WINTER 2020 VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 CONNECTIONS A COASTAL VIRGINIA UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTS QUARTERLY
IN THIS ISSUE
MEET THE NEW CVUU BOARD MEMBERS
INTRODUCTION TO OUR BUDDHIST AFFINITY GROUP
DEAREST BODY … A HOME- WORK ASSIGNMENT
POETRY BY OUR UUs
CVUU honored for protecting waterway Our congregation has accomplished a mighty feat this year, making stellar pro- gress in restoring the Elizabeth River which surrounds our church home.
That progress will be officially recog- nized at the Elizabeth River Project’s virtual awards ceremony Jan. 21, where CVUU will be awarded a Two-star Achievement Level status as a River Star Business.
According to Pam Boatwright, River Star Business Programs Manager, Two-star Achievement Level recognition is at- tained when a River Star documents sig- nificant results in both pollution preven- tion and wildlife habitat enhancement. Efforts must be clearly quantified and Image credit/Barbara Zimmer achieved with meaningful employee in- volvement and be significant relative to Our Grounds Team planted native wildflowers, woody plants, wax myrtle shrubs and the size and nature of the organization. switchgrass to stabilize the dumpster bank at CVUU—part of our riparian buffer.
“You can be very proud of this signifi- cant recognition,” she said. duced sediment pollution into the river tal quality” by making good on seven by 109,220 lbs., nitrogen by 78.3 lbs., and promises outlined by the non-profit, in- There are more than 5,000 businesses phosphorous by 24.4 lbs.! These mean- cluding not feeding geese and “only rain and homes taking part in similar restora- ingful results were achieved through in the storm drain.” tion efforts through the River Star pro- both homeowner and business best- gram. And the group conservation effort This achievement would not have been management projects like rain barrels is seeing results. The Elizabeth River, possible without the support of our and living shorelines, according to their once known as one of the most polluted members and the heavy lifting of three website. rivers on the Chesapeake Bay, is making CVUU committees - Environmental Initia- a miraculous recovery. Ecologists have CVUU, like the other River Star partners, tive, Grounds, and Landscape. They co- seen the return of sea horses and river pledged to “restore the Elizabeth River to ordinated their efforts with our CVUU otters. And, in 2019, the program re- the highest practical level of environmen- Board and worked tirelessly, throughout Cont. page 2
CONNECTIONS CONNECTIONS
Cont. from page 1 ing through the summer to meet the the building-shutdown months since grant deadline. Luckily, we were given a March. So many people answered the “Over and over during needed extension on the grant comple- call, including a handful of intrepid souls this time, members of tion date as well as an additional grant of who watered during a sudden summer $1,000. drought to ensure everything survived. CVUU answered the call Barbara Gelzer credits CVUU’s tremen- CVUU's total work party hours for the and turned out for work dous teamwork with the bulk of our suc- past planting year totaled 550 hours, parties. Not just a dedi- cess. “Over and over during this time, including 43 participants over 13 members of CVUU answered the call and months. We received grants totaling cated team, not just turned out for work parties. Not just a $3,000, of which we have spent $2,307. grounds crew, not just a dedicated team, not just grounds crew,
While we accomplished the biggest committee or two not just a committee or two achieved changes over the past year, the real start this accomplishment. We all did, work- achieved this accom- ing together,” she said. was in 2016 when our building was pur- chased. CVUU occupies nine acres, four plishment. We all did, Being good stewards of the environment of which are wetlands. In May of 2016, working together.” is just one of many goals for CVUU, the Chesapeake Bay Preservation Area which has a rich history as an agent for Board provided guidance on how to re- change in our community. CVUU is also a store the riparian buffer which extends member of the Pearl Faith Community, a on three sides of the building. Further ronmental Initiative sub-committee pro- similar pledge-program of the Lynnhaven environmental recommendations came vided $1,000 for needed shrubs and River Now non-profit, whose goal is to from the Elizabeth River Project in June grasses. Planting started right away to help people of faith recognize and fulfill of 2018, and from Lynnhaven River Now stabilize this area and avoid an explosion their responsibility for the stewardship in June of 2019. Our CVUU Grounds Com- of invasive growth. The planting was and protection of waterways in Hamp- mittee Chair, Barbara Gelzer, said emer- completed early this summer and report- ton Roads. gency repairs to our parking lot provided ed to the Elizabeth River Project, whose an immediate impetus; we had to cut five recommendations from their June 2018 For homeowners or businesses located feet off the western edge to replace the letter had been carefully followed. along this vital waterway, you can read failing curbing. The repairs exposed over Just as the last shrubs were planted, the more about how you can be a River Star 800 square feet of soil which had previ- Elizabeth River Project awarded CVUU a partner on their website here: https:// ously been under the paving. Our Envi- tree grant. So, planting resumed, push- elizabethriver.org/ River Love: Balm for this time of fear
By Marjorie Mayfield Jackson
From my unaccustomed new “desk chair,” a flowered arm chair in my living room, I take stressful call after call. Staff furloughs? New sick leave policies? The future of our multi- million dollar project?
I swivel to my laptop. How are other river groups handling this free fall; the time of the coronavirus? River Network offers a link to a psycholo- gist, talking calmly. “In times of fear, the only response is love,” he says.
I think back to the first time some- one told me they found healing in the presence of the Elizabeth River. Dr. Lucy Herman, growing up in Free- mason, the daughter of a physician, said her father had his patients wait
Cont. on page 3 Image credit/Marjorie Mayfield Jackson
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 2 CONNECTIONS Interested in social justice within CVUU?
(SJC) is a standing CVUU commit- tee that adheres to UUA princi- ples and the CVUU By-Laws. It is responsible for: 1. Educating itself and the con- gregation regarding pertinent issues of social justice 2. Acting together to redress these issues, and 3. Involving the congregation in these efforts. Currently, CVUU’s social justice priorities are:
• Affordable housing and Image credit/Marjorie Mayfield Jackson homelessness • Affordable healthcare and Cont. from page 2 ing up my office for home, by Alice Jaffe. healthcare access in the “blue room” with a river view. He I relax into her description of the “smell • Environmental quality, cli- believed the river helped them. So many of the mud at low tide.” mate change, sea level rise people since have shared stories, poems, and community resiliency paintings and more of a two-way love; By the time I cook soup for dinner (lots • Equal rights and gender the river and us. of garlic! parsley!), I am happy. Love does equality heal fear. Loving the river that flows • LGBTQ rights and ending I recall how I quit my job to give back to through all South Hampton Roads unites discrimination this river I love, working for free for years us in a time when we are too separate. • Racial justice and fighting before we had any staff. My husband and Share your stories, your photos, your art, racism in our community I chose our house for its sweeping river your thoughts about the wonder of the view (that’s him in my little sketch with river in your life: #LoveLiz. You just might The SJC’s role is to increase Peaches in a canoe—above). We left our help lift others out of fear. knowledge of these topics and wedding in a row boat, not a car (see my to encourage participation in sketch on page 2 — my sister in law, Kay This article was reprinted with Marjorie’s appropriate local organizations Temme, captured the moment). I re-read permission. Marjorie is a friend of CVUU and activities. a poem on my desk that my neighbor and the Executive Director of the Elizabeth gave me just weeks ago, of the wonder River Project. She welcomes community Contact: Lynn Waltz at: of watching the river from her window. I partnership opportunities. Contact her at: [email protected] read an older poem I found while pack- [email protected] Hardhat Trade-in Fundraiser rakes in funds for social hall
We have entered PHASE ONE for The cotton twill hats come in our new Social Hall! Workers garment-washed charcoal or have begun the demolition of Nantucket red, with the rain- walls, electrical work, and drywall bow CVUU logo embroidered repair! on the front. Help pave the way for our dream Be sure to indicate your color gathering space by making a choice or email the color choice Hardhat Trade-in donation! With to Susie at [email protected]. a minimum donation of $20, you You can also send a check - can proudly wear a new CVUU (made payable to CVUU) - add To purchase, follow the link: https://www.paypal.com/donate? ballcap! color choice to the memo line. hosted_button_id=4J6UJZ3GU97VC&source=url
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 3 CONNECTIONS CVUU’s Buddhist group welcomes all newcomers By Paul Harrell word “nirvana” refers to a Hindu con- nonviolence. He has met with many psy- cept of (self-)realization that is also pre- chologists. I saw him (from an overflow Did you know sent in Buddhism. Buddha himself lived room) speak once at a Society for Neuro- there is a Bud- about 2,600 years ago in India. His spir- science conference. You may or may not dhist Affinity itual teachings were perhaps unique in also have heard of Thich Nhat Hanh, the Group at CVUU? I their emphasis on personal transfor- Vietnamese monk. During the Vietnam have been privi- mation. These teachings are sometimes war, Nhat Hanh met Martin Luther King, leged to facilitate referred to as a “science” of the mind. Jr. and urged him to publicly denounce this group, with The idea of a science of the mind always the Vietnam War, leading King to nomi- much support fascinated me. At some point in my un- nate Nhat Hanh for the Nobel Peace from other volun- dergraduate Psychology studies, I Prize. Nhat Hanh worked to develop the teers, since sometime in 2016. I arrived in learned of a psychologist named Timo- concept of mindfulness in the West, in- Norfolk, Virginia in 2015, living down- thy Leary. My interests in music, religion, spiring the development of mindfulness town at the time. I was excited to con- and psychology seemed to align as I centers throughout the United States, nect with this Unitarian Universalist com- learned about his connections with pop- including some with Unitarian Universal- munity (then known as the Unitarian ular musicians such as the Beatles, Blind ists. Church of Norfolk). I learned there was a Melon, and Tool. Although there were Buddhist group involved with UCN that things to admire about Dr. Leary, I also According to Wikipedia, Buddhism is the was meeting on Mondays but was disap- grew to understand his issues and flaws. world’s fourth-largest religion, with over pointed to hear that it was no longer I learned about a contemporary of his, 520 million followers. My limited experi- active. I approached the Reverend at Richard Alpert, another psychologist. Dr. ence with Buddhism is obviously that time to see if I could re-activate the Alpert was a good friend of Dr. Leary, miniscule compared to the vast amounts group and was happy to receive approv- but they took quite different approaches of practices around the world. During my al. Since then, I have been fortunate to nd as they grew older. Dr. Alpert studied in sessions on 2 Mondays, we typically be joined by many active and enthusias- India, changed his name to Baba Ram spend time practicing meditation, fol- tic members, such as Stephanee Howell, Dass, and strongly advocated for the lowed by a reading or a dharma talk, and Andrew Utman, Rick Docksai, and Mike practice of meditation in books such as ending with sharing. All are welcome, Ludwick, just to name a few. regardless of prior or current affiliation. I Be Here Now. What do you think of when you hear the also welcome ideas and suggestions. For many people, I imagine the most word “Buddhism”? I’d love to hear your Hope to see or hear from you. famous Buddhist is the Dalai Lama. Dalai thoughts. Please e-mail me at bud- Lama is a title given to the spiritual lead- [email protected]. Perhaps, like me, Paul Harrell is a CVUU member. He has prac- er of a particular school of Tibetan Bud- ticed and studied Buddhism, mostly informally, some of your early introductions to East- dhism. The current Dalai Lama received with Fred Epsteinner in Tampa, Florida since ern religions came through music. I grew the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989 and was 2014, and with Allen Sandler in Norfolk, Virgin- up in the 1990’s, so Nirvana was a band named by Time magazine as a spiritual ia since 2016. Both have prior connections with that had a major impact on me. The heir to Mahatma Gandhi’s practice of Thich Nhat Hanh.
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 4 CONNECTIONS
CVUU’S POETRY CORNER A Place To Come Surviving In From The Cold
By Sheila Dinwiddie By Mary Jean Kledzik It lives for no pleasure-- But gives quickly when left at A place to come in If not soon then another ease. from the cold Spring Get out of the rain brings wind, wheat, or blos- Much of the brown earth must To hang your hat som: be in our souls. where your heart sweet gift! How else could so many is
rise again and be moist to the This earth needs no hope-- A safe place, a morning? warm place encircled by your own good roof and walls Alzheimer’s Disease A place to put things down where they stay – windows that close By Mary Jean Kledzik —a child again— Each room is a new world follows back News with the morning coffee to him as you lead to the kitchen, or the warmth Sleeping in on Saturday your father—holding lightly of wherever you are. between clean sheets with running water in the the long and bony hand— bathroom down the hall through your home to His heart, as he looks at you, the guest room. Closets of work clothes swishes the red flow and Sunday best from one closed chamber In his moment to drawers for socks and underwear to the next. Can he know moment awareness, he Grandma’s quilt across the bed your love? Flowers next to drawn up future plans spread across a dining room table inlaid with memories – Mary Jean Kledzik is a CVUU member and the author of the award-winning book: Holy days, birthdays and graduation “As if Wine Could Pour from Her Nipple.” hopes Her poems have appeared in The Paris Review, Hotel Amerika, Agni, Gargoyle, A radio in the Kitchen Margie, Western Humanities Review and pouring the outside world elsewhere. over cooking smell – Mary sent a treasured memory along with grocery bags for a fridge her poetry submissions: with room for a six pack
“At my grandmother's 94th birthday, in Backyard BBQ 1980, I asked her what the secret of living a neighbors – company for Sunday dinner good life is. She thought for just a moment, then said: ‘Life is hard, no matter how many blessings you have, but do a lot of loving and A porch lite and a welcome mat you'll be alright.’ And a wreath for every season A key to the front door “By this time in her life, she was not only widowed but had lost two of her four children: a five-month old baby daughter to childhood All left behind diseases of the time--and a 28 year-old son to a ruptured appen- When you have to go homeless
dix, just a year before penicillin was discovered. Her words have Sheila Dinwiddie calls herself a kitchen ta- always helped me.” ble poet. She has hosted a Writer’s Group at her home for many years.
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 5 CONNECTIONS Adventures in UU Parenting: The God Talk By Rayven Holmes when there are outside forces affirming https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/
Parenting is absolutes in times when all you can do is bible-stories-for-heathen-children/ speak your truth. Over the years I’ve id1480175191 tough. Parent- ing while be- found that if I focus on raising compas- Maybe Yes, Maybe No helps kids think ing part of a sionate critical thinkers then the rest critically about information they are told. faith that calls more or less sorts itself out. In addition The first half is similar to a comic, the last us to forge to teaching the children to question eve- half is more of a lecture. our own spir- rything and everyone, yes, even me, I’ve https://www.goodreads.com/book/ itual paths can created an ever-growing collection of show/186676.Maybe_Yes_Maybe_No sometimes resources to help. Below isn’t the com- plete list, merely a glimpse of the wealth For Parents/Caregivers feel like torture. We are simultaneously trying to process our own religious and of resources at our disposal as we raise Parenting Beyond Belief First Edition spiritual pasts while looking for a foot- ethical children free to forge their own https://www.goodreads.com/book/ paths in life. hold to help guide our children into the show/54170.Parenting_Beyond_Belief
murky waters of life. Indian Jones’ ad- If you’re looking for a group of compas- Parenting Beyond Belief Second Edition ventures haven’t got anything on UU sionate individuals to offer support as https://www.oreilly.com/library/view/ parenting. It is not always easy being a you move through your UU parenting parenting-beyond-belief/9780814437421/ UU parent but it’s definitely worth it. If adventure REACH meets the third Thurs- you’re not a UU parent you might be day of every month at 8 p.m. We hope to Raising Freethinkers Book asking yourself, “well what’s so difficult see you there on December 17th. https://www.goodreads.com/book/ about being a UU parent?” for one, show/3420416-raising-freethinkers For Kids there’s the god talk. Ask ten UUs to tell Usborne Encyclopedia of World Reli- Raising Freethinkers Podcast you about god and you’ll get twelve gions is excellent because there are links https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ different answers, yes, that math is right. raising-freethinkers/id1450646222 to accompany the text that provide a
What makes UUism beautiful is we don’t deeper look at the various faiths and the Relax, It's Just God by Wendy Thomas claim to have the answers, we’re here to people who practice them. Russell covers how and why to talk walk your journey with you, not for you. https://www.usborne.com/quicklinks/ about god with your kids. Unfortunately, though, we live in a socie- eng/catalogue/catalogue.aspx? https://www.goodreads.com/book/ ty where a lot of people and organiza- cat=1&loc=usa&area=RL&subcat=RWR&i show/24913473-relax-it-s-just-god tions affirm that they know exactly how d=4173
everyone should live their lives. This Bible Stories for Heathen Children is a Rayven Holmes is our Youth Program means, inevitably, every UU parent will podcast that tells biblical stories from a Coordinator at CVUU. She lives in have to have the conversation about mythological standpoint to provide ex- Hampton, VA with her husband and god. That conversation is even harder posure without indoctrination. three sons.
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 6 CONNECTIONS
MEET THE NEW CVUU BOARD MEMBERS
Alicia Sunny Phillips—Director
How long have you been a CVUU member? About two years. I became a regular in December of 2018. In the Spring of 2019, I officially joined the congregation with my parents Mikeal and Patricia Marlow. To demonstrate my commitment I immediately joined auxiliaries and committees. I served on the coffee crew briefly, before joining the Racial Justice Task Force, choir, and band, as well as the Worship Service Team.
What drew you to our CVUU community? The opportunity to build community across boundaries. CVUU has been a place where I can bring my whole self, with my various identities. Spiritually, I am an animist, with an affinity for African indigenous spirituality, earth-centered spirituality and Buddhism. Yet, I also have a deep appreciation for humanism. I envision that my service to the faith will eventually extend from lay leadership to lay pastoral care, and possibly in the longer term, ministry.
When did you join the board and why? Joined in 2020 to serve the congregation.
What are your interests and hobbies? Travel, reading, creative and healing arts, spending time in nature, sungazing.
Rick Docksai—Director
How long have you been a CVUU member? I became a member in January of this year, though I began regularly attending CVUU services back in March 2019 and got involved in the Young Adults Group and other CVUU groups soon thereafter.
What drew you to our CVUU community? I was a newcomer to the Hampton Roads area in fall 2018, when I first moved here from Maryland for a new job. I was looking for a community I could join to meet new people, make new friends, find purpose, and be of service in social issues that matter to me. I’d previously gone to UU services at a congregation in Rockville, Maryland, and liked the people and the principles that UUs stand for, so I looked around for a UU congregation here. I found CVUU, and I’m very glad that I did.
When did you join the Board and why? Valerie [Rottink] messaged me earlier this year to tell me that seats on the Board had opened up, and that she would recommend me to the Nominating Committee if I was interested. To which I said: absolutely. The election took place in June, and I was voted in as a new Board member. I’m glad to be on the Board, because CVUU means so much to me. I love being part of this wonderful community and seeing it grow. Being a Board member is a great way for me to more actively help make that growth happen.
What are your interests and hobbies? I’m an avid reader, news writer, chess and board games player, and hiker. I also love animals and enjoy volunteering with dogs at the Virginia Beach SPCA and other local rescue organizations. And I enjoy travel and learning new languages, such as French, Spanish, and Russian.
Tracy Navarra-Davis—Director
How long have you been a CVUU member? I joined CVUU in 2017 when my wife, Rene, and I arrived in Virginia.
What drew you to our CVUU community? I’ve seen the CVUU community “be real” together and work through it to become stronger and more committed to right relations. I enjoy being part of a community that moves steadily toward a healthy future, by investing emotion, time and treasure in building connections, programs, and ties to the greater world that exercise our shared UU values. I value work, family, and religious community, and appreciate that I feel invited to bring my whole self to church.
When did you join the Board and why? I joined in June of this year. Being able to serve on the board means having the pleasure of lifting a few bricks, as it were, to contribute as our beloved CVUU community builds its promis- ing future.
What are your interests and hobbies? I love walking on dirt between trees. I enjoy solving a black belt Sudoku. And I relax by sitting with our dear dog and some good science fiction.
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 7 CONNECTIONS UUA’s Common Read: Breathe CVUU Book Lovers From the UUA website tion on race,
Each year the UUA chooses a gender, and pick reads for 2021 the meaning “Common Read” and invites par- The CVUU Book Lovers meet the third Saturday of ticipants to read and discuss the of a life well lived and is each month at 12:30 p.m. for book chats on novels same book in a given period of (historical fiction, science fiction, and non-fiction) via time. The UUA Common Read also an un- forgettable Zoom. They provide intellectual stimulation, build can build community in our con- relationships, and prior to the pandemic, met over gregations and our movement by lesson in Black re- lunch and shared good food and recipes! giving diverse people a shared experience, shared language, and sistance and Their book choices for 2021 begin resilience. Saturday, January 23rd with: “The a basis for deep, meaningful con- versations. At this moment in time, we are in Overstory,” by Richard Powers. It is a powerful, lengthy story (500+ The Common Read for 2020-21 the midst of an historic national reckoning with what it means to pages) of interwoven vignettes is “Breathe: A Letter to My from people’s and trees’ lives and Sons,” by Imani Perry (Beacon live as a Black or Brown American and systems of institutional rac- our interdependence. It is a win- Press, 2019). ner of the of Pulitzer Prize and ism that have been operating to Emotionally raw and deeply re- control, traumatize, and oppress nominated as one of the Mann flective, Imani Perry issues a chal- Booker finalists. people of color since our coun- lenge to society to see Black chil- try’s founding. As our President, dren as deserving of humanity. Rev. Susan Frederick-Gray, has She admits fear and frustration written, “It matters that we sup- for her African American sons in a port the uprisings whose goal is society that is increasingly racist the liberation of Black people and at times seems irredeema- and communities who for too ble. However, as a mother, femi- long have been crushed by white nist, writer, and intellectual, Per- supremacy, militarism, and capi- ry offers an unfettered expres- talism. We must find the sources sion of love—finding beauty and Other upcoming reads include: within ourselves to give us cour- possibility in life—and she ex- age in this moment.” In choos- “All the Devils Are Here ,” by Louise horts her children and their peers ing Breathe as the 2020-2021 to find the courage to chart their Penny (a crime read in the series of Common Read, our hope is that it adventures of Chief Inspector Armand own paths and find steady foot- nurtures this necessary courage. ing and inspiration in Black tradi- Gamache—this time investigating a Congregations, groups, and indi- sinister plot in the City of Light.) tion. The New York Times viduals may purchase this book in calls Breathe “an elixir of history, hardcover from inSpirit: The UU “March,” by the late U.S. Congress- ancestry and compassion, which, Book and Gift Shop; group dis- man John Lewis (a graphic novel trilogy that is a viv- together, become instruction …a count available. The e-book and id first-hand account of John Lewis' lifelong struggle parent’s unflinching demand, for civil and human rights.) audio book (CD or MP3) are avail- born of inherited trauma and able from Bookshop.org. “The Night Watchman,” by Louise Erdrich (based on love, for her children’s right simp- In hardcover from InSpirit, the the life of the author’s grandfather, who worked as ly to be possible.” UUA Book and Gift Shop. a night watchman and carried the fight against Na- Breathe offers a broader medita- tive dispossession from rural North Dakota all the way to Washington, D.C.)
“10 Lessons for a Post-Pandemic World,” by Fareed Zekaria (Written in the form of ten "lessons," cover- ing topics from natural and biological risks to the rise of "digital life" to an emerging bipolar world order.)
“Once I Was You: A Memoir of Love and Hate in a Torn America,” by Maria Hinojosa (Emmy-winning NPR journalist writes about her Mexican American heritage as an immigrant to America at age 2.)
The Book Lovers welcome new members. To join the discussion, contact organizer Vicki Caminer: [email protected].
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 8 CONNECTIONS Dear body … an exercise of self love
By Darcy Ferguson
I wrote this letter as a homework assign- ment for a body kindness/neutrality sup- port group.
Dear Body,
There are so many things I would like to apologize to you for. I have spent most of my life hating you because that was what I was taught to do by the people in my life and by society, simply for not being some unattainable, perfect speci- men of femininity. I could say that I owe you all these apologies ... but it’s much more powerful that I want to apologize to you and correct my behavior toward you.
Maybe neither of us will get better treat- ment from most of the world, but if I start with you, with apologizing to you sincerely and make a concerted effort to Image credit/ Exalted Boudoir https://www.exaltedboudoir.com/ treat you right, to love you the way I would like for you to be loved, then it Now I know the secret. But I don’t want gives me a baseline for how I ought to to be perfect, because that would mean expect others to treat me. It gives others that I could stop learning and growing, a good example of the way I expect to “I am sorry for giving and I’m certainly not ready for that. But, be treated. It demands I no longer ac- up on myself. The body, you are certainly good enough, cept behavior from anyone, including and you always have been. myself, that does not meet that stand- way I make amends I am so very sorry for not taking care of ard. you the way I should have, body. There for that is by treating That said, my dear body, there are some have been periods of time when I have very important things I would like to dis- myself the way I de- eaten food that was good for you, when cuss with you. I have exercised and given you the kind serve to be treated, of movement that you needed to be I am so very sorry for hating you. From a healthy. But sometimes, I really haven’t. young age, I was taught that to be fat by doing all of the Sometimes I ate garbage because I was was to be unattractive and unlovable. To things I have talked feeling lazy, sometimes I ate it for com- be fat meant that you were lazy. It fort, and sometimes for spite. meant you ate too much. It meant you didn’t try hard enough. It meant you about in this letter, by My relationship with food is a complex weren’t good enough. So, because you living my life as well one. Complex and unhealthy. As a child, I were genetically predisposed to being was denied sweets and was made to eat heavier, I was supposed to hate you. as I can, and by loving non-fat everything. I understand now that it was my mother’s ignorant at- I was bombarded on all fronts with imag- myself as hard as I tempt to provide a healthy diet for me... es of the ‘ideal’ female shape. I've spent but much like her intention of grinding most of my life dreaming of being a size can.” the will to not be fat into me because zero so that I would deserve love, happi- she honestly believed I would be able to ness, and decency. be happy if I was anorexic turned into And you, body, were never meant to be so that each of us feels lacking – fat girls half a lifetime of self-hatred, her inten- a size zero. An ideal size for you is what need to be skinny, skinny girls need to be tion of controlling my diet has similarly is healthy. You are beautiful, whether toned and muscular, muscular girls need taught me to have a love-hate relation- your curves arc outward or inward. to be more feminine, her nose is too big, ship with food, fueled by guilt, spite, and her skin is flawed, her hair is thin, what- I am so sorry that it has taken me such a shame. ever. It’s a vicious cycle, all designed to long time to recognize that. I know what I need to give you, body. I keep us easily controlled and buying Let’s be honest – none of us are perfect. things we don’t need in order to attain know what a healthy diet is. I need to Society has set our entire paradigm up some unattainable ideal. Cont. page 10 VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 9 CONNECTIONS Cont. from page 9 drink more water and eat more veg- Stay connected to the CVUU community! etables. I need to cut out processed foods and cook for myself with There are many ways to get involved at (Zoom, Facebook fresh ingredients. I need get up and CVUU. Many groups are still active virtual- live, Discord etc.), exercise you, body. Right now, it’s ly while we wait to get together again in and the steps to hard, because I have let myself stay person. join in (including links, passwords sedentary... but you need to move, WEEKLY SERVICES: Sunday Service is at etc.). If you would you love to move, and I owe it to 10:30 a.m. on Zoom, immediately followed you to start moving again. life to receive up-to- by virtual Coffee Hour. Stay connected on date weekly news And finally, I am so incredibly sorry Zoom when the service ends, and you will from our congrega- for giving up on you for so long, automatically be moved into chat rooms. tion, easily accessi- body. I lost hope in ever being beau- (Meeting ID - 760 822 163/Password – ble from a desktop, tiful, and so I hid in a video game 8092020/ Or dial in by phone: +1 301 715 smartphone or tab- where I could pretend I was. For 8592) years. let, subscribe to the Weekly Courier, pub- Recorded sermons: We post our weekly lished every Wednesday! Follow this link And during that time, I neglected sermons on our YouTube channel— to subscribe: http://eepurl.com/dLqnOw you, body. And I hated you. I resent- https://www.youtube.com/channel/ ed you every day for not being what Click here to see our Virtual Welcome Ta- UC55afZ2NFjO22rmn6DF00wQ I wished you could be. ble with a full list of options:
The CVUU Courier: This weekly newsletter I gave up on you. For so long. https://www.c-vuu.org/wp-content/ provides information on current activities I gave up on me. uploads/2020/12/Virtual-CVUU-2.0.pdf with details on how an event is being held I am sorry for giving up on myself. The way I make amends for that is by treating myself the way I deserve to be treated, by doing all of the things I have talked about in this letter, by living my life as well as I can, and by loving myself as hard as I can.
Dearest body – you and I are stuck together, whether we like it or not. I think I’d rather like it. I’d rather love it.
So, I’m going to stop hating you and do everything in my power to stop acting hatefully toward you. You deserve love. You de- serve care. You deserve good health. And you deserve me hav- ing hope and caring.
You deserve all of that. Because I deserve all of that. If I'm going to demand to be treated the way I want to be by others, I have to start by treating myself the way I want to be treated.
Dearest body – It's not going to be easy. But it’s sure not going to be as hard as it has been. We’re in this together.
All My Love, Darcy
Darcy Ferguson is an active CVUU member, part of the Communication Team and the Stitcher’s Circle.
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 10 CONNECTIONS Covenant Circles offer spiritual exploration Do you yearn to build stronger inter- If you feel the need for individual emo- personal relationships with other UUs tional support, contact the minister, while engaging in spiritual exploration? [email protected] or the coordinator of the Lay Pastoral Care Team, Francie You can do this each month at CVUU in Siegfried, at laypastoralcare@c- Covenant Circles (CCs), now meeting vuu.org. via Zoom! These small groups provide an avenue for confidential discussion Covenant Circles for 2020 -2021: and deeper spiritual exploration led by --3rd Tuesday night, 7 - 9 p.m. Facilita- Covenant Circle facilitators. You are tors: Perry Duncan and Rosemary invited to join one of these groups for Ayres. late 2020-2021! --2nd Wednesday night, 7:30 – 9 p.m.
Facilitator is Francie Siegfried. Covenant Circles offer opportunities for --1st Thursday night, 7 – 9 p.m. Facilita- relationship building as well as spiritual tor is Richard Anderson. exploration in small group, private dis- --2nd and 4th Friday afternoons, 3:15-5 cussions which meet once each month experiences related to the chosen p.m. Facilitator is Vicki Caminer. (or twice monthly for the Saturday af- theme such as: “What life experiences --1st and 3nd Saturdays, 2 - 4 p.m. Facili- ternoon Covenant Circle). Group mem- have challenged you along the way tator is Joe New. bers and facilitators select the discus- even though you may only later have --4th Thursday, Facilitator is Pat Metzler. sion topics, though sometimes groups realized the ‘gift’ those challenges NOTE: This CC is on hiatus until in- choose to follow the worship services brought you?” person meetings at CVUU resume. theme for the month such as
“Community” or “Remembrance and Since our feelings and emotions are To join a Covenant Circle, contact Vicki Gratitude” to share from their own per- engaged any time we explore values Caminer, Covenant Circle convenor at: sonal experiences with one another. and meaning in our lives, Covenant Cir- 757-638-0737 (landline) 757-469-1397 cles encourage our sharing but also (cell) or email at vickicamin- These are not forums for intellectual, provide important bridges to build abstract discussion but instead provide community and personal exploration at [email protected]. us the chance to share personal life a deeper level.
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 11 CONNECTIONS
CVUU’S FANFARONADE Author, Author! Longtime CVUU member Per- ry Duncan is now a published author! His textbook, “Substance Use Disorders: A Biopsychosocial Perspective,” was published last month and is now available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and directly from Cambridge University Press.
The book surveys the current knowledge on substance use disorders (SUD), summarizing scientific evidence from nu- merous fields. It uses a bi- opsychosocial framework to Image credit/ Perry Duncan integrate the many factors cy Duncan, greatly contributed that contribute to addictions, to all stages of creation of this from genetic predispositions, book. She helped clarify my neurological responses thinking and writing on many caused by drugs, co-occurring aspects of substance use disor- psychiatric disorders, person- ders and identified points that ality traits, and developmen- I had omitted or not adequate- tal conditions to cultural influ- ly explained. Having another ences. professor of biological psychol-
Perry is a professor of biologi- ogy as an in-house editor and a cal psychology. He gave a major contributor was a defi- special credit in the acknowl- nite advantage. Thank you, edgement section of his book Nancy, for years of commit- Image credit/ Steve Daniel ment to this long-term pro- to his wife: “My wife, Dr. Nan- 1st place winners: “Cypress Trees Display their Spring Colors on a ject!” Foggy Morning” and “A Great Egret Assumes the Posture of a Sym- phony Conductor.” Both images were taken at Stumpy Lake Natu- ral Area in Virginia Beach, located along the city boundary with Pandemic inspires a Chesapeake. It consists of 1,422 acres including a 278-acre lake with a raised overlook, 174-acre golf course, 970+ acres of undeveloped, favorite CVUU artist forested land surrounding the lake and 1.65 miles of trails. Tret Fure, a familiar face at CVUU who has donated her Nature photos take 1st Place talent to many of our wor- ship services, has some news Longtime CVUU member and won first place in both the to crow about: our favorite congregational Wildlife and Celebrate Trees
I just released my 17th album, photographer, Steve Daniel, is categories. His photos were an award winner now! chosen for how truly they rep- “Stone by Stone.” This is defi- nitely my most mature and He was both “pleased and sur- resented Virginia Beach’s natu- thoroughly thought provoking prised” to learn that two of his ral beauty and diverse ecosys- CD to date. The material rang- tems. photos were chosen as first- es from folk, to blues, to jazz, place winners in the recent Lynnhaven River Now is a local information about ordering it to rock with my retro song Lynnhaven River Now 2020 nonprofit organization dedicat- at www.tretfure.com. Of “Across the Room,” a pan- photo contest. ed to restoring and protecting demic inspired tune. The title course you can download from many of the platforms A panel of judges chose win- the beautiful Lynnhaven River, song is an autobiographical with the overall goal of work- look at love through the lens out there but buy from me ners in four categories: Wild- please! I only wish I could life, Landscape, Recreation, ing to make Virginia Beach of time. Please don’t miss my waterways clean and healthy. new release! You can find hand you all copies personally. and Celebrating Trees. Steve
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 12 CONNECTIONS 70s cult film, screenplay full of UU values By Tracy Brune "That's pretty mystical." Reprinted from Nov. 2019 "You're right, Harold. It's a mystery. Frank-
When the Novel Idea Book Club (NIBC) ly, I'm not sure if He's Our Father or Our decided to discuss the book and subse- Mother. I only know," she said, patting the trunk of the tree, "He's very creative." quent film adaptation of "Harold and Maude," none of our members realized Through their improbable friendship and how very UU our pick was until we sat eventual romance, Harold learns to enjoy down together to discuss it. life and to open himself up to love. His
For those of you unfamiliar with "Harold relationship with Maude breaks norms and Maude," (a novel by Colin Higgins but also shows the reader/viewer that and a cult film classic from 1971) it is the we alienate ourselves from others when love story of two eccentric souls, Harold, we remain separated by class, gender, a death-obsessed 20-year-old from a and age. Maude's character breaks with wealthy family, and Maude, a 79-year-old the usual representation of aging women free-spirited bohemian and survivor of a in film - she is vibrant, sexual and roman- tic. Jewish concentration camp during World War II. One of the best features of the film over
Both the film and the book are tough to the book is the remarkable soundtrack pin down to a single genre. The American by Cat Stevens, which has a kind of sym- Film Institute rates "Harold and Maude" biosis with the film's big themes. The as the #9 Romantic Comedy of all time, ultimate message of the book and the the #45 Dark Comedy of all time, and the what it says in the Koran -- "God is Love." film is that we are as happy as we allow #69 Romance film of all time. Harold grimaced. "It says that in the Bi- ourselves to be - that opportunities are all around us if we would just look for Harold and Maude (in the book and the ble," he corrected. "And anyway, it's just a cliché." them. This message is delivered best in a film) meet while attending a stranger's song Steven's wrote specifically for the funeral. It is hilarious, absurd, deeply "Well, a cliché today is a profundity to- morrow -- and vice versa..." film, "If you want to sing out, sing out." moving and ultimately endearing. Read- The scene with Maude and Harold sing- ing the book after seeing the film (many "Maude, do you pray?" "Well, I communicate." ing this song together is one of the times!) made me love the story and char- best on-screen moments. acters even more. It was especially fun to "How?" watch it with friends seeing it for the first "Lots of ways. Through living. Through "Well, if you want to sing out, sing out time. loving. Different levels of consciousness And if you want to be free, be free require different levels of communication. 'Cause there's a million things to be As we do every month, we shared our Language isn't the only way of talking." You know that there are ..." favorite written passages with each oth- Harold smiled, "Yes," he said. "There's Harold and Maude is available for online er - this time we had chosen nearly all of always waltzing.” the same ones, but one in particular reso- streaming at Amazon Prime Video. Hig- "Right," said Maude. "One dances for gins's novelization has been out of print nated with each of us as the most UU of grace -- in the theological sense." all. It was a discussion of God. Harold for more than thirty years, but you can "But, where is He? Is He inside of us or out- find used copies on Amazon. asks Maude, "who do you think God is?" side of us?"
"Oh, he has lots of names. Brahma, the "Both, I imagine. There is a little God inside Tracy Brune is the CVUU Communication Coor- dinator and organizer of the Novel Ideas Book Tao, Jove. And for the metaphysically in- us to show us where we've been, and a Club. To join NIBC, email her at comm- little God outside of us to show us where clined, there's The First Cause, The One [email protected]. They meet again Reality, or the Eternal Root. For me, I like we're going." Jan.20, 2021.
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 13 CONNECTIONS This critter needs a name! Woodchuck, land beaver, whistle pig? ries, also grubs and insects.
Apparently these are all one and the “We’ve planted lots of things with ber- same animal —a groundhog. ries— possum haw, arrowwood, elder- You may catch a glimpse of one of berries, and black huckleberries!” these glorious critters if you work on Because they can do serious damage to the south end of church, says CVUU gardens, many homeowners often Grounds Committee Chair, Barbara evict these critters from their property. Gelzer, but not for a few more Our plan is more in line with our UU months. They are likely hibernating for values—we shall peacefully coexist and the winter now. honor the groundhog’s place in the This shy fella was spotted by Judy Welp ecosystem. But that means giving our in late October standing upright next new friends a wide berth. Barbara said to a loblolly pine, confirming what our groundhogs can be aggressive, even Grounds Team suspected for many more so than raccoons. months. Evidence of these tiny She has located one burrow, which she CVUUers was written on the trees. suspects was abandoned for a time “We’ve seen bark chewed on a number when the team started planting along of trees right at the edge of the the west side of the parking lot. woods. When I headed out to check The groundhog isn’t the only wildlife the trees, I actually saw it racing for the making its presence known. With the safety of its burrow,” said Barbara. She tremendous crop of pecans at CVUU installed more tree protectors (brown this year, there is much squirrel activity. Image credit/Judy Welp plastic expandable cuffs) last month. In fact, Barbara said squirrels invaded Say hello to CVUU’s resident groundhog! This Barbara says the grounds are a perfect the social hall wing during yard sale was taken in late October during a work party. smorgasbord for groundhogs, who eat preparations last month, making their The staff would love your help in giving this a lot of different grasses, weeds, leaves way to the first floor before they were little guy a name! Send your ideas to comm- and twigs of trees like dogwoods, ber- discovered! [email protected].
BELOVED PETS OF CVUU
Rev. Viola Abbitt has two beloved kitties! Meet 5-year-old Minerva, (left) born in New York and adopted from Kitten Angels (http://kittenangels.org/). She likes to eat and sleep when she’s not avoiding her playful new housemate, Cricket (right). Cricket is 4-5 months old, born in Virginia and recently adopted from the Norfolk SPCA (https://norfolkspca.com/). She likes to cuddle, play and tease Minerva.
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 4 PAGE 14