“Keep the Cat Free”

30/11/12 Issue 1533 felixonline.co.uk A ambition This week we have a reversible centrefold. That’s right, two for the price of one, which is free. Pages 19-22 Imperial teams on top Inside...>> TECH

Damn Library Level 4, people never shut up

Google music versus Spotify >>16

MUSIC

Imperial team “IC IC Crowd (get it?) win The perfect Crowd” in the top 3 Imperial scientists launch petition WaterAid prize Vaccines? >>25 Aemun Reza News Editor 30 hours to create solutions to real-life Niall Jeffrey Reporter complaints via online social media and challenged faced by the charities. Th e through letter writing. Th e accusa- teams then presented their solutions tory nature of the campaign chastises 83 technology students from 15 dif- to the judging panel and a winning A new government e-petition has re- the transport companies for being in- HANGMAN ferent Universities participated in team was selected for each charity and cently been launched in opposition to volved in the trade. J.P Morgan’s fi rst ever Tech Coding an overall winning team was also cho- the perceived growing eff ect that an Th e lobbying has had large eff ect on Challenge. 17 teams competed in this sen. Th e winning teams were given iP- animal rights activist campaign has the industry, with the campaign suc- Hackathon-style event that took place ads, Amazon vouchers and the oppor- had on the transport sector. Th e pe- ceeding in stopping the companies, in the headquarters of J.P. Morgan tunity to continue working with their tition urges the government to pro- one-by-one, from taking part in the in Canary Wharf. Th eir coding skills chosen charity and with J.P. Morgan’s tect the transportation of laboratory practice. British Airways stopped im- were put to the test as they used tech- ‘Tech for Social Good’ team to turn animals to halt the loss of vital medical porting laboratory animals early on. nology to choose and solve a social their solution into a reality. research. Th is is a response to the in- Th is was followed by large ferry opera- challenge presented by three leading Two teams from Imperial reached creased refusal by haulage companies tors P&O, SeaFrance, DFDS Seaways. charities: Centrepoint, WaterAid or the fi nal of the competition. One to import the animals from overseas It was revealed that earlier this year Th e Nature Conservancy. team, called the ‘IC Crowd’, had the due to increased lobbying by the activ- the last major ferry operator, Stena, has Th e 2-day event was staged in part- following Imperial students: Pamela ists’ campaign. also pulled out of the trade. Th is has Ruining a nice nership with J.P. Morgan’s Technology Cruz, Francesco Di Mauro, Michal Th e activists, in disagreement to the closed off all sea routes for the impor- for Social Good team that are based in Sipko, Michal Srb and Giulio Mecoc- testing of animals, allegedly began a tation of the animals. 34 5 dinner party >> . Th e teams worked for over ci. Th ey fi nished in the top three >> campaign of targeting hauliers with Peter Wright, a PhD student in >> 4 2 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER EDITOR’S PICKS 6 17 37 FEATURES >> TECH >> SPORT >> LCF review End of piracy? Hilarity ensues It’s always nice when people Music piracy is on the Sport reports are always hi- tweet at Felix. Well, some- decline now that it’s so larious to read. Sometimes times it’s nice. Here’s a re- cheap and easy to legally it’s the nicknames, some- view of last weekend that we get songs on a plethora of times it’s the idea that peo- were sent via Twitter. different options. ple can enjoy it (Triathlon!?).

CLASSIFIEDS Female flatmate wanted. Single room, Greyhound Ageing slowly road, Hammersmith. £160/week excl. bills.

Tidy female, non-smoker flatmate wanted to share a spacious, comfortable and immaculate 2 bedroom flat on Greyhound road with a very tidy, friendly and bubbly 3rd year med student. Very easy to get on with! Tim Arbabzadah

Single room, newly refurbished to a high standard, fully furnished bedroom Editor-in-Chief overlooking a quiet park. Includes a shared study area (large desk and swivel chair!), Kitchen/lounge area and recently redone bathroom. On the day of writing this I am turning At the age of about 19, being ID’d is plaint: the kids today spend all their time 23, and now probably need to become a basically tantamount to the person at messing about with silly, new technol- Local shops (Sainsbury’s, Tesco, Waitrose) 3 mins away, lots of places to eat terribly serious individual, or something the checkout slapping you in the face ogy, they deserve a good thrashing (and along Fulham palace road 5 mins away, 5 mins from CX hospital,8 mins form like that. I say this because that is what with a baby’s bottle and telling you to not in the kinky way). Answer: you were Barons Court (District and Piccadilly lines), 10 mins form Hammersmith sta- happens as you get older: you become go back to mummy. The second the exact same as them. It’s just the tion (District, Circle, Piccadilly and Hammersmith and City lines) all grown up and proper. You use words 21 rolls around, you start trying to talk technology has changed. What seems Other local buses include 190, 211, 220, 295, N11, N97, 424, 430, 74, N74 like “whom”, have food that has been loudly about upcoming SATs in a bid to to you to be acceptable technology to “drizzled” with olive oil, and listen to BBC make someone ask you for proof of age. obsess over is just old news to the kids £160/week excluding bills – which will be shared equally between the two Radio 4. Admittedly, I love things driz- Of course, when actually asked, you today. It used to be a TV that everyone of us. zled in olive oil, but that’s not exactly my always have fake “I was drinking bad would want, now it’s the latest iPhone. Available now point. I won’t bore you too much with a white wine since before you were born There’s no way that in a column of “never let the inner child shrivel and die” son” indignance. this size I can go into as much depth as type spiel, but I really think it needs to be The strangest thing that happens as I would like to on this subject; there’s For more information or to arrange a viewing, text me on 07952503799, or said. I feel like nowadays a lot of people the years roll on is that you lose touch defi nitely no way that I can protect my- email [email protected]. just take life, themselves, and every- with your former generation. You for- self from the internet hatred by arguing thing in between a little bit too seriously. get who you used to be. You start be- everything in a nuanced and carefully Birthdays are usually fun, if not spent ing confused by younger generations deconstructing way. Therefore, I will feverishly trying to fi nish and compile and start to distort and twist memories just ask every single reader of this text LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: Finding these is a perk of the job a paper on time (as this one is for me). of who and what you were at that age. to think about one thing. I’ll assume However, there is the slightly morbid The amount of people saying “oh, the you’re all at university: what is the latest sense of “yay, I’m one year older! Uhoh, youfs are terrible” is a testament to how craze that 10 year old kids are in to? Can I’m ONE YEAR OLDER. I’M SO OLD”. you forget what you were like. Perhaps you answer it? Remember crazes: pogs, For me, it’s not too bad... yet. I’ll start young people today have become a Pokémon, football stickers, Aliens that the tantrums about my age when my bit worse than before. Or, maybe, they could “mate to produce children” (they NatWest Young Person’s Railcard runs are just as rowdy etc but in a different couldn’t by the way)? I can’t say what out. That’s the moment when you know way to how you remember being crazy. it is. Think about what that means: you you’re really an old person. Then again, What seems like straight up debauch- are technically out of touch with them. I’ve stopped being ID’d when buying al- ery to you now, may not actually be as So next time you think an older per- cohol, so that’s a bad sign already. bad as what you did. In fact, it may not son is just out of touch, remember that It’s funny how when you get older even be that different, but you’re just we all are in a way. Don’t shout at them you fl ip round with your younger self. misremembering (usually caused by an for being ”ancient”, help them regain When you’re younger, it’s cool to write affl iction know as rose-tinteditis), or you touch. I’ll leave you with that, now I need evrythng lyk dis izn’t it. When you hit are unable to draw parallels as their cul- to celebrate my birthday by updating 6th form, that’s suddenly really lame. ture seems so alien. E.g. Common com- the website. I’m living like a rock star.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2012. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Tim Arbabzadah Deputy Editor Saskia Verhagen Assistant Editor Matt Colvin News Editors Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud Features Editors Caroline Wood, Stephen Smith Business Editor Deepka Rana Science Editors Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett Politics Editors Padraic Calpin, Marie-Laure Hicks Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti Comment Editors George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson Fashion Editors Alex Ramadan, Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang Arts Editors Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Music Editors Mark , Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Television Editor Lucia Podhorska Film Editors Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles Games Editor Ross Webster Technology Editor Jason Parmar Coffee Break Boss Matt Colvin Travel Editor Veronika McQuade Sports Editors Oli Benton, Sorcha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky Online Editors Philip Kent, Jonathan Kim Puzzles Commanders Louisa Byrne, Sotirios Karamitsos Copy Chief Annina Sartor Copy Editors Al Norman, Matt Allinson, Christopher Witham Illustrators Hamish Muir, Outi Supponen, Lizzy Griffiths CONFERENCE Park Lane Hotel, Mayfair, London 15.12.12 3rd CONFERENCE 2 STREAMS 1 FUTURE

college

FOR MORE INFO VISIT: WWW.NFWCONFERENCE.COM FACEBOOK.COM/NFWCONFERENCE 4 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

News Editors: Aemun NEWS Reza, Nida Mahmud [email protected] Revenge of the hacks

Joe Letts Reporter ucation, stating “…we have ventured from learning valuable skills that would normally help us be prepared in Th is may be old news to some, but life, to just, simply memorizing large at the start of term, the databases of chunks of text in exchange for good several universities worldwide were grades”, something I’m sure some stu- hacked. Called “Project WestWind” dents may identify with at time. After Underwater club, containing some according the manifesto of “Team the statement of their cause, Team names, logins and email addresses of Ghost Shell” (http://pastebin.com/ Ghost Shell provide a list of links to members and administrators. Why AQWhu8Ek) the system intrusions the compromised databases, includ- they picked on RSS Underwater is were a protest about changes in mod- ing universities such as Harvard, John unknown, but this does highlight the ern education, both in terms of ris- Hopkins, and Imperial. Using the only need for a stronger focus on informa- ing tuition fees. Th ey also describe a working link for Imperial takes you to tion security as we increase our daily change in the usefulness of higher ed- a page fi lled with data from the RCC reliance on technology. Research halted?

continued from the front page Knowledge of the animals’ specifi c >> strain is essential in many areas of re- Functional Microscopy at the Imperial search and often only certain strains, Centre for Experimental and Transla- such as genetically engineered mice, tional Medicine in the Hammersmith are required for experiment. Research- Campus, set up the online petition. ers claim that if they unable to get the “Th is [the actions of the hauliers] was required animals the UK will be unable in response to lobbying by the anti-viv- to stay at the forefront of biomedical isectionist movement. In the UK there research and, in the long term, new is a still a great deal of fear surround- medical expertise will be damaged and ing animal rights extremists. Th is is patients will suff er. largely unfounded now but lobbying Genetically modifi ed mice, for exam- by groups such as BUAV (British union ple, are useful in drugs testing and un- of Anti-Vivisectionists) was enough to derstanding the mechanics of illness. make the companies think twice,” he A large proportion of research being told Felix. damaged includes that into cancer and “Support for animal research in the Alzheimers. UK is still reasonably high (although Former Science Minister (2008- this has begun to fall). Th e actions of 2010), Lord Drayson has said, “By giv- anti-vivisectionist groups have there- ing in to the protesters they [the hauli- fore had the eff ect of slowing the rate ers] are inadvertently choking off vital and increasing the costs of UK medical research into some of the most debili- research.” tating diseases aff ecting our society.” He hopes the petition will persuade Th e campaign for resumption of ani- government to convince hauliers to re- mal transportation is currently being commence transporting the required supported by Understanding Animal laboratory animals. Aims also include Research, Speaking of Research and having the government provide better academics from numerous institutions, “encouragement, advice and protec- including the Royal Veterinary College. tion” to the companies in question. More explicit support from the institu- Recently, only 1% of the animals tions themselves is expected in the very used in laboratory experiments were near future. imported from outside the UK, how- Th e government e-petition can be ever this small fraction is essential in found at epetitions.direct.gov.uk/peti- research. Th e 1% from abroad comes tions/40111 from specialist breeding facilities, gen- And the campaign’s website is keep- erally found in Europe. researchafl oat.org FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 5

News Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud NEWS [email protected]

Clubs with Wordpress sites need Prize winners to upgrade or be hacked... intense >> continued from the front page Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief that is found to be outdated. It is only The IC Crowd and/ re-instated when it has been declared and were the winners of the ‘Wat- or an amazing clean and the club has upgraded the erAid’ prize. Th ey produced an inno- RomCom promo shot Imperial clubs with old Wordpress software. Since starting the weekly no- vative data visualization solution for sites are vulnerable to attack from tifi cations a large number of clubs have WaterAid, which is a charity aiming to hackers. already upgraded their installations provide safe, clean water to the world’s A number of the Clubs and Socie- and Kent says the Union are “well on poorest people. ties at Imperial College Union have our way to fully resolving this prob- Mike Smith and Joe Downie from been running outdated versions of lem”. WaterAid commented saying: “Th e Wordpress, which leaves them open to Kent said that they have “switched J.P. Morgan team created a fantastic attack. Th e problem is easily fi xed by every site (except those which use cus- opportunity to engage and challenge simply keeping installations up to date tom domains) over to use SSL for all top university students for some really when asked to update (those annoying access; which, while this will not stop worthwhile causes – it was great being “UPDATE NOW OR ELSE” boxes). these kinds of attacks, it will prevent a part of it!” Th e actual number of clubs that have some of the results of what is done Th e other Imperial team, called ‘Re- been attacked seems to be small. Th e to people’s websites. For example, on curret’ included Julian Sutherland, Al- Union Sys Admin, Philip Kent, said one website, the attackers modifi ed exandru Paunoiu, Razvan Marinescu, that they are “making sure everyone the templates so that it displays what Shahin Mir and Niklas Hambuechen. updates so it doesn’t happen again.” He is called an iframe (embedding a web- Th ey fi nished in the top 6 and created added that all old Wordpress sites were site inside a website). Because we now a sophisticated and highly engaging not necessarily attacked. He added that run under SSL, unless the website in- awareness raising solution for Th e Na- Wordpress is not the “only expoitable side the iframe is also running under ture Conservancy, which is a charity pieve of software” saying that “other SSL, web browsers will often complain that develops ecological-preservation software has security holes too, but we or refuse to show the contents of the solutions around the world. are targeting Wordpress on the basis frame, which may prevent showing of Andrew Courtney from Th e Nature Nah, I swear, Apple that it is widely used on club websites, undesirable content. Th e same is true Conservancy said: “Overall the week- Maps will let me know and it has a poorer track record for be- if they try to load external images or end exceeded my expectations: the where I am REALLY soon ing secure [than other software]”. JavaScript.” students were top-notch and came At the moment, it would appear that Th ey are also working on a way to up with several creative solutions; the content of the websites were al- make upgrading easier, but are yet to the event itself was well designed and tered but no sensitive information was complete it. Th ere is a guide on the gave the students and charities plenty compromised. SysAdmin website (http://union.ic.ac. of opportunities to interact. Th e en- Th e problem will be minimised by uk/sysadmin), which describes how to tire event was a great opportunity for immediately turning off a Wordpress upgrade TNC to work with highly talented stu- dents and rapidly prototype numer- ous solutions to an ongoing challenge Sponsored Editorial we’ve faced. “ Sandeep Saksena, Chief Invest- ment Offi cer of EMEA Markets Tech Strategies, stated that “J.P. Morgan More student cuts has prided itself in being one of the top technology fi rms out there, and bringing together top students from our universities, directed by the so- Discount haircuts for Imperial cial responsibilities that we as a fi rm strongly believe in.” students at Fresh Hairdressers near South Kensington tube

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Features Editors: Stephen Smith, FEATURES Caroline Wood [email protected] Just the right Climate James Beioley reviews the London Climate Forum

he London Climate Fo- exuberance and clear passion. Crowd- rum, in short, is a fasci- funding is his game and he knows nating and cutting-edge what he’s doing when it comes to Tforum which anybody in- money in the renewable sphere. He set terested in climate change the scene with a succinct analysis of and sustainability, and even those who the recent Arab Spring motion: “Has aren’t, should endeavour to get in- anybody made the connection with volved with. climate change and the Arab Spring? I For those not clued up on this pro- have – it’s the fi rst climate revolution” ject, let me provide a brief summary. was his punchline piece, detailing how Th e London Climate Forum is an en- burnt-out Russian crops leading to tirely student-led conference based rising food prices had more than likely within Imperial College, and is the been the trigger for the pouring over biggest in London, and quite possibly of a boiling pot of repression in the the country. It runs over just Saturday Middle East. and Sunday, but off ers up some seri- sees the value in our online ous clout with its multiple leading connected world, and has begun uti- thinkers in the world of sustainability, lising it to kickstart renewable projects all of whom grasp the opportunity to worldwide, with the investing public reach out to the new generation of not only receiving sizable, and more green ‘ecowarriors’ in an attempt to importantly reliable, returns (10-15% inspire the next big thing(s). was oft-quoted) but having the knowl- Th e Forum’s goal? To speak directly edge they had directly helped build a to those who are on the frontier of wind turbine or solar farm somewhere Mark Lynas and David MacKay: just the climate agenda whilst entertain- it is needed; think ‘Kickstarter’ but like Laurel and Hardy, Morecambe ing the chance that the solutions we with a renewable twist. and Wise, Keenan and Kel, you know, desperately seek may be nurtured Mark Lynas, the infamously contro- all the famous double acts within its walls. It’s a modest goal to versial but brilliant author of multiple say the least… and one which was in climate-related books and Guardian full swing this weekend as the Forum columns combined his views with the was expertly carried out. Th is is just deep technical knowledge of Prof. Da- some of those insightful talks which vid MacKay of Cambridge, author of as James Cameron (not that one), that we eff ectively make nothing with associated. scratched the surface of our sustain- Sustainable Energy: Without the Hot Founder and non-executive Chairman a British stamp on it, but James ar- “You can ask any engineer to design able future. Air, a book I urge everybody to read, of Climate Change Capital, member gues diff erently. He picked up on the you a low-carbon energy system and to produce what was a hysterical but of GE’s ecomagination board, advi- automotive industry, our passion for they could do it today without issue; Day One adept analysis of our future UK en- sor to government and so much more Formula 1, and our immense techni- it’s just the cost which stops us” was Th e fi rst day was mostly focused on ergy mix. Using DECC’s innovative opened with some powerfully simple cal prowess in the materials sector. By Nigel’s message to us all, and one that the present; what the current climate energy calculator, the two plugged in notions. Sustainability is only going to combining these powerhouses of busi- strikes at the very of the prob- is doing, why it is doing this, what various parameters determining how work if it is beautiful – “nobody ever ness in new and sustainable ways, with lem. However, it wasn’t left at that, we are currently (mostly not) doing many solar panels here and how many feels punished standing in a green and those young fresh-faced ideas behind and as any good climate panel should to mitigate it, and how business is EVs there (amongst 40 other options), energy-effi cient building”. His follow it, the idea of the UK being dead in the it was argued fervently by Jeremy that adapting. Two eminent and, I’m sure with the audience as an opinion poll, up point – green looks good the ma- water on green issues is all but blown it is the social and political willingness they wouldn’t mind me saying this, in their attempts to bring 2050 emis- jority of the time, even if you subscribe away. which is truly acting as the fi nal nail. highly outspoken campaigners fi lled sions levels to 80% of 1990 records, to the belief that wind turbines are Anne Lise Kjaer went on to describe We need more guts, more action and the morning, in the form of Tony Juni- the ‘safe’ zone. ugly, and we feel good being around our disconnection with improving our more aggressive approaches if we are per and Tom Burke, the latter part of Th ey ran over, and we barely got it them. It’s an undeniable truth, and not quality of living and instead focusing to bulldoze down the barriers in our a panel who, combined with the fi nished, but the hilarity which en- something just reserved for the techy on more more more, whilst a talk on way. Director of our very own Grantham sued from Mark’s quick and clever geeks. sustainable city planning explained Oh, and Jeremy also compared what Institute, painted a rather desperate comments and the astounding ambi- Innovation, infrastructure and infor- how green our 2012 Olympics really Osborne and his Treasury are doing picture of a story we all have unfortu- ent knowledge of David provided a mation were his three key in-need-of- set out to be (and subsequently were). right now in their blind love for shale nately come to know intimately. spectacle I, and I believe many oth- improvement areas, all of them arising Contaminated land was rejuvenated, gas as tantamount to treason... I am in Th e world is warming, we’re respon- ers, could have watched for hours. from his work within the UK, but un- ecologies sustained and innovative some ways inclined to agree. sible, 6oC is looking increasingly likely, It would seem the only thing that doubtedly applicable many times over new building techniques such as re- To round it all off , our resident Pro- and, all in all, politicians and society went truly wrong was the choice not elsewhere. Our infrastructure sucks, movable seating ‘wings’ on the Swim- fessor Lord Robert Winston brought a are doing sweet FA to even try fi xing to include any nuclear in the future there’s no two ways of saying it, but if ming Centre were employed, all within measure of class unlike any other, and it, despite science’s wild fl apping of mix, an apparent audience decision we smarten it up in the endless ways a surprisingly tight budget. One struc- proceeded to highlight how we must arms and screaming in their collec- which shocked me and multiple oth- we could, we could become a leader in ture went as far as being deconstruct- be cautious of progress if we are to tive faces. Trewin Restorick, CEO of ers. “Dear God. Why did I allow it?” green energy worldwide, almost over- ed and shipped to Rio for the next fully grasp its achievements and drive the Global Action Plan and the third Mark later tweeted to me, a sentiment night. Olympics in a masterclass of recycling our society forwards. He left us with a speaker of the trio bittersweetly de- I wholeheartedly agree with. Right now, though, business regula- I personally have never seen before. sense of there coming a journey ahead, livered this when he stated how obvi- tions just aren’t setup to accommodate As the fi nal day drew to a close, Jer- which will be simultaneously challeng- ously blind the UK government is to new players in the market, those that emy Leggett, Professor Nigel Brandon ing, depressing, at times catastrophic, be ignoring PWC, a company he sar- Day Two bring innovation to the table and un- and Dr Ling Ge tackled the future of but all the while rewarding, a journey castically described as “known for its Sunday was a day where futurists and dermine the outdated and bullish ‘Big energy mixes and the technology we of which those fully invested in the no- eco-radical behaviour”. Th at got some ‘blue-sky’ thinkers could relish in their Six’. If we can let go of this thinking, could see directing us on a cleaner tion of climate change are the pioneers educated laughs. study of trends and solutions for the who knows what fantastic new devel- path, such as space-age battery stor- striving onwards. It’s a feeling sorely Th e Trillion Fund was next on the coming 30 years, a day for ‘what hap- opments could become the norm. It’s age, Solar Century PV projects and missing in much of the worldly debate, agenda, with Michael Stein, Founder pens next’. fairly common to hear that the UK has hydrogen deployment, as well as the and one we as a society desperately re- and Director taking the stage, with Th e morning keynote set the scene, no real manufacturing base anymore, broader cost and social complications quire. everynation.co.uk

SUNDAYS ACTIVITY SPACE 1

Free café – 5:30 8 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Imperial Cinema introduce the return of the All-Nighter

So it’s coming up to that time without stewing themselves of year again when merri- in coffee. Well we’ve got you ment and joy fi ll the air in covered with tea, coffee and anticipation for that magical all you can eat food, think winter tradition…Of staying of it as our Christm.. I mean up all night watching the lat- Cinema dinner. est fi lms, after all there’s no If it’s only Daniel Craig or other special occasions com- Emma Watson that gets your ing up this time of year. motor running, then why Tickets: For the whole night £10 online What is this magical winter not just come for the one Lineup: (£12 on the door) warmer of an event you ask? fi lm, but be honest would Imperial Cinema provides six you really say no to both of All you can eat hot food and fi lms back-to-back for you to them? 6.00pm Looper tea/coffee sit back and relax too, while So come down to Union 8:30pm Skyfall showing off your skills of in- with a friend or two and Individual fi lms £3 each on the somnia that only an Imperial huddle up watching fi lms to- 11.15pm The Perks Of Being A Wallflower door student can really master. gether like penguins during 1.30am Madagascar 3 But hang on a minute you this chilly season, because 3.30am Lawless Drinks available all night cour- proclaim, not even an im- you known penguins would tesy of the Union bar perial student can survive do it if they had a cinema. 5.45am The Cabin In The Woods Tickets.imperialcinema.co.uk FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 9

Science Editors: Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett SCIENCE [email protected] Farming for the future Jennifer Mitchell discusses how climate change will impact farming

ecently, I overheard living in cities it makes a lot of sense two students in the Li- to grow food there as well.” Commu- brary Café discussing Agriculture: “The nity and rooftop gardens will reduce R the potential eff ects of the amount of miles that our food climate change on what travels and subsequently the amount we eat. “Could you imagine? I mean biggest environmental of greenhouse gasses produced in its fi sh and bananas, yuk!” Th ey were transport. referring to a recent news article pro- problem on the planet” Watching what we eat is also going posing that climate change will aff ect to be an important factor in reducing our crop production to the extent that the eff ects of agriculture on our envi- we will have to start replacing the po- ronment. Eating less meat is certainly tato in our diet with bananas. I didn’t a way to consume less fossil fuels think any more of this conversation whilst also feeding more of the Earth’s until the next morning when I opened the paper to the headline “Climate change threatens coff ee crops”. Clear- ly this is not a good week for food. Urban food Forget the displacement of millions of people, an increase in severe weather events and the associated loss of life. systems: us- Losing 60% of our coff ee? Now that’s serious. ing community Certainly, agriculture was a reoc- Numerous solutions, curring theme at the London Climate Forum, which was hosted on Imperi- and rooftop al’s campus last weekend. Agriculture but they need to be will not only be severely aff ected by implemented ASAP “gardens to re- duce the miles For every ONE globalgiants.com not without doing untold damage to Whilst a lack of coff ee may seem food systems which are set to change food has to kcal of food the environment anyway. trivial in comparison to world hunger due to global warming, as pointed out Th ere is one huge problem that we — and let’s make no bones about it, by Trewin Restorick, the CEO of inde- have in trying to combat this. By 2050 it is — the loss of coff ee production pendent environmental charity Glob- travel we produce the world’s population is predicted to serves to highlight serious knock-on al Action Plan. In a speech discussing grow to around 9 billion, an increase eff ects that climate change is likely the current state of climate change we consume of 2 billion people over the next forty to have on global agriculture. And it’s and sustainability he proposed that years. Hunger and malnutrition are more serious than a lack of morning businesses around the Indian Ocean population. We already produce still the number one risks to human caff eine fi x. Th e export of coff ee is are having to adapt to the eff ect that enough food to feed roughly 11 billion NINE kcals of health worldwide, posing a greater crucial to the economies of countries climate change is having upon marine people, so considering that the world “ threat to human life than AIDS, ma- such as Brazil and Ethiopia. So, the life. As the ocean is warming tuna are is home to around 7 billion people we laria and tuberculosis combined. In fact that coff ee is a highly climate-de- swimming lower down in the ocean should have enough food right? But fossil fuel fact, as I am writing this article there pendent crop means that an increase and are consequently more diffi cult to the fact is we don’t. Many of the crops are at least 925 million undernour- in global temperature of just a few de- catch. Whilst this may be good news that we grow end up feeding livestock ished people in the world. We can’t grees could put the livelihood of the for tuna, it certainly isn’t good news instead of people. Not” only does this even seem to feed the world’s popu- millions of people that grow and pro- for a number of global economies. mean that we still have starving peo- climate change but it is also a major lation as it stands, let alone 2 billion duce it at serious risk. It’s not all bad though; there are so- ple in the world, it also considerably contributor to the warming of our more. Crops aren’t the only aspect of our lutions that could help us to feed more contributes to climate change. Rough- planet in the fi rst place. At least 30% people whilst also doing less harm to ly 25 times more energy is required Sonali Campion of global greenhouse gas emissions our environment. After all, the objec- to produce one calorie of beef than come from agriculture; for every one tive of the London Climate Forum was to produce one calorie of corn. With kcal of food we produce we consume not to cast gloom and doom but in- roughly 2 billion more people to feed nine kcals of fossil fuel. stead challenge us to think about the by 2050, it’s time we started reconsid- Speaking at the forum Duncan ways in which climate change can be ering our global food system. Williamson, senior” policy advisor prevented and ultimately overcome. So, as much as I jest about the pros- for food at the World Wildlife Fund Th is is where a talk given by Duncan pect of a life without coff ee, and I’ll be (WWF), described agriculture as “the Williamson (senior policy advisor for honest I’m still reeling from that one, biggest environmental problem on food at the WWF) and Ed Dowling London Climate Forum was a serious the planet” and stated that “the global (Founder of Sustaination) provided statement. Th at our press should need food system is doing untold damage to some valuable insight. In fact, the to threaten us with coff ee withdrawal our environment”. It is true that many good news is that there are too many and chips made from bananas to get farming practices are huge contribu- possible solutions to write about in us to engage with climate change is tors to the build-up of greenhouse this article. One solution that seems absurd. Fittingly, as I fi nish this arti- gasses in the atmosphere. Add to this particularly interesting, especially to cle the newspaper sports a picture of the amount of carbon released when us London-residing students, is the climate change protesters in St An- Imperial LeoSoc really has forests are cleared to make room for creation of urban food systems. As Ed drews. Th ey hold a sign reading “Na- gone downhill recently... farmland and it’s clear that we cannot pointed out, “when you’ve got more ture doesn’t do bailouts”. Time to re- sustain our current farming methods, than 50% of the world’s population focus on climate change? I think so. 10 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, ARTS Meredith Thomas [email protected] Dead reckoning

Why work? Instead, doodle all lecture long and then send us your drawings to [email protected]. This doodle was done by in Giulia Zerbini during plastic electronics . Naked charity skydive goes horribly wrong

Fred Fyles Writer cht. In this work, which is dripping with closely guarded aspect of medical train- symbolism, skulls are placed alongside ing: the dissection of corpses for study. blooming fl owers, and delicate soap bub- Th is dichotomy between the liv- Death. It is a bit of a downer is it not? We bles represent the fragility of life. ing and the dead continues as the next spend our entire lives trying to escape Th e exhibition continues to explore room explores how the dead are com- the shadow of the reaper, constantly re- the various facets of death in this way, memorated around the world. A beau- minded of our own mortality. Th e ticking presenting it not as a hollow, cadaverous tiful selection of works, which are by The Changeling @ The Young Vic – Written by Thomas Middleton when Elizabeth clock, wilting fl owers, it all emphasizes entity, but rather something very much turns wickedly funny and deeply mov- I was on the throne, this tragi-comedy would, in all likelihood, be given a cold re- how little time we have left on this planet. alive. Puppets from the US, and Tibetan ing, show how death is approached in ception by the (apparently) prudish Elizabeth II. The Young Vic’s ‘arty’ production But death is also a fascination for human- woodcuts look at the role of death in diff erent cultures. Vivid photographs does little favour to the words but there is much to like in its macabre humour. ity; we obsess about the idea of what lies music, focussing on the Danse Macabre, of Day of the Dead celebrations, during From £10. Now - 22 December. beyond with a kind of morbid curiosity, the artistic idea that death unites all. In which spirits are welcomed into the af- and no-one represents this attitude bet- frenzied paintings skeletons of kings ca- terlife, contrast with the set of European Jinlge Belles @ Resistance Galley – In this group show, Britian’s leading pin-up ter than Richard Harris. An American vort with paupers, and corpses jive to postcards from the early 20th Century, artist will be putting thier work on sale. Featuring ivintage oil on canvas, digital art collector, Harris has been collecting unheard music. Following this humor- which show kissing couples metamor- painting ad 3D modelling. 6th December works related to death for the last decade, ous interlude we are presented with the phosing into grinning skulls. A par- and now has close to 1500 pieces in his idea of ‘Violent Death’, a series of works ticular favourite of mine was the series Christmas Fête @ The Royal College of Art – Students from the RCA will be selling collection of macabre curiosities. It is this exploring war and suff ering. Superb of pictures by Marcos Raya, a Mexican art and design pieces, which will make for original and, crucially, affordable pre- collection which forms the basis of the etchings by Goya show in vivid detail the artist who takes vintage portraits and sents! There will also be a pop up cafe for those who prefer the immediate pleas- Wellcome Collection’s latest exhibition, torture and abuse faced by the Spanish in paints skulls over peoples faces; instead ures of festive sweets. 6 - 9 December. Visit http://rcachristmasfete.tumblr.com entitled Death: A Self-portrait, which is the early stages of Napoleon’s invasion; of seeing a smiling couple at the alter, a for more information. by turns depressing, horrifying, and up- alongside Otto Dix’s brutal depictions pair of gurning skeletons turns to face lifting. of the First World War in his Der Krieg us. Th ey do possess a dark humour, but Julius Caesar @ The Donmar Warehouse – Eagerly anticipated, this production of Th e exhibition begins with works con- series, these works present Death as a also remind us of the inevitable presence Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar features an all-female cast hungering for corrupting templating death, a selection of memento warlord, triumphantly overseeing the of death in our lives. power. Tickets from £10 front row (check out Barclays front row offers). 30 No- mori exploring the complex relationship massacre of both soldiers and civilians. Th is show sets out with the inten- vember - 9 February. we have with death. Japanese sculptures Th e following room focuses on the tion of looking death square in the face, of snakes slithering through skulls are relationship between Freud’s theories but death doesn’t have a face, it doesn’t juxtaposed with prints warning against of Eros, the life drive, and Th anatos, the have a motive; it is simply an event that leading a sinful life. Th e Victorian idea death drive, or the tendency of people to everyone observes, but no-one actually of a ‘good death’ is explored here: those go towards death and destruction. Th e experiences fi rst hand. What this collec- who have lived in a godly, sin-free man- works show the obsession humanity has tion actually does is explore humanity’s ner would greet death like a friend, while with death; like footage of an accident, we attachment to death, and in some sense those who have been greedy will try want to look away, but we just can’t. One the human condition as well, resulting and stave the reaper off for as long as work from around 1900, entitled When in a show which may be morbid, but is possible before succumbing, terrifi ed, Shall We Meet Again?, portrays a group ultimately inspiring. On this occasion, into the abyss. Th e highlight of this sec- of medical students standing around a death isn’t necessarily a downer. tion is the selection of exquisite still-life fl ayed cadaver, its skin peeled back and paintings, including a marvellous piece muscles exposed. It provided an insight At the Wellcome Collection. Until 24th by the Dutch painter Adriaen van Utre- into what had – up until then – been a February. Free entry. FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 11

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas ARTS [email protected] Earthshatteringly good Oluwatosin Ajayi reviews DramSoc’s Earthquakes in London

arthquakes in London is a lacking the resources of the National play that could so easily go Th eatre, Dramsoc comes up with an wrong. With (brief) nu- innovative contraption of their own, Don’t look so Edity, temporal shifts (the the most prominent feature of which disappointed, a narrative jumps around is a ramped runway that ends up half 3rd from Imperial between 1928 and 2525) and philo- way down the Union Concert Hall, is still good sophical passages on the doomed seemingly thrusting the audience into nature of man due to his treatment the action. Th e staging also allows for of the earth, it is tailor made to fulfi ll some ‘3D’ stage arrangements with every “it’s all symbolic, innit” cliché of action taking place in another plane student drama. to what regular theatregoers will be It is a great credit to Dramsoc’s pro- used to. duction of Mike Bartlett’s 2010 play Th e production is technically com- that it avoids that. plex and engaging, and comes across Th e original production premiered as a multimedia mashup, with atmos- at the National Th eatre, and the pheric lighting that eff ectively leads story is built around three sisters, you through what to follow on stage, daughters of renowned Climate sci- impressive sound design that sur- entist Robert Crannock, who is now rounds you and doesn’t stop through- a climate change doom monger af- out the show and video sequences, a ter spending his younger days as an particular stand out being an ultra- advocate for airline companies and sound of Freya’s unborn child, com- watched out for. the rhythms and emphases of the tors to deliver something light to al- their expansion. Th e daughters, Sa- plementing the action on stage. Of the principal characters, Giulia dialogue, missing a lot of the humour leviate proceedings. rah, a Lib Dem cabinet minister in Th e action on stage is slightly men- Zerbini is a revealing fi t as a Whiny and depth originally intended in the A highly recommended evening out the Coalition Government, Freya, tal, with so much going on it’s a credit Teenage boy, who has a crucial role script. It’s like the actors don’t under- at the theatre, and a show that you can a heavily pregnant house wife, and to director James Perry that you can to play in the plot; Roxanne Middle- stand the motivations and thought pay a compliment without just seem- Jasmine, a hedonistic student who’s still follow the story. Very often, dif- ton performs a brilliant and brave processes of characters many years ing polite. Th ere is plenty to enjoy and been kicked out of university are es- ferent scenes overlap and at one point burlesque routine as the hedonistic older than they are. Which leads to marvel at and also a lot you might not tranged from him. Th e play uses their I counted four taking place at the same Jasmine, and most people at Imperial some moments, sometimes whole get after seeing the play once, but if family dynamics to cover such wide time. You could very easily watch will see something prescient in the scenes, falling fl at and seeming one you are too cash strapped/busy par- ranging issues as the relationship be- something else besides the currently idealistic young PhD student played noted, making the overriding message tying/stuck in the library to go see it tween government, big business and lit scene and the cast do an amazing by Chris Witham, who has his sci- of the play one of impending doom. more than once, just tell yourself “It’s science, the wisdom of bringing chil- job of staying in character even when entifi c principles and ends up Th is the production communicates all symbolic innit?” For the rest of dren into a seemingly doomed world, the spotlight is not on them. as a jaded, embittered, cynical and eff ectively, especially when focus- you, see it with friends, you are likely and our role as humans in destroying Th e large supporting cast do well emotionally distant retired Professor ing on the character of Freya (Grace going to want to dissect it afterwards. the environment with a hefty dose of playing a variety of roles, helped by played by Kristen Farebrother. Surman), who gradually gets more family melodrama thrown in for good costumes that make it clear when An immersive, thought provok- freaked out about having a baby in a Dramsoc’s Earthquakes in London has measure. an actor has moved on and is now ing and at times worrying produc- world that her father has predicted two more performances on Friday the Th e original production won plau- ‘someone else’. A particularly striking tion, there is nevertheless a feeling is doomed to destruction, but every 30th November and Saturday 1st De- dits for it’s stage design and, though Stepford Wives sequence should be that some of the cast don’t quite get now and then, you do wish for the ac- cember. Tickets are £6 on the door. Dancing through a Revue

Gareth Campbell Writer numbers have a completely diff erent cottoned on and are now able to per- to spend four minutes looking at Su- and tenuous story around them. production team to the others. Would form the fantastically energetic and san Boyle’s face. Seeing the incredible energy (and the show hold together, let alone hold girly “OMG You Guys!” from Legally Th ey suitably end on an emotional cheesy grins) of the new members When I attended a run-through of up to previous productions? Blonde: Th e Musical with fourteen, number from Ragtime featuring the makes me wish I had joined MTSoc MTSoc’s new production, Dancing Th ey begin with the opening num- yes fourteen, females! Th is increased whole cast. From this song it is easy back in my fi rst year. It’s hard to see Th rough Life, none of them suspected bers from the critically acclaimed Th e ratio has meant they have not needed to see how Alicia Kearns earned the fun these guys have on stage and that I was in fact a theatre critic in dis- Book of Mormon, which is just about to resort to gay kissing like last year. her nickname ‘Sassy F***’. Her silky not feel jealous! I am honoured that guise. Th is was probably because I oc- to hit the West End. Back in March, Talking of gay kissing, after spend- smooth alto voice emphatically ends they have asked me back to play key- casionally make a somewhat convinc- MTSoc attempted to put on the whole ing the summer playing a character the show in style. boards with them now I have gradu- ing keyboard player. So convincing musical with just 24 hours notice. For- described as ‘James Dean in an old Last year’s successful revue show ated and look forward to sharing the I’m actually playing in the show next tunately they have put more practice folks home’, veteran performer Phil Charming only required a few lyric limelight with them next week. week. None-the-less I had my critic’s into the songs this time around and Raymond must be feeling his age with changes to make a believable story, hat on as I settled down to watch the have even managed to synchronise so many fresh faces surrounding him. but with such a random assortment of ‘Dancing Th rough Life’ runs Monday performers for the fi rst time. the miming of pushing buttons with Fortunately, despite his advanced songs this year I was initially worried 3rd – Wednesday 5th December in the Featuring a diverse range of songs doorbell sounds – genius! If anything years, his Top G never fails to send that MTSoc would attempt the same Union Concert Hall. Doors open at from Tim Minchin, Wicked and even goes wrong, though, no doubt a cer- shivers down my spine as he dem- thing again. I struggled to think of a 7pm, show starts at 7:30pm. It is com- High School Musical, this was an am- tain keyboard player will be taken onstrates in ‘El Tango de Roxanne’ situation where Mormons and witches pletely FREE and donations to ICU bitious project from the start. Made backstage and shot. from Moulin Rouge. Another personal would go hand in hand but thankfully RAG Save the Children will be much worse by the fact that most of the cast It has long been known to the aver- highlight is listening to ‘I Dreamed a they have treated this year’s revue as appreciated. are freshers, most of the directors age Imperial male that this term brings Dream’ from Les Mis sung beautifully a medley of musical theatre numbers are new to directing, and most of the with it American girls. MTSoc have but without the compromise of having rather than trying to force a contrived Oh, and, turn to the Centrefold... 12 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Politics Editors: Padraic Calpin POLITICS Marie-Laure Hicks [email protected] ‘Wrong man in the dock’? – Media and War

A weekend of Stop the War ACTIVITIES ABC

Kelly Ameneshoa Writer insulting words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour 3) It is a defence for the accused to n Friday 16th prove- November, Haringey a) Th at he had no reason to believe Magistrates Court that there was any person within Owas the inconspicuous hearing or sight who was likely to be location for the trial of caused harassment, alarm or distress, David Lawley-Wakelin. Mr Lawley- or Wakelin memorably interrupted Tony c) Th at his conduct was reasonable Blair with cries of “Th is man should Th is must be balanced with article be arrested for war crimes” while 10 of the European Convention on the former Prime Minster was giving Human Rights which grants everyone evidence at the Leveson enquiry. the freedom of expression subject Following the combined eff orts of to restrictions as ascribed by law. two policemen he was arrested under Th is negotiation led to some comical Section 5 of the Public Order Act. debate about whether people at the On the morning of the hearing, enquiry looked shocked/alarmed/ approximately 30 stop the war surprised/amused on the video clip protestors along with members of of the main event as well as whether the press, gathered outside the court being described as a ‘war criminal’ to support Mr Lawley-Wakelin would cause alarm or distress. and once again protest the ongoing After three hours of deliberation, the repercussions of the Iraq war. Th ere judge decided Mr Wakelin’s behaviour was a cynical suggestion that such a had been disordered and was likely to small court was selected to decrease have caused alarm or distress. Given the platform for publicity. To further his unemployment (and a previous compound this, the case was initially caution for throwing urine at police to be heard in a court with space for offi cers in 2003), he was fi ned £100 another opportunity to examine public? Covering the war on terror’. around you, to writing for traditional 6 members of the public. After some and asked to pay contributions of £250 the accusations against Tony Blair. One of the panellists, Michelle media outlets as well as ‘alternative’ gentle persuasion (and the mild threat and a surcharge of £15 at a rate of £20 Over the last decade, Blair has been Stanistreet, General Secretary of the media sources, contacting MPs and of a sit-in) the case was moved to a per week. Following the judgement, dogged by allegations of misleading National Union of Journalists, put continuing the protests on the streets. larger court. Mr Lawley-Wakelin gave a small the country into an illegal war forward suggestions for independent Th is advice was put into action this Th roughout the proceedings the speech to the few members of the alongside George Bush. Th is is further regulation of the media in order to weekend at the jointly organised prosecutor called two witnesses press who were present and read out compounded by the unstable situation prevent monopolies and ensure a high protest in support of Gaza. Amongst Superintendent Sean Walters and PC an email of support from Reverend in Iraq today which is now home to the quality of press. In 2007, she led the others, Stop the War coalition, the Mark Seckham whilst Mr Wakelin Desmond Tutu himself. largest US embassy in the world and NUJ chapel when the Daily Star tried Palestinian Solidarity Campaign himself was the only witness for the As well as providing some many more armed private contractors to print ‘Th e Daily Fatwa’ – their crass and the British Muslim Initiative defence. In summary, on 28th May amusing asides, this case provided than there ever were soldiers. impression of what the esteemed came together with an estimated 2012 Mr Wakelin planned to protest Th e case is another in a growing paper would look like if the UK were an 10,000 supporters to march from Mr Blair’s alleged war crimes on a trend of high profi le individual Islamic state. Th e hierarchal structure Downing Street to the Israeli embassy public platform during the Leveson protests such as Jonathan May- of large media companies render in support of Gaza and to protest enquiry. Having failed to enter by the Bowles’ pie attack on Rupert Murdoch journalists powerless to challenge the the siege and blockade by Israel. front door, he used the back entrance The at a Commons committee hearing and established position of large papers, Th e atmosphere was charged and reserved for Judge Leveson and court even more controversially, Trenton for example until 2002 it has been emotive with speeches by Tony Benn, staff . Th e corridor leading up to this Oldfi eld’s interruption of the annual reported that had a Lindsey German, Jeremy Corbyn door was not guarded and the door hierarchal Oxford-Cambridge boat race. policy that ‘protests are not news’; this MP, Andy Slaughter MP as well as was unlocked. He then walked in and Th e timing was particularly relevant was publicly revoked following the 2 Manuel Hassassian, the Palestinian loudly stated “Excuse me, this man structure of for Stop the War Coalition who million strong protest to the Iraq war. ambassador. Th e success of the event should be arrested for war crimes” as hosted a conference the following Th e conference aimed to provide was hardly refl ected in the main well as claiming that Tony Blair was day entitled ‘Media and War – concrete suggestions for moving stream media but the spirit was personally profi ting fi nancially from large media Challenging the consensus’ (at forwarded; these ranged from defi ant and hopeful that there will be a the war. PC Mark Seckham and then SI Goldsmiths – obviously). Th roughout simply having discussions with those brighter future for Palestine. Sean Walters struggled to restrain Mr the day, journalists and activists Wakelin. Once they had removed him companies ran discussions on the failings (and from the room, he soon calmed down successes) of reporting on the ongoing WWaitait wwaitait wwait,ait, slowslow down...down... and told offi cers “I have done what I render wars in Afghanistan and Iraq – with came here to do and I will not be any “ Lord Ashdown quoted that morning YYou’reou’re tellingtelling meme I cancan writewrite forfor FelixFelix Politics?Politics? more trouble”. Following transfer to as saying “Th e only rational policy Belgravia Police Station, Mr Wakelin journalists now is to leave quickly, in good order was detained until 2.35pm (by which and in the company of our allies. Th is time Mr Blair had stepped down from is the only cause for which further the witness stand) and his fi le was powerless to lives should be risked’. Given the marked ‘Not for Action’. Th is was later escalation in violence recently, the overturned and he was summoned to challenge the standard of reporting of the Palestine Haringey Magistrates court. Israel confl ict was also discussed. Mr Wakelin was charged under One journalist for the fi nancial times Section 5 of the Public Order Act; the established highlighted their own headline that relevant sections are as follows: day as an example of reporting bias 1) A person is guilty of an off ence if (“Gaza rocket fi red at Jerusalem”). [email protected]@imperial.ac.uk he- position Th e fi rst discussion of the day was a) Uses threatening, abusive or ” entitled ‘Serving the military or the WIN& you could

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imperialcollegeunion.org/unionsurvey 14 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Games Editor: Ross Webster GAMES [email protected] [Force Persuade] Play KOTOR Edward Bals has a good feeling about this....

ll right, I know my force characters (HK-47 the homicidal droid We have come to expect the battle be- Eff ect series. miss, but later in the game your at- powers don’t work being a particular favourite, providing a tween the light and dark side, but it is Th e game also constantly presents tacks will do large damage and will through the printed lot of comic relief). However I will just the smaller stories that are told in KO- you with moral choices, allowing you give you a real sense of power. Aword. I guess I’ll have say this, the game is from 2003 and so TOR that are the real highlight of the to be a light-side hero or a dark-side As to the sound used in the game, to persuade you in- has graphics from that period. Graphics game, along with a well handled plot villain. Th is mechanic has been used you defi nitely get a Star Wars-y feel stead with the actual reasons why you whores beware, this is probably not the twist near the end. in many games since, such as Infa- from the score which still manages to should play this game, and if those game for you, but if you want an engag- Many of the quests are beautifully mous and the Mass Eff ect series and, remain fresh, the voice actors aren’t don’t work, well; you are strong-willed ing game and are able to put on your crafted mini-stories. One of my par- because of its binary choices, it has its bad either. Th e majority of the game is indeed. nostalgia glasses then I thoroughly rec- ticular favourites is a tearful woman failings. Whilst allowing access to dif- spoken in Galactic Basic, which luck- SWKOTOR (Star Wars – Knights of ommend it. that wants her robot ‘companion’ re- ferent powers and dialogue options it ily remains the same as our language Th e Old Republic, for those in the know) Th e plot of the game is set 4000 turned to her, as he has gone missing. basically boils down to: do you want here on Earth. Th e few lines of Huttese is an RPG developed by Bioware, the de- years before the rise of the Galactic What seems like a generic fetch quest cool lightning powers, or are you a and others that are used are just a few veloper that more recently has given us Empire and revolves around the re- quickly becomes a memorable gaming morally driven person, even in a vide- lines of recorded dialogue, repeated Mass Eff ect and Dragon Age. KOTOR turn of the Sith who are (surprise, sur- experience. Upon fi nding her robot ogame? Th e choices in dialogue are to mean diff erent things. Th is may ag- often appears in lists of the best games prise) out to destroy the Republic and you fi nd out that he ran away because very plainly good or evil, detracting gravate hard core Star Wars fans, but of all time and its infl uence can be seen the Jedi order because... Jedi are weak after the death of her husband, the from the experience. Th ere is no real thankfully I’m not one of those and so in many areas of the gaming world. It and emotionally stunted? OK, so the woman had made the robot a surro- moral grey area explored, as has been can happily go on living my life with- manages to keep quests fresh and en- game’s overarching story is fairly ge- gate husband, which he thought was done in the recent Witcher games, you out a care about whether that Hutt tertaining, and to supply us with an neric, but since when is the highlight unhealthy behaviour. Her somewhat either choose good or evil, never re- actually asked me to k i l l assortment of interesting, memorable of Star Wars the overarching story? questionable relationship with her ally being given a choice between two that guy or if he robot chum can be solved in a few evils. just wanted me to diff erent ways. You can tell him to re- Th e gameplay itself is a real-time get him a drink. turn, destroy him, telling the woman combat system in which you can So I’ll end as I he’s dead or destroy him and lure her choose a variety of options (such as started – thank- out into the grasslands as well. Th is throw grenade, lightsaber attack, fully the time humour shows off the writing talent lightning etc.) with your commands that you have at work for the game and makes you then queued and carried out by your taken to read this wonder why more games can’t off er a party. Combat can be paused at any article has al- similar degree of humour and choice. time to issue commands and you can lowed me to Th e game also off ers a few diff er- also switch characters to give them get close ent worlds to visit, each with diff erent commands. Th is allows for a versatile enough to environments, inhabitants, and po- battle system that can be light touch use my force tential party members. Th ese are trav- or micro-managed to your tastes. mind powers elled between in your ship, the Ebon Th e success of combat options is on you… at Hawk, a forerunner of the Millenium governed by your various stats, with least the ar- HK-47. Colour schemes Falcon. Th e galaxy map and the ability behind the scenes dice rolls deciding ticle served available: Copper and to speak to party members on board your actual success. Th is system gives its purpose. Blood-Coated were such good, well implemented a sense of progression through the ideas that they were reused as main game, as early in the game, nearly all features of the Normandy, in the Mass of your sword strikes or blaster shots My issue with GGAMEAME Imperial vs. ((andand cco.)o.) UCL Round 2 Angry Gamer Angry Geek’s Cousin where you enter a string of numbers into I turn up in the rain on the Saturday ing for, had been moved to another your screen, and suddenly the game’s to fi nd that the game has not even been store without my knowledge and then, Ross Webster Games Editor downloading onto your computer. It’s a delivered to the store yet and that they when I didn’t arrive on the other side Once in a blue moon, I actually buy my great method that appeals to those most don’t know when it’ll be in stock. Th ey of London to pick up the game, they games from a brick and mortar store. likely to play PC games i.e. youthful only hold copies for 48hrs, so if I’m late sold it off . Charlie didn’t know when Th is Tuesday, it was Imperial’s turn Th e UK (and the rest of the world, to technophiles. I went into GAME back to pick it up, they’ll sell it to the horde – any store would be getting new stock to host the Imperial vs. UCL gaming be honest) has been losing high street in summer 2012 to pre-order Assassin’s “Come back on Monday” they say. I get and as my preorder was conducted in- tournament. Th e room was packed, games retailers, to the digital distri- Creed III for my brother. If you pre-or- back and realise that it’d be a good idea store, I couldn’t get it transferred to so I was expecting fi erce fi ghting from bution mammoths (Steam, Amazon, dered on July 4th (Independence Day) to leave my number with them. After 30 an online purchase, forcing me to buy both sides. Instead, I was met with etc) and their slightly smaller and odd you got a bunch of branded collectibles minutes of Googling and 10 minutes of it online instead. Aaaaaaaaaaaannnd familiar faces at every turn. In fact, nephews (see: EA’s Origin). Off ering (ACIII T-Shirt, lanyard, badge-y/em- conversations with automated phone- strike three! about 80% of the room were Imperial lower prices than their physical coun- blem-y thing (you get the idea)), which bots, I got nowhere and was charged for I’m gonna have a nice long complain students, from what I’ve heard. terparts, these online retailers have would be a nice addition for a birthday the pleasure. Strike two. to customer services. I think I’ll stick to My spies, have mentioned that been whittling away at the competi- present, so I thought I’d get the Join or I pop in on Monday, as I’ve no lec- the Steam sales for now. All the paranoia there’s a bunch of deadlines for UCL tion, causing a drop in sales of physi- Die Collector’s Edition for PC (my fam- tures till late – they take down my in the world about not having physical students this week and that’s why they cal media. No longer will you fi nd a ily’s a bunch of PC-lovers). number and suggest I go and talk to media can’t stop me from emptying my didn’t turn up. Looks like there was a standard edition of a game that con- Th e PC release of ACIII rolled around one of their reps through their web- wallet into Gaben’s accounts. slight fail over in the communications tains the printed manual of old, and on Friday just gone. Despite the fact that chat service (which isn’t available dur- Now I can see why their breed is dying department. Expect a rescheduling. instead, all the physical goods come the branch I pre-ordered from (Oxford ing the weekend, FYI). During my chat off . Maybe they’ll follow the path of the in the over-priced collected/limited/ Street) had closed, the pre-order had with “Charlie”, we covered that I’d done record store. Good riddance. deluxe/SUCKA editions. been moved to Hamleys. Lovely. I really nothing wrong, but there’s a very good Deposit: £5. Travelling: £8. Phone TIL: Steve Now I can see why physical shops are do enjoy pushing my way through a sea chance that my pre-order had been sent calls: 96p . Having your game sold to Martin failing. We’ve been spoiled for too long, of whales and their spawn only a month to their Camden store instead. In other someone else without your knowledge: went to UCL by these instant-purchase methods, before Christmas. Strike one. words, the game that I had started pay- priceless. FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 15 Food Editors: Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti FOOD [email protected] Yiango Mavrocostanti wants to come and dine with you….

t’s Saturday. You want to go 1 thick slice white bread Ingredients: to a nice restaurant to enjoy a 5 cherry tomatoes proper meal (for once!) with 1 tsp honey (Per portion) Iyour friends. You are dream- 2 tbsp olive oil 3⁄4 cup penne or spaghetti ing of a huge three course 4 tbsp tahini dressing 1⁄2 cup fresh basil meal, a delicious starter, a great main Salt and pepper to taste 100 grams cherry tomatoes dish and a luxurious dessert accom- 1⁄4 cup olive oil panied with good wine of course but Procedure: 1⁄2 clove garlic then you suddenly realise that you Salt and pepper to taste can’t aff ord it! Preheat your oven to 180°C. With Well, I have good news for you. a fork, pierce the aubergine several Procedure: Even if you think that your cooking times and place it in the oven as is skills are nonexistent you can make (don’t cut it) for about 40 minutes To make the pesto, simply place the a fantastic three course meal in just 2 or until it is very soft. Th en, remove basil, oil, garlic, and salt and pep- hours, at minimum cost and trust me the skin from the aubergine and cut per in the blender and pulse until it will make your friends think that it in half lengthwise. Place the bread smooth. If you don’t have a blender you are a secret chef! So, invite your in the oven for a few minutes un- then chop the basil and garlic very friends and follow my three extreme- til it gets a very light brown colour fi nely and then place them in a bowl ly simple recipes that will make your and then place the tomatoes on top and mix with the olive oil, salt and dinner party a huge success. Who of the bread and return to the oven pepper. Set the pesto aside and move knows? You might get people asking for about 10 minutes. In the mean- on to the pasta! In a pot, boil 1 litre to come and live with you after this. time, combine the crushed garlic, of water, add the pasta and some salt. (Happened to me, just saying....) salt, pepper, olive oil and honey and After 7 minutes (need to be exact!) set aside. When the bread is ready remove the pasta and wash them Starter: place the aubergines on top and driz- with cold water so that they will not Aubergine and honey zle with the honey dressing and then stick together. In a non-stick pan put 1 cup fl our the wet with the dry ingredients and with the tahini dressing. Starter is the pesto and the whole cherry toma- 1 cup sugar put the mixture in the pan. Bake un- heaven ready! toes and when it starts to get warm 1⁄2 tsp salt til you insert a toothpick in the cen- add the pasta. Stir and let cook un- 1⁄2 cup cocoa powder tre and comes out almost dry. If you Words cannot explain my excitement Tip: For the starter you will need til the tomatoes become soft. Serve 1⁄4 cup chocolate chips want to make them look more spe- when I fi rst made this. I was inspired about 50 minutes. Be smart and bake in a pasta bowl and add some fresh 1 tsp soda cial, mix 1⁄2 cup icing sugar with 1 by a salad dish I saw on a cooking the aubergine in advance since this chopped basil on top! 1 mashed banana tsp of water and drizzle on top. show and I thought I should modify will save you a lot of time! 1⁄4 cup roasted walnuts 1⁄4 cup oil So, this Saturday, take maximum it a bit and give it a try. With no ex- Dessert: 3⁄4 cup milk 2 hours from your time to make this aggeration this is the best starter you Main: Rich chocolate brownies 2 tsp white wine vinegar Procedure: great three course meal and easily can ever have since it is light and it Penne with homemade impress your friends or that special has fl avours that are married Lightly grease a 9-inch pan (or small- someone! so well together. basil pesto Chocolate for dessert. It might sound er if you prefer them taller). Preheat Who needs restaurants when you typical but these brownies give this your oven to 180°C. In a bowl mix can make amazing food in your own Ingredients: Now, who doesn’t like pasta? Th is meal a luxurious end. You have to try all the dry ingredients including the kitchen? dish is a guaranteed success. Do not them to understand! chocolate chips and in a separate And if your friends are busy, you (Per portion) get scared by the homemade pesto. bowl combine the wet ingredients can invite me! I challenge you to im- 1 big aubergine It’s super easy! I promise. Ingredients: including the banana. Th en, combine press me. 16 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Technology Editor: Jason Parmar TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Google Music is finally here Jason Parmar looks at Google’s venture into the digital music market

Google comes into a pretty competitive market against these badass’ of digital music, who all have their names in their logos, except iTunes - Apple always has to be different doesn’t it.

used to use browser based Across the pond, US citizens have Th e second main feature is its “Scan easy to operate within the bounds of music services “Groove- been lucky enough to have Google & Match” technology that matches the law that there is really no need to shark” & “Hypem” in addi- Music since November 16th 2011. your tracks with those already on the biggest con go beyond them.” Make your mind up I tion to downloading to fulfi l But Google’s latest iteration of Google Google Music to ensure all track in- as you like, but in this Editor’s opin- my musical listening needs. Music brought with it some pretty formation is correct (in future users ion (I hate reading that line in arti- However, I knew it wasn’t really sus- shiny and hefty new guns to help it won’t have to actually upload tracks). at the moment cles too), the BPI’s argument is very tainable, especially considering that take on Spotify, Amazon, Microsoft’s In addition to matching the track in- weak as it’s based solely on the fact Grooveshark is in a very long legal Xbox Music, Sony’s Music Unlimited formation, this feature will upgrade is that the mo- that Google won’t be their bitch and battle and is currently being sued by and Apple’s iTunes. your music to 320kpbs quality (if ap- censor the lengthy list of websites the several labels, the biggest case for plicable), and again, all for free! Th is BPI want them to ban from internet $17.1 billion from Universal. Com- The Pros versus the similar services of Ama- bile application search results. bine this with Android, Apple and zon and Apple, who charge over £20 Facebook all removing the Groove- Admittedly, I’m two weeks late trying for the service, but only upgrade to is only on An- Conclusion shark app from their OS/Social net- out Google Music, due to the fact I’m 256kpbs, Google’s a clear winner. work and the future isn’t bright for a fi nal year student at Imperial and Google has even catered for those Overall, despite the cons, my mind Grooveshark, or my musical fulfi l- job hunting (Microsoft, IBM, Google, annoying moments for when you droid is pretty made up on Google Music ment. etc, if you’re reading, I’ll be grateful might lost connection for short peri- being well worth the wait. But, until As a result, three months ago, for a fast-track to assessment centre). ods of time (for example on the tube), Mountain View release a Windows I fi nally gave in and signed up to a Despite my slightly late adoption for a by caching your recent and queued Phone app, I’m afraid I’ll still be paying Spotify premium account. In those Technology Editor, I’ve still had time songs just in case you lose signal. In be a pretty signifi cant disadvantage, for my Spotify premium account and three months though, I’ve got to ad- to test some of Google’s incredible of- addition, for offl ine play, all Google but in this Editor’s opinion, it’s al- make occasional use of Google Music mit, I didn’t actually look back (un- ferings. Music songs in your library are avail- most a non-issue and very minor con. as an excellent library storage facility. til yesterday at least). Spotify has Th e fi rst being the new download- able for download to your PC, phone I think Spotify are making a very big It is still hard, however, to pick an grown incredibly since its initial in- able “Google Play Music Manager”. and/or tablet, again all for free. “step in the right direction by devel- overall winner for music lovers as vitation only launch in 2008 and its Th is may just be a small upload client With regards to cost, Google Music oping their browser based software everybody has diff erent preferences. offi cial UK open-to-all launch two that helps organise your music. But it is undercutting Apple iTunes by 20p and think the biggest selling point of Th e best result will perhaps be a com- years later in Feburary 2010. Th e allows all users to upload and store on per individual song (79p vs Apple’s Grooveshark (other than the ridicu- bination of two or more services, so online streaming music giant, origi- the Google Cloud up to 20,000 songs 99p per song) and £2-3 per album. lously large music catalogue of songs I recommend trying out and trialling nally from Sweden and now based imported from their own music li- Th ere is also some neat Google+ and remixes) was that it was browser as many free services as you can. You in London, has most recently been brary in 320kpbs quality. Th en it’s ac- integration with a free “share a track” based and therefore more easily acces- can try Google Music at music.google. beta testing a web browser version cessible anywhere in the world, at any option which helps out the very im- sible anywhere in the world on pretty com and follow the online tour to dis- to further extent it’s already wide time, on any laptop or anything run- pressive but depressingly quiet social much any computer. cover more. reach, that already includes excellent ning Android (at the moment). Th e network by allowing a free play of Finally, Google are coming under One thing is for sure though, if Ap- integration within Windows, Mac beauty of the service, and basically of songs to friends. fi re from ”the UK’s record industry ple want to remain at the forefront in OS, Linux, Facebook, Android, iOS, everything the Mountain View giant Finally, Google is off ering a good trade association, the British Phono- the future of digital music, it’s going Blackberry, Symbian, webOS, Sonos does, is that this service is 100% free. easy to use browser based interface, graphic Industry (BPI), who aren’t ex- to need to radically innovate its 2001 and even Windows Phone (clearly So, as of right now I have 6,324 songs but of course, this is really all subjec- actly happy with Google on the whole. based iTunes business model. Th e the most important for any growing that are currently being uploaded to tive and in some people’s opinions Th ey’re Chief Executive, Geoff Tay- younger and more agile Spotify and company). Th e company has been the Google cloud. could be a con. lor, complains that “we don’t think it Google have come and innovated the slowly trying to gather a monopoly All in all, the Pro’s send us a strong makes any sense for them to be doing market, will Apple be able to follow. in the market and appears to be do- message that Google Music has been something which does support artists ing quite well, with Goldman Sachs well worth the year long wait! and then, on the other hand, under- valuating the company at $3billion it allows us- mine artists by referring consumers this month. The Cons to illegal sites”. Th e basis of the com- if Apple want to ers to upload plaint has actually nothing to do with Why not stay with Spotify? By far the biggest con at the moment Google Music and is actually based on remain at the is that the mobile application is only Google Search, as when you “Google” Two weeks ago, on 13th November, and store up to currently on Android, excluding the a song you are provided with links forefront they Google released Google Music, LG huge market of Apple iPhone users, to both legal and illegal sources. Th e manufactured Nexus 4 and the Nex- 20,000 songs the signifi cantly smaller market of BPI actually went so far to get several us 10, in the UK, all through Google those of us on Windows Phone as well iconic musicians, including $265 mil- need to radi- Play. It was largely successful day for on the Google as those people unfortunate enough to lion rich Elton John, to write directly Google as they sold out of the Nexus 4 still be on the ancient Blackberry OS. to PM David Cameron publically to cally innovate online in under 15 minutes in the UK Another con is that the service is winge about Google. A Google Play and later sold out stateside in under an cloud for free browser based with no desktop appli- representative responded to the accu- hour (although they were selling the cation other than the very basic, but sations claiming “I think [the service] ...again devices at a heavily subsidised price functional, “Google Play Music Man- is something that is hopefully going to for launch). “” ger”. For some people this’ll prove to make piracy obsolete because it’s so “” FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 17

Technology Editor: Jason Parmar [email protected] TECHNOLOGY Illegal downloading, oldschool Has the market, giving consumers better deals, reduced illegal torrenting?

Jason Parmar Technology Editor music downloads to date”. Th e young cording labels lasting an impressively space of a year). Th e most interesting company was founded in 2007 by, long time before slowly dying or in- market to follow though, will be that believe it or not, an Imperial College novating. of the Software giants. Who knows, riting the over- Physics student in his fi nal year with President of the American Asso- in a few years’ time we may all be leaf article on two friends from Exeter and UCL ciation of Independent Music (AAIA), not ever have to pay a one-off fee for Google Music’s (urgh). Th ey actually secured their Rich Bengloff , says “providing alterna- software and instead just pay annual W introduction to fi rst ever investment in the Felix Of- tives to illegal fi le sharing and down- subscriptions to Microsoft, Apple, the UK market fi ce where this paper is produced, as loading is a “no-brainer”” and “pricing Adobe etc. for the latest software (and reminded me of an interesting ques- the current CEO, Gregory Mead was it at a level that is attractive enough maybe even hardware) instead of re- tion that I’ve been asking myself for a a Felix writer. Moving on, the com- to them that they don’t want to pirate lying on cheap student deals or, what while, “has the progress in the digital pany who is regarded as the “world’s music”. more regularly happens, “borrowing” music market, which gives consumers largest music trend data asset” study Google appear to agree with a rep- a copy from the internet. a better deal, reduced the amount we reveals that there has been a drop in resentative of Google Music saying illegal download?” unauthorised music downloads in the “I think [the service] is something Too long, didn’t read (TLDR) I think that Google and Spotify have UK, US, Canada, Sweden and Nor- that is hopefully going to make piracy the potential to enjoy a rich future in way. Th ese are reductions in illegal obsolete because it’s so easy to oper- Illegal music downloading is reduc- the music industry, and I’m sure their downloading are being strongly linked ate within the bounds of the law that ing as prices go down and services competitors will follow in their foot- with online streaming services such there is really no need to go beyond go up (YES capitalism, YES mar- steps in what is now a very fast moving as Spotify, who as previously stated, them”. As does ARIA CEO Dan Rosen kets). Other industries should learn and dynamic market. However, has all were valued at $3 billion by Goldman who says “new digital music services and innovate to prevent and finally of this progress actually helped the ef- Sachs this month and are predicted to certainly assist with reducing music kill illegal downloading. fi ciency of music distribution, helped earn over $1 billion this year world- piracy” and that “with almost all mu- TV & Film is underway with NetF- consumers, helped the musicians and/ wide. My straw polling of Imperial sic now being available for free or at lix and LoveFilm, eBooks are well on or helped reduce illegal downloading. students (which of course are highly a low cost, there is no justifi cation for their way, Gaming tried and failed reliable and accurate) appear to agree any music fan to use pirate sites where (poor OnLive) but should keep go- Background too. Over the last four years I’ve been no money go to artists or labels”. ing and the Software should start here I’ve defi nitely noticed an increase To summarise, there appears to be offering just subscription, high Back in the very late 90’s-early nough- in the amount of people using legal an interesting (and very obvious) link value-for-money and more efficient ties, many people, especially young music services and illegally download- between the market off ering com- business models to benefit consum- people, couldn’t always aff ord to buy ing less. petitively priced alternatives to illegal ers (i.e. Microsoft, Adobe, Apple, the expensively priced CD’s. So many Although there has been a 16% downloading and then seeing a reduc- etc). took advantage of easy-to-use ille- drop in UK spending in music, com- tion in illegal downloading. gal P2P services such as Napster or pared with 2.6% globally, people’s ac- Although, not all agree. Some think The fallen torrenting giants LimeWire (to name just a few). Nap- cess to music is still increasing and is aggressive government interventions ster, which was co-founded in 1999 by evidence that the market has inno- are the way forward. Th at’s certainly all round badass and Facebook found- vated into new revenue and effi ciency the opinion of Joshua Friedlander who ing President Sean Parker (played by streams. By off ering consumers lower evaluates data for AAIA, who claims Next Week Justin Timberlake in Th e Social Net- prices for services that allow them to “there was an immediate increase in work), was the main site of choice for listen to even more music, more con- digital music sales (after LimeWire Next week’s issue will be the final issue of Felix and Felix Tech for 2012. many and is associated with bringing was removed), so whenever one of As such, we’re going to end 2012 in style with the reviews of the Gadg- “the recording industry to its knees”, these sites closes, we’re defi nitely et Show Live 2012 and the exclusive Nokia Lumia 820 and 920 launch. albeit like a slow poison. But one thing it’s [now] so moving some people on to the many the P2P services did was to encourage legal services that are now available”. The Tech Editor, Jason Parmar, managed to swindle three press passes and move people to digital music, and So in truth, it’s a mixture of the two to The Gadget Show Live, in the ExCeL today and has taken himself in doing so, Apple, in 2001, released easy to oper- that’s resulted in a reduction in illegal and two writers to the event to report back to you. the iTunes store and made an absolute downloading, for music at least. Th e mint for record labels, musicians (to ate within the conclusion I want to make with this The Tech Editor also got some tickets to the very exclusive and inti- an extent) and cut costs for consum- article is that I don’t think it’ll be long, mate Deadmau5 live show in Southwark by the Shard last night. The ers. Although some people continued and I hope it’s not, until we see more event was for the UK launch of the Nokia Lumias 820 & 920. Read and took up illegally downloading, bounds of the online digital markets move in this di- next weeks issue for his report on the street rave and after party. many moved to legal online music rection. services. One decade on and we’ve law there is no We’re already seeing it, for exam- seen a huge increase in uptake of le- ple, with TV and fi lm. Netfl ix and gal downloading and streaming, most LoveFilm are the two biggest players prominently for Spotify here in the need to go be- at the moment, and their competi- UK and perhaps in the future Google tion is helping to drive down prices Music as well as Apple, Amazon, Sony, yond them and increase the ease of usability for Microsoft, YouTube and borderine le- consumers. Th is has encouraged mil- gal services of Grooveshark & Hypem. lions more people to subscribe to their veniently and with better interfaces services, stop renting from ineffi cient Illegal downloading down? they have increased their client base. tangible based services such as Block- In addition by doing this online, they buster and slightly reduce illegally Th ere are several confl icting sources “have slashed billions of dollars in dis- downloading. It won’t be long until of illegal music downloading and the tribution costs that can now be rein- the PC games industry follows suit, market circulating around the inter- vested into providing better services with Steam looking to take the lead as net. However, one of the most reliable and lower prices for consumers. Th is the promising OnLive service unfor- to consider is that of MusicMetric, is what Napster over a decade ago tunately grew too fast too quickly and who conducted “one of the most com- predicted would happen, it just took failed (being valued at $1.8 billion and prehensive studies of unauthorized longer than” expected, with the re- being sold for under $5 million in the Drinks offer JÄgerbomb £2.50only IN ALL BARS, every day

TLEG OO house spirit B Tonight 30 November KOKO POP 20:00 - 02:00 & mixer C free before 20:00 | £2.50 after only M U S I If you like bootleg then you will love Koko Pop! Get involved and hear the £2.00 best current bootleg music. IN ALL BARS Wednesday & Friday only from 18:00

imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on They love to fi ddle with their instruments Their concert is TONIGHT in the Great Hall at 8pm! Come and see MTSoc’s Annual Ch Can you guess a

3 - 5 December at 7:30 pm in the UCH – F arity Revue Dancing Through Life all the musicals?

ree entry but donations to RAG welcomed

24 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Music Editors: Mark England, MUSIC Ross Gray, Simon Hunter [email protected]

You Don’t Have To Call It Music ATP Xmas Special Riaz Agahi Writer Pt. 8 free jazz ATP in many ways can be seen as an em- by Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto bodiment of alternative music, often at- tended by those who know their music, Jazz has always been a little different. Scattering this way and that, each instrument it never fails to provide a selection of the wriggles its way on to the scene and bears it all in turn. Yet despite all its quirks, it often fi nest alternative music out there, sweep- gets tied down by its melodic, rhythmic and compositional structures. ing a wide range of musical genres in In 1959, Ornette Coleman recorded The Shape of Jazz To Come, heralding a new every line up. Th is quality is coupled with generation of jazz players who would push the boundaries of an already unconven- a spirit of musical fellowship, as often tional genre. Often teasing a more traditional song structure, his sax began to tear bands on the line up are seen enjoying the taining live shows. Th e rest of their line- punk tinged noise rock of Melt-Banana, away at the stave, shredding each note to multiple spectra. The following year’s re- sets of their colleagues, and having the up has the inevitable range of sizes. From both of which are sure to bring a sense of lease of Free Jazz was an altogether stranger affair. From the first note, a maelstrom festival curated by a band or individual al- seasoned professionals with huge cult fun to the festival. Th ere are also some unfurls, giving way to wandering passages flowing in parallel between the players. lows a feeling of connection to a normally followings to smaller bands, seemingly hugely infl uential bands, with punk in- There is a jovial feeling to it, as the instruments bounce off each other freely, maintain- hugely infl uential and respected curator. plucked from obscurity by Steve Albini stitution Wire and post metal innovators ing only a very loose sense of cohesion – just enough to keep it together. Th is sense of intimacy is further added to and co. Naturally, the festival is bookend- Neurosis, who are preventing a com- John Coltrane is one of the most iconic jazz musicians of all time. From his part in by a smaller venue, accommodating only ed by two Shellac sets and in between, 34 pletely revamped live show, surely not Miles Davis’s timeless Kind of Blue to his own statements on A Love Supreme and the 3000. Having spent a few years based in bands play. As it would be impossible to to be missed. Th e night is capped off by enlightened Ascension, Coltrane quickly became the most prominent saxophonists of Butlins, Minehead, they have returned to cover everyone involved in the deserved Zeni Geva, a trio featuring KK Null and his time. Spearheading hard bop and modal jazz, his stratospheric mastery of the in- Pontins in Camber Sands, the spiritual length, a brief run through of my person- the drummer from Ruins. Th eir music is strument led him to the uncharted territories of free jazz. His posthumously released home of the festival, where the fi rst 7 or 8 al favourites will have to suffi ce. a brutal blend of death metal, hardcore Interstellar Space, a duet with Rashied Ali, was perhaps the most challenging piece festivals took place. It should also be not- On Friday, a rock/classical/experimen- punk, noise rock and many other genres. of music recorded in his career. The pair seem to completely abandon any semblance ed that, as was also the case in Butlins, the tal hybrid is found in the form of Helen Having seen them earlier this year I can of rhythm or melody. Ali best sums up the style: “That pulse is always in my head but uncomfortable and dehumanising camp- Money’s exquisite cello playing. If her attest that their live performance has an I’m not always playing it. I play against it, around it. I mumble jumble it, shake it up.” ing experience is bypassed with comfort- album is anything to go by, expect pluck- energy and fl uency that doesn’t disap- The city of Chicago has a long and brilliant history as a melting pot of blues and jazz able chalets, allowing a good night’s sleep ing, distortion, a Minutemen cover and point. artists. Founded in ‘65, the Association for the Advancement of Creative Musicians and a place to chill between shows. plenty more. Other highlights of the day Sunday’s highlights include post-punk (AACM) brought together some of the city’s most forward thinking musicians. Per- Between the return to Camber Sands include avant-garde metal group Oxbow, outfi t Mission of Burma, another band haps the most popular group to emerge from the collective was The Art Ensemble and an old favourite in Shellac curating, led by intellectual badass Eugene Robin- widely reputed for giving a good perfor- of Chicago, whose song ‘Theme de Yoyo’ was featured in the ‘70 film Les Stances à there is a sense that, if the label could ever son. Th is is followed Turing Machine, mance, who have, since their reunion, Sophie. Their ranks featured the iconoclastic trumpeter Roscoe Mitchell, who in ‘66 truly apply to an ATP, ‘Nightmare before who play what I would describe as Math- featured Shellac bassist Bob Weston. Th is recorded the seminal Sound with his sextet, including in its ranks the luminous Ish- Christmas’ is a pretty traditional festival. kraut, and promises to be excellent. If this is complemented nicely by noise rock mael Wadada Leo Smith. All of this, without even really mention- isn’t your bag, there’s always one of the duo Gay Witch Abortion. Excitingly, Smith was and remains a true visionary. Breaking away from the stagnant loft scene ing the music paves the way for a pretty best post-rock bands going, in the form Th e Ex are playing with Brass Unbound, of the late 60s, he moved towards a more generous style than his predecessors. Valu- exceptional experience. of Japanese quartet Mono. a collective featuring Mats Gustafsson on ing silence as much as sound, he emphasizes the space between the notes as much as Th e music itself is suitably impressive. Saturday provides straight up rock saxophone among others. the notes themselves. His playing is often calm and drawn out, amplifying subtleties. Shellac, of course, are highly respected from Arcwelder, sure to bring a catchy If that’s not enough, the go karts are His frustration with metric rhythm systems led him to devise his own method of com- and particularly known for their enter- tune or two, and the exciting ultra-fast, free! position. Ankhrasmation, as he calls it, is a graphical notation based on his so-called ‘rhythm units’ which define sounds in proportion to each other rather than absolutes, allowing more room for interpretation and spontaneous creativity. Smith’s creative concerns led him to a long and close collaboration with fellow AACM musician and emblem, Anthony Braxton. Like Smith, Braxton was to devel- op his own notational palette, dabbing colours and numbers among ruptured staves. Sometimes the titles themselves were an archaic topography of shapes and symbols, Competition Time! more closely resembling chess moves than romantic verse. In leafy Germany, Peter Brötzmann bears perhaps the most menacing sound to ever have been carved from a saxophone. The epitome of so-called ‘fire music’, his Win tickets to see Craig cogent tone is a ferocious outburst, if not an utter onslaught – attained from a sin- gle rasping breath. His cacophonous tendencies and chaotic disposition make him a force in the free jazz scene, having collaborated with some of its most anarchic Charles at the Bloomsbury exponents. British guitarist Derek Bailey, who played on Nipples with the Peter Brötzmann Sextet is probably the most radical jazz guitarist to this day. His non-idiomatic play- Lanes on 15th December. ing style is about as unorthodox as you can get with standard tuning, sitting down. Wriggling his fingers across the fingerboard, plucking the strings with such fervor To be in with a shout of seeing Craig they ring in every which way until they almost slap each other. It sounds as if he were neurotically deconstructing his acoustic guitar, splinter by splinter. Yet he still consid- Charles at the launch of his & Soul ered himself a traditional guitarist because of his meticulous technique. One notable collaborator is London percussionist Steve Noble is fitting, who takes a similar ap- Club CD as well as a copy of the proach to the drums, using them as resonating bodies to tease out every nuance of their membranes. release, answer this question: In London, Eddie Prevost of AMM has been running improvisation workshops in From which north-west town the basement of the Welsh Chapel in Borough every Friday for the last seven years. Many of those attending also play gigs in Dalston’s Cafe Oto, a juncture for many of does Craig hail? today’s international avant garde (and most of those mentioned in this column). The Vortex Club down the road and Resonance FM (104.4) have made London a great place for experimental musicians to get together. Send us your answers by the It seems fitting to end this column with a music that remains as defiant as it ever was. Its exponents continuously push their instruments, going deeper into them than 10 December 2012 their luthiers could ever have conceived. FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 25

Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter MUSIC [email protected] The Vaccines at the Ally Pally Mark England fi nd a band who can inspire young and old alike

andering around easily filled another night. the large and Opening with newie “No Hope” looming Alex- the cheers, which went up around Wandra Palace, me, drowned out Justin’s drawling simultaneuosly chorus celebrating antithapy and trying to avoid drunky, lairy forty selfishness. As the masses of gleeful year old men who wanted to “ave it faces settled down, a large number large” while attempting not to trip of hits from the first album What over the large number of excited Did You Expect From The Vaccines teenage girls scurrying about, it be- turn the Ally Pally into a sloshy mess came blindingly obvious how much of hormones and spilled lager. of a big deal The Vaccines have It was, however, one of the best become. Few bands at the moment could captivate such a diverse crowd whilst releasing a new album, which although not revolutionary, provid- TheThe VVaccinesVaccaccin ed a darker, more sinister step up from their wide-eyed debut. Although now stepping out onto a turn the AllyA huge stage as darlings of the main- stream, The Vaccines still have punk attitudes somewhere in their Pally into a heart. Their choice of seminal Ca- nadian hardcore band Fucked Up sloshy mess to be main support for this mas- sive date confused and scared the swelling crowds in equal measures. of hormones Their was little continuity between the Beach Boy guitar pop which not a weirdo” but this was not to be would soon bring the venue to its and lager their night. knees and the brutal hollerings of a With an encore of “Bad Mood”, semi-naked sweaty punk icon but I “Wolf Pack” and “Norgaard” there AMS album of the week enjoyed the surprise nevertheless. are outbreaks of euphoria not wit- There have been countless articles tracks of the new album Come of Age nessed since the summer with The : predicting that The Vaccines can be that caught my attention. “Teenage Stone Roses reunion dates. There saviours of the guitar, drag modern Icon” is a sweet three minute piece was crowdsurfing galore and cir- You need a good reason to pay attention to an indie out of its current rut and give of surf pop perfection. The lyrics clepits dominated the front section alternative rock band releasing their 7th album. it a new heart. From my very en- are not deep and it might be slightly of the out of control crowd. The Since their magnum opus, , Deftones viable position in the front row, I predictable in the formula used, but Vaccines have oft been accused of have become a household name in making could properly appreciate these out- boy does it leave you dumbstruck. being a pale pastiche, a 60s retro- “straight forward” rock songs something bigger. landish claims. This is the first band The Vaccines show that you do not revivalism outfit but the sight of to- They’re heavy, catchy, and they know just how since The Libertines I have wit- have to reinvent the wheel, you just days youth getting their kicks from to structure a good song – often using more than nessed who inspired such devotion. have to make it look cool and drop fuzzy surf pop rather than soul-less one different chorus or recurring bridge to tell a The ten thousand tickets for this some Strokes-lite fuzz on it. Minaj pop or fizzy drinks was no far more interesting story. The vocals are versatile, show sold out in the flash of an eye One of the largest disappoint- bad thing. Although watching hun- jumping from distorted to dreamy as required. Koi and by the number of disappointed ments of the show was that their dreds of pre-pubescent faces sing- No Yokan is Deftones giving all this another shot. fans outside I think they could have best song to date “Weirdo” was ing back the lines to “Post Break-Up “Swerve City” opens the album, instantly proving they still know how to pull off a ”not played at all. Sex” in unison was strange to say the gritty guitar riff. However, by the verse, it’s clear that the band care about more than I cannot under- least. just guitar leads and crash cymbals, as a lush atmosphere streams in. This keeps the stand this omis- Returning home to London for mix from feeling static or dull, and makes them sound much bigger than a 5 piece. sion given as it is this career defining show, the bands Much like , their 2010 album, there’s a track. Where most one of the centre- ambition to impress was tangible. alternative bands fall back to a simplistic chord sequence and uninspired lyrics to pieces of their lat- They posed, they crooned, they attempt the required atmosphere, Deftones seem to flow into their ballads effort- est album. Maybe rocked out on the stage, and the lessly. “Entombed” picks up some great electronic sounds to tell a much more se- it was deemed too thousands packed into this venue rene tale – so serene that you could mistake it for dream pop. slow, too heavy responded with a huge amount of “Tempest” and “Rosemary” are both longer songs bordering 7 minutes, up from or too creepy and love. “This is the best fucking night the average of 4, giving the band more range to explore a slower, more careful style. might ruin the of my life” howled the ecstatic front- “Tempest” is probably the most straight forward song on the album and owes its vibe but I think man and Justin and the gang looked length to a more subtle pace and the spacious intro. The bridge of “Rosemary” hits they definitely like they truly belonged up there in the ballad-like mood again before dropping the heaviest outro on the album. missed a trick, front of all of these people: but what I can’t find much fault with this new material (except, perhaps, the last track, especially with a next? In May of next year The Vac- which meanders a little too much for its own good), and most fans of their recent relatively quick cines are due to play at the twenty material should agree. Put simply, as alternative rock, nu-metal, or whatever you set. I could so thousand capacity O2 Area but are like to call this genre goes, Deftones seem to have to delivered as usual – hence, many people des- they ready for headlining major how much you’ll enjoy this is just down to how much you like their sound. In Japa- perate to sing out festivals? It is definitely a possibil- nese, “koi no yokan” is an expression of knowing one will come to love someone the lines “I don’t ity but I think they need a bit more after meeting them (a subtle variation on “love at first sight”). Strong words, but if want to let it go, depth to their repertoire if they were you enjoy the band, they might just apply. You know I am to storm Glastonbury. Robin Thomas 26 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Music Editors: Mark England, MUSIC Ross Gray, Simon Hunter [email protected] Britain’s New Breed Mo Mirza hits the Spector show to fi nd the future of guitar pop

Th e night was kicked off by LULS who stockpile. stage, and the one time he did stop to did a great job at gathering everyone After a long wait, Spector made their catch a breather, he handed the micro- around the stage. Firing on all cylinders, appearance; all but the lead singer... phone to an audience member… they sang “Swing Low” – a dark, de- Where was Macpherson? All of this was then proceeded with mented pop melody that echoed across He was being an obnoxious scoundrel, an absolutely lip-smacking version of the walls of the venue. A short but sweet of course; and we all loved him for it. their well-known “Celestine” to which set which left me aching to hearing As the rest of the band launched into the venue erupted. Another thumping more from this tight young band. the fi rst song, “Twenty Nothing”, the hit was “Chevy Th under”, and we didn’t Th ey were followed by who crowd squirmed in anticipation until have to wait long for Spector to fi nish us summoned the spirits of 90s grunge Macpherson fi nally strutted on to the off with one fi nal thrust – “Never Fade whilst keeping up their lazybones ap- stage in his blinding white suit with all Away”. pearance with “Vacation”. ‘Gritty and the combined arrogance and charm he Spector were a spectacle; a glowing low-fi ’ is how one could describe them. could muster - “I lost track of time, re- example of MacPherson’s dedication Th ey did not disappoint. mind me how it started…” to succeed. His annoying yet captivat- Th is was then followed by Birming- Th e band moved on to awesome ren- ing personality enthralled the sold out ham’s own Swim Deep. Th e songs ditions of “Lay Low,” and “Friday Night”. crowd at Shepard’s Bush. Th ey upturned were well recognized by the crowd, as “What You Wanted” was another shim- the entire contents of their album Enjoy exemplifi ed by the premature mutter- mering standout with the crowd sing- It While It Lasts and the crowd abso- ings of approval as the band started ing along with the handsomely voiced lutely loved the old-school style indie playing their acclaimed single – “King vocalist. gems they were treated to. City”. Swim Deep seem to have a decent You have to hand it to Macpherson Towards the end of the set, MacPher- camera and took a shot of the packed rior at the end of an epic battle. Taking arsenal of catchy tunes that work their for being such a fantastic entertainer; he son took the time show his gratitude to venue. Even after not having followed into account the successful tour they’ve way through. “Honey”, in my opinion, engaged the crowd with his usual tricks the fans. “Th is is what sold-out looks the tour, you could tell that the band had, one wonders where Macpherson is a recent and yummy addition to this as he continuously frolicked about the like,” he smiled as he whipped out his had all the vibes of a triumphant war- will lead Spector next.

Interviewing Britain’s best new bands

Luls Swim Deep This young London-based trio were a breath of A short and sweet interview with dream-pop band, Swim Deep during fresh air. I sat down with Adam and Shaun to talk which Austin desperately shuffled around the room for a bag of Lemsip. to about shit. Where does the name Swim Deep come from? How did you meet? We just felt it just went along with everything we were doing with our music, S: I met Adam who was playing for a friend of as well as the imagery in our music videos. It just fits. mine… *cheeky smile towards Adam* What influences your music? You guys love each other. We’re influenced by how we feel and like our surroundings. S: How’d you know? The secret’s out… So yeah Adam was playing for a friend of mine. He How did you guys meet? I know one of you really likes strip clubs. looked a bit aggressive on stage, well that’s how I found him initially… Me and Higgy worked in Morrison’s and we decided to start a band. We met A: But it turns out I’m a massive win. Cavan on the dance floor and we saw Zach coming out of a strip club. S: Yes, and I actually met Ben in a similar way. Nice. How has the Spector tour been so far? So where are you from? Spector have been great and we really enjoyed playing with them. We’ve had S: We’re all collectively London, almost. Adam’s been living in Camden, I live in Dalston loads of great experiences. and… uh… Ben’s from Narnia. No just joking, a little known place called Isleworth which I thought he was making up. You could write a song about that. Splashh A: Yes! A Led Zeppelin-esque ode to Isleworth… London’s newest darlings were a chilled out band with a relentless rhythm propelling them along What kind of sound of are you going for? How did you guys meet? A: I guess in the early stages we were quite inspired by bands like Yeahs Yeahs, and TV Shasha (guitar): We’ve all have known each other weirdly through different mutual acquaintances. I’ve been friends with Jake on the Radio. We were trying to take the energy and the kind of vibes they had and make (drums) since I was a teenager and I met Toto (vocals) and Beal (bass). J: I came over to something of our own. just to join the band, crazy move. I am came all the way from New Zealand. It was a long S: We feel we’re quite strong on the vocal side so we try to play to our strength. trip. S: He went straight to band practice... J: Yeah, we had our first gig two days later. How have you found the other bands you’ve been touring with? What kind of equipment do you use? So it’s been us Spector and Swim Deep, we were going to one show with Splashh but S: It’s always different; we take what we can get at the moment. We’ll basically unfortunately we got stuck in mammoth traffic, this was in . write this song and Toto will record it and turn into what it sounds like now. He’s a bit of a So what do you think of Spector? wizard on the production side of things. He edits our music videos as well. Our creative hub! I like Spector, we like them, they’re a good band and we also like them as people What are your plans for the future? What do you think of Fred MacPherson? S: Maybe an EP. We will put some songs out there for sure within the next few months. We I think he’s a lovely person – a kind, warm human being. are going to put loads more songs out there for sure. Last week we played in Dalston, it’s Are you looking forward to tonight? basically the grimiest place in London. We also played at the Old Blue Last. Yes we are, we’ll be performing first but we wish we You are kind of an East London band, do you know of any other up and coming bands that you’ve performed with recently? were performing later. We’re just going to take it as far Wolf Alice are cool. They were the first band on this Japanese promo and there was something very good about them. They are play- as we can, and we’re really quite open to where we’re ing with us at our headline show at the 100club, that’s our first headline show in London. Our goal is to sell that one out. taking this. S: We went and saw Tame Impala, they’re probably one of our favourite. There’s loads of healthy guitar music coming out these days. You guys are going to be awesome. T: Tame Impala are doing something real though, as well as being completely throwback what I reckon is that they are trying to appeal S: Aww, thanks man. A: YES YES! *High fives* to all the people that love the Beatles and love Zeppelin. They’re the real deal man. FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 27

Television Editor: Lucia Podhorska [email protected] TELEVISION Zombie Apocalypse Now The Walking Dead marched straight into Jonna Nybäck’s heart

hen I fi rst heard When he fi nds his wife and kid miss- about the TV ing (of course they wouldn’t still be She’s definitely pulling that It’s always annoying when show Th e Walk- in the house, the town is deserted!) slit off better than Angelina Wing Dead from he marches on a quest to fi nd them. you’re the only one in fancy my friends I During this search he meets several dress at a party couldn’t understand their immense other survivors and it is interesting to excitement about it. On the question follow the group dynamic and watch “what is it about?” I got the answer how an apocalypse can aff ect human “the world is taken over by zombies behaviour. One would think people and a few people are trying to sur- would look after one another, but the vive”. Well, that didn’t do it for me. fear of not knowing who can be trust- I mean, it sounds exactly like every ed, food and ammunition supplies be- other zombie movie out there. So I ing limited and with the tiny detail of resisted. fl esh eating zombies all over the place, But more and more of my friends it turns in to survival of the fi ttest. gave in and started to watch and they Th e show, which is developed by all turned into these zombie loving fa- Frank Darabont and premiered on natics. It got to a point where my cu- the cable television channel AMC riosity couldn’t take it anymore and I in America in 2010, has received broke down and watched the fi rst epi- many nominations such as the Writ- sode to see what the huge hype was ers Guild of America Award and a about, then the second episode, then Golden Globe award nomination for the third... Best Television Series Drama. With It’s an easy watch, you don’t have to 10.9 million viewers tuning in for the bother your brain too much and it’s season three premiere it became the always nice to get a break from study- most-watched basic cable drama tel- ing, just follow along the ride. But ecast in history. warn you, it becomes highly addictive So, yep, my friends were right. But and might interfere with your study as I am writing this I understand time – especially if you’re like me and why my friends were frustrated with once you’re hooked, can’t stop watch- me as I said “it sounds stupid” when ing! they were talking about the show. Th e To break it down, Rick, who is a whole zombie-splatter theme doesn’t sheriff ’s deputy, gets shot and wakes do it justice, there is so much more to up from a coma a few months later. the show. All I can say is watch it and During his coma a zombie apocalypse you’ll see what I mean. Who knew has taken place and Rick fi nds himself I, myself, would turn into a zombie as what seems to be a lone survivor. lover? My Top 5 Episodes of the Week It’s been a love-fi lled week of TV

Lucia Podhorska Television Editor ever, as it is my mom’s favourite show and I was home for the weekend, we 1. Frasier, Season 2 Episode 4, “The Matchmaker” watched a few episodes. One of them Th ere was a time when watching 5 ep- even managed to snag the top spot 2. Frasier, Season 3 Episode 13, “Moon Dance” isodes every week didn’t pose a chal- this week: lenge for me. In fact, any week when After a night spent comparing his 3. The New Normal, Season 1 Episode 9, “Pardon Me” this did not happen was out of the non-existent love life with Daphne’s, norm. I’ve been fi nding it a bit diffi cult Frasier decides to play matchmaker this term, but never fear, I am up to and tries to set her up with KACL’s 4. How I Met Your Mother, Season 8 Episode 8, “Twelve the challenge and will keep providing new station manager, Tom. In a classic Horny Women” you with my top picks. case of misunderstandings and mis- Th is week’s top 5 episodes contain communication, it turns out that Tom 5. , Season 4 Episode 7, “Dynamic ” a blast from the past in the form of is gay and under the impression that Frasier. I reviewed this show briefl y an invitation to Frasier’s for dinner Most Awkward Love Confession Award: a few years back and said it featured is, in fact, a date. What follows is 20 They’re both just a bit strange one of my all-time favourite TV char- minutes of pure comedic excellence, Dexter, Season 7 Episode 8, “Argentina” acters (Niles Crane) but I hadn’t re- featuring all of the show’s main char- ally watched it in almost a year. How- acters at their best. 28 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles fi [email protected] Great Expectations...not so great results

piece with excellent performances but revenge against the male sex that the richer substance to process. lished enough to fully convince. Great Expectations one that never springs out of its own wronged Miss Havisham cunningly Uptight, proper and a fi rst-class bitch It has a lot to juggle around, and this mediocrity to make a lasting mark. desires. at times, Grainger is highly eff ective as is where the fi lm often falls spectacu- Director: Mike Newell Pip is a young orphan boy living with Knowing that Pip is only destined to the cold and distant Estella, although at larly apart. Th ere are so many charac- Screenwriters: David Nicholls, his angry, abusive older sister (the ex- be a blacksmith’s apprentice, he is torn times she is also successful in putting ters, events and back stories to squeeze Charles Dickens (novel) cellent Sally Hawkins). Whilst visiting away from Estella very early on. Years on the face of longing whenever Pip is into a tight frame that often these are Starring: Jeremy Irvine, Ralph his parents’ gravesites, he is ambushed later he (Irvine) is informed that he has in the picture. She and Irvine make a glossed over and sometimes in clum- Fiennes, Helena Bonham Carter, by an escaped convict (Fiennes) who come into a large fortune thanks to a fascinating screen duo, and the prickly, sy, rushed fl ashbacks that don’t tell us Holliday Grainger off ers him a chance to live in exchange mysterious benefactor whose identity acid-tongued actress provides a nice enough. And then there’s the ending – for some food, drink, and a fi le to grind must remain anonymous and is to be- contrasting balance to the more sensi- Dickens wrote two versions but with- away his shackles. Scared out of his come a gentleman. Now that he’s got tive Irvine. out spoiling which route the fi lm de- wits, Pip has no problem accepting the money and class, he visits the one But the two outstanding perfor- cides to take, let’s just say it doesn’t end this scary man’s off er. Th e prisoner is person he could not forget all those mances come from the two expected on the most satisfying note. As often subsequently arrested again by the au- years. Yes, Estella (Grainger) has all individuals, the crème de la crème of is the case when books are transferred John Park Film Editor thorities, and Pip thinks nothing more grown up too, but it would appear her British acting royalty, Carter and Fi- onto the screen, a lot is lost in transla- on the matter. heartbreaking ways have not changed ennes. Carter, in a role that suits her tion, an aspect not even the excellent Another encounter sees the young one bit. perfectly, fully embraces her dark, performances or costly production de- Th e greater the book, the more diffi cult Pip inside the run-down mansion of Just why Pip is so hung up on a girl gothic and mysterious Miss Havisham sign can truly salvage. it is to adapt into fi lm; which is why Miss Havisham (Carter), who wants like this is anyone’s guess, and to say who is clearly suff ering from severe “from the best-loved story by Charles a boy of a similar age to her daughter that it’s all down to her beauty isn’t a psychological damage. She is so good Dickens” doesn’t exactly cement a vote Estella to keep the young girl enter- satisfactory enough answer given how in fact in her frighteningly huge and of confi dence to the fi lm due to the tained. Miss Havisham insists in stay- much time is devoted to the two of dirtied white dress, that she gives all enormous challenges it faces. And it’s a ing locked away at her estate, forever them arguing about love with Pip re- the previous Miss Havishams a run for story that’s seen the screen many times wearing her wedding dress in memory petitively proclaiming his undying feel- their money. Her scenes are always fun in the past, once most memorably as of her botched nuptial plans years ago. ings for her. Th ere must be something to watch, as she delightfully chews the a timeless classic in 1946, but the less Even at an alarmingly young age, Pip more, but the fi lm fails to look further scenery, which is why her dramatic end that is said about the awful 1998 ver- falls head over heels for Estella who is into the development of their attrac- feels even more tragic. Fiennes does sion the better. Newell’s 2012 adapta- being groomed by Miss Havisham to tion. Irvine, still a fresh-face rising star make a welcome return in the fi lm, and tion can sit quite comfortably between become quite the heartbreaker in the after War Horse fares a lot better here, his gritty look works well although his I DOOOOOOO the two in terms of quality: a reliable future, to be used as a twisted vessel of as he has plenty more material and connection to Pip is not well estab- Clint keeps an eye on his swinging balls..

human/sports drama wanting to be Trouble with the Curve taken seriously, it takes one too many easy routes to tie everything up, great- Director: Robert Lorenz ly diminishing whatever dramatic im- Screenwriter: Randy Brown pact it could have had, drowning it all Starring: Clint Eastwood, Amy out with too much sap. Adams, Justin Timberlake But the overall results can be de- scribed as a heart-warming experi- You’re not working on any more albums are ya...punk? ence, thanks mostly to Eastwood doing what he often does best. His extreme irritable mood and coldness Film Editor tant father. He pushes her away for the a sugar-coated, easy-going narrative easy, with Mickey blaming her father towards his own daughter are person- John Park corny, cheesy reasons explained in a that bombards us with optimism, but for her emotional problems that aff ect ality traits that may seem incompre- teary exposé given by the usually stern the many, many fl aws and lazy story- her personal life. Her father’s been hensible at times, but for a man who father. It’s supposed to be all the more telling often threaten to jeopardise the distant. She therefore doesn’t trust doesn’t want to accept the fact that Aren’t you tired of this same old for- touching as he’s not the kind of guy fi lm’s good and honest intentions. men. Classic soapy story that’s been his body is not the way it’s used to be, mula? Once again, we get an underdog to get touchy feely with his emotions. Having to deal with declining health done hundreds of times over. Enter there is a fair amount of sympathy to sports movie (baseball…yawn…) that And also guess what happens when is never an easy task for anyone, es- Johnny (Timberlake), a fellow scout, be aroused and the fi lm cashes in on carves out its path the minute the lead the uptight city lawyer meets the fun- pecially for someone who prefers to having nothing but respect for Gus every moment to capture his ailing character is introduced. Once again, loving, free-spirited country boy. She be alone in his quiet life. Working as and a keen pair of eyes for Mickey. health. And no matter how heart- we see the ageing Clint Eastwood begins to smile, she begins to laugh, a baseball scout who refuses to mod- When it comes to dealing with the breaking it may be to see Dirty Harry playing a grumpy man with snarky and fully embraces the country girl ernise his ways with computers and baseball aspect of the story, it often shed some tears over his dead wife, outbursts and failing health or to put within; because no-one can be happy electronic data analysis opting instead fares worse than the human drama. was it really essential to have him sing more simply, channelling what he did working in the city wearing suits all to watch the live games of various Gus knows everything there is to “You are my sunshine” by her grave- in Gran Torino. Once again, Amy Ad- day hounded by our nasty bosses to players, Gus (Eastwood) faces a non- know. He knows every single kind side? ams fi lls the role of a charming, ador- meet all the project deadlines. renewal of his scouting contract as of pitching there is in baseball, and Due to the many bumps and an- able female, this time as Eastwood’s But in a strange way, director Lor- the big bosses aren’t convinced by his therefore puts him a class above all noying audience-insulting moves daughter. Once again, singer-turned- enz, a frequent Eastwood collaborator old ways. His stubborn nature won’t the “interweb” (how original)-ob- along the way, the overall result seems serious-actor Justin Timberlake eases in his feature fi lm directorial debut, let him do otherwise, and his wor- sessed suits. And guess who comes underwhelming. But with a cast into the role of a cheeky young love makes certain aspects work, and even ried friend Pete (John Goodman) en- out triumphant in the end. Plus there this good, performing only to their interest. with all the tiresome narrative pitfalls lists the help of Gus’ daughter Mickey are the obligatory build-ups and slow- strengths and with a guilty-pleasure Th ere is dysfunctional family drama the script doesn’t even bother to try (Adams) who is also a baseball whizz motion fi nales to really lay everything element attached to the underdog as the father and daughter are es- to avoid, there are scenes of genuine herself knowing all sorts of facts and on thickly. Subtlety is certainly not story, you’ll almost forgive its sluggish tranged. She is a career-driven city tender-hearted emotions as the actors trivia about the sport. Th e relation- one of the fi lm’s features and the end- style with which it chooses to pitch its girl, seeking the approval of her dis- fully engage in what they do best with ship between the two has never been ing suff ers greatly because of it. For a story. FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 29

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] This is one scary movie

Despoina Paschou Film Writer novel by Walter Kim, and was written unreal – ambitions and insecurities of again fresh and contemporary and in the same year by Sheldon Turner a girl of her age and education. You the dialogue is natural and brisk and and was purchased by DreamWorks enjoy seeing her rising against her there’s where lies a lot of the movie’s Jason Reitman’s third directorial ef- in 2003. Th en the Reitmans found out “mentor” (the scenes they share are charm. As mentioned above, Reit- fort (after Th ank you for Smoking and about it, which resulted to its 2009 re- some of the best of the movie) as well man does not only rely on his leads, my ever-favourite Juno) establishes lease by Paramount, right in the feast as falling apart. but to the full cast (which includes the him as one of Hollywood’s talents and of world fi nancial crisis. Some of the best acting, though, oc- talents of Jason Bateman, Danny Mc- also creates another nepotism case No one can deny that Clooney is one curs by the fi red people. Reitman in- Bride, Zach Galifi anakis, and Melanie (his father is director Ivan Reitman, of the fi nest American actors – or, bet- famously used people that have been Lynskey) to deliver a strong result. of Ghostbusters and Dave fame, who ter, artists. His big range, combined fi red sometime in their life in order Finally, the image Reitman creates also serves as producer for this mov- with his dashing looks, allow him to to deliver a more realistic result. Th e for America is far from idyllic. Even ie). He tells the story of Ryan Bingham portray his character honestly and scenes where Natalie and Ryan fi re though Natalie is apparently chasing (George Clooney), a successful cor- gives us the whole emotional journey Bob (J.K. Simmons) and where Natalie her piece of the American dream, only porate downizer and a motivational from a man who voluntarily isolates fi res via videocall Mr. Samuels (Steve to realise that this is hardly doable, speaker – who motivates people to himself to one who is in need of hu- Eastin) are among the most powerful she does it through the non-ideal way. live their life independent from rela- man contact and back. Ryan is defi - of the fi lm. Th ere are no pretty, lush valleys or tionships, a lifestyle he enjoys to prac- nitely an unlikable character, an yet we Th e opening scene of the movie, beautiful, luxurious houses. Th ere are tice. Willingly alienated, Ryan’s biggest root for him. He makes scene where combined with the song, is an ironic cold hotel rooms, even colder, wintery ambition is to reach his 10,000,000 air he reaches his initial goal is equally wink to what America portrays. It gets towns and empty offi ces, ready to get miles goal. In one of his stops he meets funny, thought-provoking and sad and you to the point right before the actual rid of even more souls. Alex (Vera Farmiga) an equally cynical at the end, he seems to be less than the movie begins. Th e irony of the song As the last two years pass by it be- and attractive woman, with whom he douche I thought him to be. about a country that seemingly off ers comes even more painful to watch this creates a “no strings attached” rela- Vera Farmiga, his female counter- everything, and yet it failed its people movie, in a way. At its fi rst viewing, it tionship, something – initally – ideal part, does more that the job of keep- so badly. was a movie about someone’s isola- for him. ing herself against a strong lead. She Th e choice of the colours of the tion. As our world progresses into a Ryan’s world starts to fall apart when manages to deliver a performance that movie for the most part – blue and kind of demise, it becomes, “a scary the keen, freshly Ivy League graduate, makes the audience both love and hate greyish – refl ect pretty much Ryan’s movie”. Scary because people like Natalie (Anna Kendrick is a revelation her, creates the essential anti-heroine life and psychism. Only in few scenes, Ryan Bingham exist and do the job he here) is hired in the same company as who could be a man’s rising – and like Ryan and Alex’s meeting and at does. As someone in the movie said, him and with a breakthrough proposal ends up becoming his demise. the family gathering, the atmosphere it makes me wonder how such people she threatens to demolish Ryan’s life- Th e revelation of the fi lm, though, is becomes warmer, and you suspect can sleep at night. But every single style for good. a certain Kendrick. In the likes of An- that the protagonist’s soul gets a simi- time I watch the fi lm the same ques- Th is is a kind of prophetical fi lm – nette Bening, she brings a sassy and lar eff ect. tion comes up: How do you fi re some- the screenplay is adapted by a 2001 breezy Natalie, full of the – sometimes As with Juno, the direction is yet one like Ryan Bingham?

Anthony’s Anti Academy Awards Peter vs PETA

Lucy Wiles Film Editor “It makes me want to throw up, it re- Lucy Wiles Film Editor written to Jackson to voice their con- (AHA) was on hand to monitor all ally does. It’s sick-making. I’ve seen it cerns. use of animals by the production. No so many times. I saw it fairly recently, Jackson responded with an open animals died or were harmed on set Sir Anthony Hopkins, winner of the last year. Some great producer-mogul Th e Lord of the Rings and Th e Hobbit statement. “Th e producers of Th e during fi lming. Academy Award for Best Actor for his and everyone kisses this guy’s back- director Peter Jackson is currently Hobbit take the welfare of all ani- “We regret that some of these ac- portrayal of Hannibal Lector in Th e side. I think, “What are they doing? at loggerheads with animal rights mals very seriously and have always cusations by wranglers who were dis- Silence of the Lambs, has labeled the Don’t they have any self respect?’ I activist group PETA (People for the pursued the highest standard of missed from the fi lm over a year ago Academy Awards system ‘disgusting’. wanted to say, ‘Fuck off ’.” Ethical Treatment of Animals) over care for animals in their charge,” he are only now being brought to our In a recent interview with Th e Huff - Despite having said this, Welsh- alleged animal cruelty during the stated. “Any incidents that occurred attention. We are currently investi- ington Post, Hopkins voiced his con- born Hopkins, 74, says he has abso- fi lming of the Tolkien stories’ fi lm that were brought to their attention gating these new allegations and are cerns over the sycophantic behaviour lutely no plans to retire. franchise. as regards to this care were immedi- attempting to speak with all parties actors are expected to show towards “I don’t ever want to retire. I did a Jackson has vehemently denied ately investigated and appropriate ac- involved to establish the truth.” the Oscar judges if they are to win an few years ago. I didn’t actually plan claims made by animal handlers tion taken. Th is includes hundreds of Kathy Guillermo, the senior vice award. it, but I thought, ‘Maybe I should just within his production team that up thousands of dollars that were spent president of laboratory investigations “I’ve been around – I’ve got the Os- slow down and call it a day’. My wife to twenty-seven animals used in the on upgrading housing and stable fa- at PETA, said informers on the set of car myself for Th e Silence of the Lambs said to me, ‘You do that, you will die. fi lms died as a direct result of neglect. cilities in early 2011. Th e Hobbit had been in contact with – and having to be nice to people You can’t retire. It’s your work; it’s Th e handlers, who worked on Th e “Th e producers completely reject the PETA following the organisa- and to be charming and fl irting with your life. You love working’. Lord of the Rings trilogy, claim that the accusations that twenty-seven tion’s previous active roles exposing them... oh, come on,” he said, with dis- “When men retire – particularly the deaths of various horses, goats, animals died due to mistreatment animal care issues on other fi lm sets. dain. men – if they get out too early, they chicken and sheep were due to the during the making of the fi lms. Ex- “We want to send a clear message to “People go out of their way to fl atter usually die of stress or loneliness or living conditions at the nearby farm traordinary measures were taken to Hollywood that they need to be very the nominating body and I think it’s they drink too much or their hearts where they were kept, which was al- make sure that animals were not used careful when using animals and take kind of disgusting. Th at’s always been give out. I think a certain amount of legedly full of ‘bluff s, sinkholes and during action sequences or any other all the precautions that need to be against my nature. stress in life is good. Th e stress of just other deathtraps’ – although they ad- sequence that might create undue taken,” she is quoted as saying. “You know, kissing the backside working, which takes eff ort – I think it mit that no animals were harmed on stress for the animals involved. Th e Hobbit: An Unexpected Jour- of the authorities that can make or keeps you going.” the set itself. “Over 55% of all shots using animals ney, which is the much-anticipated break it – I can’t stand all that. I fi nd Hopkins is currently tipped for an PETA has now taken up the cry, in Th e Hobbit are in fact computer fi rst installment of the Hobbit trilogy, it nauseating to watch and I think it’s Oscar nomination for his portrayal and is now threatening to protest at generated; this includes horses, po- is scheduled to debut on the 28th disgusting to behold. People groveling of Alfred Hitchcock in his new fi lm, the upcoming New Zealand, UK and nies, rabbits, hedgehogs, birds, deer, November 2012 in Wellington, New around and kissing the backsides of Hitchcock, which is to be released in US premieres of Th e Hobbit: An Un- elk, mice, wild boars and wolves. Zealand, and will open at cinemas in famous producers and all that. the UK on February 8th 2013. expected Journey – having previously Th e American Humane Association the UK on the 13th December. 30 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] Pick-up artistry & arseholery Men of Imperial – some compulsory reading from Catina Willows

xkcd.com ingle? Virgin? Afraid to “this one weird old tip to get laid!” admit this because Felix he’s a BBF – beta boyfriend. Most told you you should quit sickeningly, there’s LMR. That’s “last Swhining about it, so now minute resistance” from a girl, for you just keep it all bot- which there’s countless guides to tled up inside and wank while you overcoming, or “forcing” your way cry yourself to sleep at night? Don’t through. There’s another word for worry, you’re not alone! Er, sorry, that. Here’s a clue: it begins with R you are alone, but this is Imperial, and Felix commenters won’t shut up and there’s a lot of other people out about it. there just like you. The neg. Oh, the infamous neg. Catina Willows So, what are you going to do about This is where you give a girl back- it? You know you’ve got to get out handed compliments to lower her there and pick up chicks, but none of self-esteem to the point where she’ll your three A*s were in social skills. sleep with even a guy like you. Oh, You made some bad first impres- wait, apparently it “brings the wom- sions and now all the girls in halls an (especially very attractive wom- think you’re the “weird one,” so you en, who are used to getting com- just keep making awkward chit-chat pliments) down a notch and shows in the kitchen while even the guys that the PUA is not overawed by her who play D&D hook up. You turn to beauty. Second, it creates a bit of a the internet (it’s never let you down challenge, so, if the woman is at all before!), fire up Chrome in incognito interested, she will start chasing the mode and, fingers shaking, type in PUA and trying to win his approval.” “seduction techniques.” Yeah, I’m sure the ladies will be hot Welcome to the world of the pick- on your tails after you ask them if up artist, or PUA. These commu- their shoes are from Primark. The nities of self-styled experts – part usual response to this is known as salesman, part con artist, part sex the “fuck off, jerk!” offender – teach AFCs (that’s “aver- Peacocking – this is the art of age frustrated chumps” – guys like wearing a daring and unusual piece you) secrets of the “game.” Their of clothing to make you stand out. techniques, they say, will teach you There’s some truth to this, but what These to be a pro womaniser in no time, PUA guides fail to tell you is that it and some of them are even giving really hinges on having a sense of out the advice for free! Like any good style. PUA guru “Mystery,” with his communities Imperial scientist/engineer (delete eyeliner and fluffy top hat, looks as appropriate) you’re sceptical, but like a rejected extra from an Adam of self-styled these guys’ FRs (field reports) talk Ant video. Funny? Kinda. ? Let’s about them getting #-closes and f- just say that James Bond hasn’t worn closes all the time (that’s, er “num- a hat since 1973 for a reason. Your experts - part ber close” and “fuck close”); there’s “classy” fedora you’ve bought to go got to be some truth to it, right? with your cargo shorts and Trivium These methods are pretty much just t-shirt isn’t fooling anyone. salesman, lessons in being an annoying twat, A great blogger once said on the because we all know girls just love to topic of friendzoning that “women part con date assholes. Let’s have a look! aren’t machines that you put kind- “WTF, PUA, HB#, LMR, OFWG- ness coins into until you get sex.” KTA” – the PUA world is filled with Women aren’t machines that can be artist, part acronyms. Women aren’t “women,” reprogrammed to give you sex for a drink out of pity. Oh, you’re neg- to form a meaningful relationship. they’re HBs (hot babes) rated from free, either. Bear that in mind next ging me? Why yes, actually, my top The sooner you realise that there’s 1 to 10. AFOG is the alpha female time you go “sarging” and trying out is second-hand, just like everything no magic trick that’s going to get sex offender of group, like Regina George (watch your “game” stammering out aw- that comes out of your mouth. you into a girl’s pants, the sooner Mean Girls if that’s lost on you: seri- ful pick-up lines in Metric. Tell you Yeah, so some people can bully you might start talking naturally ously) and if one of these has a rela- what, try one on me and if it’s pa- and coerce women into giving out to people – you might even get tionship with a guy who doesn’t need thetic enough, I might just buy you their numbers, but that’s no way into a girl’s pants. Ciao!

Getting less hot steamy action than a heritage railway enthusiast? ”Write us a letter! [email protected] FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 31

Comment Editors: George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson COMMENT [email protected] Fear of flying: just common sense! Stephanie Walton shares her travel woes – and makes some worrying predictions for the future

lying is terrifying: trust me, I’ve tried it. And don’t bother trying to Fcontradict me, because how could sitting in a metalmet can 30,000 feet up in the air not be scary? Don’tD get me wrong though. I’m a PhysicistPhy and a firm believer in both Bernoulli’sBer Principle and Newton’s Second Law (indeed I have no objec- Stephanie Walton tion to any of Newton’s laws). I know that the plane should stay in the air. And I’m reliably informed that I’m more likely to meet my end in Lap- land, ravaged by kangaroos, than be involved in even the most minor of aviation incidents. This doesn’t reas- sure me, but instead just increases my wariness around those unusual marsupials. Flying is scary because you have absolutely no control over what is going on. If and when something bad happens, the chances of escap- I’m reliably ing alive are slim. In addition, you can do nothing to maximise your Seems perfectly chances of survival – you’re all in safe to me informed the same boat, so to speak. Surely all humans feel this helplessness when they fasten their seatbelt, ready for that I’m more take off? So why is it that I find myself in the you say. No way – they’re the ones more thought. Flanders and Swann he’s surely capable of making it hap- minority ‘fear-of-flying’ camp? Why who always look the least happy on certainly understood where I was pen. Space tourism will soon be all likely to meet am I the only one who cowers under the flight. When you catch your two coming from, exemplified in their too real and, as with flying, you’ll be their blanket during take off? Why seconds’ glimpse of them sipping witty piece “By Air”: “If God had missing out on lots of adventures if my end in doesn’t everyone else, like me, try to their champagne, they’re never smil- intended us to fly, He would never you don’t hop on board. find the airline with the best safety ing. Indeed, if any of these economy have given us the railways.” But the So, next time you fly, fasten your record, as opposed to the one easiest class people who claim to enjoy fly- truly frightening thing is that, whilst seatbelt, put your rug over your Lapland, on the pocket? And why on earth do ing actually genuinely do, I’m going Flanders had to get his head around head, sit back (though not too far, some people claim to enjoy flying? I to find them and ask them to judge flying, we’re going to have to em- your seat-back must remain firmly mean, supposing they’ve conquered my thesis – they must be extremely brace rocket travel. Indeed, some in the upright position) and (try to) ravaged by the whole scary bit with the plane in easy to please. already are. Sarah Brightman, the relax. And if it all seems too awful, the sky, surely they can’t find zero I expect that in the early twentieth singer, is heading off to the Interna- then count your lucky stars that you kangaroos leg-room, a barely audible film and century when commercial aviation tional Space Station in 2015. And the don’t (yet) have to endure space sick- dubious food pleasurable? “Perhaps was just taking off (no pun intended) entrepreneur Elon Musk wants to go ness and bone loss just to become “ they’re business class people?” I hear people would have given flying a bit to Mars. He co-founded PayPal, so well-travelled.

Letters hunter fi nds no rabbits, he just hunts Felix prides itself on being the ‘student receive, including the frankly bizarre writer completely just because we do elsewhere, or he even settles with ducks, voice’ at Imperial. In that case, what article to which you refer below. not necessarily endorse their opinions, not being sure whether the rabbit or the does it say about us, the students, when As you rightly stated, any piece which notwithstanding their rather inelegant duck is mostly appreciated.” sexist articles make it into press? We un- supports the predation of women cross- mode of expression. Th is principle is Sir, Comparing women to game dehuman- derstand the importance of giving peo- es a line which should not be crossed. embodied in Felix’s motto, which is ises them by treating them like animals ple a chance to have their voice heard, We are sure that this was not the inten- “keep the cat free”. We are writing this letter in response to incapable of higher thought. Not only but when an article implicitly supports tion of the author, although we do real- Furthermore, we are convinced that an article published in the Comment that, it plays into a harmful narrative the predation of women it crosses a line ise that the quote which you reference the contents of the article will not be section on 23/11/12, entitled ‘Virgins: in which they are sport or sustenance for that shouldn’t be crossed. may be conducive to the formation of taken as representative of the views of quit whining!’. Th e attitude toward men rather than people with their own that opinion when taken out of context. the student body, but merely as those women in this article is exemplifi ed in lives and aspirations. Turning some peo- IC Feminist Society Committee Had we considered the contents of the of the writer in question. Everyone has this quote: “Getting back on the title, ple into targets lets others get away with published article to be out of keeping a right to reply whether in article or guys are concerned about the “lack of sexual harassment and assault even in with appropriate standards, we would letter form, and we are very grateful ” Comment Editors’ reply: females” (which directly eff ects their sex ‘enlightened’ societies in the West – in our not have allowed it to be printed - and for the fact that you have done so. life), while mostly girls are complain- own country, 25% of respondents to the indeed, some parts of the original piece ing about sexism. Dudes! Wake up! NUS’ Hidden Marks survey revealed that As Comment editors, we are obliged were removed for this reason. How- Kind regards, For the “lack of females” issue, when a they had been sexually assaulted. to print whatever contributions we ever, we absolutely cannot censure a Felix Comment Editors 32 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] We wish you a Merry Christmas! It’s the fi rst of December tomorrow, so this is like, OK and that

hat part of was always gorgeous at Christmas the street. posite, and it sure doesn’t sound like Christmas do time; a white Christmas was rather a And let me not forget the snow. Th at good news. But it is, and here’s why. you look for- preposterous idea to my young mind, fi rst Christmas, I awoke one morn’ to It means that God is not Father W ward to most? and I never for a moment fell for this the sight of a landscape covered in a Christmas, a distant fi gure watch- Th e music, the silly business of enjoying a freezing blanket of white. ing your every step to see if you are gifts, the cheer...? Where to begin! cold winter Christmas. And suddenly, those countless songs naughty or nice, concerned only with Back when I was a lad, I lived in the But that was Christmas to me, and I’d listened to, and enjoyed singing, his presents. Everyone loves Santa far-off land of Ethiopia. And so it was I cherished it. Never once did I think became real. Th e Christmas I’d heard one day of the year, but the rest of the that my fi rst memorable experiences that Christmas could get any better. about but never really paid any atten- time he’s just a loner. Is that the story of Christmas were set in that amaz- I returned to the UK aged fourteen, tion to was suddenly my actual Christ- of God? ing country. Christmas was always a during summer, which left me think- mas, and it was better than any I’d had No. Th is is a God whose gift is him- Luke Baldwin time of fun and joy, a relaxed and even ing the weather here wasn’t too bad. before; Christmas had improved. self, his all, his own life. And it’s not magical time of the year which I al- I was wrong. Th e days grew shorter I’d love to invite you to never stop just gifted to those good enough to ways loved. and colder, and I began to wallow in searching for a happier Christmas, merit it, but it’s a free gift to everyone. Christmas in Ethiopia, though, isn’t dismay at the loss of Ethiopia, and and if I may off er a way to do so, let me Th is is a God who comes to the world quite the same. For starters, they’ve refused to embrace this pathetic and share with you the foundation of my out of love, his intention to befriend got the date all wrong; they celebrate miserable season as the fulfi lment of Christmas, which has and will always us, and who comes off ering joy. it on January the 6th. Not only did this many a besotted artist’s Christmas be by far the most joyful part of it. I asked you at the start what your lead to a great deal of confusion about songs. On an ordinary night in a small town favourite part of Christmas was, and I’d love to in- when one could open one’s presents, But then came Christmas, and for some 2000 years ago, a small, wrinkly there are so many things to choose but while I was enjoying my Christ- the fi rst time I began to see what it baby was born in a little room, sur- from, but for me the lowly birth of a mas, all my friends were still waiting was all about! Th e twinkling lights rounded by stinking animals and laid baby eclipses them all. vite you to for theirs, which wasn’t ideal, but I still strung across dark cobbled streets, in a disgustingly unhygienic man- If you would like to keep searching loved the Christmas season. the smell of crushed pine nee- ger. Th e lowest and most humili- for an even Merrier Christmas, con- And the presents, well, the pre- dles, the rich fl avours of ating of births imaginable, a sider starting here, with Jesus. never stop sents were never great in all honesty. mince pies and the real birth, a baby who Th e Christian Union carol service When the only shop in town is the warmth of mulled screamed and cried is happening on the 8th of December. searching local butcher, you aren’t exactly over- wine. Th e season like any other; and I We’d love you all to come along and whelmed by gift options. But nev- seems capable of truly believe this baby get into the Christmas Spirit with us. ertheless, those presents that I did making even the was God. Sing some Christmas Carols, enjoy for a happier receive always brought tremendous most miserable Th is may not be the some mince pies, and if you would excitement and joy. of folk able pro- charming nativity like to fi nd out a little more about Je- Oh, and the music. What’s all this duce a friendly scene that you’ve sus, about whom so many songs of joy Christmas business of dreaming about a white “hello” as you heard of before, in have been written. Christmas? In Ethiopia the weather pass them on fact, quite the op- I wish you all a Merry Christmas! “Not all people are born equal Yasser Mahmoud on the recent conflict in Gaza

’m sat across the table from will undoubtedly not forget be- It’s funny that his family ended was witnessed four year ago in my friend from Gaza; he ing brought up without a mother up in Gaza at all, expelled by the 2008/2009 and that is what we saw only got back a week ago but – or maybe she will be killed be- Israelis from a town called Ashdod in the eight days past, a collective Isomehow home has man- fore the end. I hear they have just in the ethnic cleansing of 1948, punishment for a population that aged to fi nd its way back on announced a ceasefi re, so maybe along with seven hundred thou- dared to resist. It is also ironic that ” the news. In between bites of SCR there’s hope for her yet. sand others from their homes. these operations pop up every few chicken he tells me about his friends Our conversation moves to his His grandparents have never been years conveniently just before Is- back home. I ask if they’re OK and nephew, not yet three years old back and neither has he: Palestin- raeli elections, as if the price to he nods. Suddenly he remembers but already taking it upon himself ian refugees aren’t allowed to go be paid for political success is the that one of his friend’s sisters has to warn the household when he and see the places they once called number of Palestinians one can died. He tells me that she left behind hears the sound of explosions out- home. It’s ironic that Ashdod is butcher. Yasser Mahmoud a baby, a little girl only 14 months side. Th ere are no sirens in Gaza, also on the news, the destination Th e point at which we resign old – another orphan and another no warning of the impending de- of many of the rockets fi red from ourselves to apathy and think that dead mother. Of course she was Pal- struction of a bomb or a missile. Gaza, only a 20 minute drive away, one people, in some corner of the estinian, nationless and now dead, Th ere are no public shelters to fl ee so close to home yet a world away. world, are dying just because that her only crime to have been born in to or safe rooms to hide in, just the Th e numbers game in Gaza is is how things are, is the point at Gaza. cries of children, it seems, warn- not important, but no doubt the which we lose our humanity. I Why would she matter anyway? ing their families when they hear death toll will be tragic. Need- pray for peace in the Middle East She is only one person, one among loud noises. Th e children of Gaza less to say that when one of the but I realise that there can never more than one hundred and sixty may yet sleep in peace tonight, a world’s most advanced armies in be a lasting peace in the absence others. She will become nothing change from the incessant sound the form of the Israeli Defence of justice, and the blood of guilt- more than a statistic, a number, of drones piercing the night, the Forces decides to punish a peo- less people will continue to be soon to be forgotten and per- sound of a million lawnmowers ple with no army, no navy and spilt, so long as politicians play haps contributing to a Wikipedia with the occasional bang shaking no air force, what happens is not games with the lives of innocents page or a news article. Her child them awake. war, it is a massacre. Th at is what in the balance. FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 33

Coffee Break Boss: Matt Colvin [email protected] COFFEE BREAK

No loan woes HOT! The Coffee Break Team COLINCO FIRTH

After something of a Photoshop- about how Starbucks have those based hiatus last week, the team new Christmas cups, but it turns formerly known as the team that out that I do not give a single soli- previously brought you Coffee tary shilling about coffee conglom- Break return to stake their claim to erates, so I’ll take a step back on these hallowed pages. that one. That is, unless Starbucks BEING A PERSON So what is there to muse about would consider sponsorship in re- these past couple of weeks while turn for vouchers or something. OF ADMIRABLE you kick back, relax, and get on the Come to think of it, I’ll put anoth- scene? er name out there. Nandos. Black QUALITIES Not a lot really. card. Post one over and we’ll share It seems that this week was over the food related wealth around faster than shares in an Antarcti- campus. can ice-cream company (under the Of course, all of this isn’t just be- assumption that, of course, they cause my student loan’s running haven’t expanded into markets considerably low. THE DULCET that have a need of frozen treats - Sorry, just went ahead and yes, it’s tenuous, deal with it). checked. Turns out it is. What are TONES OF ALAN I guess I could write something the chances? RICKMAN BARACK OBAMA MARQUEEWATCH WEARING A PHOTOSHOPPED HAT THE END OF AT A JAUNTY ANGLE OF THE WEEK TERM Imperial Lovestruck INSOMNIA

We chanced upon one another after I found you rescu- ing an adorable kitten from the tree by Oriental Canteen. HARD I think you did Mech Eng? Anyway, you obviously love animals - so do I! Call me, you know who! XOXO – Biololo- GRAFTING lolologist

Saw you using a Nokia Lumia outside the QTR and con- AT OF THE TIME OF GOING TO PRINT, THERE sidered striking up conversation over our similar phones. Then I saw that your phone’s screen was shattered beyond MANUAL WERE NO MARQUEES ON THE QUEEN’S LAWN all recognition. Wasn’t that chic, I’m afraid. Get it sorted. – WORD Nokia Fan COUNTING Saw you doing a reflux in the lab. Your obvious skill in the INTERESTING THOUGHT arts of fi ltration intrigued me, and I would defi nitely like to learn about your intriguing choice of techniques (and FOR THE DAY perhaps your favourite genre of fi lm) over a tepid carbon- ara if you would be so kind to accept. If not, fare thee well! FROZEN I shall attempt to widen my knowledge of the process by PEAS “Maybe it’s best to do all of the wash- myself. – Sighing Chemist ing up in one go, because then there won’t be any washing up to do until We’ve gone all Love Actually here in the offi ce. That is, I’m bang- you next need to wash something up.” ing my head against the wall, waiting for it to end. Help us NNOT! out if you will, organise your own Christmas Lovestruck mira- OT cle! Email [email protected] with your tale of festive joy. ! 34 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

HANGMAN [email protected]

twatter The Hangman Guide to:

Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Ruining a dinner party

Ffs Cleggman why couldn’t you just agree with my Leveson Enquiry response? How to turn Come Dine With Me into “please Cleggmanxxx leave this second and we are no longer friends” Have incredibly bad table You didn’t make a response. You just Ahhh dinner parties. To all the fresh- said ‘Bring back Xena’ ers: they’ll become a thing next year. manners To everyone in other years: if you’re thinking “hey, I don’t get invited to 2Elbows on the table, slurping soup, Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! any dinner parties” then the answer is you know the drill. Also, call the host “everyone hates you and thinks you’re a twat and punch them in the face. a tool”. Congrats! Th at’s generally a faux pas. What’s the Yeah. Xena the Warrior Princess. Here’s a however-many-I-can-be- Put your feet on the tables, What happened to her? bothered-to-write point guide to ru- relevance of this inging a perfectly nice night. bare foot. you ask like an idiot. 3 It’s Dave Lamb, the Cleggmanxxx Break out a membership Don’t wash your feet for a few weeks sarcastic guy that Wtf does Xena the Warrior Prin- form to the Ku Klux Klan building up to the night. Have loads of narrates the show cess have to do with the Leveson and order everyone to fi ll it calluses and blisters. If possible, have Enquiry? 1out. bunions and scratch your feet over Urinate in the coffee before someone’s soup. it’s served Dominate conversation: talk Slap out a membership form and ex- 5 Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! plain how it’s the “way forward” for exclusively about how you In front of everyone is just the boring She was awesome Cleggman. She the world. For added dramatic feel, 4 and, to be frank, cliché way to do it. “found yourself” in your gap was a warrior, Cleggman…and a wear a bedsheet under your clothes year. Sneak into the kitchen and do it. Say princess. and unbutton your shirt like a super- you made the coff ee better with your hero to reveal it. Grab a fake gun and special addition. Explain how you hold it to the hosts head screaming Standard twattery advice for all sce- learnt about this recipe on your gap OBAMARAMATYME2012 “SIGN THE FORM”. When your host narios really. Refer to every single year (see next point). Wait until every- has fi nished crying, shout “just a bit of tribe and culture you encountered. one drinks some and then reveal what banter”. Tell the whole table how you have a it is. Say you also drizzled it on every- If you’re the host, serve it up as des- new outlook on life and how it’s made one’s chocolate cake. Call everyone a And she was hot sert on a tray, saying: “I think you’ll you see everything diff erently. Inform giant bunch of squeamish and uncul- fi nd the last course... intriguing”. Th en them how you were “astounded at na- tured idiots when they get annoyed at Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! wait. Major awks. ture”. this. Storm out. And she was hot. Is your wife a hot Rap Lyric of the Week Hangman’s Sidebar of shame warrior princess Cleggman? No. And FAIL TODAY neither is mine. Xena is all we ever had. Skepta: “All Over The House” Robbie Williams walks Cleggmanxxx out of house in a COAT Robbie could be pregnant, or so I’m not denying any of these things, his friend says, as he’s spotted it just has nothing to do with the romping around in a coat that he Leveson Enquiry. reportedly “bought in a shop one day” because he was a “bit cold”. willyoujoinmymiliband? We were chillin’, then we had sex In the kitchen, in the shower “I’m not sure about the In my bed, on the couch whole hair thing, it’s a bit In other words: we had sex BRING BACK CLEGGMAN! diffi cult” All over the house Hair malfunction for incredibly All over the house Cleggmanxxx minor royal (she doesn’t know it yet) All over the house E Tess Daly has barely noticeable hair E CHANG change, our forensic scientist fi nds. MMASSIVEASSIV CHANGE I’m here. I haven’t gone anywhere. Insightful and thought provoking Are you guys high? Skepta. One point though. If that is indeed “all over the house” then you have a pretty fucking small house. I Wearing something willyoujoinmymiliband? thought you were a rap star with loads that is purple. We reveal of money, as you usually boast about how Megan Fox wore ap- your cash. Apparently, you don’t have a second bedroom, or a dinner table, propriate clothing for an Yeah :( or an offi ce. Recession hurts. What the event. fuck was this: some sort of bungalow. 5000 word report inside! Not very hood. FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 35

[email protected] HANGMAN

THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS

DDMOTWMOTW If you think this is an approximation of his love for cars, you Kensington bike thief should see the outtakes with the exhaust pipes... odds. Got a photo of someone being a waste of a student loan? surprised by overzealous Get permission, then just send it to us at: [email protected] Nobody (including Felix) condones excessive drinking. Please drink responsibly motherfuckers. police reaction HOROSCOPES – Mystic Meg eat your heart out CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you set fi re to the This week you’re in the library This week you’re strug- This week you see from the This week you’re somehow This week you attend Union rain, and watch it burn as you looking for Janeway’s The gling to get over the split of other end of the corridor still manager of Chelsea, Council. It’s so long and dull touch my face. This air pol- Cell because you ill advis- WU LYF. Unfortunately you that your PhD supervisor is unfortunately your reputa- you’re forced to eat your left lution is a serious problem, I edly ruined your own copy by don’t get much sympathy walking your way. You jump tion has now sunk to the leg out of a mixture of bore- mean it’s burning really rath- revising in the bath, you for- from your friends because out of the nearest window point that you start get- dom and hunger. As you er furiously. Oh Christ now got that it weighs about 400 no one likes them and in an attempt to avoid con- ting booed even when you hop away dejectedly, you the clouds are on fi re, oh lord pounds and dropped it in the you’re just being a whingey versation. Looking back as walk into lectures. You ask take solace in the fact that stop touching my face I think water. You realise that you’re hipster about it. Saddened, you plummet to your death, Fernando Torres for help students throughout Impe- we should fi nd cover. This is doing a Mech Eng degree you go home and watch you see the look of relief on your problem sheet, but rial will be thankful for your the worst Civ Eng fi eld trip anyway, and go home and re .gifs of their videos on Tum- and joy on your supervisors it turns out he’s useless at sacrifi ce for student welfare ever. think your life. blr. face. physics too. Twat. LOL JK. CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week you go ice skat- This week you are preparing This week you see a hot girl This week you go to a house This week you climb a statue This week you have to choose ing at the natural history for a date but realise you’ve in the library. Unfortunately party and actually manage to and take all your clothes off. between eating a pube toastie museum, unfortunately your run out of hair gel. You decide you are just a text book so pull. However, when you get You start humping the statue, for lunch every day for the rest of senior tutor is right infront of to improvise by using your you have no way of commu- home, your companion spends and oh god, the feel of cool your life or having a 5 foot green you, also ice skating. It’s go- cum instead. When it dries nicating your attraction to her. half an hour evacuating their bronze on your genitals feels tail. On the one hand the pube ing okay until in a bizarre ac- your hair looks all crusty and Wait! She’s coming this way! bowels in your toilet. They then good! But then the dodgy toastie would be disgusting, but cident his trousers fall down, you can’t wash it out. You start You put on your cool face fall asleep in your bed before blue study pills wears off it would defi nitely be more dis- you slip on the ice and one of wearing a hat to cover it up but and try not to look excited. anything exciting can happen. and you realise that you are crete and you could always add those irritatingly fast skating after two days it starts to really Devastatingly she takes the Oh well, at least you can boast to surrounded by police. Good cheese. On the other hand at children cuts between the smell; a second date is defi - book next to you down from all your friends that you brought luck explaining that one to least the tail would be a talking two of you. nitely off the cards. the shelf. someone home last night. your future employers! point. What’s it going to be? 36 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos, PUZZLES Louisa Byrne [email protected] Crossword 2012 - The end of the world? 1 2 3 3 5 6

7 More nonogam goodness; the 3 1 2 numbers show you the length 8 3 2 2 of the groups of black squares as 3 3 2 2 2 well as how many of them there 9 10 11 5 7 1 3 1 2 2 2 are in a row or column.

12 13 3 9 1 6 11 1 1 5 1 7 0 13 2 13 1

2 2 4 14 4

4 4 2 2 2 2 15 16 2 1 2 2 2 2 2

17 18 3 1 3

19 20 7 4 4 4 4 4 4 5 2 1 2 4 4

T R A N S F O R M E R S G 21 22 8 3 E A R A A W A R E

C A R D B O A R D N A N R

6 1 4 S A Z E U T M O S T 23 24 25 26 6 2 1 2 7 W O O L L E N B N R N N R S U B A R U 27 1 1 3 3 T A B L E E M U M D B O T F R E M O T E 1 1 1 1 4 B L O O D H O U N D U 28 29 30 E S U T A S I A 1 1 3 1 2 A T E A R J E R K E R L L E S S I I M 1 1 1 1 3 G R E N A D E O T H E L L O 2 2 3 4 A D A T S N 31 32 E W E S Y N O N Y M A I D

ACROSS 6. Measure of order of a system (7) Ophis Slitherlink 1. Social networking site (8) 7. Apple computer (3) 7. “Like a virgin” singer (7) 10. Word representing sound made when You all know how it works. Draw a single closed line by joining 8. Apologies (5) clearing throat to attract attention (4) Fill the cells with a continuous line that enters and exits the dots so that the numbered squares are surrounded by the 9. Imperial’s learning environment (10) 11. Harry Potter house elf (8) at the shown points, does not pass through a cell twice corresponding number of lines. 12. Very angry (5) 13. Carve words into (7) and passes through all white boxes. The numbers show 14. Daily newspaper (9) 14. When you can’t be bothered to cook you how many times the “snake” turns in a given row 332 3 3 15. Felix frequent puzzle (8) (4-4) or column.    19. Bring to life (7) 14. Decoration with no other purpose 3 221 3 2 20. Partially burnt and blackened (7) (8) This is a turn.This is not. This is not allowed. 21. Dull pain (4) 17. Doing arduous or unpleasant work 2 23. Facial expression (5) (8) 442 4 6 4 6 25. Span rapidly (7) 18. Sin of cheating on a spouse (8)   2 3 3 3 2 27. Ventilate (3) 20. The small bird _____ (made a high 4   28. Medic’s topic (7) pitched noise) (7)    3 3 2 3 30. Acceptive without resistance (7) 22. 22nd letter of the greek alphabet (3) 6   31. Breathed out (7) 24. Rubber like material (5)   3  2 2 32. Popular sport (5) 26. Device which generates intense   beams of coherent light (5)    333 22 DOWN 4  1 3 29. Military term initials, or singer (3)  1. Trend (7)    6  1 2 3 2 2. Sure (7) Puzzle Testers Needed  3. Coastal feature (3) Yes - there was one mistake this week 5   2 2 2 3 1 4. London Cricket ground (4) (See solution) and we are sorry. To make      5. Different wavelengths of visible light sure this doesn’t happen again - would 2 3 2 (7) you like to volunteer to help? Hashi FUCWIT Knights and Knaves League Table After the insanity disease subsided, the Island of Knights and Knaves saw an unprece- 1 2 3 21Connect all the islands dented rise in tourism. As tourists are, of course, neither knights nor knaves, they can tell with bridges so that you the truth or lie indiscriminately. The Mayor (who is a knight, and therefore a truth-teller) TEAMS 2 5 3 can get from any island once told me the following story: to any other one. There 124 TTBumbles 29 are restrictions, though: “I was walking along the beach when I happened across two fellows. Now, I knew their Epiphenomenal Imbroglii 18 4 6 3 4 2 the bridges have to be types (Knight, Knave, or Tourist), but I didn’t know who was which type. As I walked past either vertical or hori- them, they talked amongst themselves: “At least one of us is a tourist”, said one, and “At 3 2 1 2 INDIVIDUALS zonal and they must not least one of us is a knight”, said the other. Now, can you tell me their types?” 1 intersect. You can have Yufan Zhao 46 up to two bridges be- “Hold on”, I said. “I can’t. If you tell me whether you could fi gure out who was who, could 2 Wael Aljeshi 23 2 1 1 1 tween any two islands I determine their types?” He replied, and I knew what types the two fellows were. and, last but not least, M-Soup 16 24 4 6 3 Jake Humphrey 12 each island must have What types were they? What was the Mayor’s reply? exactly as many bridges Gordon Wu 4 31 1 Did the Mayor fi gure out who was which type? as the number on it Tan Wei Jie 3 2 53states. Jason Parmar 2 Solution to last week’s Knights and Knaves puzzle: 2 3 3 2 1 The simplest possible question you can ask that elicits a negative answer is “Are you an insane Send answers to puzzles.felix@ knight or a sane knave?” (i.e. “Are you a liar?”). To prove you are a sane knave, you can declare “I imperial.ac.uk. am an insane knight”. A sane knight and an insane knave would not say this, as it would be false, whereas a insane knight would not as it would be true. FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 37

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, Margot Pikovsky, Sorcha Cotter SPORT [email protected] Triathlon climb Castle Combe Ed Hallet Triathlon Chairman left in the bottom twenty runners. Just combination of jelly legs and poor grip to tease us, the fi rst run consisted of caused me to stumble and slip my way a mile run out, and a mile back to the up the course. Eventually we were back Th is was the race we’d looked forward transition zone. Th is meant that I could on tarmac (fl ooded tarmac), and I was to: the only BUCS competition this term watch all the people running the other waiting for the fi rst Imperial Triathlete and a highlight of the calendar. With way, already building a substantial lead to jog past me and say “Hi Ed” smugly as fi ve hundred people competing, it is while I was still going away from the fi n- they over took. It was Richard Flint. “Hi the biggest duathlon event in the coun- ish line. But this was to be expected, I Ed” he said predictably as he went by. I try. Hosted at the iconic Castle Combe am a slow runner. wanted to say something smug back but race track, athletes get to fl y around a It was then into transition and onto between clutching my burning abs and track that has held motoring events for the bike. With a swift T1 (transition 1) trying to get enough oxygen in me to over 60 years, and holds a great sense of of 38 seconds, I had already made up a keep going, there wasn’t the time. speed. One blessing of the race is that it few places; I am a cyclist after all, and With 800m to go, it was Marcus kicks off at 1:20pm; a civilised time we with the thrill of being on Castle Combe Bishop’s turn. “Hi Ed” he said, almost were very grateful of after the 8am start race track urging me on, I was moving as if they had planned it from the start. of the Hillingdon Duathlon just weeks up the rankings well. Th e long sweep- I could see the fi nish; I could see the before. ing corners meant there was no need to back of Marcus’s head bobbing away up We set off from uni, managing to stop pedalling. You would just get your the course in front of me. At that point fi t nine people – with bags and bikes body low, lean in to the corner, pedal I decided to man up and locked onto – into one minibus. With two people your heart out and get as close to the Marcus’s right fl ank with 400m to go. taking the train, and two more making wet white lines at the side of the track as He could hear me behind him and he’d their own way there, we had a thirteen you dared. Hugh Mackensie (our fast- picked up the pace. 200m to go and we person team. Sam O’Neill and Hendrik est competitor) stormed past me on his both broke out into a full sprint up the Frentrup deserve a special mention bike, already lapping people, him and fi nish line, neither of us wanting to let for driving us to the race and back, so the front runners were 4-5 minutes in it go, but I just had him, pipping him thanks guys! Due to Lucas Miseikis front by now. Th e sound of a triathlon through the gates by a second. With my turning up nearly an hour late however, bike carving up your right hand side, goal achieved, I threw my dignity to the we had to quickly register when we ar- the carbon resonating with the wind and proceeded to puke up against rived, set our bikes in the transition unrelenting speed they are being forced the railings four times. zone and have a short warm up. It was to spin at. It is a surreal sound, and I After regrouping with the team – hot time to get our game faces on for race hope one day to hear that noise from chocolate in hand – we shared race start. my own bike! results and learnt that we had done Due to torrential rain the previous After a death defying hairpin bend to exceptionally well. Hugh Mackenzie week, parts of the course were still wa- get into the transition zone again, I was did Imperial proud with 12th place, a ter logged, and despite the best eff orts off my bike sooner than I would have sensational achievement. Sam O’Neill Vries in 94th; both competitors new to lifted. Especially from Sophie Kirk, who of local Bristolians and their buckets, liked, and onto the run. I had overtaken rocked in with a 39th place, closely the world of triathlons. barely said a word before the race due the water wasn’t going anywhere. Th is a lot of people including three Imperial followed by Jean-Claude Besse who Post-race, we headed out for a well- to worries about her premiere duathlon. meant a change in the course, which competitors on the bike leg, and knew despite suff ering a double puncture in deserved pub dinner and a pint in Chip- Coming away from today without any didn’t bother me as I had no idea where it was only a matter of time before they the bike stage still managed to fi nish in penham, followed by the incredibly well BUCS points is always a disappoint- we were meant to be going anyway! We caught me again on this run. A gruel- 40th. I came 168th. Nothing by the fast received homemade fl apjacks Harriet ment, but we had a solid race, with a set off , and it was clear the standard this ling fi nal 2 miles tests you’re ability to people’s standards but a great success in Nerva had brought. She knows the way great team of guys; we showed every- year was serious. A pack of runners in shift disciplines quickly. Th e second my books, because I fi nished in the top to a man’s heart. Now that the race was one that Imperial is becoming a serious GBR kit took the lead immediately, dis- run went in a new direction, over the half! Other notable fi nishes were Hen- over, everyone’s nerves had gone and competitor they’ll be looking out for us appearing off in to the distance as I was grass and up a short incline where the drik Frentrup in 80th and Kees Jan de the tense pre-race atmosphere had at the next event. Indoor Cricket through to 3rd round

Jayanth Ganapathy 1st Team Captain Chasing 119, the openers got off to ticking. At 93 in 7 overs, the perfect Th e second round of the BUCS in- Coming off this, Imperial batted a good start, scoring 35 in 3 overs. Af- platform was set for Anmol to carve door cricket tournament was held on fi rst against a respectable Westmin- ter losing two quick wickets, Anmol into Sussex’s death bowlers bringing 18th of November. Needing two wins ster bowling attack. Opener Vishal set After a good summer break, the Im- Bedi and Jayanth kept the chase well Imperial to a fi nal total of 131. to remain contenders for a spot at the the benchmark with a classy 26 fol- perial Men’s Cricket Club began gear- on track, scoring 30 and 18 respec- Defending 131, the Imperial bowl- top of the ladder, Imperial College lowed by Mohit why added a further ing up for their Indoor cricket Season. tively. Well poised at 68 in 6 overs, ers applied the pressure on the Essex were fi xed for two matches against 31 and Jayanth progressing the score After some rigorous training sessions, Vignesh Venkateswaran played a batsmen from the onset. Th e eff ect Royal Holloway and the University of by 27 to bring the fi nish up at 5/113 the team felt confi dent heading into handy cameo, scoring 24, leaving Im- was immediate, with 2 wickets fall- Westminster. after the 10 overs. Full of conviction their fi rst two games of the season on perial with 9 runs to score in the last ing in consecutive balls in the second Imperial won the toss and elected to from the fi rst win, Imperial’s pace at- the 20th of October against the Uni- over. However, with 4 wickets falling over. Th is initiated the Essex collapse, bat fi rst against Royal Holloway. After tack started off solidly with the spin- versity of Hertfordshire and Univer- in a very tight fi nal over, Imperial felt with the Imperial fi elders compli- a run-out in the fi rst few balls, Mohit ners Vignesh, taking 3 2 wickets, and sity of Essex. short by 5 runs. menting the bowlers to eff ect 4 run Kulkarni consolidated with 32 runs Joe, with 2 wickets, mimicking the Bowling fi rst against Hertfordshire, In the second game, Imperial, be- outs, eventually bowling Essex out for and Jayanth held fort at the other end initial performance leaving Imperial the Imperial bowlers at times erred off ing put in to bat fi rst notched up a re- 80. with 28 runs, leaving Imperial with with another resounding 49 run win. the mark, allowing the Hertfordshire spectable total of 131 in 10 overs. Th e With 5 games to go, these games a defendable total of 121. Imperial’s Imperial are now placed second on batsmen a few too many boundaries. openers Joe and Vishal Nair provided provided lots of confi dence to the Im- bowlers kept it tight from the start, the ladder, with three tough games Although Jayanth Ganapathy bowled a blazing start by racing off to 52 in perial team. Learning from their mis- putting pressure on Royal Holloway against Middlesex, East London and tightly and Joe O’ Gorman stemmed 4 overs. Retiring after scoring 25 runs takes, and by executing precise strat- and leaving spinners Vignesh, with 2 Brunel in the fi nal round. With the the fl ow of runs at the end with 2 each, the middle order took over from egies practiced in training the team wickets, and Joe to tidy up and lead strength and performance shown to wickets, the Hertfordshire batsmen the openers, with the captain Jay- was confi dent they could overcome Imperial to a convincing win by 76 date, the team is hoping to top the ta- notched up a total of 119. anth steadily keeping the scoreboard future hurdles. runs. ble and qualify for the next round! 38 FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, SPORT Margot Pikovsky, Sorcha Cotter [email protected]

ICHC Mens 2’s Crush Portsmouth

Jonney Clowes Sports Writer challenge. Following short corner rou- Soon after IC got the second goal they tines lacked the 2s usual cutting edge thoroughly deserved. After peppering Is Winning Really Everything? and several chances went begging. the Portsmouth keeper with numerous A dark and windy November evening As half time rapidly approached, IC shots, Fresher Jay-Zed got his second saw the men’s 2s head out to Harlington had nothing to show for their domi- goal of the game after Fresher Mark, Maria Parkes Hockey Club Captain The first is the assumption that we’d to take on a formidable Portsmouth 3s. nance. Th e 2s were looking for inspi- Fresher Tim and Wrong Hole com- rather give in than face a tough chal- With our captain Jimmy S, out injured ration that even Strap-“Why can I bined to give him the easiest of fi nishes. lenge. Well you may as well quit your due to a broken hand, coaching from only score wonder goals”-on couldn’t Just when IC were looking like they This coming Sunday Imperial College degree right now if that is your attitude, the sidelines, ICHC got stuck in straight provide. It took a fresher of all people might put 5 or 6 goals away, they went Hockey Club’s men’s 2nd XI have a LUSL as I can tell you that no course at Impe- from the fi rst whistle. To say the fi rst to step up and provide that clinical down to 10 men after Old Man Mikey cup tie against King’s College London’s rial is easy. Surely this is the crux of a cup half was a one sided aff air would be touch that IC were missing. Good work shoulder charged a Portsmouth mid- 1st XI. Our boys are undoubtedly the competition; the chance for an upset? harsh on Imperial: it was a master class. from the power house that is Old Man fi elder in the face. Whilst he protested underdogs, but even so it was a surprise And even if we don’t win, as any sports Often this season the IC have start- Mikey helped to create some space in that it was an accident and he simply for our men’s captain to receive the fol- person will attest, there is a great deal of ed slow and given their opposition a the oppositions D and, as a bouncing slipped (no one believes him but he did lowing email from the KCL captain this satisfaction in playing a match well, and chance to establish themselves but ball found its way into the dangerzone, make it look rather convincing), the week: improving your performance. right from the off IC found themselves Fresher Jay-Zed was on hand to rifl e the umpire was having none of it and off “…it’s regarding our upcoming LUSL My second observation is that this camped deep inside the Portsmouth ball home into the roof of the net on the he went for a 10 minute cool down in cup fixture with you this Sunday. (As I email does not demonstrate good half. Playing with a narrow midfi eld, the stroke of half time. the bin. Portsmouth attempted to seize said to him) it’s hard for this not to come sportsmanship. Sportsmanship is about full backs, B.Man and Meat Spin, were Th e second half saw desperation their opportunity and drive forwards across as presumptuous and arrogant attitude and at the very least includes re- given licence to bomb down both wings hit Portsmouth and they changed but all they could muster were two pen- but we played your 1s yesterday and spect for your opposition. I’m proud to delivering ball after ball into the opposi- their system to try to put more pres- alty corners, one which was useless and beat them 4-0 with a weakened squad. say our response was a little more digni- tion D. Th e IC centre back, Tinkerbell, sure on the IC defence. Playing with a the other that was saved by Sifter low I really don’t want this to sound boastful fied, and I think reflects the hockey club’s found himself playing in his newly in- high man, they resorted to aerials and to his left. as to be honest it was nothing special; attitude towards our sport: vented role of creative defender which big hit and hopes from defence but IC Th e fi nal whistle soon followed leav- I gave our lads a real bollocking at half “Don’t worry, I don’t take this offen- saw him camped deep inside the oppo- stayed strong and ball after ball was cut ing Fresher Jay-Zed stranded just shy of time and it was only towards the end sively. If you are asking for a walkover sitions 25 and entrusting Soggy Biscuit out laying the foundation for more IC his hat trick and IC having no regrets that we pushed on and put some more however, then my answer is categori- to do any defensive work in his absence. attacks. Whilst the Portsmouth high but wishing they had translated their past them. However, without wanting cally no. We give everything to the game To try to counteract the IC threat, men created much more space for IC to dominance into a larger score line and to slag off your team, I think in all likeli- and love playing it, so regardless of what Portsmouth started to play 11 in de- play some champagne hockey (despite ready to enjoy the Harlington showers. hood the result will go the same way this you may think the result may be, we will fence. With the 25 packed out, it was Fresher Alex not knowing where the Th e 2s will be looking to kick on from weekend, especially seeing as we’ll be compete hard. See you on Sunday.” almost impossible for IC to carve out side of the pitch was… 3 times…), they this dominant display of crisp passing back to full strength. I hope this isn’t of- So for our men’s 2nd XI, but also for any sort of shooting opportunity but it also put the IC defence under increased and wondrous stick skills with a busy fensive and if you do or don’t agree then any other Imperial teams out there this did allow the winning of several short pressure. Despite having had nothing schedule ahead of them. give me a shout. Cheers” weekend in the cold (and probably wet) corners in quick succession. Cummy B, to do for 50 minutes, goalie, Sifter, was Just to clarify, at no point did Brick- Yes, undoubtedly arrogant. But there playing the sports you love, good luck. who on Sunday found his drag fl icking called into action with a refl ex save at ney score a goal, but that’s ok because are two things that strike me about this And remember, the bigger they are, the range, stepped up confi dently but the his near post from a rare Portsmouth apparently strikers aren’t meant to email a little more than that. harder they fall. Portsmouth keeper was equal to the foray into the IC D. score. Fencers Continue Winning Streak

Charlotte Levin Sports Writer Charlotte Levin keep it all the way to 45-37. With two weapons fenced, Impe- Cardiff, Sunday lunch time. Impe- rial is ahead by 26 hits and the girls rial Fencing Women’s 1st park the quickly calculate that they need to minibus and make their way through score 19 hits in foil to win overall. the labyrinth-like venue to find the Despite Oxford being the clearly fencing piste. On the schedule for stronger team in the weapon, Zoe, the day are Oxford and Cardiff Uni- Charlotte and Alice Mitchell togeth- versity, ranked last and middle of the er manage to pick point after point, league respectively. Are the Imperial ending at 23-45 and an aggregate girls going to continue their incred- score of 113-109. One down, one to ible streak of victories? go! It all starts with sabre against Ox- Facing a home team is always more ford. Jing Xiao (Jingles), Emma Hor- challenging. Cardiff also has differ- rix and team captain Zoe Robinson ent strengths than Oxford, and the dance up and down the piste, contin- weapon order had been reversed. uously extending the lead until the Starting off with foil, Zoe, Charlotte score is 45-27 and the match is over. and Alice stay on piste and make The epeeists step up next, ready to every hit count. Similar to the epee extend the lead even further. How- match against Oxford, Cardiff starts ever, Oxford isn’t giving up that eas- by taking the lead. ily, and they keep an advantage of a But once again, Imperial proves few hits at the start. that they’re top of the league for a ists just did almost identically: Car- viously about who would stand vic- were Imperial’s and 26 Cardiff’s, the As they reach the end of the first reason, and half way through the diff takes the lead at the start, Im- torious at the end of this match, it match was over. Overall the result half, Imperial’s Caitlin Jones and Kat lead has swapped sides and stays like perial takes it back half way through quickly faded during sabre. Impe- was 133-116 and the girls could re- Young decides that enough is enough that until the very end when Impe- but then lose by that single hit that is rial had to win by 3 hits to secure turn to the minibus in a good mood, and from there turn it around to rial loses by a single hit. Ironically, an athlete’s worst nightmare. the victory, and the sabreurs did not and celebrate all the way back to Imperial’s lead, and together with the epeeists repeated what the foil- If there had been any doubts pre- disappoint; 71 hits later, 45 of which London. FRIDAY 30 NOVEMBER 39

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, Margot Pikovsky, Sorcha Cotter SPORT [email protected] Football Conquer The Counties Omar Amjad and Sports Writers more halves. And a penalty shoot-out. vour. Justice was done 10 minutes from Henry Garner Th e pitch was fi rm to hard and took time when Amjad fi red a long ball, like a while for both teams to get out of the the very arrow that punctured the reti- starting blocks, especially hindering na of King Harold 946 years before (and Th e scene is the town of Battle, East Imperial’s patented blend of pass and 44.1 miles down the A28), and found Sussex, 1066. Th e forces of King Harold move football. Conversely, Canterbury’s Murphy on the right wing. Th e result- line up against the invading Norman own brand prison-rules football was a ant cross found Robinson unmarked at forces of William, Duke of Normandy. natural fi t for their legion of overpaid the back post and his downward header It was a tightly fought battle (or so says (maybe), undersexed (defi nitely) and located the back of the net. Th e fi nal the tapestry of Bayeux), tipped by an generally remedial footballers. Chances whistle blew 10 minutes later after an- arrow through the eye of King Har- were few and far between shown by the other fl urry of pressure from the Impe- old which in turn rallied the Norman startling stat that Bjorkstrand did not rial front line. troops to their famous victory, shaping miss a chance in the fi rst half. A charm- Th e fi rst half of extra time was largely the socio-political landscape of Eng- ing gentleman (number 5) in the oppo- non-eventful, with both teams seem- land, Europe and ultimately, the world. sition, sporting a tasteful tapestry of his ingly content to settle for a nailbiting Fast forward about 946 years later, and own on his arm, was helpful in remind- shootout. Imperial were winning the move about 44.1 miles down the A28. ing us, at regular intervals, that Sunday possession battle but neither team On Wednesday 14th November IC lunches are both delicious, wholesome looked set to break the deadlock. Th at 1s took a plane, two buses and fi nally and versatile. However, the deadlock was, until the second half of extra time. navigated a 13 mile walk to reach Can- was broken when half time was ap- With 10 minutes to go, a forceful but sley and Ahmed Cherif (Jnr) put their Beasley had the chance to give Imperial terbury; the scene of the 2nd round of proaching. Canterbury lined up for a legal challenge from Hill, that got 100% names forward, with some more confi - a two goal cushion but his penalty to the BUCS cup. Th e 1s had already beat- free kick on the right touchline which of the ball and approximately 0% of the dent than others. Beasley won the toss the keepers left was saved. Canterbury en their opposition, Canterbury 2s, at was whipped in with startling good man, earned a penalty for Canterbury’s and Imperial took fi rst. then drew level at 2-2 with one penalty home (#FortressHarlington) 2-0 in the fortune, evading the heads of Hill and own Tom Daley. Number 14, fresh Wedemeyer strode to the spot with to go. Cherif Jnr took his penalty with league and were in a boisterous mood Woodhead and also goalkeeper Garner, from his fi rst half wonder goal, came German confi dence but his eff ort, his pokerface showing nothing. He sent having won all 6 matches this season who had no interest in claiming it or to the conclusion that he was the best aimed at the top right corner was the keeper the wrong way and found by 2 goals or more. Having completed saving the resulting shot. It was scuff ed penalty taker in their team and strode both too top and too right. Shortly the right hand corner of the net leaving their pilgrimage to the religious capital back across goal by their penalty expert up confi dently. James Murphy, Imperi- afterwards the fi rst Canterbury taker Imperial one penalty away from glory of Britain, the 1s were determined to (see later, twice), and self-proclaimed al's Oracle and resident wildlife expert, despatched his eff ort bottom left and (the next round). Th e Canterbury play- relive the heady heights of the previous former professional footballer, number confi dently informed Number 14 he Imperial were 1-0 down. Robinson, er looked scared by the looming fi gure season by making a David-esque cup 14, who was congratulated by his team would not score. He didn’t. His scuff ed Imperial’s regular spot kicker, also went of Garner and the pressure told. His run, although previous results would mates for not being shit. shot down the middle was saved by a top right and left the keeper without a tame eff ort was saved by the left hand suggest they enter the competition as Th e second half produced a bet- Garner right hand, despite his initial chance. Canterbury’s number 14 decid- of Garner, sending the Imperial play- Goliaths. ter performance from Imperial who, leftward movement. Th is resulted in ed that, despite clearly being rubbish at ers into rapture and Murphy into the Th e scene was set before kick off with having concluded that their opposi- the whole Canterbury team wondering penalties, he would make amends for nearby forest to look for more interest- the sun glistening off a layer of cobwebs tion were substandard, felt they had why they had let him take it in the fi rst his previous scuff ed penalty. He failed ing Kent wildlife. that encapsulated every inch of the every chance to turn the match around. place. in spectacular style as he repeated his Garner was voted man of the match Canterbury pitches, bringing a tear to James Murphy, when he wasn’t being Penalties loomed large and no team previous attempt, scuffi ng down the but everyone grafted well and showed James ‘Adam Watkin Junior’ Murphy’s distracted by the local fl ora and fauna, mustered enough strength to get a win- middle allowing Garner to save with good character to recover from going eyes. He then encouraged members of was in exceptional form. For the next ner, although if any team looked likely his right foot. His attempts at blam- behind for the fi rst time this season. the team to kneel down and view the 45 minutes he caused incessant prob- it was Imperial. Hill made his pres- ing the penalty spot for his miss fell Imperial 1s remain unbeaten after 7 splendid sight from ‘David Attenbor- lems for their left back who had no an- ence known on a number of occasions on deaf ears. Garner picked himself games and hope to have wrapped up ough’ view which was met with warm swers for the questions posed to him, seemingly winning everything in the up from goal and retrieved the ball, to the BUCS league title when they travel reception from approximately every coincidentally a problem he had also air and infl icting collateral damage on the clear shock of every spectator. De- to Canterbury for the last game of the member of the team. Meanwhile, Can- suff ered whilst sitting Maths GCSE. Af- the ground (and resident spiders). For spite this, with confi dence oozing from season. terbury 2s were watching confused and, ter captain Woodhead was forced from unknown reasons, Hill was unable to every orifi ce, and after almost 10 mil- Conclusions: Henry has shown (ex- importantly, underestimating their op- the fi eld of play with a bum injury, Tim complete the match. lion hours of penalty practice, he sent perimentally) that he both saves and position. After the brief National Geo- ‘Smithy’ Beasley was put in charge to Having seen the incompetence of the keeper the wrong way to give Im- scores penalties, both in vivo and ex graphic moment, it was time for foot- lead the resurgent Imperial team. Th e Canterbury’s penalties already, Impe- perial a 2-1 lead. Canterbury promptly vivo. Despite a strong body of literature ball. introduction of Wedemeyer shortly af- rial were confi dent of the shootout win. missed another penalty by skewing a suggesting otherwise (Euro ’96), Marius It was a game of two halves. And two ter tipped the balance in Imperial's fa- Wedemeyer, Robinson, Garner, Bea- drilled penalty past the left hand post. Wedermeyer does not.

Storming Success for Equestrian Team

Rachel Gregory Team Captain horses scoring 0 penalties in the dres- second to go on her horse and was a sage, despite Rachel’s horse spooking little nervous after the fi rst rider on half way through her test, and Claudia her horse fell off but she completed Imperial College Equestrian 1st team and Andre both did very well achiev- her round with one refusal. Andre had a great start to the season at Royal ing 9 and 15 penalties respectively. At was third on his horse and jumped a Holloway’s home competition at Way- lunchtime the team was lying in fi rst masterful clear round and fi nally Li- side stables near Windsor. Despite position but only 3 penalties ahead of ane also jumped a stylish clear round. the torrential rain and howling winds the University of Kent. As the team We had an extremely long and anxious the team prevailed and won, with in- were about to show jump, the heavens wait while the Royal Holloway captain dividuals placed 1st (Captain Rachel opened the wind picked up so several calculated the incredibly confusing Gregory), 2nd (Liane Marshallsay), of the show jumps fell down. After an scores. Both Rachel and Andre had 5th (Andre Wilmes) and 8th (Claudia extremely long wait Rachel was the won on their jumping horses scoring Saksida). Th e team started well with fi rst rider of the imperial team and 0 penalties while Liane and Claudia the team in fi rst place. competition on Wednesday 5th De- Liane and Rachel winning on their jumped a clear round. Claudia was the scored 6 and 15 respectively, leaving Riding’s next event is our home cember at Trent Park. 30/11/12 Issue 1533 felixonline.co.uk

SPORT “Keep the Cat Free” Medic Girls Thrash UCL Elke Wynberg Sports Writer hideously nervous. Like I said, we could experienced, we continued to keep up same time. had played a match the day before and use some luck… Whether it was a co- the pace. With some skilful attacking from the consequently “couldn’t run properly”, incidence that Rosie managed, for the However, what we had struggled with opposition and a sneakily-placed pass played a second half that earned her the Having lost a match a few days earlier fi rst time in the season, to win the coin in previous games was achieving a re- against the feet of one of our defenders, title of MVP. With some initial play in during a freak weather storm in the re- toss, was a question to be answered by sult from our hard work: after all, the UCL had their fi rst short corner against our D, Jess made a cracking save with mote countryside, the ICSM Ladies 1st the fi nal score. score at the fi nal whistle is what really us. Th e about this team’s skill her stick well above her head, and An- XI defi nitely felt we could use a giant From the moment the whistle blew matters. But after some superb ball dis- ringing in our ears, we fully realised that nabel Groome on the right and Roz dose of good luck when we trooped out to mark the start of seventy minutes tribution from central-midfi eld Char- a well-rehearsed routine on their part Marshall as centre defence worked hard to play on Sunday 25 November. Th e of leg-destroying hard work, the whole lotte Read, striker Alison Kent was just could land them an equaling goal. Al- to clear the ball. Anna made some fan- early morning sunshine and prospect ICSM team was focused, determined, too skilful to be stopped by the UCL de- though Sharon “Shazza” Ocansey made tastic runs up the right wing, with for- of playing at Harlington boded well for and skilful. Passes were strong and fenders, passing the ball to Kylie – who a run out that Usain Bolt would have wards Alison, Flick, and Kylie all off er- our second LUSL match of the season, simple; tackles were made with a real placed the ball solidly into the goal. It been proud of, they messily pushed the ing passes so that we could score more but with the loss of several forwards as determination to win; and whenever a goes without saying that the defenders ball passed our club captain and goalie, goals and show this team what we’re well as a key defender (who had been mistake was made, the team pulled to- cheered loudly, our forwards ran back Jess Mistry. made of. beaten up by Wednesday’s opposition gether to help out. And instead of being grinning from ear to ear, the midfi elders Our realisation that we absolutely With this incredible team eff ort, and with a hockey stick) meant that we all distracted by the surprise that we were were jumping up and down – and Anna were the better, more strong-minded the support of our coach Justin from the had butterfl ies in our stomach. actually making UCL look slow and in- Hurley was doing all of the above at the team that day, made us fi ght back with sideline, Lees was able to score two per- Our opposition had been a league a vengeance. Exclamations of “come fectly placed goals in the second half… above us last year… And after having on medics!” echoed around the pitch, One of them even from lying on the a fl awless season, had been promoted whilst the UCL players simply argued ground after falling over. Clearly bal- to an even better league. Th is was ob- with the umpires and didn’t talk to each ance was one of the (few) areas where viously a fi rst cause for concern. On other. At half time, we were feeling elat- UCL did have the advantage. top of this, our presumption that non- ed but, as Rosie pointed out, still had a With the fi nal whistle, we all attempt- medics have all the time in the world lot of work to do. ed to contain our excitement at the to train to be hockey gods couldn’t be Even though our legs were starting result. Every single team member had avoided, and rumour had it that they to feel like they were made of lactic put in phenomenal eff ort, and we had had international-level strikers. Our acid, we started the second half with out-played our opposition fairly and fantastically positive captain Rosie an expectation that UCL were going to squarely… At the end of the day, that gi- Go bib or go home Belcher encouraged everybody to put be more than slightly angry… So solid ant dose of luck that we’d all hoped for on a brave smile, but in reality we were was our eff ort that Charlotte Lees, who wasn’t even needed. TaeKwonDo Inauguration Huge Success

LiYan Chow Sports writer TaeKwonDo competition to be held many of our team having to act as of- on Imperial grounds in the history of fi cials as well as preparing for their the club. own fi ghts. However, that did not ap- Th e work from countless months of Attracting over 100 competitors pear to faze our 14 fi ghters, as they planning, organisation and training from universities all over the country brought back an impressive 12 med- fi nally came together as Imperial travelling from as far away as Shef- als. College Union TaeKwonDo (ICUT- fi eld and Southampton, the atmos- Within two of the categories, our KD) hosted their very own competi- phere in the sports hall on Sunday members dominated the opposi- tion at the Ethos sports hall last Sun- morning was full of excitement and tion, with the gold medals and sil- day. Th e Imperial College Open 2012 anticipation for the day ahead. ver medals going to members of the was the kick-start to the competi- For the ICUTKD team, we knew ICUTKD team who fought their way tive year for many university clubs that running a competition on top of into the finals. Roy Lambert and around the country and also the fi rst competing was not going to be easy; Yemi Williamson-Taylor won gold, with Kristian McCaul and Nathan- That’s the last iel Gallop winning silver medals. time you push in Mabel Lew and Ernest Tan also won front of me in the silver medals with Andreas Pan- Library Café teli, Mayghal Vijapura, Christopher Dancel, LiYan Chow, Ramdisa Agasi and Mathieu Hu all winning bronze medals. However, it was the dedication of dent TaeKwonDo Federation (BSTF), any of this without the hard work of all the volunteers and offi cials on the staff at Ethos and Sport Imperial our instructor, Master Reza Saberi, the day which truly encapsulated for all their support and a huge thank who gave us the encouragement and the spirit of TaeKwonDo. Without you to all the fi rst aiders, photogra- confi dence to take on this task in a doubt, they all went out of their phers, referees, competitors and in- style. way to ensure that the competition structors without whom, Imperial With the Imperial College Open as a success. Without them, the day College Open 2012 would have never 2012 done and dusted, ICUTKD can would not have run as smoothly as it happened. look forward to the next Imperial did. We have to thank the British Stu- Finally, we could not have achieved College Open 2013!