatest joy on the mat cause I want to see them improve he is doing it differently than I am. comes from discovering something and find the answers to what they It is easy to fall into complacency new in a technique, finding a new are struggling with. At the same and think “OK, we’re doing san- aspect of it I didn’t realize was there time though, I fear that by doing kyo now”, but it is something I try before, or helping someone else do so I will take something away from to fight against and always watch the same. them. If I tell them too much, I closely, always be searching for the deny them the chance to discover aspects of the technique I haven’t This is what makes aikido so it for themselves and it will just seen before. I try to do the same unique and so beautiful, that become a thing; something they when working with a partner on the we are always searching. do because they were told rather mat. I try to feel what is happening than an organic aspect of their own between me and my partner. Am I I have found that my progress in ai- technique. There are times though, connecting to their center? Are they kido is very circular in nature. I go when it just kills me to watch some- denying me their center or am I not through the same cycle again and one struggling with something. I finding it? Is it more effective if I again as I progress. I’ll begin to see can see their frustration and want do it this way or that way? How are some things that I was unaware of to help but know that this is prob- they doing the technique differently before, and as I do it will become ably something they need to find for than me? Am I giving good ukemi, very clear to me how much my own themselves. I realize that sometimes or just receiving the technique ac- technique is lacking. This can be you do have to help people along cording to my own preconceptions? a very frustrating time in the cycle and there are times when it is ap- It can be very hard to come to any because I know that I’m missing propriate to correct something they something, but can’t figure out what are doing, but not always. Knowing it is; or I’ll realize that my sempai when to help, and when not to, is are trying to show me something the challenge. Like so many other that I’m just not seeing. Gradually questions in aikido, there probably though I become able to see these is no definitive answer. We just new aspects more clearly and start need to hold the question in our gut, to incorporate them into my own like a koan, and keep searching. technique. After some time it will simply become part of my technique This is what makes aikido so unique and no longer require so much effort and so beautiful, that we are always or concentration to apply. At this searching. The student is not told point it becomes very easy to be- explicitly how to do the technique. come complacent or feel as though It is simply presented to them. It is ‘I’ve got this down.’ Experience up to the student to take the learn- however has taught me that this ing for themselves; if they are not feeling just means I’m not search- actively searching, it will elude ing hard enough because there are them. Because of this, every per- always more aspects that I have yet son’s aikido is as distinctive as they to see. Sure enough eventually I’ll are. There are infinite possibilities start to see or feel something that I in aikido and within this every prac- was unaware of before. Then the titioner finds their own path and whole process starts all over again. their own style.

8 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008 Wake Up by Helen Tai

It’s so hard to stay awake. What does it mean to be awake? Is it aware- ness of what’s going on around us? Is it accepting things as they are? Is it simply not dreaming, but being fully present? How does one stay awake when the urge to sleep (or at least nap) is so strong?

As practitioners of aikido, we are constantly honing our awareness, trying to sharpen our skills, and awaken ourselves. Our training is full of opportunities to increase our awareness, by stealing from sensei and by interactions with our prac- tice partners. I know of many things that I’d like to do better. But even with conscious intent, sometimes the simplest change, like remember- At times, our fellow aikidoka can be up and figure out how to behave dif- ing not to duck, can escape me. Or extremely exasperating, so how do ferently. maybe I actually succeed in chang- we stay awake and not just tune out? ing, but then my mind wanders to How do we resist the urge to blame Since one of the main rea- something else I’m doing wrong, our partner and just pray for sensei sons I practice aikido is to and pretty soon I’m ducking again. to clap? To be sure, sometimes my improve myself, finding fault partner could do better, and some- in others when something As if the struggle to change our- times I am in a position to help him goes wrong doesn’t make selves isn’t hard enough, don’t we or her improve. But isn’t it also pos- sense, nor does it make me all sometimes feel that our practice sible that my partner is just reacting any better. partners are thwarting our learning? to something I’m doing? Maybe E.g., If this guy weren’t so $&%* I’m being stiff or maybe I’m yank- Whatever the case, how I respond is stiff, I could execute the technique ing on my uke or maybe I’m being my choice – I can prefer to believe perfectly. How am I supposed to ornery (no, not me!), and he’s sim- that there’s nothing I can do, or I can learn if my uke falls before I’ve even ply trying to deal with it. awaken to the gift in it. What could done the technique? Why can’t this I do differently that would result know-it-all give me a chance to try Or perhaps he really is just clumsy in a better outcome? Blaming my it before correcting me? Why does & unaware, and we feel vindicated partner is easy, but it doesn’t cause he me as if I’m the Incredible when others complain about the me to take a hard look at myself or Hulk? Can’t he see that I’m half his same problem. After all, if Joe Ai- force me to consider how I could size? Oh my god, I can’t believe he kido consistently smacks everyone change. Since one of the main rea- hit me on the head with his bokken else’s fingers with the jyo, then it sons I practice aikido is to improve again! can’t be my fault! myself, finding fault in others when something goes wrong doesn’t How can anyone not be justified in Maybe so. make sense, nor does it make me being annoyed? How are we sup- any better. posed to learn in these conditions? Or…maybe one of us needs to wake Continued on page 10 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008 9 Just as with aikido, the rest of our tantly, it didn’t change the fact that of the boiling water, and if I hadn’t lives are also filled with challenges I was out of a job. It really brought been laid off, it’s conceivable that – blabber mouths, drivers who cut home the point that it’s futile to fight I could’ve spent several more un- you off, liars, cheaters, incompetent against what already is. happy years biding my time. When bosses, dim-witted coworkers, Re- I looked at it from this perspective, publicans… It’s so easy to be su- So then I started to think about how I realized what a tremendous gift I perior and think how stupid they all I hadn’t been happy in my job for had been given – a chance to make are and how much better the world the last two years. I had made genu- a fresh start. I was fortunate to have would be if they would just get a ine efforts to make it work; I sought a wake-up call forced upon me. clue. opportunities to make changes, but none of it really changed anything. Sensei always tells us to look for I was recently laid off from my job. Overall though, I was pretty com- the gift in an injury. This may seem Although I wasn’t devastated, I was fortable – I made a decent salary, like an oxymoron – what good can worried about how I was going to I was good at my work, I enjoyed come out of an injury? It depends pay my bills, I was angry that my most of my coworkers, my commute on how you look at it. hard work was not better appreci- was reasonable, and I didn’t have to ated, and I felt sad about having to travel that much. In essence, I was Losing a job is not good or bad. leave behind my valued colleagues. in a malaise – my job had its share Having a rough nage, a clumsy uke, I fantasized about what life would of issues, but I had grown comfort- or an unaware practice partner is be like if I were in charge or how able with the pain that I knew. not good or bad. things would be different if we had It just is. never merged with that other com- An old proverb says that if a frog pany. I blamed my CEO for mis- is thrown in boiling water, it will Wake up or stay asleep – it’s your managing the business and I blamed jump out. But if it is placed in cold choice. George Bush for his disastrous poli- water that is slowly heated, it does cies. But daydreaming didn’t make not jump out and slowly boils to me feel better, and more impor- death. I was too sleepy to jump out

Spring 2009 Schedule, beginning January 13 (Interim Schedule: Mon/Wed/Fri 7-8 PM, Sat 9-10 AM. All classes open to everyone.) Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday 6:30 - 7:30 am 6:30 - 7:30 am 9 - 10 am 8 - 9 am Zazen Zazen Mixed Zazen

12:15 - 1 pm 12:15 - 1 pm 10 - 11 am 9:15 - 11 am Mixed Mixed Beginner’s Free Practice Weapons/Iaido

6 - 6:55 pm 6 - 6:55 pm 6 - 6:45 pm 6 - 6:55 pm 6- 6:45 pm Mixed Intro Class Mixed Intro Class Mixed

6:50 - 7:10 pm 6:50 - 7:10 pm Zazen Zazen 7:05 - 8 pm 7:05 - 8 pm 7:15 - 8 pm 7:05 - 8 pm 7:15 - 8 pm Mixed Intermediate Advanced* Iaido Mixed

(*3rd kyu and up, by permission only)

10 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Winter 2008