Ma Barker Gang V2
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Cold Open: Holy shit this is gonna to be a fun ride today! Man, I forgot how much I loved Depression era gangster tales! The members of the Ma Barker Gang, aka the Barker-Karpis Gang it quickly evolved into and became more commonly known as, were cold-blooded, thieving, kidnapping, cop-killing sons-of-bitches. They don’t deserve to be romanticized. They were self-serving, ruthless dirtbags - I know that! But…there is something darkly romantic about old time bank robbers. A criminal such as a rapist is an obvious fucking coward. Holding down someone usually physically weaker then themselves, physically and psychology violating someone they’ve drugged, or tricked, or are holding a weapon to, using them for their own sadistic, physical pleasure. The nature of that crime is inherently evil. Same for pedophilia. Same for most murders. Those crimes seem to me, and to most of us, as inhuman somehow, which explains our fascination with them. How could someone do that? Theft, however, while also not morally justified, is so much more relatable, because it’s so very human. We don’t all, thank God, want to rape. However, we ALL do want money! Even if you don’t consider yourself materialistic, or monetarily driven, you still have bills to pay. Or, if you don’t, then someone else is paying for your existence - and I hope you’re grateful for them being at least somewhat financially motivated. And, almost all of us have stolen something at some point in our lives! Maybe you haven’t taken anything from a store, but, have you bit torrented a movie? Ever used someone else’s username and password to watch something intended for paid subscribers only? Ever downloaded an album someone gave you on a thumb drive and listened to it over and over and then never paid for it? Well, welcome to the thief club! You took something, or you used something - you listened to or watched something - that someone else created with the intention of having it sold. And, I think the reason we’re fascinated with bank robbers is, while illegally downloading, say, a movie, is a very easy and a very low risk crime - you’re probably not going to ever get caught and if you do, not punished very severely, robbing banks is anything but easy. People guard banks. People with guns. People who can legally kill you if you try to take what belongs to the bank. And the Ma Barker aka Barker-Karpis gang robbed banks. They robbed a LOT of banks. They did something that’s very hard to do, and they did it over and over again. Coming into a large sum of money quickly - how many of us have had that fantasy? How many of us have daydreamed about hitting the lottery of finding a briefcase full of unmarked hundred dollar bills? That would be the best! Well, the Barker boys didn’t just fantasize about that. They did it. They didn’t find money or win it - they just went out and took it. And they got away with it for years. They robbed bank, after bank, after drugstore, after hardware store, clothing store, Chevy dealership, jewelry store, and still more banks. They committed more robberies than the much more famous Dillinger Gang. The Dillinger Gang was active for less than one year. The Barker-Karpis gang was active from 1931 to 1935. They bought a custom bank robbing car off of Al Capone’s car man! They got drunk with Baby Face Nelson in Reno! Got in a barroom debate with future President Harry Truman in Kansas City! President FDR called them out on national radio during one of his famous Fireside Chats! Called them “an attack on everything we hold dear”. FBI Director J Edgar Hoover made it his personal mission to shut them down. Only four Depression-era gangsters were given the title of “Public Enemy Number One” by the FBI: John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson, Pretty Boy Floyd…and Alvin “Creepy” Karpis. And only Karpis, the man who ran with Ma and those Barker boys, was taken alive. And today, we’re gonna Suck deep on the story of this infamous gang and their leader, Ma Barker! A woman J Edgar Hoover described as "the most vicious, dangerous and resourceful criminal brain of the last decade". But, was she really their leader? Or was she just along for the wild ride? Keep listening and find out, on today’s shoot ‘em up, put your hands in the air edition, of Timesuck! PAUSE SHOW INTRO I. Welcome A. Happy Monday Timesuckers! Welcome to the Cult of the Curious, this is Timesuck, and I am the rare cult leader who is not trying to bone any of the cult members. Outside of my wife, of course. I’m always trying to bone her. I am the Master Sucker Dan Cummins. Hail Nimrod! Excited for today’s show and excited for some announcements. Some seriously cool - no - some seriously DOPE ass summer merch just hit the shop. Talking about that in a second. Thank you SO much for all the recents ratings and reviews online - nothing spreads the Suck better than ratings and reviews and word of mouth. Thanks to Whatpods dot com for including Timesuck in their new list of the 64 funniest podcasts in the English speaking world - we landed at number 15. Pretty awesome! Timesuck landed ahead of so many long-standing, very funny & very popular podcasts. Very honored! B. Pre-roll (Amerigas): Timesuck is brought to you once again by Amerigas! America! Gas! Bald Eagles! Barbecues! Willie Nelson! John Wayne! Hot dogs! I think of all these things when I think of Americas. It’s patriotism in gaseous form. So get your grill on this summer with AmeriGas Propane Exchange, and do it on the new, free, American-made WEBER grill you’ve won thanks to Timesuck. Register to win this grill at MyTimeSuckGrill.com! Enter your name and email address. That’s it. The contest runs through the 4th of July, so you have no excuse not to try and win a brand new Weber Spirt II – E 210 (2 burner propane gas grill) A $400 dollar grill - FOR FREE. And how do you get your meat paws on some Amerigas right now for the grill you already own? You pick up propane tanks at your local Home Depot, Dollar General Store, and many other stores nationwide. How do you win that Weber grill? Sign up at MyTimeSuckGrill.com. The winner will be announced on Friday, July 6th! God speed and Hail Nimrod. C. Summer Merch: Now for that exciting merch news - the summer line is here! I know pickings have been pretty slim since the Memorial Day sale. I know sizes have been low. And by low, I mean completely out of almost everything. Well now we have all kinds of good shit. 1. Black Tee! First up - the seventh generation timesuck tee! A Danger Brain black on BLACK, unisex, crew neck classic! Cult of the Curious on the front, Timesuck on the back - little more subtle than previous designs. What did we use for fabric on this one? A classic mashup of koala anus and Chinchilla labia. 200% of each! The Koala anus is somehow domestic this time. Not sure how that works. The Chinchilla labia is imported. And the result is a shirt so soft and beautiful it’s hard not to immediately cum when you put it on. 2. Summer tee! Next up! Eighth generation summer tee! A Tahiti- blue, Cult of the Curious banger with some 90s pop to it! 300% imported dolphin tit-skin. I didn’t know that dolphins had tits or skin, but my fabric importer assures me it’s a thing, that it’s very rare and sought after, and that it’s some of the softest and sexiest material on Earth. Each shirt comes with a free boner and/or vaginal moistness. 3. Tank tops! Next up - you’ve asked since last summer and it’s finally here - the first generation Timesuck tank top! A royal blue stunner. Time to bring out the guns. Time to showcase the ta-tas. Nimrod is SO pleased with this tank top. It’s 50% cotton. And a 1,000% baby deer AKA fawn, inner-thigh fur. You ever rubbed a young deer’s inner thigh? It’s sublime. And now those baby deer legs can rub you every time you wear this beauty. 4. Koozies: What else!?! Fucking koozies, that’s what! Black and silver cult of the curious koozies, dark blue and gold Nimrod koozies, blue and gold Chikatilo koozies, red and a sexy blood orange Lucifina koozies. And black and lime green Secret Suck koozies only available for Space Lizards. Keep your drinks cold and keep your mind sharp this summer! Koozies are believed to give their owners somewhere around 500 extra IQ points. That’s what my science team tells me. And by science team, I mean my two doodles, Penny Poopers and Ginger Belle. 5. Magnets: Is that all? Nope. You’ve asked for over a year and magnets are now also here! A 3 inch by 3 inch, sick black logo based, circular magnet. AND - a 7 inch by 1 3/4 inch rectangular magnet. Both guaranteed to spread the Suck! Both guaranteed to block reptilian mind-control signals beaming down from the moon. Both guaranteed to annoy the shit out of Flat-Earthers. Okay, real quick tour announcements before diving into to the Ma Barker gang! D.