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Corporate Corporate rockers: Lady Gaga and her fellow aresuperstars being offered impressive-sounding day jobsat big companies. Talk d t Edi e d BY d june/july 2011 /

Tony Magnusson Tony .com.AU / 151 inspired Moonwalker game became a cult C e l e b r i t y classic.) And in 1997, Apple instituted a program called AppleMasters, soliciting product feedback vp of gaga from a varied group of famous users, including By Steven Levy Lauren Bacall, Sinbad and Jennifer Jason Leigh. But even as will.i.am and Lady Gaga get their new parking spots, there are growing questions about whether the halo of celebrity is being corporations are no replaced by the imprimatur of those closer to us. longer just enlisting A central premise of social networking — and a pillar of a lot of monetisation plans — is the celebrities to flog their belief that we are more interested in the products. they’re now preferences of our friends and family than the giving them fancy job fetishes of the rich and famous. If your friend titles and a say in the ‘likes’ a product on Facebook, it can show up as Genomic philanthropy: After discovering he had a 20-80 per cent chance of developing Parkinson’s, production process. an endorsement in your News Feed. On a visit ’s immediately began funding to Facebook, you might learn which set of car research into that disease. speakers your cousin Larry recommends. Will he first months of 2011 haven’t been the this supplant the celebrity model? odds are I’ll never develop Type 2 diabetes or greatest for Intel. The semi-conductor Not a chance. No company will ever brag multiple sclerosis. My IQ and episodic memory Tgiant began the year with the discovery about “bass by cousin Larry”. Nor will a chip- fall into the “typical” range. Although I’m of 99 that a new chip installed in thousands of ready- maker elevate a civilian, even one with savvy per cent European extraction, my mother’s to-ship computers had a serious flaw. Then and a big Twitter following, to a formal people belong to J, which arose in Nokia decided to scuttle its plan to implement innovation post. The bet behind the celebrity- the Middle East 45,000 – 50,000 years ago. On an Intel-based system called MeeGo in favour of executive trend is that, at worst, hiring an icon my dad’s side I’m Haplogroup R1b1b2a1a2f, a new line of phones built around Microsoft’s will garner publicity and make employees feel which most likely formed in Turkey about 20,000 Windows Phone 7. more excited about their companies. At best, the years ago during the last Ice Age. But don’t cry for Intel. On January 25, the brands might actually benefit from the creativity How do I know all this? Did I subject myself to company announced that it had retained the and self-promotional flair that made those weeks of medical testing and spend countless services of a new ‘director of creative celebrities famous in the first place. Salespeople hours researching my genealogy? Well, no. innovation’ — will.i.am. Deborah Conrad, Intel and marketers at the event where Intel I spat into a vial, mailed it off for testing, then VP and chief marketing officer, handed the Black introduced will.i.am went bananas when their logged on to a website a month later to have the Eyed Pea his employment badge at an internal new innovation officer held up a microprocessor mysteries of my genetic code laid bare. sales and marketing convention. “It’s imperative and told them how such chips infused his music In 2003, the three billion DNA letters in the that Intel and our innovations are kept in front and changed his life. human genome were sequenced. Five years later, of the global youth culture that embraces new If that extra love helps Intel’s bottom line, by which time the cost of testing had dropped to devices and new forms of communication and he’ll have earned his badge. a mass-marketable level, Anne Wojcicki, wife of entertainment,” she said in a press release. On Google co-founder Sergey Brin, pioneered ‘retail a company blog, one employee speculated that ’, launching a company called 23andMe Intel would benefit from will.i.am’s belief that, (named for the 23 pairs of chromosomes in a “When you are truly inspired/magic happens/ g e n o m i c s normal human cell). In 2008, for US$399, incredible things happen/love happens.” 23andMe customers could have 600,000 of their So that’s why Intel screwed up the Cougar testing genetic markers identified, thus obtaining Point chipsets — not enough love! estimates of their predisposition to 90 traits and As tech companies look to rap artists for their times conditions, ranging from baldness to blindness. wisdom and insight, this push for something By Nigel Bowen Soon enough, other ‘’ deeper than the standard celebrity endorsement companies, including an Australian outfit, is becoming the rule. The lecture schedule at Lumigenix, sprung up offering similar tests. Google boasts a roster that Conan O’Brien would IF the experts are right, Romain Bonjean, CEO of Lumigenix, says he’s envy. Katy Perry was a recent guest at Within the next five had only a few hundred customers — mainly Facebook. And Lady Gaga is now a creative years we’ll all know our well-heeled professionals with a pre-existing director at Polaroid. interest in genetics — since he launched his Headphone engineers wrestling with genetic make-up. But are company in January but believes he’s getting in frequency response and acoustic dynamics are we ready for the truth on the ground floor of something huge. apparently starting to draw on the technical and of who we really are? “The genotyping and sequencing market was creative feedback of performers like Ludacris, Dr worth $500 million last year. It’s predicted to be Dre and, again, Lady Gaga. Headphone worth $15 billion in 2014,” he says. “It now costs manufacturer Monster even claims that f it’s not too much information, there are about $14,000 to sequence an individual’s entire basketball player LeBron James’ input influenced a few things I’d like to share. I’m at greater genome. Some say that within five years it will its line of Beats earphones. None of this is new. Ithan normal risk of developing several be $100. Once that happens, everyone will be I remember when Michael Jackson visited Atari bowel-related diseases, of going bald and of sequenced. Today’s testing is like the first Apple in the early ’80s, presumably to look for having one or both of my balls lopped off. On Mac — it’s cool but it’s about to get a lot cooler. opportunities to turn his creative vision into a the bright side, I have only an average chance Mass testing has the potential to obliterate videogame. (He later went to Sega, whose Jacko- of getting lung, prostate or colon cancer and the recessive genetic diseases like cystic fibrosis.”

152 / .com.AU/june/july 2011 “Everyone in the genetics field has been told they are likely to develop is just the tip of surprised at how quickly the field has moved the double helix when it comes to the ethical s e x and how slowly the uptake has followed,” says issues that will be thrown up when DNA testing renowned geneticist Professor Bob Williamson. takes off. There are one million healthy carriers “But testing is literally getting cheaper by the of the recessive gene for cystic fibrosis in QUID PRO month and everyone is interested in things Australia. Should they be “strongly passed down through families; everyone wants discouraged” from having children with each FELLATIO By Kelly Oxford to avoid having a child with a serious disease.” other? If they choose to do so, do they still have So can we really start breeding out diseases? the right to expect the rest of the community to “We already have.” fund their child’s care if it has cystic fibrosis? What? Is it then only a matter of time until men and Want to take the sex “In the ’70s, in Cyprus, everyone had to be women start comparing DNA data on first dates in your relationship to tested to see if they were a carrier of a severe and ruling out those who are insufficiently new heights? Then it’s hereditary anemia called Thalassemia. If they genetically blessed? time to put sexual were, they were strongly discouraged from The ancestry aspect of these tests comes favours on the table marrying another carrier and, if they did, fraught with its own dilemmas. For example, and start negotiating. they were pushed to have prenatal testing. what happens to a person’s sense of identity Thalassemia was eliminated within a generation.” when they discover their clan’s history is a As soon as a market in what was labelled fairytale? “Every ethnic group thinks it’s more n the beginning, every serious romantic ‘recreational genomics’ emerged, politicians and pure than it is,” observes Professor Williamson. entanglement is an electric, superconducting, regulators were all over it, outlawing employers “When you look into any family history, you Isteamy, fleshy hump festival. New sex partner and insurance companies from engaging in always find there’s some Portuguese seaman or = new sex, and new sex = lots of sex. That’s sex genetic discrimination and casting African slave who somehow got maths. You’re in the kitchen making pasta sauce a generally disapproving eye over into the family and left their — bam! — you’re having sex on the floor. You’re the industry. In Australia, the genetic trademark behind.” parking the car in the garage — bam! — you’re Therapeutic Goods Administration In the TV series Faces of having sex in the car. But inevitably, invariably, is keeping a close watch on the America, which aired on SBS it wears off. Soon all your conversations, once so industry and operators such as earlier this year, Desperate filled with erotic promise, are about bills and Lumigenix are treading carefully. Housewives’ Eva Longoria, who barfy kids and how that swollen knee makes “Though we could, we are not identifies as Mexican-American, your leg look like Zach Galifianakis’. testing for diseases, such as early discovered she was 70 per cent Then, one night, she’s sitting next to you on the onset Alzheimer’s, some breast DNA testing in the European, 27 per cent Asian and couch when she turns to you and says, “Man, cancer markers or Huntington’s real world is a lot 3 per cent African and that she I really want a Slurpee.” Meaning, of course: disease, where your genotype less glamorous shares an ancestor with Chinese- “Will you go to the 7-Eleven and get me gives you a near certainty of than on cop shows. American cellist Yo-Yo Ma. (Oprah a Slurpee?” But by now you’re way past the white After abstaining getting that disease,” Lumigenix from eating, Winfrey, having once proclaimed knight stage of the relationship, so you don’t CEO Romain Bonjean says. drinking and she was descended from Zulus, budge. And then it occurs to her. “Will you get me “That’s significant, life- smoking for 30 was reportedly devastated when a Slurpee if I give you a blow job?” minutes, you fill a changing information and should vial with saliva. DNA testing proved she wasn’t.) And everything goes silent for a moment. Then involve genetic counselling. Our So how long until an she raises her eyebrows and does that blowie- focus is on more common diseases enterprising uni student discovers pantomime thing with her tongue inside her that have environmental influence, that you can he has Aboriginal heritage and argues he should cheek. The one she hasn’t done since, oh, month take steps to prevent.” be entitled to Abstudy? What happens when four of the relationship. With a single gesture, an That’s an approach Professor Bob Williamson someone finds out they’re part of a race they arousing new world has busted open. You are — has little time for. “I can’t understand why consider inferior? We’ll find out soon enough, let’s face it — whoring, but with a safe, committed people wouldn’t be given information about but Professor Williamson is sanguine. “People partner. In no time, you’re trading tricks for trips Alzheimer’s. Ninety per cent of them will can maintain their culture while recognising to the dry-cleaner. You’re making dinner for the discover that they have a very low risk of their genetic heritage is much broader than the kids and later that night you’re coming twice. developing it. The 10 per cent who are at high single culture they identify with.” The negotiation process quickly becomes its risk can delay its onset by staying physically As for me, after a month of fantasising about own thrill. But know the terrain, boys. Example: and mentally active, as well as make choices the possibility of having an exotic great- your woman proposes that you pick up a box of about things such as drawing up a living will.” grandparent or predisposition to a fascinating ice-cream sandwiches, a copy of Vogue Australia The issue of what diseases people should be medical condition, I found the results of my own and a bottle of OPI nail lacquer (in Pink-A-Doodle test — that I was as white bread as I’d feared colour) in exchange for a three-position sex and could look forward to nothing more exciting session. Analysis: that’s not a good deal. than testicular cancer — a tad anti-climactic. Renegotiate. For that price, she’ll also put on “today’s testing “Ninety-five per cent of the time, the test isn’t those thigh-high stockings. And trust me, this is is like the first going to turn up anything significant,” Professor fun for her, too. A gentle spanking in exchange apple mac. It’s Williamson consoles me. “But if you are one for taking out the garbage during a rainstorm? of the five per cent that’s affected by a severe A brief experimentation with a ball gag for two cool but it’s genetic disease, or a disease that’s partly genetic, weeks of laundry? All this can be yours. about to get a getting that information in time to do something Sex bartering has been a part of my married life lot cooler.” about it will be one of the most important things for so long that it’s hard to believe there are that will ever happen to you.” couples who haven’t thought of this yet. Now

june/july 2011 / .com.AU / 153 154 154 / rest of his life with me. and all he had to do in exchange was spend the unspoken: he could have whatever he wanted, libido. Our deal later that night was simple and Watching her eye-grope him recharged my and the waitress withflirted him shamelessly. it. Last month my man and I were out to dinner, sometimes it roars back when you least expect turned bloodless and one-sided. in kinky air quotes, that the whole game has are the first signthat your ‘deals’are no longer creep in. Number two: no reneging. Back-outs vanilla ice-cream is not cool. Resentment will do the reverse cowgirl, dangling a tub of French interested in trying. If she doesn’t really want to agree to sex acts that you’re both actually the wax. But what the hell fun is that? Yes, I could’ve just bought the bag and skipped Among other things, I agreed to a Brazilian wax. second child turned mine into a paint canvas. was over a handbag that I wanted after our biggest ‘deals’ my husband and I ever ‘closed’ getting fucked for hours tonight.’ One of the widowed so young.’ Instead I think, ‘That guy’s longer think, ‘What a cool dad’ or ‘How sad — young children and no mother in sight, I no when I see a father at the water park with three housework. arguing about the lots more fun than Striking sex deals is hard: Negotiating Sexual heat in a marriage is a funny thing; There are ground rules. Number one: only . com.AU /june/july 2011 advanced variant on standing rear entry — make the the fight… movements, at least), preferably fresh from to be strong and you’ve got to be fast (in your position, a real Goliath experience, but you’ve got Jack Black than Matt Damon. It’s an intense, deep abs lack strength, or your aerobic capacity is more First up, let me warn you off the booster seat if your email by LG, • with an open mind. for modern lovers new, ahem, ball game bacchanals – it’s a whole and B Newman Rebecca By hardcore going S

Is the ‘booster seat’ a position worth trying? iting, booster-seating If you think you’re equal to the booster seat — an k n i r h s x e bunga bunga bunga bunga

holding her will send her to the stars. Lucky girl. than that, though, the primeval feeling of your connecting stratospherically with her G-spot. More penetration, with the length of your shaft thrust, you lift her up and down on your cock. will be supporting her), and at the same time as you that is how she will be, only there is no chair — you angle in front of her (imagine she’s sitting in a chair; lift her hips towards you until her legs are in a right unfasten your fly — but instead oftaking her doggy, skirt. By now she should be aroused, wet, so feet on the cushions. Take off her coat. Lift her turn her round so that she faces the wall with her she doesn’t. on, lift her round your waist. Unlock the door and, before you turn the lights trousers so she knows just how excited you are. stocking tops in the cab, placing her hand on your the part in an exquisitely tailored suit. we’re talking martinis, low light — with you looking whole evening a performance. Meet in a sleek bar — lovers, are far more fahionable. Easy and open relationships, with one or several organised group activity hung with a tawdry air. altogether, but Berlusconi’s activities have left believed). That’s not to say that orgies are over cannibalism, if some etymologies are to be that has unhappy roots in sexual assault and predilection for emulate the dye-jobbed Italian premier’s It would be a brave or foolish man who chose to email by JB, now a little passé? • double force…” Sounds like fun, no? forcibly, she should angrily do the same to him with your overtures: “When a man bites a woman text also encourages her to respond — harder — to well on the small of her back and the throat. The jewels’ for the marks you will leave, which work teeth and your lips, which are known as the ‘line of recommended to be tried on the lower lip. you press with only two teeth — both teeth are exerting pressure, and the ‘point’, when ‘swollen bite’, when both your upper and lower type of marks that will be left on your lover’s skin. body is most suitable for each kind of bite, and the teeth to be used, the pressure, which part of the biting, articulating details such as the number of attention it so richly deserves. biting as an erotic manoeuvre is not given the For a technique so readily available to every lover, email by JO, • After Silvio Berlusconi’s antics, are orgies My darling likes to be bitten. Any tips? The unusual angle affords deliciouslysatisfying Carry her over to the sofa, put her down and ‘Ah,’ she thinks, ‘I know what’s coming.’ But On the way home, slide your hand up her On which note, a new vibrator from Lelo is Or to stronger bites, where you chew with your Explore her reaction to gentle nips, such as the The

Kama Sutra Kama bunga bunga bunga lists eight differentstyles of (a phrase, by the way,

illustration zohar lazar. P h o t o g r a p hy john clark. ($149, lelo.com). in the shape of a Lelo Tor vibrating cock ring full you may also wish to add clitoral stimulation don’t both end up sliding to the ground. her in missionary, holding her hips tight so you shoulders and head tilted off the side; you mount her back by having her lie on the bed with her might also recreate the same bow-shaped bend in the small of her back on a stack of pillows. You forwards and back. You simply watch and enjoy. herself on her feet and shoulders, she rocks shoulders are touching the bed. Supporting (known as ‘Asian showgirl’). the most of what is already a glorious position her feet on the floor — and perhaps pauses to make position’, on which I’ll take a moment to elaborate. recommends ‘the bow’, aka the ‘widely opened decent distillation of the original text. Sutra Kama Richard Emerson’s recently published softly lit erotic manuals. Of the many out there, twisted and defiled by a potpourri generation of handbook, its innate magnificence has been While email by MR, recommend a passable copy? or so abridged the text is castrated. Can you and full of oblique references to jade caves, editions are either god-awfully illustrated • f the toy, or use it to press against her G-spot. difference to the ease with which you can rotate thrust. The shape makes a surprisingly large things, you can continue to grasp it while you much your mind (or body) is engaged in other much lube you use, how much she comes, how bored through the fatter end, so no matter how It is shaped like an elongated apostrophe. A hole is well-measured vibration patterns ($199, lelo.com). silicone finish, and its motors produce a series of from Lelo’s new Insignia range has a smooth several kinds of pleasure all at once. The Isla vibe multiple partners, where you are concentrating on singularly well suited to situations involving The rapscallion: Italian or I’m interested by In this last position, since you’ll have your hands If she has let her yoga class slip, she might rest She then leans back until her head and You kneel on the floor. Shestraddles you, with Among the positions it describes, it rightly Definitely worth consideration. m ore appetite for appetite The Kama Sutra Kama The

s izz (Carlton Books, $25) presents a l i n g g bunga bunga bunga bunga se

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is the ultimate sexual Even at 74, Silvio Berlusconi’s s g o t o hasn’t hasn’t flagged. gq.c o m.au The New New The , but

no c personal brand. magnet and build your so want your guidance. time-poor enthusiasts Simon By c W ‘curator’ when it is clear that they in are dealing com sniffed, themselves“Anyone a calling blogger at newcurator.journal the arts British in aspring, post titled hijack.etymological Last unhappy this with the like”. And in are fact many traditionalists in ofcharge of a library, gallery museum, art, or Oxford English Dictionary adistortion flagrant of a professionthatthe title of an inventor or maybe curator.” “If I had to be defined atpoint this takethe I’ll And on Twitter, Kanye West recently declared: Sydney Opera House, from May 27 to June 5. year’s this ‘curating’ festival Vividat LIVE the Stephen Pavlovic of Modular People is and the US. Closer to home, music impresario Tomorrow’s music Parties festivals in the UK Lips haveFlaming ‘curated’ All the annual Hipster bands such as Belle &and the Sebastian back in February. The term is everywhere. ‘curated’ a music show on televisionBritish du jour — even for DJs, like Mark Ronson, who A e r u t l u All this self-aggrandisement this might All seem ur B e ecome a cultural met was a DJ. Now ‘curator’ is the job seemed like every other person you it round ofthe turn the millennium, w ’ D Curating cool: re umenco a t You Are Not a Curator o a establish yourself as an expert and you could have a whole new career. definesas “the officer r ll s

, a class ofclass andfinderschoosers now morethan clientslikewith GEandfirm Pepsi. a Undercurrent, New York digital-strategy acumen intocuratorial his the launch of buying things”.around He later parlayed ofquantity decisions people have to make was a ofkind business, because of the sheer com, curated “thatafter realising consumption blog,design-and-culture influential JoshSpear. Josh things,” explains Spear, who launched his sought-after sort ofexpertise. a with him much- imparting discernment, with Ford. His ‘personal brand’ became associated to MTV,gigs with consulting W Hotels and inspiration” (music, movies, design, travel), led when Holiday Matinee, “bloghis for creative Dave Brown discovered the power of picking for those who excel at ofkind this curation. you have on offer.” apexthe rangethrough ofcultural shoes removed… you have not reached some should merchandise have thumbs their and more economic payback.” be there morewill Rosenbaum, “I think people who get good at early,” this says make clear, there can be other “For rewards. everyone be paying attentionwill to you. who and what to pay attention to, and soon new best friend.’” Excel at exactly selecting curate it for you.’ We’re like, ‘OK, you’re my Are who say, you’re thing ‘This interested in? I will Consumers Where Creators World a in Win to author of the new book being overwhelmed,” says Steven Rosenbaum, available to consumers. “Nobody revels in minute or the endless supply of niche products hours of video uploaded to YouTube each everyone has become a creator. Consider the 24 ever, because we’re in aliving world where You couldthat weargue needemerging this web“The democratised the toability spot Maybe not, but there are plenty of benefits And, And, as Brown’s and Spear’s trajectories . “And so we looking for start people june/july 2011 / Curation Nation: How How Nation: Curation

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