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" Doing" LAT: Redoing Gender and Family in Living Apart Together

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MIAMI UNIVERSITY The Graduate School Certificate for Approving the Dissertation We hereby approve the Dissertation of Denise R. Brothers Candidate for the Degree: Doctor of Philosophy ____________________________ Director Jennifer R. Bulanda, Ph.D. ____________________________ Reader Ronald E. Bulanda, Ph.D. ____________________________ Reader C. Lee Harrington, Ph.D. ____________________________ Reader Kathryn B. McGrew, Ph.D. ____________________________ Graduate School Representative M. Elise Radina, Ph.D. ABSTRACT “DOING” LAT: REDOING GENDER AND FAMILY IN LIVING APART TOGETHER RELATIONSHIPS IN LATER LIFE by Denise R. Brothers Current research on intimate relationships of older adults in the U.S. is predominantly focused on marriage. Furthermore, gender relations in later life relationships have historically been studied within long-term marital relationships, which show patterns of high gender conformance earlier in family life, especially with young children, and less so later in life. Demographic and socio- cultural changes are transforming the ways in which people partner across the life course, including later life. Women’s increasing education and workforce participation has helped alter family and household composition, giving rise to different partnership forms including cohabitation, divorce, remarriage, and living apart together (LAT), an intimate relationship in which the couple maintains separate residences. Very little is known about this type of relationship in the U.S. Using a life course framework I examine how gender is manifested in the formation and maintenance of LAT relationships in later life using social constructivism and the theory of gender as social structure. A grounded theory qualitative study with 13 women and 7 men age 59 to 89 reveals patterns of “doing” gender as well as “doing” family earlier in life. LAT relationships in later life appear to be an opportunity to “redo” family in an individualized way, with the men and women both valuing and maintaining the autonomy and freedom that comes in a life stage with lessening work and family responsibilities. Additionally, LAT allows the women in the study to continually “redo” gender by actively resisting doing gender in ways such as being submissive to men, catering to men’s needs and wants, and taking on caregiving duties. This study demonstrates how LAT meets the individualistic needs of both men and women in later life. It is also an intimate relationship that provides the opportunity to exercise agency to act outside of gender norms and expectations present in earlier life, especially for women. “DOING” LAT: REDOING GENDER AND REDOING FAMILY IN LIVING APART TOGETHER RELATIONSHIPS IN LATER LIFE A Dissertation Submitted to the Faculty of Miami University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Department of Sociology and Gerontology by Denise R. Brothers Miami University Oxford, Ohio 2015 Director: Dr. Jennifer Bulanda Table of Contents LIST OF TABLES ..................................................................................................................................... iv LIST OF FIGURES ..................................................................................................................................... v DEDICATION ........................................................................................................................................... vi ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ...................................................................................................................... vii CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION AND REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE ................................. 1 Guiding Frameworks for the Study of Gender, Age, and Relationships ........................................ 2 Life Course Perspective .............................................................................................................................................. 3 Social Construction Feminism: Gender as Social Structure ......................................................................... 5 Background Literature on Gender, Age, and Relationships ........................................................... 11 The Demography of Partnering: Historical Context and Social Changes in Partnering ................. 11 Gender and Relationships: Gender Ideology, Historical Context, and Social Roles ......................... 15 Gender and Repartnering: Agency ....................................................................................................................... 17 Potential Contribution to Existing Bodies of Knowledge ................................................................ 20 CHAPTER TWO: METHOD ................................................................................................................. 22 Qualitative Methodology ............................................................................................................................. 22 Grounded Theory ........................................................................................................................................... 23 Sampling in Grounded Theory .................................................................................................................. 25 Recruitment ..................................................................................................................................................... 27 Data Collection ................................................................................................................................................ 30 Data Analysis ................................................................................................................................................... 32 Researcher Perspective ............................................................................................................................... 35 CHAPTER THREE: FINDINGS ............................................................................................................ 38 HISTORICAL CONTEXT AND PREFORMATION STAGE ....................................................................... 41 Description of Participants and Salient Life Course Influences ............................................................... 41 Doing Gender and Doing Family: SNAF Lifestyle ........................................................................................... 48 CURRENT LIFE STAGE AND FORMATION OF LAT RELATIONSHIPS ............................................. 54 Redoing Family: Shifting Priorities From Family and Career to Self ..................................................... 54 Men’s Need for Social Connectors and Women’s Need for Separateness ............................................ 56 The Lack of Terminology for the LAT Relationship in U.S. ........................................................................ 58 Companionate Love: LAT as a Source for Care and Companionship in Later Life ........................... 60 CURRENT LIFE STAGE AND MAINTENANCE OF LAT RELATIONSHIPS......................................... 62 Individualized Relationship Qualities of LAT .................................................................................................. 63 ii Men and Finances: Doing Gender in Public and Redoing Gender in Private ...................................... 65 Women Maximizing Relationship Satisfaction by Minimizing Doing Gender ................................... 67 CHAPTER FOUR: DISCUSSION.......................................................................................................... 73 Gender and Relationships Earlier in Life: Doing Gender ................................................................ 74 Gender and Relationships in Later Life: Redoing Gender ............................................................... 75 LAT: Redoing Family as an Individualized Intimate Relationship ............................................... 77 The Life Course and LAT Relationships ................................................................................................. 79 Limitations and Recommendations for Future Research ............................................................... 81 Conclusions ...................................................................................................................................................... 85 REFERENCES .......................................................................................................................................... 87 APPENDICES .......................................................................................................................................... 93 Appendix A. Recruitment flyer ................................................................................................................. 93 Appendix B. Profile sheet ............................................................................................................................ 94 Appendix C. First interview guide............................................................................................................ 96 Appendix D. Second interview guide ...................................................................................................... 99 Appendix E. Third interview guide........................................................................................................ 100 Appendix F. Categories of concepts from initial data analysis ...................................................
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