„ ¦*•*_; • 2 Harkin reee ives hon omry degree Feminist Mar y BY BETSY LOYD Daly speaks Asst. News Editor BY PATRICK J. BERN&L Zafaryab Ahmed, exiled Pakistani jour- Staff Writer nalist and inaugural Oak Fellow, finally met Iowa Senator. Tom Harkin shortly before the "Men cannot be feminists because Oak Convocation held at Colby on Friday. they haven't had the history of being Harkin helped to get Ahmed of £ the Pakistani women/' said Mary Daly after speak- exit control list, which allowed Ahmed to ing at Colby last Thursday. accept his Oak Fellowship. Harkin was The influential feminist led those awarded an honorary doctor of laws degree in attendance through a speech she for his help with Ahmed's release and for his described as an "inter-galactic vayage." work in international human rights at the Radical feminism, the male-domi- convocation. nated patriarchal society, genetic en- "Thank you very much, Senator Harkin, gineering and education were all sub- for being productive on .my behalf," said jects addressed by Daly, theologian, Ahmed. Harkin " had reminded Pakistani linguist, philosopher, radical feminist PrimeMinisterNawazSharif ofhbwhehelped and former professor at Boston Col- " remove Sharif's brother from the same exit lege. control list, and Ahmed was subsequently taken off the list. Ahmed had beenprohibited from leaving Pakistan because of hiswork in unveiling the murder of 14-year-old Iqbal Masih, a young We are living in a human rights activist. After Harkin inter- state of absolute vened. Ahmed was allowed to leave for 90 , • ' Photo courtesy Communications Jej^or. _ days to accept-histo to Oak Fellowship.by He..'was " reqtiir^ return Pakistan March 2, but Iowa Senator Tom Harkin received an honorary doctor of laws degree. - • -Mary Daly • has remained at Colby. There, Harkin saw prisoners locked up in Magazine, the prisoners were released and After Harkin received his honorary de- tiger cages, cells six by 12 feet in size, with ' the tiger cages were shut down. —— ?f gree, he and Ahmed embraced. eight people in each. Prisoners had been tor- 7 Since then,parkin has worked for inter- ; Daly hasjust released her 4seventh "I am especially honored to receive this tured and beaten; they included Buddhist national human rights. He was elected into book, ?Quiifesence/' which she de- honorary degree from, a college so rich in monks and girlsj as young as 15. Congress in 1974 and has served as Senator scribes as a radical feminist manifesto. history, but (also) a college that's focused so Harkin recorded his experiences through since 1984. Daly said that the word quintes- muchattentiontohumanrig hts," saidHarkin, his camera and a hidden tape recorder. De- In September 1975, still a freshman in * sence describes "what wild womea who then gave an address entitled, "The Con- spite the desires of the South Vietnamese and Congress, Harkin proposed the "Harkin have always been seeking/' gressional Contribution toU.S. Human Rights American governments, he kept his photo- Amendment," which connected foreign aid "We are living in a stateof absolute Policy." graphs after returning to the U.S. to a country's human rights performance. terror/'said Daly,readingfrom "Quin- Harkin first became involved in human When the delegation filed its report, it did The amendment became Section 116 D of the tessence/ "Women 's thoughts are be- rights as a congressional staffer in 1970 When not include what it had seen in the tiger cages. U.S. foreign policy. According to Harkin, it ing fragmented by every force in soci- he was asked to go on a fact-finding trip to Not wanting to participate in the cover-up, was "the first time ever that w.e'd had opera- ety." Vietnam with a congressional delegation. On Harkin held a press conference and the two tive law dealing with human rights." After reading from her book, Daly that trip, he helped uncover inhumane treat- congressmen involved backed up his story. He expressed the need to continue work- addressed issues concerning the femi- mentof political prisoners On Con Sonlsiand. His photographs were then printed in Life See HARKIN, continued on pa ge 3 nist movement including pornogra- phy, rape and the male dominated so- ciety. ; Constitutional Amendmen t to be decided by student body "Rapisl mentality is spread by por- nography/ said Daly, speaking of the The committee will review nominations made by members of videotaping of the rape-death camps BY MATT APUZZO Presidents' Council and will select three members, two to act as in Bosnia in the early 1990S; News Editor justices and the third to be the Parliamentarian and chair the court. of "We live in a time of horrible op- The decision who to appoint to the court will be made by the pression, repression and depression/ After President's Council approved an all-studenit referendum at committee and not by a general election largely because "tradition- she said. , last week'smeeting, an amendment to the SGA Constitution that will ally, in democracies, courts are not elected," said Barndt but noted D aly,who defines herself as a radi- add a judicial branch to the SGA will be voted upon by the student that several states elect judges through general elections. cal-elemental-f eminist, explained the body next Monday, Tuesday, and "The qualifications you're link between women and nature. , Wednesday. . looking for and we're looking for "Womenarecloselyassoriatedwith The amendment will createa Consti- iii members of the court are not nature. Both are exploited by the male- tutional Court similar in function to the a It' s very difficult to qualifications that will come dominated society, both the elements The posi- U.S., Supreme Court to meet twice a across in an election. andwomcnareconstantlybeingraped find acccountabilit y. 't lend itself to posters month to 4iscuss ai^ioyerisee tion doesn by the patriarchal society." , -mil Barndt 499 't lend itself to a cam- actions. Its fcamersfeay it !will provide *m and doesn . OnhighereducationDalysaid/vve accountability for the. Council's deci- ¦ ¦ ' ¦ . , ¦ :• ¦ paign," he said. are seeking diversities, not universi- , " ' ¦" ¦ : ' 1 ' ' , .. ' ," ' : " . . President Justin sions. ' ' . . .* ' . .; ¦ . ' .' . * ./' ..:^' , !7 . • -. . 77 Piper ties, one of her many plays on words < process "lets us as " "It's very difficult to find accountability," said Will Barndt '99, Ehreitwerth '01 also added that the nomination that she used throughout h«r speech. , Heights President and a merciber of the committeethat put forth the presidents really try to evaluate people based on our experiences [ Daly was recently fired from Bos- d proposal, "If you centralize that power, it'll be mucJi easier to do/' working with them. I think we've watched these people perform an ton College following complications re Tl\eof court woulme d be selectedof by a five-member committee com- we have a good idea of what they can do." ' . involving her allege^ ff cj *l;ttf teach foiir mbers While Ehrenwerth said the court would likely be comprised of ¦ ajf prise^ Presidentsof ' Council not serving SGA the ,< male student. ¦ ,"-';;' , > * ^S^ ; .;." . '/ ' , year arid one mei^w the Social Programming Board, aWo those who "have served on Presidents' Council in the past but who next '9 Serving not seryirig ilne riextiyear. See AMENDMENT' continued on pa ge 2 See DALir^mii$&e

¦ ¦ ¦ ¦ ^TB ^^ ir ^ SiMrrs ^r ^^^ v^^ !*^ . * ' * * . . AMENDMENT, cont frompg. 1 yyotx'l be members of SGA/' Barndt would like to see Hip Hip Hooray for Colb y Ci res Day students without SGA experience sitting; on the court He also said he expected this year's court to set such a BY BECKY MUNSTERER precedent for years to come/ Contributing Writer '^don'tthit^youneedtobeamemberofSGAtoknow how SGA works/'said Bamdl '1know the person or Abbie Parkers '01 experience at persons we choose are-going to be people who have the the animal shelter made her feel good capability to analyze the SGA Constitution.'' about herself while giving something According to the SGA Constitution, in order for back to the community. the amendment to be ratified, two-thirds of the vote "The work that needs to be done at must be in favor of it, with at least a quarter of the the kennel is never finished. When I student body voting. SGA Vice President Brad first walked into the room with all the Sicchitano '99 will run the vote. dogs, I was like a kid walking into a Questions rose recently when SGA President Ben- cand y store. I was just standing there jamin Langille '99 and Sicchitano failed to appoint with a leash and I couldn't decide this year's Election Commission before Feb. 1 as man- which dog to take," said Parker. dated by the SGA Constitution. The election guide- Parker spent time at the Waterville lines were also not approved by the March 1 deadline. Area Humane Society on Sunday as Bardnt said, however, the amendment was in the part of the third annual Colby Cares works before these issues arose. Day. She was one pf 210 students, There is also considerable debate as to whether or faculty and staff who took part in the not the minority representative that was recently ap- day organized by the Colby Volunteer proved as a recognized guest had the power to propose Center. motions atFresidents' Council. The Constitution does Parker also worked in the shelter's not specifically address who may propose motions. garden while fellow Treworgy dormi- These are the sort of issues the new court will tory residents painted a nearby fence. address. "It was a successful morning, and a Both Ehrenwerth and Barndt said the idea was not small sacrifice of time to help the com- spurred by a lack of knowledge of the Constitution on munity," said Parker. the part of the presidents, but both said a more com- Colby Cares Day's twenty-four Echo photo by Sarah Hewins plete understanding of the document by the dorm projects ranged from cleaning up local Drew Johnson '01 helps out his friends at the Waterville Boys and leaders would be helpful. parks and Colby'sarboretum to spend- Girls Club. "Who knows? Why don't we?" said Ehrenwerth ing time at the Maine Children's Home ting in an estimated 500 hours of community Rokicki said. "I think it's sad that when asked why the presidents do not have a firmer and the Waterville Boys and Girls Club. service. more people didn't participate grasp on thedocument "Perhaps we should but maybe Some dormitories and sponsored spe- Rachel Rokicki '01, another Colby volun- in Colby Cares Day. It only takes we just don't" cific volunteer activities, while others teer at the Humane Society, was at first intimi- a few minutes to bring a smile to * The Constitutional Court would ensure that all were open to interested members of dated by the shrill barking of the many dogs. people's faces. Besides it feels motionsapproved by the Council are constitutional. the Colby community. However, once Rachel befriended a beagle good to help out in the commu- The need for thiscomes , Barndt said., not because the According to Sarah Richards '01, named Lucky, she felt good about setting nity," said Rokicki. Council is unable to policeitself , but because "not one of the CVC organizers, 210 volun- aside a few minutes from her day. "We all had a really great day," everything in the world works the way if s supposed teers worked at Colby Cares Day, put- "It made me miss my pets at home," said Richards.Q towork, SGA included." While many students expected the amendment to include revisions to the SPB, which came under criti- > dsm this year, Barndt said the process of improving * your , .. . " < f hk Constitutionis not over, but should constantly be Site * to have vote* hard?:. . .. underway. "When you work towards political change/ you. work toward it one step at a time/'he said.Q ' ' Applyfo r £ft/ » posit ion! .. Editoria l i-!' '^ M T-r ¦ ¦ * I —— - *. ___.___¦—¦¦. — „ __ ___ -

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Troy Duster, Chancellor's professor of sociology Students to partici pate in discussion and director of the Institute for the Study of Social panel Change at the University of California, Berkeley, spoke Seth Eckstein '01, Will Barndt '99, and Nick Ktorides '00 are about Affirmative Action at Thursday's Kingsley Birge scheduled to participate in a panel discussion on "The Ethical Impli- lecture. cations of U.S. Drug Policy Abroad." The discussion will take place at Duster warned of mistakes that many make when a joint meeting of the Mid-Maine Global Porum and the Waterville dealingwith Affirmative Action.People often "trivialize Rotary Club at 11:45 a.m. Monday at John Martin's Manor restaurant. it ... asking, 'whaf s all the fuss?'" Duster said. People often "magnify it and make it seem too effective," he Colb y ranked 57th most wired in nation said. Colby,was listed as one of America's 100 Most Wired Colleges in The misinformation surrounding Affirmative Ac- Yahoo! Internet Life magazine, ranking 57th. Case Western, Massa- tion has caused many problems and has lead to height- chusetts Institute of Technology and Wake Forest were the top three ened opposition, according to Duster. This misinfor- institutions. The rankings were based on hardware availability, aca- mation, though, is used as a political tool, to get citizens demic support, free services and other services. to support candidates who are in favor of the elimina- Echo photo by Manuelct Kraemer tion of Affirmative Action. Troy Duster speaks about affirmative action. Com puter Science Festival Wednesday Duster said that the often-used debate that Affirma- erential treatment at other schools and at Colby. tive Action goes against the notion of meritocracy is Duster is also a inember of the National Advisory Colby's Computer Science department will host a fair to display unimportant. What is more important he said, was Council for Human Genome Research, the board of projects, including development of original computer games, re- , - what effects the success of Affirmative Action will have directors of the Association of American Colleges and search in scientific computing and designing characters for virtual on society as a whole. Universities and the American Association for the Ad- worlds. It will be held on the fourth floor of the Mudd Building from He also attempted to dispel the myth that only vancement of Science's advisory committee on human 2:30 to 5 p.m. on Wednesday,.May 5. minority students benefit from preferential admission. germ-line interventions. Duster has advised on the He told theaudience that "morepeop le entered Harvard ethical, legal and social issues in the Human Genome Green to lecture on Mayan widows through alumni admits than Latinos and blacks com- Project. He is also the grandson of Ida B. Wells-Barnett, Linda Green, from Columbia University's department of anthro- bined." Athletes and in-state applicants also get pref- a leader of the anti-lynching crusade. pology,will be speaking on "Collective Dignity and Mutual Betrayal: The Complexities of Violence for Mayan Widows in Rural Guate- DALY, continued frompage 1 mala." Her lecture will discuss on understanding and documenting the human rights abuses suffered in Guatemala, focusing on Mayan "I have never refused to teach women widowed as a result of violence. Her speech will take place youngmales," saidDaly,but added, at 4 p.m. Monday in the Robins Room of Roberts Union. "Women's space is necessary to teach radical feminism." HARKIN, continued from page 1 After her speech, a petition was available for students to sign, voic- ing for human rights. dren go to school instead. Harkin ing their disapproval of Boston "We've made some progress, we said that 10,000 children are now in College's firing of Daly. are making progress, we have a long school because of the program. To close, Daly told Colby istu- way to go," he said. "Look at our "It's an awesome task, but if s dents to "throw your life as far as it last fast-tracked trade agreement. It not one that's insurmountable. If will go." has three pages on international they can do it in Bangladesh, they "It was fasqnaitihg toset^own property rights, (and) you'll find can do it anywhere," he said. to the essenhaJtMdry.Metbooks are one little paragraph, on children. >,. • . Harkin concluded This speech sd abi^dant wjth examples of thjg A child deserves as much protec- with optimismfor thefuturieofchild tion in our trade agreements as a labor. effects ©^patriarchy on women's lives that getting down to what she Song or a microchip." "We're not there yet and we've believes herself is really amazing," Harkin discussed the importance got a long way to go, but 1 believe said Vannesa Sibley '01. Sibley is of getting children out of factories that in my lifetime, we can actually currently enrolled in Associate Pro- and into schools. He outlined a pro- set up a system where the children fessor of Religious Studies Debra gram in Bangladesh thaf paid fami- of this world can be out of the fac- Campbell's seminar on Daly. lies half of their children's $7.50 per tory ... (and) can be found in "The cultural events committee month salaries to have their chil- schools."Q ave us a thousand dollars to hel g p ¦ __ WM I H WH IMI H --W *M Um _ *Hm\ H « ¦!¦¦ ' W « _ _. ' bring Mary Daly to Colby," said *» - _Bf* i*** ^*1__k . H - ---* M M i H a * 4 Megan Watson 99, who helped or- NDNTEREY " ganize the speech. "She showed a ^T lot of character, and a lot of people UNjlll U l£l » MA in International showed up. Theissues that she was Qg I NTERNATIONAL STUDIES Policyw Studies i. Echo photo by Jenme Kecora W*WwMrtW **W^M/**WW*Vi*»*->**^^ talking about were very important A0 MvanISSIONSOFFI C E « MA.„.. in' - , , for us to hear," . Radical feminist Mary Daly speaks to Colby students. 4^ 5 buren street 1 Commercial <¦ ' ' ' ' C A • MONTEREY USA • ¦ ; ¦ *3S40 _. . * . ' * .. DiplomacynUUM M. Daly had good , things to Tsiay said Daly. " I'm glad that there s a are such schools. It'sarealiy friendly til (8 3M)«47.4i 23 aboutherimpressionsofMayflower class on my work. That always place," she said.Q ' 1 MRAin lirternatfonal Hill. makes me feel good. If s a liberal Email::a .dmit»mi .is. edij IHiWic Administration "It was great to be coming here," , I' lad to know that there www.miis.edu¦ ¦ i school m g wwwm www **s*^ »l..ii **vyv>r* ^^ Apply an-Une with our E-Appi ¦ MA in International ' ¦ : " Environmental Nicy ¦ " f< v , • • , „ , \ > , _->¦ ' *'' % f '4- r '* * f t ' _9k /"¦"* • • "***__ __-** * ' ' ^ ¦ ¦ ¦ MA in Translation and Waieiffilli f/keto

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' hhhhhhhhP '' *j3h8S Claudio Ragazzi Quintet ^^^^ B&J J ^HI Latin Jazz from Argentina ^f^kSi i- T ¦ ^^^^^^^ ^Jtf ^^ ¦v thnewM¦ ^kmMM^M^^ ChecJ¦ i in before you check Director of Dinin g Services - ~ ' , i ' ' . ' ' . i ' " ^Ci .,,. - ' 7- •• - ,. ' ¦ receives SGA award out for the summer BY MELISSA GERBI BY JACKI E OGUTHA Features Editor Staff Writer . _ The semester is coming to a close and soon people are Lloyd Comeau, director of going to have to begin thinking about summer fobs, for Dining Services, received the upperelassmen , however , soon will be the time to -head off the Student Government Assocation Hill forever * There are some things to do before heading off Service Award at a luncheon fbr the summer , or for the rest of your life. So, before you held in the Whitney Room in consider failing out of that lab science to be able to stay at Roberts Union April 19. The SGA Colby just one more year , check out the "to do" list that Cind y Service Award is presented an- Yasinski in the Office of Career Services has put together: nuall y to an individual chosen by the SGA President and Vice- Senior To-Do List ; President. "We chose the staff member •If you haven 't visited Career Services, come in and get help who we felt was most helpful, pulling a resume together or have a final check of your com- accommodating and supportive, pleted resume. the person who helped make do- •Open a reference file for letters of recommendation. Re- ing our job easier/' said Ben mind professors , employers and coaches who have offered to Langille '99, SGA President. write letters to send them in, Langille added that Comeau •If you'll be looking for a fob after leaving campus , ask has "made a great effort to keep Career Services for the off-campus user name and password us informed about what was go- you'll need to access the job listin g databases from home. ing on in Dining Servi ces and • Pick up copies of Career Services handouts to take with went above and beyond to ac- you-resume writing, cover letters , interviewing help and more. commodate us." •Complete the Senior Survey that will be handed out at Last year the award went to Baccalaureate Rehearsal , It' s very brief and very helpful to Jackie Person, administrative as- Career Services. sistant to the Dean of Students. • Keep the Alumni Office updated as to where you are living Comeau started working at and what you are doing. You can call, e-mail, or fill out an on- Echo photo by Jennie Record line update on their web site. Colby in October 1996. : Director of Dining Services Lloyd Comeau. "I was looking for a change • After you have decided where you wish to live and work , from the corporate world," he tion of Foss Dining Hall is evi- other recent additions. give us a call - we can belp connect you to Colby people and dence that Dining Services is ex- Having worked at Colby for opportunities in your area. * ' , ¦ * said "and a positive environ- * p. d according.. ; to almost three years, Come au con- * . * ment;?i^r^ arjcl^n^/^a^ > •• _. , Comeau, there have been several siders working with Colby stu- ' > .- < j - >- * ;•;;* ,t «> s, t< .? - -* *>vw Colby has three dining facili- \i f ^^A<^ r^r;j p ties spread out across the cam- other changes since 1996. dents the most gratifying aspect ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ m^^^ m^^^^ m^&mm ma^^ i^ mBm mB pus and each facility offers a "There are now extended of his job. slightly different food selection hours, more self-service options "Colby is a positive commu- We can help connect you to Colby to cater to the varying needs of and increased food items that are nity that is very responsive to peopl e and oppor tu nities in your area. the community. As Director of cooked to order," he said, noting student needs," he said. Dining Services, Comeau pro- that Dinin g Services had also "re- Dining Services is currently vides leadership to a team of 10 cruited a registered dietitian for working on future changes and Junior To-Do List: managers and 150 employees. the staff." improvements which include ex- "I oversee every aspect of Din- He added that the opening of panding their web page to in- * Get a head start by working on your resume this summer. ing Services from the day-to-day the Marchese Blue Light Pub, the crease communication with stu- Pick up resume and cover letter han d-outs to work on at home, | operations to establishing a vi- establishment of a web page for dents, increasing food options * If you are uncer tain abou t your car eer intere sts, use th e sion for the future," said Comeau. Dining Services and ingredient and striving to "continue to bring summer to "in terview" people around you about their joT>s. The renovation of Dana Din- books in the dining halls "to as- the most recent food trends to What do they like, dislike, recommend? Don't forget to include ing Hall and the ongoing renova- sist students with allergies" were campus."Q family members / parents of friends , recent grads , and people you meet while you' re working. Consider volunteering for an . , _-yj.O -l_aW_&--IS: ^^ fEAMtttt ^Qb^gA organization or employer that intri gues you. SOMERSET SELF STORAGE •If you know what you'd like to do after graduation , get a ROUTE 139 • FAIRFIE LD, MAINEgarage.your 04937 ^______s_ ^' *^ ^^ *-__-f__ft_f_ffi dt/t ^h^£ * ^^^ ^^BB^Kflp networking list from Career Services and use the summer to Store JHwmWmTmW^mmf ^ ^mwW^tmW^^m^m ^ ' ™™™™BB5^^ Ml boat, make some contacts. In fields like finance and consulting, BffB™^ : nB _IMHW__i»ik_! -____M -^_H-M__ contacts are extremel y helpful when , you start the recruiting MIH ™fl||M ^™MM snowmobile, four aU^^^^O process , in early fall. In other areas , networking is a way to ¦PHHjHij pH wheelers. Free up that learn more about employers and entry-level positions in your UIBj| ^QU^B space in College field, as well as making useful connections with peop le who „. . ., , 4 . c £ students welcome. Call may be able to help you later , First month's rent is free for , , , . Consider doing an internshi p in J anuary. It' s still not too nownevm and check out, ourmw * signing a 12 month lease!! 24 m i late, and may be a great way of getting your foot in the door , as new location!!!!!! sewce your job search goes into full gear. Q , ¦ ¦ ,tfave a message and we will get back to you! - ' - * >'<£' (- . 453-6707 OT 453-6117 WE ACCEPT i • . fi < i : : . i_—__ y com VOUCHEES in J ri • Tto treatment and management . , Metric Motors vine | warm sS^LWES^^k^ Il wti^ ^ 1-977-¦ 465 ^04 Waterville , Maine 's -^momi \ PO ULIN & ASSOCIATES ©ECARE CENTER ! 166 Silver Street WiHiam J. Henderson , O.D , ' . Meitefc^ .Au«;u ihsk WHERE COLBY STUDENTS CO ' 1 ¦ ¦¦ : ¦ ¦ i Waterville , ME 0490 1 , Charlene Keating, O.D. I ¦ • " ' :- • • •• • ' , Discounts;f oq (207) 873-3500 ' Philip R. PouHn ,OJD , \\ Forftiffn (Ca_r Scfvice 873-2028] Colby students with ID Present Colby ID for 10% Appointments are preferred. Com j 189 Maine Street Student IDiscpunt Waterville, ME acrossfrom People 's Herlta se Bank Altern atives to the cor porate world: advi ce fro m one who traveled ThelJndian Army wound up inviting tiny landscapes outside. And I BY MELISSA GERBI .&. him into their camp to protect him thought, 'What would it be like tp JOHN from. Pakistani insurgents secretly lookatevervthingthatway,as brand Features Editor &Gontributor CTOssingtheboider.InTJganda, Knell new, a fresh adventure, an experi- camped ih\:^e*bu^ '*with^;.feet: of ence so in touch with the mystery, There axe amazing adventures the place Rwandan rebels captured beauty, and wonder of life itself?"' beyond the borders of Maine. Many andbutcheredAmerican, British, and He spent one year of college e^'i^j^^i^^fm Colby students have already experi- New Zealand tourists this year. '.In. studying abroad in the United King- yf ^(^^$:£^ illlfo%heeM ^ enced them, from kayaking in Burma, secret police almost arrested dom, and when he graduated from ; ?: Ecquador- to scaling mountains in him for journeying into the north- Cornell University with both a B.S. *Sf ^ P^ ;# ; ^ W' miM Nepal. ernmost provinces of the country iri Applied & Engineering Physics ^^^^^^^ |Unj ii|j |^^ ^^^^^^^^> . v*77p;}|^ One Maine businessman chose withoutproper papers. and a B.A. in Economics, he took a ' *U,/ '\'' "l{:$$iJ \ "1 know I ran into some close technical job in Sweden and became '; to take some of these routes to find- - 7 ,7 V^^pnl^ grantmedkcatbeiiei^i^!.;Twenty»two ing a happier existence in the state. scrapes," Knell said. J/But I never fluent in the language. fo pariaeisbf^iyart^l^imt^p^ems. ifa&exii&i; \ Thirty-year-oldDoug Knell spentthe really feared that I'd crossed the line "The more you experience these are Inlhemiddle of a^iirigfei. stifike]pj |jt|'sting the decision notMu 4 ? to ; better part of three years backpack- of no safe return. Just as I am careful kinds of exciting adventures, the extsf^^be^ls. The pro^€ste^/,^c||%ig the Chto«dtcJlife' -^-of ; withmymoney, more you feel like exploring them ' ^ ing around the - HigfteVldncatiim, a^jateiufe^ jj^^ world, countries I am also careful deeper," he said. , said fKey would'co^tii^^ fajg&& at ' -a such as Viet- with my life. Later, Knell took a position at a the Cotkegeyraid&meetwitikiliem. ef^|aftc6 -says»tliaf,tlie , ^ s n am , I would actually Money and medical manufacturing company in policy violates ii^lttsjbxirgl^^|^attce^atl|trs discrimination Bangladesh, safety go handin Korea. Though he was never for- based on sexual orientation. The l_Jniv$|&ty responded that they Mozambique, encourage a hand/ and I get mally trained in medicine, his father are^ot required, utttt Pe®#?aaiM t$ providethe *£ Ethiopia and freshl y graduated the most out of has been an orthopedic surgeon for ¦ ¦ .. , , ¦ - . -. o both." over twenty-five years. " -«« . ' w4^"* **«>> South Africa, college student * * ^ spending less What Knell "I guess I absorbed some of the than $10,000 for to pursue traveling implies, then, is knowledge through osmosis," he Trini ty College „, _ . . S; vv ^ his entire jour- right after that people can jok ed. . Hartfoj^ , Cd»neclicttt ' \- ""? < - - " li'"V - ' ' ney. graduation... take these trips Although Knell was inspired to Students at Trinity are fighting against administrative rheto- "I didn't feel any time. Not travel as a teenager, he learned many ric regarding i_a^lictUtttralip|^^camptis7^^^.|libat/ accord* I had to deny ¦Doug Knell, waiting until things along the way. Realizing that ing to the Ttlnity rnpo^^^^^Uicixiu^^mWCom*! myself any- Maine businessman one is running a American society does not necessar- mittee^ been meefttt0*iw&j^^ w^te tile mwhi^ihe thing," he said. multi-national ily encourage travel and exploration year Am^.&h¥fH ,ed Ah Btoth* beghufckg of ^.e k$i$/L i^:tol^c "Picture me sky- business or of this kind, Knell figured the time ing bttt^rhetoric." Therfeili^^e**8i^a^raii ito diving in the teaching at a was right to just go for it. . gains made. In an effort t^bl:|lig^ttie1_itionto the'tWue,|%p_ro)d- Namibian desert, bungie jumping prestigious university is important. "You have to do what you want ' ; matelyiOOstudeiitsmarchedoncamp«s,am\^ngatihepresident'^ ' »« !- , -** ., " V_^*fly»__ 7 • **>- •! ^S *. - "» '» *** !V «<>~«^ *' •» *i'" ;'4' ' ¦ ' over rapids in Zimbabwe and spend- "I would actually encourage a to do, regardless of how insane or wrj fK,^. " j ; \i~ ' , ,*• <-- - Y-*< > -v • - ' ,. >^w,< -• * v? ^ - ' freshl y graduated college student to unconventional it looks. I wasn't ex- ^ - ing 10 days in silent meditation in % -^-B ^Sl^rjR ^^^ W*^^ .„^_ ¦ —-__¦ .¦- ^^ * ^¦... ^1__ ___ t__ ^___ __ ^ ^ ^^^^_ ^^. ., J J J J J^_^___:^„JJ India. You just have to make sure pursue traveling right after gradua- actly slapped on the back and en- ^* " *• >..4xa.*.>.s...1 f.\ —_ .< ^.. -¦-^-.--.------.- .* <.' :... - ^ ^ -^ :-: /..^— ^.^ _^ ^ ^^ _—^^ you get to do everything you want, tion because as time passes, more couraged to go traveling. By jump- andldid." . and more commitments prevent ing off the career bandwagon, I was When discussing the time to start them from just picking up and leav- looked upon by many as demented. such adventures, Knell said, "To be ing. I find if a real pity that most Unless one is obsessed with pursu- MygH^HNfflH honest, I wanted to embark on such people find their lives are pretty ing the .corporate American way of aiiip..igUt^e^^y-^^e|g!er Tgr^yij much decided by.other parties. We life - and!'think more and more tion in 1991 but felt th'e pressure are programmed to go for a college people are becoming disillusioned A AJuris Doctor degree just after hig ol, then b it - stepping off to pursue some- J ®?* * **< • iSATNOT REaWRm) from society, parents, et cetera to be h scho y ¦ ¦ deMSL wn get a 'meaningful' job right after col- thing different and meaningful ' . m &*fi give DAYAND gainfully employed. Then, in 1994, life*mf' ' *?v- mn realizing that if I didn't travel now, I lege graduation. There is no time should be commended." j k^-^M • EVENING might not do it all, I put the backpack slotted inhere for self-discovery, and Knell is now the Chief Executive hm (WHr you need to PROGRAMS on and left." travel can be an optimal way of do- Officer of his own company, N.^___H_k Knell was extremely thrifty atthe ing that, whether those travels are to Innovasion, headquartered in Maine -AFroRDABlETOmON nearby Mexico or Canada or some- with administrative offices in Califor- ^^KmTmTmtdtl? same time. He was the only West- businm, healthcare,law WJUNS AND FINANCIAL erner to ride a first class Burmese where further afield. It doesn't re- nia arid Massachusetts. The company enforcement, governmentor law. train for the local rate, he rafted the quirealotof money either, asyou see provides Internet technology. He AID AVAILABLE mighty Zambezi River for half the frommy case. And inmanyinstances , shuttles between the various office lo- price tourists pay and he regularly if one's skills are marketable, job s cationsregularl y amidst his many na- ¦Hnffl MfflfflH fflffiH • Rolling admissions stayed in exotic hotels for only a few can be obtained while one travel," tionwide speaking engagements. For dollars and several times for free. said Knell. themoment, though, Knell is too busy On many occasions, he flirted The idea of a world trip was wmngtheworldtothinkofputtingon with real dangers. In Kashmir, tlie planted in Knell when he was a teen- his backpack again anytime soon. But 500 Federal Street, Andover, MA 01810 • (978) 6814)800 northern area of India disputed by ager on an airplane flying from Cali- youc an never tell for sure, he cautions. the governments of India and Paki- fornia to his native Ohio. "You might find yourself on the ffTEw glrfl^______l.:7-l Afifa. .I noticed that virtually all the hone with me tomorrow. The day .,.,; fc ^ * ™™™ llH - - stan, Knell trekked alone in an area "I p ^feHfflg^^ where four Westernto uristshadbeen people sitting in the window seats after that, I could be climbing the taken hostage only months before. were staring in awe at the clouds and Andes in Peru!"Q Attention Colby Students rE gntt ifflliliJlllllll£:mTTrrr Hunan Legends szechuan & 41 Temple Street Hunan Cuisine

Lake House For Rent wMIbSS^ i^^ ZZJ^ mSSvV ' T'r'fV9*v*_riP!_____U Waterville • 877-7644 Sept. 1999-June 2000 10% Student Discount w/I.D . Dine-In only Sun-Thurs. 5 minu tes to campu s ¦ Remodeled , Refreshed , <\ 1=1 Whether you are a group pf 6, 5, 3, or 2, Now Servin g Sunday Brunch Read y to Serve You 2 The Lake House can accomoda te you. Full brunch $ lunch menu \-^s* ¦ ¦ Includin g hw itmadc wafflei . , , t , , , Free Delivery * Fully furnished: Dishwasher woods ove cable TV backup crepet * erolsuuifs from 10-1 IVl^ArN Colby ttudant IP. \J^^ Large kitchen , large living room With an Attitude X^^. Picture windows throughout Mon. - Thu. 11 a.m. - 9 p.m. / ^ echo ^ 7/ '^\ Fri. - Sat. 11 a.m. - 10 p.m. Call Richard [ % Q^i_ ¦ 0 Sunday 12 p.m. -8p.m. «=_ss£ (978) 369-2546 (eves) • (617) 572-898$ (days) , colby.edu ^Zr? "A taste o f Chinatown in Waterville. " Colb y perfqrm s " Moon Dances"

is often time-consuming. Conway, an exchange student from BY OLIVER GRISWOLD "Most student pieces began in a Ireland and the light designer for A&E Editor choreography class this past fall as McDonald's piece, described the the final class project. If a piece is factors that go into the visual suc- The Colby Dancers will present chosen for a place in the concert at cess of the dance. their annual Spring Dance Concert the end of the year, the decision to '"The most important thing, ob- this weekend on the stage of Strider viously, is to light the dancers so Theater. Tlie show, entitled "Moon that what they do becomes inter- Dances," is made up of 10 student- esting. The light is as important as choreographed dance pieces and themusic. In Julia's piece, she spoke one piece directed by Performing It blows my mind of'dancing through contradictions/ Arts facultymember Tina Wentzel. that ever yone is in effect, the movement from claus- Approximately 50 student danc- trophobia to intimacy, from isola- ers will be performing. willing to put so tion to solitude. Atthe beginning of The title of the show intends to much time in. the piece, I have the light harass the evoke the mood of mystery that Julia McDonald '99 dancers, but then it shifts slowly modern dance often creates, with a into a light scheme that allows them cohesion of movement, music and more freedom. At the end of the light. However, the pre-show re- 99 piece, the scene and music are the marks of Julia McDonald '99, a same as at the start, but the dancers' student choreographer for the con- continueworking on it is completely relationship to eachhave changed." cert, make it clear that the "moon" is voluntary. Most choreographers Conway adds that the paradoxes also the goal that the entire com- rehearse 3 to 4 hours before tech of the piece are visions of a relation- pany is shooting for. week, and then work about five ship between human and environ- Echo photoby Jennie Record - "I am so impressed with the hours a day during this final push. ment, an environment that he, the dancers, and everyone involved. It is a huge amount of time." dancers, and the music designers Despite the chilly temperatures and gusty winds, They are all volunteers, and it blows Another aspect of the final pre- bring to life out of thin air. Colby students congregated on Dana lawn to enjoy my mind that everyone is willing to sentation is the light design. Since "MoonDances" willbeperformed the many musical acts at FobsArts * LoganPerkins put so much time in." most dance performances use very tonight through Sunday at 8 p.m. *01 (in white shirt) apparently had a great time McDonald explained that the few props or scene materials, the Tickets may be purchased at the box dancing to the tunes of the fe aturedbands , whic h creative prqcess stems from aca- light designers have a heavy respon- office. They are $3 general admission, included the immortal Led Zeppelin. demic work; and that the schedule sibility in creating a mood. Tom $2 for students and senior citizens.Q

j ft ft M ¦ ¦ f^Hn* Directed by Doug Limai

¦ ¦ "Go" didn't stop soon enough. Doug Liman's ("Swingers") m new film is an ineffectual hodge-podge of every indie-film ¦ ¦ device available to the young, hip director: drug deals gone ¦ ¦ bad, techno-remixes of decent songs, strippers & boozing, car m chases with guns, interwoven point-of-view narrative struc- ¦ ¦ ture, rave-ish landscaping and meaningless dialogue spoken by ¦ ¦ moronic characters. The style robs from "Pulp Fiction," but a rather than employing the simmering character tension that ¦ ¦ bought Tarantino an ego, Liman uses his characters' positions ¦ ¦ to tell three crappy stories rather than one. John August's script Ui I a is boring and weak; we have no reason to care for the characters' ¦ ¦ livesi, and the twists of plot are oufl'andishly stupid and point- ¦ ¦ i t less. The story i i I II s someth ng like this: a girl screws up an ecstasy B deal and gets hit by a car, some party dudes go to Vegas and ¦ ¦ shoot a bouncer and two gay actors cut their mutual-mistress's Jj hair. Now that you know the plot, go spend your money on ¦ ¦ something worthwhile. "Go" will soon stop at Hoyt's Cinemas. it t T t Photo coutesy of Universal Pictures ¦ r Gil liam Anderson and Jon Stewart star in "Playing ; ft ft ft M J * j | M "The Jew in the lolu/ by Heart." ¦ ¦ ¦ trmmmmmmW* Directed by Laurel Chiten fl r " Ploying By Heart" j I I II ^ i ¦ ¦ Lauren Chiten's "The Jew in the Lotus" is a touching docu- \\\\\mm\ \\\r Directed by Willard Carroll I:i t « I t " mentary that follows a writer's re-discovery of his spiritual life. ¦ i ¦ ¦ In 1990, eight Jewish delegates travel to Dharamsala, India, to "Playing By Heart" is a wonderful romantic film that follows the ¦ ¦ ¦ meet with the Dalai Lama of Tibet to discuss the secrets of relationships of four different couples that are seemingly unrelated J J spiritual survival in exile. Rodger Kamenetz, the writer, goes until the final scene in which the tendons of their larger coherence are ¦ ¦ ¦ along to objectively document the exchange, but finds himself revealed. Featuring a gallery of fine performances, including Gillian ¦ i ¦ ¦ t I I t personally transformed by the sharing of spiritual traditions. Anderson, Sean Connery, Jon Stewart, Gena Rowlands, Angelina J J While Kamenetz's journey occasionally comes across as ego- Jolie, Ryan Phillippe, Ellen Burstyn and Jay Mohr, "Playing By ¦ ¦ ¦ drenched and uninspiring, the dialogue between the Jewish ¦ i t t t t Heart" is thankfully unpretentious with its actors. While the affairs ¦ ¦ scholars and the Dalai Lama is fascinating to observe as they range from an elderly couple coping with new surprises to a pair of J B discover similar mystical traditions in Judaism and Buddhism. beat-crossed-lovers in the L.A. club scene, each pair works through ¦ ft ft ft ft ¦ ¦ Based on the best-selling book, "The Jew in the Lotus" is an their hesitations and fears for love that, with Willard Carroll's ¦ ¦ ¦ interesting instruction manual on how to re-claim one's spiritu- affectionate direction and writing, often feel genuine and fresh. a jj ality. 'The Jew in the Lotus" will play at Waterville's finest ¦ Q J Unfortunately, Carroll treads the line of melodrama, occasionally I I ¦ ¦ cultural center, Railroad Square Cinema, from Friday, Apr. 30 to ¦ ¦ ¦ falls in, and the film drowns for a moment (especially when Ryan Thursday, May 6. Phillippe has to blurt through his love in a new Volkswagen Beetle). ¦ ) H I ¦ ¦ I I I Otherwi se, "Playing By Heart" is a satisfyingl endearing film that I y ; ¦ ' ¦¦ ¦¦ ' floats on its own love for dueling lovers. Expect to rent this one soon. I 7 ¦ ¦ Rosecram Baldwin is constantly criticizing the meiia establishment JI ¦ I Colby Chorale / Syniphony; present joint concert The Colb y Symphony Orchestra, the Colby College Chorale and the Colby-Kennebec Choral Society will per- form together in the finale of the Music at Colby concert series this weekend in Lorimer Chapel. The performance is free of charge. The musicians will perform works by Joseph Haydn and Sergei Prokofiev. The program begins with the or- chestral performance of "Suite No. 2" from Prokofiev's ballet "Romeo arid Juliet." For the second half, the Colby College Chorale and the Colby-Kennebec Choral Society join the orchestra for Haydn's mass "Missa in angustiis." Also called the "Lord Nelson Mass," the piece will feature soloists Bonnie Doe Scarpelli, soprano; Gloria Raymond, mezzo-soprano; Timothy Neill Johnson, tenor; and Peter Allen., baritone. The Colby Symphony Orchestra, conducted by Laura Jackson, includes members of the student body, faculty and staff. The Chorale, directed by music professor Paul Machlin, currently features more than 65 students. The Colby-Kennebec Choral Society, also directed by Machlin, includes Waterville-area community members ' ; " < /' ' " - ' - . y - . / - . ? _. j . * Mchcyhoto ty lPyodor Shumilov and Colby faculty and staff. v The concert will be held at 7 p.m. on Saturday, May 1, The 14tk annual International Extravangan za was held last Saturday in the Page and at 8 p.m on Sunday, May 3.Q Commons. Here, Jackie Ogutha '01 and Nyasha Pfukiva *Q1 yperfornt an African Dance fromthe Luo Tribe.

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!,_(, » i • J i* > st I < « ' . -> * > . , 1 f ' " •' ' > ' M . < - , "W* 4 < ^ * !SWM!ll RiPPW*'?wl ^wip iPP^^ P3™^f' *9^^ "rS^ n < ! ' ' " ' < , ' , / 7- ' ' < fftotf WRITE/HHT Introducin g the edge you need for college. ' , To pay fbr sail the essentialstraditional financial aid -won't cover, get the AcacUsmicEdge,l,n Loan. /¦;- v .. -' ?: , * " ' , Jj! ^- , , rf'" f I ! " ' j . ' * > ,, » *-" ^ .|lKiBii* *" i ' * ' ' . ^ Low interest rates. Easy to apply.Make no payments in school. Flexible repayment after you graduate. • ' ¦ '"^' " • ' '" ' iiiiiiiEyi|yu ^^ " * .''! 7. '7^____i Al^MS: *'7, : ' 7 -" *" .I(Pw^ ^ mJ ^^M :.Wl'' ;i . A i ' .f - m m NEXT YkAKi - * ff;*f^fi^: 1'? X '^K^^ ^7^: ' Academicrige " ^ ^ THC TOTAL COlfCATION t9AN . Call tell-free 1-877-310-3456 for more information. http: Mcad8mlcEd geXhelaFinanclal.com : ©1990ChelaFlusti-cUl * : IM«|l«_««««««««i««_»_|»»MM««M__i»_»i______M» -_^^ Pled ge, Seniors ! Pledge! Seniors. You know what time of year it is. If s time to skip class and party every day and run around naked and have sex with lots Students respond to Dyer Op inion Article le. But nexttime seniors are at the Quik-Martbflying of peop you We are writing in response to ing that material ,^vhich "seem[s] perceived to be black culture) and condonisatnd lemon-hmeBoone^vvlneandpomomags^dKWpped Ezra Dyer's opinions pieces printed racist must be avoided," President this year's Pimps and Prostitutes cream and dog whistles and whatnot, try to set aside a fewbiicks. in the Echo over the past two weeks. Cotter is reducing the problem of Party (when white students wore Wh ? Because it's senior pledge time! y We are extremely disgusted by the racism to nothing more than "feel- Afro wigs). When studentsof color , We at the Echo know thatthe last line of the last paragraph was content of Ezra's article concerning ings." Not only did President Cot- raise their voices, concerned and as anticlimactic as, quarters in the peep-show booth running out of police presence at Colby in the April ter break his word by not writing justifiably outraged that white stu- 's (and don't act as if down at-Priscilla you don't .know what that's 15 edition of the Echo, his attempt at his response in conjunction with the dents can graduate from Colby with- like), if s the truth. This is the time but of yearwhen you inevitably an apology the following week, and students who staged the protest, as out ever thinking seriously about see one of your beleaguered classmates trying to wrest apledge from President Cotter's insufficient re- he had promised, but also he skirts race, especially in terms of the privi- a fellow senior. Most students have this point in their lives by sponse in that same issue. the issue by not condemning Mr. lege and power that whites have in developed a strong resistance to giving money to people who We would like to clear up the Dyer's words. Instead, he warns us this country, they are told that the , but this is a worthy expenditure of what- approach them in public confusion surrounding Mr. Dyer's that we need to be "sensitive" be- issues they raise are simply "feel- decide to give. ever amount of dough you initial article, "If Mayflower Hill cause "some" activist students ings" and not legitimate problems We knowthatthereare many arguments against donating money needs anything, it isn't the police" mightget "enraged" over something on Colby's campus. This is an ex- in the name of the Senior Pledge,themost common of whichis "I just and his lack of understanding as to that might "seem racist." He only ample of institutional-racism. In , donate money got done paying $120 000, and now you want me to its offensive and problematic con- pointsto the "concludingsentences" spite of the fact thatindividtials who 't (fUl in nasty thing do)." Well, on top of mat? Why don yougo to go tent. The most blatantly offensive of the article as problematic. It seems work within the administration have paid lots of money to attend Colby,but thaf s true that yon may portion of his as though he might be acting with the best inten- , even if you were hit up for every last dime your tuition was still article was ob- too fails to rec- tions, the social stmctures here at subsidized by the school to the tune of $8,000 a year. $120,000 is a lot viously his sa- ognize the se- Colby are organized in ways that but if s still less than $152,000, the real cost of four years of money, tirical reference These compa risons verity of the work to disadvantage racialminori- at ht, donating tenbucks doesn't seem like such a Colby. In that lig to Rodney racist implica- ties. bad after all. deal King. Mr. Dyer draw parallels that tell tions through- Our having to sit here and write Other reasons to d President . ple ge? Your money is matched by speaks as a out the article. this letter in order to "educate" Mr. Cotter and theTrustees. You're working to improve the ranking of us black peop le are privileged For one's Dyer, President Cotter, and other alma mater, and thus degree. You can -allocate your your iyour white student criminals and police actions or "uneducated" students, faculty, money to just about any portion of the college you choose, from who is com words to be administrators, and staff is evi- financial aid to landscaping. Hell, it's even tax-deductible. So next : belon g in black plaining about racist, one dence of institutional racism. A time you're asked to participate in the Senior Pled , remember that ge the local police communities ; need not have suggestion to you, Mr. Dyer, is, you're not only helping others, you're helping yourself. giving citations any intentions in an effort to be a responsible Const itution Change a good idea to people who of being so. journalist and satirist, that you are actually breaking the law, while Mr. Dyer tells us, "I suppose I wasn't refrain from addressing issues The SGA executive board is the Colby equivalent of the U.S. he mocks a black man who was the thinking enough about race." Mr. that "confuse" you or that you executive branch, while the Presidents' Council and the Student Pro- object of unlawful and horrific po- Dyer, it is your privilege as a white "don't often think about." Your gramming Board act as a legislative branch. So where is the Supreme lice brutality and whose trial led to man to not think about race. We feel lack of a sufficient apology ahd Court? one of the most racially tense peri- it is disingenuous to make such a your contention that your racist A task force of Presidents' Council has proposed a constitutional ods of this decade. However, equall claim that you do not think about article was not about race (were amendment that will create a judicial branch to the SGA. This branch y disturbing are his stereotypes about race - after all your article clearl any of the people you saw on TV of SGA will makesurethat motions passed by SGA are constitutionally y urban black culture, his postulations presents us with racial images and who had Jheri-Curls white?), arid sound and that action is taken in response to them;act as the Election regarding who "real" criminals are, vocabulary that proves you have "ultimately a good thing" reirif drees Commission and the Hearing. Board and, ensurothat Constitutional ¦ ' ' * and where police presence is thought and continue to think about what your first article cogently il-, dates are upheld. • , ' = . .» ; - - , ~ *., . > The Constitutional Court, if approved by the student body, will needed. race. It is a sign of your privilege lustiatediYOUDON'TGEf iffYo^ provide accountability to SGA. The Cojurt will ensure that deadlines Although Mr. Dyer would ar- that you are so thoughtless, or that apologize only for the discontent of are met and that motions made and approved are actually followed by gue his opinion article eschews race, you think you are so thoughtless. It those who read your article with action. It will make sure thatelected student representatives are doing ("I wasn't thinking about race, I was is people like you, Mr. Dyer, who little regard for the racist ideology their jobs. thinking about Jheri-Curls") he make it impossible for students of that caused their discontent. In the The Court,, which will include two justices and a Parliamentarian, gives us a comparison between color on this campus not to think closing of your response to the out- is a good idea. Presidents' Council will appoint a five-member com- Colby, a predominately white about race; rather they must think rage from your first article you state: mittee of people who will not be involved in SGA the following year, middle-to-upper-class institution, about race all the time. The fact that "Although it made a lot of people to select the Court's members from nominations received from the and Compton, a primarily black Mr. Dyer is graduating from Colby mad, if the end result is students entire Colby community. urban community located in Cali- (as the senior class speaker) not who feel marginalized becoming However, unchecked power in the hands of a few individuals may fornia. He satirically paints a por- knowing that writing an opinions more comfortable living and study- be dangerous. In order to ensure that the decisions of the Court are trait of "the bad old days" at Colby piece present- ing at Colby made with the best interests of the student body, the presidents must comparingtheField House toacrack ing black com- ^^^^^^^^ College, or be committed to appointing non-SGA affiliated students to the Court. house. He asks us to remember a munities as even merely These students must be dedicated to learning and interpreting the SGA time when prostitutes and home- hotbeds for It is not the job of my develop- Consitiution, and mvist take their jobs seriously. If these concerns are less people roamed Mayflower Hill criminal activ- ing abetter un- addressed, the Court will ultimately increase the legitimacy and effec- and when there were "gang- ity (while men- minority students on derstanding of tiveness of the SGA. bangers" doing "drive-bys" and tion i n g campus to educate the feelings of smoking the "chronic" on campus. Rodney King an outspoken He tells us "those day are gone" and in a ridiculing ignorant white group on this asks us, in the face of the increased fashion) would students . campus, then I police presence, whether we attend be perceived to think it Was The Colby Echo "Colby College or Compton Col- be racist sug- worth if." It is f ounded in 1877 lege." These comparisons draw par- gests that pathetic that allels that tell us black people are Colby College has failed at educat- you, speaking from a pos of , RENEE LAJEUNESSE, Editor-in-Chief ition AMY MONTEMERLO, Managing Editor criminals and police belong in black ing him. He has spent fours years at privilege, tell lis that incidents of communities and not in predomi- an institution where he admits he overt racism mustoccur in order for MATT APUZZO, News Editor . DANIEL MORRIS, Ad Design nately white communities like BECKY POLLARD, Sports Editor GARETH OSBORN, layout Editor has not been taught to think criti- you to even begin to think about EZRA DYER, Opinions Editor JULIA DREES, Asst. layout Editor Colby. However, the 21 summonses cally about issues of power, privi- issues many students of color face MELISSA GERBI, Features Editor BETSY LOYD, Asst, News Editor last weekend certainly tell us what lege, and oppression in tins coun- every day. The "end result" of your OLIVER GRISWOLD, A &E Edito r . BECKY SCHECHTER, Asst. Sports Editor we already know: that police are tty. comments do NOT in any way make KOL HARVEY, Business mid Advertising MAX SADLER, Copy Editor JENNY O'DONNELL, Photo Editor KIM VICTOR, layout Asst. without a doubt needed at Colby. While President Cotter framed students who feel marginalized JENNIE RECORD, Photo Editor Since the publication of Mr. this student response to Mr. Dyer's more comfortable. Do you truly Dyer's opinions piece concern- letter as an "educational opportu- believe having to respond to de- TH E COLBY ECHOis a weekly newspaper published by the students of Colby College ing the police presence on cam- nity" it is not the job of minority meaning remarks in order to "edu- on Thursday of end. week the College is inI session. , have THE ECHO encourages letters from its renders, especially those within the immediate pus many stepped up to students on campus to educate ig- cate" Would actually make one feel community, Letters should not exceed 400 words and must pertain lo a current issue or defend Mr. Dyer and his state- norant white students. It is the job of comfortable? In the future, Mr, Dyer, topic at Colby. Letters are due by Sunday at midnight for publication the same week. ments. They respond by saying the college. A hostile environment if your "opinions" are uninformed Letters should be typed and must be signed and include an add ress or phono number. If they know the author of the piece exists on this campus for students of and thoughtless, do spme research possible, plcasealsosubmitletterson a 3,5 inch Macintosh disk in Microsoft Word format. You may also submit letters via e-mail to "echp@>colby.edu". is not racist. This includes the color, and Dyer's article is only one and critical thinkingbefore you pub- THE ECHO, reserves the right to edit all submissions. President of our College who example of the stereotypical per- lish them in an open forum, The Editorials, above, are the official opinion of the paper. Opinions expressed in wrote in his response tp the let- ceptions that white students have of individual columns, advertising and features are those of the author, not the ECHO . ter, "I know the author pf that racial THE ECHO will make every effort possible to prevent inaccuracy, but will not be held minorities in general. Colby is Kyle PPtter '99 responsible for errors in advertisements or articles, piece and I am certain that fhere a place where students pf color of- Constance Keener '02 For information art publication dates, or to contact us about submitting ah article, was no intention to offend or pro- ten see mocking images of them- Christina Tinglof '00 please call (207) 872-3349 (x3349 on campus), voke/' Although he says he is "out- selves. This Has been made clear b Hines '02 For questions about advertising and business issues, please call (207) 872-3786, y Jasen email [email protected], or fax (207)872-3555. Ourmaillngaddressis: THE COLBYECHO , raged," by telling us that ;Dyer's specific events such as last year's Coy Bailey ^01 t . V) 3921 Mayflower Hill, Waterville, MB 04901 opinions piece represents only "ap- EastCoast / WestCoastParty (when Yvita Fox 'Ol parent racial insehsitlvity" and urg- white students took on whal. they Laura Eichelberger '99 Problems with Wewouldlaketorespondonpoint^ the close relationships we Colby stu- tioEns,iridej^dehtresearch, language Educ ation and the Colorado shoot ings number six of President Cotter's let- dentshaveestablished withour "vis- g^tipdiniieis,parties,andsponsored Tn the wake of another high school massacre , I ,have some- . ter to the editor in last weeks edition iting" professors havebeehshattered cultural events. By losing our female thing to say which I think everyone needs to hear. What really of the Echo; pointnumber six regards and we are left feeling detached from facility of color to other institutions, set me of £ was that I was watching CNN or Fox News or some >, affirmative action. We realize thatfor our studies which have once been we aire left without the same level of news channe l last. Wednesday aftern oon, the day alter the : the past 20 years Colby College has brought to life by theunique teaching dedication and enthusiasm these shootings in Colorado. There were th ree midd le-aged men . taken steps in hiring and tenurmg women bring to our studies. There- discussing what they thought the pr oblem is with these very . faculty of color. While we are grate- fore, our questionis: If Colby is genu- few young adults who commit these acts and how everyda y, ful and appreciative in President By losin g our female facult y inely sincere about "taking great normal , suburban Jcids are somehow just snapp ing like; this. Cotter's effort to review and try to strides" in hiring and tenuring Now keep in mind that thes e reporte rs are of the same genera- findwaystostrengthenColby'scom- of color to other women faculty of color, why do we tion as marijuana , bell-bpttoms and some pretty radical trends. mitment to affirmative action, there institutions , we are left find that the East Asian department I'm willing to bet that their parents were much more disturbed are a few concerns we would like to without the same level of is "mysteriously" losing women fac- at these trends than any parent in the nineties whose child highhght. It is to ova understanding ulty of color? We coqjtend more re- came home one day with bleached-blond hair (myself in- that some faculties of color are often dedication and enthusiasm sources need to be earmarked for cluded ).These reporters were basically blamingthese shootin gs funded through "soft-money" or these women brin g to our tenure-trackpositionssothatwomen on Maril yn Manson , youths with earrings and dyed hair , and -, hired for non tenure-track position studies. faculty of color become permanent television violence. Kath y Lee even had the nerve to blame which temporarily funds their posi- fixtures at our college. The college is Jerry Springer ' s show. I realized that these are the same people tions at Colby. This prevents these right in if s commitment to bringing that are running the count ry and that they, if anyone should be talented, dedicated professors from individuals to campus to diversify held responsible for what' s wrong. It isn't just the media who attaining any permanent teaching styles and personalities of our former the teaching staff, however, we call are clueless, it's the lawmakers and educators as well. * positions here at Colby. If our profes- professors. These are talented and upon the college tp do all it takes to I don't know how many of you come from suburban public sors are continually denied promis- dedicated professors whoare a valu- keep them here. ing positions at Colby, they have no able asset to Colby and its students. choice but to find more stable posi- Their presence on campus is undeni- Donna Chen'01 tions at other colleges. Meanwhile, ably felt through classroom interac- RuthieManion 'OO Despite what the media has said, the cause of these kinds of incidents lies not in the Don't censo r cam pus events media but in the educational system Recently a group of students thename of "wife-beaters." This isa body lies an Amendment that virtu- and faculty brought forth their particularly personal issue to me, ally guarantees, not that you won't concerns about the offensive na- yet never would I even consider be offended, but rather you will be ture of campus events such as censoring someone's idea of fun. offended regularly and will have to schools, but I'm sore there 's a lot ot you out there who know the Pimp & Prostitutes Party, the The last time I checked there was a hear and see things that make your that this could just as likel y have happene d at the high school Screw Your Roommate Dance blood boil. But with that guaran- you came from. Despite what the media has said/ the cause of arid the East Coast J West Coast tee you too will be able to express these kinds of incidents lies not in the media but in the Party. Their solution to the un- The Bill of Rights yourself unconditionally. So when educational system. It' s no coincidence that this is reoccurring . comfortable feelings that arose guarantees you will be you find something offensive, you in the same type of places. There are three major things that ! think make a person who he/she is: education , environment , , ?*& from these events was to direct and can speak out against it, or you the Office of Student Activities offended regularl y also can walk away from those and family. I' m sure that suburban families aren 't bringing up to prohibit such offensive events. will have to hear and see who offend you. But please, don't kids in such a way that they get the message "life sucks let' s While the behavior that may come things that make your start to censor the ideas of events kill everyone who's enjoying it." And while the media and television are influential , violence has been a form of enter- from such events may be offensive, bl ood boil. on this campus. If you do, it might indeed maybe the themes them- not be long before someone else is tainment for thousands of years , so stopping it now is not selves .are offensive, I find it impos- collecting books out of Miller to going to change anything. That leaves us with education. . < sible to believe that we should pro- small document called the Consti- fuel a bonfire on the Academic Anyone from a suburban school knows that they resemble hibit such events. I am deeply sad- tution of . the. United States of Quad. penal colonies more than anything else. Educators and legisla- dened. by trjie f a^t that the men on America that included a body called tors think that expelling kids who do dxugs and get into tights this campus wear tanktops under me Bill of Rights. Within this smaller Raj Gupta '99 is the most effective way to teach our kids (anyone who went to a public school under the reign of William Weld in Massa- chusetts should especiall y know this). If drugs were a reason Vote yes to improve SGA for expulsion thirty years ago I' m sure our parents ' generation y those interested individuals are encour- Before the end of this academic Court would address exactl would have had 50 percent of their students kicke d out of ly. year, each of you will be presented issues that have come to your atten- aged to app school. Anyway, by making penaltie s for what should be , I urge you all to vote yes" on the with the opportunity to change the tion and created frustration this year " kids with suburban upb ringings do referendum inorder to create anSGA minor offenses so great; way SGA works. Last week, including monitoring elections and not want to take their chances with the system until one day your that works foryouand tohold elected President's Council unanimously ensuring the accountability of t t care any more and just explode. Think of it this way: s officials to the high standards which hey don' voted to conduct a constitutional representatives on President' If the penalty for underage drinking were a mandatory five , the Constitutional Colby students demand. referendum which, if approved, Council. In short years in prison , how many of you would give up drinking until strong check Please contact your president or would createa Constitutional Court Court would provide a ' how r idiculous the penalties in our publi c '"" officials. myself if you have any questions or you were 21? That s responsible for holding SGA to stan- oh the actions of all SGA educa tion system are. I think a better solution would be lesser referendum be ap- concerns. dards of impartiality, accountabil- Should the penalties and more counsel ing programs for offenders of all nominations will be taken ity, and transparency that it has proved, minor crimes and bad behavior. If this were the way that on the Will Barndt '99 lacked since I arrived at Colby four to fill the three positions schools were run now I think we'd all be bett er off. Then again , , hts President years ago. This would not be just Court. Nominations willbe consid- Heig what the hell do I know? I'm no r eporter. ered regardless of an applicant's Task Force on Constitutional another layer added to the SGA Dave August '02 bureaucracy. The Constitutional previous experience with SGA. Any Consolidation Task force response inappropriate My name is Shezad Habib. I Ezra Dyer '99. They effectively am a senior Economics major here manipulated Ezra's article from at Colby and the president of the the April 15 edition of the Echo to Colby Muslim Group. I am also, be a form of racist doctrine and Peg those pants and come get retro in the eyes of the college and the exposed Ezra himself as a racist. it back, people will buy it again! American society, a minorityjstu- Ezra apologized for his article in BY EZRA DYER dent. I am writing in response to last week's Echo, although not Maybe the whole Retro movement annoys me be- Opinions Editor the movement by some Colby stu- "profoundly," for his words, and cause it seems so simple, yet I know I can't capitalize on dents to expose institutional rac- explained that he did not intend it. Could I come out with a new heavy-metal version of ism at Colby. I agree with these to offend anyone. His apology Retro is in. Progress is out, unless it's progress Lipps Inc.'s '"Funkytown" and have wild success? No, students that there is a problem seemed, to me, sincere, and yet garbed in Retro. Witness music: I blame it all on Puff for I have less musical ability than John Tesh. at Colby. I do not condone some he was criticized and rebuked for Daddy, but seems like every musician these days either Could I pass in someone else's mildly-changed of the things that have happened his words. Similarly, the three rips off some old disco hook or directly lifts an entire paper to a professor, call it a "remix," and get an A? at Colby, and I believe that some students denounced President song, lyrics and all, and touts their work as "new." Did Maybe you should try. things need to change. This Cotter's words and actions. The Will Smith write the music for "Getting' Jiggy With It" Whatitcomesdownto,rvedecided,is-hatnobodyl-kes change, however, will never oc- task force personally attacked and "Miami?" Sorry, those are nothing but disco tunes change. Change is scary. So we all embrace the familiar, cur with the aggressive nature of both Cotter and Dyer, establish- teamed up with Will's deeply contemplative lyrics because the familiar reassures us that the tornado of change the current "task force," and can- ing an atmosphere of negativity ("Getting jiggy wit it! Uhh! Whooo! Ha ha! Daddy loves is not going to decimate the trailer park of our lives. not be achieved through the cre- and discontent that discourages you, daddy loves you!) This phenomenon has started This feeling that the world is spinning away out of ation of multicultural housing or change and understanding. to spread from hip-hop into other genres as well, and as control is as acute now as it ever has been. Take com- the exploitation and / or berating The task force also supports Limp Bizkit and Orgy could tell you, putting a new puters, for instance. Every time I check out a Best Buy of fellow students arid adminis- the creation of multicultural hous- edge on a proven song is a lucrative catalogue I see that the new com- trators. ing on cam- business. puters have more megahertzes and In my pus. I believe Retro is in on the dance floor too. more RAMsartdfaster Pentium pro- years here, I that this Themostpopular "new" kindof dance Could I pass in someone cessors than they did the week be- have found Achieving an change will is swing, and withits revival has come else's mildly-changed paper fore. If the computer world is a Colby to be understanding between further the ahostof swingbands. ButBrianSetzer microcosm of the world at large, and his orchestra would still be clean- to a professor , call it a then we've all got to worry. I'm an extremely people of different races differences friendl y among stu- ingurinalsinMckeyD'swereitnotfor "remix ," and get an A? writing this on a machine barely school. Most and/or cultures is not dents and the Retro craze. Maybe you should try. three years old, and it is already at people here possible in an accusatory will heighten Retro has also hit the movie the- the edge of extinction. Sometime are aware of the current atres. Shakespeare-based movies next year Microsoft will come out what is going or aggressive setting. problems of are definitely in, but the biggest hit with Word 1900 (a little Y2Khumor on and try not institutional of the summer, and possibly of all time, is going to be for you there, nyahhhhh ha ha!) and then I'll have to to be igno- racism at "Star Wars." This latest version is so retro it is actually trek over to Best Buy to find out how many megahertzes rant. Colby students have been, Colby. The construction of a prequel, which is a word I'm sure was invented just I'm going to need to keep up. It's enough to make one generally,very receptive to me. I multicultural housing will create for the occasion. The Star Wars people know that a want to move to South America and join a tribe of have found that Colby students moresegregation in the Colby com- long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, they had hunter-gatherers whose primitive economic system is have been more than willing to mi_iiity,ratherthanbTingingitcloser a successful series of movies. Therefore, they know that based on trading berries and charging National Geo- learn and understand about me together. Creating a multicultural even if their new version is worse than Tom Arnold's graphic to take their pictures. and my culture. There have been dorm on campus will solve nothing "Carpool," (which I've never seen, but by its cover can But I have a plan to help us all get out of the Retro- many instances, however, in and will instead make the problem tell is an embarrassment even to Tom Arnold) it will rut and get fired up about change. I'm going to get so which people have made igno- worse. The Pugh Center is already still make 8.7 trillion dollars. Retro that people will see me and become disgusted rant assumptions about my race living proof of the prevailing segre- Retro is the latest trend for cars as well. Everyone's with the whole concept of Retro. I plan to embody Retro and/or culture. I have tried al- gation at Colby. Many of the white rushing to get Retro. Volkswagen's hottest car is the at its worst. New Beetle, which is nothing but a Golf restyled to pants - thatjs when ways to respond constructively, students feel uncomfortable visiting I am going to start pegging my ^ pointing out politely the faults in the Pugh Center.They feel that it is a capitalize on a cultural icon of yore. Take a Golf, add a I'm not wearing Jams. I will drive a Gremlin. When I get their beliefs. Achieving an un- place where theydonotbelong. This dash of nostalgia, and presto instant marketing sick I will catch Retro diseases like bubonic plague, and derstanding between people of was not the reason for building the success.Yes, Volkswagen has had runaway sales with I will ask strangers to help apply leeches to my body different races and / or cultures is Pugh center; it's intent was to in- a vehicle designed to evoke the image of the original (while telling them that this is the latest fashionable not possible in an accusatory or crease awareness. Ibelievethatit is a Beetle, a car created at the demand of Adolf Hitler and "retro" treatment). I won't go so far as to become a aggressive setting. A member of place of cultural understanding,but built for some time using slave labor. But forget that hunter-gatherer, butlwillbarterforCDsinStrawberry's the task force, Stephen Murphy I believe that its current attitude can nasty Nazi-Beetle association, let's remember those with a block of cheese. I will watch nothing on TV '99, wrote a letter to the Echo last beimprovedtoencouragemorestu- crazy hippies! Flower power! The Wonder Years! Those except "Three's Comp any" reruns. My musical tastes week that seemed to be articulat- dents to participate in group activi- are the people who really drove Beetles! Other car will fixate on 80's "hair bands" like Whitesnake and ing the task force's similar atti- ties. companies have noted the possibilies of carefully-pack- SkidRow.And l willbe highly public about my love for tude. In his letter, Mr. Murphy Mr. Dyers article was insensi- aged nostalgia/ and Ford's upcoming 2001 Thunderbird Retro, constantly wearing a tee-shirt emblazoned with asks Colby students to "please tiveandwrongandMr.Cotter 's lack looks suspiciously like a mildly restyled 1955 the slogan "Retro Rulez!" airbrushed on both sides in understand our protest as a most of action was innappropriate. Both Thunderbird. Nissan's 2002 Z-car looks a lot like their hot pink. worthy challenge and not a con- shouldbepubliclyaiticizedfortheir 1969 Z-car. Had a successful product in the past? Bring And maybe then, change wouldn't seem so bad.Q demnation." I was hoping ear- conduct, butthe task forcehas taken nestly that I could consider their this to an unnecessary and extreme protest to be* such. After hearing level. They are not displaying the PINNER AND A MOVIE the commentary by Mr. Murphy, proper attitude to provide a new Kyle Potter '99, and Jason Hines and better ehvironment at Colby. litwt Calxonct it burritot l th '02, on Sunday's edition of "Noc- Students cannot be expected to dis- turnal Emissions," howev er, I cuss change whenthey fear thatany- ¦ understand their objectives to be thingtheysay willbe turned against ¦BHBBBBHere s What's Playing Friday, April 30 through Thursday, May 6 Grand j ' | #* aggressive and condemning. them. 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mmWmmmmmmmmmmmmmJmmmM%mmmmmmmmmmWmmmmmmm» ^ Please call 877-9808 for more info J orgenson 's final word s to Colby Senior s find meaning of tested or exposed. They leak out in other ways and make BY BEN JORGENSON those wewere try ing to makemore comfortable less so. The Contributing Writer "ism" becomes "institutional" because it is always below true fear in real ity thesurfaoe whereitcannotbetaken up and exposed to logic As I complete my last semester at Colby,I refer to my and rational discourse and thereby be dissipated. We dis- BY BRAXTON WILLIAMS list Of Things To Do Before Leaving and a few items trust those who are different than ourselvesbecause we can Staff Wiiter remain unchecked. "WritefortheEcho"and "drivethebig never be sure if they will tell us how they really feel We / JohnDeeretrartorthatPPDhas'sitonmy]istwithnorhing bounce off one another in our rubber suits until the pent up As a senior, I've heerx.fortunate enough to meet a lot oi first- but empty paper next to them. energy splits a seam and then ZAPPP! One, or both, of us years. Many seniors operate under the assumption that they are So now what do I write about? Having been here gets fried. fundamentally different from their fellow '02's. But as an in- eleven years, I have seen a lot here at Colby. In some ways, Ithink there is only one waytofix this problem. Weneed credibly immature person, I sometimes have more in common Colby is a very different place than it was when I arrived, to tell people to leave the insulation at the door. Takeoff the with the kids from Waterville Elementary than I do with people back in the day, in the fall of 1988. For example, what rubber suit, dump the harassment code and let people from my own class. Which is to say, Colby first-yeais are gener- happened to the god in beer die? And I understand you knowbeforemeysignthebookonthePresident'sLawnthat ally more adult than I am. now get unlimited OBs. I do knowthat I could not get in what wereall y value and expect from our students is open, As the school year comes to a close, all college students face here today—you are a much smarter free discourse and dialog. The admin- certain existential realities: where am I going to work this sum- bunch thanmostofthefolkslsatnext istration will protect you from force mer? What happens to my girlfriend and I when she's in Con- to wondering if Robert and Mirrelle and fraud and no more. Free expres- necticut and I'm in Massachusetts? Or more importantly: what would ever get together (do they still In some ways, Colby is a sion means just that. You will be re- do I say to my parents when they ask if I've been to the Career teachFrenchinAction?). Many of the very different place that sponsible to your peers for the results, Services office yet? Such realities become more frightening as things you are concerned about are intended or unintended, of your ac- it was when I arrived , one gets closer and closer to senior year, and then downright thesame and some are different But tions.Weexpectyoutochallengeideas horrifying as one begins mailing out graduation invitations. some issues like racism, sexism, anda back in the day, in the fall that seem wrong in and out of the Which brings us to the only difference between me and the small host of other seemingly intrac- of 1988 classroom. We need to warn you to average first-year: first-years don't know what true fear really is. table isms are still hereor still talked expect that you will be offended and I was talking with some pretty radical first-years last week, about. you will be made to feel uncornfort- and I found myself in a conversation that seems to occur all the But we would bebored stiff withoutissues to get fired able and you willneed to learn how to time. As one of many scared, cowering seniors, I have a feeling up about, andyou can only get so excited about changes in deal with that as a rational adult. The process of making I'm not the only one having this conversation: theAlcoholPoUcy.Electricalpowerilowsonlywhentiiere something stronger and sharper often involves great heat Rufus the First-Year: Man, I can't even believe the year's and pressure. Be forewarned young freshman, your brain is are difference in the two points between which it is flow- = almost overl It went by so fast. ing. Differences create potentialandpotentialyouneedfor going to be sore whenyou leave this place. Braxton the Senion Yeah, no kidding. Ha! Ha! Next year energy. Ifssmnplyainatterof tappmgfhateneigyanadayto Because whenyou do leave this hill, and someday youall you'll be a sophomore, then pretty soon you'll be a junior, and day basis rather than lettingitbuildupandblowlhe windows wiltandsomeone

_._>* _ me refer you to the Crusades, in Kosovo the big bombs usually n mmmMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmtM pmmmmmmm^^ j when (much simplified) a bunch Funny neither my detonate, unlike . that propane ¦ Social Sciences of Europeans got; together for a bomb in Littleton that would friends nor I have «MU I H . MH ».H I_I M IMI ¦ Mill IB M -M u ll Mmf M l l»a»'»MMMW«>«_l______W «MI»_-MWM M_H IMI«l|ill road trip to kill a bunch of for- have, if it had gone off, brought ¦ eigners in foreign lands in pur- gone on any killing up the ratings. Being desensitized Art * Drama artifacts. to violence works both ways. ii*i._iH i .- H .ii*iitnnn «n M tmmmtM t m*t*nUHHm t mt mmmtittm.mm4mmM w suit of non-existent sprees as of late. * Immediately following the Maybe we as a society are more Littleton killings, there was the prone to acts of violence, but at m Creative Writing usual rush to displace the blame. Some people say the same time it's just not as shocking. .111| 11IIW MII I II* U M\tmmrmmmmmmmW mm\* *m *i," *mmmmmmmrmmm it was video games, like Doom and Quake. They How can I have sympathy for the victims when ¦ Languages lay Lethal Enforcer. I feel like this is all a routine with the media? say one of the killers loved to p «mm .ll .l«| MHM III HI M I M I M*. HHm i— iih i h whiimiih iimh IWIIf I WIIII M Hey, wait a minute. I like Lethal Enforcer. So do Perhaps more importantly, why should I? Because ¦ my friends. the victims grew up in a town like I did? Because Directing (for Teachers) Others say it was the music, like Marilyn Manson people said they seemed like intelligent, nice boys, ¦W»WWI(»>--W*W»W»»)»>IW<>»WWW^» m l"W mvWrrrtmmmmrmrmfrrmmmmmMw mmimtmmm ^^ and KMFDM. Well shoot, I don't like those bands like I was? Or maybe these feelings of outrage are an ¦ Engl ish Language Institute (ESL) ,,. but I like Metallica and I like Nine Inch Nails, both increasingly less interesting knee-jerk reaction. Like S of whom feature violent lyrics of passionate anger. when Clinton was seen smiling and laughing at a And then there's the old standby: movies. Well, funeral until he noticed a camera on him, when he some of my favorite movies glorify cold-blooded immediately began to cry. Well, I'm not the master killers ("The Godfather" and "The Usual Sus- politician Bill Clinton is. So the next time some kid 246 Church Street. Suite 101 pects"), and we all grew tip with the excessively has the guts and lack of inhibition to act out on the New Haven, CT 06510- 1722 , violent "Star Wars" trilogy, in which we cheer on feelings everyone has, just as people have been Phone (203) 432*2430 • l«lp://vw\w,)'ak.ecliiAummer unnecessary murder. And realistic, casual violence doing since the beginning of time, don't expect me for ca talog rauicsts outside U.S. send $5,00 postag e in glorified form is all the rage today with movies to care.Q —- -—-- -• ...--.-. ._...______.*.__ ... _ _.„_., ,.. ^ . ^.. ^ .... ^ , Got something to say? Want to see your name in pr int? e ^ ^ j . rhO _____B * ^_^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^E H ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ?' S_l^^ l*^^_f_£S^_^^ f_l mHI ______--- _____ l^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^______K : ^_E______H *. ._. ^•SSwS*^^*-'*™ ?' ^? ^ <3^ __8______3 ______¦^^ B __¦ 4______*. n______*____ w vd______-_- _ ¦>- U _ jo. ______M______k__i______L s^______.^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ R£ '§8H ^^^^^^^^^ HI ^^^^ Hi ^^^^^^^ HH&&S£3E3 g£& ^^ M__n_»93Ba______E IS_^ at ___F m____ - vSSBKm^mMWffi^ ^K^KK/mtBmKB^KBtli^^^ m^^^^^^^^^^^^ BmiSslSBsSxr^A.^. ^** ^^ B T3PW_W^___«__K_^_H(t**^ ¦"" -_» qppw W^tSi *9*^flf ?H3Bbw* ¦ ^H ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ K ^BmffnlHHi^^ ¦HHHWMWWlB ^^^^ H ^^ W _, . ,.. _'^hrmH ^______L Y ^1** -"J j ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ R . .flri rir. irin^BITMflMB

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Managing Editor NeWS Editor ' r -||+ SpOrtS Editor / i LCUTO i Asst. Layout Editor ™ ttj&cr-mrCtiof Ad DeStgnCY Features Edit or Asst News Editor I Opinion *Editor Ad $ale$perSOn Business Manager Layout Editor SOFTBALL, frompa ge 16 the second inning. A solo homerun was added later by Colby watched Trinity and Williams battle twice Parks to cap off an impressive day for the Mules. for the right to take on the Mules for their 5:30 Chadwick sparked the Mules from the leadoff spot- championship game. It was Colby and Trinity for the knocking in three hits and scoring two runs. second time in the tournament. Sunday was no day of rest for the Lady Mules, who living been shutout by the Mules earlier, Trinity played three games in the sun. A 9:30 a.m. game against holding Colby scoreless in a 6-0 the Cardinals of Wesleyan featured 10 Mule hits, in- returned the favor by cluding a double and triple by Patterson. Fitzsimmons Bantam win. Gieenleaf was nailed for nine hits before picked up the 6-3 win. surrendering just one more in the final four innings. It was the same match-up in the semifinal round. Pattersonhad nothingbutpraise for thetwo sopho- Again, Fitzimmons shone, allowingjust two runs from more pitchers on the Colby roster. seven hits in the Mules 5-2 victory. Patterson smashed "(Fitzsimmons and Greenleaf) have shut a lot of a towering two-nan homerun over the right field good teams down this season," she said. "Overall, we fence in the fifth inning for her second on the year. played better this weekend than we have allseason."Q

Angela Pappas 01 defends against an intent Bowdoin player

On Tuesday *, the women' s lax team won their most recent victory, a 13-6 thrashing of the Bates Bobcats. The teams were tied at four early in the first half before Echo p/jofo fo/ Jenny O'Donnell Colby scored f ive unans wered goals to Steph Patterson '99 take a permanent lead. hi a marathon eight-game week, the softball co-captain's bat Pappas and Allison and steady defensive play at both second base and shortstop Birdsong '99 each helped the Lady Mules go 6-2. Patterson racked up 13 hits, includ- . scored a hat trick for * ing five doubles, one triple and her second career homerun. ** the Mules, while goalie Patterson's batting average is above .500 with six games remain- Mary Zito '02 made 14 saves in goal. Colby (8- ing in the season. 3) hopes to head into the postseason with a

win in the final game of ' ** -, "* ¦*. ' 'i *" \ V A s "" ^ -¦___¦ the regular season when they travel to I _ffi lllG POCK ¦ Babson on Saturday.

Echo Photo by]enny O'Donnell Tyrone Boucaud '00, Coji Watan abe '01, Emil ¦ ¦ ¦^ B^^ ^ Bllf '^f'- ¦^ ¦ Thoman n '00 and Jared Beers '01 ' ,^^ not ^m%m^mmWS^m^^^^^SS^41k< ¦H^^^ Bwt lftA,. ^'^%mX <£- ' ^j^^^l^^^^^^^^H^R ^ V'^^R^^^^^^^ni^^H^^HHHi The men's 4x400-meter i^toam only became the first Colby team to compete at th^jElNN Mays last Friday, but they broke a [^ ¦B l^H^^ slHHHHte '^ ¦ S^^^ BR school record doing p with a time of 3:21.31. Two days later, the H_IH ^II ^^^^ HHiHHHi. ' ^^______^B team was e^^jiS^ The four- ^^ ^ f;^ y H^^l_^______^___^_H ^_^f_^S_£______f_^-_^B___^p e.B P Is_«^w____ ^______^ ra______HIB H___9__^ ei_^3^^ _£fiA^ ' * ^ ' flmmilB^_B^______^ H^ HBi MB some broketneir own record witha time of 3:20.14 and qualified for *l______8_!___iii ^»__i___r4jjfjj*M __. £^^ l_l_^ i_^.______Hra.____^^ i^ ^______H " " '' ' ,/' ^ ¦^^^li_^K^ ¦^ . >ft< *^dlHH ^¦. ^**' -* H______||^^^^^ h i | the national championships. < . • -'$' ^______H.s^HS______fflra^_lK_^ tiimfflmWH_BIHHWM^CT^^1 _ *- * > 3ffi______fl_____ 39_^__^^ .4WIBW^.. WP*_w 3'' lffil*fflffi*TM_fflM BMBB»fc ^** 7.' v { ¦Half f ¦*¦* ^^^¦n^ffi^^^p^3l______HH»ffi% ^w^ J^PB ^™S^8B88 ^^^^ H«™ ^M ^Ml^HMg ^K^ S^^^ r .» ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ¦¦ 1H £)Q^______HB9B_h91h8S& HffiR VW______H__»__lfl__lHnBII_iH__BI______B^___ 4______l______{______f0i- ¦"* ¦¦ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^HHH| - Il flttminr f* %mmmhmi. ^amrmxmm^mmm^mmm^mmm^mmm^mmm^mmmmmWBBSBBSa^SSiMark Melander '99 The men's lacrosse tri-captain led his team to a comeback 13-12 H_f J^^ BkP^® victory against Connecticut College last weekend when he scored ^^^ H the game-winning goal with just j S6 remaining in the game. The goal was one of Melander's four oh the day, as the Mules captured ^____B_^Ek'£^ ______¦ the win over the 20th-ranked team in the nation. H ______na»WBfflm^ ______BI __^BBBL T**..ft^fcW^ ^ ^l. B. .^ BBMI ll l « B^ H______H____ ^______H__H__H&_fe. ^ *H---_ ___iB^ ______BBBBMMHB M ^.^...... HHnMHHHHnHHi|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ H^H Angela Pappas '01 ^^ I^HI ^ ^IRHhHH ^^ k^ ^^ IHH The Mules' women's lacrosse team improved its record to 7-5 on ^^^^ |^H ^3^HHn^^ Pv> Saturday thanks to six goals from Pappas. The sophomore's offen- -7,, ^^^^^ HHH sive fire fueled the 20-5 win. ¦^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ HH|| |^UH HHraffir b^K: **' f^HHI:1______mhn_i ^^^^^^^^^^ ¦K % % ' _^^^ HH| Ambe r Hall '02 I^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ H^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ HHRnf f^^^ ciA J______^__ _I ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^B^^HB_.______.______B ii.f j R Hall's performance at the NESCACs on Saturday and Sunday ex- --¦^jj^tdxvif risbtftf * - I ji tfiH ^^^ HHR8IS99 _^^^^^^^^^^ HHI ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ H|flt|ll ||MHIfflH^^ ftfl iR*1* . *. 1 f t^______I emplified the strides the women's track team has made this sea- son. Entering the pole vault seeded hist after the trials, the fresh- man won the event and tied the existing school record with a vault ¦ ¦ ¦ o£8'6." ' "

Established 1946

^^ ¦^^ W jttBG ^ftl ^^^^^^ V^^^^^ aB |#QjH^H^^ Kj* ^M ELM CIT¥ PH OTO ; ^j S^^ PortraitStudio , ffiHB One Hour Ph o to ^ ¦¦¦ bDigita l Graphi cs HHRHr Slide Processin g Advanced Photo Systems ema il: elmcity@qu ickconnect.com 266 Madison Avenue 267 Main Street Skowhe gan , Maine 04976 Waterville , Main e 04901 207-474-8650 207-873-4760 * Sports Shorts Baseball strikes out vs. quality teams Colby's women' s lacrosse team improved its record to 7-5 BY HEATHER DAUR on Saturday with a decisive 20-5 trouncing of Plymouth State. aff Writer Angela Pappas '01 provided enough offense to beat Ply- St mouth herself, scoring a game-high six goals in the contest. Five different Mules recorded two games apiece, while goalie The Colby baseball team' s Mary Zito '02 made 14 saves. Earlier in the week, Colby winning streak came to an abrupt suffered a home loss to undefeated Bowdoin, 13-6. Allison end last weekend as the White Birdsong '99 scored twice for Colby and Zito stopped 16 shots Mules fell short in four of five on goal. games. ? ? ? Colby traveled to Bowdoin Friday afternoon and was de- The women' s track team surprised their competition and them- feated by the Polar Bears in a selves at the NESCAC Championships on April 24-25. Hoping to surprising 8-3 loss. Bowdoin finish fifth overall, the "White Mules placed third behind Williams sealed the loss for the Mules and Middlebury with 11 teams participating. Jacqueline Johnson when it took a considerable lead '01 achieved a personal best time in the 200-meter dash, placing in the sixth inning and remained fifth with a time of 26.60. Co-captain Faith Anderson '00 also set a on top for the rest of the compe- personal record in the hurdles and placed third in the event. tition. Colby's Alex Parrillo '99 Seeded 10th after the trials, Jeannine Bergquist '00 finished third picked up the loss despite a wor- in the 400-meter run witha personal best time of 59.63, thefirst time thy effort on the pitching mound. in almost five years that a Colby runner has finished in under a Saturday's doubleheader minute. The team of Johnson; co-captain Kathryn laRochelle '00, against the Suffolk University Beigquist and Anderson won the 4xl00-meter relay with a season- Rams ended with mixed results best time of 50.66. Maria Mensching '02 took second place and for Colby. Suffolk took game one qualified provisionally for nationals in her first attempt at the with a decisive 14-6 victory after 10,000-meters with a time of 37:42.10. In the field events, co-captain a strong offensive barrage in the Karen Hoch placed second in the discus, breaking her own school first two innings. The Mules turned around in Echo photo by Alison Rainey record, third in the shot put, fourth in the javelin and sixth in the A Colby player looks for a hit. hammer throw. Karin Felmly '01 and Kim McCarron '00 placed game two, led by an impressive , second in the javelin and the hammer throw, respectively. In the pitching exhibitionby senior pitcher expressed both his frustration tunity to improve our chances es- pole vault, Amber Hall '02 entered seeded last and won the event, Kris Keeljy '99 who recorded nine with this week's performances pecially if we are able to pick up the " tying the existing school record of 8'6". strikeouts in the game. After a slow and an optimistic outlook for the win against USM. remainder of the season. Colby hopes to spark the win- ? ? ? start, Colby's offensive strike was sparked by a two-run homer by Jon "It was disappointing to losef our ning when as they faced Bates at Saturday' s crew regatta at the University of New Hamp- Lord '02. out of five, with four being in our home on Wednesday before tak- shire challenged Colby's rowers. The best place of the day The weekend ended on a down own backyard," said DiBello. "But ing to the road against 1997 Divi- came f rom the men's jay vee eight boat, which took firs t-place note for the Mulies as they fell twice on the upside, we have another four sion III National Champion Uni- by beating Division I UNH by 12 seconds. The men's varsity on Sunday to Tufts University. games before the ECAC selection versity of Southern Maine eight lost by two seconds for a second place finish. Both the Game one ended in a 11-5 loss. Colby meeting; and we have good oppor- today.Q men's and women's novice eight boats placed second, sand- was unable to recover from the 11-1 wiched between the UNH A and B boats, though the women lead establishedby the Jumbosearly triumphed over Bates as well. The women's varsity eight fell in the game. Colby Pottery Club Sale to UNH by seven seconds but beat Bates for the second The second game proved consecutive week. The crew teams have a chance to redeem equally frustrating for the Mules . ' ' v - , themselves on Saturday when they compete in the New En- as they fell 11-3 partly due to a gland Championships in Worcester, Mass. strong showing by Tufts. Co-captain Brian DiBello '99

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Baseball @ University of Southern Maine, April @ ^^^^w^^l^ Baseball Hall of Fame Tournament, Coogjj mf^ 0^2}^X competition at NESCAC s Baseball @ Thomas, May 4, 4:00 , ^^' - ' * ~ i' '^^B^ < 'V 1/ Baseball@Bates, May 5, 3:30 " * BY BECKY SCHECHTER ,^0f% WSt ^?> - ' Asst. Sports Editor Men's and women's crew ^iWei^^takidl , 7 d^^^^ri8^jpVV,; Worcester, MA, May X ,• ' °' * ' '^S- ; ^3Br * -' ^" *>?> The men's tennis team traveled Men's lacrosse HOME v. Babsiftl^Ht, 12:00 ' " ' *' • to Amherst Saturday for the New Women's lacrosse @ Babson,M^'^ IjOO „ -, ' * England Small College Athletic Con- Softball HOME v. Bowdoin, A^m 30,4-Jo , j ference Championships. The White Softball © Bates (2), May 1 1:00 , . , @ ^ -d^IP4 Mules faced strong opposition Men's track State of Maine, Bowdoin, May 1, 1:00 «9K across the net from the home team Women's track® NewEnglandDiv.IIlChampifl^d^Si^^B ' ' Lord Jeffs, Trinity, Bowdoin, Bates, field, May 1, 2:00 , . . 'j H' ' Wesleyan, Middlebury and even- @ ^^K ^^^ Men's tennis CBB Toumamentj^A^^l^^'1^2 , . *-\ tual tournament winner Williams. "We did okay, but we didn't do great," said head coach Fred Brussel. mm\m\\w mmmmm\mmm\\\ ¦ ^^ Ur ^m\W^mW^m^m ^mm\\\\ ^^ ^F*\w^m\W^ ^ m\\ r^m\m\\\^^ ^m\W^m\rj mW^______¦ "It's better than we've done before, so that's an improvement." In the singles competition, two 5 Mules made it past the first round Colby baseball v. Husson 7-6 in their respective draws. Num- Colby baseball v, Bowdoin 3-8 ^ ber six seed Ross Frankenf ield '00 Colby baseball v. Suffolk 6-14, 9-7 .^ # /^ overcame his Wesleyan counter- ~I Colby baseball v. Tufts 5-11,3-11 ^g? § MR part in the sixth draw, but fell in Men's lacrosse v. Wheaton 17-2 ^ | fjpf Sr ^* the next round to the number two Men's lacrosse v» Connecticut College 1^-W^ * Amherst player. In the third draw, Women's lacrosse v. Bowdoin €-13 ^^ #& number seven seed Peter Bruhn Women's lacrosse v. Plymouth State 20-5 c^J . '00 also beat his opponent from * * Echo photo by Sarah Hewins Softballk Hu^on 8-3 * " * i*** « ¦ Wesleyan, but then also suc- ^ 4-0 v * * * * Members of the men' s tennis team practice their forehand. Softball v. ufttitoCtaMMI* ' Vj k M y^. cumbed to Amherst's second * ^ seed. So^l l UNJaii^Farmington V-r T^'^B number two pair. We just came up a little bit short"*^ The doubles competition "There were a lot of tight The 8-6 squad hopes to avenge yielded similar results. Colby's matches that came down to the regular season losses to the Polar top seed duo of co-captain Owen final points and we came out on ¦ ^ Bears and Bobcats when they take '^^p^eydb%^j Mi Ji. .. v^tii.i*Z*n ~°-i_f S/'H; i v f^ ¦** mr y-iitSm" ,«ufj H M Patrick '01 and Jason Bidwell '02 the short end of a lot of them," on rivals Bowdoin and Bates at llSgmsmv. d^S ^< * ' - ^W,l ^ l Vw^ ** <™ _ __ jBi — «*_- fc^w^^ w*. ^ &mwr-r<*»¦ > ' ^t * V WmmmW ____ J__*wy^ V ?! * ' T^ ^L^L ( ^Lm ¦¦ defeated the team from Wesleyan said Patrick. "A lot of guys ' wBSft -ft 1 CtttfflB V JteWflHWI ^1*6 ^ " **% '** >SB .£. ' ^ $i&J&&* ^KKiW the CBB Championships at before losing to Middlebury's showed a lot of heart and desire. Bowdoin on May 1 and 2.Q

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Mr.nig* JIN" ' C.^_^***^ ^ olby"MU "HI Pageant<*w^ - Friday April 30th Page Commons Room ¦ ' ' ¦ " • ' ' ¦ ' 7 ' 7 .7 . 7 • . '- «

Lip Sync '99 Saturday April 1st Page Commons Room

. . . %i£ ^^ ^#fr& ^^ Men 's lax beats 20th ranked Conn , with 56 seconds left '99 and two first-year defensive saves in the net. BY BECKY POLLARD players who anchored the backfield Colby's record is 8-3 as the team Sports Editor after senior defender Jay Cuenca competes in its final week of regu- '99 pulled his hamstring on the first lar season play. The Mules took on In a contest featuring lump scor- play of the game. Bowdoin at home yesterday, a team ing by both Colby and Connecticut "Everyone played as hard as Zazarro said "is probably playing College, the Mules put together the they possibly could," said Zazarro. the best in New England right last momentum shift, rallying for "And certainly the senior leader- now." four unanswered goals to beat the ship at the end of the game was Colby wraps things up this Camels 13-12 in New London on really remarkable." weekend with a home contest April 24. The tight 13-12 win came after a against Babson on Saturday and a With 56 seconds left on the clock, Colby tri- captain Mark Melander '99 turned the face-off into the game-winning goal. It was then up to the defense to stop Con- necticut from retaliating.

., ^^^^A .^,^_ ^.^.^. A A,^^_.^... ^., ^^.A 1 ______.__ .____, .____ .._.. j , 1, ^ „„. ^, ^^^^ ,.,, ^^.., fn ir . r '" -¦¦ fl'""Hir" y rTM""Ufl_imniaLrr ii.T""vfi ""iTi . r v"" iin Colby did that and Echo photo by Alison Rainy Rightfielder Kim Chadwick '02 squaes for the sacrifice bunt. sealed the victory over the 20th-ranked team in the nation. Busy week for softball results in After the decisive vic- tory, Colby's 15th place second place tournament finish rank improved to 3rd. The Mules had tied BY PATRICK J. BERNAL the game at 2:08 when midfielder Pete Kugeler Staff Writ er '99 found the net. Despite an 8-5 half- The Colby softba ll team played throu gh a busy week of NESCAC time lead, the Camels action to take second place at the Trinity College Softball Tourna- forced the Colby come- ment. Going 4-1 over the weekend , the White Mules improved their back with several spurts record to 17-9. of scoring. Colb y opened up an impressiv e week of softb all actio n with a "It was a game of devastating 4-0 win over interstate rivals the Beavers of Universit y streaks," said head coach Echo photo by J enny O'Donnell of Maine at Farmington. Sophomore pitcher Brooke Fitzsimmons David Zazarro. "We Marc McEwen *01 looks for an open teammate '01 slammed the Beavers by hurlin g her second shutout of the year. played a little too con- Colby took an earl y lead in the bottom of th e first when co- servatively in the third quarter and blowout performance earlier in the makeup game versus Eastern Con- captain Steph Patterson '99 rea ched on a two-out error and scored on Connecticut was able to knot the week against Wheaton. necticut State on Sunday, which a double by Marcy Wagner '02. Lizzie Parks '02 and Becky Rasmussen score at eight." Firing in eight goals to start will be played at Philips Exeter '00 ran up the score in the third with back to back RBI singles, The teams traded goals before the game, Colby's 9-1 halftime Academy. earning Colby thre e more runs. In the shutout , Fitzsimmons struck Connecticut fired in three more to lead set the pace for the 17-2 win. After that, the Mules hope, will out seven and allowed onl four hits. y go up 12-9 and spur the Mule rally. Tri-captain and Colby's all-time be the post season. Zazarro is posi- Farming ton pitcher Heather Marde n was also impressive. The Melander's game-winning goal points leader Matt Williams '99 tive about the team's chances of fifst-year went six innings allowing no earned runs on five Colb y was one of his four on the day. scored three times, while Jeff qualifying. hits. Ryan Kelly '01 scored three times. Boyer '00 tallied five points on "We control our own destiny," Saturday, the White Mules bega n an intense five-game weekend Zazarro credited stepped-up the day with one goal and four he said. "Right now, the post sea- at the Trinity College Softball Tournament in Hartford , Conn . In no defensive play by first-year goalie assists. Goalies Shea and Brian son looks like a very real t , ime the Mules established themselves as the team to beat. Winnin g John Shea '02, tri-captain Brad Selig Heister '00 combined for eight possibility."!!! its firs t three games, Colby became the top seed in the tournament. A win against Wesleyan put tlie squad into the championship game agains t the host Trinity Bantams. In the first game of the preliminary round against Williams, Men's rugby com petes in final four Colby fought hard to hold on to a 6-5 victory. According to Dave Burke '99, ego by a score of 26-10. UCSD went In the fifth inning the Mules trailed 4-3 when Patterson tied the BY BROOKE FRAPPIER the two teams were "pre tty evenly on to eventually win the national game 4-4 with an RBI sing t t C le to cen er field o score Kim hadwic k Staff Writer matched." title. '02 . Later in the fifth, Pa tterson scored on a two-run double by catcher The game was clinched with "Th e team worke d well togeth er Parks. The Colby men 's rug by team only 90 seconds to play when points as a unit," said Burke of the team 's Those runs proved to be all Colby needed as it went on to win traveled to Ohio last weekend in were scored on a drop kick by Dave play throughout the weekend. over the perenniall y tough Ephs. Wi th the victory, Fi tzsimmons search of a national title. After a Norm oyle '00, who flew in for the In its third game in three days, picked up her ninth win of the season. first-round victory, the Mules su f- tournamen t fr om Spa in where he Colby lost to the team from North "The Williams game was the most importan t win of the year for fered two losses to end their sea- is studying abroad for the semes- Colorado, but came home with the us," said Pa tterson. "They have such a tremendo us reputation. It was son, but not their excitement for ter. The final score was 25-24 in satisfaction of being the number a real nail-bi ter ri ght to the finish. " the team's most successful season favor of the While Mules. four team in the nation. In the second game of the day against Trinity, Steph Greenleaf ever. In th e semi finals on Sa tur day, Accor ding to Burk e, severa l '01 was pitching a no-hi tter until she spraine d lier ankle while The National Collegiate Club Colby competed as one of the four Mul es played well for Colby, in- ba tt ing in the top of the seventh. Fitzsimmons came in to preserve Championshipsbegan Friday with best teams in the nation. The Mule cluding Normoyle, i e the 3-0 win and the no-hitter. Annan Kl n a stellar start for Colby, as the team ruggers put out an strong perfor- '00, Geoff Starr '00, Brad Siccllilano Ka te Dal ton '02 banged a two-out , two-run homerun in the top of triumphed over the University of mance, but ultimatel y lost to the '99, Ke it h Ph i fer '99 and Russ See SOFTBALL , continued an page 18 Dayton . University of California at San Di- Scran ton '99.U Men ' s baseba ll f alls short in f our of f ive games, see page 14. / M C/ /") /-" C/-7L, 11 ' 7 C ' Ll\ u. LL L c I IXI u. •Men ' s tennis looks to upcoming CBB champ ionships, see page 15. Presidents ' Counci l PPD receives first new forms new Task FSMTV vehicle BY CARETH OFNOONE Force tas k force Laye d Out Bitch we're not even sure this proce- BY BANAL MORALLESS dure is legitimate," said SGA After two years of waiting, the Do as I Say Editor VPBrad Suckonit-oh! Suckonit- Physical Plant Department has fi- oh! added that he still refuses to nally received the fruits of its in- In the hopes of making stu- speak to Matt Putzo. vestment in new ground keeping dent government less cluttered Other students agree. Mili- technology. Director of PPD, Gor- and more easily understood by tant activist Steve Smurfy said don Milkman, reported to the Trust- the student body, presidents "SGA has an infection: an in- ees on Monday that the first new voted to form a special Task sidious virus that's multiply- prototype vehicle had arrived on Force task force Monday. The ing exponentially and absorb- campus. new Task Force task force's mis- ing everything in its path. SGA "We have too many god-damn sion is to coordinate the actions has cancer and I'm the scalpel. 1 vehicles/' said Milkman. "We have of existing task forces and sub- will bring the fire and fury of four carts to pick up leaves, six to committees, and if necessary, the Lord upon SGA, and they mow the grass, three tractors to to create new committees and will repent their sins and shovel snow, twenty general use subcommittees to evaluate task change their ways or burn for trucks and fifteen miscellaneous force undertakings. etenity in the deepest pits of vehicles used to haul my fat-assed "We create new task forces Hell." Shortly after Smurf y 7 staff around the campus grounds... every week/ said SGA Presi- made his statement he set him- All together our small motor fleet is dent Ben Copafeille, "but we self on fire to protest Dana's costing us a small fortune, " he said. don*t reall y policy of not In order to keep expenses down, know what the serving Milkman sought to purchase a fleet of Echo photo by Banal Moral less hell we' re do- chicken new vehicles, which would be capable The FSMTV is ready for lawn detail. shocked to learn that no such multi- ing, so more We create new task grillas until of performing all the tasks of the vari- could transform a regular big-rig pu_posevehideexisted.Unfazed,Milk- often than not forces every week. after 8 p.m. ous PPD vehicles. After watching vari- truck into a missle-launching plat- different task As it now form, I could easily create a vehicle man contacted Hasbro technologies, a —Ben Copafeille '99 , ous daytime television shows, Milk- forces have st ands , the man realized the technology existed to which could mow the lawn, shovel subdivision of Hasbro Toys. come to blows SGA Presidents a new Ta sk make his dream a reality. snow, pick up leaves and still carry "While the first four times I tried over just what Force task "I said to myself, if Voltron could my fat-assed staff around campus." to call Hasbro they dismissed my , I finall convinced tasks they ' re force will be be formed by combining many col- After contacting various vehicle calls as a joke y supposed to be doing. It 's ver y comprised of a group of ored mechanical cats or if M.A.S.K. manufacturers, Milkman was See PPD, cont. on vagina tres confusing. " Copafeille said Copafe ille's fri ends, who not that by cre at ing a ta sk force to need to be confirmed by a vote. k eep t r ac k of all the t ask "That way they can be tota lly forces , it would be one less objective , and not have to worry Recent stud y shows correlation thing for the presidents to about compromising their find- worry about. ings in exchange for votes," said "I mean , you can't expect Copafeille. Plus, Jim [insert last betwee n ignora nce, bliss dorm presiden ts to be knowl- name ] is totall y cool and I just by the April shootings at Columbine High School . ed geable abou t the whol e know he'd do a great job next BY SHATT APUTZO What's more, nearly three fourths of those outraged [SGAJ constitution. It would be year. Scr ewd Editor thought the grill line at Bob's was moving too slow and bett er to give the final say in all Suckoni t-oh! hasn 't ruled out classified the chicken dinner as "totally gross." issues to a group of studen ts-at- the possibility of forming a new In a two-year study of Colby students, an indepen- "If Colby has proven anything, it's that ignorance is large with no prior governmen t task force to oversee the Ta sk dent research group has determined that ignorance is the key to life," said Rames. experience. Dorm pres idents Force task force , bu t said he'd indeed bliss. The conclusion was drawn from extensive As evidence, he points to Mary Low resident Anita are too busy enjoy ing their grea t pass tha t decision onto one of data collected from day-to-day observation of students Clue '99. Rames has no idea what she will do after rooms to bother with student the existing task forces. at one of the nation's happiest colleges. graduation, but is sure "something will come along." government. J ust look at our "Either the Task Force on Dr. David E. Rames announced his team's findings Her parents have offered to support her during a attendance. " Commi ttees or the Task Force at a poorly attended and equally inadequately publi- post-graduation tour of Europe, where she will "find The idea for the new Task on Subcomm ittees could reason- cized lecture in the Robins Room of Roberts Union, hers el f, and just take some time off." Force task force came out of the abl y request to oversee the Task Tuesday. Rames, an American Studies ma- Subcommi ttee on Task Forces , Forc e task force , but the Sub- "Colby students don't care about, jor says she deserves so me time away crea ted in April by the Com- committ ee on Commi tt ees also well, anyth ing, " said Rames. "But it from the rigorous course load she is mittee for Campus Chang e for has a valid claim; we had them turns out they can enjoy life because Colby students used to. Like most students, she is reasons tha t are unclear , since deb ating for a week on tha t they are completely obliviou s to all don't care about , completely unaware of anything go- inspection of Presiden t's Coun- group we formed to look into things going on outside their flannel- ing on outside her insulated world, cil minutes shows no mention PPD wasting sod, when it turned lined, cable-ready, spor t-utili ty lives." well, anythi ng. including the fact that the United of the Commi tt ee, which was out that was the Commission on Rames interviewed over 200 stu- States continues to bomb Iraqi civil- never formally recogni zed. Lawn Care , and not the Com- dents in his study. ians. "See? This is exactly what mit tee on Lawn Care. We owe While students are more pensive when sitting in "Oh my God, that's horrible. Can you imagine all we're talking about. We've got them one and they ' re calling in a "Crazy Cr eak" chairs from L.L. Bean, Rames said 80 those people who will suffer," she said upon learning some committe e that someone favor. " perc ent of studen ts pref erred a ttemp ting to mas ter the that military action could have detrimental effects on created that create d a subcom- The new Task Force task hip tongue twisters in the la test Del ia catal ogue to the domestic economy. "There are so many people who mittee that prompted the for- force will begin operating in the trying to make sense of the situation in Kosovo. have money in the stock market. What's going to hap- mation of a new task force, but f all of 1999.Q Over 95 percen t of the studen t body wer e outrage d See IGNORANCE , continued to page. U Trustees approve new dorm com plex Shanty to open doors in fall of 1999

BY SHATT APUTZO Election Commission to further disru pt Screwz Editor electoral process , discredit SGA As an unexpected offshoot of The Student Government Association Election Comission over- this year's renovatiorr of Foss and turned the election of Benjamin Hump-me '00 and Jon Blue '00, Woodman, a large demographic of Tuesday. It is the second such action taken by Commission, the Colby population has found it- which was established with complete disregard for the regula- self without a place to call home. By tions established in the SGA Constitution. vastly improving, the living condi- "We feel we have enough information to suggest that this tions in the dormitories previously election might have been tainted," said SGA Vice President Brad known as "the ghetto," Colby has, Suckonit — Oh!, " While this information is vague and overall for all intense and purposes, elimi- unfounded and we can't actually act on any of it, we do intend to nated appropriate housing for those hold another election and maybe even more elections until the wishing to live in destitution. student body gets it right." In light oftheir plight, the Trust- When asked what he. meant by "gets it right," Stick It To Me ees approved Thursday the con- — . Oh! said all would be explained in an ambiguous and innocu-^ struction of a new dormitory to be ous e-mail that would.serve to confuse.as many people as pos- named Shanty. sible. The cost of Shanty's construc- " It is anticipated that the re-elections will continue until stu- tion willbe $1,214 according to offi- dent confidence in SGA is has sufficiently deteriorated and the cial estimates. It will include six only people left voting are SGA members themselves. quads and one bathroom. The walls will be made of plywood and the ceiling is expected to leak. How- Suck-ohh wo rthy to wra p fish in ever, there is already a 23-person Shanty waiting list on file in the Jeff Cantamari, customer service representative at Waterville Dean of Students Office. House of Fish, said Monday that the Suck-ohh was finally good "I'm so stoked," said one cur- enough to wrap fish in. rent Woodman resident upon learn- /'I've stayed away; from the Suck-ohh for a long time now, ing of Shanty's approval. "Tim and optinginstead for The Eagle or the New Life Journal, or another I were totally talking about this the of the free papers that are distributed in the area. But this year, other night when we were pulling the Echo has really impressed me. My customers expect quality some tubes in his room. Colby in their fish and their packing material, and the Suck-ohh can should build like a place where you deliver that quality. I'll definitely be wrapping my fish in it can just chill, man." Photo courtesy Shanty f oundation from now on. . His friend agreed, nodding his We love Colby' s housin g options, don't we Bertha? head fervently to the beat of Bob students. week from eirherSpanky's, WHOP, Dylan's "Hurricane." "Dude,doyou think WHOPwill or Dominos. "What are we talking about, deliver there?" he asked poignantly. There will be no Head Resident CORRE CTION dude?" he, asked. Aspokesman for the Waterville in thecomp lex, as Dean of Re^iden-

' ' ' ¦n ¦ • «¦ ?. - . •" t ' _. i' * 1 - Y V *- H V -* • : 1 -Wl . t f " : ? ., ; ffi. . i>,;' ^ J ; !"? .-•*£ . ' ' tife Ronald Salmpri saicl. ^f ? fa' / * , , There will be no parking lot or House.. of Pizza , said. ¦ * .,.the. .j. establish-... ., .. . ti^l Shanty .. .. .,., . . . _ . _ Last week, the Suck-Ohhhte -joraeowsZy reported that driveway leading to Shanty, which ment wouldnot do anythingtojeop- residents need to be tree to Explore West Quad HR Tuni Shaken '99 was found in the will be located in the woods behind ardize the late-night inebriated stu- their own limits and set their own street of Miller Library having sex with a chicken. the rugby field. Residents, however, dent market, which makes up ap- regulations. Shako r, however, was actually just watching TV, and will likely ride to classes on moun- proximately 82 percent of its busi- "Tha t's so cool," said a in an e-mail to the Suck-Ohhh attribute d the erro r to tain bikes on such occasions as ex- ness. Woodman resident. "Howcrazydoesthattapeshyloolg the continuous blundering and mishandling of news by ams or finals. In fact, Boy I Don't Know of Although one concern eluci- Colby Dining Services said Friday, man?" countered another student. the mediocre Suck-Ohhh staff'. dated best by a second-floor Foss a special Shanty meal plan will be Plans for an herb garden behind The Suck-Ohhh regrets the error. resident, was voiced by a number of offered including 14 deliveries a the dorm are already underway.?

¦ ¦ ¦?¦¦«* Miil»__i .«- H*m»m | HHtll I HmMHUH .. ... H . _? »«¦«¦H lH -m-m . I -»_ i -. ¦¦¦ ii-ni.wi.n-m-i i 1KI " ** I*. * - -H NOW OPEN NewJ* i$e tZntf &uiw* tvft L 31 Water St. ¦ ¦ rv^^ _ pa4>Mwv_rvfirv ^_.^r ¦^^ ¦ __T^^' IPc__B-_U_A(tt '* ^pft Upscale Resale & Multi-Dealer Mall J lJSmm9**mm}$'} Waterville 72 Elm St. Waterville ^ 877-6600 Next to Highlander Laundry jnTTTtr !!!! !!^ < ^ Exclusive candles, original gift items, artwork, antiques, Now Servin g Sunday Brunch collectibles , Maine made gourmet food items, crafts , Rill brunch S lunch menu Free Delivery • Dme In • Pick Up including homemade waffles , handmade soap, select consignment clothing, & more $6.50 minimum - limited delivery area crapes $ croissants from 10-2. Great gifts for Mother 's Day Adj acent to RR ¦ Cinema Open Sun-Thurs 11 am- 1 am Crafte rs wanted • Consignments wanted 672-9500 4-10 pm dally 10% off food Wed. * Thurs. Fri~Sat 11am-2am, Please call 877-9808 for more info nights with a Colby student IP.

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* _\ M g uUM hM__I______^_^^ __H______I [wW , " ** _ '_ ' w ^ ]*t *%Hmmmrm' mrtM)I ' ' ^f*Hl *llltl l/l ^ ' *"»' titmtm. Medium 12" "* r __""__ J* \J*""* ** #*% M *\ I .I t mmmrnmm *)*»*+ 24 HK. SER VICE I _, n _P"V P* *%f^ ' KI/73 V*-* i I \»w V/ W >/ I \ mm\mmmmm\»A WE ACCEPT $5.00 tax included DAVID MATHIEU CO* PI COLBY VOUCHERS AUTO BODY Ettabllihod B^»dE»mo«y H TOLL FREE A. Allen St., Watervilki U *¦¦ *-**-'-¦¦¦» ¦" ¦** Deliveries to Colby campus only. *m±Jm. -mmi m m\m\Mm%.kmttm\ Ht th ' ^^^^^^^ B UjM 1 r^MMflMJ^ MMU H ' ' 92* ' ^ *??¦ ¦ ¦ ' ' ¦ ¦ ' ¦ ¦ ' ¦ ' * t-877-465-2304'* ¦ ¦ ¦ /'' j..-..--.---.--...... ?** . ., . ¦ '! . , •* , ' . --""* ¦¦*--*-—*~— — - 872-551-. 8_¦¦--_.¦¦.. .. * ^^^^^^^^^ B PPD, continued from elsewhere them to research a fully-functional, paign that will be attached to the full sized, multi-tasking vehicle or ongoing "Campaign for Colby." FSMTV for short. "I think we shall have no prob- "Two years and thirty-three lem raising the fifteen million, nec- million dollars later, a fully func- essary for the new FSMTV^s. When tional vehicle has been pro- compared to enhancing financial duced," said Milkman. Utilizing aid, building a new performance art technologies contained within in center, or endowing more profes- the newest Star War's action fig- sorships, these vehicles just kick ures and animitronic technolo- ass," said Roundy Flehm, director gies from the Furby doll, the new of development. PPD vehicles will not only be able to Vice President of Admissions mow, sweep, shovel and carry PPD's Frosty Beverage thought these fat-assed staff around campus; the new FSMTV vehicles would be a new vehicles can also dispense great draw for prospective stu- stamps, recharge venda-cards, and dents. make eight by ten inch copies. The "Let's see Bates and Bowdoin vehicle is able to accomplish all this at develop vehicles like this. F**k SAT theprice ofjustthree million dollarsper averages* endowment size, gradua- vehicle. tion rate. Once U.S. News and World In order fulfill Milkman's wish Reports finds out about our new of five fully functional FSMTV ve- FSMTV vehicles, our rating is going hicles, the Office of Development to skyrocket. Watch out Amherst, willbegin a special fundraising cam- Colby is coming up." ? Suck-Ohhh photo by Jenny AuGratin and Banal Moralless New security guard Charles Manson will bring enthusiasm and religious fervor to the hill. Charles Manson escapes, r Security CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING hi ed by Garden Island Laundromat & Dry Cleaners candidate for the job. I asked him from his newest officer, at which BY EZRA DYER what his availability was, and he point he decided to contact Elm Plaza, Waterville 861-8378 10% Dry Cleaning & Hair y Editor kept saying 'Th e night time is the Waterville Police Chief Napoleon $.50/Lb. Wash, Dry & Fold with Colby Student ID Open right time, the night time is the Bonerface . Said Camembert, "His 7AM to 9PM daily Mon. & Fri. Open Till Midnight The law enforcement commu- right time/ Well, we needed an answ er s weren 't really sufficient. nity was rocked last week when extra officer for night patrols, so I asked him what his previous ad- GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! Mexico , the Caribbean infamous mass-murderer Charles that was a bonus right there! Then dress was, and he said 'Lucifer or Central America $199 round trip. Europe $169 one Manson escaped from the. Pelican I took him outside and showed answers to no mortal.' Then I asked Bay State Prison in California. Up him a car parked in a fire lane. him what his driver's license was, way. Other worldwide destinations cheap. Book tickets until last week, Manson was listed 'Kill, KILLL!/ he kept saying. and he said '666, 666.' But what online at www.airtech.com or (212) 219-7000 as "at large" by the FBI, CIA, ATF Well, I get some angry myself really did it was when I was walk- and MAMS (Mothers Against Mur- when peop le disobey parking ing aroun d campus looking for derous Sociopaths). But despite rules, so he got on my good side potential new handicap spaces, Established 1 946 evading a nationwide manhunt for right then. I hired him on the and I saw him pass by a student ¦ six days, Manson was finally spot." car parked in a faculty space with- rtra broug ht to justice by none other Manson actually served in the outticketing it. That's whenI knew ELM CITY PHO TO than Colby Safety and Security. capacity of nighttime security of- I'd made a mistake in hiring Mr. ^/B ^^ JRoDigitait Studio Unbeknownst to students and ficer for two days before Manson." Camembert then called (KM ^E One Hour Photo Security alike, Manson arrived on Camembert began to realize Bonerface, Who radioed brie of the ^ ¦ ^^ ¦ ^ campus Monday morning in a something was amiss. 23 Waterville PD officers already : l Graphics truck delivering fresh sod and "I guess I should've been on on campus. They immediately HHHw Slide Processin g chicken fingers to Roberts Union. guard right from the interview, ID'd Colby's newest Security of- Advanced Photo Systems Scanning a discarded local news- when he showed up wear ing a ficer as none other than escape d @ p aper , Manson immediately fluorescent-orange jumpsuit with murderer Charles Manson. Fortu- email: elmcity quickconnect. c6m 266 Madison Avenue 267 Main Street found a job available with Colby numbers on the back. Also when nately he was arres ted before he Skowhe gan , Maine.04976 Waterville , Maine 04901 Security. Heading upstairs, he he said he was going out for a could do any damage on campus 207-474-8650 207-073-4780 secured an interview for the posi- chicken sandwich, and he came beyond inscribing a giant penta- tion of "junior deputy campus back eating a live chicken. That gram on the football field by rip- security officer." Of the interview, was weird, but I' ve seen worse ping donuts in the Security Jeep. Hea d Of Secur ity and Park ing from our other officers. " This is the second time this Attention Colby Studen ts Tickets Pete Camembert remem- Eventually Camembert de- year that Colby Security has hired bers , "He seemed like the perfect cided to try to get back groun d info a wanted criminal.Q

IGNORANCE, frompage pen to us all?" Rames calmed down after being trea ted with a heavy dosage of Bob's Whether you are a group of 6,5,3, or 2, mints and back issuesof Vanity Fair. The Lake House can accomodate you. ¦ But beyond ignorance lies over- ¦ all stupidity, and when asked what action should be taken to prevent Fully furnished: Dishwasher, woodstove, cable TV, backup, nuclear war between India and Pa- power generator. kistan , 18 percen t suggested a firmer NATO stance and a tough anti- , nuclear policy by the United States. Beautiful porch overlooking the lake dock, swimming float But 48 percent rep lied, "I want a Canoe and paddles provided cookie," and 34 percent idly picked Large kitchen, large living room their noses. Picture windows throughout A common male response to every question , Rames said, was to Call Richard belch loudly and scratch the genital area. Females tended tostare blindly (978) 369-2546 (eves) • (617) 572-8985 (days) and nervousl y play with their hair. Acupuncture and Herbal Therapy "A time tested medical COLBY COLLEGE system that works" [rHHKiHR______i ¦PSMM ^MHJj • Common Colds SPECIAL ^£9|illHB|H | • Bronchiti s ¦BHMHNHIb 11 • Headaches (Migraines) 'l uUluUII ^^ H Save up to $100 nB ^^^ HH ^nHBMAHKSHHKH ¦ I ______fHVHKT*^__P*'^___UHIV_^_n^_^_^_^_^_^_^_H 10% -.^-B^H ^^1-I-BB WK ^n>B| .^BBI^n^H • Irritable Bowel Syndrome etc, ^^^^^^^ ¦lUBayuuy^^^^^ H Deep tissue massage: J ^^^ ¦IBIIHiw mIIiI ^^^ B i • Chronic musculotendan pain and with constriction from trauma or stress.- jfl^^ l^DSDDDD^^ IJ ^B HJ______^fl^BB^BMBIB__BlH™MB service, or body work. ,B5i_liBB__fflBB_BB^HNHHH Phillippe Ouimet, LAc. i W ^^^^^^ l i ISA College Ave. • Waterville, Mc 0490 1 iHHBMH J ^Hffi gQfflniH Come in for a estimate HHn QQfflfflHffig 207 872-0688 ml^m\^mmmTmm\\^mK H eight 's- resident unable to Echo to vmn *t^tefeiy innocuous , offend nobody re c alt m o st o f Fri d ay n igIkt Aputzo to be publicly executed

¦^ BYNAME WTHHELD An Editor

In a suiprise press conference Tuesday, outgoing Suck-OhhhEditor- in-Chief (namewithheld) announced Colby's paperplannedto offendno one during the 1999-2000 scholastic year. "As the school's only weekly media source, the, Such-ohhhhas a responsibility to report news that makes people happy/ she said. '"Bad news doesn't make anybody happy." Thedecision cameafter the condusion of a controversial yearin wrtich the newspaper reported a variety of bad newsinduding arrests, sum- monses, fires, drunken driving and invasidns of privacy. She said the decision was JELhalized because ''in reality; names don't really add much to an article. The 'who' in the five W's has always been superfluous information." As an offshoot of the policy, however,, names will be withheld throughout the paper, indudihgthe sports section. Suck-Ohh photo by Jenny Au Gratin / / Adolph Oliver Bush, the Colby lush... ltfiii^t_iat siidiculous/'' said oneColbystudent(name withheld). 'I wanttoberea>giiizaiwhenl^tata Several sources, including Rus- they did agree that Bush was in- and I want to be Devastator." BY SHATT APUTZO sian exchange student Yubitya deed "totally blitzed Friday." The student was less enthusi- Screwed Editor Cokof f report Bush was off campus Future sober meetings between astic about reporting on the fact shortly before 1 a.m. Saturday morn- the two will be strained, it is be- that he was arrested Monday for « -rrr— Heights resident Adolph Oliver ing. It is believed Bush led a small lieved. It is unclear, however, selling marijuana by titlepound. Bad news doesn't Bush reported Saturday he could but lively crowd in a stirring rendi- whether thecouple will use the "Hey "It would be justlike the Suck- make anybody happy . "hardly remember a damn thing tion of Bruce Springstein's "Glory - Whaf s up?" approach upon pass- ohhh to go and print somel_ning -~Editor im Chief from last night." Days." ing, or whether they will act as if it like that," he said, "Its so sensa- Bush, who is believed to have "No man, that was that kid from never happened. tionalist. I'm tired of the yellow attended an "around the world" Woodman who did that," said a Regardless, the lack of concrete press." party in Woodman in the early Dana resident opposing Jones' tes- evidence surrounding Bushs' Outgoing Managing Editor (name withheld)supported the paper's evening, said he remembered eat- timony during brunch at 2:30 p.m. whereabouts has made him suspi- dedsion. . ing dinner at Dana, adding that "the Saturday. "How would you know cious of whether or not he engaged "There's no place in a reputable)ouma! for such things as crime pizza was so good too." anyway? You were too busy hook- in any activites with his ex-girl- imports, aarests, orcpntroversialopinions/'sheiaid. "Howcanaayone From there, however, Bushs' rec- ing up with that girl Julie from friend, who he thinks might have respect a ;paper that prints bad news?" ollection is hazy. He says he's al- Sturtevant." called or e-mailed Friday evening. At the heart of the problem, many agree, iis current NewsEditor most positive he visited die quad in While the two men could not "God, I hope I didn't hook up Shatt Apiitzo '00.As asignof,good failh, die S«dt^li/irl»Echtox-m \\-. - i 7, . - confirm or deny the visit. resides in Sturtevant or Leonard, something to try and find out."Q * tiyingtopiwtlhfi 'Iwasfus^ truth^'' saidApufccobefbtebetog:beat down by a mob of angry students. ' - - *.. ' * ¦ ¦ *ll$l!?l$3^HHi______,, ,, i;.il«i*iJti ;t!. * _ i5!.i* * .». ». ?«»»« ? . * . ' ¦*£»-» '" ¦ « " »•!• "~-in.-tTt!THn???T?! i!?!?iTT ^^ ™ ™!"'i" $ exactl * :i i , * • •• • "» . 4 , , , . . * "If y that kind oi thinkinglhat permeatesthe wholenews- llllli_i§l______> :.;rf:.:; ____ ir:-_ __::::__ H ias*;:":i*:*_f._* .t :: *_•:::*¦:""::¦«"_ ; s* * ::*:::;: :>h:^:fc:i*il.rf.|i*: i*;"*.?!«««::«-" *':.:».5 iHH!^ ; - :; J i i H:&?--: :: r. *._i. :v .j S: _^:»f !.!|iiJK:«fT'AIJr- WwitKI JXl-.w -f ts::::::::: • paper," said a Colby woman(name withheld)."We 'vegotto weed out illfPilIiPia______M_____BllCHSK^^ ^ ¦' , •¦- - .mv:- :::::::: ;:: that mentality. If that lp£ll ______HHIB ir ______- ; ______"¦^ ') )i :<< means Aputzo dies, $*o^ be it." - m-U^ mm While Colby President (name withheld) could not officiall I.mLlimmW y con- INIShFS^ '' FBI it^T rt jiff li^n done the execution, he said he would be "busy" Saturday, and hoped , ¦ $^_ _ ¦> » ¦• E.S**.sra?S _WsB___P"0% ___l __.__. .11 . ' ..tt.iS S13. S! »! . "> . ».J IJ .-v » J .» - - • . .It,. *-, .*•*•-«•*•»»£•!•*>•-• •*- ••>> .>' * ' thestudentbodywouldactresponsiblyinhisabsence.Aputzoprinted {; , ,, » r - ¦ ¦** -¦ _i ¦_____¦_! ¦_¦___¦ M _h__ii._L_La _ ;:«r.. *» J J ^mJ _.4_l !:tj • * . aM______l______M^^^^^^ ^^ --- ¦-¦-- ¦ ^_------.------fc--;-v. -- * J # . * ¦^^^^^^liOyi*j "Mn"«!!!»; :S- .!-!:;:' :^* " .:• — '- .s!J..J.*.:«: ':-::::H"if?. !?!K«Kt '• '*. the president's salary earlier tliis semester* . Director of Security (namewithheld) said tie knew nothing of the scheduled execution, but that security offiders had an important meeting to attend to Saturday and would nc»tbe able to patrol the campus. He added that bucketsof soapy water would be left outonthe steps Friday evening,i n case "any blood, or, whh, other thingsget on [" $iw"T" " | the steps," Before Spring Break, Aputzo revealed that officers released $599 a visibl y intoxicated woman after they caught her driving hear car around campus. The $Mck-ohhhf$policy changes were not without opposition/ how- j MEDIUM 2-TOPPINGPIZZA & 2 j LARGE CHEESE PIZZA ever. , ' < ' ' * - . ' > ' ¦ *' J "What about the paper's responsibility to the community?" said a I 12 oz. CANS OF COCA-COLA j DELIVERED I freshman sociology major (name withheld)Tuesday. "Shouldn't the I CLASSIC®, DIET COKE® OR SPRITE® | Suck'Ohhhprint the truth even if itmakes some people upset? Isn't that extra toppings $1.00 MORE ' why we have a newspaper in the first place?" DEEP DISH $1.00 MORE DEEP DISH $1.00 MORE The student, speaking from the health center, where Ke was treated j [ [ Wednesday for multiple blows to the head.and kicks to the ribs, ______' AmmL declined to comment further. «l«Not valid1«. wilh ony other coupon ! ____fljfek_ Not valid with any other coupon "This is a great day for students everywhere," said the Editor-in- I JwSahk. or Cuitom«r pays all | J NHBlO r or special. Customor pays all I Nw§Cr *P*ciol. ¦ Chief at the close of her conference. "Let it never be said that the Suck- | | 7 •*•«" ¦ ¦ ^^ H 1 ^W mt ohhh will infringe on a person's right to conceal his acHons.arid&hield himself from any social repercussibris/'Q >; / . 7

' r~'- -"--'¦•¦ '¦ ¦ j $799 ] $A99 j ^Hey p arents/ 'Birthday CaJ ^ I MEDIUM 1-TOPPING PIZZA, I ._ 22 y^^^ fjg iSpecial ¦ ¦ rwPP<.P PI77A I Can $acf cg£ts BREAOSTICKS & 2 12 oz. CANS [ ^ . ^ " "J * ! J ^ML^J i^^f & 10 WINGS ¦ ^ I OF COCA-COLA CLASSIC®, I ^^^ ^ ^ J Occasions I DIET COKE* OR SPRITE® ¦ DEEP DISH $1 M M0RE I ¦ ¦ ¦ _ DISH DISH $1.00 MORE Not _ny I _ __ ; wilb o)h«r "Wc deliverto camp us! I ' J . ' * I ^^MkJm. valid "I*¦ IJmWM^. Noi valid wllhonyothir coupon | ,0CT coupon Castries, Bagels,smduHcte,jell er ipwbl.to_. CuXomar payKill Z auwm i Maini.2O7872 3711 ¦ . mmmmmmmmmmmmmmMmmmmmmmtmmmmmmmmm^mmmmmm^ . Inco mbeteM Suck-Ohhh s racist by students, faculty, and BY BANAL MORALLESS Independent Governrnor Angus Do As I Say Editor King in the span of two weeks, apologizes for the mix-up. It was brought to the atten- "I swear to you I had that letter tion of the Suck-ohh staff this in my hand," said Formerly Known morning that a letter from a dis- As Dyer, attempting to retrace his tinguished member of the Colby steps. "I set it down for a minute faculty was inadvertently left out when I called to renew my Viagra of a recent issue. Suck-onhh Laid prescription, and when I turned Out Bitch Careth Ofnoone said he around... the pile must have ab- thinks he remembers seeing that sorbed it. Hey, has anyone seen my letter somewhere, and that it's insulin?" "probably under that pile of stuff This incident is not the firsi in on the table." which an important letter has The table pile to which been lost to the pile, affection- Ofnoone refers is a three-foot ac- ately referred to as the Bob's Tri- cumulation of Bob's trays, news- angle. At times in the past, The papers, porn mags, maple syrup, Suck-ohh has had information as and assorted term papers that to who shot J.R., secret govern- were never turned in. Ofnoone ment documents detailing the said "I was going to clean that up CIA's involvement in crack sales, soon— Putzo, you're not doing and several dresses owned and anything, could you take care of worn by J. Edgar Hoover. In each that mess?" case, the crucial materials were Shatt Putzo was unavailable lost and forgotten about before for comment. the paper The mess on went to press. the table, which Some fac- is home to a fam- ulty members ily of raccoons We just don't know refused to ac- and a snake what the hell we're cept the Suck- called Fluffy, has ohh ' s care- been growing doing. fully-worded _ Courtesy of our resident troll steadily since its - Some Guy and slowly- The Colby Table conception 22 spoken expla- years ago, the nation of edi- know whatthe hell we're doing." undernourished and weak, that blocks her brain waves last time the torial incom- Mulande also believes that making me more susceptible to from escaping. Suck-ohh editors cared about the petence and the prevalent mess the Director of Dining Services mind control and the common "Hey, whatever," said Ofnoone, condition of the windowless in the office. Candi Mulande, has conspired with a mind-read- cold. But I've fooled them all: I displaying his characteristic lack of room in which they work. "It's professor of physical education, ing alien entity to keep her from break into the dining halls ev- enthusiasm for anything that isn't just easier to ignore it," said Edi- demanded accountability from eating breakfast in the dining ery night and suck on the spouts shown in syndication on UPN. "She tor in Chief Renee Largebreasts. the Suck-ohh editors for their in- halls. - 'Bob's doesn't openluntil ¦ ¦ of all the soda dispensers, get- can think what she wants... if she "I mean, I've got other things to sensitivity. . •.•• •_ . ¦. '«¦: . .; :: 7:30; a.m., and il» have to bei out ting 'the* carbonation "I need to 'wants tocome down here arid help ¦ ?; work, on* right rtCiw." -r '- .-7 ' "' . - - <; •': VNo,that's notthecaseat all," the door-at "seven to unlock the stave off alien attack'," she said, clean up this mess, she's moire than Opinions Editor Formally claimed some guy who happened cabinets that hold the basket- wearing a special tin foil hat welcome .? ¦ ¦• ¦ ¦ - ¦ ¦ ¦ ¦ •¦ ¦¦• ¦ " Known As Dyer, the only person to be in the office answering the balls |n the athletic center. This ¦ :• •;¦. • ' . * •:' - * -• ¦ -y %M in Colby history to be labelled a phone at the time. "We just don't is obviously a plot to keep me Specializing in all phases of Hair Care plus... _——BBT l; ''' l '"' ,'' m8MBM ______M______M , j ______H^______&£ > ^ 4 . .___%_ \ ______^______a_____3__ ^^ mmmmmmmmmmmmmWk. ./> '- . \., >, )- \W. ?*______EMffl! ggg • Massage • Make-up Artists •Essential Oil ~ ¦' ¦¦ ______Hif ' .- W" ^m\w^^^^^^^^^^Slmm^^^^^^^^^^^^^\^ ^^\ • • Nflf/ Tech • Electrolysis < Blending Bar • Ped icures • Waxing •Steam Room ^______H______n*3i mm^^UKs^bm^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^KI^^B^mi\y\y -. _H______!______« H * ' & v , ^^BKKSm^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm^mWMMl^> \J k- - "V^ffc•^?" * •-* A\ .' . ' ' __9___^______^_ffid .*" Hfln_l______^______HHl!' *l/ .mfm - - 4Qf __ __ _ • Fac ials - • • Tanning ______H__ >3§& * S ^BHHHBh|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Hk.______[______^^^ ^C __r ^^Ww> '\Vs. l&^/^i^l'.iSfc ^ o ^ • *Bod y Wraps . 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The Office of I-Cannot- Help-With-a-Job is sick of everyone, especially se- niors. According to Cindy Blah jBlah-insky, director of the Office of I-Cannot- Help-Wifh-a-Job, 7'I wish they would just find their own things to do nextyear. No one listens to us any- way/'' In order to accomplish the goal of simply sitting around on one's bottom next year, Blah Blah-insky Courtesy of Alumni & Development offered the following tips: Recent Colby Grad and his newly remodeled home in Winslow. "Please, please do not come in and talk to us. Do those who actually look for jobs," not even try. The hours that we say suggests that women wear loud- she said. we will be there, we won't." colored baggy pantsuits and refuse Finally, Blah Blah-insky said By not 'going to even see the to wash their hair for a few days. "leave extremely rude messages on people in the Of fice of I-Cannot- Also, leave in all body piercing. your answering machine. Farting Help-With-a-Job, every student has Men should wear a tie, preferably noises, pornographic movie sound better odds of no reputable busi- one that does not match their bites and jokes making fun of ness contacting him or her. checked skirt. Ditto on the hair someone's mother are usually the Do not network. "When you washing. most effective/' Have a good time have those Thanksgiving dinners Blah- Blah-insky also wants ev- experimenting with different with extended family, shy away eryone to please ignore all of the noises, she said, and "make sure from all relatives who could offer handouts the Office of I-Cannot- they are on both your internal and you a job," said Blah-Blah-insky. Help-With-a-Job has put together. external messages," Blah-Blah- We just don 't know. She stresses that relatives in the "Basically," she said, "we like to insky said- Kooky, mostly-naked WMHB DJ <_Toe Camaresco is computer and consulting indus- waste paper and see how many stu- Blah Blah-insky strongly urges looking for you to listen to WMHB , Colby*s floundering tries are especially to be avoided pid seniors we can trick info coming students not to come to drop in radio station. In a recent broadcast , he slipped down since those are such high growth to us for help." Blah Blah-insky said hours, information sessions, and naked to his tighty stars & stripes and begged local trades. that she and the staff like to put most of all, do not read the e-mails Waterville listeners, "If you just tune in, Til give all of According to Blah Blah-insky, random facts into the handouts that the office sends out every week. you out there apiece of this, baby!" the best advice she has is "be rude. would make no company hire a "If s boring and stupid, butlneed to I mean really, really rude." She Colby student. "We like to punish do something to get paid," she said.G

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'^y,^ ¦^|^^^^^^ ^' ¦ ¦ ; lP^^ ^ 1 ¦ ¦ ¦ :/ ;v 'l v ¦ ' ' ' • '' '' .^pUfl ' . * * ' ' A- ' * : - ' ^^¦'ir :i/^fl-- '^ ,|f ^^^^^^^^^^ Hfek | ^ ^ '| ^ I » I I 1 f I M ff A W f y^^fgg ^^mmm ^mmm ^gmmmmm ^g ^mmmm ^ +~M-^m\m\mmmmmmmmW H HB ' ^^^ ^ ^ 'J ^HvHI |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^_-HV H|Bi_l_^ ^ ^ ^ Colby's newest security officer cries for peace spreading the word of peace. BY D. CLA WED Colby is ripe for this sort of mes- GERBILER sage." Beat Yer Editor Dove recently gave an impas- sioned speech in which he said, Colby's newest peace officer "we need to severely curtail the has arrived on campuis. Jeff Dove sale of guns in this country . The is dedicated to non-violent secu- framers of the Constitution of rity on campus, eschewing all this great country never in- guns and other sorts of brutality. tended for the average woman He firmly believes in big govern- or man to have firearms." Dove ment and wishes that the mili- promptly cried after this com- tary was reduced in size. Dove ment. Barely able to hold back said that "guns kill people and tears during this interview, Dove people who own guns are the explained his opposition to spawn of the devil." hunting rifles as well- Born in the middle of Maine, "How people can shoot Dove has given up his small-town Bambi and all of the other crea- mentality to wave the banner of tures of the forest is beyond me," freedom around Colby's campus. he said. According to Dove, "Some- The Colby student body is ex- times backwoods Maine people cited to welcome the humanitar- are not open to new ideas. Guns ian, nice guy. He should pro- and death are all they think vide a welcome counterpart to Ug liness captured by some photographer about. Me? I am dedicated to Colby's crack security team. Jeff Dove: a nice guy.

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BHBBHBBilBBBBBWiliBlil^^ "Time to see what you won." —Banal Moralless I W^ Introducing the edge you.need for college. To pay for all the essentials tr aditional financial aid won't cover, get the AcademicF_dge*m Loan. Low interest rates. Easy to apply. Make no payments in school. Flexible repayment alter you gradu ate,

AcademicEdge- M TOTAL EMCAWM OAN *" Gall toll-fre * 1-877-310-3456 for ino ra inlormitlon. httpr McademicEd fl e.ChelaFinancial.com ¦ "I' m not wearing any pants. " I 01999 Cheb Financial —J ulia Grea se-Me-Upl I If 1 could tell the world just One thing It would be that we're all OK ,. And not to worry ' cause worry is wasteful And useless in times like these Congratulations from The Man I won't be made useless Echo Editors: the establishment, and I salute you. work, please find a check enclosed 1 won't be idle with despair Congratulations on a job well Next year, I'd like you to con- for $50,000. In addition, I've lined I will gather myself around my faith done! Over the past year you've tinue your fine work for the cause. I up high-paying, low-stress jobs for For light does the darkness most fear . managed to almost completely sup- antidpate thattherewillbe a few token all Echo staffers upon graduation. press news of minority activities! on protestsnextyear,butifyoudon'twiite You've shown me that you know My hands axe small, I know . campus, cover up several embarrass- aboutthem no one will care. I approve how to play ball, and The System But they're iiot yours , they are my own ing scandals involving high ranking of your discounted ad rates for people takes care of its own. B«tt they' re not yours , they are my own administrators, and protect thebusi- in the upper tax bracket, and I'd like And I am never broken ness interests of our shareholders. to see that trend continue. Onward and upward! You've done a great job to strengthen In appreciation for your fine Sincerely, The Man Poverty stole your golden shoes Bui it didn 't steal your laughter And heartache came to visit me Ezra is disowned by White People But I knew it wasn't ever after To whom it may concern, We have had several AAWP his ineptitude would be comic We are writing in regard to spies following Mr. Dyer for sev- were it not reinforcing negative We'll fight, not out of spite Ezra Dyer. We here at the Ameri- eral weeks, and they have ob- conceptualizations of white For someone must stand up tor what' s rigfct can Association of White People served behavior disgraceful not people as a race. 'Cause where there 's a man who has no voice would like to point out that Mr. only to white people, but indeed Mr. Dyer can suck a fart out of There ours shall go singing Dyer in no way represents white human beings in general. We are all of our asses. people as a race in either his particularly upset, however, that My hands are small I know words or his actions. In fact, we Dyer perpetuates negative racial Sincerely, But they're not yours , they are my own would like to take this opportu- stereotypes of white people. We Willifred Holmwood But they' re not yours , they are my own nity to publicly revoke Mr. Dyer's have seen him dance and play Stockford-White, IV And I am never broken AAWP membership. basketball, and in both respects Chairman. AAWP In the end only kindness matters In the end only kindness matte rs

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray I will get down on my knees, and I will pray I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know But they're not yours, they are my own I never meant to hurt you, baby But they're not yovrs, they are my own And I am never broken called a butt-lick, anyone who had Larry the simple-minded beet BY CARETH OFNOONE their seven year old son hit them in farmer, the entire food pyramid, My hands are small I know Laid Out Bitch the nuts with a baseball in order to anyone using the phrase "What But they're not yours, they are my own send to the video to "America's can*I do you foi*?,'' , the second But they're not yours , they are my own As I am currently on step six of Puniest Home Videos" or "America's to last of the Mohegans, the And t am never broken my Richard Simmon's Alcoholic Funniest People," the Olsen Twins, wombat who tells me fo steal, the We are never broken Overeaters Anonymous Program, I Michael Jackson's Monkey Bobo, Tia small elves who make my shoes, would like to take this opportunity and Tamara, the orangutan that I anyone going to Kalamazoo-U, We are God' s eyes to apologize to everyone I have of- the creator of meat on a stick, God' s hands fended or made derogatory com- anyone who's tried the pickup God' s mind ments regarding. The following list line "is there a mirror in your We are God's eyes is in no particular order. just because I love pocket, because I can definitely God' s hands Kangaroo handlers, color- aardvarks , why do I see myself in your pants," the God' s heart blind midgets, three legged goats, owner of that Porsche 911 (hon- We are God' s eyes Monica Lewinsky, anyone who have to pay the estly there was a blind spot!), God' s hands picks their .nose, the cast of Two price? anyone with less than 5 teeth, the God' s eyes Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place, Sally phantom pigmy who lives in my We are God' s hands Struthers, flightless emus, the WB toilet, anyone who watched the We are God's hands Network, any of tlie Wayan Broth- Chevy Chase show, people who ers, the creators of the movies, "Un- eloped to Vegas with (I'll love you add paint shavings to the der a Hula Moon" and "Cousin always), that guy I accidentally ran scrambled eggs for texture, any- Bette," anorexic Somalians, people over with my moped, the Alaskan one who's seen the movie "The with blue eyes, people who wear fish queen, the makers of the movie Ad ven tures of Ba ron V on suck-ohh @suck.this pirate hats, anyone who has owned "The Avengers" (nah, they de- Muchosen" more than once, that served it), Mayor McCheese and guy I sold the Paco Picasso painting i a hamster, people named Dick, Babylon 5 fans, the drinkers of all the little Fry Guys, anyone who to, Tito, anyone waiting for the Styx Moxie, those involved in sewage dis- wears spandex, tapdancing ferets, reunion, anyone who owns an All Th e Colby Suck-ohhhh posal mishaps, car-manufacturing anyone answering the telephone 4-Ever tee-shirt. " , Kiss fans, the cre- f ounded in 1877 robots, Ickabod Crane, Wilson yello," Charo I apologize for any harm I might Philips, sad clowns, anyone I ever ators of crystal Pepsi, Vani lla Ice, have caused.Q RENEE LARGEBREASTS, Bitch AMY MOUNT-MY-MANGO, The other Bitch SHATT APUTZO, Screwed Editor BANAL MORALLESS, Do as 1 Say Editor SVCKY COLIARD GREENS, NASCAR Editor CARETH OFNOONE, lm/ ed Out Bitch EDITOR fORMERLY KNOWN ASDYER,SA7V/-»»mrfci Editor JULIA GREASE-ME-UF, Asst. Layed Out Editor D. CLAWED GERI3ILER, Bent Yer Editor BEST DROID, Asst. Caos Editor ALLOFHER JIZZWAD, S & M Editor CHESTY HECKLER, Asst. Shorts Editor TROLL KARVEY, Your Friendly Neighbor . KOKO, Hopped Up On Crack Rock Editor ¦ ¦ ¦ ¦:¦>; : ; : ¦:¦ ¦ '!¦ ;¦ ¦; JENNY AU GRATIN, Money Shot Editor KIM YUCK-TOR, Cheap Date Asst. itiM- ' 'V.\' . ' '*^' ' '" '' . 'H W^w^ ''to W _ ?. #¦' • . *;> £'• _ . -Vl^ *¦!¦:* . :¦ ' ' :' : '' , :':. . . ' * £' ' ' .*!* . '' ' '¦:' , ¦;* .' . JENNIE COMPACT DISC, Money Shot Editor ORGYORL, Pollu ting Ihc Worldwilh Tills Crap ^^ I^^ ^^^^ S^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^ ^^^^^^ H i ^^^l Hi THE COLBY SUCK-OHH is a stank rngpublished by a but .cl\ of opium-eating ^^^ compulsive masterbators each week tbe collge is ir session. 4. **Note ** If anyon e ha* seen my blowup doll, call me direct. She's lost without me. THE SUCK-OHH fully encourages letters from its readers. If possible, please 5. Please includ e long lists of names, preferabl y more than 50. We've got space to burn. submitt letters on tlie hide of gecko, Letters should not exceed 42 adverbs per paragraph and should pertain to sex, Letters criticizig the SUCK-OHH or any of its editors shall be laughed at and burned. If you consider yourself at all cute, please Include a picture and phone number with your letter. . THE SUCK-OHH reserves the right to trap beavers. The Editorials, above, arc the official opinion of Heywood McGillicudd y, a hermit living in the Roberts Union ventilation system. Opinions expressed in lllW individual columns are tlie bottle, talkin', baby. SIl lll d*__ -/i3\ THE SUCK-OHH will make every effort possible to prevent inaccuracy, but unlike infalliable deities, we sometimes EI__CK_UE. DEAL WITH IT! iiiiliii ' r- i^xi£«i)i^^ w_- 1 ^.t " " 1 '' ^^^ H k' Mt " ' Lx^* '^Hv+' j ''' 'H' '' For information on dates with any of our editors, dial l-800-4SALAMr. tf mm\iMM -iV^Hi^H ^H ^ | ^B Mm ______^^__l^______J______I___' *^______"'Mm i 'l^^^H^^^^M^^W' ^I ^K . (v ^Hji 'i vH _____P^* ^__-----; ¦ ^H ^^^ . ^ ^* ' ; ! For questions about advertising and toenail fungus prevention, please call . ^)i!OT>i ^ ^'" ' v ' . [{! i ext, 3349. ¦ | ii , -., i < • *<- , t ( jwHi,f*}tfi^*W.*vKfiwi $> K*«f w •w«V™ > Ns*v.ii' > 'Aj •%»:/!<*¦' • *,< _ i , Th ey should pave over the pond V They should pave over the pond so I can ri p donu ts in my Mustang v so I can ri p donuts in my Camaro Ayuh, I think we can all agree we should pave over the pond so we can rip donuts on / Now my colleague Putzo and Iboth agree on the fact that the pond needs to be paved it in our bitchin' rides, but I'll be god damned if some punk's gonna bring his pansy-ass / over so we can rip donuts on it. But this crap about Ford beingbetter than Chevy just gets Chevy out there. .f me right boiled whenever I get going on it. Now, my baby came stock with a 90-h.orsepower split-port V6, but I dropped in a X First of all, the biggest motor you can get in a Mustang is a 4.6. My Camaro Z-28 Super souped up 4.6 eight ball that'll make that hick cream his jeans. I'm talking muscle car / \Sport packs an LSI 5.7. Last I knew, 5.7 was bigger than 4.6, and no matter what Putzo's woman here, pure muscle car. If little Ms. Dyer wants to ride around in his tin foil mobile, / tells him, size DOES matter. He's got the stock 260 horsepower single-cam mill, but even of he that's fine with me, but he ain't bringing it in my house. Once we pave over the \ had the 320 horsepower 32-valver he'd still be looking at my tailpipes in the quarter-mile. pond, that's gonna be Mustang territory. \ That's 'cause while he's revving the pee out of that dinky lump of his (I'm still talking about Ok, so I'll give you that the '80s were tough for Mustang. I don't know whether the \ his motor, mind you),I' ve got 345 lb / ft of torque from just off tickover launching me down designers were taking hits from some of Vermonts finest, but that decade is more or less V the strip. Granted his little 4.6gets better gas mileage thanmy hairy temple of horsepower, a wash. But let me tell you, the new Mustangs are everything you could want from a car. X but then again so does a Geo Metro—and I don't want to drive one of those, either. They're fast, and I'm talking more acceleration power than Dyer sees from the women he's \ So if s pretty clear I've got him beat under the hood, but the pond could be used as hitting on at parties. By the time the Camaro hits 60, Dyer's gonna have time to wait for / a skidpad, too. Well, with 2751'40 /'17 shoes under my ride, I'm gonna be pulling close his potato crop to grow and ponder his meaningless hick existence. / to .90 gbefore I go sailing off into the puckerbrush. The Mustang can get close to that, with ' I'd be Let's see that hillbilly bring it to my single-overhead-cam V8. Is he gonna step to my J a decent driver like Jeff Gordon behind the wheel. With Pansy Putzo driving surprised if he made the tires squeal before getting scared and going back to cruising past the 260 horses at 5,000 rpm? I don't think so. / There's a reason Ricky Craven switched over from team Chevy to team Ford this / middle-school looking for women. year. That reason is reliability. Like a rock my ass. The only thing that's like a rock \ If we want to talk about looks Putzo might as well leave that misbegottenoffsp ring of a toad and about Chevys is the fact that they're big and bulky and you gotta push em to get em \ a warthogin the garage. Whenever I see aMustangparked next to a Camaro I'm remindedof when going. \ Lyle Lovett was married to Julia Roberts. The Mustang is ugly enough without having to be The point is, it'll be a cold day in Machias when I let some sonofabitch peel rubber C compared to a curvaceousthing of beauty like theZ-28. Remember that the Mustang is brought on my turf. If that fool wants to bring his Camaro down and watch me leave tracks all \ to us by the same company that made the Pinto, which may have been the all-time around the pond, then he can call a wrecker and have it bring his piece of crap down. \ pinnacle of automotive Ugly. If ugly were trees the Mustang would be a giant red wood. I mean, tell me if.i'm wrong here. The Mustang's got straighter intake ports, a reshaped / The Mustang's so ugly, if you drove it to the beach cats would try tocover it with sand. combustion chamber and larger valves that are gonna jack up airflow when I'm kickin / The worst thing about Mustangs is that they're more expensive than Camaros. Hey, at over 2,000 rpm. Yeah, the Camaro can bring some balls to the table, but what good .f can I pay more for less? These days Mustangs cost almost as much as them hatchback is an engine that burns more oil than a retreating Iraqi army when you can't handle / BMW's, and that's too much. Traditionally Mustangs are driven by hair stylists, but with the speed without dropping out your weak-as-all-hell transmission. / how expensive they are now only friggin yuppies can afford them. So I guess I'm not really Besides, who are you gonna trust, me or some inbred freak of nature potato / surprised Putzo likes them so much, what with hisbeing from Cumberland and all. Everyone farmer? Ford is as American as you can get, and I'm willing to say anyone whose \ knows Cumberland (and really,anything south of Augusta) might as welljust be part of New against Ford is un-American. Now I'm not saying Dyer's a Communist, but the boy \ Hampshire/And New Hampshire may as well be part of Massachusetts. And what's in wears a lot of red. ^k Massachusetts? Yuppies, that's what. The bottom line here is that there's no place for the Heartbeat of America out there \ To sum up, I am reminded of the words English journalist Jeremy Clarkson used to once we fill in the pond with thousands of pounds of concrete and prep it for a hotrod \ describe the Mustang (well, actually the Dodge Caravan, but they apply to the strip. No place at all. I'm as sure of this as I'm sure that ladies are turned on by my window V Mustang too): "I would make quicker and more dignified progress on a pogo stick." decal of Calvin urinating on Earnhardt's #3. ; • . :; ¦-X- On that note, I'll see you on the pond, Putzo. Matt Aputzo isfrom southern Maine,which is basically New Hampshire , thereby The Editor Formerly Known as Dyer is fromJefferson , Maine, where they making him more or less a yuppie scum from Massachusetts. grow potat oes, drive tractors , and live closely witlx their siblings.

I "Is it an eeevil penis?" I "Haven't I seen that before?" "I I —Matt Aputzo I ^H ^fl have a bigger one, H "I wish I had my telescopic W$m —ICimYuck-tor " ¦ ^H ^B —Sucky Collard Greens ¦ * lens." Hfe —Jenny Au Gratin ^B| 1 v - i ' ; 1 w v ! i "" „i i_"" *i^ *>^'*sv *^ *S* ™ < ft <'fe '! ?«? ? ^'*> * ,*st . V/*S*'Vt.^-j. !>**, ' -^S s-i~*>J5 f^-f*' '''f ^ > i ' , ^fiA'vA' j

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' ^ ^^^ i ^^^^^^^^^^^^ v^mMmmmmmm ^^^ ^^mW^SMmmmWmmW May 4, 1 999 Next to the Air Force ?ase, ME I took some fat bong rips on the third floor of Johnson Bowdoin- Last wee%Bowdoiiti students realized right after I got back from this class that freaked me out. that although their schoM is ranked ahead of Colby- Class sucks. year after year, they f||ll SUCK! Yeah, Bowdoin • FUCKIM' SVCKSt Who^ol V - . May 3, 1 999 " Shit-hole , ME ' /\, - , Dude, I got so stoned and went to Dana and ate a lot. - -< Bates- Although m^^^Colby.students ,have tela-- *; Pizza is really good. Dude, why can't Dana deliver to tives at that dump ii^l^mton, a new -study by the Colby Anthropology department shows that most oi my room for free instead of having to order WHOP so ¦ much. Doesn't Dana Dude know that we smokers have them me the &q$

% ¦—— ¦—— ¦———— ¦—-______—__ — Next to Cumb Waterville "Not cracky but it goes down ¦ May 2, 1999 ys, the smooth." I _ , ' High Street %«yo% .,cov^ucf^&|iy respected - j —Banal Moralless I I got this fat sack and smoked it with, some friends. t^winsky fotpdation'ifi^iiiii^^^^ large majority We burned the entire bag before we had to flip our of the freshman girls who Irequ^|t wijeekly parties at Phish tape over. Dude, that might be a record. We High Street fee Wat their lip sts Sioct close to me not should call those dudes at that Guinness Records show ecause it was .o^ercrowdpfsa uMf Hsrtchenv ^ bttt be- on Fox. Maybe we can be on after that trippy tatooed cause they were rubbing &ek-pj ||ses oil my leather % K s dude and thejdude who puts that big, hairy spider thing pants.^ ' . '- ' ' - * " , s , ''^- wt* ^ **;-. - , * - in his mouth and does shit. * * 1 ? " " . & 5 L-IIXie . 1 INI *^f'^ «^*<^ *^^' r ^ r*rs«^% ^ May 1 , 1 999 NittdtviU^iito*Dieft|||g^ , -at NA^tC'barched ^^ffil^iie d fh«|^^Meiit's , • The tripplest day this week. I got to Dana for dinner offte% ^emandi^^A^-^ei^ve ^hai**gpSro the \m after a 4:20 session and that weird chick who swipes the NADC cnrriculum^^rigtt|^ #iirses fitted theiif cards bugged me out. She looked at me funny or some- - f omiifids were a turb^fell^^febuHding^eiiiaarjr a . thing and I lost my shit and ran out of Dana and straight lab on ball-bearings, and Something on Shakespeare." back to Woodman to burn some more to ease my pain. , Said militant student spokesman Bobby Joe Billy .Bay. * Jack"D aniels, "Many students here cife}SkW§^v!k¥>^ --. - 1 ' -& April umm,..umm..heh heh heh...shit! forShake^ eareiTyQtt kriow?' m' , m ^-U "Mmmm.,, vials. K ^ ^ ^ ^^ II Too long ago to remember I —-Formerly known as Ez E| i I can , 'tieniembere, the date! Dude ofbut I remember that 4/20 wa^#esoiit I took a shitload four-footers right after eaffcfgjg; Mat eighth of mushrooms and swallowing two geltj$)fc r ,I Was fucked up but it was 4/20, so I have an - , excuse^Fcton't understand why my professors didn't jpccspt that excuse. ^ *^'>* a. ^^Pknvway, after sparkin' ug^ pltat bowl, I stormewi$tl||? S I hf%F'4 f^erl^llcnocked down a / ^P *^K ^?^ fogg

m&mwj/Mmw§mw£& Bfiiiiiinir * HSSSBi "Crack: it does a body good." ^KgH^^H^^KT/ "I'm cuckoo for crack!" I __^___ ^______K__I__h ______^______Bi-----B------_W--B —Chesty Heckler I

"Drunk

11 I 1.-. --- . —^T" ^ 1T * ^ ^ " -¦' '^ il ^ * *^F— . *! a enough to piynk on Gareth/' ^^^^^RD wjSljl ll iii ^^ "Drunk ^¦^^H^l —Formerly Ez and Putzo Y^pffiESS. "Drunk enough not to want to pfevf 5HJ^^ enoughto hug Putzo/' H$y^^ ______HH ^^^ TiVU. drink this 1 ' ¦¦ o! beer," , —Kim Yuck-tor ^^^^ K ^^^ M ^^^ mmmmW ^m ^^^^^ K ^^i^^mMl^mWmmmm9mmMmmmmmM m ^am " mm¦€> ' 1^Pt W^TwT! ' ' PP^ _ i*#l^' t>t -_^^-^ n^<4-L_ jfl.- I^Pv^^b*Y_-KliL _yr Si <' ' 'I r*>i* nii i • 'n J__»" _-_____ .______BWWW__M.____BylM^llr._CT^ -—Careth and Moralless ^ ¦ M l l i ! H___^______l______i9______H___i_HlH__M_^ _[j ! 'JrV :' Cyy 5fjvft T i T [ pJl '' ?TTlP T TP !*_r 9^ > jni"' *| ^ §

^______^_^_j M______flB._^___o BmmS _&^ I^^ 1 1 7 ____rW*'^^ ^fc___*^^ _''Jl%____r i ^^ i______l^______i''?_PTj'\i*ts>V^^ t$Os^^ ^^^^ E_ffl__l__I_!BIMl m 1mt^lm^im^Si/^ i I ™^' !__C>'*V*^^ - nV 1 ___9__^___n^______n__BR_DHH ^?_f% ^ "Jf * vC:';« .tTti Ti.Tr •'•r' .V'T'ir " ¦" _.,<¦ '^ H»*t _ *?'4»*!! W''^l_rJ.^*...... _rr< t_j*^_t .. _rSk_ -T^ ^ IIFvirj oEm^nr . '*T^_ *'1jT^ f _N^_r^k»*fN_r ^_"^ __ **?Sr9^ l _ ''.'l7%_ir.i. *^ Welching some I knew he must have triggered the real deal. I had to catch the fadal expression on this guy,so 9111J lake a dump Igotoutmypocketmirror,whichsitsontheend out of 5 of a -telescoping rod, and I hurried into the next @ ***^ stall. Pretending to drop the kids off at the pool, ¦ ¦ Starring this weird chemfree guy I held the minor over the stall divider. Lord have mercy, but did I hit the poop jackpot I decided to forego the usual weekly on this guy or what? His face was in strain- ¦ ¦ film excursion to Railroad Square this ing agony, ht ecstasy, ¦ ¦ but mixed with a slig week, and instead I parked my ass in and there were beads of sweat on his brow. J front of the "Doodoo Stall" (the one The C-SNAP newsletter that he had brought ¦ ¦ reserved for sitting only, with hardly in for reading material now dangled limply ¦ ¦ any pee on the seat) in East Quad to in one hand. u watch this almost albino guy take a nasty Then I heard it. Sploosh! Splash!! Plink!! A ¦ ¦ dump. dean execution. Littleto no wiping ¦ ¦ beautifully Thef-jstthinglnoticedwasthatthisguy necessary, if I had to venture a guess. I didn't a had some serious gas build-up. He was stick around to look. I'mno weirdooranything. ¦ ¦ pootin' up a frickin' storm in there! It re- I would have rated this foul log-jam a bit ¦ ¦ minded me of the time I was constipated in higher, but for the inexcusable lack of au- u the Dallas International Airport on a lay- dible grunting that I know I could hear in ¦ ¦ over from Phoenix, and this guy next to me the field house after a big game. I was also ¦ ¦ shot out a few gas bombs while I attempted shocked to find those brown buddies float- m to remain as quiet as a mouse. Anyway,he ing around a few hours later when I went ¦ ¦ wasprettypleasedwithhisreverbupinthat ¦ ¦ back to check. And that's half a point off piece, I guess, because I heard him chuck- right there. B lingtohimselfunderhisbreath. May be if he ¦ ¦ had known I was outside faking notes, he ¦ ¦ French T. Ickler does not workfor the Sucko.We would have tried to turn that anti-aircraft have no idea how he managed to weasel his way into ¦ . Echo ph oto by resident Colby peeper,you know who you are, we do not need to run your name. m fire into some Stealthy But Healthies. our f ine publication with this disgusting piece of ¦ ¦ Then it was quiet for a few moments, so chocolate frothy butt lather. Do you really need a caption here , folks? Tm on my own time now. The m Suck-ohh doesn'f own me.I just wanna poop! ¦

"I work for the Echo." —The mmm^L-M ^^^H "My finger is too big." —JennyAu Gratin Asshole ^^H ^^^^ | ^^^H Formerly Known as Ezra ^^H

¦ : *^^^. MIWI|l *'*:*:*re.a -. . . .._" *.:ffl*:-: .-K:::- _v_^ ^H "I'm beginning to find you ^—M surpr isingl y attractive." I "Wh d e looking my ass?" I ^—M —B _____ H y o you k ep at ^H anal Moralless I —Renee Largebreasts I ^Hj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Laundromat Congratulations Danielle— MmMmMmMmMmMmMmmm Highlander ] TOreAS * SPECI ALS Laundr y , J oka J oe and everybody at & Drycleaning V/ ^ um%iMm%MMmMMmMMMMmmMmmMmMMMMMMMMM ^ J okas ' hopes everybody has a Self Sctvlcc & Full Service Wash, Dry &. Fold Largettt Laundromat in Town great and safe summer. And to

Lowwst Prlc«t L. v : ja s ^;„.v graduating seniors , have a Best wishes to the Colby Class of 99 Optr. r 0»y» m— "-¦* . ' "' ~ " Tl the I SiOO am • 8fO0 pm M great rest of your life. Q Hours Reasonable Rales HI 872-6187 -f Q 5:00 AM»2:00 AM Senior Rates E 70 E.m S.., Wflte tl '/J A^. ^ ii ^ lP Sun.-Wed. un til 9 p.m., Thurs . until 1 gQW 6WPENT PIgC0UNY 10 p.m., Fri. & Sat. until midnig ht E en We now have the largest selection of domestic and B ELM CITY CAB j import beers in Central Maine R Local & Long distance B fl Tired of Waiting ~ *Calt Us" B this space left blank on purpose 873-6228 ______UiftiA m^±. ______!____. ^Hl J OKAS' DISCOLOT BEVERAGES g 872-9400 872-0101 fi 52 Fr ont St., Waterville, Mi |«HM a^- NM__MWMHM_MRM _)M__MM_H-^ Buster Hymen and the Penetration to play Loudness Christ! Even th According to Hole, this may well be the BY ALL OF HER JIZWAD final Hymen concert ever. S&M Editor "He is just so nasty, so offensive, so, so , AWESOME, that all these prudes in America A&E Editor Is Speed metal icon Buster Hymen is scheduled can't take the heat. But Mainers are different, to play in Page Commons on the Last Day of you know? Made of stronger stuff. And they Loudness, with his backup seem to be more forgiving of Incompetent! minions "the Penetration." Buster, even when He sprays According to outgoing So- semen and diarrhea on his cial Chair MessyHole '99, "this fans." I, Allofher J izzwad, is the first time for Colby to Hopefull y I can get The Penetration will take have Buster play for us, I mean. some pointers from jhe stage at 3 AM, probably apologize to the honorable You could say he is popping the show. naked and oily and ready to the Colby bubble - or cherry!" rock. Not Sosmall, who wrote that Colby President Bill Slaugh- ¦*" -President Slaughter Seniors Alex Jiggly, Raj ter had some choice words be- McKoonkoon, Brian Sinn, and shitty Nas Review two fore the show. Stylin' Badly, all of Hairy Ho "Although my wife objects 253, issued a joint statement weeks ago. I rep eat. It was to the lewd lyrics of Buster's songs, I have to expressing their love for Hymen. admit, I'm positively slapping my own ass in It reads, "While we recognize that The anticipation. Hopefully I can get some poorvtang Penetration is basically a talentless bunch not me. It was Shat. So go after the show with some drunk frosh. of monsters whose music can't hold a candle Wooooohoooo!!" to works of art like Del Tha Funkee give him a shar p chop to the Hymen has been banned from perfor ming Homosapien' s "Mista Dobalina,' we are still , in all other 49 states, plus Puerto Rico and punching holes in the wall in our spastic groin. Guam. excitement."?

Echo Women The K ~^J ifIi_^______mK ^KmMm\\mMW^u ' i i S^M-JlfTtmt ^ ^mW^^ -

(rood luck during exams. Congratulations Seniors! Sec tbe rest of you next fall! —Tbe Joseph's Crew •v > Remember: Always 10% off non-sale items with Colby ID Ready to Serve You v

BY THE EDITOR FOR- , * , " - " _ . «_ d_Stae : MERLY KNOWN AS DYER Skidmarks Editor Billy scored with J enny last WfAlMfdbr ^QWL , Monday night Becky scored wj l^^anny ^J immy Mayhem ensued at the A Sixpackawhupass Golf Club last scored with Moily on Frid ^lp^piChristyon Saturday, when a Colby golfer ht, Nancjfejj ^lit BB night and Saturday nig o^pb |immy ! lost in the woods after finishing his eighteenth hole. According to reliable sources, Muffin's four- We would like apologies fo ^ WU/^ ^ Wthat ahno man team, the Stinkfingers, be- Bobb y. The , Echo K^llir |i^4 he gfa came separated from their ace - driver shortly after completing scored with Debbi | Oft Fdd fty flight, ^Mt WB the final hole of the scramble- roomates came (like and p|ik#d" ¦ ¦*¦ >¦ o$ JjflolK| >¥4 -<• T* ^ . "^ ' - -*. _...^ *M.______g ISmii B H' type tournement. Apparently, ruining the mood. Better there was an argument between l^ ^l^ltf ^^ K ^PJi Muffin and the other members of the team over who would get to drive their one golf cart back to ¦¦HHH the clubhouse. The team decided giiiMH |flli_H ¦W______^______H l^PSW^Wfl ______kW m MMmW Mm ¦ _H _H I I ^^^H_H W M _^______l ______mrmW ^^___l _H H ______^^^______Ef .* that after successfully complet- Echo photo by your mother iW^^^n^W* *^ ing his "beer-a-hoie" regimen, Muff in fe ndsoff an agressive porcupin e with his 5 iron. Muffin would be better off stum- bling or riding back. Muffin dis- himself back to the clubhouse. home and have a beer. The rest of :" ^ - f agreed, pointing out "you al- This is when the other Stinkfinger the team agreed, and so were *!¦*W*' • " t ___km m V% P-I- '- j& tw A^h '^Mmj &SmiWWzlmMi ready ran over your f **king golf emerged from the woods and quite surprised when Muffin Ma tt and J illh ^e!b|.enj g4tt& ^ bag!" One of the other stole the cart. Muffin gave chase turned up later that night at a lately. Thev nta\lwinli^^ il ri ^ faj^PiM Stinkfingers then stole the keys briefly before falling down. He then party in the Heights. When asked weekend. * to the cart and proceeded to walk got up and proceeded to walk into why he'd wandered into the $<* . - *<&0||^ back to the clubhouse. However. the woods, where he would remain woods, Muffin answered only "I Wood en 42 i| this surprisingly clever indi- for the next five hours. saw a porcupine." He did not elabo- ing. Mj&jftJ Mey^'g ^#^ gi#riend a)^PIiffi||t vidual circled back in the woods A massive search effort fol- rate on whether he was going to try Bates Vem ^ and crept up behind Muffin and lowed, as all three Stinkfingers to ride the porcupine back to the ^** & *^tw^^ the cart unnoticed. Granted, it drove around in the woods clubhouse, or merely found the por- rocks¦% Mf L - ^mrj' X ^ ^^^^^ KKt3__E______H ^ t ^^" S ^ f I M^m\\m\lto«&$&*^ %'* J B|P j |flyi fn y ^ H ^^^^ KH ** was hard for this person not to hollering "Muffin!" and hanging cupine to be sexually attractive. « m\wsS&*d^ ' ^£_____.4______H laugh loudly as he watched Muf- pieces of steak out the window. Despite Muffin's little adven- fin try to push^start the golf cart But as darkness approached, ture, Colby Alcoholic Golf Day (after his hotwiring attempt Muffin was still at large in the organizer Spot Titglow declared failed.) But eventually Muffin Vasilineboro Woods. At this the event a big success. moved away fro m the cart and point one of the Stinkfingers sug- "Sixpackawhupass is a great wandered onto a nearby green, gested that Muffin had probably club, and they said they'd let us where he began to inspect. the been eaten by a bear, in which come back next year as long as

colb y.edu • Check and top off fluid levels (T 1 /Z Q^C ^ • AdjustJ air pressure in tires ^ _,, * _ ||^^ HMfl ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ R!l|§ §*i Please call for an What you think • Free Suspension and exhaust checkover appointment 10% DISCOUN T ON ALL MECHANIC AL REPAIRS ' I > v^_ s™f*£*+£ ' i 'JfJ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^JH fHHfl vs. FOR ALL STUDENTS AND FACULTY(I.D. PRESENT) ! ¦ ¦ Of \itsf-_*j |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Bj ^ Hiili r^WKA^^H^^^^^^^^^^H^^^^H • Ace Tire is family owned and has been doing business in Waterville what you drink for over 40 years • We employ "A.S.E." certified technicians 873-5 166 How man y times in a typical month does the • Maine's largest indendent tire dealer 1 onn A T> 1 nAI\J average Colby student drink alcohol? Our tire prices are among the lowest! 1"" oUU-t-Z-Z- 1^7 C> will take you back to campus and pick you up. Realit y — 5.01 time s /month • Free courtesy van Perce ption — 8.38 times / month

How many alcoholic drinks does the avera ge Colby student have in a typical week? Realit y—- 6.90 drinks / week Perce ption — 10.48 MSI can |HH |||^ HJ give « DAYAND EVENING How man y alcoholic drinks do you typ ically \___Br ^yw «^/o PROGRAMS consume at once? ^m 7jg &- * .mmmmuvm, * Realit y — 4.03 drinks at a time business, healthcare, law PLANS AND FINANCIAL Perce ption — 5.97 drink s at a time enforcement, government or law. AID AVAILABLE ¦HMnHHMHMHH - ROLLING ADMISSIONS How man y times a month did the avera ge Colby student drink last semester? 60% drank th ree times or less 500 Federal Str eet, Andover , MA 01810 • (978) 681*0800

Results of: the Colby Alcohol Research and Education Committee (CARE) Study on Alcohol Perceptions at Colby, based on repre- sentative samples of students. Data collected Fall '98 /Spring '99 Mules go Div. 1 -Adjoi n Big Ten 3 -______-^-| ^^^ M^^^ H ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ HI ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^, K y-^ #g 0e yef a - pWU- BY CHESTY HECKLER ^ Ass Shorts Editor

"It's incredible," said student activities secretary Sheila Elavil "There hasn't been a line this long since the De La Soul concert." Students have been lining up for game tickets ever since the football team's surprise promotion to Divi- sion I and into the Big 10. The move did not come as much of a shock to head coach Tom Lustin. "No, I'm not surprised," said Lustin. "If sobviousto methatwe've been playing in the wrong division for a while now." While the Mules are only one year removed from an 0-8 season and are 6-18 over thepast three years, ' . Echo photo by fen nyAu Gratin the Big 10 is making an effort to improve its academic standing. A schematic of the proposed stadium, to be built in 2001 Brendan fllcPicku p'OO "We need scholars, not just ath- to cover any of their games," said a buffet line." letes/' said Tom Greene, spokes- Florida State head coach Bobby Although the Mules aren't nec- McPickup sexiled his roomatea record124 times thisyear , shatter- man for the conference. Bowdown. "I can't show any film to essarily thinking Rose bowl this ing me previous record of 69 he set his freshman year, The players and coaches aren't my players. If itweren'tfortheboot- year, Lustin sees Pasadena in ./This is a recordthe likes of whichwe 've never seen/' said President the only ones who have to adjust to leg copies of those radio broadcasts Colby's future travel plans. Slaughter. 'l^s__^pker_esqueinitssc»peand it willmost certainly neverbe of he it the change. The administration is I don't know what I'd do." "We've got the talent and the brol^.-uriess course tops again nextyear" . hoping for an imminent donation The Seminoles are even more ability," said Lustin. "We're gonna Afiercecompetitor, McRcitopsaidhewill continue to workhismcjjoat from the Alfonds in order to expand worried than their coaches. - show them what Mule pride is all parties, s^Kftoigevenfe,^^ weddings, lunerals, batmitzvahs, and bake the football stadium. "I'm having nightmares, if s so about." sales. Buihe said, recordsdon 't drive him.Hormones do. ' The roster, coaching staff, band, bad," said wide receiver Joe "Yo "The national competition Whfle legends and st^es^ and cheerleaders of a typical D-I Mama" Mann. "Icanheartheirfoot- should do wonders for a draft suc- he refusesto roirimen.on the tilings"Gcd saw team will fill more than a third of steps." cess too," he added. "Give me a ^tm^^ mmStk ^ " EcUto_sNo.e:Wela-owt_hisisnotfumy,weapologizetoanyone who mmmvmm , mmmt Mp wmM^mwmm *^ ¦ ^^mwwmffm had the misfortune to read this sad excuse for an article. 1HMA.H 8TBEETWATtFmt. _E . NBCTTOJORGB.SEN'B <> ! , I i < > '

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BY MIKE HUNT Contributing Writer

Due to the crew team's re- cent success and the de sire of the men's and women's swim- ming teams to compete year- round, Director of Athletics Richie Rich Whitemore an- nounced yesterday his plans to expand Johnson Pond. "I have no doubt that out- door competition for the swim teams and a nearby facility for the crew team will make Colby tops in the NESCAC;" said Whitemore. "Go Mules!" In addition/ three members of the Colby football team have decided to trade in their shoul- Created by Banal Moralless der pads and girdles to lead a The expanded pond has significantly altered possible Photo can be puna at unvzy.chickswtfylicK$.ccm new club sport: The White recreation activities. worries about bulges. Snip snip! Mule Polar Bear club - Harry stand outside of the water with- join the White Mule Polar Bear We will soon have no Henderson '00, and tri-cap- out grabbing a towel-in order to club can call Henderson, the chokehold after Peckmi slid tion will remind them to put 7 tains Scaaron Hermore '99 and truly prove their toughness. Hermore or Scrubber. Sign up into second base. others , feelings first and James Scrubber '99 tested the Any members wishing to before next March.? '1 thought it was his fault," never put winning above be- plausibility of swimming in said Peckmi. "But I guess Vm ing nice. the pond in early April. . ju st not supposed to retaliate. In my professional opin- Following a bet about when ffift ^^^ S l I should be the bigger person. ion, I think "Athlete Sensitiv-

¦mmr- " the ice would melt from the ^______mmmw mmp *^ *^j ___|M__ ^^y ^mmm-mmmw^^«r ' K SM-PH I have realized the error of my ity Day will offer all male. .v Steakhouse emmmmimmm-PMHI mmMtmmwfMm^^ W^^ pond's surface, the three shed ^^ ways and promise to forever athletes who have hidden bier- all of their clothing and be sensitive to every other liv- hind a masculine image jumped from the overhanging ing creature on this planet as throughout their lives an op- willow tree into the icy waters long as.I liW; so Kelp me Goci/' portunity to let their true feel- below. Their invigorating rush Similarly, hockey players ings show. Female athletes AIJVwJo of adrenaline made them be- ^ui ^J ^UslsmiMimiiSi g^ Ril(S . Stir p^.«j ^.,^,} • ¦^^ SWWWWWHWSB I^f Spew Pohdscum '01 and Cott can encourage the healing of lievie they had found the true OiiKf tm«»t*.««fe 4>v«!ir{(>okin^ Stan di • FrtttK Rib Di>w J» our D«ti«g Rnu>r Gittenkmte '00 have decided their wounde„d itfaleCounter- sport for them. . the Ke_u>.bt-« RiY«_ 2? MY STREm ; WINSLOW 872-0529 Umn^e. Opes .Mays s*wk7 that weeing women's cloth-, , : patts by assisting them in tl CowtUiw ;»tin ; «ml of Maia Si-i »w» kitjU a< the tiglft Win-stow, ^ie <;)xli)f briiigt. Wtt y.Tr ^» _ ¦ ^B il)» g.it- wa_y "I got such a thrill from that _iat_<.-afiighiai {l>e ,!/* >»& ^ , ;, ing willbe their to apolo- chores of leg shaving japd HMMMMaiiMaiiiaMaiiMIMIIiaaaa iila i llaaa Ma^ M^^ ^ r ' cold,... .. cold water/ " said gize for slamming too many wardrobe matching * T" Henderson with -a shiver. "It opponents into the Plexiglas ' Fbr information about ho»w • QUALITY VISION CARE in an was unlike any feeling T have ^^ Wm^SSBSMmm ^ boards. Under their pads andf '\ ^intervene athlete's life ever experienced." jS^LWMkk^^^^-. * The treatment and management helmetS/ ' Pondscum and1' *!by taking part in AthleteSen- The club will watch weather Grttensome will wear dresses sitivity Day, call the Health forecasts throughout the and make-up. Self-humilia- Center or Dean Castration.Q months of March dnd April each year, awaiting ithe warm weather necessary to melt the POULIN & ASSOCIATES EYECARE CENTER ice. As soon as a clear path of water can be made from the 166 Silver Street William J. Henderson, O.D. Al Corey Music Center north side of the pond to the Waterville, ME 04901 Charlene Keating, O.D. ' ^ \ south end, Henderson, Hermore (207) 873-3500 Philip R. Poulin, O.D. "Eve rything in Music " and Scrubber, along with any ft Cufftra, Keyboards , Instruments , Sheet teammates, will race a cross Present Colby ID for 10% fca » Johnson pond - dodging the on- E| Music , Televisions, Stereo Systems... coming crew sculls if necessary. Complementary Colby Main , The race is based on time, mea- mil "Home of ^ Street Waterville sured in minutes and seconds, Student Discount Telephone 872"5622 and the length of time one can W the Big Band"

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Page 12,562 The Colby Suck-Ohh „ My 4, 1776 Th ree Bates players defect following Softball Game administration has now begun to only allow BY CAEETH OFNOONE the older and more loyal athletes to travel Layed Out Editor outside the school. Colby softball coach Dick Lamie remarked, Following last Wednesday's game, Bates' "While Bates' teams are generally poor, the students Sandy Arquez '0*0, Melinda Jones overall quality has decreased further follow- '01 and Becky Santiago '01 defected to Colby ing Bates' refusal to allow freshman and College and immediately filed for academic 'troublesome athletes' to compete in away asylum. The flight of the three brings the games." number of Bates athletes defecting to Colby The Colby administration has refused to to 12 m this academic year alone. comment on the situation of the three softball "After many sleepless nights, soul search- athletes. However, most media outsiders be- ing and debating with fellow teammates, I lieve that Colby will grant the trio academic decided that it was the best thing for me as a asylum and immediately allow them to be- player and a person for the present and in the gan practicing with the Colby softball team. future ," said Jones. In addition, sports agent Terry Maguire has The most recent defectors, when ques- claimed he has agreed to represent the three tioned about their reasons for leaving, cited women and help them accomplish what they terrible housing conditions, poor dining hall need. services and tlie harsh, repressive practices of "I am working to guarantee the three their softball coach Fidele Kastrow. women an AMS triple next year with an "If you can believe it, conditions have option to upgrade to the senior apartment if become so bad at Bates that the dining halls they meet certain performance goals," said have been forced to serve fried sealegs three Maguire. days in a row. In addition, even though I kept Also, Maguire is reportedly seeking to asking for bagels all they kept serving were guarantee a minimum GPA for the three. This Photo by the Pig Patrol muffins. I just could not take it anymore," tactic is similar to whatMaguire accomplished Bates security forces detain the members of an ill-fated defection escape last said Arquez. with crew sensation Trevor Lorkin '00, using fall. The members of the Bates Volleyball team, where promptly shot and Due to the large number of defectors, Bates the catch phrase, "show me the GPA!!!" made into dog food back in Lewiston. has recently implemented a system in which The three athletes have refused to com- ' ment concerning the method in which they group based in Grossman. Furthermore, a ing, "While it is hard to leave behind my large all athletic competitions occurring off-cam- large number of Bates athletes braved the screen television, my bean bag chair and be- pus have been accompanied by a team of escaped Bates' custody. By refusing to name their means of escape, they hope to allow dangerous Lewiston-to-Waterville Grey- ing closer to the Portland Airport, I am look- Bates' security specialists. Brandishing AK- hound Bus route to escape to Colby in the fall ing forward tobeing a White Mule and giving 47's, security has attempted to keep Bates future Bates' athletes to use the same method. It is generally believed that past defectors of 1998. Bates softball a nice kick in the ass next time athletes away from sports agents, Colby Santiago summed up the situation by say- we face each other." ? coaches and the media. In addition, the Bates have had assistance from the large Bates-exile 'J ocks are Sensitive Too Beer die to become varsit y spor t weekends of first and second semester the squads. The White Mules will host Day' establ ished BY CHESTY HECKLER loudness always draw large crowds. the 1999 Beer Die Championships with Ass Shorts Editor But Banton contends that true beer die more than 15 schools competing on talent is easy to spot. May 8-9. The round robin tournament BY REBECCA THE WRECKER "Well, if s about time," said co-cap- "Afterafewturnsatthetable , thafs will takeplace in severaldorms around Sports Psychologist tain Jacob "Cheetah" Banton '99, after when the real testbegins," said Banton. campus. Theexactlocationshaveyetto learning that, 30 years after its inoep- "Only then can you separate the real be determined. Nielson shrugs off the Baseball co-uniforms or jackets or any- We' re thing," saidcaptainSarah "Small Won- crazy header against the Tufts University J umbos. der" Nielson '00. "We just want gas here! Woo, The result pi Peckmi' s actions prove d to the administra- money." CRAZY!** tion that if Peckmi was capable of such desp icable acts , any The teams have away games or athlete was. Thereby, according to Dean of Moral Action tournaments eveiy other weekend. With a combined roster of more than ¦ J anice Castration , May 1 will for ever be celebrated as "Ath- lete Sensitivity Day" at Colby. 40 throwers, travel gelsexpensive,Now Several prominent White Mules abided by Dean Colby will provide the vans and pick Photo by some Castration 's comman ds and interpreted the rule by expos- up the tab for gas and tolls. The school dr unk idiot ing their feminine side to demonstrate their belief that will also provide the kegs for home peoplecallus'patiyonwheels'orwhat- she said. games. m women, more of ten than men, display sensitivity to the ever," said Kreeger. "We're out there Banton finds the risk of fines and feelings of others . "Indie^ thehometeamprovidesthe playing hard every weekend, all year, possible arrest exciting. Peckmi, embarrassed by his actions, promised to don a beer/'said co-captainFred "Hintetone" no matter what. You can't say that "Hey, it comes with the territory, feather boa for at least a week. He has also offered to wr ite Kreeger'99. "The special deal at Joka's about any other team. The administra- if sallpartof ihegame/'hesaid. "Bring a wri tten apology to the Tufts baseball player who initiated just wasn't cutting it. If s a lot of beer." tion finally realised that," iton." See JOCKS, continued on page 1$ Freebeer is precisely what attracts Varsity status and school funding Colby hopes fora three-peatinthis people to the sport. Try-outsduring tine could nothavecome at a better time for year's championships.Q | ^ 40 | ^ • Will Colby Footbal6 /i_9fca _ac jjfaSstnt alll /fifWSncUU9 / 3>Cm7fi_o_o f_r___30_o Jaff C 1IV /)