So Very Unsexy shove—but any more rules than that, and it’s only a matter of time that I thought of this in Gainesville, Florida at The Fest. I was in your brushstrokes of good intentions have you painted into a corner. ZRQGHU 1R ¿JKWV 1R EXOOVKLW *UHDW SHRSOH *UHDW PXVLF $Q Here’s the connection: Too often, the folks who have the most expertly planned, large event. How’d this happen? “expert without actually doing it” advice are the ones who want more I’m not deaf, but I do admit that ninety-eight percent of the time rules enforced because they don’t feel in control of the situation; ZKHQ,KHDU³+H\GXGH\RXVKRXOGBBBBBBBBB ¿OOLQWKHEODQN  hell, they may even have the best of intentions. But, ultimately, they with the zine. That’d totally keep it from suckin’,” I’m no longer want to steer from the back seat—yank the wheel—want to have paying attention. I’m picturing this really cute, fuzzy otter and he’s equal time without equal effort. They have the opportunity to walk ÀRDWLQJRQKLVEDFNWU\LQJWRFUDFNRSHQWKLVFODPZLWKDURFN0DQ away from a car you built if they wreck it. ,ORYHWKDWRWWHUJHWWLQJDOO'DUZLQRQWKHVKHOO¿VKORXQJLQJLQWKH ,¶OOOHW\RXLQRQDFRXSOHRIVHFUHWV 5D]RUFDNH¶VQRWEOLQGO\ ocean, being all cute, calm, and concentrated. And by the time the groping along, bumping into things, and somehow a zine ploops out person’s done telling me what I should do—without them offering of heinies every two months. It’s a lot of very tedious, constant work to take up the task they’re suggesting—that little otter’s opened WKDWLVVRYHU\XQVH[\WKDWLW¶VERULQJWRHYHQEULHÀ\PHQWLRQZKDW up that shell; he smiles as he eats. If the person’s still telling me it takes to coordinate a hundred talented people to make this zine. from the bleachers how to run something they’ve never been able How about this? We do by doing, not merely talking about it. Ideas? to successfully pull off, that otter gets his own biplane and makes We have plenty of ‘em. We just don’t need to hammer any skulls to friends with a monkey. They both wear their underpants on their get the point across and you don’t have to be in a secret club to join. KHDGV+LMLQ[0DQWKDW¶VSUHWW\JUHDWVWXII ^7KDQNVIRUSLFNLQJXSWKLVLVVXH` :HGRQ¶WKDYHPXFKPRQH\ So, yeah, I’m pretty tired of “Hey, you should”s; equally so Scarcely any. Since we can’t throw money at most of our problems, of rule-givers. I’m not saying let’s get all nihilistic, go screw your we have to be crafty and throw ourselves at those problems. And that EHVWIULHQG¶VVLJQL¿FDQWRWKHUUXQVWRSVLJQVVKRRWKHURLQLQ\RXU takes up most of our time. {If you can program in PHP, please drop eyeball, and kill puppies. I’m just saying that rules are like bunnies: PHDOLQH` 7KLVRQH¶VWKHPRVWLPSRUWDQW,¶OOOLVWHQWRDQ\RQH you can’t just have more than a couple without some of them fucking who I respect; who I know is slugging it out and giving me advice around and multiplying. borne of hard work and deep thought. These people are our allies. I have one rule that’s my guiding principle: in every situation, These are the people who are building a foundation, not merely try your best not to be an asshole. It’s as simple as that. I know, I UXQQLQJE\DQGGRLQJVORSS\JUDI¿WL$QGLW¶VWKHVHSHRSOHZKRPDNH know, sometimes it’s real hard—some people are begging for a good me stop dreaming about otters and listen. –Todd

AD DEADLINES AD SIZES THANK YOU: Drunk, polka-dotted cat thanks to Brad Beshaw for • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. the cover; They don't like it when we police the "police" thanks ISSUE #37 • 1/2 pg: 7.5” wide, 5” tall. to Megan C. Brooks for her picture in Liz's column; Yup. That's February 1st, 2007 • 1/4 pg:, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. a real picture of a "I've never planned to bomb the U.S." form ISSUE #38 • 1/6 page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. in Jim's column thanks to Kris Tripplaar; The end of the alley April 1st, 2007 • Please make all checks out to looks like a scary monster's mouth thanks to Ryan Gelatin for his Razorcake. illustration in Gary's column; Johany, Tommy, Wvvorrobb thanks Email [email protected] • We only accept electronic ads. to Albert Lam for his illustration in Amy's column; Just like in The for rates and full details. • All ads are black and white. Big Lebowski–something important's happening in front of a tall • We don’t reserve ad space. Our ad rates are super duper. rack of bowling shoes–thanks to Dan Eggert for his photo in the Cover drawn and designed by Brad Beshaw: [email protected] Rhythm Chicken's column; How'd "Hollywood" get spelled on the toilet paper? thanks to Rafael Avila for his illustration in Dale's “That which makes no sense makes the most sense." column; Female Joey Ramone thanks to Mitch Clem for his illus- –Philip K. Dick, Valis tration in Nardwuar's column (and here's to wishing that there This issue is dedicated to: Mike Webber, singer of the Nip Drivers, and James Brown (RIP) was a drive thru called "Fried Shit"); Octopusal new wave glasses thanks to Travis T. coming through in the clutch with Norb's illustration; Clouds of the Midwest thanks to Uri G. for laying out Contact Razorcake via our constantly updated website: www.razorcake.org PDA,J1KQNEJC KIBKNP=>HU=NPE?HAĢ#HELŃKLO@QNEJCD=PSEPDŃ=LO season thanks to C.T. Terry for the self-same article; From the balcony and under the armpits thanks to Sean Koepenick for his Street Dogs interview, Lindsay Hutchens and Sean K. for their Sophia Stranglehold: photos; Keith, I see the dogs, but I don't see any streets, thanks for laying out and illustrating the Street Dogs interview; Amy Adoyzie is so totally in China with a janky interweb connection and she's She ain’t big, still kickin' mega ass thanks for laying out both the Off With Their she ain’t a boy, Heads and Pointed Sticks interviews; Most likely got spittle on their lenses thanks to Shanty Cheryl and Madeline Claire for their but she dances to the OWTH photos; Time in the penalty box thanks to Allan MacInnis Big Boys. (yup, the hockey player) for his Pointed Sticks interview; The ever-gracious Bev Davies for her archival PS shots; Is that Jim Kaa's brother? thanks to Julia Smut for the Entropy layout and Biscuit would photos; Feel free to call the following "brainless jerkeses" if they be proud! NAREASA@UKQNI=PANE=HEJ=I=JJANUKQłJ@QJB=RKN=>HAġ'=OKJ Donnerparty, Ryan Leach, Lord Kveldulfr, Mike Frame, Kurt Morris, Mr. Z., Speedway Randy, Jennifer Whiteford, Keith Rosson, Joe Evans III, Josh Benke, Aphid Peewit, Sean Koepenick, Susan Chung, Donofanewera, Jimmy Alvarado, and Craven Rock; These LAKLHA SEOD & HERA@ KJ PDA łNOP ŃKKN  >A?=QOA PDAU HQCCA@ PDA issues upstairs and processed them, and I thank 'em for it: Mor Fleisher, Ryan Leach, Stacy Smilanick, and Donofthedickies.

Issue #36 February / March 2007 PO Box 42129 Los Angeles, CA 90042 www.razorcake.org WE DO OUR PART Okay, so last cover, we totally flubbed the spelling of the most literate band we've ever covered: Bloodhag, with a "D." Bloohag are scurrilous poseur choads. Bloodhag rocks. COLUMNS 36 42 4 Liz O. Guerrilla My Dreams 8 Jim Ruland Lazy Mick 10 Gary Hornberger Squeeze My Horn 48 56 12 Amy Adoyzie Monster of Fun 17 Ben Snakepit Snakepit 18 The Rhythm Chicken The Dinghole Reports 22 Designated Dale I’m Against It 25 Kiyoshi Nakazawa Won Ton Not Now 26 Nardwuar The Human Serviette Who Are You? 29 Art Fuentes Chico Simio 30 Sean Carswell A Monkey to Ride the Dog 33 Dan Monick's Photo Page 34 Rev. Nørb Love, Nørb INTERVIEWS 62 72 36 On Touring Comfortably by C.T. Terry 42 Street Dogs by Sean Koepenick 48 Diane Gamboa by Jenny Moncayo 56 Off With Their Heads by Megan Pants 62 Pointed Sticks by Allan MacInnis 72 Entropy by Julia Smut

FAVORITESANDREVIEWS 76 Top 5s I'm Gay for Tampa Jay.... 78 Record I’m taking bets as to how few of these are gonna be sold. I say seven, tops... 106 Zine I would have found the bad writing to be much more tolerable if I hadn’t of practically gone blind trying to read it... 111 DVD "Wine makes its own rules.” So true, so true...

Individual opinions expressed within are not necessarily those of Razorcake/Gorsky Press, Inc. Razorcake/ Gorsky, Inc. Board of Directors are: Todd Taylor, Sean Carswell, Dan Clarke, Katy Spining, Leo Emil Tober III This issue of Razorcake and www.razorcake.org were put together by: Todd Taylor, Megan Pants, Sean Carswell, Jenny Moncayo, Daryl Gussin, Skinny Dan, Chris Baxter, Amy Adoyzie, Keith Rosson, Juila Smut, Chris Devlin, Lord Kveldulfr, Ph.D., Joe Evans III, Uri Garcia, Adrian Salas, and Hannah Cox. Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the U.S. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the U.S. and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake via Prison Lit. Project, c/o Bound Together Books, 1369 Haight St, SF, CA 94117 or Books to Prisoners, 92 Pike St., Box A, Seattle, WA 98101 (who don’t ship to CA prisons). Want to distribute Razorcake in the United States? The minimum order is four issues. You have to prepay. For $8.00, you’ll receive four copies of the same issue, sent to you when we do our mailout to all of our distros, big and small. Email [email protected] for all the details. "The universe has a habit of deleting anachronisms." Philip K. Dick's got a lot of smart things to say. “Perverts I’M AGAINST IT GUERRILLA MY DREAMS Shop Y LIZ O Here.” ou Can’t Pick Your Neighbors

were willing to move from that corner of primarily by merit of the fact that the This story begins when I stopped by Sherman Way. operation is completely legal. Even Nadine Secret Desires, an adult-themed store in Van One month after this encounter, admits this. Although the neighbors complain Nuys, California, to pick up the tape player photographer Megan Brooks and I decided that the boutique crept into the neighborhood TI had lent my friend, who also happens to to confront the picketers. under the guise of a retail clothing store, it be the manager of the shop. I dropped by is, in fact, a retail clothing store, abiding by Secret Desires once before, when I handed * * * the ratio of clothing-to-adult goods set by over the tape player to him. It’s roughly the powers that be. The lingerie is no more WKH VDPH VL]H DV D PDOO VWRUH ¿OOHG ZLWK Nadine is the ringleader, the only person revealing than anything inside Frederick’s OLQJHULH WKDW UHDGV ³RQH VL]H ¿WV DOO´ HYHQ who offered her name and the only one of Hollywood, the gifts only slightly more though it probably doesn’t, and the sort of who was willing to speak on the record. salacious than the back walls at Spencer’s, shoes that are commonplace at goth clubs. She is short and red-headed but otherwise and the videos no different from what one There are bachelorette party gag gifts and non-descript in appearance. She could be ZRXOG ¿QG LQ WKH EDFN URRP RI DQ\ QRQ couples-friendly devices. In the back, there DQ\ZKHUHLQKHU¿IWLHV+HUYRLFHLVDPL[RI Blockbuster/non-Hollywood Video store. is another room that is home to hundreds of IULHQGO\ QHLJKERU DQG DXWKRULWDWLYH ¿JXUH The protesters are concerned for videos, all for sale and all promising to cater her statements a mix of genuine concern and the children. to someone’s taste, no matter how strange typical suburban nosiness. “Most of the people in this particular that taste might be. Nadine speaks often of community, a area are young families that are just getting On my second visit to Secret Desires, tight-knit group of neighbors residing in started, so many of them have young kids,” the scene was slightly different. Outside, a a section of Van Nuys two or three miles Nadine says. crowd was gathered, maybe twenty people, removed from the bail bond shops, hourly- Whether or not any of the young families holding oversized white picket signs. As rate motels, and strip clubs that mark in the area are concerned is unknown. Most , ÀLSSHG D 8WXUQ DURXQG WKH ERXOHYDUG Sepulveda and Van Nuys Boulevards. They of the protesters gathered on this particular island and made a right turn at the corner are “average” people, “middle class” people, HYHQLQJDSSHDUHGWREHRYHU¿IW\2XWRQWKH on the north side of the street, I caught a she describes, with community-based Yahoo street, horns honked roughly every thirty few of the words. Children. Neighborhood. pages and Neighborhood Watch groups. seconds. Half seemed in support, although the Perverts. The last word caught my attention, They are not the religious right. She stresses other half was followed by enthusiastically particularly in the context of the sign. this point repeatedly over the course of our UDLVHGPLGGOH¿QJHUV0HDQZKLOHLQVLGHWKH “Perverts Shop Here.” conversation without my prodding. This store, the non-employee crowd consisted The sign was so bold that I didn’t even demonstration has nothing to do with God primarily of couples in their late twenties notice the person holding it. The second I RUKHOO¿UH1RWOLNHWKHODVWRQH and early thirties. began to move into the parking lot, I saw an Years ago, Nadine recalls, a strip club opened Still, there is concern for the Boy Scouts old man rise from a patio chair a few feet nearby. It lasted less than six months before the who meet around the corner, the Catholic from the sign. He wore a cap and shorts protesters drove it out of the neighborhood. That school kids down the street, and the families and looked as though he could have been protest was led by the churches. who eat at the neighboring restaurants. drawn by Mike Judge. He was holding a ³:H¶UHQRWDI¿OLDWHGZLWKWKHFKXUFKHV´ Members of the group have driven down to camera and inching away from a sign that she says of the current crusade. “We’re not Secret Desires other outlets (Santa Monica acknowledged that anyone entering the religious right and we’re not anti-sex. Sex is DQG6RXWK%D\ DQGKDYHVHHQWKHVFDQWLO\ premises will be photographed. ¿QH7KDWKDVQRWKLQJWRGRZLWKLW,W¶VMXVWWKH clad mannequins in the windows. That “Hey!” I hollered before quickly backing location.” She points to a protester pivoting the windows at this San Fernando Valley out of the lot and parking far away from a at the end of the street. “Like that sign says, outpost are blackened and that minors are street light. I called the friend on my phone ‘The right business, the wrong location.’” not allowed inside doesn’t seem to be much and starting rambling about how I’m not a The protesters aren’t walking the moral high of a consolation. pervert and what the hell is going on here? ground. Nadine and her comrades don’t seem “We’re afraid of clustering,” says After I snuck into the store, he started to mind adult stores, in theory. They just mind Nadine. “We’re afraid of what will follow telling me about the protesters. They were having an adult store in their neighborhood. this store. And, we’re also afraid of what there every Friday and every Saturday The neighbors have voiced their is happening between ten and two in the evening since the store had opened three discontent with the new shop all over the morning because this store is open until months prior. People complained, but &LW\RI/RV$QJHOHV&LW\&RXQFLO2I¿FHRI two in the morning. We’re afraid of other customers still milled throughout the shop. the City Attorney, Department of Buildings levels of crime being a magnet to this area So far, neither the protesters nor the store and Safety. Yet, Secret Desires remains, and we’re afraid of the women, professional women, who are attracted to the customer base that may come down to this area based RQ ZKDW PLJKW EH SUR¿WDEOH LI \RX NQRZ what I mean.” Fear clouds more than Nadine’s statement. The focal point of the protest is the cameraman, who sits in his chair Friday and Saturday evenings poised to shoot both the faces and license plates of the store’s patrons. Despite the complaints made by customers and employees, the photos are legal. “It’s kind of like the paparazzi, if you know what I mean. If you are on public ground, in a public area, you are free and it is legal to take pictures,” Nadine explains. “Not everybody who comes to this store is going to be up and above the board,” she continues. ³:H QHHG D SUR¿OH RI ZKR LV FRPLQJ here and we also need a record of who is coming here, in case there is any violence projected to us. I personally was followed home one night. If we have a database of who is frequenting the place and who is here, it is to our advantage and for our safety. We are not going to be doing anything with the photographs, like put them on the Internet or anything like that. “ Although there are apparently no pictures of unsuspecting porn purchasers ÀRDWLQJDURXQGRQOLQHWKHVHSKRWRVDUHQRW simply for the private use of the group. “The police can do a spot check,” says Nadine. “If they want to do a spot check, we have the pictures of the person versus the car. I GRQ¶WPHDQWRVD\ZH¶UHSUR¿OLQJEXWOHW¶V say that someone’s picture is recognized by the police as being a sexual predator then that could be used.” It seems odd that the neighbors would presume that more sexual predators would be found at Secret Desires than Denny’s, the Boy Scout meeting place, or the Catholic school. I try to be understanding, try to tell myself that maybe they do have a valid concern. It doesn’t work, though. No matter how the sentences are phrased, no matter how genuine the concern in the voices seems, I can’t wrap my head around the concept behind the photos. Nadine is right when she says that not everyone going into Secret Desires will be “above the board,” but Photo by Megan C. Brooks you could say the same for the donut shop down the street. And, in the same respect, not everyone looking for crotchless panties, SHQLVVKDSHGSDVWDDQGRU9LYLG¿OPVVKRXOG be seen as a potential criminal. I Nadine knows that people are upset with the camera aspect. “Of course, there are t seems odd that the neigh- people who don’t like having their picture taken. I probably wouldn’t like it either,” bors would presume that more sexual she says. “That’s why we have the warning, so it’s not like a surprise. We say that we are going to take your picture. Heads up!” she predators would be found at Secret laughs. Ironically, many protesters pulled their picket signs in front of their faces as Megan snapped away with her own camera. Desires than Denny’s, the Boy Scout Nadine insists, though, that keeping a record of the store’s “customer base” is a completely rational action. Between late meeting place, or the Catholic school. 5

June, when the protest began, and October, No matter how cordial Nadine and who smiled a lot who was easy to be around. when this interview transpired, she has friends claim they are towards the owner and She just said, ‘I feel this very strongly and noticed a change in the clientele. staff of Secret Desires, there is no denying it’s my right to feel this way.’ Anyway, it “Initially, the customer base was pretty that the group is trying to run the store out of all came down to where we got thirty of us low-life because people didn’t know what it business. If the protesters had compromise on who surrounded her and said, ‘You’re not was,” she claims. “They thought it was maybe the brain, they would have stopped marching welcome anymore with that sign.’” lapdancing or something, so there were a lot months before. No, this group is set to stay Just as the store doesn’t “mix” with of lookeeloos because, like I said, they didn’t until Secret Desires permanently shuts its the neighborhood, so did one objector not NQRZZKDWLWZDV7KDWKDVFKDQJHG5LJKW doors, much like what happened with the mix with the protest. “See, we don’t want now, we have women looking for costumes. strip club years before. to make a judgment. There’s nothing wrong

Not everyone looking for penis shaped pasta and crotchless panties should be seen as a potential criminal.

“We aren’t against the store, the items, ³, WKLQN LI WKH RZQHU  NQHZ XS IURQW with a store like this for some people; we or the concept of the store,” she reiterates. what he was getting into… He might have just don’t want it here. It doesn’t mix here.” “We just don’t want it here. There are other second thoughts. I hope he can get out of After the interview, Megan and I walked VWRUHV ZLWKLQ WHQ RU ¿IWHHQ PLQXWHV IURP his lease.” over to Denny’s. On our way back to the car, here. If you have a need for those types of Then there are the signs. Yes, now the Nadine stopped and asked us if we were things, you can go there. We like the guy. cardboard slabs try to stress that sex is okay, friends with one of the employees. We said We don’t want any harm to the guy who just not in this area. However, there is still the yes. She asked then if this was going to be owns the business. The employees are very memory of the “Perverts Shop Here” sign. a pro-store piece. I said with completely nice people. We don’t harass them. We try “Do you know how long it took us to get sincerity that I couldn’t answer that until I not to harass the customers. We try to keep rid of that woman?” Nadine asks. “My God, ¿QLVKHGWKHVWRU\ an even keel on things. Most of our signs, she’s not with us anymore. She was asked to we focus on what we don’t like it about it— leave. It was hard to do that because she had –Liz Ohanesian the neighborhood, the kids.” a lot of friends and she was the type of person “I didn’t want I’M AGAINST IT to make things LAZYLAZY MICK MICK right. I wanted JIM RULAND sleep, possibly revenge.” BLACK MAGIC MISFIT I recently started a new job that required guitar comes in, heavy with reverb, I start to with his squaw. It was obvious they were an extensive background check. They told sweat. For most people the opening to “Black drunk. The sudden laughter, the awkward me it was just a formality to make sure I Magic Woman” is a showcase for Carlos movements. “Black Magic Woman” was didn’t knock over any banks or murder Santana’s innocuous noodling, but for me it’s on the CD player, stuck on repeat. It played CP[QPG DWV QP VJG ſTUV FC[ QH EJGEMKPI + the soundtrack to domestic violence. over and over again, like a joke told in a got a call informing me there was a “hit” You have to understand my situation. I bar that has to be repeated to everyone who Ion my application and I needed to come had no money, no car, and nothing to keep walks through the door. The music kept on FQYP HQT őſPIGTRTKPVKPIŒ 6JG[ FKFPŏV me entertained on those remorseless winter getting louder and louder and louder. Then offer an explanation, only that they couldn’t nights but the antics of my upstairs neighbor. something set him off. move forward with the “investigation” until He was a short, slight Navajo Indian who He yelled at her. She shouted something they had my prints. Hit? Fingerprinting? worked for the railroad during the day and DCEM6JGTGYCUCSWKEMUEWHƀGCPFQPGQH Investigation? These are serious words. I took classes at night. Something to do with them jacked up the volume, accidentally didn’t want any part of them, but since I’d engineering. He was friendly, but serious, at or on purpose, I couldn’t tell. Maybe she already given notice at my last job, I told least until the night everything went to hell bumped into the stereo. Maybe he turned them I’d come down. What else could I do? in a hand basket. it up on purpose, like he knew what was I was pretty sure I knew what the problem Of course, there’s a woman in this story. A coming and didn’t want me to hear it. “Black was. The lengthy application asked me to list YJKVGYQOCPDWKNVNKMGCſGNFJQEMG[IQCNKG /CIKE9QOCPŒſNNGFVJGTQQOCURCEGVJCV CNNQHO[TGUKFGPEGUHQTVJGNCUVſHVGGP[GCTU She was ten years younger and several inches felt only slightly larger than my head. The I was told the more you’ve moved around taller than my neighbor. Heavier, too, and by blows showered down like tiny thunderclaps the longer it takes, and I was a rolling stone no small margin. Her arms were bigger than and the shouts turned into sobs. for most of the ‘90s. During one seven-year his legs and her ass, well, you can imagine. I I threw on my coat and pushed out stretch, I lived in nine different houses, think she was from somewhere in the Midwest, into the cold. I walked along the railroad bungalows, and apartments. but I’m probably making that up. She was tracks, my hands fumbling with tobacco Of all the places I’ve lived, the worst was certainly hearty enough. She looked like she and cigarette paper as the snow gusted all C TCVJQNG GHſEKGPE[ CRCTVOGPV KP (NCIUVCHH knew her away around farm equipment. Hell, around. I went to a bar where the same Arizona. It was one of those converted motel if she’d been born a hundred years earlier she people always sat on the same stools and PWODGTU C RTGHCD ƀQRJQWUG (QWT YCNNU would have been farm equipment. Maybe that drank until I was numb. When I came home, a bed, and a bathroom. I was a starving was the attraction. everything was quiet. student and it was all I could afford. South They were an odd couple, no question about The next day my neighbor came back Blackbird Roost. Apartment 13. Nothing it. They seemed happy together, but that may from work sporting a shiner. He apologized good can come from an address like that. It’s have been part of the act that unusual couples for the noise, but wouldn’t look me in the eye. the address of a serial killer in a comic book, put on for those who suspect there’s something He seemed desperate, slightly crazed. Both a sad evildoer in a Tim Burton movie. But not quite right about their relationship. As I of us knew the woman was gone and never for me it was the place were I came to hate YQWNFUQQPſPFQWVVJGTGYCUUQOGVJKPIXGT[ coming back, but it didn’t stop the madness Carlos Santana’s “Black Magic Woman.” very wrong about their relationship. upstairs. It only made things worse. You think you know what I’m talking Before I continue, you need to understand To say he didn’t handle the break-up about; you think you know the song; but, how thin the walls were at Blackbird Roost. well would be an understatement of colossal trust me, you don’t. A certain kind of When my Native American neighbor came proportions. He dropped out of school, knowledge becomes available to you once home from work at night I could hear each drank all the time, lost his job. He’d get you’ve listened to the same song over and step as he climbed the stairs. I listened as he liquored up, turn on the stereo, and Carlos over again—especially if it’s against your slammed the cabinets shut after he picked out Santana would come pulsing through the will. It’s a kind of knowing that graveyard something to eat. I could even hear the mattress ceiling. I called the cops nearly every night, disc jockeys, lonely truckers, and torture sigh, or at least I imagined I could, as he sat sometimes more than once, but there was victims know all about. A special kind of on the edge of the bed to unlace his boots and little they could do. He was riding that pain that shows up on the dangerous side of NGVVJGOFTQRVQVJGƀQQTYKVJCJGCX[VJWF downward spiral like he was trying to set repetition where all the comfort of knowing Picture me, the schmuck downstairs, waiting a record to see how hard and how fast he the architecture of a song inside and out is for the other shoe to drop. could hit bottom. annihilated and stripped away and something I got back at him by having loud, head- One night I watched three Navajo men else takes its place. Something insidious and banging sex at night, at least I would have climb the stairs to his apartment. One of perverse. Something Santanic. if I had been getting any, but I was dating them had a liter of Jack Daniels; another It starts with an organ, a four-note loop, a virgin and my dreams were the lurid carried a heavy walking stick. The next a psychedelic prelude to a bad acid trip. Then nightscapes of the repressed. time they brought a woman with them. She comes the conga drums. Manic yet martial. On the night I came to loathe Carlos stayed out on the porch, calling out to me to The beat of a primitive ritual. When the Santana forever, the Indian came home come up so she could make things right. I Photo By Kris Tripplaar The blows showered down like tiny thunderclaps and the shouts turned into sobs. didn’t want to make things right. I wanted whispering in his ear and feeding him lines being a prisoner of fear—my own as well as sleep, possibly revenge. I didn’t know what like “Don’t turn your back on me baby,” my neighbor’s—to experiencing solidarity was worse: facing another sleepless night or everything might have turned out okay. of friendship: the greatest thing a person the reprisal I feared was sure to come, like Fact: Carlos Santana did not write can give of himself. Ironically, my new waiting for that other shoe to drop. “Black Magic Woman.” It was written by roommates both loved loud music. One loved I was writing a novel at the time, a crime Peter Green, one of the founding members heavy metal; the other’s passion was for punk UVQT[ſNNGFYKVJDCFRGQRNGYJQFQVGTTKDNG of Fleetwood Mac. Unfortunately, Peter had rock. But you already know that story. things to each other. It starts with a cellist an LSD problem and was heavily into the When confronted with major life changes who becomes so distracted by the couple occult, which did not jibe too well with the and I’m in the midst of several now—new in the apartment above him he complains rest of the band. They went, as they say, in job, new city, and very, very soon, new about the noise. The couple, a pair of gay different directions. Carlos heard the song YKHGōKVŏUPCVWTCNVQTGƀGEVQPVJGUVQT[QH gangsters, responds by mangling the cellist’s in 1970 and recorded it the following year. your life, the arc of your personal narrative. hands in a meat grinder. My head was Funny the stuff legends are made of, isn’t it? There are highs and there are lows and, if ſNNGFTGXGPIGHCPVCUKGUYJCV+ŏFFQVQO[ Perhaps Carlos Santana would have you’re lucky, most of it falls somewhere in neighbor if I thought I could get away with become famous without “Black Magic the middle of that “not bad” region we’re it, what he and his friends would do to me Woman” (Quick, name one other song by constantly telling people we’re in when they if they caught me alone out by the railroad Carlos Santana. You can’t do it, can you?) ask as how we’re doing. When I look back tracks. My neighbor was a stranger, but I But I doubt it. As far as I’m concerned on my story, there are times when it felt like was on intimate terms with paranoia. Santana is the associate of some infernal I was living under a shadow. Bad things Eventually, inevitably, he was evicted. agency. Both he and his music are to be happened to me or because of me. Not once Afterwards, the cops told me he’d broken avoided, especially when drinking with or twice but all the time. Some times are CNNVJGHWTPKVWTGCPFYCUUNGGRKPIQPCſNVJ[ JCOſUVGFYQOGPYJQECPJQNFVJGKTNKSWQT darker than others. Some times it feels like mattress. The water and power had been better than you can. I was moving backward instead of forward. off for a while and the carpets stank of piss Improbably, this story has a happy 5QOGVKOGUCTGDGUVPQVVQTGƀGEVQPCVCNN where his friends had been urinating on ending. From Blackbird Roost, I moved into but just be thankful I got through them and the walls. He’d gone from having it all—a 56 Calle Contenta. I went from an address try to do better in the future. decent job, steady sex, and a place to live— out of an Edgar Allen Poe story to live on That’s how I hope my old neighbor to less than nothing. All because he started Happy Street. Not only was my rent cheaper, feels. Regret is a hard thing to live with but some shit with his woman that he couldn’t my roommates were two hard-working and it can be done; but to live your days without ſPKUJCPFIQVVGPJKUCUUJCPFGFVQJKO reasonably sober guys. One is the editor of hope for a better future, that’s not really I don’t blame her and, even though I this magazine; the other runs its website. living, is it? believe that he is ultimately responsible for Their friendship is the reason I am writing his actions, I don’t really blame him for his to you today. ă-LP5XODQG bad judgment and worse behavior: I blame the song. Without Carlos Santana sitting on I look back on the move to Calle Contenta my neighbor’s shoulder like a red-tailed imp, as one of those transition phases. I went from

9 “I, by no means, I’M AGAINST IT am a big fan SQUEEZE MY HORN of children, but GARY HORNBERGER why are they working?” MEXICO BLUES

I hope everyone had one hell of a good myself. Now, I’ve been to the heart of Los WKH/$DUHDRXWODZWKHP 7KHUHLVDOVR time at the holidays, whether it was with Angeles, and experienced the homeless. In a good amount of band name dropping, friends and family or just boozing it up in fact, the bums in Berkley will sell you a and to, tell the truth, I’ve never heard Isolitude. I was invited on a three-day cruise joke for a quarter and I hear the bums in San these bands’ music, so I’m not moved to for the Thanksgiving weekend. That’s Diego will watch your car and make sure no say, “Yes, I concur,” or “Dude, they suck,” ULJKWGRZQWR(QVHQDGDDQGEDFN0\¿UVW one messes with it for a dollar or two, but except Incubus, where I concur that they footsteps out of the country and it’s to a God- many these people choose that lifestyle. In suck. There is also a substantial amount forsaken trading post in Mexico. I guess I Mexico, I get the feeling one is born into it of smoking and drinking to which I reply, should have paid the extra money to take and only luck would change things. “Why is there no brand dropping going on a ride to the blowhole, which is some area I guess this trip has made me feel the beer?” The good thing is I didn’t fall where the ocean spits up through a rock. extremely thankful that I was born in DVOHHSEXWXQIRUWXQDWHO\,FDQ¶W¿QGPXFK There are only three of them in the world! this country, to a middle income family that could label this the wild adventures of Instead, I took the shopping trip, which with plenty of love and that I married a either. I will say that the illustrator is adept was a whole lot like Melrose only tighter, wonderful woman who puts up with me at making maps. (Brian Dubin, 3019 St. more run down, and the prices are cheaper, and my shortcomings. In fact, I’m thankful Paul St. Apt 2f, Baltimore, MO 21218, depending on how well one haggles. My that most people put up with me. Now that [email protected] biggest problem was the begging. I could I’ve strayed, let me get back. I thought that not move from one corner of a street to maybe it was just my location in Mexico, NIGHT TERROR another without being swarmed by small but I was told that the problem is even bigger  86 IUHH WR SULVRQHUV %\ &UDYHQ children trying to sell me gum, candy, or in Mexico City and in Tijuana. How can a 5RFNDQG.LQRNR severely cheap jewelry. I, by no means, nation so large and industrialized not see the I will admit that, at times, I’m not reading am a big fan of children, but why are they problems? A dictator does not rule it, and comics and that a book passes through working? I guess it’s because our neighbors much of California’s industry is moving to that is almost pure information. This is to the south have no child labor laws and no the south? I was once asked what I thought one of those. There is nothing amusing mandatory school laws. The exploitation the answer to the immigration problem in the pages of this book. It is haunting drove me straight back to the boat. was and I jokingly replied that when the to know that there are people with an The other problem I had was that there 86ZDVPRYLQJZHVWZDUGLWVKRXOGKDYH DIÀLFWLRQ WKDW FDQQRW ¿QG DQ DQVZHU WR D were also some old women who would sit moved southward also. I realize that sounds constant problem. I, myself, have never on the curb Indian style and hold out a cup racist or Bush-like, but how great would it considered that night terrors is a condition for handouts. The fact that the women all be if all those kids were in school learning that is constant, emotionally draining, had the Mexican Indian look—darker skin, instead of pan handling? What’s the answer? and disturbing. To put this problem into smaller in stature—gave me the impression I don’t know and maybe that’s what sickens this form is genius. The start of this book that there must be some racism going on me, makes me want to look away. is personal and very descriptive of how to the south also. I later learned that these Maybe if they appeared to have a chance night terrors affect the author, then the women might be Guatemalan. The last I could feel helpful rather than helpless. reader gets an enlightenment to what night women I saw was holding out a Starbucks terror is and the lack of information the cup, which, now that I think about it, would I REALLY STEPPED IN IT sufferer has available to understand what have made a stunning photo. THIS TIME # 5 is happening. The author has done an With all these American tourists and $ ??, By Brian Dubin, amazing job researching and bluntly gives drunkards running about, one would think Personal experience stories are hit or miss: DQKRQHVWDFFRXQWRIKLV¿QGLQJV,WLVYHU\ there would be a little change in their baskets. if they’re a hit it’s because the stuff is funny straightforward and pulls no punches. If I saw none. Sure, I was to blame, but I had or I can relate; they miss if I’ve fallen asleep one suffers from night terrors, this book a ten and a twenty, and I would have felt half way through. This one could go either is a must, and if one does not suffer, it is awkward changing in the ten so I could give way. I do feel like I could hang out with this an excellent means of understanding what one thousand beggars a penny and still not guy. He goes to shows, likes the chicks, and others go through. As for the art work, it make a dent. I just don’t think others feel the is constantly on the move. The big problem works very well with the writing. It does not same. I then started looking around—at the is that none of the things hit me with the terrify yet shows the terror that the sufferer young and old begging—and a man with a funnyville slugger. In one panel he tells sees. To wrap it up, this is a common man’s deformed arm trying to make a buck, taking us he sees a guy riding a Segway (a self- PHGLFDO MRXUQDO &UDYHQ 5RFN 32 %R[ souvenir photos by the big heads of Mexican EDODQFLQJ KXPDQ WUDQVSRUWHU  DQG WKLQNV 20692, Seattle, WA 98102 eavesofass@ leaders past. My mind reeling, I wanted to there are probably many Segways in L.A. yahoo.com, www.kinokogallery.com run back to the ship and paddle it back home (To which I would reply that many cities in perseverance. I still have the À\HUIURPWKH¿UVWSXQNJLJ, ever went to and I remember because of the artwork, not just the lettering. This book chronicles the man’s work from 2001 to 2006 and it contains some interesting and bizarre work, my favorite being the man in the straight jacket riding a screaming giraffe. There is even a work done for a White Stripes show, which he points out in the forward. The only thing that could make this better is to increase the size. For those WKDW FROOHFW À\HUV WKLV LV D must have, and for those that love the art it is a must have. It’s all for just four bucks. (Mike Twohig 145 Meadow Farm North North Chili, NY 14514, miketwohig@ hotmail.com and miketwohig. DUWFRQVSLUDF\FRP TONER 2 $ ??, By Jonathan Wayshak Jonathan Wayshak addresses art and storyline from the darkest depths of a madman’s mind. The detail Illustration By Ryan Gelatin and dark beauty of this book is incomparable to any other books I’ve read. The representation of a I wanted to run dreadful society abounds in the pages of this book. Looking at a mere stop signal from across a crowed street in the rain brings a back to the ship bone-chilling feel to the viewer of this panel, as does the killing for a chocolate coin. %ORDWHG ERGLHV SLHUFHG VNLQ DQG WKH ÀLFN and paddle it back of a blade enable readers to loath characters and feel remorse for others. This is truly a dark collection of visually told stories. If the cover is any indication of price, don’t ask home myself. just pay the price and get a copy of this dark PDVWHUSLHFH VFUDSERRNPDQLIHVWRFRP SATURDAY NITE/ SUNDAY WKDWWKLVZDVDIXQUHDGDOLWWOHGLI¿FXOWDW BLANK #1 $ ??, By Plex Lowery times because the handwriting is bad, but There is nothing like a good “heaven and hell very well put together. If your religious $ ??, By Jonathan Wayshak in the bathroom” story, and, to tell the truth, beliefs are liberal then I’m sure this book This one should be renamed The Book of this is the only one I’ve ever read. To be will interest you. I could actually see this Revenge. It has two stories of vengeance. perfectly honest, I was really interested where EHLQJPDGHLQWRDVKRUW¿OP7KHUHLVVRPH 7KH¿UVWLVDPDFDEUHUK\PLQJVWRU\DERXW WKLVVWRU\ZDVJRLQJDW¿UVWEXWE\7KXUVGD\ mystery, some romance, and a demon. What getting back and showing no mercy to the I was on the level. It is always interesting more is there to say? ([email protected], school bully. The second is a father’s brutal KRZSHRSOHHQYLVLRQUHOLJLRXV¿JXUHV7KH or [email protected] revenge for the rape of his young daughter. story, in short, goes that God likes to cover Both of these stories are made horrifyingly WORGINK FOR FREE up his mistakes by hiding them, only in this spectacular by the Wayshak artwork. If you case he’s missed his mark and dumped his 86RUHTXDOWUDGH%\0LNH7ZRKLJ want to give a kid nightmares, read them this trash in a young girl’s apartment bathroom: 7KLV RQH LV WKH À\HU DUW RI 0LNH 7ZRKLJ book then turn out the lights. There is just one piece of trash being a one-winged angel who draws up some awesome stuff. Flyer art something about the artwork that makes one that does not speak. So God supposedly hires for shows is pretty much like record shops; stare at it; kind of the same way people stare a demon lawyer to correct the problem. The going the way of the dodo. In the ‘80s, one at a car wreck. If there is anyway to look young girl in the meantime spends the week FRXOG ¿QG À\HUV OLWWHULQJ WKH GRRUZD\V away during the reading, I have not found it. evaluating herself and her existence. In the of most record stores. Today, information This book is a must-have for the horror movie end, the demon is foiled in his plans to end about shows comes by way of the Internet, buff who enjoys the art of dismemberment. all existence on earth by a simple phone call but there are no bizarre drawings or photos VFUDSERRNPDQLIHVWRFRP  to God. Throw in a distant cousin to Christ to go with them. That is why this little book who can make beer from buttermilk and that is a gem, not just for the mere fact that –Gary Hornberger is the makings of this wild story. I’ll admit this guy can draw but also for historical 11 “+ſPCNN[TGCNK\GF the seriousness of the red scare when I MONSTER OF FUN sang Backstreet Boys songs twenty times in AMY ADOYZIE a single week.” Kara-not-okay

Call me whatever you want: a privileged, This ain’t no fucking football game, there There were a few times where I asked a ¿UVWZRUOGERXUJHRLVFUHHSEXW,MXVWFDQ¶W DUHQRPRUH¿UVWGRZQV class what type of music they like and all 70 be cool with kids shitting in the streets. Jab-jab, punch-punch of them began to chant, “J-A-Y-J-A-Y!” CNot metaphorical shitting like how some I want my hand on the controller” He’s a classic pop star, whose likeness IRONVIHHOWKDWJUDI¿WLDQGZKHDWSDVWLQJLV has been branded on everything from vandalism, but actual number-two-bowel- It’s just a fun and dirty song about EDJV RI WRPDWRMXLFHÀDYRUHG FKLSV WR movement-turd-slipping-outta-miniature- talking shit and punching things. But my fobbed-out Chinese kicks. Jay’s music is yellow-ass-on-the-sidewalk shitting. students didn’t think so. It was like I was beautifully generic with its light ballads Huarong, the Chinese town where I live shoving broken bits of glass into their ears. and he even raps. He’s an industry unto and teach, is just another small dot on the Even though they didn’t know it was me himself, mass marketed to appeal to map of developing cities where the idea of singing, I couldn’t help but have my feelings everyone. Except me. private hygienic decorum has yet to catch hurt when they all cringed. One of my male students had a Tiger up to China’s economic aspirations of But I am comforted by knowing that Beat-esque notebook with Jay picture becoming a world power. That’s why I can’t my students have anti-taste in music, that stickers adorning Jay lyrics he had help but chuckle when a friend from home is to say that their collective opinion is total copied down. I asked him why he loved asks, “Been to any good shows lately?” garbage. I blame Chairman Mao. Jay so much. Nah, I haven’t seen any bands in Some folks say that communism is “He is just too cool,” he said. Huarong, but some pervs might consider only good in theory, but not so feasible in “Oh really?” All I could think by just D ¿YH\HDUROG¶V SXEOLF GHIHFDWLRQ WR EH D practice for a variety of reasons that I’m not looking at the mini-pictures of Jay’s overly- helluva show. educated enough to explain. However, what coifed black hair and dour, squishy squirrel I do know is that China’s revolution created expression was, What a douchebag, but * * * an insular culture. Lack of accessibility to I refrained from saying so because I’m information and a lack of choice bred love pretty certain these kids don’t know what a I almost polished off an entire box of of boy bands and soft rock. douchebag is. “What does he sing about?” NOHHQH[ ZKLOH VWXI¿QJ D WUDVKFDQ ZLWK ,¿QDOO\UHDOL]HGWKHVHULRXVQHVVRIWKH I asked instead. ZDGGHGWLVVXHV¿OOHGWRWKHEULPZLWKP\ red scare when I sang Backstreet Boys “Love!” mocos. I was a sad sight, but I still had songs twenty times in a single week. “He only sings songs about loving to teach six classes that day. Instead of a During the week where I did a lesson on a girl?” proper lesson, I played games or let some music, I fell into the pits of despair as my “No! He sing songs about loving girls, of the classes watch a Chinese show. In one kids yelled out “Pass!” during The Beach to love our country and to listen to our class, I didn’t have the energy to even keep a %R\V DQG 5HLJQLQJ 6RXQG 0\ SLW\ IRU parents,” he declared proudly. game in order so I brought in some speakers their insulting and deeply saddening taste in What a douchebag, I thought again. DQGMXVWSOD\HGPXVLF8QIRUWXQDWHO\,ZDV music kept me from lurching across a dozen But it makes sense that he’s so popular, summarily told to put my iPod away. rows of desks in order to school these kids he’s probably an agent of the Party, stolen It probably didn’t help that I played on f’real music. from Taiwan to assert their power over that a Bananarchy song. Bananarchy was the Greg Cartwright sings for our sins! island nation. Jay proselytizes and the mass band I started with Abby and Aaron three If anything, communism ain’t no good of pop-culture starved Chinese students just summers ago, one night while we were if you want your populace to have some eats it up. drunk and spinning from adderall. It was semblance of taste in good ol’ rock’n’roll. Love girls? Sure! “Dear Secretary of State,” a socio-political Girls and boys alike have a Love our country! Hell yeah, bitch! punk rock nightmare of song, lambasting metaphorical hard-on for Jay Chou Listen to our parents?! Are you RXU DGPLQLVWUDWLRQ IRU ¿JKWLQJ ZDUV OLNH (metaphorical hard-on because these motherfucking kidding me? I be obeyin’ they were playing a video game. kids don’t have time in their schedule to them even in the afta life! GHDOZLWKUHDORQHV +H¶VDVLQJHUDFWRU “Dear secretary of state from Taiwan that every teenager in China * * * You’re not a brother anymore adores. I can’t even think of anyone in the You’re just a fucking token for Dubywa’s States that’s has as much fanatical love In the middle of November, a few arcade as this dude. There’s even a fan site that volunteer teachers and I were in the capitol Dear secretary of war went as far as to list his blood type for all FLW\ RI .XQPLQJ rock music. The Chinese have traded civil unrest a good DJ. This was an extra treat for me I hadn’t seen a show since I’ve been in against their red government for a more because in Huarong the closest thing to bar- China and I was beyond stoked. open economy. As an American, I’m not like establishments are the karaoke joints- Just because we all look alike doesn’t shocked that money trumps ideas, nor am which I’m not about to patronize since I’d mean that China has a scene that is I surprised that there aren’t more folks like to leave China without having to sing a anywhere near the likes of Japan. Only speaking out against these shenanigans. single Celine Dion track. a handful of Chinese urban cities have While I doubt that the bands I saw that The Speakeasy Bar was unlike any I had communities resembling independent night owned any Fifteen records, I didn’t seen in China. We climbed down stairs and music. And the long history with care just as long as they kept cranking the paid 15 kuai to get in and I was reminded of communism doesn’t really encourage same three well-worn chords and singing LA’s hipster dive, Little Joy in Echo Park. anything of the independent type- through a fuzzy PA. 13

We were lucky to arrive just in time to VZHDW\DWD OLWHUDO XQGHUJURXQGVKRZ WKHEDU :HÀDLOHGDQGMHUNHGRXUXQVREHUERGLHVWR VHH WKH ¿UVW EDQG ZUDS XS WKHLU VHW ZLWK D LVEHQHDWKDQDERYHJURXQGVWRUHIURQW  1HZ3DQWVD%HLMLQJ'HYRLQÀXHQFHGWULR soft rock ballad. No matter how long it’s 7KH¿QDOEDQGEURXJKWGRZQWKHKRXVH whose keyboardist was wearing tight yellow been since I’ve seen a band play, I don’t with their straight away metal and black- Bruce Lee sweatpants that almost forced us think I can ever appreciate the rocker- clad lead singer. Their sheer loudness to yank down. We didn’t care that the rest of perched-atop-a-barstool aesthetic a la Bon pumped the crowd, who thrusted their the Chinese audience only swayed slightly I nearly peed myself when the opening chords to Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” shot from their amps.

-RYLDQG5LFKLH6DPERUDGRLQJDQDFRXVWLF double-pointed devil salute to rock’n’roll at the zip-zap electro beats, while we looked set. Within minutes the second band set LQWRWKHVPRNH¿OOHGDLUDIWHUHDFKVRQJ, like manic American chimps. XS ZLWK WKH XWPRVW &KLQHVH HI¿FLHQF\ DOO nearly peed myself when the opening chords I had been so overwhelmed with settling GUXPPHUV SOD\HG WKH KRXVH VHW  7KHLU to Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” shot from into China that I didn’t have time to miss music was generic, mediocre pop-punk WKHLUDPSV7KDWZDVRQHRIWKH¿UVWULIIVWKDW the shaken soda-can energy of a show. interspersed with covers of Blink 182 and I taught myself back when I began to learn Waiting for the band to play your favorite Green Day. There were like the Chinese the rock. song so that you can pop the top off the can embodiment of every underwhelming punk Days later, when I was given a surprise and shove-dance with a nearby stranger band that I’ve seen play in garages and week-long vacation because the kids were who is possessed with the same explosion basements in the States. How you can fuck taking mid-terms, I found myself in a RI XQWDPHG MR\  7KH ¿]]LQJ DQG SRSSLQJ up a Blink 182 song is beyond me, but they Shanghai hostel being invited to another spilling everywhere. How could I have did it and I relished every off-key chord that show by an English dude who pulled out forgotten how much I love that? was strummed. D FUXPSOHG À\HU IURP KLV PHVVHQJHU EDJ After those nights of sweating beneath ,SOLHGP\ZD\WKURXJKWRWKHIURQW¿QDOO\ That night at the 4-Live Fabrique club, I met low lights and loud guitars, I remembered. forgetting that I was stuck in another Chinese a girl, Jessie from Chicago, who bought me crowd and that instead I was just a kid getting shots of vodka because she liked my glasses. –Amy Adoyzie

“Everyone’s THEI’M DINGHOLE AGAINST REPORTS IT inhaling RHYTHM CHICKEN DQQ\GNKMG oxygen!” Aaaaaaah, Wisconsin!

7KH'LQJKROH5HSRUWV %\WKH5K\WKP&KLFNHQ I pulled out my ruckus logs &RPPHQWDU\E\)UDQFLV)XQ\XQV [Edited by Dr. Sicnarf] and beat upon my chickenkit T8QHPSOR\PHQW XQHPSOR\PHQW unemployment! Well… partial as if it were a baby seal! unemployment, anyway. I guess this would EHD¿WWLQJZD\WRIROORZXSWKHLQWURWRP\ They it last installment (which was “Work, work, loved ZRUN´ IRU WKRVH RI \RX ZKR PLVVHG FODVV  Two months ago you heard me whining even re! about having to work too much and having mo no time for ruckus, while dabbling with the questionable experiment known as “sobriety.” (Well, thank god someone pulled you 5K\WKP&KLFNHQVLJKWLQJ Well, a lot has changed in two months. off of that wagon you were on last time! I Every Fall Fest hosts a late autumn With the end of October comes the end PHDQUHDOO\DVREHU5K\WKP&KLFNHQLVOLNH parade on Saturday morning. Two years of the tourist season here in northeastern D6.,11<6$17$)) ago this parade saw snow. This year saw Wisconsin. My main job closes its doors no snow, but the temps were just above the until next spring, and I’m left working only [I do hope this is leading towards some freezing point. By now you should know my my part-time job through the winter months. most unruly ruckus. Some Blamms-fueled particular fondness for crashing small town In these parts, I’m quite lucky to have a part- ruckus, perhaps? - Dr. S.] parades. There’s no registration, no sign-in, time job through the winter. Last month I was QRRI¿FLDODGPLVVLRQRIDQ\VRUWpaycheck as we watch all the Chicago folks holding up a huge kite-thing crafted to look moon! I bellied up to the bar in late October fall down. Sister Bay can stave off being a like a white dove facing forward. There I to have Dave the bartender pose me with ghost town for one more week. I get to hold ZDVLQWKHEDFNRI5XFNXV7KRPDV¶SLFNXS a most perplexing decision, “What’ll it be, off collecting partial unemployment for one truck facing backwards, face to face with Chicken? Blatz or Hamms?” I scratched the more week. the white dove of peace. I was wearing my JURXQGIUDQWLFDOO\LQDVRPHZKDW³5DLQPDQ´ black Ed Gein shirt. Bring on the parade! fashion until I found my beak squawking out (Okay, the creation of Blamms and a As we slowly crept into the parade “B…B…Bl…Bla…BLAMMS!” Without festival? The ruckus potential is so thick, I URXWH WKH ¿UVW WKLQJ E\VWDQGHUV VDZ ZDV batting an eye, Dave spun around and FDQFXWLWZLWKDERWWOHRSHQHU)) the neon orange warning sign on the truck’s prepared my Blamms. And so the “Sister front grill. It showed a chicken head with Bay Half-and-Half” was born. Blamms, it’s its eyes X’ed out and read “Warning! Bird what’s for breakfast! 'LQJKROH5HSRUW5XFNXV%HWZHHQ Flu!” I was hoping for an altercation with WKH5HGDQG*UHHQ Homeland Security, but, obviously, they Photo by Dan Eggert 19 have no interest in wholesome small town of rental bowling shoes. It graced the front indeed rolling! The Nicks are in one corner parades. I started up my hometown ruckus, page of the local paper’s next entertainment playing this special event as well. Everyone rolling my barrel of rhythmic mayhem right section. My attempts to shock and offend came out of the woodwork for this one. The down the main drag, inch by chaotic inch! were met with smiles and jubilee. [sigh] place was packed and throbbing with local The few locals along the parade route knew We hauled my beaten chickenkit one excitement, mass alcohol consumption, and my shtick and roared along with my ruckus. mile north up to JJ’s La Puerta. JJ’s wasn’t stress release of the highest magnitude! 7KHWKRXVDQGVRIWRXULVWV IHVWLYDOFUDVKHUV  quite yet full, but the place still needed 5XFNXV 5\DQ OHQW KLV KHOS DIWHU ZH were the ones shocked at such wily tom- ruckus. After setting up in the back corner, ¿QLVKHG RXU SLWFKHUV RI %ODPPV :H foolery, but soon embraced the northwoods I pulled on my chickenhead to the growing snatched the smoldering chickenkit from lunacy as another quaint small town antic. cheers of the crowd. I pounced on the skins my trunk and forced our way into the tavern, Some locals along the route were yelling out and beat out a most wild set of ruckus rock! through the sardined crowd, and directly to to Hojon in the front seat, or running up to I pulled out the ruckus logs to their gasps the front of the Nicks’ stage. They took a KDQG5XFNXV7KRPDVDEHHUZKLOHKHZDV and shrieks! My ruckus was met with wild break as we set up my tools of mayhem. The GULYLQJ $DDDDDDK :LVFRQVLQ  , P\VHOI applause as I raised my ruckus logs to the tavern full of neighbors and friends began to ZDV KDYLQJ ÀDVKEDFNV RI EHLQJ RQ D ERDW ceiling, nearly smashing the chili-propped squeeze nearer to the action. I pulled on my RQ WKH 5LYHU (OEH LQ 'UHVGHQ *HUPDQ\ ceiling fan and hanging sombreros! Before chickenhead to wild applause, yet again. rocking my ruckus to thousands of drunken, my ruckus got too out of hand, Dave handed I had saved my most powerful pocketful IHVWLYH.UDXWVRQWKHVKRUHOLQHDQGEULGJHV me a pitcher of Blamms. He had tamed the of ruckus-rock for this particular gig! I wasn’t at Stadtfest. Almost losing touch with reality, savage beast! The late-season tourists’ lives wasting it on yuppie Chicago scum, no sir! I I was remotely feeling like Billy Pilgrim in were spared, this time. gave the throbbing crowd a hard, full dose of Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse 5. Dresden? DEVROXWHUXFNXV$UPVÀDLOHG(DUVERXQFHG 6LVWHU%D\"5DGHEHUJHU"%ODPPV" (Excuse me, Mr. Schizophrenic Chicken, 'UXPVWLFNV ZHUH D EOXU DV UXFNXV ¿OOHG WKH but this sounds just like your Fall Fest gigs air! The place exploded with wild hoots and 'LQJKROH 5HSRUW  7KH )DOO )HVW from two years ago. It sounds like you were hollers! I pulled out the ruckus logs and they Tavern Tour ‘06! simply adored. Dare I say you are becoming raised it up a notch! Another hard-workin’ 5K\WKP&KLFNHQVLJKWLQJV  the Blink-182 of… of… of whatever it is tourist season had come to an end and true Late that same Saturday night, the \RXGR")) ruckus was ours! Once again, I gave in to the WDYHUQV RI 6LVWHU %D\ DOO WKUHH RI WKHP  powers of chaos and had yet another out-of-

Do you remember the parade in Animal House? It could happen here anytime (and still may!).

were packed with folks attempting that /,67(1+(5()81<816<28&$1 body experience. Billy Pilgrim was now in “fall-down” thing. I had already performed *2 6+29( 7+80%7$&.6 83<285 some wild chicken cage match! I stood up from in that day’s parade and worked a full shift ',1*+2/(<$6/,&.6/$&.,1¶+27 P\RSSRQHQWVJUDEEHGP\ÀRRUWRPDQGZLWK at one job, but I wasn’t going to pass up the SNOT! My chaos shall not be tamed! My both hands raised it high above my head! They UXFNXV SRWHQWLDO KHUHLQ 5XFNXV 7KRPDV WKXQGHUVKDOOQRWEHVTXHOFKHG5XFNXVZLOO 52$5(',VPDVKHGLWGRZQRQWRWKHUHVWRI helped me haul my chickenkit through rule all! Your hoosh-wash will not stand! P\FKLFNHQNLW7KH\52222222$5(', the thick, drunken crowd at the Sister Bay dove onto the remains of my beaten chickenkit Bowl. The lanes in back were closed down [What I want to know is why you don’t and thrashed about! This was maximum and transformed into a stage for local folk- just have another “locals only” Fall-down chaos! ThisZDV0$;,080+855$<7KH rockers the Nicks. Hauling my chickenkit Fest on the next weekend? - Dr. S.] SUHVVXUHFRRNHUKDG¿QDOO\EORZQ7KHVHDVRQ through the crowd of drunken Chicago was done. Large amounts of Blamms carried folks in a house of bowling made my Billy Think, Sicnarf. If we did that, the tourists us into the rest of that festive Sunday night. Pilgrim think he was back at Chicago’s would just invade that one as well, pushing Billy was back home. Fireside Bowl. our hard labor even deeper into the winter I found the perfect stage to the left of months! However, we have found a working >8KWKDWZDVFRRODQGDOO0U&KLFNHQ WKH ODQHV LQGXFLQJ ÀDVKEDFNV WR .R]¶V solution. The recent local tradition is for us but what’s all this about chipping teeth and Mini-Bowl in Milwaukee. I set up directly to silently meet at JJ’s on that Sunday night, kinking necks? - Dr. S.] in front of the rack of bowling shoes! I after the last tourist scum has headed south. couldn’t dream of a better backdrop for 7KH%ODPPVÀRZVOLNHZLQHDVZHDOOOHWRII Well, a week later I ran into a local friend. my late-night rhythms! Confused out-of- a full season of steam in one wild Sunday She was in the front row that chaotic night towners grew irate with my forced intrusion night. This is the new “real” Fall-down Fest! and received a chipped tooth in the mass on their space, until I pulled on the dirty, confusion, along with a kink in her neck. graying chickenhead. They remembered 'LQJKROH 5HSRUW   )DOOLQJ 'RZQ When her doctor asked how she got it she me from the parade and the place grew &KLSSLQJ7HHWKDQG.LQNLQJ1HFNV FDOPO\VDLG³2KWKH5K\WKP&KLFNHQKLWPH anxious. Before I hit one drum, I raised my 5K\WKP&KLFNHQVLJKWLQJ with one of his drums.” I felt bad for having wings skyward and the place erupted with Sunday night of Fall Fest is most injured a local (as opposed to some yuppie applause! Oh, this was too easy. I began anticipated! I showed up and had to squeeze &KLFDJR VFXP  EXW VKH LQVLVWV LW ZDV ZHOO pounding out my circus of chaos, trying to myself into the crowded La Puerta’s. I look worth the fun of being part of the ruckus! drum as offensively as possible, but they around the cram-packed tavern and I know Now if you’ll excuse me, one Miss still loved it. I pulled out my ruckus logs everyone, and everyone is inhaling booze Montana Wildhack is waiting for me back and beat upon my chickenkit as if it were a OLNH R[\JHQ 0\ ZLQWHU ERVV 5\DQ QRZ on planet Tralfamadore. baby seal! They loved it even more. A local NQRZQ DV 5XFNXV 5\DQ  DQG , DUH VRRQ photographer captured a priceless shot of both holding pitchers of the “Sister Bay –Rhythm Chicken me with my ruckus logs in front of the wall Half-and-Half,” and the good times are [email protected] 21 “A turd I’MI’M AGAINSTAGAINST ITIT squared, DESIGNATED DALE if you will.” IMAGINATION DOESN’T RUN ON BATTERIES

Greetings to all you hung down heathens 1998 version of Psycho. I think that if Alfred roles that suit him better, like humping up out in rock’n’roll land. I’m quickly bearing Hitchcock was among us today, he’d put on Halle Berry against the couch (as seen in down on birthday number thirty-seven as I GRZQKLV¿QHFKLQDFRIIHHFXSJHWXSDQG Monsters Ball  Gtype away on this column for the upcoming give director Gus Van Sant a hearty bitch 'XULQJWKH¿OPJRLQJFURZGVJRW issue. Now, to some, thirty-seven is some slap across his face for commandeering to go sit through the muck entitled House of old fuck who’s a million miles away from such a ridiculous attempt. The only thing Wax, the oh-so cleverly picture stolen from their own age pool (Enjoy it hotshots; that bothered me more about this weak-ass the classic Vincent Price original over some WZHQW\¿YHFRPHVVRRQHUWKDQ\RXNQRZLW  YHUVLRQ LV WKDW -DPHV 5HPDU ZKR SOD\HG ¿IW\ \HDUV SULRU ,I \RX KDYHQ¶W VHHQ WKH Others may see thirty-seven as not too far in Ajax in The Warriors^PRUHRQWKLV¿OPODWHU RULJLQDO¿OPWKHQ\RXUKRUURU¿OPYLHZLQJ the distant future, and others may see that RQ` KDGDVPDOOSDUWLQLW&¶PRQ5HPDU schedule has a sizeable hole in the middle of age as their current bracket when they stop things couldn’t have been that slow. And it. Like almost all of Price’s movies, House and think about it, give or take a few years. strike one for Vince Vaughn, not to say he of Wax is right up there with his involvement Then there’s the other sect that’s beyond hasn’t starred in some whoppers recently. in the 1958 über-classic, The Fly (which was that, like a whole lot of reformed bands that Nineteen-ninety-eight was also the year also re-done in 1986 with Jeff Goldblum as are giving it the old college try, yet again that the battered corpse of Godzilla was dug WKH JRU\ ³%UXQGOHÀ\´  7KH RQO\ SRVLWLYH \HVSXQNURFNRXW¿WVLQFOXGHG  up and shoved back onto the silver screen to thing worth cheering for in the redeux of Don’t get feisty now, cocko—this isn’t be force-fed to the masses. For chrissakes, House of Wax is watching Paris Hilton’s going in the direction of some jaded tangent LW¶V )HUULV %XHOOHU 0DWWKHZ %URGHULFN  character get offed. It’s such a shame that on how some bands and/or artists (young or as the doctor and a computer-generated life can’t imitate art. ROG  VKRXOG JHW RII WKH VWDJH 3HRSOH KHDU Godzilla that strips away all the campy fun Another less-than-weak attempt at enough of that shit already, including from from the original Japanese motion pictures. the horror business was in 2003 with yours truly’s lips. What I wanna dig into here No close ups of trays of water simulating the dragging out of The Texas Chainsaw has nada to do with age. See, this particular the ocean. No close ups of wooden, small- Massacre. Listen, I don’t give two shits what WLUDGHDQGVWLIIPLGGOH¿QJHUJRHVRXWWRDOO scale towns being stomped upon by rubber/ anyone says—the original 1974 version those producers and screenwriters who have foam-cast rubber prop puppets with an arm with Toby Hooper in the director’s chair gone beyond the point of lazy. Those who up their ass. Just pure computerized crap gave it that uncomfortable and realistically VHH ¿W WR WDNH VRPH RI WKH PRVW EHORYHG that leaves nothing to the imagination. And disturbing feeling. Gunnar Hansen as motion pictures in history, wolf ‘em down like the ‘98 Psycho, there’s an even greater Leatherface didn’t hurt, either, but the whole like greasy burgers, let ‘em brew inside downer involving this version of Godzilla: ZD\WKHPRYLHZDVDFWXDOO\¿OPHGJDYHLW their untalented intestinal tracts for a spell, two voices of The Simpsons appeared in it— that nauseous, in-the-pit-of-your-stomach and shit ‘em out all over audiences like poo Harry Shearer and Hank Azaria. Boo. Hiss. IHHOLQJ VRPHWKLQJ 5RE =RPELH¶V EHHQ hailing from the sky. And then they’ve got One of my favorite movies from the unsuccessfully trying to rip off with his go the audacity to call ‘em “modern versions” ‘70s was The Bad News Bears, and little DW ¿OPPDNLQJ WKH ODVW WZR WLPHV DURXQG or “classic re-makes.” did I even imagine that almost thirty years The Hang Your Head in Shame Award goes In grade school it was bad enough when later, Hollywood decided to spew forth a WR5/HH(UPH\ZKRSOD\V6KHULII+R\WLQ we (and don’t lie—most of us did it— some FUDSWDFXODU YHUVLRQ LQFOXGLQJ JXOS  %LOO\ the ‘03 Texas turkey. Most will remember PRUHWKDQRWKHUV XVHGWRFRS\DQVZHUVRII Bob Thornton as Coach Buttermaker. I Ermey as the overly pissed Gunny Sgt. other kids’ papers in class, right? Well, these mean, come on—the original was a national +DUWPDQ LQ 6WDQOH\ .XEULFN¶V Full Metal “re-makes” are the equivalent of copying hit, especially out here in Los Angeles where Jacket that was released in 1987. said classmate’s answers and writing it down the storyline took place. This movie was a This year, the 2006 version of The incorrectly on top of it. A turd squared, if perfect example of, “If it ain’t broke, don’t Hills Have Eyes came almost thirty years \RX ZLOO 5XLQLQJ WKLQJV EH\RQG UHSDLU ¿[LW´,¶PVXUH%UDQGRQ&UX] 'U.QRZ  after its graphically creepy 1977 original. Let’s make it clear: there have been some re- would agree with me when I say this. And for All I gotta say is shame on you to whoever hashed Hollywood classics that have stood those of ya who are wondering why I would ZDVLQYROYHGZLWKWKLV¿OPLQFOXGLQJ:HV out on their own, yet these are few and far bring up the name of Mr. Cruz, it’s because Craven, the O.G. director and writer of the between, and I’d think most reading here he played Joey Turner, the pitcher on the ’77 version. Word is he helped produce this ZRXOGDJUHH%XWWKHUHDUHVRPHWKDWDUHÀDW opposing team of the Bears. The quotes and glistening stool sample. Pee-yew. That’s like out wrong, that should’ve been printed on one-liners from the original are hysterical; bringing the models back of the 1967-‘69 35mm 2-ply paper, if you get my drift. it’s the kind of humor that most PC-types Chevy Cameros as hybrids. Fuck you. I’ll start with the obvious choice that ZRXOG¿QGGLVWXUELQJWKHVHGD\V%LOO\%RE One so-called “re-make” that I puts a weird look on everyone’s face: the is no Walter Matthau and should stick to couldn’t believe was even happening until I’m really not looking forward to seeing what’s coming to the moviehouses in the next few years. As much as I love the guy and what he’s done for the world of radio, I can’t exactly understand why Howard Stern is LQVLVWLQJRQJRLQJWKURXJKZLWKKLVRZQ¿OP production renditions of Rock ‘N Roll High School and Porky’s. Porky’s was one of the ¿UVWRYHUVH[HGKLJKVFKRROFRPLQJRIDJH romps in the early ‘80s. Casting the now- grown actors and actresses from the TV series Saved by the Bell to star in it? What’s Stern thinking? I can see it now: Screech as Pee Wee warbling “We’re gonna get laid!” God, please, no. RNRHS is a Corman cult classic in its own right and to even consider a re-make is FLQHPDWLF EODVSKHP\ 5RJHU &RUPDQ ¿OPV are in a league of their own, period. What band would Howard even consider to play WKHSDUWRIWKH5DPRQHV":LWKKLVWDVWHLQ bands, let’s not even fucking go there. Like I said, his genius is in radio, and the only cool thing he ever did on the big screen was his DXWRELRJUDSKLFDO¿OPPrivate Parts. What he should be in pre-production on is where Private Parts left off to the present. That’d make for some good viewing. 5XPRUVRIWKHWREHUHOHDVHG³UHPDNH´RI the 1979 classic The Warriors is going to hit theatres has folks buzzing with who?/what?/ where?/why?/how? questions out the wazoo. I’ve heard the script for this upcoming bomb has been through so many changes that actual people and full gangs that were in the original have been drastically edited out. At this point, I don’t even want it to come out, and not for P\RZQVHO¿VKUHDVRQVEXWEHFDXVHLWZLOO truly suck dicks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plain and simple. For instance, the word is that they were actually considering that big, crossed-eyed lummox Shaquille O’Neal for the part of Cyrus. Are you out of your fucking tree? Shaq Fu? The “star” of the 1996 monstrosity Kazaam? Check, please! Another thing they were considering (and VWLOO DUH , KHDUG  LV EDVLQJ WKH VWRU\ QRW LQ the NYC area, but somewhere around here in the Los Angeles area. What subways are they gonna race to and jump on? Our stripped-

Illustration by Rafael Avila Illustration Rafael by down train service known as the Metrorail? They gonna chase each other on motorcycles in the downtown rush hour or atop horses on the beaches? I mean, what the fuck, Hollywood? Pull your heads out, get some writers and I actually saw the commercials, was The It’s all jive, mang, along with the river developers who are really into their jobs, and 3LQN3DQWKHU Don’t get me wrong; Steve RI SXNH WKDW ÀRZV ZLWK WKH FKXQNV RI 79 get cracking. You’d be surprised how much Martin was the guy to star in the hilarious shows jumping to the big screen. What the you can get from someone who actually likes 1979 movie The Jerk, but to star as hell is that all about? Do I really need to see their job. All great things start with a good Peter Seller’s character in a washed-over Wilmer Valderrama as Poncherello in an imagination, and last I checked, imagination “modern version” of the 1963 original? upcoming motion picture based on ChiPs? doesn’t run on batteries. Your “classic re- Leave it be, dumbasses. Martin hasn’t Yes, you heard me—Fez from That 70’s Show PDNHV´DQG³PRGHUQYHUVLRQV´RISDVW¿OP made a laugh-out-loud movie in years and will be playing the part of that man-whore greats are your batteries, Hollywood. And he really needs to get his shit together to Ponch. I’d like to meet the brainstorming sooner or later, all batteries wear out. GRZKDWKHGRHVEHVW$QGDGGLQJ.HYLQ visionary that cooked this one up. Way to .OLQH WR WKH FDVW RI FKDUDFWHUV GRHVQ¶W go, Hollywood. Making a ChiPs movie is as -I’m Against It authenticate this straight-to-VHS tanker challenging as some of these “daring,” real- –Designated Dale any more than adding Steve Martin. If OLIHSROLFHRI¿FHUVZKRVLWSDUNHGLQQHDUO\ [email protected] anything, it knocks ‘em both down a undetectably visual spots with radar guns. notch; know what I mean? You should both be proud of yourselves. 23

“When is I’M AGAINST IT nudity WHO ARE YOU? necessary in rock‘n’roll?” Nardwuar vs.Feist the Human Serviettet

Nardwuar: Who are you? have them sympathize with me as kind of for this show then everybody will want us to Feist: I am Feist. wide-eyed oh-my-God-what’s-happening get naked for every show we do!” Nardwuar: Feist, tell me, is it true that you and yet somehow getting with it. That’s Feist: Well, that’s the thing. When are responsible for making Justine from what any audience member would do if they someone’s opening who’s taken it to another Elastica show her underwear in public? got up on the stage with Peaches. They’d level, if you try to follow them you’re going Feist: I’m probably one of the few people wanna be game, they’d wanna be in it, but WRIDOOÀDWULJKWRQ\RXUIDFHlittle more, jeans that were so low-slung, but I was there Nardwuar: Now Feist, I was wondering a little more titillation. Peaches is intelligent when she was gyrating around, wearing a what are the recommendations to the people that way. She’s not doing it in the Playboy WWF-style metal wrestling belt that was up out there who want to be the hype-man simplicity style. on her waist and her jeans were down a little or hype-woman? What do you say? Like Nardwuar: I understand that after you got bit lower. And then all of a sudden there was during Peaches, you’ll be like, “What’s up, up on stage there, after Da Bloody Gashes, thong. There was thong! Peaches?” What are the words you use to be you guys fake stripped. Like you wore Da Nardwuar: And this is when you were a hype-person? Bloody Gashes tank tops. Do you remember playing with Peaches. Feist: Well, I think that one of the most doing that? Feist: Yeah! Actually, that show was a important things is that you can’t get too Feist: Oh my God! You’re opening portals Daddy Szigeti/Feist duo bill. We did a attached to the microphone. You have to in my memory with creaky, rusty hinges! cross-Canada tour where we shared a band do a lot of miming. You have to do a lot of Like, I could barely open those portals. featuring The World Provider—who I know physical hyping. You’ve gotta leave the mic Nardwuar: So that kind of comes back or that you’ve recently done an interview to the person who has the voice box, the not really? with—who is playing tonight as well in person who’s there to deliver their message: Feist: It sort of does because then I think I Vancouver. It was our homecoming show at Peaches being that person. So a lot of the owned that tank top for a while, but I don’t the Ted’s downstairs/ Collision/ Wrecking time I would purposely take the cable out think I could remember... Yard/ whatever in Toronto. Peaches and of my microphone and then do the hyping Nardwuar: Feist, is it true you really have Gonzales were in town, too, and they without any microphone, but with the prop IRXU-XQRV &DQDGLDQ*UDPP\V " crashed the party. They basically literally microphone; leave the talking to the woman Feist: It’s true. My mom has a little soccer team just showed up and did some songs with us who’s there to deliver the goods. going on the mantle at her house in Calgary. and then three hours after that it turned into Nardwuar: Feist, do you remember doing a Nardwuar: Like, that is pretty impressive. a smorgasbord. Peaches, Gonzales, Taylor gig with Da Bloody Gashes? How the hell did that happen? Savvy, Feist, Bitch Lap-Lap, and Elastica Feist: No. Feist: Because I’m part of this band called were in town so they got in on it, too. Nardwuar: This is a gig that Peaches played Broken Social Scene and they just keep Nardwuar: So how did that feel, turning with Da Bloody Gashes and what I wanted tossing Junos at them. around and looking and did you look at to ask you about is nudity and rock‘n’roll. I Nardwuar: Oh come on. Also yourself! Justine from Elastica? Like, her underwear? understand they were opening for Peaches, Feist: Okay, yeah, those too. And I think it actually fell down a bit too, they got nude, and then you guys decided Nardwuar: I loved it at the Junos a couple didn’t it? “Wow! Do we need to get nude?” When is years ago where you stopped playing or Feist: I think there was not very much Elastica nudity necessary in rock‘n’roll? WKHUHZDVVRPHNLQGRIWHFKQLFDOGLI¿FXOW\ in the elastic of her elasticated thong. Feist: Oh, I see! It’s slowly coming back to wasn’t there? I love it! I’m sorry. I didn’t Nardwuar: Feist, what was your role exactly me! There were a lot of hi-jinx at those early mean to say I loved for you to go through in Peaches? Like, were you the hype-man? gigs. Those art gallery, underground, after- with that, but I loved the emotion that was Were you the hype-man? hours gigs. shown. You just went on with it. Feist: If I had had an enormous clock I Nardwuar: Let me just set the stage. So Da Feist: It was so extreme that it couldn’t be wear around my neck, that’s the sort of Bloody Gashes are up there, they kind of anything but funny. I mean, I think there character I would have been playing. I was get naked, and you’re in the audience with were 20,000 people in the arena, and then the representative of the audience on stage. Peaches and you think, “Hmm, do we get there were a million, billion, kazillion I was there to sympathize with them and to naked for the show? ‘Cause if we get naked watching the TV and then all of a sudden, Illustration by Mitch Clem the P.A. explodes and starts to make Feist: 8K -DFN 6SLFHU LV D SRHW$QG KH¶V DYLGHR%XWDVORQJDVLW¶VQRWEXWWHUÀ\SLQV airplane crashing noises and everyone starts erotic I guess, probably because he’s a human in the corkboard, I’m okay to be collected. screaming because of what’s going on. And who had the full range of human abilities. But [Nardwuar get motioned to wrap up I kept playing and everyone’s running... I can’t say especially why he would be more the interview] This is good. I can set the record straight erotic than any other poet or person. Feist: [to Gary the label rep] You don’t have QRZ ¿QDOO\ 1RZ¶V P\ FKDQFH 7KH 3$ Nardwuar: Leslie Feist, who is to tap his shoulder. I’d stick with Nardwuar exploded and apparently there’s a broadcast Clement Greenberg? for, like, months. This is like… I’ve been mix and there’s an in-the-place-where-I-am Feist: Oh, Clement Greenberg is an art critic waiting years for this, but thanks Gary. mix and I had no way to know that on the from New York City. Or at least he was residing Nardwuar: Feist, Leslie Feist, lastly. Can broadcast mix nothing had gone wrong. But and working in New York, who I suppose, in a you please tell me the importance of the in TV land people were eating their popcorn strange way, was my father’s mentor. BeeGees and Little House on the Prairie? none the wiser to what was going on. But Nardwuar: He’s a very famous art critic. Feist: 8K WKHUH¶V QRW PXFK LPSRUWDQFH WR meanwhile, just under my vision, there were And your father’s a very famous artiste. me personally to the BeeGees. Except for all the techs running, freaking, running, like Can you explain a bit about your father Grease. I loved Grease when I was a kid. It yelling, screaming, tossing cables at each being an artiste? Like, being collected by was always Star Wars or Grease—you had to other. And then, all of a sudden, they all Clement Greenberg, who is one of the most pick your team—and I was always a Grease stopped and it was like slow motion, like in famous art collectors in the world. Your dad NLG,QIDFWRQDUHFHQW$LU)UDQFHÀLJKWWKH\ a movie where everything just slows down is collected. showed Grease and I was in heaven for those and I thought, “Well, they stopped, so I Feist: Yeah, my dad, uh... two hours. But Little House on the Prairie’s guess we must not be live to air anymore.” Nardwuar: Not that you’re not collected. a whole different story. Like, I don’t know So I stopped sort of calmly. And everyone’s Are you collected? if it’s warped or positive, but my childhood screaming. Nothing musical’s happening Feist: Well, I’m not quite the vintage to was formed by the Engels. Like, there I anymore. So I leaned in to the guy down be collected yet. But no, my dad, he was a was, living in Calgary with my single mom there and said, “So what, you guys stopped?” painter. And for whatever reason, Clement and, all of a sudden, I was Laura Engels in And he looks up at me with these big eyes Greenberg took a shine to him and came my imagination. I don’t know if it’s good to and [whispers] “No, we’re still live” with by his studio. I wasn’t born yet but there dream so far away from your reality. these beautiful eyes. ‘Cause if he had been are stories of my little brother in the high Nardwuar: Have you met any cast members panicking, I would have panicked. And I chair and Clem hanging out. I get the feeling from Little House on the Prairie? MXVWODXJKHGDQGJRWXSDQGWULHGWR¿QLVK that he was sort of my dad’s enabler; in the Feist: No, but I did date a guy in France for the song. But what pisses me off is that as way that someone can enable you to feel awhile who looks uncannily like Charles it went further west, they had the chance like you—like someone who you respect, Engels and when I realized that, it was over. for the further time zones, they cut it out understands what you’re doing—therefore, It was just too close to la maison. to look like I screwed up. They didn’t let full steam ahead. Nardwuar: Well, thanks very much for the moment have its moment to show that Nardwuar: You are collected though, aren’t your time, Feist. Anything else you want to it actually wasn’t my fault. Or at least give you Feist? You go to YouTube and there’s add for the people out there at all? people slight hints that it was not just me tons of videos. Do you feel collected? Or are Feist: No, but huge respect to Nardwuar messing up the song on national TV. there any instances where you feel collected? The Human Serviette. Nardwuar: Feist, are you erotic? Y’know, somebody has a lot of your stuff, Nardwuar: Well, thank you very much Feist, Feist:8P\HV seen a lot of your videos. Every gig that you really appreciate it. And keep on rockin’ in Nardwuar: What is erotic, Feist? What now do is being taped or something. the free world and doot doola doot doo... is erotic? Feist: Well, now it’s a little bit like when Feist: Doot doo! Feist: That’s something that does not require you see the cell phone being held up. In the a microphone or video camera. past I naïvely thought it was someone going, To hear this interview visit Nardwuar: Jack Spicer, who is Jack Spicer? “Jenny, check it out, it’s that song you played www.nardwuar.com And why is he erotic? me once!” But now I realize they’re making 27

“Thus began her infamous LAZY MICKRIDE THE DOG AI’M MONKEY AGAINSTTO IT squirrel SEAN CARSWELL experiments.” Relaxing at Camarillo

I’d been spending too much time in the Since the campus was no longer a mental saying, “If it wasn’t a dream, which I’m pretty confessional. I went mostly on Mondays hospital, I reckoned I had to take care of my VXUHLWZDVQ¶W,¿JXUHGLWPLJKWEHDJKRVW´ and Wednesdays. Those were my long days. PHQWDOKHDOWKRQP\RZQ,VHWRXWWR¿QGRXW This splintered Eric’s façade. He arched I taught a morning class and an evening LIWKHUHZDVDFRQIHVVRUDWDOO7KH¿UVWSHUVRQ his back and laughed. His bleached white class, and I lived too far away from school I needed to talk to was Eric. teeth glared in the sun. His lungs squeaked. to go home in between. I’d spend some (ULFKDVZRUNHG5RDGVDQG*URXQGVVLQFH He said, “That wasn’t a ghost. That was one IWLPHLQP\RI¿FHGRLQJZRUNFKDWWLQJZLWK the campus was still a funny farm. He knew of Dr. Francis’s squirrels.” my colleagues, reading, that kind of thing. every nook, cranny, and hiding place around. 8VXDOO\E\WZRR¶FORFN,¶GKDGHQRXJKRIDOO 6QLI¿QJKLPRXWZDVQ¶WWKHHDVLHVWWDVNginger, who’d though. Linda Delgado, university archivist, his right mind would think these confessionals learned the after hours secrets of women has her desk set up in the old jury box. were actually operational. Mostly, they’re used who spent their evenings in dive bars, who’d The Monday after Eric suggested I look to store school supplies: water-damaged copy surfaced on the other side worn and scarred, into the squirrels, I descended into the archives. machine paper, abandoned toner cartridges, but without regret. The face of a man who /LQGDVDWEHKLQGKHUGHVNLQWKHMXU\ER[5RZV oversized drawing pads covered in crayon always made it to work on Monday morning. IXOORIERRNVDQGVKHOYHVIXOORIER[HVÀDQNHG scratches, dried-out markers, loose paper clips, A wise face. Eric’s face. Nothing in the her. The archives were as spit-shined and tie- busted three ring binders, rubber bands. I’d immediate environment suggested that he had straightened as the long ago defendants who HYHQIRXQGDQROGFRQGRP VRLOHG LQRQHRIWKH DQ\5RDGVDQG*URXQGVEXVLQHVVWRWHQGWR³, stood trial here in previous decades. ERRWKVZKHQ,ZDV¿UVWGHFLGLQJZKLFKERRWK heard you wanted to see me,” he said. Linda didn’t look up when I walked in. She to nap in. So no one in his right mind would “I did,” I said, not asking him where he’d said, “Hello, Sean. What brings you down?” think to confess in this confessional. Then heard such a thing. I shook off the idea, in “I’m looking for stuff on Dr. Lois Francis. again, the occasional person out of his right fact. “It was something you said about ghosts You have anything?” mind wandered onto campus. This school rose on campus.” Linda smiled. Lipstick spread across coffee- from the ruins of an old state mental hospital. “What did I say about ghosts?” stained teeth. The smile was warm anyway. And, ten years ago, this confessional served all “I asked you once if you had any ghost “Been talking to squirrels?” she asked. the Catholic inmates. And I was sitting on the stories. You said, ‘I’ve seen some ghosts. “Huh?” priest’s side because priests get seats in their 0RVWO\ÀDVKHVRXWRIWKHFRUQHURIP\H\H¶´ Linda climbed out of the jury box and booths. Confessors have to kneel. I can sleep ³7KDW¶VWUXH0RVWO\TXLFNÀDVKHV´(ULF walked alongside the west wall. She waved for sitting up, especially with my neck brace, but cocked his head and stared at me out of his me to follow. “I remember Lois,” she said. “Most sleeping kneeling is out of the question. left eye. The way he always looked at me like of the staff thought she was batty. A few doctors Anyway, my eyes snapped open. I whipped that made me wonder if maybe he was blind even thought she was nuts. They didn’t use that off the neck brace and jumped out of the booth. in his right eye. term, of course. They called her something else. I jerked open the booth next door. It was empty. “Mostly?” I said. What was it?” She grabbed a two-foot stepladder 2UQRWHPSW\²IXOORIRI¿FHUHIXVH²EXWHPSW\ “Mostly,” he said. and set it under a group of boxes labeled “Francis, of anything with the capability to say, “Bless “‘Mostly’ suggests that maybe there was a 1997.” She took two steps up the ladder, stopped, me, Father, for I have sinned.” WLPHZKHQLWZDVQ¶WMXVWDÀDVKDQGPD\EH\RX DQGVQDSSHGKHU¿QJHUV³'LVDVVRFLDWLYHGLVRUGHU I decided that I’d dreamed it. didn’t see it out of the corner of your eye. ‘Mostly’ That’s what they called her. Anyways, they let her Since it wasn’t appropriate for a man suggests that you saw a ghost head on.” NHHSXSZLWKKHUUHVHDUFK,JXHVVWKH\¿JXUHG of my position to stand around in my white Eric stood stock still, his hands hooked on that, if she was on to something, then great, and Tiltwheel tour t-shirt that says, “Check me out. KLVEHOWKLVZRUNERRWVÀDWRQWKHJUDVV+H if she was crazy, well, she was in the right place I’m drunk,” I plucked my work shirt off the GLGQ¶WPRYHD¿QJHURUWRHRUZULQNOHLQKLV anyway.” Linda tugged the box halfway off the confessional door, buttoned up, and tucked in. cheek. “What’d you see?” he asked. shelf and said, “A little help?” I swear I heard someone laughing at me. I told him my confessional story, pretty I slid the box off the shelf and onto PXFKWKHZD\,WROGLWWR\RX2QO\,¿QLVKHGXS my shoulder. vary the times when they returned home and to always, before going home, consciously think, “Hello, pet. I’m coming home.” Forty- seven doctors, nurses, and maintenance workers participated in the experiment for two months. Dr. Francis reviewed the video WDSHVDIWHUWKRVH¿UVWWZRPRQWKV6KHIRXQG that, seventy-seven percent of the time, pets changed their typical behavior and spent more time in front of the front door for twenty minutes prior to their owners’ return. This ZDVLQWULJXLQJEXWQRWKLQJFORVHWRVFLHQWL¿F proof. So Dr. Francis did the experiment again. Only, this time—unbeknownst to her colleagues—she didn’t actually record the pets. She just asked the owners to keep a journal and make a notation on the days when they thought, “Hello, pet. I’m coming home.” She found that the owners made notations in their journals exactly seventy-seven percent of the time. This convinced her that a good possibility existed that we could talk to animals telepathically. And this is what led her into squirrels. Shortly after the administrators caught wind of Dr. Francis’s experiments, they put the kibosh on them. Dr. Francis returned to her rounds at the hospital and continued counseling patients. But she had an ally in 5RDGVDQG*URXQGV(ULFDQGKLVEHDJOHKDG participated in the experiments. In fact, the man and dog had become closer because of them. “We’ve never understood each other better,” he told Dr. Francis one sunny day as they drank coffee in the courtyard behind the main hospital. Dr. Francis told Eric about the kibosh. Eric decided that what she needed was some kind of easily accessible animal. Something that he could collect dozens of and no one would mind. Just then, an owl settled on the ledge of the bell tower above Eric and Dr. Francis. Eric followed the gaze of the owl to the top of a palm tree. A reckless squirrel skittered across a palm frond right in front of WKH RZO (ULF VQDSSHG KLV ¿QJHUV +H FRXOG easily trap thirty or forty of those squirrels, “There you go,” Linda said. “Happy reading.” to one another in a way that goes far beyond and there was an unused lab in the north quad I carried the box over to the desk on the the protein building instructions in the strands that he could set up for Dr. Francis. Thus witness stand and started wading through the of DNA. In other words, in the simplest terms, began her infamous squirrel experiments. SDSHUV$W¿UVW,UHDGIDVWEHFDXVHEDVHPHQWV cells talk to one another. They have ideas and I read about them for hours. I was in California usually scare me. I spend the make plans. And the best way to describe not convinced. whole time below ground thinking about this communication using the words we earthquakes and all that concrete and steel and have is “telepathy”—cells sending telepathic The next Wednesday, I returned to my ZRRG DQG IXUQLWXUH DQG ÀRRULQJ DQG FDUSHW messages to one another. confessional for the two o’clock siesta. and shingles and dirt that could fall on me. Dr. Francis was amazed by this notion. Again, at 2:30, my perfectly innocent dream The university archive usually compounds It played right into her mindset after years was interrupted with, “Bless me, Father, for matters. The ghost of the courtroom looms of studying Carl Jung and his ideas of the I have sinned.” Again, my eyes snapped open large. I keep waiting for the cross examination. &ROOHFWLYH 8QFRQVFLRXV 6KH OHIW WKH OHFWXUH and I whipped off my neck brace. I squinted I wonder if I’ll walk out a free man or be wondering: if humans can tap into religious, at the window between booths. The screen transported to lock-up. That Monday, though, social, and instinctual messages that exist was black, tarnished with generations of bad I was able to shake these ghosts and threats. beyond their actual bodies, and if cells can breath and rotten guilt. Through the opaque I spent about six hours reading through Dr. communicate telepathically, then humans can dusk, I swear I could see a twitching rodent Francis’s papers. All the pieces were scattered probably communicate in the same way. So nose. No, no, no, I thought. I’m not going to there. I had all I needed to reassemble them. she set up a series of experiments to test this. sit here and listen to some damn squirrel’s Apparently, toward the end of her career, First, she reasoned that the experimental confession. I stood to leave. A voice in my 'U )UDQFLV KDG JRQH WR VHH 'U 5XSHUW telepathy should occur between humans and head said, “Ass wad.” Sheldrake give a lecture at the Thousand Oaks animals so that body language and other forms I’m not sure what an “ass wad” is, and Civic Center. Dr. Sheldrake was a biologist of non-verbal communication wouldn’t get in I’ve never thought that before in my life. IURP &DPEULGJH 8QLYHUVLW\ ZKR HVSRXVHG the way. So she talked to her colleagues who I snatched my work shirt, buttoned up, the notion of “morphic resonance,” which, had pets. She asked the colleagues if she could tucked in, and started looking for a new place as far as I could tell, had something to do set up video cameras in their houses. This way, on campus for my naps. with communication on a cellular level. Dr. she could tape the reaction of the pets when I still don’t believe all this nonsense about Sheldrake argued that cells are able to build it was time for her colleagues to come home. telepathic squirrels. I do watch what I think forms and create organisms by communicating Her colleagues would be asked, in turn, to when I’m around Eric, though. –Sean Carswell 31

MYSTERIOUS WET Dan Monick's Photo Page “Chicago has I’M AGAINST IT been eliminat- POWERLAZYI POP MICKI POLICEI GFECWVGTK\GF neutered.” REV. NORBI I! CLAIM!! VICTORY!!!

That’s right! That’s right! As of up the tent pegs; moved to Wisconsin. I’ll IXFNRQWKH¿UVWGDWH«\RXNQRZWKLQJVOLNH December Nth, 2006 A.D (exact date too say that again, just in case there was some that)? Were both of us to remain quartered IDUSDVWGHDGOLQHWRPHQWLRQLQSULQW LRQ problem at the printer’s and those last few in our respective home states, the skirmish behalf of the cheesy mitten of Wisconsin, lines were obscured by some unfortunate would remain in stalemate; the score might FODLP),1$/9,&725<RYHUWKHÀDWODQGHUV blemish: BEN WEASEL NOW MAKES tilt a little bit this way and that based on Tto our south in the Wisconsin-Illinois border HIS HOME IN WISCONSIN, NOT some particularly wondrous achievement ZDU NLFNHG XS SULPDULO\ E\ P\VHOI  LQ ILLINOIS. or particularly sharp turn of phrase, but, all the pages of MaximumRockNRoll some in all, no clear advantage could be gained decade-plus years ago! I claim FINAL, We win. by either party. Essentially, the whole battle 81(48,92&$/ 127$.(%$&.6 reduces to a single surrender condition: 9,&725<LQWKHPDWWHU,GRQ¶WFDUHLIWKH The dynamic of the eternal Illinois- :KRPHYHULVWKH¿UVWWRVD\“okay, I give Bears are going to the Super Bowl and the Wisconsin feud, is, at root, a simple one up, where I live sucks, I’m moving to where Packers are going to some manner of pre- (or such is my view of it, being a simpleton YOU live”ORVHV%HQFUDFNHG¿UVWI WIN Vatican II Catholic hell in a foam rubber IURP :LVFRQVLQ  DQG KDV QRWKLQJ UHDOO\ (of course, he’s only living in Madison, cheese handbasket (and, you know what? to do with whether the Vindictives were so it’s not like he’s really in The Shit, as Even if this is the case, and, god forbid, uncool for releasing “Party Time For if he would have moved to Milwaukee, the Bears do make a run at that 10th World $VVKROHV´ ¿UVW DV D VLQJOH ´ WKHQ DV D Sheboygan or Green Bay, but, still. The Championship, we still win, because, when double 10” (then as a CD, then as a different income tax form says “WI,” it counts, he TV stations talk about the Packers’ various &' WKHQ DV D GRXEOH ¿YHLQFK &' SDFN loses, i win!  (UJR REJOICE! REJOICE years-o-glory, they invariably show the then as a sequence of eight-inch records I SAY! Haul your backwoods retard inbred eternally undying, grainy footage of Bart glued to the backs of Cap’n Crunch boxes, Cheesehead asses out into the dirt oxen Starr quarterback-sneaking into the south HWFHWFHWF )ODWODQGHUVVHH:LVFRQVLQDV paths which serve as the main thoroughfares end zone of Lambeau in thirteen-below- a state full of village idiots— uncultured of our great state, and make celebratory zero temperatures on New Year’s Eve 1967, drunken bumpkins talking far too loudly in VQRZ DQJHOV LQ \RXU ÀDQQHO KXQWLQJ FDSV followed up by the eternally undying shot of far too ridiculous an accent, far too stupid and dingy white longjohns!!! VICTORY IS DKHOPHWOHVV%UHW)DYUHUXQQLQJGRZQ¿HOG and provincial to realize that they live in a OURS, NOW AND FOREVER!!! We have like a nut in Super Bowl XXXI. When, backwater arctic wasteland. Cheeseheads proven, by our superior mettle that Chicago God forbid, the Bears rise to power again, view Chicago as a gigantic, festering hellpit is, now and forever, completely discredited the historical video snippets that will be of rude bastards who inexplicably endure as regards punk rock legitimacy! It is THEY SOD\HGZLOOEH,19$5,$%/<WKHHWHUQDOO\ unendurable urban congestion, and the fact ZKRKDYHZDYHGWKHZKLWHÀDJTHEY who undying footage of the highly arrhythmic that a 20-minute commute to work takes have succumbed to our inherently superior ‘85 Bears attempting some manner of Fred three hours there—a city full of pricks who national character! THEY who have tapped Sanford-inspired dance step in the “Super somehow subject themselves to clearly out to our collective beer-bellied abdominal %RZO6KXIÀH´YLGHR>ZKLFKLWVHOILVVDYHG subhuman living conditions day in and day VWUHWFK²RXU ¿JXUH IRXU ÀDEORFN²WKH from being the single lamest thing of the ‘80s out, too full of their own imagined superiority inescapable temple-pressure of THE IRON {a decade with no shortage of lame things, WRUHDOL]HWKDWVLWWLQJLQWUDI¿FIRUIRXUKRXUV CURD!!! Chicago has been eliminated; i assure you} simply because i remember D GD\ 68&.6 DQG WKDW SD\LQJ  IRU D cauterized; neutered. It will never factor into WKH $:$¶V ³:UHVWOH5RFN 5XPEOH´ YLGHR bleacher seat at Wrigley Field doesn’t exactly the discussion of punk rock again. The end. which was, unbelievable as this may sound, PDNH\RX-XUJXV5XWNXV WKHUHVWRI,OOLQRLV That said, let’s call the results of the “Best LQ¿QLWHO\ZRUVH^³Well I’m Nick Bockwinkel we dismiss as red-state-style corn farmers, Album of 2006” race a few weeks early! and I’m in a rage! I want that humanoid LQ FDVH \RX¶UH ZRQGHULQJ  7KHUHIRUH WKH And the winner is—“21st Century Power Hansen and I want him in a cage! On the ultimate test of wills—the meat of the matter, Pop Riot” by Chicago’s own Methadones! path to the title, I won’t stumble, ‘cause I’ll WKH ERQH RI FRQWHQWLRQ WKH 8/7,0$7( Well, thus endeth the thousand year Cheese- be doing the WrestleRock Rumble!!”}@@  BOTTOM LINE in the ‘90s IL v. WI Punk 5HLFK I mean, regardless of what arguments I don’t care if the Green Bay punk scene 5RFN%RUGHU6NLUPLVKZDVLVDQGDOZD\V you could make for the Marked Men’s “Fix KDVEHHQDWORZWLGHIRUWKHODVW¿YH\HDUV will be this: :KR ZLOO FUDFN ¿UVW %HQ RU My Brain” or similarly worthy contender, and counting, nor do i care that i’ve been Nørb? Will Weasel be able endure the soul- the lucid crackpot hipster has gotta vote WRR EXV\ ZLWK JDVS  QRQSXQN VWXII WR crushing, tear-your-hair-out aggravation for “21st &HQWXU\ 3RZHU 3RS 5LRW´ RQ even know if the Chicago scene sucks or of living in Chicago long enough to outlast general principle if nothing else! Since, by QRW WKHVH GD\V 1D\ P\ FODLP RI 877(5 5HY1¡UERUZLOODOLIHWLPHRIOLYLQJLQDQ apparent recent act of Congress, arguing 9,&725<²ZDLW VFUDWFK WKDW UDDER DUFWLFZDVWHODQG¿QDOO\FDXVH1¡UEWRZDYH DERXW PLQLVFXOH DVSHFWV RI 3XQN 5RFN 9,&725<²OLHV LQ RQH VDOLHQW IDFW %HQ WKH ZKLWH ÀDJ DQG VXFFXPE WR &KLFDJR¶V is no longer interesting, useful, or, most Weasel moved to Wisconsin. Yep. Pulled various allures (culture, nightlife, girls who importantly, able to really get people good and pissed off any more, i—emboldened by my recent triumph against my ancient enemies—hereby proclaim this THE DAWNING OF A NEW ERA! No longer shall scenesters prone to Deep Thought idly fritter their days discussing, dissecting, and discombobulating every microscopic aspect RIWKH5RFNFDOOHG3XQNAS OF 5:12 PM CST, DECEMBER Nth, 2006 A.D., WE SHALL, INSTEAD, IDLY FRITTER OUR DAYS DISCUSSING, DISSECTING, AND DISCOMBOBULATING EVERY MICROSCOPIC ASPECT OF THE ROCK CALLED POWER POP!!! And, DV P\ ¿UVW RI¿FLDO GXW\ DV &RPPLVVLRQHU of the Power Pop Police®, i accuse.. THE METHADONES!!! The charge? NOT LEADING OFF THEIR POWER POP TRIBUTE ALBUM WITH THEIR COVER OF “FULL MOON TURN MY HEAD AROUND” BY OFF BROADWAY!!! Worse, i further accuse the Methadones of NOT INCLUDING THE ³:( *27$ %($7 :( *27$ *22' *22'%($7´PART IN “FULL MOON TURN MY HEAD AROUND!” (The band is also accused of various other petty offenses, such as covering the ultra-uncool 6FDQGDODQGPHVVLQJXSWKHV\OODEL¿FDWLRQ of the “I’m lookin’ lookin’ lookin’ lookin’ lookin’ everywhere” part of Nick Lowe’s “Heart of the City.” However, i’m willing to spot them the Scandal cover because it’s kinda funny that “Goodbye To You” is also the name of a Screeching Weasel song, and i’ll spot Vapid the botch on “Heart of the City” because it would actually trouble me if he became highly rhythmic. I mean, do you wanna think about Dan Vapid playing Dance Dance Revolution? , VXUH WKH KHOO GRQ¶W¶  No “WE GOT A BEAT” part??? Santa, how COULD you??? Now, i realize that Mike Geek is the world’s self-proclaimed 2II%URDGZD\IDQDQGWKDWWKHRGGLWLHV in the Methadones’ version of “Full Moon” is likely taken from some obscure demo rarity version of the song, and, heck, i even Illustration by Travis T. Illustration Travis by realize that “Full Moon” didn’t even lead off (to the tune of “Skinhead Glory” by Iron Cross) the album it was originally on (which was, LQIDFWWLWOHG³2Q´ ²EXW*2''$00,7 “Full Moon” is one of THEE quintessential CHEESE—HEAD—GLORY!!! power pop opening songs of all time; essentially performing the function of Cheap Trick’s immortal “Hello There” plus (DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!) multiple other helpful functions besides! And the “WE GOT A BEAT!” part is, like, RQHRIWKHEHVWSDUWVRI$1<VRQJ(9(5 CHEESE—HEAD—GLORY!!! Dude, that’s the kind of thing that you hear RQFHDQGLWPDNHV\RXJR67$57DEDQG (of course, when Boris, early on, attempted (DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!) to cover “Full Moon,” we changed the “We got a good good band!” line to “We got an okay band!”) Further, Gary Glitter’s “I’m $/21* %87 &+26( 72 ,*125( ,7 rock border skirmish, hereby declare that a The Leader Of The Gang”, which does 6LUQRVHOIUHVSHFWLQJ:LVFRQVLQLWHZRXOG state of POWER POP WAR exists between start the album, is actually one of the best (9(5UHFRUGSHUIRUPUHOHDVHRUUHKHDUVH Illinois and Wisconsin!!! *LYHXVWHQ\HDUV album ENDING songs of all time—cf. its ³)XOO 0RRQ 7XUQ 0\ +HDG $URXQG´ DQG ZH¶OO VKRZ \RX EDVWDUGV WKH HUURU RI appearance as album-closer on Brownsville ZLWKRXWWKH³:(*27$%($7´SDUWDWWKH \RXUZD\V Station’s 1974 “School Punks” LP, as well EHJLQQLQJ Needless to say, my own personal as the Methadones own reprise of the song power pop code of honor suggests—nay, Love, at end of the album, indicating that THEY DEMANDS—that i, as senior surviving war Nørb .1(: 7+,6 ,1)250$7,21 $// hero of the Illinois-Wisconsin 1990’s punk 35 On Touringgy Comfortably

By C.T. Terry Illustrations by Mitch Clem [email protected] Layout by Uri Garcia

You’ve been playing shows in your area for nine months, your band’s got a bunch of Myspace friends on the opposite coast, your basement is full of boxes of your band’s CDs, the bass player doesn’t have to go back to school for three months, and you bribed the mechanic and got an inspection sticker for your van. It’s time to go on tour! Assuming that you’ve got your shows booked, and that your van is in decent working order, here are some ideas for ways to make your weeks in the van as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.

Money Packing You’re taking a couple of weeks off of I suggest having two bags: a suitcase or work, and, if your band is on the lucky side of big bag that stays in the van, holding things average, you’ll be pulling in enough money like extra clothes, and a smaller shoulder to cover gas from town to town. You’re bag that you can bring with you anywhere. going to be left with a lot of time to kill, While the larger bag is tucked away, keep and little to no personal money coming in. the shoulder bag within reach, so you can It’s easy to spend over $20 a day on nothing have your book, water, cell phone, and but beer and a couple of meals, and it’s nice headphones accessible during a van ride. WR KDYH VRPH H[WUD FDVK EHFDXVH WKH ¿UVW Think of the shoulder bag as your own thing that people like to do when you get portable comfort station. It’s there to keep to their town is escort you to the overpriced you from going crazy in the van, and while vegetarian cafe, and then to the record store. waiting for the show to start. Pick up a few extra shifts before you leave As for what to bring in your bigger bag, for tour. The last thing you wanna do is go remember that less is always more. broke halfway through. And don’t forget, 8QOHVV \RXU WRXU¶V RYHU D PRQWK ORQJ rent’s always due in a couple weeks. the basic clothes that you pack should be Speaking of rent, estimate how much something like a hoodie, one pair of pants, your bills are gonna be when you get back, one pair of shorts, and half a dozen pairs and set that amount aside. What’s worse of underwear and socks, if you wear those. than coming home from tour with $80 to Bring one or two less T-shirts than you’d \RXUQDPHDQG¿QGLQJDFXWRIIQRWLFHIURP imagine wanting—you’re going to play your cell phone company? with a couple of bands every night, and 5HPHPEHUWKDWLI\RXDOOGHFLGHWRXVH chances are, those bands will have T-shirts, the band fund to pay for food every day, and you all will wind up trading. Pack a few \RXPD\¿QG\RXUVHOYHVKDYLQJWRSLWFKLQ favorites, but nothing that you don’t mind to pay for a tow truck if you break down. ZHDULQJIRU¿YHGD\VVWUDLJKWDQGVWUHWFKLQJ You’re going to wind up spending money no the neck out on. Tour is like Vietnam for matter what. clothes; none ever come back the same. 6HW DVLGH DQ RXW¿W WR EH \RXU VKRZ clothes. Playing a show is sweaty business, and it feels good to make a quick switch after playing, and not walk around for the “Do not use the same wipe rest of the show all clammy like a jock at the end of P.E. Your show clothes should on your face that you just be clothes that you don’t mind wearing in front of people every night, but nothing that used on your balls. Words you’re too attached to. They’re gonna get all misshapen, especially if you rinse them off every couple of nights, like Off Minor’s from the wise.” 6WHYH5RFKHVXJJHVWV 36 %HSUHSDUHGIRUZHLUGZHDWKHU7KH¿UVW of books to bring on tour, but it’s better if Don’t bring a pipe with you. If tour that one of my old bands did took us you just pack a stack of paperbacks that they find one of those, you’re fucked. from Virginia to the Massachusetts coast, you don’t care about. That way, as you read You’re going to have to punt, so roll a in May. A couple of my bandmates hadn’t them, you can give them to folks that you bunch of pinners, learn how to carve a spent much time up north, and didn’t know meet, or trade them in at used bookstores bowl out of a carrot, or just be prepared that spring in New England is a lot chillier and get new books. Don’t forget how heavy to punch a few holes in a dent in a beer than spring in Dixie. While our friends books are; the less you’ve got at the bottom can, and smoke out of that. I know, blah back home were sleeping under their air of your bag, the better. blah, aluminum is bad for your lungs, conditioners, we were hanging out in hoodie Get a road atlas. Too many show Alzheimer’s disease, etc., but remember weather, and some of us were stuck in shorts directions end with “Take a right off of the bottom line: you’re doing drugs, and and T-shirts. the interstate. You’ll see the kids.” Also, they aren’t good for you either. It can’t hurt to keep some baby wipes on an atlas comes in handy on days off when Don’t bother trying to hide your drugs. you’re looking for something to do. No Police are trained to know all of those show between Asheville and Cincinnati? genius hiding places that you thought of. Why not take a look at the map, and, if your Houston: “Nothing’s worse than missing your exit because the person riding shotgun is reading a zine.” I wish I had something reasonable to say about smoking in the van, but I don’t. So, just quit smoking a couple of months before tour, so you won’t be grouchy, and my arm hair doesn’t smell like Dorals. .HHS D ZDWHU MXJ LQ WKH YDQ DQG change out the water every morning, so it doesn’t taste like you poured it out of an iron. Your body works better when it’s full of water; you’ll be happier, healthier, and nicer to everyone. .HHSDFRXSOHRISLVVERWWOHVKDQG\, suggest sports drink bottles that have the wider mouths, so you don’t get the weird thing where your piss sprays everywhere because your dickhole is half on the rim of the bottle. Twenty ounce bottles are better than sixteen-ouncers, because WKH\¶UHKDUGHUWR¿OODQGQRWKLQJ¶VZRUVH than breaking your stream, and fumbling around the van with your dick in your hand, looking for something else to piss in. ,DVNHG([RWLF)HYHU5HFRUGV¶.DW\2WWR In The Van what women do when they have to pee in the van, and she told me that she’s always ,NQRZ\RX¶UHODWHIRU\RXU¿UVWVKRZ On a long ride, never do two things at and you still have to go buy strings, but do once. Let’s say you have a book, an mp3 SUHIHUUHGWRSXOORYHUDQG³SLFNÀRZHUV´LQ the bushes skirting the interstate. yourself a favor and take some extra time to player, and a sandwich, and you get in As for men, get down on your knees, the van for the day. If you spend an hour ¿QHVVHWKHORDGLQJRIWKHYDQ,IDOORI\RXU face the wall of the van, and piss away. equipment has a set place, then you can listening to music while reading and eating, When you’re done, screw the cap on as tight you won’t be nearly where you want to be ¿JXUHRXWZKHUHWROHDYHDOORI\RXUEDJV as possible, and either leave the bottle in the and if you know where your bags go, then before you’re sick of your book, and your little gutter by the door of the van, or just you can get them out really fast when you mp3 batteries have died. If you spend an throw it out the window. This is the only pull up in front of wherever you’re staying. hour reading, put down the book and put time that litter is okay. Always help load the van. Don’t just on your headphones for an hour, then turn Only use a bottle with a screw-on top. carry your equipment, and don’t expect off your jams and eat some lunch, you will Once, one of my band mates drunkenly other people to carry your stuff. You’re not have passed nearly three hours. It’s all pissed in a fast food cup, threw the lid on, and the only person who’s drunk, or tired, or about killing time, kinda like jail without then sketched while going to toss it out the sweaty. Your band mates will notice how the push-ups. window. The top blew off, and February air you make yourself scarce when it’s load- 6SHDNLQJ RI JHWWLQJ EXII LQ FRQ¿QHG mixed with High Life piss misted the entire out time, and one night you will look up areas, get a handgrip. Those are things that van. I’ve never punched someone so hard. from hitting on the promoter’s girlfriend, have two small handles, and are loaded on and see your equipment sitting alone on a huge spring, so you squeeze the handles the stage, half an hour after your band WRJHWKHU EXI¿QJ XS \RXU IRUHDUPV DQG stopped playing. blowing off how you’re mad at your 38 Eating You chose to be vegan. Take a walk. Stretch out your legs after Everyone that I asked about food told If less than half of the people in the van spending hours in the van. Check out this me to avoid fast food, and eat well, but no are vegan, you aren’t allowed to discuss the new city. I love the fact that, having toured so one can name a quick, cheap, convenient, by-default vegan items at every fast food much, I can tell most people I meet that I’ve accessible wonder food. spot that you pass. Of course McDonald’s been to their hometown. Think of your walks Big, suburban supermarkets are a good shakes are vegan; they’re nasty. as investments in future bar conversations. bet. They usually have a little something Also, please don’t try to out-vegan one What’s cool about Pittsburgh? The Hot for everyone—a salad bar, a deli, coffee, another. It’s 2 AM, there’s only one place Metal Bridge and the half-priced Mexican etc. While you’re there, stock up on some open, and you’ve eaten nothing but trail mix food! Gainesville, huh? Ever go to that park van snacks like Powerbars, fruit, pretzels, all day; please don’t look down on someone where all of the alligators sunbathe? That and trail mix, and maybe even some basic because they didn’t read the website that shit’s crazy! travelable foods like spaghetti and sauce, said there might be casein in the bread at One thing, and I hate to say it, but keep cereal, and PB’n’J. Having some food in the Blimpie’s. track of where you’re going on your walk, van will save you on lunch, and if you wind If you drink coffee, get a travel mug. and where you have to meet every one. One up with access to a kitchen, you can whip If you don’t, give back your Crimpshrine time, my old band mate Jeff and I left our cell up a couple boxes of spaghetti, and feed records. You don’t get “it.” Most phones at the place where we were staying, everyone for just a few bucks. FRQYHQLHQFHVWRUHVDQGFDIpVRIIHUDUH¿OO and went for a run, only to get lost on the Cooking on tour is hard to pull off. price if you bring your own container, so way back, in our bandmate Evan’s parents’ You’ll probably be traveling with a welcome to the world of paying $.50 for a neighborhood in suburban Massachusetts. vegan, a guy who doesn’t eat vegetables, quart of gas station coffee. Plus, if you’re We wound up getting a ride back from some and someone who sincerely likes to eat carrying your own mug, it’s easier to sneak dude who went to high school with Evan, Wendy’s, so agreeing on a meal can be it out of the gas station—you can even left and lived across the neighborhood. I still really hard; hence spaghetti and sauce with hand it while paying for something else. feel stupid about that. Also, know if there’s a twelve-pack of beer. And if you get caught, you have an ironclad a time when you need to be back. You don’t If you’re lucky enough to cook something excuse—just act all spacey, point to the ZDQQDUHWXUQIURPDWZRKRXUZDONWR¿QG while on tour, respect the kitchen that you’re mug, and say, “Ahh, I’m sorry, I haven’t your band all set up and everyone waiting using. Ask before using any oils, spices, pots, had my coffee yet!” for you. or pans. Before deciding to throw on a slab .HHSDFRXSOHRIJDPHVKDQG\:HXVHG of bacon for the band, make sure that you’re WR NHHS D ZLIÀH EDOO DQG EDW DQG D VHW RI not cooking in a vegan kitchen. Even if your host is vegetarian, and says that they don’t mind the smell of cheeseburgers, assume that they are being too nice to say “no,” and stick with something meat free. Plus then, you can share with your host, and they’ll be “If less than half of the people more likely to contribute something from their food to whatever you’re cooking. After you cook, do all of the dishes in the sink. in the van are vegan, you aren’t Even the ones that you’re not responsible for. Even the moldy coffee in the percolator. 2Q WKH ÀLSVLGH UHPHPEHU WKDW \RX allowed to discuss the by-default never know what to expect out of someone’s kitchen. A lot of people never cook, and don’t have a lot of supplies at home. vegan items at every fast food Don’t act taken aback if you show up and the only pot in the kitchen has week old mac‘n’cheese in it, and they don’t have a spot that you pass spaghetti strainer. No matter what your host has, they are doing you a favor by letting you use it. Never forget that. Get some multivitamins. They do taste like hamster food, and make your piss look like Mtn. Dew, but you’re not going to be 8QRFDUGVLQWKHYDQ8QRGRHVQ¶WWDNHXS eating well on the road, and these pills will Waiting Around any space, and is easy to learn, so you can keep you healthy, adding a little something Aside from getting drunk every night, kill an hour before the show, plus there’s to your steady diet of spaghetti and beer, so DQGVOHHSLQJRQÀRRUVWKHPRVWH[KDXVWLQJ something kind of gangsterish about playing you don’t get scurvy. and demoralizing part of tour is all of the cards in an empty bar, even if they’re Don’t get mad because there’s no vegan waiting. Every day is either hurry up and 8QR FDUGV:LIÀH EDOO FDQ EH D IXQ EDQG food in whatever tiny town you’re playing. wait, or hurry up and late. Many evenings bonding thing to do, too, just try and use it ZLOO ¿QG \RX SDUNHG LQ IURQW RI D FOXE LQ to dispel band tensions, instead of escalating an unfamiliar town, with a couple of hours WKHP 'RQ¶W KRXQG DERXW GXPE LQ¿HOG À\ to kill before the show begins. This is the rules, just be glad to be in Oklahoma City, perfect time to clear your head with some watching someone who was annoying you alone time, because you are gonna be stuck in the van two hours earlier belting the ball there for a while. The band is usually the onto the roof of the club for a home run. You ¿UVWWKHUHWKHQ\RXKDYHWR³ZDLWIRUSHRSOH can take a few minutes to pretend that you to show up” before the show starts, then wait aren’t on tour. It’s good to get your mind through two bands before you play, then away from the grind of sleep-drive-music… wait for the show to end, and chill out while sleep-drive-music… everyone leaves and the promoter haggles with the club for money. 39

“It’s all about killing time, kinda like jail without the push-ups.”

Sleeping Get a sleeping bag that comes in a school, the pillowcase will become another drawstring bag. I’ve had two sleeping bags way to carry things around. You can stick since 1986, so I can’t really suggest brands books, your toothbrush, dirty magazines, or or anything. Don’t worry about any of that whatever in there. keeps-you-warm-up-to-twenty-below crap; A camp pad is a rectangle of foam rubber you’re going on a punk tour, not a survival WKDWSDGV\RXIURPWKHÀRRUDQGUROOVXSIRU mission in the Andes. All you need is a easy traveling. They kinda look like yoga strong zipper, and a drawstring bag to carry mats, and you can get them for about ten it all in. dollars at most sporting goods stores. After A sleeping bag that comes in some sort a few nights on the road, it’s nice to have of drawstring bag is crucial for two reasons: something between your sleeping bag and the straps that hold your sleeping bag WKH ÀRRU 7KH\¶UH SHUIHFW IRU WKRVH QLJKWV together when it’s rolled up will stretch out, when you’re staying in an apartment with and you don’t want the whole deal coming no rugs, and everyone has already claimed unwound in the back of the van, ‘cause the couches and spare beds, so you wind up it’ll rub up on all sorts of dirty shit and get RQWKHNLWFKHQÀRRU stuck on cymbal stands. Also, the carrying If you’re feeling really cushy, invest bag can hold more than a sleeping bag. You in one of those 9” oscillating desk fans. can cram your pillow, sheet, and camp pad Yeah, that brings you a hair too close to in there, too, keeping all of your sleeping being the Prince Pampered of the tour, but stuff in the same place, and eliminating a fan will cool you down at night, plus the ¿YH PLQXWHV RI GUXQNHQ GLJJLQJ WKURXJK fan’s white noise will help drown out the the back of the van at 3 AM, outside of party that’s still going on downstairs while wherever you’re staying. you’re trying to sleep, and help stir up the Fold up a bed sheet, and keep it in air around you, so you can smell like a the bottom of your bag of sleeping gear. couple different cigarettes in the morning, There will be many nights where it is as opposed to just one. too warm to sleep in your sleeping bag, and instead, you can sleep on top of your I hope that this guide will give you a few bag, with the sheet over you. This is extra good ideas to make your next tour that much sweet, because then you have two layers more enjoyable. Just think of my smiling RI SDGGLQJ EHWZHHQ WKH KDUGZRRG ÀRRU IDFHHYHU\WLPH\RXSOD\ZLIÀHEDOOLQWKH and your sore, sore shoulders. parking lot behind a club. Bring your own pillow and pillowcase. There won’t always be an extra couch I’d like to thank Matthew “Grimace” cushion for you to grab, and the goal is Bajda, Josh Barker, Jeff Byers, Jeff Grant, to be as autonomous as possible so you Lew Houston, Sharon Mooney, Katy Otto, don’t impose on whomever you’re staying Justin Owen, Steve Roche, and Dave Witte with. Also, keep it in a pillowcase. Besides IRUWKHLULQSXW impressing people with the Transformers print that you’ve been rockin’ since grade

41 photo by Lindsay Hutchens Hutchens Lindsay photo by

Mike McColgan-lead vocals I first saw the Street Dogs Johnny Rioux-bass, vocals live for the first time on the Warped Tour about two years Marcus Hollar-guitar, vocals back. Even though it was in a huge amphitheatre that James Joe Sirois-drums, vocals Taylor sometimes plays in, the band somehow made you feel like you were in a small club. But I was still not prepared for Tobe Bean III-guitar, vocals the sonic assault I was about to witness. Every song had a hook and every lyric seemed to really mean something. I Interview by Sean Koepenick don’t know any other way to explain it. Other than that it hit me in the gut like a sack of rotten potatoes and never let up. Photos by Lindsay Hutchens No other band came close that day. Even after the set, they (LindsayOgraphy.com) took time to sign CDs and were gracious to all their fans. and Sean Koepenick Fast forward to July 2006. A great double bill was coming to town: The Street Dogs with the Adolescents. What punk fan could ask for more? After two excellent records (Savin Hill Layout by Keith Rosson and Back to the World) under their belt, the band is ready to kick it into maximum overdrive with Fading American Dream. Band members Mike and Johnny were kind enough to sit down at the Black Cat in D.C. with me and listen to my off-the-wall ramblings.

42 Sean::KRLV.HQQ\:DOOV" intelligence. It’s a commodity. It all looks the same and sounds the Mike: .HQQ\ :DOOV LV RQH RI P\ EHVW IULHQGV %DFN LQ  KH same. It’s pretty and they all have the same beards! Who is singing passed away. He was a fervent listener of punk rock. He went to for the common person? Disaffected and pissed off? There’s a lot of a lot of shows in Boston. It was a big, big shock to me—a body fucking people who are like that. Who’s singing for them? I guess, at blow—when he passed away. He taught me how to paint. He taught some level, we humbly attempt to do it. I don’t know if we do it or me how to keep things simple and low key. not. It’s not our decision to say that. I feel strongly about that stuff. Sean::K\GR\RXWKLQNXQLRQVDUHEHQH¿FLDOIRUWKHDYHUDJHZRUNHU" Sean: What about your hometown? You have a lot of local reference Mike: For the average worker, yes, I feel like organized labor is in your songs. EHQH¿FLDO*HQHUDOO\VSHDNLQJ,WKLQNWKH\KHOSZLWKKHDOWKFDUHIDLU Johnny: ,W LQÀXHQFHV XV WR D FHUWDLQ GHJUHH :H KDYH D ORW RI and equitable wages, vacations, and annuities: just all-around fair hometown pride in the music scene for sure. Pride in our friends treatment and safety on the job site as well. I don’t think it works for and our families. It goes along with the political and organized labor all walks of life. Not all jobs need to be “organized.” I don’t think thing. It’s what we know so let’s write about it. that is practical or feasible—but where it is viable and where it can Mike: Where I grew up in Boston, in order for people to know you be done—it should at least be allowed. There should be votes about or to get along with you or be friends with you, they need to know and things like that. I think that over the last twenty-six years there about you. “Who are you?” “What do you do?” “Where are you has been effort to make sure there is a vote on the issues and no one from?” What do you stand for?” “Where have you been?” I think in JHWVFXWRXW6RWKDW¿QGVLWVZD\LQWRRXUVRQJV:HEHOLHYHLQLWDQG the songs—starting out with the record Savin Hill—this is how it all we advocate for it. I was in organized labor. I was a union steward. I started and where I’m from. This is some of the stuff I went through. was an alternate within the Democratic Party. So I have a lot to stand These are some of the things that went on when I grew up. It’s your on when I get involved in a sing along, you know? story. So you never know if that’s going to translate or strike a chord. Sean: How do politics shape your music? You can’t predict that or put a barometer on that to see what people Mike: In the Street Dogs, politics are just one of the elements that go for with a song. In some small part, I think it has because we’re ¿QGVLWVZD\LQWRWKHO\ULFV:H¶UHQRWH[SHUWV:H¶UHQRWWKH&11 making our third record. We’re touring extensively around the States band of punk rock. There are a couple bands out there right now that and the world. We try and be as straightforward as we can. We try to do a pretty good job of that already. make every night seem like it is our last show by playing as hard as Johnny: We just write about what we know and what’s bothering us. we can. Almost to pure exhaustion. I guess that with the age group that we are in we’re pretty heavily Johnny: It’s funny that in the street punk scene—reggae and bands LQÀXHQFHGE\ZKDWLVJRLQJRQDURXQGXV,ILW¶VXQLRQVRURUJDQL]HG like the Eyeballs—it seems to come up more with Boston bands. labor, we also discuss the war. Mike served himself. We discuss the Mike: I think the scene is respected nationally. I think the scene

policies behind that. When we do that we try to make sure it is not is respected internationally. There are lots of reasons you can done in a preachy, “This is what you need to believe” kind of way. cite—what you’ve gone through, the families, the towns. All the More or less, we are just writing down our thoughts. This is what we experiences. There are tangible things that bring those lyrics out. believe in. Try not to be too “soap boxy.” Sean: There is a disclaimer at the end of the “Back to the World” video Mike: Yeah, we’re not trying to come across as the experts or point that states “This song is not pro-war. It’s pro G.I. Get home safely.” WKH¿QJHUDWDQ\ERG\HOVH,WKLQNWRRPDQ\EDQGVSOD\LWVDIHZLWK Johnny: We put it out to all our fans that if you have pictures of politics. They try and avoid it. I feel like we’re honest in that when yourself or any of your friends or family serving overseas right there’s something that bothers us and we feel it—we let it out. That’s now—it could also be your mom or your dad from Vietnam, or your when it comes out in a song. That’s not just in politics, that’s personal grandparents or whatever—send them in. We want to use them in relationships: tragedy, observations in life. I mean there are so many our video. It was less about the war that is going on now then the things to write about. We try to expand our scope and not put anything overall view of the soldier. Mike wrote those lyrics based on his off limits. Try to keep ourselves out of any boxes, you know? experiences in Desert Storm. When we put that message out there, Johnny: We try to be pretty clear-headed about it. Showing all sides people kind of knew. If you listen to the record you might say these of the story. We are pretty clear that we are anti-war. We’re anti- guys are pro G.I., but then you listen to “Tales of Mass Deception” this-administration for different reasons. But when we say that we later on in the record and you’re like, “These guys clearly don’t back try to express how and why. We are also pretty steadfast in support this administration—or any of its policies.” So I don’t think there of the troops. These aren’t the guys out there who are creating these was too much of a question mark. I know that certain friends of policies and declaring bullshit wars on other countries. They’re there ours who are rallying behind the President tried to push their side to get a college education. We try and show support for those men on us a little bit. We’re not one of those bands that are like you have and women since they’re really just poor average American kids. We to believe in what we believe in. You’re not going to feel alienated try to divulge each side of the story. if you don’t feel that way. I think the number of emails that we get Mike: We don’t rally to or come predictably on one side. We try to IURPVROGLHUVWKDWVD\³7KDWVRQJ\RXJX\VZURWH",WUHÀHFWVH[DFWO\ have a wide scope of things. A lot of the music of today is mindless how I feel every day that we’re here in this shithole. Thanks you and insipid: predictable, contrived, and devoid of any actual guys for speaking for us.” We get tremendous amount of support for 43 photo by Sean Koepenick photo by

that song. People that usually wouldn’t even listen to punk rock have dying. I got a call from his Mom saying, “Listen, he is not going to kind of stumbled upon it. make it through the time of your tour. He’s got to come home.” So Mike: I just tried to get inside that human condition of being a when we went through all that—sending Marcus home and Tobe soldier. You’re far away from your friends, your home, and your stepping up to the plate on guitar—we were just all going to go home family. I served in Desert Storm. There’s a personal, tangible to support Marcus and be there for him. Marcus said, “I know my LGHQWL¿FDWLRQWKHUHIRUPHLQWHUPVRIDOOWKHIHDUV\RXJRWKURXJK Dad would want you to continue on the tour.” So he went home and when you are away. Sure, there are soldiers that back the policy and his father passed away the day after he got home. We couldn’t get soldiers that don’t back the policy. They are entitled to their opinions. in contact with him and we didn’t know where he stood. When we ,KDYHDIHHOLQJRIV\PSDWK\DQGUHVSHFWIRUWKHVDFUL¿FHDQGHYHQ JRWEDFNWRWKH86ZHVWLOOFRXOGQRWJHWDKROGRIKLP,WZDVD the emotional pain that comes with being so far away; the gravity pretty trying time for us as a band and Marcus. It’s just not the same of where you are and what’s at stake and how a lot of things are without him playing. We wanted to be there for Marcus but we all DOLJQHGDJDLQVW\RX7KDW¿QGVLWVZD\LQWRWKHVRQJV7KH\MXVWZDQW kind of bonded together. Whenever times get tough—like when you to come back fuckin’ alive. They don’t want to fucking die. That’s have to do an overnight drive—everyone’s exhausted, sleeping in what it all comes down to at the end of the day. That song is a heavy a van. You really have to give each other moral support or you’re mother. You’ll see kids at the front holding up medals and notes from gonna crash and burn. people who were lost. I never anticipated that. I know it was a good Mike: In trying to see where everyone is at and offering support to song sonically and that it sounded good. I never really anticipated Marcus since he had lost his father as well, Tobe is integral in the the widespread impact it would have. We see it more and more every morale aspect of the group. I think Tobe helped Marcus a lot. When GD\DWHYHU\VKRZ:HGRQ¶WDVFULEHWRWKHZDULQ,UDT:HGH¿QLWHO\ ZHGLG¿QDOO\JHWEDFN²ZLWK0DUFXVLQWKHJURXSDQGHYHU\WKLQJ² would not be saying George Bush is doing a great job. We want to we let him know, “We’re there for you and it’s great to have you see the men in the services getting home as soon as possible. back.” He came back like a lion! He is just a massive ball of energy Johnny:0\SDUHQWVDUHGLHKDUG5HSXEOLFDQVLQ1HZ+DPSVKLUH live and in the studio anyway. But it seemed like he even ratcheted 0\'DGZDVDEurope, our guitar player’s father was You pretty much know everyone’s little bullshit and idiosyncrasies.

44 Johnny:0LNHGULQNVHYHU\WKLQJ+HOHDYHVWUDVKRQWKHÀRRU Johnny: Mystery meat. Especially when you’re in Holland and Mike: Not true! you’ve been in the hash bars all night. Croquets! They’re like these Johnny:7REHLVOLNHWKH³GHQPRWKHU´W\SHSHUVRQ,¶PDÀDZOHVV deep fried cheese things. The cheese is like nuclear hot and it burns player. Joe, our drummer, doesn’t pack anything. the inside of your mouth. Mike: Like Oscar The Grouch from Sesame Street. The guy that Sean: Do you find that they put hard-boiled eggs into lives in a garbage can. undeserving dishes? Johnny: Marcus is just like the young guy. And whatever crew Johnny: The Dutch, yeah! My mother and father-in-law did that all member is the “whipping post” for the week. Tobe is like Genghis the time. One of the ingredients is always a hard boiled egg. .KDQZKHQLWFRPHVWRFUHZPHPEHUV Sean: What parts of pop culture today disgust you? Mike: Nobody is safe from him. Mike: American pop culture is insipid, meaningless, non-pertinent. Sean: What is the stupidest argument that you can fully admit you ,W¶VDMRNH/LQGVH\/RKDQ3DULV+LOWRQ1LFKROH5LWFKLH+RZWKH\ got into because you were tour drunk, just road worn, or it just wasn’t garner headlines when there are so many other big things going on important in the end? in America with foreign policy or domestic policy, the economy, or Johnny:'XGH7REHDWRQHSRLQWVPDVKHGKLV/HV3DXORQWKHÀRRU KXPDQULJKWVLVVXHV,W¶VDMRNH,WMXVWÀRRUVPHKRZULGLFXORXVDQG of the Troubadour. Brand new gold top. All just because I asked him stupid America is about this stuff. WRPRYHKLVDPS:HJRWLQDKXJHQHDU¿VW¿JKW7KUHZKLPRXWRI Johnny: Allow me to incorporate into the whole punk scene. You the van. It was ugly but then it ended. He was really drunk so we take the whole emo scene. You take one of the more classic bands wrote a song about it. OLNH7KH*HW8S.LGV,KDYHDORWRIUHVSHFWIRU7KH*HW8S.LGV Mike: Interestingly enough, although that was a dark moment in the +HUH¶VDEDQGWKDWZHUHLQÀXHQFHGE\WKH5HSODFHPHQWV7KH\ZHUH band’s history, we decided to turn it around. We decided to go on and getting in a band and they were doing it. They believed in what they write about it. Tobe decided to start drinking “near beer” and all that were doing and it worked. There are a million bands with long- shit—O’Doul’s. We wrote a song—“Tobe Had a Drinking Problem.” winded names with different seasons or names of the week in there. It’s a fun song. It’s a party song but at the same time there’s a level Doing the same frickin’ thing: dressing the same way, looking the of personal shit inside that thing. And moments of redemption. That same, singing about girls or whatever the hell their mindless spirits

negative experience actually turned into quite a positive experience. DUHDERXW,W¶VMXVWOLNHVSRRN\)RU&KULVWVDNHVWKH0LV¿WVGLGLW That song is going to be on our new album coming up. Talking Heads. They are all in the same scene Mike: Johnny sometimes will misinterpret people. One time we but they’re all different. It’s not the same goddamn thing. Imagine ZHUHLQ*HUPDQ\DQG,FDOOHGVRPHERG\LQWKHFURZG:DUUHQ=HYRQ &%*%¶VLIWKH\MXVWSXPSHGRXW¿IWHHQWRWZHQW\5DPRQHV"7KHUH¶V 7KHVRXQGJX\+HORRNHGH[DFWO\OLNH:DUUHQ=HYRQ=HYRQWKDW QRÀDYRULQPXVLFsongwriter. He was way ahead of his it a lot on all these record labels. They’re like, “We have to sign our time. Nevertheless, Johnny thought I was referring to him. He had a YHUVLRQRI0\&KHPLFDO5RPDQFH´2UP\YHUVLRQRIZKDWHYHU¶V baseball bat out on stage. It was ugly. happening here. It just waters down music. You hear it on the radio Sean:+RZLVWRXULQJ(XURSHGLIIHUHQWWKDQWRXULQJWKH86" all day long and you see the videos all day long. The faces are all the Mike: They are up on everything you do. Every word—everything. same and the names are interchangeable. Particularly in Germany. The Germans are really intent on the whole Mike: It’s a commodity. I think music has turned into a commodity. I “sell-out” versus “non-sell-out” thing. That does not seem to be as think quality has been lost along the way in that transition. ELJDQLVVXHLQWKH86 Johnny: As somebody who grew up getting my ass kicked for riding Johnny: Cross-genre stuff doesn’t really take over there versus here. a skateboard and having blue hair, it pisses me off that they are doing If you’re a skinhead band, you’re a skinhead band. If you’re a gutter it all under the banner of punk rock. You know what I mean? There punk band, you’re gutter punk. You’ve got to have the image to is nothing punk rock about that. Nothing. I’m starting to sound like FRLQFLGHZLWK\RXUYLEH,UHPHPEHUWKH¿UVWWLPHZHZHQWRYHUWKHUH the “grumpy old man.” Shit. We played with the Bruisers. They are kind of a classic American Sean: What still excites you about today’s culture? street punk oi band. They thought we were rockabilly guys! Mike::KHQ\RXVHHDEDQGOLNHWKH5LYHUERDW*DPEOHUV&RPLQJ Sean: What is the weirdest meal you’ve been served there? out of Denton, Texas. You see them playing live and you see them Mike:,Q+ROODQG\RXJHWWKHVHUHDOO\ZDFNHGVDQGZLFKHV:LWKZDIÀHV living and dying by every note and every chord and every word. They are really nasty but they’re cheap. They cost like one Euro. Their over-the-top, mind-bending performances—that gets you 45

photo by Lindsay Hutchens Hutchens Lindsay photo by

psyched. The Aggrolites coming out of the West Coast. Playing like neighborhoods; not just being spectators. I tried to infuse all that amazing traditional dance-hall reggae. That gets you excited. You stuff into the song. I’m proud of where I’m from but I’m going to see a band like the Briefs, for example, totally destroying it live and give you concrete, tangible reasons why. I’m not just gonna say “rah, making great records. Then you know there is still hope. rah cheers” and have it sound empty and hollow. I hope to some Johnny: Whenever you see something that you can’t put to a extent that happened. category. It’s exciting. The Gamblers do that for me. Sean: What is the biggest mistake you see young bands making today? Mike: Even like the Aggrolites when I read reviews. They say Mike: Trying to be like other bands. I think that’s a huge problem. I these guys are going to be responsible for the ska revival. They WKLQN\RXQJEDQGVLQVWHDGRIWU\LQJWR¿QGWKHLURZQEHDWWKH\MXVW don’t want to hear that. That band is doing their own thing. They’re turn around and just jump on the hot train. They emulate something not trying to start any revival. They sound great. Their songs are that they’re not. That’s the biggest mistake young bands make. great. They look great up there. Sean: Any new records from established bands that have really Johnny: The other good thing about our culture today. We have ÀRRUHG\RX" more freedom to listen to whatever we want. You got satellite radio; Mike: I like the new Briggs record. I think that’s amazing. Even though you got MP3s and your I-Pods. WKH SHUFHSWLRQ LV RXW WKHUH WKDW WKH 5LYHUERDW *DPEOHUV DUH D ³QHZ´ Mike: The Fungus channel. band, they have been around for awhile. Their new record is amazing. Johnny: Music videos are so accessible now. I remember 120 Johnny: I love the new Adolescents record. Minutes growing up. You don’t even have to watch TV—just get Mike: The Bouncing Souls: a great example of a band that has been on your computer and whatever. around for tons of years. I feel like they continually get better with Sean: You don’t have to wait until Sunday night at 2 AM. each release, sonically and lyrically. That’s a great example of a band. Johnny: Yeah! They have some history and have made a really good record. Sean: Ever been hit with a sweaty thong when you were singing? Sean: What is the shittiest dive bar this band has ever played in? Johnny: I’ve seen an enormous thong! Tobe:7KH.QLFNLQ%LUPLQJKDP$ODEDPD7KH&%*%¶VRIWKH6RXWK Mike:7KH\TXDOL¿HGDVEORRPHUV²QRWDWKRQJ,¶PQRW7RP-RQHV Mike:3LQN¶VVLVWHUZRUNVDWWKH.QLFNRock and Roll that featured live performances from The Brat, Los Illegals, and Quetzcal, as well as a showing of Diane’s photography photo by Toddphoto Taylor of the East L.A. punk scene (featuring bands like The Brat and Odd Squad). Diane is an incredibly vivacious woman to talk to, with her grandiose personality, constant hand gestures, small stature, cigarette smoking, loud voice, tattoos, and red lipstick. She is a one of a kind. Diane talked with me about her experience of growing up in East L.A., the punk scene, her intuitive sense to capture the scene around her through photography, the Chicana/o movement, and the politics of being a female Chicana punk rocker in today’s society. Jenny: How were you introduced to art? I read that you had up taking on a different kind of attitude and the entire city DQ DUW H[KLELW DW DJH ¿YH +RZ WKH KHOO GLG \RX JHW DQ DUW becomes my studio. So, therefore, the camera in my bag, tape H[KLELWDWDJH¿YH",ZDVGUDZLQJUDLQERZVDQGVKLW recorder, and now I’m at a gig, I’m at an event , so the fact Diane: I think in some cases some people are just—like they that I don’t have a studio can be really frustrating when it say, born with it. I can only claim that because ever since comes to my painter side. But when it comes to my other I can remember I was making art. Someone had once told side, like chronologically organizing all my stuff, getting the me that I was actually holding and drawing a pencil before archives done, getting it prepared to go on to computer—I I was walking, so that’s kind of a trip. I don’t know if it’s don’t know anything about computers also. So I’m getting it one of those things that’s like genetic memory or whatever prepared for whatever the next step is, to like scan it and get that stuff is. I don’t really understand it at this point, nor do I it all accessible to everybody. I’m there now. So, in a way, want to understand it. I think if I had a good understanding of things kinda work out for a reason. I just kinda try to sniff out how that happened and why that happened it might just kill it the situation—it’s a path in the darkness of reading between for me. Sometimes, I rather just not have things answered. I the lines, and that’s always been my m.o. It becomes almost mean, it’s creating. OLNHLWVQRWHYHQVHFRQGQDWXUHDQ\PRUHLW¶VOLNH¿UVWQDWXUH Jenny: Did you have a family who was into art? so when it comes to having to do something in the norm, to Diane: No. Even though a bunch of artists came out of that me, that’s becomes very irregular or abnormal, which in the family, we were not brought up around art. If anything, it was world that we’re in right now, it’s pretty chaotic anyways so extremely chaotic, extremely dysfunctional. I would say it it’s okay, I’m glad I think the way I do. was a very violent or very hostile environment, which was Jenny: Yeah, you seem really together and stuff. the neighborhood. So no, there was no books, no art books or Diane: [laughs] Well, I guess that depends on who you ask. art galleries, or anything like that. And what time of the day it is, and how many martinis have Jenny: I didn’t grow up like that, so I didn’t learn about that gone down. stuff ‘til I got a little bit older and even college it was like, Jenny: Well, how did you get into the music? “Oh, this is the stuff everyone’s always talking about.” Diane: The music, for me, came early on. That was one thing Diane:5LJKWULJKW6R,ZDVQHYHUUHDOO\H[SRVHGWRLWOLNHWKDW I was pretty much born with. My dad worked in the music which is okay. And I also learned way later about schools of industry in a sense that he was a printer, a graphic artist at a art and stuff like that. I think not having access to that was this printer. They actually pressed vinyl, like making records. So incredible opportunity—which I didn’t recognize back then. I grew up around vinyl. I grew up around recording studios; But I look at it now as like not having that institutionalized the whole concept of how sound was recorded and transferred information in me gave me, I think, a clearer way of looking onto a thin piece of vinyl. So, as a kid, I was getting this at things and not having someone telling me how to look at massive education without really knowing it. And that was things, or explaining to me how to view things, or experience RQO\GXHWRWKHIDFWWKDWP\GDGKDG¿YHNLGVDQGKHZDVWKH things; even though it was the hard way to go about it, like sole provider and he had to work on Saturdays. So he would learning lessons about everything: life, even creating art. take the kids to work on Saturdays. So I basically had access When I grew up there was no other Chicana artists. I to a record company that pressed records. So for me being had no mentor, no one to look up to. So all of us—there’s around music, it was just a natural thing. It was just always this really cool expression, its called picohielo: the ice pick. around me. So we’re like ice breakers and then at the same time were Jenny: How did the whole punk scene evolve in your very much nurturers, or destroyers, at the same time, thieves, QHLJKERUKRRG %R\OH +HLJKWV  DQG KRZ GR \RX WKLQN WKH con-artists, daredevils, everything. You know, we’re still out QHLJKERUKRRGZDVUHÀHFWHGLQWKHPXVLF"+RZGLGLWEDVLFDOO\ there, doing stuff. And it’s a trip, a total fucking trip. And we become what it is now? still blow each other’s minds. Diane: For me, music had always been a thing. I had an uncle Jenny: Okay, well what’s your favorite forms of art? I know who had been in a band, so music was always a thing. It was \RXGRSKRWRJUDSK\,NQRZ\RXGLGWKH3LQ8SVHULHV LQNRQ either backyard parties or somebody was always musical. You YHOOXP ,¶PQRWYHU\DUWVDYY\-XVWEUHDNLWGRZQ could play the piano in someone’s house; somebody could Diane: I would say painting and drawing, the actual physical- literally pick up a piano, any instrument. Music was always a ness of, you know, smearing some sort of pigment on a brush thing that was just around, just like food, just like art, dance. So and smearing it on a surface and creating something. So, for ,VHHP\PRPDQGKHUEHVWIULHQGZKRLV-RVH¿QD5RMDVZKRLV me, painting and drawing are my favorite forms, in a sense. &HVDU5RMDV¶PRWKHUDQG&HVDU¶VLQDEDQGFDOOHG/RV/RERV But at the same time, it’s almost anything visual, so it’s like So I grew up with those cats, you know what I mean? photography. That’s visual. You know, even conceptual. Jenny: Yeah. Sometimes it’s just visual in your head. Mixed media. I Diane: So I would slip and slide and mini-bike with Cesar. love paper, bending, all that kind of stuff. But I work more We’re all very musical. And then as I look back and I see these WRZDUGV ZKDWHYHU P\ VLWXDWLRQ LV DW WKH WLPH 5LJKW QRZ , two locas now hanging out older—just last week I dropped off don’t have a studio, so I can’t really paint. I work with oil my mom on 4thRI-XO\ZLWK-RVH¿QDDQG,ORRNDWWKHVHFKLFV paints and I don’t have ventilation so I can’t really paint. and they’re at the gate and when they scream at each other—I What happens when I don’t have a situation like that—where go, “These are the two original punk rockers.” [laughter] And I don’t have the space or the proper place to work—I end ZKHQ,ORRNDWLWUHDOO\ORRNDW-RVH¿QDGUHVVHGLQOD\HUVRI 49 plaid and her bra’s hanging out, and her chi chi’s are… her makeup, her roots, her crazy hair, her chanclas, and like my mom’s just still wearing paisley and all this crazy shit, I go, “These are the two original fuckin’ punk rockers”: one, my mother, and, one, the mother of Cesar. And when I look back—and that’s only from the perspective that I have now—that I can appreciate their kookiness. It’s what also helped me, and I cannot discredit it. For years I have discredited it just because I have my own issues. But as I look back, I just go, wow. Everything that I thought was so fucked up—and it was; I’m not making any less of anything—it’s RQO\EHHQIXHOIRUP\¿UHIRUWKHZRUNWKDW I’m just getting ready to create right now. I still consider myself constantly learning, constantly coming up with something new. Jenny: Tell me about your tattoos. I remember you said you started to do tattoos as a form of your art. Are you apprenticing somewhere? Diane: I did. I worked on one friend of mine. I do tattoo designs for certain people and myself. And then their was a good friend of mine, who I actually went to a lot of gigs with early on, a friend of mine who I’ve known for over thirty years. He would always rag on me for being inked and stuff. He thought it was real low life. And then years later, we’re drinking one night, getting really drunk and he just goes, “I want to get a tattoo,” and I’m like, “Get out of here.” [laughter] Mr. Mountain Man, with the beard, the long hair, all that stuff. I didn’t believe it, so I created a design, he approved the design, and then I was going to take him to my guy, and he goes, “No, I want you to do it.” And I’m like, “I don’t do tattoos, man.” So I knew what his little kick was. He just wanted me to cut him and make him bleed. [laughter] I was like, “Poor guy. He’s so fucked up he wants me to make him cry.” Again! “Okay,” I thought, “for Anthony Nava I’ll do it.” He was the guy who got me to so many gigs. Basically my bodyguard for years, I was a little woman. I told him, “I don’t want to go to jail, so if you see me going there, just pick me up.” He had to pick me up a couple times. He was P\EXGG\VR,¿JXUHG³:HOOKH¶VSXWDORW of years in. I’ll hurt him.” For about a year, I did apprentice work with my guy Gabriel over at Funny Farm. Then I did all this research. And Anthony told me, “Learn how to do it, and I’ll buy you the equipment, and then I’ll wait.” And there was kind of this game of chicken, you know? I thought I was just ready to go, and there’s nothing really OLNHWKH¿UVWWLPHLQ3HRSOHVD\SUDFWLFHRQ an orange, or your dog. Jenny: Your dog. [laughs] Diane: %XW\RXRQO\JHWRQH¿UVWVKRW,¶P JRLQJ WR JR RQ ÀHVK PDQ , WKRXJKW ³1R way. I’m going to practice on him! He’s

Above: Stiv Bators of The Dead Boys Left: “Walk on Me,” part of the Pinup series asking for it.” So then I went for it, and it was so bizarre. All Jenny: I like that. WKHWUDLQLQJ,JRWDQGDOOWKLVUHVHDUFKWKDW,GLGIXFNLQ¶ÀHZ Diane: And that’s basically what it is. And that’s what I out the window the second it went on. You gotta stretch the believe also. skin with one hand, you’re putting the needle in, then it’s like Jenny: How did you get involved in the Chicano movement the sewing machine, and you have this foot pedal. back in the day? Jenny: Sounds like a lot of coordination. Diane: It wasn’t even so much I got involved with the Diane: Too much coordination for me. And then I’m sweating movement; it was more like the movement was all around you know, I’m nervous. [chuckles] And one thing I learned me. I couldn’t really help for being involved. Basically, I was ZLWKLQWKH¿UVWVL[W\VHFRQGVLVGRQ¶WVD\³2RSV´ZKHQ\RX¶UH part of the demographic, the generation, the target culture. JLYLQJ D WDWWRR >ODXJKWHU@ ,W¶V WKH ¿UVW WKLQJ , GR ³2RSV Even if I tried to ignore it or not, I was involved. At the time, oops.” I totally jacked him up. I should have stuck with a little Vietnam was going on. I got involved, basically, by knowing tattoo but what do I do? I do his big-ass arm, this big shit, so other schoolmates of mine whose brothers and uncles were I’m working on him and I’m sweating. I rip the dude up. I do coming home in body bags. Those days we were literally WKHRXWOLQHWKH¿UVWGD\DQGP\KDQGVFUDPSLQJXS wearing POW bracelets as kids. And we had a harsh slap of, Jenny: Did it look like it was supposed to? I guess, reality. We were basically coerced into dealing with Diane:1RPDQ,MDFNHGLWVREDG,FDQGUDZD¿QHOLQHRQ the situation. It wasn’t like I got involved with it, per se. It ink, but I fucked this dude up so bad I felt guilty. That was the was just things that were happening around us. I don’t feel ¿UVWVHVVLRQ6R,DVNHG$QWKRQ\WRJLYHPHDFRXSOHZHHNV like I really became involved; it was just already happening. I felt so bad, I made him bleed, ink didn’t go in. Everything Jenny: Did it feel like it was everybody, kind of like a wrong, I did. I felt really bad so what I did was practice on community thing? myself. [She stands up and lifts up her skirt to show the work Diane: No, not at all. It was very… she did on her upper thigh.] Jenny: Was it considered a bad thing? Jenny: That looks good. Diane: What part? Diane: I know. Jenny: I guess protesting and stuff. Just because for me— Jenny: [laughs] You do yours all good. every generation—my mother when I would go to protest, Diane: [laughs] I know. I was going to practice on myself she’s like, “You’re going to get hurt.” and I got the good line and I’m gonna go back to him. So Diane: “You’re going to get arrested.” I think they’re moms. that’s how creepy and obsessed I get. And I didn’t look at it as And that’s why I mentioned moms earlier. I don’t care what being a tattoo artist; to me it’s just another medium, like paint generation you talk to—and especially us girls and this thing or whatever. And I get all obsessive, I’m like cutting myself, with our moms. DQGEOHHGLQJ7KHQ,¿QDOO\GLGJRLQDQGFOHDQLWXSDOLWWOH Jenny: It’s like, “I hate you.” [chuckles] but it took a lot of fuckin’ time. And then, out of nowhere, my Diane: Yeah, you know. And I see how crazy she is now and friend dropped dead from an asthma attack. I go, “Fuck yeah. I want to be as badass as her.” I look up to Jenny: The same guy? LWQRZ6R\RXFRXOGQ¶WUHDOO\KHOSJHWWLQJLQYROYHG>5XG\ Diane: This guy, Anthony. It’s going on four years now. It Medina from The Brat sits down at the table with us.] Like was just like whoop, he went away. So that was the life of WKLVFDWULJKWKHUH5XG\:HZHUHLQWKHVDPHQHLJKERUKRRG my tattooing. It was only meant for Anthony. So I think it’s :HOLWHUDOO\JUHZXSZLWKLQD¿YHRUWHQEORFNUDGLXV$QG so fresh—to me it was really symbolic in a sense, whatever it’s like we literally cross paths at an intersection. It was like that relationship was, and I really got to hurt him. And the a demographic intersection. We would check each other out ZD\KHGLHGZDVVXFKDKRUULEOHGHDWK7KH\GLGQ¶W¿QGKLP from bus stop to bus stop and before I know it, I hear there’s for days and rigor mortis and all that shit. So when he was in a gig going on. I go to this gig. I don’t even know who’s WKHFRI¿QLWZDVQRWDSUHWW\VLJKW$QG,UHPHPEHUEHLQJVR playing, and then these cats are playing, these people that I’ve devastated at the funeral, but one friend came up to me and been noticing. Here I am hyping the show. I don’t even know said, “Well, at least he went pretty.” [laughs] So I kinda just who’s playing. I just know there’s a gig in East L.A., and… got to brand him so he could go pretty to his grave. It’s kind Rudy:5HDOO\",GLGQ¶WNQRZWKDW of weird. Diane: Yeah, exactly. That kinda happened. It wasn’t even Jenny: For our readers who don’t know what Chicana is— like we planned on it. It was like we were in a very condensed DQG,NQRZDORWRISHRSOHKDYHDKDUGWLPHGH¿QLQJLW²LQ neighborhood. your opinion, what does it mean to you? Rudy: There were fourteen people that just kinda knew Diane:FKXFNOHV@ >5XG\ H[FXVHV so simple, and what it is, is a Mexican born on this side of himself to go check on the bass amp.] It’s ongoing. That’s the the border. beauty of it because people are looking at it from a historical

51 Above: “Zip Lip,” part of the Pinup series Left: Jello Biafra of the Dead Kennedys Below: “Little Gold Man,” silk-screen paint perspective, which is the perspective I’ve always taken. It’s like this view; people just weren’t ready for it. They weren’t ready for the music yet, for the art yet, for us women yet. Jenny: Exactly. Diane: For anything yet. They weren’t ready for it, and they’re still sort of not ready for it. But the shit’s being either shoved down your throat or shoved up your ass. It’s going to get you one way or the other. And it’s almost like we’re almost something to reckon with. Agree, disagree, we know each other, we don’t know each other. Most of us you see here now, we never stopped. We’re still doing it. We all had WRZRUNMREVOLNH5XG\KHUH+H¶VDWHDFKHUDW*DU¿HOG+LJK 6FKRRO,ZHQWWR*DU¿HOG+LJK6FKRRO Jenny: Crazy. Diane: Okay. Just on the verge of The Brat getting global recognition—thanks to the computer and a lot of other WHFKQRORJLHV²VRPHRIWKRVHSXQNURFNHUVWKDWDUHDW*DU¿HOG right now, a couple of them are starting to maybe discover who he is. And they’re fucking tripping out. Jenny: I would. Diane:6RPHRIWKHPDUHVRUWD¿JXULQJLWRXW6WXGHQWVDUH JRLQJWRVKLWZKHQWKH\¿QGRXWWKDWWKHJX\WKH\¶YHEHHQ ditching from, and… Jenny: And talk shit about… Diane: Talk about jacking his car, and how he’s a dorky little shit. And then they’re going to turn around and he’s going to be the baddest ass ever. [laughing] And that is like the coolest thing ever. We’re nowhere near done. Jenny: To me, it seems like the East L.A., the whole punk scene seems so guarded and protected… Diane: That’s one way to look at it: guarded and protected. Or ignored! I look at it more like it was ignored and intentionally made to disappear. Jenny: That’s a really good point. Diane: Yeah, it was all by design, which is the reason why I started documenting the stuff right at the end. Because I knew this period was coming to an end. I knew other photographers—who I won’t mention—at the time, they’re Jenny: You want to know what’s funny? Just even today—in coming out with their stuff too, right now—and they didn’t my Chicana/o classes, my female professors made it so it was shoot these bands. I actually had other photographers with “Chicana/o.” My boyfriend was reading this [points to paper their cameras out actually tell me, “I’m not going to waste my with interview questions] and he’s like—he took Chicana time on these…” I’m not even going to say the word. DUWDQGDOOWKDWVWXIIDW&681 &DOLIRUQLD6WDWH8QLYHUVLW\ Jenny: Wow! 1RUWKULGJH ,W KDV D YHU\ ZHOO NQRZQ &KLFDQDR 6WXGLHV  Diane: Yeah, tell me that to my face. And today, now they’re “That’s funny. You put the ‘a’ before the ‘o.’” saying like, “Oh, wow.” Diane:5LJKW Jenny: “We were there.” Jenny: And it was like, “So?” That’s how it should be. Diane: Shit, I had to deal with all these fuckin’ racist mother Diane: And that’s how it should be. The “a” should go before fuckers. the “o.” If you want to just go there, let’s go there, you know Jenny: That’s a fuckin’ shame, you know what I mean? It what I mean? Look, I’ve been dealing with guys forever, and does exist in the whole music spectrum. it’s kind of like, “Here we go again.” This is such an old issue. Diane: Yeah! It’s still there. And if anything you people, you’re I shouldn’t have to be bringing it up. But, at the same time, it dealing with serious immigration issues. A lot of the same bothers me. /HW¶V¿QGDZRUGWKDW¶VQRWJHQGHUVSHFL¿FDQG issues we were dealing with. And you’ll hear them in the lyrics we don’t have to go there. But then, once again, you look RI 7KHUHVD &RYDUUXELDV 7KH %UDW  DQG HYHQ $QJHOD 9RJHO around and it’s mostly all guys. 7KH2GG6TXDG 7KHVHO\ULFLVWVWKH\¶UHMXVWUHDOO\DPD]LQJ Jenny: Well that’s the thing, too. I realized within the last Not only are they songwriters, these women are fuckin’ poets. year, especially now that I’m working, it’s all dudes. These women are actual, like Theresa, intellectuals. Diane: It’s all dudes again. That’s the thing that’s pissing me Jenny: Yeah. RII,VHHLWKDSSHQLQJDOORYHUDJDLQZLWKWKHVHJUDI¿WLDUWLVWV Diane: It’s just like these chicks who you won’t think—who and stuff. And it’s testosterone. You have to have balls. are in a punk band—kind of a contradiction in a sense, but Jenny: And the girls always have to be super tough. if you really look at it and break it down, they’re saying Diane: That’s total bullshit, and they’re excluding the chics something. And when you hear some of the stuff—like some once again. And I go to these art openings—a lot of poster of The Brat stuff that comes out—even though you hear it shows—to see what they’re up to, and, you know, it’s just WZHQW\¿YH\HDUVODWHULW¶VVRUHOHYDQWWRWRGD\

53 80 Above: “Talking Hand,” part of the Pinup series Left: Tito Larriva of The Plugz

displayed on a wall where no one really gets to touch it or feel it aside from the artist or somebody’s who’s installing or handling the artwork. And then the permanence of it; a piece of art that basically outlives the artist— and this thing you leave behind and you’re so lucky to have people interested in saving your stuff. The thing with the paper fashion, it’s taking the opposite perspective and doing something very disposable, very immediate. It’s more of a comment to the way people treat each other and people are just so used to just disposing of stuff really easily. The dress is also disposable. So it kind of takes the “preciousness” away from the artwork; not to say that it’s not precious because some of the paper fashions are the most precious things that I do. You’ll hear in everything I tell you: there is WKLVJUHDWFRQÀLFWZLWKLQHYHQP\RZQVHOIDQG even the work. But it kind of works for itself. I’m constantly either questioning or breaking it down, even questioning and deconstructing and reconstructing the stuff that I do. And it’s calling myself on it and keeping myself in check. That’s just something I’ve developed because I have a hard time listening to other people. It’s just kind of my attitude. I often have to discipline myself. Jenny: The Pinup Series… I remember a lot of penis. Diane: Yeah, the Pinup Series I did. It’s an ongoing series—that’s not complete yet—of 366 ink drawings on vellum. And the reason why I chose 366 is that’s the number of days in a leap year, which comes every four years. So we take the number 366 and then we take to grow up and fuckin’ have babies, man. And I broke every WKHWKLQJ3LQ8S&ODVVLFDOO\RUWUDGLWLRQDOO\ZKHQ\RXWKLQN single rule. I’m probably the only woman in the entire family of the term “pin up,” you think 1940s or ‘50s, you think of the history who has broken every rule so far. That means no kids. female. And for being a female, heterosexual myself, I enjoy I didn’t do any of that traditional stuff. ORRNLQJDWWKHPDOH¿JXUH Jenny:'R\RXZDQWWRWDONDERXWWKHVLJQL¿FDQFHRIWKHVLWH Jenny: Yeah. VSHFL¿F+LWDQG5XQIDVKLRQVWXII" Diane:$JDLQ\RXJHWLQWRWKLVZKROHFRQÀLFWPDOHIHPDOH Diane: The paper fashions are disposable art. For me making art, and I guess I deal with a lot of gender issues, and it’s not so the whole thing of it being so precious: this thing that is basically much that I choose it; it’s in my face if I like it or not. Like started getting play like X. Some of these other bands were when you go to museums or you look at history books, you starting to get recognized and getting labels and all these go to wherever there is art, and throughout history there are people interested in them. images of women nude, and rarely, very rarely do you see And I noticed this real—and it was real apparent— a male nude. And you get into that whole sexist thing once obvious, straight-up, blatant racism that was going on at DJDLQ6R,MXVWGHFLGHGWRGRDÀLSRQWKDWDQGGRWKH3LQ8SV the time. And East side bands. Even someone as brilliant which, of course, are images of men. as Theresa with a voice that could kick anyone’s fuckin’ ,W¶V UHDOO\ LQWHUHVWLQJ WKDW 7KHUHVD 7KH %UDW  MXVW JRW ass—you know like Pretenders, Chrissie Hynde—anybody. through saying, “Don’t get married, don’t have kids and She will blow anybody away. And those were the people who you’ll be okay.”—[Diane is referring to an audience member were hot at the time, but the fact that she was a Chicana from telling Theresa that she looks great, and that was Theresa’s East L.A., that already meant that she wouldn’t get a deal. response.]—which is a really funny comment because that’s I also recognized that other people weren’t documenting it another issue that we broke all the rules. Theresa is a part and I just really felt as a person it was really important to of a generation of a whole group of us girls who don’t have document. And that’s when I went out and bought the camera. children. I think it’s another issue that people do not address Literally, I was working part time and hanging out full time. much: the ones who actually made the choice not to have , WRRN DOPRVW HYHU\ GROODU , PDGH DW P\ JLJV WR EX\ ¿OP children. It’s one thing if you can’t have it or if you actually to get gas, to go to the shows. Yeah, maybe it was just an make a choice on it. intuition that told me that this stuff needs to be recorded and Anyway, going back to that whole female male thing: documented. And I’m glad I did. And we all knew each other. when I was growing up if women hit a certain age and weren’t Not only was it documenting—it wasn’t so much like an married with children, you were considered an old maid; oh outsider in—I was so in it. We all knew each other so well. my god, if you were twenty-two or something. [laughs] So It was an intimate thing. It was like taking family photos at what they did, they made this rule: once every four years on a wedding. It was almost that caliber. So comfortable with the leap year, 366 days, a woman could propose to a man. each other, because we were such little outcasts. It was such Jenny: Shut up. [laughs] a tight knit group. Diane: That one year, once every four years. Basically if you Jenny: Did everyone stick to their neighborhood, like the hadn’t gotten married, you got that one little slide in where L.A. scene, or the Venice scene? you can actually go hunt a guy down and ask him to marry Diane: Well, for us, it was the L.A. scene. For me, it was you. The absurdity. And I remember hearing that when I was PXVLFLQJHQHUDO,ZDVFDWFKLQJ%%.LQJ(WWD-DPHVDQG a kid and thinking, “What the fuck?” So I basically chose the then even some of the rockabilly shit. Back then, disco was number 366, and some people really respond to it and some the worst ass, ugly ass music. At the time, it was reggae. I saw people, believe it or not, in 2006, still freak out that I draw Bob Marley twice, man. Yeah, I guess we did have segregated a penis. areas, but there was the Bay area, which got more popular Jenny: Okay, let’s touch upon the photography you did for WKDQ RXU DUHD %DFN WKHQ \RX KDG WKH 'HDG .HQQHG\V DQG the punk scene. all that stuff. We’d be sitting on a Saturday afternoon and Diane: I’ve been involved with music since I was a kid. It’s EH OLNH ³$K PDQ WKH 'HDG .HQQHG\V DUH SOD\LQJ LQ 6DQ always been around. I’ve also been going to gigs forever. And Francisco.” So we’d start counting our pennies man to put also part of the incredible scene, which exploded literally, it gas in the car. We’d drive and before you know it, we’re at felt, overnight. If you were a teenager growing up or in your that show. So, maybe people didn’t always want to venture early twenties, I don’t know about you, but you’re at your into our neighborhood but we didn’t have any problem going wits end: “Is this all there is to life?” You’re ready to turn into into other neighborhoods. That was okay. But now, things a mass serial killer terrorist or something like that. And then change. Now everyone wants to claim East L.A. You got this music thing comes out and you realize there are people all these implants coming from all over the place moving to OLNH7KHUHVD 7KH%UDW DQG5XG\ 7KH%UDW WKDWKDYHWKLV Echo Park and Silverlake and they want to claim East L.A. angst, this energy, this thing happening. So I started hanging You know what I mean? It’s so disgusting and sick. So you out with these people, but always as a visual artist and just as got that crap going on. And now you got the Gold Line (a an artist. Even hanging out, I start to get antsy. I don’t like to OLJKWUDLOWUDLQOLQH FRPLQJLQDORWRISROLWLFVDUHJRLQJRQ sit around doing nothing. I have to be doing something. East L.A. and Boyle Heights are going through some major So even though I was at these gigs, there was idle time, FKDQJHVJHQWUL¿FDWLRQRQFHDJDLQ$QGLW¶VKDSSHQLQJULJKW down time, and the camera sort of kept me out of trouble in now. And it’s really ugly, it’s a very abused and neglected a way because I had to stay sorta sober to focus. And then I neighborhood for all these years and all a sudden they stick also used it as a tool. I got into every gig. I never paid to get these Gold Lines in and developers are developing condos. into any club or anything, which is just part of the fun. But I It’s disgusting. As human beings we’re being displaced also realized, being at all these shows and then seeing, people even in our own lifetime.

55 80 People always look forward to the first real snowfall of the season, the one that sticks. For weeks prior, the sand dumped to give traction to slippery roads has been building up, covering sidewalks, cars, and ice banks in addition to the roads it was intended for, making everything a dull brown. Everything becomes shit. But, with that first snow, it all changes. Those little white flakes undo the (aesthetic) damages that come with the season, but they also exceed that by transforming other unrelated ugliness (like a neighbor’s trash heap) into a fluffy white bank that sparkles when the light hits it just right. However, that ugliness is just as integral to the beauty as the snow is because without the shitpile there to define it, the snow would have nowhere to cling. So, what does a bunch of hoo-ha about snow have to do with Minneapolis-based Off With Their Heads? On first glance, probably nothing, but like anything covered by a drift, sometimes it’s necessary to dig a little to see what’s really beneath the surface. Drop the needle on any of their 7”s or 12” EP and out pours the gruff Midwestern pop punk (the Dillinger Four comparison has been made more than a few times)—bright, energetic, fun, and danceable. But, the lyrics are almost diametrically opposed to the melody. Like sand in the winter, there are themes that come with the territory of pop punk: girls and life in general. It’s OWTH’s approach that makes the difference. When the girl doesn’t answer his call, he burns his fingers. When things aren’t going how he’d like them, he wants to “drop to [his] knees. Scream and punch the concrete until [his] hands bleed.” All of this is dusted with enough hooks to make this despair appear almost happy on first listen. And even though the lyrics can seem overwhelmingly filled with despondency, there’s an honesty in that. When you’re down, really down, there are those moments (however brief they may be) where there is no hope, and no matter how many layers of other emotions you pile on top, they’re still just layers covering shit. Off With Their Heads takes anthems and melodies and layers them onto the piles of the shit, the ugly, and the bad that’s inherent in life, not because they’re disguising anything, but because combined they become something more than either could be alone. Ryan: Guitar and vocals Justin: Drums Josh: Bass

Megan: Do you think you’re capable of writing a happy song? Megan: How are you able to go on tour as often as you do? What Ryan: I thought so for a while, but not anymore. do you do for jobs? Justin:$VN%UHQGDQ.HOO\ VLQJHUIRUWKH/DZUHQFH$UPV  Ryan: [pointing to Justin] We’re construction workers. I’m a self- Ryan: He’s got a lot to say about our songs. [Sarcastically] He’s employed painter, so I make a lot of money some times and no awesome. This is starting out awesome. money other times. We take a lot of money that I make and go on Megan: Have you recorded anything with the same line-up? tour quick, and then be broke for a while. It’s enough to buy a new Ryan:7KH¿UVWWZR´V«,WKLQN«QR« van when you need to. Justin: Yeah, those were the same. Megan: How much have you actually spent on touring because Ryan: And they’re gone, and we’re not gonna repress them because you’ve had some van problems? they’re not very good. Ryan: That last tour… well, not the last one… Megan: Why do you think it’s been so hard to nail down a line-up? Justin: We came home $1,700 in debt. Ryan: We tour a lot and nobody ever wants to do what we do. I Ryan: This was before that. I spent $4,000 on vans. I bought a guess I’m kind of an asshole. That’s mostly it. But, we’ve found the van from my roommate, then I bought the one in Tucson that we perfect match of assholes right here. have now… Josh:,WFDXJKWRQ¿UH Ryan: Hey Paddy, we’re doing an interview for Razorcake. Do you Ryan: That was an expensive venture. want to add an anecdote? Here you go [puts the phone on speaker]. Josh: [Sarcastically] But we made so much. Paddy: Hello? Fuck. Ryan: That was also from insurance money from a death in the Ryan: Talk now. family, which sort of sucks, too. Sort of. Paddy:,¶PLQ5\DQ¶VNLWFKHQULJKWQRZ:HXVHGRQHRIKLVVDXFH Megan: Didn’t you also get really sick and have to be hospitalized? pots to mix a bottle of Jagermeister with two bottles of Boone’s Ryan: I did. I do not open those bills any more, but that one ran me Farm apple, and we broke up twenty Adderall in it too, and we’re about $10,000. drinking it to celebrate the fact that all those fucking nerds aren’t Megan: And that was on tour? home. So I’m going to drink this shit, and I’m going to pee on his Ryan: Yeah. It was actually here in L.A. bed tonight. I don’t even care who’s sleeping in it. It might even Megan: And you were just sick again when you got here. Was it be one of the guys from Defect Defect sleeping in his bed, but I’m \RXUWKURDWDJDLQWKDW¿UVWWLPH" peeing on his bed. It’s happening. But, it’s going to be a warm pee Ryan: It was pneumonia. because it comes from my heart. >5\DQ¶VSKRQHULQJVDQGLW¶V3DGG\IURP'LOOLQJHU)RXU@ >3DGG\¿QGVRXWWKDW0HJDQLVGRLQJWKHLQWHUYLHZ@ 57 Ryan:>VSHDNLQJIRU3DGG\@4XLWIXFNLQJZLWKXV at them about how their security was terrible, and apparently I got Megan: How do you feel about cats? some people in trouble there. It’s funny because everyone who Ryan: Adorable. I love ‘em. They’re the best thing in the world. I ZRUNHGWKHUHZDVKLJK¿YLQJXVDIWHULW6RWDNHWKDWIXFNHU,OLNH really don’t know what else to say about that. They save your life. the Alkaline Trio though; I’m going to say that. Print that. Just the Megan: I thought they sucked your soul while you’re sleeping. new stuff. How am I this drunk already? Ryan: That too. Megan::KHQZDVWKHODVWWLPH\RXOLWRII¿UHZRUNV" Megan: How have they saved your life? Josh:*DEH5RFNLQVLGHWKHYDQDW)HVW Ryan: I don’t want to talk about that. Ryan: I wasn’t hanging out with you guys at Fest. I was at the hotel. Megan: Then they’re soul-suckers. Do you guys stay in hotels when Justin:2KZHVKRWRIIVRPH¿UHZRUNVDW6W$XJXVWLQH you’re on tour? Josh: We got yelled at by a nineteen-year-old cop. Ryan: Never. Ryan: I was actually hiding in the woods. Justin: Every goddamned night. Josh: The guy that ran the house was in the same class as the cop, Ryan: Was that a Josh Mosh question? and the cop… Megan:7KDWFDPHIURPDERXW¿YHGLIIHUHQWSHRSOH7KHUH¶VHYHQD Ryan:«DVNHGXVZK\ZHZHUH³¿ULQJPLVVLOHV´LQWRWKHURDGZD\ theory about it. It weirds people out. Megan: Have you ever shot them off of your roof? Justin: We don’t like human beings. Ryan: Probably. Ryan: I don’t like staying at people’s houses when I want to sleep. Justin Megan: Maybe at your neighbors? has a credit card, and that’s probably why we lose so much money. Ryan: Oh yeah. Those guys are dicks. Megan: Have you also taken a TV when you’ve gone camping? Megan: Are they frat guys? Ryan: Here’s the situation: we were in New Mexico and everyone was Ryan:.LQGRI7KH\¶UHQRWIUDWJX\V7KH\¶UHMXVW6XEOLPHGXGHV partying. I was tired. So, me and Justin set up a tent in the yard, Josh ran VRZHVKRWVRPH¿UHZRUNVDWWKHP an extension cord, pulled the TV out, and we watched Joe Dirt. Megan: What are the laws about liquor in Minneapolis?

Josh: Best night ever. (“Intoxicating liquors” is referred to in almost eighty sections of Ryan: Everyone was cool with it, too. 0LQQHVRWDODZ Josh: The punks didn’t care. Ryan: You can’t buy anything at a store after eight… Megan: What’s shark attacking? Justin: Weekdays. Monday through Thursday, and ten o’clock PM Ryan: Shark attacking is… we don’t do it any more, but we used Friday and Saturday. to until I got caught. It’s when you stay at someone’s house who Ryan: None on Sunday because that’s the lord’s day. you’re kind of unsure about, and you eat all their food while they’re Justin: And only three-two beers at gas stations. sleeping. All of their food. But, I got nailed doing it. And that made Megan: What’s that? me do a weird backpedal, so I don’t do that any more. Justin: Three-two beer? Near beer? It’s 3.2% alcohol. You have to Justin: And we always stay in hotels. drink thirty of them to get a headache. Josh:/HW¶VJRVKDUNDWWDFNLQD5DGLVVRQ Megan: What’s the most creative way you’ve gotten around it? Megan: Get the continental breakfast. What happened when you Ryan::HMXVWJRWR:LVFRQVLQ ZKLFKLVDERXWWKLUW\PLOHVDZD\  SOD\HG5HG6FDUH)HVW" or we go to the bar. That’s what we usually do. Ryan:7KDWZDVWKH¿UVWUHDOYHQXHVKRZ,WKLQNZHHYHUSOD\HG Josh: Stockpile. They give you free beer. And, there’s a backstage. I drank a lot of that Ryan: Yeah, stockpile and hide it from your fucking roommates. free beer. It was Fletcher from the Copyrights who wrote…while the Megan: In Milwaukee, there’s a guy who buys tons of beer during Fal-con were playing, who are terrible. They’re bad. Like, “What the day and then people call him, and he meets them wherever they are you thinking?” Seriously. But anyway…I’m sorry, don’t put us are and delivers it to them. Also, I was at the Alamo House (a show in your magazine…While they were playing, Fletcher decided to KRXVHLQ0LQQHDSROLV DQGZHUDQRXWRIEHHUDQG+DOISLQW ZKR write “Alkaline Trio” on my naked body with an arrow pointing to XVHGWROLYHWKHUH VDLGWKDWWKHUHZDVDVSRUWVEDUFORVHE\:HDOO the nether regions, and dared me to go and put my wiener in his (Dan went and started ordering two pitchers at a time, and we would drink $QGULDQR¶V EDFNSRFNHWLQIURQWRIDVROGRXWFURZG,WKRXJKWWKDW one pitcher slowly and then have someone sneak the other one out to was funny. So I did that and that dude was pissed. Apparently—I the car. We left when they called last call, just walked out carrying just heard about this—he called the club the next day and yelled our glasses. Everyone had pitchers and pint glasses in the backseat. Ryan: That’s a good bar, Sportsman’s. Megan: 5\DQ \RX OLYH DW $ODPR House. Does anyone else? Ryan: No one. Just me. Megan: Why do you think it’s important to have house shows? Ryan: So that kids can come see shows, and it doesn’t have to have them standing in front of… what’s the name of that place? Justin: Peace and Justice? Josh: Anything Grows? Ryan: But it’s boring to be at an all-ages show where the kids aren’t allowed to do anything. Justin: It’s a good way for bands to meet other bands and kids to meet bands. Ryan: And for smaller bands who can’t get shows anywhere else. Megan: If everything is as depressing as it sounds in your songs, then what actually keeps you going? Justin:'RLQJFRNHDQG3%5/LJKW Megan:3%5OLJKW",FN Justin:3%5/LJKWUXOHV Josh: Bring it on and cocaine. Ryan: I don’t do coke. Anymore. Due to a heart thing. I don’t know. I’m an idiot. I wish I could answer that better. Megan: There’s got to be something that drives you. Ryan: Justin does. I do like traveling around even though I complain about it all the time. Megan: What’s the best way to survive a Midwestern winter? Ryan: Traveling around. Seriously, you’ve got to get out. I don’t know how anyone does that. We’re moving to San Diego. I’m moving in February. Justin is too. He just doesn’t know it yet. Josh: I’m more of a March guy. Ryan: I’m serious. Megan: On the insert of the split 7” with J Church (Grin and Bear It  WKHUH¶VDSLFWXUHRI5\DQDQG-XVWLQRQ the beach. Was that taken in January? Ryan: Yeah, that was awesome. Ryan: Everything you ask we can’t talk about. Megan: Did you go in the water? Megan: I know. Did you get your survival knife taken away Ryan: Yeah. I guess you’re not supposed to. from you? Megan:,W¶VVRFROG 7KHZDWHURIIWKHFRDVWRI&DOLIRUQLDÀRZVRQ Ryan:$SSDUHQWO\,FDQ¶W¿QGLWDQG,ERXJKWWKLV'DQ]LJORRNLQJ the California Current, which comes down from Alaska. This makes stabbing knife. IRUYHU\FROGZDWHUIRUWKHEHWWHUSDUWRIWKH\HDU Justin: Currently, we have three knives in the van and we have to Ryan: It’s not that it’s cold, but there were bacteria signs everywhere. hide them from him because he cuts his face. (Since it barely rains outside of the winter season in California, Ryan: Not like in a weird way. It’s totally normal. I don’t know WKLQJVOLNHIHFDOPDWWHULQ\DUGVDUHVZHSWRXWWRVHDZLWKWKH¿UVWIHZ where it is. UDLQIDOOVRIWKHVHDVRQPDNLQJIRUVRPHSUHWW\VNHWFK\VZLPPLQJ  Josh: It’s a totally normal kind of face-cutting. That picture was actually in Santa Monica. Ryan: But I bought that knife when I was going nuts—driving Josh: It took us thirty minutes to get that shot. nuts—and driving around Illinois. I decided I needed a knife. Ryan: Oh shit. Megan: Why were you driving around Illinois? Megan:5HDOO\" Ryan: I can’t remember why, but I just woke up and was like, “Fuck Josh: We had to get the light right. this! I’m out” And, I just left and went to Champagne, Illinois. And

59 that sucked, so I came home. And that was the beginning of a new Megan: Actually, I watched a marathon of it (Hogan Knows Best) chapter of my horrible, horrible life. yesterday, so I’d probably know it. Megan: Any particular reason you cut your face with a knife? Justin: It’s good stuff. Ryan: Just to see how sharp it is, and to creep these guys out. I think Megan:'R\RXJX\VOLNHWKDWNLQGRISRS"$ORWRISHRSOHZKR,¶P that self-mutilation is funny. It’s not like I want to cut myself so I really surprised by like Kelly Clarkson. can feel the pain. Ryan: We rock the Kelly Clarkson Megan: By my count, you only have one song that doesn’t have the Justin:,WKLQNWKH¿UVWKDOIRILWLVSKHQRPHQDO7KHODVWSDUWRILW, word “I” in it. could take it or leave it. Ryan: Really? What? Ryan: I don’t listen to music much anymore—just funny stuff on Megan: “Idiot.” the radio. It’s more entertaining than real music. Yeah, I listen to a Ryan: Are you calling me self-absorbed? lot of pop. Megan: It could be that, but it doesn’t have to be. People always Megan: I have a friend who used to do construction and he hated the assume that if someone is saying “I” that it’s actually the person music because his coworker would just play classic rock. writing it… that the writer can’t step aside and be writing in the Ryan: I work with myself, so it’s pretty much whatever I want. ¿UVW SHUVRQ DV DQRWKHU FKDUDFWHU 'R \RX ZULWH \RXUVHOI LQWR DOO Justin: My boss listens to pretty just about the worst music. A lot your songs? of… Maroon 5… anything like that is what I have to listen to all day, Ryan: Oh yeah. I don’t have stories. We used to have some, but it but it’s kind of funny. didn’t work. They’re all about me. They’re all real, and they’re all Josh: I work in a bar, so… cheesy. You have to take that with a grain of salt, everything that Ryan: He listens to his iPod. you hear. It sounds really goofy—all the lyrics do—we’re not poets; Josh: I listen to my iPod. It’s pretty up-to-date. I’ve got some we’re construction workers. Avenged Sevenfold. Megan: I think there’s also something with what you were saying Megan:,WKLQNRQHRIP\IULHQGVZDVRQWKHVDPHÀLJKWDVWKHPRQFH about stories. Some people don’t feel comfortable telling them Ryan:,WKRXJKWWKH\FRXOGÀ\RQWKHLUÀ\LQJEDWZLQJV because they don’t know it. If it hasn’t happened directly to them, then they don’t feel comfortable being the one to tell its story. Ryan: You’re obviously not talking about Rancid. Rancid tells a lot RIVWRULHV'R\RXOLNH5DQFLG" Megan: If you were to put them on, I, honestly, wouldn’t know who they are. Ryan: Really? Megan: I have really weird gaps and pockets in what I’ve listened to. Josh: What about Brooke Hogan? The Pointed Sticks were only ever active on the Vancouver punk scene for a few short years, break- ing up in 1981. Less angry and less political than DOA or the Subhumans, the band offered an energetic, well-crafted style of punk pop/new wave that seemed like it could actually catch on beyond the boundaries of Vancouver’s small scene and put the city on the map. Indeed, an EP was put out on Stiff Records, Out of Luck, and the Sticks toured England and recorded tracks for a Stiff LP that was never to be released. After they returned home, they would re-record some of these songs for Perfect Youth, distributed by the legendary local label, Quintessence, but the disap- pointment of remaining a merely local phenomenon may have been too much. After the band broke up and Quin- tessence folded, there were many years when you could hardly even find Perfect Youth or the early singles in collector’s shops, and subsequent generations of Van- couver punk kids barely even knew the Pointed Sticks had existed. Only the most devoted record collectors and music freaks remembered just how fresh, fun, and tuneful the Pointed Sticks were. The sort of devoted record collectors and music freaks you find in Japan, for instance. When members of the Pointed Sticks, Bill Napier- Hemy, and Tony Bardach got onstage with members of the Dishrags in February of 2005, to perform as part of the record release party for the reissue of the famed local anthology, Vancouver Complication, there were still no plans for a formal reunion or tour. Bill (who is married to Dishrags singer/guitarist Jade Blade) sang “The Marching Song” in place of an absent Nick Jones, and that was, as far as anyone knew, all that anyone would hear from the Pointed Sticks live ever again. Perfect Youth was out on CD, and the band’s label, Sudden Death, were working on a compilation of singles and unreleased material, Wait- ing for the Real Thing, but the offer to tour Japan in 2006 came as quite a shock to all concerned For those of you who weren’t around, you can see footage of the Pointed Sticks circa 1981 in Dennis Hopper’s movie, Out of the Blue. It’s by far the high- light of the movie, and, in addition to some vintage videos on Youtube, it’s one of the few film artifacts left of the band. I brought the DVD with me to the interview, at the Granville Street Templeton restau- rant, where members of the band used to hang out a long time ago.... Interview by Allan MacInnis Photos by Bev Davies and the band Art Junk by Amy Adoyzie Allan: Is the stuff in Out of the Blue an accurate representation of a Pointed Sticks gig at the time? Bill Napier-Hemy: Yeah, that was DFWXDOO\¿OPHGDWVRPHFXOWXUDOFHQWHU on Hastings Street—it wasn’t an actual punk venue, it was something they rented for the movie. The people you Photo provided by Pointed Sticks see dancing in it are friends of the band; we called a bunch of people up to come down. That’s what the punk scene actually looked like in Vancouver back then—it was normal, for the Real Thing. The fact is that back then, the Vancouver music geeky-looking people, people with long hair, wearing jean jackets scene was small and isolated and self-enclosed. That was one of the and glasses and ordinary clothes. It’s funny, because if you look at reasons it thrived, and it was an excellent music scene here, very the backstage scenes, there are all these mohawk and safety pin guys varied—but it wasn’t really for export. backstage—those were hand-picked folks that Hopper reckoned Allan: Ian, why did you leave the band? looked what the punks ought to look like. But it really wasn’t like Ian Tiles: I don’t really know why I left. I was being a punk that in the Vancouver scene at that time. Later on, that template rock idiot. arrived here, but back then it was pretty ordinary looking people. Allan: Dimwit replaced you? Allan: Why did the band break up? Ian: Actually, there were drummers between me and Nick Jones: The initial break up was born out of total despair. We’d him, too. I handed over the sticks to Chuck Biscuits spent the best part of three years starving, yet to all the world—well, halfway through a show at O’Hara’s. That’s how I left! to all Vancouver, anyway—we were a successful rock band on the Allan: He was also a Montgomery brother, right? Along with Bob brink of stardom. I think the last straw was broken on our one and Montgomery? only eastern tour. We were in Toronto, people were lining up around Ian: Yes. Charles Biscuits Montgomery. There were three brothers, the block at 6 PM for an 11 o’clock show, and we were staying four of which there are now two. (Ian is referring to Dimwit’s death of a WRDURRPLQVRPHFUDSKROHKRWHO4XLQWHVVHQFHKDGJRQHEDQNUXSW KHURLQRYHUGRVHDWDJHWKLUW\VL[LQ  and vinyl copies of Perfect Youth²¿YH thousand of them—were Allan: What did you do after you left? on their way to the scrap heap ‘cause no one had enough money Ian: I actually joined the Payolas, because of doing the single to pay the pressing plant. Stores in Toronto were willing to buy all ZLWKWKH3RLQWHG6WLFNV%RE5RFNZKRKDGSURGXFHGLWDQGODWHU they could get, but somehow supply never connected with demand. produced Perfect Youth, wanted me to play on this single that the :HJRWDQRIIHUIURPD7RURQWRERRNLQJ¿UPWRJLYHXVZRUNIRXU /DPSVZHUHGRLQJ7KDWZDVWKH¿UVWQDPHRIWKH3D\RODV,¶PRQ days a week playing universities—the perfect target audience for the the 7” of “China Boys.” Then for the EP I think they took me off and band—if we stayed in Toronto. I remember being in the hotel and Taylor Little took the job. having a vote, “Stay or go back home?” The majority voted to go Allan: What were the high points of “the old days?” home, and that was the end right there. I think we played a few more Ian::HOO,ZDVRQO\ZLWKWKHEDQGIRU¿YHPLQXWHVDQGWKHQWKH\ gigs after coming back, but for all intents and purposes, the fate of ZHQWRQWRPXFKJUHDWHUWKLQJVEXWZKDWDJUHDW¿YHPLQXWHVLWZDV the band was decided by a vote. Pretty democratic, I’d say. That’s the truth. We won the Battle of the Bands at the Commodore Allan:+RZGLGWKH6WLII5HFRUGVGHDOIDOOWKURXJK"3KLO6PLWKDQG in October of ‘78, and we hadn’t even been a band for very long, Dale Wiese say different things in the liner notes... I forget which but we entered and won the whole thing, which was what led to our says which, but one says Stiff went bust and the other says they UHFRUGLQJZLWK%RE5RFN didn’t like the LP you recorded with them. Nick::HZRQRYHUWKH5DQG\%DFKPDQVSRQVRUHG³&DUPHO´²JUHDW Bill: I think they’re both partially right. Stiff dissolved, and they name!—to the shock and horror of the Vancouver music industry. weren’t interested. The producer wanted us to try and expand our Ian: We had a show of our choice opening for another band coming concept, and we tried a lot of really odd stuff, but the results were to town. We chose Devo, at the Commodore. kind of weak. The best songs from those sessions are on Waiting Allan: You were the drummer for that?

63 Ian:)RUWKH¿UVWVKRZ\HDK7KHQWKH\RSHQHGIRUWKHPODWHU slogan: “The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre: Hit Someone you Love.” RQDIWHU,¶GOHIWWKHEDQGEXWIRUWKH¿UVWRQH\HDK,WZDVDOO It succeeded in attracting 1,000 of the most violent, weird, alienated, WKDWVWXIIWKDWOHGXSWRWKHVLJQLQJ ZLWK6WLII5HFRUGV ,WZDV curious people out from under their rocks for the night. It was the pretty exciting. ¿UVWWLPH,HYHUWRRNDUXQQLQJOHDSRIIWKHVWDJHDQGJRWFDXJKWE\ Allan: Any other great bands who Pointed Sticks opened for? the crowd and passed around. I was torn to bits really, and I owe Nick: Our best opening spots were for Devo, the Buzzcocks gig, and '2$EDVVLVW 5DQG\5DPSDJHP\OLIHIRUSXOOLQJPHRXW the mighty, totally under-appreciated Avengers from San Francisco, Allan:8K1LFN,KHDUGLWVDLGWKDW\RXZHUHDQ$EEDIDQ

Photo by Bev Davies: CBC TV Nov., 1979

DWWKHVHOIVDPH4XDGUD&OXE3HRSOHKDYHQRLGHDKRZJRRGWKDW Nick:>JULQV@,GLGDQGGRORYH$EED:HRQFHSOD\HG³.QRZLQJ EDQGZDV,¶GSXWWKHPZLWKWKH5DPRQHVDV$PHULFD¶VEHVWHYHU 0H.QRZLQJLondon, England in 1990—this is twelve years after both bands started—and Nick: Our Japanese fans were truly awesome. we sold singles and LPs to collectors and record shops, right? And we’re going, “Fuck, I would say the crowds ranged in age like, it’s amazing!” It made me realize how much we’d gotten ripped off by all those IURP HLJKWHHQ WR PD\EH WKLUW\¿YH DOO WRR different record companies before, and the same thing with the Pointed Sticks—they young to remember the band in its heyday. never got a fuckin’ dime back then. However, they did know all the songs, and Allan: And now?

{Continued on p.66} {Continued on p.67} 65 PDQ\RIWKHPKDGRULJLQDOYLQ\OFRSLHVRIWKH4XLQWHVVHQFH VLQJOHVIURPWZHQW\¿YH\HDUVDJR$PD]LQJ Bill: Some people had records still in their plastic. With VRPH RI WKHVH WKLQJV WKHUH ZHUH RQO\ HYHU ¿YH KXQGUHG made, and they opened them there in front of us so we could deface them with our Sharpies. We were signing DXWRJUDSKV IRU VRPHWKLQJ OLNH WZR KRXUV²¿QDOO\ ZH couldn’t anymore and we said, “We’ve got to go.” Allan: Were there any big surprises? Bill: I was standing backstage at one of the Tokyo shows when one of the opening acts, Liquid Screen, was on, and their guitarist started playing this riff that sounded kind of familiar. And then the singer started and suddenly it hit me, LWZDV³'\LQJLQ%URRNO\Q´E\7LP5D\DQG$9RII$9(3 (a later version appears on the Vancouver Complication UHLVVXHE\7LP5D\DQGWKH'UXWV ,ZURWHWKDWZLWKKLP years ago. It was this totally obscure song. I hadn’t heard it in years, and they were covering it! It blew me away! They did a Subhumans song, too. It was quite touching, how much respect they had for the music. Nick: We really want to wish the Subhumans all the best with their current reunion. Allan: What about the other opening acts? Did you see any? Bill:7KHRQH,HQMR\HGPRVWZDVFDOOHG3V\FKRWLF5HDFWLRQ7KH\ sound like the New Pornographers—a man and a woman singing together—and I really like their whole sensibility. Ian: We’re working on this DVD. We shot some footage over there with a Sony Camcorder, nothing professional, you know, but we’re editing it together, and I’ve asked that we include the opening acts’ CDs with it. We want to wrap things up in a tidy and respectful way, sort of following the Japanese model. Photo by Bev Davies: Nick and Bill, Jun 7th, 1979 Allan: How did the tour get set up? Bill:-RHFRQWDFWHGPHµFDXVH,¶PLQWRZQKHNQHZZKHUHWR¿QG me, and Nick was hard to reach because he’s on the road all the time. This all came about because people had been asking Joe about us, because DOA had done this tour in Japan. The reason he reissued RILWLQWKHYDQIURP.\RWRWR7RN\R:HKDGKRXUVRIMXVWVLWWLQJ Perfect Youth was because the Japanese encouraged him to. So we’d there, chatting. been hearing for years from Joe that there’s this market that we’ve Allan:+RZZDVWKH¿UVWSUDFWLFH" gotta do something about, so he called me up and he arranged for Nick:7KH¿UVWSUDFWLFHZDVYHU\EL]DUUH,KDGQ¶WHYHQVHHQ7RQ\ the reissue, and when that happened, there was this interest in doing for fourteen years, and none of those songs had been played by us a tour over there. Joe, of course, wants to sell records, so he was IRUWZHQW\¿YH\HDUV,WKLQNLWPXVWEHVRPHNLQGRIUHFRUGIRUWKH encouraging us to do it. He’d had such a good time there himself, so longest time between gigs by any band. We were a bit slow to get he was pretty upbeat about it. going, but it was kind of like riding a bike. After a while it all came Allan: Did anyone require any convincing? back. Ian: I didn’t! Bill::H¿UVWJRWWRJHWKHUWRSUDFWLFHZLWKRXW1LFNµFDXVHKHZDVRQ Bill:1LFNZDVDOLWWOHELWUHOXFWDQWDW¿UVWEXWDIWHUZHJRWWKHEDOO the road, and we were taking it easy. The songs sounded pretty rough, rolling, he got really enthusiastic. pretty ragged, pretty sloppy, and slow and quiet. I was deliberately Nick:$W¿UVW,GLVPLVVHGDQ\LGHDRIDUHXQLRQDVSUHSRVWHURXV,W playing very quietly so I could hear what we were doing, so it was was only when they offered to pay for everything—hotels, airfare, very tentative—but it felt really good. It was really nice to be with etc.—that we actually began to take it seriously. these guys, and after a few practices we slowly started to piece it Bill: Initially, we thought we’d be able to take our families over, but together and make it louder and faster, and then eventually it started then we found out that wasn’t going to happen. We were quite keen to sound like the Pointed Sticks. on it anyway. I mostly just wanted to go to Japan again. I’d been Nick: We practiced six times with all of us, then the other guys there in 1993, setting up an art installation for a Canadian artist—for SUDFWLFHGDIHZWLPHVZLWKRXWPHZKHQ,ZHQWEDFNWRZRUN,ÀHZ 5RGQH\*UDKDP²DWWKH6HWDJD\D*DOOHU\LQ7RN\R,WZDVDJUHDW from Amsterdam and met the other guys in Japan on a Wednesday. WLPH ,¶G ORYHG LW VR , ¿JXUHG LI VRPHRQH¶V JRLQJ WR VHQG PH WR We went out and got drunk together that night, rehearsed the next Japan, that sounds fun! GD\WKHQGURYHVHYHQKRXUVLQDYDQWR.\RWRIRUWKH¿UVWJLJ:H Allan: Were you in touch with the other members at that point? were all nervous before playing, not knowing what to expect, but the Bill: The only one I’d kept in touch with over the years was Nick. PLQXWHZHSOD\HGWKH¿UVWQRWHVRI³7KH0DUFKLQJ6RQJ´WKHIDQV I’d run into a couple of the other guys occasionally, but I hadn’t went mental—dancing, jumping and singing every word, at least talked to Tony or Ian for years, so it was kind of like getting to phonetically. After that, we knew we’d be okay, and just relaxed and know them again. There was a lot to get caught up on. We did most smoked our way through the set. We really did play well!

66 Joey:7KH\JRWWKHLU¿UVWVWDWHPHQWRIUR\DOWLHVWKUHHPRQWKVDJRDQG,¶OOGRWKHPXS again probably in the next month, and they’ll get a whole ‘nuther chunk of money. We pay them every six months, type of thing. It’s going very well. The Young Canadians and WKH0RGHUQHWWHV&'VZH¶YHSXWRXWZHVWLOOKDYHQ¶WEURNHQHYHQRQµHPZKLFKLV¿QH I’m really proud to put out all of these great bands, and you can’t make money on every record. But some things you do because it’s a labor of love. It just turns out that with the Pointed Sticks, because of this Japanese thing, has turned out really in the black. Allan: They even got money coming back from the tour, right? Joey:,FRXOGQ¶WEHOLHYHLW7KHLUDLUÀLJKWVFDPHWRDQGWKHJX\ -RHLVSUREDEO\ LQGLFDWLQJWKHVKRZ¶V-DSDQHVHSURGXFHU7RVKLRRI5HFRUG%DVH ZDVVKLWWLQJKLVSDQWV about the airfare price, because they could only go in the summertime, because Bill’s a schoolteacher. I was freaking out when I bought the tickets for them, because the price went up from $1,400 to $1,700 by the time the guy sent the money to me, and I couldn’t afford to carry it all at once. But it turned out that at the end Toshio and his partner Takahiro laid out a pile of cash and said, “This is what we have left over,” after three VKRZVDQGÀ\LQJWKHPWKHUHDQGGULYLQJWKHPDURXQG,PHDQWKLVLVDWLQ\VKRSSUREDEO\ as big as your parents’ front room, stuffed with fuckin’ great records, and he puts all the cash out... And the Sticks went, “What’s your cut?” and he went, “You decide.” It’s that Allan: Ian, how about you—you hadn’t honorable business thing they do in Japan. really been with the band that long. Was it Allan: The band says they were totally taken by surprise. weird practicing with them? Joey: The funny thing; Toshio kept askin’ those guys, “So! I want to put out Pointed Ian: For about two minutes. Only because Sticks record!” So Bill says, “Joe’s really doing good with our stuff and we’ll stick with of my doubts. I doubted whether I could do him, thank you very much”—you know, very politely, so Toshio goes, “Joe is big boss?” the job. I mean, you can imagine. Dimwit [laughs]. “I want to be big boss!” It was just really funny. Pardon me, I’m not tryin’ to was the drummer on the recordings I’d sound like a fuckin’ idiot, because I know absolutely no Japanese, but... “Joe—big boss!” been listening to, and I’m no Dimwit. Even It’s like I’ve got a fuckin’ big oak desk and a bunch of goons standing near me, and I’m though he was more powerful and hit harder like, “Go break his arms. He’s only sold 100,000 records. The guy’s a bum!” and all that, he had way more chops than Allan: Great, well, good luck with that. Well, it’s good to get respect... Thanks for takin’ me. And he brings a different sensibility to the time. it—just pure power pop. Joey: Yeah, don’t mention it. By the way, how’s your slapshot? [Laughs]. Sorry, you Allan: You admired him? must fuckin’ get that all the time... (I share the name Allan MacInnis with a famous Ian: He was just a great drummer. He really &DOJDU\KRFNH\SOD\HU took it up a notch, y’know. I loved Dimwit. I played with him over the years and I’d seen him play and been friends with him. I Vancouver-based Noize To Go record store owner Dale Wiese actually quit drugs because of Dimwit. After is a long-time friend to Pointed Sticks; Dale served as he died. the compilation producer for Waiting for the Real Thing and Bill: I only recently learned some of the wrote the liner notes for the Perfect Youth reissue. He’s circumstances surrounding Dimwit’s been a fixture of the Vancouver record-collecting scene death. It was very tragic. He was a guy since his days at Quintessence, the store/label that issued who was always full of life. He was not a the original Pointed Sticks singles and album. We talked at candidate for an early grave. As for drugs, Noize To Go about the band’s Japanese tour and the revival I don’t really have much to say. Some of interest in their music. He tells me that “working on people in the punk scene were into them. the re-issues has been a gas, and it’s really gratifying to Some died. Some were in bad shape and read reviewer comments like ‘how did I overlook this band then cleaned up. for so long?’” Ian: Dimwit was a big part of the tour. His presence was always right there, and rightfully so. We were all friends of his and we were all big fans of his, so he came up all the time. We all felt it. Allan: What did people do after the break up? Can you bring us up to date? Nick: I went into a deep, four-year Allan::KDWZDV\RXU¿UVWH[SHULHQFHRIVHHLQJWKHEDQGOLYH" depression! [laughs]. But seriously, not Dale:7KH¿UVWWLPH,VDZWKHPWKH\ZHUHRSHQLQJIRU:UHFNOHVV(ULFDWWKH&RPPRGRUH PXFKIRUWKH¿UVWOLWWOHELW,SOD\HGZLWKD early October 1979. Dimwit hadn’t been in the group all that long, so he still had his ratty URFNDELOO\ EDQG FDOOHG %XGG\ 6HO¿VK ZLWK Subhumans kit. The drums were mismatched, color-wise, so you knew it was going to be Ian, then later a great unknown band called DQXQGHUJURXQGH[SHULHQFH,KDGRQO\KHDUGWKHLU³5HDO7KLQJ´VLQJOHDQGWKHLUFXWIURP +XQWLQJ 3DUW\ ZLWK 5DQG\ &DUSHQWHU :H WKH9DQFRXYHUFRPSLODWLRQ ³0DUFKLQJ6RQJ´ DWWKDWSRLQWDQG,ZDVNQRFNHGRXWE\ made two great tapes that no one wanted to their song catalogue; one gem after another. As for the music, I loved it. It was the perfect listen to (one of which, as of this writing, blend of rawness and punk attitude with a pop sensibility. is available on Laurie Mercer’s Coolforever

{Continued on p.68} {Continued on p.69} 67 VLWH WKHQZHEURNHXSZKHQ,KDGNLGVDQGVWDUWHGZRUNLQJLQWKH to be so much fun, so we’re not closing the door on doing more gigs, music merchandising business. and maybe even recording new material, if it’s up to snuff. Allan: Bill, I gather you’re also still involved in music? Ian [looks sidelong at Bill and Nick]: I want these guys to write a Bill: I teach music to dyslexic kids in a small school called the Fraser new single again. You guys are the songwriters! Academy, in Vancouver. Allan: An actual 7” vinyl single? Allan:5HDOO\"'R\RXWHDFKWKHPWRUHDGPXVLF" Ian: Why not? Bill: Well I don’t. It’s really tough, because they have a hard enough Nick [mimes deep thinking]: Yeah, maybe we’ll make another WLPHUHDGLQJ(QJOLVKDQGUHDGLQJPXVLFLVPRUHGLI¿FXOW,WKLQN single, and we’ll put it out on 7” vinyl only, just to be perverse. So no, we do it from tabs and from memory. I mean, most people Allan: Where did you guys play, exactly? play rock music without reading anyhow. But I do some tabs, bass Nick:7KHFOXEVZHSOD\HGZHUH:KRRSHHVLQ.\RWRDQG6KHOWHU tablature, with piano some chord symbols, and diagrams. I teach Club in Shimatazawa in Tokyo. They’re all known punk clubs that from Grade Five. Their hands are just strong enough to make a have hosted lots of great acts. VRXQGRQWKHJXLWDU$Q\\RXQJHUDQGLW¶VYHU\GLI¿FXOWWRPDNHD Allan: Any thoughts on Japan? sound on the guitar... Nick: Japanese fans rule! They’re a very advanced civilization. They’ve Allan: Ian, how about you? moved past so much of the bullshit that still clutters up our western Ian: I’ve drummed rockabilly for tons of years. I played with Herald lives. Plus, they do have the world’s best food and good beer. 1L[LQDEDQGFDOOHGWKH

Allan: How has the response been locally to Pointed Sticks reissues? Dale: It’s been excellent. It’s just as tough to get attention now as David from Vancouver, who had seen the Pointed it was back then, but lots of younger fans have be picking up both Sticks several times during the Vancouver of the Sudden Death releases. Pointed Sticks are more popular now years, playing with the K-Tels (later the WKDQWZHQW\¿YH\HDUVDJRFHUWDLQO\RQDJOREDOVFDOH,W¶VDFOLFKp Young Canadians) and the Modernettes, managed to say it, but that tells me their music is timeless, they are a band to catch up with the band during their Japanese for the ages. It’s a real kick to play something from the Waiting for tour. This was sent in via email. Thanks to the Real Thing compilation for young kids that come into the shop. Janet Murie! They are always surprised that it’s not a new band. Allan: Why do you think their music holds up so well now? Dale: Production techniques have changed, but great melodic songs DQG DQ LGHQWL¿DEOH SHUVRQDOLW\ WR WKHLU VRXQGYRFDOV NH\ERDUGV punchy drums, and cool guitars, give Pointed Sticks an edge over dozens of their contemporaries. Call it punk, new wave, power pop, whatever you like, I don’t think there’s been a better Canadian David: Freaking brilliant how a bunch of old guys could sound album this year (than Waiting for the Real Thing DWOHDVWQRQHZLWK as good as they used to. It’s also spooky how the small venue was as many cool songs. SDFNHG KXQGUHGSOXV ZLWK-DSDQHVHNLGVZKRZHUHQRWHYHQERUQ Allan: Why do you think the Japanese in particular are so taken when the band broke up, and yet knew every word to every song. with them? Yours truly was the middle aged gaijin in the mosh pit at the front Dale: Everybody knows about the “big in Japan” cliché, but I think RIWKHVWDJHWKHZKROHQLJKW7KLUW\SOXVGHJUHHV FHQWLJUDGH DQG they take their pop culture pretty seriously. And since theirs agrees I ended up sweaty, bruised, and happy. There were four foreigners with mine, I’d say they have great taste! The clips on youtube.com and the rest rabid Japanese Sticks fans. Hard to believe how Nick show that fans were genuinely thrilled to have the band play there. I Jones’s voice still has the same magic after all these years. Bill think the Japanese promoter called it “the July miracle!” Napier Hemy had the dazed look of a college professor that had Allan: Any other comments on the band or their place in the fallen down a rabbit hole. I think they were all amazed and somewhat Vancouver scene? ÀDEEHUJDVWHGDWWKHIDQDWLFLVPRIWKH-DSDQHVH7KH\HDVLO\UHOLYHG Dale: Just that it’s cool that they are getting this chance to tie glory days long gone by. In fact, I am not sure Vancouver fans were up some loose ends, have some fun, and remind everybody ever as obsessed as the Tokyo fans. The opening act was a blistering how creative that small scene was. There may even be another WKUHH SLHFH -DSDQHVH SXQN EDQG WKH 5D\GLRV ZKR VRXQGHG DQG couple of projects to follow. Hopefully, I’ll be able to help out. looked like they had gone to punk rock school to get every note and snarl perfect. Damn, I feel retro!

69

get, but the Stiff release, “Out of Luck,” was played by punk club DJs, and they became very popular, both among fans of hard punk and power pop groups. From Japanese female fan Mami Mizukawa: Allan: What other Vancouver bands are popular over there? Toshio: DOA, the Modernettes, the Subhumans and the Dishrags are I like Pointed Sticks because their songs always make me happy. I also popular here. I want the Modernettes to tour! I really like the Teen think their songs have a great huge power. Every melody they make City 12”. Their early discs are very expensive here; so are DOA’s. is perfect and they always make my face smile. I haven’t ever met Allan: What are your favorite songs by the Pointed Sticks? such a wonderful band like them. When their show started, I was Toshio: My favorite songs by Pointed Sticks are “What Do You almost crying out for happiness. Want Me to Do?” and “Somebody’s Mom” ...and all the rest! Allan: Tell me the story of the tour. From Fumi Shutoh: Toshio:$W¿UVW,FRXOGQ¶WEHOLHYHP\HDUVZKHQ,KHDUGWKDWWKH band had agreed to come to Japan. In the beginning, they were going A friend in Canada who’s lived in Japan for a long time introduced to come to Japan in the summer of 2005, however, it was extended me to the Pointed Sticks, and I became a fan at once. When to the year 2006 because a Nikki Corvette concert was already Japanese fans found out they were coming we couldn’t sleep from VFKHGXOHG7KHGDWHVRIWKHFRQFHUWZHUH¿[HGIRUWKHGD\VLQODWH the excitement! Their shows were even better than I imagined and I July due to their work schedules, so they couldn’t visit many cities. sang along with all the songs. Their sounds are very catchy and easy I wished they could have held more concerts. It was especially to remember. Nick’s voice hugs my heart closely with the sound! interesting that I was able to see in them something of their youth, even though they were older. Sorry! [laughs]. When I listened to From Masao Nakagami, who runs the label Target “Out of Luck” live, I got goosebumps! Earth, which released the Raydio’s 7”, and who Allan::HUHWKHUHDQ\GLI¿FXOWDVSHFWVRIWKHWRXU" was in attendance at one of the Tokyo shows: Toshio: , KDG WURXEOH DUUDQJLQJ IRU WKH NH\ERDUGV 7KHLU ¿UVW choice of keyboards had really startling rental fees, but, though The several hundred people who attended the concert will forever there were some in Japan, we couldn’t provide them in time, so remember that the Pointed Sticks came to Japan. The show was we went with their second choice. They were vintage and also unforgettable. It was held on the same day as the Fuji Rock Festival very expensive. While they were performing, the band sprinkled We were totally right in choosing to gather at Club Shelter instead some water around the stage, and I was worried that the expensive (though I think most of us were not originally interested in Fuji). keyboard might get wet! I broke into a cold sweat. Also, when they $QLPSRUWDQWIDFWRULQP\NQRZLQJDERXWWKHEDQGZDVWKH¿OP arrived in Japan, the vocalist Nick came from Europe and other Out of the Blue. In that movie, I had the impression that Nick, the members came from Canada. I traveled between Tokyo and Narita vocalist, was cool and Dimwit was wild. They made a good contrast DLUSRUWWZLFHLQRQHGD\,WZDVWKH¿UVWWLPH,¶GHYHUGRQHWKDW, with each other. Before I saw this movie, I’d imagined that Nick left home at 6 AM on that day and it was past 7 PM when I took all ZDVHQHUJHWLFERXQFLQJDURXQGOLNHDVSULQJ$IWHUVHHLQJWKH¿OP the members to the hotel! [laughs]. I listen to their records a little differently. Anyway, they were very Allan: Anything fans should know about the Japanese scene? cool in the movie. Toshio: Japan also has many good bands whose members engage 7KHLU DSSHDUDQFHV KDYH FKDQJHG EHFDXVH WZHQW\¿YH \HDUV in jobs other than music, but continue to play good music. Foreign passed. I was most impressed by the guitarist, Bill’s, intelligence. people don’t have a lot of chances to hear Japanese music, so if It’s really great that such a guy performs punk. Nick was one of you’re interested, please contact us at Base! those who introduced punk to Vancouver from London and was the main songwriter of the group. He was almost bald, but he seemed www.recordshopbase.com really cool. According to Mr. Okutaki, who wrote an article in Doll Magazine about the Pointed Sticks, the Pointed Sticks were Thanks to Joe (and everyone at Sudden Death), Toshio (and everyone at LQÀXHQFHGE\%ULWLVKSXQNFDPHEDFNWR9DQFRXYHUDQGSXWWKHLU BASE), Dale at Noize to Go!, Masao and Target Earth, David and Janet, the ideas into practice. I think their talent is amazing. They didn’t play Pointed Sticks, Mami and Fumi and the Myspace and Mixi fans! stereotyped punk, but played punk creatively. Their sound is so natural they must be matchlessly gifted musicians. Extra special thanks to my good friend Michiko Tomoyasu for her work as translator! Minasan, boku no nihongo ga hidoi desu ga. I really enjoyed Pointed Sticks’ live show! They did a great Doomo arigatoo gozaimasu!!! job of reproducing the sound off their records. They were cool and intelligent. Pointed Sticks will always remain in the memory of several hundred people who saw them. I will also remember them forever. It’s great that they reunited to please Japanese fans!

Toshio Iijima of Record Base, the Man Who Organized the Tour

Allan: How did Japanese fans get to know the Pointed Sticks? Toshio: Because of the Killed by Death compilation in the early ‘90s, some Japanese came to take interest in the worldwide punk bands that they didn’t know well but were active from the late ‘70s through the early ‘80s. As a result, the existence of Pointed Sticks spread by word of mouth. At that time, their records were hard to 71 “Entropy: often interpreted as the degree of disorder or randomness in the system; lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder. Deterioration, degeneration, crumbling, decline, degradation, decomposition, breaking down, collapse; disorder, chaos.”

made me want to go “do something.” I think I was kicked out of most of my junior high classes at one point or another I’m not sure how far back to go, or if anyone really cares, for quoting Entropy lyrics to a teacher. “So Why Are You Still but Entropy is partially responsible for who I am today. I’ve Plugged into the Wall” was scrawled across my locker door. known these guys for twenty years; more than half of my I’m not going to compare them to other bands, I’m just life. If it wasn’t for this band, I may never have learned to going to tell you, go see them, listen to their music, and play drums. There were a lot of local bands in the West L.A., read the words. Santa Monica area in the mid ‘80s, but this is the band that I “got.” The music was dynamic and catchy, and the words Nick Fit: I’m most surprised that Dave’s alive, that we actually can still stand each other, and that it’s the same four original guys, David Hinnebusch— vocals ZKLFKLVWRWDOO\EL]DUUH7KHVHWZR1LFN &KDYH] DQG'DYHZLOO Nick Chavez— guitar still bitch at each other about the same crap from years ago and me Evan Shanks—bass and Evan will get drunk in the parking lot the way we always did. Nick Fit— drums Evan,¶PDOVRVXUSULVHGWKDWZHUHOHDVHGRXU¿UVWVLQJOHLQ Nick Fit: We were waiting for the right deal. Interview and photos by Julia Smut Evan: I think, in the eighties, we thought it would happen a hell of a lot sooner. Nick,W¶VJUHDWµFDXVH\RX PH-XOLD MXVWFDPHGRZQDQGVDLG Nick Fit: Crap, there’s no beer so I can’t go [makes a can opening “Alright, you guys are going to go in the studio and you’re going noise] “another birthday beer opens.” to record a single and I’m going to put it out on my new label.” David: Did you just do the “birthday beer” line and I missed it? And that was it. Julia

72 Julia: At that point, you and all those bands were all at the same Evan: I like to think in the early ’80s, we were like D.O.A. and Nick level. You played the same shows, same clubs… So what do you was our Chuck Biscuits. think about what they’ve done with themselves? Nick Fit: Hey, we have the cool Johnny Thunders guitar. I think Evan: They were consistent, they stuck with it, and, for us, after Nick is a very instinctively gifted guitar player. ’86, things really tapered off as far as how hard we were charging at Julia: You’re all self-taught musicians, correct? it, how hard we were actually working at it. By then we had to start All: Yeah. taking care of ourselves. David: I met Chavez in junior high in jazz band. He was playing David: They did what any successful punk band does… self publish guitar and I was playing saxophone. We became friends and he got and not do drugs. me into punk rock. Evan:KHQZHZHUHRQWKDWWRXUWKH\DOUHDG\KDGWKHLU¿UVW´RXW Nick Chavez: I played drums in junior high and then guitar in tenth on Mystic. grade. Nick Fit: And Mike kept plugging away, doing the same thing. David+HWRRNPHWRP\¿UVWSXQNVKRZDWWKH Through all those hair bands and crossover shit, they kept putting Whisky, then the Stardust later. out stuff and touring. Then when the time was right and those “punk” Julia 7KDW ZDV DW 8QL 8QLYHUVLW\ +LJK doors started opening up again, they were right there, waiting. School, school to Darby Crash, some of the David: I asked Fat Mike about putting a record out for us, maybe &LUFOH-HUNV:DVWHGYo La Tengo, I Can Hear the Daryl Gussin because of the way he looks.” DOZD\VGR Heart Beating as One CD • Watson, Killing Momentum, 3. “I like government jobs that • To a group of working 3. Meneguar, I was Born at and pretty much every other actually help people.” laborers: “I can buy all of you!” Night CD recent A.D.D. release. 4. “I think I can drive. Okay, • To shoppers at Wal-Mart: 4. The Weakerthans, bootleg • Defect Defect, demo, 7”, and maybe not.” “Shouldn’t ya’ll be busy from European tour MP3 live three times in four days. 5. When returning to the making this stuff and not 5. The Jesus and Mary Chain, • Tanner, “Hot Trunk” station, “Yeah, I remember you, buying it?” Barbed Wire Kisses 12” • Lawrence Arms, Oh Calcutta! you’re thee cop.” • To club goers at a disco: • Gazebo shows!!! “Ya’ll can’t step to dis!” Chris Devlin Jimmy Alvarado • To someone checking you Top Five Things I Learned Dave Disorder Five Swell Things out: “I’m your ticket About Tiltwheel in 2006 1. Todd Taylor’s love for my ‡$FFRPSDQ\LQJ.DUOD to freedom.” 1. In 2010 Jay Wang will go to dog Bruiser’s gigantic gravity Jacquie, and Susie to a WKH866HQDWHGHIHDWLQJERWK grubbin’ genitalia. screening of Flushed Away. Aphid Peewit Arnold Schwarzenegger and 2. Hidden Spots mp3’s Fun movie, funner company. • NinaE\%ODJ'DKOLD ERRN Barbara Boxer with the slogan: on Myspace • The Brat and Thee • Jud Jud, No Tolerance “I’m Gay for Tampa Jay.” 3. Borat “Very Nice” 8QGHUWDNHUVDW/D0DQR3UHVV for Instruments 7” 2. Paul Trash wipes his ass back 7R\V7KDW.LOOShanked Proof positive you just can’t • Big Fuckin Skull, Fuckin to front. He claims to do so 5. Future Virgins 7” fuck with East L.A. punk rock. Skulls Kill Kill CDEP without getting shit on his balls. • Me ’n’ my homie Pat Perez • Heino, Deutsche Weihnacht, 3. Davey is a really good kisser. Designated Dale ¿OPLQJWKHDIRUHPHQWLRQHG (‘70s Xmas gatefold LP w/ 4. Just when you think they’ve 1. The Marked Men, Fix My show, and seeing lotsa old SRSXSQDWLYLW\VFHQH blacked out for the night they will Brain LP. One word: “Sadist.” friends there. • The Spectacular Legacy of the stumble onto their feet and play Fee-uck, yeah. • The Guns, Attack CD AWA '9' the best show you have ever seen. 2. 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Person putting your commercial into a tear-jerking ballad. reviewable in the mail: Seven years together and this is their full album art is required ¿UVW IXOOOHQJWK 7KXPEV XS ±7RGG for review. 1R,GHD  Pre-releases go into BLACK BEAUTIES, THE: the trash. Catch a Beat: CD Whine, whine, whine, guitar, guitar, the bass is lost in the mix, and the drums are only there to keep the beat. 999: Self-titled: CD Live, I bet they’d be boring except I’d This long in the tooth—and still guarantee this guy prances a whole lot on stage, which would push it DFWLYH²EDQG¶V ¿UVW DOEXP JHWV WKH digipack treatment, including a lyric from simply ignorable into annoying. booklet, liner notes, and bonus cuts ±0HJDQ )XOO%UHDFK.LFNV from assorted singles. While the band tamed quite a bit by the early BLACK SS / HOW WE ARE: Split: 7” Fuck yeah, this is what a split 7” is µVWKLV¿UVWDOEXPFDWFKHVWKHEDQG somewhere between their pub rock supposed to be. Two equally kick-ass roots and some raw punk. Where bands both rippin’ through a couple “Emergency” slinks, “I’m Alive” tracks each. The album art is really Jay Reatard is Gary good; both sides feature well composed VDYDJHV ERWK RI WKHP ¿QH H[DPSOHV of what 999 were/are capable of live photos from the respective bands. when given the chance. The album is Numan on meth and beer. No matter how hard I searched this easily a high point in early punk, but UHFRUG , FRXOGQ¶W ¿QG RQH WUDFH RI pretension, just true as fuck hardcore WKH VLQJOHV WUDFNV LQFOXGLQJ ³4XLWH Disappointing,” and the stunning –Speedway Randy from upstate New York. How can I “Nasty Nasty,” are the real gems here. complain about a release that has the lines, “Eugenics would have bred ±-LPP\$OYDUDGR &DSWDLQ2L out worthless scum like you / You’re ALLUMETTES, LES: Close Cover not the master race, you’re mongrels Before Striking: CDEP being shed and discarded like too- ZHUHLQ5./DWRQHWLPH$WDQ\UDWH too.”? Hohoho, ouch. –Daryl (Stop This album is a pleasant little surprise. small sweaters. What’s evolving is a GH¿QLWHO\VROLGDQGLQWHUHVWLQJLIQRW :KLQLQJ6WDUW:LQQLQJ Evoking images of nature, winter, band that’s beginning to realize their necessarily an immediate adrenaline potential of putting pop and punk rush. And seriously, this must be BLACK SUNDAY: Cut Out!: 7”EP DQG DQLPDOV EH¿WWLQJ WKHLU &DQDGLDQ origins, Les Allumettes deliver four together in a way that shows their some of the best production I’ve ever Black Sunday is all about the strong tracks rife with quirky lyrics, hearts without it being a cheap iron- heard on an independent label record. crookedness of the slithering driving guitars, and complex drum on that’ll fade in time, while never ±$GULDQ )DW:UHFN synthesizer, the wickedness of the beats. The music is largely of the forgetting that people like to shake smile that it’s all okay if you just trust mellow, indie rock variety, but some WKHLUDVVHV±7RGG 6QXII\6PLOHV BAD REACTION: her, and the sharpened musical brain, moments, like when lead singer Symptoms of Youth: LP cutting like a laser. With Alicja Trout Natasha Beaudin lets loose and yells, BAD ASTRONAUT: Twelve Small .LOOHU VQRWW\ KDUGFRUH ,PPHGLDWHO\ at the helm, I can’t help but hold on “I got music! I got the crowd!” point Steps, One Giant Disappointment: CD EULQJV =HUR %R\V WR PLQGGR \RX for the ride and enjoy any musical to the band members’ collective roots I know these guys have been around know how rare and cool that is? This scenery she imagines: this time into in the Ottawa, Ontario punk scene. – a while, but the only time I can recall is exactly what I hope to hear when new wave, goth, art territory. (If hearing any of their previous stuff I put on a hardcore record. Perfect you’re looking for more rock, hit up -HQQLIHU:KLWHIRUG %DVHPHQW$WWLFN was a track off one of the Warped hardcore punk, simply perfect. It does WKH HTXDOO\ H[FHOOHQW 5LYHU &LW\ 7DQ ANTIJUSTICE / CHINESE Tour “Floyd” comps (and to be not get any better than this. This is /LQHV 7KHVHDUHSODFHV,UDUHO\YLVLW TELEPHONES: Split 7” completely honest, I can’t remember the biggest surprise I have had since I on my own nowadays, but with an Antijustice: intellectually, they seem WKH VRQJ DW DOO  $FFRUGLQJ WR WKH picked up that amazing Funeral Shock expert like Alicja at the helm—sorta very concerned with the color wheel, sticker on the front of the jewel case, LP a few years back. Highest possible like Mr. Wonka—these strange, with song titles “My Color, Your the band features Joey and Derrick of recommendation. This fucker roolz!! foreign worlds become not only Lagwagon and Marko of Sugarcult. palatable but fascinating, fun, and &RORU¶V´DQG³+H,VD5DLQERZ´DQG ±0LNH)UDPH 'HVWUR\$OO5HFRUGV many lyrical mentions to grey. Odd. Beyond recognizing the band names, addictive. This is suggested for brave Musically, these Osaka dudes could this really means very little to me BILLY REESE PETERS: ears and minds that don’t mind a little have easily emerged from late ‘90s as I’ve never heard a single thing Almost Heaven: CD VWUHWFKLQJ±7RGG 7LF7DF7RWDOO\  Midwestern America pop punk scene. Lagwagon’s done and I only know the The leanest rock’n’roll isn’t the most (Perhaps there’s a subway. It seems the one Sugarcult song. So approaching simple. Never make that mistake. It BLACK TIME: Message Japanese always have a leg up on those this CD with virgin ears and no has muscles hiding underneath and from Control Tower: 7” preconceptions, what can I say? Well, doesn’t tire after repeated listens. More plucky than a nine-legged WHFKQRORJLHV $QGZLWKDQ\-DSDQHVH punk band I’ve ever heard, they play to sum it up, this sounds like veteran Also, never mistake meaty chops for chicken. Probably recorded with one better than Americans and we’d feel ‘90s era Epi-Fat pop punkers making dunderhead cock rock. In one respect, microphone and track and fuck if that shame for that if we didn’t have beer music that melodically seems to owe WKHGXGHVRI%LOO\5HHVH3HWHUVZHUH ain’t the right way to do it, W.C. Handy and hot dogs to rub into our wounds. a lot to the song “Hotel California” born in the wrong era—of Cheap style. Side A’s “Human Pinball” and Oh, and the beginning sounds a bit like EXWZLWKDOOWKHSURGXFWLRQÀRXULVKHV Trick, Creedence, AC/DC, Tom “Public Information Film” are snappy the Avengers. Chinese Telephones: from a later day Flaming Lips album Petty—all of which they channel. But, garage harmonies with some of Mick Going out are the simple, traceable that seem to make a few dozen new fuck it. They’re born perfectly in time. Collins’ blood in them, dancing hooks of their previous incarnation, things pop up every time you listen to They’re a clarifying band, a wrecking muddy rock. Side B is a little less, two Hot Carl. Coming in are sophisticated the album. In short: very interesting. It ball, reminding self-righteous punks quick grooves rather than songs, but songs—no, not douchebag “I mess took a few listens to take it all in, but allergic to a good time of the pure, catchy. You might think they practice up my hair just right so it looks like it’s growing on me. The songs are all sonic salve of self-effacing dude while drunk but try so hard it works in I don’t care” sophistication—but that pretty uniformly strong, but for some URFN¶Q¶UROO %LOO\ 5HHVH LV QRW RQO\ WKH HQG 5HFRPPHQGHG ±6SHHGZD\ hard-to-pinpoint, “I’m looking inside reason, the only one that really seems a band that induces Angus Young’s 5DQG\ 5HKDEUHKDEUHFRUGVFRP and trying to write pop songs that to stick out as a whole is “Stillwater, high-knee’d strutting, encourages a bite and snarl and shout for me.” And California.” It’s a pretty touching level of partying that could kill small BLACKLIST BRIGADE: it’s paying off. The less memorable tribute to departed band member and animals, makes you strong enough Slit-Noise Hymns: CD moments and leaning against obvious drummer Derrick Plourde, along with to lounge naked in a bath tub of ice I was immediately turned off by the Jason and Bomer. I believe all three and beer, but, secretly, are some of rough-hewn recording and big jumps LQÀXHQFHV RI HDUOLHU RXWLQJV DUH 78 in sound quality, but then I trudged be wrong. Please let it not be so, chop to the throat. I’m thankful that a little biased when it comes to through this thing a few times and then $O  DQG WKH VNLQ KH ZDV ERUQ LQ great rock’n’roll has more in common East L.A. punk rock. Consider it found myself putting it on well after just happened to be white. Hmmm. with Tic Tac Toe than chess; more to the musical equivalent to being a I could’ve written a review and been I’m gonna have to disagree with the do with heart than head. I’m thankful Dodgers or Yankees fan, except that done with it. So there’s some promise band’s thesis. (Assholes come in all WKDWWXEDVDQGFHOORVDUHUHDOO\GLI¿FXOW there are no hot dogs, no one is paid a here; they’re taking some heavy cues VKDSHVVL]HVDJHVDQGFRORUV :KDW WR¿WLQWRYDQVLWNHHSVWKHHOHPHQWV² fraction of what Barry Bonds pulls in, from Smalltown, Juvenile Product I don’t disagree with is that the band JXLWDU EDVV GUXP V ²VLPSOH $QG and bats have wholly different uses. and Streets of San Francisco-era completely rips in a Dead Nation, I’m thankful for Bob Burns And The Now that that’s out of the way, trust 6ZLQJLQJ8WWHUVDVZHOODVDKHDY\ Cut The Shit! sorta of way: chunky Breakups for understanding that to me when I say that you truly need nod to the Pogues. Mushmouthed, hardcore with plenty of traction and rock, all you need is a wicked beat, this in yer collection, kids. The Brat FRQ¿GHQW µVW\OHG SXQN WKDW MXVW acceleration with no heed of the something to slash, and the power and were/are one of the better-known misses the mark of being really, ¿QLVKOLQH±7RGG 7KLUG3DUW\ energy to stomp it all down. No-frills, bands from the area, and the solid really good, mostly because of the back-to-breaking-bones-and-hearts musicianship, smart, taut songwriting aforementioned sound quality and BLIGHT: Detroit: The URFN¶Q¶UROOZLOODOZD\V¿QGDSODFHLQ and the desire to push past what’s the lack of coherency in the way the Dream Is Dead: CD my collection. Go, Wisconsin. –Todd expected illustrate why. Originally tracks are presented. One swaggering, Subtitled The Collected Works of a 3ODVWLF,GRO released back in the mists of time near-acoustic track after another, Midwest Hardcore Noise Band, this we now know as the early 1980s, then a few pogo-punk numbers in a LV 7HVFR 9HH¶V ¿UVW EDQG WKDW PDGH BOYS, THE: Self-titled: CD Attitudes, as well as two tracks on row—why not streamline the record it to tape. Not quite in the humorous From the ashes of the glam band the Los Angelinos compilation, is by splitting them up so they don’t vein that his Meatmen releases were Hollywood Brats came this monster pretty much all the initial incarnation EOHQG LQWR HDFK RWKHU" 5HJDUGOHVV lyrically. This CD is harsh, noisy, and of a band, and their pedigree is PDQDJHG WR UHOHDVH 7KH ¿YH WUDFNV there’s still something relentlessly annoying to others. That’s the sign evident in the songs contained herein. here cover a lot of ground—the anthemic about Slit-Nose Hymns, of a classic record. This band only Tunes like “First Time,” “Sick on reggae undertow of “Swift Moves,” but with a brighter, more consistent did four shows when they were in You” (originally recorded by the the punk/pop of the title track and recording and a more straight-arrow existence. Blight is kind of like The DIRUHPHQWLRQHG %UDWV  ³&RS &DUV´ “Starry Night,” the hardcore roar of approach to what songs got included 5LWHV2I6SULQJRI'HWURLW$QG7HVFR DQG ³.LVV /LNH D 1XQ´ VRXQG OLNH “High School,” the morose isolation on the record, it could’ve been stellar. just slammed the door on any reunion glam gone on a speed bender, with of “Leave Me Alone”—all of it ±.HLWK5RVVRQ 1R)URQW7HHWK shows in recent blog post. “Dream of zippy tempos, catchy choruses, and sweetened by infectious hooks and Dead” and “Armageddon” are two a seriously tight rhythm section. The Teresa Covarrubias’ voice, which BLANK STARE: White Hell, White barnburners. Tesco—come back to result is one of the best, and most she isn’t afraid to use to actually sing Corpse b/w White Race-White music again. The world needs more criminally underrated, punk records rather than yell. The good news is Waste: 7”EP Tesco. Now if we could only get WRFRPHRXWRIWKHLQLWLDO8.SXQN WKDW D  WKH\¶UH DOVR RXW DQG SOD\LQJ I think they’re going with a theme 1HFURV RQ DQ RI¿FLDO &'" ±6HDQ wave. Added treats here include the DJDLQ E  DQ ³DQWKRORJ\´ GLVF RI “white people suck.” There it is, in .RHSHQLFN 7RXFK *R single versions of “I Don’t Care” and unreleased material and a DVD of the lyrics: “the whole white race is “Soda Pressing,” some outtakes and a assorted performances are in the a fucking disgrace.” I say, “Your BOB BURNS AND THE “long version” of “First Time,” which ZRUNV F  ZLWK WKLV QRZ UHPDVWHUHG postulate is perhaps incorrect.” What BREAKUPS: Self-titled 7” includes an extra verse. –Jimmy and on CD, you can now blast this DERXW $O 4XLQW HGLWRU DZHVRPH RI I’m thankful that great rock’n’roll has $OYDUDGR &DSWDLQ2L bad boy from your car stereo without Suburban Voice?” (They thank him nothing to do with quantum physics; having to worry about the needle on LQWKHQRWHV ,GRQ¶WWKLQNKH¶VHYHU that one doesn’t need any sort of BRAT, THE: Attitudes: CDEP the record player bouncing all over done anything bad in his life (I may degree to understand a sonic karate All right, I’ll admit I’m more than the place. My suggestion is you get your grubby paws on a copy by any concept album—the concept being in America. If you haven’t noticed CHRONIC SEIZURE: Self-titled: 7” EP means necessary, ‘cause although that it was written/recorded as a them before, maybe you should now. Every large city has one, and Chronic East Los has long maintained a solid birthday present to a friend of theirs. ±'RQRIWKHGHDG +DYRF Seizure may be one of them. (I’m batting average, this is one of those Like a lot of the PIX stuff, this is all SURJQRVWLFDWLQJ KHUH  /LIHU GXGHV occasions when the eastside kids IDLUO\ OR¿ DFRXVWLF VWXII VRPH RI CHESTERFIELD: Destination Solid hardcore tunes. “Love Minor handily sent the ball sailing over the which gets pretty silly at times, and Nowhere: CDEP Threat?” “You betcha!” “Want some fences. –Jimmy Alvarado (www. some of which takes more than one First song: “With you gone, I’ll never real hardcore?” “Hell yeah. No P\VSDFHFRPWKHEUDW listen to get used to. Now, this may make it. You took my heart, now don’t eyeliner or metal bullshit…and only QRW EH ÀDZOHVV EXW IRU ZKDW LW LV D you break it. If I could just look into the early Necros.” And that’s exactly BUCKSHOT: Facelift: CD-R simple folk punk record, done entirely your eyes, and feel your heart beat next what comes out; catchy riffs, lightning Boogadaboogada in about three days, while the dude to mine.” Look, I’ve been to Medford, delivery, played in an understandably %853%853$5555***++++ ZDV DSSDUHQWO\ VLFN  LW¶V VWLOO UHDOO\ Oregon before. It’s a pretty shitty town. hard fashion, totally realized, and as Multiply that times eleven and you good. I’ll add that if someone called I understand. But that does not excuse crisp and clear as ice on a frozen lake. pretty much got a handle on what me up and told me “Hey, Captain the fact that I felt it necessary to actually You can almost see a barely working this sounds like. Although the music Chaos is playing at the Laundromat in turn this down for fear of people van idling in the distance and hear was wholly uninteresting, the song our cruddy town tonight,” I’d eagerly actually thinking that I was putting it of some regional tours planned. I’d titles were a hoot: “Giving Acid to a KHDGRYHU±-RH(YDQV,,, &UDIW\ on of my own volition. Six songs that totally watch them if they were on a *RULOOD:KR.QRZV6LJQ/DQJXDJH´ straddle the four-minute mark; lifeless, ELOO±7RGG )DVKLRQDEOH,GLRWV “Colossal Meat Smorgasbord,” “True CAUSTIC CHRIST: Lycanthropy: LP mid-tempo “melodic punk” with wah- Love is a Belt-Fed Weapon.” –Jimmy I think this is the band’s second full- wah guitars, multi-tracked saccharine CITIZEN FISH / LEFTOVER $OYDUDGR %XFNVKRW length. They also have a few 7”s and vocals, and lyrics that go straight for CRACK: Split: 7” splits out there. Their new release the jugular, if the jugular was full of Citizen Fish: It seems a long time CAMARO ROUGE: Got a seems to have slowed down a tad sap, sugar, and obviousness. I mean, since I heard a new Citizen Fish song. Crane in My Head: LP compared to their past releases. But RND\ WKHUH DUH ÀLWWHULQJ PRPHQWV For some reason, I don’t remember Two girls playing guitar and bass and the power is not lost and they are not where they sound eerily like Pulley them having so much horn in their both singing and one guy playing playing super slow by any means. or something, but with the creepy-ass songs. Their track has both a trombone drums; this band reminds me of girl They tread more in the Black Flag bat skeleton and stressed, damaged and trumpet. It really brightens up the garage bands like The Husbands. meets Blast sound of punk rock this &HUWL¿FDWHIRQWRQWKHFRYHUWKHVHJX\V sound. As usual, they produce and There’s some great interplay between time around in my opinion. They should be sued for misrepresentation. provide a good song that is both fun the two singers, a steady 4/4 drummer, try new things as they continue to Sometimes being somewhat culturally and thought provoking. I knew there and hooks a’plenty. This is the kind of develop their sound, playing with LVRODWHG OLNH VD\ OLYLQJ LQ 0HGIRUG  would be nothing to be worried about. rock’n’roll that looks back and takes a sound that is equally thick as it is can produce some stunning results, a Leftover Crack: After listening to the the tried and true methods from the powerful. Guitars are driving with a forging of new ground. Other times, CF track, this just came off as average past, rather than trying to rewrite strong thrust of controlled distortion, you just wind up aping your heroes, ‘90s ska punk, but that is just my the book. If yer looking for a good- the bass is full-bodied and punchy, EDGO\±.HLWK5RVVRQ 0HQWDO  opinion. Based on the amount of LC time party record, this is it. –Jason drums are loud and forceful, and shirts and patches I see on the younger 'RQQHUSDUW\ 'HPROLWLRQ'HUE\ vocals require no lyric sheet because CHOP SUZY: Going to the Mall: CDEP generation punks, this band is doing they are phonetically shouted and Oh sweet Jesus. You have a song RND\±'RQRIWKHGHDG )DW CAPTAIN CHAOS: This Is Cake: CD are easily understood. This release called “Disco Beaver” and it’s actually ,¶P SUHWW\ VXUH WKLV LV WKH GXGH V  continues on the fact that this band is a disco song? Just kill me already. COCOCOMA: 6 1/4 – 125: 7” that run Plan-It-X, and that this is a one of the many premier bands here ±.XUW0RUULV 5HG6KLUW A trio from Chicago that clobber it up good. Sing-along garage, a cool, and lyric sheet. Muy fantastico!! Oh, tell them exactly what a song means. 0H´ EXW7KH&UDZOHUVQHYHUJRVRIW grubby sound that makes you wanna DQG GXGH 5HG 6FDUH ZLOO EH SXWWLQJ He sings about race, music, women, for a second, not even here. –Susan party with their chops. Throw in some out a brand-new full-length by these sex, war, drinking, government, and &KXQJ %OLQG6SRW organ with the guitar and drums to guys in early 2007. Happy early even about his own music. He is make people clap along in a smiling ELUWKGD\±0U= ,W¶V$OLYH observational. Not in a “I don’t hate CRAZE, THE: Introducing way rather than new wave sneer. others, I’m just proud” bullshit way. the Craze: CD I bet this is the band that gets the COUNTRY TEASERS: The Empire That’s for skins and collegians who If my parents (who are the antithesis FURZG JRLQJ LQWR RYHUGULYH ¿VWV LQ Strikes Back: LP analyze too much. Not even in a “I RIKLS VXGGHQO\GHFLGHGWREHFRPH the air, yelling “aaaaaoooo-ooooh.” Lots of things can be said about hate people” way. I think more of a ³FRRO´ DQG WULHG WR LQÀXHQFH PH ±6SHHGZD\5DQG\ *RQHU Teaser mastermind Ben Waller’s “I hate people who don’t think” way. as to some “awesome” music, I’m lyrics: they are meant simply to And singing about your world is the pretty sure this would be their idea COPYRIGHTS, THE: aggravate, they explore taboo ideas core of what country, blues, rap, and of what it should sound like. Let me Button Smasher: 7” EP to make you think, or he’s just drunk. rock and roll should be about in the put it this way: a good number of the I can’t help but wonder if I got this “Points of view are very hard to ¿UVWSODFH2QWKHPXVLFHQGWKLVLV songs have “woah” or “oh oh oh” or because I’m into pop punk, or because understand...all human life must be the Teasers’ slow to medium paced some combination or variation of I do all my reviews while playing destroyed.” I don’t think he is just melancholy twang, super plucky, as them and yet none of the songs come Super Smash Brothers. Anyway, this trying to fuck with people; they could opposed to the faster version of the anywhere close to sounding like LV D UHDOO\ JRRG 5DPRQHVVW\OH SRS do that a lot easier and even rhyme. band. For thirteen years now, the a Fat Wreck band. Yes my friends, punk record, with tons of sing along But yes, the Teasers are fucking Teasers have keyed into a childlike somewhere there is a “great” sports choruses. You could easily take any with you, in order to move things fascination of simple sounds that bar missing their weekend band. song from this, and seamlessly put it on forward. Exploring taboo ideas in work together, bump and thump and ±.XUW0RUULV '\QDWRQH D/RRNRXW5HFRUGVFRPSIURPZKHQ music means you are talking more whirr, and process it into pure charm. they still had bands like Squirtgun, about culture than just “my parents It sweeps you up and carries you CRIS CORDERO: Why Can’t The Lillingtons, and Moral Crux. If suck.” So that’s an easy statement, through the whole album. Waller’s God Cure the Baby?: CD you like pop punk at all, you’ll like too. Waller uses lots of non-PC words voice has that old, deadpan country- )LUVW WKLQJV ¿UVW &ULV , GRQ¶W NQRZ WKLV±-RH(YDQV,,, ,W¶V$OLYH in his songs but if you see the cover drinker, forced-singer whine that you why God can’t cure the baby. of the album, an old political pulp- can dive into. I do think he drinks a Honestly, I don’t entirely know what COPYRIGHTS, THE: sized book about racism in England, ORWWKRXJK±6SHHGZD\5DQG\ the baby’s problem is. And while I Nowhere Near Chicago: 7” you might think you are going to ,Q7KH5HG hoped that some resolution would The saviors of pop-drenched punk JHW D =LQQ&KRPVN\ EUHDNGRZQ RI have been reached as your album recorded four songs during their language and politics (nothing wrong CRAWLERS, THE: unfolded, I still feel as though there’s Buttonsmasher sessions, which are ZLWKWKDWE\WKHZD\ %XWWKLVLVD All My Punk Rock Children E.P.: 7” a lot of explaining to be had on the actually covers of pre-Copyrights tunes Lenny Bruce vibe, using language Adequately fast and funny punk rock part of God, you, and the baby. That of the members’ previous bands. This that can sound funny on stage but from a band I’ve never heard of, but being said, the twelve songs on this shit is top notch. If you get asked what you take meaning home. No, I think really feel like I should have. Songs album run a nice range from bluesy, you want for your birthday, you better Wallers does what a songwriter written in simplistic couplets makin’ FUXQFK\ URFN D OD WKH %ODFN .H\V put The Copyrights discography at the does: sings about his world. He’s a fun of losers, from punk rock posturers to jarring indie pop reminiscent of top of your list. And for those of you thoughtful writer and that means he ³8VHG WR %H´  DQG WUHQGLHV ³:DVWH Guided By Voices. The connection who have no idea what a record player LVQRWJRLQJWRWHOO\RXKRZWR¿[WKH RI7DOHQW´ WRFRNHKHDGH%D\MXQNLHV between the tunes isn’t awkward; it is, this slab comes with a neat little CD world or what his lyrics mean. And ³.LFNHGRIIH%D\´ ,WKLQNRQHRIWKH KDV D QLFH ÀRZ IURP VRQJ WR VRQJ of the same songs along with a poster Lord, people hate it when you don’t songs might be a love song (“Promise And with help from musicians Joshua -RQHVDQG5DQG\/\RQV&RUGHURKDV QRWQRWLFHRQWKH¿UVWFRXSOHRIJR on the listen, I hear Captain the next thousand years passage really taken the DIY ethic to heart, throughs really begin to sparkle on Beefheart’s Trout Mask Replica, of time. Who knows but this band recording and producing this all on repeated listens. Great stuff from (Errant piano tinkles. Improvisational has produced a subtle and effective his own without the help of a big label -DSDQ±7RGG 6QXII\6PLOHV MD]]EHDWV&DO\SVR" 7DONLQJ+HDGV UHOHDVH WKDW VKRXOG WDNH WKLV RXW¿W or even one of which I’m familiar. (that David Byrne-y out-of-breath, SODFHV±6HDQ.RHSHQLFN 3RVWIDFW  And just like his songwriting, the DAN PADILLA: Self-titled: CD sorta-talking over off-signature, production is very solid and steady, There’s a part of me that wants to say short-shot and intentionally beep- DEAD MOON: Echoes of the Past: CD which is a relief considering the all- WKDW WKLV LV ZKDW WKH 5HSODFHPHQWV ERRSWXQHG LQVWUXPHQW LPEDODQFH  Out of the entire Razorcake crew, I too-common fate of DIY projects would sound like as a basement/party with occasional cricket sounds (and am probably the least informed on (“Hey, I’ve got ProTools, let’s put punk band, but another says that’s just occasional mannequins muttering Dead Moon. This I know: highly RXWDQDOEXP´8KQR %HLQJIURP taking an easy way out. There’s going EDFNXSV  , WRWDOO\ WLS P\ KDW RII WR respected, long and hard working Orange County, California, there is a to be inevitable Tiltwheel references 5DVPXV IRU PDNLQJ WKH UHFRUG KH band, with roots from their early healthy backbone of that punk pop/ PDGH EXW , WKLQN WKDW¶V ¿WWLQJ really wanted to make, but this record bands in the 1960s, who sells their SRZHU SRS VRXQG ¿OOLQJ WKH DOEXP considering it’s some of the same makes me feel totally uncomfortable records on their own label made on but Cordero’s ability to fuse it all dudes. There’s notable differences DQG,¿QGP\VHOIVFUDWFKLQJP\KHDG the same disc-cutter that created together with basic rock’n’ roll makes though, as Dan Padilla’s got a bit like a chimp because I just don’t get it. ³/RXLH /RXLH´ .QRZLQJ WKDW WKHLU for a nice spin, especially considering more soul to it (I know it’s been said For fans of Flipper and Culturecide? music has lasted through many bands how I was led to believe that the EHIRUHE\RWKHUSHRSOHEXWLW¶VWUXH  ±7RGG +MHUQHVSLQG through two decades and as Dead music would match the horrible with an occasional touch of country Moon over two more decades, gives album title. There’s lots to offer fans twang, but it’s still rockin’ through DAWN OF MAN: In me some insight into the songs here, of all kinds of genres on this album and through. My only complaint the Bronze Age: CDEP hand picked by singer-guitarist Fred ZKR ¿QG WKH\ KDYH D FRPPRQ ORYH is that this is a great summer night Haunting and beguiling like a Cole as a greatest hits or a survey of IRU JRRG URFN¶Q¶UROO ±.XUW 0RUULV record, and here I got it in the middle painting that captivates you more the band. It’s a great place to start, 5HPHPEHU$UWLVWV RIZLQWHU±-RH(YDQV,,, $'' WKDQ ¿YH VHFRQGV DV \RX ZDON ORDGHGZLWKDZKRSSLQJ¿IW\VRQJV through a museum. Not that this The Moon seems to come from the CRUMP, THE: Leave Home: 7” EP DANSETTEN: Mask Rouletta: LP is art rock, that’s just the closest I blues end of rock, harvested from the /HVV LQÀXHQFHG E\ WKH 5DPRQHV RU ,GRQ¶WWKLQN,¶PTXDOL¿HGWRUHYLHZ can get to the feeling I’m getting. porch still. This double CD hits lots of WKH4XHHUVDVWKHWLWOHZRXOGVXJJHVW this record. It makes me feel like a $OWKRXJKWKLVRXW¿WIHDWXUHVRQHH[ references from ‘60s blues and pop, The Crump are more straight-ahead, rube. Here’s what I know. It’s been Bluetip member, this band sounds ‘70s fuzz and mood, ‘80s dirt—wait, early punk in the vein of Elvis D ORQJWHUP SURMHFW RI 5DPXV ZKR nothing like that band. Chilling, PD\EHHYHU\RQHHOVHZDVLQÀXHQFHG Costello mixed with mid-period was in Amdi Petersen’s Armé and is calculated female vocals, backed by Dead Moon…. Now it’s clear. Screeching Weasel (not as nasally in Young Wasteners. APA were an by able and solid musicianship. The ±6SHHGZD\5DQG\ 6XE3RS as the early stuff and not as slow as awesome, straight-ahead, Black Flag- singer reminds me of the singer from WKH ODWHU VWXII FRXOG EH  ,W PD\ QRW inspired punk. The Young Wasteners Missing Persons. The riffs groove in DECONDITIONED: Big Act sound like a compliment, but it is: do do some stretching out into an ominous fashion and the songs b/w Compartment K3: 7” the Crump doesn’t have any clutter. Screamers and Television territory, are all well crafted. Only four songs, I was expecting pretty standard, Everything’s sparse, arranged so so I knew the experimentation was in but I dig the title track and “The thousand-mile-an-hour thrash, but the notes aren’t slurred or tripping him, but this LP…. Man, these are all &KRVHQ´4XDOLW\WXQHDJHKRSHIXOO\ when I got this home and played over one another, and their playing shots in the dark for me. I feel like we’ll hear more from Dawn Of it, that didn’t appear to be the case. itself sweeps on through the songs I need a degree in musical theory to Man soon. From the sleeve picture Even though my original prediction immaculately, so subtleties you may meet it on its own terms. Depending they look like they can survive until was wrong, I wasn’t disappointed because this is actually really you over until they release something and “Smash the State” are adrenaline of both as a 2 x 7”. I would like to LQWHUHVWLQJ,FDQGH¿QLWHO\VHHWKLV HOVH±'DU\O &ODUHQFH7KRPDV rush punk anthems with catchy riffs get the Swedish version to hear the band playing thrash and hardcore that shouldn’t work but do, drumming difference in how the songs sound shows (and from what I hear, they DESTRUCTION UNIT: that’s snappy as hell, and Joey leading in different languages. The combo I GR EXWZKDWWKH\JRWJRLQJRQKHUH Death to the Old Flesh: CD up the whole thing through with his would like to get just to be a record is pretty weird and experimental. As .LOOHUGHDWKV\QWKIURP5\DQ:RQJ¶V vocals that sounds like a three-way nerd. This is a theme record featuring much as I love thrash and hardcore, 8QLW D UDG DGRSWHG FRXVLQ EHWZHHQ collision of a speed freak, a bear growl, a song of each deadly sin. Not being this is really refreshing. I guess PHPEHUV RI 7KH 5HDWDUGV DQG 7KH and the guy that works at the local religious, I didn’t know what that I gotta go pick up their 12” now. Lost Sounds. The songwriting is hardware store that’ll keep you up would be, but I learn based by the ±'DU\O %HJLQQLQJ(UD VKDUHG EHWZHHQ 5\DQ DQG $8QLW to date on the latest news whenever song titles. I still don’t care about $OLFMD IURP WKH 6RXQGV DQG 5LYHU you go in. The song “I Don’t Give a religion. I do care about music. Any DEFECT DEFECT: Demo: Tape, and &LW\ 7DQOLQHV  DQG LW FRPHV DFURVV Shit” is one of the few non-Joey sung fan that is a fan of d-beat or dis- Yeah, I’m a Terrorist with more mood and slower than tracks, but something about that song core would love this. The band also b/w Little Ways: 7” SUHYLRXV ' 8QLW VWXII ZKLFK LV QRW tends to dig right into the skull despite adds slight tinges of metal to add a Holy shit QHZ IDYRULWH EDQG 4XLFN EHWWHURUZRUVH²LWVWLOOUXOHV-8QLW no real discernable hook and a chorus punch. Sweden produces a great synopsis—think if Black Flag kicked -D\ 5HDWDUG  ¿OOV RXW WKH EDQG DQG that I’m relatively sure is made up of deal of bands in this genre and this out Henry, and brought in Milo. Even writing. The harshest keyboard punk, EHOFKHV(YHQWKHVORZDOPRVWVKXIÀ\ continues on the tradition: a multi- still, I think that’s kind of not doing but with a lot of hooks in the brutality. “Whatcha Gonna Do?” is pretty damn vocal attack with charged guitars and WKHPMXVWLFH.LQGDZHLUGZLWKDSHUIHFW Might be more accessible than the bodacious. About the only thing I bass with the drum beat that are keys balance of being really pissed off, ¿UVW '8QLW &' EXW DIWHU JHWWLQJ don’t like here, for whatever reason, to this style. Absolutely pummeling alongside hopeful optimism. I’m also hit by a wrecking ball, everything’s LV³5LFK%LWFK´EHFDXVHLWMXVWNLQGRI as one song ends and another starts. going to point out that on the 7”, there’s D ÀRZHU JDUGHQ KXK" ±6SHHGZD\ seems to sit there and never really does ±'RQRIWKHGHDG +DYRF four different covers, one for each 5DQG\ (PSW\ anything interesting. All in all, this is a member. I’m way psyched that there’s great place to start with DOA, as it’s DT’S, THE: Hard Soul Hits! Vol. 1: CD still good, serious punk bands, that still DOA: Bloodied but Unbowed: CD basically their greatest hits for the early I just reviewed a band called the love fun. This is awesome. –Joe Evans Man, I really love Canadian punk rock. years when most people say they were Paybacks, and it’s amazing that I ,,, 6HOIUHOHDVHG&ODUHQFH7KRPDV  6RPDQ\JRRGEDQGVIURP61)8DQG at their peak. I would also recommend have almost the same comments Nomeansno, right up through Fucked the career-spanning compilation Peace for the DT’s. The showcase here is DEFECT DEFECT: Yeah, I’m a 8S DQG 3URSDJDQGKL 7KH\ DOO VHHP and War because, despite all the “only Diana Young-Blanchard’s vocals. Terrorist b/w Little Ways: 7” to possess a slightly different sense get the early stuff” opinions you hear Even more so than Wendy Case, I loved this band the instant I saw of melody and structure that makes DERXW'2$WKH\GH¿QLWHO\KDGVRPH 'LDQD VRXQGV DOPRVW SLWFKSHUIHFW  them perform and this 7” is just as the songs just a bit more…perhaps excellent stuff throughout their whole OLNH-DQLFH-RSOLQ ZKRWKH\FRYHU  intense as their live performances. It’s organic? I’m not sure what it is exactly, career, even if they may have never The good news is that The DT’s UHOHQWOHVV IURP VWDUW WR ¿QLVK ZKLOH but Joey Shithead and DOA are the again matched the pure adrenalin rush sound unaffected; they don’t sound still being musically engaging and Godfathers of Canadian Punk and this of “The Prisoner.” Man, that is such a like they’re straining to be anything well spoken. This band is literally and compilation of their early years serves JRRGVRQJ±$GULDQ 6XGGHQ'HDWK WKDWWKH\¶UHQRWD¿UPVXUHSOD\LQJ ¿JXUDWLYHO\LQ\RXUIDFHDQGQR,¶P as a good reminder why. According to rock band. This is underscored by not one of those jackasses who gets the CD, this was just reissued this year, DODSDOMD: Seven Deadly Sins: 7” the fact that most—if not all—of the that word wrong; just go see them but I’m not really sure if that means it So there are three different pressing songs are covers from a wide range live. This is highly recommended was remastered too. Either way, songs of this. One in English, the other in URFN¶VJUHDWV $&'&5RN\(ULNVRQ and hopefully will be able to tide like “The Prisoner,” “World War III,” 6ZHGLVKDQGWKH¿QDOLVDFRPELQDWLRQ %RRNHU7DQGWKH0*V 7KHSOD\LQJ¶V immaculate. But here’s where I get of nowhere. I couldn’t even remember on every mixed tape you ever make. mean, there are a lot of punk bands 8QOLNHWKH'LUWERPEVDQG7KH the song and here is my wife singing ±-HQQLIHU:KLWHIRUG 6XSHU6HFUHW WKHUH ,DOPRVWZDQWWRVD\WKH\VRXQG Detroit Cobras, who both do plenty along. So, obviously, this song was OLNH LI 7R\V 7KDW .LOO LI 77. ZHUH of covers, I don’t think I hear enough most likely on the demo. She was also FAKE PROBLEMS: Spurs and both angrier and weirder. The Answer of the DT’s poking their instruments part of the westside of L.A.’s punk Spokes/Bull>Matador: CD Lies: I’d been meaning to check them WKURXJK WKH WKLFN YHLOV RI LQÀXHQFH scene in the early ‘80s and saw them Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe out as it is, so I was happy when I Also, I loved, loved, loved the numerous times and, I am told, hung that this is four new songs, and four realized they were the other half of Monomen, and although I know it’s out with the band a bunch of times. old rerecorded ones. I saw this band this split. I was also happy to hear the XQIDLUWR'DYH&ULGHU (VWUXV5HFRUGV Coming from that time period, the IRUWKH¿UVWWLPHRYHUWKHVXPPHUDQG thrashy, straight up punk rock that is KRQFKRDQGPHPEHURIWKH0RQRPHQ  songs have what we term now a beach bought a CD, but was a little bummed their half. I pronounce this split a “W,” to expect him to put his musical life punk sound that was so prominent in upon listening because I really didn’t IRUZLQQHU±-RH(YDQV,,, *& on repeat for a single fan, I’m wishing those times. For some reason, I thought think it sounded like them live; this for a little bit more dynamite in the they were more thrash. But you have changes that. Fairly Against Me!ish FREEZE, THE: Guilty Face: 7” monitors for me to start raving about to realize that they were real fast for alt-country, with some strong indie Craig / Schizophrenic seems to have WKH'7¶V±7RGG *HW+LS the time. So that is where that thought rock overtones to it too. It gets a bit a huge Freeze fetish right now. First must have come from. I’m not sure arty at times, but all in all, this band he puts out the I Hate Tourists 7”, ENTROPY: Gross National Product: 7” if all the songs came from their early seems to be improving with every now this and will have an upcoming I can’t believe I’m holding this in incarnation, but if they did, they have UHOHDVH±-RH(YDQV,,, 6DERW live LP in the future. Looking at the my hands. Their debut record was stood the test of time. Three songs that Flex book for research, this second supposed to be out, if I remember have a good combination of snottiness FITT, THE: "H=OPE?=-=?=ł?ġ 7” EP was originally released in 1984 correctly, around 1984-85. I had a DQG DQJHU %HLQJ WKH ¿UVW UHOHDVH RQ %LJ1HFN5HFRUGVGHOLYHUVWKHJRRGV RQ 0RGHUQ 0HWKRG 5HFRUGV 7KHQ conversation with the lead singer, Julia Smut’s new label might have been again with this heavy, grunge-punk re-released as a 10” with the Boston David Hinnebusch, outside of Fenders a gamble, but it should pay off because soup of meaty, ‘70s metal riffage and 1RW /$ comp tracks and a track Ballroom in Long Beach right before the songs are great. –Donofthedead voice-put-through-a-paper-shredder from the Land of the Lost LP around an Adolescents show. Based on that %DG,GHD0XVLF delivery. I like rich, warm, pitch- 1991. This current version is the conversation, it didn’t seem like it was perfect vocals as much as the next same as the original press with two something happening anytime soon. FACELESS WEREWOLVES: guy, but there’s something to be said unreleased tracks recorded at the He looked like he was loosing the Medium Freaky: CD for someone who gets in front of a same time as the tracks that were on battle between drugs and the band. Not , DP PDGO\ LQ ORYH ZLWK WKH ¿UVW OLQH mic and belts out a tune sounding the %RVWRQ 1RW /$ comp but not too long after, he fell out of the scene. RI WKH ¿UVW VRQJ RQ WKLV DOEXP 7KH like he’s in the midst of a month-long used. Included are liner notes by lead I saw them recently and was surprised lead singer’s bratty girl voice full of battle with strep throat. The title track singer Cliff Hanger and use of the that they had reformed and were unapologetic snark singing, “Well I KDVDELJ1HZ%RPE7XUNVLQÀXHQFH original artwork. These recordings SHUIRUPLQJ DJDLQ ,W ZDV GH¿QLWHO\ D met this girl/ You can’t wrap your brain while the rest of the record delves into show how they put their mark in the blast from the past for me to see them around her…” over a sparse drum beat. sludgy territory. Good and different. history of punk when they began onstage. I have to admit that I did have So fucking good. If that song were a ±-RVK%HQNH %LJ1HFN XVLQJVSHHGWRGH¿QHWKHLUSRZHU2QH a copy of their demo from back then, day long, that would be the best day of the main players that were a part of but have no recollection of what they ever. The rest of the album is good too. FOUR DEADLY QUESTIONS/ANSWER the Boston scene, they continue on to VRXQGHG OLNH %XW ZKHQ , ¿UVW SOD\HG Decent, up-tempo rock songs. But really LIES, THE: Split: CD this day. A major puzzle piece to the the title track, my wife, sitting next to the whole thing suffers from best-song- )RXU 'HDGO\ 4XHVWLRQV DOUHDG\ birth of American hardcore. A perfect me, started to sing the song. I was in ¿UVWGLVHDVH7KHNLQGRIDOEXP\RXNHHS amongst the handful of my favorite release to go along with Dr. Strange shock when I heard her voice come out DURXQGMXVWVR\RXFDQSXWWKDW¿UVWVRQJ New York City punk bands (well, I re-release of Land of the Lost / Rabid Reaction on CD a few years ago. if that was called “pica” or “elite.” Fields” are some of my favorites. fuckin’ theme song at sixteen had I ±'RQRIWKHGHDG 6FKL]RSKUHQLF ±5HY1¡UE 3L]]D3L]]D Sit down and listen carefully to this known it existed. Some quick poking SODWWHU*UDI¿Q¶VYRFDOVDUHFOHDUDQG around the internet reveals that one FRIENDLY NEIGHBORS: Demo: CD-R GITOGITO HUSTELR: Love & Roll: CD concise, something that sometimes of the members went on to play 5HDOO\ VWURQJ HDUO\ /$ SXQN YLEH /LNH6KRQHQ.QLIHRUWKH¶V GRHV QRW RFFXU ZKHQ %DG 5HOLJLRQ drums for Government Issue and, here, right down to a cover of the before them, this is possibly another live sports the three guitar Skynyrd more importantly, there’s an album’s- Middle Class’ “Home Is Where,” from girl group from Japan that will create attack. Great back-up work by The worth of tracks from 1984 out there a modern buncha louts who know a buzz here in the States. A cross Weakerthans. This is a great record somewhere. Here’s hoping that those what to do with them instruments. between power pop and punk and for all the reasons you’d expect it make it one to disc in the very near The gems here are the originals, roll, these girls seem to know how not to be. Plus there is some killer IXWXUHWRR±-LPP\$OYDUDGR 6)( though, which are delivered with just to put their rock on—not angry with banjo on here. Banjo rules! –Sean the right mixture of sloppy attitude, gritted teeth stuff, but let’s all dance .RHSHQLFN $QWL(SLWDSK HATEPINKS, THE: creative spark, and spastic energy to together and have a fun time. They go We Are the Fucks: CD make ‘em all worth many a listen. all the way with self made matching GUITAR BOMB: I initially mocked the “Sehr Gut Why the fuck ain’t this a 7-incher RXW¿WV/LYHWKH\PXVWEHIDQWDVWLF Back Alley Jesus: CD 5RFN 8QG 5ROO´ DOEXP IRU EHLQJ yet and when’s the full length comin’ Judging by their recording, this isn’t I’m not much of a one man band some kinda reverse-triumph of style out? With tunes this good, these guys the last time I will be hearing about D¿FLRQDGR E\ DQ\ PHDQV EXW WKDW¶V over substance, claiming that the should have three homes in Barbados WKHP±'RQRIWKHGHDG *HDUKHDG what this is, and I like it. Going with band might as well have been pulling each and be on their second rehab that, I’m not sure how else to really random punk words out of a hat for stint already. –Jimmy Alvarado GOD DAMN DOO WOP BAND, THE: describe it other than a bunch of rad song titles and what not—not that WKHIULHQGO\QHLJKERUV#\DKRRFRP Broken Hearts: CD country/bluesy jams, so I’ll add that i’m against that (in point of fact, the So here’s the deal: this is a bunch of this is on Crafty, who get an A+ in the band actually inspired me to DO just GIANT HAYSTACKS: A Rebirth punks, who decided to start a doo wop “being stand up dudes” department, that—cf. my “punk rock magnetic of Our City: 7” EP band. Not some cutesy little “punk” for putting out some cool local SRHWU\´FROXPQRIVRPHWLPHEDFN  5HPLQGV PH RI WKH 0LQXWHPHQ doo wop band, like a real, legit, doo records, as well as setting up shows, but it didn’t seem to have much point down to the very fact that i get up wop band. And it’s freaking awesome. which makes this worth checking out to it. Now i listen to that album (as and do chores while their records Heck knows I have enough trouble on that merit alone. It’s like the fact part of this forty-two track complete are playing, too. The Minutemen describing punk rock, so this is even that it’s a good record anyway is an UHFRUGLQJV WKDQJ  DQG L ZRQGHU never woulda put out a 7” with three tougher on me, but I do know the DGGHGERQXV±-RH(YDQV,,, &UDIW\ exactly what the fuck it was i didn’t songs this short on it, though, they dudes can play, and the ladies can sing. like about it, ‘cause, i mean, it sounds ZRXOGKDYH¿WDWOHDVW¿YHRQKHUH I mean, everyone starts punk bands GUNS, THE: Attack: CD kinda great now. The only thing i can I accuse the band of crimes against now, but who starts doo wop bands? This band has some long roots in the think of is that now at work i have ripping off the Minutemen! Whom ,ORYHWKLV±-RH(YDQV,,, $IWHUQRRQ Cleveland hardcore scene, circa ‘84- to listen to music thru headphones, do i sue? BEST SONG: “All Night ‘86 to be exact, and it appears that this so, yeah, rectify THAT with the Garage” BEST SONG TITLE: GREG GRAFFIN: Cold As the Clay: CD CD is a rerecording of some of their *UHDW $UW RI 3XQN 5RFN s’il vous “All Night Garage” FANTASTIC Second solo record from the Bad tunes from that period. The resulting SODLW BEST SONG: “Fall In Love $0$=,1* 75,9,$ )$&7 ' 5HOLJLRQ IURQWPDQ 7KLV UHFRUGLQJ songs are white-hot, heavy-duty With A JPEG File” BEST SONG Boon used to write letters with one takes a different course than gems that could’ve given the best of TITLE: “My City Is Sick of Pizzas” of those typewriters that had 10- American Lesion. It’s rustic, heartfelt, that bygone era a run for their money. )$17$67,& $0$=,1* 75,9,$ point characters instead of the more DQG VLQFHUH ³2PLH:LVH´ ³5HEHO¶V Anthems abound, especially “I’m FACT: 42 songs, 1.1 hours, 709.1 common 12-point. I can’t remember Goodbye,” and “California Cotton 1RW5LJKW´ZKLFKZRXOG¶YHEHHQP\ MB. For the videogame i’m currently working on, i have to keep the grand Makers, a sped up Love cover. Almost QHZOHYHOEHFDXVH GDUH,VD\LW" LWLV EHWZHHQEDQGDQGDXGLHQFH7KH¿UVW WRWDO ¿OH VL]H RI DOO LQJDPH VRXQG too produced for me but if any of these a much more mature sound than what song starts off a little loosey goosey assets to 8 MB. , +$9( (,*+7 songs came on the jukebox, I’d be I was expecting. And not “mature” and then kicks into what could easily )8&.,1* 0(*$%<7(6 72 86( happy. The sticker on the front warning in the sense of getting too old to rock EH RQ WKH ÀLSVLGH RI D -DZEUHDNHU )25$//7+()8&.,1*6281' me that I will be punished if I trade properly. I get the feeling that Mr. song when they were in their prime. ,1 7+( *$0( Moozairfookair! or sell the CD loses some of the fun, Peters and Co. have been listening to The second cut’s a Snuff cover. I love ±5HY1¡UE 5HYHONew York Dolls and Aerosmith, YRLFH EORZQ VLQFH WKH ¿UVW VKRZ DQG Jay living out two of his childhood PH NLGV²LW¶V D UHDO ZLQQHU ±5\DQ just like all the great Joneses stuff. equipment duct taped together after fantasies—namely reenacting the /HDFK ,QWKH5HG  Watch for more Joneses reissues from last show. This album is just Jay, which prom scene from the movie Carrie and )XOO%UHDFK.LFNV±0LNH)UDPH )XOO might make you think it’s even more duplicating the traumatic experience JELLO BIAFRA: In the %UHDFK.LFNV loner basement rock with buckets for of childbirth. I applaud him for being $NELKB,Bł?E=H1NA=OKJġ 3 x CD GUXPV ,W LV GH¿QLWHO\ URFN EXW IDDDDU so bold and honest. In the event that I This is a lot of Jello. There’s a lot of KEVIN K: Rock’in’Roll Dynamite: CD more clean. Even on the poppy punk release a solo album, I promise to be great information on this three-CD .HYLQ . LV FRQVLVWHQW DV KHOO DQG end, although too speedy for the radio. as daring as Jay. (I’ve always had a set, but be prepared to get your listen always great! Same cool Johnny :KHUH VRPH RI WKH 5HDWDUGV VRQJV thing for wearing adult-sized diapers on. One of the most important political 7KXQGHUVPHHWV5DPRQHVVRXQGVDPH are great, angry outbursts that work DQG JXOSLQJ &RPHW VLQN FOHDQHU  6R commentators around today. –Daryl great tunes that stick in your head. together or on mix tapes, this album as stated above, the music on Blood $OWHUQDWLYH7HQWDFOHV Finally a cool looking cover, which is seems really tight; it is solid from start to Visions is banging. Blood Visions nice to see. Great re-working of “Call” ¿QLVKDQGQHHGVWRVWD\WRJHWKHUBlood UHPLQGVPHDORWRIWKH$GYHUWV¿UVW JESUS AND THE DEVIL: E\7KH5RDG9XOWXUHV .HYLQ.¶VROG Visions is similar to his kinder, gentler record, which of course is a good Let Them Have It: CD EDQG RIIWKHLUFire It Up record. The “Hammer I Miss You” single but this thing. (Jay sounds uncannily like a Seems like we might have some ex- song “Old School” might be the best full-length blows that away. The 7” had %ULWEXWKH¶VIURP6XQ5HFRUGV&LW\ hardcore kids who are getting into tune he has ever done. –Mike Frame good sounds but this is more structured, 7HQQHVVHH 0XVLFDOO\LWKDVWKDWµ heavy rock here. This sounds like a )XOO%UHDFN.LFNV or maybe practiced before recorded. QRW WR EH FRQIXVHG ZLWK µ  JXLWDU band like Gluecifer or the Hookers KHLYST: Chaos Is My Name: CD &DOH WRPHHW3LFNZLFN¶VTXRWDVIRU who get nothing done. It seems more The guitars sounds have that almost Gollum fronts a free jazz band number of songs required for a given of the latter. Craig / Schizophrenic metal feel due to it being the cusp of comprised of musically inept three SHULRG RI WLPH 5HHG DWWULEXWHG KLV 5HFRUGVLVRQHZKRGRHVDORW+HUH the crossover period. Drums and bass year olds. If this is supposed to be experiences working at Pickwick for he unearths a discography-worth of are the rhythm that ties everything a new direction in black metal, they his uncanny ability to churn out those material from a band only hardcore together. To actually hear the music really need to quit smoking pot and four groundbreaking Velvets albums record nerds might even have the is satisfying. Would I love to own the reassess said direction, ‘cause as in like no time at all. (Lou, however, knowledge of: a Mid- ‘80s Japanese originals? Of course. But seeing how it stands, I’m taking bets as to how remains mute on how and why he’s band who came from the same time an original G.I.S.M. record goes for few of these are gonna be sold. I say been unable to make a good record period as G.I.S.M., The Execute, sometimes $300-plus on eBay these seven, tops. Any takers? –Jimmy since—sans Metal Machine Music, Laughing Nose, and many others. days, these originals are probably $OYDUDGR +\GUD+HDG  RI FRXUVH  $Q\ZD\ What’s for During that time period, it was kind of going to cost more than my left nut to Dinner? sounds like Lou effortlessly hard to get punk records from Japan. SXUFKDVH$UHLVVXHGRHVPHMXVW¿QH KING KHAN AND BBQ SHOW, THE: churning out pop songs, not about I got a few by chance, including the L.S.D., which I never knew, stood What’s for Dinner?: CD junkies and Herbert Huncke, but Great Punk Hits comp that featured a for Lustmord, Snatch, and Death’ein Jesus Christ! Whatta record! about stupid things like zombies L.S.D. track. It has been a long while Bodie. That was kind of a typical bad Man, unlike ninety-nine percent and girl troubles. It’s a real fucking since I have pulled out the comp, but translation you would see from Japan, of the people out there, I can tell gem of a record; perfectly in tune I recognized the song immediately. but it meant something to them. But .LQJ .KDQ DQG %%4 UHDOO\ ORYH with American culture, without the Being of Japanese heritage, I was then again, Japanese to English rock’n’roll music (I mean, have kitsch and shit grease of rockabilly. obsessed with hearing punk bands never translates well as a whole. you heard the insincere sounds of It’s a timeless record, relevant to any from Japan. What I got my hands ±'RQRIWKHGHDG 6FKL]RSKUHQLF L.A.’s ephemeral The Blood Arm period, but thankfully available now. on, I listened to repeatedly. Around or The Ettes?—bands with more Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, that time, each country seemed to LABOR PARTY: I Bleed: CD prepackaging than a McDonald’s IXFNHU²SLFN WKLV RQH XS ±5\DQ have their unique sound. Sweden Pretty cool disc of Dead Boys-style +DSS\ 0HDO  What’s for Dinner? /HDFK ,QWKH5HG didn’t sound like Germany. Well, punk from this Phoenix band. There is an eclectic record, pulling from WKLV FROOHFWV WKHLU ¿UVW UHOHDVH ZKLFK are hints of garage in places and some Brill Building pop and the fucked KITTY & THE MANGES : ZDV D ÀH[L WKHLU ¿UVW ´ Jast Last; speedier parts, but for the most part, up, backwoods artists on Norton Joey’s Song: 7” the track from Great Punk Hits; a this is rockin’ working persons punk. 5HFRUGV$QG UHDOO\ WKDW¶V ZKDW VR .LWW\ IURP WKH .RZDOVNLV MRLQV WKH studio demo of the song “Jast Last”; This actually brings to mind Wanda UHIUHVKLQJ DERXW .LQJ .KDQ DQG Manges for a bubblegum single. and a live show from 1984. I’ve only Chrome and the Leather Pharoahs %%4WKH\NQRZWKHLUVWXIIDQGKDYH Great stuff, girl singing, bip-boppity heard about and seen pictures of their the more I listen to it, which is high exceptional taste. Which reminds band behind her, hand claps, makes ¿UVW WZR UHOHDVHV +HDULQJ WKH DFWXDO praise. Good, solid, three-piece me—have you heard the story of Lou you happy. Sort of by-the-numbers VRQJVWKHVHJX\VZHUHD¿HUFHEXQFK rockin’ punk; not enough of that 5HHGZRUNLQJDW3LFNZLFN5HFRUGV" pop punk but it’s fun and dancey, and The music is abrasive and powerful. around. Hope to see them making %HIRUH 5HHG IRUPHG WKH 9HOYHW doesn’t that mean goals accomplished? Mid-tempo but well performed. Being their way up the West Coast soon. 8QGHUJURXQGWKHFKHDSRODEHOKLUHG This is what I want from a 45; a cool from a technologically advanced ±0LNH)UDPH 6WHHO&DJH him as a songwriter whose primary addition to the jukebox. –Speedway country, many of the recordings I have function was to create exploitation 5DQG\ ,W¶V$OLYH heard from that time period seemed LION OF JUDAH: Universal Peace: CD records of whatever genre of music to always have good production. This 0\3.VL[WKVHQVHZHQWLQWRRYHUGULYH was hip that week (surf, Mersey L.S.D.: Discography: LP is no exception. The vocals, even when I picked up this disc to put in the %HDW SRS JLUO JURXS HWF  +H It amazes me how some people can get though screamed, are audible and CD player, and I couldn’t even read the had to work fast (along with John a lot done and there are other people mixed right where they need to be. band name on the front cover. Lion Of -XGDK«GH¿QLWHO\VRPHVRUWRIELEOLFDO that i can’t even muster up the strength overlooked gem. Awesome, simple FRS\ LV 3523(57< RI +286( RI reference, probably having to do with to put the record back on the wrong songs that are the perfect sound of 5(67,787,215(&25'69LRODWHUV the lord acting like a lion and tearing speed and see if that helps. Pass, punk meeting hardcore. A lotta these [sic] will be prosecuted [sic].” C’mon, the shit outta some civilization or other. and how. BEST SONG: Live Girls, VRQJVKDYHDYHU\GH¿QLWH=HUR%R\V spellchecking isn’t that hard. –Jason Old Testament hoo-ha, for sure. LOJ ³1HZ4XHVW)RU$FWLRQ´RQ%(67 quality to them, which is the highest 'RQQHUSDUW\ +RXVHRI5HVWLWXWLRQ should get together with Lamb Of God SONG TITLE: NONS, “Operator’s praise I can give. Some cool Freeze and start a tour, “The Pious Damn You Not Dangerous” FANTASTIC / Descendents style melodic punk MENTORS: Over the Top: CD To Hell.” Ah, but these young would-be $0$=,1*75,9,$)$&77KHZD\ leanings here as well. Produced by If Courtney Love is coherent enough crusaders likely know that the lord also “NONS” is written, it looks kinda like Tom Lyle from Government Issue these days to be creeped out by sayeth, “Judge not, lest ye be judged,” “NEOS.” Yeah, you ZLVK±5HY1¡UE ZKRDOVRSOD\VJXLWDU 7KHUHLVDOVR anything, then this CD is sure to which translates, loosely, in modern *URWHVTXH0RGHUQ VRPH JXLWDU IURP .HLWK &DPSEHOO give her a bad case of the willies. speak to, “This sounds a lot like a cross from Black Market Baby as well. Now, saying that the mother of little between Suicidal Tendencies and Bad LUCIKA: Unnerving Depth of Black: CD 7KHLU¿UVWUHFRUGMusic for the Deaf, Francis Bean would be creeped out %UDLQV DV ¿OWHUHG WKURXJK WKH %ULGJH These guys mete out some heavy, is a great punk record, too. This band by this band might seem hardly 9 label.” The lyrics are cribbed from gloomy sludge rock here, with lotsa was about a million times better than newsworthy since, as pretty much Propagandhi, sans all the cussing, sampled bits at the beginnings of their most of the ‘87-‘88 punk bands. A everybody knows, the Mentors creep and address the evils of war, manifest tunes and a singer who sounds like great, overlooked piece of the D.C. out almost all sane females. Tipper destiny, greed, big government, he’s gonna cough up his spleen at any Hardcore puzzle. Check it out! –Mike *RUH FLUFD KHU 305& GD\V PLJKW and there’s even a song that tackles moment. The sound is good ’n’ loud )UDPH $FPH'6, be the most famous example of a personal insecurities. Their hearts and and, while metallic, the tunes have a female who was profoundly put off minds are in the right places. Produced decent enough groove to them, but the MARDO: The New Gun: CD her lunch by El Duce and the boys. E\'RQ=LHQWDUDDQGPDVWHUHGE\DJX\ abrupt endings of some of the songs 7KH¿UVWVRQJWKDWVWDUWVRIIWKLV&' But what’s bound to unnerve Ms. named Alan Douches…HEE-HAW! was a bit annoying. Sometimes, like is a ‘70s hard rock guitar riff, then the Love, more than the Mentors’ X-rated ±-RVK%HQNH Big Black covers on to the next thing on the list. –Jimmy in retrospect, just seem silly. But they the original frontman/buffoon/bozo instead of Love covers, except they’re $OYDUDGR 6WROHQ*KRVW had Jimmy Page. The other songs laureate of the Mentors and he cut a not playing Big Black covers, you run the gamut from a cover of “Papa ¿JXUHVRPHWKLQJDORQJWKHOLQHVRIWKH understand, they merely sound nerdy M.F.D.: Full Volume: LP :DVD5ROOLQJ6WRQH´ZLWKDOOWKHVRXO Benny Hill of scum punk-metal. He and dangerous. Wait a god damn 5HDOO\FRROVWRU\EHKLQGWKLVRQH-RKQ drained out of it, to a ballad with the was fat, toadish, and oftentimes drunk minute here! I was playing the record IURP$FPH5HFRUGV2XW&ROGJRWLQ lyrics: “See me, feel me, touch me, off his ass, and his leering pervert DW WKH ZURQJ VSHHG 2ND\ ¿[HG LW touch with the band about reissuing kill me.” Everything on this CD seems persona seemed to be made that much They suck. On to the Nons. The Nons WKLVUHFRUGRQO\WR¿QGRXWWKDWWKH\ like a cliché. The funniest thing about more genuine by virtue of a pair of actually do have a female singer, as still had many copies left from the this CD (other than advertising for bugged out eyes provided to him opposed to the Live Girls, who only original pressing. So, Acme picked ³VWUHHWWHDPHUV´ LVWKHVWHUQZDUQLQJ by a case of Grave’s Disease. If you sound like they’ve got a female singer up the remaining sealed records from RQ WKH EDFN ³:$51,1*7KLV LV D could somehow cross GG Allin with when one plays the record at the wrong the original pressing and they are numbered and trackable advanced 5XVV 0H\HU ZLWK D VWDFN RI +XVWOHU speed. Alas, the Nons are so hopeless selling them to turn people on to an promotional copy. Not for sale. This cartoons, you’d be getting close to classic El Duce territory. Thing is, is Disney World for various microbes, be slipped into a mix of old Mentors’ proceeds going to Families of Spinal that right about the time that El was ants, and worms and whatnot. But tunes without anyone noticing—they 0XVFXODU $WURSK\ ±.XUW 0RUULV really enjoying his growing notoriety, if you didn’t know any better you’d are that true to the classic Mentor 7KH6FLHQWLVW$QG7KH'XNH something in his head—possibly the swear it’s him, the original El Duce, sound. And the voice truly sounds like alcohol-soaked neurons—made him singing on this new record. The El Duce, whether it’s piped in from MILLION DOLLAR MARXISTS: start shooting his mouth off about RI¿FLDOOLQHLV,¶PVXUHWKDWWKLV³(O some netherworld or just this new “El Zero Culture: CD how Courtney Love had offered him 5DSR´JX\VXSSRVHGO\VLQJLQJWKHVH Darren” guy. But the twisted porno On this, their second full-length $50,000 to whack her husband at new songs is merely an eerily similar booth humor just isn’t as twisted as album, Million Dollar Marxists WKHWLPH.XUW&REDLQ$QGLWZDVQ¶W sounding replacement, sorta like when El was fully animated in his GHOLYHU D EUDQG RI ¿VWUDLVLQJ SXQN long after shooting his mouth off that how the second Darren was eerily ERR]\ÀHVKVXLW'RQ¶WJHWPHZURQJ rock that somehow manages to be poor El danced with a moving train VLPLODUWRWKH¿UVW'DUUHQEDFNRQWKH there are plenty of amusing bits earnest and still not take itself too on his way home from the liquor old Bewitched TV series. But how throughout Over the Top. Like the seriously. Blistering, unrelenting store one day and wound up smeared do we know that Sickie Wifebeater song “Inches of Three,” for example, guitars? Check! Non-wimpy punk across the railroad tracks like 100 and Heathen Scum haven’t spent my personal favorite among the crop vocals you can sing along with? proof strawberry preserves. And it the years since El’s “convenient of new songs. And any way you cut Check! An irrepressible urge to play wasn’t too long after that, that some elimination” honing their Ouija board it, OTTLVOHDJXHVDERYHWKHÀDWXOHQW this album as loud as your stereo will of the more cynically minded among skills, somehow managing to channel dreck being pumped out by some go? Check, again. Two of the album’s rock’n’roll insiders dared suggest that the spirit of their old lead singer from uninspired Mentors-wannabe like songs, “X Street” and “Praise the Courtney Love had Francis Bean lure beyond the grave and convincing Anal Blast. This really is a very solid Mutilated World,” have already made the drunken, horny blabbermouth him to belt out a few more tunes? I comeback effort and a damn good it onto the playlist I listen to while onto the tracks and into the path of have been lucky enough to have had album to boot. In fact, it’s a lot better running, which is not to say that this the speeding locomotive. Whether several drunken phone conversations than I’m probably making it sound is nerdy exercise music. No, more it really went down that way or not with Sickie and I can tell you that he here in this review. I guess I’m just OLNHPXVLFWKDWOLJKWVD¿UHXQGHU\RXU is anyone’s guess. All I know for is something of a necromancer and realizing how much I miss ol’ Eldon ass and makes you want to dance. Or sure is that if Courtney didn’t have he is possessed of certain dark and Hoke. Having a band with El Duce UXQ±-HQQLIHU:KLWHIRUG 6WXPEOH a problem having someone kill a big extra-mundane skills beyond those DV \RXU IURQWPDQ LV GH¿QLWHO\ DQ FHOHEULW\OLNH.XUW&REDLQVKHVXUHDV KH GLVSOD\V RQ WKH HOHFWUL¿HG JXLWDU example of catching white lightning MINKS, THEE: Plaything: 7” hell wouldn’t have a problem having But if it really is the recorded sounds in a bottle. This CD is proof of that. Philly’s garage punk badasses strike someone kill a scurrilous bum like El of El broadcasting from the Great –Aphid Peeweit (Mentors, www. again! Two great garage punk rave Duce. Which brings me back to my Beyond, it would seem that the one FKXUFKRIHOGXFHFRP ups and a cover of “Mama’s Boy“ by original point: if Ms. Love really was thing that doesn’t transfer all that 5DPRQHV7KLVEDQGDOZD\VGHOLYHUV responsible for doing in El Duce, then well from the one realm to the other MIGHTY OHIO, THE: and I can’t wait for another full the sounds burned into the grooves of is his trademark sense of humor. I The Engine Sings: CD length. Fans of Joan Jett, Downbeat Over the Top WKH¿UVWHYHU0HQWRUV¶ guess, considering all the gunk like 6WHSVWRPDNLQJD JRRG DOEXP  5, and The Smears will love Thee UHOHDVHZLWKRXW(O'XFH DUHOLNHO\WR ether and ectoplasm that can clog up /HDUQWRVLQJ 7U\WRZRUNWRZDUGV 0LQNV±0LNH)UDPH 6WHHO&DJH provide her with her own ghastly little inter-worldly transmissions, it’s little DQ RULJLQDO VRXQG   :ULWH JRRG WULSLQWRWKH7ZLOLJKW=RQHthe Stooges lonely and alone on one side of a 7”, PDQQHURIHDUO\µV8.JODPWKLQJ one, you might be out of luck. But cover. Twenty years from now, the sound like orphans. Sorry, Canada. (plus unfortunate but understandable then again, it might be an eBay only song i’ll likely remember off ±7RGG 6QXII\6PLOHV +HDUWEUHDNHUV FRQWDPLQDQW  XQWLO WKH price lifter down the line. So which this one is the cover of “My War,” ¿IWK WUDFN D EODWDQW EXW HIIHFWLYH  way do I go for the review? Do I so i guess that’s a yeah. BEST NECROPOLIS: The Hackled Ruff rip off of some Gary Glitter song or go into my stash and review the SONG: “My War” BEST SONG and Shoulder Mane: LP another (you know, the one with the actual record or do I review what TITLE: “Stevie Wonder Can See” 7KLV LV GH¿QLWHO\ LQWHUHVWLQJ :KDW GUXPV"  , KDG LQLWLDOO\ FRQVLGHUHG was given to me? I don’t know. )$17$67,& $0$=,1* 75,9,$ should I call this? Psychedelic post “Teenage Nights” to be somewhat Well, both records start off with )$&7,FDQ¶W¿QGDQDGGUHVVIRUWKLV punk? Eighties dance rock that’s akin to what the Dictators might’ve the title track as the opening song. record label anywhere, so i’m using been run through a mountain of sounded like were Adny exerting Both records were recorded at the address off the back of the little effects pedals? The music (composed “Manifest Destiny” levels of control different times in 1983. The music slip of paper they wrote their note on, of guitar, bass, organ, drums, and over “Go Girl Crazy,” and if the has a sound that is characteristic to although it actually appears to be a YRFDOV  VZLWFKHV IURP DWRQDO WR µ7DWRUV ZHUH DEOH DQG ZLOOLQJ  WR the music of Swedish punk of the FRPSOHWHO\GLIIHUHQWFRPSDQ\±5HY melodic, from spastic fast tempos FKDQQHOWKHVSLULWRIWKH5DVSEHUULHVDW early ‘80s. If you can get a copy of 1¡UE *URWHVTXH0RGHUQ to a more dreamy mid-tempo. need (kind of like “Loyola,” i guess, the super 3x CD comp, Varning! The vocals also shift from a male H[FHSWZLWKRXWDEDVNHWEDOOWHDP ,Q For Punk, then you will know NAVEL / FIFTH HOUR HERO: screamy/whiny voice (sounding sort any event, once i got all oriented and what I mean. Very raw and heavily Split 7” EP of like the singer of the Ponys or what-not, and realized it was Terry LQÀXHQFHGE\EDQGVOLNH'LVFKDUJH Navel: Ever see a band split in two, 2OG7LPH 5HOLMXQ  WR D OHVV MDUULQJ Six from the Exploding Hearts doing 'LVRUGHURU&KDRV8.EXWDGGLQJ like a musical amoeba, right in the and more tuneful female voice, some kinda glam-punk-pop-roll thing, a melodic touch which many middle of a song by the sheer weight sometimes singing over each other. A my viewpoint became contaminated, Swedish bands did at the time. If of their musical differences? That’s lot of the songs descend into squalls and i spent the rest of the time thinking you are into their contemporaries what I feel with Navel; like half of of feedback, samples, and random how records that are recorded on the like Anti Cimex, Avskum, or Mob the band wants to play straight-ahead instruments, falling apart. For me, cheap (a la the Exploding Hearts 47, this should be a no-brainer of a punk and the other half wants to play listening to this was more interesting DOEXP  DOZD\V KROG RXW WKH SURPLVH purchase. If you have an interest of indie rock. The result is something than enjoyable. But that’s more my of undiscovered truths to potentially early ‘80s Swedish punk, this band WKDW VDWLV¿HV QHLWKHU 6RUU\ -DSDQ personal taste. –Jason Donnerparty be uncovered after multiple is a good place as any to get started. Fifth Hour Hero: They made me a &ROXPEXV'LVFRXQW listenings—whereas records with a ±'RQRIWKHGHDG +DYRF believer with their 1RW 5HYHQJH« ³JRRG´SURGXFWLRQ VXFKDVWKLVRQH  are likely to make a more immediate Nights” BEST SONG TITLE: “Dugong NO TRUTH LIES: Self-titled: CD in which this was recorded, and where ¿UVW LPSUHVVLRQ EXW UDUHO\ KROG DQ\ $ORQJ´ )$17$67,& $0$=,1* The musical blocks are obvious his and the other musicians’ heads were VLJQL¿FDQW PDQQHU RI XQGLVFRYHUHG 75,9,$ )$&7 0DMRU 7HUULWRULHV enough: Tiltwheel, Grabass at while working on the album. Good, thrills for the repeat user. I also thought Portland, San Francisco, Los Angeles Charlestons, Tim Version, and Florida good stuff. –Jimmy Alvarado (Light in a bit how “good” production often VROG RXW 6SDFHODQG  ±5HY 1¡UE “Dudes On” punk rock. And this late WKH$WWLF leads to lazy songwriting, like in %LUGPDQ in the game, I should be fully prepared “Johnny Guitar”—you can just sort of to be a jaded fuck when hearing gruff- NOTHING ERROR: I Am Here have these breaks where it’s just the NIGHT TERROR: Demo: CD-R YRLFHG H[SHUWO\ SOD\HG KHDUW¿OOHG to Break Your Heart: CD drums playing that sorta “Pirate Love” Four songs. Some soundbites. Sounds anthems about beer, failure, and the Although the title sounds too much beat ‘cause it’s produced well and OLNH LW ZDV UHFRUGHG OLYH 8JO\ SXQN death of ideals, but I’m not. Bring it. like that Wilco song, this one man band sounds cool, but, if you’re recording at with lots of cymbals and distortion, as Goddamn, I love this CD. They’re project from Doug Hill is pretty solid. D³0RGHUQ.LFNV´OHYHO\RXFDQ¶WJHW well as some slow parts where they get OLNH5RZG\5RGG\3LSHULQThey Live. ,MXVW¿JXUHGRXWZKRWKLVVRXQGVOLNH away with eight or sixteen measures WKHLUVWRQHUURFNRQ5HPHPEHUKRZ 7KH\¶YHJRWWKHVXQJODVVHVWKDW¿OWHU Everclear. I don’t like Everclear at all, of drums ‘cause the drums won’t keep you’d sometimes go to your friends’ out all the bullshit and evil, and they get and this guy is like some evil clone. anybody’s attention recorded like that. band practice in the drummer’s garage to the heart of the matter (with music, The only difference that I can see is I also thought about how the intro licks DIWHUVFKRRO"5HPHPEHUKRZ\RXOLNHG QRW VKRWJXQV  OLNH FRPSDVVLRQDWH that Everclear probably would not put to “Teenage Nights” can be seen as an µHPRND\EXW¿JXUHGWKDWLI\RXJX\V vigilantes. They deserve a feather in a picture of a naked woman on the emulation of either “Wig Wam Bam” just had some beer and the drummer’s their cap, too, for reinterpreting a Phil cover. “Control” and “200 Dollars” by Sweet or “Talk Dirty To Me” by mom wasn’t home, they’d probably 2FKVWXQH±7RGG $'' could even be played on the radio. Poison, and attempted to rectify the sound a lot better? Well, Night Terror Don’t ask me where, though. –Sean degree of interest i have in “Wig Wam sounds a lot like your friends’ band. NOEL ELLIS: Self-titled: CD .RHSHQLFN 0HQWDO %DP´HPXODWLRQ VLJQL¿FDQW YVWKDWRI ±.HLWK5RVVRQ 1LJKW7HUURU Noel Ellis, son of rocksteady giant ³7DON'LUW\7R0H´HPXODWLRQ VFDQW  Alton Ellis, released this, his debut OFF WITH THEIR HEADS: with the fact that it’s pretty much the NIXON YEARS, THE: album, in 1979. One listen and it’s clear Hi Five for the Rapture: 7” EP same damn riff. In short, not to draw Reversing the Panopticon: CD why it’s been something of a collector’s Dysfunction: never great on a unfair comparisons or anything, but No question these guys can play their item since. Blessed with a great voice personal level, but, sometimes, great this record is the type of thing you buy instruments, and they don’t hesitate to LQKLVRZQULJKW1RHOVHUYHVXSVL[¿QH for music. OWTH can’t seem to keep in the summer and play for a week or demonstrate their abilities often here. conscious reggae tunes that each devolve band members. They steal people’s two; the Exploding Hearts album is I like their willingness to branch out somewhere at the midpoint into dub, food (although reformation has been something that lasts you all winter and from stagnant hardcore structures and losing none of the power established FODLPHG 7KH\¶YHJRWDJDVWDQNIXOO into the spring, and you can play pretty take a few risks, and what I hear of at the outset. Those with a more than of hatred in a van that barely works. much any record for a week or two in the lyrics gives the impression that passing interest in The Clash will notice Sometimes—and this is one of ‘em— the summer. I like it, but i wish it had they are working with more than a WKDW ³5RFNLQJ 8QLYHUVDOO\´ EHDUV D when something’s so wrong it’s right. a weirder production or something, just UXGLPHQWDU\ JUDVS RI SROLWLFV ¿UVW strong resemblance to “Armagideon For this guy, nothing beats snarling so i knew it was on my side. Also, any two words uttered on the disc are Time,” which makes sense considering meanness and guitar attacks, then and a band that calls themselves “The Nice “Operation Phoenix,” and just look the composer of that tune, Willie soft blanket and some cuddle time with %R\V´DQGGRHVQ¶WSLFNXSRQWKH5RVH XS³3DQRSWLFRQ´ EXWWKHUHFRUGLQJLV Williams, plays percussion here, as do a breakdown. Melodic. Hardcore. So 7DWWRR UHIHUHQFH E\ QDPLQJ WKHLU ¿UVW so compressed that the music not only some other reggae greats, including both are a bit changed and hammered DOEXP ³«'RQ¶W 3OD\ 5RFN µQ¶ 5ROO´ lacks power, the bass often sounds like Jackie Mitoo and Johnny Osbourne. into a new shape. It’s the dynamics in EHWWHUJHWWKHKHOOEDFNWR5RFN6FKRRO a weakly blown trombone. –Jimmy Included is a booklet packed with info punk that make it cut in new ways; the i’m sorry. BEST SONG: “Teenage $OYDUDGR (.* about Noel, the place and time period hug and the wielded knife that make it continually interesting, and Off With of the CD contains seven tracks of name, but i think their records should hands on it. And, with the Chinese Their Heads capture that perfectly. XQLQVSLUHG LQVWUXPHQWDO PXVLF .LQG be pinker. BEST SONG: “American Telpephones releasing more (a split ±7RGG )DVKLRQDEOH,GLRWV of like the soundtrack to a movie that Girl” BEST SONG TITLE: Wow, with Anti Justice on Snuffy Smiles a pretentious ex-boyfriend of mine still “American Girl” FANTASTIC DQGDIXOOOHQJWKEHLQJUHFRUGHG DQG PEAR OF THE WEST: Self-titled: 7”EP would have dragged me to. Yuck. $0$=,1*75,9,$)$&7,KRQHVWO\ Justin Telephone releasing a Potential How is it that the Japanese have the ±-HQQLIHU:KLWHIRUG 8S FDQQRW¿JXUHRXWLIWKHEDQGLVIURP Johns 7”, it looks like that trend just same pieces to the puzzle that everyone &DUERQGDOH ,OOLQRLV RU ,WDO\ ±5HY may continue. We are lucky, indeed. else is given—instruments, brains, POPSTERS, THE: The Scene: 7” 45 1¡UE ,W¶V$OLYH ±0HJDQ &KHHN\*LW hearts, practice space—and yet they The band’s one-sheet (“one-sheets are can come up with, time and again, retarded and we don’t like them, but POTENTIAL JOHNS, THE / POTENTIAL JOHNS, THE / music that’s more in focus, bouncier, \RXNQRZZKDWHYHU«´ LQH[SOLFDEO\ CHINESE TELEPHONES: Split LP CHINESE TELEPHONES: Split LP and tighter? Pear Of The West are no FODVVL¿HV WKH EDQG DV ³5DPRQHV I never thought this would see the Potential Johns: So imagine that one exception; from Mami’s incredible descended pop punk,” but the guitar light of day. Prior to this, it was member of The Marked Men—we’ll voice, to the Buzzcocks meet the rhythms and song structures are released (if you can call a hundred name him “Jeff”—had an entire studio Parasites pop punk paradise of the DOPRVWFRPSOHWHO\D5DPRQDOOHDGLQJ copies with the wrong sleeve and to himself that was in a back yard. playing. It’s the perfect realization of me to wonder if the dude who wrote makeshift photocopies glued on them “Jeff” had a lot of time at his disposal. strong-voiced female vocals joyfully the one-sheet (or, for that matter, the DUHOHDVH DQGSULRUWRWKDWWKHVRQJV Months. Maybe years. “Jeff” is a bubbling atop the best of the ‘90s, all EDQG KDVHYHQKHDUGWKH5DPRQHVLQ KDG EHHQ ÀRDWLQJ DURXQG RQ EXUQHG musical prodigy. He can play every compressed into superballs of songs WKH¿UVWSODFH,PHDQWKHRQO\EDQG CDs. Potential Johns was a band that instrument a normal punk band would that bounce all over the place and never i can think of from that entire era started with Jeff (Marked Men, Vomit play and he sings. “Jeff” records all JHWPXVK\±7RGG 6QXII\6PLOHV that The Popsters might reasonably 3XQ[ 7KH 5HGV  DQG D FRXSOH RWKHU the bits, tracks them together, and lay claim to being “descended” from people. The band didn’t work out (to makes recordings for himself. Due POLAR GOLDIE CATS: would be the Professionals, and even my knowledge there has either never to humility, he does it purely for the Floral Phantasms: CD that reference is more circumstantial been a Potential John’s show, or at joy of music. But, those recordings I know that often when people don’t than anything. Contains a cover of OHDVW RQH LQ WKH SDVW ¿YH \HDUV  EXW quietly leak out, one visiting band like the sound of something they liken Tom Petty’s “American Girl” that Jeff must have realized how great DW D WLPH 8QOLNH D VHOILQGXOJHQW that something to the torturing of a serves the noble enough purpose of the songs were. He started recording misunderstood “genius,” “Jeff’s” cat. But literally, literally people, the putting a version of that song into the them, and rerecording them, over songs are awesome, accessible, ¿UVW WUDFN RQ WKLV &' VHHPV WR EH D record collections of people like me years to the point that The Potential complex, but in no way pretentious. recording of a cat being tortured. Or at who always kinda liked that song, Johns / Jeff has enough songs for Like a slightly different universe least a cat being annoyed really, really but didn’t like it enough to actually at least two full-lengths. There’s a Marked Men: if ‘60s AM radio existed badly. I may be, you know, unhip, go out and buy a Tom Petty record GH¿QLWHVLPLODULW\WRKLV0DUNHG0HQ in the 2000s, overlaid with the garage but I don’t know why anyone would (though the song stops short of being songs, which is nothing but good for grit of The Dirtbombs, you’d have the want to start their CD off that way. even vaguely exceptional owing to the me. The Chinese Telephones went headspace, but you still wouldn’t be Is it like those college courses where fact that the drummer stops keeping on hiatus (but came, thankfully, back prepared for how good these songs the professor is a gigantic asshole for WLPHRQFHKHVWDUWVSOD\LQJ¿OOV DQG ZLWKVRPHFKDQJHVWRWKHOLQHXS 6R really are. Five songs of complete WKH ¿UVW PRQWK RI WKH FRXUVH VR WKDW HQGV ZLWK D KRRNOHVV ¿YHPLQXWH LWKDGEHHQUHODWLYHO\GLI¿FXOWWR¿QG bliss. Chinese Telephones: Here’s all of the weaker students drop out patience tester that one would tend to anything by either band. I’ve listened the deal: heroes suck. This is why. and let the proverbial cream rise to ¿OHXQGHU³:KDW([DFWO\:(5(Slayer—not too much, just a modern, ‘80s tinged techno (“Vlado the undeniable quality of songwriting. 0LGZHVW SRS SXQN  DQG DUH VWDUWLQJ thin layer of butter on top. Then, at the 9LGHR´ WKDWGRHVQ¶WPDNH\RXZDQWWR 7KH¿UVWFRQWDFW,HYHUKDGZLWK5DGRQ to spread their wings. (I know that edges, like the corner of a room where dance, as much as do the robot from the was in a tiny record/clothing store in VRXQGVIUXLW\EXWWKHLUVRQJVDUHQ¶W  there’s a little rat hole, some acceptable waist up and the slam pit from the waist L.A. Chris Wollard of Hot Water Music Man, they’re getting great. –Todd meanness of Assholeparade. What does down. Back in the day, I’d been known was wearing their T-shirt. The next &KHHN\*LW that all mean? Totally energetic, tight, to frequent late-night dance parties in time I saw Hot Water, I asked him trashy, catchy music that is coming dark warehouses, so I can appreciate a about the band. He couldn’t say enough QUEERS, THE: Love from a fucked-up place (geographical, good 303 (used to most amusing effect good things. I eventually ordered their Songs for the Retarded: CD PHQWDO\RXWDNHDSLFNPD\EHERWK  KHUH RQ WKH URFNDELOO\ÀDYRUHG ³3LJV early singles, and slowly, but surely, This is kind of strange for me. I lived What’s exciting is that they’ve taken IURP+HOO´ DVZHOODVWKHGLFKRWRPRXV got hooked. I don’t think I even more ¿IWHHQ PLQXWHV IURP 3RUWVPRXWK IRU all the aforementioned bands, and SOHDVXUH RI 4XLW RIVERDALES: Self-titled: CD was mailed anonymously from Waco, UDXQFK IDFWRU E\ WHQ DQG MXVW OHW À\ what? This is more than just entirely I probably have more friends who 7;WRDQDVVRFLDWHRI$SRS5HFRUGV some of the era’s best tunes: “Boston listenable. It’s music that’s great to have a soft spot for anything that Ben in the mid ‘90s. A note was enclosed Babies,” “Where Have All the work along to; plop it on and it put Weasel (and for argument’s sake, I’ll that stated that the tracks are not Bootboys Gone,” “You’re a Bore,” a bounce in my step and a bob in my WKURZ &RPHWEXV LQ WKHUH WRR  KDG synthesized. No other information and loads more, most of which made KHDG:KHQ7KH5DWFKHWVDUHSOD\LQJ anything to do with than those who is known. Some have speculated their way onto this release. Other it doesn’t demand all of your attention, don’t, and with good reason. He was WKDWWKHVHDUH¿HOGUHFRUGLQJVRIWKH honest-to-goodness classics, like ³&UDQNHG8S5HDOO\+LJK´KDYHEHHQ awaiting for it, I’m pretty sure that IURP 7KH .LGV %ODFN (DVWHU DQG the esteemed and presumably very tacked onto the end of this, making it you won’t be terribly disappointed— Crap Detectors, for that “this is still a important Nikki Sudden was playing a true must have for anyone with even eleven stinging tracks of dirty, trashy QHZDOEXP´IHHOOLNHZKHQ.LVVKDG in our unesteemed and presumably D SDVVLQJ LQWHUHVW LQ (QJODQG¶V ¿UVW rock’n’roll. This is the kind of stuff that that fourth side of Alive II5HFRUGLQJ unimportant burg. They were like ZDYH±-LPP\$OYDUDGR &DSWDLQ2L gets my blood rollicking and keeps me LV SUHWW\ GDUQ JRRG IRU OLYH EDU  “Nikki Sudden! Playing here! Can sitting on the deck drinking beer till VRXQG DQG WKH :0)8 UHFRUGLQJ LV you imagine?” I was like “Yeah, SNUGGLE / WHISKEY SUNDAY: four in the morning and listening to it great! Fast, tight, clean. I think this is WKDW¶V D ZLOG RQH :KR WKH IXFN LV Split 7” EP over and over and over. This record DOUHDG\RXWRISULQWXQOHVV\RX¿QGD Nikki Sudden?” I was informed Snuggle: Mid ‘90s East Bay pop punk comes off, at least to me, as one of 6SLW±6SHHGZD\5DQG\ 37UDVK that Nikki Sudden was in Swell has moved north to Seattle. Forlorn the most unpretentious recordings Maps. Amazingly, while i remember sentiments (i.e. “no I can’t fall in that I have ever heard; Some Action’s SPUNKS, THE: seeing Swell Maps 45s in mailorder ORYH QR PRUH´  ERXQFLO\ SOD\HG , one fundamental purpose of existence Yellow Fever Blues: CD catalogues in the early ‘80s, i actually imagine a rickety, elaborate gin still appears to be to rock my socks off and I’m glad I gave this one a second don’t think i ever heard Swell Maps RIPXVLF3ODLG5HWLQD,VRFUDF\DQG leave me crumpled and pummeled FKDQFH:KHQD¿UVWOLVWHQGLGQ¶WEORZ until just now. I seem to recall hearing 6OXGHJZRUWKKHDWHGRYHUWKHÀDPHVRI and begging for more. What else can my mind as thoroughly as the press the words “Syd” and “Barrett” in any bad luck, stored in a paint barrel of bad I say? Well done, men! –The Lord release promised it would (coupled anecdotal description of their services timing, and eventually dripping into a .YHOGXOIU *LJDQWLF with a feeling of “Look, I’m not going i was ever provided; historically, glass, as potent as it is raw. They’re to wet myself just ‘cause this band is WKDW¶V EHHQ TXLWH HQRXJK WR GHÀHFW GH¿QLWHO\ JHWWLQJ EHWWHU :KLVNH\ SPITS, THE: 2006 European Tour: LP V-DSDQHVH´ ,ZDVUHDG\WRZULWH any amorous advances i may have Sunday: Are you familiar with You know The Spits, right? One of it off completely. I don’t know, maybe EHHQFRQVLGHULQJ8OWLPDWHO\WZHQW\ Leatherface’s Frankie Stubbs’ raspy their songs plays every time you crack I was just feeling extra crabby and ¿YHRUWKLUW\\HDUVDIWHUWKHIDFWL¿QG voice? Well, if someone hammered a RSHQ D 3%5 6SLWV QH[W VWRS 5RFN judgmental that day, but subsequent that Swell Maps aren’t too terribly nail through his vocal chords, that’s Hall of Fame, fuckers. Live albums listens reveal good, solid punk-paced un-swell at that—the more coherent what the lead singer of Whiskey VHHP PRUH IRU )UDPSWRQ DQG .LVV URFN¶Q¶UROOWKDW¿WVWKHPSHUIHFWO\LQ moments remind me of an unlikely Sunday sounds like. Sometimes, when so doesn’t it make sense that The ZLWKWKH*HDUKHDG5HFRUGVVWDEOHRI marriage between Guided By Voices, the band’s not crankin’ nor anthemic, Spits would follow those two? Spits bands. It’s no surprise that The Spunks WKH6QLYHOLQJ6KLWVDQGWKH¿UVWFF the whole affair gets a little too bar DOUHDG\ JRW VWDJH GDQFHUV IDW JX\V  consider Gito Gito Hustler to be their album, or maybe if the Soft Boys were URFN\ WKHLU VHFRQG VRQJ RQ KHUH  DQG H[SORVLRQV ERWWOH URFNHWV  VR D sister band. And would it be far too RQ5LS2II5HFRUGV7KHOHVVFRKHUHQW However, when they’re all wadding live album had to be coming. Live Captain Obvious to mention that moments suggest Pianosaurus trying XSDQG¿ULQJRIIWKHLUHDUO\+RW:DWHU albums have a band’s best songs (all Guitar Wolf is immediately brought to to sound like Jethro Tull covering Music riffs and the songs are latticed WKH6SLWVVRQJVDUHJRRG DQGWKHEDQG mind? Perhaps so, but I did anyway. “Shut Down” by the Germs. All in up a wee more complexly, like in is playing their best since they’re on ±6XVDQ&KXQJ *HDUKHDG all, i’ll take a mild rebuke for never “Sunday Morning,” I like ‘em quiet a tour (at one point, they ask Sean if he having heard the band ‘til now, but ELWPRUH±7RGG 9LQHKHOO UHPHPEHUV ³5HPRWH &RQWURO´ DW DOO SWELL MAPS: Wastrels and will not offer up my bottom for a the song they’ve been playing since Whippersnappers: CD full-on paddling. BEST SONG: SOME ACTION: The Band That Sucked  ,ORYHDOOWKH6SLWVVWXIIVRLW¶V A number of years ago, a few local “Full Moon-Blam-Full Moon” BEST the Life out of Rock’n’Roll and Killed easy to like this, a quick collection of rock intelligentsia types were all a- SONG TITLE: “Harmony In Your Itself in the Process: CD their sour gum punk from live shows twitter because Nikki Sudden was %DWKURRP´)$17$67,&$0$=,1* Apparently this record has been DQGDVL[VRQJVWLQWRQ:0)8$OVR playing in town. They thought it 75,9,$ )$&7 7KHVH ³SULPLWLYH relatively long-awaited. If you’ve been LQFOXGHVWKUHHOLYH.%'FRYHUVRQJV was noteworthily incongruous that home recordings” come with a health warning. One assumes this warning that amazing nine minute closing track TRICLOPS!: Cafeteria Brutalia: CD the rules are, I like what I sound came too late to save the tragically from Coping with the Urban Coyote by I picked this CD up because I knew like, “talent.” He wrote songs and QRORQJHUZLWKXV0U6XGGHQ±5HY 8QLGD&RXOGQRWUHFRPPHQGWKLVPRUH it had John Geek of Fleshies doing then begged some guys to record the 1¡UE 2YHUJURXQG if you are a fan of heavy rock. –Mike vocals. I had no idea what it was going guitar parts for him. He stole DVD )UDPH $XVWUDOLDQ&DWWOH*RG  to sound like and was really surprised cases out of Blockbuster dumpsters TEENAGE REGRETS: Self-titled: 7”EP to discover how similar it was to ‘cause CD cases are expensive. Heavy spazz, distortion garage rock in TOP TEN: Self-titled: 7”EP Fleshies. I guess the problem with Pencil-made covers, lyric sheet is on the same trailer park as the Functional This is bubblegum that sticks to the having as much style as John Geek paper he found in his Mom’s house Blackouts that whips chaotically bottom of badass rock’n’roll’s cleats is when you try to do something else, after she moved, and has enough into…overdrive surf. It’s that last part (with a Teenage Head cover thrown your voice is extremely recognizable commentary on it that it’s basically that keeps me, and it’s that part where LQIRUJRRGPHDVXUH )URQWHGE\7LQD and hard to separate from other a cool one page zine. And the music their sound bends like a blade of grass Lucchesi’s powerhouse vocals, and projects. Triclops!’s songs don’t sound is cool. I hope this kid is like twelve and doesn’t get uprooted, snapped, and totally giving off the “switchblade, completely like Fleshies’: they’re a lot years old and blaming society. He forgotten like so many more bands of lipstick, asskick, tough-but-tender” vibe, longer, they have some pretty sweet is the winner of all losers! Love it. WKLV LON 7HHQDJH 5HJUHWV VRXQG OLNH the Top Ten have released two great noise effects going on, and they’re ±6SHHGZD\ 5DQG\ SSG 6DP the Ventures in a tornado pantsing 7”s in a row. This one’s a little more less, I don’t know…what do you call North, 4303 11th Ave E, Bradenton, members Teengenerate as they all lose $&'&WKDQ%D\&LW\5ROOHUVWKDQWKH it? Punk? One song is partially sung )/ WKHLU¿QJHUJULSVRQDWHOHSKRQHSROH last, and I like ‘em equally as much. It’s in neo-Melanesian Creole, which that’s getting ripped out of the ground also a plus that it’s not too much of a appears to be a language spoken in URINAL MINTS: Own Your Soul: CD DQG À\LQJ IDU EH\RQG WKH KRUL]RQ stretch imagining them as a gang in The New Guinea, and another song is about It would be easier to choke down Oddly satisfying and recommended. :DUULRUV±7RGG &ODVVLF%DU the Salton Sea, so that’s pretty cool. If an actual soiled urinal mint than to ±7RGG )DVKLRQDEOH,GLRWV you’re a fan of Fleshies and are curious make it all the way through this CD TOTIMOSHI: Ladrón: CD as to what they would sound like if they in one sitting. I required four separate TIA CARRERA: Self-titled: CD After listening to this, I’ve come to were a little more “out there,” then pick occasions to get through the twenty- Despite the bad band name, this is the realization that I gotta be in the WKLVXS±'DU\O 6LFNURRP seven unmercifully awful songs some awesome heavy rock. Crushing, mood for these guys. When I am, on this disc. Two of the three band slightly meandering stoner rock that is their brand of sludged-out rock hits TROUBLEMAKE: Staying members were smart enough to use all instrumental. It is excellently done the spot, with enough thud punched ŃK=PEJ#HKNE@=ġ CD photos that don’t reveal their identities DQG YHU\ K\SQRWLF²QRW WKLQJV , ¿QG into the tuneage to get me to reach for Wow—7 Secondsish, fast, happy- on the back cover, which leads me to myself saying about most of the heavy the volume and turn it up. When I’m voiced punk, poppy but too quick for EHOLHYHWKHLGHQWL¿DEOHLGLRWLVWKHRQH URFNWKDWKDVFRPHRXWLQWKHSDVW¿YH not, they’re kinda like dealing with radio, really great homegrown rock responsible for this utter cow shit. The years. It has become a trend and most an abscessed tooth while hung over. from a tiny town. A snappy six songs 8ULQDO0LQWVWDNHVWDEVDWDIHZJHQUHV bands are half assed. This band is also Fortunately for me, I was in the mood in seven minutes. First song called metal, pop punk, power ballad, all of saved by not having any lyrics, so no for ’em this time ’round. –Jimmy “No Talent, So What?” lasts fourty- which are generic pabulum. The song embarrassing attempts to be “deep.” The $OYDUDGR &UXFLDO%ODVW three seconds, but I think there is WLWOHVVD\LWDOO³5LYHURI3LVV´³6KH¶V whole record pretty much sounds like talent here, as in DIY don’t care what Got a Dick,” “Dildo,” “Fuck Me up the Ass,” “Cockpunch,” “Kill and VARIOUS ARTISTS: Havoc: PHORG\LQWKHLUWXQHVEXWWKH\VDFUL¿FH breakfast. All the songs are tight, even Fuck,” “Mind If I Masturbate,” etc. The First 15 Years: CD none of the power in their output. In all, with many of the bands that I had Own Your Soul is one of the dumbest, I’ve never been the biggest fan of a solid comp, something of a rarity these never heard about at all. The Matics’ un-fuckin’-funny extended jokes I’ve comps (and that is especially true days, which makes this all the better. “Locomotivelung,” Vic Bondi’s ever heard. Avoid at all costs. –Josh of label-based comps), but there are –Jimmy Alvarado (Southkore, www. “Method,” and Munition’s “Superstar.” Benke (Plinko Productions) GH¿QLWHO\ H[FHSWLRQV 7KH VHFUHW WR D southkorerecords.com) +DUGWRPHVVXSWKDWODVWRQHVLQFHLW¶V making a good comp is to make it feel one of the greatest punk songs ever VARIOUS ARTISTS: Everybody more like a mix tape than a showcase. VARIOUS ARTISTS: written. Anyone who wants to dispute Loves Antiseen: 2 x CD 3D\ DWWHQWLRQ WR WKH SDFLQJ WKH ÀRZ Spastics Music Volume One: CD this statement can send me a rebuttal Tribute records are always hit or DQGKRZHYHU\WKLQJ¿WVWRJHWKHU:LWK I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure XQGHU¿YHKXQGUHGZRUGVRIFRXUVH  miss. If you like or love the band to +DYRFWKH\KDYHWKHEHQH¿WRIEHLQJ this is a collection of bands from the via U.S. Mail. I’ll get it someday. Great whom the tribute is issued, such a able to throw on tracks by amazing 0LGZHVW,FRXOGQ¶W¿QGDQ\ODEHOLQIR CD, great package from an up and UHFRUG FDQ HLWKHU EH FRQ¿UPDWLRQ RI bands like DS-13, Regulations, (the website they provide didn’t work coming label. Now where is the Naked the band’s greatness and rock on its Kylesa, and Amdi Petersen’s Arme. for me), but there’s a number of weird Raygun tribute CD? –Sean Koepenick own, or it can come off as a complete Aggressive, fast hardcore makes thirty- indie rock/post punk bands (some (Underground Communiqué) dud because it simply isn’t that band. HLJKWWUDFNVÀ\E\$EVROXWHO\HVVHQWLDO that sound a lot like Girls Vs. Boys, So, I will not offer judgment in that DVDQLQWURGXFWLRQWR+DYRFDQGSUHWW\ one that sounded like Against Me! by VARIOUS: Oi! The Album: CD regard. If you’re into Antiseen, I’m crucial even if you’re well versed in ZD\RI+RRWLH$QG7KH%ORZ¿VK DV Ah, yes, good to see you again, old SUHWW\ VXUH \RX¶OO OLNH WKLV²¿IW\ WKHLUUHOHDVHV±0HJDQ +DYRF well as one of my favorite Modern friend…. Much turntable-time has seven recordings of their most brutal Machines songs. Other than that, this record gotten from me over the offerings, and, of course, there is quite VARIOUS ARTISTS: Mal de Ojo: CD the other highlights to me were the past twenty-odd years, and with good a variety in the way that the tunes are Two bands from Chicago, two from &URVVHG :LUHV DQG 3%$UP\ VRQJV reason: it’s a great fuckin’ record. presented. (That’s one of the best Puerto Rico. No Slogan: Nice hardcore I’d be interested to hear what else the Unlike so many of the more recent things about tribute records—those with a hint of singalongisms thrown ODEHOLVXSWRLI,FRXOG¿QGDQ\LQIR forays into the oi / “streetpunk,” this, few tracks that are recorded in a in and a smoking cover of the Bhopal on it. –Joe Evans III (Spastics) WKHYHU\¿UVWRIWKHORWUHOHDVHGZD\ completely different fashion than the Stiffs’ “Too Many Things” thrown in for back in 1980, is blessed with a track original.) And now that I’ve heard good measure. Tropiezo: Angry, thrashy VARIOUS ARTISTS: The World list that is consistently great, if not this, I’m singing a new tune when it stuff that ain’t too fast and don’t need I Know—A Tribute to Pegboy: CD downright awe-inspiring. A couple comes to Antiseen; this reviewer is any metal to give it “power.” Intifada: I know some cynics out there in of clunkers aside (hello Postmen and really starting to like the Boys from :KHQWKH\VORZLWGRZQWKH\¶UHTXLWH musicland sometimes think that tribute Barney & The Rubbles), the bands Brutalsville (I can’t stop singing good, but the hyper-tempoed approach records shit ten foot bricks. Sometimes represented reads like a who’s who ³-XVWL¿DEOH+RPLFLGH´DWZRUNZKHQ doesn’t really work well for them. that is indeed true. But not with this of the original “oi” wave—Cockney dealing with shitty customers). But, Man, I haven’t heard drums that sloppy twenty-four track whopper! Extensive Rejects (whose “Oi Oi Oi” here gave returning to my opening thoughts, I in years! Juventud Crasa: They may liner notes that tell you everything the style its name), Peter And The think that this one really hits. –The eschew the velocity of their album you need to know about Pegboy, short Test Tube Babies, 4 Skins, Exploited, Lord Kveldulfr (TKO) mates, and they may have a bit more of what type of cereal Larry eats for Terrible Twins (a collaboration EHWZHHQ7KH&RFNQH\5HMHFWV¶0LFN VENA CAVA / SICK SICK BIRDS: about Verbal Abuse before this stuff noise that makes it sound like the *HJJXVDQG.LG]1H[W'RRUEDVVLVW Split 7” EP LVWKDWDJRRGVHYHQW\¿YHSHUFHQW band was playing the opening slot *UDQW )OHPLQJ  $QJHOLF 8SVWDUWV Betrayal, loss, and alcoholism; Vena of the kids with a punk patch jacket at Cheap Trick’s Budokan show, Cocksparrer (whose blues workout Cava, one of San Diego’s long- seem to have that Verbal Abuse because they sound like they’re in a “Sunday Stripper” remains one of running secrets, continue to improve logo with the crazy-looking guy stadium full of thousands of excited WKH FROOHFWLRQ¶V EULJKWHVW PRPHQWV  on their heart-felt, cathartic music somewhere on their person. The Japanese school girls or something, 0D[ 6SORGJH DQG 6ODXJKWHU 7KH that’s a unique splicing of Jawbox music itself is very much in the vein instead of the VFW hall or shitty Dogs—and the songs they contribute (subtle angularities, guitars being of the mid-‘80s era Mystic hardcore bar that I’m almost certain they had are all anthems of the genre. Many a WZHDNHG EXW QRW ZDQNHG  DQG ; EDQGV OLNH 5./ DQG 'U .QRZ to of been actually playing. –Adrian noggin, this once included, has been (brother and sister duet vocals that Actually, they remind me a lot of 0DOW6RGD shaved to this bad boy, and no doubt really do sound desperate, instead of HDUO\ 5./ ZKLFK LV PDQLFDOO\ that will remain the case for some time VWULNLQJDFRQYHQLHQWSRVH 7KHVHDUH shouted skate punk with some slight VERMIN, THE: A Fist Full of Hell: CD to come. Glad to see this is available two of my favorite songs by them. metallisms in the guitar every now Thirty songs are a lot to swallow with its original track list intact, and Sick Sick Birds: I’ve been waiting and then. This kind of hardcore, from a band I’ve never heard of much thanks to the Captain for the years to say this: The Thumbs’ Mike I’ve found, is subject to an odd law before. But this nutty trio from Vegas format upgrade. Now I can give my and Bobby are back playing music of diminishing returns. Namely, makes the ride hair-raising. Fast, vinyl copy a much-deserved rest. together. Trading in the frenetic, it’s that none of this style of semi- loud, and loose, these guys are on ±-LPP\$OYDUDGR &DSWDLQ2L tight-wound signatures for mid- thrash punk is ever really bad, but to something. Any band that covers paced, melody-balanced tunes, it’s usually very homogenous. The The Damned and Judas Priest on the VARSITY WEIRDOS, THE: 6LFN 6LFN %LUGV UHÀHFW DJLQJ ZHOO UHVXOWLVWKDWZKHQ\RX¿UVWKHDUD same record is cool in my book. Best Fly Me up to the Moon: 7” EP Imagine the Thumbs listening to a band playing this kind of punk, it’ll song title:“Fuck You Too.” –Sean “Don’t Back Down” by The lot of mid-period Superchunk, a little sound amazing and maybe even life .RHSHQLFN :RRG6KDPSRR 4XHHUV SDFHG SRS SXQN RQO\ WKH Joy Division, and saying, “Let’s start changing, but after the initial band singer isn’t trying to copy Brian all over again,” without discarding or has taken strong root in your heart, VIOLENT LOVES CLUB: n.b.s.n.c.: LP Williams. I’ve mentioned it before, betraying what they once learned…. none of the subsequent bands you This Violent Lovers Club LP if you’re into pop punk, watch It’s *UHDWVWXII±7RGG $''  hear that play in this vein ever sound (QEVQF LVDELWRIOHWGRZQEXWQRW $OLYH5HFRUGVEHFDXVHWKLVFDPH quite as good, even if it’s through a complete disappointment. Harsh? on colored vinyl, with a poster, VERBAL ABUSE: no fault of the band for not getting Not sure. I mean, I’ve never heard DQGIDQF\&'5VR\RXNQRZWKH\ Rocks Your Liver and Then Some: CD \RXU HDUV ¿UVW 7KDW VDLG WKH ¿UVW Odie Furie’s stuff before (former don’t mess around. Also, I’m going )URP ZKDW , FRXOG ¿QG RXW ZLWK bonus track “Fun, Fun, Fun” (not a ¿JXUHKHDGRI7KH%DVHEDOO)XULHV  to point out that one of the dudes some help from my good friend FRYHURIWKH%LJ%R\VVRQJ LVSUHWW\ but a lot of my homies (Todd Taylor on the cover of this is wearing the internet, this is a reissue of the damn catchy and sticks out. The live VWLFNV RXW  UHDOO\ ORYHG WKHP 6R nearly the same Soviettes shirt as I second album released sometime in tracks all actually sound pretty good yeah, I was expecting something— am now, so I like the cut of his jib. the mid-‘80s by Verbal Abuse with too, and are about as strong as the like—really good, but all I got ±-RH(YDQV,,, ,W¶V$OLYH a large smattering of bonus tracks. studio stuff. The thing I really like was okay; again, this is taking into The only thing I’ve ever known about these tracks is the audience consideration the constant praises the Furies received. (I gotta say, DVJRRGDV-D\5HDWDUG¶VVRORUHFRUG WRECKING CREW: up your alley. But that’s a really hard having Wes from the Clone Defects which—as of November 28, 2006— Balance of Terror: CD thing to say because when dealing on the album—currently playing LVWKHEHVWUHFRUGRIWKH\HDUVRIDU  Late ‘80s Bostonian hardcore. This with bands that are constantly trying with Miss Alex White—who’s self- It’s like if you had an okay Fall or is their one and only full length to break some kind of pre-assigned WLWOHG,QWKH5HG5HFRUGVUHOHDVHZDV John Cale album. You know at the record, released in 1989. There’s PROGZKRNQRZVZKDWVSHFL¿FWKLQJ arguably the best album of 2005— very worst it’s gonna be mediocre, no wheel reinventing going on people like about them. I sure as hell leads me to expect something big! and a lot of people at their best aren’t here–it’s straightforward breakdown GRQ¶W±'DU\O +XPDQ&RQGXFW And I mean really big! $QG\HDK even close to tepid. I mean, just read hardcore. The aggression of their the record’s all right. It has a mellow /RXLV)HUGLQDQG &HOLQH ±5\DQ HDUOLHU LQÀXHQFH²1HJDWLYH ); DQG ZATOPEKS / THE COPYRIGHTS: early ‘70s glam feel to it, with hints /HDFK %LJ1HFN SSD—feels tempered a bit with this Handclaps & Bottlecaps: 7” of retarded genius (see Jonathan recording, as was common with the Two bands offer up two songs each 5LFKPDQ  ,W¶V QRW EORZLQJ P\ WILLIS 45: Mutiny: CD progression and metal crossover of for this 7”, and the catch? They’re all pancreas out like Peter Laughner’s Dear Aaron, later ‘80s hardcore bands. Sounds acoustic. Pop punk unplugged. The stuff, but it’s certainly better than 5HFHLYHG\RX&'IRUUHYLHZ'DPQHG more like bands of the time period: ¿UVWVRQJRQVLGH$E\7KH=DWRSHNV QLQHW\¿YH SHUFHQW RI WKH MXQN , relieved to hear some good, energetic Cro-Mags and Agnostic Front. was not all that great, and I feared the receive. So what’s that mean? Look punk rock. Immediately liked your Vocals, though male, remind me at worst. But the three remaining tracks for it in the discount or used racks. JULWW\ YRFDOV ³%::888*+´  times of Wendy O of The Plasmatics, save the day. The Copyrights do And In Closing: If you want to and a visit to your myspace page EXWWKHQDJDLQVRGRHV5RJHU0LUHWRI acoustic versions of one song from squabble about “Oh, that’s not fair FRQ¿UPV P\ VXVSLFLRQ IURP WKH Agnostic Front. A worthwhile release We Didn’t Come Here to Die and to compare his old stuff—which you lack of collaborators listed on your for mid-late ‘80s New York hardcore one from Mutiny Pop, and they do it haven’t heard—to his new stuff,” &' WKDW\RXDUHDRQHPDQEDQG IDQV±.2 ,6FUHDP beautifully. I seriously want to burn then go take a hike to your friend’s %DFNXS YRFDOV WRR" 1LFH  , KDYH the originals next to these versions house or local record store and buy/ to tell you that the sound gets a YUKON: Gough b/w Flushed: 7” and just listen to them right after steal/con this album outta them. You ELWPXGGOHGLQSODFHV ³7URXEOH´  The most interesting thing about this another! Out of everything I’ve ever can write me a review and send it to but considering the fact that you record is that one side is supposed to KHDUGIURP7KH=DWRSHNVWKHLUVHFRQG my email address (just be sure not to play each instrument with speed be played at 33 1/3, and the other side song—“Turkish Bread Chronicle”— JLYHLWRXWWRSHRSOH FDUGFKHDW# DQG ÀDLU²DQG WKDW \RX GR LW DOO is supposed to be played at 45. And is now my favorite. Wonderful lyrics hotmail.com. Last Thought: Look, yourself—I’m still impressed. If then if that wasn’t confusing enough, DQGÀDZOHVVH[HFXWLRQ'RQ¶WOHWWKH guys and gals, as a record reviewer you do someday expand into a full- neither side is labeled. Good one acoustic theme scare you away. Aside for a magazine whose opinions are ÀHGJHGEDQG,KRSH\RXUHWDLQ\RXU guys, you really scored some of those IURPWKH¿UVWVRQJWKLVLVDVSOLW\RX not dictated by record label interests, position as bass player and singer coveted “mysterious” points. Other should probably add to your I gotta look out for you. I won’t WKHIUHVKHVWDVSHFWVRI\RXUPXVLF  than that whole dealy, I didn’t really FROOHFWLRQ±0U= ,W¶V$OLYH recommend half-way there records. and that the rest of the band can care for it. It wasn’t really focused We have a fully searchable This album is an okay release for keep up with your frenetic energy. enough for my tastes. If you like the database of these record reviews, %LJ 1HFN 5HFRUGV WKH\ UHOHDVHG Yours truly, arty-yet-guitary bands that are on Jade and thousands more, up on that Lost Sounds’ LP, which is not ±6XVDQ&KXQJ :LOOLV Tree or Dischord, this might be right www.razorcake.org. We have a website that's being updated every other day with stuff that's not in the zine, filled with hard-to-find distro.

Here's a precious moment with "The Ambassador," embarking on another selfless mission of spreading joy, one Sparks at a time.

www.razorcake.org CONTACT ADDRESSES to bands and labels that were reviewed either in this issue or posted on www.razorcake.org recently.

• 1-2-3-4 Go!, 2928 Telegraph • Dynatone, www. • Morning Riot, c/o Lou’s • Stolen Ghost, 1715 West 12th $YH2DNODQG&$ dynatonerecords.com 5HFRUGV1&RDVW+Z\ (XJHQH25 • Acme, PO Box 441, Dracut, • Eagle Rock Entertainment, Encinitas, CA 92024 • Stomp5DFKHO(0RQWUHDO MA 01826 22 West 38th St. 7th Fl., • Night Rally, 4&+:&&DQDGD • A.D.D., PO Box 8240, Tampa, NY, NY 10018 www.nightrally.com • Stop Whining, Start Winning, FL. 33674 • Ecstatic Peace, 116 Pleasant St. • Night Terror, 58 Belaire Dr., • Afternoon, 222 W. 25th St., (DVWKDPSWRQ0$ [email protected] Horseheads, NY 14845 MPLS, MN 55404 • EKG(:DOQXW6W8QLW+ • No Front Teeth, PO Box 27070, • Street Anthem, PO Box 218 • Alternative Tentacles, PO Box Santa Ana, CA 92701 /RQGRQ1=3(QJODQG 1530 Locust St., 419092, SF, CA 94141 • Enchantment Under The • No Idea, PO Box 14636, Philadelphia, PA 19102 • ANTI/Epitaph, 2798 Sunset Stars, PO Box 35056, Gainesville, FL. 32604 • Stuck Lucky, Blvd., LA, CA 90026 -XQHDX$. • Noma Beach, PO Box 735, www.stucklucky.com • Apop, 9802 Greenvalley, St. • Fashionable Idiots, PO Box Sonoma, CA 95476 • Stumble, 57 Leaside Dr., St Louis, MO 63136 580131, MPLS, MN 55458 • Not Bad World Industries, PO Catharines, ON L2M 4G1 Canada • Australian Cattle God, 1306 E. • Fat, PO Box 193690, Box 371292, Denver, CO 80237 • Suburban Home, PO Box 6th St., Austin, TX 78702 SF, CA 94119 • One Legged Pup, 40757, Denver, CO 80204 • Bachelor, 5421 Adnet 186, Austria • Fudge Sickill, PO Box 7052, www.lookeredup.com • Super Secret, PO Box 1585, • Bad Afro, Studiestraede 24, 2, Villa Park, IL 60181 • Overground, PO Box 1NW, Austin, TX 78767 &RSHQKDJHQ.'HQPDUN • Full Breach Kicks, 2060 N. 1HZFDVWOH8SRQ7\QH1( • Swami, PO Box 620428, • Bad Idea Music, PO Box 6052, California Ave., 1NW, England San Diego, CA 92162 Huntington Beach, CA 92615 Chicago, IL 60647 • Pirates Press, 819 30th Ave., • Swingline, The, PO Box 19712, • Bad Taste, Box 1243, 221 05 • GC, PO Box 3806, SF, CA 94121 Seattle, WA 98109 Lund, Sweden Fullerton, CA 92834 • Pizza PizzaFR6KDZQ4XLQQ • Switchblade Kittens, 20555 • Basement Attick, 246 Emond, • Gearhead, PO Box 421219, 630 Cameo St., Devonshire St., Ste. 250, 6W2WWDZD21./5&DQDGD SF, CA 94142 Lansing, MI 48911 Chatsworth, CA 91311 • Beginning Era, 715 NE Failing • Gertie Fox, www.gertiefox.com • Plinko, www.heyhoplinko.com • Takeover, 1810 14th St., Ste. 6W3RUWODQG25 • Get Hip, PO Box 666, • Postfact, PO Box 21041, 210, Santa Monica, CA 90404 • Big Neck, PO Box 8144, Canonsburg, PA 15317 Washington, D.C. 20009 • Third Party, 21 Nancy Ln., 5HVWRQ9$ • Gigantic Music, 59 Franklin • Pteradon, c/o Max Feshbach, Amherst, NY 14228 • Birdman, PO Box 50777, St., Ste. 403, NY, NY 10013 364 S 20th St., • Tiberius, 4280 Catalpa Dr., LA, CA 90050 • Goner, 2152 Young Ave., San Jose, CA 95116 ,QGHSHQGHQFH.< • Blacks Run, PO Box 113, Memphis, TN 38104 • Rapid Cities, c/o John • Tic Tac Totally, 2160 Chestnut Harrisonburg, VA 22803 • Grotesque Modern, 726 Terry, 120 Hamilton St., New 5G+RPHZRRG,/ • Blind Spot, PO Box 40064, 5LFKDUGV6W9DQFRXYHU%& Brunswick, NJ 08901 • TKO$WODQWD$YH 3RUWODQG25 Canada V6B 3A4 • Red Shirt, Huntington Beach, CA 92646 • Buckshot, 6 Briarcliff Pl., • Gruk, PO Box 4838, www.chopsuzymusic.com • Touch & Go, PO Box 25520, Huntington, NY 11743 Chico, CA 95927 • Religious As Fuck, c/o Vinyl Chicago, IL 60625 • Buddyhead, PO Box 1268, • Havoc, PO Box 8585, 5LWHV32%R[*DLQHVYLOOH • Underground Communiqué, Hollywood, CA 90078 MPLS, MN 55408 FL. 32602-0924 PO Box 14334, • Captain Oi, c/o PO Box • Hjernespind, PO Box 604, • Remember Artists, Chicago, IL 60614 501, High Wycombe, Bucks, 2200 Copenhagen, Denmark [email protected] • Up, PO Box 21328, +34$ • House of Restitution, www. • Revel Yell, Seattle, WA 98111 • Chick Pop, houseofrestitution.com www.revelyellmusic.com • Velocette, 83 Walton St., www.clickpoprecords.com • Human Conduct, 4504 • Round 3, 1229 Lyons Ave., Atlanta, GA 30303 • Chief Logan, 64 Dupont St. Ste. Prospect Cr., Turlock, CA 95380 • Vinehell, PO Box 36131, 2L, Brooklyn, NY 11222 Baltimore, MD 21216 • Sabot, PO Box 28, Gainesville, San Jose, CA 95158 • Clarence Thomas, • Hydra Head, PO Box 291430, FL. 32602-0028 • Volcom, 1740 Monrovia Ave., www.bistrodistro.com LA, CA 90029 • Schizophrenic, 17 West 4th St., Costa Mesa, CA 92627 • Classic Bar Music, 1323 Minna • I Scream, PO Box 46608, Hamilton, Ontario, • Willis 45, PO Box 20312, St., SF, CA 94103 LA, CA 90046 L9C 3M2 Canada Greenville, NC 27858 • Columbus Discount, www. • Idol, PO Box 720043, • Scientist and the Duke, The, • Wolverine,P+XFNLQJHU.DPS columbusdiscountrecords.com Dallas, TX 75372 :5R\DO3DOP5G 43a, 47259 Duisburg, Germany • Crafty, 75 Earley St., • In the Red, PO Box 50777, 3HRULD$= • Wood Shampoo, PO Box Bronx, NY 10464 LA, CA 90050 • SFE, PO Box 609250, 27801, Las Vegas, NV 89126 • Crimes Against Humanity, PO • Iron Pier, PO Box 279, East Cleveland, OH 44109 • Youngblood, PO Box 236, Box 1421, Eau Claire, WI Setauket, NY 11733 • Sickroom, PO Box 47830, Ephrata, PA 17522 54702-1421 • It’s Alive, 11411 Hewes St., Chicago, IL 60647 • Crucial Blast, PO Box 354, Orange, CA 92869 • Snuffy Smiles, 12-A Hagerstown, MD 21741 • King Of Hearts, PO Box .DPLNRXVDLFKR6KLFKLNX.LWD • Crustacean, PO Box 829, 3RUWODQG25 NX.\RWR-DSDQ Madison, WI 53701-0829 • Light In The Attic, PO Box • Static, 17215 Mack Ave., • Demolition Derby, 31970, Seattle, WA 98103 Detroit, MI 48224 Nekkerspoelstr 29, 2800 • Mental(%DUQHWW5G • Steel Cage, PO Box 29247, Mechelen, Belgium 6WH(0HGIRUG25 Philadelphia, PA 19125 • Division Day, • Modern Radio, PO Box 8886, • Stiff Slack, 4F-3 Hato Building, www.divisionday.com MPLS, MN 55408 6DNDH1DND.X1DJR\D shi, Aichi 460-0008, Japan Send all zines for review “I am left with the to: Razorcake, PO Box 42129, LA, CA. reassurance that Please include a postal life may be a strug- address (that’s how we trade), the number of pages, gle, but it doesn’t the price, and whether or really have to suck.” not you accept trades. (Slug And Lettuce)

BLACKPOOL ROCKS II ŝ writing that would have been really zine. Highly recommended and pancakes, quesadillas, and oatmeal 2, 8 ½” x 12”, copied, easy to do really badly, but comes off A+ perfect if read in a hammock. cookies. The layout’s stiff as hell, comes w/ CD really well. It’s almost like poetry or –Todd (Coffeebreath c/o No Idea, and it never hurts to spell–check, Your usual music zine, based out somethin’. If you’re into these kinds PO Box 14636, Gainesville, FL dude. Still while the recipes aren’t of Blackpool, England. It had of zines, you’ve probably read these  exactly exotic or anything, they’re parts I liked and parts that I didn’t. guys’ work before, and if you haven’t okay for, say, a dude who lives There was an article about the then that’s too bad. Either way, you DWELLING PORTABLY, alone and whose idea of a big night FRPPRGL¿FDWLRQ RI PXVLF WKDW ZDV VKRXOG GH¿QLWHO\ JHW WKLV ±'DU\O September 2006, $1, 5½” x 8½”, out is a six–pack of Hamms, some overly intellectual and dull and if (Lew Houston, 135 Wapwallopen copied, 22 pgs. jo–jos and a box of fried rice from you add the tiny print on top of that, 5G1HVFRSHFN3$ Well. This zine is about, WKH JURFHU\ VWRUH ±.HLWK 5RVVRQ it was downright maddening. There appropriately enough, how to dwell 0DWWKHZ %RGHWWH  97 57 were also several columns about BROKEN PENCIL #33, $5.95, portably. Apparently, we really 9HUJHQQHV97 why we shouldn’t watch television, 8½” x 12”, glossy cover, 72 pgs. don’t need houses and electricity in with graphic descriptions of TV Broken Pencil is Canada’s the modern world. I, however, like GO METRIC #21, $2, shows to the point where one is left “magazine of culture and the my relatively stable crapshack, and 8½” x 11”, 84 pgs. wondering why they don’t take some independent arts.” This is “The since I live near a viable, centralized %,$6 $/(57 , FRQVLGHU WKH Go of their own advice. This article was Food Issue,” so it talks about vegan food source, my world doesn’t need Metric editor in chief a good friend also in seizure–inducing small print. I cookbooks, lefty food co–ops, and to be that portable. However, if of mine, not to mention we’re band would have found the bad writing to the like. Its main focus, though, is on you’re into the nomadic existence, mates. That being said, how could be much more tolerable if I hadn’t of UHYLHZVRI]LQHVLQGHSHQGHQW¿OPV I’d bet dollars to donuts that this I NOT love this? There’s a freakin’ practically gone blind trying to read books, etc. I believe it was right here would be a helpful zine. Lots and comparison of The Simpsons it. Please folks, respect your readers in Razorcake, that I recently read lots of copy about things such as to NOFX! Other highlights to enough to allow for them to read a review of Broken Pencil, where where in the wilds to put your poop me were the Green Day vs. The your zine without getting a headache. they accused it of being “square” in any given season, using a venom *HUPV SLHFH -RH .HOOHU¶V 'LUW Aside from the above there was an or something to that effect. I’m not extractor to remove a tick, and how %LNH $QQLH WULEXWH WKH 86 $LU interview with The Weakerthans that really comfortable saying anything to recycle damaged plastic buckets Guitar Champion interview, and had good questions. I haven’t been bad about this magazine, but I’d have with new uses. Also, if you’re the article about the dude’s messed a fan of the band but after reading to agree. If Zine World is The Match, LQWR FDPSLQJ , PHDQ LQWR 5($/ up nut. Plus there are the reviews, what the interviewer got out of them, then Broken Pencil would probably camping, not living off of Ding which make me feel if a magazine I might have to check them out again. be The Utne Reader or The Nation. It 'RQJV VWRZHG LQ WKH WUXQN  ,¶P can totally trash a record I love, it’s My favorite part of the zine was an serves an important purpose; yet, it’s sure that this would be a great mag. doing something right. As always, LQWHUYLHZZLWKDPHPEHURI=RXQGV tainted by respectability. It could use There’s almost no wasted space, this is highly recommended. –Joe It’s always cool to see what members more life, chaos, and fun. –Craven and the info appears knowledgeable Evans III (Mike Faloon, 801 Eagles of classic old bands are doing (in their (Broken Pencil, PO Box 203, Stn P, and covers diverse topics (about 5LGJH5RDG%UHZVWHU1< OLYHV PXVLFDOO\ RU QRW  HVSHFLDOO\ 7RURQWR21066&DQDGD KRZ WR GZHOO SRUWDEO\  ,I \RX¶UH JRJRPHWULF#\DKRRFRP if they’re forward moving and not homeless or on the run from the some washed-up hacks milking past COFFEEBREATH #2, Winter cops or into hardcore camping, this GRAN PELIGRO #4, $?, achievements. This issue also came 2006, $3.00, 6” x 6”, LV IRU \RX ±7KH /RUG .YHOGXOIU 5½” x 8½”, copied, 44 pgs. with a CD called, The Ugly Truth silk-screened cover. (Dwelling Portably, PO Box 190– Your basic punk rock resistance mag, about Blackpool, which is supposed 5HSOD\ 'DYH ZKR SXWV WKLV ]LQH /3KLORPDWK25± only from the Philippines. Interviews to be representative of that city’s together, can make the sun rise with Crapsalad, Crustation, Standfast, scene. Most of the music was kind and set with his pushups. It’s EXIT 63 BLUES (LUST FOR Master Titan, The Opera Vigils, and of pretty and melodic; not what I true. Dave’s a believer of toil LISTS) #2, $1, 5½” x 8½”, No Bullshit zine. It’s neat to see this; ZDV H[SHFWLQJ IURP 8. SXQN ,W and celebration, of getting things copied, 16 pgs. even if it does tread a well–worn was pretty good and I’ll listen to it right in both one’s head and by 7KLV JX\ OLVWV WKH WRS ¿YH WKLQJV path of format and content, the DJDLQ±&UDYHQ %ODFNSRRO5RFNV,, one’s own hands. When that is the that he did each day. I think he still Philippines origin makes it a bit fresh PO Box 1025, Blackpool, FY3 OFA, fulcrum on which Coffeebreath lives with the parents. This zine and moseying down the adjectival 8QLWHG.LQJGRPZZZMVQWJPFRP  assuredly swings, there’s no such would be a lot more interesting if spectrum towards “unique.” But, thing as an unexpected topic. In he did more than watch baseball otherwise, it’s fairly standardized BLURT! #4/ GULLIBLE #27, WKLV LVVXH 5HSOD\ LQYHVWLJDWHV games, did chores, and went online as far as this genre goes. –The Lord $2, 8½” x 7”, photocopied, 48 pgs. the idea of “home.” Interviews UHFRUG VKRSSLQJ ±.HLWK 5RVVRQ .YHOGXOIU -D\ *DUFLD &OXVWHU±0 This zine rules! Both of these range from Against Me!’s Tom 0DWWKHZ %RGHWWH  97 57 Lot–72, Bagong Nayon–1, Antipolo guys are great writers and great Gabel living in hotels for a year, 9HUJHQQHV97 &LW\3KLOLSSLQHV storytellers with great stories to tell. to the ups and downs of communal This issue of Blurt! is really different living with a founder of The Ark, a EXIT 63 BLUES COOKBOOK, MAKE THIS DAY #1, $1, than the other ones I’ve read. The community/artspace in Gainesville. $1, 5½” x 8½”, copied, 16 pgs. 4” x 5”, copied, 24 pgs. writing style has switched to some $GG LQ D QHZ 5DGRQ LQWHUYLHZ Cookbook with eight or ten recipes This is one of those little self– form of stream of consciousness DQG \RX¶YH JRW RQH KHOO RI D ¿QH that tell you how to make stuff like indulgent, get yer thoughts and emotions off yer chest and out to take a hike for a second. This zine OX FANZINEŝ heard about, but if not, it’s pretty the world, and hope that somehow fucking sucks! Just like every collage glossy/perfect-bound, much a punk rock institution. It all the goofy stuff in your own head zine I’ve ever seen! You might ask, 8½” x 11”,140 pgs. has columns by some of the best can strike a chord or help someone “Hey, what’s wrong with collage?” This glossy covered publication writers out today, which are topical else zines. Not that that’s a bad To which I would reply, “nothing.” isn’t so much a zine as it is a and timely. It also has plenty of thing; a bit of self–indulgence can “Collage zines,” however, are a IXOO±ÀHGJHG PXVLF PDJD]LQH ZLWK zine, record, and book reviews. be an extremely healthy thing, different thing altogether. They a great list of interview subjects This zine is always an inspiration especially if it prevents you from have no theme (unless you count including AFI, Against Me, Greg in that it’s full of people that didn’t mowing down the neighbors with 1L[RQ¶V KHDG LQ WKLV RQH  RU SRLQW *UDI¿Q 1HZ Pretty Girls Make Graves own place in the world. I always at one time or another, and many of and sloppily thrown together, usually and lots more. It also comes with a read it cover to cover and am left us have written something similar. full–size, with one staple in the top free CD with twenty-nine tracks on with the reassurance that life may Ashley Addict, sole creator of Make left corner. God forbid they hit the it. Very nicely done. The layout was be a struggle, but it doesn’t really This Day, includes lots of interesting UHGXFHEXWWRQRQWKHFRSLHURU JDVS  smooth and everything looked quite KDYH WR VXFN ±&UDYHQ 6OXJ  drawings and observations about a fold. What in the world makes people professional. My only complaint /HWWXFH32%R[5LFKPRQG world that is painted in relatively do these zines? They obviously don’t is that it was all in German and 9$± oppressive colors. This is kind give an airborne fuck. Or do they? thus I couldn’t read any of it. of a mini–memoir of coming to What are they thinking when they’re Why these foreign language zines SOME HOPE AND SOME terms with a world that isn’t fully sitting there with their rubber cement keep sending us stuff to review is DESPAIR #9, $3, 8½” x 12”, of bunnies and sparklers the way in hand? Are they overwhelmed beyond me. Maybe Razorcake is photocopied, 36 pgs. that it should be. If you’re a cynic, with the creative urge or just stoned KXJH RYHUVHDV" ±.XUW 0RUULV 2[ First of all, a lot of you might care GRQ¶WERWKHU±7KH/RUG.YHOGXOIU and bored? Do they think that we’re Fanzine, PO BOX 102225, 42755 to know that SHASD is Lance (Make This Day, 131 Lakewood going to be super impressed that they +DDQ*HUPDQ\ from J Church’s zine. Jesus, what 'U:LOOLDPVEXUJ9$ can cut up a fucking magazine? What a hard working guy he is: doing a the hell do they think we’re supposed PUBICK OCCURANCES zine, a record label, and being in a MAXIMUM ROCK’N’ROLL to do with the damn things? Are we #8, $1/stamps/trade, 5½” x 4”, EDQG V" 7KLV]LQHLVPRVWO\KLP #282, $4, 8½” x 12”, supposed to slowly take in each page, copied, 24 pgs. talking about stuff that he likes, newsprint, 148 pgs. pondering what they might be trying 4XLFNUHDGDQGRUORRN\ORRNHDFK like Austin’s Asian restaurants and 5HYLHZLQJ MRR matters about to say? Are we supposed to run to our issue, this guy draws sixty-four his “Top Ten Asian Horror Flicks.” as much as reviewing cigarettes. friends, shitting ourselves to show SRUWUDLWV IRXUWRDSDJH WDNHQIURP There are also reviews of favorite You’re already familiar with it and them this inspirational, revolutionary various yearbooks. This one’s from IRUHLJQ DUW ¿OPV DQG KDUGFRUH are going to either buy it or not, juxtaposition of a Nixon head with 1985, so you can see plenty of big records. He has included a tour regardless of what I have to say. scribbles, followed by another glasses, feathered hair, and mullets diary of his band, which I believe This issue has interviews with The page of Nixon with devil horns, ad RQ JLUOV .LG FDQ GH¿QLWHO\ GUDZ± to be J Church, but it doesn’t say. )HHOHUV7KH(I¿JLHVDQG$XNWLRQD nauseum? Do they think we’re going there are some hilarious images Also in here were interviews with bio on The Homosexuals, and scene to post it on our favorites list on our KHUH ±.HLWK 5RVVRQ 'DQQ\ Antisect, BMX Bandits, Bury reports on New York and North myspace accounts? Are we supposed Martin, 746 E 5th6W7XFVRQ the Living, Drift Age, and Hagar Carolina. I got a couple of questions, to send them free shit? Would they $= the Womb. The editor has a lot of though: 1. Why does columnist be sorely offended to know that most knowledge about the bands and Mykel Board just get to be a racist? people just thumb through them and RISE AND THE FALL OF the time in which they existed, 2. When they send MRR out in the FKXFNWKHPRQWKHÀRRU",¶PQRWjust THE HARBOR AREA, THE so he is able to ask engaging and mail, they only tape the pages shut trying to be a dick; I really want to #8, $2/Free in L.A., 5½” x 8½”, probing questions. They are all on the right side of it. Due to the fact know. Why? – Craven (BB[PP], printed, 57 pgs. pretty informative and interesting. that it’s newsprint, it always arrives 32 %R[  %RFR 5DWRQ )/ Any zine with a cover picture of (The exception being the one with all thrashed. Even the copies that ± ,DQ0DF.D\HFLUFDLVJRLQJWR the dude from Antisect, who was they used to send to the zine library/ catch my attention right away. The boring and pretty much a dumbass. archive I volunteer at received beat– OLD WEIRD AMERICA: Rise and the Fall has not only that but ,WZRXOGKDYHEHHQEHWWHUWR¿QGD up copies. I know they probably POSTCARDS FROM A a lot more. With a very nice layout, band member who had something can’t afford manila envelopes for GHOST TOWN #1, $2, 5½” x this quarterly zine has ads from such to say or to scrap the interview everybody on their mailing list, but 8½”, copied w/ cardstock cover companies as Volcom and GSL but DOWRJHWKHU  ±&UDYHQ /DQFH  isn’t there something they can do? This zine is homage to Detroit, also has other ads and content that (2OWRUI$XVWLQ7; –Craven (Maximumrocknroll, PO told through anecdotes about relates to the scene in San Pedro, %R[6)&$± living there. Detroit is a city that California. It’s really nice to see TRUMAN BENTLEY is often not given proper credit for such a sharp looking zine dedicated NEWSLETTER #?, $1/stamps, NEGATIVE REACTION #6, being one of the most interesting to a local zine, as the normal par for 8½” x 11”, 1 pg. $5, 8½” x 11”, printed, 24 pgs. cities in this country. Two writers the course is to have the local zine Truman! Truman! Are you listening This British fanzine has interviews contribute to this zine and both are be some shitty newsprint rag with to me, buddy? I hope so because I ZLWK 7KH 6NHSWL[ +RO\ 5DFNHW very good. Most are by the editor, horrible layout. Besides the normal have some advice for you. When you and The Fallout. It also has a load 5RVH+HUZULWLQJOHDYHV\RXZLWK reviews of DVDs, albums and the send your work for review, include of reviews of music, books, and that, weird, poignant feeling that like, there are interviews with the some kind of note letting a reviewer zines. Additionally, there is a review you get when you read a great Chuck Dukowski Sextet, Money know what your work is called and RI:DVWHG DIHVWLQ(QJODQG  storyteller. It has a sparseness of Mark, Year Future, a feature on Fer all other relevant details. I came very and a few other rants/columns. description and detail, as if the Youz, comics, local happenings in close to not even wanting to review Nothing too crazy here, but if you’re author knows exactly when you’ve Pedro and all kinds of other stuff. this due to the lack of information on interested in what’s going on in got the picture. She knows when to Obviously more of an interest for what it even is. For the reader of this the punk scene in England and the end a story, not by wrapping it up those around the L.A. area, but the review, what I have are three single occasional scene report from MRR clean and tight and moralistically, full page old pictures of Black Flag, sheets of white paper with print on GRHVQ¶WVXI¿FHWKHQWKLV]LQHPLJKW but instead, simply, when it’s over; Minor Threat, and Fear from the Fer one side. Each piece seems to be GR WKH WULFN IRU \RX ±.XUW 0RUULV often abruptly or open–ended. This Youz feature make this totally worth its own newsletter. I don’t know (Trev Howarth, 20 New Front St., T/ LVPRUHWKDQDSHUVRQDO]LQH5RVH P\ ZKLOH ±.XUW 0RUULV 5LVH DQG what this item is called—I made Lea, Stanley, Co. Durham DH9 9LY, is a true writer. This may be the the Fall of the Harbor Area, PO Box the name up for the review—and England, [email protected] ¿UVWLVVXHRIOWA, but I suspect the 6DQ3HGUR&$ no where on it is the address listed. author has been writing for a while. Thankfully, I still had the envelope NOXIN–ACTION PAPER Hopefully, we’ll get more from her SLUG & LETTUCE #88, $1ppd., it was sent in and gleaned that little MAN #1, $2 or trade, 8½” x 12”, VRRQ ±&UDYHQ 5RVH :KLWH 32 newsprint, 15” x 11”, 12 pgs. bit of info from that. The only thing photocopied, 48 pgs. Box 6598, New York, NY 10150, It’s another issue of Slug & Lettuce that kept me from tossing this thing Okay! Constructive criticism can ROGBZHLUG#\DKRRFRP which you’ve probably already out is that I, too, do a zine and know 105 what it’s like to send something in 5D]RUFDNH DORQJVLGH /LVD IURP WKH bunch more. There were also some RUDQ\PHGLDIRUWKDWPDWWHU WRGXOO for review and have them not even ODWH 5,3  HeartattaCk. It’s very things that I liked, like an engaging the edge or dilute it. It’s something give you a review at all. All of that slick and appears to have a lot of love interview with the always profound you won’t hear anywhere else being said (see what you made me SXW LQWR LW ,Q LVVXH  WKHUH DUH Mike Watt and the one with The and it’s a hell of a ride. –Craven GR 7UXPDQ"  WKH VXEMHFW PDWWHU RI interviews with The Twilight Singer, Freebooters; an Irish oi band wasn’t (Fanorama Society, 109 Arnold these newsletters dealt with painting %HQ :HDVHO 6OHDWHU±.LQQH\ DQG D VR EDG HLWKHU ±&UDYHQ 8)& FR $YH&UDQVWRQ5, (including how to make your bunch more bands, and an article on 7UHYRU 0HHKDQ  5RVWXUUD &UHV RZQ FDQYDV  UHPLQLVFLQJ DERXW Afghanistan with interesting photos. Woodview Pk., Limerick, Ireland, ZINE WORLD #23, $3, 8½” x childhood, and one was a stream of –Craven (Trust, Postfach 11 07 62, WUH\PHHKDQ#KRWPDLOFRP 12”, photocopied, 48 pgs. consciousness that went from talking %UHPHQ*HUPDQ\ :RZ =LQHV DUH DSSDUHQWO\ DOLYH and well! It’s disheartening to read about a car to space to the eastern WIENER SOCIETY #8, zine review sections in Punk Planet bloc European countries. Very UNFIT FOR CONSUMPTION $3 or 8 stamps, 5 ½” x 8 ½”, and Maximum Rock’n’Roll these strange. I’m not sure why anyone #10, $4 ppd., 8 ½” x 12” Xerox, 44 pgs. days, because it seems that they would really want to read this as it This one didn’t really do much for What a read! This zine’s distro get shorter every month. However, seemingly had very little form and me. First of all, this is that whole describes it as “like a Tarantino Zine World proves that there’s still direction. None of it really caught band interviews, columns, record ¿OP VFULSW ZLWK D VRXQGWUDFN E\ plenty out there. There’s tons of my interest and with it being so reviews type of music/punk zine. Morrisey.” Weiner Society is so zines of every sort in here, by every short and random, it made it hard to This type of zine hasn’t been my much better than anything that that type of weirdo. Sweet! So I guess that just proves that the punks are ZDQWWRIROORZDORQJ±.XUW0RUULV thing for a while. Nonetheless, I had hack Hollywood director could slipping. Wingnuts: 1, Punks: 0. (Truman Bentley, 3219 Carden Dr., trouble even respecting it for what it come up with. It’s instead more Get with the program, kids! Zine &ROXPEXV*$± is, because it was just dull. I don’t like something Jean Genet might World is really a great resource. It care if they interview a band whose put out if he was around today and has listings of zine libraries, distros, TRUST #117, #119, members are a bounty hunter, a punk rock. It is a true memoir of DVZHOODVIUHHFODVVL¿HGVIRU]LQH ŝINQUU[RIU =DSDWLVWDDGDUHGHYLODQGDIXFNLQJ a queer prisoner, full of violence, writers. They even go as far as to Trust is written entirely in German. time traveler; if the only thing you regret, fast living, and redemption. SULQW WKH 86 SRVWDO UDWHV RQ WKH back (which will be a year out of So if your lucky enough to be able can come up with to ask them is Hell, the power of this story would date in January, but nonetheless, to read that language, you might TXHVWLRQVOLNH³,V\RXU¿UVW(3VWLOO stand on its own if it was poorly JRRG ORRNLQ¶ RXW  %HVLGHV EHLQJ enjoy this glossy “punk hardcore available” or “Why does your album written, but that’s hardly the case. an on top of everything zine, it underground” zine. Man, this thing is have such a long title?” or “Who’s 1HLO:LHQHU¶V ZULWLQJ LV UHÀHFWLYH gives us news on anything having huge! From what I could gather it has the new bass player?” it’s going to and introspective and sharp. This to do with free speech and gets us interviews with Propagandhi, Pansy be a boring interview. With that said, is exactly why zines are important: up to speed on what’s happening Division, Crime Desire, “GLW/ this zine contains interviews with a marginalized person bringing to independent press folks in New '5.´ ]LQH  (FWRJUDP %ODFN¿UH Thread Pulls, Windings, Betamax you into his world, without the 2UOHDQV±&UDYHQ =LQH:RUOG32 Box 330156, Murfreesboro, as well as, our very own Todd from Format, Pig Destroyer, and a interference of mainstream media 71± HYHU\WKLQJ LQ LWV SDWK %XW LQ WKLV FDVH WKH WDQN ÀDWWHQLQJ HYHU\WKLQJ OLNHFKHDSODZQIXUQLWXUHLVDULGLFXORXVO\KRW¿IWHHQ\HDUROGHSLOHSWLF nympho named Nina West. This is a girl—or devotchka—who’s part Paris Hilton, part Lizzie Borden, part Valerie Solanas, and one big part Blag Dahlia. Needless to say, she’s one of the more interesting and titillating noir anti-heroes to kick down the door in a long time. Nina’s credo seems to be “sex is always good; it is other people that are bad,” and she metes out her icy cold contempt for humanity on everyone from a Catholic priest to a couple of prepubescent Girl Scouts. And in the process, a good GHDORIEORRGDQGVHPHQJHWVVSLOOHG$I¿[ZKDWHYHU'60SV\FKRORJLFDO FODVVL¿FDWLRQV RQ KHU \RX ZDQW²VKH¶V D JLUO ZKRVH DODUPLQJO\ QDWXUDO ability to do what the psychologists call “disassociate” rivals that of the IDPRXVO\LQHSW863UHVLGHQWNQRZQDV*'XE\D+HUJXLOWOHVVJXLOHIXO nihilism affords her the ability to fuck people while simultaneously totally fucking them over. Yep, ol’ Blag spins a tawdry yarn; his Hemingway- like economy with words, combined with what a lit professor might call his “aestheticization of violence,” will illicit obvious comparisons to Jim Thompson. And I can think of plenty worse people to be compared to. This book has a little something for everyone, depending on your perspective: a brazen teenage hussy for the pedophiles or a vamped-up Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill-style heroine for the young girls to look up to. Whether this book ZRXOGEHFRQVLGHUHGQRLU¿FWLRQRUWDEORLGUDXQFKRU³DUWEUXW´GRHVQ¶W really matter. It’s a helluva entertaining read and a gob of hot spit in your %$)$&GECFGUQH)TCHſVK H\H±$SKLG3HHZLW ZZZVFDSHJRDWSXEOLVKLQJFRP By Christopher D. Salyers and John Putnam, 64 pgs. For anyone who ever had the pleasure of checking out the now-gone 5OCNN6QYP2WPM CBGB down on the Bowery in NYC, this book will surely stir some By John Sheppard, 184 pgs. memories. It’s not a historical book in the literal sense, telling the tale of +ŏOCDKVEQPƀKEVGFQPVJKU2TQU+VŏUCDQWVDGKPICVGGPCIGRWPMKPUQOG the place in chronological order, but more of a photographic collection middle of nowhere suburb (I can relate), it takes place in Florida (I’m of how the club ended up looking on the inside after weathering thirty- QHſEKCNN[ őFQYPŒ YKVJ (NQTKFC  CPF VJGTGŏU C DWPEJ QH XCTKQWU DCPF plus years of rock and roll. There’s no late-‘70s black and white photos music references (hell, they name drop Roach Motel). Cons: The story of bands like Television, Ramones, Blondie, or the Dead Boys getting ets a little hard to keep track of at times, and the main character Buzz’s their start here, but pages of how the actual walls in all the rooms of this “punkness” mainly consists of mentioning he bought a Dicks record, +LWUVJQRGVJCVKVFQGUPŏVKPXQNXGDKIRNCUVKEUQWXGPKT OCTICTKVCINCUUGUKPVJGUJCRGQH,QG[4COQPGŏUJGCF

dive looked less than a year before it was closed down for good. Music taking lots of pills (which I can’t relate), and complaining all the time DWHHUCPFJKUVQTKCPUCNKMGYKNNNQXGURGPFKPIVKOGƀKRRKPIVJTQWIJVJKU (okay, I can relate). I can relate to being a teenager in a boring town, but DQQMIC\KPIWRQPNC[GTUCPFNC[GTUQHUVKEMGTUCPFITCHſVKHTQOQXGTVJG you can only take so much “I hate this stupid place” (probably one of years, almost like an archeological site that’s roped off and about to be the reasons I was a boring teenager). It’s got its moments, but ultimately excavated. Richard Hell’s intro here is a nice touch, as well, and this book comes out more like SLC Punk than Repo Man. I just wish there were more is a great read for anyone who’s even slightly interested what CB’s was punk stories that didn’t focus on nihilism. –Joe Evans III (Ig Publishing, about but never had the opportunity to see it in person. Unfortunately, 178 Clinton Ave., Brooklyn, NY 11205) word is that Hilly Krystal (the guy responsible for running this late-‘70s East Coast holy Mecca of punk rock) is stripping anything and everything 5Q6JKU+U4GCFKP! out of this place to relocate it to some kind of attraction in Las Vegas. By Tripp Underwood, 6x audio CD What’s he gonna do? Turn that infamous, foul toilet from the bathroom I know who The Unseen are and I have three of their albums. Even so, in the basement into a jet-streamed, water-show/fountain to throw coins when I got this audio CD to review, I was unsure how into it I’d be. The in? I say save your coins and pick up this book for yourself or loved one. I premise? The bassist, Tripp, wrote a book about his experiences in The just hope that whatever Hilly decides to do, it doesn’t involve big, plastic Unseen. Alongside the paperback version of his story, Hopeless opted to souvenir margarita glasses in the shape of Joey Ramone’s head. I mean, have the author record a four-disc audio version, and this is what I held Jesus Christ, the Lower East Side has really been going to hell lately in my hands. Assuming I’d listen to a bit of it and bore quickly, I popped with the “cleaning up and resurfacing” of the neighborhood and all. How VJGſTUV%&KP+PUVCPVN[VJGUVQT[ITKRRGFOG6TKRRUVCTVUHTQOVJGXGT[ many more coffee shops do the NYU buttholes really need? This book is humble formation in his parents’ garage back in high school, and spins a a nice sliver to remember how good some things in that area really were. tale of luck, failures, successes (small and large) and all out havoc, chaos, –Designated Dale (Mark Batty Publisher, 36 W 37th St. Penthouse, New and fun. Not a squeaky clean recording, but once you’re immersed in the York, NY 10018) story that no longer matters, only the stories do. When the band gets paid, QTſPKUJGURWVVKPIFQYPVTCEMUHQTCPGYCNDWOQTOGGVU/KEM,QPGUKP 0KPC a London McDonald’s, or drink beers with Japanese punks in the ruins By Blag Dahlia, 111 pgs. of a building in Nagasaki, you are in awe of their experiences. When the Ever wonder what sort of thoughts rattle around inside the head of the self- band nearly cracks from the stresses of being away from home so much, proclaimed “Best Looking Man in Show Business”? Of course, all fans of or nearly get arrested by a baseball bat-wielding freak or when their vans the Dwarves know the sort of bloodied midget-sized thoughts that rush out break down mid-tour, you can’t help but feel their grief. The rare Unseen of Blag Dahlia’s head to take form as lyrics in minute-and-a-half coked-up songs in between a few of the chapters were pretty darn cool, too. I love punk blasts, but what if those thoughts were given room to expand beyond audio books, and this was no exception. If you’ve ever been in a band, the conventional restrictions of the lyrical format and were allowed to any band, whether you hit it as big as The Unseen have or not, this story diddle themselves in public? What would we have then? In the case of YKNNFGſPKVGN[DGQHKPVGTGUVVQ[QWŌ/T< *QRGNGUU21$QZ8CP this lean and agitating novella—Blag’s second published book—you wind 0W[U%# up with a sensation somewhat like watching helicopter footage of some sociopath in a stolen army tank, rolling along city streets and squashing 108

puts things out at such wide intervals and is so busy doing his J.D. Salinger/Invisible Man routine, that he has become all but forgotten WKRXJKKLVQHZERRNFRXOGUHYHUVHDOOWKDW«WHPSRUDULO\ :HGRQ¶W even have any Truman Capotes anymore. Basically, we’re stuck with SHRSOHOLNH3KLOLS5RWKDQG-RKQ8SGLNHWKHQHDWO\SOHDWHGMRFNH\V of the writing world whose passions and talents would be equally well XWLOL]HGLQ¿HOGVVXFKDVDFFRXQWLQJRUFRS\ZULWLQJ,¶PWRWKHSRLQW where I’d welcome something along the lines of the stilted, buttoned- up academia/arcania of T. S. Eliot or Ezra Pound again. But what do I know? I’m probably speaking out of turn here; after the dull wave of Tama Janowitzes and Bret Easton Ellises washed out somewhere in the ‘90s, I stopped paying attention. So it is none too amazing that I would relish a DVD like The Charles Bukowski Tapes. This is a two-disc set of short videotaped vignettes capturing a well-waxed Bukowski waxing philosophic on everything from James Thurber and the other writers he admires (“Good tough boys… they stay close to WKH(DUWK´ WRWU\LQJWR¿JXUHRXWZK\WKHZRPHQLQKLVOLIHDUHDOZD\V trying to change him. He even takes you on little guided tours of L.A. and the house where he grew up—and, in particular, the bathroom where he “took all his beatings.” As any good tippler knows, most of the drunken pearls of wisdom that slide out from between slurry lips Beer: The Movie: DVD get lost to the mulching lawnmower known as the common hangover. I stand to sound old and humorless right now. But that is an inherent The mulch of memories all gets swallowed up by the bugs and the dirt danger anytime one decides to give critical analyses to the merits of of the mind. And that is, like the universe itself, a beautiful thing that something claiming to the world to be “humor.” So, despite the very real constantly dies back into itself to be reborn as something else. But it’s possibility of coming off as a clueless cluck, I have to say that Beer: The also fun to sometimes cheat the system and run off with some prize Movie didn’t make me laugh very much. Or even laff very much. I think you’ve just shoplifted from under the security laser beams of “the I like low-brow humor even more than the next guy, but this just struck system.” This DVD is just such a thing: golden, intimate moments me as a bunch of college age dudes who cut their clown teeth on too with a modern day drunken immortal that would have otherwise been #DNQQFEWTFNKPIDNGPFQHUWICTEJCTIGFRWPM CPFFC[ECTGEGPVGTOGNVFQYPU#PFVJGUGCTG VJGVJKPIUQHYJKEJVTGCUWTGUCTGOCFG much Tom Green and Jackass growing up. In other words, throughout lost to the mists of time. Old fans and newcomers alike: go get a bottle the movie, I sensed that these guys, more than anything, like doing of booze or a case of beer and watch the Bukowski Tapes. You will be “zany” things to be the center of attention. And like the talk show host in very good company. –Aphid Peewit (Barrel Entertainment, PO Box who’s in the business because “he likes the sound of his own voice,” I 'HWURLW0, get the impression that these madcaps just like the sound of themselves Dwarves: FEFU, The DVD: DVD laughing at their own jokes. Because I have a hard time believing anyone else out there is laughing at this stuff. But what do I know? I’m old and Included here are a couple of takes of a video of a song from The Dwarves humorless and not starved for attention. I’m just plain out of step with the Must Die album: one a “clean” version and another not so clean. As can WLPHV$QGWKDW¶V¿QHEHFDXVHZLWKWKHEORJRVSKHUHDQGWKH0\6SDFHV be expected of a Dwarves release, blood and nekkidness abound here, and the YouTubes and camera phones and everyone scurrying like rats the latter courtesy of assorted Suicide Girls, with more of both on view to feed on the rancid peanut butter of human attention, that just leaves GXULQJWKH³PDNLQJRI´GRFXPHQWDU\7KHUH¶VDOVRDVKRUW¿OPWKDWZDV that much more beautiful anonymity for me. And so now here’s the kinda dull, and assorted live footage from most stages of the band’s career. painfully obvious, but somehow appropriate, clunker of a closing line: 0RVWRIWKHOLYHVWXIIDSSHDUVWRFRPHIURPIDQV¿OPLQJZLWKFDPFRUGHUV LIWKLVPRYLHLVEHHULW¶VIXFNLQJVNXQN\±$SKLG3HHZLW 8QLW6KLIWHU from the audience, which means the sound quality is dubious at best. On )LOPV*ULI¿WK3DUN%OYG/$&$ the whole, this could’ve been better, and it could’ve been worse. –Jimmy $OYDUDGR *UHHG\32%R[6)&$ Charles Bukowski Tapes, The: DVD Li Po, the maverick poet of Tang dynasty China, was known for his Gonerfest 2: Electric Goneroo:&8&CPF%& clear lyrical brilliance with words as well as his dark fondness for Nothing will heal the pain of missing this rad event but this helps. A H[FHVVLYHGULQNLQJDQGKLVÀLSSDQWGLVUHJDUGIRUWKHSULPHWLTXHWWHRI great deal: a CD with a live song from every band that played and a the day. It is said that he would explain away his scabrous, inebriated bitchin’ DVD of almost every band that played. Despite being live behavior by unapologetically stating that “wine makes its own rules.” footage, this is solid quality, both on the CD (I can hear what they’re So true, so true. Charles Bukowski, the maverick poet of late 20th VLQJLQJ  DQG WKH '9' , FDQ VHH HYHU\WKLQJ  (VSHFLDOO\ ELWFKLQ¶ century Los Angeles, was, like Li Po, a “drunken immortal” who EHFDXVH LW¶V IDYRULWHV 3HUVXDGHUV 7RN\R (OHFWURQ )LQDO 6ROXWLRQV  oftentimes seemed to let the mingling of his neurons and alcohol make ZLWKQHZNLGVRQWKHEORFN $QJU\$QJOHV&DUERQDV5DW7UDSV DQGD the rules. And for this he was equally lionized and despised. But thank ton of outta-towners that showed up. This is what rock and roll is about: god for Bukowski and thank god for whatever alcoholic libation that, SOD\LQJRQWKHÀRRUZLWKWKHFURZG$QGLIWKHUH¶VDVWDJHWKHQHYHU\RQH on any given day, he might have poured into his gnarled beerhole is welcome to jump off it. Overall, this is on the dirt lot, grimy gutter because it created one of the most liberated, pretension-stripped end of rock, but that doesn’t mean girls aren’t allowed to play along. fountains of prose and poems to erupt in the American literary scene (VSHFLDOO\DVRQHZLSHVRIIWKH5HDWDUGV¶EORRGDWWKHHQGRIWKHVKRZ in a god awful long time. And since Hunter Thompson picked up a ±6SHHGZD\5DQG\ *RQHUJRQHUUHFRUGVFRP gun a couple years ago and blew open his head like a can of baked beans, there really have been no more desperados roaming the literary Outl4w: It’s Only Rock’n;roll: DVD landscape. At least none that I’m aware of. Vonnegut has quieted Don’t look now, but I think that maybe the little squirts from Old Skull down and seems to just want to be left alone to die and Pynchon are, like Britney Spears, all grown up now with little ones of their own;

111 little ones, in this case, that have their own squirty little punk band called as I can remember: I don’t like seeing kids pretending to be adults. I “Outl4w.” For those of you too short-in-the-tooth to know or those of you didn’t like it when I was a kid and I don’t like it now that I’m an adult too old and brain-wiped to remember, Old Skull was a band of pre-pubic VXIIHULQJ IURP 3HWHU 3DQ 6\QGURPH .LGV VKRXOG MXVW VWLFN WR EHLQJ haired runts with little league mohawks that showed up in the late ‘80s NLGVDQGGRLQJNLGNLQGVRIWKLQJV.LGVSUHWHQGLQJWREHDGXOWVDQG and caught the attention of the Entertainment Tonights of the world with pretending to have adult interests are just creepy. Look at JonBenét. ERRJHU\OLWWOHVRQLFUDQWVDERXW+RW'RJ+HOOVDQG5RQDOG5HDJDQ6QDUO Even if I didn’t know anything about her gruesome demise, I would still and shriek as they might, they ended up just too darling to be anything ¿QGWKHSLFWXUHVRIKHUDOOGROOHGXSOLNH7DPP\)D\H%DNHUGLVWXUELQJ PRUHWKDQDQRYHOW\DFWDORQJWKHOLQHVRID/LWWOH5DVFDOVW\SHSXQNURFN And it’s not just another one of my bouts with synesthesia kicking in band. (Though if they’re at all like the archetypal “child stars” that we’ve when I say that those beauty pageant photos of her have an unholy all grown accustomed to seeing crash and burn in early adulthood, they stench wafting off of them. It’s the palpable stench of a crippled up and PLJKWMXVWPDNHUHDOKRQHVWWRJRRGQHVVSXQNURFNIXFNXSVQRZ %H desperate adult—aka: Stage Mom or Stage Dad—forcing and directing that as it may, I still strongly recommend all serious punk connoisseurs things behind the scenes. And I strongly suspect that there is an over- rush out and track down a copy of Old Skull’s Get Outta School CD; it is enthusiastic Stage Dad behind Outl4w. But not only that; just what do a blood-curdling blend of sugar-charged punk and daycare center melt- these pee-wees have to be angry about? Chintzy allowance? Bicycle GRZQVDQG\RXZRXOGEHKDUGSUHVVHGWR¿QGDFROOHFWLRQRIUHFRUGHG FKDLQV WKDW NHHS IDOOLQJ RII" 0RP ERXJKW WKH ZURQJ ÀDYRU RI 3RS music more straight-up annoying. And these are the things of which 7DUWV"/LQJHULQJEHGZHWWLQJSUREOHPV".LGVKDYHWKLQJVWREHSLVVHG WUHDVXUHVDUHPDGH%XW,GLJUHVVVRPHZKDW7KHZD\,¿JXUHLWLIWKH RIIDERXWEXWWRUHDOO\WDSLQWRWKHZKLWHKRWÀDPHWKDWIXHOVWUXHSXQN Old Skull youngsters were maybe ten at the time of their brief ascent into rock anger you really need to have been fully immersed over and over the public eye back in the late ‘80s, they are certainly old enough now to LQ WKH G\VHQWHU\¿OOHG GXQN WDQN RI VRFDOOHG DGXOW OLIH7KDW¶V ZKHQ have sired their own little litter of mohawked tikes and it’s possible that you really feel the lampreys of frustration sucking the lifeblood out of those little tikes started a band called “Outl4w.” Just like their pappies you, day in a day out, and that’s when a good, frothing rage begins to did when they were youths. The only thing that makes me somewhat build. And things like good, angry punk rock start to happen. But, to question this sterling theory of mine, is that I think I remember the Old be fair, I have to admit that these kids haven’t totally been spending Skull kids being from Wisconsin, whereas the Outl4w kids seem to be their childhood eating Play-Doh and pushing peas up their noses. They British. Whatever, people have been known to move about the planet, seem to have acquired some familiarity with their punk rock forebears even if they’re washed-up ex-childhood punk rock stars like Old Skull and their versions of songs by Sham 69, 999, and the Briefs are spirited and god knows it’s the bottom feeders that seem to be the ones that breed and seemingly heartfelt. And I can respect that. These whippersnappers the most. But this is supposed to be a review of the new Outl4w DVD are probably going to be a kick-ass band someday. So as kiddie bands DQGQRWDKDOIZLWWHGWUDFWRQHXJHQLFV 7KRXJKLWGH¿QLWHO\VHHPVWR go, this isn’t bad. Not at all. But I’m “old school” enough that I want to KDYHDVWURQJ³DJHLVP´YLHZ 6RKHUHDVRYHUVLPSOL¿HGDVSRVVLEOHLV see them get their little hearts broken a few times and get fucked over my beef with Outl4w: their tunes are much more “tuneful” than a band by the system again and again before I stop stealing their lunch money like Old Skull and they are nowhere near as exasperatingly annoying. I and shoving their little heads into their own locker doors. Plus, if I’m know that probably sounds like a good thing and in some ways it is. But going to air out all my complaints, I don’t like the “4” in the spelling that all makes it harder to embrace them as cultural detritus; it makes of their band name. It reminds me of another loathsome runt named it seem sort of like they’re supposed to be taken seriously. And to be “Prince.” –Aphid Peewit (Inl4w Wreckords, PO Box 30, Lytham honest, I have a hard time doing that. It’s a hang-up I’ve had for as long 6W$QQHV)<5/8.