News.

1 WHO WE ARE NEWS The Other Press has been Douglas College’s student from local and national advertising revenue. The Other newspaper since 1976. Since 1978 we have been an Press is a member of the Canadian University Press autonomous publication, independent of the student (CUP), a syndicate of student newspapers that includes union. We are a registered society under the Society Act papers from all across Canada. of British Columbia, governed by an eight-person board The Other Press reserves the right to choose what we of directors appointed by and from our staff. Our head will publish, and we will not publish material that College career fair: a dose of reality and a pinch office is located in the New Westminster campus. is hateful, obscene, or condones or promotes illegal The Other Press is published weekly during the fall activities. Submissions may be edited for clarity and of optimism and winter semesters, and monthly during the summer. brevity if necessary. All images used are copyright to Eric Wilkins, pg. 05 We receive our funding from a student levy collected their respective owners. through tutition fees every semester at registration, and ARTS Student Newspaper of Douglas College PUBLISHED SINCE 1976 Room 1020 – 700 New Westminster, BC Douglas College V3L 5B2 Royal Avenue TELEPHONE: 604.525.3542 Goodnight Desdemona (Good Morning Juliet) EDITOR IN CHIEF SPORTS EDITOR is a triumph Cody Klyne Josh Martin Angela Espinoza, pg. 06 [email protected] [email protected]

ASSISTANT EDITOR HUMOUR EDITOR LIFE&STYLE Sharon Miki Liam Britten [email protected] [email protected]

BUSINESS MANAGER STAFF WRITERS Angela Szczur Allie Davison [email protected] David Hollinshead A healthy relationship and a good night’s sleep vs. Eric Wilkins the unexpected Snorlax PUBLIC RELATIONS MANAGER Allie Davison, pg. 12 Stephanie Trembath LAYOUT MANAGER [email protected] Brian Yoo DISTRIBUTION MANAGER [email protected] FEATURE

Chris Paik GRAPHICS [email protected] Timothy Arndt NEWS EDITOR [email protected]

Dylan Hackett ILLUSTRATOR One year later: reflections on the quakes that shook [email protected] Oliver McTavish Wisden Japan to its foundation ARTS EDITOR [email protected] Bryce Tarling pg. 13 Angela Espinoza [email protected] CONTRIBUTORS Bryce Tarling LIFE & STYLE EDITOR OPINIONS Joel MacKenzie Laurel Borrowman [email protected] Keating Smith Livia Turnbull OPINIONS EDITOR Naomi Ambrose Jacey Gibb Stephanie Wereley The highs and lows of Okonomi Sushi at Columbia [email protected] SkyTrain station Jacey Gibb, pg. 14

Anyone can get published in The Other Press! Just email your story to the appropriate section editor from the list on the right. Please send SPORTS your file as an MS Word .doc file. The weekly deadline for submissions to section editors is Thursday by 12:00 a.m. for publication the following Monday. Time- sensitive articles (weekend news, sports, and cultural reviews) will be accepted until Saturday Colts bid adieu to Peyton Manning at noon and can be submitted to the editor at NEWS SUBMISSIONS David Hollinshead, pg. 19 [email protected]. All submissions will be [email protected] edited for clarity and style. ARTS SUBMISSIONS The Other Press will pay $50.00 to any [email protected] contributor who writes, and successfully has LIFE&STYLE HUMOUR published, a feature article of at least 1,200 [email protected] words. Also, The Other Press will pay $50.00 OPINIONS SUBMISSIONS for every five issues a contributor is published in on a per semester basis. [email protected] The Other Press holds weekly staff SPORTS SUBMISSIONS meetings at 6:00pm on Mondays in room [email protected] 1020 at Douglas College’s New Westminster FEATURE ARTICLES Sleeping disorder the key to MP Rob Anders’ success campus. All interested students are welcome! [email protected] Liam Britten, pg. 20 2 LETTITOR.

The complete picture “Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.” - Woody Allen

Sitting at my desk last week, procrastinating doing work as I do, I stumbled across a video—and subsequent campaign—that I’m sure everyone has at least read about, heard of, or seen over the last week: KONY 2012. A 30-minute “documentary” produced by the non- profit Invisible Children, KONY 2012 seeks to bring a warlord, Joseph Kony, to justice by making him “famous.” At 74 million views at the time of this writing, I’d say that, at least on the account of being YouTube famous, the campaign has already proven a success.

I’m being painfully honest when I say that I wasn’t aware of the depth of the atrocities Kony is associated with: rape, murder, looting, and abduction; all brutal, all more than likely true and worse. Over the course of the video I found myself getting sentimental and taken away by the scenes described, depicted, and shown. From the emaciated children, to the narrator’s son calling out the bad guy: a pathos powder keg. As a flesh-and-blood human with a heart in my chest, sitting in my leather desk chair, sipping on a cheap drip coffee brewed from the comfort of my own home, I think I experienced the same guttural response many of you out there felt (and were expected to feel): guilt, accompanied by the desire to take action. Given time to decompress and wipe the would-be tear from my eye, I—along with millions of others—took to questioning the facts; to questioning the presentation; to questioning the motive of both Kony and Invisible Children.

In the days that followed the video’s release, Invisible Children was quickly under fire for misrepresenting the situation and manipulating the facts. People who’d once shared the video on Facebook proclaiming “Omg, please share this. Help the Ugandans!” began sheepishly back-peddling as though the politics surrounding Invisible Children utterly undermined the positive message of the video (suspect or not). As time goes on and more information becomes available, as more skeletons are dug out of the closet and brought into the light, it will be interesting to see the ultimate impact that the campaign and video will have. With so much information available to us at the touch of a button (or two) it’s important to remain curious and open to discussion. Long since past are the days of accepting something at face value as fact—ignorance is not an excuse (words I hope to keep in mind myself).

Form your own opinions, guard your objectivity, and piece together the complete picture before—for example—donating to a cause or raising your voice in support. Speaking of the “complete picture” this week sees, for the first time in a long while, a handful of unique illustrations thanks to The Other Press’ new illustrator, Oliver McTavish-Wisden. Along with this exciting addition, this week saw contributions that run the gamut. From campus happenings—coverage of last week’s career fair and “DO” celebration events—to the return of Vancouver’s soccer club that could (The Whitecaps), there’s a little something for everyone.

That’s it for me though! So, from my circular plot of page three real-estate: happy trails and have a great week.

Later days,

Cody Klyne Editor in chief The Other Press

3 News.

Douglas College Belize Field Douglas celebrates new logo School 2012: May 7 to June 25 Administration encourages students to ‘DO’

e are still looking for people America, Mayan archaeology and who want to do 9 credits sustainable development. These of university transfer themes are the focus of the courses coursesW in 8 weeks (May 1 to June offered: 24). Four of these weeks will be in the beautiful Caribbean country of Belize. Geography 1190 Geography of Latin This program is open to all British America (human, environmental) Columbian post-secondary students. Sociology 1155 Social Issues This is a study and adventure (sustainable development, social opportunity of a lifetime. Every issues) student who has done this trip in Anthropology 150 Mayan the past two years has raved about Prehistory (offered by Galen it. Belize is a beautiful country, rich University, Belize) in culture, history and geography. We have great accommodations, *All courses are university transferable. food and excursions. You will not be disappointed. The Cost: Unbelizeable value! Belize offers so much for students Here’s a breakdown of total costs academically, adventure-wise and (excluding airfare, tuition, textbooks, By Dylan Hackett, News Editor This information, filtered and personally. You won’t belize it! weekday lunches, weekend meals condensed, went into a survey Firstly, it’s an academic and your own personal spending ouglas College students completed by more than 1,000 adventure of that will engage your amount). and administration current students. That led to mind, body and spirit. Our first welcomed the college’s preliminary creative work, which two weeks in Belize will be spent Program Fee: $3000.00 newD logo with a post-it tagging was tested in another survey exploring the geographic landscapes of the large “DO” letters with current and prospective of the country. Adventures include This covers: Belize accommodations framing the concourse of New post-secondary students across pyramid climbing, jungle camping, for 5 weeks, weekday breakfasts Westminster campus last Tuesday the Lower Mainland.” cave exploration, and four days on a and dinners, Galen University and at David Lam campus on last Douglas also recently tropical Caribbean island surrounded course tuition, all entrance fees Thursday. expanded its advertising by coral reefs. for excursions, all course related Students lining up around campaign in the Lower Mainland Secondly, students will come transportation in Belize, Belize the New West concourse’s onto primetime television with face to face with people and places, student visa permit, travel medical fishbowl were enticed to post a 30-second commercial which past and present, associated with insurance a message pertaining to the explores the idea of “what’s in a Maya civilization. This is an unique ambiguous, goal-oriented name.” opportunity to discover the true *There are quite a number of $1000 and command of “DO,” representing “What’s in a name?” the male Mayan of December 2012. $500 international studies scholarships the top strata of the new Douglas voice of the commercial ponders, Thirdly, Belize is the the jewel of available to help offset the costs of the College logo, now seen at the “well, that depends. What if the Caribbean. Students will engage trip. You can also use student loans. corner of the New Westminster more important than what you with the patchwork of cultures campus as an illuminated sign. say is what you do? What if what comprising the multicultural mosaic For more information check out Douglas also recently plated new you do puts people right at the of modern Belize. our website: www.douglas.bc.ca/ metal lettering at the three main centre? Creating a place of ideas services/international-education/ campus entranceways. and dialogue to help people The Program The Marketing and discover what they love to do. The Belize Field School focuses on studentplanet/study-abroad/field- Communications office, the Maybe then, you’d have a name the study of the landscapes of Latin schools/Belize.html faculty responsible for the like this.” rebranding, describes the logo Members of the with the following: administration—including “Our brand is people’s Douglas College President, Scott overall sense of the experience McAlpine—were present at the of being at Douglas. It lives event, handing out goodie-bags in the hearts and minds of to participating students. students, prospective students, Regarding the new logo, on alumni, faculty, staff, and his blog, McAlpine said, “I like others. It’s continuously the new material and so far the created and supported by the feedback I’m hearing is positive. skilled, passionate teachers The approach is sophisticated, in our classrooms, and by the compelling, and smart. It reflects knowledgeable, dedicated staff in the high quality of our programs, our service areas. our teaching and our student Our brand package services. And it also reflects our emerged from deep listening strategic plan, and its vision to be and engagement with students, the largest and most progressive faculty, and staff, through focus baccalaureate degree-granting groups and an online forum. college in British Columbia.” 4 www.theotherpress.ca News Career Exploration Fair a success Douglas College students discover job opportunities By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer included Vancouver Coastal Health, St. John’s Ambulance, and the n March 5 and 7, amid a YMCA of Greater Vancouver. whirlwind of pamphlets, Many of the professional tables, and students, attendees were looking to hire, Othe Career Exploration Fair was and there were also several who held at Douglas College’s New were offering more specialized Westminster campus and David education. Co-op opportunities Lam campus, respectively. At were up for grabs as well as a few the fair, students were given the summer employment positions. The opportunity to learn about the fair offered a veritable variety of various careers available to them career options to students. while partaking in popcorn and the The Douglas College Alumni chance to win free tuition. Association, which serves “to The 22nd Annual Douglas promote the highest standards A fairly constant stream my schooling.” College Career Exploration Fair of academic education, training, of students made their way Others however, seemed to was attended by all sorts of development, scholarship and throughout the fair area, and there be there just for a good time, “I organizations. There was a little continuing education for students was a generally positive consensus just saw that there was popcorn,” something for everyone. From law and graduates of Douglas College,” among the student population. remarked an unnamed student. enforcement and security, there held the Career Fair. “It’s a good way to see In a world where employers were, among others, the Vancouver “About 70 per cent of the what’s actually available to me, as are increasingly picky about whom Police Department and Paladin organizations that I spoke opposed to hypothetical scenarios,” they hire, it was evident that this Security. A few of the financial with were in need of Douglas commented one Douglas College was a room in where Douglas groups on hand included the grads,” stated Alumni Relations student. “I’m not looking for a College students were in high Certified General Accountants of Coordinator, Andrew Senjack. “The job right now, but it gives me that demand. BC, Sun Life Financial, and World Career Fair helps you explore your much more incentive to finish up Financial Group. Other notables options.” TransLink continues upgrading infrastructure Construction affecting many stations By Dylan Hackett, News Editor with the introduction of the proposed Evergreen Line within the next few years t SkyTrain stations across Metro adding millions of more SkyTrain riders Vancouver, major construction annually,” stated the initial business case is underway to accommodate for the new faregates. Athe new gate entry, electronic card-based Construction for the Evergreen fare system, “Compass.” The system is Line, which will be equipped with modeled after many major transit systems “Compass” electronic fare gates upon worldwide and functions much like the opening in the summer of 2016, is starting

“The Evergreen Line includes a terminus stop at David Lam campus, accompanying the currently under construction Douglas-centred New Westminster station on the Expo-Millennium Line.”

famous London “Oyster” card system underway this year. Last week, the British where transit users tap their magnetic, Columbia Ministry of Transportation and wallet-friendly fare cards at entry points Infrastructure announced the posting of and tap off at exit. The gate system then the private contracting proposal for the calculates the amount of fare zones traveled necessary widening of the Burquitlam and charges the user accordingly. This portion of North Road, the oldest road in will null the use of the current paper the Lower Mainland. transfer passes, effective in 2013. The new On the issue of the North Road “Compass” cards also boast the feature of construction, Transportation and being capable of fare recharges via online Infrastructure Minister Blair Lekstorm and phone updating. said, “We are making progress with the The electronic fare gate project was Evergreen Line and the widening of first proposed in 2009, and in the initial North Road will keep us on schedule. business case released to the public, stated We are working to minimize the impact that it was the necessary infrastructure of construction on local residents and to accommodate the increase in ridership businesses by keeping them well informed expected to result from future development of any potential disruptions ahead of time.” of SkyTrain routes. The Evergreen Line includes a terminus “With the opening of the Canada Line stop at David Lam campus, accompanying in August 2009, SkyTrain patronage is the currently under construction Douglas- expected to experience further increases centred New Westminster station on the surpassing a combined total of more than Expo-Millennium Line. This will also 100 million boardings in 2010. This growth provide easier cross-campus access for in transit ridership, and particularly students and staff, and, in most cases, will SkyTrain ridership, is expected to continue cut the current 50-minute commute in half. 5 Arts.

From the war-torn eyes of babes In one bed and out the other A collection of artwork by Palestinian children who Douglas College presents ‘Goodnight Desdemona survived the Gaza War (Good Morning Juliet)’ By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor

n March 9, Douglas College’s Theatre and Stagecraft programs Oproudly premiered the first of the semester’s plays, Ann-Marie MacDonald’s Goodnight Desdemona (Good Morning Juliet). Directed by theatre coordinator Allan Lysell, Goodnight Desdemona took the audience on a journey through time, filled with lighthearted romps, romances, and the discovery of oneself. Constance Ledbelly (Claire Pollock) is a Queen’s University English professor in her late twenties. Constance believes that the Shakespearian tragedies Othello and Romeo and Juliet were actually comedies derived from a legendary Gustav Manuscript. By Keating Smith, Contributor The artwork and MECA’s founder, She persists that the “original” Siedlanowska, and Shawnali Barbara Lubin, will be traveling to tales of Othello and Romeo and Ogle—took on multiple roles, mages of the ongoing conflict various locations throughout Metro Juliet actually contained a wise requiring alternate accents, many between Israel and Palestine Vancouver this week thanks to fool that prevented the characters costume changes, and even some are hard enough for most of us financial support and endorsements from their misdeeds in the plays. gender bending for the actors. toI digest. With that in mind, pencil of local unions, businesses, and non- Again, staged sword fights When her crush, professor Claude crayon and Crayola marker artwork profit organizations. Night (Joshua Milad), berates took place between several of the depicting Israeli helicopters and According to Lubin, who spoke her work on the manuscript, actors. The layered set required tanks firing at Palestinian civilians at an opening reception on March 9, informs her that he’ll be taking manipulations of the backdrop and buildings may be seen as the collection and her organization a position she was aiming for at to switch from scenes, which the surreal, to say the least. have received a lot of antagonism Oxford University, and announces cast used to the fullest extent. A Child’s View from Gaza is on from both Jewish and pro-Israeli display at the Unitarian Church of organizations throughout the United Vancouver from March 9 to March States. Many of these organizations “The students of the theatre program put on a delightfully amusing 15. A Child’s View is a traveling feel the objective of this project show, filled with ridiculous costumes, sword fights, and many an collection of drawings and portraits is to display hateful propaganda innuendo.” created by Palestinian children against Israel through its graphic who survived the Israeli-launched depictions; several museums and art military attack, Operation Cast galleries in the United States have that he’ll be getting married, From walking the streets of Lead. The operation, which occurred banned the collection from being Constance decides her life needs a Venice, to scaling the balcony of in December 2008 after a 10-month displayed in their facilities due to change. Juliet’s room, to battling in an cease-fire, has been considered the heavy criticism. Lubin does not Fate seems to think so eerie graveyard, the music and to be the worst attack on Gaza in feel “propaganda” is the purpose, too, as she happens upon reactions of the cast brought each its history, for reasons such as the and according to the organization, an ancient scroll. This scroll of these scenes to life. Particularly controversial and experimental use “the drawings featured serve as part reappears throughout the play, exciting were the transitions of white phosphorous munitions of a historical record of the horror leading Constance, ever the between the plays, which required on civilians. During the campaign, inflicted on the Palestinian people timid mouse, down a path to the use of thunderous sounds, the majority of Gaza’s government during Operation Cast Lead as newfound confidence. With each strobe lights, and fog machines for infrastructure was destroyed, experienced by Gaza’s children.” reading of the scroll, Constance the full effect. including a supposed 200 schools, This exhibition will be of high is transported between the With an abundance of and of the 1,400 Palestinians interest to anyone who follows worlds of Othello and Romeo and humorous moments, comedic estimated to have been killed in the the political conflict between Juliet, righting the wrongs of the overreactions, and the occasional attack, 350 were children. Israel and Palestine. The art can be characters, exploring many types cheesy one-liner, Goodnight The 25 pieces that make up the hard to handle for some due to its of love and lust, and eventually Desdemona (Good Morning Juliet) Child’s View art show are courtesy nature, but it offers an alternative discovering the true identity of the is an overall success on the parts of the California-based Middle East perspective from the first-hand wise fool. of both intense and multi-talented Children’s Alliance (MECA)—the experiences of children trapped in The students of the theatre program members. Goodnight current exhibit is taking place during one of the most unstable and violent program put on a delightfully Desdemona will be running at the Vancouver’s Israeli Apartheid Week. situations in the world. For more amusing show, filled with Douglas College Studio Theatre MECA was successful in bringing information on MECA and where ridiculous costumes, sword (room 4140) until Saturday, March 17. the artwork to North America in you can catch the collection, visit fights, and many an innuendo. 2010 after tireless efforts to collect www.childsviewfromgaza.org. Four of the five cast members— as much artwork as they could. Milad, David Hollinshead, Julia 6 www.theotherpress.ca Arts Left in the dust Hey Ocean ‘Is’ awesome By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor and stamina. The game requires you to run through ash-ridden dust clouds and scale dilapidated buildings, both of which leave you I Am Alive has something of a unreasonably low on stamina. As tiresome history; originally a project for health, finding the means to of indie developer Darkworks save yourself is rare, especially as in 2008, I Am Alive was handed you’re encouraged to help other over to Ubisoft Shanghai in 2010. ailing survivors—with your own Little information about the game health packs. You’ll occasionally find trickled out, with a number of retries, which allow to start over delays and release dates following at a checkpoint after your many suit. Eventually, the final Xbox inevitable deaths, but once they’re Live Arcade date of March 7 was all used you’ll have to start the level announced via Facebook earlier this over. year. These annoyances are slightly With all that in mind, I Am uplifted by the graphics, which, Alive wasn’t exactly something while outdated, reveal an intense worth living for. As the nameless level of art direction. The people protagonist, you return to your and city of Haventon are painfully fictional city of Haventon one bland, but at least they’re easy on year after the cataclysmic Event, the eyes. searching for your estranged wife Give the demo a try, but the and daughter. depth and length of I Am Alive is not The gameplay is about as worth the price of $15. enticing as the plot. A bar informs By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer going on. Ashleigh Ball delivers you when you’re low on health consistently amazing vocals as usual, and, of course, manages to work in her ever-present flute. David Beckingham continues to lthough Hey Ocean seems prove that he is no mere guitarist, to have taken an eternity lending his voice to several songs to release their latest on Is, namely “Islands.” Bassist Aalbum, Is, I can guarantee you that David Vertesi also makes a vocal it was well worth the wait! While contribution this time around, the group has deviated slightly dipping into his satisfyingly deep from their original sound, losing vocals on “Jolene.” some of their funky quirkiness, the While “Big Blue Wave” has result remains easy on the ears. made a commercial splash as the Is carries more of a mainstream lead single, my personal favourite sound than Hey Ocean fans might is the delightfully jazzy “Bicycle,” be used to, but the Vancouver- which is reminiscent of the group’s based musicians will continue to earlier sound. hold a firm position in the hearts All in all, Is is an album that (and iPods) of many. you won’t want to pass up! The album is solid throughout, with a good variety of sounds Take a trip to ‘Nowheresville’

By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor Despite the excitement of the album though, many of the songs suffer from playing things too safe. Not so much technically, as this is an electro-pop album, but in terms he Ting Tings, an English duo of the lyrical content, Sounds from comprised of musicians Katie Nowheresville could be played at White and Jules de Martino, a child’s birthday party. What’s releasedT their sophomore album wrong with that? It just seemed Sounds from Nowheresville on March unexpected, considering the skeletal 13. How does the album stand next White and de Martino that appear to the similarly titled We Started on the album’s cover. The songs Nothing (2008)? “Day to Day” and “Soul Killing” in Sounds from Nowheresville offers particular sound like Radio Disney a great deal of energy on the parts gold. of both White and de Martino. The Ting Tings have nonetheless There’s electricity between them that put together a fun dance album, brings each song to life. From the save for a few gentler songs near the lead single “Hang It Up” to the soft end. buildups of White’s enraged chorus on “Guggenheim.”

7 Arts Have a story idea? E-mail us at [email protected] All you need is love We interview Thrasso Petras and some of the cast of ‘The Very Ecstasy of Love’

By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor he writes about those sorts of situations a lot in his comedies. ouglas’ production of [That one is] completely consumed Goodnight Desdemona (Good and it alters [their] life. Ultimately Morning Juliet) will be we’re making fun of that, but at the wrappingD up this weekend, but not core of [The Very Ecstasy of Love], to worry! Lined up next is the much there [are] four very specific [types larger ensemble piece, The Very of] relationships… it’s a catalogue Ecstasy of Love. In anticipation of the of relationships.” play’s premiere this Friday, March 16, we spoke to director Thrasso Can you describe the experience of Petras and got a few words from adapting the play? actors and Douglas students Emma TP: “It was Allan and I initially, but Hughes and Zach Blumke. then it’s also the ensemble. A lot of the work that we’re What can you tell us about The doing [is] in terms of when Charles Very Ecstasy of Love? Mee talks about cultural mobility; Thrasso Petras: “The play that [we’re doing] physical theatre, we adapted is the Charles Mee/ stylized theatre—I’m interested Stephen Greenblatt play Cardenio, in taking things and abstracting and they took their story from a them. If you go online and look at play called Double Falsehood, which some of the other companies that is written by [Lewis] Theobald, and looked [Cardenio] up and adapted [Theobald] claimed that he adapted it, they’re often working in similar [his play] from a play co-written ways, too. by Shakespeare and [John] Fletcher There’s a big history of that [also called Cardenio], and part of kind of thing in Eastern Europe, that story comes from Don Quixote. Asia, South America, so you’ll Charles Mee’s whole thing is, get a product that’s a lot more “please take this work and adapt it heightened. At the same time as to fit your own cultural mores and we’re going along, I realize that the your own specific style of creating Shakespearian foundation of this theatre,” so it fits really well for story demands that kind of work. us because it’s a group of students If you try to do this piece as just a and we’re trying always to find 100 per cent naturalistic piece, it plays that suit the students. It’s wouldn’t be as interesting. It would really great to have a play [where] make a much more interesting film you can go, “okay, we can change or television [work] as a naturalistic this any way we want to suit the piece, rather than something on strengths of this cast.” stage.” You get to be more of a creator as the actor than you Who are your characters in The normally would, where [you’d be] Very Ecstasy of Love? interpreting somebody else’s work. Emma Hughes: “I’m playing Luisa, In this case, if you want to bring and I’m the mother of the groom. your own creative process to alter Luisa’s very over the top, but I the actual circumstances of the text, identify with the fact that she’s very you can.” mothering. I consider myself very motherly, and I like to take care of What’s the play about? people, [as does Luisa]—even if TP: “Literally, it’s about these [she] doesn’t always come across two people that get married, and that way. [Actually,] it’s more the then actually fall in love with other way around; I think Luisa other people… at their wedding comes [from] within me a lot more reception. now, [and that] I’ve become a lot [There’s] this idea [in] a lot of more overdramatic playing her.” Shakespearian comedies that love Zach Blumke: “With characters, is inexplicable. Everyone writes at least for myself, you find bits of What’s it been like working with his vision—when it says on the about it, talks about it all the time, yourself and bits of that character director Thrasso Petras? poster, “[Adapted by Thrasso but why does it happen, or why that you could use in your everyday EH: “This is both of our second Petras, Allan Lysell, and the acting does it not happen? One minute, life. It helps build you as a person… time working with Thrasso, and ensemble],” it really means [that].” someone’s your entire life, and then and reflect. I personally love him. He is the the next minute [it’s] done—or vise My character is Will, and [in] greatest person I’ve worked with in What: The Very Ecstasy of Love versa. [Or] you meet somebody… the play within the play, [I’m also] theatre.” Where: Laura C. Muir Theatre New and two days later you’re Cardenio. Will [is] caring and ZB: “Yeah, I really enjoy his West campus inseparable, and you can’t imagine considerate, but in [The Very Ecstasy directing style; how he goes about When: Friday March 16–Saturday being without them. of Love], he [finds true love] within and lets you discover the characters. March 24 In one sense it’s [a] ludicrous, a time frame that is completely It’s a real cohesion, with everyone Cost: $12 General ($8 Students and ridiculous thing, [but]… it unreasonable… a day.” working together to find what is Seniors) happens all the time. Again, from [behind] the play. It’s not [entirely] a Shakespearian point of view, 8 Life&Style.

Stuck in Purge-atory Purge Lite and Tupperware

By Laurel Borrowman each getting rid of one thing per past when we’ve gotten rid of rendering the container useless. Life & Style Editor day, then we should have purged something significant, something Just like the socks, I put it away, 240 items from our lives. I’m proud hefty, or something in copious and hope that on the next washing I have way too much stuff. You to say that we have gone above and amounts. cycle its match will turn up. It never probably do too. Stuck in Purge-atory beyond what was expected and This week’s purge took does. is a weekly chronicle of the quest by exceeded our goal by leaps and place over the course of a mere And so, I give you Purge Lite, my roommate Emily and I to get rid bounds (see running tally below). 15 minutes, began with a pile of the Tupperware edition. Here’s of extraneous excess in our lives by So you can imagine that I don’t mismatched plastic containers, what we got rid of this week. giving away or throwing out one thing feel bad to have a week where I and ended with a neatly sorted everyday until the end of time. 9 lids with no matching container “This week’s purge took place over the course of a mere 15 minutes, y my calculations— 2 tins (those round ones that began with a pile of mismatched plastic containers, and ended with a Borrowmath, as I like to hold Christmas treats, useless the neatly sorted cupboard of lid-laden Tupperware.” call it—I have been on this other 364 days per year) purgeB bender, roommate Emily 6 warped containers with no in tow, since November 11, 2011. matching lids That means that this issue marks slack off a bit. I’ve done it before cupboard of lid-laden Tupperware. approximately four months of (recall the post-holiday slump of I’m not a fan of eating out of plastic Technically, we still exceeded the getting rid of stuff, once per day, 2012, when there was useless crap containers in the first place, which goal of two things per day, or 14 every day. Needless to say, we’ve as far as the eye could see), and I’m is why we have a vast collection items per week. It just felt like a bit ditched a lot in the past four doing it again. Which brings me of glass jars for that purpose, but of a copout. Unlike Facebook Lite months. to this week in Purge-atory: Purge they do come in handy on occasion. though (and like the column states), If we’re getting precise here, Lite. While I find Tupperware annoying, we’ll be here, purging away, until that means that 120 days have Purge Lite is a bit of a cop out, it indeed has a time and place. the end of time. passed (note: the running tally the name derived from the ill-fated What I find really annoying are below indicates 100 days. Over the Facebook Lite that went down in said plastic containers with no lid. Days in Purge-atory: 100 three weeks of Christmas break, we flames in April 2010. In a similar Like a sock that comes out of the Items purged this week: 17 too took a break). And that means (but less creepy) vein, Purge Lite is dryer, suddenly without a match, Weekly target: 14 that technically, if Emily and I are a slimmed down version of weeks Tupperware lids seem to disappear, Total items purged to date: 326 9 Life&Style Got style? Contact us at [email protected] The Rival Report: A bar too far?

By Sharon Miki, Assistant Editor

o, I think I’ve got a hang of Oh where, oh where could my this whole weight loss thing. Eat better, eat less, move more. cockroach be? SSimple, right? It should be, but of course if being the perfect size was easy we’d all be walking around By Jacey Gibb, Opinions Editor I’ve been forced to gander at websites that looking like Megan Fox (thus, deal with cockroaches in the pet sense. For obvious making bigger girls more exotic and y the time your eyes pass over these words, reasons, none of the sites offer useful information attractive? I digress). But, as my Douglas’ Biggest Loser Competition will have like what the bug tastes like or recipes to use them in. stomach rolls shrivel like a hot dog in come to a close. My premature admission Instead, I’m offered irrelevant information like how the microwave, I’ve found something ofB defeat has made writing about my weight on a to care for a cockroach, what to feed them, and what new to worry about. How far is too weekly basis a tad tedious and even more redundant, kind of habitats they require. I eventually reminded far and how fast is too fast when it so for my last solo piece I thought I’d focus on an myself that I’m not searching for a soulmate, but comes to losing weight? issue I’m sure many of you have faced in the past: rather a bug to eat. Sure, with the awful consequence where do I buy a cockroach? Compared to others, the prices on www. of the cockroach on the table, it Anyone that’s been following along with our kentthebugguy.com are reasonable and I’ve settled on seemed smart—almost necessary—to War of the Waists knows the stakes: whoever loses the “2 Hissers, Small used Critter keeper – dirt, egg take my dieting to extreme measures. the competition consumes a cockroach. My original crate” package for $15 plus shipping. I’d like to point But as the weeks have worn on, I’ve plan was to purchase one ahead of time and house it out that when you plan on eating the cockroach, noticed that my attitude towards in our office, acting both as an ominous reminder of the button “Add to Wishlist” holds a completely food has made a drastic shift: I no things to come, but also to fulfill my dream of having different meaning. longer crave food. In fact, I find it an Other Press Laurel has increasingly difficult to muster the pet. I also thought “Instead, I’m offered irrelevant information like how to care for a graciously allowed cockroach, what to feed them, and what kind of habitats they require. will to eat. I feel more and more it would be hi- me to use part of guilty eating anything, and I’ve larious to have I eventually reminded myself that I’m not searching for a soulmate, but her Life & Style rather a bug to eat.” picked up some unhealthy (and everyone become budget to cover gross) habits that I used to keep attached to the the cost of my my weight down as a teenage cockroach—or as humiliation, and cheerleader. Like chewing and attached as people can get to a grotesque insect—and now we’re all set. At this point, I’d like to thank those spitting out food like it was cheap then devastate everyone by eating it. Unfortunately, of who you have tuned into our rivalry the last couple tobacco and I was a major leaguer. as I’ve found out, finding a cockroach is a lot harder of months and for any cockroaches reading this, just Basically, I’ve traded in one than it seems. be thankful that it isn’t you. unhealthy way of eating/dealing My roommate and I keep a tidy home, so with my feelings for another. I immediately ruled out the possibility of just The only difference is, no one shuffling our fridge to the side and discovering has ever been like, “Oh, Sharon, a colony lurking beneath. “But Jacey, we live in a awesome, you look so round.” The major city! Just find a dive bar and ask for one of good news is that I do think that the their cockroaches.” Let it be known that I do have positive habits I’ve picked up in this standards and am not interested in any free-range process outweigh the negative—and roaches. my sensitivity and awareness to A simple online search of “where do I buy a my flaws will likely keep me from cockroach in Vancouver” yields mostly pest control jumping over the edge into skinny websites and previous reports of infestations, so bitchiness. that’s been zero help. I’ve made the joke about And, no matter what, I’ll have wanting to buy locally and support small businesses, the lifelong memory of the look in but I guess the demand in the Lower Mainland isn’t Jacey’s eyes as he eats the cockroach what it used to be. and admits that I’m the winner.

10 www.theotherpress.ca Life&Style College Cooking The skinny on fats; a healthy flip on a classic recipe By Joel MacKenzie, Contributor nutrients essential to the body. A ratio of about 2:1 to 4:1 of omega-6 ats can be broken up into to omega-3 fatty acids is desirable. two categories: healthy and The imbalance of more omega-6s to unhealthy. While unhealthy omega-3s in modern Western diets Ffats are found only in French fries, can lead to many nasty problems, healthy fats are, in fact, healthy, and including cardiovascular ones, can be eaten constantly. chronic inflammation, diabetes, Does this sound familiar? and cancer. Three to five per cent Generalizations such as this are of one’s daily fatty acids should be often made about fats. But they omega-6s, and one to two per cent can’t be defined so rigidly. should be omega-3s. Dietary “fats” are fatty acids, The bottom line: an average chains of atoms required in a diet. healthy diet should be composed They act in the body as long-term of about 15-30 per cent fat, (about energy providers, perform essential 50-66 grams in a 2,000 calorie bodily functions, and can provide diet); those should be mostly many vitamins. A typical adult diet monounsaturated fatty acids, with should be composed of about 15-30 three to five per cent omega-6 fatty per cent fats, and an active adult acids, one to two per cent omega-3 may even need up to 35 per cent. fatty acids, and less than eight Fatty acids don’t make anyone per cent from saturated fats. So, “fat,” per se. Excess body fat is aim to get most of your daily fats stored when a body consumes from monounsaturated fatty acids more calories than it expends; these (mostly from fatty plant foods

“Fatty acids don’t make anyone “fat,” per se. Excess body fat is stored when a body consumes more calories than it expends; these calories could come in any form of energy, including fatty acids, carbohydrates, or protein.” butter (Western Family, 500g), Nutritional info and the artificial vanilla (Western Pancakes calories could come in any form like olive oil and most nuts, or Family, 125 ml). Calories: 291 cal of energy, including fatty acids, from meat sources such as fish or Fat: 2.75 g (4%) carbohydrates, or protein. So high- chicken), and ensure you eat some Pancakes Protein: 8.75 g fat diets can lead to increased body omega-6 sources (like soybeans or 1/2 cup whole wheat flour fat, but so can high-carb or high- grapeseed oil), a little less omega-3 Sauce protein diets, theoretically. sources (like walnuts, flax seed or 1 tsp baking powder Calories: 134.5 Fatty acids come in many types; salmon), and limit fried oils and Fat: 8 g (12%) the most important to basic health cholesterol. 1/2 tsp sugar Protein: 4.3 g knowledge are saturated, trans, cholesterol, monounsaturated, and Pancakes Dash of salt Total polyunsaturated. For me as a kid, pancakes or waffles Calories: 425.5 Saturated fats, trans fats, and translated to fluffy, white, toasted, 1/4 tsp dried ginger Fat: 10.75 g (16%) cholesterol are typically dubbed glowing-gold sponges soaked in Protein: 13.05 g “bad fats.” Saturated and trans syrup. Not the healthiest thing in 1/2 tsp cinnamon have been linked to heart disease the world. Thoroughly mix dry ingredients and some cancers, and a high level In this recipe, I replaced many 1/2 cup almond milk in one large bowl. Heat the frying of cholesterol in a diet is linked to of the saturated fats and cholesterol pan on low/medium heat (4/10). chronic heart and blood diseases. in traditional pancake ingredients 1/2 tbsp ground flax seed Mix the wet ingredients and the flax Saturated fats are found in many (eggs, milk, and oil) with seed in a smaller bowl. sources that also contain healthier monounsaturated and omega-6 fats 3 tbsp water Mix the wet ingredients into the types of fats; sources (ranging from (in the peanut butter) and omega-3 dry slowly, until there are no dry least amount to highest) include fats (in the flax seed). The syrup 1 tbsp unsweetened apple sauce spots. The batter should be slightly high-fat plant foods, fish, chicken, has been replaced with chocolate lumpy; do not over mix. red meat, dairy, and tropical peanut butter sauce, exchanging Sauce Spray the pan with a light layer oils. Trans fats are only found in syrup’s simple carbohydrates with 1 tbsp natural peanut butter of oil. Pour batter for three to four- processed foods, and should be natural sugars, fibre, and protein. inch pancakes; flip when bubbles avoided entirely. Cholesterol is The fats, protein, and whole wheat 2 tbsp almond milk start appearing in the middle and/ necessary for cell structure, but are healthy and digested slowly, or the sides begin to brown. is produced by the body and not keeping you full for a long time. 1/4 very ripe banana While the pancakes are cooking, required at all in the diet. A small amount of oil is in a small pot over low heat, mix Monounsaturated and necessary for frying. To keep this 1 tbsp water 1 tbsp. of almond milk with 1 polyunsaturated fats are amount low, use either a spray-type 1/4 tsp cocoa powder tbsp. peanut butter until smooth. often dubbed “healthy,” as oil (like Pam) or put frying oil (like Add banana and another tbsp. monounsaturated ones can protect canola) into a spray bottle. 1/4 tsp artificial vanilla of almond milk; mix/mash until against diseases and have been All of the ingredient prices came smooth. Finally add 1 tbsp. water, shown to reduce blood pressure from bulk food section at Save-On- vanilla, and cocoa powder. Mix and enhance blood flow, and Foods, except for the almond milk Total cost: $1.42 until smoooooth, and pour over the polyunsaturated ones create (Earth’s Own, 1.89 L), the apple pancakes. Boom. omega-6 and omega-3 fatty acids, sauce (Mott’s, 796 ml), the peanut 11 Life&Style Got style? Contact us at [email protected]

Tales from the bedroom My boyfriend the Snorlax

By Allie Davison, Staff Writer

knew from the first time we slept together, he was different. We had been on a couple great dates, we texted all the time, he made me laugh,I and never made me cry. I was in serious like. So it was time to take the plunge and sleep over. At least, that was the plan. My boyfriend has the ability to fall asleep very quickly. However, I am the opposite; it generally takes me a little while. So I was laying there in his bed, waiting for sleep to come to me, when I heard it—kind of a wheezy snort. At first it was only one, and then there were a few more sporadically coming from his side of the bed, but before long it was a full on snorefest. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep that night. As our relationship progressed, we started to spend more nights together, which meant more Courtney KelloCK sleepless nights for me. As much as I enjoyed EnvIROnMEnTAL MOnITOR hanging out with him, the nightly appearance of FRASER TRAnSPORT GROuP the mighty Snorlax was killing me. I needed my sleep! First we tried those sexy little strips of white paper that go over your nose while sleeping— Breathe Right strips. They did nothing. Well, practically nothing. At almost $10 a pop, all they did was make it sound like I was sleeping next to Darth Vader. And as much as I may have dreamt BCIT restores. about spending a night with one of the Star Wars stars, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind. Still loud, and still sleepless. Next were the earplugs. These have been the most successful snore-proofing equipment I’ve Are you pAssionAte About restoring nAturAl hAbitAts? found yet. But, even this isn’t as simple as just going out and grabbing the first pair you see. I’ve Earn an applied biology degree in Ecological Restoration (ER) by: tried at least four different kinds, colours, and > Laddering your post-secondary studies in a related discipline such as natural brands—all with different results. resource management and enter third year, or My boyfriend and I have been dating four Obtaining both a diploma in Fish, Wildlife and Recreation and an ER degree, months now, and we spent more nights together > than apart. I can generally sleep through most of all in 4 years. the night, either with help of earplugs or having inForMAtion sessions my headphones in with music playing. However, Tuesday, March 27, 6:30–8:30pm I’ve learned that if I wear the plugs every single Thursday, May 24, 6:30–8:30pm night, then my ears get sore. So some nights I give my ears a break, tough BCIT Burnaby Campus it out, and let my elbows battle the mighty Building SE2, Town Square C Snorlax in the quest for a good night’s sleep. All Register at bcit.ca/infosessions. in the name of love. It’s your career. bcit.ca/ecorestoration Get it right.

12

client: Lynne Cruz ad name: ER publication: Campus Plus docket #: A17106 size: 6" x 9" (or height required) colour: applied & natural sciences green template: program_text_nofill photo: no designer: Mirabelle proof 1: Feb 22, 2012 required: Mar 5, 2012 special notes: After the Quake: Feature. voices from Fukushima

By Bryce Tarling, Contributor People posted photos, showing the damage in their neighbourhoods. or some, the name Fukushima Don Storslee, who volunteered in brings to mind images of men Hisanohama, about a 20-minute in white hazmat suits, walking train ride north of Iwaki, during Fthrough the debris of upturned the weeks following the disaster, houses and mounds of broken writes to me, “It was a wasteland of concrete. For me, until about six upside down houses and fire-gutted months before the Great Tohoku buildings with people’s possessions Earthquake, Fukushima was my strewn out all over the street.” home. After finding several photo albums In 2009 and 2010, I spent 12 amongst the wreckage, Storslee and months in the Japanese Exchange other volunteers spent one afternoon and Teaching (JET) Programme, at the non-functioning train station working as an Assistant Language laying the photographs on paper Teacher (ALT) at five different towels to dry. schools in Iwaki, Fukushima. I lived In another coastal town, in an apartment about 25 kilometres “the tsunami had ripped off the south of the Dai-Ichi Nuclear reinforced concrete tsunami-blocking Power Plant, the site of the ongoing wall and tossed it over the road,” level 7 meltdowns that resulted in writes Storslee. “There were no explosions at three of the nuclear houses left, just piles of wood with reactors on March 12 of last year. cars mixed in. A lot of people had The people in Fukushima have died there and the ones that hadn’t been through much: demolished were poking through the rubble, homes, flooded schools, and a trying to get some of their things out 20-kilometre evacuation zone that before the bulldozers came.” still exists around the site of the Dai- Still hours after the earthquake, Ichi Nuclear Power Plant. They don’t the shocks kept coming. A year later, much in Iwaki Iwaki, reports there is widespread need to see the topographical maps has returned to normal. Within a economic damage to the region. measuring the low-level radiation, “FUCK!! I’m still having to few weeks after the earthquake, “Even if they get the fish way out dubbed safe by the Japanese run to the door jam every Stephanie Savage, a Vancouverite in the deep ocean, bringing them government. These memories are once and a while....the quakes who replaced me in the program, to port in Iwaki and getting that now a part of the community; won’t end!!” Stephanie Savage was back to school, teaching Fukushima stamp on them will they come back every time the students. ensure that no market or wholesaler ground moves, or whenever they “It’s horrible. I left work with “These days there are lots of will buy them,” he says. Foley also see construction teams that are still some coworkers. We were in construction vehicles to tear down says that in Fukushima City another at work demolishing condemned Onahama, which has been hit houses that were condemned and ALT reported that farmers have been buildings, or in the Geiger counters really bad, especially near the repair roads and bridges that were killing themselves because their crop installed around the city. port. I am now at Wakako’s upset,” says Savage. At Kaisei is stigmatized and no one will buy it. house and departed from Secondary School, a coastal fishing Ryan and Yuka Nagle are new Here in Vancouver, a 16-hour flight Matt. I have no idea where he school that I used to teach at—where parents who have lived in Tokyo away from Japan, the enormity of the is. I asked him to leave our there was one casualty among since just before the earthquake. disaster first came to me through the apartment as it is soo close its students—even this school is Their daughter, Amelia, who numerous posts across my Facebook to the beach. Matt sent me holding classes. “The first floor has was born September 22 after wall. a Facebook message saying essentially been boarded up,” writes the earthquake, hasn’t seen her our apartment had water in Savage, “and we use the second mother’s hometown of Iwaki. Their “8 hours later, and the it from the tsunami. More are through fourth floors. There is no grandparents don’t want them quakes won’t stop. Just got expected to hit too! [...] All running water though, so we have to to visit because of their concern home from helping out at trains and shinks have been use outhouses.” for radiation—even though the the school, which doubles out of service. If any combinis Two other schools that I used grandmother, who now owns her as an emergency evacuation are still open, there is barely to teach at, Banno and Midori no own Geiger counter, has measured center. No water at my house any food in them and they Mori, both await repairs. Savage also their home in Tokyo, and it reads the or Rachel’s, but we’re good - smell of whisky, which all fell reports that all of the schools had same radiation levels as her home in plenty in bottles.” Evan Storer off the shelves... It’s soooo the topsoil removed from the school Iwaki. scary right now. During this grounds for fear of radioactive One year after the earthquake, “I was at school and just about text alone I have felt quakes.” contamination. Also, “there are I have to feel lucky that I wasn’t ready to go when the quake Lisa Fournier several radiation monitors around caught up in one of the worst hit. Stayed after to comfort the city and in schools,” she says. natural disasters that Japan has crying children. Finally got “It’s a sleepless night for After interviewing several ever seen; yet, as I reconnect with home. No electricity, no water, many. Being alert for another experts, the Associated Press friends, I can’t help but feel left out. no gas. We are sitting in the quake. Tsunamis are hitting reported in November that most After living within the community, car and waiting and listening the eastern shores every hour. people in Japan have been exposed connecting with the people, and to the news. We will feel Pray for those who have lost to a low dose of radiation. “Cancers exploring the beautiful landscapes, tremors for the next day and homes and loved ones. The caused by the radiation may be too the images of broken cities and half. Will keep you posted. casualties are heart breaking. few to show up in large population broken homes over the past year Soon no cell phone cause we We are prepared to leave the studies,” says the Associated Press. have been heart breaking. can’t recharge yet. God keep apartment if need be and Yet, the long-lasting economic For the people affected by the us safe.” Sharon Minato trying to keep warm without effects of the tsunami are as dire disasters, there will be no forgetting any heat.” Sharon Minato as the fear around contamination. it. We can only hope that they James Foley, a previous ALT in continue to live safe and healthy lives. 13 Opinions.

Okonomi Sushi A welcome alternative to the Eighth Street sushi scene

By Jacey Gibb, Opinions Editor booths. For too long have I been leftovers home. Like I mentioned before, forced to enjoy my meals while As sushi usually does, my rolls Philadelphia Rolls are generally hen I go out for sushi, sitting on an uncomfortable chair! arrived quickly and looking mighty fine in my books, but I think the it’s not something I put Thank you Okonomi. appealing. Okonomi’s rice has the break-out hit of the Crazy Roll a lot of thought into. If a The menu is expansive, red tinge that comes from adding unfairly built up my expectations. placeW has unagi rolls and no visible to the point where it’s almost berry juices during preparation, The salmon had an unusual texture, rodent infestations, I’m usually intimidating, so I asked my server but I couldn’t notice any intruding while the rest of the roll failed to satisfied. This lack of expectations which of their special rolls was flavours when I chomped down on make my tastebuds quiver. Not means I never go beyond Eighth the most renowned/popular. It my first Vegetable Roll. They were terrible, but not terribly good Street for my sushi cravings, but Ki took a few suggestions before she surprisingly bland, only consisting either. Luckily I had saved half of Sushi can be sheer chaos during the mentioned one without imitation of carrots, cucumbers, and spinach. my Crazy Roll and was able to fill lunch/dinner rush and Bao Sushi, crabmeat: the Crazy Roll. With Terribly unimaginative, even for a up on it while mostly ignoring its while charming and friendly, takes cream cheese, cucumber, unagi, Vegetable Roll. fellow dishes. forever and charges too much for Considering only a third of my what you get. Fed up with these “…Philadelphia Rolls are generally fine in my books, but I think the dishes were delicious, basic math usual haunts, I took a friend’s break-out hit of the Crazy Roll unfairly built up my expectations… Not says my review of Okonomi is recommendation and checked out terrible, but not terribly good either. Luckily I had saved half of my Crazy poor. But I was never one for logic, Okonomi Sushi. Roll and was able to fill up on it while mostly ignoring its fellow dishes.” so I’m going to go ahead and give A 10 minute walk, or even Okonomi Sushi a thumbs up! The quicker SkyTrain ride, from Vegetable Roll and Philadelphia Douglas, Okonomi Sushi resides special sauce, and a bed of tempura Luckily, the Crazy Roll Roll were both subpar, but the on the inclination known as Fourth flakes, it sounded eccentric enough. was there to pick up the slack. Crazy Roll was more than enough Street. Literally around the corner When eating sushi and exploring Presentation wise, the roll was to save the meal. Perhaps it was from the Columbia SkyTrain an unknown menu, I’ve adopted easily the most attractive, with the contemporary jazz humming station, the restaurant is a bit bigger the habit of ordering one dish that’s the tempura flakes coating the roll throughout my visit, or maybe it than Ki and with about half the outlandish and then pairing it with like snow on a winter landscape. was the generous mound of ginger tables, meaning you don’t knock something I know I’ll love. In this They added a positively satisfying that came with each dish, but I left into someone every time you move case, Philadelphia Rolls are a sure crunch sound to the roll too, while the restaurant feeling great about your chair. The real gem of their bet for me and it never hurts to give the cream cheese and other contents my experience. If nothing else, I layout is the line of comfy couches a place’s Vegetable Rolls a try, so I made for a smooth and creamy can’t see my school from Okonomi’s along the windows set up like ordered all three with plans to take filling. Insanely good! windows, so that’s a plus. 14 www.theotherpress.ca Opinions Consideration is just a It’s the end of the world as we write it click away Computers are taking over the (writing) world Why it’s important to reply to emails By Allie Davison, Staff Writer It’s a scary world when a computer is able to do your job. t’s turning into a grim world Narrative Science is already being for bloggers and journalists used by major companies like everywhere. While blogging Forbes and the Big Ten Network, hasI only recently become a part of which includes over 300 TV the business world, people (myself stations in Canada and the U.S. included) who are looking to make Thankfully, those pesky a career in social media may have computers aren’t going to steal to look down another career path. all the journalism jobs quite All because of a computer program yet. Narrative Science is still a called Narrative Science, a new relatively new company, having innovation making treacherous only launched in late 2010, and waves in the blogging world. the computer program can only What is Narrative Science? generate basic news stories. Basically, it takes statistics and When I spoke to fellow turns them into blog articles, Douglas College student and tweets, Facebook updates, full- writer, Sharon Miki, about the length feature articles, and even Narrative Science program, she had industry reports. Currently, this to say: “This hits close to home, Narrative Science advertises on because I’ve spent a lot of time their website that they will “cost- working on my craft as a writer, effectively publish” a variety of and it’s disconcerting to think I news articles (such as sports stories, can be replaced by some machine. real estate analyses, and local But, I think there’s still hope—I community content) and business don’t believe that a computer reports (such as market research, can replicate the innovation and sales and operations reports, and thought-provoking prose of a advertising campaign summaries). human. But, what do I know? According to a New York Times My motherboard’s all fleshy.” article, Narrative Science can Disconcerting indeed, Sharon. produce an update for a sports At the moment, the science game within 60 seconds. A job that hasn’t branched onto my favourite would’ve previously belonged to genres, but how soon will it be until a hard-working sports writer has a computer can write an article like now been replaced by a machine. this one? With the technology out What’s next? Robot cashiers? Then there, the end is near. again, if you count self checkout machines, there already are robot cashiers. Disaster!

By Naomi Ambrose, Contributor Replying also saves me from a panic attack. Of course I’m familiar otmail, Gmail, your with the phrase “I’ll reply to your myDouglas account. email within 24-48 hours,” but What’s the basic service when that time has elapsed, I’m thatH they all provide? They act as a left to frantically wonder whether platform for sending and receiving you actually received my email. If emails. But it seems that many of us you don’t mind, I’d rather use my have conveniently forgotten about thoughts to wonder about whether the “replying” part—and that my favourite box of chocolate chip frustrates me! cookies are on sale. “I get over 100 Replying to emails shows emails every day” is not a valid that you have good manners. You excuse. I too am inundated with know how you say thank you emails everyday but I take the when someone does something time to prioritize, read, and reply. nice for you? Why don’t you try Surely you can do the same. I’m the electronic version of saying not asking you to reply with a 1,000 thank you by replying to emails? words or to use Shakespearian When you reply, it shows me that language either. A quick and you’ve acknowledged the efforts concise reply will suffice. that I put into composing the So the next time you message. I assure you that I don’t conveniently forget to reply to an hastily compose my emails—I important email, I want you think take the time to ensure that they about the negative impression don’t contain any grammatical that you’re leaving. After all, or typographical errors, so please consideration is just a click away. acknowledge my efforts by hitting the reply button. 15 Opinions Have an opinion? Contact us at [email protected] New iPad introduced By David Hollinshead instead of typing, the user Staff Writer can just tap the microphone, speak into the microphone in pple has introduced its English, German, French, or newest product since Japanese, and the words will Steve Jobs’ death in appear on the screen. Athe form of another souped-up Despite all of these new tablet. The new iPad, as it’s improvements, the flaws named (instead of the “iPad of the iPad still remain. Its 3,” which would’ve been the purpose is to be a combination basic choice) is another mobile of two previous products, the device that sets the bar high for iPhone and the MacBook, but competitors. the iPad family awkwardly “The new iPad redefines tries to sit in both worlds. the category Apple created less For instance, the iPhone is than two years ago, delivering a similar but much more the most amazing experience practical device, as it actually people have ever had with fits in your pocket, makes technology,” said Philip phone calls, runs apps, and Schiller, Apple’s senior vice caters to any needs you might president of Worldwide Marketing. Retina display, quad-core graphics, quad-core graphics, the new iPad require while on the run. The iPad “The new iPad now has the highest a 5-megapixel iSight camera, revolutionizes the video and game cannot take phone calls, and if you resolution display ever seen on and 1080p HD video. The new playing experience. want to use it while on the go, you a mobile device with 3.1 million iPad also features a 4G network The new iPad also has a inconveniently must place it flat on pixels, delivering razor sharp text connection and a 10-hour battery number of enhancements from its your lap and hold it awkwardly. and unbelievable detail in photos life, while continuing Apple’s predecessors, including several Similarly, most of the features that and videos.” mission of its products being light upgrades to the Photo Booth app were put onto the iPad could be After the product was and thin. The new Retina display and personal hotspot to share the run by a MacBook, and most likely introduced, it was announced that has four times the pixel display fast network connection of the iPad done better. It’s obvious that the the iPad 2 would be dropping its of the iPad 2, making photos and with any other Apple products. cost of an iPad is less than both an price to a more affordable $399. webpages look incredibly more This iPad also introduces iPhone or MacBook, but it is less The new iPad comes with a realistic—so teamed with the new dictation, a new option where practical. Lessons learned from outside the textbook By Jacey Gibb, Opinions Editor to have conflicting feelings.

nly a few months to go Lesson learned in Academic and I’ll have reached the Writing (English): The only thing halfway point of my post- this course taught me was to never Osecondary career. I’ve dabbled in a sign up for a class without first pretty extensive array of subjects so consulting Rate My Professor. I was far and I’ve picked up some really shocked to learn afterwards that useful stuff, but in all honesty, this class was meant to help me my retention rate for academics tone my essay writing, but at least I is minimal. While my transcripts learned something, right? will tell you that I’ve taken a Canadian history course, if I had Lesson learned in Canada After to write an exam later today on Confederation (History): No matter important dates, I’d fail with flying how diverse and accepting Canada colours. What I have taken away may be in your eyes, know that from my courses usually aren’t our country’s history is chock full things found on the syllabus, but of racism. Rural schools, worker come from unintentional hidden exploitation during the construction curriculums: things you learn that of the CNN, minorities during aren’t necessarily intended. While WWII. Racism, racism, racism. when you’re in trouble. Part of me essays and major projects can be I’m sure not all of them are life- wondered if maybe I’d discover thrown together at the last minute changing news to you, you can Lesson learned in Major Themes some religion that was perfect (don’t tell my professors I told either keep on reading or just skip in Literature (English): It doesn’t for me, but after four months of you that), you can’t “cram” for a to the back of the paper for the matter if the author of a book studying religious inceptions and second language. If you’re someone comics. It’s your call, chief. is a complete hack or a literary what goes with them, I realized that likes to procrastinate, maybe genius, everything in their novel following something blindly just you should stick the language you Lesson learned in Social Processes is significant and has some form isn’t for me. already know. (Sociology): You don’t have to of brilliant symbolism. Nothing is buy the course’s textbook just allowed to just be coincidence. Lesson learned in Introduction Lesson learned in Intro to Writing because it’s “required.” Also, if to Astronomy (Astronomy): Ms. Fiction (Creative Writing): A lot your professor posts the seminar’s Lesson learned in World Religions- Frizzle does exist. Except she goes of people are writing some form of slides online, you should send them Oriental (Humanities): Religion by the alias Jennifer Kirkey. fantasy story/saga on the side. A a fruit basket at the semester’s end. and spirituality aren’t necessarily lot. Also, I learned to never take a But if they still make attendance bad things, but once a religion Lesson learned in Basic Spanish night class ever again. part of your grade, you’re entitled becomes institutionalized, that’s (Modern Languages): While most 16 Sports. The Jets look for that final NFL playoff spot bounties: By Josh Martin, Sports Editor We’re proud to be in this position,“ says winger Chris Thorburn. Williams makes he Winnipeg Jets decided “We’ve just grown as a team. like the paper to come back to Vancouver We’ve become closer and we’re for some long awaited just learning how to win. Whether towel; used to revenge,T only 16 years after they its experience or whatever it is, clean up mess were defeated by the Canucks in a it’s worked out well for us. We’ve 5–4 decision on February 13, 1996. developed a lot of team toughness Last Thursday night they took throughout the course of the year. on the Canucks in a heated battle It’s got to show coming up on this that went right down to the wire road trip.” In their remaining 14 and resulted in a 3–2 affair in the games, the Jets face the likes of Canucks’ favour. The only regret some powerhouse teams in the East in that game was the fact that the in the New York Rangers (First in Canucks had to win in regulation the East with 91 points), and the and not in Overtime where the Jets Pittsburgh Penguins (fourth, 85 would at least get one point to the points) along with division rivals, Canucks two. the Florida Panthers (third, 74 With the regular season coming points) and luckily some games to a close within a month and the against the lowly New York playoffs just around the corner, Islanders (14, 65 points) and the the Jets are desperately trying Carolina Hurricanes (13, 65 points) to claw some points together in to cap off the season. By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer the other team’s star quarterback order to grab on to that eighth and It’s going to be a huge push out of the game. Since the news final playoff spot in the Eastern toward the end of the regular ootball is a violent game. of Williams’ gross infraction, Conference. They are currently season, but head coach Claude Players know it. Fans love it. there have been various players sitting in the ninth position with Noel appears to have some However, in recent times it coming forward with the mind- a 32–28–8 record and 72 points confidence in his Winnipeg squad. Fhas been reported that a particular boggling update that the situation in 68 games, right behind the “We’re in a good place right now. coach has been trying to take in New Orleans was not unique. Washington Capitals. We’ve used this home stand to football’s brutality to a whole new Flabbergasting. Looking back over They’re going to have to string our advantage to get back in the level. Gregg Williams, current Rams the history books, it is clear that this together some wins if they want standings and get back above the defensive coordinator and former is not a new problem. Way back in to jump up in the tight Eastern [playoff] line and build a little bit of Saints defensive coordinator, has the ‘70s, the Raiders defensive back Conference, which appears to be confidence in our game. This will been nailed for running a “bounty” tandem of George Atkinson and a traffic jam between the Capitals, be an opportunity to see if we can program whereby players are Jack Tatum had their own points Jets, Buffalo Sabres, and Tampa push it forward here.” rewarded for, among other things, system between the two of them Bay Lightning for that final playoff It will be an opportunity, a injuring opponents. for how badly they could hurt their spot. And in order for them to do desperate one if that, and if they It’s horrible. I know. In a sport opponents. Don’t even pretend that so, they’re going to have to win do manage to be successful in where 300-pound millionaires you’re surprised the Raiders have a some big games on the road, since getting that final playoff spot come routinely pound each other to a history with this. they will be playing eight of their next month, imagine how the fans pulp, it would seem like a recipe for So why pick on Williams and final 14 games away from home— will react in Winnipeg? The first disaster to introduce more money the Saints when it’s so obvious something that has been fairly year they get their team back after and violence to the equation, but that his situation is anything but difficult for the Winnipeg team. 16 years of having to settle for it has been done. Williams is a unique? Simply put, the NFL The Jets sport one of the cheering for some other Canadian monster. This cruel sadistic man loves to have a good scapegoat, ugliest road records in the NHL team like the Montreal Canadiens is trying to recreate the Roman and, to a lesser extent, someone at 11–17–4 and in their last eight or the Ottawa Senators, and their gladiatorial contests of old. He to make an example of. Let’s head games away from the MTS Centre Jets make the playoffs? needs to be punished. Punished back to 2007 and the infamous they are 4–4, however when it Oh man, one could only dream. severely. He has made a one-of-a- “Spygate” scandal. Practically comes to playing at home the Jets That would arguably be the best kind program that is damaging the every team in the league was guilty seem to play their best hockey, sports comeback ever. reputation of the NFL. Putting out a of videotaping the other teams’ right in front of their beloved fans, Let’s go Jets! Bring’er home! hit on star players? Shame on him. coaches’ hand signals, but the sporting an impressive 21–10–4 Without Williams, the NFL would NFL came down hard on the New record. On top of that, in their have a record white as snow. England Patriots. The Pats were past 10 games they hold a strong But let’s step back from the (and still are) flying high at the 6–2–2 record, accumulating 14 of a reality the league’s publicists are time; the Brady Bunch was an easy possible 20 points. Pretty ravishing trying to paint for us for a moment. team to hate. Perfect. The bigwigs for a team that was playing for the Do you really believe that Williams, had found their sacrificial lamb. city of Atlanta this time last year who is also rumoured to have had Skip forward to today and we and finished in 12th spot in the a similar set-up on other teams find the loveable-losers-turned- east—not exactly a city that is as he has coached, was the only one NFL-powerhouse Saints in the hockey-orientated as Winnipeg, to running such a program? Really? middle of this whole debacle. I say the least. I can’t possibly imagine another wonder how they got there? “For a lot of us this is new, DC or even a group of players being in this kind of a race this late doing whatever is necessary to get in the season. It’s exciting. It’s fresh. 17 Sports Have a story idea? Contact us at [email protected] Royals Brad Hudson 2012 CCAA Men’s Volleyball Coach of the Year By Stephanie Wereley, Contributor Championship, and are seeded second. to share the experience of winning a Hudson received the award “Brad has made huge CCAA national championship with his Wednesday, March 7 during the CCAA he Douglas College Royals improvements since season,” says Ray players and coaches. Championship Awards Banquet at the were ranked second in BC’s Sarkis, CCAA men’s volleyball national The other nominees for 2012 2012 CCAA Men’s Volleyball National competitive PACWEST convenor. “It’s impressive to see where CCAA Men’s Volleyball Coach of the Championship in Abbotsford, BC. conferenceT with a 19–5 regular season he’s gone with the program.” Year were Rock Picard of the Titans CCAA Player of the Year recipients record, showing progress since Hudson is a NCCP-certified de Limoilou, Joe Ryan of the Holland receive a customized ring provided last year’s 9–5 record. The Royals level 2 coach who’s seen many of his Hurricanes, Aaron Schulha of the by Jostens Canada, the Official Ring have since qualified for the 2012 athletes participate in the provincial Red Deer Kings, and Eric Yung of the Supplier of the CCAA Championship CCAA Men’s Volleyball National team program. His coaching goal is Nipissing Lakers. Awards Banquet. $2995 $ave big*

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ART DIRECTOR COPY WRITER CREATIVE DIR. PRINT PROD. STUDIO MGR. ACCT. MGMT. www.theotherpress.ca Sports Whitecaps ready for redemption By Josh Martin, Sports Editor some key players, built a squad that ultimately defeated Toronto FC 1–0. The South Korean defender brings appears to have some much needed However, it was only pre-season, loads of precious experience, having he Vancouver Whitecaps are depth down the lineup, and rounded and like all sports you can never represented his country at three coming off their first season as up a young and confident coaching judge how successful your team World Cups as well as spending part of Major League Soccer staff that can work together in a will be solely on the performance time with big European clubs such inT what can be marked as a huge successful way. At the end of the in the pre-season. Perhaps veteran as Tottenham Hotspur and PSV disappointment for the franchise. day, Rennie has brought the city of ‘Caps goalie, Joe Cannon said it best, Eindhoven. He will be another key They finished at the bottom of the Vancouver exactly what they need “We have a new regime in here and component in bringing hope to Western Conference with a 6–18–10 after an unsuccessful crack into the guys have worked really hard over Vancouver. record, a league low of 35 goals for MLS last season: hope. the pre-season, but let’s not fool Last season, the Whitecaps hit with a terrible defensive record of 55 Hope can go a long way, and ourselves, it’s just pre-season,” he rock-bottom which was somewhat goals against, and to top it all off a in the Whitecaps circumstances said. “We need to start on the right unsurprising upon their inaugural dismal 0–12–5 record in away games. this season, all it means is making a foot [against Montreal]. ... We have season. They went through two head Yes, that’s right, they didn’t even playoff appearance come fall. to wait and see and steadily build coaches before Rennie, they finished win one road game all season. A feat They’re already off to a—hold this thing. It’s not going to happen as the worst team in the Western which is embarrassing even among your breath—good start with regard overnight.” Conference, and they failed to win a bottom-seeded teams. However, to their successful pre-season in It will not happen overnight, but single game away from Vancouver. heading into their second season taking home the Disney Pro Soccer it has to start somewhere. With Eric This season, they’re a completely in the MLS, there seems to be some Classic last Saturday against the Hassli, Camilo Sanvezzo, Sebastian different team with loads of potential optimism igniting around the city Toronto FC in the finals. It should if Le Toux, Atiba Harris, Darren and depth that has only one direction of Vancouver with the new and anything, provide some momentum Mattocks, Davide Chiumiento, Long to go—up. With a strong pre-season transformed Whitecaps organization. for the Whitecaps as they enter the Tan, and Omar Salgado commanding performance the momentum seems The number one key ingredient regular season of the 2012 season. the charge, the Whitecaps should to be on their side; however that to this fresh-faced team is the arrival The ‘Caps went a perfect 3–0 in the have no trouble scoring goals this isn’t always the case once the regular of new head coach, Martin Rennie, round robin tournament down in year—which was a huge issue that season begins. who signed a multi-year contract Florida first beating the Montreal was evident in last year’s season. with Vancouver last August. Since Impact 3–0, followed by a 1–0 victory On the other hand, the defensive then he has completely changed the over the Houston Dynamo and then side of the Whitecaps has gained a team; he has addressed the gaping another 3–0 win over Kansas City significant amount of strength with weaknesses with the additions of to move onto the finals where they the acquisition of Lee Young-Pyo.

house, firing a number of their front will be taken out of circulation in office members. Rumours arose tribute to Manning’s success there. that Manning had played his last Luck though, is being compared to game as a Colt, and said himself Manning already. In 1998, the 2–14 that he wasn’t lobbying to return Colts drafted a so called “can’t miss to the team, and was ready to quarterback” and hit big time. The move on. In the 20 years predating same is being expected of Luck, who Manning, the Colts had won 116 is stepping into the shoes that Steve games with a single division title, Young once did for Joe Montana. making the playoffs three times. He will most likely face the same With Manning, the Colts won 150 challenges, being doomed to fail. games, eight division titles, two Unless Luck (assuming that he does AFC championships, and one Super go to the Colts, which is almost a Bowl. sure thing) wins two Super Bowls As the NFL Draft approaches, in his career, he will most likely face By David Hollinshead, Staff Writer Super Bowl contenders. Since then, every NFL team has said from the tons of criticism. Manning has won four league Most start of the season that Stanford Manning’s career though is n 1998, the lowly Indianapolis Valuable Player awards, as well quarterback Andrew Luck is going not over, as there are several places Colts drafted star quarterback as guiding his team to two Super to the Colts, making Manning for him to go. Two likely places he Peyton Manning with the first Bowls, winning once. either expendable, or a tremendous could end up are in the AFC East, to overallI draft pick—but Manning’s In 2011 though, after signing a mentor. The added contracts of Luck play rival Tom Brady twice a year. It era ends now. Last week, the huge five-year, $90-million contract, and Manning would be huge. The seems like the Miami Dolphins will Indianapolis Colts cut Peyton be lobbying to get him, and former Manning, after a dismal 2–14 season “In the 20 years predating Manning, the Colts had won 116 games with a single division title, making the playoffs three times. With Manning, the teammate Reggie Wayne says he in which Manning didn’t even play would follow Manning there. NFL Colts won 150 games, eight division titles, two AFC championships, and due to injury. Over his 14 years, Network’s Michael Irving claims one Super Bowl.” he’s seen all there is to see as a that Miami would be a perfect fit for professional quarterback, the highs Manning. The New York Jets also and lows. he had surgery to repair nerves first pick of the draft is guaranteed want to make a move for Manning, After being drafted from the in his neck, and due to a setback, a gross amount of money, while still as he could more than likely clean Tennessee Volunteers over mega- it became clear that Manning owing Manning tons of money. up a very immature locker room bust Ryan Leaf, Manning set five would not be available for the So it happened, the Colts with his leadership ability. The NFL rookie records in his rookie opening game against the Houston released Manning. Despite having Seattle Seahawks, Denver Broncos, season. The very next year, he threw Texans. The era began to end as he a very average team around him, Arizona Cardinals, and Washington for his first 4,000-yard season. With continued to require surgeries, and Peyton Manning gave the Colts a Redskins have all expressed interest his personal success, the Colts did was unable to play a single game winning team, but as the NFL is a in signing Manning, and each team not have a season where they won in the 2011 season. He watched business, there was just no more is a good quarterback away from less than 10 games, and in 2002 from the sidelines as his team only room for him. Team owner Jim Irsay being a contender. when Tony Dungy was hired as his won two games. Shortly after the said that even though he won’t be head coach, they went on to become season ended, the Colts cleaned officially retired, the number 18 19 Humour.

Sleeping Conservative MP has been sleep-walking through career Rob Anders suffers from ‘severe’ sleep disorders; entire political career thought to be a dream

Capricorn Cancer (12/22-1/19) (6/22-7/22) Oh, go ahead, make this horoscope Be careful, folks, there are scams all about you, you selfish creature. By Liam Britten, Chief Narcoleptic been re-elected so many times. It’s out there. My advice? If you want Excuse me, but might I point out Neo-Conservative Editor like, sorry to be blunt, but those to make a little extra cash, don’t that my name is at the top of this voters must be some kind of stupid. become a walking advertisement. column? Not yours? Take a hike. onservative Member of Didn’t my erratic behaviour, spacey Yes, you may make a lot of money, Parliament Rob Anders demeanour, or, I don’t know, the fact but, like a normal advertisement, Leo has spent the past two that I’ve repeatedly fallen asleep tip people will ignore you. (7/23-8/22) weeksC deflecting blame after he them off?” The hardest person to see is was accused of falling asleep Although Anders said he voted Aquarius yourself. Maybe you should buy a during a presentation from a group for the Progressive Conservatives (1/20-2/18) mirror for your home. representing homeless veterans. once in the ‘80s, he’s usually a Things should go very well for you During this time, he has accused Liberal voter. He’s baffled as to today except for that important Virgo the members of the veterans how he became involved with the job interview. Turns out that (8/23-9/22) group of being communists, Putin- Canadian Alliance, the forerunner constantly saying quotes from the There’s creative energy in the air supporters, and under the control of to the modern Conservative Party of movie Little Nicky isn’t the way to all around you today. Too bad the NDP. Canada. get hired. you’ll never be able to grasp it But now, instead of blaming “I actually don’t know what because you’re in accounting. others, Anders is trying a new they stand for. Are they still against Pisces tack: he’s admitted to The Other the Gun Registry? I’m not very (2/19-3/20) Libra Press that his sleeping problems political,” he said. Today is going to be nice and (9/23-10/22) have been going on for much For Liberal MP Sean Casey, relaxing when you finally find an Today, you can see dead people. longer than previously thought— who caught Anders napping while old bomb shelter for the upcoming Your sixth sense must be in full in fact, he revealed that his entire sitting on the same veterans’ affairs air raid. force for me to make this dated political career was simply a long committee, Anders’ new explanation reference. waking dream, and he has been makes a lot of things clearer. Aries sleepwalking through his entire 15 “The poor guy. I hope he gets (3/21-4/19) Scorpio years as a Member of Parliament. the help he needs,” Casey told The Today, you will find that booze (10/23-11/21) “It’s horrible,” he said. “I keep Other Press. “I always thought the makes any family gathering a Take a break from routine and having these vivid dreams—or at guy was a little off, but I didn’t peaceful one. So go ahead, spike instead go skydiving. But the least I thought they were dreams— realize how ill he was. The fact that the punch. parachute won’t work for you. that I’m on the campaign trail, he was asleep the whole time really You won’t notice this until you’re making outrageous promises, telling clears a lot up. I now understand Taurus already in the air. reactionary conservative voters why he kept urinating himself (4/20-5/20) everything they want to hear, trying during a normal conversation—I Randomly tackle-hug everyone Sagittarius to de-fund the CBC, all manner of guess he was a bed-wetter as well.” you see today. I’m sure that frail (11/22-12/22) crazy things.” As for Veterans Emergency old lady down the street will Want to minimize your daily Anders said he believed Transition Society, the veterans’ appreciate the force that knocks drama? Then close your Facebook something was strange when he group that was subjected to her down onto the street, breaking account. would go to bed, only to wake up accusations from Anders himself, her hip! four to eight weeks in Calgary, have accepted his apology, and have With files from Livia Turnbull across the country from his offered to provide mental health Gemini Brampton, Ontario home. counselling to the troubled MP. (5/21-6/21) “I really have no idea how I As of press time, Anders was Today is going to be a terrific day became Member of Parliament trying to reconnect with his wife, for you! You’ll only be hit by one for West Calgary, or whatever the whom he last coherently spoke to in truck today! riding is called,” he said. “And 1994. I’m even more surprised that I’ve 20 www.theotherpress.ca Humour Live Wires

In an effort to provide you with “oppressive.” better news coverage and put “How can we be expected three writers out of work, The to carry out our normal Other Press presents Live Wires, activities, watching these the best news stories from around women undress, following the world that we could print for their every move, calling them pennies on the dollar. at all hours of the day when we can’t even watch them from Edited by Liam Britten down the street with a high- Humour Editor powered telescope?” CSCW President Spencer Williams Vladimir Putin concedes told supports at a rally at the Russia’s democracy just an BC Legislature in Victoria. elaborate practical joke “Our right to stalk and harass Confirming what many had these women who want suspected for years, newly- nothing to do with us is being re-elected Russian President trampled on. This is worse Vladimir Putin confirmed than slavery!” that his nation’s attempts at The BC Liberals said they democracy were simply a long- would consider the CSCW’s running practical joke on the petition after they had a brief international community, and “get to know you” chat at he felt it had “gone on long a local courthouse with the enough.” society’s members. “Surprise, Western pigs!” —Agence France-Pressed Ham he told cheering crowds after his widely-criticized election Denny’s announces new in a believed to be rigged ‘American Salad’ election. “I mean, how stupid In an effort to encourage are you? How could anyone healthier eating and provide believe this was an actual more choices on their menu, democracy? I mean, I’ve been Denny’s Restaurants have controlling this government announced that their menu despite not being president will feature a new “American for so many years, you’d think Salad,” which is a mixture of someone would have clued in items that they believe are the by now.” most vegetable-like things the Putin’s opponents in the average American will eat. election had to be approved by The meal is a mixture of his government to run in the cheddar cheese, pats of butter, first place, and true opponents macaroni, deep-fried zucchini were not allowed to compete. sticks in a rich ranch dressing “Seriously, how did no sauce. The restaurant says one get that this wasn’t for its minimal trans-fat content real? Come on! You guys are so and “non-lethal” salt quotient gullible!” make it the perfect meal, or Putin said the best parts of a great side for any one of the joke were that it had true Denny’s traditional meals. comedic value, totally stood “No one wants to eat the test of time, and gave him rabbit food. We get that,” unchallengeable power over said spokesperson John a nuclear state with a massive Dillon. “This new dish will economy and over 150 million allow Americans to convince people. themselves they are eating —Associated Associates healthy while destroying their bodies more efficiently than Canadian Society of Creeps ever before.” and Weirdos demands an end When asked if the dish to blinds in sexy women’s was truly healthy, Dillon apartments responded, “Of course it is. It’s Citing an inability to a salad, isn’t it?” lecherously watch them Denny’s also announced in their private hours, the that they will be re-vamping Canadian Society of Creeps their popular Baconalia and Weirdos (CSCW) promotion with a new one demanded that beautiful called Baconaliaalia, which women whom they could will simply be the regular never speak to must remove Baconalia dishes served with a all blinds and other window side of bacon. coverings in their homes. —Canadian Mess The CSCW called the visual obscurants 21 Humour Think you’re funny? Contact us at [email protected]

U.S. and Israel displaying marked differences on approach to Iran situation U.S.: ‘We plan to bomb Iran;’ Israel: ‘We definitely plan to bomb Iran’

By Liam Britten their military and obliterating their policy and see it as a potential hairs at first glance, but represents a Chief Middle East Editor nuclear facilities. We just don’t feel turning point in the two nations’ real disjunction of policy objectives, it to be prudent.” relationship. and could be the first sign of alks between the U.S. and This disagreement in policy “The disparity between the America treating Israel with less Israel ended in tension last is the strongest diplomatic row hawkishness of Mr. Netanyahu seriousness.” week over each nation’s facing U.S.-Israel relations since the vis-à-vis the reliance on diplomacy Ben-David clarified his polarizedT position on how to deal Carter administration. During those preferred by Mr. Obama furthers comments by saying that entire last with Iran and their almost certain years, relations hit an all-time low illustrates the complex relationship quotation was a joke, and we were efforts at developing nuclear when U.S. support for Israel went that the U.S. and Israel share,” suckers for believing it. weapons. from “unquestioning” to “almost said Jon Ben-David, analyst for Prime Minister Benjamin certain.” Bloomberg Media. “What we’re Netanyahu of Israel and U.S. However, Prime Minister seeing here may simply be splitting President Barack Obama both Netanyahu is putting a positive “This disagreement in policy is the strongest diplomatic row facing U.S.-Israel relations since the Carter administration. During those years, relations hit an all-time low when U.S. support for Israel went from ‘unquestioning’ to ‘almost certain. ’” told reporters in Washington that spin on the whole issue. force was certainly an option in “We thank you, President By Livia Turnbull, Contributor feed us from their tiny hands. I dealing with the Islamic Republic. Barack Obama, and indeed, would bite, but I’ve no teeth and However, while Netanyahu said the American people, for your Trapped in a rainy cage will to do so. The ones in training that Israel is “100 per cent ready” continued support for the Nation the raindrops find their will soon go into a yellow cage to use force, Obama was positively of Israel and democracy in our way through the holes that will transport them and their coy, saying that America was region,” Netanyahu said, reading in the mesh and hit me colourful plastic skin to a place. “somewhere between 90 or 95 per from a prepared statement. “We like a thousand missiles. cent” likely to attack Iran. feel that your nation is on the Soon, the handlers are gone The differences weren’t right track by proposing a series Still, this is nothing at all leaving me to gaze in this pool just limited to strategy; tactical of military actions leading to compared to the sorrow of water that has collected by disagreements existed as well. widespread destruction and ever present in my heart. my orange, webbed feet. I will. “Let me be clear: the U.S. is complete strategic victory, but we not willing to deny that we have are sure that, in time, you will see I live with others in this cage I will find a way out of this hellhole considered a targeted, powerful the need for armed conflict leading it stinks of piss, shit and old soon. strike against Iran, crippling their to indiscriminate damage and total food that has rotted away. “Eat” Because despite what the tag around military and destroying their practical victory.” the handlers say, forcing us to eat my nuclear facilities,” Obama told the He concluded by saying, “Our this awful seed. The ones in training, white, feathered, long neck tells me press gallery. “That said, we are methods may be very different, but are the worst of them all. They feed to see very apprehensive about Prime our goals are somewhat similar.” us this seed with force and they are my name is not Mr. Ducky Mallard Minister Netanyahu’s plan for a Policy analysts have taken note happy about it. Inane songs spring Quackers. precise strike against Iran, hobbling of this abrupt change in mutual from their tiny pink mouths as they 22 www.theotherpress.ca Humour Continued on pg.25

Your mother creates account on the Facebooks and the Twitters

Snobs derive great satisfaction ridiculing friends who give a shit about Joseph Kony scared shitless by Facebook campaign; surrenders to authorities Kony 2012 on Facebook

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