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Intermittens 2 Elements of New Discordia DIARRHEA DISCORDIA VOLUME 2 ERMITTENS! T W IN IE R: RV ZA TE LA IN SA ING K O K UC RIC RY DF EN AR IN S E L A M AN TH F OR Y O M THE ELEMENTS OF NEW DISCORDIA M OR FEATURING PIECES BY TO F D! NA NG R Cain A KI WO EA SS Rev. What's­His­Name? BR RO AIL C Manta Obscura J IAN RD vexati0n CO M: IS NIS D IA G! ...and more! RD IN CO TH IS CH D SU S! NO ION AT TR US ILL S! ! AG S SP AD AL ON RS PE NEW COLUMNS! Speaking As A Mother: A Guide to Holiday Gifts for the Kids by Jenne and Khara Discordian Whoroscopes by Manta Obscura INTERMITTENS VOL. 2 (k) 2008, 2009 PDCOM, INC. ALL RIGHTS REVERSED UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION ENCOURAGED,. hen I read the first issue of Intermittens, a project with which I was completely unaffiliated aWt the time of its publication, I realized that my INTERMITTENS! friends at PDCOM were on to something. In the Discordia: A Historical Perspective time since the Black Iron Prison booklet and its ......................................................4 Enrico Salazar featuring Larry King various spinoffs were produced, we had been ......................................................5 plagued by countless false starts on new projects. The New Chart We couldn't really get anything off the presses, ......................................................7 and it was frustrating because many of us had Scrapbook 1 plenty to say, it just wasn't materializing into ......................................................9 anything very satisfying. Jailbreaking for Morans .....................................................11 But then Intermittens struck, pretty much Building Blocks: An Allegory in 3 Parts without warning, and it was more than just a 30­ ....................................................12 page compilation of recent Discordian literature. Speaking as a Motherr Although it covered lots of topics, it was ....................................................13 somehow coherent and self­contained. It was Whoroscopes what I thought had been sorely lacking in ....................................................16 Discordianism, or at least my corner of it, for too DISCORDIAN Whoroscopes long: an tangible expression of popular ....................................................17 DISCORDIA: A Brief Critique Discordian culture. ....................................................18 STFU With Your Hippie Shit! Of course, since I was so impressed by this ....................................................20 project, I promptly latched onto it and declared State of a Union (?) my editorship for this, second installment of ....................................................22 Intermittens. Hopefully, it doesn't turn out to be Memo from Ramses just a bad sequel. I've taken a lot of time and ....................................................23 invested a lot of effort into making this issue Barbed Wire more than a laem copy of the last one. Great ....................................................24 moments can never really be replicated anyway, HORRORMIRTH! Current Events especially in Discordia. ....................................................25 Discordianism: NO SUCH THING! The focus for this volume of "Diarrhea Discordia" ....................................................26 is on what comes close to defining the indefinite Discordian Crossword Puzzle "Discordianism." You'll find some pieces dealing ....................................................28 Personal Ads directly and specifically with our little movement ....................................................29 but you won't find any simple answers here. The Rebirth of the Discordian Movement Discordianism can be just about anything to ....................................................30 anyone, but I've included examples here that I The Last Page think share some impossible to define quality ....................................................32 that highlights the spirit of Discordia. ­­ vexati0n, 3 Editor, Vol. 2 DISCORDIA A Historical Perspective It is often said that laughter is the best impression. If people are crying, it will medicine. Indeed, during times of epic break the monotony of gloom and fail such as the one we are currently distress. about to embark on, scarcely anything Discordianism, of course, is more than a besides The Giggles provides a reason well­timed joke. Sometimes it is a badly­ to keep breathing. As empires collapse, timed joke, and sometimes it isn't funny liberties vanish, and cruel new realities at all. It is many things; it is almost arise, the ensuing chaos can reach impossible to define, in fact, but I would levels of absurdity and discomfort that say that the idea of Discordianism is first are hard for even the most experienced a rejection of the status quo, but more and lulz­hardened soul to weather. directly, it is a concerted, conscious, and successful effort to remain disconnected These periods of civil uncertainty or from the status quo. unrest, when the cycle of human events rolls through the darker and more The initial disconnection from the status unsightly neighborhoods of history, are quo is far more achievable when it takes by necessity the most fertile breeding the form of giving people something to ground for Discordianism. Obviously, it is look forward to, rather than giving them easier for more people to be disgruntled reason to doubt some already satisfying and disgusted by the Way Things Are, bliss. when things are actually bad. But more than that, a descent into collective Question Everything. When you are madness is like a gigantic pot of soup, in down, question the part of your brain that that it boils cabbages. insists that things cannot get better. That is the duty of a fully functioning In both good times and bad times, Discordian Society operating in a society Discordians are irreverent, subversive, full of people deranged by worry and and unsettled. But aside from a few stressed to their limits by attempting to exceptional cases, it is really only during meet impossible standards that make no the bad times that these traits find sense in the first place. themselves in agreement. A society experiencing a widespread period of It was never the intention of mourning is one which is looking wildly Discordianism to make no sense, but for distraction and consolation: it is only rather to show how the Status Quo is the introspective, depressed and dimly­lit crazy; how it is the daily grind that makes society which can be illuminated. no sense; and how much easier it is to do that when the insanity of the Status If people are laughing anyway, telling Quo is tangibly resulting in the misery of them a joke will not make much of an billions. 4 ENRICO SALAZAR ISN'T EXACTLY A NICE GUY. But despite exaustion and jet lag, he managed to charm the pants off Larry King this weekend on the CNN talk show host's interview show. Read carefully and keep this article around, because it isn't often you'll get to see the ex­ dictator of Salazore being so soft and gentle. KING: Enrico Salazar, former leader of the island nation SALAZAR: Eh? of Salazore is with us tonight­­ KING: Sorry, that was just a little joke. Some Salazorian SALAZAR: Generalissimo, pig. humor, if you will. KING: Generalissimo, ok. Sorry. Generalissimo Enrico SALAZAR: Enrico will not. Was not joke, was Salazar is with us tonight­­ embarrassment. You are real journalist? SALAZAR: Generalissimo Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar, KING: Not really. Ok, let's get down to politics. Would thank you very much, pig. Is respect. you have done what President Bush did? Would you have sent troops in to Iraq that quickly? KING: Generalissimo Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar. Sorry. Generalissimo Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar is with us SALAZAR: Troops are for pussy. Enrico would have put tonight, fresh from a stint as a judge on So You Think You together small group of like­minded mammy­jammers Can Sing. Do you enjoy music, Enrico? Can I call you armed to skin of teeth, burrowed underground and come Enrico? up in f*cker's toilet. Make shish­kabob of him. What you think happened to Jimmy Hoffa? SALAZAR: You can call me anything you want, snuggle­ undies. Just don't call Enrico 'late to bed'. (chuckles) KING: Are you saying you had something to do with the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa? KING: Ok, I won't. SALAZAR: Who is Jimmy Hoffa? SALAZAR: Was joke, swine. No sense of humor you don't have? Laugh. KING: One of the things we were talking about during the break ­­ a lot of people wonder what do you talk about KING: I'm laughing, Enrico. So do you? during the break ­­ we were talking about one of the most difficult things about being a politician is dealing with all SALAZAR: Does Enrico what? the death. And a lot of people have fun with you, comics have had fun with you. Is that for you frustrating to know KING: Do you enjoy music. that you've tried to do your best and yet are portrayed in the media as a monster? SALAZAR: This is question you ask great political leader? You American swine, in Enrico's homeland you would be SALAZAR: No. Is funny. The Monster was Enrico's hanged by eyelids. But, yes, Enrico loves the music. He momo's nickname for him when he was little maggot. often sings Stooge's Funhouse while doing dishes. Some people should die, that's just unconscious knowledge. KING: Who is Dishes? 5 KING: Anyone in particular? (laughs) ENRICO SALAZAR: FUN FACTS! SALAZAR: You, Larry. (laughs) But, seriously, you should die. Enrico Salazar is the author of his three irrelevant autobiographies, Splooge! The KING: How is your health? Confessions of Cockeyed Sperm­Sponge, Did Someone Say Gorgeous?, The Big Boink, and SALAZAR: Enrico has the constitution of a Doberman. is rumoured to be working on a book for children, tentatively entitled Do Like This, Slut! KING: Ann Coulter was telling me a few months back, and we may never have known this, how close you came to He is said to have been literally born with a dying. She said three times close. knife between his teeth, something not entirely uncommon on the island of Salazore; SALAZAR: That was when Enrico was shot.
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