Jesus Ents Shut Down After Noise Complaints Er the Council Were Overly Stringent in Helen Mackreath Their Enforcement

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday June 17th 2009 e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Issue no 698 | varsity.co.uk

»p12 Features »p5 Ball Reviews »p7 Fashion John Micklethwait: Last night’s Balls Vestal virgins press and politics reviewed inside!

ZING TSJENG Jesus ents shut down after noise complaints er the Council were overly stringent in Helen Mackreath their enforcement. Varsity attempted e Jesus May Ball ended in disap- to obtain comments from Katrina pointment on Tuesday morning a er Hewitt and Ben Hosford, Presidents of complaints from local residents forced the Jesus May Ball Committee, but was the Committee to shut down the music unable to do so. an hour and 20 minutes before the ad- Varsity spoke to residents living in vertised end. close proximity to Jesus and found that e move is unprecedented in May many were unconcerned by events: “it’s Week history. e Survivors’ Photo was nothing to do with me,” said one resi- brought forward to 5.45am in a depar- dent, while another admitted that this ture from its traditional time of 6am. year’s Ball had been “surprisingly loud” With ticket prices at £105 for a ba- but that it didn’t bother him. One of sic ticket and £135 for a dining ticket, the complaints about the noise levels the abrupt end to the Wizard of Oz may have come from a Jesus graduate themed evening le many students student occupying graduate student feeling short-changed. Carly Hilts, a accommodation. graduate student at John’s said, “loads Some students complained of gen- of students ended up just leaving early eral confusion amongst the partygo- and were very cross about paying so ers. “No-one knew what was going much money and having the evening on.” said one student, who did not e ectively cut short. We had nothing wish to be named. “ ere was no in- to do except eat and wander about in formation provided about the reasons the cold.” for the closure”. e ceilidh, advertised for 5am, was e Council’s Environmental Health cancelled, as was other acts such as the Manager, Selwyn Anderson, said that Bohemian Ukelele Band and the Shut “We do try and work with Colleges and Up And Dance DJ set, scheduled from Ball Committees in advance of events 4-6am. to try and ensure they do not give rise Environmental Health O cers, from to noise problems for the community. the Cambridge City Council, were We try to be proactive.” alerted to noise emanating from Jesus e Environmental Health Service College by “a number of calls” made to of Cambridge City Council releases an the Council’s out of hours noise service. Organisation Handbook to ensure that Following these calls “more than one May Balls comply with Council regula- visit” was made to the College by the tions, which includes speci c informa- Environmental Health O cers. Varsity tion and advice on noise levels. ey understands that, based on their nd- highlight that May Ball Committee ings, the O cers made an agreement members should be “patrolling the pe- with the Committee that led to the clo- rimeter of the college and listening for sure of the ents. noise, visiting the houses nearest the It is not yet clear whether the Jesus college to assess whether noise is likely May Ball Committee was at fault for to be disturbing and, in particular, us- outing Council regulations, or wheth- ing a sound level meter.” St John’s May Ball » p5 Anglia Ruskin dropout rate is second highest in UK Emmie Hodges hs of students who began their degrees cation. e remaining students drop gree’ students to ‘diploma’ students. She tion that our reclassi ed students have at ARU in 2006-7 did not complete their out of higher education altogether - an also cited the relatively large number of dropped out - which is not the case,” the Anglia Ruskin University (ARU) has the studies. Only the London Metropolitan increase of 14 percent from comparable students who switch degree course mid- spokeswoman said. second highest student dropout rate in University has a higher non-completion gures for last year. way through their studies. e study also showed that the Univer- the UK, according to a recent study. rate for undergraduates. Speaking to the Cambridge News, a “ is reclassi cation has distorted the sity of Cambridge has one of the lowest e study, conducted by the Higher Of the 43.9 percent of ARU students spokeswoman for ARU explained that non-completion rates as they have only non-completion rates in the country at Education Statistics Agency (HESA), who do not nish their degrees, around the change in gures was in part a result included degree students, as opposed to 3.1 percent, with just over 1 percent of which looked at all 157 higher education half will transfer to other institutions or of the “reclassi fcation” of many students degree and diploma students. It therefore students choosing to leave higher educa- institutes in the UK, found that over two- stay on to complete an alternative quali- following NHS-funded courses from ‘de- seems that the gures make the assumption entirely. Wednesday June 17th 2009 2 Yesterday in pictures varsity.co.uk

Got a good picture? Email it to [email protected] News Michael DerriNger Michael DerriNger »p1-4 Cheating » p3 In an exclusive investigation, we talk to the ones that got away with it. Cambridge Spies » p4 The latest sizzling hot gossip from last night’s revelries. Ball Reviews Peter Nickalls »p5 John’s, Downing & Queens’ All of last night’s Balls are reviewed on these pages. We still haven’t had any sleep. Comment »p6 The end of the party Ed Cumning says goodbye to Cambridge.

Peter Nickalls Fashion »p7-10 Vestal Virgins See the darling buds of May Week. Features »p12-13 John Micklethwait » p12 We talk to John Micklethwait, the editor of The Economist.

geoff robiNsoN geoff robiNsoN Theatre »p14 Yesterday’s drama As ever, May Week is a time to see some wonderful outdoor productions. Sport »p16 Sport Quiz Got a news story? Text ‘Varsity’ + your thoughts to 07797 800 300* We round up the sporting year the only way *Standard network charges apply we know how, with a quiz. Let us see if you have been paying attention to the Varsity Editors Joel Massey, Emma Mustich & Avantika Chilkoti [email protected] News Team Beth Staton, Gemma Oke, Helen Mackreath, & Anna Harper [email protected] Sport pages. Sub-editor Colm Flanagan Sport Editor Jamie Ptaszynski Comment Editor Dan Hitchens Theatre Editor Katy King Reviews Editor Tom Morris Fashion Team Zing Tsjeng, Ben Margereson, Sienna Manon Maybe & Joanna Della-Ragione Photographers Tim Johns, Sean Jones, Tom Moriarty, Lizzie Robinson, Charlotte Runcie, Dhaneesha Senaratne & Zing Tsjeng [email protected] Illustrators Corrections Claudia Stocker, Anna Trench & Sarah Woolley In Issue 697, we referred to a ceilidh at Jesus May Ball, Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr which was cancelled after we went to press. Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Miss Lizzie Mitchell, Mr Elliot Ross (VarSoc President), Mr Thomas Bird, Mr George Grist, Mr Patrick Kingsley, Miss Natasha Lennard, Miss Anna Trench, Mr Hugo Gye, Mr Michael Stothard & Miss Clementine Dowley Also, in the same issue we called the Cambridgeshire

NEWSPAPERS Varsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci County Council Elections the ‘Cambridge City SUPPORT RECYCLING and The Mays. ©2009 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, Recycled paper made Council Elections,’ and failed to mention that George up 87.2% of the raw mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. material for UK newspapers in 2008 Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office. ISSN 1758-4442 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT Owers was also a student candidate. RECYCLING Wednesday June 17th 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 3 news feature Beth, Trinity Hall In Brief Cheating the system I don’t really see the big deal about cheating - not for English, anyway. It’s not like you’re writing Famous Cambridge vista at risk down one specific fact for one specific answer; The view along the Backs of the Jamie Pollock aminations comes across only a ‘hand- it’s more for reassurance. During the Part I Tri- ful’ of cheating incidents each year to pos exam I wrote down nifty quotes on a small River Cam is undoubtedly one of Regulations to prevent cheating in Tripos be passed on to the Senior Proctor, the piece of paper and stowed it down my bra. I wrote the city’s most famous views, fea- examinations have become progressively number of cheaters who go uncaught dates I wanted to know on my thigh, and made turing on many a postcard and more strict over the past several years. is unclear. How the few foiled cheaters sure I wore a skirt, and there is always all sorts countless tourists’ photographs. Recently, for example, a fine of £50 was are dealt with and whether deterrents of blurred bits and bob scrawled across my hand. However, over 100 horse-chestnut introduced for possession of a phone in are proving sufficient is also uncertain. No one ever commented because it is not like trees, making up ten percent of an examination hall. Though it is outlined in the University’s these hints are necessarily helpful, or definitely the area’s tree population, lining First year land economists were left guidelines for candidates and for “the going to come up. the banks are now at risk from questioning the intentions of their fellow prevention of misconduct in examina- disease – both bleeding canker examinees after an exam, sat earlier this tions” that “no candidate shall take into and leaf miners. term, was interrupted by an invigilator an examination room or have in his or Roger, Peterhouse The damage to the trees’ leaves querying the find of a set of revision notes her possession any book or paper rel- will ruin their appearance in a in the toilets. evant to the examination”, it seems that Exam term is clearly very intense and the expec- matter of weeks. Though the One student recalls how “the invigila- certain students have pursued this tactic tation is that you’ll achieve a repsectable grade. I’d Backs are actually under the own- tor came into the exam room and asked in the hope of surpassing the invigilators. worked pretty hard for most of the papers I was ership of Cambridge City Council, if anybody had an innocent explanation As evidenced by three anonymous taking and felt that if I went into one of my exams officials from the University have to come and tell him after the exam”. The interviews obtained by Varsity, a propor- as unprepared as I felt then my grade wouldn’t fully undertaken an 18 month “master invigilator then proceeded to query the tion of Cambridge students still find the reflect my ability. Though I wouldn’t try to defend plan” to combat the problem, log- presence of a student whose name is be- concept of cheating both attractive and cheating, the circumstances led me to believe that ging the infected specimens and lieved to have been found on the notes. feasible. One English student tells of how it was a reasonable thing to do. I tried to predict replanting them. Despite this questioning, no students she wrote ‘nifty quotes’ hidden in her bra which questions were likely to come up and write were seen to come forward in the exam in order to reassure herself of her capacity a few names and dates in between my fingers. To 11 year old writes opera hall- it is believed that the name found on to impress in the exam. Other techniques, be honest, they weren’t a great help and I doubt it the notes was that of a supervisor whose particularly the writing of inconspicu- would have altered my mark. Ginny Leigh, an exceptional 11 advice and guidance, it is hypothesised, ous prompts on hidden body parts, are year old from Meldreth, has writ- may have been written down and hidden deployed by students seeking an unfair ten an opera to be performed in by someone seeking to capitalise on toilet advantage. Charlotte, Magdalene Cambridge later this month. Gin- breaks in order to cheat. These interviews demonstrate how ny began writing the music for In spite of the public nature of the event, students trying to cheat may not do so I knew of people at my old school who had ‘The Tale of Peter Rabbit’ at the those innocents who sat the exam know purely on the basis of achieving a grade written quotes on cigarette papers or on their age of five but left it unfinished no more about the incident. Comment- deemed sufficient for merely passing arms. I’d also heard of people writing notes as trumpet practice dominated ing on the episode, one land economist exams, but rather, that illegitimate tech- and leaving them in the toilets. These were her packed diary. However, re- proclaimed that “The University could niques are pursued in order to compete all things that I had considered but came to discovering the music on holiday have done more to make it clear how the for higher grades. According to an Ar- seem ridiculous. By the time I’d started writ- last year, Ginny immediately set incident has been dealt with and though chaeology and Anthropology student, ing stuff on my arm, it started to feel like I had herself to completing the opera it could have been an innocent mistake, ‘the expectation…that you’ll achieve a learned it. If you’re at Cambridge, you prob- which lasts 25 minutes and is to be without knowing what happened, we’re respectable grade’ is a motivating factor ably shouldn’t need to cheat. performed by a cast of 26 seven to the ones who feel cheated.” in swaying students to cheat. thirteen year-olds in Cambridge. Though the University’s Board of Ex- The 11-year-old’s talents are countless, from playing 4 instru- ments to writing fiction and sing- Punt “wars” on the Cam ing. maSOnS neWS SeRviCe Death on the River Beth Staton nine the year before. Of the events last eras authorised under the Regulation year seven resulted in criminal charg- of Investigatory Powers Act. The aggressive swan nicknamed Information released by Cambridge es, ranging from harassment to com- Around 60 touts will be working the ‘Mr Asbo’ by students has struck police has revealed a culture of “war” in mon assault, theft and GBH. river this summer, netting customers again after the death of its baby. the Cambridge punting business. Cambridge City Council has ap- for self-hire at £80 a day, or chauf- The cygnet is thought to have Last year police responded to 21 pointed a ‘Punting Enforcement Of- feured trips at £12 per person for one been killed by rowers, and a post- clashes between touts as they compet- ficer’ to deal with the unrest. Alistair hour. mortem is currently being con- ed to attract customers. One female Roberts, the Council’s safer commu- Scudamore’s manager Rob Ingersent ducted. The death of the baby is tourist, caught in a fight between touts, nities manager, said there had been a said the beginning of the season had believed to have generated a fresh fell and broke her hip, punts were cast reduction of complaints this year, but been calm, but that he was expecting burst of violence on the river from off from their moorings, and one was that the council had taken a strong an influx of touts, and expressed dis- the adult swan, who has snapped sunk. Verbal confrontations between line. “Punting is third on the list of comfort with the rivalry. at boats and even caused some to touts and ice-cream sellers were com- attractions to Britain and we want “I feel ashamed to be associated with capsize. The threatening behav- monplace, and in one confrontation a to keep the image of Cambridge as a it sometimes,” he said. “It all depends iour of the bird lead to the ap- man taunted touts with a knife, and pleasant place to visit” he said. on how many touts there are. Usually pointment of a swan marshal, who one threw a mug of tea over a rival. The City Council has been criticised, there are five or six, but the worry is used a loudspeaker to warn row- Figures released in the Freedom of however, for exploiting anti-terrorism that we will see a free-for-all with as ers to watch out for the swan dur- Information Act showed that inci- laws to monitor the punting trade, in- many as 60 touts on the streets, which ing Bumps. dence rate in 2008 had increased from cluding the use of hidden CCTV cam- is just going to be horrible”. RSPCA inspector Chris Nice is- sued a firm warning to the rowers responsible for the cygnet’s death. “The swans are the residents and the rowers the visitors, and it is University Library to digitize incunabula collection they that have to accommodate the swans”, he said. CamBRidGe univeRSiTy liBRaRy Natasha Pesaran United Kingdom. The collection also includes a copy of the first printed edition The University Library’s collection of of Homer’s collected works. early printed books will be published Until now, only a small selection of online thanks to the receipt of a £300,000 the University’s pre-1500 books works grant from the Andrew W. Mellon Foun- have been available online. The collec- 52 Trumpington Street dation. tion of incunabula was last catalogued Cambridge CB2 1RG The collection consists of 4,650 vol- in 1954 in a printed volume, which has umes printed before 1500. Books from subsequently become rare in itself. FREE CHELSEA BUN the second half of the fifteenth century William Hale, a librarian at the Uni- With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop are often referred to as ‘incunabula’ versity Library, said, “The new catalogue OR (which means ‘swaddling clothes’), be- will enable the collection to be explored FREE MORNING cause they are the very earliest Western in ways not envisaged fifty years ago but printed texts. which modern scholars now expect, for COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) Among the books in the University’s example by providing more details of With any cake or pastry in the restaurant collection is a copy of the Gutenberg Bi- the subject, provenance, illumination ble, the first book to be printed in Europe and binding of the books. on presentation of this voucher from moveable metal type (c. 1455). The “Putting the books on Newton is a and proof of student status Bible is one of only eight copies in the move towards democratisation.” News Team: Beth Staton, Helen Mackreath, Gemma Oke & Anna Harper Wednesday June 17th 2009 4 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk

TiM JOHNS Cambridge Welfare trumps tradition

Spies Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens A University spokesperson claimed that the exact means of informing stu- Changes to how students receive their dents of their marks had not yet been de- Tripos grades at Cambridge indicate cided. The options are emailing students that exam results posted at Senate or making the grades available on the House, a 300-year-old tradition, may University student information system become a ritual of the past. CamSIS. Traditionally, students’ exam scores Students at Oxford receiving results have been posted publicly on boards this year will get results for both indi- outside Senate House. The results for vidual papers and an overall degree clas- the Mathematics Tripos, the oldest at the sification solely through the Oxford Stu- University, are read out from a balcony in dent System (OSS), a web-based student Senate House in order of result. record system that is password protected. From June next year however, students Oxford undergraduates have historically will be informed of their marks 48 hours been able to opt out of public results list- before they are published at Senate House ings without explanation. and will then have the option to not ap- Last year Cambridge students had pear on the class lists. Complaints from the option of looking online or go to the undergraduates about how they receive Examination Schools where lists were their grades have increased over the last published, from which students had the Fitzwilliam few years, Varsity has learned. choice of opting out. The previous system was criticised by Fletcher told Varsity, “In comparison Family Values students who felt that the public system to most universities, we are incredibly be- of result publication would cause distress, hind the times in delivering results. Inviting an innocent younger especially among students who had done “The announcement by the University brother to Cambridge is always worse than expected, and those who was welcome in many respects, it will at quite a fun thing to do, especial- found out their results second hand. Un- least guarantee that students can find out ly when he can see how much of der existing regulations, students must their own result first, but I still feel that the a mess you really are. It is good, apply to have their names removed from University needs to take a long, hard look for example, to demonstrate your the class list, and must prove that there is at the withdrawal of names and how to stud-like ability for bagging mem- a “compelling reason” such as mental ill- make this easier for students,” he added. bers of the opposite sex to the ness that justify their application. CUSU Education Officer, Ant Bag- extent of forcing your brother to A survey carried out by CUSU earlier shaw said “e-mailing doesn’t completely sleep in the bathtub “cos I’m going in the year revealed that most students solve the problem but it would stop other to get some tonight”. Make sure, want to receive exam results privately. people finding out your results first and however, that you actually do live CUSU President Mark Fletcher said: “We allow those who do badly to have some up to your self-styled poon-fiend get a lot of complaints every year about time to adjust.” credentials, otherwise it’s just em- the stress of finding your result out in Second year SPS student Soosan Lolavar barrassing. such a public manner, and specifically the welcomed the changes, “It really stresses fact that other students can find out your me out because I don’t know whether to result before you.” start at the top or the bottom.” Fitzwilliam Summer in the City

The return of alumni for traditional Suicide Awareness Weekend cele- brations descended into farce as one Games & puzzles venerable member invited a friend along from the corporate world for “the Cambridge experience”. The City boy quickly got more than he had bargained for when, having lost no. 506 a tense game involving guessing the Varsity Crossword number of coins in people’s hands, he found himself having to do the 1 2 3 4 5 6 Across Down wet and grisly initiation ceremony. Proudly donning club colours, he 7 Conclude parody not begun (3, 1 See 15 Across then stumbled around the sun- 7 8 2) 2 Clemency is thin, topless and in a burnt garden party crowds, hurling 8 Suction device, at particles, tabloid’s employment, initially (8) invective at various females. When 9 trips away (9) 3 The German comes after Spanish his original host, however, after a 10 Drains drink after function (4, for ‘festivals’ (7) day of failed lechery, told him it was 10 11 2) 4 Spanish food much like revenge? time to be back for work on Mon- 11 Monkey around small French (8) day, he shook his head and headed question of taste (8) 5 Views concerning permits hous- Cindieswards, mumbling “You can 12 Manic bee ruined the atmos- ing Taliban leader (6) go. These guys are my friends now”, 12 13 phere (8) 6 Annuity twice reduced and re- leaving his previous companion to 13 Intimate covers tea (4) newed as a whole (5)

make the long trip back to London 14 15/24/1/17 Cliff’s hit by loyal 9 Love instrument not kept a secret all by himself. surgeon general whom I’d aim (4) to rank differently (4, 3, 5, 2, 14 Rubbish outside competitive 15 16 17 18 1, 6, 7) sports? (4, 5) Homerton/Johns 20 Gymnast unimpressed with 16 City resident the solitary type 19 contents of surprise (4) around Corleone, say (8) A Comfortable Lodge 22 E-coli cultivated by parallel 18 Bold declaration Olive curiously 20 21 22 23 community finally makes deli- expressed by letter (1, 4, 3) A slumbering partygoer underwent cious seasonal treat (3, 5) 19 Loud complaint leads to ban on an unexpected teleportation after 24 25 Inert condition comes to a trendy nightspot (4, 3) an overly relentless bout of outdoor criminal (8) 21 Shirt on composer to go far (6) revelry. Stirring herself after some 25 26 26 Children’s plaything, notice, 23 Some escape a synagogue, like a well-deserved shut-eye in one of the has sharp blade (6) Sunday morning? (4) University’s more ostentatious gar- 27 Usually in a high-ranking posi- 24 See 15 Across dens, she was perplexed to find her tion (2, 7) surroundings upgraded to the dwell- 28 What bees make to improve Set by Hisashi ing place of the presiding official of 27 28 the unknown (5) the college in question. Our heroine didn’t linger to explore further, but fled toward surroundings less en- twined in the heart of the estab- Answers to last issue’s crossword (no. 505) lishment. Across: 7 Noise, 8 Ice cream, 10 Mallard, 11 Diploma, 12 Robotic, 13 Gleeful, 14 Breathalyse, 19 Xenopus, 21 Urethra, 23 May week, 25 Toronto, 26 Falsetto, 27 Crepe. Down: 1 Sillabub, 2 Pedant, 3 Vindicates, 4 Feed, 5 Frippery, 6 Day off, 7 No more, 9 Balls, 13 Graduation, 15 Espresso, 16 Enhanced, 17 Exams, 18 Galore, 20 Nay-say, 22 Enrich, 24 Kite. Wednesday June 17th 2009 May Week Editors: Joel Massey, Emma Mustich & Avantika Chilkoti varsity.co.uk [email protected] Johns 5 St John’s May Ball Balls in Brief ZING TSJENG

Downing: Peter Pan’s Neverland Bathing the College in a suitably timber-shivering green, Downing made the most of their neo-Classical architecture for the 2009 Ball. The College’s quadrangles were suitably transformed in the Cambridge style for a truly magical treasure chest of festivities living up to the Ball’s ‘Nev- erland’ theme. The Ball was split into four areas. Most guests headed first to the dining section, where there was a surprising amount of enthusiasm for falafel and bangers and mash. Funfair attractions were to be found in another section of the Ball, the ‘Pirate Cove’, where the name ‘Pirate Ship’ was loosely applied to a vomit-inducing 360-degree upside- down ride. Guests were also pleased by the requisite dodgems. There was a palpable sense of excitement for the DJ set by Pendulum, who aimed to whip the crowd away to Never-Neverland with their puls- ing beats. In the ‘Lost Boys’ Den’, t John’s was my first May Ball. In But after the fireworks I laughed at might not appeal to those with tastes Utah Saints and Far Poppadaddys the long stuffy hours spent staring my previous petty-mindedness. What ranging beyond the mainstream - also pleased attendees. atS my books, and even throughout the fireworks! As I sank down on the grass guests could bide their time with the ol’ Elsewhere in the ball, various en- long Cambridge application process, I in my heels I felt like a child again. The favourites: fairground rides and ubiqui- tertainments, including foot massag- 20 had daydreamt about what Balls might ‘choreography’ of fireworks and music tous booze, in addition to performances es featuring Lush products, lent an number of bars be like: Jeeves-like figures twirling was beat-perfect, the music slowing and by lesser-known artists in the College’s air of luxury to the night. What more around me with silver trays, serving speeding up in precision time and pro- various nooks and crannies. can I say? If X marks the spot, tonight champagne in crystal goblets, as I swept portion with the volleys of sound and As for the ‘rivalry’ between this the X lay firmly on Downing. through a fantasy world of swirling heat above. It never lost momentum, College and the one next door, I am Laurie Tuffrey couples in their handsome suits and never dragged, but worked like a cox unqualified to comment. My friend, frosted frocks. cheekily telling her crew only ten more absend from yesterday’s proceedings Queens’: The Beautiful and Damned Although I admit my expectations for strokes with hundreds of metres left. but able to view them from her window, Queens’ stylish 1920s-themed Ball 2,000 Balls were lowered over the course of And then, finally, like the last burst of said the fireworks “pissed over” Trin- was a hit. The undisputed highlight number of paying guests my first year at Cambridge - in the cold energy when the crew can see the finish ity’s performance last night - but I’ll of the night was the headline act, winter months I began to wonder how I line and know they’re no longer being let those lucky few who attended both Florence and the Machine. Florence ever could have believed that the events lied to, the grand finale burst apart the Balls be the judge of that. herself looked fantastic, dressed in of my dreams could be real - it turns out sky to the evident awe and appreciation In summary, it was a triumph, almost ‘20s garb with numerous strings of that I wasn’t too far off after all. of all my fellow attendees. in the classical sense: a tour de force, an pearls. (The highlight of the set itself In terms of food, at John’s I was of- I never realised how great an impact exercise in hedonism, decadence, opu- was its final number, a breathless 270 fered more than my stomach could ac- my choice of attire would make on my lence, magic and any other May Week cover of ‘You’ve Got the Love’.) commodate. The traditional hog roast, experience of the Ball. My long-sleeved word you want to throw at it. Remarkable among other ents was number of handmade cupcakes chocolate fountain, burritos and fish number obscured my writsband, and I now wonder whether it was an er- a swinging silent disco, and I would and chips were complemented by more the grim security men ruined the magic ror making John’s my first Ball, making be remiss to leave out the excellent elegant offerings, including canapés a little with their frequent requests for the seventh-best party in the world the fireworks. provided by Origin8, paella, and deli- its display. As for my friend, her white benchmark against which all the Balls I Queuing was surprisingly ef- cious handmade cupcakes. dress, while aesthetically hitting the attend in future will be forced to cower. ficient, and the decorations were One criticism I would offer has to spor, prevented a joint visit to the Laser Have I blurted out the punch line be- pleasing, conceived in an effec- 0.5 do with the distribution of champagne. Quest. fore I’ve drawn out the storyline? Have tive art deco style. One of the most I have heard from older friends - and There is one question plaguing your I read the last page before I’m done original and inspired activities was number of miles the Ball I had always imagined - that a glass mind as your hand signs away two with the Prologue? Have I knawed off a vintage dressing-up box filled with occupied of champagne was the first drink hundred and fifty-five precious pounds. the tip of the Cornetto cone before I’ve distinctive ‘mod’ garb. quaffed by ball entrants, but at John’s What headlining act could justify a broken through the chocolate sprin- In terms of food and drink, the the champagne was not served until term of eating nowhere but hall? Last kles? I’m planning to attend Magdalene usual May Ball fare - hog roast, about 10.30pm, fifteen minutes before year it was Dizzee Rascal that did the on Wednesday night, and all the hype champagne reception, etc. - was the fireworks began. No doubt this trick. This year John’s bagged his part- about it makes me think it will be complemented by such additions as timing was a clever ruse on the part of ner in crime (purely a metaphor, one enchanting. But it will have to be wor- a bustling pudding tent. the Committee, designed to conserve hopes) Calvin Harris. And if a head- thy of all my Fitzgeraldian schoolgirl In summary, the theming was ex- 4,000 supplies of the precious but popular liner like that couldn’t single-handedly tremely effective, and the event im- daydreams in order to hold a place next number of Origin8 canapés beverage, but it did make me pause justify two terms of never wearing new to John’s in my estimation. pressively well-planned. I enjoyed to wonder whether I was getting my outfits without the price tag grating at Avantika Chilkoti myself thoroughly! money’s worth. the nape of your neck - it’s true that he Vicky Sparrow

A guest At downing sAid: “Where’s the toilet?” »At a Ball? Text ‘Varsity’ + your thoughts to 07797 800 300* Comment Editor: Dan Hitchens Wednesday June 17th 2009 6 Comment [email protected] varsity.co.uk

What I love Ed about May Week Cumming e end of the party I’ll miss Cambridge, but I have grown up a lot here

ust less than three years ago my father is condensed into eight-week parox- playground; an assault course for the counts as growing up. dropped me o at Clare in the old ysms, followed by lengthy vacations of mind and the character. e quality of a party is determined Jfamily Ford Galaxy. He had studied exhaustion. Before I came I wasn’t sure what to nally by its guests, and it is the people here himself, and seemed nostalgic as It might be argued that this is expect, and now I’m not quite sure what at Cambridge that have made it great. we unpacked my belongings into my set preparation for real life, but it isn’t has just happened. But looking around What I will miss are conversations. in Memorial Court. I asked him if he’d really. Life isn’t like Cambridge at all. the debris of three years I can draw Conversations with great minds about have done anything di erently were he Life is imprecise, unpredictable, more a few conclusions. I certainly haven’t great poems, conversations where I to have his time again. “Worked less,” he evenly stressful. Many jobs are less worked too hard. I have gained a band disagree with everything being said, replied, looking around a court almost intense than a degree, but then few of loyal if disreputable allies, a taste for conversations had blind drunk with unchanged in thirty years. friends just made, conversations to As I come to the end of my time here, hatch wild schemes for the future, con- it’s tempting to ask myself the same versations with people brighter, funnier, question. If I were to start again is there more brilliant than myself. ese have anything I’d do di erently? It is di cult taught me, and it is these I will treasure to answer. It is hard not to equate the most. e constant sense of vibrant, suggestion of alternatives with regret for engaged exchange. No library could onventional wisdom has it that the present, and I’m quite uncomfort- have given me this, no number of hours May Week’s all about the hedon- able with the idea of regretting anything passed poring over books, but equally ism.C For those on the outside, and so early in life. Regret is a melancholy no other university. with papers to sell, it’s ‘Shamebridge’. for life’s lost possibilities; the roads less Defending drug use, the comedian We, on the other hand, imagine travelled littering all our pasts, and Bill Hicks said, “I had a great time ourselves modern Sebastian Flytes, university a place where this sense is doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered kept in champagne and black tie acutely felt. I hope the self-absorption anyone, never robbed anyone, never for a week, boozing and socialising of all this is excused; no one perspective raped anyone, never beat anyone, never without a care in the world. will be the same. lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, But it’s hardly hedonism if you’re For such a permanent place, founded laughed my ass o , and went about told when to do it. Hedonism is turn- on glacial academic progress, the un- my day.” is is perhaps close to my ing up to a supervision in Michael- dergraduate experience at Cambridge Cambridge experience. I haven’t done mas term slurring and sleepless, has seemed overwhelmingly speedy. anything to change the world, but it has grabbing your supervisor’s le tit and ough I have a sense of an awful lot been addictively exhilarating and played throwing up on a bust of Plato. at’s having happened in the past three years, out at break-neck speed. It is time to do a victory for Epicurean libertinism. there is also the feeling I haven’t been degrees make you get up at seven in the the good life, a limited understanding something else, however. Like any party, e organised fun of May Week here very long at all. Lurching from morning every day. Cambridge lets you of English literature, and a much greater it has to end eventually, but equally it is balls isn’t. May Week activities are supervision to supervision, essay to know exactly what you’re going to do, understanding of how to do things closest to the end that you least want it organised with the grim determina- essay, exam to exam, with a thousand well in advance, but then encourages e ectively at short notice. I have lost a to stop. I’m not sorry to leave. Maybe tion of a Five Year Plan, with no other things in between, the modern you not to do it, or at the least to make great number of illusions, particularly there are some things I would have room for spontaneity. I’ve seen May Cambridge undergraduate degree sure you have fun doing it, and doing that life might always be an endless done di erently. is is not regret, this Week timetables, highlighted and has an unequalled intensity: life here other things as well. It is a structured horizon of opportunities. Perhaps this is simply the way of education. treasury-tagged, which are nigh- on indistinguishable from revision plans. Putting the Excel into an excellent May week. e seriousness with which May Week is taken is entirely characteris- Charlotte tic of Cambridge. We work hard all year, and we play even harder. May Runcie Really, like, relevant Balls are astonishing achievements - budgets up to a million pounds, e BBC’s poetry season is desperate in every way headline performers of a stature and blandness that only the V festival can match. e Cantabrigian culture of overachievement spills over into the ust think: this time next week, you’ll ing sonnets before the year is out. actually seem to believe it themselves. informed and entertained – badly. one week a year allotted to enjoying be watching TV on an actual TV. e e aim is commendable; a lot of To them, poetry was just something I’m being unfair. Armando Iannucci’s ourselves: the goals change but the Jinternet’s great and all, but it doesn’t people I know seem to have dismissed people did to pass the time before TV documentary on Milton was genuinely approach remains the same. We want quite replace the full experience of a poetry because it was badly taught to came along. But if the presenter doesn’t interesting – and so it should be, as a First in fun, a Blue in bibulousness. sofa, a plate of nachos, and some time them at school, and then ever since trust poetry to be exciting enough to Iannucci studied for a PhD on Paradise is isn’t necessarily bad – or- alone with Dave ja vu. associated it with impenetrability and talk about on its own merits, then we’re Lost. And Robert Webb’s programme ganised fun can still be fun. But for Still, I have a lot to thank iPlayer for; pretension. But the BBC is not going to not going to either. on Eliot’s ‘ e Love Song of J. Alfred me, it’s the unscripted moments it’s got me through plenty of late nights be any help, because their solution is to is desperation also extends into a Prufrock’ was very personal and very that make May Week great. Staying when my usual sources of procrasti- be appallingly patronising and simplis- strange section in most of the poetry moving. But these were rare; they were up late playing board games. Pints nation (pub quiz machine, Glamour tic; whichever commissioning editor programmes, the purpose of which the programmes that formulated a in the Pickerel. Hiding a hangover magazine, straightening out paperclips) thought that getting DJ Nihal o Radio 1 seems only to be to justify the licence proper response to the poems them- with sunglasses and Diet Coke every have been exhausted. Unfortunately, it to recommend William Blake’s ‘London’ fee. selves, rather than just cultivating a morning for a week. Walking back has also introduced me to the BBC’s po- touchy-feely emotional reaction to the home at the end of a Ball, as the sun etry season, which I have watched with poets’ lives and then making grand and comes up and birds start their song, the kind of horri ed fascination you get unsubstantiated claims about how they dishevelled and disorderly, and real- from picking a scab. “ e programmes cultivated a touchy-feely were the greatest, the rudest, the most ising that the people you’re stumbling It started so innocently. Ooh, Gri modern, and the most relevant writers, along with are your best friends Rhys Jones, he’s funny, I like him. And emotional reaction to the poets’ lives” like, ever. I’ll stop before I get any cheesier, he’s talking about poetry, and I’m doing None of these poets are allowed to be but also because these are my favour- an English degree. is is revision! Bril- just good. ey have to be shoehorned ite things, and everyone will have liant! It was not brilliant. It was the be- into a modern setting, and the relevance their own. It’s these moments of quiet ginning of something terrible: the BBC’s because it reminds him of e Verve has It involves the presenter running of their work to modern life forced glory that make May Week special. decision that it has a solemn duty to some serious issues. Nihal even o ers around on the Millennium Bridge ask- through your screen and into your ey come in the interstices amidst educate the British public about poetry. the insight that ‘you could have someone ing random passers-by if they’ve ever eyeballs. the o cial fun, unannounced and is seems to have been sparked at least beatboxing to it.’ Great. heard of the person the programme is Anyway, if they want people to learn unplanned. e danger is in being so partly by the shock discovery (by, er, is desperation to make poetry edgy about. Invariably they haven’t. And all more poetry then their aggression is intent on enjoying ourselves, so de- Boris Johnson) that children don’t learn and up to date is the main problem with that running about makes me think misdirected. e only way to do it is to termined on sanctioned debauchery, poetry o by heart in school any more. the BBC’s poetry season. I’ve lost count Gok Wan’s going to appear any minute get Phil Mitchell to recite ‘ e Waste that we miss them when they occur. I was touched by his ‘rage and of the number of programmes that con- and grab someone’s breasts, and nobody Land’ in full, ve times in a row, every Don’t take May Week too seriously despair’ because I was one of those tain this phrase: ‘So, back then, poetry wants that. But there you have it – a vali- night on BBC One for a week, and then and you’ll discover how seriously deprived children. Not to worry was the equivalent of a TV show or rock dation of the programme, all wrapped test everyone at the end. And if you get great it can be. though, because the BBC has jumped, concert!’ e presenter is trying desper- up in a neat two-minute montage with a the lines the wrong way round in ‘ e Tom Cheshire uninvited, to your rescue and mine. ately to convince us that poetry is both bit of excitement and some direct public Fire Sermon’ then he’ll come round your ey’ll have the whole country recit- important and exciting, but they don’t contact. Now sit back and be educated, house and get you.

A GUEST AT JOHN’S SAID: “Nice teepee.” At a Ball? Text ‘Varsity’ + your thoughts to 07797 800 300* Talissa Pilar Joanna Katie Isabel Isobel Maria

ail, bounteous May, that doth inspire Mirth, and youth, and warm desire! H Woods and groves are of thy dressing; Hill and dale doth boast thy blessing.

hristiana ictoria C arriet V Gabriella H Clementine Zenobe

only know that you may lie Day long and watch the Cambridge sky, I And, flower-lulled in sleepy grass, Hear the cool lapse of hours pass

Derica Sienna Anna

race Kate G

III atasha he walks in beauty, like the night V N SOf cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that’s best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes ease, Britannia, cease to weep! ark to the peals on this bright C May morn! heyH tell you that your future Queen Tin born.

Slavica

o! where the rosy-bosomed Hours. L air Venus’ train, appear, F isclose the long-expecting flowers, DAnd wake the purple year!

ingering—and wandering on as loth to die; Like thoughts whose very sweetness yieldeth proof L hat they were born for immortal- Tity. Cleo

Matti

Photographer: Michael Derringer; Make-Up: Katie Jenner; Assistant: Adam Dixon; Co-Editor: Maria Onyango; Editor: Sienna-Manon Wednesday June 17th 2009 varsity.co.uk Listings 11 VARSITY MAY WEEK

e a t r e Balls Art & Classical Garden Parties Film

Ongoing Pembroke May Ball: Moonlight CUMS Concert: Debating Garden Party Looking for Eric Gigi Masquerade West Road Concert Hall: 7pm (£8 Peile Lawn, Newnham Gardens: Arts Picturehouse: 12.00 (daily History Boys It’s midnight, you’re eight inches le concessions - £10 other and £5 on the 12-3pm (£2.43; to buy on the door except Wed), 14.20, 18.50, 21.20 Cambridge Comedy Festival of your party mask, you’re ten inches door for students) you must e-mail wswd27@gmail. Vue: 12.00, 14.45, 17.30, 20.15 e Comedy of Errors right of your Ball gown, that’s right, e distinguished CUMS II orches- com to con rm your place or pay Steve Evets plays a down-and-out Trojan Women it’s masquerade time. tra are conducted by undergradu- directly to the Director of Debat- postman who seeks existential advice Fair Youth ates. eir May Week performance ing’s pigeonhole at the Union). from Eric Cantona, obviously. Shot Wishful inking - Footlights Tour Magdalene May Ball will feature some Wagner, Bruch, e Directors of Debating have in Manchester, and lled with good- Show 2009 is is a quiz: what’s very much like Villa-Lobos and Stravinsky with cello promised a debate-free a ernoon. natured humour, Ken Loach’s latest black tie but white instead of black? soloist Sophie Gledhill and conductor lm could well be worth a watch. Dreamboats and Petticoats: e at’s right: white tie. If you don’t Daniel Hill. CUTAZZ Garden Party Musical have one you could borrow one. Peile Lawn, Newnham Gardens: Terminator Salvation Corn Exchange: 2.30pm mati- Magdalene’s the one near the bridge. Dragonsblood: A far fetched tale 3pm-5.30pm Vue: 11.45, 12.30, 14.30, 15.15, nee (£16/£20/£27) and 7pm about a far fetched artist’s pigment Head down for cocktails, chocolate 17.15, 18.15 (Wed/ urs) 20.00, (£18/£24/£27.50) King’s A air: Hedonopolis Fitzwilliam Museum: 1.15pm (free) fountain and a limbo competition. 21.00, 22.45 (Wed), 23.45 (Wed/ One of the fastest-selling albums An ancient exiled city (how can you Hamilton Kerr Institute’s scientist urs) last year, Dreamboats and Petticoats exile a city?), banished by the Gods Spike Bucklow explores the myths Lecture from John Micklethwait, Christian Bale is repeatedly thrown inspired this feel-good musical, for the decadence and debauchery behind the paints used in medieval art Editor-in-chief of e Economist against things by robots, while written by the duo behind Goodnight of its citizens, reappears for one nal and the cloak-and-dagger secrets that e Union: 8pm (£5 for those not looking angry and shouting at Sweetheart and Birds of a Feather. If ing before it is cast away once more went into their creation. If you’re hop- members of Queen’s College or e nearby humans. If you enjoy LOUD that’s not enough reason to go, they’ve into the dark depths of limbo. Fact of ing that those Middle Age ink ickers Union) NOISES and boredom then why not got some chap o X-factor. the day: Clare College was originally actually used dragonsblood, prepare is lecture, entitled, “God is back: try walking next to a motorway for built where King’s now stands but for disappointment. What the revival of religion means for two hours instead. Sense and Sensibility was demolished and moved when politics”, is co-presented by the Cam- Fellows’ Garden, Christs College: 5pm King Henry VI exed his feudal, Gandhi’s Children bridge Union Society and the Queen’s Red Cli (£5-£7) royal muscle and ordered a college to Museum of Archaeology and Anthro- College Politics Society. ough an Arts Picturehouse: 13.30, 17.00, be built in his name on this central pology: 10.30am - 4pm (free) Oxford graduate, Micklethwait is one 20.15 Much Ado About Nothing site. is exhibition by David MacDougall of the most interesting and reputa- John Woo’s latest is the most expen- Fellows’ Garden, Clare College: includes a lm and 20 video stills ble gures in the worlds of politics, sive Asian lm ever made. Centred 6.30pm Trinity Hall June Event studying a shelter on the outskirts of journalism and business and is the on the epic battle of Red Cli s at the One of Shakespeare’s most popular e land of the rising sun, the pas- New Delhi that houses and feeds 350 16th editor of e Economist. Copies end of the Chinese Han Dynasty, it comedies with a 1920s interpretation sage to India, the ancient kingdoms boys. e routines and lives of the of Micklethwait’s most recent book has been praised for its epic scale and and music and dance to bring out the of China, that’s right, this is the place boys are presented in an innovative “God is Back” will be available for tight choreography. ankfully, it’s darker elements of the play. to experience the lure of the East. light. purchase at the event. nally made its way to the UK.

The Mays 17 launches on 19 June 2009. Find the best new student writing and visual art from Oxford and Cambridge in all good bookshops next week. Guest-edited by poet and musican Patti Smith.

£8 for students when ordered direct: www.varsity.co.uk/themays

A GUEST AT JOHN’S SAID: “I want the people serving me to be smarter dressed than me, their casual dress only serves to accenuate the absurdity of the whole situation.” At a Ball? Text ‘Varsity’ + your thoughts to 07797 800 300* May Week Editors: Joel Massey, Emma Mustich & Avantika Chilkoti Wednesday June 17th 2009 12 Features [email protected] varsity.co.uk God and Globalism self-styled “paranoid optimist” and editor-in-chief of the economist john micklethwait spoke to lizzy tyler last week about the crisis in print journalism and his continued defence of globalisation

nyone who’s ever read The Econo- making a “fundamental mistake”. issue at present. challenge the conception that religious Obama stands out as a shining example Amist knows that the personalities of His response to anti-globalism is rela- With the shock of the European belief has declined in modern times - of this, a real “global salesman” of evan- its contributors are somewhat shrouded tively well supported. What is to blame Election results still fresh in my mind, “an assumption that has been with us gelical Christianity. in mystery. However, the magazine’s for the economic crisis, Micklethwait I asked the editor if he saw possible since the 18th century”. This brings our conversation to editor, John Micklethwait, is no media believes, is a “failure in finance” – and distancing from the European Union “If you look around the world this a close. Although at times guarded, wallflower. He has run this warhorse it is a “huge mistake to jump from that (EU) as dangerous for Britain. assumption is conspicuously not true.” Micklethwait was by no means unco- of a libertarian journal since 2006, to saying that the whole of globalisation “The European Parliament is a Yes, there has been a decline in religious operative, and his frequent mentions and before becoming editor he was in has failed”. somewhat failed institution, so it de- fervour in Western Europe, but this is of his own self-styled ineptitude were charge of its Business and US sections. “The fact that globalisation has pulled serves everything it gets,” he remarked. the exception, not the rule. His aim in clearly not born of pompous, false And he must be doing something a billion people out of abject poverty is Added to his rejection of the Lisbon writing was not to make value judge- modesty. His answers seemed to stem right: The Economist is one of the few one of the most remarkable economic Treaty and the prospect of Britain’s ments about such a trend, nor to add from genuine beliefs about the issues publications reporting increased profits achievements ever,” Micklethwait says. conversion to the euro, this statement to the growing mountain of books on discussed - as well as some pre- and circulation in this troubled time for As a liberal paper, The Economist will seems to highlight similarities to a Islamic fundamentalism, but rather emptive guidance from The Economist printed media. “fight to the last man on the issue that certain Kilroy Silk. But Micklethwait’s simply to explore an idea. team. Micklethwait does very well in Despite this achievement, Mick- economic liberalism is good for the Euro-scepticism is tempered by real “The ability to choose your religion styling his personal beliefs with jour- lethwait was the essence of British world”. But he also notes, “as journalists, respect for some “worthwhile” EU in- is a good thing,” Micklethwait believes, nalistic and commercial panache - a self-deprecation when I spoke to him we must also report the real world, and stitutions, and the success of the euro stressing the importance of religious formula which has been ewnormously last week about his first years in jour- in the real world, at the moment, that since its introduction in 2002 and the pluralism. He is careful, however, to successful, and is evidently uncom- nalism. Micklethwait says he started cause is not doing well”. European Central Bank. He sees the recognise that religion can cause much mon in the corridors of contemporary off working for Chase Manhattan Bank When asked for a prediction about Lisbon Treaty as the “big sleeping issue violence and disruption – and that it media and political power. as an “OK-ish banker in the City”. His the outcome of our economic predica- in British politics”. has in the past. But he trusts that “God “lucky break” came during the frenzy ment, Micklethwait refers to himself As our interview ticks to a close, will come back in terms of personal John Micklethwait will be giving a of the 80s boom, when a friend at The as a “paranoid optimist”. He believes I bring up Micklethwait’s new book, faith,” and be reinforced in politics. lecture entitled ‘God is Back: What the Economist mentioned that the magazine that we will come through the crisis in God is Back, in which he sets out to Micklethwait argues that Barack Revival of Religion Means for Politics’ was hiring. Micklethwait jumped at the “some shape or form” in another year opportunity and fled the manic City or so, but that there are “too many bad with hopes for a career in economic things to go through” before we can journalism. start talking about “green shoots”. This move proved wise, as 1987 saw We must not expect “the new normal “it would be wrong for a british election to be fought on moats and duck houses.” what was, until recently, one of the most to be the same as the old normal”: the severe stock market crashes that Britain world that we have grown so used to has ever experienced. Micklethwait is is not going to come back, as govern- very keen to stress that his change of ments are either going to have to con- career paths at this particular moment sume more of our money or spend less was merely a case of luck. on us. Micklethwait says this is a clear The Economist used to make use of a but unpalatable reality, which Labour is sort of “spy” on university campuses - a being “patently dishonest” in denying. don who would spot worthy candidates This brought us on to discussing the and nudge them in the right direction. lows and highs of the Prime Minister, As a student, Micklethwait received no who Micklethwait sees as “responsible such nudge, but he has obviously been for some of the pain”. There was indeed successful nonetheless. a global financial problem, he says, but “It is much harder now to break Britain would have been in a much bet- into journalism,” he says, citing the ter place had Brown not done “several late-twentieth and early-twenty-first things” during his time as Chancellor. century boom of media production, As Prime Minister, Brown has done “all and the resultant competition in every right”, but he is foolish in his pursuit of sector. It used to be that experience in gimmicky farces such as his appearance the finance industry was a “back door on YouTube. “Brown shouldn’t play to journalism”, but now newspapers politics,” he says; rather, the PM should are much less likely to take a risk on an stick to what he is good at – things like outside bet. his highly commended leadership of “Many of the best people have come the co-ordinated international response from outside journalism,” Mick- to the financial crisis. lethwait argues, but sometimes it is When asked if he thought Brown’s “much harder to plump for the person position was tenable, Micklethwait who has done something interesting mentioned what he sees as the great les- and strange” rather than the “career son in British politics: that one should journalist”. As the saying goes in LA, he never say someone is either surviv- quotes, “You never get sacked for hiring ing or doomed. Brown’s position may Schwarzenegger”. well have changed by the time this is Theatrical analogies aside, we moved printed, he jokes. The Economist’s view on to discuss the current and perenni- is that Brown stay on until October at ally troubling economic crisis. A strong least, to push through the new expenses proponent of the benefits of globalisa- regulation before the next General tion, Micklethwait is currently in a Election. “It would be wrong for a Brit- much-maligned camp. It is no surprise, ish election to be fought on moats and then, that he thinks those who claim duck houses,” Micklethwait says, despite globalisation led to the current crisis are public anger (perhaps justified) on the a guest at downing said: “Is it me, or is it hot in here?” »At a Ball? Text ‘Varsity’ + your thoughts to 07797 800 300* Wednesday June 17th 2009 May Week Editors: Joel Massey, Emma Mustich & Avantika Chilkoti varsity.co.uk [email protected] Features 13

Great Works Of Art In Cambridge #28: History Painting by Tom de Freston Christ’s College MCR rt historians are rarely great artists. ey are too in awe of their heroes,A reduced to culling stylistic tricks from Michelangelo, Titian and Rembrandt. ey are sti ed by their own erudition, paralysed by a fear that we might mistake them for a garret artist, untutored, a splasher of paint, a follower of instinct. So they pepper their work with ponderous allusions: a nod to Caravaggio, a wink to Monsieur Manet. Academic authority cripples the art historian into becoming a servile copyist, digging through the remains of art history, resurrecting its choicest parts: a touch of Manner- ism here, some Turner brushwork there. eir work degenerates into an elaborate parlour game of spot-the- quotation: it is all citation, and nothing new is created. Tom de Freston, artist in residence greater than the sum of its parts. De the Kama Sutra, are actually engaged hold her own against all those perfect- bloody and comic, luridly uorescent at Christ’s, is an artist/art historian Freston observes that we can footnote in a sexual act. e painting runs ten Venuses. yet blanched with a draining sci- who wears his academic laurels lightly. his gures to our hearts content, build on psychological inversions, sudden It is a sexually explicit painting with light. e painting’s greatest triumph He has wit enough to recognise the a catalogue of stylistic sources, perhaps volte-faces which leave you at a loss barely any sex, a violent diorama of im- is its transformation of scholarly allu- choke-hold of the ‘canon’ of Western divine that the artist has a penchant to explain the recurring female gure ages borrowed from the most-bought sions into something edifyingly rich art and the dangers of remaining in the for Titian, but the painting stubbornly bearing her water jug, and wondering postcards of Europe’s great museums. and strange. shadow of the great masters. resists a pinning-down to meaning. whether, in the beauty pageant of the It is a desolate and barren painting, Laura Freeman His latest commission, a colos- He admits that there are themes. central panel, a dumpy fertility idol can but crowded, stu ed with gures. It is sal painting for Christ’s MCR, is an e rst is the male nude engaged in STARTING in Cambridge in based approach supported by launch offer from now until extraordinary supermarket sweep his ‘heroic’ pursuits: raping goddesses, 2009 flexjex.com is going to our proprietary Skillset DNA 2010 project fees (normally through the highlights of Western art. swearing oaths to war, boozing. e De Freston’s re-imagining of the great second is the female nude, eternally change the way high-tech profile matching tools repre- 10% of project value) are be- heroic nudes of Classical antiquity and passive, eternally reclining, locked in a companies connect with in- sents a step-change for the ing waived. the Renaissance are handled with all stalemate with the questing eyes of the terns and freelancers for short way candidates and compa- The team behind flexjex.com due reverence for tradition but subtly viewer. e third and nal section of tweaked and ‘bastardised’. All those the theme addresses “ ghters, murder- term projects. nies find each other for this has a wealth of experience in preening self-important Apollos and ers, martyrs and the dead”. If we have flexjex.com (the flexible jobs type of project.” freelance and in-house con- pious St Sebastians are rendered ridic- been on a journey, it has reached a exchange) is a new website flexjex.com uses an innovative sulting in high-tech environ- ulous by their day-glo boxer shorts and bloody climax. Art history’s most flexjex.com matching socks, which half-preserve violent, sadistic excesses are crowded based in Cambridge. The site is model to match candidates to ments. Living and working their modesty whilst simultaneously together in claustrophobic proximity: a place where high-calibre companies: around the Cambridge reducing them to stock comedy bu o Marat slumped, bleeding, in his bath; characters. His Venuses wear white St Sebastian skewered with arrows; the people and high-tech compa-the- Candidates flexible post profiles jobs and ex“technopole”change environment Commedia dell’ Arte masks, which survivors of the Ra of the Medusa, nies meet to complete short- companies list project briefs inspired their idea. strip them of all their come-hither sprawled, hopeless on the decks; and, allure. It’s a pandemonium of gures in the foreground, e Dying Gaul, term projects. Today, the site on the web site - naked, nude, some abashed, some tri- suspended between life and death. moves one step closer. - Candidates bid for pro- Through their experience and umphant. e keen-eyed art historian e procession opens with Adam Flexjex.com will initially target jects based on their ideal day talking with people in the com- can play the picture game to his heart’s and Eve reaching for the forbidden content: e Death of Marat, e O a t h fruit and closes with their expulsion freelance graduates,flexjex.com academ- rate is a marketplace munity they learned that small of the Horatii, Goya’s e ird of May, from Eden. Is this, then, a meditation ics and the high-tech industry - Companies select preferred high-tech companies want a and Caspar David Friedrich’s Wanderer on sin? On the moral depravity of around the University of Cam- candidates based on the bids low cost, flexible way to find Above the Mists have all been redrawn the post-lapsarian world? De Freston where interns and freelancers and wittily trivialised by de Freston’s maintains that the meaning of the bridge, with plans to roll out to and their selections are guided the right talent and graduates, brush. painting is designed to be elusive: “as other high-tech hubs over by our Skillset DNA scoring post docs and academics are ese are slapstick cannibalisations you piece together the codes, it falls bid on projects posted by firms of ponderous history paintings in uo- apart”. Tease out one strand of meaning time. tools. keen to access commercial rescent colours. e whole, however, and the others disintegrate. experience. flexjex.com pro- is anything but trivial. Somehow the Viewers have complained that Industrial Placement coordina- Candidates and companies vides the place to bring them vastness of the canvas, the irresist- painting is too heavy with sex, but de ible grand narrative of art history, the Freston points out that there is very lit- tor at University of Cambridge control the entire process, together. In recognition of enduring power of the gures, however tle sex in the painting. ere is nudity, Engineering Department, Igor without third party recruiter this the East of Eng- meanly recreated, add up to something yes, but only one couple, drawn from Wowk, saidearn “I thoroughly involvement and ongoing fees. landfind Development a Agency, commend the flexjex system interestingflexjex.com can also work EEDA, has also offered grant and I am looking forward to its alongside an existing recruit- supportcareer to the overall concept. future developmentcash as their ment process - companies can appears to be mutual benefit tempeven use the work service to make Check it out today - browse for both students and employ- the initial match and then the site or register for free at ers which is bound to have a arrange to interview candi- www.flexjex.com positive impact on the region dates in person. and the development of stu- flexjex.com makes it easy for flexjex.com was developed by dents at Summer the University.” companiesKTP and Freelancecandidates MLDResearch Consultants Ltd. founded Placements Projectsto get in contact - evenTech/ outside IT by threeProjects Cambridge University Ed Lewis, director at the site. engineering graduates who flexjex.com, commented left their technical/ consulting “With flexjex.com we’ve cre- www.flexjex.comBecause it’s completely web - jobs in early 2008 to pursue ated a really simple online based flexjex.com offers a their goal of bringing flexible platform for freelance workers reliable recruitment service at project-based working to a and high-tech companies to a much lower cost than tradi- wider audience. come together. The auction- tional agencies and as a special theatre editor: Katy King Wednesday June 17th 2009 14 Theatre [email protected] varsity.co.uk Context THEATRE

The Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare Caius Court, Gonville & Caius College, June 16th-18th Dir. George Greenbury; The Shadwell Society  any things conspired against this charm and a little entertainment through go to Hannah Crawford, her Luciana Midsummer Night’s Dream play. The chatter of French tour- its unsanded exterior. charming, funny and grounded in a way Mists stood outside the Gate of Honour, Where it shone particularly were few performances were here. succeeding in tarnishing Shakespeare its two Dromios, with James Barwise All the above struggled to burst out of, Camdram informs me that there where countryman Voltaire could not. (Ephesus) and James Moreton Wake- what was, at times terrible. Lines needed has been a production of Midsum- Caius’ own clock, over elaborately ley (Syracuse) providing a fantastic to be prompted more than was forgive- mer Night’s Dream performed in chiming the quarter-hour. An audience continuity between the two bondmen, to able. Thomas de Freston’s exposition as Cambridge every year for the past filled with bored schoolgirls whispering the point where they had so accurately Egeon at the beginning was simply one four years. A favourite for thesps in front of a stage too far at the other captured each other's energies, man- long shout, with a bit of moaning, where taking a play overseas, Cambridge side of the court and angled into the nerisms and physicalities that distinc- he would roll around on the floor for a actors have toured this Shakespeare glare of the sun. Or worse, the sum- tion between the two was difficult with bit. What it boils down to is direction. classic across America in 2003, and mer heat beating down on fair skin, anything except appearance. Edward At no point did it feel as if there was an Japan in the summer of 2008. Evi- hangovers and humour to the point that Granger playing Antipholus of Syracuse overarching creative vision. If this review dently, Midsummer Night’s Dream post-interval the majority of the audi- also put in a fantastic turn, however his has concentrated too much on individu- sells well in foreign parts as well as ence had deserted the benches for the Ephesus counterpart Dónal Kearney al performance, it is because that seemed on home turf. shadows cast by the walls of the court. suffered with projection across the to be the only driving force. After this string of repeat It could all have been tits-up, tears on court and veered wildly between raving Don’t expect to be blown away by performances, you’d have thought faces and slapped wrists. melodrama and just mumbling. It un- something polished. Expect sunstroke Cambridge theatregoers would be But it wasn’t and this production, fortunately left the two plotlines feeling a and expect to forgive a little to get a little sick of Lysander, Demetrius and rough round the edges, shone a little little lopsided. Special mention must also bit back. Laurie Coldwell Helena’s love-triangle and Puck’s childish pranks. However, not only Kat Waters is there a production beginning today at Queens' College, but this Trojan Women by Euripides Christmas it will be performed across Europe by the European Peterhouse Scholars’ Garden, June 16th-18th Theatre Group, only to return to the Dir. Melissa Hussey; The Heywood Society ADC in 2010, tidily ensuring that 2010 will follow the trend of previ-  ous years. wo things were remarkable about this and the stage. Although Greek drama’s in sepia. Literalism led to long periods of So why is this play so popular play: the first was that I managed to declamatory style doesn’t exactly lend prostration, as Hecuba and her daughters with touring companies? Max Tsurvive it without revisiting the previous itself to audience interaction, it still needs tried to physically communicate with the Barton, due to direct the European night’s ill- chosen burrito and the second empathy to work. Everything felt a little Underworld. This would have been nice Theatre Group production, argues is that I’m managing to write an article bit too big, too remote. if done with a little more conviction, and that the play’s appeal comes from about it. May Week debauchery aside, The play's best moments were due to worked well when Cassandra mimed its versatility: the fairies in the it had some remarkable and interesting happy coincidences. When Cassandra strangulation. But when Hecuba beat the moonlit forest have magical appeal moments of its own. Not enough to make rushes on carrying a torch, wearing a ground, it was more like a slap. The char- for younger audience members, it spectacular, but enough to justify strug- flame coloured dress, she is matched acters didn’t always seem that emotion- whilst the often adult humour adds gling out of my gin-soaked pyjamas. by the orange flowers behind her. Later, ally involved: when Andromache learned another layer for parents (a formula The set raised an interesting dilemma. Hecuba calls the birds and the birds sing. that her son was to be taken away from used time and time again by both In marking out a stage for themselves, It didn’t always work out like that- there her, she handed the baby over and turned Disney and Pixar). Additionally, the production clearly wanted to create is no mention of HGVs in the original away as if it was the easiest thing to do in whilst some of Shakespeare’s plays the requisite sense of closeness, but the Greek. the world. have extremely complex storyline, attempt failed because of the palatial Rachel Taylor’s excellent costume On the whole, the plaudits must go to Midsummer Night’s Dream’s plot is college grounds. And, in so doing, they design and the white tents that adorned Leona Archer for her gaunt portrayal of simple enough to allow the director undermined one of the most appeal- the stage gave the play an Arthurian feel. Hecuba, and to the grounds of Peter- scope for adaptation and addition. ing aspects of outdoor theatre; the lack The actors wore striking technicolour house for being so damn pretty. Barton plans to make the most of of boundaries between the audience robes, but the acting was too often still Pascal Porcheron this, with a dark and twisted new version of the often light and sugary midsummer tale. He explains that Midsummer Night’s Dream is also A Winter’s Tale a excellent choice for touring, as it displays little of the boredom that Jesus College, June 16th-19th can so often go hand in hand with Dir. Isabel Taylor; The Alcock Players Shakespeare's plays. This May Week, BATS - Queens’  Amateur Theatrical Society, will be hilst Monday night saw Jesus’ lush shade of a blossomy canopy, the rus- This production showcases a variety of performing Midsummer Night’s expansive gardens transformed tic sensuality of the scene accentuated by the University’s acting talent. The shep- Dream every day from June 17th- intoW the wonderful world of Oz, they the lethargic strumming of a guitar, and herds are wonderfully realised, whilst it is 20th in Cloister Court, Queens' now play host to the Alcock players libidinous whoops of approval from this probably worth going just to see Jemima College. Co-director Steph Bain and their equally fantastical produc- group of sexually precocious shepherds. Middleton’s frantic Autolycus. The direc- describes how this new adaption tion of The Winter’s Tale. This al fresco Adding to this is improvised and eerie tor uses a small cast to great advantage. explores the idea of finding truth performance promises to transport music provided by the cast and instru- It is an achievement, also, to do so, given and humour through discord. The the audience to the Sicilian court and ments ranging from a quarter size ‘cello that the production has suffered in re- most obvious example of this being Bohemian idyll through audience par- to a children’s miniature keyboard. hearsal from an actor absented by illness. the union of Bottom and Titania, ticipation and an inspired use of space. As the action moves location, the This is a beautifully conceived rendi- which presents the audience with This production really does make the audience are forced to move with it. tion of the second latest of Shakespeare’s what happens when god meets most of its setting and surroundings, This degree of involvement, enlivens the romances. Reflecting its early modern beast; or Bain’s preferred analogy of with actors constantly wandering about, romance and spectacle of the piece. In heritage, this is a production heavy on Lara Croft meets Homer Simpson. looking on, or draping themselves on the case of the play’s ursine assailant, man masque that creates an atmosphere of Judging by the healthy ticket surrounding trees. The play’s dual land- and bear even disappear into the gardens alluring unreality, transforming the sales of previous tours, Midsummer scapes are thus quickly and effectively before offering the audience what gardens once again and making for an Night’s Dream is not just a Cam- established, with the Sicilian court resem- Shakespeare’s most famous “exit” does evening of sensual intoxication. Which, bridge phenomenon. Loved the bling an upturned toy box presided over not: the comic violence of a man being after the alcoholic rigours of May Week, world-over, make sure you catch it by an infantile monarch. The Bohemian dismembered by a fellow-actor looking might be exactly the kind of immodera- this May Week. Katy King scenes, meanwhile, take place under the not unlike Winnie-the-Pooh. tion that you need. David Shone

A guEsT AT quEEns sAid: “1920s decadence, I love it.” » At a Ball? Freetext your thoughts to 60340. Wednesday June 17th 2009 Reviews Editor: Tom Morris varsity.co.uk [email protected] Reviews 15

Food and Drink REVIEWS Noodles: Battle of the Titans

Morrissey Corn Exhange May 15th  94% of the restaurants in central Cambridge are Italian, but I can ambridge: Here’s your starter for ously cracking an infinitely long mike feverishly struck, sending pulsating only order penne all’arrabbiata ten. No conferring” lead and casting a striking silhouette vibrations through one’s body. It was a so many times before it stops be- “CAnd we’re off. Morrissey launches against the backdrop of a cigar-smoking truly magical live moment. ing funny. Unfortunately, I also into a rendition of ‘This Charming sailor flexing his muscles with “Refusal” Regrettably the bizarre heckling that fear change, and therefore need Man’ much to the delight of the Corn branded beneath. broke out soon afterwards threatened something reassuringly close to Exchange crowd. It was an incredible The fast-paced nature of the set re- to destroy the euphoria. When a punter pasta, but not pasta, to keep me opener, albeit slightly marred by the lack fused to lag, with a fine smattering of old ferociously voiced his objection to calm. Noodles are the answer. OK, of that guitar riff from Johnny. Instead and new material encompassing both Morrissey wishing happy birthday to choice number one: Wagamama. his four-piece band of merry men dras- his careers as solo artist and front man. an American superfan in the front row, Perched above St Andrew’s Street, tically fleshed out the Smiths classic, giv- Tracks from current album Years of the evening took a strange turn for the Wagamama’s offers a slick noodle ing this version an unprecedented power Refusal were well received, in particular worse. As the opponent was swiftly that the night’s electric atmosphere was experience with reasonably atten- which filled each corner of the venue. ‘Something is Squeezing my Skull’ and removed by security - a decision which salvaged. A triumphant encore of ‘First tive staff, big menus, big portions, Recently having celebrated his 50th a soaring rendition of ‘I’m Throwing had the crowd’s approval - the surreal of the Gang to Die’ was enhanced by and unusually decent desserts. birthday Mozza remains immaculately My Arms Around Paris’. But somewhat atmosphere of a pantomime took hold. a stage invader bounding on stage to Paying full price is completely quiffed, but stockier than the waifish predictably it was ‘How Soon Is Now’, a Notably shaken by the encounter, The momentarily hug her hero. Meeting a unnecessary since they issue more northerner who became a cultural icon killer punch cheekily dealt early on, that Moz struggled on but seemed deflated similar fate to her mouthy predeces- two-for-one vouchers than Pizza for adolescent melancholy over two made for the most spectacular highlight. and lacking his previous charisma. It sor, her ten second glory was a fitting Express. Overall, a reasonable decades ago. To the tune of ‘Irish Blood, Reaching its brooding climax, the lights wasn’t until he dropped a stunning conclusion to a typically melodramatic choice, but you could have it so English Heart’ he stalked the stage, furi- dropped as a enormous steel gong was ‘Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others’ Morrissey show. Paul Smith much better. Dojo Noodle Bar occupies a tiny site near the Careers Service, right next to the Mahal, and clearly Angels and Demons lives by the mantra of less (space) is more. Service is fast, portions are Dir. Ron Howard huge, prices are low, and the whole experience feels authentically Starring: Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer speedy. Discounted take-aways are  definitely worth a look for nights in with a DVD. hen a friend suggested several entertainment. Having read The Da Vinci scientifically inconceivable). While this The gratuitous violence that must have Teri-Aki is right behind Café weeks ago that we take a break Code years before I was schooled in the historical and scientific ambiguity could occupied at least half the film’s dura- Uno, near Magdalene, and pitches fromW revision and go to the cinema, I scepticism of the Cambridge Historical have turned the film into an amusingly tion seemed to please other audience itself at the pricier, tastier end of thought Angels and Demons sounded Tripos, I expected this film to be factually ahistorical romp in the vein of National members, but forced my friend and I - the market. The food takes longer like an ideal choice for our evening’s inaccurate but worth the £5.50 purely for Treasure or Indiana Jones, in reality it not lovers of violence, it is true, but also to arrive than at the other restau- its dramatic nonsense - and thus an ideal merely prevented thinking audience not complete wimps - into hiding behind rants, and tastes fresher and some- diversion from exam-related stress. members from investing themselves even our cardigans several times. How anyone how more premium (it might just To my considerable disappointment, superficially in the complex trivialities of might enjoy watching a prolonged seg- be psychological). There’s a good Angels and Demons was in almost every an overly intricate plot. ment involving the crucifixion and live range of noodles, and a devastat- way the opposite of what I expected. I I am hesitant to reveal too much of the burning of a half-clothed cardinal, for ingly efficient owner who enter- was hoping for a cheesy action film with actual storyline, because I struggle to see example, is beyond me. tainingly rules over her staff with fake facts and unrealistically attractive how anyone who read Dan Brown’s book If the film did have a saving grace, it an iron fist. Teri-Aki’s power-move, heroes; I saw a film that took itself too se- or knew its plot could have enjoyed the was born of one of its glaring flaws. Tom as it were, is the (figuratively) killer riously, featured an unnecessary amount film. The only thing keeping me in my Hanks’s obvious confusion during the sushi menu, which offers lots of of graphic violence, and starred a rather seat was a vague curiosity about the plot’s delivery of lines involving (supposedly) options for both individual pieces pudgy middle-aged man. conclusion; had I known the identity of highly technical historical and symbo- and pre-chosen selection boxes. I The film was vague on factual details the villain whose plot to hijack the pa- logical phraseology afforded several would say that it’s at least 40 times (and, unsurprisingly, predicated on a pacy is the plot’s key point, I would have instances of unadulterated hilarity. better than Boots sushi, and per- narrative not only historically but also found the film truly unbearable. Emma Mustich haps 15 times better than M&S. Finally, you could try Yippee Noodles. And by ‘could’ I mean 800 Anniversary Concert ‘should’, and by ‘try’ I mean ‘gorge at’. Yippee’s is in many ways the Sir Peter Maxwell Davies , CUMS 1, CUMS Chorus best bits of all the others com- bined. It’s just about as tasty as King’s College Chapel, June 13th Teri-Aki, but the same price as  Dojos (and more comfortable), and with better service than Wagama- ambridge’s image as an academic idiom at times, with an apparent formal- allowed the string section to show off their theatrical entry of the main “Ode to Joy” ma. The giant Indonesian prawn institution of global awareness was ised rhythmic character developing as the mature and expressive playing abilities. The theme, part of the last movement of the crackers are semi-compulsory, the representedC tonight by the thought provok- poem personifies the traffic of the city. brave, young, treble soloist Jon Wimpeney piece. The solos in this last movement were jasmine tea is bottomless, and the ing world première of Sir Peter Maxwell The chorus’ tuning in this complex piece received an astounding applause along outstanding, in particular those sung by the promised twenty-minute wait for a Davies’ piece The Sorcerer’s Mirror. This was excellent, especially during some of with the composer, whose proud expres- bass Gerald Finley, whose expressive and table is never more than two. The piece, especially commissioned for the the very exposed sections with thin brass sion portrayed the successful interpretation steely voice really set the scene for this work apple juice is the best ever (evaar?), University’s 800th Anniversary, covered accompaniment. However, there was a of his new work. celebrating humanity. Jessica Eccleston and the Mark Rothko prints make the modern day issues of global warming certain amount of tentativeness which Next came the extremely contrasting a strange kind of sense. Sweet and through the setting of a north Londoner’s detracted from the drama that could have Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9, which began Sour Pork, or the house special experiences in a nighttime garden. The been created in this piece. Another disap- with very primitive and guttural string Yippee Noodles are what the cool ambiguous, creeping, brass beginning pointing factor, due to the political impor- playing in the first movement; a foretaste kids order, while the even cooler of this piece, representing the serenity of tance of the text, was the clarity of words. of the spine-tingling performance to come. ones have the grass jelly for des- night, paved the way for this setting of the At times this proved to be a slight issue, The second movement was, however, a sert. five stanza poem, ‘Lamentations’, written by especially when “silence” was repeated little too on edge and taken at too fast a If you’re in a Clint Eastwood, Andrew Motion, the ex-Poet Laureate. contrapuntally. Unless ironic in mean- tempo. The lyricism and beauty of the make my day, punk, kind of mood The five movements run into each other, ing, the untidy endings of consonants did string playing gave a heart warming inter- then there is one other choice. exhibiting vague references to tonality by not create this ambience at all. Orchestral pretation of the third movement, and the Order ‘Ants Climb Up Tree’ at the use of quasi-cadences. The second interludes near the end of the piece, which chorus, if lacking drama in the première the Jinsing Noodle Bar, but take a movement clearly tropes a more tonal exhibited a Wagnerian feel in the music, work, certainly made up for it in their friend for back-up. Tom Morris

A guESt At DoWnIng SAID: “Not bad.” » At a Ball? Freetext your thoughts to 60340. Wednesday June 17th 2009 varsity.co.uk/sport

Tomorrow...

Preview of the remaining Varsity matches, Cricket and Sport Tennis. VARSITY MATCH RUNNING TOTAL: CAMBRIDGE 21, OXFORD 19. NEXT UP: CRICKET, TENNIS The Varsity Sport No-Prize Quiz Email your answers to [email protected]. The first set of correct responses will be completely ignored, as will all subsequent replies.

1. Who is this and what did she do? 4. Liam Gamble is the Light Blues polo these people is Will Rees? a) Monday captain. When speaking to Varsity, what a) b) b) Tuesday did he say was the only prerequisite for c) Wednesday joining the team? a) Blue blood 12. Jenny Morgan investigated the shock- b) Jodhpurs ing state of Cambridge sports facilities at c) Confident riding ability great length in a detailed exposé. In what year did they start discussing the need 5. In their first of three meetings this c) d) for a new sports centre? year, St John’s rugby team ‘crucified’ a) 1995 Jesus. What was the score? b) It was a good piece but I hon- a) 95-0 estly don’t remember. a) I don’t know but I’d like her b) 31-4 c) I was just looking at the pic- number. c) 31-3 tures. b) Was that Wednesday or 9. Dan Vickerman is the new rugby cap- Thursday night? 6. The University of Cambridge has an tain, after taking part in last December’s 13. The Boat Race is one of the highlights c) Lauren Cooney. She ran the eco-racing team. What speed can their unfortunate defeat to the scum. What is of the Varsity calendar, but how much marathon. home-made solar-powered bubble-car he studying and at which College? pasta does the average Blues Oarsman eat get up to? a) Probably Land Ec at Teddy’s. every day when he’s in serious training? 2. In October, Ben Riley-Smith inter- a) This is nonsense Isn’t that what they all do? a) 1050 grams viewed Jacqui Oatley, MOTD’s first b) 90mph b) Or maybe Hughes Hall b) Lots female commentator. What subject did c) Light speed c) Medicine at Trinity c) None she study at Leeds before embarking on her football career? 7. Matt Marley is a name you probably 10. In January, Jamie Ptaszynski wrote a 14. What was on the back page of yester- a) German don’t know, but he featured in the first completely irrelevant article recommend- day’s Varsity? b) Physical Education sports section of the year. What did he ing some novel winter sports. What’s the a) It’s coming out daily!? c) Economics and seven other students go to Japan last main problem with husky sledding? b) It was an ad. summer to take part in to achieve such a) Huskies are rubbish. Setters c) Well, there aren’t any sports 3. We have done our best to cover every fame? are faster and stronger. happening at the moment, so I’d single Varsity match against the Dark a) A sushi-eating contest b) The unremitting stench of guess a load of pointless filler. Blues, but what sport gave us our first b) A kendo course dog shit is just unbearable. victory of the year? c) A 24 hour non-stop race in a c) Both of the above. a) Rock climbing Nissan Skyline b) Gliding 11. Which day, according to Anna c) Sushi-eating 8. Will Rees captained his boxing team Stanley, was Judgement Day for the to an historic victory in March. Which of women’s hockey team? Software Engineers Hardware Engineers £36,000 www.starleaf.com