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Ambivalence and Living Apart Together in Later Life: a Critical Research Proposal

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Ambivalence and Living Apart Together in Later Life: a Critical Research Proposal http://www.diva-portal.org Postprint This is the accepted version of a paper published in Journal of Marriage and Family. This paper has been peer-reviewed but does not include the final publisher proof-corrections or journal pagination. Citation for the original published paper (version of record): Connidis, I A., Borell, K., Ghazanfareeon Karlsson, S. (2017) Ambivalence and Living Apart Together in Later Life: A Critical Research Proposal. Journal of Marriage and Family, 79(5): 1404-1418 https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12417 Access to the published version may require subscription. N.B. When citing this work, cite the original published paper. Permanent link to this version: http://urn.kb.se/resolve?urn=urn:nbn:se:hj:diva-36741 Ingrid Arnet Connidis Western University Klas Borell Jönköping University∗ Sofie Ghazanfareeon Karlsson Mid Sweden University∗∗ Ambivalence and Living Apart Together in Later Life: A Critical Research Proposal Most unattached older persons who would like The intimate relationships of older persons in an intimate partnership do not want to remarry the Western world are characterized by continu- or be in a marriage-like relationship. A growing ity and change. Marriage still dominates, and, as trend is to live apart together (LAT) in an ongo- more individuals live longer and healthier lives, ing intimate relationship that does not include many marriages survive well into old age. Nev- a common home. We address the debate about ertheless, notable changes have occurred. In the whether LAT constitutes a new form of intimate past, older people were generally affected indi- relationship in a critical assessment of research rectly by contemporary shifts in intimate ties, on LAT relationships that applies ambivalence for example, by their adult children’s divorces and concepts from the life course perspective. (Cherlin & Furstenberg, 1986; Creasey, 1993). We conclude that among older but not younger Now, an increasing number of older persons, adults, LAT relationships are generally a stable especially the “young old” (65 to 74 years of alternative to living with a partner, negotiated age) are taking an active role in these processes in the context of current social institutions and (Connidis, 2010). The young old of today were arrangements. We propose research questions teenagers during the sexual revolution of the that address later life living apart together as 1960s and were deeply involved in the dramatic an innovative alternative intimate relationship. changes that characterize family life in the West We encourage comparative work on the unique (DeLamater, 2012; Lin & Brown, 2012). They challenges of later life living apart together,their now represent what we would describe as the implications for other family ties, and their con- graying of the family revolution. A growing nection to social and cultural arrangements. number of people either arrive at old age already divorced or divorce in later life. About a quarter of the divorces in the United States in 2010 were among individuals older than the age of 50, and, Department of Sociology, Western University, 1151 among the old, divorcees now outnumber wid- Richmond St., London, Ontario, Canada, N6A 5C2 ows and widowers (Brown & Lin, 2012). Many ([email protected]). divorcees wish to have intimate relationships, ∗Department of Social Work, Jönköping University, as do many widows and widowers (Calasanti Gjuterigatan 5 Jönköping, Sweden. & Kiecolt, 2007; Carr, 2004; Moorman, Booth, ∗∗Department of Social Work, Mid Sweden University, & Fingerman, 2006), but few are interested in Kunskapens väg 8 Österund, Sweden. remarrying. In the United States, only 0.6% of Key Words: aging, ambivalence, dating, family dynamics, those aged older than 65 are remarried (Cruz, gender, intimate relationships. 2012; see also Mahay & Lewin, 2007). Journal of Marriage and Family (2017) 1 DOI:10.1111/jomf.12417 2 Journal of Marriage and Family These trends are reflected to some degree is dominated by smaller exploratory studies in current gerontological and family research; and lacks common terminology and elabo- the intimate relationships of older unattached rated theoretical threads. A central dynamic or single persons can no longer be described as of all relationships is how they are negoti- a neglected topic of research, as was the case ated. Ambivalence is a particularly useful a quarter of a century ago (McElhany, 1992; concept for exploring how the contradictions see also Bulcroft & Bulcroft, 1991; Cooney & between expected and new ways of engaging in Dunne, 2001). Although still relatively limited, committed intimate relationships are negotiated. research on intimacy in later life has expanded to Ambivalence occurs at multiple levels, including include a broader range of topics, for example, the micro level of individuals and relationships, late-life romantic relationships (e.g., Malta & the meso level of social institutions including Farquharson, 2014), including the experiences those concerning intimate relationships, and of older women (e.g., Dickson, Hughes, & the macro level of structured social relations, Walker, 2005) and older widows and widowers sociolegal, economic, political, and cultural (e.g., Carr, 2004), the impact of aging on gay arrangements (Connidis, 2012, 2015; Connidis and lesbian romantic relationships (e.g., Averett, & McMullin, 2002b, 2002a). The concept of Yoon, & Jenkins, 2011), intimacy in long-term ambivalence emphasizes “the coexistence of care (e.g., Frankowski & Clark, 2009), later life contradictory sentiments, expectations, and online dating (e.g., Coupland, 2000), second forces as characteristic of family and of social couplehood (e.g., Koren & Eisikovits, 2011; life” (Connidis, 2015, p. 77) and explores how Koren & Simhi, 2016), and living apart together, these contradictions are and can be negotiated that is, intimate relationships that do not involve by individuals and through social change. Thus, sharing a common home. ambivalence goes beyond mixed feelings about Our aim in this critical review is to examine a partner or about LAT to considering how the living apart together as an alternative intimate contradictions of LAT itself are constructed and relationship among older persons and to offer a negotiated in a multilevel context. conceptual framework and research agenda that Applying ambivalence to LAT relationships will further comparative research. Central to our helps to bridge various efforts to explore LAT discussion is the debate on whether living apart and LAT-like relationships such as dating and together (LAT) is a new method of intimacy or to connect LAT to other family relations and simply a step on the way to cohabiting or mar- to social institutions and arrangements. Cultural rying. Addressing this debate requires specifica- variations in the degree to which marriage is tion of the life stage under study. We argue that entrenched as the acceptable form of intimate the unique situations of LAT later in life are in relationship make ambivalence a useful concept keeping with LAT as a new family form. As a for comparative research on LAT later in life. relatively new type of intimate partnership, LAT Striking a balance between having a committed faces unique challenges; couples must negoti- relationship and maintaining autonomy (Karls- ate their relationships in social contexts that may son & Borell, 2005; Upton-Davis, 2012)—a question the legitimacy of LAT to the point of central contradiction of LAT—is a source of viewing it as a deviant arrangement in some ambivalence negotiated by individuals and cou- countries. We begin by presenting ambivalence ples in the context of social arrangements that and concepts from the life course perspective as promote marriage and, more recently, cohabi- a useful framework for studying LAT. We apply tation. Contradictions at the level of structured this model to a critical assessment of the LAT lit- social relations also underscore the differential erature, starting with definitional variations that appeal and accessibility of LAT as an option, hinder progress on this topic. We conclude by for example, based on gender and class. Recent proposing research questions that we believe treatments of agency that emphasize its connec- will advance the comparative study of living tion to social constraints are central to the con- apart together in later life, what we term LLAT. cept of ambivalence (Connidis, 2012, 2015) and to the life course perspective (Settersten, 2003). Placing LAT relationships in a life course per- Conceptual Framework spective helps to clarify the unique features of As in many new, rapidly expanding areas LLAT. The concepts of life stage and linked of social science research, the study of LAT lives (Heinz, 2001) are especially relevant to Ambivalence and Later Life LAT Relationships 3 studying LAT across the life course. Circum- which LAT is considered an alternative intimate stances and reasons for forming unions at dif- tie or a temporary situation. ferent life stages vary markedly (Upton-Davis, 2012). Among younger adults, many still aim for forging a secure economic future and hav- What Is LAT? ing children, goals that make cohabitation and Notable cultural differences in the extent to marriage more probable objectives. At this life which LAT is an identified and accepted inti- stage, the primary family links of single per- mate relationship are reflected in linguistic sons are to parents and siblings, ties that in variations that inhibit a common focus and most cases
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