sine cera a DiverseCity Writing Series anthology
What I Think People Think About
Volume 7 Numbers 1 & 2
December 2008 & June 2009 sine cera is published by the SLCC Community Writing Center All inquiries should be directed to: DiverseCity Writing Series Coordinator 210 East 400 South, Suite 8, Salt Lake City, UT 84111.
Salt Lake Community College (SLCC) and the SLCC Community Writing Center (CWC) are not responsible for the opinions expressed in sine cera, nor does the writing represent any official position at SLCC or the CWC. Individual authors are solely responsible for the opinions expressed herein.
Each author retains copyright individually. Reprinting of this publication is permitted only with prior consultation and approval from the SLCC Community Writing Center.
This edition ofsine cera was compiled and edited by DiverseCity Writing Series Coordinator, Jeremy Remy with assistance from Jeff Dixon, Alex Remy and Christina Smith.
sine cera: What I Think People Think About ISBN 0-9789581-5-2 © 2008, 2009
Introduction
Everyone Can Write!
In August of 2000, the SLCC Community Writing Center began working with writers from local organizations in two- month writing workshops. Each workshop culminated in a publication and a public reading. At first, this DiverseCity Writing Series worked one-on-one with a variety of organizations: Justice, Economic Independence and Dignity for Women; the Road Home shelter; Liberty Senior Center; and Cancer Wellness House. In the summer of 2003, the DiverseCity Writing Series expanded to offer multiple, on-going writing groups. Volunteers were trained in collaborative writing strategies and became mentors for a variety of open-interest and specialized writing groups. In the fall of 2003, the pieces written in these groups were assembled to create sine cera: People Are Strange, the first DiverseCity Writing Series anthology. The anthology celebrated the work of participants, who were then invited to present their writing at a public reading. Over the past several years, the DiverseCity Writing Series has grown and changed, but the mission remains the same. The SLCC Community Writing Center would like to thank the mentors and participants who have helped to make this program an ongoing success: The Salt Lake City Main Library Group
The Community Writing Center Group
The Environmental Writing Group (at the Main Library)
The GLBTQ Group
The King’s English Group
The Literacy Action Center Groups
The Sam Weller’s Group (now meeting at the Main Library)
The St. Mark’s Tower Group
The Veterans’ Affairs Group
We look forward to the future growth and development of the DiverseCity Writing Series, and are happy to present our eleventh publication: sine cera: What I Think People Think About Acknowledgements
We would like to thank the DiverseCity Writing Series volunteer mentors:
Tyler Asman, Mimi Broadhead, Dave Bastian, Bonnie Chapline, Hal Davis, Mallory Davis, Kay Denton, Trisina Dickerson, Chanel Earl, Michael Easter, Randy Eggert, Mary Garrity, Catriena Gunning, Meghan Hunter, Vondell Jones, Peggy Kadir, Joyce Luttrell, Matthew Milligan, Cyndi Lloyd, Jessy Poole, Jim Rosinus, Alia Thiel, Winifred Walker, Doug Wright and Deb Young.
Thank you for all of the work you put into making the DiverseCity Writing Series an ongoing success. Your dedication is both inspiring and greatly appreciated.
Also, thank you to Tiffany Rousculpand Andrea Malouf for support and advice. And thanks to everyone at the SLCC Community Writing Center for feedback and editing assistance: Shannon Bell, Suzy Gerhing, Dave Hansen, and Robbi Poulson. Also thanks to Christina Smith, who will be taking over as DiverseCity Writing Series Coordinator as Jeremy Remy moves on.
And a special thanks to Jeff Dixon, Jeff Fail, Alex Remy, Ken Simin and MaryJane Van Buren for their assistance in creating this edition of sine cera, and ensuring the details of the reading reached the public.
We would also like to express our gratitude to Deb Young of the Literacy Action Center, Jim Rosinus formerly of Sam Weller’s Bookstore, Anne Holman of the King’s English Bookstore, the U. S. Veterans Medical Center of Salt Lake, St. Mark’s Tower, and the Salt Lake City Public Library for the use of their facilities and continued support.
Thanks toSalt Lake Community College for making this publication possible.
And, of course, thank you to all the writers! It has been, and continues to be, a pleasure working with each of you.
Table of Contents
Introduction 4
Acknowledgements 6
Volume 7 Number 1: December 2008
Preface to Volume 7 Number 1 Jeremy Remy 14
What I Think People Think About Paul Kartchner 17
A Time in History Joyce Lutrell 18
Ancestral Rock Chanel Earl 20
Our Troubled Evolution John Hicks 22
Communicating with an Alien John Boles 23
Looking Forward John Boles 24
The Ticking of Time Deborah Young 25
My Fishing Trip Albert E. Smith 26
The “X” Hal Davis 27
Salt Lake City Blues Gregor Gable 31
Acceptance Winnie Mae Walker 32
Natalie Dave Bastian 33
Ride, Ride, Ride Elvin Gage 35
Dream Girls Richard G. Scharine 36
One of My Lovers Cyndi Lloyd 42 Sunday Dinner Larry Chaston 44
My Sister Larry Chaston 45
My Exciting Trip to Texas Julie A. Liljenquist 46
My Brother’s Nice Dogs Kate Cushing 47
Watershed Randy Eggert 48
The Old Apple Tree Becky Wilson 51
Cherry Stones Mimi Broadhead 52
Butterfly Messengers Tiffany Carver 55
Reading & Writing Paul L. Rosser 56
The Magic Flute Joyce Luttrell 57
The Dead, and the Blind Misty Evans 64
Wayworn Winnie Winnie Mae Walker 74
Stashing My Stuff Winnie Mae Walker 76
Volume 7 Number 2: June 2009
Preface to Volume 7 Number 2 Jeremy Remy 80
Cities C. Chambers 82
Directions C. Chambers 82
The Purpose of Things Alia Rose Thiel 83
Hot Air James Mone 85
Clothesline Richard G. Scharine 86 Bad Words Randy Eggert 91
Boys’ Basketball Championship Paul L. Rosser 97
My Brother’s Dog Ervan Peterson 98
A Dog’s Life John Boles 99
Black Dogs Winnie Mae Walker 100
My Cat, Bitsy Albert E. Smith 100
Pick a Color, Any Color Ramona Maassen 101
Dear Rachel Ann Julie A. Liljenquist 103
Dad was a Cowboy Kyle J. Luke 105
On Cedar Mountain Kyle J. Luke 106
Hair Michael Scott 108
Just Like That Warren D. Price 110
Too Many Wrong Mistakes E.B. Homer 111
Lesson Learned Warren D. Price 116
Cooking Disasters 101 Rose A. Petersen 117
Cornbread and Beans Hal Davis 119
Coffee Time Rag C. Chambers 120
Gaudi C. Chambers 120
The Funny Dinner Kate Cushing 121
Teapot Winnie Mae Walker 122
My Vacation Von Jones 123 The Flat Hal Davis 126
Letter from CM Longwood James H. Rosinus 127
Pretentions of Wealth Rose A. Petersen 129
I Am the Caregiver, Ramona Maassen 130 the Mother and the Rock
A Great American Elvin Gage 131
The Thief on the Cross Dan Christiensen 133
The Walk C. Chambers 134
Poems C. Chambers 134
The Old Beauties Cyndi Lloyd 135
Plastic Joyce E. Luttrell 136
Charlie’s Bash Dave Bastian 137
Fear Ramona Maassen 149
The Dying Man Von Jones 150
Falling Into Love, Maria Spradling 152 Right On Your Back
I Will Think of You Alia Rose Thiel 153
What I Like To Do Becky Wilson 155
What I Learned This Year Annette Weed 156
Author Bios 158
sine cera
What I Think People Think About
Volume 7 Number 1 December 2008 Preface
The DiverseCity Writing Series bridges the Salt Lake community’s diverse social, economic and educational backgrounds through writing, collaboration and dialogue. —DiverseCity Writing Series Mission Statement
This year a star 40 times bigger than our sun appeared in the night sky. Billions of years ago, the star exploded in a gamma ray burst powerful enough to vaporize any planet nearby. Only now is its light reaching us—the most distant object visible to the naked eye. And, as our eyes are able to see across the universe, creations built by our hands stretch across the solar system: the MESSENGER space probe reached Mercury, the Phoenix spacecraft landed on Mars, and the first privately developed space vehicle went into Earth orbit. Over the past year we’ve heard messages of hope and change, and we’ve experienced building feelings of dread and frustration. The unknown effects of the Large Hadron Collider created a sense of unease, but tests ultimately failed to work. Benazir Bhutto was assassinated in Pakistan. Hurricanes Gustav, Hanna and Ike threatened coastlines, and a series of tornadoes struck the Southern United States as primary elections began. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan continue. And the U.S. has plunged into recession, beginning a world economic crisis where Americans worry about stock and gas prices, while cost and unavailability of food are triggering riots and unrest in many third world nations. Even so, we are unwilling to accept the dark clouds hovering over us—and we shouldn’t. The world’s largest high- energy particle accelerator is being repaired and promises to answer questions about the birth of our universe. The first operations using bionic eyes took place in London. The Kivu war ended in the Congo. Bhutan held its first ever general elections. Bill Gates left his day-to-day position at Microsoft to focus on philanthropic efforts. We’ve seen and participated in protests for equal rights, marching through the streets of Salt Lake City. And we’ve elected the first African-American President of the United States, based on his economic platform, and his promise to refocus our efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan. We’re living in a paradoxical world—one frustrated by the past and present, but tenaciously hopeful for the future. This edition ofsine cera is marked by that paradox. The DiverseCity Writing Series anthology has always been a collection of writing from people living in the Salt Lake community, but now these people are speaking their minds in an attempt to change their world. Frustrations are being aired, sometimes with angry words and strong language. And dreams are beginning to surface through the clouds of memory and imagination. A dialogue has started, with no end in sight. Included are stories of reflection and regret, fear and hostility, aliens and the alienated, desire and disenchantment. You’ll find tales of heartache, manipulation and loneliness, but you’ll also find fond memories, achievements and magic. I invite you to join this community, and welcome you to share the thoughts in this collection: sine cera: What I Think People Think About.
and wondering wives iftheir are about thinking too. them, Also, they’re wives iftheir thinking are having day agood at work, are about thinking also and kids their how they’re doing at school. going to get go they to when work. Throughouttheday, they think I aboutthinking having lots of fun. mean. When are they are playing they Ithink with friends, their parents, get mad they and to themselves think that parents their are In my opinion, get kids when into Ithink trouble with their You can only imagine and wonder what through goes minds. their What through goes minds? their What are about? thinking they thatSo is my opinion on about. what people think Ithink Now with grown about think ups, they how Ithink day their is What IThinkPeopleWhat ThinkAbout by Paul Kartchner
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 17 sine cera: What I Think 18 People Think About Generosity of White the Government. thatLand was given to by them called so the A people that were planted on Reservations. For degrading beautifulpeople. For land taking that didnot belong to him, No remorse for slaughter the that done has been whiteThe man has no conscience I am sure But names that are burned pages inthe of History. Names that sound strange to white the man Sitting Bull, and White Buffalo. From Vitorio Ociola, Mangus to Geronimo. You can hear thunder the of buffalo. the If you are still, very thewilderness. in The cry soundThe child. of a newborn soundThe their warring. of lamentingOf the for dead, their You can hear sound the of love, their If you are still, very Until he aperformance performed of excellence. And not considered aman youngEach man had to prove himself aman, livedThey lawby a that wasfor them.good over ruled which eachtribe. governmenttribal had a They Unto itself. was anation eachtribe when A time Thatbelonged them to To hunt, roam, move over land the people when A time were free that inhistory A time never again be will By last the shot fired. That forso long silenced been has thunderThe past,the of If you you are still can hear very A TimeInHistory by Joyce Lutrell Shame on white the man for his disregard, white the Land man couldn’t use. ofLand rocks and boulders. thatLand white eyeshad for. no use And my from cries soul what was and again. never be shall I feel asharp tug at my heart, Little bobbing head insleep, on back of apapoose the asquaw,I see land the as ifIwereI see one with mother nature herself. With shining black hair, ridingwind. the ayoungSee red buck skinned For and cooking, watch smoke the air. swirl inthe To an Indian see village, fired lit for warmth, And inyour painted the mind see pony free. running Here on land this it when was young, Letting your mind ponder over way the it was youDo at everlook mountains the or meadows the Running Deer, Shinning Star and yes evenClay Pot. To names the child, given newborn their From drawings the on and his teepee Wikkiup Everything had ameaning to Indian, the How to love land, the wind and the rain. the A lost culture white the man could have much learned from, I feel loss the of something good. I feel shame the Almighty that feels God inHis heart. The love peopleof a with dignity, roots. seeded and deep Listen, Ihear of silence the hunter. the Thelaughter the of children at play. I hear thunder the of buffalo. the I hear prayer the of medicine man for husband adead Crying and worriers. I hear wailing the of awoman crying, Listen, doyou hear what Ihear? For not having compassion for abrother. For his love of alone. self For hisgreed, selfish For anything he could notwith cope
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 19 sine cera: What I Think 20 People Think About She followed noise the with her eyesuntil she saw its source: a thedancingreflected firemoonlight. and as she feasted on peanut butter and solitude. The canyon red walls sticks and branches for her firewood. ground and crawled to edge the of wash the on fours, all gathering shadows, hugging rough the cliffside. thenShe moved the to as moon the rose she felt her way through blackest the canyon canyon,the like aman singing with her. return, she thought she heard another echo, from acall end the of eat peanut butter right out of jar. the She could sing as loudly as she narrow canyon, without receiving any sideways glances. She could feet through sand the and dance samba the as she traversed the skin. Her was quick. pace her black hair into apony her. behind tail The sun warmed darkher a jar of peanut butter. Sheher sandals to tied her pack and pulled Xochitl traveled light.with abackpack She water carried filled and heard another echo, heard anotherecho, a callfrom theend ...she thoughtshe Then Xochitl heardsound, a soft a chipping scratching. and alcoveThe made acomfortablecampsite. Xochitl’s fire glowed Xochitl continued to hike. She didn’t stop with sun, the and Xochitl always alone. hiked That way she could move her dusty of thecanyon...of Ancestral RockAncestral wanted to. by ChanelEarl Today as she listened to her voice through canyon. the hiked. She harmonized with her Xochitl always sang she when small streamsmall weaving its way own echo and listened to her slickrock or splashed inthe tune bounce of red the walls the sand,the tapped hot the that surrounded her. She her slid feet through as they screeched and screamed, air with only sounds the of theand sometimes filled and felt shape the form. take snaking around its center. Xochitl her placed hand on rock the face intowas carved being rock the facewithout hands. It expanded, petroglyph beganto which appear before her. Thedark round spiral alone. completed her figure, final called she out and orange, illuminated by firelight. outline of two pairs of hands. The cliffside was a museum ofred to her moon. His sandal, her bare foot, his arrow, her backpack, the image was answered with another from past. the His sun sat next figure of a hunter next thatto of Xochitl. spiral stopped its circular progression. figure Anew emerged:the away atsandstone. soft the portraitAs her took shape,thedark red to scratch out an image of herself. She picked up a rock and chipped out to eachother through ages. the sang again, and as she sang two the voices combined. called They canyon. another. An ancient and foreign greeting reverberated through the through canyon, the As sun the beganto Xochitl rise, tired. And after when, she She continued figures to into carve the Each new cliff face. Xochitl dug her fingernail intosandstonethe canvas beganand Xochitl didnot understand voice, the but she yelled again. She Her voice returned, but as it reached her she could hear She broke herself away from canyon the wall. ¿Quién eres? adios , her echo returned Hola , she yelled
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 21 sine cera: What I Think 22 People Think About worth. Imay daft be but I’m not deaf. systembelief but from facts these report for them whatever are they incidences happened and that weren’t they delusional. I draw no thousands of strange Iknow occurrences. at two least these player.” said, “His of idea vengeance is through oboe becoming avirtuoso for everdoubting them me. Then a woman acrossthe complex play well. oboe Imused the that of would this asort vengeance be window.the Without saying aword Ihadsilent this thought about religious. I am only two reporting incidences as these Icannot which codify Conclusively I’ve clairvoyance experienced inanegative way twice. non-conclusive ways perhaps Ihave it that experienced way. and ordered with Enlightenment or Jesus at center. the In I guesssupernatural the some experience as something pleasing These These werethethat only experiences stand out ina fog of Once aneighbor two doors down was yelling vulgarities out thousands of ...in a fog of ...in afog of occurrences. strange Our Troubled Evolution by John Hicks him, I’m not undisciplined by learning to immediately heard himyell, “He should show my that friends What asatanic wretch thinks I’mthinks asatanic wretch.” not until Ithought that I but nothing was conclusive, a conviction in clairvoyance in amore setting I peaceful things that nearly brought was sitting on my patio in and neighbors were saying a large apartment complex A year and later ahalf . Then I feeling Ihad. down To walking started beach. the say least, the it was unreal, that disappeared mist. inthe up getting beach, the and distance inthe smaller smaller until it “Hey, wait aminute, don’t you understand?” It kept going away creature came forward, my erased lines and moved away. Isaid, and eleven before putting down wood the and backing up. The outsmoothed sand the and made two lines, three, then five,seven squinted for amoment or two and came up with my next move. I morning: just sand andgoing sea, driftwood without north end. I progress.” down and moved back. Isaid with my smile, “That’s friendly best andsix, seven eight. Just as Ihad done, creature the laid wood the alien envelopedThe scratched and the driftwood five then lines, four down (like ||||||||||).Ilaid this: driftwood the backedand up. I paused, drew aline sand, inthe two then more, three and finally clock. Ilooked around and slowly picked up apiece of driftwood. rolled up and down off beach the to like ticking my left the ofa around my jacket and rain the splattering on my hood. facing it for abit. The soundsonly werewhistle the the wind of to mind. Suffice it to the say creature wasn’t this of world. I stood skin covered rest the of it. Don Hardy’s Ed “Teachers Pet” sprang from-the-dead Apulsating look. orange, red and white material or insidehalf ahollowed gnarly stump. wooden Its had head arisen- front of me. Acreature. It was like asurrealistic painting and was I got down on and north,there beach the headed it was, right in breath Itook adeep Gleneden Beach. air. salty inthe taking When downI hiked from trail the cliffs the overlookingocean the by Early one morning last December, wrapped up against weather, the The waterbeginning waslap to at my as I feet turned and creatureI looked the behind into gray the stormy sky of the alittle,I grimaced waved my hand, and said, “Hi.” water Ocean Communicating withanAlien Communicating by John Boles
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 23 sine cera: What I Think 24 People Think About union that lasts forever. snow the Soon flies greetto me. Myearth. son and his sons are my joy. andwith coal refrigerant. too. Dad For are me they salt of the the away. Ispenditsame. the all Inever can save some for arainy day. for everlasting warmth. forwardI look to breath the of Ullr. Dainty folks are ducking south more gorgeous everwere. than they How could’ve Iignored them? days. these almost to everyone Thank be seem goodness. day.every that Ilike to think Iam than young the wiser ones, who keeping me on far. ride,seventy the so times it, not nor beginning inthe evennow, Luck Isuspect. or destiny is relish eachoccasion inspite of knowing Ihave nothing to dowith It’s to silliness celebrate traveling around sun the one more time. I This autumn,ridgeswhere beauty Ihike high time meets ina In end, the my breath. for grandpa every struggles He works Time moves at Tomorrow never experienced. apace is seconds Sunrises and sunsets are more beautifuland autumns the are not about toRetired and think trying economy, the at least not Looking Forward by John Boles time run out run time for me before I’m done? more CanIslow time? back for time CanItake time? me? Will signs that is well. all Ihunt for out. time tell me that Iam keeping up, keeping things the going. all Ihunt for quickly. Imiss Imiss deadlines. home. Imiss family. going faster. Not just time, but many other things are going by too tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Yet, has increased. Things speed the are time?find stop? Ihunt for another path. Ihunt for time. Will Iget Will time? I thingsme. done Seeing drives me, too. doing something. Ikeep doing something. Doing something drives ticking, Icannot stop. Something is driving me. Iwork. Iwork by I like my work. Ilike things the Ido. Ilike life. Iam happy. ticking clock says, “Go. Go. Go.” Life quickly. goes Ilike quick days. things? Will ticking the stop? Will days the stop? to dothings that don’t done. to need be to do. Ihunt for to time things dothe Iwant to do. Ihunt for time for to time doother things. Ihunt for to time things dothe Ineed to spendat home. Ihunt for to time spendwith my family. Ihunt notstill done. While Iget things done, not things are all done. Many things are notdoes stop ticking. Days go by. Idothings. Iget things done. Theticks. clock passes Time quickly.Eachday fast. goes The clock Have my lists grown? Have Islowed? How am Igoing to find I hunt. Ihunt for Ihunt calm. for solace. Ihunt for things that Theticks. clock The clock’s tempo is even and steady. Tick, Can Idoit? CanIgo, go, go? If Idrop time something, will I hunt. Ihunt for ticking the clock. If not clock the does stop Theticks. ticking clock The clock says,“Do not stop.” The IhaveDo Ihave Do time? to time work? Ihave Do to time do I hunt. Ihunt for time. Ihunt for to time work. Ihunt for time The Ticking of Time The Tickingof by Deborah Young
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 25 sine cera: What I Think 26 People Think About fish the 5 on o’clock news and made likeit look a movie. nine-inch flat body and gold-striped reddish-orange gills. mefront with fish the in baitthe of shop captureto the piranha’s cold water. Icouldn’t it believe either, my so wife took pictures of a warm water fishthat morethan likely shouldn’t in survive Utah’s that it was an Amazon Piranha. He shocked it because was very owner, an older gentleman had who fishedthe in Amazon, told me teeth. City. Ihooked two catfish, trout,one and onesharp fish with very I like to go fishing. Oneday I wentLake in Deckerto West Valley It catch. was agood That piranha gave me five minutes of fame. I took fish the the to TV station.Fox 13 They put me and my I took fish the with bait thesharp to teeth shop. The bait shop My FishingTrip by E.Smith Albert was for better the no good, matter what heard. they on campus. They were told, and believed, that everythinghere was suchdone that townspeople the dared never question any there activity colleges. Here he was free to do as he needed. Even the avoidlocal culture scrutiny by those so-called scientists of the snootyout western inthe mountains,East campus the was secludedenough to Coast student, and got they down to work. of world. the It would for mean mankind. peace eternal all The successful outcome of his experimentssalvationthe be would But Frank N.Young cosmicimportance the knew his work held. “regular”the students on campus probably wouldn’t approve either. research he conducted. Heck, most of never sanction or understand the outside the knew world would He and his superiors both maintained. be silence on required absolute projects Dr. Young worked basement for secrecy. The They were cloisteredthe in provided by labs. his dingy noticed stark the contrast Frank Noonan Young always by rest the of campus the Dr. out against verdant new the foliage of mountains the behind. forbuildings seen couldon miles be asunny spring day, standing it was situated on above below. high foothills the valley the The shades of granite and marble. Thecampus shonethe in sun, as were made of brick with large expanses of white plaster or light nicknamed “X” the by students the there. Most of buildings the campusthe of BMEU. Bowman Xavier University affectionately pure white exterior of Jones the Physical building Science on basementThe lab and wasdank dreary comparedalmost the to The location thecampus of perfect for wastheir Isolated purposes. Upon entering lab the he greeted Iosepha, his Samoan grad provided of spectacle the Because by HalDavis The “X” eternal peaceforeternal It would mean all mankind.
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 27 sine cera: What I Think 28 People Think About were completed to southwest. the valleys inthe been had The locals stormsthe was absolutely until power new the projects necessary provided setting for ideal the work. their power The generated by up basement the stairs and four the floors the to roof. a He arrived succeed.” we time this will glee? prepare and electrodes the wait. vessels of form. inert the completed They tasksthe and to turned attachments from brain artificial and new the the to blood nerves reality. by nature and programmed could be to suit of needs the their for task. The this brains were those notas fragile provided as humans on gurney. the largehad a They number brainsof artificial prepared prepare quickly. He and Iosepha worked to prepare lifeless the body a strong possibility of thunderstorms that evening, so they must but asliver of power the produced. power was for his purposes and his alone. The public would never see population and light industry. But Young knew that 98% of that told the plants were being built to provide power to the growing number of artificial artificial number of They hadalarge brains prepared These factorsThese coupledfrequentwiththe severethunderstorms “I must go check the rods.” Young said and started the long climb “Oh, Sir,” Good, chimed Iosepha. “Yes we are, Iosepha.be here Thesoon storm believe will and I “Are we ready now, sir?” said Iosepha with an almost child like Young and his assistant worked quickly and surely making the Young knew from the local weather reports that there was for thetask. for hundreds of years was fast becoming a creators. Language, philosophy and animation, the dream of science temperament could be determined
supplied with subjects. Re- at will. kept Young and Iosepha well given the athletes by coaches healthy football player was and the grueling workouts but the next attempt to The large sports program chance from re-creation. remove the element of This body of a formerly gloom he could see the sun the hedippinggloom could see low on horizon, the beneath the place he looked at sky the surrounding him.Throughthe deepening and double checked the lightning rods there, and satisfied all was in little but winded at time ingood top the of building. the He checked called RTC,called Reanimation secretly the Training Center. The 500 had waythe thought. they soldiers. They wereperfect “normal” humans, but were beneath same they the right all down to 500 were ready for the world. Outwardly they looked and acted like reanimated bodies by the hundreds and in another month the first and crop his new of students grad could handle. they had all They wiresthe hummed to from “X” the obscure the valley campus. Young thought not his own. The superiors were well pleased. answer incorrectly and evenbetter he never ventured an opinion or the greatest minds of faith and religion at the “X” and not once did he project was an overwhelming success. had him They questioned by obscure Mongolian and proficient. hewildly became dialect The learned to walk and talk. They even programmed him to speak an Young named himAdam afterthe first Biblical man.soon Adam brain. The next few weeks were spent in programmingthe man. new and adulation. He had done it! had achieved his success. His superiors would laud himwith praise bump,” The sound then the strength increased and Young knew he continued to grow stronger and faster. “Th-bump,th-bump, th- listened with his stethoscope for was heartbeatthere. he the knew switchopened the and bank joined his mentor by gurney. the Young atcried sameto the rushed then check time on his work. Iosepha Young twitch saw body the to and stir. begin Young laughed and switches on wall. the charge just at height the of storm. the Young of bank the threw Strikebanks. after strike of lightning broughtthem to maximum and climbed then to indicate growing the charge capacitor inthe capacitors. They watched as the needles on the gauges became alive again, just as the first strike of the storm started to charge the giant prepared for first the strike of electricity. They checked the electrodes growing thunderheads on lake below. the time Thealmost was here. Young as he doors beamed opened the of labs new they the Three monthslater the massivepower projectcame on line and He had reanimated tissue dead with an implanted programmable “Bump… th-bump” the reanimated heart started slowly and flashed Thebrightly electricity the as connections were made. Young hurried back to his lab and together he and Iosepha
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 29 sine cera: What I Think 30 People Think About suit, white button down muted shirt, and tie sturdy dress and shoes plane tickets inhand. dressed like Each others the inadark blue but only one philosophy. Young watched marched as they out, programmedbeen inascore to perfection of differentlanguages had same the first name emblazoned their tags.on plastic and strange to scene. this nametags. He but beamed, to an outsider there was something eerie yellow buses borrowed schooldistricts. from local the a black nametag. pulling Each an identical suitcase on to wheels the “ELDER” individualEach army inthis had adifferentlast name, buteach Young saw mountain the sun glint offthe black plastic I got City Salt the Blue’s Lake of Red insea my BlueI carrying card, waiting disfranchised, to be Why go to old the of Russia, here when that it stays Scare me, terrorize me, my own police, with aBlue of card Red inaSea expressionself Igot is all I’m American, Ican this trust But fight to and, DieifI must How’s vote gonna matter, machine’s the when reprogrammed Holding ablue of card Red inaSea Braincycle wash, The is stuck on High A Larger Cult than I’ve everseen, Today it’s state, aRed controlled by Mormons the KGB, fear and dissent was not vogue peasants, tractor factories, state government run NikitaCommies, pounding Khrushchev ashoe was,Remembering Red, when Having ablue of card Red inaSea but not Iwill leave ancestor’shistory records and more Salt LakeCityBlues by GregorGable
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 31 sine cera: What I Think 32 People Think About with insight and wisdom. things more see we will clearly, And perhaps we when go to our mansions above, in narrow-minded prisons. by helping to those free let’sSo fight all for justice, compassion and love for simply inwhat’s believing right for YOU! threatenedto be with Hell For it makes no real sense to what decide is true. othersStill reason use Some people conform, others while rebel. or play band!” inthe nor sing choir inthe you not allowed will be to enter gate, the stand,as they unlessyouso conform to laws the wayLord the“The to is quite narrow and straight, standwho up and shout by various the leaders But often too somepeople become quite confused without adoubt. is we agoal should strive for, Acceptance of people with differingviews by WinnieMaeWalker Acceptance stark white, as ifit were some Rorschach test that could explain her anon to image ceiling. Shesee the tried brown inthe mark on the began to refer to as “Mount Collins.” itemsStill, those lay corner inthe inadisheveled pile that Natalie someshoes, and shirts pants, and his guitar in abeat up case. tweed in the morning. Collins had only brought a few things with him, some ski patroller was sharing her space, hercloset bed, her bathroom sink there were and to see places friends to visit. it was bliss. where they remained for a whole day. It was magic, it was wonderful,stripping off clothing ina manicdance, then jumping intobed her to hers. Her wasand wide showered smile they eachother with kisses, place,their place the that he helped pay for—his home—so he came knocked ondiesel, Collins her door. Fiona had kicked himout of white the piled upwhile outside her window and buriedher little VW hurt, back to then anger again. stroking her hair. At her times thoughts those turned to anger, to then loved. She imagined Collins in Fiona’s arms, kissing her body and offsneaking to her place,stayed he still with a woman he no longer even afterfrantic a nightsex then and a of drunken few weeks of relationship that its had run course, and return to her arms. would soon be a reality, that Collins would leave the shambles of a inch of her body.every Sometimes, she was convinced that dream this or lonely. She dreamt of Collins wrapping his arms around her, kissing his fucking guitar. Natalie had no idea. something in his sleep, maybe about his ex-girlfriend, maybe about few days, Natalie had found cute. once Every he mumbled inawhile, He breathed in and out, snoring in soft exhalations that, for the firstNatalie lay awake, staring at the ceiling while Collins slept beside her. Natalie rolled onto her back and looked up at water the stain Natalie had lived alone for afew years, and at all then once ahairy There was work to be done, there was sleep that needed to be had, And reality then back in. rushed remainedCollins adream until he wasn’t. Onasnowy night, Other times she resented that even after a few nights together, One week ago, was afantasy, Collins adream she when was bored by Dave Bastian Natalie
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 33 sine cera: What I Think 34 People Think About kept shed. inthe something This was Natalie was proud thatof, she and climbing onto roof the her with ladder absentee the landlord roof herself, buying tools the from ahardware store Springs inthe feelings to her but she saw all was awater stain. She hadthe fixed have Natalie to talk. wondered what she would say. arm from her and it placed at his side. In morning the would they were twigs. avoiding massive the of walls icethat could snap trees like they avalanche danger and was high he was out throwing bombs and in.Sheblew wondered ifshe about would the worry when Collins weather, afisherman marry aboutandthe when himstormsworry towna small on coast the where she could wrap herself inbad it, it looked like Maine. Maybe she should move to Maine, maybe husband, was hers? Hers to kiss, hers to hug, hers to hurt. she had dreamed about, first the manwith sincebeen she her had happy that her? Wasn’t was beside Collins she happy that man the she couldn’twhile sleep. And didshe evenmean blame? Wasn’t she his crap pile inasmall on her floor, his trappingarms bed her in bang. if it were last their day on planet the and were they going out with a fucked inamad andthere nightthey all wonderful while frenzy as But andgood drunk. he her had pulled into he had kept bed, her she bottle had pulled afterbottlefrom fridge,the gettingboththem his door that night, he played she himwhile had kissed his guitar, was, she thought. She had trekked across snow the and knocked on responsible for himgetting kicked out of his place? Ofcourse she her inatight grip. Had she pried himfrom Fiona’s arms? Was she her into his embrace without his arms evenwaking, surrounding she wondered askill skill, would ifCollins evenappreciate or need. Shethe had aleak. left stain as a ever been testament to her new thought, as she lay and looked inbed at lastthat the sign there had husband, none of things matched those fixingthat fucking roof, she her life. Not her marriage, not getting her Master’s, not leaving her what she had done, and felt alevel of pride that was unmatched in ex-husband. ablehad aproblem been to tackle herself without any help from her Collins begantoCollins mumble again and Natalie gently lifted his Actually, Natalie thought, water the stain didhave ashape to There was no one to blame forwhy Collins now laidbeside her, rolledCollins over and his placed arms around her, pulling Theday she fixed theroof she had climbed looked down, up at girlies again.girlies nice(I’meverything about talking girls), to the Istarted chase left. do is get on your horse and ride,ride.” Iturned around So and “If you don’t want me, baby, ifyou’re not satisfied, all you have to stopped. She told her band to play another song and that song said, singing, and she when saw me she bar inthe andI walked she was to bar the where she worked. end our relationship, Iwent together. times good two horses. We had alot of straddling while Cadillac or saddle jumpthe over a slide then backbelly on to rightthe under horse’s the she’d gallop while full slide to stunts on horses, at like ride rider,a trick someone did who finally met a womanthe in rodeo. She was Ihadbecause two children to raise. My was heart broken, Inever wanted to love again, but Imoved on daughter was three and my son was ten days old she when died. formarried five yearsbefore she died. We twohad children. My girls, the butdoing. all Iknew Ididn’t care. Ijust went to work. When Iwas ayoung man inlove, falling Ididn’t know what I was After I found outthat life was not sugar and spice and When to she decided workingI was still and to ridingrodeo inthe pay my bills. I Eventually, Imet agirl, fell inlove, and got married. We were Ride, Ride by ElvinGage who didstuntson She was atrick rider, someone horses...
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 35 sine cera: What I Think 36 People Think About side of my face. “I will be with you always,” she says. straddling me, leaning over me, with her long hair hanging on either I awake of middle inthe night the lying on my back. Lynne sits haven’t conversationalist. good avery been Ihave such aheadache. notice and we continue Aftershewhile “I’m walking. a speaks: I sorry head, only to realize it end isof eraser the aNo. She 2pencil. no takes street is empty. Iturn suddenly and drive hammer the down on her and down Ilook that to see Ihave ahammer inmy right hand. The awareness that I’ve wrong the taken turn. Her right hand is in my left, like hours,seems and Ibecome more and more resentful of her lots where grass fights its waythrough cement. forWe walk what dotted businesses, with closed faux counter-culture shops, and empty has become one of those faceless small town American main streets, We’re lost and what wasbetween agrassyus field thecampusand in my armpits and at my waistband. She walks silently beside me. manage to hot both and oppressively humid. Ican feel sweat gathering we were students. It is aone of hazy Midwestern those days which Lynne and I are walking from our apartment to the University where my inher head lap, and Iawake, when Iam crying. young?” Igo to her, but she doesn’t disappear as she has before. Ilay wants reassurance: “I want young,” to be she says. “Do you I’m think construct. For the first time in a dream, I know she is dead. She like she we didwhen weresort first of married—a Tralfamadorian Day. She looks something like she did a year ago, and something I dream about Lynne early inthe morning hours of New Year’s by G. Richard Scharine Dream Girls Dream * * * end of arutted car path, just inside afieldlandscape ina flatas as we’din which lived before. When we get there, it is located at the moving into adifferent house. She tells me likeit is exactly one Lynne—looking as she didbefore she cut her hair—and Iare Directly above us on land the sideis acliff, whichperched on is a Lynne and Iare along walking aroad on edge the of Baltic. the off, Imight never havesex again,” say. I absurditythe of situation. the “If we don’t find away this to onepull one inplace we are visible from another angle. We laugh of because closingwith offbed stagetheflats, timesides. Itry I move but every problem is that we with walls areon glass all virtually exposed in away that indicates she wants me to stay with her. inbed The We are to leave day, this and as we are getting up, she at looks me appearing 25and other 40. times Shewalls. is beautiful, sometimes toweris ahigh with glass like astage, but setting the much shaped,is oddly very The whichroom in we stay relatives inastrange city. Lynne and Iare visiting home until dawn. to get up and around walk my choking with claustrophobia, and Ihave and what’s more, person Iam the to share it with is dead.Iawaken, but something doesn’t make You sense. can’t live insuch ahouse, in it. Ihave my arm around her, squeezingher tighter and tighter, She says living the room has barely enough spaceto fit tableour three years.” I am excited: “Doesit have asunken living room?” we lived ayear inahouse like this,” Isay. She snorts: “A year! It was nono floors—just walls, insidethe dirt foundation. can’t“I believe amazing, marked only by astone foundation. There is no ceiling, here.does The floorspace small, the of and, is mosthouse very Iowa. It is early Spring, comes which later Midwest inthe than it * * we areexposed on virtually allsides. virtually ...with glasswalls
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 37 sine cera: What I Think 38 People Think About house Ifind a parallel the along to road cliff side.walk I thatroad, and down Ilook when toward Ifeel dizzy. sea, the the Behind someoneI see Iknow and climb up cliff. the There is no there,one house surrounded by pines swathed inparasitic mistletoe. I think firsttime in one of my dreams as she did beforeshortly she died. Lynne and Iare rehearsing aplay. She’s not well, looking for the you can’t past the through awindow, see and that Lynne is dead. woman is entering door. the Ican’t her face. It see to me occurs that A shiny 1947Chevrolet is parked driveway, inthe and ared-haired sideof the can my see uncle’s house thoughwindow the her. behind arms and urge her She back to bed. protests. her shoulder Over I wet from having just ashower. taken aroused, Irise her take inmy sister Marti’s house. Lynne enters naked from bathroom, the still am sleepy. so When up Ilook again, I’m inaguest room inmy bed to ask her how she is, or ifshe is engaged or inart religion, but I man is coming from field, the presumably to fetch her. I I feel ought barely stay on my feet Iamback because drifting to sleep. Another Ireach time the woman, the men the have disappeared, and Ican isthem a large tent, possibly for used or Revivals dancing. ethnic By across road the to northare the hundreds of cars, and to east the of one of my uncles, and ahired man stand around her. In field the grass. She appears Russian to be or European. Eastern My father, yard of farmhouse the IwasAwoman inwhich born. is lying inthe I stagger out of my but bed, Igo when out front the door I’m inthe climbing inon other the sideof bed. the over on my right side, and am shocked by anaked Tanya Varenka heatback, the coming off it makes it hard for me to breathe. I turn It is acold night, but as Ipress inbed up of to middle the Lynne’s abandoned her. Eventually Iforget what is. direction Baltic the feeling increasing anxious over how Lynne angry I because be will trees the forlooking between apath back down to shore, the and * * * parents moved 40years ago. The farm is the at topwhich of ahill 30yearsdied ago) alift home the familyto from farm, which my overtakes role. the When Ileave, Ihave to give my father (who She leaves rehearsal early, and Tanya Varenka, is who directing, of water forming around my bare feet. building, it is dark and my officelocked. is stand I outside, a puddle lost. When Iaccidentally stumble across Departmental the wander about campus the without any luck and become hopelessly back towardwalk Union, the but can’t find my shoes. For hours I to snow the knock off my shoes andthat realize my feet arebare. I bookstore,the and her send on Inside ahead. bookstore the Igo We’re heading Iremember down when hill the Ihave to stop by can she we asks. go?” “My office. No will one interrupt there.” us passion obvious is so that onlookers must aware be of it. “Where rawnessthe of wind. the Tanya Varenka is with me, and our mutual The sun is lowthe in sky, theand red the of horizon accentuates It is alate winter afternoonbelow the on asidewalk Student Union. Karl.see to ask for help. Neither Lynne nor my father reappear, and Inever hands. I’d like to repair it or protect it, but Idon’t know how or who symbol. Igo over to pick it up, but it apart to begins fall inmy of an Aztec pyramid, Irecognize which immediately as amarriage hear voices living inthe room. counter Onthe is asand sculpture before he washas born) gone to visit him.Ienter kitchen the and Karl shares My with his friends. father ayear died (who and ahalf don’t crash, Iwind up at at ahouse far down road the that my son brake. It hurtles backward at tremendous and speed, although I coasting backward.begin Thecar is not in gear andcan’t I find the of road. the Just as Ialmost reach top, the and engine the kills I ofslowly ahead people me walking won’t several because get out out at bottom the of up Istart hill. but the hill, the have to go very is now much than steeper it was before. My father to decides get was off leveled thewhen paved was road the 50s, in butwhich * *
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 39 sine cera: What I Think 40 People Think About and as my feet are wound insheets, Icannot effectively workthe visibility. But that doesn’t matter. As I’m asleep, my eyesare closed, narrow and mountainous, and adriving snow storm makes for zero I’m driving an tractor-trailer 18-wheel inmy sleep. The is road a low conversational murmur withpiano ajazz background. inthe inaravineI can see lower valley. inthe As I grow Ican closer hear wakes me and Iclimb out of tent the and toward walk afaint glow of camping the grounds up Little Cottonwood Canyon. Something My son Karl is ten years old. We are sleeping inascout tent at one police. the Nocall one does. momentarily secret,and of Iletboth go them and tellto everyone in. Isuddenly realize I’d have evento keep to what kill is happening I don’t want anyone to know what I’m doing, people keep coming Shootingthe Stars” and Perseus the Meteor Shower slices through anthe above is open hillside Place” “This park. theIt is “Night of Tanya Varenka and Iare lying on sits which our on backs inabed floor. through sheet, the my foot findsthe accelerator and pushes it the to in her voice: “Where are we going?” “I don’t know,” Itell her, and Tanyapedals. Varenka is cab inthe with me. Ican hear fear the but standquietly I feelexposed, and wait. watch of both at them once, and though the skythe above us. Ifeel and achill * * of from them leaving. But Ican’t
begin to shiver.begin T.V. stares up bondage, trying tobondage, keep both trying at void. the story of “The with two women—more like Perseus and Medusa is amale some of crime sort sex castration myth,” she says. I am trying to commitI am trying * moon, but women the are sitting far enough from patio the light me. The piano is apparently inside. Abovethe restaurant full is a customers are two women sitting facing one another inprofile to Before me is an outdoor restaurant patio, only whose visible leaving you,” she says. andof down looks bed the at me. “I’m going to tell you why I’m coat she was wearing Ifirst when met her. She sits edgethe on shocked Tanya to see Varenka, fur inthe standing bed the beside back, Ifeel colder Iturn still. over on to my right side, and am It is acold night, but as Ipress inbed up of to middle the Lynne’s of conversation. their but Ifeel exposed, stand quietly and wait. one another and pay no attention to me—though Iam subject the Icome when them—even quite near. They are preoccupiedwith that facesare their inshadow. familiar, look They can’tyet I identify *
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 41 sine cera: What I Think 42 People Think About I must tell you adieu. despite my love of you— but doctor the says for my own welfare— Indeed, ours along has been love affair, I must caution take of my sugar blood level. adding weight Ino longer desire to carry. You’re fatty acalorie-rich, confectionery, in transcendent pleasure. always keeping me smitten You bewitch my endorphins, oursAlas, has become atottery affair. my desire for you remains untamed and wild. From first the momenttasted I you as a child, totally inintoxication. seduced I salivate like Pavlov’s dogsinakennel, You entice me with your sweet, delicious smell— along my and teeth gums. I feel your creamy smoothness, without doubt Your milky, chocolaty morsels melt inmy mouth. Indeed tantalize my tongue. Your crunchy edge and soft hub, Chocolate chip cookie,how you make love to my taste buds. One Of MyLovers One Of (An Open-Form Poem) by CyndiLloyd but gave me legandKeith the thigh, his of half breast, and Carolyn we were crazy. FinallyCarolyn said “I want neck.” the Ireplied. piece.” said “Okay, as long as Ican have neck.” the lead. hadthis to stop! Icame up with aplan and told Keith to follow my out on big the pieces of chicken. We were growing boys. We knew about four weeks and we were losing with a wing. This went on for unhappyvery getting stuck ofhalf breast. the Keith was Sunday Carolyn asked for just The athigh. following it to her, Igot so stuck with my chicken Mom leg. gave old, to she ask decided for Carolyn was about 4years a wing. back. My baby sister, Carolyn, got was never fussy and had alegand got abreast. half John, youngest the boy, got awing Dad or athigh. piece we eachgot. Iwas oldest the boy, got of ahalf breast. Mom whole chicken including giblets. the It was pretty standard which a restaurant until Ibegandating school. inhigh eaten;be nothing is to go to waste.” Idon’t remember evergoing to fixed meals at home, continually telling us, “Everything I cook is to to and time school, so money was tight. To help Mom cut expenses, “Okay, but Iget it next week.” My parents didnot say anything, We back and didthis our forth parents while looked at us as if I replied “No Iasked first besides, and theit is most tender Keith responded “No, Iwant neck.” the At dinner next the Sunday Carolyn asked for my chicken I leg. One Sunday when After church on Sundays Momalways a chicken,fried the When Iwas ateenager my father was working as well as going Sunday Dinner by LarryChaston as Icanhave the “Okay, aslong neck.”
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 43 sine cera: What I Think 44 People Think About tender and it good was. to get meat the out from bones, the but between she bragged how got neck. the Carolyn happy was so to get it, evenifit was hard to be eaten;to be nothing is to go to waste.” always gave Carolyn neck, the and Mom said “Everything is Icook brothers, me. especially ask for but them, for some reason it always reminds her of her older granddaughter. chicken necks If inarestaurant serve they she will smiled. smart enough not to get into battle, the and Mom and just Dad and rest the of us had to eat and legs,thighs the breast. John was This continued Carolyn forseveral weeks. always wonthe neck The part I always I part The remember,though,that is Mom Dad and My sister is now inher 40swith three grown children and one Judy got home. me again. She changed Rebecca’s diaper and watched until kids the table, making Carolyn smile. My twelve-year-old sister had saved and asked, “What Pointing is emergency?” the on to the Rebecca minutes. The dooralready was Carolyn open entered looked at me and rode onethe over mile to my trailer. She arrived in less than ten and could she come over immediately. She jumped on her bicycle whom to my get. Calling sister Carolyn, Itold help her Ineeded fascinated by threads the sticking out of bear’s the head. graduate and job. get agood It was my senior year and Ihad to my theoretical statistics midterm. down, Icontinued studying for Finallysitting everything. investigated anything and previousthe month he he had gotten his glasses was inside of it. Ever since pull itswhat off head see to to against trying wall the slamming his teddy bear old son was sitting next to me she was fed. James our 3-year- she was always happy and quiet after I can doanything. a piece of cake. former marine, having combat survived inVietnam, would this be youwhile are studying?” Judy asked. attend women’s the at church. the social Would you watch kids the “Honey Iknow you have midterms the Friday, but Ireally want to Becky began crying. This was critical. I needed help This was I critical. needed andknew begancrying. Becky James was doing well. He an had pulled eyebutton off and was Putting our 9-month-old Rebecca daughter was easy to bed it is 1972andBesides, Iam 22years old, finallylegally an adult. “Sure love, Ican handle it,” Iresponded. With ego the of a by LarryChaston My Sister sister hadsaved me twelve-year-old again. My
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 45 sine cera: What I Think 46 People Think About that.sent They me pictures of her after she was born. to give daughter their my name proud middle (Ann). Iwas very of pregnant with agirl, and she and Alan told me that were they going her brother, came baptism. the Alan,also to who see Alan’s wife was Isaw though, because was fun, my and niece her family. Igot to see home with Teresa for since Iwas hospital. funeral inthe the days after dad my hadI notthe had operation. Iwas not able to go hospital and have an emergency operation. Iwould have three died March 24th. Texas. We were going to return to City Salt for Lake on funeral the his hospital Since bed. we already had our plane tickets, we went to over 10years, but last the Isaw time himwashe in when was dead watching Cox, died. Ihad been Jerry himdieof emphysema for baptized.being But, day the before we were going to leave, my dad, March 19,2008to visit Teresa’s daughter. Teresa’s grandson was My sister (Teresa), her husband, and Ihad plans to fly to Texas on thatI was sad Ihad to miss my dad’s Some funeral. of my stay Theday after we got to Texas, I got sick. I had to gothe to My Exciting Trip To Texas by JulieA.Liljenquist fast. Bailee is notbecause after older does ball, the run andcan’t run as jumps on Zeke’s forbarks runs Zeke back when but Bailee ball. the he is excitedthink us. to see He drops it by our feet for us toheand can kick so run catch it. We always jumps up on us. He brings also us his toy ball. red soccer Wheneverthigh. my and dad Igo to my brother’s house, Zeke took one of puppies the and named himZeke. it. Beforeaway, passed Scarlet she had yellow puppies. My brother Paul to Frisbee the threw her and would Scarlet jump up to catch Paul. His puppy’s name to liked Scarlet wasplay Scarlet. Frisbee. litter, my brother’s wife gave one of puppies the to her half-brother, her.pet She is anicedog. sit down. She is like she aheater; warms up feet. their She letsthem Zeke. My brother and his wife have two yellow Labradors: and Bailee Whenever we play wants with Zeke, Bailee to play, too. Bailee isZeke abig dognow. His height comes almost to my mid- had yellowBailee and black puppies along ago. time From that Their Bailee, likesoldest dog, to lie people’son feet they once My Brother’s NiceDogs by Kate Cushing
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 47 sine cera: What I Think 48 People Think About enough for pressure the to build up, and muscle released the then clenched muscle the until stream the stopped, waited just long had aremarkably strong muscle. pubococcygeus Ibeganmy piss, I was, Iwaspisser second the best school;Ihave inthe always some slight advantage there, but probably negligible. As short as have an advantage inagame like and this, Isuppose there was infront wall wooden the of him.You boys would might tall think turn came, out pulled and his penis pissed as he as high could on of us formed aline girl’s the behind outhouse. boy, Each as his sure none of girls the or teacher the came around rest the while of stage-fright kept himfrom participating. His jobwas to make were old weathered buildings that with greywood had once been The outhouses hidden weretreesthepartially by and bushes. They were bitter too and sour for anybody to care to name. their learn bordered by big cottonwoods and thorny bushes berries whose schoolyardthe where outhouses the were.schoolyard The was and we no longer had to trek through snow the to edge the of thatbecause finallyfinished wasthey when plumbing the building Thewinter of 1980was awatershed for Creektheschoolhouse, Dik always lookout for My cousin Miles was always lookout for game the on account the game on ...Miles was stagefright account of account of painted on yellow; doors the were quarter by Randy Eggert Watershed favorite recess game. moon slits and signs indicating glad because they were they because of part glad our which waswhich for boys and for which it. We, school’s the boys, were girls. Because afew ofgirls. us Because kept but he never got around to using during them recess and buildingsthe and in fill pits, the handymanthe was tired of was going to demolish the pouring lime down pits, the that spring. He told us he he naileddoors the shut or more. up, outdistancing mark the other the had kids made by foot agood only slightly, keeping opening the and small, piss the shot out and again, were they?” have participated pissing inthe contest. that Paul because dressed properly and he never wouldn’t cussed, teacherthe rest the scolded of us. The teacher had it in her mind could reach us, reappearing moments later schoolyard inthe while put it away, and disappeared trees the behind before teacher the mine.the Then surpassed stream stopped. He shook penis, off his during he time which pushed stream the until everhigher it just towardhead on blew it; sky; and the pissed then for fiveseconds, which waspenis, as long and and thin fair as he was; held it upright, the-throat to sign say teacher the was coming. Paul out pulled his unzippingtime his fly,even ifgiving was theknife-across-Miles brother Paul’s turn came. Paul always got inline last. He took his “You boys are disgusting,” Paul told us. “Just go back to playing, Paul. care take I’ll of this.” “Mrs. Linas,” he said to her, “they weren’t urinating on wall the My mark usually held for duration the of contest, the until my
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 49 sine cera: What I Think 50 People Think About roll down railroad the tracks. chickens yard, inthe and wave to conductors trains when would I would watch horses, the sheep, andthe cows fields, inthe observe nine brothers and sisters and just sit and watch life. From tree, the time, that old apple tree was my haven to from escape my noisy was third, and home plate was infront of tree. apear But, any other treesecond field.peach wasbase, a A clusterbaseball of plumtrees Sandy. games, our it During baseball was first frontbase the of yard of house the that of all us finishedgrowing when up in we moved to days and years climbing trees the together. cherry, and shade trees. My brothers and sisters and Ispent many of sorts treesin had for all us to climb; pear, apple, apricot, plum, learning to climb it too, Ihad to Iknew keep up so with my climb tree front the inthe yard, and my younger brother was wewhen Vegas. lived inLas My older brother and sister could cottonwood, and many others. we had many opportunities to climb kinds of all shade, trees; fruit, with my brothers and sisters. In various the places that we lived, One of my favorite memories growing as akid up is climbing trees ...it was firstbase of thefront yardof My favorite tree was an old apple tree that was front inthe yard My first climbingwhen wasI five experience years old baseball field. The OldAppleTree brothers and sister, and climb tree. the One by Wilson Becky experienced climber.experienced The yard we lived day, Ifinally got up the lowestto that Iwas time amuch more limb, looked then down, got Utah next the year, and by scared, and to started cry. My mom helped me get out of the tree.the the tree.the That first climbing could climb up and down over and over I again till from climbing; Ipracticed didn’texperience stop me We moved to Midvale, of wind. the soft Their and gentlebrushings leaves the with created and just as Iwatched think and bend them flowwiththe breezes shadethe of our big cottonwood trees. I’d sit also under trees the climb and sit into watch world the go by. andthem relax. But another never there be will old apple tree to for cottonwoods, or Igo Sugar to Liberty House Park to sit under under cottonwoods the linger still within me. When Iget nostalgic memories of akid, being climbing old the apple tree, and sitting for strangers old the never apple who knew tree or me. But my old Sandy house is torn down, turned tointo soon be homes new ago,a few decades many of cottonwoods the are gone as well. The trying). one that Iknow of everclimbed(although them not from lack of music and to calm relax me. The cottonwoods wereso that big no Just like people and life, things get old; old the apple tree died Next to old the apple tree, Ienjoyed sitting and reading under
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 51 sine cera: What I Think 52 People Think About He attended our school, one above grade my sister. He always kept sometimes out we would himpeering window the see as we played. We had ason, achild our they knew age. He never came outside; as you’re when age, this over everyone like agiant. ten seemed home.the We it knew was acouple. Icouldn’t tell you how old, almost hear it. Nobody much knew about family the inhabited who that contained my prize. My was heart racinghard, so Icould front porch. that was hanging low. It fell far into yard, the by dilapidated the was low enough to one take off tree.the of There was one branch rubies, like stars. Iwanted to taste one. Ilooked for a branch that vast canopy of green spread over my dotted head. Cherries it, like thatcherries fell from looming the tree above me. Ilooked up, a bymesmerized it, entranced by it. My tiny feet fell hard on overripe and permeating the odor of weeds. Islowly past home, the walked mantis.whole The yard smelled muskythe sweet, stench of decay, we did, as we hunted for grasshoppers and elusive the praying brush. You could hideinthere and stay lost for hours; sometimes andfront weeds. The yard was an unexplored jungle tangleof and layers, to falling ground the grass crisp sheets tall inthe insmall and unkempt. It was old, blue paint cracked off and in peeled about. and alone, although Ican’t quite remember what upset Iwas so was barely five years old. Iwashome walking from park,the upset how Ifeel about it, abrisk day, amoment inlate August, I when key, some of sort clandestine that jewel can answer much. so That’s if you can reach through decay the and brush it off, the be it could somethingfind of merit, likeflash a dead, silverthe in of the dirt, in uptaking spaceand making things messy. Occasionally you will how you operate. They just exist,fractured leaves, like dead just that have no meaning mystery inthe of what you have become, of of fragmented memories, bits the and pieces, scrapple, the things not to fixateI try to hide the immenselabyrinthit in on try it. I I slowly and deliberately crept into yard, the toward branch the There was a house the endat of my thatstreet frightening was Cherry Stones Cherry by MimiBroadhead heard. to, exposed I had neverthat kindof the been vocabulary Ihad never anything that Iunderstood, stories of abuse, drugs, kinds the of evils to himself. Ofcourse rumors the flew aboutthis situation. It was never and left. “My parents aren’t home.” Ididn’t feel right about it. Ishook my head nervous and must have looked it as well. “Don’t worry,”inside the ifboy you said, want. There are cherries in the sink, good ones.” Ione. felt I’ve never been able to.” He stepped closer to me. “YouHe said, “I to sit used up there for hours and find andone try good can come through green worm center.small the wiggled “They’rethat.” like all ground. He proceeded to rip open next the cherry, it was same, the a centerin the green worm. was asmall Iinstinctually dropped it to the the stone from the center and placed the cherry in my hand. Writhing red juice dripped into my hand, down trailed my arm. He removed out your hand.” He said.boy The Iobeyed. cracked a cherry.open The aboutpulled four off cherries tree.the “Hold him. He reached up and effortlessly larger than I. I stood in front of what he said. He was much I had no choice but to do kid, come here.” He ordered. said. I turned to go. “Hey some cherries.” Isaid. boyThe said harshly. of throes inthe summer.dirty no mind, as every child tends to be in his head. Although he was dirty, I paid than me, and His rail thin. eyeswere sunken back into sockets deep turned. My raced. Ididn’t heart know what to say. He was much taller spot ona particular porch the that letout aloud protesting groan, I the bedraggled little boy stepped out on to the porch. When he hit task at hand that I didn’t notice when the door swung open, when They were slightly still out of my reach. Ifixated so intently the on When Ireached top, the Istretched my hand out to grab cherries. the steps. As my feet hit each stair, they protested with a loud creek. anything off of it, I would have to walk up to the top stair of the porch “You can’t eat those.” He “I just wanted to get “What are you doing?” I approached branch. the It In high. too order was still to take “You can’t eat those.”
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 53 sine cera: What I Think 54 People Think About the childrenthe ran what to see was happening. My mother ran over. outside home, the one the with mysterious the jungle yard. of All week later we were inawe all as we saw about vehicles sixrescue drug induceddrug fit of rage. listened to how he had died, how his own father himina had killed had shown mehow cherries, the were they rotten inside, inedible. I inmate. Then his pictureflashed across screen, the the who boy spoke of how of he injail, had alashing died avictim by another footage of officers police dragging out a man in They handcuffs. homethe Istopped, inon what Ifocused were they saying, stock insomuch as looking through it as Ididother things. When Isaw again, way the it had looked before. Iwas not watching news the thatcherries could nobody eat. Things went always they on as had. chopped tree, the treebrimming down, cherry infected with sad the distinct about it, it made it like anormal house. Finally they up, home the received afresh coat of paint, it took away everything forgotten. moving the Soon came, trucks yard the then was cleaned what had happened, she only responded with anger. It was soon She my both pulled sister and Iinside. She wouldn’t about speak The summer continued as usual, drawing to a close. About a It wasn’t until Iwas afew years older that Isaw home the casket. it Ithink was my dad’s spirit saying, “I’m free!” I could have it. It seen would fly up, circle, and comeback the to land on flowers the on dad’smy casket. It was a Monarch.wish I After Ileft dad’s my service. grave,people several saw a butterfly felt to me. like afriend of me with butterfly the on my hand. It was a Monarch butterfly. It class had pictures their with taken real butterflies. I have a picture I wrote about apoem butterflykisses, for dad’smy graveside When I was ten years old, I started liking butterfliesbecause my Butterfly Messengers by Tiffany Carver
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 55 sine cera: What I Think 56 People Think About I’m 100years old. newspapers, and Bible. the I’m going to keep coming to classes ‘til and amath packet. am learning away take and addition. Ijust finished a math book you notes. It was exciting I’ve because never done that before. animals, andaracecar. see fair was Utah the State Fair. It to was the fun read signs, see War II. werebooks about Pearl Lee, Bruce Harbor, and airplanes of World people. Iwrote and aspeech gave at speech the library. the class. aweektimes plus Igo to Community aSalt Lake writing College I could not read or write ‘til Igot atutor. Iwork with my tutor three I want to how learn to fill out orders and menus,read I’m kindof getting at good math, but I’ve got to more. learn I I wrote aletter to my landlord about my rent. Iwrote two thank In summer, the Iwent to alot of fairs to read signs. My favorite I have since read March. sixteen books The most interesting I can now write. Iwrote astory, and Iread it infront of alot of Reading andWriting by Paul L.Rosser fun tofun do. Will you bring to some munch goodies on?” comewill tomorrow. Will right that with you?” all be wentBoli with Papa to work and Mama alone, would all but be I Mina said, “Not Mama today Seewee, me needs here today because asked Mina to Seewee comewas Seewee. to meadow the and play. her littlekissed boy and sent himon his way. help Papa today important with some very things, bye!” Mama that?” help me with some important things Ihave to do. Would you like Papa?” Papa proud was so of his little boy, how could he say no? sunshine.in the asked Papa, Boli “Can Igo to work with you today Tessy doing wash the and cleaning, and Boli Mina were playing out he. lurking around what to see was going on. Such alittle mischief was always brought something to eat. good There, Seewee Lordom was ofwas leader the elf the miceand he Mina liked Mina because toliked go to meadow the and play with tiny the elf mice. Seewee had ahabit of disappearing and Tessy where knew to find her. Mina and Tessy had two little children, and Boli Mina. Mina was tiny but mayor. His wife Tessy club. ladies of was head the local the Morlee to live and happy was so everyone there. Morlee was town the themselves and children. the Thevillage was beautifuljust a place made ready for gathering the of wool the to make clothing the for would ready be for came. time the when harvest Their little women side. country They worked hard theirthat fieldssee in to the crops Lordom, but he was there. Always of mischief. full namethe of Lordom. Not many of town the people everdidsee Many years ago, inaland of mystic charm, lived atiny elf by Mina answered, “Yes Mama’s because rolls making her special answered,be Seewee just finewill “That and we can have things Mina was front inthe yard playing flower inthe bed, there and excited, was so Boli he yelled, “Goodbye Mama, I’m going to Papa said, “Boli, you can come with me to work and you can Theday was justright and Morlee had business takecare to of. Now townspeople the were sweetest the lot of dwarfs inthe The Magic Flute The Magic by Joyce Lutrell
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 57 sine cera: What I Think 58 People Think About his way back home to meadow. the Seewee’s mouth water. said goodbye to Seewee Mina and went on today and Iknow how much you like them.” You could almost see a boy...” with his story. “Zirro was only eighty three eons he old was still so play hard, to live and happy try time.” the all Then Papa went on nearlybe one or two eons old, you so that see, is why we work hard, four hundred eons old. “Now that’s old. We very only Dwarfs live to Papa stopped to tell children the that Elves lived three and to be anything young for was avery him. Zirro Elf. children. that would make happy. them that Thisthe is story Papa toldthe greatestthe everheard. they story Mama said she made atreat Elves.” Papa told children the to down settle that he would tell them This nightpapa “The toldthe story of Magic Flute the and Fairy with Papa. He would tell her stories and play on floor the together. Papa always had for time her evening. inthe That was Mina’stime up to? aboutcould thinking he be now, what kindof mischief could he be the Sudaliedeep...” ago in the land of ago inthelandof Lordom was hiding bushes inthe and What heard everything. Mina heard pony the and cart that knew Papa was home, and “So many eons The ElvesThe lovedZirro and would do * *
happy and wanted for nothing. see to itsee that Elves were always So manySo eons ago land inthe much king and agood to be would live he wanted so of Sudalie inthe the deep generous. of All life the he Shire, lived FairyElves. the elves. He was kindand very was king the ofZirro the * played as we doand told stories too, and she was always by his side. and friends Pirrona were good always very became together. They He lovely met avery Her Elf. girl name was Pirrona. and Zirro how haunting sound the was. Pirrona toldthat Elfina she felt Pirrona told Elfina the of strangesound that she had heard and told they took the Elfina and the walks storiesof they shared. how much she Zirro, liked of and talked many they things. She Shire,the sharing secretsone with another. Pirrona told Elfina rather misty but apretty still day. She thought about it, but finally she fell to sleep. The next day was for night, the Pirrona could not get sound the out of her head. that was haunting her, she could not forget it. When she retired handthe and her back. led to, butthat finally she Zirro Zirroright. was realized took her by towardwalk sound, the but it her to led meadow. the and she said to Zirro, “Did you hear that?” and were they having such time, but agood Pirrona then stopped lovely,be and and talked ran walked they through they woods the she with him,Pirrona would woods inthe walk thought that would meadow,the but never was she to go there. Pirrona again promised. took her to edge the of and woods the told her it was just beyond wouldn’t go there, she only wanted to know where it was. Zirro to get there. didn’t Zirro want to tell her, but she promised that she forbidden. Pirrona asked himto show her where it was and how landthe that was forbidden. told and Zirro story the why it was andwoods sharing thoughts, their Pirrona asked to show Zirro her little imp, always causing trouble. magic on Lordom. He would live many, many eons and become a wizard of Sudalie.powers The magical of Sudalie worded adifferent Fairy that of mischief wasand full his name was Lordom master the wither and grow old way before time. their There also wasanother not to go near. It powers had magical that caused Fairies the to Pirrona and her very good friend Elfina walked through Pirrona walked Elfina friend good and her very wayOn the back to Shire, the Pirrona hear could sound the still “Come with me, let’s go back to Shire.” the Pirrona didn’t want listenedZirro and he heard still nothing. Pirrona to started “Listen,” said she. “There it is again.” turned toZirro her saying, “I heard nothing!” Weeks and was well. passed all One day asked Zirro Pirrona if One bright sunny day, and Zirro Pirrona were inthe walking In land the of Sudalie was aforbidden area that Fairies the were
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 59 sine cera: What I Think 60 People Think About for it beautiful. was so like to go back there someday and hear that haunting sound again, brought her home to Shire. the Then she toldElfina that she would like across running meadow the and how stopped Zirro her, and crying to room. their Whatcrying to do? fast, but what could he do?Now Rainus took Mordem and Minet without his Pirrona. He had to dosomething and he had to doit fast.babies The very were fortheir mommy.Zirro would just die with her? She couldn’t stay there, she would wither and grow old he was butrascal why did he pick on Pirrona, what didhe want that story the Elfina told him. twins’ Nanny to come babies the take and care for telling them her that could not Zirro understand her. for called Rainus, Zirro the waited for Pirrona toso, return. came running Elfina to himcrying he made. Elfina made her way Zirrowhere Castle back Elfin the to that Pirrona heard. Lordom could lure one or many with sound the imp was up toonce no good again. It was he that made sound the home to what tell Zirro had happened. do. Frightened to half death, Elfina took babiesthe up and ran for thicketin the across meadow, the there was nothing could Elfina her saying “Come back, you must come back.” Pirrona disappeared “You must hear it, listen.” hear listened Elfina that?” butsaid she heard nothing, Pirronasaid, were and talking laughing, Pirrona stopped and said “Elfina, do you many weeks later, Pirrona they and the walked to Elfina woods, Shire. inthe born Two tiny Elves, Minet and Mordem. Queen. beautiful Elfin happiest day of her life. was beaming as Zirro he looked on his ShireEverything inthe just didPirrona, sparkled, so was this the and Elfin Ice cream, theand decorations were just wonderful. were meats special and cooked to celebrate. food cookies Cakes, shining over all Shire. the Even Mice Elf were the invited. There Pirrona were going to have an Elfin wedding. Bright lights were There were many festivitiesZirro andplanned. everywhere Parties lovedZirro Pirrona much very now and Pirrona loved himalso. Rainus told Story himthe of Lordom and what amischievous Lordom lived forbidden inthe area of Sudalie, and little the Pirrona ran and found herself meadow, inthe to called Elfina listened,Elfina butsaid “Pirrona, I hear nothing.” andZirro Pirrona were proud so of tiny their twins. One day land the well. there ruled Soon werebabiesZirro Elfin twin Many passed Elfin and weeks springthe was in air again. was for time munchies yet. Tessy shethat because knew grimed At Morlee time this stopped telling and story the asked Tessy ifit Zirro thatZirro flute ifthe powers had magic its good back it evenwould it would long, take for didn’t they have much time. Utameus told but he would into look old the records and find Zirroout. asked if now? Thewizard Zirro told he wasn’t sure how long been, it had fromtaken magic the flute now? Could forbe used againit good eons. asked Zirro how long it and be spell had would been evil the for would magic from the spell taken used be it evil for sixhundred flute and was toldthat it could forbe used only butgood, if it were tell youwill of my plan.” said, “My King Iknow Ithink just what to do. us sit Let here and I whatknew to do. Utameus thought and thought, of all asudden he askedtell him.Zirro wizard the ifhe closely to whatvery had to Zirro had told and Utameus listened Utameus that story the Elfina of King, the told Zirro wizard came at wish the as possible. Utameus the Elvesthe to come as soon forhe called wizard the of upset he couldn’t So think. was late. too was so Zirro get his Pirrona back before it was inadither.Zirro He had to babies the Yes.” Ibelieve ah! see. were crying, that.” mom’s munchies?” looked at papa their and of both just the yelled, “Papa! Not now.” Morlee was at most the exciting of part story. them The children Many eons ago aformer of Queen Elves the was given aMagic Morlee laughed and said “Well, right, where all was I,letme “But Papa we always have munchies’ afterthe story, youknow Morlee looked at and them said “Don’t you want some of * * given aMagic flute ...a formerQueen of theElves wasof
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 61 sine cera: What I Think 62 People Think About that he was causing trouble. the all asked Zirro Utameus to hurry elvesgood again. little the cure all elves that were mischievous, would so they be saying, “Zirro, my King Iplay flute, the may I help?” “Neither doI.” we must play. My King, doyou play flute?” the of great the and woods play flute, the even I foundthe thatmusic flutethe is over six hundredeons thatand we have to edgego the to have it, Ifound answer. the found Ialso flute. the Therecords say Pirrona? That was on many mindsthe in Shire. Well thatseems it Pirrona disappeared. Now once again, why didLordom want it for so smile evenmade Zirro and first the time giggled since for Shire the all mommy when comes home.babies The laughed sadness the wouldall go away. They evenwould havegreat a party would home, be soon and happy would everyone so be again, and do it in. worried Zirro, for he had much work little to doand to time very and go through records the as as he soon could. Utameus lefta very Now thought nobody of Lordom the asimpish the being elf, or The nannythe took music and playedhaunting a very melody. “Yes by means, all yes. You well rewarded.” be will About nanny the time the came from children’s the room said,Zirro “Pirrona plays flute, the but nowwhat are we to do?” answeredZirro himsaying, “No Idon’t,” wizard the said The daynext Utameuscame running. “My King, my King, I nowZirro went to babies the and told mommy their them ...I play theflute, may Ihelp? know? Lordom was put by under aspell evil the Now, where is flute? the Do you Queen because Lordom because Queen was avery time? Ittime? was going arace. to be handsome young elf and she and figure outthe years in needed aKing.needed Lordom didn’t Utameusthe find records like the ugly old Queen andlike uglyold the Queen and he beauty. Could so sheso banished himto because ofbecause her sweetness Lordom wanted Pirrona forbiddenthe area. Now again? Rainus played and played.someone Then said, “Whatthat, is Pirrona again, seen would everhave everbe Zirro his Pirrona home played beautiful, the but haunting tune. Was it to late, would great theThey to hurried andRainus woods stood edgethe at as Boli sat andBoli up said, inbed “But Papa, what happened to Lordom.” and nights, good and as Mama and Papa were leaving room, the treat and it then was for time children the bed, said prayers their asked could have ifthey treat their now. Mamaeveryone a fixed that was most the he evertold. beautifulstory woke Boli up and Mina and her little cheeks were damp with tears, Mina told Papa looked at Morlee Boli, said mama is asleep. Boli Morlee looked at Morlee asked children the that liked ifthey story, Morlee when old Shire. inthe castle What awonderful story. and under placed for glass It to see. all remains there today inthe wizard gave gladly it to King. the had flute the Zirro dipped in gold once again. come back and live out his days elf and agood being was too happy babiesthe had mommy their once again. things to eat, music and were all happy. so Pirrona was home. And Shire,the there was abig celebration with dancing and lots of good He happy was so to have his Pirrona back. Everyone went back to cheeredeveryone and clapped Pirrona, to see ran Zirro to her. meet do you Isee.... what Ithink see Isee. Papa gave abig and sigh said, “Good night Boli.” askedZirro wizard the ifhe could have magic the flute. The Now you ask what happened to Lordom? Well Shire the lethim “Yes it’s Pirrona, she is coming across meadow.” the Oh! How *
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 63 sine cera: What I Think 64 People Think About going here”; inher direction. Itilted book the out and go have “Danielle!” fun. to her, Ismiled like “looks we are Breathe in,breathe out. Iwas internally screaming to stop freaking and relieve me of pressing the anxiety, my “little attacks.” heart my breathing, would which apparently force my to heart slow down fucking mess! Iheld my breath as my therapist to slow instructed if Icould stop about thinking shitty the I’d news just received. causes problems? health Today held possibility the for endless fun, heads? Whytheir was Buddha fat, as adeity didn’t he know obesity change?a sex Why are monk’s always men? Why shave dothey Buddhist temple? We wanted to become monks! Would that require kept, paint chipped finger down into arandom mound pages.of supposedly sub par vaginas. intightening andspecialized improving appearance aesthetic the of yard, toilet the bowlshowroom, or office plastic the surgery that or it past. Iinthe Iknew was going better to than be lumber the random phone game book rarely Danielle, failed my friend, best I couldn’t have happier been to have chosenmortuary. the The mammal artificial mammal artificial I was scared, why shouldn’t scared? My Ibe life was abloody myI closed phone eyes,opened the and my book jabbed un- around alarge insemination we hanging Why were The Dead,andtheBlind clinic? We hadn’t done it for along but while, by MistyEvans etc! Why were we mulling around the I imagined it would play out the living raping cows, horses, hippos, same as it to, used a selecting Because we wantedBecause to make a place and spending rest the of artificial inseminationartificial clinic? the daythe hanging out, lying around large the mammal about why we were there Why were we hanging in whatever endeavor. our supposed interest answering questions about spreading across her face, cocked, head eyebrows furrowed, slight where it landed. never rehearsed it, but increation had been idea the since we left. economic viability of cremation Isaid as though I’d vs. burial?” quickly. protest from engine the as it roared to life. hardracking its mechanical enough cervix to create athunderous took another breathe deep before shoving my key into ignition, the shambles Iwouldn’t have to. time Islammed my car door shut and to miss herdemeanor, bossy but again then with my life intotal mirror “leave it” she said, and shoved me out door. the Iwas going rolled my her eyes,grabbed arm and me pulled away from the hair up, yet another to thing Ineed work on inmy life. Danielle that Iinherited from my Persian grandmother. to Istarted pull my skin, long tousled messy hair, and annoying hour-glass-ish shape down and fittedjeans. the Iwas opposite,with tall-ish, light olive square She glasses. always dressed conservatively inablack button me, a little brown skinned, petite beauty. Pin straight hair, and black common. She was distinctively Asian, fivesolid inches shorterthan than sisters, but mirror inthe we didn’t appear to have much in something shinyseen for first the time. We friends,were bestcloser front mirror the next to front the door like ferrets that had just andback pocket we for headed door. the of us Both stopped in she’d lounging been across. and breath took inadeep before pulling herself up from chair the loomingstood over her waiting impatiently. She stretched like acat way.” in my head. Itgrin. flirty, was both and devilish. It’sthe way always I picture her She laughed, “Nice, Ilike it!” “I don’t know? That we are college students researchingthe “So, what are we going she asked to tell them?” The drive was so short we had to figure out ourplan action of I ripped out page the ad, withstuffing mortuary the itin my I hopped up from coffee the table sitting been I had on, and “Indeed. Let’s go.” “Okay,” she “that nodded, works.” “IShrugging, don’t know. We can make something up on the “The forMortuary what?” she asked,with her signature look I held my finger in place just shecase indidn’tthat’sbelieve
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 65 sine cera: What I Think 66 People Think About talking abouttalking it, Ifelt like dying. arm and made her pick up the pace to get inside. over grass had ticklingmy dead started the gag reflex. grabbed her I Fumes rising from the suddenly visible, massive piles of dog shit all destroyedbe you when finallycrashed a plane into it… terrorist.” hire you as ahouse maid or something.” hips, “what are you about!” talking she demanded. throw people off theduring zombie wars.” to want appeartrying dead,“They you think to it’s an asylum to indication that anyone around had died here, ever. Humpf. nothing out of ordinary, the no rotting flesh, no formaldehyde, no inside is creepy.” aviewing?” call here?” parties dead likelooks afucking asylum.” apprehensivelyI peered out of rolled the up window, place “This there should have alooming tornado, been or hail raining down. whitethe brick was inappropriate. This wasn’t a place for sunshine, our to noses eachother.and Iwrinkled Thethat sun beat down on and grass the surrounding place and the was dead yellow. Danielle we’re here,” Imumbled. sarcasm. We turned corner the and found address. the “Looks like that faceagain. “Yeah, of course… I’m excited for this.” to her. Ismiled “You okay?” she asked with genuine concern. Ididn’t feel like “I you knew would,” Isighed. We up to walked eyesore the awinding sidewalk infront of us. atI scowled her yet again, and forward. started “Yeah? Why would Iclean your house? We know both it would “You really look Asian you when dothat. It makes me want to “What!?” Danielle looked at me furrowing her brows, hands on I turned towards Danielle, rolling my eyesup into my head We stepped out to smell anddeath but expected Ihalf there was “Psh. Insensitive!” Iscoffed, smiling, while “Let’sthe if see go “I don’t know. Af-u-n-e-r-a-l,” she said inher voice. lazy “Huh? What parties? Dead fuckis the that? Is that what you andDanielle waseyed wide child-like, “Creepy! People throw We parked infront of alarge white building. It was windowless, my nose, “WhoI wrinkled doesn’t?” Isaid with obvious “Yeah… and Iwant cremate them to see abody,” she said with Danielle almost hitting her shoulder. a paper-bag colored store thrift suit swung the door closest open to at clock the us. behind Icleared my throat, and beganlying. swallow. and pig “pork,”a cow “beef” words the that to make easier acorpse andparties, theme the is death. It was aniceeuphemism, like calling today.” Events? He said it like it was a theme party.“what can I assist you with There then? are no other… Funeralsevents for are theme whatknew Iwas doing. consciously improving my my posture, hardest trying to appear like I I turned my attentions back to Lurch. their mourning for their beloved Ted. samethe room to join in them intentions of putting myself in out, and I certainly had no them when the tide rolled I didn’t want to be near to un-beach themselves, were crying hard enough troubled expression. clearly deciphering my t-shirts in my mind. Simmons’ wore purple animal print me of afat woman These with atightbig, Richardfemale-like perm. Iimagined fat sobs. women. soggy the behind Loud sobbing reminded from Ted’s direction. Low mumbles, and blowing nose heard could be She and shrugged rolled her eyes.Weeps and hollers were coming something or other. us closely gesturing towards marked ahall that with asign read, “Ted” “Lurch” held door the open for us as we in.He walked followed behind She huffed, which meant that she agreed, but was unhappy I shotabout her aseriousglance that translated, niceIwant “Be this!” to see it. “We’re economic both majors up at university.” the Iwas so He waited for our to reply patient look he glanced trying while “Oh I’m sorry,” replied gentleman, the moth inthe buffet jacket, “We’re not here for the funeral, I’m afraid,” I told the man while that in whales The room “Whales?” Danielle asked “Who’s Ted?” I asked Danielle as if she would magically know. “Whoa Lurch!” She snapped hopping backwards out of way. the As we came upon two huge glass entrance doors a giant man in for thefuneral, I’m “We’re nothere afraid.”
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 67 sine cera: What I Think 68 People Think About and procedure, burial. Cost, we to need know it all.” on cost the of death. We’d about like to know cremation everything atgood “and this, we’re doing aresearch project for our internship walls ofwalls fireplace the were made so glass of sides,youall on could looked like afireplacethat took up morethan half the of room. The fireplacething. center of room. the Lurch stepped forward and infront stood of the never afford inlife. There bea appearedlarge to fireplace the in extravagance. In death, you can BE that expensive you vase could carefully dressing placed been inominous wall that particular for one was which with lined shelves of decorative urns that had whitesmall room. Thethe walls of room were mostly empty except open. He gestured us inside and we apprehensively stepped into a jacket with other. the The lock clicked theand door slowly fell fumbled with his keys with one hand, molesting while his suit her face. atglanced had Daniellebiggest who the goddamnpasted on smile down hallway carpeted acasino style that away led from “Ted.” I in. Iwatchedeverything her, and watched Lurch. we have afew hours.” Icorrected myself. dish out for remainder the of spent time the with him,“but really could tell he would appreciate of all really the lame jokes Iwould long doyou have?” incapable of judging you. man. When life hands you lemons, creepy, be and work with people guy is really happy considering his line of work. that Iliked ina a jack box inthe that could not stop wavering, and yelled then back to life. Finallyhe beganshaking his enthusiastically, head like through. We there stood watching him,waiting for himto come The fabric this on suit righton his sidewas the wayworn almostall fabric of his jacket his thumb, between pointer, and finger. middle He there stood expressionless, and almost motionless, rubbing the The only movement forsolid minute a so was inhis fingers.or “First things first,”began, he directing our attentionwhat to At end the of hallway the we stopped at alocked door. Lurch “Come on,” Isaid, and we ran to catch up with our guide. “Ok, well follow me ladies,” quickly and he very turned walking silentlyDanielle stood over her all eyesdarting place the taking “How long? The rest of our lives,” I replied and laughed.he I His stopped head moving and he gestured to clock, the “How “Fantastic!”this thinking, us. Iwas The sudden action startled people don’t of like idea the burning loved their ones, choose they about five-thousand dollarssome cheaperthanwhile so burial, rightlook into watch what was going on inside. others, Ikept and while about the thinking all how fucking ridiculous plots.burial were which All really cool, some that were creepier than restthe of day. the and what people do? dopoor ofwith all that they’d when just lost someone? Hardly fair, seems too. into urn.” the animated.” inandon body the activates “loads wall, the machine. the It’s very button,” this then he motioned over agreen button him behind casket and put then inhere. It fires up to about 5,000degrees and us to point to asliding door on fireplace. the worried he would Lurch Iwas rude. being think crossed infront of or thing the ever, washed bodies the if they but against decided it touched likepeople amillioncovered dead infilth. Iwanted to ask people piss and shit themselves die, and they when that slab had loading aperson’s into body Icouldn’t thing. the stop that thinking he gestured slab to ametal with that wheels was clearly for used here from coroner the office and we put through itin here,” and for life. When you cremate you of cut all that out; comes body the and aplot, is which pretty much like purchasing apiece of land do it traditional the way you are paying for embalming, aviewing, mouth agape. machine. She was tiny incomparison, staring up at it with her optionthis anyways of because price.” the He proceeded to show us around grounds, the vaults, the the “That’ssad,” Icouldsay.all was thoughtThe stayed inhead my And suddenly Ifelt alittle weird. Families would have to deal “Well family the does.” “Who pays for Iasked it?” “Argh,” Imade up afaceto had Danielle who hers scrunched all “Well, usually there is some bone left, but we break it up to fit it “And it just leaving Iasked. burns ash?” everything He continued body is ourput lesson, ina “The cheap wooden “Well,” he began,“essentially you when buy plot aburial and “Why is it Danielle asked cheaper?” enamored fully by the “Hmm,” Imuttered, watching incinerator. glass the is our cremation“This facility,”began, he “cremation is usually
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 69 sine cera: What I Think 70 People Think About to be broke, and it was going to affect my resume, my school schedule seem dim in comparison. I mean, I had just been laid off. I was going on fire?bodies troubles,My a while to me bigdeal were starting to our system is. We die, and we have to pay some jackass to light our hungry?” seatbelt tossing it to the side. was, “blah never mind” she shook her head as she decided against the with her seat belt. She’d clearly as as I uneasy about been everything hopping in. entire time. that I didn’t remember the walk back. I’d been lost in thoughtconversing often.the back very When we thecar reached Iwas surprised the fact that he probably doesn’t converse with people capable of mefreaked out. us He go, to sad see seemed and Iattributed it to carthe with an ounce of hand sanitizer. Lurch, Iliked but guy the internalizing the grimace for the moment, which I would release in reached out and shook his cold, rough hand enthusiastically. Iwas fingers. Iwalked over to him to him tell goodbye. weird silent, motionless thing again, except of course for nervous the stopped and speaking was staring down at aheadstone doing that eagerlyDanielle who Iturned back nodded. towards Lurch had who to rustlingof the his fingers all over hisjacket. I mouthed “let’s go” to and Ididn’t want standing to be there with Lurch dark inthe listening three hours. Danielle had to catch her flight in less than two hours, sun the realized was setting and we’d at for been mortuary the almost watch and felt tiny the attacks heart return. years since she moved Icould never really stomach it. Ilooked at my She was leavingtalk. back to soon Seattle, and it two while had been not success and money? Ilooked Sigh. at Danielle and watched Lurch and Ifelt as though Iwas completely failing at life. What is life about if into company, the Ididn’t have anything going else for me right now and essentially every area of my life. I’d worked incredibly hard to get “Are Iasked. we clear?” She again nodded and Ipushed on the She yes and nodded checked us. behind “Okay, well grab something before airport.” the “Yep,” she nodded. “Yeah Iknow it’s expensive, really sad…I’m hungry. Are you “I can’t it believe costs that much to die!” She said as she fumbled Danielle and to eachover Ismiled of car the hood the before “Thank you so much!” I beamed, snapping him awake. I It was late. We were standing inacluster of child graves I when much Ireally didmiss her, how happy she made me. Reflecting spend aweekend afternoon. Timesthis like made me howrealize gas. looking out towards road. the In of middle the street the there was piercing scream from passenger the side of my car. in sight, nothing to cause that kind of congestion. Thencame a forward. happened. There was frontroom in of me and Ilet carmy roll happened... roll down your window for some air.” forehead. live.”I’ll hospital.” sat up, groaning, wavering and holding her forehead. Nothing. My stopped heart beating. already shaken damage the her so was done. She wasn’t responding. supposed to dothat there incase are spinal injuries, but Ifigured I’d NO! onto dashboard, the unmoving, clearly unconscious. Oh no. OH her.grabbed restrained me, but she wasn’t wearing one. Iunclipped mine and breaks throwing Danielle forward into dashboard. the My seatbelt Then, out of nowhere we hit a blockade cars.of I slammed on my people always die. have They to; it’sthe only certainty inlife. It can’t that all bad, and be it’s aguaranteed business, Imean, tick likecool Lurch; maybeincessantly lick my lips or something. corporate aspirations to work at mortuary. the Icould develop a Iwonderedon experience the ifmaybeIshould give up on my I whirled towardsI whirled her fumbling Danielle to see for her seatbelt “OH MYGOD HE’S GONNA DIE!” As we moved alittle Ilooked around. There was no accident Thecars around me didn’t seem to whatnotice had just “No. Put your fucking seatbelt on! Idon’t know what “What happened? Didwe hit someone?” She asked rubbing her My beating started heart normally again. “No I’m fine, just my head alittle.hurts It’s notthe first time, “I don’t know. Jesus, are you okay? You to need go to the “Wwwhat fuuuuck?!” the she mumbled. “DANIELLE!” Iyelled again.time This she moaned and slowly “Danielle!” Ishook her. Iremembered that you are not “WHAT THEFUCK!?AREYOU OKAY?” She was slumped Driving away impressed Iwas fully with our innovative way to
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 71 sine cera: What I Think 72 People Think About attempt to help him.The drivers concern had mild their faces, on inched him,but behind honked, nobody yelled, or made any in front of cars completely oblivious to his predicament. Thecars a man, with awhite cane. Ablind man was wandering aimlessly be withoutbe once again.slammed, ourtrunk The “other and I half” on task at the hand, ignoring that fact the of both us were about to passenger drop off she got out thecar of without a word, focusing miss plane” the of assholes with all these fucking deal that just watched him?” She his hand grabbed and shook it and back to car. walked the that she had courage the to approach astranger didn’t. they when stepped up on it. tracks. quickly towards sound the of her voice stopping inhis terrified but only the to be person genuinely Danielle seemed out. freaked towards the man. We were silent for entire the drive. When we arrived at the She without nodded saying anything. “I don’t know.” “We Isighed, have to go or to airport the you’ll poor blind“That guyalmost got ran over, what’sand the She hopped into seat the laughing and shaking her head, “Jesus Christ!” Iyelled to looked Danielle worried who and was “I’m ok now Ithink,” he yelled back. He beganbacking up until he hit with his foot acurb and “Oh my god, oh my god, STAY THERE!” she yelled at him. “Me?!” he yelled. The blind man had heardscream her whirled and around out of thecar out of ...she bolted smiling to her. It were was as ifthey proud frustrated should couldn’t get out of her
me were watching all her intensely, seat fast enough. She was knocked traffic, the and cars surrounding out minutes prior and her was wildly gesturingwas wildly towards fingers weren’t cooperating to right the direction. She as she wanted. Ireached and watched her turn him over and unclipped her saw mouths their moving, car towards man. the I and she bolted out of the awkward. my Idrug feet up to her, picked her up and hugged her. ear as she oftensomethingwhen did sheknew was goingbe to before hopping out. She was standing on smiling ear to curb the knowingwinced was this it. car Iopened Sigh. the door, hesitating takes the life the takes out of living. arenever as they supposed and to be it’s that disappointment that as was it instead truly of how it was “supposed to be.” Things, are and we laughed and wept at absurdity the of it Life felt, all. for once, it didn’t feel that way. We saw of humor the existence, misery inthe pretentious,the unhappy, the we were alive though sometimes truly Ileft when her. In a world the of blind,thethe dead, over-worked, breathe. and why was that As bad? so Ipull off curb I the adeep took of in astate of shit, my family, friends, and were experiences Ihad, all me happy anymore. With my career and possible career academic than anything. friendship Our was one of few things the that made I crawled back into my car defeated. Ihated Ihated this; it more and rolled her eyes.Ileaned down and her cheek. kissed I drove away waiting for tears the always as they to fall did She and turned, shrugged, towards stalled, walked entrance. the “Your luggage is bigger than you.” “I love you too, you when call get home?” She nodded. “I love you,” she said. I dropped her, “Awkward, Ican feel your boobs.” She scoffed
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 73 sine cera: What I Think 74 People Think About handing Winnie papers. her walking Hence, and another wrinkle had sanctimoniouslythey and to scourge decided scrutinized by explainedthey skepticism their about her schizoid behavior, which warily accompanied into them warm the and firelitwhere den recuperation, lord the and lady asked to have aword with her. She things worse. wreck and that about worrying führer’s the would only make fury Winnie didnot waver, for it was apparent that she was anervous temporary walkout despite resulting the inconvenience.time This enshrouded completely her so that to it stage would a necessary be shattered.had been Nerves had emerged from woodwork the and afterwrestlingSo briefly with instinctive wisdom versus a wish to willpowerweak could not withstand threat the of possible wrath. requires was whitewashed with the “be-a-good-sport” line, Winnie’s and body washed-outher weary emotions. When unwarranted the amuch-neededtime) day off, she failed to considerthe wellbeing of well-to-do (and hence employer spoiled) to postpone (for asecond week before of last sheto when acquiesced whim the willingly her Well, once again Wayworn Winnie is without awickiup. You see, in thewoman’s eye That nightwhen she fromreturned dayher of rest and ...the wistfullook won herover Wayworn Winnie by WinnieMaeWalker please, the wistful look in the woman’s inthe look please, wistful the eye had snapped and her well-meaning plan won her over. explained that strained emotions whining. Winniewhining. woefully Wednesday was (which a why whimpering the and all week and after ahalf her However, following the house appeared, wondering previous respite), she woke her lady eyes,the of the While Winnie was wiping began weeping profusely. up without warning and should sap the of spring tantalize her taste for travel. For while of that type experience the applied could be inless affluent locales, ofexpedience returning to white-collar work, would which provide a few more greyhairs have appeared Winnie while weighs the suspect I’msuspect afraid. afraid, Ihold my erect and head ahappy whistle tune no one so will and confusion, like optimist the be I’ll sang who “Whenever Ifeel me and continue to feel worthwhile inspite of discouragement Fate where whisper to turn, for will as long as Ikeep my wits about savings. But Ifeel sure that present wrongs righted and be soon will can supplementsuch as time asalary skinny the wadof Winnie’s woolgathering welcome inthe warmth of Roger’s Retreat until looked upon as awaterloo), Winnie is simply whittling and wood frame of mind lower being (although present the is not setback wayfarer is about to go wacky with stress the of wandering. officethe routine becan quitesearing! Inaddition which,this to routine, confinement the canbe the quite On other hand, wearying. there are financial advantagesbe gainedthe in to maid-of-all-work So forSo what being, time the with wampum the low being and
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 75 sine cera: What I Think 76 People Think About It would certainly save alot of fuss. Within on closet the ashelf insome old cardboard box? To letting things accumulate some dust IjustOr shall resign myself, as Ihave done before before fastThink begin to tear I my hair! boxes Those plastic that sell forthey organizing junk? I’d neverthe find itemsthere! buried Perhaps abureau or achest—no, no, they’d deep. too be I’ve of scads things I don’t know where to store! are just asample of things the Ihave no place to put. some cards Christmas and by poems score the Old photographs and yearbooks,plus my genealogy, I simply aplace to need stash my “stuff”! have Istill because boxes up lined all around room. the and yet it wouldn’t enough, really be A chest of drawers, perhaps adesk, would go along, long way, but what up is still air. inthe Ineed asofa, coffeea bed, table, rocker andtwo lamps, I evenhave atable and two chairs, I got 15boxes the that were sent by UPS. Stashing MyStuff by WinnieMaeWalker Write. e re. Develop. Write. Share. Develop. Share. Develop. Write. Shar . D a e h v S e l o
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sine cera
What I Think People Think About
Volume 7 Number 2 June 2009 Preface
The DiverseCity Writing Series bridges the Salt Lake community’s diverse social, economic and educational backgrounds through writing, collaboration and dialogue. —DiverseCity Writing Series Mission Statement
I was two grades behind for my reading level in elementary school. The school’s solution was to hold me back a grade, but my mother would have nothing of it. Instead, we read a book every day for an entire summer. I struggled, but by the end I was an avid reader and starting to write my own stories. At first, the adults in my life encouraged me to write. Unlike reading and arithmetic, however, it was never considered something that would dramatically improve my future. Sir Ken Robinson discussed this kind of situation in his 2006 TED Talk on education. He noted that you “were probably steered benignly away from things at school when you were a kid—things you liked—on the grounds that you would never get a job doing that […] Don’t do music, you’re not going to be a musician; don’t do art, you’re not going to be an artist.” In my case, don’t do writing, you’re not going to be a writer. In a country suffering from economic turmoil, it requires minimal effort to dismiss creativity and imagination as simple luxuries. In a capitalistic society, it’s easy to ignore community. It’s easy to suggest learning can only happen in a structured, classroom environment, taught by professed experts. And it’s simple to claim individuals are only “writers” if their writing is developed for a paid publication. Those that make such claims, however, are profoundly mistaken. Writing, for whatever reason, is a sustaining force in the community. Since joining the CWC, I’ve learned more about myself and the people around me than any classroom could provide. I’ve seen writers put pen to paper not simply for publication, but to share their visions, record their memories, expand their ideas, speak their minds and attempt to change the world. I have witnessed communities brought together by words, and it has changed my life for the better. This edition of sine cera is a demonstration of just how powerful words can be. Included are memories of joy and sorrow, life and death, facing fears and learning from mistakes. You’ll read conversations about individuals and the world around you, experience moments of boundaries being challenged and hardships overcome. Most importantly, you’ll have the chance to join this community—as once again I invite you to share your thoughts, voice and experiences in future collections of: sine cera: a DiverseCity Writing Series anthology
Jeremy E. Remy DiverseCity Writing Series Coordinator May 2009 sine cera: What I Think 82 People Think About Who one asks directions of... When dragging achandelier through city streets at night One must careful be darkness inthe high Piled Classified, and Ordered and known timberThe of thoughtsour The variance of being, our now As acourtesy to powers the that be. Put our selves away for night the We stack ourselves intidy rows accounted for by C.Chambers by C.Chambers Directions Cities Where is truth? the fears that strangle ability the to speak. habits that are slow to kill, dreams unfulfilled, unsatisfied desires, our extent of suffering, The mind continuesponder to nor yours. I don’t care much for mine, This forms series of empty a adjectives and verbs. beating. still heart lungs keep breathing, pupilswide keep seeing, arms freckled keep reaching,these legskeep walking, pale these No matter, on nineteen-year-old feet. The weight of lifetimes heavy weigh back. this tickle flow downthis neck, cells fromdead my mind, lines,Crumpled worry a pretty face. reflectionA petty of nowhen person Days like these, Theviolent makes chill me doubt. Clouds have light blockaded from sun. the seems worthyseems of existence. this purpose place The Purpose of Things The Purposeof by AliaRose Thiel
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 83 sine cera: What I Think 84 People Think About make room for and friends the lovers, and constant sting of growing pains, and spirit, survival between grueling, pathA middle so can be make us question of things. purpose the Theviolent chills of doubt, from sun, the cloudswhen light blockade all moments,these It is our response to or state the of our gastrointestinal tract. or random the waves of emotions moment, we every ride is not measured of on 9-5Monday ascale through Friday, Perhaps judge best the of character you are what you eat. Ashley suggested, you are what you feel. My mother says, you are what you do. My father told me, familyin the of things. find a place forthe individual, It reminded me offrom first the time Iwas struck overhead. of gatheringa ballet whites clouds. and coalescing darkening. Puffy anvils were heavy sky inthe and ahammer was The poised. sky was I remembered Dad’s accounts quite well on aday like one. this The through heavens. the Thisthe was powerful most of Thor’sarrows. The skybe couldclear bang:thethenand massivecurrents raced a fire. As a pilot, he toldthat me he feared“boltfrom a the blue.” strange scent after lightning showed fury,its even if it didn’tcause shapethe and color of clouds. the There windbe would and a remember exactly, but cows. could kill He they would describe could generate and that its strength on depended its length. Idon’t quitecarried ashock too. He told me amount the of volts lightning air around bursts these as couldhot be as sun,” the he’d say. They cloud to cloud, of types streaks from all above, or wherever. “The group of people ifdoing so. Also, he would say that it shortest the to would be wise ina be coruscate, you could approximate distance the you were from it. accompanying bolts. the He said that ifone counted afterthe made up of many Then strikes. he would mentionsoundthe to crops the yet reaped. to be He about would talk being astrike plot, lightning He duringstrikes. dry claimed it was his dedication soil, the alone inantilled open tractor, of middle inthe abarren thing inanto tallest open the field. I often wondered grampswhy during lightning They strikes. wouldpay the beingprice of next from heavens. the always involved thunderstorms. Stories of bright flashes and roars but were they tidbits packed with useful of information.best The aviator’s with skies.Not dealings the only were spins the exciting, of life on farm. the My was dad apilot and Igot of decades an yarns were my father and his. My grandfather would tell his stories produce. Thetwo family memberswho could some tell bestthe of provided of me with awe tales the and that destruction nature could I heard about storms throughout my rearing. Two generations My would dad tell me about cloud to ground, ground to cloud, Grandpa about would talk dumb cows hiding under trees by James Mone Hot Air
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 85 sine cera: What I Think 86 People Think About allergies.” She went on he when didn’t respond. “How is Boots?” but himeversaw it. bedspread he was hanging. It should replaced. be But no then one my head, Inever letgo of it.” studied tattered Rik the edges of the perhaps you have still same the reason?” week? I’d every bedding imagined you’d given it up by now. Or was impeccable. The only itemthat hadn’t the fit ensemble was him. sweater and aplaid setting off skirt her hair.red sense Her of style heard car. the She would dressed for be autumn, with an orange seasons as he hung on laundry the lines stretched which from the down to afew huge pumpkins. He could smell changing the of the would alreadystanding be fields inthe theand garden stripped summer. At of time this year he when was aboy corn the shocks wind,the but with amorning forecasting chill death the of Indian bright late Sunday—pleasant October enough sun inthe and out of “I should have known I’d find you out here.” I’m justacreature “I appreciated your thoughtfulness, you know. of my Because is truth I’m“The just acreature of habit. Once an idea gets in “Poor you!” Her tone mocked himgently. “You air the still didn’tRik have to turn to voice. the identify It was acrisp and “The truth is “The truth of habit...”of by G. Richard Scharine grape arbor past halfway garage. the Clothesline so manyso before. times Funny he hadn’t driveway, wherehad talked they breeze like look strolling nuns. “The sheets rippling sheets “The the in She would standing be inthe You should one take of your able to one to talk another.” famous photographs. you Do photos inmy albums to be still havestill acamera?” to be in them. Ilike inthem. the to be when therewhen were no people “I stopped pictures taking “No,” answered. Rik rows maturing later that year were of asign courtship. their In the beans garden inthe on other the sideof clotheslines. the The wavy purring, against she had rubbed Lynne one April as she planted north. Perhaps wrong the had this been day to air laundry. “There’s plant interlaced through branches?” the and remember were they when young. What is lighter the green standing there, dead. This way both can I look the at healthytree one another.”killed were twisted together. Allowed to grow, would they gradually have pots. own backyard—seedlings that had arrived intwo huge cardboard happened gifts from to otherbeen the pinehadher They tree?” never at free same the time—though we might have been.” father’s, he wondered? “If you recall,” will he countered, “we were gnarledthe fistthat held it. When had his handsbecome his late.” have known it could never work out. We found one another too system. beneathwinter the Aleak freeze. fatal could surface to be whole the broken head. sprinkler That would have beforebe fixed to the first farSomeday be enough away I’ll to get joke.” the stepped over Rik a that too. You always made me smile. Imiss that.” spontaneous, pitched perfectly to her dancer’s body. “I appreciated never who a god sniffles.” of catnipcarpets and scratching that posts are legsto throne the of Another habit. “Long gone, I’m afraid, to Place, aBetter with cultivated garden. with made two up pillows. still bed the Rik had her taken place. Shehim, Boots was no buriedinthe longer you have to keep it. Right?” that aconclusion: was also “When acat you kisses patch, inabean house that afternoon Lynne had confrontedwith him a question Rik shivered.Rik A harsh wind was blowing rain clouds in from the “You right didthe Iwould thing. have hated still them to see “I had to cut one down. They were close. Theirtoo root systems Her attention had shifted the farto end thelawn. of “What to stooped pickRik up clothespin, afallen and contemplated “Don’t bitter.” be Her voice was gently reproving. “You must “Humor equalspain, plus distance, philosopher the says. Thelaughfrom the driveway was silvery. strung High and After Lynne’s no longerhead occupiedthe pillow opposite Lynne’s had been Boots last cat. Emaciated but and bedraggled,
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 87 sine cera: What I Think 88 People Think About a tree that’s always green! You must have pretty to be dedicated to using tree the as atrellis, and now can’t they separated.” be a grape vine on fence the divides which lots. the Early on it began temples. “Did you you think could make other people replaceable Theher house?” voice was more now, shrill beating against his loving, Ihad to find another way to love!” trappedto be into making “Beatles music” forever. In order to keep McCartney wanted to continue making music; he just didn’t want a metaphor. wasn’t “That it. SergeantIt was like ... Pepper. Paul right—to your own weaknesses!” ofidea change was you having it ways. both You were faithful all You me once of afraid being accused of change, but it was you. Your werewho you faithful being Not too? to Lynne certainly. Not to me. never speak.” for agap through he which might answer. “You know why Icould menacing away. and further He stumbled down row, the searching why her reassuring promise of simultaneously closeness seemed some old things simply not washable? He couldn’t understand stained. Had he forgotten to put detergent machine, inthe or were have your always wish. with Iwill you.” be free.than You be wanted me, but you would never tell me. Now you inmystood path. Iwas alone, but you would rather Iwere lonely many long times ago, Iwanted time but to every move on, you you. Who to doyou you is talking think now? to leave Itried you finishtask. his “Why did you leave me?” basketsThe were nearly empty now, and he was determined to one is me?” parasitic.” Her voice now. was sober “Which one is you, and which engulfingthe birchBeautiful,trees. symbolic, butultimately produces grapes. It’s barren.” in growth. It climbs and winds itself around tree, the but never thatfight all prickliness forgrapes.”the She laughed again. “How Dionysian! Vine leaves hair inthe of “Then why, “Then afterLynne was gone, did makeyou me move into aline to to steady grasped find Rik himself as he struggled “Yes. You it ‘fidelity’.” called The was laugh harsher now. “But linesOn the on either sideof past the hung Rik dark and “Me?” The voice part mocking. part surprise, is “I never left fumbled with clothespins.Rik the Was he always clumsy? this “It’s like we mistletoe the saw Polish inthe Bialowieza Forest, pointless. “That be would all vineThe expends its energy her too. You were center the still of your own universe, and Iwas Herfriends? memories? You wanted me, but you wanted me to be surrounded by your relationship to her? Her furniture? Her ofparts your life? you Do know what it was like, constantly couple moved in,with young children and Maytag a new washer- to children to stay own intheir yards. The next summer a new embellishments, boy scout beside campfires and inadmonishments and was forgotten—to reborn be now and with proper then, the contentsknowing gruesome truly the of back yard. the must have come front to closed the door on Halloween, not howto think many witches intheir kids and wizards costumes anything. When they’re that age, it doesn’t much. take It was funny knows how long. It wasn’t apretty sight. Still, it could have been and head sprinkler broke it. Face for down pool inaspongy god found 911.Apparentlythey and body the called he over tripped a ground and blown up against fence. the Underneath aragged quilt clothesline, and other pieces on the onthere laundry the was still that, despite weeks the of rain, backyardthe had noticed Someone glancing into mix with people much. man missing. He didn’t had reported old the It wasn’t that anyone of two or three that week. neighbors met ingroups alongAll street the the Why can’t you leave me alone?” movement, turned himself to confront her. “What doyou want? toward it. He reached end the of line, the andwrenching inafinal a hangman’s fantasy. Agap of opened ahead himand he lurched garden. Around himaphalanx of sheets jerked breeze inthe like change. Onceher, Ibecame would who have become me?” your to be still satellite—but inher orbit! I’m not afool. You don’t And so the talk went talk the And so that week, and occasionally next, the The driveway was empty. His throbbing, head kicked adiscarded Rik basket into the * reported theold reported It wasn’t that man missing. anyone had
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 89 sine cera: What I Think 90 People Think About those who had who never heardthose of story the its previous owner. took place, their and yard the rang with laughter the and shouts of probably agarden been wasAn re-sodded. expensive swing set dryer. The clotheslines weretaken down, whatand had once Of splendorOf in the grass, of in glory the flower; Though nothing can bring back the hour —William Wordsworth, Strength in what remains behind; Which having been must everbe. We not, grieve will rather find In the primal sympathy Intimations of Immortality Cattle is plural the of cow. has three hundred and forty head. Head is another word for cattle. Mahoney said twenty-three isn’t enough for aranch. His ranch more scared of us than we are of I’m them. not scared of cattle. Tim Wilson’s house. They stay awayfrom saysbecauseDad they’reus means and deer sometimes. And elk. Cattle moose are not game. going hunting. The guns are for shooting game, notpeople. Game back window.the You only put guns on gunrack the you’re when gun rack back window. inthe pickup All have trucks agunrack in mom drive pickup inthe us both will The truck. pickup hastruck a pickup Someday truck. Tim invite will his meranch to see and his school bus doesn’t go there. Tim’s mom drives himto schoolina lives on aranch, far too to bike to. The ranchso farthat is the from school. It’s only five houses away. that Mom my letsme ride bike there by myself after I get home his back fence into field. the chimpanzee and amonkey are different. Monkeys havetails. and peel, the he said, “Ooh aah,” aah ooh, like achimpanzee. A covered peel the so part and his teeth, he wrapped his lips around on had peel and the them, only still Tim they bit on orange the even ifit Ichew my is yuck. So orange wedges like anormal person. and offood part the orange the that doesn’t have juice init is food juice init that because is yuck. part Mom told me Ishouldn’t waste is you have to spit out of part the orange the that doesn’t have any in his mouth, bites into it, and juice sucks the out. all thingbad The and play. four wedges, two for me and two for Walker. She said to go outside Walker Wilson’s mom an orange peeled and gave Walker and me Walker and Icrossed field the until we were the irrigationat There aretwenty-three cattle thebehind field in Walker Tim Mahoney is my only friend, best he doesn’t know it. Tim Walker Wilson isn’t my He friend. best just lives enough close “You want to go to field?” the Walker asked. We climbed over Once inschoolTim Mahoney had orange slices inhis lunch, Walker way has agood to eat oranges. He puts awhole wedge by Randy Eggert Bad Words
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 91 sine cera: What I Think 92 People Think About really water, eventhough it doesn’t like look water. My sister Jenny at P. E.In spring ditch the on account is fuller of snow, the is which ditch inSeptember. Ijumped feetlong running inthe seven jump ditch. It was September, water the so wasn’t Ican jump high. the Walker Wilson 100son gets all his spelling tests. backwards God dog. spells everywhere. dad, and we are his children. Only you can’t But God. he is see you say church words outside of church. is like areally big God We watched it float. where white the Idon’t goes. know why Jenny’s joke is funny. whitethe doesn’t go to North Dakota, but Ireally do want to know said white the to goes North Dakota. Thatjoke, was a too.know I knowthey it’s ajoke, except once she said it to Uncle Glenn and he andis grown-ups thirteen, laugh she when says her joke because white Jennythe go?” is sixyears older than me, means which she has ajoke. She asks grownups, “When snow melts, where all does “I know word,” abad Isaid. “Crap.” I didn’t say “does not” again he because was probably right. “Does too,” Walker said. “Does not.” “Nope. damn has an Because ninit.” “Yeah huh.” “Nuh uh.” “Damn backwards spelled is mad,” Isaid. “I know word,” abad Walker said. Walker spit what was left of his orangethe irrigation in ditch. is mad,” Isaid. “Damn spelled backwards don’t go to that one. gets mad when God a church our behind house, but we “Which one?” we still believe in God. There’s inGod. believe we still “Damn,” he said. hardly to evergoes church, Even though my family God, andGod, Jesus are bad word and it is always bad. “I know that one, too.” because they are they because church damn. Damn is achurch inchurch.bad Except words, except aren’t they Damn, and Hell, and say it once.” the legs.”the word.”bad Fart! Fart!” “fart” stones the when made bubbles hit they water. the when “Fart! floor.Somebody had dropped a Frito the floor.on I theate Frito. told me to and look Iwas pretending to pick something up offthe supposed She to see. laughed. Ididn’t laugh Tim because hadn’t Taylor to under look table, the and what to Ilooked too see she was he was doingsee it we because were sitting at atable. He told Laura unzipped his pants and stuck banana the fly. inthe You couldn’t awordalso for hotdog.” said it. Icouldn’t help it. wrong. to his face. When you’re it’s thirteen okay to tell grownups they’re is anumber thirteen because with teen init. She said he was wrong fourteen, notBut thirteen. Jenny says he is wrong, she is ateenager says she’s not ateenager yet, you’re only ateenager you’re when “Like shit?” “She knows words.” really bad “What other words Jenny does Walker know?” asked. underIn it fart, says, dictionary the “A explosion small between “Right.” “Because it’s dictionary, inthe Walker right?” said. said,Then I “You’re not supposed sayto fart, but it’s not a really I laughed. We stones threw irrigation inthe ditch and said “Fart!” Walker said loudly. Walker laughed, too. I laughed. “Your cousin’s name means penis.” “My cousin’s name is Dick.” “Dick.” “What’s word the then?” “No,” Isaid. “Wiener isn’t bad. You can say it’s wiener because “Is it wiener?” “She knows word abad for penis.” Ilooked at my crotch I when “Which ones she know?” does “My sister Jenny knows lots of words. bad She’s ateenager.” Dad “Mrs. May. She didn’t know Icould hear her.” “Which one?” “That isn’t eitherbad a word,” said. Walker “I heard a teacher Once during lunch Tim Mahoney took abanana and
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 93 sine cera: What I Think 94 People Think About because itbecause was made before cars had engines. windows on car. the It is really old. There is no enginethecar in underneath. The crust on top broke and my tennis shoe went intothe muck youwhen have three hundred and forty head. Mahoney probably steps incow piestime. the You all can’t help it hunts game. Timgun. Ibet Mahoney’s parents lethim play with guns. Maybe he don’t letme have guns. My gunwas astick that was shaped like a to play anymore. that Imissed. Iwas mad at Walker for saying that, Ididn’t so want I shot out tires their with my gun.Only Walker said Ididn’t really, him to go faster, we were losing We them. were chasing guys. bad pretended to turn steering the wheel. Isat other inthe seat. Itold There is an carold the field. in Some kids big broke the “Worse.” I did. My foot was covered ingreen cow slime. way the All to “You have to way,” step the all Walker said. I didit. Iwanted two the dollars. Irolled up my pant legfirst. “I’ll give you two dollars ifyou step cow inthis pie.” “Say it.” “Two,” Walker said. “How much you will give me to step Iasked. init?” Tim “I’ll give you ten dollars ifyou eat it,” he said. My gunwasn’t really agun.Not evenaplay gun.Mom and Dad It was Walker’s turn to drive. He made driving noises and if youif eatit,” “I’ll give you ten dollars he said. “Shit!” Isaid. underneath. “Crap!” he said. Thefull field of was cow pies. Most of were them dry. Some were wet. you wet the green could stuff see almost. A dry crust on crust top,almost. Adry but Dakotan dieeating I apie?” great big cow pie. Fresh asked. “Look,” he said. It was a “How North didthe Only he was laughing. “How?” Walker said. “Yuck,” Walker said. cowsat “The down.” my foot grass. inthe It sock. the was cold, but not cold. too Istepped out of it and wiped and held bagout the to Walker. and not float up to heavenwhere lives. God “Now you do it,”said I Isaidwhen it way this it then because would just keep bag inthe word into it. Isaid. “It’s “See?” okay like this.” wouldn’t God hear “Look,”pocket. Isaid. Iput bagaround the my mouth and said the to tell Walker something. “Jenny told me another word,” Isaid. Sometimes we letgirls play, too. but I’m than cooler Walker. Sometimes I play with tag some boys. have any he inschoolbecause isn’t friends cool. I’m not either, cool go to back of the line. the Ihate four-square. you have to go to back of the line. the Tim Mahoney never has to winning. When you you lose have to play, letsomebodyelse and recess.all He is that You good. can only play long so as you keep Tim Mahoney was playing four-square. He can play four-square water.in the Up to where my ended. It sock was cold. cold. Really again. “No.” had myI still paper bagfrom lunch. Itook it out of my coat “Don’t.” “I’ll say it again.” “God heard you.” “So?” “You just said it,” he said. “I know.” He frowned. “That’sbad a word,”said. he “Fuck,” Isaid. He waited. Thisday, though, I went the to monkeybars because Iwanted Walker Wilson was playing on monkey the bars. Walker doesn’t “Damn,” Isaid. We back to irrigation walked the ditch, and Iput my whole foot I promised myself Iwould never play with Walker Wilson “I had my fingers crossed.” “Do too.” “Do not.” “You owe me two dollars,” Isaid. *
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 95 sine cera: What I Think 96 People Think About wasn’t aweenie-wimp. Icould say fuck.I’d say it without paper the It made me happy Ihad word the inmy It pocket. made me cool. I made sure up Ilined Tim. behind wasn’t aweenie-wimp, either. He probably said ittime. the all Iwasn’tbag. Tim scared of Iknew Mahoney God. would say it. He I folded up bagcarefully the and put it back inmy coat pocket. “You’re aweenie-wimp.” Tim Mahoney turned around and me nuts. inthe kneed “Fuck,” Isaid. He moved to his close head my mouth. “In your ear.” “What?” “I have to tell you something,” Iwhispered. “What?” He sounded annoyed. “Tim,” Iwhispered. “Tim.” When recess and ended it was to time line up to go inside, I we won championship the since 1975. Championship trophy. It and was fun exciting. It was first the time 41 and 0.We celebrated! We got anicetrophy. Iheld State the bythem twelve points—56 to 44!When we beat Provo, were they West because were crying beat them. WeSpringville. went to third the round. We beat Olympus. They points. It was 55to 45.We went to second the round, and we beat team you’re playing.” we go into playoffs, the don’t beatgo in to yourself.beatGo theto toteam. basketball the Hetalked said, “Now is this for real. When region playoffs. regular in2009.We season were enough to good get 4A inthe The Boy’sWestSchool High basketball team was 20 theand 4in Then we played Provo forthe StateChampionship. beatWe firstOur round waswith Skyview. beatthemWe by ten When it was for time playoffs, the Bob Lyman,the coach, Boys’ BasketballChampionship by Paul Rosser
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 97 sine cera: What I Think 98 People Think About Pepper died. another For dog. about ayear, had two dogs.Then they in2006, of his own. After one year of marriage, my brother and hiswife got saythey okay, it’s fine.” sale. My brother went over and asked our neighbor dogwas ifthe for and awhite chest, inour neighbor’s yard summer inthe of 1991. My brother sawmixwith black aterrier on dog, this fur her back mix with black fur mix withblack this dog, aterrier My mom said, “You to need ask your brother and your sister. If My brother asked our parents ifhe could have dog. the The neighborsaid, “Yes.” My brother saw on herback... My Brother’s Dog by Peterson Ervan years later, he got and married had akid My sister and Itold my brother it was okay, but he was responsible for brother spent with time her. Two taking caretaking of dog. the see him.She jumpedsee for joy. My home, his dog was happy to Pepper. The dogdidn’t like mission. When he came my dad. She always growled brother went on an LDS him. at himand never went near The dog’s name was The years went on. My mountains early that year. he thumped his and tail gave me alick. Softly,winter blanketedthe forsofa, he ascratch. posed Turning his head, eyeslike black pearls, going. Alump appeared chest. inthe Shaved and stitched by the concentration. he When kept Icalled on Hefall. climbedstairs the with musty, leaf strewn of banks weaving through the slowed like astream painthe quickly ebbed. with upturned eyes,and he laid his inmy head lap despair with abroken arm progeny. In moments of my His passion to was passed piercingthe eye. Border Collie contrarian sheep. Not one missed Hewas his calling. on thrived herding heeling. forehead.the He gave me his regal as look he best pranced while pointed straight waiting ahead, for arub. My reward was alick on He sat by couch, the his tan and white chest out, his level, head herding—he could doit. Ribbons and trophies walls. the lined coyote howling at moon. the Broad jumps, weave dumbbells, poles, Daffodils bloomed tricolortheand puppy trainingtook to like a Too his pace soon Black-Eyed Susan blossoms abounded about fields. the Work A Dog’s Life by John Boles with upturned eyes,with upturned head inmy lap quickly ebbed.quickly and thepain ...he laidhis
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 99 sine cera: What I Think 100 People Think About gone. We love cats, are these they like our kids. same names whenever we get cats). new The hole in our is hearts Igotwhen home from work. aboutbad it, but Ihad to get back to work. Iburiedhimthat night work, and she told me that Bitsy around had died 10AM. Ifelt with us. with a heating on set low. pad He always slept under our blankets about aweek. She kept himwarm by placing box himinasmall and fromin milk fed himmilk atiny baby bottle. She for didthis wife and Ihand-raised him.My wife fed himfrom aQ-tip dipped onlythe one out that survived of four the kittens litter. in the My alonghis story with afew words about our two cats. new 20-year-old cat, Bitsy, died. He only was our child. special This is It took two cats to replace big the hole inour after hearts our Who worry? knows? doggies Do For lurking around eyesor the maybenear tail, the There A month later we got two cats, new Tiger and Bitsy (we the use My me at wife called noon on March Iwas at 25,2008,while Bitsy’s mother was stolen he when was just akitten. He was are you’ll agreyhair or see two. no black dogs—not ifyou closely! look by WinnieMaeWalker My Cat, Bitsy My Cat, by E.Smith Albert Black Dogs with foam the white for den? the bedroom? Should she throw caution all to winds the and just go bathroom? Would brilliant cold white too or be stark for guest the for hours. Is icewhite abetter choice than white seashell for the to name afew. She and Iwould compare various shades of white linen, antique, cream, parchment, beige, sand, and vanilla, winter, whitelearned came intones such as bone, ivory, eggshell, off-white, with color the of white. of white. Sometimes she would have ahandof sample full cards all other daycome tomerits the in every discuss of different shades mind. For nearly three weeks, she would home. She could not make up her custom pleated shades for her She wanted to order some nearlyit made very me nuts. hounded that badly me so customer came inand department. Alady window treatments clerk forsales JC Penney’s white? colors? of white. Oris it white that separates into colors, bordering colors, colors fading to white and shades the all white. Therewhite is incombinationon shirts, on walls, with other than standing on its own. However, Inotice Ilook, the everywhere to seems the background be or for base many so other colors, rather and my teases mind is color the white. it count Does as acolor? It subject. blue, Red, green and yet one the color that catches my eyes Center, Ithought about color which Ishould for choose awriting Walking down corridors the of Veteran’s the Regional Medical After the secondAfterthe I week, must admit I was a broken husk of At firstbaffled Iwas by what Icould see. not However, I quickly Once Iworked as a When white does quit being Pick aColor, Any Color by Ramona Maassen When doeswhite quit beingwhite?
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 101 sine cera: What I Think 102 People Think About white or white? rice Even heavens the above provided inspiration, about hospital white or almond white? Have you coconut the seen searching out extreme of varieties white for What her perusal. my former self. Delirious with snow blindness, Ibeganeagerly one. went with magnolia. the made her decision, her choice was less than anti-climactic. She lightening, white rose, dove white and Asian lily. When she finally aqua, frost, sugar, silver, milk, quartz, baby powder, crystal, white shades Isaw eachtime her. more Each exotic: dune, honey, celadon, to clinch Itrotted sale, the out averitable cornucopia of white whiteness inthe Iwhirled ofcirrus. it Ever all. more determined starlight and stellar, moon or lunar, thundercloud, cumulus, and For me, down aswhite Iwalk halls, the is inany color. Just pick later was that you were Ifelt born. like your gave born being me your great grandfather gave me. It to me. special is very and your great grandmother, were who inUtah! Ann is name the anddied Iwas hospital inthe far so away from your Uncle Terrell honored! Thatbecausethingever the was most dad special my had chose your first name. I got to yourchoose name! middle so Iwas mother’s tummy and Iwas hospital inthe inLubbock. Your parents cousin his baptism. missed Miles, Ialso grandfather’s Even funeral. though Iwas same inthe town as your had to have an emergency operation. As such, your Imissed great ofpart my intestines collapsed, and I hospitalthe inLubbock, because at same the up Iended time! in things weregood happening change! many So and bad at how quickly plans can not get lost. to her house we so would handicapped-accessible van followed her inour rented inher car, airport the and we Aunt Melissa lives. She came to City to Lubbock, Texas, where your got our flight scheduled from Lake Salt me go to to still Texas and enjoy our vacation. next the day, So we wethen spent night the at ahotel. we waitedSo for people the from to pick mortuary the up his body, American Fork Hospital your to see great grandfather, he had died. By your time the grandparents and Igot from West Valley to the Ann, Rachel Dear Rachel Ann, oneRachel thing that good happened sixmonths But Igot to help name you, you when were inyour still Boy, was Isurprised Your great grandpa’s dying wish was for your grandparents and Dear Rachel Ann by JulieA.Liljenquist were happening at and goodthings the sametime! So many bad
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 103 sine cera: What I Think 104 People Think About the same aboutthe story how your great grandparents met as Iwas grandfather and great grandmother. Rachel, Iwould like to tell you something to hold on to. April 28,2009 Your Great Aunt Julie Liljenquist Love, I love much. you very manybe more stories to come. growing. You understand you when this will all get older. There will There is no mistake you could thatmake would stop our lovefrom my great niece. There is no way I everwould stop loving you. grow from hearingIjust story this told you. out with eachother. It grewinto alove that never end. will You can that your great grandmother and great grandfather to go decided Then he asked her if she woulddate himinsteadRay. of I’m glad of backseat the and asked her to get into backseat the with him. car,the she to started climb into front the seat but my got dad out driving, and my was backseat. dad inthe When my mother got to another woman. Thetwo men picked up my mother first. Ray was with RayCrandall, one of my dad’s My friends. was dad to go with told. They met on a blinddate. Iwas toldthat my mother was to go I can tell you some wonderful stories about your great I love you same inthe way, except it’s differentbecause you’re horizon. horse Paint, and rode up to heaven to cattle drive those blue inthe he finallydied at age eighty-two, I feltthat he climbed onto his in his own colorful way, helped form beautifulWest. the When and how young adetermined man could make it ranching. He would sit down and tell you what old days good the were like, sighted eyesletyou eagle know that you were with areal veteran. and sing cowboy songs on guitar. the His sculpted chin with his far- home was finallyfinished, Dad went back to ranching. home. Mom had it built just like she wanted it to When be. the two seasons. Ofcourse, of all children the helped. It was not abrick things he ever accomplished. how hard work the was. Building house the was one of hardest the hewhen was seventy years old. never complained, Dad no matter were they trailer stuck in.He finallyaccomplishedthe arduoustask to build anice, warm home, could get they out so of old, the cold romance that lasted through years. the Mom always wanted Dad oflooks yesteryears. countless hours sun. inthe His features didnot betray his slim rattlesnakes. His swarthy skinletyou know that he had spent and dogwere his good either driving cattle, or fighting deadly youtake anywhere about he when talked He, his journeys. Paint, over chasingall mustangs desert the wild with his cowboy buddies. his own horse, named Paint, and he when was growing up he rode cowhand lived who on abeautiful ranch inSouthern Utah. He had ranch, and wore his own cowboy hat. He was arough and tumble was acowboy.Dad He dressed like acowboy. He was from a Yes, my was acowboy. Dad He great was atruly man who, For abattle-hardened cowboy, how knew Dad to laugh heartily, With help the of acontractor, basement the were walls built in He met after his sweetheart World War Two, beganand a With atip of his cowboy hat, and aclick of his spurs, he could Dad wasaCowboy by Kyle J. Luke
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 105 sine cera: What I Think 106 People Think About the left the tailgatethe of thebecame as higher slope and steeper. where rest the of my brothers and sisters slid to. Isat back on inthe ax, shovel,the and rake, and corner inthe them placed away from gate. Thankfully it was up. Once I had slid down,carefully I moved dumpthe raised. Icarefully turned around and slid down to tail the thatI realized it was only going to get harder and harder higher the roar of engine. diesel the Ihung on to told the of dump until truck he never heard us. He and Gaylan could not hear athing over the hit like an avalanche.the had left Dad hydraulic lift on. Thenbackthe as the of dump truck started getting truth the steeper I commented to my brother Desmond that it was asteep incline. out and strip and haul Aspens Quaken for of walls the main the building Dad’s dream, aboys’ ranch. morning Every we would go morning withsentence. this he would Monday wake us up every morning at five o’clockthe in yet.” was ateacher Dad and summer inthe he when didnot teach Wednesday. Half week the is gone and we haven’t done athing “...sometimes you We desperately beganto scream and cry to get himto stop, but We were working up mountain on Cedar insouthern Utah “Today is Monday, tomorrow is Tuesday, and next the day is for losing.” can’t win On CedarMountain building, and we would volcanic truck rock by Kyle J. Luke hill we camehill alittle to seemed steep and to build foundation, the the to set bouncing down road. the The first roughly timbers upon. hewn miles anmiles hour, and off we went old diesel truck up to thirty upold truck to diesel thirty climbed into back of the our shotgun. the gunned Dad World War II dump totruck driving and Gaylan riding rode up front, with Dad lava rock. Gaylan and Dad go and haul another of load One morning we all didn’t hit her head. She chewed me out for kicking her. Ithought, a top down to tailgate. the Icarefully pushed with my she feet so Screamingtruck. at top the of her lungs, she came spinning like have We killed! just sat there, and said nothing. he got out, and he noticed said bed raised loudly. the slipped to bottom the of truck. the to stay uphe struggled there. Finally, gasping oxygen, he letgo, and and back and choking started himagain. He to started turn red as Desmond’s feet and climbed himlike amonkey right up his legs bottomthe of As truck. the she came down she hold grabbed of ofall his strength, he ripped her offback his threwand her to she climbed on top of Desmond and beganto strangle him.With on for dear life at top the of dump the Asrose higher, bed. bed the “No matter what you do, sometimes you can’t for win losing.” Looking overLooking top the of tailgate, the he saw us. If could looks “Oh hell, we have lost kids.” the finally stoppedDad at a spring to get water forthe radiator. As My sister Sheree waswith left my brotherDesmond, hanging Ilene, my sister, was first the to let go the of top the of dump
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 107 sine cera: What I Think 108 People Think About just give it alittle trim.” They wouldlaugh, and I would come out on top to comb. Iwould say, “I’m letting my hair grow out alittle; regulation. Whitewalls on sides,and the just barely long enough mesend off to get my haircut. a quarter. My would dad give week, and me aquarter almost every going to have long hair. In haircuts fact, at Naval the were Base only sure that Iunderstood that as son the of aNaval officer, I was not now growing hair their long. Iwanted So long hair. My made dad was hair. their had longall They hair. friends My schoolat were yelling, “Turn that down!” “You that call music?” officer. about eight or nine, he had received his commission and an became years. Though he started out as an enlisted man, timethe Iwas by Vietnamthe War. He proudly for his country over served twenty out of school, during high Korean the War, and was aveteran of was acareer Navy man. He joined Navy the as ayoung man right turbulentwas avery for time our country, and for me. My father My teenage years were late inthe and sixties, early seventies. This ...another reason The barbers on the base knew barbersTheknew onlybase the on one style of haircut, Naval One thing that of all my rock and roll heroes had incommon I loved themusic was becausemy parents hatedit by Scott Michael At about age fifteen, I discoveredrock parents hated it. hear Ican them still Hair and roll. My thoughts went from loved music the wasmy because baseball and to basketball loudbaseball drugs. Butdrugs. another reason I rock music. Iloved Beatles, the about he benefits of certain the Rollingthe Stones, CCR, believed in,andbelieved occasionally the Who,the Guess the Who, the land,the things that I Jimi Hendrix, and Cream. about love, sharing peace, I loved sang they lyrics; the still cuss like asailor.still Iwould go back to my weekly haircuts. Navy may have made himan officer and a gentleman, but he could to comb. Iwould argue with and yell at my about dad my hair. The onwith whitewalls sides,and the just barely long enough on top barely long enough on top to comb. hair. Taylor), and evenmy idol, Clapton, Eric boyhood have all short andthatI look Isee now Paul, Ringo, sweet baby James (James George are gone now, along with Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison. Who, andsound Cream. great. They still Unfortunately, John and Rolling the Stones,Beatles, Jimi Hendrix,Who, the CCR, Guess old days.good old college yearand book laugh at how laugh Ilooked. at Ialso the Manchu mustache. thought Iwas really groovy and far out with my big afro, and Fu had They whiteExperience. big guySo, afros. that’s what Idid. I way. which every saw Then I whitethe guysthe in Jimi Hendrix it grow out. to comb Itried it down, but going unruly it was very town. My curly and hair Ihad is to very experiment alittle as Ilet hippiefor adirty me IwasMissouri when called inasmall farm my gave dad inand didnot say much. In up he evenstood fact, This meantfreedom! Icould nowgrow my hair how Iwanted, and I think I’ll go get I’ll ahaircut.I think Whitewalls on sides,and the just like toI still listen to my old rock and roll music. like the Istill Now, many years later, my occasionally at look will kids my Finally, Igraduated from school, and high went off to college.
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 109 sine cera: What I Think 110 People Think About gaping open intotal amazement. off, thendarted and theoff road. toback shift seemed to normal speed. It hung inmidair for asecond, as then it fell to ground the time wewhen were completely over it, cat the shot straight into air. the to where we were sitting, under backseat, the to then trunk, the sound of “thumpity-thump” the as it moved from below engine the bottom the between of our car and road. the My followed head the in slow motion. one of “Moments those inTime,” to seems happen everything when her credit my mom didn’t evenflinch! She ranright over it. It was my daydreaming out window. the effect of: “Yeah, okay, Mom.” Then I turnedhead my to back go to was nothing around. So, it Ishrugged off saidsomethingand the to It’s not like we were driving through aherd of sheep or cows. There accident. Remember, just hit it!” toIf miss to swerve it, you you try might roll your car, or cause an “Warren, ifan animal out everruns infront of your car… just hit it! teenage world of thought, out when of nowhere Mom said to me: sitting passenger inthe seat staring out window, the lost inmy own supply of one-line these driving instructions. and “Check your blind spot.” have She seemed anever-ending me. You “hands know: at 10and 2,” “Always check your mirrors,” carthe my mother had some tidbit of driving wisdom to share with While Iwas learning we totime drive got that it into seemed every “See… just like that.” And she said: IjustI was speechless! stared at my mother, with my mouth Thecat landed on there its feet, stood forsecond, a shook itself I heard thing hit poor the front the bumper and tumble Suddenly, out of nowhere, cat this ran out infront of our car. To Again, we were road. on There adeserted was nothing around. One day we were driving back road. down Iwas adeserted Just LikeThat by Warren D. Price didn’t help, but Ican’t pinpoint-blame tire. the know. Given road the and riding conditions combination the tire mistake or my reaction was wrong aftertirethe broke Idon’t loose grip andlose moving start sideways. Whether tire the was awrong it off, andknowing Iwasn’t going to make when I it feltthe tirerear It was right moment at crucial the wondering between ifIcan pull a knobby might have saved me. Theresomething mightbe that.to Itexperience. was last the turn that got me. to as hard ride as Ididinto of turns, aseries little with so off-road haven’t had any problems. Thatbeingsaid, it waswrong a mistake on highway bikes including before Al-Can the it was paved, and I that was it—lack of Then again, dirt. I’veridden lots of dirt roads to explore West the on lightweight agood Desert machine. Maybe to ride,ImightGlides Iused have discovered how much it fun is bikesdirt instead of overgrown the Harley Davidson Grime- not having If riding enough experience. dirt I’d on started small backcrash. far Go enough and Icould blame whole the thing on mistakes. alotbelieve of things were wrong and Itoo, mademany too wrong accident, to butput trying things together afterwards leads me to probably would have answered same the way immediately afterthe “What happened?” window. He was lying and on apasserby sidewalk the asked him questions from before friends laying blame on anything. haveI’ll to rethinkentire the accident, and some comments and I might another need operation. DidImake any wrong mistakes? that required surgery. laid up be for I’ll two months or more, and broken abroken leg, and wrist, torn ligaments inmy right ankle lost Yogithey said, “We mademany too wrong mistakes.” Ihave a 1960Worldsthe to Pittsburgh the Series Pirates. When asked why I’m feeling alot like Yogi afterthe Berra New York Yankees lost One friend said somethingOne friend about combination tires. He thinks First offfrom I had to decide what perspective to theanalyze “I don’t know,” said. guy the on “I sidewalk, the just got here.” I It makes me feel like guy the that fell out fourth the story Too Many WrongMistakes by E.B. Homer
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 111 sine cera: What I Think 112 People Think About be somethingbe to suspension the it thing because have does a wrong handling, wrong reliability, and it is top heavy. There might to my Tom. friend It has wrong the suspension, wrong the brakes, rider is back to in the rider pick up any debris ride’s inthe wake. Iwasn’t was Iriding sweep? Wrong place again. Usually most the reliable itI realized was over. My tothings out. brain sort Why was trying pushed away from pile the and enjoyed afew seconds of relief when roasting under ahot motor or muffler. backstroke Afew kicks and I hanging over pile, the last the thing Iwanted to dowas smell flesh rubber, and metal, flesh mass quit sliding, andwith dust still wrong mistake towithout ride pants. Myfew friends. armored riding pants were home wash. inthe It’s a from acoffee cluband Iwas social off the to a with Desert West dayto the ride of accident, the but an impromptu sprouted ride with my bike, and made amess of my riding gear. Iwasn’t planning into amud couldn’t hole they Iknew handle. Iwent swimming mud puddle on another Ipushed when ride combination the tires and put my foot down. nature of my injuries me leads to Imade awrong believe mistake ground, or ifIput my foot down Iwent when into panic mode. The ofpart crash the that spun me, Idon’t know ifafootpeg caught the and heard gravel the chewing through my the jeans. Rethinking Ifeltsaddlebag. weight the of grinding me Killer into ground the bike was pushing me infront of it and my legwas pinned under the I had ahollow feeling bottom inthe of my gut, the Irealized when could letgo. Talk about wrong inthe being place at wrong the time. Something went wrong and bike the rotated 180degrees before I and crash the is over for rider, the before bike the finishesevent.the with amoving motorcycle. The motorcycle slide will awayfrom you siding, is which adesirable place ifyou’re to be company parting thought crash the was going well as far as crashes go. Iwas low- suspension. it down once it going starts that way. up front Maybe the beef I’ll factor. And now that about I think it, top heavy could help bring motorcycle. Suspension afterpanicpointthe might have a been agree that Kawasakiacceptable the KLRis substitute avery for a totendency dive during hard braking. But Ilove Killer. Most people My motorcycle “Killer” is to blame according for everything Back toBack Yogi “It Berra, ain’t over it’s till over.” When plastic, the Thewrong clothing? The beforeday mycrash wallowedI’d ina At point exact the of reality, Iwas going Iknew when down, I any resting place. Ifiguredthe guys the on endother wouldgive me standard position and I’m usually 15minutes at everyone behind didn’t get myself moving before my came friends back. Sweep is my supposed debris the to be and Ifigured I’d never live it down ifI shoulder and Icouldn’t extend myself to bike. balance the Laying position. A mirror or brake levermanaged to grab my jacket on the where it would balance. At that point I found myself inan awkward Killer. I didn’t any see help coming my direction, and Iturned back to like it20 feet was inlength. longer Seemed Iwas when sliding. smashedwrist into handlebar. the Afterthe swirl,the dragline was where bank the first the marksskid stopped. That wherewas my swirl where and Killer Irotated, right an behind impact point on helpbe on way. the Inoticed gouge the road. inthe the Icould see myself with abroken legwouldn’t easy. be lifting a425-pound motorcycle, by to get bike the back up and knew last of dust the Ihad settled. fromleaking as tank the the streamsmell asmall of fuel and Icould see dirt. the tire turned sharply into its right sidewith its front bike. was Killer lying on attention to wounded the and Iturned my survey body only one hand, Imade atotal theAfter taking helmet off with broken same the bone years before. Mywrist left the like hell.knew hurt I problem in wrist; my I’d lost grip on their bone the but to reattach. were teeth their trying bleeding flesh. The ligamentsexposed in right my ankle may have football, and Ipicked afewpieces dime-sized of gravel from the itrealized was broken. My right was already knee sizeof the a wasn’t anyone me. behind dust Iwas Irealized alone settled, and would for be There awhile. hang way back to avoid dust the from other the riders.When the an 10before extra Iusually move worrying. at aleisure and pace It minutes took several and three 100%lifts to get it up to aroundLooking area the for any telltale of sign dust that could When up, Istood Ifelt legbone the slip back inplace and motorcycle, by myself witha myself broken leg... 425-pound ...lifting a
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 113 sine cera: What I Think 114 People Think About I managed to lower kickstand the with my broken Icould so wrist to restpast vertical bike the on sidestand. the It but took awhile forgotten to put kickstand the down Icouldn’t so just continue it back down wasn’t an option as far as Iwas concerned, and I’d when this is all over. is this all when It thing Ifound was agood myself back. inthe I love riding sweep but probably will getfrom fired positionmy u-turned and dropped into my usual place at back of the pack. the for later me Afew miles them. going passed they other the way. I stopped and waited. After minutes 15 nervous I wentback looking didn’t catch me by I got time the to junction the of 36and 73.I in mythem mirrors inshort order and they when was surprised highway. wouldlow they catch ride.Iknew Icould gear still while me on the throwing down aquick one Itold group the Iwas going home in and gave acold everyone beer. We to home, head decided and after coming back to check on me. He had why no idea late Iwas so and next day. Anight’s couldn’t sleep affectthe outcome. morning.the Ialready had appointment ascheduled for 9:30the back on.boot best The option was ride to out see and my doctor in off,boot my foot would swell and Imight notbe able to the get made for along wait for an ambulance ifItook my ride.Iknew but and saddlebag, the icing beer foot drinking the would have get handlebars the off back.my I couldstillride... On highway 36,Ikept down to speed the 50knowing I’d see I’d almost caught group the Isaw when our Renn, rider, lead I could have waited there for rescue, Ihad a 6-pack on icein As longas fear of getting saddlebag stiff,the I opened signaled me to gosignaled onhe turned while my foot on. Refusing to sit down for around. Camden and John were boot was only the boot thing holding relieved inbut me ride to see wrist. Ifoundwrist. out later my didn’t realize how severe anything about my legor my injuries were. Onthe what Ididn’t to doso say outside Ihad torn jeans didn’t want adebate as to long I ride as Icould still and aswollen knee. As Cam and doubled Renn up and rode to my house to get my car and John got X-Challenge the to town, John for headed Park City, gamea new plan together and Icontinued home. Camden Renn, Camden’s X-Challenge broke down south 1-mile of Tooele. We put but myself. safe Ride everyone. a lot of planned rides for summer. this There is nobody to blame from Yogi one morefuture time. “The isn’twhat be.” is to use I had I was feeling spunky or end, inthe something. I’d So like to borrow whyidea Iwas riding that way, it’s because out of character. Iguess of turnsa series on road for adirt things considered. all Ihave no manytoo wrong mistakes. The biggest one was going hottoo into to me abouttalk crash. the Bottom line, alot of things... Imade house, knowing he would there be on time. doctor morning.” inthe Isaid “Good night”, and hobbled into the askedRenn “How can Iget your car back to you?” and to trailer retrievebike. the As and Renn Camden were leaving, “What happened?” is question the asks they everyone when part,”easythe “That said, I “you’re going take to me the to
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 115 sine cera: What I Think 116 People Think About son, Itold you not to make an ash of yourself!” Everyone laughedhard else my when so cried said, dad they “Well water gratefully and gargled from andgunk the my rinsed mouth. with a black goatee from amixture of slobber and Itook the soot. and Icontinued spitting out pieces of and wood ash. Pandemonium broke out around fire the as adults ran to find water out remains the of cinder the and shouted “Water! water!” Ineed piecethe of burnt Igagged exploded. and wood coughed and spat itpopped into my mouth and beganto chew. around to make sure no one was watching, and I quickly then I found alarge chunk of chocolate on picnic the table. Ilooked nothing but light the of fire. the Iwas on my when fourth or fifth There were smores all around as them we togetherwithpieced Uncle Cotton enjoying dancing the flames of a roaringcampfire. and smores. evenings were spent around campfires sharingsongs and stories some we haven’t since. Thedays seen werepacked action theand with aunts and uncles and cousins we’d never met before and towns, and fished variouslakes rivers.and also gotWe acquainted Snakethe River and gathered at cabin the for day festivities. time event, families found so camping sites up and down of banks the no spacethat would accommodate such agroup for three the day a hundred relatives gathered Snake inthe River Valley. There was dubbed cabin the “Dunslavin” inhonor of retirement. their Nearly reunion. Pa and Gene Grandma Price had built it 1950sand inthe grandparents built just outside of Sun Valley, Idaho for afamily The beforesummer I 13 turned my family went thecabin to my Finally Aunt Jo lighted alantern to reveal my facesmeared The inside of my mouth was immediately coatedsootwith as One such evening, our family was gathered with Aunt Jo and We beautifulSawtooth inthe hiked Mountains, visited ghost Lesson Learned by Warren D. Price even included some recipes. To my surprise room mates, Ilefta purchase of aset shiny silver new pans. They were de-luxe, and and V-8 juice. But my when firstpaycheck arrived, I went out to couldn’t either. cook we lived So on soup and sandwiches, apples, tolearned me take OUT for pizza. someone married And they else. lemonade. My pretended boyfriends but pleased, to be soon they scorchedwith green beans. These were served rolls and weak ofmeals beans and weenies, or mac and cheese, eventuna with dinner for about eighty persons. doubleteach will me pasta the involume as it We cooks. had soon us by and then, no one had bothered to makes right? sense, Mom had left pasta. One for each person. That require eight packages of dinner for eight would proud. Ithought that shopping trip, and Iwas French class. My first minestrone soup for my out to prepare abatch of one evening. Ihad set of horror on Dad’s face teacher. one came back for seconds, not eventhe battered bowl. My pancakes burnt, my scrambled stuck. eggs No Economics just across flew the room. Withright behindthatme Butcook. Iwasn’t. pretended to of eat Ithought this, Because them. that Iwas agood andcookies, brownies to delight my family. even Sometimes they present.a Christmas Thisfunway was a of turning outcakes, lil At eight years of age, Ireceived ashiny EASY new BAKE oven as Then it was on to lifethe in big city,where my roommates As college Ibeganto ahungry turn coed, out scrumptious look the recall I can still greenThe divinitycandy that we produced in Home Cooking Disaster101 by Rose A.Petersen cooking disasters. Which, of course, of Which, just ledtomore
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 117 sine cera: What I Think 118 People Think About screaming sirens. Oops. awhile. Shortly our Sabbath was destroyed peace by sound the of pan of chili simmering on stove. the Then I went over the to church These days These I just admit it. spree sometime dark inthe of night. the Oh can’t hell, Istill cook. down directions. the Who knows—I just it on may amanic try cooking shows. Inspired, Idutifully watch whole the thing and jot Itwatch news. TV the is followed by one of great those new Universe. JusticeI consoled Icried-YUCK. Ilaughed him,then till inthe turkey oven, inthe frozen with wrapping the on still it!! Ofcourse his own of set cooking disasters.to a cook he time the tried Like OUCH. her NOT to have his mommy bring over any home-backed treats. pre-school teacher hand-printed with asmall note politely asking Thatcook. made me MAD.really Then my young his sonbribed in tears…. Only afterthe divorce did I discoverthat HEcould I slaved over ahot stove. They would return refreshed, to find me dinners. at home. Then backit was to my shack forpot-pies cold TV and They wouldpack someup delicious lefter-overs for me to sample as presents. Holiday dinners at homes their were always atreat. marvelous homemakers. give They started to books me cook more cooking disasters. improvise invarious creative ways. Which, of course, just to led to me, Ididn’t evenknow what were. they Iwas forced So to But it GREEKto me. was all Half of ingredients the were unfamiliar Afterthat I stayed lateup nights“The reading Cooking”. JOY of Now I’m back to living on my own. with sun the and Irise But Time wounds. all heals days These sonmy withis a teen, My patient husband would out take baby the for awhile, while Meanwhile my older sisters hadtransformed magically into beans.” Depression. Afond comes memory to him.He smiles. chops, chicken, fried anything.” you fix like son?anything I’ll you’d like. beef porkroast, Steak, car. and worn upholstery many the evidence years since it was new. frontin the of station. the It is clean and neat but paint faded the and his ruffles brother’s hair. to get inon celebration. the trying bag inhand, grabs his mother and exuberantly swings her around. leave home and first the to return. They spot waving him begin and joyously. theHe is oldest, first to platformthe his mother, he sees younger brother and two sisters. window train the pulls into while station the of town. small the On Denver Grande Rio passenger car. The excitedsailor looks outthe he’s excited to again his family. see from San Diego, It’s California. his first leavefrom the Navy and Harold sits anxiously on slowing the train. It along has been ride gave me live on. simple over the expensive and fancy. He gone is now, but the values he many times by my father. He always emphasized the value of the Foreword: “Mom, Ijust want some of your old cornbread good and He remembers simple the of meals his youth, during Great the “We’ll have supper we aspecial when get home. What would “I figured he’dbe out of town. It’s a weekday,” Harold replies. “Your dad’s at work up inSalida,” Mom says as she the starts gatherThey themselves and head forbeatthe up carold parked “It’s home,” to be good he says quietly. Harold’s siblings chatter with excitement. He hugs his sisters “It’s to have good you home, son,” his mother says. “Harold Harold Lee, Lee,” his brother and sisters loudly chant, Hopping offtrainbeforethe it comes stop, full to a sailor,the “Alamosa, Alamosa Colorado,” intones conductor the on the Thisis a fictionalized account ofa story related to me Cornbread andBeans Cornbread by HalDavis
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 119 sine cera: What I Think 120 People Think About and melting splashing peacocks bricks rare in storms beads of cornbread dough w/ mounting spires like tallowwicks above bones adobe balconies like gills w/ frilly piles of living scrod and mis-matched buttons studding eaves, w/ shakes like scales a refuge slumping inthose bee-hive chimney shapes within Gaudi’s sloppy cakes I’ve aroom taken or little sacks. in loamy grounds by flavoredpounds tins in brewedthen or chewed to bitter black— underneath carapace, this bituminous shed, when and roast (in“showPicked berry pert me” red) o utsidefme. and slowing things unbearably Tampering of me with speed the to steam or boil, to and perk coat my mind. are ground to pungent to soil steep little oily scarabs hop and teem and grind— hopperin the of scamper agrinder like spitting bright-eyed chatter of and starts many (so starts like starts) spitting sparks and strings of starts and daysjagged pits with peaks Devil’sThe bean own brings Coffee TimeRag Coffee by C.Chambers by C.Chambers Gaudi like it you this, it’s because should try really fun. me want to go on more dates. If you haven’t on agroup been date Writing Center class that Itake. told himabout stories the I’ve written and about Community the was inawheelchair. He showed that me his book he had written. I onedessert, apple and other the cherry. We just ate apple. the He someone on Ihadbus. the seen He brought pies two small for never met until dinner. this It to him. talking was fun had workedalso same inthe church office building, but we had samethe time, was this before Olympics Special the started. We inSan Diego.Carolina Iserved while We finished our missions at wantedthey to eat Ibrought. food the other the guysAll were looking at dinner the Imade. Iwondered if atestill dinner the Imade. He told me dinner the Imade was good. brown and rice asparagus. He had eaten before party, the but he in butter, and topped it crackers. with crushed made steamed Ialso it was heavy. He ate dinner with me. Ihad cooked chicken, basted out to table the for me. It was really niceof himto dothat because church’s kitchen. And guy the dinner the Ihad dinner with carried Thereboxeven was a of pizza. But I made adinner. making it. They broughtfrom Café food Rio and other restaurants. Ipicked shoe the from men’s the pile. from women’s the pile. on with depended And Ihad who dessert men’s. Who Iate on dinner with picked depended who my shoe intwothem piles. One pile for women’s the and shoes one for the assigned seating, but eachperson had to bring one and shoe put Well,shoe? Ihave and here’s what happened. Have you to adinner where everbeen you had to bring an extra The dinnerlasted two hours.thatfun I had night and it makes The man’s I shoe picked eatbelongedwithto dessert to While we ate, weabout talked our missions. in North He served helpedA girl me warm up my dinner oven inthe inthe other the womenAll went and bought dinner instead of This was a church party dinner for singles. There wasn’t The Funny Dinner by Kate Cushing
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 121 sine cera: What I Think 122 People Think About tempter and would himof accuse total depravity! earsthe of his tea-going wife. She teeming would be with truly trouble that would coming be tomorrow reached tale tall the when tradesman’s wife,he would while tremble over thought the of the wouldthey taunt men the and threaten to tellthe truth the transpired that trepidations their well founded. had been Then evening into tolerating tumultuous the top-dog approach after it how trustworthy their exteriors of ladies had the enthralled the transfixed stares they wouldpeers, their of proclaimtriumph in after offering the toddies.thehot Amid smoketobacco the and teasing that theatrically had tainted been testifying they ladies tavern-going men wanted who about to talk unthinkable the while other townsfolk. touted as atrend-setter. If not, tut-tuts the along would passed to be quilted tissue. If it transpired that she was, she then would be her main was goal just tightwad ifthe hostess to see was using would have to tiptoe inreality, when down to atinkle, take hall the setter. tear himaway from his talkative visits to that transparent trap- recently had atummy tuck indicated to that tactfully she was trying atidy threesome!actually Orperhaps that fact the wife the had unthinkable notion that perhaps he, his wife, and therapist the were under his toupee.was formed the think-tank inthe One theory his therapist wasatempting actually trophy that he was keeping was keepingtaxidermist people on tenderhooks wondering if might tableOr the center talk around that fact the taciturn the what had transformed her tubby into thighs tones of tan tissue. topics about talked were Mrs. whether Jones’ trip to Trinidad was with tatting.trimmed The togethernessbut was unifying, the actual treats on likeatablecloth tortes of would or served linen tartlets be untarnished silver teapot would on placed be atrivet and tasty one another’s houses to have teawith honey and lemon. The In away, ladies’ the goals were not much differentfrom the Before much too invariably had time passed, one of ladies the days inthe Back before television, to traipse used ladies to by WinnieMaeWalker Teapot taken totaken my lodgings. to understand simple questions and requests. basic Iasked to be most to with dealing tourists, villagers, used spoke enough English my temples throbbed. Icould notRomanian, speak but thankfully I wasn’t hungry. Exhausted from long the my walk, chest heaved, brown and red spires of famous the Black Church Castle. provided by asingle generator to illuminate was which used the touristsouthouses and was villagers served alike. Electricity Modern plumbing was not an accommodation. Odor-saturated known as Count Dracula. birthplace of Count Vlad Tepes, better century, it when the became and unchanged since 12th the towers as unspoiled being roofsgilded and stone village’s buildings, medieval brochures touted the settlement. Sightseer’s I arrived ancient inthe purple evening sky when footprints were fading inthe setting sun’s orange and yellow asingle satchel.carrying The dusty,the mountain craggy road, Despite my along Iwalked health, ill from forest the where village famous the land mark was located. I might it.” as well see “What I thought. the hell?” “Since I am vacationing in Transylvania, were brutally slaughtered during Reformation the inMiddle Ages. Black Church afortress Castle, where 10,000religious zealots Thecandle flickered.villagewinked sleepy rugged a The eye. The three-storyThe hotel’s as firstfloor a wasrestaurant.reserved To “rustic” village the call would asevere understatement. be Earlier that day, rickety the tour bus left me five-miles away I’d chosen an old, decaying hotel, located near famous the My Vacation by Von Jones To callthevillage understatement. “rustic” would“rustic” be asevere
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 123 sine cera: What I Think 124 People Think About Opiated by nippy the night from and my weary journey, Isnuggled wavedcurtains emaciated like thin, the flags in biting breeze. window open. Crisp autumn smoky airthe chilled night. Lace at Iprayed, peace. and pray for still, feeling that to return. peaceful and my persuaded to soul flee, until I wasstrange, poetry peaceful Ifoughtsticky oozed. blood back. Igave in.Horror delivered its river of crimson, deep, deep, flowed. deeper Salty, coppery,thick, was submerged incold, greenish brine, thrashing, drowning. into my slumber. Ireached for something, or someone. Suddenly, I grand parents’ home. The sun, warm and sweetgrapes,rushed as bedding. the enoughmade adeep depression that so ensconced Iwas firmly into slanted. bed the But Ibarely noticed. The mattressgoose-down threatening to slide down upon hill the it which was perched. Even purchaseheads who such pulp. And,bloodletting. I’d made apretty penny pandering to poop- the ailing manuscripts telling of Carpathian lust for death and lurid As awriter, editor and publisher, I’d come across many sick and than mere myth, foolish fodderfor fomenting horror fanatics. Man and vampires and that. all I’d always thought it was no more Transylvania? Wolf stories. Ofcoursethe the meets Iknew Dracula a popular tourist destination.” andcould walk regain my strength. arest,I needed preferably inafresh-air, mountain region where I greatness. intellectuals,half-baked crazywith thoughts of own their literary letters, proposals, and heaps of debris sent to me by wannabes and office, beneath a landslide buried half-read of manuscripts, query dormanttriggered desires adventure. of medieval of spending amonth vacationing bucolic inthe Romanian hills beneath heavy blankets. Iwas tired, yet exhilarated.thought The Darkness fell and to leave Idecided mybedroom second-floor I dreamed Iwas at war. People ran, shouting. of red, Asea a I dreamed Iwas as achild sitting on back porch the of my The ochre-coloredold, hotel leaned precariously, as if Who hasn’t heard haunted the legends of Romania, particularly “More people than you might think,” travel the agent said. “It’s “Who to goes Romania for vacation?” Iasked. kingdom “The Dacia”of the brochure read. When Isuffered amild myocardial infarction, saidmy doctor Two weeks ago, Iwas hunkered inmy cluttered publisher’s smelling aroma to me from called restaurant the below. window dimlight letinthe of gray the dawn. Awarm, tasty- ve have more tourists coming today.” gulps. ofglass juice Ieversaw. Iswallowed scrumptious the liquid in you have.” serve.” halt at one of dinning the tables. The waiter said:and smiled “Not quite, sir. But fresh.it is Unt “More!” Idemanded. “Is that tomato juice?” It wasn’t long before waiter the brought me biggest, the reddest “Well, it smells delicious,” Isaid. “Bring me biggest the portion “Ve only have vunitem on menu, the sir. It is only the thing ve “I What am starving. good?” smells so “Velcome!” The waiter was as time.old as Half-dressed, down Ifled the stony stairs andcame pantingto a When Iawoke, Iwas famished. My neck was stiff. Theopen alright,”“Everything be will someone assured me.
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 125 sine cera: What I Think 126 People Think About demons at Price the flat chuckle. Madnessthis. was areason of its own. blocks back to headquarters. Obviously, Price is mad and had done flat.the greetstheHe coroner. was. werecrimes not supposed to happen century. 20th inthe Yet here it weapons This was 1914England. inhis possession. God! Brutal of any bludgeon before he appeared at station. the There were no bare hands?” Bobby there anything. ifhe has seen overcooked at breakfast, maybejust ravings the of his own mind?” to himself. “Was Price despairing over his poverty or his egg spatters around. walls the face is gone inapulp hersoaks of housedress flesh. The blood and phrases. Then, “Evil,evil,” softly as he cries into his cupped hands. found crime. the He Price recognized and to them his guided flat. drippingstill Except blood. for Sgt.O’Malley, wouldn’t they have is mixed with generalBlood refuse. woman and four children litter flat the in Birmingham, England. InspectorChief Dregs has never gotten A crimes. to these used Whilst Inspector Chief Dregs down walks street, the the freshnessThe nags scene the still of at Dregs,the six as he walks “They’re all yours soonthe as as photog’ finishes,” he said. Inspector Dregs steps photographer past police the and exits his familyPrice either with his killed bare hands or disposed “I’ve stranger.” seen replies Inspector. the “No, Gove‘nor,” he says. “Do ya’ suppose he with didthis his Dregs for looks aweapon flat. inthe He finds none and the asks “What would drive muses aman Inspector, the to this?” Before Dregs lay amother, wife and family. Half woman’s the Price sits holding inthe and cell rails incoherent words and perpetratorThe arrived theat North Birminghampolice station by HalDavis The Flat he will find fruitless he will to it follow thatme beg and you do yourbest to ship upon we which sail, shall or its of port departure. Iregret that of State forbid me from revealing name the of my regiment, the “see me off.” express Please to him my deepest regretsthat Matters to his abiding Patriotism, desire will upon to learning news, this a Gentleman and that kept me silent at table. the News,—to you. Iconfess to afailure of that courage becomes which considering how and to when “break news”—O, the grievous the remarked upon by derived all, from my confusion of mind when duty to King could andthus Country sunder me from you. morning. Nothingvery less than my Knowledge that Imust away this Womanhood—and certain the iswhich aTestament to your condition revealed newly never more than inthat so Iholdin which you—and tendernessthe of affection rather commingling the of semblance of “horror,” but erroneously assumed, any your revelation were not, as my visage upon receiving within me that youon descried with me secretthat the would bind us for Eternity. Orders afternoon, arrivedmere very this hoursbefore you shared nowhen one can foretell. My regiment away. called has been My momentvery of our greatest Joy—the that news we must until part, onbosom occasion the that Iam required to impart to you—at the poor linescannot These adequately expressSorrowthe that fills my My Dearest Emmaline, No doubt your Father, whom Ihold due utmost inthe Respect, myLikewise, lack of appetite at dinner evening, this was which me assureLet you that emotions the Letter fromCMLongwood by James H.Rosinus ...how andwhen grievous News... news”—O, the to “breakthe
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 127 sine cera: What I Think 128 People Think About with your family attending upon that niceties legal the have hospitality accorded many me these months Ihave while resided dissuade himfrom Endeavour. the Charles Merriman Longwood Your loving fiancé, With Affection I true remain, all prevented my coming into my Inheritance. Please also give also myPlease Regards to your dear Mother for the must mail, inthe be somewhere. spare adime? Orafew coins for I’m laundry? the sure that check Kitchen. Well, gotta along run now, and by way, the can anybody Tramp on Trax, the OrIcan join disadvantaged the at Soup the getting what exactly Ineed.can play on Lady the Train, the or the advantages. having Like an apartment, for instance. And sometimes to affordpair a of shoes. Butbeing labeled “disabled” hasalso its me. long, long lines for aturkey dinner downtown…. Its same the to all up another from CAREBox my family, or stand inone of those you have to pretend; aftergirl’sall, a gottaeat. Butwhether I open ScarlettLike OHara putting on demlong green gloves sometimes play System. the You can’t appear Desperate, to be evenifyou are. trench coat…Carefree The Actor’sLife for ME. But on street, the Ican slouch about and sun incool glasses a sister’s many mansions, Imust sedate, be dignified, and responsible. proven to aboon my own to be Welfare very State. For within my Relatives!!! Having into born been class middle asolid family has ofbecause simple the that fact, My All Wealth Comes from My my relative! wouldn’t you know it, one of (Patrick them turns Henry) out to be handed over “our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.” And of Declaration the of Independence were of thinking Me, as they of our ahelping citizens need will hand Up …” Maybe signers the thatseems FDR of was speaking ME,personally as he stated “some etc. You would that think Iowe USgovernment the aliving. It manythe mounds of checks from welfare, disability, security social I have that always POOR; is adocumented judging been fact, by Seems like I should be further along like Ishould by further Seems be now, or at least able Somewhere along way, the you just to learn play pi-ano, the or I’ve heard that Wealth All Is Relative; Iknow true to this be Pretensions of Wealth of Pretensions by Rose A.Petersen
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 129 sine cera: What I Think 130 People Think About Call on me,Call Iam here— on me,Call Iam here To spread your wings ifyouSo want to learn And to aheart help you fly Thatgives these armsme to hold It is my family I am caregiver, the mother the and rock the on me,Call Iam here Someone cares who ifyou a friend So need of hope are times when Seeds rough Thatgives me love to spread about It is my family I am caregiver, the mother the and rock. the on me,Call Iam here A hug or anchor inastorm ifyou someoneSo need That helps be me me to Thatgives the me strength yousee It is my family I am caregiver, the mother the and rock. the the MotherandRock I AmtheCaregiver, by Ramona Maassen a team of horses. The house was not completely finished when my by hiskilled own deputy.basement The was dug out by dad my and laterwho sheriff the became of Price, andUtah, was accidentally ten or eleven he when died. from cave acoalmine inPrice, Utah. He had abroken back. Iwas girls. Iam youngest the boy. mymarried inPrice. dad had six They brats,boysthree threeand nearby. My mom grewup on sheep this ranch. thereborn my because grandpa and great uncle had asheep ranch her Neola, afterthe town. My mom was in Neola, Utah. The doctor named onborn Indian the reservation was first the white woman Neola Wilkerson. My mom director,film and my mom, singer, Orson Welles, a 1915: Nat King a Cole, Americans were in born infive games.Series Philadelphia World inthe in aMercedes. Boston beat 500 at hour eighty-nine per miles Palma won fifth the annual Indianapolis Chicago. Ford Henry produced his one-millionth car. De Ralph thousand people protested closing the of saloonson Sundays in navy attacked aU.S. freighter containing wheat for Britain. Forty average house price was $4,289. was nine cents. The U.S. gas wastwenty-five centsgallon. per The A one pound loaf of bread cents. was seven One quart of milk Prices were much lowerpostage in1915.The stamp wastwo cents. The house we lived inwas built by dad my and Marion Bliss, My inahospital died dad City in Salt of Lake complications Years later, family the moved to Price, Utah. My mom met and At least three great marked1915 also of beginning the manyGerman things. The A Great American A Great by ElvinGage great Americans At leastthree were born in 1915...
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 131 sine cera: What I Think 132 People Think About from shed and coal the split and stack wood. anuse outhouse. In winter, the that’s not Ihad to fun. get coal the died. Fordad instance, bathroom the was not done, and we had to really good year,really good for me! mom’s in1915,Iwouldn’t birth Iam who today. be 1915was a this. fresh salmon on street. the They’d make pretty money doinggood smoke it, or it. freeze would When salmon, had extra they sell they boat there. to salmon,used They thethey’dthenbring in can it, fishing once a year. had They commercial fishing licenses anda Eventually, she and agroup of would friends go to Alaska salmon over and deer the Ishot under deer. the We laugh about still this. path infront of us. We took our but time she up ended shooting time, we were down walking aroad, across walking with adeer the out of ajackrabbit. We never hunted for it sport, for was all meat. to fish. She was such a good hunterthat eyesshethe could knock accurately, hunt deer, antelope, elk, and and moose, she taught me As Igrewup without my dad, my mom taught me how to shoot My ninety-four mom be on will July 2009.Without 20th, my Aftergrew I up, my mom remarried and movedCalifornia. to We bow hunted, also but we weren’t at good that. very One this experience, Iwrote the following:. horizon. In attempting to express some of what Ihave learned from high above the crowd, facing west asthe sun sank on the high desert but there was something beautiful very about observing the scene was considerable discomfort during the hour it took to get the shots suspended on crosses flanking the actor who portrayed Jesus. There chuckbentley.typepad.com/shortfilms/). I was one of the thieves the crucifixion for a film by Crown Financial Ministries (http:// Foreword: Earlier this month, Iparticipated in adepiction of I know he hangs who does it. me. beside So I enlist my fellow felon inone last larceny: pocketed memoriespocketed other when people The Thief ontheCross The Thief unable to resist nature, this claimed happiness Ididnot buy. And so weAnd so diecommon thieves who stealmywho place inparadise. took that time wasn’t mine, Even under pain of torture I stole and aheart broke it, by DanChristensen The Crime. Perfect got distracted, I am athief. He agrees.
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 133 sine cera: What I Think 134 People Think About as ironic as obvious the as death,as whimsical tablature for hiccups, as as necessary Poems— arranging words that most of us just upon. talk arranging pebbles rest the of us just upon walk stunned by gilt their and heft Poets, noticing, are are slowed, and behind; trail slowed by C.Chambers by C.Chambers The Walk by words Poems replaced by youthful the Kindle— Oldthe Beautiesdwindle In its elderly, once technology modern knowledge and adventure adorn life the lines with new, and used, borrowed Slim, thick, and inbetween incite turn the of eachpage Yet words and olfaction and fades ink The sheaves yellow like crushing the of bone Hard spines creak Yet, held hand inthe still wireless, light, thin— The OldBeauties by CyndiLloyd
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 135 sine cera: What I Think 136 People Think About and that is why we can’t figure out how to rid get them. of having aproblem getting of rid politicians plastic. 2.All are plastic, thatused, Ihave come to two conclusions: 1.That we as humans are of our plastic crap is undissolveable. Thereso is muchbeing plastic coffeecups. They that’ssay progress. Well, I am convinced thatall that what Trojan the Horse is??? Oh well! don’t make plastic contraceptives; but come about to think it, isn’t getting. no longer bite people—it’s hellyou when what see you are really make clear,they plastic swimsuits.theday Thatbe when sharkswill magnification of her and ankles thoughtshe sheElephantiasis. had her pantspeed she when it ran sneezed, down all her legs,caused a in your and thighs buttocks, only something went wrong and she ofthinking making plastic pantyhose you so weight could lose arebeings stuck with it we whether like it or not. is. Idoknow that it is amess to universe, the and that we as human What hell the is plastic??? Iwonder ifanyone really knows what it Plastic teething rings, binkys, etc. Even plastic diapers, plastic I dobelieve, though, that biggest the of is surprise that all they Your toothbrushes are plastic. I’m also waiting for day the when Plastic baby bottles, plastic dishes, were cups, they even by Joyce E.Luttrell Plastic Company. Thisthe was way that always Crazy Bill began his eulogy, his money from his family, owners of Vincent the Cosmetic asshole.” Then wentBill howon Charlieto describe had inherited said,Bill alittle more somber time. this near statue the beer of Charlie Vincent, turned to with Bill asmile. belonged to and CrazyBill town inthe everyone park, a drinking were and raised out, most cried everyone “Hear, hear!” The voice offraction asecond, no one spoke.the Then was silence broken. earshot. As as words the soon his lips escaped ahush fell. For a Andy asked himself and anyone within atwinking him. tolook Andy like Charlie was on Charlie’s face, making it little ray of sunlight danced year for party, the and a sparkled, as it didevery of granite. The statue on awaist base high three-foot statue, standing he looked towardsbeers, the few sips of his first of many grand party. It was always agrand party. but there were afew present that had aone. never missed It was a was Andy’s firstbash,Rat he had theRiver in arrived pastthe week, Charlie, and ate roasted pig and drained keg after keg beer.free of It aroundThey stood the small bronze statue,castthe likeness in of Ridge and damn of near all Coyote Springs were at Bash. the Andy Bash. Solstice wasn’t alone inhis pilgrimage. Half of Powder Springs to attend annual the Charlie Vincent Memorial Summer Andy drove Ellis down from hill the Powder Ridge to Coyote “And,” said, Bill his fingerpointed the in air, “herich was a “Charlie Vincent was an asshole, but my he was also friend,” “He was an asshole,” said agravelly voice and inunison, glasses “Who was Charlie Vincent,” As Andy tipped last back the Charlie’s Bash by Dave Bastian “Who was Charlie Vincent?”
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 137 sine cera: What I Think 138 People Think About familiar that most there everyone could recite it verbatim. way he had arrived Rat River inthe Valley.so was This speech by describing way the Charlie had come into his money and the flyer complaining aboutthe zoning regulationsthat allowed such a later, he wandered into Coyote the Café for breakfast, and found a that he up ended getting out tossed door snow. the inthe One week complaining about that of beast a house, Charlie pitched such afit The first time walked Squirrel he Lazy into the heardand someone fucked things up. of knobs view the best that most had. everyone Charlie had really right on palace crestLincoln the Log ofand hill the eradicated the clearbecame just what Charlie had done. He had his placed little massive windows were and installed, roof the was finished, it have invoked it As eventhen. logswere the put into place, the towards house. the Had known they Charlie’s name, would they Hope Hill, holding ahand out window, the asingle finger raised that arrogant son of abitch”, people would say droved as they by beganto shape, take beast the Charlie was ahated man. “Goddamn down on skiarea the eversince. eventually followed; huge the logcabin mansions that have looked on Hope and course hill, the for set other the monstrosities all that town. Not Charlie, though. He built first the monstrosity of a home Springs,the or just camped out National inthe Forest surrounding old mining cabins near Ridge, the brick and mortar homes down in person moved anywhere Rat River inthe Valley, moved they into hotel, one bar, and no houses up on Hope Hill. a when then, Back knew. Charlie moved to Powder there one Ridge was while still was morearrived valley inthe or at less true, least as far as Bill as funds kept the deposited being into his account.” bank for Vincent the Company Cosmetics and couldn’t care less as long rabbits. But none of that concerned Charlie. He had never worked products,their and continue to test wares their on cute little bunny arecrimes to children, sex that sell package they toxic chemicals in a damn thing to it earn and Vincent the Company’s Cosmetic only Company.Cosmetic Inheriting afortune only means you didn’t do your money. Not that there is anything wrong with Vincent the family business. Not that there is anything wrong ininheriting “Yes,” continued, Bill “Charlie inherited his money from the Of course Charlie didn’t it that see way. He loved home. his new As as enormous the soon logsarrived for Charlie’s house, and Crazy Bill’s account of manner the Charlie inwhich Vincent no longer welcome Coyote inthe Café. took an hour himdown to calm and he was informed that he was raged, spittle flyingfrom his mouth,eyes his blazingwith anger. It desecration of Hope Hill and Charlie went He ballistic. ranted and Subaru offthe main road and up Hope Charlie Hill. saw the more fantastic night his rusted of pulled CrazyBill drinking, again home. nhis journey stayed Charlie’s until passed bar Bill the then closed, house once through Squirrelthe walked lifts snow closed, Bill Lazy the andto beastly theto dominating place lifts, the Hope Hill. theWhen That is, untilcame Crazy Bill up just sayto hello. house for avisit were unlessthey coming to burn place the down. had paid hisdisrespect they house. Hope Hill to shake his hand for and were tell himthey the sorry Hope Hill to his home. He envisioned aline of people, up walking He town the imaginedinwhich scenarios was forced to come up hanging out intown, Charlie sat inhis monster home and fumed. life. than Rather spendinghis social most of his skiing time and house got way. inthe treat anyone way the he valley inthe usually treated everyone, his way of redeeming personality traits. But he never got achance to Charlie because an wasfriends indeed asshole, and had little inthe mean with to lifties, bartenders,and insulting curt even to his would have discovered that Charlie to his was waitresses, rude him. Were to get they to know him on amore level, personal they reached up and bit on them ass. the thereeveryone that wouldn’t they know and aesthetics beauty ifit club after he tablehad stood on a benefitduring a dinner and told travesty,Goddamned and he was not allowed to everenter Elk’s the afterthumped he her the on forehead his whenhome shecalled a onplaced himand wasn’t allowed anywhere near Wendy Aster tourist said house who the was hideous, he got arestraining order He was kicked out of Miner’s the Tavern for gut punching a Rat River Valley until there were few places Charlie was allowed. Early spring, inthe after afantasticday of skiing and evenan droveCrazy Bill by Charlie’s morning on house every his way But no one intown was going up to everwalk to Charlie’s Charlie’s standing poor community inthe put alarge dent in The bitch of it, at least forCharlie, that was no one knew really None of well guy. madeliked this Charlie avery That incident venuesocial the in repeated in every itself most
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 139 sine cera: What I Think 140 People Think About flip flops on hisfeet, and his big, stupid smile fixed on hisface. door. Theretie inhis dyedstood, t-shirt Bill and matchingpants, Sheriff,the his finger poisedthe last on digit as he answered the headlights coming up road the first andthe six dialed numbers of anything to Charlie about that house, else damn near everything things tosaid Bill’s those face. long And so as never Bill said piecerusty of shit for acar, but said that. everyone At least Charlie told he Bill was fat, funny, smelled was aterrible skier, and had a his shoulder Rat River inthe should Valley. friendless be not worst eventhe biggest inthe jerk house with largest the chip on old guys down at Elk’s the club. play at pool free Miner’s the Tavern, and find a chess gamewiththe hot tub, games, pool or chess. ahot could Bill poach tub anywhere, night, he wouldevery make astop at Charlie’s on his way down stop himand ask, “Why doyou hang out with that asshole?” Most back shots and lying about turns the he had made, someone would sure, Charlie came to accept Bill’s intrusions and his friendship. subsequent evenings that stopped Bill by and hung out. Slow and lonely enough that he didn’t kickout Bill that first night, the or Charlie alot longer to consider same. the Bill But Charlie was never gave Billa And actually, enjoyed Bill his with time Charlie. Sure, Charlie was Bill Charlie’sSo friend. No, hung Bill out with Charlie that he because believed no one, was Bill sittingSometimes, when at Squirrel, knocking Lazy the Thatthe was momentCharlie became Bill’sfriend. It took “Hi,” said. Bill money. Charlie beer ortwo. It wasn’t the dime, justa revenge on whole the lot. It wasn’t eventhe canyon and two the would play agame how hated everyone himand plot of chess, watch amovie inthe would mostly complain about downstairs theatre, inthe soak wasn’t company. the Charlie hot tub, or shoot in some pool dime, just or two. abeer It the den. the Charlie never gave a Bill It wasn’t money. the and consider it amoment. question, would Bill pause When asked this they made quitethey apair. inhis Bill tie-dyed pants, evenin shirtless touch with reality, and ashitty skier, and Charlie agreed. was fair game. told Bill Charlie So he was brat, aspoiled out of as possible, pitching Charlie’s to he Bash knew. everyone And Bill anytaking chances. He was out mingling as with often everyone instruments upto play hill the some tunes. band ofa local skibums to haul big the bass and rest the of their company from Junction to roast apig, and he paid afew bucks to backs from down canyon to digapit for afire, he hiredcatering a River and Brewery delivery, their scheduled he got some strong plans. his party Heperfected ordered amass of kegs from Rat the his hand. It would great. be his and food, looked eyeand himinthe thank himas they shook nothing to say good about his house up there his beer, to drink eat entire valley. He would one get of most that jerks the every had asshole, he wasn’t such person to abad pass with. time the forward to helping town the understand that Charlie was while an fighting after just afew wordsbeen exchanged. had looking He was colors,his true to town letthe get to know himabit instead of bird, to and troubledefend the all it. intrying he had been had drivenhis they times by place,the all and flipped his housethe revenge perfect the for mean the had thingssaid everyone about all was already makingplans. the would Charlie aparty be decided discover that for themselves instead of hating you for your house.” scotch infront of “you them, are an asshole but at leasttown letthe said as two the sat across achessboard from eachother, of glasses It was that Bill first gaveCharlie the idea party. of a “Look,” Bill was thatgot time whole the valley to know Charlie way the he did. have asliver existence of valley. inthe asocial hanging out with made Bill Charlie invisible and he was able to to andresults.best cool look failing withBut spectacular somehow, with little fans few months, inside, his and skis every new trying down Charlie runs. the inhis burgundy one-piece skisuit, goggles a snowstorm, lookingas like he abear made long, arching turns Would anyone come? Charlie had but no idea wasn’t CrazyBill As snow the melted and mountains the turned green, Charlie In Charlie’s revenge was mind, perfect the party the on the In CrazyBill’s mind, Charlie was going to get achance to show Charlie thought about night, all and idea this by morning he friends forbeen After a had they month, decided Crazyit Bill Charlie at skied Powder long Ridge so as he was with Bill. And
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 141 sine cera: What I Think 142 People Think About away anything crappy,) brings little masses beer the from free every beer.free Even ifit is crappy beer, (and Charlie would never give everyone. knew that roof”, Wendy would wail café inthe morning. inthe “It’s the massive its logwalls, windows that glared, its dark green roof. “Oh with his insult of ahome, she was that could all see its horrid beast, pipe other. inthe her cherrywood Once valley Charlie the sullied on granite with of aglass high the wine inone peaks hand and to sitused on her porch evening inthe and gazeat alpenglow the even Vic. theview for blockedpalace Lincoln TheLog Wendy,who about it,” before Vic shuttled himout door. the Charlie’s place with aloathing unmatched, he was sure, by anyone. he would letout astream of obscenities, pause, and towards look of axe the and jolt of pain inhis body. Whack! went his axe and for Vic and he would Damn that House fall curse God with every heated it. Even cutting afourth of acord more was difficult wood nothing world inthe but that cabin and cast the iron stove that more just wood to warm his place up. Vic back and had abad cabin sun the when rose that Vic was convinced alot he needed anyone valley. inthe Charlie’s house cast such ashadow on Vic’s Squirrel, worked Bill to make bash the asuccess. street,in the and campaigning from his barstool at Lazy the Charlie’s sold Crazy Bill Knocking Bash. on doors, stopping people most. the them cache. These wereCharlie’s critics most and Crazy vocal wooed Bill to have had there any party ifthis chance some social of carrying would there. they be knew didn’t folks, evenbotherwith those simply handed aflyer them and on all somebodyelse’swith closest their friends, dime. CrazyBill for achance some to beer, drink eat some pig tasty meat, and hang Hope Hill Hell with glee. they’d shake hands himself with devil the nook and cranny valley. inthe Those folks would trekthemake up For some folkswas ano brainer. party the Therepower is a in Wendy that was certain she hated Charlie’s house more than knocked onBill Wendy Aster’s house and Wendy lethimin. He he pleaded, begged, and he best got the was an “I’ll think But wanted CrazyBill Vic at that party. Vic that was certain he hated Charlie Vincent more than He knocked on door the of Vic Powers and Vic lethimin. With of zeal acampaign the manager for abig city politician, But there were some key individuals that Charlie would need on Mona the winter.” inthe Lisa wrong color of green summer inthe and it sticks out like apimple smug, feeling happy. Charlie sat at his house and looked down on town, the feeling By revelers the time the up, sobered it was almost evening again. went. buteveryone me,” she said, and Vic both upthey agreed so hill the her. “Goddamn ifI’m going to letthat asshole give away to beer free Wendy by. walked Vic watched after her up and head hill the called “Goddamn ifI’m going to go up there,” he said to himself and then outside and looked uptowards hill the house the hated. he so for an hour, but got his curiosity soon better the of him.He walked like amist where Vic heard it from his rocking chair. He ignored it buzzed. and brains their full bellies their werewas, they happy with were or hell the Charlie who didn’t evencare where they andthem, some clearly plastered that grins pained tight, somewith didso through clenchedso teeth for his hospitality. Some did his hand, and thanked him by,of passed partiers pumped side of his faceto other the as aline chair on porch the and from smiled one beverage, and drained tap aftertap. Charlie parked himself ina up to thatwiththe househated, glasses their they amber filled hued and bringvalley up. everyone would go, hoping raucous their noise would filter down intothe back ofthe house the where he had turn them it up as loud as it his crew to light bonfire, the and shuffling the band the deck to off getting things going: ordering pig, the directing to cook the begin hell,” before Wendy himfrom chased her porch. The party ragedparty The until the sun Ratrose overtheRiver Valley. The noise flowed down valley into the And little by little, upcame. they the hill Half trudged the valley Theday Charlie’sof Bash Charliearrived. spent most of it He he pleaded, begged, and he best got the was a“No way in But wanted CrazyBill Wendy at that party. I’m goingtogo “Goddamn if up there...”
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 143 sine cera: What I Think 144 People Think About evening ahuge success, deciding to make it an annual event. As the Charlie went back to his being usualasshole and self the deemed evening, but hated still they Charlie and house. his Goddamned had turned into such ahuge success, Charlie acontract had signed putbe on autopilot and more be or less forgotten. When party the rolling the ball far so in advance that of aspects hiscertain life could passion. Hated it much so that he starting overplanned everything, February. werethey never there. They visitedonly the house fortwo in weeks cherubic drove Bill kids. up afewto times introduce himself but Charlie, acorporate CEOwith aphilanthropist wife and two on Hope Hill was to sold someone with evenmore money than fall. life inL.A.She neverthat evenlearned Charlie hadn’t the survived endured anumber of and back to airport rides the sanity the of her wherelift she convincedthe liftie tolet her then download and and slow walked and scared over knife the edge ridge back to the littlehis sexy thing took off her skis, stuckthem into the snow, hitting, hitting, head feet hitting. When came his to body astop, tumbled down mountain the like he was atoy, hitting, head feet hucked himself into chute. the her to traverse ridge the with him,and she then watched as Charlie and white jumper right off her. He seven,took her up lift convinced that idea wild he should skiAnder’s Chute and impress that black beneath that black and white jumper inspired him,and he got the into atight ski jumper. Her pronounced and ample curves breasts to skiand admiring her lithe, alluring body, tucked perfectly so going skiing. Charliehaving had been agreat teaching time her up from to his LA house for Thetwo Christmas. them of were was spending blonde his withsexy time this thing he had flown that forever. party ofto partake He his goods. figured he would just keep on holding andparty his chance to once again assemble at everyone his home two skilift chairsfront in of him, he looked forward the to next towards his house or heard people complaining about himfrom year progressed, and he once again saw people flip obscene gestures Folks went back to homes their and felt great about the One thing about Charlie, he hated to plan. Hated it with a Charlie and was dead was CrazyBill devastated. The house He made four or five before turns good caughthe edgean and The winternext Charlie ditched Crazy forBill days, a few and interest to pay for He to until set. sun party the the ceased hated to of change and it placed at inatrust Valley the allowing Bank, the necessitiesparty to continue annually. Charlie chunk took agood with caterers, the brewery, the and music, the arranging for the all childrengroomers,the rode lifts the andcarved he drove down for that trip. While his philanthropist wife and two their cherubic some iceinhis driveway, turning an and ankle ending his skiing tountil set—but sun the ceased of course it didn’t. was on running such aflawless autopilotthat it could have gone on a window, no on one flowers. the everevenpeed Charlie’s Bash trespassing. No one everventured into house, the no one everbroke continued forever. The being committedonly crime was there were, snow the would cover it by returned. they time the throughwas so that there was never of aspeck and evidence evenif France that spent they warmerin.The the season clean-up crew never ventured had aplace in they to house their summer; inthe attendance never having met Charlie. The CEO and his family better no longer sinceparty they had to thank himto his face. guythe anyway. By estimation, their Charlie’s death only made his mattertrivial to most but everyone Bill, since most hated everyone after Charlie’syear continued.party The absence Charlie of was a did what hadwere money their they all they so supposed to. Year kegs, hired cooks the to prepare pig, the clean the up crews; they asUllr Bash favorite of party year. the The who deliveredfolks the nonekids, wiser. the CEOreturnedthe with his philanthropist wife and two cherubic it had year the before. The mess was cleaned up and come February, and begananew. hill party the the It raged until next the day, just as ghostthe of his old One by friend. one rest the of town the up hiked drove uplike old hill got times, the himself and aglass, at smiled Hope Hill, up set gear, their and beganto bang away. up—the band of skibums figuredwhat trudgedthe hell. up They on day were exact the they supposed to, pig the arrived and was set what hell. the bothered withbe such things and he had money the he figured so One winter, during two-week their visit, CEOslipped the on Really, there was no reason Charlie’s Party couldn’t have For five wholeyearsthisthing continued, many in those of Charlie’s was hit the party Solstice of summer, the rivaling the was firstCrazy Bill the to thehear noise and he once again Spring came, snow the melted, and June arrived. The camekegs
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 145 sine cera: What I Think 146 People Think About owner, Cynthia Veech. and boutique stores, and he then found Coyote the Café and its canyon to Coyote Springs with his laptop to dosome work. and ensure that would no party everhappen there again. and forgot about all it. hired They caretaker a to live the at house cherubic children went to France, got pink their feet sand, inthe charges.the Then CEO, his philanthropistwife, theirtwoand two weeks it looked like entire the town was facing trespassing going,” Cynthia said. wayspace the that CEOdid. to her,was to easy talk evenfor someone valued his who private he came from. She had arelaxed manner and was attractive it so roasted it up her own, with love, served and was apretty hit good a little building intown to Spring’s the start first coffee shop. She drove three hours over pass the to Rat River the Valley, and bought town any longer. morning she woke up and she realized just didn’t understand her powder that many of folks new the intown were snorting. One and her property taxes shot up were like they on that same white town funky the and living she fur had inturneddiamonds been all mad atCynthiafor some whoarestill He wandered around town, dipping inand out of shops t-shirt For two weeks it looked like Charlie’s was done party for. For There aresome who are mad still at Cynthia forthat comment. “Ah, you own Charlie’s kindof place. you So to keep party the She her sold little one bedroom cottage for apile of money, Cynthia had moved to Coyote Springs years ago, thirty when that comment. There are questions about just he who was and where with local and outsiderwith local alike.
launched into but afew prying polite place was next to empty. Cynthia any baristashould good be. Cynthia was chatty way the on abluebird day the when She her customers knew by he walked throughhe walked her door name, knew every facein name, every knew town, and damn liked near before. investment the seen banker ofall She them. had never “Hello”, she said when of Valley the and Bank Trust, manager bank the mayor. the called Vincent Company Cosmetics came to town and darkened door the caterers, brewery, and band the to consider. When alawyer for the forever. that some piece of Charlie was cast inbronze and to destined live Rat River Valley again. But she was at least comforted fact inthe minutes afterthe statue was uncovered and sheset thenever foot in unveiling, took which place day the before party. the She was gone shoulder, looking towards Hope Hill. Charlie’s mother attended the onfeet atwo-foot tall of base granite with apair of skis over his Charlie Vincent inbronze, was immortalized standing three have found it, would have to dofor Charlie’s legacy. name. intheir trusts party, This as vulgar tastelessand as she may scholarships, not for profits, and charitable hadwho three other children with His concerned legacy his mother, Vincent Company. Cosmetics labelofthe employee for the only child to never wear sheep family, inthe the Vincent black the had been Charlie deal. the sealed andBash, raged fun the on. Memorial Summer Solstice dubbed Charlie the Vincent on Hope Hill to town the park, Slider toldalive. who was CrazyBill. party Thestill phonedwho Cynthia Veech e-mailedwho Shiftless who dialed Shorts wastellerBecky the behind stand and Ryan she called Ricks oflearn fate the of beloved their event. deposit or awithdrawal and and cupped an ear to door the to try Rat River inthe almost everyone soon, Valley to make needed a doors. The word spreadthrough town whatof taking was place and For two with hourslawyer the talked from they closed behind Over the next the few yearsOver Hopewithtrophy Hill filled homes and Alan artist the cast statue the and town the footed bill. the It was statue the that It was moved from house the When three the emerged from office the they were smiling. The Mayor was a big fan party.the of banktheSo was manager. But there Charlie’s was still money and contract the with the Memorial Summer ...Charlie Vincent ...Charlie Solstice Bash...
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 147 sine cera: What I Think 148 People Think About quaint. Most of Charlie Vincent’s were less savory aspects relegated Rat Riverthe Valley and made Charlie’s antics cute and seem downright humble. Trust funders and discovered richkids spoiled monstrous vacation properties, many of made which Charlie’s look free beer couldn’t beer free bad, could he?” all be conversation and banter returned. statue,the and tipped last the of back into his beer his throat. his annualvia eulogy. as Charlie was actually and to didhis best keep that alive memory to dust the heap of memory. Onlyremembered CrazyBill Charlie “Well,” said, Bill “anyone would who provide awhole town with “So wasguy this really an asshole,” Andy asked the when Bill tale finishedtheCharlieBill of Vincent,glass his raised towards things that Ifear to seems never end. that Ihave with fear that makes Iwin me stronger, but list the of plunge, me down to my carrying death. stuck,be trapping me unbreathable inasmall, space, or that it will time.the There the deep is fear in that my heart the elevator will Ientereach time water, the Imust facethat fear of drowning. and self-discipline overcame my aversion to water. the However, It took four years for me to accomplish but this, my determination breath is aconstant threat inmy life of because my apnea. sleep to suckstruggling inair, crushing weight on my chest, clawing for mockedbeing and laughed at by people. The fear of suffocating, Many fears have my ruled life. Iam afraid of abandonment. Ifear My biggest fear is that stop fear will me from living. fight Each I am terrified of elevators.Because of my fear, all them ride I I am afraid so of drowning that Ihave taught myself to swim. by Ramona Maassen Fear
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 149 sine cera: What I Think 150 People Think About use his cardsuse for cash withdrawals, and to pay-off Guido,who hada him aweek to come up with money, the or He’d else! planned to he$50,000, losses racked up betting on nags. Guido already gave current—worth atotal of $60,000. facing adeath sentence. Suddenly it hit him.It was to time party. was 42 years old, married, no children never been and now he was and pay your bill.” there?” advanced stage. disorderspecific doesn’t present recognizable signs until it’s in an and disorders medical sometimes just appear out of nowhere. Your never mentioned before that Iwas terminallyill.” live. Richard A.McBurger’s doctor told himhe had only sixweeks to ...he hadonlysix The only hitchthat was he owed Guido,bookie, nearly the local He different had several creditcards, all paidthem of up and McBurgerthe left physician’s swirloffice ina of disbelief. He The doctorsaid: andshrugged “Make sure yousee my assistant “Medicine is amystery, Richard,” doctor the began.“Diseases “Where come didthis McBurger from?” asked. “I feel fine. You weeks tolive. The DyingMan it that be Icontracted thing from this by Von Jones “You’ve contracted something called “sick building disease,” doctor the and I’ve working been there. Could told him.It results from being opened a new officeopened anew building in new, buildings. modern McBurger said. “Last year we It’s kindof like legionnaire’s at factory,” pencil the disease thatdisease came out of the disease.’” treatment for ‘sick building 1980s. There’scure no or “I’m an accountant retirement, but at least he would alive. be before he paid offthe credit card debts,with nothingsaved for with that was accountant’s with his small he’d salary sixty-five be reputation of snuffing out who folks him owed money. The problem apartment door. sorry.things These happen...” your file, you’ll probably livebe well to over 80 years old. I’mso I was reading from Richard H.McBurger’s file. Fromwhat see of I diagnosis for you was incorrect. The gavenurse thewrong me file. telephone rang. He came home broke. Vegas,to Las and happily gambled around clock the for sixweeks. included flowers, themusic, works. With rest the of money, he went picked out atop-of-the-line casket worth price $12,000;the tag stick-pin for his $100neck tie. He went home to afuneral and buried. He spent $1,200for agold watch and $700for adiamond Guido, he was going to have of party the agambler’s lifetime. His last thoughts were: “At have least I’ll agreat funeral.” At that moment, Guido and his thugs burst through McBurger’s is your“This doctor. There’sbeen a terrible mistake. My “Yes.” “Hello is Richard this A.McBurger?” He was sitting dark, inthe waiting for death to strike, the when The first thing he bought was an$800 suit which be in to He made his decision. He had sixweeks to live. To hell with
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 151 sine cera: What I Think 152 People Think About rusting on descending the staircase. and break my tailbone on lost the ambition carelessly they left tightbow around so my legsthat backwards Ifall on doorstep the myself completely to person I’m the with and hope Idon’t the tie usually contains aCfollowed by Uand later hell bitch.” “in appropriatebe for akids’ show. Oraccurate.the Ifindletter final alphabet. Except usually I’m naked,that so wouldn’t necessarily appear on to be akids’ show representing letters final the the of know, that formation you dowith your that makes bodies you ateaching degree. deserve hard drive. I have of her is breaking into my dad’s business and stealing his from feelings the that first brought you together. The next memory divorce. Iremember her advice to me was to never stray far too ateaching degree. deserve failing to reach your own potential. channel and come is God to find outthe sin is slothtrue only and remote control with only one programmed channel and on that mean emotional abuse. Here drop the goes Falling IntoLove, RightOnYour Back Personally, Ilike to wrap myself up like apresent and give I’m aromantic. Ilike making Z’s with alover. inbed You for ifaperson is married I think over twenty-six years they My mom twenty-five was married beforeyears exactly her for ifaperson is married I think over twenty-five yearsthey Some people inrelationships desire change. It’s like physically being attached to an ottoman with abuilt-in It’s like lacing icecream with fat jokes. With comfortability comes unrestraint. from freeThe fall infatuation to lovereal and by lovereal I by MariaSpradling as ancient as pyramids the Your presence inmy life as achild’s fingerpaint. marksOur on planet the as significant These are our golden years. shellsSpecial on seashore. the oneEach precious. Namaste. and smiles with nostalgic tears. Memories haunt will my dreams guide my way. lights of Grace your faces, This family, ground my feet. reach from my core, step,stabilize every few yearsthese The towering mountain of Breath insync with you. falls moveI still to music. the and with moon. the beam with sun, the rise I still there Iam. whereEvery Igo, I Will Think of You Thinkof I Will by AliaRose Thiel
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 153 sine cera: What I Think 154 People Think About in the driver’sin the seat of our own fast car. We are sista’ friends, I can’t find boutnothingbad you. Butterflies, Namaste. of think you.I will Breathe insync. Move to music. the and at beam our mother moon. We always with same the will sun, rise sameThebeneathbeings aging skin. there we are. No matter where we go wrapped around planet the with a circle of loved ones handsBoth held of feet. these with feeling inmy soles Now Istand for first the time, as abstract as we like. We get to paint world this what you have forgotten. I have knowledge of Your strength, my weakness. with asimple breath of Hallelujah. shinning through your faces, Under of beam the moon the goddess, always had what he thought he lacked. You help me remember that tinman the warmin the embrace of house. this my redemption, I found my Zion, freedomThe of nothing left tolose I can smile, and and Ican and learn, Ican Ican explore, serve, andI can think, Ican read, and and Ican walk, Ican talk, I can’t eachday, doeverything I like to sit on benches and watch busy city people, I like to explore treasures the of museums, playsI like to see and watch musicals, I like to listen to beautifully written music, I like to read newspapers, magazines, and books, I like to camp mountain inhigh ranges, I likelakes to fishand peaceful streams,on I like to sit inparks to ducks feed and geese, I like to long take inquiet walks towns, I like to hike along Butte Red the trails, To thank Him as Iponder and pray. To for thank God eachpassing day, And Ican pray… … But… … To wonder facesyearn where to go. hectic To grasp for answers from ancient the past. To open up thoughts of my delightfulworld. To letmy spirit sway to heavenly tempos. To about learn my amazing world eachday. To fill fragrantsoulwith my alpine breezes. To rays inthe of soak bright the hot summer’s sun. To watch nature’s fleeting momentswhiz through.quickly To slow my life down and dream of days gone by. To gazeover and watch valley the my world crawl past. What ILikeToWhat Do by Wilson Becky
sine cera: What I Think People Think About 155 sine cera: What I Think 156 People Think About received over many years, cushions it all. dazzling offthe snow. canIt loud.feel The love kind ofa man, or not—comes pine inthe windows along with sunlight the through cuppedAfternoon, palms. silence—welcome Children really doleave you, like water running Everything ends. in December. Doesn’t she know what it’s for? time gray buds fuzzy one warm week magnolia on Wander Lane, sending forth And inwinter, treesfoolish can be like the on bushes, bleak little birds, swooping and pecking. to winter and there then are bright so only red the berries and purple, its long days, enough soon gives way Summer, with its warm sweet air, its riot of green What I Learned This Year ILearned What by AnnetteWeed sine cera: What I Think People Think About 157 sine cera: What I Think 158 People Think About Dave Bastian likes theword pubococcygeus. Randy Eggert the colorgreen. Chanel Earl fictionalized. Both ofhisstoriesarebasedonrealevents,buttheaccounts are Hal Davis writing, andislearninghowtotype. Kate Cushing Ministries, anon-denominationalChristianorganization. role intheCrucifixion.Thefilmwasproducedlastsummer byCrown He wrote“TheThiefontheCross”afterdepictingasan actorathief’s groups, andhaspreviouslybeenselectedforpublication in Dan Christensen cera works, Chaston Larry Walk works— C. Chambers stories foranybodywholikestoreadthem. Carver Tiffany work, Mimi Broadhead arts andhikinghelp. his longneglectedright-brain.Aloveofwriting,reading,thevisual John Boles activist. DaveBastianisnotahippy. . —are includedinthisvolumeof Cherry Stones Sunday Dinner Cities is54andco-mentoroftheVeterans’writinggroup. isretired.Comingfromatechnicalfieldhe’scultivating lovesreading,writing,cooking, eating,parentingand , Coffee TimeRag
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is awriterintheDiverseCityWritingSeries.Her and Author Bios My Sister , Directions , areincludedinthisvolumeof sine cera , Gaudi .
, Poems sine cera , and . sine cera The . sine from timetotime. in Literature,readsalot,anddancestoMetallicaherunderwear Misty Evans 1928. Shestudies cosmetology,andwasahairdresser formanyyears. oil painting,writingandcooking. ShewasborninSanFrancisco Joyce Lutrell Utah StateUniversity,where hereceivedhisBS. Kyle J. Luke dog loverbesidesabooklover. Action Center.SheispursuingadegreeinEnglishatSLCC, andisa Cyndi Lloyd great niecesandnephews. hugging them,lovingandgivingthemgifts.Sheloves allofher Julie A.Liljenquist of work, Paul Kartchner and isexcitedtoassistingivingvoiceveteransUtah. Affairs Group.Hewasforefrontinthecreationofthiswritinggroup, Von Jones is aboutmotorcyclesandtravel. writes shortarticlesforTheBeehiveBeemersNewsletter.Hiswriting E.B. Homer John Hicks learned toreadandwrite,he’swrittenabouthismother. mined, andcoalmined.Hewasliterallyilliterate.Nowthathe’s Elvin Gage spiritual leader,forover22years.CorbinpassedinJulyof2007. waste dump).HeworkedwithCorbinHarney,theWesternShoshone first personarrestedatYuccaMountain(aproposedhighlevelnuclear Gable Gregor sine cera What IThinkPeopleAbout , andisincludedinthefirsthalfofbook. isaDiverseCityWritingSeriesmentorfortheVeterans’ is38,andlivesinMurray. worksparttimeattheBMWMotorcycleShop,and wasbornin1940.He’shunted,fished,rodeo-ed,gold isaDiverseCityWritingSeriesmentorfortheLiteracy
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sine cera: What I Think People Think About 159 sine cera: What I Think 160 People Think About James Mone garden, woodworkandcraft. Ramona Maassen California. her farewellsto thecityshelovesbeforemoving backtotheBayArea, loved onesinSalt LakeCity.Hersubmission tosineceraisapartof Alia Rose Thiel of work, Maria Spradling and hiswife. to writestories,andhelikesreadthem.Mostofall likeshimself E.Smith Albert has 5grownchildrenand3grandchildren. Michael Scott studies attheUniversityofUtah. Richard G. Scharine that heisbacktolearningagain. He likeshighschoolandcollegefootballbasketball.Paulisglad Paul L.Rosser cera His work, James H.Rosinus but onlystartedwriting3yearsago. lives inSaratogaSprings,Utha.He’sbeentellingstorieshiswholelife, D.Warren Price write abouthispast. PetersonErvan NAMI TherapyGroups. Now teachingEmpowerGroupsforveterans,shealsoworkswith Rose A.Petersen work, sine cera . Falling IntoLove,RightOnYour Back Hot Air . Letter fromCMLongwood , isincludedinthisvolumeof
is awriterintheDiverseCityWritingSeries.His is arecreationtherapistattheVAMedicalCenter.He
likes towatchNASCAR.That’shisfavoritesport.
likeswildlife,fishing,andlife.He wasborninOakland,California, andraisedby
likes toplaysports.Helearn. is anIraqWarveteran,marriedwith4children.He
is awriterintheDiverseCity WritingSeries.Her is adisabledcreativewriterinSaltLakeCity.
is amentorfortheDiverseCityWritingSeries. is aJill-of-Many-Trades.Shelovestoread, isaprofessoremeritusintheatreandethnic ,
is includedinthisvolumeof , isincludedinthisvolume sine cera . sine for twoyears,followedbya13-yearmarriagehereinUtah. in NewMexicowheresheattendedEasternUniversity MaeWalkerWinnie words. about otherpeople,notherself.Sheenjoyspaintingpicturesthrough needs toekeouttimeanchorherwordsonpaper.Shelikeswriting YoungDeborah and learningfromeachpersonshetutors. She enjoyssharinghertalenttohelpotherslearnreadandwrite, Becky Wilson work, Annette Weed What ILearnedThisYear
is avolunteertutorwiththeLiteracyActionCenter. is awriterintheDiverseCityWritingSeries.Her haslotsofideasforinterestingpieces.Nowshe spentherchildhoodinMissouri,teenyears , isincludedinthisvolumeof sine cera . sine cera: What I Think People Think About 161 Join us for readings from: sine cera a DiverseCity Writing Series anthology What I Think People Think About
Wednesday, June 10, 2009 from 7 to 8:30 PM in Salt Lake City’s Main Library
with writing and readings from: Dave Bastian Cyndi Lloyd John Boles Kyle J. Luke Mimi Broadhead Joyce Lutrell Tiffany Carver Ramona Maassen C. Chambers James Mone Larry Chaston Rose A. Petersen Dan Christensen Ervan Peterson Kate Cushing Warren D. Price Hal Davis James H. Rosinus Chanel Earl Paul L. Rosser Randy Eggert Richard G. Scharine Misty Evans Michael Scott Gregor Gable Albert E. Smith Elvin Gage Maria Spradling John Hicks Alia Rose Thiel E.B. Homer Winnie Mae Walker Von Jones Annette Weed Paul Kartchner Becky Wilson Julie A. Liljenquist Deborah Young listen to the KCPW podcast online at: www.slcc.edu/cwc