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12Dagen2 Onsdag|06.11.2002 12DAGEN2ONSDAG|06.11.2002 B Kultur FARVEL TIL EN VEN Sport VED DU HVAD FAIR PLAY ER Kultur FARVEL TIL BØRN OG KÆRESTE B5 Generation e skifter stofferne ud B11 Ja det er kedeligt B12 Abemanden går i krig Bøger | Anders K. Sørensen Foto | Fra bogen IKON Kære dagbog I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE I rockmusikken er det stadig et smart karrieretræk at begå selvmord. Kurt Cobain blev udødeliggjort. Courtney Love fik fire millioner dollar for rettighederne til hans dagbog. Og vi andre en mulighed for at padle rundt i mytens spildevand Kurt Cobain brugte sit alter ego Kurdt Kobain, når han følte det nødvendigt at distancere sig fra sine handlinger. The Many Moods Of Kurdt Kobain Udkast til Smells Like Teen Spirit. Titlen stammer fra en fest, hvor Kurts veninde Kathleen Hanna fra efteråret 1992 er en collage skabt med billeder af deformiteter fra en tekstbog i medicin. skrev “Kurt Smells Like Teen Spirit” på væggen. Teen Spirit er et amerikansk deodorantmærke. Og det var Daaanmark. Og det var desillussionerede rockstjernes tanker krad- inden og eksgroupien Courtney Love, op- 1994, da han slukker for R.E.M.s Automatic 1 Daaanmark. Olé, olé, olé! Det rø- set ned i små billige kladdehæfter, som Co- Courtney var dødtræt og havde lever han en ny form for afhængighed. For The People, som han havde hørt på an- de menneskehav bølger svedende, bain altid havde med sig. Det er disse dag- Om morgenen 4. marts 1994 vågner Court- lægget i soveværelset, mens han skrev sit syngende og råbende frem og tilbage for- bøger – egentlig noget af en genremæssig til- nægtet at dyrke sex med Cobain, ney Love i præsidentsuiten på det fem- afskedsbrev. Udover et par håndklæder – an scenen. Rødt af for meget alkohol og en snigelse for denne samling af udaterede stjernede Hotel Excelsior i Rom. Kurt Co- det bliver noget værre svineri, det her – overdosis kropsvarme, rødt af solen, som skriblerier, tegninger, collager og komposi- bain ligger fuldt påklædt på gulvet med medbringer han en dåse root beer soda- hele dagen havde skinnet ned på de godt toriske sketches – som netop er udgivet med hvorefter han havde drukket store blod løbende ud af det ene næsebor og et vand, sine Camel Lights, en jagtriffel, pa- 70.000 mennesker, rødt Dannebrog og bil- titlen Journals. tresiders afskedsbrev i den ene hånd. “Som troner og en dødelig dosis mexicansk he- lig ansigtsmaling. Klokken er lidt over 11 på mængder dyr champagne og slugt Hamlet må jeg vælge mellem liv og død. roin. Cobain sætter sig ud i drivhuset i sin en lys midsommeraften 26. juni 1992. En Det er svært ikke nogle gange at føle sig Jeg vælger døden,” skrev Cobain, der afte- og Courtneys villa ved Lake Washington i Se- historisk dato for alle danske fodboldfans; som en ussel lurer i plettet cottoncoat, når i omegnen af 60 Rohypnoler. Efter nen før havde modtaget Courtney Love og attle. Her ryger han fem cigaretter, drikker Povlsen, Laudrup, Schmeichel og de andre man bladrer igennem disse affotograferede deres halvt år gamle datter Frances Bean det meste af sodavanden, hvorefter han til- har netop sensationelt slået Tyskland 2-0, og kladdebøger, som tydeligvis er blevet brugt Cobain. Courtney var dødtræt og havde næg- bereder heroinen og sprøjter den ind i årer- europamesterskabet er for første – og sikkert til at tørre beskidt spildevand op, når Co- 20 timer i koma vågnede han op tet at dyrke sex med Cobain, hvorefter han ne. Kurt mærker straks stoffets bedøvende også sidste gang – vores. Manden, der står bains hoved er boblet over med frustratio- havde drukket store mængder dyr cham- eufori brede sig i kroppen og ved, at han midt på Roskilde Festivalens umenneskeligt ner og breve, der aldrig blev sendt, men og- og skrev en seddel til Courtney: pagne og slugt i omegnen af 60 piller af det må skynde sig at gøre sig færdig, inden han store orange scene er også en vinder. Han er så til humoristiske kommentarer og surre- stærke, valiumlignende stof Rohypnol. Ef- mister bevidstheden. Med et beslutsomt leder af verdens ubestridt største rockband alistiske kærlighedserklæringer til hans ko- “Fuck you” ter 20 timer i koma vågnede Kurt Cobain greb stikker han geværløbet op i ganen og lige nu, han er multimillionær, om halv- ne Courtney Love. Love, som solgte rettig- op og skrev en seddel til Courtney, der sad trykker af. anden måned skal han være far for første hederne til Cobains dagbøger for en sum på sengelejet: “Fuck you” efterfulgt af “få de gang, og han har stort set ene mand ænd- på angiveligt fire millioner dollar. her fucking slanger ud af min næse.” Kurt Cobain havde effektivt lagt mave- ret musikbranchens livsbetingelser. Men Det er dog de færreste sider i dette kom- smerterne, skilsmissen, barndomstrau- lige nu er han meget lille. Så lille at publi- pendium af vildfarent tankegods, der er Store dele af Journals indeholder er udfald merne, forventningspresset og junkielivet kum knap kan se andet end en alt for stor interessante i sig selv. Kun ganske få brud- mod medierne, musikbranchen og hans bag sig. Foran sine efterladte lagde han i stribet skjorte og totter af klorbleget hår. stykker giver ny forståelse af rockstjernen egen succes. Kurt Cobain havde gennem sin stedet en arv bestående af 109 bånd med Og han rører sig ikke ud af stedet. Super- Cobains kunstneriske udvikling og format, ver han ydmyget af den kønne ekskones karriere store problemer med at manøvre- uudgivet Nirvana-materiale – demoer, øve- novaen Kurt Cobain er en hvid dværg, der men dens rå og ufokuserede stream-of-con- nye, voldelige kæreste. Skilsmissen er også re mellem punkens etos om ikke at sælge sessions og liveoptagelser – samt en snes suger al energi til sig og destruererer den. sciousness-karakter giver en fornemmelse én lang ydmygelse for lille Kurt, der i des- ud og være tro mod undergrunden, det kras- kladdehæfter med personlige kommentarer, af knægten Kurts indre rodløshed. peration, men ikke uden poetisk bid, skri- se og kontrære, overfor det udglattende og tegninger og dagbogsnotater. Dette mate- Det var den sommer, hvor grungemusik- Søger man svaret på, hvorfor Kurt Cobain ver på væggen i sit værelse: “I hate Mom, I pragmatiske kommercielle rockstjerneliv. riale har de sidste år været genstand for et ken virkelig skulle blomstre. Nirvana, Pearl ikke ville være rockstjerne – far eller men- hate Dad. Dad hates Mom, Mom hates Dad. Således indgik Cobain en mængde kom- større juridisk slagsmål mellem enken Jam og Soundgarden solgte millioner af pla- neske – skal man derfor ikke lede i Jour- It simply makes you want to be so sad.” promiser, når det gjaldt om at sikre Nirvanas Courtney Love, eks-Nirvana medlemmer- der over hele verden, og den støvede Dyr- nals. Så må man i stedet rykke teltpælene op musik airplay på MTV og adgang til hyl- ne Dave Grohl og Krist Novoselic samt pla- skueplads uden for Roskilde var fyldt med og klistre bladene på kalenderen igen, til Egentlig er det en klassisk historie: En bit- derne i konservative butikskæder, som el- deselskabet Geffen Records. I sidste uge, strikhuer, næseringe, skovmandsskjorter vi når en aften i februar 1976 i Cobains ter skilsmisse og en intens oplevelse af svigt lers havde afvist at føre bandets tredje og kom hitopsamlingen Nirvana endelig på og militærstøvler. Det ville være så nemt barndomshjem på adressen 1210 East First traumatiserer et barn for livet. Allerede sidste album In Utero på grund af et anstø- gaden indeholdende et af stridens kerne- for Nirvana at levere årtiets koncert i Ros- Street i skovhuggerprovinshullet Aberdeen kort efter skilsmissen bliver Kurt første gang deligt cover. Cobain skulle bruge anseelige punkter, det hidtil ukendte nummer, ‘You kilde. Publikum var allerede ekstatiske, og i USAs nordøstlige hjørne. Det er kun en indlagt med mavesmerter; en lidelse som vil beløb til at finansiere sin familie, et ga- Know You’re Right’. En sang, der blev ind- Nirvana behøvede ikke engang at spille op uge efter Kurts ni års fødselsdag, da hans plage ham resten af livet med blodigt opkast lopperende heroinmisbrug og lægereg- spillet kun ti uger før selvmordet i Seattle. til deres bedste for at få menneskehavet til mor Wendy efter endnu et skænderi med fa- og tvungen faste som direkte symptom – ninger i forbindelse med de uforklarlige at rejse sig som en tidevandsbølge af ener- deren Don Cobain sætter sig ud i familiens og et massivt heroinmisbrug som slutre- mavesmerter. “Kære Gud”, skrev Cobain i Nu er dele af dagbøgerne kommet på ga- gi og begejstring. Lidt liv og nærvær kunne Camaro og med hvinende dæk efterlader sultat. I 1991 skriver Cobain i sit kladde- 1993 i sin dagbog. “Fuck hitpladerne. Bare den, smukt indbundet og redigeret. Med have gjort det. Men Kurt valgte apatien og ham med bremsespor i indkørslen og den hæfte om mavesmerterne: “Mange gange lad mig få min egen sjældne, uforklarlige sit kulsorte omslag minder Journals om et indesluttetheden, som han havde gjort det tunge pligt at skulle informere Kurt og hans har jeg bogstavelig talt ligget i sengen i uge- mavesygdom opkaldt efter mig. Og titlen moderne genoptryk af Biblen, og for mange så mange gange før i sit korte liv – og defi- lillesøster Kim om, at deres mor og far skal vis, mens jeg kastede op og sultede. Så jeg på vores dobbeltalbum skal være Cobains dedikerede fans er det nok ikke helt ved si- nitivt 5. april 1994, hvor Cobain i sit af- skilles. Desværre er Don Cobain ikke god besluttede mig for, at hvis jeg alligevel hav- sygdom. En rockopera om at brække ma- den af. For de fleste andre vil det skizofre- skedsbrev afskrev tilværelsen som rockst- til at kommunikere følelser.
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