In The Zone Vol 2 May 2020

The show must go on Behind the scenes at Zone Radio

Say what? Misheard song lyrics

You heard it first... The listing of all the new songs played in April

Call me for supper How to get a Unicorn foaming at the mouth

The Voice of the Valley CONTENTS May 2020

Welcome To Shorties Blue Bottle Noordhoek Blue Bottle Liquors has been operating successfully since the year 2000. We carry huge ranges of wine, malt whiskies, and are geared for all functions. Our emphasis is on personal One-hit Wonders service in a safe environment, promoting responsible drinking. All of these artists have had hits. Yet for most of them their first hit was also their last hit. We pride ourselves in quality products. We haven’t left it there though!! We have now extended our operation and set up a Traders Association involving several very successful Page 34 independent liquor stores who understand their customer’s needs and are extremely aware of promoting responsible drinking. They have revamped their stores for a better, secure and informative shopping experience. Being part of the Blue Bottle membership means we offer better prices, professional advice and don’t forget the personal touch of the owner. Features 32 20 Pirates of the classroom 6 Say what? The buccaneers of the 21st cen- The Show must go on We all love to sing along with tury are not plundering ships at sea. Rather they’re plagiarisers Behind the scenes at Zone Ra- our favourite song. But are you of other people’s work. dio. sure you’re singing the right words 36 Click on the link on the left to 10 24 Call me for supper visit our website. Rite of Passage How to get a Unicorn foaming Every culture has ceremonies Well I never at the mouth and traditions for most of the Ever wonder where some com- mon sayings that we use come 38 important events in a person’s Don’t breathe out life. from? Well wonder no more. Nothing can ruin an intimate 14 moment more than bad breath. Where do the children play 28 40 Congrats to the older generation While technology is part and The art of chirping Think it’s tough being a teen? parcel of our lives, Trish Davies Some of the best sports com- Then read this. poses a few things to consider. ments, on and off the field. 16 30 42 You heard it first... Hollywood Hogwash Did you know? The new songs played on Zone Ajith Subramoney looks at Some trivia just for you. Radio this April just how wrong the movies can be. 3 Listen I know my luck. While most Irish people believe in Murphy’s Law, which says, From the “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”, I’m a firm be- liever in O’Toole’s Principle editor’s which says, “Murphy was just desk an optimist.” Bierman Straus We’ll be at Stage One and I’ll PUBLISHER o, here we are. It’s 1 May be told that once again I can go Hipe Media and, as promised, the sec- to my local supermarket and Sunvalley ond issue of In The Zone buy a cooked roast chicken. EDITOR S I will stand at the deli counter, Matt Tennyson is out. So we’re still in lockdown, smacking my lips and drooling but as you very well might point while my chicken is put into a ASSISTANT EDITOR out, we’ve downgraded from packet. Courtney Taljaard Then, just as I’m about to take Stage 5 lockdown to Stage 4 CONTRIBUTORS lockdown. Not that I can see all delivery of my tender morsel it Lucille Byrnes, Janine Cas- that much difference mind you. will be snatched from my hands sidy, Trish Davies, Shaun Fritz, I still can’t go and sit down and I will be informed, “Sorry, Nombeko Gqamani, Richard to a meal in my favourite res- but they’ve just changed from Griggs, Stix Mkhize, Ryan Mur- taurant while smoking a stogie Stage One to Stage Five again. phy, Matt O’Brien, Ajith Subra- We are a family orientated Optometry practice, with and sipping on some fine Irish So no chicken for you.” money, Fiona Taylor, Matt Ten- whiskey. Look, I’m not for one sec- professional staff looking after the person behind the nyson, eyes. I’m still not exactly sure of ond trying to make light of the Covid-19 pandemic. It’s Visit us at Sunvalley Mall or call us on 021 785 3141 what we can and cannot do dur- In The Zone is pub- a global killer and we need to ing Stage 4. That’s mainly be- lished on-line every month. do everything in our power to cause they seem to change the The articles used in In The Click on the above link to protect ourselves and our loved rules every five minutes. Zone are copyrighted and visit our Facebook page. ones. Yet there has to be some One minute I can buy certain may not be used without sort of clarity regarding the items, the next minute I am no prior permission from the edi- whole lockdown process. We longer allowed to buy those tor. cannot remain in lockdown in a items. Will someone please The views stated in this mag- state of limbo. make up their mind. azine do not necessary reflect I don’t see the point in even- Okay, I understand the whole the views of In The Zone, the tually being able to boast that idea of having different stages, editor, the staff, Zone Radio, or we saved 70,000 pepole from What I don’t understand is how, Hipe Media. when and why they will deter- contracting the virus. Unfor- mine which stage we should be tunately 80,000 people died of Hipe! in on any given day. And who starvation because they were P.O. Box 31216, Tokai, 7966 will make this decision? unable to earn any income to South Africa. Will someone from the gov- feed themselves. Oh, and an- ernment appear on television other 107,000 went insane due email and say something like, “Today, to cabin fever. [email protected] I feel it in my bones, is a Stage Trust you will enjoy this Three day. Thank you.” month’s magazine. Back Issues How long will we remain Until next month. To view any back issues of in a stage before it upgraded In The Zone, go to www.hipe. or downgraded to a different co.za or click here. stage? Matt 5 Zone! cover story follows. 9.00 am to 12.00 pm is “The Saturday Breakfast Zone” which is usually presented by The show must go on Rob Martin but is being pre- If anyone has lived up to the metaphor “the show must go on”, it’s been Zone Radio. Even sented by Janet Scanlon during during lockdown the ‘Voice of the Valley’ has continued to broadcast. Yet what exactly goes the lockdown. into doing a show. “The Saturday Lunch Zone” is presented by Ali Faraday from 12.00 to 3.00 pm, and o fewer that three art- would begin a three-week lock- On Mondays Courtney Tal- Greg Sirmongpong hosts “Sat- ists or bands had a hit down to prevent the spread of jaard, who also happens to be urday PM Zone” from 3.00 to Nwith a song titled “The the Covid-19 virus, it was also the assistant editor of In The 6.00 pm. Show Must Go On”. announced that only essential Zone, reads the news at 10.00 Sunday morning start off with The first was recorded by services would be allowed to am, 12.00 pm, 2.00 pm and “The Sunday Breakfast Zone” British artist Leo Sayer, who re- continue operating. 4.00 pm. from 9.00 am to 12.00 pm. This leased The Show Must Go On Radio stations were included “Reading the news can is hosted by ‘The Two Grumpy in 1973. It went on to become in the list of essential servic- be scary,” Courtney admits. Old Men”, Matt Tennyson and his first hit single, reaching the es, and naturally this included “Sometimes you can have a re- John Verster. Top Ten in Britain, Ireland, and Zone Radio. ally difficult surname or place They are followed from 12.00 Australia. The station broadcasts live name. There can be some real to 3.00 pm by Adrian Buck- American rock band Three from Monday to Friday from tongue-twisters. And because land with “The Sunday Lunch Dog Night covered The Show 7.00 am to 9.00 pm, and on you’re reading live you can’t Zone”. Between 3.00 and 6.00 Must Go On in 1974 and it Saturday and Sunday from 9.00 go back and edit out any mis- pm you can listen to “The Jazz reached number four in the am to 9.00 pm. Between 9.00 takes.” and Swing Zone” hosted by Billboard Top 100 charts. pm and 7.00 am, music is auto During lockdown Janet has Sotmo and Sam. Released as the twelfth and streamed. been performing another vital Yet, as we mentioned earlier, final track on their 1991 album Each show has a duration of task - keeping the studio clean these shows don’t just happen. Innuedno, The Show Must Go three hours, with the exception and disinfected. Each presenter needs to know On is a song by British rock of the Monday to Friday ‘Zone Fifteen minutes before a show how the equipment and soft- band Queen. Sunrise’, which is two hours. Janet cleans and disinfects the ware in the studio works. They The song chronicles the effort Each presenter is responsible computer keyboard, mouse, mi- also have to be well versed in of Freddie Mercury continuing for the smooth running of his or crophones, headphones, desk, GRUMPY OLD MAN: “What’s this button do?” asks presenter the format of the station, in- to perform despite approaching her show. And there is more to door handles and just about John Verster, one of the two Grumpy Old Men that hosts “The cluding what can and can’t be the end of his life, although his this than meets the eye. everything else. Sunday Breakfast Zone”. said over the air. diagnosis with HIV/AIDS had Rob Hoffman does the Zone And if that’s not enough, Those that are doing special- not yet been made public in Sunrise show every weekday Janet also presents ‘The Par- does ‘The Drive Zone’, which Retro Zone.” All three of these ised shows need to ensure that spite of ongoing media specu- morning from 7.00 am to 9.00 ty Zone’ every Friday evening is by far the most busy show in shows are presented by Judy the playlist for that show is suit- lation claiming that he was se- am. Yet before he can even from 6.00 to 9.00 pm. the line-up. Roberson. able. It wouldn’t be any good riously ill. think about doing a show, the On weekdays between 9.00 Besides having a news report, Thursday evening sees “That for Rob and Ernie to be play- Mercury was so ill when the studio needs to be open. am and 12.00 pm Sue Hair pre- there is also a sports report and 80s Zone” presented by Rob ing 60s music during “That 80s band recorded the song in 1990 This is just one of the many sents ‘The Brunch Zone’.Then the ‘Good News Feature’. And Hoffman and Ernie Sierra. Janet Zone”. that fellow band member Brian responsibilities of Janet Scan- from 12.00 to 3.00 pm it’s the The Unicorn has to scan the In- Scanlon does ‘The Party Zone” The Two Grumpy Old Men, May had concerns as to wheth- lon. From Monday to Friday turn of Jacques de Klerk with ternet and select the good news on Friday evenings, while Allan Matt and John, describe a typ- er he was physically capable of there is news at 8.00 am, 10.00 ‘The Lunch Zone’. story for that day. Marriot hosts “The Saturday ical Sunday morning on “The singing it. am, 12.00 pm, 2.00 pm and 4.00 With his years of experience Between 6.00 and 9.00 pm Sing Along”. Sunday Breakfast Zone”. The show must go on is some- pm, and Janet is the person that in radio broadcasting, Richard every evening there are special- Finally it’s the turn of Shel- “John normally picks me up thing that Zone Radio 88.5 FM reads the news. ‘The Unicorn’ Griggs could ised shows. On Monday there’s lee-Kim Gold to present on his way to the studio,” says firmly believes in. When it Not only does Janet read the probably do a show in his sleep. “The Blue’s Zone”, Tuesday is “The Life Zone” on a Sunday Matt. “On the drive through we was announced that on Friday news, she also has to compile Between 3.00 and 6.00 pm “The SA Music Zone”, and on evening. will chat about what we’re go- 27 March 2020 South Africa the report for each broadcast. every week day The Unicorn Wednesday it’s the turn of “The The Saturday line-up is as ing to focus on during the show 6 7 “Shortly before the song begins to play I click on the Au- played and, where possible, the a d e ends I switch on the two micro- tomated/Assisted button, set- presenters will accommodate phones and make sure that the ting it to Assisted. This ensures them. Automated/Assisted button is that when the last song finishes “We get quite a lot of c set to Assisted.” we can then speak. If this is not WhatsApp messages during b Of course it is always a good done then the next track will a show,” says Matt. “Some of idea to have the microphones automatically start to play.” them send a WhatsApp just to f switched on when you are about About ten seconds before the say hi, while others ask us to to speak, otherwise the listeners song ends Matt again switches play a request or send a greet- will hear nothing. both microphones on so that as ing to family or friends.” “It’s something that I think all the song fades out they can be- You can WhatsApp the studio presenters have done at some gin to speak. on +27 72 447 8044. stage or another,” says Matt. “Once again we start with a Presenters also keep an eye “I was once standing in for the station or show identifier. This out for any upcoming adver- j Unicorn on the Drive Zone and I lets the listeners know which tisements. read the entire Good News story station they’re listening to, “We have two types of adver- with my microphone switched what show they’re listening to, tisements,” says Matt. “One is i off. So only I heard the good and who they’re listening to.” a pre-recorded advertisement. g news.” Matt will then back-announce When these come up in the Once the theme song has end- the last set played. track list all we need to do is ed Matt then starts to speak, giv- “This lets listeners know what click on the play button. The ing listeners a station identifier. songs they heard in the last set, second type is a live-read. Then “Good morning, you’re lis- and who the artists were.” either John or myself will ac- h tening to Zone Radio, the voice Song choice for a set is im- tually read the advertisement of the valley on 88.5 FM. This portant. out.” is the Sunday Breakfast Zone “You don’t want to start the The Two Grumpy Old Men with the two grumpy old men, morning off with anything too often have a theme running that day.” let’s take a look at how it actu- g) Auxiliary players. This and it’s a very good morning heavy,” says John. “You want to through a show. In the studio there are two ally works. is where you set up tracks or from him, John Verster...” ease the listeners into the show “For example on one Sunday computers, the mixing desk, and a) This shows the title of the sound bites that are played dur- “And a very good morning first thing in the morning.” we looked at One-hit Wonders. three microphones. song currently playing. ing a show. from him, Matt Tennyson,” At least once during the show We played quite a few of them Matt usually sits in front of the b) Automated/Assisted but- h) This indicates when the John will come in. Matt will tells listeners that the and then gave the listeners a mixing desk and the main com- ton. If the button is set to Au- next advertisement is due. The two will then normally next set he will play will all have bit more information about the puter. John sits on the other side tomated then the next track will i) Sweeper. These are station chat for a few minutes before something in common. Listen- song,” says Matt. at microphone number two. This begin to play as soon as the cur- identifiers. playing the first set of the show. ers can then send a WhatsApp Matt and John admit that they is the same microphone used by rent track has finished. j) Individual songs or tracks. The Automated/Assisted but- directly to the studio and see have a lot of fun doing their guests to the studio. Although If, however, the presenter When the station goes live ton then has to be set to Auto- if they can spot the common show on a Sunday morning. during lockdown no guests have needs to speak then the button each morning, there are two mated. Otherwise the music thread. Much of what they do is ad-lib been allowed to visit. must be set to Assisted before tracks that are played. The first will not begin to play. “I might play something like and they can pull it off because The first thing that Matt does the end of the current track. one is a trumpet fanfare. Another thing that is impor- ‘Waterloo’ by Abba, ‘Save All the two of them have known is check the volume for both of c) History. This indicates the The second one is a song ti- tant is to ensure that both mi- Your Kisses For Me’ by Broth- each other for many years. the microphones. songs, sweepers and advertise- tled “In The Zone” by Rebec- crophones are then turned off. erhood of Man, and ‘Making “I love what I do,” says Matt, “If it’s set too low then the ments that have already played. ca Rain and Mick Evans. This A set begins with what is Your Mind Up’ by Bucks Fizz. “and I know all the other pre- listeners will battle to hear d) Remaining duration of the song is Zone Radio’s theme known as a sweeper. This is a OF course all three songs were senters feel the same way.” you,” says Matt. “Too high and song currently playing. When tune. jingle or station identifier such winners of the Eurovision Song So the next time you’re lis- you’re going to be distorted.” there is ten seconds of a song or “The first thing I do once I’ve as, “From Cape Town to the Contest.” tening to Zone Radio, spare a Matt then checks the Ra- track remaining the blue num- checked the microphone levels world. One Zone. Zone Radio The other computer in the stu- thought for the presenters. A lot dio DJ software to ensure that bers turn to red. is ensure that the fanfare and 88.5 FM”. This is normally fol- dio is used to check WhatsApp of work goes into ensuring that everything is set up. e) Current time. “In The Zone” are queued up in lowed by three songs. messages from listeners. They you’re listening to the best mu- Talking about the software, f) Current date. the auxiliary player,” says Matt. “When the last song in the set will often request a song to be sic on the best station. 8 9 Zone! feature Rite of Passage

normally celebrated in western similarly based around the pre- of passage. All human beings, culture when a person turns 21. sentation of adult clothing. In especially the Dvija or twice- Every culture has ceremonies and traditions for most of the im- Other cultures, however, vary modern Japan, these ceremo- born are required to perform a portant events in a person’s life; be it a birth, coming of age, mar- on the age when a person is re- nies have been replaced by an- number of sacrifices with obla- riage, or even death. MATT O’BRIEN take a closer look. garded as being an adult. nual coming of age ceremonies tions for Gods, ancestors and The Jewish coming of age for 20-year-olds of both sexes guardians in accordance with wenty-one today, religions seem to have them. Karan is a Sikh ceremony of ceremony is known as a Bar called seijin shiki. the Vedic dictums for a Dhar- twenty-one today, In most Christian cultures, naming a child and it usually Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah. Boys The Guan Li is the Chinese mic or righteous life. Sanskar is I’ve got the key of baptism plays an important role. takes place in a Gurdwara (Sikh celebrate their Bar Mitzvah at coming of age ceremony. The a commonly used variant of the “T the age of 13, while girls cel- name Guan Li refers to the cer- Sanskrit word Samskara and the door, I’ve never been twen- In some churches this is done at place of worship) after the baby ty-one before.” birth and it is normally when and mother are medically and ebrate a Bat Mitzvah when they emony for men, whilst the Ji signifies cultural heritage and It’s been many years since the child is named. In many physically fit enough to attend turn 12. Li refers to the one for women. upbringing in modern Hindi. I heard that little song sung at charismatic churches, however, the Gurdwara. It normally just Genpuku was a historical The age of the person is usually Russ is a tradition and cul- my 21st birthday party. In fact, baptism doesn’t take place at involves the main family mem- Japanese coming of age cere- 20 and during the ceremony, tural phenomenon in Scandina- if I recall correctly, Mozart was birth. This happens much later, bers attending. mony. It was also known as Ka- the person obtains a style name. via, most notable in Norway. In playing the piano when they when a person is old enough to Amrit Sanskar or Amrit kan and marked the entry into These ceremonies are now rare- Norway, students who graduate sung it. give their life to God. They are Sanchar or the Amrit ceremony adulthood of boys between the ly practiced in China, however from upper secondary school The 21st birthday celebration then baptised as a sign of being is the Sikh ceremony of ini- ages of 12 and 16. They were there has been a recent resur- are called russ and celebrate is a big deal in western culture. “born again”. The person being tiation or baptism. It embodies taken to the shrines of their pa- gence, especially from those with the characteristic festivi- It is the day that you “come of baptised is immersed under the the primary objects of the Sikh tron kami (spirits) where they who are sympathetic to the ties (russefeiring) during the age”. You are now officially an water. faith, and promises connection were presented with their first Hanfu movement. first few weeks of May. adult. It probably stems from It is symbolic of being bur- with the Guru as well as pro- adult clothes. They would also The Poy Sang Long (Festival In Sweden, a similar celebra- the fact that in many countries ied and then rising again as a moting the ability to lead a pure receive a special haircut known of the Crystals Sons) is a rite tion is called Studenten (the stu- you had to be 21 before you new person. Yet some churches and pious life which will unite as mizura. Finally, they were of passage ceremony among dent). In Finland students cele- could vote. It is also tradition can’t even agree on how this the “pure one” with Almighty given adult names (eboshi-na). the Shan people in Myanmar brate the start of the final exam to receive a key on your 21st should be done. Some say that Lord. Other Christian churches During the Heian period, the and Northern Thailand. Boys in a similar tradition called pen- birthday, a symbol denoting the body should be immersed will have rituals such as the first ceremony was restricted to the between the ages of seven and kkarit. your “freedom”. once under the water, while Holy Communion. This is com- sons of samurai families. Dur- 14 take novice monastic vows. The Amish religious denomi- We seem to have rituals and others say the person should be mon to the Catholic Church. ing the Muromachi era this They also participate in mon- nation lives to a very strict code ceremonies for most of the im- immersed three times. One ritual that is common to gradually spread to include astery life for a period that can of conduct. Yet during adoles- portant events in our lives. We In the Jewish culture, male most cultures and religions is people of lower status and rank. vary from a single week to cence teens, usually at the age have them for birth, coming of children are circumcised shortly the “coming of age” ceremo- The equivalent ceremony for months or even years. of about 16, embark on a pe- age, marriage, even for death. after birth in a ceremony known ny - the rite of passage from women was called mogi, and In Hinduism, the Samskra are riod known as Rumspringa. And, although they may differ as the bris. This is a symbol of childhood into adulthood. As was performed for girls aged a series of sacraments, sacrific- They normally move out of the somewhat, most cultures and their covenant with God. Naam we have already seen, this is between 12 and 14, and was es and rituals that serve as rites community and are allowed the 10 11 bit of research into traditional come out. Whiskey, known in This was so that if the dead per- old Viking funerals. They were Irish as uisce beatha (the water sons ghost saw themselves in really something else. of life) would flow. the mirror they wouldn’t get a Being Irish, my culture has Wakes would often turn into fright by finding out they were enough rituals and traditions. huge parties and it was not un- dead. The celebration of St Patrick’s common for there to be a fight According to old Irish tradi- Day, the patron saint of Ireland, or two. I once heard a story, tion a person would always be is probably one of the biggest probably true, that someone buried with a new pair of shoes. rituals. At one stage it was a re- punched the corpse at a wake This was because the new shoes ligious festival, now it is also an because apparently the corpse wouldn’t know the way back excuse to have a huge party. didn’t want to have a drink with home and the spirit couldn’t Naturally the Irish also have him. come and haunt its old house. rituals and traditions dealing You can listen to a wonder- Traditions, rituals, rites, cel- with death. One Irish ritual that ful song about an Irish wake, ebrations - they’re a part of life, is still often observed is the called Tim Finegan’s Wake) by and of death. It’s a sad fact that wake. clicking here. many of these traditions and The corpse would be laid out Another Irish tradition was to rituals are dying out with the at his home for everyone to see place two coins on the corpse’s younger generations. Maybe and pay their last respects. The eyelids. This was so they would we should keep them going. Af- women would normally arrive be able to pay the ferryman that ter all, they are a rite of passage. first and sit around speaking carried them across the River quietly while drinking tea. Styx to the other side. Then the men would arrive Mirrors in the house were and the stronger stuff would covered until after the funeral. JUMPING AROUND: Rumspringa is an Amish tradition where the youth gets to let their hair down. freedom to do as they please. riages. A bride will sometimes tradition that when you do your They are allowed to partake in only get to meet her husband 1,000th jump, you do it nude. activities that are normally ta- for the first time at their wed- Even education has many boo within the community. ding ceremony. rituals and traditions. Think of Rumspringa ends either when Rituals, traditions, and cere- graduation ceremonies, matric the youth chooses baptism with- monies extend to just about ev- dances and initiation for new in the Amish church and returns ery aspect of life. Not only the pupils. to the community, or when they important ones. When I did my While there are rituals for decide to leave the community PPL (Private Pilot’s Licence) birth, coming of age, marriage, forever. The Amish elders re- there was a tradition, and I be- and just about everything in False Bay Firearm gard Rumspringa as a time for lieve it stills exists, that after between, don’t forget the final courtship and finding a wife. you had completed your first send off. That time in our life Training Academy While on the subject of find- solo flight, your feet were not when we bring down the cur- ing wives, nearly every culture allowed to touch the ground un- tain and join the choir invisible. Shooting range, Shooting lessons, Handgun training, Rifle shooting, Hunting accessories has a marriage ceremony of til you had been “dunked”. Yes, even death comes with including Telescopic Sights, Sports shooting, Target shooting, Gunsmith services, Arms some sort. While they may dif- At the flight school where I its own little rituals and cer- and ammunition. Team building programs offered. Gun club. Clay Pigeon Shooting, Clay Targets fer in many ways, the objective trained, as soon as you landed emonies. remains more or less the same fellow qualified pilots would Nearly every culture and reli- - becoming betrothed to a part- carry you from the cockpit to a gion has some sort of ceremony Shop: 021 782 0107 or Cell:073 865 3307 ner. Some religions and cultures fish pond in front of the club- to mark the death of a person. Mail [email protected] allow for more than one wife. house and you were thrown into These include funeral services, Others still have arranged mar- the water. In skydiving there is a burial, or even cremation. Do a

12 13 Zone! feature two are needed for texting, and ation worse. The solutions re- et” by looking at the impact of muscles are atrophying through quire balance: regulated time in digital technology as it changes constant sitting. Insomnia is front of screens, enough physi- human behaviour and what can Where do the children play? common because the blue light cal activity outdoors, hydration be done to alleviate some of the resulting problems. They claim While technology is part and parcel of our lives, Trish Davies poses a few things to consider. from instruments used before and good nutrition, all of which bed, interferes with sleep. On- are compromised by screen ad- that while we obviously need line bullying is increasing, lead- diction. Although, really diffi- technology, too much and the have to admit to being of a all was being ushered in by our But now we find ourselves ing to feelings of inadequacy, cult for stressed parents, many wrong kind could destroy us. certain age, because while I marches and demonstrations, constantly checking our smart hopelessness, and often suicide. who are working long hours to Even now, in our isolation, fully subscribe to the senti- our dreams would become a phones, irritable and agitated 85% said they ‘craved’ being feed their families and have lit- we somehow need to make I liked by strangers or friends tle time or patience left at the technology our friend, not be- ments of the Bard (Dylan that reality and we were going to when our digital devices are un- is, not the ancient British guy) change the world. Well, the available. Sometimes we even online, inviting dangerous liai- end of the day, they need to set come its victim. and do my best to “stay forever world has certainly changed, stay online much longer than sons, and 15% have removed boundaries and not abdicate It simply makes me long for young,” certain signposts keep but we failed miserably. Where we planned, using the virtual their clothing for strangers or their responsibilities or use dig- the sweet wine and music of my cropping up. The other day in are the tree-hugging, plant-eat- world to escape real-life prob- friends. Violent video games ital tech as the new “pacifier”. youth, when a kinder and real the grocery store, a strapping ing dreams of my youth? lems. Psychologists claim that reduce the brain’s ability to use The World Health Organi- world seemed possible. Aah middle-aged hunk called me Where is equality before the at least 6% of smartphone users logic, planning and reason, and sation (WHO) has classified well, back to my rocking chair, “ouma.” To be fair to myself, law for all and the brotherhood show the classic signs of addic- the damage to the brain may be compulsive online gaming as a to read and dream, with Led I did have my hair in a bun – of man (and woman)? Where is tion. Considering that there are permanent. The litany of woes “mental health condition” and a Zeppelin on some new-fangled what was I thinking? the flower-powered, warm and more than 5 billion smart phone seems as long as the hymns of new field of mental health sci- device that plays music these But last night, a huge mile- fuzzy, peaceful place we knew users worldwide, that’s a lot of praise. ence has emerged − cyber psy- days. Thank goodness for Zone stone was passed. I was in bed was there for the making? addicts. Solutions are difficult and chology. Cyber psychologists Radio −and digital mags! doing a cryptic crossword and Instead we are dazed and The worst impact, though, is victories hard won, and the and neuroscientists are work- Listen to the Cat Steven’s listening to the music of my confused in a cold, virtual tech- on our most vulnerable − the lock-down is making the situ- ing together “to save the plan- song by clicking here. youth, when – horrors − I dozed nology-driven world, distant children. Back in the day, Cat off to Led Zeppelin! “Valhalla I and difficult to grasp. I am of Stevens, already concerned am comeenng ...” Trouble is, as the opinion, though, that if they about the fast industrialization a friend reminded me, it is “bed stopped speaking ‘Acronym’ of the tech-driven world and I am comeenng,’ which, tragi- to explain it, it might be a little disappearance of open-air play- cally, is becoming the norm, if easier. It is just too exhausting grounds, asked, “Where do the less poetic. to keep interrupting with “Huh, children play?” We now can an- However, I am not here to what does that stand for?” so swer him: “In a virtual world, flagellate myself with a soggy we let it wash over us in a wave often violent and bloody, im- lettuce leaf for every embar- of jargon and hope our five- mersed in the many false friend- rassing milestone on my way to year-old grandchild will take ships and dangers of social me- the old age home, but to com- the time to show us later – emo- dia.” ment on the strange, strange ji eyes and all! This virtual playing field, de- world I now find myself living This leaves us adrift in a sea spite the many pluses in educa- in, and to lament the loss of the of tech, just hopin’ and prayin’ tion and recreation, has resulted Visit us Contact us one I dreamed would be. that we don’t delete anything in alarming changes in children. Gone are the red, red wine- vital. Research done by the Neuro 33b Longboat Road, Sunnydale, 7975 0212011887 soaked times of lying on a Age related confusion aside, Business Institute and oth- threadbare carpet till the very we all acknowledge that the er organisations, showed that early hours of the morning, lis- computers, tablets and smart 80% of children are dependent [email protected] 0846853336 tening to what is still the great- phones of the digital age have on cell phones and 25% said est music ever on vinyl, and benefited us. We can see the they had stolen money for air- putting the world right. We were benefits of AI and virtual reali- time from friends and family. It Click on the link to visit our website so sure of ourselves, so sure of ty, despite their potential pitfalls was noted that three fingers on what should be. We knew that a scaring the living daylights out each hand are starting to lose time of justice and equality for of us. full functionality because only 14 15 Zone! feature The Reverent Cavaliers 4 Winds Hunter Gatherer Killjoy Undamaged Destiny Conceited You heard it first... Papa Satch Rebound Every Monday Zone Radio features new music, both local and international, as part of their The Cranberry Merchants Disturbing The Peace Mission Statement to provide a platform for musicians to showcase their talent. Mack Meadows If I Live Long Enough Felix Cartal & Sophie Simmons Mine art of Zone Radio’s Mis- cian can get their music out is to local and international musi- sion Statement is to pro- upload it to a platform such as cians. For the majority of these Monday 20 April 2020 Pvide a platform for musi- YouTube. The only problem is songs, it is the very first time South African Artists cians to showcase their talent. that with more than one billion that they are being played over Artist Song Title One of the most challenging videos on YouTube these songs the airwaves. Chris Duvenage Seasons things for new artists and bands are not easy to find. Take a look at some of the new is to get airtime on radio. It of- Zone Radio doesn’t just talk- songs that Zone Radio played Christian Heath Fight For Love ten ranges from difficult to im- the-talk, they also walk-the- during the month of April. Dominic Swartz Fade Away possible. walk. Every Monday listeners NB: Click on any song under- You Me & The Harmony Collide Often the only way a musi- can hear new songs from both lined in blue to listen to it. Earl John Don’t Lie To Me Zazz Shadows Monday 6 April 2020 Jan Bloukaas Boerseun South African Artists Dave Starke Calling Out To You Artist Song Title Allistair Lewis Oh Amelia Tinah 10 Million Reasons Cllint C Love On The Brain Anna Wolf Silence Julanie J Gegrond Johan Anker My Arms Sunny n The Cut Roller Coaster Mathew Gold Burn Karmic Kick Ft. Naledzzz Ethereal JR Oh Lord Robin Auld, Bobi Wine & Others Alone But Together Bard Something New Bruce Dennill ft Megan Victor-Carelse Intent Mich Love It Riaan Nieuwenhuis Clarksdale International Artists Jesse Michael Baby Walker’s Cay Tell Me Jeremy Parsons One Of A Kind International Artists Nightblade Further From The Truth Sunny n the Cut Good Love Tyler Gilbert Across The Sea The Impersonators Cloud Nine Heatwave Rastus Ravel (Is A Mean Old Man) Ivory Picture Story Domino Blue Lisa Nemzo Turn To Me Edith I Kinda Liked You The Viewers Hip Shake Kami You Go Girl Jason Marion The Monster’s Voice Jekyll Echoes Jarod Lawley Company Quorum Boyfriend David SweetLow The Plane’s Stopped Flying W B And The Geezers Weekend Angel Annemarie Picerno & Bob McGilpin Money Pain Hanna Barakat Siren Serenade The Stars Heart Shaped Parachute Apollo Twenty Aurora BigMotorGasoline The Way Things Used To Be Gulf Stream Riders Tall Order Highfront Sundown At Sally’s Place 3+1 ft TonyB Alive Deerborn Can’t Find My Way

16 17 Monday 27 April 2020 South African Artists Artist Song Title Parable Fifteen Telling Your Heart PROGRAM SCHEDULE Tanja Storm Waiting For You Hot Water Home Henri Alant & Jennifer Zamudio Daar’s ‘n Rede GnT LiefdeinKwarantyn Lisa Goldin Hope Monday Friday Tasché Tennesee Whiskey 12:00 am - 07:00 am: Music Auto-Stream 12:00 am - 07:00 am: Music Auto-Stream Franja Du Plessis More Hearts Than Mine 07:00 am - 09:00 am: Zone Sunrise 07:00 am - 09:00 am: Zone Sunrise Corné Pretorius Vuur En Vlam 09:00 am - 12:00 pm: The Brunch Zone 09:00 am - 12:00 pm: The Brunch Zone 12:00 pm - 15:00 pm: The Lunch Zone James Deacon Reason 12:00 pm - 15:00 pm: The Lunch Zone 15:00 pm - 18:00 pm: The Drive Zone 15:00 pm - 18:00 pm: The Drive Zone Holly Rey Wannabe 18:00 pm - 21:00 pm: The Blues Zone 18:00 pm - 21:00 pm: The Party Zone Chris J Clarke Day To Night 21:00 pm - 22:00 pm: Rolling Hills Radio Re- 21:00 pm - 12:00 am: Music Auto-Stream Chris Duvenage On A Roll Broadcast 22:00 pm - 12:00 am: Music Auto-Stream Saturday International Artists 12:00 am - 07:00 am: Music Auto-Stream Puppet Theory Someone For You Tuesday 07:00 am - 09:00 am: Music Auto-Stream John Vento Well Yeah Maybe 12:00 am - 07:00 am: Music Auto-Stream 09:00 am - 12:00 pm: Saturday Breakfast Zone 07:00 am - 09:00 am: Zone Sunrise Papa Satch Everynight 12:00 pm - 15:00 pm: Saturday Lunch Zone 09:00 am - 12:00 pm: The Brunch Zone 15:00 pm - 18:00 pm: Saturday PM Zone Gary Burk III Like That 12:00 pm - 15:00 pm: The Lunch Zone 18:00 pm - 21:00 pm: Saturday Sing Along Muddibrooke Turn To Dust 15:00 pm - 18:00 pm: The Drive Zone 21:00 pm - 12:00 am: Music Auto-Stream Dream Aria Lingua Cosmica 18:00 pm - 21:00 pm: The SA Music Zone Jann Klose Pilot Light 21:00 pm - 12:00 am: Music Auto-Stream Sunday Larre U-A Burning Bridges 12:00 am - 07:00 am: Music Auto-Stream Phil Gregory Names Wednesday 07:00 am - 09:00 am: Zone Sunrise Flashfires Cézanne 12:00 am - 07:00 am: Music Auto-Stream 09:00 am - 12:00 pm: Sunday Breakfast Zone 07:00 am - 09:00 am: Zone Sunrise 12:00 pm - 15:00 pm: Sunday Lunch Zone The Banshees Tell Me Everything 09:00 am - 12:00 pm: The Brunch Zone 15:00 pm - 18:00 pm: The Jazz & Swing Zone Lazaris Pit You Don’t Tag Me In Memes Anymore 12:00 pm - 15:00 pm: The Lunch Zone 18:00 pm - 21:00 pm: The Life Zone Nikavo Yummy Miami 15:00 pm - 18:00 pm: The Drive Zone 21:00 pm - 12:00 am: Music Auto-Stream Cherym Abigail 18:00 pm - 21:00 pm: The Retro Zone Dustybonez Righteous Loser 21:00 pm - 22:00 pm: The Moptops & The The Borgias I Don’t Want Nobody Else To Love Me King Re-Broadcast In Memoirs You Can’t Hold Back My Heart 22:00 pm - 12:00 am: Music Auto-Stream

Thursday 12:00 am - 07:00 am: Music Auto-Stream 07:00 am - 09:00 am: Zone Sunrise 09:00 am - 12:00 pm: The Brunch Zone 12:00 pm - 15:00 pm: The Lunch Zone 15:00 pm - 18:00 pm: The Drive Zone 18:00 pm - 21:00 pm: That 80’s Zone 21:00 pm - 12:00 am: Music Auto-Stream

18 19 Zone! entertainment just wet on the wheel I’m gonna shoot my woman, ‘Til You Get Enough I’ve been drivin’ all night, my I’m gonna mess around with hand’s wet on the wheel another man. There’s an old man sitting Say what? Golden Earing - Radar Love I’m gonna shoot my woman, next to me, Making love to his We all love to sing along with our favourite song. But are you sure you’re singing the right I caught her messing around tiny man Jim. words? By Matt Tennyson. I’ll get him high, show him with another man. There’s an old man sitting other guys Jimi Hendrix – Hey Joe next to me, Making love to his I’ll get him hot, show him tonic and gin. ecently I sent an e-mail could dance like this, she makes tomorrow it’s full grown what I’ve got Ala mode let the rhythm take Billy Joel - Piano Man to subscribers of anoth- a man want to speak Spanish Save tonight and fight the Lady Gaga - Poker Face you over ala mode. Rer monthly magazine Shakira – Hips Don’t Lie break of dawn, come tomorrow, Bailamos let the rhythm take Your cat can’t pee in your that I do and asked them the tomorrow I’ll be gone Never let it be said, the Ro- you over bailamos. penthouse. above question. Wake me up and throw your Eagle Eye Cherry - Save To- man’s are dead Enrique Iglesias - Bailamos You cant plant me in your Are you singing the correct cocoa night Let it never be said, The Ro- penthouse. lyrics to a song. Or do you Wake me up before you go go mance is dead Do you wanna buy a kite. Elton John – Goodbye Yellow sometimes mishear what the Wham – Wake Me Up Before Southern girl with the sky-lit Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby You’re one of my kind. Brick Road actual words are? You Go Go bra INXS – I Need You Tonight I received nearly 500 emails Southern girl with the scarlet Is this a zit? Please let me When you lick me in the eyes with some results that left me Kick her teeth out, tell me drawl know. Get on at the bus stop, Don’t When you look me in the eyes screaming with laughter. Here what’s wrong... Red Hot Chili Peppers - Scar If this is it... Please let me stop till you’re getting off Jonas Brothers - When You are just a few examples of mis- Chiquitita, tell me what’s Tisue know. Keep on with the force (don’t Look Me in the Eyes heard lyrics. wrong... Huey Lewis & The News – If stop), Don’t stop till you get What we’ve done is given the Abba - Chiquitita I wanna be your space rider This Is It enough I’m gonna get dressed for line people thought they heard I wanna be your sledgeham- Michael Jackson – Don’t Stop some sex. (in blue), the real line to the Kicking your cat all over the mer song, the artist/group and the place Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer name of the song. Enjoy. Kicking your can all over the place The only boy who could ever In your bed, in your bed. Queen – We Will Rock You teach me was the son of a pizza Gumby, Gumby, Gumby. man In your head, in your head. So you think you’re a rodeo The only boy that could Zombie, Zombie, Zombie. So you think you’re a Romeo ever reach me was the son of a Cranberries - Zombie Supertramp - Take The Long preacher man Way Home Dusty Springfield - Son Of A Longbeach Eye Studio, established in 2013, is an optometry practice that focuses on delivering You and me, my apartheid Preacher Man clear and comfortable vision to our patients. We strive to provide high quality and personalised lover Flying dentures in the air service to Noordhoek region of Cape Town. You and me, my part time The foulest stenches in the air There’s a wino down the road lover Michael Jackson - Thriller And as we wind on down the We make sure to be well stocked with all the latest designer frames from leading eyewear brands, Stevie Wonder – Part-time Lov- road including Cube, Diesel, Guess, Levi’s, Nike, Nine West, Polo and more. We also have a large er Arthur he does as he pleases, Led Zeppelin - Stairway To selection of branded sunglasses. All of his life, he’s messed his Heaven You give love a bandaid pants up Our goal is to help you see your best, look your best and feel your best. We aim to be your You give love a bad name Arthur he does as he pleases, Stab in the liver, your mum- complete eye care provider, committed to the general health of your eyes and maintaining a life- Bon Jovi – You Give Love A All of his life, he’s mastered my or your wife long relationship. Bad Bame choices Stand and deliver, your mon- Christopher Cross - Arthur’s ey or your life I never really knew that she Theme Adam and the Ants - Stand And (021) 785-1886 [email protected] could dance like this, she makes Deliver a man want to see spandex Shave tonight before the I never really knew that she break of dawn come tomorrow, I’ve been drivin’ all night, I 20 21 I’m gonna get dressed for Be Happy success. Roxette - Dressed For Success So come on, come on, swim the local ocean with me Front cover pic Oh, Chris de Burgh, Chris de So come on, come on, do the Burgh, Save us all, tell me life locomotion with me is beautiful Kylie Minogue - Locomotion Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball, Save us all, tell me life is beau- It’s like radiation on your tiful wedding day Keane - Crystal Ball It’s like rain on your wedding day I’m hitting all the people Alanis Morissette - Ironic Imagine all the people John Lennon - Imagine We built this city on sausage rolls Walking on broken backs We built this city on rock ‘n’ Alanis Morissette Walking on broken glass roll Annie Lennox - Walking On Starship - We Built This City Broken Glass Take me through the darkness See that girl, watch her to the break of the day You gotta have cake scream, kicking the dancing ABBA - Gimme, Gimme, You gotta have faith queen Gimme Limp Bizkit - Faith See that girl, watch that scene, digging the dancing queen It doesn’t make a difference if And this song feels sad for ABBA - Dancing Queen we’re naked or not you. It doesn’t make a difference if And the sun will set for you. Saving his life from this warm we make it or not Linkin Park - Shadow Of The sausage tea Bon Jovi - Livin’ On A Prayer Day Spare him his life from this monstrosity Then I saw her face, now I’m Like a virgin touched for the Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody gonna leave her thirty-first time. Then I saw her face, now I’m Like a virgin touched for the Sweet dreams are made of a believer very first time. cheese The Monkees - I’m A Believer Madonna - Like A Virgin Sweet dreams are made of these A year has passed since I I shot Sherry But I did not The Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams broke my nose shoot him dead, you see A year has passed since I I shot the sheriff But I did not I can see clearly now, Lor- wrote my note shoot the deputy raine is gone The Police - Message In A Bot- Bob Marley - I Shot The Sheriff I can see clearly now, the rain tle is gone The land lord says your rent Johnny Nash - I Can See Clear- If you’ve misheard the lyrics is late, He may have to lift the ly Now to a song and they’re not on this gate, Don’t worry, be happy list, send us an email to editor@ The land lord says your rent Gimme Gimme Gimme a hipe.co.za and we will do a fol- EERIE SILENCE: Beach Road in Muizenberg on a Saturday morning. Normally this road is late, He may have to litigate, man after midnight, take me to low up article. would be packed with cars and pedestrians heading for the beach or off to do their shop- Don’t worry, be happy the doctors at the break of the ping. Since the lockdown, sights like this have become all to familiar. Bobby McFerrin - Don’t Worry, day 22 23 Zone! feature and wait and see if they would the word GOLF entered into the Boats after sea invasions, once wake up. Hence the custom of English language. again eliminating any idea of “Holding a Wake’’. withdrawal. Well I never... If you ask somebody to Put A Sock In It, you are asking them If a person is “Not Worth Ever wonder where some common sayings that we use come from? Lucille Byrnes tells us England is old and small and more. the local folks started running to quieten down. In the early His Salt” they are regarded as out of places to bury people, so days of sound recording and ra- not very good at their job and they would dig up coffins and dio broadcasting, the ability to not worth the wages. During the n the course of a day, we the tannery. only place for animals to get would take the bones to a bone- control instrument volumes was days of the Roman Empire salt all use many examples of If you had to do this to sur- warm, so, all the cats and oth- house and reuse the grave. severely limited, but orchestras was an expensive commodity what is known as an idiom. vive you were “piss poor”, but er small animals (mice, bugs) I When reopening these cof- and bands, the forerunners of and soldiers were actually paid Idioms are words and phrases worse than that were the really lived in the roof. fins, one out of 25 coffins were the modern pop band, were in partly in salt, which they carried which those of us with a native poor folk, who couldn’t even af- When it rained, it became found to have scratch marks on high demand. in leather pouches. This pay- English tongue take for grant- ford to buy a pot, they “Didn’t slippery and sometimes the ani- the inside and they realised they Usually the horn sections ment was known as ‘salarium’, ed, as we have grown up to have a pot to piss in” and were mals would slip and fall off the had been burying people alive. would drown out the wind in- from the Latin word ‘sal’, mean- recognise their meaning. That the lowest of the low. roof. Hence the saying “It’s So they would tie a string on struments and strings in the en- ing salt. The modern word for is despite the words being used raining cats and dogs.” the wrist of the corpse, thread closed studios. In an attempt to wages, ‘salary’, also originates having absolutely nothing to do The next time you are wash- it through the coffin and up even the sound out, horn play- from this source. with the context of a conversa- ing your hands and complain Sometimes people could ob- through the ground and tie it to ers muffled their instruments tion we are having. because the water Temperature tain pork, which made them a bell. Someone would have to by literally stuffing a sock into “Leaving No Stone Un- Have you ever wondered isn’t just how you like it, think feel quite special. When visi- sit out in the graveyard all night the mouth of their instruments, turned” is a phrase we use to where those phrases come from about how things used to be. tors came over they would hang (the graveyard shift) to listen bringing them down to the describe having made all pos- in the first place and why we Here are some facts about the up their bacon, to show off. for the bell; thus someone could same sound level as the rest of sible efforts to complete a task. use them? 1500s: It was a sign of wealth that a be, “Saved by the Bell” or was the band. After the Greeks defeated the Let’s look at a few examples Most people got married in man could, “Bring home the considered a “Dead Ringer.” Persians at the battle of Plataea of phrases that are often used, June, because they took their bacon.” If we “Burn Our Bridges”, in 477 BC, Polycrates set about what they mean, and where yearly bath in May and they still They would cut off a little to In the 1400s a law was set we are putting ourselves in a po- finding the treasure he thought they came from. smelled pretty good by June. Share with guests and would all forth in England that a man was sition from which there is no re- had been left in the tent of the However, since they were sit around talking and “chew allowed to beat his wife with a turn, often to our great cost. This Persian general Mardonius. There is an old Hotel/Pub in starting to smell, brides carried the fat’’. stick no thicker than his thumb. phrase can be traced back to the After searching everywhere Marble Arch, London, which a bouquet of flowers to hide the Hence we have “the rule of Roman Army, whose generals he turned to the oracle at Delphi used to have some gallows ad- body odour. Hence the custom Bread was divided according thumb.” adopted the practice of burning who advised him to ‘move every jacent to it. Prisoners were tak- today of carrying a bouquet to status. Workers got the burnt the bridges their soldiers crossed stone’ in his search. Polycrates en to the gallows (after a fair when getting married. bottom of the loaf, the fami- Many years ago in Scotland, on their way into battle, remov- took that advice and subsequent- trial of course) to be hanged. Baths consisted of a big tub ly got the middle, and guests a new game was invented. It ing any thought of retreat from ly found the treasure. The phrase The horse-drawn dray, cart- filled with hot water. The man got the top, or “The Upper was ruled “Gentlemen Only... their minds. soon became popular and only a ing the prisoner, was accompa- of the house had the privilege Crust’’. Ladies Forbidden”, and thus They also used to Burn Their few years later, in 410 BC, Aris- nied by an armed guard, who of the nice clean water, then all would stop the dray outside the the other sons and men, then the Lead cups were used to drink pub and ask the prisoner if he women and finally the children. ale or whisky. The combina- would like one last drink. Last of all the babies. tion of lead and alcohol would If he said yes, it was referred By then the water was so sometimes knock the imbibers to as “One for the road”. If he dirty you could actually lose out for a couple of days. Some- declined, that Prisoner was “On someone in it. Hence the say- one walking along the road the wagon.” ing, “Don’t throw the baby would take them for dead and out with the bath water!” prepare them for burial. They used to use urine to tan They were laid out on the animal skins, so families used Houses had thatched roofs, kitchen table for a couple of to all pee in a pot and t hen once thick straw piled high, with no days and the family would a day it was taken and sold to wood underneath. It was the gather around and eat and drink

24 25 tophanes called it ‘that old prov- would signal to the performers amounts of wine. (wherever game has taken ref- erb’. At nearly 2,500 years old, in the sound-proofed booths As lords and noblemen rare- uge) with the intention of scar- ‘no stone unturned’ may even be when they went ‘on air and live’ ly worked, they would indulge ing it out and into the line of the our oldest idiom. by touching his nose. themselves throughout the day hunters’ guns. That is known as and by the time a hunting party catching a quarry by ‘beating When someone has “Lost A “Deadline” is the final date retired to nearby hostelries in around the bush’. Their Bottle” they have lost or time by which a task has to the evening they would often their nerve and their bravery. be completed. Originally the be rolling drunk. Villagers and “All In The Same Boat” This phrase originates from the deadline was a white line paint- farm workers could rarely af- is an expression used to illus- world of bare-knuckle prizefight- ed at Andersonville prisoner of ford such behaviour, but when trate a group of people all fac- ing during the late 19th and ear- war camp in America during the one of them did they were de- ing exactly the same benefit, or ly 20th centuries. In a fighter’s American Civil War. Without scribed as ‘drunk as a lord’. adverse affect, of a particular corner one of his seconds was the use of wire and fencing An- event. The phrase has a nauti- known as ‘the bottle man’ and dersonville simply had marks- The phrase “Hair Of The cal origin and alludes to sailors his job was to supply water to a men placed around the perim- Dog” is a shortened version of in high seas all facing exactly fighter between rounds. Lost Their Bottle eter and any prisoner crossing ‘the hair of the dog that bit you’. the same peril should the ship Without water a fighter was un- the white line was shot dead, no Early English medical theory go down, regardless of whether able to continue and sometimes questions asked. suggested rubbing the hair of a they were the captain or a lowly it was known for a bottleman to Since then the phrase has particular dog into the wound deck hand. Everybody faced be asked to walk away and leave been applied to newspaper writ- of its bite would cure the ill ef- the same risk. when a fighter was taking a beat- ers who had to have their article fects and heal the wound. The ing, to provide an excuse for him in honour of the achievement, ing the line’ but these days none submitted by a certain time be- phrase was used in many vari- “Crocodile Tears” are con- not continuing. The phrase ‘lost which became known as a ‘hat of them carries swords or other fore a publication went to print. ations until settling down as a sidered to be false tears or his bottleman’ was later short- trick’. Supporters at cricket weapons, although it would be If they missed the deadline their hangover remedy. These days showing insincere sorrow. In ened and widely used to describe matches seldom witness a hat much more fun if they did. story was considered dead as it a few more drinks the day after fact, crocodiles, after eating, cowardly behaviour. trick as it only happens on rare would be out of date by the fol- a major session is said to cure shed excess salt from glands occasions. In football it is far A “Laughing Stock” is a per- lowing day’s print run. the effects of a hangover and is located just beneath each eye, “Throwing in the towel” easier to achieve and thus much son exposed to a wide number known as ‘the hair of the dog’. giving the impression of tears. means that someone has given more common. of other people for their stu- “As Drunk As A Lord” is According to ancient Egyp- up. This is another phrase that pidity. In medieval England the used to describe anyone in an To “Beat Around The Bush” tian legend, after the animal had originated from boxing. When somebody is told to stocks were used in many vil- advanced state of intoxication. is to approach a subject indirect- devoured its victim it would If a boxer was being badly “Toe The Line”, they are ex- lages to hold a petty criminal or During the 18th and 19th centu- ly without tackling the central immediately appear to be cry- beaten his corner would throw a pected to follow the rules and daft soul who had been caught ries heavy drinking was popu- point directly. The saying is a ing with remorse. towel into the ring, indicating to submit to authority. Origi- doing something silly, in front lar among the nobility and men 300 year old hunting phrase re- the referee that he should call a nally this phrase refers to the of their own community. Their of fashion prided themselves lating to beaters, who use sticks Trust you enjoyed that and halt to the fight. The other fight- lines drawn along the two hands and feet would be se- on their talent to consume vast against a bush or undergrowth maybe learnt something new. er would then win the fight on a front benches in the House of cured in the wooden frame and technical knock out or TKO. Commons which still exists. the village folk would gather The two lines are strategically round to laugh at and humili- A “Hat Trick” is the common placed at a distance far enough ate the hapless person, often by phrase used to illustrate three of apart to prevent opposing mem- pelting them with rotten vege- anything, but is most often as- bers reaching each other with tables. sociated with goals scored by their swords, should the de- footballers. But the origin of bating become heated enough. When something is On The the phrase is found in a differ- Any member becoming ani- Nose we take it to be right on ent sport, cricket. Traditional- mated enough during an argu- time, exact and precise. The 33 Longboat St, Sunnydale, Cape Town, 7975 ly any bowler dismissing three ment to step over a line would reason this phrase is used can batsmen with three consecutive be called to order and told to be found in the studios of the Phone: 021 785 2277 deliveries would be awarded ‘toe the line’. Tradition still very early live radio broadcasts a new cricket cap by his team prevents members from ‘cross- where a programme producer 26 27 Zone! feature • We would leave home in the cut, broke bones and teeth and only sailors had tattoos. morning and play all day, as and there were no lawsuits Okay, I know quite a few guys long as we were back when from these accidents. We ate that have pierced ears. They the street lights came on. worms and mud pies made just don’t wear a stud to school. Congratulations to the older generation If I go out I have to give my from dirt, and the worms did And I also know quite a few mom and full itinerary of where not live in us forever. girls that have tattoos. Next time you think life is treating you bad and how tough it is being a teenager, I’m going, what I’m doing, and If I fell out of a tree and broke • The idea of a parent bailing Shaun Fritz suggests that you read this article. Maybe you’ll agree that being a teen who I will be with. And she’ll a bone my mom would ground us out if we broke the law today isn’t quite as bad as we think it is. phone me at least five times to me until I was at least 30. was unheard of. check up. • We were given air guns and They actually sided with the ecently I was throwing grandmother said she used to before we’re even out of the • We would spend hours catapults for our 10th birth- law! One of the guys in mat- my toys out of the cot have two glasses of wine right driveway. building our soapbox go- days and none of us became ric at my school was bust for Ragain. According to my up until the day before she gave • We drank water from the carts out of old prams and serial killers, hijackers or stealing a motorbike. His par- younger sister it’s something I birth to my dad. These days garden hose and not from a then ride down the hill, only psychos. ents freaked. Not at him, mind do often. As if she’s got a lot of you hear all these horror stories bottle. to find out we forgot the I’ve shot just about every weap- you, but at the police because room to talk. about foetal alcohol syndrome. My mom won’t even let us brakes. We built tree houses on possible - but only in video they arrested him and he had to If you look up the word tan- • We took aspirin, ate blue drink water from the tap. and dens and played in river games. I’ve never shot anything spend a night in jail. trum in the dictionary you’ll cheese, raw egg products, • Take away food was limited beds with Matchbox cars. for real. These days you need • Our parents didn’t invent probably find a photo of her loads of bacon and pro- to fish and chips. There were I don’t think I’ve ever seen a a licence for an air gun and I stupid names for their kids there. cessed meat, tuna from a no pizza shops, McDonalds, soapbox cart, let alone built think catapults are illegal. like ‘Kiora’ and ‘Blade’ and The reason why I was throw- can, and didn’t get tested for KFC, Steers or Nandos. one. It’s like a homemade go- • Mum didn’t have to go to ‘Ridge’ and ‘Vanilla’. ing my toys out of the cot was diabetes or cervical cancer. How did they survive? We’ve cart. work to help dad make ends That’s actually quite funny. I because I wanted an iPhone and I don’t think I’ve ever had as- got all of the above at our local • We did not have Playsta- meet! have a guy called Blade in my my parents said no. pirin in my life. My mom, and mall. Although at the moment, tions, Nintendo Wii , X-box- I’m lucky because my mom class and a girl called Storm. All my friends have decent I hope she doesn’t read this, is during lockdown, it doesn’t re- es, no video games at all, no doesn’t work. But most of my Okay, after reading that I’ve phones and I’m the only one that a bit of a green freak and health ally help us at all. DStv, no video, no DVD’s, friends have both parents that got a lot more respect for my still uses a phone that should be nut. Everything is natural this • All the shops closed at 6.00 no iPods, no mobile phones, work. mom and dad. in a museum. It’s hard being a and organic that. pm during the week and at no personal computers, no • Rugby and cricket had try- Maybe being a teenager these 16 year old sometimes. • Then after that trauma, our 1.00 pm on Saturdays. None Internet or Internet chat outs and not everyone made days is not as bad as I think. In My dad printed out an e-mail baby cots were covered with of them were open on a Sun- rooms. We had friends and the team. Those who didn’t fact I somehow doubt if I would that he had received some time bright coloured lead-based day. And we didn’t starve. we went outside and found had to learn to deal with dis- have even survived being a teen ago and told me to read it. It paints. No ways. How did the shops them! appointment. back then. was a bit of an eye-opener. I’ve read that lead-based paints manage to survive? Say what! No PC for games, no Imagine that!! Getting into the It was called ‘Congratulations are killers. • We shared one soft drink cellphone, no Internet. I would team was based on merit. That’s to the older generation’, and • We had no childproof lids on with four friends, from one die. something to think about. was aimed at those born from medicine bottles, doors or bottle and no-one actually • We fell out of trees, got • Only girls had pierced ears the 1930’s to the early 1970’s. cabinets and when we rode died from this. My dad was born in 1972, so our bikes, we had no helmets Yuck. I’m not drinking from I guess he could be considered or shoes, not to mention, the a bottle that someone else has ‘older generation’. risks we took hitchhiking. had their mouth on. Gross. I have copied what was in the My dad told me that when he • We ate cupcakes, white e-mail and have added my own was at university he and his best bread and real butter and thoughts. friend would often hitchhike drank soft drinks with sugar • First, we survived being down to Jeffrey’s Bay during in it, but we weren’t over- born to mothers who drank the holidays. My mom would weight because we were al- while they carried us and freak (and so would I). ways outside playing! lived in houses made of as- • As children, we would ride Okay, I guess we do spend a bit bestos. in cars with no seat belts or too much time indoors. And I Although my mom didn’t drink air bags. know a lot of guys, and girls, my when she was pregnant, my I have to put my seat belt on age that are a bit overweight. Tel: 021 789 1364 - 082 771 6232 [email protected] 28 29 Zone! feature Which is why soldiers will hardly ever fire on full automat- ic. Hollywood Hogwash The other type of magic gun Guns that never need to be reloaded; bulletproof vests that will stop anything; bullets that in the movies is those with ab- solutely no recoil. cause everything to explode. Ajith Subramoney looks at just how wrong the movies can be. I’ve seen more than one mov- ie where the hero has a M60 he production costs of from an AK-47 into his chest of fire and our hero makes his machine gun tucked under each some movies are scary. before running away. escape. arm and is busy cutting down TThey spend millions of Seconds later the hero gets to I was once lucky enough to the enemy. dollars in an attempt to make his feet and opens his shirt to re- speak to a pilot that actually Yet even though the MP5 First of all the M60 is a crew- the movie as realistic and true veal a bulletproof vest that now flew helicopters in the South Time travel holds only 30 bullets, he never served weapon that is operated to life as possible. has 30 7,62 mm bullets stuck African Border War. He told I once saw a movie that was has to reload once. with either two or three peo- Then they go and ruin it by into it. It’s not going to happen me that on more than one occa- set during World War Two. The You see it in so many movies. ple. It weighs 10.5 kg and has making stupid mistakes. Mis- in real life. sion his helicopter had been hit Germans were attacking an The cowboy that fires 25 shots a fierce recoil. It takes a large, takes that with just a bit of re- The type of protection that is numerous times by ground fire American position with tanks. from a six-shooter revolver. powerful individual to control search could be avoided. worn under clothing is a vest and never once did it cause his The problem was that the The cop who fires 30 bullets the weapon while firing in a Nearly every action or war made from a material called helicopter to crash. Germans were using Ameri- from a pistol that only holds 15 standing position. movie will involve firearms of Kevlar. It will stop a knife or can M60 Patton tanks. And this rounds. Even better was the mov- some kind. And this is where small pieces of shrapnel pene- The silent silencer wasn’t even the biggest fault. The MP5, for example, has ie where the hero was running they often get it wrong. trating, but will not stop most The hero is sneaking into the The M60 Patton tank was a rate of fire of 800 rounds per around with an M2 Browning Here are some classic blun- handguns from close range. enemies building. To succeed only developed in 1960 - 15 minute. This means that on full and firing it from the hip. ders that Hollywood gets wrong In order to stop a handgun he has to enter without making years after World War Two end- automatic fire the 30-round This weapon is known as a more often than not. trauma plates, usually made a sound. ed. magazine would be empty in heavy machine gun. It fires 12.7 from ceramic material, have to Suddenly he is confronted by just under three seconds. mm rounds and the gun weighs The exploding bullet theory be inserted into the front and an armed guard. The magic gun Most soldiers carry an assault 38 kg. Try firing it from the hip The villain in the movie is back of the vest. This makes Before the guard can shout Our hero is trapped. 150 rifle into battle. They also carry and you’re going to go flying. busy escaping in a car. No it bulky and it has to be worn our hero fires two shots from armed villains are coming for about 210 rounds of ammuni- It is normally mounted on a tri- problem. The hero takes out his over the clothing. It also makes his 9 mm pistol fitted with a him, all of them armed to the tion. pod. pistol, takes careful aim at the it heavy (about 15 kg). silencer. The pistol makes two teeth. Assault rifles have a rate of I love action movies, but I speeding car, and fires a shot Many soldiers wear full mil- soft phut sounds and the guard Our hero is armed only with fire of about 700 rounds per wish they would get it right into the petrol tank. The car ex- itary body armour, which has a falls down dead. a 9 mm HK MP5 sub-machine minute. So on full automat- every now and again. After all plodes in a ball of flame and the higher chance of stopping a ri- Sounds great except for one gun. Firing on full automatic he ic they would have used their it’s not that difficult to do a bit villain is burnt to a crisp. fle bullet. small problem - it doesn’t work begins to take down the enemy rounds up in about four sec- of research. A good ending to an exciting that way. with accurate bursts that deci- onds. movie. With one small problem One shot - kill anything Exploding gunpowder is loud. mate their number. - it will never happen. Armed only with a pistol, our Very loud in fact. An unsilenced If cars exploded because hero is being chased through the gunshot is around 140 to 160 021 555 0757 something ruptured the fuel desert by an army of villains. decibels - that’s in the range [email protected] tank car manufacturers would Using just his pistol, he’s al- where hearing it once can per- Block A, 71 Millennium Business Park be up to their ears in lawsuits. ready killed half of them. But manently damage your ears. 19 Edison Way, Century City In most accidents it would now they have a helicopter af- A silencer will reduce that to Cape Town mean that the cars would ex- ter him. around 120 or 130 decibels. 7441 plode. Not a good selling point. Down to his last bullet, our So what’s the point of using a hero takes aim, fires and by silencer in the first place? Well The bulletproof vest some miracle he hits the heli- in an outdoor or noisy environ- An independent financial planning practice, providing The hero in the movie is am- copter in just the right spot to ment a silencer makes it difficult concise and objective solutions to our clients bushed and the villain empties destroy the engine or the rotor. to tell where the shot is coming an entire magazine of bullets The helicopter crashes in a ball from or how far away it is.

30 31 Zone! feature document. with it. He just told them to re- to speak to seasoned journalist The first article I received write the articles and change Matt O’Brien as he had once contained a number of spelling a few words here and there. given a guest lecture to our mistakes and the English was I couldn’t believe what I had class. Pirates of the bad. As none of us in our group heard. I asked him if plagiarism was speak English as our first lan- One of the first things we ever a problem among journal- guage this was to be expected. learnt as journalism students ist. He laughed and told me that The other four articles were was how wrong it was to pla- it was a bigger problem that I classroom excellent. They were well writ- giarise. could imagine. ten, interesting, and the spelling How you couldn’t use some- “You get what are known as The buccaneers of the 21st century are not plundering and grammar was perfect. In one else’s work and claim it ‘cut-and- paste’ journalists,” he ships at sea. Rather they’re plagiarisers of other people’s fact they were a little too per- as your own. And these four told me. “They seem incapable work and ideas. Nombeko Gqamani tells us more. fect. hadn’t just ‘borrowed’ a word of any original thought and the I did some research on the or sentence here or there; they vast majority of their work is Internet and found all four of had copied the entire article actually stuff copied from other ohnny Depp has always year of a three year diplo- the articles. They were all taken word for word and then claimed articles. They’re to lazy to even been one of my favourite ma in journalism. I will from the same online magazine it as their own work. get off their bums and go and actors. And I thought he not mention the name J and merely copied and pasted I was determined not to let look for a story of their own.” was excellent as Captain Jack of the college where I word for word. the matter rest there and I went O’Brien told me that some- Sparrow in the Pirates of the am studying because When I confronted the four to see the principal of the col- times they don’t only take bits Caribbean series. if they read this they students they at first denied that lege and she also couldn’t see of an article and use it for their Yet while Pirates of the Car- will probably sue me they had copied the articles. any major problem. In fact I own, they just copy the entire ibbean may be a fun series of or at least expel me. Then when I showed them the was told to stop being a trouble article. movies, the Pirates of the Class- One of our class original articles they admitted maker. “On a number of occasions room are real. And there’s noth- projects was to what they had done. It seems that plagiarism and I’ve read an article in a print or ing funny about them. produce a 20 page I went straight to my lectur- piracy are so common among online magazine and thought, I looked up the meaning of magazine. er and told him what had hap- students that it is no longer seen ‘Damn, I wish I had written the word ‘pirate’ and the first We were divid- pened. as a problem. that’. The I realise that I did definition was exactly what I ed up into groups It’s not that I’m a sell-out During a recent study in the write it. Someone had copied thought it was. of six and had to or a tattle-tale. It’s just that as US, 40% of college students an entire article that I wrote and Noun: pirate come up with a it was a group project I would admitted to plagiarism off the then put their name to it.” Someone who robs at sea or name for our be marked along with them. I Internet but didn’t think it was The lockdown has given me plunders the land from the sea magazine, de- wasn’t prepared to fail because wrong. time to calm down about the in- without having a commission sign a cover, they had cheated. And it seems that it’s not just cident. But I am now seriously from any sovereign nation. and then write As it turned out my lecturer students that are guilty of pla- reconsidering completing my Yet it was the second defini- at least five ar- didn’t seem to have a problem giarism. I had the opportunity diploma. tion that really caught my atten- ticles for it. tion. My group elect- Someone who uses another ed me as the editor. person’s words or ideas as if I was responsible The Family Counselling Centre they were his own. for designing the I recently had my own run- front cover and then Building Healthy Relationships! in with pirates and it left a very doing the layout of bad taste in my mouth. They the magazine. To make an appointment, did not have swords or a par- The remaining rot on their shoulders, and none five members of the Call us on 021 023 0016 or of them wore and eye patch. In group would then fact they were people I have each write an ar- WhatsApp us on 072 375 6089 shared a classroom with for the ticle and give it past year and a half. to me in a Word You can also send an email to [email protected] I am currently in my second 32 33 Zone! music 101 ly recorded by Gloria Jones in 1964. It was reworked and re- corded by English synth-pop duo Soft Cell in 1981 and went One hit wonders on to become a huge hit for the group. Tainted Love reached number one on the UK Singles All of these artists have had hits. Yet for most of them their first hit was also Chart, and was the best-selling their last hit. Here are some of the so-called ‘One-Hit Wonders’. single of 1981 in the UK. Putting On The Ritz was writ- t seems that every year we Eileen back in 1982. Buster Poindexter was the al- ten by Irvin Berlin in 1927 and have at least one artist or Despite being listed inside ter ego of New York Dolls front- it was released in 1929. Various group that springs up from some “worst songs ever” list, man David Johansen. Hot Hot artists recorded the song and I Fred Astaire had a hit with it in nowhere and has a massive hit Who Let The Dogs Out was a Hot was a single off his 1987 song. We all listen to the song huge hit for Baha Men in 2000. album Buster Poindexter and it 1930. Dutch musician Taco re- constantly, everyone knows the We’re Not Gonna Take It was went on to become a big hit. corded and released a new ver- lyrics, and we all just have to released by American heavy 99 Luftballons (German for sion of Putting On The Ritz in own a copy of it. metal band Twisted Sister in “99 Balloons”) is a protest song 1983 and it became a Top Ten Yet six months later they have 1984. While the group had a by the German band Nena from hit in no fewer than nine coun- disappeared off the charts, hard- loyal following, this song was their 1983 self-titled album. A it reached No. 1 in the UK in Hot 100 and No. 5 on the Adult tries, including South Africa. ly anyone plays the song any- also a commercial hit. year later they released the song March 1985, taking 17 weeks Contemporary chart. In 1987 a group called The more and in a year’s time few The Vapors were a New Wave in English, titled 99 Red Bal- to get there. It was the first UK Beds Are Burning is a 1987 Firm recorded a song calledd people will remember them. and power pop band from Eng- lons. It was this version of the No. 1 hit by the Stock, Aitken, song by the Australian rock Star Trekkin’. They sent copies These are artists and groups land that existed between 1979 song that went on to become an Waterman production trio. band Midnight Oil, the first of the single to UK radio sta- that have become ‘one hit won- and 1981. They had their only international hit for the group. Play That Funky Music by track from their album Die- tions, with the studio’s phone ders’. Let’s look at a few of hit in 1980 with Turning Japa- Obsession is a 1983 song Wild Cherry hit number one sel and Dust. This song was number on them. One Liver- them over the years. nese. covered in 1984 by the group on the Billboard Hot 100 on 18 released as the second single pool radio station played the The Divinyls were an Aus- Animotion. The song hit num- September 1976 and was also from the album. It reached No. song and it quickly became a tralian group that had a big hit Click on any link to ber six in the United States, number one on the Hot Soul 1 in New Zealand, South Af- hit in the UK and then spread to with I Touch Myself in 1990. listen to the song. and number five in the United Singles chart. rica and Canada, No. 3 in the the USA. The song became popular Kingdom in early 1985, helped Recorded by Edie Brickell & Netherlands, No. 5 in France, Spanish pop duo Los del Rio once again when it was featured Pop Muzik was a 1979 hit by a distinctive video that New Bohemians for their 1988 No. 6 in the United Kingdom, formed in 1962. It was only 32 in the first Austin Powers mov- song by M, a project by Robin MTV played frequently. Obses- debut album, Shooting Rubber- Australia and Ireland, No. 17 years later, in 1994, that they ie in 1997. Scott. Although Scott’s career sion”also hit the Top 40 on the bands at the Stars, What I Am in the United States and Swe- would enjoy a world-wide hit Released in September 1988, lasted longer than four decades, US dance chart, twice: once in peaked at number seven on the den. It is one of The Rock and with their release of Macarena. Don’t Worry Be Happy by Bob- Pop Muzik is the song that will 1984; then in 1986. US Billboard Hot 100, topped Roll Hall of Fame’s 500 Songs Besides the original version by McFerrin became the first a always be remembered. (I Just) Died In Your Arms the Canadian RPM Top Singles that Shaped Rock and Roll and there was also the Bayside cappella song to reach number Suzi Quatro has been around is a song by the English pop chart, and became a top-twenty it was named number 95 on Boys Remix. People around the one on the Billboard Hot 100 since 1966 and she had numer- rock band Cutting Crew. The hit in Australia and New Zea- VH1’s 100 Greatest One Hit world were doing the Macarena chart. ous hits including the likes of song was the band’s biggest hit, land. What I Am was ranked Wonders of the 80s. Dance and it was probably the Anarcho-punk band Chum- Can The Can (1973), 48 Crash peaking at number one in the number 23 on VH1’s list of the The Safety Dance is a song greatest one-hit wonder ever. bawamba had a career that (1973), and The Race Is On United States, Canada and Fin- “100 Greatest One-Hit Won- by Canadian new wave/synth- These are but a few of the spanned more than three dec- (1978). Chris Norman was the land, and reaching the top five ders of the 80s”. pop band Men Without Hats, one-hit wonders over the years. ades. Yet their only big hit was lead singer of Smokie, a very in the UK, South Africa, Swe- Steal Away is a song by Amer- released in Canada in 1982. Hope you enjoyed them and the catchy Tubthumping. successful group with a number den and Switzerland. ican singer Robbie Dupree, While the song only reached maybe even heard a song or two Dexys Midnight Runners of hits including Living Next You Spin Me Round (Like from his 1980 debut album number 11 on the Canadian Top that you’ve never heard before. have been around since 1978 Door To Alice. In 1978 Quatro A Record) is a song by Brit- Robbie Dupree. Released as the 50, it was a massive hit in South And remember, you can hear and they’re still going. They’ve and Norman got together to re- ish band Dead or Alive on first single from the album, it Africa, reaching No. 1 on the all of these songs on Zone Ra- had reasonable success, but cord Stumblin’ In. It was a huge their 1985 album Youthquake. became his biggest hit, peaking Springbok charts. dio 88.5 FM. only one major hit - Come On hit and their only hit duet. Released as a single in 1984, at No. 6 on the U.S. Billboard Tainted Love was original- 34 35 Zone! Utterances of the Unicorn there is a candle lodged in its ly?” nuclear threat to a Boy Scout throat. “Yes” camp fire with everybody sit- I fight the driving desire to “I want to reward your gen- ting around singing Kumbayja! Call me for supper fling the phone across the room erosity by donating my prize “Think how that would have Alternatively titled “How to get a Unicorn foaming at the mouth” but think better of that knowing to your family. Now run along, screwed with Dan Brown’s ver- that the cat, which is half way phone them and ruin their sup- sion of events. Oh, I forgot, giv- back through the cat flap, will per. Hopefully they will be en your dip-shit mentality, you folks but no matter where you playing fetch, chases down the do a u-turn, head for the hills pissed off enough to have you probably have no idea who Dan find yourself or to which cultur- knife and trashes the delicate never to be seen again. Instead committed. They would be do- Brown is. This begs the ques- al dictates you subscribe, one arrangement on the coffee ta- ... ing you a favour. Anyone who tion, were you born an idiot or thing remains constant. When ble. “Do you know what time it is clever enough to know that did you practice?” you’re having supper you are The cat, after a panicked dart is?” 7:13pm is supper time but not Click! occupied ... otherwise engaged around the room scratching “Yes it’s 7:13 pm” sufficiently bright to know that “Hello ... Hello ...” ... off-line ... powered down and flattening sundry people or “Great. Your brain is suffi- this not the time to call about The toss-jockey put down. and at the very least you’ve got items in its path, heads straight ciently developed to tell the Magic Meal Vouchers, should Never did get any answers and a face full of food and grazing for the cat-flap and disappears time” be locked in a padded cell for I will never know whether he e live therefore we spanners in both hands and it is into the night. With a fork stuck “Mmmm Yes” their own protection. was committed or whether he is eat. Or, if you prefer, common knowledge, to most, in my kisser, food everywhere “Tell me Wackjob, are you still out there lurking. Wwe eat therefore we that any interruption is undesir- and amid disorder of Kraka- aware that, in our culture, most So next time the phone in live. able. toan proportions, I answer the people are having supper at this Thank God you your house rings at supper time, Either way eating is some- So why is it that some wart- phone thinking that this better time of the evening?” weren’t around at be wary ... be very wary. thing all of us must do. Just neck will choose this time to be good. Mmmmm Yes” the Last Supper! what we eat is a matter of choice phone and try and sell me some- The voice on the other end “So with grey matter at least Catch the Unicorn on the as is the decision as to whether thing? says ... “Good evening, my this developed, what is in there “You are a menace and given Drive Zone, Monday’s to Fri- breakfast, lunch or supper is the There I am with the perfect name is Wackjob Waddletwot. that makes you think that I your level of stupidity I’m will- day’s between 3.00 pm and main meal of the day. Supper’s bite delicately perched atop my I am calling you on behalf of would be interested in anything ing to bet that you drive slowly 6.00 pm. mine. fork. With steady hand headed Magic Meal Vouchers and I you have to offer at this time of in the right hand lane, forget to Derived from the French towards my mouth and mouth have good news for you. Your the evening while I’m trying to switch cell-phone off at funer- souper, the time of day that slowly moving towards my name has been selected from have my supper?” als and insist on touching the supper is taken varies around hand – (okay, I concede that this two hundred gazillion names “Your name was drawn and paint to see if it is really wet! the world. In the United States co-ordinated movement tech- and you have won a free meal you are a winner” Thank God you weren’t around and Canada, supper is served nique is weird but that’s what I voucher to the value of R300.00. “Well thank you Wackjob. at The Last Supper! between 6pm and 8pm. do ... deal with it!) “To claim your prize all you Tell me, do you have a family” “We all live under the threat In New Zealand supper could I’m just about to pop the tasty have to do is invest R724.00 in “Yes” of nuclear destruction but the be cake and tea/coffee served morsel into my mouth when a book of vouchers and we will “Well here’s what I want you fire and brimstone you would later in the evening, particular- without warning ... RING RING add your prize to this giving do. Are you listening careful- have triggered reduces any ly when people have visitors. In RING! Right there I shit myself a total value of R1,024.00. To Australia, supper may refer to a setting off an involuntary chain take advantage of this once-off late light snack after dinner. In reaction. offer, all we need are your cred- Germany “abendessen” is eaten The food ends up in my lap. it card details. Are you interest- 81a Main Road, Fish Hoek, Western Cape 7975 between 5.30pm and 8.30pm I stab myself in the face with ed and can we sign you up?” [email protected] while in Poland “kolacja” is the fork and fling the knife the At this point the fork induced 0861 111 950 taken from 6pm to 9pm. across the room where it ends pain in my face gives way to a In Singapore supper is some- up lodged in the ornamental throbbing in my ear. From the time between 9pm to 12 mid- candle aunt Aggie left me in her toes up, I feel my blood begin night and in Portugal, Spain, will. All this happens as I dive to boil. I’m overcome with the Latin America, Asia and the for the phone and the chaos is urge to reach down the line and We offer a series of business and life skills training programmes, practical workshops, Arab World, it may be taken complete as I startle the animals rip out dear Waddletwot’s ton- and in-depth business information sessions to public and private companies just before retiring to bed. who are usually settled by this sils and feed them to the dog ... Different strokes for different time of day. The dog thinks I’m but that’ not going to happen ... 36 37 Zone! health Rinse If nothing else, at least rinse your mouth with plain water. Please don’t breathe out Swishing the water around in Nothing can ruin an intimate moment more than bad breath. Fiona Taylor gives some ad- your mouth may help to remove vice on how to get your breath smelling sweet. some of the food particles left in the mouth after a meal. ot that long ago I was it was time to make my move. was, there was no way I was go- attending a function As soon as he had finished his ing to let that mouth anywhere Munch on parsley Nwhen my eyes fell upon conversation, I sidled up next to near me. That green sprig of parsley a hunk of a man. him and introduced myself. The very thought of him kiss- that came with your meal can To say that he was good look- He didn’t vomit or haul out a ing me was enough to send me do more than just decorate your ing would be like saying that gun and try to shoot me, scream- into convulsions. plate. World War II was “a slight argu- ing “back you vile creature.” I Nothing can ruin an intimate While munching on parsley ment where a few people were always take this as a good sign. moment like bad breath. Here’s or spearmint won’t cure bad hurt.” This guy was stunning. Pretty soon we were deep in a few tips on how to keep your breath, the scent of the herb it- cheese if you want something know you will be up close to He was your classic ‘tall, dark conversation. Then he lent to- breath as fresh as possible. self can temporarily cover up to snack on. people. and handsome” type of a man. wards me, perhaps to whisper offending oral odour. When you meet the guy or The type that I am an absolute something meaningful. I almost Keep your mouth clean A healthy diet will help your girl of your dreams just remem- sucker for. fell to the floor gasping. That means brushing your Eat to smell sweet teeth as well. There you have it. ber, you want to knock them I moved in clos- His breath would teeth twice a day. It also means Foods that help fight plaque Follow these tips and they over with your charm and good er and, like any have sent a skunk flossing regularly. may also help fight mouth should help with bad breath. looks, not your breath. good journalist, running and beg- Food and bacteria trapped be- odour. Opt for celery, carrots, Check your breath on a regu- began to eaves- ging for mercy. It tween your teeth and at the gum peanuts, or a bit of low-fat lar basis, especially when you drop on his could have killed line can only be removed with conversation. an elephant. floss. If it’s left to linger, it’s go- Mr. Hunk The last time ing to rot and smell bad. Long Beach had a lovely I smelt some- Cnr of Cape Road & Buller-Louw Drive, voice, spoke thing that bad, Clean your tongue, too Noordhoek with intel- it had been Bacteria left on your tongue ligence and dead for two can certainly contribute to less- confidence. weeks. than-fresh breath, so be sure to And he was No mat- brush your tongue after you’ve well dressed. ter how good polished your ivories. You I decided that looking he don’t want so much fur on your tongue that you can brush it or style it. Wet your whistle A dry mouth can equal smelly breath. Saliva helps clean your mouth. It also has natural anti- bacterial qualities and it washes away food particles. It’s the re- duced saliva flow at night that explains morning breath. Try chewing sugarless gum or sucking on sugarless mints to stimulate saliva production. Sponsors of The Drive Show

38 39 Zone! sport Michael Herd on George Best Donate blood, play rugby Pitches are like wives; you Bumper sticker Moses Kiptanui – the 19-year- can never tell how they’re go- The art of chirping old Kenyan who turned 20 a ing to turn out. Sometimes it is not the game that makes sport fun to watch, it is the comments made both Someone with about as much few weeks ago. Sir Len Hutton referring to charisma as a damp spark plug. on and off the field that become classics. ByStix Mkhize. David Coleman cricket pitches Alan Hubbard on Nigel Mansell I’ve never had major knee A brain scan revealed the An- ne of the fringe bene- Martina was so far in the clos- John McEnroe to umpire Ed- surgery on any other part of my drew Caddick is not suffering fits of sport is the com- et she was in danger of being a ward James I thought he was one of the body. from stress fracture of the shin. Oments that you hear garment bag. human race, but he is not. Winston Bennett Jo Sheldon both on and off the sporting Rita Mae-Brown on ex-lover McEnroe was as charming Alain Prost on Ayrton Senna field. Martina Navratilova as always, which means that Sure there have been injuries My parents have been there Here, for your enjoyment, are he was as charming as a dead He is so brave, but such a and deaths in boxing – but none for me, ever since I was about some of the most memorable I may have exaggerated a bit mouse in a loaf of bread. moaner. He should have ‘He of them serious. seven. comments, chirps and insults. when I said that 80% of the top Clive James on John McEn- Who Dares Whines’ embroi- Alan Minter David Beckham women tennis players are fat roe dered on his overalls. Serious sport has nothing to pigs. It’s only 75%. Simon Barnes on Nigel I was in a no-win situation, so I’d like to play for an Italian do with fair play. It is bound up Richard Krajicek You can’t see as well as these Mansell I’m glad that I won rather than club, like Barcelona. with hatred, jealousy, boastful- f@#$ flowers – and they’re lost. Mark Drapper, soccer player ness, disregard of all rules and He’s never going to be a great f@#$% plastic. Joggers are basically neu- Frank Bruno sadistic pleasure in witnessing player on grass. The only time John McEnroe to a line judge rotic, bony, smug types who I can see the carrot at the end violence: in other words it is he comes to the net is to shake could bore the paint off a DC- When you’re as great as I am, of the tunnel. war minus the shooting. your hand. If I ever needed a brain trans- 10. It is a scientifically proven it’s hard to be humble. Stuart Pearce, soccer player George Orwell Goran Ivaniservic on Ivan plant, I’d choose a sports writ- fact that having to sit through a Muhammad Ali Lendl er because I’d want a brain that three-minute conversation be- So how’s your wife and my Golf is a good walk spoiled. had never been used. tween two joggers will cause I’ve got ten pairs of training kids? Mark Twain What other problems do Norm Van Brocklin your IQ to drop 13 points. shoes. One for every day of the Australian wicketkeeper Rod you have besides being unem- Rick Reilly, Sports Illustrated week. Marsh to Ian Botham I regard golf as an expensive ployed, a moron and a dork? Joe Frazier is so ugly he Samantha Fox, British model way of playing marbles. John McEnroe to a tennis should donate his face to the I spent nearly all my money and pop singer Wife’s fine. Kid’s are retard- G.K. Chesterton spectator US Bureau of Wildlife. on booze, fast cars and loose ed. Muhammad Ali women - the rest of it I wasted. Muhammad Ali isn’t a punch- English batsman Ian Botham The only time he opens his I’m not having points tak- George Best er. He just hit me so many times in reply to Rod Marsh. mouth is to change feet. en off me by an incompetent Be kind to animals, hug a I didn’t know where I was. David Feherty on Nick Faldo old fool. You’re the pits of the rugby player. The drunk we could all have Brian London, British heavy- world. Bumper sticker become. weight boxer

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40 41 Zone! Entertainment Bulla Louw Drive, Sunnydale, Did you know? Noordhoek, Cape Town Zone brings you facts, figures and trivia that you may, or may not know. Phone: 021 785 7269

ust so that you can amaze #2 hits (five different songs) 1988. your friends with your that never made it to #1. • American singer-songwriter Jknowledge of music, here is • House of the Rising Sun by Dave Matthews was born in more music trivia than you can The Animals took all of 15 Johannesburg, South Africa shake a stick at. minutes to record (they were and moved frequently be- on a tight budget), and went tween South Africa, the UK • The first punk single is con- all the way to #1 in 1964. and the USA before settling sidered to be Hey Joe by Pat- • Toto’s hit Rosanna was writ- in Charlottesville, Virginia ti Smith. It was released in ten for actress Rosanna Ar- to form the Dave Matthews 1974. quette. Band in 1991. Steeped in an established tradition of the finest • The compact disc was intro- • The most-aired video in the • All female rock group Clout‘s finishes and colour coatings since 1989, Midas duced in 1983, but only start- history of MTV is Peter Ga- single Substitute reached Earthcote has now produced a retail destination brand ed to outsell vinyl records by briel’s Sledgehammer. number 1 in South Africa, with the same unchanging, proven principles. 1988. • The song Happy Birthday To Australia, New Zealand, Ger- • The Sugarhill Gang is cred- You is not a public-domain many, France, the Nether- ited with scoring the first-ev- composition. The publishing lands, Sweden, Austria, Den- er commercial rap hit, with rights are owned by a subsid- mark and Belgium in 1978. their song Rapper’s Delight iary of Warner Communica- The song also reached num- in 1979. tions, and a performance fee ber 2 in the UK and number • The first album to ever be re- must be paid every time it is 67 on the Billboard 100 chart leased in CD format was Bil- used for commercial purpos- in the USA. ly Joel’s 52nd Street, in 1982. es. • Legendary South African It was initially only released • George Harrison’s My Sweet Musician Ray Phiri played Click on the link to the left to visit our website. in Japan. The first CD pressed Lord and Bohemian Rhapso- the guitar on Paul Simon’s hit and released in The U.S. was dy by Queen are the only two song “You Can Call Me Al” Born In The U.S.A. by Bruce songs to ever chart at Num- (which was released on the Springsteen in 1983. ber 1 in The UK twice. My Graceland album in 1986). • Pete Townshend has smashed Sweet Lord peaked in 1971 Simon ignored a cultural boy- at least 87 guitars since his ear- and again in 2002. Bohemian cott and collaborated with ly days with The Who. Most Rhapsody reached #1 in 1975 him and other South African were not cheap guitars either: and again in 1991. artists like Lady Smith Black at least 23 Fender Stratocast- • Splashy Fen (which is held Mambaso on the album. The ers, 12 Gibson Les Pauls, and in the Underberg in KwaZu- album went on to win the 21 Gibson SGs have been de- lu-Natal every year) is the Grammy Award for Album of stroyed at his shows. oldest music festival in South the Year in 1987. • Singer/songwriter Jim Croce Africa. It was established in • Four Jacks and a Jill released died in a plane crash the 1990. Master Jack in 1968. The day before his album I Got • South African Male cho- song reached 18 on the Bill- A Name was released. It ral group, Ladysmith Black board Hot 100 in the USA spawned three posthumous Mambazo have won five and number 1 South Africa, hit singles. Grammy Awards. They won Canada, Australia, New Zea- • Creedence Clearwater Reviv- their first Grammy for Best land, Malaysia, and Rhodesia al holds the record for most Traditional Folk Recording in (now known as Zimbabwe).

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