13th Anniversary ALL STAR

THE MAGAZINE 0 E Fantasy FANTAiy and

Science Fictio

SCIENCE

The Journey of Joenes

fiCTION a new novel by

ROBERT SHFCfCtfY A Kind of Artistry BRIAN W. ALDISS 6

There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe ROBERT F. YOUNG 28

24 Hours in a Princess’s Life> With 'Fe6gs DON WHITE 34 Inquest in Kansas {verse) ;/ HYACINTHE HILL 38 Measure My Love ' MILDRED CLINGERMAN 39

Science', Slow Burn ISAAC ASIMOV 52 Books AVRAM DAVIDSON 63 The Unfortunate Mr. Morlcy VANCE AANDAHL 68

Ferdinand Feghoot: LV GRENDEL BRIARTON 70

The Journey of Joenes {1st 6j 2 parts ) ROBERT SHECKLEY 71

^ Editorial > /* 4 /

• In this issue . . . Coming si/on 5 F&SE Marketplace ' 129

Cover by Ed Emsh {illustrating ^'The Journey of Joenes”)

The Magasine of Fantasy and Sciffiice Fiction, Vclume 23, No. 4, Whole No. 137, Oct. 1962. P-ttblisked monthly by Mercury Press, Inc., at 40^ a copy. Annual subscription S4 50 in U. S. and Possessions, $5.00 in Canada and the Pan American Union; $5.50 m all other countries. Publicaiion office, IQ Ferry Street, Concord, N. //. Editorial and general mail should be sent to 347 East 53rd St., New York 22, N. Y. Second Class postage paid at Concord, N. H. Printed in U. S. A. © 2^62 by Mercury Press, Inc. Ail rights, including translations into other languages, reserved. Submissions mtist be accom- panied by stamped, self-addressed envelopes; the Publisher assumes no responsibility for return of unsolicited manuscripts.

Joseph W. Forman, publisher Avram Davidson, executive editor Robert P. Mills, consulting editor Edward L- Forman, managing editor Isaac Asimov, contributing science editor .

EDITORIAL In this issue . .

First of all, a clip into The Question Box. Is Raitdall Garrett

. . tliat SF really Randall Jarrell? No, he really isn’t. He is incredible enough . The complaint, often made, and often justly, many just being Randall Garrett. Whatever happened to fantasy stories stories of the future deal with technological changes only, and the present one, with the element of terror or horror in them? An answer will be present a social outlook essentially unaltered from found on the front pages of your daily newspaper; in addition, we is certainly not applicable to BRIAN ALDISS’S long story—the have excellent such stories coming up by Israel Zangwill, P. M. same whose ending, which gave us such surprised pleasure, we after an Hubbard, and Russell Kirk. Were we serious is saying (August spoke of in an earlier editorial. ROBERT F. YOUNG, absence as long as it was imdesired, returns witli a wry tale of over- issue) that if we obtained a juvenile who reviewed books %ve would present review at least one juvenile? We were. Will we consider appUca- population and outer space; VANCE AANDAHL is and on tions from Macon, Georgia (age 16), and Georgian Bay, Ontario paradoxical in a short satire mathematical (or something); fans will find cause (age 14)? We will. Will we,, since we mentioned Mr. Boucher’s pages 39 to 51 MILDRED CLINGERMAN is course, and red-hot; your nice letters of rejection, consider a story once nicely rejected by for rejoicing. DR. ASIMOV hete, of editor rattles on about books (havihg been absent in this capacity Mr. Boucher? Yes; and if we reject it, too, we will try to do so just from the previous issue); newcomer WHITE gives us a as nicely. Since the Pope has d legislature of 13, tvhich is bad be- DON rococo glimpse into the lives 6f princesses; and IIYACINTHE cause only the number 1 is divisime into it, will ive support a U.N. think. Resolution requiring every state to have a 1080 man legislature in HILL provide.s poetic balance — alw'ays a good thing, we of fat tilings is Part One 360 man weekly shifts for 5 days, Saturday, Sunday, and Reserve, And of course the biggest item in this feast two-part serial wild, witty, and de- in 3 split 8 hour, 120 man daily shifts, 60 on duty, 60 reserve? of ROBERT SJiECKiEY’S — We will not. We have enough troubles, and so has the U.N. For lightfully different. - - that matter, so has the Pope. We attended the 1 5th Annual West Coast Science Fantasy Con- ference (Wester-Con XVj in Los Angeles, June 30'31, together with our lovely wife, Crania, and oiir unborn child; Jack Vance Coming soon ... / was Guest of Honor, Anthony Botlcher was MC; they and Foul

Anderson, Mark Clifton, Piay Bra^Wry, A. E. Van Vogt, and . . . is R. BRETNOR, of /he memorable Tlie G/nnrs Come From Robert Bloch, among the speakers, helped make the occasion a very The Voodvork Out, witli something which might have been entitled isn’t. vivid, and con- pleasant one. It was the first time we met A. E. Van Vogt. All we The Man Who Loved Lions, but Also a sad, vincing in our opinion, his best -et. Tlie could think of to say was, “Hi, there,” Mr. Van Vogt, we are happy story by TERRY CARR— 5 moral of to report, said, “Hi.” We intend, D.^., to have been at the World ever-depeiidable GORDON R. DICKSON has a drama SF Convention in Chicago, Labor Day Weekend. Watch tins space regression and death; JOHP^ BRUNNER takes a grim look at tele- for further fascinating details of our insouciant hobnobbings and patliy through a telcpath’s “eyes”; FRITZ LEIBER looks at current sophisticated conversations with The Great. events through an Old Norse glass —and grimaces. There are novels by MACK REYNOLDS and SIR L. E. JONES and articles by — Avram Davidson FREDERIK POHL and L. SPRAGUE DE CAMP. And, more- over, a first story by poet KAREN ANDERSON, a novelet by RICHARD McKENNA of Casey Agonistes, droll verse by RAN- DALL GARRETT, the first Japanese SF in The Magazine, and a rich —remarkable —relation by P. M. HUBBARD, who has been several times here reprinted from Punch: Warning: This one isn’t funny.

5 The kind of artistry found in this story by Brian W. Aldiss A KIND OF ARTISTRY will surprise no one except those who are about to read him the time. story Derek Ende, his brave—or for first This of by Brian W, Aldiss bootless—voyage to a future and hazardous Ultima Thule; his adventuring in the fleshpots, relations with his Lady, and. that Lady’s own singtdar (and deeply significant) experiments, is I Between the building and the the work Item . . . The Literary Editor of the Oxford Mail, of: fjord, where the garden contrived the in an erudite daily tohose hook reviews are arnong top A GIANT RISING FROM THE itself into a parade, stood My

Britain. Item . . . The President of the'British Science Fiction fjord, from the grey arm of sea in Lady's laboratory, and My Lady’s the fjord, could have peered over pets and, indeed. Lady her- Association. Item . . . The editor of PENGUIN SCIENCE — My the crown of its sheer cliffs and self at this time, her long hands FICTION ONE (1961)^ an unprecedented success, and of discovered Endehaaven there on busf with tlic minicoypu and the PENGUIN SCIENCE FICTION TWO (forthco7ning). Item the edge, sprawling at the very agoutinis. I stood with her, at-

. . . author PRIMAL URGE (Ballantine Books), The of THE start of tlie island. tending the animals’ cages or novel somewhat too hot for British publishers to handle;” Derek Flamifew Ende saw passing her instruments or stir- THE BRIGHTFOUNT DIARIES (bibliophilia); THE LONG much of his sprawl from his high ring the tanks, doing always what AFTERNOON OF EARTH (Signet), based on his HOT- window; indeed, a growing ill- she asked. And tlie eyes of Derek ease, apprehensions of a quarrel, Ende looked down on us; no, they HOUSE series-F^SF, (FIOTHOUSE, Feb., 1901; NOMANS- forced him to see everything with looked down on her only. LAND, Apr., 1961; UNDERGROWTH, July, 1961; TIMBER- particular clarity, just as a land- LINE, Sept., 1961; a^ul EVERGREEN, Dec., 1961); and his scape takes on an intense actinic Derek Flamifew Ende stood latest, A GARDEN WITH FIGVJIES, just completed, a plot- visibility before a thunderstorm. with his face over the receptor less novel, which (says his British agent, whose name ought Although he was warmseeing \^ith bowl, reading the message from his face, yet his eye vision wan- Stay One. It played lightly over to be Ashenden, but is aUually \arnell) "'will give reviewers dered over the estate. his countenance and over the and psychiatrists food for discussion for years to come.” Item All was bleakly neat at Ende- boscises of his forehead. Though

. . . The star, in whole and in part, of two BBC TV shows. haaven — as I should know, for its he stared down across that ach- Item . . . The possessor of a great sense of humor, not evident neatness is my care. The gardens ingly familiar stage of his life out- in, because not appropriate to, the story belotv; but evident are made to support evergreens side, he still warrasaw the com- in one of our own most favorite stories, the one about hunting and shrubs that never flower; diis munication clearly. When it was is My Lady’s whim, that likes a finished, he negated the receptor, a brontosaurus, POOR LITTLE WARRIOR! (F&SF, April, sobriety to matcli the furrowed pressed his face to it, and flexed 1958). Whenever, in the uture, we think of this newest Brian f brow of the coastline. The build- his message back. Aldiss story, shall think a refrain hauntinghj we of from a ing, gaunt Endehaaven itself, is “I will do as you message, Star beautiful old Scots ballad—sung by the hauntingly beautiful tall and lank and severe; earlier One. I will go at once to Festi voice of the beautiful and haunting Joan Baez .. .‘Tama man ages would have found its struc- XV in tlie Veil Nebula and enter .” ture impossible: for its thousand liaison with the being you call the upon the land/l am a silky in the sea . . built-in paragravity units ensure Chff. If possible I will also obey the support of masonry the mass of your order to take some of its sub- which is largely an illusion. stance to Pyrylyn. Thank you for 6 7 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION A KIND OF ARTISTRY 9

your greetings; I return them in “You know I have my duty to did not receive. Yet she had a tempt to sound sincere. Why don't good faith. Good-bye." perform, Mistress,” I heard him beauty of some dreadful kind I you go? It doesn't matter what He straightened and massaged saying. "Nobody else but a normal- cannot describe, if weariness and happens to me." his face: warmlooking over great born Earthborn can be entrusted knowledge can together knead “Oh, if you could only hear light distances was always tiring, with this sort of task.” beauty. Her eyes were as grey and your own self-pity." as if the sensitive muscles of the "This sort of task! The galaxy is distant as the frieze of snow-cov- Now she had a tear on the icy countenance knew that they de- loaded inexhaustibly with such ered volcano behind her, O My slope of one cheek. Turning, she livered up their tiny electrostatic tasks! You can excuse yourself for Lady! She was a century older flashed it for his inspection. charges to parsecs of vacuum, and ever witli such excursions.” than Derek: tliough the dillcrence “Who else should pity me? You were appalled. Slowly his bos- He said to her remote back, showed not in her skin —which don’t, or you wouldn’t go away ciscs also relaxed, as slowly he pleadingly: “You can’t talk of would stay fresh yet a thousand from me as you do. Suppose you gatliered together his gear. It them like that. You know of the year.s — but in her authority. get killed by this Cliff, what will would be a long flight to the Veil, nature of the Cliff— I told yon all "I’m not angry. I’m only hurt. happen to me?” and the task that had been set about it. You know this isn't an , You know how you have the power "I shall be back, Mistress," he ' him would daunt the stoutest heart excursion : it requires all the cour- to hurt me.” said. "Never fear.” on Earth; yet it was for another .age I have. And you know that "Mistress — he said, taking a “It’s easy to say. Why don’t you reason he lingered: before he only Earthborns, for some reason, step towards her. have the courage to admit tliat could be away, he had to say a have such courage . . . Don’t "Don’t touch me,” she said. you’re only too glad to leave me?” farewell to his Mistress. you, mistress?” "Go if you must, but don’t make a “Because I’m not going to be Dilating the door, he stepped Although I had. come up to mockery of it by touching me.” provoked into a quarrel.” out into the corridor, walked them, thi;eading my subservient He took her elbow. She held “Pah, you sound like a child along it with a steady tread — feet way betw^een cage and tank, they one of the minicoypus quiet in the again. You won’t answer, will covering mosaics of a pattern noticed me not enough even to crook of her arm — animals were you? Instead you’re going to run learnt long ago in his childhood Io\^er their voices. My Lady stood always docile at her touch-^and away, evading your responsibili- — and walked into the paragrav- gazing at the grey heights inland, strained it closer. tip." ity shaft. Moments later, he Was her pounlenance as formidable as "I don't mean to hurt yoii. Mis- "I’m not running away!" leaving the main hall, approaching they; one boscis twitched as she tress. You know we owe allegiance "Of course you are, whatever My Lady as she stood gaunt, with said, “You think you arc so big to Star One; I must work for them, you pretend. You're just imma- her rodents scuttling at beast level and brave, don’t you?” or how else do we hold tliis es- ture.” before her and Vatna JokuH’s Knowing the power of sympa- tate? Let me go for once with an “I’m not, I’m not! And I'm not heights rising behind her, grey thetic magic, she never spoke his affectionate parting.” running away! It takes real cour- with the impurities of distance. name when she was angry; it was "Affection! You go off and leave age to do what I’m going to do." "Go indoors and fetch me the as if she wished him to disap- me alone witli a handful of parthe- "You think so well of yourself!" box of name rings, Hols/’ she said pear. nos and you talk of affection! He turned away tlien, petulant- to me; so I passed him, My Lord, "It isn’t that,” he said humbly. Don’t pretend you don’t rejoice to ly, without dignity. He began to as he went to her. He noticed me “Please be reasonable. Mistress; get away from me. You’re tired of head towards the lauding plat- no more than he noticed any of you know I must go; a man cannot me, aren’t you?" form. He began to run. tlie other parthenos. be forever at home. Don’t be an- Wearily he said, as if nothing “Derekl”, she called. When I returned, she had not gry." else would come, “It’s not that He did not answer. turned towards him, though he She turned to him at last. She took the squatting mini- was speaking urgently to her. Her face was high and stern; it “You seel You don’t even at- coypu by tlie scruff of its neck. 10 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION A KIND OF ARTISTRY 11

Angrily she flung it into the near- Strictly controlled formulae, with- pare to jump. Without baste, he and compulsion, challenged those by tank of water. It turned into a out the inbred organisations of assumed his special suit, checking alien beings, to wrest from them fish and swam down into the DNA that assure true Earthborns each item as he took it up, open- new knowledge that might be add- deptlis. of their amazing longevity; five ing the paragravs until he floated, ed to the pool of the old. more long hauls and Jon will be then closing them again, clicking All knowledge has its influence. II old and worn out, fit only for the down every snap-fastener until Over tlic millennia since inter- transmiiter. he was entirely encased. stellar flight had become practica- Derek journeyed towards the Derek sat at the controls. Did “395 seconds to next zenith, ble, mankind was insensibly Veil Nebula in his fast lightpiish- he sec, superimposed on the face of My Lord,” Jon said. moulded by its own findings; to- er. Lonely it sailed, a great fin Festi, the face he loved and “You know all about collecting gether with its lost innocence, its shaped like an archer’s bow, barna- feared? I think he did. I think me?” genetic staility w'cnt out of the cled all over with the photon cells there were no swirling clouds for “Yes, sir.” galactic window. As man fell like that sucked its motive power from him that could erase the clouding “I shall not activate the radio rain over other planets, so his of tlie dense and dusty emptiness of her brow. beacon till I’m back in orbit.” .strain lost its original hereditary space. Midway along the trailing Whatever he saw, he settled the “I fully understand, sir.” design: each centre of civilization edge was the blister in which lightpusher into a fast low orbit “Right. I’ll be moving.” bred now ways of thought, of feel- Derek lay, senseless over most of about the desolate planet. The sun A little animated prison, he ing, of shape — of Jife. Only on his voyage. Festi was little more than a blazing wallicd ponderously into the air old I’.arth itself did man still He woke in the dierapeutic bed, point some eight hundred million lock. somewhat resemble the men of called to another resurrection day miles away. Like the riding light Three minutes before they were pre-stellar days. that was no day, with gentle ma- of a ship it, bobbed above a turbu- next above the CliO', Derek That was why it w’as an Ihirth- chine hands easing tlie stiffness lent sea of cloud as they went in. opened the outer door and dived born w'ho dived head-first to meet from his muscles. Soup gurgled For a long while, Derek sat witli into the sea of cloud, A brief an entity called the Cliff. in a retort, bubbling np towards a his face in a receptor bowl, check- blast of his suit jets set him free The Cliff had destroyed each of nipple only two inches from his ing ground heats far below. Since from the lighlpushcr's orbit. Cloud tlie few spaceships or lighlpush- mouth. He drank. He slept agahi, he wqs dealing with temperatures engulfed him like death as he, fell. crs'that had landed on its desolate tired from his long inactivity. approaching absolute zero, this The twenty surly planets that globe. After long study of the be- When he woke again, he was not simple; yet wlien the Cliff swung round Festi held only an ing from safe orbits, the wise men climbed slowly from the bed and moved into a position directly be- infinitesimal fraction of the mys- of Star One evolved tlie theory exercised for fifteen minutes. Then low, there was no mistaking its teries of the galaxy. Every globe that it destroyed any considerable he moved forward to the controls. bulk; it stood out as clearly on his in the universe huddlctl its own source of pow'cr, as a man ivill My friend Jon was there. senses as if outlined on a radar secret purpose to itself. On some swat a buzzing fly. Derek Endc, “How is everytliing?” Derek screen. of those globes, as on Earth, the going alone with no powering but asked. "There she goes!” Derek ex- purpose manifested itself in a type liis suit motors, would be safe — or “Everything is in order, My claimed. of being that could shape itself, so the theory went. Lord,” Jon replied. “We arc swing- Jon had come forward again. burst into the space lanes, and Riding down on the paragravs, ing into the orbit of Festi XV He fed the time coordinates into rough-hew its aims in a civilized he sank more and more slowly into now.” He gave the coordinates and the lightpusher’s brain, waited, extra-planetary environment. On planetary night. The last of the retired to eat. Jon’s job was the and read off the time when the others, the purpose remained aloof cloud was whipped from about his loneliest any patherno could have. Cliff would be below them again. and dark; only Earthborns, weav- shoulders and a high wind We are hatched according to Nodding, Derek began to pre- ing their obscure patterns of will thrummed and whistled round the A KIND OF ARTISTRY 13 12 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

only sort of tasks worth being set Now the rolling mattresses of supporters of his suit. Beneath His drop had been successfully were impossible ones. Star One’s cloud blotted the thing’s crest, as it him, the ground loomed. So as not placed. This was the Region of astrophysicists held the notion in its turn eclipsed the fountains to be blown across it, lie speeded Fire, where the Cliff lived. that the Cliff was in some sense of fire. To the jar of its approach his rate of fall; next moment he To lie there was content aware, they required Derek to take even the marrow of Derek’s bones sprawled full length on Festi XV. enough, to gaze on a scene never them a iiound of its flesh. How do raised a response. For a while he lay there, resting closely viewed by man fulfillment you carve a being the size of a Something else also responded. and letting his suit cool. enough— until he realised that a small mobn? The legs of Derek’s suit began The darkness was not com- wide segment of landscape offered All the time he lay there, the to move. The arms moved. The plete. Though almost no solar light not the slightest glimmer of il- wind jarred along the veins and body wriggled. touched tliis continent, green lumination. He looked into it with supporters of his .suit. Gradually, Puzzled, Derek stiffened his flares grew from the earth, illumin- a keen warmsiglit, and found it of the it occurred to Derek that the vi- legs. Irresistably, the knees ing its barren contours. Wishing was the Cliff. bration he felt from this constant suit hinged, forcing his own to do to accustom his eyes to tlie gloom, The immense bulk of the thing motion was changed. It carried a likewise. And not only his knees: he did not switch on his head, blotted out all light from the new note and a new strength. He his arms too, stiffly though he shoulder, stomach, or hand lights, ground and ro.se to eclipse the looked about, placed his gloved braced them on the ground before Something like a stream of fire cloud over its crest. hand outstretched on the ground. him, were made to bend to the flowed to his left, Because its radi- At the mere sight of it, Derek’s The wind was no longer vibrat- whim of the suit. He could not ance was poor and guttering, it primary and secondary hearts be- ing. It was the earth that shook, keep still without breaking bones. confused itself witli its own shad- gan to beat out a hastening pulse Festi itself that trembled. The Thoroughly alarmed he lay ows, so that the smoke it gave off, of awe. Stretched flat on the Cliff was moving! there, flexing contortedly to keep distorted into bars by the bulk of ground, his paragravs keeping him When he looked back up at it rhythm with his suit, performing the 4G planet, appeared to roll level to IG, he peered ahead at it; with both his senses, he saw the gestures of an idiot. along its course like burning tum- he swallowed to clear liis choked which way it headed. Jarring As if it had suddenly learnt to bleweed. Further off were larger throat; his eyes strained through steadily, it bore down on him. crawl, the suit began to move for- sources of lire, impure ethane and the mosaic of dull light in an ef- “If it has intelligence, then it ward. It shuffled forward over the mctliane most probably, burning fort' to define tlie Cliff. willy- will reason — if it has detected me ground; Derek inside went with a sound that came like frying One thing was sure: it was that I am too small to offer it nilly with it. steak to Derek's ears, and spouting large! He cursed that although — harm. So it will offer me none and One ironic thought struck him. upwards with an energy that photosistors allowed him to use 1 have nothing to fear,” Derek Not only was the mountain com- licked the lowering cloud race with liis warmsiglit on objects beyond told himself. The logic did not ing to Mohammed; Mohammed blue light. At another point, blaz- the suit he wore, this sense was reassure him. was perforce going to the moun- ing on an eminence, a geyser of distorted by tlie eternal firework An absorbent pseudopod, activat- tain . . . flame wrapped itself in a thickly display. Then in a moment of good ed by a simple humidity gland in swirling mantle of brown smoke, a seeing he had an accurate fix: the the brow of his helmet, slid across Ill pall that spread upwards as slowly Cliff was three quarters of a mile his forehead and removed the as porridge. Elsewhere, a pillar of away! From first observations, he sweat that formed there. Nothing he could do checked white fire burnt without motion had tliought it to be no more than Visibility fluttered like a rag in his progress; he was no longer or smoke; it stood to the right of a hundred yards distant. a cellar. The slow forward surge of master of his movements; his will where Derek lay, like a floodlit Now he Icnew how large it was. the Cliff was still something was useless. With the realisation sword in its perfection. It was enormous! Derek sensed rather than saw. rode a sense of relief. His Mistress He nodded approval to himself. Momentarily he gloated. The :

14 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION A KIND OF ARTISTRY 15 could hardly blame him for any- could claim: it could impart tliat tirely featureless. His ears detected brewed the life acids about its thing that happened now. volition to an inanimate object a constant slither along the out- crystalline heart. but Through the darkness he went like his suit. Helpless inside it, he side surfaces of his suit. His warm- Festi was a stable system, on hands and knees, blundering in carried his considerations a stage sight discerned a meaningless pat- once in every so many thousands the direction of die on-coming further. This power to impart voli- tern beyond his helmet. Though he of millions of years, the giant first, Cliff, prisoner in an animated tion seemed to have a limited focussed his bosciscs, he could second, and third planets achieved prison. range: otherwise the Cliff would make no sense of the pattern; it pcriliclion with the sun and wdth The only constructive thought surely not have bodicred to move had neither symmetry nor mean- each other simultaneously. This coincidentally widi the that came to him was tliat his suit its gigantic mass at all, but would ing for liim . . . happened had somehow become subject to have forced tlie suit to traverse all Yet for his body it seemed to asteroid’s nearest approach; it was the Cliff. How, he did not know or the distance between them. If tliis have some meaning. Derek felt his wrenched from its orbit and all try to guess. He crawled. He was reasoning were sound, then the limbs tvemlde, was aware of pulses but grazed the three lined-up almost relaxed now, letting his lightpusher was safe from capture and phantom impressions within planets. Vast electrical and gravi- limbs move limply with the suit in orbit. himself that he had not known tational forces were unleashed. movements. The movement of his arms dis- before. The realisation percolated The asteroid glowed : and woke to Smoke furled him about. The tracted him. His suit was tunnel- through to him that he was in consciousness. Life was not born life, in vibrations ceased, telling him that ling. Giving it no aid, he lay and touch with powers of which he had on it: it was born to born the Cliff was stationary again. let his hands make swimming mo- no cognisance — and, conversely, one cataclysmic clash! Raising his head, he could see tions. If it was going to bore into that something was in touch with Before it had more than mutely notliing but smoke — produced the Cliff, then he could only con- him that had no cognisance of his savoured the sad-sharp-sweet sen- perhaps by the Cliff’s mass as it clude he was about to be digested powers. sation of consciousness, it was in scraped over the ground. When yet he stilled his impulse to strug- An immense heaviness over- trouble. Plunging away from the the blur parted, he glimpsed only gle, loiowing that struggle was came him. The forces of life la- sun on its new course, it found darkness. The tiling was directly fruitless. boured within him. He sensed itself snared in the gravitational ahead! Thrusting against the doughy more vividly than before the vast pull of the 4G planet, Festi XV. It force but gravity; He blundered on. Abruptly he stuff, the suit burrowed into it bulk of tlie Cliff. Though it was knew no shaping to it all that oxygen began to climb, still involuntarily and made a sibilant little world of dwarfed by the mass of Festi XV, gravity was aping the movements of his suit. movement and friction which it was as large as a good-sized was to cellular life on Earth; yet to its Beneatli him was a doughy sub- stopped directly it stopped, leaving asteroid ... He could picture an it had no wish exchange stance, tough yet yielding. The Derek embedded in the most solid asteroid, formed from a jetting flight for captivity; yet it was too suit worked its way heavily up- kind of isolation. explosion of gas on the face of puny to resist. For the first time, wards at an angle of something To ward off growing claustro- Festi the sun. Half-solid, half- tlie asteroid recognised that its that like sixty-five degrees; the stiffen- phobia, he attempted to switch on molten, it swung about its parent consciousness had a use, in it extent control its en- ers creaked, the paragravs his headlight; his suit arms re- on an eccentric orbit. Cooling un- could to some outside itself. throbbed. He was ascending the mained so stiff he could not bend der an interplay of pressures, its vironment Rather Cliff. them enough to reach the toggle. interior crystallised into a unique than risk being broken up in Festi’s orbit, it sped inwards, and By tliis time there was no doubt All he could do was lie tlicre help- form. So, witli its surface semi- its fall per- in Derek’s mind that die thing lessly in his shell and stare into plastic, it existed for many mil- by retarding own volition, possessed what might be termed the featureless darkness of the lions of years, gradually accumu- formed its first act of an volition, if not consciousness. It Cliff. lating an electrostatic charge that act that brought it down shaken

. . . and but entire on the planet’s surface. . . waited possessed too a power no man But the darkness was not en- poised . and 16 FANTA.SY AM) SCIENCE FICTION A KIND OF ARTISTRY 17

scale possible. For an immeasiircable period, "Yet it did not — yet it could peared; he had lain on tlie thresh- on the most lavish hosts the asteroid — but now it was the not communicate with me!”, he old of consciousness longer than This was where Derek Ende’s self-effacing ClifF— lay in the shallow crater murmured. But it had commimi- he thought. He looked at his took him, with Jon in its it high attendance. formed by impact, speculating cated : he was still faint with the chronometer, to find was without thought. It knew nothing burden of it. lime he moved towards bis rendez- They lay in a nest of couches giving except the inorganic scene about The Cliff had nothing like a vous with the lightpushcr. Step- which slowly revolved, otlier it, and could visualise nothing brain. It had not ‘recognised’ ping up his suit heating to combat tliem a full view of dance parties. itself else, but that scene it knew well. Derek's bmin. Instead, it had the cold' that began to seep and couch The room Gradually it came to some kind of communicated with the only part through his bones, be revved up moved. Its walls were transparent; be seen an ev- terms with the scene. Formed by of him it could recognise; it had the paragrav unit anti rose. The through them could tlie slid gravity, it used gravity as thought- communicated direct to his cell noisome clouds came down and er-changing view as room lessly as a man uses breath; it be- organisation, and in particular engulfed him; Fesli was lost to up and down and about the great Eyebright. gan to move otlicr things, and it probably to those cytoplasmic view. Soon he had risen beyond metal framework of the began to move itself. structures, the mitocliondria, the cloud or atmosphere. First they were on the outside of the bright night That it should be other than pmver sources of the cell. His Under Jon’s direction, the space tlie structure, with up at alone in the universe had never oc- brain had been by-passed, his own craft homed onto Derek's radio lights of Pynnati winking involved in curred to the Cliff. Now it knew cells had taken in the information beacon. After a few tricky min- them as if intimately slipped there was other life, it accepted the offered. utes, they matched velocities and their delight. Then they evagination of fact. The other life was not as it He recognised his feeling of Derek climbed aboard. inwards in the slow tlie be surrounded by was; that it accepted. Tlic other weakness. The Cliff had drained "Are you all right?”, the par- building, to pleasure their revel- life had its own requirements; that him of power. Even that could not tlieno asked, as Ms master stag- other rooms, visible they moved it accepted. Of questions, of drain his feeling of triumph. For gered into a flight seat. lers clearly as I'll grandly up or down or along. doubt, it did not know. It had a the Cliff had taken information "Fine —just weak. tell you Uneasily, Derek lay on his need; so did the other life; they even as it gave it. The Cliff had all about it as I do a report on couch. vision of his mistress’s should both be accommodated, for learnt that other life existed in spool for Pyrylyn. They’re going A could accommodation was the adjust- other parts of the universe. to be pleased with us.” face was before him; he she would treat all ment to pressure, and that re- Without hesitation, without de- lie produced a yellowy grey imagine how this harmless festivity: with cool sponse it comprehended. bate, it had given a fragment of blob of matter that had expanded His pleasure was Derek Ende’s suit began to move itself to be taken to those other to the size of a large turkey and contempt. own reduced to ashes, again under external volition. parts of the universe. Derek’s mis- held it out to Jon. consequently "I you'll be moving Carefully it worked its way back- sion was completed. "Don’t touch this with your bare suppose back to Earth as soon as possible?" wards. It was ejected from the In the Cliff’s gesture, Derek hands. Put it in one of the low- "Eh?” Derek grunted. Cliff. It lay still. read one of the deepest urges of temperature lockers under 4Gs. still. It’s a little souvenir from Festi "I said, I supposed you would Derek himself lay He was living things : the urge to make an soon be going home again.” The barely conscious. impression on another living XV.” Belix Ix Sappose, In a half daze, he was piecing thing. Smiling wryly, he pulled speaker was Chief Administrator of High Gee together what had happened. himself to his feet. IV Research at Star One; as Derek’s The Cliff had communicated He was alone in the Region of host of the evening, he lay next to with him; if he ever doubted that, Fire. The occasional mournful The Eyebright in Pynnati, one capital cities, was him. the evidence of it lay clutched in flame still confronted its surround- of Pyrylyn’s yourself ‘Tm sorry, Belix, yes I shall the crook of his left arm. ing dark, but the Cliff had disap- where you went to enjoy — 18 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION A KIND OF ARTISTRY 19

have to head bach for home soon.” party, including Jiipkey, Belix's At one of the doors, a staircase in you, Derek Ende, than the core "No ‘have to' about it. You have female, were also looking at him. was floating by. He stepped onto of Pyrylyn. To suppose otherwise discovered an entirely new life "I must get back to Earth soon,” it to escape from the crowds. is foolish, to know how unalter- form; we can now attempt com- Derek said. What had Belix said? Four young women were pass- able you are and still to see you munication with the Festi XV en- Offered some sort of post? Rest- ing down the stairs. They were doubly foolish.” tity, with goodness knows what ex- lessly he shifted on his couch, un- gaily dressccl, with sonant-stones He took her hand, beginning to tension of knowledge. The gov- der pressure as always when sur- pulsing on their costumes. In their lead her up the staircase; the ernment can easily show its grati- rounded by people he knew none faces youth kept its lantern, light- rooms moving by them on either tude by awarding you any sort of too well. ing tlicra as they laughed .and side were blurs to his eyes. post here you care to name; I am "You arc bored, Mr. Ende.” chattered, Derek stopped and be- “Must you still bring up that not without influence in that re- ‘“No, not at all. My apologies, held the girks. One of them he old charge, Eva?” spect, as you are aware. I don’t Belix. I’m overcome as always by recognised. Instinctively he called “It lies between us; I do not imagine that Earth in its senes- the luxury of Eycbright. I was her name: “Eva!” have to touch it. I fear your- im- cent stage has much to olfor a watching the nude dancers.” She had already seen him. Wav- changeability because I .'im a but- man of your calibre.” "I fear you are bored.” ing her companions on, she came terfly against your grey castle.” Derek thought of what it had to "Not at all, I assure you.” back to him, dancing up the inter- “You are lieautiful, Eva, so offer. He was bound to it. These "May I get you a woman?” vening steps. beautiful! —And may a butterfly decadent people did not under- “No, thank you.” "So the brave Earthborn climbs not rest unharmed on a castle stand how anything could be “A boy, perhaps?” once more the golden stairs of wall?” He fitted into her allusive binding. ‘‘No, thank you.” Pynnatil Well, Derek Endc, your way of speech with difliculty. "Well, what do you say, Endc? "Have you ever tried the flower- eyes are as dark as ever, and your "Walls! I cannot bear your I’m not speaking idly.” Celix Ix ing ascxuals from the Cphicls?” brow as high!” walls, Derek! Am I a bulldozer Suppose tapped his antler system "Notatpresent, thank you.” As he loolced at her, the strepent that I should want to come up impatiently. "Then perhaps you will excuse trumpets were in tune for liim for against walls? To be cither inside "Er . . . Oh, they will discov- us if Jupkey and I remove our the first time that evening, and his or outside them is to be a jirison- er a great deal from the Cliff. That clotlies and join the dance,” Belix delight rose up in his lliroat. er.” doesn’t concern me. My part of said sliilly. “Eva! . . . And your eyes as “Let us not quarrel until we the work is over. I’m just a field As they moved out onto tlie bright as ever . . . And you liave found some point of agree- worker, not an intellectual.” dance floor to greet ‘ the strepent have no man with you.” ment,” he said. ‘Here arc the "You don't reply to my sugges- trumpets, Derek heard Jupkey say "The powers of coincidence stars. Can’t we agree about them?” tion.” something of which he caught only work on your behalf.” She laughed “Jf we are both indifferent Ele looked at Belix with only the words “arrogant Earthborn.” —yes, he remembered that sound! to them,” she said, looking out and slight vexation. Belix was an un- His eyes met Jon's; he saw that —and then said more seriously, "I impudently winding his arm about glaat, one of a species that had tlie partheno had overheard also. heard you were here with Belix her. The staircase had reached the done as much as any to bring In an instinctive dismissive ges- Sapposc and his female; so I was zenith of its travels and moved about the peaceful concourse of ture of his left hand, Derek re- making the grandly foolish gesture slowly sideways along the upper tlie galaxy. His backbone branched vealed his mortification. He rose of coming to see you. You remem- edge of Eyebright. They stood on into an elaborate antler system, and began to pace round the room. ber how devoted I am to foolish the top step with night flashing from which six sloe-dark eyes sur- Often he shouldered his way gestures.” tlieir images back at them from tlie veyed Derek with unblinldng irri- through a knot of naked dancers, “So foolish?” glass. tation. Other members of the ignoring their complaints. "Probably. You have less change Eva Coll-Kennerley was a hu- ” ”

20 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION A KIND OF ARTISTRY 21 man, but not of Earthborn stock. cumulation of cosmic radiation in "Eva!" V She was a veliirc, born on the y- planetary bodies, it is correct to a “After that, our demands will be cluster worlds of the dense Third certain definable extent. She is en- .satisfied. You may then go back Not all the drifting chambers Ann of the galaxy, and her skin deavouring to show— that cellular to die Lady Mother of Ende- of Eyebright were lighted. Some was richly covered with the brown bondage can be haaven for all I care.” pleasures come more delightfully fur of her kind. Her mercurial tal- “Yes, yes, and thi,s serious talk “Eva, you know how I spurn with the dark, and these pleasures ents were employed in the same is an eyesore in Eycbright! You arc this belief, this eudemonism.” were coaxed and cossetted into research department that enjoyed locked away, Derek, doing your “Forget your creed! I’m asking fruition in shrouded halls where Bclix Sappose's more sober ones; sterile deeds of heroism and never you nothing difficult. Who are you illumination cast only the gentlest Derek had met her there on an entering the real world. Tf you to haggle? Am I fish, to be bought ripple on the ceiling and the earlier visit to Pyrylyn. Their love imagine you can live with her by the kilo, this bit selected, diis gloom was sensuous witli ylang- had been an affair of swords. much longer and then come to me, rejected?” ylang and other perfumes. Here He looked at her now and you arc mistaken. Your w'alls grow He was silent. Derek found a place to weep. touched her and could say not one higher about your ears every cen- "You don’t really need me,” he Sections of his life slid before word for himself. When she tury, till I cannot cannot — oh, it’s said at last. “You have everything him as if impelled by tlie same flashed a liquid eye at him, he es- the wrong metaphor! — cannot already: beauty, wit, sense, mechanisms that moved Eyebright. sayed an awkward smile. scale you!” warmth, feeling, balance, com- Always, one presence was there. “Because I am oriented like a Even in his pain, the textiue of fort. She has nothing. She is shal- Angrily he related to himself compass towards strong men, my her fur was joy to his warmsight. low, haunted, cold — oh, she needs how he always laboured to satisfy .” his in . lavish offer to you still holds good. Helplessly he shook head an me, Eva . her — yes, in every sphere laboured Is it not bait enough?” she asked effort to shake her clattering words “You are apologising for your- to satisfy her! And how when tliat him. away. self, not her.” satisfaction was accorded him it “I don’t think of you as a trap, "Look at you being big and She had already turned with the came as though riven from her, as Eva.” brave and silent even now! You’re supple movement of a vclurc and a spring sometimes trickles down “Then for how many more cen- so arrogant,” she said — and then, was running down the staircase. the split face of a rock. Undeni- turies are you going to refrigerate without perceptible change of tone, Lighted chambers drifted up ably tlierc was satisfaction for him your nature on Earth? You still re- “Because I still love the bit of you about them like bubbles. in drinking from that cool source main faidiful, if I recall your eu- inside the castle, I’ll make once Ilis laboured attempt to explain — but no, where was the satisfac- phemism for slavery, to your Mis- more my monstrous and petty of- his heart turned to exasperation. tion when pleasure depended on tress, to her cold lips and locked fer to you.” — He ran down after her, grasping such extreme disciplining and sub- heart?” “No, please, Eva! her arm. duing of himself? “I have no choice!” “But yes! Forget this tedious “Listen to me, will you, damn Mistress, I love and hate your "Ah yes, my debate on that mo- bondage of Earth, forget this you!” needs! tion was defeated: and more than ghastly matriarchy, live here with "Nobody in Pyrylyn would lis- And the discipline had been still her re- me. I don't want you for ever. You once, Is she pursuing ten to such masochistic nonsense such ... so long, also . . . searches into the transmutability know I am a eudemonist and judge as your.sl You are an arrogant fool, that now when he might enjoy him- of species?” by standards of pleasure — our Derek, and I am a weak-willed self far from her, he could scarcely "Oh yes, indeed. The mediaeval liaison need be only for a century one. Now release me!” strike a trickle from his own rock. idea that one species can turn into or two. In that time, I will deny As tlie next room came up, she He had walked here before, in this another was foolish in the Middle you nothing your senses may re- jumped through its entrance and city where the hedonists and eu- Ages; now, with the gradual ac- quire.” disappeared into the crowd. clemonists reigned, walked among ” ”

22 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION A KIND OF ARTISTEY 23 tlie scents of pleasure, walked He caught no more. She had practically a species apart. You can “I doubt it,” Belix said. “Ende among the ioblepharous women, sunk down among tapestries with see it all in friend Ende. As I say, may want to get away from his the beautiful guests and celebrated someone else. She was not after he’s entombed in his conditioning. claustrophobic home, but tlie same beauties, witli My Lady always in him at alll Waves of relief and re- A tragedy, Eva, but you must face forces that drive Iiim off will even- him, feeling that she showed even gret roUed over him . . . and up to it.” tually lure him back.” on his countenance. People spoke when he paid attention again, she "You're probably right, you pon- “I tell you he was on the point to him: somehow he replied. They was spcaldng his name. tifical old pop,” Jupkey said lazily. of breaking — only I broke first.” manifested gaiety: he tried to do Witli shame on him, like a woH' "Who blit an Earthborn would do "Well, as Teer Ruche said to me so. They opened to him: he at- creeping towards a camp lire, he what Derek did on Festi?” many centuries ago, only a pleas- tempted a response. All tlic time, crouched forward to listen. At "No, no!” Eva said. "Derek's ure-luitcr knows how to sha^ie a he hoped they would understand once his warmsight told him to ruled by a woman, not by condi- pleasurc-hatcr. I would say you that his arrogance masked only whom Eva spoke. He recognised tioning. He’s — were lucky he did not break; you shyness — or did he hope that it the pattern of the antlers; Belix "In Ende’s case they are one would only have had a baby on was his shyness which masked ar- was there, with Jupkey sprawled and the same thing, my dear, be- your hands.” rogance? He did not know. beside him on some elaborate kind lieve me. Consider Earth’s social Her answering laugh did not Who could presume to know? of bed. organisation. The partheno slaves ring true.

The one quality holds much of the . . useless to try again. Der- have replaced all but a compara- “My Lady of Endchaaven, then, otlier. Both refuse to come forward ek is too far entombed within him- tive handful of true Earthborns. must be the one to do it. I will and share. self,” Eva said. That handful has parcelled out never try again — though he seems He roused from his meditation “Entombed rather within his Eartli into great estates which it under too much stress to stand for knowing that Eva Coll-Kennerley conditioning,” Belix said. "We holds by a sinister matriarchalism.”— long. Oil, it’s really immoral! He was again somewhere near. She found the same. It’s conditioning, "Yes, I know, but Derek deserves better!" had not left the building, tlien! my dear.” "Derek is caught in the system. "A moral judgement from you, She was seeking him out! "However he became entombed, The Earthborns have fallen into a Eva!”, Jupkey exclaimed amusedly Derek half-rose from his posi- I still admire him enough to want mating pattern for which there is to tlie fragrant gloom. tion in a shrouded alcove. lie was to understand him." Eva’s voice no precedent. The sons of a family "My advice to you, Eva, is to baffled to think how she could was a note or two astray from its marry their mothers, not only to forget all about the poor fellow. have traced him here. On entering usual controlled timbre. perpetuate their line but because Apart from anything else, he is Eyebright, visitors were given so- "Look at it scientifically,” Belix the productive Earthborn female is barely articulate —which would nant-stones, by which tliey could said, with the weighty inflections scarce now diat Earth itself is not suit you for a season." be traced from room to room; but of a man about to produce tmtli senescent. This is what the Endes The unseen listener could bear judging that nobody would wish to out of a hat. "Eartli is tlie last have done; this is what Derek no more. A sudden rage— as much trace him, Derek had switched his bastion of a bankrupt culture. The Ende has done. His ‘mistress’ is against himself for hearing as stone off even before leaving Belix Earthborns number less than a both mother and wife to him. Giv- against them for speaking—burst Sappose’s party. couple of millions now. They dis- en tlic factor of longevity as well over him, freeing him to act. He heard Eva’s voice, its unmis- dain social graces and occasions. — well, naturally you ensure an Straightening up, he seized the takeable overtones not near, not They are served by parthenogeni- excessive emotional rigidity that al- arm of the couch on which Belix far . . . cally bred slaves, all of which are most nothing can break. Not even and Jupkey nestled, wildly suppos- ’Tou find the most impenetrable built on the same controlled ge- you, my sweet-coated Eva!” ing he could tip them onto the bushels to hide your light under netic formula. They are inbred. In “He was on the point of break- floor. consequence, they have become ing tonight!” Too late, his warmsight warned ”

24 VANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION A KIND OF ARTISTRY 25 him of the real nature of tlie I informed My Lady of the mo- the symbolism of the carp’s flight. more. Take my arm and be land to couch. Instead of tipping, it swiv- ment when his lightpusher ar- Mostly he sat compiling tlie me." elled, sending a wave of licpiid over rived and rode at orbit. In the re- spools on which he imposed the "Mistress, I always wish to be him. The two unglaals were lying ceptor bowl I watched him and tale of his life. AH one wall was kind to you. And I have all sorts in a warm bath seented with ylang- Jon come home, cutting north west covered with files full of these of things to discuss with you. ylang and other essences. across tlie emaciated wilds of Eu- spools; the arrested drumbeats of You'll want to hear what I have Jupkey .squealed in anger and rope, across Denmark, over the past centuries. From the later been doing, and — fright. Kicking out, she caught Shctlands, the Faroes, the sea, .spools I have secretly compiled "You won't leave me any more?” Derek on the shin with a Iioof; he alighting by the very edge of the this record; for all his unspoken Fie felt her hand tighten on his slipped in the oily litiuid and fell. island, by die fjord with its silent self-pity, he never knew the sick- arm. She spoke very loudly. Belix, unaided by wannsight, waters. ness of merely observing. “That was one of the things I jumped out of the bath, entangled All the while the wind lay low Wc partheiios will never under- wished to discuss later," he said. himself with Derek's legs, and also as if under some stunning male- — stand the luxuries of a divided "First let me tell you about the fell. diction, and none of our tall trees mind. Surely siillering as much as wontlerful life form with Eva was shouting for lights. stirred. which I happiness is a kind of artistry? made contact on Festi.” Other occupants of the hall cried “Where is my Mistress, Hols?”, On the day that he received a As they left the corridor and back that darkness must prevail at Derek asked me, as I went to summons from Star One to go descended the paragravity shaft, all costs. greet him and assist him out of liis upon another quest for tliem, Der- My Lady said wearily, “I suppose Picking himself up — leaving suit. ek met My Lady in tlie Blue Cor- that’s a polite way of telling me only his dignity behind —Derek “She asked me to tell you that ridor. that you are bored here." ran for the exit, abandoning the she is confined to her chambers “It is good to see you about He clutched her hands as they confusion to sort itself out as it and cannot see you, My Lord." again. Mistress," he said, kissing floated down. Then released would. He looked me in the eyes as he he her cheek. them and clutched Burniiigly, disgustedly, he made did so rarely. her face in- She stroked his hair. On her stead. his way dripping from Eyebright. “Is she ill?" nervous hand she wore one ring "Understand this, The hastening footsteps of Jon foE “No." Mistress with an amber stone; her gown mine, T love you and lowed him like an echo all the way Without waiting to remove his want to was of olive and umber. serve you. You are in blood; to the space held. suit, he hurried on into llie builtl- my “I was very upset to have you wherever I go I Soon he would be back at Fnde- ing. never can forget go away from me. The Earth is you. My dearest wish is to haaven. Though he would always Over the next two dai's, he was make dying, Derek, and I fear its loneli- you happy this you be a failure in his dealings with about but little, preferring to re- — must know. ness. You have left me alone too But equally you must other humans, there at least he main in his room. Once he wan- know that I much. However, I have recovered have needs of own.” knew every inch of his bleak al- dered among the experimental my myself and am glad to see you Grumpily said, lotted territory. tanks and cages, I saw him net a she withdrawing back." her face, "Oh, I know tliat fish and toss it into the air, watch- all “You know I am glad to see you. right. And I know those needs ENVOI ing it while it struggled into new will Smile for me and come outside for always come first with you. What- form and flew away until it was some fresh air. The sun is shin- ever you say or pretend, Had there been a spell over all lost in a jumbled background of you don’t ing." care a rap about me. You Endehaaven, it could have been cumulus; but it was plain he was make “It’s so long since it shone. Do that all too no quieter when My Lord Derek less interested in the riddles of clear." you remember how once it always She moved Ende arrived home. stress and transmutation than in ahead of him, shak- shone? I can’t bear to quarrel any ing off the hand he put on her ” —1 —

26 I'ANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION A KIND OF ARTISTRY 27

tlie words, with the look arm. He had a vision of himself His boscises twitched as he said, tell your charming friends on Pyry- With too was altered. As if running down a golden staircase “If you will forgive a clich6, 1 lyn, isn’t it? Oh, how you must of her, he first her true and stretching out that same de- apologise.” hate me!” realising for the time his fists and taining hand to another girl. The “I don’t mind what you do." Savagely he grasped her wrists. nature, he dropped staring at her sick- Midignity of having to repeat one- Walking backwards and for- She screamed to me for aid and stepped back, heel met no resist- self, century after century. wards behind her, he said, “When struggled. I came near but halted, mouthed. His part. twisted suddenly, spread '‘You’re lyingl You’re falung! I was away, I heard some people playing my usual impotent ance. He if to fly, and fell You’re being cruel!”, he said. talking. On Pyrylyn this was. He swore at her, bellowed for her out his arms as Gleaming, she turned. They were discussing the mores of to be silent, whereupon she cried over the cliff edge. “Am 1? Then answer me this our matrimonial system.” the louder, shaking furiously in Her scream pursued him dow’ii. his hit the waters aren’t you already jdanning to “It’s no business of tlicirs.” his arms. Even as body change. leave Endehaaven and me soon?” “Perhaps not. But what they He struck her across tlic face. of the fjord, it began to some sort He smote his Ihrehead. said suggested a new line of At once she was quiet. Her eyes A flurry of foam marked beneath the He said inarticulately, “Look, thought to me.” closed: almost, it would seem, in of painful struggle into you must try to stop this recrimi- She put the old badger back in ecstasy. Standing tlicrc, she had surface. Then a seal plunged the next wave, nation. Yes, yes, it’s true I am his cage without comment. the pose of a woman offering view, dived below herself. and swam towards open sea over thinking . . . But I have to — “Arc you listening, Mistress?” freshening breeze reproach myself. I could be kind- “Do go on.” “Go on, hit me! You want to hit which already a er. But you shut yourself away “Try to listen sympathetically. me!” she whispered. blew. when I come— back, you don’t wel- Consider all the history of galactic come me exploration — or even before that, "Trust you to find excuses rath- consider the explorers of Farth in er than face up to your own na- the pre-space age, men like Shack- MERCURY PRESS, Inc., 347 East 53 Street, New York 22, N. Y. FIO ture,” she said contemptuously, Icton and so on. They were brave walking briskly into tlie garden. men, of course, but wouldn’t it be Send me The Magazine of FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION. Amber and olive and umber, and strange if most of them only ven- sable of hair, she walked down the tured where they did because the I enclose $4.50 for one year $11.00 for three years. path, her outHnes sharp in the struggle at home was too much for winter air; in the perspectives of tlicm?” Name . his mind she did not dwindle. He stopped. She had turned to For some minutes he stood in him; the half-smile was whipped Address the threshold, immobilized by an- off his face by her look of fury. tagonistic emotions. “And you’re trying to tell me City Zone State Finally he pushed himself out that tliat’s how you see yourself into tlie sunlight. a martyr? Derek, how you must She was in her favourite spot hf hate me! Not only do you go away, the fjord, feeding an old badger you secretly blame me because you from her hand. Only her in- go away. It doesn’t matter tliat 1 creased attention to the badger tell you a thousand times I want suggested that she heard him ap- you here — no, it's all my fault! I proach. drive you away! That’s what you —

I'l-IERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO IN A SHOE 29

ward the bright bonfire of Alpha Shepherd, I Shall Not Want was Once upon a time, while we were waiting for a bus, an old Centauri. With his strong mascu- the first EBD ship to leave Eartii. man came along down the queue peddling Eskimo-pops. line face and sturdy well-propor- Even assuming that one of the suc- “Eskimo! Eskimo!” he cried. At the same time, from the op- tioned body, he cut a fine figure, cessive ships to leave could Iiave and passed us without posite direction, another old man appeared, hawking beygeh. and he knew it. The girls in the overtaken passenger village knew it too, and our knowledge, it could hardly “Beygels!” he colled. “Beygcis!” It was inevitable that their from the way they acted in his liavc reversed its course and be ap- paths should, intersect, and we awaited the outcome with presence you would have thought proaclring us from the opposite di- interest. Came the confrontation. The two venerable mer- that he was one of his eleven rection!” chants examined one another for a moment in silence. Then handsome sons instead of a mar- "All of which,” said Wells, en- the Eskimo-man purchased a heijgel, and the beygel-man ried man of fifty. Wells was only joying himself keenly, "suggests unmarried (o boot, but that the ship in (jucstion isn't from purchased, an Eskimo-pop. They ate their goodies, wiped their thirty, and with his flabby-cheeked face and Earth.” mouths, then continued on their ways: “Eskimo! Eskimo!” frail frame, he cut as sorry a fig- “That’s blasphemy, Mr, Wells!” “Beygels! Beygels!” The pertinence of this fascinating anec- ure as the. captain did a line one. “No it isn't— it’s logic. It’s all dote to the story below awaits only your reading to he made The girls in the passenger village very well to insist that Earth is clear. knew that loo, and from the way the chosen planet and that it and they acted in his presence you it alone is inhabited by intelligent would have thought that he was beings and to admit of no other something the Gardener had found possibility; but a ship is a ship is a THERE WAS OLD on the bottom of one of the hydro- ship is a ship, and has to come AN WOMAN this ponic tanks. from somewhere. So if one WHO LIVED IN A SHOE At the navigator's desk, Niles, didn’t come from Eartli, it must the navigator, was rcchecldng The have come from some place else,” Lord Is My Shepherd, 1 Shall Not “That's enough of your wild by Robert F, Young Want's course. Stepping around surmising, Mr. Wells!” An ardent the desk. Wells handed the captain propagationist, the captain had no the report. "Unusual, wouldn’t you use whatsoever for neo-Malthusi- say, sir?’’ he asked. ans, and whenever he pulled rank Alpha Centauri had yet to passengers (at the last count) and Captain Ramm’s pale blue eyes on one, he did so with a ven- resolve into two suns when the one hundred and two crewmem- made short work of the terse little geance. "As soon as this precious blip that later came to be known bers were legion, but he did not paragraph. “What’s so unusual object of yours comes witliin as "The Mark of Maltlius” ap- consider any matter to be beneatli or so important— about a meteor depth-scanning range, see to it peared on the matter-detector his personal attention provided it that won't come withiji ten thou- that tire necessary steps are taken screen of The Lord Is My Shep- justified his disdain for positive sand miles of us?” to ascertain its true nature. Until herd, I Shall Not Want. Wells, tiiinking or could be used in any "It’s not a meteor,” Wells said. then, keep your whimsical specula- the first mate, happened to be way to bug die captain. The blip “Its mass-velocity ratio indicates it tions to yourself!” present in the radar room at the fell into both categories, and rep- to be a spaceship.” "Aye, aye, sir.” time, and took the ^eport up to resented a handsome find indeed. The captain about-faced. "Non- Wells saluted, and left the the bridge himself. His duties Captain Ramm was standing in sense, Mr. Wells! You know as bridge. Before returning to the ra aboard a spaceship with a pay- front of the bridge viewplatc, look- well as I do that The Lord Is My dar room, he took tire lift u|) tu load of three thousand and four ing out across the immensities to-

28 —

30 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED IN A SHOE 31

Little Heaven, climbed into the Flalf”, "Seniority”, and "Dr, bridge. Captain Ramm was in con- My Shepherd, 1 Shall Not Want, patrol 'copter and made his daily Spock”. Now they came right out versation with the navigator, or, and I’ve taken advantage of this aerial inspection of tlie ship's vil- and called him by his right name, more accurately, the navigator brief period of proximity and ar- lage. The ship's village pre-empted and weren't in tlie least ashamed was on the receiving end of a ranged a telegam between you and eighty percent of the huge sphere's to put the words of the Good Book propagatioiiist pep-talk. "The neo- the other captain. In a few sec- interior and was everything a in his mouth. Malthusians to the contrary, Mr. onds his face will appear on your ship’s village should be. There Wells was, though. However, he Niles,” Captain Ramm was saying, personal viewscreen, and yours will were houses and lawns and trees. was one of tliose unfortunate per- "we arc' not sheep stampeding appear on Iiis. The language cor- There was an elementary school, a sons who have just enough intelli- senselessly toward a cliff, all the relator will see to it tliat the liis- high school, a university, and a gence to disapprove of the status wliilc pretending Uiat the cliff isn’t toric remarks which both of you space academy. There was a li- quo, but not quite enough to be there. Babies arc man’s birthright, will undoubtedly utter are con-

brary, a park, a hospital, a sun, a able to do anything about it. and it is liis boundcii duty to cre- veyed correctly to one another’s sky, and a supermarket. True, the Such a dilemma invariably makes ate as many of tlicm as he pos- ears.” Wells handed a note to the supermarket was a front for a ra- cynics out of tIio.se Impaled upon sibly can. That is why God-Of-Our- navigator. "Adjust the screen to tion-distribution center, and the its horns, and it was Wells’ cyni- Choice put him upon the face of these co-ordinates, Niles.” sky was as phony as the sun was, cism, combined with his unpopu- the earth and made the face of the Niles did so. Meanwhile, the but the village was still a pleasant larity with women, that had led earth green and filled the earth thundercloud that had gathered on place for the successive genera- him into the beseiged camp of the with good things for him to dig up the captain’s forehead took on a tions of passengers — the sixth was Last of tlie neo-Malthusians, and and make shiny things out of. And darker hue. "Flow dare you over- your authority, Wells!” just coming into being^— to raise it was his cynicism, combined with just ill case the good things should step Mr. their children and worship the god tlie burdensome and all-biit-extin- ever happen to run out and the he demanded. "You —you advocate of tlieir choice. guislied torch he had elected to greenness go away, God-Of-Our- of the devil, you!” exigencies of situation The church where they wor- carry, that had inspired the little Choice made Alpha Centauri "The the

choice, sir . . . shipped the god of their choice game he had come to call "Bugging Three so that man would have an- leave me no stood in the center of the village The Captain". other place to go on propagating I’here's the other captain now.” features, square and was called, appropri- Upon his return to the radar himself on . . . Yes, Mr. Wells?” Despite its unusual the ately enough, The God-Of-Our- room, he was informed by the op- "I have ascertained the true na- face that had popped into being Choice Church. The God-Of-Our- erator-on-duty that the approach- ture of the approaching object,” on the screen was subtly human. Choice had come into his own long ing UFO was not yet within depth- Wells said humbly. "Would the The forehead was extremely high, captain interested in find- and slanted ouhvard into a blunt before the departure of The Lord scanning range, but that it would be my and bridgelcss nose. Just beneath Is My Shepherd, 1 Shall ISlot Want, be shortly. Wells spent tlic inter- ings?” and had superseded all other gods vening time breaking down the Captain Ramm regarded him the nose was a small chinless mouth, on either of the before him. Actually, people had information he wanted into a series blankly for a moment. Then, "Ob, and side been worshipping him ever since of pertinent questions, then he you mean the meteor. Very well forehead — or perhaps the nose; it difficult to tell where one left the middle of the twentieth cen- punched out the questions on a proceed, Mr. Wells.” was to be spaceship, off the other a tury, but they had called him by scannercard and fed the card into "It ballpens a and began —was before a It BB-like eye. ears were different names, such as "Secur- the slot. Finally, at the operator's as I said — not meteor. round, The also to a spaceship pointed, and set very high on the ity”, "Medical Aid for the Aged”, signal, lie turned on the machine. happens be very much like our own. In a mo- head, and between them sat a "Pension Plan”, "Federal Aid”, It was an elated first mate who, it will reach its point of round object that disconcertingly “Parity”, "Two Cars in every Ga- some fifteen minutes later, pound- ment nearest approach to The Lord Is resembled an ojEficer’s kepi. rage”, “Fast Buck”, "Time-and-a- ed up the companionway to the 32 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED IN A SHOE 33

another, equally irresponsi- come their excess children. But "Captain Scjuecl spealcing,” the well past the halfway point in its expect to for and both civilizations are going to have alien said in a high-pitched voice. journey, while theirs has yet to ble, old woman pay — to grow up and act their age." “I demand to IcnovY your destina- reach the halfway point. Since our vice versa.” can’t turn back,” Niles There was a thoughtful as well tion!” two velocities arc almost identical, "But we said. as a rueful expression on the cap- Captain Ramm was in the midst that means that wc left Earth al- course can’t and tain’s face. “That alien made me of a very bad moment. Neverthe- most half a century before they "Of we — there’s no reason we should. think of a rat,” he said. less, he rose to the occasion ad- left Alplia Centauri Three." why Alpha Centauri Three civiliza- Wells smiled. It was his mo- mirably. "Captain Ramm speak- Captain Squecl’s image began to The tion will welcome us. They’ll wel- ment in the sun, and he was en- ing," was what he came back willi. fade as the two ships drew rapidly come us for the simple reason that joying it to tlie full. “He looked "I demand to know your destina- apart. "Then all we’re doing is ex- tliey’ll that if they don’t, the more like a Guinea pig to me,” tion!” changing places,” he said in a sort know Sol Three civilization won’t wel- he said. "Sol Three," said Captain of despairing sqiieck. Squcel. Captain Ramin’s face hxikcd "Alpha Centauri Tlirce,” said like the decline and fall of the Ro- Captain Ramm. man Empire. "I’m afraid that’s

For a moment the two officers wliat it amounts to," he said. gawked at each other. Then, "But Then, remembering his nolile cnll- you can't go to Sol Three — there’s •ing, "Bou voyage, Captain Squecl." no room for you there!” said Cap- "Bon voyage, Captain Ramm.” tain Ramm. Tlie screen ivent blank. "But you can’t go to Alpha Cen- A silence settled on the bridge. tauri Three — there’s no room for Wells broke it. "There’s an ancient you there!” said Captain Squccl. nursery rliyme about an old woman "I demand to know the iiurpose w’ho lived in a shoe and who had of your voyage!” shouted Captain so many children she didn’t Icnow Ramm. what tn do,” he said. "To my "I demand to know the pur- knowledge, she never tried to pose of yours!” squealed Captain solve her proldcm, but if she had, Squcel. she probal^ly would have proceed- "The purpose of both,” Wells ed on the assuiniition that some- interposed, "is the alleviation of where there was another shoe, and population pressures through the have sent her excess children out founding of new colonies. Don’t to look for it. It’s fortunate that you see, Captain Ramm? They’re she didn’t try, for if her excess in the same boat we are." children had found another shoe,

"Impossible I Two different races they would have found it inhab- on two different planets couldn’t ited by anotlier old woman who possibly suffer simultaneous popu- had so many children she didn’t lation crises!" know what to do. Irresponsibility "Nor did they," said Wells. “Our in the matter of offspring isn’t a excess-population dispersal ship is shortcoming one old woman can —

TWENTY-rOUR HOURS IN A PRINCESS’s LIFE, WITH FROGS 35

Our mind is as broad as the next man’s (and, increasingly, firmed again only an hour or so cess Aurora, munching a buttercup perhaps, our waiste-line, too), but we vieiu with equally in- earlier. cake. "But Rapunzd’s right,” she wall, told Petunia. "Look at me. bun- creasing dismay the growing teiulency to have story titles as "Mirror, mirror, on the A who is the fairest one of all?” She dle of nerves. I can’t get my mind long as the stories themselves. Only the conviction that Mr. had asked, idly, in passing. It had off Old Mother Mellificent’s curse. Don White, perpetrator of the outrage below, is a funny man, replied with some idiotic rhyme, Even my analyst dreams about persuaded us to buy his story and pocket the cash-in value of completely lacking in metre, to the spinning wheels. You. You haven’t his International Reply Coupons for ourselves. We rejected, effect that she was, in fact, the a care in the world.” you will be encouraged to hear, his next submission, which he fairest one of all. “What about me, though,” "That’s nice,” she had mused, signed Princess Beauty. “Saddled had the presumption to entitle “Eril, Ethel, Maude, Zelda, “but after all, life ought to hold with an absolute Beast of a hus- Kilty, Tidip and Vanessa and the Leprechaun.” He says of more for a girl than first prize in band. I spend all my time won- “For the himself: first sixteen years of my life I was a normal, a cornucopian beauty contest.” dering how I’m going to pay the maladjusted Londoner. Then I won a junior essay competi- fn fact, she had brought up the veterinary surgeon’s bills. it’s not fault, girls,” tion which boosted my life savings to the grand total of £23. subject at her Wednesday after- “Well, my with the girls. said Petunia, petulantly. “Blame This, I thought, would be as good a sum as any to finance a noon "The daily Mirror says I’m the muddle-headed Aunt Prue, the round-the-iDOrld tour. And it was. For the past ten years I fairest one of all again . . Petu- Good Witch of the West. She have been creating international situations in Panama, play- nia began, conversationally, pour- gave me LEISURE as a christen- ing bit parts in Ilimlustani movies, editing a film page in a ing a nectar cocktail. ing present, and I’ve been bored Suva (Figi) weekly, and touting for a money changer in Cey- "Congratulations!” said Prin- to death ever since.” cess Charming (formerly a com- "Oh, we’re back on that again, lon. 1 also found time to acquire a unique collection of opera moner called Cinderella). She are we,” snapped Aurora. "We’re records (and opera singers), give lectures, write innumerable was tlie very nicest person in the going to waste another Wednes- articles and a purely terrestrial travel book (‘Get Up and Go’, whole land. Everybody, of course, day reliving precious Princess Pe- Wingate’s London, 1959). I became inspired, Fantasy-wise, hated her. tunia’s christening! It’s all you whilst travelling in the luggage racks of third-class Indian "Well, I’m not a bit surprised,” ever talk about. Well, I have it on Rapiinzel said, grudg- very good authority that some of trains. All my characters are drawn from life (this always Princess ingly. "You’ve not got a dam, the most questionable fairies in makes people wonder about me—and my friends!") blam thing to do all day but lay town got together at that shin- back at the Slenderella salon or dig!” Silhouette. Me, I’m forever muck- “At least it didn’t end up a TWENTY-FOUR HOURS IN A ing about witli this horrid hair Tchaikowskian orgy,” Petunia re- just think, thirty three feet long torted, heatedly. PRINCESS'S LIFE, WITH FROGS and my prince still hasn’t come. "Please don’t quarrel,” said Charming. And now . . . dandruff,” she Cinderella moaned. "Who asked you?” Aurora by Don White "Have you tried Max Factor's snarled, purple-faced. “You . . . ‘Wing of Bat and Eye of Toad you upstart, you! Don’t worry, Princess Petunia was far Hans Christian Andersonville. As Lotion’? They say it’s spider-web we’ve all got your fairy prince and away the prettiest princess in a matter of fact, tliis had been con- sifted for extra purity,” said Prin- taped.” 34 36 FANTASY AND SCIENCli FICTION TWENTY-FOUR HOURS IN A PRINCESS’S LIFE, WITH FROGS 37

Princess Charming burst into “It’s a frog!” she said. The Queen was in the parlour the sixteen mattresses. that last Petunia the tears, pushed her toadstool away And, indeed, it was. eating bread and honey. “Get At entered from the table, said "tliank you for The frog looked up at her, monster out of here,” she bedroom looking lovelier than the table to having me” and fled, weeping, pop-eyed with fright. “Croak," it screamed, standing on any person should he allowed down the ivory steps of Petunia's said. and holding up her skirts. “Get it look. palace. Petunia looked down at the out, do you hear! The family She slipped between the silk- Petunia, Aurora, Beauty and little green creature and said, “You wedding ring is in the cookie jar soft sheets, then murmured, al- Rapimzcl helped themselves to arc trying to tell me something.” —if the. knave of hearts hasn’t most whispered to her lady in an Ambrosia and tonic and “Croak,” repeated the frog. stolen it again —and the Grand waiting. “My husband?” sighed. “There she goes again,” “I know!” Petunia cried, ex- Vizier will marry you, but GET “He’s in the washbasin, my said Petunia, ringing a bluebell citedly. “I know! You’re really a THAT TOAD OUT OF HEREI” lady,” she curtsied. “I’ll fetch for the butler. handsome prince.” “Take no notice,” cooed Petu- him.” “Clean up that mess on the “Croak?” nia to the frog. “She nearly got Silver moonlight filtered palace steps,” she ordered. “It’s “And Zclda, the Wicked eaten once by a dragon —when through the turret window. Petu- she’s about time the Good Housekeep- Witch of the East has put a spell she was a virgin — and had nia threw off her golden gossamer ing committee did something on you.” this mental bloc ever since." gown and clutched tlie frog to about glass slippers,” "Croak!” said the panic-strick- “Do you, Petunia Purcheart, her pearl-white breast. “I love you, But Petunia felt sad as the en frog, trying to leap back into his take this frog to be your awfully, frog-husband,” she sang, and then girls drove away in their crystal lily pond. lawfully wedded husband?” she unbound her hair, to let the coaches. Rapunzcl’s dandruff, But Petunia clutched the poor, “You bet! I mean, I do,” she re- long braids fall free and flowing Beauty’s beast, Aurora’s spinning damp thing the tighter and went plied. over her languid, lovely shoulders. wheel complex. She sighed. At on, ecstatically. "And you’re look- Then: “Oh, you doll!” she said “I love you, frog-husband,” she to the frog after the sang, again. least, tliey have something to fill ing for someone to love you, and ceremony, Next morning, tlieir lives. when you find that someone, then waltzing around and around in a happy smile ballroom to tlie strains of the suffused Petunia was finding life in the spell will be broken and you’ll the Petunia’s face as the Hans Christian Andersonville be a handsome prince once more.” Theme from Snowwhite and the first rays of the summer sun her- pretty grimm. “Croak, croak, croak!” said the Seven Dwarfs. alded a bright, new day. She "I’m so lonely,” she thought, frog, in a high-pitched croak, but “We’ll have the party tomor- yawned sleepily, then blushed, row,” Petunia said, gaily, “you remembering that she was a poignantly. Petunia would hear none of it, That evening she decided to and kissed him happily on the know . . . when you’re . . . well, bride.

after . . . oh, she she called, gently, take a stroll into the enchanted snout. Then she slipped him into YOU know,” and “Husband,” giggled. “But I’d better give as she opened her eyes to see wood at tire foot of her magic her beaded evening bag, and Leda ... the same.” beside her a frog. garden. started back to the palace. a ring, all ... Petunia’s chief lady in waiting She hid herself beneath the When she came to Wishing The King was in his counting laid out the most beautiful gos- silken sheet. “Oh!” she screamed. Tree Glen, she took off her golden house, counting all his money. samer nightgown of all, and tlie “You LIED!” slippers and paddled her feet in “Daddy, I want you to meet chambermaid made sure there "Croak,” said tlie frog, with a the pixie pool. my fiance,” said Petunia, happily, smile. "Croak.” Suddenly, magically, the wa- producing the frog. wasn’t a single pea under any of ter broke into myriad moonlit rip- “Very good, very good, my ples and something wet, and un- dear,” said the king. "Go and talk pleasant, landed in her lap. to your mother about it.” —

38 INQUEST IN KANSAS It has been far too long since ive heard from Mildred Clin- (A Modern American Ballad) german, loho returns now with a tale of an old woman with unlikely powers, a young woman too much in love, an angel who was not, and allied curious matters, all of which lead to a deer you CORONER It was not saw, you say, an unusual blow-up. That beckoned beyond the com? FIELD HANDS The creature she followed that fearful day Was a thing with a single horn. CORONER She never mentioned she knew his kind— MEASURE MY LOVE A tiling with a single horn— Yet she left without casting a glance behind At the field.s where you mowed the corn? by Mildred Clingerman

FIELD HANDS She had been known as a faithful wife Yet she bounded through the com As though she had waited all her life To THIS DAY THERE ARE PEO- point out the madness of such be- For the thing with the single horn. plc in Plumfield who choose to be- havior. Who, today, would dare CORONER Could a mother who loved beyond compare lieve that my cousin, Althea, and question my sanity? There’s an- The children she had borne I murdered Maude Gillyflower, other and better reason for telling Orphan them in charity’s care and then deliberately set fire to the the truth of what happened that For a thing with a single horn? old house called “Passageway." night at Passageway: Somebody For fifteen years I have Icept my may come forward with informa- FIELD HANDS It was not love that lured her away counsel and referred the more im- tion as to the whereabouts of From the fields that were yellow with corn pertinent gossips to famesi 1: 26 Maude Gillyflower. I, for one, To leave her children, her husband slay, of the First very grateful for But a thing with a single horn. and to Mr. Tidrow would be even an Bank of Plumfield. In justice to inkling, and have instructed Mr. CORONER Why did you not move and ^irevent her escape Althea and myself I could not do Tidrow, our bank President, to When you .saw there was blood on the corn? less; but a full accounting must supply all informants witli a crisp

FIELD HANDS Made helpless as scarecrows, we scarcely could gape wait, I thought, till Judgment five dollar bill. Address all com- For fear of the tiling witli tlie hom. Day, since neither Althea nor I munications, please, to the First

Plumfield. I CORONER But did she intend to hit his head cared to end our days in the Bank of Mind you, When she threw her fork in the com? County Insane Asylum, which is have no assurance that Maude Did she know her husband was lying dead where folks go who insist on ex- would either be willing or able to When she followed the thing with the hom? plaining the inexplicable. administer a world-cure — she’s However, I reckoned without such a cross-grained old biddy FIELD HANDS We saw the thing hand her a fork my host —which simply means I but she does know a way out, and Which she brandished at us in scorn never dreamed there’d come a day I mean to take it . . .if she can (With a strength that she never had for work) when all the world would be living be found. Then she followed the thing with the horn. cheek-by-jowl with the inconceiv- To begin witli, Althea fell in —FIyacinthe Hill able, and scarcely a voice raised to love. Practically everything in Al-

39 ” ” —

MEASURE MY LOVE 41 40 TANTASY AND SCIKNCE FICTION beautiful and desirable by most a witch’s cauldron? Please recall, thca’s life has begun with her fall- better lunch than any of those little men, and it is to her credit that Althea, that you are very ing in love. According to the latest messes you buy in a New York I she is well-liked by most women, younger than I am, and though I’ve from her she’s still restaurant. She to admit letter had had that. once they’ve discovered she never may not be any beauty. I'm far it, having a wonderful Afterwards, I sign doing and hung a on trespasses on private property. In from resembling an old granny- Only once, that I know of, the front door: Not Disturb. — time. Do this case, Altliea said, love had witch tills tedious has she failed to enjoy (Plumfield is used to it, and kind- sneaked up and sandbagged her Althea didn’t smile at my ruf- tremors, and ly state of traumas, allows me a few spinster pecu- before she could decently duck fled hen act, as I’d meant her to. transgressions. That was the time liarities.) I pulled down the out — she’d had to finish the run She just stopped rocking and all the way from New blinds in tlie parlor, I she came and listened of the play, but die moment it looked at me with wet tormented riumlicld stood in to Althea till York to and my she finally ran down. closed she’d fled to Plumfield, in eyes. I couldn’t stand it. I let my her hands like a At first as 1 listened I parlor wringing was inclined hopes that I’d have handy a good tongue run on, while I tried to Macbeth. (Al- high school Lady to dismiss the whole thing as just homemade cure. think of a good cure for love. actress, and usually a another of Althea’s thea is an loop-thc-loops. "I had to get away,” she said. (Some part of me wanted to laugh than that.) She has always w’rilten better one me volumi- "I was scared to death I’d invite — hard and sharp and ironically, "What’s ailing you?’’ 1 asked nous letters, and here .she was in the old him to bed and he’d accept . . . like the hero used to do out of the her. I didn’t even get up using some of the same words or refuse. Dodie, think of some- melodramas when he was being holding rocking chair. I was my she’d written to glorify oilier idio- thing. I’ve got six weeks till we flint-eyed and brave.) she hates cat, I'homasina, and cies of hers which were supposed start rehearsing the new play. If I “If,” I said, “you are thinking being dumped suddenly. to be love. But long before she don't go back armed to the teeth of that tonic I sent you last spring “I’m in love,” Althea said. “Do- finished I realized that this time with amulets and anti-Iovc po- after you had the flu, and that die, you’ve got to help me.” really was different, If some of tlie tions, I'm sunk. I managed to stag- herb tea I sent for your friend with "You sound like a sick cat,” I words were tlie same, so what? For ger through these last few weeks, tlie gout —why, I had nothing to if you were, I could centuries have stuff. said. "Now, — peoxile been confius- simply because I could do that do with brewing the I take you to Maude Gillyflower ing themselves and each other whole damn play in my sleep. bought it off Maude Gillyflower. I Althea swayed, and her face with the same old slippery words Just the same, I was warned to get guess you don’t know her. Several tinned the pale green of an inside for all varieties of “love,” The dif- a good, long rest and stop looking years ago, after old bachelor Gilly- cabbage leaf. I dumped Thoma- ference, this time, lay in all the like Whistler’s Mother, or tliey’d flower died —we g«ess he died, got Althea to bed, not things Althea did not sina and say. There replace me . . but nobody ever found his body even stopping to scold about the was no gush; there were no extrav- Althea stood at tlie window, Maude showed up and proved to lipstick she'd no doubt smear all agant declarations, no frills. The shredding the leaves of my best the bank’s satisfaction that she over my best pillow shps. 1 don’t facts were brought forth as bald as rose geranium and flipping ciga- was his heir. She took right up believe in lovesickness. I made an egg. rette ashes on the aspidistra. where the old man left off, grow- Altliea admit she hadn’t had any Althea was in love with a mar- “Unhand my pot plants,” I said, ing every kind of herb in that big food for at least twenty-four hours, ried man. A happily married man, “and sit down in that rocking chair garden and treating all the sick and little sleep for even longer. I with a family. A man who was not and rock hard while I think. animals in the township. Some- fed her some good hot, homemade rich or particularly handsome or That’s an order. You smoke too times she mixes doses for sick hu- soup and gave her a draught of even very young. He liked Althea. much, and it’s hard to smoke when mans, too, if she’s in the mood.” sleeping medicine and refused to I gathered he liked her quite a lot; you're rocking at a good clip. An- Althea was rocking again and heed her broken, tearful attempts and under otlier circumstances, other thing. Where did you get the at least half-listening, so I kept to talk. I let her sleep next day till perhaps, he could have loved her. crazy notion that I’m handy with talking. almost noon and then gave her a Althea, I might add, is considered 42 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION MEASURE MY LOVE 43

''When folks are over-blessed “Let’s go see her," Althea said. gardens was built on tlie site of an Althea. Most people do, if given a witli kittens they take them to "I believe he’s over at the county older house which burned to tlic choice. Maude to be dispatched. She's got seat today”, I said absently. ground during the Civil War. The “I need help,” Althea said. She the whole town trained to bring ‘What’s the matter with you, other house had been surrounded, and Maude stood looking at each her any starving strays. Once, oh Dodie?’’ Althea was staring at me too, by a high wall just as the other. I wanted to pinch Althea years ago, she heard that old Judge witli something like real interest. “new" one was, which made it for speaking right out that way, Murray had drowned a batch of “I said let’s go see Maude Gilly- ideal, they say, for hiding runa- first thing. kittens in the creek. She met him flower. Anything to keep moving. way slaves, before they were "Yes, I guess you do,” Maude on Main Street one morning and That rocking chair makes me sea- passed on' to other stopovers on said, and she grinned a little on threatened to thrash him with her sick . . . Besides, do you suppose the underground railway, to be one side of her face. “It’s all right,” umbrella if he didn’t pledge him- she might know a remedy? I’ve set free somewhere up North. Gil- she said to me. “Come on in.” self right then never to do such a heard of a plant called ‘heartsease.’ lyflowers had built both the origi- She led us up the wide, grav- thing again . . . She’s crazy What’s that?’’ nal house and the one that re- elled path, but she seemed to hesi- about cats, you can see that— the '‘Pansies," I said. "And I don’t placed it. Maude was the last of tate at the door. “Oh, well,” she only thing she brought to Passage- think it will work. Okay, come on. them, I suppose, though she may said, “It’s hot on the west veranda. way, so far as 1 know, was a tall, But kindly pretend for tlic first have left relatives behind her Better come inside.” I was pleased. marble cat she’s got set up in the five minutes that v'c’ve come to buy when she moved to Plumfiekl. No- For all my years in Plumfiekl and garden. But she’s just as foolish catnip for Thomasina. I don’t body knew, certainly. We didn’t for all the plums and herbs I’d about any animal. Why, she even know bow Maude's going to take even know where Maude had bought off her, Maude had only likes chickens To this . ... my notion, love-potion routine . . and come from, because Maude almost once invited me in — it was rain- there isn’t anything sillier than a she'll be surprised that any rela- never answered personal questions. ing —and then I’d waited in the chicken. Once 1 took her out a tive of mine could believe in such Althea parked the car before the hall. Old bachelor Gillyflower had couple of nice, dressed pullets for foolishness. I am, too, as a matter locked gate and waited quietly been even more inhospitable, con- her Sunday dinner. She practi- of fact. You never used to be so enough while I rang the bell. In ducting all business at the gate. cally slammed the door in my face. superstitious, Althea. What's hap- the still, hot afternoon we could The parlor was cool, but so Said she “wasn’t in the habit of pened to you?" hear it clanging somewhere inside dark you could barely make out eating her friends’’. She’s a vege- "I told you. I’m in love.” the big house. Somewhere, too, the big, bulky furniture. Maude tarian, we found out . . Well, i’d asked for it. I was so chickens clucked and sang tlicir twitched a drapery aside a little Althea stopped rocking and be- disgusted with myself I didn’t hot weather song, and laid over and we managed to find our way gan pacing again. I was at my have a word to say during the this homely sound, we heard a to chairs. One thing I noticed wits’ end and tired of babbbng of drive out to Passageway. Althea piercing, sweet whistling as if right away: Every house has a dis- Maude Gillyflower. Would it be drove fast, which I don’t like, and Passageway housed a giant canary tinctive smell, but Passageway’s possible to start a backfire, maybe? we raised a cloud of dust behind bird. It seemed a long time before was the queerest yet. It smelled Mentally I reviewed Plumfield’s us on tlie country road, but I was a rattling of keys announced like a waiting room in a railroad eligible bachelors. There weren’t glad we needn’t walk, as I usually Maude’s arrival. The big gate station. It smelled like hot ma- many. How about young Lawyer did, for it was a hot and sultry swung back and Maude’s stout chine oil and damp leather, wet Howard? But he was such an old day with the odor of the late sum- little figure confronted us, none dogs, ozone, and chicken feathers. woman . . . finicking little white mer, dusty greenness hanging too hospitably. It smelled, too, of lean, vegetarian hands, forever flicking at imagi- heavy in the air. “Now what?” Maude said, lift- salads — I could fairly picture nary spots of dust and fluttering The house. Passageway, with ing her chin at me by way of a gaunt meals of cottage cheese on his over floral arrangements. its ten acres of plum trees and greeting, but she was looking at limp lettuce leaves. The medicinal ” ” ”

44 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION MEASURE MY LOVE 45 smell of herbs, of course, hovered Maude snorted. “At this point into the two, large flanking wings. enough. Maude dropped what she over all. I was trying to make out you don’t know what it is. Hush, Come to think of it, Passageway was doing and turned suddenly to why the room had that transient now, while I go warm up the ." was built very much like a bird in stare at us. "Do you mean to tell odor, when Maude turned around transformer . . At least, that’s flight. But we continued straight me you two just blundered here?” and caught me sniffing. what I thought she said. towards the back of the house. Althea and I stared blankly “Well, Dodie," she said, "we’re Maude closed the door firmly on Maude opened a door into a room back at her and then nodded in glad that long nose is good for behind her when she left the room, filled with machiner}'. I couldn't unison. something.” But she sounded tran- hut after a while I got up and make out what kind of machinery It was Maude’s turn to laugh. quil and imoffended. opened it just a little and peeked looked a great deal like X-ray I thought she'd never stop. I didn’t Althea, when Maude began to into the next room, which was — it equipment in spots, but most hor- like the sound of it. And when question her, answered as simply dark, too, but appeared to be a ridly like electric chairs in others. she could talk, she still sounded as a child. To my surprise, Maude spacious, formal dining room. The The floor was covered with coils of hysterical dangerously so. “And didn’t act the least bit shocked tabic was big enough for a ban- — heavy cable and there was a wouldn’t you have been sur- that we’d come to her asking for a quet, There was a soft, rustling switchboard over on one side, with prised,” Maude said. "Such a pret- love cure. She seemed to take it as movement in the darkest corner. I

a monstrous tangle of wires and ty meado^v . . . pin]{ and white her due and even behaved as if squinted, but at first I couldn’t

tubes above it. flowers . . . and nothing to do she were seriously considering make out what it was. It was big. Maude kicked a stool in my di- but browse with the rest of them. what might be done. I couldn't Bigger than I am. Then I almost rection. “Sit,” she said. "And be Because I meant to send you tliere, understand it at all, knowing how shrieked aloud. Instead 1 slammed

quiet." if you had it bad . . . and maybe impatient she usually was with the door in my own face and stood “VV-wliat are you going to do?” you wouldn’t have come back, or human trials and human errors. there gulping. Althea shrank timidly in the direc- wanted to. Lots don’t. Oh, but the But then I noticed she was treat- Althea looked at me, startled. ?” tion of the door, which Maude had surprise of it all!” She started to ing Althea as gently as if Althea “Dodie, what— locked. laugh again, I couldn’t stand it were a sick kitten, lost and strayed “An angel?” I said stupidly. “In "Do?” Maude looked up in sur- any longer. and unloved. She liked Althea! the dining room?” prise. “I thought you knew. I’m “Shut up,” I said. “Be so good I began to feel better, myself. Maude came slipping in by an- going to measure your love. How as to let us out of this Rube Gold- “There is a plant,” Maude said, other door. Althea was laughing, can I treat you if I don't know berg nightmare before I scream “but it doesn’t grow here at all. really laughing this time. “Are you how bad it is?” my head off. I don’t understand all Has little pink and white flowers, entertaining an angel unaware?” Althea looked at me as if seek- this nonsense, but I don’t intend star-shaped. You make a tisane she asked Maude. .” ing reassurance. I suppose my to stop here long enough to find out of the dried blossoms . . Maude glared at me. “I never — smile was ghasdy. “She’s going to out what She paused. “For bad cases, entertain unaware,” she said. “If measure your love,” I squeaked. “Scream and bedamned, Do- though, it’s always better if you you must know, I’m keeping a sick Althea looked faint, but I saw die,” Maude said. “Nobody'll hear chew the flowers fresh-picked . . swan in the dining room, and I’ll her face tighten and smooth out you. You know tliat. And I can’t Althea laughed, just the way thank you to stop snooping, Dodie,

again as it does before she goes on let you go . . . yet. I’ve got to tliink rd thought of laughing— sharp or go home.” stage. She became all-actress. Her what to do about this mix-up. and quick, without humor. “Pink “Follow me,” Maude said to Al- voice was warm and interested. Come on over to the kitchen witli and white flowers,” she said. thea, but taking me by the arm “Of course. Tell me, Miss Gilly- me and we’II have some tea. You “Miss Gillyflower, I must tell you. and marching me along beside — flower, do you do this often? It must give me time to consider This isn’t any little pink and white her. The main hall at Passageway looks fascinating — love.” branched at one point to lead off But Althea’s act wasn’t good My first thought on entering ”

46 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION MEASURE MY LOVE 47

Passageway’s kitchen was: this is attention. Jiad said: my Maude “I don’t lilce your tone,” I said, Althea was bending over me one of the old-fashioned woman- I’ve never killed a creature yet, on “And if you mean to explain tliis then. I was stretched out on the killing kind. With Maude looking purpose. mishmash, start at the beginning. kitchen floor, wilh my skirt hiked grim and purposeful now, I What about all those kittens But first, tell me this: What have up to my thighs. I kept trying to wished I hadn’t thouglit it. When and aged dogs she'd been dispatch- you done with all the kittens, all pull my sldrt down and Althea she set tlie steaming tea before us ing for years? It’s not a job I’d these years?” kept pressing me back. This I couldn’t help sniffing it to see if care for. It’s one of tliose tasks you "Dispatched them.” Maude seemed to go on for a long time. it contained some strange exotic reluctantly concede are necessary, grinned. "On the regular run. Finally I said sternly, “This is a poison. but you try not to think about it There aren’t enough cats on earth very silly dream, Don’t you think “Don’t be a fool, Dodie," Maude often. I could never get it through to satisfy the demand. They’re the it’s about Lime the scene shifted?" said, “I’ve never killed a creature my head that those merciful ones favorite pets of several worlds. Althea let me up then, but tlie yet, on purpose.” w’ho put animals out of their mis- Trouble is, they won’t breed some scene didn’t shift. Maude and the I relaxed a little and drank my ery love them more than 1. places . . . too contented.” She angel w'cre gone, and the kitchen tea. Both Maude and Althea “You’ll have to stay here to- turned to Althea. “It may surprise door stood open. Otherwise, every- seemed lost in calculating thoughts night,” Maude said suddenly. “If you to learn lliat there are places thing looked the same. from the expression on their faces. I let you leave now, you’ll go back where sex is about as necessary as “Dodie, arc you all right?” Al- After I'd looked over Uiat kitchen to town and decide it’s your duty teats on a boar hog." thea asked. for a while, maybe my face looked to raise some kind of hue and Altlica reddened; I was so "Oh, certainly,” I said. I must the same way. Over on a table by cry.” I started to protest. "All taken-iip with the crazy things have sounded bitter, because Al- the stove were stacked dozens of right, Dodie, maybe you wouldn’t, Maude was implying I wondered thea laughed. Maude came in with trays. Beside them, laid out in but 1 can’t risk it. Not at the mo- how Althea could sit there blush- a bottle of green medicine. She sectioned boxes, I saw heaps of ment. You know too much and ing at the words Maude used. poured some in a teaspoon and silverware, just like the arrange- too little. I can’t chance any in- I slapped my hand flat on the made me take it. ment in cafeterias. There were terruptions this evening ... By kitchen table. "Maude, you’re "You’d better lie down a while,” two glass-fronted china cupboards tomorrow you’ll know enough to either a bold-faced liar or a fool. she said. “There’s a bed across the full of the oddest-shaped dinner- keep your mouths shut, and I’ll be 1 suppose I have to suffer fools, hall." ware I’ve ever seen. Contrary to in tlie clear. The next quota isn’t but since I’m in some doubt as to I balked. “I ought to tell you the cottage cheese impression I'd due for two weeks. That will give which you are, unlock that door first, just in case I get violent, received in the parlor, the kitchen me time to make other arrange- and let us out of here. I decline to that I am having hallucinations. I struck me now as much used. One ments. It’s a nuisance, but it was — listen any longer to these lies just saw an angel.” had the feeling that aU those large, about time to move on, anyway. At that moment I heard tlie “Don’t be tiresome, Dodie,” damp tea towels hung up to dry The equipment here is old and tapping at the kitchen door. Maude said. "You saw one of my near the stove had recently wiped outmoded, and extensive remod- Maude got up and unlocked it. patients — a kind of swan-man. enough china for a Ladies’ Aid elling would cause talk in a place She opened tlie door part-way, Come on, and I’ll explain.” supper. On the wide window ledge like Plumfield. I’ve said for years and started whistling. It was a I lay rather limply in the bed two yellow cats slept in the loi^ing we ought to locate the clinics in low, broken whistling, and some- while Maude explained. Altliea and comfortable embrace that hu- cities. With modern, fast trucking thing answered back. I turned full had started pacing again. There mans envy. The sight of them now, there’s no need to be stuck around in my chair, prepared, I was occasional illness throughout shoved a thought to the front of out on the herb farms, surrounded thought, for anything. But I was- the universe, Maude said. All my head that I realized had been by nosy, country neighbors.” She n't, at all. When the angel walked creatures, everywhere, are subject trying for several minutes to arouse looked pointedly at me. into the room, I fainted. to mental or physical ills, some- ” ””

48 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION MEASUIUi MY LOVE 49

times both: for instance, humans, smart enough to find us. Those very silly child, of a very silly peo- “No,” she said. “Let it burn. who arc among the most sorely be- who are far enough in advance of ple. How stupidly you misuse It’sjustas well . . set. A kind providence,- however, the pack to scent us out. Those we love! Very well, then, come on.” “The cats?” I persisted. had provided a cure for every ail- send away, sometimes — tliey don’t She led us again to the room “Gone. I sent them away. All ment. Unfortunately, the vegeta- have to be ill — if they show signs full of machinery. Althea sat in but this one.” She picked up the ble cures of one planet did not of real intelligence, and if they one of the electric chairs, while marble cat as if it weighed noth- always match its inhabitants want to go. We send them to Maude taped tlie wires behind her ing. "1 told you I’d be leaving needs. It was often necessary to school, you might say. Someday cars and’ at her wrists. after tonight." import medicines from other you'll need leaders. When you’re “Now," Maude said. “Let your- It was a glorious fire, but very worlds, and a brisk trade in phar- ready for them, we’ll send them self go and sink as deeply into hot. We backed away till we macopoeia had been set up cen- back. Now, you must excuse me,” your trouble as possible. Don’t put reached tlie orchard. I looked at turies ago. Less frequently it was Maude said. “I have to dispatch up any barriers to your pain. Altliea, who wasn’t saying a word necessary for patients to betake some convalescents who are anx- When you thinli you’ve hit bottom, —just standing there in the fire- themselves to the source of the ious to get back home.” press this switch.” light, grinning. supply, since some plants lost their Althea stopped pacing. “What Althea nodded. I looked away. “Well, I must sayl The electric efficacy or deteriorated in trans- about me? You said you’d treat me — I didn’t care to see Althea’s face chair cure certainly worked port. Earth, Maude said, was a . . . Please, I still want you to.” if it got any more miserable-look- Althea whirled on me, her mouth good garden planet, providing Maude grimaced. “You were a ing. I felt indignant with Maude. and eyes wide, Maude stared at many herbs that were not to be mistake,” she said. “I must be get- Didn’t she know that humankind me, too, frowning. found elsewhere. Maude’s opinion ting soft in the head. But I thought needed privacy at such times? ‘Worked? Dodie, you idiot! value, otherwise, of Earth’s was it was 5'our misery that made your Suddenly tlie room was filled Don't you understand? She was pointed out very low. She proudly mind so dim . . She looked at with a blinding, blue light. Some- simply measuring my love! It was that she was not a native. She had Althea speculatively and her voice thing sputtered and flashed redly. I who set fire to tlie house ... I come here, witli other trained turned gentle. “But you do have a Smoke drifted before me like a knew I was miserably in love, but physicians, a long time ago to set kind of infant appeal . . . All trailing scarf. I never dreamed it was this bad. up secret clinics all over the world right. Later.” Maude left us, lock- “Get out," Maude was saying Isn’t it wonderfiiU Imagine, love for their peoples, not all of whom, ing us in. — quietly. "The house is on fire.” so powerful, so Mazing she hastened to add, were fash- It seemed hours before she re- I opened tlie door and blun- “Nonsense!” Maude bellowed. ioned like man. After treatment, turned, bearing a tray of fairly — dered into tlie hall. Behind me “Defective wiring! I told you patients were returned to their palatable food, all vegetables. I came Maude, supporting Althea, “I don’t beheve you,” Althea own planets, well and whole. was famished. Some of tlie food who was looking like a drunken, laughed and raised her arms high “How?” I interrupted. we didn't recognize, but we ate it triumphant goddess, wreathed in and joyfully. “I’ll bet nobody ever Maude smiled tightly. “I have anyway. It was surprisingly satis- smiles. I could hear fire roaring loved as I love! Why don’t you ad- no intention of telling you. Not fying. now in the machinery room, and mit it? ‘Let yourself go’, you said, that I think you’d be able to use “Your guests gone?” I asked her. popping sounds as if bottles were and when 1 did I almost crisped the information . . . not for a “AU gone. You can leave now, if breaking. The hall seemed endless, at the tliought of him! Then came couple of centuries yet. You peo- you like, or wait till morning.” but at last we emerged safely into the pain and despair 4 , . of ple amuse me, when you’re not “Not yet.” Althea said. “You the garden. course, I did it!” disgusting me. So vainglorious, so promised to help me.” . . call the fire department?” “Your despair is very touching,” ignorant, so savage. Now and then Maude sighed as if she were I screamed at Maude. By that Maude said dryly. “Is ffiis your we treat a few of you —if you're tired and exasperated. “You’re a time one entire wing was blazing. usual way of expressing it?” . —

50 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION MEASURE MY LOVE 51

Althea stopped her flowers-in- Afterwards, Althea made one latest bogey word and set the town two days after the fire, instructing

spring dance so quickly it was as or two attempts to pry out of me against the new teacher . . . and him to sell the acreage of Passage- if Maude’s words had switched off die details of the “little trouble” me, who sneered at Lawyer How- way and to give the money to a mechanical doll. She looked at Maude mentioned. I don’t know ard's mincing walk and fluttering charity. She was in Iowa then, but

. . to on. She didn’t Maude and me in bewilderment. how Maude knew it, since I’d only hands . and wished hard for preparing move “It does seem rather odd,” she just discovered it for myself and two whole days that a pleasant say where. said. “But somehow that’s just the was still probing at the newness woman would die. People in my She spoke of locating in some way I feel. The idea tliat I could and soreness as one does a tooth grandparents’ time were behaving big city, but even in a crowded much the same way. Sure, I’m city, Maude would find space for love so fervently . . diat has just erupted. The truth is, “I tliink,” Maude said, “that I was young enough and foolish scared. And ashamed. If I could the marble cat. you simply like pyrotechnics. Be- enough to be somewhat hopeful crawl into a hole, I thought, and Has anybody seen a marble cat sides, I doctored your food with then, but that was fifteen years pull the hole in after me ... I lately? Maybe, if we can find dried pink and white flowers. ago. I wonder if Maude doctored remembered Maude. Maude, some of you would like to When this Roman candle stops my food, too? If so, it didn’t work Maude wrote to Mr. Tidrow come along. . ? fizzing, you’ll be just as eager to for me. I’ll bet Maude would be light another one. Well, good surprised if she measured my love, scorching, ladies, and good my litde trouble . . . Though I’d night.” Maude shouldered the mar- tiy not to burn the house down, r. B, F. F. A. S. F.==^-YOURS FREE! ble cat and walked off into the because it isn’t just a love cure I dark, want from Maude. She spoke of With each two year subscription to The Magazine of Althea glared after her. “I think leaders being trained. Where arc Fantasy & Science Fiction received at the special low rate you’re hateful!” she called. they? of $7.98. Maude stopped and turned to Hope dies hard —hope for your- look back at us. "Damned babies, self and for the world you love. *The Best From Fantasy and Science Fiction; Tenth .” playing with fire . . slue began, Mr. Tidrow was married only last Serie5~262 pages, hard cover anthology ($3.95 value) and then stood silently for a long week to a very pleasant woman. time as if reluctant to leave us. My reaction to this event fright- Mercury Press, Inc., 347 East 53 Street, New York 22, N. Y. F10 “Althea?” Maude’s voice sounded ened me. Of late, so many things strangely soft and warm. “You frighten me. You’re probably Send me The Magazine Of FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION for two

years along with a FREE copy of THE BEST FROM F&SF. I enclose $7.98. could learn . . . Come with me, thinking it’s The Bomb I’m afraid

I’ll send you away. could of. Certainly, diat's it and You part of Name . come, too,’ Dodie,” she said with after all. I’m still of fairly sound Address an unflattering lack of urgency. mind, but there are other things “Though I think you’ll survive City Zone State your litde trouble, too , . Like the boy two houses down I winced, but I managed to say the street who mashes kittens with “no, thank you” graciously enough. an old sadiron; and the clerk at Althea’s euphoria was still appar- the supermarket who slashed the ent. She fairly sang out her re- tires on all the cars belonging to fusal. Maude left then, without Jews. They frighten me. And I’m another word. afraid of you, who whispered the SLOW BURN 53

fort to manufacture gold, scouring Europe for recipes, trying each one and forever being disappointed. This is a dramatic way of showing that Newton stood at a midway point in the history of the physical sciences. In the 1680’s when he an- nounced his laws of motion and his theory of gravitation, the birth of modern physics (thanks to Galileo) was just one century in tlie past and the birth of modern chemistry (thanks to Lavoisier) was just one cen- Always eager to present fresh talent to the public, we advance tury in the future. here the work of a young writer of promise who is hound—we Now the story of the birth of physics has been told and told again. all (or should) about Galileo's experiments with falling bodies predict~to make his mark upon the world. As a scientific We know which, at one stroke, destroyed Aristotelian physics and established the commentator he lacks the richness of Paracelsus and the modern form of the science. In popular mythology, this is concentrated pragmatic appUcatioti of Lydia E. Pinkham, but he does toell into a single experiment, tlic dropping of a heavy and light ball from enough, in his naif and hmnbling way, for all that. Our in- the top of tlae Leaning Tower of Pisa and watcliing them hit the ground dulgent readers will, in addressing themselves to his remarks simultaneously. (Actually, it is quite certain that Galileo never per- on combustion and the history of chyniistry, make allowances formed this experiment.) On the other hand, the birth of chemistry is graced by no such key for his youth, his inexperience, and his innocent enthusiasm experiment. There is no chemical equivalent of dropping weights off . . . Has anybody got a match? the Leaning Tower of Pisa; no single, classic feat to go ringing clown the corridors of time as the smasher of tlie old and the beginner of the new, At least, I don’t find one in the books I’ve read on the subject; not one that is pointed at as the experiment. SLOW BURN Except that I think I’ve found one. I think I can make a case for the existence of a single, simple experiment that smashed the old chemistry and started the new chemistry. It was every bit as dramatic and con- by Isaac Asimov clusive (if not quite as spectacular) as the Leaning Tower o£ Pisa ex- periment, except that:

' 1) The crucial chemical experiment really happened ancl is not a and For many years now i have been an inveterate ad- myth, mirer It involved a mad scientist and should therefore strike a nostalgic of Sir Isaac Newton. One can, after all, make out a good case for 2) chord in the hearts of all true science-fiction fans. his having been the greatest scientist who ever lived. What’s more, it With your permission then, oh, Gentle Readers (or, if necessary, doesn’t displease me one little bit that Newton’s first name is without) I shall tell the story of the birth of Modern Chemistry, as I see Isaac. To be sure, I wasn’t named for him, but for my grand- father. Yet the principle remains; we have something in common. And it. to top it oft, the Boston suburb in which I live is named Newton and how do you like that? In the time of Newton, chemical theory was still based, in liirge part, So you I on what the Greek philosophers had worked out tw'o thousand years see, have lots of reasons for being an Isaac Newton fan and it therefore earlier. The "four elements” (that is, the fundamental substances out of pains me to admit there are flaws in the shining picture he presents. which the Universe was made) were earth, water, air and fire.. In physics and astronomy, he was a transcendent genius. In mathematics, The Greek philosophers felt that actual bodies were made up of the he was a ground-breaking prodigy. Yet in chemistry, he was nothing four elements in particular proportions. One could well imagine, then, but a bumbler. He wasted his time in a vain and useless ef- 52 54 VANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION SLOW BURN 55

that the elements in one body could be sepai'ated and then recombined The basic difference, then, between the burning of wood and the rust- in different proportions to form a second body of a different sort. In ing of iron was no more than a matter of speed. Wood lost phlogiston so this way, one could change one metal into another (if one could but rapidly that the velocity of its passing made it visible as flame. Iron lost discover the correct procedure) and, in particular, one could change phlogiston so slowly that its passage was imperceptible. Burning, in lead into gold. Stahl's view, then, was a fast rusting; while rusting was a slow burn. For about 1500 years, alchemists tried to find out the proper recipe In tliis, Stahl was quite correct but he gets little credit for it. About for such "transmutation.” The Arabs, in the process, worked out the the first thing chemistry students are taught to do is to laugh at the theory that there were two special principles involved in tlie different phlogiston theory so that Stahl is either forgotten or condemned and I solid bodies with which they worked. There was the metallic principle, consider that unfair. mercury, and tlie combustible principle, sulfur. As a matter of fact, the phlogiston theory explained quite a few things This didn’t help them make gold and by Newton’s time, chemistry that were not explained before, most notably the matter of metallurgy. seemed badly in need of some new ideas. What’s more, any new ideas For instance, it had been known for thousands of years that if metal ore that did come along ought to deal with combustion. Coal was begin- were heated strongly, in contact with burning wood or charcoal, the free ning to come into use as a new fuel. Men were beginning to play with metal could be obtained. As for uyhy this happened no one had a good the steam produced by the heat of burning fuel. In general, the matter answer. it easy to of combustion was in the air and as exciting in 1700 as electricity was Until Stahl, that is. According to the phlogiston dieory, was to be in 1800, radioactivity in 1900 and rocketry in 1950. see that a metal ore was a kind of naturally-occurring rust that was com- Onto the scene then, steps a German physician named Georg Ernest pletely free of phlogiston and therefore showed no metallic properties. If phlogiston passed Stahl. While still in his twenties he was appointed court physician to lieated in the presence of phlogiston-rich charcoal, ore. gained phlogiston, it turned into the Duke of Weimar. In later life he was to become physician to still from the charcoal to the As the ore it turned higher royalty, King Frederick William I of Prussia. His lectures on metal, As the charcoal lost phlogiston into ash. medicine at die University of Halle were famous and well-attended. Isn’t that neat? Well, in 1700, this man advanced a theory of combustion that made Unfortunately, diere was one great flaw in the theory. When a metal it gained weight! pound of iron produced about one and a more sense than anything previously suggested. He drew heavily on al- rusted, One chemical notions and, in particular, on the combustible principle, sulfur. half pounds of iron rust. If the conversion were die result of the loss of anything, did the extra weight He gave this principle a new name and described its beliavior in greater phlogiston and not die gaining of where detail. come from? this tried to explain that phlogiston The principle, he called "phlogiston,” from a Greek word meaning "to A few chemists worried about and set on fire,” for he held tliat all inflammable objects contained phlogiston had negative weight! Instead of phlogiston being pulled down by grav- ity, it pushed up by levity. (You take that as a pun, if you and it was only the phlogiston content that made it possible for them to was may burn. choose, but “levity” was the actual term used.) Thus, a pound of iron considered as containing half a pound of phlogiston and During the process of combustion, said Stahl, the burning material lost could be minus left, resulting rust weigh one half its content of phlogiston, which poured out into and was received by the when the phlogiston the would and a air. What was left after combustion was completely lacking in phlogiston pounds. over like lead balloon. For one thing, example and could bum no more. Wood and coal, for instance, were rich in This notion went a no nature outside phlogiston, for phlogiston, but the ash they left behind contained none. of levity was found anywhere in of and another, it lost weight. The it left behind was Stahl’s greatest contribution to chemical thinking was his suggestion when wood burned ash lighter the original wood. If the wood had lost phlogiston that the process of rusting metals was similar in principle to that of much than and if phlogiston exerted a force of levity, why wasn’t the ash heavier the burning of wood. A metal, such as iron, was rich in phlogiston. As it than the wood, as rust is heavier than iron? corroded it lost phlogiston to the air and when all the phlogiston was gone, only rust was left behind. There was no answer to this, and the average chemist of the day simply —

SLOW BURN 57 56 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION How did Priestley know it was there? Well, it had peculiar proper- shrugged. There was, after all, no tradition of exact measurement in ties that were not like those of ordinary air. A smoldering splint of wood chemistry. thousands of years everyone had worked die chemical in- For thrust into the container in which the red powder from mercury was dustries as art-forms rather than as sciences. alchemists in- The had being heated burst into bright flame. Priestley collected the vapors and volved themselves in purely descriptive observations. They had noted the found a candle would burn in it with unearthly brightness; he found formation die emission of vapors, the changes of colors of precipitates, that mice placed in the vapor would jump about actively; he even but such things as weight and volume were irrelevant. breathed some himself and reported it made him feel very "light and matters continued thus then, in For two generations, and the 1770’s, easy.” a number of momentous developments took place. For one thing, chem- Priestley interpreted all this according to the phlogiston theory. When ists began to concern themselves witli air. mercury was heated it lost some of its phlogiston to air and became a To tlic ancient Greeks air was an element, a single substance. How- red jiowder which lacked phlogiston and could be considered a kind of ever, tlie Scottish chemist, Joseph Black, burned a candle in a closed mercury-rust. If he heated this mercury-rust strongly it absorbed phlo- container of air, as the 1 770's opened, and found that the candle eventu- giston from the air and became mercury again. Meanwhile, the air in ally went out. it did, there was still plenty of air in tlie container, When the neighborhood was bled of its phlogiston and became “dephlogisti- so did it out? why go cated air.” Naturally, such dephlogisticated air was unusually thirsty for was busy with other matters, so he passed the problem on to a He phlogiston. It sucked phlogiston rapidly out of a smoldering splint and his Daniel Rutherford. (Rutherford, tlie student of named by way, was the velocity of the reaction was visible as a burst of flame. For similar Walter the uncle of the poet and novelist. Sir Scott.) reasons, candles burnt more brightly and mice ran about more actively repeated Black's experiments and went further. In 1772, Rutherford in deplilogisticated air than in ordinary air. placed in the air rcniaining, New candles set on fire and promptly went The Priestley and Rutherford experiments, taken together, seemed to in air, out themselves. Mice, placed such died. show that air was a single material substance, which could be altered in Rutherford analyzed these observations in terms of the phlogiston the- properties by a variation in its content of the imponderable fluid, ory. When a candle burned in an enclosed volume of air, it gave up phlogiston. phlogiston to the air but, apparently, any given volume of air could Ordinary air contains some phlogiston but is not saturated with it. It only hold so much phlogiston and no more. When it was filled with can gain phlogiston when something burns in it; or it can lose phlogiston phlogiston, tlie candle went out and nothing further would burn in that when a rust heated in it becomes a metal. When it gains all the phlogiston air. living creature which, in the process of breathing, constantly A it can hold, it will no longer support combustion or life and it is then gave up phlogiston (there had been speculations dating back to Roman Rutherford’s gas. If it loses all tlie phlogiston it has, it will support com- times that respiration analogous to combustion) could not do so in was bustion with great eagerness and life with great case and will then be called this phlogiston-filled air, and died. Rutherford this asphyxiating Priestley’s gas. gas, “phlogisticatcd air.” The scene now shifts southward to England where a Unitarian minis- Now we shift still further south. In Paris, the brilliant young chem- ter, Joseph Priestley, had become interested in science after he met the ist, Lavoisier, is working hard under the stress of an idea that measure- American scientist and statesman, Benjamin Franklin, in 1766. — ment is as important to chemistry as Galileo showed it to be to physics. Priestley's great discovery came from experiments witli mercury in Qualitative observations are insufficient; must be quantitative. 1774. He began by heating mercury with sunlight concentrated through one As an example When water, even the purest, was slowly boiled a large magnifying glass. The heat caused tlie gleaming surface of the — away in a glass vessel, some sediment was always left behind. Alchem- mercury to be coated with a reddish powder. Priestley skimmed off the ists had often done this and they had pointed to tlie sediment as an powder and heated it to a still higher temperature. The powder evapo- example of the manner in which the element, water, had been converted rated, forming two different gases. One of these was mercury vapor, for to the element, earth. (From this they deduced that transmutation was it condensed into droplets of mercury in the cool upper regions of the possible and that lead could be turned to gold.) vessel. The other remained an invisible vapor. 58 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION SLOW BURN 59

About 1770, Lavoisier decided to repeat the experiment, but quantita- The one-fifth of the air which a burning candle used up was Priest- tively. He began by accurately weighing a clean flask and adding an ley’s dephlogisticated air, which Lavoisier now called "oxygen” from accurate weight of water. He then boiled tlie water under conditions so Greek words meaning “sourness-producer.” (Lavoisier thought oxygen designed that the rising water vapor was cooled, condensed back to wa- was a necessary component of acids. It isn’t, but the name will never be ter and forced to drip again into the still-boiling contents of the flask. changed now.) As for the remaining four-fifths of die air, that portion He continued this for 101 days, thus giving the water plenty of time to in which candles would not burn and mice would not live, that was

turn into earth. He then stopped and let all the water cool down. Rutherford's phlogisticated air, and Lavoisier called it “azote” from Sure enough, as tlie water cooled, the sediment formed. Lavoisier Greek words meaning “no life.” Nowadays, wc call it “nitrogen.” poured out tlie water, filtered off the sediment and weighed each sepa- Air, according to Lavoisier, tlien, was one-fifdi oxygen and four-fifths rately. The weight of the water had not changed at all. He then weighed nitrogen, Combustion and rusting were brought about by the combina- the flask. The flask had lost weight and the loss in weiglit was just equal tion of materials with oxygen only. Some combinations (or “oxides”), to the weight of the sediment. Water had not changed to earth; it had like carbon dioxide, were vapors and left the scene of combustion alto- simply dissolved some of the material of the flask. gether, which was why coal, wood and candles all lost weight drastically Thus he showed that one conclusion drawn from a particular experi- after burning. Other oxides were solids and remained on the spot, which ment could be shifted to another and much more plausible conclusion was why rust was heavier than metal, —heavier by the added oxygen. by simply becoming quantitative. In order for a new theory to displace an old, comfortable one, the In a later experiment, Lavoisier put some tin in a vessel which he new theory has to be clearly better, and the oxygen-theory was not, just then closed. He next weighed the whole business accurately. Then he at first. To most chemists, oxygen just seemed phlogiston in reverse. In- heated the vessel. stead of wood losing phlogiston in combustion, it gained oxygen. Instead A white rust formed on the tin. It was known that such a rust was of iron ore gaining phlogiston in iron smelting, it lost oxygen. invariably heavier than the original metal, yet when Lavoisier weighed Lavoisier could only have carried conviction if he could prove tliat tlie whole set up, he found the total weight had not changed at all. If tlic matter of weight was crucial, for the oxygen theory explained the the rust were heavier than the tin, then that gain in weight must have weight changes in combustion and rusting, while the phlogiston theory been countered by an equal loss in weight elsewhere in the vessel. If the did not and could not. loss in weight were in the air content then a partial vacuum should now Lavoisier tried to emphasize the importance of weight and to make exist in the vessel. Sure enough, when Lavoisier opened tlie vessel, air it central to chemistry by maintaining that there was no change in total rushed in and then the system increased in weight. The increase was weight during the course of any chemical reaction in a closed system, equal to tlie extra weight of the rust. where vapors were not allowed to escape and outside air could not be Lavoisier tlierefore suggested the following: Combustion (or rust- added. This is the “Law of Conservation of Mass.” Another way of formation) was caused not by the loss of phlogiston but by the combina- putting it is that matter can neither be created nor destroyed and if tion of the fuel or metal with air. Phlogiston had nothing to do with it. that is true tlien tlie phlogiston theory is fallacious, for in it tlie added Phlogiston did not exist. weight of tlie rust appears out of nowliere and matter must therefore be The weak point in this new suggestion, just at first, lay in the fact that created. not all the air was involved in this. Lavoisier found tliat when a candle Unfortunately, Lavoisier could not make the law of conservation of burned, it used up only about one-fifth of the air. It would burn no mass hard and fast at first. There was a flaw. Lavoisier tried to measure longer in the remaining four-fifths. the amount of oxygen a human being absorbed in breathing and to com- Light dawned when Priestley visited France and had a conversation pare it with the carbon dioxide he exhaled. When he did that, it always witli Lavoisier. Of course! Lavoisier rushed back to his work. If phlogiston turned out that some of tlie oxygen had disappeared. The exhaled carbon did not exist, then air could not change its properties with gain or loss dioxide never accounted for all the oxygen taken in. If tlie law of con- of phlogiston. If two kinds of air seemed to exist with different proper- servation of mass didn’t hold, there was no handy stick with which to ties, tlien it was because air contained two different substances. kill phlogiston. :

60 TANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION SLOAV BURN 61 Now let’s go back to England and to our mad scientist, Henry Caven- merely set acid to working on metal so dish. try. It was simplicity itself. He that a of his phlogiston could be forced out of a glass tube. This jet Cavendish, you see, was pathologically shy and unbelievably absent jet of phlogiston could be lit by a spark and allowed to burn inside a vessel minded. It was only witli difficulty he could speak to one man; and it full of air. That was all there was to it. was virtually impossible to speak to more than one. Although he regu- But he did it, he found to his surprise that he had not formed larly attended dinner at the Royal Society, dressed in snuffy, old-fash- when phlogisticated air at all. Instead the inner walls of the vessel were be- ioned clothes, he ate in dead silence with his eyes on his plate. dew^ed with drops of a liquid that looked like water, tasted like water, felt He was a woman-hater (or, perhaps, woman-fearer) to the point like water,, had all the chemical properties of water and, egad, sir, rras where he could not bear to look at one. He communicated with his fe- water, male servants by notes and any who accidentally crossed his path in his hadn’t proved tlic phlogiston tlieory at all. In fact, as La- house was fired on the spot. He built a separate entrance to his house so Cavendish once, Cavendish’s experiment had once and for all killed he could come and leave alone. In the end, he even insisted on dying voisier saw at alone. phlogiston. He came of a noble family and at the age of 40 inherited a fortune, soon as Lavoisier heard of Cavendish's work, he jumped upon it but paid no particular attention to it. Money literally meant nothing to As repeated the experiment with improve- him, and neither did fame. Many of his important discoveries he never with loud cries of delight. He Cavendish’s gas, "hydrogen” from Greek words mean- bothered publishing, and it is only by going through the i>apers he left ments and named keeps to this day. behind that we know of them. ing "water-producer,” a name it one simple experiment of Cavendish’s did Some discoveries, however, he did publish. In 1766, for instance, he Here’s what this be an oxide; the oxide of hydrogen. This was discovered an inflammable gas produced by the action of acids on metals. 1) It proved water to to the "four elements” tlieory of the Greeks, for water This had been done before but Cavendish was the first to study the gas the last, final blow substance after all, systematically and so he gets credit for its discovery. was not a basic It wiped out the notion that air was a single substance varying One thing that Cavendish noted about the gas was that it was ex- 2) its phlogiston content. If that were so, dicn ceedingly light; far lighter than air; lighter than any material object in properties according to yield nitrogen (as Cavendish had, in truth, then known (or since discovered). With his mind on the "levity” that hydrogen plus oxygen would terminology phlogisti- some had suggested as one of the properties of phlogiston, Cavendish expected it would— using the 18tli Century of air and so on). But if air were not a single began to w’onder whether he had stumbled on something tliat was mostly, cated air, dcphlogisticated for the experiments of the or even entirely, phlogiston, Perhaps he had phlogiston itself. substance then the only way of accounting After all, as the gas left the metal through the action of acids, the 1770’s was to assume it a mixture of two substances. metal formed a rust with phenomenal rapidity. Furthermore, the gas was 3) Lavoisier realized tliat the fo{TunY OF SCIENCE FICTION, Damon Knight, Simon & Lavoisier didn’t get away with these little tricks and posterity has for- Schuster, $4.95 given him his vanity, for what he did do (including a good deal of ma- NEW STORIES FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE, Rod Scrling, terial I haven't mentioned in this article) was quite enough for a hun- Bantam Books, 35jii dred ordinary chemists. IIoAvcvcr, it is quite likely tliat ncitlier Priestley nor Cavendish felt WORLDS OF WHEN, Groff Conklin, Pyramid Books, 40j^ particularly kindly toward Lavoisier as a result. At least, neither man would accept Lavoisier’s new chemistry. Both men refused to abandon phlogiston, and remained stubborn devotees of the old chemistry to the The sf woods, it is true, are of Science Fiction, IN SEARCH next to end of their lives. no longer as full of anthologies as OF WONDER, is kept the the gold and ivory in many a Which once again proves, I suppose, that scientists are human. Like they once were, and some of the metals they work with, they can be subjected to the effects of a slow gaps represent dcadwood which treasure chest; and failed to re- burn. will never be missed. To say that ceive even a tithe of the attention Damon Knight’s new volume will devoted to Kingsley Amis’s subse- fill any of these gaps would be quent NEW MAPS OF HELL absurd: as well speak of an oak only because (a) Damon Knight filling the space left by a sumac. was not already famous as an We have lost several pennies angry young man (we do not feel Handsome, Sturdy (some of them bad); we have the phrase rates capitals), and been given a shiny gold-piece. (b) his book was brought out by VOLUME FILES Damon Knight is best known a very small house (Avon), un- for Your Copies of for his short stories (a collection able to afford advertising. of tliem, FAR OUT, appeared It is doubtful if Simon and FANTASY AND late last year, also under the S & S Schuster would bring out IN imprint). His two novels, HELL’S SEARCH OF WONDER if it SCIENCE FICTION PAVEMENT and THE PEOPLE were to be written today — in fact, MAKER, have brought him'-less what are we saying? "Doubtful”, Hell! Each Volume File will keep acclaim —deservedly so. Readers KNIGHT ON SCIENCE 12 copies of FANTASY & of tliis magazine will remember FICTION (as we believe its title SCIENCE FICTION clean, orderly, and readily accessible. Sturdily built, him as Alfred Bester’s predecessor goes) is being readied for publica- the files are covered with a rich black and red washable leatherette, and the as Books Editor. This was not Mr. tion, and who is bringing it out? lettering is in l6-carat gold leaf. Knight's first venture into literary Simon and et cetera? Not on your Reasonably priced at $2.90 each, 3 for $7.00, or 6 for $13.00, they are shipped fully prepaid on a money back basis if not satisfactory. Order criticism, however; a volume of tintype. Spunky fannish little direct from: JESSE JONES BOX CORPORATION his earlier studies on this aspect Avon, that is who. Dept.F&SF * P.O.Box 9120 Philadelphia 41, Pa; 63 64 I'ANTASV AND SCIENCE FICTION BOOKS 65

Well, so much for the gripes. sequences flow logically out of a eller describes his venture into the see several of his many hats re- Now for tlie main bout. In this boldly imaginative premise.” future] night followed day like tired a while so that this last one corner, wearing purple tights, and Among the writers included arc the flapping of a black wing . . . could rest again on that sapient weighing eighty-five pounds soak- Weinbaiim, Bierce, Asimov, Al- / Sini/ the sun hopping sxviftly head— the sort which tlie old Rus- ing wet, is DAMON KNIGHT, diss, Wells, Bester, Farmer, Hein- across the sky, leaping it every sians described (says Gogol) by with twenty-six selections from Icin, Clarke, O'Brien, Pangborn, minute, and every minute mark- saying, “Forasmuch as he is wise, Science Fiction written over the Stapicdon, Anderson, Some of ing a day ... I saw the moon God hatli added unto his brow past hundred and three years (the them we had read before. Out- spinning swiftly through her quar- Knight century even gives you standing among those new to us ters from new to full, and had a more years for your money), plus were a first-rate Philip Farm- Jos6 faint glimpse qf the circling stars. Some time ago Mr. Rod Serling an erudite and excellent introduc- er bit called Sail On! Sail On! . L^resenily . . the palpitation of received a good deal of attention tion, and notes accompanying each (unaccountably placed by Mr. night and day merged into one and acclaim for a TV play called piece which only occasionally tend Knight under “ i’imc Travel” when coniinnous greyness . . . the PATTERNS. Wc did not see it, towards the kittenish (a tendency it is patently a parallel universe jerking siin became a streak of the TV reception unfortunately which afflicts editors story), who compile a delightful conceit of a fire ... I saw trees gro^^mlg being very poor in the salt-mine as distinct editors — from who different First Voyage of Colum- and changing like pujjs of vapor, where wc were then employed. comment) including, we fear, bus; and something called Another now brown, now green; they grew, Nor, for one reason or another, Your Seriiant to Command. “No World—•another of Damon spread, shivered, and passed away have we ever seen his cuiTent tele- hawker e'er cries, ‘Stinking fish for Knight’s translations from the , . , the sun-hclt s^vayed up and vision entertainment, TWILIGHT sale!’ " says an old proverb. Read- French — by the semi-unpronounc- down, from solstice to solstice ZONE; and thus approached his ers will thus understand the dif- ablc J.-H. Rosny Aine, This last i.s . . . and minute by minute the book, NEW STORIES FROM ference between Knight Cand listed under “Supermen,” al- white snow flashed across the THE TWILIGHT ZONE, unaf- Davidson) editors as of compila- though "Mutant” would seem world, and vanished, and ivfis fol- fected by prior familiarity. The tions (or and Knight Davidson) closer. Nothing so commonplace as lowed hy the bright, brief green of stories are six in number, all but as reviewers of books. And to un- psi powers here — the protagonist sprmg." one of which arc quite suitable derstand is to forgive, as an old literally secs things which the rest Wells towers and sparkles, like for The Saturday Evening Post. and untrue saying has it. of us do not even know exist. And a giant dressed in jewels, high The exception opens on a testi- Says Knight in his Introduc- what "things,” tool The other sec- over all who came after him, not monial dinner given for a friendly tion: “The organizing principle tions are “Robots,” “Space,” “Other only because he preceded, not on- neighborhood physician praised , of this field since about 1860 has Worlds and People,” (including a ly because of his ideas, but also by all present, only joshed a little been the idea of science: of perpetual favorite of ours, H. G. because he is — head, shoulders, because, he is the only one in tlie knowledge systematically obtained Wells’s Crystal The Egg), “Al- knees, and ankles — incomparably block to have a bomb shelter. The and rationally applied. iens As we con- Among Us,” and “Marvellous a better writer tliaii any of us. happy laughter is interupted by a trast older stories with newer ones Inventions.” Among tlie latter is a Knight the novelist, Knight the Conelrad announcement that The in tlii^ book, you’ll be able to see serious and unfortunately ratlier critic, Knight the translator, has Bombs are about to fall. The that idea how slowly changed the jerky (in the non-siang sense) now made an honorable mark as friendly neighborhood disinte- imaginative story into piece something by Mark Twain. Knight the anthologist. It is no grates into a factious mob which is that had ne^^er existed in the But the best of all remains the discredit to him in any of these breaking into the doctor’s hidey- world before.” You will, indeed. selection from H. G. Wells’s The capacities to say that we still rate hole, which he has barred against You will also enjoy what calls Traveller. he Time We must quote: him first of all as Knight the short them, when Conelrad announces “the pleasure of watching con- As 1 put on pace, [the Time Trav- story writer, and would be glad to it was just a drill. Moral: "And be a

BOOKS 67 66 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION po.sits as still existing some dec- makes existence bearable — only thought that for humanity to sur- able todays and possible tomor- ades into the future. Margaret St. doesn’t, quite. An interesting com- rows,” is the cover describes vive . . , the human race must how Clair (whom readers of F&SF will parison can be made between this remain civilized,” (The dots are the contents of veteran anthologist also remember affectionately as story and Fritz Leiber’s “The Se- Mr. Serling’s.) Aside from this sin- Groff Conklin’s latest compendi- Idris Scabright) concludes the cret Song-s” (F&SF, August, /62), gle excercise in controversy, if it um, and fairly enough. None of book with ‘Rations of Tantalus,” a to the discredit of neitlier. can be called that, there are two them is particularly exciting, but picture of an over-tranquili/cd fu- slapstick comedies (Used-car deal- tlie buyer will get his money’s ture, where the pill-box alone —Avram Davidson er buys haunted auto which com- worth. Anthropologist Chad Oli- pels owner to tell the truth — re- ver’s “Transfusion” is an investiga- sult: no sales. Phoney TV cow- tion of certain unsolved problems town “marshal” is forced by the of the evolutionary theory — ghost of Jesse James to give the time-traveller on tlie track of an- Bad Guys a break); a tale of a cient man and pre- or proto-man A MAN NAMED THIN drunken Santa Claus which be- finds an enormous discrepancy gins on a note of promise, but between the current assumptions WAGES OF CRIME soon degenerates into schmaltz; as to human origins and the facts THE GATEWOOD CAPER an end-of-the-world story — earth as he finds them — or doesn’t. The is moving towards tlie sun and resolution of the paradox will THE BARBER AND HiS WIFE everyone is about to burn up when hardly satisfy, but the .story makes ITCHY THE DEBONAIR it turns out to be tlie dream of a interesting reading for all of tliat. fever-stricken girl; the reality: “Bullet Witli Ills Name” is a Fritz THE SECOND-STORY ANGEL Eartli is really moving away from Leiber extrapolation of the old the sun, and everyone is freezing three wishes theme, and is pleas- IN THE MORGUE to death; and a crime caper on a ingly plum-pudding'full of tlie an- WHEN LUCK'S RUNNING GOOD theme done much earlier and tic detail which Fritz does so well; much, much better in McTeague the conclusion, alas, seems rather A MAN NAMED THIN and other stories by DASHIELL HAMMETT and Treasure of the Sierra Madre, fatigued. Mr, Conklin calls the minus SF trimmings. This, in Arthur C. Clarke piece, “Death Eight tense and absorbing short stories by the champion of the American short, is “Science Fiction” greased And The Senator”, a little moral- mystery are now available for the first lime in book form. Each of these Ham- up for people who don’t like Sci- ity . . . [dealing with] the inter- mett “unknowns” exhibits the unique and varied talents of the master of the ence Fiction. Mr. Serling, not long relations of science and 'politics, detective short story, the creator of Sara Spade, Nick Charles, and the Con- after the events mentioned in this and the problems of political eth- tinental Op. Introduction and editorial notes by Ellery Queen. Only 50^1. review’s beginning, publicly de- ics . . . Brief, and good. “Farm- nounced TV for its debasing effect er,” by Mack Reynolds, is a serv- on originality and talent. That he iceable blend of crime and SF, but Mercury Press, Inc., 347 East 53 Street, New York 22, N. Y. FIO was correct in this, is probable; a certain quick glibness tends to Send me A MAN NAMED THIN and other stories. I enclose 50^. that he decided to join the line obscure the splendid vision of a Name which forms on the right for the reforested Sahara which is tliere; House of Rimmon, is very sad. also, the swift march of political Address is already eroding present events City Zone State “Five short novels of improb- situations which Mr. Reynolds THE UNFORTUNATE MR. MORKY 69

4 short short piece hy the very long on talent Mr. Vance Aan- sand jumbled images of his good Like a good custard pie, the Sahl, which will maybe make your head spin, but will also friend, the unfortunate Mr. Mor- unfortunate Mr. Morky disap- help explain why people nowadays are so much alike. ky, who was reflected by millions peared into positive infinity. of mirrors from all sides, all of It was novel to travel through which reflected tlieir images upon time. A few fluttery inversions, a the master mirror, reflected and tickling sensation inside his stom- re-rcflected and re-re-reflected in- ach, and Mr. Morky suddenly THE UNFORTUNATE to an infinite multiple reflecdou. had warm hones. Color kept com- It was indeed a murglcd maze of ing and going (or perhaps he going). He MR. MORKY Mr. Morkys. But lol seated in his kept coming and control room, where he chewed garked the bip and got past the happily on Lis quarter, the carny- first moebius cuTde-sac. by Vance Aandahl man touched a switch, adjusted a Unfortunately, there is at least few mirrors the slightest fraction one force in the universe which of an inch, and focused die mil- can overcome the laws of mathe- lion images into one ten-foot matics: the desire for security. When the unfoutunate me. “Comon now, boy. This is one image of the unfortunate Mr. The better half (purest custard) INlorlcy met die carny-man, great plenty good deal for two bits, you Morky. of Mr. Morky thwarted logic and things were bound to happen. He betcha life.” “My, my,” said Mr. Morky, went scrambling fearfully back was the perfect object for a carny- Twenty-five cents was the staring at this marvelous sight. to the time from which he had

inan’s intentions : iinaclultcratccl price, and the unfortunate Mr. “My, my.” come. The weaker half was car- custard pic from the vulcanized Morky suddenly was standing in The camy-man touched an- ried on toward positive infinity. soles of his shoes to die fuzzy the Museum of Mirrors, standing, odier switch; the mirrors moved The unfortunate Mr. Morky apex of his crcwcut. This is tlie by chance, on a plane mirror, anodier fraction of an inch; and who was strug^ing backwards way it occurred: while tlie carny-man scuttled oft suddenly die image of die unfor- did not make very rapid progress Mr. Morky was shufBing to tlie control room, his quarter tunate Mr. Morky shrank from a against the current, so we may tlirough tlic sawdust, beneath the clutched tightly between two gigantic custard pie to a three-inch forget him for the present. The hot neon lights, surrounded by rows of yellow teedi. custard pie. Then the image ran other unfortunate Mr. Morky the jolly sounds and sour-sweat The unfortunate Mr. Morky forward in die mirror until it was reached positive infinity in no smells of a carnival which was was surrounded hy mirrors — they large again. It winked at Mr. time at all, hopped over to nega- not really a carnival, but rather coated the ceiling, the walls, and Morky, clicked its heels, and tive infinity, and popped hack the wavering image of a carnival, the floor. Plane mirrors, convex stood on its head. into the enclosure which sur- when he found himself standing in mirrors, concave mirrors. All “My, ray,” said Mr. Morky. rounded tlie carnival grounds. the shade of a secluded tent. shapes and all colors. They glit- “My, my.” He shuffled curiously through the “Hey, boy! You wantta come tered in mad jest at their visitor. Then the image began to sawdust, stopped in the dank see the Museum of Mirrors?” The largest mirror in die room shrink. It shrank once more to shade of a secluded tent, fol- The unfortunate Mr. Morky rested directly in front of die un- three inches. It shrank to one lowed a carny-man therein, paid entered tlie tent, shufHing cau- fortunate Mr. Morky. The master third of an inch. It shrank to a his quarter, found himself facing tiously behind the carny-man, in mirror it was, and into its flat cir- point— a mere point of custard a flat mirror, watched his image the manner in which all custard- cularity stared the unfortunate pie. And then — it disappeared perform, and suddenly, as it dis- pie people are cautious. Mr. Morky, gazing at one thou- into negative infinity. appeared, discovered that he was

68 —

70 FANTASY AND SCIRNCE FICTION Eager as a the hot scent a veteran dog-fox, our hurtling toward positive infinity. into an infinite multiple division. hound on of On the way, he met the other When the unfortunate Mr. Morkys man Pettifogle returned from The Village with the following Mr. Morky, who was still strug- had filled all the moebius cul-dc- report: '‘Contributor small b stroke two two point five capital gling to get back, there a sacs, they started overflowing and was letter S for Shockley, Robert (middle name, if any, unknown). collision. He fused with himself, dropping into this or that time ‘Captain Sheckley in every port from the Seychelles to the Unfortunately, it was an abnor- strata. fuamotus. Very fly at playing the Spanish guitar (classical mal fusion, quite cancerous; all The unfortunate Mr. Morkys 34. raised. that custard pie started dividing arc still coming. and flamenco). Age NY-born, Alaplewood (N.J.) and re-dividing and re-re-dividing It's a damn conformist world. Served his author’s apprenticeship by working as landscape gardeners navvy, pretzel salesman, hoard man in handpainted necktie studio, and by serving fifteen months in Korea (United Through Time And Space With Ferdinand Feghoot: LV States Army). Graduated NYU, /52. Written and. sold SF ever since. Believed to he only SF author to have sailed own boat The natives of QSgg III, besides being exceedingly vain of tbeir sci- singlehanded from Fla. to NY and hack. Married to the former ences and arts, were the busiest non-humanoids in the galaxy. In Ziva Perach-Quitney. Marriage described as ‘five years of ab- their desire to excel, they produced new theories and gadgets by the solute togetherness, broken only by occasional trips to the hundreds of thousands, created astounding new architectures, bathroom.’ Abstemious os to hard liquor, smokes copiously made mobiles, painted, and composed concerti from morning to night. Only in the performing arts were they really inferior, and of cigarettes. Five collections of (SF) short stories, two SF they struggled for years to perfect electronic musical instruments novels, two suspense novels, and one of which Contributor which would function properly in their highly charged atmosphere. bf22.5 S. says ‘somewhat ambiguously called “a novel of great Finally, in 2992, tliey announced Uieir success, boasting of a con- tension” aimed, of course, at the rapidly growing Tension ductor’s baton which automatically controlled all charged atoms. Market.’ Most recent books: Novel, “Live Gold” (Bantam), It was Ferdinand Feghoot, the most honest, perceptive, and short story collection, “Shards Space” (Bantam), novel, sensitive of all critics, whom they asked to be the sole judge at the SF of premiere. The program consisted of El Amor Brujo, Nights in the Man In The Water” (Begency). Is tall, quiet, wears eye- Gardens of Spain, La Vida Breve, and all of The Three Cornered glasses, red shirts, and the type shoes Boers hunt wildebeest Hat. in. Savage when interrupted at work; otherwise, mild. Some- Feghoot listened attentively to the quite splendid performance, times lives in Spain, Mexico, Greenwich V. Plays poker.” The and it was some time before he sadly delivered his verdict— that last RoheH Sheckley story in F6-SF was The Girls and Nugent they had failed to surpass tlie greatest musicians of Earth. 'They were stricken. Heaping tirq on tlieir nz\ they burst into Miller (March, 1960); perhaps his best-remembered one is The the shrill pentatonic wail which was their form of weeping. Monsters (March, 1953) [“It is hard to believe that someone "Please, please," begged Ferdinand Feghoot, touched to the so completely human could repoH so concisely, yet so core. "Please don’t take on so! Believe me, it’s not any lack of thoroughly, the essentials of an alien race’s mores and psychol- ability. You’ve just got too many ions in de Falla!” ogy as Mr. Sheckley does.”—Anthony Boucher]. Mr. Sheckley —Grendel Briarton C'i^ith thanks to Hugh Franklin') has done nothing quite like this novel (nor has anyone else), See Feghoot advertisement in “Marketplace," page 1 29. although hints of his ability to do it are plain in his stories. You will laugh often, but often the laughter will end with a little

71 THE JOUKKEV 01- JOENES 73

bubble of blood at the corner of your mouth. It is no mean 21st century writing concerning unfolding narrative, with a begin- hook that you are about to begin for the first time. We envy Joenes. ning, a middle and an end. But you. lum’s meeting with the reader is warned not to expect JOENES, from the Book of Fiji, a consistent and rationally ordered Orthodox edition. story. Your editor could, of course, HOW LUM joined THE ARMY, have taken from or added to tlic also from the Book of Fiji, Ortho- various parts, imposing his own THE JOURNEY OF dox edition.' sense of order and style upon tlie All of the other stories are from whole. But he thought it best to JOENES the oral tradition, deriving from leave the talcs as they were, in Joenes or his followers, and hand- order to give the reader the entire by ROBERT SHECKLEY ed down from generation to gener- unexpurgated Journey. This ation. The present collection puts seemed only fair to the storytel- into written form the words of the lers, and the only way to tell the most famous present-day storytel- whole trutli about Joenes, the ix:o- INTRODUCTION representative of the spirit and lers, witlioiit any alteration in ple he met, and the strange world temper of the times. their various viewpoints, idiosyn- he travelled through. crasies, st ’le, Aside taking down the Joenes’s fabulous world is over a Our book, tlicn, is a collection moralities, 5 com- from thousand years behind us. We of tales about the far-travelling ments, and so forth. We would like exact words of the storytellers, and know that Joenes's Journey began Joenes and about his marvellous to thank those storytellers for gra- copying the two written accounts, around the year 2000, and ended and tragic century. A few of the ciously allowing us to put their your editor himself has invented in our own era. We also know that tales are from written records. But words upon paper. These men are: nothing, and has added no com- the age tliroiigh which Jocncs trav- most of them come to us through Maubingi of Tahiti ments of his own to the tales. Flis are last elled was remarkable for its indus- the oral tradition, handed down Ma’aoa of Samoa only remarks in the chap- trial civilizations. 21st century from storyteller to storyteller. Paaui of Fiji ter of the book, where he tells of mechanical articulation gave rise Aside from this book, the only Pelui of Easter Island the Journey's end. to many strange artifacts which no written account of the Journey ap- TelcLi of Iliiahine Now, reader, we invite you to present-day reader has ever en- pears in the recently published Fi- We have used the particular meet Joenes, and travel with him countered. Still, most of us have jian Tales, where, for obvious rea- tales or group of tales for which through the last years of the old ac- first tlic learned at one time or another sons, Joenes’s role is rendered sec- each of these men is most world and the years of is be- what the ancients meant by “guid- ondary to tliat of his friend Lum. claimed. Credit given at the new. of story. ed missile,” or “atom bomb.” Frag- This is quite untrue to the spirit ginning each And we apologies the ments of some of these fantastic of the Journey, and false to the make our to many excellent storytellers we have been creations can be seen in many content of the stories tliemselves. JOENES BEGINS HIS JOURNEY to in this volume, museums. Because of this, we have felt the unable include Tahiti.) Beyond a doubt, Joenes himself necessity of this book, in order and whose contributions will have (As told hy Maubingi of to await the compilation of a vari- was an actual person; but there is that the entire body of Joenes hero, Joenes, lived upon no way of determining tiie au- Stories may be rendered fai^fuUy orum Joenes. Our the reader’s a small island in the Pacific Ocean, thenticity of every story told about in written form, to be preserved For convenience atoll lay miles east him. But even those which are for future generations. these stories are arranged sequen- an which 200 tially, as continuing chapters of an of Tahiti. This island was called considered allegorical are still This volume contains all of the :

74 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 75

Manituatua, and it was no more itable works; Austin Modred, who the people when they heard this, ture fills me with dread, for I do than two miles long by several had political connections through- for the island of America was not know what fate awaits me in hundred yards in widtli. Surround- out the state; and many others. Imown to be more dangerous than the cold world to the east. I only ing it was a coral reef, and beyond These men, whose financial em- the unpredictable ocean itself; and know a man must go, must look at the reef lay the blue waters of the pire had been hard-pressed of late, the Americans were reputed to be fame and fortune, and if need be, I^acific. To this island Joenes’s par- voted for a consolidation of their sorcerers and warlocks, who, at death itself. For only in an un- ents had come from America, to power, and an immediate disposi- through subtle enchantments, derstanding of the great world to tend the equipment which supplied tion of all unprofitable holdings. could change the entire way of a the cast, which I have heard of most of Eastern Polynesia with This decision, simple as it seemed man’s thinking. Nevertheless, only through my departed parents electrical power. at tlie time, had far-rcaching con- Joenes was determined to go. anc! their books, can I ever returii When Joenes’s raotlier died, his sequences. He was affianced to a Manitua- and spend my life here in these father labored alone; and when In distant Manituatua, Joenes iTinn girl of golden skin, almond islands.” his father died, Joencs was re- received word of the Board’s de- eyes, black hair, a figure of the 'Fhc lovely 'Fondelayo gave quested by the Pacific Power Com- cision, which was to cease opera- greatest piquancy, and a mind careful attention to these words, pany to continue in his father’s tion of the Eastern Polynesian wise in the ways of men. Joencs and pondered them long. And then place. And this Joenes did until power station. proposed to send for this giri, the island girl spoke to Joenes these his twenty-fifth year, when cir- Thus Joenes was out of a job. whose name was Tondelayo, as words of simple philosophy which cumstances forced a change. Worse still, he had lost an entire soon as he had established himself had been passed down from mother These circumstances were way of life. in America; or, if fortune did not to daughter from time immemorial formed in the executive office of During the next week, Joenes favor him, to return to her. Neither “Hey, you fella white men all the Pacific Power Company, which gave considerable thought to his of these proposals met with Ton- alike, I think. You chumbi-chura- was situated in San Francisco, on future. His Polynesian friends clelayo’s approval, and she spoke bi aliatime little wahine okay, then the Western Coast of America. urged him to stay with them on to Joencs in the following fashion, you want walkabout look for cluim- Here, pot-bellied men wearing Manituatua; or, if he preferred, to and in the local dialect then prev- bi-chiimbi alongside popaa white suits, neckties, shirts and shoes had go to one of the larger islands such alent: woman American, I think. My gathered around a circular table as Hiiahine, Bora Bora, or Tahiti. “Hey! you foolish popaa fella word! And yet, the palm grows, made of gleaming teak. These men Joenes listened to their propo- want one time go Mclica? For why, the coral spreads, but man must of the Round Table, as they were sals, and then went to a private hey? More coconut in Mclica, die.” called, had much of liuman des- place to think. He emerged from maybe? Bigger beach? Better fish- Jocne.s could only bow his head tiny in their hands. Chairman of this place in three days and an- ing? No! You think maybe better to the ancestral wisdom of the is- the Board was Arthur Pendragon, nounced to the waiting populace chiunbi-chumbi, hey? I tell you land girl. But liis decision was not a man who had inherited his po- his intention of going to America, no. More better you stay along- shaken. Joencs knew tliat it was his sition, but had been forced to wage his parents homeland, there to see side here me one time, my word!” destiny to sec the land of America a grim proxy fight before he could with his own eyes the U'Onders In tliis fashion tlie lovely Tonde- from which his parents had come; take his rightful place. Once es- about which he had read, to dis- layo reasoned with Joenes. But there to accept whatever danger of- tablished, Arthur Pendragon had cover if his destiny lay there; and Joenes answered: fered or danger preferred, and to fired the Old Board of Trustees, if not, to return to tlie people of “My darling, do you think it come to terms with the unknowable and had appointed his own men. Polynesia witli a clear mind and pleases me to leave you, tlie epi- fate which lies in ambush for all Present were Bill Launcelot, a man open heart, ready to perform what- tome of all my dreams and the men. He kissed Tondelayo, who of vast financial strength; Richard ever services they required of him. crystallization of my desires? began crying when she saw that Galahad, well-known for his char- There was consternation among No, my darling, no! This depar- her words did not move him. 76 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 77 %

The neighboring chiefs gave a This boat came in from one of “Goody for you,” I told him. understood, which was just as well farewell feast for Jocnes, in which tliose places and this guy got cfV. "And I can play the guitar,” he because the tunes were a little diey served island delicacies such He was a tall, lean sort of guy with said. square. The tourists lapped it up as canned beef and canned pine- a real-looking tan, a big .set of '‘VVcH man,” I said, "why didn’t like it was AT & T, and Joenes apple. When the trading schooner shoulders on him, and he was you say so in the first place instead collected $8.30, which was enough touched at their island with the wearing a shirt made of canvas of coming on heavy ^vith all the for a nice big loaf of Russian Rye weekly supply of rum, they sadly and a pair of bcat-iip pants and electricity bit? I know a cappucino and don’t give me that unpatriotic bade tlieir beloved Joencs farewell. no shoes at all. So naturally I place you can'play, maybe get some bit, and sonic other stuff besides. So it was that Jocncs, with the thought he was OK. I mean he tips from the sc|uarcs. You got any And this little chick no more than melody of the islands ringing in his looked OK. So I came up to him bread, man?” 5T" latched onto him, because cars, made his way past Huahine and asked him if this was the boat Thi.s Jocnes barely spoke Fng- Joene.s was that sort. I mean he and Bora Bora, past Tahiti and the stulf had come in on. lish, so I had to explain it all to was big and tall and he had shoul- Hawaii, finally to arrive in the city This character looked at me, him like I was drawing a blue- ders like grandaddy’s old ox yoke, of San Francisco upon die west- and said, "My name’s Joenes, I'm print. But he caught on pretty fast, and a big sweep of blonde hair ern coast of America. a stranger here.” about the guitar scene and the which was sunstreaked. A guy like So I knew at once he wasn’t squares, and 1 offered him he me lias more trouble, because even with it, and I sort of stared away. could hunk for awhile in my pad. though I got a beard I'm built 2. lum’s meeting with lie .said, "Do you know where I I mean with my chick gone bad, short and thick and sometimes it JOENES could find a job? I’m new in Amer- why not? And this Joenes, he takes a while. But Jocnes he was (hum's (nvn words, as recorded in ica, and I want to find out about flashed me a smile and said sure, like magnetic. He even attracted the Book of Biji, Orthodox edi- it, and learn what America has for he’d go for that. And he asked me the sunglasses, who asked him if tion 0 me, and what I have for America.” what the situation was locally, he’d ever joypopped, but I pulled I started looking at him again and aside from that, what we did him off that, because the peyote Well I mean, you know how it because now 1 didn’t know; I mean for kicks? He sounded OK even if had come and why trade a head- is. It's hke Hemingway said; the it didn’t look like he was with it, he was a foreigner, so I told him ache for an upset stomach? booze goes bad and the chick goes hut not everyone is a hipster these that chicks could be found, and So Joencs and this chick, who bad and where are you? So I was days and sometimes the simple ap- that for kicks he’d better stick with was named Dcirdre Feinstein, and at the waiting if it down docks on the proach you can make work me and look-see. He dug tliis so we another chick she got for me, we shipment of peyote will take all to that weekly and I you the way went to the pad, where I gave him all went back to the pad. I showed wasn't really doing anything, I big Tea House in the Sky run by a sandwich of that real rye bread Joencs how you take the peyote just standing around and Pusher of Tlicm All. I was dig- the Biggest with the little seeds and a slab of buds and mash them down and so ging it all the people, the big mean maybe he was playing it zen — Swiss cheese from Switzerland, not forth, and we all took it and we ships, the Golden Gate, you know. with this looked like cornball. what Wisconsin. Jocncs was so far down came on. I mean we came on, but I had just finished a sandwich Jesus cornball, but he was was I had to loan him ray axe, on ac- Jocncs lit uji like a 1000 watt made of Italian salami on real with it, and all of us would he for count he had left his own guitar in Mazda bulb and even though I bread, black pumpernickel and him if only tlie squares w’ould leave the islands, wherever the islands warned him about the fuzz what with the peyote coming, alone. So I said to this I him Joenes, were. And that night we made the who are patrolling the streets and feeling so bad. I There anything wasn't mean "You want a job? coffeehouse scene. alleys of San Francisco these days sometimes you just don’t feel so you can do?” Well Jocncs came on big that looking for anybody who’s on any- bad, you’re out there digging it, said to "I can operate Joenes me, night witli the guitar and songs, be- thing so they can use those beauti- even if the chick has gone bad. an electrical transformer.’' cause he sang in a language no one ful new California jails of theirs, "

78 FANTASY AND .SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 79

Joenes insisted on standing on pounded on the ceiling and in- "OK, sister, come witli us. We’re I suggest that you mind your own the bed and maldng a speech. It formed us this was one party too booldng you, dig?" buster, and don’t play that ukelele was a pretty nice speech, because much and that they had informed And struggling and lacking, on tlic sticets after 12:00.” tliis big shouldered laughing boy the cops, by which they meant the they pulled poor Deirdre toward I mean, he was being nice in from the faraway hills was really fuzz. the cop car. I could see Jocnes’s his way. turned on for the first time, and he Joenes and the girls were face setting itself in thoughtful, But Joenes then made a speech put down The Word as follows: conked, but I pride myself on cop-hating lines, and I was afraid which was a beauty, and I cannot friends, I "My have come to you keeping a clear head for the danger of trouble since filled with peyote recall it word for word, but the a from faraway land of sand and no matter what is drifting in my as he was lie loved Deirdre and in- idea was that laws are made by palm upon a voyage of discovery, lungs or dancing in my veins. 1 deed everybody except the fuzz. man and thus must partake of I count and myself fortunate above wanted to flush the rest of the I said to him, "Man, don’t do a the evil nature of man, and that all men, for ui^oii this first night peyote, is so with my but Deirdre, who thing, tlii.s scene’s gotta split and true morality lies in following llie land it in your I have been taken to she sometimes scares you, insist- if Deirdre won’t, .she won’t, I mean true dictates of the illuminated your leader, King Peyote, and have ed upon secreting tlie remaining she’s always fighting cops ever soul. been raised up instead of put buds in her maiden-form, where, since she came out here from New "A Commie, huh?” said the lead down, and have been shown the she insisted, they would be safe York to study zen, and she gets cop. And in a trice, or perhaps of the are wonders world which from any harm. I got them all out pulled in all the time so it’s no big even sooner, they dragged Joenes turning red presently before me of the pad, Joenes with my guitar deal, especially since her father is into the cop car. and falling like a waterfall. To my clenched in his sunburnt fist, and Sean Feiiistein who owns like any- Well naturally Deirdre was dear comrade, Lum, I can only we got down none too soon, for a thing you can name in live seconds. sprung the following morning, on praise without sufficiency this act patrol car full of fuzz had just ar- So the cops just sober her up and account of her father, and maybe beatitude. of To my new sweet- rived. I cautioned the group to let her go. So don’t make the move, also because of her winsome ways heart, the luscious Deirdre Fein- walk straight ahead like little sol- man, don’t even look back, be- which arc the talk of San Francis- stein, let tell I me you that sec a diers because you can’t play any cause your father is not Sean Fein- co. But though we searched high great flame growing within, and a games when you got stuff on you. stcin, or indeed anybody I ever and low, and even as far afield as high wind blowing without. To But I hadn’t counted on how far heard of.” Berkeley, we saw no sign of girl, I unfortu- that Lum’s whose name gone Deirdre was. In this way I tried to soothe and Joenes. catch, that I nately didn’t I say We started walking and the cops reason with Joenes, but Joenes No sign, I tell you! What had love you like a brotlicr, incestu- came by and gave us cop-like looks, stopped, a heroic figure under the happened to this blonde troubador ously, yet with innocence and an and we kept on walking and the lamplights, his fist clenched white with tlie sunstreaked hair and a born of self-born innocence. And fuzz started passing remarks about — around my guitar, his eyes all- heart as big as all outdoors when furtlier beatniks and immorality and such. knowing and all-forgiving except properly illuminated? Where had Well, this Joenes didn’t have I tried to keep the group moving, for cops. And he turned. he gone, witlr my guitar (A gen- voice. matter but that Deirdre exactly a small As a wouldn’t be called The lead cop said, "You want uine Tatay) and my second-best fact, like lion down. She of he sounded a sea turned on the fuzz and something, kid?" pair of sandals? I suppose tliat is sound told them in rutting season, which a what she thought of Joenes said, “Take your hands only tlie cops know, and they will out there should miss. them, which very ” none of you was a unwise from off that young lady not tell. But still I remember him, it too for the pad, tiling to do if got a vocabu- But was much you’ve The cop said, “This drug addict, Joenes tlie sweet singer, who, at because the neighbors upstairs, who lary and a creative imagination like whom you call a young lady, is in the gates of hell, turned back to

8 : Deirdre has. are square types that get up at 00 violation of section 431.3 of die look for his Eurydice, and suffered the bit, The top in the morning to do cop, a sergeant, said, Code of the City of San Francisco. thus the doom of Orpheus the gol- ” ” ”

THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 81 80 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION occurring in the same period of 24 anism, was not part of a detailed den-voiced. I mean it was a little He said, “This man, by his own ad- hours!” plot directed toward inner dissen- different but still it was all tliere, mission, has been accused of no "They weren't facts,” Joenes sion and for the purpose of pav- and who luiows in what distant crime whether of commission or said, “tliey were people.” ing die way for outer aggression, lands Joenes and iny guitar are omission. We have asked him here "The committee does not re- and diat in tliis attempt you had wandering? merely to talk, as is our congres- quire you to be facetious,” Pelops the silent approval, If not the ex- sional privilege and duty. And yet, said sternly, "I will warn you here plicit direction, of certain persons his very words betray a conscious- and now that facetious, unrespon- in our own State Department? And 3. THE CONGRESSIONAL ness of guilt. Gentlemen, 1 think sive, or misleading answers, as that, linally, this speech, which COMMITTEE we must pursue this a little fur- well as no answers at all, can be you disguised under an apparent (As told hy Ma'aoa of Samoa.') ther.” interpreted as contempt of con- intoxication, and which you gave Joenes said, “I want a lawyer.” gress, which is a federal offense under your presumed right to act Joenes could not know that a Pelops said, "You cannot have a punishaiile by up to a year in subversivcly in a democracy where committee of the American Senate lawyer, since this is only a congres- prison.” the power to retaliate, or so you was presently in San Francisco, sional fact-finding committee and “I didn’t mean anything,” Joenes thought, is hamstrung hy a Consti- carrying out investigations. But the not an arraignment. But we will said quickly. tution and a Bill of Rights which police knew. They sensed intui- take careful note of your request for "Very well, Mr. joenes, we will however is not, as you might think, tively that Joenes was a likely wit- one. continue. Do you deny that the designed to aid tlic lawless, but ness for these investigations, and “Tell me, Mr. Joenes, do you content of your speech last night rather to preserve the liberties of they took him from the jail to the believe in the speech you made concerned the so-called right "which tlie people against godless mer- room where the Committee was last night in tlie streets of San you insisted every had to cenaries such as yourself? Did you meeting in executive session. Francisco?” man overthrow the legally constituted or did you not, Mr. Joenes? I ask The Committee Chairman, "I don’t remember any speech,” only a simple yes or no.” whose name was Senator George said Joenes. law of this land? Or, to put it in another way, do you deny that you “Well,” Joenes said, “I'd like to W. Pelops, immediately asked "You refuse to answer the ques- — incited to rebellion those dissidents clarify Joenes what he had to say for him- tion?" who might be swayed by your "The cjiiestion, Mr. Joenes,” said self. “I can’t answer it. I don’t re- foreign-inspired words? Or, to make Pelops in an icy voice. “Kindly an- “I haven’t done a thing,” Joenes member. I believe I was intoxi- the matter perfectly plain to you, swer the question .yes or no.” said. cated.” that you Joenes said, “I stand upon “Ah,” replied Pelops, "has any- "Do you remember who you advocated violent over- my tiirow of the government Constitutional rights, namely the one accused you of doing any- were with last night?” which necessarily rests upon the laws first and fifth amendments, and re- thing? Have I accused you? Have “I think I was with a man of that government? Can you spectfully decline to answer.” any of my illustrious colleagues? If named Lum, and a girl named argue — that the sum and content of your Pelops smiled thinly. “You so, I would like to hear of it at Deirdre may once." “We do not require their names,” speech was a violation of those lib- not do so, Mr. Joenes, since the erties which our Founding Fath- Constitution to which you so "No sir,” Joenes said. "I just Pelops said hastily. "We simply now — ers gave us, allow fervently cling has thought asked you if you remembered who and which such been re-inter- "Thoughts are not admissible as you were with, and you said you as you to speak at all, as you sure- preted, or ratlier brought up to ly evidence,” Pelops said. do so remember. I put it to you, would not be allowed to do in date, by tliose of us who wish to Soviet Russia? it Pelops then scratched his bald Mr. Joenes, that it is a convenient Will you presume preserve from change and dese- head, adjusted his spectacles, and memory which remembers one set to tell us tliat this speech, masked cration. The amendments you under the garb of harmless bohemi- glared full into a television camera. of facts and forgets another, both mention, Mr. Joenes — or should I " ”

82 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 83 say Comrade Jocnes —will not per- day when a Russian army occupies traitors, would you mind telling judged a probability so strong as to mit you to be silent for reasons the city of Washington, D. C. Thus us the location of your cell? ISIo? be a certainty. Furthermore, you which any judge of the Supreme I speak against this man, this Tell me, Comrade Jonski, docs the yourself gave us the name by which Court would have been glad to tell Comrade Jonski, not as a senator, name Ronald Black mean anything Ronald Black was known in the you—had you cJwsen to ask hriiir but rather as one wdio was once a to you? Or to put it more simply, Party, a name which wc hitherto There was no answer to this child in the hill country soiilh of when did you last sec Black?” had not known. And that, I tliiiik, crushing rejoinder. Jocnes turned Sour Mountain, who fished anti “I never met him,” Joenes said. is siillicicnt.” “1 beet red and then lily white. But hunted in the deep woods, who “Never? That is a very big word, “Look,” said Joenes, don’t: he was momentarily saved by the grew slowly to an awareness of Mr. Joenes. 'Are you trying to tell know this Black or what lie did.” intefvenlion of one of the members what America meant to Jiim, whose me that at no time could you have In somber tones Pelops stated, of the committee, Senator Trcllid. neighbors sent him to Congress to met Ronald Black? That you might "Ronakl Black was convicted of “Hxcusc me, sir,” Senator 'i'rellid represent them and tlieir dear ones, not have hnwcciilly passed lliis stealing llic plans for the new said to Pelops, “and excuse me all and who now feels called upon to man in a crowd, or jx'rhaps at- Studebaker Roadclingcr Super V- of you who are waiting for this make this declaration of faith. It is tended a movie with him? I doubt 12 Luxury Compact Convertible, man’s answer. I just want to say for this reason and this reason only if any man in America can so and selling those plans to an agent one thing, and I want it to go on that T say to you in ilie words of flatly state that lie h.ns never met of The Soviet Union. After a fair the record, because sometimes a the Bible, “Tvil is Bad!” Some of Ronald Black. Do you wish your trial. Black was executed in tlie man must speak out no matter bow the sophisticates among us mav statement to go on the record?” manner prescribed by the law. La- painful it is to him, and in spite laugh at this, but there it is and I “Well, I mean, J might have met ter, thirty-one of his associates were of that it might harjn him politi- believe it.” him in a crowd, I mean been in a discovered, tried, and executed. cally and economically, And yet, it Ihc committee burst into spon- crowd where he— was, but I don’t You, Comrade Jonski, will be as- is the duty of a man such as myself taneous applause at the old sena- know for sure sociate number 32 in the biggest to speak out when he must, and to tor's s]K‘ech. Although they had "But you allow tlie possibility?” spy ring wc have yet uncovered.” speak in spite of consequences, and heard it many times, it never failed “I guess so.’' Joenes tried to speak, but found ill full conscience, even if what he to elicit in them emotions of the “Excellent,” Pelops said. "Now himself speechless and trembling has to say goes against the great deepest and most exquisite sort. we are getting somewhere. Now 1 ill fear. power of public opinion. Therefore Now, white-lipped, Chairman Pel- ask you what crowd you met Black “This committee,” Pelops I want to say this. 1 am an old ops turned to Joenes. in, and what he said to you, and summed iiji, “has been granted ex- man, and I have seen many things "Comrade,” he asked, with sim- you to him, and what papers he tra-legal powers because it is in my time, and I have witnessed ple irony, “are you at this present passed you, and who you passed merely investigative, not punitive. even more. Perhaps I am not wise to time a card-carrying member of those papers to?” This is jicrhaps a shame, but the so speak, but I must tell you that I the Communist Party?” “I never met Arnold Black!” letter of the law must be followed. am deadset against injustice. Un- “I am not!” cried Joenes. Joenes cried. Therefore we now hand the secret like some, I cannot condone the Pelops said, “In that case, who "We have always known him agent Jonski over to the office of slaughter of the Hungarians, the were your associates during your as liotiald Black,” Pelops said. the Attorney-General, there to unlawful seizure of China, and the card-carrying days?” “But we are always glad to learn undergo fair trial by due process of communization of Cuba. I am old, “I didn’t have any associates. I Iiis pseudonyms. Note please that law, and to sufEer whatever punish- I have been called conservative, mean— you yourself admitted the possibil- ment that branch of the govern- but I cannot condone these things. ‘We understand very well what ity of your association with him, ment deems fitting for a self-admit- And, no matter who calls me what, you mean,” Pelops said. “Since you and in view of your admitted Party ted traitor who deserves only death, I hope I will never live to see the chose not to identify your fellow activities, this possibility must be This meeting is now adjourned.” 84 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOUKNEV OF JOENES 85 In this fashion, Joenes was Near Athens was Sparta, a mili- investigation showed that Jocncs’s sec penitents only through the swiftly transferred to the punitive tary power which had held leader- father had been a Dorian from eyes of the Oracle. branch of the government and ship over the Lacedaemonian cit- Mechanicsvilic, New York, and a When the high priest entered, bound over to the Attorney Gen- ies of upper New York State. magistrate of that community. Joenes prostrated himself before eral. Ionian Athens and Dorian Sparta And Joenes’s mother had been an him. But the priest raised him up had fought a disastrous war, Ionian from Miami, which was an and said, "My son, fear not. known as ihe war Between the Athenian colony deep in Barbari- Death is the common destiny of all 4. now JOENES WAS GIVEN States, and had lost their inde- an territory. Because of this, cer- men, and ceaseless travail is tlieir JUSTICE pendence to American rule. But tain influential Hellenes urged condition throughout the ephem- (A.s‘ told hy Pc’liri Ibcy were still Influential in the mercy for the erring son of re- eral life of the senses. Tell me, do of Easier island.') politics of America, especially spectable parents, and for the sake you have any money?” since AVashington had been the of Hellenic unity, which wa.s a Joenes said, “I have eiglit dol- The Attorney-General, to whom scat of Hellenic power. force to be reckoned with in Amer- lars and thirty cents. But why do Joenes was bound over, was a tall At first, the ease of Joenes ican politics. you ask, father?” man with a hawk face, narrow seemed simple enough, joenes Tlie Attorney-General, an "Because,” tlie high priest said, eyes, bloodless lips, -and a face had no important friends or ]iolUi- Athenian himself, thought it best "it is common practice for suppli- tliat looked as though it had been cal colleagues, and it seemed that to comply with this request. cants to make a voluntary sacrifice hammered out of raw iron. retribution might be visited upon Therefore he dissolved the Star of money to the Oracle. But if you Stooped and silently contemptu- him w'ith impunity. Accordingly Chamber and sent Joenes to the do not have the money, you can ous, startling in his black velvet the Attorney-General arranged for great Oracle at Sperry. This met give equally acceptable things cloak and ruilled collar, the Attor- Joenes to receive every possilile with approval, for the Sperry Ora- such as chattel mortgages, bonds, ney-General was the Ih’ing em- sort of legal advice, and then to be cle, like the Oracles at Genmotor stocks, deeds, or any other papers bodiment of his terrilde ofTtee. tried by a jury of his peers in the and Genelectric, was known to be men deem of value.” Since he was a servant of the famous Star Chamber. In this absolutely fair and impartial in "I have none of these things,” punitive branch of the govern- way, the exact letter of the law its judgments of men and their ac- Joenes said sadly. ment, his duty was to call down would be carried nut, but wilh a tions. In fact, the Oracles gave "Do you not own lands in Poly- retribution upon all who fell into comforting foreknowledge of the such good justice that they had re- nesia?” tlie priest asked. his hands, and to do so by any verdict which the jury would ren- placed many of tlie courts of the "I do not,” Joenes said. "My means in his power. der. For the punctilious jurors of land. parents’ land was given to tliein The Attorney-General's place of the Star Chamber, utterly dedi- Joenes was brought to Sperry by the government, to whom it residence was Washington, an- cated to the eradication of any and was told to stdiid before the must return. Nor do I hold other cient capitol of the Hellenic Con- evil, vestige of had never in their Oracle. This he did, although his properties, for in Polynesia such federacy. But he himself was a history given any verdict but guil- knees were shaking. The Oracle things are not important.” citizen of Athens, New York, ty. and was a great calculating machine “Then you own nothing?” the in his youtli had been an ac- After the verdict had been de- of the most complex Variety, with priest asked. He seemed distrubed. quaintance of Aristotle and Al- livered, the Attorney-General a switchboard, or altar attended "Nothing but eight dollars and cibiades, whose writings are the planned to sacrifice Joenes upon by many priests. These priests had thirty cents,” Joenes said, "and a distillations of American genius. the Electric Chair at Delphi, thus been castrated so tliey should guitar which is not my own but Athens was one of the cities of winning favor in the eyes of gods think no thoughts except of the belongs to a man named Lum in ancient Hellas, from which the and men. machine. And the high priest had distant California. But father, are American civilization had sprung. Tliis was his plan. But further been blinded also, so that he could these things really necessar)'?” 86 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 87

America, bearing ujion his head a At first light, the frenzied move- "Of course not,” tlic priest re- THE TENTH POWER is tlie curse and a promise, as well as a ments of the crowds began again, plied. "iSiit even cyberneticists degree and number in which the ten-year suspended sentence. He and people pushed and shoved must live, and an act of generosity penitent must labor in penal servi- departed hastily from Sperry and each other in their haste to get from a stranger is looked upon as tucic in order to correct the wrong; rode a train to the great city of somewhere and do something. pleasing, especially when the time namely ten years. New York. And what he did there Joenes wanted to learn the reason comes to interpret the words of THE SQUARE ROOT OF is a story which must now he told. for all of this, so he picked a man the Oracle. Also, some believe that MINUS ONE, being an imagi- out of tlic crowd and stopped a penniless man is one who has not nary number, represents a ficti- him. worked to amass money for the tious state of grace; hut being in- 5. THE STORY OT JOENES, "Sir,” Joenes said, "could you Oracle in case llie day of diviiic strumental, represents also the WATTS, ANT> THE POLICEMAN spare a moment of your valuable wrath should ever be upon him, possibility of power and fame for (As told hy Ma'aoa of lime and tell a stranger some- and who is therefore Jacking piety. tlic supplicant. Because of this, Easier Island.') thing about the great and pur- But tliat need not concern us. We the previous ten-year sentence is poseful vitality I see all around will now state your case, and ask suspended, Never had Joenes seen anything me?” for a judgment.” THE X VARIABLE represents like the great city of New York. The man said, “Whattsamatter, The priest took the Attorney- the incarnate furies of the eartli, Tlie ceaseless rush and bustle of so you some kind of nut?” And he General’s statement, and Joenes's among whom the supplicant shall many people was strange to him, hurried off. defence, and translated them into dwell, and who shall show him all but curiously exciting. When night But the next man Joenes the secret language in which the possible horrors. came, the frantic life of the city stopped gave the question careful Oracle listened to Uie words of THE COSIGN is the mark of continued unabated, and Joenes thought, and said, "You call it men. Soon there was a reply. the goddess herself, protecting the observed New Yorkers hurrying in vitality, huh?” The Oracle’s judgment was as supplicant from some of the terror and out of night clubs and dance "So it appears,” Joenes said, follows: of the furies, and promising him halls in tlieir quest for pleasure. glancing at die restless crowds SQUARE IT TO THE TENTH certain fleshy joys. Nor was there any lack of culture surging around them. "By the POWER MINUS THE SQUARE IT WILL COME AT LAST in the city, for great numbers of way, my name is Joenes.” ROOT OF MINUS ONE: TO ZERO, means that tlie equa- people were attentive to the lost "Mine’s Watts,” the man said, DO NOT FORGET THE CO- tion of divine justice and human art of the moving pictures. “as in Watts the matter?” In an- SIGN, FOR MEN MUST NEEDS need is balanced in this case. In the small hours of the night, swer to your question, I’ll tell you HAVE FUN. FURTHER YOU NEED NOT the city’s pace slowed. Then that what you see is not vitality. ADD IN X AS A VARIABLE, ME, means that the supplicant Joenes came upon many old men, It’s panic.” FREE-FLOATING, FANCY- may not apply again to tliis or any and some young ones too, who sat “But what are they in a panic FREE. other Oracle, since the rendering listlessly on benches or stood near about?” Joenes asked. IT WILL COME AT LAST is complete. subway exits. When Joenes looked "To put it in a nutshell,” Watts TO ZERO, AND MORE YOU into their faces he saw a terrible said, "they're afraid if they stop NEED NOT ME. So it was ^at Joenes received a nothingness, and when he spoke hurrying and pushing, somebody When this decision had been ten-year suspended sentence. And to tliem he could not understand will find out they’re dead. It’s a delivered, the priests met to inter- tlie Attorney-General had to obey their mumbled replies. These atyp- very serious matter being found pret the words of the Oracle. And the decision of the Oracle and set ical New Yorkers disturbed him, dead, because then they can fire this is what they said: him free. and Joenes was glad when morn- you from your job, foreclose all SQUARE IT means correct the Once freed, Joenes continued ing came. your bills, raise your apartment wrong. his journey through the land of ”

88 PANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 89 rental, and carry you squirming en makes after its head has been “Damn it,” the policeman said, “Well don’t forget it. Tm just a plain like to your grave.” chopped off. Because of this re- “iVe lost him again.” ordinary man, but a guy “Is gets sore. I Jo(?ncs found this reply scarcely flex, many of the walking dead he a criminal?" Jones asked. Watts me do my duty credible. He said, “Mr, Watts, are detected around churches, “Smartest jewel thief in these just like the book says, and in the these people do not look dead. And where some of them even try to parts,” the policeman said, mop- evening I go home and watch the ping his massive red brow. “Fie Friday evenings in actual fact, all exaggeration pray. Others can be found on TV, except on aside, they arc not dead, are park benches or near subway likes to disguise himself as a beat- when I go bowling. Docs that nik.” like they?” exits,” sound being a robot, like “lie talking to about Watts said?” “I never put exaggeration "Ah,” said Joenes. “When I was me the dead,” said. course not,” said. aside,” Watts told him. “But since walked in the city late last night walking Joenes “Of Joenes “FIc’s always making up those “That guy,” the policeman con- you’re a stranger, I’ll try to explain I saw certain men at those — stories,” the policeman told him. tinued, “talks about people not a little more. To begin with, places "Compulsive liar, that’s what he is. having no emotion. Let me tell death is merely a matter of defini- “Exactly,” said Watts, “Those Crazy. daugcrous as they you, I’m maybe no psychologist, tion. Once the definition was very arc the ones who no longer pre- And come. dangerous I I emotions. simple: you were dead when you tend that they arc not dead. But Expccially be- but Lnow got When cause he doesn’t carry a gun. I have this gun in hand, I feci stopped moving for a long time. others copy the living with a great You my can’t figure a criminal who doesn’t good. Does that sound like I got no But now the scientists have ex- and pathetic earnestness, hoping carry a gun. I’ve almost caught emotions? Furthermore, let me amined tliis antiquated notion to pass unnoticed. They can usu- him three times. I order him to tell you something. I was raised more carefully, and have done ally be detected because tlicy over- stop in the name of the law, just in a tough section of this city, and considerable research on the en- do it, cither by talking too much like the book says, and when he when I was a kid, I used to run tire subject. They have found out or by laughing too hard.” doesn’t stop, I shoot at him. So far with a gang. We all had zip guns that you can be dead in all impor- “I had no idea of all this,” I’ve killed eight bystanders. The and gravity knives, and we en- tant respects, but still go on walk- Joenes said. way I’m going, I’ll probably never joyed ourselves with armed rob- ing and talking. “It is a tragic problem, ” Watts make sergeant. They make me bery, murder and rape. Docs that “What are these important re- said. “The authorities arc doing pay for my own bullets, too,” sound like no emotion? And I spects?” Joenes asked. their best to cope with it, but it “But if this Watts never carries might of gone right on in that way, “First of all,” Watts told him, has assumed formidable propor- — a gun Joenes began, then from being a kid criminal to being “the walking dead are character- tions. I wish I could tell you other ” stopped abruptly. He had seen a an adult criminal, if I hadn’t met ized by an almost total lack of characteristics of the walking strange sullen expression cross the this priest. He wasn't no stuffed joyous emotionality. They can feel dead, and how they resemble the policeman’s face, and had seen his shirt, he was just like one of us, only anger and fear, though they old-fashioned non-walking dead, hand drop to the butt of his gun. because he knew^ that was the only sometimes simulate other emo- for I'm sure that you would find it “What I meant to say,” Joenes way he could reach us wild types. tions in the crude manner of a interesting. But now, Mr. Joenes, continued, “is there anything in He used to go out on stomps with chimpanzee pretending to read a I see a policeman approaching, what Watts told me about the us, and more than once I saw him book. Next, there is a robotic qual- and therefore I had better make walking dead?” cut the hell out of somebody with ity in their actions, which accom- my departure.” “Naw, tliat’s just a beatnik line a little switchblade he always car- panies a cessation of the higher So saying. Watts broke into a he makes up to kid people with. ried. So he was regular and we ac- thinking processes. Frequently, full sprint and raced tlirough the Didn’t I tell you he was a jewel cepted him. But he was also a there is a reflex motion toward crowd. The policeman started aft- thief?” priest, and seeing he was regular piety, which is not unlike the er him, but soon gave up the pur- “I forgot,” Joenes said. I let him talk to me. And he told frantic movements which a chick- suit and returned to Joenes. 90 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 91 me how I was wasting my life in. "You’re right. And I’ve got a long as there are good-hearted Truckdriver stories which that way.” beautiful wife and three wonder- men to help it along. 'There's more comprise it are told hy "He must have been a wonder- ful children. Tve taught them all law in the end of my nightstick Teleu of Huahine.) ful man,” Joenes said. how to slioot a revolver. Noth- than in all the musty old law- “He was a saint,” the police- ing’s too good for my family. And books. We bring them in and the As Joenes was walking along a man said, in a heavy brooding Watts thinks he knows something judges let them go. What about highway to the north, a truck voice. "That man was a real saint, about emotion! Christ, these that? Nice state of business, huh? stopped beside him. Witliin the because he did everything we did smooLli-talldng bastards get me so But us cops are used to it, and we truck were three men who said but he was good inside and told us sore sometimes I can feel my head figure one broken arm is worth a they would willingly give him a to get out of criminality.” coming off. It’s a good thing I’m year in stir, so we take care of a rule as far as they were going. The policeman looked Joenes in a religious man.” lot of the sentencing ourselves.” Very happily Joenes got into the eye and said, "Because of that "I’m sure it is,” Joenes said. Here the policeman drew his the truck and declared his grati- man, I became a cop. Me, whom “I still go every week to see that nightstick. With it in one hand, tude. But the truckclrivers said the everyone thought would end up in priest who got me out of the gang. his revolver in the oilier, he looked pleasure was tlicirs, since driving the electric chair! And that Watts He’s still working with kids, be- hard at Joenes. Joenes sensed the a truck was lonely work, even for has the nerve to speak of the walk- cause he's dedicated. lie’s getting sudden hugeness of the police- three, and they enjoyed talking to ing dead. I became a cop, and Tve sorta old to use a knife, so now it’s man's need to enforce law and or- different men and hearing of their been a good cop instead of some usually a zip gun, or sometimes a der. He stood utterly still, only adventures. This being the case, lousy trunk hoodlum like Watts. bicycle chain. That man has done hoping that the policeman, now they asked Joenes to tell what had Tve killed eight criminals in the more for the cause of law tlian all advancing toward him with shin- happened to him since he had left line of duty, winning three merit the youth rehabilitation centers in ing eyes, would not kill him or hjs home. badges from the department. And the city. I give him a hand some- break any bones. Joenes told these men that I’ve also accidentally Idllcd twen- times, and between us we’ve re- A crucial moment was ap- nothing had gone right since he ty-seven innocent bystanders who deemed fourteen boys who you proaching. But Joenes was saved had left his home, and everything didn't get out of the way fast would have tlionght were hope- at the last moment liy a citizen of had gone badly. Therefore he con- enough. Tm sorry about tliose peo- less criminals. Many of them arc the city, who, made absentminded sidered himself very unfortunate. ple, but I’ve got a job to do, and respected businessmen now, and by the tropic sun, stepped off tlie "Mr. Joenes,” said the first truck I can’t let people get in the way six have joined the police force. curb before the traffic light driver, “you have indeed gone when Tin going after a criminal. Whenever I see that old man, I changed to green. through misfortunes, But I am the And no matter what the newspa- fdel religion." The policeman whirled, fired most unfortunate of men, for I pers say, Tve never taken a bribe "I think that’s wonderful,” two warning shots, and charged have lost something more pre- in my life, not even for a parking Joenes said. He began backing toward the man. Joenes walked cious than gold, the loss of which ticket.” The policeman’s hand away, because the policeman had (|uickly away in the opposite di- I bemoan every clay of my life.” tightened convulsively aiound the drawn his revolver and was toying rection, and continued walking Joenes asked the man to tell his butt of his revolver. "Td give a widi it nervously. nortliward until he was beyond story. And this is the story which parking ticket to Jesus Christ liim- "There’s nothing wrong with the limits of the city. the first truckdriver told. self and np number of saints tliis country that good-heartedness would be able to bribe me. What and straight thinking won’t cure,” THE STORY OF THE 6. JOENES AND THE THREE do you think about that?” the policeman said, his jaws SCIENTIFIC TRUCICDRIVER TRUCKDRIVERS "I think you are a dedicated twitching. "Good always triumphs man,” Joenes said carefully. in the end, and it always will as (This and the three My name is Adolphus Propo- 92 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 93 nils, and by birth I am a Swede. this is generally ignored in a de- always a few organisms which es- me to fight a twelfth epidemic, Ever since I was a child, 1 loved mocracy, and is banned in a dic- caped my drugs. Also, there were with similar results, and then a science, believing it to be man- tatorship. But I saw these horrors mutations to be reckoned with. thirteenth, and so forth. kind's greatest servant. in Africa. And I learned tliat the Given die right environment, I This was the situation into Because of my humanistic in- same was true in the tropical learned that diseases could change which my scientific and humanis- stincts and my scientific inclina- parts of Asia, Central America, into new and virulent forms much tic zeal had carried me. But I was lions, T become a doctor. I ap- and India. All of these places faster than men could make or drunk witli fatigue, and half-dead plied for work at the United Na- were truly neutral, now through discover new drugs. with my labors, I had no time to tions Health Commission, desir- accident or through design, since In fact, I found that germs be- thing of anything but the immedi- ing the furthest and most they were engaged in a desperate Iiaved quite like humans in times ate problem. wretched place on earth. I was struggle for life itself. of stress. They showed every evi- But then the people of my dis- sent to a place on the coast of I was saddened by the per- dence of an astonishing will to trict took the problem out of my Western Africa, there to be the verted way in which science had survive; and quite naturally, the hands. They possessed very little sole doctor for an area larger than been used. But still I believed in harder one struck at them, tlie education, and they only saw the Europe. I was replacing a man science. I told myself that evil faster and more frantically they great epidemics which had rav- named Durr, a Swiss who had men of little vision had created spawned, mutated, resisted, and aged diem since my coming. Those died of the bite of a horned viper. much harm in the world; that' but at last, struck back. The resem- people looked upon me as a sort In this area there was a great humanitarians, working through blance was, to my way of thinking, of supremely evil witch doctor, prevalence of diseases. Many of science, would set it all right again. uncanny and unnatural. whose bag of healing drugs ac- these were known to me, for 1 had 1 set to work with a will, aided I labored prodigiously, trying tually contained the refined es- studied them in books. Others by humanists the world over. T to save the poor, patient, suffering sences of the diseases which had were new. The new ones, I went to the tribes within my dis- population. But disease out- ravaged them. They turned to learned, had been propagated ar- trict, treating their illnesses Avith stripped by latest drugs and raged their own witch doctors, who tificially, as part of the neutraliza- my supplies of drugs. My suc- with unbelievable violence. I was treated the sick with useless daubs tion of Africa. cesses were overwhelming. in despair, for no new drugs had of mud and bits of bone, and These diseases had wiped out But then the spawning dis- been invented to meet these new- blamed every deatli upon some in- several hundred million Western eases became resistant to my est ills. nocent tribesman. And they fled troops, who were engaged in com- drugs, and new epidemics began. Then I found that the germs, from me to an area of desolate bat against Eastern guerillas. The The tribes, although strong in in mutating to meet my new swamp, where food was scarce guerillas, too, were wiped out. their resistance, suffered terribly. drugs, had become vulnerable and disease was common. Also many species of animal had I wired urgently for newer once again to the old drugs. I could not follow them, since been destroyed, although a few drugs. These were sent to me, and Therefore, in a perfect frenzy of tlie swamp was in a different dis- had thrived. The rat, for example, I put down the epidemic. But a scientific fervor, I began to apply trict. This district had its own flourished. Snakes of all species few of the germs and viruses man- the old drugs once more. doctor, also a Swede, who gave multiplied. Among insects, there aged to survive, and disease spread Since I had come to Africa, 1 out no drugs at all, no pills, no in- was a great increase in flies and once again. had battled no less than ten major jections, nothing. Instead he got mosquitoes. Among birds, the vul- I requested newer drugs, and epidemics. Now I was beginning drunk every day on his own sup- ture had increased beyond count- these were also sent to me. Once to fight my eleventh. And I knew plies of alcohol. He had lived in ing. again disease and I were locked in that the germs and viruses would the jungle for twenty years, and I had never known about this mortal combat, from which I retreat before my attack, spawn, he said he knew what was best. state of affairs, since news like emerged victorious. But there were mutate, and strike again, leaving Left completely alone in my 94 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOXJENEY OF JOENES 95 district, I had a nervous collapse. THE STORY OF THE in tlie meter; petty larceny, be- the admittance guard was finally I was sent back to Sweden, and TRUCKDRIVER HONEST cause I had taken a peso from my able to close the gate. there I tliought about everything employer's till to put in the me- “I had always tliought that pris- that had happened. is Delgado, My name Ramon ter; vagrancy, because I had had ons were for the purpose of keep- I realized that science and my and I am from the land of Mexico. only a single peso on my person; ing people in, rather than out,” I humanism had helped no one. my My one great pride was in being resisting arrest, because I had ar- said to the guard. the contrary, science had On my an honest man. T was honest be- gued with the policeman; and "Tliey used to be,” he told me. done nothing but produce more tlie land, cause of laws of the creating a public disturbance, be- "But nowadays, with so many for- pain and suffering, and my hu- which told to be so, and which me cause I had wept when he took me eigners in the country, and so manism had foolishly attempted to been written the best of had by to die jail. much starvation, men break into wipe out other creatures for man's them from men, who had derived In a technical sense, all these prison merely to get three meals a benefit, and by doing so had up- universally accepted principles of things were true, so 1 considered it clay. There’s notliing we can do set the balance of forces upon the justice, and had fortilicd them no miscarriage of justice when the about it. By breaking into prison Earth. With so that all punishments men, judge found me guilty. Nor did I they become criminals, and we Realizing all this, I fled my will, would not just those of good complain when he sentenced me have to let them stay.” country, fled Europe itself, and obey. to ten years of imprisonment. 1 "Disgraceful!” 1 said. "But what came here. Now I drive a truck. I in labored for many years my knew that the law could be up- do foreigners have to do with it?” And when someone speaks to me village, saved my money, and led held only through stern and un- "They started all the trouble,” in glowing words about science an honest and upright life. One compromising luinishincnt. the guard sakl. “There’s starvation and humanity and the marvels of day I was offered a job in the I was sent to the Federal Peni- in their own countries, and they healing, I stare at him as though capital. I was very happy about tentiary of Morelos, and I knew know that we in Mexico have the he were insane. this, for I had long desired to see that it would be good for me to world's best prisons. So they come That is how I lost my belief in that great city from which the see the place where punishment is great distances in order to break science, a thing more precious to justice of country derives. my served out, and thus to learn the into our prisons, especially when me than gold, the loss of which I I used all savings to pur- my bitter fruits of dishonesty. they can’t break into tlieir own. bemoan every day of my life. chase an old automobile, and I When I arrived at the Peniten- But I suppose foreigners are really At the end of this story, the drove to the capital. I parked in tiary, I saw a crowd of men hiding no worse or better than our own second truckdriver said, "No one front of my new employer’s store, in the woods nearby. I took no people, who do the same thing.” would deny tliat you have had I found a parking meter. I where notice of them, for the guard at "If this is the case,” I said, misfortunes, Joenes. But these are Went inside the store in order to the gate was reading my commit- "how can the government enforce less than what my friend has just get a peso to put in the parking ment papers, lie studied them its laws?” told you. And my friend’s misfor- meter. I came out, I was ar- When with great care, then opened the "Only by keeping the truth a se- tunes are less than mine. For I am fested. gate. cret,” the guard told me. “Someday the most unfortunate of men, and I was taken before a judge who As soon as the gate was open, vve will be able to build peniten- I have lost sometliing more pre- accused me of illegal parking, pet- I was amazed to see that crowd of tiaries which will keep the right cious than gold and more valuable larceny, vagrancy, resisting ar- ty men come out of hiding, rush for- people in and the wrong ones out. than science, the loss of which I fest, and creating a public dis- ward, and force their way into the But until that time comes, the bemoan every day of my life.” turbance. prison. Many guards came out thing must be kept secret. In that Joenes asked the man to tell his The judge found me guilty of and tried to push the men back. way, most of the population still story. And this is the story which all these things. Of illegal parking, Nevertheless, some were able to believes they should fear punish- the second truckdriver told. because tliere had been no money get into the Penitentiary before ment.” TIIE JOURNEY OF JOENES 97 96 I'ANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

iug, would have been impossible. AH the prisoners were silent The guard then escorted me in- Frenchmen said. "Taking a parole Therefore, unaided, I tunneled when old Dantes finished speak- side the Penitentiary, to tlie ojGGice is extremely dangerous, and I am under tlie building. Three times I ing. At last I asked, “Was your of tire Parole Board. There a man the living proof of that. My name came up against sheer granite, sweetheart still here when you got asked me how I liked prison life. is Edmond Dantes. Many years forced to begin a new back?” I told him that I wasn’t sure yet. ago I was sentenced to this insti- and was else. old looked away, and “Well,” the man said, "your be- tution, and then offered a parole. tunnel search somewhere The man I almost to the inner a tear coursed down his check. havior for the entire time you have In the ignorance of my youth, 1 Once came courtyard, bjit the guards detected "Trustee 43422231 had died of been here has been exemplary. accepted it. But then, on the Out- and forced cirrhosis of the liver three years Reform is our motive, not re- side, I realized that all my friends me, counter-tunneled, back. I tried to para- previously. I spend time venge. Would you like an immedi- were still in prison, and that my me Once Now my ate parole?” collection of books and records chute onto the iirison from an air- in prayer and contemplation.” man’s tragic talc I was afraid of saying the were still here. Also, in my juv- plane, but a sudden gust of wind The old of wrong tiling, so I told him I enile rashness, I had left behind forced me away. Thereafter, no courage, determination, and wasn’t sure. my sweetheart, Trustee 4342- planes were allowed to lly over- doomed love had cast a gloom over "Take your time," he said, "and 2231. I realized too late that my head.” the cell. In silence we went to our return to this office any time you whole life was in here, and that "But how did you finally get evening meal, and no one showed want to be released.” 1 was shut out forever from the in?” I asked. good spirits until many hours Then I went to my cell. Within warmth and security of these “I returned to tlie prison dis- later. I found two Mexicans and three granite walls. guised as a special investigator. By then I had thought until my foreigners. One of tlie foreigners “What did you do?” I asked. At first the guards were reluctant head ached about tliis ‘whole

was an American, and the other “I still thought that criminality to let me pass. But I told them strange matter of men wanting to two were Frenchmen. The Ameri- would bring its own reward,” that the government was consid- live in prison. The more I thought, can asked me if I had accepted a Dantes said witli a wistful smile. ering a reform bill in which the more confused I became, So, parole. I said that I hadn’t yet. "So I killed a man. But the judge guards would be granted equal very timidly, I asked my cellmates “Damn smart for a beginner!” simply extended my period of pa- rights with the prisoners. They let whether freedom was not impor- said the American, whose name role, and the police broke all the me in, and I tlien revealed who I tant, and if they never hungered was Otis. “Some of the new con- fingers of my right hand. It was was. They had to let me stay, and for cities and streets, and for victs don’t know. They take a pa- then, while my fingers were heal- some man came and wrote my flowering fields and forests. role, and wham, they’re on the ing, that I resolved to get back in.” story. I only hope lie put it down “Freedom?” Otis said to me. outside looking in.” “It must have been very diffi- correctly. “It’s the illusion of freedom you’re “Is that so bad?” I asked. cult,” I said. “Since then, of course, the talking about, and that’s a very “Very bad,” Otis said. “If you Dantes nodded. “It called for a guards have instituted rigid meas- different thing. The cities you talk take a parole, then you don’t have terrible patience, because I spent ures which would make the repe- about contain only horror, inse- any chance of getting back into the next ten years of ray life at- tition of my plan impossible. But curity and fear. The streets are all prison. No matter what you do, tempting to break into this pris- it is an article of faith witli me blind alleys, with death at the end the judge just marks it down as a on.” that courageous men will always of every one of them.” parole violation and tells you not The other prisoners were silent. surmount the difficulties which "And those flowering fields and to do it again. And the chances are Old Dantes continued: society puts between a man and forests you mention are even you don’t do it again because the “Security was more rigid in his goal. If men are steadfast, they worse,” the second Frenchman cops have broken both your arms.” those days, and a rush through tlie too will succeed in breaking into told me. “My name is Rousseau, “Otis is right," one of the gates, such as you saw this morn- prison.” and in my youth I wrote several ,98 I'ANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION TtlE JOURNEY OF JOENES 99 foolish books based no ex- pravity of the desert, or the terror lack of gratitude. “You’ve heard place on eartli — but you have no perience at all, extolling nature of the jungle. But 1 noticed that the guards,” he said. “If our good women.” and speaking of man’s rightful nature, in her hatred of mankind; fortune were commonly known The prisoners tittered nervous- place in it. But then, in my ma- provided that most of the oarth’.s throughout the country, everyone ly, as if 1 had said something not ture years, 1 secretly left my coun- .surface be covered with sea, would be fighting to get in. You very nice. But Otis answered try and journeyed through this mountains, swamp, desert, and should be happy to be here, and calmly, “What you say is true, we nature I had spoken of with such jungle. happy that knowledge of tliis inar- have no women. But that is quite conlidcnccN "I need say nothing of carth- “1 vcllous place is confined to a few.” unimportant.” found out then how terrible c|uakcs, tornados, tidal waves, and “But the situation is changing,” “Uiiiinportant?” I echoed. nature is, and how it hates man- the like, in which nature reveals a Mexican prisoner said. “Even “Definitely," Otis said. “Some kind. I discovered that flowering the fullest extent of her hatred. though the government suppresses may experience a degree of dis- green fields make poor Avalking, “Man’s only escape from these the truth and presents imprison- comfort at first; but then one and are harder on a man's feet Iiorrors is in a place where nature than ment as something to be feared adapts to one’s surroundings. Aft- the worst pavement. I saw can be shut out. And obviously, and avoided, people are starting to er all, only women think that that the ero^DS which man plants the type of place most removed learn ihe IrLilh.” women arc indispensable. We arc unhappy hybrid.s, seduced of from nature is a prison. That is “It puts the government in a men know better.” their strength and kept alive only the conclusion I have reached terrible position," the oilier Mexi- The members of the cell cho- by men who fight back the con- after many years of study. And quering can prisoner said. “Tliey still have- rused their agreement with great weeds and insects. that is the reason why I repudiate n’t invented any substitute for animation. "In the forest, 1 found that the the words of my youth and live prison, although for a while tliey “Real men,” Otis said, “need trees communed only with tlicm- very happily here where I can tlioiight (jf making all crimes pun- only the company of other real sclvcs, and that every creature ran never see a green tiling.” ishable by death. They gave that men. If Butch were here he could from me. I learned that there are With that, Rousseau turned up, since it would directly affect explain all of tliis better; but beautiful blue lakes which may away and contemplated a steel the country’s military and indus- Butch is in the infirmary with delight your eye, but they are sur- wall. trial potential. So they must still double hernia, to the great sorrow rounded always by tlionis and "You sec, Delgado,” Otis said, sentence men to prison — the one of his many friends and admirers. swampy land. And when you fi- "the only true freedom is right place where they want to gol” But he would explain to you that nally reach them, you see that llie here, inside a prison.” Ail the cellmates laughed at any kind of societal existence in- water is a dirty brown. This I would not accept, and I tliis, because, being criminals, volves compromise. M'hen the "Nature also gives rain and pointed out that we were locked up they loved perversions of justice, compromises are great, wc call it drought, heat and cold; and here, which seemed contradictory And this seemed the greatest per- tyranny. When they arc small and thoughtfully ensures that the rain to the notion of freedom. version of all— to commit a crime easily arranged, like this minor rots man’s food, tlie drought “But all of us are locked up against the common good, and to matter of women, we call it free- parches it, tlie heat scalds man’s upon this eartli,” old Dantes an- be made happy and secure be- dom. Remember, Delgado, you body, and the cold freezes his swered me. “Some in a greater cause of that crime. can’t expect perfection.” limbs. place and some in a lesser place. I felt like a man walking I made no further attempt to These are only nature’s milder And all of us are locked up for- through some horrible nightmare, argue, but said tliat I wanted to aspects, not to be compared to the ever within ourselves. Everything for I had no argument with which leave the prison as soon as possi- wrathfulness of the sea, the frigid is a prison, and this place here is to answer these men. At last, in ble, indifference of the mountains, the the best of all prisons.” desperation, I cried out: ‘Ton “I can arrange your escape this treachery of the swamp, the de- Otis then belabored me for my may be free and live in the best evening,” Otis said. “And I think :

100 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 101

it is just as wel] that you go. Prison less than what my two friends that science had improved noth- Within, I found a great multi- life is not for any man who does have just told you. And my friends’ ing upon the earth, but had merely tude of people. Some were dressed not appreciate it.” misfortunes arc less than mine. caused great harm. Nor did I be- all in black, and others wore gor- That evening, when the lights For [ am the most unfortunate of lieve in human justice, law, free- geously embroidered costumes. in the prison liad been diinmcd, men, for I lost have something dom, or dignity. Even without the Among them sat a giant toad, as Otis raisctl one of the granite more precious than gokl, and experience of my Mexican friend, large as a man, who had a jewel blocks in tlie iloor of the cell. more At valuable than both science I could see for myself that man’s gleaming dully in his forehead. iJie bottom of this a passage- was and justice; the loss of w'hich I conception of justice, and every- I stared at the toad and at the way, Following this, 1 emerged at bemoan every day of life. my thing deriving from it, was faulty. multitude, and then I fell upon my last on the street, dazed be- and Joenes asked the man to tell his f had never doubted the unic]iie- knees. For I realized that those be- wildered. story. And this is the story which ncss of man, and his special place fore me were not human,

For many days 1 over thought the third truckdriver told. in the universe. But I felt that A man dressed as a clergyman experiences. I my At last realized man by liimself could never rise said, “Please come forward, Mr. that lionesty had my been nothing THE STOKY OF THE above the bestial cjualitics in his Schmidt. We liave been hoping but stupidity, since it had been RELIGIOUS THUCKDIHVEE nature. }Ou would visit us.” based upon ignorance a mis- and I'lierefore I turned to some- I raised myself and ivalkcd for- conception of the ways of the is My name Hans Schmidt, and thing greater than man. I turned ward. The clergyman said, “I am world. There could be no honesty, place my of birth is Germany. As wholeheartedly to religion. In this known as Father Ariaii. I would since there was no law to sanction a young man I learned about the was man's only salvation, his only like to introduce my esteemed col- it. The law had failed, and neither horrors of the past, and this sad- dignity, his sole freedom. In this league, Mr. Satan.” IHinishnicnt nor will good could dened me. Tlien 1 learned about could be found all the aims and The toad bowed to me and ex- it work. It failed I make had be- the present. travelled throughout dreams of science and humanism. tended a webbed hand. I shook the cause all man’s ideas of justice had Europe, and 1 saw nothing but And even though religious man toad's hand. been there wrong. Therefore was guns and fortilications stretching might be imperfect, that which he The clergyman said, “Mr. Satan no such thing as justice, nor any- all the way from Germany’s east- worshipped was perfect. and I, togedier with these others, thing deriving it. from ern frontier to tlic coast at Nor- This, at any rate, is what I be- represent tlie only true United And terrible as this was, even mandy, and from tlie North Sea lieved at the time. Church Council of Earth. We more terrible was this realization to the Mediterranean. Countless I held to no one belief, but in- have long noted your piety, that with no justice dicre could miles of these fortifications existed stead I studied all faiths, feeling Schmidt, and therefore we have be no freedom or human dignity; where village and forest had exist- that every religion was a pathway decided to answer any questions tlicrc could only perverted illu- be ed before, all neatly camouflaged, to that which is greater than man. you might wish to ask.'’ sions such as my cellmates 0 S' all for the purpose of blasting die I- i‘) gave my money to the poor I was beside myself with amaze- scssed. Russians and the East Europeans and wandered across the face of ment and thankfulness that this That is I lost sense how my of should they ever attack. This sad- Europe with staff and knapsack, miracle had been granted to me. honesty, a thing more precious to dened for me, I saw that the jires- striving always to contemplate the I addressed my first question to than gold, the me loss of wliich I ent was exactly the same as the Perfect, as it is expressed in the the toad, asldng, “Are you truly bemoan every day of my life. past, being nothing more than a many religious forms upon Earth. Satan, Prince of Evil?" At the end this story, tlie of Xireparatioii for cruelty and war. One day I came to a cave high “I have the honor to be that third truckdriver said, “No one Never had I believed in sci- in the mountains of tlie Pyrenees. person,” the toad replied. would deny that you have had ence. Even without the experience I was very tired, and I entered “And you are a member of tin* misfortunes, Joenes. But these are of my Swedish friend, I could see this cave to rest. United Church Council?” 103 102 FANTASY AND SCIENCE I’JCTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES

petty-fogging argu- “Why, of course,” the toad an- “Throughout the ages we have the universe witliout value and heard so many would swered. “You must understand, propounded our beliefs in various without reason, without good and ments throughout the ages, listen to us, help us, or even Mr. Schmidt, that evil is neces- ways, and according to various without evil, without gods and not acknowledge us. Like men, they sary ill order for there to be good. doctrines. Often we luivc aroused without devils. destruction to boredom. Neither quality cau exist without tlie pa.ssions of men to murder and “This was not a new position, preferred voluntarily went the other. It was only with this war. This was perfectly proper, of course, and we had dealt with "Therefore wc underground, here to plan tlie re- understanding that 1 took on my since it brought the problems of it very nicely in the past. But out from the ma- job in the lirsl place. You have morality and religion to their high- of the mouth of the machine it capture of mankind in this place perhaps heard that niy evil nalurc est and most ex(]ui.silc pilch, and seemed to acquire a new and ter- chine. Assembled palpable are all the re- is inherent? Nolhiiig could he fur- gave many complicated matters rible significance. and made world ther from the truth. A lawyer’s for us theologians to talk about. “Our jobs were threatened, ligious essenses which the character surely e,innot be ascer- "Wc argued nhvn)'S. and wc Schmidt. You can judge our ex- has ever known. tained from the cases he argues in published our various dissenting tremity. "And that, Schmidt, is why wc live underground. And tliat is also court. So with me. 1 am merely the opinions. But we argued like law- "We exponents of morality to talk to advocate of evil, and I try, like yers in a court, and nobody in his banded together in self defence. why we are very happy a pious any good laivyer, to ensure full right mind listens to a lawyer. All of us believed in good and you. For you are a man, in morality, in rights and privileges for my cli- Those were the days of oiir pride, evil, and in divinity. And all of man, a believer devils. ents. But I sincerely trust that I and ive never noticed that men us were opposed to the hideous good and evil, in gods and about us, am not evil myself. If such were had ceased to pay attention to us. nothingness preached by tire ma- You know something the case, why would so delicate “But tlie hour of our tribulation chine. This common ground was and something also about men. and important a task been given was fast approaching. AVhen wc more than sufficient. We joined Schmidt, what do you think we back our to me?” had covered the globe witli our forces. I was appointed spokes- should do in order to win Earth?” I was pleased vvilh Satan’s an- dull, intricately reasoned argu- man, for we felt tliat evil had a former positions on swer, since evil had always both- ments, a man chose to ignore us better chance of claiming men's Satan tlicn waited for my an- in ered me. Now I said, “Would it and build a machine. This ma- attention from ibe machine. swer, as did all the others. I was be presumptuous of me to ask chine was nothing new to us in es- “But even evil had grown staid a great state of perplexity, and what you, the representatives of sense; the only novel feature and dull. In vain I argued my also a terrible confusion. For who advise good and evil, arts doing here in about it was the fact that it pos- case. The machine sedulously in- was T> a mere man, to divinity this underground cave?” sessed a point of view. twined himself among the hearts them, the essenses of “It would not be presumptu- “Since the machine had a point of men, jircaching his message of which I had always looked to for ous,” Satan said. “Since we arc all of view, it set forth its owm ideas nothingness. Men chose not to see guidance? My confusion grew theologians here, wc love to give of the universe. And it did so the specioiisness of his doctrine, worse; I do not know what I answers. And tliat is tlie one ques- much more amusingly and con- nor the absurd contradictions in- might have said. tion we hoped you would ask. You vincingly than w'e did. Mankind, herent in his arguments. They But I had no chance to speak. will not object, of course, if I an- which had long sought for novelty, didn’t care, they wanted to go on Suddenly I saw tliat a squat, glit- swer in a theological manner?” turned to the machine. hearing his voice. They threw tering machine had entered tlie syn- "Of course not,” I said. "It was only tlien that w^e per- away dieir crosses, stars, daggers, cave. It rolled forward on “Excellent,” said Satan. ceived our danger, and the terrible prayer wheels, and tlie like, and thetic rubber wheels, and its lights "First of all, believe in good risk which good and evil ran. For listened to the machine. flashed merrily. and evil, in divinity, and in a the machine, amusing though it “We petitioned our various cli- “Gentlemen,” the machine said, you, moral universe. Just as you do. was, preached in machine fashion ents in vain; the gods, who had “I am most delighted to find THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 105 104 I'AN'TASY AND SCIENCE riCTION

fore I accuse you of a monstrous They had forgotten all about and only rcgict tliat I had to fol- The machine said, “Gentle- cruelty entirely inconsistent with me, so I crept silently out of the low this young pilgdni in order to men, you retreated so suddenly your stated principles when you cave and returned to the surface discover your whereabouts.” that I had no opportunity to dis- left me alone with mankind.” in a state of horror. Satan said, “Machine, you have cuss the situation w’itli you. All at There was a long silence after The horror grew worse, for indeed tracked us to our likling once you left the world in mv this. Then Father Arian said, quite nothing could persuade me tliat I place. But we shall never yield to hands, and myself as the only politely, ‘To tell you the truth, we had not seen the truth. you, and we shall never accept principle in it.” had no idea you considered your- Now I know tliat the things your mes.sagc of a valueless, mean- riic church council waited. self a theologian.” which men worshipped were notli- ingless universe.” "May T speak with utter frank- “I do,” the machine said, "and a ing but theological fancies, and ‘‘But what sort of a welcome is ness?” llic machine asked. very lonely theologian. That is that even nothingness was simply lliis?” tlic machine said. “I seek you “Under the circumstances, you I of to one more lying trick to persuade out in all good wall, and you im- may,” Satan said. why beg you return with me to the world, there to engage men of their importance to llie mediately bristle with rage! Gen- “Very well. Let us first recog- with in dispute about mcan- vanished gods. tlemen, I did not drive you under- ni/e that W'c are all thcoJogians,” me ingfulness and meaninglessness, That is how I lost religion, a ground. Instead you willfully ab- the machine said. “And since w’c gods and devils, morals and eth- thing more precious to me than dicated, and in your absence I are all theologians, wx’ should all ics, and other good topics. I will gold, the loss of which I bemoan have been forced to carry out your observ^e the first rule of our kind; voluntarily continue in such dis- every day of my life. work.” which is not to abandon cacli oth- crepancies as find per- "Our work?” Father Arian er, even though we may represent you me forming now, thus leaving plenty This was the end of the three asked. differing forms of belief. 1 think of for dissension, honest stories, and sat with the “Exactly. I have been instru- you will grant me that, gentlemen. room Joenes doubt, uncertainty, and the like. three truckdrivers in silence. At mental in the recent building of And yet, you abandoned me! Not Togctlier, gentlemen, last they to a crossroads, and over live hundred churches of vari- only did you desert mankind, but we will came reign over manidnd, and raise the here the man driving stopped the ous denominations. If any of you you also deserted me. You left me passions of to an unheard of truck. would inspect my works, you victorious by ilefault, the sole spir- men pitch! Togetlier we will cause “Mr. Joenes,” the first truckman would find good and evil being itual ruler of humanity — aiid ut- preached, and divinity and moral- terly l)ored, greater wars and more terrible said, "you must leave us here. For cruelty tlian the world has ever now we turn down this road to tlie ity, and gods and devils, and all “Put yourself in my position, the voices of east, to there the other things you hold dear. gentlemen. Suppose you had no- known! And suffer- our warehouse. And ing will is that forest For I have ordered my machines body to talk to but men? Suppose men scream so loud that nothing beyond but to preach these things.” day and night you heard nothing tlie gods themselves will be forced and ocean.” to hear them and then will got down. before “Macliines preaching!” Father but men eagerly stating and re- — we Joenes Just Allan moaned. stating your own words, with nev- know if there really are gods or the truck drove off, he asked the tliree a final question. “There is no one else left to er a skilled theologian to dispute not.” men preach,” the machine said. “No them? Imagine your boredom, and The United Church Council “You have each lost tlie most one, since you left your posts.” the doubts which that boredom felt a great enthusiasm for every- important thing in the world to tliing the machine had said. Satan you,” Joenes said. “But tell me, “We were driven into abdica- w'^ould raise in you. As you all tion,” Satan said. "We were forced know, men cannot argue; indeed, immediately abdicated his post as have you found anything to re- out of the world by you. And you most of them cannot carry a tunc. chairman and nominated the ma- place it?” chine his place. Delgado, be- say that you have built churches! And tlieology is, in the final analy- in The machine who had once M'hat is the meaning of this?” sis, only for theologians. There- was elected by unanimous vote. lieved in justice, said, "Nothing 106 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 107

die said can ever replace my loss. But I Joenes was considering the im- "Look, man,” Lum said, "this is "Heavens no!” doctor must admit that I am becoming plications of that when the man ihe most desirable artists’ colony with a merry laugh. ‘We workers afford to interested in science, which seems who had beckoned to him rushed in the east. Sure, we got a few in psychology cannot be mental to offer a rational and reasonable out the door and seized him by nuts here. We need something to rigid in our approach to illness. form insanity often world.” both arms. Joenes prepared to de- keep the doctors occupied, and of The of Proponus, the Swede who had fend himself when he saw that the course we would lose our govern- dictates its own treatment. Thus, find that forsaken science, said, “I am a to- man was none other tlian Liim, his ment grant and our tax-free status with melancholics, we face tally bereft man. But occasionally friend from San Francisco. if we didn't let in some nuts.” slapping them in the with a scallion-stained handkerchief usu- I ihink of religion, which is surely "Joensey!” Liim cried. "Man, I Joenes looked quickly around beneficial results in a greater force than science, and wa.s really scared for you after yon him, for he had never seen a mad- ally has terms general excitation level. more comforting.” came on with the fuzz back on tlie man before. But Lum shook his of the paranoids, it is often best to Schmidt, the German who had coast. I didn’t know how you a head and said, ‘‘Not here in the With enter the patient's delusion. Ac- forsaken religion, said, “I am in- stranger and maybe a little simple Day Room. The nuts are usually cordingly, set spies them, consolable in my emptiness. But too would make out in the States, kept chained in the cellar.” we on machines, and similar ap- from time to time I think about which is to say the least a compli- A tall, bearded doctor had been and ray paratus. In that way the patient justice, which, being man-made, cated place. But Dcirdrc told me I listening to this conversation. offers laws and a sense of dignity shouldn’t worry about you, and Now he said to Joenes, "Yes, we’ve loses his insanity, since we have manipulated his environment in to men.” she was right. I see you found the found llie cellar very good. It’s Joenes perceived that none of place.” moist and dark, and that seems to order to make liis fears a part of particular approach the truckdriver.s had listened to “The place?” Joenes said. lielp tlie excitable types.” reality. That is one of our triumphs.” the otlrer, since each was so taken "Sanctuarysville,” Lum said. “But why do you keep tliera in then?” Joenes up with his own trouble. So Joenes "Come on in.” chains?” Joenes asked. “What happens asked. waved goodbye and walked off, Joenes entered the Hollis Home “It gives them a sense of being have entered the pa- thinking of their various stories. for the Criminally Insane. Inside, wauled,” the doctor said. “Also, "Once we ranoid's world and made it a real- But soon he forgot about them, in the Day Room, Lum intro- the educational value of heavy ity, then try to alter the reality- for he saw a large house ahead of duced him to a group of people. chains must not be underesti- we framework so as to bring the pa- him. Standing in the doorway of Joenes watched and listened at- mated. Sunday is visitor’s day, to normality. have- that house was a man, and the tentively, but he could detect and when we bring people past tient back We n’t quite worked that out yet, but man was beckoning to him. nothing insane about these people. our howling, filth-laden madmen, theoretical line is promising.” He said as much to Lum. it creates an unforgettable picture the con- "As you can see,” Lum said to "Well, of course not,” Lum re- in tlieir minds. Psychology preven- Joenes, "The Doc here is quite a 7. JOENES’s ADVENTURES IN plied. "That sign outside is merely cerns itself as much with thinker.” A MADHOUSE the technical or square name for tion as with cure, and our statis- that "Not at all,” the doctor said, (As told by Paatti of Fiji.") the place. We insiders prefer to tical samplings show people our under- with a modest laugh. "I simply try call it the Hollis Writers and Ar- who have viewed not to set in ways. I try to Joenes walked toward the en- tists Colony.” ground cells are much less likely be my keep mind open to any hy- trance of the house, and then "This isn’t an insane asylum?" to go insane than the population my pothesis. It is simply the way I stopped to read the sign over tlie "Sure it is, but only in a tech- at large.” and tlierefore nothing exem- door. The sign read. THE HOL- nical sense.” “That’s very interesting,” Joenes am, plary." LIS HOME FOR THE CRIMI- "Are there any insane people said. "Do you treat all madmen in come on, Doc,” Lum said. NALLY INSANE. here?" Joenes asked. this way?” "Aw, ” ”

108 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 109

“No, no, really," the doctor said. understand, he is able to make tlie and listened to the erudite con- spent hidden in the men's dorm at “I merely have what some call a black flics in his cell form a halo versation on all sides of him. The Harvard, and the time I was queen questioning mind. Unlike some of around his head, while the rats Hollis Home for the Criminally of the West Side Boppers and my colleagues, I ask questions. For bow before him, and birds of tlic Insane seemed not a bad place to killed the former queen with a bi- example, when I see a grown man field and forest come from miles bim. And a moment later it seemed cycle chain, and other childish es- crouched with shut eyes in a around to sing outside his cell the better, for walking toward capades. I am not proud of these foetal position, all I do not instantly window. One of my colleagues is him was Dcirdrc Feinstein. tilings, my darling, but I am also apply massive radioactive shock very interested in this phenome- The beautiful girl threw herself not ashamed of tlie natural wild- therapy. I am more likely to ask non, since it implies a hitherto un- into his arms, and tlie scent of her ness of my youth. That is why I myself, ‘What would happen if I known communication channel hair was like sun-ripciied honey. have confessed these things to you, constructed a liuge artificial womb between man and beast.” “Joenes," she said in a tremu- and will continue to confess things and put this man inside?' Tliat is “How are you treating him?” lous voice, "I have thought of you as quickly as T can remember them, an example from an actual case." Joenes asked. ever since our premature parting since there must be no secrets be- “What happened?” Joenes “My approach is environmen- Francisco when you inter- tween us. Don’t you agree?'’ asked. in San tal,” the doctor said. “I am enter- — ceded so rashly and lovingly be- “Well,” Joenes said, "I think “The guy suffocated,” Lum said ing his delusion by pretending to tween me and the fuzz. You have “I was positive you would see it with a laugh. be a worshipper and* disciple. a haunted my dreams and my wak- that way,” Deirdre said. "Luckily “I have never pretended to be For fifty niinutes every day I sit at ing moments until I scarcely knew for us, all that is in the past. I have an engineer,” the doctor said stiff- his feet. When the animals bow one from the other. With the help become a responsible adult, and ly. “Trial and error are necessary. before him, I how too. Every of my father, Sean, I have insti- have joined the Junior League of Besides, I count that case a suc- Tliursday I take him to the infir- tuted a search for you throughout Conservatives, the Council Against cess.” mary and let him cure die sick, be- America. But I feared that I Unamericanism In Any Form, the “Why?” Joenes asked. cause this seems to give him would never sec you again, and Friends of Salazar Society, and the “Because just before the pa- pleasure.” came to this place solely to rest my Women’s Crusade Against For- tient died, he imcurlccl. I still do “Does he really cure them?” nerves. Oh Joenes, do you think eignism. Nor are these mere sur- not know whether tlie healing Joenes asked. it was fate or chance which face changes. Inside me I can feel agent was the artificial womb, or “He has a hundred per cent rec- brought us togetlier now?” a deep loathing of the thing I have death, or a combination of the ord so far," the doctor said. “But of "Well,” Joenes said, “It seems been guilty of, as well as a hatred two; but the experiment is of ob- course so-callcd miracle cures are — to me of the arts, which are frequently vious tlieoretical importance.” nothing new either to science or 'T knew it would,” Deirdre said, nothing but pornography. So you “I was only kidding you. Doc,” religion. We don't pretend to clasping him more tightly to her. see that I have grown up, my Lum said. “1 know you do good know everything." “We will be married two days change is genuine, and I will make work." “Can I see this patient?” Joenes from now, on July 4tli, since I you a good and faithful wife.” “Thank you, Lum,” tire doctor said. have become patriotic in your ab- Joenes had a glimpse of his fu- said. “And now you must excuse "Of course," the doctor said. sence, Does tliat suite you?” ture life with Deirdre, in which me, because it is time for me to at- "He loves visitors. I'll arrange it “Well,” Joenes said, “I tliink we loa thsome confession alternated tend one of my patients. An inter- for this afternoon.” And with a should consider.” with unbearable boredom. Deirdre esting delusional case. He believes cheerful smile, the doctor hurried "I was sure of it,” Deirdre said. prattled on about tlie arrangements he is a physical reincarnation of off. “And I also laiow that I have been she would make for the wedding, God. So strong is his belief tliat, Jones looked around at tlie a wild girl in the past, what witli then hurried out of the Day Room by some ability I don’t pretend to bright, well-furnished Day Room, needle parties, and tlie month I to telephone her father. 111 no FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES

to 4tlr anyhow. Joenes said Lum, “How does meeting and let the patient think shopping list. Very strange sort of marry Joenes on July one leave here?" ever since her that you believed his delusion." shopping list, though, because I She toki Lum that “Well, — ’’ relations had man,” Lum said, “I T’ll do that,” Joenes said, and tlon't know where he would buy reformation, carniil repugnant to mean like you just got liere.” found hniself filled with sudden Joenes tried to peer at the note become extremely “I know. Joencs’s ail- But how do I leave? apprehension and hope. over tlic doctor’s shoulder, but the her. Because of that, I upon as an Can simi^ly walk out?” The doctor unlocked the cell doctor snatched it away and nient couki he looked "Certainly not. is, liability, since it This after all, door, and they stepped inside. But sliovcd it into a pocket. asset rather than a purely a Home for tlic Criminally In- the cell was empty. On one side “Privileged communication,” would tend to enforce a them. As sane.” was the neatly made cot, and on the doctor said. “We can’t let a spiritual union between married to a "Can I ask the doctor for a re- the other was the heavily liarrccl layman read this sort of thing, at for linding herself this possibility lease?" window. I'here was also a little least not before the note has been human vegetable, to the high- "Sure. But you better not ask wooden table, and l)csi(lc it stood a thoroughly analyzed and annotat- was not displeasiirS always want- him this week, what witli the full field mouse, who wept as thougli ed, and certain key terms have spirited girl; she had moon approaching. It always his heart would break. On the tabic been su])st]tiiLed to preserve the ed to be a nurse- out tliat no makes him jumpy.” was a note which tlie doctor picked anonymity of the patient. Now Lum then poinl^’^^ “I could legally be want to leave tonight,” Joenes up.^ sliall we return to the Day Boom?” marriage license with Jocnes’s said. “Or tomorrow at the latest.” "This is very unusual,’' the doc- Joenes had no choice but to fol- obtained for a person Deirdre de- “That's pretty sudden," Lum tor said. "He seemed in good spir- low the doctor to the Day Room. ailment. This recently acquired said. “Is it maybe little Deirdrc its when 1 locked his door half an He had seen the first word of the sist, since her impossible for and her wedding plans got you hour ago." note, which was REMEMBER. It maturity made it doing anything jumpy?" "But how did he escape?” Joenes was litlle enough, but Joenes would her to contemplate fed- “It is,” Joenes said. asked. always remember. that was forbidden by state or “Don't worry about that,” Lum “Undoubtedly he utilized some eral law. was said. “I’ll take care of Deirdre, and form of telekinesis,” the doctor Joenes spent a restless night In that fashion. Joenes unpromising alli- I’ll also have you out of here by said. “I cannot pretend to know wondering how Lum would be able saved from an tomorrow. Trust in me, Joensey, much about this so-callcd psychic to fulfill iris promises concerning ance. asylum, Lum and do not worry about a thing. phenomenon; but it shows the ex- Deirdrc and a release from the asy- As for leaving the Shortly af- Liun will fix.” tent to which a deranged mind will lum. But he had not realized the re- had taken care of that. was go in trying to justify itself, In sourcefulness of his friend. ter the noon jncal, Joenes Visitors Room. Later in the day, the doctor re- fact, the very intensity of the effort Lum took care of the impend- called into the to turned to take Joenes to the pat- to escape is our best indicator of the ing marriage by informing Deirdre There Lum introduced him tient thought Pols, who together who he was a physi- degree of upset. I am only sorry that Joenes would have to be treat- Dean Garner J. formed the cal reincarnation of God. They that wc could not help the poor ed for a tertiary syphillitic condi- with several colleagues, of the Univer- went through several gigantic iron fellow, and I hope tliat wherever tion before contracting marriage. Faculty Committee Wood. doors and down a gray corridor. At he is, he remembers some of the Treatment might take a long time; sity of St. Stephen's tall and stringy the end of the corridor tliey fundamentals of insight which we and if it were not successful, the Dean Fols was a eye, a stopped in front of a door. have tried to teach him here.” disease would attack Joenes’s ner- man with a mild academic moutli, and a The doctor said, “It would do "What does tlie note say?” vous system, reducing him to a hu- gently humorous He no harm, and possibly a great deal Joenes asked. man vegetable. heart as big as all outdoors. with a remark of good, if you adopted a psycho- The doctor glanced at the piece Deirdre was saddened by this put Joenes at ease and a quotation therapeutic attitude during tliis of paper and said, “It seems to be a news, but declared that she would about the weather ” ” ”

113 112 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES

the difficulties inherent in present- the University of Stephen’s Wood, from Aristophanes. Then he spoke course was a great success, and we ing it. We propose to start you at a which was located in Newark, of his reason for requesting the would gladly repeat it if Mr. of one thou- Jersey. Joenes saw a wide interview. Lum — full professor’s salary New sand six hundred and ten dollars a green campus and low, pleasingly “You must iinclerslancl, my dear "No, man,” Lum said. “I mean year. I realize that that is not very shaped buildings. Fols identified Mr. Joencs, if I may, that we in I don’t want to put you down ])ut money, and sometimes I rue- these buildings as Gretz Flail, field —•shall call it 'OLi much the of we 5 know I’m olf that.” fully contemplate the fact that an Waniker Hall, Flie Digs, Com- education? — arc continually on "Of course,” Dean Fols said assistant plumber in our culture mons, The Physics Lab, Faculty the ‘lookout’ for 'talent*. In fact we hastily. “If tlierc is anything else earns no less than eighteen thou- House, The Library, The Chapel, have been likened, perhaps not you would care to teach — sand dollars a year. Still univer- The Chemistry Lab, The New unkindly to persons in the base- “Maybe I'll give a retrospective sity life has its compensations, if Wing, and Old Scarmutli, Behind ball profession who perform a seminar in Zen,” Lum said. “I I may say so.” the University flowed the Newark similar function. However, that is mean Zen is back in. But I'll have “Fm ready to leave at once,” Paver, its gray-brown waters as it may be.*’ to think about it.” Joencs said, afraid the dean would touched with an occasional streak “I understand,” Joenes said. “Certainly,” Dean Fols said. He change his mind. of ochre from the plutonium plant “1 should further add,*’ Dean turned to Joenes. “As you no doubt “Wonderful!” cried Fols. “I ad- up the river. Close by towered the Fols added, “that we prize not so know, Mr. Lum telephoned me mire the spirit of you younger factories of industrial Newark, much the possessor of the proper last night and gave me to under- men. I must say that we have and in front of the Campus was an academic requirements, such as stand of your background." been particularly fortunate in find- eight-lane highway. These things, myself and my colleagues possess, ‘That was very good of Mr. ing suitable ‘talent’ in artists’ col- Dean Fols pointed out, added a as one wltli a thorough under- Lum,” Jones said guardedly. onies such as this one. Mr. Joenes, touch of reality to the cloistered standing of his subject and a dy- “Your background is splendid,” if yT)u wdll be so kind as to follow academic life. namic approach to ‘imparting’ tliat Fols said, “and I believe that the me?” Joencs was given a room in subject to whomsoever shall under- course you propose will be a ‘suc- Joenes went ouside with Dean Faculty House. There he was taken take to take his course. Too often cess’ in the fullest meaning of Fols, to an ancient automobile. to a faculty cocktail party. we academics find ourselves ‘cut that word.” \Wth a last wave to Lum, Joenes Here he met his colleagues. off’ from shall I call it the main By now, Joenes understood got ill. Soon the asylum had re- There was Professor Carpe, head stream of American life? And too tliat he was being offered a Uni- ceded into the distance. Again of the English Department, who often we have ignored those who, versity position. Unfortunately he Joenes was free, held only by his took his pipe out of his mouth witliout pedagogic background, did not know what he was sup- promise to teach at The University long enough to say, “Welcome have performed w'itli great lustre posed to teach, or indeed what he of St. Stephen’s Wood. He was aboard, Joenes. Anything at all I in their work. But I am sure that could teach. Lum, now contem- disturbed only by the fact that he can do, feel free.” my good friend Mr. Liim has ex-' plating Zen, sat with eyes down- did not know what he was sup- Chandler of Philosophy said, plained all this in far ‘better’ cast and gave him no cluc. posed to teach. "Well, now.” words than I could hope.” Joenes said, “I will be delight- Blake of Physics said, "I hope Joenes glanced at Lum, who ed to come to a fine University you aren’t one of those humani- said, “Like you know, I taught two such as yours. As to the course I 8. HOW JOENES TAUGHT, AND ties fellows who feels called upon semesters at USW on “The Inter- will teach — WHAT FIE LEAKNED to attack E=:MC^. I mean what the relatedness of Jazz and Poetry." “Please don’t misunderstand,” (As told by Mauhingi of Tahiti.') hell, it just worked out that way We got quite a scene going, man, Dean Fols broke in hastily. “We and I don't think we have to what with the bongos and such.” fully understand the specialized Soon enough, Joenes arrived at apologize to anyone. I have stated Dean Fols said, “Mr. Lum’s nature of your subject matter and 114 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 115

that view in book, my “The Con- conversation. Joenes tried to dis- small a point. Therefore, with set you who have elected this course science of a Nuclear Physicist,” cover what he supposed to face and purposeful step, he en- out of a genuine thirst for knowl- and I still stand by it Won’t you teach inobtrusively, by talking to tered his classroom. edge —welcome aboard!” have a drink?" those professors who seemed to Talk in the room died down, The students, like one huge or- of Hanley Anthropology said, know about his subject. But these and the students looked with ganism, relaxed slightly. “I’m sure you will be a very vi'cl- men, perhaps out of delicacy, lively interest at their new in- For the next twenty minutes, come addition to department, my never mentioned Joenes’s field by structor. Joenes pulled himself to- Joenes l)usied himself with making Mr. Joenes.” name, preferring to relate stories gether and addressed the class a record of the students’ names Dalton of Chemistry said, concerning their own competen- witli that outward show of confi- and seat positions. When he had “Glad to have you aboard, Joenes, cies. dence whicli is often better than put dow'ii the last name, a happy and welcome to department.” my When tliis attempt failed, conllcicnce itself. inspiration struck him, and he GcolFrard of Classics said, strolled “Of Joenes outside and glanced “Class,” Joenes said, "at this our acted upon it at once. course you probably look down on at the bulletin board. But the only first meeting, I think I should set “Mr. Ethclrcd,” Joenes said, old codgers like me.” thing that concerned him was a certain things straight. Because of addressing a competent-looking Harris of Political Science said, typed notice stating that Mr. the somewhat unusual nature of student in a front-row scat, “would “Well, now.” Jocnes’s class would meet at 1 1 : 00 my course, some of you may have you come up to the blackboard and Manisfree of Fine Arts in Room 143 of the New Wing, been led to believe that it will be write, in letters large enough for said, “Welcome aboard, Joenes. instead of Room 341 of M^inikcr simplicity itself. To those who all of u.s to see,, the full name of they’ve Big teaching load given Hall as previously announced. liiink this, I say, transfer jiow to a this course?” ^ou, eh?” 3 Joenes considered taking one course which will ])c more in keep- Ktholred gulped hard, glanced Hoytbum of Music said, “I be- of the professors aside, perhaps ing with your expectations.” at his open nolcboolc, tlicn walked lieve I read your dissertation, Chandler of Philosophy, whose This brought an attentive si- up to the bIack])oard. Me wrote: Joenes, and I must say I don’t en- field doubtless took circumstances lence into the room. Joenes con- “Till' SOUTHWEST PACIFIC tirely agree with the analog}^ you like this into consideration, and tinued, “Some of yon have heard ISLANDS: BMIDGE BETWEEN drew concerning Monteverdi. Of asking liim exactly what he was tliat I have a reputation as an easy T\^^0 WORL13S.” course I am not an expert in your supposed to teach. But a natural marker. You may rid yourselves of “Very good,” Joenes said. "Now field, but course of 3011 are not an feeling of embarrassment prevent- that notion at once. Marking will then, Miss Ilua, would you kindly expert in mine, so that makes ed him from doing this. So the be hard, but fair. And I will not take the chalk and write a short analogies a litie difficult, eh? But party ended, and Joenes went to hesitate to give failing marks to the statcinent of the subject matter welcome aboard.” his room in Faculty House unen- entire class, if the circumstances which we plan to cover in this Ptolemy of Mathematics said, lightened. warrant.” course?” “Joenes? I think I read your doc- A gentle sigh, almost a whis- Miss Hua was a very tall, home- torate concerning binary-scnsc- The next morning, standing at pered wail of despair, escaped ly, bespectacled girl whom Joenes systems. value Looked pretty good the door to Room 143 of the New from the lips of several pre-medi- instinctively picked as a promis- to me. Won’t you have another Wing, Joenes was struck by an cal students. From the cowed loolis ing student. She wrote: “THIS drink?” acute attack of stage fright. He on the faces before him, Joenes COURSE DEALS WITH THE Shan Lee of the French De- considered fleeing from the Uni- knew tliat he was master of tlie CULTURE OF THE SOUTH- partment said, “Welcome aboard, versity. But he did not wish to do situation. Therefore he said in WEST PACIFIC ISLANDS, Joenes. Can I get you a refill?” this, because he liked the glimpse kindlier tones: “I believe that you WITH SPECIAL EMPHASIS ON So the evening passed with this he had had of University life, and know me a little better now. It only THEIR ART, SCIENCE, MU- and a great deal more pleasant did not wish to give it up over so remains for me to say to those of SIC, CRAFTS, FOLKWAYS, 116 FANTASY AND SCIENCE PICTION THE JOURNEY OP JOENES 117

MORES, PSYCHOLOGY, AND Mathematical Fallacy. I foresaw OF THE SOUTHWEST PA- thought-provoking. This was per- for him, but poor PH [LOSOPHY. PARALLELS great things CIFIC ISLANDS: THEIR ART, haps regrettable, but it was part WILL BE DRAWN THROUGH- Moltke went insane three days af- SCIENCE, MUSIC, CRAFTS, of the educative process to which Idlled five OUT BETWEEN THIS CUL- ter the term opened and FOLKWAYS, MORES, PSY- every teacher had to accustom TURE, AND ITS SOURCE-CUL- members of the varsity football CHOLOGY AND PHILOSOPHY, himself. As Ptolemy of Mathe- TURE IN ASIA AND ITS siiuad. We lost to Amherst that V AND THEIR RELATEDNESS matics said, "The value of a Uni- 1 never tmsted BOP.ROW-CULTURH IN EU- year, and have my TO THE ASIATIC SOURCE- versity education resides in the intuitions since. But good luck, ROPE." CULTURE AND THE EURO- fact that it puts young people in ‘That’s fine, lUia," Jocncs. 1 may he only an admin- Miss Jocncs PEAN BORROW-CULTURE.” proximity to learning. 'I'lic stu- said. Now lie Icijcw liis subject, istrator, but 1 know what I like.” This book bad been written hy the dents of Goodenough Dormitory it. Fols nodded briskly and left tlie though he knew iiolhing about Right Honourable Allan Fliut- are less tlian thirty yards from the Still, he sure could over- classroom. After a decent interval was he Moolh, K.J.JL, D.B.E,, L.C.T., ].jibrary, no more tlian fifty yards his deficiencies. he was Jocncs also left, and liurried to the come And former assistant governor of Fiji from llic Physics Lab, and a mere liad Camj>us bookstore to purchase the glad to see that the class time and leader of the punitive expedi- ten yards from Uie Chemistry Lab. nearly ended. required reading for his course. tion of ’03 into Tonga. I think we can all be justly proud said his to- Unfortunately it wa.s sold out. He to students, “For With the aid of these works, of this.” day, I say goodbye, or aloha. And Joenes went to his room, lay Jocncs was usually able to keep But it was the. teachers who, for once again, welcome aboard.’’ down on his bed and thought one lesson ahead of his class. And the ino.st part, used the University With tills, Joenes dismissed his about Dean Fols' intuition and when, foi* one reason or another, facilities. They did this with cir- class. After they had gone, Dean poor Moltke’s insanity. He cursed he fell behind, he was always able cumspection, of course. The At- Pols entered the room. the evil fate tliat had allowed his to give a test on the material pre- tending Physician had warned “Please don’t stand up,’’ Pols students to buy books before the viously covered. Best of all, the them most severely of the dan- said. “This visit is scarcely ‘olTi- far more acute need of their in- very tall and be.spcctacled Miss gers of an overdose of learning, eial,' shall we say? just wanted structor Jiad been met. 1 Hua volunteered to correct and and had carefully rationed their you to Jaiow tliat I was listening Luckily the long-overdue text- grade the papers. Joenes was grate- weekly intake of information. Even outside your classroom, and I ap- books arrived, and Joenes bad a ful to the dedicated girl for taking so, tiicre were accidents. Old prove most heartily. You captured weekend in which to study them. care of the dullest pedagogic la- Gcoffrard had gone into shock them, Joenes. I thought you would Very useful to him was a book bors. while reading ‘The Satyricon,’ in have some trouble, since most of entitled : 'THE SOUTHWEST the original Latin, under the im- our international basketball team PACIFIC ISLANDS: BRIDGE Life settled down to a placid pression that it was a papal ency- has elected your course. But you BETWEEN TWO WORLDS,” routine. Joenes lectured and gave clical. He needed several weeks' showed that flexible tinnness written by Juan Diego Alvarez dc tests, and Miss Hua corrected and rest before he was completely him- which is the glory of the true peda- las Vegas y de Rivera. This man graded. Joenes’s students quickly self again. And Devlin, youngest gogue. I congratulate you, and I had been a captain in the Spanish ,1 absorbed the material given to of the English Professors, had suf- predict a long and successful ca- treasure fleet based in the Phillip- them, passed their tests, and quick- fered a temporary loss of memory reer for you at tliis LTniversity.” pines, and, aside from his invec- ly forgot the material. Like many shortly after reading ‘Moby-Dick’ “Thank you, sir,” Joenes said. tive against Sir Francis Drake, his vital young organisms, they were and finding himself unable to sup- “Don’t tliaiik me,” Fols said information seemed very com- able to eject anytliing harmful, ply a tenable religious interpreta- gloomily. "My last prediction con- plete. disturbing, distressing, or merely tion for that work. cerned Baron-Professor Moltkc, a Equally useful was another boring. Of course they also ejected These were tlie common risks of brilliant man in his field of book entitled: “THE CULTURE anything useful, stimulating, or tlie profession, and the teachers 118 I-'A.NT,\SY .\ND SCIENCE EICTION THE JOURNEY OP JOENES 119 were proud rather than fearful of the contrary, many considered this of the Southwest Pacific. He was dering the matter for several them, As Hanley of Anthropology the candklate's best quality. well content in University sur- weeks, said, “Of course you prob- said, "The sandhog risks being They might have succeeded if a roundings, and slowly his col- ably look down on old codgers like smothered to death in wet sand; majority of the voters had not leagues had come to accept him. me. But damn it all, I tliink the we risk being smothered to dcntli in feared setting a precedent. The There had been objections at first, man’s sound.” old books," fears of the clcctijrate had been of course. Carpe of English had Geoffrard’s hearty recommenda- Hanley iiad done field work cleverly played upon by ihe liber- said: “I don’t tliink Joenes accepts tion did Joenes a great deal of among the sand hogs, and lie knew als, who had said, in effect: “We ‘[VIoby-Dick’'as an integral part of good. The other professors became what he was talking about. have no objection to jnhn Smith, the Southwest Pacific Culture. less wary and more open, almost to The students, apart from an ex- rest his soul, anti many of us believe Strange.” the point of friendliness. Joenes cc]:)tionaI few, ran no such risks. he would be a singular adornment Blake of Physics said, “I won- was invited more frequently to lit- Their lives were very dilfercnt to the White House, liut what der if he hasn’t missed a rather im- tle parties and social evenings at from the lives of the professors. A would happen if, at some future portant point in the total lack of tlie home of his colleagues. Soon number of the younger students time, the wrong dead man is run modern quantum theory from the his equivocal position as .a guest kept the knives and bicycle chains for public office?" lives of his islanders. It says some- instructor had been all but forgot- of their high school days, and went Arguments such as this had jirc- thing to me.” ten, and he was fully accepted into out in the evenings in search of vailed, Hoytbiirn of Music said, “I un- the life of USW. suspicious characters. Other stu- The campus liberals, however, derstand he has not mentioned the His position among his col- dents took part in the intercolle- usually left talking to tiicir ciders. church songs which became the leagues reached its fullest flower giate orgies, trial runs for which They preferred to attend special primary influence upon local folk shortly after Spring Finals. For it were held weekly in Freedom Hall. classes on guerilla warfare, bomb- music in his area. But it's liis was then, during a party which Still others went out for sports. making. and the use of small arms. course.” marked the beginning of the vaca- The basketball players, for exam- As they frequently pointed out: Shan Lee of French said, “I tion between terms, that Profes- ple, could be seen night and day “It isn’t cnoLigli merely to react to gather that Joenes has not seen fit sors Harris and Manisfrcc invited at practice sessions, dropping bas- the dirty Reds. We must copy to remark on the secondary and Joenes to take an overnight trip kets with the mechanical regular- their methods, especially in prop- tertiary French-language influ- with them and their friends to a ity of the industrial robot teams, aganda, infiltration, overthrow, ences on the verb-transposition certain place high in the Moun- whom they invariably defeated. and political control." technique of the SoutJiwcst Pa- tains of the Adirondack. Finally there w’ere those who The campus conservatives, since cific. I am only a linguist, of shoived an early interest in poli- losing the election, preferred to course, but I would have thought tics. These intellectuals, as they act as though nothing had changed such a thing was important.” 9. TH12 NEED FOR THE UTOPIA were called, went to the liberal or in the world since General Pat- And there were other com- (The following four stories com- conservative cause, as early train- ton’s victory against the Persians in plaints from other professors whose prise Joencs's Adventures in Uto- ing and temperament dictated. It '45. They often sat in their beer specialties had been slighted, mis- pia, and are told hy Vehii of was the college conservatives who halls and sang “The Saga of represented, or left out complete- Huahme.') had almost succeeded in electing Omaha Beach.” The more erudite ly. These things might, in time, John Smith to the Presidency of among them could sing it in the have created a bad feeling be- Early on a Saturday morning, the United States during the last original Greek. tween Joenes and his colleagues. Joenes and several otlicr profes- election. The fact that Smith had But the matter was settled by sors got into Manisfree’s old car been dead for twenty years had Joenes observed all these things, Geoffrard of Classics. and began the trip to the Choro- not dampened their ardor; quite and continued teaching the culture This grand old man, after pon- wait community in the Moun- THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 121 120 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION insulating themselves as we had. Then Blake touched Joenes on the tains of the Adirondack. Clioro- seen how quickly everytliing is The rest of our students sat shoulder and pointed. Joenes saw wait, Jocncs learned, was a Uni- breaking down, Joenes. The law is through the sleep-provoliing drone a high green mountain standing versity-sponsored community run a farce; punishment has lost any of our lectures, eager only to depart out from all the others. This he entirely by idealistic men and meaning, and there are no rewards and take their places in a mad knew was Chorowait. women who had withdrawn from to offer; religion preaches its anti- world. We did not touch them, the world in order to serve future quated message to people walking Joenes, we did not move them, HOW THE UTOPIA WORKED generations. Chorowait was an ex- a tightrope between apatliy and and wc did pot teach them to periment in living, and a very am- insanity; philosophy offers doc- think.” Manisfree’s ear wearily climbed bitious one, Its aim was nothing trines that only other philosophers “In fact,” said Blake, "wc did the deep-rutted road that led up less than to provide an ideal mod- can understand; psychology strug- quite the contrary. We managed to the side of Chorowait Mountain. el society for the w'orld. Chorowait gles to define behavior according equip most of our students with a At the end of this road they came was, in fact, designed to be a prac- to standards which were dead fifty definite hatred of tliinking. They to a barrier constructed of logs. tical and realizable utopia. years ago; economics gives us the learned to view culture with the Here they left the car and pro- “I think," said Harris of Politi- principle of an endless expansion, greatest suspicion, to ignore ethics, ceeded on foot, walking lirst on a cal Science, “that the need for which is deemed necessary to keep and to consider the sciences solely narrow dirt road, then on a path such a utopia is evident. You’ve up w’ith a maniacally increasing as a means of making money. This through the forest, and at last into been around the country, Jocnes. birthrate; the physical sciences was our responsibility and our the trackless forest itself, guided You’ve seen for yourself the deca- show us how to keep up this ex- failure. The outcome of that fail- only by the steady upward trend dence of our institutions and the pansion until every square foot is ure is tJie world." of the land. apathy of our people." covered with a groaning human; The professors were silent for a All of the professors were badly “I did notice something of the and my own field of politics offers while. Then Harris said, “Those winded when, at last, they were sort," Joeiies said. nothing better than ways of tem- are the problems. But I tliink we greeted by two men from Choro- “The reasons are very complex,” porarily juggling these gigantic have awakened from our long wait. Harris went on. “But it seems to us forces juggling until everything — sleep. Now we have taken action These men were clad in deer- that most of the trouble lies in a breaks down or blow'S up.” and built Chorowait. I only hope skin. Each carried a bow and willful disengagement on the ixirt “And do not think,” Manisfree wc have built it in time.” quiver of arrows. They were of the individual, an abdication said, “that we absolve ourselves Joenes was eager to ask ques- tanned and ruddy, and tlrey from the problems of reality. I hts, from blame in this situation. Al- tions about tlie community which seemed to glow with an abundant of course, is what madness is made tliough we teachers purport to would solve such terrible prob- health and vitality. They con- of: withdrawal, non-paiiicipa know more than other men, we lems. But the professors refused to trasted strangely witli the stooped, tion, and the construction of a have usually chosen to remain say auytliing about it. pale, hollow-chested professors. fantasy life more gratifying than aloof from public life. Practical, Manisfree said, "Soon you will Manisfree made the introduc- anything in the real world could hard-headed men of the world see Chorowait for yourself, Joenes. tions. “This is Lunu,” he said to be." have always frightened us; and Then you can judge on the basis of Joenes, indicating the larger of the “We workers of the Chorowait those men, in their hard-headed what is diere, rather than what we men. "He is the community lead- experiment,” said Manisfree, “con- way, have brought us to this.” say.” er. With him is Gat, whom none tent that this is a disease of so- “Nor is aloofness our only fail- At last tliey were in the moun- can excell at tracking.” ciety, and can be cured only by a ure,” said Flanley of Antliropol- tains, and Manisfree’s old car Lunu addressed the professors societal cure.” ogy. “Let me point out that we wheezed and complained as it ne- in a language which Joenes had “Furthermore,” Harris said, taught—badly! Our few promising gotiated the rising hairpin turns. never heard before. “there is very little time. You have students became teachers, thus 122 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 123

“He is welcoming us,” Dalton would serve die same purpose as the said, "the sort of thing that can be dreary experiment in pastoral liv- whispered to Joencs. monosyllabic grunt, but would be achieved through semantics.” ing.” Gat added something. more in keeping with man’s needs.” Lunii and Gat led the way to the Joenes had never seen or heard “He says there are many good “We had some jolly fights!” Dal- Chorowait village. Starting here, of an experiment in pastoral hv- things to eat this month,” Blake ton said. Joenes inspected Chorowait for ing. He said that what he saw traiislalcd. “And he asks us to ac- “Finally,” Manisfrec said, “we the remainder of the day. looked very good indeed. company him to the village,” decided to construct a language He saw that the community’s “I suppose so,” Harris said with “VVI)at language are tlicy speak- wJiich vvouUI approximate the homes had been constructed of a sigh. “But there have been count- ing?” Joenes asked. voweI-fre(|ency of Anglo-Saxon. birch bark and saplings. Women less numbers of these attempts. “Cliorowaitian,” said Professor The French department didn’t like cooked over open fires, spun wool Many have started well, but few Vishnu of the Sanskrit depart- this, of course. They wanted to use from the sheep they tended, and have continued well. Pastoral life ment. “It is an artiliciiil language Early Provcn^:al as a model; but Look care of babies. Men worked has its charming features, especial- which we devised e.specially for we voted them down.” in the steep Chorowait fields, till- ly when educated, determined, the community, and for very im- “Still, they liad their influence,” ing the soil with wooden plows and idealistic people undertake it. portant reasons. said Professor Vishnu. "Although which they had fashioned. Other But such an existence is usually “We were aware,” saiil Manis- we retained Anglo Saxon vowel men hunted in the dense woods or doomed to disillusion, cynicism, frec, "that the qualities of a lan- frequency, we used an Early Pro- fished in the icy Adirondack and abandonment.” guage tend to shape processes of vencal pronunciation, But we dis- streams, bringing back deer and “Will this happen at Choro- thought, as well as to preserve carded anything Indo-Fhiropcan in rabbit and trout, which they wait?” Joenes asked. ethnic and class stratifications. the construction of roots.” shared out to the community. “We think not,” Harris replied. For these and other reasons, we “The research was tremendous,” In all of Chorowait, there was “I ho[>e we have learned from considered it absolutely necessary Dalton said. “Thank God Miss not a single manufactured article. previous failures. After studying to construct a new language for Ilua was there to do the dogwork. Every tool had been fashioned the utopian experiments of the Chorowait." It’s a shame that girl is so ugly.” there. Even the skinning knives past, we were able to build safe- "We had quite a time working “These first-generation Choro- were hand-made, of iron dug from guards into our own community. it out,” Blake said, with a remi- waitiaiis are bilingual,” Manisfree the ground of Chorowait. And In good time, you will see those niscent grin. said. "But their children, or their what tliey could not make, the safeguards.” “Some of us wanted the utmost children’s children, will speak only Chorowaitians did without. simplicity,” Hanley of Anthropol- Chorowaitian. I hope I live long Joenes observed all of this dur- That evening, Joenes ate a sim- ogy said. "We wanted to maintain enough to see that day. Already the ing the daylight hours, and com- ple and rather unappetizing meal communication through a series of effects of our new language can be mented favorably on the self-suffi- of milk, cheese, unleavened bread, monosyllabic grunts, expecting seen on the community.” ciency, industry, and satisfaction and grapes. Then he was taken to that such a language would serve “Just consider,” Blake said. which the community evidently the Haicrogii, or place of worship. as a natural check to man’s soar- "There are no words in Choro- possessed. But Professor Harris, This was a clearing in the forest ing and frequently destructive waitian for ‘homosexuality,’ ‘in- who had accompanied him, where the people worshipped the ” thoughts.” cest,’ ‘rape,’ or ‘murder,’ seemed strangely apologetic about sun by day and the moon by "Others among us,” said Chand- Lunii said, in English, “We call this aspect of Chorowait. night. ler of Philosophy, “wanted to con- those things Aleewadith, which “You must understand, Joenes,” “Religion was quite a problem,” struct a language of incredible means thing-which-must-not-bc- Harris said, “that this is the mere Hanley whispered to Joenes as the complexity, with many distinct said.” surface of Chorowait. To your eyes multitude prostrated themselves levels of abstraction. We felt this “I think that shows,” Dalton it must seem nothing but another in pale moonlight. "We didn't : ”

124 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION TlfE JOURNEY OF JOENES 125 want to use anything associated O Moon, in modesty decked in in a small cabin constructed en- Professor Hanley himself who gave with the Judaco-Cliristian tradi- finest gossamer. tirely without nails. His bed of us this custom, which he took from tion. Nor were we any fonder of Gliding with soft feet among pine houghs was charmingly rustic, some book." Hinduism or Buddhism. In fact, the treetops of your iieople. but also exceedingly uncomfort- “I had no idea," Joenes said, after considerable research, noth- Slipping behind the Acropolis able. Joenes managed to adopt a sliding over as Laka lay down on ing seemed very good. Some of us out of fear of your fierce lov- posture which gave him the least the pine houghs beside him. wanted to compromise on the er the Sun, pain, and to fall into a light doze. “I've heard that Professor Han- T'iele dieties of southeastern Zan- Then touching with dewey fin- He was awakened by the touch Icy was quite vehement on this zibar; others favored the Dliavag- gers the white marble Parthe- of a hand on liis shoulder. Look- point," Laka said. “He met with na Old Man, who is worshipped by non, ing up, he saw an exceedingly some opposition from the Science an obscure oifshoot of tlie Black To you we sing this song. pretty young woman bending over Department. But Hanley held that Thai. But finally we agreed to Craving your loving intercession him with a tender smile on her if people needed religion, they also deify the sun and moon. For one to protect us face. Joenes was embarrassed at needed customs and practices; and thing, there was ample historical From the menace of tlic dark first, less for himself than for the that tlicse customs and practices precedent; and for another, we hours. woman, whom he feared had conic should be selected by an expect. could represent this ^vorship to the And to guard us for one little to the wrong cabin. But she sliowcd Finally, that view prevailed.” New York State authorities as a night him at once that she had made no “1 see,” Joenes said. “Did Han- form of primitive Christianity.” From the Beast of all the world. mistake. ley select other customs similar to “Was tliat important?” Joenes "I urn Laka,” she said. “I am the this one?” asked. “That’s very pretty,” Joenes said. wife of Ivor, who is the leader of “Well,” Laka said, "there’s the "Vastly! You’d be amazed at “What does that part about tlie the Young Men’s Sun Association. Saturnalia, and the Bacchanalia, how hard it is to get a license for a Acropolis and Parthenon mean?” I have come to sleep with you to- and tlie Eleusinian Mysteries, and place like this. We also had to “Frankly,” Harris said, "I’m not night, Joenes, and to do all in my the Festival of Dionysus, and prove that ours was a frcc-entcr- too sure of the suitability of that power to welcome you to Choro- Founder’s Day, and the Spring prise system, That presented some part myself. But the Classics de- wait.” and Fall Fertility Rites, and the difficulties, since the community partment insisted upon having it — ‘Thank you,” Joenes said. “But Adoration of Adonis, and owns everydiiiig in common. Luck- in. And since Economics, Anthro- docs your husband know you’re Here Joenes interrupted and ily, Gregorias was teaching Logic, pology, Physics and Chemistry lining this?” said that there seemed to be many at the time, and he convinced the had made most of the decisions to “\\'hat my husband knows or holidays on Chorowait Moun- autliorities.” date, we let them have their does not know is of little concern,” tain. The worshippers were swaying Parthenon. After all, there must Laka said, “Ivor is a religious man, “Yes,” Laka said. “It keeps us and moaning. An old man stepped be compromise in any cooperative and a believer in the customs of women exceedingly busy, but forward, his face daubed with yel- venture.” Chorowait. It is a custom and a we’ve grown used to it. The men low clay, and began chanting in Joenes nodded. “And what religious duty among us to make a are not quite sure about it all. They Chorowaitian, about that part about the menace guest welcome in this fashion. dearly love the holidays, but they “What is he saying?” Joenes of tlie dark hours, and the Beast of Didn't Professor Hanley tell you?” grow jealous and spiteful when asked. all the world?” Joenes replied that Hanley of their own wives arc involved.” Hanley said, "He is intoning Harris a nodded and winked. Anthropology had not even hinted “What do they do then?” Joenes particularly lovely prayer which “Fear is necessary,” he said. at this. asked. Geoffrai'd adapted from a Pin- “Then he was having his little “They follow the advice of Doc- daric ode. This part goes Joenes was lodged for the night joke with you,” Laka said. "It was tor Broign of the Psychology De- 126 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION THE JOURNEY OF JOENES 127

partment. They run for a pre- curious thing, but many civilized business," Joenes said, unmoved. ner and swimmer in the commu- scribed distance of three miles people who are attracted to a prim- “It’s my fault,” Laka said. “I nity.” through thick underbrush, then itive existence have an aversion to should have had a better control Joenes hated to cause Laka’s plunge into a cold stream and tlie so-called pleasures of the body over niy feelings. But if you could husband pain, even if that pain swim for one hundred yards, then which the professors study with so only know how I have prayed for brought him happiness. But he also beat upon a deerhide punching much great interest. In my own self-mastery!” hated to cause Laka pain by send- bag until utter exhaustion sets in. case, which is not atypical, I dear- 'Tve no doubt of that,” Joenes ing her home. And he didn't Utter exhaustion, Doctor Broign ly love the mountains and the said. “But the 'offer of hospitality want to cause himself pain by do- tells us, is always accompanied by fields, and I rejoice in all practical has been made, and thus the spirit ing something which had become a complete though temporary loss work such as farming, fishing or of the custom has been kept. Re- repugnant to him. There seemed of emotionality.” hunting. In order to have these member that, Taka, and return no good way out of tliese difficul- to your husband.” ties, “Docs the doctor's prcscriptioji things, I am willing to restrain my now so Jocnes told Laka to sleep work?” Jocncs asked. personal distaste for sexual mat- "I would be ashamed,” Laka in a corner of the cabin. That at “It seems to be infallible,” Laka ters.” said. "The other women would least would spare her from being that if said, “If tlic cure is not completely Joenes found this amazing, and know something was wrong shamed in front of the other 1 returned before daylight, successful tlie first time, a man he reflected upon the difficulties and women. they laugh at me. Also, simply has to repeat it as often as one encountered in populating a would my Laka kissed him on the forehead necessary. The cure also has the utopian community with people. husband would be displeased.” with cold lips. Then she curled up virtue of improving the muscle Llis thoughts were interrupted by “But doesn’t he grow jealous and on some pine boughs in the corner revengeful you this?” tone.” Laka, who had composed herself. when do and went to sleep. Joenes found “That’s very interesting,” Jocncs With her feelings under careful “Of course he does,” Laka said. that sleep eluded him for a long kind of if said. Lying close to Laka, he sud- restraint, she put her arms around “What man would he be time; but at last he dozed. he didn’t? But he also has a great denly found that he was no longer Joencs’s neck and drew him to respect for learning, interested in anthropological dis- her. and a deep The events of that night were belief in the customs of Choro- not finished, cussions. Gently he reached out But now Jocncs felt no more however. Joenes wait. Because of that, he insists suddenly and touched Laka’s dark hair. desire for her than he would for a came awake in the small that I take part in like Laka drew back from him witli tree or a cloud. Gently he pulled customs hours, alert and fearful, but with this, even though it tears his heart an Involuntary shudder of revul- her hands away, saying, “No, no idea of what had awakened apart to see me do so.” him. The sion. Laka, I will not do violence to moon was down, and “He must be a very "What’s wrong?” Jocnes asked. your natural tastes." unhappy the darkness was at its most pro- man,” Jocnes said. found. Crickets, night birds, "Shouldn’t I touch your hair?" "But you must!” she cried. "It is and "You’re "It isn’t that,” Laka said. “The the custom!” wrong, my husband is small beasts of the forest had one of the happiest men in the ceased all trouble is, I generally dislike being “Since I am not a member of movement and all sound. community. My husband believes Jocnes felt the touched at all. Believe me, it has tlie community, I do not have to skin along his tliat true happiness is spiritual, spine nothing to do with you. It's simply follow the custom." priclde. He turned toward and that true spirituality can be the door, certain a part of my disposition.” "I suppose that’s true, she said. that Laka’s hus- acquired only through pain. So band had kill “How extraordinary!” Joenes “But all the other professors follow come to him. Joenes his pain makes him happy, or so said. “And yet you came to this the custom, and then they argue had considered this possibility all he tells me. Also he follows Dr. night, since he had his doubts community willingly, and you re- the rights or wrongs of it later, in Broign’s prescription nearly every main here of your own free will?” dayli^t.” about Dr, Broign's prescription. day, and has become the best run- Then he realized that it "That’s true,” Laka said. It is a “What they do is their own was not 128 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION i' an indignant husband who had worshiji the Sun and Moon, which shocked the night into silence. For are real. And we fear the Beast, now he heard a terrifying roar, of a which is just as real as a chipmunk. i MARKET PLACE I fury and passion tliat could never Sometimes wc can placate the ¥ ? have issued from a human tlirnat. 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