So Very Unsexy shove—but any more rules than that, and it’s only a matter of time that I thought of this in Gainesville, Florida at The Fest. I was in your brushstrokes of good intentions have you painted into a corner. ZRQGHU 1R ¿JKWV 1R EXOOVKLW *UHDW SHRSOH *UHDW PXVLF $Q Here’s the connection: Too often, the folks who have the most expertly planned, large event. How’d this happen? “expert without actually doing it” advice are the ones who want more I’m not deaf, but I do admit that ninety-eight percent of the time rules enforced because they don’t feel in control of the situation; ZKHQ,KHDU³+H\GXGH\RXVKRXOGBBBBBBBBB ¿OOLQWKHEODQN hell, they may even have the best of intentions. But, ultimately, they with the zine. That’d totally keep it from suckin’,” I’m no longer want to steer from the back seat—yank the wheel—want to have paying attention. I’m picturing this really cute, fuzzy otter and he’s equal time without equal effort. They have the opportunity to walk ÀRDWLQJRQKLVEDFNWU\LQJWRFUDFNRSHQWKLVFODPZLWKDURFN0DQ away from a car you built if they wreck it. ,ORYHWKDWRWWHUJHWWLQJDOO'DUZLQRQWKHVKHOO¿VKORXQJLQJLQWKH ,¶OOOHW\RXLQRQDFRXSOHRIVHFUHWV 5D]RUFDNH¶VQRWEOLQGO\ ocean, being all cute, calm, and concentrated. And by the time the groping along, bumping into things, and somehow a zine ploops out person’s done telling me what I should do—without them offering of heinies every two months. It’s a lot of very tedious, constant work to take up the task they’re suggesting—that little otter’s opened WKDWLVVRYHU\XQVH[\WKDWLW¶VERULQJWRHYHQEULHÀ\PHQWLRQZKDW up that shell; he smiles as he eats. If the person’s still telling me it takes to coordinate a hundred talented people to make this zine. from the bleachers how to run something they’ve never been able How about this? We do by doing, not merely talking about it. Ideas? to successfully pull off, that otter gets his own biplane and makes We have plenty of ‘em. We just don’t need to hammer any skulls to friends with a monkey. They both wear their underpants on their get the point across and you don’t have to be in a secret club to join. KHDGV+LMLQ[0DQWKDW¶VSUHWW\JUHDWVWXII ^7KDQNVIRUSLFNLQJXSWKLVLVVXH` :HGRQ¶WKDYHPXFKPRQH\ So, yeah, I’m pretty tired of “Hey, you should”s; equally so Scarcely any. Since we can’t throw money at most of our problems, of rule-givers. I’m not saying let’s get all nihilistic, go screw your we have to be crafty and throw ourselves at those problems. And that EHVWIULHQG¶VVLJQL¿FDQWRWKHUUXQVWRSVLJQVVKRRWKHURLQLQ\RXU takes up most of our time. {If you can program in PHP, please drop eyeball, and kill puppies. I’m just saying that rules are like bunnies: PHDOLQH` 7KLVRQH¶VWKHPRVWLPSRUWDQW,¶OOOLVWHQWRDQ\RQH you can’t just have more than a couple without some of them fucking who I respect; who I know is slugging it out and giving me advice around and multiplying. borne of hard work and deep thought. These people are our allies. I have one rule that’s my guiding principle: in every situation, These are the people who are building a foundation, not merely try your best not to be an asshole. It’s as simple as that. I know, I UXQQLQJE\DQGGRLQJVORSS\JUDI¿WL$QGLW¶VWKHVHSHRSOHZKRPDNH know, sometimes it’s real hard—some people are begging for a good me stop dreaming about otters and listen. –Todd AD DEADLINES AD SIZES THANK YOU: Drunk, polka-dotted cat thanks to Brad Beshaw for • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. the cover; They don't like it when we police the "police" thanks ISSUE #37 • 1/2 pg: 7.5” wide, 5” tall. to Megan C. Brooks for her picture in Liz's column; Yup. That's February 1st, 2007 • 1/4 pg:, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. a real picture of a "I've never planned to bomb the U.S." form ISSUE #38 • 1/6 page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. in Jim's column thanks to Kris Tripplaar; The end of the alley April 1st, 2007 • Please make all checks out to looks like a scary monster's mouth thanks to Ryan Gelatin for his Razorcake. illustration in Gary's column; Johany, Tommy, Wvvorrobb thanks Email [email protected] • We only accept electronic ads. to Albert Lam for his illustration in Amy's column; Just like in The for rates and full details. • All ads are black and white. Big Lebowski–something important's happening in front of a tall • We don’t reserve ad space. Our ad rates are super duper. rack of bowling shoes–thanks to Dan Eggert for his photo in the Cover drawn and designed by Brad Beshaw: [email protected] Rhythm Chicken's column; How'd "Hollywood" get spelled on the toilet paper? thanks to Rafael Avila for his illustration in Dale's “That which makes no sense makes the most sense." column; Female Joey Ramone thanks to Mitch Clem for his illus- –Philip K. Dick, Valis tration in Nardwuar's column (and here's to wishing that there This issue is dedicated to: Mike Webber, singer of the Nip Drivers, and James Brown (RIP) was a drive thru called "Fried Shit"); Octopusal new wave glasses thanks to Travis T. coming through in the clutch with Norb's illustration; Clouds of the Midwest thanks to Uri G. for laying out Contact Razorcake via our constantly updated website: www.razorcake.org PDA,J1KQNEJC KIBKNP=>HU=NPE?HAĢ#HELŃKLO@QNEJCD=PSEPDŃ=LO season thanks to C.T. Terry for the self-same article; From the balcony and under the armpits thanks to Sean Koepenick for his Street Dogs interview, Lindsay Hutchens and Sean K. for their Sophia Stranglehold: photos; Keith, I see the dogs, but I don't see any streets, thanks for laying out and illustrating the Street Dogs interview; Amy Adoyzie is so totally in China with a janky interweb connection and she's She ain’t big, still kickin' mega ass thanks for laying out both the Off With Their she ain’t a boy, Heads and Pointed Sticks interviews; Most likely got spittle on their lenses thanks to Shanty Cheryl and Madeline Claire for their but she dances to the OWTH photos; Time in the penalty box thanks to Allan MacInnis Big Boys. (yup, the hockey player) for his Pointed Sticks interview; The ever-gracious Bev Davies for her archival PS shots; Is that Jim Kaa's brother? thanks to Julia Smut for the Entropy layout and Biscuit would photos; Feel free to call the following "brainless jerkeses" if they be proud! NAREASA@UKQNI=PANE=HEJ=I=JJANUKQłJ@QJB=RKN=>HAġ'=OKJ Donnerparty, Ryan Leach, Lord Kveldulfr, Mike Frame, Kurt Morris, Mr. Z., Speedway Randy, Jennifer Whiteford, Keith Rosson, Joe Evans III, Josh Benke, Aphid Peewit, Sean Koepenick, Susan Chung, Donofanewera, Jimmy Alvarado, and Craven Rock; These LAKLHA SEOD & HERA@ KJ PDA łNOP ŃKKN >A?=QOA PDAU HQCCA@ PDA issues upstairs and processed them, and I thank 'em for it: Mor Fleisher, Ryan Leach, Stacy Smilanick, and Donofthedickies. Issue #36 February / March 2007 PO Box 42129 Los Angeles, CA 90042 www.razorcake.org WE DO OUR PART Okay, so last cover, we totally flubbed the spelling of the most literate band we've ever covered: Bloodhag, with a "D." Bloohag are scurrilous poseur choads. Bloodhag rocks. COLUMNS 36 42 4 Liz O. Guerrilla My Dreams 8 Jim Ruland Lazy Mick 10 Gary Hornberger Squeeze My Horn 48 56 12 Amy Adoyzie Monster of Fun 17 Ben Snakepit Snakepit 18 The Rhythm Chicken The Dinghole Reports 22 Designated Dale I’m Against It 25 Kiyoshi Nakazawa Won Ton Not Now 26 Nardwuar The Human Serviette Who Are You? 29 Art Fuentes Chico Simio 30 Sean Carswell A Monkey to Ride the Dog 33 Dan Monick's Photo Page 34 Rev. Nørb Love, Nørb INTERVIEWS 62 72 36 On Touring Comfortably by C.T. Terry 42 Street Dogs by Sean Koepenick 48 Diane Gamboa by Jenny Moncayo 56 Off With Their Heads by Megan Pants 62 Pointed Sticks by Allan MacInnis 72 Entropy by Julia Smut FAVORITESANDREVIEWS 76 Top 5s I'm Gay for Tampa Jay.... 78 Record I’m taking bets as to how few of these are gonna be sold. I say seven, tops... 106 Zine I would have found the bad writing to be much more tolerable if I hadn’t of practically gone blind trying to read it... 111 DVD "Wine makes its own rules.” So true, so true... Individual opinions expressed within are not necessarily those of Razorcake/Gorsky Press, Inc. Razorcake/ Gorsky, Inc. Board of Directors are: Todd Taylor, Sean Carswell, Dan Clarke, Katy Spining, Leo Emil Tober III This issue of Razorcake and www.razorcake.org were put together by: Todd Taylor, Megan Pants, Sean Carswell, Jenny Moncayo, Daryl Gussin, Skinny Dan, Chris Baxter, Amy Adoyzie, Keith Rosson, Juila Smut, Chris Devlin, Lord Kveldulfr, Ph.D., Joe Evans III, Uri Garcia, Adrian Salas, and Hannah Cox. Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the U.S. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the U.S. and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake via Prison Lit.