His Eyes Looked Like Eggs, with the Yolks Broken Open, With
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PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 #18 www.razorcake.com picked off the road, and sewn back on. If he didn’t move with such is eyes looked like eggs, with the yolks broken open, with authority, it’d’ve been easy to mistake him as broken. bits of blood pulsing through them. Before he even opened His voice caught me off guard. It was soft, resonant. “What’re HHup his grease stained tennis bag, I knew that there was you looking for?” nothing I’d want to buy from him. He unzipped the bag. Inside, “Foot pegs.” I didn’t have to give him the make and model. He there were ten or fifteen carburetors. Obviously freshly stolen, the knew from the connecting bolt I held out. rubber fuel lines cut raggedly and gas leaking out. “Got ‘em. Don’t haggle with me. You got the cash?” I placed “No. I’m just looking for foot pegs.” the money in his hand. “Man, you could really help me out. Sure you don’t want an “That’s what I like. Cash can’t bounce. Follow me.” upgrade? There’s some nice ones in here.” We weaved through dusty corridors, the halls strategically There were some very expensive pieces of metal, highly mined with Doberman shit. To the untrained eye, the place looked polished, winking at me. I could almost hear the death threats their in shambles. No care was taken to preserve the carpet. Inside-facing previous owners’ bellowed into empty parking lots. windows were smashed out. He bent down, opened a drawer with a “No. I just need foot pegs.” yank, and pulled out two footpegs. “They don’t make these any “Well, you better act quick. These ain’t gonna last.” Eyes more. You’re lucky. This is the last pair I got.” I was relieved. I’d darting, the shaky man walked off. been looking for the pegs for three months. Months earlier, I had made the mistake of purchasing a We talked some more about my troubles and challenges with “complete, I swear” motorcycle in four large milk crates, plus a the bike. Maybe it was because I listened and didn’t brag or trouble rolling frame. I was on a parts hunt. The lady I was dating at the him with money, but I talked to Wendel for about an hour and a time, her brother – well, he wasn’t in the gang, but he knew all the half. He’d been involved with bikes since he’d returned from brothers – was a great mechanic. I wouldn’t have been buzzered Vietnam. He liked them better than most human beings. inside that pentagon of trailer homes, literally welded together so Then he showed me his bike. It was gorgeous. It wasn’t a shiny, there was a large interior area, if it wasn’t for someone else flashy, chrome-heavy lawyer bike, it was a bike you could tell was vouching for me. almost hand-crafted, that every part fit perfectly after years of Truly obscure motorcycle parts, spanning sixty years of refinement. It started on first kick. It blapped to life then purred. production, hung everywhere like big game trophies. Instead of That image of homeless-looking Wendel, an outcast to most of rhino heads, there were Vincent gas tanks, full wheel skirts to society, smiling broadly and propped next to an immaculate bike Indians, stuff I’d only seen in museums and coffee table books. has stuck with me all these years. The man I was there to see looked like one of the bad guys from Make the best thing that you can. Let that thing – be it music, a Mad Max, but in retirement. Sleeves of bled-out tattoos, fingers that motorbike, a magazine, a bookstore – do all the roaring for you. looked like they’d been burned, flash frozen, then etched with And never, ever, apologize of how good it looks and sounds if you grease. His skin looked like leather thrown out the back of a truck, made with your own two hands from the ground up. –Todd AD DEADLINE FOR ADVERTISING STIPULATIONS ISSUE #19 • All ads are black and white. February 1st, 2004 • Make ads the right size and orientation. AD DEADLINE FOR ISSUE #20 • We don’t reserve ad space. April 1st, 2004 (no joke) • Send good laser prints for the ads. Use solely black ink on all art. Do not output your ad on a EMAIL OR MAIL US bubble jet printer even if it looks black and FOR THE RATES AND DETAILS white. • All photos must be halftoned using a 85 LPI AD SIZES (85 line screen). • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. • If we need to invoice you, we won’t run your • Half page, 7.5” wide, 5” tall. ad until we have the cash on hand, so make • Quarter page, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. those arrangements before the ad deadline. • Sixth page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. • So on, so forth. Yep. • Please make all checks out to Razorcake. Razorcake and razorcake.com are tasered, tamed, and tagged by Sean Carswell, Todd Taylor, Josh Lane, Megan Pants, Skinny Dan, ktspin and Felizon Vidad Razorcake is distributed by Big Top Newstand Services, 2729 Mission St., Ste.201, SF, CA 94110, [email protected] Cover designed by Rev. Nørb; photo by Todd Taylor Sean <[email protected]> Nardwuar <[email protected]> Todd <[email protected]> Designated Dale <[email protected]> The Y and a pileup at a sobriety Rich Mackin <[email protected]> Rhythm Chicken <[email protected]> checkpoint in a tiny garage. Thank you list: Receiving crazy answering machine messages thanks to Julia Smut for her cover help. Leaving crazy answering machine messages thanks to Nørb for designing the cover. Let me get some people to start working so I can sit here and draw thanks to Art Fuentes and Dan Monick for last-minute help with graphics. How can somebody possibly draw that detailed with a ballpoint pen thanks to Rob Ruelas for illustrating Designated Dale’s column. Fuck you, Dale. Sorry about taking a picture of you in a Jack Daniel’s shirt while you were drunk and then printing said picture in a magazine thanks to Scott Carswell. Gargling with gasoline, piss, and thumbtacks thanks to Gavin O’Neill for the Bar Feeders interview. Taking pictures of other pictures thanks to Speedway Randy for his Nicole Panter interview. Two Nina Hagen references in one issue thanks to Heela Naqshband for her Fly interview. Just padding your resume thanks to Aphid Peewit, Donofthedead, Greg Barbera, Mike Beer, Wanda Sprag, Cuss Baxter, Toby Tober, Jimmy Alvarado, and Miss Namella J. Kim for their reviews of miscellaneous entertainment media. www.razorcake.com *• PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 Issue #18, February/March 2004 “Losin’ braincells fast and I think my liver’s crackin’” –From the song “O.O.C. in the U.S.A.” by the Y Nardwuar The Human Serviette ..... Who Are You? ............................ pg. 4 Art ........................................................... Shizzville!! ............................. pg. 9 Money .................................................... Lazy Mick ......................................... pg. 10 Designated Dale .................................. I’m Against It ........................pg. 12 The Rhythm Chicken .................. The Dinghole Reports ....................... pg. 16 Rich Mackin .................................. The Twisted Balloon ..................... pg. 18 Gary Hornberger .......................... Squeeze My Horn ............................... pg. 22 Sean Carswell ......................... A Monkey to Ride the Dog ....................... pg. 26 Seth Swaaley..................... Swinging Door Conversations ...................pg. 28 Rev. Nørb ............................................... Love, Nørb .................................. pg. 30 Maddy .............................................. Shiftless When Idle .................. pg. 38 Ben Snakepit ......................................... Snakepit ......................................... pg. 39 ***** Bar Feeders .................... Interview by Gavin O’Neill ......................... pg. 40 Nicole Panter ............ Interview by Speedway Randy and Todd Taylor .... pg. 44 Sweet J.A.P. ..................... Interview by Todd Taylor .................... pg. 50 No Idea .......................... Interview by Sean Carswell .......................................... pg. 56 Fly .................... Interview by Heela Naqshband and Todd Taylor ........... pg. 62 Weirdos ................................ Interview by Money ................................... pg. 66 Dan Monick Photo Page ........ The Mean Fucking Reds ......... pg. 71 ***** Record Reviews ................. Like a Retard Caught in Traffic .................... pg. 72 Zine Reviews .............. 64 Pages Worth of Crappy Job Stories .......... pg. 96 Book Reviews .......... And Then Some Stuff Happened and It Was Fucked Up and Yeah ....... pg. 102 Video Reviews .. Greasy Hair, Dirty Fingernails, and Lots of Hangovers ..... pg. 104 Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the US. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the US and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake solely via Left Bank Books, 92 Pike St., Seattle, WA 98101, who have a book-for-prisoners program. Want to distribute Razorcake in the United States? The minimum order is five issues. You have to prepay. For $7.50, you’ll receive five copies of the same issue, sent to you when we do our mailout to all of our distros, big and small. Email <[email protected]> for all the details. RR AA UU DWW RRD OUU?? AA WWHHOO AARREE YYO NN DOA NARDWUAR THE HUMAN SERVIETTE VS. BEV DAVIES Bev Davies is a fabulous photographer from started posing I said, “Okay, that’s it. I got what background and Annabella is wearing some very Vancouver BC, Canada who has amassed an I want” and I left. expensive clothing, right? amazing amount of incredibly cool pictures over Nardwuar: What’s interesting about this photo, Bev Davies: Yeah, it was probably not that the years.