3. Couple Formation and Sexual Relationships

3. Couple formation and sexual relationships Sexual relationships are always analogous with being part of a couple. At least they require that an individual finds a partner who is willing or agreeable to make love. Even a temporary sexual relationship is a relationship between two (or more) individuals. The motives, commitment and quality of relationships vary. The needs, opportunities and situations that are associated with couple formation are different for different people. Some are not in a couple relationship because they cannot find a suitable partner. Others do not want to be in a sexual relationship at a particular time. Someone else would prefer to have a regular partner, but continues to live alone nonetheless. Yet, another could not imagine being without a partner, and demands solid commitment to the relationship from both parties. Then, there is the person who would like to live with a steady partner but who retains the right to occasionally form other relationships. This list of differing desires and situations could go on. In this chapter, we will offer a summary of the development of couple formation in Finland from the early 1970s until the end of the 1990s. We will also ex- amine the form and quality of couple relationships in Finland and its neighboring countries. Then, we will study the kinds of relationships people have wanted, and the extent to which they have succeeded in making their wishes come true. The chapter will also report the number of marriage or cohabitation relationships that people have entered into in their lifetimes, the number of sexual partners, and the proportion of people who have sought various parallel relationships. Finally, based on the permanent life choices made by our respondents, we will draft lifetime sexual relationship types. Current forms of couple relationships Marriage, cohabitation, living apart together (LAT), and living single Western Christian culture has upheld the ideal of ‘no sex before marriage’. This custom has basically disappeared: in 1999, only one percent of young Finnish women waited until becoming engaged or married to have sexual intercourse. 37 Sexual Trends in the Baltic Sea Area Nearly all Finns live with a spouse or partner at some point in their lives. Apart from the youngest age groups, the proportion of men and women who do so has ranged from 90 % to 95 %. Demographically, marriage surpasses cohabitation, being together but living apart, or living single as the most popular form of a couple relationship (Table 3.1). In 1999, every second 18–74-year-old Finn was married. The proportion of married people declined during the 1990s in all gender and age groups, except among older women. In Sweden, the proportion of married men and women was 48 % and in Estonia 41 %; in other words, lower than in Finland in 1999. Among St. Petersburg residents, 62 % of men but only 52 % of women were living with a spouse. One in three or four young respondents in Finland, Sweden and Estonia was living with a spouse, but in St. Petersburg as many as four in ten were living with a spouse. The result emulates the findings of a comparative study of Helsinki, the capital of Finland and St. Petersburg. According to it, 40 % of St. Petersburg’s 20–24-year-old women were living with a spouse, while the corresponding figure for female residents of Helsinki was only seven percent (Lankinen, 2000, 62). Cohabitation has become increasingly common in the Nordic countries since the late 1960s (Aromaa et al., 1981). At the end of the 1990s, one out of every six Finnish residents was cohabiting. The proportion of cohabiting individuals rose in Finland in the 1990s in all gender and age groups, with the exception of young men. Before, cohabitation as a relationship form was mainly a prelude to marriage, and therefore concentrated in youth. Now, cohabitation is common in other age groups too, though it is still most prevalent among people under 30. The high- est frequency of cohabitation among men occurs between ages 25–29, one-third of who were in a cohabiting relationship in 1999 (the same is true for women). For women, cohabitation occurs most frequently between ages 20–24; of this group nearly half were cohabiting. In Sweden and Estonia, the proportion of cohabiting people was higher than in Finland, one-fifth. In St. Petersburg, there was a much lower prevalence of Table 3.1 Type of present couple relationship (%) Men St. Women St. Type Peters- Peters- of couple Finland Finland Sweden Estonia burg Finland Finland Sweden Estonia burg relationship 1992 1999 1996 2000 1996 1992 1999 1996 2000 1996 Marriage 57 51 47 43 62 53 50 49 39 52 Cohabitation 13 15 20 20 8 13 17 20 20 7 LAT 11 16 10 15 12 12 14 10 13 11 Single 19 18 23 23 18 22 19 22 28 30 Total 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 (N) 1100 687 1468 768 394 1142 725 1332 615 115 38 3. Couple formation and sexual relationships cohabitation compared with the Nordic countries and Estonia. Only eight percent of St. Petersburg men and seven percent of women were living with a partner without being married. Cohabitation seems to be a relationship form favored more in the Nordic countries and Estonia than in St. Petersburg. Approximately one-fourth of the youngest age group (aged 18–34) were in a cohabiting relationship in Finland, Sweden and Estonia, but this was true of only one-tenth of St. Petersburg respondents. Among middle-aged Nordic and Estonian respondents, about 15 % had chosen to cohabit, while only six percent of those in St. Petersburg had opted similarly. In all the areas studied, a maximum of ten percent of the oldest age group (aged 55–74) were cohabiting. The proportion of people in relationships considered ‘living apart together’ (LAT) in Finland grew somewhat during the last decade: for men, the figure rose from 11 % to 16 %, and for women from 12 % to 14 %. Of all the partnership types, being together but living apart represents a growing trend. Approximately one-fifth of the youngest age group and more than one-tenth of the middle-aged group were in a steady relationship while living apart. Among people under 30, LAT was even more prevalent, but coincided with steady relationships while the partners were still living in parental homes. In Estonia, the proportion of those in steady relationships while living apart was the same as in Finland in 1999. In St. Petersburg and Sweden the proportion of people in steady relationships living apart was slightly lower. In 1999, approximately one in five Finns were living without a regular sexual relationship. When those who are together but live apart are added to this number, it becomes apparent that one in three Finns was not living with a spouse or cohabiting. The share of singles declined somewhat in Finland during the 1990s, with the exception of the oldest women born before 1932 and men born in 1927–1946, of whom more were now single (Figure 3.1). There were significantly more singles, i.e., people living without a regular sexual relationship, among the younger generation than among the middle-aged or older generations. Among people under 30, one in four were single in Finland. All of four out of ten young Swedish men were single, while their share in other groups of young people ranged between 20 % and 30 %. Compared with young people in the other regions, young Swedish males seemed more likely to shun sexual commitment. Among middle-aged Finns, a little more than one-tenth were single people without a regular sexual relationship. Half of all Finnish women 70 years or older were not in regular sexual relationships. Nearly one-third of women in St. Peters- burg and Estonia were single. Being single was more common in these areas than in Finland and Sweden. In all of the regions studied, the oldest women were more likely to be single than the oldest men. 39 Sexual Trends in the Baltic Sea Area Figure 3.1 Lives as a single Men 100 80 Sweden 1995 60 Finland 1992 40 Finland 1999 20 Estonia 2000 St. Petersburg 1996 Percent 0 1917-21 1927-31 1937-41 1947-51 1957-61 1967-71 1977-81 1922-26 1932-36 1942-46 1952-56 1962-66 1972-76 Birth cohort Women 100 80 Sweden 1996 60 Finland 1992 40 Finland 1999 20 Estonia 2000 St. Petersburg 1996 Percent 0 1917-21 1927-31 1937-41 1947-51 1957-61 1967-71 1977-81 1922-26 1932-36 1942-46 1952-56 1962-66 1972-76 Birth cohort 40 3. Couple formation and sexual relationships Half of all Finnish singles had been married or cohabited at one point in their lives. Six out of ten singles that had never been married or cohabited had had at least one sexual partner during their lifetime, and usually more. One-tenth of singles that had never been married or cohabited had had only one partner, one in three men and nearly half of women had had 2–9 partners, and one-third of men and slightly less than one fifth of women had had at least ten partners. Among all men and women, 2–3 % had had numerous sexual partners but had never moved in with anyone. In a comparison between age groups, marriage proved to be the life style of the middle-aged generation. Cohabiting was common among the young generation in Finland, Sweden and Estonia and – in Finland and Sweden – also among the middle-aged generation.

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