Maori Children and Death: Views from Parents
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118 Maori children and death: Views from parents Juanita Jacob Linda Waimarie Nikora Jane Ritchie Maori & Psychology Research Unit, University of Waikato, New Zealand Research about Maori children's experiences and perceptions of death and tangi (Maori death rituals) is sparse. What is available tends to be generalised and stems from Western paradigms of knowledge. In this study we explore Maori children's experiences of death and tangi through the eyes of Maori parents. Through semi-structured interviews with 17 Maori parents, five areas were explored: a) the childhood experiences of parents and how they learned about death and an afterlife; b) what their adult beliefs about these matters are; c) how they have communicated the death concept to their children; and d) whether their children are likely to do the same in the future. From this study we learn that death was not hidden from children, that parents talked with their children in very open and age relevant ways, and considered their children's participation in tangi an important way to grieve and ensure continuity with kinship networks and support. This study suggests that the challenge now is to ensure that these practices continue to persist between parents and their children, and future generations. In this paper we report our study of how family member (Gill-White, 2006; Parker, children come to know of and understand death. 2003). Children can find the death of a loved In presenting this work, we realise that we write one difficult, overwhelming and at times about kinship relationships, bereavement and traumatising (Rosner, Cruse & Hagl, 2010). death rituals in a general and perhaps idealised Nevertheless, explaining and helping children way that for many may not fully capture the understand the concept of death can range, complexity and depth of emotion that one significantly reduce fear, anxiety and other may feel in response to a death. There is simply emotional or behavioural responses associated not enough space to explore these exciting and with anticipating or mourning the death of a critical aspects of the field. Nonetheless, we are loved one (Turner, 2006). ever mindful of different ways of being together How children understand and and that the nature of kinship relationships, conceptualise and respond to death varies from functional and dysfunctional, may well lead to culture to culture (Rosenblatt, 1997). Some different and sometimes unanticipated theorists suggest that children cannot acquire a bereavement experiences and outcomes. With mature understanding of death until they have a this limitation in mind, we begin this paper with basic understanding of certain foundational a review of the literature that informs our concepts (Feifel, 1977; Kane, 1979; Lansdown thinking in the field. & Benjamin, 1984; Nagy, 1948; Speece & Most children will experience grief and Brent, 1992). These include the notions of bereavement in their lifetime when someone universality, irreversibility, non-functionality close to them dies. Some will mourn the death of and causality (Cuddy-Casey & Orvaschel, a parent, a sibling or grandparent and grieve for 1997). Universality refers to the fact that the loss of that relationship (Dyregrov, 1991; eventually every living thing is destined to die Heaney, 2004). They have lost the love and and it cannot be avoided. Irreversibility is about security that was given by their parent; they have death being irreversible. Non-functionality lost a friend, a playmate, a rival sibling and implies that the deceased person is no longer The Australian Community Psychologist Volume 24 No 1 June 2012 © The Australian Psychological Society Ltd Maori children and death 119 living and life is non-existent. The concept of presence of children to shelter them from the causality involves understanding the possible pain, hurt and anxiety associated with the grief causes and circumstances of how the death of losing a loved one (Granot, 2005; Smith, occurred. 1999). Parent’s grief reactions, like anger, shock On from the need to understand these and crying, are often concealed and hidden from conceptual ideas, Piaget (1960) and many children, for example, through prohibiting researchers after him (e.g., Childers & Wimmer, children from attending funerals (Drewery & 1971; Ellis & Stump, 2000; Kane, 1979; Bird, 2004) or visiting dying family members Lansdown & Benjamin, 1984; Nagy, 1948; (Dyregrov & Yule, 2008; Granot, 2005). Speece & Brent, 1992; Wenestam & Wass, Children come to learn that powerful emotions 1987) argued that children’s thoughts and should be withheld and not expressed (Smith, reasoning develop gradually over time and as a 1999), in turn developing a disposition that may function of age. For example, up until about five extend into adulthood, where adults may years of age, children tended to deny death continue to struggle to express and regulate their (Nagy, 1948); up until about 9 years of age, emotions (Dyregrov & Yule, 2008; Granot, children tended to personify death (e.g., the 2005). bogey man), and beyond that age, children Tokin (2003) suggests that when questions realise that death is final and universal are left unanswered or there is an absence of (Lansdown & Benjamin, 1984). Though these information about the death of a loved one, or studies showed parallels with Piaget’s theory of delays in receiving it, it can lead children to cognition, findings also show that children can make up their own stories about what happened, understand and comprehend death at a young age allowing fantasies of the imagination and if they are exposed to it. magical thinking to play upon their mind. While In New Zealand children are exposed to there may be more, Dyregrov and Yule (2008) numerous accounts associated with dying and have, rather simplistically, identified two ways death. Death is taught as part of the schooling that children understand death. The first is the curriculum, it is portrayed in art, music, truth which is constructed from the information literature, observed in television shows and news they have received about it; the second version media reporting and engaged through electronic is a construct of the child’s own fantasies that gaming. Children see animals that are dead on does not necessarily represent reality. When the road or brought in by the family pet; they children begin to believe their own fantasies, hear about death in fairy tales and/or act it out rather than accepting that someone close to when playing imaginary games (Heaney, 2004). them has died, their perspective can become In contrast to New Zealand’s relatively peaceful distorted as to what is the truth (Granot, 2005; environment, children in less settled societies are Smith, 1999). The two kinds of ‘truths’ often exposed to the raw reality of death much identified by Dyregrov and Yule (2008) help us earlier because of war, civil conflict, sickness or to understand the possible imaginings of natural disasters (Marten, 2002). In countries children, but denies the possibility that death for with high mortality rates, children are more children, as it is for adults, may well have likely to learn about real, rather than imagined multiple narratives that may all contribute to an death, much earlier in life. overall truth narrative. None of the narratives In cultures of European origin including are necessarily wrong, but some may well be Pakeha New Zealanders, parents and adults have more privileged than others. This way of often avoided talking about the death of a loved thinking provides space for the possible one with children with some finding it an coexistence of the factual and fantastical truths. extremely difficult task (Granot, 2005). Some Too often bereaved children have been put suppress their own emotions and feelings in the to one side and left to cope with their grief The Australian Community Psychologist Volume 24 No 1 June 2012 © The Australian Psychological Society Ltd Maori children and death 120 alone. As a result, many are deprived of the historical or contemporary published account of opportunity to grieve the loss (Heaney, 2004). tangi and the Māori experience of death, which Adults who have experienced grief in childhood captures its fluidity, transformation and effect”. report that the failure of their parent or other Regardless of this, there is some agreement adult to include them in the mourning process across the literature of the general pattern that contributed to their increased difficulty in constitutes a Maori ritual response to death. coping with grief (Granot, 2005). Studies have Nikora et al. (2010) summarise the arising found that unresolved childhood grief, pattern as follows: combined with their perceived loss, contributes Death takes place; sometimes the to the development of adult psychopathology ceremony of tuku wairua or sending and impairment in interpersonal adult the spirit on occurs. Family and relationships (Edmans & Marcellino-Boisvert, friends are alerted and if required 2002; Mireault & Bond, 1992). there is an autopsy. The deceased is Cultural and religious explanations often prepared by an undertaker, often address themes of death and/or questions of an with assistance from family afterlife. Both constructs frequently help adults members. He or she then proceeds to explain difficult questions asked by children to the marae [tribal meeting place] after the loss a loved one. These beliefs provide sometimes via the family home, for comfort for children, much like they do for viewing, mourning, remembering adults (Cuddy-Casey et al., 1995; Granot, and celebrating. Marae rituals are 2005). Children absorb the beliefs and culture enacted over a few hours or a few they are raised in and are readily accepting of days before burial and associated the answers provided to them concerning death rites or cremation. They include the (Fiorini & Mullen, 2006). For Maori, the performative elements of powhiri indigenous people of New Zealand, traditions (rituals of encounter), tangi and cultural beliefs mingle closely with (mourning), whaikorero (oratory), Christian ideologies (Salmond, 1976).